#great jewish bake off

[seven-saffodils]

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[schraubd]

Do Republicans Care That Trump Admires Hitler?

The Atlantic's bombshell story this week was that Donald Trump expressed an admiration for Hitler, saying "I need the kind of generals Hitler had." This had been reported before, but the confirmation by former Trump Chief of Staff John Kelly gave an extra boost of confirmation from Trump's inner-most circle. How are Republicans responding to the news? In a variety of ways. Door #1, from the Trump campaign itself, is just to declare it all a lie: Trump’s campaign categorically denied The Atlantic’s reporting and blamed Harris for encouraging Trump’s assassination. Steven Cheung, a campaign spokesman, said Harris “continues to peddle outright lies and falsehoods that are easily disproven. The fact is that Kamala’s dangerous rhetoric is directly to blame for the multiple assassination attempts against President Trump and she continues to stoke the flames of violence all in the name of politics.” I actually respect this response the most, since it at least concedes the premise that Trump being pro-Hitler is a bad development that should be shunned.  Not every Republican agrees. Behind Door #2 is New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu, who said that Trump supporting Hitler is "baked-in to the vote at this point." In other words, Republicans already had figured Trump was a Hitler supporter and were fine with it. No surprises here. And then finally, there's Fox News' Brian Kilmeade, who's response was to say "actually, Trump was making a good point!" On Fox News, anchor Brian Kilmeade said Trump was justifiably frustrated by aides who refused to carry out orders they deemed illegal. Kilmeade said, “I can absolutely see him go, ‘It’d be great to have German generals that actually do what we ask them to do,’ maybe not fully being cognizant of the third rail of German generals who were Nazis or whatever.” "...or whatever," indeed. What sort of president wouldn't want generals who blindly follow executive orders to commit the most horrific atrocities humanity has ever witnessed? (Answer: the sort of president who isn't interested in replicating the most horrific atrocities humanity has ever witnessed). Meanwhile, yesterday on Bluesky I snarked that I couldn't wait for the inevitable "Jonathan Greenblatt response that contains three paragraphs of effusive praise for Trump’s allyship towards the Jewish community sandwiching a vague gesture that 'this sort of rhetoric isn’t helpful.'" That drew off of this post which observed how Greenblatt's recent treatment of Trump has been defined by a fundamental trust in Trump as a true "ally of the Jews," the commitment to which he regrettably occasionally falls short of realizing. So was my prediction on Greenblatt's response correct? Answer: We don't know, because as far as I can tell the ADL hasn't issued a statement on this news at all! What a sterling performance by America's preeminent antisemitism watchdog. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/p7WQjYc

[edenfenixblogs]

Hey. Hey, friend. Come closer. I gotta tell you something.

This is just an incorrect statement about raisins in general and I’m genuinely concerned that you would characterize them as delicious.

Just a random thing I love about the Jewish community:

Jews talking to antisemites trying to twist our culture into something evil in order to justify eliminating us en masse: I understand your concern but that’s actually a harmful thing to say. Can I interest you in hundreds of sources I took the liberty of citing and fact checking and providing links for and thousands of years of history to back up my statement?

Jews talking to other Jews about opinions on Jewish food: I WILL BURN THIS ENTIRE HOUSE TO THE GROUND IF YOU DO NOT ADMIT THE INCONTROVERTIBLE TRUTH AND WISDOM IN MY STANCE ON KUGEL.

Exhibit A: A Perfect Food. Look at Her. She’s Beautiful!

Exhibit B: You absolute monster. What have you DONE TO HER?!

Is that cinnamon? And raisins??? Where is the crust???? This is somehow a disaster, a tragedy, and a crime all at once.

Unacceptable.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง

[ceaseless-exhauster]

🚨 Important question!!! 🚨

We’re holding the “great Jewish bake-off” at my temple next week, it’s an annual tradition for us in the time leading up to the High Holy Days - my Rabbi has just asked me if I can help secure some fun prizes for it. They also asked if I could come up with some fun/silly names for the different prize levels, since a lot of kiddos participate!

My important question is this: does anyone know of some good Hebrew or Yiddish pun-type names I could assign for prize tiers? I’m thinking there’ll be 1st/2nd/3rd place, and then I’d like to have cute “honorable mentions” for all the other participants

Thanks in advance lovely ppl of Jumblr

[tachypodion]

18 things I love about being Jewish

we are encouraged to question things and to have an understanding of why we do what we do

challah is delicious and I get to eat it (theoretically) every Friday night and Saturday

...speaking of which, I think it's pretty great that our days start in the evening because then I get to start my day off with rest and rejuvenation!

back to the challah note, I love that it gives me a great reason to learn to make bread and all other kinds of fun cooking and baking that connects me to my ancestors

learning in general — Jewish culture values learning so much and it makes for such great opportunities and conversations, and I never feel out of place being a person who loves accumulating knowledge for knowledge's sake!

we have a holiday almost every month of the year, and the one month where there are no holidays is nicknamed "bitter" specifically because it has no holidays

our new year is in the beginning of the fall, usually right around the same time that the school year starts, so all the new beginnings happen at the same time

"Bubbie" and "Zayde" are way more fun to say than "Grandma" and "Grandpa" and also provide me with a really cool opportunity to use the language my ancestors did in every day life!

the opportunity to develop a bond across generations that comes with the teaching of Torah skills in preparation for b'nei mitzvah, and the leadership opportunities given to teenagers who go from student to teacher

the inherent willingness to consider multitudes that is exemplified in the age-old saying "three rabbis, four opinions"

the fact that I don't need permission from anyone to believe what I believe, and personal beliefs are secondary to community for many people especially when it comes to relationships with divinity. looping back in #10, many of us hold multiple conflicting beliefs, sometimes at the same time!

our holidays are treated as holy days and the commandments we follow require us to pause and reflect and devote our time to being in the moment and considering the meaning behind the day

we have a commandment "shmirat haguf" that requires us to care for and protect our health and wellbeing, making self care an imperative for those who follow the commandment — this also instructs us to prioritize our safety above following other commandments such as keeping kosher or observing shabbat

the focus of our practice and belief systems is on the living world and not the afterlife, which means both that i can use my religion as a way of grounding me in the present and that i get to use my imagination when thinking about the fates of my dead loved ones

even though we may disagree about significant aspects of our practices and traditions, having Judaism in common with someone is always a rich vein of bonding when making new connections, and it also helps set us up for success in having relationships with people we disagree with about things!

Hebrew gives me a common ground language with every Jewish community in the world, so even if I don't speak a single word of the local language if I find my way to a synagogue I know I'll be able to communicate and be welcomed and understood

the unique blend of resilience and good (if dark) humor embedded in our culture that comes through in quips like "they tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat"

the blessing of community and cultural continuity that allows me to feel connected in perpetuity with a collective entity larger than the sum of its parts and fills me with warmth and confidence in the knowledge that we will outlive them

[katjohnadams]

So do you believe Israel has the "right" to exist?

I *just* said there's no "gotcha" here but still, still you do this. Come close, let me gently cup your face in my hands: countries are imaginary. They were made up to divide our beautiful earth into little parcels men could use to oppress and exploit the people.

But fine, let's talk Israel.

After World War I, Britain occupied the area and declared borders. Which I remind you are designed to oppress people. Throughout the Middle East, in fact, western countries drew borders and established governments specifically to destabilize the region and ensure they would not be a power able to oppose western interests: read: imperialism.

Jewish people flocked to their historic homeland seeking to find a place they would not be hunted for fucking sport. This put them in direct conflict with the people who lived there. Let us be clear: the Jewish people weren't seeking to oppress others, they were fleeing persecution themselves. But this created open warfare because of anti-Semitism and displacement.

The British decided to create more borders because that is how they thought. Rather than seek integration, they believed that segregation was the path. See also: Indian subcontinent.

