#good god im murdering this pen and i love it >:3

[difty-dift]

Your imperfect familiar~

Inktober Day 8

[triglycercule]

ok ok you dont need to threaten me here's some art ☹️☹️☹️

appreciate now while you have it because doodles are rare coming from me (only tri-yearly. i cannot doodle for the life of me its hard 🙁)

[fumingspice]

andante

Pairing: Cordelia Goode x Reader

Prompt: oK so how about like?? Delia x reader and they're both in love af but they think the other has no feelings for them so they're both tripping over themselves to make the other love them and then madison comes in and she's just like 'stop being dumb' and they finally realise how much the other loves them.

I’m sorry but my ed crept back in and im not horny enough to put more thought into writing so just ignore the massive time skip at “---”. enjoy, you strange people xo

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*(*❦ω❦)*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It's crazy. Falling. You see? We don't say "rising into love". There is in it, the idea of the fall. And it goes back to extremely fundamental things. That there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the creation. Taking this ghastly risk is the condition of there being life. You see, for all life is an act of faith and an act of gamble...

Between Cordelia Goode's ears were pretty brown eyes and a mind full of thoughts. Brown eyes were never really your favourite until you saw them on her. You knew yourself that somehow, over the years you got to know Cordelia; working with her, befriending her, carrying her home from the bar one night when she got far too drunk, letting her cry into your shoulder when her job became too real and she could feel her mother's words hanging over her head.

When you started falling for the woman with those beautiful brown eyes.

Somehow, her eyes were now your favourite colour.

Not brown- brown wasn't simply the word for the colour. Cordelia's eyes were the colour of aged whiskey. Sometimes they were the only two safe shots of tequila that you could see. Sometimes they were a beautiful milk chocolate dotted with exposed honeycomb. Once when she had asked you to help her decorate the garden for the Summer Equinox- she had given Zoe enough money to take the girls on a field trip for the day so she could give the girls a little party. You stood watching her in her denim shorts and her white button up. When she had stepped back and put her arm around you to admire both of your handy work you could have sworn her eyes were glowing like fresh magma.

Her hand lay on your waist a split second too long.

You had fallen in love with the Supreme.

"Yo, bitch!" Madison Montgomery's usual entrance phrase disturbed you from your imagination. You raised your brow and smirked.

"Yes, Madison?"

The blonde took her sunglasses off her face and closed them with a slight snap. "The girls want to know if you wanna come to play Pysch! with us," she said. Her lips were curled in what could almost be described as a friendly smile. You were one of the few honoured to know that under Madison's bitchy white girl facade there was actually a very sweet someone lurking under there.

You thought for a moment and put your pen down. "I won't be long- I just have to log these last few names and I'll be there," you tell her. Madison rolled her eyes and waved her hand, the pen lifted itself and wrote the last thirteen names within seconds. "You're done. Let's go, Y/N."

Madison didn't even give you a minute to say anything before she walked out of the room. "Come on, bitch. Don't make me use my powers!" she called from the hallway, finally motivating you to move.

The girls sat in a circle in Zoe's bedroom. Lights off. Candles lit.

Zoe, Queenie, Mallory, and Coco were indulged in their phones for the game. Madison turned to you and held up her phone to show you the question. "What is Zoe's deepest, darkest secret?" she read. "You gotta answer it and the person with the most votes wins. It lasts for ten rounds and it can be fucking hilarious."

Zoe's face was red with laughter at the answers. "She's not actually a witch- that's not even funny," she gasped through cackles. She then sobered slightly. "She likes to watch Danny Devito movies while masturbating and screaming 'I am a dirty man'."

Madison was the only one who chortled at that.

You joined the game and got your best answers ready in your head. "If Madison got arrested tomorrow what would it be for?"

Madison rolled her eyes and muttered something about knowing exactly what everyone was about to answer. You smirked slightly, sensing her slight apprehension.

Prostitution.

Murder. Third-degree.

Fucking up the brakes on a bus full of frat boys.

Public Nudity.

"Gosh, you're so original," she muttered, glaring right at Zoe, who just shrugged.

"It's the rules of the game, bitch. Go all in, don't get offended," she replied.

The game pinged for the next question.

"What is on Y/N's mind right now?"

Coco gave a loud "Ha!" and typed quickly, along with the other girls who were all typing as quickly as possible to get their answers in first.

A quiet knock came from the other side of the door and Cordelia poked her head around. "Sorry to interrupt, girls. Y/N, could I borrow you for a moment?" she asked, voice sweet and angelic. You bounced up as soon as she finished the sentence and obliged straight away. You were met with a sweet smile.

Madison flicked her brows. "Speak of the devil," she muttered, winking at Delia's slightly confused face. As you left, your phone pinged to announce the results just before you left the game.

Cordelia 🥵🥵🥵

Delia. I ship it <3

Getting knuckle deep finger fucked by the HWIC

French fries

You quickly shut off your phone screen before Cordelia could see.

"What's the matter, Delia?" You asked, practically skipping alongside her. There was a vibrant air of satisfaction between you.

Cordelia shook her head, her blonde hair bobbing with her movements. “I just wanted to know if you’d like to go out.”

You felt your heart stop. “Go out?”

Cordelia looked hurt by the confusion on your face.

“Yes. Would you like to join me in the garden?”

“Oh,” you realised, slightly disappointed. “I would love to.”

---

"For the love of Hades. Right, I don’t mean to sound rude or anything because I have some understanding that lesbians are fucking useless because of the fear of appearing to be predatory because the media is an asshole,” Madison continued. “But I don’t really think any of us can eat at this table anymore without choking on the fucking sexual tension between the both of you.”

Cordelia looked shocked. “It’s not that-”

“I’m a fucking mindreader! You do get that I can fucking hear the things that you say in your head about what you want to do to Y/N? I’m one gutter minded bitch and not even I’m creative enough to come up with that shit while I’m eating my fucking apple turnover!”

You blushed hard and chuckled.

Madison’s neck snapped towards you. “Oh, and don’t getting me fucking started on you! Do you know how fucking unsanitary it would be to carry out your little fantasies of fucking Cordy on the kitchen counter? Not even for us but the amount of fucking crumbs that would work into your nooks and crannies would be like trying to spring clean Myrtle's fucking hair! "

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Cordelia chuckled nervously. Her face turning a shade of red. “I’m sure Y/N’s got plenty of better options.”

Madison dropped her face in her hands and rubbed her temples. “God, you bitches are going to put fucking years on my skin.”

“Oh, give me a break, Madison.”

Cordelia stumbled foward slightly, having been tripped up by some unseeable force and sending her tumbling into you. Her hands lay against your chest for that split second too long once more.

Your lips parted for a moment and your breath hitched as you both watched Madison smirk and leave the room. It felt like your heart was beating at a thousand miles an hour. You surroundings were unnoticable to you now; replaced by unidentifiable whirls of colour and light. Your hand rested flat on Cordelia’s cheek. It was different this time. Not the spark, that had been there every time you touched. It was the fact that you were both too slow to ignore the ignition that started in your chests. 

You saw her eyebrows falter from their previously confident expression, like all of her preparation and barriers and walls had fallen down and she was too slow to replace them. Cordelia pursed her lips, presumably trying to figure out what she should say to you. Again, she was too slow as you inhaled sharply and thrust yourself forward to catch her lips.

Delia was quick to mould herself to the curves of your front, hands falling to the small of your back on a collision course as she backed you into the dining room table. You smoothed your hands over the contours of her jaw, her collar bones, breasts, hips like you were a master pianist playing a brilliant concerto. Her body was the only instrument you longed to play; her moans the only melody that you longed to draw from her.

As her lips glided across your own, everything came together like pieces into place. You thought back one of those late nights in the kitchen. The way Delia’s fingers had so enthusiastically laced through yours during the late night in the kitchen when you had both stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking about life. How the witch had turned the radio on and taken your hand while you danced to some song by REO Speedwagon. Twirling you through the night. “Can’t fight this feeling” was the song. Ironic, now that you thought about it. It seemed as though fighting her feelings was what she had been doing the entire time.

She twirled you around in the light of the dim television and the refrigerator when the songs were upbeat, even going as far as dipping you and pulling you up again. Bare thighs against your own in her shorts and oversized shirt. When the songs that were played were slower, she was more gentle. Until eventually you swayed in a slow two-step, your head against her chest, and hers against yours. The air was thick with something pure. Something untouched. 

You had no idea why you ever just thought this was something two best friends did. More so, you had no idea why you didn’t lean back and dip into her lips and allow your souls to dance the waltz that they were so clearly destined for. 

Cordelia’s thumb and finger lay on either side of your jaw as she continued to kiss you as if her soul depended on it. Her fingers interlocked with yours against the table.

She broke away, tears had fallen down her cheeks and made your heart melt. “Oh-ho,” you chuckled, mouth agape at her sight. “Why the tears, my love?”

Cordelia laughed, wiping away her tears. “I’ve longed to do that for so long,” she replied. “So, so long.”

You chuckled at her sweetness and the display of pure love that you were so unaccustomed to.

“I fell in love with you, Y/N. I don’t think I will ever stop falling in love with you. You’ve created this storm of beautiful chaos in me,” she continued. “Do you remember that night where I was really sleepy, so you let me just stay in your room? How I had fallen asleep on top of you by accident and you wrapped your arms around me and hummed a lullaby?”

You nodded, remember the feeling of waking up with the Supreme in your arms.

“I was wide awake,” she told you. A delicate smile arose.

You chuckled into her touch.

“Oh, sweetheart,” you replied, drawing her closer, her blonde hair twirled in your fingers. “I know you were.”

[antiloreolympus]

9 Anti LO Asks

1. LO Apollo being a villain/Antagonist could be interesting if he wasn't so irredeemable and irritating. I mean, think about it. Apollo hates Persephone (for whatever reason. Maybe cause she's friends with Eros and Apollo and Eros have an ongoing rivalry), and maybe Persephone even hates him back (say because he's stuck up). But they're both friends with Hermes and Artemis. Now we've got a hilarious, slightly tense, "glare at each other across the couch" situation where Apollo and Persephone have to pretend not to hate each other for the sake of their friends.

Artemis is all like "I'm so glad my two favorite people are getting along!" and then it cuts to Persephone sharpening a knife while Apollo grips a pen so hard it snaps. And they're both like "Yeah. We love each other soooooo much...."

Bonus points if Hermes knows they hate each other, but just kinda wants to see how far they'll take it!

Anyways, all I'm saying is that I like the idea of an antagonistic Apollo. It could've been good! She could have used Persephone and Apollo's shared relationships to her advantage for comedic affect! Plus we could've had a whole arc about them learning to be like each other and thus strengthening Persephone's relationships outside of Hades. But RS is too incompetent to write anything good adjacent.  

2. This was like, ages ago but I cannot get over the fact that RS named random characters stuff like “Brenda” “Jill” and “Hank” like? Hello?? She could very easily just search “Greek names” (even “Ancient Greek names” if she wanted) and pick stuff she liked from there, and if she still wanted to keep the more “Americanized” names she could do names like Sophia, Helen, Nicholas, or even Jimmy (which is just an Americanized Dimitri, if I remember correctly?). Like,,, it’s so easy to use google instead of calling a Greek nymph “”Brenda”” 😐

Note: I am not a native Greek but I do have the classic “Greek-name-opoulos” surname so while I definitely do not have as much say as native Greeks I at least know a *little* bit about Greek names and the way RS names minor non-God characters is.... interesting.

3. Why is Hades’ face shaded like that? Is he about to get fetishized for being gay or smth?

4. Regarding the Americanisation of LO’s Greece: It would be one thing if the Greek pantheon in LO were the only pantheon in their universe. That way, RS could write off the Americanised lifestyle and names in LO as some weird shoehorning of diversity (the Hades games creators did a much better job by making the gods different races and justifying it by saying the gods may be Greek gods but they rule over all of humanity and therefore should be treated as representative of human diversity).

