#gonna only be working 16 now unless i get asked to come in on wednesday or thursday

[ambersky0319]

welp

did call in sick

hated every second of it

[therenlover]

Red Nights In Jupiter (A Jimmy Darling/Reader Oneshot)

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Tags: Cuddling, Prostitution, Wound Care, Hurt/Comfort, Referenced Past Non-Con (it’s not Jimmy, don’t worry), Implied Sexual Content/Innuendo

Rating: 16+

Warnings*: Mentioned Police Officer Abusing Their Power, Referenced Non-Con, Jimmy Drinks A Beer, Non-Graphic Wound Care 

Word Count: 3000~

* - This fic includes a reader who is a prostitute and has recently been taken advantage of by a police officer in exchange for not going to jail. There are no graphic scenes and it's mentioned only a couple of times in passing, but the ending portion of the fic is Jimmy helping the reader recover from wounds (just bruises/scratches) they got during the incident. If this is potentially triggering, please steer clear!

This fic has been crossposted under the same title to my AO3!

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“How did the show go tonight?” You mumbled, mouth full of toothpaste.

“It wasn’t anything special,” Jimmy responded as you spit, “some dumb kids snuck in a couple of rotten tomatoes but their aim was shit. Nobody got hit, so I’ll consider it a success,”

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder over the tiny kitchen sink in his trailer, clumsily going through the motions to wind down from an exhausting day. Outside the sky was a deep red. The last of the sun’s dying light shimmered over the ferris wheel as it made its last run, cutting through the muggy Jupiter air. In the last weeks of July, everything was sweltering. Even the walls of the little trailer were hot enough to leave a burn in the full heat of the noontime sun. Thankfully for you, as the sun receded so did the worst of the scalding heat, leaving behind a hot, wet, and thick fog over the nighttime landscape.

Jimmy finished washing his face while you rinsed your toothbrush. “Elsa and I were thinking that maybe, in the next couple ‘a years, we should invest in another ride. Not a ‘coaster, nothing huge, just something other than the ferris wheel that would keep the kids busy while their parents watch the show,” As he spoke, he wet a washcloth under the tap before wringing it out and tossing it over his shoulders. “What do you think, doll?”

“I think-” you held your tongue, your biting reply dissolving into bitter acid in your mouth, “I think that if that’s what’s best for the show, we should start investing sooner rather than later. It’s always best to be prepared so we can figure it into the budget ASAP,” With a practiced hand you bundled up your toiletries and tucked them away in the drawer. The shake in your tired digits was barely perceptible in the dimly lit room. What was best for the troupe was what was best for you. Still, you couldn’t help but sneak a gaze at the half-full mason jar sitting on the counter by the door.

“You sure?” Jimmy asked. He was down in the mini-fridge now, pulling out a can of some cheap beer. You closed your eyes and offered a curt nod. There was no need to argue over an impossible dream. If Elsa wanted a new ride, she would get a new ride.

“I’m sure, Jimmy. I’m just tired,”

Thankfully, he accepted your excuse with a shrug, settling in at the pull-down table. “Whatever you say, sweet thing,” he cooed, “now get over here. I missed you today,”

You gave in to his request easily. After everything you’d been through over the last 12 hours, you weren’t about to turn down a little affection and attention from the man you loved. Your sunburnt shoulders stung as you clambered into Jimmy’s arms and allowed your face to settle into his sweet, sweaty embrace. His heart thudded under your ear, a steady quarter-note rhythm guiding your own soaring staccato down to normalcy.

Somewhere out in the field, probably in one of the other rusted-out trailers where your friends were settling down in their own nighttime routines, a radio buzzed to life. The sweet sounds of Paul Anka crooning his newest hit loosened your nerves. Over your shoulder, Jimmy took a long swig from his can.

“How was work?” you whispered. Jimmy set down his drink with a little more force than usual. One of his fused hands found its way into his hair. You both knew you weren’t asking about the show.

“I didn’t make much today, but I’m almost fully booked for Thursday. That’s the last party until next week unless the ladies want to throw something after church on Sunday. Wednesday we don’t have a show, so I’m all yours,”

His voice was tired, a departure from his usual confidence. This wasn’t Jimmy Darling the leader and performer, it was your Jimmy boy, the man who held your broken heart together with his unusual hands. You relished in the vulnerability, letting yourself nuzzle closer to his skin. He smelled like sweat and grease and cheap cologne but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. It was him. That’s what mattered.

“I could take Wednesday off, Wednesday is never that busy,” you mused.

“Then we’ll go out on Wednesday,” Jimmy was jovial but not loud, dropping his hand down from his hair to rub abstract patterns into your back above the starchy cotton of your day dress, “I’ll take us down to the beach on my bike and we can have a picnic lunch by the ocean. I know a spot off the road that nobody would ever think to go to, it’s like a private beach we’ll have all to ourselves, and the guy at the deli owes me a favor so I can pick up sandwich stuff for cheap when I run in tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even spend a little extra a grab a bottle of that white wine you like. How does that sound, doll face?”

You hummed out an affirmative, far too deep into your newfound relaxation to form words. Your boneless, half-lucid state made Jimmy laugh. His smile only fell when he found a fresh bruise on your back, making you wince.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, pulling his hand away. You whined at the loss of contact. It was rare for you to have the time to wind down together these days, every second of attention was something to cherish.

“It’s just a bad bruise,”

In an instant, Jimmy had you straddling his lap to face him with your face in his large hands. “Did somebody hurt you?” he asked, running a thumb over your cheek to check for concealer or any small cuts and bruises he might have missed, “‘cause if somebody hit my girl I’m gonna have to show them what’s what. I don’t care if they paid, they don’t get to do that shit to you,”

You couldn’t help but avert your eyes, letting your gaze linger on the veins bulging in Jimmy’s neck instead of his face. It would be too difficult to risk seeing the disappointment in his eyes. “It was a cop, Jimmy. I got busted,”

He groaned. “Those bastards…”

“Thankfully this time he just took what he wanted and let me off with a warning. He’ll be back, though, they always are. I’m sorry, Jimmy, I’m just so tired,” A shudder wracked your shoulders, a silent sob you couldn’t quite choke down. You had to take a minute to remind yourself that you were safe. Jimmy had you. You were tucked away from the world in his arms, and he’d kill someone before he let them do anything to hurt you. Nothing and no one could touch you as long as he was there. When he wasn’t, though…

You gripped his thin, white undershirt a little tighter.

Jimmy was with you, not some stranger who had picked you up off the streets for a little fun. You were at home in your caravan with Jimmy and he was holding you and nothing else mattered. There was no reason to be afraid.

He gritted his teeth. Obviously, your distress wasn’t as invisible as you wished it was. “Don't be sorry, doll, this isn't your fault. You know what? You don’t have to go back out there. There are plenty of other ways we can make the money, sweetheart, just say the word and I’ll make it happen. You never have to deal with them again,”

“But the new ride-”

“To hell with the new ride!” Jimmy was shouting in earnest now, but you weren’t afraid, pushing yourself further into his touch. Part of you liked watching him come to your defense. It was something he would only do for someone he loved, someone who was a part of his family, not just any horny housewife that used him to chase their own desires. “Your safety is so much more important than a new ride a couple years down the line! I’ll go tell Elsa to scrap the idea right now if that means you feel better. You’re the most important thing to me, Y/N. You say jump and I say how high. I’m not gonna force you to do anything, if you choose to keep working I have no right to stand up all high and mighty and tell you not to, but if you do wanna stop… I guess what I’m sayin’ is that I want you to be happy, and if I have to pick up the slack for you to do that then so be it,”

You were cradled against his chest again by the end of his schpiel. Your anxiety wasn’t quite as bad as it had been before, and the newly fallen darkness added a sort of buffer to your feelings. Everything was fuzzier in the dark. In that place past dusk where the problems of the word lost their sharp edges you let yourself abandon everything that scared you during the day. Children were afraid of the things they couldn’t see by moonlight but you relished in the anonymity of the night. Life was much scarier by the light of the sun.

“Thank you, Jimmy, I mean it,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his palm before pulling away from his touch, “but we both know I can’t quit,”

“But doll, I-”

“No buts. I bring in more in a week than the troupe makes in a month, not to mention that I get half the essentials for the mess tent at a discount from customers who are sweet on me. Someday, and that day can’t come soon enough, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here, but until then we both just have to do whatever we can to make that future a reality,”

Jimmy nodded, draining the last warm dregs from his beer and tossing the empty can into the trash. “I just hate thinkin’ about you standing out there alone while those assholes look at you like a piece of meat,”

“I get by well enough,”

“I know you do, but you can’t blame me for worrying,” In a moment of drowsy bliss, you let a soft yawn escape your lips. Jimmy grinned. “Are you fallin’ asleep on me?”

You offered him a loose, gummy smile. “Maybe a little,”

He was quick to sweep a well-muscled arm up under your knees, lifting you up bridal style. You let out a small shriek of surprise. Jimmy didn’t let that distract him, though, as he carried your wriggling form over to your shared bed before setting you down with a low chuckle. “Now dollface,” he said, pulling off his sweat-damp undershirt and the washcloth that had been resting on his shoulders, “you up for a little bit of the Jimmy Darlin’ magic tonight, or would you rather just cuddle?”

“Can we just cuddle tonight? I’m still sore as hell. That asshole cop had me up against a brick wall and didn’t exactly take the time to lighten up his grip when I started to bruise,”

Jimmy nodded. “I tell you what,” he said, running a fused digit over the top button of your dress, “first let’s get that dress off you, then I can rub on some of that arnica gel we got as a gift from the new girl last month, alright? She said it helps with bruises. Once you’re all taken care of, then we can cuddle,”

“That sounds heavenly,” You smiled up at Jimmy as you unbuttoned the front of your dress, easily sliding out and discarding it as he changed out of his work jeans and into some thin cotton pajama pants. Your bra came off last, and much to your surprise your beau didn’t spend much time ogling you, instead turning quickly to go recover the ointment from the shelf in the bathroom.

From your viewpoint on the bed, Jimmy looked like Adonis. He was always handsome, sure, but you loved how the moonlight hit his bare back, revealing each plane of thick, workers muscle as it caressed his skin. As your eyes fluttered closed, you could almost feel the ghost of his body above yours. The radio across the field was still droning on outside the window. In your bed, watching Jimmy putter around the trailer and listening to the fuzzy music that drifted in from the outside, you felt complete for the first time in a long time. There was only one thing left to do that could make you feel better.

“Jimmy,” you asked, “tell me about the future?”

He turned to you with a sigh, the glass jar of arnica gel in hand, “Doll, I’m no Dr. Seuss...”

“Pleeeease, Jimmy,” you whined, “for me?”

It didn’t take anything more for Jimmy to give in. “How could I ever say no when you ask so nicely,” He sat down at your side on the bed, nudging you to roll onto your stomach and give him access to your bruised and scraped back. As he began his gentle probing of your wounds, he started to talk.

“Once we save up enough money,” he whispered, scooping up some gel from the jar before rubbing it into a particularly tender purple spot, “we’re gonna get out of here. You and Ma and me will find a nice little house somewhere with some land, and we’ll be happy there. When we get there, I’ll find a job somewhere where people won’t gawk at me. I can work construction or grow produce in the yard, and you… you, doll, will finally get to rest. You can stay home with Ma, cook, sew, read; you’ll never have to sell yourself on the streets again,”

You squirmed under his touch. “Now tell me about the kids,”

Jimmy groaned. “Really?”

“They’re the best part!”

“Alright, alright, because you won’t stop buggin’ me I’ll talk about the kids, but next time I’m down and out after a fight you’d better return the favor. I expect you to talk my ear off about all the sinful things I wanna hear while you’re busy holding a steak to my eye,”

You grinned. “Since when have I ever let you down, Mr. Darling?”

“Not once, sweet thing,” he pressed a soft kiss to the back of your head before going back to focusing on your flesh, now doing more of a massage on the less marred areas than anything else. “Now where were we?”

“The kids, Jimmy,”

“Oh right, the kids!” You let your eyes drift closed as he spoke, relishing in the feeling of his hands against your skin. Every moment in his arms was heaven. It was a real shame the rest of society didn’t see him the way you did, but it kept any potential competition away, and for that you were grateful. Life without Jimmy would be like baking with no sugar; just plain wrong. “Once we have our own place and the money is coming in, I won’t have to waste my pocket change on rubbers anymore. I’ll get you nice and pregnant and then, after nine months of getting looked after by yours truly, you’ll finally have your own little Darling, yours an’ mine. Won’t that be a sight? A little Jimmy Jr. runnin’ around in the yard, absolutely spoiled rotten by his grandma. I dunno much about bein’ a good dad, but I sure as hell know what not to do. No matter what the child ends up looking like, I’ll be there every step of the way. Who knows, if you and I get real busy we may have a whole brood of Darling children before long,”

You wanted to offer up some sort of placation, a witty reply, but you found that your tongue was too heavy and your eyes were drooping lower by the second. It was cooler now that the moon had started her ascent into the night sky, cool enough to stay comfortable with the little air conditioning unit in the window running full blast. Suddenly, the bed shifted next to you as Jimmy screwed the top back onto the jar and got up to return it to its shelf.

“Hey, Jimmy?” you called, voice thick with exhaustion. He was quick to respond, slotting the jar into its place and stepping out of the dimly lit bathroom to check on you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” you said, rolling onto your back and getting comfortable on top of the sheets, “I just wanted to say I love you, so much,”

Jimmy was back at your side in an instant. “I love you too, doll. I dunno what I ever did to deserve you-”

“Oh stop!” your words were slurred now, dripping from your lips as you watched Jimmy climb into bed. You found your place at his side quickly. It was muscle memory to link your leg with his and set your head on his chest no matter how tired you were. "You're the most handsome, wonderful, perfect man I could have ever asked for Jimmy Darling, and don't you forget it!"

“It’s time for sleep now, doll,” he whispered, burying his face in your hair and wrapping his arms around you, “There’s plenty of time to talk about how wonderful you think I am in the morning,” The smile on his face was clear from the tone of his voice, but you heeded his words, quickly falling into a dreamless sleep while he protected you from the rest of the world.

Things weren’t perfect. You would still wake up the next day and watch the man you loved leave as both of you sold your very bodies in search of an impossible dream for the future, but that was okay. As long as Jimmy was by your side, everything would be.

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a/n: I hope you enjoyed this fic! I intended for it to be a short drabble where I could practice writing for jimmy, but in the end I’m really happy with how it turned out. This is, genuinely, something I’m really proud of, so please let me know if you liked it. Thank you so much for supporting me!!!

[jimmys-zeppelin]

ghostin'

chapter fourteen

(table of contents)

(chapter thirteen)

june 16, 1976

you're somebody else

On Wednesday, Ellie decided to call Jimmy on one of her earlier nights coming home from the studio. That day was full of writing more songs and collaborating on mixing others with her producer.

As the line rang, she thought about what time it'd be for Jimmy. Hopefully it wasn't too late. A click, followed by a sound resembling the closing of a door were all Ellie could hear before a voice came through, "Hello?" Jimmy said.

"Hey, Jim it's me." Ellie replied sweetly.

She heard his smile through the phone, it sent butterflies through her stomach. "Eleanor, my love..." he said. He sounded a bit groggy, but not groggy from sleep per se, "How's it going?"

"Great. Still working on the album. Wish you were here to put some of your touches on things."

A soft chuckle came from the man, "If I was there right now, I'd be touching much more than your songs, my dear."

"Oh I can't wait until you can actually do it. I miss you."

"I miss you, too." Jimmy said, his voice going serious, "say, we didn't really get to talk about the whole...situation the last few times we've spoken."

"I don't want to take up too much of your time talking about it. We can just figure it out when you get here."

"Why are you putting this off?" Jimmy asked, concern rising in his voice. "You're the one who wanted this, dove. And now I agree. Why not talk about it?"

Ellie stammered, knowing he was right—no matter how high he sounded, "I know we're ready. And I want to do this with you, I just...want to leave it up to when the time comes."

"Ellie, you know that's not the way I do things."

"I don't want to hyper-plan things. It seems more fun if we're spontaneous."

Jimmy sighed into the phone, the huff coming out a bit garbled on her end, "at this rate, it's not a matter of us having fun, it's about getting to the end result."

"Oh." Ellie said, "I see." she paused, thinking of what to say next. Jimmy interrupted her thoughts, however.

"I'm sorry." he said.

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I've upset you...among other things."

"In more ways than one..." she whispered, mostly to herself. Whether he hadn't heard what she said or if he chose not to address it, he ignored the comment.

Saying something would only make matters worse, but neither of them wanted to hang up, knowing that if they did, neither would be happy with the outcome come of the phone call. Ellie hated to be constantly ragging on him and nagging him about his extracurricular activities in experimentation, but it was something she couldn't help but notice every time they spoke. He sounded more and more drained every time he picked up the phone, no sense of life within his thin frame.

"Erm," he started, "we've got a release date for the film. I got us both tickets for the premiere."

"I thought you said it wasn't finished."

"It's not. But I guess that's just how movie stuff works."

"You finish shooting your fantasy sequence yet?" Ellie asked, picking absently at a thread from the throw pillows strewn about the couches.

"Yeah, they re-cut the sequence of me climbing up so my butt didn't look as big."

"I told you it wasn't a bad thing, Jim. Give the ladies what they want." she attempted at a joke, only half chuckling at it herself. She was met with an exhale from Jimmy; only having found mild humor in the statement.

"Unless you want me to look like I have more of an arse than you do..."

"Your butt is cute. It's teeny." Ellie said, picturing the asset in her mind.

"You'd be the only one to think so, love. Anything new with you?"

"Songbird charted. It's going up the ranks." She said, her voice coming out more monotoned than she'd meant it to.

"You don't sound nearly as happy as you should be, that's amazing." Jimmy said, a bit of life returning to his demeanor.

"I wanted you to play on it. We just didn't have time and the label didn't want to wait."

"I know it's frustrating. But there will be other songs, I guarantee it."

"It would've meant so much if you got the chance to play. We only got piano backing on it, but I wanted acoustic guitar."

"But you can play guitar, too."

"I wanted you." Ellie said, a quiet sniffle coming through from her end of the phone. Her words masked what she truly wanted to say and he knew it.

"You know, I could take a week. Come visit. Re-record a bit for you and you can put it in with the song for when the record comes out."

"No, Jimmy. I don't want to take time out from your schedule. Plus, I'm only a bit emotional because of my period. It's fine, I promise." Ellie said, coming up with a quick lie so that he wouldn't go through with his proposal. She knew that if she gave him enough incentive, he'd show up in a heartbeat. It was endearing, if anything. She just didn't want to concern him. "Listen I'm getting a bit tired, I think I'm gonna head up to bed."

Jimmy stuttered a bit in response before he exhaled a defeated sigh, "Oh, okay. Well, I'll talk to you soon, then." He sounded slightly hurt under his generally calm tone. The guitarist thought he hid it well, but Ellie knew him to the point where even the lightest sigh could give away exactly how he was feeling.  However, she chose to ignore it, only leading her into her farewell.

"Goodnight, Jimmy." she said. The two exchanged goodnight's and I love you's before finally hanging up the phone. Taking in a deep breath, Ellie exhaled shakily as a rogue tear slipped down her cheek. She composed herself, however, and made her way to the kitchen to grab herself a drink. Or ten.

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masterlist | playlist

Taglist: @diaryofafan17 @tophats-n-lespauls @witchesdust @jonesyjonesyjonesy @paginate54 @hejustsatisfiess @salixfragilis @princesspagey @reincarnated70sbaby @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @kyunisixx if you want to be added to the list lmk!

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Angel From Ymir

Reiner Braun

word count: 1418

summary: Reiner comes across a kitty. kitty decides Reiner is his person. this is Reiner’s written experience.

tw: mentions of depression + ptsd. cute cuddliness and Reiner being adorable.

a/n: cats are cute and well-suited for many lifestyles! but please adopt responsibly and don’t take on a cat unless you’re ready and financially able to do so! please remember: 1) keeping your cat indoors is the ONLY way to prevent them from being hit by a car, stolen, attacked by other animals or exposed to diseases! 2) be careful and do your research and consult your cat’s vet before giving your cat a flea treatment! some brands cause seizures that can kill your cat or shorten their lifespan severely! protecting your cat from fleas and other sicknesses should NEVER cost a cat their life! 3) declawing a cat is NOT taking away their fingernails, it’s taking away their FINGERS! cats need their claws to climb and declawing them is inhibiting them from doing what they were born to do! 4) if a cat can reach it, they can wreck it, and that’s on you, not the cat, and that’s on PERIOD! if you have items that you want to keep safe 100% of the time then keep them AWAY!!! you can’t tell a cat to not be a cat, but you CAN tell YOURSELF to be a responsible cat owner!

Entry 1 - Monday

I’m not all that sure what I’m doing. Pieck gave me this, and suggested journaling to help me. She said there’s no wrong way to do this but I’ll probably fuck it up like everything else, so here goes. I uh... had a pretty average day today. Full of planning, saluting, groveling to Marleyans while they called me a devil, and pretending like I don’t hate myself and hate existing. I can tell Gabi is worried about me. Nothing out of the ordinary at this point. A cat followed me home, a yellow tabby. Cats are a rare sight nowadays. They were skinny.

Entry 2 - Tuesday

The cat was sitting outside my door when I left today. It rubbed up against my legs when I was locking my door, and made a noise that sounded like a tiny motorcycle. I think it’s called purring. It followed me to work, and it followed me back home again. I feel bad that it’s so skinny.

Entry 3 - Wednesday

I set out food and water for the cat today when I left. Just some sardines I had sitting in my cupboard. The food was finished and the cat was there waiting for me when I got home. It meowed at me until I pet its’ head.

Entry 4 - Saturday

I had a nightmare last night. Not uncommon for me. Today was my day off, and when I woke up in the morning I heard a scratching noise at the door. Turns out it was the cat, because when I opened the door it ran in and sat in my reading chair like it owned the place. I guess it’s here to stay now, because it runs every time I try to grab it, and it’s not really scratching anything up, so... I don’t know. I moved the food and water bowl inside.

Entry 5 - Sunday

Second day off. I spent the day reading. The cat came and napped in my lap. I fell asleep at one point, too. What? The cat was warm. And the sun was shining on us through the window.

Entry 6 - Thursday

I wish we could take afternoon naps at work. The cat followed me to work again. Pieck saw and asked me about it, so I told her what I told you. She said the cat picked me, whatever that means. I’m not really an animal person so I don’t get why. When I got home, there was a dead bird on my doorstep, and the cat was licking its’ chops. Kinda disgusting.

Entry 7 - Friday

Today I woke up to a crow on my doorstep. This cat is crazy. I asked Pieck about it, she said cats bring gifts to their masters. Some gift, if you ask me. Another observation: cats like boxes.

Entry 8 - Sunday

Something peculiar happened. I had a nightmare, but when I woke up, the cat was there kneading on my chest, licking my nose and rubbing their face against mine. They haven’t left my side yet. Literally. When I took a shower they just sat on the toilet seat lid next to it, and every time I’ve sat down today they’ve climbed in my lap and purred really loudly, rubbing their head against my hands when they could. It’s almost like they could sense my unease. It feels... calming. I usually write at the end of the day but the experience made me want to take note.

