#good thing i watched the ed before s2 started airing

[syncogon]

👀

[inevitably-ineffable-husbands]

Crowley's Past: Was He Archangel Camael?

With S2 now having been out for a few weeks, and the theories running wild, I think one of the unanimous beliefs within the fandom is that Crowley was SOME sort of Important Angel Before™. I touch upon the MANY clues in the various parts of my initial GOS2 Thoughts Meta, so I won't go into too many of those here, but inevitably this separate meta started out as the pulling-and-expanding-upon of the Archangel Crowley theory, primarily the "Raphael" theory, since I have loved that theory to bits since its inception early post-S1.

That was until my friend Peter finished watching the season early last week, and presented to me an alternative theory as to Crowley's identity that I thought deserved its own post breakdown, since I haven't seen this theory before.

NOW, I should make it clear I haven't been as DEEP in the fandom as many of y'all since S1 aired, so it's probably come up before S2 as just a light mention, but I personally haven't seen anything, so what follows is a joint speculation between my real-life, not-in-GO-fandom-spaces-whatsoever friend Peter, and myself, with my contributions being the expansion of his theory and linking it to what we already know.

The theory is this: Crowley might actually be Archangel Camael.

Please, PLEASE note that I am aware that authors and writers change things for creative liberty and originality, so please take this entire theory with a grain of salt (or go nuts with me, I'm happy either way!).

I'll TRY to keep this concise, but y'all know me. You can skip right to the "Conclusion" for a point-by-point breakdown if you don't want to read everything, but I hope you'll at least give me a chance to explain within the body of this meta.

I apologize in advance if any of my thoughts are a bit scattered. Here we go:

The Initial Text

Here is the initial text Peter sent to me after he finished watching S2 (and this was after I mentioned that the popular running fandom theory is that he's actually Raphael):

Okay… well - disclaimer I did not go to religious school and my biblical studies were a great many years ago. As I recall Lucifer was not one of the 7 archangels - he was meant to be but he rebelled before he was appointed (and there is some wiggle for a fictional story). So, based on what we have seen Crowley was one of the 7 but he hung out with the wrong people and asked too many questions. He never says his real name when we see him as an angel it is comically dodged - for a good reason. Crowley has a login and proves he had clearance way above a level 37th angel. He can see the top most important meetings… like he may have been allowed to attend in a previous life… And one line sticks out to me “one fallen prince has already gone to Hell. Two shows a problem.” As I stated Lucifer was not a Prince - we are not talking about him. Gabriel was banking on going to Hell like his “brother” - I’m guessing Camael, the one who Sees God - who ironically has cursed eyes now as a demon - the Prince of Fortitude (also Love and Charity). He often breaks his demonic spirit in cases of charitable needs or love. Crowley is one of the big Seven to be entrusted with creating the cosmos ;)

Naturally, this had a lot of things click for me, and I'm going to break them down below, with my additional research into the points that Peter made since he mentioned that he was going off memory.

Who Was Cameal?

When Peter mentioned this angel, it boggled my mind that I never actually recall knowing of this archangel. I went to a Roman Catholic school up until Grade 12, and with that comes Religious Ed classes, which also feature World Religions in the later grades. Funnily enough, I found out WHY I never heard of Camael:

Camael is not recognized by the Catholic Church due to the Vatican's decision to ban the veneration of angels not mentioned in the Bible [SOURCE]

Kind of explains why I only heard of Gabriel, Michael, and Raphael (which now adds another layer to a theory I will cover further down in "Does Crowley Remember?"), then.

Reading further:

[He] is the Archangel of strength, courage and war in Christian and Jewish mythology and angelology. [SOURCE] He is claimed to be the leader of the forces that expelled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden holding a flaming sword. However, in iconography he is often depicted holding a cup. [SOURCE]

A Flaming Sword, you say??? Interesting. Here's a good place to point out that there IS also a theory that Crowley and Aziraphale are one single archangel that was split into two (and Gaiman has stated that in original drafts of the original book, they were at first one character, so this fact might be an afterthought of that original idea). Also, interesting that this angel is depicted with a cup, traditionally used in Christianity to depict wine, which is Crowley's drink-of-choice. So, there's that.

Another standout point for me is the Adam and Eve bit (which I bolded above). The Snake of Eden is TECHNICALLY the instigator (the "leader") who encouraged the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden. "Forces" in this reading of it could be the metaphorical definition of it; the knowledge of good and evil, and the desire to see beyond the Garden. AND also the Flaming Sword itself BEING the object of force given to the couple for protection.

Furthermore, Crowley's a strong and brave character, given all the shit he endures time and time again. Strength (and bravery for that matter) can mean many things: emotional strength, physical strength, possibly also a strength of character and an unwavering belief in the values one holds dear. I should also note that it's interesting that an angel of war, should Crowley indeed be this character, wants nothing to do with a war and is actively trying to stop one: an angel of War can absolutely NOT want a war, because he knows it's wrong.

And without the Angel of War up in Heaven to PREVENT any war at all? Well, they would just get all willy-nilly crazy on the idea of War without having any pushback on it, wouldn't they?

Kind of like how Gabriel was to be demoted (cast out) for denying Heaven a War. Funny old world, isn't it? Seems the parallels write themselves.

What's in a Name?

Because Peter mentioned the name meaning, I had to look into it myself, and indeed, one of the various meanings of Camael is apparently "he who sees God" in Hebrew.

As Peter stated above, I think this is very significant because it's seemingly only Crowley who has "demon" eyes that he himself cannot change. It's the ONLY part of him that always remains a constant, and why he is forced to hide them. We know from S1 and bits of S2 with Shax that other demons can change their eyes because we see them mimicking other humans time and again without the black eyes if they choose to.

Crowley's eyes could have been cursed specifically because was ordained as "the one who sees God" and possibly was the ONLY angel who ever "saw" a physical God in the literal sense (it's implied in the show that no one actually SEES a physical god). It's possible that Crowley being cast out literally burned his angelic eyes and left a visible scar that can't be fixed or erased – a forever-reminder of what he did and can no longer do. AND as the one who sees God, he indeed was a very high-ranking angel.

In the GO universe, I suspect he was indeed the FIRST Supreme Archangel, tasked with creating God's Vision (HAH) of the Universe. And when Crowley questioned what the point of creating such beauty was only for it to be destroyed, God (or, I suspect more likely, the other Angels) saw it as Crowley questioning their "vision" in the metaphorical sense.

Does Crowley Remember?

In light of Season 2, and some interesting exchanges and moments of Crowley with other angels, some people speculate (and as I watch the series more, I'm starting to also agree somewhat) that Crowley may not remember everything from Before.

Now, while I do like this theory a lot, and it makes sense with the context clues from S2, I don't think it's that he doesn't remember anything at all, however, as many versions of the theory postulates.

My speculation is this: what if, by having his Angelic Name removed from recognition in the Bible, and going through a similar Trial to Gabriel, THEN by Falling the traditional way, the memories are still there, but they're just a bit fuzzy and scattered? It could also explain why some of the other Archangels DON'T remember him... he was removed from the memories of other ranking angels (Saraqael is the only angel to seemingly remember who Crowley was, so I postulate that she WASN'T a top angel until fairly recently, because of the named angels in the next section).

The show brings up the Book of Life in S2 on several occasions, leaving me to believe that this will be an important item in the next season. What if the phrase "it will make it like you don't exist" literally means "don't exist in memories"? Maybe a Book of Life 1.0 existed at one time, and everyone who Fell was forgotten because their angelic names were removed. Because wouldn't that be more awful than never having existed? Remembering that you WERE something or someone, you had a name that you can't remember, that you WERE important to people and events, and having everyone around you who you considered family forget who you are? It's its own kind of personal Hell ... kind of like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, a movie that references angels, funnily enough. And Crowley remembers the furniture being there but not where it all belongs. I think his memory haziness is also a side effect of Falling the traditional way (burning sulfer and all that jazz, possibly causes trauma amnesia?).

It's a stretch here, I know, but I thought I would put this one out there as a possibility as to what it could mean (given that Gaiman and Pratchett tend to "play on words" a lot, I think it is worth mentioning this as an alternative meaning).

In S2, when Gabriel was sentenced, the Trial stated that Gabriel would forget his time as Gabriel, but not his time as an angel. I think a similar thing happened with Crowley, only much more violently with the "burning the eyes out" and "staining his wings black" thing.

My friend Peter mentioned that the show avoided Crowley's Before-Name "to a comical degree". I reckon, rather, that Crowley just simply doesn't remember his Angelic name, and his changing of his demon names is him possibly trying to find an identity. I think he recalls it having started with a "C", maybe? And now he's a snake, so he's kind of crawl-y, must be "Crawley". As time moved forward and as he learned more and more about humanity, he changed is namee to fit in better. Having a full Human-esque name makes him feel more connected to the Humanity he prefers.

And because I'm a romantic sap at heart, I think he enjoys spending time with Aziraphale because perhaps some part of Azzie's presence helps Crowley remember bits and pieces of his broken memory. He is LITERALLY Crowley's Emotional Support Angel – remember Shax can read into people, it seems. Azzie brings comfort to him, and seeing another Angel that also questions the choices Heaven makes allows Crowley to feel less alone.

The Original Seven Archangels

It's brought up a couple to several times in S2 the point that "God loves sevens". I actually couldn't remember why Seven was such a big Biblical number so a bit of quick Googling reminded me that "Seven [...] communicated a sense of “fullness” or “completeness” [...]. This makes sense of the pervasive appearance of “seven” patterns in the Bible." (SOURCE).

And of course, after Peter had mentioned it, I had to look a bit more into who the Original 7 could possibly be. Wikipedia mentions it could be Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Camael, Jophiel, and Zadkiel.

Peter was correct in his assumption that Lucifer wasn't one of the original 7 archangels, so that leaves us with Raphael, Camael, Jophiel, and Zadkiel, if we're assuming that Crowley is one of these top Archangels.

I would also like to speculate that "God likes 7's" could also mean (if you allow me to reach a bit) "God's favourite angels are the initial 7". If Crowley happened to be one of these 7, it could explain why he's able to get into Heaven without raising alarm at all, why he still maintains his immense power that set off alarms in Heaven when it was used purposefully against Heaven, why he was able to access the Gabriel Files, and why Sarqael allowed Crowley to continue watching the Trial (because if God allowed Crowley access even when he's no longer an angel, then Sarqael has no reason to believe that he's still not important to God).

Perhaps, in Modern Day, only having four archangels making the decisions symbolizes that, indeed, God's not really calling the shots anymore – and hasn't been for a long time – and that the whole system is all broken and not complete.

It also begs the question: if Crowley was one of the Original Seven (if they are indeed going to go in that direction), what happened to the other three? Did they also suffer the same fates? Were they turned to Scriveners just like Gabriel was to be?

Here is where I will also throw out there that my random thought that Muriel possibly also may have been one of the other three, as my own expansion of this theory, but I digress.

Anyway, I think I found the original Fandom Wiki that Peter quick-referenced when doing his quick message to me, and it's very interesting:

How they were founded as a unit is unknown, but it is said that it happened during Lucifer's rebellion. When Lucifer rebelled against God, one entire choir of angels followed him and was lost. Many angels from other choirs also followed him in his rebellion. It is revealed that Lucifer was meant to be apart of the Seven Archangels as well, however, since his fall he was replaced by Camael. 

Disclaimer here that I understand that Fandom Wiki isn't THE BEST resource, but we're also talking about a fictional story that loosely references actual scripture, so I think it's valid enough, heh.

But I bring this point up because Peter links it to Metatron mentioning the "Prince of Heaven" falling, as Gabriel as being "another" one. "Another one" what?? We have to assume that Metatron means another "Supreme Archangel" as holding the title of "Prince of Heaven", meaning Gabriel was NOT the first and only Supreme Archangel. I don't think Metatron is referencing Lucifer here. In fact, they deliberately avoid saying a name. We just ASSUME that it was Lucifer because that's the "common knowledge".

If GO is going to reference the theory that Lucifer actually fell BEFORE becoming an Archangel, then that means in my theory Crowley became his replacement of the Original Seven. And given that he was possibly the One (and only angel, in my above theory) Who Sees God, he was in-turn given the position of Supreme Archangel, charged with creating, again, God's Vision of the Universe.

I think having Crowley be the one who witnesses Gabriel's Trial is important if we're going on the theory that they are mirrors of each other in S2. What if:

Crowley ALSO had a similar Trial when he questioned God (or the other Archangels) about "what's the point of" the destruction of the universe, then subsequently saying "nah" to having Armageddon 6,000 years before the events of S1?;

In said Trial, Gabriel was a presiding member, and, given that we know his prior cruelty from S1, he voted on Camael being cast out in a vicious and cruel fashion "for betraying God". Thus, his eyes burnt and forever scarred to prevent him from ever seeing God again, had his name and memories removed from the Book of Life, and sent to on a one way trip to Hell. I speculate this because Trial-Gabriel certainly believe he was going to "Fall" that way. I'd also wager Camael/Crowley was the last angel to ever "properly" Fall, which is why the modern angels still think that they do it this way, rather than the way they planned for Gabriel. I realize that this point DOES contradict my theory about the other missing Archangels quietly being erased and reassigned, but perhaps BECAUSE Gabriel is SO High up the chain, they HAD no choice but to make an example of him. Perhaps Metatron just quietly deleted the other Archangels' original names without anyone's knowledge.

We now know from S2 that regardless of an angel's status, the angels will veto against anyone who goes against their interpretation of The Great Plan. We now also know that the "Supreme Archangel" is also a "title only" job that has benefits only if you're going to go with the Majority Vote. And if you don't, they're going to make an example out of you.

And I reckon Camael/Crowley, just like Gabriel after, tried to "go his own way" (as quoted by the Metatron) and got banished for it.

Aziraphale really now has himself in a pickle, and I suspect that he will figure ALL of this out when he gets there.

And finally because this is the "Sevens" section of this meta, I also want to mention these "a-bit-reaching-but-still-plausible-theories" that I came across while I was researching:

This tweet speculates that Gabe is morse coding "7"

Michael tweeted 7 dots after S2 aired

CONCLUSION

While this theory doesn't outright bust the Raphael Theory (since there are some similarities with Crowley and Raphael within the theory), as well as the "he was Lucifer" theory (which I also really like, but Crowley mentioned in S1 he was "hanging out with Lucifer and the guys" before he fell, so... I'm more apt to not really run with this theory). BUT it does tie up a lot more things, and it connects things better than the Raphael one does, in my humble opinion.

The TL;DR of this entire post is this:

I think Crowley was an Archangel, that is the only CERTAIN thing I feel.

I think he was Camael, The One (and only angel) Who (Literally) Sees God. He was the First Supreme Archangel who created God's Vision of the Universe.

I think that Camael questioned the Council of Angels why they need to destroy beauty that God created. It didn't make sense to him.

They told him about Armageddon (the S1 one). As the angel of war, and as the Supreme Archangel who had final say, he said "nah". And he tried "to go his own way" to avoid Armageddon.

The Council and Metatron did not like this, saw it as blaspheming against God. Camael then had a Trial similar to Gabriel's.

I think this all happened shortly after the war that sent down Lucifer and the other rebelling Angels, so Heaven was still VERY tetchy about anyone who questioned God and The Great Plan. Because Camael was a Supreme Archangel, the original Prince of Heaven, this was seen as SEVERE betrayal of the Council. For the record, I think the "Before the Beginning" sequence takes place AFTER the War that created Hell.

My belief about the Book of Life is that its ACTUAL purpose is to remove people from being remembered, which is far worse of an existence for someone banished. A metaphorical interpretation of "removed from existence" simply could mean "and everyone forgot about you", à la It's a Wonderful Life, a movie that references "angels getting their wings".

