#great glass elevator is a great glass acid trip though

[tearosesarts]

@lestatslestits I think this poll is for you

[acryofpain]

Whump Rewrites: Part 3

Excerpt from chapter 4 of John Dies at the End by David Wong.

•••

I woke up in Hell. Darkness and pain (so much pain), time standing still. No wailing, though. I was sure Hell would have wailing.

The creak of a floorboard, and then a FLUMPH sound, like a lit gas grill.

I blacked out.

I came back. How much time had passed? I smelled smoke, was sure I was in Hell this time. Or was I dreaming?

I forced my eyes open and they were heavy, too heavy. Something was wrong. My nose was filled with an acidic itch and I was disappointed to discover that Hell had a cheap tiled ceiling, partially browned with water damage.

My chest hurt, throat and lungs stinging. I was shocked to find I still had an arm and could move it, albeit barely – it was even heavier than my eyelids were, if that was even possible. I felt a wet patch right in the middle of my shirt that made the fabric stick uncomfortably to my skin, which I noticed whenever I shakily breathed out. It hurt to breathe. I was cold all over and distantly thought that it was possible I was in shock. Or something. I thought of Frank Wambaugh.

A couple years ago, at an ammunition production line he worked at, Frank was manning his station as a third-line inspector, the last step in a meticulous quality control process to prevent possible legal liabilities if a cartridge should explode in a policeman’s face. Nonetheless, there was a bad bullet among the half-million produced that day, thanks to a fly that had crawled inside one of the casings. It was the first one to pass unnoticed by the first two inspections, and when it was Frank’s turn, he was distracted by a man behind him.

Or so he thought. He turned, and saw no one.

The defective round thus passed all three inspections, was packaged, sold, and finally distributed to a Detective Lawrence “Morgan Freeman” Appleton six months later. A year after that he loaded said cartridge into his revolver and fired it into my chest. The projectile had only a fraction of the normal propellant and less than one tenth of its usual impact force. The bullet had promptly bounced off the thick breastbone over my heart.

I opened my eyes, didn���t remember blacking out again. I was so tired, just waiting for the flames to engulf me now. With great effort, I raised my head and saw the couch completely devoured by fire, black smoke roiling up to the ceiling. The panelling bubbled and blackened and the carpet was saturated with high octane. The moment a spark fell it would –

I was moving, just like that, crawling on my hands and knees. It was exhausting and I fought the urge to just lay back down and curl up into a ball. Damn, the smoke was filling in so fast now; it was like breathing wads of hot cigarette butts. Gotta get to the door, gotta get to the door. Can’t see shit. I saw something that looked like a door, reached out, touched smooth metal. Refrigerator.

I had crawled in the exact wrong direction. I turned, clambered on again, hands and knees soaking with gasoline. The carpet was on fire now. Shit, hot as hell in here. I crawled. Crawled and crawled. Ah, here’s the door. Thank God. I reached out a quaking hand.

Refrigerator again.

My skin burned, pulled tight on my skull. The place was an oven, a blast furnace. Is that my hair burning? I squinted around. The living room was an orange blur behind me. Could I even make it through there now?

I felt this weird twitching in my chest and realized I was coughing, unable to hear it over the flames roaring and crackling around me. I lowered my head to the floor, hoping to find a few inches of fresh air down there. So tired. My eyes closed all on their own accord.

Darkness again, the familiar back of my own eyelids. Heat was all around me, so intense I could barely recognize the sensation.

A low sound. Wailing?

It was outside. Getting louder. A car. A dog barking.

Get back. Get back!

Who said that?

There was a thunderous, terrible noise – glass shattering, metal screaming, wood snapping and tearing. The kitchen was exploding around me. I was flung backward and suddenly a blast of fresh air washed over my body.

I was looking at the grille of a car, my car, the Hyundai “H” symbol a foot from my face. It reversed itself and wrenched free of the wreckage that had been the trailer’s west wall. There was now a rupture near the floor, frayed with tufts of pink insulation and shredded aluminum siding. Using whatever remnants of energy I had left, I rolled myself out of the hole and fell hard onto the cool grass outside. I coughed, and coughed.

Coughed some more.

Passed out.

I woke up what felt like hours later. Or maybe it was seconds, because the trailer was still a fireball behind me. I was too wiped to appreciate that I had just avoided death twice within a few minutes, first by a fraction of an inch then by a few smoke-filled breaths. I turned over in a half-attempt to get up but found my eyes fluttering. I wasn’t inside the trailer anymore and was mostly out of range from the flames, so I deemed it safe to have a short nap right there on the lawn.

“Dave? David, you alive?”

What? I glanced up, saw someone jogging towards me from my car, which was sitting about twenty feet away. Was that John?

He reached me and pushed me onto my back, wide, concerned eyes taking in my bloodstained clothes and soot-streaked skin. When I didn’t say anything I saw the muscles in his jaw twitch and he said, “Dude, say something. Are you okay? Did – did you get shot? Shit, that’s a lot of blood. What the hell happened to your face?”

“You –“ I was interrupted by a bout of coughing, but was quick to continue. “You almost ran me over, you asshole.”

John’s shoulders visibly relaxed and he donned a wide grin. “Firefighters and cops’ll be here soon. C’mon, let’s go.”

He helped me sit up and my head spun, which meant he was pulling my arm over his shoulders and hauling me to my feet without any help from my end. I was dead weight for a moment before I willed my leaden legs to move, but with me stumbling along, John still had to half-drag me over to the car. He helped me into the passenger seat and I pushed my head back into the headrest, grimacing, a hand pressed over my chest. I was shaking over so slightly, which I only noticed when I realized that it was not, in fact, my Hyundai, because the vehicle wasn’t even running.

John hopped into the driver’s seat and shot me a worried look before turning the key in the ignition. He didn’t even take the time to buckle up before we were shooting off, and the sudden movement of the car rocked me into unconsciousness.

Soon enough (too soon, if you asked me), I was being shaken awake and it took me a long moment to get my bearings. My heart thumped painfully against my ribs as I thought, for a second, that I was still trapped in the burning trailer and that I’d hallucinated the whole being saved thing. But then I took in the familiar dashboard of my car, and John tugging at me so I would get out of the seat. I blinked hard and did so, my one knee giving out as soon as my singed shoes hit pavement, but thankfully John was prepared to keep me upright.

“Where’re we?” I croaked, unable to focus long enough to take in my surroundings so I could figure it out myself.

John looked at me curiously, his eyebrows pinched together. “Munch’s. You should know that. Aren’t you on the sauce?”

Actually, yeah, I had known that. As soon as I’d stepped out of the car I knew we were at Munch’s. I shook my head in an attempt to clear it but all that managed to do was make it feel like the ground was pitching out from beneath me for a split second.

“I’m tired,” I mumbled, not even having the energy to add “as fuck” on the end.

“Yeah, yeah. Munch will know how to patch you up and he probably won’t care if you get blood and soot and the smell of gasoline all over his couch so that’s also a plus. Then you can sleep. But after that we have to book it to Vegas, ‘kay?”

I just grunted. We climbed the steps of the apartment building and then made a beeline for the elevator, which thankfully wasn’t out of order for once. John let go of me and pressed the button for the third floor, and when the elevator jerked into motion, I had to press myself into a corner in order to keep myself upright. The movement really wasn’t helping with my vertigo at the moment and I felt my stomach lurch, but I swallowed against the bile rising in my throat.

Then we were out and I was being led down the corridor at a pace that was almost too fast for me to manage without tripping over myself, and the knock that John delivered to Munch’s door reverberated around my skull, making me scrunch up my nose. At first, there weren’t any noises coming from inside, and I dryly said, “Watch him not be home.”

“Dave, if he’s not home I will break down this door myself and call him from his own landline.”

He was serious.

We both released a sigh of relief when the door’s lock clicked and it swung open, revealing Munch, who was wearing pyjamas, his hair an absolute mess. His eyes landed on me and he stared in shock, not inviting us in or anything. John exclaimed a “hey, man” as he pushed his way in, dragging me after him and across the room so he could put me on the couch. I sat down heavily and I decided right then that this was the most comfy couch I was ever going to encounter in my entire life.

Munch closed the door and slowly walked over, looking like he was at a loss. John crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow expectantly.

