#got that boom secret number lyrics

[whereforarthur]

Musicians want to be the loud voice for so many quiet hearts

Request: Can you do George Clarkey imagine where reader is a famous singer and he basically follows her on tour and fans speculate they’re dating. he also gushes about her on the podcast and with Max about her songs and the shows fuelling the rumours

Pairing: George Clarkey x Musician!Reader

Rating: PG-13

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 3k

Italics= Flashbacks

*****

"So, what's new on the music scene, George?" Max's voice boomed through the podcast studio speakers, setting the tone for another episode of The Useless Hotline.

George Clarke leaned into the microphone, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "Well, Max, you know how much I've been into indie rock lately," he began, a playful smirk dancing on his lips. "But I've stumbled upon an artist that's absolutely blowing my mind."

Max raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Oh, really? Who's this mysterious talent that's got you all riled up?"

George paused for dramatic effect before dropping the name. "Y/n."

Max's eyes widened in surprise. "The Y/n? As in the Y/n whose debut album just hit the charts like a meteor?"

"The very same," George affirmed, nodding with an unmistakable glint in his eye. "Her voice is like nothing I've ever heard before—raw, soulful, and with a range that could shatter glass."

Max chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "And it's not just her music that's got you all hot and bothered, is it?" He winked at the George, who turned red. "I've noticed you've been following her tour pretty closely on social media. Care to share any juicy details with us?"

George's cheeks burned as he shuffled his notes, trying to regain his composure. "What? No, no, it's all professional, I assure you," he stammered, a hint of defensiveness in his voice. "I'm just keeping tabs on the industry, you know how it is."

Max leaned in, his tone teasing but with a hint of seriousness. "Oh, I know how it is alright. The way you gush about her tracks, the endless retweets of her concert clips, the heart-eye emojis—it's like you're her number one fan, or something more."

The studio filled with laughter, but George's blush deepened. He cleared his throat, trying to steer the conversation back to safer waters. "Look, she's just incredibly talented, and her live performances are nothing short of mesmerizing. It's all about the music, Max."

*****

In his mind, George replayed the moments he'd spent following Y/n's tour. The show began with a dramatic opening, lights dimming to a pulsing beat before exploding into a cacophony of sound and color. y/n strutted onto the stage, her voice soaring over the cheers of the audience. George watched from the wings, his heart racing. He'd heard her sing countless times before, but there was something about seeing her live that sent chills down his spine. He couldn't help but think about all the times he'd played her music for his fans, hoping they'd feel the same connection he did.

As the night went on, George found himself getting lost in the performance. The way she moved, the emotions she conveyed through her lyrics, it was all so mesmerizing. His phone buzzed in his pocket, notifications from fans bombarding his screen with questions and comments about the rumored romance. He ignored them, not wanting to break the spell. He was living in the moment, and the moment was all about her.

The whispers had started after the third show. Fans had noticed his frequent appearances, and rumors began to swirl. He'd felt a thrill at first—the idea that he could be linked to someone so incredible, so gifted. But as the whispers grew louder, so did the weight of his secret.

Finally, after the encore, the lights dimmed and the applause died down. George took a deep breath and waited for his chance to meet her. His palms were sweaty, his heart racing like it was about to leap out of his chest. When the moment came, she emerged from the dressing room, a vision in a glittering outfit, and their eyes met. For a brief second, the world around them disappeared, leaving only the two of them standing in the harsh glow of the backstage lights. He managed a nervous smile, and she returned it with one that was equally as shy. "Hey," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Great show."

Her smile grew, lighting up her eyes. "Thanks," she replied, her voice just as soft. "I've heard a lot about you, George." His cheeks flushed at the mention of his name, and he stumbled over his words, trying to form a coherent response. Before he could say anything more, a handler stepped in, guiding her away to meet more fans and press. But in that brief exchange, George felt something shift. The rumors didn't seem so ridiculous anymore. Maybe, just maybe, there was something real between them after all.

The attraction was undeniable, a force that drew him in like gravity.

Their eyes had lingered a beat too long, and the air between them had crackled with an undeniable electricity. The whispers grew into a murmur, and the rumors began to take on a life of their own. Fans took to social media, posting photos of them together, dissecting every shared glance, every accidental touch. The media picked up on it, and soon, their faces were plastered across tabloids with headlines that made George's heart race.

As the tour progressed, the connection between George and Y/n grew stronger. Stolen moments backstage turned into lingering glances from across crowded venues. They'd share whispers and smiles, their bond a secret language that only they understood. It was love at first sight for both of them, a connection so profound that it seemed to transcend the noise and chaos of the music industry.

In the quiet moments between shows, they'd sit together, sharing stories about their lives, their dreams, and their fears. Y/n spoke of her rise to fame, the sacrifices she'd made, and the solace she found in her music. George, in turn, revealed his own aspirations, his love for podcasting, and the joy he found in sharing his thoughts with the world. Their conversations were a symphony of shared passion and understanding, a respite from the relentless glare of the spotlight.

*****

"Earth to George," Max's voice echoed through the podcast studio, pulling him from his reverie. "You still with us, mate?"

George blinked, snapping out of his daydream. "Yeah, sorry, Max. Just lost in thought about the tour."

"Oh, I bet you were," Max said with a knowing smile. "But come on, George, don't hold out on us. You've got to admit, there's more to it than just her music."

George's cheeks grew even redder as he stumbled over his words. "I-it's not like that, Max. I'm just…supporting her career."

Max chuckled, not quite buying his friend's protest. "Sure, George, sure. You're just 'supporting' her career." He winked at their podcast audience, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

Max, George's co-host, had been equally as thrilled for him, egging him on during their podcast episodes. "Come on, mate," Max would say, his grin audible through the microphone, "spill the tea! What's it like being backstage with the hottest singer in the biz?" George had been playing it cool, but the listeners could sense the excitement bubbling just beneath the surface. They'd been shipping George and y/n since the first time he'd played her song on their show, and every little detail George shared just added fuel to the fire.

George took a deep breath, trying to balance his desire to protect Y/n's privacy with the thrill of being part of her world. "Okay, okay," he conceded, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "Let's just say that I've had the privilege of seeing a side of her that not everyone gets to. She's not just a rockstar; she's also incredibly kind, and her dedication to her craft is inspiring."

Max leaned in, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "Ah, so you're saying there's some backstage magic happening, huh?"

George chuckled, playing along. "Well, let's just say that there's definitely a connection," he teased, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "But you'll have to tune in to my vlog for the juicy details."

Max slapped the table, grinning. "Ah, the plot thickens! You're killing us with suspense, George!"

George couldn't help but laugh, the energy in the room contagious. "Alright, alright. I'll admit, we've become…close." He paused, searching for the right words. "But it's all very respectful and professional, of course."

Max leaned back in his chair, his smile widening. "Respectful and professional, huh? That's not what the internet's saying."

George rolled his eyes, playing it cool. "The internet says a lot of things, Max. You know how it is—fans get a little carried away."

But the more he talked about Y/n, the harder it became to keep his feelings in check. Her music had become the soundtrack to his life, and the thought of her made his heart swell with a warmth he hadn't felt in a long time.

The podcast went on, the conversation shifting to other topics, but George's mind remained firmly on Y/n. He'd never felt so alive, so invigorated by someone's presence. Her music had become the score to their budding romance, a secret symphony played just for them amidst the cacophony of the tour.

The banter went on, but George remained tight-lipped about the details of their conversation. He didn't want to jinx it. The rumors grew wilder, and their listeners were eating it up. Fan art began to flood their social media pages, depicting the two of them in various romantic scenarios. It was all in good fun, but George couldn't help but wonder if there was more to it than just a backstage meeting.

*****

Days turned into weeks, and George found himself backstage at more of y/n's shows. Each time, their interactions grew longer, more intimate. They'd share quiet moments between the cacophony of the tour, discussing music, life on the road, and their shared love for London. The connection grew stronger, and the line between fan and friend began to blur. Yet, George remained respectful, never crossing the boundary, not wanting to ruin the magic of their budding relationship.

One night, after a particularly emotional performance, y/n sought him out in the crowded backstage area. She looked tired but exhilarated, her eyes searching his face for something he wasn't sure he could give. "You know," she said, her voice low and serious, "I've been thinking a lot about what you said on your podcast. About my music, about us." George's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?" he asked, trying to keep his cool. She took a deep breath, her eyes never leaving his. "I think there might be something here, George. Something real."

The room seemed to hold its breath, the noise of the venue fading away as she spoke. George felt his entire world shift, and he knew that whatever happened next would change the course of his life. He looked at her, this incredible woman whose music had captured his heart, and he knew he had to be honest. "Me too," he murmured, and she leaned in, closing the distance between them. As their lips met, the cheers of the crowd outside seemed to crescendo, as if the universe itself was applauding their newfound love.

*****

After the podcast wrapped up, George sat in the quiet studio, his thoughts racing. He knew the rumors would only grow stronger, the paparazzi more relentless. He didn't want to cause her any trouble, didn't want to be the reason she was hounded by the media. With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and typed out a message to her. "Let's keep it low-key for a bit longer," he wrote. "The music's all that matters right now."

Y/n's response was almost instant. "You're right," she texted back. "But it's getting harder to hide this."

George couldn't argue with that. Every time they were together, the chemistry between them was palpable, a magnetic force that seemed to pulse in the air. It was like trying to contain a raging storm in a teacup—eventually, something was going to spill over.

The next few concerts were a dance of restraint, their hands brushing together backstage, the lingering hugs that were just a little too tight, the stolen kisses when they thought no one was looking. The tension grew with every passing day, a delicious agony that only served to deepen their connection. Y/n had become his muse, her every move, every note, inspiring his own creativity.

But the whispers grew louder, the glances from the sidelines more pointed. The pressure mounted, a silent crescendo that seemed to crescendo with each show. Y/n leaned into his ear one night, her voice a breathless whisper. "I don't know how much longer I can keep my hands off you in public," she confessed, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

The words sent a jolt of electricity through George, his heart racing. He knew what she meant; the desire between them was a living entity, pulsing with every beat of their hearts. In the privacy of her dressing room, they'd come close to giving in more times than he could count. But the fear of ruining her reputation, of being the tabloid fodder that could overshadow her music, kept them from crossing that line.

Yet, the anticipation was killing them both, a thrill that only grew with each secret glance and stolen touch. The rumors had spun into a tornado of speculation, and it was only a matter of time before they were caught in the storm. So, after weeks of careful deliberation, they decided to take control of the narrative.

*****

One evening, after the final notes of Y/n's breathtaking performance had faded into the night, George took to the stage. The crowd roared with excitement, not expecting the podcast host to make an appearance. With a shaky smile, he gripped the microphone, his heart hammering like a drum solo. "Thank you all for being here tonight," he began, his voice carrying over the hushed whispers of the audience. "I know you're all here for the music, but I have an announcement to make."

The air in the venue grew thick with anticipation as Y/n joined him, her hand slipping into his. She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with excitement and nerves, and he knew this was it—the moment they'd both been dreading and craving. "We wanted to share something with you," George continued, his voice growing stronger with each word. "Something that's been brewing between us for a while now."

The crowd held its collective breath, the anticipation so intense it seemed to hum through the air. Y/n leaned into the microphone, her voice clear and steady. "George and I have become more than just friends over the course of this tour." The stadium erupted in a mix of cheers and gasps, phones rising like stars in the night sky, capturing every moment.

"Yes," she said, a playful smile curving her lips, "I've officially taken George Clarke off the market." The crowd went wild, their screams a testament to the love and support that had been growing alongside the whispers and rumors. For George, it was a moment of pure exhilaration and terror, his heart racing as he felt the weight of their secret lifted from his shoulders.

They stepped closer, the stage lights casting a warm glow over them as they announced their relationship to the world. Y/n leaned in, her breath warm against his cheek. "Thank you for being patient," she murmured, her voice lost in the cacophony of the crowd.

George swallowed hard, his heart hammering like a bass drum in his chest. "Thank you for trusting me," he whispered back, his eyes never leaving hers.

The crowd's applause grew deafening, their cheers a cacophony of love and excitement. They leaned in, their faces inches apart, the moment stretching out like a chord in one of Y/n's soulful ballads. And then, as if propelled by the very music that had brought them together, they kissed. It was a kiss that spoke of passion, of hope, and of a love that had been simmering beneath the surface for too long.

The news of their relationship spread like wildfire across the internet, setting social media ablaze with reactions. Fans, thrilled by the revelation, flooded their comments with congratulations and well-wishes. The media, ever hungry for a good love story, feasted on the details of their whirlwind romance. Yet amidst the chaos, George and Y/n found refuge in each other's arms, their bond stronger than ever.

In the days that followed, the tour took on a new energy. The chemistry between them was no longer hidden behind the guise of friendship; it was a living, breathing force that electrified the air. Every shared glance, every touch, was met with an appreciative roar from the audience, who reviled in the authenticity of their love.

The rumors had become reality, and George Clarke, the YouTuber with a crush, was now George Clarke, the man with the world's most enviable backstage pass. But it wasn't about the fame or the gossip; it was about the connection, the shared passion for music, and the undeniable spark that had drawn them together. And as they navigated the highs and lows of a very public relationship, they'd learn that sometimes, the most beautiful melodies are the ones that unfold when you least expect them.

Their relationship didn't just survive the spotlight; it thrived in it. Y/n's music grew more intimate, her lyrics now echoing the depth of their feelings, and George's podcasts grew more personal, his voice resonating with the joy he found in supporting her. They became the ultimate power couple, a testament to the idea that love could bloom in the most unexpected of places.

*****

Taglist~

@gvf23

[bitethehnd]

I loved loved love the "miss americana and the heartbreak prince !" thing you wrote, could you do one for Naomi too?

*₊˚ ♫ 𖦹 lavender haze !

pairing : naomi mcpherson x popstar!reader

cw : basically just taylor swift!reader (obvs no physical appearance description), all fluff!

julien’s version 💜

i think reader and naomi met in a different way than the julien x popstar!reader did (that fic linked before the cut <3)

you and naomi met when you asked muna to open for you at the eras tour. you were planning to release midnights very soon, so you and your team were setting up your next tour. since the tour was going to be super long, you had to have many openers, but muna was your top pick

you had been a secret fan of muna for so long. when you had first come to terms with your queerness all those years ago, their songs were the ones to help you accept yourself while also dealing with the spotlight of being a famous singer

right after the release of one of your biggest albums, 1989, it had been leaked to the public that you were dating your best friend secret girlfriend. the media went into a frenzy, being constantly bombarded with homophobic rhetoric of the world. you disappeared for a whole year, to which no one even saw your face, but then clapped back with reputation. your career boomed after that, and you were adored by so many people yet again

naomi, and the rest of muna, had also been a big fan of yours for years. they loved how you so freely accepted yourself, even when the media tried to take you down, and you didn’t care what anyone thought. you were the biggest queer artist in the world and it showed

as you were contacting your pick of openers for the eras tour, muna was the first your team emailed. the band replied back within the day, saying they would be honored to perform for you, and the deal was set

you definitely wanted to meet them before the tour started, so you sneakily got their numbers and asked if they would want to come over and have lunch. you said it was in the premise of getting to know them, but you really just wanted to meet your favorite band

they of course agreed to lunch and the next day they came over. you considered asked phoebe to join you, since she was also another opener and a close friend of yours, but decided against it

the lunch went amazing, to your surprise. they were lovely people. all of you had more in common than you previously thought. you gushed about their music and vice versa

there was some underlying tension between you and naomi from the beginning. as soon as they walked through your door, they greeted you with a tight hug. you could feel the outline of their muscles through their shirt, and they could feel your chest pressing up against their abdominal. it drove you crazy from the start but neither of you said anything. you didn’t want to complicate things for the tour by flirting with them while they thought you were just being friendly

and just like that, you guys all became great friends. there was a groupchat made that you all texted in daily. you gave them updates on midnights and the eras tour while they gave you updates on their own tour

when you were at the studio finishing the final touches on your song ‘vigilante shit,’ you just couldn’t get the guitar right. every single combination of chords you tried didn’t sound right. you complained to them about it in your groupchat and naomi offered to come in and help you. you obviously said yes, and they made their way to your recording studio

when naomi got to your studio, you two immediately got to work. you sang the lyrics to give them an idea of the vibe of the song. as you sang, you both held eye contact with each other the whole time. the song had undertones of sexual references and it made the tension in the room amplify. as soon as you were done, naomi played a riff on their guitar for a starting point. your eyes immediately widened and you loved it. you both worked until the song was perfected, even getting naomi to sing some backing vocals for you

when midnights was released the next week, fans went crazy when they found out naomi was the one playing the guitar in the background of your vocals. rumors immediately started circling but neither of you mentioned it, too scared to make the other uncomfortable in anyway

flash forward to when the eras tour was announced. naomi reposted so many pictures of the announcement and raved about you nonstop. it made you laugh but also a bit flustered. you and all your openers were just so excited to get started

muna and paramore opened for the first night of your tour in arizona (okay i know muna didn’t open that show but let a girl be delusional). paramore was obviously fucking amazing i’m a slut for haley williams and then muna went on after. you watched from right behind the stage and danced the whole time. you couldn’t keep your eyes off of naomi’s fingers. the way they plucked the guitar made you hot in the face

you pushed your thoughts away as you went on next and sang your heart out. you started crying on stage from all the cheering and love you felt

as the tour progressed and the more time you spent with naomi, it kept getting more difficult to contain yourself. you had never felt this much yearning in your life. from the way they made your cheeks hurt from laughing so much to how they looked while they gazed down at you with soft eyes, you were whipped. it kept getting harder and harder to be professional

it was a couple shows into the tour and you started to feel the exhaust creeping up. you had to keep a certain persona one while on stage, but when you were no longer in front of a stadium full of people, you collapsed. at that moment, you were sprawled on the couch in your dressing room, trying to take your platform boots off. as if they knew you needed them, naomi knocked on the door and walked into the room

you gave them an exhausted smile, still struggling with the shoes. “need some help there, sweetheart?” they laughed out in amusement. you gave them a deadpan look and they chuckled again, kneeling in front of you to tug your boots off. after the horrendous things were off your feet, you leaned back on the couch with a satisfied sigh. naomi stayed kneeling in front of you, massaging your tired legs

“what’re you doing?” you whispered out. “just helping you relax. you put too much stress on yourself, princess.” you felt your ears heat up at all the pet names. they had always called you those sweet things, but in your tired state, it was affecting you more

“mmh, come here,” you groaned and held your arms out. they laughed and obeyed your request, sitting down next to you on the couch and pulling you into their chest. you let out a hum and snuggled into them. they gazed down at you with affection that you couldn’t see

eventually, you opened your eyes and looked up at them. you were surprised to see them already looking at you. “what?” “nothing. you just look pretty, is all,” they said and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. you scoffed, “shut up. i’m all sweaty and gross.” “still pretty.”

you didn’t know what to say next, so you just looked up at them. you both just stared at each other for a moment. you leaned in and naomi leaned in, neither taking action. but naomi made the decision for both of you, pressing their soft lips against yours. you had no time to contemplate the consequences, giving in and kissing them back fiercely. they smirked into your mouth at your desperation and deepened the kiss, pushing their tongue into your mouth

you suddenly pulled away. “wait, wait, wait.” “what? did i do something wrong?” you wanted to coo at naomi’s thoughtfulness. “no, nom, it’s not that. i just… don’t what this to affect the tour, y’know?” they nodded in understanding. “yeah, i get it. but i like you, sweetheart. i really, really like you. and if you don’t feel the same, we can forget this ever happened and—” you cut naomi’s rambling off with a kiss on their lips, effectively shutting them up. “i like you too.”

and with that, you two started to try to work things out. it was a slow start, since you two were in the midst of a tour, but it was nice. you had never felt this kind of connection before. with naomi's dirty jokes that always made you giggle a bit before smacking their shoulder, or the way they snuck into your tour bus almost every night

by the middle of the tour, you two were in full blown honeymoon stage. sure, it was quick, but you two spent almost every waking moment together. okay maybe you guys were u-haul lesbians

no one knew you two were a couple except for a handful of people. it was nice for a while, getting your privacy from the watchful eyes, but you both wanted to show each other off. maybe you two would post subtle pictures on your stories or hold hands while getting coffee at a rest stop. i can so see naomi posting a photo of just your hands, their fingers interlaced with yours with a little heart next to them. fans definitely notice your eras tour colored nails and instantly know it’s you. twitter goes WILDDD

singing directly to them while they sit in the vip section during love songs ('lover,' 'lavender haze,' 'cruel summer,' 'enchanted,' 'new romantics') <333 naomi knows the songs are about your exes but it doesn't matter, because now they have a new meaning. and also making side eyes at them during horny songs ('i can see you,' 'false god,' 'so it goes...'). they lose their shit every time you perform 'vigilante shit.' like they see you do the chair dance every show, but it still gets them. jo definitely takes pictures of naomi's face every time 😭

sometimes you bring muna on for certain songs. like if you feature them in some of your vault tracks (they give 1989 vibes but maybe that's just me). like dancing up against naomi during the song being horny on the mainnn and people eat it up. the internet exclusively refers to you guys as mother and father

you definitely let them pick your surprise songs. like they make a subtle suggestion and it's immediately being on the list for the night

phoebe and jo being disgusted by you guys but katie, lucy and julien think it's absolutely adorable. like maybe you two are cuddling up on the couch while the others are also there, giggling to yourselves quietly. phoebe literally saying "at this point just fuck" and jo starts laughing hysterically. katie and lucy slapping them on the shoulders while julien tries to hide her quiet giggles. naomi smirks and wiggles their eyebrows at the suggestion, to which you shove their face playfully

there are so many photos of you posing in your glittery bodysuits, naomi's hand always on your ass. they can't help it; the tights make your legs look amazing

you were known to be quite the schemer. you dropped easter eggs for your next project in almost everything. soon enough, naomi joins in on the shenanigans since you obviously tell them all your next moves. in every gayotic episode they say something sneaky with a giddy smile on their face. most of the time jo and katie aren't even in on it and they just end up as confused as everyone else

once the u.s. leg of your tour is over, you take a much needed break for about a year. during this time, you attend so many of muna's solo concerts. fans always spot you in the vip dancing and singing along to their songs. you two are so cute fr

© bitethehnd

[l0velyrand0m]

Old Soul - The First Avenger

Chapter four of thirteen, i hope you enjoy. There's been a lot more interest on here than on wattpad and its kind of funny. But i appreciate all the notes and reblogs nonetheless, i'm glad theres a few people who don't think my writing sucks!

