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sk1fanfiction · 4 years ago

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the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities.

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore

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ifuckinglovestvincent · 4 years ago

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NY TIMES: St. Vincent Is Trying to Understand People

As she releases her sixth album, “Daddy’s Home,” the musician expounds on the lengthy documentaries, Janet Jackson bust and Joni Mitchell album that feed her creativity.

By Olivia Horn

May 4, 2021, 10:00 a.m. ET

Despite the hardships of the past year, Annie Clark’s sixth studio album came together with remarkable ease. “Maybe I earned a fun one,” Clark, who records under the name St. Vincent, mused. “Usually there’s some kind of ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ moment. And there just wasn’t.”

Clark, 38, spent much of 2020 shuttling between her home in Los Angeles and her family’s in Texas. But the record (“Daddy’s Home,” due May 14) was born at Electric Lady Studios in Manhattan, where she and her repeat collaborator Jack Antonoff landed on 1970s New York as their lodestar. The resulting songs ease away from the angular art-pop of “Masseduction” from 2017, opting for gentler, slouchier rock. The relative softness corresponds to Clark’s effort to treat the troubled, complicated characters that populate her record with care. Among them are the broke and lovelorn protagonist of the lead single “Pay Your Way in Pain,” Nina Simone, Marilyn Monroe and her own father, whose release from prison in 2019 inspired the title track.

Clark confessed that she did not meet her quarantine goals of learning conversational Italian or writing a tour bus cookbook, but she did read some books about the gulag. Calling from her “utilitarian” Los Angeles studio, she detailed 10 of her favorite things to watch, read and hear — many of her picks reflecting a fascination with history and an eagerness to unpack social and aesthetic violence. These are edited excerpts from the conversation.

1. William Scott Sculptures

I discovered William Scott’s work through David Byrne, at his place in New York. And when we were on tour with “Love This Giant,” we went to Creative Growth in Oakland [a nonprofit that supports artists with disabilities]. I had my eye on this bust of Janet Jackson. And then when I was back, I went and bought a bust of CeCe Winans. So I have these busts in my library.

A lot of the artists whose work I collect are people who are marginalized from society in one way or another. What I like about it is that the expression feels very pure. These are people who might not have all of the tools at their disposal or the education, or any of that, but they are compelled to make work. That kind of irrepressible urge in people — that I just find so inspiring and heartening and cool. And it’s completely divorced from any of the status of the quote, unquote, “art world.”

2. Adam Curtis’s Documentary Series “Century of the Self”

The way his work has been described is as emotional history or impressionistic history. The lines that he draws between events and trends are not exactly “A plus B equals C,” but the general thesis is like, “the collective consciousness is saying this.” As a writer, I’m always trying to understand systems and understand people.

3. Ric Burns’s “New York: A Documentary Film”

I used to live in a rent-controlled place in the East Village. But it was shady how I lived there, so I was never able to get utilities in my name. I lived there for 10 years and I didn’t have the internet, so I had DVDs. I used to go to Kim’s Video all the time and buy DVDs so when I would wake up hung over and be like, “Oh, just can’t quite make it out of bed today,” I would have something to put on. If I wanted to watch something it wasn’t like “Netflix and chill.” I associate that Ric Burns documentary with being either hung over or tired or both, and watching it in my bed.

4. Joni Mitchell’s “Hejira”

This is one of those Joni Mitchell records that I didn’t hear until I was in my early 20s. Everybody knows “Blue” and “Ladies of the Canyon,” but this is when I became a Joni Mitchell fan, with a capital F. This record’s just so deep. Her lyrics are … Cubist. I’m thinking of the one where she’s like, “In the mirrors of a modern bank/From the window of a hotel room.” And it’s all wiggles, you know? It’s like water, that record. And I don’t mean to make it about me, but I feel like I can understand some of the things that Joni talks about, like the refuge of the road, or watching the world from an airplane or being in a hotel room.

5. Maggie Nelson’s “The Art of Cruelty”

This is one of those books that I picked up six times and would get through a few pages and be like, “This is really brilliant,” but it felt impenetrable at first. Then I had this one weekend where the clouds parted, and I just could see it and plowed through it. It talks about the ethics of being an artist in a way that is so brilliant, and so not orthodox or finger wagging. I think it’s one of those books you can revisit at various points of your life.

6. Her Own STV Signature Series Guitar

Part of it was inspired by Klaus Nomi’s tuxedo. And I wanted it to hit my sternum in a particular way. I am cis female, so the way that it hits the sternum and then has a little bit of a cutaway, it makes room for my breast. But just one of them. There’s only room for one! I love it. It’s the only electric that I play, with very rare exception.

I saw people’s pictures of it from the Met [in the exhibition “Play It Loud: Instruments of Rock & Roll”], because I never got a chance to go and see it in real life. Most of the time, I just kind of like quietly put my head down and work — and then every once in a while, I look up and see something that I’ve made, and it’s mysterious that it’s in the world.

7. Wim Wenders’s “Pina”

I love Pina Bausch’s work. I was really inspired by “The Rite of Spring,” where the virgin dances herself to death. There’s this one particular movement that was like, drawing your hand above your head, and then when you pull it down, your elbow goes into your stomach — sort of like you’re open and then you’re impaling yourself. It just moved me to tears. So when I worked with my friend Annie-B Parson to choreograph the Digital Witness Tour, I was like, “Can we please incorporate this?” Another big thing: I was obsessed with falling. That was another big part of the Bausch work. How do you fall and make it look violent but not hurt yourself? I’d get a rehearsal room with Annie-B and just practice falling.

8. Vintage RCA 77-D Microphone

It’s an old ribbon mic, and it just sounds so good and warm. I know these are words that might not mean that much — when people describe sound as warm, it’s reductive. But it makes things sound and feel true. I don’t mean that it has perfect fidelity. What I mean is that when you sing into this microphone, what comes back at you feels honest. My friend Cian Riordan, who mixed “Daddy’s Home,” hipped me to this mic.

9. “Hidden Brain” Podcast

There was one recently about the idea of honor culture. You know, if someone is insulting someone’s masculinity and masculinity is tied up with honor, you have to avenge that insult. A lot of these “honor societies” end up with more violence because you have to save face and there’s less ways to assimilate conflict. The premise of so much of “Hidden Brain” is that we live by the stories we tell ourselves. And as a storyteller, that idea is very liberating to me, because if we live by the stories we tell ourselves, it means that when we get new information, we can assimilate that information and tell ourselves new stories.

10. Piazza della Signoria in Florence

The first time I was there was with my mom and sisters. I remember just walking through this piazza and having a wonderful time and wonderful conversation, and really being awe-struck by the architecture and the history, and just that life was beautiful. Another time, a number of years later, I was on tour with David Byrne and we had our last show in Florence, and I remember walking through with band members and then having the best dinner of my life after. It’s one of those places where, at very pivotal points of my life, I’ve been there and only beautiful things have happened to me.

#st vincent #annie clark #interviews #i like when interviews/articles contain lil nugs no one has heard about before #such as this one with the shady living situaish in the rent controlled apt #and KIM’S VIDEO #WHICH I ALSO WENT TO WHEN I LIVED IN NY #I feel like we’d always go there to get weird obscure hard to find movies #also:#re:re: ‘warm’ think the term she is looking for is ‘like butter on tiddies’#’WELL ITS WARM’#are those m&ms ive done those #nice brain btw #🦦

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sukifans · 4 years ago

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KEEP THE CHANGE // sokka

SUMMARY: this very attractive guy comes in every night during your graveyard shift at the 24-hour diner you work at, always doing something on his laptop. he might be selling organs on the black market, but he tips, like, really well.

WARNINGS: language, mentions of sex, guns/robbery, panic attacks, generally darker themes, all characters are 20+

WC: 5.5k

A/N: anotha one. 5.5k words accidentally. i plan on doing a part 2 and maybe more at some point, but for now i just had to get this idea out

⇦ 𝘔𝘈𝘚𝘛��𝘙𝘓𝘐𝘚𝘛

Things I Know About Him:

1. He’s very attractive.

The bell above the door jingled and you looked up expecting to see an exhausted, slightly smelly middle-aged trucker like usual. When instead it was a cute guy around your age — tall, smooth tan skin, dark brown hair in a ponytail with shaved sides, wearing black joggers and a white t-shirt that showed tribal-style tattoos inked over the toned muscle of his arms — the smile you usually had to paint on for customers was genuine for once.

“Hey, how are ya?” you asked, standing from the table where you’d been rolling the cheap silverware in paper napkins.

“I’m fine, how are you?” he responded politely, shifting the weight of the backpack strap he had slung over one shoulder.

“Better now that there’s a new face in here. Just you tonight?”

“Seems that way.”

“Alright. Grab a seat wherever you’d like and I’ll bring you a menu.” You waved your hand out to gesture at all the open tables in the empty diner.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Just a coffee would be great, thanks,” he said as he made his way to a booth in the corner.

“You got it.” You moved behind the bar top to fill your pot with coffee and brought him over a chipped ceramic mug on a plate. You met his eyes when you set it down in front of him and you were almost struck frozen by how beautiful they were. They were the color of the sky on those perfect cloudless summer days when the sun seems to shine a little hotter; the color of the ocean in those tourist trap vacation agency promotional posters. You shook yourself to quickly recover, though given the opportunity you would’ve gladly stared into his eyes for the rest of your shift.

“Thanks,” he said, flashing you a small smile that revealed a peek of white teeth. The hell was a specimen like that doing in a place like this? He looked he belonged in one of those Calvin Klein ads.

“No problem. Let me know if you need something else.” You turned away when he nodded an acknowledgement as he pulled a laptop from his bag, hoping you didn’t look as flustered as you felt.

2. He takes his coffee weird.

The first time you saw him make his coffee you were horrified. You watched from behind the counter, amused at first, as he poured white sugar from the dispenser into the drink for a nonstop ten seconds. Sure, some people had a strong sweet tooth; that wasn’t too bizarre. You had to cover your mouth to stifle your irrepressible groan of disgust when he started drinking without even stirring to dissolve the crystals.

After some time it stopped being so horrifying and just became funny. You always had to avert your gaze to choke down your laughter when you spotted him crunching down on the undissolved sugar. If he hadn’t been so attractive it would’ve been creepy, but when he did it, it was... almost endearing.

3. He has money.

Every morning as the sun started rise you would turn to look at his table only to find him gone, leaving only neatly stacked dishes and a twenty-dollar bill behind. Even if he only drank coffee (total: $2.43, with tax, free refills), he would leave the bill. The first couple times he came in and did this you scanned the parking lot to look for him but it seemed like he’d vanished into thin air. After a week, you confronted him.

“You know, the coffee is only like two bucks,” you commented as you refilled his mug.

“I know,” he said.

“You’ve left a twenty here every night.”

“I know.”

You furrowed your brow. “We can give change here, y’know.”

“Keep it.”

“That’s a lot. Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He obviously wasn’t a man of many words, so you dropped it. If he had money to burn and decided to burn it on you, you’d take it. “Starving artist” isn’t just a saying, after all, and this shift didn’t exactly rake in the tips.

4. He has something either illegal or important (or both!) on that laptop.

He always sat in the same spot: a booth all the way in the corner with his back facing the wall, computer sitting close to his chest. It looked very suspicious, for someone who was probably trying not to look suspicious. No matter how many times you tried to sneak a glance at the screen while you refilled his cup you couldn’t catch anything. You’d have to practically be on his lap to see something and, well, it wasn’t that kind of establishment and you weren’t that desperately curious.

At least you knew it (probably) wasn’t some sort of freakish porn — he never wore headphones and his hands were always above the table either typing, lifting his mug, or scribbling something in chicken scratch in a worn moleskin notebook. It wouldn’t’ve been the first time someone had tried to use the diner’s free wifi for something like that. You would’ve hated to have to ban him for life.

Things He Might Be Doing:

1. Selling organs on the black market

2. Making a new-age tech startup selling GPS microchips to helicopter parents

3. Running the r/TheRedPill forum

4. Investigating conspiracy theories

5. Starting new conspiracy theories to hide The Truth

6. Solving crimes/murders online à la Don’t Fuck With Cats

7. Anonymous

8. Undercover detective trying to crack the cold case of a family member’s/close friend’s/lover’s suspicious and untimely death that was ruled an accident

9. Government whistleblower putting together a groundbreaking report

10. Robot gaining sentience and plotting uprising

11. Clone seeking revenge on his creator

12. Robot clone gaining sentience AND seeking revenge now that he can Feel

13. Studying/writing/doing a project/anything else realistic and boring

With a sigh, you looked up from your scribble-filled notepad. There he was in all his glory: laptop out, half-drunk coffee to his right, notebook under his elbow to his left, a pen stuck behind each ear and one in his hand that he tapped thoughtfully against his chin. What he didn’t realize was that the cap of the pen was off, leaving dark marks on his skin. The sight made you shake your head with a small smile. You turned to fill your pot with “fresh” (quotes added out of legal obligation) coffee for the trucker that sat at the bar top with a patty melt.

“Ah, fuck,” you heard from the corner booth. When you glanced over you saw him wiping his tongue with a handful of paper napkins, black ink all down his chin and the front of his shirt. The pen must’ve exploded while he was biting on it (a habit of his, you’d noticed). Even the trucker guffawed when he saw the mess. You headed over to his booth after refilling the other man’s coffee.

“I’d offer the Tide pen I keep in my purse, but I don’t think it’d do much for you,” you commented as you replenished his coffee. He glanced up at you with a grimace.

“I appreciate the gesture,” he sighed, huffing when he realized the napkin dispenser was empty. You scooped up the pile of ink-saturated paper.

“I’ll get a few rags.” He nodded in thanks and closed both his laptop and notebook, shoving them out of the way on the seat next to him. You brought out a couple rags soaked in warm water and wiped up the mess on the table while he scrubbed his face. Even after his skin was rubbed raw, there was a tinge of black around his mouth.

“Thanks-” his eyes flicked to the plastic name tag you wore on your chest, “-(Y/N).” He knew your name from how often he’d come in but he wanted to be extra sure.

“Sure thing,” you said, waving your hand. “I see you in here a lot but I’ve never gotten your name.” When he only hummed in agreement and didn’t provide a name you pursed your lips. “So, what is it?”

“What’s what?”

“Your name,” you giggled a little.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “It’s not that important.”

Okay, weird. Maybe he had an odd name and he was embarrassed. “If I guess it will you tell me?”

“Sure.” He visibly seemed to relax a little. So definitely an uncommon name that he didn’t expect you to guess, then.

“Can I at least know what it starts with?”

He hesitated. “An ‘S.’” You smiled.

“Righty-o, Steven. Can I get you anything else while I’m here?” You pulled out your small notepad from your apron pocket and held your pen at the ready.

“Ah, no. I’m alright, thanks.”

“Alright, Shawn. Let me know if you think of something.” The corners of his mouth quirked up into a grin at your little game as you pocketed your notepad and walked away, soiled rags in hand. When you came back out from disposing of the rags, the trucker was gone and it was just the two of you left in the diner. Soft music crackled from the old speakers hung from the ceiling and he was back to typing away. You felt a little panic in your chest — he’d been coming in every night for the past month and a half and that was the most conversation you’d ever had with him. You had your in and you couldn’t let it go to waste now.

He looked up from his screen, eyebrow quirked, when you slid into the seat across from him. “What’s up?”

You shrugged. “Nothing. Just talking to my best customer named... Sam?” He shook his head and you groaned.

“Best customer?”

“Of course. I think you singlehandedly paid my utilities this month, Simon.” You folded and unfolded a paper straw wrapper idly as you spoke.

“Ah, I see,” he nodded. “Is that all it takes to get in your good graces?”

“Pretty much.”

“Sounds like you need a sugar daddy.”

“Are you offering?” You gave him a teasing grin that made his cheeks color pink.

“I, uh-“ he stammered and you laughed.

“Seth, I’m kidding.” You rolled the straw wrapper up into a little ball and flicked it at him around the laptop screen. It bounced off his chest and he chuckled nervously.

“Right, of course.”

“So, what do you do all night on that computer, anyways?” Self-consciously, he lowered the screen and you rested your cheek on your palm, propping your elbow on the table.

“Just some work,” he answered evasively. Right, illegal or important or both — the age old question with this guy.

“At night?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Well, you work at night.”

“Because I have a day job, too. And I like nighttime.”

“Me too.”

“Which one?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

You sat back in your seat, a little embarrassed at getting carried away and prying. “Sorry, I’m just curious. I don’t have a lot of regulars on this shift and I just think you’re... interesting.”

“Interesting? How so?” He smirked in a teasing, knowing way that made your heart flutter and your face burn.

“A cute guy that comes in at the same time, every time, to do work in the middle of the night and always leaves a massive tip is pretty interesting, at least by my standards.”

He faltered. “You think I’m cute?”

“You’re alright for a nocturnal weirdo, Sebastian.” You winked and stood up, smoothing down your uniform. “I should probably get back to work. If Mack sees me sitting down with someone he’ll watch back the security footage and clock me out for however long I was here.” You jutted your thumb out behind you to indicate the cook and manager of the diner who you could both hear clanging around in the kitchen.

“Sounds like a hardass,” he said as he pulled his screen back open.

“Yeah, well...” You shrugged again. “It is what it is, y’know? Anyways, just shout if you need anything. It was nice talking to you, Shane.”

When he left at sunrise as usual, there was an extra five dollar bill on his table along with the usual twenty. You grinned when you picked it up and saw that on it he’d written down a phone number and simply signed it from “S.”

5. His name starts with S.

“What are you so happy about?” Zuko asked when he saw Sokka’s grin as he came through the door.

“What? Nothing,” he said, purposefully setting his mouth into a neutral mask. Zuko rolled his eyes and sipped his tea, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“What did you do, Sokka?”

“Nothing! What, a guy can’t just be in a good mood?”

“No,” he deadpanned. Sokka scoffed.

“Right, I forgot I was talking to the guy who hasn’t had a good mood in like ten years.”

“Thirteen, actually.” Sokka shot him a look but Zuko’s face was serious. “Just tell me what you did. You’re usually tired and grouchy when you get back in the mornings, not smiling to yourself.”

“Christ, fine,” he huffed, yanking open the fridge to get a water bottle. “I gave a girl my number. The one at the diner.”

Zuko set his tea down and crossed his arms over his chest. “You did what?”

“Look-“

“Are you fucking stupid? With what we do, you’re just out and about giving your number to random women?”

“I’m sorry, we? You just got here, Prince Pouty. I can do what I want.”

“You’re putting everyone at risk, and for what? To get your dick wet?”

“I gave her a burner number for an app on my phone and she doesn’t even know my name. No one’s at risk.”

“You’re being selfish. This is bigger than you.”

“I’m allowed to have a life outside of this bullshit, whether you like it or not.”

“If it’s such bullshit then why do you still do it? No one’s forcing you to stay up all night digging for information and hacking people.”

“I can’t exactly do anything else now, can I? What am I supposed to tell employers I’ve been doing for the last few years, sitting with my thumb up my ass?”

“That is basically what you do, isn’t it?”

Sokka slammed his hands down on the counter angrily. “You can go fuck yourself, Zuko. You have Mai-“

“Mai is for appearances only.”

“-and Aang and Katara are together, and ever since Suki...” Sokka trailed off and then shook his head. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. Just for your shitty attitude, I’m gonna take her out on a mind blowing date, and bring her back here, and fuck her on your stupid little trundle bed.” Zuko opened his mouth to respond but Sokka cut him off. “Don’t bother. I’m going home and going to bed. Tell Aang and Katara I stopped by,” he grumbled, slamming the door behind him as he left. He felt a little bad about probably waking up his sister and her boyfriend, but Zuko had been grating on his nerves since he got himself tangled up in their business and his misplaced self-righteousness about a little flirting was the last straw. The prick didn’t need to overcompensate for being Ozai’s son by meddling in his love life. He could do without that, thanks.

Sokka was still grumbling to himself as he jiggled the key in the door to his small and slightly dingy studio apartment a few blocks down from Aang and Katara’s. Once he was in, he kicked off his shoes and bag by the door, stripped down to his briefs, and flopped into bed to immediately pass out despite the slats of sunlight filtering in through his ratty blinds. As he fell asleep he couldn’t help but think of you; you and your playful banter and your pretty smile (the real one that made your eyes crinkle, not the fake one you gave to creepy travelers passing through) and your many questions that he had to carefully evade. One day maybe he’d be able to explain himself, even if it would take a while to get to that point. That is, if you gave him a chance in the first place. He couldn’t exactly blame you for turning down someone whose name you didn’t even know.

