#got to dress up and everything. i had a blast. so gender.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

watched Grease the other night with my buddy and. well. obviously i Had To

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

🦉 🩹 if you’re still doing them!

Unexpected Surprises - Jack Delroy/Reader

Warnings: Gender neutral reader, no use of Y/N, mentions of Minne's sickness and death, Jack is a miserable drunk, sad unrequited kisses, the reader makes a deal.

Wordcount: 5486

Summary: 'Night Owl Co-host' wasn't the job you signed up for, and you really weren't prepared to be a TV personality when getting coffee for the real stars was what you were expecting, but maybe you could do this as long as your new friends kept cheering you on.

Notes: According to my docs I've written for Jack more than anyone so far, him and Abner have so much love in my inbox and I'm so happy for that 😊 I almost missed this one since I saved the starts in my drafts, so I'm super glad I looked lol. Bit different plot this time, so far it's my only fic without smut for him haha but I've wanted to explore this kind of friendship for a while, so I'm glad I was able to get the chance to, I hope you enjoy it~ 💗💗💗

When you went in for your interview at UBC Studies, you expected to get stuck with the unfortunate but decent-paying job of getting others some coffee, taking some calls, and being bossed around by some snooty TV people who thought themselves better than you. What you didn't expect was for them to take one look at you, hear your voice and match it with your outgoing personality, and instead give you a job alongside their newest sign, Jack Delroy, as his co-host. You didn't know a thing about the guy, just that he came from radio, and those people had a tendency to be just as stuck up as their television counterparts. You weren't excited, but the paycheck was miles better than what you would've gotten had you gone with the internship, so you spent the next month preparing your best showman self for the cameras with the help of your friends and family, who were all excited to see you make an absolute fool of yourself on live television.

Schadenfreude, your oldest foe.

The dress rehearsal ran fine, the seats all empty as everyone practiced their cues for the first show, got used to where they'd be sitting or standing or pointing their cameras, backstage abuzz with energy as people grabbed coffee to calm their nerves about tomorrow and sneakily poured in a little extra flavour of their own when that didn't help. The man of the hour himself, Mr. Delroy, or Jack as he wanted everyone to call him, seemed pretty okay, he'd only had a chance to give you a quick hello before he was being rushed off to go over his markers, and you were in the middle of wondering where the hell you were supposed to come in when you were ushered off to the area beside the band. You were to stay there primarily, offer your own comedic quips as you saw fit as long as they were sponsor-safe, but for the most part you just had to rehearse your own bits to go along with his teleprompted speeches.

Basically: stand there, look nice, boost him up.

So you did just that, your grin as wide as it would go as everyone practiced, you really needed this job and you were not about to serve coffee to these people after being their boss, your charm on full blast just like his as final checks were given and everyone celebrated in early excitement for tomorrow night. That was another thing, getting stuck on Night Owls meant you had to become one, no more early bedtimes so you could get in a good 10 hours; now you would be getting home at almost 2AM after everything, and still be expected to get up at 7 so you could be a model citizen and do things like shop and go to the bank and socialize. You dreaded that part more than the job itself, already feeling tired as you pulled into the lot and dragged yourself over to his studio. 

It was already busy again, other shows already filming as you traversed the back halls you were now familiar with, and you made sure you looked presentable before stepping backstage to find Jack and go over your very first routine together. You found him talking to your producer, Leo Fiske, who was already smoking what had to be his second pack of the day and running on pure nerves while Jack looked so wired he might've actually been able to run a mile or two before the show started. Neither noticed you until you approached, Jack’s eyes meeting yours a second before Leo turned and grabbed onto your shoulders.

‘The hell have you been?’ he instantly demanded, Jack muttering for him to calm down as you tore yourself free and readjusted your sleeves.

‘There's still an hour before the show, I'm not late,’ you defended yourself, Leo shaking his head and motioning towards everyone already there.

‘I dunno what kinda job you had before this, but if you're an hour early you're already an hour late,’ he explained, Jack hushing him again before Leo noticed something else and had to run off and fix it before he could continue with you. You just stared, used to his eccentric personality already, so you weren't upset or anything, but this would definitely not help your desire to go home and go to bed in the upcoming nights.

‘Don't worry about him,’ Jack said softly as he watched him go, your hand already up to wave off his concern.

‘I really don't,’ you admitted with a chuckle, and as you went for your own coffee you realized that this was the first time you'd actually been alone with him since production started; despite being co-hosts, both of your attentions had been torn elsewhere the past month, all your smalltalk and introductions surrounded by other people and large gaps as you stood in your places and worked out what activities you'd be doing as the show went on. ‘So, big night tonight, huh? I've never done anything like this before, if I mess up I'll have to quit,’ you joked, and he just drank the rest of his coffee before shaking his head and tossing the cup into the trash.

‘Nah, I've seen how quick you are on your feet, if you make any mistakes I'm sure you'll be able to spin it and make the audience laugh, and that's all that really matters,’ he told you with a smile, and you felt something flutter in your stomach at the sight of it; okay, weird, he wasn't usually your type and was technically more your boss than anything despite being around the same age, you'd have to decipher that one when you got home tonight. ‘Besides, if you can't think of anything I'll be sure to cover you, I've done my fair share of, you'll forgive the expression, fuck ups on air,’ he admitted lowly with a wink, the fluttering turning to something stronger as you just nodded back. 

‘What're you doing still standing around? You think you're gunna wear that on camera? I told you to match with Jack, there's gotta be something in here we can get you in- Jesus, tomorrow you two are going shopping together so you don't clash like this again.’ Leo was a flash flood of words as he came up behind you, your eyes wide as you had seconds to take in what he was saying before you were being herded off towards the section of backstage dedicated to makeup, hair, and costumes. Jack just chuckled as he followed after so that the poor woman would know how to match you, your carefully picked outfit respectfully torn off of you behind a curtain while Leo flipped through the available backups while ignoring the advice of the costumer. 

By the time midnight was finally about to hit, you were wearing an entirely new outfit, Jack was making sure everything was in place, and Leo was halfway through that second pack as you took a deep breath and headed out in front of everyone. The seats were all packed to your surprise, you weren't sure for the longest time if this new late night show would be able to compete with the others, but as you got into position and the band started to warm up, you felt a new confidence take over as you pictured how hard Jack had been working to get here, how much he wanted this. As such, you gave it your all as you announced your sponsors and very first guests, your best professional voice on as you mimicked other hosts you'd been watching to prepare for tonight. The music was loud behind you, upping your energy even more as Jack’s cue ramped up, and when you called out his name and everyone cheered you felt a bit of pride join the butterflies as the door opened and he danced out.

‘Good evening, Night Owls! I’m your host, Jack Delroy, and thank you for allowing me into your living rooms for the first of what I hope will be many, many shows,’ he declared as he took his mark, an extremely brief prayer to the heavens you noticed was not part of his rehearsals offered up now that he was in front of the cameras. ‘I’d like to thank everyone who helped bring this dream to life, especially my dear mom and dad back in Berwyn, Illinois, who I know are sitting in front of their TV set, big smiles on their faces, watching “The Tonight Show” with Johnny Carson.”’ A drum beat was hit right on cue as he made a pained face, the audience eating it up as you also couldn’t help but laugh despite hearing the bit over and over while he practiced, and the smile that followed kicked those butterflies into overdrive as he gazed up at everyone starting to fall in love with him already.

You felt that pride only grow as the night went on, Jack feeding you all the energy you needed throughout the show until you didn't need it anymore, the two of you meshing so well it was like you'd always known each other. All of his jokes landed, his personality translated greatly to the camera, and you couldn't help but tease when a woman in the audience called him handsome, his face lighting up faster than the 4th of July at the comment. You saw it and couldn't help but join in, Jack hiding from the cameras playfully as the audience agreed, someone else saying they'd been listening to his show for years and that he did not have a face for radio, and when he laughed loud you laughed right along with him.

All in all it was a successful first night, very much so if you did say so yourself, and when it was over and the cameras were cut you all gathered out on stage for hugs and cheers as the audience gave their final applause and headed out the doors. Leo, who might have burned straight through to his fourth pack you did not doubt, hooked his arms around both your neck and Jack's, big kisses pressed to your cheeks as he promised champagne for everyone who was still awake enough to stick around. You wanted to decline, go home and sleep, but the moment you saw Jack loosen his tie and accept a glass for a toast you found yourself not so tired anymore.

You got more used to your new schedule as the weeks turned to months, Night Owls getting more popular as time went on to everyone's delight, and as you became closer as co-hosts you ended up finding a pretty good friend in Jack as well. Being a proper night owl was hard, but he helped you get into a livable routine of it as he invited you out before the show, made sure you got used to eating so you wouldn't be running on empty despite the late hour, a quick coffee not enough to cut it you learned after the first week.

It was while you were out on one of these pre-show dinners that you learned about Madeleine, his girlfriend that he'd met a couple months ago and officially asked out with the news that Night Owls was in the Top 10. Your smile faltered for just a second before you caught yourself and shook her hand, and she was polite and beautiful as she sat down next to Jack and blushed as he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her neck. You'd never seen him like this before, so doting and flustered and very clearly in love as he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, and you kept your smile up all the way through their talks about how they met, how much she adored him while he tried to switch the conversation to her, up until you headed for the show, and when you walked through the doors Leo took one look at you and offered you his whiskey without a word, a new one already poured by the time you drank it back.

You weren't jealous of Madeleine, you weren't, but by God if you didn't feel a twinge every time she showed up backstage on her way home from one of her own shows to kiss him goodnight. He was head over heels and it showed when he went on stage, his energy unmatched as he delivered the best hours of his life to the masses every weeknight. You were there for every single one, never letting the facade crack as you stood next to him, played off his jokes, spun the wheel and got more hugs than him from happy winners as his slightly younger and conventionally attractive counterpart, as Leo once described you, and even acted alongside him in some random sketches since you both weren't actors and your campiness brought charm to it. 

You weren't jealous of her, but you couldn't deny your feelings for him the night he announced his engagement, not even a year into their relationship, as Jack tapped his glass with his knife and got everyone's attention. He declared it to the room, everyone who was able to attend out for a big Night Owl dinner to celebrate one year on air, and after you all toasted to that he surprised you all with invitations to the wedding, which was to be a small gathering of just their family and closest friends, which he now considered all of you to be. You toasted to that as well, but didn't realize you'd started crying until Leo handed you a tissue and offered to pour you more wine, since you'd just finished off your glass. You didn't stand out, some of the others were crying too over the news, but you had a feeling that Leo knew your tears weren't in joy for the happy couple when he offered you his handkerchief next.

It got better with time, honestly you didn't even think that your crush was that strong to begin with, it was more so the fact that your best friend was taken than anything, and you were able to push past it with great success. As the first year turned into two you only became closer, and you didn't even feel jealous anymore when you and Leo were invited up to Madeleine's family cottage up in the mountains that Christmas. You had a wonderful time, and you joined in the teasings right along with her as Jack was gifted the ugliest sweater you'd ever seen in your life, which he of course wore proudly while denying its ugliness, although you could not tell if it was just another bit or not. Gifts were exchanged, drinks were had, and when you fell asleep in the spare room while watching the snowfall outside you felt like you'd found yourself a family with those three, and that meant much more to you than any crush ever would.

It broke your heart when Madeleine's diagnosis was shared with you that morning a few years in, genuinely shattered it as his voice cracked and he had to cover his mouth to stop himself from breaking down. ‘We just received the news last night,’ he confided in you, the two of you currently having breakfast together because he couldn't be home when she wasn't there. ‘Her parents are coming down, her sister is at the hospital with her while she's doing more tests to be sure, I don't… I stopped smoking inside for her, she hated the smell of it, and she's never smoked a day in her life, I don't understand, I just don't-’

You reached across the table to place your hand on his arm, and he held onto you as he finally did break down, people glancing over to watch and guess as you fought not to glare at them. You moved to his side of the table, protecting him with your silhouette, and when the waitress came over to take your orders you asked for a bit more time while he hunched over his cold coffee and just breathed.

The atmosphere was solemn as Jack wheeled Madeleine backstage to get ready, both of your friends looking like the life had been sucked out of them as everyone gave her their polite but quiet hellos. You went last, only going because Leo nudged you directly in the spine to get your legs to move, and she took off her oxygen mask so she could pull you down into a tight hug.

‘Take care of him for me,’ she whispered in your ear just quietly enough for you to hear, and you knew you were crying before you could even pull away.

You gave them all the space they needed during the show, no time for quips or jokes as she talked about how they met, their hands clasped the entire hour as everyone just listened. No one hid their tears, not even Jack as she told him she loved him, and she was still beautiful as you saw him whisper it back to her.

When the show was over there were so many goodbyes, no one honestly knew how much time she had left, and she still made sure to talk to everyone until it became too much and she needed a break. The crowd thinned then, until it was just you, Jack and Madeleine, and even Leo, who refused to leave until he could lock up the place, although you all knew why he kept hanging around. He didn't even smoke as she was brought back out to their car, your producer graciously helping Jack lift her into her seat even though she insisted she could, just to be polite.

You felt useless as you just stood there, making sure the chair wouldn't roll away until it was folded and placed carefully into the backseat, and when you and Leo waved them goodbye he didn't even complain and say that life was tough so you'd better get used to it when you clung to his jacket and cried about how unfair the world was being to your friends.

Madeleine passed two weeks later, and it was to no one's surprise when Jack went missing.

Even you didn't know where he was as you waited in your apartment for a single sign that he was still in New York, your phone pulled so far into the living room to make sure you'd hear it from any room if it rang that you’d tripped on the overextended cord a couple times already. It was weird not going to work, but even still your body didn't let you sleep until 2AM as usual no matter what time you climbed into bed. Despite that, it was hard to wake up knowing that Madeleine was now gone and Jack was nowhere to be found, and you ended up a bit of a recluse once the tabloids found out where you lived and tried to see if you knew anything.

You didn't, which stung, but even if you did you'd never say a thing to lead them to wherever he was, you could never betray your friend like that when he was hurting so much.

It was around midnight during the middle of the second week that your phone finally rang, and when all you heard on the other side was Leo's voice giving you an address you had barely enough sense to write it down and race over as fast as you could. You found Jack there, at Leo's second house just outside New York, the address unlisted so the vultures couldn't get to him when he needed a break, the man of the hour looking so tired and drained it was like a part of him literally died along with her, not just figuratively. The first thing you did was want to hug him the moment you saw him sitting in the next room, but before you could Leo grabbed you by the arm and all but dragged you through the nearest door, which ended up being a much too spacious closet for one Leo Fiske, you thought.

‘Take it easy on him, he almost went back to Chicago,’ he told you in a hushed voice, which only made you feel worse because you wouldn’t have known. ‘He’s been crashing here since the funeral, said home was too painful or something, only just today let me tell you he was here cause he isn’t about to run anymore.’ He tried to play it off that he didn’t care and that this was a nuisance to him, but you could see in his eyes that he was just as worried as you were.

‘I will,’ you promised as you kept yourself from crumbling, just knowing that he’d been here hiding from the world because his pain was too much made your heart ache, and when Leo finally let you go you approached him carefully; he was hunched over a photo album, it stuffed with the years they’d spent together, a bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and his half-filled glass in hand as he looked too miserable to even cry anymore. ‘Jack?’ you asked softly, and when he looked up it was almost like he didn’t even see you as he expected to see Madeleine once more, like this was all one big bad dream and he was about to wake up.

‘Oh, when did you get here?’ he mumbled when his eyes focused and saw you, and you couldn’t hide your own pain as you moved to sit down.

‘Just now, Leo called me,’ you explained, a bit of space between you as he nodded, drank the rest of his whiskey, and turned the page.

‘Ah yeah, I told him he could, didn’t I?’ It wasn’t really a question, and he didn’t wait for your answer as he tried to pour himself more and ended up dropping the bottle. It shattered against the hard surface of the table and spilled the dark liquid everywhere, his album almost falling into it before your hands quickly shot out to save it. At the thought of him almost ruining what he had left of her he broke down again, whiskey dripping onto the carpet below as he hid his face in his hands and started to cry.

‘I got it, Jack,’ Leo quickly said as he tossed down some embroidered towels to soak it up, clearly money wasn’t an issue for him as he ruined even more of his expensive things to help his friend, the album set safely aside as the two of you cleaned up his mess.

‘My fault, it’s all my fault…’ he moaned as his legs were lifted and more towels were tossed down, his movements starting to sway as the alcohol took hold of him. ‘Minnie, what did I do…?’

‘I think it’s time he gets to bed, you’ll find it upstairs, 3rd door on the left,’ Leo muttered under his breath as Jack almost fell onto the cushions, gravity starting to take hold as well. You just nodded and stood, hoisting his arm over your shoulders and helping him stand while Leo took care of the mess, the sound of the couch being moved following you all the way to the stairs. You trailed whiskey footsteps behind you for a bit, shiny shoe prints that showed where you’d been as you headed up, his head still lucid enough that he didn’t fall or leave you to support his weight entirely.

His bedroom was a wreck, the splendor of the house lost in the mess he’d made in his depression, but you just carefully stepped around fallen clothes and his open suitcase until you reached the bed. He collapsed onto it and just sobbed, it making him look small for once as he curled up, and you were in the middle of taking his shoes off for him when he looked up and something flashed across his face. ‘Oh, there you are, when did you get here?’ he asked again, and you swallowed the thick lump in your throat as you placed his shoes on the ground.

‘Just now,’ you repeated, and he nodded before staring at the empty space beside him. He whimpered as he ran his hand over the comforter, it was too empty after so many years of her being beside him every night, and when you sat down and his hand found yours in the dark you didn’t object. He pulled you into that space, eyes unfocused again in his drunken haze, he was absolutely ruined and you wished you could do more for him as you brushed his hair out of his eyes and let him find comfort in your presence.

‘What did I do… this was never supposed to happen…’ he was murmuring to himself, and you just whispered that it was okay, his hand finding your face next as he traced the shapes in the dim light. ‘It was never supposed to turn out this way… you have to believe me… please believe me, Minne…’ You shut your eyes, your hand trembling as you held his hand and tried to decipher what he meant, but you were never able to as he suddenly let out a small gasp, the hand gently brushing your cheek now pressed against you fully. ‘Minnie?’

Your eyes shot open to see him staring at you, his own glazed over from the whiskey as he saw her in your face, and you only cried harder as he started to sit up.

‘I’ve missed you, I missed you so much,’ he told her, but she was you, and he couldn’t hear your voice as he wrapped his hand around the back of your neck and held you close. You didn’t look anything like her, but it must not have mattered as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips cold against your skin as he sobbed, and you were ready to pretend until sleep took him when you felt him kiss you properly; you pulled away, startled, but he held on tight and tried again, the tears never stopping as he whispered apologies against your mouth, and when he tried a third time you kissed him back.

You hadn’t had feelings for him in years, there were no butterflies as your friend then curled against your chest and hugged you around the waist as he kept mumbling nonsense only he understood, but you’d give him one more minute with Madeleine if you truly could, you would trade anything for that. You couldn’t find Jack Delroy in the man falling asleep against you, he was missing just as much as she was as you rubbed his back and let him rest, and when Leo came upstairs and found you like that he just sighed and walked over. He didn’t say a word as he helped free you, his handkerchief offered to you again as you wiped your eyes and blew your nose, Jack now sleeping as peacefully as his heart would let him.

‘I’ll stay with him, it’s been bad tonight, you head home for now,’ he said softly, and you nodded before giving him one final glance and walking back to the front door. It felt even colder out as you headed for your car, the keys in your hand when you heard footsteps behind you, and when you spun around you saw a stranger standing there, leaning against Leo’s car. ‘Who’re you?’ you demanded angrily, you were not about to allow some lowlife paparazzi to invade this place and take pictures of his grief, but he had no camera on him, the stranger just holding up a hand nonchalantly.

‘Just a friend of Jack’s, I heard he was here,’ the man replied, and your brows furrowed instantly.

‘I know Jack’s friends, I’ve never seen you before,’ you hissed, and he shrugged and pulled out a cigarette.

‘We met back in Cali years ago, when I heard what happened I came down right away.’ He lit the end with a large, Zippo lighter, an owl etched into the side facing you you were just barely able to see in the moonlight, and it clinked loudly shut as he blew the smoke your way. ‘You two, you seem pretty close, anything going on that I should know about?’

‘Wha- how dare you insinuate anything just weeks after his wife-’ you started to threaten as you stepped closer, and he held up his hand again and brushed shoulder-length, blonde hair aside with a small laugh.

‘Easy, it was just an observation,’ he chuckled, but you still wanted to punch his lights out as he blew more smoke towards you and made you cough. ‘You’d still do anything for him though, right? I mean, working together for so many years, becoming that close, it must tear you up inside to see him like this, doesn’t it?’

‘Of course it does, they’re my family, Madeleine was my friend, if I could help him in any way then I would, it’s not even a question,’ you spat out, your voice rising just enough for him to motion for you to calm down before you garnered any attention from nosy neighbours.

‘So if you could help him, you would?’ he asked cryptically, and you didn’t know what kind of friend he was supposed to be, but you wouldn’t lie about this, not when you still had his tears drying on your shirt.

‘Yes, I would trade anything to be able to help him get his life back,’ you said seriously, and you swore you saw the stranger’s blue eyes shine as the clouds above uncovered the moon.

‘Interesting, you really care about him, huh?’ he thought aloud, and when you just nodded he chuckled again and held the cigarette between his lips. ‘I’ll ask our mutual friends back in Cali if they know any tricks to get him outta this funk, he’ll be back on camera in no time,’ he told you, cutting off your anger at his depression being condensed down to just a ‘funk’ as he held out his hand for you to shake. You didn’t want to, but he wasn’t letting up as his smile only grew, the corner of his mouth twitching eagerly as he waited, so you just sighed and grabbed on for the world’s fastest shake when he held on tight, grabbed his cigarette, and pressed the end directly into the back of your hand.

‘Ow! What the fuck?!’ you yelped as you pulled back, but there was no mark to go along with the burn, and when you looked back up you were alone again, the clouds covering the moon once more as an owl hooted in the darkness beyond where you couldn’t see.

Two weeks later, Jack was all over the news again as UBC announced his return, along with the addition of his new co-host, an old TV veteran by the name of Gus McConnell who meshed with him so well it was like he’d always been there. You smiled as you heard the news, something in your chest aching as you watched from your parents’ couch; you’d gotten sick the past week and had to quit your old job, temporarily moving back home with them since it was getting bad enough you couldn’t take care of yourself, unfortunately, but everyone was hopeful for the future thanks to your determination.

The memory of whatever your old job was was hazy now as a cough wracked through you, but that didn’t matter much as you got cozy under the blanket and tried not to let the pain overtake your excitement. You’d been a fan of Jack’s for years, you could still remember his first show so clearly almost like you’d been there, but you’d never had the time to grab yourself a ticket to join the studio audience no matter how much fun you thought it would be. The segment wasn’t long, just a quick announcement since he’d disappeared somewhere for a month, but you still watched with bated breath as a date showed up on screen.

His return show would be the following Monday, a fresh start to make up for his absence, and already you were excited to watch as you grabbed the remote and flipped from the news to a movie you could fall asleep to despite the early hours of the day. You were a night owl, tried and true, and you wanted to be awake for midnight so you could catch that night’s rerun in preparation for Monday, the small, circular birthmark on the back of your hand throbbing faintly as you shut your eyes and fell asleep.

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

Sort of faintly connected to your awesome on-off disucssion about Matty's identity and different ways of presenting himself, when I watching the stream of the Halloween show I really felt like something about being in costume freed him up to be looser, more fun, maybe more "himself" in some ways. I do think part of what I was seeing was just that last night was a break in what must sometimes be an exhausting routine of repeating most of the show over and over again, but I wondered what you thought about how dressing up as a character seemed to dial down his self-consciousness levels. (I'm sure there's a fic idea somewhere in here, also). Forgive the long ask, I'm procrastinating on a work task! 😂

I mean, yes: this is absolutely spot on.

Let me start off by saying I haven't watched much from last night, or from this tour in general really. I am going through a personal content detox because I started off very annoyed at the whole concept of SATVB and I really want to get to my shows next week (!!!!!!) without too much bias.

I am an ATVB girl at heart, it was my first tour that I followed closely both as it was happening and obviously afterwards (the amount of ATVB content I consumed while writing ILYDYM is worrying and I can tell you pretty much everything about any date, god help me), and I find myself missing the "method acting" bit in some capacity. Not the capacity that was driving Matty's mental health into the ground, obviously, but the bit that effectively allowed him to play a character every single night (albeit one very very similar to his own self) and then in the second half completely let go of it and be the real Matty. I remember when I got hit with that realisation at the end of January, just watching as the show transformed from the first to the second half and he blossomed into somebody else, someone familiar and so different from the guy we'd been looking at for the first forty-five minutes.

So this Halloween show was special, yes, because it effectively was the best of both worlds: it allowed him to play a character, do things he normally wouldn't have done for the sake of entertainment (not only other people's, also and most importantly his own), and yet be himself while at it.

