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cleverhottubmiracle · 3 months ago

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The best golf clothing brands might not be the ones you’d expect. Sure, the old heads are very much in the mix, but the marketplace is being transformed by a new generation that's just now falling in love with golf. Whether they grew up on skateboarding, hardcore music, or fine art, this class of upstarts is bringing a whole new spirit and vibe to the golf course—one that's very much welcome in 2025.Now, instead of the sea of shiny, itchy polyester polo shirts and skinny-fit chinos that plagued the 2010s, you've got bucket hats, rugby polos, and workwear-inspired golf pants. You've got knits that (actually) fit, and T-shirts that help you spread the gospel of golf, even when you aren't on the links. And, pro tip, all of these would make excellent gifts for the golf-lover in your life.Here are the brashest, boldest, and all-around best golf clothing brands on the planet right now, so you can create your flyest (and most functional) golf wardrobe yet. From Adidas and Nike to (relative) newcomers like Malbon and Manors Golf, there’s never been a better time to get dressed for a day on the links—or to gift something to your golf-loving guy.The Best Golf Clothing From Our Favorite BrandsThe Best Golf Gift: Puma Dealer Shorts, $70The Best Classic Golf Polo: Bogey Boys Essentials Athletic Polo, $90The Best Classic Golf Pants: Manors Recycled Greenskeeper Trousers, $162The Best Golf Joggers: Uniqlo Ultra Stretch DRY-EX Jogger Pants, $40The Best Golf Shoes: Nike x Eastside Golf Victory Tour 3 Shoes, $210The Best Long Sleeve Golf Shirt: Lululemon Mockneck Golf Long-Sleeve Baselayer, $98Looking for Something Specific?You've got to hand it to Lululemon, which, despite its legacy as a women's yoga pants brand, really brings the heat when it comes to stylish, high-performing men's athletic wear. While Lululemon doesn't designate pieces exclusively for golf, it's pretty easy to see that the brand's famous ABC pant and breezy mesh polo shirts are primed for the fairway.LululemonMockneck Golf Long-Sleeve BaselayerLululemonABC Classic-Fit 5 Pocket PantPeter Millar is a North Carolina-based brand that launched in the early aughts. It sells heavily in resorts, which makes sense given that it's built around cashmere sweaters, polo shirts, and performance golf apparel. But the brand also has e-commerce and a price-to-quality ratio that's hard to beat. (Peter Millar also owns G/Fore, another popular, Mr Porter-stocked, US-based golf line.)Peter MillarSurge Performance TrouserPeter MillarPine Performance HoodieWith Nike and Champion collaborations under its belt, and frequently sold-out drops, Malbon Golf, launched in 2017 by Stephen and Erica Malbon, feels like the independent golf brand most poised to become a future standby. It also helps that the brand has a complete collection of performance golf apparel, from socks and headwear to bags and technical pants.Malbonx Beams Buckets PoloMalbonx New Era 59Fifty "M" ScriptIf you've got Nike taste but are a member at a Ralph Lauren golf course, Mr. Lauren's more technical RLX Golf line is here for you. It's sleek, modern, and performance-oriented, but with that preppy flair poking through with a quilted vest here and a contrast-color polo collar there—there's also plenty of navy.RLXTailored Fit Performance Twill PantRLXClassic Fit Stretch Mesh Polo ShirtIf you want a nod to the ‘90s Golf Dad aesthetic without actually buying striped performance polos and pleated khakis from the pro shop, Adidas Golf will send you in the right direction. The shoes are chunky, the shorts are knee-length, and you’ll find boxy polos and half-zip pullovers as far as the arm can swing.AdidasRolling Links Chino Golf TrousersAdidasRolling Links Polo ShirtMacklemore fell in love with golf a couple of years ago. Because he's a Grammy-award-winning rapper and loves to get dressed (his biggest hit remains “Thrift Store”), he naturally started his own golf apparel line. The aesthetic is dressy, bright, fun, and retro in a way that's hard to find in an industry dominated by nondescript tan pants.Bogey BoysTOUR Championship Striped Button-UpBogey BoysBogey Boys x EFF V-Neck Baseball JerseyTeddy Santis' Aime Leon Dore, or “ALD” as the fanboys like to call it, has always been big into sports culture. The NYC-based brand has done the tennis and basketball shticks before, and now it's coming for golf. From sweaters to polos, the golf collection is the greatest hits of putting green apparel. And as it goes with ALD, these pieces look great while you're golfing—but just as good when you're strolling down the block for a BEC.Aime Leon DoreScript Paneled RugbyAime Leon DoreBasketweave Elasticated Waist TrouserWith Eastside Golf, Detroit-based founder Olajuwon Ajanaku aims to make the sport not only more stylish but also more inclusive. The line of tees, hoodies, and accessories features Ajanaku, a Black man wearing jeans, a sweatshirt, and a gold chain mid-backswing. “There has never been a brand like us to speak authentically and knowledgeably to both sides—golf and urban culture,” Ajanaku previously told GQ.Eastside GolfFive-Panel Two-Tone HatEastside GolfShort-Sleeve RugbyIf you're the kind of fella who winters in Aspen, summers in Nantucket, and spends the time in between jetting off to the finest courses in the country (or, you know, just want to dress like you do), your golf gear should on par with that itinerary. J.Lindeberg bridges the gap between capital-M menswear and performance-oriented sportswear, and its boldly printed polos and racing-inspired jackets are built to help you stand out in the clubhouse. Even if you're getting in a few rounds at your local muni, you'll feel like a guy used to closing million-dollar deals on the green.J LindebergAello Compression TopFounded in the early aughts by Norwegian Olympic skier Lasse Kjus and Swiss entrepreneur