However, RS has established very early on that there are multiple pantheons in the universe of LO (remember how Perse at one point contemplated running away to join the Norse pantheon?) thus making it Impossible for her to justify the Greek gods being so Anglicised since they only rule over Greece in LO…

5. What I don't get it anti-nymph racism (and yes it's racism, Rachel said they're a different race) is so heavy and common place in the series that it's like ... what about Amphitrite? She's a nymph! Is the deal with her that she's well bred/one of the good ones" because if so 🤢🤮

6. Getting caught up on LO and Pfft Polymnia everything shes saying is supposed to be "character assassination" and slander / defamation of character of Persephone according to the title and yet....

Everything shes saying is true... Also "the accused hid like a coward" cuts to Persephone looking comfy just hanging out in Hades arms in ya know, the King of the Underworlds house??! After commiting a second murder / mutilation?

7. Rachel you coward give women big noses too

8. im sorry, i don care how much you might love lo, but yall cannot look me in the eye and tell me hades being wider than spiderverse kingpin is somehow a good look. how does he even walk without falling over.

9. I hate how the plot steam rolled over so much of their actually interesting plots. Hera just got reunited with Hephaestus, let’s see that relationship fester after she just started having nightmares. Artemis and Apollo were looking for each other because she almost put two and two together. Who texted echo to say “hey your roommate is a tree now”. Do any of the gods know Daphne is missing OR Minthe? Do gods actually care when something happens to a non god? (Probs not Hera turned someone into a goat) Eros and psyche??? What’s happening? Idc about the trial plot since persphone isn’t going to get punished

[kill-the-rockstar]

Kill The Rockstar Reacts To Music: Greatest Hits by Waterparks

I wished I'd done this for Fandom, so here you go, no spell check, completely just my stream of consciousness... enjoy?

1 Greatest Hits - sounds kinda like a vocal warm up. oh shit. Yay more robot lady! Although sounds like a different robot lady... Poor tantrum lady - okay im getting sidetracked

2 Fuzzy - ... Interesting vocalisation :), auditory processing says what, oh that sounds gooodddd, God this will be good live

3 Lowkey As Hell - heard it before but like, I guess it's an interesting contrast to fuzzy (might change my mind when I actually know what any of the words in Fuzzy were) but like, before I thought of Lowkey as one of the more upbeat songs but it's a lot more down than fuzzy sounds... Idk it's 1am

4 Numb - Bop. I have green hair though so of course I like it :) but will Arthur stop making fun of me for calling it 'the fuck word'? No. No I doubt it.

5 Violet! - okay yeah big headphones show off that transition well. It's a bop but I'm a wee bit concerned, it'll go off live though I can see it, although given it seems to be about stalking is that good??? I mean I've sung songs about murder at concerts before I can't talk

6 Snow Globe - funky. I always half expect the Greek Tragedy remix to play after the cascading piano but I think that's just a me thing. I wanna sing it at [the basement music venue in my town] Moles

7 Just Kidding - Not massively my vibe but it did get stuck in my head earlier, oh shit there's some cool production shit I'm getting with my big headphones on!

8 The Secret Life of Me - ooh hoo cool transition, what I'm making out of the lyrics feels like my train of thoughts when I'm not thinking about keeping it under control, 'I'd find my evil twin and make friends with it' same. And I too feel like I'm running out of time. It's like... Traveling forwards real fast

9 American Grafiti - THE OPENING REMINDS ME OF A SONG BUT IDK WHAT, yeah sounds cool

10 You'd Be Paranoid Too - vibes, I love it, and I also think everyone I know secretly hates me so... relatable.

11 Fruit Roll-Ups - oooh transition, slowdanc-y, yes gel-pens are cool, idk if it's about a crush or like, fandom analogy but I'm liking it, good vibes. Also based on lyrics this would be called 'little Bitch' so I... I can see why they didn't go for that

12 LIKE IT - OH JAMES WILSON TAYLOR FOR ROCKSOUND, I... Okay it sounds.. good. Yep. Bubbles? Lazers?

13 Gladiator - it sounds good and I can see what he's saying. Plus it getting drowned out by the funky pop beat is... Good for analysing. But not when it's 1:20am

14 Magnetic - look I thought 🧲❄️ meant Magnetized (like Magnet-Iced) but I guess I wasn't too far off, oooh beat drop, 'I see his fucking face but he's not me' oh shit, I like lyric analysis, like analysis lyrics like they're poems in English lit, and I feel like this has possibilities

15 Crying Over It All - 'want the things I want without it fading' is.. Yeah. I wish I could finish one of the hundred things I've started. Cherry red reference? It's good but it's not happy but it's... It's good I like it but I might cry fuck. Apt name. 'I want what you deserve, and to unlearn my hurt' god Same. Same. Oh birds?

16 Ice Bath - underwater vibe for sure. OH IT'S A Reprise-Y BIT, oh Corpse vibes okay, like, walking sound, fast walking, walking with purpose

17 See You In The Future - I have no idea what's happening. I caught 'one direction' I think? Oooh it's building??? Yeah that's fast I need to read that. Fuck Elon Musk. Oh God I hope that was a sound in the song and not actually behind me. Like, I actually turned around but I think it was in my headphones. Okay. Okay cool. YES BEAT DROP FINALLY.

I don't like the silence now it's done.

[gabrielitas]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[thecozywhaleshark]

MASTERPOST

BTS

(f = fluff, a = angst, m = mature/smut) (dc = drabble challenge)

Kim Namjoon

Helicopter Seeds  (f)

Starlight (f)

God of Destruction, Queen of the Klutz (f)

Soaked (f)

Bones (f)

It’s Raining on the Inside (f)

That 70′s Dress: Part 1 (f)

Jokes (dc1) (f)

The Passport Pouch (f)

Accident-Prone (dc2) (f)

Sprinkling Tac-Tics (dc2) (f)

2AM (dc2) (m)

Aliens (dc2) (f)

Pretty in Plum (m)

You’re Mine, I’m Yours (m)

Mud Run (dc3) (f) 

Pretty Brown Eyes (f)

Flushed (m)

The Language of Flowers (f)

Chapter 1: Begonias 

Kim Seokjin

What You Want, Baby I’ve Got It (f)

Croissants (f)

Breakfast of Champions (f)

Want More (f)

Cravings (m)

King of Hearts: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 (m/a/f)

Safety First (dc1) (f)

Tell Me You Need Me (dc1) (a)

Countertops (m) 

Paper Clothes (dc2) (f)

Cling to Me (dc2) (f)

More Than You Know (dc3) (f/a)

Feel Better Food (f/a)

Date and Nut (f)

Min Yoongi

“I like it here” (f)

Making It Better (f)

1,000 (f)

Middle C (pt.1) (f)

Heart and Soul (pt. 2) (f)

“And...Now” (pt. 3) (f)

The Wife Who Cried Wolf (f)

Murder in a Cup (dc1) (f)

BS (dc1) (f)

Cold Hands (f)

Hotline Ring: teaser Part 1 (m)

Min Yoongi and the Curse of Merlin (f)

Chapter 1: My Great Something Ancestor Ruins A Perfectly Good Nights Sleep 

Chapter 2: Journey to the Center of the Earth, but Worse 

A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (f/m)

Jung Hoseok

Just Dance (f)

Tiptoes (f)

Fireflies (f)

Walking on Sunshine (f)

On/Off (f)

Sunflowers (f)

The Sick Sleep (dc2) (f)

54 (m)

You’ve Got Me (a/f)

Kim Taehyung

Morning Mess (f)

Something Stupid (f)

Weighted Blanket (f)

T-Shirt (f)

Duck Duck Gray Duck (f)

Message On A Bottle (f) 

Chores (dc1) (f)

Blood Bagel (dc1) (f)

Kim Taehyung as a Dad (f)

One Night to Forever (dc2) (f/m)

Jack of All Trades: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (a/f/m)

The Floor is Lava (dc3) (f)

Cuddle Bug (f)

Red Silk (m/f)

Pen Pals (f)

Stuck Like Glue (f)

Letters (a)

Hoops (f)

Park Jimin

Adults (f)

Chim Chim Chimmy (Halloween au) (f)

Mine (m)

Melting Point (f)

Weekend Thunderstorms (f)

So You Had A Bad Day... (f)

One of Each (dc1) (f)

6AM (dc1) (f)

Self-Control (f)

Breakfast To Go (f)

Shampoo & Conditioner (f)

Sinners Row (f)

Rhinestones (m)

Suit of Diamonds: Part 1 (m/a/f)

Hedgehogs and Mittens (halloween dc) (f)

Jeon Jungkook

Swings (f)

A love like... (f)

Milkshakes First Thing (f)

Dork (f)

Spoodermoon (f)

Climb or Coward (f)

Pigtails (dc2) (f)

Goat (dc2) (f)

Camp Councilor Kook (f)

Something Old (Part 1) (f)

Nailed It (f)

My Dude (f)

Noodle Loodle (f)

OT7

BTS as:

 Tastes  Scents  Sounds  Textures  Sights (f)

 Some of My Favorite Books (f)

 Favorite Movies  (f)

 Hans Christian Andersen Fairy Tales (f)

 Dragon Riders (f)

 Disney Fairies (f)

Pocket BTS (f)

Pocket BTS - Beach Day (f)

Pocket BTS - Camping/Road Trip (f)

Pocket BTS - Mom has a Date (f)

Pocket BTS - Origin Stories (f)

Pocket BTS - Reversed Roles (f)

Pocket BTS - Being Bad (f)

Pocket BTS - You Have A Bad Day (f)

Pocket BTS - LOST (f)

Pocket BTS - Cool Down (f)

Pocket BTS - Games (f)

Pocket BTS - Fall (f)

Pocket BTS - Back to School (f)

Pocket BTS - Harnessed (f)

Pocket BTS - Job Hunt (f)

Pocket BTS - Happy Holidays (f)

Pocket BTS - Valentine’s Day (f) 

Pocket BTS - Quarantine (f)

Pocket BTS - Birthday Boys (f)

Pocket BTS - Easter (f)

Giant BTS (f)

Spending the Night for the First Time (f)

Neck Kisses (f/m)

8 Gifts with BTS (Happy Hanukkah) (f)

Their S/O is Short (f)

Your Parents Yell At You (a/f)

First Kisses (f)

Fake Eyelashes (f)

Escort Series (m/a/f) 

Kim Seokjin - King of Hearts (9/10): Start

Kim Taehyung - Jack of All Trades (4/10): Start

Park Jimin - Suit of Diamonds (1/10): Start

~

MONSTA X

Son Hyunwoo (Shownu)

White Lace (virginity au) (m)

Paint by Numbers (m)

Fanfiction (m)

At What Cost (a/f)

Shin Hoseok (Wonho)

Want (virginity au) (m)

Pretty Little Lies (m)

Past Hurts (m)

Hugs and Kisses (a/f)

Yoo Kihyun

Art (virginity au) (m)

JENGA (dc3) (f)

Candle Sticks (dc3) (f)

Finders Keepers (m/f)

Stuck On You (f)

Lee Minhyuk

Everything (virginity au) (m)

Magical (dc2) (f)

Curly Q (f)

Chae Hyungwon

Pride Goeth Before A Fall (f)

Lee Jooheon

My Girl (virginity au) (m)

Public Indecency (m)

Dating Jooheon (f)

Hold My Hand (a/f)

In the Middle of the Night... (a/f)

Im Changkyun

By The Stroke of Midnight (f)

Anti-Itch (dc1) (f)

IKEA (dc1) (f)

Beautiful Things (f)

Asshole (dc2) (f)

Daggers and Roses (m/f)

OT7

Pocket Monsta X (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Beach Day (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Camping/Road Trip (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Mom has a Date (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Origin Stories (f)

Pocket Monsta X - You Have a Bad Day (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Being Bad (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Cool Down (f)

Pocket Monsta X - LOST (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Fall (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Back to School (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Home Alone (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Harnessed (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Happy Holidays (f)

Pocket Monsta X - Quarantine (f)

Neck Kisses (m/f)

You are Full of Rage (a/f/m)

~

GOT7

Im Jaebeom

Butterflies (f)

Breath Notes (f)

Tiny (f)

Baebeom (f)

Cat-Mas Tree (f)

Mark Tuan

62 Crab Rangoon’s (f)

Thumbelina (f)

Don’t Let Go (a/f)

Taste Testers (f)

Jackson Wang

Always the Left Shoe (f)

All That You Are (a/f)

Emotional Support Dumbass (f)

Shake It Off (f)

Privileges (f)

Park Jinyoung

Twas the Night Before Christmas (f)

Choi Youngjae

BamBam

Black Velvet (f)

Like, Ew (f)

A Little Birdie Told Me... (f)

Sucks to Suck, Buttercup (f) 

Things that go Bump in the Dark (f)

Kim Yugyeom

OT7

Pocket GOT7 (f)

Pocket GOT7 - Quarantine (f)

~

NCT 127

Johnny Suh

Coins Only (f)

~

GAMES

Pocket Pick N’ Mix

Kihyun (MX) + Jinyoung (got7): In a garden

Hyungwon (MX) + JB (got7): As Siblings

Jungkook (BTS) + Yugyeom (got7): Nap Time

Jin (BTS) + Bambam (got7): Ice Skating

Namjoon (BTS) + Jackson (got7): Picture with Santa

Jimin (BTS) + Youngjae (got7): Sugar High

Kihyun (MX) + Jungkook (BTS): Shopping Trip

~~

{DISCLAIMER: This is all purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only}

~~

Networks:

KSmutClub

HEARTSFORBTS

[dreamsafterhours]

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: III (mark’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: mark+my/n (fem), donghyuk+dy/n (fem), platonic!mark+dy/n, platonic!donghyuk+my/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college bf warning: some swearing

masterlist

or click here to meet your soulmate, paediatrics!donghyuk!