So Israel was created, and the Arab states neighboring this new Israel, seeing this as yet more Western imperialism, declared war. Israel at this point was forced to fight everyone, or be destroyed and face yet another diaspora. The mentality was baked in that survival=war.

Peace was declared and the Arab who lived in Israel were expelled. They were stripped of belongings and land and told to fuck off. Israel then pursued a policy of expansionism, settling in lands that had either been coded or were not Israel's.

Today, Israel is still under aggressive, violent pressure from anti-Semitic governments that directly border it. It also directly oppresses and commits violent expansionism against surrounding Palestine.

So, does Israel deserve to exist?

Does any country?

Does the US?

Maybe not.

But it does. Many states around the globe are colonial states, created by imperialism and expansionism and often with a history of genocide. What would you suggest? That we just revert land to people? Great. Cool. From when?

Humanity has never been still. Borders have never been stable. Nothing has ever been simple as pulling a lever. Not once in all human history.

Does Israel deserve to exist? Countries aren't real. People are. Their needs are. Their lives are. The people of Israel deserve peace. The civilians are not a monolith you can judge and condemn or declare innocent as a whole. They are as complex and varied as their neighbors, whose governments I remind you are equally violent and corrupt.

I am asking you, stop thinking of this good guy/bad guy binary. It is not normal has it ever been that simple. Stop seeing people as synonymous with their governments.

Does Israel deserve to exist?

Yes. No. Both.

I cannot answer that for you, I cannot stand here in the river of time and dictate its flow.

I can only say there will be no justice as long as borders, nationalism, militarism, and expansionism rule our lives. Peace will not come as long as violence is the answer.

Countries, as a concept, do not deserve to exist. We are one species, our differences are less than our similarities. We are all one, and it is governments and the ruling class who benefit from borders and a belief that The Other is our enemy.

I refuse to ignore one side's violence to support my world view of the other. This goes both ways, in all situations.

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I believe that Radical Love, and nothing else, will save humanity. And I believe that all borders and governments are directly in conflict with that.

[mariacallous]

Paul Hollywood, you’ve gone too far.

Recently, the celebrity chef and co-host of “The Great British Baking Show” took to Instagram to share a hot take about Jewish food. Namely, that he thinks pickles are “absolutely disgusting.” In the approximately 30-second video shared on @britishbakeoff, Hollywood goes on a diatribe against the fermented cucumber. “As far as I’m concerned, they’re straight from hell,” he opens. He proceeds to bash pickles’ taste and appearance, comparing the popular snack to slugs and saying they “look terrible” and are “not human food at all.” 

We here at The Nosher could not disagree more. Pickles are a sour, bubbly and crunchy symphony of flavor. They’re a delicacy, and what’s more, they are an integral part of the Jewish menu. (Though, pickled vegetables are prominent in many cuisines across the globe, and not exclusive to Jewish food.) As Nosher Senior Editor Rachel Myerson once wrote, “[Pickles] were ever-present on my grandmother’s Shabbat table alongside chopped liver and egg and onion, a permanent chaperone to the pastrami sandwich at Jewish delis, and packed into self-serve containers at falafel and sabich shops in Israel.”

Additionally, Jews are central to the story of how pickles became so popular in the United States; Jewish immigrants in the late 19th and early 20th centuries helped to bring pickles into the American consciousness through their sale of Kosher Dills and Half-Sours. 

This isn’t the first time Paul Hollywood has gotten Jewish food wrong. Famously, in season five, episode 2 of “The Great British Baking Show,” the contestants were challenged to make Hollywood’s recipe for an eight-strand “plaited loaf” with an even, golden bake. Not once during the episode does Paul or anyone else use the word “challah.” Even worse, when judging the “plaited loaves,” Hollywood claims “[braiding bread] is a skill which is dying off.” Considering the fact that Jews have braided challah for centuries and many continue to do so on Shabbat every week, Hollywood’s claim is simply not true. As Emily Burack wrote at the time, “It is quite possible that Paul, and everyone else on the show, has no Jewish friends.”

The entry for Paul Hollywood’s plaited loaf recipe in his 2012 cookbook “How to Bake” is equally misguided. First, the recipe is titled “Cholla Loaf,” which spells challah in a way that no Jewish person has likely ever spelled it. Additionally, he writes in the recipe description that challah is “traditionally served at Passover,” a holiday where Jews avoid eating bread and other leavened products.

Paul’s lack of accurate knowledge when it comes to Jewish food came up once more in season eight of “The Great British Baking Show,” when the contestants were challenged to make twisted rainbow bagels; another of Hollywood’s recipes that is inspired by Jewish food. 

“Paul Hollywood, neither a New Yorker nor Jewish, is a recognized expert in bread. But it was clear from this technical challenge that he has no idea how to make a proper New York bagel,” Shannon Sarna wrote in 2020. “At some point while tasting the results of the challenge, he even commented that a crispy exterior means that the bagel is overdone. I’m not sure he has ever visited New York City, or even tasted a bagel.”

Yikes. What’s next, Paul? Will you verbally assault lox? Claim bourekas are triangle hot pockets? Where does the madness end? We humbly suggest that whether it’s challah, bagels or pickles, you perhaps consider leaving the Jewish food recipes and hot takes to the experts.

[comingfromastatechampionasshole]

Wilt-resist your whipped cream! (A cheat, by Doc)

Okay, the phrase "by Doc" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here--I actually learned this tip from a gal I was competing with years ago in state fair (she beat my ass) and I'm sure other aunts and grandmas know it. But, whomst else on tumblr will deliver it to your eyeballs?

Because you know the trouble with whipped cream and whipped cream frostings is they tend to wilt over time, especially if they have to deal with absolutely any level of heat. A simple room temperature can make your pie or cake look weepy and sad. Your bowl of fresh whipped cream now looks worse than the fuckin' cool whip. Tragedy.

Now, I assume you, erudite and exceptional readers of this blog, are already using powdered sugar/icing sugar instead of standard sugar to make your whipped cream, not only because of greater stability but because it functionally removes the possibility of graininess. This is a "I want to make this whipped cream the night before" tip. Other tips like milk powder, I find, just don't have the same longevity as what's below:

Professionals use gelatin or agar-agar, which I don't like for two reasons: 1) Gelatin is not vegetarian and in the US is often made from pork, so fuck your Jewish or Muslim guests and 2) you have to bloom the gelatin or agar-agar, and it can be tricky to work with, and if you aren't the 'working with high-level mousses and creams often" type, it may be a waste of space in your kitchen.

But gee whiz, did you know there's a very cheap and intensely easy solution for busy housewives to keep her man loving her whipped cream, and by extension, her? Tell her, Don!

Why little lady, it's Jell-O (tm) brand instant pudding mix! Don't tell the ladies at the church bake-off...we won't.

This is the easiest possible way to get nice, stiff whipped cream that holds up for, I think my record is three days. It can also tolerate sitting in a warm room much much better than whipped cream really ought to be able to.

"But Doc, isn't Jell-O, uh, gelatin?"

Jell-O itself is, but Jell-O pudding is actually kosher. I assume other brands are as well, but I don't know this for a fact--so make sure to check the label if you're using a different brand. What's doing the work here is 'modified food starch' which is a stronger version of cornstarch, which I find, added to whipped cream, to require too much to be added, and the texture gets odd.

This is cheap! Your grocery store may vary, but this small box was 99 cents.

This is easy! All you do is add about 1 tablespoon of pudding mix per one cup of heavy/whipping/double cream* and then whip as usual.

It does lightly flavor the whipped cream, which I've never found to be a problem--I use regular vanilla mostly, but french vanilla is nice for banana cream pie, I used coconut cream for the pie I just entered WHICH WON BEST IN SHOW I MIGHT ADD. Chocolate is great for chocolate whipped cream. You're smart people, you got this. The only ones I don't recommend are tapioca (pearls) and Oreo (having about three bits of oreo in the whipped cream looks dirty rather than intentional.)

