#gotta gird my loins for this

[necromycologist]

they should invent a me that isnt an Injured Animal Flare to popular cis girls

[princesssarcastia]

stuck in a rut where my ability to plan a story is far outstripping my ability to write a story. grr and argh and fuck, goddammit.

[blackdogswims]

Trying to stuff the kitties in a barrel. The kitties are my feelings the barrel is the oubliette

[tothosewholisten]

Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 04

<<previous chapter | next chapter>>

Masterlist:

…

NOVEMBER 11, 2002

Two months flew by since I was first brought here and I started to form bonds with my supposed siblings, even if they would never truly be that to me. Klaus was the first person to talk to me, to ever make me feel like part of the group. Then came Ben because well he always came with Klaus. Then slowly everyone else. I'd call some of them my friends.

But dinner at the academy was one of those times when I felt most anxious. It wasn’t the fact that we were having “family meals” something that I never had growing up with a drunk and a scared woman. It was the fact that I had to be near Reginald, and everyone else without being allowed to leave.

He had made sure to catch up on the twelve years of training I missed, and it made my life a living hell. I missed the fun of childhood because of training, lessons with him and missions and I'd always ache from the torments of the day.

Meals were supposed to be a time to relax and chat with family but he once again made sure to take the fun out of that too.

I was upstairs when I heard the record player start, meaning that dinner was happening soon. Grace always turned it on at the same time. The record I've heard time and time again has been engraved in my mind. By seventeen I could repeat the whole thing by memory alone.

“During extreme weather conditions, a climber must possess the wisdom to determine when evacuation is inevitable.”

Grace rang a small bell which was the sign for us to rush downstairs. We ran down the main staircase single file as always and flooded into the dining room where dinner was waiting.

“A controlled alpine descent begins with the girding of one’s loins and the anchoring of the climbing rope to one's enemy, the mountain.”

Instead of sitting down and eating we were forced to stand behind our chairs and wait for the guest of honor to make his way down to the table. No matter how hungry we were.

The wood table had 10 chairs and a plethora of food on each plate. I still don’t understand the seating arrangements since it wasn't in number order. It was me, Luther, Diego and Five on the left. Alison, Klaus and Ben are on the right. Vanya in the middle stared directly at where Reginald would be sitting if he graced us with his presence.

I gotta hand it to her, looking into his eyes while eating seemed very scary. I should also know because I was the closest to him since he left a chair between him and Alison on the other side.

We waited there for him behind our chairs, as I distracted myself from the gross food on my plate. I was a very picky eater at the time, but there was no second option made for me. I remember Reginald telling me once, eat it or don’t eat at all. I took the second option.

Grace stood at the front of the archway waiting for the old man. After a minute he finally came down.

“The Dülfersitz rappel is the preferred method for descent when rope is the only available tool, but must be regarded as a last resort. Begin by looping the rope..”

He pushed out his seat and looked up at all of us and then Vanya at the other head of the table. “Sit” he commanded us.

We all graciously took our seats and everyone started to eat but me who poked at my food. I didn't like some of the slop made, but it wasn’t Grace's fault at all, I just missed my mom and the cultural foods she would make at home. But I doubt she missed me. I was given a look of concern by Luther, we weren't the closet but we did have our moments being Number One and Number Zero. I gave him a shake of the head which meant that I was fine not eating and continued to pick.

“A screen anchor must be used if the rope is to be successfully retrieved from the mountain. Tightly knot the ends of the rope. Once anchored, thread the double rope through the legs, front to back, and around the buttocks.”

But I wasn't the only person not eating. I looked up to see a few others doing more peculiar things than I was. Diego had one of his knives and was carving something into the table. And Klaus only at thirteen years old was rolling a blunt, to the side hoping nobody would notice. And Ben had a book in his right hand, reading away even though I'm sure that isn’t allowed.

I thought that this night was going to be like any other and suddenly I couldn’t wait to grow up. I didn't know it then but that wasn't true at all.

“It is of utmost importance that the rope be drawn under the gluteal muscles, not through the crevice between the gluteus.”

At first, I thought Five was staring at me but no he was staring hard at Reginald who didn't seem to notice. Just sipping his wine. Vanya looked at the thinking Five not sure what to make of his expression.

“Proceed by holding the rope diagonally-”

Five interrupts the background noise by sticking his knife directly into the wooden table. The children all look up from their plates at him, and so does Reginald.

“Number Five?” He bellows out.

“I have a question.” Five grit his teeth after taking the knife out.

“Knowledge is an admirable goal, but you know the rules. Not talking during mealtimes.” I noticed Grace standing behind him as he went on. “You are interrupting Herr Carlson.”

Five pushes his plate out of his way, it slams into the center of the table. I had no idea why he was so upset at the time and only knowing him for such as short time didn't help either.

“I want to time travel,” he says.

“No.”

“But I'm ready.” Five backs out of his chair. “I’ve been practicing my spatial jumps, just like you said.” He blinks next to Reginald on the other side of me to prove his point.

“See?”

Reginald puts down his fork, “A spatial jump is trivial when compared with the unknowns of time travel. One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn.”

I could almost fall asleep at his words. He talked so monotone and slowly I don’t know why he wasn't talking instead of Herr Carlson.

“Well, I don’t get it.”

“Hence the reason why you’re not ready.” Everyone eats like they aren’t listening to this conversation except Vanya who shakes her head and mouths no at the almost twitching with anger Five. He looks at her and then back at him.

“I'm not afraid.”

“Fear isn’t the issue. The effects it might have on your body, even on your mind are far too unpredictable.” Reginald claims, going back to his food before dropping his utensils to give Five a look. “Now, I forbid you to talk about this anymore.”

As Reginald returns to eating again, Five storms out of the dining room pissed off. “Number Five! You haven’t been excused!”

We all looked worried, where was he going? By the looks of it not back to his room. And by the sound of the front door opening and shutting I knew where he was going.

“Come back here!” Reginald yelled.

The look on Vanya's face was heartbreaking. I could tell she wanted to go after him but was afraid of getting yelled at too. I on the other hand didn't know what reaction to have, he was nice to me, we shared a few conversations but seeing him leave didn't have the emotional weight to it as if I had been here all my life. But nobody knew that was the last time they were ever going to see Number Five ever again.

Well until now.

..

PRESENT DAY

“I survived on scraps. Canned foods, cockroaches, anything I could find.” Five tells us.

Vanya and I sit around him, trying to grasp the insane fact that the world is going to end. At times like this, I think of all the times people theorized the world ending at any time and then going out the next day confused but to have someone actually see it happen was a whole other thing. I didn't know what to do or how to prepare. Only having eight days to get my shit in order.

No one but us knew about this which made it even worse to think about..

“You know that rumor that Twinkies have an endless shelf life?” Five chuckles which I didn't think he could do. “Well, it's total bullshit.” Well, there goes my theory.

“I can’t even imagine,” says Vanya. One out of the two taking things more seriously.

“You do what it takes to survive, or you die. So we adapted. Whatever the world threw at us, we found a way to overcome it.”

“I'm sorry, who is this we that you keep bringing up?” I questioned. Just like Vanya was earlier, I was ignored by Five.

“You got anything stronger?” Five asked.

Vanya dumps out his coffee and pours in some whiskey instead. Five is handed the cup happily and takes a big gulp. We all stand up now near her kitchen, Vanya gives him an eye-opening look as I look at my feet still questioning the fact that we are all going to die even though I have a healing factor.

“You think I'm crazy.” He frowns.

Vanya stammers, “no it's just.. it's a lot to take in.”

“Exactly what don’t you understand?” Five whines.

“Well I wouldn't say I don't understand.” I put in, “It's just a crazy claim that all of us are dead in eight days, Five.”

But Vanya asks a question. “Why didn't you just time travel back?” Which I also wondered.

But Five scoffs at us. “Gee, wish I'd thought of that,” he says sarcastically to our statements. “Time travel is a crapshoot. I went into the ice and never acorn-ed.” He quoted what Reginald said years ago.

“You think I didn't try everything to get back to my family?” The sadness suddenly kicks in and I feel bad for the kid. Man..?

“If you grew old in the apocalypse, how come you're still a kid?” I tilt my head.

He scoffs again, strutting away from us to get more whiskey off the kitchen island. “I told you already. I must have gotten the equations wrong.”

Vanya goes on as he pours. “I mean, Dad always used to say that.. Time travel could mess up your mind. Well, maybe that's what is happening?”

Five slams down his glass. “This was a mistake, you're both too young..”

“No Five,” Vanya calls out

“Too naive to understand.” He walks to the door.

“Five just wait and listen to her.” I sighed.