As Always: chapter one is pinned on my blog, and the full story can be found on wattpad.

Eliza watched as they took another syringe of Steve's blood. He was obviously annoyed, and Eliza knew he never much liked blood.

"Think you got enough?" he chided, getting incresingly more ticked off with every needle they stuck in his arm.

"Any hope of reproducing a program is locked in your genetic code," Peggy shook her head. "And without Doctor Erskine, it could take years."

Eliza cast her gaze downward at the mention of Erskine. He'd been killed only hours ago because of a HYDRA agent infiltrating the observation room. Steve chased him down and he killed himself with a cyanide tooth.

"He deserved more than this," Steve said sadly.

"If it could only work once, he'd be proud it was you," Peggy assured him, which elicited a smile from Steve.

"Colonel Phillips, my committee is demanding answers," Senator Brandt says, coming into the room, mildly angry.

"Great. Why don't we start on how a German spy got a ride to my secret installation in your car?" Phillips turned to Stark, who was working in the submarine the HYDRA agent attempted to escape in before Steve caught him and he met his demise. "What have we got here?"

"Speaking modestly, I'm the best mechanical engineer in this country. But I don't know what's inside this thing or how it works," Howard explains. "We're not even close to this technology."

"Then who is?" Brandt questions him, his patience for the man running thin.

"HYDRA. I'm sure you've been reading our briefings," Phillips says.

"I'm on a number of committees, Colonel."

"HYDRA is the Nazi deep science division," Eliza tells him.

Peggy nodded. "It's led by Johann Schmidt. But I'm sure he has much bigger ambitions."

"HYDRA is practically a cult. They worship Schmidt," Phillips adds. "They think he's invincible."

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Brandt asks.

"Spoke to the President this morning. As of today the SSR is being retasked."

"Colonel?"

"We're taking the fight to HYDRA. Pack your bags, Agent Carter. You too, Stark. You're flying to London tonight."

"Sir, if you're going after Schmidt, I want in," Steve tells Phillips. Eliza's eyes widened. As if the serum working wasn't enough shock.

"You're unstable..." Eliza muttered, knowing he wouldn't listen. "You're not in the condition to-"

"You're an experiment." Phillips looked from Eliza to Steve. "You're going to Alamogordo."

"The serum worked."

"I asked for an army and all I got was you," Phillips said flatly. "You are not enough."

•••

Eliza was dying of boredom watching Captain America march around recording a commercial for selling bonds.

Bonds buy bullets, bullets kill Nazis, bing bang boom, you're an American hero.

She thought this was all a bit much. She was bored out of her mind without Peggy to talk to, or Howard to stand there looking busy. But instead, she followed around her brother, who sold bonds as girls in indecent outfits - if you could even call them that - strolled around him.

It was sickeningly boring.

"The Star-Spangled Man With a Plan", or as the song repeatedly called him, "Captain America", was Steve's new job. Paired with an idiotic costume and ridiculous lyrics to a theme song to sell bonds, this couldn't get any more humiliating.

And all Eliza had to do was sit back and make sure Steve didn't die or something. Which was easier said than done when all he did was run around. However, seemingly without breaking a sweat.

This serum was ridiculously intuitive, and Eliza was learning more about it every day from the various books and journals that Erskine had kept on it.

His cells were regenerating at an incredible rate to constantly heal him. It made him stronger, faster. The serum amplified everything about him.

And at the same time she was learning more about Johann Schmidt, and how his serum worked.

The serum enhanced every aspect of yourself. Good becomes great, but bad becomes worse. Johann had bad intentions. Someone who only knew power couldn't respect it. But someone like Steve, who had nothing, respected the power and held it with a righteous fist.

In short - both men were now indestructible. And that was terrifying.

•••

Eliza had been flown to Italy with Steve for a performance. However, a returning infantry required a lot of medical attention, and she was requested to help.

Suddenly her brother and Peggy Carter ran into the infirmary tent.

"Well, if it isn't the star-spangled man with a plan," Phillips greeted Steve in annoyance. "And what is your plan today?"

Eliza drew her attention away from the gauze she had finished wrapping around a man's leg to snoop her way into the conversation.

"I need the casualty list from Azzano," Steve requests.

"What's on the list from Azzano?" Eliza quietly asked Peggy, slightly scaring her.

"Christ, Elizabeth," Peggy breathed. "It's the one-o-seventh. He flipped out and ran over here."

"Wait, what?"

"I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the hundred and seventh."

Eliza's heart dropped to her stomach.

Phillips glared and pointed a finger at Peggy. "You and I are gonna have a comversation later that you won't enjoy."

"Please just tell me if he's alive, sir. B-A-R-"

"I can spell." Phillips stopped him, and briefly sifted through some of his papers. "I've signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But that name does sound familiar. I'm sorry."

Eliza didn't believe it. Phillips didn't even look. There's no way to know for sure.

"What about the others?" Steve asks. "Are you planning a rescue mission?"

"Yeah! It's called winning the war."

"But if you know where they are, why not at least..."

"They're thirty miles behind the line," Phillips explains. "Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save. But I don't expect you to understand that, because you're just a chorus girl."

"I think I understand just fine."

"Well then understand it somewhere else," Phillips says. "If I read the posters correctly, you've got somewhere to be in thirty minutes."

Phillips walks away, and Steve starts analyzing a map showing where the men are. "Yes, sir. I do."

Eliza narrowed her eyes at him and sighed. "I can't believe I actually agree with you."

Steve starts walking towards his tent, Peggy and Eliza following behind him. He starts throwing stuff into a bag as soon as he gets there.

"What do you plan to do? Walk to Austria?" Peggy asks him.

"If that's what it takes."

""You heard the Colonel, your friend is most likely dead."

"You don't know that," Eliza shrugged.

"Even so, he's devising a strategy. If he detects-"

"By the time he's done that, it could be too late!" Steve says sternly. He walks out to a Jeep and throws his bag in. "You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?"

"Every word."

"Then you gotta let me go."

"I can do more than that."

•••

"The HYDRA camp is in Krausberg. Tucked between these two mountain ranges, it's a factory of some kind," Peggy informs Steve.

"We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep," Howard tells him.

Stark was currently piloting the plane that Peggy, Steve and Eliza all sat on, flying to the HYDRA camp that Steve believed Bucky and the rest of the one-o-seventh captives to be in.

"Just get me as close as you can," Steve tells them. "You know, you three are gonna get in a lot of trouble back at the lab."

"And you're not?" Eliza asks him sarcastically.

"Where I'm going, if anybody yells at me, I can just shoot 'em."

"They will undoubtedly shoot back," Eliza scoffs.

"Miss Rogers, if we're not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late-night fondue?"

Peggy looks awkwardly over at Steve, who looks at Howard with a stern expression. "Stark's the best civilian pilot I've ever seen. He's mad enough to brave this airspace, we're lucky to have him."

Steve looked to Eliza, holding the same expression as he did to Howard. "So are you two..? Do you..? Fondue?"

Eliza got up and walked towards Howard's spot at the cockpit, desperate to leave that exchange.

"This is your transponder," Peggy says, handing Steve a small device. "Activate it when you're ready and the signal will lead us straight to you."

"Are you sure this thing works?" Steve questions, looking to Eliza and Howard.

"It's been tested more than you, pal."

Suddenly the plane shakes. "Hey, we're being shot at," Eliza muses sarcastically.

"Really? Didn't notice." Howard mumbles back to her.

"Get back here! We're taking you all the way in!"

Eliza whipped around to see her brother ready to jump out of the plane. "Steven Grant Rogers-"

"As soon as I'm free, you turn this thing around and get the hell out of here!"

"You can't give me orders, I'm your sister!"

"To hell I can't! I'm a Captain!"

Steve looks at his sister with a smile and jumps out of the plane.

"If he lives through this, I'll kill him myself."

[innocent-diamond-2090110]

2023 Music Recap (Top 100 Tracks Only)

As requested, this is my summary of K-pop songs that appealed to me this past year! I could only include 100 songs due to the URL limit set by Tumblr & also sorted by order of release date, but I had to condense the post (hence "Keep Reading"). This post also took me longer than expected because of ITZY's surprise comeback announcement. @_@

Special mention goes to Naver's new music show, NPOP! What's visually different about NPOP is that the on-screen lyrics (& group members' names) are center-aligned, whereas all the other shows have lyrics on the bottom left. (SHAME ON INKIGAYO for removing on-screen lyrics altogether!!!) Look at this gorgeous camerawork capturing Eunha during VIVIZ's "Untie" stage (preset timestamp):

Anyway, here's the list! Bold italicized = VIDEO; Regular = AUDIO

January 2023

Madness - Moonbin & Sanha @ ASTRO

Puzzle - SF9

Stamp on It - GOT the Beat

Love War - Choi Yena (former IZ*ONE)

LOVE DIVE (Japanese ver.) - IVE

MOONLIGHT SUNRISE - TWICE

FEARLESS (Japanese ver.) - LE SSERAFIM

In The Novel - Minnie @ (G)I-DLE

PULL UP - VIVIZ

February 2023

Fighting - BSS (Boo/Seok/Soon) @ SEVENTEEN

Blanc Noir - LIMELIGHT (now re-debuted into MADEIN)

Target - CLASS:y

Zealous (Japanese ver.) - CLASS:y

March 2023

Play On The World - Cherry Bullet

Mysterious - Nicole @ KARA

KARMA - PIXY

We Fresh (Japanese ver.) - Kep1er

MVSK (Japanese ver.) - Kep1er

Love Me Like This - NMIXX

Kitsch - IVE

Sweet Juice (Japanese ver.) - PURPLE KISS

Flower - Jisoo @ BLACKPINK

Hold on Tight - aespa

April 2023

Who Dis? (Japanese ver.) - SECRET NUMBER

Got That Boom (Japanese ver.) - SECRET NUMBER

KNOCK - Lee Chaeyeon (former IZ*ONE)

Lemonade - DreamNote

Seven Sins - DRIPPIN

Super (Monkey King) - SEVENTEEN

Fire - Hip Hop Unit @ SEVENTEEN

I Don’t Understand But I Luv U - Performance Unit @ SEVENTEEN

Sunshower (A Fox's Wedding Day) - EPEX

May 2023

Welcome to My World - aespa

Salty & Sweet - aespa

WAVE - IVE

All Night - (G)I-DLE

Lucid - (G)I-DLE

ICKY - KARD

DOXA (Venomous Snake) - SECRET NUMBER

Propose - Dreamcatcher

June 2023

S-Class - Stray Kids

Sugarcoat - Natty @ KISS OF LIFE

Kitty Cat - Julie Han @ KISS OF LIFE

WICKED LOVE - Choi Yena (former IZ*ONE)

July 2023

Artemis - Su Ruiqi (former GP999 contestant)

Shhh - KISS OF LIFE

Party O’Clock - NMIXX

Air Force One - ODD EYE CIRCLE

ETA - NewJeans

Super Shy - NewJeans

Kill Shot - ITZY

New Emotions - INFINITE

August 2023

The Flash - Kwon Eunbi (former IZ*ONE)

Bitter Taste - Jo Yuri (former IZ*ONE)

Better Things - aespa

Trap - Su Ruiqi

Picture - Hyoyeon @ SNSD

UNFORGIVEN (Japanese ver.) - LE SSERAFIM

Antifragile (Japanese ver.) - LE SSERAFIM

September 2023

Bite Me (Japanese Ver.) - ENHYPEN

Cave - Lee Chaeyeon (former IZ*ONE)

Moon - Perfume

DALALA - Yuju (former GFRIEND)

Love on Lock - Kep1er

October 2023

GODS - NewJeans

You & Me - Jennie @ BLACKPINK

I Want That - (G)I-DLE

Flip It - (G)I-DLE

ZOOM ZOOM - aespa

RA TA TA - Ailee

Baddie - IVE

Holy Moly - IVE

RINGO (Apple) - ITZY

Cheshire (Japanese ver.) - ITZY

SOS - SEVENTEEN

Diamond Days - SEVENTEEN

Back 2 Back - Performance Unit @ SEVENTEEN

Monster - Hip Hop Unit @ SEVENTEEN

Video Games - Heejin @ ARTMS (& LOONA)

November 2023

Untie - VIVIZ

AGASSY (Lady) - Soojin (former (G)I-IDLE)

Bad News - KISS OF LIFE

LALALALA (樂) - Stray Kids

Drama - aespa

Bulldozer - Red Velvet

Amnesia - VIXX

OOTD - Dreamcatcher

Rising - Dreamcatcher

Giddy (Japanese ver.) - Kep1er

BATTER UP - BABYMONSTER

To. X - Taeyeon @ SNSD

Nightmare - Taeyeon @ SNSD

December 2023

Soñar (Breaker) - NMIXX

Gravity - Nicole @ KARA

Crown On My Head - Yeji @ ITZY

Run Away - Ryujin @ ITZY

Turn the World - Nana Mizuki

God of Light Music - SEVENTEEN (I prefer this over the original)

Mine - Chaeryeong @ ITZY

Rebel - DBSK

[fmhiphop]

The Renaissance Of West Coast Hip Hop: E-40's Influence In The '00s

E-40, the rap legend, has been making waves in Hip Hop, especially with that West Coast vibe. As an "elder statesman" of the genre, he's been soul-searching while celebrating Hip Hop's 50th birthday. A true OG! At the ripe age of 37, and 38, E-40 released the "Ghetto Report Card." Boom! His career accelerated like a rocket on a mission. It was pure magic, baby! Not only was he part of the crunk movement, but he also rode the hyphy wave like a boss. The man was juggling "U and Dat," "Snap Yo Fingers," and more hits, taking the South and the West Coast with a bang! Now, for some funny facts! Can you imagine E-40 busting those rhymes at 37, still killing it like a smooth operator? It's like he discovered the fountain of youth, spitting fire and setting the stage on blaze. Age is just a number. He's got a whole rap legacy to look back on, and it's worth celebrating! So, what's E-40's strategy for staying relevant and strengthening his impact? How did he make an impact in not one but two hot rap movements simultaneously? He had to be twice as cool, twice as fast – and three times as fly! E-40's Rap Legend Status: How Streaming Could Have Elevated His '90s Classics Many artists would have been much more successful if streaming had been available years ago. For instance, with the ability to reach more people, it is likely that the success of his '90s classics like "Practice Lookin' Hard" and "Sprinkle Me" would have made him even more of an icon in the rap world. “Imagine if there was streaming back then when we had “Tell Me When to Go,” “Bitch,” and “Choices.” We would be diamond on each one of those records," said E-40. "I put new life into the West Coast in 2006. And that’s no ifs, ands or buts. Can’t nobody say I didn’t, with the help of Lil Jon. And not funny no more.” 50 Cent thought Juvenile's album "400 Degreez" would be laughed at these days. Yep, we can't help but chuckle at the thought! Juvenile stood next to his yellow Corvette, all shiny and polished. And what was the verdict? 50 and others laughed their hearts out, thinking he was a bit too "country." Oh, the good ol' days of rap! 50 Cent Followed Juvenile's Lead Since its release in December 1998, 400 Degreez has been certified 4x platinum by the RIAA. When the album sales numbers came rolling in, guess who was the first in line, asking for baby oil? You got it - our man, 50 Cent! It seems like Juvenile's shiny secret turned out to be a stroke of genius, and 50 was ready to shine bright like a diamond! By using baby oil, Juvenile was able to create a memorable appearance that was both eye-catching and easy to recreate, which helped to spread the word about his music and drive up album sales. 50 Cent saw the success of Juvenile's strategy and wanted to replicate it, which proved to be a wise decision as his album sales skyrocketed as well. How Rap Rivalries Pushed Artists To New Heights In the mesmerizing world of hip-hop, rappers find inspiration in the most unexpected places, often drawing from their fellow artists' unique styles and journeys. Take the iconic duo of Jay-Z and Nas, for example. When Jay-Z, another rap legend, released his classic track "Takeover," where he aimed at Nas, it sparked an epic rivalry between the two rappers. But instead of taking offense, Nas was inspired to hit back with his powerful response, "Ether." This fiery exchange fueled a creative fire within both artists, pushing them to new heights of lyrical prowess. Their mutual admiration and competitive spirit resulted in some of the most legendary diss tracks in rap history. Written by Nikiya Biggs | LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter Follow and like FMHipHop on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Spotify, and YouTube! Read the full article

[bujokpoplyrics]

Got That Boom - Secret Number (시크릿넘버)

[lumosinlove]

Vaincre

Details and full fic on Ao3 

~

April Part Two

~

Oh, this is gonna be a big one, isn’t it, Lee?

Sure is. We’ve got—well, I’ll say a complete top line. Black and O’Hara tearing it up as usual, but we’ll be missing sorely someone who’ll be across the ice this time, eh?

That’s right, Logan Tremblay—oh, there he is now. Skating out in blue.

“Your New York Rangers…” came the drawn out roar around Madison Square Garden.

Remus shifted back and forth on his skates. He could already feel the coolness of the ice from down the tunnel. He could feel Sirius behind him, doing the same thing.

“All right, boys, big game,” Thomas’ voice came from somewhere closer to the front of the line. “Big game, big game!”

Coach Weasley confessed in his pre-game interview that Winter was supposed to start tonight in net, but it’ll be Knut instead. He didn’t go into details, but it’s not a secret that Winter’s been battling injuries for quite a few seasons now.

It’s true, Dean. But Knut has been proving himself over and over again. We’ve heard from his teammates how important he is in the room, also how hard he is on himself after a loss. Tell me, Dean, we see this a lot from net minders. We see the way they place weight on themselves—Kasey Winter, too. Do you think that’s something Knut will have to manage down the line?

You know, Lee, I think he’s a kid. He’s so young—so much of the Lions team is so young—hell, their Captain is so young. I think its in their nature to be hard on themselves, they’ve all been working for this life for a long time. That isn’t to say I don’t think you can be too hard on yourself. And that’s tricky territory, especially given the fact that—now, I don’t want to say this, I really don’t—but given the fact that Knut could be looking at the starting spot soon.

Oh, yeah.

Madison Square Garden booed when they skated out, and the rattle of Sergei knocking the pile of pucks down off the boards for warm-ups was drowned out. Remus gathered one for himself, pushing hard around the back of the goal before tucking it neatly into the upper crossed corner of the still empty net. The music boomed, some lyric-less bass-heavy beat that Remus could tune right out. He didn’t look across the ice, to the blur of blue jerseys just at the corner of his vision. Sirius stayed at his heels, pulling to a hard stop just beside him.

��Seventy-one,” he said. “I didn’t think about the number.”

“What?” Remus asked, looking up at him. Sirius only nodded across the ice, and Remus took a breath, and then looked. He found Logan almost immediately, TREMBLAY in white across his shoulders rather than black, and, below—

Remus frowned, before realizing. Artemi Panarin already wore ten. Now, Logan wore 71 on his back.

“Leo’s 1, Harz’s backwards,” Sirius said, and then turned to smile at Remus, tapped a glove over where his necklace rested. “Guess you’re not the only one who likes to play with numbers.”

“Weird, huh?” Leo said as he skated up beside them, mask propped on top of his head. He jerked his chin across the ice. “He’s always been ten. In school and everything. Ask Finn.”

“Really weird,” Remus said, and Sirius gave him a loving nudge before skating off for his routine, Leo towards the goal. Remus headed for his usual spot in one of the corners, where he bounced a puck off the boards a few times, but at the last second, he changed directions. If he couldn’t change his routine, he didn’t like that. He took a long, slow breath and thought of earlier that morning, Sirius’ warm arms locked around him. He thought of how well Sirius knew him. How thoroughly. He tried to keep that thought playing through his mind, willed it to be louder than the music, than the chorus of winwinwin in his head.

Remus skated to the bench instead, lightly checking into Finn, who resolutely had his back to the ice.

“How’s he look?” Finn asked, squirting water into his mouth.

Remus glanced over Finn’s shoulder, only to see Alex skating up to them, coming to hard stop that sprayed Finn’s lower body with ice.

“Ugh,” Finn said and squeezed the water bottle at his brother’s chest, squirting the front of his jersey. Remus just laughed, knowing that the cameras were catching this for sure.

“Hi, baby brother,” Alex said, throwing an arm around his neck. “So glad you’re here. Ready to get your ass kicked, bud?”

“You wouldn’t kick my ass,” Finn said, and pointed to the top of the stands where the Rangers’ team box was. “Not while Mom and Dad are watching. We both know only I could ever get away with that.”