“Well? Fix him.”

“Uh... right. Okay, yeah, um, I’ll go grab the first aid kit.”

Munch scurried into another room and was back in seconds, already unzipping a red kit. He told me to take off my shirt and normally I would’ve been pissy and snapped at him to take off his shirt but I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible so I could just sleep. I pulled my charred shirt over my head with a wince, littering flecks of ash over the couch and the floor, and discarded it at my feet. Munch gaped at the hole in my chest before looking helplessly at John.

“He was shot? This is a bullet wound? I can’t – I can’t do anything about –“

“Defective bullet,” I offered. “Kind of just... bounced off. It’s shallow. Hurts like hell though.”

Munch had paled, but he nodded and kneeled down, pulling out rubbing alcohol and a small cloth. He doused it with the alcohol and started to dab at my chest and I threw my head back, clenching my teeth to stop myself from screaming at him, fingers digging into the cushions beneath me. Once he finished cleaning the wound I was lightheaded and had to blink several times to chase away the white spots in my vision. Munch carefully bandaged that, then moved up to the hole in my cheek and wrinkled his nose in disgust. Pausing – as if he was steeling himself or something – he got out a needle and thread. I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut in preparation, and when the needle first went in, I nearly passed out from the white-hot pain that engulfed my entire face. The sensitive nerves all around the gaping wound were just on fire, and I felt John’s hands holding my head in place. It took much, much too long and after that was also bandaged up I hung my head, cradling it in my hands, breathing heavily.

“Dave? You good?”

I gave a shaky thumbs up. Munch apologetically said, “I don’t have anything for burns, I’d have to go to the store. You could run a cold bath or something for now, though? ... Dave?”

I shook my head loosely. “I’m gonna have a fuck’n nap. A long one.”

With that, I swung around and plopped down on my back, wincing as the scratchy fabric irritated my skin. I’d deal with that later.

I fell asleep to the sound of someone trying to ask me if I wanted a blanket.

[johnboothus]

We Asked 15 Brewers: Whats the Most Comforting Beer Youve Had in Quarantine?

As the coronavirus pandemic continues, and bars and brewery taprooms remain closed for on-site consumption as part of concerted efforts to suppress the infection’s spread, you’re likely drinking more than usual at home.

A few weeks ago, we looked at the growing trend of beer enthusiasts digging into their cherished collections and opening special bottles during quarantine. But in these uncertain times, it turns out that many of us — including brewers — are reaching for what’s easy, as well as what comforts us in these uncertain times.

While social distancing, we spoke to 15 brewers about what they’ve been drinking while sheltering in place. It turns out, they’re reaching for everything from bourbon-barrel-aged barleywines to triple-hopped lagers — and yes, hazy IPAs.

“It’s a simple answer: Sante Adarius’ Amongst Friends, a barrel-aged, mixed-fermentation beer with cherries. Featuring soft, subtle acidity, which is rare amongst cherry mixed-ferm beers, this wasn’t bracing in any way. And it was gone from my glass too soon, just like times spent with close friends, cooking up tacos or pizza when general revelry was involved. A beer I wish I had been able to share amongst more friends, but look forward to in the future.” — Zac Ross, Owner and Brewer, Marlowe Artisanal Ales, New Haven, Conn.

“The most comforting beer I’ve had during quarantine is easily the All Together IPA, a worldwide collaboration spearheaded by Other Half that’s supporting hospitality professionals. Since I’ve been self-isolating down in Miami the past month, I picked up the version brewed by Tripping Animals, and wow, did this beer have me missing Brooklyn more than ever. It immediately reminded me of riding the G train all the way to the Smith & 9th Streets stop, and taking a routine photo of the Manhattan skyline before taking the short walk over to Other Half. I’m looking forward to the day that I can get back to the city, but until then I‘ll bide my time in Florida and watch people make bread.” — Kyle Gonzales, NYC Field Marketing, Brooklyn Brewery, Brooklyn

“I’m drinking some funk right now, because that’s what we like and focus on. We had a couple of collaborations that we had to shelve the first week of shutdown in Minnesota. One of those collaborations was with Branch & Bone Artisan Ales. A few weeks prior, their team sent us their house yeast culture along with a few of their bottles. One was Silence Mill, a gin-barrel-aged, mixed-fermentation saison with local honey. I had this beer in Chicago at FOBAB, where it medaled, and then had one last night after a long day of delivering beer, doing what we can to keep the doors open. The beer reminded me of simpler and less chaotic times.” — Jason Sandquist, Co-founder, Wild Mind Artisan Ales, Minneapolis

“I’ve had a love affair with Oxbow’s Italian-style pilsner Luppolo since my first sip, and it’s everything I want in a beer: crisp, citrusy, floral, malty, and dry AF. The head’s incredibly pillowy and fluffy, which always makes me smile. With a lot more free time on my hands, Luppolo is perfect at 5 percent ABV because I need to treat each day like a marathon, not a sprint. It’s my safety beer even when the world isn’t turned upside down.” — Jen Wyllie, Director of Marketing and Events, Austin Street Brewery, Portland, Me.

“Jarl by Scotland’s Fyne Ales is a session blonde ale hopped with Citra that you can drink throughout the afternoon and well into the evening. However, don’t be fooled by it’s low 3.8 percent ABV; Jarl is packed full of citrus flavors and a really clean, refreshing finish. And what has elevated it into my top lockdown tipple is its availability in 5-liter mini-casks, meaning you can pour yourself a full pint (remember them?) within the comfort of your own home! Which, if you’re like me and you’re missing pubs and well-kept cask beer, this really will provide you with some comfort.” — Harriet Edgar, Brand Development, 71 Brewing, Dundee, Scotland

“You would think that drinking during quarantine would mean a beer you can crush throughout the day, but I’m a hophead at heart. My usual go-to is a clean, crisp, refreshing West Coast IPA. Yet during this lockdown, my faith in hazy IPAs has been restored with Equilibrium’s scientific approach to the fundamental process of brewing. Its dHop series, for example, is a perfect display of how hops can change a beer, and I feel it keeps redefining the New England style with each release. Right now, I’m drinking a collaboration with Arkane Aleworks: For Every Action Is A Reaction. This triple IPA is bursting with tropical mango, papaya, and guava hop flavors, complemented by a creamy, pillowy, soft mouthfeel that keeps me coming back for more.” — Kyle MacDonald, Head Brewer, Inu Island Ales, Kaneohe, Hawaii

“Sierra Nevada and Bitburger’s collaboration, Triple Hop’d Lager. It’s perfectly balanced and endlessly drinkable with an incredible hop profile that lets you know you’re drinking a German beer. But it still flashes with a lot of Sierra Nevada character. Pilsner or hoppy lager has been a mainstay for me lately, and I think that’s just reflective of my current state of mind: trying to stay simple and balanced, but kinda freaking out too!” — Brett Smith, Founder and Head Brewer, Branch & Bone Artisan Ales, Dayton, Ohio

“That’s a super-easy one for me to answer: NYS Pils from Big aLICe in Queens [New York]. It’s super crisp and clean, soft and delicate; everything you would want from a pilsner. It’s a beer we love to drink and share with friends around a fire, which I am so looking forward to doing again!” — Liz DeSousa, Co-owner, Kismet Brewing Company, Westfield, Mass.

“Things are getting kind of crazy out there, and drinking Temporal Artisan Ales’ Ruby Continuum is a great distraction from the stress and pressures of our current environment. Ruby is a heavily fruited, oak-aged wild ale with raspberries and tayberries. The beer is a blend from wine and port barrels, giving it a layered complexity that takes my mind away from the here and now. It’s jammy. It’s bright. It’s tart. It’s what I want to drink right now.” — Kent Courtice, Founder and Brewer, Boombox Brewing Company, Vancouver, B.C., Canada

“Hitchhiker’s Bane of Existence hazy IPA has been my go-to comfort beer during this quarantine, which, as an extrovert, has been the bane of my existence, though I know it is 100 percent necessary. Brewed with flaked wheat and oats, and liberally hopped with Simcoe and Citra, Bane has an approachable hop bitterness and medium-full mouthfeel. Top notes of candied tangerine, mango, and passion fruit are supported by a resinous fresh-pine undertone, with citrus pith carrying through the finish. At 6.6 percent ABV, it’s quaffable and explains why I just finished the last of my stash. Hitchhiker was the last brewery I visited before the world shutdown, so I’m holding on tightly to those memories of sitting in its Sharpsburg taproom with some of my dearest friends, laughing, and being able to actually clink glasses in person instead of over Zoom.” — Hannah Gohde, Brewer, Free Will Brewing Company, Perkasie, Penn.

