#golly man I wonder what’s going on

[dottie-writes-haikyuu]

And We All Fall Down

This is part 10 of my fic Not Everyone Survives (But I will do the Best I Can). Tags and other chapters can be found here!

“It’s unethical. Inhumane.”

“This whole apocalypse is inhumane, Kei. Sometimes we have to do bad things to create some good.”

Koutarou wouldn’t realize this for a while. Kenma didn’t expect him to, and he definitely wouldn't make it a super known fact. He'd probably tell Shouyou, Bokuto, and Akaashi.

But according to what he’d found, the captain was immune to the virus. Which, in theory, was good. But it also meant that people would want him. To find a cure. Which was…good in theory, but Kenma didn’t exactly like that idea of their Captain being experimented on.

He walked into Koutarou’s room, where the man was doing sit-ups, which he definitely was not medically cleared to do. Kenma cleared his throat and watched the man’s eyes widen.

“Oh! Kenma! Hi, I was uhm! Doing…something…that was not sit-ups!”

“You’re going to tear your stitches,” he hissed.

“But I gotta keep up my muscle,” Bokuto protested in a whine.

“No. You have to take it easy so that you don’t rip your stitches.”

“Fine. Did ya need something?”

“Yeah, where’s Keiji?”

“I think he’s with the sharpshooters in training. I dunno, you know he just kinda does whatever to help out.”

“Yeah. Stay here, don’t do any more physically strenuous activity, and I will be right back.”

“You got it!”

The blonde went downstairs, walking into the room where they trained newer recruits. Keiji was in fact there.

“Akaashi,” he called, leaning in the doorway and watching the ravenette raise an eyebrow in acknowledgment but not look over yet.

“I need to talk to you.”

A nod, and the other finished with the recruit he was working with before walking over. Kenma nodded in the direction of the stairs and they walked up.

“Should I get Kuroo?”

“Probably, yeah. Meet us in Bokuto’s room.”

Keiji nodded, going off to find the other man. Kenma went back to Koutarou’s room. Now, he was doing curls.

“Bokuto!”

The man simply groaned, rolling his eyes, as he dropped the weight.

“Fine.”

Akaashi walked in with Tetsurou, and they all sat on the bed. Kenma closed the door to the room.

“Okay, the mutants that attacked Bokuto were fully capable of transferring the virus,” he started, and everyone in the room went tense. “I knew that, and so I ran tests on him. To see if he was a risk. Since he was bedridden and I figured since he’s captain and also our friend, we didn’t have the time to wait and see. And…”

Bokuto was clutching Akaashi’s hand, Kuroo looking ready to collapse.

“He shows no signs of the virus. I think he’s immune. Not even think, I know he’s immune. This has happened before and he’s never contracted it.”

The relieved breaths and Akaashi pulling himself closer to Koutarou, the ravenette leaning on the other man now, as Kuroo rubbed his hands down his face, were sights the blonde liked seeing, after the past 3 weeks.

“Kenma, you made it sound like he was about to have to be put down for fuck’s sake!” Kuroo complained.

“I know, I’m sorry. But no, Bokuto is immune. I, uhm…don’t think we should tell anyone. We don’t want anything bad to happen to him under good intentions.”

Keiji nodded, though Bokuto and Kuroo tilted their heads.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Koutarou asked.

“We all want the apocalypse to stop. Immunity means a possible cure. And a cure means potentially stopping the apocalypse. And well, some people are getting desperate. Have you told Ushiwaka that we’re pulling out of project 705?”

“We’re telling him tonight.”

“Alright, good.”

“So we don’t tell anyone else. Okay.”

Keiji nodded to himself, and Bokuto and Kuroo followed suit.

“Especially not Vega.”

“Yeah, no, they’d probably take him.”

“Or fight us for him.”

Nods across the room.

“So, I’m cool!” Koutarou concluded. Akaashi let out a breathy laugh.

“Yes, Kou,” he conceded, pressing a kiss to the other man’s cheek. “You’re cool.”

—

“Two tanks,” Satori urged. Shirabu sent the message at Ushijima’s prompting.

“We could let them recover and then revisit this, maybe,” Semi suggested. At the polite denial that Torch sent in return, Ushiwaka opened his mouth to agree.

“Two tanks, gas for the next three months, and a good amount of the cure if we manage to create it.”

Shirabu looked incredulous. Semi’s face remained blank. Ushijima sat for a long time.

“Wakatoshi, we have to do this for Taichi. We have to, and we have to convince them. Cmon, Toshi, we have to,” Tendou implored the brute. His eyebrow twitched, and his mouth downturned slightly, yet when he spoke, it was in agreement.

That was the game. Eita had figured it out the moment that Wakatoshi stepped into power. It had been him first, because the giant was never good at handling change and this was the biggest change of their lives. And Tendou…well, nobody thought of Tendou as stable enough to lead. So while he shut down, Semi was captain. Then Ushijima and Satori stepped in as Captain and second in command. Although the brute was only captain until big decisions needed to be made.

“Toshi, do this,” and it was done. Their captain was a puppet. But Eita didn’t care. It kept them safe. The only people they lost were rugrats. It ran things efficiently and effectively and sometimes he got to step back into power. Even when he didn’t, he still had more than anyone else on base.

It was very clear that Wakatoshi didn’t want to continue to raise the payment. He was sure the man would’ve called it off a long time ago, and just let Torch be, if Satori hadn’t spoken.

But he had. And a puppet will not disobey its master, only screw up its face and deal with it.

The normally inexpressive brunette had a slight frown and a line between his eyebrows. Which meant he was extremely displeased. But Tendou didn’t notice, this time.

Torch sent in another polite refusal, though a little more pushy this time. Keiji’s voice sounded a bit more uncomfortable when it sounded in the room.

“While we wholeheartedly appreciate you trying to make this worth our while, and the offer itself, we will have to decline. As you are aware, Torch is recovering from its own issues, and we will be permanently resigning from assistance with project 705 for our own safety. Thank you for the opportunity to work with you, and thank you for the offers. We do not expect the tank we were promised, nor do we ask for one. However, no offer will be high enough to make us change our resignation. Thank you again, but Torch will have to remove itself from your scientific affairs. We do hope that you forgive this, and that you understand. Ending communication.”

Tendou was shaking. Ushijima sighed. Semi…

Semi had lost hope in Taichi a long time ago. Until recently. But there was something that they were missing. Something that Torch may not have even been able to help with. So he wasn’t upset.

Shirabu set the laptop back on the desk.

“Don’t they understand that this isn’t just for Taichi? This is for all of us!” Tendou said suddenly. Shirabu glanced away.

“Bokuto almost died. It’s reasonable for them to want to pull out, Tendou—“

“Shirabu, you wouldn’t understand. We’re all going to die eventually if we don’t find a goddamn cure.”

“Well, we could at least let them recover,” Semi interjected. Satori only got more upset.

It was expected. Still, he felt a small bit of irrational protectiveness surge up within him when the redhead started going on and on and Shirabu inched closer to him. He took a few steps closer to the younger, putting himself partially between Tendou and Kenjirou.

They’d deal with it. Ushijima put a hand out and Satori quieted.

“We will continue working on project 705. We do not need Torch’s help. We will do this ourselves.”

“Yes, sir.” Semi replied with a nod. Shirabu nodded behind him.

“You two are dismissed.”

His mind was racing as he went back to the lab, as he looked at Taichi in the tank.

“Alrighty, rugrats, let’s get to it.”

They didn’t need Torch to get the cure.

They’d get it themselves.

They’d better.

The cure was for all of them.

—

Shouyou knew opportunity when it slapped him in the face. He knew it was too convenient to just be a coincidence.

Kenma had just told him that Koutarou was immune to the virus. While he was looking for a cure for the virus. He’d been praying and begging whatever god was up there for a solution.

This was it.

They could get Bokuto, and they could use him to find a cure and end the whole apocalypse. Tobio stood next to him, confused as to why he was so excited now. He hadn’t seen the message yet.

“Go get Tadashi and Tsukishima. And Yachi. I have good news..and bad news.”

The ravenette nodded.

“Is it about the message?”

“Yeah.”

His lover nodded, before leaving the room.

He stared at the message on his monitor.

This was opportunity. This was destiny. Gifted by god.

Fate.

Koutarou seems to be immune to the virus. Just found out because of the mutant attack lol. He’s healing nicely, so we’re all just emotionally recovering now. How are you?

-Kenma ^•ﻌ•^

His friend hadn’t changed much. They were best friends. They always had been.

He hoped the blonde would forgive him for this. Well, he would, once he put an end to the apocalypse.

The door opened and Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Yachi, and Tobio walked in.

“So, guys, you know how we’ve been looking for a cure? Bokuto is immune. But, I think we’d have to…take him. Y’know. Experiment to figure it out.”

“Well, we can’t just—“

“Well, we could. They’d forgive us, after we put an end to the apocalypse, as long as we didn’t kill him.”

Tsukishima seemed to be considering it. Tobio was already on board simply because Shouyou was the one who’d proposed the idea. Yamaguchi was wary, and Yachi…

She would need some convincing. That was okay. He had time.

And Tobio.

“I think even Bokuto would forgive us, once we put an end to the apocalypse. Don’t you guys want to live like normal again? Instead of living in fear? Losing people?” Shouyou questioned.

“It makes sense. I think we should,” Tobio agreed, just as Hinata knew he would.

Tsukishima sighed.

“That’s unethical. Inhumane.”

“This whole apocalypse is inhumane, Kei. Sometimes we have to do bad things to create some good.”

Yamaguchi was wavering.

“It’s either this or we all die in this shit,” Shouyou pointed out.

Yachi spoke up again.

“We could find another way…I just, well…he’s still recovering from the mutant attack, Hinata—“

“He’s almost fully recovered.”

God he loved Tobio for supporting him like this. He’d never think he was sick. He wasn’t. He just wanted to put an end to the apocalypse.

“He’s still got stitches, last I checked,” she countered.

“Then we won’t do anything too strenuous until he’s past needing stitches. Which he almost is.”

The woman finally sighed.

“And…we won’t kill him. Or be unnecessarily cruel,” Tobio assured her. “I’ll make sure of that.”

“…Okay.”

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi looked equally shocked at her agreeing.

“If it helps us end the apocalypse, we should do it,” Yachi said, partially to herself.