Camael was sentenced in a way that would make an example of him to other angels to remind them of their place: He was cast out of Heaven, his angelic name erased from the Book of Life which caused his other Council Members at the time to forget him, and for him to have foggy memories in turn, although he KNOWS he was an angel (perhaps as a side effect of being cast out the traditional way, you are forced to remember that you once lived in Heaven). His eyes were burnt out to quite literally leave an unremovable scar so he could no longer "see" God and their vision, which explains why Crowley cannot ever change his eyes regardless of how he presents himself. He has to hide them away.

I think Crowley was the last angel to be cast out in this way. BUT because his ANGEL name was erased, none of the remaining Original Council angels (Gabriel, Michael, and Uriel) recognize him. I suspect Sarqael remembers him because she was NOT an Archangel at the time since she was not one of the Original Seven Archangels.

I also suspect that there are purposely missing Archangels for a reason, and the fact that only 4 rather than 7 seemingly run things symbolizes the problems in Heaven and that God has not been in charge for a long time. I think those missing 3 or 4 are actually Scriveners, who were quietly sentenced and erased by the Metatron, hence why Gabriel thought that he was going to be cast out like his predecessor. But because Gabriel WAS a Supreme Archangel, he HAD to be made an example of, just as Crowley before.

"Supreme Archangel" is a Title-Only job, and if you go against the Council, you are indeed made an example of. I think this is purposeful setup for S3 to show that Azzie is in DEEP shit.

EPILOGUE

I still want to expand upon my Angel Theory section from my S2 Meta, but for now, I am so pleased with how this turned out, and I hope you've enjoyed this Deep Dive into another Archangel Theory. I had a lot of fun with this one; I like learning about supernatural things, it's always interesting.

I am interested in others' thoughts on this theory, especially if your memory of your religious education is a bit better than mine! Feel free to expand upon this more, because I am an interactive blog, so it will be added to the post! <3

I hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading!

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I first watched ofmd about 6 months after it came out which means the fandom had a little bit of time to develop some of its own ideas. Anyway. The absolute shock and confusion I felt after finishing s1 and finding out izzy had fans! I was like “wait what is there even to like about that guy?”. And then after thinking about it for a while I was like “ok I guess he is actually kinda interesting and it is pretty common for people to like the asshole antagonists” so imagine my disappointment when I came online and saw people trying to paint izzy as the rational good guy and Ed as out of control. And it’s still happening to this day! *sigh*

This rant brought to you by me seeing yet another meme implying Ed is acting irrationally and out of control in s1 and izzy is just the sensible rational guy trying to keep everything working smoothly. (God forbid ed meets someone he can have fun with and who actually respects the real him and experiences any amount of joy)

I was there, Gandalf. I was there like two years ago, lurking as this shift started happening, and it was something to see let me tell you what

I wasn't active in the fandom until just before s2 started airing, but I watched s1 for the first time right as the final episodes dropped, and I lurked around a bit. At first, in those early days, it truly felt like most people were on the same page. There was some racist shit (Ed eating soap was the big one back then) but on the whole the fandom's attitude towards Izzy, at least from my vantage point, was pretty uniform. Lots of "he's gay and homophobic" jokes. Lots of talking about how fucked up and wet he is.

And I remember thinking that the first posts I saw about how Izzy's actions were justified were satire. That was how uniform the fandom felt for those first few weeks. I was like, wow, that's kinda a fun thought experiment to try and twist things so Izzy's actions are justified. It's not for me but it's kinda interesting. And then after a while those things kept popping up and you realized they were serious. I remember it had gotten truly concerning by June that year, but it might've been earlier - I was just lurking around more around that time following hopes for the renewal.

Yeah, it's honestly really disappointing. I couldn't care less if someone likes Izzy as he is in canon - he's interesting in the same way a lot of antagonists are interesting. The issue comes in when they insist that their fanon perspective is the correct way to interpret the text and start writing fic and meta based on that premise, which becomes really racist really quickly. Izzy views Ed in a racist way, trying to push him back into a caricature of himself and talking about him like he's an animal, so when you take his word as gospel, the way you think and write about Ed is also going to be racist.

[jaskierx]

little pre-warning for suicide (i'm fine though!!)

sorry if this isn't articulated very well but like. i got into ofmd only last october when season 2 was airing and i still remember it's bc i got a clip on tiktok of the "is that blackbeard?" "no, i'm blackbeard" scene which is SUCH a good fucking hook btw. and before watching it i kind of actually hated it LOL like people do with anything that's popular and Everywhere it just oversaturates sometimes. and it made me feel kind of silly to go back on my own opinion but i didn't even really dwell on that bc me getting into it also happened to coincide with a failed suicide attempt (that kind of funnily also included a gun that misfired like in-show lol). and like i was pretty understandably all over the place, but generally still in the "i want to live" moment that happens right after you nearly properly die. and the thing about suicide recovery is that you don't actually want to recover. so it was a really up and down left and right kind of situation and you're left feeling kind of like a puppet with no strings that's also been thrown into the ocean or something.

but then i liked this show that was funny and silly and i also got to see trans and gay people existing happily and normally which isn't necessarily NEW but it did feel really cool and unique to be able to go Oh and this is the moment where they would usually leave it to subtext and then they actually KISS and it's like woahhhh. i didn't know they could do that... and then as i was still processing what was happening with my own life and like mortality i got to see this character go through the exact same thing and come out on the other side of it ENTIRELY by himself and experience love and self determination and actualisation and i'm not saying it made me want to do it myself but it did feel like a really personal thing for me (hence anon also lol).

and for the few weeks it was coming out i got to sit there and think about how he was doing and it gave me another reason to not do something again. like i am so definitely not the only one who can say "this show saved my life" but honestly it literally did. like there's that thing when you're suicidal where the things that you're sticking around for are the only things you've got so they're as important as anything even if it's like... going to a concert the following week or something. or getting a burger. and i really honestly stuck around just to love this show and my cat.

it's been a few months now ofc and it still sucks and i'm not better or anything but being able to indulge in something fun for fun's sake is the biggest source of joy in my life and tbh it's not gonna go away just because there's going to be no season 3. when i'm feeling too much of particularly anything i have a handy little balm which i know everyone feels but still. a little gifset of ed always makes me feel better if i'm freaking out so it's cool i don't care if it's a bit lame. i'm a bit sad for season 3 and everyone being sad is also making me sadder but i still have a lot of love left so ah. it'll be fine :)

if anything i hope this inspires people to have a little boom in the numbers re: content now that we know there'll be no canon to possibly diverge from and we can make up our OWN season 3 ‼️ which will be fun :)

hi anon sorry i didn't reply to this yesterday i wanted to sit and think about what to say

and then i didn't really come up with anything lmao other than you're right and i love you and i love this show and it's so incredibly important to me and so groundbreaking in so many ways and has made me feel seen in a way that no other piece of media ever has. the queer rep is groundbreaking. the portrayal of ed's suicidality moved me beyond words. there are dozens of other people sharing stories about how ofmd helped them to come out or meet their partner or start transitioning or quit something that was making them unhappy. i watched s2 at a time while i was really struggling with post-covid symptoms. i've met so many incredible people through this fandom. i think about the show dozens of times a day. the show brought me so much joy and they can't take that away

they can't ever take away how special it was and how much it's changed people's lives

i'm very excited to see what the amazing fic writers in this fandom are going to give us in place of s3. i just wish we could've had the rest of the story david wanted to tell

[weirdlyfitting]

Forgive me for being so late eheh, I couldn't figure out who's who or what's what from the list plus being busy irl BUT HEY! Finally I can join this countdown!

Ok so I'm gonna do like from day 1-recent

Favorite Character

Darius Bowman & Kenji Kon

TBFH I LOVE ALL CAMP FAM CHARACTERS. They all had great character development plus clear motivation on why they did what they did. Those stuff got handled so well and ugh it made me so hard to choose ahaha.

Anyway, I love Darius because he's such a dino nerd. Plus his "never give up" spirit that inspired me as the audience to stay strong when things do fall apart. He's such a precious boi 🥺

And then Kenji. *sigh I hated, HATED this boi since he got introduced. But then as the eps kept going, I realized that he's just a teen that made mistakes and learn from them. The scene in S1 ep 6, when the kids were doing kayak river thing and Kenji told Brooklyn to stop bothering Sammy? Yeah, that's when I doubted my hatred . In S2 I started to actually love his character! He's just so....dumb and innocent lmaooo. The thing is for a comedic character I loved how he also has depth and development :D

Favorite Friendship

CAMP FAM! (Darius, Ben, Kenji, Yaz, Sammy, Brooklyn)

First they're uh- reminded me of the losers club from IT *cough Ben and Eds *cough- especially

Anyway the dynamic and chemistry are awesome! I really hope in S3 there will be more deep convo like in S1 ep 7 (at the monorail, before Ben's near death fall). Them bonding with knowing and understanding each other's feelings is just 🥺😥😭💞

Favorite Ship

Dave & Roxie

Hmm I'm not into shipping but the closest that I really had interest with are Dave & Roxie and Darius & Brooklyn. But Dave & Roxie is just so cute and fun lol. Like the cool uncle and aunt that genuinely cared even if yes, they did made a lot of mistakes while doing it.

Favorite Funny Scene

S1 Ep 3, when Ben was the one who drive the gyrosphere (idk if this spelled right lmao) and Kenji being the passenger

There are many memorable funny scenes but THIS ONE was the first ever scene that made me wheezed (looking back, I used to think that CC wasn't that good oop- so yeah doubted it but hey look at where I am now!). Kenji's face and Dave and Roxie just "smile and wave" I remember holding my laugh so no one can get disturbed (the first time I watched CC was at night time lol)😭🤣

Favorite Sad Scene

After I rewatch S1, I changed my mind on Ben's near death fall and choose the convo in the monorail.

This isn't really a sad scene but to me when rewatching it, it made me cry. Like seriously real tears what-

"now that it's over, what are the odds if we'll see each other again", everyone is silent then Jurassic World/Park theme played YO I STARTED TO FEEL SO EMO ESPECIALLY WITH THE THEME PLAYED 😭

And then "My dad used to say this place was Allosaurus in the bag of chips" gosh when Darius' voice cracked it broke me- yes I crieeeeeed

Favorite Episode

S2 Ep 8

Ugh this episode and finale is much much better than S1 (it's not that I hated s1's finale it's just s1 was wayyyy more depressing man :( ). Camp fam is together again and Darius completed his arc here (he has serious guilt issue since Ben's fall and I'm glad it got resolved here). This episode was sooooo fun with the actions! And the cliffhanger? I was terrified of what'll come next, but overall I really really enjoy it ahaha 😁💖

And bonus : Kenji learned to ride a motorbike made me so happy when the first time I watched it. I relate so much because that time I was learning to ride one too haha.

Favorite Quote

"We're not GIVING UP! I get it. It's scary. This wasn't how today was supposed to be. Things aren't always going to go your way. Life is messy and sometimes, things fall apart. But that's okay. Because when that happen we pick up the pieces and keep going. And we never give up!" -Darius Bowman, S1 Ep 4

Ahh since I hear it I used this whenever I had a bad day and so many negative thoughts going in my mind. This quote is my comfort quote along with what Tulip said to One-One in The Unfinished Car from Infinity Train 💕

Okay so that's all for now. What's left is free space + season 3 airs! I'll use my free space for making edit from these lists and if I don't have time maybe I'll try to share my s3 review? Idk but I'll make sure I'm on time for the last list ;)

[allthevmff]

Find Afrocurl’s work // AO3 // LJ  interview from vmfictitious // originally posted Mar. 20th, 2011

How did you get into Veronica Mars fandom?

Somewhere in the middle of S2, a friend of mine from high school started to talk about this show and how much I’d like it. At the general description of a high school detective, I borrowed her S1 DVDs and devoured the show in three days.  After that I started to discover fandom, mostly because I used Inigo’s transcripts to keep myself up with what the show was doing before I could watch live.

Shortly after starting the show, I had this job where I spent too much time in an office and was easily bored. I used a bunch of downtime to read fic and post in a message board (FanForum for anyone curious.)  When that job ended (thankfully) I had all of this spare time and just sort of fell into writing.

Were you an experienced writer when you started writing for VM?  If so, what kind of writing had you done, and/or what fandoms had you written for?   If not, was it really intimidating to post your first story?

I’m a little fuzzy on these details right now, but I wasn’t that experienced when I started writing in VM. I think I had a story or two written in The OC before I posted here, but I had some great support from a few friends (sarah_p //  Sarah's Crack ) for one was a big support) when I did post my first story.

What was it about Veronica Mars that interested you?  Why did you feel compelled to write for this particular show?

I really fell for the characters when I started to watch. Veronica was such a compelling character, and as I kept watching I fell more in love with Logan, too. I felt compelled in that post-S2 summer to see the relationship between Logan and Veronica explored (as so many other people did.)

Are you creative in other media for fandom (vidding, icons, etc.)?

I pick up making icons here and there, but I don’t think I have the same skill as many other people do. It’s a different creative medium, and one that I think stretches a different part of my brain.

What was the best moment for you, in fandom?  (Not necessarily a moment in the show, but fandom itself.)

I think it was the moment when I found myself in a position to go to all of these events around LA and San Diego. I found that people around LJ were interested as a result because there was something for people to enjoy that I had been able to capture.

If you had a magic wand, and could change VM fandom in any way, past or present, what would you do?

I wish S3 hadn’t been so divisive—it’s spoiled so many people on the show, and when you still love parts of it, but not all of it, it’s hard to stay positive around other people.

Of your accomplishments in fandom/cyberspace, which are you most proud of?

Weirdly, I think it’s little things I’ve done that bring a smile to my face. Sharing my time with the cast with others in any way. That’s not just the picspams when I went to an event, but these moments where I could get autographs or phone calls to other people. At different times, I’ve been able to make a friend’s birthday just a little brighter with a message from the cast (Sarah and another friend M.)

What’s your favorite VM episode and why?

I go back and forth on this answer all of the time, but I think it’s Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough. In part because it was the first episode I remember watching live, and also because I’m a sucker for banter between Logan and Veronica. That whole episode is filled with it, even if they aren’t together as a couple.

What’s your least favorite episode and why?

Blast from the Past—I just can’t get behind the mystery of the week, or what Jackie does to Veronica as a way to keep Wallace to herself.

How do you feel about season 3?

I’m a mixed bag on the subject. I think that the first arc has promise, though it didn’t do much to satisfy my need for Logan and Veronica in a healthy relationship. I’m not a fan of how Piz was introduced, or what his purpose was in the long run.

The Dean O’Dell arc lacks heart (and the Hearst rapist does too when I look at it), and the last five are just all over the place.

In total, I haven’t brought myself to rewatch the whole season since it aired, but I made a promise to myself at some point I would (I plan to live-blog all of the episodes, but I only managed to finish the first three.)

If you met Rob Thomas, what would you say to him?  (Assume that you have taken magical drugs that enable you to not be tongue-tied and you can completely speak your mind.)

I briefly met him and talked to him during season three, but if I could have a longer conversation, I’d really want to understand what his motives were for Logan and Veronica in that season. It seemed that the show always had Logan and Veronica together off screen so that the audience had no real reason to understand those later break-ups.

If you could talk to the writing staff, what question(s) would you have for them?

I’m always interested in some of the specifics of the room—are there any writers who cater to writing for certain characters? What characters do you like to write more than others? I think I’m just interested in their process more than anything else.

Writing

Which story of yours is your favorite, and why?