Go forth, and set your whipped cream on the sideboard with confidence!

*I'm aware these all actually contain different levels of fat, but let's get real here, they are often used interchangeably and only the craziest among us is going to seriously get into "What cream should you be whipping?" discourse.

[evilwickedme]

So if Superman is Moses and Captain America is David, do you think that Spider-Man is Job?

He's always miserable, with suffering piled upon suffering and loss piled upon loss. But he always has faith in the goodness of humanity and the righteousness of his duty. He maintains his faith throughout all of his trials, and that's what makes him a hero.

(I was thinking about how Judaism and Xianity see G-d differently, and more specifically how they see faith and obedience to G-d differently. In Judaism faith isn't about obedience, and G-d is often an allegory for the world just as the world is often an allegory for G-d — at least that's how I interpreted the fact that 90% of our prayers are thanking G-d for creating a specific aspect of material reality. So if the story of Job is, from a Jewish perspective, isn't about unwavering obedience to a single entity but instead about having unwavering faith in the goodness of the world, then it fits Peter Parker almost to a T, right?)

Wow ok I am SO pissed off that I wrote the answer to this for a full hour and now it's just fucking gone because Tumblr decided not to publish it when I hit post. What the very fuck. So I'm going to try to shorten what I wrote a little and hopefully it'll still make sense. But this is a great ask, for real.

Anyway. I feel like something that's been lost in my most popular posts is that my central thesis when it comes to the Jewish nature of superheroes is not that there's a 1:1 between every hero and a historical, mythological, or Tanakhi figure. The central thesis is, instead, that the very concept of heroism as presented in comics is tied to the Jews who created the genre; it's just very easy to demonstrate these kinds of concepts with direct allegories that have such clear parallels. I actually have a third secret parallel that'll probably never see the light of day, between Magneto and Aher (and like, does anybody even know who Aher is? he's not exactly a well known figure).

One of the reasons I haven't posted this comparison is that it is largely thematic, and therefore requires considerably more explanation, especially for goyim or those who aren't familiar with Aher's story (אלישע בן אבויה fyi if that means anything to y'all). But that's sort of my point - it's much easier to point that Superman is literally Moses and Cap and David serve very similar purposes as characters than to talk about the fact that superheroism is based in Jewish values and traditions: the very idea that heroes are meant to make the world better through action as opposed to sacrifice, the value assigned to every single life (he who saves one life etc), characters becoming better people over time rather than going through dedicated redemption arcs, etc (I can't remember what I wrote here and it's driving me nuts thank you very much for asking).

I gave a lot of context here to the difference between Golden Age and Silver Age writing here but honestly again that took forever and I don't feel like typing it all up, so I'll just point out the basic facts which are that the people creating the comic book industry in the late 30s and early 40s were desperate Jews trying to save their people across the ocean, and also were only about ten or twenty years removed from having lived in the Old Country themselves. Their life and culture was intensely Jewish, they'd grown up in specific Jewish tales. By the time we get to Spider-Man, the situation is entirely different. It's been 25 years of comics (Superman debuted in '38, Spider-Man in '63), and the Jewish foundations of comic books and heroism are already baked in to the genre. Yes, the industry is still overwhelmingly Jewish, but now the separation from a purely Jewish upbringing and Jewish separatism in the Old Country is forty years old. The attempt now is to specifically make stories that haven't already been told - for Spider-Man, the main concept was that there had never been a teen hero before who stood on his own - one that wasn't part of team like the fantastic four, or, more typically, a sidekick.

All these differences actually mean that the coding of these characters is very different. Superman being Moses was intentional; Cap was created as anti-Nazi propaganda. Spider-Man was and is Jewish because he is such a pure example of what Jewish heroism is. He's flawed, he's angry, but he can't help himself from trying to save... Well, everyone. It is, however, important to note that he debuted a long while before Magneto was confirmed Jewish (I don't actually know if he was the first, bc I'm having trouble finding that kind of info easily on the internet, but he's certainly one of the most notable Marvel Jews ever, and he was confirmed as a Holocaust survivor relatively early); it was a whole before Marvel realized you could make somewhat prominent characters Jewish, let alone heroes, and by then Spider-Man was one of their best selling characters, and they're still afraid to this day to alienate readers by confirming him as such.

But moving onto Job - I think I have a very different read of the Book of Job from you, but that's not surprising to me; the Book of Job is incredibly opaque, and I doubt that any two people will interpret it exactly the same. Also, I was raised Orthodox, and I often have very different perspectives on various Jewish things than the typical American Jew. Here's how I view it, though.

Firstly, Job absolutely does not maintain his faith throughout the entire story. Yes, initially he's presented as the most pure person ever, one who has never even been tempted to do a chet (חטא, closest translation is sin; another word would be aveira, which would best be translated as a transgression). And, indeed, it is not his deeds that lead to him losing everything; it is instead Satan who argues to test his faith by taking everything he holds dear away from his - his money, his cattle, his children, his health, his wife.

It's noteworthy, for any goyiche reader, that Satan in Judaism is not the Christian Devil who rules hell. He's an adversary, for sure, but he's more like an opposing counsel; his role is to argue for every human's guilt, especially when someone has committed a terrible aveirah. Forgive me for saying this, but he's essentially a devil's advocate. He can be viewed as the manifestation of yetzer hara on a wider scale (yetzer hara and yetzer hatov are the two natural impulses we all have in ourselves, the first to be selfish or to commit bad deeds and the other to commit good deeds and help others; this is a neutral fact rather than a condemnation of any person, and also I'm massively oversimplifying things here). Also, he's a tattle-tale.

Anyway, back to Job. Yes, at first he does maintain his faith, through the loss of his property, his children, even his health; his wife, before she dies, begs him to curse God, and yet he doesn't. But when she does die, he spends a chapter lamenting the day he was born, regretting that he wasn't stillborn. At first this doesn't look like a direct accusation at God, but it absolutely is, as God is in charge of life and death, but also evidence by the following:

So Job does lose his faith, because as far as he can tell, he has never done anything wrong in his life ever, and yet he has been cursed to grieve everything he has ever had, and he won't even die.

Most of the book is dedicated to dialogue between himself and three of his friends, who come to the common conclusion that he must have done something wrong to deserve this treatment. But Job remains adamant: I did not deserve this.

The general lesson that many people take from this book is that God works in mysterious ways, blah blah. But like... We know, in fact, exactly why this story happened. We saw it! We saw Satan advocate to try Job! So what's the point of the book?

The point is the Job keeps asking "why". The point is that Job hears that God won't forgive his friends, despite the fact they blame him for his misfortune, and he still chooses to pray for them. The point is that he refuses to take what has happened to him quietly. Not accepting that what happened to him was just, but not accepting others' injustice either.

Ugh. I phrased all of this way better in the first draft. I really truly hate this.

Anyway my point is that Job, despite being far richer than the average Jew by the standards of his time, actually is meant to represent a very common situation: what do you when bad things happen. Do you blame yourself, or do you blame God? Do you let other people beat you when you're down, or do you stand up for yourself?

And the thing is those themes are universal, but they're not really related to Peter Parker in particular. In the shallowest sense, the kind I used to compare Cap and David or Superman and Moses, they do not have similar stories or backgrounds. Job has everything, and he loses it all, and he mourns all of it, including the property and money; Peter Parker is working class, has never had enough money, but we see again and again that he views it as a tool rather than a goal in and of itself. Spider-Man's origin is about learning to battle your yetzer hara, your darkest impulses, and we see Peter again and again trying to do his best even though he's often being pulled by his instincts to use his power for selfish purposes. Job does not ever have to learn any such lesson; he never did anything wrong.