Alex just grinned and sent a wink to Remus. “He wishes. Hey.” He knocked his and Finn’s visors together. “Gotta tell you something.”

“No,” Finn pretended to put his gloves over his ears. “La-la-la, I don’t know what you’re gonna do but I’m not falling for it.”

“No, really.”

“La-la-la—”

Alex slapped at the side of his head. “It’s about Tremz.”

Finn lowered his hands, still looking suspicious. “What?”

“Don’t mind if Sir Lupin hears?”

“Oh, believe me,” Finn said, sending an identical grin to Remus. “Loops has heard it all. What, you weirdo, spit it out.”

Alex raised his glove near his mouth for privacy in case any cameras were on them, but he was still smiling—Remus actually thought his eyes looked a little bright. “In the locker room yesterday, Saint was talking about some book series and Lo just basically goes—” Alex gave Finn’s shoulders a little happy shake. “Oh, yeah, my boyfriend loves those.”

Remus’ heart squeezed as he saw Finn’s eyes go a little unfocused on the ice. He set the water bottle down on the boards, swallowed, and closed his eyes, like some final part of him surrendered to the belief that it was real. That this was real. Remus remembered that feeling well.

“Yeah?” Finn breathed.

“Yeah,” Alex said, softer this time. “Yeah.” He smiled, pushed Finn’s helmet down over his eyes, and skated a few strides backwards towards his own side of the ice. Finn pushed his helmet back up and watched him go.

“You fucking crying, Al?” Finn laughed, but he sounded choked up himself.

“Yes!” Alex called. “Love ya!”

Looks like the O’Hara brothers already have their competitive streak up and ready. As usual. Hey, what a treat it’d be to see those two play together on an Olympic team or something, eh, Dean?

Finn cleared his throat. Remus saw him finally look for Logan, saw him find him on the ice—saw Logan find him back and raise his stick with a soft look. “I love you, too.”

Before he crossed the blue line, Alex picked up a water bottle and squirted it at Kasey, who barely flinched. He was dressed in gear, but playing back-up tonight, baseball cap shading his eyes. “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

Kasey just shook his head, smile small, brown eyes challenging. “Rangers stew.”

Alex scoffed, but skated closer to knock their helmets together gently, before darting off towards Montague in the Rangers goal just as the whistle blew, signaling the end of warm-ups.

The first few face-offs were a blur of adrenaline. Remus watched Sirius line up against Zibanejad. He kept waiting for Finn and Logan to end up shoulder to shoulder, but it never happened. Each time Logan was on the ice, Coach called Finn off of it. Thomas and Olli hardly let Logan near Leo’s net, either, double-manning him, predicting his every move. Remus saw Sirius and Pascal share slightly wolfish grins when Logan hit his stick against the boards in frustration.

Looks like Tremblay’s having himself quite the time out there against his former teammates. Haven’t seen him share the ice with his old college line mate yet. Had a bit of a tussle with Dumais, though, ha! Do you think that’s on purpose?

Tremblay and O’Hara go so far back, man, so much history. Played together at Harvard. Best friends, too. I don’t know why you’d keep two opponents who know each other’s game so well off of the same ice. I’d say you’d want that advantage, but, then again, that could backfire real quick, huh, Lee? I suppose I just want the show! Ha!

Oh, I’d say so.

“Jesus, Montague’s on tonight,” Sirius panted between drinks of water as the whistle blew for a deflection over the glass by the Rangers.

Remus nodded as he dragged a towel over his visor, clearing any sweat and steam away. “So’s Nut.”

“Ouais.” Sirius held his hand out for the towel and Remus handed it over. “We’re both locking each other down.”

“Better than the alternative.”

Sirius shrugged noncommittally and knocked on Remus’ helmet, making him laugh.

“That was an observation, not a jinx.”

Sirius didn’t look convinced, only glanced up at the clock. Six minutes to go in the first and no score. “If you say so.”

The Garden was still chanting Saint’s name after that last save. Saint, Saint, Saint, like they had stumbled in on some holy ritual. Remus took a moment to gaze up and around at the seats. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought he would get to play here after his injury. Never again, and now he had done it a few times. He didn’t think the effect was likely to ware off anytime soon. He watched Logan skate out, watched him check what line he was against—Pascal’s. Pascal said something as he took the face-off against Trocheck, and Logan smiled and rolled his eyes.

There we go, saying hello to an old friend, eh, Dean?

Tremblay lived with Dumais. The old joke is that they couldn’t get him to leave! My wife’s obsessed with Tremblay’s instagram, lots of pictures with Dumais’ kids. We know Tremz is the baby of three sisters—youngest child’s secret dream, to be the oldest?

Hey, I’m the baby of my family—no way I’d give up that leverage for anything.

Trocheck won it and Remus allowed himself a moment to settle into his old, familiar routine of watching Logan skate, the way he used to when he had spent all of his time on the bench. Sirius would always be his favorite—light, even strides that were soundless when he cut into the ice—but Logan skated like he was prepared to go miles and miles for what he wanted. His edges were clean, he could stop at the smallest touch, which meant it was hard to get around him and even harder to take the puck from him. Remus guessed that was why the Rangers coach had put him with Panarin. He shouldn’t be enjoying the way the two seemed to see lanes on the ice that looked closed, angles that looked impossible, but he was. Beautiful hockey was beautiful hockey, and Remus had always been able to appreciate that no matter what.

Logan narrowly avoided Evgeni, who definitely hadn’t gone in for the hit with his usual force, but it did make Logan pause for long enough that Evgeni was able to poke the puck away with his long reach, and right into Pascal’s waiting tape. Pascal turned and pushed hard up towards the other end—Logan on his heels.

“Très étrange…” Sirius breathed from beside him as the two whipped by.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “Strange.”

“Black!” Coach called when Evgeni came for a change. “O’Hara, go!”

Sirius was over the boards in a flash, well-rested from the whistle break. He caught Logan easy, Pascal blocking any shot he might make from behind. Logan liked to do that, no look passing. Finn had been on the receiving end of those for his entire career. Logan would keep his green eyes narrowed on the guy in front of him and then fake a shot, only to knock it back to Finn with his backhand for Finn and his speed to race half-way up the ice.

He couldn’t pass to Finn now, though, but Remus saw him hesitate, like the muscle-memory of it was fighting with him as he saw Finn in front of him on the ice. Finn shouted something to him that Remus couldn’t make out.

Oh, here we go, finally. This should be a show. Tremblay surrounded by familiar faces in the Rangers’ zone, knocks it to Panarin who can’t get it through, sends it around the boards to Fox, holding, holding, can’t get a lane—Black’s got it! Picked his pocket right up, looks like—is he gonna go coast to coast, Dean? Tremblay’s at his heels, can’t catch him—

Remus was on his feet as Sirius widened his stride the closer he got to Montague’s net. Saint was making himself big, blocker and glove out, knees ready to drop.

“Fake left,” Remus said under his breath. “High, high, c’mon…”

Sirius’ right leg raised, but Saint didn’t move the inch to follow where Sirius wanted him to go. Sirius’ shot was hit right out of the air by his blocker—God, the very edge of his blocker.

“Rebound!” Jackson shouted from beside him. “Cap, let’s fucking go!”

Sirius scrambled for it, but Logan got there first and knocked it all the way down the ice. The whistle blew for icing on the Rangers, and Logan’s line would have to stay on the ice for another shift, tired as they were.

Jesus, not often do you see a chance taken away from Sirius Black like that, do you, Lee?

Nope. No, you do not. Sebastian Montague, in these past few years…well, he’s been making a name for himself, yes he has.

Logan and Sirius were panting, sticks on their knees, not quite looking at each other. Logan bent to hand the puck to the ref, and Remus watched him send a glance to Sirius, watched him say something. Sirius turned and, after a moment, smiled, then reached his stick out to lightly wack Logan’s shins. Remus felt something release in his chest, looked to Finn who was watching them as he skated towards the boards for a change. He looked like he was feeling something similar—complicated and relieved, happy and sad.

“Mind staying out, Harzy?” Coach said when Finn reached the bench. Coach had an equally complicated look on his face as he raised his calling card to his mouth so the cameras couldn’t read him. “You distracted him good out there. Black got close, I think he can get close again before clock runs down.”

Finn looked surprised for a moment, then grinned. “Oh, Coach. I was born to distract Logan Tremblay.”

~

Remus was drenched in sweat by the time they were making their way down the tunnel for first intermission. They were still 0-0, but it was one of those games that just felt good. Difficult and evenly matched, low on hits, high on skill. It was always like that with the Rangers. Remus handed Lars his sweaty gloves to be dried with a nod of thanks. The locker room wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t quite. It wasn’t frustration exactly that hung in the air. More like will power. They wanted this. All of them.

Remus cut through the puck-marked tape on his stick once he was sitting in his stall again. Finn came into the room near the end of the line, just ahead of Leo, and let out a very loud, meandering sigh-like noise that made Leo laugh.

“Okay, Harzy?”

“This feels like a really weird dream. Like…” He paused to pull his jersey over his head, then stripping his pads off, leaving only Logan’s fleur-de-lis around his neck and his pants. “Like one of those dreams that you wake up and try to figure out what the fuck it means but you just sit there confused.”

Thomas laughed from beside Remus. “That was a whole thought.”

“I have a lot of them, occasionally.”

Remus just smiled and got up for the bathroom to rinse the sweat off of his face and neck. Within, Kasey was at the sink, stripped out of his pads. He was strong and tall, but always looked smaller, more fragile, in the moments just after he had removed all of the bulky goaltender gear. Kasey met his eyes in the mirror, twisting on the tap.

“Hey, Loops.”

“Hi, Bliz,” Remus said.

“Intense so far, eh?”

“Yeah,” Remus smiled. “Hey, gonna see Alex later?”

“Yeah, but we’re going out with a few of the guys first—not sure if the Cubs are coming, too, but I think they are. Old Harvard teammates and all that. And, from what I’ve heard from Leo, Tremz probably wants to do some sentimental shit like—I don’t know, serenade them?”

Remus laughed. “It’s sweet. I didn’t know he was like that, but it’s damn sweet.”

Kasey made a show of rolling his eyes but he was grinning, too, shutting the water off. “Yep. It is.”

“We’ll probably come, too,” Remus said. “But if we don’t win, I can’t promise you-know-who will be any fun.”

“Oh, you’ll wring some fun out of him, I know it.”

Remus leaned over and splashed water over his neck. “I always seem to, don’t I?”

Kasey was silent for a moment, but he wasn’t leaving like he normally would. Like any player, he had a strict intermission routine. Instead, he stood there, half-turned towards Remus.

“So, Cap asked you to marry him,” Kasey finally said.

“So he did.”

“I want to marry Natalie.”

Remus couldn’t help the way his head snapped towards him, couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face. “Oh my God, Kasey. That’s—” But then he noticed Kasey’s conflicted expression. “What’s up? That’s great, man.”

“It is.” Kasey nodded. “I’ve only been thinking. Our relationship with Alex is newer…well, Alex feels like my oldest friend in the world, but in this way, the way we three are now, it’s new. Very new. I don’t know how to tell him that I want to marry Natalie without him thinking that…without him worrying that I don’t think of him as permanently mine like that. Because I think I will want that. I think Nat will want that. I just…it feels different. We’re in a different place. I want to marry one person, but I want to keep the other.”

Remus nodded. He couldn’t picture wanting anyone but Sirius, couldn’t imagine having any room left over in his heart, but it filled him with warmth every time he thought of the Cubs, or when Kasey had told him about Natalie and Alex. Kasey was so quiet about it, but he was a bit like Finn, Remus sometimes thought. He had endless things to give.

“I think…I think you should tell him.”

“Yeah?”

“I think—I mean, maybe you’d be better of talking to Finn or Leo or Logan—but aren’t both of your relationships proof that things develop at different rates? That more than one thing can develop at once?”

Kasey nodded. “I…yeah.”

“I mean—okay, now that I’m thinking, even me.” Remus crossed his arms, leaning against the counter with a hip. “Maybe I don’t want two different people, but I wanted to kiss Sirius before I knew I was ever going to be friends with him. That shouldn’t really make sense, but that’s how I felt. And then he became my best friend while I was also falling in love with him. At the same time.”

Kasey smiled. “Yeah, I think we all knew about your little crush.”

Remus laughed. “I’m trying to say that I think…I think you should talk to Alex, ask Natalie, and…” Remus huffed out a laugh. “And wring out all the best that life has to offer. You’ve got a good hand you’ve been dealt.”

Kasey was quiet for so long that Remus started to worry that he’d said something wrong. That maybe he’d wanted or needed something else. He looked away from Kasey, trying to give him space, but kept an eye on his expression in the mirror—it was crumbling, slowly.

His voice came out so soft that even the bathroom’s echoes barely caught it. “I think I need to retire, Remus.”

And part of Remus felt like crumbling, too. Kasey was so quiet about it, about all of it, and Remus suddenly felt painfully grateful that someone like Kasey trusted him like this. He was thankful for his old job, and all that it had given him. If he’d started as a player, he wasn’t sure he would’ve gotten that.

“I know,” Remus said just as softly. How many hours had they spent together, trying to make the pain go away? Remus leaned his palms on the counter, freezing to the touch. “God. I know, Kase. You’ve been hurting a long time, huh?”

“They tell you to fight through it,” Kasey said, eyes down and unfocused. “That’s the thing about hockey. That’s probably what wrecked me and Alex for so long. What wrecked Sirius. They just tell you to fight through what hurts and it’ll go away. And if it doesn’t go away, ignore it. Pain means you’re an athlete, you asked for this.” Remus watched Kasey close his eyes. His face would have looked almost peaceful, if his voice hadn’t had a fine tremor to it, words barely audible by the end of his next sentence. “I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m so tired.”

Remus straightened and put a hand on Kasey’s back. “Kase…”

“I don’t know what’ll happen,” Kasey said.

“What’ll happen is you’re so fucking young. They make you feel old at twenty-eight in this game, and it’s bullshit. You can do anything you want. What’ll happen is you’ll choose something incredible, Kasey. I know you will. I know that because you know how to take your time. Believe me. I understand.”

“I—I want to finish the season. Give myself that.”

Remus nodded. “All right. Layla and Lars will help you.”

Kasey looked at him. “Will you help me?”

Remus had to take a minute. He squeezed Kasey’s shoulder and nodded fiercely. “Of course I will.”

Kasey sent him a quiet smile. He put his hand over Remus’. “Guess I’ll start with choosing Nat, then, huh?”

Remus smiled back. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

~

Finn just wanted to get back out onto the ice. He had thought he would be sad. He thought he would have woken up with dread and a dry mouth at the thought of seeing Logan in blue. But he hadn’t taken into consideration that now Logan’s eyes would always be on him, storm-ridden sea green, trained on him, looking for the best way to beat him. Finn could see it now, even as he mindlessly taped fresh sticks for period two. It riled Finn in a way he hadn’t known it would.

“Hey,” Leo said, sitting down in his stall beside Finn. “I know we said we were all going to Lo’s but…lots of the boys are going out tonight.”

“You want to go, babe?”

Leo shrugged. “Kinda. Don’t know if Lo knows about it, though. He won’t be looking at his phone now, gotta see after the game.”

Finn tore the tape with his teeth and smoothed his finished work. “I think we should. Today won’t be complete till I’ve got my hands all over your hips while everyone’s looking. We don’t play tomorrow, we can fly back after the team does.”

Leo’s answering smile was bright and he leaned forward to press a kiss to Finn’s cheek. “That sounds good. So good. God, this game.”

“How’s it feel to you?” Finn said. “Because its getting me unexpectedly…toasty.”

Leo snorted. “I know, I can tell. I…” He paused. “I just—I really don’t want to let one of his past me, you know? It’s stupid, but oh my god, I don’t.”

“It’s not stupid,” Finn said. “Believe me, I feel the same.”

Leo leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “He looks good out there. Blue suits him.”

“You look good out there,” Finn said.

Leo offered him a small smile, eyes lingering over Finn’s, then Finn’s mouth. “Harzy?”

“Yeah?”

Another beat of silence, another flick of his eyes up, then down. “I—miss you.”

Finn started a little, blinked, sat up straighter. Leo smiled a little bashfully, looked down, and Finn reached out and put a hand on his thigh. “You miss me? Le, I’m…”

“I just mean…I feel better. And I can tell you feel better. We were all so different, for a moment there. And I’m—I guess I mean that I’m happy.” Leo put his hand over Finn’s. “That’s all. I’m happy. I don’t know.” Leo squeezed his fingers. “I—yeah, I don’t know.”

Finn nodded, slowly, understanding. He thought of the horribly still nights that they’d shared after Logan had first left. All of their trying, all of their tight grips. It did feel better now. Finn scooted closer, took Logan’s necklace from around his own neck and slipped it over Leo’s surprised, soft expression. He took Leo’s chin gently between his fingers and kissed him, because he could.

“I love you happy.” Finn said. and tapped the necklace and kissed him again. “For luck.”

“The necklace or the kiss?” Leo’s smile was bright.

“The necklace. The kiss is because I love you. Here’s another.” Finn kissed Leo’s forehead, then rested his own against it. “And I miss you, too. I don’t know exactly what I mean, either.”

Leo let out a breath. “Yeah…”

“But I do.”

Leo closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”

The second period started off with a bang. Evgeni took on Reaves—and Finn honestly couldn’t be sure who won, only that they were both still talking a mile-a-minute on their way to their penalties.

“Does Reaves speak Russian?” Finn leaned in to say to Jackson, who just snorted.

“Kuns doesn’t care if you know what he’s saying during fights. It’s the feeling, Jackson, the feeling. They scare.”

Finn smiled. “Right. Reaves totally looks scared.” They looked like they were going to break down the glass.

“17, on Tremblay.” Coach tapped Finn’s shoulder. “Remember.”

“Oh, Coach, I remember.”

Finn next jumped the boards beside Sirius to swap out with Pascal’s fourth line. He narrowly avoided a hit by Blais with the puck on his stick, and managed a slick pass to Olli, only to have the puck snatched out of the air by Montague. Chants of Saint filled Madison Square Garden again. Saint, Saint, Saint. When he saw Panarin jump the boards, he fell in at Sirius’ shoulder.

“It’s not working up high.”

Trocheck followed Panarin, and then—

“Tremz’ll know if you go low.” Sirius was chewing on his mouthguard, eyes on where Logan was skating towards the face-off circle—towards Finn. “He’ll block. If he’s not shooting, he likes getting up in the crease to protect the goal.”

“We’ll have to try and get him unmatched from the Panarin line, surprise him. Their guys seem to like Lo and him together.”

Sirius nodded as they turned back to the face-off. “Try to trap him in the corners, maybe the others will go for a change.”

Sirius bent across from Trocheck, and Finn—well, he stopped for a minute. He had known what would happen just now, but he hadn’t realized exactly what this would mean, facing Logan’s line. He looked right into those familiar green eyes. They hadn’t been this close all night, and now Finn leaned forward, skate braced against Logan’s, snug shoulder-to-shoulder. Distract.

“Sorry, what’s your name again?” Finn said, and pretended to look back at Logan’s jersey. “Huh. Can’t pronounce that. I’ll just have to call you seventy-one.”

Logan suppressed a smile but said nothing. He kept his eyes forward, but there was a blush to the back of his neck.

And there are the old teammates. Chatting it up—well, O’Hara is, anyway.

“Seventy-one,” Finn said, mockingly thoughtful. “Got the last pick, eh? The dregs?”

“Harzy,” Logan said in a low voice.

“Hey, remember earlier today when we made out?”

That made Logan look at him, eyes pleased and fiery, just as the ref dropped the puck. Logan cursed and gave Finn a nice, hard shove, but not before Finn got the puck from Sirius and sent it up the boards. That was as good as a starting gun for Logan, and Finn gave chase. He saw his chance and took it. He pushed through one hard stride, then another, before pinning Logan not too softly against the boards, the puck trapped between both of their skates.

“Hi there, Tremblay,” Finn breathed, mouth perfectly positioned against Logan’s neck.

He knew Logan could feel his breath there, especially when he let out a frustrated noise low in his throat, and tried to shove back against Finn, free up the puck, but Finn fought right back.

“This? You want this?” Finn groaned as Logan shoved an elbow back against his ribs. “Oh, ouch, what was that for? Thought you loved me.”

“Finn,” Logan said through his teeth. The crowd was beginning to get restless and loud, but Finn just wanted to smile. He couldn’t help that they were matched for strength, that they could predict each other’s every move.

“Never felt you fight me like this before, huh?” Finn made a try for the puck but Logan’s broad shoulders edged in front of him again, making him have to switch to his other side. He could feel Logan’s sweat against him from the damp curls of his hair peaking out from his helmet, taste the salt of it. It was all him.

Logan let out a low groan of effort again and finally knocked the puck free. Both of them dived for it, only to find Remus there, snatching it up, tapping it to Thomas, back to Remus, back to Finn to tapped it in a quick east-west to Remus who pulled his stick back for a slap-shot—it rattled off the crossbar and into the Rangers’ net.

Finn put his arms up with a shout and Remus turned towards him, pointing his glove at him.

“Yeah, Harz!” Remus grinned as they crashed together, Thomas putting one hand on each of their helmets.

“Having fun in the corners there, Finnegan?” Thomas said.

“Very much so. Gonna get an earful for it later, though.” Finn laughed as he skated down the bench to tap gloves with his teammates, receiving a slap on the helmet from Coach as he used the gate to get into the bench. He glanced up and caught green eyes staring at him for just a second.