And to bring it back to the "Matty is queer" discourse, since that's where I generally gravitate: Halloween is inherently very queer. Dressing up, stretching normal boundaries of appearance, sometimes gender-bending (we all see you and worship you, Adam Hann and John Waugh)... It's all queer as fuck. And even if Matty's chosen costume was admittedly very boring and fairly OBVIOUS for him, I am still happy with it because he looked like he was having an absolute blast. And isn't that why they do what they do, and have done so for the past twenty years, really?

(long ask, even longer reply: apparently I had A Lot Of Thoughts about this ❤️)

[d3l3t3d-deactivated]

I told myself i wanted to list out all of my major accomplishments this year to build some confidence in myself and drown out that little voice that always tells me i’m not good enough— It’s been a hard fucking year with a bitter end, but I have hope that after I move & recover from top surgery, my life will be better than ever. I dedicated this entire year to setting myself up for success, and I intend to reap the rewards, and continue to grow and change for the better in the new year. Without further adieu, this year I—

Performed at Full Spin (twice!!)

Headlined alongside a RPDR queen on tour (on my birthday!!)

Got to perform during halftime at a wrestling show

Performed at a sold out show at Paradise Rock Club, one of my favorite venues (on my drag birthday!)

Performed at House of Blues for another sold out show

Performed at my first brunch (and made the most money I’ve ever made in drag)

Was the special guest at the open stage I started out on

Debuted in a new city for the first time, and did my makeup ON THE TRAIN for it!

Hosted and produced my last college drag show

Survived my first pride as a drag performer

Learned some Taylor Swift & had a blast going out of my comfort zone and performing at a Speak Now show

Performed at a total of 19 different shows this year, and served cunt at every fucking one!!!

Had work accepted into a VHS-themed gallery, and got to put some of my digital drag on tape!! (i've always wanted to do that!!)

Made dozens of new friends, and grew so much closer with old ones. I’ve seriously felt so supported and surrounded by love from my friends this year.

Opened up to my mom about my gender identity and life as a drag performer, to an incredibly warm & supportive response

Got to have my brother see me perform in drag, & met his girlfriend!!

Was called “son” by both my parents for the first time

Bulked up my wardrobe with new costumes, wigs, shoes, and materials

Upped my personal style game outside of drag, (was told that “i’m giving everything I want to give, in and out of drag”)

Marie Kondo’ed my things, and got rid of anything that no longer served me

Invested in my comfort, bought a new bed, bed frame, and bedding, as well as comfortable shoes and a vanity setup

Legally changed my name, and updated my drivers license, SSC, laptop, bank, and everything else under the sun to reflect that change

Got my own insurance, & got off my dad’s plan

Became financially independent from my family

Started 2 new jobs, after months of living gig to gig

Got on food stamps, after getting denied once before

Graduated college, despite the horrible time college was for me

Helped organize a student union, & attended protests for budget transparency

Gotten so much better at standing up for myself, walked out of jobs, classes, and relationships where I was being mistreated, and advocated for myself in academic, medical, and work settings (even when it was hard and it resulted in lost opportunities, if you treat people like that I don't want what you're selling!!!)

Started therapy (twice)

Fought tooth and nail for top surgery, and am getting it in 3 days!!!

Visited Brooklyn, Portland, & Martha’s Vineyard all for the first time

Went swimming in the ocean a lot this summer B) & saw sand sculptures for the first time!!

Started taking regular baths, drinking more tea, and stretching more often

Started journaling

Have been eating better, (3 meals a day!) and taking my daily vitamins

Have developed a weekly chore schedule that works for me as an ADHD-haver

Celebrated one year on testosterone!

Finally found a skincare routine that’s starting to clear up my tboy acne

Took dance lessons with a jazz instructor

Made a bunch of cool stuff! like a cast plastic mask, a dress, styled wigs, digital collages, mixes, & prints!

backed up my computer after over 1000 days

recovered from the deep burnout school, drag, competition, and an abusive relationship left me with, and am brimming with fresh ideas to bring into the new year!!

I deserve everything I’ve worked so hard for!!! I’m hot, funny, talented, and kind. I’m a highly decorated, iconic, title holding drag performer and multi-disciplinary artist. I’m a sweet, understanding, and generous friend. I’m a romantic, just filled to the brim with love to share, and I deserve somebody who sees me as an equal, takes me out on romantic dates, and makes me feel loved and beautiful. I deserve a family who sees and accepts me for who I am, and isn’t always looking for the worst in me, or more concerned about being right than communicating honestly. I deserve the opportunity to heal from the massive amounts of abuse and trauma I faced in my life. I deserve to get to be the person I needed when I was younger. I’ve been through so much at 22, and I’m only getting started.

In 2024 I’m going to be bolder, louder, and take up more space. I’m going to be sooooo annoying in peoples DM’s, because you don’t get things you don’t ask for or work for. I’m going to move somewhere cheaper, save up, adopt a cat, and finally see the dentist. I’m going to be in my hot slut era because I’ll be newly single and recovered from top surgery. I’m going to update my resume and apply to shit I’m under-qualified for. I am going to make art like a motherfucker, and enjoy every second of it. I am going to do things that scare me, and go places I've never gone before. I am going to be so in love with myself it’s disgusting. I am going to continue spread joy and chase new experiences, because god damn it that is what I was put on this earth to do!!!

[tonberry-yoda]

Hi! Can I request a one shot for Genos finding out he's got a crush for the very first time with gender neutral reader that's the opposite of him? Basically a slow burn, friends to lovers, opposites attract each other tropes! and Genos being nervous and confused!!! I'm a sucker for that shit. Thanks in advance and you can change anything to make it more comfortable for you, have a great day!

Hi!!!!!! Just to let you know, I am absolutely OBSESSED with this idea! Thank you so so much for requesting it! I really hope I played it out well and hope you enjoy!! Have a great day anon!!!

Overheating - Genos

Pairing - Genos x gn!reader

Warnings - none! just a ton of fluff

Word Count - 1,290

Notes - i had a blast writing this! thank you so much anon for the request!!

And don’t forget, REQUESTS ARE OPEN! So if you want to request any writing, please don’t hesitate to ask, but please read my pinned post before requesting! Please enjoy!! Don’t forget to stay hydrated! <3

“Well?” You turned to Genos, shaking your keys in front of him. “Are you coming? We don't want to leave Saitama waiting for us.” “O-Oh… right… of course.” You giggled and grabbed Genos’ hand, leading him down the many stairs of your apartment building. Genos liked that you never took the elevator. You told him that you didn't want him to mess up the wiring or bluetooth or whatever shit they put in there and in turn, you didn't want him to shut down in an elevator. It made him feel… cared about. By you. It made him feel all fuzzy whenever he thought about it too hard. He didn't hate that feeling, but he didn't like it either. It was different, and he wasn't used to different. He was used to everything being routine. But one day, you showed up. You’ve known Saitama your whole life, so when you saw some random blonde sitting in his kitchen, you couldn't help but become friends with him. He also liked that about you. How easy it was for people to like you. How easy it was for you to make friends. He sucked at social cues, but you seemed to completely understand them, as if they came to you naturally. Honestly, he was kind of jealous of you. Intrigued, but jealous. That burning feeling he would get in his chest everytime you were around… that had to be jealousy… right?

“Sorry we’re late, Saitama, it seemed our computer was running a little slow.” You ruffled Genos’ hair and he readjusted it, scooting into the booth next to you. He couldn't help but notice the way your elbow would bump against his. The way you played with your straw as Saitama talked to you. The way- “Genos, what are you gonna order?” He was pulled out of a trance, snapped back to reality. He turned to you and tilted his head, his eyes dimming a little. “What are you gonna get, Genos?” “Oh… uh… I don't know yet.” “God, Genos, do you need to update or something? You’re going as slow as my old Windows XP computer.” You giggled and poked at his back as if it would make a difference to his malware. He was considering an update though. What was wrong with him?

---

“Where is Master Saitama?” You turned over to see Genos come through the door, holding bag after bag. “Did you go shopping?” “Yes.” You hummed in response and turned your attention back to the movie you were watching. “Where is Master Saitama?” You looked up. “Oh, did he not tell you?” “No.” “He’s going out for the night. He should be back crazy early though. I was going to be his housesitter, but it's nice to have some company.” You hopped up to help Genos put away all of the groceries he got. He couldn't help but stare a little seeing you in your pajamas. You always had something nice on whenever Genos was around, so seeing you in some basketball shorts and a giant shirt was new to him. “What?” You noticed that he was staring and he quickly looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “My apologies. It is just… new to see you dressed in something so… not put together.” “My pajamas are very put together, thank you!” “Oh… I-... I uh…” “I'm joking.” You gave him a playful smack on the arm as you giggled and Genos sighed, his motors making a very loud exhale sound. “I know I don't usually dress like this, huh? Sorry if you were expecting an outfit for royalty.” “No! Of course not! I…” He felt his face get warm, making him clear his throat. “I like it.” “Aw! Thanks, robo-buddy!” You ruffled his hair and he felt the room somehow get warmer. Was he about to overheat?

He tried taking his mind off of it and went to reach for the last item on the ground, his hand brushing against yours. He jumped back, his arm feeling almost inflamed by the feeling of your hand. You giggled, putting the item in the cabinet. “You’ve been so jumpy lately, Genos, are you okay?” “I-I do not really know.” “Do you need to sit down?” The goofy smile on your face faded and quickly turned to worry. “Um… I think I will be alright… but perhaps I will take a seat.” Genos slumped down on the couch, his face bright red and the engine in his chest making a very loud humming sound. “I'm going to take off your shirt Genos, make sure everything is okay with your engines or whatever.” You slipped off his shirt and his engines were burning hot, you couldn't even touch it. “Uh… you’re burning up… are you going to be okay?” Genos turned to the AC and pointed to it and you quickly turned it on, but since it was Saitama’s house, the damn thing hadn't been turned on in years, immediately shooting dust in your face. You coughed and nearly fell backwards, but was caught by Genos. You smiled like a dork at him and he was very fearful that he would overheat at any moment. How did you do it? How did you smile all the time? How did you seem to always be excited to do something new? How did you put up with Genos, who was monotone and would always just go with the flow? “Thanks, Genos! You’re the best! No wonder you’re an S rank hero! Are you feeling a bit better?” You sat him down on the couch and checked his chest again, seeing that things didn't get much better. “I will be okay. I honestly do not really understand what happened. It is like… whenever you are around I overheat. I get all fuzzy whenever you start talking. Maybe my system is… allergic to you?” You blushed. “Wh-What?” “Yeah. It is strange, I agree. I do not know how to stop it either. But if I am being completely honest, I do not hate the feeling. Perhaps I should talk to Dr. Kuseno.” You turned away. Genos had a crush on you and he didn't even know it. “Genos, I don't think you have to go to the doctor.” “Why not? All of this is confusing, and I-” You put your hand on his shoulder and looked directly into his eyes. “Genos, I think you have a crush on me.” “A crush? I… do not understand.” Now you were the one with an overheating system. “Y-You… uh…” You didn't know how to put it into words. It would be impossible. You of course felt the same, but it had to be different. He was a robot. He was the complete opposite of you. Always trying to figure out new things, extremely intelligent, quiet. All while you were blunt and willing to goof off all the time. You definitely couldn't explain the feeling that either of you had through words. You leaned close and pressed the smallest kiss onto Genos’ cheek. He turned to you with a confused, but adorable expression that nearly made you melt. You couldn't help but giggle as you leaned forward, cupping his cheek. “Is this okay?” Your lips were only inches away from his, your voice barely audible past the sound of his engines and the AC. “Please?” He sounded desperate, like he had been needing this. Needing you. You leaned closer and pressed your lips to his. He pulled you closer so you sat on his lap. You could feel how warm his face was, he was clearly nervous, but he wasn't pulling away.

Instead, the two of you ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms on Saitama’s couch.

[sadaveniren]

Holy shit that was absolutely incredible.

Okay TLDR of Harry’s MSG show

- he’s absolutely amazing. The energy. Absolutely through the roof. I loved the stage design so incredibly much. Good job Molly.

- he literally begins the shows visuals with two blue birds (that look like his tattoos). Daylight is 100% about Louis. The screen tinted green and the blue bird flies around where Harry’s face is framed. The cinema of it all 😱

- I swear when he was singing golden he sounded like he was about to break down in tears. He recovered through adore you and then he got kinda pissy but by the middle of the show he was fine. Idk what happened. Maybe he was upset about something and pulled it together?

- the Mathilda comment was FUCKING LOUD. Like holy shit the SASS.

- also? Kiwi is 100% about stunting and he made it VERY clear that it was about Olivia tonight. “She wears a black dress and she’s an actress she’s an actress”

- the golf dads segment felt rehearsed but very very fun. He really enjoyed it.

- on the opposite end the segment with the little boy who was asleep? HES SO FUNNY. I’m sorry if you don’t understand his sense of humor but HES LEGIT SO FUNNY. Him having everyone be quiet. Loved it.

- his team planted the flag for him to grab off of the keyboard. I hadn’t seen it at all and he didn’t grab it from the floor. And then his photographer put a rainbow beachball right by the keyboard. Harry never touched it but I think his team has been instructed to leave rainbow stuff up for Harry to be able to grab if he wants/feels the need. I say this because right before the first encore when the lights when black the stage was cleaned of everything that had been thrown on it except for three flags at three corners and a pink cowboy hat in the middle of the stage. 🤷🏼‍♀️

- shoutout to the people in the pit having a BLAST with the Congo line during TPWK

- the fluidity between gender I witnessed this show has changed me as a person. No I will not elaborate. Unless you’re my friend

- I also now understand what watermelon sugar is about. no I will not explain

- the way he bows 🥺🥺 totally unrelated: music for a sushi restaurant, I get that one now.

- love of my life had green and pink lighting. I understand that now too. I also understand why it ends the album and music for a sushi restaurant begins it (or if you play it in reverse it it’s flipped. Either way they bookend each other)

- so endearing telling everyone to get home safe 🥺🥺

- I love him very much a lot. I only want good things for him.

[just-want-fluff]

fuck everyone but you

part 3 of the cigarette duet series

(masterlist)

eddie munson x gender neutral reader

cw: smoking, swearing

“I swear to God, I will murder you, Sunwell”. What a lovely way to wake up with a hangover.

I stare back at Steve, who was pacing around the bedroom already dressed, hand covering his mouth, unsure of what to do with himself. Robin was unbothered, sat on the rocking chair contemplating who had actually gone crazy: her friend—who was now walking in circles—or her other friend—who had disappeared last night only to come back and pass out immediately after.

“Not if I murder you first, Harrington!” I got a sudden burst of energy and jumped from the king sized bed, essentially jumping onto Steve’s back while I laughed. I stopped laughing when my head started pulsating. Goddamn hangover.

“Hey! Hey!” Robin sat up and tackled me, grabbing my arms and helping me get down from Steve’s piggy ride. “No murdering, okay? Not with everything that’s going on right now.”

“Look, I know I was late last night, I’m sorry. However, I am my own person. Speaking of which, I have just realized that it is embarrassingly late in the day and”—I take a pause for dramatic effect, raising up my pointer finger into the sky—“I have shit to do!”

I messily get dressed, gather my bag and check that my lighter is still in my jeans and that last night was not just some weird drunk hallucination I had of meeting Eddie Munson, which it wasn’t, in case you were wondering.

Steve and Robin also have to hurry so we all hop in the car, music blasting: Steve drives, Robin struggles with her mascara, basically tearing her eyelid apart, and I sit in the backseat as the freeloader. _____________________________ The sun sets once again, like it did the day before. I was in the parking lot of beloved Hawkings High, basically staring through the sun with my yellow sunglasses on. I try remembering what exactly I talked to Eddie about, but a single part of the conversation kept replaying in my head: “Same time and place tomorrow?”

Was it a joke? Or did he genuinely want to relight the chaotic friendship we had three years ago? I looked at the sunlit clock by the school, struggling to make out the time, but after some squinting it read “6.32”, close enough to the time I went out into the woods last night. I didn’t really have anything to do so, fuck it, right? At least, that was my mindset as I plugged in my headphones prepared for the long walk over to Skull Rock.

At last, I found myself sitting on the same rock as I did 24 hours ago, afraid I might be stuck in some time loop. This was so dumb, I thought. I’m so fucking stupid, I thought. Of course some old friend who I almost forgot existed wasn’t gonna show up, it was just a poor joke.

I lit up a cigarette, frustrated with myself. I stood up and walked around, looking at the poor scribbled trees with all the couples that wrote their names along the years. I basically couldn’t make out a distinct heart or initials anymore, they were all layered over one another. I glanced at my backpack and took out a permanent marker. Why hurt nature when you could make much more permanent art without harming anything? I looked at the intimidating stones in front of me and started scribbling, doodling aimlessly with the black marker. When I took a step back I looked at a drawing of crow with wings wide open, its eyes censored by a black line.

I took out my white marker, wanting to write something over the black, but I was interrupted by a deja-vu, followed by a sweet yet deep voice.

“Holy shit, did you make that?” Eddie basically was summoned from behind a tree as he rushed, not caring which branches he stepped over. He jumped, landing right behind me, as if I wasn’t startled enough.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. But this, this!” he said as he stared at the crow, tracing the black line with his long ring covered fingers and- damn he had cool rings. “This is fucking amazing, Sunwell!”

I sort of just look at him in disbelief, the marker frozen in my hands. Eddie notices my tenseness and I guess he gets awkward too, so he tries to lighten up the mood by taking the pen from my hand and looking at the drawing on the cold stone. “What were you planning to do here?” he says, pointing to the crow’s crossed out eyes.

“I think I wanted to write some edgy shit, but I’m out of ideas” I sigh, crossing my arms and looking down at my feet. When I look back up at Eddie I see what I think is the most beautiful smile I never thought a face could make. Naturally, I smile too and let out an embarrassed laugh.

“What is it?” I question him, sensing he has a mischievous idea.

“Let’s do one of those things like uh.. Oh, I know!” I can see his eyes literally spark as he turns around and starts writing. I try to walk up and see what he’s doing but his wide shoulders cover up the drawing. I can hear him giggle as finally turns around to show me his creation, arms happily held up and pointing as I read the text “Fuck everyone but you”.

I have no idea if he means me personally, if he means it in a dirty sense or if it’s just meant to be edgy, but for some reason I feel a warmth in my chest. Eddie had been looking at me expecting a reaction, which I just now noticed, so I quickly turn to face him.

“I love it”

He takes a step closer and puts his hands on my shoulders. We just stood like that for a moment, smiling like idiots. “Great, cause that would’ve been embarrassing”

In that moment—with his cool rings brushing against my exposed neck and with the sun through his curls—I seriously thought I might melt and die.

He let out a sigh as he dropped his hands back down.

“Hey, what were you doing here by the way?” I get the sudden urge to ask. Did he just stumble over and find me?

“I uh.. I come here a lot to smoke. So if you need me and I’m not at school or home.. Y’know”

“Good to know” I smile at him.

[mr-voorhees-husband]

I loved your hc and fic so much, Could I request a short fic of Tssm!Quentin and the reader going on a lil date :D

YES YESYEYSYSEYS

yes. 100% 1000%

Partially for myself because I wanna be Quentin's gossip partner but I can re-write it to be more romantic if you so desire my friend (also this was written on mobile too, so it will be properly formatted later i promise)

Warnings: a lil body horror in Quentin's story?, Reader + Quentin go on a cute date and do.. idk date things (man I'm aroace idk how dates work)

Reader - Mostly gender neutral but Quentin uses masc compliments

"What happened to 'hanging low'?"

Quentin scoffed at your question, dismissing it with one of his signature smirks. For someone who had the smartest person in the city as his bestfriend, he didn't make the smartest decsions sometimes. His ego wouldn't let him and he was lucky you liked that about him. If you didn't, Quentin would be minus a partner. "Please, Mysterio never hides, especially not when it comes to bringing his handsome partner on a date, my love."

"Mhm," You hummed, taking a sip of the expensive champagne he'd bought, "and what will the wonderful Mysterio do if Spider-man happens to crash our date?"

"Ah-" Quentin got a look on his face, an odd flurry of panic and concern. He'd obviously not thought of it, and it had you biting back a smile from the otherside of the table. It'd been his idea, or rather, his insisting that ended you two in this high end restaurant. It really was nice, expensive as all hell, but nice nonetheless. You were lucky you talked him out of going to another one down the street, a semi-formal dress code was much more appealing than a black-tie one. "Well- he'd beat him, and take his date to a much better restaurant."

"You mean like how you beat him last night?" You were teasing, of course. Quentin could tell from a mile away when you had that glint in your eyes that you didn't mean harm. He flushed with a pout, before clearing his throat and sitting up straighter.

"That was Shocker's fault, he shot at me." You nodded at his words, deciding against pointing out how it was in fact Quentin who got in the way of the blast. "Oh- did I tell you about what happened before the fight?"

That was another thing you adored about you villainous actor, he gossiped. So much it wasn't funny, but oh, it was more than just a little entertaining. Being his partner meant you were told everything he knew... which meant you basically knew everything about the Sinister Eleven.

It'd probably be best if you didn't meet them at this point, anyway. You don't think you could look Sandman in the eyes after learning how his clothes work...

"So, Flint, O'hirn, Adrian, and Mason are all in the like.. living room area?" You raised an eyebrow and he waved his hand, something, you learned, he did often. "Not important, anyway. You know how Rhino can take off the chest and pelvis piece, right?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah, you told me." You had to think about it for a moment, but he most definitely had told you at some point.

"He'd taken off his chest piece because he needed to cool down, so he's laying on his and Ox's designated area, cooling down." Quentin was in it now, hands moving as he talked. You'd have to start making a list of all the things you liked about him, you realized. How animated he was would definitely be one of the top 5. "Sandman goes over, and says something along the lines of 'do you think i can fit in the rest of the armor?' So of course Alex wants to see if he can."

"Oh god."

"It gets worse." Quentin's smile was on the edge of being sadistic, eyes lit up as if this was the funniest thing in the world. "Sandman slips into the armor, and its all fine and dandy. Until he realizing, he, for some reason, is moving."

"No. Please don't tell me he-?"

"It took them two hours to sort him out of Rhino's tissue." You cringed, the little details given being enough to give you the full picture. Quentin giggled like an insane person, and you couldn't help but chuckle in response. "I mean- why would they even thing that was a good idea?"

"Aren't these the same two guys that Spidey used to beat on a daily basis back before Mysterio?" His nod had you shaking your head in disbelief. "Jesus you'd expect them to know better."

"Exactly!" Quentin's sudden raise in volume had people looking your direction, but you just glared in response. So your boyfriend was loud, so he could be a bit chaotic. So what? That didn't mean they could say anything, especially not while you were here.

A blissful sigh had you looking back at him, your eyes finding his in a stare that had you blushing. Another thing you liked about him, you noted, was how he looked at you. Like you were some kind of deity. It was equal parts embarrassing and adorable. "What?"

"I like it when you get angry for me." Quentin reached over, smirking like the little stuck-up idiot (affectionate) he was, and picking you hand up in his own. "It makes me happy I found someone to brag about."

"Wow," you flushed, chuckling, "that's a hell of a change of pace."

Quentin smiled, pressing a kiss to your knuckles as he downright purred his next words. "Its why you love me."

With a roll of your eyes, despite how your heart was fluttering and your face rivaled the color of a peach, you scoffed.

"That and a couple 100 other reasons," You pulled his own hand to you, flipping the script as you kissed the ring finger knuckle, "my love."

[bump1nthen1ght]

Year of the Ox (Minotaur x Reader)

Pairings: Gender Neutral!Reader/M!Minotaur

Genre: Fantasy, Friends to Lovers, First times

Warnings: Explicit content (18+ only) ahead

Word Count: 3243 words

Summary: On the night of the annual new year's festival, you decide to treat your Minotaur neighbor to some new experiences.

“____, have you finished rolling those croissants yet?” The exasperated sound of your mother’s voice bounces off the small kitchen walls, shocking you out of your daydreaming and jerking your body into motion. On the counter besides you lies 40-something flat triangles of pastry, only one half-rolled into a semi-decent croissant shape.

“Uh, almost!” You yell towards the living room, scrambling to the cutting board.

“Those croissants have to be ready by tonight, darling! We can’t be the only family not bringing something to the festival!”

“I’m on it right now, ma!” You shout, pushing up your sleeves as you begin to roll.

It’s not as if the task is difficult, only mindless, the kind of busy-work that forces your mind and eyes to wander. Wander to the open window above the sink, right into the neighboring field of crops. Right where your next-door neighbor and friend, Gavin, is tilling the field.

Frankly, this shouldn’t be an issue. A couple of years ago, when you were saddled with this exact task on this exact day, you’d send Gavin a wave and be on your merry way. Maybe the two of you would shout a couple sentences to each other, making small talk about tonight, but that was it.