I’m really a fan of “The Black Hole” because I think it was a different sort of writing exercise for me. I also think I was really into the moment when I wrote it, and it shows. I can’t remember how long it took me to write, but I think it was a pretty quick write once I had the idea solidified in my head.

Are there any stories of yours that are (to your surprise) fan favorites?

Not really a surprise, but I love the reaction I had to Rational Thought. My Piz issues just got one big escape in that piece and everyone who read it had a similar reaction.

Do you (or did you at first) feel uncomfortable posting R or NC17 rated stories?

I think I was a bit apprehensive the first time (especially since it was my first fic in the fandom), but as I’ve written more and more of those fics, I’m more comfortable with the ways of writing it. I also love all of my betas who help me through the mechanics of writing it.

If you could start over and rewrite any of your stories (assume unlimited time and you would be paid for your efforts, because this is a fantasy), which story would you choose, and what changes would you make?

I’m not proud of Compulsion as it was written in the end, so I’d work there and really craft the narrative more than it is now. It’s not that it’s not beta-ed, but that it wasn’t really planned or structured beyond what is written. I think there was promise in the beginning and it floundered.

Do you write for any other fandoms?

I write here and there in a few other fandoms, but most of my work is in VM.  Some of the other shows are harder to get a feel for, so much that I don’t know if I have the character voices down.

Do you write any original works, and if so, can we see any of them?  Have you ever taken any writing classes?  Have you ever published anything? Won any competitions?

I wrote a few pieces of original fic, which are at my writing community. I haven’t been one to take a writing course, but in high school I had an award-winning poem at the local county fair.

That piece, I wrote was in my junior year of high school, spring semester (so let’s call is March 2000.) We had to write an emulation of Langston Hughes’s “I Am”, and I went all out—confused kid to the max. My teacher ate most of it up, and had me submit it to the Fair.  It went on to win the best poem for high schoolers, the best high school piece and Best in Show for all student work. I have three lovely ribbons, a paper weight to show for it.

What other VM author influenced you the most?  Do you have a favorite VM story (by another author)?

I spent most of my time reading things from Loveathons and Fic From Mars when I was reading, so I guess any of those authors. I really love dark_roast’s ( dark_roast) style. I think mutiousmuse and truemyth (TrueMyth) each have some amazing pieces, too. What’s great about being part of fandom is learning how much else you have in common with authors you love. I’m still friends with Musey and Truemyth after I met them at Comic Con in 2006.

Overall, I think my favorite story is Finite Erasure (TW), which puts me in the camp of loving angst. I worked with Trixx (Trixx) as she wrote it and I think I fell for the story she was telling and how much it hurt along the way.

What fanfic do you wish you’d had the idea for and written yourself?

If I had a mind for her particular brand of crazy, I’d have love to have written One True Pair, because the creativity and perspective amaze me.

Who are your favorite traditional authors?  Do you have a favorite book or series?

I love Oscar Wilde’s wit; I love Fitzgerald’s use of flawed characters. When I was in college I became a huge fan of Isaac Bashevis Singer. Sadly I’m not a huge book fan, though I do love words and compelling stories. Persuasion is one of my favorite stories, along with The Alchemist. I found myself more easily distracted by television as a kid and when I do get a book, I tend to read some fluffy chick-lit.

 Getting to Know You

To which character in VM do you feel you are the most similar, or what situation in VM reminds you of your own life?

Even though I don��t write her enough, I feel like I’m a slightly less tech-savvy version of Mac. I wasn’t one to have boyfriends in high school, and I think that just influences my outlook now.

Share a fun memory with us, something related to fandom.

This moment at an event in San Diego where my friends and I spent a good five minutes trying to remember the Eleanor Roosevelt quote from Logan’s voicemail.

Or the time I had Jason write a message to my journal without him really knowing where it was going.

Dog person, cat person, neither or both?

Cat person! My cat Auric loves everyone he meets, and wants to keep me from my computer when I leave it open in his presence. He really loves to sit on my keyboard when I’m not around.

What was the happiest day in your life (that you can share with us)?

December 12, 2000—the day I got into college. I’m pretty lame most of the time.

The apocalypse is on us.  You’ve got five minutes to gather your stuff before you flee (assume that your loved ones are already safe).  What do you take?

This is going to be pretty typical, but my laptop, and external hard drives, so I’m not without my pictures. Maybe a few of my autographs and old-school photos too.

What don’t we know about you, that we should know?

I’m not nearly as interesting as I sound on the internet. ;)

 The Nuts and Bolts of Writing

Do you consider yourself a stickler for grammar, or do you prefer a more casual approach?  Specifically, serial comma: for or against?

I’m weirdly a stickler for grammar when I’m not the one writing. I’m usually for the serial comma, which I blame on years of it being grilled into my head from school.

What grammar issue do you constantly have to struggle with?

 Spelling—I’m horrible at it most of the time.

 Do you have any writing reference books you can’t live without?

 I have a few copies of writing guides tucked away in my garage, but I don’t regularly look at them when I’m writing.

Are you a plotter or a “pantser”? (Do you outline your stories or do you write “by the seat of your pants”?)

It really depends on the story. I have some basic idea of a fic when I start to write it, but there are times when I only know that general outline and other times when I have a better plan.

There’s one story that’s been buried on my computer that’s plotted more than anything else I write. There are notes on how each chapter should work, but I only did that because it was a true multi-chapter fic.

My other fics that have turned into WIPs are not as plotted as they should be.

 What’s your favorite point-of-view to write?

 I love third-person more than anything else. It gives you the flexibility to talk about more than one person in the context of the story.

What type of writing is your favorite to write (dialogue, plot, action, interior monologue, description, sex scene, etc.)?  Your least favorite?

Dialogue—no questions. I love banter as much as anyone else.

My least favorite—probably sex scenes. They’re awkward to figure out, positions, how clinical but not too clinical.

Do you listen to music while you write?  Do you listen to different music depending on what you’re writing?

I do, unless I’m watching TV. My music doesn’t change depending on what I write, though maybe it should. My poor iTunes has been known to be demonic when I read fic, though it doesn’t do that as often when I’m writing.

What inspires you to write?

 I like motivational moments that can drive a point home—so I tend to write shorter pieces that are about emotions instead of plot driven.

What blocks you from writing?

Lack of time. The inability to express what I’m looking for.

 Specifically for Afrocurl!

What surprised you the most about Jason Dohring in person (that you can share with us)?

He’s a genuinely sweet person who adores his fans and what they do for him. I’d never had too many experiences with actors before I met him and he set the stage for being kind to fans.

How is he like Logan?  How is he not like Logan?  Did he do anything that freaked you out after watching him on TV so much?

I think he has Logan’s physical ticks—hair rakes and the like.

 He’s not as precise with language as Logan. In person he’s sort of like any other California guy I’ve met.

Which story of yours would it appall you the most to find out that Jason had read?

The Weevil and Logan story. I think he’d blush and be shocked at the subject more than anything.

Which of your celebrity encounters thrilled you to death, but the rest of world could care less?

The girl who loves politics was thrilled by meeting Justice Scalia at my college. Though I’m sure I’m the only one who can appreciate it now.

We know you do a lot for charities.  Do you have anything coming up that we should know about, that you’d like us to support?

Since Sweet Charity has ended, I haven’t done much work for charity recently. I’ve been a little too busy with the rest of life to help out with the Queensland floods and the like.

What’s your dream job?

Working at a high school teaching either Government or US History, maybe AP if that’s an option.

Your life seems to be going through a lot of changes right now.  How do you see yourself ten years from now?...family, job, hobbies, etc., anything you want to share with us.

I’d love to have a stable job, with friends and family nearby for support. I can’t hope for much else than that right now.

 Find Afrocurl’s work // AO3 // LJ

Source: X

reposted from vmfictitious // originally published on Mar. 20th, 2011

[morganas-pendragons]

Best Carol/Melissa Episodes

So I got bored in Quarantine and I was so moved by Look At The Flowers that I decided to make this list of the best episodes that either feature Carol/Melissa as a lead or she plays a large part in them. I haven’t seen S1-2 since like... 2014 as they’re my least favorite (i know i’m sorry but i did include honorable mentions) but I’m so freaking proud that I couldn’t not make this list. Here we go! Feel free to add to them! ** means they’re my favorite performances of Melissa! I do mention some scenes that are also with Norman/Daryl as he is a LARGE part of who Carol is. If you think it’s ‘’shippy’’ which it might be, don't read it. I worked on this for almost two hours. 

season 1

- for real, what woman keeps a grenade on hand? That was it. That was where I started paying attention to her. 

- also, the scene where she digs the pickaxe into Ed’s head? I think Daryl and I both fell for her then. 

season 2 

- the honorable mention!! the barn scene in which carol learns the fate of her daughter. I don’t remember most of s2, but this one I do. I think this might’ve been the first point in the show where I was like, “Hey Google, how to protect someone who isn’t real.’’

season 3

- walk with me: We get to see how Carol has changed during her time on the road after the farm and how much she’s learned. This is also, unfortunately, the last time we see her for a couple episodes until Daryl finds her in the cells below. 

- hounded: daryl finds carol. It’s sweet, it’s warm and soft and there’s alot of reunions and alot of mourning over T-Dog and Lori. 

season 4

- Carol has become a leader in her own right for this season. She teaches the kids how to defend themselves during the ruse of a story time and takes on Lizzie and Mika as her own after Ryan is bit. 

- indifference: After killing Karen and David to stop the spread out a virus, Rick takes it into his own hands to banish Carol. This one hurts too because it’s quite obvious why she did it. She did it to protect herself and the people she loves, but sometimes that’s just not enough. 

- the grove: emmy emmy emmy emmy material. Holy crap, I CANNOT stress this enough! This is the make or break episode for Carol as a character. There’s beauty and devastation and anguish all wrapped up into 45 minutes. This should’ve made Melissa well known. This should’ve won her multiple awards, and it didn’t. But we know. We know. 

season 5 

- sanctuary: this one goes down in history for multiple reasons, and most of us know them. 1.) Caryl reunions galore. Even if you don’t ship it, that moment is so, so sweet. 2.) If it weren’t for Carol, your fave would be dead. That’s literally it. 

- consumed: OOF. Really. 

- The back half of season 5 after the arrival at Alexandria is hilarious to me. Because these people are so sheltered from the darkness and the cruelty of the outside world that Carol takes on their own persona to blend in with them, to know the naivety of these people and to hide easily among them to get what she needs. This is also how she befriends Sam, who probably reminds her of Sophia which is why she’s so cruel to him. 

season 6 

- jss**: ‘’Miss Peletier, you are an honest to goodness hero.” No. Freaking. Way.  I remember watching this episode and rocking back and forth on my heels in anticipation because up until this point, I think this might’ve been one of the bloodiest moments in the show - and right in the center of it all is Carol - who is now of the mindset that, ‘’hey, we need to kill, we don’t have a choice.’’ and she portrays the internal struggle behind all of this so, so well. The scene with Melissa holding the body on the stairs was what won me over for this episode. It’s very much a merciless 45 minutes. 

- no way out: Carol is not a lead in this episode, but Melissa is very heavily influenced between this one and the previous because of her confrontation with Morgan. I remember how angry that made me, having to watch him bodyslam her (a former domestic abuse victim) against the floor. Outside of Carol, this episode is one of my favorites in the show. 

- not tomorrow yet/the same boat**: Carol moreso plays a bigger part in the latter as opposed to the former, but these two episodes really showcase two things: Her heart to protect her family (IE: A now pregnant Maggie) and her deteriorating mental state. Outside of The Grove, I think this is one of Melissa’s most powerful performances. it’s also the only female led ep in the show  

- east**: I cried the first time I watched this. Carol vs The Saviors, #2. This episode breaks between Morgan and Rick going out to look for her (HENCE ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE QUOTES ABOUT CAROL: “That woman, she’s a force of nature.) I don’t think I really understood the power behind the eyes in the midst of television until I saw this episode. I can’t find the gif, but I’m sure most of you who’re reading this know what I’m talking about. 

- last day on earth**: again this episode shifts between perspectives as TF is trying to get Maggie to Hilltop for her pregnancy complication, but Melissa is stellar here. Carol doesn’t want to love because if she loves, she has to kill, and she attempts to manipulate one of the survivors from the massacre into doing what she can’t: taking her own life. She just wants to go, and Morgan won’t let her. This one is a bit darker, and the episode as a whole is not my favorite, but it’s definitely up there in my favorite performances for Melissa. 

season 7 

- the well: if there was ever an episode that would show you that Melissa aces comedy, it was this one. This is meant to be an introductory to The Kingdom, but the hilarity behind the way Carol talks to Ezekiel is so entertaining. It’s kind of hard to believe she ends up marrying the man (we’re not going into shipper discourse here, friends) but this one also shows you something through Carol’s eyes: The differences between people and walkers and her desire not to kill. She wants to hide, and she does. 

- new best friends: Daryl lies to Carol about what happened in the clearing with Negan. This one is so so heartfelt. It’s deeply intimate. It showcases two people who’d move heaven and earth to ensure the safety of the other, both physical and mental and emotional. Norman and Melissa aced this. I can’t say it more simply then that. 

- bury me here**: I love love love love love this episode. The entire thing is a metaphor, but I love it anyway. If I remember right, this is also the one where Morgan tells Carol about Glenn and Abraham. Remember what I said about the power behind a look? This is another instance in which Melissa shows she is the master of this. 

- carol spends alot of the time at the kingdom for the rest of the season and i cannot really remember any more memorable performances for this garbage, as they took my fave and reduced her to a side character for this and most of s8.

season 8 

- the only performance i will give any credit to in this season is 8x04, which is Some Guy. I barely remember the rest of it. Minus the moment where she finally saves a kid - Henry - instead of losing one. And a heartbreaking moment between her and Morgan that I also barely remember. Case in point, S8 was and still is garbage. 

season 9 

- 9x01-9x05 all have Carol in them because whenever Angela Kang took over the show, she had the brilliant idea to actually use her lead women as leads. Season 9 feels like an eternity ago and I can’t remember if she took over before or after AL signed off, but my point remains. Between Carol’s loyalty to Ezekiel because of Henry, (who she has now taken as her son), and their marriage, and her short stint as the leader of the Sanctuary as Negan is in confinement, there’s something in Carol here we haven’t seen in years. It’s something akin to peace, or as close as she’s gonna get to it. 9x03 and 9x04 (particularly the conversation b/t Rick and Carol) are my favorite of this cluster for her. 

- I almost dropped off after 9x05. I thought that was it, I thought that was gonna be where I ended. Nope. This woman - AK- took this show and made it what it had been and I’ll never be able to thank her enough for it. 

- Who Are You Now: I only remember this one because of the scene where Carol and Henry are in the carriage - side note: I really need to go back and rewatch this season again - but one of the things that caught my attention about the after of the bridge was how the relationships b/t parent and child are approached as significant. They’re not the future. The adults are building for the future of the kids. Michonne/Judith, Ezekiel/Henry and Carol/Henry. It’s sweet. Very sweet. 

- Stradivarius: this is a very Caryl heavy episode, but we find out something here: Even with being married to Ezekiel, Carol has still gone out to see Daryl where he resides by the same river that took Rick. Henry sees the relationship between him and his mother. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face. This one is just adorable. I love it. 

- The Calm Before**: Ow. OW OW OW OW OW. You want more pain? Here you go! Carol faces the dark truth as she crests the hill that holds her worst nightmare: Henry has died. She’s lost another kid. You wanna restrain yourself from breaking through the TV to comfort Carol for the umpteenth time as she breaks? Cool. That’s what you get here. 