He just really hoped you wouldn’t.

The next night at the diner was as achingly slow as any other Tuesday. So far only “S” had come in and still he just sat in the corner, drinking his coffee and doing whatever he does. You had texted with him briefly once your shift ended in the morning, but you had to sleep and then get to your other job before your shift at the diner so there wasn’t much time for flirty messages. Instead, you sat at a table nearby to roll silverware, offering small smiles whenever he glanced up and met your eyes. The warmth in your cheeks whenever he smiled back was becoming achingly familiar. You vaguely wondered if your face might as well just get stuck like that.

Finally, someone new came in a few hours after midnight. He wore a ball cap and a large black jacket, hands stuffed in the pockets. You gave your usual spiel in your syrupy-sweet customer voice as you rose from the table to slide behind the counter and prep a cup of coffee for him. As you talked, you noticed he kept glancing around shiftily and had yet to remove his right hand from his jacket. There was something about him that made the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

Sokka had been half-listening to the one-sided exchange when a sharp intake of breath and the sound of shattering glass made his eyes snap to you. You stood frozen behind the counter, hands raised to your shoulders, staring at the men who held a handgun level with your chest. His stomach dropped as he took in the scene, blood running cold when your terrified gaze drifted to him and then shot back to the gun trained on you.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna need you to empty the cash drawer for me, if you don’t mind,” he said in an eerily cool, level voice that made your skin crawl. “Don’t try anything, I just want to get the money and get out. I‘d hate to have to hurt you.” You nodded, trying not to let your hands shake, as you shifted over to the register. Out of the corner of your eye you could see “S” subtly reaching for his phone, hopefully to call the police. This also caught the man’s attention and he trained the gun on him now. “Don’t think I don’t see you, pretty boy. Give me your phone.”

“Alright, man. Take it easy,” “S” said as he stood slowly with his hands up, holding his phone in one. He carefully made his way over.

“Here,” you said to distract the man. He looked over at the paper bag you held that looked like it only had a couple hundred dollars in it at most.

“That’s it?” the man barked. “I know you have a safe somewhere, you bitch. Open it and give me the fucking money.”

You stared, wide-eyed, and willed the tears welling up in your eyes to go away. “I- I don’t have a key-“

“Fucking figure it out!” he shouted, making you jump. Sokka felt white-hot anger bubbling in his chest when he saw a tear slide down your cheek as the man unlocked the safety on the gun. Without pausing to think, he leapt the last few feet between himself and the guy to knock the gun away. You screamed and ducked down when a shot fired off, but the man missed widely when his arm was hit and instead blew out one of the panes of glass at the front of the diner. Sokka kicked the gun across the floor and grabbed the man by the collar of his jacket before slamming him against the bar top. While he was winded he yanked his hands behind his back and shoved him to the floor on his stomach, shoving a knee into his kidneys.

“(Y/N), call the police,” Sokka said, trying to keep his voice calm. You peeked over the edge of the counter and then jumped up when you saw the state of the two men.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll, um- I’ll do that.” You fumbled with your phone, struggling thanks to how badly your hands shook. You screamed again when Mack burst out from the kitchen wielding a sawed-off shotgun. “Jesus fucking Christ, Mack! Took you fucking long enough to get out here, didn’t it? Poor Stanley had to take care of it!” You gestured angrily to the situation in front of you and Mack rolled his eyes with a huff.

“I was calling the cops, kid. Relax, you’re fine,” he said and you balled your hands up into fists.

“Relax?! I swear to God-“

“(Y/N),” “S” interrupted gently and you whirled around to face him. “It’s under control now. You’re okay.”

“You could’ve gotten hurt or worse and I-“

“But I didn’t. See?” He gestured to himself as Mack secured the man’s hands together with some zip ties from the back office and then to one of the barstools that was bolted to the floor. You didn’t respond to that and instead furiously wiped away the few tears that had tracked down your face.

“After you give the cops your statement, go home for a few days,” Mack said, sitting heavily in a chair that faced the man and holding the shotgun in his lap. You opened your mouth to protest but he silenced you with a hard look. “You’re shaken up, kid; can’t have you working like this. Besides, it’ll take a couple days to get insurance to replace that glass.”

You relented with a sigh and dropped yourself into a booth seat, folding your legs against your torso and resting your forehead on your knees to hide your face. You squeezed your eyes shut and sucked in a few deep, steadying breaths to hopefully push out the panic that still pierced your chest. You tilted your head up when you heard someone sit down across the table from you to see “S” giving you a concerned look. Self-consciously you wrapped your arms around your shins and pulled yourself into a tighter ball.

“Hey,” he said softly, “I know you’re okay, but are you, like... okay?”

You put your head down again and shrugged. “I guess.” You knew it was obvious to him that you weren’t, but you were thankful he didn’t push. Both of you were quiet for a few minutes and you could faintly hear sirens in the distance. All you wanted was to give your statement and go home.

“My name’s Sokka,” he said, finally breaking the silence. He drummed his fingers against the table nervously. You looked up at him again and gave him a small, watery smile.

“That’s a nice name,” you whispered with a sniffle.

Once you gave your statement and the police had taken the guy away in cuffs, you left the diner and were surprised to see Sokka sitting on the curb in front of the doors. He looked around at you when the door opened and he stood.

“You didn’t have to wait,” you said as he dusted off his pants.

“I know. I wanted to,” he said and looked you up and down. “You sure you’re alright? I can sit with you for a bit.”

You shook your head. “No, that’s okay. Thanks, though.” You both looked up at the sky in silence. The horizon was starting to fade from the inky black into a rich purple, stars still glinting above your heads. Dawn would be coming soon. Without a word, you walked side-by-side to your cars that were parked next to each other. When you popped your door open he looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he just gave you a closed-mouth smile and a small wave. You gave him an affirming head nod and slid into the driver’s seat. He waited until you drove away, car disappearing around a corner, before getting into his own.

As you walked up the stairs to your apartment, keys clutched in your hand, your heart was pounding again. Your eyes started to sting and you quickened your pace until you were practically sprinting to your door. After fumbling with the lock for a second you threw yourself inside and slammed the door shut, breath now coming in hard gasps. You slid your back down until you collapsed onto the ground. You curled yourself into a ball again, pressing the heels of your palms harshly against your closed eyes and feeling the tears spilling from them. You were not okay, you were not alright, you were not fine. Not at all.

You could barely see your screen through your tears, but you made the call anyways. It made you feel silly and weak but, God, you were so fucking scared. You just needed someone’s voice to ground you back in reality and he was the first person you thought of.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sokka.” You winced at the way your voice cracked; how it wavered.

Obviously, he noticed. “What’s wrong? Did you make it home okay?” Guilt and regret panged in your chest when you heard how worried he was. You shouldn’t’ve called, you were being stupid.

“Yeah. I-I don’t know why I’m s-so upset but I’m really f-freaked out. It’s st-stupid, I’m sorry for b-bothering you,” you whimpered to the relative stranger on the other end of the line. You screwed your eyes shut and pressed a hand to your chest; you felt like you had been sprinting and you couldn’t catch your breath.

“You’re not bothering me, (Y/N), and it’s not stupid. What happened tonight was fucked up and you’re having a perfectly normal reaction. Just take some deep breaths, okay? You sound like you’re having a panic attack.”

Doing as he said, you tried to even out your breathing to bring your heart rate out of the stratosphere. “Okay, okay. I, um- Sokka?”

“Yeah?”

“Um, this might s-sound weird, but... do you think you could, um, come over? I‘ll make you breakfast.”

“Oh, uh-“ he hesitated and despite yourself you started to panic again.

“You d-don’t have to. I-I know you’re probably t-tired. I shouldn’t’ve asked, I just don’t want to b-be alone right now.”

“Hey, hey, stop that. It’s okay, (Y/N). I just don’t want to make you, like, uncomfortable or anything. Strange guy in your apartment, and all,” he chuckled nervously. “Not that I’m... strange, or anything.”

You giggled through your tears. “Oh, you’re strange, alright; but I like that about you. Besides, I know your first name now. We’re practically best friends.”

“You know what? You’re absolutely right.” He laughed a little and the sound made you feel a bit better. “Just text me your address and I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?” The tenderness in his voice made your damp cheeks warm.

“Okay,” you sniffled. “Sokka?”

“Mhm?” You could hear him rustling around at the other end of the line along with the faint jingling of keys.

“Can you stay on the phone with me?” you asked sheepishly.

“Whatever you need, princess.” The pet name slipped so easily from his lips that he didn’t even notice. You, however, felt your face burn hotter and a twist in your belly. From anyone else’s mouth you would’ve thought you were being made fun of, but he said it so earnestly that you just felt warm and tingly, like you were talking with a grade school crush.

“What?”

“Hm?” he hummed distractedly and you cleared your throat.

“You called me princess.”

“Oh, sorry.” You hoped he was blushing as badly as you were. It sounded like he was, if one can sound like they’re blushing. “It’s just... something I call people sometimes. Habit.”

“It’s okay,” you said. “It’s nice. I like it.”

“Interesting,” he responded. You could hear the suggestive lilt to his voice and it made the corner of your mouth turn up a bit.

You used to think that Sokka was a quiet man. Now, you knew you were wrong and he had always been too heavily focused on his work those many nights at the diner to properly flaunt what a motor mouth he was. He had no trouble sitting on the phone with you while he made his way over to your building, chatting away about... something — many somethings, for that matter. The details weren’t important; all either of you cared about was his almost prodigious ability to keep your mind distracted with idle talk. Despite your state he even made you laugh a few times. You were feeling better by the time he softly knocked on your door, although your legs still felt wobbly and weak when you stood to let him in.

When he saw your puffy, bloodshot eyes and the tear tracks that shone on your cheeks he felt an odd squeezing in his chest that left him a little winded. You had changed into a large faded t-shirt and leggings, your hair loose and falling delicately around your tired face, which had been scrubbed clean of makeup. He realized this was the first time he had ever seen you outside of the context of your work. Even though you surely felt like shit, in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but think you still looked adorable. He felt a strong urge to wrap you up in a tight hug, but held off. This was still new territory for you both and he had no idea how you would react to physical affection from someone so new in your life.

You greeted him with a tiny smile and closed the door behind him. He suddenly became acutely aware of how sweaty his palms were now that he was alone with you in your apartment.

“Do you want any coffee or tea or something? Water?” you asked. “I- I started making waffles, if you want one. Or do you want something else to eat? I have-“

“(Y/N), please,” he chuckled. “You clocked out. You don’t have to serve me.”

“I know,” you sighed, twisting a strand of hair around your fingertips. “You came all the way over here, though.”

“It was less than a ten minute drive.”

“Still.” You stared at him expectantly and he rolled his eyes as he sat on your couch.

“Just make me one of whatever you’re drinking. I’m not picky.” You nodded and turned into the kitchen to prepare a second cup of lavender chamomile tea with honey. He accepted it graciously when you handed him the mug with some tourist location stamped on it. He took a sip and was surprised when he actually liked it – he had never much been one for tea. You sat down in the armchair adjacent to the couch and set your mug on the coffee table.

“Thanks, Sokka,” you murmured. He waved his hand dismissively.

“Seriously, (Y/N), it wasn’t any trouble. I’d rather be here and know that you’re okay than sit in bed and worry.”

“Not that. Well, yes; thank you for coming over, but... I was talking about at the diner.”

“What about it?”

You could feel tears pricking at your eyes again and you swallowed thickly. “You saved me. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there.”

“I’m sure you would’ve handled it.” His eyebrows shot up when you shook your head aggressively.

“He might’ve shot me before Mack came out if you hadn’t knocked his gun away. And you didn’t even have anything to defend yourself with!”

“I was okay, princess; I’ve trained in fighting in stuff. I had to do something. I couldn’t live with myself if he’d hurt you and I hadn’t at least tried to help.” At this admission, your tears fell freely again and you choked out a sob. Sokka looked panicked and he leaned forwards, fluttering his hands uselessly. “Oh, fuck. Are you okay? Did I say something?”

You shook your head. “No, no. You’re just really sweet and I’m really emotional. And tired.”

“Do you want a hug?” he offered hesitantly. You looked over at him and saw his cheeks had gone pink. With a nod, you stood from your chair and curled up with him on the couch, letting his strong arms wrap around you while you cried into his shoulder. He squeezed you tightly against his chest and said nothing. He just closed his eyes and rested his cheek on top of your head, trying to ignore his own tears that threatened to spill when he felt the way your whole body shook like a leaf.

Even once your sobs subsided to sniffles you made no move to get up. Your very bones felt heavy with exhaustion and the way Sokka held you was warm and comforting. You both eventually fell asleep like that, embracing on your couch, your mugs of tea and the bowl of half-prepared waffle batter on the kitchen counter forgotten for now.

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tianqius · 3 years ago

Text

Jang Hanseo, my personal thoughts.

As the puppet of his brother that would eventually be cast aside, Hanseo took a leap of faith to fight against the puppeteer and the strings that tied him up. While he used to be a coward that would run away with his tail tucked between his legs, he matured into a young man who could stand for what he wished for and what he believed was right. Overall, his character leaves behind a message that left many thoughts for me to ponder and write about. Buckle up, and hopefully enjoy.

(PSA:

This will be less wordy than my previous draft, which tumblr ungratefully destroyed. It's okay. You are saved from my wordiness.

PSA 2.0

This is somewhat of a character analysis. It pretty much is. I'm not perfect at character analyses, so hopefully you get what I'm trying to say. If not, my bad.)

Jang Hanseo's first impression on me wasn't that memorable. He appeared somewhat snobby, much like typical CEO rich men, but he lacked confidence. It was almost like he wasn't the one pulling all the strings - like someone was pulling his own.

Almost immediately after, he's revealed as a puppet of the real figurehead of Babel - although their identity is not revealed until a few episodes later, his interactions with his puppeteer highlight his cowardice and weak attempt to stay on their good side. His cowardice makes up the foundation of his character.

When Hanseok - the puppeteer - is revealed, his relationship with Hanseo can be examined with much more depth. Hanseok has obviously caused Hanseo to fear him, in order to prevent him from acting out of line. But Hanseo still has some bits of resilience left in him, even after Hanseok thinks he's smoothed it all out.

Hanseo is seen voicing his wishes to be free from his brother multiple times. Of course, he is afraid of what his brother might do to him, or he's fearful of what he might lose if he turns away from his brother's side. Even so, he shows enough resilience to want to break free from his brother's control.

Hanseo finds an ally in Han Seunghyuk, a friend who resembles him when it comes to cowardice. Hanseo probably knows but doesn't acknowledge that Seunghyuk is not enough to break free from his brother, but he still follows his advice and acquires the necessary means to take his brother out once and for all.

Although Hanseo has the determination, he lacks the confidence. He does a shabby job of injuring his brother, which is nowhere near a successful kill. He doesn't have the confidence to kill his own brother, which can be seen in his hesitation throughout their hunting scene. A part of him still considers Hanseok part of his family. It holds him back, which is why is he is unable to kill Hanseok that day.

His failure only makes his brother more aggravated. Hanseok is now aware that his puppet's strings are starting to become loose and thin, to the point of breaking. He reins his brother back in, using the tactics he's always used, and decides he needs to come out from the shadows.

Now, Hanseo might think that he's finally been tossed aside as a puppet. But deep down, he realizes that he's nowhere near safe yet, because he's under his brother's radar, and who knows what Hanseok might pull in retaliation for his stunt during their hunting trip. While Hanseok might talk sweetly and make him believe that he won't be harmed, both brothers know that can be changed in an instant.

Even with Seunghyuk on his side, Hanseo knows that he needs something else to grab on. His final straw.

Vincenzo Casanova Cassano.

When Mr. Consigliere intereferes with Hanseok's intitiation ceremony, Hanseo looks at him with awe. He knows that Vincenzo is the enemy of his brother, the enemy of him, but he needs to find a method to keep himself safe and free from Hanseok's iron control.

Seunghyuk's suggestion to meet Vincenzo is the lifeline that Hanseo grabs onto with his dear life. He won't let go after this.

While their first meeting is unsightly and particularly rude on Vincenzo's behalf, Hanseo most likely believes that Vincenzo is the only way he can be free. He even offers to deliver his brother into Vincenzo's hands, to which the mafia man says he doesn't interfere within family matters.

Even so, Hanseo does not give up. Instead, he becomes one of the moles that Vincenzo wisely utilizes. In some instances, his quick thinking got Vincenzo out of some sticky situations - particularly the situation with the INTERPOL. Hanseo's actions reflect his decision to follow Vincenzo and support him, which is something he may not have even done with Hanseok.

Hanseo's bond with Vincenzo is special. He regards him as a brother, someone he feels much more comfortable with than his actual brother. His bond with Vincenzo allows him to shrug off the strings that his brother placed on him, and he starts to grow out of his own shell. He begins to spread his own wings, and become more confident in his character.

When Jipuragi reunites with Wusang in court, Hanseo makes clear whose side he's on. Seated next to his "Vin hyung", he flaunts his relationship with the Italian lawyer to his associates and a very peeved Choi Myunghee. He's happy to be by his side, and he doesn't regret it one bit.

(I found this interaction between Vincenzo and Hanseo absolutely precious. They're just two brothers looking out for one another.)

To the very end, his loyalty towards Vincenzo never wavered. Even as Hanseok promised to spare Hanseo if he just followed his orders, Hanseo ignored his brother's potentially false words and retaliated - he's ready to be finally free. He knows that once he goes down this road, there's no turning back.

As Hanseo calmly says, he "will make a choice that [he] won't regret". (This is my favorite quote ever. Not even gonna lie to you.)

In his tussle with Hanseok, Chayoung becomes one of the injured. With quick thinking, Hanseo sacrifices himself and fights with Hanseok for control of his gun once more. He sets himself up as the sacrifice so his brother won't harm the other two, which is completely unlike his character thus far. Hanseo has always feared his brother and his abuse, but he now places himself in the way of bullet in order to protect Vincenzo and Chayoung.

In the end, he takes the bullet. He's free from his brother, but at what cost? His own life. It's an ending that Hanseo knows was coming.

Hanseo's character has always had to make very difficult decisions. Whether it was to follow his brother's orders, betray his brother, suck up his pride and plead to his brother for a second chance, follow Seunghyuk's advice, or even take to Vincenzo's side, Hanseo has had multiple decisions that affected his growth as a person. If Hanseo hadn't taken the leap of faith to follow Vincenzo and break free from his brother, he might've been stuck at the strings of his brother's doing for much longer. He might've died at his brother's hands as nothing more than a pawn waiting for its removal, rather than die in his attempt for freedom.

Hanseo is a character that endlessly struggled for what he wanted, and some might say he died in vain. He would probably disagree with that. While he still feared his brother, he didn't let that fear overtake him; he looked death in the eye as he was willing to sacrifice himself for his loved ones' sake. He no longer cowered in fear; he bravely stood for what he believed was right.

All in all, Jang Hanseo was not a character who died in vain. His story of redemption leaves behind a reminder to viewers that struggling may be necessary to move onto a life that is much more fulfilling; you don't always get the easy way out. Hanseo was scared, he was always scared of his brother, but he also summoned the courage to stand against his own brother, simply because he wanted to be free. He was strong enough to fight against his brother, rather than sit by and let him do what he wanted.

Hanseo didn't die with regrets. He was happy to finally be free.

#vincenzo #jang han seo #jang han seok #kwak dong yeon

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horrorslashergirl · 4 years ago

Text

Slasher OC: The Hacker

Full Name: Xander Shawn Rivera (Although none knows his real name as his killer persona)

Nickname(s): Xan, Hackerman, The Hacker, Erron, Cyber Killer, Shawty, BlueRain, Blue

Age: 30

Gender: Male

Nationality: American

Place of Birth: New York City, USA

Current Location: New York City

Occupation: As a civilian, he works in the IT department of a company; As his killer persona he is a Dark Web Criminal, Master Hacker, CEO of Online Drug and Weapon Store

Base of operation: New York

Languages: English

Appearance:

Height: 6'3

Weight: 185 lbs

Body Type: Atheltic

Skin Color: Warm Ivory

Hair Color: Black

Hair Style: He has an undercut hairstyle, much longer on the top, with bangs covering sometimes one eye

Eye Color: Smokey grey, giving off eerily serene, sometimes studiously expressionless

Clothing: As his civilian persona, Xander prefers easy clothing that doesn't attract attention, keeping the image of a boring 30s male, he opts for dark jeans, T-shirts with symbols from video games or simple graphic T-shirts, and hoodies in colors of black, dark grey or light grey, dark blue. His shoes of choice are either vans or converse, comfortable and practical. Xander's clothing could be described as nerdy.