Didi Serena, Kjus will make you feel like the Daniel Craig of your golf club, your ski club, or any other club you happen to be staking out. Think: simple, clean silhouettes; luxury fabrics; and lots of navy and black.Ever gazed wistfully at a picture of Arnold Palmer and wished you could look that cool on the course? Thanks to Manors Golf, you can. The upstart label is dedicated to preserving the game's stylistic hallmarks (sans the snobbery), all while injecting them with a jolt of much-needed youthful swagger. Think retro-doused Harrington jackets, collegiate-inspired knitwear, geezer-y sweater vests, and clothing you can wear after a full 36 holes—and, more importantly, will actually want to.ManorsInsulated Course GiletMetalwood's ‘90s-inspired collection of tees, sweatshirts, and techy shorts skews more golf-appreciation merch than performance wear, but that's kind of a good thing. Especially if you like watching, thinking about, and evangelizing golf as much as you like actually playing it—or if you just can't get into preppy clubhouse-wear.MetalwoodPaneled Wind ShirtMetalwoodPaneled Track JacketGolf isn't the most fashionable sport in the game—after all, there are no paparazzi-lined tunnels or GQ fashion awards—but Nike will change your perception of what it's capable of with its sleek, futuristic line of golf attire, which, most impressively, includes some excellent links-friendly sneakers and clothes that take advantage of the brand’s sweat-fighting “Dri-Fit” fabrics.Nikex Eastside Golf Victory Tour 3 ShoesIf you're the kind of guy who puts as much thought into your golf gear as your mid-century modern furnishing, then Quiet Golf represents the best way to conquer the links in equally considered style. The Orange County-based brand adorns its polos and throwback mock-neck shirts with tasteful, blink-and-you’ll-miss-them graphics, which makes for clothing that looks killer on the course—and even better on weekends you can’t fit in a round.Quiet GolfMonogram Tech VestRadda Golf's polo shirts look more like rugby shirts than the typical pro-shop polo (think ultra-thin stripes and slippery fabric), which is to say you'd want to wear them off the course and outside of the clubhouse, too. Combine one with the brand's headwear or bright golf pants and you've really changed the game.Like plenty of other golf labels, Students offers a solid mix of logo-adorned polos and caps, but the coolest clothing the brand sells are the wild-style tees that would never make it past the dress code at your local country club. The cheeky graphics and trippy color combos are ripped straight from the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert, catnip for the type of golfer who loves the game but would never lose sleep over a botched putt.StudentsCedric Nylon Cargo PantsStudentsArthur Velvet JacketKorea's Sunlove Tour is part of a cohort of next-gen golf labels that uses the sport as a mere jumping-off point for its whimsical polos, sweaters, and jackets. So much so, in fact, that across its arsenal of printed hoodies and soccer jersey-inspired shirts, you'd be hard-pressed to find the word "golf" stamped anywhere. You will, however, find a mix of gear that's bold and plain fun— most importantly, unlike anything else lining the racks at your local pro shop.SunlovePolartec Alpha Hoodie BrownSunloveAirwool Half Zip Knit Pullover OatmealUniqlo might not have a fully realized golf apparel collection, but the Japanese retailer's investment in performance fabrics, not to mention its obsession with polo shirts, makes it a solid place to buy new gear. The Dry-Ex collection, for example, wicks away moisture, neutralizes odor, and has a weightless feel you'll be grateful for during a high-summer round.UniqloCotton Relaxed Ankle PantsWhen you visit the Jain Golf website, you can’t help but be in a good mood. The brand brings a distinctly un-serious vibe to an otherwise stuffy sport with fun colors and designs. Don’t get it twisted, though. They know what they’re talking about; take their canvas golf bag as an example. Made with the legendary brand MacKenzie, the bag is a reminder of golf heritage while still distinctly Jain.A self-proclaimed art project hidden within a golf brand, Radry is a brand that chooses to focus on golf as a lifestyle rather than a mere hobby. While many of the traditional golf brands focus on performance and on-course style, Radry shows that golf can be more than just an activity you do, it can be a way of life.Golf is a game that cannot be separated from the earth—when you play, it’s literally you against the landscape. Radmor believes that golfers should be in touch with the ground they’re walking on and fight for a more sustainable future in the sport. Started by a former pro and a fashion veteran, Radmor is committed to crafting sustainable apparel that is actually stylish, all without the use of virgin polyester.RadmorHudson Recycled Vintage Jacquard PoloRadmorChappie Recycled JacketG’day mate. Australia’s Walker Golf Things is blending the best of the outback with their beloved game of golf, crafting apparel and gear you want to wear on and off the course. This means designing a lineup of apparel that is both performance and style-oriented, a combo not many brands have managed to excel at. Walker, however, has style in spades and makes apparel tailored to the golfer who wants to be ready for anything, from summer's heat to winter's winds and rain.Walker Golf ThingsKooka All Day PantWalker Golf ThingsPar-Tec Tour Glove (3-Pack)Devereux is a family-owned brand with a keen eye for style and an unapologetic boisterousness, both of which are hallmarks of today’s new era of golfers. By blending a passion for golf and streetwear, they’re building a brand that appeals not only to seasoned swingers looking for something new but can also attract new players to a sport that has historically not been the most welcoming.Puma has been in the golf game forever, so it’s about damn time