#gonna be honest here.. I know Fris is the common name people give her but i never really vibed w that

[pilkypills]

Some sketches of what Thrain's wife might’ve looked like. I'd like to think that she was reserved, wise, and had a great love for astronomy. Maybe Thrain would’ve gifted her an astrolabe as a courting present, or maybe she made one herself.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Serendipity - Part I. (Harry Styles)

a/n: i am BEYOND excited to share this story with you guys! i’ve been working on it for over a month now if not more and what started as just a oneshot, slowly grew into this massive fic. i really hope you’ll love the story of Harry and Lis bc im obsessed with them haha. please feel free to share your thoughts and reactions about the chapter and the fic itself!

pairing: Harry x OC (Annalise Lloyd)

word count: 8k

SERIES MASTERPOST  ⚫️ my masterlist  ⚫️  come and talk to me about Serendipity!  ⚫️ consider buying me a coffee!

Serendipity (n.) Finding something good without looking for it.

There are people who plot out their New Year’s Eve plan even months before the last day of the year, making sure they will be celebrating the upcoming year at the best party possible. And then there are the folks who just ignore it until the very last moment and end up spending at a random place with even more random people.

Harry Styles desperately wanted to be the first kind, but unfortunately often found himself falling into the second case scenario. With his busy schedule and endless ocean of his upcoming projects, he never really had time to think about the last party of the day and usually ended up just tagging along some of his friends wherever they headed to. This year was no different, having to work up until even the last few days of the year, Harry had little to no thought about where he would be when the clock strikes midnight.

Just about a day before it, one of his old high school friends, Griff hits him up with a text if he would want to join them for the celebration at the pub he opened not that long ago. Harry didn’t think twice to accept the invitation, finally checking one more thing off his list, so he won’t just stay at home, and pathetically fall asleep at ten.

It’s nothing big or fancy, Griff assures him in the morning when he rings his friend up to ask when he should arrive and what he should bring.

“Nothing, ey? Just come and ‘ave a good time with us,” Griff tells him, though he already knows Harry won’t show up empty handed.

 December 31st

A little before seven Harry opts for a quick shower before he dives deep in his wardrobe to find something to wear. He is torn between wearing a fancy outfit or something cozier, but eventually stands up for the latter, putting on a pair of light washed jeans, a simple white button up and a seaweed green knitted jumper under his coat. He doesn’t pay much attention to his hair, his curls falling around his head in a messy, warm brown halo. It’s been raining all day, it wouldn’t have had any use to try to tame them.

Slowly but surely, Harry feels the buzz in himself, excited to see his old friends and maybe meet some new people while having drinks and just relaxing. He grabs a bottle of fancy whiskey from his bar and heads out around eight.

Griff is one of the few people Harry stayed in touch with after his career launched so abruptly, the two of them often met up whenever Harry was around, having a pint together, just chatting up. Griff bought an old pub a few years prior and completely renewed it, opened at the beginning of the year, Harry was there at the opening party, he had way too much to drink, but he surely had a great time.

“There he is! My favorite arrogant son of a bitch!” Harry immediately hears as soon as he steps into the pub that’s already quite filled.

The tall lad makes his way through the groups of guests until he can envelop his old friend in a warm, brotherly hug as Harry chuckles at the name he just called him. Griff always loved that line from Harry’s song and never missed a chance to call him that. He doesn’t mind though, keeps that playful side of their friendship he always adored so much.

“Good to see you, mate,” Harry smirks at him. “Here, this is for yeh.” He holds out the pricey drink and Griff shakes his head at him.

“Told ya not to bring anything!” he sighs but accepts the gift anyway, knowing well Harry would just sneak into the back anyway and leave the liquor on his desk. “We ‘ave a nice evening ahead of us. Got food, drinks, everything’s on me, take what yeh want,” Griff assures him as the two of them walk further inside.

Harry sees a few familiar faces, high school friends, kids from around the neighborhood that are now grown adults, just like him, but there are quite a lot of guests he doesn’t know.

“C’mon, yeh need t’ ‘ave a welcome drink with me,” Griff grins as he pulls Harry to the bar and fills up two shot glasses generously. Harry doesn’t even bother to ask him what it is, he just takes the glass willingly and after they clink in the middle they both send it down.

Harry grimaces as the hard liquor burns down his throat, Griff never played around with the soft drinks, he knows what hits the best and fastest and Harry figures it’s one of those drinks that would have him crawling on the floor after two more shots.

It doesn’t take Harry long to mix and mingle, get into conversations and meet new people, just enjoying the welcoming and warm atmosphere of the party. He is pleased to see that people treat him just like any other guest, rather than a famous person and he is beyond thankful for that.

Near the bar, Griff has set up a quite rich buffet table filled with all kinds of snacks and food. It’s way past ten when Harry shuffles over there feeling his stomach growling. He grabs a paper plate and his eyes roam everything that’s set on the table. Humming to himself he decides to opt for the delicious looking fries, his mouth drools just at the sight of them, so he puts a generous amount to his plate before his eyes spot the bowl of peas. That’s exactly what he needs to go with the fries.

He goes a little overboard, but he couldn’t care less. Once he is satisfied with his meal he puts back the spoon that was sat in the bowl of peas, right when someone reaches for it. Glancing up his gaze meets a pair of warm brown eyes and a shy, but playful smile. Harry can’t stop himself from smiling instantly as the woman takes the spoon and fills her plate with peas. He looks down and sees that her plate is filled with the exact same things: fries and peas.

“Excellent choice,” he smirks teasingly and her eyes snap down to her plate before she sees the similarity on Harry’s plate. She lets out an airy chuckle before she tugs her chestnut colored, wavy locks behind her ears with her now free hand.

“Mother always told me to balance the junk out with something healthy,” she admits, the corners of her mouth curling up as she blinks a little shy under Harry’s burning gaze.

He always knew he had an eye for pretty things and he never dared to deny himself from admiring them once he laid his eyes on something he found breathtaking. She was by far the prettiest thing he has seen in quite some time, so he doesn’t shy away from taking in her figure in front of him. Delicious looking curves dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a sheer shirt with a top underneath it, the front tugged into the waist of the jeans. Her hair looks effortless, but he can tell she probably spent some time forming the natural looking waves before coming here. The thin eyeliner makes her eyes appear more cat-like and her long lashes dance around with each look she pays him.

“You want to—um, sit?” she stammers nodding towards an empty table near the buffet, a soft blush tainting her soft skin. Harry absolutely adores the hint of innocence in her features.

“’fcourse,” he nods and follows her.

The two of them move over to the table and sit down with their meal, Harry sneaking a fry into his mouth right away.

“’M Harry, by the way,” he says, realizing he hasn’t even introduced himself just yet. Some people tend to look at him weird whenever he does it, as if it should be common knowledge to know who he is, but he never takes it for granted. Luckily, she doesn’t find it funny or weird that he introduced himself.

“Annalise. But everyone just calls me Lis,” she explains and holds out a hand for him, which at first looks a little odd and he can tell she regrets the motion, but he appreciates it, even finds it cute. So before she can pull her hand back he takes it and gives it a soft shake. “So what brings you here tonight?” she asks as both of them digs into their food.

“Griff invited me, saved me last minute, didn’t have any plans.”

“How do you know him?”

Harry finds it amusing that she didn’t bring up that a famous person like him would probably have tons of invitations to fancy parties. He hates when people assume that his social life is blossoming at all times, packed with parties and events to attend every day.

“We went to high school together. Stayed in touch through the years.”

Lis nods with a small smile before her eyes return to the plate in front of her.

“How ‘bout you?”

“Oh, um… Well, Griff and I had a blind date like ages ago, but we both figured out pretty quickly we are never gonna be more than just friends. But that we are perfect for. Have been meeting up every once in a while. I was kind of in the same shoe like you, wasn’t planning on coming out tonight, but… I was forced to,” she admits with a nervous chuckle.

“Y’ don’t like to go out?”

“I—uh, don’t really have the time,” she answers, clearly a bit nervous at the topic so Harry decides to just drop it.

The two of them sit there, just talking and eating and with each passing moment Harry finds himself more and more enchanted by the woman sitting on his right. The way she rambles sometimes, how her nose scrunches whenever she is laughing hard, how she likes to keep tugging her hair behind her ears all the time, are the smallest things but they easily catch Harry’s attention.

Besides, she is not just the looks, also an amazing company. Easy to talk about anything, even the riskier things too. She doesn’t shy away from giving her honest and raw opinion, but also doesn’t attack if someone thinks differently. Instead, she is open to other point of views, seeking opportunities to learn and grow. It’s a mindset Harry values highly and feels like it’s hard to find it. But on this evening in his mate’s pub, he found a gem, it feels like.

The plates soon get swapped to beers and Lis is getting giddier with each gulp, which he finds amusing, especially because she lets her thoughts slip without thinking about them and it allows Harry to look into that pretty head of hers easier.

He doesn’t fail to notice how his heart flutters every time she touches his arm or hand whenever she is deep in a story. The warm touch of her soft hand is sending him into trembling and he is glad they are sitting because he surely would be having a hard time keeping himself up on his feet. She is just the kind of person that wraps others around her fingers without even trying or noticing.

Though it’s only been over an hour since he first laid his eyes on her, he feels like he has known her for ages. The connection built up fast and smoothly, sweeping Harry right off his feet. He’s got it bad for her and he already knows he wants to see her again once this night ends.

“Oh, it’s almost midnight!” Annalise gasps snapping out of her thoughts, a hand snapping to Harry’s upper arm. The crowd is starting to buzz, getting ready for the count down.

“C’mon, let’s get some champagne,” Harry tells her and helps her up from her seat.

They head to the bar and each of them grabs a flute filled with the sparkly alcohol. They stand a little to the side, but still mingled in the crowd of guests. Harry can feel his hands getting sweaty as he thinks about the countdown. Every fiber in his body is aching to kiss her, even though he knows it’s quite crazy knowing the fact they have known each other for only two hours. But he just can’t help it, she has a spell on him with just one look, making him act like a teenager in love.

Annalise peeks up at Harry with a lazy smile, the drinks have made her a little lightheaded, but she is nowhere near being drunk. Her thoughts are absolutely clear and they all focus on the man standing close to her.

Harry watches her bite into her bottom lip and he wonders if she is thinking about the same thing. If she’d be mad if he kissed her when the clock strikes midnight or slap him right across his face. He notices as she draws a deep breath, eyes looking around before they return to him.

“Get yo’ drinks, lads!” Griff shouts from somewhere behind the bar and those who haven’t picked up a glass quickly work on the problem.

Then the countdown begins.

“Ten!... Nine!... Eight!...”

Annalise glances up at Harry and her cheeks blush when she catches him already looking at her. She wishes she had her beer so she could hide in her glass from his burning eyes.

“Seven!... Six!...”

Harry turns so his whole body is facing her and takes just one tiny step towards her. When she doesn’t back away from him, he takes it as a sign that she might want the same thing as him.

“Five!... Four!...”

She looks straight up at him with a sheepish smile and pushes herself against him right when his free hand finds its way to her waist. She sucks in a sharp breath, but doesn’t move while Harry is aching to taste her plump, soft lips.

“Three!... Two!... One!... Happy New Year!”

The crowd cheers as one, guests are clapping and screaming, welcoming the new year with high hopes and full of planes for the new chapter that just started.

Harry and Annalise lock eyes and while everything around them is a full chaos, he feels like a bubble of silence and tranquility is surrounding them. Harry sucks in his breath, lips parted as he doesn’t break his gaze with hers. There’s a moment of hesitation, but the voice in the back of his mind tells him that he can’t let this moment go to waste.

Fuck it! He tells himself before he leans down and his lips meet hers in a soft, warm and breathtaking kiss.

He is a man who believes in magic, in things he can’t explain rationally, he is a man who doesn’t try to pull reality into everything when something odd happens. When his lips meet hers, he is swept right off his feet with just that tiny touch. It’s not a demanding kiss, very restricted and shy, but it still makes his insides tremble for her, almost falling to his knees right in front of her.

There’s a moment of hesitation from her side, when their lips are just touching in a little awkward way, but it fades into nothing before Harry could wrap his head around it, her lips parting as she lets him deepen the kiss, a soft moan slipping out of her throat that brings a knot to his stomach.

The moment is so vivid, raw and intoxicating, he wishes he could bottle it up and open it to have a taste of her anytime later, keep her in his pocket just to have her lips glued to his like this whenever he needs to be grounded or taken away from the world. His fingers dig into her waist, pulling her close to his body, hoping to just merge into her, become one with the woman in his arms.

She softly glides her hands up his arms, through his shoulders before they stop at the back of his neck, digging into his soft curls, while never breaking the kiss. Their lips stay melted together, tongues and teeth clashing, they are a hot mess in the first minutes of the new year.

The cheering slowly dies down and the usual buzzing of conversations and laughter replaces it, but the two of them are still busy with each other and it takes quite some time to pull themselves out of the bubble they created.

“Happy New Year, Lis,” Harry smiles down, lips swollen, eyes glistening from the joy that’s filling up his veins. She glances up at him shyly from under her lashes.

“Happy New Year, Harry,” she whispers, biting into her bottom lip, coming off the high this little make out session gave her.  

One hour passes by, then another and the party is starting to slowly die down. People are flaking out the door, the crowd is getting smaller with each door opening.

