#good god bacon tastes fine but smells fucking awful

[chaos-coming]

I fucking hate the smell of frying bacon.

My roommate came in the kitchen and started frying bacon while i was cooking and now my clothes and hair smell like fucking bacon i am Not Happy

[missymurphy1985]

The Massage (Cillian Murphy One Shot)

Request? Yep!

Warning - SMUT!!!

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone

"He was such an asshole!! Barking orders at me like I'm his fucking SLAVE!!" You cried, flopping onto Cillian's sofa dramatically. He came through from the kitchen with a bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring you a glass and sitting next to you on the sofa.

You quickly sunk the first glass without stopping, making Cillian nearly choke on his first sip. You'd left the pub fifteen minutes earlier, already well on your way to incoherent.

"Fucking hell y/n, you'll need carrying home at this rate!"

"I don't care. This week can go to hell! First I end up on the WORST blind date of my life, no thanks to YOU and your god awful taste in men - "

"Hey now, first off I don't have a 'taste in men', and secondly I thought you'd be a good match!"

"He had to be escorted out of the restaurant after threatening to have the waiter beaten up for overcooking his steak, Cillian."

"Yeah... Okay fair comment and my bad..."

"I'm staying single FOREVER. Then my new boss decides that I like doing the work of THREE people, including him, and working through my lunch breaks, just so he can reap the credit for the whole fucking thing!! My feet are agony!!"

"I told you to come work for me, didn't I? I need someone to manage my appointments and affairs, you'd be perfect at it!"

"I don't mix business with friendship Cillian, you know that." Another glass of wine, very quickly taking a gulp from it. The alcohol hitting your empty stomach and the drunk feeling it came with feeling utterly blissful after the hellish week you'd had.

Without speaking, he lifted your feet onto his legs and took your heels off, resting his hands on your ankles.

"All done now - time to relax, although you seem pretty relaxed right now!" He squeezed your ankles gently, emitting a groan from you.

"Fuck... Do that again, please?" You asked, as he raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I've been on my feet for hours running round after that stuck up prick..." You wiggled your aching feet in his lap and he chuckled, taking your left foot in his hands and massaging it softly, easing the tension in you instantly.

Your right foot rested on his thigh as he worked magic on your heel and toes of the left one. You moved to lie against the arm of the sofa, relaxing into the large cushions with your refilled wine in one hand. The other resting on your stomach.

"That... Feels... Amazing...." You sighed as he got to work a little harder on the balls of your feet.

"You leaving any of that wine for me or shall I grab another bottle?" He laughed, glancing at the near empty bottle on the coffee table.

"Don't even think about moving Cill," you glared. Closing your eyes again, you couldn't help but let out a deep groan as his hands massaged you perfectly. You didn't notice him clearing his throat and shifting his body underneath your left leg.

"Feels so good... Don't stop..." You couldn't hear his breathing becoming shallow. Your eyes closed, you didn't see him biting his lip and looking up to the ceiling trying to distract himself. You suddenly switched your feet, your right one coming up to meet his hands and tried to bring your left one down to his lap but he held them both in place, trying to massage them both at the same time.

"Cill, one at a time is so much better.." you rolled your eyes watching him try and massage both and stifled a giggle when he dropped your left foot into his lap.

"Ah... Fuck..." He gasped, jumping slightly. You gasped too when you realised what your left foot had landed on.

"Cillian?" Your eyes widened as he moved your feet and oulled a cushion over his lap, holding his eyes closed with his fingers.

"Fuck sake... I'm sorry okay, it's just.. it's been a while and you were making those noises and... Fucking hell..." You bit your lip as you considered your options.

Yes, he was your best friend.

Yes, you'd been his best friend since his early days in theatre.

Yes, he was impossibly attractive.

Yes, you wanted to fuck him.

Deal done.

You moved quickly, pushing the cushion off his lap and kneeling next to him, your face inches away from his and your eyes locked together.

"I can help you with that, if you like?" You smiled, running a hand over the significant bulge in his trousers. He pulled your hand away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, do you?"

"Why not?"

"You're drunk, for a start!"

"Come on Cillian, it's just a friend helping a friend in need, yeah? And you're clearly in need..." You returned your hand to his erection and squeezed it through the fabric making him hiss.

"Friends aren't supposed to..."

"Aren't supposed to, what?" Your lips at his ear as you pulled the button and zip down on his trousers, his hips as you pulled them down to just above his bent knees.

"Turn each other on..."

"Well you've been turning me on for years Cillian." Grasping his thick cock in your hand, squeezing the tip and the base gently, he groaned, closing his eyes and giving in to the feeling of your hand wrapped around him. His right arm hung over your shoulders, his left hand on top of your on his hardness, guiding you to what he needed.

"So you like it being squeezed, do you?" You whispered. He nodded, his eyes watching your hand move on its own now, his mouth open, breathing heavily.

It wasn't long before his orgasm built - your hand clamped around him sending him soaring to the edge. You pumped your hand quicker, squeezed tighter.

"That's it... Fuck that's exactly it... Holy shit y/n...." His words coming out in gasps, his hips thrusting up into your hand as he gripped your hair, pulling your head back and latching onto your lips with his own. You pulled away.

"Don't hide those moans from me, I wanna hear them all..." You smiled, pumping him harder and faster, milking him as he groaned, and the first few spurts left his cock, his body jerking as he came over his stomach and your hand.

You slowed your movements as he came down from his high, his head resting back on the sofa. You felt a sudden gurgle in the pit of your stomach, and before he had time to react you ran to the bathroom - the alcoholic contents of the evenings beverages violently leaving your body into Cillian's downstairs toilet.

************************************************************

You woke the next morning in his spare room - your head was pounding. You made a silent vow, promising to all that was holy that you would never touch another cocktail, glass of wine, or spirit ever again. The night before was hazy - you remembered stumbling into Cillian's Dublin townhouse with a bottle of wine... And that was it.

The smell of bacon downstairs lured you, and you slowly edged out of bed, throwing on the dressing gown you always kept at his house and headed downstairs. A coffee, paracetamol and pint of water waited for you on the kitchen table, followed by a bacon sandwich.

"You passed out in the toilet - I cleaned you up as best I could but you were, erm, yeah you were a mess y/n. Showering you wasn't easy." He chuckled, before taking a sip of his coffee and eyeing you weirdly.

"Thanks for this Cill... I'm so sorry about last night..."

"Don't be, it's fine - we can just put it behind us yeah?" He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked to the floor.

"It's not like it's the first time it's happened Cill?"

"Well I certainly don't remember it happening before y/n?"