II ��� | III | ⇥ IV

III: 별빛이 내린다 샤라랄라랄라라 (2+2=4)

the meeting of two souls: mark & my/n

hi hello good day how are you? i hope you're well today/tonight this is like 3 weeks late isn't it :D pls don't come after me i lost some motivation to write for a while but here i am now so let's get to it!!

aight so you met donghyuk's roommate for the first time yesterday and,,

you honestly had NO IDEA someone could be that cute

highkey regretting not asking for his name but you were so caught up in lingering on the fact that he implied you were pretty , like wHO DOES THAT ASDFKJL

you highkey shouted the verbal equivalent of a keyboard smash with ur roommate and she was all !! oh so this guy cute cute

you were contemplating whether or not to sneakily ask donghyuk for his name but you were worried bc hyuk has,, crazy sense when it comes to reading people and seeing through their words

and honestly you didn’t want to have to deal with hyuk potentially teasing the shit out of u for having a maybe crush on his roommate whom u’d just met

so you just beat your pillow sleep on it after your roommate reminds you it’s getting late and no life decisions should be made after 12am!! live by it

you wake up craving jjajangmyeon but alas if you were to get any satisfaction of that kind of hunger, it was going to have to wait because

~~ we love ~~ packed schedules ~~ in this house ~~

i hopes the sarcasm was noted in that previous sentence bc now u wish for life to cease

4 weeks into the semester and you were drowning in the midst of reports and lab pracs and content and revision

you were ready to ascend to the next life with only regret and an ability to vaguely explain the properties of a prokaryotic cell and endosymbiosis

but honestly donghyuk’s been a big help throughout the past month

your only friend in classes

official study buddy

2am revision session consultant

personal older brother bc he claimed you as his adoptive sister

another reason your roommate told you to go to bed was bc you literally have

a tutorial class + 2 consecutive 1.5 hour lectures + a 3 hour lab class to finish your day off

with no break for lunch in between :’((

looks like you’ll be starving through your library study session with dy/n

but oop

you find that dy/n had stayed up long after you’d fallen asleep writing her essay 

leaving your dorm feeling a twinge of guilt that u might have distracted her from focusing on her work to listen to your rambles and kept her up later than she should have been

but a text from her in the afternoon reassures u that honestly she wasn’t even planning to write that essay and The Feels™ had just hit her last night and that she made it to class

you: oh PHEW that’s good

you: sorry i didn’t wake you up on my way out, u looked so peaceful i couldn’t bear to disturb

dy/n 🦁: dw dw it’s all g i made it n e way

dy/n 🦁: also is it cool if my friend and his friend comes to the study sesh as well we have to go through some lecture content

you: ah yes don’t see why not :)) i’ll probs have my earphones in the entire time anyways lmao won’t affect me

but will it

“who u texting in the middle of diffusion” cue hyuk peering over at the phone you’re hiding in your lap

you click your tongue at him and lock your phone, “someone twice the man you’ll ever be”

he gasps in mock horror like he’d just witnessed a murder as quietly as he can ,,

“you’re texting a guy? in the middle of diffusion?”

“no. my roommate lmao”

“and what? is it me or your roomma—”

“—my roommate” you glance back up at the prof without looking at him

“ouch”

“you dare?”

“if i don’t dare, who will”

and due to this exchange, you miss the osmosis slide

“ah shit what was osmosis again”

“lmfao what makes u think i know that”

(pause)

“isn't it just.. net movement of free water molecules from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration”

sorry my bio neural pathways are being excited again after being revisited for the first time in two years

/stares at him/ “why was that infuriating to hear from u”

after class you prepare to head to your dreaded 3-hour lab class you have with donghyuk but he stands up and stares into the void blankly

“where am i going”

“where do u think”

“oh, hell, most likely”

you scoff at the accuracy and drag him out of the lecture hall

you look at donghyuk and he’s visibly resisting the urge to poke your cheek when he first puts on his gloves

“what’s with you today”

he stares at his hands forlornly, “idk ask that to my timetable”

“week 4 got u dead huh”

he glances at you with a frown, “don’t act like u’re not dying too”

“damn. touché”

to your dismay, the lab class runs later than scheduled and you get out of it 20 minutes after it was meant to finish but luckily it’s your last class

with a quick goodbye to donghyuk and a text letting dy/n know you were going to be a lil late, u stop by ur dorm to pick up ur textbook before rushing to the library

you were highkey exhausted and just. famished by that point

but a promise is a promise and you weren’t going to back out of one now

especially when you felt like you owed your roommate one and it was you who originally suggested a library session

so you get to the library, bag strap slung over your shoulder, checking the photo of the seats dy/n had saved for you in the library

highkey getting lost once or twice but you manage

you get to the general area and spot dy/n sitting at a four-seater (wow how’d they get that) but you

freeze when you see who’s sitting next to her

it’s ??

????????

????????????????

/error 404/

????????????????

????????

ur heart goes into panic mode bc

it’s not even kidding it’s donghyuk’s roommate

and despite ur brain short-circuiting

you manage to remember that dy/n had said that mentioned her friend’s.. roommate.. also coming along..

and if her friend was donghyuk’s.. roommate..

you: :                             )

you: oh my god they were roommates

and speak of the devil

“oh hey fancy seeing u here”

you turn around and it’s donghyuk legit chills right there

you barely reply a “hi”

“i thought u were going to ur dorm for dinner”

“ah yeah—no i’m.. gonna go over some.. diffusion”

“oii! over here dude” his roommate whisper-yells out at donghyuk

dy/n waves at you “heYY my/n”

donghyuk waves and turns back to you “welp i’m gonna join a study group.. you could join if you came alone? i’m sure they won’t mind”

“about that”

“u waiting for someone?”

“i’m going over there too”

“what?”

he glances over at the table and then back to you

“that’s my roommate. right there next to your roommate”

you point her out and then donghyuk’s jaw drops

“what the fUC—” and you both. burst iinto laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation

like ?? how???

“wOW r u KIDDING”

“HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN”

“talk about a coincidence.. oh my god my cheekbones hurt” he says as he clutches his side

so you get to the table and dy/n tries to introduce u to donghyuk’s roommate

“mark, this is my/n, my/n this is mark”

ah yes so mark is his name, you think

cute name for a cute boi

“nice to meet you again, mark”

dy/n: “?? again?”

mark gives u a rlly wide smile “yeah we’ve met. hi my/n”

you swear you’ve never had your heart flutter like this

fdksoafjadgioarigilf

then mark introduces dy/n to donghyuk and they start talking about how they’re your legal guardian and telling the other to “get in line”

leaving you in middle like “ok mum and dad” but also thinking back to when donghyuk was highkey flirting with you,, and now how he’s flirting with dy/n ,, oh dude he’s flirting

and highkey ,,, you don’t have any hard feelings about it ,, you know she’s also got this kind of humour code and she’s far more comfortable with meeting new people

until dy/n jokes about custody rules and donghyuk replies with “who says we’re split”

ok mum and dad

n e ways you came to study and study you will

so you settle down and go through your notes for the day

albeit being a lil distracted by mark who sits right across from you somehow, somewhy,,

somewhy should be a word you can’t tell me how to english

you keep wanting to steal glances at him but you have to physically restrain yourself from doing so

and also donghyuk who keeps poking u under the table and texting u even though he’s right next to you

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

you: wHAT

💩hyuk: nvm lol

you: im boutta slap u. give me my pen back i saw that

💩hyuk: damn

💩hyuk: also r u hungry

you: terribly

you: why

💩hyuk: does ur roommate have any allergies

you: not that i know of

you: again

you: why

you: u buyin?

💩hyuk: 🤡<- you

💩hyuk: 🤡, how do you feel about dinner

you: invalid question. no variable answer

💩hyuk: alright, 🤡. im not buying for u

you glower at him but he isn’t looking at u,, he leans back and laments about how he’s craving chinese food

did he read your damn mind how did he know

and apparently he’s read dy/n’s mind too at how she jumps up at the mention of chinese and agrees profusely

so you find yourself abandoning your studies for the rest of the night and in a restaurant lmfao

“chill,, guys,,, jjajang is fine”

rock paper scissors for the cheque ends in mark’s tears

“no it’s ok. i’m ok it’s our first meeting as a fateful group and it makes sense! for me to pay”

after you satisfy your cravings the boys walk dy/n and you back to your dorm

mark tells dy/n to give him her bag for him to carry and while she practically gives it up to him, he has to insist that he’ll carry yours too

to which you’re like omg no it’s fine i can carry it it’s not that heavy i swear—

until donghyuk takes ur bag off ur shoulder and passes it to mark

because of the narrow path, you’re forced to walk in pairs and you end up walking next to donghyuk who makes happy sounds about how good that food was and how priceless mark’s face was when he lost rock paper scissors

then dy/n takes the initiative to make a group chat for you four,, asking for donghyuk’s number to add

you give her a look like damn gurl but you have no idea if she saw or if she just ignored you on purpose lmfao

also donghyuk looked way too happy afterwards

either way you slapped her when you got back to the dorm like “SINCE WHEN WERE YOU SO ?? BRAVE?”

dy/n: um

dy/n: honey

dy/n: have you met me

and thus the chaos of a group chat was born and just like a real child, you spent hours on it

dy/n 🦁: ok we inside

you: thanks for dinner again mark!

💩hyuk: he says you’re welcome

💩hyuk: i say we “accidentally” lose our purses next time we go out

you: nah you’re paying next

💩hyuk: y

💩hyuk: y, 🤡

dy/n 🦁: yes y, 🤡

dy/n 🦁: HAHAH WHY IS SHE 🤡

💩hyuk: i thought you of all people would know

dy/n 🦁: why is she just as dumb in class as she is in the dorm?

💩hyuk: i knew it

dy/n 🦁: she poured too much hot water into her tea the other day it overflowed and spilt onto her foot

mark: oh no were u okay

💩hyuk: looks like you’re gonna have to study osomsis

💩hyuk: osmoiss

💩hyuk: fuck

you: yes i’m okay it wasn’t that hot i had socks on too

💩hyuk: osmosis

dy/n 🦁: avoided tragedy luckily

💩hyuk: finally

you: there is a reason you’re saved as 💩hyuk on my phone

dy/n 🦁: HAAHAHAHAHHAHAH

seriously you just don’t know just how much this group was going to mean to you yet

click here to meet your soulmate, paediatrics!donghyuk!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

shoot me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[bleepblopbloop56]

The Murder in the Dressing Room

Chapter 4: Puzzle Peices

Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, ao3

Warnings; blood, death, language, bit of crying, nothing too bad yet

As ALWAYS with this fic the wonderdul lovley beautiful person @pathos-logical did all the editing and 90% of the work. Go love her

((HI I FORGOT TO POST THIS YESTERDAY SO ITS ONE DAY LATE AND IM S O R R Y ))

One more thing before we get started, butnif yall ever wanna come into my askbox and just yell at me about this im so fuckin down for that! Or DM me and yell? Oh it gives me life.