The one thing in common between the two stories is that they both believe that every life has value - well, if Peter is being written by a competent authors at least - with Job praying to save the men who are literally called the "resha'im", the evil ones, and with Peter being the little man's hero. But that can be said about most heroes, especially the notable ones. Hell, there's an entire double page spread dedicated to the concept in Batwoman: Elegy. This is more of another indication of Jewish values making their way into the foundations of superhero comics than it is a similarity between Job and Peter.

Also, I feel like I need to be clear. Our prayers thanking God for creating something? Traditionally are simply thanking God for creating something. I'm not saying you can't interpret it as a metaphor for the world if that's what works for you, if that's how you see God, but God was very literal to most Jews for thousands of years, and I could talk for ages and ages about the schools of thought regarding God and the world and Maimonides and shit.

Speaking of which, we need to discuss the fact that Job is literally just some guy. Like he's not a prophet, he's not a leader or a judge, he's just some rich dude who lost everything, mourned it, and then got it all back. I've talked about this before, but one of the foundational ideas of my thesis is that the similarity between prophets having powers (such as Samson but also really any judge being considered a higher authority despite not even communing directly with God) and superheroes invokes Maimonides' claim that the first degree of prophecy is the need to act for the better good, being unable to ignore the ills of the world and doing your best to fix them - that people who incapable of ignoring that urge (and Peter, despite his occasional selfishness, often prioritizes Spider-Man in his life specifically because of that urge) are possessed by the spirit of God. Literal prophecy, communing with God, cannot exist without this base level. So, in effect, Peter is significantly holier than Job.

Anyway. Again, I've definitely missed some points because of Tumblr's fuck up and I intentionally skipped most of the history lesson that gave a lot of context which I didn't feel like typing up again, but this is most of it. Sorry if this wasn't what you hoped for, but this was a really interesting thing to talk about anyway, and I'm very grateful you gave me the opportunity to think it over.

[inkwolvesandcoffee]

Alright, I’ve no time to properly write this because I only just came up with it while getting the messages, but…

BAKING HOT CROSS BUNS WITH ALFIE!

TH Masterlist

“Alright, love, kitchen. Come on.”

Even though he’s Jewish, he can’t say no to a hot cross bun.

And he sure as hell isn’t going to deny you one either.

Then again, he doesn’t deny you anything. He is, however, getting better at telling you ‘no’ when he starts to think he’s maybe overdoing it a bit.

ANYWAY, BAKING!

He has a recipe he uses in his bakery, which is the base for the hot cross bun loaf he plans to teach you.

Or, rather, make together.

He’s modified the recipe to make it unique by adding in orange zest and juice from the orange tree he’s planted in his yard and you’re now taking care of together.

And one of the foods that bind you.

Now, Alfie is very critical of what he sells at The Old Rum House. So, whenever his bakers make something that isn’t up to par with his standards, oh Lord…

It’s an enlightened tyranny, truth be told.

But he’s incredibly patient with you.

He’s continuously standing behind you. He’ll watch you mix the ingredients he’s weighed out and guide your hands when it comes to kneading and piping on the characteristic cross-like shape on top of the loaf.

His bear paws envelop yours, fingers entwined as much as possible and the skin of his calloused palms rough against the backs of your hands.

All the while, he’s cooing instructions and compliments in your ear. Occasionally, he’ll throw in a low chuckle he’s only too aware makes your insides melt and ignites that warmth between your legs he’s unashamedly addicted to.

But it’s in moments like this, with him being your shield against the world and doing something together, he simply wants to be.

Simply Alfie, a man head over heels in love with his dove ever since she first visited his business.

After all, not everything has to lead to sex. In fact, it’s when you’re basking in each other’s company doing something simple he’s at his happiest.

He’ll make a cup of coffee (or tea if you don’t like it) to enjoy while you wait for the loaf to proof. In the meanwhile, you’re watching the sea or, weather permitting, sit in the yard to soak up the sunshine.

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT allowed to handle the oven. Although you’re a fully grown individual, Alfie doesn’t want you to accidentally hurt yourself. In his eyes, the oven is a risk to your safety and well-being (despite, as you’ve insisted many a time, it’s not) and so he’ll handle the putting in and taking out of the loaf.

After dinner, you both sit down with another cup of coffee and/or tea to enjoy with a slice of the loaf. Snuggled up into him, you watch the telly (Alfie loves The Great British Bake-off, so he’ll happily watch along when it’s on) or pick up a book to read the night away like he tends to do.

Another shared passion.

Another moment together.

Tag list: @hecatemoon87 @buttercupsandboys @zablife @liliac-dreamer @babaohhhriley @rose-like-the-phoenix @potter-solomons @dreamlandcreations @wandawiccan60 @solomons-finest-rum

[punkbakerchristine]

coming up on a year of me baking, so here are some things i’ve picked up on along the way:

read the recipe, especially with baking. if a recipe tells you to do something, it’ll probably tell you. the biggest mistake i see happen with people on the great british baking show (especially the celebrity one) is people overthinking things. a recipe is basically a successful lab experiment that was recorded, so i would listen to them if i were you.

that cooked.wiki/ shortcut is a huge lifesaver. really, i don’t know where i would be without it.

baking is science. cooking is an art. in fact, it wasn’t until around the 18th century when women started entering the kitchen to bake. i.e., this whole trope that baking is a feminine thing flies right over my head.

as mary berry would say, chocolate melts in your pocket. in other words, it literally does not need that much heat in order to be tempered.

if chocolate is shiny, that’s good. if not, turn down the heat and keep going until it is.

good way to save a frosting that’s “split” or curdled in appearance: add some more liquid and keep beating it.

butter is your friend. so is olive oil. hell, any kind of fat is your friend—except margarine. avoid that shit at all costs.

oil is used in spice cakes because butter will turn them into bricks. oil makes it lighter and fluffier.

when you’re adding some more wet ingredients, add a little more flour. this will help balance out the batter. this works the other way, too: add a little more liquid if it’s too dry.

a good method of making chocolate a little more chocolate-y: add a tablespoon of coffee. i did this for the chocolate bailey’s cake on st. paddy’s day and my last two chocolate babkas and the chocolate came out rich and delicious.

cardamom does this with cinnamon and ginger. one of the reasons why i love my recipe for spice cake so much is because cardamom enhances all the spices.

literally the best way to stop yourself from overbeating a batter is pause the mixer as you pour in an egg, dry mixture, whatever. you spare yourself from injury doing this, too.

always flour your surface and rolling pin before you roll out your cookie dough/pie crust/any kind of dough. do the same with powdered sugar for marzipan and fondant, too.

literally watch caramel as its melting down and bubbling because it turns amber in the blink of an eye. another big mistake i see on tv all too often.

the hellofresh kits: their best proteins are their beef, shrimp, and anything ground up. their chicken and their pork can be pretty hit-and-miss, but when they’re good, they’re amazing.

wash your hands after handling any kind of raw meat, eggs, onions, and chili peppers. make sure your knife is sharp and you’re wearing some kind of protection when you’re slicing an onion (something i heard in welding and machine shop a lot whenever i took off my glasses: “nothing worse than a blind engineer.”)

don’t ever let anyone tell you that you have to laugh if things go awry in the kitchen in order to be classified as a good cook or chef. shit’s an emotional experience and you put your heart into the food, probably more than art or writing (and i get emotional over art all the time, and i’ve found i give more of myself in writing than i do art). like… i cried over a quiche.

i actually have mad respect for anyone who does vegan baking. i made a vegan chocolate cake back in january of this year and it was like a crepe 😅

bake what you like. i like spice cakes, anything chocolate, breads, cookies, pies, and tray bakes. i like stuff that’s kind of unusual like babka and anything jewish, canadian, latin, indian, or british. i like aromatic stuff. i like the kinds of goods you get at halloween or christmas, like they’re warm.

if you’re making something like a pot pie or a wellington, something that has an interior that needs to be cooked, cook it beforehand and then put it in the crust and bake it.

