#gonna start eating the lampshade

[blazenhearts]

I joined the fandom right after The Uk vlog was filmed, nearly 2 years ago, and some of the first tweets I saw from dream were about George not editing the vlog yet (but he would dw !!) And I was so excited holy shit I was like !! They meet up that's crazy !! And we waited and waited and waited and then it was revealed that dream didn't go to the uk but that george would edit the footage anyway. And I was so excited because Wilbur and George meet up !! And Dream was on call with them !! It would be fun !! Then George told us we'd probably never see it, but that was okay because !! They've started accepting visa to the US in November !! Then it was Oh my gosh dream team christmas !! Then holy cow dnf are going to be together on valentine's day, then it was Sapnap's going to bring George home with him !! Then it was middle of June meet up !! And now I'm going to start killing and maiming and biting and and and

[yuyu1024]

Darling

Pairings: Seonghwa × y/n

Genre/tags: friends and more

Warning: 🔞🔞 smut/angst, cursing, sensual touching/making out, needy/clingy, Pet name, semi public, bj [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 1.2k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: likes and reblogs much appreciated ⭐️

Check pinned post for more✨️

****

Half asleep, you wake up early in the morning to force yourself to jog. You've been slacking with it for the past month already. School have really messed up your routine.

Before you go and get ready to wash your face up, you decided to go down the kitchen first to grab a glass or water and prepare the tumbler you will be carrying for the run.

It's still a bit dark and again, half asleep, that you didn't find it weird that when you entered the kitchen area, the lampshade near the dining table is on. So when a deep ass voice started speaking behind you, you almost dropped down on the floor and faint.

"Fuck!" You gasp as you finally see it was Seonghwa. "You scared the shit out of me." Your hands on your chest and trying to collect yourself

"I didn't mean to..." he say then leans his lower back on the island counter top. "You're up early." His arms crossed over his chest.

"I'm going for a run... need to release some stress..." you say as you open the fridge and grab a bottle of water. "You?"

"I'm horny." He spat, making you almost choke on the water your drinking

You wipe your mouth. "W-what did you say?!?"

He puts his index finger over his plump, rosy lips. "Sshh... they are still asleep."

He is pertaining to your brother, Wooyoung, and the other boys. Some is sleeping up stairs in Wooyoung's room while Yunho and probably San is sleeping in the guestroom downstairs since they were up all night playing video games.

It's the beginning of summer so they are all in your house, having some boys slumber party. And they will be here for a few more days.

"You guys drank a lot last night... why are you awake now?"

"Again....as I said..." he stands up straight and lips curved in a small smile. "I'm horny... if you don't get that... It means I want sex... I want to fuck... I want..." he's moving closer and closer to you until your back touches the fridge. "I want to eat you..."

Your bodies are close to each other that you could actually feel his hardness through his pajamas and yours.

"W-why... me?"

"C'mon darling..." he leans down to whisper, "you know why... you've been teasing me since yesterday..."

You blush at the thought. Yes. You actually did. Not gonna lie, maybe it's because you had a few drinks too but not to the point your drunk. It just became liquid courage for you.

You've been crushing on him for more than a year now. He's been friends with your brother for so long. But you have no idea where this crush actually began. You thought it was just nothing until it got solidified more than a year ago.

How can you not like Seonghwa? He's sweet, kind, caring, passionate and such a good friend and person in general. Plus he's good looking and smart. And probably, one thing you like about him too is his naughty side.

But this KIND of naughty, is new to you.

"Wearing a a fitted top and those tiny shorts of yours?" He tugs your hair behind your ear before he takes you by your chin and make you look at him. "And when we were playing games... you make sure I get to have a good view of your ass and then brushing your chest onto my arm purposely..." he leans in again, lips close to your ear. "Just thinking about it makes me hard and ready to burry my d!ck in your pu$sy."

Oh shit. Your knees weakened a little. He sound so fucking sexy.

"What do you say? Darling... should we try... if you could take my d!ck well?"

His eyes are burning. He's different from the Seonghwa you see often. This is intense. In a good way.

"Ahm..." your breathing is all over the place as his hands begins to roam around your body.

"Give me your consent, darling." He pushes his pelvis to you more. His fucking hard as rock. "I've been wanting to fuck you since last night... but the boys are night owls and I can't find the timing to pull you out of your bed."

You are shaking and excited at the same time.

"What do you want to do?"

He smirks devilishly. "I want to fuck that beautiful mouth of yours first... would you like to try?"

You suddenly got brave and cup his bulge. "Feed me." You tease before you tip toe and go for a kiss.

His eyes widens after the cute peck you gave him but then the warmth in his eyes changes to something dark.

"Go down on your knees." He orders

Your mouth goes dry. This is your first time doing something like this. You've dated a few boys but didn't got to this. Seonghwa is a man and you're not a little girl anymore too. Making out is just basic. This is more than basic.

Slowly pulling down his pajama pants down, you almost choked on nothing as you see it clearly and close up. The length. The veins. The redness. The leaking tip.

"Fuck." You hiss as you grab him using both hands. "Wow..." You quietly move forward and begin to taste him.

You tongue run from the bottom to the tip. Feeling those edges that are so freaking beautiful that makes you wonder how it will feel if he puts it inside of you.

"Ugh... ah... that's it... ahhh...holy shit..." Seonghwa is moaning, nonstop as you let your tongue play around his length. "Fuck! darling, I never knew... you'd be this..." he pauses as he felt the warmth of your mouth. "Ohhh yes..."

You bop your head, sucking and licking every bits of him making him crazy. You're making sure he'll be wanting more from you or if not, will never forget the service you've given him.

"Y/n!" He cries. He puts his hands on the fridge for support. "Damn it!"

He pulls you up from your knees and start to make out with you.

"Fuck!" He looks at you, eye to eye. "You're not wearing a bra?" His hand is on your right boob, squeezing. He could feel how turned on you are under the shirt you are wearing. The tip is very hard and pointy. "8 guys... 7... less Woo...in this house and you're not wearing... a fucking bra? Do you know how dangerous this is?"

You smile putting your arms around his neck. "Do you want me to put on a bra or you'd want to taste it?"

A wide devilish grin spread across his lips. "You one naughty little princess..." he licks his lower lips and grinds his exposed length to your still covered core. "You'd regret turning me on even more... coz' darling... I'd bet you can not go jogging after I'm finished with you."

"Give it a go then..." you glance at the wall clock in the kitchen. "We have less than a hour before sunrise... before my parents and the rest of the boys wake up..."

He growls at your challenge. "Alright then..." he adjusts your positions and making you face the countertop. "Bend over..." he orders "and make sure to keep quiet..."

[strawberrycola]

hello. i made a very long, very indulgent addition to the sam and max subreddit post earlier, and decided to make it its own post because i had way too many thoughts for a reblog. and the idea of clogging notes was eating away at my brain like mice eat a cheese. this is mostly just train of thought, so i apologise if it's complete nonsense. i've just thought a lot about sam and max's relationship, and the connection lgbt (and neurodivergent, for that matter) fans have had to the series, from my perspective since i was like 8. obviously that's gonna be tinted thru a tumblr lens, because ftmp that's where i see The Good Stuff. and i'm gay as hell, so there's bias. ok read more time kiss kiss.

anyhoozles, coincidentally i've been back on my sam and max bullshit recently, as i finally got a chance to play "this time it's virtual". and discovered vr is not my thing.

so to start, listen...i don't think sam and max's relationship is quite as cut and dry as i believe myself and perhaps many others would imagine/hope. i'm eyeing the "susan" gag from the aformentioned ttiv, in particular. but as your resident specialist in "complex and obscure knowledge of three series total or so", the question of sam and max's relationship has been here since the very beginning of the official comics. like. this has been a thing. pretending it's new is foolhardy. and wrong. obviously there's "like butch and sundance", the wedding toppers, hell, the devs of the telltale game trilogy lampshade their relationship a very decent amount, both in the game itself and in the commentary. at the end of 209, "chariot of the dogs", they directly bring it up during the final cutscene tie straightening maneuver max does. one of the devs literally gets excited about it, iirc. and one of my personal favourite examples is "do you find my warmth...alarming, sam?" from 305, "the city that dares not sleep."

that, in particular, is one of several lines directly from MR. PURCELL HIMSELF, that he gave to the devs each game as lines that must be in the game.

and speaking of season 3, i'd like to mention 305, "they stole max's brain".

(i am now holding "noir sam" so close to my chest, jsyk. that trope means the world to me. it has influenced SO much of my work, and i still use napalm's playthrough on youtube as a sleep aid. REMASTER WHEN.)

of course i and many others latched onto that shit, are you kidding me???? that whole episode was RIPE for hurt/comfort. minor spoiler warning for those that would mind, it's a roaring rampage of revenge plot. at least for the first 30 minutes or so. it's part of a long history between the two of freaking the hell out the second they're separated from each other in a way that doesn't end in like, five minutes. (305. if you know, you know. fkin brutal, man.) sam, in the second act of the game, has been affected by an alternate reality plot, and fully believes he has carried max's brain in a jar his whole LIFE and seemingly has no plans to stop doing so!! it's part of a season where the WHOLE PLOT revolves around the nature of their relationship and how it could change. you don't have to be a shipper yourself to understand how that could be incredibly compelling to the people that fancy them as a couple.

and it's a fandom that i give a lot of credit to lgbt people for revitalising in the mid 2010s~ (i was already a fan by then, and i'm still really curious as to why it blew up so much, but hey, who's complaining?), as well as in 2021~ in response to skunkape's remaster of telltale's season one "save the world" installment, and the release of ttiv. (obviously the actual demographic spread across platform to platform is a varied thing, etc. etc. i'd like to stay firmly in my lane, and i don't wanna overstate any particular demos in my discussion here, or hyperbolise too much.)

Obviously, you don't have. to be a shipper. completely fine. pretty common. Who Give A Care. and we're not even gonna get into the "not suitable" content. i can't fault anyone for not being cool with the actual sexualisation of childhood stuff they like. that's something i'm pretty "ambivalent with a leaning towards discomfort" about for quite a few things myself. and it turns out there wasn't even any "unmentionable graphic imagery" to begin with. shocking. HOWEVER. i'm fascinated but not completely surprised by the blatant homophobia and disgust towards the fanart of the ship.

like, to be nuanced about things, and it's not like the admin is extending the same courtesy here, this is clearly an older fan. like i think from around the same timeframe i was first introduced to it, give or take. maybe they missed a lot of the tumblr mid-2010s activity, or maybe that's going in to their Burning Disgust towards Yaoi Sam and Max Kissing Not Clickbait. i know the fanart had some level of cross-posting, at least on youtube as dubs iirc. OR maybe i'm a fool who is actively tricking you with my words and none of the above is true at all. however...pal. again, in my opinion, we owe those lgbt and neurodivergent kids and adults our whole rights as a fan community. you don't have to like it, but you do have to be respectful, jerkbag.

i can't be the only one who was devastated by the drought of content post "the devil's playhouse". we had a [1] singular whole webcomic to tide us over, with the occasional sketch on purcell's social medias. of course, there was a small community of fans, and some incredible stuff they made, looking at you Sam Dies At The End. i weeped. but it was slow and steady. and then, out of seemingly nowhere, people en masse suddenly REALLY CARED ABOUT THE THING THAT BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY AS A LITTLE GUY. like, fuck man...i first found out what autism was when i was real young because max's character description on wikipedia contained speculation as to whether or not he has it. (jury's still out, ...but we all have our little comforts. okay? also speaking of, "is max gay?" is like. one of the longest ongoing bits. like cmon dude.) now granted, by 2021 i was a little old for the new wave of shipping that sprouted up. tiktok edits are Not Always My Thing. but that's okay!!!! it doesn't need to be my thing. i'm really glad they're having fun. :] and i don't want to come across as like. infantilising in my discussion of the younger fanbase, so i apologise if my tone has come across that way. it really is simply the comforting thought that kids like me can experience what i had.

i remember how much fun my friends and i used to have when we were 16! (hi xavier, if ur reading this. miss you, buddy. :]) we got silly with it! we got angsty about season 3!! we wrote fanfiction, hell, an amazing fic my friend wrote that i beta'd is still the most kudos'd shipping fic on ao3!! the fanartists i liked had such an INCREDIBLE grasp on how to write sam and max's banter. it was a good time! and knowing these characters are giving joy to a new generation makes me giddy, dude. hell yeah! get "feral" or whatever the hell it is these days. find comfort in characters that don't really care about anyone's opinion except each other's, who get to be as weird and annoying and gross as they want all the time. that tend to punch up. that show love differently than what's seen as conventional. that end up saving the day, not even because they have to, so much as they genuinely enjoy each adventure together. max was my personal opportunity to feel comfort in all my weird freaky mannerisms i kept safe behind the polished exterior i had to wear as a kid. i found solace in the thought that those two were practically made for each other, as i stumbled through my own gender and sexuality crises. i loved how dry and dark sam was allowed to be. the banjo bits, the phone jokes, the repartee. so much of this series has influenced me, and helped me become who i am, as a creator and as a functional guy who Does Things.