((Reblogs with comments are very very VERY appreciated by the way))

-----

Officers swarmed the apartment just as they had swarmed the theater only days before. Roman was now being shoved into the spotlight by the press, and worse, being deemed suspect number one by every detective on the case. Well… almost every detective. 

"Victim showed obvious signs of a struggle," Remy started, and Logan thought back to the bruise on Roman's stomach, the one his fingertips had grazed over not long ago. He should say something. He didn't. "'Valuable' belongings, if you could call them that, are all in place, and his wallet still has cash, plus one expired credit card. It doesn't look like a robbery," Remy drawled on, circling the body like he belonged with the vultures lining up outside. "And based on… this-" he leaned down and lifted the mask off Remus, exposing his features- "it looks like you were right about our murderer." 

Not only was Remus's corpse adorned with a gold theater mask like the one that Thomas had been left with, it seemed a Joker-esque frown had been carved into Remus' mouth

"It doesn't make sense. I mean, an upper class actor from the nice part of town, and an unemployed man from the bad… What's the relation?" Logan voiced his thoughts, trying to push down the sick feeling that arose upon seeing a photo of Remus and Roman as children covered in the splattered blood. 

"Logan, you know the the relation…" Remus said quietly, eyes softening even as his voice hardened. "You really think it's a random coincidence that Roman moved to town and then both of his roommates were found dead by Roman?” His tone was harsh, but Logan could hear the underlying message. You’re not stupid, Logan, don't do this. Logan shook his head and stepped out into the hallway.

"Roman was with me all night," he admitted. "He has an alibi."

"Unless he fucking killed this guy and then went out and got you tipsy," Remy argued, but his eyes looked more pleading than accusatory. Logan's stomach twisted, and it took effort not to visibly wince. 

"You didn't see him when he found Remus," Logan said flatly. He had heard the scream all the way from the car. When he ran in, Roman had backed himself into a wall, screaming and crying harder than Logan had ever seen anyone cry. Breathing exercises could only go so far when you were five feet away from a dead body…

Logan had been forced to cover Roman's eyes and drag him out of the place to get him to calm down, and even then he'd shaken like a leaf until the ambulance showed up and he'd been treated for shock. 

"Logan I think you're too close to the case." Remy gently placed a hand on Logan's shoulder, but Logan jerked it away.

"How do you know Roman is a suspect and not a victim?" he snapped. "What evidence do you have that says he murdered these people? People he loved and was close to? Why would he wear Remus' clothing because it was too emotionally taxing to move his clothes out of Thomas' house? Why would he leave the bodies and evidence out lying around instead of disposing of them? This is a direct attack towards him, not by him, Remy." Logan was distantly aware his ranting was earning him more than a few confused stares by some of the other officers, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Someone is out there killing people, and you're accusing an innocent victim based on one piece of evidence." Logan walked out of the building, leaving Remy alone at the scene before he could point out that that one piece was all they had.

_____

"Alright, first of all!" Remy slammed open the door of Logan's office, where Logan had been poring over case files for the past hour. "You don't just do that, okay? You don't just fuckin leave a scene like that and make me hitch a fuckin UBER back, okay? Do you know how sketchy that sounded?" Remy slammed his coffee down and threw off his satchel. "Hey bitch, come pick me up at this crime scene swarming with investigators, sorry my partner dumped my ass and took the car!" He demonstrated talking to the driver over his phone before dropping his hands and staring at Logan with his patented "are you fucking kidding me" face. 

"I apologize, Remington," Logan said tiredly. He set down his pen to give the appearance of giving Remy his full attention, but his mind was a hundred miles away.

"Don't fucking 'Remington' me!" was what Logan got for his efforts. He might have been Logan's inferior, but he sure as hell didn't act like it. "Listen, I get it. You're in love with your ex, who could be a murderer for all we know, and you're super pissed at me for telling you you're being unprofessional for the first time in your life. But that doesn't excuse any of this shit, alright?" Dropping all pretense, Logan dropped his head onto the desk, ready for Remy to shut the fuck up and get out of his office. 

"People. Are. Fucking. Dying. Logan," he growled, voice getting louder with each word. "So how bout you get off your ass and get your shit together!"

There was a beat of silence.

"Okay that's it, I'm done, end of rant." Remy dropped into the chair, going from furious to calm so suddenly it felt like he'd flipped a switch 

"Are you finished?" Logan deadpanned, rubbing his temple. Remy sucked on his straw, nodding silently and kicking his legs up in Logan's desk. Logan took a deep breath, straightening up and picking up his pen again.  "Good. Now can we get to work?" 

______

When Logan picked up Patton from daycare, it took everything in his power not to start sobbing. His baby was here, safe in his arms and alive. His profession wasn't one that exactly supported having kids, and it definitely wasn't one that made it easy to drop off his kid to a stranger and say "here, watch this while I'm gone."

Patton, for his part, didn't notice anything was wrong at first and just enjoyed the extra snuggle time with his dad. Instead of laying Patton down in the baby bed like he usually did for nap time at home, Logan had set him down in his own bed next to him, just wanting to hold Patton as close as possible. 

"Dada?" Patton didn't know many words, but he knew that one well, and it was Logan's favorite. Despite everything, he smiled on reflex, but his expression turned to one of alarm when Patton's bottom lip started to quiver. Patton pressed his little hands into Logan's cheeks, and with a start, Logan realized he'd been crying.

"No- I'm alright, Patton, Dada's alright, please don't cry," he shushed. He sat up slightly and bouncing Patton on his lap in an attempt to calm him down. When Patton's face began to screw up, he said again, slightly more desperately, "Shhh, look, Dada's fine-" But Patton wasn't stupid. He began to wail loudly, upset not only that he missing nap time but that his dad was crying. 

"Is everything okay in here?" Virgil asked, poking his head into the bedroom at the commotion. He was met with the sight of a bawling Patton and a completely overwhelmed Logan looking like he was heading the same way. Virgil wasted no time in walking in and taking Patton from Logan.

"You need a break, man," Virgil said over the crying. His eyes lit up as he was struck by an idea. "Hey, why don't you call your brother? Patton loves that doctor dude."

Logan shoved his head in his hands, trying to keep his breathing even. For a second he wanted to insist he was fine, he could handle this- but then he flinched when Patton's cries got even louder, and he could only sigh and nod. 

Doctor Emile Picani had always loved children. He’d always wanted kids of his own, but the one man he loved more than anything had passed away right after their second anniversary. Emile still wore his ring. So when his phone rang and he was met with his brother practically begging him to take Patton for a few days, he was more than happy to oblige. He was at the house the very next day to take Patton away for him.

"Thank you so much for doing this," Logan sighed, handing over the baby to Emile. Patton bounced and smiled at him, happily wrapping his arms around him the best he could. The night before, Logan had sat down Patton and explained he'd be going to have a playdate with Uncle Emile for a few days. He wasn't entirely certain Patton had understood any of it, but he looked happy enough in his uncle's arms.

Logan gave Patton a small kiss on the forehead before Emile left, straightening out his bright yellow sunflower dress in Emile's hands. (Patton had picked it out himself in the store, and who was Logan to say no to him?)

"Bye bye!" Patton waved enthusiastically, smiling at Logan as he got strapped into his carseat. 

"I love you, Patton," he smiled back, trying to pull up genuine cheer for him. He knew that sending Patton away for a day or two would be good for Logan, would let him grieve and mourn in private, but god was it hard sending his baby away. 

Virgil was waiting for him when he dragged himself away from the car and back into the apartment. 

"How ya holdin' up?" he asked gently, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Logan collapsed forward into his shoulder, despite the considerable height difference. It was sloppy and unprofessional, but it was also long overdue.

"Hey, hey, hey- dude, it's okay," Virgil tried, running a hand through Logan's hair. Logan's glasses were stabbing at Virgil's shoulder through his pajama shirt, and Logan had to be uncomfortable too. But Virgil wasn't going to mention that now. He just stayed standing as his friend heaved and sobbed, clutching at his shirt and desperately looking for comfort.

It was in moments like these that Virgil remembered Logan really was still just a kid. He might be a detective and act all mature and have a kid, but he was still just twenty-seven. He didn't really have his life together yet- because who the hell did in their twenties? And he had just lost his best friend, and now was the first time he'd let himself honestly cry. 

"Logan, it's okay," Virgil tried again when Logan's sobs had quieted to sniffles. But he only got a soft "Is it?" in return. 

----

The murder in the dressing room taglist:

@cataclysm-al @theteenagetrickster @intrurality-fusion @katie-the-noble-fangirl @whizzie72 @grayson-22 @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @winterwonderland7669 @missieluvsmurder @sign-from-god-complex @dragonindigo245 @angryfanboyscreaming @ninja-wizard101 @sombraookami @crystalistrappedintheinternet @imtooaromanticforthis @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @dragon-hair @satanblessi @spookilyfingergunsoutofexistence @skruffy901 @selectivereality @nonbeenary-enbee @imbasicallyshakespear @cats-vetal-miking-vomit @incoherentfangirl @oofmood

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 2

Person 1: But air doesn’t splash Person 2: How do we know that, Im splashing the air right now.

Person: Prove me wrong. Prove fish can’t see air.

Person: I think you underestimate just how poor I am.

Person: I just invented a new thing. No Romo. Like no homo but with romance cause I’m lonely. Get it?

Person: So yah I burned my hair cooking ramen.

Person: Well I figured he wasn’t an adopted iguana.

Person: Say it. You know god is watching.

Person 1 upon heading the news of George Bush’s death: Wait he’s still alive? Person 2: No he’s dead that’s the point.

Person: I got it. *five second pause* no I don’t got it.

Person 1: My name is (name), but you can call me yours. Person 2: Okay nice to meet you yours.

Person: Don’t drink it all fool.

Person: Bruh you could literally turn in a gay fanfic and he’d give it an A.

Person: Bruh, what is this triangular accusation?

Person 1:It’s call physics. Person 2: Yah but I don’t take Physics hence they should not apply to me.

Person 1: Discreet. Person 2: No discr-yeet *dabs*

Person 1: Be impressed with my ability to bull shit. Person 2: I mean, it’s gotten you this far.

Person: Why do I feel like finals are lowkey Russian roulette? Like okay I made it through most of them but I still have a few pulls of the trigger to go and one of them might get me.

Person 1: Murder. Just do it. Person 2: I didn’t know that nike was sponsoring murder.

Person: How do mermaids reproduce if they’re just like conjoined legs?

Person 1: Frozen Yogurt Person 2: Fro yo Person 1: Frozen YOgUrt Person 2: Fro Yo Person 1: FROZEN YOGURT

Person: All I have to do to commit suicide is jump from my parents expectations to my grades.

Person 1: I mean yah I cheated on that test. Person 2: Man your love life it DOOMED!

Person: I was seeing if I was tripophobic by repeatedly stabbing my finger with my pen.

Person: You do know that crickets exist during the day right?

Person 1: Hey (person 2), we’re friends right? Person 2: ….. What do you want. Person 1: You know, that sandwich looks real good. *person 2 hand them the sandwich* OMIGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU!

Person: Omigod (person’s name) is going through puberty!

Person: If you pulled my ear I would have ripped out your nostril.”

Person 1: She’s attacking me! Person 2: No, he’s beating a woman, that’s not polite.

Person 1: I know many things! Person 2: like what? Person 1: ..... Person 2: my point.

Person: My shoes will be sparkly red stilettos. Fight me Dorothy.

Person: umm hello Christmas miracle even though I’m not Christian. Come at me 15 years from now!

Person 1: you’d make a really good baldie Person 2: yah you have a really rest head shape

Person: you know teletubbies? Yah that but compressed.

