#gonna have poems from her pov too

[bettathanyou]

A poem of Cedric's pov of his feelings for Anastasia, my self insert OC:

There's crucial context here that pertains to this poem, regarding the nature of their relationship (an arranged marriage) but this is all I can tell y'all for now. Anyways lmk what you think

[gguk-n]

Chapter 1- Anonymous Conversations

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N formed an unexpected bond with a boy behind the screen. He doesn't have many interest it seems, except for reading her stupid poems.

{Reader's POV}

12/07/2012

Dear Diary, Stella is leaving for Canada tomorrow forever. Today was the last day of school before the summer break so I went to Stella's house after school. It's so shitty, how can she leave me like this and before the start of high school. I don't have any friends other than her, what am I supposed to do??? This isn't fair, first Faye moved back to her home country a couple years back and now Stella. It's like they don't even care about me. I made a google plus account so we can stay in touch. Actually everyone's on google plus, I'm just late to the party. I'm sure we'll still be close.

02/01/2013

OMG!! I think I'm in love. There's this new boy band, One Direction. Ava told me about them last year but I brushed her off saying they weren't my cup of tea, but OMG!!! They are fucking perfect and I love Niall so much. He's so cute and has the dreamiest eyes and his accent, I'm gonna faint. I bought the Take Me Home album yesterday!! I even put up their poster above my bed, hehe!! Sooooo, I may or may not be writing now. I think I'm gonna be an author. The stuff isn't great like Shakespeare but I'm sure I'll improve. I've written a couple poems and Aria read them and she thinks they are great. I'm gonna start uploading them on google plus. I made a separate page for it, under a pseudonym. If I really improve, maybe I can publish my work.

I was sat at my laptop, typing the latest story I came up with during lunch so I could upload it. There were a lot of people who were reading my work and even encouraged me. There is improvement, but then again, we can do better, I'm sure. My parents aren't very happy with how I'm wasting my time writing instead of focusing on my education since I'm in high school now. I finished typing the story and clicked the upload button, I got a comment on the post. It was from this guy, named Max, just Max. He always read all of my work and writes the nicest comments under them. I haven't spoken to him personally ever since my mother kept warning me about stranger danger and that it could be some 50 year old dude. But his comments are encouraging and make me want to write more. I hope he knows the kind of effect he's having on me.

My birthday is in a couple of days, I don't know what I'll do since I don't really have a lot of friends. Even Aria is away during that time, so I don't really have anyone to go out with. My parents are busy as always.

So, out of desperation or sadness, I don't know which one, I posted on google plus saying that it was my birthday. The first person who replied was Max as always. I really wanna know when this guy sleeps or how he gets any work done if he is online so much. He messaged me personally too, to wish me again and even asked what I did. I couldn't lie because my heart was heavy, so I told him. I literally just unloaded about not having any friends and spending the day alone because work was more important for my parents. He was so nice about it. He spent the next hour talking to me and cheering me up. He's apparently 15, from Netherlands. He loves cats and lives with his dad and sister. He sounds like a fun guy.

After that, both of us ended up chatting on google plus regularly. I would message him immediately after school and spend the next couple of hours talking to him. Some times, he'd be gone a couple weekends but it was no biggy. I'm sure he had other commitments instead of entertaining a dumb teenager.

Max's birthday is on 30 September. I wanted to be the first one, so I stayed up late to match the dutch timings and wished him. He replied a little while later. He wasn't very excited about it. I get it, maybe his friends aren't there or couldn't make it to his birthday. I was gonna cheer him like he cheered me up. I wish I could send him a present. He really was a light in dark time. When I had no friends in school I could rely on, he came like the knight in shining armour. I just want to be a good and reliable friend to him like he is to me. He is such a sweetheart. We've never spoken on call yet. I guess I'm still a little scared and we've only known each other for a few months. I'm gonna hold on that but Max is a genuinely nice person in my eyes. But his dad doesn't sound like the nicest person from what he says, but I can't tell him that his dad is shitty so I just read his texts.

18/12/2013

Dear Diary, Maxie is the cutest. I haven't seen or heard him yet but I feel like he is. Otherwise, why would he encourage me to follow my dreams? He was so understanding and gave great advice. You might wonder why I needed the advice, diary. I told my parents I wanna pursue a degree in literature and we had a huge fight since apparently I'm throwing my life away and I should try to get a proper degree that might get me a job. Apparently, I'm not thinking straight. I've been thinking about becoming an author for some time now, it's my one passion, I've realised. And if it means struggling, I would rather struggle and be happy than be in a dead end job. Just because they are some big shot business people doesn't mean I wanna do that do. ugh!!! I hate them. Maxie calmed me down honestly, he heard me out and told me it was okay to follow my dreams. I think he is such a good friend. I won't tell him that, he has a big ego as is. LOL!!

I've been gaining a lot of traction on my posts on google plus. I have a couple thousand followers but Max is the most active of them all. Max is so effortlessly funny. He did ask one time if we could talk on call, I told him that my microphone was broken. I'm still a little skeptical. I know, even though I'm literally sharing everything with him, I've never spoken on call or video with him. Maybe some day.

04/03/2014

Dear Diary, I got a new phone and a new number. The previous one was one of my parents multiple numbers but this one is my own. I feel like an adult, hehe!! I made a whatsapp, maybe I'll share my number with Maxie and we might start chatting on there. Google plus had become a bit of hassle and I'm not uploading on it like I used to. I usually only open it to talk to Max. I think it would be better to shift it to another service. He's been a little busy this year compared to the last, didn't tell me much but I think it has to do with him being in his final year of high school. Can't relate, but I hope I'm done with high school soon. It fucking sucks. But on the bright side, I've gotten close to Nia and Aria and I could call Aria my best friend but she considers Nia her best friend. I don't mind being her friend. I have Max anyways.

Max has been quite busy lately, but I don't blame him. I would be busy in my final year of high school too. Even with all that, he has taken time out to talk to me. I did share my number with him, so now instead of google plus, which is a barren wasteland, we text on whatsapp. I've suggested talking on call some time when he's free, which hasn't happened yet.

We had set up a time to talk, it was really early here but I didn't mind, I was up anyways. I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I was anxious as well, what if he's some pedophile; all these thoughts raced through my head when my phone rang. Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Fuck was he flirting, is this flirting? A million thoughts ran through my head, no one's ever flirted with me before. I felt my cheeks heat up. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. There was a pause on the other end. I heard shuffling. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! The conversation flowed smoothly. It didn't feel like we were talking on call for the first time. I had a lot of fun talking to Max. He sounds like a teenager, much to my relief. He's just as funny on call as he is on text.

After that, we ended up calling each other regularly. Max would answer my calls whenever but sometimes I felt bad about calling him at the crack ass of dawn in Netherland so I would avoid calling him whenever. He is so kind and listens well but damn does he talk. Every one who knows me calls me talkative, if they heard Max their ears would bleed. But I like hearing him talk, he has the most random and vast knowledge, he's helped me write too many of my papers because I didn't have to research, I could just ask him; he's like a walking encyclopedia.

17/05/2015

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love. It's not some celebrity this time but I think it's Max. I don't even know that dude's last name but I'm in love. He not like the guys in school, he's so mature and funny and sweet and understanding and he supports me so much. I didn't know when or how but I think I love him. Obviously I won't tell him. It's prolly a crush since I have't dated anyone ever. I'll get over it, can't ruin my friendship over this. As is, he has gotten so busy. I think he is going to college. He didn't say it explicitly but why else would he be so busy right now if not applying for colleges. I don't know the dutch education system but I'm sure he busy pursuing higher education. He said he liked cars, I think he'll do something with cars. I didn't really ask in more details. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. We have a chill friendship, we share when and what we want to. Alas, I hope this crush doesn't ruin my friendship.

09/08/2015

This is bad, my crush on Max has only gone on to increase. He's so kind to me, what am I supposed to do? Also he's the only one who can calm me down after a fight with my parents regarding my future. Sadly, he gotten so busy. He's gone for a while every few weeks. But lately he's been free. We've been talking a lot. He sounds a lot more rested lately too. I'm sure college is tough. But he's strong and I know he'll do it.

[Little did Y/N know, Max was busy racing across the world in Redbull's junior team. He was in his first year as a formula one driver, hence he was so busy. Max had no intentions of telling her, he liked being just Max, a guy from Netherlands who could talk to her. He enjoyed the disconnect he got with her]

[taesanluv3r]

chronicles of an overly in-love woonhak.

kim woonhak x reader

entirely in woonhak's pov (he's just yapping to himself the whole time), this is so dumb n stupid but i think it's silly cute idk 😓 cuss words!! lowercase intended, pls excuse any spelling mistakes / grammatical errors <3 enjoy :3

wc: 1,401

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"relax woonhak, it's not that hard"

all i needed to do was make a move. seriously, how hard could it be? i mean it was easy to help riwoo make a move on the girl he liked, so why would it be hard for me to make a move on someone myself?

but of course, the difference was that riwoo was hitting on someone random from his dance class while i, little pathetic old kim woonhak, just had to have a crush on the ever-so untouchable, and insanely stunning…

yn fucking ln.

i mean she's like- way way way out of my league, right? the other day i confided in taesan, i always talk to him when i feel lost...well only when i'm lost in the thoughts of her. that's only cause she's rather close to him, they're like siblings who aren't related at all- i think it's pretty sweet. otherwise, i wouldn't ever confide in that menace.

but he knows her very well, and he knows me very well, it's the perfect combination. anyways, i told him about my feelings for her, how she absolutely drove me insane. i mean who wouldn't go insane? she's just so effortlessly...her, in a good way, of course. god nothing bad about her would ever come out of my mouth...she's just perfect.

okay maybe I'm lying, she can be a little stubborn and bitchy sometimes...but that's just another thing I can go on and on and on talking about. i'm always talking about her.

taesan laughed at me, he told me i was oblivious and delusional if i couldn't see that she felt the exact same way. i mean can you believe that? she feels the same?! about me?! about kim woonhak?!

i don't believe it for a second...okay, i lied again. the statement did fuel my stomach up with butterflies and make my head spin and cheeks flush and all that…jazz.

and then he said one thing, the one thing that's making me think about everything all over again.

"if you love her so much, make a move!"

and so now here i am, sitting in bed at one o' clock in the morning. only eight hours until i have to go to school. which means that i only have eight hours to construct the most perfect plan to finally make my move. i mean how hard could it be? it's just like chess! not that i'm good at chess, i actually kinda suck at it…

"ugh cut it out woonhak, you're wasting your time!"

she probably doesn't even like me back. maybe she's just as nice as she is to me with everyone else. and surely that drawing she made me was just a friendly gift! and of course the poems she sent me were probably drafts for someone else…though she did send one with my name in it once…

wait.

wait a fucking minute.

SHE PROBABLY DOES LIKE ME BACK?!

OKAY, okay calm down woonhak. no need to get your hopes up too unecessarily high…

this does give me confidence though, just keep thinking positively and make your move at school FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!

"i got this!"

maybe i lied a little to my reflection in the mirror whilst getting ready for school this morning. cause she was right there when i arrived, alone and ready for me to go tell her I love her, but fear got the best of me…as per usual.

so now i'm here, in fucking science class having to listen to professor lee rant about whatever problem he had with lamarck's theory as opposed to darwin's. interesting one though, i know yn has a real interest in the theory of evolution and just about everything else biology related- maybe not plant biology, she didn't look too happy when we were told we're gonna study plant science next week.

just as i started thinking about her all over again, a piece of paper struck my head from behind. it landed in between my back and my chair, not very comfortable. i turned to reach for it, checking out whoever threw it at me as i did so.

yn ln shoots her unique smile at me, her lips tilting crookedly. she never smiled with her teeth because she doesn't quite like how it looks. i strongly disagree, i think it's adorable when her uneven fangs show, it's just another peculiar thing i get to love about her.

i stare too long, too long that she has to raise her eyebrows to remind me of the paper i was supposed to retrieve from behind me and read. my cheeks were probably redder than the ripest of strawberries- ironically, her favourite fruit.

the page was off-white, a cute rilakkuma print bordering the lined-sheet…classic yn ln and her cutesy stationary. i couldn't help but smile as i opened it to find her neat, yet absurdly tiny handwriting.

i admired it for a second, not quite reading the actual note just yet, but once i did…

the ink was pink, one of the gel-pens she usually used to write her overly pretty notes for literature. and the words she scribbled on the page were simple. well, as simple as such a complex and interesting girl like her could ever get.

