#got jnto a fight probably

[flipflopmaster]

"happy birthday to me."

[xoxo-bunnydumpling]

It's finally happened. We've had a 4am Waffle House brawl.

Lyra was up very early for boob, and after feeding her I couldn't get back to sleep because Lyra decided it was wakey time. Moses woke up to meditate or whatever he does in the morning before going to work and Eli needed to pee. So we were all awake and decided to go to Waffle House. Only thing open that early, didn't feel like making anything.

We get there, get seated, immediately order our usuals, we're told there's only one cook so it might be a while. That's okay, fine, no worries.

This drunk guy comes over from the high bar, asks to hold Lyra. I chuckle a little, an odd request, and say maybe when he sobers up a little bit. I'm not being an asshole, people love babies but this guy is way too fucking drunk for me to even let him pat her head. I'm holding her, no room for a highchair really, we don't like to put her carseat on the floor...it's rude.

I'm sitting on the inside, Eli is on the outside, Moses across from us. Dude REACHES OVER ELI and tries to get Lyra out of my arms anyway. Pulls her blanket.

Eli, bless his heart, tries to calmly but firmly tell this guy to let go. But he pulls harder and Lyra starts crying. Moses has had quite enough and gets up and dude lets go of Lyra's blanket to swing on him. He's drunk enough to miss and fall...and when he stands up he tells Eli "that's my baby. I want custody. I fucked her and got her pregnant and that's my baby." (I have literally never seen this guy before in my life)

"That's my wife."

"Your wife is a slut, bro."

When you've tried to steal a man's baby and also called his wife a slut there's only one thing that can happen...you're gonna get knocked to the ground and dragged out into the parking lot. If the man you've just insulted is gigantic, you're also going to get slammed into the ground like a ragdoll.

Eli doesn't really like to fight. His tactic is to sit on this guy until he calms down. But a pair of police officers pull jnto the parking lot and stop. Eli talks to them, I can't hear what he says but then one of them comes in and ask me what happened, he asks Moses, he asks if the baby is okay and if I want to press charges. I don't...but he goes back outside and puts the drunk dude in the back of the car anyway.

Eli comes back in, checks on all of us to make sure we're okay, and sits down...oddly calm. I ask him how he is, and he's got not one scratch on him but his shirt collar is ripped. "Yeah, what? Did you think I'd lose?"

The server comes with the food, asks us if we still want it. If we want new waffles because these are probably cold by now. Pours Eli another cup of coffee.

And asks me, pointing at Lyra: "that's not really drunk guy's baby is it?"

[throwaninkpot]

Notes from the Return of the Thief launch party Q&A with MWT!

• (I meant to keep a Not Telling tally but I got distracted by all the good words Megan put together.)

EDIT: A VOD of the stream has been posted here!

• It took 20 minutes into the event to get the first Not Telling, and everyone was astonished it wasn't sooner.

• She referenced the Not Telling shirt made for her by @queensandkingsofattolia ! She wasn't wearing it, but she did have her Not Telling socks, which she would put on her hands and hold up to the camera.

• She talked about how she doesn't like suspense as a reader. She always wants the stories to get to the point instead of dragging on, so in writing, she puts light scenes in to break up the suspense. She doesn't always know what those scenes will be, she just has a feel for what's needed there. One example is when Sophos and the magus are traveling to Attolia in aCoK, when they eat the chicken. "We eat the chicken now!" was a scene that made her happy while she wrote it.

• She was asked to explain the gods and how the different pantheons work with each other, and said she never wants to explain the gods. She doesn't want them to be cut-and-dry or understandable.

• Asked about writing such complex, ruthless characters and making them likeable.

Alex (mod): Do you think [the POV characters] good? Megan: *silently presents Not Telling socks*

• Said that if you're going to spend so much time in a characters head, there has to be some part of them that you and the readers will like. And there are some people whose heads she didn't want to be in. Even the ruthless ones making terrible decisions, she does like. "Nahuseresh? Not so much."

Alex: *says something about how they've never encountered books with more poker face than QT* Megan: *big ol' grin*

• Talking about how these books have so many layers and so much suspense, Megan said a lot of that is owing to the fact it's a series and she needed to be consistent, she couldn't switch the style of it or tone halfway through. When she writes the next thing, it might be a whole different kind of book. She'll have to see whether that was just sonething distinctive to QT, or that's what she naturally gravitates towards writing.