Entry 9 - Friday

I’ve missed a couple days, to sum them all up: I go to sleep with the cat under the blankets and wake up with them curled up under my armpit or in the crook of my neck. Today they brought me a squirrel. Their presents are getting to be terrifying, but also normal. They brought me a couple rats the past few days, too.

Entry 10 - Monday

I’m getting this heathen a collar. I woke up to them holding a goose twice their size in their mouth, and the poor creature wasn’t even dead. I had to put it out of its’ misery.

Entry 11 - Tuesday

I came home to find the cat napping in my untouched potatoes. I think I’m gonna call him Potato.

Entry 12 - Tuesday

I think the collar worked. Between the bell and his tags jingling, Potato must scare off every animal in sight because he hasn’t caught anything in a week. Or maybe I’m just not seeing it and he’s been eating his catches after my last reaction. He’s been getting a little fat. I’m worried I’m feeding him too much, I’ve been refilling his bowl every time I saw it empty, which is about twice a day. How much do cats normally eat?

Entry 13 - Saturday

Potato’s not acting normal. He’s been meowing a lot, which is cute, but he also hasn’t been moving as much. And he’s been eating even more than he usually does. I just hope he’ll be okay. Cats aren’t usually kept as pets anymore since they’re so scarce, so no veterinarian will take him. They all keep laughing at me when I tell them my problem. Why is it funny to them? They’re being rude and cruel. If anything happens to Potato I don’t know what I’ll do. Potato is my best friend. Even when he steals my dinner from time to time, I don’t get mad at him. I talk to him about my day like he can hear me, and I tell him about the things I’ve experienced and it really feels like he listens, because every time I get to a bad part and start panicking or crying he’s there, helping me calm down. I haven’t had nightmares even half as often anymore and when I do, he’s there on my chest when I wake up, making me feel better. I can’t call out of work to stay with him. I’m worried he might die. If he does, I’m just glad I have these last two days off. So I can say goodbye.

Entry 14 - Wednesday

He’s getting worse. He’s been laying in the same spot in my closet for awhile. I moved his food and water there and brought blankets and his favorite box to make it cozy for him, but I don’t feel like I can do anything.

Entry 15 - Friday

Well... it turns out Potato was a girl. I came home from work today to find her laying with two kittens - a brown tabby and a black one. I’m just glad she’s okay, and trying to not to think about the fact that I now have two more cats that I’ll have to start feeding myself in a couple weeks. Potato’s been back to her normal self, mostly, but she splits her time between me and running to check up on her babies.

Entry 16 - Saturday

A couple weeks have gone by and I’ve been too busy to write, but the kittens are up and running around now. The black one seems very sure footed and confident in her steps, but the brown tabby runs into walls when he gets excited. He’s... kinda stupid. I made sure to actually check their undersides this time instead of just assuming. I’m hoping to find someone who can get them all fixed at some point so I only have to pay to care for the three I have now.

Entry 17 - Sunday

I have never found myself so content. Or maybe just so distracted. I don’t know. The kittens are cute and so soft but they’re also little nuisances, racing around at night and scratching up the inside of the closet door. They’ve bitten through my lamp chord three times now. I didn’t realize damage control was more expensive than the actual care for them. Why can’t they be like their mom?

Entry 18 - Monday

Gabi wants the brown tabby. I’m kind of attached despite his idiocy, but I see the way her eyes light up when she comes over to play with the kittens. He picked her as his and always cuddles with her. He won’t even sit in my lap now. He just wants Gabi.

Entry 19 - Thursday

Gabi took Porkchop home today. She picked out his name and I paid for the collar and tags. Her mom was already cooing to him within the first five minutes of him being there. Letting him go was the right choice.

Entry 20 - Wednesday

Oh god. Potato’s getting fat again. Wish me luck.

[wherevermyway]

roller rinks and raspberry berets (1/2) // jeongbin // 18+

chapter one: heaven and back navigation: next chapter [in progress]

pairing: seo changbin x yang jeongin | past bang chan x seo changbin rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: explicit sexual content, recreational drug use (LSD, weed), 1980s AU, strangers-to-lovers, the roller skates stay on during sex, past infidelity, phone sex, masturbation, semi-public sex word count: 11,606 also on AO3

originally posted: 16 november 2021

It’s 1987, and the party scene is as vibrant and lively as the neon rainbow everyone is painted in.

Several months after a nasty breakup, Seo Changbin’s friends set him up with a mutual friend, Yang Jeongin. They speak on the phone a couple of times, then decide to go through with the blind date set up for them at a local roller rink. Changbin realizes he never really learned how to skate, but with Jeongin's hands guiding him, anything's possible.

They take some questionable substances and sparks start to fly when the lights drop and the music gets louder.

It's neon night at The Roxanne, and things are about to liven up, in more ways than one.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

A murky haze surrounded two men lying on a shag carpet in a rundown apartment. The stench of scorched marijuana and incense clung to the walls like the dingy wallpaper that was slowly starting to yellow and peel. If it wasn’t for the Madonna calendar hanging up right next to the fridge that had “MAY 1987” emblazoned in big, blocky orange letters, it would seem like the place was stuck in 1973.

“You’re gonna want this,” a young man with spiky, neon orange hair passes off a dime bag with a couple of tiny blotters in it to the other young man with shaggy black hair. “Neon night at The Roxanne always gets fuckin’ dope, but if you’re not trippin’ on something, it ain’t as good.”

“Word,” the man with black hair rubs his eyes and tosses the bag onto his chest. He brings a joint up to his lips, taking a deep inhale, before passing it back to the other man. The smoke hangs in his lungs for a few moments, before he carefully exhales the vapour into the air, letting the smoke feed into the cloud hovering above them. “You really think this Jeongin is as rad as Seungmin keeps hyping him up to be?”

The orange haired man coughs while he laughs. “Dunno, dude.” He takes another hit from the joint, and a wide grin spreads across his face. “I’ve met him a couple times. He plays the electric bass some band and thinks he’s good at surfing. Seung keeps telling me ‘Oh, Changbin’s gonna love him, Jeongin’s got a collection of weird records and refuses to use cassette tapes’ like it means something.”

Changbin fumbles himself upright and points at Minho, dime bag sliding off of his chest and down to the floor. “He’s got a point, dude,” the younger man, despite looking higher than a kite, attempts to look totally serious. “I told you, records just sound better. Don’t give me that shit about cassette tapes. The only shit tapes have for them is that they’re convenient for road trips. Sound-wise, it ain’t the same.”

The two of them stare at each other before bursting into a fit of the giggles. They laugh until their stomachs hurt and the cherry burns out of their joint.

“Anyway,” Minho wipes the corners of his eyes and pulls a slip of paper out of his back pocket, “you should give him a call before your date. Might make things a little less awkward.”

Changbin takes the slip of torn notebook paper and stares at it. He was doing fine until he saw the ten digits and ‘Jeongin’ on the paper, then his palms started to sweat a bit. “You really think he’s gonna like me?”

Minho relights the joint between his teeth and smirks, giving Changbin a coy glance. “Everyone likes you, dude. Chill out.”

Changbin didn’t get the courage to call Jeongin until Wednesday night, two days before their blind date. Minho was out for the night, going to some lame house party with Seungmin again. The two were practically attached at the hip, unsure if they were going to ever officially become an item or not; they had been on-again, off-again for nearly a year now. Minho was seriously considering asking Seungmin if they should settle down, take things seriously, but then Chan had broken up with Changbin, and it made everyone question if relationships were really worth it.

“Man,” Changbin sighed as he flopped down onto his bed. He reached over to his nightstand and cracked his knuckles before he scraped together enough weed to roll a quick joint. Minho was always better at it than him, but he tried his damnedest. As long as he could smoke up enough to forget about frantic college students contemplating the true meaning of Shakespeare’s work while he helped them search for reference materials, he didn’t really care what exactly the joint looked like.

It turned out a little crooked, but it didn’t matter. As long as it got the job done, right? He took a stray match from the tray and struck it against a matchbox, spinning it around the end of his joint as he took a deep inhale, then shook the match until the flame went out. As he watched the smoke leave his lips, he chewed on his lip a bit.

Tonight was the night. It had to be. There were only two nights to go.

His eyes fluttered down to the same scrap of paper that Minho had handed him a couple of days ago, sitting right next to the phone on his desk. When they first moved into this apartment, Minho teased him for having a rotary phone, instead of something with real push buttons. “Dude, you’re, like, twenty-five and you’ve got an old ass rotary phone. You’re fitting that old, crusty librarian stereotype, now you just need twenty cats and argyle-patterned wool sweaters covered in your cats’ fur.”

Minho earned the elbow in the ribs that Changbin gave him for that.

Changbin wasn’t sure how long he sat and stared at that scrap of paper, but it was long enough for him to get through his entire joint. Would Jeongin really like him? Could he handle the weird, nerdy rants Changbin could go on about the Dewey Decimal Classification when he got really baked? Did Jeongin even do, much less like, drugs?

Okay, if he was friends with Seungmin, he absolutely had to be fine with the last concern. That was one fear off of the list, alleviating his concerns a minute amount.

After Chan got sick of Changbin’s oddities, he was nervous that his next partner would be overly critical of everything he did. Afraid that he would spark an argument over something stupid, like the way that their albums were organized, or whether or not plates should be on the bottom shelf of a cupboard, or the second shelf.

Domestic life with a partner was stupid, and being stuck in the middle of one’s twenties, when someone supposed to be in the prime of their youth, was not the time to argue over fucking dinner plates. Changbin figured that now was the perfect time to drop acid on a date with some dude he never met, even if he wasn’t sure if the stranger was even cute or not. It didn’t matter.

Fuck it.

He placed the remnants of his burnt out joint on the metal tray, pushing it out of the way as he stood up, grabbing his phone and the paper off of his desk, dropping them onto his nightstand. Hopefully, this conversation would be long enough for him to be able to relax up against the wall, to get comfortable and bond. Even if it wasn’t a guarantee towards forever, Changbin would let his guard down just a little, let someone in again. It had been several months, nearly a year at this point, and it was time.

His fingers were slightly clammy, holding the flimsy paper in between his thumb and index finger. He took in a sharp breath, then brought the receiver up under his ear, propping it up with his shoulder. Subconsciously, Changbin furrowed his brows and stuck the tip of his tongue out through the corner of his lips as he punched in each digit into the rotary, letting the dial spin and click between each number.

After the tenth number was in, he sat back a bit, listening to the dial tone trill in his ear.

Once.

Was this the right number?

Twice.

Would Jeongin pick up?

Three rings.

Was he even home?

Four.

Was this a good idea?

Five. Five was making Changbin nervous, more nervous than he expected.

“Hello?” The voice on the other line was breathy and he heard a couple of small pants. It was easy to get distracted, Changbin getting lost in the possible reasons as to why the other voice was so… occupied.

“H-hi,” he stumbled over his words, forgetting how to form a coherent sentence. Shit, this was awkward. “I’m looking for Jeongin. Yang Jeongin. Do I have the right number?”

“Heh,” the other voice chuckles. “Depends on who’s asking.”

Arrogant. Changbin liked that. “Seo Changbin. Apparently, we’re going on a date on Friday, thanks to our friend Seungmin.”

“Damn,” the other young man sighed, “took you forever to call. Seungmin said he wasn’t gonna give me your number, that I should wait for you to call.” There’s a sound of something metallic clattering against a hard surface. “I don’t like waiting, but I figured I’d give it a chance. I’m tired of dating guys that have dated guys I’ve dated already.”

Changbin swallowed hard, not sure of what exactly he should say.

“That was a joke, dude.” Jeongin sighs, and there’s a bit of shuffling on the other line. “Please tell me you know how to laugh. If you don’t know how to laugh, I don’t know how this is gonna work out.”

“Yeah,” Changbin squeaks, “I just, I dunno, I’m not really good at talking over the phone unless it’s for, like, work or something.”

“Oh yeah!” The other man exclaims, and a slap against a hard surface comes through the tinny receiver. “Seungmin told me you’re a librarian. You don’t hear of many 25-year-old librarians, much less ones that are dudes, and even fewer that don’t have cats. Weird.” He laughs a little bit, a cute, light, floaty laugh. “Why did you become a librarian, of all things? Sounds kinda nerdy.”

Without thinking, Changbin grits his teeth in nervousness, reminded of all of the shitty jocks in high school giving him shit for spending all of his free time in the library, nose in some nonfiction books about music theory. None of those bastards got anywhere in life, anyways, so who was really laughing now? “It’s because I am a nerd,” he says, a bit colder than he should have, “but I like organization, helping people find things, and, honestly, just being able to feel a little smarter than most people sometimes.”

The weed was starting to really have an effect on him, allowing him to physically relax, but also be a bit more open. Perhaps he was a bit too open.

The two men share a brief pause over the phone and then Jeongin laughs. “So, you think you’re pretty smart, huh?”

“I mean,” Changbin leans up against the wall, tangling the phone cord aimlessly between his fingers, “I don’t have two degrees in this for nothing.”

“Ha,” Jeongin’s laugh bubbles up again, “dweeb.”

They chat aimlessly for a while, and Changbin finds out that Jeongin is, indeed, a musician. Dropped out of university to be a bassist with a couple of his friends, but he works in a pawn shop half-time.

“Pays the bills and it lets me get first pick of all of the good, barely-played records,” Jeongin quips. “Even if sometimes people wanna try to steal shit and we get threats of armed robbery every couple weeks. Stressful, but I got a copy of The Wall last week, brand new and unopened, for way cheaper than my boss would’ve sold it for, so that makes up for it.”

Changbin found Jeongin startlingly fascinating. They seemed like total opposites on some things, since Jeongin was an extrovert and Changbin was an introvert, but they agreed on important things, like music. “That reminds me,” he slid down to lay up against his bed and stare at the ceiling, “my roommate, Minho? He tried to tell me there’s no auditory difference between records and cassette tapes.”

“Dude!” Jeongin scoffs with offence. “You need a new roommate. What a shitty opinion.”

“I know, I know,” Changbin curls into himself a bit, a wide smile on his face as he laughs. “Minho doesn’t get it, man. I tried playing a couple different things, but he still didn’t get it.”

The two of them share a laugh over the line. It had been so long since someone other than Minho made Changbin genuinely smile and laugh like that, and he was starting to have a bit less reservation about Jeongin. Maybe this would work out, after all.

“So,” the other man clears his throat, trying to calm himself from laughing so hard, “I gotta ask. What’s your favourite year in music so far, since ’80? Don’t get me started on the 60s and 70s, because I have a lot of opinions.”

“That’s tough.” Changbin bites his tongue and squints, rolling his eyes back and forth, scanning the ceiling as if it would give him some sort of answer. “’84, if I have to pick. I mean, dude, look at Queen; they’re fucking killing it. ‘Radio Ga Ga’ is still playing everywhere. Don’t even get me started on ‘Take On Me’, either.”

Jeongin politely chuckles. “Alright, man, I gotta disagree. ’85. ‘Raspberry Beret’ is so good, like, it’s my favourite by Prince. ‘Don’t You Forget About Me’? Come on, man, The Breakfast Club. You can’t tell me that’s not iconic.”

“That’s one of my favourite movies, man.” Changbin’s face starts to hurt from smiling so much as he quotes the film: “‘We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.’”

There’s a soft laugh on the other line, something different about it, like the mood has shifted into something a little more serious. “Ah, Changbin. I knew I’d like you, not just for your opinions on records and cassette tapes. You seem pretty neat, and I wanna get to know you more.”

The blush that creeps up on Changbin’s face is uncomfortably hot. They had to have been on the phone for about an hour, but everything was starting to unravel naturally, comfortably, and it was exciting. His gaze falls as he turns his head to the side, eyeing the metal alarm clock on his nightstand.

“I’d like that, Jeongin,” he says, nearly whispering it. “I’ve gotta head to bed here in a bit, since I’ve got an early day of being your local resident nerd at the campus library tomorrow.”

“I haven’t seen you yet,” the other man lowers his voice, practically growling into the phone, “but you might just convince me that librarians and nerds can be hot and sexy, after all.”

Changbin practically chokes on his saliva at that comment. His eyes widen and he shakes his head a few times, almost comically. “I wouldn’t say that I’m either of those things, but I’m curious to hear what you think of me. Maybe we could pick up this conversation tomorrow?”

“I’m free all night, baby. Call me up whenever.”

The two of them offer impolite farewells, then Changbin softly hangs up the phone. He checks his alarm clock to make sure his alarm is set, then pulls the drawstring on his desk lamp, turning it off.

“Nerds can be hot and sexy, after all.” Jeongin’s voice echoed in his head, and just the thought of the way he said that caused his nerves to come to life, for his breath to quicken. What did this mysterious pawn shop clerk by day, musician by night look like? Was he any good in the sheets? Was he aggressive, was he soft?

If he wasn’t so tired, Changbin would’ve let his mind run a little more wild, maybe let his hands wander south. Instead, he quickly fell asleep, losing himself in the memory of Jeongin’s voice and the possibilities they had ahead of them.

The next day went by slower than it should have, and it was completely unfair. It was two in the afternoon when things came to a complete standstill. It was Thursday, and a lot of students would likely be in the middle of exams, so there wasn’t much to do, other than daydream about Jeongin while aimlessly thumbing through a catalogue of items for archiving.

Changbin stood at the archiving desk, the area completely emptied out and quiet. The lack of people meant there was a lack of work, allowing for his mind to travel to some interesting places: imagining bony fingers scanning his body, running down his torso, grabbing his hips. He subconsciously gripped the red pen in his hand a little tighter, leaning against the desk as he bit his lip, trying hard not to rut against the oaken wood beneath him.

He should be focusing on the lengthy parchment in front of him, waiting to be indexed. Waiting, like he was, to be aimlessly fucked into. It had been over a year since he last slept with someone, and it was starting to become tiresome. It usually didn’t bother him, but Jeongin’s voice and his words had been dancing around in his head all day, making his entire body tingle and tense.

Their blind date was tomorrow night, but Changbin wasn’t sure if he could hold out on getting off for one more day. He had to know more intimate details about Jeongin, and, nerves be damned, he was going to work up the courage to find out tonight.

Changbin nervously paced around his empty apartment, soles of his feet dragging across the shag carpet in the living room. He told himself he wouldn’t call Jeongin until 19:30 at the earliest, and calling him at exactly 19:30 would just be overkill and stupid. He couldn’t come off as needy or desperate, so he waited. Every couple of minutes, he would anxiously look up at the clock that hung up on the wall above his prized record player.

19:24.

“Dammit all to hell,” Changbin grumbled, nibbling on his thumbnail as he continued to pace. Kate Bush’s ‘Cloudbusting’ was nearly finished playing, which meant he was going to have to flip the record over to side B, but he decided against it. No, he’d suffer in silence until 19:33; an arbitrary time, but random enough to seem unsuspicious. That meant a little under eight minutes to wait impatiently. He’d get through it, he figured, even though it would be painful.

As the song ended and Changbin went to shut off the record player and slip the vinyl back into its papery packaging, the phone rang. A gasp silently escaped his lips as he looked up at the clock. 19:26.

No, it couldn’t be Jeongin. Changbin didn’t give him his phone number. Still, he ran off to his bedroom. He shouldn’t get his hopes up, but it was better to be prepared just in case. He slammed his door behind him and rushed to grab the receiver, anxiously bringing it up to his ear.

“Hello?” He tried so hard to stay calm as he answered the phone.

“Hey!” Changbin frowned as he realized the voice on the other line was Minho. “It’s just me. I’m gonna be at Seungmin’s tonight. We’ve got, uh,” he lowers his voice, “I’m probably not gonna be home until, like, Sunday at this rate. Seungmin’s got plans.”

He tried really hard not to, but Changbin still rolled his eyes in envy at his roommate. “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, “have fun getting the life pounded out of you. Hopefully you can still walk by the time you come home on Monday.”

“Oh come on,” Minho scoffed. “According to Seungmin, don’t be surprised if Jeongin’s got similar plans for the both of you if you two hit it off.”

Changbin shook his head and instantly flushed at the thought, his brain malfunctioning. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s nothing.” There’s some shuffling on the other end of the line, and then Minho gasps and laughs. “I gotta go, dude. Good luck this weekend, bye!”

Before he can say anything in response, Minho hangs up, leaving Changbin staring blankly at the receiver. He slams it down on the phone and groans loudly. A few moments pass before he decides to turn his overhead light off, and turn his desk lamp on. 19:30. There was only a little bit longer before he wouldn’t be worried about calling Jeongin, so he stared down at the drawer of his nightstand.

“Just in case, right?” A nervous scoff left his lips as he whispered into the air.

He pulled out a small bottle of lube, and set it down next to the phone. Even if his conversation with Jeongin didn’t go the way he was hoping it would, he wouldn’t let himself fall asleep unsatisfied tonight. There was no way.

19:31.

Two minutes to go until—

The phone rang again, causing Changbin to jump in place, nearly out of his own skin. “What the fuck?” He shouted to himself as he picked up the receiver. “Dude, Minho, I get it, you don’t have to rub it in my face.”

“Changbin?” The other voice was decidedly not Minho. No, it was too familiar, yet unfamiliar all at once. Painfully new.

“Jeongin? How did you…?”

The younger man chuckled. “I was with Seungmin today. Told him about our conversation yesterday, and he thought it’d be fine if he gave me your number. Maybe call you a little earlier, throw you off your guard.”

Changbin scoffed and flopped down onto his bed unceremoniously. “Well, it worked.”

“Clearly.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence, and Changbin bit his lip, trying to think of what to say next. He had all of these great topics for conversation run through his head while he was at work, but now they were all gone, like they never existed. The only obvious option that came to him was about their date tomorrow. “About our date tomorrow,” he starts, aimlessly watching the second hand tick away on his alarm clock, “how are we gonna know how to find each other?”

Jeongin hummed a mindless tune for a moment, likely contemplating his plans. “Wait for me at the bar. I’ll be there, wearing a neon pink shirt. I’ve got freshly-dyed teal blue hair, so you might need to get your eyes checked if you miss me.”

A soft smile crawled its way up Changbin’s face. “That sounds eclectic.”

“Comes with who I am; the whole package deal is a little unconventional. Hopefully you can handle that.”

“Hmm,” Changbin hums, then tsks, “might be a little difficult. A neon-clad, blue-haired musician and a boring, black-haired librarian that only owns dark clothes. We’re gonna be quite the duo.”

“Come on,” Jeongin whines, “you’ve gotta have a little neon in that closet of yours.”

“Nope. You can be the neon, and I’ll be the night, since it’s neon night, after all. Yin and yang. Light and dark.”

There’s a soft chuckle on the other line. “Can’t have the day without the night, huh?”

“When you put it that way,” Changbin starts, but lets his voice trail off. Musicians sure seemed to be good with words. He couldn’t help but wonder, with a silver tongue like that, if Jeongin wrote the lyrics for the small punk group he was a part of. Come to think of it, a punk bassist in neon was an interesting mental image, almost some sort of visual dissonance.

“What are you wearing?” Jeongin pulls Changbin from his thoughts, voice a bit lower than it was prior.

The question perplexed Changbin as he mentally thumbed through the clothes in his closet. “I dunno, probably my Bad Religion t-shirt so I’m noticeable and some ripped skinny jeans. Think it roughly fits the non-neon aesthetic. Is that fine?”