"hi woonhak, i like you. like a lot. see you under the bleachers at lunch. :) <3 ★"

not even a question. if it weren't for the doodles of hearts, smiley faces, and stars all over the note i would've deemed it a threat.

another lie. i should stop lying. she could tell me to throw myself off a cliff or threaten me with a knife and i'd still be flustered and in love.

the lunch bell came a lot sooner than i calculated. perhaps my brain had been overstimulated by the test i had just finished, or maybe time is just that unpredictable when you're anxious.

i desperately needed to piss- another lie that i told myself to postpone the possible embarrassment i might encounter with my crush under the bleachers today. fuck. why am i so nervous?

i decided it's best to just YOLO and speed over to her usual spot under the bleachers. what's the worst that could happen? you know...besides her revealing it was all a prank and then totally making fun of me!!!!!!! ha ha...ha...

i'm cooked.

she was already there, a slight worry on her face as if she had been waiting and wondering where i had been. i was about to mutter an apology for being late, saying i needed to go to the bathroom and such but she didn't let me talk.

"i know you like me, woonhak"

at this point i was shitting sweat.

"um-"

i was interrupted.

"you took too long to say anything and frankly, i got impatient. cause i like you too- like- a lot. lol"

lol, she ended every serious sentence with that abbreviation to lighten the mood- cute.

all i could do was chuckle in relief.

"can we kiss now?"

she asks, her words coming out a little stale and hasty, but sweet. in a way that made my heart break and melt into bits and pieces. who am i kidding though, she does anything and i'll melt into bits and pieces.

"yeah-"

her lips halted my chatter. she tastes like an odd mixture of banana milk and…honey garlic fried chicken- but it tasted kind of good...?

remind me to ask her where she got her lunch from cause...damn.

the kiss lasted longer than i would've earlier expected, her hands were in my hair and mine held her waist. i had to bend down a little, she's not that short but she's definitely not tall. not as tall as me, that is.

alas we seperated. she giggled softly and i can see a faint pink tint brushed against her cheeks as she caught her breath. then she looked up at me, with the most precious set of eyes. it didn't last long as her complexion changed completely in a matter of seconds before these words left her mouth:

"ask me out, loser"

and that's just the push i needed.

"yn ln, be my girlfriend and take me to whatever place you got the fried chicken your lips tasted like!"

she giggled again- i swear a braincell of mine disappears every time she so much as smiled- stepping forward to hug me, which i happily accepted by the way…she smells good. she smells like a...fresh...teddy bear? yeah.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"i can't believe you actually like me back" i blurted out, watching as she stuck a chicken wing into her mouth. the sauce got on her face and i helped her wipe it off like the gentleman that i am.

"and i can't believe you confided in taesan, of all people!" her words were muffled as she chewed.

"whatever babe, now why don't you eat first and talk later"

she almost chokes as she stares at me with this bewildered look on her face. how could a person be so adorable? like? this???? this cutie??? SHES my girlfriend???!!!???

she speaks with half a drumstick in her mouth and her eyes were opened wide.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE?!"

lol.

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

LMAOOO idek wht i was going for in this one 😭 i pulled this straight out of my drafts tbh </3 reblogs n feedbacks r vv appreciated!! love u tysm for reading. love, kona.

[augustjustice]

Living Dead Boy

rating: T | wc: 1.3k | cw: angst, fixation on death, survivor's guilt, ambiguous ending | tags: meta, prose poem, 2nd person, horror movie allusions, steve pov, steddie (technically)

AO3 Link

Notes: Sometimes, I think about how Steve was supposed to die in Season 1. ...A lot.

You are a character in a horror movie. 

In fact, you’re a very specific character in a horror movie. 

At best, you're eye candy, like Johnny Depp and his crop top in that movie you saw later, about nightmares and the guy with the blades on the end of his fingertips. A Nightmare on…something. Maple Street, is what it would be, if this was your life. 

(You sure as shit hope that’s not a thing, the part about dying in your dreams. You’ve had far too many nasty ones, since everything that happened, to get trapped inside them forever.) 

But, at worst, you’re…well.

You’re Asshole Boyfriend #1. You know, the preppy guy. The popular guy. The guy who’s a little bit dumb and a lot too douchey, who drinks too much and parties too hard and sleeps around. 

The point is, you’re the wrong guy.

Certainly the wrong guy for the flinty eyed girl who makes it all the way to the final credits, the one with her backbone of steel. She’s a little virginal. And smart, way too smart for you. Intrepid and daring, she’s gonna hack her way to the end, maybe swan off into the arms of Sensitive-Eyed Nerd Boyfriend #2, because, let’s face it. He’s always deserved her more than you have, anyway. 

That is, she will, at least…if she isn’t the only one to make it out of the story alive.

The point is…the point is, your fate has already been foretold. Cacked off somewhere towards the end of the second act, hoisted by your own petard. If this were another movie, the more salacious ones they play down at the drive-in two towns over from Hawkins, maybe you would have kicked it caught in the act, the little death becoming the big one as you offer the Final Girl the ultimate betrayal. 

Your horror movie’s a little classier than that, but that doesn’t mean you won’t meet the same fate. Not after what you and your friends do to our heroine, spewing bile at her in big-spray painted letters for everybody to see. 

You fucked it. There’ll be no coming back, not after that. You’ll die, and all that will be left is a visceral satisfaction on the audience’s part to see you go.

Because, let’s face it…you had it coming, didn’t you? 

It’s been said before. Not etched out in stone but typed out in ink. There’s no changing it. 

Your story’s already been written long ago.

—

But then, at the end of the story, you…don’t die.

You were supposed to, you think. You’re pretty sure, at least.

That’s how these things go. Right?

At least, that’s what you picked up on, during the late night horror marathons you can’t stop putting on after for their grim familiarity. A taste that follows you all the way to your job at Family Video, when your best friend and you watch them with dead-eyed fascination. 

It’s been prophesied, or whatever the hell the kids would say. Foreshadowed by all the shitty meathead boyfriends who came before you, your story sealed in their blood. 

Except…you don’t.

You don’t die. 

—

It's like you've been given this life–this second chance that you were never even supposed to have–and, the truth is, now you don't know what to do with it.

So, in the aftermath, you loiter and drift, lost without a real, clear sense of purpose.

At first, you and Nancy–beautiful Nancy, the girl who always makes it out alive, who was always meant to–dance around each other, because…well, because what else are you supposed to do? You’re Nancy Wheeler's boyfriend. That's who you're supposed to be. 

If you're not that, then.. what even are you?

—

That’s a great fucking question, one fate doesn’t seem content to let go without giving you a pop quiz. After all, you’ve seen this one before…Asshole Boyfriend #1 or Sensitive-Eyed Nerd #2. Who will she choose?

…Was it ever even really a question? 

—

So, you aren’t Nancy Wheeler’s boyfriend, and you’re not dead either. 

But, you know what you are great at?

Being cannon fodder. 

And, okay, so…maybe, if someone looked at it too closely, they might accuse you of having a death wish of some sort. 

But…that's not exactly right, is it? It can’t be. Because why shouldn't you be the human shield? You were supposed to be dead already, and you know it, so…it just makes sense. 

What other point is there to you?

—

The horrors keep coming back…they never really die, right? Always gotta show up for the sequel. 

And you keep stepping in front of them, because, like you already said…not much else you can do. Each and every time, you think this is it, you’ve reached the end of the line. Fate’s finally gonna catch up with you, take back what it meant to at the start. 

But somehow, against all odds…you keep coming out alive. No matter how many hits you take, how bloodied and battered you end the night. You’re still standing. 

—

The series has made it all the way to Upside Down Horrors Part 4. And, okay, so maybe you think about it every round, but this one…

You’re pretty sure you were supposed to die. For real this time.

But he died in your place. Splayed out, bloody, in your shared pseudo-little brother's arms. 

There’s no way it wasn’t meant to be you. 

Because, you and Eddie Munson, you’ve got nothing in common, right? Fallen King of Hawkins High and the King of the Freaks, what could you possibly? 

Except for all the things you do. 

He’s the mentor and reluctant babysitter of the party. The guy the kids look up to with stars in their eyes. 

Just like you are. 

He ran, that first time around, when the shit hit too close to home. 

Just like you did. 

A girl died in his house, and the guilt gnaws away at him, keeps him locked in a chokehold. 

Just. Like. You.

He’s even goofy and dramatic, makes his protests of your friends’ reckless plans known with the same loud chorus of No, no, no as you do. 

Hell, the parallels are so obvious, you were jealous of him, before. Afraid he was taking your place. You’d barely managed to carve out a spot in the narrative for yourself–you sure as shit didn’t need extra competition.

Now, you’re just glad to have somebody else on your side, for once. 

And there’s no way he doesn’t make it out of this one alive, right? I mean, Revenge of the Nerds, that’s all the rage. Guys like you get cut off at the knees, pay for your sins with humiliation or death while the audience cheers, vindicated at long last. 

But geeky loner outsiders? They come out on top. 

It’s poetic justice, or some shit. Robin would know.

So, that’s how you know it. That the narrative has slipped the tracks yet again. 

Because the one time you weren’t playing human shield, Munson gets the short end of the stick in your place?

It isn’t right. It isn’t fair. 

The universe is just fucking with you, at this point, you’re sure of it. Eddie was never meant for this.

It was supposed to be you. 

—

You can’t even call yourself surprised, when the boy who died in your place claws his way out of his grave like a creature in an old black-and-white monster movie, craving blood and covered in ichor.

And the truth is…it’s so easy, from there. You’ve been waiting so long for this moment, and you didn’t even know it until now.

So, when his wings wrap around your shoulders, you fall into Death’s loving embrace like an old friend. 

After all…you were supposed to be dead for years now.

[swiftsaltsweet]

Two Knives Interlude 1: Rangi- Damn

Characters: Rangi and Kyoshi (RoK characters tbh)

Pairing: Rangshi

Rating: M

Summary:

Things have been stressful for Kyoshi. First, she sang a poem and now the whole kitchen staff thinks it’s about Rangi, and is sure that there will be gossip. Then, Yun asks her to join him for the Fifth Nation treaty signing. Now Rangi’s acting strange. It’s becoming a bit much for Kyoshi’s small corner of the world.

(Canon Divergent AU- Kelsang wasn’t the one who heard the poem?….aka What if it took longer for them to realize Kyoshi was the Avatar?)

Other Sites: AO3 

A/N: (Future me edit: Phew! Glad you guys seemed to like the little twist at the end, was a little nervous ngl TT0TT Also YAY! I CAN FINALLY START SHARING THE RANGI CHAPTERS! *sobs* so excited and haha oh man now I’m nervous akfjskfdaj)

(back to past me:) Heyyyyyy it’s POV switch time, just like The Hunt For Kyoshi’s: The Hunter and The Hunted chapters :’D

I only had this POV flip planned so………u_u but hey! It’s like 3 chapters worth in one chapter so :’D Wait…3 chapters….. *looks at the length of this chapter vs the others* Oh someone save meeeeeee TT0TT Haha this is gonna be a long chapter-Oh wait I’m getting a call. Ahuh. Hmm. Yup… 27 pages????......AND YOU AREN’T DONE……. THREE CHAPTERS AND NOT ONE?! Ok We’re splitting this into three chapters sorry. :’D

I underestimated how much Rangi yaps. u_u Pining more than a damn pine tree.

Me from the future (again): *stumbles in* Heyyyyy-o. Oh boi. Um….yes. So….THIS chapter was supposed to be chapter 4, but then I changed it. :’D So like….just remember how these were written/structured: Kyoshi’s first 3 chapters, and then Rangi’s first three chapters, then chapters 4-6, then Rangi’s 4th chapter (that 4th chapter wasn’t originally going to exist too jaklfjds. Man this fic has been shuffled about more than a deck of cards kjfdslafjs

____

Rangi was an idiot. She couldn’t believe that she walked all the way down to the kitchen, and had forgotten to tell Kyoshi the one important news she wanted to relay to her! She cursed that Aoma girl and her cronies for bullying Kyoshi, because they’d distracted her as well. Instead of telling Kyoshi the good news of Master Kelsang returning from a relief mission early, she was trying to give the giant girl tips on how to defend herself.

All those tips falling on deaf ears, as usual. 

She slowly and silently made her way back down to the ruckus kitchen. She heard them from the hallway, something about singing a dirty song or something about unrequited love. She really hoped Kyoshi wasn’t still wasting her time down there. 

“Kyoshi next!” someone said, and the sound of Kyoshi’s name made Rangi stop on the stairs. “She’s never here, so let’s make the most of it!”

Rangi stood in the middle of the staircase, just out of sight from the kitchen. Unsure of what to do. On one hand, she was annoyed that her hunch was right, and Kyoshi was still down there. But on the other hand, she wondered if Kyoshi was going to join in. If she was going to sing. What her singing voice sounded like. What she was going to sing about. 