Tadashi looked at Tobio as if trying to see if he was being genuine.

Of course he was.

“Well…if it helps.”

Tsukishima finally gave in too.

“If it helps,” the blonde repeated.

And so, Shouyou would lead them to the end of this hell, and they’d all take advantage of this lifesaving opportunity.

This was for all of them.

Previous chapter | Next chapter

[pup-pee]

my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house

hey, whats up w/that?

[sailforvalinor]

Thoughts on my first Tarzan rewatch since I was a kid:

• Golly gee, I did not remember that both Kerchak and Kala’s very young son AND Tarzan’s parents get mauled by a leopard, it happens within the first ten minutes, and you actually SEE his parents’ bodies. Modern Disney would NEVER

• Also remember when Disney actually animated really good fight scenes, they had nail-biting tangible stakes, and they actually showed blood??? Remember when they weren’t cowards????

• REMEMBER WHEN TARZAN KILLED THE LEOPARD TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF TO HIS ADOPTIVE FATHER HAVING NO IDEA THAT HE WAS AVENGING HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER (AND MOTHER). REMEMBER THAT

• It’s been said before, but the effort put into the physicality of Tarzan is just top-tier—especially later into the film where he starts to mix his gorilla and learned human mannerisms. There is so much detail here and it’s fascinating

• Also, the times where they chose to make the gorilla conversations understandable to the audience or make them sound like gorillas (aka switch to Jane’s pov) is SO fascinating and does wonders for building up the “two worlds” dichotomy.

• Jane’s crush on Tarzan is SO obvious and honestly comes on so suddenly, she is delulu for days, but honestly I cannae blame her, if *I* was saved by a strong handsome wild man who couldn’t understand me but stared deeply into my eyes as if he could see my soul through them as he pressed the palms of our hands together, I’d probably fold too

• My favorite character was Tantor the elephant. WHAT a character arc, I was so proud of him

• Hey uhhhhhhhh remember how the villain of this movie died by inadvertently hanging himself and the movie indicated this by showing his dangling silhouette in a flash of lightning??? HELLO???

• Y’all like to give Ariel a hard time for giving up her voice for a man when Jane Porter permanently and irrevocably left civilized society to run away to the wilds of Africa to live with gorillas for a man she met a week or two ago who she’s still getting over language barrier issues with. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have done so, I completely support her decision, but I feel like if this movie weren’t so slept on some of y’all would have a lot more to say about it.

• In general Jane is a bit more unhinged than we give her credit for, and more power to her. She’s rapidly climbing the ranks of my favorite Disney princesses.

• And then her father joins her??? “People go missing all the time”???? LOL

• Finally, it’s been said before, but: Phil Collins, you legend. You did not have to go that hard on this film, but you did and we appreciate it so much

[kiyomitakada]

i know its a classic. possibly cliche already. but i do wonder about Tumblr In The Death Note Universe probably more than i should

2 notes

💅 toxicbff Follow

if i see one more post attributing kira's powers to ~supernatural powers~ instead of the obvious fact that the cia is doing a coup I'm going to start giving You the heart attacks

💅 toxicbff

of course i saw the news how does that not prove my point further

the idea that all the police around the world could be mobilized by one single person is ridiculous (just look at this list of how many civilian militia there are globally)

heart attack victims don't seize the way "lind l tailor" did

i don't know how to tell you that You Can't Kill People Just By Knowing Their Name And Face because this is Real Life and not the newest grimdark marvel villain

people need to stop being scared of the ~bogeyman in the closet~ and wake up to the fact that usamerica is trying to take over the goddamned world

💅 toxicbff

im going to kill you all and nuke this website

#sayonara you weeaboo shits

2,925 notes

👾 lets-go-geeks Follow

DO TRUMP NEXT

🕵🏾‍♀️ penny-penelope Follow

LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST

16,375 notes

❤️‍🔥 lovesickened Follow

i know its stupid but im so fucking scared for my brother i heard that seven people died this week at the prison he's in and iinjust dont kenow what to do ihate him for ehat he did to mom but i never wanted him to die

#vent tw #delete later

0 notes

🏎 fastandyurious Follow

if i get a single more comment about why i don't tag "genderbend" on my kiratective fics i'm going to blow up the entire building. we don't know EITHER of their genders. why don't YOU tag your mediocre yaoi genderbend instead

🔆 sparkling-world Follow

…OP, you realize the news reports all consistently use "he," right?

🏎 fastandyurious

of course i do???? just because you see something on the news doesn't mean you have to believe it?????? they don't have any information on kira yet but i'm supposed to believe the fbi knows their gender already??????? also kira is literally a fucking girl's name my classmate in elementary school was called kira

🔆 sparkling-world

Kira comes from the Japanese romanization for "killer," it isn't gendered whatsoever.

Also, evidence shows the majority of serial killers are male, so I'd argue that the statistics favor the fujoshis here.

🏎 fastandyurious

well evidence shows that female serial killers are just more fun to write about and I'd argue that you're ignoring my fucking POINT which is that we DON'T KNOW KIRA'S GENDER and if people don't want to read lesbian kiratective they can FUCK OFF MY BLOG

🥚 i-offer-eggman Follow

I offer you an Eggman in these trying times.

🔮 I-stands-for-le-gay Follow

@lashitpostcalligrapher yo can i get "the statistics favor the fujoshis" on my tombstone

#fandom: kira rpf #ship: kiral #never heard it called kiratective before… #also uh. prayer circle for op's classmate lmaoooo

2,107 notes

💃🏻 modelingmadness Follow

BOYCOTT EIGHTEEN MAGAZINE

THEY ALLOW KIRA-SUPPORTING MODELS AND ARE COMPLICIT IN THIS MASSACRE

SOURCES HERE AND HERE (TRIGGER WARNING: KIRA DISCUSSION)

PUSH BACK AGAINST HEART ATTACKS

🧚🏽‍♂️ harubaru Follow

golly gee ^_^ suddenly i feel like taking to the high seas in a way that the eighteen company cant get profit from. oh no ! who left this link here

🐦‍⬛ kuro--misa Follow

thanks for the link but jesus fucking christ man what happened to free speech. misa-misa's parents were killed by a burglar who kira punished. did you all expect her to just sit there, look pretty, and say nothing about it?

you people only like models when they're nice pictures for you to consume. you only like them two-dimensional and smiling and hot. the second a woman actually speaks her mind she's thrown to the wolves

💃🏻 modelingmadness

DID YOU NOT SEE MY BANNER YOU PIECE OF SHIT

#BLOCKED

140 notes

🐦‍⬛ kuro--misa Follow

lol. lmao even

#they blocked me but whatever #official eighteen site just said misamisa wont be in the next issue #(eighteen sucks but i kind of want to use it more out of spite now) #so much for apologism huh? #god. i feel sick. #hasn't she been through enough.

1 note

🥷🏻 kira-imagines Follow

Imagine you're going home after a long day. Suddenly there's a sound. "Huh? Whose there" you ask, dropping your keys on the floor. Then you feel it. A knife pressing in your neck.

"Don't move kitten" Kira purrs behind you. "You're all mine now…"

#kiraxreader #kiraxoc #kira #kira rpf #kira investigation #kira fucker #kira fudger #kira lover #kira haters dont touch #kira haters please touch #kira supporters please touch #l

5,733 notes

asahi-the-student-deactivated201

Hello, everyone! My little sister told me about this microblogging platform (I admit, I'm a Twitter refugee) and that many of you are discussing the Kira investigation on here. I'm really interested in hearing what your thoughts are!

💋 sunny-sayu Follow

let the record show he lasted like. a day

#i think it was the imagines that did him in #bro is so sensitive :p

15 notes

kiyomitakada

the world could be beautiful

[ @deathnotetober day 14: trigger ]

[wonderjanga]

Funny idea a Fawcet entirely just being full of magical drugs and everybody just chilling I'm just imagining a spell here the Justice League get hit with a de-aging spelling Fawcet that are now just stuck in there convince know that he knows what he's doing tricks them to believe in that he has a form where he can turn into a kid and teaches them everything about Fawcet City like the police to get the best cereal with the most edible yummy drugs

And how to make soup and stuff from rainwater and a bag of magical drugs that he's like soup if you boil them right

The JL had gone to Fawcett as a surprise for Marvel. They all wanted to give him a special little gift. Though unfortunately, Cap had been caught up fighting an evil witch. So they stood to the side, in civvies, and waited. That was until a stray spell from the witch happened to hit them. Next thing they knew, all of them, excluding Marvel, were children.

Marvel: “It should wear off in about a day.”

Flash: “A day? We have places to be!”

Aquaman: “Are you sure you can’t do some magic and reverse us?”

Marvel: *little frown* “I’m sorry but I can’t.”

See, the thing is, Billy actually could. But he wanted to use it to his advantage. If he could get them to think that his Billy form is just a form he can take, then in the future if he ever gets detransformed, this could be a good excuse. Since all of them were children, he just let them back to his apartment and shazamed back to Billy. Here are a collection of wonderful instances of their time together:

Billy: “Here’s a favorite treat of mine.”*gets out some cereal and puts it in a bowl, with no milk mind you*

Flash: “No milk?”

Billy: “No?”

Flash: “You are a vile creature…”

Billy: “Am not! I just like eating it as chips!”

Flash: “Oh that’s less vile than I thought- Wait, but then what do you use tfor the milk when you want to actually eat it as cereal?”

Billy: “Water?”

Flash: “I take back my statement about you being less vile.”

Billy: “Shush. Go get a little plastic baggy of white powder from one of the cupboards.”

Flash: “Aye aye, Captain.” *salutes before zooming off and coming back with the little baggy* “This?”

Billy: “Yeah, thanks. This is my special ingredient. Just scatter a little bit over it-” *scatters it over like flour* “-mix it,-” *shakes the bowl so it mixes in* “-and voila!”

Flash: *leans over to look at it* “What is it? Powdered sugar?” *takes a piece of cereal and eats it*

Billy: “No, cocaine.”

Flash: *spits it out onto the floor* “Dude, what the fudge!”

Supes: *peaks his head into the room in concern*

Billy: “Aw cmon, Flash. What the buck, man?” *sounds disappointed and looking at the chewed up piece of cereal on his floor*

Flash: “What do you mean what the buck?! You just made me eat cocaine-laced cereal!”