But now, your brain willingly deep fries itself with every glance, every peak, out onto his family’s property.

Although the winter has brought some chill, farming is still backbreaking work, one that leaves Gavin slicked with sweat and giving the occasional grunt as he digs in a shovel or hoe. His top button is undone, revealing a toned, chestnut fur-covered chest. And those pants, my god those pants, seemed to hug every perfect curve of his thick legs and butt, his long tail swaying back and forth as he worked. Every noise he makes sends a shiver down your spine.

To say Gavin underwent a “growth spurt” in the past year would be an understatement by a landslide. At only 23, he now stood over two heads above you, with a giant set of horns and a barrel-like chest. His thighs easily doubled the size of yours and his arms looked like they could rip a lumber log right in half.

Your hands continue to roll nothing but air as you find yourself lost in the contours of his muscular back, which push and pull under his shirt, giving a good picture of what lies behind the fabric.  He pauses, straightening his posture and letting out a long sigh as he stretches his back, wiping a bit of sweat off his brow. You think there might be drool coming out of your mouth, a pool of saliva you nearly choke on when he whips around, looking right at you.

As if nothing has changed, Gavin sends you a big smile, waving enthusiastically. You stick up a flour-covered hand and try to look composed.

Gavin perks up, making a rolling motion with his hands and mouthing “Croissants?”

You nod, giving him a thumbs up.

He cheers silently, clenching his fist like you just told him he won the lottery. Your family makes these croissants every year, but every year Gavin acts like it’s the greatest surprise of the season. It’s very sweet, like everything else about him.

Gavin gives you another smile and goes back to working, leaving you to pine all by yourself. You force yourself to focus on the task at hand, but even when he finishes and heads back inside, Gavin still works inside your brain.

-----------

Despite the small size of your town, the New Year’s fireworks never fail to be bigger and better than ever. It’s the one night of the year every dad is allowed to go hog wild, setting off every new, home-made firework-abomination they’ve cooked up during the holidays. But as the fireworks fire off, the blasts resonating through the shaky barn walls and their glow flashing in between the wooden boards, all you can focus is on Gavin. Gavin whose hand is on the small of your back, whose muzzle is frantically planting kisses down your neck, and whose chest you’re gripping onto for dear life as your bodies grind against each other. His hot breath sends shivers down your spine as you press your hips even closer into his, electricity weakening your news as a tell-tale bulge presses against your crotch.

With your mind hazy, you barely remember how you got here. You weren’t quite crotchety enough for your parents and a little too boring for your younger siblings, so you and Gavin often drifted away and hung out together on the New Year’s Festival. The night had been going normal, taking swigs of a spiked apple cider and wandering around the fairgrounds, although you were dressed a little nicer than usual, when Gavin lamented about having no one to kiss at midnight. A little bit of alcohol, a flirty remark from you, and things seemed to spiral from there. In no time at all the two of you had run over to his family’s barn, minds locked in a singular haze of passion.

But the why and the how mattered very little to you at the moment, especially with Gavin’s left palm slowly sneaking it’s way down to your butt, hovering over your backside hesitantly. You lean into Gavin for another kiss and grab his wrist, slapping it down on your butt and urging him to squeeze.

Even through your jeans, Gavin’s hands are rough. His fingertips just barely touch your thigh as he squeezes your cheek once more, his palm large enough to easily grab most of your ass. Gavin continues to knead until his knees hit the back of a huge hay bale, causing him to throw one of his hands back to steady himself.

It’s only when sitting that you and Gavin are face-to-face, his large thighs stretching out his work pants as you slot yourself in between and run your hands up the denim. But Gavin wastes no time in picking you up by the back of your legs and plopping you onto his lap. You rush to find his lips again, meeting Gavin halfway as you sloppily paw at his shirt, wrapping your arms around his thick neck, desperate for the feeling of his fur and muscle under your fingers.

Mind still foggy, you work up the resolve to pull away and begin tugging at the bottom of your dress shirt, untucking it from your pants and pulling it up, right until-

“Oh, shit, ____, uhm….”

You pause, peaking your head out of your shirt collar, arms still raised. Gavin looks at you, rays of moonlight catching off his horns as he breathes heavily, trying to find the words. His eyes dart from your face, your body, to somewhere in the distance as he fidgets. You slowly pull your shirt down,  pressing a hand against his cheek. “Is everything alright? We can stop if you-”

“No! No, I don’t want to stop. Definitely not. I mean, uh, if you want to stop we can, I just-”

You thumb brushes over Gavin’s cheekbones, reaching up your forefinger to sweep away the stray hairs that had fallen over his eyes. This time of year his coat is extra thick, Gavin’s hair a curly mess of locks that fall just past his snout. You could never decide which look you prefer; When he pulls his hair up into a work-bun, or when he lets it messily hang over his shoulders. But in this moment, all you can focus on are Gavin’s beautiful brown eyes, even as he avoids your gaze.

“I’ve never done this before.”

Gavin clenches his eyes shut, wincing for an oncoming reaction.

“...Oh.” You mutter, blinking quickly as you mull over this revelation. Gavin looks at you from under his eyebrows, a strong blush traveling up his neck and onto his cheeks. “Not anything? With anyone?” Gavin shakes his head. His hands play with a stray piece of hay, betraying his anxiety.

You’re shocked, Gavin is one of the most handsome bachelors in town, one you’ve been pining after for months now, but try not to let it show. While you yourself aren’t necessarily a connoisseur of sex, you’ve still had your fair share of encounters, even in your small hometown.

You quickly realize you’ve left Gavin alone with his thoughts for a solid 30 seconds, right after he told you something he is clearly nervous about. Shaking yourself out of your stupor, you straighten your posture and stand up. Gavin’s eyes follow you, small hints of fear and anxiety within them. You lean down and give him a long kiss on the lips, before pulling away and whispering in his ear.

“I want to make you feel good. Would that be okay?”

Gavin gulps, nodding against you, fingers digging into your blouse as you press another kiss behind his ear. Then on his jaw, and slowly move down his neck, leaving a trail of affection until you hit his collarbone.

You pull away and Gavin moves to sit up, but you press a solid hand on his chest and press him back down, sliding down his thighs and onto your knees. Gavin gulps as your hand travels down his abdomen, fingers dancing on his happy trail before lightly tracing over his growing hard-on. Once you’ve reached his crotch, you take your time squeezing and admiring Gavins muscular quads, not bothering to hide how aroused he’s made you. You want him to know how hot he is, how desperately you want to ravish him, have him ravish you.

Your eyes focus on his bulge, licking your lips as you slowly tip-toe your fingers to his zipper.

“If you need to stop, let me know okay? Seriously, I want you to feel comfortable.”

Gavin shakily nods, letting out a surprised groan as you palm his cock through the denim. He throws his head back as you slowly undo the zipper with one hand, the other continuing to tease and rub his dick as his boxer briefs are revealed. You slowly lean down and press a kiss to his groin, forcing another low moan out of him. Behind him, you hear the flicks of his tail against the hail bale as you give his dick another kiss. With slow movements, you finally pull on his underwear down to the top of his thighs, revealing his cock.

You had expected Gavin to be….well-endowed. But my god, nothing could compare to seeing it in person. It’s long, thick, the tip of it hitting just underneath his belly button as it presses up and out of his boxers. His balls are also large, carrying a familiar sweaty musk from long days of farmwork. Saliva begins pooling in your mouth.

Apparently you got lost in your own thoughts, staring at his cock and pondering in what way it could fit in any part of you, as Gavin sucks in a deep breath and asks,

“Is it-Are you good?” His whispers, voice trembling with pent-up pleasure. You give a wordless nod, snapping yourself out of your own self-consciousness and lock eyes with Gavin. He may have the dick of a sex-god, but this was still his first time. You send him a reassuring smile.

“Y-yeah, I’m good. Your cock is really nice.” Gavin’s whole face flushes an even darker shade, his ears twitching and his tail flicking with embarrassment.

“R-really? U-uhm, thanks. I guess I never-hngh!” Gavin’s front lurches, his throat tripping on coherent sentences as you press a kiss to the base of his cock, hand’s running up to his inner thighs. You pull back, but only an inch.

“Was that okay?”

“Y-yes, yes, yeah that was-uhng-that was good.” Gavin stammers, throwing a hand through his long hair. It brings a small smile to your face. “C-could you do it again?”

You nod once more, pressing a longer, slower kiss to Gavin’s cock. A hot stream of air pushes out of his nose and he stutters a low ‘fuck’ as you slowly begin to lick up the underside of his dick. One of your hands moves from massaging his legs to tentatively fondle his balls. In your periphery you can see his big hands clench around the hay, another deep moan coming from his chest. Your fingertips barely touch around the circumference, a bolt of heat shooting down your abdomen as you feel the size of him in your hand. A myriad of dirty images, fantasies and positions fly through your mind, but you steady yourself and focus on the task at hand.

Gavin’s breath steadily increases as you continue to jerk him off, lightly suck at his head and play with his balls. He keens and whines when you give him a particularly hard squeeze or suck, leaning his weight back on one elbow and eyeing you in between his messy hair.

“Shit, s-shit, that feels so good. Right there, please.” Gavin begs, hands struggling to find purchase on the bale below him as you continue to tease.

You finally take the leap, lifting yourself up on your knees, and take about 2 inches of him into your mouth. Your decision is immediately rewarded with Gavin’s loud, shocked moan, catching in his throat as his legs tense up. He mutters a curse under his breath and you start bobbing up and down, slowly working your way down the many inches of his long dick. Your hand movements grow sloppy as you focus more and more on breathing through your nose and sucking in your cheeks, but Gavin doesn’t seem to mind. His adorable whimpers have raised in pitch, rowdier moans breaking in between as your tongue swirls around his shaft. You can feel the way he struggles to think of what to do with his hands, mind warped by new sensations, so you grab one of his palms and place it on the back of your neck. Gavin instinctively tangles his fingers through your hair, right before lightening his grip and avoiding pushing you to choke on his cock. You struggle down another half-inch anyway, forcing his lower-body to jolt and his hands to tighten.

For a virgin, he has rather impressive stamina, the back of your throat beginning to tire after several minutes of the intense blowjob. But Gavin’s moans and tiny pleas for “More, more, more” are music to your ears, time passing like nothing.

In your hand, you feel his balls tighten, his thighs tensing around you as his tail flickers uncontrollably.

“Oh fuck, oh shit. ____, I’m close, I’m so close.” Gavin keenes, his hips stuttering up and into your mouth as you pick up your pace. Gavin continues to stutter and whine, peppering you with compliments as his legs quiver with an impending orgasm. But at the last second, you detach with a sloppy pop, giving a light kiss to his pre-cum soaked head. Gavin’s eyes jolt open, losing his grip on your scalp as his chest heaves up and down.

“W-what-”

“You want to come down my throat, big boy?” You murmur, squeezing the base of his cock in a vice grip. Gavin yelps, hips humping into yours. “You want me to swallow a mouthful? Feel my throat around your cock as you cum?” You suck on one of his balls and Gavin’s moan is downright musical. Gavin frantically shakes his head up and down. “Uh-uh, sweetie. I want to hear you.”

You don’t know where this wave of confidence is coming from, perhaps you yourself are discovering something new tonight as well. But as Gavin looks at you, cheeks dark with embarrassment and eyes desperate for you and only you, it feels as if a spark has set off a stick of dynamite in your belly. Gavin pushes back his hair, sucking in another long breath, right before he says.

“P-please, I want to come in your mouth. ____, I need your mouth on my cock, please.”

Your smirk, immediately latching back onto his cock and quickly deepthroating him. Gavin’s hand moves on its own and presses you down even farther, tears peaking at the edge of your eyes as he presses against your gag reflex. Your hand continues it’s ministrations with his balls as you suck up and down. Gavin lets his moans out, no longer bothering to suppress them in his chest as his lower body tenses once more.

“Sh-shit! S-shit, I’m coming, I’m coming, ____ I’m comi-ing!”

Like a tidal wave, Gavin orgasms, his first shot nearly causing you to choke as it hits the back  of your throat.

Wow, I didn’t even think it was possible to cum this much.

You lock your lips around his dick as he continues to climax, filling up your mouth with his seed as he throws his body back onto the hay bale. When you finally pull off, a long stream of cum leaks down the side of your mouth, forcing you to swallow as soon as you can. With a silent and satisfactory “Aaah~”, you wipe at your chin.

Gavin lays, exhausted, on the bale. His tail weakly sways back and forth under him, his sweaty fur sticking out from his few top undone buttons. You let yourself rest back on your thighs, a little sweaty yourself, admiring your handiwork.

“That feel good?”

Gavin nods, a mindless smile on his face as he catches his breath. You chuckle at his blissed expression, giving him a solid pat on the calf.

Using his thick thighs as leverage, you push yourself up, leaning over his large form and giving him a small peck on the cheek. Gavin’s smile grows even wider and he gives you a kiss of your own, his hand lazily patting your lower back.

“Well,” You rub his chest fur, “I’m happy I could give you your first blowjob, big guy.”

You move to push yourself away, but Gavin holds you still, his one hand easily keeping you in place as he presses himself back up and onto his elbows. He pecks another kiss on your cheek.

“I’m happy too. You were really, really amazing.”

“I try my best.” Gavin chuckles, thumb still lackadaisical brushing up and down your back. “We should probably-”

“Do you-”

The two of you pause, each trying to let the other one speak their piece.You both laugh, but then you relent and let Gavin go first. His face fills with blush once more, adjusting himself and sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he tries to find the right way to speak.

“It’s just….that was a pretty fantastic first blowjob. And handjob, technically. Like, really great.” Gavin pauses, eyes darting from you to the ground. “I appreciate it so, so much. I was thinking that you could, uhm, maybe teach me how to-” The words stumble out of Gavin’s mouth, his hand slightly fidgeting with the back of your shirt, “Maybe you could teach me how to make you feel good? B-but only if you want to.”

You pause, slightly shocked, until you feel that tightening heat firing up in your belly, a slight tremor of excitement shaking down your limbs. You nod, just a tiny bit breathless.

“Y-yes, I would love that, Gavin.”

With a smirk, Gavin sweeps you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he holds onto your thighs, laying a kiss on your pulse point.

What a way to spend the new year.

[spine-buster]

Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒯𝑒𝓂𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒

CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past. ̲𝖳̲𝗁̲𝗂̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖼̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗉̲𝗍̲𝖾̲𝗋̲ ̲𝗌̲𝗉̲𝖾̲𝖼̲𝗂̲𝖿̲𝗂̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗅̲𝗒̲ ̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗆̲𝖾̲𝗇̲𝗍̲𝗂̲𝗈̲𝗇̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝖽̲𝖾̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗐̲𝗂̲𝗍̲𝗁̲ ̲𝗍̲𝗋̲𝖺̲𝗎̲𝗆̲𝖺̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝗂̲𝗇̲𝗀̲ ̲𝖿̲𝗋̲𝗈̲𝗆̲ ̲𝗆̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝖺̲𝗀̲𝖾̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝗌̲𝖾̲𝗑̲𝗎̲𝖺̲𝗅̲ ̲𝖺̲𝖻̲𝗎̲𝗌̲𝖾̲.̲ Please be warned.

Word Count: 15,503

A/N:  I have been loving your feedback on this story so far.  Your canon question about Matthew and Effie are great and I would love to hear and answer more.  It means the world to me that a plot this...unconventional, let’s say, is really taking hold and generating interest.  I know that there’s some really, really serious stuff dealt with in the chapters, so I appreciate everyone’s feedback and maturity about it.  As always, please check the content warning for this chapter.  Otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys the update!

                                                          *     *     *     *     *

She wrote every message on Instagram like an email, and Matthew couldn’t get enough of it.

Hello Matthew,

Today was interesting.  I started classes for my business certificate today.  I sat in a room with about 50 other people and I listened to my professor speak about the course prospectus and what we would be learning and doing.  I didn’t meet any new people or make any new friends but that’s okay.  I want to focus on my studies.  I already have homework.

How has St. Louis been?  I bet you are excited to be back home.  I hope you are relaxing and staying safe.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I know you are going to ace that program, Effie.  You’re very talented and smart and it’ll be no time until you find yourself with a certificate and able to explore more job opportunities.

St. Louis is good.  Brady and Taryn are home too so it’s good to be surrounded by family.  I know it’s not the same for you but one day I think you will find a group of friends that will make up your family.  Most days I go golfing with my dad.  I usually relax by our pool too, or play basketball or some other sport with Brady.  I go to the gym too, to keep up on my fitness for next season.

*

Hello Matthew,

Class was good today.  We started the beginning lectures.  The professor went quickly but I was able to keep up.  I’m definitely learning how to type fast on my laptop!

You said in your message that I’m very talented but I don’t think I’m talented.  I’m maybe talented at some things like baking, but I don’t think I’m talented in much else.  Talents are developed over time and I was never given the opportunity to develop anything because I was expected to be a good wife, tend to children, and read the Bible.  Sometimes I think about if I could have been a piano player or a singer or something creative.  Maybe I could have been a writer like Geneviève if I was given the opportunity young, but I wasn’t.  But that’s okay.  I am trying to make my peace with it.  I will develop what I have now and try to use it for good.  

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Nobody bakes like you, Effie.  Please don’t think you are not talented, because you are.  I know you weren’t able to develop anything like you said, but you can still find your talents now.  You’re still young!  You’re only entering your 20s in a few weeks.  You can do whatever you set your mind to.

*

Hi Matthew,

Levi and Jenna took me to the mall again today.  We bought some new clothes that fit me better and aren’t so baggy.  They look really nice.  I even bought a dress that falls right at my knee.  Can you believe it?!  I never thought I’d wear something like that.  I never thought anybody else would be able to see my legs!  It’s a very weird feeling but it’s a very pretty dress.  Jenna said I should wear it for my birthday and I think I’m going to do it.  Do you want to see it?  I can send you a picture of it if you want.

I checked the weather in St. Louis and saw there was a big thunderstorm.  I hope you weren’t caught it in or anything.  I can’t imagine your curly hair getting wet in the rain and what it would look like.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

What are you trying to say about my hair??????????

I would love to see your dress.  I bet it looks great on you.  And you will need to send me pictures of you wearing it on your birthday.

*

They happened daily.  Usually sometime after dinner, when Matthew knew Effie had just finished eating and was either winding down for the night or preparing to do homework.  Every day, he waited for the message.  And every day, he’d grab his phone the second he heard the notification, not bothering to wait, and read the message eagerly.

***

Matthew found himself at a raucous house party, one that could have been characteristic of any stereotypical college experience or American movie trying to depict a traditional American life.  It felt like it was straight out of the American Pie movies.  A friend of his was hosting, and there was everything – beer kegs, jungle juice, trashed guys jumping into the pool, music blasting so loud Matthew almost couldn’t hear his own thoughts, girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys at the party not paying attention to them.  

Hot girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys – he and Brady – not paying attention to them.

Brady was taken and accounted for – Emma was great and Matthew loved her, even though he saw her only sparingly – and so most of the attention tonight was placed on Matthew.  He was the shiny new toy every time he came back to St. Louis in the summers – well, shiny always, but new not so much.  Nothing was new about him being in St. Louis in the summer, but everybody always treated is as such a big deal because he spent most of the year in Calgary.  That’s why attention was always on him, especially at parties like this.  That’s why everybody wanted to talk to him.  That’s why all the girls wanted to talk to him.  Matthew didn’t want to think about it.  He wanted to enjoy his night with his buddies, drinking beer and chatting them all up.  

That was…until Leah made an appearance.

Leah, a girl.  Leah, a girl he would hook up with in the summers…occasionally.  Sporadically.  Like, once a summer when he was back.  Maybe twice.  She’d always show up everywhere and smile and be nice.  And when Matthew was tipsy, or just a little bit drunk, he’d think ‘What the hell’ and let the night take him where it wanted to take him.

Just like now.

“Hey Matty,” she cooed, smiling as she always did and biting the bottom of her lip.  She went in for a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.  He could swear she spilled some of her jungle juice on his neck.

“Hey Leah,” he said, his lips in a tight smile as she pulled away.  She was wearing a frilly crocheted top and cut-off denim shorts.  She looked hot.  Any guy at the party would have wanted to hook up with her.  “How are you?”

“Better now that I see you,” her flirting was automatic.  “How long have you been back for?”

“A few weeks,” Matthew shrugged his shoulders.

“And no call or text?  Ouch, Matty.”

“You always show up places,” he found himself saying, feeling his lips curve into a smirk.  “Didn’t think I needed to call.”

“Well then maybe I should have sent you a text.”

The party went on.  Matthew hung out with his buddies and talked up a storm.  Everybody got a kick out of his hockey stories and were practically begging for more.  He’d catch Leah staring at him from a few friend groups away where she stayed with her girlfriends, or from across the backyard or something, and she’d always bite her lip and flutter her eyelashes.  The beers kept pouring down his throat and he noticed her get closer and closer until she wiggled her way in with her friends.  It probably took a while, but in Matthew’s mind, it felt like it was only a minute until she was right in front of him, red solo cup in her hand.  

“Have you tried the jungle juice?” she asked.

He shook his head.  “I’ve been drinking beer all night.”

“Come get some inside with me,” she said, already grabbing his hand.  She wasn’t taking no for an answer.  She pulled him as he staggered behind her, almost tripping on the steps of the patio and while walking through the screen door.  When they finally got to the kitchen, Leah looked over her shoulder and winked before tugging Matthew nearer to her body.  She spun around in front of the jungle juice to pour some more into her cup.  When she did, Matthew could feel her ass up against his groin.  He felt like he was going to pass out from the beer.

“Did you miss me, Matty?” she asked as she looked at him over her shoulder again.

“I miss everyone in St. Louis,” he replied.

Leah apparently didn’t like that response, because she grinded her ass up against his groin even harder now.  “Don’t say that,” she cooed.  “I know you miss me.  It’s not like there’s anybody in Calgary like me.”

Matthew hummed.  She was right.  There wasn’t anybody like her in Calgary.

Effie was nothing like her.

Matthew’s stomach twisted as images of Effie flooded his mind.  The first one that came was the day he had picked her up at the hairdresser’s when she’d chopped off all her hair.  She looked so cute, and he remembered how bashful he was.  Then came the image of her sitting on another couch watching Little Women intently, at least fifteen bags of candy spread out on the coffee table of Levi’s basement.  She was so into watching the movie, and he was so into watching her.  Then came the image of her face, sweet and innocent and beautiful – the last face he saw in Calgary before heading to the airport and boarding a plane to St. Louis.  “No,” he mumbled out, half-drunk and heart aching.  

“No,” Leah repeated with a smile on her face, turning around finally to face him before trailing her finger down his chest and letting in linger on the hem of his jeans.  “There’s nobody in Calgary like me.”

He furrowed his brows.  He wanted out, but his feet felt like cement.  They always were when he was on the edge of being drunk.  He gulped.  “Where’s Brady?”

“Come with me, Matty,” she tugged at his jeans before grabbing his hands again and dragging him through the house.  She kept looking over her shoulder to smile at him and he kept looking back towards the backyard.  “I know what you need.”

She led him down a hallway, and at the end of that hallway was the bathroom.  She turned on the light and dragged him inside, shutting the door behind them and locking it.  She looked at him suggestively when the click filled the air.  “Le—”

“Shhh…” she pressed her finger against his lips to shut him up, replacing them quickly with her lips as she began to kiss him.  

Matthew closed his eyes.

These weren’t Effie’s lips.

She was kissing his neck now, and had backed him into the sink so he could lean against it.  Her hands wandered down to the button and zipper of his jeans.  Suddenly, she dipped down and was on her knees in front of him.  “Want me to suck you off, Matty?”

“N—No,” he stuttered out, looking down at her.  Matthew felt the zipper being pushed down and her hand on his groin.

“You can come down my throat,” she offered.  

He closed his eyes tightly, and in the darkness, he saw only one person: Effie.  

The only thing that brought him back – because he could have stayed alone in the bathroom with his eyes closed and the image of Effie in his mind for the rest of the God damn party if he really wanted to – was the sound of his zipper being pushed down dramatically.  He opened his eyes.  “Would you stop?!” he demanded, wiggling out of where he’d been backed into the sink.  He grabbed the front of his pants and zipped them up again.

Leah, still on her knees, spun around and glared at him.  “Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” she got up slowly, not breaking eye contact.  “You have someone in Calgary?” she demanded.

Matthew refused to answer as he did up his button.

“Who the fuck is she?” she demanded again.

“There’s nobody.”

“Fucking hell there’s nobody.  What’s her name?”

“Don’t go there, Leah.  As if I’d tell you.”

“You’re fucking someone in Calgary?  Since when?”

“As if I’d tell you,” he repeated.

She gave him one last glare because unlocking the door.  “Fuck you Matthew Tkachuk.  You’ll fucking miss me.”

“Doubt it.”