She stood there, heart thrumming in her chest to the beat of the kitchen appliances.

“I’ve got two knives that are cast in bronze / they pierce all the way to the soul / they draw you in with the promise of sin / like the moth to the flame to the coal.”

Rangi’s eyes widened as she heard Kyoshi’s singing voice for the first time. It was such a lovely alto. Her voice was smooth, strong and rich. 

The kitchen howled. Someone clucked in disapproval. “Keep going, you naughty girl!” a voice shouted.

Oh, right, she supposed she should be listening to the lyrics. She shook her head, as much as she’d love to listen to Kyoshi’s voice. The song itself might give her an indication on if Kyoshi liked someone.

Let’s see, something about bronze and fire? Rangi’s heart leapt at the thought of the second description, but tapered it down. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. 

“I’ve got hair like the starless night / it sticks to my lips when I smile / I’ll wind it with yours and we’ll drift off course / in a ship touching hearts all the while.”

Kyoshi drummed on, more percussion started filling the air. And Rangi’s heart started to pound harder. Starless night. Black. A hand flew to her chest. Ok, now she couldn’t stop from getting ahead of herself. There were only a handful of people on the estate that had black hair, and she was one of them. 

“For the way I walk is a lantern lit / that leads you into the night / I’ll hold you close and love you the most / until our end is in sight.”

Rangi could feel the blood pounding in her ears, she could feel the blush covering her body. She knew she was beat red. Black hair, fire, light. Entangled hair. Wanting to hold and love them. Rangi leaned against the wall for support, and prayed. Prayed to every spirit imaginable. Prayed to every Avatar. Prayed that the person Kyoshi was talking about was her. Was Rangi. 

“It’s Rangi!” someone shouted. Rangi nearly leapt out of her skin. She stumbled back a few steps, fearing someone saw her. 

I thought I was out of sight!

“It is Rangi!”someone else cooed, the sound of kissing noises were heard.

“W-where?” Kyoshi asked, alarmed.

“Not in here, idiot!” a male voice said. “In your song! Just admit it, you just sang about Rangi.”

Rangi feared she was going to go into cardiac arrest. So she wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t the only one who saw the resemblance between her and Kyoshi’s song. Now, would Kyoshi admit it? Should she admit it? What should Rangi do if she did?

A million questions spiraled in her mind. 

What she wanted to do right then and there was run down there and…. Take Kyoshi right where she stood? Take her hand and run off with her? Both? 

Rangi drew a breath as quietly as she could. At some point she’d forgotten how to breathe. No, no, she couldn’t act brashly. Kyoshi had to confirm. And….there were other obstacles Rangi may have to overcome if Kyoshi did confirm. 

Rangi, and the rest of the staff waited for Kyoshi’s answer.

“I-I, uh, I,” Kyoshi started. 

Did Kyoshi not mean to sing about Rangi? Did the kitchen staff guess wrong? Did Kyoshi think no one would be able to guess it was about Rangi? 

The wait was killing her.

“I, uh, I have to go get ready for my gifting duties,” Kyoshi said hurriedly, and the sound of movement could be heard.

Rangi jumped and sprinted up the stairs as fast as she could. She quickly ascended the stairs, scratching and clawing on all fours, unable to keep her balance. Surely she was not as silent as she’d wanted to be. As soon as she got to the top she dove through the open window on the other side of the hall from the stairs without thinking. 

She landed in the bushes, and sat there, under the windowsill out of view. Her hand over her mouth to stifle any noises. She heard Kyoshi finish ascending the staircase, and then run in the direction of her room.

Rangi sat there for a moment, trying to catch her breath, and to cool her features off. She didn’t need to be walking around with her face flushed the same color as her red armor.

She placed her forehead on her knees and breathed. She likes me? Does this mean she likes me? She thought to herself, unable to stop the hope rising in her chest. 

For the past two years she’d resigned herself into thinking Kyoshi wouldn’t like her back. That her crush would go unanswered. So this hope was dangerous, if she completely gave in then…. What if Kyoshi still didn't like her? What would she do then?

Rangi took a few more calming breaths, and then slapped her own cheeks. She needed to calm down. She had duties to attend to!

…but first, she should probably go wash her face in her room. The water might help cool it off.

She scrunched up her face into the signature Sei’naka- or maybe it was just the Fire Nation?- stoic look. No one would be able to tell what she was thinking if she kept it like this. 

She made sure now one was looking before she escaped out of the bushes, and ran to her own room.

________________

Rangi ran the cool towel over her face, it warmed almost instantly at the contact of her skin. She repeated the process about a dozen or so times until her reddened face had finally calmed down. 

She grabbed a nearby dry towel and dried her face off. When she finally pulled it away, she began inspecting her appearance in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, so she fixed it. Trying not to think of the lyrics.

She inspected her skin, it was back to the normal pale it usually was, only a slight red hue scattered across it. Her fingers brushed at her neck, then her jaw, then her cheeks and then they froze. Her gaze lingered on her eyes. Her bronze colored eyes. 

“I’ve got two knives that are cast in bronze / they pierce all the way to the soul”

Rangi gasped, and pressed the towel into her face again. As if the pressure could stop the lyrics from forming in her mind. 

Kyoshi had been singing about her eyes. No! No, she needed to think rationally. Kyoshi might’ve been singing about her eyes. Might!

 “They draw you in with the promise of sin / like the moth to the flame to the coal.”

Rangi let out a muffled scream into the towel, her flush coming back red hot. Did Kyoshi really say her gaze was sinful? 

Have I been too obvious? Please tell me I haven’t been too obvious!

She thought about every longing look she thought she snuck and it caused her to do a little dance of embarrassment. Which led to her tripping over her own feet, and falling backwards onto the floor. 

Rangi’s face was still in the towel as she screamed and cringed into it with each memory that passed in her mind; kicking her legs on the floor all the while. It was a pathetic sight. If anyone were to walk in, that might be the final blow to her ego. She may never recover. Thankfully, there was nary a person in the estate that would just barge into Rangi’s room unannounced.

Rangi heard her door slide open with a click.

She slowly removed the towel to see a pair of familiar boots.

She looked up at her mother with absolute dismay. If anyone could or would see Rangi at her lowest and most vulnerable, her mother would always be there with a front row seat. 

Hei-Ran gazed down at her daughter with a deep frown. “What on earth are you doing?”

Breaking down. She thought. Rangi did her best to screw her face back into a stoic expression, the flush be damned. She stood up straight, inhaled, ready to give the excuse of her life. 

She exhaled…..and stared at her mother.

She had nothing. No excuse existed in this world that could’ve explained such disappointing behavior. It’d be better if she told her mother the truth, but she’d never do that. She feared what her mother might say or do if she mentioned her crush on Kyoshi.

Instead, she kept the staring contest up with her mother, until Hei-Ran finally broke it by pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Oh, nevermind. I don’t think I want to know,” Hei-Ran conceded. Rangi was going to leave the biggest and bestest offering for the spirits when she had time. 

Rangi cleared her throat. “What brings you to my room, mother? Shouldn’t you be with Yun?”

Hei-Ran sighed, “Yes, but we are taking a break. However, it appears he wants his break extended. It seems he galavanted off somewhere.”

Rangi nodded. That sounded like her Avatar.

“And I was wondering if his bodyguard would know where he was,” Hei-Ran glared at her daughter.

Rangi stiffened. She’d been neglecting her duties for the day. To be fair, she didn’t necessarily have to bodyguard Yun when he was in the presence of his Sifus, but still. She was slacking.

“I’ll go and fetch him,” Rangi said with a bow.

“Good,” Hei-Ran replied, turning on her heel to leave. 

As she exited the door, a group of servants passed her room in the hall. “Did you see the Avatar?”

“Yeah I saw him on his way to the gifting room, you know where Kyoshi is!”

“How scandalous-Hey!”

Rangi practically barreled into her mother and the other maids as she passed, face pale in distress.

_____________

No! No no no no! Not the gifting room! Not those two alone!

Rangi’s mind was now screaming as she sprinted through the estate, she didn’t care if she looked like a spirit out of hell. She had to get to the gifting room, stat!

She was having a possibly amazing day, she didn’t need it to be ruined by the memories from around eight months ago. When she last left Yun and Kyoshi in a room together, alone. How they looked at each other. How Kyoshi sprinkled Fire Lilies over Yun’s face. How they….kissed. Or, almost kissed? Rangi didn’t know, she didn’t stick around to watch.

Rangi rounded the corner, she was running at the door with a full sprint. Body ready to catch them in the act this time, mind not as prepared.

She reached the door, stopped just in time, and slid the door open with a smooth click. 

She gazed at the two in front of her. Kyoshi and Yun were a respectable distance apart. Nothing nefarious happened this time. She sighed inwardly, and then remembered to keep her face in its stoic placement. She didn’t trust her real emotions at the moment. 

"Avatar." She bowed deeply and solemnly to Yun. Then she turned to Kyoshi, Kyoshi appeared more sullen than usual. “And you! You’ve barely made any prog-”

Rangi cut herself off and tore her eyes away from Kyoshi, looking around the room. Her eyes widened a bit. “Oh….it’s…. actually almost done.” She wasn’t expecting that….

Almost all the presents were in neat little piles, all that needed to be done was transfer them.

“I got here early….” she heard Kyoshi muttered. She wouldn’t look at Rangi at all. 

Rangi could feel her pulse race. Is it because of the song she sang? Is it true? Or is she just self-conscious because the kitchen staff had teased her? Questions began to fill Rangi’s mind once again.

“Yeah Rangi,” Yun laughed. “This is Kyoshi we’re talking about, how dare you question her skill of working fast and efficiently?”

Rangi turned on her heel to face the Avatar, glaring at him. He was throwing her under the bus in front of Kyoshi! Again! “D-don’t put words in my mouth! I simply thought due to the volume that came in, and the fact you are skipping training to be a distraction, she may not have gotten as far as she did.”

“Well, I left the kitchen as soon as possible and got to work, just like you wanted,” Kyoshi mumbled. 

Rangi looked back, and Kyoshi had a slight glower on her face. She could feel her palms getting sweaty. Had Rangi upset her? Had she been upset before Rangi arrived? More millions of questions flew through her mind. Too many, she didn’t know which ones to ask first.

Kyoshi looked back at them, eyes widened a little, and then scratched her nose in embarrassment. “Did I say something wrong?”

Rangi stared at Kyoshi, trying to read her but found it too difficult. She looked down at her feet in defeat.  “No… it’s just….” Do you like me? Do you hate me? Do I upset you? So many questions.

“I think Kyoshi’s just a little nervous,” Yun announced.

Was it because of the song? How did he know about it? Did gossip already spread? Wait, if he knows about it then-

“I just asked her to join the Fifth Nation signing and she agreed to go,” he continued calmly.

Rangi’s train of thought came to a crashing halt when she heard him finish his sentence. Kyoshi was…..coming with them? To the daofei meeting. Sweet, innocent, never seen combat before, Kyoshi. She was going to go to a possible battleground. A war. A maid who has never held a weapon in her life, and might have to fight to the death. Her Kyoshi.

Rangi turned on Yun, glaring at him with the heat of a thousand suns. “Wh-what?! What do you mean she’s going?!”

“I was going to tell you,” Yun smiled, putting his hands up in surrender. 

Rangi spluttered and looked between Yun and Kyoshi. Why wasn’t Kyoshi saying anything? Did he pressure her into it? Was she stupid?! Did she not realize how dangerous this was? 

“Have you lost your mind? The both of you? She’s not going!” Rangi couldn’t believe she had to say those words aloud.

“Are you going against your Avatar’s wishes?” Yun grinned at her, his tone was joking. He didn’t mean it. But it hit Rangi like she’d been run over by a komodo rhino. Because that’s exactly what she was doing. She was disobeying the Avatar, to keep the girl she was in love with from harm. “Calm down, it’ll be good to have her there.”

“Good for who?” Rangi groused. He was being selfish again, thinking only of himself and not Kyoshi’s well being. No she couldn’t assume that! He was the Avatar. The Avatar was always well meaning. Maybe he just….didn’t realize the risk? Yes, that’s what it was. She just needed to talk some sense into him!

She pressed a fist to her forehead and sighed. Then she glared at Yun and grabbed his sleeve. “We’re talking about this later. Right now, I’m taking you back to your training!”

She started to pull her charge towards the door.

“Gah! Rangi! Wait!” Yun bemoaned. 