“The Lost Abbey’s Angel Share that I drank out of my cellar. The bourbon-barrel-aged version. I believe a 2009, when it was still in the 750-milliliter bottle. One of my favorite barleywines of all time. The dark fruit and bourbon characteristics that come across are amazing. Lost Abbey nailed that beer, in my opinion.” — Johnathan Wakefield, Owner and Head Brewer, J. Wakefield Brewing, Miami

“I’ve been drinking a ton of Silver City’s Ride the Spiral. I love Silver City for a ton of reasons, but it’s really heartwarming because my husband and I sat at their bar while we decided to buy our house in Bremerton, Wash., where we’re currently quarantined at. The beer is strong, sweet, and pretty tropical so it makes going on hikes in the woods behind my house a joy and is usually the only thing that gets me back!” — Sarah Flora, Owner, Flora Brewing, Los Angeles

“I’ve been trying to keep the drinking light during these times, so I‘ve been leaning toward lagers. Indoctrination is a great collaboration from Threes [Brewing of Brooklyn] and Hudson Valley [Brewery in Beacon, N.Y.]. This hopped-up pilsner is crispy AF and has a great body, created by aging in foudres. Also, it uses the super-fun Zuper Saazer hop. I’ve been drinking this one on my stoop daily. Cheers to everyone, stay home and stay safe.” — Geriz Rameriz, General Manager, Other Half Brewing, Brooklyn

“It’s hard not to go drink Triple Hop’d Lager with friends because it seems that’s what it’s made for. Consistency and creativity from two amazing breweries such as Sierra Nevada and Bitburger is what makes this a comforting beer to me during this dreary time. It’s crisp, clean, and perfect for porch sittin’.” — Matt Denham, Head of Brewing Operations, American Solera, Tulsa, Okla.

“Honestly, I wasn’t very excited to celebrate my 30th birthday in the thick of a pandemic, but I was able to hang with some of my best friends, one of whom was gracious enough to open a bottle of Side Project’s coveted stout, Beer: Barrel: Time. To describe it, think bourbon dark chocolate cake batter; silky and full of caramel, while having a touch of roasty bitterness, reminiscent of coffee. It was just a small gathering outside on a patio, but it was relieving to drink beer with a few of my closest friends during these strange times.” — Cameron Owen, Brewer, The Eighth State Brewing Company, Greenville, S.C.

The article We Asked 15 Brewers: What’s the Most Comforting Beer You’ve Had in Quarantine? appeared first on VinePair.

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[myintrodivazmedia]

How to Prepare for a Vocal Audition

Audition preparation is a tricky thing. It seems like all the preparation should take place in the few weeks leading up to the audition, right? Let’s check to How to Prepare for a Vocal Audition.

That isn’t always the case, and if you are intending to make performing a big part of your life, preparing for auditions is also going to be a big part of that.

When your voice isn’t cooperating, nothing else matters!

Professional voice over artists know that there are certain things they need to do in advance of a performance. Not only are these tips essential for performing but they are also great to ensure you’re delivering your best audition possible.

Here are 6 ways you can prepare for a great vocal performance:

Have a Good Night’s Sleep:

Make sure that you get a solid, undisturbed night’s sleep before you have a recording session or performance. Your body needs time to recharge. While you might think sleep is overrated, think again.

According to science (and experience), the hours slept before midnight add extra oomph to the quality of your sleep.

Even celebrities know you’re only at your best when you’ve invested time and energy into strategic slumber. It is recommended that you remove obstacles to sleep like screens and cellular phones from your bedroom.

If you rely on your mobile device to wake you up in the morning,replace it with a battery-powered alarm clock. Make sure your bedroom is also dark enough – it’s never a bad idea to invest in blackout curtains.

Get Hydrated and Stay Hydrated:

You’ve probably heard that singers, actors and public speakers need to keep their voice hydrated, but what does that actually mean?Just bringing a bottle of water on set or to a session is not going to cut it.

For your vocal folds (also called vocal cords) to be performance-ready, you need to have been drinking a decent amount of water at least one hour in advance of using your voice.

To understand why this works, think about how marinating translates into more tender meat. When you take time to marinate before cooking, the end result is that meat becomes tender and more enjoyable to consume.

Water is to your voice as the marinade is to meat.

By drinking a cup of water at least one hour before you need to use your instrument, you’ve taken steps to optimize your vocal folds. When fully hydrated, your vocal folds become more elastic.

Hydrated vocal folds allow you to do more with your instrument because they are pliable and ready to respond.

Watch What You Eat (and Drink):

Dietary considerations are important. There are foods and beverages that either help or hinder your ability to have a good, clean vocal performance.

Some foods, like dairy, can set the stage for mouth noises you had not anticipated. Many voice artists point to dairy as something they believe impedes their ability to voice as well or as easily.

You might not think that having a glass of milk or a bar of chocolate before a session is harmful, but just think of all that extra mucus your body will create.

Spicy foods may create their own challenges, be they acid reflux or flatulence (not great in any case when you’re center stage or behind the mic). While we’re at it, we may as well add carbonated beverages to the list.

Many voice actors also stay away from drying beverages or diuretics like coffee, tea or alcohol in advance of a performance — both because they dry your vocal cords and result in more trips to the bathroom.

Lastly, on this topic, maintaining good oral hygiene is the best practice among voice artists. Brushing your teeth is a given, but have you considered the benefits of flossing? Anything that is stuck between your teeth is a candidate for creating excess saliva.

Protect and Pamper Your Voice:

Just as a parent looks out for and meets the needs of his or her small child, you should be pampering your voice and protecting it from the various dangers in your immediate environment.

Remove yourself from situations that you know irritate your voice or make it difficult for you to maintain good vocal health.Many voice actors avoid strong scents, may ‘fake cheer’ (open their mouths to cheer but not actually yell) during sporting events or even skip spicy foods, especially if they have acid reflux.

You know your body and your voice better than anyone, so you know what these ‘hazardous’ things are and the steps you can take to baby your voice.

Something else you can do to protect your voice is minimize its use.

Opera singers, for instance, may go an entire day without speaking in advance of a performance. While you might not be using your voice as intensely as Renée Fleming or Roberto Alagna, vocal rest is a definite must for anyone who relies on their voice as part of their profession. This goes without saying, but yelling is never a good idea when trying to save your voice.

Whispering puts stress on your vocal folds because whispering in the classic sense (not stage whispering) doesn’t allow for the vocal folds to vibrate. The folds need to come together to create resonance. When you whisper, those folds are tight and strained, unable to meet in a way that creates a healthy, resonant sound.

Warm Up Well:

Your voice is kind of like a car. In order for the engine to purr, you need to give it time to warm up. Once your vocal folds are sufficiently hydrated, warming up your voice is so much easier. It’s supple and moves more freely during your vocal warm up.

And on that note, your voice needs to start slow. Humming is a great go-to for easing in your instrument. When you are humming, be sure that your jaw is loose and your teeth are separated to create more room for resonance.

You can also try yawn-sighs that take your voice from the top of its range all the way to a growl in the depths of your lower register.

Remember, as a voice artist, your instrument is your entire body. That means all of you! From your head to your toes. Roll out your shoulders to release tension, perform breathing exercises and ensure you attain proper posture to help you prepare.

Physical tension can live anywhere though, so if you hold tension in a certain place (it your neck, in your fingers, clenched toes, etc.), aware of it and find ways to release it.

Because language is central to a voice artist’s performance, you also need to think about other parts of your body that should be warmed up like your resonators and articulators.

Tongue twisters, facial exercises and sung scales are good for any voice artist, whether the performance is for spoken word or belting on a Broadway stage. The tongue in particular needs to loosen up so that you don’t trip on your words. A good vocal warm up should explore all aspects of phonation.

The sillier you look when you warm up, the better your warm up will be. Try standing in front of a mirror and don’t be afraid to look foolish!