“Perhaps I should’ve phrased that better.” A laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”

Changbin knots his eyebrows together and cards a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what you mean, then. I figured it would fit for the location, and—“

“I meant right now.” The bluntness in Jeongin’s statement is jarring.

“Oh.” Changbin can’t manage much else, his brain slowly grinding its gears around as he tried to get back into the right mental space for… this.

This was really fucking happening. Not just a delusional fantasy he had hoped for.

He must have taken too long thinking about it, because Jeongin frantically starts stuttering on the other line. “Wait, no, sorry,” he starts, “that was abrupt. I’m sorry, like, shit, we’ve barely spoken for more than an hour to each other and I’m already trying to pull something like this and I probably just came off as—“

“What do you want me to wear right now?” It comes out a bit too naturally, too smoothly off of Changbin’s tongue, like it was obvious he wanted to see where this would go.

A beat passes. “Ideally?” Jeongin quietly whispers, shuffling a bit on his end. “I’d want you naked. But I don’t think I want you there yet.”

Changbin’s heart was about to beat out of his chest and his dick responded in kind, slowly pressing up against his briefs more and more as his blood coursed through his veins. “Not yet, you say? How come?”

“I don’t like instant gratification. If you can’t work for it, what’s the point?”

“Interesting. Am I working for it, or are you?” Changbin’s free hand slips down to the hem of his shirt, playing with a loose string, rolling it nervously between his thumb and index finger.

Jeongin hums. “Tonight? I don’t usually do this, since I like to be the one in control, but it’s been so long, I’ll make an exception.”

In the seven years that Changbin had been an adult, he had only tried phone sex once, and it was awkward. Chan was in northern California for work, and they were both drunk and lonely. They tried to make it work, but the pacing was off, the phrasing was awkward, especially since Chan didn’t try to experiment with dirty talk, and they ended up falling asleep on each other.

This, though, simply felt different and exciting.

“What if I don’t want you to be naked?” Changbin tugged harder at the string, starting to rip it from the hem, slowly unravelling it and ruining the stitching of his shirt. It didn’t matter, he hardly noticed. He could tear his shirt apart completely and he still wouldn’t have cared.

“Seems like you like to make people work for it, too.” Jeongin shuffled on the other line again, his voice a bit clearer, like he was closer to the phone. “Maybe you like to do questionable things in questionable places. I don’t know you well — at all, actually — but I just get this feeling about you. The quiet ones are always the fun, adventurous ones.”

“It must be true, then.” Changbin pauses to take in a breath, to calm his nerves over what he was about to say to a stranger over the phone. “I thought about you today while I was working on a catalogue for our archives. It’s a boring, thoughtless job sometimes, allows me to have a lot of time to let my mind wander. I was leaning up against the desk, pen in hand, and all I could think about was how pretty your voice would sound as I slowly fucked into you, made you beg to me to go faster, but I’d just slow down.” The string detached from Changbin’s shirt, yet he continued to roll it between his fingers.

Jeongin’s breathing started to pick up on the other end. “What else?”

Changbin discarded the string haphazardly and nestled the receiver in the crook of his neck, shuffling his shorts and briefs down just enough for his dick to spring out. “I’d bite the back of your neck all the way up your ear. Tell you to stay quiet, since you were being too loud and whiny, that you’d be the reason we’d get caught.”

“Yeah,” a pant, “can’t have us getting caught. It’d be quite a rush, getting fucked by the hot, nerdy librarian when he’s supposed to be working.”

He couldn’t take it anymore. Changbin grabbed the bottle of lube from the nightstand, haphazardly squirting some of it all over his crotch, somewhat missing his dick in his rush. “The only thing I’d be working would be your cock in my hand. Make you whine, make you fucking miserable as I bring you so close to coming but keep you hanging, begging for me to let you come.” He tossed the bottle on to the floor, then mopped up some of the stray lube off of his stomach, then moved to stroke himself a bit hastily. It had been so long, and to actually have an intimate connection with another human being, albeit over the phone, was enough excitement to have him close to the edge already.

Jeongin must have had a similar idea, because his laboured breathing comes over the line in a constant rhythm. “Maybe I don’t wanna take it slow.”

“Maybe I don’t care.”

“Oh,” the other man sounded a bit shocked, gasping quietly. “You’re interesting, mister sexy librarian. What if I decided to push back? Literally? Bring my hips back up against yours, grind my ass up on you and make you whine and make you fucking miserable?”

“Shit,” Changbin growled, not expecting that kind of reaction. “I might have to grab you by the hair, push you down into the desk and give a needy little brat like you exactly what you want.” The thought was almost too much. He knew he was getting close; he should’ve slowed the pacing down with his hand, but he couldn’t stop. Instead, he was increasing his pace and tightening the grip at the top of his hand a bit more. “How would you like that?”

“Fuck,” Jeongin sounds like he’s completely lost in the moment, breathing erratic and letting full gasps and moans escape now. It sounded like some sort of wildly inappropriate choral music. “Changbin, that’s so fucking hot. I wish this was your hand around me instead. It feels so good, but it’s not enough.” Changbin lets out a choked whine, lost in the thought of what Jeongin looked like as he jerked himself off. “Ah, Changbin, I need you so badly. To feel you around me, inside me, and I—“

Suddenly, the light on the edge of Changbin’s desk went out and Jeongin’s voice went silent. The ambient humming that usually filled his apartment was dead. It appeared as if his part of LA got wrapped up in a sudden blackout, since everything everywhere was dark and quiet.

This couldn’t have come at a more horrible time.

Changbin let out an exasperated, desperate yell in frustration. As he angrily tossed the receiver to the side, causing the entire phone to go flying, he stared up at the ceiling in the darkness and swore that he was never going to try phone sex again.

Zero for two. Phone sex was cursed.

Even though today was the day that Changbin was finally going to meet Jeongin for their date, he was in an absolutely dreadful mood. Sure, after the power went out for the entire night, he had managed to get himself off, but it was lacklustre and nowhere near as good as he was anticipating it to be with his conversation with Jeongin. The pathetic way that the younger man mewled his name followed him like a shadow all day, echoing in the space between his ears all day.

“Changbin,” the voice taunted him, “I need you so badly.”

He groaned and leaned up against his archive desk, not even bothering to try to pay attention to his work. There was no way he was going to get anything done while he was too distracted thinking about fucking this stranger up against it, pushing his face into the mass of open books and large parchment. They would knock off all of the paraphernalia, pens clattering like raindrops against the ground, sound being absorbed by the walls of books surrounding them. God, how good it would be to hear his name coming from those lips one more time.

“I wish this was your hand around me instead.”

His eyes lulled to the corner of the table, pushing up his glasses to better focus on a cheap digital clock showing 15:40 in bright red lights. “Goddammit,” Changbin grumbled to himself and let his head collide against the open book in front of him. The tension in his slacks was causing time to inch by impossibly slow, like he was stuck in molasses. He had less than five and a half hours to go until he would finally meet the man the engrossed his entire mind for the past 48 hours and he couldn’t wait to give Jeongin a taste of the thoughts that consumed him.

Only a bit over five hours, now. He could do this.

Changbin had to have mentally pored over his entire appearance several times as he showered. Glasses? No, those would just be a nuisance; it’d be best to just suffer with a little bit of blurry vision for distant things. Besides, he was going to be seeing crazy shit halfway through their date, if they hit it off well enough to trip together.

So, no glasses. One thing off the list.

After his shower, Changbin thumbed through his closet, lost in a sea of black and indigo clothing, with a couple of odd white button up shirts that were frequently ignored. His graphic shirts were towards the left-hand side, reserved for his days off and the nights he’d go out with Minho and Seungmin, where he tried to look as normal as possible, and not like the dweeby librarian everyone knew him to be. It took several flicks of the thumb, but he eventually found the Bad Religion shirt he promised he was going to wear. That, and the torn up black skinny jeans he already had on his bed, were the only things Jeongin had to go off of.

Changbin was desperately hoping that Jeongin would find him in the sea of people that would be there. If this date flopped, he was going to hide for weeks in embarrassment, showing up to something so high energy looking like a black cloud of doom and gloom and dateless. The first half of that was tolerable, but to be dateless after all of that would be devastating to his ego.

Thankfully, Jeongin was going to be the visual antithesis to Changbin’s all-black attire. He was going to be like a dark cloud, a shadow to be passed over, and Jeongin would be that bright ray of vivid neon pink and teal blue. They’d be eyesores in their own rights, but it wouldn’t matter. Nobody would really be paying close attention to them tonight; neon nights were always the nights where people would get drugged out, smoke weed openly and fuck in the washrooms, and everyone would let go of their faux daily life personas and be carefree for one night.

It didn’t take long for Changbin to change into his outfit. He turned his head to look at his nightstand, squinting to make out the time on the clock. 19:52. All he needed to do was fuss over his appearance in the mirror while he would throw on some eyeliner. He would then fix his hair, gelling it into some sort of puffed out “just woke up” look that would just deflate after an hour of hanging around a humid, cramped environment packed with people. Maybe he’d wear those knee-high platform combat boots he only wore once to a concert a couple years ago.

First impressions were important, even if he knew he’d look like a mess at the end of the night. He wanted to prove to Jeongin that librarians could, in fact, be hot and sexy, even if it wasn’t in the conventional ways society would prefer.

The platform combat boots were a bad idea.

It wasn’t a far walk, but as Changbin waited in line outside of The Roxanne, he was constantly adjusting his feet and kicking the toes of his boots against the firm concrete of the sidewalk. He knew he’d be off of his feet soon enough, but getting to that point was proving to be brutal. The line slowly moved, people gradually being allowed in after paying the cover fee. Changbin flicked his arm, looking at the silver Royal Oak decorating his wrist, eyeing the time. 21:05.

He huffed, furrowing his brows and staring at the gunpowder grey backdrop of his watch. This was his lucky watch that his parents gifted him for graduating with his master’s degree last year. It was what he wore for his interview at UCLA, almost positive he wouldn’t get the entry-level librarian position he applied for, since it was heavily competitive, but he somehow managed to get it. It was the watch he wore when he and Minho signed for their shoddy apartment. It was what he wore when he gained the courage to call Jeongin.

Maybe superstition was stupid, but Changbin really wanted to put all of his cards on the table and risk believing in it tonight.

The line continued to shuffle forward, and Changbin’s nerves started to really consume him. On the outside, he tried to look cool and composed, his thumbs gently tucked into the belt loops of his pants, shoulders tucked back, head propped upright. Internally, however, he was very much the opposite of the cool-guy persona he was putting on. If he could scream and still be seen as sane, he absolutely would.

Another couple of steps. Changbin pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, sliding out his driver’s licence and a fiver as he approached the sturdily built man that stood outside of the front door. The man didn’t bother looking at his licence and just took the bill from him. They exchanged no words, the man just tilting his head towards the door, and Changbin simply walked in.

His fingers trembled a bit as he anxiously jammed his licence back into his wallet, exchanging it for a ten-dollar-bill, and returned the billfold to his back pocket. A long sigh escaped his lips as scanned the room, seeing no one with teal hair and a bright pink shirt as he approached the bar, finding a spot where he could keep an eye on the front door. He waved down one of the bartenders, who glided over towards him on her skates as she smiled at him.

“Hey there, what can I get ya?” She smiled at him, excitedly tapping her hands on the wooden countertop.

Changbin passed her the cash and shrugged. “A gin and tonic is fine. I don’t care what kind of gin you use.”

“You got it,” she skated away, off to make his drink.

Again, Changbin looked down to his watch. 21:21. The lights flickered off nine minutes early, UV lighting illuminating the entire rink, save the halogen lights by the washrooms, entrance, and most of the bar. The bartender returned with Changbin’s drink and his change.

“Quinine sure is fascinating, ain’t it? I love anything with tonic water on neon nights. Lemme know if you need anything else, buttercup.” She smiled, then skated away to her next customer before Changbin could make any sort of commentary. He stared wildly at his drink, literally glowing in a nuclear shade of blue, wondering if it had been adulterated. Quinine. He recognized the word from one of his organic chemistry texts from university, but the details of it escaped him.

Fuck it. Might as well just drink it.

He fumbled the cash into his right pocket, not bothering to stuff it back into his wallet. There was no way he was going to stand up in these fucking shoes unless he absolutely had to. Another glance to his watch. 21:24. Changbin grumbled under his breath, bringing the glass cup to his lips, biting the plastic straw between his teeth as he sucked up some of the toxic-looking liquid and he looked to the door. The drink nearly went everywhere as his eyes went wide and he saw a human glow stick walk in.

Neon pink shirt. Hair as violently blue as his own drink, topped with a purple beret. This was his human glow stick. It was fucking Yang Jeongin, actually here, in the flesh. Changbin didn’t even try to doubt it.

The black-haired man dipped his head down in nervousness, his heartbeat thrumming so loudly, it overtook the music being played over the loud speakers behind him. He had gotten this far, but Changbin had no idea what to do now. These men had essentially fucked over the phone just the night prior — well, they had attempted to, for all intents and purposes.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

How do people do blind dates? In the six years he spent studying research and analysis, he never came across something like this in his texts and papers. The countless nights he spent researching the human connection and other psychological and sociological theories had meant jack shit when it actually came to experiencing them in person. If his hair wasn’t well-coiffed, Changbin would be nervously running his fingers through his hair and biting off every single fingernail he could. It had been years since he dated, and this could go very poorly.

Something inside of him compelled him to look again. Perhaps the human glow stick was a figment of his imagination, the wrong person. Something. Anything. Anyone other than Yang Jeongin. Changbin sucked down another large swig of his drink, and turned his head slightly, and saw that the glow stick was scanning the bar. Changbin was about to turn away out of nervousness when they made eye contact.

He hadn’t consumed any questionable substances other than a couple sips of his drink, but it was like a fire had been set alight within him, burning away some of his anxiety and replacing it with a sense of confidence. That was definitely Jeongin, the gaze they exchanged with each other left no room for question.

The younger man smiled, biting his lip as he excitedly trekked up to Changbin. He stopped in front of him, gazing down at the older man’s shirt, then wiggling a bit in joy as he opened his mouth.

“Please tell me you’re Seo Changbin, otherwise you’re going to be very disappointed tonight.”

“Well,” Changbin couldn’t help but half-smirk with a bit of a cocky arrogance he didn’t know he had. He set his drink down on the bar and leaned on his elbow, slowly looking up at the neon-clad man. “That depends on who’s asking, don’t you think?” He used the first words Jeongin spoke at him against him, and the younger man giggled.

“Yang Jeongin, at your service. Raspberry beret included. Still the best year in music this decade.” The blue-haired man winks and leans in close, very close to the older man, as he then rests his arms on the countertop, flagging down the same bartender as before. She nods and starts working on a drink without even talking to him. The young man sits back on his heels and boldly slaps a hand on Changbin’s thigh. He moves in, right up next to the black-haired man’s ear, lips practically touching it as he lowers his voice to a whisper. “You know, Changbin, librarians aren’t supposed to be hot and sexy, but man, am I glad I’ve been proven wrong.”

Changbin may have been nervous as all hell just a few minutes ago, but now he had a sneaking feeling that maybe, just maybe, this date was going to work out after all.

The two of them share a couple of drinks at the bar, really hitting it off. Jeongin doesn’t lift his hand from Changbin’s thigh, which the elder doesn’t mind, slowly getting the courage to place his hand on top of it after their second drink. At some point, Jeongin sticks his tongue out in defiance, showing off a neon green tongue ring on bright display, and Changbin is impressed.

“I’m full of a lot of secrets, you know.” The younger man teases, aimlessly biting on his straw.

“I guess I’m gonna have to slowly unwrap you in order to find out all of those secrets, huh?” Thanks to the alcohol, Changbin’s a lot smoother than he thinks he is, realizing that the words sounded a lot less innocuous than he intended. He blinks rapidly and stumbles over his words. “Sorry,” he apologizes, then rubs his forehead with his free hand. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

“That was a good pickup line,” the blue-haired man giggles into his drink, emptying the contents of the glass, then slamming it down on the counter. He takes his newly-freed hand and rests his head in his palm, happily smiling at the man in front of him. “Now what?”

Changbin gently sets his drink on the counter, then reaches into his left pocket, scooping up the dime bag from the other day, tucking it into the palm of his hand. “I got these from Seungmin the other day. Kind of a strange question, but,” he looks up to the younger man and licks his bottom lip, “you trust me enough to get a little tripped out?”

Jeongin excitedly shimmies his shoulders back and forth a couple of times. “You’re friends with Seungmin, so that’s good enough for me. Whatcha got on the menu for tonight, hmm?”

“Something pretty to go right up next to that tongue ring of yours.” Changbin takes his hand off of Jeongin’s, inconspicuously fiddling with the bag. He pulls out a small baby pink square of paper, briefly flashing it at the younger man. “I can take it first if you don’t trust me.”

Jeongin doesn’t say anything, only moving in a bit closer, and he sticks his tongue out, mouth wide open, everything shiny with saliva and on full display. He looks up to Changbin with pleading eyes and makes a little cooing noise.

Changbin let his eyes flutter shut for a brief second as he sharply inhaled through his nose and then shifted in his seat in mild discomfort. “You’re dangerous,” he whispered, eyes half-lidded as he grabbed Jeongin’s chin, lightly tugging him closer for a moment, as he pressed the paper onto the moist, warm tongue in front of him. “I’m ready to get burned with fire, though.” He wastes no time to pluck the second piece of paper from the plastic bag, pressing it against his own tongue. “Let everything chill out on your tongue for a while, alright?”

“You say that like you think I’ve never dropped acid before, dude.” The younger man smiled widely, then tugged at Changbin’s hand, pulling him up to his feet. “Let’s go get some skates and roll around while we wait.”

Changbin’s eyes went wide and his feet screamed at him as he was jostled upright. It was going to hurt, but it didn’t matter. A bit of discomfort would be worth it to see the joyful look on Jeongin’s face as they glided around on the polished floor, waiting for the colours to slowly meld together and wrap around them in a hazy, yet incandescent rainbow.

“Wait a second,” Jeongin cackles and drops the laces of his skates. “You mean to tell me you’re twenty-five and you’ve never been good at skating? Dude. Your childhood must’ve been boring as shit.”

“Come on,” Changbin drawls, sighing as he pouts at the younger man. “The only physical activity I really like is weightlifting, and that’s not even a frequent hobby of mine. I’d rather get baked after work and listen to records while laying on the floor.” The two men stare at each other for a minute, then burst into laughter.

“Alright, I can see you getting baked, but weightlifting? As if, man.” Jeongin shakes his head and bends back down to finish tying his laces. “Librarians aren’t supposed to be buff and shit, that’s not how that works at all.”

A sarcastic huff escapes Changbin’s lips. He drops to the floor, grabbing Jeongin’s hands and looking up to the younger man, his face getting dangerously close, close enough to almost brush their lips together. They stare at each other for a moment, the air stilling around them, before the older man moves to touch their cheeks together, lips against Jeongin’s ear. “You also said librarians aren’t supposed to be hot, but I proved you wrong with that, too.” Changbin lets go of Jeongin’s hands, moving them to dance his fingertips against the top of the neon man’s thighs. “Let me see how many times I can prove you wrong tonight.”

Jeongin lets out a shaky gasp, pressing his cheek up against the older man’s, moving in close as if he was about to kiss him, but Changbin pulls away too quickly, winking at him before he moves down to help tie his laces. “God,” the younger man sighs, throwing his head back and subtly rolling his hips in his chair to readjust, “you’re a tease, man. That’s not fair.”

“Life’s not fair sometimes. Gotta have the dark to appreciate the light.” Changbin smirks to himself as he finishes knotting the laces in his hands. He makes his way to his feet, awkwardly stumbling a bit before he reaches his hands down in front of Jeongin. “Shall we?”

Jeongin takes one of Changbin’s hands and helps himself upright. “Awfully confident for someone who can’t skate.” He smiles, then gently tugs the older man towards the open air of the entrance of the rink.

Changbin sucks air in through his teeth as he starts to move, flailing his free hand a bit as he awkwardly shuffles his feet to help him move with a bit more purpose. They step on to the glossy hardwood floor, and Jeongin spins around, skating backwards as he pulls Changbin along. He reaches out for the older man’s other hand, which Changbin carefully reaches down and grabs. They interlace their fingers together, staring longingly at each other.

“I trusted you with the acid,” Jeongin says at a volume just loud enough to carry over the song roaring through the speakers, “now trust me with the skating, yeah?”

Changbin nods, his face slightly wrinkled up in nervousness. He bites his lip, starting to get the hang of the way they slid around the floor, only having some issues with the rounded corners. People were flying past them, but it didn’t matter. The only thing Changbin wanted to focus on was Jeongin.

“You’re getting it,” the younger man smiled, standing totally upright and pulling the older man closer to him, maybe just a few centimetres away from each other. They smile softly at one another, slowing down a bit as Changbin started to get lost in the way the brilliant lighting warmed against Jeongin’s face, highlighting his high cheekbones and his soft lips.

There was nothing more that Changbin wanted than to kiss those lips.

As he was leaning in, Jeongin let go of his hands. “You teased me earlier,” he scoffed, “now you’ve gotta earn that kiss.” He looks over his shoulder, then turns back and smiles. “You’ve gotta make one full loop around: from the entrance and back. Then you’ll have earned that kiss from me.”

Changbin opens his mouth to protest, flailing around a bit, and Jeongin winks and practically flies away on his skates. He grits his teeth and huffs. “I’m gonna show you, goddammit.” The black-haired man frowns in determination, getting bolder with each stride he takes. Jeongin loops around again when he’s about halfway through, sticking his tongue out and blowing him a kiss as he spins around and jumps up into the air, landing perfectly back onto his feet. The younger man is off in a flash again, a trail of pink following him as he rolls away.

Oh. Changbin shakes his head as he comes around a corner. The acid had started to kick in and things got a little brighter, colours blurring together in the distance, lazily trailing around in a stutter as he moved around. He stared at the entrance of the rink, maybe fifty metres away, smiling to himself as he got closer and closer. At about twenty metres, Jeongin flew past him and veered off towards the wall, waiting with a smile.

As he approached Jeongin, Changbin intentionally didn’t slow down as much as he should have. He slowed a bit, and the younger man winced a bit and recoiled, preparing for a rough impact. However, the crash never came. Changbin pressed his hands into Jeongin’s chest as he got close, gently colliding against him, both of them landing against the wall.

They didn’t say anything. Changbin snaked a hand to Jeongin’s hip, and another up under his jaw, pulling it up into his. Their lips danced up against each others’, and there’s an electrical feeling that runs through Changbin’s veins, a spark between them. Their noses brush, nuzzling into the other as their lips open.

Jeongin tastes like lemon-lime soda and vodka, his tongue feeling almost like it was still covered in carbon dioxide as it rolled around Changbin’s. The older man digs his thumb into the younger man’s hip, causing a muffled squeak to roll up into his throat. An explosion of yellows and greens cloud Changbin’s vision as sounds start to translate into colours and haptic sensations.

It almost feels like they’re meant to be. Jeongin is the treble to Changbin’s bass. The light to his darkness. He is the neon glow stick to his dark, unlit candle. It may have been the drugs and the alcohol heightening everything, but from the way their humour complemented each other, to their oddities being so different yet similar, to the way that how sweet Jeongin’s kiss was against Changbin’s sour lips, everything was perfect.