Rangi practically threw the Avatar through the doorway in front of her, and then stopped with her hand on the doorframe. She looked back at Kyoshi. Kyoshi sat there with the same calm and beautiful, silent strength she knew the girl possessed. She didn’t want to see it destroyed by some daofei. She wanted her protected. She hated the idea of some dumb bullies harming the girl, but if that pirate laid a hand on her-!

Rangi gripped the doorframe slightly. She looked around the room, trying to find something for Kyoshi to do. “And you-! Clean-no. Just. Gah. Do whatever you were doing!”

Apparently she couldn’t find anything. So she just slammed the door behind her.

____________

Rangi was greeted by Kyoshi with a scream to the face. 

“I’m sorry,” Kyoshi gasped, looking sincerely apologetic. “You surprised me!”

Rangi began walking, indicating for Kyoshi to follow her. She would escort her to the next destination.

Rangi didn’t mind Kyoshi screaming like that, partially because it wasn’t the first time this had happened. In all honesty, Rangi brought it on herself, sometimes she was too stealthy……or Kyoshi was too absentminded. Another reason why she shouldn’t come.

Rangi seethed inside her head. Yun wasn’t listening to reason. He had it in his head that Kyoshi needed to come along. To remind him of the little people he was doing it all for. 

What a load of bull cow crap! He should be able to see that with the servants that work here every day! Or the villagers he sees when he sneaks a peak over the wall! He didn’t need to drag Kyoshi into it!

Kyoshi had already suffered enough growing up. At least, from what Aunti Mui had let slip to her about Kyoshi’s life before the mansion. Kyoshi didn’t need to be put into peril again, and she most certainly didn’t need to suffer an agonizing death at the hands of some daofei!

She just wanted Kyoshi to live a long and healthy life. But she couldn’t do that if she was dead!

Rangi looked up and realized they were somewhere in the garden. She didn’t notice how she got there, when they got there, nor cared. 

An idea passed through her head. If she couldn’t convince Yun, maybe she could convince Kyoshi.

“Kyoshi,” Rangi started, breaking the silence. She saw Kyoshi flinch out of the corner of her eye.

“Y-yes?” 

“You aren’t going,” Rangi said. Rangi tried to say it with a finality. Try to push Kyoshi into the same mindset as her. Whatever it would take to keep her safe.

Kyoshi sighed. “I don’t think I have a choice, Rangi. It’s a special request from the Avatar.”

Rangi stopped walking and turned to glare at Kyoshi. “Of course you have a choice! You just have to tell him you don’t want to! Just tell him ‘no,’ Kyoshi!”

Please, just for once. Don’t think of him. Don’t give in to him. Just tell him ‘no.’ Rangi sobbed internally. Lately, she couldn’t stop the thoughts she’d usually fought to ignore from bubbling to the surface. 

Kyoshi raised an eyebrow and gave her a joking smile. “And disobey the Avatar?”

Rangi stiffened. Yes. That’s exactly what she wanted. Every time she brought it up, it was another hit to her honor. Disobeying her honorbound duty. Each time she tried to find an excuse, to cover up her own horrid act and shame. “It’s not ‘disobeying’ if he gave you an option in the first place, right?”

“I don’t mind though,” Kyoshi said, smiling at Rangi. The same smile and expression she would make whenever she’d come home with dirty clothes and poorly covered bruises. When the other village teens had roughed her up or thrown mud and rocks at her. Rangi knew Kyoshi was lying, and it was making her sick to her stomach.

Kyoshi got closer to Rangi and whispered. “Plus he practically begged me. How could I say no?”

Rangi’s eyes widened. Is that it? Is that all? All Yun had to do was beg Kyoshi and he had her? A simple plea and she’d willingly give herself over?

Nausea started to take over and Rangi started feeling dizzy. It wasn’t fair. People took advantage of Kyoshi’s kind nature so often. And now she was marching herself to an executioner's block to unknowingly stroke Yun’s ego.

Rangi couldn’t have that. If she must, she’d stoop as low as those worms!

She saw Kyoshi had started walking and grabbed the girl by the arm, pulling her back.

“Then what about me, huh?” Rangi got in Kyoshi’s face. Her space. Trying to take up as much residency in Kyoshi’s being as possible. She only wanted the other girl to see her, only her, no one else. “What if I begged? What if I begged you not to come along? What would you do then?”

Would you afford me the same treatment as Yun? Would you give yourself to me too? Do I want you to? 

Rangi shook Kyoshi’s arm once and let her stoic mask crumple. She wanted Kyoshi to know how she truly felt. She wanted Kyoshi to realize someone cared about her. Wanted her to be safe. Not to run into danger because of some misguided duty. 

Rangi shook her arm again. “Please. Kyoshi, please don’t come with us,” she begged again. She’d beg as many times as it would take. 

Rangi watched as Kyoshi bit her lip and held the package she was holding tighter to her being. Recoiling from Rangi. 

She watched as Kyoshi went to form the words “I’m sorry” from her lips, before they got caught by the heat Rangi had started to form around them.

Rangi realized she couldn’t make Kyoshi do anything. Even Yun couldn’t make her do anything. Kyoshi was doing this because she chose to. Just like how she’d actively choose to not defend herself against her own bullies. 

Rangi was a fool, an idiot, to not see it before. Kyoshi had chosen and was doing what she wanted to do. In doing so, Rangi realized Kyoshi had also chosen Yun over her.

Rangi grimaced and released Kyoshi. “Forget it,” she said in defeat, as she walked away. If she couldn’t stop Kyoshi from going with them, then she’d need to find a way to protect her.

_____

A/N:Me: Rangi’s side is more serious! You need to treat it more seriously!Also me: Ok she’s kind of a loser, gotcha. TT0TT

 I love high blood pressure!Rangi, I love gremlin!Rangi. But lovesick!Rangi? Hmmm yes! *throws all three in a blender to mix them up* uwu

[lollytea]

in regards to that text post you tagged as hunlow followed by "listen to me". i have a chair. i am sitting down. i'm listening if you want to explain.

Waaah I am all jumbled up so this is not gonna be very eloquent but lemme do a little word vomit here.

Anyway. The poem 'Yes & No' by Natalie Wee and the complete huntlow overload it gives me every time I read it.

It works from both their perspectives on how they view the other person. Those parallels do be paralleling. I might blabber about it from Hunter's POV....another day. But because the poem is written by a woman and refers to a 'Him' lets focus on Willow's side of things. It's the side that gives me the most brainrot anyway. I really do love a good subversion. A girl who thinks she is too monstrous for a boy whom she views as too gentle.

I think very often about Willow's relationship with her own powers. The show went somewhat into depth about how being 'Half a Witch' destroyed her confidence. The part of her that could not excel at anything that wasn't plant-centric. There's nothing particularly complex about her feelings of inferiority. It's very easy to understand. She's Mildred Hubble coded.

HOWEVER it's also shown in her debut episode that Willow losing control of her emotions can lead to big destructive outbursts. This is the part that was touched on as a conflict in For the Future, but was never really explored at length.

This ability of hers is extremely dangerous. She can severely hurt both herself and the people around her. Surely, that must be a frightening reality for a little girl to live with.

I wonder when these outbursts first started. I wonder if that incident in the detention pit was the first time her own magic nearly killed her. I wonder if something happened on the day of Amity's birthday party when little Willow felt like she had lost everything. I wonder a lot of things. But mostly I wonder how being like this since she was young has effected Willow's mindset, her behaviour and her complexes. What does she think of herself? Is she afraid of what she's capable of? Is she afraid of her own emotions?

Anyway, with that in mind. Here is the poem. Beat by beat.

reasons to not kiss him:

1. you weren’t raised to love tender.

Willow was born and raised to be a sweet gentle girl with a soft spot for plants. She's silly and lighthearted yet mature for her age and tries to remain rational in irrational situations. She allows hugs from Gus and she allows Luz's touchy affection and cooing over how cute she is.

But by "love tender", I interpret it as Willow not knowing how to love and be loved in a way that puts her in a vulnerable position. The bleeding open wound kind of love. She's already been thrown away once in her life like she's something disposable so she has decided that it will inevitably happen again. Willow has already braced herself for Luz and Gus finding other friends and leaving her behind. She's loved them so sweetly this whole time but she's always been keeping them at arm's length, scared to pour too much of her heart into their hands. She's simply savouring the time she has with them until they drift away.

But Hunter is a different story. There is something about him that demands she love tender. And it's terrifying that she feels the pressure to do so. And it's even more terrifying that she so badly wants to.

2. when he’s around all you do is tremble. when he’s around you want to get on your knees. look how much power he has over you. it’s dangerous.

Willow is a girl who has been carelessly discarded like her feelings meant nothing, made to feel like she was a waste of an existence and who is also deathly afraid of herself and the unstable magical battery pulsing inside of her. This results in having to lock up her more reckless emotions in order to keep everyone safe, but also to protect her own heart. She's gotten good at it. And she's also now perceived as an iron clad witch who cannot be weakened.

But the presence of Hunter reveals something very concerning. She can be weakened. His smile and his voice and his entire disposition is a breach of the barriers she has spent years building. He is capable of puncturing her clean through. And the part that makes her lips tighetn is that he's not even aware of it.

It doesn't sound so foreboding on the surface. So what if he can make her smile until she can't stop smiling? So what if he can make her laugh until she's breathless? But then she'd have to regain herself and realize that as harmless as that is, it's a result of her losing control of her emotions. Which she rarely does anymore. And it's all because of him with his soft eyes and his kind smile and his shy adoration for her.

And if he can do that, he can do far worse to her. That's the scary part.

3. he’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence.

4. you know what they say about monsters. you know what happens to the boys who love them. are you going to do that to him?

5. your hands don’t know how to be gentle. think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. the fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. you wolf-boy, you war machine. you wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.

Willow is not stupid. She's not unobservant. Hunter did not need to stay a word for her to realize that he is a boy who has been wronged by someone who he loved with his whole aching heart. He has been hurt in a way that will leave his heart aching forever and ever.

But it's a sharp sting to know that in spite of that, he continues to fall deeply in love with every person who shows him compassion. Nothing can burn out his warm glow. He loves and he loves until he's sick with the stuff. And Willow doesn't know how he does it, but his glow is so nice to graze in. Once you get too close to him, you don't want to leave.

When Willow hugs him, his fingers tentatively twist into the sleeves of her cardigan. She sees how he looks at her and she knows he'd like nothing more than to squeeze her tight and drown in her.

He's in love with Willow the way he's in love with everything and she desperately wants to give him everything.

She wants to place her hands on his cheeks and watch as she melts into her palms, finally satiated after all he had been starving for.

She wants to fall in love with him.

But she can't. Because she knows he'd fall in love with her too.

And then eventually, she would hurt him. Like he had been hurt before.

She can't trust herself to not hurt him.

And in the aftermath of the hurt, she would cry herself hoarse with ragged apologies.

And because she was kind and because he knows she didn't mean to hurt him, he would squeeze her tight and say "It's okay."

Then she'd hurt him again.

"It's okay."

And again.

"It's okay."

A painful cycle that spins until there's barely of him left.

And Willow is scared that by that point that she'll be too weak for his soft eyes to ever let him go.

She doesn't know what will become of her.

She doesn't want to find out.

So to stay on the safe side, they will never begin.

6. if you hurt him it might kill you

7. if you hurt him you might kill yourself.

8. you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you’d fail to give up. he’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.

Willow has analyzed the situation and she's come to the conclusion that if she allowed this sweet boy entry to her briar n' bramble guarded heart, they'd bend to his will, clearing a path to the delicate structure. And once he holds it in his hands, he'll leave his fingerprints all over it.

This is the damage she's talking about.

The damage he can do to her.

9. you still aren’t sure he isn’t a dream.

10. if you kiss him, you might wake up.

You would think, with all this lamenting Willow does over Hunter's existence, that he's making her miserable.

Far from it.

She's reluctant to admit it, even to herself, but she's already addicted to whatever it is that he's emanating. Like a flower stretching towards the sunlight.

Sometimes he doesn't feel feel.

Typical of an overthinker to not believe that could be as wonderful as it seems.

In an ideal world, they could both make each other happy.

If she doesn't ruin everything.

Mistletoe kisses. Parasitic in nature.

What if she leeches all the light left in him?

What if a kiss is her wakeup call?

reasons to kiss him:

1. because he’s beautiful.

He's so beautiful.

2. because he asked.

He's begging. He's begging every time he looks at her. He certainly doesn't mean to. Nor does he know that he's doing it. But somehow, without saying a word, he has crumbled to his knees begging for her to pour of a little of her heart into his lips to warm his blood.

He wants her to love tender and be loved raw. And he wants to do the same.

And if she said no, he would simply reply "that's okay."

But she doesn't want to say no.

She wants to give him everything.

That's the problem.