Supes: “What?!”

Billy: “I didn’t make you eat it. You ate it before I could tell you what it was!”

Flash: “Only because literally no one would suspect that you lace your own cereal with a hardcore drug!”

or

Doctor: “Ah Billy! You have another sibling?” *looks at Bruce* “Golly, he looks just like Patrick Wayne’s boy.(Ref my posts mentioning how every Fawcitizen thinks Bruce is Thomas Wayne) And who are these other little friends of yours? Why’s that one green?”

Billy: “He’s a Martian. He can’t control his shape shifting stuff yet. Anyways, can I please get my usual dose doctor?”

Doctor: “Of course, let me just get that for you.” *leaves and comes back with a little baggy of meth*

Billy: “Is that methamphetamine?”

Doctor: “No, it’s magic methamphetamine! Blessed by some faeries.” *gives it to Billy*

Billy: “Thanks, Doc!” *sees him on the bag of meth* “You want some?”

Batman: “Mmm… Yes.”

MM: “Bruce?”

Batman: “I want to study it. What’s wrong with that?”

Then, Bruce, Billy, and J’onn got back to the apartment, Billy made them all some soup. Soup that was made with magical herbs. Herbs that had intense hallucinogenic properties to those who aren’t from Fawcett. So while Billy was feeling a mild euphoria due to the herbs, everyone else was flipping hallucinating.

Hawkgirl: *in a corner intently staring at her hands because she’s hallucinating hung waaaay to many fingers*

Flash: *running up and down walls chasing a hallucination*

WW: *hallucinating being a cowboy and running around with a piece of string trying to lasso GL

Billy: *sleeping peacefully in his bed*

They all passed out together in a kid sleep pile on top of Billy after all this.

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Lucifer x Reader - Trapped (NSFW)

I needed to write a little something based on @the-other-soup’s ask that she got because it has been living in my head rent free!

****

Your relationship was fairly new; at this point you two decided to keep it under wraps for now

But even though it's only been a few months, it's been nothing but absolutely wonderful

And the activities in the bedroom were no exception!

You two felt like hormonal teenagers when you were alone together; there were times you wouldn't even sleep at night because you were too busy bringing each other so much pleasure!

One night after a drink or two at the bar, you decided to get a little bold and touch Lucifer while you knew no one was looking, gliding your hand up and down his thigh

Lucifer gave you a wide-eyed look, a small golden blush creeping across his face

It didn't matter that this angel was thousands of years old with eons of experience, he treated every intimate act with you like it was his first!

You two snuck away a little bit later (a few minutes apart of course as to not raise suspicion) and met at the elevator that would bring you to his penthouse suite

Once the doors closed, you grabbed his face and kissed him passionately; you couldn't wait to ruin him!

But then suddenly, there was a sharp screeching noise and a bang; the elevator had stopped dead in its tracks

"What the...? Oh come on, don't tell me we're stuck in here!" you pouted

Lucifer only shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the predicament you found yourself in "Ahh, well, that's a bummer! Guess we'll have to get someone to...GAAHHH!"

You decided you weren't going to let a dysfunctional elevator ruin the fun you had planned, and you let Lucifer know that when you began to palm his already half hard cock through his pants

"Uhhh, sweetie...honey...darling...w-what are you doing?!"

"Taking care of you, Luci.~"

You dropped to your knees in an instant, wasting no time unhooking his belt and pulling his pants down to his ankles and freeing his already leaking member

"L-Love, you don't need to do that! I'm fiiiiIIIII-FFFFUUCK"

The head of his cock found its way into your mouth as you began to lick tghe precum that had already formed

"I want to!" you responded with a sultry smile. "Nothing's gonna keep me from making you feel good.~"

"O-Oh golly..." the devil murmured

You opened your mouth wide, taking in as much of his throbbing cock as you could, letting it hit the back of your throat with utter delight

You bobbed your head down on him rapidly, pulling out the cutest moans you've ever heard from the man above you

Even though you were alone, Lucifer couldn't help but try to stifle the pathetic sounds he was making, praying to anyone that would listen that no one could hear their sinful act

But after only a few minutes, Lucifer pulled you from his cock, lifting your head to meet his gaze

You whined but Lucifer only smiled back as he effortlessly lifted you up and forced your back against the elevator wall, your legs wrapping around and clinging to his waist

The fallen angel wasted no time pulling you panties aside, not bothering to undress you fully; he needed you just a s badly as you needed him

Slowly he lowered you down on his aching cock; pushing inside of you so easily from how wet you already were

Your moans echoed in the small chamber you were trapped in as he filled you up completely

"L-Lucifer, please...need you...please move..."

"A-Anything you want, my dear.~"

Lucifer fucked you against that wall like his life depended on it; you muffled your screams by biting into his neck as his paced quickened with every thrust

Lucifer could only choke back so many sounds before they inevitably escaped his throat; his body refusing to deny the euphoria he felt when buried so deep inside you

With a few more thrusts, he brought you over the edge; you screamed his name as your sensitive walls pulsed around your lover

Lucifer's orgasm followed yours almost immediately when he felt you squeeze his cock, emptying his cum inside or your needy cunt

Once you both caught your breath, Lucifer set you back down on the ground, making sure you could stand on your own and pulling up his pants once more

And then suddenly, the elevator sprung back to life as it began its ascension again

"Oh, well, that's fortunate!"

"Y-Yeah, very fortunate..."

Your head turned immediately at his suspicious response. "No...Lucifer, you didn't..."

"I uhh, well...you see, I..."

"YOU STOPPED THE ELEVATOR ON PURPOSE?!"

"Please don't be mad! I-I thought it would be a funny little prank! I didn't expect you to...that wasn't my plan at all!"

"So you're telling me when could have gotten out of here at any time?!"

"Yes, I guess technically. But you know, sweetie, I could have just teleported us out of the elevator at any point, you know?"

"...Okay, I'm gonna be honest, I completely forgot you could do that. That's on me. But you're still an ass!" you joked, pushing him gently.

The elevator stopped as it reached the top floor

But before you could step out, Lucifer scooped you up in his arms with ease, causing you to squeak

"Please forgive me, my love, let me make it up to you! I think I'll start by using my tongue to clean up the mess I made. And it may take me all night.~"

[kiame-sama]

Lately I've been haunted by NRC employees.

Reader is dozing off somewhere

NRC Staff: *Wakes Reader*

Reader: *Not yet awake, said in a whining voice* Dad, let me sleep for 5 more minutes.

After regaining consciousness, Reader continuously bowed his head to apologize to the NRC staff.

Reader: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude to you. 😳😰😰

He doesn't even look up from the form he is filling out, still somewhat smiling from being called 'Dad'. "I know you didn't, little one."

He knows you're stressed and you are upset with yourself for snapping at him, but he isn't even worried about being snapped at. Instead, he is filling out an official appeal to make himself your legal guardian. Of course, he has to tell his daughters that they have a new little sibling, but he is sure they will take it in stride.

Oh. OH. You think he's your... Well, it is unexpected, but he is certainly not angry about it. You calling him dad is all the permission he needs to start treating you like his child.

He will be buying you clothes much like his own and taking you to the tailors to get them fitted. He will NOT be accepting any complaints from you on the matter either. He is YOUR FATHER and he is taking it more than a little seriously. Your 'pet' Dire Cat is going to get a makeover too. By the time Divus is done with you no one will be able to question who your father is.

At first, Coach Vargas isn't sure he hears you properly. He wonders if you are just being sassy or if you are actually confusing him for your father figure. Either way, he takes it in stride and decides he is going to be the best parent you could ask for. After all, you are the only non-magic student and you have zero family outside of Grim.

Once Vargas decides he is your father, there is no going back. From orange slices for snacks to checking in on how your homework is coming along, he will be 100.10% your father.

Sam is shocked. He's only 25 and you think he is your father? Well... I mean, it isn't like he has any issues being your father. If anything, he sees himself as more of an older brother to his kind little Imp.

He's going to throw himself into any education he can find of being a good guardian/father even if he feels he is a little too young to take care of someone else like that. You'll find that he's too fond of you to take your money now and he will be inviting you to any holiday he has outside of campus. Perhaps you shouldn't have decided that he's your parent, but by golly he has to make sure you are safe in such a rowdy school.

I have the distinct feeling he is a Fae of some kind- likely a crow/raven- so he won't really understand that he shouldn't take a child of man to parent as many Fae have the desire to take humans as their own young. You don't really have anyone to take care of you other than Crowley and the other staff members, so why not take this baby bird with no wings and feathers as his own.

He is not a good father and it will show, but he will try to be a good father at least. He does forget that humans need more to survive than the occasional food and affection. He will encourage all of the staff to treat his little chick as his own and will be the father that cares when it is convenient for him, taking a kind of "takes a village" approach to taking care of his new ward. He is your official guardian, after all, so you may as well just call him father or something similar. Isn't he just the best father to ever exist? What a great guy, right?

[gothamite-rambler]

Gordon Meets the 2nd Robin

Commissioner Gordon: Batman and Rob- That is not the same kid.

Batman looked at his Robin (12 year old Jason Todd) as the kid stared at the bat signal.

Robin (amazed): That's the bat-signal... that's wild.

Batman (lying): You have no proof of that.

Gordon: The last Robin you had was nowhere near this short. That guy was at least 17 or 18 when I last saw him. He is close to filing taxes this one looks like he's just starting Middle School.

Robin (shrugging): He's not wrong.

Batman (slightly nervous): Um... Hold on I have a reason for this.

Robin (jokingly): Magic.

Robin chuckled at his joke as Batman shook his head with a smile.

Robin (with a different pitch in voice): I'm Robin, that's all you need to know.

Gordon: They don't even sound the same. They have different builds. You "adopted" another child?

Batman (offended): It's not weird, don't put quotes around adopted!

Gordon (concerned): It's weird.

Robin (indignant): Why does this bother you so much?

Gordon: What?

Robin (standing his ground): I'm Batman's vigilante, I am his voluntary vigilante, his sidekick. He took me in and cares for me. That's all you have to be informed about. I agreed to wear this suit that has to mean something. He's not a diddler if that's what you were wondering. I'm not crying, I'm standing next to this man in the cold, the Gotham cold, ready to fight crime. I'm built for this! If I had an issue I'd kick him in the balls and run. If this bothers you so freaking much ask the kid. Hi, I'm the kid. It's fine.