“You’re perfect,” Changbin breathes into Jeongin’s mouth. “I don’t know why,” he pulls the younger man’s bottom lip gently between his teeth as he pulls away, staring up into half-open eyes, “but I just feel it.” The synth music beating along in the background practically pushes them closer, inviting them to stay wrapped up into one another.

Jeongin pushes back up against Changbin’s lips for a quick, hasty kiss that feels like electric pink and sparkling green. “It’s the drugs, but I’ll take the compliment.”

“I’m serious,” Changbin smiles at the sweetness of Jeongin’s lips against his again. “Like, your cheekbones. They’re so prominent, sharp, perfect. Your whole face just radiates brilliance. It’s like all of the colours dance off of your face and wrap it in this warm energy that demands attention.”

“Your lips are perfect,” Jeongin retorts with a laugh. “The way that your face wrinkles up when you smile. I wanna take that in, make you laugh for hours just to watch you scrunch your face together. Listen to the way your laugh staccatos discordantly against the music playing in the background.”

A warmth spreads in Changbin’s stomach, deep purples and pinks blending around the edges of his vision. It was time. He decides to finally bite the bullet, swallowing hard as he tries to keep his volume low enough for only Jeongin to hear him, “I wanna hear you say it again.”

There’s a short pause as Jeongin stills. “What’re you talking about?”

Changbin pushes Jeongin into the wall, rubbing his waist against the younger man’s. “Last night,” he trails his lips up Jeongin’s cheek, all the way up to his ear, “you told me you wanted me. Needed me.”

There’s a burst of orange as Jeongin laughs. “That’s right, isn’t it? Whatcha gonna do if I tell you that again, now that I have you here in my hands?” His hands quickly slap up against Changbin’s ass, grabbing it tightly. “We’re still in public, baby.”

A strangled moan accidentally comes from Changbin, feeling every nerve in his spine erupt in baby blues and jarring yellows at the younger man’s touch. “I don't care where we are. I’m gonna give you what you want,” he whispers, nibbling on the earlobe in front of him. “I’m going to steal you away, pull you away into the washroom, and I’m gonna fuck you up against the tiling or the wallpaper or whatever dingy shit they’ve got in there.”

It was like nobody was around, not that anyone was paying attention, anyways. The two of them ground up against each other, practically fucking as everyone went along with their lives around them. They were far from the only ones becoming so acquainted on the hardwood floor, but it didn’t matter. As far as Changbin was concerned, they were the only two people in the room, in the entire building, in the entire world.

“It’s tiling,” Jeongin whispers and bites Changbin’s ear, causing a neon rainbow, rippling in time to the music around them, to cloud his vision. “I let you take control over the phone last night, so I’m gonna do the fucking tonight. Come on.”

Changbin doesn’t have the wherewithal to protest as he’s dragged away by Jeongin, pulling them off towards the flickering, nauseatingly yellow-tinted halogen that illuminated the washroom door. Somehow, they had gotten lucky and nobody was in the entire washroom. They roll into the large stall towards the back. Jeongin locks the door behind them and pushes Changbin against the back wall, crashing their lips together.

The weird mixture of normal lighting with blacklight paints a strange picture against the back of Changbin’s eyelids. Each grazing of Jeongin’s teeth on his lips causes purple lines to streak down a backdrop of orange and crimson.

Warm. Jeongin was warm. Everything about him radiated warm colours and energy, even if his hair was the opposite of that.

Jeongin trails his lips down Changbin’s neck, and he grazes his teeth against the soft skin. “Wait,” the older man quietly protests, “don’t do anything that’ll leave a mark there.”

“Why not?” Jeongin looks up to the older man and smirks. “Afraid your coworkers and students are gonna find out you’re actually a bit of a freak who wants to get fucked in public?”

“Actually,” Changbin huffs, “kinda, yeah. Anything below the neck is fair game, though.

“I respect that.” Jeongin huffs, tugging the loose neckline of Changbin’s shirt down, exposing his collarbone. “Oh,” he pauses, cocking his head to the side. “781?”

Changbin hums, flushing in slight embarrassment, as he feels Jeongin’s eyes on his tattoo. “Dewey Decimal Classification. Music theory call number. That’s why there’s a treble clef next to it.”

“God, you’re such a fucking nerd. That’s hot as hell.” The younger man groans, then starts desperately sucking and biting up against the sensitive flesh.

Changbin doesn’t try to hide a needy whine at the sensation of Jeongin’s teeth against his skin. His hips roll up subconsciously, craving for some sort of stimulation against his growing erection. “Jeongin,” he whimpers, “I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

The younger man relinquishes the skin from his teeth. “Funny,” he says, standing up and looking down at the older man, pressing their hips together. “Neither do I.”

They wantonly kiss each other as they fumble with their pants. Jeongin tosses his beret to the floor, pulling out a condom and a small, travel-sized bottle of lube out from his back pocket. “As much as I love kissing those lips of yours and looking at your face,” he pulls away, quickly pressing a kiss to Changbin’s forehead, “this is gonna be a lot easier if you turn around.”

A nervous laugh bubbles up from Changbin as he somehow manages to roll around, pressing his hands up against the clammy tiling. He bends over slightly, pressing his hips against Jeongin’s crotch, eliciting a small groan from the younger man. Within a moment, thumbs are haphazardly tugging his waistband down, exposing his skin to the warm, open air.

“Your ass is really nice,” Jeongin takes in a quick breath and ghosts his fingers over the smooth skin.

“You say that now,” Changbin whispers as streams of green drift up from the corners of his vision, “but wait until you’re actually inside me.”

A desperate huff comes from Jeongin. “Fuck,” he groans, squeezing some lube on to his fingers and bringing his hand up to the older man’s perineum, dragging them up slowly to rub against his entrance. “I’ve been thinking about this nonstop since you told me you’d fuck me against your stupid work desk.” He coaxes a finger inside, and Changbin whines, rubbing his cheek against the dingy washroom tile. “I was ready to come right then and there. I didn’t know you’d be that much of a freak when Seungmin told me you were a librarian.”

Jeongin’s finger curls around a bit as he explores around, causing Changbin to let out soft little pants as his skin stretched against the finger. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he manages to grumble in between pants, “or how freaky I am. Maybe one day I’ll show you my collection of glass sex toys I keep hidden under my bed.”

Another finger slips in, and another moan loudly comes from the panting librarian. “Keep it down. Don’t wanna get kicked out with a hard-on, do you?” Changbin weakly nods, his eyes rolling back as he bites his lips and moves against Jeongin’s fingers. The younger man continues to stretch the sensitive skin as he gently rolls both of his fingers around, occasionally separating them in a scissoring-like motion.

Changbin bites back a loud, throaty moan, bringing his hand up to his mouth so he can bite on his knuckle. Colours rippled around in discordant patterns, roughly clashing up against each other, sparks of white popping up at random. “Jeongin,” he whines out, voice slightly muffled.

The younger man shudders at the sound of his name being uttered, and he slips his ring finger inside. As soon as the finger is completely inside of Changbin, the older man throws his head back and slips a bit on his skates. Jeongin grabs his hip tightly with his free hand. “Don’t worry, baby,” he whispers, in a soft, loving voice, “I’m not gonna let you fall. I’ll keep you safe right here, so let yourself go.”

Changbin’s hand leaves his mouth and slams up against the wall, curling his fingernails into the grout between the tiles. He closes his eyes tightly and loses himself in the sensation of being filled by three fingers, slowly working his way up to being prepared for whatever Jeongin’s dick was going to feel like inside of him. What he wasn’t prepared for, however, was when Jeongin’s middle finger curled up against his prostate and he arched his back in surprise.

“Jeongin,” he panted, rubbing his cheekbone into the tile, “fuck, there, right there.”

“Don’t worry,” the younger man reassures him, “all in due time. Trust me, a bassist knows what he’s doing when it comes to his fingers.”

“That’s,” Changbin pants again, “a terrible fucking pun.”

Jeongin rubs all three of his fingers in a circle, causing the older man to writhe under him. “Yeah, yeah,” he coos, “you don’t seem to actually be complaining, though.”

“I’m only gonna complain if you don’t shut up and fuck me here soon,” Changbin whines through gritted teeth. “I don’t wanna come unless it’s from your dick, alright?”

“Fine,” Jeongin grins, removing his fingers slowly, making sure to drag them down the walls of the sensitive skin around them. He pulls them out one by one, causing Changbin to twitch under him. Once his hand is free, he wrangles his cock from his pants, then rips the condom from the foil packet, sliding it onto him. He pulls the bottle of lube from his pocket, squirting a bit more onto his hand, stroking it on his cock. “You ready for me?”

“Yes,” Changbin turns his head, staring down Jeongin with half-lidded eyes. “I need you, Jeongin, please.”

The younger man smiles, then lines himself up against the elder’s entrance. “Whatever you want, babe.” Jeongin slides in, and the composure held in his face falters, lips parting and eyes rolling back a bit. His slick hand grabs Changbin’s other hip, digging his pinky and thumb tightly into his skin as he slowly makes his way completely inside. “Yeah, you were right. Your ass is much nicer now that I’m inside of you.”

“I know, I know. Jeongin, please, shut up and fuck me,” Changbin whines, rapidly panting as he’s filled. “I just wanna feel you fuck me senseless.”

“Needy,” Jeongin hisses through his teeth as he pulls back, then slams back into Changbin, the sound of skin against skin echoing throughout the tiling and linoleum, overtaking the muffled sounds of the electronica from the other room.

Everything felt and looked so much more vibrant thanks to the acid. Every thrust was another colour splattered up recklessly in Changbin’s vision. Sparks of light went flying every time Jeongin hit his prostate. Sex usually felt wonderful to Changbin; he wasn’t sure if it was because of the drugs specifically, or if it was Jeongin, or if it was both, but he was sure of one thing: this was an out-of-body experience. His mind was floating up in the sky, up along the stars, as if he was the main character in some bad science fiction space film.

“Jeongin,” he panted, continuing to cry out the younger man’s name like a mantra.

The blue-haired man panted heavily, taking the hand previously inside Changbin and wrapping it around his cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts. “You feel so good, baby, I’m gonna make a mess out of you.”

The colours in Changbin’s vision slowly started to turn white, ribbons of pink and blue in the shades of Jeongin wrapping around the edges of his sight. “Shit,” a throaty moan escaped his throat, “I’m gonna come, Jeongin, don’t fucking stop. Fuck, please don’t stop. Don’t stop. Ah, god, fuck, I—“

His back arched, fingernails dragging down the walls as Changbin tried, and failed, to keep himself from shouting Jeongin’s name at a loud volume. The younger man pumped him one last time, and cum splattered up against the wall, dripping down onto the floor, as the older man collapsed into the tiling.

“Fuck, that’s so good, you’re so good, Changbin,” he pulled back and then slammed into the older man one more time, curling into his back a bit, stabilizing his stance by gripping Changbin’s hip. He spilled his cum into the condom, and the two of them stood there and panted for what seemed like forever.

After several minutes, Jeongin pulled out, shakily standing back upright. “What the fuck was that, dude?” He laughed, and Changbin managed to stumble himself back up to a vertical position.

The older man rapidly blinked as he came back down from space, and he let out a long sigh. “Amazing, that's what that was,” he pulled his pants up from off of the floor, haphazardly fastening the button of his jeans together just enough. Changbin awkwardly rolls a bit, then pulls Jeongin into him by the neck, the two of them exchanging a warm, soft kiss with each other.

They kiss for only a moment or so. “We should probably clean up a little bit and then get out of here.” Jeongin chuckles once. “You kind of made a mess and I’m sure we probably scared off some people.

“You’re the reason I made that mess,” Changbin quips. “Besides, we’re not the only ones that have fucked in here tonight, I bet. We won’t be the last, either.”

After a bit of awkwardly shuffling around in skates, some commentary about never fucking in roller skates again, and a bit of cleanup, they emerge from the stall. Jeongin rolls over to the sink to wash his hands, smiling at Changbin through the mirror. “I think I’m gonna like you,” he says, and the older man makes eye contact with him through the mirror, then rolls up next to him.

“Yeah?” He presses a kiss up to the younger man’s cheek and adjusts the beret on his head. “You say that now, but wait until I go on a rant about the Library of Congress’ organizational system versus the Dewey Decimal Classification, or about how dumb university students can be.”

Jeongin turns his head and gently kisses Changbin’s lips as water drips down from his hands. “It’ll be cute, I bet. You had me hooked at listening to records and smoking weed while laying on the floor, but nerdy ranting? Icing on the cake, man.”

Changbin scoffs and grabs a couple of towels from the dispenser behind the younger man. “Stop dripping all that water over my skates, dude. Maybe you should come home with me and we can find out just how fun that all actually turns out to be.”

“I think that’s—“ Jeongin starts to speak, taking the towels from Changbin, until they’re distracted by the loud squeaking of the washroom door. They both turn to look at the noise, and Changbin’s not really sure if he’s imagining what he’s seeing due to drugs.

“Changbin?” The voice of the intruder sounds as shocked as Changbin feels.

“Chan?” Jeongin squints as his face as he looks at the man that walks in.

The three of them awkwardly stare at each other, and Changbin frowns. “You know him?” He asks Jeongin, who stares back at him with wide eyes.

Jeongin shrugs his shoulders. “It was, like, a year or so ago, but yeah. You slept with him, too?”

[tearsofthemis]

Tears of Themis : Chapter 1 “Social Snobbery” Part 16 [Court Stage]

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

(Wednesday, the court was called to order. I sat in the court waiting room, looking at the memory card that Xue XinRan had handed me, and couldn’t help but feel troubled.)

~~~Flashback~~~

Xue XinRan:

“Grandpa Fang told me before that there was actually a hidden camera inside the kitchen. It was something that Lu HaiYang had suggested for Grandpa Fang to install. It was to make sure that none of the employees slack off, but who would’ve thought… Grandpa Fang wishes for this piece of evidence not to be used in the case unless it’s absolutely necessary. Otherwise, he would feel like he had personally sent Lu HaiYang to prison, and he’ll have to live with a guilty conscience.”

~~~Flashback ends~~~

(In the footage, at 7:32AM on the day of the incident, Lu HaiYang can be clearly seen removing the water pump from the container and dumping Insect Repellent 330 into it. Then, Lu HaiYang seemed to be afraid that the concentration was too high, so he dumped out a portion of the contaminated water and refilled the spring water container with tap water. Then, Lu HaiYang disappears from the footage for several minutes. I’m guessing that’s when he feared the dosage would be too weak to cause a reaction and tampered with the water pump in order to add pesticide in the water chamber. However, this theory can’t be supported with security footage, nor did Fang Yuan see it with his own eyes. The existence of this footage explains why Mr. Fang was so sure that the culprit was Lu HaiYang, yet he did not clean the water pump.)

MC: “Lu HaiYang must have been struggling with his conscience… But in the end, the thirst for monetary success blinded him…”

(Even when I held the incriminating evidence in my hand, I didn’t feel happy. Just then, my phone vibrated as Xia Yan’s text message pops up on the screen.)

MC: “The super detective that helped me with the case can’t make it today? Sigh… I was hoping that he’d get to see the verdict…”

~~~

(Zuo Ran stood in front of the windows in his office, lost in thought. He pulled out his phone and dialed.)

Zuo Ran: “Mo Yi, it’s me. I found a suitable candidate for our investigative group. According to protocol, all we need is for you to administer the psychological assessment.”

Zuo Ran: “...”

Zuo Ran: “I’m discussing work. I don’t need you to concern yourself with my personal matters.”

Zuo Ran: “...”

Zuo Ran: “Mm. I’ll set up an appointment for her to come and see you as soon as possible.”

~~~

▌ Location: Civil Court, 10:00AM

Judge: “‘QingPing Restaurant’s food poisoning settlement case,’ the court is now in session. I call upon the plaintiff’s lawyer to state the litigation request.”

Cai HaoYu: “I, Cai HaoYu, senior associate of Bader Law Firm, will represent the six customers, including Zhang Qiang, who filed a lawsuit against QingPing Restaurant. The third day of this month, on Friday, Zhang Qiang and company dined at QingPing Restaurant for lunch. Due to the restaurant’s negligence in management, the spring water used to cook the sea fish and tofu soup was contaminated, resulting in my clients experiencing abdominal pain and diarrhea, requiring hospital treatment. This incident has not only caused bodily harm to my clients, but also left them with psychological trauma. Since the incident, my clients have lost their love for cuisine and can no longer consume food normally. Therefore, my clients are looking for a settlement of two hundred thousand dollars in damages - per person - from QingPing Restaurant.”

Judge: “Does the defendant disagree with the plaintiff’s statement?

MC: “The defendant for this case, Mr. Fang Yuan, owner of QingPing Restaurant, has entrusted me with full authority to appear in court in his place on the account of illness. The plaintiff’s characterization of this case as a food poisoning case, and that QingPing Restaurant should compensate for damages, is erroneous. This case is not a food poisoning case, but a criminal case of endangering public security by dangerous substance means. Mr. Fang Yuan is not at fault in the case, and is not liable to pay compensation!”

Cai HaoYu: “Is the defendant unable to pay for the settlement? To the extent that this proxy attorney would suggest such nonsense? The qualitative definition of this food poisoning case is supported by the Accident Identification Report issued by the Food Safety Bureau!” ~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “The Accident Identification Report can only prove that the food was contaminated with toxic substances, and is insufficient to justify whether or not this case was caused by malicious, intentional poisoning. This case’s real culprit is MeiWeiKa’s sales manager, Lu HaiYang!”

~~~

Judge: “To the defendant’s proxy attorney, at the moment, Lu HaiYang is unrelated in this case. Please provide evidence to prove his involvement in the poisoning.”

MC: “I will provide sufficient evidence to the jury, I ask the court to summon Lu HaiYang.”

Judge: “Request granted, please summon Lu HaiYang to court.”

Lu HaiYang: “The old man must be crazy, to hop hurdles to try and bite me!”

Cai HaoYu: “Although Lu HaiYang’s language is foul, I believe the defendant’s attorney is attempting to divert attention away from the case proceedings.”

MC: “To start, according to the accident detailed in the Accident Identification Report, the affected customers experienced food poisoning symptoms caused by the ingestion of toxic chemicals found in the pesticide. The pesticides bought by restaurant owner Fang Yuan and his employee for use in the restaurant is the brand ‘Bugger Off’, and is known to be harmless to humans.”

Cai HaoYu: “This is only Fang Yuan’s verbal claim, he could have secretly purchased other harmful substances behind your back.”

~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “Objection! This is not just a verbal claim! The pesticide used to contaminate the water source was obtained by Lu HaiYang, the evidence is…” ▌ [Select receipt for Insect Repellent 330]

MC: “In the restaurant, I found a receipt for an industrial-use pesticide, called Insect Repellent 330. This pesticide is harmful to humans when ingested, but is not severe enough to cause death. Symptoms include abdominal pain and diarrhea, which matches up to the symptoms described in the Accident Identification Report. The bank account used in this transaction is Lu HaiYang’s personal checking account.”

Lu HaiYang: “That’s just your speculation! The receipt would only show a small portion of the bank account number, that is not my account!”

▌ [Select fingerprint on the receipt]

MC: “Harm by using dangerous substances falls under the classification of a criminal case. As long as the evidence is handed over to the prosecutor, it is easy to find out whether or not you made the transaction. Besides that, your fingerprints are on the receipt! How do you explain that, Lu HaiYang!”

Lu HaiYang: “This… even if I bought it, that doesn’t prove that I was the one who poisoned the water! There’s a cockroach infestation at my rental home, I bought it to use to control it. I just dropped it at the restaurant when I was visiting the old man.”

MC: “When you went to see Fang Yuan, what time did you go?”

Lu HaiYang: “Obviously I went after the day of the incident. Us at MeiWeiKa were planning on offering our PR services. I went to see Fang Yuan, because I wanted to help him with his predicament. Who knew he was stingy enough to give up his restaurant’s reputation for the sake of money.”

Cai HaoYu: “I agree. Your excellency, my clients tried to reconcile with Fang Yuan in an attempt to settle the incident out of court, but the other party refused to pay for the damages, escalating the issue into a lawsuit.”

~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “Attorney Cai, the client took the opportunity to blackmail my client in demanding compensation past the legal limit as dictated by the law. Of course my client will refuse to pay the settlement! Lu HaiYang, although you did indeed visit the restaurant to see Fang Yuan, it definitely wasn’t after the incident! Lu HaiYang visited the restaurant before the incident, and he had sufficient time to commit the crime. The evidence is…”

▌ [Select SD card from the restaurant security camera]

MC: “According to the restaurant security footage, on the morning of the incident at 7:28AM, you were caught on camera visiting QingPing Restaurant, and stayed until 7:43AM before you finally left. To add, the security footage can attest to: the spring water being delivered that day at 6:00AM, the restaurant being unattended from 6:00AM to 8:00AM when Fang Yuan and his runner were off procuring foodstuff, and that the waiter did not clock in until 9:00AM. You were in the restaurant alone, and the spring water was already there by the time of your visit. Can you explain why you were at the restaurant then? Why would you stay in an empty restaurant for fifteen minutes?”

Lu HaiYang: “I… I was going to promote our VIP membership to Fang Yuan, but he wasn’t there, so I waited a little. I saw that he wasn’t going to be back for a while, then I left.”

Cai HaoYu: “Your excellency, I believe Lu HaiYang’s reasoning is sound. He is only a hard-working sales associate who works hard for his company.”

~~~OBJECTION!~~~

MC: “Objection! Although his job is hard, all of his hard work was used in immoral ways! The evidence that incriminates Lu HaiYang as the culprit who tampered with the spring water is…”

▌ [Select water pump]

MC: “Lu HaiYang, you did not spend those fifteen minutes idling in the restaurant! The water pump they used to extract spring water from its container was tampered with, and large amounts of 330 residue was found in the cavity of it! To add, your fingerprints were found on the water pump! How can you explain this?”

Lu HaiYang: “I… I was… I was only thirsty, so I used the water pump to grab some drinking water…”

MC: “Then why were your fingerprints found on the inside of the water pump where the 330 was deposited!”

Lu HaiYang: “That…”

MC: “I bet you’re gonna go real quiet now! The pump’s cavity was filled with 330 powder, the Accident Identification Report classification of ‘malpractice’ is fundamentally incorrect! You did so with malicious intent!”

Lu HaiYang: “The water pump wasn’t working right, I just took it apart to take a look!”

MC: “What insolence! The pump is fully functional right now, shall I demonstrate in court for you, right now!?”

Lu HaiYang: “I, I… I don’t have the motive to do something like that! Why would I try to sabotage the restaurant?! When I first moved to Stellis City, I was only a part-time worker fresh out of high school. It was Mr. Fang Yuan who encouraged me to try and study for university entrance exams, and it was thanks to his support that I was able to go to university and try to change my future. I’ve always been thankful for everything that Mr. Fang Yuan has done for me. After I was hired at MeiWeiKa, I only wanted to help promote his restaurant, I have no reason to harm him!”

MC: “Lu HaiYang, you are shameless enough to reverse what’s black and what’s white!”

Judge: “Order in the court. Proxy lawyer, please pay attention to your words. In regards to Lu HaiYang’s claims, do you have evidence to doubt his character?”