you actually don’t always have to blind bake a pie crust, like if it’s a meringue pie or one of those enclosed meat pies you can get in england. it is a good idea if you’re making a tart, a quiche, or any fruit pie, however.

forget pastry: if you can master bread, you can tackle anything.

when you’re baking bread, you don’t necessarily have to bloom the yeast—i guess some authors do this because it wakes up the yeast and preps it for the dough, but moisture + flour will do that trick as is.

keep the salt and yeast on opposite sides of the bowl. salt stunts the yeast and will take longer for the dough to rise.

depending on the type of dough, you can just knead bread with your hands. if anything, this is the best way to do it. go by time, too: my first loaf took me 15 minutes to knead until it felt as smooth as the inside of my arm; really put your arms and shoulders into it, too, make your muscles work (and this was back when i was still over 200 pounds, too).

fewer things in life are more satisfying than kneading bread dough. it’ll make your arms and shoulders nice and strong, too.

good way to tell if your bread is underproved: there’s a big split near the top. if you poke the dough, and it doesn’t bounce back right away, let it proof for longer. if you poke it, and it sort of collapses, it’s overproofed (never been a problem with me because i’m always on top of that, but i see it a lot in my bread making group on facebook).

mnemonic device for remembering the different types of meringues: french meringue starts with “f”, “f” for “foundation”, it’s the most basic meringue with the egg whites, cream of tartar, and sugar. swiss meringue. “sw”. “sweet”. “sweet water.” whip the egg whites over a bain-marie and add the sugar there (swiss meringue inexplicably is a bit sweeter than french). italian meringue is made by pouring a simple syrup into the egg whites so it looks like the boot of italy. at some point, i’ll come up with one for the different types of pastry cream 😅

salt is also your friend, even in sweet goods. especially in sweet goods.

it’s a little difficult to confuse salt with sugar (especially if you’re like me and you keep them in separate cupboards). a mere taste will save you on that, too.

145° is the safe temperature for beef and pork. 165° for chicken. 200° for bread.

iirc: it’s your cheekbone for rare beef. the tip of your nose for medium rare. your chin for medium.

less really is more with baking and cooking. this is another thing that people on baking shows do that drives me nuts (judges often don’t like it, either, believe it or not). you don’t need to add cherry, lemon, ginger, and nuts to that chocolate cake, becky, you can just do the nuts.

i just barely started with sourdough but so far, i’ve learned that with some recipes, when it misses, it REALLY misses. like i made sourdough english muffins a while back: they were good and we ate them at breakfast, but they were weirdly heavy, like hockey pucks.

i actually really don’t like it when there are other people in the kitchen with me. i’ve always been autonomous and did better working alone without any distractions. for this reason, i could never be on a baking show, what with all the cameras in your face and producers running around.

the more you bake, the more you’ll want to turn away from any store bought baked goods.

and finally, i really could not have become a baker at a better time, if i’m honest. i made my first loaf of bread on october 7, when the middle east fell into chaos again and this fated feeling swept over me. food in america is mostly comprised of things that aren’t even food, like high fructose corn syrup—that’s part of why i managed to lose 60 pounds since then, i know what’s going into what i put in my mouth and i can think ahead to what i’m going to eat through the day (and we wonder why american society is having the mother of all health crises, on a physical and mental level: everyone is eating garbage and not getting their vitamins, good fats, good carbs, and proteins, and everyone isn’t treating themselves to something comforting like a donut or a piece of pie). i hope more people realize this, too, like… when shit hits the fan and america descends into chaos itself, turn to those of us with the tools of the trade and like to work with our hands.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die | Chapter 19 | Austin Butler Fanfiction

word count: 2475

warnings: language, baby/pregnancy talk?

cross posted on wattpad

masterlist

————————————————————————

Mila has been staying with Victoria all week while Austin is in New York. They've been baking, watching Christmas movies, wrapping presents, facials, and of course watching their fave reality TV while having a snack fest.

Vic was going to go, but realized if she couldn't fly to Denver for Thanksgiving to be with Ashton, she couldn't fly to NYC to be with Austin.

But, Austin promised her he'll take her and the baby next year for Christmas so she can see the Rockettes.

"Have you even heard from Austin this week?" Mila asked Victoria as they frost cookies together.

"I heard from him once, and that's it. He was just checking in. He's been so busy rehearsing. And probably making out with Juliet in his downtime when he does have it."

Juliet & Austin have yet to make it official, but honestly anytime now Austin could be asking her to be his. They've been very smitten these past few weeks. So much, he invited her out to New York to see him on SNL.

Mila chuckles, "And you say you aren't jealous."

"Because I'm not."

"Girl...."

"I promise you, I am not jealous."

"Alright, if you say so. But if you're not jealous, then what's your deal with her?"

"She's nice but she just doesn't seem right for him."

"How so?"

"I feel like she might be using him for his fame."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she's an aspiring writer or some shit."

"Oh...hm." Mila gives a short response, not really knowing what to say. "Maybe."

After they finish frosting cookies, they put them into Tupperware containers to keep them fresh, then go into the living room to watch Austin on SNL.

"I have my sister Ashley here with me tonight! Ashley, I love you! And I also have a very special someone here, Juliet, my girlfriend! Love you, baby!" Austin said during his opening monologue.

Victoria's mouth dropped open, with wide eyes. So did Mila's.

"Umm...did he tell you they made it official?" Mila asks.

"No? What the hell? When did this happen? Why didn't he tell me?"

"No idea."

They continued watching the episode & although Victoria was upset with him, she couldn't help but to laugh at his skits. Especially when he's playing an old Jewish grandma.

"Oh my god. Goddamn it, Austin. I just laughed so hard I legit peed myself. The struggles of being pregnant." Victoria says, getting up from the couch to go change her underwear and bottoms.

"That's gotta be fun." Mila says sarcastically.

"Yep, so much fun."

They finish the episode & Vic gives it a bit before calling Austin.

"Hey! How'd you like the show?!" Austin says loudly into the phone, with music in background.

"It was uh, great! But um,-

Austin cuts her off, "Hold on! Let me go outside, I'm at the after party and it's loud! Julie, I'll be right back, it's Vic!"

Vic hears Juliet reply, "Okay!"

"Hey, sorry. I'm outside now. What we're you saying?"

"I was saying it was great!" Vic says, but now she's getting a bit of an attitude with him. "But why didn't you tell me you made it official with Juliet?"

"Did I not?"

"No? Not that I can recall."

"Why are you getting an attitude with me? I'm sorry if I didn't tell you."

"Austin, we're having a baby together. I think I should know what's going on in my parenting partners life."

"I know we're having a baby together, and I have been telling you everything but I forgot this one thing. I'm sorry, okay?  It's been a really hectic week, it slipped my mind. I'm sorry."

"How long ago did you ask her?"

"I asked her on Tuesday."

"The day we spoke."

"I guess? Was that when we talked?"

"Yes."

"Well, I asked her that night. We spoke that afternoon."

"But you still didn't even think to tell me."

"Listen Vic, rehearsals were insane, and then I was so caught up in moments with her that I forgot. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Yeah, it's whatever, I guess."

"Vic..."

"What?"

"You know it's not just 'whatever'"

"It's fine. I accept your apology." she rolls her eyes.

"Thank you. How are you doing though? Are you alright? Is the baby alright?"

"Yep, we're both peachy keene. Um, by the way, you made me legit piss myself."

Austin laughs, "Wait, really?"

"Yes." she giggles. "Lois was funny as hell, Aus. I didn't know you could play an old Jewish lady."

He laughs some more, "Yeah, I didn't know either. This show really got me to come out of my shell. You know how shy I can be sometimes."

"I know."

"I should get back inside before Juliet starts to worry & look for me."

"Yeah, no problem. You fly home tomorrow?"