so that's a small bit of why i think sam and max had, and still has, a lot of appeal to people that grew up like me. there's a lot of rough stuff i went through that made the idea of a couple of anarchist detectives completely devoted to one another that go around the seedy underbelly of america saving the day ("almost on purpose!") really, really interesting. steve purcell is unapologetic about how gross america can be, especially in the comics. at the heart of it, sam and max do what they do both because they enjoy it, and they enjoy each other. and i think, to overlook that, is to miss some of the whole point of the franchise. oh, i'm sorry, giant cockroaches literally everywhere is fine, streets crusted in various goos, totally chill, but gay kissing is the thing that Absolutely Nauseates you? plugging your ears and screaming gross seems like...kind of a weak move here, ngl. a work that doesn't shy away from how confusing and wild life can be has a decent chance to be compelling to marginalised groups, who often have to put up with the more disgusting aspects of reality anyways. at least these two odd guys are having fun with it. sam and max understand each other, each of their strengths and flaws, and choose to be with each other every day because of and in spite of them. they choose to love where they are, because of and in spite of its many, many, many flaws. they choose to be who they are because they love what they do. there's something touching there, if you like to think about such things. there are some occasions i find myself wishing sam and max's relationship was more...concrete. i wish we had an answer to Does Sam And Max Is Gay? but at the same time, being vague and obtuse is like. their whole shtick. so maybe it's just right how it is. and uh. obviously this is a fictional series. in the end, it's all how we enjoy it that matters, and it's not the end of the world. and as a final cherry on top, nothing beats turning to my husband and asking, "is sam and max queerbait", before delighting in the 3 hr conversation that follows.

and to get to the point. as the old adage unfortunately goes, it's...okay. to not like...ships. and i can even somewhat understand being frustrated by a subreddit you created being "flooded" by a thing you're not into. only somewhat, because a: we've always been here, and b: because you can. just not look at it? idk if reddit has a filtering system, but. the scroll wheel is free. to throw a tantrum and ban topics because you're personally offended people think they're gay? you might be missing out on some of the most fun you can have outside the series, and you're spitting in the face of the people who held this fandom up on their shoulders like atlas.

and you're being a dick about it.

TO CONCLUDE:

wah wah they're gay gay homosexual gay and they don't pay taxes. deal or die, fake fan.

[landslided]

🌩️🌤️🌈

thank you so much for this!!

🌩️ share something funny/cracky from your WIP.

Daniel manoeuvres Johnny’s splint out of the shirt, “It’s not a meeting for bums. It’s a meeting for people with alcohol problems, Johnny. It’s not shameful. It’s a real addiction that needs-”

“Oh my God, please! Shut up!” Johnny’s brace has caught into the collar and he looks like a lampshade. “If you try to lecture me about my own alcohol problem, like you say, I swear I’ll kick you in the face.”

(from steps on the water, chapter 11)

🌤️share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

Johnny rolled his eyes, “No, I’m not following some stranger around. I saw your dumb friends in the square, that’s all. And I’m telling you to keep away from Ali because you obviously know nothing about her and you’re gonna get in trouble. That’s all. Take it as a friendly warning.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

Johnny tried to leave but Daniel was on his heels.

“So is it true then?”

“What?”

“That you’re a criminal and a dick.”

(from rebel yell)

🌈 share something soft/fluffy from your WIP.

His mom smoothed some hair on the top of his head, “I’ll make you something to eat before you leave, baby.”

“Ma, I’m twenty, I can grab something at a corner store.”

“You’ll start eating nutrient paste when I’m dead and buried, Daniel, not a day before.”

(from rebel yell)

[ WIP ASK GAME ]

[wanderinginksplot]

Clone Trooper Rambles

Have you seen BBC's Ghosts? (If not, you should definitely watch it!) Picture that, but with clone troopers instead of historical figures.

Warnings: spiders, (vague) description of killing spiders

---

Infested

"So this is where you grew up?" Fives asked, glancing around curiously.

I snorted. "No, not really. We moved too much for that. I did live here for a few years before I moved out, but this isn't like… a childhood bedroom or anything."

"Lot of books," Longshot commented.

"Are you really shocked?" Rex muttered, pretending that he hadn't said anything when I rolled my eyes at him. 

I hadn't especially wanted to bring the troopers to my mother's house, but I was going to be staying with her while I went to a friend's wedding nearby. I was going to be there for almost a week - too long to get a hotel room. Not that my mom would have let me do that anyway, so I hadn't bothered offering.

"But still, I do have some good memories here," I admitted, turning a slow circle in the middle of the room. Halfway through, I frowned, ducking for a shoe as I added, "And some bad ones."

There was silence from the rest of the room as I used my shoe to crush the spider near the baseboard. I hit it another time after it fell on the floor, then cleaned up the mess with a tissue.

"That was…" Echo trailed off, clearing his throat while he searched for the right phrase. "A little excessive, don't you think?" 

"It wasn't even a big spider," Longshot told me.

"Yeah, but it was venomous," I explained. "If they bite you, it's painless, but the venom starts to eat away your muscles. It can mess you up for a long time and leave you with a pretty nasty scar under the wrong circumstances."

"Are they aggressive?" Fives asked. 

I winced. This was the part that wasn’t going to sound very good. “Uh… no.”

In an instant, the concern on the troopers’ faces had turned to exasperation, but I quickly offered, “Not normally, anyway. They like to hide in places that are cool, dark, and quiet. When I’m not here, my room is all of those things. I’m worried the spiders have made some kind of haven here and they won’t be happy that someone is going to be sharing the space for the next week.”

“Could you just relocate them?” Echo asked. 

“I don’t- hang on.” I abandoned my explanation entirely as I killed another spider. This one - considerably larger - had crawled out from behind my dresser. 

When I had disposed of the body, the troopers were looking a bit less comfortable. Longshot in particular kept scratching at the back of his neck as he glanced around the room. Fortunately, the late afternoon sunlight was streaming in through the windows, and there weren’t many places for stray arachnids to hide.

“I can’t move them,” I answered. “First off, I’m arachnophobic. You guys all know that. I’m not going to willingly get that close to a spider. Second, no one in the house likes them, so they wouldn’t be happy with me tossing it into their room. And if I put them outside, they’ll probably find a way back in. Third, killing them is basically an instinct now. They get everywhere and I just want to take care of the threat.”

“Everywhere,” Rex repeated blandly. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean showers, lampshades, shoes… Anywhere cool, dark, and quiet.” I met Rex’s eyes steadily. “I found one on my pillow once.”

Longshot wasn’t the only one who shuddered at that and I felt a tiny surge of vindication. Fives was the one who ended up providing a recommendation: “Carry on, then.”

I nodded. I had always intended to do exactly that, but it would be easier if I wasn’t arguing with people every time I had to kill a spider.

I walked into the bathroom and heaved a sigh when I found another spider. After the hollow sound of a shoe on tile floor had faded, I heard Longshot lament, "It's gonna be a long week."

---

Previous | Next | Masterlist

A/N - Sorry to anyone who really likes spiders! I just cannot handle them. They freak me out so badly. I was bitten by a spider when I was a little kid and they've terrified me ever since.

I've been leaning hard on the Rambles this past week! They're really helping me stave off the writer's block as I work on Gar Cyare. These are written and posted massively out of order, but we'll just keep thinking of them as strange, first-person one-shots.

Taglist: @rexs-wife @sugarpuffsstuff @just-some-girl-92 @kimageddon @ladysongmaster @carodealmeida @nomercyforthewarrior @bitchylittleredhead @lackofhonor @buddee @salaminus @hikime @808tsuika @ladykatakuri @shawtyitsyou @bikerlorian @torchbearerkyle @frietiemeloen @justanothersadperson93 @leotatombs @rain-on-kamino @itsagrimm @dancingwiththeplanets @theclonesdeservebetter @murder-of-crows-1 @rosmariner @staycalmandhugaclone @marennial @eyecandyeoz @fordo-kixed-rex

[annieray]

I Trust You

TW: Brief mention of death

___________

"One of these days, you're going to be on your own and you won't have me to guide you." My mother brushes my hair.

She had just finished washing my hair and now I was seated in her lap and she was playing with my hair.

I frown, "What do you mean?" I don't want to be without Mama, we're supposed to be together forever. Me, her and my son, Mr. Snuggles.

My mama sighs and I feel her breath on the back of my neck, she turns me to face her, her small, brown eyes meeting mines.

Mama's eyes were starting to look different her usual bright, eyes were becoming dull and lifeless. Mama was also starting to lose weight (even though she was already skinny).

She holds my face in her hands, "Mama is unwell, and could disappear forever any day now. You might not understand now but you will in the future. You're a smart girl."

My frown deepens, and I hold Mr. Snuggles close to me. I don't want Mama to disappear, I'll be alone and I don't like being alone.

Mama smiles,"Let's just hope that day doesn't come too soon."

I slowly open my eyes, and is met with a bed. My heart skips a beat and I quickly sit up, feeling an ache in my head. Ow, where am I?

"Whoa, be careful!" A woman comes into view. She was wearing a blue two piece with white flowers on it and her hair was in a dreaded ponytail.

I scoot back as far as I can, "Hey, it's okay. I won't hurt you, my names Kuina, I'm Chishiya's friend."

At the mention if his name, I relax a little. "W-where's Chishiya and Okano?" I would feel a lot better if someone else I knew was here. Although she does seems nice.

"They went down stairs to get breakfast, they should be back any second now." She said they, so Okano is alive.

"O-oh okay." I try to remember what happened. We had just beaten the game and then, t-the lady blew up.

My eyes start to water, the lady actually died, there was blood everywhere and some landed on me.

I pull the covers off of me and look at my body, there was no blood but I wasn't in my uniform. Instead I was in a t-shirt and shorts.

"Um, what happened to my clothes." I really hope it was Okano or at least Kuina to change me.

"Oh, they were dirty so I got you a fresh set of clothes, Okano was the one to change you though." Kuina reassured.

I look around the room, the walls were painted tan and there was a desk on the left by the window. There was a dark brown door at the front of the room and another door on the right side. There was a small nightstand beside the bed with a small lamp and a ugly, yellow lampshade.

Like really ugly.

"Kuina where are we?" I rub my head,  it really hurts.

"We're at the Beach." Kuina smiles at me.

Oh that explains the bathing suit. Duh.

I hear footsteps and the door opens. Okano and Chishiya walk in holding three plates of food.

"Maya, you're awake!" Okano rushes towards me (putting the plate of food on the nightstand) and tackles me.

"You had me worried!" Okano squeezes me harder.

I lay my head on her shoulder, she's alive, I'm alive.

"Hate to break up the reunion, but you should eat something." Chishiya announces.

"Oh!" Okano pulls away, "They had rice," Okano takes the bowl and hands it to me, "Eat up."

She takes her own bowl of rice and sits next to me. I take a bite and close my eyes, it is the best thing I've had in a long time.

"How long have I been out?"  I feel a little drowsy and sluggish, I had to be out for a while.

"Two days," Okano whispers.

I stop eating, "T-two days?" See that lady die really took a toll on me.

"Yeah. You also have a visa that you have to re-new every three days or else you'll die." My eyes widen, this is a lot of information.

"What?" I set the bowl of rice on the nightstand, my appetite is long gone.

"Too much?" Okano smiles apologetically.

"Yeah, way too much."

"Okay Amaya," Kuina calls, "You really need to renew your visa so you're gonna have to play another game." I frown, I really don't want to go through that again.

"I know you don't want to play another game, but it's important that you do." Okano Pleads.

I nod, "Y-yeah, I'll play again."

"Great, I'll join you." Kuina smiles.

Okano looks at me apologetically, "I would play with you, but I played yesterday and I don't want to play again."

"No, it's fine, I can handle myself." As much as I wanted her to join, I know she needs the rest.

"I'm ready to go when you are Amaya," Kuina announce.

Just great

_________

Sorry it’s short, just a filler.