But he listens and stops. He turns back to us, lips pursed into a scowl.

“I haven’t seen you in a long time, and I don't want to lose you again. That’s all.” She says. “You know it's getting late, I have lessons early, and I need to sleep and I'm sure you two need to too.”

She runs over to the couch and hands me a blanket and pillow. Uhm does she think I'm sharing with the teen?

“We’ll talk in the morning again. Okay? I promise. Night.” She begs us to stay as she gives us a shy smile and walks to her room.

“Goodnight Vanya.” I smile back before it leaves my face as I look back at the blanket and then Five. Her door opens and closes and I'm left alone with him.

Five moves to sit on the couch, and I do the same. “So what now?” I ask him.

He doesn’t answer, instead he opens a piece of cloth. Inside that cloth is a large brown fake eye. Like the ones used when you lose yours. I stare at the eye thinking I'm losing my mind. Everything today makes me feel like I'm losing it.

He sighs as I'm about to question him on why he has a creepy fake eye, all he does is look at the back of it where it reads who produced the eye. Meritech, it says, never heard of it.

I finally look at him in his hopefully real eyes. “What is that?”

He quietly gets up and opens the door to leave.

I blocked him. “There's no way you brought me here and are about to leave without answering any of my questions. And leaving me on my own at god knows where.”

He looks confused.

“That means I'm coming with you, of course.”

..

Five dragged me along to what I'm guessing was Meritch’s office building. A spacious place with lots of windows and workers walking around in lab coats. How he was going to get private info about this eye I do not know. But if I know Five, I know he’s at least going to try to bullshit his way through this.

Another lab coat worker walked over to the front desk which was in front of where we were standing and gave us a strange look. He shares the look with the front desk lady and then at us.

“Uh, can I help you?” He says.

Five walks up to him menacingly. “I need to know who this belongs to.” He holds up the eye for him to see.

“Where did you get that?”

“Why do you care.”

I cough, interrupting the two's standoff. “Hello yes, he found it on a playground. It must’ve just popped out!” I forced a chuckle. “My sweet brother here just wants to return it to its.. rightful owner!” I end my lie.

“Ohh.. what a thoughtful young man” the front desk lady adds on.

“Yeah. Look up the name for me, will ya?” Five snaps completely breaking apart my well-crafted lie about his sweet nature.

The man and woman look wary. “I'm sorry but patient records are strictly confidential. That means I can’t tell you-“

“Yeah, I know what it means.” Five grumbles

“But I'll tell you what I can do. I will take the eye off your hands and return it to the owner myself. I'm sure he or she will be very grateful so if I can just-“ the man reaches out for the eye in Five's hands.

“Yeah, you’re not touching this eye.”

“Aidan! You don't mean that, apologize.” I grit my teeth trying to signal to Five that he doesn’t wanna make these people mad or everything is for nothing.

“Now, you listen here, young man-“ I was about to tell that ugly man not to mess with my kid brother like that. But Five beat me to it when he grabbed onto the man's collar and yanked him towards himself.

I sigh knowing now we officially fucked this up, and dropped my happy act.

In his squeaky voice Five yells. “No! You listen to me, asshole. I've come a long way for this, through some shit your pea brain couldn’t even comprehend.” I almost giggle at his attempt to seem tough.

“So just give me the information I need, and I'll be on my merry way. And if you call me ‘young man’ one more time, I'm gonna put your head through that damn wall.” He finishes with a smile.

“Oh dear.” The front desk lady says.

The man still in Five’s grip looks over at the front desk woman.

“Call security” he whispers even though we could all hear what he was saying.

“Yeah,” she replies, picking up the old-looking telephone right next to her and dialing.

“We need to go now.” I grab onto Five's shoulder.

He gives that man one last dirty look and lets go of his coat. Sending the man back a few centimeters. The worker fixes his coat and exhales like he is trying to pretend he didn't just let this preteen threaten his life

Five and I walked out of the building defeated. And move on to our next idea, reinforcements.

…

Aug 14 update:

If you'd like to be added to the tag list for rest of the series (starts at chapter 10) say taglist in the comments!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

MORNING NEWS WITH ASMI! 12 Oct '24

GOOD MORNING MAGGOTS ONCE MORE IT IS NOT MORNING (WELL, IT'S MORNING IN CALIFORNIA AND THAT'LL DO)!

JERRY, HOW ARE WE FEELING?

JERRY WHO TOTALLY EXISTS: WONDERFUL, ASMI! OUR VIEWERS ARE UP BRIGHT AND EARLY AND IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS!

WELL SAID JERRY WHO TOTALLY EXISTS!

THE NEWS:

REDDIT THE BIRD FLEW AWAY WHEN I WAS TRYING TO GET IT DOWNSTAIRS TO AN ANIMAL RESCUE BLOKE. IT FLEW PRETTY HIGH RATHER THAN JUST HOPPING AWAY (THE WAY IT USUALLY DID IF MY SHOULDER GOT TOO WOBBLY) SO I THINK IT REALLY WANTED TO LEAVE.

WE FOUND OUT LATER THAT IT BELONGS TO THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS NEXT DOOR AND THEY SPENT ALL NIGHT LOOKING FOR IT, WHICH IS SAD, BUT AT LEAST IT WAS SAFE? AND I HOPE IT DECIDES TO DO WHATEVER IT WANTS, GO BACK TO HUMANS OR LIVE HOWEVER.

I HAVE NOT YET FOUND A RICH TWINK HUSBAND TO LIVE MY TROPHY HUSBAND DREAMS WITH.

I DREW A LOT OF GAY PEOPLE.

THE WORLD CONTINUES TO BURN IN INTOLERANCE AND POOR INFRASTRUCTURE AND NATURAL DISASTER AND CRIME AND WAR AND WARCRIMES.

I AM GAY.

OBAMA SAID A LOT OF BLACK MEN NEEDED TO DO BETTER BECAUSE THEY WERE VOTING FOR TRUMP JUST BECAUSE HARRIS IS A WOMAN.

YOU ARE SO LOVED, ACTUALLY.

ALRIGHT NOW JEFFERY WHO EXISTS WITH THE WEATHER!

TOTALLY-JEFFERY: THE WEATHER (I WILL NOT FORGET EUROPE THIS TIME LIKE ASMI DID HAHA!)

SHUT UP JEFFERY JUST GIVE US THE FORECAST.

ASIA: CLOUDY WITH THE OPPRESSIVE HEAT OF THE DARK SIDE OF TRADITIONS.

AFRICA: WET. VERY WET. (NOT /AO3)

SOUTH AMERICA: GETTIN' WARMER BBGS.

ANTARCTICA: GREEN. FUCKIN' GREEN.

NORTH AMERICA: STORMY WITH A HINT OF POLITICAL DISARRAY

EUROPE: PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES.

THE ANSWERS TO YESTERDAY'S CROSSWORD:

YOU GOTTA GIRD THESE FUCKERS: LOINS

ANOTHER WORD FOR SOMEONE WHO IS CHERISHED/OF WORTH: YOU

HOW DO YOU ___ LIKE YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME: WRITE

DIFFICULTY PROCESSING NUMBER BASED INFORMATION AND MATH: DYSCALCULIA

WHAT DOES THE BRAIN SAY BEFORE THE EXAM? I'M ___: NERVOUS

AND TODAY'S BELOW THE CUT:

(OR HERE'S THE LINK IF YOU PREFER)

FAREWELL FROM JEFFERY AND ME I LOVE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

[sixth-light]

13 books tag game, tagged by @amemoryofwot

1) Last book I read:

Starter Villain by John Scalzi, in an effort to 1) get back on my Hugo nominee completionist bullshit and 2) give him a second go, since I was deeply unimpressed by the first one a few years ago. It was...you know the thing about how badly-written books can help you learn more about writing than well-written ones? That!

2) A book I recommend:

I am metaphorically grabbing everybody I know by the collar and telling them to read Some Desperate Glory, unless the subject matter isn't for them which is fair, but it's so good.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

I distinctly remember finishing Gideon the Ninth at like 11pm because I couldn't wait until morning, which must be seen in the context of me being asleep by 10pm every night of my life I get a choice in the matter.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more)

I went through a solid decade of reading Hogfather every Christmas and I've probably got a few more left in me.

5) A book on my TBR

I've got Mary Beard's latest book, Emperor of Rome, on reserve at the library.

6) A book I’ve put down

Tried The Bone Shard Daughter by Andrea Stewart last year because it was blurbed well and I was in a fantasy mood, and got like...twenty pages in. It didn't leave enough of an impression for me to remember exactly why, just a general 'I don't care about these characters' vibe.