“My boyfriend loves those,” Finn said quietly to himself. “My boyfriend reads those.”

Wow, all smiles from O’Hara. Certainly pleased with himself over that goal.

Finn looked down the ice at Leo, and he couldn’t really see his eyes, but he could tell that Leo was looking back by the slow, exasperated and fond shake of his head.

“You say something?” Evgeni asked from beside him.

Finn pointed to Leo. “My boyfriend’s the goaltender for the Gryffindor Lions.”

Evgeni made a face, brown eyes confused. “Harzy, I’m know this?”

Finn just smiled, letting out a long breath. “I know. I just wanted to say it someone.”

~

Logan sat back in his stall with his eyes closed.

“How you doing, kid?” Alex’s voice said.

“I’m a little…fluttered.”

“You’re…fluttered?”

“I think I said it wrong.”

“Flustered?”

Logan rubbed at his eyes, then laughed. “I guess. Turned on feels closer.”

Alex must have been drinking water because there was a snorting sound and then he was choking through a laugh. “Oh-kay. Okay, Tremblay, wow. Zero to one-hundred.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Alex laughed again, taking another sip of water. “I mean, keep in mind I believe you’re referring to my brother’s little clean hit, but don’t be sorry.”

“Huh,” Percy said from where he was re-lacing his skates. “I believe Finn was hoping it would be perceived as a bit more dirty, actually.”

Logan laughed. “Shut up.”

Logan felt easier in this locker room. Part of him worried it was only due to the mere proximity of the Lions, of Leo and Finn, of Sirius and Pascal. He had been living without the promise of see you tonight and he still got sad going home to an empty apartment. But he liked this team. They were kind and tight-knit. They pushed each other and uplifted each other. Even the quiet, somber ones like Luke—though, Logan guessed he could be considered a quiet and, sometimes, somber one himself.

He stood up. “They’re starting on the power play, which is dangerous.”

Percy put up his hands. “I didn’t trip Nadeau. Fucking refs.”

“Cap—uh.” Logan shook his head, threw his jersey back over his head so he’d miss any second looks he got for that. “Black is probably really fired up so. Dangerous around the net. Whether you tripped him or not.”

“So?” Alex said. “You’ve got a slapper that can go the distance.”

“Non, they’ll expect that. They’ll put Walker right in front of it.”

“Hm.” Alex stood, too, throwing his shoulder pads on over his bare chest and beginning to smooth the velcro.

“Well,” Percy said. “You know Knut better than any of us. We’ve watched tape, but…”

That brought Logan up short. He looked over at Percy, his fair hair wild from drying sweat.

“What?” he asked, though he’d heard him.

“What’ll work?” Percy asked, like it was obvious.

Logan opened his mouth, but couldn’t think of a single thing to say. What’ll work against Leo? He knew, obviously, but…

“Five-hole.”

They all looked over at Saint, who had spoken—who rarely spoke between periods usually. He was sitting in his stall beside Luke, cold towel around his neck.

“He’s tall,” Saint continued. “Long legs, he can’t get down as quickly as he always should. But he’s good with his hands, he’ll snatch anything glove-side right out of the air.” He looked over at Logan, eyes knowing. You can’t do this, so I’m doing it for you. “He’s been doing it all night. But so have I.”

Logan couldn’t keep his eyes off Leo. The way he came back out for the third, marking up the freshly smoothed blue paint in front of his goal with precise, measured strides. He was all the way at the other end of the rink, but Logan had a feeling Leo was watching him, too. When Leo came to the bench for a full water bottle before the first puck drop, Logan saw that he was right.

Logan almost didn’t want to look over. Finn had caused enough of a stir in him. But he couldn’t help it. He found Leo’s blue eyes. He had his mask up.

Hi, Logan saw Leo mouth.

Logan bit his lip. “Hi.”

Then Leo reached into his jersey, brought out a necklace, and kissed it. With a start, Logan realized it was his fleur-de-lis. He felt himself flush hot. He felt himself smile. He touched the place on his own chest where the pendant had once rested. Leo smiled, pulled his mask down over his face, pointed two fingers at his own eyes, then at Logan.

Logan recognized the challenge.

Ha! A little message from Leo Knut there. We’ll see if Tremblay rises to the bait and evens out this game.

They had been right about the power play. Sirius was buckling down and fierce. Logan felt the same. Any hyper-awareness that he’d had about playing against his old team faded to the back of his mind. Muscle memory took over. He didn’t hit—he didn’t think he could bring himself to really let that go—but their faces blurred and the Gryffindor red could have been Detroit’s. After each shift, he barely wanted to sit on the bench.

He found himself shoulder to shoulder with Finn again, determined not to give into him this time. Determined to maybe feed him a bit of his own fire.

“Do you remember,” Logan began. “That first summer we spent in New York together, and you read me those books?”

Finn smiled. “Ha, you can’t get me. Alex already told me. Ha-ha.”

Logan kept his eyes ahead. “I think I was already in love with you.”

Logan had the puck on his stick before Finn could even close his mouth.

Oh man, this is what Tremblay’s famous for, Dean. As fast backwards as he is forward and—those feet. One of the best skaters in the league. He passes to Morgan, Morgan to Panarin—the magnetism! Wow, back to Tremblay, over to Marshall, narrowly avoiding O’Hara on his way down the ice, Tremblay, back to Marshall, back to—Oh! And he scores! Tremblaaay!

Oh, what a look on Tremblay’s face! That’s bliss, man. That’s bliss!

Logan slammed up into the glass with a shout, Percy just behind him.

“What a pass!” Logan managed to say from beneath Percy’s glove all but trying to smother his face.

“Like old times, eh?” Percy laughed, then turned to call to Finn. “Eh, O’Hara! Owe you one, you fucking beauty!”

Finn waved him off, but the gesture did draw Logan’s eyes to Leo. He was tracing the blue paint with his stick, like he always did after a puck got past him, head down, trying to re-focus. Logan knew that this was normal for him, but that didn’t make the twinge of guilt in his gut any better. He had, for the first time, been the one to cause that look on Leo’s face. Leo was hard on himself. Logan knew this from many sleepless nights spent with him. The fact that it was Logan who had scored…he knew that didn’t make it easier for Leo.

And even still. A certain triumph. Leo. He’d gotten one past Leo.

But the victory didn’t last. No more than four minutes later, Finn and Remus were like hounds on the ice. Logan had almost forgotten. They were playing for the playoffs. Remus squeezed one in beneath Saint’s left pad with three minutes to go, and then Finn, nearly swiping Alex’s feet out from under him in the process, pulled the Lions ahead of the tie for a clean win. A clinch. They were two play-off teams now.

Logan was happy for them. He wondered if they would get to meet each other in the first round, depending on who the wild card ended up being. But Logan couldn’t watch them all celebrate on the ice, piling against Finn by the glass, gloves on the ice. That, he couldn’t quite do.

~

Remus could feel the happiness coming off of Sirius. They had done it. They were going to the play-offs. Sirius had even been almost receptive when the reporters had surrounded him in his stall. He’d even forgone his baseball hat that usually kept his eyes shaded and unreadable. Remus had had a bit of a moment, watching him push his sweat-drenched hair out of his bright eyes, answering questions in English, then a few in French.

“Thank you, Sirius,” a few of the writers had said, and then Sirius had smiled with a merci.

Remus joined him by the fridge that held sports drinks and water. He nudged their shoulders together. “Merci.”

“Shh,” Sirius said. He sent Remus a smile, though, pressed a kiss to his temple.

Finn’s parents were at the game, of course to watch both of their sons play. Remus had only met them a handful of times, but the energy they brought with them into the room was classic. Remus could practically smell the early morning practices, alarm clocks and high school locker rooms and jerseys on clothing hangers in stalls.

“How you doing, kid?” Finn’s mom grinned, pressing a hard kiss to Finn’s cheek and rubbing his back. “What a game. Almost a hatty. How’d it feel?”

Finn’s dad, Ramsey—a tall man with the O’Hara’s soft brown eyes and a handsome face with tortoise-shell glasses—rubbed a hand through Finn’s hair. Remus could tell he’d been doing that since Finn had only come up to his knees. “So weird to see Logan in blue.”

“Yeah,” Finn said. He still had his arm tightly around his mom’s shoulders, and his knuckles looked like he was really holding onto her. If Remus didn’t know better, he’d say there was a bit of emotion in Finn’s voice. He thought of what Alex had told him. My boyfriend reads those. He thought of how long Finn had been waiting for a sentence like that from Logan. “Yeah. It was weird, but it was good. See Alex yet?”

“Not yet, came to you first,” Ramsey said. “Al said he was gonna come down here to you, anyway. Oh, Leo—” Ramsey smiled at Leo as he came to Finn’s shoulder, and held out his arms. “What a fucking game, man. Hot hands on you.”

Leo accepted the hug and the slap on the back, then pointedly ignored Finn’s exaggerated look at his hands. “Thank you.”

“Aw, Leo,” Haley put her hands on his cheeks. “You’re looking good. I’m so glad, you boys are looking so good, I was…I was worried there.” Then her eyes caught on someone behind Leo and Remus looked to see. “Kasey Winter, what the hell are you standing all the way over there for? I see those shy eyes of yours looking at me.”

Kasey came over in his usual, almost sheepish way. Remus felt a pang go through him, thinking back to seeing that expression just over an hour ago, trying to be strong.

“How you doing?” She had her hands on his face like she had with Leo. “You okay?”

“I’m okay.” Kasey nodded.

“Hm.” Her eyes went over his face. “You know Alexander never shuts up about you.”

“I don’t think I shut up about him, either.” Kasey’s eyes went to Remus’ for a moment. “At least not in my head.”

“Good.”

Remus smiled. He looked over at Sirius. He had been going to ask if they were joining the others at the bar, but the look on Sirius’ face stopped him in his tracks. He was staring at the O’Hara family, grey eyes without walls. It was such a rare sight that Remus reached out for him without thinking, put his hand on Sirius’. Sirius blinked, watched Haley O’Hara lean up for Finn to whisper something in her ear, watched the way she put her hand over her heart and looked up at her son with that heart written all over her face.

“I’m fine,” Sirius said. “I just—wonder sometimes. About—I mean, if I had had…”

“I know.” Remus rubbed his thumb over Sirius’ knuckles.

Sirius squeezed his hand before clearing his throat and standing, reaching for his shirt.

“Hello, mon fils.” And Pascal was there suddenly, arm going around Sirius’ shoulders, squeezing tightly. “Going out with the boys?”

Sirius swallowed, leaned into Pascal a little, then nodded. “Ouais, we’re going.”

Remus thought about what he’d said to Kasey. They were all so young. And he suddenly wanted his family there. He wanted to see Julian for more than a few weekends a year and a month and a half in the summers. He had an almost aching want for a family with Sirius. And everything, all the time that came with that. It knocked his gaze unsteady for a moment. He looked at James, who was on the phone with Lily, one AirPod in and laughing as he did up his game suit tie.

“Put him on,” James was saying. “Harry totally knows what icing means, Lils!”

Remus smiled and reached for his towel to dry his hair one more time, only the room erupted around him. Logan and Alex had walked in. Alex immediately ran at Finn, dodging around his parents to put his little brother into a headlock.

“Ugh, Alex—” Finn scrabbled at Alex’s grip. “No—Mom.”

“Alexander, release your brother, he won fair and square.”

Leo, who had his arms around Logan, laughed as Logan imitated Finn. “Mom.”

“Ooh, it’s Tremblay,” Evgeni said, knocking Logan’s hat down over his eyes as he passed by, already dressed. “Big bad Ranger boy. We smush you. Smush.”

Jackson, behind him, righted his hat with a pat. “See you at the bar? What’s it called—uh, something-something?”

“Sure,” Alex called, still with a fighting Finn under his arm. “I’ll have Logan put it in the group chat.”

“Finn reached up to wack blindly at Alex’s face. “C’mon, man.”

Finally, laughing, Alex released him and accepted a hug from his mother. With access to Finn now, Logan gave him a shove.

“You fucker.”

“Tremblay,” Alex said, arm around Haley. “Language around my mother.”

Haley scoffed. “Oh, please.”

Remus laughed with the room just as his phone started ringing. A photo of Julian’s nostrils popped up beneath his name and Remus shook his head.

“When did you do that…” he muttered to himself, and then answered. “Hey, bud.”

“Such a good game! And—so weird that Tremzy? But like so cool to see him and Finn, like, like—battle for it. And also good goal! With Harzy. Really pretty.”

“Hi, sweetheart,” his mother’s voice came. “Oh, yes, we just went wild!”

“Hey, thanks,” Remus smiled. “Yeah, it was pretty weird.” He glanced over to where Finn had his hands up in surrender still, half talking, half laughing as Logan spoke a mile-a-minute in French.

“I wanna talk to Sirius,” Julian said matter-of-factly.

“Ooh, yes, put Sirius on for a moment. I have a wedding idea.”

“That you can’t tell me?”

“It’s about you! Hand him over!”

Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled as he nudged the phone at Sirius. “Jules and my mother demand your attention.”

Sirius looked down from where he had finished up half the buttons of his shirt, eyes going happy. “Give it.” He wedged the phone between his shoulder and cheek as he finished the buttons. “Ça va, Jules? Avez-vous regardé le match?”

Remus felt all warm inside at how slowly he spoke. Julian had started learning French in school, and Remus could hear his OUI! from where he was.

Sirius smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling, as he listened to them.

See? Remus mouthed, and Sirius just reached out to stroke through the wet hair at the base of his neck. Remus leaned into it and listened for a few moments as Sirius replied to whatever Julian or his mother was saying. Soft hums and sounds of agreement until he finally said, with a wicked grin at Remus, “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

Remus flicked him in the ribs.

“Non, not flying home,” Sirius said. “We’re going to hang out with Logan and some of the Rangers because we miss him.”

“I heard that!” Logan called over.

“Just a little!” Sirius called back, then held the phone in his hand, suit jacket over his arm. “Okay, Jules. Okay, I’ll tell him. Good night.” He laughed. “Yes, I know. Okay. Okay. Ouais, okay.” Remus put a palm to his forehead, shaking his head as Sirius tried to hid his laugh. “Okay, yes. Got it. Ouais, promise. Okay. Okay, night.”

Sirius handed the phone back to Remus. “I don’t want him to grow up any more.”

Remus sighed and accepted Sirius’ gentle kiss. “Me neither.”

~

The bar was loud and dim, with seemingly endless worn booths and many pool tables— also, everyone seemed to know Alex. The bartenders, two middle-aged women in black tank-tops and a sun and moon tattoo on their upper left arms that had to go together, each gave him long, hard hugs. Kasey, too, which Remus shouldn’t have been surprised about. The walls were plastered with photographs of the two women with different players—Rangers and otherwise. Above the bar was a great big sign: No Autographs, No Pictures. If We See A Flash—You’re OUT!

Remus smiled. He could see why Alex liked it here. Public, but no where they’d be mobbed should it come to that.

“I guess you’ve been coming here a long time,” Sirius said, coming to Kasey’s shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, Cap. Since the old days.”

“My Lord,” one of the women said—thick braided hair that was died pink at the ends and tied back in a long twist. She had soft eyes, russet-brown skin, and she stood tall like a dancer. “Kasey Winter, you have brought Sirius Black into my bar. Finally.”

Kasey just laughed and tapped Sirius’ chest. “Sirius, meet Holly, and that’s her wife Jude over there.” He nodded towards a woman with a blond pixie cut and green eyes that were almost as startling as Logan’s. She stood with one hand in her back pocket, pale skin covered in various tattoos. She was laughing at something Evgeni was saying before replying in Russian.

Remus thought Sirius looked a little overwhelmed by it all. He drew his gaze away from the surprisingly big space and towards Holly with one of his shyer smiles. “Nice to meet you.”

She laughed, a contagious thing. “You really are a formal one.”

Kasey rolled his eyes. “Not really.” He reached around Sirius to put a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “This is Remus.”

“Hi there,” Remus said. “This is an amazing place you’ve got here.”

“Oh, thank you, darling.” She reached over the bar and put her hand on Remus’. “You know, my wife grew up in your hometown. We followed your story all through college. We were so sorry when that nasty Grayback…He should have been banned from the League a long time ago. God, and then everything with that fucking Snake team. And I know we don’t know each other but we feel a lot of pride about you.” She gave a hard nod.

That nasty Grayback. Remus had never actually heard anyone blame him before. “I—oh. Wow.”

“I’m proud, too.” Sirius’ arm found his waist and Remus was so, so grateful.

“Sharmall.” Remus jumped a little at a very much higher-pitched version of Finn’s voice.

“A’Horo,” came the response from Percy Marshall, already standing with Alex and Will Morgan at a pool table.

Remus watched as Finn, coming in with Logan and Leo, all but launched himself at Percy, and he couldn’t have deciphered the noises that came out of their mouths if he wanted to.

“You fucking M&M! Fucking snack!” Percy held Finn’s face between his hands. “Treat you a two? A three? Crack the egg.”

Finn shook him by the shoulders. “Fuckin’ crack it.”

“Do you…understand this?” Remus asked Logan, who was greeted by Holly by a very loving and rather comforting hand on his cheek.

Logan was just shaking his head. “Yes. Only because I was there.”

“And?” Leo asked, looking just as bewildered as Remus.

“They’re going to have beers,” Logan said. “And they’re saying hello.”

Leo blinked. “I—okay.”

“I told you,” Logan said. “They’re crazy together.” He sighed, smile exasperated, and looked to Holly. “Hi, Hol. Sorry about them.”

“Oh, we’ve seen worse.” She held up her hands and poured Logan a drink—quick shot of rum, crack of a coke bottle. “Sorry about the loss, honeybee.” Her eyes moved to Leo. “And don’t I know who this is. Congrats on the win.”

Logan accepted the drink with a smile, and put his arm around Leo’s waist. “This is my boyfriend. Leo.”

Remus watched the way Leo’s expression caught, surprise and something so bright that Remus could barely look at it.

Holly pressed her lips together in a smile. “Hi, sweetheart. Can I pour you something? I can’t tell. All thought I couldn’t tell with Tremblay here, either. Jude googled him—ha!”

Leo nodded, hand going to his wallet. “I can—do you want…”

“I believe you.” She cracked the cold bottle from the fridge that Sirius has asked for. “Some of the older boys try to bring in the rookies sometimes. They know they can’t get passed us, though.”

Remus turned to look up at Sirius while the others moved onto the game from that night. Sirius shuffled him down the bar a little ways before tapping a stool for Remus to sit on so that they were eye-to-eye.

“Okay?” Sirius asked quietly.

“Yeah, totally.” Sirius looked at him and Remus smiled, put a hand on his chest. “I really am. I promise. It just—his name takes me off guard. I was surprised—most people just go sorry about the hit, not—you know. Not like he meant it. Not like—I know no one knows what really…happened. But it was nice to hear someone get close.”

Remus took a breath, realized he was rambling. He rolled his shoulder a little. It would never move quite in the way it used to, scar tissue and stress, but he was lucky.

Sirius nodded quietly. “Ouais. I see.”

Remus straightened, smiling when he saw Evgeni hurtling towards them, pushing right through Finn and Percy to do it.

“Hey, Kuns,” Remus said.

“Loops.” Evgeni put his hands up, one holding a beer. Who knew where his jacket was but his tie was barely hanging onto his neck and his shirt was unbuttoned almost all the way, showing some of his tattoos. “The party is me.”

Remus raised his eyebrow, but nodded. “Sure is.”

“Cap,” Finn said, tugging Evgeni’s tie up to catch over his face. “Percy insists I introduce you properly, whatever the hell that means.”

“Hello.” Percy looked star-struck as he shook Sirius’ hand. “Sir.”

Remus tried to bite back a smile but Finn snorted. “Perc, what the fuck.”

Percy was pink around his ears. “Hello, not sir.”

Sirius just smiled wryly. “Hi…”

“I love you,” Percy said plainly.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Finn put an arm around Percy’s shoulders to steer him away. “And you’re not even drunk, I forgot how fucking weird you are.” He pressed a sloppy kiss to Percy’s temple. “Fuckin’ M&M.”

“Kit-Kat.”

“Jolly Rancher.”

Remus hid his laugh in Sirius’ chest, where he felt the rumble of Sirius’ own. Sirius’ palm came up to cover the back of Remus’ neck, thumb stroking gently.

“Loup,” Sirius said softly beneath the music playing. “Something made you sad earlier, though.”

“What? Oh. Yeah,” Remus smiled a little, pleased at the way Sirius was pressing so close. “I can’t actually say. It’s not about me.” His eyes went to Kasey. “You’ll know soon.” Sirius’ eyes followed his. “You probably already do.”

Sirius looked for a long time. Alex and Kasey, sitting snug in a booth together, looking like they were having a soft, earnest conversation. Kasey might have been crying a little, but they were laughing, too, and Alex touched their foreheads together.

“Ouais…” Sirius said finally.

Remus smoothed his hands up Sirius’ chest, around to clasp behind his neck. “I like this. I like us all together again.”

He looked at Pascal, Thomas, and Leo, standing and watching Finn, Will, and Logan saying something that sounded like it was about Harvard. Percy was beside Leo, seemingly whispering extra details into his ear.

“Speaking of sad earlier,” Remus said, and tilted Sirius’ face back towards his own. “I saw you watching the O’Hara’s—or A’Horo’s now, I guess.” Sirius half smiled, thumb still tracing lines down Remus’ neck. “Our families are yours. Especially mine. Okay? All of us…even some fucking Rangers.”

Sirius barely had time to smile when, as if on cue, Holly announced the arrival of a few more.