- The Storm**: Split apart by the death of Henry, Carol and Ezekiel no longer remain married. She gives up that fairytale - one of the happiest she’d ever had - and begins wallowing in her suffering over the loss of her son. Heartbreak and grief do not come easily to her. They never have. Can you imagine being suffocated by things you’ve never talked about? Can you imagine having to live every day with your grief? Well, look here... that’s exactly what Carol does, and you want to know who her guiding force is? 

It’s Daryl. 

season 10 

- I remember when Season 10 aired, I watched the first episode in Kenya and loved it. I’d heard something about how PTSD was a BIG factor in the progression of the story throughout this season, and as someone who wants to go into mental health counseling, I was so intrigued by this that every single episode kept my eyes glued to the TV. Carol is the lead female now besides Michonne, but I’m gonna tell you every single favorite episode of mine anyway. 

- Ghosts: Carol makes a mistake and fires at Alpha when they meet her at the border. She wears a mask that’s so composed it’s almost hard to see the heartbreak beneath it, and that’s the point. She’s not considering her life. She’s considering vengeance for the life that was taken. This is a constant circle for her. Alot of people are tired of this arc and I get it, I do. But the difference between this one and the three seasons previous is that we’re meant to get to a resolution now. This episode broke my heart. Especially the last scene in the gym. 

- Bonds: Another Caryl heavy episode. I love this one. It’s very lighthearted compared to the rest of the season. 

- Open Your Eyes**: This one is utterly terrifying and eerily reminiscent of the one in S2 where Daryl interrogates Randall. Carol, having just brought back a Whisperer from her escapade with Daryl, interrogates him to find out the location of Alpha’s horde without any real consideration for the people around her. She also uses Lydia for her own personal gain, and I’m not gonna lie - Even though this one is one of my favorites because of Avi Nash (WHO WAS SUCH A GOOD ADDITION TO THE SHOW I LOVED HIM AS SIDDIQ) This episode made me so angry because of Carol’s motives. 

-  The World Before**: And when I said I was angry, this episode turned it all into heartbreak. This one remains one of my favorite of the show and of Carol for one very specific reason: The scene in the woods between her and Daryl. 

As someone who has never done grieving well, this scene hit me so. hard. She’s so set on this path of vengeance and blood that she’s neglecting a very real truth that she has never done well: talking about her burdens, talking about the pain and if she does that, if she acknowledges it, then she will hurt. 

- Squeeze: I don’t have to talk about this. I just have to show you. 

Ow. Please, please let her heal. I’m so tired of seeing her hurt. 

- 10x11 and 10x12 don’t really have Carol, and neither does 10x13, but she’s there. We see her a couple of times, we have a conversation or two. Let me get to the penultimate moment. One we’ve waited for years to see and which next week will give us the rest of. 

- LOOK AT THE FLOWERS*****: You can be a Carol fan for five minutes or five years and still somehow managed to love her MORE after watching this one. There’s a couple reasons why this one is probably in my top 3 for both Melissa and Carol as a whole. 

1. I have waited years to see Negan meet Carol. JDM has made it very clear how he feels about MMB and I knew, I knew, that once this interaction happened I would not be disappointed. I should’ve realized she was the one who let Negan out, but I didn’t. That entire first scene is gold. 

2. This entire episode is just.. art. The fact that Carol’s darker side takes the form of the being of her hatred - Alpha - is fitting, and it’s also the first time we’ve really gotten an actual dialogue about multiple things that have formed her character for the last several seasons: The Grove, the loss of Sophia, Ed... It’s heartbreaking to see because she keeps telling herself pushing people away is better, it’s better to be alone because there’s no one to burden, and the darker side of her asks a very simple question: What do you want? 

Her answer is clear, at least to her. I want to be alone. But the fact that the darker part of her, the one that keeps calling out on Connie, doesn’t agree. No. There’s something deeper. Something she’s too afraid to acknowledge. 

3. That whole final scene. Wow. I’ve watched it like four times because Samantha Morton is just so good as Alpha, as Carol’s dark counterpart, trying to mock and taunt her into doing the one thing she never was able to do herself: Dying. This episode is dark because of this realization. “Look at the flowers’’ is akin to ‘’It’ll all be over soon.” but instead of choosing death, instead  of choosing the one thing that would let it be over, she chooses life. She essentially chooses to fight for herself which she has not done in YEARS. The minute she acknowledges that it’s never too late (FOR WHAT?? HM??) the demons disappear. I think that this point into 10x15 will give us two things that every Carol fan is desperate for: Healing for Carol (FINALLY!), and a resolution to this endless arc of suffering. 

Also... Why do we think that Daryl is the one who ends up welcoming her home? Why is he the one who opens the gate? 

Long story short: I love this character. I love Melissa McBride as she is one of the most down-to-earth, humble and compassionate actresses in Hollywood. It’s a shame she’s not gonna be recognized by The Academy because if ever there was an actor/actress on this show to win, it’d be her. 

[dewprisms]

After your binge-watching session, which would say is better: Kim Possible or Danny Phantom, and why?

Someone actually interested in my opinion for once?

Well it depends, both have their pros and cons in regards to episode plots/arcs, characters and chara development, character designs etc. So I’ll suppose I’ll break them down into different categories. Under a cut as to not make scrolling a hassle.

Also I apologize in advance for my page theme, I know it’s kinda shitty and hard to read sometimes but I’m too busy to change it right now.

Designs/Art: I know Stephen Silver was the main designer for both shows (and his designs for a lot of the teenage girls has a uh, Obvious Pattern.) Ignoring my bias towards Vlad and Drakken, I think a lot of the ghosts have fun designs, but KP gets points for actually letting characters (esp Kim and Ron) wear other clothes in S2 and beyond, and between Phantom, S1 Kim and S4 Kim I think S4 Kim has the best “action” outfit. BUT the art style for DP is pretty stiff at times and KP style has a lot more range for animation, body types and faces.  Overall though, I say they’re pretty tied imo. Both have a lot of ups and downs that truly comes down to a personal pref, even though the Fartman’s style is the more iconic one. I think KP wins animation/art and DP wins for designs.

Characters: Again, the villains shine here more than the protags. KP as such a wide range of villains that I have have to give them the point for creativity and FUN in antagonists, (Duff Killigan is prob my favorite in absurdity followed by Monkey Fist, the Seniors and DNAmy all tied for second. I really like Motor Ed too, seriously.) but that’s not to say that DP doesn’t have them either. Vlad’s true motivations are really...unique compared to other DP villains and even KP ones, (seriously? How many bad guys you know who’s goal in life is “fuck the MC’s mom and also make MC your son”) who like KP are just “take over the world and/or cause tons of destruction” but with only half the fun. Sadly Dark Danny’s entire thing hinges on him being Danny But Evil who only wants...destruction??? Whereas Evil Ron actually does something interesting with the character, showing Ron’s true potential (see Evil Ron vs Electronique in “Stop Team Go” for example) and being in-character for him still. (Faux Take Over The World plot to cover his true goal of owning all the world’s Nacos? Of fucking course Ron would. Brilliant.) Evil Ron still has hints of Ron’s personality (”Boo-yahaHAHAHA!”) whereas Dark Danny is just... evil for evil’s sake, which can be good when actually done right, but in this case isn’t because the only thing that resembles Danny is his outfit. Shego’s backstory is great. DP’s new S3 enemies are very boring despite interesting powers. KP S4’s Camille Leon is great but Warmonga is just eh. Moving on to protags, KP’s protags are far, far more interesting than DP’s. Which brings us to the next point. (Also Mr. Barkin > Mr. Lancer, and Kim’s parents > Danny’s parents.) KP gets this one.

Chara Development: Gonna say it, DP almost has none, and straight up regresses in very end of S2 and most of S3. I swear the only real characters who have any are Vlad (for better or for worse, the latter imo), Jazz (when they remember her, and is good) and Valerie (whose is good too). Tucker gets 3 (three!!) fking episodes about him and they ALL carry the same theme of him not being able to responsibly handle having any kind of power, which is why him becoming the town mayor at the end is so BAD. There’s NO WAY Tucker of all people would make a good mayor. VALERIE got more episodes than him, JAZZ got more episodes than him, both with development that STUCK while he’s a MAIN CHARACTER. Sam never changes, def for worse. Sam is a Base-Breaking Character for a dang reason. She’s extremely pushy, acts like she’s lowkey better than everyone else, and never seems to consider how her actions affect other people, and the like 1 or 2 times she does it doesn’t fucking stick like she’s Hank Hill or something. Danny has no real development for his character. All that develops for him are his powers and nothing else. On the other hand, KP characters DO have development and it shows! Not just for the protags but for villains too! Kim is bossy and a lil controlling early on and stops during S2, whereas Ron was extremely cowardly and gets, not exactly braver but just less phased by it all, plus early he never quite liked going on missions but later on gets sad if he has to miss them, before he doesn’t like being distractions but later on very much takes pride in being one, and etc. Drakken and Shego get development too, esp their relationship with each other AND with Ron and Kim. Bonnie actually got an episode of development (but sadly regressed in time for the finale) whereas Pauline just...never changes whatsoever. Bonnie actually makes for a good rival and mean girl for Kim for the entire show whereas Paulina and her relationship with Danny and Sam are just....bland and doesn’t go anywhere. There’s nothing for Dash, though Ron doesn’t really have an equivalent. So, KP gets this one.

Episodes/Plots/Arcs: DP wins in the Lore department by far, KP wins in character arcs. A Sitch In Time answers the great questions of What Would Happen if the Villains Teamed Up AND Shego is a Better Villain than Drakken so Why isn’t She in Charge? ft Time Travel. The Ultimate Enemy answers What If Danny Went Evil and Is Vlad Completely Irredeemable? ft Time Travel. KP definitely does the “balancing Hero duties with School life” better than DP. You can definitely see her struggles with it whereas DP is just kinda there. I also very much like that Kim is girly but is never shamed for it both in-universe and out, whereas DP is known for the shitty “I’m not like other girls” fake feminist bullshit. A problem I have with DP is that time pretty much never changes, as if the show takes place within a year, and it seriously hampers the growth of the show could have. Time is also just out of whack, they take their big end-of-the-year test then it’s Christmas THEN it’s Summer Vacation but even in S3 they’re all still in the first year of high school like ??? What?? Whereas KP starts in Freshman year and ends with Senior Graduation. The arcs of Danny/Sam vs Kim/Ron are just...D/S was definitely teased a ton more but by S3 you just get tired of it, not to mention the hypocrisy regarding the character relationships. Personal opinion warning, but Danny/Valerie had a lot more development in such a short time and was super interesting. Kim/Ron didn’t have as many teasing esp in S1 and S2 (it’s there though) but it def picks up in S3 and I love how their new relationship was handled in S4. Back to episodes, my favorite episodes for both are Reign Storm and So The Drama, but while I might be biased toward Reign Storm I’m gonna have to ultimately give better episodes overall to KP. So The Drama has Drakken going back to his Actually Dangerous roots from early on and becoming the closest to anyone to actually winning on his own merit (Shego stole the Tempus Simia from Drakken/Duff/MF and relied on weird time shit of Kim being “lost in the time stream” ((actual canon explanation)) to travel to the future specifically to stop her, to actually win) and is SO good when Dr. D finally gets defeated, plus (personal bias here) Kim and Ron’s teased hook-up finally happens. I will say though, I’m not a fan of S4′s Hana Stoppable/The Han story. As both shows are action-oriented, they definitely have their fair share of good fights but I think KP also has better action and fight scenes. Humor is extremely subjective but I think KP made me laugh more. Finally, DP is infamous for S3 just being bad whereas KP just got better and better with each season, though I’d put S4 below S3 and above S2. So: Lore = DP. Arcs, Action and Eps = KP.

Fandom: Ignoring the super gross shipping aspects of some parts of the fandom (If ur a P*mpousP*p or K*go shipper pls go away from my stuff i’m fucking serious), I think DP wins for this one. Many great OCs, (I really haven’t seen any for KP aside from next gen?) the already interesting lore is def expanded so much by fans, I legitimately don’t care for “Wes Weston” but my god did the fandom do some serious work for this boy. I don’t know too much about KP since the fandom seems kinda dead aside from some shipping stuff and a very slight revival from the movie, whereas DP ended before KP and is still very very active. DP wins fandom.

(Bonus) Reboots/Redesigns: I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure what could be done better for KP aside from the mess of Disney’s out-of-order airings, a more serious reboot wouldn’t work for the show at all, but DP could definitely use a reboot and fixes the disaster of S3. And reboots & character redesigns are def a hot topic for the DP fandom. So DP gets this one, though I’m not sure if this is a good thing.

Final: So over all, 4 for KP and 4 for DP, or if you add the little groups, 7 for KP and 4 for DP. Overall, I’ll say KP is the better show, but DP shines with the fandom. I also have a personal bias in favor of DP but it makes them even out for me. If you want interesting lore and good fandom content, go for DP. If you want fun and interesting characters, actual character development and more action and drama, KP is the way to go.

But instead of picking one, just watch both!

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with blueparacosm (they/them)

what are you working on right now? right now i’m working on a multi-chapter merlin au (murphamy, duh). murphy as the sorcerer, bellamy as the prince, octavia as the half-sister sorceress, lexa as the painfully vague great dragon, you get the gist.

what’s something you’d like to write one day? i’d love to write a big canonverse adventure story with murphy and bellamy. i love the idea of a story of about 35k words of them traveling together, getting to know each other better, and having all the conversations they should be having in canon. hopping planets, anomaly shenanigans, cave spelunking, bardo breakout, whatever the hell etherea ends up being. mostly just because i want a snow kiss on nakara. i won’t lie to you. just something big and colorful and fun. the works. if i do end up writing it, it’ll be after the show is over and all these new weird settings have been? fleshed? i forget the phrase. surely it’s not ‘fleshed’… ed’s note: they mean ‘fleshed out’, probably.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? definitely “alone with you.” i’m used to writing kind of absurd and fast-paced stories and “alone with you” stands out to me as one of my more genuine fics that takes its time, and i was really surprised by how well that change of pace went over with people who read it. i really wrote that one for myself, it was almost a vent fic about depression and comfort and nature and solitude and other loser dork shit, and so to see that people resonated with its themes was so heartwarming and encouraging. i even had a few people tell me they were laying around, reading it outside, feeling comforted and calmed by the mossy rock of it all. so i suppose it’s my favorite because of the great response to it, and because it was so different from anything else i’ve written and was basically just me testing the waters to see if people would mind if i spent more time on imagery and character development and yet, apparently turned out actually readable. who would’ve thunk?

why did you first start writing fic? god, i must have been 14? so when s2 was airing, and i’d never read or written fanfic or even been part of a fandom, i just loved murphy so much that i had to talk about it with someone, so i joined twitter and inevitably found ao3. and i found i loved fics and i’ve always liked writing but didn’t know what to do with stories after i’d written them, so i thought i’d try my hand at writing and posting something. i think i got a pretty good response on my first few fics (orphaned since then because… good god) for a 14 year old with shitty grammar and a weird writing style and terrible dialogue but a lot of enthusiasm, and i thought it was so much fun to share my ideas and get nice feedback from others, so i kept going. :)

what frustrates you most about fic writing? i’ll be real with you dog: i never feel good enough. i swear i could write a fic with 1000 kudos and 1000 lovely comments and i would still think i could’ve and should’ve done better. it’s easy to forget we do this for fun and for free and that i could be a hell of a lot worse. at a certain point, i think my understanding of what makes a good story surpassed my actual writing ability, so now i’m scrambling to catch up and write something i’m proud of again. fingers crossed for that merlin au.

what are your top five songs right now? “those who can’t, cheat” by clarence clarity “georgia on my mind” by microwave “eggshell” by runnner “nice house” by joy wave “gay in the south”by susto