Harry and Annalise remain in the corner of the place after their kiss, a barrier that’s been noticeably present before has come down as Harry has his arm swung over the back of her chair and she lets herself lean against his side. There’s something so calming and tranquil in just being so close to each other, sharing thoughts and stories while his fingers graze on her shoulder gently and her head always falls to his shoulder when she laughs on something. He loves her laugh, it could easily light up any place and Harry can’t help but feel sorry for the people who don’t see her shine. So many guests didn’t get the chance to get to know her, but on the other hand, he is a bit selfish, he wants her all to himself. No one else should have the honor of making her laugh or bringing a smile to her perfect lips. He wants her all to himself, even if it makes him sound like a mad man.

After she leaves to the restroom, she comes back with her phone in her hands and a tired smile playing on her lips.

“I, uhh—called an Uber. I really should get going,” she tells him and he wants to make her stay. He wants this evening to last forever, but he can’t ask her to stay longer than she wants, so he just slowly nods.

“I’ll walk you out,” he offers, but it’s more like a fact.

The two of them find their coats on the packed rack, Annalise says goodbye to the handful of people she knows, hugging Griff before they head outside to wait for her car to arrive.

“I really enjoyed tonight,” Harry mumbles, shoving his hands into his coat’s pockets, feeling like a nervous teenage boy talking to his crush. She glances up at him with a smile, but there’s something clouding her eyes he can’t really put his finger on.

“Me too,” she assures him, a pair of headlights turning the corner and they both look in the approaching car’s direction before facing each other. “It was really great meeting you, Harry. Take care of yourself in the new year,” she tells her, but he doesn’t like the weight of her words. It sounds like a proper goodbye, like she is bracing herself to never meet him again, but he can’t let that happen.

“Can I—Uh, can I have your number? I would love to take you out sometime.”

The car stops next to them and she nods in the driver’s way to let him know she’s the one he is supposed to pick up. Taking a step to the backseat, she looks back at Harry.

“I’m really sorry, Harry, but we can’t.”

Devastation washes over him, her words are like a punch into his stomach each. Why is she rejecting him? Did she not enjoy the evening? Did he say something stupid? She seemed to be having a great time, so why can’t he see her again?

“What? Are you sure? Because I really loved tonight and would love to see you again.”

Annalise opens the car door and shoots him an apologetic look. He has never felt this helpless in his life, than at that moment, looking at the woman of his dreams escape from his reach.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t get into… whatever it is you want from me. I really am sorry, I wish it was different.”

“But I just want to see you again. I thought… You didn’t feel like it was something special?” he breathes out, feeling the world crashing down on him with each passing moment.

“I did, but I can’t do this. I’m sorry. Take care, Harry,” she sighs, clearly not happy about her own actions and he doesn’t understand why she is fleeing away like this.

He stands there, completely frozen as she gets into the car and shuts the door open. Their eyes meet through the window one last time before the car starts moving and she falls out of his view. He stares after her until the very last moment, when the car disappears at the end of the street, leaving him in pieces from the major rejection he just suffered.

He stays out there until his nose and cheeks turn red and his ears are freezing off, part of him wishing that if he just waits she’s gonna magically reappear and tell him it was just a joke. He can’t believe he met such a wonderful creature and had to let her go like she didn’t flip his whole world upside down under just a couple of hours. Does she know how much of an effect she had on him?

She probably doesn’t, he thinks to herself, because then she wouldn’t have left so abruptly and without a trace for him to find her again.

When Harry returns to the pub, he is met with a tipsy Griff, shoving a pint into his hand immediately.

“Ay, saw you hanging with Lis all night!” he teases Harry, but the mentioning of her name just makes his heart ache. However, knowing that Griff is friends with her, he is ready to use him as a way to get to her.

“Yeah, hey, you have her number?” he asks, trying his best to look as innocent as possible, but Griff sees right through him, even with all the alcohol in his body.

“Sorry, mate. F’she didn’t give it to ya, I won’t go against her.”

“I’m begging you, Griff. I need to see her again!” he sighs in despair, ready to do anything he can to get to her.

“Y’not the first bloke to fall for her magic. I know what it feels like, but I can’t do anything, sorry.” He shrugs his shoulders, giving an apologetic look to his friend before he joins another conversation.

Harry could scream from the frustration, the urge to punch something or someone is growing with each passing moment, but he has to realize there’s nothing he can do at this point other than accept the fact that he met this wonderful woman, had the best night with her and then was forced to watch her walk out of his life before she could even become part of it properly.

Harry starts to realize that what he thought about heartbreaks is nothing compared to the feeling Annalise left in his heavy heart.

There has to be a solid reason for what she did. Or did not do.

Endless theories about Annalise flood his mind through the days following that night when he was forced to watch her leave on such a bitter and painful note. Harry couldn’t stop himself from making up the most ridiculous cases just to give himself a possible peace of mind, but neither of them brought him enough comfort to forget about her.

His best shot was that she had a boyfriend, or even worse, a husband. This was the only version that sounded somewhat real and believable, though he just knew she is not the type of woman to cheat on a significant other.

How would you know? You spent just one evening with her, she could be a serial killer for all you know! Harry’s rational side was always quick to shut him down when his thought swirled around the idea of knowing her well enough to assume anything about her.

As the days dragged by him in a painful pace, he slowly had to realize it’s going to be a question in his life he’ll never get an answer to, so he just has to learn to live with the thought of the woman that got away.

The end of January rolls around faster than he could comprehend, February comes and he finds himself spending his days mostly in the studio, cooking up new music. Studio sessions are his favorite. That’s his element, he feels safe and comfortable, surrounded by people he trusts and enjoys creating his art fully. In the new year, he has also been eager to pick up a new hobby so he has been trying himself out in knitting and painting recently, finding both of them just a tad bit too hard for him just yet, but they were enough to get his mind off of the one woman who was constantly occupying his thoughts following New Year’s Eve.

Sitting in an armchair in the studio, he and his bandmates are listening back to some recordings they did today and he is trying to find that one thing that keeps throwing him off whenever he hears the song.

“I think it’s great,” Mitch states once the recording ends, and Harry agrees, it is great, but not the best.

“Maybe we could tone down the keyboard a little through the bridge, give more space for the guitar,” he contemplates, but really, he is just shooting in the dark, not sure what it is that keeps him on edge about the song.

“Why don’t we have a break?” Sarah suggests with a warm smile, seeing how everyone is keen on leaving for a little, except Harry, who is still fixated on mastering the song. But he agrees to have the break, however while everyone gets ready to leave and grab something to eat from the diner that’s around the corner, Harry stays where he is, eyes glued to his notebook.

“You’re not coming?” Charlotte asks him and he just shakes his head.

“No, not that hungry.” He looks up and shoots them a short smile and though they all can tell he could use the time out, they know him enough already that he won’t leave before he finds what’s not right.

“Alright. We’ll be back in an hour,” Mitch informs him and he dismisses them all with a nod.

He stays right there, going through the lyrics a few more times, making tiny changes in hopes that it’ll fix it all, but he can feel himself growing frustrated. Doesn’t matter how hard he is trying, he realizes his brain needs a break. Letting out a defeated huff he leans back, looking around in the empty studio. He doesn’t feel particularly hungry, but he could use something to snack on. So grabbing his coat he locks up the studio and heads out to the nearby Tesco they usually run out during sessions.

He is still humming the melody to himself when he walks in, a pair of sunglasses sitting on the bridge of his nose, his famous curls hidden under a green beanie. He doesn’t bother to get a cart or basket, just strolls inside and roams down the aisles, trying to decide what he desires.

He settles on some kind of canned tea and a protein bar, but before he heads towards the cash registers, he wanders down the aisle where they keep cereals, looking around aimlessly. It’s the middle of the day on a weekday, most people are at work at this hour, so just a few other customers are lingering around, filling their carts. At first, he doesn’t pay any attention to the figure a little further down the aisle, his eyes are glued to the shelves, but then he just mindlessly glances to his left, his brain not even processing what, or who he is seeing at first. Then he takes a double take and his stomach drops to the tiled floor when he recognizes the woman, deep in her thoughts to decide which cereal to buy.

Annalise is standing just a few meters away from him, looking just as beautiful as he remembered, wearing a pair of simple jeans, light blue sneakers and a white jacket, her hair is in a loose ponytail on the top of her head.

“Lis?” he calls out, as if he thinks she is just a ghost. Taking a few steps closer he watches as her eyes fall from the products on the shelves to him, then they widen and her lips part in shock.

“Harry? Wha-what are you doing here?” she asks and Harry is quick to read the panic out of her tone as she looks around cautiously.

“I’m… shopping?” he answers with a soft chuckle, holding up the items in his hands.

“Haven’t seen you around here.”

“The studio we use is nearby, I drop by sometimes. But today is clearly my lucky day.” Even though her reaction is giving him doubts, he can’t hide his joy upon seeing her again, fate clearly playing on his side this time.

“Uh, yeah?” she lets out an anxious chuckle, her eyes often wandering off him, as if she is waiting for someone to show up and it just fuels Harry’s rich theories about her.

“So, are you here with your boyfriend?” he boldly asks, deciding to just go for it. Annalise’s eyes widen once again, but not in a way that makes him think he just busted her, it’s more of a confused one.

“Boyfriend? What are you talking about?”

“Well, you basically ran away from me that night, I figured you had someone and that’s why you didn’t want to give me your number.” He tries his best not to sound petty or bitter, though that’s exactly what he’s been feeling ever since she left that night.

“Harry, that’s… not the case.”

“Okay, so does this mean you’ll give me your number this time?” he tries and he is so busy with her presence, he doesn’t even notice when a smaller frame runs past him down the aisle.

“Mommy! I want this!”

At first, he doesn’t even register that the little boy is talking to Annalise, he dismisses his presence, eyes still fixated on her, but then her gaze leaves him and turns down to the boy, holding up a bar of chocolate.

“Honey, that’s too big. Choose something smaller, alright?”

It takes Harry a few moments to put one and one together. This kid just ran up to her, called her mommy and most likely not on accident since she answered him, very much talking to him like his mother. Though Harry can’t see his own face, he knows it fell, shock completely taking over him as his thoughts finally add up. Annalise looks back at him in panic, completely puzzled about what to do or say.

“Benji, go get another one, a smaller one while I talk to my friend here,” Annalise softly tells the boy.

He turns to Harry, eyes meeting his as he cocks his head to the side, examining the shocked adult standing in front of him.

“Who’s this?” he blurts out.

“Just a friend, alright? Go get your chocolate,” she urges. Benji gives Harry another look before nodding and running off, leaving them alone once again in the cereal aisle. “Harry, I-I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to know.”

“Are you married?” is his first question, taking her by surprise.

“What?”

“The father. Is he your husband?” he urges, eager to clear the picture. Annalise shakes her head.

“No, we were never even married.”

He feels relief washing over him. At least at this point he doesn’t feel like a homewrecker. If he found out she wasn’t only a mother but also married, and that she cheated on the dude with him, that would have crushed him. But it’s one less thing to worry about on a long list.

“Okay, it’s fine. You are not married, it’s all good,” he breathes out and it brings her a smile through this absurd situation.

“You thought I was married?”

“Or at least had a boyfriend, yeah,” he nods, hands on his hips as he licks his lips. He surely had a mini panic attack, but he can feel the life coming back into his body.

“Do I come off like the kind to cheat that easily?” she asks with raised eyebrows, but she didn’t take it as an offense, she more like finds it funny rather than hurtful.

“No, not at all! I was just trying to figure out why you rejected me and this was my best shot!”

“I’m sorry, Harry. I just… I didn’t know how to tell and I didn’t really think you would want to see me again after that night.”

“I think I made it clear that I wanted to when I asked for your number.”

“Well, yes, but I thought you just wanted a hookup and that’s just not what I can do.”

“Because of…” he gestures towards the boy that jolted down the aisle just a few minutes ago.

“Because of Benji, yeah.”

“Alright, it’s understandable, but I did not just want a hookup, and that’s still not what I want,” he clears, his words certainly surprising her. This is definitely not what she was expecting when she came down to get groceries today.

“Harry…” she breathes out, already feeling guilty that she is about to turn him down once again. “You can’t be serious.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a single mother with a six year-old and you are… you.”

“I don’t see your point,” he truthfully answers.

“I’m not some model you chatted up at some award show, who is living her best life, traveling the world just like you. My days consist of work, doing laundry, cleaning the house, cooking, doing first grade homework, going to football practice and watching cartoons. We are polar opposites.”

“No, just our lifestyles, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get closer.”

“Is that really what you want?”

Harry is about to answer right when Benji emerges again, proudly holding up a bar of KitKat in his hand this time.

“This one! This one!” he declares, stopping next to Annalise.

“Okay, put it in,” she nods and the little boy throws the chocolate into the cart with a beaming smile. Her eyes flicker back to Harry, who is now staring down at Benji, who is seemingly not that interested in him at the moment, his attention is more focused on the cereals on the shelves.

She is aware she can’t really push this conversation, but she also doesn’t want Benji to hear it.

“Benji, can you get me three apples? I’ll go get paper towels in the next aisle, alright?”

“Three?” he asks holding up three fingers to make sure he heard her right.

“Yes.”

Benji nods and runs off once again, while Annalise grabs a random box of cereal off the shelf and starts pushing her cart, Harry walking along with him.

“It’s nice that you want to prove that you are fine with whatever baggage I come with, but I’m not stupid, Harry. I know I’m not the jackpot and I’m not naïve, I’m not trying to make myself believe that I’m easy to date when I’m clearly not.”

“You act like you are the only single parent out in the dating field. I genuinely don’t think that it’s that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, that’s what you are saying now. But then we would get more involved, you’d grow frustrated that I can’t just go after you whenever you feel like it, or that I would have to cancel on plans because Benji is sick or has homework to do that he needs help with. Or that my Friday night consists of playing board games, then watching whatever cartoon Benji is keen on seeing and I’m in bed by ten while you probably spend these nights out with your friends, hopping from one bar to the other. And I’m not saying that you shouldn’t, that’s exactly what you should be doing at your age… at our age. But for me, it’s just different.”