7) A book on my wish list

Kate Elliott is being very kind about progress updates in her newsletter and I want her to have the time she needs...but I am also chewing at the bit for Lady Chaos.

8) A favourite book from childhood

I was SO into Redwall as a kid. First fanfic I ever wrote.

9) A book you would give a friend

This is hard because I always want to rec specific books to specific people, I sincerely believe there's no generic book which is good for everybody. Um, maybe All Systems Red since Murderbot seems to resonate with a wide audience?

10) The most books you own by a single author

(Physical books only) An ACTUAL single author? Anne McCaffrey for sure. An alleged single author? I own 36 Trixie Belden Mysteries books.

11) A nonfiction book you own

Storm over Mono, which is a really interesting account of the fight to save Lake Mono in California, a scientifically interesting and historically and ecologically unique place.

12) what are you currently reading

Technically between books but I'm about to start The Imposition of Unnecessary Obstacles by Malka Older. I liked the first one fine but it didn't grab me grab me, so we'll see how it goes.

13) what are you planning on reading next?

My mostly-science book club is going retro and reading Surely You're Joking, Mr Feynman which I have been putting off because I have Heard Things about Richard Feynman...but also I gotta gird my loins and get onto it.

I have not been around Tumblr enough lately to think of who to tag but with 100% sincerity, if you see this and it starts the wheels turning in your head about books you've read lately and so on, you're it!

[not-poignant]

15 and 27 for the soft asks! <33

15. Comfort food?

Gird thy loins it's like 4,000 things:

Sue Lewis chocolate first and foremost but I only get to have this like twice a year.

Homemade prawn cocktails (*sobs in I'm so whi-hi-hiiiite*)

Lemon and sugar crepes

Chips with chicken salt (no, not like shoestring fries, no, if you're not Australian you probably haven't encountered chicken salt, it's complicated, the Australians know)

Cadbury Black Forest chocolate (I literally ate some today, I wonder why... *stares at the US in commiseration*)

Good tiny mandarins

Good tangelos

Fresh pineapple

Actually a lot of different fruits we're gonna be here a while

Fresh apples and local honey (very pagan very yum)

Dim sum (yum cha)

A good bubble tea, especially the Okinawa that Presotea does

Whopper Junior from Hungry Jacks with heavy onion (and heavy pickle)

Ham + cheese + onion toasties

Iced Mocha

Strawberries + melted dark chocolate from San Churro's

Shio and tonkotsu ramen (and menma, lots of menma)

Those really nice korokke, the crab and cheese ones, from South Korea

That one sushi place in that one suburb that does the tuna sushi and it somehow manages to be the best thing I've ever had in my entire life

The cheesecake I had in England that one time

A good (good!) lemon meringue pie

(Remember when I said we were going to be here a while) Rice pudding

Chocolate mousse

Mum's chocolate self saucing pudding

Calippos in Summer

Pralines & Cream gelato from Gelare

...okay I gotta stop I GOTTA STOP

Mapo tofu

Bun bo hue with extra spice

OKAY I'M STOPPING

There's more though.

GOOD BREAD

HAha I promise I'm stopping

dslakfjsa

27. Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?

I love to garden! And I have grown many things. I am growing many things this year actually. I'm too disabled to do as much as I'd like to do. That part sucks. But because it's a passion of mine and it's so rewarding, I do prioritise it.

So my entire back garden was created from scratch, literally it was a sandpit because this house basically didn't exist until we moved into it. So xeriscaping / landscaping is something close to my heart. I typically focus on local native plants because of our fragile and specific ecosystem, for local pollinators, but as time goes by I've also fallen in love with many other plants from other climes and places too.

The front garden has more 'exotics' in it. This year, from seed, I'm growing dahlias, zinnias, Californian poppies, basil, snapdragons, poached egg plants, foxgloves, marigolds, spinach and cucumber. In the back garden in pots we also have karapincha (curry plant) given to me by my Sri Lankan sister-in-law, from her curry plant. I've kept it alive in a pot for about 15 years or so. I also grow aloe vera (more like I can't fucking kill it), citronella (begone!), lemongrass, rosemary, thyme, oregano, and sage (until it finally died this year). Also daffodils and gladiolus from bulbs.

I am super proud of my garden and its many changes. It's a good place to raise a puppy. It's a great place to watch the world go by. It was once sand, and now it's a haven of Eucalyptus trees for many different species of honeyeater and wattlebird. It makes up for the fact that I'm too disabled to go anywhere and do anything most of the time. Even if I only leave the house to do something other than a medical appointment about 4 or 5 times a year, at least the garden is there for me!

I actually post way more on my Instagram!

--

From the soft asks meme!

[theseerasures]

notes on the owl house, season 1

was gonna do a sequence of liveblogs but then??? i got really into it??? so i guess the most important tl;dr is that yes lesbians you were right this time

S01E01

*watches first scene, where a single brown mother gives her kid a brochure for Conformity Camp with a cartoonish image of a child being crowded into a box, when her kid has already been established as being comically and cartoonishly imaginative, while a flock of doves fly into the air spelling out the words THIS IS A JOKE PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A DISCOURSE ABOUT THIS*

*pauses episode*

*gently and reverently rests finger on screen* a discourse happened here

i knew that Wendie Malick voices Eda before i started and thought i'd properly girded my loins and yet every time she opens her mouth i think she's gonna tell Luz she's punishing Luz for being alive

S01E03: gotta say i'm appreciative of this show's policy of "NO BOYS ALLOWED" unless the boys are the LITTLEST GUYS IN THE WORLD in which case "SON BOY ALLOWED"

S01E05

it's weird that the Adora in this show has Catra's haircut

wait

siSTER???

i guess kudos for subverting my expectations but between this and Frozen what is it with Disney properties courting the Incest Yay people

was the thought that since Eda and Lilith are Old(tm) it wouldn't happen this time because. uhhhhhh

i guess since Catradora was NebulaGamora you could argue Dana Terrace was just returning the trope to old familial roots??? bah i'm not gonna think about this anymore. Lilith def cursed Eda tho

spotted: Amity Blight and her best frenemy Luz Noceda dueling over the last open spot to the Magic Yale welcome luncheon!!!! xoxo GossipWitch

S01E07

not only does Amity have siblings her siblings are VEX AND VAX??? what is happening

Amity: you're a bully Luz!!!! i would know, because i call myself that in the mirror every morning!!!! not because i'm self aware though. it's to pump me up for another day of Bratz the Movie level shenanigans

wow this enemies-to-lovers is turning around fast. i was expecting Amity to at least girlboss if not gaslight but she barely got to gatekeep before being all "i guess :) we both learned something today :)"

yes Amity Luz accidentally hurting your precarious sense of self once is definitely the same as you tormenting Willow for years

S01E12

oh i've seen this Steven Universe episode.

*sees the monster* and so have the storyboarders

why is everyone so mean to Hooty :(

seriously tho i get having one person in the friend group that everyone inexplicably dislikes is a comedy standard or whatever but. it feels out of place for a show that otherwise bellows "it's great to be weird!!!" from the rooftops

Hooty never did nothing to nobody!!! except be all powerful and occasionally asking to be included in shenanigans

on the other hand given King's design they had to work REALLY hard for me to dislike him, but wow! it's definitely paid off, he's the worst

this is the third episode in a row where King's plot is that he has to learn a lesson about not being Disney-brand-selfish and i know this didn't happen but i'm suddenly imagining the world where he eventually takes over as the main character and The Owl House became Disney's answer to Teen Titans Go

S01E13: okay fine King reaching Todd Chavez levels of shenanigans in this episode was good. he can stay

S01E14: MAYBE THEY SHOULD CALL IT SHAPESHIFT LAND. BECAUSE IT'S A LAND WHERE YOU GO TO SHAPESHIFT

S01E15

can i just say that. naming a powerful-but-overlooked witch--who is the BFF to the main character, who thrives on both a) The Hubris and b) The Resentment--Willow is. well no harm in wearing your influence on your sleeve i guess

she does plant magic! it's not like they could have called her Glimmer

i can't believe Amity was made to end her friendship with Willow by CAITLIN GLASS'S SHADOW LAUGHING ON A WALL

*Amity pulls on Skara's invitation like she's gonna rip it apart* NO AMITY THAT'S AN ACTUAL BUTTERFLY

Amity: i'm not actually gonna rip it because it's a real butterfly, but you get the gesture, right?

me: ...fine. FINE

>:(

*watches Amity release the butterfly invitation as a symbol of overcoming her past self* wow. trans Amity confirmed

all the Blight kids are trans actually the twins transed and nobody even made a fuss bc their parents are terrible and Amity is a fourteen year old with youngest most specialest child syndrome