• She mentioned that she isn't fond of 1st person narrative, and the chat collective raised a single eyebrows at the irony.

• In fact, TaT was written in 3rd person at first. But she realized that wasn't working so she scrapped that and rewrote the whole thing, bc it needed to be Kamet who was telling us the story.

• She pronounced Kamet as "Kam-et".

• When talking about the details in her books and how they go into logistics, she brought a book onto camera called Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army by Donald W. Engles. It heavily influenced the way she wrote about war and the politics thereof in QT.

• The Thief was partly inspire by a conversation she had with a young relative back during the Bush administration when Kuwait was invaded. The young relative didn't understand what the U.S. was doing in the middle east when we had so many problems to focus in our own country, and Megan explained that we weren't involved in that conflict out of the goodness of our hearts, but bc they had resources we wanted. (The way she phrased it, you could hear the magus talking to the boys in The Thief, and it gave me shivers.) And she realized, kids don't see that side of war in stories. Armies are always fighting Sauron and the forces of evil, and acting out if their own self-interests against people who might not be all bad.

• And thus, The Queen's Thief spiraled jnto existence.

• Why does she choose to write about disability and illness the way she does? Rosemary Sutcliff. Sutcliff was disabled for most of her life, and this reflected in the stories she told. Megan recalls Warrior Scarlet as the first book that challenged her as a kid to think about disability and illness as a natural part of life, and to question who gets to be at the center of the story. Who gets to be the hero? Who gets to be the hero of an adventure story? Why shouldn't characters dealing with illness or disability be those heros?

• TaT was a direct response to Sutcliff's novel Eagle of the Ninth, where an earnest young Roman soldier has these great plans for his life that get toppled when he is injured in his first battle and can no longer serve.

Megan: Costis checks every box for earnest young guy!

• In Eagle, there is a slave who travels with the protagonist and is freed by him at the end as part of the protagonist's journey. It was important to tell TaT from Kamet's point of view so that it was about him. "He is never an object of a quest, always a person."

• Megan has never read The Aeneid.

• She recommends Lavinia by Ursula K. Le Guin, which tells The Aeneid from a different POV.

• On writing process: She doesn't outline. When she has a book idea, she first tells it as a story by cornering her husband and telling him the whole thing with plenty of hand gestures. After that, she does a "sketch". She writes down the shape of the story, plotlines and characters, which is usually half the length of the finished book. Then she fleshes it out, and cuts and adds and cuts snd adds until she has pretty much a whole book, and then she edits again to cut everything that doesn't absolutely need to be there.

• She says it's important to remember you can't fix everything in one draft. You just need to focus on 20 or so things at a time, and then on the next pass you can focus on 20 other things.

• On keeping characters straight: "It's very crowded in my head." She doesn't focus so much on remembering exactly what she has written about a character before, but knowing who the character is so that she knows how they would react in whatever new situation she is writing them in.

Megan: Okay, Costis. I know this guy, I know what he's going to do. He's going to punch that guy in the face and it will be very embarrassing.

• A lot of people asked about the vampires referenced in The Thief and if they were real. She's not telling.

• Someone *cough*me*cough* Asked if she was planning a spin-off series about Eddisian vampires falling in love. "Never say never, but it's probably unlikely."

Alex: What happened to Ornon's sheep? Megan: Guys....guys......I have to put on another sock, come on, guys! *digs for her Not Telling socks and holds them up*

• On worldbuilding: You have to break with reality. It's great to research the process of how to retin pans! Adding details like that can enrich your story, but you can also add things that wouldn't have been possible in the real world. Like, pocket watches and window glass and printing presses all at the same time. The made up details also make your story richer.

Megan: Cut the research and tell a good story!

• On myths: She never writes the myths first. When she was writing The Thief, she would make a new line and type "[Myth Here]" and then go on with the rest of the story and cone back to that later.

• She recommends Ancient Near East Texts by James B. Pritchard for some good myths!

• What she likes best about DWJ: The Audacity(tm). DWJ would write about the most bizarre things very casually.