Batman (impressed): ...There you have it.

Gordon (taken back): Damn, geez sorry... Sorry.

Robin: It's cool, it's cool, I'm just warning you. You should know this by now. He works with people, said sidekick is a highly skilled and trained kid. If you see him standing with someone in a robin suit, do not be thrown off by that fact. People be like "Golly g willikers he has a kid sidekick". Yeah get over it!

Gordon (raising his hands to calm the child down): Okay, okay.

Robin: Thank you, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk around the roof and look at stuff while my partner talk to you.

Batman: Okay, stay on the roof.

Robin: Yes, sir.

Robin walked around the roof while looking off the ledge and being goofy.

Batman (appreciating his new son): Neat, right?

Gordon (annoyed): Yeah... neat was not the word I was thinking of.

First Robin Third Robin

[imjustdelusionalok]

yandere dc: meeting camgirl! darling <3 pt. 1

have you ever wondered if...

the batboys and conner k. have met cam girl! reader?

The answer is..... yes! She has met most of them, but the same cannot be said to the other poor precious viewers of hers ;( feel very bad to the other members of the young justice and teen titans for that.

Warning for everyone: darling and my headcanons is sooooo unserious, and darling is probably a gen z-er whose referencing too much tiktok trends 😭 be warned

and anywho, these are my headcanons for their meetings <33

please repost i luv you >0!!!

　

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎

ᵈⁱᶜᵏ ᵍʳᵃʸˢᵒⁿ ᵃᵏᵃ, 'ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗʷⁱⁿᵍ':

one of our witty girl's most biggest and annoying dedicated fans in her stream! (He ranks 3rd in donating, and 1st in annoyance)

this man is LOADED with money, and knowing how darling can get greedy sometimes... yk what happens.

(not like he has any complain tho, as long as her attentions on him, shes allowed to take, take, take, take, and take from him <3)

How he met her fr is during on one of his late night patrols in bludhaven, he finds her on one of the empty streets in the city.

He gasps, very worried but so so excited.

'Bunny! :0' is what this man immediately thinks. Its his term of endearment for you, for looking so innocent and soft... yet so fierce and mischievious once known. (Live you is CRAZY.)

But 'Bunny', after seeing the man in blue and black latex, stood so still to the point of looking like this: 🧍‍♀️

You and him had a staring contest, so awkward and silenttt

Tho he snaps out of his train of thoughts when you finally, start to move.

Nightwing: !!!?!?!??

Darling: ....👋👋

nightwing: ...oh--

The hero of bludhaven could only pout inward, your normally so talkative and so very sharp tongued, so why wont you talk to him like you always do bunny? :( (this man forgot hes in his nightwing persona for a sec 🤦)

Turns out, our dear is very awkward when around people :( (or atleast to strangers face to face, bc she has absolutely ZERO shame when it comes to online people and her friends-- or that depends idk bc girly is unpredictable)

Anyways, before he could speak up, you ran away.

Nightwing was very worried, so he stalked followed you as you make your way back home.

Once you locked your doors and go to sleep, he takes a sigh of relief... but not before pulling out his phone and taking a picture of your address and place.

<3 what a nice little home his darling has.

(From that point on, you see this man in both his hero and civilian persona almost too often for your taste.)

Darlings pov on dick is that hes pretty f*cking annoying, and nightwing is 100 times worse

Fun fact: you often throw things at him, curse at him, or sometimes even FLASH at him whenever hes nightwing.

(he once tripped on a slime you threw and he fell straight down to a garbage can. Whoops.)

you think hes lame sauce and cringe af

you also think hes the type to say 'Golly' Unironically. (Hmm maybe u should start calling him that 😈)

Darling seeing dick/nightwing on top of the roof of another house infront of her own: go home you sicko 😾

Nightwing literally camped on top of it with the rest of the batboys visiting him + watching darling also: 🏃‍♂️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ (minus a running jason since he CANNOT be caught watching her as he has the 2nd best relationship with her in his hero identity)

Yandere rating: 100% on money, ∞% for nuisance, 50% for humor (-100% as nightwing sadly)

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

ʲᵃˢᵒⁿ ᵗᵒᵈᵈ ᵃᵏᵃ 'ʳᵉᵈ ʰᵒᵒᵈ':

ofc this man is one of her favorites 😒 darling really has both the worst and at the same time, most interesting taste in men.

Hes in your top 10 on donations, but he can be very busy sometimes ;(

(Huhu but dont u worry, he makes up for it by giving u ur well deserved hundred grand before flying away to the next big battle he has <3)

In civilian, he prolly met u loitering around wayne manor's gates

(Dont ask how darling LIVES in bludhaven, yet is also in gotham 💀)

Your pretty face, so familiar, he recognizes you almost immediately even in his disheveled state in the morning.

...you were that p*rnstar. 😦 (ps: u middle fingered at him after hearing dat)

"--hey, okay, i'm sorry for saying that-" after hearing his apology, you put down your raised fists and eyed him. From head to... waistline actually his dick as you see the very scrumptious outline of it even through his baggy pants.

His eyes follows yours and-- hes flustered! Your such a perv, really, even when not in front of your screen you still do things like this?! >:( (not that hes complaining... he knows u like what u see and maybe wears these types of pants just in case u show up somewhere miraculously like today-)

"...You--" he sighs, pinching his nose. Its so early in the morning and your already at work in spreading chaos--- oh.

He stares down below him, feeling your arms hug him with a sweet smile on your face.

He gets hard a bit. God your even more beautiful face to face--

"Teehee, i always wanted to meet one of my fans :D especially you, mr. Big ;)"

...ah, he feels a lot warmer all of a sudden, the faintest red staining his cheeks. You... your such a cheeky little--

"Hey stop THAT!!--" he shouts, as you snuggle him aggressively >:)

(After that, he gives you some hefty money, and you feel very blessed afterwards and asked if hed liked a 'hawk tuah' as a reward)

...he dont know wtf is a hawk tuah. "You and your weird trends..." he groans, but watches you run around. like a playful little kitty.

If your a bunny to dick, then your a small little kitten to him. It makes more sense, you arent fit to be a bunny, your way too loud to be one--

"Hey i heard that >:(" he sees you stomp your feet.

...okay, maybe then just a little bit. Just a little...

Yandere rating: 89% on money, 5% for nuisance, 85% for humor (90% as red hood <3)

(everyone there will be a pt. 2 for tim damian conner and terry so stay tuned 😍)

(update: i think of rewriting this bc pt. 2 is so serious compared to this 😭 i think i was also high)

[cheezeybread]

hihi! I saw your requests were open and was wondering if you'd do head cannons with any of the first years you want (romantic expt Ortho obvi) where the reader has natural wavy/curly hair (2C/3A) and always straightens it,but one day their straighter broke and they had to go to school with their natural hair?

HECK YEAH

As a curly-haired girlie myself, this just hits different <3

𝙁𝙩: 𝘼𝙘𝙚, 𝘿𝙚𝙪𝙘𝙚, 𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙊𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙤, 𝙎𝙚𝙗𝙚𝙠

I'm SoRrY I can't write Epel that well :(

𝘾𝙐𝙍𝙇𝙔 𝘿𝘼𝙔𝙎

●・○・●・○・●

𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀

Literally doesn't even notice anything is different.

Maybe he'll have a feeling that something's off....but he can't quite figure out what....

You're gonna have to tell him straight-up, baby, he's about as thick in the head as they come. Ain't nothing getting in his brain.

Of course, once you tell him, Ace tries to play it off like he knew but was just waiting for YOU to be comfortable enough to share it with him.

God love him, he tries to hard to be cool.

But by golly, he absolutely LOVES this natural hair of yours now that he notices it

He's totally gonna think of reasons to drag you all over school grounds, just so everyone in the entire school can see you and your fancy-dancy hair!

Even if you tell him you don't think it's fancy-dancy, he does NOT agree and WILL keep calling it that.

The next day, when you come to classes with it straightened again, he's obviously gonna sulk about it a little bit...and after he overhears something about straightened hair losing its straight-ness when wet....he's gonna find a way to dump water on you so he can see your wavy hair again!

Which might be the wrong route, but he just loves you so much and can't get enough of your hair.

●～●～●～●～●

𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐃𝐄

"Ohhhh, my mom straightens her hair, too! Why not just leave it natural?"

He's well-versed with the world of hair-styling simply from his mother's own routines when she was younger.

Now that he knows your secret, he's totally gonna buy you hair supplies specifically FOR your natural hair...you know, he was just out shopping at the school store and came across this special cream that reduces frizziness, why don't you try it out??

Of course, if you tell him that you prefer to have it straightened (either for convenience, or because you're self-conscious about it), he'll do his best to support your decision, and he'll stop buying the wavy hair products.

Heck, he'll even try his hand at straightening your hair for you!

He'll burn his fingers a lot the first few tries (which he makes you "kiss the pain away". He's a bit cringe, but hey, he's your cringe), but soon enough, he'll be an expert with that sucker!

You now have a new hairstylist! Tadaaaa

●～●～●～●～●

𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐋

He's such a king, he notices right away what's up with your hair and gives you a nod of appreciation.

Jack may not be the best with words, especially not words of affection, but he's working on it for you! So expect some shy compliments of how nice you look!

You can even catch him whispering under his breath sometimes about how he "likes the look" and you should "wear it more often", but if you ask him to repeat what he said so you can hear it better, he'll get flustered and say something like "I SAID IT'S REALLY HOT OUT"

He's pretty chill about the whole thing, ngl. He doesn't try to pressure you to straighten it again nor leave it how it is, he just appreciates it whatever style it's in. The natural look, he's just considering it as a treat!

PLEASE start wearing your natural hairstyle around this poor man, because he's not going to ask you to do it, even though he reeeeeally wants you to.

Poor Jack just figures that you should do what you want- after all, it IS your hair.

Once he learns about straight + wetness = curly hair, expect some swim dates, and walks in the rain.

You've been warned

●～●～●～●～●

𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐃

The poor little dude is trying so hard to figure out what's wrong with you at first

But then when he gets closer to you, he realizes that it's just your hair, in a different style!

He knows that people can curl their hair, straighten it, and do whatever they want to it, so why should he be so surprised?