S01E16

Amity: i can't fight my worst fear because it's SO EMBARASSING

me: Amity if it's the one where you fail a test and then your mother shows up and calls you fat i guarantee everyone in school has already guessed

i guess we're just getting everybody's mommy issues huh

Luz's greatest flaw is how hard she commits to the bit, truly the ADHD representation we need

like it has literally not occurred to her that she could change course with what to tell Camila at any time. she chose her path and it's the only one for her now forever

oh Amity's greatest fear isn't even the obvious mom thing!! it's that Luz might turn her down!!! that's so fucking stupid Amity never ever change

S01E17

the recurring potshots at JoRane's intellectual property this season sure are.

this was produced and came out during the years she went public about losing her fucking mind, so like. everyone had to deal with it in the way they felt was appropriate. i'm not really out to judge the exact timbre of one's response so long as said response does not align with her bigotry, and i sympathize with the petty joy of belittling something owned by somone hateful, especially if that something once meant a lot to you...

i guess i'm just not super comfortable with it because a) you're still picking at a wound even if you end up making funny shapes out of the scabs, b) these hot takes are about general magic-school tropes but often are so specifically about her it feels like we're giving her credit for creating them, and c) owning her like this feels like an opiate when the real issue isn't that her fictional society is founded on 11 year olds taking one uquiz, or that the fake sport she made up is hideously unbalanced, it's that she's...the leader of hate group

all of which are misgivings i have about the Disney Corporation as well and i get that people don't watch this show to be REMINDED that we live in a society, so like. whatever i'm gonna stop talking about this

that Amity sure is gay amirite! she went from "mostly bormal about her obvious crush" to "Jodie Foster at the Golden Globes" in the span of one episode

S01E18

wow!!! Hooty saved everyone's bacon by being all-powerful. thank you Hooty sorry your squatters just take you for granted

oh hey Hordak

the fact that Willow and Gus immediately figured out what Luz was up to because of the helpful diagrams she drew for her non-plan is just so. i'm love them, actually

LILITH??? cursed Eda???? what an unexpected turn of events

okay yes Eda sacrificing her soul to her chronic illness for Luz provoked some genuine emotion from my flinty irreverent heart

it was just the emotional climax of Brave with a Last Agni Kai color scheme but hey i cry during the emotional climax of Brave, so

S01E19

is King...not sad his momowner is about to die??? i get that Luz is the focus here but it's weird that he's not even a little bit distraught

um

Lilith

oh my god what

what????

you really think someone would do that??? just ESTABLISH A FASCIST STATE AND TELL LIES????

Lilith how the fuck did you become the head of the secret police when you're like THIS

MINDWIPED WILLOW HAD MORE DEDUCTIVE SKILLS, LILITH

i thought there'd be SOME fascist ideology buy-in like cursing Eda made her scared of Power without Discipline or something but she's...only here??? because this one thing Hordak said he'd do???? HE DIDN'T EVEN PINKIE SWEAR LILITH

like yes yes i know. "cop older sister fails upwards and yikes her way into defending her genocidal boss" I KNOW the only way she could be more my type is if she had dyed her hair white, but i can't pay attention to any of that bc i'm too distracted by the logic-defying stupidity

Lilith when you ditched your glasses for your Goth makeover did you just. never get contacts??? because the only reason i can think of for even you blithely sailing past every red flag is that you were literally too blind to see them

i just

i can't believe i thought Winter Schnee was the purest encapsulation of "in my defense your honor i really am the dumbest bitch alive" when Lilith was there all along

i guess her existence is a powerful statement that MILFs can be morons too

*Luz confronting Lilith and displaying a level of anger that's probably supposed to be unsettling* oh my god Luz YES GET HER PUT HER OUT OF HER FUCKING MISERY

Lilith: i just don't understand why even after i've restrained and assaulted them no one believes i just want to have a civil conversation :(

tHIRTY YEARS????

like yes okay i'm sure there are some profound implications here we can draw about grooming and abuse and sunk cost fallacies but i just

Lilith: i was on the fence about cursing my sister, but when i asked for the Emperor's advice he said "god forbid women do anything."

Luz:

Lilith: i'm realizing now that was bad advice. and that he probably meant it in a different, even worse way than how i interpreted it.

but don't worry gang! her solution to fixing all the evil she's been complicit in is to...uh, continue being complicit in the evils! it's the best way to ensure that the incredibly specific scenario that befell Eda and herself will never!!! happen!!! again!!!

quick Lilith, Hordak just ensnared you in tentacles! this is a perfect opportunity for you to show exactly how you're going to prevent "~this" from ever happening ag--oh she's gone

Eda, finding out Lilith didn't actually mean to curse her forever and this was all her sister's incredibly weird way to make amends: what kind of fucking mORON--wait actually this makes perfect sense

Eda honey obviously i love you for trying to shield your sister and petson from petrification but i don't think Lilith noticed you did that

given the established buffer speed of her brain i'm not sure she's even put together that the owlbeast and her sister are the same person

okay okay i'll move on

:') Luz you brave darling sunflower you've never done anything wrong ever in your life and i'm glad you committing to the bit saved the day, even if it came at such a high price

not sure you'll be taking home the coveted gold for Committing to the Bit tho, now that your witch-aunt has revealed herself as the undisputed champion of Blindly Committing to the Bit for the thirtieth consecutive ye--OKAY YES WE'RE NOT BEATING THIS DEAD HORSE ANYMORE

because i do want to take this show seriously, and nothing demonstrates "i'm gonna take responsibility for my own actions now" better than using your literal body to bear some of the harm you inflicted on others. it's a very nice way to bring their relationship full circle, and it resonates with other instances when characters are forced to stop defining themselves by outside standards and embrace what they're already good at.

(and what Lilith is good at is soothing the pain of others via self-harm! which i think is the point the Helen's-Type-Generator starts emitting confetti and oily black smoke)

is this the first instance of magic having a cost or rebound in this world? beyond "whew i did a lot of magic today, i'm tired?" hm

Dana Terrace really went "i'm gonna give the whump enthusiasts everything they want" with this trope huh

Going Forward

yes i liked it yes i know the second season is more heavily serialized yes i will watch that soon

this did make me think about how all seriality in TV these days seem to be about building up to one series-wide showdown as opposed to different seasons having their own mytharcs, but that has less to do with this show specific and more with the death of television as a medium and we ain't got time for that

given how much my exposure to this show beforehand was Lumity (to the point where i wasn't sure there were other characters besides Eda) i'm...kinda surprised at how sparse Amity's presence was in this season. i liked what we did see of her, but i went in expecting a lot more antagonism for a lot longer in that dynamic

but i guess that's tied in with this season not having much in the way of antagonism until the very end, and not-Hordak seems to be the only one actually invested in his whole world order. we don't have any sympathetic true believers, which I assumed would be Lilith and/or Amity? i guess neither Shadow Weaver nor Catra really gave a shit about the Horde's ideology either, but Shadow Weaver remained an unrepentant ball of spite until the end and it didn't really matter that Catra didn't give a shit about the Horde because the Horde was the only thing she knew. in contrast Amity and Lilith's ties to the existing system feel very shallow--in the latter case so much so it kind of boggles my willing suspension of disbelief?

i suppose the next season can change that, i know new characters get introduced so--

oh wait is that what's gonna happen to the bad sad twink

i've only seen his armor but given how many AO3 fics seem to be about him i'm just gonna assume that he's a bad sad twink

wait can i call someone a twink when he's probably in his early teens like the rest of the cast?

is there discourse about this i hope not

don't make me break out the flock of doves

[ediyo-15]

i find myself compelled to share (completely unsolicited) my aot au. gird your loins for a tangent

so i don’t care for the marley stuff. it’s not poorly written or what have you i just don’t like it. i firmly believe the story coulda stopped when they got to the ocean. eren be looking out like “there’s more out there”. cut. end credits. leave it open ended

but what of the suspicious marlean script? where did reiner and co come from? why is eren riddled with issues? unless you wanted to cut that shit out entirely, my brain came up with a thing

once again, i do not care for “the world is still alive” for aot. so instead all that shit is actually the royal family struggling to maintain their hold on the people through secret societies and fear. can’t recall to what extent it’s like that originally, but this makes them the big baddies. all the shit that happened in the past did happen, but everyone else genuinely perished. the walls are it

the royal family is behind the serum. some experimentation that gotta outta hand. im not sure if some extremists got a hold of it or if someone is just going on a wild power trip, but its a problem now. and it becomes more of a problem the more the corp gets involved. they really decided to fight fire with fire like bruh

they speak marlian cause it’s a dead language. like all those frat houses and secret societies that speak latin. ymir is still from the past but reiner and them are part of this rogue faction or what have ye

so i would change up the timeline a bit. they go to shiganshina but in the basement they find out everything (both the og reiss and ackerman timelines and my wild new shit) and decide to go fix that shit before the ocean. and they do. and it’s great. and eren gets his dramatic final line. end credits

but this time the final line doesn’t mean people, it means lakes of fire and plains of ice and jungles and canyons and obnoxiously flat places like kansas. it ties it all back to what armin said episode one

(also, bonus, eren doesn’t become a genocidal maniac in this version. seem good? neat)

if i did write anything it would probably be levi pov cause him, jean and armin are my boys but i consume far more eruri then jearmin in recent years. (this also means task one would be trying to figure out a way both armin and erwin could live). i also….haven’t really paid attention to anything since shiganshina. i barely paid attention to historia’s stuff and then i only know how shiganshina ended because when it was happening in the manga (yes it’s been that long) i was a moody preteen afraid of losing my favorite armin so i just made my sister tell me what happened

but if you’ve actually read this far let me know what you think?? is it too generic? or are you like me and was like, yo this do be the main cast these yeehaws gonna live? when you were first consuming le content how did you think it would end?