As his killer persona, he chooses black clothing or midnight dark blue, black converse, or black high Nikes, a bulletproof vest under his hoodie, utility belt where he has his holster with the bowie knife. He wears a neon blue Purge-like mask to hide his identity, and he upgraded the mask, installing mini-video cameras close to where his eyes are so that he can record any of his murders or information in order to blackmail.

Other features: He has a dragon tattoo on one of his pectorals, a tongue piercing and he has a cock piercing right on the tip also known as Prince Albert piercing, plus his scrotum ring piercing. He also has blue braces. He also has some faint freckless on his nose and around.

Face Claim: Desmond Harrington

Weapons: Bowie Knife, Beretta 92 Gun, Wilson Combat EDC X9

Scent: He wears Dior Men Cologne Sauvage, the fragrance is announced as radically fresh, raw and noble at the same time. Top notes are Calabrian bergamot and Pepper; middle notes are Sichuan Pepper, Lavender, Pink Pepper, Vetiver, Patchouli, Geranium and elemi; base notes are Ambroxan, Cedar and Labdanum. Other notes of his scent would be tabacoo, a sugary energy drink smell.

Favorite Food: McDonalds, Subway and Burritos

Favorite Drink: Energy drinks, especially the Monster Energy Drink ones

Power/Skills:

Great knowledge in IT and hacking

Torture methodology

Driving skills

Stealth/Evasion

Skilled usage of weaponry

Bulletproof outfit

High intelligence

Manipulation

Computer skills

Murderous expertise

Skill in hand-to-hand combat

Knifesmanship

Gunmanship

Psychopathic nature

Fearlessness

Ruthlessness

Airplane Pilot Skills

History/Bio:

The man known as the infamous Hacker was long ago someone completely different.

Xander Shawn Rivera was born into a suburban neighborhood close to New York City, along with his little sister Chloe, their parents being Neil Rivera, their father who worked as a police officer of New York City, and their mother Olivia Rivera working for a company in New York into the logistic department.

Xander had a normal childhood, until when he was 14 when his mother left him, his sister, and his father for a rich man. Neil took care of the two kids, and because his mother left them, Xander started to hold a huge grudge on her, especially that his sister, Chloe told him many times that their mother would come back, and Xander got even more hate on his mother when she wouldn't come to visit them; never present for Chloes birthdays, holidays and such.

In high school, Xander was considered the biggest nerd; awkward and unsure of himself, he was a prime target for the popular kids. He wasn't the strongest in the physical department, being fairly tall for his age and a slender guy, he focused his attention more on learning, especially in the IT, technology, and robotic department of the school.

Being more captured by the cybernetic life, he spends all his free time learning how to hack, getting deeper into the Dark Web. First, he opened an online drug store and in time he started to do trafficking with dangerous weapons too. His father being at work most of the time, he had all the privacy he needed, and none had any suspicions of what he was doing, being seen as the non-interesting guy with social awkward skills.

In the last year of high school, one night while he was working, Xander received a call from the New York Police, telling him how his father was gunned down during an investigation with a drug-dealing gang.

With his father dead and his sister completely devasted, not to mention a plan for what he will do after he finishes high school, Xander came to a blocking point, and his sister left him too, to go live with their mother and her boyfriend, the rich asshole.

Being left all alone, Xander finished high school and took the job position in the USA army in the security and IT department, since all his reviews were exceptional. After a few years of working for the USA army, learning along how to fight, use weapons, and how to fly an airplane, he decided to quit, not satisfied enough with what his line of work offered him. The superiors treated him like shit and he was viewed just as their lap dog.

After he gave up on the army, he got a job at a New York company, but behind the boring nerdy civilian, Xander developed a new persona, that he earned from all around the Dark Web; The Hacker alias Erron.

Continuing with the illegal stores on the dark internet, he also got intrigued by the more horrible parts, like killing, assassins, torture, porn gore, and the list goes on.

Xander understood that there on Dark Web, he had full control of everything, it was his Kingdom and he was the King, he could be whatever he wanted there and he had all the skills and tricks... And his killer persona turned out to be one of the most wanted international criminals in and outside the USA.

Personality:

As his civilian self, Xander is an introvert to say so, not indulging himself too much in social activities, but he still shows high confidence even as his normal persona. He prefers to keep to himself, being the boring and nerdy Xander Shawn Rivera that is pretty much invisible. It's an image he chose to keep in order not to raise any suspicions of who he really is. Despite being a Master in hacking and IT, he doesn't show it when it comes to his civilian line of work. He has a quote that goes like this: 'Never show your true potential just to be a cheap showoff. Wait for the perfect moment to strike.'

As his killer persona, like most murderers in horror movies, he shares their traits. He is sneaky, intelligent, cruel, aggressive, sadistic, destructive, and brutish by nature. He has no morality, his base of operation being on the Deep Web, where he is doing business. He scops up victims in various ways; down from online dating sites, to posing as a simple seller of a car or phone; he knows what to say to find out more about his victims. Once he tracks you down, he will know everything about you; your name, age, address and even hacking your webcam to cyberstalk you, finding the perfect moment to strike.

As the Hacker, he is very confident, playful, manipulative, and always has a plan B up his sleeves, and if plan B doesn't work, well... get ready for plan C.

The biggest trick is that you don't know anything about who the Hacker is, but he knows everything about you. He is the guy that invades your privacy and knows all your secrets, using all the information against his victims or people that dare to get in his way.

The Hacker is unpredictable, ruthless when he has to be, and extremely possessive of what he owns, because he worked hard for it, and this results in another intense trait of his personality; he is a big workaholic, sometimes forgetting to sleep and eat, especially when he has a huge deal to finish.

The Hackers street smarts and charisma is unmatched and he is one of the toughest criminals to ever walk the streets of America and surfing through the dark web. As the Hacker, he finds it much easier to talk, flirt, and get close to women. It's not necessarily that he is self-conscious, because he is not, and he has an explanation for why as his civilian self he avoids getting too close to the dating game.

'I have to be boring and awkward as to not raise suspicions, besides... why would I need a girlfriend to stick her nose into my business and fuck up everything? Pussy I can find and get anytime and anywhere I want. Thank you very much, motherfucker.'

He also shows traits of narcissism or egomania, loving to be complimented for his work and achievements, hen loves to be praised and acknowledges by those around him that he is the best, which clashes when he has to put on the good civilian mask and pretend he doesn't want to gut everyone's necks around him.

A psychopathic madman with a lust for blood and to be the best in everything he does, he can be considered a big perfectionist, but not in all domains. For example, he is a lame cook and always prefers to get take-outs or food that can be heated into the microwave. He doesn't have time to sleep, much less to spend his time at the stove.

Erron is very blunt and to the point in his conversations, and won't hesitate to tell someone how stupid they are. He lacks empathy and he doesn't work like other people; he is very logical and will use his brain/mind more so than his heart.

All in all, both Xander and Erron are one and the same person, switching personalities.

Crimes:

Stalking

Terrorism

Selling illegal weapons and drugs

Torture

Grand Theft Auto

Mutilations

Kidnapping

Snuff Filming

Blackmailing

Drug/Weapon trafficking

Quotes of The Hacker:

'I see you.'

'Lets see who pays the most.'

'I got many things that may interest you. Drugs, Guns, Maybe a young woman. Lets negociate.'

'I am everywhere.'

'Yes. I got your wife. You should have seen her face when I fucked her.'

'You will never win this game.'

'You think you can catch me? The police tried for years. Good luck, pal.'

#The Hacker #Cyber Killer #Deep web #ERROR 666 #Slasher oc #Horror characters #original character

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marshmallowgoop · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, Goop! I just came across your Wolf Children post about Yuki's development throughout Wolf Children. Her personality change rubbed me the wrong way too, especially when you consider there was an easy solution. If none of Yuki’s classmates shared her interests, why didn’t she try to make friends with other kids who did? She couldn’t have been the only girl in her school to like snakes and bones. If she was, then couldn’t she just hang out with the boys instead? That's what I did in school

[In reference to this post.]

Hi!

Yeah. I’m coming at it from a western perspective, and that’s all I can really speak to, but it just strikes me as an enforcement of strict gender roles. Yuki’s tomboyishness is almost presented as something childish that she has to “grow out of” in order to become a mature woman, and it... rubs me the wrong way.

[Image description: An anonymous ask message that reads, “Hey! I just found this blog after I finished kill la kill on netflix. 6 years late to the party, I know. I have a quick question, apologies if it's been answered before. Is there any reason/significance behind Ryuko carrying a guitar case? And why do they call it a guitar case, it looks like a regular box? Does Ryuko actually play guitar?” End image description.]

6 years late to answering this message....

Unfortunately, I can’t think of any statements or design notes concerning Ryuko’s guitar case. I like to headcanon that Ryuko plays guitar, and that’s where the case came from, but I don’t believe there’s anything in canon/canon materials to back that up.

That said, there’s an interesting piece of concept art for what I think is the case in The Art of KLK Vol 2, which depicts a dog and puppies inside?

[Image description: Part of a page from The Art of KLK Vol 2, image courtesy of h0saki. At the top, there’s a sketch of the outside of Ryuko’s guitar case. Below, there’s a sketch of the inside of the case, which holds her Scissor Blade among other hard-to-define items. At the bottom, there’s a sketch of a box with a dog nursing four puppies inside. The page also includes sticker designs for the stickers that Ryuko places on the case (a “JK” sticker where the “J” resembles a sock and what looks to be a triangle-shaped badge of some sort), as well as a sketch of Ryuko’s red glove. End image description.]

I’m not quite sure what’s up with that! But it’s sadly all I got on the subject.

[Image description: An anonymous ask message that reads, “so I've been curating a Ryuketsu playlist on Spotify... and I feel you should know that a song by Ruben Studdard called "Wear Me" is a thing that exists and it's perfect. the lyrics and everything just... yes.” End image description.]

I actually wrote a thing that talked about this song (and other similar songs) a few years back!

To quote:

So I admit this isn’t something I ever really thought about before falling in love with Kill la Kill, but the concept of “wearing” someone being utilized in a romantic or sexual fashion is actually… not that unfounded.

SNSD’s song “Back Hug” takes a sugary-sweet approach to the idea. Like clothes, the singer expresses that a certain someone is comfortable to be around and that she wants to “wear” them and be with them all the time. Ruben Studdard takes a flirtier, more sensual angle in his song “Wear Me,” with a chorus that includes “Girl take me home and/Take it off just to put me on” and verses about, well, being clothes pressed up against a woman’s body. Boom! Bap! Pow!’s “Suit” takes a creepier view, repeating the lines “You’re so cute I wanna wear you like a suit/I think you’d look pretty good on me,” with additional lines of “you got the stuff to get me hot” and “I want to drape you across my shoulders/want you close to the bone.”

[Image descriptions: Three anonymous ask messages. The first reads, “I hope you're doing well, goop! miss you!” The second reads, “Hi Goop! Do you still write and analyze stuff yourself? I check in every other day too see if you posted something new because I always loved reading your posts. ☺️ No pressure though, I'm just wondering! Greetings to you and have a nice day! ❤️” The third reads, “You haven't posted in awhile (on Twitter or here), you okay?” End image descriptions.]

I’m trying to get okay-er. Thank you for checking in, and for being so interested in my stuff, second anon! I’m really touched! 😭

To tell the truth, I kind of gave up on writing in 2020. I don’t think I’ve written a real analysis in about a year.

I’m dipping my toes back into it. I have some planned stuff—if nothing else, I’ve saved a load of screenshots and even edited a video that I intend to pair with an analysis. But it’s been so long that I’ll probably be rusty! 😅

We’ll see what the future holds. But regardless of what happens, thank you for your messages <3

[Image description: An ask message from @lucyoftheabyss48 that reads, “You should watch Deca-dence! Honestly I think it goes right where BNA went wrong. I think you might enjoy it a lot!” End image description.]

I’ll add it to my list of things to check out! Thank you for the rec!

[Image description: An anonymous ask message that reads, “Do you find it lot a Little odd that Yoh Yoshinari didn't a Post BNA Finale interview or AMA?” End image description.]

I haven’t really kept up with BNA content since I finished watching the show, but with everything that happened in 2020 (and is still happening in 2021), I sadly think it’s understandable if there haven’t been many interviews about the series.

#Anonymous #lucyoftheabyss48 #replies #i think normally i'd split these up a bit more and group them but it's been so long....#i don't even think many of the folks who sent these are even checking on this blog anymore #or even on tumblr at all for that matter #but i don't like to leave things unanswered (especially if it's kindness!) so....#that said to echo what i said last year i won't be attempting to answer -everything- anymore; it's just not good for my mental health #and i'm going to try to chill 'cause me spending 5+ hours answering an ask about something i might not even necessarily want to write about #and creating a huge essay in response that no one wants to read and pushing back projects i -do- really want to work on in the process #is probably not great for anyone #but i do read everything sent to me and appreciate the kind words!#thank you for sending messages and still following this blog after so long :')#not sure when/if i'll go back to twitter because i'm more afraid of twitter even though it's tumblr where i got harassed but #i'll slowly be doing things again :)#wolf children #kill la kill #brand new animal

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dancingdimitri · 4 years ago

Text

Well, it’s officially been a year. On March 23, 2020, I unboxed the secondhand Switch we had obtained by some incredible stroke of luck, solely for the purpose of playing Fire Emblem Three Houses, and started my first ever playthrough--Blue Lions route, of course--which I affectionately dubbed “Dimitripocalypse.” I chose this name because immediately prior to actually playing the game, I was aware of several facts:

- I was somehow already in love with Dimitri. - The Blue Lions story was both 1) centered on Dimitri, and 2) tragic. - I do not handle tragedies well.

(spoilers following, obviously. And lots of introspection.)

I knew about Three Houses since its release, but waited until many months later to actually play it for a few reasons: we (“we” meaning myself and my twin, Aki) didn’t yet possess a Switch; getting our hands on a system, plus the game, was an investment of several hundred dollars; there were no Switch games other than Three Houses we had significant interest in playing at the time, and besides, we were already plenty occupied with Fire Emblem Fates and the multitude of older games keeping us entertained on our outdated handheld systems. Our original plan was to buy a Switch for our birthday in May of the year following the release of Three Houses. Once the news of an impending lockdown started to spread, though, it became apparent that if we were going to get a Switch any time in the foreseeable future, that time was now. Our in-person shopping was mostly fruitless--no Switch, but we got our copy of the game while we were out (we like our physical copies)--but by some miracle we managed to find a previously used system for sale online: in retrospect, probably one of the last ones to be sold for a very long time after that.

By restraining myself from actively seeking out fanmade content, I managed to avoid significant spoilers for Three Houses. Inevitably, though, as months passed after the game’s release, I absorbed tidbits of knowledge that happened to roll by on my social media feed. I probably learned about the general concept and organization of the game (for example, obviously, the fact that there were three houses; more specifically, that it was a tragic story, and there was a timeskip somewhere in the middle), and the names of a few characters, but my recollections of my initial phases of information osmosis are fuzzy at best by now. My earliest memory of having a cohesive thought about anything in the game was sometime around September of 2019, when I happened upon Dimitri’s post-timeskip portrait. Immediately upon setting eyes on it, my heart went: He’s the one.

I still haven’t figured out what my heart does or how it works in such tight coordination with my eyeballs, but I have this tendency to abruptly fixate on one character in a given series, thereby selecting my single, immutable favorite character for that series. Yet, even as I subconsciously judge these characters based purely on appearance, when you also factor in aspects like personality and backstory, which I inevitably learn later, I somehow manage to also have a very consistent and predictable “type.” This was exactly what happened with Dimitri. Granted, it took me until February 2020 to form a significant emotional attachment to him, to the point where I was thinking about him constantly, but I never doubted from the beginning that it was Dimitri who would be the source of my “brainrot.”

I always wonder how things might have been different if I didn’t know about Dimitri beforehand: would I still have picked the Blue Lions house, solely because blue is my favorite color? Would Dimitri still have drawn me in through his many characteristic charms? Or would I have picked a different route, a different favorite character? How many things would be the same as they are today? But then I remember one of my favorite passages from what has been my favorite manga since my adolescence: [There’s] no point in thinking about the things I could have done, because there’s no guarantee that any choice is the right one. Alas, the timeline that exists right now is the only one that I know for certain, so it’s the only one I can discuss at length.

Sometime in the months that passed between finding that portrait and the beginning of lockdown, my knowledge of Three Houses had grown more cohesive, as vague as it still was. I knew that Dimitri was a tragic character who, due to some sort of traumatic events earlier in the story, became significantly more emotionally troubled after the timeskip. Looking back, I think this ended up being just the right amount of knowledge to have about the game before I started playing, because at any given point I had the faintest idea of where the story might be going, but no clue whatsoever about how it got there, and, perhaps most importantly, I still did not know how it ended. Nevertheless, another notable reason I hesitated for so long to play Three Houses was because I knew I was faint of heart and not adept at coping emotionally with even fictional tragedy; knowing what I did about Dimitri, I assumed playing Three Houses would leave me in a significantly worse emotional state than I had before playing the game. (I already struggled with generalized anxiety, a stressful family life, and recurring nightmares.)

Fortunately, I was very wrong. Even so, with no way of knowing this at the time, I figured that a lockdown would be the perfect time to start my playthrough. I was temporarily furloughed from my day job for the foreseeable future and obviously had no plans to go anywhere or do anything, so if I was going to get emotionally wrecked and needed significant time to recover, I might as well do so while I was stuck at home anyway.

(Side note: we could have gotten a Switch Lite with much less hassle if we wanted to, but we opted against it because we wanted to utilize the large television we had in our living room at the time. This ended up being an excellent decision. Second side note: it took me a few days to figure out there was a button on the system itself for taking screenshots, but I’m too sentimental to delete my lower-quality phone pictures.)

On the first evening after dinner I played for only about 45 minutes, enough to select my house. I ended up restricting myself to playing only in the mornings after that, because I lost practically all of my sleep to speculating. I primarily remember wondering about the deeper aspects of Dimitri’s character--what kind of person was he, really? I wrote an unnecessarily detailed paragraph about all of my guesses, based solely on his dialogue up to that (very early) point in the game, synthesized with things I knew about myself. I supposed, with the reservation that these were just wild guesses, that he might be very much like me. Every last one of my guesses turned out correct.

I experienced the story roughly one chapter at a time in two- to three-hour sittings, to allow myself ample time for emotional processing. I figured I might need it, and again, I was right.

As they say, the rest is history. Writing out all of the impressions I recall from Dimitripocalypse would make this post more needlessly long than it already is, and you can gather most of those from my regular posts, anyway. For the sake of as much brevity as I can muster, I’ll skip to the most important conclusion: I’m so glad I played this game.

Again, things could have easily turned out much differently. I very nearly stopped playing the game entirely after Dimitri’s sudden outburst at Remire Village gave me a panic attack so awful that I struggled to manipulate the controllers because my hands were trembling so badly. (I would have quit then and there, but I didn’t realize what was happening until after the fact.) But, after having Aki look up the ending to the route to confirm that it was indeed happy (for Dimitri, anyway--an important distinction), I persisted, also keeping in mind another favorite quote: something about the importance of continuously making an effort to understanding someone you love, even though not understanding them is “the greatest fear.” In retrospect, with how Dimitri’s character arc continued to develop, putting in the effort to reach that understanding at that specific point in the game saved my butt and made the vast majority of what happened later much, MUCH less of an emotional slap in the face. And with how the story progressed, I needed as much free cognitive space for emotional processing as I could get. The post-timeskip reunion with Dimitri led to my first good, cathartic crying session that I could remember in probably seven years. If I remember correctly, think it lasted a total of an hour and a half.

Even with that in mind, or maybe because of it, Dimitri’s renewal halfway through the second part was the single most cathartic moment I can recall ever experiencing. With how hopelessly attached I already was to Dimitri even before knowing the grisly details of his upbringing, the development of his story felt quite literally like something chipping away at my soul. Dimitri’s second peripeteia, then, wherein he realizes his past mistakes and decides to change for the better, evoked the sensation of my soul gently being reassembled, each broken shard softly being set perfectly back into place. I’m still not entirely why a fictional story felt so much more therapeutic than any therapy I had ever gotten up until that point. Somehow, though, just by experiencing that moment, I no longer carried with me a background-noise level of emotional anguish that had, at some point, become my default state.