***

Hi Matthew,

I went to a Starbucks today to work on some school work and people watch.  When you get back to Calgary, we will need to find a new Starbucks because the one near Levi’s house is too far away now.  Anyway, I was working on an assignment and watching people interact and go about their daily lives.  It was eye-opening and a bit weird to me.  A lot of people were on their phones!  It makes me wonder if I should be on it more…?  A lot of the girls who walked in were really fashionable and it makes me want to go shopping again.  I don’t think I’ll ever look as good as Geneviève or Annica but I could definitely try, and they could help me.  I learn a lot by people watching.  Does that make me weird?

I had a Zoom call with Geneviève and Jacob in Sweden.  She is doing well and helped me with my assignment a little bit.  I’ve been baking shortbread recently, and I’m going to make butter tarts tomorrow.  I miss you being my taste-tester, but I bet you are happy to have home cooking.  Sometimes I wonder if my siblings miss my cooking but I doubt they do.

Did you think I was weird when I said I didn’t miss my family at all?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I do not think you are weird at all for not missing your family.  They were abusive.  You have no reason to miss them.

People are addicted to their phones these days, which is why you’re so refreshing.  You’re not a slave to it…at least yet lol.  I hurt my eyes sometimes from staring at my screen too long.  

I can’t wait to eat ALL of your baking when I get back.  It’s the best, Effie.  It really is.

I miss you a lot.

*

Hi Matthew,

I miss you too.

Thank you for not thinking I’m weird for not missing my family.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies and listening to a lot of music.  I’ve been researching what’s been popular since I was born and I’m trying to, like, catch up I guess.  Some of the movies I don’t like or don’t get.  Some of them are really funny, and I watched them because I know people quote them all the time.  Like this movie called Bridesmaids.  I want to be able to get references people make even though I wasn’t in the moment of them.  There are some movies I’ve read about online that seem amazing, but I don’t want to watch them alone.  They are:

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind Moonlight There Will Be Blood Shoplifters Brokeback Mountain The Master Unorthodox

When you come back to Calgary, would you watch them all with me?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Of course I’ll watch them all with you.

***

Effie Schaffer woke up the morning of her 20th birthday, on July 7, 2021, to her phone ringing.  Birthdays were not a thing in the People’s Dominion of Christ.  They were not celebrated.  Effie always knew when hers was, but as a kid she never had a birthday party, and when she was forced to marry the prophet, she hated her birthday.  Hated it.  She always wished that the prophet would forget about it but he never did.  It was the one day of the year she spent the most time praying, and when she was not praying, she was with the prophet on his demand.  Several weeks later, usually, after a lot of blood loss and visit from the cult’s midwife (though she wasn’t properly medically trained), Abraham would tell Effie that everything was her fault, that God was testing him when He spoke to Abraham and told him to take Effie as his wife.  “July 7.  7/7.  One number above the Devil,��� he’d tell her.  “That’s what you are.  Just above the devil.  Your blood and your loss are the signs of having the devil in you.  That’s why you refuse to carry my Son of God.”

She wasn’t expecting anybody to call besides Levi and Jenna, but they said they would be picking her up at noon anyway.  After she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up in bed a little bit, she was pleasantly surprised, albeit a little shocked, to see Matthew’s name flash across the screen.  The giant FaceTime text was at the bottom of screen.  Effie swiped to answer.  After a bit of lagging, Matthew’s smiling face appeared.  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” he screamed, loudly, causing her to jump slightly.  

“Thank you, Matthew,” she said, her heartbeat going back to normal.

“How does it feel to officially be in your twenties?” he asked.

Effie could barely think, so she shrugged.  “When I wake up and my brain starts working, I’ll tell you.”

Matthew furrowed his brows.  It was only then that he noticed half of her hair in a scrunchie and the pillows behind her head.  “Oh shit, I fucked up time zones, didn’t I?” he asked worriedly.  “What time is it there?”

Effie looked at her watch.  “It’s 7:30 in the morning.”

“I woke you up!  Jesus Effie, I’m so sorry,” he began to apologize.  “I’m such an idiot—”

“It’s okay, Matthew,” she said, smiling at how his own smile had faded from his face when he realized he had woken her up early.  7:30 in the morning would have been a godsend two years ago, when she usually woke up at 5:30.  “It’s nice to be woken up by your voice on my birthday, actually.  Someone is at least treating it like a birthday.”

“Levi’s gonna treat you,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  As if Levi wouldn’t.

“I know,” she said.  “I mean, like…before.  Birthdays weren’t exactly a celebration.”

“You never used to celebrate your birthday?” he asked, thinking back to all the amazing birthdays his parents had thrown he and his siblings over the years.  Because his was so close to Christmas, it was extra special.  His parents always made sure Christmas didn’t overshadow it too much.  Same with Taryn being born on Halloween.  Brady’s parties were always good too because they were right after the start of school, so usually the entire class would be invited.  

“No,” Effie shook her head.  Matthew was sort of waiting for her to elaborate, but it seemed like she didn’t want to.  He left it at that.  “Levi’s taking me to that steakhouse we went to for Noah’s birthday,” she informed him.  “I think I’m gonna have another tomahawk.”

Matthew smiled again.  “Please do, in honour of me.”

“Maybe I’ll take a picture of it to show you what you’re missing.”

“Believe me, I know what I’m missing,” he said.  He bit his lip, wondering for a quick second if he should tell her about the gifts coming her way.  He quickly decided against it, thinking it would be better left as a surprise.  “I’m sorry I can’t be there, Effie.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Matthew,” she told him, meaning it sincerely.  “It’s an amazing thing that you’re so close to them.  I…believe me, I know how important that is…to be able to have people who love you unconditionally, to be able to have people who love you and want to see you and always have your best interests at heart.  I would never want to take that away from you.  And besides, when we watch all those movies together…you’ll be there.  We’ll be reunited.”

He licked his lips, nodding quickly.  “You bet.”

***

Matthew had been lying around the house all day after playing a round of golf with his dad that morning.  He’d tanned by the pool with Taryn and ate straight from the bag of Veggie Straws, but he was pretty glued to his phone because he wanted to see the delivery updates for the gifts he’d gotten Effie for her birthday.

The first gift was a giant bouquet of flowers.  Peonies, mostly, of course, because of her tattoo, set in a beautiful vase.  He’d gotten the delivery notification, then about five minutes later he’d received a picture of it from Effie over Instagram saying thank you.  Fifteen minutes later, she uploaded a photo of it to her Instagram feed and tagged him.  ‘Beautiful bouquet of peonies from my friend Matthew!  I am twenty years old today.’ was her caption.  That was the first gift.

The second was a delivery of some cookies from an amazing bakery in Calgary that Annica and Geneviève always ordered from.  The cookies were divine, but realistically, they weren’t better than Effie’s cookies.  But Effie making cookies for her own birthday wasn’t exactly a gift, so he knew he’d have to order her a batch.  Again, he’d gotten the notification that the cookies had been delivered, and ten minutes later, Effie had sent a selfie of her with one of the chocolate chip cookies.  ‘Yum!’ she’d texted with the photo.  Another notification on Instagram told him Effie had uploaded another photo and tagged him in it.  ‘My friend Matthew gave me cookies too!  How sweet!  Cookies are some of my favourite treats.’  He absolutely loved her feed and the way she used Instagram.  If he had to delete everyone else and just follow her, he’d do it.

The last gift was the trickiest.  He didn’t know how she’d react.  But she didn’t have one of her own – she’d been borrowing Jenna’s – and she needed one, quite literally, for her job.  He wondered if she’d like the colour.  And the make.  And all the attachments.

A ‘MATTHEW, YOU DIDN’T’ text suddenly came through on his phone, and he couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.  It was the first time it didn’t sound like an email.

Do u like it? he texted back.

I LOVE IT IN THE PISTACHIO TOO MY FAVOURITE COLOUR AND THE SIFTER ATTACHMENT AND THE ICE CREAM MAKER ATTACHMENT MATTHEW!

Im happy u like it! Now u can bake all you want and not have to borrow Jenna’s

“Taryn, mom needs you inside to help with something,” Brady’s voice boomed through the silence of the backyard.  Matthew heard the screen door burst open, and watched conspicuously through his sunglasses as Brady more or less barged towards them.  

“Can she wait?” Taryn didn’t make any effort to move.

“Now Taryn.  She seems pretty adamant,” Brady didn’t give up, his tone serious as he continued to walk towards them.

Taryn grumbled and got up from her seat.  Matthew locked his phone and pretended not to care, even when Brady took Taryn’s place in her lawn chair right beside him and didn’t bother lying down.  Instead, he sat facing Matthew, elbows on his knees and hands joined together, like he was a cop about to interrogate his brother.  “Who’s in Calgary?”

Matthew looked over at him.  “Huh?”

“Who’s in Calgary?” Brady asked again.

Matthew was confused.  “G…Gio?” he asked.

“Who’s in Calgary that made you not hook up with Leah at the party?”

Matthew’s heart dropped in the pit of his stomach.  For fuck sakes.  He sighed deeply and took off his sunglasses, trying to make it seem like everything was being blown out of proportion when, really, Matthew just didn’t want people knowing.  But he told Brady everything – everything.  He was sort of impressed that the secret had lasted this long, if he was being honest.  “Brady…” he began, his voice low.

Brady took off his sunglasses too.  “There’s a girl.”

“Sort of.  It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated?  What’s her name?”

Matthew thought about not telling him, but there was no point.  Brady would find out eventually, and Matthew would rather Brady learn the news from him than from the rumour mill or from Leah stalking his social media.  “It’s…Effie.”

“Effie?”

“Who’s Effie?” Taryn voice boomed.  The boys whipped their head to see her standing at their family room’s sliding doors, hiding behind the screen door.

“Taryn!” both brothers yelled at their sister.

“Effie?  Who’s Effie?” Chantal called out from the kitchen.

“What’s an Effie?” Keith asked from beside Chantal.  

“Oh my GOD this is a disaster!” Matthew screamed out in frustration.  “Get out of here, Taryn!”

“Who’s Effie?” Brady demanded once more.

Matthew put his heads in his hands dramatically before giving up.  There was no way he was going to get out of this.  Now his whole family would know.  It would be a game of telephone, and by the end of his and Brady’s conversation, Keith would hear Matthew married a girl named Jessie who’d grown up in a hut.  “You remember me talking about one of our physio guys?  Levi Schaffer?” Matthew asked.  Brady nodded.  “His younger sister.”

Brady furrowed his brows.  “Isn’t Levi in his thirties?  You’re dating an older woman, Matthew?”

Matthew rolled his eyes.  “No, you dolt.  She’s fifteen years younger than he is.”

“SHE’S FIFTEEN?!”

“WHAT?!” Taryn screamed from the screen door again.

“AAAAAAARGHHHH!” Matthew screamed in absolute frustration.  “You are literally the dumbest person alive, you know that right?!” he screamed at Brady.

“Matthew!  Apologize to your brother!” Chantal called from the house, opening the screen door and stepping through into the backyard with Keith.  

“But mom!  He’s an idiot!”

“Matthew,” Keith’s voice bellowed. “Now.”

“Sorry,” Matthew grumbled.  His parents always made the siblings do this stuff, ever since they were kids.  “Can we just drop it all?” he asked.

“Nope.  We’re all here now,” Brady said.  “Who’s Effie?”

Matthew sighed heavily.  “She’s a girl I met through my friend Levi at work.”

“What’s the big deal?  Are you dating her?” Keith asked.

“No,” Matthew answered immediately, shaking his head.  “No.  We’re not dating.  Not at all.  She…” he began, trying to find the right words.

“She…” Brady egged on.

“She’s a bit…” Matthew began again.  How was he going to tell them?  How was he gonna word it?  Should he sugar coat it or just come out and say it?  “She’s a bit…different.  She…she and Levi grew up in one of those, like, religious cults, out in rural Alberta.  But a year and a half ago, she escaped, and she’s been trying to adjust to the real world ever since.  I met her in January, at Noah’s birthday.  And ever since, I’ve just been, like…helping her experience the normal world.”

The entire Tkachuk family was silent as they processed the information.  They were definitely expecting a much different explanation from Matthew, that was for sure.  “A religious cult, Matthew?” Chantal was the first to speak.  Matthew nodded his head.  Chantal grew serious.  “Was she abused?”

Matthew hesitated, but he eventually nodded his head.  It wasn’t his business to tell – he knew that – but he couldn’t lie to his own mother.  “She could only wear dresses.  She had to read the Bible all day.  She was married at fourteen to the leader of the cult who was 55.  That sort of thing,” he explained briefly, not wanting to give any more details.

Chantal looked concerned.  Keith looked at his wife before looking back at his son.  “So you’re not dating her, but you’re helping her learn about the real world,” Keith clarified.  Matthew nodded again.  Keith looked at Brady.  “Then that’s none of our business! What’s the big deal?” he huffed.

“It’s not—”

“Why’re you busting his balls then?”

“Keith!” Chantal chastised.

***

Hi Matthew,

I still can’t believe you got me the stand mixer.  I love it so much.  It’s the only thing that I have out on my countertop because there’s no reason to hide it.  And the pistachio colour is sooooooo beautiful.  I promise that as a token of appreciation, I’m going to bake you whatever sweets you want when you get back to Calgary.  Seriously.  Anything you want.  Even if I haven’t made it before.  And I’ll make ice cream too!

I have been taking some walks around Calgary in my spare time.  It’s a really beautiful city.  Sometimes I will do my walks at night and see all the young people out at restaurants and bars and all the light are lit up downtown, and it’s even more beautiful.  It’s so nice to see life in people.  Everybody in the cult was so miserable.  Maybe I’m just saying that because I was so miserable, but that’s how I remember it.  Nobody was happy about life.  Well, they weren’t happy about life like the people in downtown Calgary are on a Friday or Saturday night.  

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Calgary is definitely a beautiful city, and I’m happy that you’re starting to see that.  Wait until you see even more of the country and the world one day!  All of those young people that you see out and about are your age.  I know you are probably very nervous to make new friends, but if you ever want to go out to one of those places, I’m sure Levi or Jenna would take you.  When the team gets back into the city, I know any of the guys would take you too, just like when we went out for Andrew’s birthday.  You just let us know when.  And I apologize in advance for Noah’s behaviour.

I’m going to put in a request for snickerdoodles.  My mom used to make them a lot growing up, but she doesn’t make them as much now because then I’d eat them all and get too pudgy.

*

Hi Matthew,

Snickerdoodles it is.  I will perfect the recipe before you come back.

On top of movies, I’ve also been listening to music.  Levi lets me use his Spotify.  He also told me what an iPod is…was.  Have you heard of Adele?  She’s amazing!  I love her voice.  Most of the time I just let Spotify recommend me things and I end up liking them, but Levi introduced me to some bands too.  Have you heard of Bruce Springsteen?  Taylor Swift?  The Tragically Hip?  Red Hot Chili Peppers?  They’re all so good.  Red Hot Chili Peppers is Levi’s favourite band.  I also really like listening to Coldplay.  I think they’re my favourite out of all of them.  But I also like dancing songs, like the songs that have a good beat.  I wasn’t allowed to dance before (it was too sensual and would tempt the men) so now I feel like I should let it all out.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Dance your heart out Effie.  Fuck them.

Fuck them.

***

Matthew was antsy.  Antsy.  The second the plane landed in Calgary, his leg was bobbing up and down to get off the plane, grab his bags, and go straight to Effie’s apartment.  

It was the first time since he had lived in Calgary that he wanted to go anywhere but his apartment after a flight back to the city.  But Effie had that effect on him these days.  He hadn’t seen her in three months – almost four.  And he was dying to.  FaceTimes and Instagram-messages-formatted-as-emails could only do so much, and satisfy so much in his mind.  He needed to see her, physically see her.  He didn’t know what had happened to him in the past few months, especially since he and Effie had left on such a good note.  No need to rush things.  Take the time.  But this entire summer, all Matthew could think about was her.  All he dreamt about was her.  He wondered if it was the same for her too.  And he wondered, if it was, if she would admit it.

Once he got his bags from baggage claim, he hightailed it out of the airport and got into a taxi.  He gave the driver Effie’s address, and within half an hour, he found himself with his suitcases at the foot of her apartment.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t think this through.  

He hauled both of his suitcases up the staircase, most definitely putting chips in the wood steps along the way.  It reminded him of moving her in to the place months ago, with him yelling at Sean for half of the day but ending with a slice of pie and his first kiss from Effie.  He didn’t know what to expect now, but he knew that whatever he’d get, he’d be happy with.  He knocked on her door and waited.  

When Effie opened it, she looked confused because she wasn’t expecting anybody.  But the second she saw Matthew’s face, her face lit up like a night show of fireworks.  “Matthew!” she squealed, jumping on him and wrapping her arms tightly around his broad shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist.  “What are you doing here?!  You weren’t supposed to be back in Calgary for a few days!” the shock was still evident in her voice.

“Just thought I’d take an earlier flight out,” he said casually.  “Gonna need to customize to the time change anyway.”

As if an hour was going to be a big shock to his system.

When Effie pulled away, she still kept her hands on his shoulders and he kept his hands at her waist.  She’d gained more weight throughout the summer, thankfully, and filled out more.  The pair of jeans she was wearing actually fit.  The top she was wearing actually fit too – a simple navy-striped long sleeve.  He was happy to see that.  She’d been so frail when he met her in January.  She looked like she had life in her now.  “Have you even gone home?” she asked, looking down at his suitcases behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Uh…no,” he said awkwardly.  “Can I bring them in?  I just wanted to see you.”

Effie couldn’t help but gulp at his words.  “I just wanted to see you.”  Nobody had ever said those words to her before – not even her own mother, she thought.  Nobody was ever happy to see her in the cult.  But in the real world, Matthew was.  “Yeah, come in,” she said, moving to remove her hands from his shoulders to give him more space to haul his suitcases into her entrance.  He closed the door behind him when he was done, and that’s when the reality snapped back into Effie’s mind.  “Oh no!” she exclaimed worriedly.

Matthew automatically got worried too.  “Oh no what?”

“You came home early and I—I didn’t make your snickerdoodles!”

A smile automatically appeared on his face.  “Effie, it’s okay,” he said softly, slipping off his shoes.  “It’s not like I told you I was coming back to Calgary.”

The worried look didn’t leave her face.  “Are you sure?  I—I didn’t mean to forget.  I actually made one batch but I thought they could be better for you so I was going to make another and—”

“Effie,” he said sternly, placing a hand over hers, which had bunched together nervously.  “It’s alright.  It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” she asked one more time.

“I’m positive,” he squeezed her hands gently.  “Just gives me another excuse to come over again in a few days, really.”

A small smile crept on Effie’s face as she realized Matthew wasn’t angry.  Usually, when something like this happened, the outcome was much different.  She didn’t have to worry about that anymore.  “Well come in then, come in,” she said, moving further into her apartment so Matthew could follow her.  “D’you want something to drink?” she asked, already opening up her fridge.

“Tell me what you’ve been learning in school,” Matthew said instead, leaning against it.  “I want to hear everything I missed.”

Effie couldn’t stop talking after that.  They had managed to migrate to her couch and she told him about her courses and teachers and homework and assignments and textbooks and her new computer and the classroom and the building and the campus and the Starbucks on campus and the cafeteria she’d eat in and the vending machine she’d buy snacks from and the bench she’d sit on waiting for class and everything.  Everything.  There was nothing she didn’t talk about.  And he listened to it all, listened to all of it intently, not interrupting once, asking follow-up questions and asking her for more more more more more.  He couldn’t get enough.  He forgot about his water.  He forgot about the homemade Rice Krispie she gave him on a plate on her coffee table.  He forgot that he was going to suggest they go out to a Starbucks.  He forgot that he hadn’t seen her in months and was so desperate to see her that he came here before he even went to his own apartment.  All he could think about was here, and all he could pay attention to was what she was saying.  

He wanted it like this all the time.

“How’s therapy going?” he asked, finally remembering his water and taking a quick sip from his glass.  

“I’m seeing a sex therapist now too.”

That was a bombshell.  Matthew tried not to make it show that he was shocked at the news, but she’d said it so casually – like everyone saw a sex therapist.  And, like, a therapist was one thing, but a sex therapist was another.  He understood why she’d need one, but it was still a shock to him.  “Oh yeah?” he tried to say casually.

Effie nodded her head.  “I told Dr. Barlow how we’d been kissing,” she said, biting her lip and blushing slightly.  “And, um…well, I told her some other things, so she suggested I see the sex therapist to help fix them.”

Fix them?  Matthew had no idea what she meant.  He moved slightly closer to her on the couch as he furrowed his brows.  “What else did you tell her?” he asked softly.  Effie averted his gaze, looking away as if she were embarrassed.  “Effie, come on, you can tell me,” he urged.

“Well…when we—do you promise not to freak out at me?”

His heart ached.  “Of course.”

“When we started kissing—well, when I started kissing you…I liked it a lot,” she said.

“We were kissing each other,” he said, correcting her, because he knew language was important and the way things were phrased was important and he wanted her to know he was 100% in on it too.  He wasn’t exactly innocent.  He was a willing accomplice.  “I was kissing you too.  I liked it a lot too.”

Effie nodded her head.  “Well…I liked it a lot.  But then we had that talk and you left for St. Louis and we were in a good place.  Dr. Barlow told me that was very mature of me, and that she was very impressed.  But then…”

“But then…”

Effie kept averting his gaze.  “Um…but then, well, you weren’t here, and I started to have dreams of us kissing.  I’d lean into you and close my eyes and kiss you.  And your lips were soft like I remembered.  But then it would change.  Quickly.  And it would hurt.  It—it would hurt.  And I’d open my eyes and instead of you, it was…Abraham.  And I’d get so scared.  I’d wake up screaming.”

Matthew’s heart fell in the pit of his stomach.  He felt like he was going to be sick.  “I made you feel that way?”

“No!  No you didn’t,” she shook her head vehemently.  “It was only when you left.  When you’re—Matthew, no,” her words were jumbled because she had started crying.  “When we kissed, I liked it.  I liked it so much.  But my mind was playing tricks on me.”

“Effie, if I hurt you—”

“You didn’t.  You didn’t hurt me at all,” she pressed, her hand extending automatically to grab at his forearm comfortingly.  “You could never hurt me Matthew.  Ever.  I just…” her voice had gotten softer, frailer, more like it had been in January.  “I still see him sometimes.”

If Matthew’s heart had fallen into the pit of his stomach before, then now it had just shattered into a billion pieces.  “Oh, Effie…” he barely got out.

“I don’t want to see him ever again,” she said.  

“C’mere,” he said softly, pulling her body towards his so he could hug her.  He wrapped his arms around her tightly and could feel Effie melt into him, her head cradled on his chest.  He wanted her to feel as safe as possible with him – he’d wanted that since the beginning.  With this new revelation, he now wanted it more than ever.  “You’ll never see him again, Effie.  I promise you.”

“I know I won’t.  I know.  This is happening because of what happened to me.”

“When he would hurt you.”

Effie looked up at him, nodding, almost embarrassingly.  “I know that he can’t hurt me anymore.  But my dreams would take me back to when he did.  It wasn’t you, Matthew.  You didn’t make me feel that way.  I told Dr. Barlow and Dr. Stevenson that.  They’re just trying to help me not see him anymore, and move past the things that he did to me.  And they’re…they’re trying not to make me feel guilty about something so simple like kissing.”

“You felt guilty about us kissing?” he asked.

“Women couldn’t date, right?  So it wasn’t like I was kissing any of the other boys in the cult. We were harlots and sinners if we kissed men, and we were responsible for them straying away from God.  My first kiss was on my fake wedding day.”

Matthew could kill them all.  He had half the heart to jump into his car and drive to Sheerness so that he could.  “I will give you as many kisses as you want if it helps you forget,” he blurted out.

Effie couldn’t help but smile.  “Can we start again now?  Slowly?”

Matthew smiled slightly.  She craned her head up and placed one of her signature chaste kisses on his lips, and he reciprocated readily, the feeling of her lips on his after months of not having them there ranking up there with the best feeling in the world.  When she pulled away, her eyes were still closed, but there was a smile on her face.  Her prior tears had stained her cheeks.  “Hugging you feels nice too,” Effie said, finally opening her eyes.  

Matthew smiled.  “Well then we’ll start doing a lot of that too.”

***

At the beginning of every hockey season, right before training camp, the Calgary Flames hosted a gala to benefit the Calgary Flames Foundation.  The team would set a fundraising goal for the night – often surpassed – and then set one for the season – also surpassed – to give back to the city and community that supported them endlessly, through thick and thin.  The gala was unofficially the kickoff to the season.  Every member of the team, coaching staff, and head office attended.  It was one of Calgary’s biggest events.  It was the one night of the year Matthew didn’t mind being out and having to small-talk with hundreds of strangers, because he knew it was all for a good cause and a greater good.  

Matthew was forced to wear a tuxedo.  All the members of the team were forced to wear tuxedos.  He kept fiddling with his bowtie and Mark kept slapping his hand away.  Matthew thought they all looked like penguins.  He searched around the gala room, already filling up with people.  He took his phone out of his pocket.