She is not talking just out of theories. She has tried to date, several times, but it was always kind of doomed from the beginning. Men in their mid-twenties don’t want to be a stand-in dad, though it’s completely not what she expects. But as time went by, they all grew tired of having to deal with a kid in the relationship and they all ended up leaving and she can’t even blame them. It’s not what they want in life at this point, but she can’t be what they wanted her to be so slowly but surely she gave up on finding a man before she turns thirty and her peers start to get into the whole idea of having a family that’s already been her reality since she was eighteen.

And the situation is even more complicated with Harry. An international rockstar is definitely not the right person for her and vice versa. She can only imagine what some lowlifes would think when they found out he is dating a single mother. People can be cruel for no damn reason and she is definitely not in the right mindset to be humiliated just because she is a mother.

The two of them move down to the next aisle so she can grab the paper towels along with some dish soap. Harry is keen on making her understand that he is still very much interested and he has nothing against her being a mother. It was just a little shocking to find out this way, instead of hearing about it from her.

“I think you have an unreasonable picture in your head of what my life is like,” he explains. “Yes, I do travel a lot and I go to parties, but it’s not what I do most in life. And I’m not expecting you to turn your whole life around for me.”

“Yeah, but dating me is kind of me asking you to turn your whole life around for us,” she simply says and he is stunned at her words, having nothing to bring up against them. “Look,” she sighs. “I appreciate the effort and everything, but I want to save you the time, just like I originally wanted to. I know that it seems reasonable now, but once you get involved, it’s a whole different world, I’m telling you. And while I would love to give you the chance to prove me wrong, I still have to think about Benji. I can’t just drag someone into his life and then have them leave when they figure out it’s not what they want after all. He needs stability around him and it’s enough that he can’t get that from his father.”

Harry has a million questions roaming in his head that he is dying to ask. Mostly about the father, because if he is not in the picture, he can’t imagine what kind of scumbag he is for leaving someone like her. But he keeps them all to himself, especially when Benji appears again with the three apples, putting them into the cart with a proud smile. The boy turns to Harry this time, finally acknowledging his presence.

“Who are you?” he asks. Harry looks down at him and pushes everything else into the back of his mind as he hunches down a bit, holding out his hand for the boy, a friendly smile playing on his lips.

“I’m Harry, your mum’s friend. Nice to meet you.”

The boy doesn’t hesitate to take his right held out, his small hand almost getting lost in Harry’s big palm as they shake hands like two adults. Harry is stunned by how confident he is, unlike most kids his age.

“I’m Benjamin Lloyd,” the boy introduces himself smiling and Harry can see the resemblance now clearer than anything. His smile is certainly his mother’s and the shape of his eyes along with his chin are the exact same as Annalise’s, leaving only a few traits that must have been inherited from his father.

Benjamin lets go of Harry’s hand and turns back to his mother completely unbothered by the man he just met.

“Mum, are we staying on the playground a little?” he asks as they all move down the aisle, heading to the cash register.

“Uh, yeah, we can stay for a little, but you need to do homework when we get home. Mrs. Conrad sent me all the work you missed today so we have to catch up on everything. You got away with faking sickness this morning, but you are doing the work you missed.”

Benji doesn’t fuss about having to do work, he knew this would happen when he faked to have a tummy ache, he nods understanding the importance of doing his homework and Harry is amazed by how great his behavior is. Most kids his age would have thrown a tantrum over what Annalise just said, but not Benji. He is like a small adult, Harry thinks.

“I honestly don’t see why you still have to push me away completely. Did you not enjoy talking with me?” Harry continues as they stand in line, Annalise putting everything to the belt from the cart while Benji is busy playing around the poles that separate the lines.

“Of course I did!” she sighs.

“So then why can’t we just continue? See where it goes?”

“Because that’s just not how things work for me,” she says with a soft, sad chuckle.

“What, you can’t have friends?” Harry asks innocently as Annalise finishes packing, puts a divider on the belt so Harry can put his items behind hers.

“Oh, so you just want to be friends?” she asks raising her eyebrows, seeing through him easily. Harry opens his mouth, but then closes, a cheeky smile stretching across her face that makes her chuckle.

“For now, yeah?” he tries to sound convincing, but it’s more of a joke.

The cashier starts to scan her items so she pushes the cart over to the end and starts packing everything back, Benji still climbing on the poles, completely oblivious to the conversation happening around him, or he just chooses not to listen.

“You are unbelievable,” she shakes her head at the man in the line. The cashier finishes up with her items and she taps her card on the terminal, pushing the cart away a little.

Harry is scared that she’ll flee the moment she gets the receipt and leaves before she could go after her, but for his biggest surprise, she just pushes the cart a little away from the cash register and starts packing her items into totebags. Benji runs up to her and she gives him his KitKat without a word, the boy happily tearing the packaging open, snacking on the chocolate.

Harry is quick to finish with his items, catching up with Annalise as the three of them head out of the supermarket.

“Look, I’m gonna be honest with you, I haven’t felt like this with anyone in a long time, Lis. I loved talking to you, I feel like we had a connection, and I think you felt it too. I would hate to waste whatever we had so I’m offering you my friendship. I want to hang out, spend time with you, just as two adults enjoying each other’s company. Nothing more, if that’s what you really want for now. And we can see where it heads later. How does that sound?”

They reach her car and Benji runs to the backseat, tearing the door open while Annalise opens the trunk and she is surprised to see Harry help her pack her bags into the car, but she doesn’t protest.

“I really don’t know…” she sighs.

“Come on! Just friends. Give it a try! I have a great feeling about it and I promise to be very careful. I understand that you need boundaries because of Benji and I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable in any way. But you do have to realize that you need to open up at one point. You can’t use him as an excuse forever.”

“I’m not using him as an excuse!” she points out, but she can feel how that’s not the whole truth.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Lis,” Harry smirks, pulling his phone out of his coat’s pocket and unlocking it he holds it out for her once she has closed the trunk. “I’m just asking for your phone number, not to travel the world with me. You can decide to block me later if you change your mind, it’s nothing serious, alright?”

Annalise’s hesitation is clearer than the light and in any other case, he would take offence at it, but not with her. Harry is keen on proving to her that he meant everything he said and that he is willing to take a chance with her.

Chewing on the inside of her cheeks, she glances back at Benji, who has climbed into his seat in the back of the car. She is fighting with herself, bringing up all pros and contras until she finally caves in. Grabbing the phone from Harry’s hand she types her number in and gives herself a ring so she can save his number as well. She hands the device back and Harry’s smile is so wide, she almost wants to punch him in the face, but she can also feel the excitement running through her veins.

“Great. You won’t regret it, Lis,” Harry beams shoving his phone back into his pocket. His hand reaches for her arm and gives it a gentle squeeze as he doesn’t want to try anything further with her at the moment.

“I better not,” she mumbles shaking her head before turning around to buckle Benji in. When that’s done she pays one last glance at Harry who stands at the car next to hers, watching her get behind the wheel and back out from her spot. He waves at her happily and she just nods in his way before turning around the car and driving away.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!” Harry rages through the phone, his anger only met with a soft chuckle from Griff on the other end of the call.

“Mate, I told ya, s’not my place! She didn’t tell ya, so I didn’t either.”

“You saw how hooked I was on her! You could have, no, no… you should have told me!”

Harry was quick to run back to the studio and called Griff right away to load everything out on him. He felt betrayed that his friend didn’t let him know this small little detail even after seeing him all crushed after she left without a trace to find her. He gets his reasoning, he does, but it still doesn’t stop him from being so bloody mad at his mate.

“Sorry! I really am sorry! But I know how protective she is over Benji. I was not gonna betray her like tha’.”

Harry takes a deep breath, paying up and down the hallway in the studio, trying his best to calm his nerves. It’s an unfortunate situation as a whole, he sees that clearly, but the frustration how it had to go down at the end is getting the best out of him for sure. He is not mad at one specific person, because everyone was doing what they thought to be the best, but everything added up to be such a shitty outcome, or at least on Harry’s side.

Pinching the bridge of his nose he huffs again, putting aside his burning emotions.

“Okay, okay. Sorry to snap at you like that, it was just… a lot.”

“I get it, don’ worry about it,” Griff assures him, glasses clinking behind him somewhere, he is probably working at the pub as they are speaking. “She gave ya her number now, right?”

“Yeah, she didn’t want to, but I talked her ears off,” Harry chuckles lowly. He could still feel the excitement that rushed through him when she finally gave in.

“M’happy for ya, mate. But please be bloody careful. She doesn’t need any shit right now, has enough on her plate.”

“I know. I’m just trying to be her friend first, that’s all.”

“Alright. Swing by the pub sometime soon, if ya want.”

“Sure thing. Bye Griff,” Harry smiles before ending the call.

Walking back into the recording room, all eyes snap up to him and he stops in his track.

“What?”

“The hell was that about?” Sarah questions, asking in the name of everyone in the room. They all just heard his rage outside and now are dying to know what it was about.

“I uhh—I found her,” he simply says and watches all his bandmates gawk back at him with wide eyes.

“What? Did you like, hire a private investigator or something?” Charlotte asks, making Harry chuckle as he shakes his head no.

“No, I ran into her at Tesco. Well, her and her… son.”

His last word washes out the whole room, everyone stops breathing for a moment as they stare back at Harry who has that ‘yeah, you heard me right’ look on his face.

“A son?” Mitch asks snapping out of his shock. “Like a proper kid?”

“How do you not have a proper kid?” Harry asks him with a look.

“I don’t know! I’m just… surprised. How old is the kid?”

“Like six or seven. She said something about being a first grader.”

“Didn’t you say she is a year younger than you?” Sarah asks, as everyone is doing the silent math in their head.

“She is, with one year. Or that’s what she told me.”

“That makes her, what, like eighteen when she had the kid? And what about the father?” Charlotte trails, still trying hard to put the picture together.

“She didn’t say much, but from what I understood, he is not really in the picture. So at least she is not married or something,” Harry adds, still open about the relief he is feeling about that information.

“This shit is twisted,” Sarah huffs. “So what’s gonna happen now? Did you ask for her number again?”

“Ask?” Harry chuckles bitterly. “I begged, Sarah. I was ready to be on my knees in the middle of a bloody Tesco.”

A round of laughter runs through the room and the mood finally eases a little after the shock that just set in. It wasn’t the fact that Annalise had a son that sent everyone over the edge, but rather that she didn’t say a single word about it and how it all surfaced.

“And did she give it to you?” Mitch prompts and Harry nods, a shy smile stretching on his lips as the two girls start clapping and cheering.

They all saw his long face after New Year’s Eve, it couldn’t be missed how he was moping around for weeks. He told them all about this girl he met, who completely blew his mind just before breaking his heart. Now that she was found and gave him just a small crumble of information about her to him that makes him able to contact her, the change is visible. That little sparkle in his eyes is back and that’s all his friends wanted to see.

“So what are you gonna do now?” Sarah asks as Harry walks over to one of the armchairs and makes himself comfortable.

“Now… I’ll try not to scare her off. Hopefully she won’t push me away and at least let me be her friend.”

“Friend? Is that what you want to be?”

“Of course not,” he sighs, his head dropping to the back of the armchair. “But this is all I can do for now.”

They all just nod, tasting his words and letting everything that just happened sink in. Harry is doing the same, he has a lot to think about and figure out, but there’s one thing he is one hundred percent sure about: he will not give up on Annalise.

NEXT PART

-

TAGLIST

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@stylesfics-xx​​ @dontworrysunflower​​ @mariamuses​​ @bookwormandtea​​

[with-love-anu]

Quills and Ink

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader Summary: Sirius gets anonymous letters from someone really sweet and falls for her. Warnings: It’s just fluff, no warnings to give! Word Count: 1,903

Sirius sat grumpily eating his breakfast. His head was throbbing due to last night’s endeavors and he wanted to gobble in all sorts of grease he could get. He piled his plate with bacon and fried egg when a school owl landed in front of him. He furrowed his brows. Who would write to him? He carefully took the letter out and opened it reading.

Dear Sirius,

Charms’ not an easy subject. The summoning charm they taught us yesterday is no different. For performing a summoning charm, you must clearly, and I mean clearly visualise the object you are summoning, like your favourite cookie. You could see it in your mind the sandy coloured biscuit full of dark brown choc chips, some edgy some melting. You could practically sniff its sweet smell and you want it right now, you need it. You say accio cookie with a small hand movement, imagining it coming towards you. And there you go, you have it. You can practice it over and over again and I am sure you’ll get used to it.

I just, I have always seen you excelling in every single class, and when you couldn’t do the spell yesterday, I thought maybe I’ll help. The professors having taught the same things a million times already, aren’t enthusiastic and somewhat, vague. Anyways, happy learning!

A fellow student.

Sirius smiled at the odd letter. He turned it around to find a name but there was none. The owl had already flown away.

Sirius closed his eyes taking his wand in his hand. What’s the harm in trying again? Accio muffin! Sirius grinned as a muffin zoomed towards him. Finally. He had done his best yesterday, but couldn’t perform the spell. He munched on the little cake happily. He felt satisfied; thinking about the sweet letter reading it again. Who could it be? He smiled, he wanted to meet this anonymous helper.

***

Sirius was sitting on the quidditch stands when a school owl came in. He smiled and his eyes widened. The person wrote him another letter? Telling the owl to wait; he opened it. It hooted indignantly but did just the same. He smiled realising he was right.