And even worse....she is pretty sure she is about to crack.

She will give him everything.

Because...

3. because he preceded please with, i’m not afraid of you.

[eurydicees]

in need of fanfic/book recs from ya <3

ooooooh okay idk what genre of book or fandom/ship fic you want so here are my general recent favorites! i'm not gonna give a summary, just a small note/review with my thoughts, so ur gonna have to google the books and click the ao3 links--my apologies but this post was getting way too long lmfao

real life books!

gideon the ninth / the locked tomb series by tamsyn muir: i'm really working my way through this series and i loooooove it. the characters make me crazy and every turn in the plot has me screaming a little. there's been a lot of deranged texts to irls about this one.

under the whispering door by t.j. klune: this book DID make me cry. it's a really well woven story about love for your family and your friends and death and finding satisfaction and fulfillment in life (and death) and moving forward. HIGHLY recommend his other book (the house on the cerulean sea) as well!! i read that one first and it's a really gorgeous, satsifying read.

the shell collector by anthony doerr: this is a short story collection technically but i loooooove it. each story individually is really beautifully done and i absolutely LOVE his writing style. i think i take a lot of inspiration from him for my own writing!

on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong: top books that, like, make yourself feel seen. another author/poet that i feel i can attribute a lot of inspiration for my style and love of words to in general.

sharks in the rivers by ada limón: poetry collection! but one of my all time favorite poetry collections and i can't let this go unnamed. i absolutely ADORE ada limón (you may know her from "the great blue heron of dunbar road" or "instructions on not giving up", which floats around tumblr pretty regularly). i think i first read this collection for class but it genuinely changed something in me. i actually have a tattoo based on these poems <3

post-colonial love poem by natalie diaz: another poetry collection but this one, like, fucked me up. it's woven together as a collection in an absolutely breathtaking way, but each poem also stands alone really beautifully.

fics - haikyuu!!

a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam by swampdragons (iwaoi, 6911 words): i read this a bit ago and really loved it, though it was also really emotionally difficult for me to personally get through--one of those fics that really drives the emotions home so deeply that it hurts to keep going. part of that might just be my own personal connection to the topic. idk. but either way it's ABSOLUTELY worth it.

The Benefits of Patience by Moami (iwaoi, 3363 words): this one's silly and funny and so much more lighthearted than the prev rec lmfao. it's like. healthy but messy but established but not established but a real relationship but an almost relationship to be iwaoi <3333

The Way He Looks At You by roobtheboob (iwaoi, 3805 words): i think i read too much iwaoi. but this one's really cute i PROMISE. i like the kyoutani POV idea a lot and i think the way kyoutani is written overall is really well done, particularly in the team dynamic and his respect for iwaizumi.

The years shall run like rabbits by ladyoflalaland (ushiten, 7292 words): obsessed w this fic. ushijima's mother is written out to be a REALLY interesting character and her strained relationship with ushijima is fascinating. the passage of time of it all......man.

fics - other fandoms

"Normal" by OnigiriCat4Ever (fruits basket, kyohru, 7140 words): this one's a really cute post-canon character study of sorts and i really love it. i love how the 7yo hajime is written and his relationship with kyo is really sweet.

The act of loving in return by kindokja (bllk, ryusae, 2809 words): this one's both funny and heartwrenching and sweet and painful all at once. beautiful, necessary mix in a fic. i like it a lot.

turn your face (towards the sun) by youareoldfatherwilliam (atla, gen, 5813 words): im normal about fics abt the chit sang and the 41st, in case u were curious!

that's all i got for now? i literally just went through my most recent bookmarks and cherry picked some special highlights lol. feel free to let me know if you want anything more specific!!!!! u already know i loooooove giving recommendations<3

[tuulikannel]

That poll I reblogged, about having another name than your birth name, led me to think about my online nick... I can't remember for sure when it was, but I think it might have been around the year 2000 when I discovered fanfiction.net and started reading fanfics. And then I figured I should come up with some consistent nick to sign my (anon) reviews.

I've never really had any nicknames, so at first I didn't have a clue what to use. Then I thought that maybe something from Finnish mythology would be nice, and in the end ended up with Tuulikki. Tuuli means wind, -kki is an ancient ending for female names. It was also my mother's middle name, and I think this was relatively soon after her death (which means it'd have been in 2001). That made the choice pretty obvious to me.

Honestly, back then I had no idea I was picking a name I'd be using for years to come, everywhere online. ^^; I just wanted something with which to sign my reviews... After a while I dropped off the -kki ending (Tuulikki is very prone to being misspelled by non-Finns, I noticed ^^;;) and so I ended up with Tuuli. As both Tuuli and Tuulikki are often taken, I sometimes use other variations, like tuuli-chan (heh) back in the old days of LJ, or tuulikannel (wind harp) here on tumblr. That latter one's fitting also in the sense that I play kannel (or kantele as it's more commonly called. A Finnish traditional instrument.) Sometimes I've also used tuulentupa which literally means wind's cottage and figuratively, castle in the air. (We're not that fancy here, we just have cottages, no castles XD)

Another reason I like the name tuulikannel is that there is a poem by Eino Leino by that name. It made a great impact on me when I first read it, and only way later I've fully understood why. I did see myself in it. I have no idea what the poem really is about, but the beauty of poetry is that you can have your own interpretation... and I see someone aroace in it. But I think I'll put the rest of my poetry analysis behind a cut, cause I feel like I'm really going off on a tangent here, I was just gonna make a short post about my username... XD

Here's the first verse of that poem, in original Finnish followed by my extremely literal, not-even-attempting-to-rhyme translation:

Muut sydämen saivat, ma kantelen, muut murehti, nautti, ma en, ma en, en kurja ma elää, en kuolla voi, kun sykä ei syömeni, soi, vaan soi!

Others got a heart, I, a harp, others sorrowed, enjoyed, but not me, I, poor wretch, cannot live, nor die, as my heart doesn't beat, it only rings!

This makes me so strongly think about that comic about an aroace girl whose heart is blue, not red like everyone else's. (This one.) That feeling that there's something wrong with your heart - with you - when you can't feel what others feel. That feeling of being different, and the loneliness it brings.

Third verse (it's a longish poem, I'm not going to go through it all)

Mun syömeni tuulikannel on, sen kielissä laulu on lakkaamaton, se yössä, päivässä, yksinään soi ilmahan ijäti väräjävään.

My heart is a harp of the wind, in its strings an unending song, in the day, in the night, all alone, it echoes in the shivering air.

From the aroace pov, this is interesting to me. There is a song in the heart, but it sings it alone. Should the heart have a rhythm then, rather than a melody? A rhythm it could share with someone (two hearts beating as one...) But why is rhythm more important than melody? Or is the problem the loneliness of the heart? Perhaps the heart is longing for another one to join the song. Or perhaps it has simply been conditioned to feel that way, by the surrounding society. A lonely heart isn't a good thing, we all know that, right? And if you're alone, you got to be lonely! But surely the song of a single heart can be beautiful, too.

Jumping to the end of the poem, now:

Kiro katkera, julmuus jumalien: Itse orja, ma vapautta veisailen, itse lemmetön, lemmestä laulan ma, itse tunnoton, viritän tunteita!

A bitter curse, the cruelty of gods: I, a slave, hum freedom, I, loveless, sing about love, I, unfeeling, evoke emotions!

This ending. I've always felt it pretty strongly. Sure, I don't write much romance, but it does exist in my stories too. Yet it is something I personally know nothing about, and never will. I would not call this a bitter curse, though, but I do understand that view. Again, I'm think of that girl in the comic... I can understand how this could feel like a curse to some.

I first used tuulikannel for my writing journal on livejournal, and this poem was pretty much the reason why. It felt so perfect, back then. I do connect to it now, too, but I would like to give the poet a hug. ^^ Let your heart sing its songs! I do rather have a kantele as my heart than a drum, anyway. ^^

[someabsolutenonsense]

I have been writing papers for days and have no eloquent bones left in my body, but nobody I know has read Nona so…woe, unhinged rant be upon ye.

Okay this isn’t really deep analysis I mean its fairly obvious but if I don’t get this out of my brain I will absolutely lose it. I’ve been thinking about the significance of Alecto/The Body/Earth???/Vengeful Space Barbie as connected to the poem Annabel Lee. So first of all…

“And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

In this kingdom by the sea.”

Like this is right there. Literally it’s a tomb with salt water. It’s right there.

“And neither the angels in Heaven above

Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee”

This is John and his whole lyctor connection to her, because even though he is the one who locked her away he still feels connected to her. (John Gaius is so twisted, if I am understanding things right then not only did he destroy the earth but he trapped the earth’s ghost TWICE. Once in a giant living Barbie body and then again in the tomb. He’s so weirdly possessive like “no this is my planet ghost Barbie, I love her but also she’s horrifying so I’m gonna put her in a box forever but she’s still mine, cool?” Not cool, Jod. Not cool.) SO THEN

“And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea—

In her tomb by the sounding sea.”

This is very Harrow ending up in the tomb at the end of the second book, with all of her worship of The Body. And all of the themes of the sea throughout Nona and all of the themes of the sea throughout this poem. And the way John puts Alecto on a pedestal is similar to the way Annabel Lee is framed in the poem. And of course keep in mind that John chose to call her this, he chose this poem, he damn well knows what he’s doing here at least to a certain extent. And also themes of beautiful dead girls we can’t forget about that. AND ALSO THIS SHIT

“It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me. “

Because it WAS many and many a year ago because John and the original lyctors are fucking ancient, kingdom by the sea is earth because our planet is covered in oceans (as reflected also in the way Nona gravitated towards the sea, she longs for it CAUSE SHE’S LITERALLY A FUCKING PLANET) but most insidious of all, and framing this as from John’s pov, is the “lived with no other thought/Than to love and be loved by me.” Because that was the goal, wasn’t it? Not even just about Alecto, with all of his lyctors. John Gaius said “none of you need to remember The Past, or all the terrible shit that happened. Just love me as your God and everything will be chill. Don’t think about it too hard.” But Alecto (a literal fucking planet, not to bring that up again) was Different TM, whiiiich brings us to…

“But we loved with a love that was more than love—

I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven

Coveted her and me. “

The winged seraphs of heaven of course are the other lyctors because even if they didn’t know it yet they DID want what John and Alecto had. You know, perfect lyctorhood where you don’t have to kill someone you love. And that’s the love that was more than love, and John never stopped loving her even though he permanently locked her in a tomb, CAUSE HE’S FUCKING TWISTED and I personally think everyone who wants to should get to kill Jod at least once but I’m glad Alecto got to stab him that one time. Anyway, I am very normal about this.

Also just one more thing

Edgar Allan Poe:

“That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.”

Gideon Nav:

“Do you really have the hots for some chilly weirdo in a coffin?”

[shuffleoflove]

i was looking through my notes app and found some notes i wrote while reading edge of great (the jatp novelisation) in feburary 2021 so i thought i'd post them bc i miss the time when i was so obsessed with jatp i could quote large parts of it from memory:

okay it's thicker than i expected this is a good start

multiple povs?! oh my god yesyesyes

i've read one page and I'm already loving it because i was expecting it to just be a retelling of the action with barely any insight to characters thoughts other than "i was feeling sad :(" but it's giving so much more than that

luke says sunset curve were all "vibing" shdhfnd

the dialogue is slightly different in some places but honestly i don't hate it

a pink flower in a vase next to rose?? the dahlia symbolism is here already people

bobby is a cheesy hopeless romantic confirmed

[luke about trying to be modest] "it was a new look for me, i'll admit." avdhfdhdhd

alex interrupts reggie trying to flirt with rose avdbfjdd i'm loving the new dialogue

THE HOT DOG CART IS BASICALLY CALLED SALMONELLA I-

luke makes a joke about staving to death oh god the dramatic irony

julie's literal first words are "my best friend flynn is amazing" 🥺🥺

JULIE SAID FLYNN WAS HER OTHER HALF 🥺🥺😭

loz feliz performing arts high school??

julie calls carrie cute?? girl-

i've been spelling dirty candi as "dirty candy" this whole time. whoops.

trevor has literal platinum records but the thing julie decides to point out is that one of his songs was in a car advert shdjdjfjf

nooo they took out flynn shouting demon at carrie

julie mentions flynn and how amazing she is at nearly every given opportunity

"flynn and i were always straight with each other" this is meant to a dramatic moment but i'm laughing at this ahdjdnem

julie is a writer!! not just of lyrics/poems, she writes other stuff too!!