they get their flowers. Too often overlooked for their contemporaries like Nike and Adidas, Puma has begun to stand out from the pack thanks to their lineup of well-fitting, carefully-measured style picks and a penchant for going big when the day calls for it (remember Rickie Fowler’s all-orange getup?).PumaAP Jacquard Golf 1/4 ZipWhile most menswear brands that dabble in golf have a lackluster appeal to true golf enthusiasts, Sid Mashburn has blended fashion and golf by making its apparel with traditional premium materials like super-soft cotton pique, cashmere, and English wool. Put it all together, and you’ve got one of the best-looking golf lineups in the sport, as evidenced by the fervent support of Keith Mitchell from this very magazine.Sid MashburnLong-Sleeved PoloSid MashburnPleated Dress TrouserWhat’s more important on the golf course, skill or luck? No matter how you slice it, any golfer, skilled or not, will accept a healthy dose of good luck on the links. Whether you believe in luck or not, you need to know about new golf shoe brand Goodluck Golf, who are making some of the best damn golf shoes on the market—out of nowhere. They popped up on social media with some really great vibes and have fully delivered on their promise by dropping two new golf shoes that are equal parts modern and vintage. Rubber toe caps meet crocodile leather—what more could a golfer ask for? Their designs pay homage to traditional golf shoes while simultaneously cueing up distinctly modern tech.Goodluck GolfGL2 Golf ShoeGoodluck GolfGL1 Golf ShoeAmericans and apple pie, Paul Mescal and short shorts, Leonardo DiCaprio and models—some things just can’t be separated. The same is true for Tiger Woods and wearing red on Sundays. The new brand from the GOAT himself pays homage to his favorite outfit to wear on the final day of a PGA tournament, making handsome golf apparel that is high quality and, believe it or not, comes in a wide range of colors (though there is a good dose of red in their lineup). From polos and pants to rain gear and accessories, the brand will outfit you from head to toe, prepared for whatever comes during your round. Striping it down the fairway like Tiger is up to you, though.Sun Day RedFermi Coaches JacketSun Day RedClassic Stripe PoloTechnical, comfortable, well-considered—these are the hallmarks of a good golf brand. Macade has it all. The brand uses quality materials and lets their unique textures speak for themselves, pairing them with simple designs that excel on and off the course. From their sweats to their outerwear and on-course basics, Macade makes apparel that seamlessly fits into your wardrobe, whether you play every day or stick to weekend rounds.MacadeTX Links WindbreakerMacadeUnstructured Tech CapIf you’re looking for a brand that blends the elegance and tradition of country club attire with just enough modern flair to stand out, you will love Greyson. Joggers with a self waistband sit alongside patterned polos and hoodies—the brand has just enough playful designs to separate it from what the old timers are wearing in the clubhouse without causing a scene. We like the combo of a cardigan with a rope trucker hat, just like Arnie would have done back in the day.GreysonGhost Wolf Sherpa VestAussies know something about beautiful golf, too. Just ask Adam Scott, the man with one of the most drool-worthy golf swings of the last two decades. Left of Field is a Sydney-based brand that blends the best of streetwear and golf, battling against stuffy clubhouse fare while still respecting the history and tradition of the game. The founder grew up on skate and surf culture, so it’s no surprise to see oversized shirts and shorts alongside trucker caps and technical gear that fits in on the golf course just as well as it does along the shores of southwest Australia.Left of FieldHoundstooth CapLeft of FieldBallina Polo ShirtLike much of today’s most sought-after swag, Sugarloaf Social Club’s offerings more closely resemble merch than a brand, but that’s exactly what we want. The crew at Sugarloaf is an actual club, born out of an annual golf trip amongst a group of college friends. From there, they put their talents together to form a creative agency, which then led to a smattering of golf accessories adorned with their logo. From there, a brand was born. They’re still doing their thing, bringing folks into the game, but they’re doing it with some killer merch, too.Sugarloaf Social ClubSport Pocket PoloSugarloaf Social ClubGreat White Sharks Tour VisorWhat to Wear GolfingIt’s 2025: Wear anything you want when you're hitting the green, and that’s golf fashion. OK, so you can’t just go out to the course with flip-flops and a ripped T-shirt, but in this day and age, you can flex your personal style on the course more than ever before. A polo and pleated pants are still must-haves, but there are more ways than ever to dress for an afternoon out to hit some golf balls.Tees, hoodies, and trucker caps have never been more accepted and never more prevalent than they are now, so feel free to integrate these into your golfing wardrobe—though we must say, you should always respect the rules outlined by the course where you’re playing. Plus, a lot of this new-age golf gear puts functionality at the forefront, making it so your outfit is just another piece of golf equipment (that also happens to look damn good). If they do still require polos, there are numerous ways to freak it. If you’ve got to tuck your shirt in, there are some billowy pants to spice up that outfit. You may cause a stir, but that’s the best part about golf these days.At the absolute minimum, though, we recommend always having a wind- or rain-ready layer on hand, depending on what climate you find yourself in. And while your favorite sneakers will do the trick, a pair of golf shoes will provide the grip you need in any conditions. Grab some comfy shorts and a polo that makes you feel your flyest and let ‘er rip. Source link