Dear Sirius,

I know you love teasing the Slytherins, but you need to understand that the group you hate is rather small. My friend who is in Slytherin was exhausted ridding their supplies from the red paint and gold glitter which you drenched their common room in. You know, this friend I am talking about is so damn sweet and couldn’t even hurt a fly. They have been loyal to me since the first year and have gone out of their ways to make me smile.

I am not asking you to stop pranking, but make your targets specific. Let me be honest here, I hate Mulciber’s gut as much as I hate sardines, and that’s a lot. And you know, harmless pranks are good too; specially if they make the targets smile and laugh along with you.

A fellow student

Sirius quickly summoned a sheet and started writing. Whoever this person was, was funny, and seemed to have a great personality.

Dear fellow student,

Firstly I want to thank you for your help in charms. I could do it on the first try after reading your explanation. *wink*

Secondly, I am sorry about your friend, maybe we do take it too far at times. I’ll make sure me and my friends don’t allow our pranks to affect ~innocents~. Speaking about pranks, I would love to hear more about those harmless ones you were talking about.

And thirdly, don’t you think it’s bad that you know me well enough to notice how I do in charms and I don’t even know your name? You seem like a fun person, sign the next letter with your name?

Sirius.

Sirius tied the letter to the owl and said, “Give it to the person who gave this to you”

***

Time passed and Sirius and a fellow student continued to exchange letters. Sometimes they were short, sometimes long and there wasn’t one where Sirius didn’t plead to find out who it was.

He showed some to his friends, others he kept to himself as his own little box of pleasure. James never failed to tease him and Remus would give him a knowing smirk whenever he didn’t let anyone touch those pieces of paper which had somehow become very close to his heart. No one missed the crimson blush that coloured Sirius’s cheek whenever he was asked about this very adorable fellow student. He kept every single one of the notes, trinkets, and gifts in a shoe-box hidden under his bed.

An empty box of an exclusive collection of handmade treacle tarts shrunk in size with the note which came along with it was tucked neatly in the box. Sirius had received it when he had got a nasty letter from back home during one morning. He had thought no one noticed but apparently he was wrong. The note said-

Dear Sirius,

You can never change people, make them see you or appreciate you or love you for that matter. Nothing in this world is fair and we take what is given to us. I know you got a letter from your parents this morning and over the years I’ve come to assume that they aren’t the most loving ones. We need you to remember you are an amazing person. So, gobble up these amazing chocolates while writing down things that are great about you. Let me start-

1.     You are funny / sarcastic. I don’t know anyone who could make McGonagall crack a smile and the moment you did it, I knew you were special

2.    You’re VERY intuitive. I saw you damn so many times calming down or walking various students through breakdowns, anxiety attacks; you know just what the person needs.

3.    Smart, that’s one thing about you not everyone sees, but come on; people should know those mischievous ideas need a brainy person behind them.

Your turn now, be as selfish as you could be!

A fellow student

A bouquet of lavender on which Sirius casted an everlasting spell, and an empty bottle of Chamomile tea made by an American company had come with a short note- “Put those flowers under your pillow, they help”. He ran his hand through them remembering feeling so touched when he received; he actually shed tears because he hadn’t slept all week and was exhausted to death.

There was a pile of books too. They contained all the famous muggle comics, which he had received when a fellow student had rambled on about their favourite superheroes and Sirius had admitted not understanding a thing in the long write up. He had read every single one of them more than thrice. Along with them, there was a detailed magazine on different motorbikes; their prices, their quality, talks about their engine. Sirius had gasped when he received it. The small note on it had said- “Even though I am sure I am going to regret this; because these are dangerous machines and you are one reckless person; I know your fascination with them and always love to see you smile. Just promise me you’ll read everything on the safety precautions page.”

There was a small key chain with paws on it, he got on Easter. He had barked out laughing seeing it (pun intended). He didn’t think you would remember something he wrote so offhandedly about. The note had said- “Since you were so adamant that you would be a dog if you were an animal!”

It was becoming incredibly frustrating. He was cautious of all the people who noticed him in classes, trying to guess who it was, which was futile since a major part of school turned to him whenever he entered the room. He was desperate, he was falling, hard. If the love they all gushed about, wasn’t what he felt; then he didn’t know what was. And he didn’t even know who it was! All he knew that your nickname was (Y/n/n) and you were in (Y/h) house. He felt stupid wanting you.

He had tried and failed trying to follow the owl to find you. Halfway to reaching you the owl had turned and bit him until he was forced to stop stalking it. Yeah, that had hurt. He tried to cast a monitoring spell on it so as to track it on the marauders map. The owl had realised something was going on as it fluttered and scratched his face red with it’s claws.

He took a pen and paper and ran to the owlery. As he entered the owlery, he saw someone was already there. (Y/n Y/L/n). She was a fellow student. They attended various classes together. Her eyes widened seeing him, and she quickly turned to what she was doing. Wait a fellow student! Can it be?

“Hi (Y/n), what brings you here?” he asked noting her reactions.

She stumbled.

“I… Just posting a letter.”

“Oh, how’s Abernathy’s health?” Sirius asked nonchalantly. Abernathy was (Y/n/n)’s sister who had caught a bad case of dragon pox.

“She’s better. The healer said- “(Y/n)’s mouth opened in realisation. Sirius smiled. He had finally found her.

“I…I…” (Y/n) stuttered looking at Sirius’s wide grin.

“I’m gonna go.” She said flustered and turned to leave.

Sirius quickly ducked in and grabbed her hand. “Don’t go” he pleaded.

(Y/n) slowly turned. She looked everywhere but him.

“Why did you not tell me?” Sirius asked quietly making her look up.

“I was afraid. I am really shy and I accept it. I’ve had a crush on you since forever and was quite sure I wouldn’t be able to talk to you face to face. I- I thought that when you realised that it was me writing you all those letters, you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?” Sirius asked frowning.

(Y/n) let out a scoff.

“Oh come on! I see the type of people you are always with. Tall, beautiful, smart. Why would you even look at me!” She said mirthlessly.

It was Sirius’s turn to scoff.

“Are you kidding me?” Sirius asked incredulously. “Do you even own a mirror? That little (Y/f/c) colour dress you wore last weekend. Darling, I am sorry to inform you but you turned heads. I’ve always noticed you. You just light up when you talk to your friends and have that brilliant smile on your face. Before, you started writing to me you were just pretty; now I know you’re beautiful. You’re so full of kindness and generosity. Your letters never failed to bright up my day. You’re funny, sarcastic and motivated. I love that you could make me smile at the worst of times. I love that you constantly talk about made up heroes and heroines who could take on the world. I love that you care so much about your family that you write to them every other day. I love everything about you. I love you.” He breathed.

“You what?” you whispered.

“I love you” Sirius repeated.

“Good, cause I don’t know what I would have done you hadn’t told me soon” you sniffed a little, smiling.

“Come with me to hogwarts this weekend, you know, on a date.” Sirius asked as you gulped and nodded. Sirius smiled widely and you were sure your own expression mirrored his.

A/N: Let me know what you think!

[phykios]

honesty and promise me, part 3 [read on ao3] [co-written with @darkmagyk]

Several more weeks and hookups later, Annabeth thinks she should probably come clean. Some people might bury it deep, and for sure, Annabeth’s considered it, but, well. It is kind of embarrassing that she didn’t know Percy’s name at first. Stuff like that doesn’t usually bother her--she’s had nameless one night stands in the past, and despite Thalia’s ribbing, she knows that Thalia doesn’t really care either. It’s just that, you know, he’s Thalia’s family, and they’ve seen each other a few more times, and they are planning to continue to see each other a few more times in the future. Or more than a few times. 

Anyway, she kind of feels like she owes it to him. Like he deserves this small nugget of truth, payment for all the times he’s fucked her blind. It’s nagging at her, and she hates feeling like she owes anyone anything. 

Piper certainly seemed to think so, when Annabeth had told her over their monthly brunch date.

“It’s just common courtesy at this point,” she said. “Like, what if you guys end up married and then sell your story to Hollywood, they cast my dad as the male lead, and it comes out in interviews that you didn’t know his name for like a month? He’s gonna get the wrong idea.”

Annabeth wasn’t sure which part was more ridiculous: the movie, Piper’s dad being involved, or them being married.

Anyway, sharing some of her avocado fries, Piper had reminded her that being mean wasn't very punk rock, shutting her up effectively.

She’s out on site in the Lower East Side, taking measurements for plots of land, writing down sun angles and measuring the wind velocity between the brick buildings, when she gets a text from him. 

I’m on a break and I’m starving 😩 Want to grab something to eat?

It’s 2pm on a Thursday and he wants to grab something to eat. If Annabeth didn’t know any better, she’d say that that sounds like a real, honest-to-goodness, bona fide date. (Meeting up at and subsequently leaving bars together does not count as a date, she’s pretty sure. Neither do the booty calls.) He’s been getting a little free with his texts, that boy, sending her selfies and memes and questions about her day, and now this? An invitation to their first, actual date? She should block him on principle, just for the sheer audacity.

sure, wya

520 8th, text me when you get here 😁

That’s another thing: Percy loves his emojis. If this is going to continue, they’re going to need to have a serious talk about that. 

She doesn’t need to text him when she gets there; he’s already outside, leaning on the stone edifice of the building like a particularly jacked rent boy in his tight t-shirt and broody look, cigarette between his fingers. The sweatpants sort of ruin the image, though. He looks particularly comfortable in a way that warms Annabeth right from the inside out. “You know, when Nico said you smoked, I honestly didn’t believe it.” she says, not even bothering to say hi. 

He looks up from his phone and smiles, the sun behind his teeth. “Hey!” 

“Hey, yourself.” She doesn’t even hesitate--she plucks the cigarette out of his hand, taking a drag off it herself. “You been smoking for a long time?”

“Who do you think taught Thalia how?” He raises an eyebrow, bemused. “Is that a problem?”

It is, but it’s not like she can tell him that without losing some of her credibility. “Wouldn’t smoking fuck with your cardio?”

Percy shrugs, conceding. “A little. I used to be a lot worse, but I just can’t quite kick the habit. It’s mostly a stress thing, anyway.” 

“Rough practice?” she asks, putting just enough effort into her lip wobble to make it abundantly clear that she’s making fun of him. “Were the other boys being mean to you because of your tights?”

He grins at her, saucy. “Annabeth Chase, do you really think that NYCB rehearses here? In the Garment District?” But he laughs before she can stammer out an answer (and thank God, she’s lived here three years and can barely keep the boroughs straight, let alone the neighborhoods). “I just wrapped up teaching a class. I don’t have to be at rehearsal until 5, I was thinking we could hang out? Bryant Park?”

A first date at the New York Public Library. She almost hates to admit it, but Percy Jackson might be kind of her dream man. “I believe I was promised food,” she sniffs, but she does hold out her hand, and when he takes it, lacing his fingers through hers, she’s sure that he can feel her heart beating, palm to palm. 

Twenty minutes later they’re settled on a bench in the corner of the green, Annabeth halfway into a ham sandwich and Percy juggling a salad and an iced coffee. He’s been regaling her with tales from the more exciting side of ballet, a side she hadn’t even imagined could actually exist. “So by the time I land in Paris,” he says, taking a sip of coffee, “the guy’s foot has swollen up to, like, twice its original size, and when I finally managed to find some wifi to check my phone, there’s, like, eight missed calls from my mom and my agent, and an email from her that just says ‘READ THIS,’ in all caps, and of course the article is in French, which I didn’t really speak at the time, and I was so stressed that my ADHD made it so I couldn’t even read the Google translation, and I had to ask someone to translate it for me.”

“Oh my god,” she says, struggling to keep it in.

“And that’s how I found out that I’d been moved up to first cast in Le Corsaire, from the poor barista at a coffee shop in Charles de Gaule!” He laughs. 

“That’s insane,” Annabeth says. “And the show was the next day?”

“It was that night! I had to haul ass to the opera house and get warmed up, because I was going on in about four hours. You should have seen the looks on everyone’s faces when I stumbled in, I’m sure that they all wanted to kill me.” Percy chuckles, taking a bite of leafy greens. “Now I wasn’t just the twenty-year-old upstart American, I was the twenty-year-old upstart American who skipped town when I wasn’t supposed to.”

“How did it go?”

“Killed it, of course,” he says, deservedly smug. 

Despite her best efforts, she’s absolutely entranced; he’s a great storyteller. “I bet you break that story out at parties all the time, don’t you.”

He laughs. “Whatever gets the donors to open their checkbooks, right?”

“I can’t believe you lived in Paris. I’ve always wanted to see it.” She’d had a few chances to when she was in college, the semester she’d studied abroad in Rome, but she just never got around to it. Just another item on her long, long list of regrets, placed somewhere between the sketchy burrito from last week and not telling her mom to fuck off earlier when she’d had the chance. “If I were you, I’d never leave.”

Percy shrugs. “It was amazing, I won’t lie. But towards the end I just really, really missed it here. All my family is in NYC, you know? My mom, step-dad, and my sister live here, and Thalia and Nico and Hazel, too. I tried to come back and visit whenever I could, but being away from them was really hard.” There’s something soft and inviting in his expression when he says, “I’m really happy to be back home.”

“What are they like?” Annabeth asks. “Your family. Your non-mob family, I mean.”

He rolls his eyes, but he grins another one of those blinding grins, too. “My mom is the most amazing person you will ever meet. Not only did she support my dance habit, she did it as a single working mother who had to raise an angry, ADHD asshole of a son who didn’t always appreciate her. I don’t even want to know how many hours she had to work or how many scholarships and grants she had to track down in order to pay for me to go to SAB, but somehow she made it work, and managed to write her novel at the same time. She married my step-dad the summer I turned sixteen, and my baby sister was born the next year.” 