With all of that said, I’m not entirely sure how to start wrapping this up.

It’s been a year since I took my first fateful step into the world of Fire Emblem Three Houses. There was no way of knowing where the steps after that would take me, even if I did predict a few aspects of the story. I’m certainly happy I was wrong thinking that I would end the game in a worse place than I started. Now I’m standing here looking back, one year later, amazed at how all of these experiences culminated into the present I know today.

I was always entertained by how, when you select which house to lead at the very beginning of the game, Rhea responds with “Your heart has made its choice.” My reply is always: “Yes... yes, it certainly has.” Maybe in some alternate timeline, it is true that this path was a choice I consciously made for myself. But in my current reality, that is not the case. Somehow, my heart makes its own choices independent of the thoughts in my head, and this particular choice is just one river joining the flow of time that continues to sweep me along.

My recurring nightmares never stopped entirely, but they significantly declined in frequency and severity. Moreover, for once, I even recalled a few good dreams I had: those, for me, are rare. I can count on one hand the number of such dreams in which Dimitri unquestionably appeared. One in particular sticks out in my memory to this day. I think of it whenever I have to negotiate with my estranged mother and I resort to perhaps unnecessarily diplomatic, emotionally distant and yet affable language; when I converse with someone about how it is crucial to discern when to change what is unacceptable and when to simply accept it anyway, even if--especially if--when the thing in question is something about yourself; when I keep in mind that, as much as I’d like to care for others until all of their needs and wants are met, because it brings me joy to see them happy as much as it pains me to see them hurt, there are times when I have to care for myself first, or else I will have none of myself to give.

Oddly, or perhaps, just as it should be, this dream did start out more like a nightmare. I recall feeling very anxious. But the difference this time was that Dimitri was there. Though I seldom experience such vivid sensations in dreams that I still remember them after I wake up, this time, the physical contact our bodies made as we embraced felt real.

“Dimitri,” I murmured, though I didn’t know why, “I’m so scared.”

His response, in perfect tune with the sound of his voice in the game:

“It’s all right. I’m here. Even when I’m not by your side, I’ll always be with you.”

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem three houses #dimitri #disclaimer: using the phrase 'in love' loosely because i still identify as aro/ace #but i haven't found a different term that feels like a better fit to describe how something fills your mind #until you can't think about anything else even when you try #i'm told that's also called a hyperfixation but in this case i feel like that takes away from the emotional significance #because oh boy are there emotions involved #just not ones that are necessarily romantic

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snidgetwidgeon · 4 years ago

Text

Insurrection Recollections Series: Royal Etiquette & Funding

Zelda sighed and began distracting herself with the clouds rolling by through the large windows of the Reception Hall. About a quarter of the size of the Great Hall, it was filled with amenities for entertaining delegates, courtiers, and their guests. At ten in the morning on Mondays, however- when nothing social was ever scheduled- Governess Beatrice utilized the space to teach young ladies from the upper and middle classes in Castle Town, as well as the noble families across Hyrule, about etiquette. She was currently standing at the head of the table, which was draped decoratively in neutral linens, and decked out with just about every dish, glass and piece of silverware one could imagine; including those that featured on the tables of all the races in Hyrule. Eye-catching pops of color were provided by the matching table runner and napkins, all in complementary shades of red, but to Zelda, it seemed frilly and way over the top.

Governess Beatrice must have known, or planned herself what the display was going to look like today, because she matched it perfectly. She wore a deep crimson gown over a cream chemise with long sleeves trailing from her elbow. In her hand, she held a fan which Zelda could swear was permanently attached to her body if it weren’t for the fact that it always changed to align with her elaborate ensembles. She was also partial to big hair and small hats.

As she droned on, Zelda went further into her daydream and thought she could see the Royal Crest in the clouds. Perhaps it was a sign from Hylia. Maybe if she prayed now, the power would come to her. What if she didn’t even need her robe, heirloom jewelry, or to be penitent before Hylia’s statue? Maybe she just needed to be open to celestial signs in the clouds. She clasped her hands under the table and moved her lips silently in prayer, eyes locked on the crest that had already begun to morph out of shape.

“Princess Zelda? Princess, may I have your attention please?” After no answer, Beatrice smacked her fan on the edge of the table. “Princess Zelda! Pray tell, what is so important that you are ignoring my class?”

Zelda snapped out of her focus and looked sadly at her instructor, “I thought I had received a sign from the Goddess.” She looked down at her hands, “But she has not answered my prayer.”

Beatrice was taken aback, reprimands dying on her tongue. “I see.” She did feel somewhat sympathetic, though still frustrated. When Zelda had first joined her classes, she been instructed to allow the Princess to seek the divine if she felt naturally inclined. After recalling the directive, Beatrice opened the fan with the flick of her wrist and offered graciously, “Perhaps your Highness would like to retire to the chapel to continue communing with Hylia?”

Zelda closed her eyes and nodded wistfully.

“Very well then, you may be excused.” Beatrice clipped.

Zelda stood and elegantly held her hands in front of her the way she knew Governess Beatrice liked. When she stepped away from the table, an attendant skillfully blending into the wall nearby, approached to push her vacated chair back in. They immediately returned to their position of observation.

Before she made her way out, she made a request. “Governess Beatrice, could Lady Agitha please accompany me?”

The two were inseparable, Beatrice noted, and the lesson was nearly done so she couldn’t see too much harm in it. “Lady Agitha, you may join the Princess. I expect you both to be diligent and learn from your peers what you’ve missed. Perhaps you can invite some of them to tea before Thursday.”

Agitha had leapt from her chair and practically scurried over to Zelda. She hadn’t yet grasped the finer points of subversion.

Beatrice clapped her hands, “Ah, ah! Girls... decorum.”

Zelda gave Agitha a look to ‘cut-it-out’ and took her friend’s arm in her own. They departed, Zelda’s steady steps guiding Agitha’s giddy ones.

~~~

It had been a few months of constant tedium and Zelda found that she could not always sealshit her way out of it. Twice a week, they learned how to speak, walk, stand, sit, breath, and exist as a lady. If it had to be done, there was a proper way to do everything, even blow your nose. But no one ever dared break wind. As far as Governess Beatrice was concerned, ladies did not poot.

Zelda’s eleventh birthday was approaching and Beatrice was using the event as a reason for the girls to begin perfecting their curtsies. First, they began by learning basic form. Once the general sweep of the leg, the dip of the head, and suspension of the arm was well practiced, she started to demonstrate the different levels one observed for varying degrees of rank. Zelda had been exposed to this all her life but Governess Beatrice was exceptionally exacting and expected nothing less than perfect preciseness. She thought of attempting escape again but she’d already done it twice this month. Anything more would surely attract suspicion.

Just as she started to feel a brain melt coming on after the fiftieth-odd curtsy, the Governess called an end to their lesson for that day. She entreated them to practice before later in the week when they would continue, and her excitement was practically terrifying when she announced they’d be presented with a varied wardrobe to study with. The morning was sure to be overflowing with petticoats, laces and frills.

Zelda wondered if she could play sick, or hide in the library. She much preferred it there, and recently she had managed to make a friend with an acquaintance of the Head Librarian Laslin. Her name was Impa and she had come to Castle Town recently with her older sister from Kakariko Village up in the Necluda mountains. They were here to research Ancient Sheikah Technology and were apparently already well informed on the subject. Zelda didn’t know much beyond the fact that the Astral Observatory was Sheikah. She adored that part of the castle and held dear a few faint, but very warm memories of her mother teaching her about the constellations.

“I’ll say it one more time ladies. You’d do well to practice on your own because we will be staying on this until you have all transformed into elegant herons.” She finished in the sing song voice that she thought made her seem nice, but really just grated on everyone’s nerves.

Zelda’s legs were so sore the following week after the extra curtsy lessons that it reminded her of the time she had tried ballet. The stiffness of her thighs made everything difficult, even using the lavatory; especially in her court dress. She smoothed the skirts and made sure everything was back in place before returning to the high tea being held in the courtyards. She was hoping she could get away with doing nothing more than sit and look pleasant for the rest of the afternoon, but just as she made herself comfortable under the pavilion, Governess Beatrice announced that they would be taking a stroll through the gardens.

Zelda sighed and rolled her eyes, which her friend Agitha had seen and giggled. She came to join Zelda as the sore Princess got up again and took her arm. “It’s better if you keep walking around you know,” she imparted as if she was full of infinite wisdom.

“How do you know that?” Zelda asked skeptically.

“Because my older brother told me. He goes on lots of adventures.” She paused as they both received parasols upon entry to the gardens, and ignored Beatrice’s spiel extolling the virtues of parasols. “He gets to do all the fun things with father while I have to stay here ‘because it’s tradition’,” she quoted her mother in a mocking voice.

“I thought brothers were no-good troublemakers.” Zelda stated with an air of query.

“Mine’s ok... most of the time.” Agitha laughed at her own joke while Zelda smiled, then continued, “When we’re both at home he helps me to find the best bugs.”

Zelda halted in shock and pulled Agitha to the side of the path so the other girls could pass. She whispered excitedly, “You like hunting for bugs!?”

Agitha dropped her parasol over their heads to whisper back, “I have a collection! I haven’t been able to add to it for a while though. Too much lady stuff to do,” she spat out with a scrunched face.

“I know the best rocks to look under, follow me!”

They were suddenly a flurry of giggles disappearing around the corner of a hedged bush. The other girls rolled their eyes and the teacher’s pet of the bunch took it upon herself to go and inform the Governess that there had been a break of rank in there very serious garden stroll.

Zelda dropped her parasol to the ground carelessly when they arrived in her old hunting grounds. There was a garden bed separated from the gravel path by a curved line of medium sized stones. She dropped to her knees and began turning them over one by one, inspecting the microcosm under each. Agitha joined her on the ground after folding and leaning her parasol against a bush with slightly more decorum, but once she was into the bugs, all sense of propriety was forgotten. They dirtied their dresses in the upturned soil and Agitha stood back up to hold out a layer of her skirts to make a receptacle. She directed Zelda which bugs to throw in and they devolved into fits of giggles as they rediscovered one of their beloved childhood activities. When they were found, Governess Beatrice was beside herself at their display of unladylike behavior.

All the other girls had followed to see what the commotion was about and were entertained beyond measure that the Princess of Hyrule was in trouble. They stood in their pristine, high tea finery, with slightly agape mouths hidden by dainty gloved fingers.

“Lady Agitha! Princess Zelda!” Beatrice’s head kept jerking back and forth between the two of them as if she couldn’t decide whom to admonish first. She decided on the royalty. “Princess Zelda, stand up at once! You have completely dirtied yourself!”

Zelda stood and brushed some of the dirt off the fabric over her knees. She started to tip the rocks back to rights with her foot while Beatrice turned her frustration to Agitha.

“And- Lady Agitha!” she admonished while straightening her back.

Agitha clutched her skirt closed around her waist and started to feel distraught that she would lose her new friends.

“What in Hyrule are you doing? It is very improper to be showing your petticoats in public. Put them to rights this instant,” she demanded. When Agitha hesitated, she became cross. She snapped her fan and came closer in an effort to appear more intimidating. “I said fix your dress, girl. You look like a harlot!”

Zelda glared daggers at the woman and vowed to get her back somehow, but Agitha took care of it herself.

Fear gave way to anger and she decided to unleash her new army upon Beatrice in frustration for not being allowed to be who she was any more. She hated growing up. With a dramatic cry of, “Have them, then!” she flung her dress open and the bugs were hurled in her direction.

The woman proceeded to scream, throwing up her parasol and flapping her fan all over to get the critters away. As she carried on, all the young ladies started laughing... and Agitha curtsied.

~~~

Four Years Later

Agitha kept moving restlessly from the parlor table to the tall balcony windows, peering out at the long and empty road leading up to the Windvane Manor.

After hearing her sigh for the umpteenth time, her older brother Theudric drawled, “At this rate, you’ll dull the marble. Why don’t you busy yourself and go check on the refreshments?” He was draped on the chaise lounge reading and when she came back over to scowl at him, he smirked.

“And miss her arrival? Absolutely not!” Her hip bounced a little and she admitted, “Though I do need to powder my nose.”

Just as her dress swished around the corner and out of the room, Theudric yelled, “Agitha! She’s here!”

“Finally!” She came peeling back round, almost slipping on the polished floors, and raced to the window only to find the same empty cobblestones. She heard her brother snickering behind his book and stomped over with a withering glare. “You remember the last time?” she threatened. “What ended up in your bed?”

His eyes went wide and he fell silent, burying his face in the book again, but his shoulders were still bouncing slightly.

It was still another three quarters of an hour before their guest arrived. Zelda appeared bright and cheerful, too excited to be tired from her journey, and refused offers of an afternoon’s repose. The opportunities to spend time with her friend were dwindling far too much so she wanted to take advantage of all the limited time they’d have. If she could give up sleep she would.

Agitha held her for an age in a warm embrace and then brought her to the parlor where they could all have luncheon. The moment they entered, Theudric snapped his book shut and stood ramrod straight, a slight color entering his cheeks.

“Zelda, you remember my brother, Theudric?”

Zelda smiled as he approached and gave a curt bow. “Princess Zelda, it is my pleasure to receive you to the manor. Lord and Lady Windvane send their apologies since they are away on business.”

“Thank you, and please give them my regards when they return,” she performed a small curtsy.

“Right,” Agitha announced. “Are we done with the pleasantries? Let’s eat! I’m famished.”

They gathered around the table and Theudric jumped to Zelda’s side to pull out her chair. “If you’ll allow me one more pleasantry.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Agitha stood near her own chair watching the lingering interaction and then cleared her throat.

Theudric shook his head a little in exasperation, “Oh, of course. Let me get that for you Aggi.”

They caught up while they ate and shared their latest interests. Agitha declared that she had a lovely surprise for Zelda in the lower storerooms of the house and Zelda spoke about her obsession with ancient Sheikah technology after the Divine Beasts had been discovered. A new friend, Dr. Purah, had lead the excavation for the last one in Eldin about two years prior and her younger sister Impa had begun advising the King on the subject. Zelda had since signed on to help where she could.

As she continued regaling her company with anecdotes about her translation work, Theudric sat riveted; he was so impressed with her academic achievements. A lot of people held the incorrect assumption that the Princess frittered away her time in court. She did make appearances in court- he had seen her himself on a few occasions when he went to the castle with his father on business- but she hardly wasted her time there. In fact, it seemed to him that she stayed the bare minimum that was acceptable. He vowed from then on that he would defend her honor and brilliance to anyone who stated anything to the contrary.

When he joined in the conversation and spoke of what their parents were up to lately, Agitha put on her most irksome, bored face. “Theu, that’s not interesting in the slightest- Zelda, have you had enough?” she interrupted herself to change the subject. “I can’t wait any longer to show you my new collection.”

Zelda laughed and regarded Theudric with a look of apology. “Forgive me Master Theudric, I appear to be summoned to the bowels of the house. Will you be joining us?” she asked as she stood.

He rose with her out of respect and opened his mouth but Agitha cut in, “He will not. He told me earlier that the day was so lovely he might go riding, and it’s about time I got you all to myself.”

Theudric put on mock dramatics, “I’m afraid I can’t join your Highness as I have a previous engagement with my horse. Missing an appointment with her would be a most egregious offense.” He bowed deeply. “Please forgive my absence.”

Agitha rolled her eyes and Zelda smiled bemusedly. She heard pandering like this all the time but it was much more palatable when delivered in jest rather than earnestly. It could become very tiring when people tried too hard and spoke only to her rank instead of to her person. It was why these less frequent opportunities to visit her friend away from the castle had become all the more important. She could relax and be herself out here, especially with Agitha. The only other respite she had was Gerudo Town and a trip there was even harder to wrangle as her responsibilities grew with each passing year.

“That’s quite understandable,” Zelda related. “My Rune also gets temperamental if I don’t visit him regularly.” She dipped her head and took one more little triangle egg sandwich from the table as Agitha dragged her off. “Enjoy your ride!”

Agitha led Zelda downstairs to one of the cooler, stone-lined basement store rooms. Behind the heavy wooden door that Agitha held open for her, Zelda’s breath was taken away by all of the glass terrariums lit by a plethora of lanterns. Each one had a manicured ecosystem and held from one, to many different species of bugs. Zelda bounced from one to the next as Agitha stood back, pleased with her reaction.

“This is wonderful Agitha! How did you manage to curate this?”

“Mother finally caved and said I could pursue my entomology hobby as long as it ‘doesn’t interfere with my other obligations’,” she quoted, exaggerating her mother’s shrill voice.

“I’m so happy for you. Oh! What’s this one? It doesn’t have a sign yet.”

Agitha approached to get a closer look. “Ah, that’s one of the rainy beauties, a Thunderwing Butterfly. Mother had a cow when I went to collect it because I was running around the meadow in a downpour.” She sighed, “Honestly, I’m so glad when she goes away because then I can just do my thing without her fretting over me.”

In a soft voice that sounded wistfully sad, Zelda offered a different perspective. “I’m sure that whatever she does, she does it out of love.”

