#good life even

[gettingtoast]

american football 1999 self titled playing while my gf and i play board games w the windows open

[shepscapades]

I wish you coulda seen the look on my face when I glanced at Bdubs’ comment section for his wild life ep2

[whump-it-like-its-hot]

So earlier in art class today, someone drew a characters hands in their pockets and mentioned that hands are really like the ultimate end boss of art, and most of us wholeheartedly agreed. So then, our teacher went ahead and free handed like a handful of hands on the board, earning a woah from a couple of students. So the one from earlier mentioned how it barely took the teacher ten seconds to do what I can’t do in three hours. And you know what he responded?

“It didn’t take me ten seconds, it took me forty years.”

And you know, that stuck with me somehow. Because yeah. Drawing a hand didn’t take him fourth years. But learning and practicing to draw a hand in ten seconds did. And I think there’s something to learn there but it’s so warm and my brain is fried so I can’t formulate the actual morale of the lesson.

[hansoeii]

we go just right.

[tomwambsgays]

unadulterated loathing

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

[nouverx]

*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*

Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)

[aimasup]

"And by god, did he want to feel special."

Ford's corrected plenty of teachers who wrote the question on the board wrong before, but Ford didn't expect the Muse of Knowledge to even be capable of that, much less to catch it...

Okay now let's be real, besides the chess games, I feel like Bill would've, on rare enough occasions to be special, dangle other wins in front of Ford to really make sure that portal gets completed. Only the best carrots on a stick for his hardworking puppet <3 let's make him feel like an equal to a god for fun

And Bill intended for his home dimension's last atom to be just another carrot, but what happened was Ford brought out a side of him without even trying when no one else in a trillion+ years could

Like he definitely looked back at that moment (when he got so comfortable mid-convo that on a whim, he whipped out his past and gave answers less cryptic than usual) and said 'i planned that! I said all those things to make him more attached to me!'

maybe he's right, who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also don't bother googling those math terms i made them the fuck up

[virtualplushy]

oh btw just in case nobody ever told you. just because your life looks different than you thought it would doesn't mean that your life is bad or wrong or disappointing or less than. sometimes things aren't good or bad. sometimes they're just different

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[beans-core]

Percy Jackson the type of guy to wake up, remember he’s dating Annabeth Chase, and smile like a maniac.

[hinamie]

been in a yuuji mood

[dirtytransmasc]

I'm just imagining Sevika charging into battle not knowing where her girls are. she hears whispers from the battlefield that Isha is dead and that Jinx is gone. taken. captured. surrendered. she doesn't want to accept either. she almost refuses. and it's in the back of her mind that she has to live so she can find her girls, and at the very least, remember them.

and she almost dies. she thinks that there might not be anyone to remember them. to find them.

and then she doesn't. she doesn't die. and one thing leads to another, and she's on the council. and....

she still doesn't know what happened to them.

and then Vi, the girl who, justifiably, hates her guts, comes back. and the look on her face all She needs to know Jinx is gone. but she can't accept it. she can't.

she demands to know what happened, in a clipped, gruff manner, not displaying much care, but her eyes are teary and her gut is churning.... and Vi just says they're gone.

and all Sevika can do is whisper "... both?"

and she doesn't wait for an answer. the face is enough. "how?".

the answer kills her.

she walks away. murmurs an apology over her shoulder.

she doesn't know what to do with the feeling in her chest. her fingers trace over the carving in her arm.

[vmkhoneyy]

I think if I could be the kind stranger in someone’s memory, that’d be enough.

[theminecraftbee]

a suggestion:

i think we're done with symbols with feathers.

there's not really a need for a canary anymore, see. there's no need for a warning. the point of a canary was never that it dies; the point was always that it told you that you were about to. but there's no need for that anymore, let alone to pass it around like some kind of curse. these days, it's not a surprise when people start dropping.

someone's always got to die first.

it's not even me anymore.

so we're done with that symbol, okay? throw it out. we're done. there's no need anymore. maybe it's time to acknowledge it's never been some toxin from below, anyway, inescapable. there's never been some ineffable outside force, laying curses. it's always just been--

well it's always just been me, hasn't it? blood in my teeth like the rest of you. i'm not special. there's never been some reason. you just liked killing me.

you just like killing. i get it now.

feel guilty for that.

[stuckinapril]

don't stress about that opportunity that fell through or that friend you lost or that thing you really want to happen but isn't. as long as you keep your chin up and try try try again, better things will replace your losses. i'm looking at my life rn and actually marveling at how every single thing i stressed about, whether it be an opportunity or a person, got supplanted w another thing that is so much better. it really is true that loss makes space for better things. these days i don't get sad when something doesn't work out. i get excited that i'm now open to so many other possibilities out there, so long as i actively seek them. you never lack. you just transition.