More likely than not, he already knew your hair type was different from the straight hairstyle you wore everyday, simply from scanning you for injuries when he hangs out with you (Yes, he most definitely checks you over every time, he can't have his friend getting hurt and not do anything about it!)

Once you tell him your tale of woe regarding your hair straightener, Ortho lights up and offers to fix it for you! He also has a built-in mini hair-straightener (because he has everything else, why not!) and offers to straighten your hair right here, right now, if you want!

Truth be told, he likes any of your hairstyles, so wear whatever you want with pride!

●～●～●～●～●

𝐒𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐊 𝐙𝐈𝐆𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐓

Yells very loudly when he first sees you: "WITCH, THEY'RE A WITCH"

But then he realizes that they're all at a school for magic-users, and that you're the only one amongst them that DOESN'T actually have magic!

So he's just very confused as to how you changed you hair so suddenly.

When you tell him about your hair straightener breaking and how this is your natural kind of hair, he immediately wants to see the straightener.

He's so awestruck by this little device that's an over-glorified piece of hot iron.

"I WILL TAKE THIS MACHINE UNDER MY CHARGE", he loudly exclaims, taking your hair straightener and rushing back to the Diasomnia house.

He'll definitely get someone in Ignihyde to fix it (Or, rather, he'll get Lilia to go in his stead to get someone to fix it, but once it's all nice and working again, he's gonna use that sucker until it breaks again!

Everyone in Diasomnia walks around with badly-straightened hair. Half of the dorm member's hair is already straight, so Sebek tried to make it even STRAIGHTER.....there's a thick hair-burnt smell hanging around the dorm.

But yeah, you're not getting your straightener back after that. Besides, Sebek likes your wavy hair! It matches your personality a lot more, in his opinion ;)

●・○・●・○・●

[stinkysam]

Lucifer Morningstar - No redemption for me.

Warning : none

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : “May I req Lucifer x Crowley!(from Good Omens) Reader? 👀👀” - anon

Reader : you/yours

Lucifer was the first to fall. You were second.

But despite sharing the same destiny, you and Lucifer were never really that close. It's only when he was invited at the Hazbin Hotel that he saw you, helping his daughter.

Now, it's true he never really heard about you after your fall so he had no reason to worry.

All he knew is that you worked for hell and would spend a majority of your time on earth to tempt the humans into a life of sin as he was told. So he wondered what you were doing here. It's with caution that he shook your hand.

“Hello.” You flashed him a toothy smile as you shook his hand, your eyes hidden behind your shades. “‘Tis been a while.” You said, continuing on smiling.

“Golly, yeah. Ahah.” He let go of your hand to move his hat a bit. “What have you been up to ?”

“Oh,” You grimaced. “This and that.” You put your hands in your pockets. “More this than that, actually.”

A bit confused by your words, Lucifer stared at you.

“And ‘this’... is ?”

“The hotel !” You exclaimed, putting your hands in the air before placing them back in your pockets.

“I thought you worked for hell ? You know, tempting humans…”

“Oh, yeah… yeah… As much as I can, I guess.” You said more quietly, as if thinking. “Yep… And you, King of Hell ?” You turned to him, smiling once more.

“Oh, uh, I still have words with heaven from time to time.”

“So you're still working with them.”

“For… as much as I can.”

“Same as me !” You exclaimed, chuckling lightly, making Lucifer laugh as well.

“So…” He started, looking away.

“Mh ?” You hummed, raising an eyebrow, your shades sliding slightly down your nose, exposing your yellow irises.

“For someone in charge of the temptations you're doing a rather nice thing.”

“What nice thing ?” You looked at him confused, your face turning serious as you pushed your glasses back up.

“The hotel !” He exclaimed, imitating you with his hands in the hair before lowering them.

“Oh, this isn't ‘nice’ !” You grimaced. “I'm not nice, I don't do nice !”

“Then what is it ? Helping my daughter with her redemption hotel ?” It was his turn to raise an eyebrow, leaning closer.

You grimaced, frowning.

“Why are you helping my daughter, then ? Thinking about redemption and going back up ?”

“Oh, nooo. Me ? An angel again ? No. I'm better off in hell… Kinda.”

“Then why do it ?”

“Bored, mostly. Mainly. Primarily ?”

“And also because deep down you're nice.”

You hissed with a grimace, feeling cornered.

“I see you're a bit of a bastard.” You said, making Lucifer laugh.

“I better get going. Charlie is going to give me a tour of the hotel. Wanna come ?”

“Nah. I already saw it.” You waved him off as you looked toward the bar to get a drink. “Well. See ya.” And with that you were gone. Leaving Lucifer with Charlie and Alastor.

He saw you again during the fight with Adam. You had suggested that everyone should leave the hotel to hide somewhere safe and far away from here but Charlie had refused. Running away was not an option.

So here you were, fighting with Charlie and your mutual friends as you kept yelling swear words and menaces at anyone that would dare attack you or your friends. Then, Lucifer came and quickly ended the fight with Adam, sending the exorcists back to heaven without the first man.

You helped rebuild the hotel, without singing or dancing with the others simply because that song wasn't your jam.

“So, you stayed. To fight.” Lucifer said, walking with you inside the new hotel.

“Well, of course I did, I wasn't… I wasn't gonna let them fight on their own !” You defended yourself, already knowing where it was going.

“It's nice of you.”

“It's not nice. Stop it. I'm not nice.”

Lucifer shrugged as he smiled. He stayed at the hotel till everyone was inside and as peace slowly settled over you all it was time for him to leave.

“Will I ever see you again ?” He asked, hope in his tone.

“Oh, yeah.” You nodded, confidently with a grin.

That's how you two started to be in touch with each other. Each time he would visit the hotel, he would spend time with you. Although you didn't talk much about your time as an angel, Lucifer did.

He liked to talk about your creations, how you helped put the stars in place. He felt strongly about your fall and let you know about it. But you just waved him off. You were glad to not work with heaven anymore with their stricts rules and no questions allowed. They don't even have a suggestion box !

Not that you were better off with hell, but at least you couldn't fall further and they let you do most of the things you wanted to do.

[alexa-fika]

Hello there may I request Whitebeard pirates find out about Ace has an older sister (not by blood) can you do their reaction when they saw Ace has a beautiful big sister with two different eye color one deep sapphire blue and a rich lavender color

She has a devil fruit that can make her manipulate silver

Reckless Charmers (Whitbeard pirates x f!reader)

A/N Here we gooo, A whole month after 😂, im slowly putting a dent in my requests yall. I had a hard time deciding where to take this, and in my first draft I thought I had it but I realize I djn’t have either silver nor heterochromia so , major fail 😂

Reader here is replaced by dokucha which stands for reader in japaness

Dividers by @/Saradika

“Ace, how much longer till we get there?” She yells over the roaring of the striker, glancing behind her towards the man powering the boat

“We’re almost there; I see the Moby. It should be just a few minutes now.”

“You did tell them I was coming, right?” She questioned

“Well….”

“Ace..”

“Do they even know you have a sister?”

“Well, it didn’t really come up?”

“Ace!”

“Hahahahaha! Don’t worry so much they will love you.”

She sighs, turning her attention to the landscape in front of them

“You’re unbelievable, Ace.”

“Yeah, Yeah, we’re here.”

“Race you to the top?” She said with a grin

“Really? We’re not kids anymore Dokucha”

“Aw- Hey! You damn cheater!” She hollered after he jumped towards the galleon, quickly transforming her neck into a silver lance and using it to impulse herself after him

She scowls at him as they land on the deck of the galleon

“You litt-

“Ace, you’re back,” a voice cut in

“And you brought someone with you-yoi,” he states, glancing at the woman questioningly, throwing a disapproving glance to Ace

“W-Wait, it’s not what you think! This is my sister, Dokucha!”

He hums, glancing at the woman beside him

“Hi, I hope I am not intruding” she stated, giving the commander a small bow

“No, not at all, Ma’am. Make yourself at home,” he said, throwing her a smile

“Thank you, Sir; I appreciate your kindness.”

“Ah, no need for formalities, just call me Marco; hey Ace, you should bring her around more often-yoi,”

“Hmm? Why’s that?”

“You can learn a thing or two from her, maybe how to be a little bit more civil-yoi.”

“W-What’s that supposed to mean?!” He scowls

“Hey Ace, who’s the beauty you brought?” Thatch questioned, walking towards the trio

“This is my Sister, Dokucha”

“Well, Golly, ma’am, do excuse my honesty, but you look sweeter than a cherry pie,” he drawled, giving her a smile

“You have wonderful eyes, my; I could just lose myself in them, don’t see a pair like yours every day.”

She flushed at his words, giving him a small smile

“Charmer, aren’t you?”

“I can see where the good genes went to.” he quipped back

“We’re not related by blood; also, go to hell, thatch.”

“You want to go at it, firecracker?”

And just like that, Dokucha found herself sitting next to Marco as the two commanders went at it, the crew slowly gathering around them and cheering them on

“Is it always like this?” She asked, sipping on a drink provided by one of the members as she glanced at Marco

“Usually takes more jabbing to make them go at it, but it does end up like this at the end of the day,” he said, watching the two go at it

“He is right; you do have wonderful eyes; I‘ve never quite seen such a case of heterochromia-yoi.”

She throws him a grin

“Thank you”

“I saw you making a lance when you came into the boat, are you a devil fruit user-yoi?”

“I am; I didn’t quite make a lance more so than I changed it into a lance.”

“How so?”

“I’ve got myself the gin-gin no mi; essentially, I can control and become silver; I always carry around silver jewelry so I can change into a weapon when necessary.”

“Ah, a logia?”

“That’s right; Ace, Sabo, and I are all logias; Luffy is the odd one out with his zoan fruit; you have one as well, don’t you? A Zoan-type”

“That’s right; how could you tell-yoi?”

“You ha-

Her words are cut off as a blade headed her way, which she simply avoided by moving slightly; glancing at the blade, she noticed how the wood began burning under the blazing blade; she followed the trajectory to the two men who had stopped their brawl to look at the damage they had caused

“Shit, Thatch, that’s our cue to get out of here,” Ace curses pulling his friend away

“Hah? Why?”

“Listen, man, you don’t want to find out what happens next.”

She gives them a tight smile, rapidly transforming her jewelry into a staff

“Marco,” she called

He hummed in response, curious at the sudden shift in attitude

“You are the vice-captain, correct?”