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norajworld · 3 months ago

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chilimili212 · 3 months ago

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onlygreens12 · 8 months ago

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Perfect Golf Gifts for Every Golfer

Golf gifts can be a challenge to choose, especially when trying to find something unique that will truly be appreciated. Whether for a seasoned pro or a weekend warrior, finding the right gift can enhance their game or simply make their experience on the course more enjoyable. Here’s a guide to some of the best golf gifts for every type of golfer.

Personalized Golf Balls

Nothing says thoughtful like a set of personalized golf balls. These can be customized with the golfer’s name, initials, or even a fun message. Personalized golf balls are not just a fun gift but also practical, helping to ensure that their balls don’t get mixed up with others on the course. They can also add a touch of flair to their game.

High-Quality Golf Gloves

A good pair of golf gloves can make a significant difference in a golfer’s performance. Look for gloves made from high-quality materials such as Cabretta leather, which offers a snug fit and excellent grip. Many brands also offer customization options for added personal touch. Golf gloves are essential for both comfort and control, making them a thoughtful and practical gift.

Golf Rangefinders

For those who take their game seriously, a golf rangefinder is an invaluable tool. These devices help golfers measure distances accurately, allowing them to make better club choices and improve their overall game. Modern rangefinders are compact, user-friendly, and often come with features like slope adjustment and built-in GPS. This gift can significantly enhance their gameplay and enjoyment on the course.

Golf Practice Aids

Help your loved one improve their swing or putting with a golf practice aid. From putting mats that mimic real greens to swing trainers that correct form, these tools are excellent for honing skills at home. Practice aids are perfect for golfers who want to fine-tune their game without having to hit the course every day.

Stylish Golf Apparel

Golf apparel is a great way to keep a golfer looking sharp while on the course. Consider gifting high-performance shirts, hats, or jackets designed specifically for golf. Look for moisture-wicking fabrics and stylish designs that provide both comfort and functionality. Many golf apparel brands also offer customization options, so you can add a personal touch.

Golf Bags and Accessories

A new golf bag or accessories can make a significant difference. Look for bags with plenty of compartments for clubs and personal items, as well as features like ergonomic straps and durable materials. Accessories like club head covers, umbrella holders, and personalized towel clips also make great additions to any golfer’s kit.

Golf Lessons

For the golfer looking to improve their skills, golf lessons with a professional instructor can be a fantastic gift. Many golf courses and training centers offer packages for individual or group lessons. This gift not only shows that you’re thoughtful but also supports their passion for the game by helping them reach their potential.

Golf Books and Magazines

For those who love to read about golf, books and magazines are perfect gifts. Choose from instructional books that provide tips and strategies or biographies of famous golfers. Subscriptions to golf magazines are also a great way to keep them updated with the latest trends and news in the golfing world.

Golf Travel Gear

If the golfer in your life loves to travel, consider getting them golf travel gear such as a travel cover for their clubs or a golf-specific suitcase. These items help ensure that their equipment stays safe and secure while traveling to different courses around the country or even internationally.

Golf-Themed Home Décor

Lastly, for a golfer who loves to show off their passion even when they’re not on the course, golf-themed home décor can be a charming gift. Think framed Unique golf gifts, sculptures, or even a golf-themed bar set. These items can add a touch of personality to their living space while celebrating their favorite sport.

