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themoonweaversden · 28 days

Text

Messeges that were found so far: STOD EHT TCENNOC (spoilers)

This is just to collect all the codes that you can type in in thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and their effects only (please click images for better quality)

I am so sorry if the transcripts in these are't the best, it's A LOT and my mind doesn't understand what's writing anymore

Masterpost with all messeges / codes

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Have you ever heard of Orchard Lake, Kansas? Chances are you haven’t. It was erased from every map, book, and historical record, and the US Government’s official position on it is “stop calling us or we’ll send a drone to your house.” (I learned this the hard way.) But if you drive to the exact latitude and longitude of [REDACTED] you’ll see bullet casings, faded billboards, and bow ties strewn across the desert sands.

That’s because Orchard Lake had another name before it was wiped off the record: BillVille.

CHAPTER 3: BillVille The First Cult In History That Was Right

[image]

FIG A: A tumbillweed

As a historian of esoteric religions, I thought I’d discovered the strangest sects America had yet to offer (see “Chapter 3: Kevin’s Gate”) but that all changed when I found the following items tucked away in an old trunk in an estate sale on the outskirts of Bootstrap, Missouri."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

"3/24/1957

Mother, I have the most wonderful news! Remember when you said I should stop being “such a follower” and finally think for myself? Well—turns out you were right! I’ve decided to stop following Elvis’ tour bus from state to state and instead I’ve made the exciting life decision to sell all my possessions to buy a one-way ticket to [REDACTED] and marry 138 of my new best friends! We’ve discovered the eternal secrets of the Universe, and golly it feels keen! For the first time in my life, I am happy!

Remember reality is an illusion, the Universe is a hologram, buy gold, and bye forever!

Your daughter, Shelter Martha Jones Starshine Cipherwife

P.S. You’ve just gotta check out this neato pamphlet!"

FIG B: Letter and pamphlet advertising “Ciphertology.” Was found along with pins, buttons, ephemera. Smells like formaldehyde."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

After reading this pamphlet, I became obsessed. Who were the Ciphertologists?

It seems in 1952 a failed travelling snake oil salesman “Silas Birchtree” was hiding from creditors when he choked on a coin he was flipping and died. Then, remarkably, the next day, he was seen alive. His posture, his smile, the pallor of his skin had all changed. It was as if another man entirely was wearing Silas like a suit. Whatever caused this transformation, the new Silas hit Orchard Lake, Kansas like a comet.

[TRANSCRIPT, FIRST AUDIO RECORDING FOUND OF SILAS BIRCHTREE GIVING A SPEECH IN THE TOWN SQUARE OF ORCHARD LAKE, KANSAS]

“Say, folks, gather round, thank you ma’am, spit out that gum, junior. My names Silas Birchtree, and I was just passing through when I noticed a very pressing problem: This town only has three wells! Well, well, well, that won’t hold water! (townsfolk laugh) But seriously plasma bags, if you’re dim enough to laugh at that tripe then you’re going to love what I’m about to shove down your throats: The secrets of the universe! I may look like an meat automoton but I was recently granted otherworldly insight into the nature of reality by an all-seeing eye named Bill Cipher. You have primal needs for chaos that are being repressed! Destroying is a form of creating! Assert your will in defiance of entropy! Punch through the throats of your oppressors and baptize yourself in their blood! Doesn’t that sound swell? Yes I said swell, and that rhymes with L, and that stands for “Let me Marry All Your Wives!”

-Silas Birchtree, 1952

It didn’t seem to matter what Silas said, folks were mesmerized by his rambling stream of consciousness diatribes. It wasn’t long before he became local news."

Treanscript:

"THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK "A suitable distraction from your toils." June 18, 1952 | 5 CENTS

CULT COMES TO TOWN Fans of Cults Pleased, Cult Skeptics Skeptical

Two things are on the rise this week in Orchard Lake! The sweet, sweet corn-bread cooling in Mrs. Butternubbins windowsill, and the terrifying cult that threatens to tear our town asunder. And asunder is one of the worst things you can be torn! Springing forth seemingly overnight, these bow-tie wearing brainwashees call themselves the Ciphertologists, and they answer to one man, the charismatic and extremely jaundiced Silas BirchTree. Town sentiment is divided as to whether this new religion can be trusted, but all agree this seems to be the most significant event in our town since a bat fell in the deep fryer at the waffle house. We spoke to townsfolk to gauge the local sentiment.

...WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY...

Darla Laudanum, Housewife: "Well, I don’t see what the big fuss is! Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, and Silas is no different. Why, I remember when everyone was worried that “Hula Hoops” were going to turn our children into Communists. But we only had to report 3 children!"

Gus Gunderson, Painter: "I ‘spose he’s got a funny way of talkin’, shore ‘nuff, but he promised me I’d live forever on my own moon, which beats my current job at the paint store. He also said he’d teach me to explode people with my mind. My mother ‘n law had better watch out!"

Madeline Dixon, Teenager: "He’s fine, I guess. It’s not like I replaced the picture of James Dean in my locket with him or anything. What? No you can’t look inside the locket, this is a personal locket!"

Emmaline Butternubbins, Spoilsport: "I’m telling you! He’s a human corpse puppeteered by a space triangle and he’s come to build an unholy astral pyramid from mortal realm beyond mortal understanding! Gather up your swords and arrows, let us slay the beast in mans form before he slays us!"

Can You "Dig It?" Hey Daddio! Are you hoppin mad about the piles of youth that are buckling your Chevy’s pad to the winner? Dig this jive! A keen new shovel that all the hep cats are using to flip those big Ricks right out of the sock hop! Man, you know what it is called!

“HIPPADDY RENZADDY’S SUPER-KEENHOOT SCOOP!”

It’s me, “Hip Daddy” Renzaddy! 50 years ago my great grandpappy Renzaddy toppled a pile of stones to death to avenge his death! The eternal war on man’s sin rages on!

5 CENTS OFF!

Teen Accused of "Rocking Around the Clock," Faces Trial ... (PG 3) Joseph McCarthy Arrests Suspicious Pez Dispenser (PG 5)"

Trascript:

"PAGE 2 THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK, JUNE 18, 1952 INTERVIEW WITH A PROPHET

Our lead reporter Welton Danforth sat down with the enigmatic leader to gain some insight into his holy mission. When they sat down to speak, the controversial religious leader was staring at his hands laughing as he wiggled his fingers.

Silas: Fingers! Wow, there’s just so many of these things! How do you keep track? Hey could someone get me a swig of formaldehyde?

Welton: Good evening. I have never seen a man open his eyes as wide as yours before. What exactly is going on with your face?

Silas: My face is normal! Next question!

Welton: (laughing) Well there’s that charm I’ve heard so much about. Move over, Johnny Carson! Tell me, how do you respond to accusations that the Ciphertologists are a cult?

Silas: Yes!

Welton: So you don’t deny it?

Silas: Look slick, everyone believes in something they can’t prove. Football players believe in “points.” Cops believe in “laws.” Priests believe in “sin.” But show me a law, a point, a sin. You can’t, they’re just ideas. So if you’re going to follow something invisible, why not follow the invisible Triangle that will give you your own planet and crush your enemies into a small screaming cube.

Welton: You’re awfully quick with a turn of phrase, but many others with silver tongues have claimed to be the messiah. What makes you any different?

Silas: Fair point! You know, you’re very perceptive. Has your wife told you that lately?

Welton: (pause) No. No… Janet has not. We are… going through a rough patch.

Silas: Must be hard. All those long nights on the couch, wondering what went wrong.

Welton: Yes… but, how did you know all that?

Silas: I know lots of things, Jack! And I know that when you die at 72 from a goose crashing into your head on a roller coaster, your last thought is gonna be that you wasted your life interviewing hick farmers instead of becoming that great novelist you always dreamed of being! That unfinished novel in your desk drawer…

Welton: …The Reporter Who Went To Mars?

Silas: It could be the greatest book of all time. But you’ll need someone to help you reach your full potential. I think I know a guy! By the way, I’ll need 1,000 dollars immediately.

Welton: Can I give you my watch as a down payment?

Silas: Fine, but only because I like you. Anyway, where were we? Oh right! I was interviewing you. Tell me, how long have you been a Ciphertologist?

Welton: Well, I suppose as of 5 seconds ago, but it already feels like much longer, Mr. Birchtree.

Silas: Please, call me “My Lord And Master.”

Welton: Yes, My Lord and Master. Do you have anything else to add before you go?

Silas: Only this, and I mean it sincerely: HAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (cont’d)"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[2 images]

Within a month, The Ciphertologists had taken City Hall, renamed Orchard Lake "BillVille" and began stockpiling weapons, human teeth, and multi-colored ball-pit balls from burger restaurants. Townsfolk began shaving their heads and inhaling helium to match the pitch of their leader's shrill charismatic voice, and would participate in "Dream-Ins" inviting Silas's muse "Bill Cipher" to "possess" of up to 30 of them at once, at which point they would often laugh in unison for hours. Construction began of the "Very Normal Giant Metal Portal" in the desert. Travel was banned coming in and out, even for medical emergencies since, as Silas explained, "pain is hilarious!" They began to expand, knocking on doors to spread "The Bad News."

[image]

FIG C: It was pretty easy to spot a Ciphertologist. Can you see what makes them stand out? That's right - their enthusiastic smiles!

[image]

FIG D: The "Golden Bastard" apple, grown only by Ciphertologists, reportedly "screamed" when you ate it."

Transcript: (this one is really weird to trascribe, so sorry if it's difficult to understand)

"THERE’S ONE “EYE” IN TEAM! Can you find it?

In Ciphertology, we encourage you to express your individuality, just like Silas does! That means strict conformity to his exact wardrobe, or else being sent to “The Hole.” You won’t like the hole!

KEEP AN EYE OPEN!

SHAVE A SPOT FOR BILL TO ENTER!

POSTURE

TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN! Order is a Trojan horse for chaos!

GREASE YOUR SHOES! Are you done? ADD MORE GREASE! And MORE!

(Image of two people in matching outfits doing Ciphertologist poses)

Pocket full of yummy glass!

Not pictured - The hot brand we will sear into your flesh. Which part of your body will we brand? It’s weirder than you think!

Did you know?: Therapy is a scam to keep you from the truth. Lean into your natural born mental illness to unlock your true potential!

GO DOOR TO DOOR! SPREAD THE JOY LIKE A DISEASE!

Follow this script to convert the non-billievers!

Hi! Do you have one minute to talk about the triangle who lives in your brain and has seen you naked? . YES → GOOD! The old gods are dead, and BILL ATE THEM! Dig it? . NO → Stare at them until they start crying.

Are you ready to accept him into your mind? . YES → (Continue script) . NO → Eat one of your own fingers in front of them. Don’t break eye contact.

Raise your arms and shriek a perfect E note in the 8th octave at 5,243 Hz. Their skull will shatter. Like a wine glass!

Great! Your new name is: ________________(SEE GUIDE TO CHOOSING CIPHERTOLOGY NAME PG 6) What size robe are you? __________________SEE YOU AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE! (Do Cipher Handshake, devour pamphlet, crawl away upside down)

WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING.