Cai HaoYu: “Your excellency, I can see that the proxy attorney is already scrounging for spare change.”

MC: “The proof to show that Lu HaiYang had motive is…” ▌ [Select voice recording from restaurant outburst]

MC: “Last Saturday, when I was at the crime scene undergoing the investigation, Lu HaiYang, you stormed into the restaurant. You admitted that day, that due to your own work stress of not meeting targeted quotas, you had expressed your desire for Fang Yuan to sign on for MeiWeiKa’s PR services. If the restaurant didn't encounter anything serious enough to hurt its flawless reputation, such as an accidental food poisoning incident, why would it require your PR services? Your company hired writers to flood his page with poor reviews, when in reality, Fang Yuan’s restaurant was never impacted by the supposed negative online presence. The restaurant’s physical guestbook is filled with outstanding praise for the cuisine, and a handwritten note is better than a hundred of online fake reviews! So pray tell, who would benefit the most from QingPing Restaurant’s incident? Everything you admitted was recorded on tape; I bet you didn’t even think of that! In this recording, your attitude towards Fang Yuan was cold, insincere, and manipulative!”

Lu HaiYang: “Just because I can’t make a sale, you’re implying that I planted the poison, I disagree!”

Judge: “The recording indeed proves that the relationship between Fang Yuan and Lu HaiYang has soured, but it cannot directly incriminate Lu HaiYang.”

Cai HaoYu: “Proxy attorney, you’ve mentioned previously that Lu HaiYang’s fingerprints were found on the water pump, but were Lu HaiYang’s fingerprints the only ones?”

MC: “On the exterior, in addition to Lu HaiYang’s fingerprints, the other two employees and Fang Yuan’s fingerprints were also located. The existence of their prints are routine, as they will come in contact with the water pump during their job.”

~~~Opponent Objection!~~~

Cai HaoYu: “Then you cannot eliminate the other two employees as suspects in tampering with the water pump. They can deposit the pesticide powder into the pump’s cavity, with the use of other tools, then they will not leave fingerprints inside the pump. If this is the case, then the restaurant will face heavier repercussions. Proxy attorney, I see that you’re just shooting yourself in the foot.”

Judge: “It seems that although suspicions toward Lu HaiYang is warranted, there is still a lack of conclusive evidence to prove that he is indeed guilty.”

MC: (Should I use the security footage from the kitchen?) (I looked toward the gallery where Zuo Ran and Xue XinRan sat. Zuo Ran watched me with a calm state. In practice, the moment a lawyer steps into court, we shouldn’t be swayed by our emotions. But I couldn't ignore how red Xue XinRan’s eyes were. Behind the physical evidence of the security footage lies the story of an old man’s internal struggles.)

MC: (In Mr. Fang’s heart, even if Lu HaiYang has done many unexcusable things, he still sees it as if he were to incriminate his own son, considering how similar Lu HaiYang looks like Mr. Fang’s outstanding late son. If Lu HaiYang ends up convicted, Mr. Fang will be heartbroken… so I should…)

▌ [Select to show the kitchen security footage]

MC: “I… have another piece of evidence to show to the court. Lu HaiYang, when you used to work for Fang Yuan, you voiced your concerns about employees slacking off, and you helped Fang Yuan install a concealed camera in the kitchen. Do you have any recollection of this?”

Lu HaiYang: “Y-you… No way…”

MC: “When you were younger, you strived to give it your all in order to be accepted into university. When you were younger, you still held respect for Fang Yuan, and you were always looking out for his best interests. So remember this, your guilty verdict today in court isn’t because of Mr. Fang, isn’t because of me, but it is because of the kind and upright Lu HaiYang years ago!”

(I handed the judge the recording. Lu HaiYang could be clearly seen in the act, pouring in the pesticide and contaminating the spring water. There was no more room for him to try and bluff his way out of it.)

(Fang Yuan stood up from the gallery. When he arrived at the courtroom unbeknownst to me, he looked over the proceedings and sighed.)

Judge: “Lu HaiYang, what do you have to add in order to explain yourself?”

Lu HaiYang: “I’m… I’m not… Your excellency, I did not act out of my own volition, I was forced to do it! The company forced me to do it. All the seniors that came before me, they resorted to these tactics too! You can’t just convict me. If you must, you gotta convict them all!”

Judge: “Lu HaiYang, may the court believe that this is your admission to the crime of poisoning?”

Lu HaiYang: “!!!”

Judge: “The court decrees! The plaintiff Zhang Qiang and the six other customers suing defendant QingPing Restaurant on the account of food poisoning caused by misoperation, after the court proceedings, I declare the nature of the case has changed significantly. The court hereby pronounces the plaintiff’s request for compensation as rejected. The amount, and whether or not the defendant will be required to pay settlement for the damages ensued, will be retried after the relevant criminal trial has ended. Bailiffs, please take Lu HaiYang into custody and to be transferred to the proper law enforcement segment.”

Lu HaiYang: “Fang Yuan! You can’t do this, how could you harm me like this!”

(Lu HaiYang attempted to shake off the two officers in order to rush toward Fang Yuan in the gallery, but he was restrained by the bailiffs. Xue XinRan and Zuo Ran stood on Fang Yuan’s side, preventing Lu HaiYang from harming him. After seeing Lu HaiYang in this state, Fang Yuan started to cry.)

Fang Yuan: “You’re… past the point of saving! It’s my fault, I should have locked you up at home and forbade you from going to work. Then, perhaps we wouldn’t be here today…”

(Fang Yuan shook Xue XinRan’s hand off of his shoulder, turned, and left.)

Cai HaoYu: “Wh-what… I lost to some junior associate from Themis?! I don’t believe it. As if it wasn’t bad enough losing to Zuo Ran!”

Judge: “This court is adjourned. All rise!”

-------

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

——- 

《CREDIT》 Translator: @humi-and-co​ Editor: @hallowsivy 《未定事件簿》Tears of Themis is a 2020 Chinese otome game by 米哈游Mihoyo. All original credits go to 米哈游Mihoyo.

《 VOICE ACTORS 》 Zuo Ran | Zhao Lu: https://weibo.com/mzhaolu Xue XinRan | V17-Su Wan: https://weibo.com/u/2925530143 Fang Yuan | Zhao Yang Lu HaiYang | Zhang Pei: https://weibo.com/u/1937059462 Cai HaoYu | Peng XiaoPang: https://weibo.com/u/5646280912

——-

Behind The Scenes:  White(Humi), Blue(Ivy)

Ivy: The lawyer from Bader’s CV’s pen name (I think) is 鹏小胖, where 小胖 means little chubby (in a cute way like how you’d call a baby chubby/cute >_< it doesn’t translate well) Anyway, it suits him so well ahaha ~~ so uwu with the little baby fat (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*♡

[amnachil]

To the Perfection Chapter 2 Part 5

Here’s the next part. The whole story happen at the same time than The College Society, we’re only a little month ahead.

Cody Wednesday April 3

Being ignored was painful. He honestly had thought Thomas couldn't do worst. Oh man he had been so wrong. I screwed everything when I talked with Raphaël. The plan didn't go as planned. Not at all. And the time to deal with the consequences had come. On monday, the ginger has said only one sentence to the crowd. One.

"It's hard because Cody said I was a freak and Ilhan was a fucking useless fatty, however I thank you all for your support. I know you'll do the right thing."

And hell had begun. Highschool students could be mean. Especially when you purportedly insulted their favorite. The bad words are bearable. The beating is too. But their looks... They hated him with their soul. Cody should have probably said something but he hadn't. Because he had deserved it. And because he was still in love with Thomas. Why ? Why I can only dream about him, I can only think about him even though he's the one who destroyed my life ? The worst had been this exact moment when he had lied to Joël.

"Yes, I said it." he had revealed.

His friend's eyes had widened. Shock, realisation, pity, anger went through them. Cody endured it. I don't know why I lied in the first place. Maybe because he didn't want his childhood friend to go down with him ? Joël should have the right to stay with Thomas. I know he's happier this way. So the teenager was suffering all alone. But hell was only starting.

Cody was leaving school as discreetly as possible this evening. They all were going to soccer's practice, so nobody would annoy him. His parents weren't home for the month and his siblings too young to understand what was going on. So he could bear the burden on his own. Or he thought. A gigantic man arose right in front of him. He was wearing a cop's uniform. Well, he was around the same height than Cody but maybe two or three times bigger. It was very imposing.

"Hey there." he said nonchalently.

The young lad didn't answer. I think I remember him. He was hanging a lot with Thomas during our 10th grade... What was his name again ? It definitely started by G.

"So I heard you hate Thomas because he's gay ?"

Cody gulped. The man was very menacing.

"I wouldn't say I hate him..." he timidely replied.

"I don't like you." cut the policeman. "Thomas is a good guy and you, you're a nobody who's just jealous of him. You're lucky Raphaël didn't know about what you say."

Yeah, I suppose so...

"I won't beat the crap out of you because I'm a nice guy." continued the other. "But just so you know, if you hurt Thomas ever again I will change my mind okay ?"

Cody nodded. What can I say ? Who would believe me anyway ? He's the most popular in highschool, he's bright, cheerful and warm. And this is why I'm so in love with him... The 12th grade student never hated himself more than today.

Dan Friday April 5 – Saturday April 6

Something wasn't right in Darren's behavior. Now he was avoiding Dan again. He's doing that since last weekend when Raphaël was there. Was he scared by the national player ? I told him there is nothing to be afraid of. The college student's belly gurgled to notify his hunger. Boy I'm starving because of all this thinking. The good news was : his grades were going up again. He left the university hastily because Shirley was waiting for him. His sister was doing well. She had greatly improved. They had agreed to meet in the local fastfood (the one Sam was working for) so he joined her there. Dan ordered quite a lot and sat in front of the young girl.

"Sorry I'm late." he said as an introduction. "I had question for my teach'."

"No problem I just arrived." she replied. "I'm glad to know you're taking your studies so seriously."

"Yeah, Carol and mom are saying the same."

His food arrived and he dug in. Damn he was so famished.

"Hum Dan, can I ask you something a bit private ?"

He nodded, too busy stuffing his face.

"Well I... noticed Raphaël looked a bit... tired last weekend ? You know, I've spent a whole year analyzing the man in order to defeat him and I think I know him pretty well. He's still the same perfect athlete but his aura was kind of... colder ?"

"I noticed that too." whispered Dan.

So it wasn't only his imagination. His boyfriend was probably suffering. But why ? He has everything he wants.

"You don't know what is happening, do you ?" Shirley asked. "It might sounds a bit hypocrit but I'm worried for both of you. Is everything fine ?"

"Well, I think we're okay. To be honest, I thought these littles changes were only due to the fatigue, but maybe there is something else. He was very disturbed after Thomas's coming out."

"I'm not an expert of relationship Dan but you should talk to him. Raphaël has his own way to communicate, we both know that. He's not your ordinary man."

"He'll be back for his birthday the 16th. I'm gonna clear things out this day."

In the meantime, he had a lot of things to do. Dan intended to make this birthday special. I want it to be perfect. With an awesome gift for my awesome man. So he headed to the shopping mall. He was seeking what he could buy when he noticed Thomas wandering alone. He came closer and hailed him.

"Hey bud'. Whatcha doing here all by yourself ? Ain't you supposed to be at school ?"

"We have a free period." replied his friend. "And I was... looking for a gift. For big bro's birthday."

"Same here, funny we had the same idea !" laughed Dan. "Want to search together ?"

"Sure."

They walked for an hour. A lot of things looked cool but nothing was as cool as Raphaël. I need to come up with a excellent idea. Finally, the college student started to feel tired and hungry. His ginger friend offered him a crepe from a french store and they sat on a bench.

"By the way Thomy, maybe you can help." Dan wondered. "Don't you think Raphaël seemed a bit weary last weekend ?"

His friend frowned.

"Maybe ? It's difficult to read him."

"Yeah but well, his body is very cold and his tone seems kind of lethargic. I'm pretty sure something is bothering him but I don't know what. Any idea ?"

"No ? I mean, he's on every channel for his debut as a model. The national selection wants him for the next world's championship and he has a loveable boyfriend. Why would he feels bad ? Unless you think... It's my fault ? Because I'm gay ?"

Don't say that. I know this is not.

"Dude, there is absolutely no way Raphaël resent you for being gay and in a relationship. I'm even thinking he's happy about it."

Thomas nodded slowly, seemingly convinced. Don't doubt yourself Thomy, you're great.

"So maybe it is about your relationship..." the ginger whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong, did you ?"

"No, I don't think so."

Thomas smiled but with sadness. What ? He looked about to reveal something very important.

"Well..." he started. "So it must be him. He must have done something bad and he can't say what. Damn, I hope he didn't betrayed your truth !"

Dan hoped too. Well in truth, this theory was ridiculous. But the words were creeping in his mind already...

Thomas Monday April 8

"Hey assholes ! Leave him alone !"

Joël waved at the three girls who were bullying Cody and they went away. Thomas looked the scene with a smile. I feel good. Everything was going well : Ilhan was a perfect sex-toy, the leech was hated like he deserved to be and Dan was having doubts about Raphaël. When I'll bring the Darren's stuff, things will get very interesting.

"Damn girls." mumbled his cocky friend. "I think the whole thing could've been dealt better."

The ginger raised an eyebrow.

"Got something to say to me Joël ?" he smiled.

The other looked at him.

"Yeah, actually I do. Don't get it wrong, I'm one hundred percent with you and Cody had no right to talk to you like this. But was it necessary to make the whole school turn against him ?"

"I just told the truth to the people who wanted to know it." Thomas countered.

What is it ? Does Joël think I was wrong ?

"And it bring us where ? Do you feel better now that they are bullying your old friend ? Because if you do, maybe you're just like him : not accepting. We both know you're better than that right ?"

Ilhan, who was listening to the conversation, took a step backwards. He probably sensed Thomas was angry now. How dares he ? I'm right with everything I do. Always. He doesn't have the right to contest my decision. The ginger thought all this, but he couldn't find the gut to tell it. It was stuck in his throat.

"Anyway, what is done is done." concluded Joël. "And now I have to yell at the girls I wanted to fuck. Pff, that was very not cool of you Thomy."

"If you deseperatly needs sex, I'm sure I can find someone." Thomas smiled.

I definitly prefer you when you're your usual selfish idiot. Just stay that way.

During the last hour of class, they had science. The young teenager decided it was the good moment to try his luck. He approached Darren while the others were leaving.

"Sir." he smiled. "I heard from Dan that you were... scared of my big bro ?"

The teacher looked at him, wary.

"I'm not scared." he contradicted. "We just don't get along very well. Trust me, I would love to make peace with him but... He doesn't like the idea."

"Maybe I can help." smiled warmly Thomas. "I'm the best person whom you should ask help to when it's related to Raphaël after all."

"I thought you disliked me because I'm not easily charmed." commented Darren.

"It's true I wasn't liking you at first. But you're Dan's friend and I'm too. We both want the best for him and I think it is very important that you and big bro manage to get along. So, can I come to your place this sunday and we'll talk about this ?"

"Sure."

This evening, Thomas fucked Ilhan very roughly. He was satisfied with the recent events. And when he arrived home, he was more than happy. Dan was in the living room, slumped on the couch. He was seemingly overstuffed : his belly was forming a large and solid sphere. The ginger felt aroused in no time.

"I'm back." he said. "How was the day ?"

"Bad." replied the college student. "Raphaël is abroad and I can't call or text him. I asked Carol and you know what she said ? Maybe he was cheating on me ? Cheating on me, seriously ?!"

Oh this is so great. Thomas didn't even have to the job himself.

"He wouldn't dare I'm sure." he said.

Dan looked at him, unconvinced. Finally, your naivety and your insecurities are working for me. Raphaël's perfection is playing against himself.

"I will cook something good to help you feel better okay ?" he smiled.

"Sure. Thank you man, you're amazing." mumbled his crush.

I'm so winning this.

To be continued

Things are finally getting interesting. 

Cody is in deep troubles. He lost his friends, his reputation and everything. Being antagonized by a whole school is never fun... 

Meanwhile, Dan is optimistic... Little does he know what Thomas is scheming behind his back. The young ginger will be the death of them I swear.

[its-3am-sadness]

getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

Monday February 11th,2013:

well..i hate myself. terribly. fucking. little. cunt. thats what i am. a fucking bitch. a pussy, more like a pair of balls.. pussy's are actually quite strong.. so im a pair of balls. GROSS!.. i like pussy better.. whatever. so anyway.. i hate how much of a bitch i am. im so mean to everyone. im not good enough for shawntay. i dont deserve jake and i feel like i treat both of them like shit.. i dont mean to. they're both my whole world..damn.. i couldnt live with out both of them.. i really couldnt.

Conversation on Saturday Night:

me: how isn't it? if you go then you wont have to worry about me.

Jake: ill worry more

me:no

Jake: yeah i will

Me:no

Jake: why cant i?

me: Because..you just cant. you shouldnt. its not worth it.Never. You should leave before you get hurt.

Jake: this isnt about right now anymore is it?

me: i guess not..

Jake: cause ive told you before im not leaving unless you stop loving me ima be here for you until you dont want me to and ima be with you till you break up with me, i love you and im gonna stay through thick and thin. you wont hurt me. You wont.

Baby i friken love you and i wanna be with you no matter what im yous i dont want anyone else but you and im gonna stay okay?

Me: i hurt everyone. i want to be with you. i am in love with you. but i am so hard and difficult. i push every single person away because i just tear people down. i dont want to do that. You are so amazing and that cant die.

how can i call that mine? that is a way to good for me kindda guy.. ive fallen in love with him. but he is way to good for me.

Tuesday February 12, 2013:

i almost cut last night.. i lost it and i started crying terribly. my mother is such a damn bitch. i cant handle her anymore.. she's having surgary on the 25th of this month.. but shes forcing me to appologise for being 'rude' to my brothers wife.. fuck that.. she told me i didnt appriciate anyone.. you dont tell someone who hates themself, who seriously cant stand to look at herself or hear herself, you DONT TELL THEM THAT THEYRE NOT FUCKING APPRICATIVE! what the hell.. so i have anger issues so i flipped out, not to her, just annonmusly over facebook & shes not even my friend on there so fuck her. seriously. and my mother is sticking up for HER, an not ME. bitch.. i have enough shit i dont need to deal with this, its from over a month ago.. i hate my mother.. she fucking came running downstairs screaming at me for taking something that i really didnt.. i didnt even know what she was talking about.. why... im always to blame. FUCK HER! god... she makes me want to kill myself. she thinks that i look up to her and that she's this perfect little angel and does everything for me.. but all she does is make me feel like shit.. i mean we have our moments that we get along an laugh an are friends. when we're friends we're totally fine, but than she turns in to over protective bitch mode.. i hate itt.. i dont wanna stay after school to get extra help.. and shes fucking making me. i hate it. i hate her. i want to get the fuck away. HELP ME! i need to be saved.

Wednesday February 13th, 2013:

theres not a lot of time to write here today...i only got about 3 minutes.. but damn.. i wanna die.. im not going to stopo myself tonight if i wanna cut. i gotta do it.. its to hard. my parents and my one brother are douches..they fucking dont know when to stop making me feel like shit.. i hate it. goddamn.. i cried so much last night.. i wish i were alone.. it'd be easier not to worry about hurting someone.. i hate myself. im absolutly disguesting. fat, ugly and just so gross.. i hate what ive become.. i cant stop myself. it's who i am now..

my razors fell out of my case this morning, it was scary i thought that someone was going to ask me what they were when i bent to pick them up.. i was so shakey.. i hate myself. ughhh. fuck. i hate everyone, my self the absolute most though.. good bye..

Thursday Febraury 14th, 2013:

well.. i stopped the 21 days last night.. 16.. 2 on my thigh, they're small. and the rest between my two arms. im such a fail..

Jake did the cutest thing ever.. he put a bunch of choclate kisses in my locker & taped it saying 'i <3 u' i keep blushing today.. i just told someone i like they're hat & he said he liked my face, i blush to much, i dont like him even, but it was kindda a compliment, soo.. *sigh* i hope shawntay doesnt get mad at me.. i told her i cut in our notebook, i havent told jake & im nott gunna unless he asks.. i cant tell him.. i HATE THAT THEY CARE!!!!!!!!! ugh... i just hurt eveyrone.. i make everyone want to kill themselves.......... FUCK.

ive been handing outt 'my little pony' valentines today.. only 4 gurls, and like 15 or more guys.. the girls are Shawntay, my friend Kenzie, Tabby & Heather. God.. all of them are so FUCKING gorgeous..ugh.. i seriously wish i could be even half as pretty as them.. Shawntay, everything about her is perfect, i wouldnt change a thing. Perfect long hair, flawless skin, perfect body.. McKenzie, she's in love, happy, so beautiful. Tabby, SO gorgeous, i find her easy to talk to and i think we could be pretty good friends. i love her hair.. i want it terribly. and Heather, her makeup, my lord is it always so damn perfect. no flaws to it, always perfect all the damn day long. She may be a bitch sometimes, but she's also hillarious as fuck. i could see me an her being better friends then we are, but not anything long-best friend. but damn.. i wish i were them..

Friday February 15th, 2013:

last night i broke down terribly and cried for hours.. i could stop. my douche fuck parents.. goddamn.. i wish i could just love them and call it good. but my mom comes down and bitches about facebook.. so now i have to delete it.. god. she controls every damn thing of my life.. she doesnt even know what tumblr is or instagram & she fucking wants me to delete them. HELL TO THE FUCK NO! dumbass. i hate her.. she ruins my life..

Tuesday February 19th, 2013:

okay..well this is reallly really stupid.. but on friday, i realized that with my ex boyfriend, he fucked her while we were together & i had sex with him countless times after.. so now i obviously did something wrong. it showed me how worthless i am & how much i seriously fuck people up..it's all my fault. i loved him wrong. i treated him like shit and look where that's gotten me.. im such a pathetic fucking fail of life. i hate myself.. im used and worthless. im the damn slut of the fucking family for fuck's sake!! my oldest brother just got married & the other just got engaged.. ugh..

ive been starving myself latley too.. it's kinda hard because i love eating, but ive been not eating lunch for about a week & i rarley eat at home soo..

[jchb32273]

Fictober 2019 - Day 16

Fanfiction - Dragon Age AO3 Link

Listen. No, Really Listen.

~~~~~

“So, she’s really leavin’, huh?” Bull rumbled. “I’ll miss her. She was always nice to me.”

Alistair was walking around the cultural arts campus with the members of his band. He had told them all of Kylara leaving school, but had not mentioned that his brother was trying to find a way to have her come back. Frankly, he was a little skeptical that it would work and didn’t want to hold out hope. “Yes, Bull. She leaves on Wednesday.”

“Well, I suppose you can say it was good while it lasted,” Anders quipped.

At Alistair’s scowl, Dorian spoke up, “Now, now, Anders. We’re here to help support Alistair. He’s losing someone he cares deeply for. Why I’d be utterly devastated if Bull were to leave the school. I’d shut myself up in my room, draw every curtain closed, and mourn every moment we were apart…”

“Ah, Dorian… thanks, but that’s not really helping,” Alistair muttered.