Agitha was about to argue but when she noticed Zelda’s face after turning her attention away from the butterfly, she understood what she’d done. “Yeah... I’m sure you’re right.”

~~~

The next morning, Theudric found himself in front of the mirror trying to make himself look extra spiffy. He’d already asked his valet to put out one of his smartest ensembles. It included a red vest with gold buttons, brown trousers and calf-high boots. He was about to second guess if it was too fancy when he got distracted by his hair and proceeded to fiddle with it for a good twenty minutes. There were only so many things he could do with a short brown mop so finally, he just slicked it back and finished with a spritz of cologne.

He came downstairs, ready to entertain but he couldn’t see the girls anywhere. Their breakfast was half eaten and in his curiosity to find out where they could have gone, he gulped a bit of apple juice and grabbed a boiled egg to eat on his way out.

He wasn’t expecting to run right into them after turning the corner of the garden hedge, so he covered his mouth unceremoniously as he chewed quickly, the pasty egg yolk clinging to his teeth and tongue.

Zelda looked up and smiled radiantly under her sun hat. "Good morning Master Theudric." She was bent over the rim of a new large terrarium on a table, carefully placing a bit of hollow log inside to add to the habitat.

“Yes,” he finished swallowing his breakfast, “it is indeed a very beautiful morning. What are you ladies up to?”

Agitha gave him a withering stare. “What does it look like, genius?”

“Give me a break, I haven’t even been able to have my coffee,” he defended himself. “Had to come looking for you instead, didn’t I.”

“And just in time too. This one’s almost finished,” she said as she placed seedlings in pre-prepared holes in the soil at the bottom. “You can help us carry it downstairs.”

“Oh! Ah, I just remembered,” he started with a pained look on his face. “I have this thing.” He started to retreat and Agitha produced a flat and unamused expression that made him chuckle. “I’m just kidding Aggi. Are we carrying it or is it heavy enough that I need to get Genly?

“Mmmm, yes. I think Genly would be a good idea. I saw him in the stables earlier when I went to get some manure.”

“Wow, you aren’t messing around,” he said with a mix of curiosity and disgust.

“Only the best for my babies,” she answered.

His brow raised skeptically. “Riiiight... I’ll just go fetch Genly, then,” he stated while letting his gaze linger on Zelda as she brushed her hands together to remove the soil.

He had just turned away when she looked up to speak, the thought of allowing some self indulgence crossing her mind. “Master Theudric, do you mind if I join you? I’d love to meet the mare that stole you away from us yesterday.” Of course all three of them had known it was a pretense, but she enjoyed keeping up the ruse.

Theudric curtly bowed at the waist and gestured toward the stables. “Absolutely, your Highness. Posy would be enchanted.”

“She’s enchanted by hydromelons and if you visit her without them she’ll be a right little piece of twatittude,” Agitha warned. “I’m going to water this in. Don’t take too long.”

While Zelda bribed her way into Posy’s affections, Theudric searched the stables for Genly and found him organizing in the tack room. He was a kindly, middle aged man who’d worked for the Windvane family since he was about fifteen. His family ran the Highland Stable down south but rather than taking on the business and starting a family as he would have been expected to do when he got older, he decided to make his own way and live quietly alone in a little house on the grounds.

“Ah, Master Theudric,” Genly greeted him with a smile under his bushy mustache, tipping his hat. “Going for a ride this fine morning?”

“Morning Genly. Not at the moment.” He was about to continue with his request when an idea occurred to him. “Though maybe a bit later. I’m afraid I’m just after assistance with some heavy lifting. Aggi needs a new tank taken downstairs to her lair.”

“Righto,” Genly said as he laid some rope on the table to return to later. “Always happy to help; point the way.”

Zelda opted to continue making Posy’s acquaintance. She was entertained by the fact that the temperamental mare was pacified by hydromelons. They weren’t the usual fare at the castle stables and she thought perhaps she should acquire some for Rune to try. Maybe it would help them to bond better.

Theudric wasn’t long in returning and Genly, who was in tow to head back to what he’d initially been doing, took one look at them and steered clear out the other end of the stables to do something else. He tipped his hat as he passed by, “Your Highness.”

She smiled and nodded, then regarded Theudric with a hand on Posy’s muzzle. “Well, shall we get back? Agitha will certainly be getting restless by now.”

He leaned against the gate of Posy’s enclosure and smoothed his hair back with one hand before saying, “Actually, I’m wondering if you’d be willing to humor me for awhile. I’d love to hear more about the ancient Sheikah research you’re into.” His face was all keen interest.

“I’d be wary of that if I were you,” she warned. “Once you get me going on the subject, I’ll forget the time and talk you to exhaustion, I’m sure!”

His lips turned up into a dashing smile. “Try me.”

She seemed reticent but still in good humor, so he pursued a different tactic. “How about a deal then?”

She forgot her manners and snorted derisively, accidentally startling Posy. “Of what sort- oh, sorry Posy, I’ll leave you to the rest of your melon,” she said as she put the remaining pieces in her feed trough.

“A hobby for a hobby. You tell me all about yours while I escort you to mine. That way, there will be mutually assured boredom.”

She enjoyed his company. He seemed to not judge her natural proclivities and she appreciated that. “I really can’t fault your logic, Master Theudric.”

“Please, call me Theu,” he requested earnestly.

Agitha had just arrived on the scene to find out what had been keeping them and rolled her eyes so hard her whole body teetered to one side. “Uuugh, you’re not taking her to the Collie, are you?”

“Why not? If we take the horses, it will be a fun, midday outing. We can take a lunch.”

“What’s going on at the Coliseum?” Zelda asked, unable to hide her curiosity.

Theudric began to speak but Agitha cut him off again, “Only his pet project which daddy is sooo proud of.”

Before Agitha could continue teasing, Zelda said earnestly, “It’s a wonderful thing to have a father’s approval. I think I’d like to see the hobby that garnered such a thing. Maybe I can get some tips so father can see the value in my hobby as well.”

Theudric’s ears perked up and he asked, “Are you short of funding?”

“Honestly, I can’t complain. The research has been well funded, but it has grown to the point where we need a second location. There is an energy source that must be tapped if we want to progress as quickly as possible.”

“Sounds very interesting.”

“You say that, but there’s a catch. It’s almost as far east as you can get, near the Village of Hateno.”

“Ahh, the boonies. Father calls it bum ffff- never mind,” he caught himself from almost being incredibly uncouth in front of the Princess of Hyrule and straightened his posture. He just found her so easy to be around. Quite a different flavor from other young ladies he’d socialized with.

She suppressed a chuckle and caught Agitha’s bored expression from where she was sitting on a bale of hay, twirling pieces in her hand and waiting. “Agitha, are you going to join us? I think a ride with lunch sounds lovely.”

“It’s ok. You two go on ahead.” She stood up and stretched. “I’m going to finish the habitat for the second tank. I’ll send something from the kitchen while the horses get tacked up.”

Theudric looked incredulous. “Thanks Aggi.”

She left the stables and just as he was about to continue his conversation with Zelda, she poked her head around the corner. “Don’t take all day, you hear?!”

Zelda waved cheerfully and had a look at the other horses in their stalls. “So Theu, who shall I get ready to ride today?”

“Oh! Um...” he quickly turned away from her so he could hide the warmth he felt on his cheeks, no doubt manifesting as a full on blush at hearing his nickname as he’d requested. He led her to a brown and white spotted mare about three stalls down. “We’ll have to take Daisy because she’s the only one that Posy likes hanging around with.”

“Daisy and Posy, hm? All we need is another flower and we’ll be on our way to a bouquet,” Zelda joked.

And she made silly jokes. He was a goner.

Theudric led Daisy out to introduce them and laughed nervously. “Actually, you’re not far off. All the horses have been bred at my Uncle Talon’s farm on the other side of the field and he’s a... a quirky one. Names all his horses after flowers.” He leaned over to look past Zelda outside, “I’ll just find Genly to tack up.”

As he brushed past, she touched his arm, “It’s ok, I like doing it myself. Besides, that way Daisy can get to know me better before we go. Isn’t that right, beautiful girl?” she cooed, gently stroking Daisy’s face.

Theudric felt rude for letting his surprise show but she was paying more attention to Daisy anyhow. “Alright then, let’s get ready.”

He collected saddles and reins from the tack room and they got to work. She asked him about his project but he only touched on it briefly, wanting to share the full story during their outing when he could show as well as tell. He did let on that it was his innovation to combine the annual Kingdom Games with a harvest market. It would be a whirlwind fortnight of competition and bartering, boosting trade in the region for smaller, local farmers, and trades people. It was also ideally situated to receive the quality gem crafts and fabrics coming out of Gerudo Desert.

Zelda sat astride her mount first and was glad she brought her hat as she rode out into the clear summer day. Genly came past with another tip of his hat and handed her a packed lunch. “This came from the big house. I hope you enjoy your ride, your Highness. I’ll take care of the girls when you get back.”

“Thank you, Genly,” she beamed.

He shrugged shyly over the Princess of Hyrule remembering his name and passed Theudric’s lunch to him as he emerged next from the stables astride Posy. The two horses nibbled at each other and snorted, but otherwise got on.

“Well, then. Shall we?” Theudric asked.

Zelda clicked her heels and set off at a cantor. “We shall!”

~~~

The moment Zelda pulled away and the last of her small retinue were out of earshot, Agitha turned on her brother with a look of disdain. "I hardly get to see Zelda anymore. I'd appreciate you not stealing her from me next time she visits."

He finished waving and rolled his eyes at her as he turned to go back in the house.

When he didn't say anything, she kept on. "Theu! Seriously, you used to pay us no mind whatsoever. Why are you butting in?"

He kept walking through the vaulted foyer and answered nonchalantly, "I like her."

She froze in a silent gasp but recovered from the shock quickly, catching up to him in a flurry of clicking steps that reverberated off the polished floor. "Well- then-," she struggled to retain the argument after such a bombshell. "Then go see her on your own time and-"

He whirled on her, having become slightly annoyed at her petulance, "Honestly, I don't know why you're so upset. If she likes me back, you two could end up being sisters, and then you can spend as much time with her as you like."

A loud and deep gasp filled the room this time, as if she'd inhaled all the available air in the house, "YOU'RE RIGHT!"

She then left him with a bemused expression as she made a mad dash to her writing desk upstairs. She'd begin matchmaking right away, starting with a letter to Zelda. Subtle hints, not too overt. She'd have to gauge if he was even on her radar. Probably not, all she talked about was ancient Sheikah tech...

She giggled as she wrote, imagining the day when they could be sisters.

#breath of the wild #fanfiction #writing #Royal Etiquette & Funding #Insurrection Recollections Series #snidgetwidgeon scribbles

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usagichibamamorutsukino · 5 years ago

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To all of the Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask Haters

This is my post on the Sailor Moon subreddit! I am very proud of the arguments I made and am extremely thankful for the amazing response I got! I got Reddit Gold for the first time in my life! I’m sharing it today here on my Tumblr, the place where I have found a wonderful niche of Tuxedo Mask and Usamamo lovers like me! Here is the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/sailormoon/comments/d0zm4c/to_all_of_the_mamorutuxedo_mask_haters/

Here is my post:

Hi everyone! I wanted to share my comment on a video interview of the Viz dub voices for the Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon Crystal anime, Stephanie Sheh (Usagi), and Robbie Daymond (Mamoru). The interviewer talked about why she believes it's justified to hate Tuxedo Mask and why he isn't right for Usagi. The topics I covered in my initial comment are included here in greater detail. I am basing my response below on: the manga, the original 90's anime and its 3 movies, Sailor Moon Crystal, Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, interviews with Naoko Takeuchi, articles that analyze the storylines and utilize fact-checking references, as well as my interpretation and analysis that bases itself on the cannon and overall understanding of the portrayal of the human characters and interactions in the story.

Obligatory note: You are entitled to your own opinion as I am entitled to my own. However, I feel obligated to voice my opinion and defense for Tuxedo Mask as he gets so much hate in the fandom, and there is so much misinformation about him. There are so many posts and articles trying to prove that Tuxedo Mask/Mamoru is definitively a horrible character, that he sucks, he is useless, etc. It is one thing to have your opinion. It is another to be so vocal about your hatred for a character basing your hatred on misinformation and superficial arguments.

In my lengthy post, I will discuss specific topics and arguments that people bring up to defend their hatred of Tuxedo Mask/Mamoru and his relationship to Sailor Moon/Usagi. I hope you enjoy reading and gain some perspective.

In the original anime, Usagi and Mamoru didn't have any feelings or love for one another UNTIL they remembered their past lives

I rewatched Season 1 of the original anime this past week and took notes of each encounter between Usagi and Mamoru until they remember their past lives. I analyzed their dialogue, how the animators portrayed their body language around each other, as well as how they talk about one another to other characters. Let’s begin our study by reading this quote from the manga in Act 10 when Usagi recounts that in her encounters with Mamoru: “I would get defensive, and we would get into a fight. We actually never had a real conversation. But the truth is… I was always so excited and happy to see him. That’s why we ran to each other… isn’t it? The two of us were drawn to each other.”

In the 90s anime, Usagi and Mamoru have an initially confrontational relationship. Mamoru’s first impression of Usagi was of a girl who hit him on the head with a crumbled-up test with a horrifying grade. Usagi’s first impression of Mamoru was a guy who told her she should study more; she was mortified and embarrassed by this, so she stuck her tongue out at him and walked away, disregarding him as a “weirdo”. The second time they bump into each other, Usagi throws a shoe at his head by accident, and she doesn’t apologize. The third time they meet, they bump into one another when Usagi is dreaming about “her future boyfriend.” She mistakenly apologizes to a pole, and Mamoru finds this funny and says that she should watch where she is going. Naru asks Usagi if she knows who that guy is, as he is “totally gorgeous” and Usagi responds “Wrong! There is nothing gorgeous about him!” By the 5th and 7th episodes, when Mamoru sees Usagi, he goes up to her and says, “Hey!” like they were friends. At the end of their conversation in Ep. 7, when Usagi walks away annoyed, we pan back to Mamoru, who is smiling at her genuinely. Through all of these interactions, Mamoru and Usagi go from strangers who are annoyed by each other’s existence to people who run into each other so often that Mamoru can find some humor in it.

You have to consider that Mamoru is acerbic since he is becoming Tuxedo Mask without his knowledge, is sleep deprived, has retrograde amnesia, and barely has anyone in his life who truly cares about him. He meets this girl who has hit him on the head, has bumped into him and has been rude to him on multiple accounts, of course, he’s going to return Usagi’s comments. But as he spends more time around her group, the teasing becomes well-meaning. Usagi shows that she values his advice, such as in Ep. 17 and when she is deciding if telling Naru about Nephrite's evil doings is a good idea or not. Usagi was visibly jealous of Rei’s crush on Mamoru and her three outings with him. Mamoru brought up "Bunhead" when Rei stopped him on the street to ask him out. He mentioned "Usagi" when talking to Motoki when the conversation wasn't about her but rather about Makoto. She's on his mind from early on.

There is a fantastic post that also discusses some of the points of evidence that Usagi and Mamoru had crushes on one another before they remembered their past lives, https://aminoapps.com/c/sailor-moon/page/blog/my-thoughts-on-mamoru-and-usagi/eYX5_MMdI3udVa3xwNvqExdKarRMM0xGlrm . One of my favorite observations is this: "Mamoru mostly teased her about her love life. When we look at what a person mostly tease someone about, it can give us an idea about their true intentions behind it. Mamoru teased her about romance-related things quite a few times, saying she wouldn’t get a boyfriend if she weren’t more lady-like, teasing her about Motoki twice, and her 'not-so-date' with Umino (it really wasn’t though). Not to mention when Motoki asked Mamoru why he always treated Usagi like that, Mamoru says, 'I guess we weren’t meant for each other.' " Also, in reply to this post, u/Rockabore1 made a fantastic analysis regarding the deeper meaning behind Usagi and Mamoru's teasing in the beginning:

"I love that you point out all the nuance in the way Mamoru and Usagi's relationship grew from roasting each other to realizing they care about each other and actually love being around each other. When they met, neither were really emotionally mature enough at that point to figure out an excuse to spend time together, and they kept using teasing each other as a reliable way to do it. I talked to another redditor about a scene that strikes me as a very multilayered in that regard. In episode 17, since when Mamoru talked about qualities, make a girl beautiful after Usagi feels discouraged to meet with the photographer. He describes 'someone with a kind-heart and bravery to do the right thing even when it's hard to do.' He says it with a directness like he means it as 'I see these qualities in you.' Yet he plays it off by saying, 'Obviously, you lack those qualities,' in a challenging way. I read it as him giving her the determination to try and prove him wrong because he knows she's not a quitter. Usagi went to the arcade to get Motoki to boost her ego, which she knew he would since he's always supportive, and Motoki's platitudes made her happy but didn't inspire her, whereas, Mamoru challenging her was what pushed her to actually go out and prove it. When she leaves, Motoki notes how the two always bicker, and Mamoru seems to half-heartedly lament that things always turn into an argument when they see each other and that 'I guess we're not meant to be.' It seems like he's admitting that he doesn't know how to give her a compliment without feeling silly or embarrassed to act like a softie, and he doesn't know how they could change (which obviously they do, but at the time both were really stubborn)."

In Ep. 28, they already demonstrate to the viewer that they have crushes on each other. Usagi, sitting next to him, thinks to herself, “but hey, he does look pretty handsome," then out loud, she says, "Oh geez, what am I thinking stop it Usagi, Tuxedo Mask is the only one I love!” He looks at her, and when she looks away embarrassed, he smiles at her. At the end of the episode, when Usagi says that their painting came out beautiful, Mamoru says, “I’d say it looks pretty good considering who the model was…” and his eyes immediately shot at USAGI! But she thinks he’s talking about himself, so she reacts annoyed. And in the last episode of the first season, when everyone gets their memory erased, Mamoru smiles genuinely after meeting Usagi. This encounter was just like the first one they had at the beginning of the series and similar to their third encounter as well. His reaction could very well have been the reaction he had after meeting her for the first time, but we, the viewers, didn’t get to see it. They had an attraction to each other from the start. Usagi felt that she made two horrible first impressions on Mamoru and even though she obviously found him attractive (as she later states on countless occasions), she felt that “this is an attractive guy I would’ve had a crush on now thinks I’m a ditz, so I’m going to treat him like I don’t care about him.”

Mamoru is someone who came from an upbringing with little attachment and has been pursued for his looks and wealth for presumably a long time. Think about how many characters and villains have hit on him. How Motoki told Rei that he lives in an expensive apartment all alone because of his inheritance, and her eyes lit up. Usagi probably is the only girl who isn’t fawning over him when they meet and instead is capable of sparing jokes at each other’s expense. His way of showing his attraction is not the best, but Usagi isn’t perfect either. I also noticed how, when Rei bumped into Mamoru in a ploy to ask him out, he acted concerned for her falling down for a moment, asked if she was alright and went on his way. Rei stopped him again, and he reluctantly stuck around for coffee. Meanwhile, every time Usagi bumps into him, he sticks around for a bit to tease her and get teased back. Why did Mamoru go out of his way to spend more time with "the annoying Bunhead” than he needed to? He even goes up to her to spar and teases her, and she reciprocates too.

At the end of Rei's first "date" with Mamoru, she tells Usagi that Mamoru is probably Tuxedo Mask, Usagi says that there's no way that he could be. Mamoru asks, "huh, who is Tuxedo Mask?" like he’s genuinely curious after Usagi noted the comment about Tuxedo Mask. Umino interrupts and asks Usagi to continue their own “date,” Mamoru says, “uuu, so that’s your type, huh?” in a flirty manner. This implies, "oh, so that's why you act like you don't like me. I'm not your type." Usagi is embarrassed and blushing during this whole encounter. Later, in Ep. 30, when Yuichiro and Rei are hitting it off, Usagi is ecstatic about getting them together. Rei tells her, "you know Mamoru is my guy, so what are you trying to pull here?" Usagi blushes embarrassed, her crush on Mamoru is obvious, her jealousy of Rei is evident. Even Ami starts to see this in Ep. 31 where Rei excuses herself from a Sunday outing with the girls for a "date," Ami tells this to Usagi while nervous, knowing Usagi will react annoyed at the thought of Rei going on a date with Mamoru. However, on Mamoru's part, he never took the outings with Rei seriously. He saw her as more of a friend while she was the one pursuing him to go with her on “dates.” Also, when talking with Motoki about the girls, he seemingly got really nervous at the thought of Rei “liking” him as more than a friend. After he realizes that he is Tuxedo Mask and realizes his strong connection with Sailor Moon and the princess to who appears to him in his recurring dream, he basically stops interacting with her altogether. In fact, in this same episode I just mentioned, Rei calls Mamoru to ask him out on a date but is met with his voice mail. We pan to Mamoru in the balcony of his apartment, ignoring Rei's voice message and instead of thinking about how he is determined to get the last rainbow crystal to find the legendary silver crystal and recover his lost memories.

Who can forget episode 34, where Usagi and Mamoru discovered each other's secret identities. Usagi recognizes Mamoru walking along the Juban Shopping District; she playfully hits him on the back, “Hey there, how you doing guy?” He grunts in pain. She genuinely asks him, "What’s wrong?" He responds, “Oh, hey Bunhead, you're sure cheerful today.” Usagi: “Well, excuse me then, it just so happens that I am a cheerful person all of the time!” and sticks her tongue out, as she does. He responds with a smile, “I hope you’ll always be that way. Take care, okay?” and walks away, holding his shoulder. Usagi reacts, confused, “What’s with him? He isn’t acting like himself.”, and notices his shoulder is hurt, “Could he be hurt in some way?” Mamoru probably thought he was going to die in the battle with Zoisite; he was also depressed about not being able to protect Sailor Moon, in what Mamoru thought was his last time seeing Usagi, he was kind and told her that she should always remain her cheerful self. Worried, she follows him. When he discovers this, he is genuinely surprised that she was worried about him. Mamoru didn't have anyone in his life who worried about him. In the iconic elevator ride, he genuinely opens up to her. He tells her about his past, his recurring dream, why he is looking for the silver crystal, things he hasn't told anyone else before. When she tells him, “You know what? Before, I thought you were the worst person in the whole wide world. But not anymore, now you’re the second worst.” The way Mamoru looked at her as she blushed saying that, the way he prioritized Usagi’s safety over the rainbow crystals, the way he pushed her out of the way from falling icicles, the way he looked at her when he saw his Bunhead transform into THE Sailor Moon, the way he looked at her when he pulled out that rose and turned into Tuxedo Mask. Mamoru and Usagi fell for each other long before they discovered they were Serenity and Endymion. Sure, it's not as explicit and cinematic as how it is portrayed in the manga and Sailor Moon Crystal. But their attraction is there. They are on each other's minds from early on.

The way the writers developed their relationship is actually genius. By the moonlight, Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon flirt, and he calls her smart and beautiful, and he believes in her leadership and talent as a superhero. Meanwhile, by daylight, Mamoru and Usagi bicker like a married couple. It's like Lois Lane falling in love with Super Man but dismissing Clark Kent. The dialogue they share, their body language, how others notice their connection goes a little further than they realize; I recommend that you rewatch Sailor Moon Season 1 and the first arc of Sailor Moon R (Makaiju) and notice how Usagi and Mamoru act around each other and how their feelings for one another develop. It's there as clear as day, and honestly, it's one of the reasons I love Sailor Moon. It's the best story ever told. Heck, even the intro song is from Usagi's perspective, singing about her miracle romance with Mamoru.