Even Annabeth, cynical and black-hearted as she is, has to smile back. The love he has for his mom is so palpable, so tangible, she can practically see him glowing. “And the…” What had Thalia called them? “The ‘Cousin Consortium’?” 

At that, Percy laughs, full-bellied, unrestrained. “The name was Nico’s idea. I didn’t really have many close friends when I was a kid, apart from my buddy Grover--he had to wear this really gnarly leg brace and I liked to dance, so you can imagine how much we got picked on--but we were all really close growing up, since our dads were all assholes. They may have left us emotionally scarred, but at least we had each other’s backs the whole time.”

This is a very Percy thing, she’s starting to realize: he can not and will not hold back on his feelings. He simply refuses to. Where most guys might try to hide or downplay their affection for their friends, Percy’s is written all over his face. Maybe it’s a byproduct of doing ballet, but he’s so unashamed of his love for his friends and his family and his art, that maybe Annabeth kind of wishes she could be included in that love too, if it always feels this warm and joyful. 

“I think it’s amazing that you guys are so close. I only had the one cousin when I was growing up, and we didn’t really talk all that much,” Annabeth says, almost without her permission. Something about him, it’s just so easy to talk to him. He makes it safe to open up.

“The med school guy, right?” 

Annabeth nods. “Magnus. Fifth generation Harvard student. We’re all very proud.” 

Ugh. Even she has to wince at the false cheer in her voice. Percy gives her a half-smile, sympathetic and soft. “Harvard not really for you, then?” he asks, picking up the threads of a long and complicated story, and one that she absolutely does not want to get into right now. Or ever, if she can help it. 

“More like I wasn’t really for Harvard.” Which wasn’t entirely untrue. She had been good enough for the university in Cambridge, Mass--good enough for two degrees and graduation with honors--but she had never been good enough for her mother’s capital-H Harvard. Never good enough for her mother at all, really. 

Percy takes her hand. His fingers are cold from his iced coffee. “Hey. It’s their loss,” he says, with a sincerity and an intensity that makes her blush.

Every part of her wants to pull away. His thumb is rubbing against the joint of her finger, soothing and sweet, and she thinks she may break out in hives from it. “Damn right it is,” she mumbles. 

He is so nice. So nice and hot and sweet. Objectively, what she’s about to do is a terrible idea, and might torpedo a really good thing that they have, but if she doesn’t come clean now her own guilt is going to drive her insane.

“Okay, I have a confession to make.” Percy raises his eyebrows, slurping the last dregs of his drink. “When we met… and then when we hooked up the first time… I may have… thoughtyouwereJason.”

He blinks. “Pardon?” he asks, mumbled around the straw.

Annabeth buries her head in her hands. “Please don’t make me say it again.”

“You… thought I was Jason?”

“Well,” she sputters, glaring at him through her fingers, “you were being all bro-y with Thalia!”

He is valiantly trying to hold in a smile. “You know, I distinctly remember telling you my name that morning.”

“I was really hungover,” she whines, “and you were shirtless and making breakfast so I wasn’t really… paying attention.”

“For a whole week?”

This is so embarrassing, why couldn’t she just keep her stupid mouth shut? “Yeah.” She slumps her shoulders, stuffing her hands into her jacket pocket. “Sorry.”

She’s not entirely sure what she expected: at best a couple of weird looks and a tentative promise to meet up later that would end up not working out, at worst she thinks he’ll just get up and leave her here at Bryant Park. Either way, they’d be doomed to months of awkward interactions, until eventually they wouldn’t be able to be around each other, and Thalia would have to pick a side--and Annabeth’s seen what Thalia does to people who cross her family. She’s seen Thalia beat a dude to pulp for calling Nico the f-slur. Picking Percy over Annabeth? That’s nothing.

So when he starts laughing, Annabeth is completely at a loss. Slowly, at first, then all at once, he’s laughing so hard his shoulders are shaking, and he has to put down his salad so it doesn’t topple over onto the grass. His head is tilted back in joy, the grey, late afternoon light adamant that Annabeth can see all of his features clearly, from his screwed up eyes to his bright, white teeth to the single dimple in his cheek.

Of course, even his laughter is hot. Asshole. 

“You thought I was Jason!” He shrieks.

Annabeth crosses her arms, scowling. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I really don’t mean to laugh,” he giggles. Annabeth can feel her own giggle rising in response, and she ruthlessly quashes it. “I can definitely say I’ve never heard that one before. You do know Jason is blond, right?”

“As a matter of fact, I did not. Besides, you and Thalia look exactly alike.”

He scoffs. “No we don’t.”

“Uh, yeah you do. You, Thalia, and Nico are all basically clones of each other.” 

“Okay, Captain Glasses, whatever you say.” He rolls his eyes, but there’s no heat behind it.

“I’m sorry,” Annabeth feels like she has to say again.

He cocks his head. “For what? For thinking I was Jason? He’s a pretty cool guy.”

“No, for,” she blushes again. All this blood rushing to her head can’t be good for her. “For sleeping with you when I still thought you were Jason.”

Percy scoots closer to her, throwing her a grin and slinging his arm over her shoulders. Without even realizing that she’s doing it, she settles in beside him like she’s been doing it her whole life, slotted up against his torso, tucking her booted feet beneath her legs. “I am choosing to take that as a compliment,” he says, smirking. “You couldn’t resist my charms, even when you thought I was a brogrammer.” 

Annabeth can’t help herself. She kisses him, wiping that smug grin right off his face, and when she finally retreats, after what feels like hours, he looks so dazed she could probably keep calling him by any name she wanted and he wouldn’t even realize it.

After their lunch, they meander for hours, headed in a vaguely southerly direction, holding hands the whole time, a steady, uninterrupted flow that took them all the way from Midtown to Greenwich Village. He tells her about his first day at ballet school; she tells him about her favorite monuments. “There are two architectural environments in America,” she says, ranting, speaking with enough force that she might forget the feeling of his hand in hers, “endless dead suburbia, or cities where every single building is either a concrete or a glass block--and not even Brutalist concrete, just shitty, poorly designed, paint-by-numbers concrete. It is an absolute travesty of modern government that they don’t fund any public works projects anymore.”

“That’s why all the gardens and stuff?” he asks.

“Nowadays everything is built by the lowest bidder. At least I get to add some beauty back into the city.”

“I know what you mean,” Percy says. “Paris is practically overflowing with public works, you almost forget about it sometimes.”

She sighs. “You’re so fucking lucky. Paris is so beautiful and everything in New York is just hideous.”

“Aw, come on,” he says. “Not everything. What about the Empire State Building, or Central Park?”

“Well, obviously, those,” she says, just a teensy bit flustered, but she’s not about to give up the argument without a fight. “I just mean like, normal, every day buildings: offices and apartments and stuff. It’s all so samey and boring.”

He looks to her right, pointing at the building they are passing. “What about this one?”

She turns.

If she had known they were headed this way, she never would have taken them past here.

“It’s… okay, I guess,” she mumbles, staring up at the arched windows, pedimented doors, and Rococo details of Miss Minerva’s Private Pre-College Prep School. A shudder goes down her spine, like someone walking over her grave. “There are better Beaux-Arts buildings.”

Sensing her discomfort, he picks up the pace, and changes the subject.

Finally, he stops outside a nondescript building, turning to face her. “This is me,” he says, a little bit mournfully, squeezing her hand. “Are you okay to get home safely?”

This man is ridiculous; it’s not even dark out. “I think I can manage a few blocks,” she says, lightly swatting him. “Isn’t it kind of early for you, though? It’s only four o’clock.”

He flushes faintly, one hand coming up to rub at his neck. “Uh, well, I always give myself a little extra time--you know, time blindness and everything.”

“You baked in extra time in case I wanted you to walk me home, didn’t you?” She mock-gasps, secretly delighted. “Scandal!”

“Guilty,” he grins. “You’ve been to mine so many times, I was curious.”

She just barely stops herself from laughing out loud at the very idea of Percy coming to her apartment--as if. Thalia hasn’t even been to her apartment. Nobody knows where she lives, none of her neighbors know who she is, and this is entirely by design. “Cut me some slack; a girl’s gotta have some mystery. Can’t make it too easy for you, can I?”

“I have a feeling you’ll never make things easy for me,” he says, white teeth gleaming.

“You better believe it,” she smiles back. “Now that I’ve foiled your plans, are you going to be too bored?”

“Oh, I’ll think of something,” he shrugs. “I’m very resourceful when it comes to boredom.”

Inspiration strikes, and she grasps his hand, pulling him down the alleyway. She almost hates to admit it, but she has something of a Pavlovian response when it comes to hanging out with Percy. Annabeth has come to expect some really excellent sex whenever the two of them meet up, and maybe spending all afternoon with him has made her a little bit horny. 

She presses him up against the brick wall, hidden from the street by the long afternoon shadows, and kisses him. His hands flounder for a second, before coming up to rest on her shoulders, this thumbs tapping against the base of her neck, fingers fluttering on her jacket. It’s an intimate touch, kind of chaste and very respectful, and he holds her with precision and grace. He wouldn’t do anything she wouldn’t want to. This is a date with no expectation of sex on his part. But Annabeth does not want grace right now, spooked by the ghost of her old school. She does not want precision. She just wants him. She just wants to keep him on his toes, keep him interested, blow his mind a little. 

She just wants to blow him, to be honest. 

He squeaks into her mouth as her hands fly to his belt, deft fingers practically ripping it off of him in an increasingly familiar motion. “H-hey,” he says, squeezing her shoulders, “this is--”

“Do you not want me to?” she asks, one hand playing at the top line of his underwear. 

“No--I mean, are you sure? I’m-I’m okay with this, I just want to--”

“I know.” She kisses his cheek, then drops to her knees. “But we’ve got some time to kill, don’t we.” 

Afterwards, when she’s finished with him, Annabeth wipes her mouth, and he whimpers. 

“Ho… holy shit,” he pants, flushed and trembling. 

She tucks him back into his boxers, doing up his fly. “There we go. That was better than being bored, right?”

He nods wordlessly, swallowing, shaking. His eyes are glassy and glazed, stupid like he’s just shot out his brain through his dick.

In the short time they’ve been together (though, honestly, this might be the longest relationship she’s ever been in before… and they haven’t even broached the “dating” conversation yet) Annabeth has been on the receiving end of several different Percy looks. His face will light up with joy when he first lays his eyes on her, so happy to see her (though she can’t really fathom why), glinting like the sun on the water. His eyes will narrow, glaring, even as he furiously tamps down on his growing smile when they start arguing over something stupid, like Annabeth’s affinity for olives. He’ll grin at her, knife sharp and slanted, licking his lips and looming over her after she comes down from yet another orgasm via his mouth or his hands.

Percy looks at her now like someone took a bat to his head, and instead of seeing stars, he sees little miniature Annabeths flying around. 

He pulls her to him and kisses her, entirely too sweet for what she’s just done to him, but that is also a very Percy thing. And when she leaves him with a final kiss on his cheek and squeeze of his ass, she can feel that look burning a hole through her jacket, following her down the alley and around the corner, and she finds that she doesn’t mind the weight of it at all.

[ninjakitty15]

Chapter 15: Trickster Treats (Loki X OFC Pairing)

"You know, not that I'm complaining here, but you don't have to bribe me with chocolate chip pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin spice latte, as much as I missed those breakfast foods this time of year," I assured my best friend in the whole fucking multiverse.

"You have no idea how fucking bored I've been since you went MIA, I tried making new friends honest, but you of all people know how hard that is."

"Even in Salem where the weird are welcomed?" I asked.

Zari just nodded while shoveling crispy strips of freshly made bacon onto my already full plate. "I also think you need this, I know you don't extensively need to eat being dead and all but how the hell else do you recharge after kicking terrorist ass?"

"Mischievous magical sex certainly helps," I chirped.

"Is that why he hasn't come down for food like you did?" she asked, jerking her head toward the guest room we stayed in.

"Not as much as usual actually, we were both just tired and needed company over intimacy. Asgardians are fucking addicting, pun intended."

"Let's hope he doesn't wish he knew how to quit you," she teased.

I scoffed and shoveled more food into my mouth. "He aint never had it this good, the best thing about necrophilia is the dead can't say no."

"Jesus, woman, still with the dead jokes after all this time?"

"Always," I replied smoothly.

"So what should we do today while I got you?" she asked excitedly.

"Like you said, I gotta recharge and then I gotta celebrate properly since I missed out so many times, too many really, it's a good thing I got out before I missed it this year or I'd be seriously depressed."

"You're only really alive during this time of the year despite the veil between worlds being so thin and your death powers being strongest then, irony that is. So what was it like being in the Avengers company?"

"Kinda boring when I wasn't actively shagging the only other person on house arrest there, I'm not terribly into new state of the art tech Tony's all about. I mean yeah it looks cool and shit but like I've no idea how to use the majority of it."

"It did take forever for you to get a smartphone when the rest of the first world had been through like 5 at least."

"That was partially because I was under the impression I couldn't afford one or didn't need that much stuff just to contact people."

She rolled her eyes at me and scoffed. "Whatever, Ms. Slide to Text Not Smart Phone."

"Call me what you want but whenever I dropped that phone, the worst that happened was the battery popping out, let's see you drop a smartphone any height without a protective cover and see if it even works after that."

"Get with the times, woman!"

"Don't wanna!" I retorted and crossed my arms in a pretend pout.

"How the hell does Loki put up with you really?"

"I already told you, copious amounts of kinky and experimental sex, keep up."

"What about sex?" a familiar smooth accented voice interrupted.