“Oh. Sorry. Guess I did go a bit too far?” Dorian gave an apologetic smile, then turned to Fenris. “What about you Fenris? Any thoughts about the situation?”

“Mmph, s’pose she was cool enough. I did like that cake she made…”

“See there, Alistair?” Dorian pat him on the back. “We’re here for you…. And I suppose it is true that you can still go and visit her on occasion?”

“Sure, but it’s not that same as having her here.”

Anders rolled his eyes. “Dude, if you’re gonna miss her that much, why don’t you just ask her to bloody marry you already?”

“Because, Anders, she’s already told me she wants to finish school and get a stable career before even considering marriage. For that matter, so do I.”

“You already asked her?” Anders laughed.

“No!” Alistair almost shouted back at him. “We just casually talked about our futures, that’s all.”

“But you’re all set to inherit millions from your dad… not like you need to work.” Fenris shrugged.

“Oh, believe me… Maric won’t hand over one bloody sovereign to me unless I am working somewhere… preferably for him. If I am not working for him – which I really don’t want to – then I need to have something stable career-wise.” Alistair sighed. “Besides, Cailan gets the lion’s share of the inheritance first since he is the ‘legitimate’ son. I’m may be a Theirin, but I am a bastard.”

Fenris lit a cigarette up, took a drag, then mumbled, “Well, that’s gotta suck.”

Alistair then flopped down on a nearby bench. “Look, I thought you all brought me out here to get my mind off my problems… not make me relive them by talking about them.”

“Yes, this is true,” Dorian nodded. “So, where would you like to head next? I hear there are some brilliant sculptures in the art gallery.”

“I wouldn’t mind checking out what the robotics team is putting together for their upcoming competition,” Anders mused.

“I could go for some food,” Bull said with a grin.

“Darling, you always want some food,” Dorian poked at Bull’s stomach. “Good thing you don’t seem to gain weight!”

“With these rock-hard abs? I’d think not!” Bull laughed.

“Well, why don’t we head to the quad, grab a bite, then check out the gallery and the robotics lab?” Dorian suggested diplomatically.

“Sure. Sounds fun,” Alistair replied dryly. He got up from the bench and the group all started walking.

As they headed towards the quad, they passed by the auditorium. The front doors were open and Alistair heard something that made him stop in his tracks.

“What did you stop for, Al?” Fenris asked.

“Do you hear that?” he asked.

Dorian cocked his head. “Sounds like someone playing the cello.”

Anders, Fenris, and Bull all were quiet to listen in.

“Hmm, I guess it’s kind of pretty,” Bull said.

“Not really my kind of music,” Anders muttered.

“Seriously guys. Listen. No, really listen.” Alistair closed his eyes. “It’s beautiful. Passionate.” A smile came to his face. “I wonder who is playing? They are amazing.”

“We could go in and look, you know,” Fenris smirked. “Solve the mystery right here and now.”

“I wouldn’t want to disturb them,” Alistair replied.

“If we’re quiet, we won’t,” Dorian said. “Sounds like they are really into the music anyways.”

“What song is it anyways?” Bull asked with a shrug. “Not that I’d really know. But I admit I’m curious.”

Dorian listened for a moment, then said, “I believe it is Bach. Cello Suite One in G.” He then started walking into the building. “Well? Are you coming in or not?”

“Just make sure we stay quiet,” Alistair whispered as he followed Dorian.

The lights were all off inside as they made their way in, following the music. Once they were in the auditorium proper – where the audience would sit – they all saw a single spotlight on the stage with a single woman playing. Alistair’s eyes widened in shock. “Kylara…” he breathed.

“You didn’t know she could play?” Dorian whispered in Alistair’s ear. Alistair could only shake his head.

He quickly took out his cell and turned on the video recording mode. After a few minutes, Dorian nudged him in the ribs and gestured with his head in a let’s go motion. Alistair stopped the recording and quietly left with his friends.

Back outside, Alistair had to sit back down, still in shock.

Fenris nodded, clearly impressed. “She was actually pretty damn good there. Wonder why she never said anything about it?”

“She must have her reasons, I’m sure,” Dorian softly said. To Alistair, “You really had no idea?”

“I knew she loved classical music, but no, she never said one word to me about being able to actually play… The cello isn’t an easy instrument to learn either.”

“She was playing with no music either,” Dorian commented. “That is also a feat unto itself. To have memorized that entire suite…”

“What did you record her for there, Al?” Bull asked. “To have proof?”

“There is an audition coming up for an arts scholarship. If I can convince her to try for it…”

“You’re thinking that might allow her to return to school?” Dorian finished.

“Maybe. She’ll be up against some other strong candidates from what I hear… but I think she could have a good chance.”

“I’d say a great chance,” Dorian said. “Her playing was very impressive.”

“Are you going to see her again before she leaves?” Fenris asked.

“Yes. Tonight.” He didn’t mention she was staying with him until she actually left.

“Best of luck to you then, Al.” Bull thumped him on his back. “Tell her for me too, that we’d all really love it if she would stay.”

“I will,” Alistair smiled. “Thanks, guys.”

[slutforemunson]

Lotto - Chapter 9 (EXO - Mafia!AU)

A/N: I know that I said that I wouldn't write until the summer vacation but I got bored so... lmao here is a new chapter.

Words: 1841

Masterlist

Previous Chapter - New Chapter 

Your P.O.V.

After days of exercising with Taeyeon and eating yogurt for breakfast, it was time. Tomorrow I will be picked up by a van, just like the other girls. The van will bring us to The Black Pearl. It was almost time to get ready for bed but Miss Ha Jiwon asked me to come to her office. I headed to her office and knocked on the door. 'Come in.' Ji-Won said and I entered. Her office wasn't really that big but it was clean. The only things she had in her office was a desk with some papers and her laptop on top of it, a closet with a few books on the shelves and one painting on the wall. I bowed before she told me to sit down. She began to talk the second I sat down. 'You must be wondering why I asked you to come down here. So let's cut to the chase. Tomorrow, as you already know, will be your first day at The Black Pearl and I'm gonna tell you some things you must know about the place.' I nodded and she continued. 'First of all, The Black Pearl is known for its concept 'Lotto' which will be held two times a week. This means that a few important guys will buy a ticket and they'll get a girl for the night.' she explained. 'So, if I get this right, this is some kind of lottery and we're the price.' I said with disbelief. 'Yes, and next time don't interrupt me unless I allow you to ask questions or there will be consequences.' she said with a harsh tone and then she continued with a bit of a fake smile 'So let's continue. Secondly, they'll sort you into a group. You'll perform with your group on stage to entertain guests. And last but not least, as long as it isn't rape or physical abuse you shall not complain to your buyer.' she said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Fuck this apparently, I'm someones fucking property. I nodded with a straight face although I had a huge urge to roll my eyes. 'They'll pick you up 9 o'clock in the morning so be ready by then. That's all, you can go.' she said and I went back to our room.

'What did she say?' Jennie asked from her bed, already in her pajama's. 'She told me some things I needed to know about The Black Pearl.' They all nodded and waited for me to continue. 'She told me that I had to join a group, do you guys know more about that?' Lisa nodded excitedly. 'This is actually the only thing that I like about my job.' she said. 'Our brothel has three groups. Jennie, Chaeyoung, Jisoo and I are in a group called Blackpink and we perform every Wednesday.' she explained and Taeyeon chimed into our conversation. 'Tiffany, Seohyun, Hyoyeon and I form a group called SNSD. We perform every Thursday.' And lastly, Mina said 'Sana, Momo and I form a group called Twice and we perform every Friday.' I nodded. 'And what kind of things do you perform?' I asked curiously. I mean I can dance since I have experience since I started following lessons since I was 16. 'We mostly perform our own choreography's and sometimes we sing. We're actually working on a choreography on Partition.' Jennie explained. 'Where do you get to practice?' I asked because I can understand that this room is a bit too small because of all the beds. 'Sometimes here but we usually practice in a practice room at The Black Pearl. Kai, Suho, and Sehun have to approve of our dances before we get to perform them.' Momo explained. 'You can come along with us sometimes if you would like that.' Hyoyeon offered kindly. 'I would like that. Do they get to decide in which group I get sorted or do I get to decide?' I asked. Stupid question of course. They'll probably sort me in a group since I'm just a property anyway. 'You'll join a group of your own brothel. They'll decide in what group you fit the most.' Lisa explained. 'You'll have to practice at least two times with each group so they can decide properly.' she continued. 'Okay, I get it.' I nodded with a small smile. 'We should get to bed so we won't be tired tomorrow.' Mina said and headed to her bed. I changed into my pajamas and Seohyun turned off the lights. 'Good night.'

- The Next Morning -

Taeyeon woke me up early in the morning so we could take a run before work. A nauseous feeling started to form in my stomach. I still can't believe how my life changed so much overnight, just because I witnessed something which wasn't something for my eyes to see. I was aware that the gangs were taking over but I never thought that I would be a part of it. I wonder if my friends are looking for me? If they care... My phone was taken from me when I was kidnapped. So I can't be reached. Taeyeon snapped her fingers in front of my face, which pulled me out of my train of thoughts. 'Oh sorry, did you say something?' I asked a bit embarrassed since I ignored her. 'I asked if you were ready to go.' she said giggling at my embarrassment. 'We'll eat when we're back otherwise we won't make it on time.' she said while tying her shoes. We took a run around the park nearby. It was so quiet and calm that it gave me the time to sort out my thoughts.

When we returned everyone was either eating their breakfast or cleaning their bowl. 'I made two bowls of yogurt for you. I figured you two hadn't had breakfast yet.' Tiffany said and gestured to two bowls on the counter. 'Thanks Tif.' Taeyeon said and grabbed one bowl from the counter. After we ate, we got ready for work. 'You can lend a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt from me since we haven't had the yet to shop for you.' she said and handed me some clothes. 'Thank you.' I smiled and got ready. When I was done, I had a bit of time left until we had to go. I laid down on my bed. I noticed that the mattress sank down at the foot end. I looked up and saw that it was Sana. 'I understand that you're nervous. So was I on my first day, but you should know that we girls are always there for each other.' she said with a reassuring smile. 'Thanks, Sana. I appreciate it.' I said. The door opened, and Ji-Won said that the van had arrived. We all exited the room and went outside. Kai was leaning against the van, while he was chatting with Ji-Won. Obviously flirting with her. I'm starting to think that that's a natural habit of him. He broke eye contact with her to smirk at me. He must've heard something about the thing what happened between Jungkook and Chanyeol. I looked away from him and followed the rest into the van.

It surprised me how many people could fit in the van. We still sat very close to each other though. What is personal space anyway? Sehun sat in the passenger seat and made eye contact with me through his sun visor. Why is everyone so interested in me? I'm nobody... I'm just the new girl at the brothel. We arrived and one by one we got out of the van. We entered the club through the backdoor. 'We're going to practice our dance. You can come along if you want.' Jisoo offered. I nodded and followed her. Kai and Sehun were already inside the practice room when we came in. They eyed me up and down. I felt naked and wanted to cover myself up even though I was fully dressed. 'Can Y/N practice with us?' Lisa asked them. 'Of course. I want to see how she can move her body.' Kai said smirking and Sehun nodded chuckling. 'Have you some experience with dancing?' Lisa asked me. 'Yeah, a couple years of experience.' I answered proudly. I want to show these bastards that I can indeed move my body. 'Just observe us first and then try to dance along.' Lisa explained smiling. Rosé started the music and their bodies moved to the music. The choreography didn't seem too hard so I'll be able to pick it up quickly. After a few minutes, they finished the choreography and Kai and Sehun whistled playfully. Jennie rolled her eyes while smiling. 'So you think you could learn that in a short time?' Rosé asked. 'I can try.' We went through the dance until I managed to do it. The music poured out of the boxes again and started to dance.

A lot of time passed until it was time for a break. 'You'll take a small break to gain some energy by eating.' Sehun said. So they treat us like human beings after all. We were all allowed one slice of bread with a slice of low-fat cheese. After the break, Hyoyeon approached me. 'Kai and Sehun would like you to practice with us.' she said. 'Just let me tell the others.' I said and went to Lisa. 'Hey, Hyoyeon just asked me to practice with them.' I said. 'Okay, that's alright. I'll see you when it's time to get ready for Lotto.' she said and went back to their practice room. I almost had forgotten about Lotto. I felt my chest tighten. Seohyun approached me and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. 'Hey, you okay, you seem a bit out of it.' she stated a bit concerned. 'I'm just nervous, that's all.' she nodded understanding. 'I get that. It's normal to be nervous for your first night.' she smiled sadly at me. 'Follow me, we're starting our practice any minute now.' she said and I followed her. Kai and Sehun were talking to each other until we entered the room. Just like with Blackpink I observed their dance first and then practiced with them. This was a more girly choreography while the choreography of Blackpink was more seductive. I practiced with SNSD until it was time to get ready. I headed with SNSD to the dressing room which was filled with lots of outfits. From lingerie to skimpy dresses and skirts. A woman entered the room and we all turned our attention to her. We bowed to greet her. 'Good evening ladies. I'm here to tell you who will participate in Lotto tonight.' she began. I looked around and noticed some other girls. 'Tonight, Jennie, Momo, Tiffany, Sana, Minzy and Y/N will participate to Lotto.

Previous Chapter - New Chapter

[wanderers-minuet]

I haven’t been active on here in a while but i still browse, and i saw this, and it really hit home. it’s entirely accurate, and exactly how I’m feeling right now.

Rest under read more, tw: animal/pet death, grief.

I just went through a major loss - I had to put down my dog Bandit of 16 years, my best friend, yesterday on Tuesday Nov. 12th. He’s been part of my life for literally half of it. (I turned 32 oct 26th.) I got sent home twice from work the last few days because I couldn’t keep my cool, and was crying and generally being a hot mess. Monday I was sent home after 20 minutes, and spent the next 6 hours or so at the vet with my family and Bandit crying and basically losing my mind, gave myself a headache and nearly threw up. We decided at the end to bring him home for the night so my sister and her boyfriend could cuddle him all night. I was off the next day, thank god, but I couldn’t stand to spend the day watching him be miserable and suffering like I had for nearly 6 hours the night before, so i spent most of the day trying to distract myself in my apartment with laundry and games or just busywork, and a few bouts of crying, with only a few hours of sleep during the night. So I went over in the evening to get a little time with him at the house before we brought him to the vet around 7:30pm. We spent some more time with him in a special Comfort Room, and I kept my cool for the most part, just the quiet sobbing kinda thing, for a few hours until we pressed the button for the doctor to come in. Me and my sister held him between us, face to face, in our laps, while the doctor did their thing, and I went absolutely batshit insane crying. We didn’t get home until around 11pm, and we buried him in our backyard. At this point I’ve pretty much been crying for 48 hours. I’m very not okay. I didnt get back to my apartment until around 12:30, my boyfriend helped me wash my back and hair in the bath (I was craving the human contact and being cared for), and I didn’t get to bed until close to 2am. I tried to go into work today at 11am (wednesday) and I lasted about 10 minutes before I started crying (one of my coworkers asked why I was crying when I was sort of sniffling at my register - i was really trying to keep my shit together, i really was, but the question and my subsequent answering of it just broke the dam and I lost it, and was sent home) so that didn’t go well. I spent the day at home thinking about Bandit, playing games to give my brain a break, crying a lot, took a nap cuddling one of his favorite toys and his collar that i took home with me.

I saw this and I thought: the ball in my box is bursting the box at the seams right now, there is no release of the button unless I forcibly distract my thoughts (games are easy, as is sleeping with the aid of benedryl and NyQuil.). Working is not as engaging as I would like/need, which is why i had problems working the day before and after, bc my mind could easily wander.

I’m really hoping my ball is smaller tomorrow, because I can’t afford to keep missing work, and keep putting them at a disadvantage bc i’m not there. I need to get my shit together and move on, like my mom says (even though I don’t really agree, I think I should be able to take more time for myself to work through my grief but such is the way of life, I guess. Especially for “just a pet” as a lot of people like to thing of it. Fortunately my workplace is really understanding though so there’s that I guess)

anyway i don’t know where im going with this I guess I needed to write this out? Thanks for reading if you got this far.

i should go to bed now because I work at noon and I really dont want to be sleep deprived again on top of grieving.

I love you Bandit. I miss you a whole lot and I feel like I’m dying and there’s a giant hole in my chest, and I keep thinking you’re gonna just pop up and be there when I visit the house, that this isn’t real.... but I know you’re in a better place, and making lots of friends in doggy heaven - i’m sure Bentley was there to greet you, and you’re teaching all your new friends all the tricks I taught you! Such a smart boy! The best boy, my handsome little man! My little buddy.

You be good. I love you forever.

(gonna go cry myself to sleep now.)

This is the most accurate description I’ve ever found, thought it was worth spreading ❀

[quicksilversquared]

How to Fake a Marriage Ch. 16

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(AO3) (FF.net)

It didn't take long for Adrien to absolutely hate his schedule for the second semester. He had a ridiculously heavy load on Tuesdays and Thursdays, only a couple things on Mondays and Fridays, and absolutely nothing on Wednesdays. It hadn't sounded bad when he initially got the schedule, had been slightly annoying at the start of the semester, and now?

Now he was very tired of being alternately overwhelmed and having nothing to do.

"Just before the bell, just like usual," Paul commented as Adrien dashed into his Quantum Physics lecture classroom ten seconds before three o'clock. "Jeez, Agreste, did you run here from your lab?"

"Yeah, I did," Adrien admitted, settling into his seat and immediately diving into his bag to dig out his notebook. "It ran over just a bit. I had to leave my lab partner to clean up the last few things, since he doesn't have class for another hour and I had to leave."

Paul just shook his head in disbelief. Somehow he had been luckier than Adrien with getting his schedule, and his labs were more spread out through the week.

"It makes me miss Wednesdays," Adrien grumbled as the professor came in and started setting up. "Yesterday I had nowhere that I had to be and I didn't have to run around campus like a chicken with its head cut off."

"I thought you hated not having anything to do."

"I do," Adrien admitted, flipping through his notebook to find where he had left off. "I got bored of studying and surfing the internet by noon, so I went over to have lunch with Marinette before she had to go back to work. And then I went home and studied some more and was sick of being alone by three. But it's better than having to rush around campus because I have back-to-back classes all day."

"And you really do need a break after labs," Paul agreed. "I hear that they tend to run over more and more once you hit the higher levels. That's what an upperclassman told me, at least. Not every lab, but often enough."

"That's not gonna be fun," Adrien sighed. He'd have to take it into account when making his schedule, and that would force him to have weird breaks during his day. "At least those labs should be more interesting, though. As long as I actually have a break after them and I don't have to worry about getting to my next class, I don't think I'd actually mind that much."

Before Paul could respond, the professor called the class to order. Adrien sat up and forced himself to focus. He couldn't let his studies suffer just because he had been in class all day and had another class yet after this lecture ended. His father would just blame it on his traveling instead of on his class schedule.

Despite himself, Adrien couldn't keep his mind from wandering just a bit as the professor did a quick review of what they had covered in the previous class two days prior. It had been difficult getting out of bed that morning, partly because he had been dreading his class schedule that day, partly because he had been out a little later than he had intended with Ladybug, and partly because Marinette had been sleeping over because her neighbor had been loud again and the bed was lovely and warm and he didn't want to leave her.

He had been really lucky that Marinette hadn't come over until after he got back from being Chat Noir. If she had come over while he was still out or, worse yet, had been in his living room when he detransformed, then he would have been in trouble. He hadn't really thought it through before giving Marinette an extra key to his apartment, but he hadn't run into any problems yet and it was easier for Marinette to let herself in than for her to have to knock, especially when her neighbor started up the music pretty late and Adrien was already asleep.

They had also been lucky that the tabloids had, for the most part, lost interest in him and Marinette. He had only had to do one interview since the semester started (well, an "interview". A reporter had cornered him at the bus station and had annoyed him into answering a few questions before the bus came by and saved him), and he sincerely hoped that it would be the last. Once again he had been forced to confirm that no, he and Marinette weren't dating, because apparently having been told that a good five times previously wasn't enough.

And that was all that they were going to get from him. There was no way that Adrien was going to tell them (or anyone else) that while he and Marinette weren't dating now, it wasn't exactly impossible to think that they might in the future. The realization had snuck up on him over time, but Adrien had found just recently that he couldn't exactly deny it anymore.

He had always thought that Marinette was amazing. She was headstrong and opinionated, but that didn't keep her from being kind and willing to help others. Her talent for design was absolutely undeniable, but she wasn't at all conceited about it and she shared that talent with others through gifts designed specifically for the recipient. Adrien thought that she was just an amazing person overall, and it didn't hurt that she was absolutely adorable besides.

Now that he was thinking about it, he probably should have guessed that he felt more than just friendship towards her after spending most of Fashion Week delighting over her reactions to things going down the runway.

It probably also didn't hurt that Marinette strongly reminded Adrien of Ladybug. Both women had very similar personalities, enough that it was fairly obvious that Adrien had a type. Still, he wasn't going to act on his newfound crush for several reasons.

One, he was still very in love with his superhero partner, and it wouldn't be fair to Marinette if he got into a relationship with her while still having feelings for Ladybug, especially when he still saw (and flirted with) Ladybug at least once a week.

Two, he didn't actually know if Marinette was interested in him. After all, he hadn't exactly seen any larges changes in her behavior towards him since the school year had started and he was fairly positive that she hadn't been interested in him like that then. He didn't want to make things awkward by asking her out and then being turned down.

And three... well, his father hadn't exactly lifted the ban on Adrien dating. And Adrien was planning on complying, at least for now.

A sharp elbow to the side pulled Adrien out of his thoughts and he glanced to the side to see Paul gesturing to the front. The professor had moved on from the review to new material, which meant that Adrien should be paying attention.

He sighed, picking up his pencil and starting to take notes. He could figure it all out later, he supposed. After all, he had to focus on getting through the day in one piece first.

  February turned into March, bringing with it weather that was occasionally actually decent enough for Adrien and Marinette to want to be outside for more than a minute at a time. Naturally, both suddenly developed a tendency to "go to bed early" on nice days, and soon Ladybug and Chat Noir would be out enjoying the cool evenings.

"Are you enjoying your time in London?" Chat Noir asked as they jumped over rooftops. "I know I am, even though we can't go out during the day."

"It's been fun," Ladybug said. She paused on a particularly tall rooftop to survey the city, letting the breeze tease her hair. She was wearing it mostly down today, with a bit pinned back out of her face. It looked quite a bit like the hairstyle that Marinette had been wearing earlier, and Chat Noir had to wonder if that particular hairstyle was in trend at the moment. He didn't know; after all, he didn't exactly pay attention to trends in women's hairstyles normally. He'd have to try to remember to ask Marinette about it sometime.

"It's amazing that we haven't been noticed yet."

Ladybug nodded. "Yeah! I mean, I know we've been careful, but even so, you would think that someone would just happen to glance up at the right time and see us jumping over the street. It's possible that people have glanced us and just not believed their eyes, I suppose, but it's not like we're hanging out in different areas each time we go out. If someone saw us more than once, then they might figure out that they weren't just seeing things."

"So... do you think we should be trying to go to different parts of the city, then?" Chat Noir asked. He really didn't want to, mostly because he knew these rooftops now, and if it started raining or sleeting (as it was prone to do at this time of the year), then it would be that much farther to get back to his apartment, and Plagg would be that much more likely to catch a cold. "Or, since no one's spotted us yet, are we still fine?"