Not proof read

[bumbleklee]

Hihi! I hope you dont mind this request :3 Could you do a headcannon or oneshot with zhongli, xiao, ganyu, hu tao, and a reader? I have this headcannon they’d be a family in a modern au and it’s ndjddjsjjejsehhwje Or Zhongli ‘creates’ (?) a new adepti and xiao and ganyu help raise them like a little sibling fnfnsdjjdjssj The reader would be the youngest sibling :) Hu Tao as the second youngest Xiao as the middle child Ganyu as the oldest And Zhongli as their dad <3

this is so cute im gonna cry (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) i went with a modern au bc my brain is short circuiting tonight lol. also there's chili near the end because brainrot (was listening to the song “the best day” by tswift while reading these so yktv)

it’s very sfw, just cut for length  

your mother passed away shortly after you were born, leaving you and your three siblings in the care of your father

zhongli was devastated, of course, but knew he needed to be strong for everyone

fortunately, zhongli had a well-paying job so your family never struggled

when you were a freshman in high school, ganyu was already in college so you took over her bedroom that you shared with hu tao

without ganyu around to rope you guys in, life at home was total chaos

hu tao loved to play pranks on you and xiao like putting flour in your blow dryer or turning off the internet connection when xiao was fighting a boss in his favorite video game

xiao, like most teenage boys, often retaliated and it was you who had to pull them apart from killing each other

despite the constant sibling bickering and arguing, the three of you had an unexplainable bond and zhongli’s heart melted when he came home from a rough day at work to find the three of you curled up on the couch watching a movie together

zhongli is the best dad in the entire world

he was a “cool” dad, too

he let your house be the party-house as long as everyone gave him their car keys and slept over

he actually liked looking out his bedroom window to seeing you and your friends having the time of your lives in the pool (his motto: you all deserved to have a fun childhood)

he was very comforting too and his speciality was being able to fit all four kids (teenagers) in his arms at once

if zhongli realized you were upset, he would take you out to spend the day with him, window shopping or eating at your favorite restaurant and ending the day with a snuggle in front of the tv (no matter how old you were)

one time, you and hu tao woke up to an eighteen year-old xiao wrapped up in a blanket next to zhongli on the couch

zhongli has special nicknames for all of you (ganyu is ganny, xiao is kiddo and will always be kiddo, hu tao is princess, and you’re bug)

you’re closest to hu tao

she’s two years older than you and is the only one of your siblings who doesn’t treat you like a baby all the time

she’s definitely the rebellious kid and you know all of her hiding spots for things (you would never snitch on her though)

xiao and ganyu are very protective of you

ganyu just wants you to make smart decisions while xiao threatens anyone who comes near you with a romantic interest

it was annoying at first to have such an overprotective older brother but when your very first relationship ended horribly, you were glad xiao was there to kick their ass and bring you ice cream

when ganyu comes home from college, it’s like a celebration

you and hu tao will run at her and nearly tackle her to the ground in excitement

xiao stands around usually but is always happy she’s home too

birthdays are a big deal in your home

zhongli likes to surprise everyone with “blank days until your birthday” gifts as an excuse to spoil you kids 

he lets you do whatever you want on your birthday too

if you want to go a fancy restaurant, sure. if you want to have a huge birthday party at the house, go for it. if you want to stay in your room all day, alright. his mindset is that it’s one day a year that about you and only you

zhongli is so supportive of you guys

if you’re questioning your gender or sexuality, he’ll listen to you

he’s very progressive and all he wants is for you kids to be happy

when zhongli starts dating a man named childe when you’re sixteen, everyone reacts differently

ganyu is excited, happy her dad finally met someone new after so many years of being alone

xiao is indifferent. at first he’s upset, thinking zhongli is going to forget about their mom, but once he reassures him he’s not, xiao comes around

like ganyu, you’re happy for zhongli. you like childe and you know he makes your dad happy so you’re happy

hu tao, on the other hand, is very against it

anytime zhongli tried to date someone new when she was younger, she had thrown a tantrum and cried for her mom

zhongli, not wanting to make his daughter upset, usually broke off the relationship

but now she was eighteen and she couldn’t really throw a tantrum

so when zhongli told everyone he was dating childe and hu tao ran off to the basement, the three of you followed her

you found out that had similar thoughts to xiao and thought zhongli was dating someone new to replace your mother

it took a lot of coaxing and tears but finally, hu tao came to terms with the situation

surprisingly, she had the best relationship with childe after a while

when you’re graduating high school, zhongli realizes all his babies grew up

(he suffers from empty nest syndrome)

“So, what do you think?” You grinned, watching your siblings and father admire your new dorm room. Ganyu and Hu tao exchanged looks before Ganyu nodded her head proudly. 

“Looks great,” She smiled, “It kind of looks like your bedroom at home.” 

“I thought it would look like a hurricane,” Xiao smirked, earning a playful hit on the upside of his head by his older sister. You heard her mutter an insult under her breath. 

“I think it's quite lovely, Bug,” Zhongli says softly. His hands are twisted behind his back and he won’t make eye contact with you. 

You run your hand under the waterfall lights on the wall, hundreds of photos of your family and friends clipped to the strings. Looking around, you realized you dorm was decorated like your bedroom. You had brought the same comforter and pillows from home and even set up your desk exactly the same. Maybe you weren’t so ready to let go of your childhood, either. 

Zhongli was about to open his mouth when your roommate and their parents walked into the dorm. There was a short exchange of greetings before your siblings filed into the hallway. You knew this was goodbye. 

“You can call me anytime. You know that, right?” Zhongli started, toying with your lampshade. “And if you ever feel homesick and need to-”

“I’ll be okay, dad,” You smiled softly. You embraced your father tightly and he did the same to you. After what felt like hours, but was probably not even a minute, Zhongli pulled away. He gazed you adoringly before kissing your forehead and leaving the dorm. 

Ganyu, who had taken a day off from work to be there, held out of her hand to her father. “Weird, isn’t it?” She asked comfortingly. 

“They’re all grown-up,” He mumbled, “All of my babies are grown up.” 

“Oh, dad,” Hu Tao said. She threw herself at Zhongli, catching him off guard.  “We’ll always be your babies.” 

Zhongli mustered a smile on her lips. He ruffled Hu Tao’s hair. “Yeah,” He agreed, “Let’s go eat.”

[tuiyla]

Sentimental Affection: Hambo, the Shirt, and Objects of Psychic Resonance

Adventure Time and the mundane, aka Daddy, why did you eat my fries?

Ever a show to be full of hidden symbolism and so much more under the surface than its 11-minute runtime would allow, Adventure Time uses seemingly mundane objects like a teddy bear or a T-shirt to convey the monumental importance of character dynamics. This doesn’t only apply to objects but actual parts of one’s self, like Finn’s arm and the interwoven significance of his many swords. And then, there’s Marceline.

Like with many of the show’s more complex aspects, this is especially prevalent in Marceline’s story. How do you stress the sheer volume of having lived for a thousand years? How do you signify the lack of letting go of the past, lack of maturity? You give a girl a teddy bear and have her hold on to it for as long as she can. And it’s not just Hambo that adds unexpected depth to Marceline’s character and her relationship with others. There’s the infamous rock shirt, which we’ll get to, and then there’s the French fries eaten by Hunson Abadeer.

As iconic as the Fry Song has become and as synonymous with the complex Abadeer father-daughter relationship as it is, it seems silly, at first glance, that Marceline would be so upset over that simple transgression. But Adventure Time has a special talent for making the mundane whimsical and significant, so through the context of the full song, through little glimpses here and there, we understand the symbolism of the fries. It’s Hunson’s disregard for Marceline’s feelings, his carelessness, his lack of understanding, that really matters.

Just a teddy in the wreckage of the world

So what about Hambo? Hambo is, for a while, everything to Marceline. Hambo is the one representation of her relationship with Simon that she has left. It’s a remnant from the wreckage of the world, a plushie given to a scared little girl by an equally scared old man. It’s the one thing Simon leaves behind when he abandons Marcy, for her own good, and summons Hunson to take care of her instead. But Hunson eats those fries and so Marceline takes the family axe instead and keeps it as safe as she keeps Hambo.

Hambo stays with Marceline long after she turns into a vampire, ever a symbol of the tragic childhood she lost and yet is stuck in. It’s not a coincidence that she’s implied to tolerate much of Ash’s jerkish behaviour but draws the line when he sells Hambo for a new wand. That’s the only thing of Simon, the real Simon that she has left and it matters more than a boyfriend who doesn’t care about that. Disregard for Hambo is disregard for her. So Marceline keeps moving all across Ooo, both to escape from this new, twisted version of Simon and to find the one thing that proves he wasn’t always like this.

You kept the shirt I gave you?

Let’s take a break from Hambo for a moment. Let’s picture a time long before Finn washed up on the shores of Ooo, before the Candy Kingdom grew into what it is today. Marceline and Bonnibel are friends, maybe more - details depend on whatever nuggets “Obsidian” gives us. For a while, it works, and Marceline gives Bonnie a rock T-shirt. That shirt is so quintessentially Marcy that it becomes a symbol of their relationship when it’s with PB. The two drift apart, though, as Bonnie becomes known as Princess Bubblegum to everyone else and Marceline leaves before she can be left behind. The shirt becomes a sort of inverse of Hambo: a token of love that’s - as Marceline initially thinks - never cared for. Bitter as she might be over this, Marcy leaves it all behind as she left Hunson with the fries. She never really got to grow beyond being that young girl who was left Hambo in the snow.

Except, Finn does come along, eventually, and he brings Bonnie and Marcy together again. It’s intense and Marceline lashes out because, well, sorry she’s such an inconvenience. But in truth, it’s Marceline who tags along to defeat the Door Lord despite having no stakes in the mater, and it’s PB who wants to get her precious possession back. Her treasure is, of course, Marceline’s shirt. The one she always has worn, just in the comfort of her own room or under something else. Not out in the open, one might say, but constantly nonetheless, even long after Marceline was gone from her life. A reminder of what they had as much as Hambo is a reminder of who Simon was to Marcy.

That’s the wonder of “What Was Missing”. It lampshades the potential cheesiness of the message, that being “the real treasure is friendship”, but it is genuine in how it portrays that message beyond what would be expected of a kids’ cartoon. Finn keeps a piece of Bubblegum’s hair, but PB is right there to hang out with whenever they want to. Bonnie keeps Marcy’s shirt because she thinks it’s as close as she’ll get to be around her again, but Marceline tagged along just for the joy of being around them. What these two examples have in common is that both Finn and PB want something more from the relationship with the actual person, something they think is unattainable, so they hold on to the objects instead of reaching out.

I’ll get your kid back, toy

So what about Hambo and Marceline reaching out to Simon? When the Ice King inevitably finds her, again, Marceline is rightfully frustrated and just about ready to pack up and move again. But she’s grown these past few years since Finn entered her life and helped her face her past demons. It breaks her heart but she starts accepting Simon back into her life. They hang out and she insists on calling him Simon, because she never stopped viewing him that way. She knows who he used to be, even if he doesn’t, and she clings onto the representation of that hope, Hambo.

Marceline is already in a much better place by the time “Sky Witch” rolls around than she was at the start of the series. She kind of has Hunson, Simon and Bonnie in her life again. It’s all a bit complicated and unresolved - ”Stakes” isn’t for another two seasons - but she’s on her way. That doesn’t mean she’s gonna let the opportunity to get Hambo back pass by, so she asks for Bonnie’s help. It’s a bit awkward but she spent all this time being angry and feeling like she wasn’t good enough when PB cared enough to at least keep the shirt, so maybe that’s as much hope as Hambo is for Simon. And that’s exactly what “Sky Witch” proves, as Bonnie’s level-headedness helps Marcy navigate Maja’s treacherous turf and gets her Hambo back.

There's only one Hambo

There’s a misconception, a common and understandable one, but a misconception nonetheless when it comes to the shirt and Hambo. When Maja says that Hambo’s psychic resonance is nothing compared to the shirt’s, it’s easy to see the implication being that the shirt is that much more important. Therefore, Marceline is that much more important to PB than Simon is to Marcy. This isn’t entirely inaccurate but I also think that what’s important here is not to put these two objects and therefore the two relationships on the same scale. It implies that we’re comparing the familial type of love between Simon and Marcy to the romantic love between Bonnie and Marcy and that’s just a false and pointless comparison. Instead, the significance once again comes through trademark Adventure Time subtlety.

“What Was Missing” was mainly the Bubbline dynamic from Marcy’s perspective: her hurt, her anger over not knowing why it all ended. The twist with the shirt at the end only hints at PB’s side of things and “Sky Witch” takes it home. From the little moments at the beginning of the episode to the revelation that PB gave up the shirt for Hambo, it’s a full package. It’s in everything, including the scene where Peebs dismisses Hambo’s importance. It’s just a doll, totally replaceable, an insinuation which insults Marcy deeply. Bonnie doesn’t necessarily get why Hambo is so important but, in a way, PB does understand. She understands, because Hambo is to Marceline what the shirt is for her: hope.

When PB gives up the shirt, she gives up the only piece of Marceline she’s had for all these centuries. It wasn’t replaceable, just like Hambo wasn’t, but by giving it up she gives Marceline her most treasured possession, her hope. And you know what else? By giving up this remnant of the past, Bonnie gets Marceline back. “Sky Witch”, then, is the beginning of their new dynamic, as the lesson from the Door Lord finally sinks in. And by equating, in a way, Hambo and the shirt, after we’ve already seen in “I Remember You” and “Simon & Marcy” how monumental that relationship is, this makes Bonnie’s devotion to Marcy clear as day.