[beautifulterriblequeen]

8, 20, & 29 for ao3 wrapped :D

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Ruthari! But they only have a fic or two's edge over Kimditi. I love my boys, but for reasons, I haven't been writing them much this year. Hopefully S6 will give me new things to write about for them, one way or another!

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Hoo boy. Well. It's The Width of the Knife, a recent BG3 dark ficlet. Rated M, dead dove, mind the tags!

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Gotta be this bit from Day 2 of TDP Gen Week (Fairy Tale):

Ethari continued, “In the dark, Garlath wandered, alone and hurt. But radiating from a cave that lay nearly hidden at the base of a mountain, he caught sight of a warm glow, and it drew him closer. He girded his loins for the unknown and stepped inside… And it was then that he met a legendary forgemaster, brave and true.” “What was his name?” Rayla blurted. Ethari blinked. “How do you know the forgemaster was a he?” This made Rayla hem and haw for a moment. “Well. You’re a forgemaster,” she pointed out. Ethari laughed with more delight than she expected. “Very well. The forgemaster is a he, and his name is… erm… Mlemtharmi. Yes. Mlemtharmi the legendary forgemaster.” “Mlemtharmi?” “It’s a real name,” Ethari insisted.

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

How does Eel feel about losing his leg?

KISSING YOU DIRECTLY ON THE MOUTH I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO BE ASKED THIS !!!

gird thine loins my love because youse abt to get a doozy >:)

a screaming sound...a fizz of static...

and the smell of something burning. that was all eel remembered before he passed out.

a brown eye and a pale one flew open, a gasp and a hacking noise coming with it.

a panicky feeling set into eel's mind as he realized something was down his throat, and covering his nose and mouth. his vision blurry, he scrabbled at the thing, trying to claw it off his face to breathe.

large hands grasped his shoulders gently, carefully removing his hands from his face and slowly laying him back down; he hadn't even realized he had sat up.

he gasped for air, trying to stay calm as he listened to the people--he had figured out sometime in the last minute that there was more than one pair of frantic footsteps, and voices to match. they seemed familiar, but in his haze of panic he couldn't quite place them.

abruptly the thing was removed from his face and he gagged as a connecting tube came out of his throat, managing not to vomit. he gulped in huge breaths as the same gentle hands that had laid him down before held his, and his vision started to clear.

he rubbed his better eye with the back of his hand, squinting as he panted, looking around. a pale blue wall, white tile, grey speckled ceiling tiles, and people.

there was one sitting by his bed, the one holding his hand, another pacing in the corner, and a third seemingly staring at him from the foot of his bed, holding something.

he looked closer at the person at his bed, brow furrowing as his eyes cleared.

"h-harv?" he rasped, voice hoarse.

the brunet broke into a teary grin and raised their joined hands to his lips. eel looked around, slowly growing more relieved and bewildered at the same time.

"a-and- cowboy? what in the-" the man pacing by the door stopped, and came swiftly over to the bed, that eel now realized was a hospital cot.

"e- captain cattaneo," jack started, correcting himself as he glanced again at the nurse studying eel intently from the foot of his bed.

"kelly, what- what happened? where am i, and why the hell are you here? where are the kids?" the last he said to his partner, who opened his mouth before the nurse cut in. "i hate to interrupt, may i speak to the captain here for a minute?" her voice was determined, but not unkind, a certain lilt to it that told eel she was european, maybe german.

jack cleared his throat and stepped back, but harvey stayed at the bedside, clutching eel's hand like a lifeline.

"captain, can i ask your full name and the year you were born? i just need to ask you a few questions, standard coma patient routine." eel stared at her, incredulous. "sorry ma'am- you says coma?" she nodded, looking expectantly.

he swallowed. "captain ezekiel hayes cattaneo, march seventeenth two thousand one, callsign 'eel', age twenty two as of three months ago." he recited, somewhat monotonously. "listen, i gotta know where-"

"and today's date?" she said again.

his mouth closed with a click.

"june- twelfth?" he hesitated slightly. she said he had been in a coma, right? but how much time had passed?

"today is the fourth of august, captain."

he swallowed, looking down at the railing of the bed, before trailing his gaze down to his- his feet.

"and what is your relation to-" "ma'am, i wasn't raised by my ma very well, but she did teach me it's rude to interrupt, so for that i am deeply sorry," he tried to keep his voice level.

"where the hell is my leg?"

[casadegatos]

Favorite thing I wrote today, This Is In First Person and I Am Uncomfortable Edition

today's prompt: Something you've always wanted to try

I always wanted to try to be nicer. Being nice. The concept was something I was familiar with, but just never got around to trying. What kind of person is never nice? Well, me. Getting a handle on just dealing with people, moving through them without insulting them, it’s all a bit outside my range. Mostly, to avoid confusion, I don’t say anything. Sit, watch. Seems the easiest thing to do. Actually putting on a face is more than I can do most days.

Nice. Nicer. Nicest. The goalpost keeps moving, too. What is being nice, I ask you? I do want to try it sometime. Maybe it will make me feel something other than the contempt I usually feel when going about amongst other humans.

What is holding me back? That is generally a good question that I would ask anyone, what is holding you back from being nicer? Because I gotta tell you, until I see evidence that other people are nice, it’s not something I’m likely to do.

Anyway, this is about me, and what I want to try. Something I’ve always wanted to try. You probably thought I was going to say skydiving or spelunking or bungee jumping. I mean, those are probably fun activities. But they don’t really require trying, do they? Planning, preparing, paying, girding your loins, strapping on protective equipment, sure. But not trying. No, trying is something else. Something that puts you on edge deep in your soul.

At least, that’s how I see it. Trying, I mean. So, one thing I’ve always wanted to try is to be nicer. It would make me deeply uncomfortable, so maybe it would be worth it.

[banannabethchase]

Take a Chance on Me Chapter 9: When All Is Said and Done - On AO3

~

Wheeler and Claudio make it to the end of the aisle but they may not be the only happily ever after.

~

This chapter is even more saccharine than the movie ending so here have some fluff.

~

“Everybody decent?” Mox asks, poking his head into the suite. “You all ready?”

Wheeler steps aside to let his dad into the room. “What do you think?”

Mox scans him, his mouth doing something weird. “You - you look great.” He comes in and pulls Wheeler in for a hug so strong he thinks something pops in his back, but it’s worth it. “Alright, I need everybody but Wheels downstairs by the ballroom,” he kicks the door the rest of the way open. “I gotta talk to my kid.”

His friends file out, looking delightful in suits, and, in Nyla’s case, a blue and cream dress that exactly matches the colors of the wedding.

Mox exhales when the door closes, hands on Wheeler’s shoulders. “You look like a groom, Potato.” He grins. “How you feeling?”

“Good,” he says, nodding. “I, uh. I made a decision.”

Mox’s eyebrows rise. “A decision? Am I gonna have to smuggle you out of the hotel? Kill Claudio?”

“No, oh my god,” Wheeler says. “I’m gonna have all three of them walk me down the aisle.”

“All – wait, the three guys?”

Wheeler nods, trying to not be too nervous about his dad’s response. “I think I want them all there.”

Mox relaxes, and he looks about ten years younger with the stress of his face. “Oh, thank god.”

“Thank god?”