“Saint Montague,” she said, voice somehow carrying over it all. “Get your ass over here, sweetheart.”

“Monty!” Percy called as Saint came in, followed close by Luke Deveaux, whose eyes went immediately to Sirius and Remus, tangled up.

Saint put a palm up to Percy. “Nope.”

Percy let out something close to a cackled ha! and turned back to Leo.

Saint was really something to behold, Remus had to admit—by Sirius’ face, he could tell Sirius had to admit it, too. He had tan skin and hair that had been streaked blond—it was a strange cross between angelic and something akin to punk. Remus caught Sirius’ eye, whose mouth quirked. They watched as Holly clasped his hand, saying his drink was on the house—sorry about the game, darling, I know how you hate to lose.

Saint gave off an air of arrogance that should have dulled the effect. His chin tilted like he knew just how good he was. But it didn’t dull anything. Especially not when his light, liquid sun eyes looked Remus up and down once. “Lupin.”

“Montague.”

His eyes flicked to Sirius with a challenging little smirk. “Black.”

Sirius only nodded. Saint’s eyes went back to Remus.

“Pretty little things you do on that ice.”

Remus arched a brow. “Thanks…Good game.”

“It was fine. I’ve had better.”

“Obviously,” Sirius muttered.

Remus glanced up at him and Sirius huffed, but only took a drink of his beer.

Saint just smiled, then looked back at Luke as he called Holly over again. “You want something, Tweedle?”

Luke simply nodded and came to his side, leaning against the bar and watching Saint’s profile as he ordered for the both of them. Sirius glanced at Remus again. Remus would do anything for Sirius to keep sending him those little silent communication looks.

Be nice, Remus mouthed.

“You know,” Saint said, turning to Sirius. “Your boy was pretty wrecked when he first got here.” He looked towards Logan.

Sirius blinked. “Logan’s trade was a surprise.”

“Yeah, even we can agree to that,” Saint nodded. “But all I’m saying to you is that…” Saint hesitated. He looked down at Luke, then back to Sirius. “He’s doing okay now.”

“I know.”

“We’re good people.”

“Never said you weren’t.”

Saint laughed and rolled his eyes before throwing an arm around Luke’s shoulders and steering him away. “So stop looking at us like we’re just a bunch of Rangers! Oh—” He looked over his shoulder. “But we are going to have to do something about him calling you Captain all the time in our room.”

“No deal,” Sirius said.

Saint laughed again, but turned away.

“Meanie, Captain.” Remus smiled, knocking his knuckles lightly into Sirius’ arm.

“I love Logan,” Sirius said in a low voice, taking a drink. “But we are still hanging out with a bunch of Rangers.”

“What do you want, Tremz?” Remus heard Finn call from across the bar. “Another round, I’m buying.”

“You know what I want!”

“Bleh, sugar-water,” Finn said, then grabbed Leo’s hand and pulled him between the tables. Leo barely had time to let Logan take his drink from his hand and send a laugh over his shoulder. Finn spun Leo around a few times before settling his hands on Leo’s hips and resting him against the bar, murmuring something gentle to him. Remus smiled at Leo’s smile.

“Do you think they’re going to be okay?”

Remus looked up at Sirius, who had something akin to his game face on—maybe a little more worried.

“We were okay.”

“Yes.”

“And we’re okay now.”

Sirius looked down at him. He was biting at the inside of his cheek. “Yes.”

“Yes.” Remus reached up and stroked a thumb over the taut cheek until Sirius relaxed. “They’re getting to choose.”

“That doesn’t mean everything’s going to be in their control.”

“They know that, I think.”

Sirius nodded. “Ouais…”

“Cap!”

They looked up at Logan’s voice—met Saint’s pointed look on the way—and watched Logan wave at him, standing with Pascal.

“Come here. I want you in this photo.”

“Oh, of the night we beat you?” Sirius called back, but he was smiling, slipping out of Remus’ arms. Remus just shook his head and watched him go. “I thought we weren’t allowed photos?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but we’re the ones taking them.” He gave Sirius’ suit jacket a tug, surprising Sirius into one of his real smiles, so that Percy could snap the picture.

Everyone seemed reluctant to leave—reluctant to have enough drinks to risk a hungover flight or practice tomorrow, but reluctant to leave all the same. Neither Holly or Jude seemed to mind that they all ended up just sitting around a pool table, rolling some of the balls back and forth across the felt mindlessly and laughing much too loudly, though the bar was emptying out.

It stirred a fond memory from college for Remus—something that didn’t happen often. It even included Grayback. Something that happened even less. There had been a blizzard, power out, locked down in their team houses, four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each, and with a mission to drink the cold beer before it got warm.

Remus looked around from his place settled between Sirius and Thomas. Evgeni was trying to tell a story that was half in Russian and Jackson was giving what was sure to be a very wrong translation until Saint finally raised a finger and said he spoke Russian. This resulted in a very sloppy kiss on his cheek from Evgeni. Luke might have scooted Saint’s chair a little closer to himself.

Logan and Finn had Leo between them, touches casual and happy. Percy and Will had had the table in fits telling Harvard stories, and Kasey had actually put his full, large palm over Alex’s mouth to stop him from telling an old story from them being on the Rangers together.

It felt like a family. And Remus had had that feeling in college. A sickish wave of fear washed over him then. He didn’t want now to feel like then, promising that anything could go horribly wrong. He looked at Sirius, but he was turned away, talking to Alex. Remus shifted, wished he had some water. Remus felt a nudge from his right.

“Heyo,” Thomas said softly. “What’s up?”

Remus shook his head. “Nothing.” He smiled. Took a breath. “Nothing. I just…I love this.”

“Hurts sometimes, huh?”

Remus huffed out a relieved laugh. “Yeah. Exactly, T.”

Thomas put an arm around his shoulders, across the back of his chair. “I got you, Loops. We all got you.”

From his other side, Sirius kept talking to Alex, but he seemed to hear. He put his hand on Remus’ knee, warm and familiar.

“Ooh, I took his spot,” Thomas mock-whispered, and Remus laughed.

“No,” Remus said. He felt more grounded. He would enjoy this. He was enjoying this. “You stay right where you are.”

~

Logan had watched how close Finn held Leo, hands on his hips. Their heads ducked together, cheek to cheek. Right there in the middle of the crowd. Each time he had looked over, Logan had gotten different views. Finn saying something, Leo’s eyes closing as he laughed, Finn ducking to press a soft kiss to Leo’s neck. Leo sending him a wink over Finn’s shoulder, Finn grinning at him over Leo’s.

And then Leo had leaned into Logan’s side, ducked down to whisper in his ear. Take us home.

God, this place, his New York apartment, called home in Leo’s voice.

Now, Logan kept Finn close, his back against Finn’s chest as they leaned against his kitchen counter to watch Leo open his fridge, and let out a long sigh at the empty shelves.

“Oh, Tremblay. Tremblay, Tremblay, Tremblay.” He picked up an unopened bottle of ketchup and stared at it sadly. “As my mama would say, this is just asking for trouble.”

“I’m sorry?” Logan said.

“What are you eating?”

“At the rink.”

“We’ve FaceTimed, though! You bought stuff! I walked around the grocery store in your hand, they have the lettuce you like and everything.”

“Ouais…I do better when you give me really good instructions.”

Leo sent him a bland look around the door. “You need really good instructions to buy lettuce?”

“I make egg and ham sandwiches?”

Leo turned to the stove where there was still evidence of said sandwich on a spatula and pan. He made a face. “Remind me to get you a spoon rest.”

“Okay,” Logan laughed, and then tilted his head to the side to give Finn more room where he was beginning to kiss his neck.

“Kitchen looks good, though. From what I was expecting.” Leo opened a few barren cupboards and made a hmm noise.

“But I hang the towels up,” Logan said, and Finn’s answering snicker washed over his skin warmly. “And, regarde, the key bowl. By the door.”

“You don’t even have your tea,” Leo’s frowned was actually concerned now. “Lo.”

“I don’t know,” Logan sighed. He tucked himself back against Finn more. “It’s not…”

But what did he want to say? It’s not the same? That’s for at home. But this was supposed to be his home.

“It’s okay, baby,” Finn said softly, pressing gentle kisses to his jaw that bled into one another, into his words, too.

“No,” Leo said. “No, this is his home, Finn. I want him to have the things he likes here.” Leo looked over at them, and his expression softened. Finn held out his hand for him, and Leo took it, letting Finn pull him in, peppering his jaw in those same kisses. Leo smiled, hands going to thread in both Logan and Finn’s hair.

“I did have it. At one point. I guess I just…” Logan took a breath, and Finn when to speak but Leo put a hand over his mouth, making them all laugh. Logan sighed and knocked his forehead against Leo’s chest. “If I don’t have too many things, then it’s not…” 

“I get it,” Leo said, and then released Finn and bent to press a soft kiss to his mouth. “They should call you Talker.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Finn said. “But Leo’s right. This should feel homey. Otherwise why would we come and visit?”

Logan scoffed and elbowed him in the ribs.

“Ouch, Tremblay.”

“Oh, non. Don’t even get me started again on the ice today.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Blame Coach.”

Leo snorted. “Oh, Coach told you pin Lo up all hot and heavy?”

Finn just grinned. “I’d call it being willing to play the corners, but you can call it whatever you like, Nutter-Butter.”

Leo just shook his head, laughing. “C’mon. I want out of this fucking suit.”

“That can be arranged.” Finn looked down at Logan as Leo wandered towards Logan’s bedroom, peaking none too subtly into the bathroom on his way. Finn tugged on Logan’s tie. “Sorry. I should let you talk.”

“Don’t be,” Logan said. “You’re still not used to it.” He smiled. “Me neither.”

Finn laughed. “Guess so. Come on. Show me the Tremblay Chamber.”

“Stop with the last name,” Logan laughed, but took his hand and pulled him up from the counter. “Makes it feel like you’re still on the other team.”

“Logan,” Finn said in his ear, still close to his back as they walked. “Lolo.”

“Non.”

He dropped to a whisper. “Lo, baby.”

Logan just glanced at him, biting back a smile.

“Yeah, you like that.” Finn’s voice was cocky as they pushed the bedroom door open to find Leo seeming to be checking Logan’s lightbulbs on his bedside tables. “Okay, Leonardo. What is happening.”

“These pre-furnished places come with harsh lights sometimes! Like the cool toned ones, like a hotel—” Leo ducked down to see beneath the shade. “Logan likes the yellower warm ones.”

Logan’s heart squeezed. “Le, the light’s fine.”

“No, they’re cool and you will just live with it. Okay, tea and lightbulbs.” Leo straightened, shrugging out of his suit jacket. “That’s my list so far. Oh, no, spoon rest. I should write this down.”

“No, you should sit down,” Finn said. He nodded towards the bed. “There, right there. Go on. Sit, and I’ll give you a fun surprise.”

Leo look suspicious, but he sat on the edge of Logan’s bed. Finn turned Logan around by his shoulders and walked him backwards until he fell back into Leo’s lap. Logan laughed, but rested his head back against Leo’s shoulder.

“A good surprise,” Leo said softly, and kissed the underside of Logan’s chin.

Finn lowered himself to one knee in front of Logan. “All this Rangers blue…” Finn tisked his tongue. He smoothed his hands up Logan’s thighs, the material of his suit catching against his fingers. “Even made it into your socks and tie.” Finn looked up at him. “That has Alex written all over it.”

Logan took a steadying breath. “He, um—took me to his tailor.”

“I bet he did.” Finn kissed the inside of his knee. “And he had to trace this inseam…” Finn’s mouth trailed up his strong thigh, hand against his knee. “Lucky human.”

Logan couldn’t help spreading his legs a little, eyes on Finn’s mouth. Leo adjusted behind him, feet tucked back and knees against Logan’s hips.

“It is a nice suit.” Leo’s hands went to the navy blue tie in question and gave it a little tug. “But I think we should take it off of him now.”

Finn’s hands went to Logan’s belt and he did a little whistle to the tune of it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas as slid the leather free from its buckle.

Logan let out a soft laugh, leaning back into Leo as he slid the tie out from around his throat. “Shh.”

The nights were lonely. Logan always felt himself as the lone weight in his bed acutely, like he was sinking into it. It had been even been worse in his dorm bed, at Harvard. Narrow space, no room for anyone but him. He’d curled into himself, back against the window with the rattling AC. Finn, oceans away on the other side of the room, breathing and shifting and talking until neither of them could keep their eyes open. Laughing too loud and Percy banging on his ceiling to get them to shut up.

And then Finn’s bed, in his parents’ New York brownstone. Bigger. Stepping over the air mattress on the floor in the morning. Him and Leo sharing a hotel room on the road, each with their own double bed. Wishing so hard to throw off his own covers and just—just climb in and close those inches of ugly hotel carpet between them, sleep turned into Leo’s chest instead of trying to block out the blaring red numbers of the clocks on their respective bedside tables.

And now there was this. Leo behind him, unbuttoning his shirt from his shoulders like it was some sacred rite. Finn coaxing him into lifting his hips off of the bed, the jingle of his belt hitting the floor. Hot mouth around him, Leo’s fingers against his ribs, mouth on his neck, the weight of Finn’s elbows pressing into the mattress around him.

“Got one past me tonight,” Leo said in his ear. “You know I don’t let things like that go.”

Finn’s mouth was replaced by his hot cheek on his thigh as he laughed, breathless. “I thought no hockey in bed.”

The pillows behind Logan’s neck felt cool and gentle when they lay him back against them. He didn’t have to ask to watch them shed their clothes, too. And when Finn eased him back when he tried to help with his buttons, his large hands pressing against his chest, Logan thought of the boards. Finn pressed up against him, Leo all the way on the other side of the ice, what if I closed the distance? That thought that had circled in his mind a million times, for both of them. What if I came to them?

Finally, he had.

“Hold me,” Logan said, breath shaky through the words.

Leo just smiled into their next kiss, unbuttoning his own shirt. “We are.”

“Non.” Logan took Finn’s hand that was cradling the side of his neck and moved it down a little, to the front of his chest so that the V between Finn’s thumb and forefinger was settled just over where his collarbones dipped apart in the center, where Finn could feel his pounding heart. Finn’s lips were wet and parted as he watched Logan put his own hand over Finn’s and press down on his chest, watched his eyes go hooded with it.

Finn’s expression did a complicated thing. He applied a little pressure of his own, barely even at all, but Logan felt it in his chest, let his eyes close with it. It was good. It meant they were there.

He put his fingers around Finn’s wrist and guided his hand down more firmly.

“Ah.” Finn grinned, eyes going to Leo who had made another hmm noise, not dissimilar to his one from the kitchen. “I see.”

“I miss it. Please.” He used his feet to press Finn’s hips harder against his own and looked to Leo. “Please, I miss you so bad at night. I miss you so bad at night.”

“Aw, Tremz,” Leo said softly.

And just like that it was back. Tonight had been so happy. But reality was still in the room.

They didn’t let him linger in it. Leo’s kiss was short and sweet, hard enough to draw Logan to him as he pressed up all along Logan’s side. Leo let Logan guide his fingers carefully to where Finn’s were. He lay each one in the spaces between Finn’s, right over his heart. “We’re right here.”

Logan let out a harsh breath, tilting his chin back, giving Leo room. Leo leaned down and brushed his lips against Logan’s cheek. “Good?”

“Ouais, ouais—” Logan could barely stand that look in Leo’s eyes. It was as good as seeing the intensity of their blue through the mask. Better. “So good.”

Logan’s necklace glinted around Leo’s throat, pooled by their joined hands on Logan’s chest as Leo leaned over to kiss him.

“God, Lo, look at you,” Leo breathed, drawing Logan closer like he needed it. “Okay, maybe I’ll let the goal go. Was gonna make you wait for it but…just for tonight.”

“First kiss day,” Finn added, and Logan grinned into the next kiss he received.

The held him together, on either side, even when their hands made him feel like he was unraveling. Finn’s hand slipped away from his chest, down, down. Slick and fiery and steady, pulling his hips up in time with their movements like he couldn’t help it. The tension of the game melted away, right out of his muscles. Leo’s hand stayed right where it was, making his heart feel like it was pounding against something more than just himself, like it was trying to knock down whatever skin and bone was left between them. Logan didn’t remember locking his hand around Leo’s wrist, but he did, he held on even as Leo’s mouth bled any strength out of him, throat bared as Leo kissed him gentle and calm against the pile of pillows behind them.

He didn’t feel alone. It was such a relief.

When Finn got as close as he could, Logan was warm. Heavy against the sheets. Finn bent over Logan in a rush, arms scooping under Logan’s back this time, one pressing just above his ass, holding them together like he wanted to knock it all down, too.

Logan could only wrap his arm around Finn’s back in return, the other still locked on Leo. It brought Finn close, his stomach rubbing up against Logan’s cock perfectly, the scent of his sweat heavy on Logan’s tongue where his mouth was pressed into the hair that curled against Finn’s neck.

“Yeah, you like that,” Finn whispered gently, pressing a kiss to Logan’s jaw. “You like this, always have.” When Finn began to grind into him, it was shaky and needy. He barely pulled away at all, but Logan didn’t want him to. He opened his mouth against Finn’s skin, breathing hard, pressing his teeth into Finn’s skin gently to muffle the low sounds he was making.

“Leo,” Finn managed, voice tight, then at Logan’s teeth, laugh shaky. “Ouch, Lo.”

Leo laughed, too, smoothing Logan’s hand into his own and kissing his knuckles before ducking to get at Finn’s neck and shoulders, too. Logan caught his mouth in a sloppy kiss, trailed his hand down Leo’s chest until he could take him in hand.

“Did I mention you scored on me?” Leo’s brows drew together at the feeling, forehead resting on Finn’s should. “And—ah…I don’t forgive easily.”

“Ouais,” Logan said, voice sounding shot to his own ears. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Logan eased Finn off of him with a lingering kiss, a sigh at the loss, but Leo was plains and stretches of pale, bare skin flushed pink.

Logan had missed them, but they had missed him, too.

Logan straddled Leo’s hips, feeling how badly Leo wanted him, feeling the arch of Leo’s back as they pressed together. They kissed and kissed, Logan’s palms against Leo’s chest this time, then his neck and jaw, smoothing his hair back. He pushed his hips down again, and again until Leo was muttering urgent sounds and gripping his hip, keeping him still as he spilled needy and white between them.

Logan kissed over the sweat at his temple, lips parted in something between a smile, triumphant, and a need of his own. Finn was there, then, soothing the tremors in their bodies.

“I missed you, too,” Logan heard Finn murmur into Leo’s mouth.

Logan knew he would live in this moment until the next one like it came. It would be where he fell back to, when he needed something to weight him down and ground him, whenever the changes became too much. He couldn’t have said where he stopped and they began. He didn’t know the hours, he didn’t know the degree of light in the sky. He knew their skin, and their laughs, and brown and blue, red and yellow. Getting up in the pitch black just to come back and find both of them there. A memory for later, though it’d make him sad more than anything. He’d paused by the window, where the moon fell on them. He got up again to see the same sight in the blue light of the early morning. He just wanted the feeling of settling back in between them, their mindless sleepy hands finding him without trying. A glimpse of blue, Leo pulling him closer, who’s sleepless now? Finn, hearing their voices. His warm palms going around Logan’s wrists, pinning them above his head, hips settling together again, again, again.

Logan was tired, but not of this.

Leo, scrambling eggs at his stove, singing softly along to the music playing on his phone. Finn, sleepy at the counter, tennis ball beneath his foot, rolling out sore arches. Daylight. Logan left the room just so he could come back in and see them there.

He’d leave again, later, kissing them goodbye right there on the sunny sidewalk. He’d come back in to no one in his kitchen, the bed a mess. Practice in two hours. It was funny, as he stared at himself in the mirror brushing his teeth, how he looked so rested after no sleep. It wasn’t as funny how part of him had managed to convince himself that he was going to see them every night, like his body had needed to put that on a loop in his mind in order for him to enjoy it so much. But no, tomorrow they were just playing the Stars.

Twelve hours had barely passed than did Logan come home from a practice to find an express package waiting at his door, addressed in Leo’s handwriting. Inside was a box of his mint tea with a great big smiley face drawn on it in sharpie, and a set of lightbulbs. Logan smiled and set his kettle on.

[kgasaz]

SECRET NUMBER – Got That Boom Lyrics

Got That Boom Lyrics SECRET NUMBER (시크릿넘버) Got That Boom is the title track from the same title album single. We just updated Got That Boom Lyrics based on MV Teaser, please be noted that the official MV will be released in the next few hours. STAY TUNED! Single: Got That Boom Genre: K-Pop Label: […]

Read More: SECRET NUMBER – Got That Boom Lyrics

[blahkugo]

Manual

Terushima Yūji x Reader (Haikyuu!!)

Word Count: 4.5k

TW: dub/noncon (noncon filming & voyeurism), manipulation, drugs (weed and alcohol), implied virginity, degradation, exhibitionism, daddy kink

A night of danger and debauchery with the city’s infamous drug dealer. 

It was a simple enough text that started it, but you’re not even sure how he got a hold of your number. A few days ago, a plain ‘hey’ had flashed across your screen and before you knew it, you were agreeing to go for a ride in his speedy car. ‘How fast is it?’ you had asked as an attempt to stall the conversation. But it was his reply that settled it for you: ‘As fast as you want it.’ 