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)? my inspirations are usually shows for structure and short stories for tone/style! my attention span is pathetic so i barely ever read books anymore which is … not promising for a wannabe writer and i should probably get that figured out if i want to continue improving but we’ll cross that bridge when i am prepared to admit i have arrived at it. but, mostly shows. i love watching tv and am constantly analyzing shows’ story structure and making notes of what i thought worked and what i didn’t like. getting a masterclass in suspense from black sails right now. all television is educational television if you try hard enough.

what attracts you to writing about Murphamy? what first attracted you?murphamy has such good bones. of course i’d want them to be canon, but their personalities mesh so well in the focused and organized and fun world of fics. there’s just something different about them in that they make every single AU their bitch. there’s nowhere they don’t shine and even if they weren’t already my only concern in the world, their adaptability makes them the perfect control variable for trying out a million different writing styles and lengths and genres. pirate au you got it. wizard au hell yeah. sports au let’s hear it for the boys. canon divergence release the beasts. fuck it i wrote them as witnesses to the crucifixion of jesus christ once and it wasn’t even that weird. they’re my favorite lab rats.

besides Murphamy, what’s your favorite ship on t100? i can honestly say i don’t care for anyone else. there are plenty of pairings i could boogie with and plenty of murphy ships that i joke about but none i’m actively rooting for or seeking out fan-made content about. murphamy or bust. i suppose i liked clexa, sea mechanic, and jonty well enough when they were in their prime but all good and gay things must apparently come to an end.

besides Murphy, who’s your favorite character on t100? oh sweet jasper… sweet jasper come home to me…

would you ever write a sheidheda/murphy fic? what about other rarepairs? i absolutely would. in fact i’ll do it right now. a story about those two going head to head would be a literal gold mine do you think this is a funny silly little game? it’s not. the tension between murphy and an ancient sexy demon is something that can actually be so personal but my mutuals are getting increasingly angrier with me for talking about it. not to say i’m stopping. as for other rare pairs i’ve been genuinely interested in ECHORI lately you know like an insane person. and i loved zev/murphy. it’s a cold, cruel world we live in. wouldn’t be opposed to one last gabriel/murphy hurrah before the show ended either. OH! OH! and someone should write some wells/murphy. not me because i’m writing sheidurphy.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? if anyone has a food lion near them, in the bakery they have these boxes of little sugar cookies and they’re only like four dollars but there’s like 25 cookies in there it’s unfathomable. 

also these baller writers on ao3: sapphictomaz, hopskipaway, oogaboogu, sadie18, and maunwocha! 

and for my finale i’m gonna plug my murphy playlist, and my murphamy playlist. because sharing is caring and music is good and i’m proud of them.

it was my absolute joy to interview blueparacosm! you can find them primarily on Twitter at slugcities. my favorite blueparacosm fics are: thirty-five paper frogs, an exploration of Murphy and Jasper’s friendship while they’re on the Ring together; the fantastic it’s good to be me, an absolutely poetic examination of prime!Murphy at the end of season 6; fish boy, the heart-wrenching mermaid!Murphy fic; and lastly, the old magic oddities show, a really weird fic that shows off the adaptability of these characters in a wholly new light. 

[untapanimedraw]

Anime of the Decade 2019

Alright, now we start breaking down this current year. There was a fuck-ton of anime that I watched and to get this done on time and without going crazy I can only highlight some of my favorites, but it was a damn good year. Lets get into it!

Winter:

Dororo - This is a remake of an incomplete anime series from the late 60s. And besides this show having an absolute banger of an OP and ED, it has some gorgeous art and a story full of heart and ambition. Party is over. 

The Promised Neverland - Definitely the suprise show of the season for me. I hadn’t read into the manga and was fortunate to not have been spoiled on anything going into it and that was definitely for the best. For a show based on suspense and mystery, keeping the thriller aspect is of absolute importance. This show was absolutely spectacular. 

Kaguya-Sama: Love is War - Oh man, this show was so much fun. Just so much fun from start to finish. The mind games, the banter, the character interactions are all so entertaining. There’s a surprise ED too that is too adorable to even describe. 

Mob Psycho 100 S2 - Ok, so this is my AOTS and a strong contender for AOTY. This second season takes everything we loved about the first season and cranks that up to 15 and then they have the absolute gall to throw in some super strong character growth as well! And as if that wasn’t enough, there were multiple EPISODES this season that had some absolutely mind-blowing animation. 

Spring:

One Punch Man S2 - Oh man oh man, I so wish this had kept everything the same from a production standpoint as the first season. This story is arguably slightly more interesting than the first season, and this could definitely have benefited from a 2 cour airing. And nothing has been able to top that season 1 ending fight and animation. This was a troubled season, and I hope if there’s another one that the production will be able to keep up with everything. 

Demon Slayer - This was such a great surprise of a show. I hadn’t heard about it or anything about it before starting and I was quite pleasantly surprised. One of the best new shounen shows of the last few years. 

Attack on Titan S3 Part 2 - And here is my AOTS. This second part of season 3 is just everything good about Attack on Titan PLUS... FINALLY! THE basement reveal!!! This is the building culmination of years of waiting and dozens of episodes and it is truly great. 

Isekai Quartet - Talk about the biggest surprise of the season, this show came completely out of left field. It’s an isekai show about 4 isekais. Like, this show is so fucking meta it’s insane. Also everyone is chibi, even Ainz. And there’s going to be a season 2 and they’re adding Shield Hero to the case. Truly insane. 

Carole & Tuesday - I really wish I could give this my AOTS, that’s how much I love this show. Particularly this first half. It’s basically a 90′s show that somehow got missed and is now being made and that still feels like it belongs. This is really an anime that’s a love letter to music and it succeeds wholly. 

Summer:

Dr. Stone - This is my AOTS. I absolutely adore this show. This season there were a LOT of shows that aired on Fridays and this was the first one I watched every single time. Humanity has been petrified for over 2500 years and this story follows Senku a science obsessed high school student who decides to recreate the entirety of scientific evolution in record time. Bill Nye meets prehistoric era shounen series. What an awesome idea, and I absolutely love it. 

Fire Force - Fire Force is like a love letter to fire animation. The only thing that holds this show back is some completely unnecessary, ill-timed, and ill-executed fanservice with a particular character. It really feels like a block that keeps me from wholeheartedly reccommending it to people, but besides this it’s an absolute treat for the eyes. 

DanMachi S2 - Wooooo season 2! AND we’re getting a season 3 and a MOVIE!!

Vinland Saga - Holy shit, this show is beautiful. SO good. 

Fall:

My Hero Academia S4 -  Hell yeah, more HeroAca. This first part of season 4 has been a slow-burner, so we’ll have to see what the rest of the season has in store for us next year. 

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun - This is such a charming show. It’s got all the appeal of the fun shows of the 2000s and reminds me of a less ecchi Rosario Vampire. And it is absolutely worth checking out. 

Vinland Saga (second cour) - I’m going to cheat a bit and include this in my fall selection. It is a 2 cour show, but the second part of the season is almost drastically better than the first part and I thought the first part was a solid 10/10. This takes it up to another level both in the visuals and the story and characters. Definitely my AOTS. 

Alright, so we have Mob Psycho 100 S2, Attack on Titan S3 Part 2, Dr. Stone and Vinland Saga. I am having some legitimate struggles right now. Dr. Stone wins on straight entertainment value, Mob wins on character growth and animation, AoT wins on payoff and action, and Vinland Saga wins on beauty and story and characters. I think it all comes down to Vinland Saga as AOTY, but damn that’s a hard choice. 

[carolinesiede]

My 2018 Writing Roundup

2018 was one of those years where I felt like I was frantically treading water all year, only to look up and realize I’d actually managed to swim myself to shore. The previous two years somehow felt simultaneously tumultuous and like a plateau. At first, I thought 2018 was more of the same, but looking back it was way more of a transitional year than I realized. I’m ending the year on a higher note than I started it, which is a really nice feeling. I’m in an apartment I love, feeling a bit more stable, and I even developed the ability to do a full pushup for the first time in my life, which is by far my single greatest achievement of the year!

This was my fifth year as a full-time freelance writer, and I experienced a pretty big shift in the types of articles I wrote this year—fewer short news posts and way more long-form pieces that more truly reflect my voice and opinions. I actually didn’t realize it until creating this roundup, but good god did I do a lot of writing this year. No wonder I had some pretty severe moments of burnout. I’m incredibly proud of the volume of writing I did, although I’m also frustrated that I worked this much yet still frequently struggled to make ends meet. Thankfully, after a rocky year money-wise, I found a little more stability towards the end of the year. Here’s hoping I can carry that forward into 2019!

One of my big goals for 2018 was to immerse myself more in the world of film criticism, and boy howdy did I manage to manifest that one! I quadrupled the number of films I watched this year and filled in some big cinematic blindspots. I also began writing film reviews in a regular capacity, first at Consequence of Sound and later for The A.V. Club and Alcohollywood as well. While I’ll always enjoy writing about TV (and loved covering the shows I did this year!), TV criticism is something I kind of inadvertently fell into at the start of my career. Film has always been my first love, and I’m glad I found the courage and drive to shift into this new area of writing. It’s been lovely to start immersing myself in the world of Chicago film critics too.

But by far my biggest achievement of the year (beyond being able to do a pushup, of course!) is launching my column When Romance Met Comedy for The A.V. Club. I poured my whole heart and soul into the column, both in terms of each individual entry and in terms of shaping its overall voice and making sure to cover a diverse set of films within the rom-com genre. It’s been a lot of work (way more work than is actually cost effective for me, to be honest), but I’m incredibly proud of how the column turned out in its first year. It’s also been really lovely to get so much positive feedback, both from the commentary community as well as from my A.V. Club bosses. I started my writing career with a blog about rom-coms and I find it hilarious that it took me four years to think of actually pitching that as an idea elsewhere. I’m so glad I did, and I’m having a blast planning out my slate of films to cover in 2019. (If you want to stump for your favorite, drop me a line on Twitter!)

With that, I’ll leave you with wishes for a Happy New Year and a roundup of all the major writing I did in 2018. If you enjoyed my work this year, it would mean a lot if you would support me on either Kofi or PayPal. Or just share some of your favorite pieces with your friends!

OP-EDS

My my, what the hell is up with the Mamma Mia! timeline?

A timey-wimey guide to the modern era of Doctor Who

Star Wars: Episode IX can fill Leia’s absence by embracing its forgotten queen

From femme fatale to complex superhero: The evolution of the MCU’s Black Widow

All the songs from The Greatest Showman, ranked

WHEN ROMANCE MET COMEDY

Like the best romantic comedies, Bridget Jones’s Diary is about more than just falling in love

Bringing Up Baby and the screwball comedies that delivered romance via pratfalls

After When Harry Met Sally, almost every rom-com tried to have what Nora Ephron was having

The Big Sick lovingly updated the rom-com formula with a coma and a great 9/11 joke

Something Borrowed and the phenomenon of rom-coms that hate women

In a sea of unintentionally creepy rom-coms, the original Overboard goes, well, overboard

My Best Friend’s Wedding rewrote the rom-com happy ending

Will Smith’s lone rom-com muddled its message about pickup artists and romance

Breakfast At Tiffany’s is so much more than a fashionable proto-Sex And The City

25 years ago, Sleepless In Seattle found the romantic hiding in the cynic

Before palling around with Ant-Man and the Wasp, Peyton Reed was Down With Love

You can dance, you can jive, you can love Mamma Mia! without feeling embarrassed

Maid In Manhattan let Jennifer Lopez’s rom-com talents sparkle

Pair Crazy Rich Asians with this Hong Kong rom-com classic

Jane Austen provided the romantic comedy some Sense And Sensibility

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days set the stage for the rom-com’s downfall

Romantic comedies (briefly) came out of the closet with In & Out

Pretty In Pink is a far superior riff on the Sixteen Candles formula

How Stella Got Her Groove Back is a sexy vacation romp that explores the line between fantasy and reality

The Devil Wears Prada pulls off the perfect romantic comedy look, even though it really isn't one

Enchanted, or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Disney princess

Why are Hallmark Christmas movies so addictive?

Without hope or agenda: A defense of Love Actually

SEASON-LONG TV COVERAGE

Doctor Who S11

Daredevil S3

This Is Us S2 and S3

Jessica Jones S2

Supergirl S3 and S4

FILM REVIEWS

Crazy Rich Asians has so much rom-com razzle dazzle it practically sings

Ben Mendelsohn battles suburban ennui in Nicole Holofcener’s The Land Of Steady Habits

Michael Shannon is refreshingly ordinary in What They Had, a family drama with focus issues

Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne build an Instant Family in a comedy more touching than funny

After a clumsy opening statement, RBG biopic On The Basis Of Sex effectively argues its case

Jennifer Lopez’s overstuffed Second Act offers three movies for the price of one

The Girl in the Spider’s Web: Lisbeth Slander gets an action hero makeover

Widows: An Enthralling Heist Thriller with Some Less Interesting Gangster Drama Touches

If Beale Street Could Talk: Love is a Battle, Love is a War

6 Balloons tackles the everyday agonies of the opiate crisis

I Feel Pretty takes on identity crises while having one of its own

RBG examines the complex, inspiring woman behind all the memes

Book Club does a disservice to its gifted cast of legacy stars

Set It Up is a fine, breezy rom-com for the start of summer

Ant-Man and the Wasp takes a modest quantum leap for the series

Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind looks into the late comedian’s heart

The Spy Who Dumped Me is a fun but fairly disposable summer flick

Like Father uses the Netflix format to play around with comic conventions

Madeline’s Madeline blurs the lines of fantasy and reality

Life Itself is so bizarre it has to be seen to be believed

Private Life takes a personal, observant look at late-life reproduction

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is a CGI mess with an earnest heart

The Grinch goes CGI and gets a fluffy, sincere modern update

TV REVIEWS/OP-EDS

Grey’s Anatomy’s lengthy existence isn’t a joke, it’s a strength

This Is Us is obsessed with killing its dad

Three years later, Supergirl is still telling the best female-centered superhero stories

Even without a resurrection, John Legend rises in NBC’s electrifying Jesus Christ Superstar Live

Sara Bareilles and Josh Groban lend an infectious energy to the wonderfully earnest 72nd Annual Tony Awards

Iron Fist season 2 feels like an entirely different show—which is mostly a good thing

13 Reasons Why puts itself on trial but can’t give up its worst impulses in season 2

Sex dreams and explosive rectal surgeries—it must be the Grey’s Anatomy season 15 premiere

Pre-Air Review: Dietland offers an ambitious, unapologetic taste of something new

Season Two Review: The messages of The Handmaid’s Tale season two resonate now more than ever

Season One Review: AMC’s Dietland aimed wide and mostly hit its marks in a chaotic first season

PODCAST GUEST APPEARANCES

Cinematic Universe: Men In Black

Cinematic Universe: Independence Day

Filmography: Wes Anderson comedies

Debating Doctor Who: Favorite guest stars part 1 and part 2

TV Party: Let’s Solve Westworld Season Two

TV Party: Appreciating The West Wing’s “Two Cathedrals”

Plus some other episodes of TV Party including this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, and this one.