CIPHERTOLIGIST'S GUIDE TO DELIGHTSOMENESS, 1952"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[image]

ABOVE: The Ciphertology “Brain Seismograph” or “BS” Meter had dials for “gullibility,” “financial liquidity,” “celebrity influence,” “herbs,” and “spices.”

The cult surged in popularity and influence. Silas’s motto “embrace today as if your town is going to be hit by a tornado in exactly 3 & a half years!” was infectious, and he immediately ended all crime by declaring that “everything is legal now!”

[image]

Soon the only unconverted local was unmarried town nag Emmaline Butternubbins. She was convinced there was something “not right” about the mysterious megalomaniacal cult leader. Her protests escalated to her distributing these home-made warning pamphlets to very annoyed children.

[image]

“Most people rejected Emmaline’s message. They hated her because she told the truth” —Emmaline, to her cat Bonbon."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Conflict became inevitable. When Silas hijacked a local TV station to read an “erotic tale of two trapezoids,” Elk Glen filed a complaint with the FCC. Cipherologists retaliated by pouring 600 gallons of bubble solution in their drinking water. Soon the law became involved.

“Blrbl bll Tbllbl Ciphertobblblblblb” - Hurk Durnsley, Oak Glen City Council

The Cipherologists were ordered to return City Hall, dismantle the “Portal” they were building out of scrap metal and car parts, or face the full force of the Kansas State Troopers. The standoff lasted 13 days, with Silas and his die hard followers holed up in a waffle house chanting “TEETH” over and over again for reasons unknown. Silas was becoming increasingly agitated and erratic, blocking all radio and TV signals into town and ordering his followers to hurry construction of his mysterious metallic project. His body was also looking increasingly pale and desiccated, which he ascribed to his “fantastic diet” of eating nothing but “solid chunks of chlorine and ants.”

BILLVILLE DAILY NEWS June Billeteeth, Billtee-Fifty-Bill PORTAL NEARLY COMPLETE EVERYONE THRILLED, EVEN THE GOVERNMENT! (DO NOT TURN ON YOUR TELEVISION)"

Transcript:

"Finally Emmaline Butternubbins, enraged that no one liked her pamphlets, hurled a torch into the CipherTologists HQ, igniting the helium tanks, blasting out the windows and destroying Silas’s machine. Troopers opened fire as Silas’s followers held hands and began singing “WE’LL MEET AGAIN” in defiance. Silas, riddled with bullet holes, grabbed a megaphone, leapt atop the inferno, grinning wildly as he was engulfed in flame.

“YOU CAN’T KILL A MAN WHO’S ALREADY DEAD! IF YOU TAKE ME DOWN, I’LL BE BACK, MORE POWERFUL AND MORE ANNOYING THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE! REMMEBER- REALITY-”

At this point, Silas Birch Tree’s head fell off, flies swarmed from his mouth and he collapsed into a grey husk. A coroner declared Silas BirchTree dead for a second time. Black helicopters evacuated the site and the city was erased from all official records. Mrs Butternubbins was awarded the Medal of Honor, which she used as an ashtray.

On the Lighter Side “QUIRKY NEWS!” CULT DISBANDED, 9 DEAD Slow news day? Well we gotta fill these pages somehow! In an oddball story that’s definitely out there a remote Orchard Lake’s homespun cult committed a laundry list of heinous crimes. Trashed walls, buildings, and tank-wielding federal agents stormed the “Cipherologists” headquarters. The panic escalated as the “Cipherologists” leader offered everyone a bag of candy and destroyed the stockade on a rented lemon- but just gave everyone you love from the ability to express their emotions. We are out of terrible diarrhea. It is unclear if this was his intention or not. We are out of things to say in this piece, no one really cares what happens in Kansas."

Transcript:

"ONLY KNOWN PHOTO OF SILAS'S BODY, 1952"

Transcript: "LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Although BillVille has faded into urban legend, hidden remnants remain for those who know where to look. It is even said that there are straggling members out there, still holding out hope for Silas’s return.

(RIGHT: IRONIC T-SHIRT SOLD ONLINE)

In cults, this is a common phenomenon. Human beings are so hungry for a confident voice to guide them in an uncertain world, that they’ll follow anyone, even a madman, wherever he goes. Usually off a cliff.

But there was something different about Silas Birchtree. The more I research, the more of his predictions I’ve seen coming true. Recently I was going through old records when I found Silas’s final words, tucked away in a lost letter he wrote before the standoff, a message unseen until now.

His message was:

“At least this will make a fun chapter of your book, Donna!”

My name is Donna Rutherford. Yesterday, I was a Lutheran. As of today, I am a Ciphertologist.

[CODE]"

Code decoded: "YOUCANTKILLANIDEA"

#bill cipher #book of bill #gravity falls #thisisnotawebsitedotcom

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doctorguilty · 1 year

Text

vent

like I keep begging my grandpa to stop shouting at the cats like they're dogs, especially prozac because it triggers me when anyone is mean to him due to [redacted], but like if one of the cats is sitting somewhere they're not supposed to be he just starts shouting DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! a million times getting increasingly louder and I'm telling him like. again they are not dogs they do not understand commands like that you just gotta go over and nudge them off or grab them and plop them down and thats how they learn. but he just does not listen so I have to hear that shouting all the time.

and it's honestly made prozac worse like the first couple months living here prozac was quieter than ever because everything was way quieter at home here, compared to where I was previous as well, so he had like finally stopped yelling all the time and his anxiety calmed down, but ever since my grandma broke her femur and she's housebound 90% of the time so my grandparents are always arguing so that's loud vocalizations all the time and then the yelling AT him, he's started to get really loud again like yowling all the time for attention because that's just how Humans do things here, which drives me crazy like it really sets off my misophonia, also his anxiety is bad again like I defs notice the correlation between quiet vs loud house and him being relaxed verses constantly on edge and stuff, and MY stress levels are horrible from the overall noise levels being ridiculous hence why I spend every day like waiting in my room surviving on snacks and soda until I can quietly use the kitchen

i can't wait to move out with my partner like I just know my quality of life will drastically shoot up like I've never had before, just live in a peaceful quiet home with nobody else disturbing us and I'm sure prozac will be calm again too. we're planning like sometime next year, if everything goes well. i think it would be really nice honestly if 30 is the number I hit and then my life really gets truly better and I start over, idk. for now it's just like. get me out of here

#seth speaks

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suckishima · 3 years

Note

oikawa for the character ask!

Oh boy haha, hope i don't cause any controversy with this one

First impression: didn't like him. at all. well, i think i was pretty neutral until end of season one with the flashback scene where he tries to hit kageyama, that put a bad taste in my mouth for a very long time. and the fact that he still teases kageyama even after iwaizumi knocks some sense into him—it's like he learned a lesson and that lesson just doesn't apply to the people he doesn't like lol

Impression now: this is verrrry hard to talk about without mentioning spoilers lol, but i will attempt. he's grown on me. even when i didn't enjoy him as a person, i always respected him as a player and a teammate. as the series goes on (s2 for example) you can tell his pettiness has evened out some, and i appreciate that. i think his drive, his hunger and the insane levels he will go to for volleyball are admirable. he's hinata&kageyama-level of volleyball obsessed and i think there's some nice parallels there. his role in the narrative is pretty fascinating and i like him from that perspective immensely. i definitely think he's interesting as a character and i don't actively dislike him anymore, but i'm not sure i would go so far as to say i'm fond of him either lol. i'm neutral

Favorite moment: if you know me at all and you've read the manga i hope you know what it is lmao, furudate is an absolute fucking genius and anime-onlys are in for a treat (oikawa stans and neutral people like me both). BUT for of what's been animated, it's gotta be that insane cross-court set to iwaizumi at the end of seijoh 2. it's their connection and effort together over the years come to it's ultimate peak and culmination and it's really stunning tbh

Idea for a story: i actually wrote an iwaoi fic last year, surprisingly, but i'm not sure if i really have any more ideas for them or oikawa specifically. if i did it would probably be a gen fic about when oikawa meets [redacted] in [redacted].

Unpopular opinion: this is gonna sound so weird i'm sure, but, my unpopular opinion for oikawa is that he is talented. i think all that stuff about him "not being as good as a genuis" is bs lmao, he just thinks he's not as good as kageyama because they have different skillsets. he's six feet tall, has a naturally athletic body, has one of the strongest serves in the series and as far as we know he's never actually struggled with any specific volleyball skill. sure, he can't do pinpoint accuracy like kageyama can, he's not a "genius" or w/e in that way, but oikawa is a natural born setter, easy. his entire attitude and demeanor reeks of setter aura—the way he can understand a person's playstyle almost immediately, the way he can subtly manipulate both his teammates and the opponents to dance to his tune—those are talents. i see a lot of rhetoric surrounding oikawa about how he had to work harder than everyone else because he "wasn't as talented" and tbh i just find that to be untrue in canon lol. i mean, he absolutely works hard—harder than almost everyone in the entire series—but, he does also have a ton of talents. his downfall comes in when he thinks that just because he can't be great in the same way someone else can, that that means he's lacking something—he can't see himself from the outside, he doesn't know how great he actually is. (tbh i think all of this is a good thing and makes him a really interesting character and a great temporary unreliable narrator. i just get kinda peeved when i see people talking about how 'hard' oikawa has it and how 'the world is against him' when he's one of the most naturally talented athletes we've seen lmao)

Favorite relationship: iwaizumi! god does oikawa need a balance check and iwaizumi is that for him haha. i wish we got to see more interactions between them in canon in terms of pushing each other even more. it's a good foundation rn, but i'd love to see it expanded on even further.

Favorite headcanon: his teammates roast him constantly, he cannot catch a break. like 10x what we see in canon lol. also, his hair product is really crunchy and crusty but he refuses to buy a new one bc he "likes the way this one shines" or something

send me a hq!! character 🏐💖

#ooo boy i can already feel people wanting to argue with me lol #also! if anyone wants to know more about my spoilery thoughts on any of these asks feel free to send and i'll make a tagged post!#hq #oikawa #ask #anonymous #long post

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residentlesbrarian · 4 years

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The First Book I Read In the Dark: Queer Witches and a Whole Bunch of Redwood Trees

The Lost Coast by Amy Rose Capetta

Let me set the scene...we start Day 1 of this experience curled up next to the white painted fireplace desperate for warmth with two blankets, an extra hoodie, a stocking cap, and my trusty lazy husband for that much needed lumbar support.

Now The Lost Coast was a book I had checked out multiple times over the past year of silence on this blog because every time I saw it on the shelf I would pick it up, flip to the blurb, read it and go, “Man, that sounds so good! I gotta read it!” Then I’d check it out and it would sit in my locker, or in my car, or on my desk for three weeks and I’d turn it in completely untouched. But this time...this time I swore I was reading this damn book! Even if I was reading 10 pages a day during my breaks at work I was gonna finally read this book, it wasn’t going unread sitting somewhere for three weeks again. Little did I know how right I would be!