“You’ve been holding this so tight, kiddo,” he says, and rolling his shoulders don’t go as well in this fitted suit as it does in his gym clothes, but he tries his best. “And there was nothing anybody else could do to help you through it. We just had to watch.” His smile turns a little sad. “There was no way for any of us to know who your other dad was in this weekend. Couldn’t’ve happened.”

“You could have mentioned that,” Wheeler mutters.

“I did.”

“You could have been more insistent.”

Mox rolls his eyes. “Potato, if you think for one second you woulda listened to me, you don’t know yourself as well as you think.” Wheeler thinks he may have a point. “But choosing all three? You, deciding that it doesn’t matter?” He reaches up, pats Wheeler on the cheek. “You’re a goddamn miracle, kid.”

Wheeler shrugs him off, and he can feel himself blushing. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Let’s get you ready to go downstairs, yeah?”

The next few minutes are a whirlwind, and suddenly Wheeler is in front of his assigned space to get ready. Claudio and his mother are on the other side of the breezeway before the dock, and they can’t see him, but Wheeler thinks he can sense him.

I’m here, he says, hoping Claudio can hear it, I can’t wait to marry you.

“Alrighty,” Mox says, clapping Wheeler on the shoulder and not spending too much time staring at the other three possible dads. “I’ve gotta get my ass down to the altar. Wheels,” Mox says, looking him dead in the eye, hands on either side of his head, “I’m so fuckin’ proud of you.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

With a gruff kiss to his Wheeler’s forehead, Mox walks away, looking like he’s headed more for a fight than to officiate a wedding, but Wheeler doesn’t blame him. There’s a lot of people out there.

Chuck, Bryan, and Regal are all dressed in their own versions of wedding gear. Regal, in a pressed light grey suit with a sage green tie and pocket square. Bryan, pale blue button down and a pair of black dress pants. And Chuck, in a pair of khakis and a short sleeved purple polo.

It’s three wildly different people. And he wants them all in his life. “So, before we make our way down the aisle,” Wheeler says, “I have an idea.”

“Go right ahead,” Regal says.

Chuck and Bryan just nod, though.

“I don’t care which one of you is actually my other dad,” Wheeler says, staring at all three of them. He adjusts his tie. “One of you is, I know, but I don’t – it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want in, that’s okay. But,” and he has to steel his nerves for this next part, gird his loins as Danny would say, “but I’d like for you all to walk with me down the aisle. And I’d like you to stay, the whole time. If that’s alright.”

Regal nods solemnly, Chuck sighs and smiles, and Bryan offers Wheeler his arm.

“We’d be delighted,” Regal says.

“We’d be honored,” Bryan says back, glancing at Regal.

“Yeah, we wanna be there, can we quit the pissing contest?” Chuck looks beyond annoyed. “Wheels has got to be up there in, like, minutes. Don’t want a runaway groom situation here, as good as that Chicks song is.”

His dad and two other dudes, though he doesn’t know who is who, walk him to back of the breezeway, right before the door.

“As someone who might be your dad or whatever,” Chuck says, “I wanna give you an out. If you need it.”

“An out?” Wheeler asks, frowning.

“If you’re not up for getting married, I think he means,” Bryan says. His eyes are gentler than they’ve been the whole time. “If you need to back out.”

“Like hell I want to back out!” says Wheeler.

Regal smiles. “That’s our boy. See? Look at that smile on his face. Our young man is sunshine right now.”

Danny’s head peeks out from the door, closely followed by Lee’s head right above his. Kris’ face is upside down by their feet. Wheeler can only assume she’s doing a handstand on the deck, which is even more impressive in a suit than it usually is. “You good?” Danny asks.

Wheeler nods. “Everybody ready?”

“Claudio’s waiting on the other side of the deck sweating bullets,” Lee says. “You threaten him or something?” He eyes the three men standing with Wheeler.

“We did nothing of the sort,” Regal says. But he looks a little shifty somewhere behind his eyes.

“We’ll be right out,” Wheeler says. “I’m ready.”

“Okay!” Kris says. “Danny, then me, then Lee, right?”

Wheeler nods. “Ready when you are.”

The music hits, and Wheeler’s thankful for the speakers that run from the back of the venue down into the beach. Claudio would probably riot if the timing was off.

Claudio’s groomsmen make their way from the other side of the dock, to the center stairs, down the wooden path to where Wheeler’s dad waits at the altar. And then it’s his turn. He swallows as he sees Claudio approaching from the other side of the hotel arm in arm with his mother. His entire heart seems to beat out of his chest, thudding to the beat of his footsteps as he and Claudio walk toward each other from the opposite ends of the hotel deck. It feels like hours before they meet up in the middle, right before the steps.

“Hi,” Wheeler says, only slightly choked up.

“Hi, Schatzi,” Claudio says, reaching out and grabbing his hand. “I’m so glad to finally see you.”

Chuck, in a display of gentlemanly respect, holds out his arm for Claudio’s mother to take, and they make their way down the aisle to their seats. Regal and Bryan, despite how funny Wheeler thinks it would be, do not follow suit, and instead walk side by side, like they knew each other before this weekend.

Based on Mox’s story, Wheeler realizes, they probably did.

The music shifts to the song specially chosen for when Claudio and Wheeler are to make their way down the aisle, and they step down the stairs, onto the wooden pathway, and through the guests to Wheeler’s dad.

Mox is pretending he’s not crying, coughing gruffly and wiping at his eyes every two seconds, but Wheeler knows the truth.

“Hey, Dad,” he practically whispers. His own eyes aren’t dry.

Mox reaches out and yanks Wheeler in for a quick hug, then does the same to Claudio. Clearing his throat, he steadies himself. “Friends, family, and random people who decided a wedding was a good thing to crash,” Mox begins, “we are here on this beach to celebrate the love between two incredible men. One, my son, Wheeler –” He cuts off, clearing his throat. “Wheeler Moxley, the kind of man I could only dream of being. And the other, the first person I’ve met that I thought might compare to Wheeler.” He scrubs his hand across his eyes. In a whisper, he says, “Fuck, Wheels, I was the wrong person to ask to do this.”

“Were not,” Wheeler says, through a bit of a wet smile. “You’re the perfect person to do this.”

Mox continues, with some of the traditional lines that Claudio’s parents requested, and Wheeler stands there hand in hand with Claudio until –

“I believe our grooms prepared vows?” his dad says. “Floor’s all yours, gentlemen.”

Wheeler nods. “Right. Uh, I’ll go first.” Claudio nods, eyes red. “Right. Claudio, I’ve been head over heels for you since that day you stumbled into our gym like a lost puppy.” Laughs from the crowd steady him, as does the look in Claudio’s eyes. “I don’t think I knew who you would be to me. I just knew you would be important.” He takes a deep breath. “And now I know that you’re my favorite person. We steady each other and help each other grow. You’ve encouraged me to – to become the person I’m meant to be…” He trails off, takes another deep breath, and tries to make sure his voice is steady. “You’ve got my back, and I have yours. We’re a team. Today, I get to make it official: I’ll kill all the spiders, do dishes after you cook, and go pick up any ingredients you need at ungodly hours of the morning.” He grins. “I love you. I can’t wait to always love you.”

Claudio’s face falls into this devastating smile that always knocks Wheeler off his feet. “We’re a team,” he echoes.

“Claudio,” Mox says gently. “Go ahead.”

“Well, Schatzi, you know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for your expert advice,” Claudio says, “and your first aid skills. From cutting my hand open while cooking, to spotting me during almost every weight session, you, well. You said it. You have my back.” He smiles, something a bit wet and shaky. “I can’t wait to spend forever with you, Wheeler Moxley.” He lifts their hands and presses a kiss to the back of Wheeler’s. “I promise to be whatever you need me to be.” He gives Wheeler’s hands a squeeze. “And I promise it forever.”

Wheeler’s sure his smile is covering his whole face.

“So, Claudio Castagnoli,” Mox says, “do you take Wheeler Moxley to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” Claudio says, voice a little tight. Wheeler knows what that means. Claudio’s trying his damnedest not to cry.

“And Po – Wheeler Moxley,” Mox says, lips twitching, “do you take Claudio Castagnoli to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“Absolutely,” Wheeler replies.

“Well,” Mox says, grinning. “You may kiss your husband.”

Claudio and Wheeler surge toward each other like they aren’t surrounded by family and friends, like nobody’s watching. Like it’s them and the ocean breeze, and the promise of a lifetime shared.

They break apart when the cheers become a couple of wolf whistles. Claudio’s got a flattering little blush across his cheeks. Wheeler wants to remember it forever.

Congratulations and photos go by in a blur, shuffled from person to person and place to place. Wheeler doesn’t get a real chance to think until they’re in the ballroom in front of plates of food. They have a perfect view out to the ocean, balcony letting in cool ocean air, but Wheeler doesn’t give a damn about anything except his dinner plate.