I think the most notable difference between Usagi and Mamoru’s relationship in Season 1 and Season 2 is that Usagi is much nicer to him in Season 2. As a result, Mamoru is much friendlier to Usagi. This, in turn, provides heartwarming moments between them, such as when they took care of a baby, their first “date” at the arcade, Mamoru’s sigh of relief when Usagi shows up to interrupt Natsuki’s incessant flirting, his blushing when Usagi called herself cute and when he thought Usagi was on a date with Seijuro, as well as many more moments between them. The reason Usagi treats him much nicer is because, at the beginning of Season 2, Usagi remembered her previous lives, she remembered who Mamoru is, his personality, what they went through, how he puts himself in danger to protect her, how he died for her, and most of all, she remembered why she fell in love with him. It becomes her mission to get Mamoru to remember who she is, what they’ve endured together, and how they fell in love. The Makaijju arc serves as a retelling of their love story, as Mamoru falls in love with Usagi all over again. This happens gradually; he starts to see how this Bunhead girl went from someone who is rude to him to someone who enjoys his company, cares about others, brave, fun to be around, and is a kind friend. When they are both captured by the Makaiju tree, Mamoru asks Usagi if she is alright and reaches out to hold her hand. When he and Sailor Moon are being thrown and flung around the room, he holds on to Usagi/Sailor Moon’s hand even though this aggravates their antagonists more, causing them to inflict more pain on them. He jumps in front of Sailor Moon to protect her near-fatal blows, as she did for him, because in Usagi’s words: “I’m willing to risk my life in order to protect anyone I truly love.” At this moment, Mamoru had already fallen in love with Usagi again. It wasn’t until he felt the same love he had felt in his past lives that his consciousness, the Moonlight Knight, returned his memories. Therefore, he fell for Usagi before he remembered their past lives. His undying need to protect her literally took physical form as the Moonlight Knight. This proves that Mamoru doesn’t love Usagi because she is Serenity and because of destiny, but because he genuinely loves Usagi. The cutest part of this moment was Mamoru waking Usagi up after the battle, and calling her his little Bunhead Usagi Tsukino.

Many people argue that he fell for Sailor Moon and settled for Usagi once he found out they were the same person. It is undeniable that Tuxedo Mask felt strong feelings for Sailor Moon since he could sense when she was in danger and felt this urge to protect her. However, Tuxedo Mask made an enemy of Sailor Moon and the Sailor Senshi when it came to finding the rainbow crystals. In The Shining Silver Crystal, Mamoru and Usagi are confronted by Zoisite, who demands that Mamoru surrender his own rainbow crystals so that they can fight, and the winner takes all. Mamoru tells Zoisite that he will do so only if he promises not to harm Usagi and let her go. This was BEFORE he knew that she was Sailor Moon. He prioritized Usagi’s safety over his unwavering personal mission of finding the silver crystal. He didn’t do this for Sailor Moon; he did this for Usagi.

One of the most important arguments, if not, the most crucial evidence for the validity of Usagi and Mamoru’s love for one another is why they fell in love and if it is merely because of destiny, as many skeptics online cite this as the only reason Usagi and Mamoru are together because they feel obligated to stay together due to past in the Silver Millennium and “destiny.” I found a fantastic essay series by Sailor Moon and Me, all about studying the dynamics of Usagi and Mamoru’s relationship to ultimately answer if they truly love one another in the original 90’s anime. You can find the whole series here; I highly recommend you read it! https://sailormoonandme.tumblr.com/post/93343451085/usagi-and-mamoru-essay-series-contents-page-and

In conclusion, the author writes: “Would Usagi and Mamoru have wound up together if they had not regained their memories from their past lives? If given the right opportunities to get to know each other better, almost certainly yes. And those opportunities would’ve probably presented themselves somehow because their past lives/destiny would’ve been influencing them. Remember, they even met as children. Were they obligated to be together because of their past lives? Not exactly. Their past lives guided them and influenced them, but the personality traits that Serenity and Endymion found attractive in one another were present in Usagi and Mamoru and was likely what they’re modern-day incarnations found attractive too. In particular, these traits were on display as Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask and Usagi and Mamoru already effectively loved one another in through those identities anyway.” The author highlights a key aspect, the reason Usagi and Mamoru have fallen in love over and over again: they find each other’s personality traits attractive! Earlier in the essay series, the author brilliantly proves how, in the anime, Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask and Endymion act in the same way, as well as Usagi/Sailor Moon and Serenity. They are the same people, so if they fell in love during the Silver Millennium, they can fall in love again for the same reason, they like each other’s personalities!

Mamoru's breakup with Usagi

In the anime, after they finally get together during Sailor Moon R, he finally feels like he’s not alone. Then he gets these visions prophesizing that the woman he loves will die if he continues to be with her. He struggles with what to do; he just found someone who completes him, who gave him his lost memories and the meaning of his life. Who saw the best in him and believed in him even after him being brainwashed and soul strangled by the evil Metalia. He knows the pain that he’s caused her. He still has memories of being under Metaria's evil magic. He realized how possessed he was, enough to attempt to behead Usagi without question. He just learned that continuing to be a part of her life could put her in grave danger. He doesn’t take this lightly and breaks up with her because he thought he would protect her.

Mamoru thought that HE, HIMSELF, was the danger to Usagi. That's why he tried to get her to hate him. Even I initially judged the breakup arc as a victim of "bad writing" for Mamoru and Usagi's relationship. A few lines littered over a few episodes are unfortunately very negative coming from Mamoru's part. I cannot defend them when taken out of context. I am disappointed that the writers decided to include those few lines since they don't even correlate to Mamoru's character growth and overarching character arc over five seasons.

Furthermore, from his part, these comments are blatant attempts to portray himself as a despicable person, so Usagi would forget about him and move on. He thought that by getting Usagi to hate him, she would distance herself from him and be saved from the horrible fate he kept seeing in his nightmare. Many people use this as "evidence" that Mamoru "didn't love Usagi," and that he is a "horrible person." It is very easy to judge a guy breaking up with a girl as wonderful as Usagi and being so cold towards her. However, when you see Mamoru realize that marrying Usagi will cause her immediate death and that his only way of protecting her from this doom is to break up with her, he already hates himself. To provide more perspective of how this impacted him when he meets King Endymion in the future and realizes he was the one prophesying Usagi's death if Mamoru continues to be with her, Mamoru charges at him with anger.

There is no logical reason that Mamoru would willingly choose to make Usagi suffer. Why would he purposely put the only person he considers his family and his soulmate through so much pain and suffering. The breakup is as hard on him as it is on Usagi. This is clearly seen in Ep. 69, at the end, when he is crying by his motorcycle. He should’ve told Usako the truth about the dream. But she beats him to it in a later episode, and they decide to take control of their lives and be together, instead of believing in the nightmare. She was the one to believe in the strength of their love and do the right thing. Thanks to this arc, they learned that together they are unstoppable. Mamoru learned to trust Usagi wholeheartedly and to trust himself, as he felt that HE was the danger in her life. After the revelation that the messages from King Endymion were to test Mamoru's love for Usagi, even Mamoru realizes he made a horrible decision to lie to Usagi and hurt her the way he did. He realizes how dumb he was and latches on to Usagi and never lets her go again.

Furthermore, to provide a silver lining to the breakup arc, we have further evidence of just how much Mamoru loves Usagi. If he didn't love her, as so many people in the fandom like to claim, the breakup was his way out. But he didn't just up and leave. He hated that he had to be apart from Usagi. He truly loves her with all of his heart. He never once stopped calling her Usako. He never stopped being in awe of Sailor Moon's power, calling her invincible when talking about her to Chibiusa. He continued to help her and the Sailor Senshi in battle. He dreamt about marrying her; he imagined her face reflected on rivers; when he continued to run into her after the breakup, he was solemn realizing that it is fate that keeps making them meet.

This breakup isn’t my favorite part of the season at all, but it provides real character development and allows us to explore Mamoru’s fears and heartache. You see Usagi gets heartbroken, but she doesn't lose faith; she doesn't stop believing in Mamoru and love; she still has her circle of friends and family to fall back on. Mamoru had no one. Usagi was the only one he let in his heart. In the Sailor Moon R movie, he tells Usagi that his years of loneliness were worth it because he found her, and that she is his family. For years, Mamoru had the same dream about a princess who pleaded to him “find the silver crystal, find the silver crystal.” And this princess ended up being a real person! The girl with the weird hair he kept running into, Bunhead, Usagi, Usako! Are we internalizing how insane that is? To have literally no memories before your sixth birthday, to not remember your parents, to be an orphan with no family or close relationships, to have a recurring dream that wakes you in a cold sweat about the same person every time that pleads that you find this mysterious crystal you know nothing about? It’s insane. Of course, Mamoru has trouble with interpersonal relationships in the beginning. It’s thanks to Usagi’s constant love towards him and their growth as a couple that he becomes a kinder and more trusting person as the series goes on. Mamoru's connection to Usagi is so much deeper than the anime lets on at surface level. Mamoru went from someone who has had his memory stolen already three times, to someone who has finally found the love of his life, who was no longer alone, to someone who was forced to break his soulmate's heart and be pushed back to loneliness.

I recommend this great article that talks more about the breakup and Mamoru's perspective! http://starlight.csmalecki.com/reads/breakup.php

Mamoru's relationship with Chibiusa

On that note, of course, Mamoru felt a connection to Chibiusa. He was an orphan with no family, he finds this little kid all alone, of course, he is going to feel an urge to help her feel less alone. He connects with Chibiusa because he sees Usako in her; because he no longer has anyone else to fill the void of loneliness. Mamoru and Chibiusa are some of the characters that carry the underlying theme of loneliness in the Sailor Moon story. Chibiusa saw Mamo as someone who reminded her of her dad, and for a little girl who feels helpless and is separated from her parents, utterly alone in this strange world where she doesn't know who to trust, it is reasonable for her to latch onto him. She sees these people who look like her parents and Sailor Senshi back home but behave nothing like them. Mamoru is one of the few characters who is continuously nice to her and there for her; logically, she would want to be around him. There is an excellent article that talks about Chibiusa's "Electra Complex," I highly recommend you read it: https://shojopower.com/beautiful-like-you-black-ladys-uncomfortable-electra-complex/. Basically, it concludes that Chibiusa's "Electra Complex" is NOT sexual desire for her father but instead not being able to relate to her mother, "The Electra Complex is less about a daughter’s sexual desire for her father, but much more about the relationship between daughter and mother; the female child and her best friend." Once Chibiusa becomes Black Lady, her innocent feelings of love and attachment towards Mamoru get exploited and tainted and manifest as "sexual" attraction. But in reality, once Chibiusa can relate to Usagi, her "Electra Complex" is resolved, and Black Lady is defeated.

Tuxedo Mask is "useless."

What a double standard. Just because he is a man, he has to be the Batman or Spider-Man of the story? It’s called Sailor Moon. She is Wonder Woman; he is Steve Trevor. Tuxedo Mask exists to help Sailor Moon and support her, but Sailor Moon is the protector of the universe. The story is all about her and her fellow Sailor Senshi. It’s a female empowerment story; if you think that a male character is “useless” because he isn’t the one saving the day, you are missing the point. Tuxedo Mask has physically aided the Senshi in combat on countless occasions.

Furthermore, during numerous battles, if Tuxedo Mask had not shown up to shoot a single rose, Sailor Moon and the Senshi would have been goners. He utilizes his knowledge of physics and math during battles and is capable in hand to hand combat, as well as a formidable swordsman. In the manga and Sailor Moon Crystal, he has his own super-powered attack, Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber. Even cooler, he has a combined attack with his daughter, Pink Sugar Tuxedo Attack. He takes the place of Sailor Earth and Sailor Sun, as he possesses the golden sailor crystal. Concerning Earth, he recognizes it as his guardian planet and can "see" what the Earth feels. Concerning the sun, Takeuchi made him a Leo, a constellation related to the sun, also, when he dies, Nehellenia states that he is "The Prince of Earth, protected by the Sun."

He buys the Senshi time to power up for their Sailor Planet attack; he's freed them from traps from where they can't escape alone, he distracts villains and disables them with supernaturally strong rose darts, allowing the Senshi to give the finishing blow. I have to note; his aim is deadly. His rose darts took down Queen Beryl and Fiore, as well as others. He doesn't leave the scene until he sees the situation is under control and that the girls can handle it from there. In his dying words during the Stars arc, he proclaims that the Senshi will stop Galaxia, that she doesn't stand a chance. He believes in each of the Senshi's strengths and gives them useful advice that they apply to the situation and helps them succeed. In the story, his character supports female heroes and helps them do their best. As a female, I feel completely empowered and inspired by Sailor Moon/Usagi, by each of the Senshi and the story in general. It is rare to see female superheroes kicking butt, in a world of countless Iron Man, Captain America, Batman, Superman, and Spider-Man movies and a less than a handful of Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel movies. A male superhero in a female superhero driven story is not "useless," they simply aren't the star of the battle, and there is nothing wrong with that.

The consensus is that Usagi's kidnapping by Prince Demande is straight-up assault and absolutely repulsive from Demade's part. And rightfully so, Usagi, in tears being grabbed and forced to kiss him is horrible and uncomfortable to watch. Compare this moment to Mamoru's kidnappings. He has been objectified and kidnapped by countless villains in the story. How is this different from Usagi's kidnapping? He is forced to kiss his own daughter possessed by evil, pinned against a wall by Fish's Eye trying to get a kiss from him while he is explicitly rejecting this and saying no, was submitted to bodily possession by Metaria's dark magic on two occasions with Queen Beryl (who is obsessed and infatuated with him) doing who knows what to his unconscious body. I could go on and on, Fiore, An, Mio Kuroki; there are many occasions where Mamoru has been objectified, kidnapped, and assaulted. It is disturbing that so many people interpret this as "weakness" from Mamoru's part. These assaults and objectification are against his will. A man who has been through these horrible experiences is NOT weak. Please don't contribute to this harmful double standard. A person being assaulted is a victim, regardless of their gender.

Finally, in the first episode, when Sailor Moon is crying because she doesn't know how to fight the monster terrorizing her best friend, Tuxedo Mask appears to her and tells her "Sailor Moon, crying won't solve anything." Taken at face value, this comment is bewildering since, in that scenario (and another battle scenario in Sailor Moon SuperS), her crying became ultrasonic and incapacitated her enemies. But this comment goes further, this comment sets the tone for Usagi's series-long journey into maturing and getting over her crying habit; this is part of Sailor Moon’s character development. This personal growth is highlighted in Ep. 74 when Usagi decides to face Rubeus alone to save her friends. She reflects on how, before she would've been a total crybaby if she had to go by herself to defeat a villain, she is amazed at how far she has come emotionally. She realizes that truthfully, "crying won't solve anything." As the seasons go on, her being a self-proclaimed crybaby is still used as a point of comedy, but in the moments of real desperation, she handles herself with maturity and bravery. So, ultimately, she valued what Tuxedo Mask said to her the first time they met.

Usagi and Mamoru's age gap

One of the biggest points of misinformation in Sailor Moon is Mamoru and Usagi's age difference and the legality of their relationship. Mamoru Chiba is 17. At the start of the manga, Takeuchi intended for Mamoru to be as young as 16. Usagi Tsukino starts the story as 14, but she actually isn’t 14 for very long. The Japan school semester begins in April, and her birthday is in June. This means that Seasons 1-3 happen pretty quickly. Therefore the age difference between Mamoru and Usagi isn’t that drastic at all. Furthermore, the fact of the matter is, Mamoru behaves older than he is. Why? He has had to mature very early on in his life. He has had to take care of himself for presumably a long time. Usagi has the perfect nuclear family and at the start of the series and is rather immature. She matures as the series goes on because of her responsibilities as a guardian and protector of the galaxy. At face value, it's easy to judge Mamoru and Usagi's relationship as one with a significant age gap. However, this isn't the case. 2-3 years of age difference is not outstanding at all and in Japan even less so. They are both above the age of consent of 13 and are still both teenagers. Even in the original anime, many scripts list Mamoru as a 17-18-year-old college student, and Usagi becomes 15 early on in the series timeline. He is shown to be extremely intelligent, so being a 17 year old in college is absolutely plausible. An important point to address, he is shown driving a car when the minimum driving age in Japan is 18. However, Haruka is 16 and drives a car and even a helicopter. I’m not losing any sleep over the fact that Mamoru could be driving a car before he is 18.

People argue that if Mamoru were precisely the same age as Usagi, the "problems" would be "fixed." But like I stated earlier, Mamoru behaves more mature because he was forced to be independent and self-sufficient from a very early point in his life. Even at 14, Mamoru would appear and behave much more mature than Usagi does. He is still obviously immature in how he deals with his crush on Usagi. When Takeuchi wrote the story about Serenity and Endymion, she was basing herself on medieval romance stories where the lovers are many years apart in age. Hence, the age gap was intentional in that aspect. Again, as I stated previously, 2-3 years of age difference is hardly noteworthy, especially as the series goes on, and they mature together.

Here is an excellent post that further discusses and debunks the age gap legality rumors: https://tiny012.tumblr.com/post/184025521241/in-the-defense-of-mamoru-chiba-because-bitch-im

Final thoughts and conclusions about Usagi and Mamoru's relationship and Tuxedo Mask

In the end, Usagi and Mamoru mature and grow together; they are each other’s rock. Mamoru becomes a more laid back person around Usagi, like when he takes her to see the cats at the abandoned house to cheer her up in Ep. 91. Usagi asks him, “but are we allowed to go in there?” and he responds, “I don’t know! Who cares!” and hands her a little kitten. I love Diana’s comment in Ep. 146 about how both Neo Queen Serenity and King Endymion fake being sick together to get out of meetings and commitments.

Mamoru loves Usagi for who she is; in some ways, she is everything he's not, and he loves her for that - they complete each other; he keeps her grounded while she lifts him up into craziness. And he adores it. Mamoru has told Usagi: "Never apologize for being yourself.”, "Your strong will is what I love about you most.” and “Just being with you makes my life complete.” When Fish’s Eye questioned Mamoru on why he doesn’t want to be with anyone else but Usagi, he responds, "She’s full of dreams. That’s why.” In Stars, as Chibiusa is fading from existence due to Nehellenia’s curse on Mamoru, she pleads that he remembers that both him and Usagi have always shared the same dreams. Mamoru and Usagi are pretty different, sure, but in reality, they have the same visions for the future; they share the same values, and they have the same dreams. They complement each other beautifully, and that is why their love is as strong as it is. Usagi may be a bit clumsy and a crybaby, but in Mamoru's eyes, she's perfect.

People also bring up Mamoru's avoidance of public displays of affection with Usagi as evidence that "he doesn't really love her." In Japan, public displays of affection are seen as rude and inappropriate. When Mamo is alone with Usako, they share countless cute moments. Kisses, hugs, affection.. they love each other. Let's not forget when Mamoru gave Usagi a promise ring at the airport and kissed her like they were the only two people on Earth. His last words were "Usako." He has taken countless blows and stabs in Usagi's place, and she has for him too.

We saw them fall in love over and over, as Serenity and Endymion, and as Bunhead and Jerkface. Even when brainwashed initially in Season 1, Mamoru couldn’t bring himself to hurt her and kept unconsciously helping her succeed. You can brainwash him, kill him, erase his memory, separate him from her, but there is nothing you can do to make Mamoru’s love for Usagi fade. In the words of Toru Furuya, the voice of Mamoru: "He loves Sailor Moon and Tsukino Usagi with his whole heart. I think he’s a very great person."

Finally, Tuxedo Mask gives Sailor Moon strength; he supports her to become the best superhero he knows she can be. He does his best to help the Senshi in battle, but it’s a story about girls protecting the world. Takeuchi wrote this character to fit that narrative; he is one of the characters she holds dearest in her heart. Few people can really understand the beauty of Usako and Mamo together and how Sailor Moon is breaking the stereotypes of gender roles. If you can’t understand that, it’s your loss.

Tuxedo Mask is the hero Tuxedo Mask haters deserve, but not the one they need right now, so they’ll hunt him. Because he can take it, because he’s not a hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Moonlight Knight.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#sailor moon #tuxedo mask #usagi #usagi tsukino #usamamo #mamoru x usagi #usagi x mamoru #pgsm #sailor moon aesthetic #sailor moon crystal #anime #90s anime #mamoru chiba #mamoru #pretty guardian sailor moon

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fabuloustrash05 · 4 years ago

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Courting a Salamandrian

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Words: 2531

Warnings: None.