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marcazoblog · 1 year ago

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Official Team Of Destiny NC State Wolfpack Basketball Raleigh North Carolina t-shirt

Official Team Of Destiny NC State Wolfpack Basketball Raleigh North Carolina t-shirt, hoodie, tank top, longsleeve

This year, The Hollywood Reporter honored a total of 25 stylists, from Joseph Cassell Falconer and Andrew Mukamal — who worked with Taylor Swift and Margot Robbie, respectively — to Jason Bolden, Molly Dickson and Petra Flannery, who commented on her work in Emma Stone’s film. Oscars 2024 look. and shares her reaction to the Official Team Of Destiny NC State Wolfpack Basketball Raleigh North Carolina t-shirt moreover I love this actress’s “famous” wardrobe malfunction. The couple has come a long way since first meeting as student-athletes at the University of Georgia in the early 2000s. At the time, Bubba was playing for the school’s golf team, as Angie hopes to turn her college basketball career into a WNBA dream. It took Bubba more than a year to work up the courage to go out with Angie – and by that time, she had graduated and was going out with Charlotte Sting.

“I met my wife, Angie — the Official Team Of Destiny NC State Wolfpack Basketball Raleigh North Carolina t-shirt moreover I love this best thing that has ever happened to me on or off the golf course,” Bubba wrote in an article for Guideposts. Until then, I had never really loved anything other than golf clubs.” “Angie taught me what it means to love others with all your heart. She also taught me what it means to love God.” On their first date, Bubba and Angie played a round of golf and from the beginning, they knew their relationship was going to be serious. By their second date, Angie opened up about her infertility struggles and Bubba suggested the couple adopt a child in the future. In 2004, the couple married and shortly after, they began the process of expanding their family through adoption.

Buy this shirt: Official Team Of Destiny NC State Wolfpack Basketball Raleigh North Carolina t-shirt

Home: Marcazo

#Marcazo #t-shirt

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jimmydemaret · 4 years ago

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PGA TOUR Men's Short Sleeve Chest Print Polo Shirt

PGA TOUR Men’s Short Sleeve Chest Print Polo Shirt

Check out Golf Shirts PGA. PGA TOUR Men’s Short Sleeve Chest Print Polo Shirt. Golf Shirts PGA – Buy Now for Lowest Price Promotional Price Golf Shirts PGA, PGA TOUR Men’s Short Sleeve Chest Print Polo Shirt. USD$17.40 PGA TOUR Men’s Short Sleeve Chest Print Polo Shirt Buy Now for Best Price. PGA TOUR Men’s Short Sleeve Chest Print Polo Shirt Fresh Stocks related to Golf Shirts PGA, Click…

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nikoruistyping · 3 years ago

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Caddy Gal || Tom Holland

Golf!Tom x Fem!reader

Prompt: My friend requested I write an imagine/one-shot where instead of being an actor Tom ended up pursuing his hobby of golfing and he is now a famous renown golfer.

Summary: Tom has dragged you (his girlfriend) to the 2019 Sony Open event in Hawaii and well you both getting into a heated argument which then leads to making up later on.

TW: Fluff, Smut, Nudity, Adult Language/Swearing, Established Relationship, Oral sex (Fem Receiving), Petnames (Princess & Darling), Slight Dirty Talk, Vaginal Sex

Word Count: 5,168

A/N: Can’t believe I’m posting my first One-shot on here! Hope everyone enjoys and all the likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Nine O'clock in the morning, Tom was eager to get on the golf course and start practicing for the tournament the next day. This was one of the biggest tournaments of the year and Sony decided to hold it at the most luxurious resort in Hawaii. He, of course, had to bring you, his lovely girlfriend along to accompany him and to well hold his caddy bag too.

There you two were both at the 9th hole, it had been exactly an hour of standing on the courses and watching Tom from afar. You're not gonna lie the way he rocked those golfing shorts and how tightly fitted his polo was, it was hard not to stare. You had his stylish but heavy caddy bag full of drivers and clubs slung over your shoulder and the sun was extremely hot that morning. There he was again for probably the 100th time this morning getting into his usual stance in front of the tee, the white golf ball perched on it. You crossed your legs, thighs being squished together due to the tight black golf skirt Tom had insisted you wear because not only did he like how good you looked in it but also because he wanted you to be dressed for the occasion, although he didn't mention the part where you carry his bag practically the whole time. You readjusted the bag on your shoulder, a cramp starting to form at the top, the weight was just too much and the golf cart was too bothersome to get to being very far away. You slide the bag off your shoulder placing it on the freshly cut grass, the base of it embedded in the grass as your hands laid on top of the open part of the bag where the clubs were sticking out. Your head flicks up as you hear the sound of metal tinging again the ball and you squint seeing the ball go flying for miles.