"You're kidding me, right? It happened three weeks ago!"

"I think I'd remember my best friend giving me a handjob three weeks ago y/n?"

Your eyes widened - what the fuck did he just say? He caught your expression and his mouth dropped.

"Fuck... You don't remember do you..." He asked. You scrunched your eyes closed, trying to think back to the night before... The memory was cloudy... But...

"Oh my god.... Oh Cillian... Shit... I'm sorry!!!" You stood up, your hangover however getting the better of you and you quickly sat back down. You could see the cogs turning in Cillian's mind, almost like he was having some kind of internal debate with himself.

"Do you remember what you said to me?"

"Bits of it..." He moved closer, leaning on the table next to you.

"Drunken rambling? Or did you mean it?" You looked up at him, knowing exactly what he was talking about and looking to the floor, your cheeks changing from grey to a deep crimson. He nodded, and lifted you up slowly to stand in front of him.

"I know an incredible hangover cure, if you need one. Just call it one friend helping another... In need. Yeah?" He smirked, his hands on your waist pulling you into the hallway and up the stairs.

"Cillian..."

"Shh... Just trust me..." He opened his bedroom door and walked you over to the bed. Backing you up til your knees hit it, he untied your dressing gown and threw it aside, his eyes admiring your now naked body.

"You put me to bed with no clothes on..."

"I had to wrestle you in the shower washing your fucking hair y/n, I'd lost the will to live at that point," he smiled, pushing you onto the bed and opening your legs.

"Cillian what are you doing?" Your mind was whirring at 100miles per hour.

"I'm about to make you scream my name while my tongue is pressed against your clit, my fingers are going to push you over the edge, and then I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk straight." You mouth hung open at his deadpan statement and before you had time to react his mouth went to work - no build up, no foreplay, straight onto your clit making you cry out from the shock and extreme pleasure coursing through your body.

The man had skills - his tongue rolled your clit around, sucking and occasionally nibbling at it, as he pushed a finger inside you, immediately finding that small bundle of nerves and pressing against it.

"Fuck!! Shit... Cillian there... God don't stop... Please!" You felt him chuckle against your core, his eyes looking up at your arched body through his long eyelashes. You were gripping the bed sheets for dear life, his tongue ripping sensations from you that you'd never experienced before.

His mouth never left your core once, you found yourself writhing against him like a woman possessed.

"You taste incredible... You gonna cum for me, riding my face like that?" He returned to his work, eating at you like you were his last meal.

"Cillian... Fuck I'm coming... Oh god yes..." Your back arched again as you came over his tongue, his fingers fucking your g spot hard and fast, prolonging your pleasure as much as possible. His fingers removed briefly as he pulled his clothes off, you heard a drawer slide open, and a foil packet being ripped. Before you had time to refocus, you felt him enter you, your legs being lifted up to your sides as he rested his body on top of yours, starting a slow rhythm thrusting into you.

"So fucking tight y/n... So fucking good...." Your legs wrapped around his waist as he eased in and out, his forehead resting on top of yours as your eyes locked together. You could lose yourself in those eyes. Reaching up to cup his cheeks, you leaned forward and captured his lips in yours. Your lips molding together, he slipped his tongue into your mouth, both of your groaning against each other as his thrusts picked up in speed and force.

"Rail me into this bed, Cillian...." You groaned. He raised his body off you and lifted your hips, his knees underneath them giving you leverage. Your legs raised in the air, held in place by his arms as he pounded into you, the angle catching your still sensitive spot deep inside with expert precision.

"Y/n... I need you to cum..." He panted, your hand quickly moving to your clit where you massaged it hard, desperate for another release.

His facial expressions as he fucked you were perfection - the way his eyes scrunched closed... The silent O of his mouth hanging open, the breathy pants and moans coming from him... You came hard and quickly over him, your legs shaking from the new force he fucked you with.

"Gonna cum... Fuck... fuck... fuck..." Three hard thrusts into you and he shot his load into the condom, releasing your legs and falling onto you, both of you panting from the exertion.

He pulled out slowly, discarding the condom, and pulled you under the duvet with him, holding you close under his arm. You wrapped your body as close as you could to his, your legs tangled together.

"Explain something to me y/n..." He asked, kissing the top of your head.

"Mhmm..." You sighed, snuggled into his chest as you eyelids grew heavier.

"Why's it taken us so long to do this, huh?"

"I have no idea... But we ARE doing it again, right?"

"Every day for the rest of our fucking lives baby." He linked his hand in yours as you both drifted off into a deep sleep, both of you knowing this was only the beginning for you both.

[seostudios]

mark’s dad.

pairing: johnny x fem!readr

genre: fluff + smut (like little angst) info: dilf!johnny, son!mark, best-friend!mark, aged-up!johnny warnings: age gap, unprotected sex, masturbation (fem) wc: 2.1k

note: hi i wrote this on my phone at like 1-3 in the morning... sorry if it’s bad but i wanted to put out something! i hope you guys enjoy it though cause dilf!johnny is so sexy

i think my son ditched you for haechan today, dear.” mr.suh informed you as you stood respectively in front of him, wearing an oversized sweater and basketball shorts. “aw man, i drove all this way for a movie with mark, and he ditched me for his other best friend...” you quietly sneer, the obvious jealously making an appearance. johnny chuckled, hands resting on his hips. he felt bad you came all this way for a simple movie night. “how about this?” your eyes look up, to the terrifyingly good looking man. “i will treat you to a movie and popcorn!” he suggested, knowing very damn well he’s going out of his way to possibly spend time with his son’s best friend, who he has known since they were sewed to the hip in sophomore year, now in university. “i-i don’t think that’s be appropriate,” “why? because i’d like to spend time and get to know the friend and possible love interest of my son? i don’t see any harm in that. i’ll get my coat.” he quickly responded, saving himself.

you knew he said you’d watch a movie together but you didn’t expect to get yourself two tickets to go watch a movie at an actual theatre. “that was amazing mr.suh-“ johnny looks down at your tiny figure holding the popcorn, “-i mean johnny!” if you’re being honest now, it was really nice getting to know johnny, besides the age difference and the possible complications with your amazing friendship with his son, you liked him. making your way over to his car, you listen on as he rambles about how he hasn’t this much of an outing since mark was in high school. “now he’s clinging onto me like we’re dudes, like i’m his dad not his bro.” he laughed, starting the car. “that’s so sweet though!! my mom never gave an effort to trying to be my friend even when i tried,” although you kind of party pooped the mood, you can literally reverse uno it right there. “but whatever!! she still brings me shopping which is good enough,”

nearing midnight and you know god damn well your mom would’ve killed you if she knew you took a taxi home alone in the middle of the night. johnny picked up on this, and even if he saw you in a new light today, a light which could possibly ruin his relationship with his son and a possible one with you, he couldn’t have let you home alone. “you know what? marks sleeping over at haechan’s anyway. i’ll call your mom and tell her you should stay over.” nodding, you let yourself in and up into his (messy) bedroom.