We both turned to see a groggy looking Loki that shifted into his mortal form Tom seamlessly, a hand combing through his short sandy curls and a lazy smile tugging at his lips upon setting his eyes on me. "Zari wants to know why you put up with me."

"Put up with? Why would it be a chore to be with you?"

"My thoughts exactly. See, Zari, it's not me, it's you," I taunted.

"Shut up and eat your damn pancakes," she demanded.

"So orange is for the pumpkins everyone picks and carves into what you then call Jacko Lanterns, black is for the night of the holiday and the darkness and death that comes after the season more or less, white is for the spirits free to roam about, what about purple, I know I've seen some of that mixed in as well as green," Loki commented while we raided some more tourist stores full of holiday goodies.

"Purple seems to come out more in kid friendly type decor or even dare I say glitsy stuff I'd rather not. Green's also a bit kiddish but it also goes with the monsters and other characters people tend to dress as for the occasion," I explained, sifting through the sweatshirts that all had Salem something or other on it.

"And what's the most common costumes?"

"Well I mean every year there's always a select group of costumes that's all the rage of that year, like maybe Tony did something wicked awesome the world knows about so everyone's gotta be Iron Man that year, but then there's also something for the girls that's excessively popular but at a certain age or older it's gotta be either slutty or some other form of sexy because that's society in a nutshell. Dudes can be anything but chicks are just breathing sex dolls."

"That's disgusting, why didn't you people let me destroy New York when I had the chance?"

"What do you mean 'you people'?" I asked suspiciously. "You know how I feel about that city."

Loki picked up a rather cute looking scarf that of course was green and wrapped it around his neck then turned to me. "What do you think?"

"Lay off the green or go back to your real form, you can't have it both ways, even I know that and I never go undercover."

He scowled at my logic as he had made a habit of by now but put it back all the same and chose an orange one with black skulls instead. "As a child then, to your knowledge and not society's, what were the most popular costumes of choice?"

"I think even before I came into existence, the classic ones were: witch, ghost, devil, clown, cat, skeleton...those ones at least. They were the easiest to make as well if you didn't have the money or time to buy one and the economy has always been shit. Oh and there was the Grim Reaper of course, how could I forget that?"

"That was your first costume, wasn't it?"

"Nah." I smiled. "I don't remember much before I died, no faces or names or anyone really but I do know I was a witch...glad I can remember that much of my childhood. Ghost was the absolute easiest fucking costume to make but witch was the bees knees for me."

"What made a ghost costume?"

"Oh just find any old white or offwhite bedsheet that didn't drag too much on the ground or you'd probably trip over it half the time you're trick or treating, cut two holes for your eyes, boom done, you're a ghost, I sheet you not."

"Zari warned me you were fond of bad jokes and puns, I found them amusing but now I'm sort of wary."

It was my turn to scowl at this, he seemed to enjoy my wordplay till she had to ruin it. "She and I are gonna have words later about that, ruining my fun when I just got here." I snagged a comfy looking black and orange hoodie with a cute witch pun on it to purchase and snagged Loki's scarf as well to pay myself despite his protests. "Shush, Zari gave us spending cash since we want to stay under the radar and cards will fuck us over that way."

"I know but I wanted to pay for it myself," he insisted.

"Listen, this city is all about my favorite holiday and said holiday only has one law, trick or treat and since you are the master of tricks here, if you want anything in this city, it'll be my treat."

He opened his mouth to argue a few times before deciding he wasn't going to win what I thought was a smooth as fuck reply that should also be bulletproof too. "Fine. Well played."

"Jolly good, and thanks, been known to happen. How long do you think we'll have before we're found by either party?"

"Stark will hopefully find us first, I'd rather not be locked up again, I'm sure you agree there. As to how long...a few days give or take with his resources. Worried, love?"

"Something occurred to me just now. While this is my turf and I'm nigh unstoppable here, I don't want the other agents coming here and sullying my slice of heaven or Valhalla in your case and that's what they'll do, they're a plague, spreading and destroying everything they come in contact with."

"I can understand that, that's what I felt with Asgard before it went down in flames. What would you have us do then?"

"I don't want them here, but I still need to sort out the traitors, there's gotta be more than the two I saw there at the base. I'm also tired of being targetted, that's the reason I left the country in the first place and literally the second I come back before I can even touch native soil, I'm back to being wanted by the wrong people. This country sucks."

"The Avengers have already tried many times to nip it in the bud as you Midgardians would say. I'm willing to bet there's several more hidden bases off the radar we won't be able to find ourselves unless they want us too."

"What are you saying?"

"We won't be able to rid them of the world unfortunately, they've been around since 1940s at least and don't plan on retiring despite their old age. Although...what did you say about getting rid of certain household arachnids earlier on?"

I blinked and wracked my memory, wondering where he was going with his musings before it dawned on me and a wide wicked grin spread across my face. "If you can't kill em, make em wish they never came in. What do you know, you can teach an old god new tricks."

His smirk from pulling a page out of my own book went back into an unamused though half hearted glare at my last bit. "You're lucky I don't know how to quit you."

And once more I was the one scowling again. "You wouldn't survive the withdrawals, I'm a fever you can't sweat out. Also, it's rude to spy on other people's conversations. That's classified information you don't have clearance for."

"I'm a god, I have clearance for everything, silly woman."

"Eventually that card will expire that you keep pulling," I muttered, tugging him out of the shop and onto another while pulling on my new hoodie.

Outside in the heart of Salem, the cobblestone streets were damn near packed like Mardi Gras  in the South, street vendors everywhere, tourists and people that just bloody love the upcoming holiday getting it while it was there. The park across the street from all the chaos was busy with fair rides and games for the kiddos, fried dough, candy apples and fresh apple cider as fair food. This was my home, my heaven, if I died for good then and there, I'd regret nothing because I'd already be in heaven and there was no telling what kind of afterlife I was in for. The air was crisp and smelled of hay rides and apples and I couldn't remember a time I was more in love than I was then. I pulled Loki out of the crowded street and into a side alley between shops, grabbed him by his cute new scarf and snogged him passionately. Even in human form I couldn't get enough of him, would you blame me? He cupped the side of my face once we pulled away and studied me almost tenderly.

"This will be our place," he murmured. "Not Stark's, not the Avengers, not Hydra's. I've already watched one place I love go down in flames and I've already lost one woman I love fall before that even happened, I won't let either of which happen again, not while I'm still breathing. I swear it on my life. We can't let them near this but we can't run from them either, so we'll take the fight to them or die trying."

"Well, you might die, I'm already there but yes, I concur. First we enjoy our mini vacation, then we raise some hell and all the damned that comes with it. To mischief, to merriment, to manslaughter!"

[purplesurveys]

684

Have you ever lied to a person of authority? What did you say? I’ve lied to a teacher once or twice, but not anything more severe. Doesn’t matter if it’s a person of authority or not; I just hate lying. What’s your favourite type of pie, either sweet or savoury? I love chicken pot pie lol < Oh gosh yeah dude. Savory pies are the shit. I find that most sweet pies have fruit in them and given that I hate fruits, this is an easy choice for me. Do you have a Netflix subscription? Yeah, we have a family plan that my dad pays for. Have you ever parked in a disabled parking space even if you aren’t disabled? Nope. That sounds awful. How long does it usually take you to get ready in the morning? Depends on how late I’m running. If I started preparing early I can give myself up to an hour but if I’m late as it is, I can take 10 minutes to shower, get dressed, prepare my lunch, and get in the car.

What colour is your favourite shirt? My favorite top at the moment is a multi-colored striped spaghetti strap. If I remember, some of the stripes are white, maroon, olive green, dark blue, etc. When was the last time you saw a photo of yourself? Today. I took a dumb selfie for Angela. Does your laptop ever overheat? It doesn’t overheat but the fan tends to get louder when I do video calls on it, so I never do them on my laptop. Are you wearing a dress today? I am not. I’m up on the rooftop and it’s pretty cold tonight, so I have a large hoodie on, and also a hoodie wrapped around my legs so that I don’t get bitten by mosquitoes. Do you use your phone during class or at work? I use my phone in classes where the profs aren’t as strict. OMG I miss going to class :( How many times a day do you check Facebook? Countless. It’s where everyone hangs out to communicate, or do work, or share announcements, or post memes, so I’m almost always there. Do you hate it when people on airplanes recline the seat in front? No one’s ever done that to me before so I wouldn’t know if it would bother me. Are you the type of person to press a button just because? I would only get the urge if I knew it doesn’t work anymore or if it���s unplugged. I wouldn’t press a button that I know would do something. Would you ever volunteer in the case of a natural disaster? Yeah, but tbh I’m more likely to volunteer for orgs that help out stray animals  affected by the disaster, like for PAWS. I know for sure I would have volunteered for them after the Taal eruption, but I couldn’t because our house itself was affected by the ashfall. Do you check your emails daily? NO. I’m definitely not checking them during the lockdown because I want my break to stay a break. Are you inside or outside at the moment? I’m technically ~inside the house but I’m in an outdoors part of it. Why did you last have to see a doctor? I needed to have my left eye checked because it’s been acting up for a while. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? Nope. Are you happy with how much you weigh? Sure. I’ve never really paid close attention to my weight and I’ve always been just passively content with it. What’s your favourite flavour of Jell-O? Ughhh I hate any kind of jelly, I find the texture disgusting. I dunno if we have Jell-O here but we have local brands of jelly that I’ve never thought of trying. Do you pick your nose? C’mon, be honest. Yep, but only if I’m by myself or with my girlfriend. What was the last thing you bought from a supermarket? It’s been months, but if I remember correctly it was ice cream that my mom had been craving, and she asked me to buy it because I went out that day. Do you know anyone who is highly allergic to anything? Yeah, Tina is allergic to seafood and Kate is allergic to seafood, chicken, and eggs. When was the last time you had a nap? Just this late afternoon. I fell asleep at 4:30 and woke up for dinner, so I’ll probs be up really late again tonight. Are you hot, cold, or just right at the moment? I was cold earlier but I put a hoodie on so now I’m feeling just right. Do you have a Spotify Premium membership? If not, do you want one? I technically don’t, but Gabie has one and she let me log into her account a long time ago. What’s your boss’ name? I don’t have one. Back in my internship days – again, because this is really my only ~job experience so far lol – the boss’ name was Dessa, but I was under a supervisor named Therese. Have you ever eaten caviar? Yup. Are you a nervous type of person? Yeah, I generally am. Do/did you collect anything currently or in the past? I used to collect receipts from my dates with Gab, but I’ve completely stopped doing that. I keep telling myself on these surveys that I’m gonna start collecting again and it just never happened, so now all there is to say is that I entirely stopped lol. Other than that, I don’t collect anything else. On average, how much money do you usually put into savings every week? Depends on how much is left over by Friday; I don’t have a set amount. The left over from my allowance can be anywhere from P100 to P1,000. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savoryyyyy. Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? No, not on my computer. What are your three favourite fruits? I hate fruits. Have you ever received a speeding fine? Nope, I don’t even think that’s grounds for being fined here. I’ve seen people drive like maniacs on highways, and yet they’d get pulled over because they illegally changed lanes or did an illegal u-turn. When was the last time you shaved any part of your body? This evening. Have you ever had a cramp in an odd place? Mmm no, I’ve only gotten cramps where it’s common, like my legs and neck. Would you ever go overseas for cheap medical treatment? No. It doesn’t make sense to me – the airline ticket would bump up how much I would need to spend anyway. The only times I see the sense in traveling abroad for medical reasons would be if the treatment/surgery/medicine/facility is only available in a certain country, or if the best doctor in a certain field is in a different country. How many hours did you sleep last night? 8, I think. Are you good at writing stories? I’ve never been good at writing stories. I liked reading them as a kid, but I never succeeded in writing my own. What have you eaten today? I had eggplant stuffed with meat, fried egg, and fried rice for brunch and Mang Inasal takeout for dinner. Do you watch House of Cards? Nope. I want to try watching it but I feel like it’s too dialogue-y for me. Plus Kevin Spacey is there for like 5 out of 6 seasons I think, which would really ruin the viewing experience lmao. Did anything exciting or interesting happen to you today? Nah not really, much like the last three weeks of the lockdown. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? Raw tuna. Who else is in the building you’re in right now? My family and dog.

[mikroarkadia]

following you into the deep night

Pairing: queerplatonic taehyung and jimin

Genre: demon summoning au, fluff, humor, oneshot

also on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27035917

---

“I’m sorry, chicken,” Tae said solemnly as he raised the knife to slaughter the chicken he borrowed (read: stole) from the local farm stand.

Murdering an innocent chicken wasn’t what he had expected to be doing on this particular evening. In fact, he had been planning to spend this evening as he spent every other evening prior -- studying for twenty minutes, giving up on studying out of sheer boredom and lethargy, and then spending the rest of the night binging Netflix or mindlessly scrolling social media. Maybe eating too much ice cream. You know, exciting stuff.

But one night during one of his scrolling sessions, he stumbled upon a Tumblr blog that provided a step-by-step guide to summoning a demon to do your bidding. And at first, he thought it was complete nonsense. But then he started reading the replies to the post, seeing other people’s success stories. One girl apparently summoned a demon who agreed to go out with her and be her demon girlfriend. Someone else had a demon get revenge against an abusive ex. The more he read up on demon summoning, the more he realized that this might actually be legit.

To summon a demon, you first needed to make a blood sacrifice. The larger the sacrifice, the stronger the demon. Common sense, right?