MINDMEET INTERVIEWS

Bernard Avle: Human Beings Are Stories

The CyberCode Twins: A Blockchain Beacon of Hope

Jason Berlin and Tour de Crypto: A Pioneering Journey to Raise Awareness for Charity and Bitcoin

And here are similar year-end wrap-ups I did in 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

[mentalcurls]

5. Cosa ti eccita?

Episode 5, we’re almost halfway throught the season! This time I talk about that thing Martino says, mother-daughter relationships and my journey to empathizing with Edoardo Incanti (for now) as well as the results of the Bechdel test for this episode, of course!

this episode start so nicely: Martino talking shit about each and every one of Eva’s friends

he manages to be racist, sizeist, a slut shamer, classist and sexist and misogynist all in one sentence with this lovely bunch of derogatory definitions; plus he’s an asshole in general and unsupportive of Eva

Elia is right there with him laughing at all that, probably Peccio is too, Gio maybe cracked a smile, but don’t think for a second that anything but Eva’s face and the thought of the conversation they need to have held him back (I’d like to take this opportunity to remind y’all Gio in this remake isn’t as interested in politics as Jonas is in the og)

this is , from what I read online (I only watched S1 months after it aired), one of those scenes that made people angry and I can see why. It wouldn’t have been enough for me to stop watching, but I get why some people did. I do agree that a scene like that shouldn’t not bother you. I am angry that things like the ones Marti says are accepted without comment, that nobody taught him better, that none of the characters have been taught better, much less better enough for any of them to shut Marti up and confront him about the shit he just said; Eva knows it’s wrong, but she doesn’t even try to explain why to him, because she doesn’t have the words to and she feels like it’s be pointless. Eleonora might have been able to confront him and shut him up with one of her vitriolic answers, but it would have been met most likely with “Oh, burn” comments by the other guys. It’s what it’s like in Italy and I don’t think a show that has professes to be as realistic as possible should be attacked for portraying the realistic comments dumb, ignorant boys make or for not forcing a scene when one of the characters is suddenly knowledgeable and eloquent enough to confront all the issues in Marti’s statement. This are 16 years old. I’m Italian and I was “woke”-ish at 16, kept up with politics even, but I don’t think I’d have been able to to it. What Skam Italia did, in my opinion, to counteract Martino’s words in this scene, is show us that his definitions are false, narrow-minded and based on prejudice by giving us an in into these girls lives. No-one can watch Skam and believe Marti’s words. Unfortunately, in a realistic show set in Italy, that’s all we can ask for.

this is also one of the first times we hear Marti discuss girls with the guys and it projects me straight to ep.1 of S2, when we have the “buste di piscio” comment. For all we love our baby deer Martino Rametta like it’s our collective firstborn and we would die for him, he’s a misogynistic fucker sometimes; thankfully by the end of S2 he’s grown up quite a bit (and I hope and pray that the combo of Filippo, Sana and Niccolò will make him grow even more by the next time we see him).

on a lighter note, IL PECCIO IS IN THIS SCENE, IN THE FLESH!

“Tell me what’s the problem” “I don’t have a problem” “Eh, me neither” YEAH guys, that’s why you’re so warm and affectionate

Giovanni, you hypocrite. You complained you don’t want to be one of those couples that are attached to the hip and you acted like Eva was always bothering you, so you told her to make friends; now she has friends, she’s stopped always catering to you and only you, and you’re gonna act mad? You wanted your cake, honey, now eat it!

so is that “You can stay, the guys are gonna go in a bit” thing Gio trying to build a bridge or him beginning the prep for the lie about wanting to go to dinner with Eva’s parents and then bailing on them to get back at her? On one hand, I don’t want to believe my dear Giovanni Garau would do that, on the other this particular set of circumstances with Eva brings out some of his worst traits

ok, I understand Eva and Eleonora want to know why Sana got mad and threw her drink at Laura to empathize with her properly, since they also are not her biggest fans, but their being really oblivious to Sana’s loud “stop bothering me!” signals

“I had to run away like an idiot thanks to you” actually, Silvia, he left you there like an idiot, while he went to be “the big bad man of the house who will solve all the problems” (btw was the house even his? wasn’t it Chicco Rodi’s party, why was it at Edoardo’s place?)

anyways, the reason Silvia is so mad is because what Sana did is so far from the prim and proper, low-maintenance girl Silvia is trying to be, in Edoardo’s eyes especially, and she’s terrified he’s gonna lump her in with her friend, who’s already difficult enough on her own because she insists on being different

aaaaand Silvia goes for the racist insult; at least this time the other girls tell her to calm down and Ele seems pretty ready to give her a piece of her mind, though she stops at the last minute cause she seems to think that while Silvia is this mad she’s a lost cause

SILVIA ACTUALLY GOT A TEXT instead of sending one, Sana would almost be proud

YAS SKAM ITALIA GIVING INFORMATION ABOUT CONTRACEPTIVES

I mean, sex ed is not bad about sexual health and contraceptives here but it’s always good to show “actual” kids being careful

of course, they’re only half careful, given that they’re thinking of unwanted pregnancies, while ignoring the very real risk of venereal diseases, given that they’re talking about unprotected sex with a boy who’s notoriously promiscuous

still, I want to stress how this is a conversation between girls only; the “burden” of thinking about contraception always falls on girls’ shoulders: Silvia doesn’t think for a minute Edoardo might bring and not mind using a condom and just knows she’s the one who needs to be worrying about contraception; Eva took the pill and is now using the ring so we know she’s the one who’s been taking care of contraception in her relationship with Gio, too. It takes two to tango ladies, so why the fuck do we excuse male half of the couple from this part of sex??

honestly, it’s midday so Eva should get out of bed, but that piece of crostata isn’t the kind of thing I’d wake up for

oh, what a beautiful mother-daughter relationship! I’m kidding, but also not. It’s obvious Eva’s mum is not at home much, but she makes an effort to be there as much as she can: she keeps up with her grades, she badgers Eva so she’ll study and when she has some free time even offer to revise together, she brings her breakfast in bed, she’s there to listen when Eva confides in her. She probably feels bad she’s not up to date with Eva’s personal life and guilty that she’s not there for her daughter as much as she wants to be. And Eva screams at her like a proper teenager, but then she does a beautiful thing and actually apologizes, saying the words “I’m sorry”, and despite still lying she tells her mom a bit about herself (sure, there’s external pressure for her to do so in the form of Gio and of her new friends who want to come by her place, but still), she opens up, she communicates, which is really good cause she seems to have good parents, who for example don’t freak out at the mention of a boyfriend but ask her first and foremost if she’s happy

and Eva, what’s the point of saying “Yes, I’m happy” and looking anything but? You be thankful your mom takes it for embarrassment, cause you were not convincing

aaaand Gio hasn’t gotten any lately because of the fight so he’s horny, cute

Gio meets Eleonora! And it’s absolutely uneventful, but then again, it would be: even considering Marti’s classification, she’s not the weirdest and she’s the least interesting out of the girl squad to Gio, cause he’s already getting some, so he doesn’t care that she doesn’t put out

what is interesting is Gio’s worried face when the free clinic gets mentioned: dude, if maybe you were more involved in contraception and collaterals in your own relationship, then maybe your first reaction wouldn’t be worry

the “Prima volta?” lady cracks me up (also, in case anybody doesn’t know, she’s the same person that asks Marti if Nico’s bottle of antidote is a bomb in S2 ep. 7 and - I’ve read somewhere - the stylist of the series)

when Silvia huffed and looked put out at the mention of the clinic on the bus, I was unsure whether it was a fear thing or a “tsk, plebeians” thing, but it appears she’s genuinely scared: girl, why? I get being embarrassed, uncomfortable, but she’s more nervous than if she was taking the maturità exams

Silvia is not mad at anybody, much less Sana, because good, low-maintenance girls don’t get angry, don’t cause commotions, they’re graceful and compassionate and forgiving and nuisances simply don’t exist for them

the doctor is actually so helpful! in the og she was 99% comic relief, 1% actually helpful, but this doctor is nice and warm and encouraging

Silvia’s terrified/disgusted face when presented with a dildo, that’s not a girl who looks ready to have sex

at least Fede seems puzzled but interested

Silvia just seems so dumb in this scene: she doesn’t speak for herself, she is absolutely floored when faced with a sex toy and a condom, she seems to think that taking the pill for to days actually works as contraception, she doesn’t think of asking Eva to use her home to meet up with Edoardo before telling him yes... tbh she almost looks like she’s a bit drunk

still, she just knows how to manipulate people to get her way. She even brings the doctor on her side.

“Do you think it’ll hurt?” considering how unsure and worried you are, YES

Eleonora changing topics as soon as her sex life is brought into question 😏 but also, her lost face when Eva says sex shouldn’t hurt except maybe a bit at the beginning

THANK YOU ELEONORA SAVA FOR SAYING THE IMPORTANT THINGS THAT NEED TO BE SAID

the disgusted face Silvia makes at the word “turned on”???

ok, how good is it to see girls in media talking about sex and about their fantasies without any shaming whatsoever? (The comparison between getting turned on by clothes and animals played for comedy is a bit unfortunate, but imo it doesn’t ruin the positive, accepting mood of the scene)

*Regina George voice* Silvia, stop trying to make jello happen!

ok, so, my secondhand embarrassment levels are always through the roof during this scene

look how taken aback Eva’s mom looks when she sees Edoardo! He definitely looks nothing like the third year boy she pictured when she imagined Eva’s boyfriend, I mean, she was thinking more along the lines of Laura’s boyfriend, that nice boy Giovanni she’d met that one time…

oh, but poor Edoardo too, he’s planning for a one night stand and suddenly he has to deal with parents?? This was not the plan. Does this annoying, kind of pretty girl who wants to sleep with him think he’s her boyfriend or something? What a nightmare. Oh, wait, she’s not even here, is she toying with him in a misguided attempt at playing hard to get? Wait, she wanted him to go to dinner with her parents? Is this some kind of prank? Did he get the wrong house? WTF

AND THE DAD ARRIVES OH GOD when fathers get involved the situation usually escalates, you can feel Edoardo going “Nope. Nope. Think, Edo. Get out of this NOW.”

ok, the redhead he vaguely remembers from the party, great, now can she explain him what’s going on? No, she’s telling him he needs to leave and slamming the door in his face. (Also, first appearance of the boss Eva we see at Silvia’s 80s party in S2, hello gorgeous!)

and Silvia is hiding on the stairs. Which is cute and not at all “sfigate allucinanti”-like (see ep.3). Just like telling a guy to come over but not at your actual place isn’t. It’s fine having to ask your friend to borrow her place, having to sneak in, having sex in a house you don’t know and where you need to be careful not leave signs of your presence, on the bed where your friend sleeps, with her photos on the wall, her knick-knacks on the shelves, her clothes in the closet. It’s totally cool. Even when the guy you’re having sex with is polite and gets there a few minutes early, so he accidentally meets your friend’s parents and nearly panics and definitely learns this is not your place, you know, that’s stuff that happens and it’s absolutely cool. He just calls you crazy.

so really, I never thought I’d see the day, but I empathize with Edoardo Incanti and I understand him ghosting Silvia (not the whole “Who are you again?” conversation, just the ghosting) because she’s clearly in too deep, he’s know that since her first string of texts, and she’s doing borderline creepy things like borrowing her friend’s house to have sex in? And Edoardo is not interested in a girlfriend, much less a stalker, so he just goes for the path of least resistance and disappears, hoping she’ll get over it soo. (Except of course she doesn’t and she confronts him, so really, what’s the best way not to give her any stupid hope? Being cruel. And that’s what he does.)

back to Eva, Gio cancels and Eva TURNS HIS OWN “Non ho parole “ BACK ON HIM how wild

side note, I honestly really really would have wanted to see Paola’s reaction when, at some point, Eva tells her she was dating Giovanni; I just can’t decide what she’d think

Bechdel test: the episode passes the test. We have Eva and Ele pestering Sana about the fight at the party, then the two of the and Silvia discussing the pill, the conversation about Sana’s father’s patient’s restaurant outside the gyno’s office at the clinic and finally there’s a good 75% of the conversation in Eva’s bedroom, between Silvia, Ele, Fede and Eva herself, that actually passes the test. There’s just a couple of mentions of Edoardo in the middle.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#2)

\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.

-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.

-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!

-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.

-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.

-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.

-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was

-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’

-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon

-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.

-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn

-reese. god i missed you so much.

-they counted again. love that.

-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’

- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.

-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)

-i’m in love with her.

-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.

-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS

-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.

-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)

-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.

-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).

-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.

-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)

-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.

-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???

-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)

-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)

-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.

-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)

-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)

-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?

-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god

-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.

-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.

-waiting for charles to keel over and die like

-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill

-lmao stoll wow 

-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.

-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.

-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill

-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)

-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol

-counting

- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn

- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.

-GUYSSS

-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING

-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.

-ITS FUCKING

-oh my god

-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit

-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS

- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT

--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.

-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn

-H E R P O W E R

-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.

- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE

-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)

-deep breaths

-she’s so pretty oh my god

-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.

-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)

-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket

-GOD IM FUCKING GAY

-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.

-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)

-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR

- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.

-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)

-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.

-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???

-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.

-i love her.

-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)

-god jack kelloggs such an asshole

-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves

-there are a lot of things I could complain about.

-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN

-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing

-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best

-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.

-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.

-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)

-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.

-oh hey guys! ava’s back!

-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.

-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])

-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)

-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?

-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...

-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.

-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings

-noah’s a sweetie

-oh hey look it’s ava

-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)

-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)

-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)

-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)

-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.

-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])

-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)

-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking

-jack bro stop

-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know

-lmao stoll

-sarah... makes me smile.

-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.

-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.

-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!

-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)

-when is this guy gonna get shot already

-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)

-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)

-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot

-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)

-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)

-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin” *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.

-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!

-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.

- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL

-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it

-I------ HOLY SHIT?

-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???

-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.

-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT

-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.

-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD

-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.

-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.

-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)

- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)

-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care

-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl

-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting

-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS

-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god

-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)

-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM

-sarah and noah stay adorable

-aww stolllll, my heart

-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’

-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!

-charles looks high as balls

-the queen returns. she’s back

-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF

-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right?  we all remember that?

-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?

-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”

-...

- I-

-hahahah this is not okay.

-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.

-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.

-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.

-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.

- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.

-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on

Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?

Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.

Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.

The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.

Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.

First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right.  His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.

It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.

if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.

Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.

A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.

Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?

I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.

So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?

in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.

This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.

Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.

okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho

next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading

-

read the next parts:

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[sleepywinchester]

Behind The Story S2 | Pt. 19

Summary: It’s a special day for Y/N and Jensen. Author: sleepywinchester (prev. deanwinchester-af)

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Jared, Gen and Cast Cameos.

Pairings: Single!Jensen x Actress!Reader (Nina Dobrev = Faceclaim)

Words: 5.1k+

Warnings: Fluff.

Disclaimer: NO HATE TOWARDS DANNEEL!

Note: I know, It’s been a while but I’m getting used to my new job and managing my time. This is a chapter long waited for everyone, their wedding day. I wanted it to be perfect and I hope I fulfilled my expectations and yours. I would appreciate if I can get feedback? Let m,e know how you felt reading this. Which part was your favorite? Which part gave you all the feels? I would love that so much. 

Title: Love Of a Lifetime

MASTERLIST

“Breathe Y/N, Breathe.”

You repeated the words as the time to walk down the aisle came closer. The anxiety was building up a lump in your throat. After six years of dating, a child and unforgettable memories, the day was finally here. By the end of the day, you are going to be married to the man of your dreams.

You were going to be Mrs. Ackles.

What you felt wasn’t fear or anticipation. You loved Jensen and you couldn’t be happier to be his wife. But there was something inside that couldn’t let you think straight.

“Y/N? Are you ready?” Genevieve said.

You turned looking at the door, “Gen?”

“Yes?” She peeked her head into the hotel room.

Her eyes widen when she noticed your wedding dress was hanging still. You were in fact, not ready.

Genevieve’s glance was soft and understanding. “You’re nervous.”

“I am,” you accepted, letting a sigh full of relief out.

It felt oddly satisfying to accept such feeling. You’ve always tried your best to remain calm and strong with any situation but today you couldn’t just hide it.