Besides Tom being able to hit the ball that far you were more interested in how he looked afterward. His polo shirt lifting ever so slightly up showing a sneak peek of his abs, his happy trail being somewhat visible. His big muscular biceps flexing so hard it looked like his polo sleeve was suffocating them, god you wish you could just rip his shirt off him already. The way his leg muscles were clearly showing off his calves bulging thanks to all that hard work in the gym every day. What was even sexier than all of that was the way he would hold the club in the air in place after hitting it. The way his face was just so serious yet he had this glint in his eyes that only you had ever seen in one place when he was in bed with you. He held the perfect pose for a moment before turning to you and waving, a bright smile on his face, all signs of seriousness gone. He made his way to you jogging, the club twirling back and forth in his hands.

"Did you see the shot I made? That one had to be the best so far this morning." He asked his chest heaving up and down as you could tell he was out of breath just by jogging over to meet you and well who knows maybe something else was making him so out of breath. The sun was taking a toll on him and Hawaii weather wasn't exactly like the cold and brisk UK climate.

"Of course I did darling. You looked breathtaking out there. I'm sure you're going to do absolutely amazing tomorrow at the actual event." You say smiling as he hands you his club and you stick it back in with the others.

You feel his hands immediately snaking around your hips, spinning you around to face him as he lightly presses you up against his caddy bag, the only thing supporting your wobbly legs at that very moment. His lips immediately inches away from your ear as his hot breath hits you, whispering into your ear.

"Breathtaking huh? You don't look so bad yourself darling." He says pulling away slowly his eyes meeting yours, quickly scanning up and down your body. You couldn't help but be at a loss for words. This man would be the death of you, always teasing with that voice of his and knowing exactly what made you tick.

"God Tom, you're such a tease. I'm waiting for when you're actually gonna do something fun with me this weekend and stop making me carry your caddy bag. I'm your girlfriend you know, not your damn caddy gal." You say in a snarky voice, your tone not playful or flirty whatsoever.

He was clearly taken back by your response and raised his eyebrow at you, a smirk coming about on those soft pink lips of his.

"And who said I wasn't going to do something fun with you this weekend? You know how important this tournament is for me and I can't be slacking on practice but I promise after this hol-" He is cut off by you quickly pulling away from him, leaving his hands and arms empty of your body's presence. His facial expression clearly shocked and dumbfounded, he was in big trouble and not the good kind.

You purposely knock over his bag, the clubs falling out as you look back at him, your face still clearly mad at him. Regardless you had a plan in mind to get him to do exactly what you wanted. He just needed a little push to get him distracted from golf and more interested in you.

"Oops! Oh god, I'm such a clutz Tommy, I'm so sorry..." Your innocent voice comes out as you bend over to pick up the fallen clubs, your tight skirt clearly lifting up ever so slightly, Tom has the perfect view of your ass from behind.

"Since golf is more important than your girlfriend why don't you just go on and continue without your little caddy gal. If this is your definition of fun I don't want any part of it." You say in a more serious tone as you look up at him as your kneeling in a clearly suggestive pose, both your knees in the grass your thighs rubbing up against each other and your skirt hiking slowly up as you look up at him from the ground. A club in your hand as you make sure to point it at him before sliding it back in the bag. Your breasts bounce as you spring back up, and dust your knees off spinning on your heels walking off and back in the direction of the resort.

Tom was clearly stunned not only from how much you were seeming to tease him but also because you were mad at him, to him this was pretty hot but also he knew he wasn't gonna get what he wanted so easily. It was either golf or his girl and he couldn't ever say no to you.

"W-Wait Y/N! Come on darling! I'm sorry, don't be like that! You know you're more important!" He yells after you, trying to fast walk to catch up but your legs were walking just a tad faster than his and he was out of breath already, giving up. His eyes watched your beautiful figure walk off in the distance.

He takes off his glove and rubs his temples with his fingers clearly frustrated. He squints into the distance not being able to see you anymore and lets out an exhausted sigh.

"Good job mate, you fucked up. I swear she drives me mad but god do I love her." He says to himself before giving up not caring about practice anymore and grabbing his bag walking in the same direction as you were.

30 mins later...

You finally make it back to the penthouse suite, sliding your room key at the front door and letting yourself in. You take a deep breath annoyed at him but little fights like these never lasted long and you knew exactly how they ended, always with makeup sex. Knowing that he would eventually come back at some point you decide to take your time unwinding and actually enjoying the resort room for once. On trips like these most of the time, both you and Tom were always out either at a party, sightseeing or busy at press conferences all weekend. Not once did you guys actually enjoy the fluffiness of the bed or even take a dip in the jacuzzi.

You find a way to shimmy off the skirt and strip the polo from your torso leaving you in nothing but underwear. Your undergarments go flying onto the bed as you step into the bathroom running a warm bath to relax in. The bathroom is filled with candles so you take a match striking it and lighting a few to set the mood. The sweet smell of what seemed to be vanilla and mint filled the bath and you took a deep breath relaxing to the aroma. Squeezing some bubble bath soap into the water the tub soon fills to the top with bubbles that you submerge your whole aching body in. You tilt you head back sighing as the water starts to set in relaxing all your muscles especially your shoulder, no thanks to that heavy bag of his.