Author’s Notes: All I got to say is that I’ve been looking forward to writing this chapter since I first started this fanfic and now it’s finally out and done! I hope you like it as much as I do! Also, similarly to Chapter 2 with Raph’s POV, this chapter will be through the POV of Mona, just to avoid confusion.

~~~~~

Chapter 6: An Unwanted Guest

Night begins to fall. Perfect time for me to be out on the streets again. I leave April’s apartment through the window, taking the fire escape - the same way I came in. Before I descend, I look out onto the city. The tall buildings begin to glow and the streets start to light up. New York is beautiful in the evening. The stars compete with the buildings’ luminescence. The city is also lovely during the day, too. But sadly, daylight hours are not for my kind. Nightfall is the only time when mutants, and myself, find it safe to venture outside of our lair. It is only then that we have a lower chance of being spotted by humans. Yet sometimes that chance is worth the risk. The taste of the short lived freedom is worth it.

It's a shame we are not allowed to be out during the day. Maybe it's for the best. Bishop created these rules saying it's for our own good. Gosh, the city is more alive during the day! People are everywhere living their lives, crowded streets awake with chatter and activity. Humans of all kinds. I remember Donatello has explained to me that some humans can’t accept things that are different. But luckily there are some who do, like April, Casey, and Karai. Perhaps one day, mutants will be accepted by society - and my friends and I can be free from Bishop’s laws.

By the time I made it back to the Mutanimals lair, a large abandoned warehouse on the lower east side of Manhattan, it was fully dark outside. Carefully glancing at my surroundings one final time to ensure no humans saw me, I ducked inside.

Dr. Rockwell was checking up on Mondo Gecko, who was lying on an old rundown couch. Mondo was now wearing a cast on his right leg, after his quick loss to Slash in their one on one fight early this morning. Leatherhead was peering over the couch talking with Mondo.

Without looking up, Rockwell says to me, “Welcome back, Y’gythgba.”

I walk up to Rockwell and the others. “Hello, Rockwell. How’s Mondo Gecko?”

“He’s fine.” Rockwell answered, “He just needs to rest. He’ll feel better in-”

“Nooooo!” Mondo whines, interrupting Rockwell as he grabs his arm. “I-I don’t think... I’m gonna…” He coughs, “make it…”

Rockwell rolls his eyes as Mondo continues his over exaggerated performance.

“Mona Lisa,” he coughs again, “these may be my last moments here… but maybe a kiss from a lovely lady like yourself will-”

“NO!” I said, giving him a serious glare.

Mondo jerks up from the couch, completely healthy, and shrugs, “Eh, worth a shot.”

Leatherhead chuckles at Mondo as he pats him gently on the head.

“I can’t believe you're still on this team after all this time,” Rockwell mumbles to himself, loud enough for Mondo to hear him, as he packs up the medical supplies. Mondo turns to Rockwell with a shocked yet offended look. Rockwell then gets up and returns to his cluttered desk. It’s amazing he gets anything done with so many computer screens and monitors crowding the desktop. Yet, he needs them to patrol the outside of the warehouse. A better security system I have yet to see.

“Oh good, you’re back,” a gravelly voice interrupts my thoughts. I turn to see my friend and leader, Slash. “How was your time with April?”

“Oh, it was very nice. I always enjoy her company.”

“And no one saw you?”

“No, Slash. I was safe.”

“Well, you did take a big risk going out,” Slash reminded me. “You know we're not supposed to go out during the day.”

“Like you’re any better,” Mondo said, still lying on the couch. “He left a little while after you did, Mona.”

“I agree with Jason,” Rockwell said. “Slash, I saw you sneak out.” He sighs, “I don’t understand why you all insist on going out during the day when you know there’s rules.”

Slash’s eyes widened, knowing he had been caught.

“Well, why did you leave, Slash?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “It's not like you to disobey Bishop’s rules.”

Slash was silent, a look of embarrassed shock frozen on his face.

“He probably left to go woo that foxy fox again.” Mondo Gecko laughs.

“Alopex and I are just friends!” Slash said annoyed, “And beside I wanted to discuss with her the topic of joining the Mighty Mutanimals.”

“I thought Alopex already told you she’s not interested in joining the team?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips as I smirked at Slash.

“You like her!” Mondo exclaims like a small child. “When will you just admit it?!”

Slash ignores Mondo’s teasing and leaves the room, without adding another comment.

Leatherhead giggles at Mondo’s over exaggeration, then looks at me. “Since training ended early today, Slash and I decided to have another session later tonight. Will you be joining us?”

I smile. “You know I always enjoy a good sparring session, Leatherhead, but I will have to decline for today.”

Leatherhead continues, “Very well. We will be starting later, so if you change your mind and wish to join us, you can.”

I nod and head off to my bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I survey my quarters. It is quite a small space, but it suits me. Slash has told me it used to belong to a former member of their team, but they don’t ever talk about him. Raphael did tell me once that he knew him as “the world's most useless mutant”.

Everyone was so welcoming and helpful, putting together my room when the Mutanimals offered for me to stay with them. April gave me some bedsheets and blankets for my bed that used to belong to her, lovely fabrics of a dark ruby color with a detailed pattern of pretty pink flowers. Although the pattern isn’t my style and I often wear blue, pink has always been my favorite color. Leo gave me some Spaceheroes posters to decorate the walls. There are also photographs of my friends, my Commander, and of course of my beloved Raphael and I.

Shinigami helped with my closet, giving me many new options for Earth clothing. Like my favorite blue sweater I’m currently wearing. It’s been so long since I’ve worn my original armor, but I still keep it in a second closet in my room - an arsenal of my armor and my weapons. Then finally there is my sword, mounted on the wall over my bed like a trophy. I haven't needed it in some time. No reason to carry a big plasma sword around when there are no criminals to fight. I still wear my wrist blasters from my old armor, just in case. Even when I’m not fighting, they do make a lovely accessory.

I lay down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. My mind cluttered with thoughts of the Earth tradition, marriage. An entire ceremony is put together for a couple who wish to join lives, just because they love one another. It sounds so wonderful. Being married and sharing a life together as a husband and a wife.

Then I remember what Raphael and I talked about last night. We're already in each other’s lives so maybe there's no point in getting married. Maybe it's best we stay the way we are...

Suddenly there was a knock on my door, “Mona?” Slash said from behind the door. I sat up from my bed, got up and walked to the door, opening it.

“Yes, Slash?”

“Hey, Mona,” Slash said looking rather confused. “Um, I hate to bother you, but Bishop is here. He said he wants to talk to you.”

Bishop? Why is he here? What could he want with me? Even Slash seems unsure of why the Utrom is here.

I leave my room, following Slash to where I see Bishop with the rest of the team. He stood there in his black suit, all seriousness and control. He was looking at my friends like how he always looks at mutants -- disgusted, like they are nothing more than low class citizens.

Slash and I join the Mutanimals. Bishop glares at me with that stern look always on his face. Never able to tell what he is thinking.

“Lieutenant Y’gythgba,” his greeting cold, emotionless.

I hold my head up high, “Bishop. What brings you to Earth? Your update inspection for us isn't for another few weeks.”

“I’ve actually come to talk to you,” he said, “I was going over my files this afternoon and I found this. “ He pulls out a hologram touch screen showing some written files. “This is the contract the Utrom council created for you as part of your stay on Earth. According to these terms, you’ve been given permission to stay on planet Earth,” he continues, quoting from the contract, “as long as you are of use to this planet and its beings, such as assisting Earth in any cosmic threats, attacks, plagues, etc.”

“Yes, I am aware,” I said.

“Good, Lieutenant. Then, why are you still here?” Bishop asked.

My eyes widen. “W-what?”

“You and your Commander have agreed with the council and myself that you would remain on Earth to assist the planet if there were any future Insectoid, Triceraton, Kraang, or any intergalactic threat.” His tone is sharp, curt.

“Bishop, there hasn’t been any cosmic threats in a few years. This planet has been perfectly safe thanks to the Turtles.”

“Exactly. As long as your presence had utility to be on this planet, then you were permitted to stay. However, as you agree, Lieutenant, this planet has been at peace for years now. I think it’s safe to say that our agreement is no longer necessary, and neither is your presence.”

I stayed silent. In a way, he’s right. I mean, there hasn’t been any serious problems on this planet in a while. Only a few crimes here and there, but nothing major. Is my presence even worth being here? As a warrior, I am no longer fulfilling my purpose on this planet. Do I even have a purpose?

Bishop continued, “According to the rules created by the EPF and I, only Earthlings are allowed on Earth, unless the non-earthling has an objective to stay. Since you have no importance here anymore, you will be escorted back to Salamandria by-”

“She’s not going anywhere,” Slash says, interrupting Bishop as he places his hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah!” Mondo Gecko proclaimed, stepping in front of me, puffing his chest out acting like a guard dog. “You may not think that she’s important, but she is to us!”

“She’s very useful, even if it is not for battle,” Leatherhead added. “She’s our friend. We’d hate to see her go.”

Rockwell agreed. “And not just to us, but to Karai, Ms. O’Neil, and the Turtles.”

“Especially Raphael,” Slash added with a smile as he looked at me.

I shyly smiled at my friends. Their comments were so kind, it warmed my heart. They care about me and they want me to stay.

Bishop was having none of this sentimentality. He was obviously annoyed, glaring at me.

“I’m sorry, Bishop, but I am not leaving.”

My body began to slightly shake. Just saying “no” to him is a death sentence.

Bishop stepped forward, pushing Mondo Gecko, who still stood in front of me, out of his way. He leaned close to the side of my face. I could feel his breath on my cheek.

“Isn’t it a Salamandrian’s sworn duty to fight for honor and glory?” he softly growled. “A life dedicated to battle. You’re just wasting your life away with these mutants. You have no worth being here with them and being on this planet.”

“I-I may not be needed for battle,” I said strongly, trying to hide my worries, “but I’m needed by my friends on Earth, and that is what's important. I’m sure the rest of the council will understand...”

Bishop scoffs, stepping away from me. “Earth has made you weak.”

“T-that’s not true!” I said shaking, “Earth is my home-”

“You’re not of Earth!” Bishop says angrily as he raises his voice to me. “You’re just a guest who has ... overstayed their welcome.”

I say nothing. I don’t know if he’s right or wrong. Should I be letting him say these things to me? Why am I not fighting back? Is he right?

Leatherhead places his hand on my shoulder to comfort me as he looks at Bishop and snarls. Mondo Gecko holds my arm and looks at me worriedly, as Rockwell looks at the Utrom with an angry glare.

Slash gazes directly at Bishop, “I think it’s time you leave, Bishop.”

Bishop stayed silent as he glared at us. He sighs with annoyance, fixing his tie. Finally, in a proper tone of voice, “Very well then, I’ll go.” He turns away from us and begins to walk to the exit.

Just before walking through the door, he stops dead in his tracks, and turns and looks over his shoulder. His cold eyes peered through his dark sunglasses and met mine from across the room, sending a chill up my spine.

“You can either leave this planet peacefully, or I’ll remove you from this planet by force. Either way, I will get you off this planet.” And with this vow still echoing in the room, he leaves, slamming the door behind him.

“That… was weird,” Mondo Gecko commented once Bishop was gone.

“Hmm, I wonder what that was all really about…” Slash thought out loud to us.

“Don’t look at me,” Rockwell said. “I can never read his thoughts. His mind is like a steel trap.”

“But whatever it was for,” Leatherhead added, “It seemed as if he was trying to warn you, Mona Lisa.”

“Or threaten me…” I added. “Why is he so desperate to get me to leave…?”

“Don’t let him get to you, Mona,” said Slash, trying to cheer me up. “He’s always tried to scare us mutants. He pulls every insult at us just to bring us down like he did with you.”

“Well, now you’re really one of us freaks!” Mondo joked before Rockwell smacked his arm, silencing him. “OW!” he cried.

Slash was right. I shouldn’t let this bother me, however I don’t understand Bishop’s sudden crude attitude. I knew from the beginning he was unhappy with my decision of staying on Earth, but he never took action. He told me that he’ll get me off this planet, but why? Is there something planned or something soon to come? Did I do something wrong? Or is he right, I have no purpose anymore to be on Earth. Maybe I’m not needed anymore, but my friends say I am.

A Salamandrian’s purpose is to fight.

I’ve haven’t done that in so long. Am I even worth being called a Salamandrian warrior? What’s my purpose?

I know Bishop. He’s not going to let this slide. He’ll do anything to get his way, he could hurt me, or worse, my friends. Maybe Bishop is right. Perhaps it's best I…

Must ignore these thoughts running through my head. I can’t let this bother me right now. I need to clear my mind and do something to help me relax.

“Hey, Leatherhead!” I said, “On second thought, I would love to join you and Slash for a sparring session!”

~~~~~

[TAGS]

@waferreyes for making the cover

@monarel @starfiretheninja @ryebread-02 @terra-mations @nerdgirllife @cesarin @kiaratheleo @petrichormeraki @watermelon-beauty-queen

(If you would like to be on the tag list to be updated on the newest chapters, message me and let me know!)

#courting a salamandrian #chapter 6 #my fanfic #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt mona lisa #y’gythgba #the mighty mutanimals #tmnt slash #leatherhead #dr rockwell #mondo gecko #agent bishop #tmnt raphael

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ftalos · 4 years ago

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Storm Over Rivayle: Reviewing the Portalcraft Cards. [Rotation Format]

Storm Over Rivayle is right around the corner, prerelease starts tomorrow and we finally got the whole set revealed. Overall, the whole set seems refreshing, almost every dominant playstyle from FOH’s era got few support cards (some of those seem like “strong enough” additions, though), with Swordcraft being the biggest exception and my most feared. Portalcraft, the main topic of this post, got interesting support, so let’s check them and rate them individually.

Bronze cards:

Mechanical Designs: This card is a strong start for this list, a powerful cycle card that fits really well in the “Remaining PP” Playstyle (Commonly known as Float, I just call it PPortal). What stands out about this card is that its leader effect is stackable, a tempting but dangerous condition; watch your hand size constantly if playing pure PPortal, puppet-based variants should not be worried. 4.5/5

Wretch: Mostly a token card, there are better options to play on curve when going second (Absolute Modesty, Dimension dominator, the new gold), and going first you tend to use your turn 4 for “Remaining PP” effects, or filling board with artifacts. Use only in special/meme decks or for the amulet, though Portalcraft has a lot of rush followers. 1/5

Stringmaster: Now this is a strong follower, puppet decks rejoice! Just need one puppet and the count for “destroyed followers” ramps. Low cost, perfect for every control/destruction deck. 4/5.

Yo-Yo Beam Girl: Now I won’t say she’s a bad card. There are times when artifact tends to brick on the early game, more than one would like (though you get used to it), and she can fit in the deck the same way Robotic Engineer did (I remember some people not wanting to put the boi in their decks and turned out he ended up being really good). She’s useful to enable Free Evo Lucille on turn 5, or just deduct your paradigm shift, so why not give her the spot Artifact Duplicator is opening? 3/5

Silver Cards:

Scavenge: Now this card shines more for its potential than its utility in the current meta. Here is the list of cards you can currently get back and, judging by it, it seems like a good card for PPortal’s midgame, but definitely not the best. 2/5

Railmender Coyote: It’s first effect seems interesting, good synergy with Amets but she has better targets. Aggro decks will love it, but not too much. 2/5

Capsule Homunculus: I lost it at this card, in a good way. Portalcraft might end up becoming the 0-cost class at this pace, but Artifact Scan is still the most broken of them all. Now, talking about this card, she’s good, nice sustain or burn, I see him working well with barrage brawler on early and Vesha in late (Dimensional dominator plays part on this). Might also be the reason Portal has fewer vehicle amulets (don’t quote me on this). 4.5/5

Gold Cards:

Elemental Brink: It’s… not a bad effect, but it’s a waste of rarity. Damn, another 0-cost spell. The “random” part is, as usual, bypassable, so don’t worry about it. Nice art, though, love the girl. 3/5

Carnelia, Servant of Darkness: The translators went with Carnelia instead of Jasper, it’s not the first time they decide to avoid or change the gem name in favor or another one (Spine[l] into Spinaria, Rutile into Lucille, Teal into Tylle) but it still rubs me the wrong way. Nevertheless, the card is good, just by getting the Guardform Golem you’re in a good spot, easing your need for Vertex Colony’s crystallize effect. If you want to evolve her, feel free to do so, it won’t be a waste with the amount of free evolves Artifact Portal has. 5/5

Legendary Cards:

Iceschillendrig, Gilded Autocrat: He. Is. Really. Hot. He might see some use in artifact deck thanks to Artifact Duplicator leaving rotation, the Paradigm Shift Artifacts triggering Magitrain’s Maneuver and the amazing spell he provides in Fanfare. Triggering his invocation effect will require testing and/or more support, specially from puppets, so stay tuned. A good follower to drop on curve nonetheless. 4.5/5.

Illganeau, Horror Astray: She. Is. Really. Hot. No, seriously, Portalcraft might have gotten the hottest legendaries this expansion, except for, maybe, Nachnaught. His fanfare effect isn’t as hard to fulfill (use evo if facing banish decks), and opening with more than one of her is actually encouraged. Solid winning condition, consider using her token to raise your “destroyed followers” count or dealing with the board if you get more than one. Ideal use in puppet-based decks, may be clunky in Artifact builds, and PPortal can welcome her. Could there be a strong synergy with scavenge? 4/5.

There you have it, in comparison with other classes (cough Swordcraft cough) Portalcraft might be on the weaker side of support this expansion, but Artifact won’t stop being a viable deck thanks to Modesty and Colony still being around. PPortal and puppets might have a raise in playrate on early expansion and prerelease, with PPortal being my safe bet on reaching a good place in tierlists.

Stay on.

#shadowverse #shadowverse ccg #card review #portalcraft #シャドウバース

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eviesmyspiritanimal · 5 years ago

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Reacquisition of Property

Summary: When Evie goes to reclaim one of her mother’s jewels from Uma’s first mate, she discovers that it will not be quite as simple as she originally anticipated. For this is no average victim of her routine seduction. Hevie and maybe a tiny tad of Huma if you’re into wishful thinking. Yet another of the disconnected oneshots that have no influence on my main stories. Except for it is maybe lightly mentioned in "Girls' Trip" when Mal's trying to embarrass Evie.

A blue-clad form peeked out from behind the corner, looking to see if the captain of the fine ship docked just in front of her was anywhere nearby.

To her relief, there was absolutely no one there besides the crew and a few other stragglers that didn’t particularly belong to any group. The bluenette scanned the pier and smiled to herself as she homed in on the sight of Harry Hook standing there on the ship, surveying the other guys who were working.

However, a particular aspect of this view especially caught her eye. He was toying with a gigantic jewel in the hand that was not covered with the hook belonging to his father. It was perfect.

Evie took one more look around before stepping outside of her hiding place. She shook her head for a moment, not believing that she was doing this, and especially without Mal and the other two. But they had assured her that she would be fine since they knew that Uma was scheduled to be out that day doing something on the Isle.

Evie began her trek down to the boat and sighed as she went over her mental checklist.

She would first find any information that she could for Mal and their gang.

And most importantly she would obtain the jewel that Uma’s crew had stolen from her mother. By any method of persuasion.

The part about stealing the jewel was probably the most difficult of her objectives, and Evie couldn’t help but wish that Jay would just sneak into Uma’s ship and steal it when no one was awake or looking. But when her mother got in one of those moods where she wanted what she wanted right then, there was certainly no disputing her. She couldn’t even wait until that night for what she wanted.

Evie headed down the rattling stairs, hoping that they wouldn’t fall through underneath her weight, and stepped onto the platform nearby the ship. She looked over at the pirate that was standing not too far from her, hoping to catch his gaze.

Sure enough, before she knew it, he was staring back at her. A wild grin sprung upon his face, and he stalked across the deck and onto the dock where Evie was watching. But not before firmly tucking the prized jewel in the left pocket of his coat. She kept the disappointment off of her face. It was going to be infinitely more difficult to swipe it from him now.

“Ahoy, there, gorgeous,” he wolf-whistled at her and Evie resisted the urge to roll her eyes in response. He moved in closer, officially stepping into the berth that she mentally considered her seducing circle.

“What brings a scrumptious little snack such as yourself to the big-bad wolf’s part of town?” Harry asked her, focusing on certain parts of her body for a little longer than she was particularly comfortable with.

“I kind of got lost navigating your territory. Where’s Uma?” Evie questioned, the first thing out of her mouth. He stopped, laughing at her before poking out his bottom lip mockingly.

“All business? I’m disappointed.”

“Well, a lady’s got to do what a lady’s got to do,” Evie winked, trying to throw him off just a little. She threw in a winning smile just for good measure, anticipating his sudden transformation into putty in her hands.