“hope you enjoy peanut butter and jelly for dinner, i kind of forgot to buy groceries...” johnny said handing you a plate of mini sandwiches. you mutter a quick thanks before digging in. tonight you saw johnny not as mr.suh but as johnny, the hot ass mother fucking dilf of the neighbourhood. you thought you were just a regular teenager to him, but you thought wrong. feeling his gaze on your exposed neck, lips. how his breathing would quicken whenever you leaned in to grab another sandwich. “wanna watch america’s got talent?” you asked pointing towards the couch. he shrugs agreeing, “why not?”

you had insisted on cleaning the dishes, i mean it was the least you could do. “so what’s the point of this whole show? to humiliate people or actually scout out people?!” johnny questioned staring at the screen, not noticing how you went from being on opposite ends of the couch to being almost inches away. should you initiate something? no, that would be overstepping into something erasable.

“this is so wrong,” you tell yourself before abruptly standing up. johnny turns his attention to you, trying to foreshadow your next moves. however, he didn’t expect for you to turn back around and straddle on his lap, “whoa..” he said, gripping onto your hips. “i want you.” his mind goes blur momentarily, “i-i cant, your my son’s best friend...” god, you looked so hot with your shorts bunched up as far as they could as you slowly grinder down onto his (huge) clothed cock. “fu..fuck,” he moans aloud, pushing all thoughts aside except for the one that kept telling him to ruin you tonight. the night was going better than planned, since you were in straddled on a topless johnny with only your bra and shorts on... probably a good twenty five minutes into kiss play, but mark chose the best time to unintentionally cockblock you and his dad. “y/n!!”mark shouted through the phone loud enough for johnny to hear (and the speaker wasn’t even on!) “yes markie?” you cooed, using one hand to speak on the phone and the other to signal johnny to keep it quiet. your hands trailed overtop your breasts, cupping them through your bra and pinching your hardened nipples, soon bringing your cold fingers down to the waistband of your shorts. “it’s fine. we can always watch a movie next weekend, i literally see you everyday! go hang out with hyuck,” you encouraged. past the waistband and under the hello kitty panties your hand comes in contact with your sensitive (dripping) folds. “a-ah, m..mark i gotta go...” “are you getting laid or something? i’m out.” he quickly ends the phone and you made sure to turn on ‘do not disturb’ incase he calls again.

“go on, i’ll watch.” johnny said seductively observing you as you toyed with your sensitive clot. “i’m close johnny!” you quietly moan into his ear, rubbing faster. “cum on your fingers, now.” he ordered, feeling you twitch underneath him, grinding as you had an orgasm. “dirty girl...” he groans watching you pull your fingers up to suck dry. now, you were a filthy girl, tasting yourself without being told to, cumming in your panties which you knew damn might have to force you to go commando tonight in marks bed. it was like a slap in the face when johnny lifted you up to stand, “it’s late. i- we should head to bed... i can give you some new shorts... since you know,” he quickly stammered before swiping his shirt off the floor, heading upstairs.

it was almost nine in the morning when you woke up, you knew johnny woke up around seven to eight so the sizzling smell of bacon wasn’t just some evil mind games. after last night, you felt, intense shame and guilt. did you seriously just betray your best friend for a lousy orgasm you could’ve done alone in the bathroom. “your up! i made breakfast, go ahead and dig in, i’m just gonna be cleaning up my bedroom.” he sounded as if you didn’t cum all over his lap not even 12 hours ago, but i guess he shouldn’t dwell in the past especially this time.

“mr.suh! my mom’s here! thank you... goodbye!” you shout from the front door. “anytime! bye!” he replies before you jolt out the door.

it’s been a couple days and johnny hasn’t left your mind. you always think about what stopped him, was it the age? your friendship with mark? that fucking phone call? johnny and you that night was like no other, you saw him for johnny, not mr.suh and it made your panties soak at every thought. how his ink black hair is always combed and in the most attractive middle part, how his broad should could feel when you hold yourself while being railed by his enormous cock. it was big, would it even fit? you’ve been with men before but the bulge you felt poking you in then thigh was something else compared to the other men.

you roamed his mind freely too. spending his day drinking hours, pondering over you, will you just slap him in the face and let him know you want him and you don’t care? he hopes. but it’s wrong. “dad! y/n’s coming over to study today,” mark shouted running down the stairs to his father. “so don’t snatch her up and take her away for a movie date, we got an exam this monday.” he said nonchalantly, the mention of their little outing slipping oh too casually. “w-what?” he asked surprised. “yeah yeah, i know about your little date and hook up” “- we didn’t hook up.” johnny interrupted, “well whatever you were doing for her to end my phone call like that,” he goes to the fridge to grab some milk, “so...” johnny said, eager on his son’s say on this. “so..? do you want me to be mad, dad?” i was lying if i said johnny was chill now... “no!!!!” he shouted, which earns a couple laughs from mark. “hey, dad,” mark sits down infront of his father. “it’s okay, y/n probably likes you back so you can do whatever you want with her, except hurt her cause i’ll kill you.” he deadpans before letting him off with a laugh. “so she can be your new mom for all you care?” he asked, playfully of course, waiting for the “hell no” and “what the fuck dad?!” to come but... “i mean she bags and tells me what to do, she helps me with school, laundry and chicks so... i don’t see why not,”

ding ding ding ding ding ding now what? hopping off the bean bag you were binge watching the office on, you head over to the door, not caring what you look like, just shut up to whoever had the audacity to spam a doorbell. “hello?!” you look up, “hey y/n,” johnny said with a small daisy in his hand.

“let me be your boyfriend,”

“what about mark?” you asked, staring at your feet wiggle in anticipation. hoping he’d tell you he doesn’t care and we could do whatever we wanted to. “funny you asked, he said for all he cares you could be his step mom.” you threw your head back laughing “he what?! no he didn’t....” the laughter dies down soon enough to get back to seriously listening in on what he has to say but did mark really not care? “your girlfriend huh?” you asked, raising a brow. he nodded. johnny proceeds to take the daisy and place it behind your ear, “you look like shit, but that is sexy as fuck.” he said, caressing your cheek before leaning in to place a peck on your lips.