Megan: Her stories had a "hold my beer" quality.

• She told the story about hiw DWJ got her published (Alex: "She had good taste") and trying to send DWJ the advanced copy of aCoK before she died, but those stories have been retold elsewhere before so I won't bother with them now.

• Megan wore lovely, lovely earrings! And at the beseechment of the chat, she showed them to the camera and told us they were made by @freenarnian

• Finally, the winner of the trivia party was granted the honor of asking a question on camera, and Megan benevolently said she would not cry Not Telling on whatever was asked.

• Margaux, the winner, asked what the age difference was between Dite and Irene, and if they had grown up together.

• After a REAL long pause, Megan said that she didn't think they had grown up together. Irene is younger than Dite, and she was too busy, and I quote, "killing people." Her childhood ended early and she didn't have time to be a kid. Besides that, they wouldn't have been allowed to hang out in Attolian society, bc she was a girl and he was a boy. They were probably introduced to each other atvevents, but that was it.

• Also: Dite is pronounced "Die-tee".

• She has more events like this planned in the future!!!!! Keep an eye on her tumblr!!!!!

• EDIT: @whataliethatwas made a transcript of the event!

[toutallyahoe]

crowley fucking up baking with his s/o and trying to fight the flour (he gives me these kinda vibes)

I was planning a one shot with aziraphale with this one kind of idea but oh well

Crowley would definitely fuck shit up. He a damn demon damn it

This is giving me life asdfghjkkl and i have been dead inside for yearsss

⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃⁃

[Name] had to beg Crowley to help him bake

like, really beg so bloody much

Crowley was so against the idea because: 1, he can just miracle away some bloody cake and it would be the delicious cake his [Name] had ever taste. 2, Crowley doesn't eat! Maybe [Name] asling Aziraphale would be much better. And 3, CROWLEY CANT BAKE [NAME]

Crowley told those reasons

maybe vaguely because he wont admit shit

but [Name] was very determined

the [Hair color] haired human had to make a deal with Crowley

... pfft-- reminds me of these supernatural fanfics I stumbled on

but anyways, back to the good omens and shit

[Name] may or may not promised Crowley some nice cuddling sessions

and maybe a good fuck

who knows

but just know that [Name] in the end had Crowley in the kitchen

not wearing an apron because the snake demon thought he wont fuck himself up

he did

like, the baking started

[Name] was about to put the needed materials on the counter but Crowley miracled them

"I'm making your life easy [Name]"

[Name] although happy to not get THAT much work, the human is still disappointed

"No miracling from this point!"

Crowley was against it because he planned to miracle every. single. task. [Name]. will. give. him

but Crowley wasn't THAT lazy though

it's just because he has no fucking clue what to do

"But--"

"No buts!"

Crowley, although tried his best, fucked up

[Name] had to stop making the filling for the cake because Crowley cant do crap with the batter

Crowley though [Name] would give up in his fucked ups

but NOPE

his [Name] JUST HAD TO BE THIS SWEET AND PATIENT ASSHOLE

so, the icing can wait

[Name] stayed by Crowley side as he helped and gave of instructions for Crowley not to mess up

after awhile, the snake demon kinda enjoyed himself

Crowley was actually good at it

baking I mean

baking manually

after a few minutes of stirring the batter with [Name] nodding and smiling to him

then leaving for a bit as he said he was about to get ready the oven

but as the human went, Crowley still saw that loving smile

it made Crowley happy to see the human actually be this happy

Crowley didnt know why [Name] was really adamant on him trying to bake with [Name] as the human can just Aziraphale and pretty sure the angel will agree wholeheartedly

but nevertheless, it made Crowley happy

lost in his sappy moment

Crowley managed to tilt the bowl where the batter he was stirring

BAM

"ARE YOU BLOODY SERIOUS?!?"

"CROWLEY ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?"

you can guess who said who

but Crowley did managed to make the bowl of batter fall to the floor

Crowley was seething and embarrassed

for Hell's sake! can the Almighty stop making him embarrassed himself?!?

the answer to that is nah

[Name] just sighs and gently placed a hand on Crowley's shoulders

"Let's make it again, alright?"