“I am”

“Then I formally request permission to show these two a lesson.”

“Approved-yoi,” he said with a grin, leaning his head against the palm of his hand

“Marco, you damn traitor, Thatch run!”

“Where are you going, little brother?” She said, approaching the two

Yall I had to being out southern Thatch out, this was the perfect chance, I just had to have a flirty Thatch, we need it

Taglist:

@imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

[fox-guardian]

it will never not fuck me up that what happened to Danny stoker is never. NEVER. referred to as a death.

[ID: A section of the MAG 104 transcript reading: "[Bitterly] Statement of Timothy Stoker, on the disappearance of… of my brother, Danny, four years ago. June 14th, 2017." end id]

Tim's statement was about his disappearance, not his death.

[ID: Two sections of TMA transcripts. The first is from MAG 104 reading: "let me tell you what. If you want me to ignore everything that’s going on, forget my brother and everything that’s happened over" and the second is from MAG 119 reading: "NIKOLA: Once. A long time ago, before Orsinov made me. And sometimes, even now, for special occasions. Like your brother. [distorted] SHALL I?" end ID]

Tim asks Elias if he wants him to forget "his brother". Nikola says she still goes as Grimaldi for special occasions, "like your brother". Never once during his statement does Tim mention Danny dying. No one ever calls it a death. For Tim, you could say it was denial, or at least say that he couldn't bear to speak it out loud. For Nikola, you could just say that's just how she talks.

But then there's the fact that Nikola had said this to Jon in ep 101

[ID: A section of the MAG 101 transcript reading: "ORSINOV: Oh, don’t worry, it’s not for you. You won’t even need a coffin – we’re going to use every piece of you." end ID]

she was going to skin him, but would still find a use for the rest of him. presumably, she treats most, if not all of her other victims this way. but what, praytell, could that use possibly be?

perhaps mr archive man has an answer for us

[ID: A section of the MAG 118 transcript reading: "fill with waxworks. And I guess you don’t need skin to sing. (shaky breath) To join the choir." end ID]

HMMMM GOLLY GEE BATMAN I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO DANNY

ANYWAY with all this together it is going to Drive Me To The Brink Of Madness that it's implied that Danny, in some form or another, was still Alive at the unknowing. he didn't die that wednesday night in august when Tim had last seen him, oh no. he was still alive.

likely all the way up until the unknowing.

until Tim.... i shan't say

[howi99]

Jaune is geinus rwbys reaction to the puppeteer being jaune

AAAAAAAAAH FINALLY! I CAN ANSWER THIS QUESTION!

Team RWBY: *waiting at the door with both Marie and "Marie". Marie is knocking at the door like a maniac*

Weiss: So, will you explain us why you took your sister's name instead of your own? Do you have so bad of a name?

???: N-no! It's just... Golly it's hard to explain, ok?! When Father will be here, you'll understand.

Ruby: ... I was wondering why you never took out your cloak. You never showed your face either...

???: ... *Sigh* you'll understand soon enough.

The Puppeteer: *opening the door* Marie, calm down! I won't go faster even if you knock more.

Marie: *knock on his head because he wasn't ready to welcome her back at the second ahe arrived*

The Puppeteer: Ok, ok. Gee... *Looking at both team RWBY and his "daughter"* Ah, come on in, i made some tea for everyone.

Marie: *mischievous smile* "not the bad kind i hope?"

The Puppeteer: Of course not! *Opening the door wide* Enter, enter! I was waiting for you.

???: ...

The Puppeteer: That includes you, by the way.

__________

At the table, in the kitchen

Yang: So, who are you?

The Puppeteer: Hm? Me? Depends what you want to hear.

Blake: Your name. What is it?

The Puppeteer: Ah, but i go by many names. The Puppeteer, the man lost to time, the knight of the last maiden, or even-

???: Jaune, his name is Jaune.

Yang: Jaune!? That's impossible!

Blake: Yeah! Weiss told us you didn't feel!

Weiss: I only said i didn't see him fall! *Looking at him* What happened to you?

Ruby: ... Jaune, what happened to Penny?

WBY: *turning to Ruby* ?

The Puppeteer: ... *Sigh* Good job, P, you blew it out. I wanted to explain them what happened a lot less violently.

P: *removing her cloak, revealing her appearance, almost identical to the old Penny* I was unable to keep lying.

Weiss: Penny!? You meant to say that the person who's memory you have is-

P: My name is P, i'm sorry to have mislead you. But when i saw you, all of you, i couldn't bring myself to show you who i am supposed to be.

The Puppeteer: I created her using the blueprint Pietro gave to me before... Well, before everything went to hell.

Ruby: What about...

The Puppeteer: ... *Sigh* Come with me.. She's in my lab.

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

God, your pec vore whiting is hot as fuck man. I kinda wanna see how you'd write asgore shoving his son right on down those hefty man tits, maybe even sans could get some fun as well? I'm just absolutely Hooked on your amazing writing!

I've actually done that before once here! But honestly one is not enough. And I haven't done anything like that with S.ans soooo

“I hope I don’t end up letting myself go like you did, Dad,” A.sriel jokes, nudging A.sgore’s stomach with his elbow. He’s visiting his dad again during a break in school, and has been getting bigger while he was away. “I can see why you get called Fluffybuns with all this fluff.”

A.sgore blushes and scratches his cheek, a sheepish smile on his face. “Well...maybe I got a bit rounder in the middle in my old age. But I don’t think I’ve let myself go at all, either. Your old man’s still got it.”

A.sriel snorts at that. “Yeah, maybe a few pies ago, but you’ve gone and buried all of that.” Now he gives A.sgore’s stomach a shake, making it jiggle and wobble.

A.sgore’s blush darkens and he frowns now. “Do you really think so?” It has been a while since he’s had someone really take a look at him. Maybe he’s just not noticed. So he starts to take off his shirt to make sure.

“It’s not a bad thing,” A.sriel goes on. “You spend so much time in the shop, it’s not that surprising that you’ve--w-woah...” His eyes widen as he actually gets a look at his dad’s body. While he certainly has an impressive gut from too much snacking, it’s paired up with bulky arms and solid pecs.

A.sriel really wasn’t expecting something so built. Has his dad been hiding this from him the whole time or has he just not noticed? Without really thinking, he reaches up and gives his dad’s chest a squeeze. No doubt, that’s solid muscle. “Holy...”

“Ah...” A.sgore’s entire face is red now. Golly, he forgot how sensitive his chest could be. It’s been a while since someone has touched it like this. And that’s usually because...of what he ends up doing to people who do this. “A-A.sriel, I...”

“Do you work out in secret or something?” A.sriel asks, feeling over his dad’s pecs some more. “This has gotta be bodybuilder levels of definition. No way you get this just from the gardening, right?” He’s so busy marveling over A.sgore’s pecs that A.sriel doesn’t notice the hazy look in his dad’s eyes or the big paw coming up to his head.

A.sgore can’t help himself. His body is tingling from the attention and a need for some relief. Which comes from pushing down on A.sriel’s head. The younger goat’s surprised bleat is cut off from his muzzle getting shoved in between his dad’s thick, furry pecs. He starts to scramble, looking up at his dad with a muffled cry. But A.sgore’s eyes are closed, a pleased moan escaping him as he feels that wonderful sensation. He pushes down harder on A.sriel’s head, and the whole thing disappears between his pecs.

The muffled screaming from A.sriel as well as his wild thrashing is enough to bring A.sgore out of his stupor. At least, enough for him to recognize that it’s his own son that he’s gotten neck deep in his pecs. Not enough to actually get the goat to resist the immense desire to fill his chest. He bites his lip and moves his large paws down to A.sriel’s ass. “Sorry, Azzy...I just need this right now. At least you know how I got gains like this, right?” He smiles bashfully. He’s not able to hear his son’s response, but it doesn’t matter much. He shoves hard, forcing more of the younger goat down into his chest.

A slight moan escapes A.sgore from the sensation. It feels so good. A.sriel’s up to his waist now, legs kicking around wildly. A.sgore grabs onto the goat’s ankles and pushes down again, shoveling more of him away into those fluffy pecs. They’re bulging out more and more as they’re forced to contain live meat. Only A.sriel’s feet are left kicking around. A.sgore watches them for a second with a bit of conflict...before closing his eyes and flexing his pecs, slurping the last of his son in with a moan.

A.sgore’s pecs bulge and shift around as A.sriel struggles inside the best he can. Packed into the tight, musky space has left him nearly hysterical, but his desperate pleas for his dad to let him out was muffled. A.sgore might have been able to hear them if he really tried listening but he wasn’t trying to do that. He was completely focused on the pleasure of having live meat struggling in his chest.

A.sgore starts to grope at his own chest, feeling it flex and squeeze over his son. He knows what’ll happen if he doesn’t do something quick to let A.sriel out, but the thought of doing so is so far from his mind it may as well not exist. “Aaah...A.sriel, it’ll be okay...just let it happen...”

That didn’t seem to bring much comfort to A.sriel at all, who continued to thrash and panic.But the walls were closing in on him, each flex of A.sgore’s chest feeling tighter and more restricting. The heat is getting intense and stifling as the older goat begins to sweat a bit. It was getting difficult to struggle at all, his form bulging out A.sgore’s chest as it grows tighter.

Cracks and pops begin to ring out with each flex, and A.sriel’s muffled screams are shrill. It makes shivers run down A.sgore’s spine and he squeezes his own chest hard. He can feel his son breaking apart, his pecs finally too much for the younger goat to withstand. Every time he flexed them, more of A.sriel was broken apart and turned into protein for him.

When A.sgore actually manages to hear his son scream for him, he became overwhelmed with pleasure. He fires off a load into his pants, moaning out as his pecs squeeze down tight. A.sriel’s scream gets cut off by a very loud, wet crunch, and A.sgore could feel the smaller body fold like paper inside of him.

When he orgasm ends and he sits back, A.sgore feels exhausted. He’s panting, sweat trickling down his chest as a thick musk fogs the air around him. His face is flushed with a cocktail of emotions that leaves him feeling amazing. His pecs keep flexing, his muscles pumping up with each one as he turns his own son into mass.