"Now this is what I call relaxing. I swear sometimes he can be so stubborn and this certainly isn't the first time he has ditched me for fucking golf!" You say a bit irritated but you still glance over at your phone on the counter not seeing the screen light up.

Minutes pass by and the pit in your stomach doesn't go away as you wonder what could be taking him so long to return. This was Tom Holland we were talking about, famous pro golfer, 3 time champion of the US Open, and the man who could finish an 18 hole course in a mere two hours almost setting the world record for putting so many holes in that amount of time. So what was taking him so long?

You had spoken too soon when you heard the front door open all the way from the bathroom and you had never jumped out of the bath so quick in your life. It was finally your time to tempt him and make him want you like no tomorrow. It was true what Tom had said at his last press conference, the two things he loved in this life were in his words "Golf and my girlfriend". So it's not like he could resist you now, could he?

You reach over to grab the white fluffy robe on the bathroom counter and wrap your body in it tying a loose knot in the front to close it. Your hair up in a perfectly messy bun as you shuffle out of the bathroom and into the bedroom but what you were looking at wasn't Tom at all. It was Tessa. She had jumped onto the bed and your underwear was hanging from her mouth so innocently as she decided to tear it to shreds.

"Tessa! Princess, I'm happy to see you but why are you chewing on mommy's underwear?! No, no, no!" You say rushing over to her and despite her doing something bad you couldn't resist petting her head and giving her a little hug.

"Ugh now, what am I gonna do? That was my favorite pair..." You say looking sadly over at your suitcase and you huff and puff annoyed but you could never be mad at Tessa she was basically Tom's baby and she was equally as loved by you too.

You go over to your suitcase sifting through your clothes tossing and throwing articles of clothing over your shoulder, pieces landing on the floor, others landing on the bed and some even on Tessa's head. She just whimpers and whines as she rolls around in your clothes, tongue sticking out panting. No underwear nor even a damn bra can be found in your suitcase and you furrow your brow in frustration.

"Ok, seriously what the fuck?! I know I packed more than one pair for this trip and I'm pretty sure you didn't eat them, Tess." You say turning on your heels to look back at her, those little puppy dog eyes of her staring back at you as she barks in response, her tail wagging back and fourth happily.

"If I find out one of the maids stole it I'm going to have a fi-" You're cut off by a familiar voice as you turn your head towards the double doors of the bedroom Tom standing between them holding what seemed like a beautiful black matching panty and bra set.

"You looking for these? What, cat got your tongue darling?" He said a smirk well on his face as his eyes clearly wandered to the white robe that was wrapped around your body.

You roll your eyes at him pretending to still be mad but oh how grateful you were that he finally returned to the room.

"Tom this isn't funny, I need those to go to dinner tonight. Don't think having Tessa come in here to soften me up means I've forgiven you." You say turning your head sighing but you walk towards him seeming reluctant but oh how you wanted him to just rip the robe off you right then and there, would he have the guts though?

He takes a couple of steps towards you throwing the undergarments he had just brought for you to the floor joining the other pieces of clothes. He threw off his baseball cap, letting his wild sweaty curls free, it was clear his eyes were filled with lust for you and he sure wasn't playing games.

"I think I'd rather see you in that tight black dress tonight without the panties and bra don't you think? Who needs those anyway? It just gives me better access," He paused biting his bottom lip taking even more steps towards you and you weren't stopping either.

"Plus I have no idea what you're talking about, having Tessa come in here to soften you up? Who could ever come up with a plan like that? Stealing all your underwear, hiding it, and then making you undress for me? How scandalous." A low chuckle coming from his lips as his eyes never left your body only focusing on you.

"Only a crazy man like you would come up with such an elaborate plan," You giggle at how silly he could be in such a situation.

"You don't have to steal my underwear to see me naked you know. All you have to do is just ask or maybe not even that you have to do..." Your voice trails off as your fingers creep down to your waist tugging slowly at the knot on the robe.

"So does this mean all is forgiven then?" He asks, god he could be so naive sometimes.

"I think you're gonna have to work a little harder than that. You can't walk in here and expect me to give in so easily," You say just as you're about to open the knot and let the robe open, you stop, immediately teasing him. Your steps are delicate as you stop just in front of him, your hands landing on his pecs, your nails playing with the fabric of his sweaty and damp polo.

"How about we subtract a couple of pieces? We are a bit uneven right now and that's not fair Tom."

Your fingers slowly dragging down the fabric, your fingertips being able to feel his abs through his shirt until reaching the hem and pulling it upwards. With his help, the shirt is on the floor in seconds as his lips curve into a smirk the more your fingers travel downward to the button of his shorts.

"I'm all about playing a fair game darling." His smirk only grows wider as your fingers play with the waistband of his briefs poking out of his fitted shorts.

"From now on, no more making me the caddy gal. Since 'Mr. Holland' makes so much money you're going to hire a proper caddy after I'm done with you. I get to watch from the golf cart, deal?" You ask or more like demanding as he nods his head in response.

