#goodreads��

[deadpanwalking]

Could you give us 5 books to read after you’re 30? All anyone online wants to talk about are the books to read before.

Do not answer this, but whoooo the fuck is talking about books that way? What's the meaningful difference between the shit you can read at 28 and the shit you can read at 32? Man, it reeks of Reese Witherspoon's book club, I cannot sanction this buffoonery. Anyway, here goes:

Book That You Never Got Around To Reading by That Author You Enjoy

Favorite Author's Favorite Book by Your Favorite Author's Favorite Author

Book of Collected Short Stories by Author of That One Short Story From English Class That Changed Your Whole Shit in High School

Book That Looks Good by Author You've Never Heard Of

Book You Are Intimidated By by Author Who Had No Vested Interest in Your Self-Esteem When They Wrote It

[myjetpack]

My cartoon for this weekend’s Guardian books.

[theleakypen]

Don’t Add Fanfiction To Your Goodreads Shelf

Hi folks, I know some of you like to use Goodreads to track all your reading and don’t want to distinguish between books and fanfiction.

I am, however, begging you not to do this. It is extremely jarring and disconcerting to be a fic author and find your works somewhere in the wild where you did not personally put them. Fics are not books, are not published in the same way as books, and exist in a precarious legal space.

Please don’t attempt to elide the separation that exists between fandom and the world of official publishing.

update to add: for those folks learning about this for the first time and freaking out, I did a reblog of this with guidelines about how to get your fic taken down!

[podcastwizard]

modern day moby dick but my white whale is a middle grade fantasy novel i read when i was like eleven and haven't been able to find again

[artigas]

say what you will about jack rackham but the man knew how to serve cunt. I don’t just mean his dandy little outfits, either. or the fact that he remained best friends with his gay ex. or the fact that he imprinted on a het beefcafe like a duckling and spent much of his life navigating the messy waters of “do i want to be him or do i want to be with him?”. I mean that Jack Rackham got arrested by a homicidal colonist, was facing imprisonment (if not outright execution), and literally his first instinct was to read woodes rogers for filth over his memoir. my guy really sat down in his office, took a gulp of his wine, and said: “you’re shit, you look like shit, your self-importance is shit, and your book was a snore. your memoir is literally in my dnf pile. it sucked ass.” every time i watch black sails i mourn the fact that jack rackham didn’t live to see the invention of poppers.

[drchucktingle]

voting still open for best horror. get in there and vote for BURY YOUR GAYS buckaroos

[trash-panda-no5]

Goodreads 1 star reviews complaining about how the book was trying to be "edgy". Babes you picked up a book about sci-fi necromancers with a cover of an aviator-wearing skull-painted lesbian and you weren't expecting to run into any edge lords or emos? That's not the book's fault, that's a skill issue

[teaandspite]

The Great Goodreads Diss List (Part 1)

Context: For many years now, I have been collecting funny lines from Goodreads reviews to share with my coworkers. (I do collection development, reader's advisory, and weeding at a public library, so I read a LOT of reviews)

Are some of these, perhaps, rather mean? Yes, but they are also very funny, and come from a place of honest frustration. In the tradition of Bargepole threads and lists everywhere, names and titles have been censored.

"First, I want to say that I understand how hard it is to write a book and how amazing it is when it is actually published. Congrats to the author for that accomplishment. That said--"

"Warning: This review will be lengthy due to pure hatred."

"I found myself feeling really, really annoyed with the world that this book is allowed to exist. We live in a universe where the passenger pigeon is extinct but this book goes along merrily being read by unsuspecting lovers of words and ideas and stories? It just seems like too much, you know?"

"Don't do it. Don't spring the cash for the hardcover. Instead, eat an entire bag of Twizzlers, spend some money you don't have at a high-end department store, look up on Facebook the shady college boyfriend that made you cry, research the current value of your home or 401K and then read all about how the big hedge fund managers are faring during the economic crisis. You'll feel about the same stomach pain if you waste your time reading this book."

"This wretched novel begins with the mugging of an old lady and it appears I may be in the process of repeating that loathsome crime as [author] was 78 when she wrote it. It is not nice to put the boot into such a poor defenseless old creature lying there with only a damehood, a Booker Prize and a few million quid. It’s a nasty job but somebody has to do it."

"I think this is the way dead people would write, if they could."

"I am considering setting up SPABB: Society for the Protection of Accurate Book Blurb. This blurb appears to have been written by someone from the publishers who met [the author] the night before, got very drunk, lost his notes and then constructed something in a fug of hangover the next morning."

"I congratulate [the author] on the early half of his book, which was thoroughly fun and made me laugh and think. I congratulate [the author] on the second half of his book, for finishing it. It reads like that was difficult."

"…a woman whose taste in contemporary literature has roughly the same batting average as a pitcher in the National League."

"The author is a pompous windbag."

"Recommends it for: No one. Recommended to me by: A friend who apparently wished to cause me great suffering."

"Makes me wonder: is it possible to obtain similes at a volume discount?"

"The repeated phrases made me want to mail a thesaurus to the author."

"I'm disappointed in myself for finishing this book."

"if the author described [character's] eyes as "obsidian" one more time I was tempted to write her and ask if her thesaurus broke."

"They say that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would, if given infinite time, eventually produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. [This book], on the other hand, would probably take the average monkey just under two hours."

"I can't imagine what the author had to do to get this nadir of Western literature printed on innocent trees, but he does seem to know a LOT about being well-connected in New York."

"This book is so bad it is almost worth reading just to make you appreciate the other books you are reading."

"Reads like it was written by a brilliant author, the night before it was due."

"raises interesting questions, like: can a book be so bad as to constitute an act of terrorism"

"has this author ever spoken to a human woman"

"This acorn has fallen so far from the tree that it can’t even see the forest."

"I’m guessing they are touted as ‘beach reads’ because no one will care if they get dropped into the ocean."

"This book begins with all the energy of a hand vacuum near the end of its battery life, and the pace doesn't quicken much from there."

"At least everybody’s eyes stayed the same color this time around.”

Part 2

Part 3

[toffeeteapot]

your fav characters reading for your goodreads profile pics!

[wiltkingart]

Asche and Vindt from Ocean's Blood by Thelma Mantey

[charlyritter]

I've only been saying that for years

[starstuffandalotofcoffee]

this was a good read

[campusaint]

I wrote a book, you guys (gender neutral)!

WHERE BEAUTIFUL THINGS GO TO DIE is a coming-of-age / romance / thriller about growing up surrounded by crime in Latin America and how we escape violence through love.

YOU CAN PICK IT UP HERE

Pitch: Two estranged lovers. A dangerous city. A deadly secret. Alex will risk everything to save Luz, but can he uncover her truth before it’s too late?

I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ❤️

Cover art and — beautiful — illustration: Margaux G aka gummybean.

Tropes you can expect:

The one that got away

Mafia romance

Forbidden love

Second chance

Escape from danger

Additionally:

Latinx protagonists

You'll cry a lot

TW (non spoiler): Graphic violence, depictions of substance abuse.

If you make any sort of book related content / reviewing, DM me for a free copy. 👀

Crabs and shoelaces,

Emi

[libertyreads]

Attempting to read this morning.

[animentality]