she describes the garage as being full of ghosts when referring to memories of her mum... i'm living for all the dramatic irony

ahh julie and ray are speaking in spanish to each other so much more than they did the show

the teacup and spoon rose had been using before she died were still there 🥺

julie says that she felt like her mum was telling her to play the cd ahhh

the first thing she says about the guys is that they're cute JULIE AHDJFK

wavy hair reggie yesss

julie says oh my god instead of oh my gosh

julie doesn't know luke's name so she's calling him floppy acdjfjrks

her reasoning for letting the guys stay in the garage was because she thought it was what rose would've done 🥺🥺

ALEX'S POV HELL YEAH

they took out reggie losing his shirt this is so sad 😔

[alex about julie playing wake up] "i couldn't remember the last time I felt so moved by music that wasn't actually my own."

okay i get why they changed povs but i kind of wish we'd gotten julie's pov while she played wake up

the first episode took up about 1/5 of the book jesus-

they skipped the bit about the only thing scarier than one girl crying being two girls crying 😔

flynn: "instagram" alex: "what-stagram?"

flynn hugs julie after she tells her about playing music again awwww

noo they cut out the scene where ray comes in to the studio ffs stop cutting scenes please

alex: "it tingles in weird places" alex, literally one line later: "well, it did."

according to alex the other describe him as "warm and fuzzy"

also so far everyone's pov has called luke out for being too cheesy

reggie: "i'm gonna guess death breath"

alex is now describing luke as the puppy reggie never had

alex calling luke and reggie his family 🥺😭

when julie went into her room and found the guys messing around she was on her way to text flynn 🥺 this book just makes me love their friendship so much more

reggie is described as having "a mop of hair" god i wish 😔

dahlia symbolism count: 3. so far it's been a vase next to rose, the curtains in the studio, and the flowers in julie's picture of her

luke: "our instruments are attached to our souls." reggie: "and sometimes our belts."

okay so the book confirms that julie found therapy helpful but she just didn't want to go back because she thought others would see her as fragile, which imo is a lot better than in the show when she just seemed like she hated it

they merged alex asking if julie got back into music with luke showing her bright which i get because if they kept everything in the book would be pretty long but... idk i kinda liked how it was just julie and luke when he showed her bright

julie describes the wow performance as being like a superbowl half-time show

list of celebs who've been name-dropped so far: weezer, the smashing pumpkins, katy perry, and harry styles

julie wanted to kiss kayla?!? wlw julie confirmed

YES TIME FOR REGGIE'S POV

reggie's internal dialogue is using way more words than necessary and as an autistic person I relate to that so i'm gonna use this as proof reggie is autistic 😙✌

reggie says how little julie's smiled since they met and is now describing her smile in detail 🥺🥺

me, seeing that reggie's pov is already over: :(

me seeing that it's alex's pov and he's about to meet willie: :D

avxhfjfldnd alex was so mesmerised by how beautiful willie was he forgot to speak 😭😭

damn they took out willie asking alex if he's into guys if he wanted a picture with fake marilyn monroe (they changed it to spider-man)

y'all willie gave alex a hip bump I'm dying over here

"wait, how can i see you again?" god this is killing me i love them 😭🥺

"even if you don't have questions" willie is hardcore flirting and i respect that

"i liked the sound of that" god it's been a few minutes and alex is already whipped agshdndm

dahlia reference number 4 (this time it's a mug)

instead of calling julie "insanely talented" luke calls her "annoyingly talented"

julie canonically uses the word "bonkers" and idk why i love that so much

ahhh i'm already halfway through the book and it's still episode 3

FLYNN'S POV OH MY GOD YES YES YES

i'll look at the pictures first though

okay now onto flynn's pov

maybe this is just me, but why does everyone say "mother" instead of "mom" all the time? it seems weirdly formal but whatever

flynn calls flying solo "our song" (meaning her and julie's) 🥺

svdbfjff whenever alex went to meet willie he just said he was going for a walk

wait, walks? plural?! alex and willie had more interactions and we didn't get to see them?! livid 😤

willie wanted to show alex the museum because it was one of his favourite places... god I'm soft

"i would've followed willie just about anywhere" stoppp this is too much for me 😭🤧

"together. i liked the sound of that." awwefdhehrhe

alex's catchphrase seems to be "I liked the sound of that" rather than "okay"

"so close that I could feel his breath" why did I think they were gonna kiss 💀💀

willie: "feels good, right?" alex: "yeah, it does." alex, in his head: "i was talking about the screaming, but i was talking about being here, now, with willie, too." oh god oh fuck-

"wagging an eyebrow" girl why is that worded so weird 😭💀

nah there's no way luke doesn't know what a sample is

yess we're back to luke's pov 😎

the book confirms that it was luke who wrote "hi bobby" on the mirror but i still refuse to believe it because of the one tumblr post i saw comparing all the boys handwriting and saying it was reggie (also the writing it too neat to be luke's 😌)

they cut the entire julie-sneaks-around-while-flynn-distracts-carrie bit 😔 (and also the guys mooning trevor)

"and the truth was, [julie] was becoming important to me. i hated to let her down." awwww 🥺🥺

sbdjfkfl reggie called the hgc creepy and alex got defensive because it "was willie's place"

when luke said they were "overdressed" they all tucked their shirts in

ffs not the eyebrow wagging again (this time from flynn)

so julie considers carrie as her frenemy and not an actual enemy... inch resting...

"the awkward "joke" just sat in the air like dead fish" abdhfjf what are these metaphors

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WILLIE'S POV?!?! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT HOLY FUCK AHHHHH

awww when alex asked about the lifers being "sworn to secrecy" willie wanted to telm him about caleb owning everyone at the hgc's souls but he couldn't 🥺🥺 if I catch anyone posting willie slander it's on sight 🥊😠🥊

OKAY WHAT I'M LIVID - they reduced the whole "do this forever"/"there's a lot to like here" thing to just the dialogue. literally no mentions of the lingering glances or luke's "you got a crush on willie". fucking disgraceful. i hate it here.

THERE - WE LITERALLY HAVE PROOF THAT WILLIE DIDN'T KNOW CALEB WANTED THE GUYS TO JOIN HE HGC WILLIE ANTIS CAN GO HOME NOW

willie watched the guys getting stamped and said it felt like his stomach was filling with lead SEE I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY WILLIE SLANDER IN THIS HOUSE

willie noticed alex looking into the crowd before leaving and wondered if he was looking for him... do tell me willie who else could he possibly be looking for

"alex said, looking stressed (then again, when did alex look not stressed?)" avshdnfmfr

julie describes nick's voice as "soft" and "graveled"

apparently julie has had a crush on nick since kindergarten, and in kindergarten nick cried because he couldn't get the lid off of his glue stick

luke says that knowing he let julie down at the dance hurt more than caleb's jolts 🥺🥺

the boys' little "sorry" song has it's lyrics written the same way the other songs, the ones actually in the soundtrack, do. tell me jatp why the sorry song isn't on the soundtrack right now 🔫😠

literally no mention of alex's dancing what in the homophobia

according to julie, finally free is about the power of connecting through music, but i still choose to believe it's a gay anthem about coming out

when julie saw her dad cooking breakfast and humming finally free she "almost died from how cute it was"

wait i just realised throughout this whole book there's been barely any mentions of julie and luke sharing the mic, and nothing about luke and reggie sharing either, and julie waking through luke in bright was just ignored. disgusting.

julie canonically thinks ray is the best dad ever 🥺🥺

that being said I'm pissed the book cut reggie from this scene

julie describes herself as being "charmed" by luke being nervous jskdkkdhs

flynn's pov again babey 😎

lmao nevermind the chapter was two pages long

also the whole perfect harmony sequence is just cut and all we hear is julie mention it to flynn... bruh

reggie and alex both see how hard luke is simping for julie and just give each other shit-eating grins whenever he mentions her dgehdjdj

when willie tells alex he can't explain why he's spying on him alex says "and to think i had felt there had maybe been something between us" fuckk

alex wondered if willie had ever had feelings for him or if he was playing him the whole time 🥺😭 bby nooo

they cut girls amirite... no one talk to me...

y'all... i think, other from julie, alex has had the most pov chapters... interesting...

the boys were literally so distressed about flynn eating pizza when they could smell it and not eat it and said they'd die of deprivation sgdhdjfkd

alex: *was choking back a sob*

willie: *was choking back a sob*

me: *was also choking back a sob*

😃 wtf... when willie says he cares about alex and hates that he brought them all into this mess, alex snaps at him... bro wtf that is not what happened and doesn't fit in with what alex was feeling in that moment at all... fuck this book

julie hugs flynn in the book at lot more than in the show so maybe it does have rights after all...

they've made a "face the music" pun at least 5 times so far in this book

wait - luke says that julie played his parents unsaid emily implying she sang it?? yo...

"but there was nothing I could say, nothing I could do, to make things better. so instead, I watched her go." why does that line hit so hard

"i pulled him in for a quick hug" lmao girl no

I JUST REALISED they cut the "i would've still followed you" scene 😭 the homophobia of it all 💀💀

'"i won't forget you," he said before spoofing out. Me either.' god don't do this to me today 🥺🥺

"with my smoothest dance move" now THAT'S the alex i know and love

the promoter and his assistant have names now: frank and tasha

the book's nearly over and i just realised there were barely any reggie pov chapters 🥺 not only is he my comfort character i also really liked his internal dialogue... oh well 😔

they really let there be spelling mistakes in this book smh

"who knew sunset boulevard smelled like cat pee and old takeout containers? not very glamorous, given that this was my hollywood rockstar dream."

"the music filling me like air - like joy" god I love that line

julie feels the need to point out how good luke looks in his tuxedo avdhdndmd

"i'm gonna miss you." "not as much as we're gonna miss you." oh god oh fuck-

wait THEY GRABBED HANDS ON STAGE??! AM I MISSING SOMETHING!?!?

"are you real?" "we were always real. But now... maybe... we're here?"

okay so i finished it and it was fun to read overall but i felt like past episode 3 was very rushed and condensed (makes sense since episode 3 finished past the half-way point of the book) and it stopped being as well written (barely any internal dialogue and descriptors), and some moments were mischaracterised heavily (including a lot of the willex) and juke just didn't seem developed at all. also i wish reggie had gotten more pov chapters since he's, y'know, a main character. i'm pretty sure he got, like, 2 :( also a lot of the music scenes lacked emotion but since this is an adaptation of something with music without music i'll let it slide. it was still nice to read either way.

[askandsmile]

Thoughts on 7.02 and Varchie? I am positive and I know BA reviewers on twitter are claiming VA are now dead and Archie's done with her and I am like did we watch the same episode, no? They are still very much alive!

POSITIVE THOUGHTS.

okay, one thing. they set up the triangle. that very much happened. the ba scenes weren't meaningless, although one-sided in pov (only betty had a pov, shocker lol), they weren't completely one-sided. that's clear and it doesn't hurt me to admit it.

HOWEVER! varchie had the story flowing. many people were upset with veronica being "villainized" but i thought the writing was on point for her. this veronica isn't a reformed mean girl. she hasn't gone through her s1 events that made her want to change then. so, here, i guess the catalyst for her starting to change and get in touch with her real self is archie. and they are on pause, sure, given all the mix and match that's gonna happen this season, but the seeds are planted for them to get back there once veronica is ready for something real. and you could see she wanted him, she was just trying to protect him and herself at the end.

nothing about the episode upset me or made me think varchie is over. in fact, i didn't expect archie to go so hard for her. he had the right to feel like crap but he didn't blame her, different from his mom and herself, and he was willing to give them one more shot. THE POEM? she awakened his "poet soul" as betty put it. shazam!

also yeah, he "rejected" her attempt to do over, but to dance with his mom? and he was right too, tbh. i didn't mind that.

overall, i liked the episode, it was well written and i really think it gave us a better shot than i thought we'd have. ofc you never know with the rvd writers, veronica is gonna kiss jughead soon, archie cheryl etc, betty is into archie now, but as far as varchie is concerned im pretty sure there's more to come.

also, pls at the ba screeners. setting their own fandom up like that.

[cr3zynotf0und]

I feel like the collage introduction from weeks ago wasn't enough, so let me PROPERLY introduce myself

(and if you don't care, don't feel bad. I wouldn't care much either.)

HIII!

I'm Amariah!

(I bet 20 dollars you're gonna pronounce that wrong, but it's ok! :D people have been doing that my whole life.)

I'm a she/her, and straight, so yeh (I'm boring.)

I am trying to make seperate tiktok account for my interests at the moment (because my personal one has all my friends following it, they can't know all my embarrassing things 😒)

My favorite animal is a flamingo, and if there is an item for it, I will have it. I'm like that one pov person (autumn, was her name???) That has stitch stuff 😀

I will use uwu, but not in a cringe way, I just use that as a replacement for awkward silence.