Person 1: I mean how will you become American? Person 2: paint me white, I’ll get a passport.

Person 1: I’m so funny. Person 3: it’s hard not to be when your life is a joke.

Person 1: So I’ve decided that my new career choice is to make school specific memes Person 2: That's Plan A? Yeash... at least Plan B lands you some cash

Person: I’m so small and bitter I’m like a human expresso

Person: You know what I’d name a baby kangaroo if I had one? David Jowie.

Person: I’m just saying that the orange red glitter crayon is you.

Person: I feel like a 1940’s schoolgirl who goes to an all girl finishing school where embroidery is a required class.

Person: I started high school with straight A’s, now I’m not even straight.

Person: Yeah, I’d swear by comic sans.

Person: (Persons name)stop being depressy and you’ll be more sucessy

Person: You can totally be insecure and self absorbed at the same time.

Person 1: Are you kids okay? Person 2: Besides crippling depression yeah.

Person: I don’t know it’s just giving me pig vibes.

Person: What drugs where the animators for “Pink Elephants on Parade” on?

Person: long story short I make like a semi hot guy.

Person: If I where pregnant id just be like 'you put this thing inside of me, you're helping me until it's out.'

Person: These girls asked me what type of  guys I like and being the simple gay I am, I completely blanked

Person 1: why do you read on your phone if you get carsick at 20 minutes? Person 2:Because it works for the first 19 minutes.

Person: Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a bar. Just kidding they aren't old enough to drink. Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a school cafeteria...

Person: I can't do alcohol cause I'm not of age but I can do drugs because they're illegal for everyone.

Person 1: you can't have a breakdown, it's the third day of school. Person 2:... so?

*Group of kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in twelve different keys* Person: For gods sake choose a key!

Person: For gods sake that was complicated. You didn't need to send out a survey to see which episode of which season of which show to watch.

Person: Honestly I'd chose stab over dab any day.

Person 1: She said she'd throw me out of the window. Person 2: She never did. Person 1: She never did.

Person: What language is this? *pause* Oh wait it's English.

Person 1: I mean it's pretty hit or miss. Person 2 from across the courtyard: I guess they never miss, huh?

Person: Chu-chu bitch. I’m a train.

Person after loosing game of kahoots: I’m going to ka-shoot myself.

Person: So basically I need to learn Hungarian for a song.

Person: No one screams their sneeze, its not human

Person: If I where a mosquito I would bite you and you’d get malaria and die.

Person: That tide pod aesthetic.

Person: No I loved Barney, Barney was my bo.

Person: If I where my own boyfriend I’d dump me.

Person: It's already a really good song but then it's dubstep so it's extra good.

Person: No one is EVER to old for coolmathgames.com

Person 1: Why are you using a poon? Person 2:….. Person 1: WHY ARE YOU USING A POON?!

Person 1: I’ve been blonde for 16 years. Person 2: So what? I’ve been brown for 16 years and you don’t see me coloring myself white!

Person: Yes. Scrape the sweat off my hand.

Person: No one cares about a square cube of water.

Person: We’re melanin intoxicated.

Person: Well my life may be a mess, but at least I’m not doing drugs. Yet.

Person: Negative 13 out of 10, do not recommend.

Person: Yah that’s gunna have to be a no from me.

Person: Fool me once......fool me twice.......fool me as many times as you want, my first name is dumbass.

Person 1: Ya know, I think the Americans have the order of dates right JUST BECAUSE you can do 4/20/2019. Person 2: Okay but they’re still wrong though.

Person with AirPods: And where are YOUR AirPods? Thats what I thought you broke bitches.

Person: Salem witch trials bitches.

Person: La Croix, the AirPods of the soda world.

Person: Who needs a thermometer when you have… your hands!?

Person 1: It’s time to bring back SEXY MASQUERADE BALLS Person 2: It really is. I need an excuse to wear an incredibly uncomfortable dress that's so big I can't even walk through doorways. Person 1: And to wear a swan inspired mask that doesn’t cover enough of my face to deem myself totally anonymous enough to be half as bold and daring as i plan on acting that night but everyone else is on board we’ll all just forget about it the next day. Person 2: That's to specific for you to have made up on the spot, you've thought about this.

Person: It was lady Macbeth that drugged and made the guards drunk, without her Macbeth would just be like “I guess I’ll stab him???” Person: It’s like playing where’s Waldo but the page is India and I’m Waldo.3Person: Why are there so many frowny faces everywhere?

Person: This group chat is weird. It's either homework, deep philosophical conversations, or memes, there's no in between.

Person 1: Honestly, where DID it come from Person 2: The endless abyss that is the internet.

Person: Are you really blaming our generational depression on Jake Paul?

Person 1:  Oh. My. God. Guys. Keep your carbon dioxide away from my computer. Person 2: But sharing is caring. Person 1: But my computer doesn’t need this kinda of negativity in its life right now.

Person: Sweetie, if you think I’m going to stop wearing my favorite dress just because you kissed me in it, you are dead wrong.

Person with a metal straw: I don't drink broke.

Person: My whole life has become that sock on the floor. It's just there. When did life screw us over and then just ex? I’m just gonna write a book, and the last sentence will be life screwed them over and then exed. A story of the main character who gets screwed over, so I can get that 'it be like that sometimes' reaction.

Person in group chat: Positivity- I will make you feel better about being an idiot. Self Doubt- I will highlight all of your mistakes and set low standards for you so you'll never be disappointed. Me to Self Doubt- I'm listening...

Person 1: Sadly the disappointment never goes away... Person 2: Man we're a sad lot this time of year.

Person 1:It’s almost my favorite time of the year Person 2:Ahh yes. Singles awareness day, also known as chocolate sales at Walgreens eve, also known as... Valentine's Day. Person 1:... Oh... I meant rainy season.

Person: Being antivax is like swimming in shark infested waters because you're afraid the bridge could break lmao.

Person: I learned how eat a kumquat this weekend.

Person: It’s so sticky. It’s like clear cheese.

Person: Hamburger helper? More like hamburger help me pass this class.

Person 1: So I slipped on a grape… Person 2: You got K.O.’ed by a grape (person’s name), how does it feel.

Person 1: Look at me, I’m fine. Person 2: Well how many drugs did you take. Person 1: Several.

Person 1: Did you just say it’s ALMOST FEBRUARY? Person 2: Yes, it’s January 72nd.

Person: I knew your comedic standards where low, but poop jokes? Really?

Person: What? So are you insinuating the fact that reliablest isn't a word?

Person 1: [bitter old man voice] back in my day, tik tok was a kesha song. Person 2: Back in my day we had wires attached to our AirPods.

Person: There's a reason rainbows aren't straight. Just saying.

Person reading sheet music and seeing mf crescendo: I forgot that mezzo forte was a thing for a second so I thought it said mother fucker as a crescendo but mood

Person: He looks like a fine piece of toasted white bread.

Person: If life hasn't given me a fist bump by now, why should I give life one?

Person: we all died in 2012 this is hell.

Person 1: Who wants a pamphlet on condoms? Person 2: Why do you have this? Do you collect them? Person 1: Yah it’s my hobby. I have this one, one on HIV and one on teenage pregnancy.

Person: We live a society where reading about assassins and gory details is a hobby.

Person: Stop breathing so loudly on my thumb!

Person 1: I’m the comic relief. Person 2: For what? Person 1: Myself.

Person1: Who’s your valentine this year? Person 2: Me, myself and I. Person 1: Wow three valentines, you really can’t keep them away can you?

Person: Why do women gotta get their period, why not men. I wish I was born a seahorse.

Person 1: No we can’t all fit, her car is smol. Like you. Person 2:  Says you miss 5 foot nothing lmao. Person 1: Hey we’re the same hight so says you miss 5 foot nothing.

Person: No, that’s cheating no emotionally disabling people.

Person 1: Why is it that we’re talking about someone burning eggs on two different group chats. Person 2: Hey I didn’t burn them. Person 3: Cause why not?

Person 1:  That’s not how an Australian accent works. Person 2: This is why I’m not Australian, I don’t have the koala-fications.

Person 1: I’m Indian, numbers run through my blood. Person 2: That’s like saying I’m going to marry my cousin just because I’m white.

Person: So I ate veggies and hummus for lunch but then I counterbalanced it by eating a spoon full of straight Nutella.

Person: Seagulls, California Pigeons, what’s the difference?

Person 1: I humbly apologize and request your forgiveness. Person 2:  I humbly decline your request for forgiveness.

Person: I think I’m permanently stuck somewhere between “If you mess with me I’ll fight” and “If you mess with me I’ll cry.”

Person 1: It was implied! Person 2: What’s implied is your inability to accept that fact that I’m right!

Person 1: I got lazy because I was eating Pringles. Person 2: She values Pringles more than me.

Person: Yo, you be the crazy ex girls they be talking about in memes.

Person: I swear (persons name) if I hooked up with squidward in your dream your subconscious and I need to have a little talk.

Person: You get to die, and you get to die! Everybody gets to die!

Person: How do you just add a child?

Person 1: Look at this ink based pencil. Person 2: A pen?
 Person 1: This egg is all broken. Person 2: It’s like you then, you both broke under the pressure.

Lakshmi: Don’t force your opinion, voice it.

Person 1: If I where a fruit, which one would I be? Person 2: Sushi. Person 1:… Sushi isn’t a fruit.

Person: I mean it’s not straight up “Yo come here I’m gunna kill you.”

Person: Bye gays, bye (other girls name).

Person 1: No (person B) stop. Just shut up. You’re making me loose brain cells. Person 2: But… Person 1: No. Just no.

Person: Stop. That is non-consensual pizza eating.

Person 1: Cheese is not a vegetable! Person 2: Well it’s not a meat either! Person 3: Guys… It’s dairy.

Person: Idiots have priority over just regular dumb people

Person: God melted the polar ice caps just to make it rain for Noah then refroze them. I don’t know (kids name) I’m not god!

Person: You and I will go out, and leave them to their raw fish rolled in sea salad.

Person: Does anyone else get really energized when they change their room? Just me? Okay.

Person: I hope you know I will diss you guys to the end of the earth.

Person: Bruh talk to (person’s name) I don’t know sh… *notices teacher looking at her*…niahhh.

Person 1: The thing is, I don’t want to be 80 that’s rough. Person 2: Then just die at 50.

Person: You’d be scrambled eggs with hair.

Person: Seeing you two fighting, it’s like seeing a piece of light fighting a black hole.

Teacher: What can you tell me about probability? Student 1: I hate it. Student 2: Dont you mean you? Student 1: Yes both.

Person: My brain has the dumb I’m sorry

Person 1: If my first word was no, I’m assuming that’s foreshadowing for them my family disowns me after I renounce religion and systemic abuse. Person 2: Or…. You just need to make sure your last word is yes. Person 1: Yes to what though? Person 2: ‘Are you dying?’ Yes.’ Pessimism, just your style. Person 1: That’s true.

Person: My parents don’t message me, they’re the type of people who CALL. Where did I get my social anxiety from??

Person: Well guys it's been great knowing you I’m just going to drown now.

Person: I figured out a new diet regime, it’s called sleeping until noon and just not eating breakfast.

Person: The f on my birth certificate was the doctor paying their respects.

Person: Chocolates with raspberry filling are the sole reason I’m still alive.

Person 1: Isn’t Latin a dead language? Person 2: You’re a dead language!

Person: Hydrate before you diedrate.

Person 1: you have a son named Spider-Man? Person 2:  what noooo! Person 3: well don’t expose her!

Person: That awkward moment when you just really don’t care about people.

Person 1: (Person 2) and I will be over here with my virgin margarita and her water. Person 2: Hey! I want apple juice! Person 3: Why are you not drinking (Person 1)? Person 2: Because she’s to single, and also she’d strip. Person 1: Woahh! How dare you assume that I’m not drinking because I’m to single?

Person 1: Ya know, I think I’m going to have to jazz hands my way through hell. Person 2: All of us will.

Person: Brown town children, y’all find someone in India?

Person 1: Wow you have the best backup singers. Person 2: I only hire the best, at least 5 stars in yelp. Person 1: Well good because that’s  the sound they’re making.