You guys here yet? he texted Geneviève, knowing that since Elias and Jacob were already here, she and Annica were coming together.  

We’re in a taxi.  Eyeliner needed to be reapplied because Effie kept crying.

Matthew chuckled to himself, picturing the image of Effie sitting in a chair while Annica and Geneviève fussed over her makeup.  Before he could text her back, another text from her came through.

She looks beautiful, by the way.

Matthew was impatient.  He kept looking towards the doors even though he was supposed to be pretending to be interested in what these rich people had to say.  Levi and Jenna were already there, too, so it really was just him waiting for Effie to arrive.  This entire night didn’t start until Effie arrived.  

Matthew was in a conversation with someone when he saw her walk through the doors.  Annica was wearing a navy blue bodycon dress that showed off her curves, and she looked great.  Geneviève was wearing an emerald green midi-length dress with a high slit, high collar, back cut-out, and cap sleeves, and she looked impeccably chic and stylish, like only Geneviève could.  

But it was Effie, of course, who looked the best.  A bright red dress that fell to her knees, with floral lace and sequins and cape sleeves that covered her otherwise bare arms.  She wore a pair of low nude heels, and her blonde bob was styled professionally as a barely-there curl.  She looked impeccable.  Beautiful.  Stunning.  Gorgeous.  Divine.  Exquisite.  

“Excuse me,” he said quickly to the man and wife he was talking to, and left Elias alone with them as he made his way through the crowd and towards Effie, Annica, and Geneviève.  He pushed past some people gently before finally appearing in front of them.  He could see Geneviève smirking the second they saw him, but he locked eyes with Effie.  When she saw him in his tux, her breath hitched in her throat.  He looked good.  “Hi,” he said to Effie breathlessly.

Annica saw the look in his eyes and knew she had to skedaddle out of there.  “Where’s Elias?”

“Over there,” Matthew pointed behind him, somewhere in the crowd of four hundred people, as if that answered the question and helped her.

“Thanks,” she left, winking at him as she passed him.

Geneviève was next.  “I guess my husband is in the same place?” she asked him.

“Mhm,” he nodded his head quickly.

“Great.  You two behave.  If I don’t see you, I’ll assume you’re in a broom closet,” she said before disappearing into the crowd of people.

Matthew and Effie hadn’t taken their eyes off each other.  Effie thought he looked great in his tux; it was tailored to perfection, and really showed off how thick his body was, but in a good way.  She’d felt it when they hugged when he showed up to her place after landing in Calgary, and if she was being honest with herself, she had been thinking about it ever since.  She kept thinking about being physical with him, about touching him and hugging and cuddling and doing all the things she couldn’t have done with another man before.  And she only wanted to do them with Matthew.  Her mind – and now increasingly her body – wanted to do that only with Matthew.  With the dress and the makeup and the whole look all together, Matthew was a man possessed.  With Geneviève and Annica gone, Matthew couldn’t help but bite his bottom lip to suppress himself from smiling bashfully, like he usually did with Effie.  “You look beautiful, Effie,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” she smiled.  “This is the second dress I’ve ever worn that has shown off my legs.  It’s Geneviève’s.  And – if you can believe it – this is the first time I’ve word something red.”

He couldn’t take it anymore.  From her hair to her makeup to her dress to her shoes, he just couldn’t fucking take it anymore.  He looked around the room quickly before grabbing her hand.  “Come with me,” he mumbled.

“Where are we going?”

He dragged her out of the room and into the foyer.  There were more people out there, sipping on cocktails and eating hors d’oeuvres and getting checked in, so he kept walking with her behind him down the long foyer that connected all the different hall rooms in the complex together.  When it got quieter, and the rush of people were too far away, he led her into a short corridor where a men’s and women’s washroom was.  They were far enough away that he knew no-one from the gala would find them.

“Matthew?  Is everything okay?” she asked as she watched him close the door behind them.

“Everything’s fine,” he said, his voice strained.  “I just…God, Effie, you look so fucking beautiful.”

Effie could pick up on the strain in his voice.  She could also see the fire in his eyes as he looked down at her.  She didn’t know much about the world, and she knew even less about men, but those things alone were telling her something.  Her body was telling her something too, something she’d never heard from it before.  Instead of being repulsed by the body in front of her, she was drawn to it.  Instead of being scared to touch it, she wanted to feel it all over her.  Instead of allowing her mind to take her somewhere else so she didn’t have to focus on pain on hurt or anything else, she wanted to be in the moment and feel everything.  “Kiss me, Matthew,” she said.  She’d never been so bold in her entire life.  She didn’t think she had it in her.

Matthew didn’t need to be told twice.  He held her face between his hands, dipped his head, and began kissing her passionately.  Effie loved it.  It wasn’t a chaste kiss like the kisses they had shared in the past.  This kiss was hungry, and told her almost everything she needed to know about Matthew’s feelings.

Her feelings were similar.  She wanted to explore them.  She wanted to do more.  

That was why, when it was Effie who slid her tongue along Matthew’s lips, he stopped in shock.  Not that he wanted to – the action was just surprising.  He pulled away slightly, making sure it was something she wanted to do.  When he saw her open her eyes slowly, she was bringing her hands up, placing them over his.  “You can touch me, Matthew,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

He let out a shaky breath.  He knew they weren’t exactly gonna hook up in the bathroom or anything, but this was still huge, especially for Effie.  “Are you sure?” he asked.

She nodded her head.  “You won’t hurt me.”

He dipped down and kissed her again.  And he kept kissing her, letting his hands wander to her waist and hips, where he gripped them and pulled them closer to his body.  And she kept kissing him, letting her hands wander down his chest and under his tuxedo jacket to his back, feeling the thickness of his body.  And for at least a few minutes, they were in their own little world, kissing in the men’s bathroom of a banquet hall, hands all over each other as Matthew probably got lipstick all over his mouth.  

Effie was loving it.  The feeling of his soft lips on hers was unlike anything she’d ever felt, and his tongue in her mouth, tasting slightly of the alcohol he’d drunk before she got there, was intoxicating to say the least.  She felt like it could go on forever.  She was pretty sure she would let it go on forever if she could.  She was happy, so happy that she was doing this – that she could do this.  Two years ago, if she’d even thought about it, she would have been scared of being damned to hell for eternity.  Now, she was enjoying it.  Now, she wanted to do it all the time.  Now, she could—

She could—

She—

Now, it hurt a little.

Now, the lips weren’t as soft.

Now, she could feel a prickly, unkept beard scraping at her skin—

“STOP,” she instinctively pushed the body away, scrunching her face and gulping hard.  Before she could see Abraham’s face – before it could appear to her in her mind – she opened her eyes and looked at Matthew.

Matthew.

Matthew.

She saw him staring back at her worriedly and she let out a shaky breath.  He knew why she stopped; he didn’t need to be told.  “I’m—I’m so—”

“Hey hey, it’s okay,” he said soothingly.  “It’s alright, Effie.  We can stop.”

She diverted her eyes from looking at him.  She was so embarrassed.  “You won’t be mad?” she asked.  That was usually how it went for, well…

Matthew put his hand under her chin so he could look her in the eye.  “No,” he said, with as much conviction as he could muster.  “We can stop whenever you want.”

“I’m so—”

“Do not apologize to me,” he said sternly.  She didn’t need to.  He needed her to know that.  “Never apologize to me for that.”

She bit her bottom lip.  “Thank you for stopping.”

“There’s no way in hell I’d keep going.”

Effie nodded.  She understood.  “At least I’m getting better,” she said.  “I didn’t give you a black eye this time.”

Matthew couldn’t help but snort.  It released all the tension in the air immediately; even Effie was giggling slightly.  “That you did not,” he said, grabbing her hand slightly.  “Wanna go back out there?  Well, after we get all this lipstick off of me.”

***

The gala was nice.  It was formal and the food was decent and even though Matthew basically kept his eye on Effie sitting with Levi and Jenna the entire night, it was nice.  He had fun with his teammates.  He embarrassed himself on stage for charity.  At the silent auction, one of his packages with signed memorabilia went for the second-highest bid.  He was proud of what he and the team were able to accomplish in terms of giving back to the community.

But now he had more important things on his mind.  

By the time he found Effie again, she was standing in a group with Levi and Jenna, Jacob and Geneviève, and Annica and Elias.  It looked like they were chatting about something exciting, so Matthew knew he needed to be there.  When Geneviève saw him butt his way in, she smiled.  “I was just reminiscing about when Jacob and I met, and how my friends and I went to the pubs in Oxford after our graduation in our robes and Tudor bonnets,” she said, filling him in.  “There’s nothing better than showing up to a place severely overdressed and then having the time of your life dancing.”

Matthew looked at Geneviève in her dress.  He looked at Annica in hers, and Effie in hers, and Jenna in hers.  He looked to his teammates in his tuxedos, and to Levi wearing a form-fitted navy suit.  “Wanna go dancing?”

Elias smirked.  “The night’s still young.”

***

They ended up at a bar downtown, one that Matthew had been to before but couldn’t really remember exactly what happened (it was his first year in Calgary and he’d just found out hours before that the legal drinking age was only eighteen).  The bouncer looked at them all weirdly in their getups but let them in anyway.  It was only when they entered that they realized it was frosh week for the University of Calgary, and the bar was full of university students drinking and dancing.  The floor was slightly sticky.  It was the perfect venue for the goal they wanted to achieve.

“Oh, this takes me back,” Geneviève giggled, looking out at the sea of people.  She looked at Annica and Jenna.  “Spicy margs?”

Both women nodded.  “Spicy margs.”

She looked at Effie.  “Have you ever had alcohol?”

“No.”

“Do you want to try it while you’re safe with us?”

Effie nodded.  

Geneviève, Effie, and Matthew headed to the bar while the rest of the group went to find a bar table to take over.  Matthew made sure Effie got a spot right at the front as he stood directly behind her, his body pressed against hers.  Geneviève waved down the bartenders and ordered all the drinks.  All the university students clamouring to get a spot at the bar and the attention of the bartenders looked at them weird for their too-fancy clothes.  Geneviève didn’t care – it wasn’t like this was her first time doing this.  Effie was a little self-conscious, but that soon went away when she saw the drinks being made in front of her.

“Whenever you go out to a bar like this, you always want the bartender to make your drink in front of you.  Don’t ever accept a drink from a stranger or if you haven’t seen it made in front of you,” Geneviève cautioned her.  

“Okay,” Effie nodded.  “What happens if I don’t like the spicy margarita though?”

“Then we’ll get you another drink.”

Once all the drinks were made, they were brought back to the bar table the rest of the group managed to find and everyone began drinking.  Effie liked her spicy margarita.  Matthew let her take a sip of his beer but she didn’t like that too much.  She ordered another spicy margarita.  Her body began to feel tingly because of the tequila.  The music started to get progressively louder, too, the bass making the floor vibrate.  Effie looked out onto the dance floor to see a bunch of people her age dancing – grinding, as Matthew called it at Andrew’s birthday many months ago.  She watched them intently, while they were having the time of their lives.  

“You okay?” Matthew asked, bending down to ask as she was looking out at the crowd.  

“I want to dance but I don’t know how to,” she revealed.  “I’m just…looking to see what everyone else is doing.  I wouldn’t be comfortable with that grinding.”

Matthew couldn’t help but smile.  “Nobody knows how to dance, Effie.  We all just move our bodies to the beat of the music.”

The song changed suddenly and it made Geneviève scream at the top of her lungs in excitement.  Effie watched as she grabbed her drink and Jacob’s hand and dragged him towards the dance floor as they began to dance together.  Levi and Jenna followed, and so did Annica and Elias.  The couples weren’t grinding like the university students, but instead danced facing each other, holding hands or swaying back and forth, holding their drinks it their hands and raising them up in the air, miraculously not spilling a thing.  She and Matthew were the only ones left at the bar table.  “This was their wedding song, I think,” Matthew explained, watching Effie watch Jacob and Geneviève dancing.

“What’s it called?”

“I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.”

“Levi hasn’t introduced me to that one.”

“Levi isn’t the type to listen to Whitney Houston.”

Effie continued to watch them dance, Geneviève singing the lyrics to Jacob at the top of her lungs.  They were so in love with each other, even she could see it, and she barely knew what healthy love was.  A part of her wondered what made them love each other so much, and another part of her wondered if she should ask.  Was it rude to ask something like that?

“D’you want to dance, Effie?” Matthew asked.

Effie looked up at him.  “Do you think people will laugh at me because I don’t know how?”

He shook his head.  “There’s so many people and they’re all so drunk, they won’t even notice you.”

She gripped her margarita tighter.  There was something to be said about overcoming fears ever since she left the cult, and this could be classified as one of them.  But she wasn’t like these university students who were moving their bodies so freely and easily.  She was much more restrained – with everything really – but she wanted to actively work to move away from that.  Conquer her fears.  Do what she needed to do to shed herself from the past.  So she nodded her head.  “Let’s go.”

Matthew grabbed her hand and led her on to the dance floor, moving his body to the song with his beer still in his hand, doing his best not to spill it everywhere, but especially not on Effie wearing Geneviève’s expensive red dress.  Effie watched, moving her feet back and forth awkwardly.  She looked up at Matthew for reassurance, only to see him already smiling at her.  “You got it, you got it,” he said, moving his feet in a similar way.  

“What do I do with my hands?” she asked.

“Just throw ‘em up!” he showed her.  She did the same movements, but she couldn’t step or move with the beat of the music.  Matthew could tell she was nervous.  “Just move your body, Effie.  Move it however you want.  Doesn’t need to be on beat.”

Effie closed her eyes, trying to get the feel of the song in her, but she lost her groove because it soon ended and another began.  This one was even more upbeat – well, it had a better beat – and Effie began to move again.  

Feel buried alive This city is airtight Suffocated and lonely in the crowd I'm surrounded by All the screens of their life Screaming in to space to drown them out

Effie not only began to move her feet and hands, but she tried swaying her hips a bit.  She liked this beat.  She loved this beat.  She lost herself completely in it, dancing with no inhibitions.  Matthew watched as she let loose, moving her body in tune with the music.  Her dancing was unlike anyone else’s around her, and the only thing he wanted to was copy her.  It looked a bit ridiculous, but it didn’t matter to Matthew.  He’d made himself look more ridiculous than this before.  This was nothing.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie opened her eyes to see Matthew.  Matthew, who would wait for her.  Matthew, who had waited for her.  

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

“Go Effie!  Go Effie!” Annica chanted, coming up beside them with Elias, grooving to the beat of the music.  Annica watched Effie moving and followed her movements too – albeit more fluidly – and when Effie looked up and saw Annica, a giant smile took over her face.  Annica screamed in excitement and cheered their drinks together before moving with her, beside Matthew, letting him get closest to her.

So hold me tight I just wanna fade out Somewhere we can ship the world away I'm ready to hide Far from the fallout They won't find us in the paradise we'll make

“Woooooooo!  You go girl!  Get loose!” Geneviève screamed from her other side, approaching them with Jacob beside her who was doing a modified version of the robot.  Matthew watched as Effie closed her eyes, going into her own little world, raising her arms and bopping her body to the music.  It was the happiest and most carefree he’d ever seen her.  He vowed right then and there to take her dancing whenever she wanted to go so she could feel this same way.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie was feeling it.  She loved it.  She loved this.  She loved the people she was surrounded by.  If this was love, she wanted to feel it all the time.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

When she opened her eyes again, she saw everyone dancing around her.  She stepped closer to Matthew, almost so close that she could feel his body against hers.  They moved together to the climax of the song, Matthew looking down at her and smiling.

Free falling from the high I'm following the voice I know Free falling from the high I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

In his tuxedo and in her frilly red dress with cape sleeves, surrounded by people. it felt like they were the only ones in the world.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

***

“I think I can live a normal life with him,” Effie told Dr. Barlow as she sat in her usual seat in the office, looking down at her hands.  She’d already been talking for almost an hour during her session, but she felt the need to get that statement out.  Dr. Barlow had the right to know.

“With Matthew?” Dr. Barlow clarified.

Effie nodded her head.  Who else would she be talking about?  “He’s never once made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe or…like…ashamed of what I went through,” she elaborated.  

“That’s a very positive thing,” Dr. Barlow said, her voice steady.  “It’s good that you’re thinking about these things, Effie.  You’re thinking about your future.  You actually see a future for yourself.  But how normal do you think a friendship or perhaps even a life with a hockey player can be?” she asked.

Effie shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know.  I barely understand hockey as it is.”

“Well, hockey players don’t exactly live the most conventional of lifestyles.  They travel a lot, as I’m sure you know since Levi travels with the team.”

“Yeah…” Effie didn’t know where Dr. Barlow was going with this.  “That’s…that’s not the biggest deal to me.”

Dr. Barlow nodded her head, writing something down on her pad of paper.  “Have you continued to kiss him since he’s come back?”  Effie nodded.  “Regularly?”

“Semi-regularly.”

“Have you told Dr. Stevenson?” she asked.  Effie nodded again.  “Do you still envision Abraham sometimes?”

Effie hesitated before nodding her head.  She knew she couldn’t lie.  “It’s been getting better though.  We kissed for a couple of minutes once before I, um, felt Abraham’s beard.  And when he stopped, he didn’t get mad at all.  I means it’s progress from when he brushed up against me in bed and I gave him a black eye,” she tried to joke.

Dr. Barlow apparently didn’t find it funny like Matthew had.  She just nodded again and wrote on her note pad.  “You should tell Dr. Stevenson about that.”

***

“I made another pint of maple pecan ice cream,” Effie told Levi as she handed him a Tupperware full of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.  They were mostly for Jenna – she was craving them.  Jenna had been craving a lot of things lately, ever since Effie got her own mixer, anyway.  Effie had been experimenting making ice cream.  The café was pleased about this as well.  The owner was already looking to invest in ice cream storage to be able to serve it.  “I’ve found a real gem in you, Effie,” the owner would repeat over and over again to her.  Matthew had to stop himself constantly from getting a third bowl on nights he’d come over.  He’d tap at his stomach and say “I can’t” but when he’d go and put his bowl in the sink, she’d always see him hesitate before he did so.  “Do you want it?”

“Please,” he begged his sister.  She moved to open her freezer.  “I swear Effie, the best thing Matthew’s ever done was get you that KitchenAid.  I’ve been gaining weight ever since.”

Effie smiled.  “At least you’re not the hockey player that has to stay in peak physical condition.  Matthew’s been complaining that I’m making him pudgy.”

“Thank God.”

“Speaking of…” she began, handing him the pint of ice cream.  “Do you think you can teach me about hockey?”

“You mean like the rules and stuff?”

“Yeah.  You know, like what’s going on out there whenever I’m at games.”

“Okay,” he nodded, shrugging his shoulder slightly.  “Any reason?”

“If I’m going to be surrounded by hockey because of you, then I should learn it, shouldn’t I?” Effie asked rhetorically.  

“Sure,” he side-eyed his sister playfully.  “But does this have anything to do with Matthew?”

“What if it does?”

Levi smiled.  He knew there was something going on between the two of them, regardless of whether or not they wanted to tell him.  He liked Matthew, he knew he was a good kid, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.  She could have hooked up with someone way worse.  Actually, she could have gone the opposite route of where she currently was (which many former cult members went), which was becoming a hypersexual after being sexually repressed for so many years.  Effie was taking her time with it, and that was fine, but if her friendship…or relationship, or whatever she had going on with Matthew was any indication, Levi figured Effie was thinking about it.  “I don’t care, Effie.  It’s kind of cute, actually.”

“So you’ll teach me?”

“Of course.  I’ll have you screaming at the referees in no time.”

***

“So Levi’s teaching me about hockey,” Effie said as she marinated chicken in her kitchen, her phone call with Matthew on speakerphone as she moved around and got her hands dirty.  

“He is?”

“Mhm.  By the time the home opener comes around, I’ll be able to understand what’s going on,” she revealed.

“I better get you a Tkachuk jersey then.”

Effie smiled bashfully, even though he couldn’t see it.  “You don’t want me wearing a Markstrom one like last time?” she joked.

“Effie.”

***

Effie was nervous as she sat in Dr. Stevenson’s office.  Not because she was scared, or because she wasn’t a good sex therapist, or because of anything like that.  She was nervous to admit to her the thoughts she’d been having about Matthew, even though she knew Dr. Stevenson wouldn’t judge her at all and that it was his job to help her.  Help her make peace with these thoughts; help her realize they were completely normal and okay; help her act on them, eventually, in a healthy way.  Dr. Stevenson already knew about Matthew – she knew about him from Effie’s very first day.  

“My mind may not be ready but my body is physically attracted to him. I don’t know how to…you know, mend the two so that both are on the same page,” Effie admitted after almost an hour.  “I want to be with him.  I do.  I know he won’t hurt me – that he’d never hurt me.”

Dr. Stevenson nodded.  “When you were in the People’s Dominion of Christ, there was a huge power imbalance between Abraham, being the prophet and leader, and the followers – you,” Dr. Stevenson began to explain.  “This imbalance made it impossible for you to give true consent to sex.”

Effie’s body stiffened.  Consent.  Geneviève had taught her that term early on.  Consent was giving permission for something to happen.  Effie had never given her consent to marry Abraham.  She’d never given Abraham consent to consummate their marriage.  She’d never given Abraham consent to touch her, stroke her, do anything to her.  She’d surely never given him consent to impregnate her.  “Okay…that makes sense.  But I didn’t know I had to give consent.  I thought that men could do whatever they wanted with my body.  Especially Abraham, since he was the prophet.”

“The institutionalized sexism in the cult is nothing I haven’t heard before.  Many victims like yourself have said the exact same thing to me,” Dr. Stevenson said.  “You are not alone.  There are many people like you, unfortunately.  When females are not equally valued because of misogyny, because of outdated traditional gender roles that are disempowering, it makes women like you experience sexual inequality and become more susceptible to leaders who will exploit you.”

“So how do I get it back?”

“Get what back?”

“My agency.  My…my…” Effie began to tear up, thinking about all the things she had to endure at the hands of Abraham – literally and metaphorically.  “How do I get my mind back?  My body is finally mine, and I can do what I want with it, but I don’t feel like I have my mind back yet if I’m kissing Matthew but then all of a sudden I remember the feeling of Abraham’s beard or that I can’t sit or lie at the foot of a bed because that’s where…”

Dr. Stevenson took a deep breath.  “One way to do so is to embrace, appreciate, and celebrate your sexual self.  That is what I am trying to help you do here.  You need to understand that your capacity for pleasure is not a luxury, and it is not shameful either.  It is a necessity for a well-balanced and emotionally happy life.  As a woman – as a survivor of sexual abuse, of rape – you should take a stand for your own sexual healing and embrace sexual pleasure as something that will help heal you.”

Effie nodded her head, more tears escaping her now, but she understood.  She knew what she needed to do, and the mental shift she needed to go through.  Touching could be pleasurable for the woman.  Sex could be pleasurable for the woman. Not everything had to hurt.  Not everything had to come with pain.  

“I’m not saying this is going to happen tomorrow for you, Effie,” Dr. Stevenson continued.  “I’m not saying it’ll happen next month, or year.  It happens quickly for some, and for others it can take years.  Everybody has their own timeline – you included.  You have to remember that your trauma comes with complex PTSD.  If you set goals for yourself, like you already have been doing, with a person you are comfortable with – Matthew – your sexual self will grow with your physical self and your mental self.  When those three parts of you are aligned, they will all grow stronger, and make you stronger.”

Effie kept nodding.  The words were permeating through her like lightning.  “I’m going to try.  I’m really going to try.”

“Just stop when you need to stop.  Go when you want to go.  You’ll get there, Effie.”

***

“Did you learn about gay people in the cult?” Matthew asked as he prepared Brokeback Mountain on the TV while Effie finished pouring the popcorn into the bowl.  

“Not in a good way, if that’s what you’re really asking,” she said from the kitchen.  “You know the stupid Bible verse.  The prophet called it an abomination.  But it was one of the first things that Levi and Jenna taught out of me when I first went to live with them, because Jenna’s brother is gay and has a husband and two kids.  Levi didn’t want me to be shocked if I ever saw them.”

Matthew didn’t know that about Jenna.  But he nodded his head and watched Effie bring the bowl of popcorn over.  “Have you met them?”

Effie nodded.  “They came over a few months after I arrived.  They were so incredibly kind,” she explained.  She handed the popcorn bowl to Matthew to take before folding her leg and collapsing onto the couch beside him, facing him.  “It really…it really messed with me.  I mean, it’s not like I wanted to think that way.  It was what I was conditioned to think.  I didn’t know better.  And I felt so bad, because I knew they knew, but they were so understanding.  From the moment they walked through the door they were so nice and they didn’t hold it against me,” she explained.  

Matthew could only listen.  And though he listened through her entire explanation, he was hung up on one thing.  “You should stop calling him the prophet,” he said suddenly, not really thinking it through but needing to get it out.  “He wasn’t a prophet.  He wasn’t even your husband.  He was just some guy.”