My common interests are newsies and ride the cyclone, i am always down to talk about it because I have never met someone in the real world that has actually watched any of those.

I have over 50 OCs from the last time I have counted and they are all split into worlds, they don't make sense, they never will, get over it. (I am NOT proud.)

I have a toxic friend who doesn't know she's toxic, if you ask for tea on her, I will GIVE YOU IT 🍵

I love art and am trying to improve my art style, so yeah. Just thought I would let you know.

I love musical theatre and am always willing to talk about any of the shows, and I can give you a full list of shows I have seen (sadly, most of them I've only seen slime tutorials of on youtube.)

I like poetry, but all my poems are too awkward to share, so we're going to limit posting that :v

I like scrapbooking. Don't test my limits.

I am a mess. Don't judge, I am trying to keep clean, you know how hard that is.

I don't think Dhar Mann is nice in any way, but I do find his videos entertaining. SLAY

I claim Albert, Finch, and Davey. AND 92SIES CRUTCHIE HAHA

ALRIGHT ILL STOP NOW

[royal1asset-if]

Snippet Update 4

Hello my readers. 2 left to go before I can finish this journey. So the next that will be featured is. I have so fun writing this part especially in the showdown part. I think by tomorrow I can finished the remaining 2 so stay tuned for them. Enjoy ;)

(Note: I did not make the poems here and I want to give credit to their respective authors.)

"Serena Fairclough A.K.A The Cunning Fox"

Serena Fairclough Snippet

MC's POV

This high up, you can feel the chilling air enveloping you, the smell of the humid air going through your nostrils.

"Let's meet at our favorite place." her voice echoing in your mind.

Now here you are, freezing your ass in the rooftops.

Wrapping yourself with your shawl and hugging yourself tightly, did not bring you any comfort. The cold in Devontae can be harsh, but damn this time it's much more worse.

"Where the hell is she?" you say frustrated.

Scanning your surroundings and hoping to find a person approaching your location.

Looking around and seeing no trace of her, you started to doubt and forfeit this endeavor of yours. Turning around one last time, hoping that she will appear this last minute.

No one still appearing, you started to walk towards the rooftop doors and that when you hear a familiar voice speak up.

"Leaving so soon my darling?" the voice asked playfully. Smiling and turning around, you see her lying on the edge of the roof top with her head resting on her hand.

"Tsk tsk tsk, your late love I thought that you will not show up!." you say with edge in your tone and shaking your head.

Rising from her position and walking towards you, swaying her hip playfully. "Oh ye of little faith." she says.

"Can you blame me? Who knows maybe you are cassorting with somebody else!" you say casually and shrugging your shoulders.

Winking her eyes playfully at you and with one quick motion of her hand, you see her produce a red rose.

"Is that the green eyed monster whispering it's lies in your head, my love." she says and brandishing her red rose in the air.

"For you my love" she says and twirling the rose in front of your face.

Serena's POV

(Flashback)

You know that your late, very late indeed. Seeing a mark was to great for you too ignore, that pompous and arrogant noble.

While making your way towards to the rendezvous point, you see a kid pick pocketing a noble, you stopped in your tracks and observe the kid.

Watching them reminds you of your youth, stealing food to survive and getting shunned by the higher class in the hierarchy.

Looking at the noble, you can see that they are distracted perusing the wares of the merchant, not knowing that they are being pick pocketed right now.

But you know that the kid's form is poor and that the way they maneuver their hands in pocket is to strong.

After making your assessment, just in cue the noble noticed the kid, their hands still in his pocket.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING? the noble shouts furiously, gaining the attention of everyone. The kid fish their hand out from the pocket and started to make a run for it, but the noble seize their arm and holding it in a iron grip.

The kid squirming and pleading for their life. "Please sir, I'm just hungry." the kid says.

"That's no excuse for you, to steal brat! the noble say fuming and raising their hand.

You know they are gonna slap the kid, you started running and placed yourself between the two of them.

"Woah, Woah hold on!" you say, hands in a placating manner.

"Oh thank the heavens, a Asset!" the noble says in relief. Putting your hands down and addressing them.

"What's going on here?" you ask, feigning ignorance.

"Well, this child tried to steal from me, asset." the noble says and pointing at the kid.

Looking at the kid with pity. "Tsk, tsk, do you know that stealing is crime and punishable by staying in the dungeon for one night, young one? you say to them.

The child looked at you with horror.

"Please, Fox Asset, I'm just really hungry." they say pleadingly.

Looking at them and winking at them, you see them act even more, realizing that your on their side. "No can do little one, rules are rules" you say wistfully.

Sauntering towards the kid and taking custody of them.

"No no, how can you do this? your supposed to be the good guy." the kid says and punching you weakly.

This seals the deal as the nobles speak up. "Serves you right brat."

Hearing this, your free hand balls into fist in anger and the fiber of your every being yearns to punched the noble in the face.

"How dare he?, you just been born into the good life, what do you know about rummaging through scraps, just to fill your stomach. you say in your mind.

"Asset? Asset? you hear a voice calling your title, snapping you out of your thougths.

"I just want to thank you for, delivering this vrat to justice, so as thanks I want you to have this. the noble syas and handing you a pouch filled with gold.

Grabbing it and feeling the weight of gold inside and hearing the jiggle of coins.

"Thank you, for your generosity." you say and approaching them and raising your hand for them to shake it.

Tripping yourself purposely and landing on their chest, you quickly put your hand in their pocket and maneuvering it slightly, so that they will not be tipped of. Catching you in their arms and holding you straight.

"'Oh my, thank you kind sir!" you say to the noble, buttering them up.

"No worries madam, just doing what any fine gentleman would do." they say.

Your hand still in their pocket and your window is closing fast, you sneeze at their face.

At this they looked away, while distracted you fished out your hand from their pocket, grabbing a handful of precious gems and putting it in your own pocket.

"Bless you!" the noble says in disgust. Standing up and acting like nothing happened.

"Thank you, but I must go now, if I want to deliver the child to the dungeons on time." you say hurriedly. The noble dusting and straithing his clothes.

"Godspeed Asset and punish that brat harshly.

"Without hesitation sir." you say at the noble. The noble nodded their head in response and started walking to the opposite direction.

Grabbing the child and leading them away from prying eyes, stopping in a alleyway.

"That was cool what you did back there!" the kid say with admiration. Putting your hand atop their head and started patting it. "Thanks kid." you say happily.

Putting your hand and fishing out your spoils and giving it to the kid.

"Here, this should keep your stomach full for a couple of days. you say, putting the gems inside the pouch and throwing it at the kid.

The kid catching it with both hands.

"I can't accept this, this is your spoils." they say looking at you with uncertainty in their eyes.

"Kid take it and besides I got a boyfriend that I have been smooching off." you say laughing, realizing how you meant it in literal and metaphorical sense.

The kid looked you with tears in their eyes and started hugging you.

"Thank you , thank you!" they say, their voice muffled in your clothes.

Hugging them back and letting go of them, you crouching low to their level.

"No problem kid, besides this what good guys do." you say smiling and winking at them.

"They are sure lucky to have you as their grilfriend." the kid says to you.

"They damn sure are!" you say, snapping your fingers.

Speaking of your partner you remembered that you have a date with them and looking at the sun you know your very late.

"Sheet, I'm late, see ya kid and don't caused any more trouble!" you shout behind you and exiting the alleyway.

"Can't make any promises on that, but will try!" they shout back. Laughing and shaking your head due to how honest their answer is.

Running through the city streets and scaling buildings, you know this city like the palm of your hand. At last you have arrived at your destination and you see MC walking towards the door.

Positioning yourself on the ledge of the rooftop and seeing a pot with roses in it, you pluck one and hid it in the sleeve of your cloak. "Leaving so soon my darling?" you sing song.

MC's POV( Present Time)

Seeing Serena, giving you a red rose as peace offering, makes you wanna laugh, but you hold steadfast and make your expression stoic.

"Sorry my love, but…that…will…not…just…do." you say in a hard tone and pausing at each word to emphasize your dissapointment at her.

Serena brushing off your rejection and started reciting a poem(one of her favorite hobbies).

(Serena)

Remember when we first did meet,

our hearts rejoiced and skipped a beat.

Remember our first kiss goodnight,

the hug we shared that summer's night.

Remember when we walked the beach

and all our dreams within our reach.

Remember how we used to be

when I had you and you had me.

With each word, she gesture with her arms for added effect.

Seeing them do this, you started to play along with them.

(Poem Showdown)

(MC)

In your silence

i hear myself loudest

and i don’t like

what i hear

in your absence

i confront the fullness

of my longing

to know you

(Serena)

I do not blame you for your silence

Words you'll never say

Wish I could make you mine

I guess there's too much pushing you away

Can't help but feel a tiny bit sad

I'm not mad at the end of the day

After all how could I be angry?

I knew things would end up this way..

(MC)

I briefly reminisce

of that moment of bliss

when you touched my lips

and we were tied at the hip

then torn apart

my poor heart

was vandalized

like despised art

(Serena)

The waves of life came crashing in

Didn’t know I was going to survive another day

So I just wanted you to heed

Everything that I had been holding in for two years

Honestly I was being selfish

(MC)

I'm angry with you

I am sure you don't care

If these words were spoken I'd be wasting my air

My feelings not even an afterthought in your brain

You are too selfish to consider my pain

(Serena)

I’m missing how it used to be

How you’d seek me out like a little puppy

The sparks flying between us like fireworks

Anticipation building as we engaged in conversation

(MC)

I never wrote you any love poems.

Supposedly, I was too captivated by your so-called charm to,

Cope with myself.

Perhaps I didn’t need to.

(End Of Showdown)

While still delivering your line you hear Serena speak.

"All right All right, I'm sorry for being late!" she says, admitting defeat to your superior poem skills.

Seeing them like this, you couldn't believe what your hearing.

"The great "Cunning Fox" admitting defeat!" you say victoriously.

Serena crossing her arms together and looking at you with hate.

"Oh gloat it in my face would you?" she says exasperated.

Laughing at her banter, you quickly remembered what is your mission for asking her to meet here in the first place.

So sobering up and becoming serious. "Serena there's something I have to tell you!" you say with urgency in your tone and kneeling in one knee.

Serena's POV

Seeing MC getting on their knee, you know what this means.

" ""Well I found you Serena, stronger than anyone I know, I hope that someday, I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets, To carry love, to carry children of our own, We are still kids, but we're so in love, Fighting against all odds, I know we'll be alright this time, Darling, just hold my hand, Be my girl, I'll be your man, I see my future in your eyes. Everything I’ve done has led me to you… and everything I haven’t done in life yet, I want to do it with you. Will you marry me?" MC says reciting their proposal to you.

Covering your mouth and shouting. "FACKING YES, I WILL MARRY YOU!" you shout to them and running towards them.

MC seeing you run towards them, rising on their feet and hoist you up high in the air and spinning you around in their arms. Bringing you down on the ground and looking you in the eyes, you recited MC a poem.

(Senna)

You supply the lips and I'll supply the kiss,

You supply the chance and I'll supply the bliss.

You supply the truth and I'll supply the trust,

You supply the time and I'll supply the lust.

But if it's love you want, it's gonna take a little more,

and when we finally get there, it'll be like waves hitting the shore,

of the oceans of our hearts, the feeling lingers on,

from the touch of evening twilight, 'til the early morning dawn.

You supply the fantasy and I'll supply the act,

You supply the opinion and I'll supply the fact.

You supply the quip and I'll supply the smile,

You supply the road and I'll supply that extra mile.

Because even though love takes more, I shall not stand and wait,

for love to sweep me off my feet, for I might be too late.

So, I've now become a partner of fate,

in the never-ending waterfall known as love and hate.

Refusing to back down, you retorted her with your own poem.

(MC)

O my Luve is like a red, red rose

That’s newly sprung in June;

O my Luve is like the melody

That’s sweetly played in tune.

So fair art thou, my bonnie lass,

So deep in luve am I;

And I will luve thee still, my dear,

Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,

And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;

I will love thee still, my dear,

While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only luve!

And fare thee weel awhile!

And I will come again, my luve,

Though it were ten thousand mile.

Serena looking at you with awe and admiration.

"My oh my! looks like someone is brushing up on their poetry. you say to MC playfully, with competiveness shining in your eyes.

"Well of course, someone needs to teach you a lesson, that your not the only one capable of being a virtuous poet." MC says smugly and smirking at you, you feel MC's body tensing up.

"Sheit, where is it?" MC says, their hand rummaging their pockets.

"Oh!, looking for this?" you say casually and fishing the box from your cloak. MC looking at you terrified at first, but after realizing what you are holding in your hand they started to laugh.