It’s stupid how easily swayed you were, but the words left a knot in your stomach that you had never encountered before. Like a ship setting its anchor on the seafloor, though not one of anxiety nor tension caused by any of the usual stressors of your life—something entirely alien. The real issue wasn’t its unfamiliarity, but how much you took pleasure in it. And as ships do, the feeling set sail as quickly as it appeared, and you were left wistful and aching for its return. 

Never had you been like your classmates at the private school, who used familial wealth to excuse week-long benders and avoid lengthy jail sentences, because never had you felt that depravity necessary. But as you make your way down the block, you envision daddy waking up to find his little girl simply vanished, and you can’t help the wicked smile that spreads across your face.

When you arrive at the grimy, red sports car— music blasting through the open windows despite the dead quiet of the block— that ball of thrill settles in your gut yet again. As long as you’re in the company of Terushima Yūji, you’re well aware that the feeling isn’t going to go away.   

The car is low. So low, in fact, that you have to balance a hand on the roof and slide in legs first. How does he even drive around in this metal death trap without scraping the asphalt? Your leather skirt bunches and slips further up your thighs no matter how hard you tug it lower. 

“Alright?” It’s the only form of greeting he calls out to you over the ear-splitting music. Terushima eyes your lustrous, bare legs resting in the passenger seat of his beat-up Camaro, but doesn’t bother turning down the tune. He’s not very polite, but you didn’t exactly accept his offer to be drowned in refinement, did you? 

“I’m okay,” you shout, struggling to be heard over the booming voice rapping about ‘drugs and bitches.’ Typical. “How are you?” You’re not sure if it’ll break the ice, not even sure he wants to speak at all, but anything’s better than fidgeting awkwardly in your chair with nothing but the god awful music to drown out your anxiety.

He mumbles back a simple reply, fixing his gaze on your breasts straining against the tight, low cut tank. You fished the two-piece outfit out of the depths of your wardrobe, a revealing number borrowed from a friend that you never even bothered trying on before tonight. His stare has you itching to cross your arms over your chest, but you hold out. You can’t have him thinking you’re a prude, even if it is the truth. 

His hand grips the stick shift lazily and before you know it, the engine is rumbling and you’re peeling away from the curb. Terushima’s driving is every bit as reckless as you assumed, stop signs appearing to be soft suggestions rather than mandatory decrees. The residential roads are practically deserted, but the lack of caution has your heart racing wildly all the same, fingers clutching at your seat. As the adrenaline rushes through your veins, your stomach sinks further into the frayed leather seat. 

When the music is shut off abruptly, you believe he must finally want to speak to you, perhaps even exchange pleasantries— but the next words out of his mouth are a sly, 

“Do me a favor, yeah?” You nod, before realizing his eyes are still fixed on the road ahead. It’s not like it matters anyways, because he continues on as if you had answered him. “Grab the bottle under your seat for me, princess.” Princess. It’s uttered so nonchalantly, but there’s a certain edge to his tone— the tiniest hint of a teasing lilt. You don’t like it, but logical as your brain may be, your stomach still swirls with butterflies. 

Swiping at the floor, you search until your fingers make contact with glass. Low and behold, you pull out a bottle of– 

“Smirnoff,” your eyes scan the label intently, attempting to place the emblem among the liquors you’ve seen at the country club. While you weren’t exactly expecting a water bottle— that’d be much too off brand for Terushima— you aren’t too keen on the idea of reckless and intoxicated driving. He glances towards you once, but doesn’t make a move towards the drink at all. 

Only a few seconds later, he shoots you another look, single brow raised in quiet anticipation. The long-forgotten burdens of high school peer pressure washes over you again, fingers quivering as you unscrew the cap. 

You’ve never had vodka straight out of the bottle, never had vodka in general except for when it’s mixed into your cocktails. But his expectation weighs heavy in the confined space. So, fuck it. What did you come out with him for if not to live a little? 

Nail polish remover, children’s cough syrup, and liquid fire. That’s all you taste as the lukewarm fluid glides down your throat. The burn is unbearable, but a pool of warmth oozes through your chest and your hand relaxes a bit on the edge of your seat. You don’t even realize that you’re coughing.

“First time drinking?” He offers you a lazy smirk, tone edged in ridicule. 

“What?” Holding your breath, you silently beg the itch in your throat to disappear. “No, I- I have wine with dinner.” 

The laugh that rumbles through his throat is deep and hoarse, much too loud to be laughing at your comment— and thus, is only perceivable as taunting. Even so, you can’t deny the seduction threaded into his smoky vocals, or the wire deep within your core, pulled taut and ready to snap at any moment. 

“Wine,” he snickers again. “You’re funny, you know that?” He swipes the booze out of your hands and chugs. If there’s ever a proper time to start worrying, it’d be now. But at least he stops for lights? 

Besides, you can’t say you’re not enjoying the view. Terushima’s defined jaw ruts outward with every swill, his lips puckered towards the bottle as if his life depends on it. As cautious as you should be, he’s too pretty to keep your eyes focused anywhere else; your mouth surely knows it, practically salivating at his Adam's apple, bobbing as he gulps. If you reach your hand out just a few inches, you can run your fingertips against it and–

“Gross,” he pushes the bottle back towards you. 

“Black cherry,” you counter, as if it’s an explanation for the disgusting taste. 

“Is that the flavor I nicked? Damn, wasn’t paying enough attention,” he shrugs. 

“Nicked?” Mouth agape, you stare intently at the side of his face and hope for a valid answer. 

“Bottle looked lonely, so I swiped it,” he brushes a finger at the alcohol trickling down his lip; one of your own digits twitches in envy. “Is that too criminal for you, princess?” 

So he is mocking you. The vodka must be melting your brain, because all your body comes up with in response is a wind chime of a soft laugh— an entirely foreign noise to your ears. It must be a mistake, or the music playing tricks on your hearing, because you don’t giggle. 

Still, according to Terushima’s awful pet name, you have something to prove. Not sure how else to shut him up, you opt for the easiest way out. 

“I’m not drunk enough for this.” The bottle meets your lips and liquid fire waltzes through you again. Seconds pass as you chug, the haziness of your last sip urging you to down just a teensy bit more. Just enough to get you tipsy, just enough to prove him wrong, just enough to drown out the voice in your head claiming this is a terrible idea. 

This time, you don’t cough. 

“‘Atta girl.” 

Then, you’re drinking, and he’s drinking, and the two of you are having the grandest of times. Never mind the fact that he’s consumed far less alcohol than you have, or that lines are blurring and you’re no longer able to see straight. Gone is the anxiety you were plagued with upon meeting him and the worries that shadow you day and night in your regular life. And that’s all that really matters. 

He blasts the music once again. Maybe it isn’t as terrible as you originally thought. A deep, pumping bass resonates through every bone in your body and Terushima seems to be pressing the pedals harder with every beat. 

Up you go, higher, higher— higher?

Your eyes have been scouring the mischievous man next to you so intently that you never bothered to ask where you were going. But can you blame yourself? Even now, as you round up the side of a cliff, every thought passing through your murky brain pertains to him. 

His lazy half smile that won’t drop, as if he’s keyed in on a secret that’s all his own, lidded eyes that make him look entirely apathetic and alluring all at once. Hell, even his fingers are beautiful. Slender and graceful, one hand is placed leisurely at the wheel and the other is shifting the gear stick with meticulous precision. Terushima Yūji has always struck you as raw and vulgar, but now you see there’s a sense of finesse to him as well— and of course, you’d need to be halfway into a drunken stupor to truly notice it. 

You’re shaken from your thoughts once he cracks the windows, hair whipping around violently. If you only knew the lyrics to any of these songs, you’d be singing along. Instead, you settle for kicking your legs out the window and tapping your fingers to the beat. Who cares that your fingers are moving too slowly to match the rhythm? 

Terushima says nothing at your erratic behavior, only smirks when your head leans against his shoulder and you stare idly up at him. Relief. It’s the only identifiable emotion you’re able to place in the midst of this haze. Yes, the world is foggy and black spots take over half your vision. But you hold onto that feeling— the breeze, the weightlessness. All the while, the anchor in your gut makes its home further into the sand. 

“We’re here,” he chuckles, pointing at your windswept hair when you turn to him. It’s the first time his laugh sounds genuine, bubbling up naturally instead of forced and vicious. And he’s finally looking at you; not in stolen glances, with eyes glazed over in mockery or lust, but truly looking at you. You break out of the murkiness clouding your brain to catch what ‘here’ is, only to gasp at the sight in front of you. 

He’s brought you to the very top of a cliff, overlooking the city. Cars and buildings seem nothing more than blips on a map, insects to your God-like view. 

As beautiful as they are, the dazzling lights of the world below you pale in comparison to the deity seated inches away. It’s difficult to believe that you had never once taken notice of him, though your younger self filed him away as a troublemaker—an invaluable waste of space— based on gossiped knowledge and without a second glance. 

“Y’know what I never noticed?” You’re well aware the words tumble out a whine, drawn out and a bit slurred, but proper diction is the last thing on your mind. “You’re really pretty.” As soon as you’ve said it, your face is set ablaze. Control yourself. 

“Pretty? Haven’t heard that one before,” he throws his head back and you’re struck with that gruff, raspy laugh once again.

“But you are,” you’re unable to contain yourself at all now, all proper thoughts replaced by the cut of his cheekbones, the messy bleached hair tumbling over his sleek undercut— and best yet, the tiny piece of metal prodding through his tongue and now balanced between his teeth. “A pretty bad boy, with pretty teeth, and a pretty piercing, and you texted me why?” With the hurried words, another wave of heat spikes your body. 

Perhaps his eyes brighten at your little confession, or perhaps his face gives away nothing. You can’t really tell much of anything.

“You really wanna know?” You nod hungrily at his whisper, his hushed tone teeming with temptation. Terushima creeps closer, so much so that you feel his breath fanning your face. Underneath the overwhelming scents of cigarettes and booze, he smells a bit like tea leaves. Strange, but pleasant. “Are you sure?” He’s smirking now, obviously finding your curiosity entertaining. 

At the same time, one of his hands inches towards you— cautiously, deliberately, like a predator creeping towards its skittish prey. You tremble in your seat, unsure why the proximity has your heart beating out of its chest. 

All at once, his hand shoots past you and towards the glove compartment. Terushima lets out a snicker, flashes you a brilliant set of teeth, and proudly offers you nothing: “Sorry, not tellin’ you.” 

Your slurred gripes do nothing to sway the tease, who’s now engrossed by the itty bitty ziploc baggie he pulled from the glovebox. Though your head is spinning, you yourself can’t help but feel enthralled by his movements— staring shamelessly as he sprinkles the weed onto paper. His fingers prove precise yet again as he rolls the greens into pretty little cylinders. 

Almond eyes meet yours only when he brings the wrap to his lips, gazing directly at you while his tongue slides across the paper. A chill prickles across your skin, but there’s only heat within the parked car. 

Before you know it, he’s extending a large hand towards you, silently willing you to take the first hit. Somewhere far away, you hear your own voice mumbling, ‘I don’t know how to.’ As hard as you try to put up a front, to exude sex and confidence in front of this well-versed man, you’re not quite sure you can pretend your way through this one. 

A wispy laugh, a sly comment and a wink later, two of his fingers have the joint pressed between your lips. ‘I’ll teach you,’ he promises, instructing you on precisely how to breathe. You barely register the palm fastened at your chest. Is he being a creep? Maybe he’s just trying to help. Either way, you don’t pay it much mind. 

And then, smoke fills your lungs, fills your head, fills the already-depleting air of his tiny car. You’re coughing again, but he warned you of the burn this time, and ‘besides, it’ll get you higher.’ 

You were hoping to see chalky hues of pinks and blues, but the drug does nothing but provide you with lidded eyes and a tingle that runs from head to toe. A single stroke of your finger against the leathered seat sends waves of shivers throughout your arm. Your palm splayed against your own thigh feels unfamiliar and ticklish. 

The buzz is only truly worth it when you finally turn to look at the wicked man next to you; Terushima has a slick smile dancing across his face, eyes heavy and probing you for any sort of reaction. The bleached blonde hair at the top of his head pales under the moonlight, suddenly seeming impossible to resist. When you reach out to grasp a strand, he moves quicker, gripping your fingers tightly between his. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” His low drawl is lazy, more amused than genuinely angry. But your fingers twitch beneath his grasp all the same, completely embarrassed and still itching to touch his locks. “Princess doesn't know how to ask for things politely?” You don’t have to look into his eyes to feel the smugness radiating off of him. 

“No, I-” There’s no saving face now, and he knows it as well as you do. 

“Or are you just so used to getting what you want?” Even as he taunts you, his digits thread through yours, pulling you towards him so that your hands hover over his lips. “Is this what you wanted?” 

You shake your head, but the thought of grazing his pillowy lips— of your trembling fingers exploring that tiny metal ball in his mouth— is now etched into your clouded brain. 

“No? What about here?” He trails your digits down his crisp t-shirt, stopping only when you’ve reached his midriff. You should stop, should adhere to the yellow tape bound around this entire encounter; instead, you stare at the blonde with wide eyes, tongue poking out of your mouth as you debate your answer. He breathes an airy laugh, “use your words.” 

But before you can, his lips are meshing into yours. And here are the hues of the pinks and blues you so desperately wished to see, hidden in his caress all this time. There’s heat, and heat, and more heat— and a quiet hum traveling from the very tip of your mouth to your toes, as you melt together. 

When he releases your hands, they fly towards his hair, finally tugging at the soft pieces. A simple clasp of your waist and you’re moaning into his mouth, a warm welcome for his tongue to slide in. Embers spread through the tiny space, setting your lungs ablaze far quicker than any drug could. His cool, metal piercing tickles the roof of your mouth; if you were coherent enough, you may wonder what it would feel like skimming other stretches of skin. 

But your thoughts are cotton candy melting at his touch and allowing one, singular thought: him, him, him. 

Your sugar-spun mind loses track of the time he spends pressed into you. Seconds, minutes, hours later, he finally pulls away, the long string of saliva between you the only remnant of your lip-locked endeavors. 

“It’s getting late,” his words are a whisper, a break in the heavy silence of heaving chests and spinning minds. You’d have thought the infamous heartbreaker would urge for more, and a part of you wishes that he would. But instead, he drives you back down the cliffside in silence, his hand on your thigh rooted in place, keeping you longing for another taste. 

Only when you’re coming down from the high, still a bit tipsy, do you realize you’re almost home. Terushima’s fingers still play at the hem of your skirt, stroking at the fire deep in your gut. With all his teasing, you figure you may as well make your move now. 

“You can pull over here,” you instruct, happy to have found your usual domineering voice. Perhaps it was buried under the weight of weed and wandering lips. 

“Your house is another block away,” he refutes with a grumble, but heeds your demand anyways. When he turns to you, you’re caught in that bewitching gaze, finding yourself at a loss for words yet again. “Anything else you need?” The words are laced with possibility, a dangerous challenge. But any gall you felt coursing through your veins has vanished without a trace. 

“No- I- I should get home,” your eyes drop, staring at a loose thread on his pants— and all at once, moving to leave the car. “Daddy’ll be mad if he catches me out.” The words are barely out of your mouth before he’s chuckling, repeating them.

“Daddy will be mad? You still call your father daddy?” And there’s the Yūji Terushima you thought you knew, mockery and taunts always at the tip of his tongue. You throw a weak punch against his chest, huffing in confusion. 

“What’s so wrong with that?” 

“Nothing,” He exclaims a bit too smugly, climbing out himself.

Next thing you know, you’re caught between his body and the hood of the car, sturdy arms trapping you in place. Chilled air nips at your bones; a single skim of his knee against your thigh and that cold is forgotten. You really should be at home. 

“Terushima.” It’s funny how a single word— a person’s name— can contain a thousand different meanings. You’re not even sure how you say it, questioning the inflections of your cracked voice and wide eyes. He whispers your name right back, the gleam in his eyes magnifying tenfold. 

You’re well aware he has you right where he wants you, a little bird caught in a cage, though you’re more than happy to be singing any song he asks. 

But there’s only silence as you stare at each other beneath the flickering street light. So much so, you can hear your hearts pump blood, can hear the engine of a car rumbling by, can even hear your neighbor’s pesky dog barking a block away. 

“Do you need something, or do you just like saying my na–”

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in. 

It feels different now. Perhaps your nerves aren’t frenzied, and you don’t attain euphoria with every graze. But you feel him. You can taste the smoke on his tongue as it knocks against your teeth. Black cherry floods your brain, the same flavor that drifted you up that cliffside to begin with. 

Terushima’s hands grab at your waist before you’re hoisted up and placed on the hood of the car. Gone are the lazy kisses of two heads in the clouds. His movements are quick and decisive, aggressive even. A hand roams your body, trailing under your tank and across your breasts. The other shoves aside your panties, nimble fingers circling your bud. 

A low whimper leaves you when he runs a digit across your slit. 

“Careful,” hot breath fans your lips as he chuckles, “too loud and he’ll hear us.” 

But you can’t stop your wanton mewls. Not when he dips into you, curling his fingertips to hit a spot that has you seeing stars. Not when his teeth nip at your jaw, your neck, the shell of your ear— leaving soft marks behind. And most certainly not when you can feel his cock straining against your thigh. 

“Fuck, Teru I–”  Within minutes, your entire body trembles, hands clutching at soft hair as you chase your high. 

“Tell daddy what you want,” his eyes pierce into yours, completely unashamed of his perversion of the pure term. You try to shake your head no, to refuse his order— but he simply flicks his wrist quicker, pumps into you faster. You’re so fucking close, too near the edge to care, so you simply allow the words to tumble out, 

“Daddy p-please, I want to cum.” 

A few circles on your clit, and you’re putty in his hands. The high hits you with a loud, leg-shaking cry— far more dizzying than any of the debaucheries of hours past. 

You’re flipped over without a moment to breathe, breasts rammed into the frigid car hood. Terushima pulls your skirt up with one hand, the other nudging your cheek firmly against the metal. 

Never would you have thought you’d be one for such public indecency, but the elation of your last orgasm still hasn't even completely resided. For the third time tonight, you find yourself drunk off the ambrosia of this wayward god.  

“Beg for it,” he slides his cock up your slit, coating his thick member in your slick. 

“Please Teru,” you whine helplessly. A loud slap echoes through the empty street as his hand meets the globe of your ass, the pain more shocking than painful. 

It reminds you that anyone could walk out of their homes to see you being railed against a beat up car— and the thought of one of your neighbors waking up to that sight wracks your body with a twisted pleasure. 

“What was that?” The bastard actually laughs, gruff and hearty, as you writhe against him. 

“Daddy, I need you.” And then he’s thrusting into you, pushing into the tight ring of muscle. Though he prepped you, you claw at the car, searching for any sort of relief from the overwhelming pain. 

A few snaps of his hips later, you relax as the stretch becomes bearable. He takes his time rutting into you, spreading your legs further, making sure you feel every inch of him deep inside you. 

Only when you begin bouncing back to meet his drives does he quicken his pace, a single hand gripping your waist— five finger-shaped bruises you’re sure will be evidence for days to come. You barely recognize your own voice; high-pitched wails spill from your lips, curses and pleas and cries of ‘daddy’ like a broken record on replay. 

“Look at the little slut, creaming all over me,” a particularly hard thrust sends you reeling, tears flowing freely down your face as you blabber mindlessly. “Who’d have thought the city’s very own ‘prude princess’ would be blacking out over some dick?” 

You should be ridiculed, would be utterly offended by the insult, if not for the fact that his cock has you teetering the delicate line of consciousness. Those words are precisely what send you over the edge for the second time tonight. 

“Fuck, stay right there,” a low, gravelly groan as Terushima continues pounding into you. Then, a few more prods and he’s following suit, pulling out to spill his seed all over your backside. 

Vision still spotty, you finally turn to look at the beautiful man, hoping for rosy cheeks and that soft smile you believe is a secret saved just for you. Instead you’re met with a dull frown and a look of pure apathy. 

He won’t even meet your eyes. 

“Can you walk the block or should I drive you?” Though he poses the question, the lack of his typical liveliness tells you everything you need to know about his preference: he doesn’t have one. 

Somewhere far away, you hear yourself tell him you’ll walk. Your head’s still caught on cloud nine, or perhaps it was only ever the ninth circle of hell—twisted and contorted by black cherry and rotten greens.

“Are you sure? You look a little shaken,” he laughs, that same hoarse tone you once thought charming now seeming gnarled and vicious. The taunts once endearing, now simply malicious. 

From the corner of your eye you spot his phone, unlocked and teeming with messages. A flash of a familiar black leather skirt bunching, a flip of your hair, pieces of your purity plastered across his screen for the world to see. 

You walk back home in silence. 

[speechlessxx]

I Can Keep A Secret. - 4 (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Chapter Summary: In a jealous rage, Steve accidentally says something he doesn’t mean as he discovers something personal about the reader. 

Warnings: no Clark in this chapter, slight fingering (18+ Minors DNI), nudity but not really, lots of cussing, angsty, make-out scene, shitty writing (it’s been a while i’m sorry!), AGE GAP (reader is stated to be 21 but age is just a number. call her wtv age you want). 

Word Count: ~2.7k 

again... i apologize this sucks. i haven’t written anything since like august. 

Buy me a Ko-Fi (not necessary but i’m broke, yo) 

<- Last Part -=+=- Next Part ->

Steve never considered himself a jealous man. When he was involved with Sharon Carter, he never paid any mind to the revolving door of “friends” she entertained. Truthfully, throughout the numerous relationships he’s had in his life, Steve Rogers had never been the one to be jealous.

How could he?