“Oh, thank god,” Wheeler says, relaxing. “I’m not getting up until I eat all of this.”

“Agreed,” Claudio says.

Wheeler beams at him. People come up to their sweetheart table, asking questions, but Wheeler communicates exclusively with his eyes and thumbs up as he shovels food in his mouth.

“This is so fucking good,” Wheeler all but moans. “Holy shit.”

“You’re telling me,” Claudio says, shoving a hunk of bread into his mouth. “Who was right about catering?”

Wheeler rolls his eyes. “I was not the one who argued with you. My dad’s the one who tried to talk you into Italian.”

When it’s time to cut the cake, Wheeler grabs a handful and shoves it directly into Claudio’s face before he can react. He’s lucky he’s fast, though, because Claudio comes at him seconds later with a handful of cake. Wheeler dodges it, laughing, but he underestimates Claudio’s resilience. He kisses Wheeler with his face full of frosting.

“Oh, gross!” Wheeler yells. He only half notices the flashes from all the cameras around him.

“You started it,” Claudio says. And then he licks some frosting off his fingers in a way that has to be intentional, and Wheeler immediately wishes they were in their hotel room.

He steps into Claudio’s space and grabs him by the tie, pulling him down. “You do that again,” Wheeler says, a bit surprised at the growl in his voice, “and I will do very, very bad things to you in front of our family.”

Claudio’s eyes widen, and Wheeler watches him swallow. “Noted,” he says. He clears his throat as he pulls away, shuffling behind the cake table. Wheeler avoids smirking. “Right! Time for us all to get the party started, shall we. Wheeler,” he gestures in front of him, “after you.”

Wheeler grins at him, and the two of them make their way down the stairs.

Their first dance is quiet, with the two of them curled around each other and murmuring little nothings into each other’s ears. It’s a little odd, to have his interactions viewed on such a large scale, but he knows his place is resting here in Claudio’s arms.

The song ends and he steps away, just a bit, from Claudio. The next song is Claudio’s dance with his mother, and he gives them the space.

“I’d hate to think you feel you’re missing out on a dance like this.” Wheeler turns to see his dad with a grin on his face.

“Uh, no,” Wheeler laughs. “I’m good. I never really needed a mom.”

“Awesome,” Mox says. “But, uh. How’s it going with your other…dads?” He winces. “God, that sounds weird.”

Wheeler shrugs. “I mean, I don’t really care which is the one who, like,” he pauses, searching for the right words, “was the donor or whatever. I’m kind of just happy they all came to the wedding.”

Mox pulls him in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you, kid.”

“Why?”

“You know who you are better than anybody I’ve ever met,” his dad says, his arms still holding him close. “And you found somebody who knows you just as well.” He pulls away to look into Wheeler’s eyes. “You’re so young and already so much smarter than I ever was.”

Wheeler studies his face, for just a moment. “You know,” he says, “if you wanted to date, find someone, you really should.”

Mox makes a weird noise, something halfway between a huff and a scoff. “Me? What?”

“That’s convincing,” Wheeler says, rolling his eyes. “All I’m saying, there’s three guys here you had a moment with.” He shrugs. “Maybe that moment could be more.”

Mox’s gaze scans the room, and Wheeler can only assume it lands on Regal, who nurses what looks like a whiskey over by the bar. Bryan, in what looks like an incredibly focused conversation with Nick Jackson. And Chuck, doing the macarena to some Celine Dion song with Lee and Nyla.

“I don’t know, Potato,” he sighs, scrubbing his hand along his head. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t hold back, I guess, is what I’m saying.” Wheeler rests his head on his dad’s shoulder.

“Yeah?” Mox says. “I’ll take that into consideration.” He nudges Wheeler. “Go dance with your husband, kiddo. I’ll be fine over here.”

Wheeler does. Sometime around ten thirty, a lot of the families with kids leave, and the party gets a little rowdy.

“I’m gonna go get some air.” Wheeler has to practically yell to be heard over the music. “Wanna come with?”

Claudio nods, and they make their way to the back deck, where they’d walked out a few hours before.

And, to Wheeler’s surprise, they run into Danny and Uncle Eddie, making out against the railing.

It takes far too long for Wheeler to react. Danny’s moaning like a porn star as Eddie hitches his leg up. And that’s enough for Wheeler to snap his head back into focus.

“What the hell is going on here?” he practically squeaks.

Eddie pulls away so fast that Danny practically falls on the ground. “Potato head! Hi!”

“You could help me up,” Danny says, pouting.

“Oh, for the love of Christ,” Wheeler groans, rubbing his temples. “Here? Really?”

Danny rubs at his mouth, looking not the slightest bit guilty. “It’s a wedding, Wheeler. Groomsmen are supposed to hook up with the hottest people.”

Eddie – Uncle Eddie fucking blushes.

“Oh, god,” Wheeler says, wrinkling his nose. “You like him.”

“I do not!”

“You’re blushing,” Wheeler argues.

Claudio rests a hand on Wheeler’s shoulder. “Schatzi, give them some space.”

“See? The Alps has the right idea!” Eddie says, and he shakes a fucking finger in Wheeler’s face. “Leave us alone, Potato head, let me…”

“Get some head?” Danny suggests with a devilish little smile Wheeler really wishes he didn’t have to see.

“Okay,” Claudio says, hands on Wheeler’s shoulder as he steers them away. “Before you combust, let’s go say hello to my sister.” He practically frog marches Wheeler out of the way, Wheeler sputtering half syllables with every step. “You’re practically shaking.”

“It’s just weird,” Wheeler half sobs. “That’s my uncle. And my best friend. And they were…” He trails off, shaking his head like it might rid him of the mental image. “Oh, god.”

Claudio laughs, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You could freak out about that,” Claudio says, “or, you could think about how this is our wedding night, and we’ll get to do whatever we want in that giant shower of ours back in the hotel.”

Wheeler perks up. “I’m listening.”

They make their way through the last few people over at the bar, to the people on the dance floor breaking it down to Mr. Brightside, Despacito, all the classics that have been stuck in Wheeler’s head for years.

“Come on, husband,” Wheeler says, grinning. “Let’s go dance.”

And they do. They spin and they laugh, Claudio is swept away by Kris and Nyla while Lee drags Wheeler to quite literally bend over to the front and touch his toes while Get Low blares throughout the ballroom. He deliberately avoids Claudio’s parents eyes, because they know plenty of English to know the lyrics.

“Last song,” says the wedding planner, coming up behind him. She waves over Claudio. “Do you have any requests?”

Claudio requests Truly Madly Deeply, and the two of them slow dance in front of everyone, for the second time as husbands. Most people have left, the venue filled with barely a third of the guests, but Wheeler spies Eddie and Danny swaying gently in the corner. And he nearly trips over his shoes when he sees the couple right behind them.

“Claudio!” he hisses, nodding over to the corner. “Am I going crazy, or is my dad over there dancing with Regal?”

Claudio twirls them so that he’s got his eyes on the spot. “Looks like it,” he says, pulling Wheeler in close. “You gonna freak out about it?”

Wheeler scans the room. Kris is half asleep, head on Nyla’s shoulder and legs draped across her lap. Lee is flirting with one of Claudio’s many cousins, her cheeks pink and smile wide. Seth and Roman are holding each other tight, barely swaying under the lights. He can’t spot Bryan or Chuck, but he hopes they’ll say goodbye in the morning before they leave.

“Nah,” Wheeler says, clinging to Claudio’s shoulders. He can’t stop smiling. “It’s sweet.”

He’s a little sleepy, is the thing, when the song ends and he and Claudio pull apart.

And then he remembers what awaits him upstairs. He’s suddenly wide awake.

“Alright, bye everybody!” Wheeler says, grabbing Claudio’s hand.

“Eager, my god,” Claudio mutters, as he waves to the crowd.

“Well, it’s my wedding night, and I know what I want.” Wheeler licks his lips. “And I want you.”

“You will always have me,” Claudio says, and the elevator ride feels like forever as they stare at each other.

They aren’t gentle with their suits as they get up to the room, ties and coats and nice pants flying all over the place in their haste to touch each other.

“Let’s make good use of that shower,” Wheeler says, gripping Claudio’s biceps.

They stumble over each other to reach the bathroom, blindly fumbling for the doorknob, for the glass shower door.

“Water’s gonna be cold,” Claudio says, biting at Wheeler’s neck.

Wheeler reaches up and turns the showerhead to the wall, then turns on the water. “Don’t underestimate my planning, baby.”