“i don’t get why you drove half an hour here to say that, when i was already coming over to study.” you tell your boyfriend, johnny, as your backs his mattress. it was seriously an eventful day, wasn’t it? “i thought i should be romantic,” he shrugged turning to his side to wrap his large arms around your waist pulling you in closer. “i like this...” he mumbled into your hair, slowly drifting off to sleep.

“are you falling asleep?! we need to leave in ten minutes!!” you shouted, attempting to free yourself from his hold but he was knocked out and not letting go any time soon. “i hate you.” “i think it’s the quiet opposite y/n dear,” he replied, burying himself in the blanket, bringing you with him. “now let’s take a quick nap, mark can wait,” you sigh in defeat, “okay fine... twenty minutes!”

five months later, and you couldn’t believe having a relationship with your best friends dad was oddly working out perfectly. “johnny! fuck! baby your so good!” you whine as he penetrates into you against the wall. your legs wrapped around his waist as his cock rubs around your g-spot stimulating you into your third orgasm of that night. mark had recently gone travelling with jeno for fun so that meant you and johnny could’ve have your own fun in the empty house. “you can cum for me one more time can’t you?” he begged, placing you on the kitchen counter, kissing down your stomach. “answer me...” he sucks harhly on your clit. “yes! i can!!” you whined, squirming feeling johnny licking up your juicie; which sure as hell was mixed with his own cum, lapping his tongue around until you were shaking under his mouth and curling your toes to his mouth’s magic. “i’m- i’m cumming!!” you scream, releasing your juices onto the man’s face. “my favourite meal of the day.” he playfully joked before pinching your nipple. “tired?” he asked, as if he hadn’t been using you as a cum dump for hours. “mhm,” you reply opening your arms for him to carry you up, because “no way in hell am i walking up the stairs today after being railed by a monster cock.” you said snorting with a laugh. nonetheless, johnny swoops you up and gracefully carried you up and into his bed, “we can clean up tomorrow, let’s sleep now.” he said, feeling you wrap around him like a koala. “mmm goodnight... i love you,” you said in the crock of his neck, right below his ear before drifting off, “love you too,”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #422

“i will not become a figure of my mistakes  /  i will not become the mask that is not my face”

Have you ever been told you were a good writer? I've been told that's one of my "gifts." What do you put on your baked potatoes? Butter, American cheese, and bacon bits. Gooood shit. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab Smolders play Parasite Eve. Love that game to bits, and I really enjoy how she has a legitimate appreciation for it despite its age. It's so great watching her fall in love with a game she knew nothing about. Did you ever have braces? Yes. Are you afraid of flying? I acknowledge the risks of it, but I don't really actively fear it. Are you short? No; I'm your average height for an American woman of my age. Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? No. Would you want your future children to date someone like you as a teenager? I was a fine teenager, so sure. Are you unhappy at the moment? That's quite the understatement. When’s the last time you got in trouble with your parents? *shrug* How many children do you want? None. It's funny though, I had a dream last night that I gave birth to a daughter I of course named Alessandra. Have you ever watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians? No. Do you have any career ideas in mind? I have no desire to talk about this right now. Do you have any gay friends? Yeah. Are you gay yourself? I'm bi. Are you doing anything this weekend? Of course I'm not. But that's a surprise to nobody. How many brothers do you have? One. Do you like Mexican food? Only very few things. What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Oh man. Some are family pets more than hers, but regardless, there's Buster, Beasley, Winter, Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Jane Marie, Doris, Raisha, and a bunch of other fish. Did you go to work today? I don’t have a job. .-. How old are you? How old do you act? 25. I think mentally I'm capable of acting older, but as far as "being an adult" goes, taking care of mature responsibilities, I'm a child. What size shoe do you wear? I... haven't worn anything but flipflops in so long that I barely know. I want to say an 8? 7 1/2 depending on the shoe? Are there any spiders in your room right now? I dunno. What was your favorite class during your sophomore year of high school? Art, for sure. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. Are there any framed pictures of you in your house? With my sisters, yes. Do you wear bandanas in your hair? No. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not interested. Do you need to shave? My legs look like a gorilla's. My armpits, slightly. I shave them every time I shower, so I'll shave them soon. Are you wearing makeup right now? No. I never do nowadays. Do you know anyone named Laura? Not off the top of my head. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? A few things. How many living grandparents do you still have? None. What are your plans for the rest of the day? Nothing, really. I hope I read today, though. I haven't the past couple days and I refuse to totally lose my habit of it again. How many times have you been sick this year? None. What colour is your toothbrush? White. Do you have a favourite author? No. How long do you usually take in the shower? Barely even 10 minutes. I do nooot understand how some people take so long. Clean yourself, get out. Like I get it if you're shaving or doing "extra" stuff besides washing your hair and body, but generally, how???? Have you ever worked in an office? No, but as I prepare to job search again, that's what I'm aiming for, I guess. It sounds like something I (including my legs, given I'd be sitting) could possibly handle. But yeah, you need experience in absolutely everything nowadays to get any job, it seems. Have you ever stayed in a hotel without your parents or older relatives? Yes. Have you ever kissed anyone under the mistletoe? I actually don't think I have. What’s your go-to activity when you’re bored? Watch YouTube. Who was the last person you texted? The lady who works in my psychiatrist's office to verify my next appointment date. Do you see yourself married in the next five years? Probably not, really. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Barely over five minutes, or less, depending on what I have to do. Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? No. Have you changed much this year? I haven't changed at all. And that's not a good thing. Is there a girl that you truly hate? A corner of my mind says yes. Even though I have no right to. Do you have any candles in your room? No, but I do have a wax warmer. Have you ever had to dial 911 before? A couple times for Mom. What’s something in your past that you’ll always remember? I'm almost certain even dementia couldn't take away my memory of the breakup. Did you have a good birthday this year? Yeah, it was good. How many people have told you they were in love with you? Two. Do you find smoking unattractive? Yes. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I eat way too fast, but I literally can't figure out how to change it. I try to slow down, but it just... doesn't stick. It's so engrained in me as a habit. Do you remember how you felt on 9/11? I was too young to remember this. What do you think of people who always wear make-up? You go for it, you look great. What’s a smell that absolutely makes you gag? Severely decaying roadkill is very high on the list. Is there a smell that gives you headaches? Gasoline. What about one that reminds you of the past? Play-Doh, for one. Childhood things like that. Also like those really fruity lip glosses, etc. What’s your least favorite thing about summer? The fucking heat and humidity. What’s your least favorite thing about the holiday season? The knowledge I don't have the money to buy like anyone presents. Especially my niece and nephew. Mom helps me buy something for them, but still... I feel like such a bad aunt that I can't do it myself. Other than yourself, who knows you the best? Whoever reads these, probably, ha ha. Do you have any embarrassing qualities and, if so, what are they? I'm just awkward in general. What’s one complaint that you have about school? Common Core. It's awful. What do you do while you’re on campus but not in class? I would just go to the library and do stuff on my laptop. Do you know anyone who has Autism/Asperger’s syndrome? Yes. It's questionable that I myself may have high-functioning autism. Has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you? Yeah. Are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not? Yes, because I'm bisexual. Have you ever dressed like or worn clothing belonging to the opposite sex? I would wear Jason's pj pants sometimes. Have you ever found yourself to be ugly? I've always believed I'm ugly. Have you read the Twilight series and do you like it or dislike it? I never read the series or watched the movies. Have you been on any type of online messengers today? I've used Discord to message Sara. What is your state’s minimum wage? $7.25 an hour. Disgusting. Do you own a tablet of any kind? No. If you eat eggs, how do you eat them? I only enjoy scrambled eggs or omelettes. When you’re upset, do you vent to people or do you keep to yourself? Nowadays, I tend to keep it to myself or vent through surveys. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No, but I would love to. Do you like Slim Jims? OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSSSS. I want one now. What’s your opinion on the color turquoise? I think it's very pretty. Have you ever been in a castle? Only the Disney World one. When you were little, did you ever play with Play-Doh? Of course! I loved doing that. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Hm... probably a love story. Are you afraid of getting shots? Kind of. I just hate the feeling of the medicine being injected, and long needles puncturing skin makes me want to squirm a bit. Needles in general though, I'm not afraid of. Would you ever run away and get married with no notifications to your family? Uh, no. I'm close with my immediate family and would want them to know. Have you ever wanted to vlog? Noooo. My life is so very boring, not to mention I would feel WAY too awkward. Who was the last person who unexpectedly texted you? No one unexpectedly texts me. Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible? Some of it. Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? Many times. Do thunder & storms scare you? Actually, since I started having recurring tornado nightmares, I started to sort of fear them again. What are two foods you think only taste good with whipped cream? I hate whipped cream. If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? Cheeseburgers. Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way? No. Did your last significant other have a huge temper? No. Would you ever think about doing porn? NOOOOOOOOO, even if I was in good shape. Would you ever cheat on someone if they cheated on you? No. That's not going to fix anything. Do you like getting jewelry or do you not wear any? I don't mind it, but I don't really wear it. When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? Once or twice. He was a... troubled kid. Did/Do you get school cancellations because of snow? Oh yes. My area flips shit if there's even a risk of like an inch of snow. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Do you eat dinner with your family every night? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? No, not really. That would be fucking awful. There's no way I'd be able to raise it. Have you used Limewire before? Back in the day. Are you/Were you in a band? If so, what was your band name? No. Have you ever tried cocaine or heroin? No thanks. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. I'd wear one, though. Have you ever dyed your hair light auburn? No. Ever had ice cream dots? Dippin' Dots? Yes. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? No. Would you ever go to Japan? I'd like to. Have you ever been in a choir? When I was a kid in Catholic school, yes. What did you eat for breakfast today? Honey Nut Cheerios. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? Preferably never.