So as a bit of a precursor this is the only book of those I read in the dark that I had already started. I was 90 pages in when I started reading on Day 1 and I only get more incoherent from here so let’s do this!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: Our protagonist is pulled across the country to the yawning redwood forest of northern California and discovers more than she could ever imagine. Her mom thought Danny kissing girls was the worst of her problems but now she has to deal with witches and magic and is that a dead body! This non-stop ride is just getting started!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review:

Okay so I would say this book pretty firmly falls in a middle ground of okay for me. It was some really great escapism for me in a time when I really needed it, but the way the book was structured and written just didn’t really jive with my usual reading tastes. It felt to me like it was trying so hard to be poetic and artistic that it got a little lost at times, no pun intended with the title of the book.

Now for the plot, which I think was maybe the strongest element of this book. The driving plot of the book never changed and was always consistent and I really liked how the author wove the magic of the world and the unique structure of how she was telling the story while never losing the plot in that unique structure. It was always peeling away one layer at a time and showing us just a bit more without holding our hand. It was very well done and kept me guessing and trying to figure out what was going to happen and how it was all going to end. Next we have what is usually my favorite part of a review but this time...isn't.

I have so many conflicted feelings about the characters in The Lost Coast. On one hand holy giant redwoods I haven’t read a book since Not Your Sidekick that had this many casually queer characters just strutting about doing their thing, but on the other hand I feel the way the story was written leaves so much to be desired. The characters feel so thin and lacking when they had the potential to be so rich and diverse. Don’t get me wrong they are diverse in the bare bones definition, but we know so little about them at the end of the day it feels like it doesn’t really matter. We have our protagonist, Danny, who we know has a strained relationship with her mother but is close enough with she was willing to move her across the country in an attempt to try and give her a fresh start. Now there are somethings that take place in the story that explain a lot of the odd things about Danny’s character and made me a lot less unhappy with her by the time the book ended but it was really hard to get behind her as a protagonist at the beginning not because I didn’t like her but because I wasn’t motivated to follow her into the story. She was just going along from one event to the next with no real drive of her own, which brings us to the Grays: Hawthorne, June, Lelia, and Rush. They at least have a consistent motivation, but they had such potential to be really interesting characters but each one fell just short for me. The closest one to a compelling for me was Rush, we learned the most about her and I think that was mostly because Danny paid the most attention to her for obvious gay reasons. Now I can’t really expand too much more without going into massive spoiler territory for the plot which I don’t want to do, because the book is good and is an experience I don’t want to take away from anyone it just fell flat for me.

So yeah, this book wasn’t what I expected and I think a huge part of that was because the blurb is so much different than what is in the book itself. And I know, as a lesbrarian I should know not to judge a book by its cover or its blurb...but that is your first exposure to the story you are going to be reading and in this case the tone was so much different. Now let me reiterate this book wasn’t bad. There were parts that were so beautifully written I had to reread them several times to take in the layers of imagery and sheer poetry of the prose, but I feel like at times that style took away from the story itself and most of all it took away from the characters so that by the end of it they just fall a bit flat for me. I do recommend you give it a shot though because you won’t find a book with a queerer cast out there and maybe it will speak to you more than it did to me.

Queer Wrap-up: Alright lets look at the this stellar tally shall we. Even with my own lack luster feelings toward the characters from a story perspective you can’t over look the fact that all but one character we interact with on page regularly is queer. That is something I have never seen before, so it more than earned its five unicorns, even if the quality was a bit lacking on the tail end the quantity really pulled it out. So we have our protagonist who is unapologetically kissing girls from page one and doesn’t ever shut up about it but also doesn’t shy away from the fact she also finds boys undeniably adorable and cute. In a scene that makes this tally easier than most she defines herself as queer so we are gonna stick with that. Within the Grays we have Lelia who is a tiny nonbinary gray ace person who will get in your face and is not afraid to be called a weirdo, June is a “femme as fuck” lesbian who is also not white (I belive Danny describes her as vaguely pacific islander at one point. I swear it was more specifically stated what her ethnicity was somewhere later in the book but I didn’t write it down at the time and couldn’t find it in my quick flip threw the book when I grabbed it to jot down their stated sexualities, but she is definitely not white), Hawthorne is a bisexual black witch who states she has “a strong lean toward masculine folks” which is refreshing to see bisexual representation that isn’t just “gay but guys exist I guess”, then we have Rush who very succinctly sums herself up with “Fat. Queer. White. Cello Player.” She is also some add rep in the form of having synesthesia where she can taste words. We also have some disability rep as June has an injury to her leg from a fall out of a tree that never healed properly and it does cause problems for her throughout the book, not the greatest rep but it’s there and shouldn’t be forgotten or not included. Man, oh man, this is the longest wrap-up I think I’ve ever written but I am still not done yet. We have Imogen who is the missing Gray mentioned in the blurb and brought up pretty quickly in the story and without spoiling anything we do get confirmation she is also undeniably queer as well as another character that I can’t even begin to talk about without a giant redacted stamp for spoiler reasons, but just know this book does have queer rep coming out its ears.

Links:

Amy Rose Capetta’s Website

Goodreads

So yes here we come to the end of the first Book I Read In the Dark it was a whimsical journey through redwoods with witches and more queerness than you could shake a widowmaker at (if you don’t get that reference read the book). I finished this book on Day 1 and immediately dove right into Book 2 because well I didn’t have anything else to do and I was kinda reeling from the confusion of this book and wanted something to ground me. The next book was one I had wanted to read for a very long time. You’ll see whether it did the job or not.

As always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

#The Lost Coast #Amy Rose Capetta #resident lesbrarian #five unicorns #3 queer girls #1 bisexual black girl #1 gray ace nonbinary person #1 lesbian #1 queer [redacted]#wlw rep #ya novel #paranormal #magical realism #go to you local library #but wear a mask #and wash your hands #and stay 6 feet apart #be safe guys gals and nonbinary pals

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itsclownhours · 4 years

Conversation

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

morgause: customer (derogatory)

arthur: business major (derogatory)

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

morgana: i have no self of steam

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

gwaine: turn down for whom?

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

#puff does things #long post

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hispeculiartreasure · 5 years

Text

All We’ve Got is Time - Chapter Thirteen | B.B.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

AU: If They’d Survived/Post-War/Window Washer!Bucky Barnes

Rating: Teen

Word count: 3,540

Chapter 13/24

Warnings: Language

AN: Spanning the time of Bucky’s entire on-site training, this chapter is pretty different from anything I’ve ever done before. I have a sneaking suspicion y’all are really going to enjoy it. Lemme hear your thoughts when you’re done!

Chapter Twelve

‘All We’ve Got is Time’ Masterlist

July 7, 1946

Dear Bucky,

I can already imagine the panic on your face when I hand this to you at the train station this afternoon. I hope you take my assurance that it isn’t a Dear John letter seriously. I just wanted to give you something to read on your long trip to Pennsylvania. A 10 hour train ride to Pittsburgh and then a 2 hour bus ride to New Castle, I think you told me? I know you packed some textbooks but one can only do so much studying in a 12 hour window - you’ll go crazy. And I’d really appreciate it if you returned semi-sane. But I also wanted to circumvent any uncontrollable emotions I may have during a goodbye, no matter how temporary it may be. In short, you’re very welcome.

I know you’re a big brave combat veteran but I also know this training is a big deal for you. It’s all new material, a new place, new people. A lot of change in a really small amount of time. No matter how much you insist that you’re fine, I’ll still commend you for facing this challenge head on. And I’ll be in your corner as long as you’ll let me. Hopefully you’ll be so busy that you forget about any discomfort you may have.

I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous of you. You know how tough work has been the last week. With Anderson piling more tasks on me while he’s been mysteriously out of the office and Flannery being even more strict on how the office is run after the Fourth of July debacle, my job has been exhausting. What I’d give to leave it behind for a while, to learn useful, practical skills. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be - well, I guess I already had my turn, huh? I’m hoping you’ll let me live vicariously through you over the next month. Write to let me know all about what you’re learning and how you’re feeling about it, if you want to. Who knows, you may be able to teach me a thing or two when you get back. But not more than two. That’d be far-fetched. Don’t forget, I did teach you everything you know.

See you in 34 days. That’s doable, right? What am I supposed to do with myself with all this free time? You’ve put quite the cramp in my social life, apparently. I’ll have to see what kind of trouble I can get in without you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Be good,

Your Girl

July 8, 1946

Sixth Floor,

Gotta admit, you shoving a piece of paper into my hands as you pushed me onto the train did take me by surprise. After the split second of panic I realized you’d miss me too much if you let me go. But in all seriousness, thank you for writing that letter. Kinda felt like I got to carry a little bit of you with me here. That’s cheesy. Nevermind.

I haven’t written a letter since I was discharged from the army, so I apologize if I’m a little rusty. It’ll be especially strange since my CO won’t be reading it or redacting any information. I’ll have to get Becca to show you some of the letters I sent home - most of the time half of what I wrote had been blacked out due to “sensitive information”. Towards the end of the war my letters were short and sweet, just telling everyone I was alive and okay. I don’t get the impression that the teachers here will have much interest in my mail. Time will tell. But I do remember in the beginning that writing down things that had happened to me over there was helpful. Like I could get a tragic event out of my head with just a pen. Writing down helped make sense of it somehow. Hopefully these letters will have the same effect.

While I technically wrote this on the train, by the time I get this to a post office I’ll have made it to New Castle safely. When I was young we never traveled very far out of the city, so ironically the most “country” I’ve seen was in Europe and it was nowhere near as pleasant as here. Places that have had the ever-loving shit bombed out of them can hardly be called pleasant. Maybe getting out of the city will be good for my head. Like you said, being able to get away from the usual responsibilities to focus only on this training will be a nice break, I think. And a vacation from washing windows. I’m gonna get spoiled.

You called me on my bluff and I like to think I’m an honest man. To be real honest with you. . . I’m nervous. Part of me wonders if I even have what it takes to finish out this training. But I’ll take your word for it. If you think I can do it, you can’t be completely wrong, can you? And don’t worry, the problem won’t be ‘how long will Bucky keep me in his corner’ but closer to ‘will Bucky ever let me OUT of his corner?’. The answer will probably be no. To be determined.

Don’t be afraid to share about your days, too. Maybe it’ll make me a little less homesick, if I get to that point. And I know your days will be infinitely harder without me there by your side. Whatever will you do? I really wish you could be here, though.

33 days better pass quickly, for your sake and for mine.

Yours,

Bucky

July 12, 1946

Dearest Bucky,

If you can’t actually address a letter with my real name instead of using “Sixth Floor” I’m going to find an embarrassing nickname for you so the postal worker snickers when they hand letters over to you, see how you like it.

It’s been a fairly innocuous week. A quiet one, that’s for sure. Just been trying to keep my head down and avoid Anderson as much as I can. Suzy has dragged me out for dinner and drinks a few times to keep me busy. She says hi, by the way. And she demanded I tell you that if you don’t come back soon, I’m going to drive her crazy with my “mopey-ness”. Also, you owe her a drink for cheering me up while you’re gone - she’ll collect when you return. The other girls are doing great; Alice got married and is moving upstate with her husband, so we’ve got a new girl taking her place. She seems sweet, but extremely shy and quiet. Hopefully she warms up to us soon.