Claudio laughs, pressing Wheeler against the wall. “I’ll never underestimate you, Schatzi.”

Before long, Wheeler is pressed up against the wall, half begging Claudio for his fingers.

“So impatient,” Claudio says, pressing up against Wheeler’s back. “Wait for the water to get warm, yeah?”

“Impatient my ass,” Wheeler laughs, squirming back as Claudio brushes a slick finger between his cheeks. “You’re teasing.”

“It’s my wedding night,” Claudio says, tone far too casual for the way his fingertip brushes at Wheeler’s hole. “Don’t I get what I want?”

“By that logic, I should get what I want, too,” he pushes back, and Claudio slides his finger in, just a little. “Oh, god, like that.”

Claudio hums as he slowly works Wheeler open. He’s panting against wall, hands splayed to try and stabilize on shaky knees. “Yeah?”

Wheeler pushes down against his fingers. The warm water scatters down his back, and Claudio’s hand follows, resting on Wheeler’s hip to hold him steady.

“You want me?” Claudio asks.

“Yes, duh,” Wheeler says. “Come on, fuck me already.”

Claudio lines himself up against Wheeler’s back, and it’s so close to enough but also so fucking far away. He adds a finger though, working at Wheeler until he’s desperate and whimpering.

“You’re taking forever.”

“I’m being thorough,” Claudio says, but he adds another finger and goes a little faster, adding more lube. He bites at the back of Wheeler’s neck. “Talk to me.”

“I want your cock,” Wheeler says, “I – I want my husband’s cock.”

Claudio ramps up the pace, lets out a sound Wheeler’s never heard before. “Call me that again.”

“My husband,” Wheeler says, and he feels oddly smug at the way this is the first time he’s seen Claudio get this side of control. “Come on, baby, I want you.”

“Anything for you,” Claudio murmurs in his ear. And then Wheeler feels Claudio’s cock nudging up against his hole, and he wants to sing.

Claudio eases himself in, so goddamn slowly it hurts, and Wheeler has to fight the urge to shove himself down on Claudio’s cock with reckless abandon.

Wheeler can feel the way Claudio’s body practically covers him in the shower, the heat of his skin branding him with something he’s proud to claim. This is nothing new for them, these movements, this motion, but it feels more special this time, like they’re consecrating something that will last beyond their time on earth.

The world disappears, and everything zeroes in on the places where Wheeler’s touching Claudio. He thinks, as they both build to a crescendo, that this being what’s lined up for his future might be as close to heaven as anyone will get.

“Close,” he near whimpers, and when Claudio’s big hand wraps around his cock, that’s almost it for him. “So close.”

“I’ll take care of you,” Claudio says, and it feels like a promise beyond this moment.

“I’ll take care of you, too,” Wheeler promises back.

They don’t come exactly in sync, but it’s close, and Wheeler’s giggling just a little bit as Claudio pulls out of him and strokes his hair.

“What’s so funny?!”

“I just,” Wheeler turns around, looks up at Claudio. “Like, we’re married. We get to do that for the rest of our lives.”

Claudio lights up, his smile so goddamn sweet it makes Wheeler want to cry a little. “We do.”

Claudio washes Wheeler’s hair, and they fall into bed soon after, rings on their fingers and forever in front of them

~

Wheeler wakes up, deliciously sore and mildly exhausted, to the sound of his phone ringing.

“Could people stop fucking calling me early in the morning?” he whines. He rolls over to see the caller ID. His dad. “Hey, Dad, what’s up?”

“So, if I did something a little impulsive,” Mox says, and Wheeler can practically see the way his body is vibrating, “are you going to freak out?”

“Why do you sound like a teenager who’s about to announce she’s pregnant?” Wheeler sits up. “Oh, god, I’m not getting a baby sister, am I?”

“No, shut up, I got those parts removed years ago,” Mox says. “You know that.”

Wheeler immediately relaxes. The sleep is fading from his mind, and the world is starting to make a little more sense. “Okay. So, what’s going on?”

There’s a bit of an awkward silence. “Um,” Mox says. “So. Will and I –”

“Will – Regal?!” Wheeler says. “Oh, my god, did you hook up with him again?”

“Not – okay, yes, but responsibly this time.” He sighs. “Potato, I’ve, uh. I’ve made some mistakes in my life. And I’ve made some unbelievably good moves. You, for one. But not following up with William after he left was a mistake.” Wheeler thinks he can half see what his dad is doing right now – flexing his fingertips, pacing, rolling his shoulders. “We spent the night talking. And. Not, talking, I guess. And I wanted to see if it was okay with you if he and I gave it a real chance this time,”

Wheeler blinks. Claudio, awake now, seems to be following the conversation intently. “Are you asking me to give you permission to date a man who may or may not be my father?”

“Sort of,” Mox says. “I don’t want to jump into something if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Wheeler gives himself some time to sit with it. He doesn’t know which man is his father, that’s true. He knows who his dad is though. And he wants his dad to be happy more than he wants much else. “Whatever makes you happy, Dad,” Wheeler says. “Really. I want you to be happy.”

Mox sighs over the phone. “I won the lottery with you, kid. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dad. Go have weird old people sex with your new boyfriend.”

“We aren’t – don’t say it like that!” Mox says through a laugh. “Ugh, who raised you. Alright. I’ll let you go back to sleep. Have a great day, baby.”

“You too.”

Wheeler hangs up and drops to the bed, sighing.

“Everything okay, Schatzi?” Claudio rests a hand on Wheeler’s stomach, ring glinting in the morning sun.

Wheeler snuggles into him, pressing his face into Claudio’s chest, where he knows the word home. “Yeah,” Wheeler says, unable to stifle a smile, “everything’s amazing.”

[saltiestsoprano]

Went to the ENT today, my doctor noted hearing loss in lower frequencies which matches what I’m feeling. I can hear most higher/treble stuff but anything resonating in that bass area hard to hear or gone. Hence why I feel like I’m underwater. I was prescribed a steroid and a follow up on six months. The doctor doesn’t predict this loss to be permanent. Everything is acute not chronic so far. Tomorrow I see the ortho for my neck. Already getting some collections texts even though I haven’t received a statement yet so gotta gird my loins for that fight. Gotta love the American healthcare system.

Today was the first day I took a subway, and the trauma response is worse than the injuries. I was only able to stomach about ten minutes at a time before getting off the train and walking or being forced to use Lyfts/rideshare. The anxiety using the subway is going to be my biggest hurdle to jump, and psychiatry and counseling are also the hardest appointments to arrange. My spouse’s graduation was yesterday and there was no way for me to go thanks to the train trauma and how expensive a Lyft/taxi would have been. My assailant has taken so much from me.

Please continue to boost my signal it’s made such a difference but I’m still out of work so no income is coming in aside from the fundraiser. I haven’t heard from the detective assigned to my case in a few days so obviously no one has been caught. It’s a big mess and it’s hard not to feel hopeless. Thank you to everyone boosting my signal and reaching out. It DOES help.

Hello everyone, I was attacked unprovoked on the Subway yesterday. I believe I was targeted because I was wearing my pride shirt work uniform I am also a bisexual woman with a very public presence on the internet and in the city as I am a performer at Ellen’s Stardust Diner in Times Square. I was beaten badly and taken to hospital by ambulance. It took two phone calls to 911 and an hour wait for police to arrive, so clearly my assailant got away. The cops also victim blamed me for the attack as if sitting quietly with your AirPods on is somehow not being vigilant enough at 3 o’clock in the afternoon on a busy subway car. But what else do we expect from the NYPD at this point. I have large bruises and giant swellings on the right side of my head, and it’s caused my vision to blur, my hearing is gone because my eardrum is filled with fluid and I am dizzy and nauseas all the time. Laying down is painful because of the contusions but sitting up is miserable too. Until my visions improves, my hearing returns and my bruises and swelling fade I don’t know when I’ll be able to return to work not even considering the fear of taking the subway now. More of what happened is explained in my fundraiser I’m linking. But I could use the help of the good folks on the internet. If you could donate and share or if you can’t donate please share. My husband is the organizer and can also answer any questions you have. Please boost my signal, I really need the help right now.

[pluviophile-imagines]

I'm sorry, I did find you on tiktok and I love your works now...

And tbh I've noticed tiktok does tend to recycle videos no matter how old they are which is weird

Ah, no need to apologize! I just like to be aware of these things when they happen, yanno?

I’m not on tiktok anymore, haven’t had the app downloaded in abt two years now, so I don’t know anything abt the algorithm I just assumed that past the first lil bit it stops pushing the vid. So ty for telling me!

[formerly-jannequinard]

Leveva truly is dat bitch huh