"Yes, we're getting on a red eye tomorrow after the Rockettes."

"Oh, you're still going to that?"

"Yeeaahh, Julie wanted to go."

"Oh. Julie wanted to go."

"She did. Don't worry, I'll bring you back something. I promise. And I'll take you next year."

"I'm holding you to it, Butler."

"I know you will, Williams."

"So sometime tomorrow night you'll be back then?"

"Yeah, we get in around 2:45 am, so technically Monday morning."

"Alright, sounds good. I will see you then."

"Alright. I'll keep you updated."

"Okay. I'll talk to soon."

"Bye, love you....as a friend."

"...love you too. Bye."

Victoria hangs up the phone with a puzzled look.

"Did he say he loves you?" Mila asks.

"Yeah, but he clarified it 'as a friend'."

"You think he may mean it romantically still?"

"God, I hope not. I mean, this man, who usually keeps his relationships private, announced his current relationship on live TV and said he loves her."

"That's true. I mean, I'm sure he still loves you in some way and will always love you. You are carrying his baby right now."

"Yeah, you're not wrong."

It's the next night, currently 3:45 am Monday morning.

Victoria hears commotion going on in the kitchen, & she gets startled.

She grabs her small baseball bat that she keeps by her bed. Her dad gave it to her to keep with her close just in case an intruder were to ever come in.

Vic slowly walks out into the hallway; she continues to hear noise.

"Austin? Is that you?" she calls out.

"Yeah, it's me!" he calls out.

"Oh, thank god." she drops her stance with the bat and goes into the kitchen, with a hand over her beating chest.

"I'm sorry we woke you & scared you."

"It's fine. I thought you would have been back already."

"Did you not see my text? I texted you saying our flight was delayed by an hour."

"Oh. No, I didn't get anything from you."

"Must have not gone through, the airport didn't have the greatest service or Wi-Fi."

"Yeah, must've."

"Is Mila still here?"

"Yeah, she's still set up on the air mattress in the baby's room. She's a heavy sleeper."

"Gotcha. Well, Julie and I are going to head off to bed. You should get back to bed too."

"Yeah, I should. Good night."

"Night."

Victoria takes herself back to bed & lays there, letting her thoughts run.

"Julie and I are going to head off to bed." she thinks to herself in a mocking tone.

"Julie. Since when has Julie been a nickname for Juliet? Has it always? I don't know but it makes me cringe. Also, we're they making out as soon as they got in here? I swear Austin's lips looked more pink than usual and kind of swollen. Those perfect, plump, pink lips of his. Fuck, stop. No. We're not going there. I have Ashton. He needs to get his ass over here more often if I have to essentially third wheel around here now. Fuck. Now that they're official, I'll see her here all the time. Great. Just great. Ugh. I really hope he knows what he's doing. She better not be in it for his money and fame. I'll slap a bitch if that's the case."

After Vic finished ranting to herself, she drifted back off to sleep.

In the morning, she wakes up and goes out to the kitchen to grab her protein shake & some breakfast.

She notices Austin & Juliet snuggled up on the couch, kissing each other here & there.

"Morning." she says to them.

"Morning, sleepy head." Austin says. "I'm surprised you weren't up before us."

"Yeah, I had a rough night. Baby girl was very active last night & kept me up."

"I'm sorry she was being a little monster." Austin jokes a little.

"It's fine. Maybe I'll try and nap later. What are your guy's plans for today?"

"We're going to go try and finish our Christmas shopping while Juliet has a day off. What about you?"

"Um, I don't know. I'll have to see what Ash is up to."

"Alright. Well, you're more than welcome to join us, if you two want to tag along. Maybe make it a double date kind of thing."

"Uh, yeah! That'd be fun! Let me text him."

"Double date? God. Sounds horrific, but I'll play along just because I know I have to for the sake of being civil with Austin."  Vic thinks to herself as she pulls her phone out. "At least I'll have Ashton with me & maybe this way I can really see how Juliet is with Austin."

Victoria texts Ashton, and he's down to go shopping.

"Ash is down. What time are we going?" she asks.

"Around noon. Is that good?"

"Yeah, that should be fine. I'll let him know."

Mila comes out into the kitchen, "Morning, guys." she yawns. "Welcome back, Austin."

"Thanks, Mila." he smiles. "Have you met Juliet?"

"I haven't. Hi, I'm Mila. Vic's best friend, cast mate, and former roommate." Mila says to Juliet.

"Hi! Nice to meet you." Juliet smiles. She turns to Austin, "Hey Aus, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Alright, I'll be here." Austin smiles, giving her a quick kiss.

Victoria purses her lips in annoyed way and raises her eyebrows.

Mila asks quietly, "What's wrong?"

"She called him Aus."

"So?"

"That's my name for him. I came up with it. I'm the only one who calls him that." Vic whispers.

Mila crosses her arms, "Jealousy, jealousy."

"Will you stop saying that??"

"No, not until you admit it."

"There's nothing to admit."

"Okay, if you say so."

Austin says from the living room, "Mila, we're all going last minute shopping if you want to join."

"I can't unfortunately. I gotta get home and pack & drive down to San Diego to be with family for a couple days before my moms go to visit my brother across seas in Italy. But, thanks for the invite!"

"Yeah, no problem! I didn't know you were from San Diego."

"Yeah, my brother and I were adopted & we have two moms down there. My brother is currently doing some work in Italy. I would go too, but it's just so expensive right now. But, I'll be with you guys for Christmas! You will both have to come visit with me sometime. They always take my friends in as their own."

"I'd love to." Vic smiles.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Get out of the city for a couple days." Austin says.

"I'll have to let you know next time I go."

"For sure." Vic says.

Juliet comes back from the bathroom and sits back down with Austin.

"You okay, babe? You were in there for a bit." he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got my period is all, so, you know."

"Gotcha."

"Vic, what's it like not having a period? Is being pregnant better?" Juliet asks her.

"Um, mostly it is. For me, at least. I always have the worst cramps, so I'll take baby girl practicing her high kicks in the womb any day. But, I've heard it's different for everyone. Some pregnancies can be more painful than periods."

"Good to know for the future." she smiles at Austin. He shyly smiles back.

Vic thinks to herself, "She's not already planning their future together now, is she?"

Mila says her goodbyes to everyone before heading off.

Eventually, Ashton meets everyone at the house & they all go out for lunch at a local diner first before shopping.

"I can't believe I'm hanging out with THE Ashton from The Driver Era." Juliet gushes. "I love your band; I've seen you play live a few times before."

"Aw, thank you!" Ashton replies.

"Yeah, he's great, isn't he?" Vic looks at Ashton all lovingly.

"He really is." Juliet smiles.

"Hey, don't go crushing on someone else, baby girl." Austin says to Juliet.

"I'm not, I'm not." Juliet laughs.

Hearing Austin say, 'baby girl', made Vic feel things she doesn't & shouldn't be feeling.

She distracts herself by rubbing her hand on Ashton's thigh under the table. Ash shoots her a sly smirk, and whispers into her ear, "You trying to get frisky right now?"

"Maybe." she giggles.

"Don't worry, you'll get me later." he winks.

"Oh, will I now?"

"Mhm."

"Get a room, you two." Austin jokes. 

"Hey, I could have said the same thing about you guys this morning." Victoria jokes back.

"What? Weren't doing anything."

"I saw you guys being all flirty and making out."

"We weren't making out." 

"If you say so."

Juliet chimes in, "Are you two always like this? Just bantering all the time?"

"Haha, yeah. We used to not get along very well after some things happened on set, and that banter has stuck through our friendship."

"I see. Was it because of...?"

"Yeaaahh." Vic replies. "Now that she's out of all of our lives, we all have moved passed everything and can be friends."

"That's great to hear." Juliet smiles.

Throughout lunch, whenever Austin & Juliet did something cute & romantic, Victoria felt the need to one up them and do something romantic with Ashton.