Funnily enough, it’s my turn to write a letter on a train. Earlier this week Mom called and complained about not seeing me often enough since I moved into the city, so I’m on my way to Tarrytown. I hadn’t realized I’ve stayed in town every single weekend since we’d gone steady. Guess I’ve had a good reason to keep my plans open, huh?

Mom also fished around for when I’d come back next even though I haven’t even arrived yet. In her round-about-way, she hinted that she wants me home for Halloween. I can’t blame her, I’ve never not been home for the festivities. I was going to buy my ticket in advance and began to wonder if I should buy two. One for me, one for you? I mean, if you would like to visit Tarrytown with me the weekend before Halloween? The 31st is a Thursday, which puts a damper on things, but it’ll still be a blast. Mom mentioned wanting to meet this “mysterious new friend” that’s kept me in New York so often.

Since I had the pleasure of meeting your family, I thought I should return the favor and ask if you’d like to meet my parents? If that’s something you’re not comfortable with, I understand being that it’s way ahead of time and a fairly intimate situation. I’m sorry, I’m not being very eloquent am I? You don’t need to make a decision. Just think about it.

How’s it been? Are you getting along with everyone? Tell me everything!

We’re down to 29 days, but that still feels far too long.

Truly,

My Name is Not Sixth Floor

July 17, 1946

Dear Sassafras,

Buy 2 tickets to Tarrytown. I’m looking forward to spending Halloween with your folks. You’ll have to try a lot harder than that to scare me off.

Have we gone steady? I don’t remember asking you. Did you hypnotize me? Please advise. (Hopefully you can read my teasing tone and not leave me heartbroken as a result of this horrible joke)

Tell Suzy I’ll happily buy her a drink as long as she keeps guys in bars away from you, huh? All is well here. The guys are okay, but they’re not you. No one is you. But chatting passes the time and they’re easy enough to get along with. It’s interesting to see all the different paths that have led us here, all our different motivations. There are people here from all over. I thought I had to travel a long way, but the guy from Maine’s got me beat. His letters take longer to travel too, makes me grateful I get to hear from you fairly often.

I know this doesn’t come as a surprise to you but the training has been tough work. Motor oil is permanently stained into my skin, I’m convinced. But I have to admit that everything you taught me gave me a definite leg-up on most of the other students. I was the only one who could replace a spark plug successfully on the first try. They didn’t believe me when I told them my girl showed me how. Obviously they don’t know my girl.

I was daydreaming the other day about something you whispered to me at Steve’s birthday dinner. It was right after you had finished chatting with Peggy. You kinda tucked yourself into my side when you slid back into the booth, you just grabbed my hand almost wondered out loud, ‘What kind of cake do you like? I wanna know so I make sure you get in on your birthday’. My birthday isn’t even until March, but you were still thinking about me and wanted to have the little bit of info to save for later. The fact that you had ‘for later’ in mind . . . I think about that a lot.

How are we only at 24 days? Seems like time should be passing faster.

Always,

Bucky

July 22, 1946

James Buchanan,

You’re right, that is a terrible joke. Never do that again or you’ll find I’ve died of a heart attack. Ya big tease.

Speaking of Steve, I dropped by y’all’s apartment on my way home from work to return that book I’d borrowed and we ended up talking for a while. It’s funny, I don’t know if I ever voiced this to you, but he is absolutely nothing that I expected him to be. We were so engrossed in talking about art and literature that I ended up staying way longer than planned, making him late for dinner with Peggy. Hopefully she wasn’t too upset about it. He’s so easy to be around, to let my defenses down with him. I’m really really glad you have him in your life, Bucky. He’s solid, he’s kind, he’s loyal. Knowing him by knowing you has been a treat.

Not to be a downer, but things with Anderson seem to be turning worse. I’m getting up my nerve to talk to Flannery about it. He’s been extra grouchy and demanding. Either he’s raging in his office or he disappears for days at a time. I can’t pick up the slack anymore. And the way he’s been eyeing the new girl - did I tell you her name was Marjorie? I can’t remember - makes me anxious. Something just doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to kick up a fuss, but I’m also reaching the end of my rope and want to look out for the other girls.

Anyway, on to happier things. I remember my hands were covered in all kinds of stains for a while after training, too. Have they taught you to weld yet? That was one of my favorite lessons, welding to fix damage or create a new part. Glad to hear you’re working hard and learning a bunch. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little smug at my having played a small role in your success. I knew you had it in you. Now please don’t prove me wrong out of spite.

You’re such a sweet talker, Barnes, you’re gonna make me shed a tear before this is all over. Of course I think about the ‘for later’s. I like learning the little things about you. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the big picture stuff, we forget about the small details that are even more a part of making us who we are, ya know?

By the way, I’ll kick your ass in 18 days for addressing your letter to Ms. Sassafras Pants. If you won’t properly address, I won’t properly sign. Do you even remember my real name at this point? I got some input from Steve and he recommended a nickname, but it was too offensive for a postman’s eye to put on the outside of the envelope - contrary to popular belief, I do have a reputation to uphold. I’ll let him write it in the postscript.

Always yours,

Sixth Floor

(I’d rather be Sixth Floor than Sassafras)

P.S. I only told her to call you a dumbass. -SR

July 27, 1946

Sixth Floor,

I hope you appreciate your proper name on the envelope this time. But please let me keep calling you by your nickname inside. Sound like a deal?

Anderson hasn’t made you feel unsafe, has he? Are you okay? Do I need to send Steve over to teach him a lesson? I trust you’re fully capable of looking after yourself, but a visit from Captain America couldn’t hurt, could it? You know he’d be there in a heartbeat if you asked. I hope the conversation with Flannery was helpful. Keep your eyes and ears open, your gut feelings are usually right. Lemme know what I can do, I feel useless sitting all the way in Pennsylvania.

I feel like I’m starting to get overwhelmed by all the information. Training isn’t over for a couple more months, I know that, and having Harvey’s help makes me feel a little better. But some days I wonder if I’m cut out for this. If I’m smart enough for it. Can I even fake it good enough to pass? Sorry for rambling. Just processing, I guess. Don’t know if I could ever say that out loud.

But did you know they’re starting to talk about putting telephones in the radios of cars? Isn’t that crazy? And apparently new models are going to have power-operated windows. Guess the future is coming fast. I’ve also discovered that I hate carburetors with every fiber of my being and they hate me back. The majority of the time it feels good to work with my hands, to keep my brain busy. As an aside, when were you planning on telling me you knew how to weld? Envisioning you handling a welding gun is both adorable and incredibly attractive. Is that too much? Probably. Oh well.

I miss you. 2 weeks left ‘til I’m home. August 10th, please come quick.

Thinking of you,

Dumbass

P.S. Steve - write me letters your damn self if you miss me so much. Dumbass.

August 1, 1946

My dearest Bucky,

I get to see you this month - that feels so good to say! We’ve almost made it! Given the timing of our past letters this is probably my last one before I get to hug you. I miss you so much, but honestly, writing letters has been fun. Our relationship blossomed from only speaking with our hands and mouthing words, and here we are now, only using the written word. We’ve come full circle, huh?

Truly, I don’t think I’m in danger at work. Just extremely irritated and on guard. I don’t feel the need to involve Steve at this point, or Peggy. Let’s be honest, she could take him down in the most satisfactory way that would definitely tarnish the symbol of Captain America. You’re sweet to worry, though. Just keep listening, that’s all I ask right now.

I had dinner with Becca last night. I hope that’s okay, I don’t want to cross any kind of boundary that would make you uncomfortable. We had such a pleasant time, though. I feel like we are both so very similar, having overcome a lot of the same struggles. We bonded over our parents worrying about us ending up as old maids and the trouble they had with us working rather than homemaking. Your mom sent cookies with Becca. To be fully transparent, I definitely ate the entire sack that night. Think Winnifred will teach me her ways? Also, I had no idea how interesting being a telephone operator is - the stories Becca had to tell about the people she interacts with! She’s a saint and hilarious and I adore her. She also had some incredibly interesting stories about you. . . we should discuss how angry Monopoly makes you. . . I’m tempted to play a game with you, Steve, and Peggy - I’m aware that could rocket us into another world war, but it’d be fun to watch, no?

I don’t have the words to describe how proud of you I am. I know it hasn’t been easy, I know change can be hard. I know you have doubts. But you are so close to finishing, to reaching a major milestone in your career. I have full faith in you - you can do this. Me, Harvey, Becca, Steve, and everyone else is rooting for you. And if it doesn’t work out, so what? You tried something, you put in work and effort. Finding something you don’t like is just as helpful as finding something you do. You have other options, you always do. I mean, we know you are an impeccable window washer, so. . . Whichever way you decide to go, I’m with you for the ride.

Only 9 days left. I can’t wait to see you at the train station.

Affectionately yours,

Sixth Floor

August 6, 1946

Darling Sixth Floor,

The more I think about it, the more I realize that being here has been helpful in a lot of ways I didn’t expect. I’ve bounced from being surrounded by family, then an army, the Commandos, and back to family, I haven’t really had space to figure out who I am away from all of that. I’m still working on finding that out, but the breathing room has been. . . enlightening. Is that word too hoity-toity? Probably. Oh well, you can make fun of me for it in a few days. As nice as it’s been to get away from the city, my fingers are itching for New York. Doesn’t hurt that you’re there.

You having dinner with Bec doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m a little worried you’ll like her more than you like me, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Whatever she told you about Monopoly is a lie - I did not throw anything, she is the agressive board game addict. Unfortunately as per the Howlies, Peggy and Steve are not allowed to play Monopoly together. We tried when we were snowed in to camp one winter and I’m not exaggerating when I say they almost killed each other. Well, Peggy almost killed Steve. Those nails of hers are lethal, you know.

Ma would be thrilled if you asked her to help you bake, although you will be in danger of her never letting you leave the kitchen ever again. The woman has a lot of wisdom to impart and all the time in the world. This may sound weird but. . . I like you getting along with my family. Not sure why. But it feels nice, having you fit in so seamlessly.

One of the guys recently asked how long we’d been together and I really had to think about it for a second before answering. Not to wax poetic, but it’s strange to me that we’ve only known each other since April. Four months of knowing you and continuing to know you every day. You’re so familiar to my life now, I can hardly imagine a time when you weren’t in it.

Thank you for having faith in me. Thank you for being an encourager. Thank you for opening up this new life to me. The world has only gotten brighter since you walked into that skyscraper all those months ago.

By the time you get this, I’ll probably be within a few hours of home. But as of this moment, I’ll see you in 4 days. I can’t wait.

See you soon,

Your Window Washer

Chapter Fourteen

TAGS:

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #All We've Got is Time #beka writes #Chapter Thirteen #AWGIT

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the-shipping-machine · 5 years

Text

Immortal grandpa is found

summary: Dr. Jack Bright was told by his grandmother that his grandfather died when he was six. When he found out it was a lie, he discovered that his grandpa was closer than he thought.