"Haha, can't even stop yourself from stealing my thunder." MC says shaking their head. Kneeling on one knee, you opened the box and said. "My beloved, it's my talent remember?, so will you marry me? you asked, repeating MC's word back at them.

"Hahah, you just want to be the one to put the ring on my finger, and yes I will marry you. MC says chuckling and giving their hand to you.

Holding their hand in yours and putting the ring in their finger.

Sealing your future forever.

MC's POV

The poem showdown the both of you two had earlier, fueled you with happiness and energy. But it cannot compare to what you are feeling right now.

The ring in your finger and thinking how Serena managed to steal it in your pocket. Raising Serena from the ground and holding her in your arms.

Smiling widely and thinking about the future that is in your arms.

"What are you thinking about, my love?" she ask you curiously.

Looking at her and putting your hand under her chin. "I'm thinking how I'm the luckiest person alive." you coo at her.

"Ohhh, that's sweet of you MC." she says.

"Also, I'm thinking how will I divorce you in the future." you say casually and bopping her nose.

Serena smiling widely. "Your loss, besides the world is one big treasure chest and if I got bored of you, I will just look for a new one." she says confidently.

Pulling her up and letting go of her. "Hahah, as if you can leave this precious behind." you say, gesturing to your body.

Serena putting her hand under her chin. "Touché'!" she says teasingly.

Jokes aside, you put your hands around her waist and started to hum a tune.

"Oh, dancing the night away are we?" she says, swaying to your tune with her brow raised.

Twirling her around and putting your hand behind her back, gently lowering her down and with a swipe of your hand, you produce a red rose. "We can do to that or make love all night." you say suggestingly and putting the rose in your mouth and wiggling your eyebrows playfully.

Serena laughing at your advances.

"Treat me to dinner first, Casanova!" she says laughing.

Pulling her up and dancing with your future wife all through the night or is that what the both of you did all night? ;)

[cielsosinfel]

Favorite 2023 reads pt 2

Cus I said I'd come back and finish after making this post. I've been super busy + exhausted lately though so this will be less detailed lol (maybe, we'll see how much I ramble)

Once again, links to places I already discussed the book are added if they exist.

Fiction

Helen House by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya: This is a VERY short book, barely I novella I feel, but it has so so so so much packed into it. I'm just gonna copy what I wrote on DW:

It's a story that opens with our unnamed narrator realizing she is a terrible girlfriend, as her girlfriend Amber shares that her sister died years ago. Our narrator also has dead sister trauma, and she is coping with her grief in fun and exciting ways aka sex addiction. A ghost story steadily unfolds, but what really got to me was how this book delved into sex addiction, codependence and objectifying not just your partner(s) but also yourself. Really plunges the depths of how far someone can fall in their grief and how it radiates outward to affect others.

Idol, Burning by Usami Rin, tl Asa Yoneda: A story about Akari, a high schooler deeply obsessed with a particular male idol, deeply involved in fandom for her oshi, has her world upended when rumors circulate that he hit a woman who may be his girlfriend. This was a beautiful, amazing novel (and wonderfully translated) about a teenage girl spiraling into depression, the failures of the education system to provide meaningful support, and the fractures in a family where everyone is coping so badly with the struggles life throws at them. I found this a very, very thoughtful book on depression, social isolation, eating disorders, and living with undiagnosed learning disabilities and dyslexia. It's also a beautiful exploration of all the ways fandom can offer a lifeline in one's darkest moments, and also contribute to spiraling further and further into a depressive and self-loathing rut.

I still have complicated feelings about the ending, but I think I also still appreciate the realism of it all, and how much more relatable it made it. Even as someone who has never been involved in oshi/idol fandom, let alone Japanese fandom, it resonated a lot as a man who was a disabled, undiagnosed teen girl desperately seeking connection and purpose with online fan communities.

I read some of the original Japanese novel too and I think the language is perfect for someone still intermediate with their Japanese literacy!

A Man of Lies by Ben Crane; A former enforcer for the local mob boss fucks up big-time when he and his boyfriend (that mob boss' accountant) are caught trying to steal money to run away together. Now his boyfriend's dead and the enforcer will be too, if he doesn't pay his boss back. But he's got a much better idea what to do with the money he gets from his last big heist.

I wasn't expecting to be as into this as I was, but the writing pulled me in and didn't let go- the prose is quick and easy and never loses its pace; this would really make a perfect action film. And the plot was a lot less predictable than I was expecting; the cast was genuinely fun and endearing barring a few characters, which helps cus there are SO MANY PoVs. It's just a very fun trope-y genre romp and a good break from much heavier stories lol. I'm excited for the sequel after the damn cliffhanger this ends on.

A Guest in the House by Emily Carroll: an absolutely GORGEOUS comic (as all Carroll's comics are) about a woman struggling to fit herself into the life of her new husband and his daughter, with the ghost of his former wife ever present in the background... more literally than she wants to accept. Really good terrifying and beautiful F/F horror exploring sexuality and relationships and mental health and domestic abuse.

Poetry:

The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes on by Franny Choi

Yin Mountain: The Immortal Poetry of Three Daoist Women by Rebecca Nie and Peter Levitt

Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz

[hard-core-super-star]

you just proving my point with your mind going blank lmao. well, your cry for help is entertaining me with conversations and fanfics.... I don't know if I should be grateful or not

so you're not interested in getting a star? wow, I really see what the ego is capable of doing to human beings. I completely agree about this article not doing a good job explaining it, it's not like the writing and the way the information was shared in an almost gentle way contrasts with the examples of the poems, making the reading more pleasant and immersive, of course not haha. As I haven't read it, I wanted to confirm if the “armed cavalier” one is the 98, because if it is, even it telling about his frustration, it wouldn't make me smile if there was a name pun. nope. really, I'm glad we're not doing that because that's not the kind of subject I like, that kind of depth with these complex topics, especially with the so-called most definitely queer pov, which brings an extra meaning and impact on this subject.

doesn't Instagram work with an algorithm? maybe if you show that you don't like this type of post it will appear less frequently?

I genuinely hope that this kind of thing doesn't happen and isn't happening and that much less hailee accepts shit like this silently. I mean, as for his fans, not that he needs to encourage them to do that, they already do it themselves.

I think it's good to get this off our chest a little or else we'll have to see if white is a color that suits us, as we'll have to wear a straitjacket. jdjksaksk I don't know what to say about her because there's a lot to say and so many things can be interpreted beyond the personality we see, you know? maybe even an idea of ​​ours that matches and serves as a “complement” to her personality because of X situation or reaction. but I think I like to put a lot of thought into Kate's sense of justice, you know? that's something I really admire about her; she'll try to do what she thinks is right but leave her feelings kind of aside???? stay neutral and don't exactly let that affect her sense of judgment because she's serious about being a hero, and if the “right” thing to do is arrest her own mom, she will do it, even if it hurts her

– 🌟

i mean…yeah, i’m not gonna say you're right but…ANYWAY, it's entertaining for me too despite all my complaints. although these conversations are way more fun than me throwing random sentences at a page and seeing if they stick. [although you could argue i do that when i’m talking to you too]

i don't know how to word this in a way that makes sense but i technically already have a star ‘cause of my username so but i could be convinced to dial down my ego if it means you'll give me one. i’m so glad you didn't read it and didn't write a beautiful analysis of this not at all amazing article. since you didn't read it, i won't tell you that the author is also responsible for a book with all the translations of these poems that are definitely not interesting and that i definitely didn't spend three months obsessing over. and because you didn't read it, i won't confirm that poem 98 is the one i was talking about and that the “armed cavalier” line is a beautiful yet heart-wrenching pun on his lover’s name that haunts me to this day because of how in pain yet in love michelangelo sounds. and i definitely wouldn't like to compare it to the “sue forevermore” poem that has those same bitter-sweet feelings from emily’s hidden yet obviously queer pov. and i definitely do not want to emphasize how much longing both of these poems have which just adds to that queer pov.

i don't know if the algorithm hates me or if i’ve truly spent THAT long looking at hailee related posts that she won't LEAVE.

they do say hope is the last thing to die and i think it's all we have left at this point. [something something, hope is the thing with feathers]

that's honestly a really nice way to put it. getting it off our chest will also stop us from holding in the resentment that bubbles up every few days. [as evidenced by lacy part 1 and 2, in my case] see? i knew encouraging you to share your thoughts would be a great idea because i love, and agree, with what you said. i have a lot of thoughts about her sense of justice and how willing she is to do the right thing but i’ll just leave it at: it's so interesting to me that practically every character makes fun of kate at some point for being young and immature but when push comes to shove, she puts herself aside [and directly in the line of danger] for everyone else. she puts on this facade of being cool and irresponsible but she's the opposite. she's just clumsy about it.

[thigholstercas]

March & April

hi :) I don't know where this two months went but here are some more fics I read (and a cute little banner). as I said in the last one, this list includes drabbles or ficlets, even poems, that I read here because fic writers should also be praised when they only write a couple of lines. on another note, you should go throughout the deancaspinefest fics and the deancasreversebang fics, and spnpoetryrenaissance, I listed some here, but you should take a look to the others. remember to give kudos, leave comments or just let fic writers know you love their work. it's a long list so it'll be under the cut

the coffee kissing crisis (4.6k, GA) by FallenAngelOfThursday @pointyearedelvishprincling

I’m just gonna share what I thought the second I finished it (yeah I took note off that)

Aoife!!!! They are dumbasses but they really love each other. The last paragraph...THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. Dean is sleepy and kisses Cas after he gives him coffee. Some time later he freaks out. Cas talks to the bees 🐝 ♥. (Honestly just read everything Aoife has written )

sequitur (23.4k, E) by butterflyslinky

The pain...of Dean grieving...is horribly good. They changed the ending (you’ll understand when you read it). Freaking good!!! Cas is also awkward during sex, is so cute.

The Legend of the White Light (50k, E) by EllenOfOz

Purgatory my beloved <3 I literally read the first chapter and my first thought was "this is so fucking cool". Cas and Dean's pov. For me the first half is the best (purgatory) and then is mostly in canon for all season 8, up to the crypt scene. I'd read this again just for purgatory.

heal me with (3k, T) by ilovehowyouletmefall

Cas comes back from the Empty during the call from 15x19, but he's dying. Dean's soul reaches for him. So nice. Sam getting angry at Cas is so funny for me personally.

Samson went back to bed (9.7k) by piesexuality @twoheadedcas

Look I probably wouldn’t read it again because I swear I cried a lot, but at the same time it was so good. Cas is a selfish bastard and erases everyone's memories about Mary. No kidding, so fucking freaking painful but good. (art from @citruscas for it)

Desideratum and other mishaps (28k, T) by thefandomsinhalor

I thought that it was so sweet. Instead of Dean using the pear, Jack uses it and let´s just say things don’t go as planned. Sam is the bitchy brother. Cas is a dad!!!! Dean is a dad too!!! 

with this stab I thee wed (9k,T) by TheSilverQueen

Adore how it is written. It starts the moment Cas is fighting demons to rescue dean from hell, it ends with them married, really nice.

What's already mine (2.1k, T) by elephantsinthestars @blanketforcas

I swear I’m not putting this one here because I love her. This is just really beautiful. Cas learns to love his body and something something about loving yourself first before being with someone else.

the closer the star, the greater the parallax (8.7k, E) by kettleknight

Cas shows and explains to Dean how he rescued him from hell. I don’t know how to explain how much this fic changed me as person..

Okay, you should also read some of these:

divine by @bixlasagna

nothing but this by @buglovescas

castiel’s guide to loving a human by @redleavesinthewind

Dean x Cas: a prayer for a prayer by @faithdeans

Dean overthinking “[...] the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you" by @mishacollinsthighsss

about a boy by @universalcas  

cas trails his fingers across dean’s chest by @angelscas

To Dean Winchester, 1995 (tw sexual abuse) by @jactingjoices

my faith is shaken, but I still believe by @interrogatethecat (last minute addition)

I re-read these ones and I think they deserve to be here:

The Mantra (3k, GA) by amirosebooks

“You're safe, you're home, I got you”, this one is so soft, is pretty much about Cas and Dean taking care of each other.

Damn You Auto Correct! (8.3k, E) by Chiyume

Porn without plot but I like it, Dean can´t talk cuz’ he's sick. 

What to do when a good man hurts you (8k, T) by @fellshish

Dean thinks that the way he'll stop the empty for taking Cas is telling him he hates him and every bad thing he can think. Turns out it doesn't work...angst okay a lot of angst. But there´s a happy ending.

Alright this is already too long, I read so much more, but I can’t put them all here, anyway give all your love to writers <3