Right Before Your Session:

You can do all of the above and still fall prey to unexpected vocal pitfalls. Here’s a strategic plan to preserve your voice starting 1 hour before your performance.

Be awake at least one hour before you need to use your voice. This will give you time to properly hydrate, as well as go through with any dietary choices you have made in advance of a performance.

Drink a glass of water one hour before you need to perform. Remember, the water will only take effect one hour after it has been consumed. Expecting water to work in the moment only sets you up for disappointment.

Protect your instrument from the elements. This may come in the form of cold weather, cigarette smoke, or seasonal allergens that affect your sinuses (which can affect the way your voice sounds) and more. Take appropriate measures to protect your voice.

If you live in a region where you experience cold temperatures or endure high elevations, wearing a cotton scarf or tightly knit neck warmer that covers your mouth (and possibly your nose) will provide somewhat of a barrier between your instrument and the air you’re breathing.

There’s nothing worse than preparing to perform and letting something like a blast of cold air, dry air, smoke from a wildfire, the exhaust from a vehicle or secondhand smoke mess with you doing your best.

[slayeroftears]

Analyzing RWBY Chibi, because I have nothing better to do

So my younger brother and I decided to sit down one day and rewatch all of RWBY Chibi, in order to really look at it and see which jokes and segments work, and which ones don’t. There won’t be an extremely huge amount of detail put into it, just us saying what was funny and what wasn’t, with some suggestions on what would have worked. I’ll eventually go into extreme detail at a later date.

AND YES, WE BOTH DO UNDERSTAND THAT HUMOR IS SUBJECTIVE AND BASED OFF THE VIEWER.

RWBY Chibi Episode 1

Baking skit: Funny when Ruby cracks the egg, and when the glass hits her.

Pin the tail skit: Not that funny.

Yang vs Weiss skit: Meh.

Smut book skit: Ruby being a perv is funny. The Katana line? OVERDONE AND BORING.

RWBY Chibi Episode 2

Cat burglar skit: Would have been better if it stopped after Blake ran out of the room after stealing the remote, leaving the three to look at each other and then the camera.

Pool Skit: Should have ended it after Yang speaks up. Leave out the "Yep".

Jump rope Skit: Jaune’s lines were amusing.

Ball of Yarn skit: Not really funny.

Zwei skit: Predictable.

RWBY Chibi Episode 3

Jaune phone skits: Dragged on and just weren't funny.

Ammo skit: Ehhh, worth a giggle, but not really funny.

Tag skit: Somewhat amusing.

Final Jaune phone skit: Should have ended it after Blake found Weiss’ scroll. Leave it to the viewer’s imagination on what happened afterwards.

RWBY Chibi Episode 4

Game skit: Funny if you've been in that situation.

Ice sculpting skit: Meh

Box skit: Yang should have glared at the camera, then it would have been funny.

Yangry skit: Meh

RWBY Chibi Episode 5

Outfit party skit: Eh

Card tower skit: Eye twitch makes it work, as does the relative silence.

Kitchen skit: Ruby should have walked by with deadpan expression instead of stopping.

Slap fight: Unfunny. Only Weiss' flat "What" is snicker worthy.

Shadow people skit: Just not funny. Dragged on too long and felt forced.

RWBY Chibi Episode 6

Vacuum skit: Meh.

Cape skit: Only funny part was Jaune walking across Ruby's cape and her saying "Dude".

Book skit: Works because it builds up to the joke and isn't dwelt on.

Fourth wall skit: *Pukes*

RWBY Chibi Episode 7

Prank skit: Should have ended it with "Now THAT'S ice water." with emphasis on the word that.

Arcade skit: It's OK.

Jaune weapons skit: Ehhhh.

RWBY Chibi Episode 8

Pickle skit: Entertaining due to being relatable, but not too funny.

Workout skit: Nora ballooning up is amusing. Should have made Yang just fall over instead of getting angry.

Pyrrha skits: Some work more than others. Compass one worked best.

Elevator skit: Where's the punchline?

RWBY Chibi Episode 9

Studying skit: Meh.

Tag skit: Went on too long. Nora knocking him flat out was amusing though.

RWBY Chibi Episode 10

Notice me skit: Pyrrha's adorable.

Painting skit: Weiss' final reaction was the only good part. (Meme worthy though)

Hair skit: Amusing only for the shippers.

RWBY Chibi Episode 11

Pancake skit: Goes on too long, and just isn't funny.

ASMR skit: Not that funny.

Sick skit: No real punchline.

RWBY Chibi Episode 12

Junior Detectives skit: Not too funny, though Jaune's line "You're talking to me. Never thought I'd see the day" WAS amusing.

Theater skit: Only funny part was Ruby's line about putting grandma in a home, and Blake's deadpan delivery of her lines.

RWBY Chibi Episode 13

Bottle skit: Subjective, based on humor.

Blake & Zwei skit: Meh.

Nora's workout skit: Funny. Samantha KILLS it with her delivery of Nora. Should have ended it after Jaune said "Try living with her" though, instead of adding Nora's last line.

RWBY Chibi Episode 14

Zwei snuggles skit: Meh. Only funny line was "I will shave your butt."

Vacation skit: Meh.

Junior Detectives skit 2: Just like before, it drags on too long, and isn’t that funny. Should have ended it after Neptune shouts about dance class and Sun stops.

RWBY Chibi Episode 15

Chopper skit: Should have ended it with Yang saying "Off. Now."

Hydrophobia skit: Drags on for WAY TOO LONG. ESPECIALLY the Jaune drowning bit.

Secret admirer skit: Subjective, based on humor.

RWBY Chibi Episode 16

Racing skit: Should have ended it at "What and how?!" to make it funnier.

Puns skit: Should have just had Yang telling bad puns, have her ask if the mic's on, and it ending with Sun yelling "UNFORTUNATELY".

Side-character skit: Just not funny. Too forced.

RWBY Chibi Episode 17

Bathroom skit: Funny because it's relatable, but mostly due to Mile's delivery as Jaune.

Grimm skit: Not that funny. Nora trying to drag the Beowolf was amusing though.

Junior Detectives skit 3: Not funny, goes on too long.

RWBY Chibi Episode 18

Pickle skit 2: Missed opportunity. Should have had Ruby rib on Sun for not being able to open it after he said "Let me show you how a REAL man handles this." In fact, the whole skit should have been a nod to Lindsay and Michael being husband and wife.

Evil plans skit: Cinder's voice doesn't fit her facial expressions and body language. Also the skit wasn't that funny. Except for Emerald getting hit on the head. Slapstick is always funny (for the most part anyways).

Cake skit: Goes on too long, and it's just not funny. Except for when Ruby hits Weiss in the head with the fire extinguisher. Again, slapstick is funny. People getting hurt in the show is funny.

RWBY Chibi Episode 19

Zwei skit: Just not funny.

Pillow fight skit: Had potential, if it was pure slapstick. Ren throwing a book at Sun? Hilarious (though him saying "my brainbox" wasn't). The ACTUAL pillow fights? Not funny. (Also the skit went on too long)

RWBY Chibi Episode 20

Shadow clone skit: The punchline isn't that funny or satisfying.

Dog problems skit: Subjective, based on humor (and if you own a pet).

Roman skit: Obvious references and 4th wall breaking just aren't funny. Neo's first sign and expression was amusing though.

RWBY Chibi Episode 21

All skits subjective, based on humor. ESPECIALLY considering they were based off fans’ comics.

RWBY Chibi Episode 22

Compost king skit: Nora hitting Ren with her hammer? Funny. Ren's line of "I was fine before all the head trauma"? Hilarious. Nora saying "Tell me, tell me, tell me! So I can CRUSH YOU ALL!"? Side-splitting. The actual skit? Ehhhhhh.

Metal legs skit: Funny. No dialogue, and it's a scene that would be funny to see happen in the actual show. Also the tear drop was great.

Lava floor skit: Funny. Ends quietly, and Gray is fantastic.

RWBY Chibi Episode 23

Crime sense skit: Goes on too long, and isn't funny.

Dance skit: Subjective, based on humor (I found it funny).

Acid trip (Nora’s Cofee) skit: Goes on for too long. Should have ended it with Nora having a seizure on the ground, instead of whatever it is that happens.