[lovelyirony]

Could I get some Stony and/or BuckyNat domestic, flufftastic headcanons? I am in desperate need.

for u, my sweet anon, u get both 

Stony: 

-they have the cutest bickering??? like it’s not serious but it’s because steve is a dumbass and he’s like 

“Hey dinosaurs are big chickens” 

“I hate you for mentioning that? I am eating my good dinner right now? The bacon-wrapped steak?” 

“But like…what if they still existed” 

“what if you knew that I hate you? a lot?” And Steve just laughs and kisses Tony on the cheek and says the argument isn’t over. 

-steve in oversized sweaters is just…..oh m ygod 

-tony loves watching steve paint and sometimes he’ll join in and steve secretly loves seeing tony in the open room, sunlight surrounding him, and golden paint and red smearing his cheeks (because if anything, he’s making his schematics a lot fancier) 

-steve and tony both love fresh flowers and get them delivered every single week 

-their communication skills? while not always the best, they both know details about the other. tony knows that steve hates the smell of basil, and steve knows tony’s order for italian and chinese by heart, including adding the extra soy sauce 

-tony’s idea of falling asleep is watching true crime documentaries bc on forensic files he just…he passes the fuck out and steve hates true crime so much 

-but steve likes those early-morning-white-suburban-mom cooking shows and sometimes gets inspired and tries to make an extra breakfast

steve fails 

horribly

-but he tries and so does tony 

-they always sleep together, even though tony starfishes on the bed and steve always ends up nearly choking him because “it’s not my fault you’re like, an elf” 

“I’m not an elf you take that back” 

“Sorry gargoyle” 

“…BITCH” 

BuckyNat

-bucky will legitimately kill someone if he has to wake up before nine. he hates it. a lot. 

-nat is a morning person, who likes to be up with the sun, make herself coffee, and watch everything

-because of this, bucky has forced himself to get a better internal clock so he’ll wake up

-he looks like a grumpy cat/actual demon, which is fine by nat (who still thinks he’s quite cute) 

-natasha’s texts are always so fuckin cryptic and weird and goofy like she texts bucky “the moon no longer shines” and he just responds 

“you coulda just told me we were out of milk babe” 

-bucky sends gifs. a lot. but natasha thinks they’re hilarious bc he tries to find the weirdest ones. 

-they go thrift shopping together to get awful house decorations bc it makes thor want to murder them but he can’t due to societal standards (but god does he bitch to bruce about it) 

-with these thrift shopping adventures comes: bucky’s many, many polyester shirts. so many. too many. 

-nat has like, a million grandma sweaters and a ton of funky eighties barettes that only look good on her 

-they both have the same, godawful taste in music. all shit hits of the 90s and 80s but occasionally good taste 

-they dance to any music. they take classes 

-natasha hates yoga, bucky loves it and makes friends with bruce this way 

-however, nat and sam are also Best Friends, which is an endless source of amusement 

-they both live for the small moments. whether it’s bucky getting natasha a simple daffodil or natasha tucking a strand of hair into his bun so he looks more presentable at the awards shows, it’s nice 

-speaking of awards show, they slay at any red carpet. seriously. it’s a trend. 