Person: The cold kills everything, it’s like my heart.

Person 1: Remember the rolls I brought to school last year that I used to give you? The ones with paneer and the really good spices? Person 2: Yah? Person 1: This is not at all the same thing.

Person 1: What’s stevia? Person 2: It’s like sugar but no.

Person 1: Yeetus Skelettus. Person 2: Fetus Deletes? Honey, that’s called abortion.

Person: Anything for you. That’s what you said. Anything for you. But when I ask for just one bite of your pasta? No!

Person 1: I've written 1,300 words and don’t have a thesis statement or topic question Person 2: Yeah, you need to figure that out.

Person 1: you know I had a dream that you where in a romantic relationship with a toaster. Person 2:  wasn’t that your relationship with (ex’s name)? Person 1: you’d have more chemistry with a toaster.

Person: Can people read colors? Cause I am ooo.

Person: It’s like hands but medusa

Person: You look like a cardboard jellyfish that’s brown

Person 1: Two of us like boys. Person 2: We all like boys. Person 1: Two of us like ONLY boys.

Person: you’re like a reverse plant. You convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Person: Shhhhh. I’m not in physics, let me be dumb in peace.

Person: Why are you laying down like some greek god, get up you brown child.

Person 1: Do all of you just think you’re going to be single? Person 2: I already am why not keep the streak going to get a high score?

Person: and now cracks of light are coming out from around the sides like some sort of computer Jesus!

People 1 and 2: Rock Paper Scissors Person 3: shoot me please.

Person 1: not since 9/11 you can’t. Person 2: dang. You just tossed your whole country just to prove a point. I’ve never been so proud.

Person 1: what is an angle of depression? Person 2: it’s my life. Person 1: no it’s you because it’s not straight.

Person: Boom. Lesbians.

Person 1: Well what if two rocks just washed up at the same time and humans. Person 2: Evolution.

Person: Watermelon isn’t good anymore, I swear its just water with food coloring.

Person: You being dumb makes me want to correct you, sos too being dumb cause I’m on vocal rest.

Person: well (persons name) who have you a mouth?

Person: Teachers that grade late work deserve all the love and cookies and cake in the world.

Person 1: honestly I just want to die right now. Person 2: same. Literally same.

Person: I just feel like a single molecule lost in space.

Person: who’s gunna stop me? God? Damn him to hell.

Person: the line is not actually straight it’s like (students name)

Person 1: It’s your favorite sleep deprived gay. Person 2: But I’m my favorite sleep deprived gay. Self love. Person 1: We Stan.

Person 1: Why do you have a tool? Person 2: Because my hair is moist.

Person: eating lead was an otherworldly experience

Person 1: I have everything stolen from me 2: at least you have the tiniest bit of dignity left 3: what dignity? 1: exactly

Person 1:( holding up katsup) does this go on salad?

Person:I’m turning red! Me! A brown girl!

Person: I’m not trying argue that we should date, I’m just saying.

Person 1: what’s your biggest turn on? Person2 : a light switch Person 2: or then leaving.

Person 1: what is the most attractive retire on someone Person 2: my own face

Person: you’d be that one bar do white chocolate that just sits in the feidge because no one wants it

Person: that’s like saying I’d rather see your shirt than your face.

Person: why would I shut up when I can shut (kids name) down

Person: Subtle. Gay. Vibes. I’m telling you.

Person: just watch me write my ee on all the reasons why nick caraway is gay. Just watch me.

Person: Why are you stereotyping. What if the body doesn’t want trucks, what if he wants to be a fairy.

Person: being ace is basically just eww no but like forever.

Person: Stop trying to science your way out of being wrong.

Person: even if you did ask me out I’d still say no so then you’d even be rejected by a trash can

Person 1: you can’t read cheese color. Person 2: yellow?

Person 1: Think about  it like you’re brown Person 2: She is brown Person 1: Then act like it

Person: You’re not an ugly frog, you’re a beautiful human being. Person: I am. Very very dumb. And also. Bisexual.

Person: I was thinking of something smart but then I forgot what it was.

Person: I want to skip the crush phase and just make out with someone.

Person 1: The only way to get into the Holland family is to marry in through Paddy. Person 2: (Person 1’s name) this isn’t the royal family.

Person: Omigod you looked like the human version of squid ward.

Person: I want to be smart. Where can I learn smart stuff?

Person: But plant the seed and smoke the weed and chop the cane.

Peeeson 1: that is the definition of meter? Person 2: about 3 feet. Person 1: okay thanks America

Person 1: who’s Tom Holland? Person 2: Spider-Man you uncultured swine!!

Person: I am not a children

Person: Ohh dang yeah forgot chickens existed for a while

Person: Hey! Don’t narrate my water!

Person: I don’t read water.

Person: Think of it as a relationship. If you and your ex break up they are salty but you profit because you wanted to end it but if you end it weak, then y’all will argue back and forth and get nowhere with ending it while still exchanging insults.

Person: You know those really sexual mattress adverts?

Person: Oh please, you have the sexual appeal of an easy bake oven.

Person 1: weed is a gate way drug Person 2: YOURE A GATEWAY DRUG!

Person: (first, middle, last name), I love you to the end of the earth. But you are a daft child.

Person 1: She’s like that type of girl. She’s the long paragraph white girl. Person 2: Well that’s a niche if I’ve even seen one.

Person 1: swing you two fight is like watching two ants fight. Person 2: you friking piece of bacteria!

Person: I’m just an intellectual.

Person: I will murder your face off.

Person: that’s like a kilometer tall.

Person: It’s weird when I pet you horizontally.

Person: to be honest I thought those were rocks in a jar for the longest time. Turns out they weren’t.

Person: does she have a brother or gay tendencies

Person: I’m going to slap your hand like it’s a fricking spider.

Person: I like your face better blurry.

Person: every night at about midnight someone starts googling astrology

Person: I will kick you. I will murder your soul.

Person 1: I’m just going to marry a millionaire. Person 2: Where are you gunna finds a millionaire in this economy?

Person: Welcome to my tea party, there isn’t any tea to drink, but we have a lot of it to spill.

Person: Yah, it was something about sex or something.

Person: You’re all uncultured swines.

Person: I’m about as straight as a sine curve.

Person 1: They’re not Oreo’s you dumb head Person 2: I know that dumber head. Person 3 :Shut up dumbest heads

Person: As an ex foetus i can say with authority that if my mother had aborted me i wouldn't have known nor would i have given a fuck

Person: I’ve just accepted I’m going to fail this test. I’ve gone through the 5 stages of grief already.

Person: Yes I’m blind that’s why I need glasses fool.

Person: what the fork do you want you little son of a biscuit.

Person: Anyway now I’m taking Tylenol PM and I’m going to actually sleep tonight that’ll be fun.

Person: I need all the hoodies. ALL OF THEM.

[cleverbroadwayurl]

Some AUs that I Love

Okay so I made a giant list of AUs, prompts, and other things that I love so that you guys could reblog/request/get inspiration from them! I know some are really similar, but honestly that just means I really love that trope! Please feel free to reblog these and use them for your own purposes! I’ll update this list as time goes on, I’m sure, as I’ve had a running list for a long time that was just on my phone. I also don’t own any of these (besides 152 and 196). 

it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost

I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria

it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay

The guy with the bibles on the quad has cornered me and is screaming about hell, please rescue me

You’re the only one who actually responded to the desperate message I sent to the whole class about needing the notes

'i ordered a pumpkin spice latte at starbucks and you made a heart with the foam and i decided to drink it here so i can smile at you some more’ au

you walked here in a blizzard to get your hot chocolate but you forgot your wallet at home, here, let me buy your drink for you

we’re at the mall when there’s a severe weather warning over the loudspeakers, guess we’re spending the night here

“I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold a shirt and then leave it one more time I’m going to stuff it down your throat” AU

“You saw me reading the same book you did and we got into a heated discussion on how much it sucks” AU

“You have just witnessed me cry over the ending to my favorite game before class began please don’t ever tell anyone about this.”

“I’ve never talked to you before but the teacher just used us as an example for a scenario where we are married.”

“I’m exhausted, feverish, and hacking up a lung, and the student health center’s first suggestion was pregnancy, can you help me get to the ER in town” AU

“I know that this probably isn’t a good idea but it’s included in the meal plan and I’m stressed out, so I keep hitting the ice cream sundae bar in the buffet style dining hall at least a couple times a week” AU

bonding solely via eye contact over that annoying person on our plane that we’re both slowly becoming more and more exasperated about au

you fell asleep and i started making funny faces at your kid to keep them amused and the steward mistook us for a couple au

actually, any mistaken for a couple au

having to SHARE A LIVING SPACE FOR ARBITRARY FIC REASONS. having to see each other in their pajamas first thing in the morning, messy haired, drowsy eyed and soft faced. going from “you can have the bathroom first” to brushing their teeth beside each other and feeling like this closeness has always existed (at the same time, painfully aware that it won’t always).

bed sharing. :^) we all pretend we’re bigger than this but we are not. 

'room mate has a nightmare and doesn’t want to sit alone at night’ au 

'room mate gets sick and needs tissues and cough sweets and soup’ au

ok but a ‘your apartment is next to/above mine and i can hear you and your partner dancing and singing and the bed moving and you two laughing and talking in hussed tones and it won’t let me sleep so i bitch about it to you 24/7 and one day it stops and one day turns to one week and then months and i haven’t seen you smile in forever please let me     in, i’ve been knocking for ten minutes’ au.

Don’t tell anyone you saw me crying AU

did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

I’m calling to cancel our date because I’m actually in the ER right now, sorry. …I mean, sure, I guess you can come down here, but… okay…

You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole

'i’m having a minor breakdown in the middle of bed bath and beyond and you’re a bewildered shopper who wants to buy plates but also to make sure i’m okay bc im wailing a little bit in the kitchenware section’ au

“I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”

“You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”

“We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 

“You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

It’s like 3AM and my roommate locked me out of the house and I forgot my keys and I’m really drunk pls take pity on me and let me crash at your place for the night o’ neighbor of mine AU

The walls in this apartment building are really thin and I can hear you having mental breakdowns all the time are you okay? AU

“I barely know you but my boyfriend just broke up with me and you heard me crying so you brought over ice cream and movies” AU

I was in a hurry and I ran into you outside the coffee shop while you were carrying two lattes and it turns out they were both for you except that now you’re wearing them I’m so sorry

‘i offer you my bed to sleep in bc our respective roommates are getting it on in your room and take the sofa to sleep on only i wake up back in my bed with your tiny body wrapped around me and damn me if it isn’t the cutest thing i’ve ever seen’ au

You passed out in my car because of strong medication and now I have to figure out how to get you home and avoid taking a picture of your cute sleeping face.” 