As they were heading out to the car, Austin let Ashton & Juliet get ahead, and he pulled Vic back a bit.

"Hey, are you like, jealous of me & Julie?" Austin asks Vic. 

"No? Why would you ask that?"

"I feel like you kept trying to one up us."

"No, I wasn't. You can think that though if you want. Are you sure you're still not jealous of Ash & I?"

"I'm positive."

"Then alright, case closed. No jealousy detected."

"Whatever you say, Williams."

"Shut up, Butler. I am not jealous. End of discussion."

"Fuck." Vic thinks to herself. "Maybe I am jealous. And if I am, I need to stop myself."

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[buzzdixonwriter]

Jan. 30, 1968 / Oct. 7, 2023

Despite claims to the contrary, prior to the end of the Babylonian captivity circa 539-7 BCS, Judea was a henotheistic* society, not significantly different from its neighbors and rivals in the region.

Split off from ancient Israel following a civil war -- a rival Hebrew culture subsumed into Syria two centuries earlier -- Judea eventually fell prey to the Babylonian empire in 598 BCS.

Long story short, the educated ruling elite were either killed or enslaved, leaving only illiterate peasants behind in the ruins of Jerusalem and other Judean cities.

In 539 BCE it was the Babylonians turn in the barrel as the Persian empire crushed them.  By that time many -- perhaps most -- of the captured elite Judeans either assimilated into Babylonian culture, intermarrying and converting to their captors’ gods.

However, a hardcore remnant clung to their separate identity as Jews.  Whether they started as nationalists who became monotheists or monotheists who became nationalists is moot; by 537 BCE the ancient Jews hardwired two primary creeds into their culture: 

There is only one God

He gave Judea and Jerusalem to us alone

We’ll skip over a lot of historical detail for the next half millennia.  Like clockwork Judea fell to then rebelled against several foreign conquerors.  While these conquerors exerted great direct and indirect influence on Jewish culture, they did not enslave and remove them as the Babylonians did.   

Many Jews -- primarily merchants but also scholars and religious officials -- emigrated to other lands and established communities there.  While some assimilated, most retained their cultural identity.

Come the first century CE, however, things reached a boiling point in Judea again.  They rebelled against the Roman empire and the Romans responded by wiping Judea as a nation off the face of the earth, killing or scattering almost all the Jews in the region.

Non-rebellious Jews living outside Judea were regarded with suspicion but mostly spared.  The Romans erased the name of Judea from the maps and renamed the territory Palestine, a Latin derivative of Philistine, the ancient Hebrews / Israelite / Judeans long hated and despised ancestral enemies.

For nearly two thousand years, this remained the status quo.

While most cultures suffering defeat and captivity would collapse and either die out or be assimilated, the Jews retained their hardcore cultural identity.  Returning to Judea became baked into their cultural DNA:  ///”Next year in Jerusalem”/// became the byword at every Passover.

While never as evangelistic as their offshoot religion, the Christians, the Jewish faith did find many gentile converts and adherents in the first and second centuries CE.

The Christians, however, gained a significant recruiting edge by offering Judaism-lite: The same basic moral ethos minus the wienie whacking and dietary restrictions required to be fully admitted into the Jewish faith.

Again, we’ll skip over reams of historical detail to focus on these two facts:

Jews and Christians were rivals for converts and influence in the first and second centuries CE

Christians eventually became the official religion of the Roman and later Byzantine empires

Christians persecuted rival religious beliefs more vigorously than they’d been persecuted two centuries earlier,

By medieval times the Jews were relentlessly persecuted and victimized in Europe and either barely tolerated (if lucky) in the Islamic world or eradicated (if not).

Through all this, every Passover around the world included “Next year in Jerusalem.”

In Europe all this came to an ugly head in the 19th and 20th centuries CE.  “Antisemitism” was coined as a polite replacement for the older and more accurate “Jew hatred.”  By 1939 CE the Holocaust revved into high gear and by the time WWII ended in 1945 CE, at least six million Jews had been slaughtered by Jew haters.

While a few individuals and families found their way back to Palestine in the centuries before, Zionism -- i.e., a desire for a literal large scale Jewish resettlement of their historical homeland -- really got started in the 19thcentury CE.

By the start of WWII it proved a serious enough movement that it drew the attention of both the British empire (who controlled Palestine at that point) and local Islamic leaders (some of whom disliked Jews because of friction Mohammad had with some Jewish communities, others because they allied with the anti-British Nazis abd hey, the enemy of my enemy’s enemy is my enemy, right?).

Add to this mix some decidedly antisemitic British military and political leaders undermining efforts at a peaceful solution and you get an idea of what happened at ground level in Palestine in 1948.

Europe -- horrified at the inevitable outcome pf two thousand years of Jew hatred -- felt eager to give the Jews (particularly surviving European Jews) a homeland…

…outside of Europe.

A couple of places were suggested (with in consultation with native populations already living there) but ultimately the United Nations opted to divide Palestine into roughly four pieces and give two to the Jews and two non-adjacent pieces to the Palestinians already living there.

Any moron can see this was a recipe for disaster.

The Jewish refugees – many of them battle hardened bastards who just survived the Holocaust – wanted all the land their three thousand-plus year old culture promised them.

Many of the local Palestinians pointed out:

They occupied the land longer than the ancient Jews did and

since the Holocaust was a European problem maybe the Europeans should solve it in Europe.

In any case, the U.S. recognized Israel but not Palestine as a sovereign nation.  Irate Palestinians and Arab allies tried to overrun Israel, more than a few vowing genocide.  The former Jewish refugees now known as Israelis proved they mean it when they say “Never agaib” and a long series of bloody wars and uprisings and terrorist attacks began.

Which brings us to Oct. 7, 2023 and Jan. 30, 1968.

Let the record show that Hamas are a bunch of bloodthirsty genocidal hate mongers determined to wipe out Israel and are willing to do so in a manner than guarantees massive retaliation against the very Palestinians they claim to be trying to liberate.

Let the record also show that the current Israeli government is perfectly willing to kick and punch that tar baby, either unable or unwilling to acknowledge doing so plays right into their enemy’s hands.

Hamas committed atrocities aimed against civilians, deliberately targeting women, children, and families within Israeli territory who posed to direct threat to them.

Israel responded with attacks that inflicted ten to twenty to thirty times as many casualties on Palestinians who had nothing to do with Hamas’ attack.

Hamas, while absolutely not justified in their attacks on civilians, were responding to relentless provocation by militant Israeli nationalists; in particular, in the week before the Oct. 7 attack (which had been planned and put in motion long before this occurred), a group of Israeli militants stormed the Al-Asqa mosque in Jerusalem to disrupt a regularly scheduled worship service.**

On Jan. 30, 1968 the U.S. had been in active ground combat in Vietnam for three years, an escalation from previous “advisors” dating back to the 1950s.

Every day the U.S. was told we were winning, that the Viet Cong quivered on the verge of collapse, and their capitulation was just around the corner.

On Jan. 30, 1968 the Tet Offensive started.  It proved to be a massive tactical defeat for the Viet Cong…

…and strategically it won the war for them.

Make no bones about it, the Viet Cong were just as blood thirsty and as ruthless as Hamas, perfectly willing to provoke the U.S. into massive retaliation against Vietnamese civilians because they knew in the end the Vietnamese would side with the other Vietnamese fighting a foreign power.

Take all the time you need to let that sink in. 

Hamas has won this for the Palestinian people:  There will be an independent Palestinian state.

And they won’t be under Israel’s thumb.

If Israel follows its current policies, they simply delay the inevitable and give the rest of the world even less reason to support the existence of a Jewish state.

Cut your loses now while there’s time.

If the U.S. recognized this in 1968, we would have spared tens of thousands of American lives and hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese.

“But Hamas and other Arab terrorists have vowed to destroy Israel.”