[waywardrose13]

The Hunter Diaries- Chapter One

Pairing: Dean x Plus Size!Reader Word Count- 2068 Warnings- Language, self doubt, self image issues 

Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester had been your best friends for as long as you could remember. Being Bobby Singer’s adoptive daughter, it was sort of inevitable to know the brothers. You knew you’ve had a crush on the elder brother for a long time, but you always thought nothing would happen between the two of you. You’re not the picture perfect model and you aren’t the image every girl strives to be. But maybe, just maybe, you were wrong, and he would like you too.

SERIES TAGS, CHARACTER TAGS, FOREVER TAGS AND REQUESTS FOR FICS ARE OPEN! SEND ME AN ASK!

A/N- Here it is guys! Finally! I’m so freaking excited for this series. I’m still not 100% happy with this chapter but it’s the best I got. The other chapters will be better, the first chapter is always the hardest for me. Alright nerds, I hope you enjoy! Love y’all:)

Dear Diary,

Today was no different than yesterday. The same trees outside my window and the same cloud over my head. With Carter’s death hanging over me, I can’t help but feel worthless. It was my fault, no matter what dad says. I should have been there for her but I wasn’t. Now she’s dead because of me.

Your eyes began to tear at the thought of your best friend’s death. It’s been a week since you watched the flames engulf her pixie like body, and everyday you felt even worse, everyday another bottle or two of whisky stashed underneath your bed to hide them from your dad. He repeatedly told you it wasn’t your fault. But how were you supposed to believe that when she was killed by the demon who killed your biological parents, the demon who’d been tracking you for the last twenty-one years.

You slammed the leather bound diary closed and tossed it onto your bedside table. You were currently propped up against the headboard of your bed, staring outside into the cloudy day. You hadn’t left your bedroom for much, only to use the bathroom and get more booze. You hadn’t eaten in the last two and a half days and your stomach growled violently.

The smell of bacon and pancakes wafted up from the kitchen and you sighed. He never cooked. He was doing this for you.

You rolled out of bed and padded over to your door, opening it and stepping out into the hall, the smell even more prominent. You made your way down stairs and into the kitchen where your adoptive father, Bobby Singer, was at the stove flipping pancakes.

“Dad?” You rasped. Your throat was dry and your voice was hoarse due to lack of use over the past week. Bobby turned to look at you, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Hey, birdy,” He said. You smiled slightly when he called you by your nickname and went over to the small table. He brought a plate over to you and set it down in front of you. “It’s nice to see you up and around.”

“Yeah,” You mumbled. You took a bite of the fluffy pancake on your plate and moaned at the taste. Bobby chuckled and made his way back to the stove. He soon joined you and the two of you ate in a comfortable silence, the only sound the low hum of the rain pelting the world outside.

“So,” Bobby said clearing his throat. You looked up from your plate and raised an eyebrow. “The boys are coming over. They’ll be staying with us for awhile.”

“Really?” You asked.

“Yeah. That’s alright with you?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah! Totally. I haven’t seen them in forever.” You smiled. You hadn’t seen your best friends in over a year. Whenever they’d drop by, you’d always end up being on a hunt with Carter. But you were finally going to see them. See him. Your heart swelled at the thought of the green eyed hunter and you found yourself genuinely smiling while you ate.

After breakfast, you went upstairs to take a quick shower and get ready for the day. You weren’t planning on going anywhere but the brothers would be at the house in a little less than two hours.

You washed and conditioned your hair, scrubbed your skin until it was pink and smelled of your lavender soap and shaved your legs. You stayed in the shower for longer than you needed to, allowing the scalding water to run over your muscles and loosen the tense knots.

It felt good, to actually look forward to something after a week of moping around. You were usually the smiling, kind hearted person in the house. The one who could cheer someone up with a single smile or make someone smile when you laughed. You automatically lit up the room with your personality, a trait Carter loved in you. But you hadn’t been that person lately.

You stepped out of the spray once it turned cold and wrapped yourself in a towel. Slipping back into your room across the hall from the bathroom, you flipped on the radio and began getting dressed into your outfit for the day.

You brushed and dried your long, Y/H/C hair, pulling it up into a ponytail at the crown of your head. You applied light makeup and took a peek in the mirror, frowning slightly at what you saw.

You crossed your arms around your middle, trying to find a way to hide how your shirt clung a little too tightly around your hips. You tried hiding one leg behind the other to see if that would help make your thighs appear smaller. It didn’t.

You were incredibly self conscience of the way you looked. You never were one of the “smaller” girls. You hated doing it, but you often compared yourself to Carter. She was small, with a flat stomach and slim legs. Your thighs were a bit too big and your hips were a little wider than you’d like. Not to mention the feeling you’d get when you saw the man you’d fallen in love with years ago flirt with other girls. Girls who were skinny, pretty and model material.

You sighed and shifted uncomfortably under your own gaze. Did you really think you’d have a chance with him? Honestly, you weren't sure. You’d like to think he wasn’t all about looks. And to be frank, you weren’t bad looking. Actually, you were a very attractive woman. It was just your body men didn’t like.

The doorbell rang, pulling you out of your thoughts. Your heart fluttered in excitement and you immediately headed to your door. Throwing it open, you stepped out into the hallway and bounded down the stairs.

“Hey, Bobby,” Dean’s voice echoed. You smiled at the sound and rounded the corner to see your dad and Dean embracing each other.

“How are you boys?” Bobby asked. He moved to Sam next.

“Not bad,” Sam said. “You?”

“I’m fine,” Bobby said.

“Guys!” You exclaimed. Dean’s head snapped up at the sound of your voice.

A smile spread itself on Dean’s face and he rushed over to you, engulfing you in his embrace.

“God, I’ve missed you, Y/N/N,” He sighed. He kissed the top of your head and pulled back to smile down at you.

“Ditto,” You smiled.

“Don’t hog her, Dean,” Sam complained. He stepped back to let Sam take his place.

“It’s so good to see you guys,” You said. “You have no idea.”

“Bobby called a few days ago. He told us what happened,” Dean whispered. “I’m so sorry about Carter, Y/N.”  He gave you a sympathetic smile and you sighed.

“Yeah. Me too.”

The night was spent catching up and reminiscing in old times. None of you had brought up Carter the entire night and it was nice to have something to take your mind off her. Being with your dad and the brothers was something that has always made you happy. Being able to laugh and be yourself.

“So, Y/N,” Sam began. You raised a questioning eyebrow at the youngest Winchester. “Anyone special you want to tell us about?”

You laughed and shook your head. “Nope.”

“Aw come on,” He whined. “There’s gotta be somebody.”

“No one,” You said. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Why not?” Dean asked. You shrugged.