 “Hi so i know we haven’t talked before but we have French Literature together and i noticed you’ve been gone and since we’re on the same dormitory floor i thought i’d stop by and give you my really thorough notes and oh wow you’re rEALLY sick are you ok?” 

you look so good and so many people are trying to pick you up and I can only sit in the corner and seethe, and now people are giving me concerned looks

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

 I’m worried about your coffee dependency

  “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

meeting while waiting for hours on end in the emergency room au

‘i’m pretending to be ur bff bc u looked VERY uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on u’ AU

“We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU

“we work at the same office and never really interacted but suddenly we’ve been taken hostage” AU

“at a concert and you kinda saved me from being trampled” AU

“can i borrow your blanket? i need to cry.” AU

‘im really sorry i keep staring but i dreamed about you horribly dying last night and i just wanted to make sure you dont spontaneously combust’

‘i drew you a mathematical heart curve for valentine’s day u nerd’

“I’m a waiter/waitress and you always sit in my section. I really like you and i thought you liked me back until you walked in here with a date, w h o o p s would you look at that I keep spilling stuff on them” au

Another waiter/waitress one: “You always come to this place and never talk much, but now these two assholes are harassing me and you step in and defend me” au

“My friends dared me to go on this rollercoaster but now that we’re at the top it looks way too scary and hellO hot person sitting next to me (careful i might puke)” au

“My significant other just broke up with me and I impulse bought like 5 pizzas. Can you help me eat them and make me feel less like shit?” AU

“You’re a store clerk and oh shit I just spotted my ex please let me hide behind your desk-thing” AU

"This has been a very bad week and you just grabbed the last box of my favorite comfort food at the supermarket” AU

“You crashed into me on your bicycle but I’m actually okay, you on the other hand look like you need some first aid” au

“this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au

“it’s the middle of the night and i’m walking home alone in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s starting to gain on me and i found this phone booth with a lock on the door and i tried to call my best friend but my hands were shaking so badly i accidentally dialed the wrong number and i don’t even know you but help me” au

“we’ve been pen pals for like hella months and we finally decided to meet up and damn your cute, also did you break up with your jerk bf/gf yet?” au

“i was out in public and had an anxiety attack and you left your friends to give me some chocolate and talk me through it, so tysm” au

“idk you but you were getting hit on in public and you look super uncomfortable so i walked over and pretended to be your bf/gf, but hey while we’re at it, do you wanna go get some food?” au

You and I ride the same bus home every day but never talk but then you fell asleep and sorry to wake you up (you look really cute in your sleep) but it’s your stop next

it’s exam week and i run a coffee shop near the campus and you walked right into my glass door i’m laughing so hard oh my god

you started screaming bloody murder and i could hear you from my apartment and i thought something was horribly wrong but it turned out to be just a spider. and after i squashed it with a slipper you coerced me into being your spider-savior

“you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die” au

“you fell asleep on my shoulder on the plane ride and i  would ask you to move but you look so comfy and adorable when you sleep. also you smell really good and the feeling of your breath on my skin is somewhat relaxing, maybe we can go out to lunch in this shitty airport when you wake up?” au

“i’m a quiktrip worker and whenever I work a night shift, you always arrive and buy like 3 cans of redbull and you look exhausted, do you need some help? are you okay?” au

“i catch you at the bus terminal shivering your ass off because it’s 30 degrees and for some godforsaken reason you’re wearing a short sleeve t shirt, so out of pity i lend you my hoodie and you look so surprised it’s the cutest thing i’ve ever seen, setting aside the fact that you’re a goddamn idiot, do you want to get sick?” au

(cont.) “you look so sad and cold that i just tell you to keep my hoodie b/c you obviously need it more than i do. a week later i see you at a coffee shop/book store/etc. and you’re wearing my hoodie which you look so fucking tiny and cute in, and you just saw me and you look super embarrassed; you offer me it back but i tell you it suits you more and we end up talking and i buy you a drink” au

i tried to call a crisis hotline but got one number off and started ranting for 10 minutes before you got to speak and tell me i got the wrong number but now you’re worried about me and telling me not to hang up

Character A has been working at a retail store during the night/early morning of Black Friday and is so tired, but they need to stay awake so that they can drive home. Character A stops at Character B’s small coffee shop—which opened early in case people came in at 4am—and Character A accidentally falls asleep in a very comfortable chair while waiting on their coffee. Character B lets them sleep and even gets a blanket out of the back room to cover Character A

You’ve been missing for 5 months and suddenly you turn up at my doorstep with a huge scar across your face, looking more grim than when you left and won’t talk about what happened.

You usually only order hot chocolate and yet today you’re ordering something with six shots of espresso, are you okay??? Are you gonna die???

I just took a super dangerous job and you’re trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money

You always bring your dates here to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone…you okay mate?

We are trapped in a bank during a robbery

I saw you sleeping on the couch in the lounge in the morning, but now it’s like 5 pm and you’re still here. Are you okay?

I don’t know how we ended up having to sit next to each other on a roller coaster ride—sorry I fell against you  and grabbed your hand a couple times

“You’re so small”

“I can’t breathe”

“Fight me”

“Whose head do I have to rip off?”

“Don’t you ever fucking touch them again”

Found the other in an alleyway under the influence of drugs/alcohol and brought them home

“Why am I your emergency contact?”

“Wait, you actually stayed the night?”

“If he’s going to treat you like shit, I’m gong to kick his ass.”

“I just want to cuddle and watch friends.

“I want my best friend back”

“If I ever see you anywhere near her, you’ll have to deal with me!”

“Fuck…I feel like I’ve been hit by a car”

“Who gave you that black eye?!”

“Are you drunk?”

“You got her pregnant?! What were you thinking?”

“It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”

“We should get you to a hospital.”

I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waiter please help me

just a game? jUST A GAME????? FUCK YOU I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN

“Please don’t touch me”

“Does he know about the baby?”

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Game’s over son of a bitch! Tell me where she is!”

“Look at me—just breathe, okay?”

“Shit, are you bleeding?”

“You haven’t touched your food. What’s going on?”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“That guy at the bar keeps staring at you.”

“You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

“Do you want to stay over tonight?”

“Every guy you date is a total jerk and I have to watch you get heartbroken over and over again because you can’t see that I love you!”   

We were snuggling in our underwear when my roommate came home early from vacation now you have to try and sneak down the fire     escape while I distract them with really terrible small talk

I don’t really know you but I noticed that this creep has been trying to chat you up even though you’ve already turned him down, so I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend until they leave you alone

It’s 2 am, we’re standing outside of our apartment building because someone pulled the fire alarm, and you look cold and unprepared, do you want to share my blanket?

We share a class at university and you forgot your notebook under your desk but luckily your phone number’s written inside PS: your doodles are pretty cool

I got stood up on a date and you were just grabbing dinner—shit my ex is here, sit down and pretend to laugh at something I said attractive stranger

Our flats are opposite each other and your kitchen window faces my kitchen so we always see each other making coffee at 3am.

Imagine you’ve been stood up by your douche of a boyfriend on date night and the waitress keeps asking if you’re ready to order but you keep asking for more time hoping that he’s just late. People are starting to look at you with those apologetic looks like they now and you start to feel worse and worse about the whole situation but as you decide to just get up and leave, this boy you’ve never seen sits down explaining loudly “Sorry, I’m so late, traffic is crazy right now.” He quietly adds “I’m [name]. Just go with it, yeah? Whoever didn’t bother to show up is a dick.” And so you go with it because he’s sweet and trying to save you (and plus he’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen) and as you’re leaving the restaurant after the best non-planned date ever, he asks you out for real this time.

I’ve been texting my friend for about a week now and they don’t reply but turns out I was texting a random person and there was some deep personal stuff I sent oh my god why are they calling me now (+bonus if the person calls at 2am)

“Look I don’t mean to pry but you’ve been wearing the same outfit for three days and I just want to check that you’ve slept?” “Okay obviously not because you just passed out in the hallway holy shit what do I do?”

You’re the bartender and you catch someone slipping something into my drink

You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished

I come to this café pretty much every day after work and by now you know my order by heart and even wave at me when I come in

I brought you to my friend’s wedding as my plus one and it was really fun and all but now it’s the end of the night and we’re sitting alone together at the reception and all these twinkle lights and flowers everywhere are causing a hell of a lot of romantic tension between us and ohhhhhhhhh

We were the only two to show up to class because it was cancelled but stay inside to finish work and ‘Hey, are you good at math?’

You’re my neighbor who got drunk and thought this was your apartment but I can’t just send you back home when you keep crying and venting about all of these awful things happening to you

I’m always terrified no matter how many times someone draws my blood. And even though you don’t need to be there when the guy comes     in to take it you always stay with me and talk to me to calm me down and     hold my hand

There’s this creepy person asking me out over text and could you pretend to be my significant other?

“How much did you drink?”

I’m a little drunk and I tried to call my ex back and I typed in your number and you had to hear a long emotional rant ohmygod I’m mortified but you left me a really sweet voicemail aw

The coffee machine stopped working and you’re cramming for finals please don’t cry

I accidentally gave you the wrong dosage of your medication and now we’d better get to the hospital before you pass out and possibly die

Lady and the Tramp AU

“The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???”

“It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???” AU.

We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice cream and maybe we should eat it together?

“You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee”

You’re my roommate who’s super cute and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming     increasingly hard for me not to kiss you.

"We work together and I stayed after a couple minutes and I saw you on the intercom pretending you were at the Hollywood Bowl with Beyoncé and not to be weird but you're adorable ??"

“It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single”

“I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad”

“I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile”

“You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer” AU.

“I’m egging a random person’s house to relieve stress and you join me and as it turns out the house belongs to your ex and now they are chasing us as well as the police and now we’re both in jail waiting to be bailed so um you wanna talk about it?”

“I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared” AU.

“I lied and said I could speak a different language to impress my crush but now he wants me to tutor him so I need to become fluent in Mandarin in 3 days HELP”

“I’m taking this Literature class to fill a Gen Ed, and for the love of God I can’t figure out this dumb poem. Here, you’re an English Major, please help me write this stupid paper” au

“I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be”

“I think I picked up your coffee by mistake”

“I want my best friend back”

“I’ll be right over”

“I’m so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend.”

“Is there a special reason why you’re wearing my shirt?”

“It’s okay to cry”

“Look at me--just breathe okay?”

“She’s been missing since Friday and you’re not worried?” 

“We have to pretend that we’re married.”

“Why can’t they see that they’re meant for each other?” 

“You did all this for me?”

“You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” 

“You’ve only heard his side of the story. You never asked mine.”

While closing up Character A finds that they’re completely snowed in and the roads are blocked. Character B--another employee/a regular that stayed late--gets out two mugs and offers to make Character A a cup of hot cocoa while they wait for the snow to clear.

“how much did you drink?”

“You deserve better. It doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better.”

“Please just hold my hand, that person’s basically undressing me with their eyes.”

Teacher from one department falls in love with teacher from another department AU

You found me singing a sad song on the fire escape a floor below you and you came down to ask me if something was wrong and I broke down and told you everything while you awkwardly sat there patting my head while I wept into your shoulder.

We sit across from each other on the train/tube everyday and I’m not sure how but we’ve ended up with this weird, silent, almost-friendship where we share “wtf” looks when we see another passenger doing something weird or telling a bizarre story and a few times I’ve almost gotten you to break and laugh out loud, but today you’re sitting with someone and I think they must be your partner because they are really in your space, but you shoot me a silent look that clearly screams ‘get this creep away from me’ and I’m all for that. AU

It’s the middle of winter and my heater went out and you let me stay at your place so I don’t freeze to death. God bless you.

Why are you crying in the hallway?? Are you okay?? Let’s go to my place, I have ice cream and Netflix.

I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying. 

I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you AU

“I don’t get sick”

“It’s not fun anymore, I’m dizzy...”

“We need to get this fever down”

“If you don’t stop soon, we’re going to the ER.”