Ladybug bit her lip, puzzling over that. "I...don't know. I mean, maybe we could try to shake up what direction we go in, but I don't know that it would make too much sense to go too far. I think for now, we should just stay as-is."

"Purr-fect." Chat Noir grinned at the exasperated look Ladybug gave him for the pun. "What? I happen to like this neighborhood quite a bit."

"If you say so." Ladybug suddenly looked a bit reserved, like he had maybe said something that he shouldn't have. She looked like that sometimes when he mentioned something that might reveal his secret identity, but he hadn't, had he? Unless she somehow thought that his comment about liking the neighborhood meant that he himself lived there and therefore it was too much information, but that was ridiculous.

After all, loads of people lived in the neighborhood that they roamed through the most. There were more than a few apartment buildings and townhouses nearby. Besides, he was fairly positive that he had once made some comment when they were in Paris about his family's house not being far away. Surely his comment now was far less revealing than that.

He decided not to worry about it too much. Maybe Ladybug was reacting to something else entirely. Maybe she lived in the neighborhood too, and she was just a little jumpy because of that.

That made a lot more sense.

"I can't believe how fast the year is going by," Ladybug said, breaking the silence as they started to move again. "Soon it's going to be properly warm again, and the days will be super-long..."

"Oh, that's gonna make things hard," Chat Noir realized with a bit of a jolt. "We'll have to go out really late if we want to stay hidden." That wouldn't be fun. He had been applying to jobs in London for the summer, and if he stayed up late to hang out with Ladybug and still had to get up early then he'd be tired for work. And, unlike in the classroom, his supervisors would probably notice.

Of course, depending on when Ladybug headed back to Paris, maybe it wouldn't be a problem. If she went back early, then there would be no real reason for him to go out as Chat Noir, because all he would be doing would be running around. He wasn't going to lie to himself and try to claim that meeting up with Ladybug was the real reason why he went out so often. Once she went back to Paris, he would probably only go out on occasion to stretch his legs and get some fresh air.

Or maybe he would go a little stir-crazy without Marinette across the hall to hang out with and he would go out every night just to enjoy the sounds of the city. It could go either way, really.

Maybe he would find himself trotting back to Paris over the weekend more often next year, simply because he wouldn't have either Marinette or Ladybug nearby and the homesickness would get to him. Part of him thought that it wouldn't be terrible, but the other part knew that it would be exhausting to always be traveling back and forth.

Besides, then he would never get out of doing any photoshoots.

"Being out too late would probably be a bad idea," Ladybug pointed out, pulling Adrien out of his thoughts. "I have a lot of stuff that I'll have to be getting done, and I'm never on top of my game when I've been up all night."

"It makes getting up in the morning impossibly more difficult," Chat Noir agreed. He glanced up to where the moon was occasionally visible, peeking out from behind the clouds. It had gotten pretty high in the sky while they were out running around, which meant that it was probably pretty late and he was going to regret this in the morning. Almost as though she was reading his mind, Ladybug sighed and slowed down before turning around.

"It's getting late. Let's head back, kitten."

Chat Noir pouted at her, and Ladybug only laughed. Reaching out, she scratched under his chin lightly until he purred. "C'mon, we've been out for ages. It's late, and I swear I'm only upright because of the suit. I'm gonna be half-asleep by the time I'm getting ready for bed."

It didn't take long for them to get back to where they had run into each other at the start of their "patrol". His apartment building was only a block over, so Chat Noir dawdled a bit on the rooftop so Ladybug wouldn't accidentally see him landing on his balcony and heading inside. Only once she was out of sight did he pole quickly over to the building and drop down onto his balcony.

And then he heard the music.

"It's not even the weekend yet," Chat Noir grumbled, stepping inside. The music wasn't particularly loud in his apartment, but he could still hear it faintly floating under his door. "That's not coo- oh, shoot!"

Music going late meant Marinette coming over once it was her bedtime. It was just after one in the morning, according to the clock in the kitchen- wow, he and Ladybug had sure been out for a while- which meant that Marinette had probably already come over ages ago and found him not in the apartment. This was bad, this was very bad, this was very, very bad- what if she had heard him come in and found Chat Noir instead?

Diving into the kitchen, Chat Noir detransformed, flinging open the fridge to provide a little more shelter and to try to disguise the light from his detransformation. Plagg took the open fridge door as an invitation to dive right in and help himself, but Adrien ignored him, standing very, very still as he listened for any sign of Marinette.

There was the sound of a key in the door. Adrien froze, grabbed a half-filled glass of water off of the counter so it would look like he had just come to the kitchen for a drink, and closed the fridge before popping innocently into the living room, ignoring Plagg's disgruntled "Hey!" from inside the fridge.

Marinette blinked at Adrien curiously as she stepped inside and re-locked the door. "Adrien? I didn't expect to find you awake!" She paused, getting a better look at him. "...are you really still dressed?"

...shoot. He was, in fact, still wearing his jeans. He really should have changed into his night clothes before transforming and going out.

"Did you fall asleep doing homework again?" Marinette asked, sounding a little exasperated. "Adrien."

"No, I was just reading and fell asleep before I could finish getting ready," Adrien claimed, pretending to take a sip of his water. "And then I woke up and needed something to drink. What about you? I would have thought you would have come over earlier."

"Fell asleep early on my couch," Marinette said after a pause. "So I slept through the start of the music, and only just woke up. So. Yeah. And now I'm here."

"And now you're here," Adrien agreed, still a little jumpy after nearly being found out. "Ah, so I still have to wash up and all, but you go ahead to bed. I'll be there soon enough."

Marinette nodded through a yawn, running a hand through her hair. "Okay. Good night, Adrien."

"'Night, Mari."

As Marinette headed down the hall, Adrien slumped a little against the wall, letting out a sigh of relief and silently thanking Ladybug for deciding to turn around when she did. If he had gotten back any later than he had, he would have really been in trouble. He couldn't think of any plausible excuse that would explain away why he was out of his apartment after one in the morning. Marinette knew him too well for any of his normal half-baked excuses to work properly, even when she was tired beyond belief.

"Hey! Lemme out!"

...and at least Marinette was now in the bedroom and he didn't have to explain why his fridge was yelling. That would have been really hard to explain.

  The rest of the first half of the semester positively flew by, even with Adrien's less-than-ideal schedule. Rosalie Fashions went through another Fashion Week, this time with all models present and intact. The man that Adrien had replaced for the fall Fashion Week was as good as new, and Adrien was pleased to hear that he had recovered quickly from the car accident and hadn't been too badly impacted. A bit after that was midterms, and then after that Adrien had the chance to breathe a little as he got another week off for spring break and the Easter holiday. This semester seemed to be harder than the last, partially due to the classes themselves and partly because of his crummy schedule alternating between making him scramble across campus and boring him to death, so the break was welcome.

But short. Way too short, and it went by way too fast.

Adrien had more time at home than Marinette, who had to use another couple of her hoarded vacation days to extend her stay long enough to see her parents properly. Adrien himself had to suffer through another round of photoshoots while he was at home, this time for late spring and early summer looks, before he could go out and visit his friends- and by that, he mostly meant Nino, since Alya had just gotten a potential lead about an old Miraculous holder and she could only tear herself away from the computer for a short while to say hi to Adrien before diving back in.

It was amusing, but also slightly concerning. Adrien decided that Marinette's concerns about Alya potentially neglecting her actual work to keep researching her own project when she found a promising lead were probably well-founded and likely at least a little accurate.

"I'd say that we would visit you guys in London again soon, but I don't know if I could drag Alya away from her work for long enough," Nino had told Adrien, sounding a little exasperated. "It takes almost everything I have to even get her to set things aside long enough for a date night, let alone any longer trips."

"But she is still getting her work for the newspaper done, right?" Adrien wanted to know. Nino had just made a face.

"At the moment, yeah. She lets things slip when she gets like this, though."

Adrien could only sigh and hope that Alya would take a few steps back and realize before it was too late that the Ladybug research stuff could wait, but her actual job really couldn't. He was sure that one reprimand from her boss would set her straight in a hurry and she would do everything she could to get back in the newspaper's good graces, but it still wouldn't look good to have that on her record.

After the too-short break, Adrien and Marinette were back in London. Alya had sworn up and down that she and Nino would come visit again later in the semester, but neither Adrien nor Marinette had particularly believed her. After all, whenever she wasn't eyeball-deep in Miraculous research, she was scrambling to catch up with the things she had neglected at her job during her research spree. They would have to content themselves with video calls for the time being.

Besides, it wasn't as though Adrien and Marinette really had the time to spare to host their friends again. Now that the second half of the semester had started, Adrien found that he had several more projects that needed to be worked on on top of his normal homework. Marinette had shown Madam Rosalie the results of hours upon hours working on potential fabric patterns and now she was working with an experienced fabrics designer on the staff to make her designs reality. It involved a lot of printing out short sample pieces and going over what proportions worked and what ones didn't and then editing and reprinting, over and over and over to get a pattern that would read well. On top of that, it was Marinette's turn to get a bit more experience working with models and photographers on photoshoots, so she was rushing from one to the other to try to get everything done. It resulted in more than a few long days and working on weekends to get everything done.

They were both badly in need of a break. So when Adrien heard about a local festival in mid-April in a town a ways to their north from a classmate of his who was from that area, both of them were eager to check it out. It would be an overnight trip, both because it was a ways away and because they wanted plenty of time to explore the festival, because the classmate had made it sound like it was a pretty big deal.

They had assumed that a pretty big deal for a town that size just meant that locally, it was a big event. Like, everyone in town would go, and maybe people who had families there would go back, and maybe a couple people from neighboring towns would show up as well. That assumption was apparently wrong.

"Nearly all of the hotels in the area are booked, and absolutely all the nice ones are completely full," Adrien reported as he clicked on yet another link. "But those would be out of our preferred price range anyway. And then there's a room with two single beds in it in a midrange hotel, but it's a smoking room."

"Nope," Marinette said immediately from where she was putting dishes away in the kitchen. She had been unfortunate enough to once not check on the smoking designation of the room, and she hadn't been able to sleep at all because of the stench. She was not doing that again.

"Then the only non-smoking rooms left only have one bed each," Adrien reported. "And there's only- oh. There's only one room left. That's it."

There was a pause.

"Well, it's not like we've never shared a bed before," Marinette offered. Since her neighbor hadn't yet kicked the habit of playing music late into the night several days a week (at least they had been largely confining it to Fridays and weekends after too many noise complaints), Marinette had found herself slipping over to Adrien's apartment to share his bed. He had never minded, even though the bed was perhaps a little small for both of them to really spread out, and Marinette herself definitely didn't object. "As long as the tabloids don't follow us there and then find out that our room is a single bed. And I don't think they will. I haven't seen anything printed about us for months." The reporters had been bad right after the runway and then spiked again after Christmas (apparently since they had been spotted hanging out in Paris, which was honestly ridiculous) and then again at Valentine's Day, but after several further rounds of interviews (generally at Mr. Agreste or Nathalie's request) where Adrien had to reiterate that no, he and Marinette's relationship status had not changed and they were not dating, they seemed to get bored.

It was really about time, in Marinette's opinion. She didn't understand what their appeal even was. Sure, Adrien was a model. Sure, maybe he was somewhat well known in the fashion world for his work as a model. But that was it- he was well known in the fashion world. Normal people out in the street probably wouldn't recognize him, if it weren't for the tabloids' seemingly constant coverage. She didn't particularly approve of their hounding of actors and other actually famous people either, but she could understand where people's curiosity about them came from, at least. With models, they were supposed to be pretty much vehicles for showing off clothes. Sure, they were gorgeous (her eyes slid over to Adrien; even in a simple t-shirt and jeans combination, he looked amazing), but there were plenty of gorgeous people who didn't go into modeling.

The sound of a few more clicks came from the other room, and then Adrien spoke up again. "So just share the room and the bed?"

"If you're comfortable with that, yeah." Marinette paused in the middle of putting things away. Was that an uncomfortable edge to his voice that she was hearing? She had thought that Adrien would be fine with it, since they had shared a bed so many times. Maybe somehow sharing a bedroom and not having the rest of the living space made it different somehow, but she couldn't understand how. They would have a bathroom that they could change clothes in, and-

"Yeah, I'm fine with it. I just wanted to confirm before booking it." Adrien's voice cut off Marinette's sudden internal panic-induced monologue and she let out a relieved breath. She had been worried that she had somehow crossed some invisible line in their friendship for a moment there. How, she wasn't sure, considering the number of sleepovers they had had thanks to the blaring music from her neighbor, but she supposed that there might be some difference if someone else- in this case, the receptionist- knew that they were sharing both room and bed. "Booked."

"Great. I'll get the train tickets after I finish this." Marinette paused for a moment as she tried to remember where Adrien normally kept his ladles. A second later, it hit her and she turned around to toss the utensil into the right drawer. "You said you can be ready to go by midday Friday?"

"Yeah, my one o'clock class is cancelled."

With the last of the dishes put away, Marinette drifted out of the kitchen to join Adrien at the table. "Did your professor say why?"

"A conference of some sort that he has to go to, I think." Adrien shrugged and made a face. "I can't remember the details, but he did give us extra homework to make up for it."

Marinette could only giggle. "Aw, that's too generous of him. He shouldn't have."

"Yeah, he shouldn't have all right. One of the problems is a real beast and I have no idea how to solve it. I'll have to see if some of the others in the class want to get together mid-week and work on it together." Adrien didn't look terribly pleased. The majority of the study groups that he had gone to hadn't been terribly productive, largely because of how easily some of the others got pulled off task. "That's why I like the class discussion groups better. The professor does a great job of keeping all of the groups on-task so we actually get stuff done."

Thankfully for Adrien's sanity, the classmates he found for a study group actually were pretty focused. They all came to the mid-week session with as much of the homework done as possible, and then they worked together through the sections of the problems that they had had trouble with. He left the study group satisfied, with his completed homework sheet tucked away carefully in a folder in his backpack.

"I only have a little bit of homework left that I want to finish over the weekend," Adrien told Marinette that Friday as they boarded the train. "Hopefully I can get it done on the train. Neither are things that are due right away on Monday, but I like starting the week without the little stuff still hanging over my head."

"Well, we do have a few hours of travel before we get there," Marinette pointed out as they settled into their seats. "Hopefully we won't have any loud kids or anything in our carriage. Did you bring anything for any of your projects?"

"Just a book to read," Adrien said. "I didn't want to over pack. I brought post-its and that highlighter tape stuff so I can mark up anything I think is important for later. I was gonna bring a couple papers to read, but I'm pretty sure that I won't even get through half of the book during the trip."

As the train started up and sped out of London ten minutes later, Adrien was already neck-deep in homework problems and Marinette was paging through a book, iPod earbud wedged in one ear. They had gotten largely lucky with their train carriage- the only members of the under-twelve crowd in the carriage was two babies that were currently fast asleep- but they had spotted a large family getting onto the train in the next section up just prior to departure. From the slightly exasperated expressions on the faces of the other passengers that they could see through the carriage windows, it looked like the family wasn't being particularly quiet.

Several hours (and several relatively short crying baby episodes) later, Adrien and Marinette hopped off the train and headed down the street to the hotel Adrien had found. The town was bustling with activity, and banners and posters alike hung from windows, advertising the local holiday.

"Well, at least there's so many people here that we shouldn't stand out," Adrien commented as they dodged around the family that they had spotted on the train earlier. The youngest kid was already hanging off of his mother's arm, begging for pastries from a stall set up on the street nearby. "And there should be plenty to do."

"You mean plenty to eat," Marinette corrected with a laugh, glancing around the crowded street. "That pastry stall smells pretty good, and believe me, it takes a lot for me to notice things like that."

Adrien grinned and made a sharp turn to detour over to the stall, tugging Marinette's arm so she followed him. "That, I can believe. I remember when we went to fairs and whatnot when we were in lycée and you almost never bought pastries from the food stalls while the rest of us were already digging out our wallets with the first whiff."

Thankfully the line at the pastry stall wasn't long, and soon Adrien and Marinette were continuing their journey down the road with a pain au chocolate each. It took all of the self-control Adrien had to not just scarf the whole thing down, but then again he had had the same problem with nearly every other pain au chocolate he had ever encountered. Marinette was only halfway done while he was licking the last traces of pastry and butter off of his fingers.

"We're going back to that stall again," Adrien announced as he finally got the last traces of his pastry off of his fingers. "I know the pastries from that shop near us are pretty good, but I always feel guilty about going there more than once a week."

Marinette laughed. "And somehow going back to that stall will be different?"

"It's a holiday, Marinette! All rules about feeling guilty are off the table when it's a holiday, don't you know?"

Marinette only groaned.

There wasn't much of a line when they arrived at the somewhat run-down hotel. Adrien and Marinette waited for a small family in front of them to check in with the bored-looking receptionist, and then it was their turn. If someone was going to make a big deal about them sharing a room, it was going to be now.

"Name?"

"Adrien Agreste," Adrien said, sounding a bit nervous. Now that they were here, he was thinking that they probably should have made the reservations under Marinette's name instead, since his was much more recognizable than hers was. "One room, queen bed."

"Uh-huh." The receptionist didn't even blink as she brought up the reservation. In fact, she looked impossibly more bored as she glanced up at them. "Card?"

Adrien handed over his card. A minute later, he and Marinette were setting their bags down on the bed in their room. After another moment, they both burst out laughing.

"We were all worried for nothing," Marinette chortled. "She didn't even care! We could have had the Queen along and she probably wouldn't have even had a change in expression."

Well, I have heard that customer service sucks the soul out of people," Adrien offered, flopping back into a chair. He was still grinning. "I've never actually seen it in person, though."

They fell silent for a moment and then Adrien spoke up again. "So, what should we do first? I don't suppose we can go back to that pastry stall, can we?"

  Their overnight bed-sharing trip went so well that Adrien and Marinette decided that, should they take any more overnight trips like that (and Adrien hoped that they would), they were more than willing to share in the future as well.

"It is a pretty easy way to save money," Marinette commented as they sorted through the bills from their last trip. "One room with one bed is almost always the cheapest option, and I think it worked really well."

"And it's nice and warm if the room is cold," Adrien added a bit dreamily, remembering how lovely it had been to slip in between the sheets and find them already warm because Marinette had been there already for a few minutes. He hadn't even minded that she took up more than what was strictly her fair share of the bed (how she did that when she was so small was beyond Adrien), because now that they had been sharing a bed a couple nights a week they didn't really worry as much about keeping space between themselves as they slept. If Marinette rolled over to take up two-thirds of the bed, Adrien would just curl up next to her instead of clinging to the edge of the bed to make sure she still had her space.

Adrien certainly didn't mind the proximity, and neither did Marinette. She occasional grumbled if he jostled her too much when she was about to fall asleep (or was already sleeping), but she never minded him occasionally falling asleep practically on top of her.

Of course, if she complained, she might be a bit hypocritical. Marinette sometimes moved around a lot in her sleep and ended up half-draped over Adrien. She had apologized the first few times it happened, but Adrien had hastened to assure her that really, he didn't mind it at all.

(Plagg teased Adrien about it mercilessly whenever Marinette wasn't in the apartment, insisting that Adrien was far more clingy with his "wife" than any of his past kittens had been with their mates. Adrien had finally decided to ignore him, but that approach just led to Plagg cackling about it even more in an attempt to get a rise out of him.)

Marinette's snort snapped Adrien back to the present, and he grinned a bit sheepishly at her amused look. Her cheeks were just as red as his felt, and Adrien had to wonder why. After all, he had been the one to wax poetic about sharing a bed with his friend, not the other way around...

It hit him like a slap to the face, and Adrien had to shake his head at his own momentary oversight. Of course Marinette was embarrassed by his comment about how much he enjoyed sharing a bed with her. It wasn't exactly something that most strictly platonic friends did, after all.

"I kind of want to go back to that town again next year for the festival," Marinette spoke up, breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence. "It was fun, and that food was great."

"I really liked the dances," Adrien agreed, and then he did a double-take, hope starting to rise in his chest. "Wait, next year? Won't that be a bit too far to travel if you're back in Paris? Or...?"

Marinette's cheeks turned slightly pink at his expression. "I've been considering asking Madam Rosalie if I could stay another year. It's not unheard of," she added when Adrien looked like he was going to ask about that. "One of the head designers I work with a lot was an intern for three years before getting offered a proper job. And I do enjoy getting to work there, it's a lot of fun, and I'm learning a lot, and, uh. Yeah. I've made friends there, and it looks better to have been working somewhere for more than just a year."

"Right, of course," Adrien said, trying not to smile. It certainly sounded from Marinette's sudden nervousness that she maybe wasn't entirely telling the truth, which in turn suggested that maybe him being in London had been part of the reason behind her considering an extension. Either way, he was all for it. After all, Adrien enjoyed Marinette's company very much. She was one of his best friends, after all.

Now if only whatever had brought Ladybug to London would get extended as well...

[dailyaudiobible]

05/24/2018 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 2:12-3:39, John 13:1-30, Psalms 119:1-16, Proverbs 15:29-30

Today is May 24th. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it is, as always, a pleasure and an honor to be here with you today. I'm excited that we can take the next step forward as we continue this adventure that we’re on through the Bible this year. We have fully gotten ourselves into the book of second Samuel and we’re continuing with the story of David's life and we see his humble posture and we see how that has turned the hearts of the people toward him. And today, David will become king of all Israel. Second Samuel chapter 4, 5, and 6. And we’re reading from the New Living Translation this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in in the book of John we are obviously moving toward the passion story. And as I've mentioned, this is the final time we’ll be coming this way this year. So, it's important that we drink deeply and embrace the story of our salvation. Jesus is at his Last Supper having this meal and He tells His friends, the time is so short. And it would've been just hours. Jesus was enjoying the final hours of His earthly freedom and He was spending some of that time with his closest friends. And it’s here that we get a direct commandment from Jesus. And we have to ask ourselves if we’re obeying this commandment. Jesus said, I'm giving you a new commandment. I am only going to be here so short of a time. So, I'm giving you a new commandment, love each other, just as I have loved you, right? Just like I've loved you, you should love each other. Your love will prove to the world that you are my disciples. So, think about it for a second. How does Jesus love us? And when you think of the love of Christ for you, what does that represent in your life? What does that mean to you? Because whatever that means to you, that is how you are to love. And that is how the world will know that you belong to Jesus. So, if we want to really embrace this story, knowing that we won't come through this story again in the Bible this year, then we have to consider deeply this commandment and whether or not we are adhering to it. Are we known by our love for Jesus? And is that love known and expressed through our love for one another? That’s something we should think about today but it's not just something we should give some passing the thought to and then forgetting about. It’s something we should be thinking about every day/ It’s something that we should generally be thinking about all the time. Am I revealing Christ in this situation? Am I showing the love of God in this situation? Am I allowing the life of Christ within me to spill out of me into the world in this situation? If we’re not then we need to consider what this commandment, this new commandment to love one another really means to us because this is one of the last things that Jesus had to say to his friends, before he entered into the time of suffering that would lead to his death whereby making all of everything that Jesus had done on this earth possible for us to do, which he said. I’m telling you the truth, Jesus said. Anyone who believes in Me will do the same works I have done and even greater works because I am going to be with the Father. So, let's give it some thought. Are we listening and obeying Jesus commandment?