RWBY Chibi Episode 24

(Just because it's satire doesn't mean it's exempt from criticism)

Peeping Girls skit: Actually kind of funny, if not for the laugh track and it continuing after Yang sees Port.

Pyrrha cereal skit: Adorable, but not funny.

Neo's Neo skit: Ehhhhh.

Final skit: The bit with Sun and Blake was actually amusing, to an extent. Missed an opportunity to have Yang say "You win some, you lose Sun." The rest, however, was actually cringe worthy.

[isaiahrippinus]

We Asked 15 Brewers: What’s the Most Comforting Beer You’ve Had in Quarantine?

As the coronavirus pandemic continues, and bars and brewery taprooms remain closed for on-site consumption as part of concerted efforts to suppress the infection’s spread, you’re likely drinking more than usual at home.

A few weeks ago, we looked at the growing trend of beer enthusiasts digging into their cherished collections and opening special bottles during quarantine. But in these uncertain times, it turns out that many of us — including brewers — are reaching for what’s easy, as well as what comforts us in these uncertain times.

While social distancing, we spoke to 15 brewers about what they’ve been drinking while sheltering in place. It turns out, they’re reaching for everything from bourbon-barrel-aged barleywines to triple-hopped lagers — and yes, hazy IPAs.

“It’s a simple answer: Sante Adarius’ Amongst Friends, a barrel-aged, mixed-fermentation beer with cherries. Featuring soft, subtle acidity, which is rare amongst cherry mixed-ferm beers, this wasn’t bracing in any way. And it was gone from my glass too soon, just like times spent with close friends, cooking up tacos or pizza when general revelry was involved. A beer I wish I had been able to share amongst more friends, but look forward to in the future.” — Zac Ross, Owner and Brewer, Marlowe Artisanal Ales, New Haven, Conn.

“The most comforting beer I’ve had during quarantine is easily the All Together IPA, a worldwide collaboration spearheaded by Other Half that’s supporting hospitality professionals. Since I’ve been self-isolating down in Miami the past month, I picked up the version brewed by Tripping Animals, and wow, did this beer have me missing Brooklyn more than ever. It immediately reminded me of riding the G train all the way to the Smith & 9th Streets stop, and taking a routine photo of the Manhattan skyline before taking the short walk over to Other Half. I’m looking forward to the day that I can get back to the city, but until then I‘ll bide my time in Florida and watch people make bread.” — Kyle Gonzales, NYC Field Marketing, Brooklyn Brewery, Brooklyn

“I’m drinking some funk right now, because that’s what we like and focus on. We had a couple of collaborations that we had to shelve the first week of shutdown in Minnesota. One of those collaborations was with Branch & Bone Artisan Ales. A few weeks prior, their team sent us their house yeast culture along with a few of their bottles. One was Silence Mill, a gin-barrel-aged, mixed-fermentation saison with local honey. I had this beer in Chicago at FOBAB, where it medaled, and then had one last night after a long day of delivering beer, doing what we can to keep the doors open. The beer reminded me of simpler and less chaotic times.” — Jason Sandquist, Co-founder, Wild Mind Artisan Ales, Minneapolis

“I’ve had a love affair with Oxbow’s Italian-style pilsner Luppolo since my first sip, and it’s everything I want in a beer: crisp, citrusy, floral, malty, and dry AF. The head’s incredibly pillowy and fluffy, which always makes me smile. With a lot more free time on my hands, Luppolo is perfect at 5 percent ABV because I need to treat each day like a marathon, not a sprint. It’s my safety beer even when the world isn’t turned upside down.” — Jen Wyllie, Director of Marketing and Events, Austin Street Brewery, Portland, Me.

“Jarl by Scotland’s Fyne Ales is a session blonde ale hopped with Citra that you can drink throughout the afternoon and well into the evening. However, don’t be fooled by it’s low 3.8 percent ABV; Jarl is packed full of citrus flavors and a really clean, refreshing finish. And what has elevated it into my top lockdown tipple is its availability in 5-liter mini-casks, meaning you can pour yourself a full pint (remember them?) within the comfort of your own home! Which, if you’re like me and you’re missing pubs and well-kept cask beer, this really will provide you with some comfort.” — Harriet Edgar, Brand Development, 71 Brewing, Dundee, Scotland

“You would think that drinking during quarantine would mean a beer you can crush throughout the day, but I’m a hophead at heart. My usual go-to is a clean, crisp, refreshing West Coast IPA. Yet during this lockdown, my faith in hazy IPAs has been restored with Equilibrium’s scientific approach to the fundamental process of brewing. Its dHop series, for example, is a perfect display of how hops can change a beer, and I feel it keeps redefining the New England style with each release. Right now, I’m drinking a collaboration with Arkane Aleworks: For Every Action Is A Reaction. This triple IPA is bursting with tropical mango, papaya, and guava hop flavors, complemented by a creamy, pillowy, soft mouthfeel that keeps me coming back for more.” — Kyle MacDonald, Head Brewer, Inu Island Ales, Kaneohe, Hawaii

“Sierra Nevada and Bitburger’s collaboration, Triple Hop’d Lager. It’s perfectly balanced and endlessly drinkable with an incredible hop profile that lets you know you’re drinking a German beer. But it still flashes with a lot of Sierra Nevada character. Pilsner or hoppy lager has been a mainstay for me lately, and I think that’s just reflective of my current state of mind: trying to stay simple and balanced, but kinda freaking out too!” — Brett Smith, Founder and Head Brewer, Branch & Bone Artisan Ales, Dayton, Ohio

“That’s a super-easy one for me to answer: NYS Pils from Big aLICe in Queens [New York]. It’s super crisp and clean, soft and delicate; everything you would want from a pilsner. It’s a beer we love to drink and share with friends around a fire, which I am so looking forward to doing again!” — Liz DeSousa, Co-owner, Kismet Brewing Company, Westfield, Mass.

“Things are getting kind of crazy out there, and drinking Temporal Artisan Ales’ Ruby Continuum is a great distraction from the stress and pressures of our current environment. Ruby is a heavily fruited, oak-aged wild ale with raspberries and tayberries. The beer is a blend from wine and port barrels, giving it a layered complexity that takes my mind away from the here and now. It’s jammy. It’s bright. It’s tart. It’s what I want to drink right now.” — Kent Courtice, Founder and Brewer, Boombox Brewing Company, Vancouver, B.C., Canada

“Hitchhiker’s Bane of Existence hazy IPA has been my go-to comfort beer during this quarantine, which, as an extrovert, has been the bane of my existence, though I know it is 100 percent necessary. Brewed with flaked wheat and oats, and liberally hopped with Simcoe and Citra, Bane has an approachable hop bitterness and medium-full mouthfeel. Top notes of candied tangerine, mango, and passion fruit are supported by a resinous fresh-pine undertone, with citrus pith carrying through the finish. At 6.6 percent ABV, it’s quaffable and explains why I just finished the last of my stash. Hitchhiker was the last brewery I visited before the world shutdown, so I’m holding on tightly to those memories of sitting in its Sharpsburg taproom with some of my dearest friends, laughing, and being able to actually clink glasses in person instead of over Zoom.” — Hannah Gohde, Brewer, Free Will Brewing Company, Perkasie, Penn.

“The Lost Abbey’s Angel Share that I drank out of my cellar. The bourbon-barrel-aged version. I believe a 2009, when it was still in the 750-milliliter bottle. One of my favorite barleywines of all time. The dark fruit and bourbon characteristics that come across are amazing. Lost Abbey nailed that beer, in my opinion.” — Johnathan Wakefield, Owner and Head Brewer, J. Wakefield Brewing, Miami

“I’ve been drinking a ton of Silver City’s Ride the Spiral. I love Silver City for a ton of reasons, but it’s really heartwarming because my husband and I sat at their bar while we decided to buy our house in Bremerton, Wash., where we’re currently quarantined at. The beer is strong, sweet, and pretty tropical so it makes going on hikes in the woods behind my house a joy and is usually the only thing that gets me back!” — Sarah Flora, Owner, Flora Brewing, Los Angeles

“I’ve been trying to keep the drinking light during these times, so I‘ve been leaning toward lagers. Indoctrination is a great collaboration from Threes [Brewing of Brooklyn] and Hudson Valley [Brewery in Beacon, N.Y.]. This hopped-up pilsner is crispy AF and has a great body, created by aging in foudres. Also, it uses the super-fun Zuper Saazer hop. I’ve been drinking this one on my stoop daily. Cheers to everyone, stay home and stay safe.” — Geriz Rameriz, General Manager, Other Half Brewing, Brooklyn

“It’s hard not to go drink Triple Hop’d Lager with friends because it seems that’s what it’s made for. Consistency and creativity from two amazing breweries such as Sierra Nevada and Bitburger is what makes this a comforting beer to me during this dreary time. It’s crisp, clean, and perfect for porch sittin’.” — Matt Denham, Head of Brewing Operations, American Solera, Tulsa, Okla.

