#grimwalker baby shitpost

[crimeronan]

hi i have just created the FUNNIEST interaction in my head, by mixing the "potential baby's" ask and "hunter being in Insane Grimwalker denial"

potential future where everyones like. early twenties and hunter still doesnt know the grimwalker thing but luz has decided she wants kids with her life partners, and hunter and amity agree. but also all of them are feeling stressed abt how to go abt this, pregnancy, and who will carry, etc. etc.

so hunter is researching solutions.. and he finds grimwalkers. and hes reading through like. "hm, magenta eyes.. strange coincidence." and he decides he wants to propose this to luz and amity. bc it avoids a lot of the mess they were worrying abt.

and he makes a whole fucking power point and is so caught up in powerpoint mode he doesnt notice the audience reactions (i imagine he even uses the magenta eyes as a pro bc "itll look more like my kid if im not the ortet.") and he finishes it still not noticing the reactions until hes like "so. thoughts?"

luz, as if on command, softly goes "not again" and faints all while shaking like a chihuahua. amity, not even looking at luz but still managing to catch her, just says "hey hunter. are you fucking stupid?"

PLEAAAASE...

[crimeronan]

I know all the non-canon baby Grimwalker timelines can't really be squashed together, but I am cackling at the thought of someone having to give a shell-shocked Camila a "Having THREE babies at their age is also not a cultural norm here" conversation.

i like imagining that in this shitpost universe, darius in particular is having a fucking aneurysm. darius pulls hunter aside one day like "listen. kid. has Literally Anybody ever explained to you how sex and pregnancy work" and hunter is completely baffled for a minute like "......no.....?" (he learned it through reading books. nobody has ever said a word to him) and then is like "OHH wait lmfao. oh no don't worry. i'm not anyone's dad."

darius: then WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

hunter: your guess is as good as mine!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[crimeronan]

RE Last post of Hunter's Grimwalker parenting plan

Like they're all in their 20s and all four of them together and as settled as they can be, de-emperoring the isles is a work in progress but solidly all together and things are about as stable as can be, people are comfortable about raising the idea to the point actual logistics are being discussed.

Enough logistics and thinking seriously about the horrors of actually having to carry and birth a child that Hunter slightly frustrated can't just take on the horrors for everyone else (no implications to be drawn about the origins of this frustration) and seeks a work around for it and then finds it and he's just oh so proud of himself for it, he sets up the presentation, Willow helps it's all great.

Sure they'll have to break some endangered protections species laws Luz instituted a few years back, and Galderstone's are gonna be a problme, and whoever the orets are gonna be will have to decide what their least favorite bone is... but like, that's infintely superior to nine months of suffering

I'm just imagining Hunter being oh so positive and genuinely excited about the whole thing, and then Luz just faints Amity glares at him to stop being in denial and talk about this with Luz whilst not opening her mouth and betraying the fact that the totally 'knows' even if he refuses to acknowledge that he knows, even to himself or assimilate the idea to any of these obvious facts into his thinking.

Meanwhile Hunter, miles deep into not thinking about this, is certain that its the poaching of endangered species that's the problem and starts looking for a a solution to that problem, and not the actual problem...

hunter is like "amity, you're full of shit. if i was a grimwalker i'd know because obviously someone would have just told me. why wouldn't they" and luz immediately faints again. hunter is like no hey i think we can probably bargain with the selkiedomus instead of slaying it we don't have to commit TOTAL ecological destruction. .....not sure what we're gonna do about the stonesleeper lungs tho.

[crimeronan]

Hunter notices Amity is really distressed about that new kid Odalia somehow has, so he eventually suggests kidnapping because Odalia sucks as a parent and why not? Amity is still in her bloodline deduction state of mind so she blurts out that people will then make the awful mistake of assuming Grimwalker Alador is THEIR child, which is the wrong thing to say because for Hunter that's hilarious and even more reason to go kidnap him.

i love the shitpost horror-comedy universe where lumiter just keep acquiring grimwalker babies that look like them. in increasingly stupid & ill-conceived ways. between luzwalker and aladorwalker anyone who knows the three of them is like damn hunter why does the universe let you have unprotected sex with Two girlfriends. while hunter is out here like. ok. i have literally never even Attempted to touch either of these women in my life. and have no idea What The Actual Fuck is going on. however i Will commit to the bit if prompted.