Magic, madness, sadness, and all the rest

Hambo becomes something even bigger in “Betty”. The reason why Maja wanted Hambo and then the shirt in the first place is because Adventure Time acknowledges within the logic of its own universe how important the love poured into these objects is. She uses the magic of the shirt and Simon uses the magic of Hambo. Marceline, reluctantly, lets go of Hambo because she just got Simon back, just as PB let go of the shirt and got Marcy back. Nothing is ever that straightforward in the land of Ooo, though, so Hambo brings Betty back but it can’t save Simon. Now Marceline got a taste of the old Simon, had hope, and it lives on in the person they sacrificed Hambo for: Betty.

Betty’s hope is misguided, though. With her time jump to modern day Ooo, a journey of denial and desperation begins that leads her and the whole land down a road of magic and madness. Betty’s shenanigans is its own separate post, really, and all the themes of acceptance, denial and change they represent. What I find fascinating in this context is how, again, in true AT style, the butterfly effect did its magic and the mundane lead into the whimsical and grandiose.

Right there where you left it, lying upside down

Simon gave a little Marcy her teddy doll and Ash carelessly passed it on. Marceline gave Bubblegum a rock shirt, something so quintessentially her that it was the one thing Peebs held onto even after all those years. The shirt was a symbol of their lingering connection and its sacrifice meant the start of a new chapter. The significance of the shirt was enough to get Hambo back, which in turn was powerful enough for Simon to get Betty back. And, eventually, by moving almost literal heaven and hell, Betty brings Simon back. Everything stays, but it still changes.

The shirt is not Marceline. Hambo is not Simon. Objects are not people, nor can we only be with people if we let go of those objects. That isn’t the message the show is going for. And these objects are only catalysts for character arc and dynamics in most cases, anyway. Marceline doesn’t grow up by letting Hambo go, she succeeds in leaving the past behind in “Stakes”. And, if the “Obsidian” trailer is any indication, even that doesn’t mean she’s done with all her demons.

What the intertwined stories of Hambo and the shirt tell us is that complex, emotional stories can be told through simple objects. A teddy doll can signify a thousand years of pain and yet provide hope, while a rock T-shirt can pack some good old-fashioned queer yearning into it. Hambo and the shirt aren’t even monumental parts of Marceline’s, Simon’s and Bubblegum’s stories, even if Adventure Time finds clever ways to use them in the plot. They are just two simple things that represent so much in terms of character development and some of the show’s central dynamics, and that’s damn good storytelling.

[duhragonball]

Cult Classic

I had a really exhausting week, so I’m going to try to chill out by writing this thing about cults that’s been bouncing around in my head since... oh, like January 6th?   For some reason?     But it’s also about my insanely long OC fanfic slash vanity project slash concept album.  Join me, won’t you?

Okay, so back in... geez 2018?   Has it been that long?   Around October 2018 I started working out the details for the big climax of the “1000 years ago” section of my fanfic.  From the start I had this idea that the Legendary Super Saiyan would be locked into a death struggle with pretty much the entire Saiyan population, led by a Saiyan King who just can’t handle being upstaged.   But I had to figure out a lot of details to make that actually work.   What I finally ended up with was the Jindan Cult. 

Why a cult?  Because I wanted my King character to be the main villain, but also be physically weaker, but also he needed to be powerful enough to challenge the heroine. I came up with all these different ways to beef up his power level without making him a Super Saiyan himself, but ultimately I wanted him to have an army of Siayans at his back.   That led me to consider some sort of magic elixir that would make them all stronger, but especially the king, since he’s ultimately in this for himself.  At first, I considered having him mind-control all of his goons, but I spent the mind control nickel in earlier arcs, and I’ll have to use it again later, because Towa and Demigra use it.   Then I thought of drug addiction, which is sort of like mind control but not literal brainwashing or anything like that.  And that led me to the cult concept.  

One major inspiration for me was the real-life cult called “NXIVM”, which made the news back in 2018 when their leaders started getting arrested, including “Smallville” star Allison Mack.   Every time I read about it, it felt like something from a movie, but it was real.   I guess the celebrity angle made it more bizarre to me, because it’s sort of like “Hey, this isn’t just some group of randos; someone you’ve heard of is in this thing.”   Not that I ever paid much attention to “Smallville”, but you get the idea.  She didn’t just join NXIVM, she eventually became one of the top recruiters.   Some of the character arcs in my fic were my own attempt to understand how a person goes from Point A to Point B. 

The big plot hole, though, in my mind, was that I came up with this whole master plan for the bad guys, but it involved sending wave after wave of Saiyan cultists to die in pointless, unwinnable battles against Luffa.    I couldn’t have them win much, because if they beat her, they’d just kill her, and the story would be over.    It struck me as fishy that these Saiyans would sign up for a war where the casualty rate is 100%, but I tried to lampshade it as best I could.   “Yeah, all those other chumps couldn’t beat Luffa, but I’ll pull it off because I’m special!”   It still seemed a bit unlikely.  

But then 2020 happened, and I guess the main thing I learned from that year was that people will accept almost anything in order to believe a comfortable lie.  The joke I’ve seen on the internet is that we need to retire the expression “avoid it like the plague”, because it turns out a lot of people don’t actually avoid plagues very well at all.   The horrifying thing about COVID-19 is how easily people will accept the climbing death tolls.   “Oh, well this person was already in bad health, so they would have died eventually anyway.”   I don’t want to get too political here, but I’m pretty sure a lot of the anti-mask, coronavirus-is-a-hoax crowd are the same people who made up tall tales about “death panels” in Obamacare.    “They’re gonna euthanize your grandma!” they would say, but now they say your grandma is acceptable losses if it means reopening bars and restaurants.

Actually, I do mean to get political, because holy fuck, Qanon stormed the Capitol Building.    Look, if you don’t believe Joe Biden won the election, I don’t know what to tell you, except please get far away from me, right now.  If you’re not familiar with Qanon, a few years ago some guy on an image board posted a bunch of cryptic messages and claimed to be an important government figure who would know about important things.    People started “deciphering” his “clues” and when he stopped posting new ones they started inventing their own “clues” and interpreting them any way that suited them.    This led to an overarching narrative that Donald Trump was actually part of this massive sting operation to arrest hundreds, maybe thousands of left-wing politicians, celebrities, and whoever else.    Any day now, he was supposed to have Hilary Clinton arrested, and also JFK Junior would somehow show up and help him, even though he’s been dead for 22 years.  Every day, these Qanon guys would add on more bizarre lore to their “theories”, and every day none of their predictions would come true.  Then Trump lost the election, which put them in a bind, because their whole mythology is based on the idea of him saving the world as POTUS, and now he wasn’t even going to be POTUS for much longer.  

I’m pretty sure this had a lot to do with the lies about election fraud.    Trump himself refused to accept defeat, and his supporters didn’t want to accept it either, so they all told each other that it wasn’t real, and they believed each other so much that they dug in their heels.   But then they’d take this stuff to court and the judge would be like “Uh, what evidence do you have of mass voter fraud?” and they would just be like “lol nvm!”  I mean, if there was proof for any of this, why would they not want a judge to see it?   But for Qanon, it was more than just being sore losers.    They needed all their whackamaroo predictions to come true, and Trump losing re-election would upset the applecart.  

So then they started telling themselves that they could win this thing through the boring certification process.   I think it was like, December 14 when all the states had to certify their results.   So they held out hope that nothing was over until then.    Then they pinned their hopes on the Electoral College, and that there would be enough faithless electors to hand Trump the victory, in spite of the voters.   I found this one amusing, since I used to see tumblr suggesting the same thing back in 2016, when they were still trying to come up with ways for Bernie Sanders to win.  

Then they decided Mike Pence could fix everything, because on Jan 6, Congress would officially count the Electoral Votes and formally declare the winner, and Mike Pence would step in and overrule the whole thing, because the Vice-President oversees that process.    Except he just oversees it, he can’t legally change the outcome, especially on a whim.    And then the riot at the Capitol happened, and I’m pretty sure all these Qanon types thought it would mark the beginning of a nationwide uprising, with all seventy-odd million Trump voters going apeshit, but it... didn’t work out that way.  

Then they convinced themselves that everything was building to January 20, because the innauguration was actually a clever trap, and once Joe Biden took the oath of office, he could then be arrested for treason, so you see, they had to make it look like Trump lost the election, because it was the only way to fool Joe Biden into incriminating himself... or... something.   But Jan 20 came and went, so the latest fallback position I heard was that there’s a double-secret REAL inauguration day, and it’s in March, and the January 20 one isn’t legitimate, even though Trump was inaugurated on January 20, 2016, but whatever.    That, or the guy we see in the White House now is actually Trump disguised as Joe Biden, or a Joe Biden android or something.   

I think I sort of understood that Qanon is a cult, but I didn’t really put the pieces together until the events of January unfolded.    Pre-November, it just seemed like a conspiracy theory, without any real timetables or prophecies, like Flat Earth.    But once the end of the Trump Administration was in sight, it really started to look like all the doomsday cults I’ve heard about over the years.  The predicted events wind up failing to come true, and they invent new predictions to explain away the old ones.   It’s not about the veracity of the claims as much as the claims themselves.    People want to believe there’s this whole elaborate explanation for everything.    They wanted to believe that Trump was this hypercompetent superheroic messiah, because the alternative is to face the uncertain reality: that he had no idea what he was doing, and real people were going to suffer for it.  

I think I sort of worked that idea into my fictional cult, but I backed into it.   NXIVM was a sex cult, not a doomsday cult, or an elaborate conspiracy theory, so I was mostly fixated on all the depraved things the cult could do to its members.   But they all share the same lure: a belief system that promises to make everything fit. I’m not sure what the hook was for NXIVM, but Allison Mack didn’t go in thinking about how much fun sex trafficking would be.   That came later, after she was convinced that NXIVM had all the answers, and one of those answers involved sex crimes, apparently.   In the same vein, Qanon attempted to explain mass arrests and executions by claiming that Hilary Clinton eats babies or something.   “Well, I don’t want babies to get eaten, so I guess breaking into the Capitol building seems like a reasonable course of action.”  

Weighed against real life, a bunch of Saiyans accepting a 100% casualty rate doesn’t seem so outrageous.   It also helps that sometimes the leaders of these groups can buy into their own hype, and think they’re infallible when they’re really not.    This week, I started reading the Darth Plagueis novel again, and I’ve seen the Sith from Star Wars referred to as a cult, but I never gave it a lot of thought until I noticed that Plagueis buys into the whole Dark Side of the Force thing a little too hard.   At times, he’ll wax philosophical about how the Jedi are the real bad guys when you think about it, and he’s not just saying that to be manipulative.   He honestly believes that the Sith can save the galaxy from decline, which is stupid and hypocritical, because they’re the ones causing all the decline.    I always got the impression that Darth Sidious understood that it was all about accumulating power as an end unto itself, and any high-minded talk of necessary evil was just to keep the rubes in line.    Rise of Skywalker plays into that idea nicely.   He somehow survived Episode VI, but he let the Empire collapse, because if he can’t rule it, he doesn’t want it to exist at all.   But he’s still playing himself, because he thinks he can win by following the same failed ideology that got all the previous Sith Lords killed.   

That’s pretty much all I have to say about it right now.    I need to move on to other topics, because Towa’s not doing a cult thing, so my fic is moving in a different direction.   But I feel better for getting this out of my head.

[bigbrotherlouis]

for director’s cut: the raleigh/airport scene in ‘i can’t find nothin’...’ if you would like to!!!!

ANGELA you’re gonna make me talk about sex scenes on main?! let’s DO IT

(director’s cut meme)

andrei understands, on some level, why they have to fly commercial, (i’m always going to make players fly commercial in fic if i can. direct action.)   even with a job like theirs, but in practicality, when he’s wandering around the raleigh airport at six am after their flight out is delayed, he doesn’t.

marty’s laughing at him in the way that means he’s trying to be subtle about it, but andrei’s too grumpy to care. (this was for la.) it’s too fucking early and the line for coffee is too fucking long.

“it’s too early,” he whines. marty flips over the book in his hands to read the back cover.

“boo fuckin’ hoo, bud.”

“i’m tired.” and again, in russian, “я устал.”

“не— не— i don’t care,” (i couldn’t remember how to phrase this properly and i didn’t want to look it up, plus it’s funny) marty snaps back. “it’s your own fault for watching tv until one in the morning.”

“it was gossip girl,” he mutters. “important american culture.” (in one of my transition workshops where we learned to handle moving countries, we watched mean girls as an example of american culture. true story.)

“uh huh, and degrassi is exactly how canadian high school was like.” (didn’t like the flow on this sentence but i couldn’t figure out how else to phrase it. oh well.)

andrei is, like, ninety percent sure marty didn’t finish high school in canada, but he’s not willing to take the chance that he’s wrong and get teased about it. “please, can we go to starbucks now? давай, давай.” [let’s go, let’s go] (translation is always a struggle, and even more so when it’s a different alphabet like russian. i decided to include translations when context isn’t immediately clear for the reader’s comfort. also, this is something my family does-- use a different language when we want to stress something, like svechy stressing that he wants to leave)

“talking in russian won’t get me to go any faster, svechy,” marty says, placid for the early morning, and shoves a book into andrei’s hands. “here. read this and distract yourself.”