“Honestly, I wasn’t very excited to celebrate my 30th birthday in the thick of a pandemic, but I was able to hang with some of my best friends, one of whom was gracious enough to open a bottle of Side Project’s coveted stout, Beer: Barrel: Time. To describe it, think bourbon dark chocolate cake batter; silky and full of caramel, while having a touch of roasty bitterness, reminiscent of coffee. It was just a small gathering outside on a patio, but it was relieving to drink beer with a few of my closest friends during these strange times.” — Cameron Owen, Brewer, The Eighth State Brewing Company, Greenville, S.C.

The article We Asked 15 Brewers: What’s the Most Comforting Beer You’ve Had in Quarantine? appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/15-comforting-beers-quarantine/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/617552307896369152

[biofunmy]

Other Visitors Report Falling Ill At Dominican Republic Resort Where 3 Americans Died

Supplied

Susie Lauterborn and her husband, Doug Hand, vacationing at the resort before falling ill.

Three more people have told BuzzFeed News they became ill at the same Dominican Republic resort where three visitors recently died.

Edward Nathaniel Holmes and Cynthia Ann Day of Maryland were found dead in their room at the Grand Bahia Principe La Romana hotel on May 30, with police saying they died of respiratory failure and pulmonary edema, or fluid in the lungs.

Five days earlier, another tourist, Miranda Schaup-Werner, collapsed and died at the resort’s adjacent hotel, the Luxury Bahia Principe Bouganville. Local authorities determined that Schaup-Werner died from a heart attack, according to the resort.

In a statement Wednesday, the resort chain that owns the two hotels, Bahia Principe, said it had found “no indications of any correlation between these two unfortunate events.”

Robin Bernstein, the US ambassador to the Dominican Republic, told Univision that considering 2.7 million Americans visit the island nation each year, the deaths are “very punctual and unique.”

“They come to visit the beautiful beaches and enjoy the great culture,” Bernstein said. “Unfortunately, sometimes those things happen to people.”

But three other people who have stayed at the resort — one as recently as just over a month ago — told BuzzFeed News they feel very lucky to be alive after suffering severe and mysterious health crises there.

Susie Lauterborn, 38, and her husband, Doug Hand, 40, took a trip to the Grand Bahia Principe in January 2018. But the Philadelphia couple’s island getaway quickly turned into a “nightmare,” Lauterborn told BuzzFeed News.

Within a day of arriving, she began experiencing severe nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, body aches, fatigue, chills, and cold sweats. A bright-red rash covered her entire body, and she ran a fever above 100 degrees.

Provided by Susie Lauterborn

“The stabbing pain in my stomach was unlike anything I’ve experienced before,” Lauterborn said. “And I’ve had an intestinal infection previously in my life and had to go to the hospital for that. This was worse than that.”

She went to the hotel medical center, where a staff member prescribed over-the-counter pain and nausea medications before sending her on her way.

“They literally told me I’d partied too much … but we don’t even party,” she said.

Lauterborn said that the previous night, she’d had just two alcoholic drinks. Her husband does not drink. But a couple of days into the trip, Hand also became sick with similar, though less severe, symptoms. The couple wanted to leave early, but it would have cost too much money, they said.

Provided by Susie Lauterborn

The prescription Lauterborn got from the hotel medical staff.

“We didn’t leave the room for a couple days, and contemplated heading home early, but changing our flights was painfully expensive, so we waited it out,” Hand told BuzzFeed News.

The food and drinks at the resort all tasted not quite right, Lauterborn said.

“Everything there was weirdly, bizarrely off,” she said. “The food all tasted off, the drinks all tasted off, to the point where I was like, ‘I’m not even going to drink a glass of wine because it just tastes off.'”

She and her husband, who are vegetarians, wound up sticking mostly to bread and water during the trip.

“I can’t even explain — we ate pasta one night, and it was so bad I couldn’t finish it,” she said. “It tasted acidic, like battery acid.”

Hand also remembered the air conditioner in their room smelling of mildew.

“I thought it could be the AC [making us sick] because it had a strange, dirty smell,” Hand said.

Both of them remained sick for the entire trip and for several days after they returned home. They did not seek medical attention at home because “it takes a lot for either of us to go to a doctor,” and their health improved on its own.

Provided by Susie Lauterborn

Lauterborn’s Instagram story celebrating their arrival home.

“I remember thinking I should go once I was home and still sick about three to four days later, but then I guess we both started to feel better eventually,” she said. “It was silly to not go.”

Afterward, the couple complained to Apple Vacations, the travel agency through which they booked the trip.

They didn’t hear back for three months, and when they finally did, they were denied a refund and instead given $100 each in Apple Vacations vouchers.

The resort is also still being advertised on the travel agency’s site.

“In this case, we have been in regular contact with management of the Bahia Principe hotels about its protocols and procedures, as well any findings from the investigations, one of which is still ongoing,” an Apple Vacations spokesperson said. “Any decision regarding a change in our relationship with the hotels will not be made until all investigations are complete.”

After recently seeing news that a couple had mysteriously died at the same hotel, Lauterborn said she was shocked, frightened, and grateful to be alive.

“I truly believe that the only reason we weren’t sicker or didn’t have the same outcome that these poor people had is probably because we were a bit younger and healthier,” she said.

Now she wants the resort and the travel agency that’s advertising it to fully investigate before anyone else gets sick or dies.

“You can sell a $600 four-day vacation in quote-unquote ‘paradise’ all day … but then you get there and have a nightmare vacation and no one’s doing anything about it,” she said.

Provided by Myroslav Sparavalo

Myroslav Sparavalo, a 58-year-old in New York, also said he had a medical scare just over a month ago at the Luxury Bahia Principe Bouganville.

Three days into the trip with his wife, he began feeling unwell at dinner. Hours later, he experienced hypertensive crisis, or a severely high increase in blood pressure, which can lead to a stroke.

His blood pressure medication, which he takes regularly, did not help, even when he took double the usual dosage.

Early the next morning, he visited the hotel medical staff, who immediately told him to go to the hospital. Paramedics took him to the hospital in Santo Domingo, where he remained in intensive care for 24 hours.

There, a doctor noted he had “noisy lungs,” typical of a smoker, even though Sparavalo does not smoke. The doctor also noted that he had fluid in his lungs.

“Today my wife told me the news about the official investigation of [Holmes’ and Day’s] deaths. It was pulmonary edema,” he said. “The news sent a shiver down my spine.”

Sparavalo was released from the hospital and returned to the resort. But every morning, his blood pressure would be elevated.

“I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do,” he said.

He isn’t sure whether his worrying over his condition worsened it, but within three days of his return to New York, his blood pressure returned to healthy levels.

“Looks like I was very lucky to survive,” he said. “It’s me who could be dead, not just them.”

Supplied

The Grand Bahia Principe La Romana.

A spokesperson for Bahia Principe did not immediately respond to requests for comment about the stories of additional illnesses. But a representative who answered the resort’s corporate line said people are “making a fuss about this.”

And in a statement Friday, Bahia Principe criticized the “dissemination of false information issued publicly, which threatens the image and reputation of the company,” although the resort did not specify what reporting it had deemed false. (Some news outlets, including BuzzFeed News, initially incorrectly reported that the deaths occurred at the same hotel, rather than two hotels on the same resort grounds.)

“The safety and comfort of our guests and staff stand at the core of our company values and we work daily to ensure it,” the resort added.