“I can see it in your eyes,” she smiled softly, touching your bare shoulder as she walked pass you and grabbed the new and modern wedding dress off the hanger. “It so beautiful,” Genevieve said, admiring the dress once again. She turned to look at you, a grin across her face. “Jensen will faint once he sees you.”

“Yeah, it was a bitch to find the first time around,” you breathed out, “the second time around was even harder.” You felt the butterflies fluttering inside your belly once again.

You and Jensen decided to get married two weeks before going back to Vancouver. It was a spontaneous idea that with lots of help was possible in just a week of preparation.

Instead of having the previous extravagant wedding planned, you and Jensen decided to use the remains from the wedding and turn it into something more intimate.

Jensen had the brightest idea of using your own home as venue for the ceremony and reception. You guys had a big enough patio to make it work. Austin, Texas, would be the place where you and Jensen vow to each other and where you guys would call home.

You could listen the chatters and guest arriving as you spoke with Genevieve.

“I think I’m going to faint first.” You touched your stomach. The butterflies vanishing and your stomach began to clench. “I think this lingerie is too tight… I-I can’t breathe.”

Genevieve shook her head softly and placed the dress over the bed. “Hey,” she holds your hands. “Everything is going to be okay. Downstairs there is a man waiting for you. A man who is madly in love with you and you are with him.”

“I- I just don’t want to fuck things up. I love him so damn much and after everything that has happened… I don’t want to-,” You cracked a smile, a small tear running down your cheek. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him…”

“I know,” Gen gently cleaned the tear away from your cheek. “Put the dress on, once you see him at the altar, you’ll feel so much better. Trust me.”

“Thank you, Gen,” you hugged her. “Thanks for not giving up on us.”

Genevieve hugged you back for a moment before breaking apart. She gently helped you to get into the gown. This must be the most delicate piece of clothing you owned. Watching yourself in the mirror felt like a daydream. The white dress made your skin glow, the lace was placed beautifully.

“You look beautiful.” Gen said behind you.

A smile appeared across your face, turning around you faced her. “I want to cry.”

“Don’t!” She smiled, her eyes gathering up tears. “You don’t want to mess your makeup.”

You chuckled and nodded, putting on the veil.  

Gen nodded with the widest smile, “Ready?”

You took a deep breath, filling your lungs with air and courage. “Ready.”

 Downstairs waiting for you was Genevieve and your father. Given the short noticed, Gen was the righteous maid of honor for this wedding. She was there when everything started with Jensen, she was there when everything broke and when it blossomed again… She had to be there when you and Jensen said yes to one and other.

Your father couldn’t help the tears coming down his face as he saw you walk down the stairs.

You smiled widely, holding the grip tight to your bouquet of peach roses.

“Wow,” Allen Hobbs, your father smiled, “you look beautiful, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, dad,” you smiled and looked to your left, spotting Tom starring at you. “Hey, buddy!”

He smiled widely. “You look pretty, Aunty Y/N.”

“Awe,” you truffle his dark hair, “thanks, bud. Are you going to help get the rings to Uncle Jensen?”

Tom nodded proudly, like it was his long personal duty. “Yes!”

“That’s my boy,” you caressed his cheek gently.

In that moment, your mother walked in with JJ on hands. “Oh darling,” she sighed, “beautiful.”

You kissed your daughter’s head before giving your mother a thankful smile. “Thanks, mom.” You couldn’t help but try and look to the patio where everyone was seated. “Everyone is here?”

“Yes,” Gen joined the conversation. “And he will make a hole in that altar if you don’t walk out.”

Everyone surrounding chuckled including yourself.

You took a deep breath and kissed JJ’s head once again.

Turning back to Gen, you sighed and said, “Let’s begin.”

Everyone took their respective places… Your mother walked first with JJ in hands, leaving petals of peach roses petals as a trail in the aisle. Next was Tom who walked down the aisle with a slightly bit of nervousness but didn’t gave it much thought. He looked up to his father that stood next to Jensen in the altar and smiled widely, fasting up his pace.

Genevieve was the last one to walk the aisle before you. She wore a beautiful a beautiful peach dress, one that matched perfectly the colors of the wedding… pastel peach, white and beige.

You could see everything clearly now and it made your stomach flutter with butterflies. The setting was beautiful and dreamy, it was everything you ever wanted and more than what you had imagined.

“Ready, darling?” Your father whispered.

You took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled it out. “Yes.”

‘Give Me Love’ by Ed Sheeran played in the background as you walked down the aisle. The song was handpicked by Jensen. You saw a glimpse of the guest standing up to have a better look of the bride but your eyes couldn’t focus on them.

The only thing your eyes could focus on was Jensen Ross Ackles waiting for you at the altar.

You wanted to read his mind, to know what he was thinking but his expressions spoke it for him. Jensen’s entire face lighted up the second he saw you walking down the aisle.

He smiled big and clapped his hands, he was stunned away by you.

The closer you got to him, the more blown away, the more his eyes teared up, the more he fell in love with you. Once you were in front of him, Jensen covered his mouth with his hand, taking in your beauty; capturing this moment in his mind.

The moment where your father gives his daughter to him.

“Hey,” you said out with a big smile.

Jensen was a handsome and extremely good looking but he has never looked as dreamy like in this moment right here. You wanted to jump on his arms, you wanted to kiss him before even saying ‘I do’, and you did as you felt.

He captured your spontaneous shown of affection by kissing you with the same passion.

All the guest and family quickly cheering up at what they were seeing. Everyone knew how you were, everyone in this ceremony was aware of how your relationship with Jensen was. You weren’t known as someone who’d hold her feelings away, and you weren’t going to start in the day of your wedding.

“You look so beautiful,” Jensen said after breaking the kiss.

You smiled widely, “You look dreamy.”

He chuckled softly, holding both of your hands, “Shall we start?”

You took a deep breath in, “Mhm.”

“Dearly beloved,” the priest spoke, “we have gathered in this beautiful morning to witness the union of two equally beautiful souls in holy matrimony. Jensen Ackles and Y/N Hobbs… I’ve know this lovely couple for years now and I’ve known Jensen since he was a small kid running around in Dallas.” The priest words made everyone including you and Jensen chuckle. “I’m aware you two wrote your own vows? Y/N, would you like to start first?”

You heart skipped a beat, after Gen handle you his ring, you turned around you locked eyes with Jensen.

“Jensen Ross Ackles,” you said with so much love in your voice. “I have to catch my breath to believe this is real, that I am marrying my true love, my heart’s desire, and my best friend… Meeting you have been one of the highlights of my life…”

It was in that moment when memories from meeting Jensen roamed your mind.

Being your first day in the set of Supernatural, you were extremely nervous. This was your first major role in the small tv after five years of pursuing music. Everyone around set was very nice so far but you still haven’t met the two leads of the show; Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. You’ve heard amazing things about the duo, them being great actors but even greater persons and extremely handsome as well.

“Over there is your trailer and we will go over there later,” the crew member Stacy let you know as you two walked through set. “Let’s start today with hair and makeup.”

You gave her a thankful smile and hopped on to get prepared for your character. She was a feisty and smart-ass character, the hair dressers working out the perfect way to do your hair for this role and the makeup artist giving you a dark yet flirty makeup look. Once you were fully done you grabbed your script and backpack, on your way out you stumbled around your feet.

You would have smacked yourself in the concrete floor if a set of strong arms and hand haven’t had hold you in the right and perfect moment.

“Oh my, God,” you let out startled by the moment, only having a look of plaid.

“I’m not God but – you’re welcome.”

The extremely manly voice gave you chills that traveled around your body. Holding maybe too tightly to his arms but you didn’t want to let go. They were perfectly formed.

Slowly you looked up, your eyes locking with the most beautiful shade of green.

“Hi,” he smiled, “I’m Jensen.”

“When you walked into my life, love walked in. It was a magical moment that I will treasure forever with you. I promise to love you, Jensen. Not just for this moment, not for an hour, or a day, or a year – I will always love you.”

You could see a tear coming down from Jensen’s eye, as the same time you felt one of yours going down your cheek. There was no sadness involved, you were both slightly crying out of happinesss.  You smiled, holding on the urge to kiss is lips in this instant.

“From this day forward, let us keep building our home together, filled with love, laughter, joy and light.”

Jensen whipped off the tears running down his face. He turned to take the ring being handle by his best man and best friend. Turning back to look at you, he took a deep and sharp breath in.

“Standing here in this altar, all I can think about it’s our beautiful history together… Meeting you for the first time, becoming inseparable friends almost instantly and falling hopelessly in love. But it wasn’t until you opened yourself to me… When you let me in into your life, I had love you before that but it was in that moment that everything clicked in… It was that moment that I knew, this love would last a lifetime.”

“You can’t avoid what we feel, Y/N.” Jensen told you.

Frustrated you paced back and forward the trailer.. You and Jensen been talking and going out together for some weeks now but there was nothing official about it. You enjoyed his company, he was an amazing guy but you feared the side effects of dating him.

Turning around your eyes locked with his, “I’m not avoiding my feelings for you, Jensen.”

“Then why is it so hard for you to let me in?” Jensen asked.

You reached him, “Because I love you but-“

“-but what?” Jensen cut you off. He was tired, you both were exhausted after filming for fourteen hours.

You sighed, caressing his arms, you loved his arms. “But I’m scared. I’ve never loved no one like I love you… I never been with someone who could turn my life upside down. Being with you is everything I ever asked for and it scares the hell out of me.”

“You don’t have to be scare of me, of us,” Jensen said.

“I’m not scared of you…” You sighed, “I fear the media and the outside world… What can they do to us.”

Jensen hold your face with both hands. He looked you in the eye but you felt like he was staring into your soul. He was warm, he was always warm. Slowly Jensen leaned in and kissed your lips.

“They can hurt us if we don’t let them…” Jensen whispered against your lips. “I would never let the media or anyone hurt what we have… I love you. Y/N. I want to be with you, without having to keep us a secret.” He sighed sharply and with frustration. “I want to be able to scream to the world, I’m with you.”

Suddenly the fear drifted away and all you could focus it was in Jensen’s voice and eyes. He was right. You didn’t have to fear the media, you had him and if you had him, there was nothing else that could get between the two. You kissed him, with deep passion.

“I love you so much and you’re right…” You sighed, lips still touching. “I want to scream, I’m yours to the entire world.”

“I vow to love you in sickness and health. I vow to be your partner and the best father to our girl.” He looked at my mother who is holding JJ in arms. Looking back to you he continued, “and the ones to come… I vow to always make you laugh till your stomach hurt…And to be there when anything hurts or isn’t going the way it’s supposed to. I vow to be always by your side and to love you until my last day.”

The priest smiled widely as he continued the ceremony.

“Jensen Ackles, do you take Y/N Hobbs as your wife?”

Jensen looked at you, the corner of his lips lifting, “I do.”

The priest turned to you, “And you, Y/N Hobbs, do you take Jensen Ackles as your husband?”

“I do,” you smiled.

“Well,” the priest closed his bible, “by the power that the state and the church gives me… I declare you, husband and wife.”

Neither waited for the priest to recite the common phrase, ‘May you kiss your bride’. By the time he completed the sentence wife, Jensen’s lips were touching yours, and you were lost in the deeply kiss. You could listen yours and Jensen family and friends cheering in the background but you were too busy kissing your husband. It felt like in that moment a whole new world was being created for the two and you couldn’t get yourself to let go of him, of his kiss, of his love.

But every magical moment must have an end, yet you knew that this marriage would last a lifetime.

Letting go of the kiss, you turned to the guests, they all cheered and threw red and white roses at the newly married couple as they walked together down the aisle.

“We’re married,” you said out loud, locking your eyes with Jensen’s.

He smiled big, his eyes and entire face were sparkling. Jensen kissed your lips one more time, whispering another soft ‘I love you’ into your lips.

Before you and Jensen could join the reception, it was time for the official photos to be taken. Your mother and father were the first to reach and said how happy they were for you guys. After a couple pictures with them, it was time for the best man and the maid of honor to get photographed.        

Jared stormed in as the grown man child he is, taking Jensen into a huge hug. While his wife Genevieve hugged you very sweetly and with emotion in her eyes. You could see how happy she was for you and Jensen, how happy your best friends were happy for their best friends finally being together again.

“Come here,’ Jared squeezed you into a big yet gentle hug than the one he gave Jensen.

Once he let go, Jared placed his arm around his own wife. “I’m so happy for you guys,” he smiled. “I knew everything could get solved… I love you, guys.” You could see a small tear forming in his eye.

You and Jensen shared a look before both hugging the couple once again. There was a big chance that if it wasn’t for Gen’s and Jared’s support, you and Jensen wouldn’t be married at this moment.

After the official pictures were taken, you and your husband walked into the area of your patio that served as the location for the reception. It was beautifully decorated, the lights hanging between the trees giving the look of a magical forest.

“Give it up for Mr. and Mrs. Ackles!” Jared said in the microphone.

There was no way you could stop smiling. The joy you felt was overwhelming.

The first person you spot right away was your mother who hold onto JJ.

“My baby,” you said with open arms.

Your mother smiled, “Here’s your baby, my baby.” Once JJ was happily in your arms, your mother placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’m so happy for you, darling.”

You smiled back at your mother, “I love you mom. Everything looks so beautiful… Thank you.”

“Ah baby,” she clicked her tongue with the corner of her lips curved up. “You’re my only girl… It’s my job to make your wedding day extra special. Even though if you only give me a couple weeks’ notice.”

Jensen joined your side in that moment, “We wanted to just get married… We couldn’t wait anymore.”

“I know.” Your mom smiled, “I’m glad everything was a scam.”

You sighed, holding onto JJ yet not said a word.

“Thanks for not giving up on us,” he said looking at your father who also had joined the conversation.

“Don’t give us reasons to,” your father said.

You chuckled, “Can we not talk about that stuff and just enjoy ourselves?”

“I like the sound of that,” your mother said, “Where’s the bar?”

“Over there mom,” you pointed.

You huffed a laugh watching your parents walk cheerful towards the mini bar.

“Is that how we’ll look in thirty years from now?” Jensen hold you by your waist.

“Probably,” you looked up into his eyes. Gosh he looked so handsome.

He looked down, the smile in his face never fading. “Good. Can’t wait,” he said and kissed your lips.

Suddenly Jason stood in the stage with his guitar. He smiled at the both, his eyes telling you he’s about to sing one of yours and Jensen’s favorite songs. Jason cleared his throat before speaking, clearly nervous of performing in this best friend’s wedding.              

“Um – I want to say how happy I am for you guys,” Jason said. “You guys were made to be with each other… I know how special this song is for the both of you. I also know how crazy love can be. This is for the Ackles.”

Jensen turned to you, holding your hand, “Can I have this dance, Mrs. Ackles?”

You smiled back, nodding and walked with him to the middle of the dance floor. All yours and Jensen’s love ones gathered around as you and Jensen danced to Jason’s beautiful voice and talent. This version was slower, and with a lot more of emotion to it.

You laid your head over his chest, listening to his heart beat as it was part of the song.

“You’ve got a fine sense of humor when I’m feelin’ down… And I’ll run to you when the sun goes down. You take away my trouble, you take away my grief. You take away my headache and I’ll go right to sleep.” Jensen sang softly in your ear.

The way he sang to you made you forget there was people around. Jensen had the ability to make you feel alive, loved and mostly like the only girl in the world.

In that moment, you didn’t feel the camera flashes on your skin, all you could feel was Jensen’s finger intertwine with yours as he continued to sing only to you.