He feels...sated. That’s the only emotion washing over him now. But there’s an itch in his chest now. He scratches at it, digging his fingers in between the crevice. He manages to hook onto something and pull it out. A goat skull stares up at him, missing a jaw. It’s drenched in enough sweat that it drips off of it like water with bits of yellow and white fur stuck to it.

A dopey smile crosses A.sgore’s face and he gives his chest a slight squeeze. “Golly, you made for some great gains, Azzy. Thanks for helping your old man out.”

---

A.sriel sighs through his nose as he stacks the shelves. Coming home for the summer made him think he’d be able to just kick back and relax after getting through his difficult courses. Turns out, he was basically offered to the new grocery store owner as a summer worker by his dad. It was already decided by the time he got to town.

It’d be fine if he wasn’t the only other guy working here. But that skeleton running the place, S.ans, hasn’t hired anyone else and also spends most of his time sitting behind the counter doing nothing. A.sriel’s already been at it for a week and his patience is running thin. He sets the last of the cans in place and decides he’s had enough.

A.sriel walks over to the counter and leans over it. “Hey, aren’t you going to get up and help me? All you’ve done is sit there.”

S.ans, who had been leaning back with his arms behind his head, now opens one eye to look at A.sriel. “Ah, I’d love to kid, but I’m just not as young or strong as you are. You’d get it all done a lot faster than I ever could. Besides, it’s what I pay you for.”

A.sriel’s frown twitches a bit and he leans in closer. “You’re not some feeble old man. Did you just hire me because you’re too lazy to do it yourself? I don’t need this job, I can just quit.” Though he might get in trouble for it.

S.ans sighs and sits up a bit, now closer to A.sriel’s face. “Alright, kid. I guess I can help out. But I’m going to need a hand here. A bit of a pep in my step, you know? You’re full of energy, you’d be a lot of help on these old bones.”

The skeleton really doesn’t seem that old to A.sriel, but maybe he just doesn’t get how they age. He’s not entirely sure what S.ans is getting at, either, but his fight does wane slightly seeing S.ans somewhat give in to his demands. “Alright...what do you need?”

S.ans casually lifts up his shirt, showing off his light blue body with a soft set of pecs and a softer belly. It makes a dark flush cross A.sriel’s face as he ends up staring at the skeletons’ body. “Ah...what are you--”

A.sriel cuts himself up with a yelp as he’s yanked forward by his shirt and dragged over the counter slightly. S.ans uses that chance to push down on the goat’s head and force it between his pecs. A pleased groan escapes the skeleton as he starts to drag more of A.sriel over the counter and into his chest.

The muffled screaming coming from A.sriel is impossible to parse and won’t be heard by anyone other than S.ans. The goat is flailing madly, trying to push away for find some kind of leverage. But as his shoulders and chest begin to sink out of sight, it gets hard to do that. His feet finally start to lift off the ground and kick in the air while the rest of his torso steadily disappears.

A few banging sounds is all A.sriel can manage in terms of noise, and it’s only as his kicking legs are dragged over the counter as he’s able to hit it with his feet. It still does absolutely nothing as he’s slowly packed away into S.ans’s chest, which is growing larger and heavier with each inch of the goat that it claims. Soon he’s up to his knees and all S.ans has to do is lean back again and watch the goat’s twitching legs slowly disappear from sight. All the way up to his feet slurping in and disappearing.

“Aaaah...” S.ans lets out a content sigh and closes his eyes. “There you go, kid. This’ll give me all the energy I need to get that work done...later.” His pecs flex and bounce, squeezing around A.sriel’s form. He’s not sure if the goat heard him, but it doesn’t matter much. He can’t make out too much beyond muffled screaming as A.sriel tries to thrash around inside.

Even without anyone to look at it, S.ans’s chest is bulging obscenely, vaguely shaped like the goat he crammed inside. Paws and a face occasionally come into more clarity as A.sriel pushes around, the blue flesh keeping his presence murky and hard to fully make out. And each flex of S.ans’s chest squeezes and smooshes him down tighter and tighter, making the bulges more defined as he’s given less space to kick around in.

When the first crack rings out, A.sriel lets out a shrill scream. His thrashing gets more intense despite how little space he has to do it with. But every flex came with another crack or crunch, forcing A.sriel into a smaller and smaller space as his body is broken down into protein. He screams all the while, at least until a wet snap cuts his voice off for good.

Now with each flex of S.ans’s chest, his body was putting A.sriel’s to use. He slowly bulked up, muscle definition adding to his normally soft body. His chest and arms especially got a lot of it, the former becoming much firmer while the later grew thick and strong. Though the same applies to the rest of his body. It makes a slight shudder run through S.ans as he feels energized by all of the new mass pumping into him. The thick smell of his own musk is wafting in the air now, too.

“Well, looks like I got all the energy I need now,” S.ans comments to no one as he gropes hsi own chest. “I could get up and get the rest of the stock set up in no time flat.” After a few seconds, he puts his feet up on the counter and leans back in his chair again. “Yep...no time flat.”

[themoonweaversden]

Messeges that were found so far: STOD EHT TCENNOC (spoilers)

This is just to collect all the codes that you can type in in thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and their effects only (please click images for better quality)

I am so sorry if the transcripts in these are't the best, it's A LOT and my mind doesn't understand what's writing anymore

Masterpost with all messeges / codes

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Have you ever heard of Orchard Lake, Kansas? Chances are you haven’t. It was erased from every map, book, and historical record, and the US Government’s official position on it is “stop calling us or we’ll send a drone to your house.” (I learned this the hard way.) But if you drive to the exact latitude and longitude of [REDACTED] you’ll see bullet casings, faded billboards, and bow ties strewn across the desert sands.

That’s because Orchard Lake had another name before it was wiped off the record: BillVille.

CHAPTER 3: BillVille The First Cult In History That Was Right

[image]

FIG A: A tumbillweed

As a historian of esoteric religions, I thought I’d discovered the strangest sects America had yet to offer (see “Chapter 3: Kevin’s Gate”) but that all changed when I found the following items tucked away in an old trunk in an estate sale on the outskirts of Bootstrap, Missouri."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

"3/24/1957

Mother, I have the most wonderful news! Remember when you said I should stop being “such a follower” and finally think for myself? Well—turns out you were right! I’ve decided to stop following Elvis’ tour bus from state to state and instead I’ve made the exciting life decision to sell all my possessions to buy a one-way ticket to [REDACTED] and marry 138 of my new best friends! We’ve discovered the eternal secrets of the Universe, and golly it feels keen! For the first time in my life, I am happy!

Remember reality is an illusion, the Universe is a hologram, buy gold, and bye forever!

Your daughter, Shelter Martha Jones Starshine Cipherwife

P.S. You’ve just gotta check out this neato pamphlet!"

FIG B: Letter and pamphlet advertising “Ciphertology.” Was found along with pins, buttons, ephemera. Smells like formaldehyde."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

After reading this pamphlet, I became obsessed. Who were the Ciphertologists?

It seems in 1952 a failed travelling snake oil salesman “Silas Birchtree” was hiding from creditors when he choked on a coin he was flipping and died. Then, remarkably, the next day, he was seen alive. His posture, his smile, the pallor of his skin had all changed. It was as if another man entirely was wearing Silas like a suit. Whatever caused this transformation, the new Silas hit Orchard Lake, Kansas like a comet.

[TRANSCRIPT, FIRST AUDIO RECORDING FOUND OF SILAS BIRCHTREE GIVING A SPEECH IN THE TOWN SQUARE OF ORCHARD LAKE, KANSAS]

“Say, folks, gather round, thank you ma’am, spit out that gum, junior. My names Silas Birchtree, and I was just passing through when I noticed a very pressing problem: This town only has three wells! Well, well, well, that won’t hold water! (townsfolk laugh) But seriously plasma bags, if you’re dim enough to laugh at that tripe then you’re going to love what I’m about to shove down your throats: The secrets of the universe! I may look like an meat automoton but I was recently granted otherworldly insight into the nature of reality by an all-seeing eye named Bill Cipher. You have primal needs for chaos that are being repressed! Destroying is a form of creating! Assert your will in defiance of entropy! Punch through the throats of your oppressors and baptize yourself in their blood! Doesn’t that sound swell? Yes I said swell, and that rhymes with L, and that stands for “Let me Marry All Your Wives!”

-Silas Birchtree, 1952

It didn’t seem to matter what Silas said, folks were mesmerized by his rambling stream of consciousness diatribes. It wasn’t long before he became local news."

Treanscript:

"THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK "A suitable distraction from your toils." June 18, 1952 | 5 CENTS

CULT COMES TO TOWN Fans of Cults Pleased, Cult Skeptics Skeptical

Two things are on the rise this week in Orchard Lake! The sweet, sweet corn-bread cooling in Mrs. Butternubbins windowsill, and the terrifying cult that threatens to tear our town asunder. And asunder is one of the worst things you can be torn! Springing forth seemingly overnight, these bow-tie wearing brainwashees call themselves the Ciphertologists, and they answer to one man, the charismatic and extremely jaundiced Silas BirchTree. Town sentiment is divided as to whether this new religion can be trusted, but all agree this seems to be the most significant event in our town since a bat fell in the deep fryer at the waffle house. We spoke to townsfolk to gauge the local sentiment.

...WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY...

Darla Laudanum, Housewife: "Well, I don’t see what the big fuss is! Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, and Silas is no different. Why, I remember when everyone was worried that “Hula Hoops” were going to turn our children into Communists. But we only had to report 3 children!"

Gus Gunderson, Painter: "I ‘spose he’s got a funny way of talkin’, shore ‘nuff, but he promised me I’d live forever on my own moon, which beats my current job at the paint store. He also said he’d teach me to explode people with my mind. My mother ‘n law had better watch out!"

Madeline Dixon, Teenager: "He’s fine, I guess. It’s not like I replaced the picture of James Dean in my locket with him or anything. What? No you can’t look inside the locket, this is a personal locket!"

Emmaline Butternubbins, Spoilsport: "I’m telling you! He’s a human corpse puppeteered by a space triangle and he’s come to build an unholy astral pyramid from mortal realm beyond mortal understanding! Gather up your swords and arrows, let us slay the beast in mans form before he slays us!"

Can You "Dig It?" Hey Daddio! Are you hoppin mad about the piles of youth that are buckling your Chevy’s pad to the winner? Dig this jive! A keen new shovel that all the hep cats are using to flip those big Ricks right out of the sock hop! Man, you know what it is called!