Sahred From Source link World News

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[weditchthemap]

Planning a Wine Tasting Trip To Mendoza’s Wine Region: Maipu, Lujan de Cuyo, and Valle de Uco

The Wine Capital of Argentina

Located in the foothills of the Andes Mountains, the province of Mendoza is famous for wine, particularly malbec. Wine production spurred by Italian immigrants has flourished in Mendoza thanks to its long sunny days, unique soil composition and high elevation. Three regions make up the majority of Mendoza’s grape growing area: Maipu, Lujan de Cuyo, and Valle de Uco. Touring wineries, or bodegas, and tasting wine is Mendoza is popular among wine connoisseurs and backpackers alike. An added bonus is that here, at the source, wine is very affordable. Needless to say, we tried our fair share!

Maipu

The city of Mendoza makes a great base for a day trip to the small vineyard-filled region of Maipu, only 9 miles (14km) away. To get to Maipu you can take a taxi or uber, rent a car, organize a trip through one of the many agencies in town, or use public transit. Maipu is 45 minutes away by public bus. To catch the bus from Mendoza’s city center go the Rioja 1150 bus stop and take bus 920, 816, or 817.

Biking Around the Wineries

Maipu’s 5-mile (8km) stretch of wineries is easily explored by bike. Maipu Bikes, right on the main strip, rents bikes for about $9/day (350 ARS). Maipu’s main road is equipped with bike lanes and the side streets are quaint country roads filled with views of trellised grape vines. Click here to view the bike map. If biking, remember to bring water to off set the sun and alcohol. Return your bike by 5pm to catch happy hour at the bike shop with free wine and empanadas. 

What to Do

While there are many vineyards to choose from and some tourists may feel the need to maximize, we’ve found that visiting 3 to 4 makes for a nice full day that isn’t overly ambitious, the idea is to enjoy, after all! You truly can’t go wrong with any winery you choose, though they are different and range from small and quaint to large scale production. The wineries typically offer a few tours each day in Spanish or English. You can opt for a tour and tasting or just a tasting. Tours take about an hour and tastings can be short or leisurely depending on your style. Bodega Trapiche requires a reservation in advance for a tour, but the owner of Maipu Bikes can reserve you a spot the morning of. In Maipu we visited Bodega La Rural, Bodega Domiciano and Bodega Trapiche.

Lujan de Cuyo

Lujan de Cuyo is perhaps Mendoza’s most recognized wine growing region. Located 12 miles (19km) south of the city of Mendoza, Lujan de Cuyo has a smaller urban presence but plentiful fincas and wineries. The grapes here grow at an average elevation of 3,000 feet (914m) above sea level. In Lujan de Cuyo you’ll find three types of wineries; the old original wineries that now produce on a large scale, small mom and pop bodegas, and chic modern wineries as a result of foreign investors. Wineries here fall in a larger radius so they are best explored by taxi, car, or organized tour.

What to Do

Some places to include on your itinerary are Bodega Familia Cassone, Bodega Alta Vista, and Bodega Lagarde. At Bodega Familia Cassone you can take an intimate tour of the grounds where the grape vines are over 100 years old. You can also chat with the amicable owner while sipping wine and sampling olive oil. At Bodega Alta Vista sit outside in the shade of their olive trees for a picnic lunch.

What’s truly not to miss is the elegant 4-6 course lunch and wine pairing at Bodega Lagarde. You can spend a relaxed afternoon savoring the expertly paired courses while sitting in the shady courtyard beside grape vines. The entire meal, from homemade bread to delicate dessert is perfection. The service and food is impeccable and they attentively ensure that your wine glass is never empty!

Where to Stay

If you want to locate yourself central to all of Lujan de Cuyo’s vineyards, check out Lujan de Cuyo B&B. This charming B&B is a green oasis with tranquil grounds and swimming pool. There are spacious rooms the brick buildings lend a country-rustic flair. The owner is passionate about the area and takes pride in helping guests plan out their ideal itinerary, whether that be hiking, sight seeing, or wine tasting.

Valle de Uco

Valle de Uco is Mendoza’s largest and most scenic wine region. Here the mountains provide a scenic backdrop to fields of grape vines. Valle de Uco is the furthest wine region from the city of Mendoza, about an hour drive away. It’s closest to the Andes and the combination of sunshine and high elevation leads to perfectly balanced sugar and acidity content resulting in dynamic and refined wine. Some of the most noteworthy names in Argentine wine can be found in Valle de Uco. This is largely due to international money flooding into the region after the 2001 economic crash in Argentina. Now striking palatial bodegas dot the landscape. Being more remote and expansive that the other wine regions, Valle de Uco requires a car rental, private driver, or organized tour to get around. But, don’t let this discourage you, the region is absolutely stunning and well worth a visit!

[raptorginger]

Chemistry & Conservation: Chapter 12 - Confluence, or Business as Usual

The beginning of the term passed fairly smoothly for Rey, in spite of her worry.  Her students were engaged and interested in what she had to say despite the class’ late hour, and she found the practice of teaching them quite enjoyable.  They watched her with rapt attention as she demonstrated various conservation techniques and different the chemical interactions they might encounter in a conservation lab.

After her first class ended at 8:00pm, she’d headed back to her office and was slightly surprised to see Ren standing there.  The Chemistry offices were typically deserted at this hour.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, secretly pleased to see him.  She hadn’t asked him to come by after her class, trying to seem nonchalant, but she was hoping he’d see through it and come anyway.

“I wanted to see how your class went,” Ren replied, playing along.  “You’re practically glowing, so I assume it went well?”

Unable to hold back her pleasure at having nailed her first day teaching any longer, Rey leapt at Ren, his arms reacting quickly to catch her, as she squealed “Yes!”

He held her tight and gave her a little spin before setting her back down on her feet and planting a kiss on the top of her head.  “I knew you’d do great.”

Rey flashed him a brilliant smile before heading into her office to collect her things.  As she pulled her door shut, she asked, “How was your day?”

Ren shrugged.  “Fine.  Got some work done.  Bossed the team around.  You know, the usual.”  Ren wasn’t teaching a class this term, so he was able to spend most of his time in the lab working on his catalyst with his team of RAs.

As they walked, Rey slipped her hand into his, interlacing their fingers together.  Ren smiled.  Pushing the ‘DOWN’ button on the elevator, Ren turned to Rey and asked, “Hungry?”

In response, Rey’s stomach let out an audible growl.   Her class was on Tuesdays from 5:00pm to 8:00pm, which left her little time to eat a proper dinner.  Rey nodded enthusiastically, “Very!”

After the elevator doors closed, Ren bent down and captured Rey’s mouth with a deep kiss, pulling her close.  His free hand came up and cupped her warm cheek as his tongue coaxed Rey’s mouth open.  He kissed her until the elevator stopped at the ground floor, releasing her only when the doors slid open.

“Maz’s?” Ren asked casually, as if he hadn’t just spent the last thirty seconds ravishing her mouth.

Rey could only nod, leaning into his side, wrapping her arm around his waist as they headed out of the building onto the dark, quiet street.

***

It was a few weeks before Rey’s boss at the Conservation Lab, Doctor Amilyn Holdo, was back from her trip.  She had been granted access to the secretive archives of the old Corellian Empire in order to assess the archive’s preservation needs.  It had taken her quite a distance away with limited communication for the entire summer.  

Rey had been working on a small painting from the Plagueis collection when Holdo called her in to her office.  It was a spacious if sparse room.  Holdo wasn’t one for unnecessary clutter.  Original blueprints for the University and libraries were hung in modern glass frames on the walls, and a modern desk stood proudly off to the left.  A few mid century modern chairs were around a small table in the corner.   At the table, Holdo sat across from an older man, a document resting on a piece of acid free board between them.  Rey recognized the man immediately - Luke Skywalker, Head of the History Department.  He was distinguished looking, with trimmed grey hair and a matching neat beard.  His shoulders carried a slight slump, the result of years of bending over old documents, examining them for the tiniest details.  His blue eyes were still bright though.  Both of them looked up when Rey walked in.  

“Rey,” Holdo greeted her warmly, holding out her arms.  

Rey came forward and grasped Holdo’s hands.  After a brief lean-in, Holdo released her hands and gestured toward the document sitting on the table.  Rey could see now it was the charter that she’d asked Doctor Skywalker to examine several weeks ago.  The one she suspected was a forgery.