Tae didn’t need a powerful, overly malicious demon, and to be honest the idea of summoning one like that was a bit scary. But a chicken sacrifice was small enough that he didn’t think it’d be too bad. He didn’t need violent revenge, and he didn’t want a boyfriend or girlfriend either. He kind of just wanted somebody to talk to, to hang out with now and then. He fell out of contact with his family a few years back, and struggled to make any new friends while in college. But if he could get a demon to hang out with him…

After killing the chicken, he had to read a Latin incantation over the corpse. And then using the blood, draw a sigil on the floor. Because he was nervous, his finger was a bit shaky and so the sigil wasn’t quite as perfectly drawn as he would have liked. But it resembled the picture on the blog well enough, or at least he hoped it did.

When he stopped chanting, he shut his eyes tight.

Please work, please work, please work--

There was a bright flash of light. And then, standing over him was a man. Well, a demon, not a man, but he looked human enough. The only thing unnatural about him were his crimson colored eyes.

He stayed on the floor a moment, dumbfounded (holy crap it actually worked?), but when he finally stood up he realized that the demon was actually shorter than himself. It would almost be amusing if he wasn’t terrified by the demon’s expression. His face seemed almost devoid of expression, actually, but that was terrifying enough.

“What do you want?” the demon asked, voice sounding almost bored. Oh but of course, he was just some random, insignificant human. And he didn’t have any real reasons to summon a demon, he was just bored. Wanted to try something fun. This was like Bloody Mary, even if you didn’t believe in her, you still called her name in the mirror just to see. Now he felt stupid. He was going to die--

“Well?”

“...t’surname...”

Silence.

“Pardon?”

“Um… Oh, sorry. I was just wondering, well, um, what’s your name?”

“Names have power, you know,” the demon said. “I don’t just throw mine around lightly. Why should I tell you my name?”

His death warrant had likely already been signed in chicken blood, so he might as well just go for it. “Oh, well my name is Taehyung! And I summoned you here because I want you to be my friend. If that’s okay with you, that is.”

The demon blinked. Never before had he been summoned by a human so meek, and yet so bold.

“You want me to be your friend,” the demon asked.

“Yes…?” Oh god this was it, he was so very dead.

There was an uncomfortable pause. And then...

...the demon burst into laughter. But Tae was even more startled to find that the laughter was nothing like what one would expect a demon’s laugh to sound like. There was nothing maniacal or cruel about it, but rather the sound was light and airy, and extremely contagious. He couldn’t help but start to giggle too over the ridiculousness of the situation, and of how adorable the demon really was, having laughed so hard he fell to his knees.

“You’re serious, though?” the demon asked, standing back up and trying to discreetly wipe the tears from his eyes. “That’s actually the reason you summoned me?”

“I’m sorry if I inconvenienced you,” Tae said, blushing. “You can just go, if--”

“No,” the demon replied. “I’m not inconvenienced. In fact, the past hundred or so humans who have summoned me have all been so painfully boring. You’re the first interesting person I’ve met in nearly a century. For that, I’ll offer you my name. I’m Jimin.”

Tae’s mouth opened wide in surprise, and then he quickly closed it. “I-- you said that names have power. What does that mean exactly?”

“It means,” Jimin replied. “you can go ahead and summon me whenever you want. All you have to do is call out my name.”

“Jimin!” Tae said, practicing. Jimin didn’t budge from the spot where he stood, but offered a smile.

Over the next few weeks, Taehyung consistently summoned Jimin every few days. Sometimes to play video games (Jimin seemed confused by them at first, but soon proved to be almost too good at Smash Bros), other times to watch and make fun of bad horror movies (Jimin hated the way demons were represented in the media, and had a lot of opinions), and occasionally just to sit and talk.

“So, what’s it like in Hell?” Tae blurted out one day, while he was introducing Jimin to his favorite takeout pizza. (“They put chicken and french fries on the pizza?” “Genius, right?”)

“Honestly not too different from up here,” Jimin replied. “You’ll be disappointed to know we don’t have any fire pits.”

“Not even one?”

“Not even one.”

“What about dragons?”

One day, Jimin didn’t show up right away. When he eventually did appear a few hours after the call, he promptly collapsed on the floor, bleeding. There was black blood oozing out of a wound coming from his stomach, and the rest of him didn’t look so great either. Tae was, understandably, horrified.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, really,” Jimin said, voice very unconvincing.

“Not as bad as it looks?” Tae gasped. “What happened?”

“Accidentally ran into some…” He winced in pain. “Ran into some demon hunters.”

Demon hunters existed too? No, this was the absolute worst time to geek out. Instead, he said, “are you gonna be okay? Can I help?”

“I heal pretty fast,” Jimin replied, offering a weak smile. “Honestly, you’re helping just by having called me. Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. Was a little, y’know… preoccupied.”

“What happened to the demon hunters?”

Jimin’s eyes flashed bright red for a second, an eerie glint in them that would likely have struck fear in Tae’s heart if he didn’t already feel safe in the demon’s presence. Jimin didn’t offer any further response. He didn’t need to.

“So… do you want to watch a movie?”

And that was how the evening went. Tae helped Jimin to his feet and onto the couch, where they watched a few bad horror films before Jimin eventually fell asleep. Tae turned off the movie they had been watching, deciding to watch Jimin sleep instead. His chest slowly rose and fell peacefully, and Tae could tell that he had almost completely been healed. There were no more cuts and bruises on his face, and if he were to check, the wound on his stomach had probably already begun to fade into nothing. (He wasn’t too sure about the shirt though -- he had given him one of his own shirts to wear in the meantime, but he had no idea if demon blood even washed out of clothes with regular laundry soap, or if it would simply vanish away too). He wished he had fancy demon healing powers. He was always tripping and getting painful bruises and scrapes.

Still fast asleep, Jimin curled closer towards Tae, arms reaching out as if for a hug. Tae didn’t hesitate to cuddle closer. They had never been this physically close before, he noted. He wasn’t sure they were close enough friends yet to do this. They hadn’t known each other very long, and hadn’t discussed boundaries yet. But despite this, snuggling close to him felt natural. Felt right.

He did still feel a bit sorry for that chicken, though.

[remy-strange-lebeau]

Secret Heist Chapter 1

WARNING: MATURE LANGUAGE, CONTENT, AHEAD

Background: Remy and Anna LeBeau began planning a large-scale heist, including several magical item stashes.

One last member. That's all the Cajun needed for his heist. Anna was easy to convince, considering they were married. Wade took chimichangas and tacos down in Acapulco to join. For Logan, it was enough that Wade hadn't joined before then, plus a lot of whiskey. As for Dr. Stephen Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme, the knowledge of magical artifacts won him over. Standing outside an Irish pub, right in the heart of Dublin, Remy LeBeau could hear the man he wanted. Bullseye, one of the few men to have never missed their mark. The pub emanated Celtic Punk, the smell of dark beer and whiskey melded with fried fish and chips around the kitchen. Right inside, the atmosphere was apparent right away. A lot of wood detail could be seen, a rowdy sing-along going on. It reminded Remy a lot of home, back in New Orleans. The nights in the jazz clubs, blues bars, and pubs with his queen of hearts by his side. This was different though. This was business. Ordering a whiskey from the barkeep, the Cajun could feel the odd glances he was receiving, just from his accent. Looking around, he saw what he needed: a dart board. Walking over, he saw the man he needed, wearing a black leather trench coat.

“Ya mind if ah join ya for a game?” There was one sure thing that would catch his eye, and that was a demonstration of skill. “You don't look like much, lad, you sure you can keep up?” Bullseye’s response was cocky, his Irish heritage coming through. His build was just an inch shorter than the Ragin Cajun, but he was stockier. “Ah sure think ah can. An, if ah win, you gotta hear me out.” “Alright, yer on. And if I win, you buy me a round.” Lester handed the newcomer a set of darts, a smug grin on his face. Throwing a dart, the origin of the man's name was apparent. “Lemme see what ya got, lad.” “Well, ah wouldn't want ta show off, but,” the Cajun shrugged as he lobbed a dart at the board, hitting the bullseye,”ya asked fer it.” “How in the world?” Bullseye looked at Remy closer, noticing his red and black eyes, and that grin that was too charming for anyone's good. “You, you are Remy LeBeau, aren't you? I surrender this game, I'm buying you a couple rounds as we talk.” “Sounds good, mon brave, ah will grab a table.” Gambit watched the man as he grabbed a couple pints and a bottle of whiskey, sitting at the only empty table left. As soon as Bullseye was seated, Remy poured them each a glass of the liquor, attempting to establish some sort of common ground to work from. “Ah have an offer for ya, a job. Six person crew, equal cuts. Ah wanna hit dem hard, an get out right quick. Ah heard you was good wit weapons, and you have larceny in ya blood. Ah coul use a man like you.” “Wait, you're tellin me, that the most famous thief in the world, the King of Thieves at that, wants me, for a job? Tell me where to sign up. I would be honored, I am honored.” The newest member of Remy's little party was genuine in his statement, being able to work with a man of Gambit's caliber, being hand chosen by the man himself. Of course he would do it, especially since Remy doesn't hit small targets, his cut would be quite generous. “Glad ta hear, come to New Orleans, right in da French Quarter, you'll find a bar dat ah own. We all gon meet dere. One week.” Remy downed the whiskey, chasing it with a swig off his beer. He had a dream team now, the perfect balance of smarts, muscle, and weapons.

----------------------------------------------

“Sugah, you are lookin kinda nervous, come sit down.” Anna Marie, the woman who had stolen the heart of Remy LeBeau long ago, tried to comfort her husband, pouring him a glass of bourbon. “Remy, have a drink, you'll loosen up a bit.” The Cajun did just that. He sat down next to his Chere, and sipped on the drink she poured him. “Anna, what if Logan walks on out? He don't know ah got Wade in here.” He knew the history between the two, and yet he wanted them both anyway. They were both good at what they did, even if it was bad. “Someone say Wade?” The Merc bust through the doors, a bowling shirt over his suit. “Hey, you, yeah, the person reading this. I sure hope Logan doesn't try to kill me again, he didn't even give me a happy ending last time! The nerve.” “Wade, what you babblin bout over dere?” The King of Thieves inquired, knowing well about his constant interactions with the voices in his head. “What? Oh, I was talking to them, Remy ol pal. I was just telling-” Logan charged in, cutting Wade off. “Wade, the hell you doin here? LeBeau, you best have a damn good explanation for this.” The man may be short, but damn was he terrifying. Just his appearance was enough, let alone those adamantium claws in his hands. “Yes, it is nice to see you again, Logan. Tell me, how's the weather down there?” Wade mouthed off, just at the wrong time. Logan shish kabobed him, cutting him off from saying anything else. “Shut yer mouth, Wade, I like you best when you shut the hell up.” The Wolverine sheathed his claws, releasing Wade. Fuck he hated that mouth, but he wasn't going to sew it shut like that one terrible movie nobody talks about. “Fellas, come on, drinks on da house.” The Cajun handed them both a whiskey, that warm, charming grin playing on his lips. “Let's jus say ya both are pretty, an leave it at dat?” “Aww, thanks Remington, I knew you liked for-wait, were you hitting on me? Oh, you bad boy.” “Wade, I swear, I will slice your damn jaw off if you don't shut up.” “What's the magic word?” “Fuck you.” “Close enough, Wolvie. I'll keep my two cents to myself.” Turning slightly, Wade hid his mouth with his hand. “No I won't, I'll just give it to you guys. Yeah, you beautiful nerdy people reading this.” “Looks like we jus waitin for Stephen an Lester. How you been Logan? It's been awhile.” “Lester? Do you mean Bullseye? Remy, buddy, please tell me you didn't. Are you planning on there being bodies?” Wade acted with mock surprise, even covering his masked cheeks with his hands. “Yes, ah do mean him. An if I wasn't expectin bodies, ah wouldn't have brought you on, ah would've brought Murdock.” Logan lit his cigar, puffing on it as he drank his whiskey, pouring himself more to tolerate the old, musty avocado. “You know I'm with ya, Remy. Just tell us what the plan is.” “We gotta wait a bit, Logan. Not everybody is here.” Remy leaned back, holding a hand out to his darling wife. She came over, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Besides, we still gotta agree on what y'all are doin.” A portal opened up in the bar, and the Sorcerer Supreme entered, wearing his Defenders uniform. He had a smile on his face, looking at the four of them already gathered. “I do hope I'm not late, Remy. Something came up in the library.” “Ah, Stephen! Ya ain't late at all, mon brave, not one bit.” Giving a flourish of his hand, the mastermind signaled for the newcomer to sit down. A server brought out a tea kettle on a tray with a cup and sugar, specially made for the doctor. “Ah, thank you kindly. Are we waiting for anyone else?”