“i don’t read until i awake.” (svechy’s syntax was hard for me to write, because i want it to be clear, true to character, and respectful all at once which is hard to balance. it’s why svech’s grammar can sometimes seem a little inconsistent-- sometimes, i chose respect and readability over true to characterization. also, transliteration of accents can make people seem childish or dumb which is absolutely not what i want!)

“sucks to suck.”

andrei grumbles under his breath, a mixture of russian and english and some of sebastian’s favourite swedish (this should be finnish. oops.) curses thrown in there too, absently drumming his fingers on the cover of the book he’s still holding. marty is paying him no attention, which almost bothers him as much as the lack of caffeine does.

he’s cocking his head to read the spines of the books in the airport store when he feels the heat of someone step behind him, too close for politeness, and he’s whirling before he can even really think about it. (there really aren’t a lot of places spies can meet up by accident without getting too repetitive, especially in something that’s supposed to be silly and short, but an airport felt plausible.)

“whoa,” says joel, stepping back out of andrei’s elbows. “easy there.”

“joel?”

“in the flesh,” he says with a grin, and andrei’s thinking about how twice is a coincidence but three times is a pattern when (this is me lampshading their constant meetups because i didn’t feel like expounding on it LOL)— “is that twilight?”

“i— what?”

“the book you’re reading.”

andrei looks down at his hands and then scowls in the general direction of the shelves. fucking marty. (this is the whole reason they’re in the bookstore. for me to make this joke about svech holding twilight.)

joel tips his head to the side and grins wider. “didn’t peg (haha peg) you for a vampire guy, but i can see it. wait, fuck, are you from transylvania?” (apologies to americans but this is a little jab at your general geography abilities)

“no, not in in russia,” he says absently. “siberia, yes. transylvania, no. why you here?”

“well, i just like to lurk around airports for fun. you see interesting people like this.”

“really.”

joel snorts. “no, i have a flight, dumbass. i’m a business bitch.” (my rule of thumb for writing joel’s dialogue is to think of the most ridiculous thing i can imagine a person saying in any given circumstance and then assigning him that line.)

“a business bitch?”

“yeah, dude. makin’ money moves n’shit.”

“you’re not following me?” andrei asks, aiming for teasing, pretending it’s not a real question. (more lampshading. i was lazy.) joel makes his eyes go wide and innocent, and mostly doesn’t succeed.

“andrew,” he says, outraged. “are you accusing me of being a stalker?”

“yes.”

“oh, so you’re definitely team edward. (this joke fell into my lap) i see how it is. can’t a bro say hi to his bro in an airport, especially after getting a decent brojob the last time they saw each other?”

andrei mouths the word brojob (i crack up every time this term is used and joel would absolutely say it) and then shakes his head. “no.”

“tough crowd. what are you doing here, buddy?”

“waiting for marty to finish so we can go to starbucks. too early and he is too slow.”

“yeah?” joel looks over at where marty is now examining the overpriced souvenirs with a very careful air, taking them off the shelves and putting them gently back. (i was very into this image) “wanna go stand in line with me?” (high romance there, bee)

strictly speaking, marty and andrei are supposed to be together when travelling, just in case someone gets snatched. it’s happened before, but andrei really, really wants something to drink before they fly out to fucking vancouver, or wherever they’re going. he can’t even remember. besides, if joel was going to snatch him, he would’ve done it earlier, in the hotel when andrei was fucked out and happy. he shrugs. (listen. i didn’t want to do any worldbuilding because it was a fun au so i did the bare minimum.)

“sure. marty, i go to stand in line,” he yells and marty waves a hand without looking up. the line stretches down the hallway, too many people patiently waiting for a rush. (i’m so familiar with this and it makes me sad just writing about it) andrei can’t fault them; he’s tired too, which is why he doesn’t realise that joel’s pulling him towards the bathrooms instead of the coffee shop, pushing him into the family stall and shoving the door closed. (i’m gonna be honest: i have absolutely no idea why i made this a sex scene. like none. i remember being halfway through and being like “....i’m writing?? airport sex??” but i don’t remember why i decided it was a good idea.)

for a second, andrei thinks this is when he gets kidnapped and killed, a rival taking him out in the crowded airport where no one can see. the bulgarian maneuver would’ve been a lot less conspicuous, but oh well. (this is referring to the bulgarian assassins who killed a journalist in the 80s? i think? with a poison-tipped umbrella and i’m just now realising that’s probably not common knowledge)

instead, joel clicks the lock in place and presses up close, plastered to the front of andrei.

“wha—” says andrei, but it’s swallowed up in joel’s mouth, swallowed up in the kiss that joel gives him. he kisses back, of course he does, because it’s a fucking good kiss. joel hums, coaxing his mouth open for a minute and then biting on his lower lip before pulling away. he doesn’t go far, hands skimming down andrei’s body until he drops to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor.

“we are in a toilet,” andrei hisses. “in an airport.” (svech has the practical response)

joel shrugs, giving him the biggest shit-eating grin as he undoes his belt. (joel is never not going to be smug) “guess you have to be fast, then. besides, i owe you one.”

technically, he still got off last time, even if it was pretty basic, it’s not like andrei’s going to say no, not when joel is looking so eager and mischievous.

“don’t make too much noise,” instructs joel, (i realised after i posted the fic that both blowjobs start with someone giving instructions and i’m gonna say it’s because it’s a literary parallel and not because i don’t know how to transition into sexual acts) and then he’s got his mouth on andrei’s dick and andrei can’t think of anything else to say. he bangs his head against the door and clamps a hand over his mouth, digging his fingers of his other hand into the wood behind him.

joel is good enough that andrei’s not going to last long, not like this, getting off on the secrecy of it all. (read: i just didn’t want to write a lot. but also i think svechy has an exhibitionist streak in him and joel definitely does) it’s a tiny bit shameful in the way that makes him groan into his palm, makes him rock his hips into joel’s hot mouth. joel just hums around andrei’s dick and that’s— okay, that’s a lot. andrei’s gonna get a splinter under his nails from digging so hard, or maybe he’s gonna die on the spot, or like something because joel pulls off to just go right back in again and fuck. (fun fact! i’ve never had sex i don’t know what i’m writing)

“fuck,” he hisses through the meat of his hand. “fuck!”

it’s too loud, probably, and joel’s eyes flick up to his with a warning.

“sorry,” andrei breathes. joel pinches his thigh, sharp enough to sting, and embarrassingly, that’s what makes him come with a noise between a breath and a whine.

“baller,” (joel pick something less sexy to say i dare you) joel says smugly when andrei comes back to earth, enough of a douche move that andrei can’t help but roll his eyes. he flicks joel on the cheek.

“you suck.”

he grins. “well, yeah. obviously.” (low hanging fruit but he’d say it so i wrote it)

“idiot,” andrei mutters and then tugs on joel’s shoulders until he stands up, pulls him in until he can nudge at joel’s jaw with his nose. “i help you?”

joel shakes his head, his hair tickling the side of andrei’s cheek. “nah, i like it when you owe me. hey, does it count as being part of the mile high club if we’re still on the ground?” (i was literally in the middle of posting this fic to ao3 before i realised i had not made a mile high joke which was unacceptable. typed it right into the text box)

“no?”

“damn. it’s on my bucket list.”

“you so weird,” andrei tells him, not managing to keep the fondness out of his voice, and then yawns so hard his jaw cracks. “i’ll pay you back with a drink.”

“oh my god,” says joel and then pinches andrei in the side so he twitches. “i just gave you the best airport blowjob—”

“only airport blowjob.”

“the best fucking airport blowjob of your life, and you’re thinking about drinks? fuckin’ ridiculous, andrew.”

“not andrew, yo-el.” (this is svech getting back at joel as best he can. trying to give it as good as he gets it. establishing banter!!)

“sure, bro,” joel mumbles and andrei shoves at him so he can get his pants back on, fumbling with the door. “next time better be fuckin’ phenomenal. you owe me big time.”

“excuse me, you said it was payback. we equal.”

“maybe i changed my mind,” joel says with a grin, bumping him with his hip.

“maybe i disappear forever,” he replies, halfway between teasing and halfway to serious. joel reaches up to fix his snapback (this is also for la.) and shrugs.

“nah, you’re too sweet to do that.”

“i’m not sweet.”

“uh huh, bro. keep tellin’ yourself that shit.”

the line’s gone down, incredibly, and they’re close enough to the counter that andrei has to start thinking about what to order. he should probably get something for marty, or risk getting whined at all flight.

“yo,” says joel when they’re two people away from the barista. “you got digits?”

andrei hesitates and then holds up his hands, wriggling his fingers. “uh. yes?” (it’s probably more in character for real life joel to ask for instagram instead but this joke made me laugh so much that i couldn’t bear to leave it out. also it’s a little fun second language moment)

joel blinks at him for a long second and then breaks out into a wide smile, shaking his head. “nah, not those. i mean, like, a phone number.”

“i don’t have a phone,” he mutters and then pulls one out of his pocket. (YES this is a tumblr post ripoff but svech wasn’t just going to give it up so easily so in it went) “okay, give.”

he dutifully types out the sequence joel rattles off and then sends a smiley face to the number when joel makes him text.

“cool. now we can text instead of ambushing each other in public.”

“that not me,” andrei tells him. “all you.”

“you’re jumpy and it’s cute.”

“i’ll delete your number. block it.” he warns and joel waves a hand.

“yeah, yeah,” he says cheerfully and then leans over to tell the barista what he wants to drink. it’s the most ridiculous sugary concoction, hardly any coffee, and andrei stares at him in horror. (this is projection for my horror at some of the things i’ve seen in american coffee shops. that’s just. so much sugar. also prime chirping opportunity to show their personalities and dynamic a little)

“you gonna drink that?” he asks and joel frowns a little. “is just sugar. candy.”

“yeah, so? it tastes so good.”

“you not gonna have teeth.” he orders two cold brews and pays. “you gonna die early from sugar.”

“somehow,” joel says with a sparkle in his eye, “i don’t think it’s gonna be the sugar that’ll nerf me in the end.” (minor foreshadowing here! also lmao @ the thought of joel saying nerf) 

he gets his vanilla bean java chip unicorn whatever frappuccino— literally, what the fuck— and takes a satisfied sip.

“disgusting,” says andrei. “no more kissing for you.”

“aw, bud, how am i gonna practice? you said i needed it.” (it’s not stated in the fic but joel learned how to flirt from watching tk and patty and i think it shows) 

“lost cause,” he tells him airily. he’s about to suggest something— he’s not even sure what— when someone appears over joel’s shoulder.

“farabee,” the guy says. he looks stern, but that might be the impressive beard. or the death glare he’s levelling andrei’s way. “where the fuck have you been?”

joel brandishes his drink. “caffeinating it up, g. stayin’ alert and awake.” (real life joel has said this at least once to claude, and i will stand by that statement)

g’s frown gets deeper. “we’re going to miss our flight.”

“nah, we’ve got time— oh, shit. yeah, we gotta bounce, bruh, but i’ll catch you later? text me.” (inelegant departure but my goal was to not overthink things in this fic, like i’m prone to do, so i left it) he almost literally get pulled away by his elbow, towed by his ginger friend through the airport so he can enthusiastically wave his goodbye.

“well,” marty says out of nowhere, reaching for his cold brew and making andrei jump. “there’s good news and bad news.”

“okay.”

“the good news is that he’s cute and somehow into your stupid face.” he takes a long drink, conscious that andrei is about to hit him for making him wait and enjoying it very much. (he’s dramatic and also i wanted to draw out the surprise a little) andrei needs new teammates.

“the bad news?” he prompts.

“the bad news,” repeats marty, grimacing. “the bad news is that he’s definitely in the same line of work as us.”([john mulaney voice] the other shoe just dropped.)

everything in andrei’s head grinds to a stop. “uh. what?”

“i recognize his handler. giroux, french canadian division.” (i’m gonna work g into fic when i can bc i love him)

“joel’s american,” he says absently and marty takes another drink, shrugging.

“so philly’s an international cooperation team. (this was my way of making the international aspect of the spy teams make sense, and also to not have this be enemies-to-lovers, as much as i love that trope) can’t imagine that ever happening.” he gives svech a look which, yes, andrei knows they work together because of a treaty or whatever, but still. he wants marty to be wrong about joel, for so many reasons.

mainly because he doesn’t like feeling like he’s been conned, not when he’s so good at doing the conning, and this is a big one. (it’s not my fic if there’s not at least a little angst!)

“fuck,” he says glumly. marty pats him on the shoulder.