“I’ll cut right to it,” Holdo began.  “Doctor Skywalker agrees with your assessment of this document.”

Taking the cue, Luke said, “Yes, partially, anyway.  I believe the actual document is original, and that dating will confirm that, but someone has indeed tampered with it.”

Rey sighed with something resembling relief.  

“The seal has clear signs of having been heat manipulated, as you suspected.  And, as you noted, some lettering has been changed.”

“Right,” said Holdo, taking back the conversational ball.  “I am giving you permission to take samples of the ink on this document and run chemical and dating tests on them, to determine their composition and age.  Having examined the document myself, I believe the lettering alterations and the seal manipulation were done at a later date, and that testing the ink will reveal this.  There isn’t much we can do chemical-wise on the seal.  I want extensive photographs taken of this document.”

Rey nodded, eager to get to work.

“Rey,” Holdo said, her tone and expression deadly serious, “I don’t need to tell you how sensitive this information is.  You are not to discuss this outside of this lab.  Doctor Skywalker has agreed to this condition as well.  The head of special collections is aware that there is an issue with this document, but he isn’t aware of the specifics.”

“Understood, Doctor Holdo,” Rey replied.

“Excellent.  After your testing has been completed and the results are in, we’ll decide how best to proceed.”

“Agreed, Doctor Holdo,” Rey said, nodding her assent.

“Alright then.  Get to it, my dear.”

Rey said goodbye to Doctor Skywalker and turned to begin collecting the supplies she’d need to take her samples.  It was going to be an interesting day.

***

Taking the samples from the document had taken most of the day.  Rey then spent about half an hour carefully packing the test tubes containing the ink samples into a padded travel case to take to the Chemistry Lab.  As she snapped the case shut and headed out, she groaned inwardly.  She’d have to ask Hux for use of the Lab’s resources for her tests.  Hux wasn’t so petty as to outright refuse her, but she knew he’d be difficult about it.  Rey sighed and steeled herself.  All he could do was delay her by saying there was a queue, and she’d just have to wait until it was her turn; the tests would get done.  Rey was by nature impatient, but she had to hand it to Hux, he’d helped her fix that, on purpose or not.

Fifteen minutes later, Rey was standing in front of Hux’s secretary.  She sighed as the woman told her Hux was in a meeting.  

“You can wait though,” she said sympathetically.  “He shouldn’t be too much longer.”

Rey gave her a smile, “Thanks, I’ll do that.”  Rey took a seat, holding the case carefully in her lap.  

It was about five minutes before Hux’s door cracked open.  Hux’s posh British voice filtered out.  “Excellent, excellent.  Thank you, Magister Snoke.”

Rey straightened in her seat.  She’d never seen the Magister in person.  The door opened wider and a aged man, tall, completely bald, imposing, sauntered out.  He carried an intricately carved ebony cane, although he didn’t seem to be leaning on it for support; it appeared to be more for decoration than function.  He wore a smart black suit and shirt and a gold tie.  His skin was mottled, and he had a mass of scar tissue on his skull, above his right eye.  He wore a massive gold ring on his right hand.  It bore the Plagueis seal.

Snoke paid Rey no mind as he passed her.  Rey hadn’t realized it, but she’d been holding her breath.  She exhaled quietly as she held her case tighter.  She glanced at Hux’s door again and had to stifle her surprise as Ren walked out next.  

He looked grumpy as he walked out; obviously he hadn’t wanted to be in whatever that meeting was.  Hux was all smiles as he clapped Ren on the back as he walked out.  Ren winced, but Hux couldn’t see his face.  His eyes found Rey’s and his expression brightened marginally.  He nodded cordially to her.  “Doctor Jinn, what a pleasure to see you.”

They’d agreed to maintain an air of professionalism around their colleagues.  Some were beginning to suspect that there might be more to it than that, Ren’s RAs had a tendency to gossip, but Hux was none the wiser.

“Doctor Solo,” Rey said quietly when he passed.  Ren surreptitiously ran his fingers along her arm.  Rey shivered.  She was going over to his place tonight, she remembered.  Her stomach flipped in anticipation.

Hux was talking to his secretary when Rey stood and cleared her throat.  “Doctor Hux, may I have a moment?”

Hux sighed, “Only a moment, Doctor Jinn.”

“Thank you, Sir.”  She followed him into his office.  As Rey passed the secretary, the woman gave her a knowing wink.

Keeping the door ajar, Hux said to Rey, “Luckily you’ve caught me in a good mood.  I’m sure you saw Magister Snoke just now.”  His chest puffed out proudly.  Rey stifled a snicker.

“Yes,” Rey replied, schooling her features into a face of seriousness.  “I’m sure you were quite honored to receive him.”

“Indeed, Doctor Jinn.  He came to discuss further funding of our department’s work.”

“Is that why Doctor Solo was here as well?” Rey asked.

“More or less.  As you know, Doctor Solo is a visiting researcher.  His position with the University is subject to change depending on their whim.  Magister Snoke wants him here and that’s what the meeting was about.  Magister Snoke wants to fund a position, specifically for Doctor Solo to continue his research without worry that the University might drop him.”

Rey kept her expression neutral, but internally wondered why Ren looked so angry coming out of the meeting if it had all been about funding a position for him.

“It would be a boon to the University,” Hux continued.  “I’m sure the Board of Regents will agree.”

Rey nodded in agreement, “They would certainly be foolish to disagree.”

Hux smiled at her, glad she was agreeing with him for once.  “So, what can I do for you, Doctor Jinn?”

“Well, I was hoping to run some chemical tests on a few ink samples, Doctor Hux.”

Hux waved his hands, “Of course of course,” he said amiably.  “There is a queue right now for that kind of thing, but you’re more than welcome to store your samples in the climate controlled secure room until it’s your turn.  I think there’s only three groups ahead of you, Doctor Jinn.”  He passed her a slip of paper with his approval signature to attach to her request.

Rey decided not to push her luck.  “Thank you so much, Doctor Hux.  I’ll be on my way.”  She headed out of his office, flipping his secretary a wave as she passed.  

She took the elevator down to the main floor where the Chemistry Lab was.  She punched in the code to enter the Lab’s vestibule type room, dropping most of her things off in a locker before donning the required protective equipment.  She punched in another code and entered the Lab, heading toward the back where the secure room was located.  Rey moved quickly past the different stations, each one in the midst of performing some task or experiment.  Huddled figures, clothed in lab coats and sporting protective goggles, masks, and gloves were busy writing notes, stoppering test tubes, or typing at the computer stations along the wall.  A few waved in greeting, and Rey would wave back.

Reaching the store room, Rey typed in a third code.  The door hissed open, and Rey moved quickly inside before the door hissed back shut.  She set her case down on the available table and began filling out the necessary paperwork for her request and place in the queue.  

Finishing that, she set her case in one of the empty glass compartments that lined the opposite wall and slipped her paperwork into the hanging slot in front of it.  Punching in the code again, she made her way back out into the Lab and through the gauntlet of keypads.  

She was struggling with her bag when Ren’s voice behind her made her jump.

He laughed, “It’s just me.”

“You scared me!” Rey exclaimed.

“Obviously,” Ren replied teasingly.  “What are you up to down here?”

“Dropping off some ink samples that I have to test when my turn’s up,” Rey replied.

“Oh, from the document that’s a forgery?” Ren asked.

“Shh! You’re not supposed to know that,” Rey hissed.

“Why not?” Ren whispered, leaning forward to hear her better.

“My boss doesn’t want other people to know, so pretend you weren’t there and that you know nothing,” Rey whispered urgently.

“Nothing about what?” Ren asked, all innocently, as he straightened.

“Exactly,” Rey replied, smiling up at him. “Heading in?”

“Yeah.  Have to check on something the team found.”

“What was that meeting about earlier?”

Ren’s eyes darkened, a slight frown crossing his face.  “I’ll tell you later.”

Rey looked up at him, worry written in her expression.  “Ok,” she said gently.

Ren’s face softened.  He looked around quickly before he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a quick embrace.  Rey rose on her toes and kissed him briefly before he let go.

“See you tonight,” Ren said seductively as he punched in the code.

Rey blushed as she hurried away, feeling his eyes on her until she was out of sight.