“Yes, I need you, in the day time…” Jensen made you turn around.  The tail of your dress flowing around with the air. “And yes, I need you in the night…” The way he whispered that line made your body shiver. “Yes, I want to throw my arms around you,” Jensen did as the song said, both laughing at the silliness of his acts. “Kiss you harder and I’ll kiss you all the time.”

You kissed Jensen, starting softly and shifting into more deeply yet lovely.

“You give me love love love, crazy love…” The two of you sang to each other as both lips were only inches away from the other.

After the song ended it was followed by a list of yours and Jensen’s favorites songs. It was a mix of greatest hits of Rock N Roll and songs that were ‘in’. You danced with everyone, your family, friends. Genevieve, Brianna, Kim and Ruth gathered around you to dance together while Jensen was dancing with his boys.

The lightly sound of silver touching glass made you turn around and look towards the small stage. Standing behind the microphone was Jared. He had the biggest smile in his face, and his tie slightly loosed from all the dancing.

Jared cleared his throat, like he was gathering the words inside his mind before speaking them out loud.

“I would be more nervous if I didn’t know everyone in this place,” Jared let out a chuckle. “I’m still very nervous though,” he looked at you and Jensen. “Today is a very special day… my two best friends got married… Just God and maybe some more know what this two have been through. Making Y/N and Jensen two of the not only kindest people I know… but the bravest and strongest ones. I remember the first day they both met like it was yesterday.” Jared looked directly into your eyes, “I have never told you this but… that man sitting next to you, hasn’t stopped talking about you since the day you fell into his arms.  Y/N this, Y/N that, ‘she’s so beautiful dude’!” He mimicked the way Jensen talked, even his deeper voice.

You huffed a laugh, looking at Jensen, you placed a kiss in his blushing cheeks.

“I also still remember all the pranks Y/N have pulled on me and how they made Jensen fell more in love with her. ‘She’s the coolest chick’ he stills says, and he’s right. Like Jason said… Y/N and Jensen were made for each other. You two have become a sister and a brother to me,” Jared said, his voice slowly breaking. “You’ve become an aunt and an uncle for my kids… You’ve become family to my family.” He rose his glass, “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you guys. To the Ackles, to their future, to their family… I love you, guys.” Jared patted his chest.

Everyone rose their glasses and cheered to Jared’s best man speech. Once again you shared a kiss with your husband, just before standing up and hugging Jared tightly.

“This might be the most beautiful thing you have ever said to us,” you told him.

Jared chuckled, “I meant it.”

You watched Jared and Jensen share a brotherly hug.

After Jared speech, your mother, father, a couple of friends, family and even Misha stood in that stage and spoke lovely words. Suddenly Jensen stood from the seat, fixed his jacket and walked to the stage. Like his best friend he cleared his throat before smiling at you or saying a word.

“I want to say thank you to all of you for coming here in such a short notice… I know you all have tight schedules, and we appreciate your presence in this very special day.” Jensen began saying, his eyes meeting yours. “Y/N… Y/N Ackles,” his smiled turned bigger, “I love you so damn much… sometimes it even hurts. It’s true what everyone says, you were the only thing I could talk or think when I met you… You still are, only now there’s a beautiful girl sharing space in my mind.” Jensen looked at his daughter that rested peacefully in your arms. “I’ve always known I wanted to be a father, thank you for letting me be one for our daughter. This speech might sound as a big gratitude but it’s the truth, I thank God for you, I thank you for the chances you’ve given me… I love you and like I said on my vows… I will love you until my last day, Y/N.”

Through the course of your wedding single tears have escaped but Jensen’s speech was the key to the fireworks. Your heart was pounding with joy and love for the man looking back at you.

Without thinking it twice, you hold onto your daughter and made your way to his side.

Jensen’s lips felt like home, with him is where you belong.

Your husband kissed JJ on the head before kissing you also in the forehead.

“I love you,” you told him with the biggest smile.

Jensen returned the smile, his eyes screaming how much he loved you back.

“Now… Hold our beautiful daughter because I have a surprise for you.”  

Jensen took JJ with slightly confusion in his eyes.

You smiled playfully, “You can sit over there, babe.” And so, he did as you told. “Jason?” You watched him stand up from his seat and joined your side on the stage. When he holds to his guitar it was obvious for everyone, you were going to sing.

“This is a song I’ve been working for a long time with my buddy here,” you looked at Jason and winked. “It’s been so long since I’ve written a song… I wrote this one from the heart, with all my love, for us.” Your eyes were only on Jensen.

“When your legs don’t work as they used to before… And you can’t sweep me off my feet.

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love? Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, baby, I will be loving you ‘til we’re seventy

And I’m thinking ‘bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand

Well, me- I fall in love with you every single day

And I just wanna tell you I am..”

“So, honey, now,” you hold the mic on your hand as you walked downs the stage and towards Jensen. Your hips moved slowly to the song. “Take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the lights of a thousand stars.” Jensen couldn’t help but kiss you instantly. You chuckled breaking the kiss and walking back to the stage.

“I’m thinking out loud…

Maybe we found love right now where we are…

When your hair all but gone and my memory fades.

And the crowds don’t remember our name

When your hands don’t play the strings the same way… Mmm..

I know I’d still love you the same…

So, baby, now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart

I’m thinking out loud…”

You sighed deeply after ending the song. Everyone including Jensen stood up to applaud you.

“Beautiful!” Jensen shouted with excitement. “That’s my wife!”

You chuckled at his excitement, walking down the stage and meeting his lips once again. You weren’t sure if it was the wedding, the company, Jensen or his love, but you felt like you were on cloud nine and you didn’t want to get down. You wanted this moment to last forever… but deep down you knew everything had an end, and this magical night would have one too.

The night was shortly coming to an end and with it, the last part of a reception came.

“Alright single ladies,” you hold the microphone with one hand and your bouquet with the other. “You guys know what time it is…”

You laughed seeing Emily, Jensen’s and Jared’s sister, along with a couple more friend’s jog towards the dance floor. They all gathered a couple steps from you, waiting with smiles in their faces. Giving Jensen the microphone, you turned around and looked to the single ladies over your shoulder.

“Ready?” You said and turned, the round of cheers telling you they were more than ready. “One,” you began the count and slowly motion the bouquet backwards. “Two… Three!” You threw the bouquet as higher as you could, and turned quickly to see who caught it. “Emily!” You shouted with excitement as she holds onto the bouquet.

“What the fuck?” She laughs. “It literally dropped on my hands!”

You laughed, “Guess that’s destiny.”

“I think it’s time for us to leave,” Jensen spoke through the mic. “Isn’t that right honey?”

“Yeah!” You said with a wide smile. “Our honeymoon!!”

Everyone surrounding you two cheered and applauded.

You took the last pictures with everyone and said goodbye. The last one was your parents, whom you left to take care of JJ while you and Jensen were away for one week.

“Call us if anything happens mom!” You shouted as you walked away.

Your mother waved you good bye, “Go and enjoy your honeymoon!” She shouted back.

“Oh we are totally going to enjoy it,” you said turning to Jensen and kissing him.

; please leave feed back? ; ; tag list: closed;

@flawsweirdo @sis-tafics @torn-and-frayed @blacktithe7 @ruined-by-destiel @kazchester-fanfiction @xtina2191 @padackles2010 @adriellej @chickenmcsade @nokillzforu @faith-in-dean @thing-you-do-with-that-thing@supernaturalyobessed@feelmyroarrrr@latinenglishfandomblog@fandommaniacx@moonstar86@purgatoan@capsofwinchesters  @deansbaekaz2y5 @danijimenezv@jayankles  @fuckingpisces@mskitty416  @starswirlblitz @sam-w @doro7winchester @silver-and-green  @sydneymarie101195@smoothdogsgirl  @bemyqueenofdarkness  @bloodyheartsx @acreativelydifferentlove@devilgirlsarah@donnaintx@thewhisperingfox@fernandasvaldi @waywardlullabies@cascar24@typicalweirdbookworm @notmoose45 @thevioletthourr @ivvitm1109  @dixonsvixon2017 @ronnie248-blog  @babyjpad  @thankyouforanonymity  @allieyolo123  @tiffanycaruso  @winchesters-favorite-girl  @deansposse  @deansgirl215   @cierraleigh   @nennesse  @georgialouisea @theplaidshirtmadness @isakslilsmile  @mogaruke  @abmariexo

; if your url id like this, sorry. tumblr didn’t let me tag you. ;

[kordeliiius]

Fall Anime 2017 First Impressions

Black Clover - Kinda hooked me, but seems kinda cliche at the same time. I don’t quite understand how magic is used in this world or what exactly a grimoire is, but there’s a clear mystery with our main guy Asta going on here, so i’ll stay with it for at least a few more weeks.

Shoujo Shuumatsu Ryokou - this one’s a keeper! I found the two main characters and their interactions to be really cute, and the detailed backgrounds contrast well with the simplistic animation. I just wanna hug these girls ;-; (oddly one of two shows with 旅 in the name and they both air on the same day)

Kino’s Journey - the trailer didn’t hook me very much, considering the fact that CG use isn’t rare and Kino is drawn way more “anime” than the crowds, but after watching the first episode, I rather like it! I think the presentation of law vs morality is really interesting, and I can't wait to see how it’s explored. (Though I fear it won’t be long before people start calling this show problematic or something) I hear that the original series was a whole new story every episode, so I wonder what’s in store for Kino. I wanna know that the deal with Hermes is! Also if blood and weapons are a problem with you, maybe skip this one.

Classicaloid S2 - I’ll be staying here the whole way, since I tuned in for the full s1 last year. There is no shortage with the antics this time, like it gets reeeeeeeal crazy some time in, and I like the callbacks to the first episode. The new characters seem cool as well! I find *cough* Wataru’s character to be interesting and I like his design, but I’m hoping Dovo gets a human form eventually... eh

Sangatsu no Lion S2 - I’m returning to this one as well and holy HECK the visuals are fantastic! They’re especially unique in the OP and ED, I’m glad to see the previous singers return. The plot seems to be furthering on well already, though slowly. We can already tell from just this episode that Rei has come such a long way.

The Ancient Magus’ Bride - I finally watched the OVA a few days before watching the first episode (it also dealt with a lot of abuse subject material and made me cry by the end), but I liked all of it! I like the art style and character designs a lot, and the world built up around Elias’ home is truly fantastical. Can’t wait to see how it goes!

Houseki no Kuni - i thought the premise was quite interesting, i’ll continue this one! I’m not a big fan of CG anime because it usually looks fake, but i think in this case, it was well-done. The fight scenes are stunning, there are good angles every now and then, and the characters are quite expressive in this medium (also almost every character is nb with an androgynous voice!!), though the way they rendered liquids is kinda weird. (i honestly wonder what it would look like if you rotoscoped it) If I ever want to be an animator, I’d want my style to be 2d, but have the same kinda movement that Houseki no Kuni characters have. But for now, i’ll do my best to learn all the characters’ names. And because I know someone is gonna ask, this series is nothing like Steven Universe, but i like how they handle things differently.

[arcaneranger]

Summer First Impressions

So, it occurred to me that the way I had been posting (only mentioning my opinions after I’d finished/dropped a show) was not exactly helpful for people wondering what exactly I was still watching. So, for the first time, I watched (almost) every single first episode to get a complete picture of the Summer 2017 anime season from the beginning. Note that with the exception of shows that started last season (Re:Creators, Sakura Quest, HeroAca S2) I have only watched the first episode of these shows, even those that have already aired more than one. Every few weeks I’ll give a (shorter, obviously) list of what’s still here and what’s newly on the shit list.

So, what follows is a quick list of every show I watched and a quick bit about why I did or didn’t like it.

On Probation:

18if, I'll stop if he keeps saving helpless girls Elegant Yokai Apartment Life, I'll stop if it doesn't present an actual hook Aho Girl, I'll stop if I decide I can't stand the heroine Tsuredere Children, I'll stop if it stops being realistic Angels 3Piece!, I'll stop if it actually does what the first episode hints at Altair Record of Battles, I'll stop if it keeps feeling like it's ticking boxes and moving at the speed of light Chronos Ruler, I'll stop if the plot goes too far off the rails

Still Watching:

My Hero Academia S2, because they are my literal children Classroom of the Elite, because it's like if Baka and Test were serious Restaurant to Another World, because a good concept can go a long way if you use it right Fastest Finger First, because the quiz show is unique and I haven't found anything to object to Re:Creators, because it oozes cool and is really well-paced Sakura Quest, because it reminds me of Locodol

Knight's & Magic, because I'm down for an isekai show with purpose

Katsugeki TOUKEN RANBU, because it gets the Most Improved award

Gamers!, because co-ed club comedies are almost always better Saiyuki Reload Blast, because it's a gritty action comedy with fun characters Dive!!, because I'm lacking in decent sports shows this season and it's better than Aoyama-kun Made in Abyss, because I love a good Ghibli knockoff Princess Principal, because AESTHETIC New Game!!, because it takes a lot to get me into a female-only show Hell Girl: Fourth Twilight, because I'm down for a fourth season of Suspense and Awful People

Dropped Like a Hot Plate:

In Another World With My Smartphone, for being the least ambitious show I've ever seen Aoyama-kun is a Clean Freak, for not being funny and looking like garbage Hina Logi - From Luck & Logic, for letting trashiness override anything that could have been interesting Vatican Miracle Examiners, for combining horror and mystery and still being boring My First Girlfriend is a Gal, for being porn Convenience Store Boy Friends, for being too boring to boring the boring NTR Netsuzou Trap, for being rape-y

On Hold: Love & Lies, unless the preposterous concept is explained better

Disqualified/Skipped: Battle Girl High School / Action Heroine Cheer Fruits, because just when I think that Daisuki has gone away, we get HIDIVE Kakegurui / Fate/apocrypha, because Netflix doesn't understand what they're doing A Centaur's Life, because I'm not interested in monster girl shows anymore Owarimonogatari Second Season, because I can't get into this show until Crunchyroll uploads the original in HD Sagrada Reset, because I've only heard really bad things about it Senki Zesshou Symphogear AXZ, because nobody has licensed it two weeks into the season and that breaks my heart The Reflection, because it hasn’t aired or been picked up yet

Still Watching Later: Welcome to the Ballroom, for a concept I've never really seen before Magic Circle Guru-Guru, because good parodies are hard to come by and Dragon Quest is ripe for the picking

HIGHLIGHTS Crunchyroll/VRV Classroom of the Elite, Studio Lerche I'm a little biased about this studio, and the twist at the end of the episode can be seen from miles away, but we already have the makings of a solid deconstruction here. The main trio thus far reminds me a lot of OreGairu's Service Club, with the uninterested protagonist, the ice queen heroine, and the genki girl with a friendship complex, and combining this with concepts from Negima and Baka and Test is going to make a fun ride.

Katsugeki TOUKEN RANBU, Studio ufotable Turns out ufotable knows how to make more than Fate and Tales. There's plenty of time travel shows this season but this one is easily the most well-produced, and given that I couldn't get through the first episode of Hanamaru, a very pleasant surprise in terms of serious action.

Anime Strike Made in Abyss, Studio Kinema Citrus Already shaping up to be the dark horse of Summer 2017, the first episode was drop dead gorgeous, and the concept is taken straight from the repertoire of Studio Ghibli, with art design reminiscent of Level 5. We already know those two things work together!

Princess Principal, Studio Actas & 3Hz My aesthetic. It's infinitely more interesting than its closest contemporary, Joker Game, by being more visually interesting and not being about boring cardboard cutouts. Overall, I watched 32 first episodes, only effectively skipping five (since four of them are just plain unavailable), and I dropped 7 out of those 32 after the first episode, so I’m still watching 78% of those shows. We’ll see how many of the probation ones are doing soon. And that’s it!