Crowley swore if he wasnt a demon that could sense any supernatural beings, he would thought [Name] as an angel

a fucking angel that he was blessed to have as his

[Name] was back in Crowley's side and helped out again

but this time he was behind Crowley

so close and had help the demon's arm as he murmured the instruction again on to Crowley's ear

the demon's face could fight the color of his own hair from how red he was

oh my-- [Name] can you STOP BEING SWEET AND PATIENT AND ALSO BLOODY HOT SO CROWLEY COULD FOCUS?!?

[Name] was very distracting with how very close he was with the demon

so, the making of the batter was a breeze

its probably because Crowley was having a meltdown on the inside on how close [Name] and his mind just shut down and did what [Name] ordered

[Name] had noticed Crowley's unresponsive behavior and when he backed away and stood beside the demon, he just saw Crowley blankly look at the batter

like, [Name] is confused

Crowley was talking or saying anything

so, [Name], not knowing what to do and just wanting to erase that dumb look on Crowley's face kissed the demon on the check

Crowley snapped out of his stupor and processed what [Name]

face red again as the demon was sputtering incoherent sentences whille backing awhile from [Name] a bit

CROWLEY IS SENSITIVE TO AFFECTION

smol headcanon to throw btw, heaven is touch starved while hell is affection starve. you cant change my mind

okay, back to Crowley and fucking up baking

as the demon backed away

Crowley mights have wished he cleaned the floor with the messed he had made awhile ago

because he slipped

fucking slipped

"FUCKING HELL!"

THUD

who knew flour can be slippery?

Crowley did and he is both angry and embarrassed again

the Almighty is laughing her butt off on this if she's watching

she is

but back to the two

"SSSERIOUSLY?!?"

Crowley hissing at his sentences when his mad

[Name] dont know what to do

laugh or assist?

he is still human after all and he just loved how Crowley looked so fucking cute then slipping

slipping guys

why was Crowley so fucking adorable???

but Crowley was not finding the situation this humorous or adorable

in a fit of rage, he stood up and began to curse the flour on the floor

kicking and making it fly to the air

"THISSS WHEAT LITTLE THING ISSS MAKING ME FURIOUSSS!!!"

Crowley was so ready to fight a flour

a fucking flour

[Name] had to restrain him by garbbing both of his arm, pull him close jnto a hug and mutter how great he was

Crowley sighed in content

his rage slowly diminishing beacuse [Name] was just this angel of a human being to deal with his tantrum and what knot

after awhile, [Name] and Crowley continued baking

Crowley was so fucking done but when [Name] offered that he could just leave the baking to him and he sit on the livingroom couch to wait

Crowley was also against it

he may have fucked up a bit (a lot) but he didnt want to leave [Name] to do anything alone

especially this baking where he kinda fears [Name] would hurt himself in the making

so they baked

[Name] was so patient with Crowley

and the demon was so thankful for that

because he messed up more in the process of making

but in the end they did it!

Crowley actually enjoyed decorating the cake

he and [Name] had made the filling and icing while the cale was cooking in the oven

the cake almost got burned

it did but Crowley sneakily miracled it perfectly when [Name] wasnt looking because HE WANTS [NAME] TO BE HAPPY WITH THIS DAMN THING

but anyways

type cake is finished!

its decorated and have the fillings in the middle

[Name] ate a piece and had urge Crowley to taste

the demon was against it but [Name] managed to have him take a bite

it was alright

maybe not like the cakes Aziraphale and [Name] ate but it was alright

Crowley promised he'll never do this ever again

[Name] still got him to do this again

[rebelbyrdie]

SwanQueen Ficlet:  Black and White Pt 1

A ridiculous excuse to have Emma drool over Regina.  Not edited very well because I wrote it in the car.  

“What-”  Emma stabbed at her eggs.  “-the hell is this social thingy you are all excited about?”  Emma stared across the table at her parents.  They were at Granny’s and Snow was practically vibrating with excitement.  When Ruby came back over, Emma was not going to let her give Snow any more coffee.

“Oh it was a glorious tradition!  Everyone would gather and split into factions and there would be a tournament and the winner was honoroed with a ball!”

Emma blinked.  “So instead of just a normal New Years Eve Party, you want a ye olde Super Bowl?”  This had to be the dumbest thing she’d ever heard, and she lived in a town where fairytales were real.