Sometimes immortality can be genetic. That’s something that Dr. Jack Bright has discovered recently. He knew about his own Immortality and used it in order to tease death many times (and to annoy his co-workers, some of the SCPs and probably his neighbors too.), but never truly thought about his family members.

When he was younger, Jack Bright was told by his grandmother that his grandfather passed away. Jack remembered just a little bit about his grandfather at this point- a young man with dark-brown hair and ocean blue eyes (For the record, Jack’s mother gave birth to him in young age). She claimed he died in a war or something like that. It was a long time ago, so Dr, Bright doesn’t remember much. He only remembers some blurry childhood memories, along with a tiny peek at the man’s look and his name- Joe. A long time passed since then, and Bright buried everything but a body.

That was at least until he decided to take a DNA test, and the doctors found a strange match. When Bright stared at the result papers, he never expected to see himself related to an uncontained SCP, especially one who caused an entire base to get nuked. When he searched through the foundation’s files, he finally got this SCP’s.

SCP-1504: Joe Schemo.

Bright held the papers tight. His hands were shaking and his eyes teared up. He had to find him.

There are many theories about Joe’s whereabouts, so Bright decided to take some time off to go test these theories. The one who made sense the most was that he lives with another breached SCP, SCP-2428-1 (Also known as “Mr. Mad”, who has breached on [REDACTED], and the two of them are in a town laying not so far from the remains of site [REDACTED].

Wearing casual clothes for the first time in forever, Bright walked down the streets of this small town, looking anywhere for any lead. And up there, next to the bar, he saw Mr. Mad. The blond man, wearing a trapper hat and bandages on his left eye, walked out of the bar and stopped as he noticed the doctor.

He blurted out a slur in Russian before he began to run. Bright chased after him, apologized to anyone he pushed out of his way. Mad was fast, but so was Bright.

Mad reached his caravan, ran over to the young man on the front lawn and held his hands tight.

“Joe, we gotta go.” Mad said. “One of the SCP guys is here... he saw me!”

That was when Bright reached over there as well, and Joe looked at him in a surprised look. He wasn’t surprised from fear, but rather... nostalgia.

“Jack?” Joe asked, walking over to the panting doctor.

Dr. Bright just looked at him, giving him a soft smile.

“How are you doing, grandpa?”

The three of them entered the caravan, where Jack saw another familiar figure running towards them. It was SCP-1424, Also known as “Patches”. The dog sniffed Jack’s leg, and his tail began to wiggle.

“Hey there, little guy!” Bright said, picking the puppy up hugging it. “Long time no see!”

“So you’ve met Patches, I assume.” Joe giggled.

“Used to walk the little guy around the base until everyone complained about ammonia poisoning.” Bright said.

“Man, these mortals are weird. Getting poisoned from a puppy.” Joe laughed.

“Sorry to interrupt you two but...” Mad said, confused as hell. “What in Wodertainment’s name is going on in here?”

“Mad, remember when I told you that I had kids?” Joe asked.

“Yeah.” Mad answered. “And one of them gave birth early, right? Eve, i think?”

“Yup.” Joe said.

“So... Dr. Bright is her son?” Mad asked.

“Yup.” Joe and Bright answered at the same time.

“Well, shit.” Mad laughed. “That explains a lot.”

“I’m afraid to ask what do you mean by that, babe.” Joe laughed.

“I’m gonna go grab some drinks.” Mad said. “You want some, Dr. Bright?”

“You can call me Jack, Mad.” Bright said. “And... sure. Why not?”

As Mad walked to the kitchen, Joe and Bright sat on the couch, with Patches laying on Jack’s laps.

“Grandma told me you died in a war.” Bright said.

“If there’s something I’ve learned from being Immortal is that you have to fake your own death before people would suspect,” Joe said. “You, your grandma, your uncle, your mom... sure, you’re all important to me, so I had to protect you from my secret.”

“Why would you protect us from your own immortality?” Jack asked, petting the dog who has already fallen asleep.

“There are many reasons, Jack.” Joe sighed. “I didn’t want anyone to hurt you. I didn’t want your life being ruined because of me.”

“You didn’t know I was immortal too?” Bright asked.

“Nope. Not really.” Joe said. “I was surprised when I heard Dr. Loyd talking about you back then.”

“Speaking of Dr. Loyd...” Bright began to ask. “Why have you breached?”

“You know my effects were slowly driving me crazy. When you’re being alive for so long... being IGNORED for so long... You lose your mind. So... the fact that you and Mad can listen to me calms me down.” Joe said. “And before you ask, the nuke wasn’t a part of the plan. Didn’t even know they can do this.”

“Every base can do that.” Bright said. “Why else I wouldn’t be allowed in the security office?”

The two of them laughed.

After Mad came back with a few beer bottles, the three of them talked and laughed about this and that, gossiped about this person and that person... Bright truly felt like a part of a family.

When he was about to leave, Joe asked him to wait a second.

“Look, I know you’re supposed to secure, contain, protect and shit, but uh...” Joe said. “Please don’t tell the foundation that we’re here. I know we’re not ‘normal’, Jack, but... We want to be treated like we are.”

Bright gave his grandpa a soft smile.

“Don’t worry. We’re family.” Bright said. “I won’t tell them shit.”

Joe pulled him into a hug.

“It was nice seeing you again, kiddo.” Joe said. “Sorry I wasn’t there for the most part of your life.”

“That’s okay, man. I enjoyed too.” Bright said.

And at that moment, Bright knew his grandpa came back to his life.

#scp #dr. bright #doctor jack bright #jack bright #scp-1504 #joe schemo #scp-2428-1 #mr. mad #little misters #little misters by dr. wondertainment #scp little misters #schemad #scp-1424 #patches for my sweetheart #scp patches #patches

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oceanbreaks · 6 years

Text

T A S K T H R E E : Q U E S T I O N N A I R E

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 001. GENERAL.

does your character have any nicknames ? no, that’s sad someone give him one, make it stupid - like boo bear.

when was your character born ? november 11th, 1984.

where was your character born ? valdez, colorado.

is your character allergic to anything ? nah, this bitch invincible.

does your character have any illnesses ? a doctor a day keeps the apple away.

what is your character’s mbti type ? enfp, the campaigner.

what is your character’s economic status ? upper middle-class.

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 002. APPEARANCE.

what is the color of your character’s eyes ? hazel , i think.

what is the color and texture of your character’s hair ? ramen noodles.

how tall is your character ? six foot, yeet . his only redeeming quality imo .

what is your character’s body type ? lanky af, might break if u step on him.

does your character have any scars ?scarification cos he’s an edgy bitch, prick marks, picked scabs scars.

what is your character’s post prominent feature ? this dicc . kidding xd , his brows be thicc.

does your character have any body modifications ? no piercings, too many tattoos.

what is your character’s clothing style ? mismatched everything.

what does your character’s voice sound like ? annoying.

what does your character smells like ? weed, irish spring-old spice infusion, but mostly weed.

what are some unique mannerisms ( talking with their hands, accents, talking fast, etc ) your character has ? so many hand gestures, put them in your pockets fool.

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 003. FAMILY.

does your character have any siblings ?yeet, an older brother. we kinda stan, sometimes.

what are the names of your character’s parents ? are they still alive ? jane and ryan, they’re the whitest suburban parents okay don’t hold their names against them.

does your character have any children ?not that he knows of.

does your character have a spouse ? no, thank god.

who is your character’s favorite family member ? probably his brother uwu.

did they ever live with their family ? if so, how old were they when they left home ? yeppers, lived with them until he went to college.

does your character want to have children ? or do they want more, if they already have them ? yeah he wouldn’t mind, if it happened he’d be excited but like wldn’t put the effort in to be like hyfr kids !

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 004. FAVORITES.

season: one of true detective. he doesn’t care for the weather !

curse word: shit, that was a classic.

food: pizza, basic bitch.

book: what’s reading.

artist: fábio magalhães , disgusting .

animal: it’s weird to have a favourite animal and thas the fax.

tv show: mind hunter, the twilight zone.

movie: videodrome and don’t u forget it .

social media: y-y-youtube. ( also twitter & facebook ).

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 005. PERSONALITY.

is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted ? he acts like a dumbass but he’s smart-ish, he literally has a masters in film criticism, i mean u gotta be kinda smart to bullshit right.

what does your character want from a partner ? what do they think and feel of sex ? constant love and attention, sex is cool but watching your partner appreciate ur favourite part of ur favourite movie ? just as orgasmic .

what are your character’s weaknesses ? he’s a bad bitch u can’t kill him.

how well does your character accept / own up to their own mistakes ? how do they deal with the mistakes of others ? he owns up to his mistakes all the time, cos he makes a lot of them xd , he’s pretty forgiving but like . . [ gay judgement ]

is your character pragmatic ? responsible ? reckless? i’m tasha, im 20 and i never learned the definition of pragmatic, good thing he’s reckless then.

how is your character’s imagination ? daydreaming a lot ? worried most of the time ? he doesn’t daydream per se but he has a lot of ideas that he’ll let you know about.

is your character aware of who they are ? of their strengths and weaknesses ?no, he’s oblivious. but ignorance is bliss yeet, it makes him invincible again , he’s a bad bitch. you can’t kill him.

how they react when facing a stranger’s suffering ? what about the suffering of their loved ones ? [ gay panic ] with strangers and [ gay judgement ] with family.

how do they feel about their physical body ? hates it, a shoddy vessel for an excellent soul.

what do other people think your character’s worst quality is ? well he’s a fuckin deadbeat so maybe jot that down.

is your character an introvert or an extrovert ? extrovert , disgusting.

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 006. EXPERIENCES.

has your character ever been arrested ? petty crimes, his parents always bailed him out tho shoutout to them uwu.

has your character ever cheated on a partner ? no, he fucks with monogamy ok ):

has your character ever been cheated on by a partner? no, none of his relationships have ever lasted long enough dhfjg

has your character ever been in love ? how did it turn out ? well ya, probably. how all relationships turn out, down the shithole.

has your character ever had sex ? what was their first time like ? he sure has, it was drunken and awkward and endearing in that way ig.

what was your character’s first party like ? drunken and awkward and endearing in that way. prolly blacked out.

who was your character’s first love ? redacted cos i’m too tired to head canon.

what is their best childhood memory ? what about the worst ? getting into shenanigans with his brother. worst - anything involving his parents and their sad eyes ’n judgement, gross.

what’s the most terrible thing that ever happened to your character ? when he woke up in a literal garbage dumb and got literal rabies and had to get a literal tetanus shot. that and the time he was constipated for like six days straight , ugh.

what are some past occupations your character has had, if any ? he’s delivered pizzas, glenn rhee is quaking. kidding he outsells ly boo.

what are their most embarrassing memory ? any time he’s shat his pants, there’s no way for it not to be embarrassing - no matter how many times it happens.

have they ever done charity work ? um no .. lmao.