“well,” he says. “at least he’s cute.” (marty’s trying to show his support for svech here! he just wants good things for his friend :)))

that was so fun to do, thank you so much for asking! ily!! <3 <3 <3

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 58-61

I hate suspense, so I went ahead and read the plot summary for the next few episodes, so I could relax a bit. Unfortunately, there's a lot of plot decisions that elicit a major "WTF?" from me, so we'll see if they work better in context.

so they're using the Gates as transportation portals now?? This is new, isn't it?? or does it only work with people who have already opened gates?? I'm so confused!!

okay, so ling doesn't know how to use alchemy to heal people? but he can sense homunculi because chi? or is this just something everyone in Xing can do? I'M SO CONFUSED.

[he has a stone but neither he nor Greed know how to use it to heal others, I guess?? why not, though?]

Bucaneer calls Olivier a "queen," which is right on!

Greedling is the best thing about this adaptation, full stop

*sings* "It must be nice, must be nice, to have a homunculus on your side..."

that one random woman looks so much like Danta from FMA03 that I just had to shake myself to make sure I wasn't imagining it

Elicia HAS ECLIPSE GLASSES AND IT'S THE CUTEST THING

I don't understand why Hoheneheim counts as a sacrifice - yes, he was present for the opening in Xerxes, but he did not attempt human transmutation himself (even though the portal was centered around him without his knowledge) I feel like intent matters?? iirc, he wasn't consumed and broken down the way Ed and Al were???

He's also now fused with Father in a weird blob that reminds me of Topaz trapping humans in Steven Universe.

I don't know why Hawkeye hasn't managed to shoot the evil doctor in all this close-quarters fighting. And why isn't Roy using flames? We had a demo earlier with the zombies that he can work around his allies without burning them, so... ???

Mustang is ordered to perform human transmutation so the bad guys can have a fifth person to complete their circle (somehow, alchemy always works in fives?) He refuses, but then they say they'll shoot Hawkeye if he doesn't so he caves.

this "gotta get a complete set" seems really sloppy for Team Bad, because the eclipse is like, any minute now. Seems like they're cutting it really close. You think they could have found/persuaded/forced someone into doing it, given how long they've had to work at this. So I'm just like "???" about this.

(the doctor dude also lampshades this, lol)

also, I'm so confused why the doctor claims Roy can bring anyone he wants back - maybe this was FMA03 I'm thinking of, but it seems like you would need some sort of specific connection to a particularl person in order to bring them back that you couldn't just whip out at a moment's notice??

is there any other way to open the gateway besides human transmutation?? And why doesn't the doctor count, since they've made plenty of philosopher's stones (which involve human transmutation, and is why Hohenheim is a sacrifice in the first place)??

okay, hawkeye isn't dead yet, but he's supposed to transmute her anyway? How does that differ from healing? I'M SO CONFUSED.

anyway, pride shows up and eats the annoying doctor and also makes a transmutation circle with his shadows while Bradley pins Mustang to the floor. o...kay. andthen it just...happens?without roy's consent?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDES

okay, andnow the eclipse is starting, irl they'd have a maximum of 8 minutes at totality to Do The Thing, but who the fuck knows what's happening here since all the characters are UNDERGROUND (how do they even KNOW)

fuck, they're basically raping mustang here since his consent does not matter because pride ate the doctor and the doctor has the knowledge (but that should make him and/or pride the sacrifice, not ROY).

like what the actual fuck

so the doctor gets transmuted, even though he was the one with the relevant knowledge?? I don't get it.

and mustang is automatically transported to be with the other sacrifices - why? how?? how does this even work? is that other circlethey wereusing still active? was it part of pride's set-up for this circle to be dual-purpose?HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

and apparently, it's just one floor below so all they have to do is break the floor??

Roy is blind... but does not physically lose his eyes, which makes NO SENSE, given that Al, Ed and Izumi lost actual physical pieces of themselves.THE FUCK.

ed's like, "this is super fucked up shit, and you don't get to moralize about human nature and hubris if you guys forced him to do this"

pride is basically acting like a kid who had all the time in the world for an assignment and then rushed to complete it at the last possible moment

scar fights bradley, yes FINALLY SOMEBODY KILL THAT DUDE

al's emaciated body is just so heartbreaking, and al's like "no! I can't suddenly move to this incredibly emaciated version of myself before the final battle!" which is actually really smart of him

of course, al's body waits until AFTER his soul leaves to monologue about how al might have just destroyed the entire world. GEE THANKS YOU ASSHOLE.

broussh shows up at the radio station and maria ross is like :????:

Father says the sacrifices are "all in his belly" and we cut to the chimeras on the outside looking at a massive blob - so Father is ALSO a gate???

(ngl: it would make TOTAL SENSE if Father was originally one of the creatures we see when the gate opens, who got pulled into our world by Hohenheim's master... especially since he used Hohenheim's blood? DID HIS MASTER PERFORM HUMAN TRANSMUTATION? WOULDN'T IT BE AWESOME IF WE ACTUALLY GOT SOME ANSWERS??)

(okay, this is my working headcanon now)

May's like "I'M GONNA TAKE 'EM" and I'm like "aww, heck yeah girl!"

it's really appropriate that Scar--Formerly Consumed by Anger--is fighting Wrath, who ordered the Amestrian equivalent of Order 66 on Ishval.

scar put a reconstruction circle on his other arm, how Symbolic

FATHER MAKES A GUN OUT OF HIS OWN BODY WITH EYES AND TEETH

no seriously, what the fuck did I just witness

Al apologizes to Hohenheim in case he hits him when he attacks father, bless that boy

Izumi makes A GIANT FUCKING CROSSBOW, did I mention I love her?

the personal gates of all of the sacrifices open - so they have giant eyes in their stomachs, wtf

father wants to open.. the planet's gate??

(this ties in with the alkahestry and chi, but... what?)

okay, the country-wide transmutation circle activates and everyone dies

Pinako (who knows Hohenheim is involved with this shit): Hohenheim, I'm gonna slug you. AND DAMN WELL YOU SHOULD MA'AM.

then the gates open and Father challenges God to a fistfight

... and God answers??

[apparently God lives in the sun, and only comes out during an eclipse??? looks just like the usual gate-eye-tentacle creature, tho]

okay, so we get our answer as to why an eclipse: male + female, sun + moon, = perfect being = immortality.

apparently there's a rule that all megalomaniacal shounen villains end up looking the same, because Father looks just like Aizen''s final form from Bleach now, except with more eyes.

Father ate God and now he's young and hot and mostly naked again.

He negates alchemy and creates a miniature sun in his hand because he can.

I hope God gives him indigestion or something.

Oh, wait, Hohenheim had a plan after all... THOUGH APPARENTLY 50 MILLION PEOPLE HAD TO DIE FIRST, WAY TO GO THERE

turns out he's been letting bits of his philosopher stone around amestris on his travels so that father would eat them and they'd tear him apart from the inside

... and the circle for the alchemy is the moon's shadow on the earth.

[I don't know if the astronomy actually works out, but it's very nifty nonetheless]

anyway, everybody's soul returns to their bodies, and everyone wakes up. IDK how their bodies handle having been functionally brain dead, but we're just gonna say it all works out, okay?

ooh, and everyone REMEMBERS WHAT JUST HAPPENED so they’re all like “...the fuck??”

scar saves the world by activating the reverse transmutation circle over the center that all the Ishvalans set up during the time skip

instead of blood you just need circles drawn on paper for reconstruction? why did Team Evil go to so much trouble to murder people instead?

father spends this whole fight looking like a very ripped hohenheim in a bathrobe around his waist OMG

pride calls ed his brother and I think this was handled better in 03 with Envy, but w/e. anyway he's going to take over ed's body but kimblee steps in and stops him

(man, this fucker again!!!)

kimblee's like "lol, I just like being a contrary bitch"

pride is reduced to a little baby, which Ed calls "Selim" and puts on his red jacket... okay...

well that was a trip.

cannot fault the manga-ka for ambition and epic scale here, but also: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH.

[burnedbyshoto]

burnedbyshoto sleepover

in lieu of reaching 5,000 followers, we are having another sleepover. due to the lateness of this all, this will begin as soon as it is posted, so have fun!

what am I taking?:

f m k

m o s t  t o  l e a s t  l i k e l y

o p i n i o n s  o n  t h i s

a s k  m e  a n y t h i n g

and as always:

p r o m p t s

just as seen before this event will end on January 19 at 11:59 p.m. PST (look at what time california is in if that confuses you). This time I have gathered prompts for you, go ahead and check them out below!

to submit a prompt, make sure to include the following:

character, category/categories, number(s)

if you do not do this I will choose whatever I want, and that’s no fun. I will also not repeat the same number for the same character. so if there are 7 asks for “dabi, angst, 7″ I will do the first one and thats it :) also there’s so many, im sorry LMAO

Fluff:

“It’s too cold! Come back!”

“No, I’m never letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”

“I’m not gonna stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What? Does that feel good?”

“I don’t like [x], I like you.”

“If it wasn’t for you, I’d be so lost. I’m so glad you came into my life.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“Us… I like the sound of that.”

“You always know what to say.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“Are you stupid or stupid?”

“Come here, you tiny smug bastard.”

“Just let me lean on the damn cart!”

“This might sound selfish, but I don’t care about the world - I only care about you!”

“Stop staring at me like that.”

“I know how this goes. First, you buy me a drink, then you tell me how pretty I look, and then, at the end of the night, you ask for my number.”

“Don’t get too close to that one, she’ll singe your fingertips and have you on your knees.”

“You have nothing to be insecure about.”

“Take notes, kitten”

“______, we have a problem.” “I’ve been gone for like two minutes.”

“I bet he’ll have that lampshade on his head two shots in.” 

“Does it look like I know what sleep is?”

“No, keep it. I want you to have it.”

“Fine, yes, I did do it for 3 dollars and a lollipop.”

“If you’re gonna make fun of me…”

“Oh my God, …we’re gonna be homeless.”

“Why’d you let go of my hand? Did I say something?”

“I know I kissed you before, but I didn’t do it right. Can I try again?”

“I don’t regret every second with you, I treasure them.”

“He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.”

“Today is the day I beat you in a thumb war!”

“I want everyone in the world to know you’re mine.”

“You’re so needy.”

“Need I remind you that your ring finger already belongs to me?”

“OH, you’re jealous!”

“Please just kiss me already.”

“I think you might be my soulmate.”

“I could punch you right now.”

“You’re insane,” “You love me,” “Not right now I don’t.”

“I’m going to fucking smack you in a minute, I swear.” - “That’s not very nice.”

Send in your own!

Angst:

“Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go.”

“I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.”

“You deserve someone who values you.”

“I don’t like [x], I like you.”

“I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”

“Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”

“I’ve been alone for so long.”

“It isn’t up for debate.”

“I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

“You take me instead, do you hear me? Give her back and take me instead.”

“You would risk the lives of millions for one person? Why?” - “Because it’s not just one life…it’s yours.”

“This might sound selfish, but I don’t care about the world - I only care about you!”

“It’s okay to break.”

“You don’t have to carry the weight of the world all by yourself, you know?”

“You’re a coward, (Name)! You hide away this entirely different part to yourself because you’re afraid that someone might get close to you! You’re afraid that someone might just care about you more than you think you deserve. That - that isn’t fair.”

“Why are you so dead set on this?”

“I find that being a coward keeps me more alive, so no thanks.”

“You can’t tell that I am in love with you because you were too busy loving someone else to notice me.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m done waiting.”

“All I want is for you to look at me the way you look at them.”

“It was a blatant lie when you said that you love me, but I don’t care.”

“Have you ever loved me? You know what, don’t say anything, we all know the answer.”

“It’s time to stop lying to ourselves.”

“Can I convince you to stay?”

“You were no good for me and I was too naive to see that.”

“You did a wonderful job convincing people that you love me, I almost fell for it.”

“I’ve finally come to accept the fact that you will never think I’m good enough for you.”

“I’m sorry, I think you got the wrong number.”

“Whoever you want to be with right now, that person is not me.”

“I’m sorry that I’m not who you wanted me to be.”

“I thought there’s something wrong with me. Turns out, it’s all you.”

“You used to look at me like that.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if things could have worked out.”

“You know what’s funny? No matter what you’ve done, I’ll still fall for you all over again.”

“Say it, say you don’t love me.”

“I had been in love with you for my entire life and you decided to love me back when I finally gave up.”

“Your ego stopped you from loving me, how sad is that.”

“We aren’t meant to be, can’t you tell?”

“I’m sorry, but…I don’t remember you.”

“I am begging on my knees. Please, don’t do this.”

Send in your own!

Cliches/Situations:

There’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow you’re close

You confessed your feelings and we’re about to kiss but we get interrupted

We dated in high school but then you moved away but now you’re back in town

I need a date for this wedding

“Do you trust me?”