As if on cue, the final member of the team walked into the bar, dressed in a flattering black suit. Bullseye, the man who had gone toe to toe with Daredevil on so many occasions, had been given a new focus. “LeBeau, you didn't tell me Wade would be here. Not that I'm complainin, he's good.” “Lester, hey buddy. How's Fisk been treating you? Last I heard, you had died.” Wade reached for his boot pistol, trying to pass it off as if he had an itch. “Wade, it's been too long. We've been due for a drink or some coffee for a while, haven't we?” “I think we've been due for jack shit, you tried killing me! Without a happy ending!” “Oh Wade, that was business, nothing more.” Bullseye took a seat, graciously taking the pint of beer he was handed. He sipped it, savoring the flavor of it. “Mmmmmm, Guinness. LeBeau, you sure know how to treat an Irishman.” Clearing his throat, Remy got right down to business. While Rogue handed out folders holding the details, Gambit stood up, addressing his crew. “As ah am sure y'all know, dere is a collection of items in England, hosted by a nobleman. We gon take da whole thing. We get in, we get out, none of us get hurt. As far as da guards go, dey are expendable, so do as ya wish wit dem. Y'all's folders have da rest of what y'all need to know. Dere are also blueprints of the building we will be hitting. Study up, we gon meet back up tomorrow. Get on upstairs, grab a room, get some rest. Y'all gonna need it.” While the men all went upstairs, a bus boy came around, cleaning the glasses off the table. He came back, after taking the dishes to the kitchen, and wiped it down, a sad look on his face. Remy noticed it, and placed a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder. “Everythin alright, Bubba?” “Oh, uh, yessir!” Bubba replied rather quickly, before continuing. “Well, if ahm bein honest, ah sure am worried bout my mama, she ain't doin too well.” “Oh dear, we can't have that, not at all. Take dis, go take care your mother, take a few days off.” He handed the man a wad of cash, sending him on his way. Catching the look from his wife, Remy chuckled with a shrug. “What? His mama ain't been doin too good.” “Remy, what am ah gonna do wit you?” Anna placed her hands on her hips, a mock quizzical look plastered on her face. It was that wry smile that gave her away. “Well, ah think ya know what you gon do wit me, chere.” That playful grin was on Remy's face, she knew it all too well, yet not well enough.

[life-in-a-labrynth]

Kinda drunk right now but I feel like spilling out my feelings that have built up, I mean why the hell not? I found myself in the nth moment of feeling disturbed and afraid and hugging my elbows just a minute ago. I don’t think I’ll go all into why I’m disturbed but let’s at least give an update, yeah?

Okay so this might be an interesting dynamic but in my last post I was worrying about whether this girl Laura was basic or not. Okay let’s be a little kinder and say, whether we’re compatible. So I finally went on a real goddamn date with her and guess what? she fat. That whole “average weight” thing on okcupid was a sham. She just set her profile up a couple days before she met me (purportedly) too, so okay, guess she’s a liar or in denial. And ya know, sorry to be a hardass about the weight/looks thing, but you know, it’s important to me to be physically attracted to someone, okay? And what does it say that she’s deceitful about that?

In any case, more I wanted to unpack. So now I went on a date and yeah, she fat, and I thought about how we had the phone call and after it was over I felt kinda meh, because it didn’t feel like she stimulated my brain. She talked about this and that and yeah that’s cool and all, but she just didn’t seem to be operating on a high octane teh brain galaxy bullshit that I wanted. And yeah, hate to say it, but Dawn. I remember having a convo with Dawn about Game of Thrones and Martin’s method as a writer and how a character of his had felt ambivalent and even resentful about having a son and it was a good fucking conversation. I didn’t have that with Laura.

Should have gone with my instincts and not second-guessed myself. I wanted to believe that I was just bullshitting myself and this could be something good, can’t I just accept a good thing? Maybe I’m being overly critical, like Dawn was with me.

But eh, nah, not really. Look Dan, you’ll *know* when you feel thunderstruck. Kayla had better convos with you about politics. Laura didn’t even talk about politics, just a bunch of halloween bullshit and serial killers and blah blah and I guess we had some good conversations but it just didn’t stimulate me and make me think like some of the others did.

Like for christ’s sake, look at... I can’t remember her name, but we went for a walk in Wissahickon and I felt like we had really good conversations about racism and maybe I was blowing a lot of fucking hot air about Jonathon Haidt and she probably thought I was an obnoxious, droning goober, but damn it, it felt fulfilling! That girl didn’t feel basic. Maybe I was an obnoxious, droning goober, but I had the opportunity to be, because the conversation organically went to interesting political topics, not some other bullshit about whatever Laura was talking to me about.

And so yeah, it felt pretty decent to talk to Laura for 4 hours on the phone, but it just didn’t fulfill me the way that talking with Lis did, who on our first date, we talked for 6 fucking hours. For the love of god, why did I fuck that up? Ugghh... it was probably the right decision, I shouldn’t let my own loneliness get in the way of things. I shouldn’t regret a decision I made when I wanted so much and tried hard in good faith to make things work with Lis. But it just wasn’t natural. It’s not that I didn’t want it, it’s that it wasn’t working.

Okay, anyway. So I had the date with Laura and the moment I dropped into her car and set eyes on her I thought “oh no, nah, sorry, this ain’t gonna work.” We had a nice date and we chatted and ate french fries and mozzarella sticks and talked about serial killers and whatever other nonsense. I brought up free will on a concept but she didn’t really engage with it, bleh.

So yeah, okay, fine. It’s mean to say, but yeah, sure. Basic. That’s what she is. Good on her for going into nursing and trying really hard at it and getting good grades, though (yeah, she hasn’t even started nursing school yet bleguk lol) but whatever, stop judging you asshole.

Sigh. Okay. Sorry. Let’s get back on track. So I said soiya to her and she was cool with it. I felt kinda bad because I could see she was disappointed when I told her that I didn’t think we had a romantic future together, but she took it fine and said she hoped I found what I’m looking for.

And but so that ended, and I did what I always do and hit up dating websites and probably try way too hard. Hey Dan, try Tawkify, The Elite (or whatever the fuck it’s called) and Hinge next, because at this point it just feels like you’ve exhausted the possibilities on the other sites.

Tinder: no one’s fucking responding, except the one girl who was just a few messages.

OKC: same, except literally no one is responding. Why did they like my profile to begin with??

Bumble: Same exact thing. Matched with 4 women, extended all 4 of them, nothing. Messaged some other girl I had chatted a bit with, nothing. Messaged some other girl who said before she wanted to meet up with things felt “safe-ish”, but truthfully it’s been like 5 months so whatever, that’s fine and makes sense, but all the same, nothing.

idk OKC has always been a pretty good source to meet women but it’s just low, low, low quality these days. Like 14 out of 15 women who like my profile aren’t attractive, let alone that 90% of the rest just sound basic. Probably higher, like 99%. When was the last time that I felt thunderstruck? With Gina. But she was kinda crappy at convo, like she wasn’t even trying.

It’s all so frustrating and disheartening. I feel like there was more I was going to say. About how I became way less forgiving towards Laura after I found out she was fat. I was glad to slip into the conversation, organically, that sometimes people don’t look the way they do in profile pictures. I hope she took that to heart. Don’t put “average” weight in your profile when you’re a good 20 pounds overweight, honey.

Sigh. I’m sorry to be a dick, it’s just annoying. I wouldn’t normally care but she insisted upon chatting for a week before meeting up. Maybe she was apprehensive simply because she was insecure about the way she looked. Hey hon, a week won’t make a fucking difference. You were nice to talk to, but if you’re a heffer, it ain’t happening.

I’m sorry, this is so mean. But god damn it... like that’s the exact reason I told her that meeting face-to-face soon was convenient. I told her that’s the best way to determine whether there’s chemistry. I feel like a dick but I hope she’s learned something from that. Oh well. At least it’s not like with Adrienne, where I was totally god damn into her and she was smart and beautiful and face-to-face was just as wonderful as text messages, and... ghosted!

At least I wasn’t just another asshole who ghosted Laura. I was straightforward. I would never ghost someone, but it’s unusual that at the end of the date, if I’m not feeling it, I’ll outright say it. But Laura told me how important it was that people be honest, so I’m happy to have been able to give that to her, and not chicken out and wait until the next day to text and say I wasn’t feeling it. Or to kid myself into saying “well i just need another day to figure it out lol” when I knew very well that with whatserface (the one where we hung out and drank beer by schyulkill river and then went and got pizza afterwards) where I said “um idk lol  lemme think about it” then texted her the next day to tell her I wasn’t interested.

Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. At least you’re keeping an open mind. Not saying No outright.

Blah, meh, whatever. I think I already said that dumbass Mary finally got back to me to say “omg i’m liek so teh sorryz!!!11 I felt overwhelmed by whatever the fuck and consequently shut down and didn’t look at my phone at all!!!11″ So fucking dumb. You knew I texted you stupid bitch, don’t lie and say “well liek i mean lieko mg i just liek didn’t check my phone and didnt know u texted!!11″

But props to her to admitting that she needs to grow up. That couldn’t have been easy to admit. So I need to have grace with her. She admitted that she didn’t have a good excuse. So I had no reason to eviscerate her. I just said “Sure. Take care.” At least she felt bad. At least she was self-aware. At least she had the strength to come back and apologize and admit that she was wrong. I give her props for that, and so probably shouldn’t be so angry, but whatever, by the time that dumbass texted I was already over it.

Okay and so what now? This is weird but okay fine I’ll admit it. What sparked me to come onto here was because I had a few drinks and I cheated and bought another pouch of tobacco, bad Dan! How are you supposed to git gud at kickboxing if I’m a huffin-and-a-puffin all over the place? But I feel good because I got praise from the guy I partnered with at muay thai and I think I did a good job with him, and my knee-throwing is getting better! Hurray for me!

Okay and but so sorry, so the reason I came here was because I was drinking and smoking and watching Jonathon Haidt and Malcolm Gladwell and the roundtable was fantastic and then I started drinking and I was talking to this cunt on tinder who decided to stop messaging back after literally two messages (I fucking hate people), then I got sad and insecure and watched a couple episodes of Cowboy Bebop (almost done with the series)

Sorry to ramble on and fucking itemize everything I did this night, it’s so trivial and tedious to the reader but whatever, I don’t care. So I did all that and was feeling tired and decided to go back up to bed and thought of my shaven testicles and maybe fondled them without realizing it or maybe I just got horny, whatever

So then I came upstair sand I was going to masturbate and a common thought came to me and it’s been stronger lately, where I get scared. I’m scared about what I masturbate to. And even though it’s never really happened... I mean, not really... I don’t think? But I became afraid that I’ll become too addicted to what I masturbate to and won’t be able to have a meaningful sexual relaitonship when I do eventulaly get into a romantic relationship.

I don’t want to get hooked on certain sexual thoughts and have to use them when I’m doing the deed. Like I don’t want to have to be sleeping with a woman and start fantasizing about something else to achieve orgasm. This is scummy, but I don’t want to have to be getting my dick sucked by some smart and interesting and sorta cute but fat girl and be fantasizing about how she’s only doing it because she wants me to like her, like we’re on a date, first date, and she’s sucking my dick and it feels amazing but to push myself over the edge I had to give a voice to her thoughts

And the voice is “okay, this guy is really hot, I want him to like me, first impressions and all, I need to suck his dick really good. I don’t particularly like it, but you gotta do what you gotta do.”

RIGHT NOW. I’M GETTING A BONER RIGHT NOW AS I THINK OF IT. Then part of me wishes I saved her pictures so I could look at them again and remember her and think about her sucking my dick and get off on how maybe.. I mean probably not but what if that’s what was really going through her mind?

She was really sex-positive and communicative and awesome, and I was giving, and it seems like I mean she obviously enjoyed it when I licked her pussy and got her off, and it was kind aweird becaus eshe said that she came and the first time I didn’t beilev eher because it seemed really low intensity, almost an afterthought, “yeah I came”, and I jsut figured “well I guess she wasn’t that into it and didn’t want to keep at it, or maybe she was insecure, or this or that, but this whole ‘i came’ thing is a lie, she just wanted to move on and spare my ego.”

But then we went at it again the second date and she supposedly came twice and this time I outright said “are you sure?” and she kinda chuckled and she said “yeah, I think I’d know”, and so I believed her, she seemed sincere. Micro-orgasm, maybe, or maybe she’s just not super reactive/performative/exaggerated about her orgasms, I mean that’s prefectly possible, it was just weird, like I just had this powerful and irrefutable notion that she was faking

Wahtever, I don’t kven know why I’m still talking aoubt it. This all started beacuse I said that I felt bad about the things I masturbat eto. I think maybe I was molested. I think maybe I nede to see a sex therapist and it’s really strange and I don’t know. So and then like maybe I need to um like I don’t know but so maybe I can hit up Collette and se eif she has any colleagus I can talk to.

idk man but I had fantasiez about me seeing Collette and her giving me “sex therapy” and tehy were super sexy at the time, kinda sad and disappointed that those powerful fantasies didn’t last, the way that the ones with Lis do, they just keep coming, she’s the second fucking sexual partner I’ve had where I’ll consturuct all these elaborate fantasies about nonconsensual sex (or barely-consensual, no pun intended) and write literally dozens of pages about all these situations they get into about being humiliated and degraded, these sexcapades where they don’t want to be slutting themselves out and sucking all this dick but they hav eno choice because they’nve being blackmalied

God I’m such a fucked up person. I know I Shouldn’t be ashamed of nfantazies, isn’t that a truism now? No kick-shaming? lol kink-smaming. DAMN IT .Kink. Shaming. So anyway, yeah, I know, that’s the montra, and I know that people will know that but not take it to heart beacuse a lot o people are ashamed of their sexual fantasies. There are even women who hav fentasies about non-consensual sex and forced gang-bangs and shit like that, thank you to kink.com for showcasing some of these porn actresses who rae getting interviewed and telling their fantasies.

Hey bruh it don’t make no difference whether the scene I see is also their fantasie, not in particular, but knowing that some women fantasize about such evil, rapey things also exist and make me feel less bad about degrading women in my own fantasies.

Things are really strange and I love porn and porn star sand they’re super sexy and I shouldn’t be masturbating so much to them lmao literally I hav eno idea what i’m even talknig about anmyroe ,my mind just keeps gkinda going to lunch, I mean I Don’t think I’m more drunk than I was when I started this entry? Just giving less a fuck, but definitely more tired, I def feel tired now, I feel strange and sad and I want s’ much to fucking meet the love of my life but I can’t do it but whatever. I’ll probably beat off about Jackie (hell Dan write a story about her!) but maybe and maybe not but I’m just really fucking tired.

Goodnight.