“I don’t know,” You answered. “I guess no one is interested. But who would be?” The last words were quiet. You didn’t think anyone heard but you were wrong.

“Bullshit,” Dean growled. Your eyes widened a little at his tone. You looked over at Sam who just shrugged at his brother’s attitude. Everyone was focused on Dean who sat with his arms crossed. “You’re smart, you’re funny and you’re totally hot. Don’t tell me there’s no one interested.”

His words stunned you. You weren’t sure if he was telling the truth or if he was taunting you. He’d never said anything about the way you looked before. Not even to compliment the way you wore your hair one day or a t-shirt with a band he liked on it. He’d never given you two looks, so why the hell did he say that? Maybe it was the alcohol he had consumed. Yeah, that must be it. Because there was no way Dean Winchester could be interested in you.

“You’re drunk, Winchester,” You said. You forced a smile and rolled your eyes. He slumped in his seat and mumbled something under his breath. You didn’t like when people toyed with your feelings. You’ve had enough of that from from people in your past. And coming from Dean, it was just another stab to the heart.

Sam cleared his throat and stood from his position on the couch. “I’m gonna turn in.”

“Yeah, me too.” Bobby yawned. “I’ll see you kids in the a.m.”

As Sam and Bobby made their way to the respective rooms, you stayed seated on the couch across from Dean. He was looking at you, his eyebrows furrowed and his green orbs flitting back and forth across your face.

“Did you really not believe what I said?” He asked suddenly. You looked back at him, your Y/E/C eyes locking with his. You sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions.

“Honestly? No,” You said. He scoffed.

“Why?”

“Look, Dean,” You said. “I’ve had enough people taunt me and I don’t need it coming from you, too.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He demanded. You felt tears prick at the back of your eyes. This was just plain mean.

“You can’t honestly believe that I’d take your words seriously,” You muttered.

“What? Kid, what are you saying?” He squinted at you in confusion.

“Don’t call me that.” You gritted your teeth. You hated when he called you kid. It made you feel weak.

“I’m sorry,” He said. “Now, please tell me what’s going on.”

You fiddled with the bracelet on your wrist. It had been your father’s, a simple leather bracelet with a single tiger’s eye bead. You never took it off, not since he died.

“What you said before,” You began. He cocked an eyebrow and kept his eyes on yours. “It’s hard to believe what you said when you’re… you and I’m me.” Your voice was low and soft, the tears in the back of your eyes betraying you, allowing one to flow down your cheek.

“What do you mean?” He asked. His voice was sincere, which confused you. He really didn’t know what you were talking about.

“I… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” You stood up from the couch and made your way to the stairs.

“Y/N, wait!” Dean called behind you. He leaped up from the couch and towards you. He grasped onto your wrist and spun you around. “Please. Talk to me.”

“What’s the point, Dean? It’s not going to change how I look. It’s not going to change the fact that men don’t like women like me. Women with thick thighs and extra weight.” You said, the tears falling freely now.

“I that what this is about?” He whispered.You looked away, ashamed at what you said. But he cupped your cheek, turning your face to look at him. “Because that’s bullshit.”

“W-what?” You stammered. His face was dead serious, not a hint of sarcasm or bluff.

“You heard me. It’s bullshit and I never want to hear you talking about yourself like that ever again, you got that? You’re gorgeous.” He stressed. You nodded and the corners of his lips raised slightly. “Good.”

He kissed your forehead, his lips soft against your skin. He pulled away and brushed the baby hairs away from you face.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” He said.

“Goodnight.”

He walked past you and up the stairs, leaving you frozen and confused. What the hell was that? You touched the spot that Dean kissed, the skin still slightly tingly. Your heart was racing in your chest and your eyes were blown wide. You no longer felt that Dean was pulling on your leg. He seemed deadly serious when he said what he said. Maybe what he said was true. But it still seemed unlikely he’d ever want to be with you.

But a girl could dream.

Flawless series tag list:

@volleyballer519

@francezka10

@anime-music-is-life

@super--dale

@diariesofthebeautyobsessed

@weirdoblogger69

Dean/Jensen tags:

@aubreystilinski

Forevers:

@jennalyncarrigan1230

@mogaruke

@kittyk26

SPN tags:

@impatient-witch

[mrandmrsvex]

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III & Vax'ildan, Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role) Characters: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, Vex'ahlia (Critical Role), Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Trinket (Critical Role) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Modern AU Series: Part 4 of thursday nights and friday mornings Summary:

Is there something worse than waking up with a massive hangover? How about doing it in the flat of the girl you've been crushing on, hard, for the past two weeks?

Things can't get anymore awkward between Percy and Vex now. (Not that Vax isn't willing to help.)

 Notes:    You really need to read the previous parts of this series to understand anything. Sorry, I should've made it into chapters, but I messed up first time round and don't know how to fix it now.

[Part 1]

[Part 2]

[Part 3]

Percy woke up to what he could only describe as the weirdest mixture of overstimulating sensations a hungover person could expect. A few moments of blinking, and he was able to at least make out most of them. There was a harsh light shining straight into his eyes, coming from the completely uncovered light bulb hanging from the ceiling. There was loud music blaring somewhere from the right, metallic and shrill from an old radio, accentuated by horribly off-tune whistling from someone. A softer rushing sound of water coming from the left, muffled by walls, and a warmth coming from that direction that seemed to fill the room with thick, dewey air. There was pain in his neck and legs from lying on a couch that was obviously too small and too short for his size.

And amongst all these horrible things to feel and see and hear, there was the wonderful smell of coffee and bacon and eggs. It was enough to make him sit up quick – far too quick for his head, he noticed with a little groan while covering his face with his hands to calm the pounding headache now coming in. He could hear someone walking over and lean on the back of the couch.

When he opened his eyes again, a cup of coffee was hovering in front of him.

„Morning, Freddy. You need some coffee.“

He couldn't agree more and grabbed it quickly. The face that showed up in his vision now was oddly familiar, and without his glasses he almost assumed it to be Vex at first – God knows he'd been seeing her face when it wasn't actually there a lot, lately. And he vaguely remembered seeing her face yesterday night, but that might as well have been a nice, alcohol-induced dream.

A quick squint at the face in front of him made it very clear that it was not her, though, unless she had a bad case of morning stubble, and even the Vex in his imagination most certainly wouldn't have that.

„I'm Vax.“ was all the explanation he got for his confused stare.

„There's two of you?“ His voice was croaky, and it hurt his throat just as much as the loud laughter from Vax hurt his head.

„I promise you I'm nowhere near as bad as my sister. Unless you bother her. Then I'm worse.“ It was phrased like a joke. It sounded entirely too serious.