I’m going to save you from the terrible date you’re having

You took a bullet for me

“I’ve been in love with you for years.”

I called you at 2 am because I need you

I’m scared but won’t admit it so you take my hand

“I’m in your body!”

Holding out their arm in front of s/o’s view to prevent them from being shot.

Suddenly pulling them in for a dance.

Watching them sleep in the early morning. 

Pleading for s/o to keep walking toward them in the midst of destruction, hand outstretched and desperate. 

Holding their hair back as they vomit into the toilet. 

Taking them to a pet store and falling in love with them as they gush over the millions of puppies. 

Singing together/catching them singing softly to themselves as they cook/do the dishes. 

Video calling them because they miss them. 

Showing up at a club after they’ve called them, drunkenly needing their presence, and then taking them home. 

Breaking up in the middle of the pouring rain/watching them through the rear-view mirror as they drive away. 

Bouncing on a trampoline when they should be adulting/going to work.

Helping them with their homework, then proceeding to distract them. 

Taking them a bath after a long day/mission gone awry. 

Bandaging them up, scolding them for getting themselves hurt. 

Willingly becoming the bait in a mission to save them. 

Going on a mission together, partnering up as husband and wife. 

Fighting side by side, arms raised, guns up in the middle of a battle. 

Calling them during a panic attack, having them rush over to sooth them.

Distancing themselves in order to keep them safe. 

Losing their memory only to have it come back after a much-awaited true love’s kiss. 

Watching over them while they’re in a coma, never leaving their side, never sleeping because they want to be there when they wake up. 

Being in denial about them actually being in love with them. 

Having to erase s/o’s memory of them so they can remain safe. 

Choosing someone else over them. 

Training with them/sparring with them. 

Wrapped up in a sheet after a drunken night, flustered and trying to find their clothes while they watch you amusingly.

Waking up to them making you breakfast while half-naked.

Being utterly touch starved and too shy to ask to be held, so they resolve to brush their fingers against a part of s/o’s skin, etc.

Being the overly protective one during the pregnancy, doing everything for their s/o.

Send in your own!

Smut

“Underwear is optional.”

“Would you prefer my tongue or my cock?”

“There are only two acceptable options: either you eat me, or I’m going to eat you.”

“Remember this: your body belongs to me, and me alone.

“Your body seems to have other ideas.”

“Can you help me take care of this boner?” - “Take care of it yourself!” - “Well, it’s your fault it’s there in the first place!”

“Tonight, no hands are allowed -- only your mouth is acceptable.”

“If you keep moaning like that, you’re going to wake everyone else up.”

“I want you to watch me when I fuck you.”

“Not until you properly beg for it.”

“Don’t worry…I’ll make sure to take my sweet time punishing you.”

“I’m hard.” -  “Sounds like a personal problem.”

“No need to fantasize when the real thing is right in front of you.”

“Stop teasing me, fuck!”

“You know, you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

“You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat.”

“You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want? I could really hurt you.”

“If you’re going to act like a little brat then I’m going to treat you like a little brat.”

“I don’t care how good it feels you’d better not cum until I tell you to.”

“I bet you think you’re really cute letting them put their hands all over you. We’ll see how cute you look later when I get you home.”

“You don’t have to be gentle with me, I don’t break easily.”

“You take my fingers so well don’t you?”

“Did I stutter? Do as you’re told!”

“Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already shaking.”

“If you keep making those sounds I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

“Take it off. Slowly.”

“Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

“Pushing back against my fingers already? How pathetic.”

“Did I say you could stop?”

“I need you. Now!”

“Well since you want to cum so badly, why don’t we see how many times I can make you cum right now.”

“Come sit on my face, let me show you how much I missed you.”

“So desperate for it, aren’t you? Well, if you want it so bad you’d better start taking it.”

“If you leave the house wearing that then the second you get back home I’m going to bend you over that bed.”

“Maybe I should leave you like this, that way anyone who wanted to use you could have a go with you. Would you like that?”

“You know, you look really pretty when you cry.”

“Look at you, grinding against everything, you’re really desperate for it. Aren’t you?”

“You know, there wasn’t a single thing to eat in the kitchen until you walked in.”

“Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.”

Send in your own! 

Types of Kisses

Small kisses littered across the other’s face.

A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.

Throwing their arms around the other person’s neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.

Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.

French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.

Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand.

A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each other’s breaths.

A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.

Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

Butterfly kisses against the other’s cheeks.

A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person

Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.

One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.

Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in a mixed company.

A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.

Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear.

Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.

Staring at each other’s lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

Weak, sweaty kisses because it’s unbearably hot.

Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.

An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

Starting with Eskimo kisses before moving on to soft kisses.

Whispering “I love you” before a chaste, delicate kiss.

Kissing tears from the other’s face.

Kisses shared under an umbrella.

Distracting kisses from someone that is meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.

A kiss pressed to the top of the head.

Tentative kisses that are given in the dark.

One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.

A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck.

A single loving kiss left on the other’s forehead when they fall asleep snuggled close together.

comforting kisses pressed to tear-stained cheeks between whispered words of reassurance and concern.

Send in your own!

[theangrypokemaniac]

Random Irritations

The People's Republic of Galar

Red bus? Racists.

Crude cultural appropriation starts as it means to go on with infamous cliché.

As if you get red buses in market towns. I mean, I ask yer.

Never seen a single-decker red bus in me life.

Never seen a single red bus in me life, except for when I visited That London.

Never again, my friends. Never again.

Not only no bloody door, bloody door hole's on wrong bloody side.

Yer gotta take yer life in yer hands and stand in the middle of the road to board a bloody bus these days.

First the Harrying of the North, now this.

Have they not suffered enough?

Yes fellas, it is He: the Son of God.

Pokémon S.S. is so terrible even these writers won't touch it, and that takes some doing.

Unsurprising however, given Galar glorifies Leon, a mauve-mulleted Eighties throwback chav in white tights under Daz-fresh boxers.

There is a green hill far away

Without a city wall,

Where Our Dear Lord was crucified

He died to save us all!

The Saviour's shower cap stadium resembles an inverted lampshade from a Victorian whore's bedroom.

Or I'm looking up a jellyfish minge.

This anatomical monstrosity is home to the World Coronation Series, an event open to all, not that Gen. Ten and Eleven have much representation.

Ah yes, that never-before- mentioned-and-yet-so-very- famous competition, suddenly the be-all and end-all of everyone's lives, so desperate are they to grasp a fleeting battle with Saint Leon, A.K.A. The Mauve Golden One.

Nay, to bask in His shadow shall suffice! Such a towering titan of epic manliness He be!

As a Communist territory, Galar is a shithole with a severe backlog of nuclear waste.

Barrel upon barrel of radioactive gunge piled up in the earth, until the very ground was as thin and brittle as a Jacob's Cream Cracker.

All it takes is Bellsprout's leaf slicing through the tarmac, and BAM!, there's hell to pay.

Jumbo Chu!

In true comic style, one sniff of luminous asbestos turns normal Pokémon into hideous, super-powered mutants.

Pah. Giovanni was pulling this stunt twenty years ago at Pokémon Land. Yer never saw him make a big deal about it.

Such fragile terrain means every building site, archeological dig or graveyard is a bloody death trap.

Dare so much as disturb the soil and wildlife freaks start kicking over skyscrapers like Godzilla storming Tokyo.

And that ain't very festive when you're trying to bury Nana.

Here's a magical land where trains:

A. Arrive.

B. Arrive on time.

C. Are clean.

D. Are spacious.

E. Provide silver-service dining.

F. Are well within the budget of a pair of kids.

G. Don't have pissed passengers slumped in the corner.

Oh now we're in the realms of fantasy.

Given the lack of custom and rural destination, this must be prior to Doctor Beeching's infamous cull of services.

The villain!

Lads, count yer blessings to be spared the soul-depleting trauma of the filthy Underground.

With them backpacks and demented eyes, folk'd mistake yer for suicide bombers.

And they'd be right, 'cause this cartoon's trying to top itself.

I think it's more than leaves on the line this week, Maureen.

Like many fat 'uns, Snorlax neglected his personal hygiene, and washed himself with a rag on a stick.

Sure enough, add a little bit of toxic seepage and the entire Mushroom Kingdom sprouted from his belly button.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Unable to fit in his specially-adapted bungalow, even with windows removed, Jumbo Lax laid his corpulence on the railway to end it all.

Goodnight Vienna!

Cursing his fate, eyes glimmering with Satan's flames, Jumbo Lax vowed to take us all with him, for if he can't eat his entire body weight in Ginsters and not suffer the consequences, then no one can.

Can't so much as commute to work without being murdered in a trainwreck thanks to bloody subterranean leakage.

And they said fracking was safe.

Soft Southern Sissies wrote Pokémon, proven by their terror of what lurks beyond the cosy metropolitan bubble.

I didn't half panic when the boys headed off to the Wild Area:

Not Moss Side? That's the last we'll see of them!

Nah, turned out to be just some fields.

...

The word you're looking for there is 'countryside'.

I remember when this show was all about lighting fires in the woods and sleeping under the stars.

Now anything green is held at arm's length, for fear it might be catching, with it all neatly contained in one fenced-off sector of the Soviet map.

Say goodbye to foraging, drinking from rivers, week-long hikes and anything resembling hardship.

Our designated heroes are a couple of bed-wetting Townies treating nature like a rancid turd poked with a stick.

If either of these invertebrate milksops ever encountered a speck of dirt they'd run home screaming.

And every kid's like No-Go: a zombified slave to his smart phone life support, rolling into a fœtal position after losing the internet for ten minutes.

It ain't meant to be a bloody documentary!

Look at the screen, not the view. That's you all over.

It ain't Pokémon no more. You can forget that nonsense right now.

It's different.

It's fresh.

There's gonna be some changes.

It shall be renamed Pokémon Journeys.

This is the beginning.

This is the future.

This is the true way, my children.

Well until Gen. Nine comes along anyway, at which point it'll never have happened.

But until that dark day, this is the correct incarnation.

It must be christened anew, set apart from the past.

Hence Pokémon Journeys.

As opposed to all those journeys Ash used to have, walking everywhere, camping, the nomad's existence.

Certainly not. Nature is so ewwwww these days.

You don't understand. It's deep.

This is 'journey' in a reality T.V sense. You know, spiritual, oooh so spiritual.

Well it certainly isn't literal.

Ash wakes up on his orthopædic mattress, puts in his teeth, takes public transport, and is always back before ten to eight to get curtains drawn.

No way is he missing his slippers and mug of cocoa, because he lives life on the edge.

...

Should've called it Pokémon Pensioner Day Trips.

[mittensmorgul]

I'm sure you're overwhelmed with asks, so if this drowns no worries! Just wondering your thoughts on how much Dean was eating this ep, bacon, hot dog, that other thing I missed, also casually drinking from a flask in the afternoon. Usually he is a drown in whisky guy, but switched to food for this one, would you count that as growth? Or was it meant to drive home the "meat man" thing? Both?

heck hi! I fully intend to write about this when I get to my rewatch notes. Which I’m hopefully gonna be starting here in a bit, but it’ll probably take me until tomorrow to get all the way through it.

I’ve reblogged a lot of other posts that have touched on it since you sent this message last night (sorry for the delay!), so I hope some of those have helped tide you over in the meantime. :D

But heck YES. There’s so many past episodes where Dean has sat eating a pile of bacon, and it’s almost universally been a Grief Bacon situation. 13.05, hung over and eating Mt. Baconmore wearing sunglasses at breakfast, just hours before he literally kills himself out of grief. 13.14, where he declares that if bacon is the thing that kills him, then he wins-- with the whole mission with Cas to kill Gog and Magog and “I don’t get words wrong” and their COMPLETE BREAKDOWN OF COMMUNICATION before they headed out about why Cas felt he was brought back-- for the mission, to protect jack, and dean had zero to do with it and was not enough of a reason, or possibly not even a reason AT ALL. 

Bacon is a Sad Thing for Dean. Literally kummerspeck.

And this is how Dean behaves (looking back at like 13.05 and all the things Sam tried to do for him to “cheer him up” or whatever, but also at like 12.18 where he’s nearly sacrificed to an old god at a meat packing plant and goes on and on about meat at a time when Cas wasn’t answering his calls and had disappeared from his life again). He eats his feelings. Bacon, waffles, chili fries, burgers, pie, donuts, croissookies... he’s an equal opportunity indulger.

I just reblogged a post about the other thing he was eating-- PRETZELS. He just stood there, casually munching pretzels. I mean, where did he even GET this food? The pretzels OR the hot dog? Like???

But the bacon was the most interesting scene of all to me, not only for his repeated declarations that he’s the “Meat Man,” but for his entire interaction with Sam about it, and what it says about their relationship as a whole.