Effie looked stunned by what he was saying.  She’d never considered that before.  She was so used to calling him the prophet that the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind – ever.  “You’re right,” she said, unable to say anything else.  It was such a simple sentiment but it held so much power.  “I…you’re right, Matthew.”

He smiled slightly.  “Wanna start the movie?”

Effie nodded.  Matthew extended his arm to move the bowl to the side, and his other arm moved upwards slightly, signalling to Effie that it was already to cuddle.  She moved closer to him, snuggling into his side and letting both legs drape over his thigh.  Only then did he let his arm down, draping it over her back.  Effie looked up at him.  “Is that okay?” she asked.

“It’s perfect,” he whispered, placing the bowl of popcorn between their bodies so they had equal access to it.  “You comfortable?”

“Mhm.”

“Effie, are you comfortable?” he repeated.

She knew why he was repeating himself.  She looked up at him and smiled.  “The comfiest I’ve ever been.”

Matthew pressed play.  From that moment, Effie’s eyes were glued to the screen, hooked on the love story unfolding in front of her.  For Matthew, he was more hooked on watching her than the movie, but he kept up slightly.  At some point during the movie – Matthew didn’t pay attention when – Effie’s hand settled on his abs, and it was all he could think about for the rest of the night.  He was acutely aware of its placement.  Then, the sadder scenes started happening, and he’d feel the hand grip his t-shirt, and his body would seize up.  She’d soften it, but then grip again when something emotional would happen.  Then the scene where Ennis visits Jack’s parents after his death occurred, and Ennis was let into Jack’s childhood bedroom and found his old shirt.  Matthew watched as Ennis smelled it and clutched it against his chest.

Then he heard Effie let out a sob.  

She gripped him tighter than she ever had.  He tightened his hold on her too, shifting slightly and letting his shirt ride up against the couch, just so she could cuddle into him even more than she already was.  He could feel her hand on his skin now, gripping at his side tenderly as the tears still rolled down her face.  He took the opportunity to place his hand in the small sliver of space where her shirt had ridden up too, squeezing and massaging it gently to comfort her.  “Y’okay?” his voice was barely above a whisper.

She didn’t respond.  Her eyes were glued to the TV.  As the movie continued, Matthew left his hand exactly where it was, and Effie left her hand exactly where it was.  Holding each other.  Clutching each other.  

When the movie ended, Effie didn’t move for a long time.  Not even when the credits began rolling on the screen.  “Are you okay, Effie?” Matthew repeated his question from earlier, albeit a bit louder and more pronounced this time.

“I think my heart is broken,” she finally let out, bringing the hand that was squeezing his side to her face so she could wipe her tears away.  “That was beautiful.  Beautiful.”

“It was,” Matthew agreed.  It was very obvious the movie was affecting her a lot.

Effie moved so she could look up at Matthew, craning her head and bringing her hand up to cradle his face so she could kiss him.  When their lips connected, Matthew could feel the wetness of her cheeks.  “I can’t believe I was ever scared of that,” she whispered against his lips when she pulled away.

“Doesn’t matter.  What matters is what you think now.”

Effie nodded.  He always knew the right things to say.  He was helping her change her past and way of thinking one way or another.  “I think I want to kiss you again.”

Matthew kissed her.  And even as the credits finished, neither of them would let go of the other.

***

The Calgary Flames home opener at the Saddledome had Effie buzzing with excitement.  She wore a brand new pair of jeans for the occasion, and arrived at the game with Jenna, Annica, and Geneviève.  As was normal for them, Annica was wearing her tried and true Lindholm jersey, while Geneviève was sporting a Markstrom one.  Jenna wore Levi’s old Iginla jersey.  

Effie had Tkachuk sprawled across her back.  

“Do you want to go down near the ice and wave?” Annica asked, and Effie nodded her head.  “It might get a big crowded, so stay near me.”

The ladies descended down the steps, joining the pretty big crowd that had formed against the glass beside Jacob’s net.  A bunch of kids were up against the glass with homemade signs, their parents near them taking pictures.  Some men around Effie’s age were there too, drinking beers with their jerseys on and taking videos on their phones.  Other girls her age were there too, taking pictures of all the players.  “Can you see Matthew?” Geneviève asked as she looked down at Effie.

“He’s over there,” she smiled, pointing at Matthew across the ice.  He was practicing his stickhandling, in such deep concentration that he didn’t look up for a while.  When he finally did look up, happy with his stickhandling, he began skating around the ice, bumping into Noah and Andrew along the way.  

Effie waved excitedly.

Matthew stopped when he saw her.  Even though there was glass streaked with puck shots and some distance between them, she could see him smile from ear to ear, his mouth guard hanging out.  He waved back, his hockey glove looking like a giant bear claw.

“God you two are insufferable,” Geneviève said jokingly.

Matthew continued to skate around, shooting the puck at the net, each of them going in.  Geneviève noticed all of his glances back at them, and the small smile constantly on his face as he went about his drills.  When the practice was almost over, she kept an eye intently on him, watching as he skated over.  She knew what he wanted to go.  “Go closer,” she said to Effie, urging her with a little nudge.  

Effie took her cue and stepped down, closer to the glass.  Matthew had flipped a puck over the glass towards a kid with a sign for him.  Now, as Effie watched, he pointed to her and made sure everyone around knew who he was pointing to.  She turned around slightly, pointing to his name on her back.  He smiled wide and flipped another puck, perfectly, right into her hands.  

Geneviève watched as the young women around them eyed Effie suspiciously.

***

“Matthew!” Effie squealed once he finally emerged from the locker room, his suit back on and his tie tied loosely around his neck.  She hugged him excitedly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he reciprocated.  “Great game!”

“Thanks, Effie.”

“And your goal!” she continued.  Now that she actually understood hockey, and now that she wasn’t scared about every little thing around her at the arena, she could actually enjoy the experience and know what was going on.  “What a great goal!”

He had the puck in his pocket, and had planned to give it to her, but right now his mind was elsewhere.  Seeing her in his jersey at the beginning of the game did things to him, and although he was able to focus throughout the sixty minutes, now that he saw her again with his name sprawled across her back, his mind was right where it was the moment he first saw her that night.  “Wanna come over mine and watch a movie?” he asked, his voice low so no-one else would hear.

To his complete surprise, Effie nodded her head immediately.  “Of course.”

They left inconspicuously without saying goodbye to anyone.

***

Effie broke down during the first scene.

Matthew had changed out of his suit and into a sweater and track pants, and Effie had taken off the jersey and hung it up in his front closet.  They cuddled on the couch together, exactly as they’d done when they watched Brokeback Mountain, and Matthew pressed play on Netflix.  The first scene was the main character, Esty, packing up her most valuable belongings, including a small picture of her grandmother, and running away from her Hasidic community.  All before the opening credits.  When the show’s opening played, he heard Effie let out a loud sob.

“Hey hey hey,” he cooed, watching as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth to try and control herself, but there was no use.  Tears were streaming down her face.  “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

“It’s me,” she said softly, through tears.  “It’s me.”

“C’mere,” he said, pulling her even closer against his body, if that was possible.  Every inch of her was touching him now, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, and he hoped that brought her at least some reprieve.  She was wiping her face with her hands, and he could see her chest heaving, though he could tell she was taking deep breaths to calm herself down.  Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.  “We can stop it or watch so—”

“No,” she interjected sternly, looking up at him.  “I can do this.”

“I know you can Effie, but—”

“No buts.  I can watch this,” she was adamant.  

Matthew lost.  He knew he would.  He bit his bottom lip and nodded his head.  “Will you promise to tell me if it becomes too much?”

Effie nodded.  She snuck her hand underneath his sweater to feel his skin again, and she – surprisingly – game him a quick peck before laying her head on his chest again.  “Press play.”

Matthew kissed her forehead, then the crown of her head, then laid his cheek there before pressing play.  

Effie broke down again less than ten minutes later, when the grandmother was listening to an old German song, An Die Musik sung by Elisabeth Scwartzkopf.  And again, when Yanky was searching her childhood bedroom and found her personal items and her music.  The last scene she cried to was near the end, when Esty’s biological mother showed up and gave her documents to prove German citizenship “just in case you need somewhere else to go”.  When the episode ended, Effie was shedding her last tears.  Matthew paused Netflix before the episode could switch over.  “You okay?”

Effie nodded, despite her tears.  “I know it’s different religions, but a lot of things were just, like, so similar,” she explained.  “The…the beginning brought me back.”

“I can only imagine,” Matthew whispered.

“The grandmother crying listening to that beautiful song.  Esty’s music.  Her mom still looking out for her despite abandoning her.  It all just…it all just really hit home.”  Matthew nodded.  It was the only thing he could do.  If Effie wanted to elaborate, she could, but he wasn’t going to force her.  Instead, he shifted her body so she was sitting more in his lap as opposed to right beside him.  She steadied her breathing, and her tears had stopped.  “When I went to live with the proph—Abraham, as his wife,” she began, “he made me leave everything at home besides my clothes.  I couldn’t see my favourite things unless I was visiting, and even then, I’d never be alone in my room for more than two minutes because he knew I’d be reminiscing, and he said it was a sin to dwell on my past life when I should have been looking forward to my future as his wife and as a mother to his son of God.”  She paused, biting her bottom lip; Matthew could tell she was remembering it all vividly in her mind.  “After a year my mom threw out all my things anyway.  Because she agreed with him.”

“What did you have?  What were your things?” he asked, sad and angry and disturbed all at once.  

“Just simple things.  Nothing special,” she said.  “My…my own Bible that I’d been using since I was a kid.  A journal I had where I recorded my favourite verses.  A doll I had when I was a kid that another member made for me.  Just stupid things.”

“They’re not stupid things if they were special for you,” Matthew said.  “I can’t believe your mom threw them all out.  My mom has kept my kindergarten paintings.”

Effie smiled slightly.  “That’s because you have a good mom who knows how to be a mother.”

Matthew digressed.  Effie obviously hadn’t meant Chantal yet, but Matthew talked about her enough that Effie knew a lot about her.  “I know I keep saying this, but you’re so strong, Effie.”

“It’s a lot to overcome,” she whispered, nodding her head.  They sat for a while in comfortable silence, just being with each other.  Matthew’s arms were still wrapped around her.  Effie was still in hip lap, looking at him.  “Will you kiss me, Matthew?”

Matthew smiled slightly before dipping his head down and capturing her lips in a kiss.  It wasn’t long before – once again – Effie took the initiative to slip her tongue into his mouth.  There was kissing – so much kissing – and Matthew took it upon himself to start to lay Effie down on the couch, his body looming over hers slightly and—

“Stop,” Effie said, her hands on his chest, pushing him off her slightly.  Matthew immediately stopped and moved away from her.  Her chest heaved up and down once before she pushed herself up.  “I’m sorry.”

“Never apologize,” he said.  “Did you see him again?”

Effie didn’t answer.  “I think it happened because we laid down,” she said, her lips puffy from all the kissing.  

Matthew was catching his breath.  He was thankful that he was wearing track pants or else Effie would see how…excited he’d become.  “How about you stay on top then?”

She furrowed her brows.  “What do you mean?”

“We—we can stay upright,” Matthew explained.  “You can sit on my lap if you want…facing me.  Or you could just…you know, like, sit…” he was losing his words.

Effie looked confused.  Nervous.  Like she didn’t know what to think.  Like she was picturing the scenario in her head and couldn’t really make sense of any of it.  “W—Women are allowed to do that?” she asked softly.  Matthew couldn’t speak; he could only stare at her flabbergasted.  He nodded his head slightly, and Effie thought about it.  How women could be ‘on top’.  What that would look like.  What that would entail.  “C…Can you—can you show…” she was too embarrassed to even be asking.  

“C’mere,” he said, extending his hand.  She put her hand in his and he pulled her towards him.  “Put your one leg over here,” he said, patting to the space on the other side of him.  She did so slowly.  “And your other leg goes here,” he explained, and she did the same movement, “and now you can just sit on my lap.”

Effie took a deep breath as she lowered herself down until she could feel his thighs as her seat.  Both she and Matthew had barely blinked the entire time during his simple act of showing her how to straddle him, but she had never done it before (and it wasn’t like she would have been allowed to), and so everything about it was new to her.  Now, she was face-to-face with him, her hands resting on his chest, his hands resting near the bend in her knees.  “This is new,” she said.

“Are you comfy?” he asked.  She nodded.  “D’you like it?” he asked again.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” she admitted.  “But I can see it being nice.”

Being nice.  Matthew couldn’t help but grin.  “It’ll be nice.  Trust me.”

Effie nodded.  She did trust Matthew.  So when she went in to continue their kisses, it was nice, and it was beautiful, and it wasn’t so bad anymore.  Which is why, when Matthew’s hands moved from her knees up her thighs, it was okay.  When his hands squeezed at her flesh through her pants before going higher, it was okay.  When his hands moved to her hips and pulled her even closer, it was okay.

It was okay.

[fbfh]

I think you've horribly misread the situation [shitty roommate pt 2] - leo x reader

wc: 2.3k

genre: contemporary drama, you're definitly going to get second hand embarrassment, cozy fluff

pairing: leo x reader, attempted isabella x leo

reader: gender neutral, they/them

requested: hell yeah

warnings: mild swearing, roommate tries to steal your man once again, mentions of various mainstream vampire media (twilight, the vampire diaries etc.), brief mention of castlevania (even though i haven't seen it yet lol), breif mention of videogames and assassins creed, very mild delusion (roommate is secretly convinced leo is a vampire that's in love with her), attempted age gap relationship (she's 17 and leo's 19, he shuts that down real fast), very bad poetry

summary: You and Leo are both looking foward to spending a long weekend together, and Leo is determined not to let anything interrupt it, even if it means turning down your roommate's attempts to seduce him in the kitchen.

a/n: absolutley no hate or shade or judgement to anyone who has the same or similar traits as isabella!!!!!! at her core she's annoying because she's the antagonist, not bc of any isolated trait or traits

also she's shitty cause she keeps trying to steal your boyfriend?????

Edit: I forgot to mention before, but this is a college au where you're both still demigods, so you went to camp and on quests and stuff together

This weekend is going to be all about recharging. Recharging from the ridiculous back to back closing and opening shifts at work, recharging from having to redo that stupid project twice because your professor couldn’t decide on a clear way to define the criteria, and recharging from Isabella having her townie friend Regan over almost non stop to “completely shake up her look” as she put it.

Between the constant presence of someone you’d barely consider an acquaintance and Big Time Rush’s self titled album blasting on repeat out of her giant airpod shaped speaker, it’s been harder than usual to get in some effective self care. You have no idea how many more times you can hear the phrase “I’m going for Jade West meets Elena Gilbert, with just a little Buffy Summers” before you lose your fucking mind.

Thankfully, the hard part is almost over. There’s some minor holiday tomorrow on friday, so you and Leo both have a three day weekend ahead of you, which you intend to spend entirely together. You planned ahead, frontloading homework, chores, errands, and everything you could think of to remove anything that isn’t cuddling or playing video games and watching netflix together from your horizon.

This includes going straight from work to the grocery store to stock the fridge and get any snacks you and Leo want. You had texted him a while ago asking for anything he was craving, and head into the store with a concrete list. After a while, you circle around some aisles, avoiding the check out.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something,” you muse, knowing it’s untrue, but hoping to trigger a memory anyway. You can’t put it off any longer, finally checking out and heading back to your apartment. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t avoiding Isabella just a little.

You know bringing in all these groceries would be way easier with Isabella and possibly Regan’s help, but you just don’t have the social energy to talk to anyone, much less her, right now. By some miracle, you bring everything in yourself, and hope to get it put away before you see Isabella.

You turn to the freezer, putting away the ice cream. When you turn back around, you’re suddenly met face to face with Isabella, who has opened one of the boxes and is picking at a pastry.

“Hey girlie,” she says, elongating the hey.

“Hey,” you reply lethargically, putting the last of the groceries away. She looks at the pastry in her hand like she’s just noticing it.

“Sorry, I can’t help it, I’m italian.” She smiles, endeared by her own behavior. You have no idea what being italian has to do with asking before you open a box of your roommate’s food, but this really isn’t out of character for her. She brings up the fact that she’s half italian more than Lele Pons blames her behavior on being latina.

She’s wearing sweatpants that say chaser on the leg in red and gold varsity font, and a tight tee shirt that says “it’s okay to love them both” with silhouettes of the male love interests from one of the vampire shows she always watches. You collect the plastic bags to put in recycling, and see a piece of paper on the counter.

It reads as follows:

Drowning in my mind

No one hears me cry

Who was I before society

Before society put me in a pink dress

And handed me blonde hair dye

And told me to lose ten pounds or be labeled a freak?

The happiest people cry the most

Let the lyrics be your story

But I’m not like the other skinny blonde pretty girls

I’m

Different

-b.g. xox

You hold back a sigh.

“I think this is yours.” you say, handing it to her.

“Oh, it’s just some of my poetry I left lying around, that’s so embarrassing.”

I know, you think, you do that all the time.

“Did you read it?” She asks, hopefully.

“Nope.”

“Thank god, that would have been so embarrassing. My poetry is something really… deep, and personal to me.”

“Uh huh. Hey, I’m going to be doing a lot of self care this weekend, so-”

“Oh!” she interjects, eerily similar to Phoebe Buffay - you guess she’s been watching friends again - “I wanted to ask… is Leo coming over later?” Her voice is riddled with subtext, the expression on her face a little too invested in your answer.

“Uh, yeah. I told you the other day we’re spending the weekend together…”

She cuts you off again, a sudden, intense look on her face.

“When will he be here?”

You check your phone, scrolling through your recent texts.

“By 7 at the latest.” It’s around 6:40 now.

“Oh my god, I have to change,” she rushes back to her room, presumably digging through her recent additions to her closet.

You’re frozen for a minute after the interaction, left with a furrowed brow and the beginnings of a headache. You blink, then choose to reschedule processing why she feels the need to change for your boyfriend to a more convenient time. That’s enough of that for today. You don’t care what else happens, you’re not talking to anyone besides Leo for at least the rest of the day. You retreat to your room to finally shower and change into something comfy. As you pass by Isabella’s room, you hear her talking to Regan.

“...There’s something almost… supernatural about him.”

You bite back a laugh.

“Do you think he’s a…” Regan begins, ending the sentence with something too quiet to hear, but you’d bet almost any organ she said vampire.

So close. So, so close, and yet… here you are.

Not much later, Leo texts you to let you know he’s here. You read his text, and run out to hug him in the living room before even typing a reply. He picks you up, and spins you around. The embrace is warm and fulfilling and familiar, and you wish it would last forever.

“Hi, Sparky.” you murmur into his neck.

“Estrella…” he says, rocking you back and forth gently and pressing a kiss into your jawline, “I missed you so much.” He punctuates the sentence with another kiss, this one to your lips, and you smile more genuinely than you have all day. You’re about to agree when you remember the good news you’ve been saving to tell him in person.

“Guess what I got on sale for like, half off,” you start, excitedly, continuing at his invested expression, “the Assassin’s Creed bundle I showed you!”

“No way,” he starts, and you nod.

“I’ll go get everything set up, drinks are in the kitchen!” He watches you retreat into your room, disbelieving how he could possibly get someone as perfect as you to fall for him. He’s not going to question his luck. He grabs a couple caffeinated sparkling ices, and meets you in your room, setting down his bag and grabbing some comfy clothes to change into.

As you both get settled in, you fill each other in on all the ridiculous shit you’ve been through this week. You finally conclude the bizarre - yet somehow standard - Isabella escapades.

“So I will be avoiding all contact as much as possible,” you laugh.

“Yeah, no shit,” he agrees, “Consider me your human buffer.” You thank him, hugging him again and pressing a kiss to his lips.

The next couple hours are spent cuddling and finishing season 4 of Castlevania. Both reeling from the season finale, you agree this is a good place to take a break, get some food, and decide what game you should start with. It’s already 10pm, which most people would consider too late for dinner, but you have all weekend to fuck up your sleep schedules.

“Let’s review,” Isabella says, holding up two red lipsticks. She turns to Regan. “Which one?”

“That one,” Regan says, pointing to the one on the left, then turns to her list, and continues. “Here’s what we know; we’ve never seen him eat, and he never seems tired. He’s really smart-”

“Almost too smart,” Isabella adds, selecting black rose dangle earrings from her jewelry. Regan agrees, and continues.

“He’s almost hypnotically attractive, and his smile is a little too dazzling.”

“There’s something… supernatural about him. Like he’s not… all human.”

Regan writes this down.

“Plus he’s always wearing black and red, and those flowy button up shirts? It’s all adding up, Ree. That dream that someone was outside my window, the ring, everything…” She says, referencing the black and red cocktail ring she’d found with her stuff when she’d first moved, “I’m not saying it’s definite, just that… there’s a chance.”

“What about…” Regan says hesitantly, nodding toward your room.

“Please,” she scoffs, “he’s only with them to get close to me, like Damon and Caroline. Edward couldn’t have just approached Bella out of the blue, he had to infiltrate her friend group first, to seem less suspicious. Not to sound mean or anything, but they really don’t seem like the type someone… like him… would choose.” her voice gets dreamy when she mentions him.

In spite of having seen most mainstream vampire media almost as many times as Isabella, Regan still considers her the expert on these things, and decides not to point out that Edward didn’t infiltrate Bella’s friend group. Maybe it comes up in one of the retellings she hasn’t read yet.

“So, what now?”

Isabella sets down her lipstick, and turns to her friend.

“I tell him.”

Regan’s eyes widen.

“You’re going to tell him you know?”

“No… not yet. It’s too soon, we don’t have enough evidence. I’m going to tell him I know he’s in love with me, then once he’s secure in our relationship... we’ll see where it goes.”

She stands up, assessing herself in the mirror. She chose her outfit carefully; short red dress with black roses and black mesh collar, black rose bracelet to match her earrings, snug faux leather jacket, and black stiletto ankle booties with a very skinny heel, the zipper on the outside gold, not silver. She fluffs her wavy hair and turns towards the door. She looks back one more time, holding onto the doorway.

“Wish me luck.”

Leo enters the kitchen, seeing Isabella already there, leaning against the counter seductively. She’s wearing an outfit and jewelry this late at night that makes Leo wonder if she’s going to an emo tea party. He puts the takeout in the microwave. She’s still staring at him.

“Uh… hey.”

She lets out a dainty giggle, looking him up and down.

“... Hi.”

At a loss for words, and really wanting the awkward silence to be over, he continues, “Did you need something?”

“What I need,” she walks closer to him, tracing her finger over his collar, “is you.”

What the fuck?

His brain seems to stall for a moment, and she uses this opportunity to continue.

“I know why you’re here. I know that you’re only using them to get closer to me. I know-”

“Woah-”

“That you’re in love with me.”

Okay, double what the fuck.

She takes his stunned silence as shyness, and steps closer, putting her arms around his shoulders.

“You don’t need to play so coy, I-”

This time she’s the one that gets cut off. He grabs her arms and gently steps away, trying to make it abundantly clear that he’s not into this.

“Woah, okay, slow down. First of all, you’re 17 and I’m turning 20 in a couple months, so that’s a hard no. Second, I don’t know where you got this idea, but I am not dating them to get closer to you. We’ve known each other since we were like, 15, and have been through everything together. I’ve only known you for a couple months. I love them. Probably more than I’ve loved anything ever. I thought that was pretty obvious.”

He doesn’t want to be mean, he really doesn’t, but he can tell from the look on her face that she still thinks this is all part of some game.

“So why don’t I ever see you eat? Why are you so smart, and always up at night? I know what you are.”

He has to physically hold back a laugh. He takes a step back, and places his hands on the counter.

“Isabella, I have adhd. And I’m literally an engineering student. Why wouldn’t I be smart and have a shitty sleep schedule?”

She starts to protest, and he pulls out the reheated take out from the microwave.

“And for the record, I do eat.”

Exiting the kitchen quickly and retreating back to your room, he hands you your food.

“I got the game set up!” you say excitedly.

“Nice!”

You take one look at his face and can tell something happened. He sees this, and continues.

“I just had a very… interesting interaction with Isabella,” before he finishes the sentence, your head is already in your hands. You let out a groan.

“What did she do?” you mutter from behind your hands.

He pulls you into his lap, rubbing your back.

“I’m not totally sure,” you laugh, “but I think she thinks I’m secretly in love with her…” you’re both laughing before he can even finish the sentence.

“No…” you laugh, “no fucking way…”

“Believe me, I put an end to that as soon as it started.”

“Oh, I do.”

He runs his hand over your back, and you’re quiet for a moment.

“You know,” he continues, “I think getting our own place has definitely moved up the priority list.”

You couldn’t agree more.

[woniepop]

TYPES OF DATES ENHYPEN WOULD TAKE YOU ON!

Pairings: Enhypen x Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: cursing and mentions of alcohol if you squint

Word Count: about 300 - 400 per member

a/n: this is my first enhypen work if it sucks pls tell me LOL I ALSO LEFT HEESUNGS ON A SAD NOTE OOPS. Also I wrote some of this at 2 am and it is raining so hard. I live in SoCal and I feel like I can’t function when it rains so I had to blast music in my headphones but it’s okay Iz*one’s Fiesta is top tier. I did not mean for it to turn out this long lol.