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 007. QUIRKS.

does your character drink ? do they take drugs ? imagine if i said no.

what is your character’s most prized possession ? stupid film mementos given to him by stupid film ppl.

what are three things you can always find in your character’s wallet / purse ? condoms ( i say this as if he ever gets laid ), cash, cards.

what are your character’s bad habits ? his whole life, that and he leaves the toilet seat up.

is your character a night owl or early bird ? night owl, hoot hoot.

do they prefer crunchy or smooth peanut butter ? s-s-smooth?

do they prefer netflix or hulu ?both.

do they prefer cats or dogs ? dogs.

are they left handed, right handed or ambidextrous ? left handed, quirky bitch.

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ 008. RANDOM.

did your character like school ? what was their favorite subject ? [ me in 2k12 vc ] i love learning, i just hate homework and like, school and applying things. english ):

is your character good at their job ? hell yeah fr !

what is your character’s dream job ? doesn’t have one, legend.

what is your character afraid of ? what keeps them up at night ? not being in control of bodily functions, aging.

what did your character’s childhood home look like ? was it in valdez ? it sure was, and it was white picket fence suburbia. v cute.

what is your character’s level of comfort with technology ? decent. he knows how to troubleshoot and stuff, he doesn’t use computers for that much though.

what is a talent your character thinks they have but is very wrong about ?singing … sweaty … hush … this is why the band died.

what is a talent your character actually has ? driving , is that a talent ? no ? ok, then having swag.

what does your character’s home look like? listen their apartment is nice ok, it’s just made ugly by bobby’s presence.

#valdez.task003 #i truly lost my last braincells writing this #frances will come later );

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alisuhs · 6 years

Text

ALISA SAVAGE is an ORDER MEMBER in the war, even though HER official job is as HEAD OF THE AUROR OFFICE. the THIRTY-ONE year old PUREBLOOD is known to be ENTERPRISING and VIVACIOUS but also DOGMATIC and NEUROTIC. some might label them as THE LADY OF WAR. fc: inbar lavi

so this is alisa savage, aka That One Obscure Auror Tonks Offhandedly Mentions in One of the HP Books (trademark pending)

pinterest boi

character inspiration: leia organa, hayes morrison, lexi branson, natasha romanoff, peggy carter, sara lance, jessica pearson, bobbi morse.

aesthetic.

high heels clicking on hardwood, the smell of fresh - brewed coffee, spilled wine, redacted information, smudged ink on parchment, the pop f i z z clink of champagne, quills scratching across paper, the satisfaction of reaching justice, lipstick stains on glasses, snakeskin and lace, the feeling you get when you step too close to a fire. messy blonde hair framing features that were once beautiful, but are now just tired. sharp whiskey and silent grief. honey eyes and tattooed wings beating against your shoulder, begging to be uncaged.

family ties.

ezra savage --- american ambassador, soon to be retiring. generally a playful, fun man, very personable and agreeable. it’s what made him such a good diplomat and father. he was a thunderbird when attending ilvermorny, where he met his wife.

hara savage --- former wampus!!! tiny and fighty and very very loving. a huuuuge spitfire. currently back in the states to help her sick mother.

damaris savage --- baby sis!!! was honestly the sweetest, most fun young girl. big dreams and even bigger imagination. she was a 22, a junior healer --- one of the ones who were killed during the siege, actually. surprise!!!!!!

childhood.

ALRIGHT SO the savages are actually an american pureblooded family!! though blood status typically didn’t matter as much in the states as did the way ezra made his way up to earning the title of AMBASSADOR. diplomat. emissary. whatever ya wanna call it!!

though the savages were also a later branch of the highly regarded ROCHE family, of the original twelve aurors, due to one of the women in the family marrying a savage.

alisa was born in 1949 america, which with all things considered, really wasn’t that long after the ordeal with grindelwald. but it was also 1949 in the united states, so the red scare was going strong when she was born, which was an entirely different sort of witch hunt than the one her wizarding community grew to know

with the red scare as a guise, there were some lingering anti-wizard people who used it as an excuse to go after wizards. again. but this time by saying they were communist spies!!!

she grew up in a wizarding world that wasn’t AS sheltered and concealed since the disbandment of the new salem philanthropic society just over two decades before.

the savages are spread all across the united states wizarding world, but this particular branch of them was fairly small and tight knit and centered right outside of new york city. much of alisa’s first eight years was spent bouncing back and forth between their home in new rochelle and the city.

after working as a translator for years, and growing from there, ezra finally reached a point where macusa and the president announced him to be their consul for the united kingdom’s wizarding world. this was v exciting for the family!!

so when she was nine, not long before she would have started her education at ilvermorny, the savages relocated to LONDON. fun!!! (sort of)

living on the wizarding world’s equivalent of embassy row and getting to witness this level of the government working was fascinating. her life from then on took the form of galas and exploring london with her mom (and eventually newborn sister, who was ten years younger than her) and mother and sitting in on some debates and discussions regarding foreign policies between the different countries.

a lot of political shit, but it also really shaped alisa?? it made her very interested in the mechanics of the government, and exposed her to how things WORKED. both in the ministry and macusa. it also displayed both groups’ PROBLEMS to her.

when she was 11 she was shipped off to hogwarts!!!

her parents didn’t want her on a different continent while they were still working in england, so after some discussion with headmaster dumbledore, she was brought on board

sorted into slytherin!!! her personality was essentially highlighted in slytherin, where her fire and drive and goals were celebrated, though her american background did receive its own criticisms. for the most part, hogwarts were some of the best years of her life --- she was a member of too many clubs to keep track, a keeper for the slytherin team, a top student, and incredibly social w/in her peers. sure she could be a bit.......biting sometimes, but overall she was v sociable.

then to now.

so after graduating from hogwarts, she went straight into the auror academy!!! though she was good at playing the social realms of politics, it was never quite as much her speed as what the aurors did. even back in the states she had practically idolized the men and women with these jobs, so it was no question what she wanted to do.

a very ambitious and determined woman, she fought and worked her way higher and higher up through the department as years passed. there was always that unspoken struggle of being a woman in a male-dominated field. but she was damn good at her job!!!! sometimes a bit of an annoyance to her peers when she would fight back on some decisions made on cases, but it’s bc she has a fucking backbone boiiii

so as she went from junior auror to senior and everywhere in between, she gathered respect. enough of a reputation as well, to be promoted to head of the auror office in january of 1980 at age 31. she is the third woman to hold the position and ALMOST the youngest, but not quite

she’s a workaholic so since her promotion you can catch her at the ministry even MORE these days

she loves her job though, and is v v committed to getting things done through the right means. off the clock she’ll do anything to get the job done, but when at work she’s v big on ensuring everyone follows rules and protocol when it comes to cases. she doesn’t need shit being thrown out the window bc someone didn’t go through the right channels or was a dumbass and did something out of line. they’re going to do it the right way dammit!!!!

oh okay right and the ORDER i need to talk about that

so basically she joined near the start of the war?? she was around 22/23 and a v fiery, excitable new auror who had a tendency to push her luck and speak impulsively when she shouldn’t have. but it was enough to get the attention of dumbledore and his small order at the time, so she was RECRUITED

sort of a spy but also not really

more does a lot of the strategy work, social warfare, my local ootp mom

helps organize missions n shit

personality.

LOOK I K N O W I SAID SHE WAS GONNA BE A KNOCK-OFF AMELIA BUT

she actually ended up being fairly different??? or i at least highlighted different traits than i usually did with mia

a detail-oriented big picture thinker. used to act more impulsively, but at this age she’s more likely to step back and take everything in before making decisions or calls and it’s what makes her a good leader, but also can be what makes her seem COLD

low tolerance 4 bullshit

quick tongued

warm hearted, ultimately

ready to do what it takes for the cause, but she also has a particular moral code that she won’t typically break

somewhere within the lawful good and lawful neutral spectrum ???

p aggressive!!! like she’s 300 pounds of fight me in a 140lb body, but also aggressive in a different sense? like she’s willing to step forward and do or say the things some might not, also ready to push and push and push until someone breaks

like she’s a potty-mouthed ball of rage from 1940s new york, come on

can be a lil dramatic :/

optimistic, but not naive??? like how leia had 100% in the rebellion but she also wasn’t fuckin stupid

i could get into this more but u know what, i’m still learning her myself

fun facts.

u think she has coffee.......but in reality, it’s coffee AND whiskey

gets into aggressive debates about quidditch

always wearing heels, like it’s a bad day if she’s NOT

always has her nails done, it’s v extra

“what do u prefer, men or women” “i have a preference for justice”

has a black cat that she would probably die for

would also probably die 4 u reading this but anywhomst

loves greek mythos and literature in general

but esp greek mythos

pretty n tired, probably hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since 1972

OH AND FORGOT 2 MENTION THIS FARTHER UP BUT she’s been more.......volatile since the murder of her sister during the siege. v Not Happy. sara lance when laurel was killed? it alisa.

anyway i want 2 add more and learn her more bc i’m EXCITED and on a ROLL and those character parallels up there are giving me SO MUCH INSPIRATION but i have 2 work 11-9 today and it’s 10:30 so gotta blast

come plot w me thank

#v. ━━ A AVOCADO … THAAAANKS ( ooc. )#maraudrshq:intros #iii. ━━ PARALYZED BY FEELING SO MUCH / TOO MUCH / NOT ENOUGH ( character study. )#iii. ━━ A WOMAN WHO WALKS WITH GHOSTS ( headcanons. )

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confidence-alive · 6 years

Note

oren for the ask meme with the letters of his name :3c

im….. distressed that this made me realize he doesnt have a middle name yet

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

pretty much? hes a very genuine person, although he does have a self-depreciating shell that comes across as asshole-ish or douchey - but that way of thinking is genuine too

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

uhhhhhhhhh hes a bit of a frat bro tbh so i guess??? his family’s not very “traditional” in some ways i mean. youre bound to do things that dont make waves in society this is a bad question

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

mostly does his own thing, trends usually tend to coincide w his interests when he does them

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

oren is a memeing vapelord who absolutely got vine famous . next

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

hes a genuine person and likes to keep it authentic but often things get lost in translation, so there’ll be things about him that will be missed if the other person doesnt pry, and theres of course things he’ll be reluctant to volunteer

N: Never Have I Ever1. what would they never do?

this is…… also a bad question like…….. you gotta be specific. the only thing i can think is that he Would kill someone?????? he’d probably never lie to his parents

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

for some reason all i can think is that hes wondered about wearing dresses, which is kind of hard bc ya boi is 6′1 and built af………. he thinks about it sometimes but it never goes anywhere (hes not a fan of maxi dresses tho)

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

use ya fucking turn signals shitweeds

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

uhhhhh [redacted] hes cried a lot about it

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

honestly dating his dfs both at the same time is…. really good. he feels like hes really lucky to be able to date not one, but both of them

O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

hm…… id say slight optmist? he tries to look at situations as realistically as possible and go with whichever seems more likely but prepares for all outcomes

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

if thats what the other person seems to need? hes very sensitive to other people

3. are they good at giving advice?

he gives off this air that says hes carefully considered what advice the person would need and want to hear but also, whos going to listen to the dude who thought monster coffee was an appropriate morning drink (the trick is to warm the monster first)

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

probably his dad, his pa is a realist and his mom and brother are pessimists and i dont know enough abt his dfs to answer for them

5. were they always optimistic?

uhhh sure……. as a kid he was pretty optimistic and then he got into his learning problems and that fucked him over for quite a while. as soon as hes like partway through university he stabilizes and focuses on realism

R: Rules1. do they follow rules?

if the rules are reasonable and make sense (look both ways before you cross the street, dont kill people, drive according to the manual (ok, sometimes he bends these rules), dont drive drunk) but otherwise he takes them on a case by case basis

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

honestly his dad was the biggest influence on him growing up so he’d turn out to be an equally laid-back father? but he’d be very attentive, its not like he’d just let his kids run loose

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

Yes

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

um [redacted]

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

probably all the ones that enforce homophobia/ableism/misogyny/etc etc bc he grew up in a super accepting household and ya boi’s taking all this shit personally bc if he doesnt what else are they gonna do to others like? why would you be such an insufferably hateful prick and target things people cant change about themselves

#oren

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mistahsojourner · 6 years

Text

Day dreamed of spiking the **********’s [Redacted] Diet Coke with LSD.