Yes, they have…

…and, no, they won’t.

Hamas and the rest of Palestine (and the rest of the Middle East, for that matter) needs to wrap theire brains around this face:  Israel has nuclear weapons.

The day Israel thinks there’s even a ghost of a chance they will be overrun is the day several  Middle Eastern population centers disappear in a flash of white hot light.

Think Mecca and Medina aren’t on that list?  Really?  You think after what was done to them over the last 2,500+ years that the Jews are bluffing when they say “Never again”?

Here’s the answer; none of you are going to like it:

Everybody gives up something.

Israel grabs their militant settlers by the ears (or other more delivate portions of their anatomy) abd drags them off Palestinian land.

That territory you grabbed in the Six Day War and the Yom Kippur War?  You’re going to need to give a lot of it back.

You don’t get Biblical Judea back, you get a new Jewish nation with new boundaries.

The Palestinians need to knock off all this “from the river to the sea” crap.

Ain’t gonna happen.

And be prepared to cede a lot of Palestinian territory to Israel so they can have on contiguous country.

You’ll get a bunch of territory Israel now controls, but that’s it.  Nothing more.

New borders need to be set and both sides need to stay within their own territory.  Draw a narrow DMZ from the Mediterranean through Jerusalem and let the U.N. administer it as a multi-national zone.

Nobody gets what they want.

But if they’re wise, everybody gets something their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren can live with.

  © Buzz Dixon

  *  Henotheistic means a culture with one supreme primary god – in this case Yahweh a.k.a. Jehovah – but several lesser gods, demi-gods, and heavenly beings.  While the primary god is dominant, it is not strictly a monotheistic culture.

**  How important is Al-Asqa mosque to Arab Muslims?  Imagine a bunch of atheists storming Notre Dame to disrupt mass.

[roninreverie]

Tiny break from my regularly scheduled fanfic art to draw up some STRQ parents, featuring the Ooblecks.

Strangely enough, it was this post about snail color dyes that made me be like... I need a blue, snail-man named Tek in this story right now... but where?! I never named Bartholomew's dad, and they've got slime-based Semblances, so BOOM! It was all downhill from there!

Spoiler-free versions of my character notes for these guys under the cut:

Phyllis “Merryweather” Xiao Long:

Tai’s mother.

Is kind of the unofficial community leader of Patch's social circles.

Her maiden name is in reference to the fairy from Sleeping Beauty.

Her first name is a RvB reference that started as a joke placeholder and accidentally became permanent. 🤣

Yichen Xiao Long:

Tai’s father.

Ran a dojo on Patch.

His name is based off of Chinese characters “Yi” 奕 , meaning “great: and “Chen” 辰 meaning “early morning/ sun/ dragon of the Chinese zodiac… which is in reference to Taiyang’s own name meaning “great or little sun dragon” (—buuut IDK Chinese so all this is speculative Google searching on my part).

Sheila Oobleck:

Bartholomew’s mother and Phyllis’ best gal pal.

She loves gossip and wears yellow. She crashes any car she gets behind the wheel of.

Her name is PURELY and INTENTIONALLY a RvB reference! Semblance is strictly cosmetic, like Bakugo's mom.

Tekhelet “Tek” Oobleck:

Bartholomew’s father.

Archaeologist, studies ruins. Wears Blue.

Semblance would probably be related to the slime from snail trails. His name is a color Blue, based on a stray tumblr post (see above) I saw about blue dyes, Tyrian purples, snails, and Jewish historical fun facts.

Zariyah “Gale” Rose:

Summer’s mother.

She was kind and gentle, had an angelic singing voice, and baked a mean batch of cookies.

Her Semblance was akin to a “gentle breeze”.

Both her names are a reference to “wind”.

Ryley Rose:

Summer's father.

His Semblance allowed him to grow seeds into flowers just in the palm of his hand (though they died shortly after). If used on seeds in the ground, his Semblance instead helped the vegetation grow stronger and healthier than it ever would have on its own.

His name means “rye clearing” in homage to his Semblance and “growing crops” as a farmer. 

Heron Branwen:

The twins' father.

He is the leader of the Branwen bandit tribe.

His Semblance is "Positive Outlook" - a precognitive ability to alter probability and bring about the most beneficial outcome through visions of differing scenarios.

Ardent:

The twins' mother.

She was said to like tea and birdwatching; had red eyes, an explosive temper, and was good with a sword.

I always thought her Semblance might have something to do with shadow-based teleportation.

Her name is one I use in fics sometimes because it's unique-sounding. It means "burning; enthusiastic, passionate" and I believe is also a shade of Red.

[stars-inthe-sky]

So, hey. How did you and your family celebrate Passover when you were a kid? How about now?

My Rhode Island aunt and uncle almost always hosted a big family Seder, and it was the absolute best. A good Seder is educational, food-filled, and legit fun—it's a ritual meal that includes storytelling, singing, prayers, and a general focus on including and teaching everyone involved, regardless of age or even whether attendees are Jewish. (If ever you're invited to a friend's Seder, go! Do not bring a challah, which my actually-bar-mitzvahed brother-in-law did once as an attempt at a thoughtful host gift. We still make fun of him.)

And my uncle (the same one who officiated at my wedding, and the wedding of my other sister) may well be the greatest host/leader there is; over the years he compiled from a medley of sources what added up to his own Haggadah (basically the guidebook to the Seder—there are a million published and informal versions working off the same template, with readings and activities and interpretations that can go kid-centric or feminist or traditional or whatever). It was always just insanely fun, and warm, and joyous, with incredible food and an increasing array of baked-in, just-us traditions.

Since I went to college basically down the street from their house, and then lived just an hour away in Boston for so long, that was pretty much the heart of my and my family's celebration most years—right up until Passover 2020, at which point the pandemic negated what had been plans to travel from our new home in Illinois for it, and they also downsized and had their own kids scatter geographically and gain very little ones, so that particular tradition is at best on hiatus now.

But there are fun Seders everywhere—well, the Zoom ones of the pandemic years were a mixed bag, but we've found friends who've make a good go of it, over the years, too, if not quite as an elaborately planned out hourslong celebration as my uncle would do. When I studied abroad in Denmark, Boyfriend and I went to an Orthodox Seder that was in a mix of Danish and Hebrew, for instance—that was novel, and so much of the procedure and the Hebrew was familiar enough to follow along.

Still working on exactly where we'll be for those two nights this year (we haven't really met any Jewish families in Pittsburgh yet to garner an invite, and none of the Reform or Conservative synagogues seem to have community events, which is surprising? And I don't really want to go to Chabad?) but we'll figure something out.

That said, as fun as the Seders can and should be, the rest of Passover is a slog of not eating bread or adjacent products, and experiencing whatever it is matzah does to one's digestive system over the course of a week. It's a meaningful observance, and the fact that the relevant rabbinical boards have stopped including rice and legumes in the "no" column in recent years has been great, but...it's ultimately a holiday recalling the story of the Exodus, and how we were slaves once, so, like, there are some less-fun elements. But the freedom celebration parts usually outweigh that!

[ceaseless-exhauster]

High Holy Days bake-off update

Thank you to everyone who helped me come up with good puns for the prizes in my temple’s bake-off!! It’s happening tonight - I think the pins turned out great, and you can access them here to use for yourself if you’d like: https://www.canva.com/design/DAGQacuuFwc/wK-Gx_Il863Abt606OGuVA/view?utm_content=DAGQacuuFwc&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=editor

Additionally, I’m gonna be submitting these designs to the Hatikvah Sticker Collective, which someone sent to me and I think is such an amazing project!!! https://hatikvahcollective.org

My spouse and I had such a lovely time putting together the prize packs for this too, I can’t even begin to describe how much joy it brought me to do it with them (also we put this all together for less than $75 total, yay for Jewish thriftiness)