༑ ࿐ྂ。Lee Heesung

- Karaoke

Sitting on the couch of the private karaoke room, exhausted having just sung and danced all of I Can’t Stop Me, Heesung reaches out to take some of the kimbap you had made together before karaoke happened, kind of like two dates in one day. Since he was always busy, he wanted to spend the most amount of time he could with you this weekend, in case he couldn’t meet you the next. Heesung always did a great job of making you feel loved and appreciated, and today he especially wanted to give all his love and attention to you.

“We should rap all of Canceled in one breathe” Heesung suggests, knowing it was a whole three minute song. Although you know you’d die, you nod excitedly, ready to shout at the top of your lungs “THIS YOU?” because Tana definitely gets canceled every 5-7 business days. He starts off the song, both screaming at the top of your lungs, starting off with Bryce Hall 😼. The song goes very swimmingly actually, definitely taking more than one or two breathes.

Taking a call from your phone, you step outside so as to not disturb the caller with Shake it Off. Your mother wanted you home soon, but you desperately wanted to spend more time with Heesung. Stepping back into the room, you decide one more song is short enough to catch the last train home, you grab the remote and pick your last song, Perfect. It was definitely slower paced than the songs you had sang before but you wanted to have at least one moment of romance before it’s completely dead. Taking your hands, he wraps them around his neck and places his hands on your hips and sways side to side as he sings every word beautifully. Even if you could sing as good as him, he was always so hypnotizing when he sang to you. Ending the song with a kiss, you guys both pull away, very sad at the fact that the night has come to an end.

THE REST ARE UNDER THE CUT!!

༑ ࿐ྂ。Jay Park

- Aquarium

- Aquarium

Walking through the hallways hand in hand, you enjoy each other’s presence while admiring all the children excited about the stingray that just swam by. Watching Jay’s face light up when he had finally found the sea otters, you giggle at how cute it was. “Look at all the baby sea otters, Y/n, they’re so cute ahhhh'' He says eagerly. Pulling out your phone to take a picture of him, he grabs your hand and takes your phone. “No, Y/n, we have to take this picture togetherrrr.” he whines. Sighing, you agree and wait for him to find someone to help take the picture for him, obviously right next to the sea otters. 

Continuing down the aquarium building, you find the automatic sliding door leading to the outside. Knowing exactly what lies beyond those doors, you pull Jay’s hand and rush out. As a kid, you loved coming to the aquarium to spend time at the petting tank, and now you got to experience it with Jay. Finding a spot at the tank, you dip your hand in and touch the bamboo sharks. You sigh in relief at the nostalgia of it, and turn your head to Jay. “Don’t you want to touch them too?” You ask innocently. Faced flushed, he frantically shakes his head, giving you a blatant no.

Laying your head on his shoulder, you bask in his presence, exhausted by the exciting day you had. Turning on his phone to check the time, you notice he’d set his lockscreen to you. “Did you take that while I was petting the sharks?” Embarrassed, he turns away and avoids the question. “HEY, I could take a picture of you alone for my wallpaper but you could??? Why is this so unfair???” you ask. 

“Because…” He says with a sheepish smile on his face. You quickly take out your phone and snap a picture. After a moment of playful fighting and begging to delete the photo on Jay’s end, he ultimately gave up and let you save it as your lock screen as well.

༑ ࿐ྂ。Jake Sim

- Laser tag

Having Jake as a partner, he’d always taken you on more high energy, adrenaline rushing dates, and today was no different. This date, however, he decided to take you to play laser tag, something you had never done before. Entering the lobby, you both decide to be on the same team for the first round, which helped you feel a bit of relief. Choosing a vest to put on, you get very very tangled in it, which causes Jake to laugh a bit but he eventually helps you out.

During your first round, Jake helps you out, staying by your side the entire time and even holding your hand to lead you through the room. It felt really nice, seeing him so protective of you in the moment, but you knew better than to like the thought of it too much, because the next round was going to be a lot different. Unexpectedly, your team lost, which made Jake feel even more competitive and pumped up for the next round.

The next round starts, and surprise!!!!! You and Jake are on opposing teams. It starts off very well actually :D. As soon as you enter the room, your heart starts beating out of your chest and you’re so nervous to be alone. Cautiously maneuvering through the hallways, you scan the premises thoroughly, knowing if Jake ever sees you throughout the game you’d be screwed. Surprisingly enough, you go a bit of time before you hear your vest’s alarm go off, signalling to you that someone has gotten you. You look all around you taking some time before finding Jake crouching on the other side of the wall. You run to the other side of the same wall, and decide to scare him before he could shoot you again. It works out very well, because the next time you see him, he screams and drops to the floor in shock. Taking this chance, you shoot his vest and run away, leaving him no time to get you back.

༑ ࿐ྂ。Park Sunghoon

- Birthday Party

Laying on the floor of your living room with Sunghoon, you lie on your back, trying to cool your body down as much as possible. The hot and humid Korean summers were definitely always fun, but not when you were craving cuddles. Thinking of activities the both of you could do without overheating, you think back to how refreshing all the ice cream was at your friend’s recent birthday party. Although it wasn’t even close to your guys’ birthdays, it gave you a great idea. You shoot up and rush to get dressed, leaving Sunghoon very confused. 

Finished, you come back to the living room. “Sunghoon, get dressed. We’re going to the market.” Without question, he does as you ask and you both head to the market in no time. 

Walking hand in hand down the ice cream aisle, you grab all the flavors you enjoy, filling your whole basket with different ice creams, toppings, fruit, drinks, and even a cake. “You’re quite hungry, aren’t you?” Sunghoon teases, earning him a slap to the arm.

As soon as you get home, you send Sunghoon alone to the bedroom, telling him you need time to prepare everything. You had pulled all the stops, whipping out the cheap snoopy shaved ice maker, birthday party hats, streamers, balloons, and banners. It was no one’s birthday in particular, but the fake birthday party put you in a festive and refreshing mood. You had set up a giant ice cream sundae bar, and had even made lemonade. 

Calling Sunghoon to come out of the bedroom, he was not surprised but very appreciative. He knew you’d pull sh!t like this Wanting to make it even more fun, he suggests to make sundaes for one another, which you happily agree to. The day was so fun, you had forgotten all about the time you had a few hours earlier, suffering in the heat of your apartment. 

Sunghoon on the other hand, was so happy that you planned something like this. He was never one to do anything cute for you unless you asked, begged so this time he wanted to show you how grateful he was to you by giving you one FREE boop on the nose. Scooping some ice cream with his fingertip, he lightly taps your nose, leaving the melted strawberry ice cream to drip off your nose.

༑ ࿐ྂ。Kim Sunoo

- Brunch

Being a foodie yourself, you and Sunoo would always go cafe hopping to try out different desserts and drinks. This Saturday morning in particular, you both decided it was time for a change. This change for the greater good would include brunching for hours like stuck up rich moms and judging everyone in the facility, as you do when you are a brunching mother. Dressing in your finest brunching attire and of course, sunglasses, your waiter leads you to the table and you strut down that walkway like you know the difference between regular and Belgian waffles.

Crossing your legs at the same time and sipping your orange juice, wishing you could have added some champagne. Your orders finally arrive, having ordered the classic avocado toast and eggs benedict. Starting with the avocado toast, as per tradition, you and Sunoo construct the perfect first bite, shove it into your mouths, make eye contact and a disgusted face, even though it was very obvious that you guys thought it was delicious.

“I feel they nailed the seasoning because avocado, egg, and bread are known to be very bland flavors. The poached egg was perfectly runny in the middle, which was so satisfying to me, especially knowing that the chef can actually cook an egg right.” You start off, pretending you were some high status food critic, above Gordon Ramsey almost.

Sunoo takes his spoon and splits apart the poached egg on the eggs benedict. The egg just so happened to be a tad bit overcooked and the yolk didn’t rush out as smoothly as the other one did. You make eye contact with Sunoo, the most disgusted look plastered on your faces. A couple seconds pass by and you burst out laughing, forgetting about the egg yolk and shoving a huge bite straight into your face.

༑ ࿐ྂ。Yang Jungwon

- Zoo

When you first suggested going to the zoo with Jungwon he looked at you with a confused face. He loved spending time with you, but why the zoo? It’s stinky and there are too many children everywhere. Nevertheless, after much convincing, he gave in and went with you. The screams of all the tiny children were giving him a headache, but he kept reminding himself he was here for you. Seeing the alligators first, it was definitely acting up and snapping its mouth very angrily and hissing. Just because he wanted to be nice by coming to the zoo with you, didn’t mean he was going to hold back on his snide remarks. 

“That’s you that one time I accidentally ate your pastry.” He comments. Rolling your eyes and smacking him in the arm, you continue on the path looking at all the animals in awe. The whole time you walked around you bickered back and forth, many “That’s you when/cause”s being thrown around mercilessly. 

The comment that took the cake and left both of you speechless was one made by you. Walking towards the flamingos, everyone knows them for being notoriously stinky. Pinching your nose to go with the comment you were about to say, you chuckle. “It smells like that one time you accidentally farted in your VLive.” you manage to get out with a straight face. I made that up lol

Jungwon stops in his tracks, looking at you like you had just betrayed him. .He stomps his feet on the floor and whines in the middle of the walkway. “Y/nnnnnn you know I’m sensitive about thatttt.” The time you spend with him after you get home consists of him clinging to you, demanding your undivided attention, cuddles and kissies, and for you to blow dry his hair after he showers. 

༑ ࿐ྂ。Nishimura Riki

- eating competition

Watching mukbangs all day and cuddling with Niki definitely got both of you hungry pretty quickly. With Niki being a bit homesick and you wanting to improve your cooking, a great idea pops into your heads. You wanted to cook Japanese food for Niki, hoping to aid his homesickness, and Niki wanted to see how much food he could shove down his face until he explodes. And with that, your whole date had become a food eating competition. 

Setting all the food down on the table, you had done a very good job. Working your ass off to make not only omurice with curry, but also yakisoba and fried chicken, you were very ready to start your whole competition. Portioning it out evenly with a scale beforehand, you and Niki countdown together and start scarfing down food like you’ve never eaten before. With a mouth full of rice, Niki manages to get out a “It’s really good.” Knowing he liked your food made you feel so proud even though you had just shoved a whole piece of fried chicken in your mouth. 

Several minutes, three enhypen members walking past you judgmentally, and 10 napkins later, you and Niki were too stuffed you even have food this close to you. Queue the rest of the enhypen members, they oh so generously gave you their service and finished the food for you guys. Concluding that you and Niki could not in fact eat two family sized meals in one sitting, you lie on the couch about to pass out. 

“That was so fun. We should do that again.” Niki says while groaning from stomach pain. “And thank you for thinking about my homesickness and making me Japanese food. I love you so much.” He adds. Ending the day with complaining about being too full, planning the next competition, and even inviting the other members, you both pass out an hour after you had eaten and were punished with the dishes in the morning for being cringely in love out in the open like that. 

[dragon-kazansky]

Made with love | Helmut Zemo

Chef Zemo AU! 👨‍🍳

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 11

Helmut took Tony into the back and proceeded to push him back against the wall. Tony barely flinched, just fixed his suit.

"What is this?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why are you doing to this me?" Helmut demanded.

"You know why."

Helmut grabbed Tony's shirt and pulled him closer to him. He was seeing red. He was pissed. Beyond that.

"Just leave me alone."

"No, can do, Zemo."

"You already ruined everything once before. Why must you come back and so it a second time?"

"Because no man like you deserves happiness, Zemo. Your father knew that."

Helmut proceeds to punch Tony squarely across the jaw. He ignores the throbbing of his fist as he glares at other man, who was now cradling his face.

"Why is she even here?"

"Because I invited her. Because I want to make your life miserable. Because she wanted to see you again."

Helmut growls. It was taking everything within him not to straight up commit murder here and now.

"I have Y/N."

"I know. After tonight, you'll be lucky if you still do."

Helmut stepped back and looked back at the door. Damn it! He had just left you without word. You must be worried.

"I will end you, Stark. You and your empire will fall."

Stark laughs.

"I'd like to see you try."

Zemo gives Tony a good kick before he leaves. He rushes out of that door faster than anything and instantly scans the room for you.

He doesn't see you.

He spots Sam and Bucky standing alone. He makes his way over to them, but hands gripping his arm stop him. He turns sharply to see who dared get in his way.

He had to find you.

Heike.

"Helmut."

He stops.

"Let go of me."

She let's go, lips tugging into a frown.

"It's good to see you."

He stares at her silently.

He ignores how Tony exists the back room behind her, trying to fix his suit and pretend there wasn't a horrible bruise forming on his face. Pepper hurried over to him to ask what had happened.

"Helmut, say something."

"What do you want me to say?" He asks, voice sharp and unkind.

She flinched a little.

"I thought you might be happy to see me."

"Happy?"

He turns his whole body to face her. Helmut is taller than Heike. He has to look down a bit to see meet her eyes. The way he stands over her is intimidating and not at all what she had hoped he would be like with her.

"I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

He scoffs.

"What do you think? Of course you did. You and him. Did you know my father died? The restaurant is mine now. I already have to deal with Stark trying to buy it off me, and now I have to deal with you being here. Why did you come back?"

"To see you. And no, I didn't know about your father. I'm sorry, Helmut."

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Nevermind. I have to go," he takes a step back.

Heike reaches out again.

"Helmut."

He doesn't listen. He moves his arm out of her reach and marches away toward Sam and James.

The boys straighten up when he approaches.

"Where did they go?"

"Outside," Sam replies.

"Do they know?"

"Yes."

Helmut wants to make a snide comment, but doesn't. He leaves instantly, heading outside. He pushed the doors open violently and looks up and down the street.

He only sees Natasha.

"Where are they?" He asks, coming to a stop in front of her.

"At home."

He's about to head back himself, but Natasha forces him to face her. He stares back, but whereas her gaze is judging and harsh, his is desperate and pleading.

"Did you know?" She asks.

He shakes his head, quickly.

"No."

Natasha let's go of him. Helmut doesn't anything as he rushes off. He heads straight back to the apartment.

It's quiet.

Your bedroom door is closed. He walks up to it and pressed his ear to the cold wood. He can't hear anything, but he knows you're in there.

"Y/N."

Nothing.

"I didn't know she was going to be there. Really, I didn't. It's been years since I last saw her. We were engaged. I loved her dearly, I was devoted to her, but Tony Stark saw to it that ended quickly."

The door swings open unexpectedly.

You stand there and stare at him.

"What?"

A little startled that you actually had opened the door to him, he didn't answer right away, but his soon realised you were waiting for an answer and gathered his thoughts.

"My father and Stark's father, Howard, we friends. Howard was my father's business party when Escorpión Morado first opened up, but eventually Howard signed all rights over to Heinrich. Howard married and not long after they were expecting, so he moved back to the States where he was originally from. He wrote to my father and one day cane to visit him. Tony and I were children. We used to play in the restaurant."

"You and Tony grew up together?" You asked.

"Not quite. They went back to the States and I didn't see Tony Stark for years. By the time he did come back, as I was working for my father, learning to cook just like him. The Stark's returned to see my father. We got on, for a while. The next time Tony came back, his parents had died. A car accident. He came back with this woman. Heike. She was beautiful. I fell in love with her instantly. Tony had brought us together, but soon she had to leave. She promised to come back."

You stay silent.

"She returned, again and again. We were in love. I decided I wanted to marry her, so I asked her and she said yes. We were engaged for a year and then that day came. I was standing at the alter, waiting. She knew showed up. I didn't find out until much later that Tony Stark had whisked her away back to the States with promises of happiness and money. She didn't love me. If she had, she would have been my wife that day."

"Helmut..."

"I would have told you, but I hadn't had a reason to bring this up. Not until tonight."

You look at those big sad eyes of his.

"Do you still love her?"

He looks at you.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

He nods.

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm looking at you and I know for a fact I'm in love with you. So, unless you're going to run off with Stark and leave me here alone and heartbroken, I want to take my chances with you. My special and incredible darling."

You smile.

Helmut opens his arms as you fall into him, hugging him tightly. He holds you close to him, not wanting to let go. You're the best thing that had ever happened to him, and though he feels like he doesn't deserve you, he wouldn't change it for the world.

"I love you too," you whisper in his ear.

He kisses you. Oh God, does he kiss you.

You pull away and look at him.

"You do realise this gives us all the more reason to kick him off his pedestal, right?"

Helmut nods.

"Let's show Stark what happens when you mess with Helmut Zemo."

He grins.

"What would I do without you?"

"God only knows."

You kiss him again.

The bedroom door closes behind Zemo as you pull him inside. Neither one of you planning on getting much sleep tonight. You needed to make this man feel loved and treasured. Show him that you weren't her and that you weren't going to abandon him like she did.

In the morning you wake up alone. You reach out to his side of the bed, but it's empty. Waking up properly, you sit up and sigh. You had hoped to wake up beside the man you loved for the first time, after your first time~

You hear music playing from the kitchen and smile.

Oh, he's making breakfast!

You can forgive him for that. You let out a content sigh and grab the nearest item of clothing, which just happened to be Helmut's shirt from last night.

You narrow your gaze on it. His trousers were on the floor. He must have gone to his room for fresh clothes. You bottom the shirt up and grab some underwear, leaving the room just like that.

The sight before you was a welcome one.

You grin as you lean on the door frame.

Helmut Zemo had his back to you as he fried some eggs in a pan. He was completely naked, apart from the little apron around his waist.

"Hello handsome."

Helmut chuckles deeply, slowly turning his head to look over his shoulder at you. He smirks.

"Good morning, liebe."

"I would say so." You look him and down.

"How did you sleep?" He asks, not at all turning to face you.

"Really well, thanks to you."

"I do my best."

You make your way to the table and Helmut serves up the food. He puts a plate down in front of you and pours you some juice.

"I'll be right back."

He kisses you before leaving to put some clothes on. You begin to dig in, but there's a knock at the door.

You figure it's either Wanda, Natasha, or one of the boys. You hadn't checked your phone to see if anyone had messaged you after last night.

You get up and go to the door.

Opening it, you startled to see Stephen Strange there. You look him up and down, confused.

"Hello?"

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Can I come in?" He asks.

"No."

He sighs and holds out an envelope to you. You sigh and glare at him.

"No more invitations! We're not returning to that blasted restaurant."

"It's not an invite."

You snatch the envelope from him.

"What is it then?"

Stephen takes a peek around you, checking to see if anyone else is home. He clearly didn't want to run into Helmut.

"It's a warning."

"Warning?" You glare at him.

"Just read it when you're alone."

With that he turns away and disappears around the corner. You close the door and look at the envelope in your hand.

Helmut returns fully dressed and smelling wonderful again.

"Who was that?"

"Strange, he gave me this." You hold it up.

No way are you keeping secrets from Zemo, not after everything. Helmut walks over to you and takes it from your hand.

"What is it?"

"A warning, apparently."

He opens it and takes out the paper within. He reads it, burrowing his brow. He growls, crumples it into a ball, and then tosses it to the ground.

"What did it say?"

He looks at you.

"That bastard was going to try and lure you into his lies, just like he did back then."

You pick up the paper and open it.

Helmut Zemo is a fraud who can't offer you anything other than misery. Say the word and I'll have you on the next flight to the States. Don't waste your breath on him. He's only going to use you.

You are at the words.

"What the Hell?"

Helmut grabs his coat and turns to you.

"Meet me at the restaurant in an hour."

"Where are you going?" You ask.

"To kill Stark!"

The door slams shut behind him and you're left in a confused state. He wouldn't, would he?

You rush to get dressed.

@namethathasnotbeentaken @belle82devart @cathrin2405 @lieutenantn @wilder-fangirl @latenightartist-author @lucky-luck-lucky @hb8301 @charistory @thatoneartgalsstuff @thesuitkovian @malkaviangirl @zemosimp420 @realremyd @the-chaotic-cow @lostghostgirl94 @zafiro-draco @lazygurl05 @pinkcutiepiee @goddessofmischief03 @whovianayesha @myybebe @awesomesauce-abbie @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @swooning-for-mc-avoy @nonamec0s @apparrio @scuttle-buttle @alex-the-nb @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @greeneyedblondie44

[angelhummel]

I’m watching the new Cinderella movie jesus take the wheel

why bother with rhythm nation when glee already did it better. you could never

why bother with somebody to love when glee and ella enchanted and happy feet did it better

the costumes are ugly as fuck. it looks like when you’re a kid and you’re dressing your lil barbies up to go to a party and there’s no cohesion you’ve just got 50 different bright colorful dresses and you’re slapping em on willy nilly

and of course ella’s running around town in the modern day equivalent of just her bra but they also have power tools so i don’t think they’re going for historical accuracy 

i think i’ve genuinely laughed twice. once was just with idina’s line delivery and then when the prince said “we’ll grow old, into our forties” 

also if they’re broke why does ella have so much fabric and bling for her dresses

camila sounds fucking awful lmao. i don’t mind a lil vocal fry if it’s in the moment and adds to the performance but if it’s every fucking line then i think you just can’t sing. and she’s moving her mouth way too much for the lack of energy in the audio

literally everything is so fucking insincere. every single line is either #GirlBoss or anti girl boss to prove a point about how girl bossness is truly the way to go

and don’t worry we got something about women give birth and run households so they can run businesses or whatever. pussy power babe

the stepmother threw a tiny bit of ink on ella’s dress to ruin it. so anticlimactic. ella could’ve put a flower over it, turned it around, worn it inside out, worn a shawl, who gives a shit. the scene in the cartoon is so dramatic no one will ever touch it

i want to step on these cgi mice

Billy’s outfit is my favorite so far. The bar is on the ground but I like it

wait the mice talk and have boy voices but also she thinks the mice are girls. why. what is the purpose of that. what shallow commentary on gender does “i thought mice are girls and rats are boys” make. UPDATE: the mice sound like just squeaks to her so she can’t hear them. ok.

also am i dumb or was missy elliott supposed to be in this. i guess she got out while she still had a chance

the costumes at the ball are a little nicer. i love some sparkly ball gowns

oh okay a third laugh when the cellist smashed her cello then immediately pulled out a second identical cello and the crowd gasped

the prince has a little sister that looks like kit kittredge cersei lannister girlboss

and of course the queen girlboss has like starving peasants and income inequality in the kingdom but her making a statement is wanting to be equal with her king. like she was measuring throne sizes. that’s her arc

she commented on the king’s taller throne and i thought it would be funny if they zoomed out and it was sitting up on books to make him taller. but they didn’t do that he just had a bigger throne made i guess 

they had like a greek chorus moment but it was just in one scene so far and really awkward

we’ve cut away from ella and the prince like five times to focus on stupid human mice nonsense for what. was it in james cordon’s contract that he had to have a minimum amount of screen time or he wouldnt do it

the songs aren’t great but they’re my favorite part cause it means i dont have to hear this awful dialogue 

also like they really copied miss evie descendants bc she invented being a girlboss princess fashion designer dress maker. get some new material, champ

also also copied into the woods cinderella “my father’s house was a nightmare. yours was a dream. now i want something in between” like why even bother

of course the stepmother has to have some sympathetic backstory. bc women can’t be villains or capable of bad things they can only be jaded girlbosses who were gaslit and gatekept and now are sad

okay the stepmother’s original song was probably my favorite. it sounded like something i’ve heard before but oh well it was nice

is pierce gonna sing sos or what

oh he did sing it was kind of funny kind of ... but i liked that the horse was freaking out. nice callback to mamma mia. not that there was a horse in that but everyone was spooked 

this costume person must’ve hated idina bc that final outfit was offensive

Umm okay so that was the movie. Wasn’t it something. Idk I love “so bad it’s good” films but this was just bad. Like it’s not even fun to watch as a spectacle like when you wanna watch something just to make fun of it. It was just bleh

I guess I recommend if you’re curious or if you just wanna shit on it. But also I recommend Disney’s cartoon Cinderella, Brandy’s Cinderella, Into The Woods, Ella Enchanted, Ever After, and Hilary Duff in A Cinderella Story. This was not needed in the least 😬😬

UPDATE: So several different people are like “people are taking it too seriously it’s not supposed to be oscar worthy it’s supposed to be fun” like sis i get it but it’s not fun either 😐 there are plenty of good bad movies out there to put on and have a blast but this ain’t it. this isn’t mamma mia this is mamma mia 2

[armandclocksitall]

Watch The Night Go Up In Smoke (Chapter 1)

Paul(The Lost Boys) x Frog! Reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: mention of blood, dead mom

(Y/N) Frog was always deemed “the weird kid” out of all their friends. Not because of anything they ever did. No, it all started with their seventh birthday party, before Christy Frog had tragically passed away.