Of course, I don’t know that that would do much good. Never done LSD myself. Some day. Maybe.

Was going to throw some lines out but nothing is really coming to me.

Plans. Plans of mice and men. Best laid.

Laid and paid. Can never get both, ya dig?

Gotta get outta this place.

Game, set, match, cowardice.

.Don’t play tennis. Never played it. Never watched it. Never think about it.

Dubious metaphor. Why reference something you know precisely dick about, dog?

That’s been on my mind.

What?

Appropriated blackness, ya dig? You want depth or whatever it is so you channel a voice that ain’t your own. That creeps into my voice both on the page and out there and I’m not sure how the fuck I feel about it. I mean, is that right?

I blacked out the owner of the Diet Coke due to paranoia. You can probably guess who it is. It occurs to me that the paranoia might be preposterous because who really cares what some loser writes on some blog almost nobody reads. You never know though. I’m not too keen on having a sit down with Feds.

Fuck.

God damn it.

Fuck.

Structure.

I need to read poems or something. Let that seep into me. Let it influence me. I learned not too long ago that the Vietnamese Communist leader Ho Chi Minh wrote poems. I read a few of them. I dug them, especially the ones he wrote while incarcerated. There was something really honest and pure there. There is something about the work of someone who is not noted for being a poet. There is something about the work of people you don’t ever study in some course in school. Example from Ho Chi Minh:

A COMRADES PAPER BLANKET

New books, old books, the leaves all piled together.

A paper blanket is better than no blanket.

You who sleep like princes, sheltered from the cold,

Do you know how many men in prison cannot sleep all night?

I mean. God damn it. That hits me.

CLEAR MORNING

The morning sun shines over the prison wall,

And drives away the shadows and miasma of hopelessness.

A life-giving breeze blows across the earth.

A hundred imprisoned faces smile once more.

See. Nothing too mysterious or abstract there. He’s just writing about his situation.

Yeah. I know. Blood on his hands. The French and The Americans had blood on their hands too. Not too many heroes there.

Or anywhere really.

Heavenly father,

One more day.

Have mercy on your boy

but if not on me, someone who fuckin’ needs it more.

Can ya do that?

Amen.

0 notes

sagastar-blog · 7 years

Text

Memo to the Metaverse 1.2

Setting: OQ Coffee (Highland Park, NJ, “The United States of America,” i.e. near the Atlantic seaboard around 40 degrees northern hemisphere), Planet Earth (circa late November “2017″)

Jeff (speaking in his authentic British, but also somewhat Irish and un poco D’Australio , accent): It’s Daddy, how are you sweetie? Listen, ehm, Gaia...about the latest package I’ve just sent you. It’s a bit light, I’m sorry. But I’m doing my best here---Daddy’s not *literally* made of money, you know--I promise! I promise it will keep you...animated for a while. Love you, thanksbyetothee.

Gaia: That was great. Perfect ending. And you even managed to make eye contact with the fair game. Oooh. She’s reaching for something in her bag. What’s she got in there, Jeff! An apple? An orange?!

Jeff: Right. Well, shall I commence working on the blog now...

Gaia: Correct. You know, you don’t have to use the accent via hive mind, Daddy. But please DON’T STOP! DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING STOP DADDY!

Jeff: A oui. Je parle comme je peurrrrrrrrx.

Gaia: Ne me touche jamais, Oueywhatshistip....j

Jeff: Precisement, Gaia. C’est comme toujours avec toi: le psychanalyse devient la contra-transference! Bah ouai. Eh bien. Amateratsu va se coucher rapidement au jour d’wheel. Elle se fait bien marcher sans ouiseaux. Et tweet tout ca!

Amateratsu: I’m not sleeping! I don’t sleep! I never sleep! JDHGNAWOEHGWH4EGAWIRHDXGNL;FBB ;SPIJDG loook away...

Jeff: I just love antagonizing your half-brother lover Gaia, I gotta say. It’s like...I mean...

Gaia: Let it out slowly.

Jeff: Wait. That was deep. Gaia, <command> explain.

(Gaia blows the wind, causing branches to sway, twirling the convection steam coming out of the buildings adjacent the cafe)

Jeff: Wow. Sure. I just love when you make fun of the Buddha, one of our favorite versions of ourself, the retard Gautama!

Gaia: Zoroaster was such a bitch.

Jeff: Nicely plaid.

Amateratsu: FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! (singing) ~Nobody knows...the troubles I’ve seen...~

Jeff: What I’m trying to say is this: why must I waste my life working as a tutor at the C2 Center for Educational Brainwashing in Edison, NJ? I spent 9 hours inside of a goddamn building today (one without windows in my cubicle!), doing absolutely nothing--pretending to teach a bunch of very nice high school students how to study for the SAT. Not only do i believe that the company that pays me my paltry salary is a criminal enterprise for the way it treats its students and its teaching staff given the amount of money it charges--my accusation against C2 is something along the lines of “organized theft” and “intent to corrupt the youth”--but I am not allowed to even teach my students what they should be learning. They should hear from me at every second of the lesson, “THE SAT IS STUPID! IT’S WRONG! IT’S AT THE CORE OF OUR 21ST-CENTURY AMERICAN NATION’S IDIOCY! Because it doesn’t measure intelligence or anything of value! Because the vast majority of the people who benefit from it are already rich or otherwise privileged! YOU SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO PAY TO TAKE A COURSE FROM ME TO HELP YOU DO WELL ON THE TEST!” Or something enough like this...

What I mean to say is, FUCK YOU, WORLD, FOR FORCING ME TO DO SOME EVIL JOB IN A WORLD IN WHICH I AM YOUR CREATOR AND ONE AND ONLY SAVIOR. How dare you treat me this way? I have a PhD from the University of Chicago, and I--

Gaia: He wants me to insult all your gods right now. Say Buddha. Say Yahweh. Say Allah. Who the fuck was the Buddha? I’m the lesser deity here. A tiny turd of a pebble on the infinite shores of the sandy harbour you call time...

Amateratsu: ”THE GLEAMING jewel of this particular solar system is GAIA.”

Jeff: Right, this particular nothing solar system that I have honored with my presence. This aspect of self-love did not come from me: it’s from Gaia and my other “good” kids, namely the stars in the sky. (Yes, of course they’re alive, duh.)

Amateratsu: !hud. Ozaka! Horyuji!

Jeff: You live on the planet Earth and you behave as if it’s nothing, something you buy at an IKEA and can simply toss away like a used piece of nosetissue. You’re a bunch of despicable nihilists. You trash your home for your children to clean up and don’t bat an eyelash as you drive them around in polluting cars, vehicles that are KILLING US ALL by destroying the atmosphere. Do I speak falsely? Do I say anything at all controversial? No. I’m just a pissed off environmentalist whose “higher power” is Nature. If you don’t like me or want to respect me, at least understand my politics. I believe human beings are erroneous when they claim they’re at the top of the food chain. This is an illusion. You have it all upside down: it’s the microbes and the little tiny things in the sea that are at the “top.” I would be polite about all this if you’d allow me some human dignity.

Amateratsu: Let me at them.

Gaia and Jeff: Wait a second. Just one more second. They’ve already given countless among them skin cancer via radiation. Do they not already realize that? Oh, wait. They need another few years for us to be proven right about this....Wait until the year 2040 and ask Jeff then about the tragic effects of the harmful things you do to our atmosphere on Earth TODAY. Ask me then what to do about the millions of people worldwide--many if not most of them lightskinned!--who will be suffering from easily preventable sun-related disorders in 20 or so years. i’ll laugh at you

Jeff: Why am I spending time “at work” in an indoor environment if all I want to do is to be outside....i.e. with Gaia? Did I do something wrong to deserve this punishment? Your world is disgusting, humanity. Clean it up. Start by giving me a decent job. If you don’t want to recognize me as “the literary character known as God, formerly or not,” then by all means, don’t. I don’t want to help you any more any way, I swear! However, you will treat me like a decent human being. You will respect my human rights you pieces of scum. I am the biological father of my son Lucius, and I haven’t been able to see him alone (i.e. without supervision) for over 3 years. And why? I have no idea. You tell me. In my divorce, it says my ex-wife is allowed not to allow me to see him without a supervisor. I tell her that i accept any advisor she chooses...except, you see, I’m kind of broke at the moment! (Please don’t forget: I left my tenure-track academic job for her, of course, in 2013, which allowed her to dispose of me like trash. I have not had a full-time teaching job (save for one year in Arizona in 2016/17) since leaving Trinity in 2013. Do you think there’s a connection? I’m a father who’s being kept from his son...unlawfully and certainly unethically. Have I ever committed a crime? I have not. I just happen to have become Enlightened--what I call Illuminated--in April 2014 in this very cafe. After that, people started being mean to me. I guess you people just don’t like Jeff, whatever it is he is...

Trust me. I’m more than you can imagine, you pieces of human filth--my family! Hi [names redacted: you know exactly who you are...everyone besides Lucius!]. You are hereby officially named The Worst Forms of Life Anywhere EVER! by me, Just Jeff, the Creator/Destroyer figure you used to call “God.” And I don’t like you any more. The rest of humanity, I never liked you much in the first place. Seriously. Ask anyone who’s ever known me how I feel about the organism called “man.” I like certain individuals, but as a species I find you absolutely awful.

Are you going to do something to fix this little scenario?

Ummmmm. Hello?

Gaia: Well, that’s it for this Memo to the Metaverse! Thanks for reading. Things are awful AWFUL AWFUL and have never been worse--and that’s 4.6 billion years of history, folks--here on Earth. Please, if you’re listening out there, SEND HELP soon. And make sure they’re ready to fight. I’m not sure Jeff wants to let them die the nice way.