However, he just stepped a little closer to her, his blue eyes sparkling with a bit of dangerous mischief as he eyed her carefully.

“That’s cute, but methinks you’re up to a wee bit more than ye let on,” Harry gently traced his hook along her jaw before quickly turning to face the ship. “After all, Mal wouldn’t let one of ‘er dearest pets wander off into our territory unless there was an ulterior motive behind it all.”

Evie’s eyes widened as she realized that he might be a little less stupid than she thought. So she quickly made the decision to turn on that alluring charm that her mother had so firmly instilled within her.

Evie immediately lowered her eyelids, smiling mysteriously as she walked over to him before tracing her hands on his shoulders and slowly running them down his back. He immediately stiffened, and a low growl built in his throat in response to her ministrations.

“It’s too bad Uma’s bad boy can’t help little old me just this once. I really am quite lost despite your suspicions, and I’m sure I could repay you for your,” she trailed off for a moment, purposefully dragging her fingernails against the muscles of his back, “trouble.”

Harry slowly turned to face her, and against her will, she felt a flutter of attraction at the intense look in his almost glowing blue eyes. The corners of his lips slowly curved into a smile as he gave her a quick onceover, leaning against the railing of the pier. Evie intensely willed herself not to swallow hard in response to his raking gaze.

“Today’s yer lucky day, Pretty Face,” he pushed off the rail after a moment, watching her carefully as he moved in closer. She couldn’t help but fall a little deeper into the depths of those strangely entrancing eyes as he drew even closer than he had been.

“Uma’s not here on account of ‘spying on Mal,’” Harry informed her, air-quoting with his free hand that was not firmly holding his hook. Evie couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows in mild shock.

“Now, now, there’s nothin’ ye can do about it, so ye might as well tell me where ye want to be goin’. I’ll help you out. Methinks that the boys can handle ‘emselves. Eh, boys?!” he called out to the crew, and since the lot of the were nearby listening to the conversation and drooling over Evie, they quickly agreed with him.

Evie forced her face back into that easygoing flirtatious grin, knowing that she needed to draw him away from everyone and steal what her mother had demanded. The bluenette moved closer to him, taking her finger and tracing his hook carefully and deliberately as she delivered a scorching look aimed to melt him on the spot.

Luckily for her, he seemed to be going for it hook, line, and sinker, pun not intended. His eyes were locked on her as she started off the pier and in the direction of the alleyways, swaying her hips with each step. Harry practically ran after her, wasting no time in following.

As soon as she entered the alleyway, she felt his presence just behind her. Her heart unwillingly skipped a beat as they walked, and it nearly stopped entirely when his breaths started falling down her neck and he took hold of one of her arms with his free hand.

“Ye mind informin’ me of what that payment’s goin’ to be? I never take any bargain without knowin’ what I’m gettin’ in return,” he huskily whispered in her ear, his accent thick with each word he spoke. Evie shivered involuntarily and decided that she needed to give him at least a little taste of what she was supposedly promising so she could keep him following her.

She tilted her head around nuzzling his neck with her nose, placing a small kiss against his throat before stepping out of his quick grasp. Evie offered him a confident smile.

“Come with me a little further and I might let you cash in early for your ‘trouble,’ you hunk,” she accentuated in a sultry tone, and she turned away before she could see his response. The desire in his eyes and the intensity in his brow was already throwing her off-guard, leaving her a bit breathless and weak in the knees.

They moved deeper into the darker parts of the Isle, until she decided that she was far enough from the others that she might could swipe the jewel from his pocket and also escape through the darkness.

Evie stopped, and she felt the hard planes of his stomach and chest bumping into her. Before he could even begin to speak, Evie spun and pushed him toward the wall, attacking him in a rough kiss in an attempt to distract him from her ulterior motives.

His free arm immediately grabbed her around the waist, dragging her against him firmly as he returned her kiss with as much vigor as she had began it with.

Evie was afraid that her workings to distract Harry were working a little too well in the much unintended effect of sending her into a dizzy almost intoxicated state. As a closet hopeless romantic, Evie desperately tried to avoid kissing boys if she could when she was forced to seduce them for whatever reason. She tended to get a little too absorbed in the kiss similarly to her victim.

However, this was not an ordinary victim, so she knew she needed to keep her head, despite her conviction that this was probably the best kiss she had ever experienced and that she would love to keep going with it for a while longer. She casually ran her hands down his chest and coat lapels in a feather-like touch, subtly utilizing her thumbs to search for the jewel in his pocket.

She smiled into the kiss as she identified the valuable rock with her finger. Evie eased her hands across his sides and subtly slipped her hand in his pocket just as she intensified the kiss, throwing every last bit of passion that she could muster.

“HARRY! It’s a trick! She’s after the treasure!” a loud voice sounding suspiciously like Uma’s suddenly shouted, growing ever closer. Evie latched her fingers around the jewel, separating from Harry’s lips with a loud pop, and took off as fast as she could in the direction of VK turf.

She could hear Uma yelling something at Harry as their footsteps started pounding after her. Evie frowned, really hoping that it wouldn’t be long before she met Mal and the others. She knew they’d be lingering around nearby where she was supposed to leave Uma’s territory.

Evie put her long legs to good use, despite the fact that she was in heels, and she ran quickly through the alleyways, navigating them effortlessly. She only slowed down when she was sure she couldn’t hear Uma or her crew anywhere behind her.

However, to her complete shock, she spotted Harry just in front of her, presumably looking around for her. She sucked in a breath, her eyes wide as she froze, hoping he wouldn’t see her. He happened to turn his head and his eyes widened as he spotted her standing in the alleyway.

Evie looked at him pleadingly, hoping he knew and could understand that this jewel was the determining factor in whether or not she was locked in her castle for days on end. He locked eyes with her for a long moment, not saying a word.

“Please,” she mouthed, hoping that he would let her go. She really wanted to keep seeing the sun and enjoy being outside. It was so horrible to spend her time in that dank castle with her constantly nagging and reprimanding mother.

Harry turned his head in what Evie was sure was Uma’s direction and Evie braced herself for her awaiting doom, furrowing her brow in an attempt to steel her expression in a bravery that she certainly didn’t naturally possess surrounding the prospect of being captured.

“She musta got away! Might as well head on back to the ship!” Harry called out as he gazed at Evie with an oddly sincere expression on his face.

Evie was completely baffled by his unexpected assist. There was absolutely no reason for him to help her, yet he had done it. And against what she was sure was his captain’s direct orders. She knew exactly how much he valued his captain’s favor, but he still risked it in favor of her getting away safely, even with their treasure.

Evie couldn’t help but laugh breathlessly, barely a sound coming out of her, and she smiled at him, trying to convey her gratitude in that one gesture but knowing that she couldn’t tell him thank you out loud or enough to make up for the amount of pain and suffering she would have had to go through if she didn’t have that jewel when she came back to her mother.

He nodded slightly in response, his lips quirking in a slight grin before he disappeared from sight around the corner.

Evie stood there for a moment, leaning against the nearby wall as she reeled with overwhelming relief and pure surprise.

Harry Hook had actually done something for her. He had risked his credibility and standing as one of the most elite members of Uma’s crew just for one of the most elite members of the enemy.

Evie pushed off of the wall, suspecting that they were probably gone, yet at the same time hoping for at least a glance of a coattail or brim of a hat that indicated his presence. Despite her slight disappointment that he had completely disappeared, Evie couldn’t help the huge grin that sprouted across her face at the very thought of it all as she bit her lip, hurrying through the alleyways back to her gang.

A forbidden act of kindness and a fluttering attraction that could go nowhere given the circumstances. It was depressing, yet…

It was all sort of romantic, really…

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appalachiananarchist · 6 years ago

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Hi Kaitlyn! Your post on matching popped up on my dash, congrats! I was poking around your blog, and I realized I'm not super educated on anarchy. Would you be willing to sum up the aim and the vision, in your point of view? I know you're probably busy getting ready for your move, so I understand if you can't! I've just been feeling ultra frustrated with some of the "realities" of medicine in America lately, so I'm intrigued!

I am going to begin with a Lucy Parsons quote that I love: “The philosophy of anarchism is included in the word “Liberty”; yet it is comprehensive enough to include all things else that are conducive to progress. No barriers whatever to human progression, to thought, or investigation are placed by anarchism; nothing is considered so true or so certain, that future discoveries may not prove it false; therefore, it has but one infallible, unchangeable motto, “Freedom.” Freedom to discover any truth, freedom to develop, to live naturally and fully.”

In a literal sense, anarchism means a system with “no rulers.” It places at its core respect for the absolute autonomy of all people—that is, the ability to live as you please without domination by another. It fights against rulers, authorities, bosses, and any others who restrict the autonomy or will of another person by forcing, coercing, dominating, or hurting them. Not only do anarchists oppose power/authority/rulers based on our ideals, but we oppose them practically: we have seen, as evidenced by history, that power is inevitably and always abused to cause more harm than good, no matter how “good” the initial intentions were. In summary, anarchists oppose all manifestations of power in society for both practical and ideological reasons, the two most well-known manifestations of this being the state and capitalism.

We oppose capitalism and the state because the offending parties dominate, or control and inhibit the full autonomy of others, within a territory they claim to own. Some will excuse their domination by saying that if they have a rightful ownership claim to the land, they have the right to control what happens on it, who enters is, and how the people inside it may conduct themselves. Anarchists do not agree that they have any sort of rightful ownership over these properties, so say their (often violent and brutal) control is in direct opposition to freedom. Even the most lenient anarchists, such as myself, stick with a strict occupancy-and-use vision of ownership, which would still disqualify the claims of capitalists and states as legitimate (if you dig deeper into what that idea means, which is outside the scope of your question). Some anarchists deny land ownership entirely. There are lots of flavors of us, but all of us agree that both the state and capitalists have no exclusive right to what they claim, so should not have exclusive control over it or the other people interacting with it.

It is also worth noting that anarchists are aware and consider the ways in which states and capitalists obtained and maintain their power over these properties, and how they are also in opposition to freedom. For example, capitalists and the state are infamous for taking over land and resources from populations that were already using it using state military/police powers and then selling its use back to the original inhabitants in the form of rented properties or wage labor. Capitalists will employ state police and military power to harm workers who attempt to unionize or strike or gain better conditions. For example, during the coal wars in central Appalachia where I’m from, the US government got involved and even dropped a bomb on strikers. Capitalists also use their wealth to influence the state, which enabled them to more easily abuse workers and damage the environment. To quote Parsons yet again, “Never be deceived that the rich will permit you to vote away their wealth.” States start wars in the name of resources and power, killing innocents globally. These are just a very, very few examples of the sort of nonsense state and capitalist agents get away with—all of it in opposition to freedom.

So that’s what we fight AGAINST—now I’ll talk about what we fight FOR. Let me start by saying not one of us believes in utopia. We recognize our ideal world will still be imperfect, as all visions will be—attempting to legislate away those imperfections will always fail and replace old problems with new ones. Anarchism is a set of guiding principles, a process more than a result: the process of always striving for liberation. There is no set, perfect anarchist society we all envision in unison. Communities could take many unique forms and still be anarchist.

I have explained that we oppose domination of one person over another—what we promote is cooperation and free association. Anarchists promote replacing hierarchical structures in society (governments and businesses) with horizontal ones; ones where people are meeting the needs of their community by cooperating and working together freely as equals, not as boss-bossed, ruler-ruled, or owner-owned. And there’s always the option to go live on your own somewhere, but humans are social and most would not choose that. Without a state, you are likely looking at smaller communities of people self-governing, utilizing democratic decision-making among all in the community who wished to be involved in any large-scale decision that affects multiple people. Decisions or projects that affected only you would be made entirely by you, or done entirely by you.

One thing some anarchists have often proposed is a committee system, which is comprised of all who wish to be involved in a community-wide decision, with democratically elected delegated to perform certain tasks. Delegates are instantly abolished if they act beyond what their initial task was. If communities are associating with each other, they too would need to operate democratically using a similar system on a larger scale. If you want a more specific idea of what something like this could potentially look like, you can read here. I’ll quote something from that source:

“The key difference between a statist or hierarchical system and an anarchist community is who wields power. In a parliamentary system, for example, people give power to a group of representatives to make decisions for them for a fixed period of time. Whether they carry out their promises is irrelevant as people cannot recall them till the next election. Power lies at the top and those at the base are expected to obey. Similarly, in the capitalist workplace, power is held by an unelected minority of bosses and managers at the top and the workers are expected to obey.”

Just know that this is ONE vision of how anarchism would work, and likely not all communities would operate this way. Many anarchists aren’t too fond of this system—and that’s expected. We are not looking for a single top-down approach, and there are actually multiple different flavors of anarchism that approach these things a little differently. But we are all unified in a desire for freedom, and opposition to domination.

Anyway, I am trying to give the sparknotes on an ideology with a massive and rich history, described and even practiced in depth by people much smarter than me. For that reason, I am going to leave some links for reading that might flesh out some of what I’ve said, and if there are specific questions, please feel free to ask them. And my other anarchist followers, please clarify any unclear things I said, add your input, or give recommendations for reading! It benefits us all.

This page is nice because its lists LOTS of anarchist texts sorted by author

An Anarchist FAQ - MUCH more detailed than anything I could write

A Lifelong Anarchist by Lucy Parsons, since I quoted it

Anarchism and Other Essays by Emma Goldman, because I like her stuff

#i think i just rambled for two pages #thanks benadryl #anarchism #anarchy #my ramblings

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danielarzani78-blog · 5 years ago

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brittanyyoungblog · 6 years ago

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100+ Love Quotes for Him to Let Him Know You Care

No matter how old your relationship is it can always benefit from some simple words of affirmation. But while feelings come naturally, it’s not always the case for words. If you’re having trouble finding the words to express how you feel to your man, don’t worry—we found them for you.

Here are some of our favorite love quotes for him to let the man in your life know how important he is to you.

1. “My heart is and always will be yours.”–Jane Austen

2. “If I had to choose between breathing and loving you I would use my last breath to tell you I love you.”–DeAnna Anderson

3. “The scariest thing about distance is you don’t know if they’ll miss you or forget about you.”–Nicholas Sparks

4. “I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.”–J.R.R. Tolkien

5. “I love you as one loves certain dark things, secretly, bet`ween the shadow and the soul.”–Pablo Neruda

6. “Promise me you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would, I’d never leave.”–A.A. Milne

7. “Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.”–Emily Dickinson

8. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

9. “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”–Khalil Gibran

10. “All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.”– Julie Andrews

11. “Love is energy of life.”–Robert Browning

12. “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”–James A. Baldwin

13. “Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.”–Samuel Johnson

14. “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”–Robert Frost

15. “If you wish to be loved, show more of your faults than your virtues.”–Edward G. Bulwer–Lytton

16. “Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.”–John Lennon

17. “The inner reality of love can be recognized only by love.”–Hans Urs von Balthasar

18. “Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries.”–Truman Capote

19. “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.”–Zora Neale Hurston

20. “We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”–Orson Welles

21. “The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”–Hubert H. Humphrey

22. “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”–William Shakespeare

23. “Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you’re in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.”–Nick Cannon

24. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”– Mignon McLaughlin

25. “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”–Paulo Coelho

26. “Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.”–Helen Keller

27. “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone–we find it with another.”–Thomas Merton

28. “Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object.”–Ram Dass

29. “The heart asks, and love answers”–Amelius

30. “True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice.”–Sadhu Vaswani

31. “The garden of love is green without limit and yields many fruits other than sorrow or joy. Love is beyond either condition: without spring, without autumn, it is always fresh.”–Rumi

32. “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”–Tom Robbins

33. “Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.”–Mother Teresa

34. “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”–Alfred Lord Tennyson

35. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”–Oscar Wilde

36. “Life is a game and true love is a trophy.”–Rufus Wainwright

37. “Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” –Ann Landers

38. “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”–Marc Anthony

39. “Love is a really scary thing, and you never know what’s going to happen. It’s one of the most beautiful things in life, but it’s one of the most terrifying. It’s worth the fear because you have more knowledge, experience, you learn from people, and you have memories.”–Ariana Grande

40. “Love is flower like; Friendship is like a sheltering tree.”–Samuel Taylor Coleridge

41. “I believe in true love, and I believe in happy endings.”–Christie Brinkley

42. “Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.”–Friedrich Nietzsche

43. “No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.”–George Chakiris

44. “:True love doesn’t come to you it has to be inside you.”–Julia Roberts

45. “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.”–Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

46. “Love planted a rose, and the world turned sweet.”–Katharine Lee Bates

47. “True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.”– Torquato Tasso

48. “Love consists in giving without getting in return; in giving what is not owed, what is not due the other. That’s why true love is never based, as associations for utility or pleasure are, on a fair exchange.”–Mortimer Adler

49. “Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.”–Rabindranath Tagore

50. “I love you more than my own skin.”–Frida Kahlo

51. “What I love most about this crazy life is the adventure of it.”–Juliette Binoche

52. “True love bears all, endures all and triumphs.”–Dada Vaswani

53. “True love is no game of the faint–hearted and the weak. It is born of strength and understanding.”–Meher Baba

54. “Two things you will never have to chase: true friends & true love.”–Mandy Hale

55. “In love there are two things—bodies and words.”–Joyce Carol Oates

56. “Only true love can fuel the hard work that awaits you.”–Tom Freston

57. “True love that lasts forever yes, I do believe in it. My parents have been married for 40 years and my grandparents were married for 70 years. I come from a long line of true loves.”–Zooey Deschanel

58. “Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.”–Bertrand Russell

59. “We loved with a love that was more than love.”–Edgar Allan Poe

60. “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”–Antoine de Saint–Exupery

61. “We are most alive when we’re in love.”–John Updike

62. “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”–Ursula K. Le Guin

63. “Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods.”–Plato

64. “Love has no age, no limit; and no death.”–John Galsworthy

65. “True love–that is, deep, abiding love that is impervious to emotional whims or fancy–is a choice. It’s a constant commitment to a person regardless of the present circumstances.”–Mark Manson

66. “True love bears all, endures all and triumphs!”–Dada Vaswani

67. “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”–Henry David Thoreau

68. “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.”–Lucius Annaeus Seneca

69. “Love cures people–both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”–Karl A. Menninger

70. “Love is the power to see similarity in the dissimilar.”–Theodor Adorno

71. “Love is space and time measured by the heart.”–Marcel Proust

72. “If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.”–Lynda Barry

73. “The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.”–Tom Robbins

74. “True love, especially first love, can be so tumultuous and passionate that it feels like a violent journey.” –Holliday Grainger

75. “The romantic love we feel toward the opposite sex is probably one extra help from God to bring you together, but that’s it. All the rest of it, the true love, is the test.” –Joan Chen

76. “It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.” –Steve Maraboli

77. “True love is quiescent, except in the nascent moments of true humility.” –Bryant H. McGill

78. “Love is love’s reward.”–John Dryden

79. “Love is metaphysical gravity.”–R. Buckminster Fuller

80. “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”– Marilyn Monroe

81. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” –Erich Segal

82. “Love is my religion–I could die for it.”– John Keats

83. “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mind are the same.” –Emily Brontë

84. “Love is a better teacher than duty.” – Albert Einstein

85. “Love can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous, without being selfless.”– Mortimer Adler

86. “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” – Voltaire

87. “Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries.” – Truman Capote

88. “Love is the ultimate expression of the will to live.” – Tom Wolfe

89. “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”–Lao Tzu

90. “Love has no errors, for all errors are the want for love.”– William Law

91. “Being in love is the only transcendent experience.”–Armistead Maupin

92. “Choose your love, Love your choice.”–Thomas S. Monson

93. “They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There’s got to be someone for me. It’s not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.” –Henry Rollins

94. “So you do believe in true love? she whispered. I took a deep breath, I think I have to, I said, blinking back tears. Without it, we’re all going nowhere.” –Juliet Marillier

95. “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”–Robert Frost

96. “Love is the attempt to form a friendship inspired by beauty.”–Marcus Tullius Cicero

97. “Love is a game that two can play and both win.”–Eva Gabor

98. “There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving–by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.”–Aldous Huxley

99. “You have half our gifts. I the other. Together we make a whole. Together we are much more powerful.”–Joss Stirling

100. “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep–burning and unquenchable.”–Bruce Lee

101. “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in another, and the delight in the recognition.”– Alexander Smith

102. “I can’t promise you forever, because that’s not long enough.”–Jason Dorsey

103. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”–Robert Munsch

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