You didn’t get a blanket on this flight so I figured we could share mine. You look cold okay? NO I AM NOT BLUSHING

You walked into the student lounge on our dorm floor and saw me cry-studying and walked out and now you’re back with coffee and a bag of chips and I’m seriously debating proposing to you with my ring pop

I kept getting harassed by some creepy person as I was trying to study and they’re not picking up on my ‘fuck off’ vibes and I started to actually get scared and then you put a coffee in front of my face and called me babe and scared them away thank you please let me buy you a new one on me oh you have a really cute smile when you’re shy

So I heard you get into this huge fight with someone and I know we’ve only exchanged genial smiles but I just wanted to check that you’re okay AU

You’re my adorably shy and awkward assistant who cares way too much about my love life and at a dance party you tell me to dance with the most attractive person in the room last so you can set up a date with them for me and when everyone’s gone I ask you to dance with me because you’re the prettiest person here to me duh AU

Your girlfriend decided to kick you out at 3 AM and I tripped over your boxes of shit in the hallways in my drunken trip to my apartment now I’m half passed out in a pile of your clothes AU

You asked who I had a crush on and so I described you to a tee but apparently you’re the most oblivious person in the world because you got kinda sad and nodded and HOW DO YOU NOT GET THIS AU

So your TV is facing the window and you’ve been watching Say Yes to the Dress for three days straight I just want to make sure you’re okay AU

You don’t eat nearly enough food and so I’ve gotten in the habit of making you lunches and bringing you deserts to make sure you don’t starve

My cereal is always on the bottom shelf but today they changed the layout so it’s on the top and I can’t reach it AND I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR HELP YOU GIANT AU

You are stupidly tall and you sit in front of me in class and I can’t see anything so I despise you with all of my soul AU

You are fiery and outspoken but you are so short that nobody pays any mind and I am so tall and have a huge crush on you so I just sort of follow you around making people listen to you AU

Person A getting startled by the New Years fireworks--not being fond of loud noises. Person B pulls them in for a deep kiss, completely distracting them from the exploding lights filling up the night sky

I was really drunk and you walked me safely back to my dorm room

My roommate brought you back to our apartment because apparently you got really drunk last night and needed someone to keep you safe and now you’re hungover and making pancakes and wow you’re cuTE

My ex runs one of the rides and I want to RUB IT IN THEIR FACE hold my hand and by the way when the camera takes a pic imma lean over and kiss you okay AU

[imthetree-yourethecar]

99 Question Tag

I was tagged by @lordfartwad 💞 Thank you! 💘

1.DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Closed because I ain’t fixin to get murdered

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

Only if they smell good

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

Tucked in? Idk why I’d have them loose

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

Nope

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

No

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

No we just recycle coupons like immediately

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

Bear

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

No, just some random beauty marks

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

Nope but I’ve been trying to more recently

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

Slow walkers (and loud chewers)

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

No

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

Probably when I was younger

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

Nope

14. I think I deleted this question on accident. Oops. Oh dear

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

I don’t chew on them but sometimes I’ll put the ends on my bottom lip or teeth

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

Zero

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

Twin at my mom’s I think, single at my dad’s

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

Jessica by the Allman Brothers

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Yeah, duh

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

Only The Simpsons and Bob’s Burgers

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity are the two worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

Wouldn’t you like to know

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

Usually nothing, maybe milk

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

Ketchup I think. Wait no, honey mustard

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Pasta but not with white sauce

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

Clueless, Attack the Block, Grease, Inglourious Basterds, Bring It On, American Hustle

27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

No one

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

Nope

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

Print is dead

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

Idk like grade 5?? For a school assignment

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

What does this say

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

Nope

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

I’ve only ever driven for like, 25 minutes at a time

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

Hmm pb&j

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

What does this mean

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

10 - 11 weekdays, 11 - 12 30 weekends

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Ye

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

2018 I was Cher from Clueless in her gym outfit. Past costumes include Darth Vader, Jack Skellington, and Amy Pond

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

Snake 🐍

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

One because French class wasn’t real

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

No but when I was a kid I think we had a Highlights subscription

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

What the fuck is a Lincoln Log

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

It depends

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?

Conan

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

No unless you count Grey’s Anatomy and The Walking Dead

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

I wanna say no

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

Nope

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Only when I’m home alone

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

Nope

50. EVER USED A GUN?

No

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

Uh October? For my grad picture

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

Maybe but always in a good way

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

Not really

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

Yeah yuck

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

McDonald’s Apple Pie (but pumpkin pie is the real winner in general)

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Veterinarian

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

Mmmm no?

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

Yeah occasionally 

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

No but I should

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

At my dad’s yeah. Not so much at my mom’s

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?

At my dad’s I do

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Big t-shirt and pajama pants

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

Asdfghjkl Justin Bieber’s Believe Tour

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?

We only have a Walmart but ew. I think Target was nice

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

Nike?

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

The puffy Cheetos

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

Peanuts

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?

No 

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

When I was little I did ballet, jazz, and tap but only until I was like, 5

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

Rich

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

No

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

Nope

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

No

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

Nope

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

Nope

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?

No

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

?

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

Not sure

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

Okay so last Thursday I saw Cheng2Duo, a brother/sister cello/piano act. They were super adorable and incredibly talented. I lowkey love the cello

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

Hot tea unless you count Nestea as cold tea oof

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

Coffee

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

I don’t eat either

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

God no

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

Yeah

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

Yeah

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

Idk I’ve never been to one

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

Not that I recall, I usually have pretty bad luck

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

Nope

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

Yuck yuck yuck I REFUSE to read this

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

I've tried learning to knit a few times but I never keep up with it so I forget

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

Living room

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Yeah

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

Not married

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

Woof uh, Kevin, Brandon, possibly a Xander now

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

No

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

Once again, YUCK

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Blue

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

Nah

im tagging: @joffrey-dahmer @nervousholyghost @sagasofsundry @e--greyson @deakydeakydeakysaltpitdeaky @serialthrillkisser  @curlyclogs

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

[kadhal]

ADI ADI ADI HII as you know my eams are over so. i watched jjk volume 0 on thursday and god ASDFGHJKLKHJG i'm screaming crying etc. because.!!! stfu yuuta. is my bae HE IS MY BAE and we are both channeling half dead core... sobs jjk vol 0 was so precious mainly baby yuuta but also !! GOJO THE MAD LAD THE MAD SON THE GAY ASS MF SDGFHGJHKLK falling in love with the most unhinged man that i have ever seen. i'm not even kidding literally look at suguru in the movie there are gifs but he is so fucking insane and my friends are out here simping and i'm like LLL because this guy is off his rocker but also #aro things but an. ee . way. the "atleast curse me at the very end" scene fuking obiliterated me and not in the good way it obiliterated me in the absolute way which means i'm going to be twirling my pen going insane kinda way (like i mean this seriously i watched the theatrical release and so in the cinema hall where it was all quiet for gojo i am just sitting here beside my friend who is sobbing while i am trying to hold in my chuckles because i can guarantee i look like an absolute maniac. i should write an apology because i straight up started almost laughing in the death scene srdfghjkl I CAN'T TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY IN MY DEFENCE)

but anyway i am soooo normal about volume 0 and yuuta and gojo parallels and satosugu. the fact i am going to write a fic now has no correlation whatsoever hahahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

omg!!!!!! ur so RGIHT yuuta is everything <3 MY WORLD LIGHT OF MY LIVE ETC. if smth happened 2 him i would not b sane. NAUR bc gojo is acually rhe most fucked up gay person i have ever met. like dude ur bf is a mass murder that is absolutely unhinged. SUGURU IS INSANE! i love him bc hes. well. bc hes suguru but also like. mans is absolutely deranged ??? sorry <3 AT LEAST CURSE ME AT THE END WAS ANIMATED. OBV WELL JJK 0 IS GOING 2 B THE DEATH OF ME I AM GOING 2 DIE. OHMYGODDD. REALLL OF U THO!!!!!! i wld b laughing too actually before i am an emotional wreck for suguru i am a gojo satoru is a freak agenda and at the SLIGHTEST inconvience that freak faces i am the # 1 enjoyer of it all. i miss him tho get him the fuck out of the prison realm i need 2 make fun of him <33 we r so sane and normal abt jjk 0 obv like. yes <3 AND OMG FIC?????? im listening😋

[obannthepunished]

oof i forgot to post notes

here

Nott is Fjord's daughter now

Calianna?? i missed the spelling im sure her sheet will pop back up, but she wants an Item from the storehouse. She has also called jester and kiri cute which is gr8 Oooh she's got left side draconic shit

im working so like... bad notes

theyre all being dicks but shes determined theyre lovely i love her too much

theyre heading toward the... unterloch??? close enough

"Mr caleb" - Callie

Jester has Kiri on her shoulders <3

"MR FJORD" (with the lil j noise lmao) ooooh i love her

its super duper misty/foggy, they cant see much

Nott is Bren for this lmao, gives Febron some fuckin booze Callie, @ Fjord: (some comment about parenting)

Callie calls Febron "Mr Creepy Pervert" which i think is. just fab. move over molly youve been replaced as my fav (jkjk molly my darling i love you)

i do love that its "i need a d6" and everyone clamours to give. ive done that. its so nice. Big fuckin fireball burns off the fog in a wide area, and also damages something that comes for them taliesin your vicious mockery needs work Fjord casts Witch Bolt? Sick

ok ok notes picking up now promise, around Frumpkin looking out over shit with Caleb layer of bones inside something or other. a tree trunk. something matted in corner.

taliesin and laura pointing in EXACT unison is really creepy

marisha gets that nat20 on a survivl check

Febron nearly walks into a venus fuck trap, Callie levitates him, and they bat him away like a balloon

Caleb is very good at being a dickhead and i adore him

Fjord sees a shadow and they fan out, Callie Fjord Beau Yasha Molly?

Shadow is a bulbous humanoid, super boily, trollish in nature Beau distracts w some ball bearings oh ja callie thinks molly is a super devout bahamut follower

Callie is from port demali originally! raised by a cult taken in off the street

Jester is charged with going to make friends with the troll and hands Kiri over holding her under the arms... wings? And Fjord takes her by the scruff and literally EVERYONE gets mad (Nott takes custody instead)

Jester sends her duplicate out, and the troll attacks it and then runs away when it fails

pearl hilted daggers in the trees mark the way

there are corpses set up for show ew

Jester is gonna try and Speak With Dead

Q: What Did this to you? A: Swamp fish men under the ground

Q: How many? A: Many

Q:did anything hurt them more A: TLDR when we cut them, they bleed

Q: --nvm the troll gets Febron

Febron is Unconscious FEBRON IS SUPER DUPER PERMADEAD

Beau is ALSO unconscious now

Matt: That ends your turn fjord? Fkord:... yyyeah i cast regret

Caleb is casting things and IM HERE SCREAMING SLOW REPEATEDLY AT 5am

Yasha burns her movement to get close and DROP IT

Jester casts Healing Word THANK GOD 7hp

CALLIE FREES BEAU WITH LEVITATE!

troll gets away w febrons super dead corpse

back to speak with dead on the halfling Q: which way is the safehouse a: (head curves to right) hundred feet that way

br8k

The cult worshipped The Queen idk ic ant remember the proper name, part of a ritual the bowl, ueen of chromatic dragons

Callie cleans the water so Nott can see, which is sweet

jester + callie comlimeting one another is so cute this is th new otp

big big tree hollow chamber

Nott gets fragment of possibility and goes down a lil hole, falls but casts featherfall

they all godown, kiri in a corner, and they talk too much and lose their surprise round

Fjord: SUP, FISHFUCKS HUNGER OF HADAR BITCHES HOLY FUCK

Fjord is stabbed w harpoon 8( and then is bitten!

BEAU IS ENLARGED

i love it when they call molly "mollymauk" it genuinely fills me with some joy

Fjord is nat20 harpoon'd too. AND AGAIN AND UNCONSCIOUS but half orc so 1hp Fjord is pulled in, beau sentinel's it before it can get at him, but it still takes its bite- misses, thanks to Molly's blood maledict. nvm he goes down again.

Yasha gets real mad and murders one of the fish buoys

Duplijester casts cure wounds by hugging Fjord

I love when the CRew starts fuckin singin all together its so beautiful. the lollipop every time.

Beau flurry of blows it and its dying but not gone.

Fjord gets the hdywtdt with his FUCKING eldritch blast

Callie is a little possessive of kill. "a little" also i know shorthand itd be cali but fuck you im homestuck til the end

Kiri stabbing dead things (callie voice): i kill people! Marisha is amazed by how magnets work

lots of money found. manacles.

Nott finds the bowl and hides it REALLY WELL from Callie Caleb Identifies the bowl, it's for communicating with the Queen and requires blood.

Fjord has little panicky flashbacks of being in the shipwreck oh sheisse he continues under the water though. big room, piled up treasure, 5-6 fish dudes.

Caleb calls Everyone over except Jes and Nott, no, now including Jester. Beau snatches the bowl from Caleb. and now theyre all super mad at caleb for this what the fuck yall.

Cult of the caustic heart, servants of the scaled tyrant Callie is being honest YAAAAAAY

Beau drags Caleb away and lectures him, but Callie stands up for him which is Really Nice. Mol: "YOURE ALRIGHT CALEB, YOURE JUST A SHITTY COMMUNICATOR"

YASHA HAS THE SWORD THAT DISPELS MAGIC shes gonna stab it IT WORKS!!!!! SHE SHATTERS THE FUCKING BOWL!!!!!!! Callie just gives her a big hug awww and yasha pats her

Callie + Jester are now pen pals Callie leaves