“It was my father’s favorite event!  We were always white, of course, and we always won!”  

Well that sounded like a big ass-kissing-fest, not an actual competition.

“I’ve already got it all arranged.  We don’t even need a theme.  Regina’s already agreed to head up the Black Court!”

Emma dropped her fork.  It clanged against her plate.  Neal, two and squirming in his high chair like a crazed escape artist, threw his plastic baby fork in solidarity, then yelled out something that might have been a curse word that she definitely hadn’t said in front of him once.  She liked the kidlet, he had moxey.  He was also the only member of her family that was making any damn sense at the moment.

She looked at David.  “Dad, you really think its a good idea to have Regina play the Evil Queen?  We just got people to stop forming fu-freaking lynch mobs in town.”

David shrugged, completely useless.  “She said it was fine.  I think the town knows it is all an act.”   

He did not seem so sure.  “We never really had time for any of this, since there was a real ware between good and evil to fight at the time.”  He rolled his eyes and smiled.  “It sounds like fun.   This town could use a party.”

That was code for Snow had already made up her mind and he knew better than  to argue with her.

Her dad was the actual definition of whipped.

“You’ll love it, Emma.  We’ll all wear white and dance.  You’ll get to cheer for Killian in the tournament and give him your token.  Then you’ll wear a beautiful white gown and dance with him-”

Wait a minute.  Did Snow think?  Worse, did Killian think?  If Snow had set this all up for Killian to make some kind of grand proposal, then she was going to kick both of their asses.

She had dumped his skeevy, leather wearing, rum swilling ass two months ago.  He, and Snow, had not left her along since.  She was going to kill them.

Emma didn’t kill them.  She was starting to consider it, though.  Everyone seemed so excited, like it was the event of the century.  Even Regina didn’t seem to mind that much.  She was right there beside Snow, arranging and planning and acting like it was all fun and games.

Emma hated this Black and White bullshit more than she’d hated anything ever and she’d lived through the 90s.

Thanksgiving and Christmas flew by and before Emma could fall jnto a convenient portal to the next sane dimension, December 31st dawned bright and cold.

The high school football field had been converted into a tournament grounds.  There would be bows and arrows, swords, races, jousting and a bunch of other dangerous shit that Emma hadn’t bothered to learn about.

Henry was excited.  Snow was over the moon.  Emma wanted to be anywhere else.  It was cold.  She was bitchy.  This was stupid.  She’d already stained her white shirt by  breakfast.

They walked out onto the grass and someone, probably Dopey, was playing Queen’s We are the Champions over the loud speakers.  The gathered people in the stands (most of town) clapped, cheered and screamed for them.  Emma hated it.

Then, like things weren’t dramatic enough, the music changed.  The opening guitar licks of AC/DC’s Back in Black boomed out and the “Black Court” came onto the field.

Oh man.  Emma wanted to swear.  She was definitely on the wrong team.  

Regina did love to make an entrance.  A line of black armor clad people marched in perfect step in front, banging swords against heavy black shields.  It was, somehow, perfectly matched to the music.  Bursts of fire, courtesy of Maleficent and Lily flying over in dragon form, lit up the sky.  Coal black horses stomped in next, then split off, to reveal Regina and her “court”.

Emma’s jaw dropped and her heart-rate tripled.  She felt faint.

Regina, flanked by Zelena on the left and Kathryn on the right, looked like a dark sex fantasy come to life.

She was wearing a perfectly tailored black suit.  She’d been poured into it.  The deep v of the jacket revealed nothing but smooth sunkissed skin.  She wasn’t wearing a shirt or even a bra.  Regina wasn’t showing anything but the tease was beyond cruel.  She had her hair slicked back and her eyes surrounded by dark kohl,  Her lips were blood red.  She had the most wonderfully sinful smirk on her face.  One brow was raised, as if in challenge.  It felt like she was staring right into Emma’s soul.

Emma could hear, somewhere in the distance, that the crowd was booing.  White good.  Black bad. She was on the wrong fucking team. All of Emma’s brain power was now dedicated to remembering how to breathe.

How the hell was she going to survive all the way to midnight?