Steve didn’t think he was an egomaniac nor narcissistic – not in the way that Tony Stark was, at least. But he knew he was charming. He knew he was wealthy – the black cards in his Burberry wallet reminded him of that. He knew he was handsome. He knew his worth – hell, even Forbes did.

His thoughts had never been infiltrated by the ugly, green rage monster that filled his head with insecurities. That is… Until the headlines and photographs of (Y/N) Barnes’s dinner date with “America’s richest and handsomest” bachelor, Clark Kent, had made its rounds.

It was a form of self-torture as he scrolled furiously through the many posts about the two.

Dynasties Colliding!

Clark Kent off the Market?

Everything you need to know about (Y/N) Barnes, Clark Kent’s new girlfriend.

He clicked his tongue in disgust at that last article as he skimmed through it. It was obvious that the writer had a biased opinion – one so clearly against (Y/N) – as it pointed out her “college dropout” status and her “naivete” to be involved with a man ten years her senior.

He scoffed… If only they knew.

Though, Steve couldn’t help but compare himself to the younger man. Sure, Clark was richer than he was with a booming business and a company created generations before Steve was even born. His net worth pushed him much higher than Steve and Bucky on the Forbes’s listings. But surely, he didn’t have the same chemistry as he and (Y/N) did… Surely.

As if to mock him, a photo of Clark kissing her knuckles appeared on his monitor. He glared at it, fuming with hot jealousy. He hated that feeling bubbling inside as he stared at her flustered face digitally immortalized by paparazzi and fan photos.

His phone buzzed to life as the screen displayed her name… And he did what he had been doing for the past few days following the polo match, he sent it straight to voicemail, spiteful that she even entertained Clark’s request to go on a date.

Had he misread the signs? Had there been any signs to begin with? Had she played him? Was he just her happy distraction until she could find her bearings in New York?

A sharp knock interrupted him from his thoughts as Bucky’s broad shoulders filled his open office door. He had a wide smile on his face as he entered the room, closing the door.

“You read the gossip?” Bucky chuckled. A sly smirk on his face as he sat himself in the seat across Steve’s desk. Steve quickly clicked out of his tabs and raised his brows at Bucky. “With (Y/N) getting Clark interested, other investors are looking at us, too. It’s great.”

“So, you’re really using your daughter to lure business opportunities?” Steve snorted. Considering how enchanting she was, it wasn’t a terrible strategy. If Steve hadn’t gotten so attached so quickly, he’d even advise Bucky to have her stalk the airport terminals, too.

“It’s working, man. He’s interested in the company. He wants a tour. He’s talking big money. We can scrap any deals with Stark. He’s our top priority now.”

“Buck,” Steve laughed so dryly it became a scoff. “He’s not interested in the company. He’s clearly interested in her – and only her. As soon as you give the green light and she rips the cord with him, he’s gonna back out. He’s got the lawyers to make sure that any contract he signs will get voided, too.”

His tone had been hopeful although Bucky didn’t pick up on it. Bucky had just waved it off as Steve being cautious – not Steve hoping that his daughter would dump Clark and focus all her attention back on him.

“No, no.” Bucky shook his head, waving his hand, too. “She’s equally into him. Piqued her interest more than Peter did, for sure.” Steve stopped himself from rolling his eyes, knowing damn well that she was never interested in the Stark boy. “He dropped her off and she was blushing like crazy. Ran to her room and practically screamed her head off with that Wanda girl on the phone.”

Steve pressed his lips into a straight line. He didn’t trust himself enough to respond, knowing any sarcastic remark would land him in the hot seat, with Bucky asking questions he wasn’t ready to answer… or rather, didn’t have the answers to.

“Besides… y’know one contract that’s incredibly difficult to get out of?” Steve hummed. “A marriage.”

Steve choked. “Marriage? Buck, c’mon, she’s twenty-one.” Bucky nodded, taking his daughter’s age into consideration. “Marriages are definitely the easiest to get out of. Must I remind you the reason why you haven’t seen her since she was a baby?”

“Hey!”

“Besides, isn’t he too old for her?” Steve internally cringed. Suddenly, wishing he could take it back, afraid of what Bucky would say. Like you aren’t thirty-nine, dumbass?

“He’s thirty-three. She’s twenty-one. She can date whoever she wants. She’s an adult.”

“That’s dangerously permissive.” Stop talking.

“Why’re you acting like her father, Steve?” Bucky asked, raising his brows inquisitively.

“I’m just saying, Clark’s closer in age with us than with (Y/N).” Steve shrugged. “I’m just looking out for her.”

I just want her to myself.

“Well, since you’re oh-so invested in looking out for her, I’m gonna need a favor.”

»————-　♡　————-««

Out of the many things to do on a Friday night in the big city, Steve found himself walking through the threshold of the Barnes’s penthouse. He silent cursed at Bucky, who asked him to look after his daughter for the weekend. The same daughter he had been avoiding for the past week, blowing off her calls and leaving her texts unread.

Steve found Bucky’s favor to be a direct contradiction to the statement he made prior. She’s twenty-one. She’s an adult. An adult who needed another adult’s supervision as it seemed.

However, Steve understood. She was relatively new to the city, only being here for a little over a month and a half, and known for her reckless behavior back in Los Angeles – the reason why she was in New York to begin with. Although Bucky didn’t quite keep her on a tight leash, he kept on a leash, nevertheless.

Bucky had already left that afternoon, leaving the penthouse somewhat quiet save for the music coming from the hallway that led into (Y/N)’s bedroom. He cracked a smile as he approached the hall. He could hear her obnoxiously singing along to the provocative lyrics of that one song – WAP, was it?

His hand absentmindedly found its way to her doorknob, twisting the metal and pushing the door open. She shrieked as her phone fell from her hands with a thud against the floor. She scrambled for her towel that lay haphazardly on her bed, messily wrapping it around her naked body.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” She screamed over the music. 

Steve stared at her with wide eyes like a deer in headlights. Her hair was still damp, knotting and begging to be combed out. Her chest heaved as she breathed heavily. The towel did little to hide her from his hungry eyes as he fought to keep his stare at her face and only her face. She called for the Alexa to stop playing the music before running a hand through her knotted hair. 

“Steve, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Your – your dad asked me to – uh – “he was losing the battle as his eyes gave her a look over, feeling the heat rise to his face. It was not the only thing that has risen. He tore his stare away from her, scanning the room instead. “He asked me to watch over you.” Steve explained, finally finding the words.

“Like a babysitter?” She scoffed. She had been itching to see Steve, hating him just a bit for ghosting her, but looking like that? She was willing to forgive.

“Yeah…” Steve nodded.

“Well,” she smirked playfully, “since you’re baby-sitting… Why don’t you let your baby sit on your lap, huh, daddy?” She batted her lashes at him, and he instantly melted, forgetting his jealousy and spite for just a second. She reached out for him and had him sit at the edge of her bed, straddling his thick thighs. “Excited to see me?”

His resolve and pent-up angst disappeared. “You’re damn right.” Steve muttered, hand fisting her knotted hair and smashing his lips onto hers. The kiss was every bit hungry and desperate as it was passionate – like two star crossed lovers finally catching a moment alone.

She moaned into his mouth as his free hand slipped beneath her towel, which was loosening as she grinded against his strained pants. His fingers explored her slit, fumbling as he tried to find her bundle of nerves.

“I missed you,” she gasped as he found it within seconds, rubbing tight circles around her clit.

His lips left a trail of kisses along her jaw and sucked the sensitive skin under her ear, eliciting long moan from her as he played with her, relishing in her responsiveness. He felt her juices coat his fingers as he teased her hole, but the moment suddenly cut short when her phone dinged.

Once. And then a second, then a third.

She looked over her shoulder and glanced down at the screen. Steve pinched her, causing her to gasp again. “Don’t.” He warned her, his voice a deep growl.

It dinged again. “I’m gonna silent it,” she promised, pecking his lips as she hopped off his lap. “Oh,” she frowned. She ran a hand through her knotted hair before glancing at him, then typing.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked her as he stood from her bed and walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her into him.

“I… Uh… Clark wants to hang out again.” She told him.

Steve rolled his eyes though she didn’t see. “Blow him off.” He told her, leaving a trail of kisses on her shoulders, leading back up to that sweet spot beneath her ear. Her eyes rolled back before she pushed away from him. “We haven’t seen each other in days – “

“Because someone kept sending me to voicemail,” she rebutted. “I-I have to go see him, Steve. If my dad found out – “

“Then tell him you’re not into him.” Steve insisted. She remained silent as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Steve frowned. “Wait, are you – are you into him?”

“I dunno…”

“You don’t know?” He asked her. “If you’re into him, the hell are you sitting on top of me naked for?”

“Steve – “

“God, it’s like you like making yourself easy to guys.” The envy – the green, little monster that tore at his ego and his heart – suddenly rose. No thoughts were running through his head – just angry words from his mouth.

“Excuse me?” An enraged look splayed across her face. Brows furrowed and arms crossed defensively.

“Well, considering you sold pictures of yourself to total strangers – “he stopped himself before the rest of the sentence. The self-control had finally resurfaced, but the damage had been done as fury in her features mellowed and turned into hurt.

“Is that… Is that what you think of me?” She asked him, willing her voice not to crack but the tears had already begun to form. She furiously blinked them away before huffing. “Well, it doesn’t matter what you think anyway ‘cause I’m not with you.”

“And what you’re with Clark Kent?” He seethed his name.

“At least he doesn’t call me easy.”

Steve chuckled, dryly. “Bar’s set low then, huh? Says the girl who sucked me off on the airplane when we knew each other less than two hours. Wonder the things you’d do for him.” It was spite. His words were pure spite and jealousy. They held no meaning but they sure had weight. 

“What’s your problem?” She snapped. “Damn it, Steve! I like you. I really do, genuinely, but y’know it fucking sucks when the guy you like suddenly ghosts you.”

“And it fucking sucks when the girl you’re actually interested in goes on a date with some hot shot, pretty, rich boy. Probably fucks him in the back of his limo, too.”

She stomped over to Steve, shoving him with one hand while the other kept her towel from slipping off. “Get. Out!”

“No, no,” Steve argued, grabbing her arm easily overpowering her to stop pushing him. “You’re gonna answer.” She raised her brows at him. “Are you fucking him in the back of his limo? Are you that easy?”

Her jaw dropped as she stared at him in disbelief. “You’re not my dad, so that’s none of your concern.” She began to push him towards her door, and he let her this time. “And…” Her fingers tapped against the wooden door as she stared back at him. 

“It’s none of your business, but for your information, I’m a virgin.” She clicked her tongue as a smirk splayed across her face. “Won’t be for long, though. ‘Cause Mr. Kent is inviting back to one of his many lavish, expensive homes in New York.”

And with that she slammed the door shut, locking it with the new lock her father had installed.

»————-　♡　————-««

“(Y/N)…” He called out to her, knocking on her door. “C’mon, sweetheart.” It had been half an hour since their fight, and she had yet to come out of her room.

“Go away!” She called out from the other side of the wooden pane as if she were a child.

“I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean it. I was just jealous – “

“I don’t care, Steve!”

He sighed. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let’s go out for dinner, yeah? Just me and you. Whatever you want. You wanna embarrass me by making me use chopsticks? Let’s go. You wanna hit me with a bottle of champagne? Take your pick. I’m down.”

“Fuck off, asshole!”

You deserve that. He agreed.

Steve suddenly heard a click of the lock before she pulled the door open, pushing past him and he let her. She had a duffle in one hand and her phone in the other, typing away. “Where are you going?”

“Away from you,” she spat. She didn’t even spare him a second look.

“You going with Clark?”

“None of your business, dick.”

He called her full name and she stopped in her tracks, spinning on her heel to look at him with her brows raised. Steve had his hands on his hips as he stared at the floor before looking down at her. “You are not leaving and that’s final.”

“Oh, yeah?” She challenged, taking a step towards him. Her heel clicking against the ground. She crossed her arms across her chest as she tilted her head. “And what? You’re gonna stop me?”

“Don’t make me, sweetheart.”

“Well,” she smirked. “Take it up with my dad… because unlike you, he actually approves of my blossoming relationship with Clark Kent. I swear he’s already planning the wedding … while I, on the other hand, all I care about is the honeymoon… And I think we’re gonna get a head start to it, actually.”

Steve took a step towards her as she took a step back. “Stop being a little brat and just – “

“No, Steve,” she corrected. “I’m being easy. And you’re completely right… Sometimes being easy is just fun.”

He grabbed her arm before she could turn around and pulled her towards him. She bit her lip as she stared up at him with faux innocence. Her lips glistened with whatever gloss it was she used to make her lips plump as she challenged every bit of authority Steve had.

He wanted nothing more than to kiss that bratty attitude right out of her. He leaned in as her eyes fluttered close and he knew he had her. Then, suddenly, the elevator doors dinged and opened, ruining the moment. Both their heads snapped towards the guest.

“What the hell?” 

[wellhalesbells]

✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship?  yes, that.  below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back.  it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’  it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying.  i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did.  this was a fucking ROMP, period.  reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community.  mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it.  both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good.  it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly.  it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD!  why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there.  ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2?  raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af.  like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution??  i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?!  a princess winning her own hand?  find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow.  the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat!  p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow.  she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step.  i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling.  it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af.  crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver???  and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it.  such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing.  every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them.  what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada -  this made my heart hurt so damn much.  what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often??  the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow.  i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is.  the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan.  like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever.  i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people?  so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?).  this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun.  they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements.  i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole.  season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?!  it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great

[nanasarea]

Lee Jeno as your idol bf

Genre: fluff

Pairing: jeno x idol!reader

Prompt: Jeno and you being the cutest duo

Request: Can i request maybe Jeno as your idol boyfriend?

Word count: 1348

Haechan /  Yuta / Mark /  Jaemin / Chenle / Renjun / Jisung / Jaehyun

you were a new sm rookie

so you saw each other a lot

but you never actually interacted

he had his busy schedule

and you spent most of your time practicing

but you whenever you saw him

your heart went boom

we got that boom boom boom boom boom 

but his does too

he was the mc when you debuted

he stood next to you when he introduced your group

yeeun was on the other side

and he had to give you some flowers

yeeun gave your band mate some too

but that didn’t stop him from blushing 

the dreamies teased him so much

he replays the video on youtube

like 25 times

fast forward to promotions

you go on a variety show 

it’s an sm special

so a few members from nct, your group, red velvet, so on

and the mc asks you for your ideal types

jeno gets shy instantly

“are you shy because she’s here?” - renjun

*cue to Renjun’s funeral*

he just smiles 

while mentally punching Renjun

but it’s okay 

because he physically punches Haechan when he said

“bro, you’ve had this crush since she was a rookie, man up.”

at least you don’t know it’s you, right?

haha wrong

Haechan is there what do you expect

he accidentally says you name when he explains Jeno’s crush

RIP Renhyuck when they get back to the dorms

mainly hyuck tho

your members tease you for it too 

because they know you have the biggest crush on him

“Jeno, it’s okay, y/n has a crush on you t-”

you end up putting your hand over their mouth a little too late

you know how irene is like almost everyone under sm’s mom?

she ends up setting you up 

“ah, young love.” 

“irene-noona, you’re acting like you’re 50″ -jeno

“shush, child.” -irene

you stay after practice to work on your dance

just so happens that jeno also planned to practice then

so you end up showing off to each other

and flirting

very shy flirting 

because he gets flustered when either of you say anything

or do anything

he gets so red when you bring up the variety show

you end up just sitting on the floor

and talking the whole night

yes, the whole night

mark walks in to start practice

“I didn’t know anyone was going to be here this early.”

“early?”

“it’s 7am?”

cue looking at each other and getting flustered

thankfully mark came for 127 practice

yours don’t start until 3

and Jeno’s doesn’t start till 6

so you end up getting some coffee 

at this point, you’ve spent 12 hours together

but neither of you are ready to say goodbye

sure, you ran out of things to say

but was that going to stop either of you?

hahahahaha no

you end up going back to your dorms for lunch time

because both of your members were worried

and you hadn’t showered last night

and you had practice

so by this point, you needed one

but before going your separate ways

he gets your number

obviously

and you give it to him

obviously

you haven’t even been seeing each other for 3 weeks

but the fans know

the fans know everything

with like almost no proof

you go out and invite some friends to avoid a dating scandal?

they see right through it

even with hats, sunglasses and masks?

they recognize based on your height

so sm’s like “yes, they are dating, now shut the fuck up”

fans: we been knew tho

ok so remember when

chenle: jaemin mom, jeno dad

well

congrats, you’ve just adopted a whole group of chaotic crackhead

not that you mind

you love them

jisung even starts calling you his parent

casually

jaemin is like highkey annoyed

first you steal his boyfriend, now his son?

but it’s okay

because you also steal his heart

believe it or not, he’s your number 1# shipper

you were shocked but not surprised

bc like you two do be cute

going on vlive together like all the time

mainly voice only

bc “babe, i have no makeup on.”

“jeno, literally stfu, you look perfect”

“aww, babe.”

renjun throwing up in the bg

i’m not saying he would want to match 

but he would lowkey want to match

you’d end up asking jaemin to take like 879 pictures

jaemin lowkey loves it

but he still complains

you have to buy him coffee for his hard work

your ig account being filled with cute pics like

“ootd w/ babe”

you mention jsmr to him once

and he starts doing them again

even features you on one of them

he just stares at you the whole time

did you actually do a good job with the asmr?

do you think he cares?

you’re cute, 

he’s whipped,

you could scream into the mic and he’d be like

“omg, that was amazing”

whipped jeno whipped jeno whipped jeno whipped jeno whipped jeno

oh and 

did i mention whipped jeno?

your comeback teaser came out like 3 seconds ago?

he’s already watched it 5 times

screenshots every frame with you in it

fanboys

then proceeds to fanboy to you

“bABE YOU LOOK TOO GOOD, YOU’RE PAYING FOR MY MEDICAL BILL BC I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK”

daily snaps from him when you both have schedules

sometimes even from hyuck teasing him

sends a photo of jeno on his phone

with a picture of you in a thought bubble over his head

“y/n, we love you, but we need to be on stage in 2 minutes and he’s still on his phone talking to you. stop.”

so he might have bought your album like 34 times

he didn’t get your photocard

and he was going to get your photocard

sure, he could have just bought the photocard somewhere on ebay

but no, he wanted to get it in the album

he finally does and sends you a snap 

posing with the card 

40 albums in the bg

“finally got yours, babe :) “

he’s too precious

you end up rapping his verse once on tv

he has the video saved on his phone

watches it before bed

and when he wakes up

“renjun, look at this one fancam, i can’t”

“damn”

“huang rENJUN, THAT IS MINE”

jealous jeno? 

jealous jeno

he respects you and knows you’re only his

but he still gets a tiny bit jealous when you interact with other idols

hears a new rookie group member say you’re his idol type

“nOPE, BUDDY, THAT’S MY LINE”

reassuring him that he’s your one and only

you come to his concert

you sit with his 127 and wayv members

you’re expecting a cute family friendly concert

until he starts making dream show

a strip show

doyoung’s just like

“so, my son is grounded now”

johnny just nudges you and smirks

you end up blushing 

like a lot

he has a secret fan account

and so do you but shhh he doesnt know 

ends up liking a tweet on his main account

by accident

and now everyone knows

you tease him

the dreamies tease him

doyoung scolds him

and then teases him

back to him being an mc

you just had a comeback

and he secretly holds your hand behind your backs

but it’s not secretly

because everyone sees

and it’s okay

bc it’s cute af

you end up doing an sm station together

you wrote the song together

about each other

so you spend a lot of time in the studio

messing around

you try and write some lyrics

but get distracted by him playing guitar

you just stare at him

and he gets so shy when he notices

the mv is filled with cute videos of you two

there’s this one scene where he does something very cheesy

and renhyuck end up recreating it

to tease you two

but you don’t care

you’re too whipped for each other 

to sum it up: your most frequent view is his eye smile and you’re not even mad, because you’re just as whipped for him as he is for you

hi, i love jeno 🥺

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Favs of 2020 (Girls edition)

A/N: This is just personal opinion, everyone has the right to disagree. Also all title tracks are linked 

Guys version

TOP 10 OF 2020:

1. It’z Me - Itzy (Wannabe) 

All I can say is you’re lying if you don’t think this is song of the year. Everyone and their momma and their momma’s momma did the shoulder move because it’s iconic. ‘Wannabe’ was the first Itzy song I instantly fell in love with and well. I still listen to it daily. It makes me feel good and I have adopted Itzy this year. ‘That’s a no no’ is my favorite b-side on the album. 

2. Not Shy - Itzy (Not shy) 

It’s rare that a group will be on these lists twice in a row but what can I say, 2020 is the year of Itzy. I absolutely hated this song at first, but now it’s in my head everyday all day. I love the dance, the song and the music video soooooo much. Itzy really just did that this year. My favorite b-side off the album is ‘iD’ or ‘Surf’. 

3. New Rules - Weki Meki (Cool) 

Weki Meki haven’t made a song I don’t enjoy yet. However this song really influenced me to stan fully. ‘Cool’ makes me want to walk down a runway and then kick someone’s ass too. Not to mention Lua??? The whole entire album is really good and on my list to buy soon. ‘D-day’ is my favorite b-side. 

4. Look - Apink (Dumhdurum) 

I absolutely love that Apink matured but still kept true to their style. Not switching into a different concept like girl crush. I just love the elegance. I listen to this song everytime I walk my dog... so everyday. It gives me that retro vibe but it’s not in your face about it. “Be Myself” is my favorite b-side off of the album. 