“HIPPADDY RENZADDY’S SUPER-KEENHOOT SCOOP!”

It’s me, “Hip Daddy” Renzaddy! 50 years ago my great grandpappy Renzaddy toppled a pile of stones to death to avenge his death! The eternal war on man’s sin rages on!

5 CENTS OFF!

Teen Accused of "Rocking Around the Clock," Faces Trial ... (PG 3) Joseph McCarthy Arrests Suspicious Pez Dispenser (PG 5)"

Trascript:

"PAGE 2 THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK, JUNE 18, 1952 INTERVIEW WITH A PROPHET

Our lead reporter Welton Danforth sat down with the enigmatic leader to gain some insight into his holy mission. When they sat down to speak, the controversial religious leader was staring at his hands laughing as he wiggled his fingers.

Silas: Fingers! Wow, there’s just so many of these things! How do you keep track? Hey could someone get me a swig of formaldehyde?

Welton: Good evening. I have never seen a man open his eyes as wide as yours before. What exactly is going on with your face?

Silas: My face is normal! Next question!

Welton: (laughing) Well there’s that charm I’ve heard so much about. Move over, Johnny Carson! Tell me, how do you respond to accusations that the Ciphertologists are a cult?

Silas: Yes!

Welton: So you don’t deny it?

Silas: Look slick, everyone believes in something they can’t prove. Football players believe in “points.” Cops believe in “laws.” Priests believe in “sin.” But show me a law, a point, a sin. You can’t, they’re just ideas. So if you’re going to follow something invisible, why not follow the invisible Triangle that will give you your own planet and crush your enemies into a small screaming cube.

Welton: You’re awfully quick with a turn of phrase, but many others with silver tongues have claimed to be the messiah. What makes you any different?

Silas: Fair point! You know, you’re very perceptive. Has your wife told you that lately?

Welton: (pause) No. No… Janet has not. We are… going through a rough patch.

Silas: Must be hard. All those long nights on the couch, wondering what went wrong.

Welton: Yes… but, how did you know all that?

Silas: I know lots of things, Jack! And I know that when you die at 72 from a goose crashing into your head on a roller coaster, your last thought is gonna be that you wasted your life interviewing hick farmers instead of becoming that great novelist you always dreamed of being! That unfinished novel in your desk drawer…

Welton: …The Reporter Who Went To Mars?

Silas: It could be the greatest book of all time. But you’ll need someone to help you reach your full potential. I think I know a guy! By the way, I’ll need 1,000 dollars immediately.

Welton: Can I give you my watch as a down payment?

Silas: Fine, but only because I like you. Anyway, where were we? Oh right! I was interviewing you. Tell me, how long have you been a Ciphertologist?

Welton: Well, I suppose as of 5 seconds ago, but it already feels like much longer, Mr. Birchtree.

Silas: Please, call me “My Lord And Master.”

Welton: Yes, My Lord and Master. Do you have anything else to add before you go?

Silas: Only this, and I mean it sincerely: HAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (cont’d)"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[2 images]

Within a month, The Ciphertologists had taken City Hall, renamed Orchard Lake "BillVille" and began stockpiling weapons, human teeth, and multi-colored ball-pit balls from burger restaurants. Townsfolk began shaving their heads and inhaling helium to match the pitch of their leader's shrill charismatic voice, and would participate in "Dream-Ins" inviting Silas's muse "Bill Cipher" to "possess" of up to 30 of them at once, at which point they would often laugh in unison for hours. Construction began of the "Very Normal Giant Metal Portal" in the desert. Travel was banned coming in and out, even for medical emergencies since, as Silas explained, "pain is hilarious!" They began to expand, knocking on doors to spread "The Bad News."

[image]

FIG C: It was pretty easy to spot a Ciphertologist. Can you see what makes them stand out? That's right - their enthusiastic smiles!

[image]

FIG D: The "Golden Bastard" apple, grown only by Ciphertologists, reportedly "screamed" when you ate it."

Transcript: (this one is really weird to trascribe, so sorry if it's difficult to understand)

"THERE’S ONE “EYE” IN TEAM! Can you find it?

In Ciphertology, we encourage you to express your individuality, just like Silas does! That means strict conformity to his exact wardrobe, or else being sent to “The Hole.” You won’t like the hole!

KEEP AN EYE OPEN!

SHAVE A SPOT FOR BILL TO ENTER!

POSTURE

TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN! Order is a Trojan horse for chaos!

GREASE YOUR SHOES! Are you done? ADD MORE GREASE! And MORE!

(Image of two people in matching outfits doing Ciphertologist poses)

Pocket full of yummy glass!

Not pictured - The hot brand we will sear into your flesh. Which part of your body will we brand? It’s weirder than you think!

Did you know?: Therapy is a scam to keep you from the truth. Lean into your natural born mental illness to unlock your true potential!

GO DOOR TO DOOR! SPREAD THE JOY LIKE A DISEASE!

Follow this script to convert the non-billievers!

Hi! Do you have one minute to talk about the triangle who lives in your brain and has seen you naked? . YES → GOOD! The old gods are dead, and BILL ATE THEM! Dig it? . NO → Stare at them until they start crying.

Are you ready to accept him into your mind? . YES → (Continue script) . NO → Eat one of your own fingers in front of them. Don’t break eye contact.

Raise your arms and shriek a perfect E note in the 8th octave at 5,243 Hz. Their skull will shatter. Like a wine glass!

Great! Your new name is: ________________(SEE GUIDE TO CHOOSING CIPHERTOLOGY NAME PG 6) What size robe are you? __________________SEE YOU AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE! (Do Cipher Handshake, devour pamphlet, crawl away upside down)

WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING.

CIPHERTOLIGIST'S GUIDE TO DELIGHTSOMENESS, 1952"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[image]

ABOVE: The Ciphertology “Brain Seismograph” or “BS” Meter had dials for “gullibility,” “financial liquidity,” “celebrity influence,” “herbs,” and “spices.”

The cult surged in popularity and influence. Silas’s motto “embrace today as if your town is going to be hit by a tornado in exactly 3 & a half years!” was infectious, and he immediately ended all crime by declaring that “everything is legal now!”

[image]

Soon the only unconverted local was unmarried town nag Emmaline Butternubbins. She was convinced there was something “not right” about the mysterious megalomaniacal cult leader. Her protests escalated to her distributing these home-made warning pamphlets to very annoyed children.

[image]

“Most people rejected Emmaline’s message. They hated her because she told the truth” —Emmaline, to her cat Bonbon."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Conflict became inevitable. When Silas hijacked a local TV station to read an “erotic tale of two trapezoids,” Elk Glen filed a complaint with the FCC. Cipherologists retaliated by pouring 600 gallons of bubble solution in their drinking water. Soon the law became involved.

“Blrbl bll Tbllbl Ciphertobblblblblb” - Hurk Durnsley, Oak Glen City Council

The Cipherologists were ordered to return City Hall, dismantle the “Portal” they were building out of scrap metal and car parts, or face the full force of the Kansas State Troopers. The standoff lasted 13 days, with Silas and his die hard followers holed up in a waffle house chanting “TEETH” over and over again for reasons unknown. Silas was becoming increasingly agitated and erratic, blocking all radio and TV signals into town and ordering his followers to hurry construction of his mysterious metallic project. His body was also looking increasingly pale and desiccated, which he ascribed to his “fantastic diet” of eating nothing but “solid chunks of chlorine and ants.”

BILLVILLE DAILY NEWS June Billeteeth, Billtee-Fifty-Bill PORTAL NEARLY COMPLETE EVERYONE THRILLED, EVEN THE GOVERNMENT! (DO NOT TURN ON YOUR TELEVISION)"

Transcript:

"Finally Emmaline Butternubbins, enraged that no one liked her pamphlets, hurled a torch into the CipherTologists HQ, igniting the helium tanks, blasting out the windows and destroying Silas’s machine. Troopers opened fire as Silas’s followers held hands and began singing “WE’LL MEET AGAIN” in defiance. Silas, riddled with bullet holes, grabbed a megaphone, leapt atop the inferno, grinning wildly as he was engulfed in flame.

“YOU CAN’T KILL A MAN WHO’S ALREADY DEAD! IF YOU TAKE ME DOWN, I’LL BE BACK, MORE POWERFUL AND MORE ANNOYING THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE! REMMEBER- REALITY-”

At this point, Silas Birch Tree’s head fell off, flies swarmed from his mouth and he collapsed into a grey husk. A coroner declared Silas BirchTree dead for a second time. Black helicopters evacuated the site and the city was erased from all official records. Mrs Butternubbins was awarded the Medal of Honor, which she used as an ashtray.

On the Lighter Side “QUIRKY NEWS!” CULT DISBANDED, 9 DEAD Slow news day? Well we gotta fill these pages somehow! In an oddball story that’s definitely out there a remote Orchard Lake’s homespun cult committed a laundry list of heinous crimes. Trashed walls, buildings, and tank-wielding federal agents stormed the “Cipherologists” headquarters. The panic escalated as the “Cipherologists” leader offered everyone a bag of candy and destroyed the stockade on a rented lemon- but just gave everyone you love from the ability to express their emotions. We are out of terrible diarrhea. It is unclear if this was his intention or not. We are out of things to say in this piece, no one really cares what happens in Kansas."

Transcript:

"ONLY KNOWN PHOTO OF SILAS'S BODY, 1952"

Transcript: "LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Although BillVille has faded into urban legend, hidden remnants remain for those who know where to look. It is even said that there are straggling members out there, still holding out hope for Silas’s return.

(RIGHT: IRONIC T-SHIRT SOLD ONLINE)

In cults, this is a common phenomenon. Human beings are so hungry for a confident voice to guide them in an uncertain world, that they’ll follow anyone, even a madman, wherever he goes. Usually off a cliff.

But there was something different about Silas Birchtree. The more I research, the more of his predictions I’ve seen coming true. Recently I was going through old records when I found Silas’s final words, tucked away in a lost letter he wrote before the standoff, a message unseen until now.

His message was:

“At least this will make a fun chapter of your book, Donna!”

My name is Donna Rutherford. Yesterday, I was a Lutheran. As of today, I am a Ciphertologist.

[CODE]"

Code decoded: "YOUCANTKILLANIDEA"