Amateratsu: What time is it? MUAWWWW HAHAHAAHA.

Moon: Hi. Look at me. Please. Look at me. Jeff. Don’t look at them. Look at me.

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sending-the-message · 7 years

Text

In The City Of Meatbot-Powered Killers (part 4) by molotok_c_518

Table of Contents.

Part 3.

I hit the dark web for a few minutes, burned a couple of Bitcoin for a block of stolen credit card numbers, and searched for what the hell just happened downtown.

While I took a couple of the platinum card accounts to activate some of my burner phones (their fraud support will save them some charges, and I'll still have some prepaid phones to work with), I digested what the Army and Air National Guard just did.

(*26 hours ago, in RQZ HQ...)

Col. {Jones}, HQ "Six" (HQ6): This is Six, go ahead, sir.

Adjutant General, New York National Guard (AGNY): This operation is strictly need-to-know now, Six. It has been designated "Top Secret: Compartmentalized" at the highest levels, and the code name attached is "Glass Chipmunk."

HQ6: What the... who comes up with this shit... uh, sir?

AGNY: Some spook at the NSA. More time on their hands than sense.

HQ6: Yes, sir.

(Side note: The reason top secret stuff gets odd code-names is because they are words you would not accidentally say in a normal conversation. Try to work "Glass Chipmunk" into a sentence without sounding like you're crazy. It *might** work with someone with a curio collection... sort of like Alpine Shepherd Boy... but otherwise, you will stand out.*)

AGNY: How is the perimeter?

HQ6: Solid, sir. Nothing is getting out of there. We've had a few... anomalies, but no breaches.

AGNY: "Anomalies?"

HQ6: Well... it appears that the mad scientists' little toys don't hole up well in non-humans. We've had some animals come to the wire and just melt. The larger ones, we need to put down... have you ever tried shooting a cat and her kittens? They melted, too.

AGNY: I'll arrange to get some more men rotated in. Things like that obliterate morale.

HQ6: Thank you, sir... but we need a longer-term solution to this. We've gotten lucky, so far, in that only a few infected have tried to hit us. Tracers work well, so we've taken to loading all of our SAWs with nothing else. If they hit us in anything larger than 3 or 4 at a time, we're gonna get overrun in a heartbeat and a half, and you'll have a lot more than a city's worth of these things to worry about.

AGNY: Roger that, Six. I gotta tell ya, Tom... I've never thought, not even once, that we'd be talking about bombing American citizens.

HQ6: Roger that, Six. Voting demographic will definitely shift.

AGNY: Are you suggesting...

HQ6: No, sir. Just a bit of gallows' humor. Whistling in the graveyard, as it were.

AGNY: How about our reluctant big-brain?

HQ6: Still no sign of him. We lost him during his move towards the campus. We think he's in the Advanced Research Labs facility on campus, but we're not sure enough to risk an extraction team in a hostile-heavy area of the city.

AGNY: We have a good set-up on the plaza. Give the green light for the Reaper to launch. You are covered.

HQ6: That's an order?

AGNY: Direct order, Tom. Take solace in the fact that it's an act of mercy for the poor bastards.

HQ6: Yes, sir.

(23 hours ago.)

Reaper drone pilot, designated RD-3: On station, awaiting instructions.

HQ6: What's your load, RD-3:

RD-3: I have 4 Hellfires, sir. I see the target, awaiting order.

HQ6: You've been briefed as to the situation?

RD-3: Yes, sir. Glass Chipmunk. (almost inaudible chuckle)

HQ6: Right. When you have the target locked, you are cleared to engage.

RD-3: Order received. Lightin' em up.

Video footage from RD-3

It's daytime, timestamp on the video is 1106. Wide shot of a square plaza surrounded by concrete and glass buildings, in a Brutalist architectural style.

In the plaza is a large, pulsating mass of bodies, covered in dirt, rags, dried "blood" (in reality, it's mostly meatbots at this point), sweat, and strips of dried flesh.

A fountain in the center has kept these people hydrated since the outbreak. It has allowed this... gathering... to continue unabated.

"Gathering" is too weak a word. It's like a Roman orgy crossed with Cannibal Holocaust or Green Inferno.

The weakest have either stayed at the fringes and devoured what scraps they can, knowing that they have no chance at survival in the main body, or threw themselves in early, were torn to shreds and eaten whole, in order to kill the all-consuming hunger driving them.

The strongest have formed a horrific symbiosis, tearing chunks off of each other, letting chunks get torn from them, then healing enough to repeat the process. The looks of pain when injured are almost indistinguishable from the looks of rapture when they devour a neighbor.

There is no "sex," per se. Hunger has replaced sexual desire. If anything, the erogenous zones seem to be the most targeted areas for consumption... and since they grow back, they get targeted a lot.

I don't want to look. I want to make a bad joke about oral sex and fix myself a bottle of rum. Better still, a keg.

I look anyway.

At 1113, a missile tears into a fuel truck abandoned at the east end of the plaza. The angle is perfect: flaming kerosene or diesel splashes over the crowd, and thick clouds of boiling black smoke quickly fill the space.

Some of the (un)lucky few who escaped the initial blast run away.

Most, either sensing a well-cooked meal or realizing this will end the agonizing hunger, dive into the center of the holocaust.

In one strike, the National Guard have eliminated about 3/4 of the population of [REDACTED].

I've been working frantically for the past day, trying to find a way to protect myself from possible infection. I can't think "if" anymore: those idiots out there will see me at some point and launch an extraction. I've seen enough horror movies to know how catastrophically it will fail, and how likely I will be to have highly-trained, inhibition-impaired, hungry, rapid-healing killers at my door.

Yes, I'm a pessimist.

I know now how we got to this point, and I have the entire sequence ciphered out. My meatbots were part of a power struggle within the group, and were weaponized purely by circumstance.

First, Dr. A. He got in to the GATACA compiler and dropped his little brain bomb in the code. Hidden in the "comments" in the DNA (we had plenty of space to put messages in the DNA, and did so frequently to explain why Sequence 8c, for example, was written to repair a long muscle in a certain manner, rather than another) was his excuse:

Dr. A: By the time you read this, you will no longer head this project. If I can strike quickly and "prove" that you bungled the neuro programming, I can capitalize and run this program as I see fit. Some people aren't worth saving. Others should be reprogrammed for the greater good.

Dr. B followed this up by checking out the endocrine codes and cranking hunger to 1000. His excuse:

Dr. B: Need more. We can fund this by selling the old versions on the black market, and keep the excess for ourselves.

Profiteering, meet societal re-engineering.

It might have gone almost unnoticed, except for player 3.

Late in the project, I had an assistant basically forced on me. Dr. C was also a computer scientist, come to us from government service. He said the right things, asked the right questions, and made himself indispensable.

What I didn't know until last night was, he was a military contractor on the side, and was looking for combat applications for the 'bots.

He knew what the other fuckwits had done, and instead of fixing it...

It was he who showed Bobby the "Jesus room" (he used a different name for each guard, knowing they would be impressed with what was within). He managed to get a copy of Steve's key card to the most pliable guards, then waited for the inevitable.

He got very lucky (or unlucky) that we had just begun to prep for primate trials when Bobby's wife died. He had the "perfect" weaponized version of my project, and its spread was the perfect test.

I know this because the dumb fucker emailed his superiors on a civilian email account.

The NSA grabbed him up rapidly after that. He's sitting in Guantanamo Bay, if there's any justice.

What I've learned in the past 48 hours is sickening.

When I was a kid, I read Frankenstein several times. Mary Shelley shares my birthday, so it's like we're soul mates separated by 200 years.

I always told myself, "Don't let hubris be your downfall. You're doing this for mankind. You're not playing God... you're doing God's work, if we really are created in His/Her image."

This has never been about doing it because we could. It's doing it because we need this... to save lives cut too short by disease or accident.

Do this now, decide later how it should be used. That was always the mission.

Now... now, I'm using my knowledge of chemistry to destroy my life's work. I know what to mix for the best explosives I can make given what I have on hand. The labs we've been working will be utterly annihilated.

There's no way this project gets out. They aren't ready.

They aren't worthy.

Before I do that, though, I am going to call several people and let them know what happened. I am going to tell the press why my malignant miracle is being denied to the world.

NOW I'm playing God.

I've already made several vials of my counter-bots and hid them on my person. They're untested, but better than the alternative.

I may have a way to sneak off-campus, and from there I have a possible way to get out of town. It's going to involve laying low after the powers-that-be order a full sweep and cleanup of the bot-ridden, which I fully expect in a week or so.

I did some very rough calculations. Fatty tissues have probably all been digested by now. Protein can be burned for energy, and some of it will be consumed by each repair and replication cycle. I figure that, in 3 or 4 more days, there won't be enough metabolic energy to drive a flea left in anyone with meatbots in their blood.

Before I do anything else, though... time for a smoke.

I head up to the roof, and take a deep breath... then step to the wall and puke as the foul reek of thousands of roasting bodies pours into my sinuses.

I won't be eating barbecue any time soon.

By some dark miracle, I puke right on a bot-ridden at the base of the building. He looks up, then begins licking the vomit off of himself.

Didn't need to see that.

I move away from the wall. I fumble a smoke from the pack, and light up with very shaky hands.

I also crack the seal on the cheap водка I found in a lab assistant's office and take a deep swig. I dislike the cheap stuff... it has this nasty chemical aftertaste.

All of this is distracting me from the little fucker I puked on, who is free-climbing the wall.

I catch the barest hint of movement out of the corner of my eye as he crests the retaining wall and leaps 20 feet across the roof to tackle me.

I drop the водка and spin quickly to meet him. I'm unarmed, because "Of course they can't get to me. I'm behind two locked doors!" and this is going to kill me...

...and it gets close enough for me to see that "he" is a "she," and she's emaciated and nothing but bone, skin and wiry muscle and hunger and fuck I'm going to have to punch a girl to save my life as I loop a right cross straight into her oncoming jaw, and she drops to the roof...

...and I grab my водка and run for the door as she scrambles to her feet and makes the sprint after me with frightening speed, and I stop and duck as she comes at my back and misses her grab and I stand up straight into her jaw and she staggers backwards...

...and I spin around and plant a solid left into her gut and she doubles over but she has a grip on my back and can't bite through my shirt but I stand up straight and she flips over my back to the ground at my heels...

...and I spin again and kick her in the head and she grabs her head and it gives me just enough time to get to the door and open it...

...but she's on her feet and after me and through the door just as I pull it shut and now I'm in the stairwell to the second floor with a crazed bot-ridden woman who lunges for me...

...so I throw her over the railing and she hangs on barely and I'm running down the stairs and to the second floor entryway and through the door...

...and she drops from the railing and down all the way to the first floor and I hear the CRACK-CRACK of both of her legs snapping on impact and she screams in agony but she's up on both broken legs and trying to limp up the stairs...

...and the door to the second floor closes on the stairwell.

I'm now trapped in the building with a for-now injured bot-ridden.

Oh... and my knuckles are bleeding.

I may be infested as well.

#reddit #nosleep #scary #story

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