Just as the candles were being blown out, (Y/N)’s father and uncle, Edgar and Alan Frog, stomped through the door holding stake guns and dripping blood all over the freshly cleaned rugs. All of (Y/N)’s seven-year-old friends obviously screamed in absolute terror as their parents were all flabbergasted and disgusted at the sight before them. Each of the children along with their parents were quickly ushered out of the house with a rushed apology as well as the barely believable explanation that Edgar and Alan had just returned from a hunting trip and forgot they were coming home to a child’s party.

Things obviously worsened after Christy, the wife of Edgar Frog and mother of (Y/N), fell sick. (Y/N) almost never left the house and their mother’s side during this time and lost almost all their friends turning into a recluse. They were only 13 when she passed away peacefully in her sleep. Christy was the more level-headed between her and her husband, never letting his profession stop (Y/N) from living a normal life. Edgar, crippled by the passing of his true love, held on tightly to his only child and the only direct link to his deceased wife he had left. He was strict but it was to protect them. He had to know who was in their friend group and where they were at all times. However, his most strict rule was that (Y/N) was never allowed out past dark.

As (Y/N) entered high school, this obviously made whatever remnants of a social life they had left crumble completely. With a weird father and uncle who didn’t understand social cues, a dead mother, and now a completely unreasonable curfew, (Y/N) was a total social outcast, and hanging out with them would almost instantly be the death of any chance of popularity.

This, however, did not affect (Y/N)’s best friend since diapers, Mikayla Emerson. She was the daughter of Edgar Frog’s lifelong friend, Sam Emerson.

They were complete polar opposites. While (Y/N) was forcefully made into an introvert by the tragedy that is having the Frog name, Mikayla was a bubbly, sweet, and sociable teenager. (Y/N)’s father always told them that she was a spitting image of her father from when they first met. Nobody really understood why the two of them were so close and worked so well together but nobody dared to question it.

If you were caught talking shit about Mikayla’s cousin and it got back to her, then you could consider your high school social life flushed down the toilet. Despite the fact that (Y/N) was best friends and practically family with one of the most popular girls at school, it granted them no entry to any sort of clique.

While Mikayla could never save (Y/N)’s social life at school she would be damned if she couldn’t at least get them a social life in public. They were both 18 and finishing up their senior year, in just a few months, nothing from school would matter anymore. They’d be two adults in the real world, no longer held back by embarrassing birthday parties, or dead moms, or weird dads and uncles. Two new faces. Mikayla, while a total sweetheart and the apple of her father’s eye was a rebel at heart and knew that Edgar Frog’s restrictions that he set on his kid were stupid. There was a party on the beach this Friday night and she was going to help (Y/N) sneak out and finally see how wonderful the world is and just how magical the Santa Carla boardwalk can be at night.

——————————————————————————

Friday night had finally arrived, and the only way (Y/N) could describe how they felt was nervous. Sneaking out was totally risky and completely out of character for them but their cousin had insisted that they go to “Blast on the Beach.” It was an annual event and anybody who was anybody would be at this party, not just high-schoolers. This could be (Y/N)’s chance to finally branch out and meet people who didn’t think of them as some sort of hermit with the father who walked into a child’s birthday party covered in blood.

After dinner, (Y/N) had excused themself telling their father that they were feeling a bit under the weather and worn down from the past week and that they were heading to bed early. (Y/N) thankfully lived in a single-story home with their father so there’d be no climbing needed for when their cousin showed up to sneak them out.

(Y/N) paced around their room waiting 15 minutes before they heard a light tapping on their window. Mikayla stood outside with a smile that stretched a mile wide across her face. She was sure her cousin was going to back out at the last minute but there they were, impatiently awaiting her arrival already dressed for the party.

(Y/N) had opened the window slowly, making as little noise as possible before looking around their room once more, “I should probably bring a jacket right?” they asked their cousin.

Mikayla quickly nodded before motioning to the door of (Y/N)’s bedroom, “Don’t forget to turn off the light and lock the door so it looks like you’re asleep and don’t wanna be bothered.”

(Y/N) quietly rushed and did as their cousin told them to before grabbing their leather jacket off their desk chair and silently maneuvering their way out the bedroom window.

They landed on the dirt outside with a muted thud as their boots hit the ground. (Y/N) readjusted their jacket, checking for any tears. This jacket was very important to the teenager, (Y/N) had found it when they were raiding their Uncle Mikey’s closet with Mikayla. It was a very popular pastime of theirs when they were just entering high school and wanted to look cool. Mikayla mainly stole a few pieces from their Aunt Star’s wardrobe but (Y/N) was inexplicably drawn to this jacket.

They had never seen Mikey ever wear it so they figured he wouldn’t put up much of a fight when they asked for it. (Y/N) remembered how apprehensive their uncle seemed when they had first held it up to ask to keep it. For something he almost never used, he was pretty reluctant to let it go. Their Aunt Star finally convinced him to give it to the teen telling him that it was okay to let go of the past. It seemed rather deep considering it was just a jacket that didn’t seem to hold much importance but (Y/N) chose not to dwell on it for too long.

Mikayla, obviously not a stranger to sneaking out for a night of fun had everything planned to a T. She had parked a few blocks away from the Frog household to not raise any alarms. The two 18-year-olds hopped into her jeep and raced off to the boardwalk. As they arrived they saw that the parking lot was incredibly crowded but she managed to find a parking spot next to four gorgeous motorcycles. Mikayla and (Y/N) climbed out of the vehicle and made their way to the beach where a giant bonfire was roaring away as teenagers and 20-somethings raged around it already completely wasted and ready to have the best night of their lives.

>Next Chapter<

[nose-bandaid]

layers

DK (Seokmin) x (gender neutral) Reader | college AU fluff | 4.2k words

synopsis: seokmin first captured your attention with his smile, and you were more than enthralled. then you captured HIS attention by utterly destroying his favourite scarf and then fleeing the scene (oops). but surely you can fix this before things get awkward, right?

a/n: it ended up more platonic than it did romantic but oh well,,, this is a very specific plot i apologize LOL

taglist: @elcie-chxn​ @woozisnoots​ (hi alex this is the seokmin fic you asked me to tag you in like MONTHS ago sksfhdjkjdsf) [send and ask or dm if you ever wanna be tagged in my works!]

=====

You've always called him the scarf boy. On alternating days, it was the sunshine(y) boy.

The first day you met him was actually about a week into the semester, when you glanced over to your left and saw him sitting on the other side of the lecture hall. Nothing out of the ordinary. Normally, you would’ve just looked away and carried on with your life. It’s not unusual for your eyes to wander around as you zoned in and out of the professor’s speech. That's what you get for always staying up late the night before.

But on that day, you found your eyes fixated on the boy for the next few minutes, and you watched as he whispered something to his friend. It must’ve been something funny because soon they were both giggling like fools and he smiled from ear to ear. 

And it was that smile that captivated you because you don't think you've ever seen such a bright smile before. 

His face was familiar. Surely you've seen him many, many times before today, you thought. And yet you couldn't place a name on the classmate.

You brought your attention back to the lecture for a brief second and then looked at your friend, Seungkwan, who sat to your left. You gently nudged him with your elbow and he spared a glance your way before going back to his notes. You nudged him again, this time a little harder.

“Hm?” He still didn’t look up from his notebook, but you knew you had his attention now.

“Do you know who that guy is?” You gestured with your head in the smiley boy’s direction, and Seungkwan finally looked up to follow your gaze.

“Oh, you mean the literal ball of sunshine that doesn't know how to shut up?” He replied in one breath.

“Huh?”

"I said that as a good thing, by the way. Or, for the most part. His name is Lee Seokmin, everyone on campus calls him a happy virus 'cause he keeps on smiling." He paused to scribble something down. 

It was probably something important and you should've written it as well, but you could tell he had more to say. You patiently waited. 

"I've heard that he's in the theatre club, but I'm not too sure. He's Soonyoung's friend, but not really mine."

"So he's a theatre kid, huh." You echoed quietly and Seungkwan quirked an eyebrow.

"Why are you asking? Also, I'm not lending my notes, it's your problem for not paying attention."

"I was just wondering." You answered a little too quickly but tried to divert the attention elsewhere by busying yourself with re-organizing your own notes. "And if you lend me notes, I'll bring snacks for you tomorrow." You added quietly when the professor glanced your way after shushing Seokmin and his friend.

"Deal." You heard him whisper back after a minute and his notebook slid into your vision.

=====

A few days later, you went to class early so that you could finish up a small assignment to prepare for the lesson. Once again, nothing out of the ordinary.

You sat in your usual spot — not too far in the back, but also not too close to the front. Just enough for you to see the board and sneakily hold conversations without really being noticed. 

There weren’t any assigned seats, but by now, it was a convention that everyone sat in the same spot every day. The spot beside yours was always saved for Seungkwan, and the spot beside his was saved for that one kid who only showed up once a month.

You were finishing up the last few pages when a loud “HELLO” echoed in the hall and you whipped your head towards the doorway.

It was that boy — Seokmin — dressed in a soft yellow hoodie, hair slightly ruffled as if he hadn’t bothered to fix it after waking up. Around his neck was the red knitted scarf he always wore the moment the weather grew cold. (Though you swore you've seen him wear it in the middle of the sweltering summer). He smiled widely, waving to the half-empty hall and then to the professor who simply chuckled at his entrance. That smile stayed on his face the entire time he made his way to his seat. 

From then on, you began to understand why people called him a happy virus.

The next day, you found yourself going to class early again, this time, because you honestly didn’t have anything better to do. Besides, arriving at a good time always made you comfortable. The moment the clock struck 8:46, the same boy appeared.

"HELLO!~"

This time, it was sung out in a (very beautiful) falsetto, and you wondered how it was even possible for him to be this exuberant so early in the morning. Waking up was always a struggle on your part.

Just as quickly as the show started, the boy shut himself up after receiving a few tired "hellos" from his classmates and took a seat.

The day went by accordingly.

Since you were little, you've always been told that something needs to be repeated at least three times for it to be considered a pattern. So you decided to go to class early just one more time. You told yourself it's so that you could see you were missing out on things. In case coming to class just in time was a bad habit. A lousy excuse, really.

You knew that you just wanted to see Seokmin again.

Sure enough — it was a Thursday that day — he came in, this time in a navy blue cardigan, but still with the same red scarf. The "hello" today was a little more subdued and based on the package he had in his hands, you guessed he had stayed up all night practicing his lines. When his greeting was met with unusual silence you looked around to see that everyone was far more focused on the upcoming test than the boy at the door. So you mustered up the courage to be the one greeting him that day and he immediately perked up, sending you an appreciative smile. His eyes remained brighter as he walked over to his seat.

You decided to come to class early every day after that.

=====

As the seasons changed, so did your classes, and you were more than happy to realize that you and Seokmin shared not just one, but two classes this semester.

Bouncing on your toes a little bit, you silently willed for the people in front of you to hurry the heck up. The narrow stairwell did no good for the congestion of students trying to get by. 

You glanced at your phone again to see that class was starting in just 3 minutes and grimaced at your predicament. You knew your professor loved starting lectures right on the clock, so you were already cutting it pretty close when you agreed to help someone with their spilled drinks before you got here. But now... did these students really have to carry their gigantic project up the stairs?

You had hoped that maybe they would step aside and let you scurry your way up to the second floor — that was literally all you needed for them. However, they seemed to be far too engrossed with the fact that one of the components was coming apart in the stuffy stairwell and you let out a sigh, backing out the door.

If they won't take the elevator then you supposed you will instead.

Thankfully, the usually crowded elevator was fairly empty, and you managed to score one all to yourself. That was a win for you if only everything else had gone as smoothly as that. Your day had only started and circumstances have suggested that it wasn't going to be the best ones out there.

Perhaps, it was also partly your fault for blasting music through your headphones in the morning. That caused you to get a little lost in your thoughts on the way here, it also caused you to bump into a few unsuspecting people. Or perhaps, it was because you decided that it was a good idea to check your phone after receiving a text to hurry to class when the elevator door was closing.

But you like to think that it was maybe also his fault for stuffing his face with a bagel at 8 am in the morning, rendering him unable to clearly shout out at you to keep the elevator door open.

You looked up at the strangled noise and saw Seokmin barrelling towards you, his one free hand wildly waving at you to do something about the situation. You, just as frantic as the boy was, rushed to smash the "open" button to no avail as the door continued to close with every step he took.

He made it, much to your relief, tumbling into the lift and almost spilling his coffee onto you (another drink disaster would've ruined your day completely). You didn't have much time to congratulate him for his feat, however, because you both watched in horror as his iconic knitted red scarf — caught in between the doors of the elevator — began to tear and unravel itself. 

Seokmin frantically lifted the scarf over his head and tried to pull it out of the elevator's grip while you reached down and grabbed it in an attempt to help. But all efforts were futile when the last stitch came apart, and he was left with only a fraction of what used to be his favourite red scarf. Your stomach twisted itself when you looked up and saw the distress in his eyes, his teeth biting down on his lip as if he was contemplating the best way to curse you out.

He was an actor though, and you could tell he was putting up a facade to hide how upset he actually was. His eyes wavered as he stared at the scarf, now reduced to a mess of yarn and his lips tugged into a weary smile.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to close the door on you it was an accident." You blurted out.

Seokmin didn't answer, but the elevator door dinged open as your phone buzzed with its second alarm of the day. Class was starting.

Your hand slipped into your pocket to turn off the alarm and you looked back at Seokmin, eyes begging for forgiveness. "Look, let's meet up again sometime later so I can make it up to you, okay? I promise that I'll fix this."

And with that, you sprinted away from the scene, leaving the poor boy alone with his destroyed scarf.

=====

"Let me get this straight — the elevator door closed too soon and Seokmin's scarf got caught and tore apart and now you're worried that he hates you 'cause you think the scarf is really important to him?"

You nodded.

Seungkwan sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to return to his notes. "This reads like a fanfic someone wrote at 5 am."

"It what." You blinked and he dismissed the question.

"Nothing, nothing. Did you get his number? Any way to contact him?"

You gave him a sheepish look. "I forgot to ask, I kinda ran away."

"You ran away?"

"It was an accident okay! I was nervous. But we have a lecture with him tomorrow morning, right? I could just talk to him then."

Seungkwan raised an eyebrow. "And you'll be able to muster up the courage by tomorrow? It took you 10 minutes to even tell me what happened, what do you plan to do?"

You bit your lip and stared at the forgotten work on your laptop. "Good question, I have no idea how to make up for it. Scrap talking to him tomorrow."

You both settled into silence as Seungkwan continued on with his notes and you leaned back in your chair. All sorts of ideas ran through your mind, but not of them seemed like the right one.

Then it hit you.

"That's it!" You gasp and sat straight up again, accidentally startling Seungkwan who whined about his smudged diagram. "I'll buy him another scarf, the exact same one."

"That's a good idea." He hummed. "But how will you know which one to buy?"

"I was hoping you'd have his socials? We could do some classic investigating." You suggested.

Seungkwan's eyes lit up at that and he reached over to grab his phone. "If Soonyoung's friends with him, then they're probably following each other so... Ah! There he is. A childish username, as expected."

He gave his phone to you and you scrolled through Seokmin's profile, many were pictures of food or his friends, but you stopped at one photo that caught your eye. It was of him at a park, trying to act casual for a photo (as anyone would), but wrapped around his neck was the famous red scarf.

"Perfect." You muttered to yourself. Now all you had to do was buy that scarf and hope that it comes quickly.

Or else things would become terribly awkward.

=====

Buying that scarf turned out to be much more difficult than you thought it would be.

No matter how deep you searched on the internet or how many times you looked at the photo of his precious scarf, there was no trace of the exact same copy.

"Don't tell me it was handmade." You groaned and got up from your seat to flop onto your bed instead. You stared at the ceiling for a while, long enough for your laptop to fall asleep. 

"Maybe it's a high-end brand?" You speculated quietly to yourself and rolled onto your side to stare at the wall instead.

"No... This guy eats ramen every other day in the caf, there's no way he can afford that."

You rolled onto your back once more and pouted at absolutely no one.

Why did you have to get into this situation with someone you hardly knew?

=====

The next day you went to class at the normal time to avoid having to see Seokmin when he inevitably greets the class. However, when you took your seat and discreetly glanced at his spot, it was empty. Minus Soonyoung's bag that sat there instead.

You chewed on your lip for a while, wondering if his unusual absence had anything to do with yesterday.

"Good morning!"

Your shoulders relaxed at the familiar voice and you almost let yourself send him a smile when you remembered that you were supposed to be avoiding him. You immediately stiffened and stared at your table. Seokmin didn't look your way for the entirety of the lecture, which you were almost grateful for, but it also left a sinking feeling in your stomach.

On the way out, he did end up glancing at you and you immediately turned to Seungkwan to strike up a meaningless conversation.

"Make it seem like we're busy with something, he's looking my way."

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. "I talked to Soonyoung yesterday and he brought up what happened 'cause apparently he thought it was really funny. He said Seokmin wasn't mad but didn't really know what he's supposed to be doing either."

You nodded, pretending like you were listening to him and he continued on.

"Seokmin's a kind soul, you know. I doubt he's ever been angry at anyone before."

"That just makes me feel even worse though," You whined and watched Seokmin leave the room with another classmate by his side. "And I told him that we'd meet up again but I'm not ready at all. What's he gonna think about that?"

"Then you could go up to him and say that you're still sticking to your promise, but you still need time to think about what to do. Maybe he'll tell you what he wants then." Your friend suggested, poking at your work to tell you to start cleaning up.

"I think I'm going to avoid him until I'm fully prepared. So I don't mess this up." You decided, completely ignoring Seungkwan's words and the boy sighed.

"What did I do to have such dense friends?"

=====

The week before exams was spent cramming some last-minute studying with your friends in the community library. 

It's been a while since you last spoke to Seokmin. 

Which translates to "you haven't spoken to Seokmin since the incident."

You ignored those worries and buried yourself in work instead. Using yet another excuse to get out of the very problem you should probably be prioritizing.

Besides, focusing on Minghao and Jun, who were bickering over who left the empty juice carton in the mini-fridge seemed far more interesting. You giggled when Minghao practically brought out photo evidence to defend his point and Jun spluttered out a shocked response after being called out. As their conversation grew louder and louder, you quickly scanned the library, searching for the librarian to make sure you weren't going to be chewed out for being noisy.

You stopped when you spotted Seokmin sitting next to Chan, who ran the dance club you've always admired. His nose was buried in a book. It was only for a brief moment — perhaps a second or two — but you stared at him from afar, taking in his sharp features and gentle smile.

When he felt your gaze on him and locked eyes with you, you immediately looked away, trying to not let him know that you saw him.

"I gotta go." You muttered and packed up your stuff, leaving behind a bewildered Minghao and even more bewildered Jun (who was still trying to recover from the previous attack).

All those days preparing yourself crumbled right in front of you. This wasn't supposed to be happening, this wasn't moving according to the plan you promised you'd stick to.

He wasn't supposed to beat you to it.

"Y/n!"

You carried on, pretending to have not heard him and prayed that he would just give up. He was Lee Seokmin though, so of course, he didn't stop.

"Y/N!" He shouted a little louder this time and you could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer, just like on that fateful day at the elevator. You took a deep breath and braced yourself for the confrontation.

"Hey, Seokmin."

To your surprise, he gave you a big smile. "Hey! 'Was worried I wouldn't be able to catch you just now. You were walking so quickly, where are you headed?"

"Oh..." Away from you. You thought to yourself, but said something else, trying to play it cool. "Nowhere in particular, just on a walk. Needed some fresh air after spending so much time in the library. It’s always stuffy when everyone’s cramming for exams." You rambled on.

"Can I join you?"

"Sure." You lied with a small smile.

You walked in silence for a while, with you leading the way, cheeks heating up with every second that passed.

"You've been avoiding me haven't you?" He finally spoke up.

The tips of your ears burned. "I wasn't trying to."

"If it's about what happened in the elevator, you don't have to worry about it." He prompted lightly and you stopped walking.

"Well, I am worrying about it." You admitted. "Because not only was that your first impression of me, but I know that scarf meant a lot to you and it was such a stupid way for it to get destroyed."

You took a deep breath and continued before he could think of an answer. "I'm trying to buy you another scarf, but I've been having some trouble finding it anywhere..." You admitted.

"Ah," Seokmin chuckled. "My grandmother made that scarf so I doubt you'd be able to find it online."

"It was from your grandmother?" You rubbed your face, thinking about all the hours spent examining the photo and struggling to find the perfect match. "I'm so sorry, that's even worse than it just being your favourite."

He shrugged. "Nah, it's fine, I got over it after that day."

You couldn't hide the look of surprise when he said that.

"To be honest, she's been trying to get me to ditch that scarf because I wore it too much. It's a good excuse to get a new one now!" He finished happily and you suddenly felt less tense.

"Your grandmother makes nice scarves, though. I never knew that there was a little design on it until, well, until it ripped. But it was beautiful! Please give her my compliments."

Seokmin let out a shy laugh. "Ah, you're talking about the little bunnies and sunflowers stitched onto it, right? I've always worn the scarf inside out because I don't know what people will think when they see it."

"What?!" You blurted out, incredulous. "They're really cute! If anyone were to hate on the cute bunnies then they're going to have a word with me." You joked, pretending to get into a fighting stance. "I would definitely wear that scarf proudly, but what makes you comfortable, of course."

"Interesting. Hearing that does make me a little for confident." He hummed. The conversation stilled for a brief second before he spoke up again. "What are your plans for the break?"

You blinked at the sudden change of topic. "Uhm, nothing much, probably just heading back to spend time with family."

"Cool! My plans are the same. How about you meet me..." He walked over to a nearby bench and planted his feet firmly on the ground. "Exactly here on the day, we get back. Does that sound okay?"

"Why?" You asked, but he was already backing away. You stepped forward, insisting on an answer but he refused to give you one and you could only nod your head in agreement.

"I'll see you then... I guess..." You called out weakly, speaking to practically no one because the boy was already on his way elsewhere.

And just like that, your conversation with Lee Seokmin ended.

====

 Winter break soon arrived and left as quickly as it came.

You arrived exactly 5 minutes before the meeting time and Seokmin arrived exactly 5 minutes after the meeting time.

"Y/n!"

You waved when you heard the familiar voice and the two of you shared a warm smile despite the cold weather.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," He continued. "How have you been!"

"I've been alright, how about you?"

He replied with his own "same old, same old" and you sent him a curious look when the small talk died down. "So why did you ask to meet up today?"

"Yes! About that." His hand drifted towards his neck and he didn't even have to speak for you to piece two and two together.

Wrapped around his neck was a new scarf, the same style as the old one, but this time, it was a soft shade of pink. Embroidered along the front was a small line of bunnies and flowers, perfect for the spring that was soon to come.

You brightened at the sight and let out a small gasp. "You got a new one! Nice!"

"Yep! And," Seokmin placed something warm in your hands and you realized he's been carrying it with him this entire time. "This is for you."

You stared at the scarf in your hands. It was a lovely shade of blue. "Wh— why do I get a scarf too?"

He laughed and fidgeted with his sleeves. "You spoke so fondly of my old one, I thought you'd appreciate having one for yourself so I asked my grandmother to make an extra one."

"That makes me feel even worse!" You cried out, guilty for not only ruining his old scarf but also inadvertently making him do more work to gift you something you didn't think you deserved.

"No, please don't feel bad!" He immediately replied, eyes wide to get his message across. "She was happy to make another and honestly, I just wanted to clear things up so that we don't start off on the wrong foot, you know?"

"Thank you." You pouted, still feeling a little bad, but you wrapped the scarf around your neck nevertheless. Seokmin smiled as he watched you and you grabbed the end of the scarf to admire the handiwork.

"They have the same pattern. We're matching with each other now." You quietly noted and suddenly the atmosphere between you two grew warmer.

"I guess we are! This makes us scarf buddies now, I guess." Seokmin smiled sheepishly. "We are bound by an unfortunate incident, but I hope to turn it into something positive. We can be friends, right?"

"I should be the one asking you that, idiot." You replied with a grin. The grip you had on the scarf got a little bit tighter. "Of course we can be friends, I would love to be your friend."

The smile on his face reminded you of when you first saw him.

Suddenly, your phone went off in your pocket, signalling that it was a good time to start heading to class. So much for an easy transition back into the school year.

"I should probably get going now," You started at the same time Seokmin spoke up.

"I promised I would meet up with—"

You both paused mid-sentence before bursting out in laughter at the coincidence.

"We have a lecture together tomorrow, right?" He asked excitedly and you nodded. "We can continue our conversation later then."

You laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow, scarf buddy."

=====

The next day went by accordingly, starting with a familiar “HELLO!~” from the boy who loved to eat bagels at 8 in the morning and wear scarves in any kind of weather.

The only difference is that this time, he took the seat to your right instead of one at the opposite end of the hall. He greeted you with a smile and you happily started up a lively conversation before class started. Decorating both your outfits were your matching scarves, flowers and rabbits on the outside for the world to see.

This way, everyone could know that you guys were scarf buddies.