Sam... is an adult man. And yet for some reason he’s been asking DEAN to buy veggie bacon for him? And rather than giving up on ever converting Dean to his “hippie Sarah McLachlan grass-eater crap,” which Dean mouthed along to word for word so this is clearly Dean’s stance on it, Sam continues to just bemoan the fact that he’ll never have his veggie bacon himself. He’s missing the entire point that Dean shouldn’t have to provide it for him, nor should Dean’s refusal to buy it mean that Sam can’t choose it for himself. Nor does it mean that Dean should change what HE likes to accommodate what Sam wants.

But it’s more than that, because Sam had to go and hang multiple bacon-flavored lampshades for us in this episode. He insisted that Dean must not know what “Meat Man” actually means, or that Dean somehow doesn’t realize what it sounds like when he says it. Dean actually sits there for a second before replying that yes, he knows exactly what it means. He’s coded veggie bacon as female, going so far to tie it specifically to Sarah McLachlan, who among other things is known for the Lilith Fair promoting an all-female lineup. Also, possibly her biggest/best known song was called “Angel” and makes EVERYONE cry, I mean... talk about a multi-layered reference here for what’s actually underlying dean’s issues here.

And Dean is perfectly comfortable admitting to Sam that yes, he does know exactly what it means, and he’s gonna keep eating his man meat. Because he’s the meat man. Meanwhile, that’s not what Sam wants for himself, and Dean will never provide for him what he wants, because Sam is a grown-ass man who can provide for himself, and yet he isn’t. Because like Dean was in early s13, and early s14 for a different reason, Sam is drowning in his memories (inflamed by his current weird dreams that he’s still unaware are probably a direct result of his God Wound), and no matter what he does, he’s not feeling better about any of it. The relief he’d hoped would come from “winning” here hasn’t materialized, because a) the cost was too high for him to accept it as a true win with Rowena’s apparent death, and 2) he doesn’t yet know that he hasn’t actually won and is still trapped in Chuck’s story, like Dean didn’t realize he was still trapped in Michael’s fake Rocky’s bar in 14.10.

Heck this is a lot of symbolism to put on food, isn’t it?

Dean got all excited about a BEAVER while eating those pretzels. And he actually got to have a conversation with Toby the dude in the beaver suit while eating the hot dog. And he declared it all awesome.

But that conversation at the crime scene when Dean took a drink from his flask? That’s the pin that holds the rest together. Because it was about Sam as much as Dean. I really need to go back and watch the scene and quote lines, but I don’t have time right now, so I’ll sum it up as Sam finally FINALLY realizing that no matter how much he wishes he could, he can no longer run away and pretend that the monsters aren’t out there. He can’t just go off and live behind a white picket fence with some random woman and pretend his entire life hadn’t happened, like he’s tried to do in the past-- where we found him in the pilot living with Jessica and pretending to be normal, or like he tried to do with Amelia for a year without ever telling her the truth about his life. It had never truly worked for him in the past, and it took him until now to truly admit that to himself. Which... is good, because character growth, but so painful to him that it’s only adding to his current suffering.

okay, I gotta run, but I do actually have more to say about this in context of the episode, but this is a good start. So i’m gonna post it :D

[volturialice]

Spork Haven chapters 3-4: béarnaise fucking sauce

welcome to spork haven, where I spork the EL James fic you’ve never heard of

previous chapter | next chapter | contents

previously on Spork Haven: 

actor!Edward was assaulted by “crazy bitch” Tanya but it’s ok he’s a man it’s fine. Hotel maid!Bella hit her head on a table and nearly bled out but it’s ok Edward promised not to tell on her it’s fine

chapter 3 begins with the sentence “Day three is disastrous day two.” okay then. the disaster Edward is referring to is that the director is mad about the hickeys on his neck left by that nasty slut Tanya. the producer orders him to “keep it in his pants,” which offends Edward not because Tanya abused him but because he doesn’t like the word “pants:” 

apparently he’s also a pirate now. what fun. for those of you keeping track at home, we have now learned that in England, fries are called chips and pants are called trousers. thanks erika! 

anyway, he heads back to the hotel and waits in rapt anticipation for Bella, but when she shows up she’s upset because the guy in the room next door assaulted her, or as Edward tells us:

he freaks out, goes next door, punches the dude in the face, and threatens him by “[treading] very hard on his bollocks.” when he gets back, Bella notices that his hand is hurt, so she puts ice on his knuckles. it’s the most erotic thing Edward has ever experienced in his life, so naturally they kiss and his “dick is bursting out of [his] trousers.” 

Edward apologizes, telling Bella he “can’t make love to her” because she was just assaulted and is also still on the clock. with that, Bella finally remembers to turn down the bed! thank god. for a second I thought he was gonna have to switch to calling her “knuckle ice Babe” and also sleep on the floor 

she leaves, and we get to read this stunningly crafted sentence:

thus marks the first instance of what I suspect is about to become another pattern: personifying Edward’s dick.

and onto chapter 4! back on the set of this unnamed movie, Edward is polite to “delectable” Tanya, only calling her a crazy bitch twice in his head. I’m a little confused by erika’s use of “delectable” here because I thought she knew what it meant—she also used it to describe Bella in the previous chapter. he also gets to read some lines with Angela, who he likes because she is a brunette like Bella and therefore not a whore (I passionately wish I were making this up.) but mostly he’s just horny for Bella again.

he heads back to the hotel, where Erika’s Rule is still very much in effect as he eats dinner:

...but Bella doesn’t show up on time to turn down the bed! where could she be? it’s a big problem because Edward is horny and also because

that’s right, folks: he can’t get into bed unless someone else turns down the covers. how does one even uncover a bed, anyway? do you have to graduate from Bed College with a BA in Uncovering? is there some kind of special equipment involved? a Bed Key he could use, perhaps? 

I’m starting to think the reason Edward doesn’t own a bed in Twilight isn’t because he doesn’t sleep or fuck but because he straight up doesn’t know how beds work.

at last, Bella arrives! but she’s sending out some confusing signals

she tells him the nasty guy next door has checked out, and also that she’s left Edward’s room for last, which Edward interprets to mean that she definitely wants to fuck. but lest we forget he’s a gentleman, he offers her a beer from the minibar first 

and they go on to have the world’s most riveting conversation. things we learn: she’s from outside New Orleans. she’s new to this job. she lives in the hotel. Edward hates his fans. oh, and Bella knows European history:

god she’s so sexy you guys...the way she just [clenches fist] knows about the French Revolution...nut

Edward goes on to complain about his job once more, which. I thought I was gonna have to look for an image of tiny violins but Edward’s inner monologue beat me to the punch

thanks for the lampshade, erika. anyway they kiss some more, they’re very horny, and then—oh no! what’s this? there’s a knock at the door and it’s Tanya! she calls Edward “darling,” which makes Bella big sad and she gets up and leaves, but not before

(just in case we thought she was girding her literal loins)

and that’s the end of the chapter! sacre bleu quelle cliffhangère

best “fucks”

y’all already saw them it’s the fucking metaphorical loins and the béarnaise fucking sauce

best “shits”

next chapter: a fucking neanderthal

[aliofvalhalla]

Little Miracle

For the quote, “You haven’t even touched your food.. what’s going on?”

You stared at the lampshade across the room. You hadn’t really noticed how beautiful it’s pattern was before; little, terracotta and maroon diamonds separated by gold criss-cross lines that glowed with the light from within. The material things around it had long since faded from your, what was now, tunnel vision. You don’t know why you’d chosen that lampshade, but it was now so much more interesting than anything else in the room. An interesting distraction. The chosen object for your mind to zone out into and forget what was really important. You must’ve looked like a wide-eyed crazy person to Jesse, who was now desperately waving a hand into your field of view and calling out.

“Y/N? Helloooo? You in there?” He chuckled, before growing more concerned at your lack of response, “Y/N, are you alright, sugar?”

Suddenly his voice penetrated your ears and you were quickly brought back to your reality. Sitting in your apartment, across from the love of your life; your food going cold as he was half-way through his own. You coughed slightly, blinked and painted on a smile, “Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Jess. I zoned out.”

“Yeah, I know.” He looked at you; uncertain and worried, “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes.” You picked up your fork and began playing with the spaghetti on the plate in front of you, in danger of ‘zoning out’ again to avoid the issue plaguing your mind.

Jesse sighed and put his own fork down in favour of reaching across the dark wood table to take your hand in his, gently caressing the back of your hand with his thumb as he smiled softly at you. In all the years he’d known you, he’d come to learn that you didn’t like to ‘burden’ him with your problems. You figured he had enough to worry about considering his line of work. He wished you wouldn’t take so much on alone.

“You haven’t even touched your food...what’s going on?”

Despite your nerves taking away your appetite, you took a bite, for his sake, before raising your eyebrows and meeting his gaze fully for the first time this evening, “I’m okay. I was just thinking and got carried away with my thoughts, that’s all.”

You squeezed his hand in reassurance, but he still wasn’t buying it. He pulled his hand away and ran it through his hair, “I know you, Y/N…better than anyone…and I know there’s somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me.”

He was frustrated, you could tell, but he never raised his voice at you.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds before sighing and opening them again. This was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. You had to tell him no matter what the outcome.

“Jess, I…” You paused, not quite knowing how to phrase it. He waited. You looked into his beautiful, chocolate brown irises again, “I fainted at work this morning.”

His brow furrowed in concern as he pushed his plate aside to lean forward; arm resting on the table, “What? Why didn’t you tell me?” He reached out to lay the back of his hand across your forehead, presumably to check your temperature, “Do ya feel alright now, sweetpea?”

You took that hand in both of yours, “I’m fine. I just…”

He cut you off, his teeth gritted, “I swear if they’ve been overworkin’ ya again, I’ll…”

This time you didn’t let him finish, “Jesse, could you listen, baby?”

He nodded and gave an apologetic look as you cleared your throat.

“So, after I fainted, my boss sent me home and told me I should see a doctor.” He nodded again, willing you on; hand still in yours, “I wasn’t going to at first, but then I remembered that I was super sick last week, and I’ve been unusually tired these last few days…so I went to the doctor.”

He looked tortured to know what was wrong, “And?”

“…and I know that we were told I’d never…” His face turned from concern to disbelief and you knew he’d figured it out already, “…never have kids, but, Jess, I’m…”

His voice seemed strained and his second hand gripped tightly around your clasped ones, “Really? You’re…”

“Pregnant.” You almost whispered.

He stood from his chair quicker than you think you’d ever seen him move before and made his way to your side just as you were standing to meet him. He pulled you in for a hug and then pulled back, but never lost contact. His hands remained at your waist and his forehead touched yours. You noticed a single tear leave his right eye as he looked deep into your eyes and whispered, “Really?”

You nodded against him with an uncertain smile playing at your lips before he captured them in a sweet, loving kiss that made you question why you’d ever been scared to tell him. You felt consequent tears fall onto your cheeks from both yours and his eyes as you stood there, just holding each other for a few peaceful moments.

Jesse pulled back, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear as he did so and looked at you with such adoration, heat rose to your face and butterflies danced around the growing life inside of you. You leaned up to peck his nose and smiled, “You’re gonna be a dad.”

He chuckled through his tears as your delicate fingers gently brushed them away. But then it seemed he’d remembered so many questions, so suddenly, “Why didn’t you want to tell me, darlin’? You didn’t think I’d be mad or upset did ya? What did the doc say, everythin’ good? Faintin’ can’t be good, right?”

You giggled at his suddenly flustered state and wrapped your arms around his neck. You tried to address some of his worries, “The doctor ran some tests, and everything looks great right now. I get some more results back in a few days, but she said not to worry too much as baby seems healthy. We also scheduled an official first scan.” You paused briefly to caress his cheek softly, “I did want to tell you Jess, I was just afraid of how you’d react. What with your job and with me being told it was never an option, I didn’t want to scare you away or…”

He cut you off again, but this time with a kiss. Afterwards he grinned wide, “There is no one on this whole damn planet that I would rather start a family with than you…nothing matters more to me than you. Damn…we’re gonna have a baby, baby!”

He picked you off the ground by your waist and spun you as you giggled. He returned you to the steadiness of the ground and glanced towards the abandoned table then back to you, “You’re gonna need to eat something though.”

You looked at the forgotten spaghetti on your plate and sighed. He turned your head to face him with a single finger and pecked your nose. He lay a hand on your stomach and looked at it in awe, “How about the three of us go into town…to that restaurant you love, huh?”

You smiled and hugged him, “That sounds amazing!”

You left his embrace and made a start on clearing the table, but as you picked up a plate of cold spaghetti, he caught your wrist in his hand, took the plate from your grasp and returned it to the table, “Leave it…I’ll deal with it when we get back.”

You smiled as you linked your arm with his and headed for the front door. Jesse put on his jacket and watched you closely as you did the same. You caught him staring, “What?” You chuckled, becoming secretly shy under his unwavering gaze.

“I love you, Y/N.” Was his sincere reply.

“I love you too, Jesse.”

He moved closer and cradled your stomach with both of his hands as you watched in wonder, “And I love you too, little miracle.”