Prayer:

Jesus, we acknowledge that this isn't something that we can do in our own strength and this isn't something we can do if we don't love You with all that we are, how can we love with Your love unless we have Your love within us. So, come Holy Spirit and well up within us, we pray. Let us see those around us with Your love, let us have Your heart toward the world, and let us reveal You in the world as Your hands and feet. Come, Jesus, we pray. In Your holy name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it's home base, it’s where you find out what is happening and what's going on around here. So be sure to check in and check it out.

If you want to partner with the daily audio Bible in our mission as a community year to continue to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and to build community around that rhythm so that we know we are not alone. We are on a journey together with her brothers and sisters all over the world as we do exactly what Jesus said, love one another as we have been loved by Christ. If that has been life giving to you and you believe in that mission as a community then thank you for your partnership. There's a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996. Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi. This is Kim from Kentucky and it’s Monday morning, May the 21st  and I just listened to the podcast and was listening to the prayers and Joyce called and because she’s graduating from med school the 19th. Glory be to God. Joyce, I’m a pediatrician in Eastern Kentucky and I still remember so well the days of med school and what an accomplishment. God bless you. And as you head into your residency, whatever that is where God has led you, to the place he’s led you, I know you will be his light there and you will make such a difference. I wish I had known the Lord so much better in my residency times like I do now. I would have been such a better doctor. But you do. And praise Gods glory. And I just want to quickly say, a couple of days ago Brian read in first Samuel, it was chapter 23 and 24, and it was about David and him being on the run and Saul right at his heels. I mean, like he was gonna get caught by him it sounded like and how the enemy can be right on our heels but God will send something that turns the enemy around, just like He did Saul. And at the end it said that that place was called the Rock of Separation. I never had got that before. That really resonated in my ears. In another translation it says the Rock of Escape. And I don’t know when David wrote it but then Psalm 18, he talks about the Lord being our rock, my rock and my refuge. And that just really blessed me and I wanted to bring that out and I just pray that it will encourage someone today that just needs to know, the enemy beyond your heels but Jesus Christ is our rock. Let’s pray…

This is Vickie from Arizona and I am calling just with an update. My husband passed away on Wednesday and he is, hopefully, in the arms of Jesus. I thank you for everybody who prayed. It seemed like his death was very peaceful. I mean, he never said, we never had the talk that he accepted Jesus but I have to believe in my heart because it was so peaceful. He went to take a nap and he never woke up. My friend was here, my girlfriend, was here with him and I was at work because we really didn’t think…we thought he had more time. So, if you would just lift up our family as we now transfer to the next chapter of our life without him. And just that God would give me wisdom beyond my understanding because I’ve been married for my whole life, we were 37 years in, but I’ve never known anybody but him. So, such a, you know, just, just a new chapter. That’s what I say. So, I just ask for prayers for wisdom. And that the peace that passes all understanding would just take over the things that I can’t deal with, that God will show me how to deal with them. So, I just thank you for your prayers. I covet your prayers. I love you. Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you for praying for Boyd. Thank you for praying for my family. Have a blessed and prosperous day. And thank you Brian and Jill for this platform to just even be connected to all these wonderful people of God. And I love you. Thank you. Bye.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family. This is Terry the trucker. It’s Monday the 21st. I just wanted to say to everyone, have a blessed day. And for all those that have called in for prayer, I’m praying for each and every one of you daily. But the Lord’s laid it on my heart that there’s a lot of people that listen that don’t call. For what reason, I don’t know, but I know I listened last year off and on for pretty much the whole year, but off and on. I had to catch up but I never would call in knowing I needed prayer. I don’t know if it was pride, shame, for what I was asking for prayer for. But whatever your need is, the Lord knows. And I’m praying for you and I know there’s a lot of other people that are. You don’t have to call in. All you have to do is believe and have faith. That’s all he says…and have faith. But I wanted you to know that whatever your need is that I’m praying for you. You all have a blessed day. I have a praise report also. It’s gonna to be three days I believe. I just about huffed now but it’s 23 days, no drugs, no alcohol. Thank you Lord and thank you all for the prayers. I am truly blessed. You all have a great day. God, bless.

Hello my name is Evanya, Evan. And it’s been a while since I called. I lived in California. And I don’t know, I think some of you maybe remember, but I was dealing with issues with alcohol and drugs and a really bad relationship with my mother. And now am in Nicaragua in Central America and I’m calling from here. Just wanted to check in and ask for prayer. I heard a testimony of Terry and…who also was dealing with alcohol problems, drug addiction. And I totally understand. I can relate to you. It’s been very difficult for me. So, I’m just asking for prayer from my Daily Audio Bible family. Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family. It’s Monica in Kentucky and it’s May 22nd and I’m calling to pray for Cherry Chase Cherry pie. Dear heavenly Father, I just lift up my sister Cherry Chase Cherry pie and the struggles that she’s having with her job. Lord, it’s bad enough to have a difficult name, but to have that compounded with racism, that’s so present that she can feel it in her group, in her team, it’s just unfathomable to me because I’m white and because I blessed to work in a ministry and I don’t have to struggle with this. It’s hard enough without that being an extra added layer of job stress, pain, and frustration. So God, I just ask you to give Cherry just an extra dose of everything that she needs to do her job above reproach and in excellence so that there is no room for false accusation. Just fill her with so much love peace and joy that her coworkers look at her in complete amazement and embrace her as their sister. And Lord I just ask for justice. I ask for complete and total justice. I mean, you promise that in the end, but I actually pray that there be justice for her in the situation. Lord, you are the God of justice. And, so, I do ask that You would bring justice for her in this situation, peace, joy, prosperity, and justice. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

[sammlethal]

Anyone ever tell you that they do not love you? At that point when you have stars in your eyes and that person fills your heart to bursting? Have you ever given someone every single emotion there is to give? From rage to tears of joy? Emotions from both your personal stock and theirs?

Its like we live in a time period where actual love is dead. Everything is selfish. Everyone. Me included.

My father quit on me. Packed all mine and my siblings belongings into small plastic shopping bags and dropped us off 6 hours away in my mothers neighborhood, not sure which house was hers. I had to hold my brother and sister's hands while knocking door to door, looking for my mom. I was 12.

That was a couple years after the era of beatings, after the era of divorce. After that Friday afternoon day at school; my mother was the school bus driver before the divorce. Everyday we rode home with her. Until my father picked us all up. It was fun for us kids. We NEVER got picked up, and by our father! What a thing! He drove us to our pastors house. We did not see our mother again for almost 5 years. In the State of Virgina, in the late 90s, it wasnt considered kidnapping for a biological parent to take off with the kids if they stay within state lines. And my mother must have given up after that. I imagine the evil that was my real father, and how crushed and scared she must have been. Only now do I know what it is she felt.

That was after the molestation of me and my sister by our God father/Sunday school teacher/the churches singing coach.

Then there was my first love. I was 17. She was 16. By 19 we had a daughter, her name is Serenity. My ex was a freak. My demanded things from me that I could not give her, not physically. So in order to keep her and my kid, I let her have her satisfaction and pleasure.

I guess someone screwed her over because she fabricated these fake police reports about a guy who kept coming after her and she said she called the cops over and over and he wouldnt leave her alone (she was 6 months preggo when this happened) and she didnt feel safe and I beat him up. I beat him up bad. Almost killed him. Turns out she lied and he had been paying her for preggo nude flicks and videos amd she felt he still owed her money. So she used my insecurities and my nature and set me on a course that led me to 5 years in prison. Then she left me. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking idiot. My only defense was that i was young and dumb and in love. Or so I thought. No really...i thought it was the right thing. That I was protecting my small, new family. And damnit man, family means the world to me. Probably because mine has been so fucked up lol.

Anyways I get out in 2015 and I meet a girl. She rocks my world in all new was and we CLICK. Like...humor and taste and the world issues we care about and nerdy things and the SEX IS ON FIRE. And I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I broke her heart. I got drunk. I started the road to becoming my biological father.

Then she left me. Which was biggest, greatest thing she could have ever done for me. I went spiraling out of control and ended up living in the woods.

Until she calls me one day. I had a new girlfriend. We did not CLICK lol...and as soon as me and her spoke I turned to that girl and told her we were not gonna work out.

You see. Me and my lady had a son together. A beautiful, handsome as hell and adorable baby boy. And he really became my world. I walked 7 miles to meet him. My feet had popped blisters by the time I got downtown and saw them. The whole time I'm walking I'm hopping she didnt leave. That she would wait. And she did.

Then I messed up again. I scared her. That time between when we broke up and when she came back...i did not do good. I found cocaine and alcohol and it led to a very big fight between the two of us. That night we fought I have never been more like my father than right then and there. And I payed for it. The next morning I was arrested. No one thought of rehab. No one had the sight to see the root of the issues. Or no one cared. It was back to prison for me. A parole violation.

I got out. We tried again. I failed again. Only this time nothing horribly bad had happened. She just wanted an escape. I know this because she has since told me so. That she wasn't IN LOVE with me and needed an escape. We had been split up almost a week. I will never forget. It started on a Wednesday night, I left and went to my mothers. That following Sunday the police beat down the door and arrested me AGAIN. Only this time nothing bad had happened. Not really. She just didnt want to be with me. And so she sent me away. For two more years. 2!

I get out. I find peace finally. I start taking care of mental health.

She comes back! Again! And once again I leave my girlfriend at the time, who by the way, had a heart of gold and did not deserve to get caught up in mine and my lovers drama. I will forever feel guilty about that and I hope she forgives me over time. But at the end...no one can replace my son's Mother. She is my other half. My best friend.

We've been going since April? May? It had been a few years and I had just gotten out a few months before and the Covid just hit so I was trying to get the family court papers started. I got in touch with a private detective to find her so I could have her served. The the last thing I expected was to get a call from her.

And here we are. I am struggling to learn all the important, fundamental life lessons that my parents failed to teach me. I am struggling to learn those crucial relationship lessons we learn when in our twenties...that era of my life that was spent locked away.

All i want is my family. Is to be loved. And to ve able to return that love. My life could have went a few different ways. But here I am, doing the right things as much as I see them. I beat myself up when I fail. I work hard doing general construction. I'm good at it too. I start school in the spring. Nothing fancy just community college. I am an awesome dad. An awesome lover. And I have a huge heart.

ALMOST every single day I am with my little family. My son's Mother and my son. She doesnt want me to move in...which I understand. She claims to be an introvert. Which I also understand. (Along with beating, my childhood was also spent locked in my room, grounded, for days on days on days).

And dont get it wrong. Me and her have some issues. Mine (I think?) are just basic life things I'm trying to wrap my head around, like I said, the things my parents failed me on. But at least I know that. I admit it. And I'm trying. Because I'm a good man who has been through hell and because of that hell, I love with a feirceness, I don't give up. I am patient. And I generally have a positive outlook on life. I would I am doing good, all things considered. Her issues? Jesus fucking Christ. You would swear the world is ending right now.

She is constantly breaking up with me. For example, this weekend I gave it to her in a way neither of us have had...im talking sex here...we both have this...fetish, both of us (how rare?) And we both click when we do these things. Anyways I left her empty of all juices. Then I massaged her a little that night, telling her how good and amazing she is. Then another nice massage a day or so later. She thanked me after the last one (massage I mean)...saying how her back didnt hurt in the morning and how she got her yoga done.

And now we are broken up. Right now. Again. It was last week when it happened. She calls me on Wednesday or Thursday and says that I got in her head. Then this awesome weekend happens. Then an awesome start to the week. Then tuesday, doing construction, I think i pulled something in my leg or gave myself a small hernia, because after work I was in pain and sore. I asked told her I wanted to stay home. Rest up. That the next day we were supposed to start this big window replacement job. 20 something windows. But no. We argued over it. I dont know why. I think she just really missed me. Or so I thought. And said she needed help with our son. She always says that, then when i get there and dinner is over, the rest of her night is spent on her phone (which she is sneaky with), on the TV, or MAYBE catching up on homework. Says she is tired after a long day of working from home, on the phone and computer. Doing IT. But I do physical labor. And if I complain that I am sore or tired she just thinks i want to sit at home on my PlayStation or watching netflix, instead of taking the responsibility to be there for our son. Which remember, I am ALWAYS THERE. Unless she has decided that I am horrible, in which case she breaks up with me, and I spend the next couple of days hurt and crying and missing my family. I can not move in with her and my son. She does not want her family to know. (My mother told me she would disown me if me and her got back together. But it did not stop me. Because i am a man, and she is my woman. He is my son. And this is my life)....and is so stressed and anxious that will find me over there. I have actually, more than once, had to run and hide because her family popped up.

So yeah, I walk over there. This was Tuesday. The day when I think I pulled a muscle. I walked. She says that the only reason I walked was because she had to yell at me. But man...see these text. You would swear I am the world's largest dick head. In reality she said all these things in front of my son. That night I touched her. Massaged her just a little...soft touches. We made love. I woke up throughout the night with leg cramps. Woke up the next morning so tired from lack of sleep and hurting leg muscles. Called the doctor. Had to miss work. Turns out that yep, I gave myself a small hernia. Then WALKED on it lol.

So when we talked yesterday. I told her that the doc is pretty sure I have a hernia...my appointment was today and yes...yes I do have a little hernia. Doc wants me to rest but I'm pretty sure I have to work. Anyways so yesterday, before she picks our boy up from daycare (by the way, kuddos to you moms who work from home AND have kids to deal with at the same time. You girls are superheros!)...which I agree with daycare. He is an only child and he needs interaction with other kids. It's important for his development. Anywho, she ask me before picking him up if I want to come over. I tell her no, tell her what the doc said. By this point I have been there everyday since Friday. While on parole and breaking cerfew and worried about that. (Which I got questioned on. If I didnt worry about parole before, why now? And I dunno. Thats way of anxiety? But good thing I did because he came by this morning and I was here. Had I been there with her, I would have been here and would be on my way to a big ole parole violation. But no. In her eyes I dont do enough. I have to be there every day, no matter if I'm sick or sore or in pain. That is what she said. That a real parent never quits.

I'm just so confused. I didnt quit. He can come over here to my place whenever he wants. Ive told her this. I have told him that. Of all nights for the two of us to stay at our respective homes, last night was it. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND CAN BARELY MOVE.

But she broke up with me again last night. Or better yet, said that we have been broken up. She said she doenst love me anymore.

How? Literally all we do is laugh. Have amazing sex. We are awesome parents. I literally dote on her. Massage her. Touch her softly. Like for real, I EMPTIED her of all juices, have seen her cry...actually cry, from pleasure. She makes 50x more money than I do, but I still give her money because I don't want to feel like a burden.

I dont get it. I really don't. I give the shirt off my back. Gave myself a hernia. All I want is belong to a family that doesn't quit when the anxiety comes. Who doesnt take a lifetime of anxiety and stress and then blame it on someone else simply because they are what is in front of you at the moment.

How can someone be so smart and not see that? Or not want to?

Its 2020. We live in a world that encourages us to lie to ourselves. To lie to ourselves about our nature. We all believe we are good. Harmless people. Who would never hurt anyone or cause ill will. What we fail to see is that yes, we do cause all of these things, and then some. We are not perfect. We are human. We will hurt other people. We will lie. The great tragedy of the world isnt this in and of itself...these different hurts and heart aches are as old as humanity is....war, peace. Love and hate. The great tragedy is that we have been led to believe that we are beyond that, that we good, perfect people. And so when we do hurt others, its not our faults but theirs because how can I, this wonderful human being in the modern age, ever hurt someone? I have a car, a job, I'm a good parent. I'm a good boss. Whatever it is. We justify who we are by our level of success. And this is wrong.

And when she ask me why I love her after everything. Those moments when we both see the truth and see who we are, those are the moments when she ask me how I'm the world I can actually love her knowing all this. Dealing with all this. How? And I dont have the answer. I just know that my heart beats for the two of them (her and my boy) and it always will and I really hope one day she comes around. I'm waiting for that.

Some men find that one lady, that one lover, and there is nothing else after her that we want. She has it all. And that is me. That is her.

I love you

[jadorelesradis]

I’m bored

I figured I’d do the thing I’m best at, i.e. talking about ME. I found this tag on the lovely @captainclint‘s blog.

Your last 1. drink: drinking water right now 2. phone call: tried to call me dad this morning but he was asleep, but the last actual phone call was with my best friend, telling me she was coming over, but needed advice on how to get there. I love her and her non existent sense of direction so much. 3. text message: my best friend again, to complain about train times. 4. song you listened to: Restavec, by Milk Coffee and Sugar. Excellent French rappers, one of which is now a quite well known author, Gael Faye. I highly recommend. 5. time you cried: I’m not sure, there have been a few times in the last weeks, due to a former friend harassing me, which aggravated my ongoing existential crisis quite a bit. Such fun!

Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: my motto is: dating, not even once! 7. kissed someone and regretted it: nah, I don’t really care enough for regret to be an issue. 8. been cheated on: see point 6. 9. lost someone special: a few too many times, in more ways than one. That’s life, I suppose. 10. been depressed: I’m being depressed right now ahah 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: enough times that I’ve stopped drinking altogether.

3 favourite colours: purple, orange, red, yellow. In no particular order.

In the last year have you 15. made new friends: I guess so. 16. fallen out of love: love is not quite my thing. Romantically, at least. 17. laughed until you cried: yes, thank god for that. 18. found out someone was talking about you: big time. My colleagues are dicks, but now they like me, so I got over it. 19. met someone who changed you: not on a deep level, but I suppose the people around me do have some influence on me.  20. found out who your friends are: I’m learning that everyday. Thankfully, that list has been stable for a while now <3 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: No thanks. Unless we’re talking about la bise, in which case, many people on my facebook list!

General 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them, I run a tight ship. Although, some I haven’t seen in ages. 23. do you have any pets: a cat, but I moved out and had to leave him behind. Which is why I’m at my parents’ so much these days. 24. do you want to change your name: I’m thinking of dropping the E at the end of Morgane. I used to be very attached to it, but Morgan is gender neutral, so I’d like it better now. Plus, many people already spell it this way. I’ll probably do it when I move to Scotland. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I was at work, but afterwards there was some Harry Potter themed event at WHSmith (there’s only one in Paris), so I went there with my best friends, lots of us were dressed up, it was great. Also, I went to England to visit my nephews right after, which was perfect. 26. what time did you wake up: a few times this morning, like every morning, but I actually got up at 8h45. And I was not even working today. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping, as per usual. 28. name something you can’t wait for: my London trip in September. I’m seeing the Pink Floyd exhibit, visiting the Harry Potter studios, and going to see my nephews on the weekend. Basically, all of my favourite things. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: Wednesday night. 31. what are you listening to right now: the sound of traffic in my street, which I’ve weirdly come to enjoy. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yep. There used to be one in my class. Stoner Tom. Once he brought a kitten to school in the pocket of his jacket. I also know a few Thomases, if that counts. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: Seeing as I’m quite relaxed now, I’m not gonna look too deep for this one, so the wifi in my flat, when it stops working for no reason, several times a day. 34. most visited website: probably facebook. 35. hair colour: it depends who you ask these days, but I’d say auburn. 36. long or short hair: long, for now. I’m still thinking of cutting really really short, but first, I want it ridiculously long. When it comes to hairstyles, I have a thing for extremes. 37. do you have a crush on someone: I haven’t had one in over two years. But I still appreciate running into beautiful people. 38. what do you like about yourself: atm, my hair is being gorgeous. Also my boobs, cause it’s like those stress relief toys, except attached to me. 39. piercings: my ears are pierced, the left one twice. 40. blood type: A+ I think? I regularly ask my mum, and forget all the time. 41. nickname: none, if you wish to live. 42. relationship status: I’ll let you take a wild guess. Although I doubt anyone is reading this. 43. zodiac: aquarius. 44. pronouns: she/her to most people, they/them if I lived in an English-speaking country and had the strength to come out. 45. favourite tv show: atm, Brooklyn Nine Nine. Top of the Lake is another fave, but it’s hard to watch when not in a good place mentally. 47. right- or left-handed: right handed. 48. surgery: appendicitis, when I was 6. 49. sport: as little as possible. Comme dirait Gringe, ‘comment on utilise nos jambes, c’est une insulte à la paraplégie’. Awful but true. 50. vacation: I don’t get the question, where do I wanna go? Honestly, New Zealand, again and again.  51. pair of trainers: at least three that I wear regularly, but a buttload of converse trainers left at my parent’s.

More General 53. eating: again, what’s the question? What do I like to eat? Cheese. Damn good and stinky French cheese. Je vous conseille le brillat aux truffes, mon obsession de l’été. 54. drinking: water, these days, everything else disappoints. 55. i’m about to: go make myself some dinner! 56. waiting for: my bedtime. 57. want: to sleep. But I really need to eat first. 58. get married: in keeping with points 6 and 16, naaaah. 59. career: hopefully, I won’t stick with the company I’m with right now, but I’d still like to work in translation.

Which is Better 60. hugs or kisses: if we really have to, hugs. But how about, no touching at all? 61. lips or eyes: eyes. 62. shorter or taller: shorter, to finally assert my dominance over someone. 63. older or younger: older, cause young people are noisy. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: what kind of creature are we building here? Arms, I suppose. 65. hook up or relationship: Friendship. Ah! 66. troublemaker or hesitant: independent and confident. I really don’t get half of these tbh.

Have You Ever 67. kissed a stranger:  yes, see point 11. 68. drank hard liquor: yes, see point 11. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses a lot, but always find them after about five minutes of Velma-ing around the place. I did break my glasses a couple of times. 70. turned someone down: a few times, yes. 71. sex on the first date: still no dating for me. 72. broken someone’s heart: I hope not, but I can’t be sure. 73. had your heart broken: not in the way this question is asking about. 74. been arrested: not yet. 75. cried when someone died: yes. 76. fallen for a friend: nope. I would take the fall for a friend though.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: not most days. 78. miracles: I try not to. I fail a lot. 79. love at first sight: probably not. I can’t see a healthy relationship getting started on that basis alone. 80. santa claus: not anymore. 81. kiss on the first date: how is that a belief? Some people do it, some people don’t. I just don’t date overall. 82. angels: and demons, and heaven and hell? No. But there’s still a part of my brain that likes to say what if? I blame my Christian upbringing for that one, cause it’s fucking annoying.

OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: Laura. It couldn’t be anyone else. But I guess they could change their name? 84. eye colour: blue with a tinge of yellow. 85. favourite movie: Control by Anton Corbijn and La Haine (Hate) by Matthieu Kassovitz. I can’t choose between them. Heads up, they are both super depressing and in black and white (even though they are recent movies).

[sunshineonamission-blog]

January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way. 

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder. 

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing. 

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it. 

So. Sounds like you like to make shit. 

Yeah. 

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can. 

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2. 

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript. 

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots. 

Keep the conversation going when I need to. 

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something. 

Kick ass in acting tomorrow. 

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go.  - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there.  Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment. 

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker. 

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

 I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment. 

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom. 

Made eggs. 

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning. 

I’m so glad he’s auditioning. 

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week. 

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad. 

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves. 

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not. 

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in) 

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana 

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together. 

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t. 

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today 

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep 

Goodnight