Percy took a sip of the strongest coffee he'd ever tasted and hesitated, unsure what to say next.

„...My glasses?“

„Table on your left.“ Vax got up from leaning on the couch and sauntered back to the tiny kitchenette right behind it. „Once you're actually awake, there's bacon and scrambled eggs. Sorry, no fried eggs, I always fuck those up. Not that a hungry hungover man like you should complain about free food anyway.“

It took Percy quite a while and a full cup of immensely strong but delicious coffee to get his mind in order again, which was not helped by Vax continuing his awful whistling. By the time he could think clearly, something from the last ten minutes stuck out, and it was not the question where he was or how he got there or why cruel fate had decided it had to be Vex and her brother who found him in that state yesterday. It was something far more simple, yet equally terrifying to him.

„Did you just call me Freddy?“

Vax laughed again. Percy's head was still not liking it.

„Would you rather be awoken with your full title, milord?“ A plate of bacon and eggs appeared over the back of the sofa and softened the very mocking tone.

„How- how did you find out-“

Vax plopped himself down next to Percy on the couch with his own breakfast.

„Don't worry your pretty head, Freddy, Vex still doesn't know. It'll be our little secret.“

„How did you find out.“ He repeated, a bit more sternly.

„Ah, does it really matter? What's much more interesting for me to know – why aren't you using that ridiculous name all the time to throw some weight around? All I've ever heard of you is 'Mr. De Rolo' or 'Percival'. Surely there's some influence hiding behind three surnames that could get you respect.“

„None I deserved.“ He murmured, but Vax still caught it. They continued eating breakfast in awkward silence.

He should probably be concerned about his current situation, Percy thought while picking up a fork full of egg. Hungover and even still somewhat drunk in a random flat, sitting next to the brother of one of his students – of that girl – and pretending like that was a completely normal thing, sharing breakfast with a guy you didn't even know existed until a few moments prior. His mind couldn't focus on the panic his subconscious was already preparing – apart from the headache and sore throat and wonderful food, the humid air coming from the door on their left filled the room with a far too familiar scent that had his mind racing somewhere completely different.

„Where's Vex?“ Percy asked once he'd finished his plate. Vax, his mouth still full, pointed his fork towards the door.

„Bthrm.“ He swallowed. „Bathroom. Not like she'd want to get caught by you in her PJ's and her hair all messed up.“

Percy tried not to imagine it. To be fair, he didn't try very hard.

„Maybe I should leave before she comes out?“ He asked more to himself.

„Oh yeah, because just dissappearing from the flat into which you were graciously invited while being drunk out of your ass without at least thanking your hosts is such a classy exit.“

„It'd certainly be more classy than the bumbling awkwardness that's about to happen if I don't leave.“

„Freddy, my boy, I assume anything you and Vex do is filled with bumbling awkwardness.“ Vax's grin was something only an older brother could have on his face.

Percy wanted to think up a witty retort, but his mind just went completely blank when Vex stepped out of the bathroom at that very second. While not in her pajamas, she was clearly still dressed for comfort, and her usually braided hair hung open and still damp over her shoulders.

„Oh, you're up! Good morning!“ Her voice was chipper, yet somewhat off.

„Yes. I mean. Good morning.“ Percy put down his fork onto the empty plate in front of him. „I really should be getting going, though. Sorry to bother you both so much. Thank you for, uhm, for taking me in.“ The words rushed out faster than he could think. Vax snickering quietly beside him as he stood up to put the dishes away did not help in stopping the bumbling awkwardness he'd predicted.

„Oh. Ok. You don't have to run off immediately, you know.“ Vex gestured behind her. „Bathroom's free, anyway, if you want.“

„No, it's, it's fine, I'll just... I'll go home and get some more sleep, I think.“

„Alright. Your coat's by the door-“

His coat was not by the door, which he noticed when Vex's voice trailed off looking at that direction. It took him longer to notice where exactly his coat had gone – it's difficult to see even a large piece of clothing under 140 pounds of fluffy dog.

„Trinket!“ Vex darted over to the giant Newfoundland dog happily sprawled out in a corner, a piece of blue fabric barely sticking out under his paws. „Bad, Trinket! Don't pull jackets of the coatrack! Get up. Trinket, get up!“

Trinket was not getting up. He licked his jowels, looked up at Vex for a second, then immediately put his head back down and gave a short growl.

„Percival, I'm so sorry.“

„No, it's fine.“ After a morning of full of grumpy hangover facial expressions, the slight smirk on Percy's face felt almost strange. „It's not that cold outside anyway. I'll just...“ He waved his hand towards the front door. „You can bring the coat to next class, I don't mind.“

„Are you sure?“ Vex was still trying to shift the unmoving mass of dog, only eliciting another growling.

„Absolutely. I've got my keys and phone.“ He quickly patted the backpocket of his jeans. „I'll be fine. Don't bother yourself on my behalf.“

„He's not usually this misbehaved.“ Vex's hand ruffled between Trinket's ears. Vax's short laughter from the kitchen made it clear that was a lie, and that he was still very much listening in.

After a few more awkward moments of good byes and promises to bring the coat – cleaned, of course! - to class next week, the door closed behind Percy. Vax sidled up to his sister, almost leaning his head on her shoulder, and whispered.

„Told you his phone was in his pockets.“

The punch to his stomach caused a bacon-scented burp to come up.

Percy stood outside the door for a second, across the railing and steps that led down to the parking lot of the apartment complex. His tense exhale turned into a slight mist in front of him.

„It's not that cold outside.“ He mockingly imitated himself before pushing his hands deep into his pockets and walking off. The cold air was a welcome change for his still pounding head, and to be fair, he would've done or said pretty much anything to get out of this situation as fast as possible.

A few paces down the road, and his partially cleared mind was already racing with regrets. God damn it, he thought, she's seen the worst of it now, there's no way to salvage this. Was there ever a way to salvage their giant mess of interactions before this anyway? He'd hoped, just barely, to make up for the first bumbles somehow, to joke his way past it in the coming weeks, to get them to a point where not every situation was weird and tense and awkward.

After this, though? After her having to carry his drunken ass to her flat, after seeing him in probably the worst state he could be in, after the incredibly ridiculous exit he'd just made?

There was no way, he scolded himself, no way in hell that she'd even consider looking at him as anything other than a complete fuck up.

Or was there?

(other fanfics: -non-AU-)

Percy being a wreck about having babies

Percy being a wreck about protecting his new baby

Proof that his kids are doing just fine with him as a dad