#gotta find a new therapist 🙃🙃🙃

[sidewalk-scrawls]

Anybody else feeling symptoms from 2017 roaring their ugly heads

[gracegrove]

Change

🙃 a little snip bc I had to find a new therapist

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"You have no goals, Billy," the therapist stated from behind his desk, "I cannot help you if you have no goals."

Crossing his arms, Billy leaned back into the stiff office chair. "I have goals... you just don't like them."

The therapist looked at him with shrewd eyes. "You have no short-term goals. Ones to improve your mental health..."

"Getting outta this shithole of a town will improve my mental health."

"That's a long-term goal."

"Whatever."

The therapist set his notepad aside. "Look, Billy, I genuinely want to help you, but until you're willing to put some work in there's nothing for us to do."

Billy scoffed, rising to his feet. "Some help you are." He quit the room with the door slamming behind him.

"Fuck 'em," Billy told himself as he drove out of the business lot.

This was stupid. He had goals. He knew exactly what he wanted and how to work for it. He wouldn't let some poindexter in a tweed suit tell him what he was or wasn't capable of.

Weeks passed and things remained the same. Work, drink, smoke, repeat. Billy's mood was foul. Over the past week, Max started avoiding him and Steve started driving by to pick her up.

Digging around in the refrigerator, a lit cigarette in his mouth Billy grumbled as he set to making his lunch for the next day. Bread, pickles, mustard... where's the bologna? Where's the goddamned bologna?

Not pulling his head from inside the fridge Billy asked aloud, "Where'd the meat go?"

Susan looked up from the table, "What?"

"The bologna," Billy stated, poking his head out the door, "where is it?"

"I used the last of it for yesterday's lunches."

Grinding his teeth, Billy chewed into his cigarette, the filter threads spreading across his tongue. "How'm I supposed to make a damn sandwich with no meat?"

Susan looked at him wordlessly.

"Chill out, it's just some cold cuts," Max piped in from the living room, "just buy a burger or something."

Billy slammed the fridge shut, "I shouldn't have to spend my money when you could eat less!"

Max got up from the couch heading toward the kitchen, "Girl's gotta eat..."

Billy met her in the small hall space and breathed smoke into her face. "You wanna eat so bad, go make your own money."

"You need help!" Max snapped.

Billy slammed his fist against the trailer wall startling Max, before he stalked off to his room.

Collapsing onto his bed, he ashed his desiccated cigarette on the dirty plate sitting on his nightstand.

"I fucking need something," he thought to himself.

Which is why he was now here, sitting in this waiting room. Staring blankly at the saltwater fish tank with three fish and a bubbling treasure chest.

"Billy?" A squat woman with large coke bottle glasses was in the doorway.

"Yeah, that's me."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Come on in."

[stealtharchaeologist]

@modernpolymath Hoo boy, that was a LOT. Sorry for the very long responses in turn, I am working through some thoughts. Thank you SO MUCH for all of this good information. Here we go:

I looked up the tests for IH, I've done overnight sleep tests but not the naps. I will totally bring this up to my sleep doc. Very curious if the naps would find anything interesting or useful.

Yeah, I have a gastroenterology appointment in May. It's funny that you and I had discussed Crohn's a long, long time ago, but I never considered it for myself until recently. I've got SOME sort of IBD, for sure, but we'll see what exactly. Very interesting that there's some sort of connection between IBD and sleep issues? Makes sense inasmuch as, if you're not properly absorbing nutrients, you'd be tired, but I wonder if there's more connection than that?

I had NO IDEA narcolepsy was potentially autoimmune! Fascinating! My pain doc told me at some point that she usually sees autoimmune disorders come in threes. I've had rheumatoid arthritis my whole life, and was just diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, so gotta find number 3. Likely Crohn's. It totally makes sense, if your immune system is gonna erroneously attack one thing, why shouldn't it attack all the things?

Have you been able to stay off of the Remicade? I know biologics are super rough, so even if going off of it didn't help your fatigue, I hope you are able to do okay without it.

I will do some more research on the modafinil. The liver toxicity language was starting to get too technical for me when I was digging before, but I'll stick with it this time, lol.

Ohhhh. Thank you for the heads up. I'm between birth control methods right now. I was on Depo Provera for like... eight years? Then got a new gyno and she didn't want to continue it. Apparently long term use causes bone density loss, and since osteoporosis runs rampant in my family, I saw the wisdom in discontinuing. She suggested the arm implant, but, uh... I have... a Major Problem with picking at any sort of blemishes or weird spots on my skin, so I am Concerned that I would not leave it alone. ://// Really stupid, I know. But I'll bring up the modafinil interference at my next appointment so that we can make a decision with that in mind. I have GOT to restart birth control ASAP. My last period sent me to the ER. 🙃 Fucking love endometriosis.

Oh. Well, shit. I very much ruin my routine on weekends; I tend to not take the modafinil (or drink coffee) and sleep through either Saturday or Sunday. Wahhhh. I'll, uh. Have to seriously consider stopping that.

... to be fair, staying awake on the weekend would improve my mental health. Like. Being only ever at work or in bed means that I do basically nothing wrt leisure activities, which weighs really heavily on me, lol. It would be nice to like, play a video game. Make art. Read a book.

HMMMM. Never even considered that since I'm not hypermobile... though as I say that, I'm reminded that my physical therapists tend to comment on my flexibility... but I've never dislocated anything and my skin isn't stretchy. I will do some digging. I've got a friend with EDS, I'll see if she'll let me pick her brain a bit.

So you did 23&Me? Did it find anything else useful? I am deeply skeptical of the DNA testing trend, but like, if it has actual medical uses, I may reconsider?

Again, thank you so much for all the info. You're giving me a lot to investigate, think about, and potentially act upon. Which I've desperately needed.