5. The album - Blackpink (Lovesick girls) (How you like that) (Ice cream) 

You either love or hate Blackpink and well I love them. This album was long overdue and that might be why I love it so much, but that doesn’t matter. I still love it. I think the girls really outdid themselves with ‘Lovesick girls’ it’s quite possibly their best title track and I adore it. I like ‘How you like that’ but was unsure when it first came out, solid pre-release single nothing more. ‘Ice cream feat. Selena Gomez’ is my favorite of the 2 pre-release singles. It’s so fresh and nice to see Blackpink do something kind of different with it. My favorite b-side off the album is ‘Love to Hate me’. 

6. Alien - Suhyun (Alien) 

When I heard Suhyun was having a solo, I thought it was going to be a ballad. Something very vocal orientated but I was so happily surprised. ‘Alien’ is a colorful, different side to her that I haven’t seen before and it was so well done. She looked so pretty in the mv, the dance is fun and makes me happy, her vocals are amazing and the styling is great. Suhyun, you did good. This solo was a well deserved one. 

7. Stay Tonight - Chungha (Stay Tonight) 

No matter how hard I try I cannot do helicopter hands and Chungha is rubbing it in my face. However, ‘Stay Tonight’ it gives me runway, high fashion, clubbing in Paris. It’s everything I love in a song. The choreography is stunning, Chungha is stunning, the styling stunning. This song is a cultural reset. 

8. -77.82x-78.29 - Everglow (La Di Da) 

I want Everglow to be superheroes or super villains in a drama or something. We know they can pull it off!!!!! Aisha, the goddess can step on me. The song is absolutely amazing, the girls are absolutely gorgeous. Not to mention the choreo??? Absolutely insane. Favorite b-side off the album is ‘No good reason’. 

9. Dystopia:Lose myself - Dreamcatcher (Boca) 

One of the prettiest mv’s ever. No but the winner for me in Boca is the mixing of sounds, the rock with that instrumental in the beginning??? The way Dami comes in is the cooles entrance ever. I can’t not sing along when I hear it. Not to mention the lyrics. Dreamcatcher isn’t scared to call out people’s bullshit. My favorite b-side off the album is ‘Break the wall’. 

10. Bloom*iz - Iz*one (Fiesta) 

This song is indeed a party. Iz*one only really have Korean bangers, not too mention their styling is some of my favorite girl group styling this year. ‘Fiesta’ makes me want to get up dance and have a good time. THis is also the first album of theirs that I enjoyed inside and out. ‘Pink Blusher’ and ‘Spaceship’ are my favorites. 

Favorite Girlgroup debut: 

Secret Number

Secret Number just had whipped from the first listen “Who Dis” is just such a good song and not to mention their vocals, visuals and dancing. I’m also completely whipped for Dita the first ever Indonesian idol (I think). Their first comeback “Got that boom” is also such a party and worth checking out. 

Favorite Solo Debut: 

Lee Suhyun

As I said before, this song made it into my top 10 and well she deserves it. Suhyun deserves it all. I love ‘Alien’ I love it soooooo much. From Styling to vibes. She also just looked so happy the whole time performing. It’s just so nice seeing her so happy. 

A/N: Keep in mind these are just my favorites, your favorites may differ as they should! Let me know what your top faves are this year!

[that-rock-chick]

Love Bites

Love sucks. That's pretty much common knowledge. Combine that with addiction, money, fame, and childhood trauma and you've got a recipe for disaster.

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 2

Work is...work. I don't think anyone really enjoys their job, some days are just less shitty than others. I'm stuck with being a waitress until I make it big. Most days it feels like that'll never happen.

In all fairness, waitressing isn't always bad. I have some cool regulars and the rare but appreciated big tippers. But I have a strange feeling about today. I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I do know that today will be eventful.

"Hey, Julianna." one of my co-workers, Dylan greeted me as I walked by.

"Hi."

I could see that, at least for the time being, things at the restaurant were extremely slow so I started doing some cleaning while I still had the opportunity.

"American Girl" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers was playing over the sound system when two guys walked in. They clearly weren't regulars and they seemed to be around my age.

"I fucking love this song!" The brunette on the left exclaimed loudly. I could tell by his loud voice, slurred speech, and difficulty standing still, that he was heavily intoxicated.

Who the fuck drinks before 10 in the morning? And with my luck I'll probably be stuck with these guys while they're here.

—

And I was right! Those two guys were complete nightmares. Between the constant flirting and being groped, I don't know how I didn't break someone's jaw. Just part of my job, unfortunately.

They didn't even leave a tip. Yet they decided to write their numbers on the back of their receipt.

Definitely going in the trash. Phone numbers don't keep my fucking rent paid.

The rest of my shift went by fairly quickly. I had been counting the hours until band practice since I woke up.

When I got there, my bandmates were talking about god knows what, seemingly finding whatever it was pretty amusing.

"That's fucking hilarious." Our drummer, Veronica, laughed out.

"Hey, guys," I said as I sat my guitar case down and began opening it.

"Did any of you have any luck with the songwriting last night?" Tiffany piped up from the corner.

When the three of us groaned in unison, Tiffany had her answer.

"Well, I'd ask you the same question but I have a feeling you were preoccupied last night."

Tiffany looked taken aback by our lead singer's venom-laced words, but it's not a secret to anyone that Gwen and Tiffany haven't exactly been the best of friends lately, but they usually kept whatever they had to say to themselves so it wouldn't affect the band.

"You don't always have to be such a bitch, you know that, right?" Tiffany shot back, the spite in her voice just as clear as Gwen's.

Veronica and I exchanged glances and sighed. This won't end well.

"You didn't have to fuck my boyfriend like the slut you are, you know that, right?" Gwen's shouted response sounded more hurt than angry, but her words cut deep nonetheless.

"For the last time. YOU broke up with HIM. He and I got together before I ever met you!"

As much as I hate picking sides in arguments of this nature, Tiffany has a point.

Gwen had a habit of breaking things off with Victor over the dumbest things. Victor got tired of it and he happened to bump into Tiffany. A one-night stand turned into a relationship and she met Gwen a few months later.

Tiffany and Gwen were good friends at first. They had a lot in common, listened to the same music, and when Gwen mentioned that she wanted to be a singer, it just so happened that Tiffany and I were looking for a lead singer.

Everything was working out pretty well until about a month ago when Gwen realized who Tiffany had been talking to us about constantly.

Instead of responding, Gwen stormed out of our rehearsal space. So much for our Wednesday band practice.

Veronica ran a hand through her hair and let out another sigh before getting up and leaving through the door after Gwen.

"We don't need the whole band here to brainstorm. We'll just fill them in on any progress we make." I sent Tiffany a reassuring smile and picked up my guitar.

"I think I'm just gonna head home," Tiffany muttered dryly, heading for the door.

Looks like it's just me today. That's not really a surprise, this is how things have been for the last two weeks and it's becoming more and more stressful as I begin thinking the worst.

I'm the only one who seems to be investing time and energy into our music. Is this band really going to end over something this Fleetwood Mac drama, before we've even been together a full year?

At least the members of Fleetwood Mac could stand each other long enough to put out records.

When it comes to the band, I've found that I work best when I have at least one person in the band to bounce ideas off of. Someone to help me make sense of the things translated from my brain onto the page.

It helps the process and it makes our music feel like it was something we all created together instead of just one person. Another plus was combining our strengths. I'm pretty good with lyrics but when it comes to melodies, there's an abundance of room for improvement. Tiffany isn't the best at lyrics but she can bust out a melody like it's nobody's business.

Rather than try to come up with something on my own, I go for a walk on Sunset Strip. If inspiration doesn't strike at some point, at least the fresh air can do me some good.

Normally, I wouldn't even think to walk the strip alone at night, but after the day I've had, I'm throwing all caution to the wind. What's the worst that could happen? I'm not even going to think about answering that question.

The warm air flowing off of the pacific ocean and into the streets of Los Angeles hit my face as soon as I opened the door to the outside of the building. I'm not particularly in the mood to engage in a conversation with anyone, small talk, or otherwise, so a big part of me is hoping I don't run into anyone I know or an overly chatty stranger.

When I left, I didn't have a destination in mind, so I guess I'm going wherever my feet take me. Sometimes I forget that the strip is pretty crowded, even more so at night. It's only Wednesday so it could be a lot worse, but the traffic surely wasn't light by any means. So it's not the best location for an impromptu absent-minded walk. Of course, I go crashing into someone.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, cunt," the deep voice boomed in annoyance.

I wonder who pissed in his Cheerios.

"I'm so sorry!"

The redhead sighed and shook his head.

"Sorry, I'm Axl. Axl Rose."

The name sounded familiar, and the face looked familiar too now that I had a good look at it, but I couldn't remember where I'd heard that name or seen that face before.

"Julianna Cohn."

"Well...I gotta get goin', I'm playing the Whiskey with my band tonight. See ya around."

He went to leave but stopped himself.

"Unless you wanted to see us play?"

I thought about it for a second. I didn't have any specific plans. Sure I had never met this man in my life, but we were going to a public setting so it couldn't be that dangerous.

Probably.

Instead of responding, I began walking. I had only been to the Whiskey a Go-Go once or twice in the time that I've been in Hollywood, but if my band wants any chance of being successful, the nightclub scene is our best shot. I made it a point to memorize exactly how to get there from all directions.

It didn't hit me until we arrived that he was the lead singer of Guns N' Roses. He definitely seems like the type to name his band after himself.

Being underage and terrified of having any sort of interaction with the cops, I decided that I wouldn't try my luck at the bar and find a spot within view of the performance area instead.

This should be interesting.

[fmhiphop]

The Renaissance Of West Coast Hip Hop: E-40's Influence In The '00s

E-40, the rap legend, has been making waves in Hip Hop, especially with that West Coast vibe. As an "elder statesman" of the genre, he's been soul-searching while celebrating Hip Hop's 50th birthday. A true OG! At the ripe age of 37, and 38, E-40 released the "Ghetto Report Card." Boom! His career accelerated like a rocket on a mission. It was pure magic, baby! Not only was he part of the crunk movement, but he also rode the hyphy wave like a boss. The man was juggling "U and Dat," "Snap Yo Fingers," and more hits, taking the South and the West Coast with a bang! Now, for some funny facts! Can you imagine E-40 busting those rhymes at 37, still killing it like a smooth operator? It's like he discovered the fountain of youth, spitting fire and setting the stage on blaze. Age is just a number. He's got a whole rap legacy to look back on, and it's worth celebrating! So, what's E-40's strategy for staying relevant and strengthening his impact? How did he make an impact in not one but two hot rap movements simultaneously? He had to be twice as cool, twice as fast – and three times as fly! E-40's Rap Legend Status: How Streaming Could Have Elevated His '90s Classics Many artists would have been much more successful if streaming had been available years ago. For instance, with the ability to reach more people, it is likely that the success of his '90s classics like "Practice Lookin' Hard" and "Sprinkle Me" would have made him even more of an icon in the rap world. “Imagine if there was streaming back then when we had “Tell Me When to Go,” “Bitch,” and “Choices.” We would be diamond on each one of those records," said E-40. "I put new life into the West Coast in 2006. And that’s no ifs, ands or buts. Can’t nobody say I didn’t, with the help of Lil Jon. And not funny no more.” 50 Cent thought Juvenile's album "400 Degreez" would be laughed at these days. Yep, we can't help but chuckle at the thought! Juvenile stood next to his yellow Corvette, all shiny and polished. And what was the verdict? 50 and others laughed their hearts out, thinking he was a bit too "country." Oh, the good ol' days of rap! 50 Cent Followed Juvenile's Lead Since its release in December 1998, 400 Degreez has been certified 4x platinum by the RIAA. When the album sales numbers came rolling in, guess who was the first in line, asking for baby oil? You got it - our man, 50 Cent! It seems like Juvenile's shiny secret turned out to be a stroke of genius, and 50 was ready to shine bright like a diamond! By using baby oil, Juvenile was able to create a memorable appearance that was both eye-catching and easy to recreate, which helped to spread the word about his music and drive up album sales. 50 Cent saw the success of Juvenile's strategy and wanted to replicate it, which proved to be a wise decision as his album sales skyrocketed as well. How Rap Rivalries Pushed Artists To New Heights In the mesmerizing world of hip-hop, rappers find inspiration in the most unexpected places, often drawing from their fellow artists' unique styles and journeys. Take the iconic duo of Jay-Z and Nas, for example. When Jay-Z, another rap legend, released his classic track "Takeover," where he aimed at Nas, it sparked an epic rivalry between the two rappers. But instead of taking offense, Nas was inspired to hit back with his powerful response, "Ether." This fiery exchange fueled a creative fire within both artists, pushing them to new heights of lyrical prowess. Their mutual admiration and competitive spirit resulted in some of the most legendary diss tracks in rap history. Written by Nikiya Biggs | LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter Follow and like FMHipHop on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Spotify, and YouTube! Read the full article

[emeraldbabygirl]

ATEEZ - Answer I’ve already stated why this song made me cry when I reviewed it over the summer. To attempt to put it shortly, I feel a sense of almost relief? It makes me feel proud of the boys in general and the songs feels like overcoming an obstacle and coming out stronger and just feeling overwhelmed by joy and happiness? And the part at the end really makes me just burst into tears it feels uplifting and beautiful.

MCND - Beautiful this song give me this nostalgia feeling, it sounds similar to a pop song I first heard in middle school (Down by Jay Sean). I started listening to pop in middle school and middle school is hell for everyone along with high school but there’s certain memories I have of middle school that weren’t too bad. I had a lot of friends, we filled up an entire table in the cafeteria. It was also in middle school that I sort of confessed to both my crushes. Middle school was different and new to me and ya’know middle school but this song reminds me of those times. Also about the song itself it gives me this feeling of longing and want like longing to fall in love and just it’s very strong and that really gets to me. (Upon looking up the lyrics it’s seems more like a song for the fans rather than a love song but that’s just the feeling it gives me and the way I interpret it)

Secret Number - Got That Boom recently this song has been making me feel things. Just the chorus is so upbeat and it feel like I can relax and just dance my heart out and just be happy and I don’t know if these girls will become an Itzy situation but there’s definitely something about the song that gives me kind of a similar feeling. I feel happy

CIX - Cinema ok so I never thought CIX would have this effect on me and up until recent songs didn’t give me these feelings and make me cry unless the song itself was sad. The way it’s been lately the songs I listen to can really sit with me and make me feel emotional even if the song is happy and upbeat. The way Cinema is, I’ve never used this phrasing before with anything, but the way I cried while just listening to the bridge and chorus in Cinema, that song is truly my safe place. Like my friend said “it feels like a hug” it does. That chorus gives me a feeling of nostalgia but in a way that makes it feel okay and it’s not a feeling that’s upsets me it’s literally a hug, it’s like a warm hug it feels like, like when I listen to it the way the members make their voices sound it’s relaxing and calming. It’s like whenever I hear the song, even if I’m watching a performance of it I feel calm, I feel okay. Like every bone in my body is at ease, every worry is melting away and I’m almost just floating on a cloud. I don’t exactly know how to put these feelings and emotions into words but I cannot praise Cinema enough.

OneWe & OneUs - Last Song this song is very upbeat and makes me feel joy and it doesn’t make me feel safe persay but it’s comforting. It’s another song that gives me a sense of longing. It’s like seeing an old friend again and reconnecting, like the ending credits to a really wholesome and wonderful movie about friendship and love amoung these friends that never stops growing. Just seeing all the clips in the mv of Oneus and Onewe together having fun and enjoying each other’s company, it’s almost like an end of summer recap having all these fun adventures and fun memories that you never want to forget and you will always cherish those memories and you want to keep those friends with you forever. And seeing them perform the song together on stage, the choreo has the same vibe it’s just a really feel good and wholesome song. (Also thinking about it now there also seems to be this sadness, like, ok in short sometimes I get really upset when I think about how I’m not little anymore. More on that later but this song feels like you’re just trying to be in the moment and preserve your youth, you don’t want to grow up, you don’t want things to change you want your friends to be with you always and you just want to live in this memory that you’ve captured foever and never grow up. That emotion is really strong here as well.)

Loona - Star a lot of people said this song gave them nostalgic feels and it’s crazy how that happened, it did for me too, as soon as I heard the chorus it hit me like a truck. I really don’t have the words to describe this song really other than that weird nostalgic feeling but it was weird how a lot of us had that feeling. The mv is beautiful and it’s crazy how I had memorized the chorus in the Korean version within a few days of watching them perform it. I really don’t know what to say about this song other than how amazing it is really. It kinda takes you back to a certain time in your life but I don’t know what that time it. Someone had said that they were listening to it while their mum was a asleep and the mum dreamed she was back in her hometown and she could hear that song play in the streets, it almost seems as if that song has time traveling powers or some power truly beyond humans lmao. She’s really something

Dreamcatcher - Odd Eye this song is hella but the bridge and the hard rock in the chorus sent me into fight or flight for the first time. I got another nostalgia feeling but with an image which never happens to me but basically picture it raining hard and you have extreme feelings of sadness and dread and you just want to almost scream?

Ghost9 - Thinking of Dawn another fight or flight song, it’s really weird tho but specifically Prince’s line in the bridge or chorus gave me a panic attack the first time I heard it, there’s something about the way the song and his voice sounds that like upsets me? And makes me want to cry. (Almost like this impending doom feeling. Similar vibes actually to that cursed Artificial Intelligence movie that I fucking loathe so goddamn much)

Twice - Cry for Me gurl this song gives me nostalgia like an early 2000’s but maybe late 90’s pop song and wow, it’s just so damn good I had to put it here

Sunmi - Pporoppipiiram - this song is another one that kinda plays with my emotions, I’ve described it as running away in the night with a secret lover, I’ve talked about wanting to just have these crazy night time shenanigans with a lover or friend and feeling free, it’s a song that I can see a sunrise in my head, the opening sounds and smells like a sunrise during the summer, possibly on the beach seeing the sun’s rays lighting up the ocean, the soft pink and orange glow, what Sunmi perfectly portrays in that mv is exactly what goes on in my mind whenever I listen to that song and she’s a certified bop™️ and that song is just so lovely but she’s got some feeling to it

2Z - Not Without You - motherfuckin 2Z came out with this song after Hyungwoong left and I was still upset about him leaving but I still wanted to support 2Z cause I wasn’t about to give up on them like that and the way this song was carried was gorgeous. I clearly cried, the way the song and the members voices make you feel comforted and kind of at peace with the world. It’s an uplifting song and the member’s sound wonderfully and Zunon’s voice was actually what brought me to tears, his singing is so gentle and truly beautiful and he fits right in with 2Z and when I realized that and I realized that 2Z can do all these things with their voices I just couldn’t help but cry. This song is like a huge sigh of relief but also tears of happiness

2Z - Stand nothing really specific about this song just the mv made me fucking cry at like 5 in the am. There was a big sad feeling tho

Yooa - Bon Voyage I never expected Yooa to get a solo but I was so blown away for her solo. It’s not a song that is a bop or really upbeat but it’s a gorgeous piece and with the way it sounds and the set and her outfits. It’s really the whole fantasy theme. It takes you away to a make believe world where you are free and you can just get away and escape. I don’t really know how to describe it but the scene where she’s on like rocks and she’s just spinning and it’s got that cool sound to the song, that scene describes the feeling perfectly

Pentagon - Daisy this fucking song. First off fuck you Pentagon for making me feel emotions yet making Yuto and Hongseok go tits up. Just seeing them all on the floor looking defeated or at a loss, it’s a painful feeling. It’s a song that makes me feel bad and towards the end I felt this feeling of fight or flight like, I wanted to stop watching it because I felt this inner panic for some reason like I had to get away. And then when they all sing together that really did me in, made me tear up and it’s a beautiful song but not in a beautiful way it’s painfully beautiful and the boys did so well in portraying all the feeling through their voices and just the different scenes in the mv

BlackPink - Lovesick Girls this song I call my self proclaimed anthem, I heard it for the first some time and it wasn’t until I watched them perform it for the first time that I teared up. At the time this happened I was really sad and I kept “slipping” so I felt very touch starved and clingy and I wanted just love and affection from anyone. I was feeling really lonely and the feeling was stronger than it’s ever been it I felt like crying all the time I was just so upset that I was lonely and I really wanted love and affection and this song was like my therapy for that I guess? I didn’t feel so alone. There’s a strong emotional bond I have with this, the desire and the need to fall in love and to just have attention from that one special person. I know the song is kind of about just feeling like you’re not cut out for falling in love and you know every relationship ends but there’s still that need, that desire to fall in love and be in love with another person, and with me I always say I don’t want to be in a relationship, I hate men, love is disgusting, but there’s thing strong desire and need inside me to be loved and to fall in love and sometimes, like when this song came out, you just get so upset that it feels like your heart is like in pain, like you hurt on the inside. That whole “hurts your heart” shit

Itzy - Wannabe I’m actually not going to explain why this song makes me cry I’m not ready to give the whole story yet and I probably won’t be. So in short, I heard this song when I was at quite a low point in my life I suppose, problems at work were just causing me to truly feel like shit and this song really hit me and actually the Wannabe era is what made me stan Itzy those girls are so precious to me and I hold them so close to my heart they are little miracles honestly and that song just really sits with me

I highly recommend all these songs they are so good and they have such beautiful and great mvs to go with them, some even cinematic masterpieces also this finna be my playlist for my funeral honestly. She doubles as the ‘play this at my funeral’ playlist