"It's a deal, as long as you get to wear the tight skirt while you're watching me then it's definitely a done deal." He says a little chuckle leaving both your and his lips at the same time as you nod your head 'yes'.

You do the honors of unbuttoning his shorts as they fall to the ground and he immediately grabs the knot you had done such a good job undoing that he whips your robe open in one easy swipe of his skillful hands leaving you standing completely vulnerable and naked right in front of him. He was no stranger to your body and neither you to his so why did you always blush and act shy when you were with him? Probably because you knew despite being rough he could also be tender with you and go slow but be fast all at once and it just made your blood boil for him.

"Now this is my idea of fun." He said before the next thing you know you're already scooching your way up onto the bed, Tessa jumping off of the bed and scurrying off to the living room.

"Took you long enough to realize the idea of fun I was talking about." You say rocking your hips as you curl your finger calling him over, a smile on your face as he crawled up on the bed hovering over your body.

His hands glued themselves to your hips squeezing your skin between his fingers. He leans down closer, his nose nuzzling into the crook of your neck his lips brushing against the delicate patch of skin. His muscular body pressed down and grinding against your naked one, a small muffled moan escaping your lips as you buck your hips against his erect cock that had been brushing up against your inner thigh. He was already hard just looking and smelling your scent, his teeth grazing your skin, gaining another moan from your lips before sinking his teeth into you. His soft lips peppering kisses every so often stopping and sucking at your skin leaving his mark trailing down your neck and to your collarbones.

Your hands find their way to the nape of his neck letting your fingers play with his loose curls pulling every so often as soft moans slip off your tongue. His hips grind harder against you the sound of your moans like music to his ears, encouraging him to keep going. His hands running up and down your sides, one hand sliding up to your breast squeezing and kneading it. Your nipple hard to the touch as his fingers played with it flicking his thumb over the top of the sensitive area.

"T-T-Tom..." Your voice was shaky, stuttering as you could feel your core pulsing with want and need for him. Just watching him on the course was child's play this was what you really wanted.

"Fuck, you smell amazing darling...I wanted to rip that skirt off you, right then and there on the course but seems like I'll have to save that for next time." His voice husky and almost growling as he says it just makes you more turned on than before.

"W-Well then promise me you will buy me another one after you rip it off me, will you?" You say but before you could even get a little giggle out his lips were on yours.

His soft lips pressed up against yours, his tongue swiping against your bottom lip asking for entrance. Your hands move from the nape of his neck to the sides of his face pulling him closer cupping his cheeks as you deepen the kiss. Muffled moans now leaving both of your lips as his tongue danced in unison with yours the kiss progressively getting sloppier. His hands wander slowly going down your side, his fingertip ghosting over your hipbone and going even lower down your thigh and squeezing so tight there for sure would be bruises. Your back arched in response to the roughness but neither of you minded to get a little rough once in a while leaving marks for the public to see. Despite being a major figure in the golfing community Tom wasn't afraid to show off that he loved his woman and that he had more skills other than hitting a golf ball for miles on end.

His lips pulled away slowly scanning over your facial features just by the lewd face you were making it made him even more eager to fuck you senseless.

"I promise...god you're so beautiful. I'm sorry darling, I've been neglecting you for too long." He says his voice low and throaty as he starts kissing down lower and lower until his lips reach your hip bone pressing kisses over the slowly forming bruises his hands had caused.

"Then show me how you make up for lost time and fuck me already." Your breath hitched as his free hand slowly trails over your stomach going even lower to your core, his fingertips teasing your clit.

Your fingers embed themselves into his reddish-brown curls as your hands push him further down till you were satisfied. He scatters kisses on your inner thigh trailing up till he reaches your entrance his tongue licking up your lips gaining a breathless moan from you as your fingers pull at his hair more tugging his head closer. You could feel his lips smile against your entrance and you tilt your head back against the headboard your moans only growing louder as your thighs are resisting to clench closed by how well his tongue is working into your heat. His hands gripped your hips keeping them steady as you had the urge to buck your hips against his tongue harder.

His lips pull away for just a moment to look up at you, his fingernails digging into the flesh of your inner thigh pushing your legs to stay open. His tongue poking out between his lips licking them as he takes his thumb swiping it across his bottom lip and biting it.

"You're so wet already for me princess..." He says lifting his head and peppering more kisses on your inner thigh seeing the way you shuddered and squirmed just by the touch of his lips on your skin just made him want to completely devour you.

Your breathing was uneven as he was clearly teasing you. He hadn't even let you cum and you knew that was just the start of his slow torture.

"I was already hot and bothered the minute I saw you swing your club this morning. Have I told you that you look so damn hot when you tee off?" You say biting your lip as he lifted his head up and ran his fingers through his curls shaking them loose, some stands landing on his sweaty forehead and sticking to the sweat.

He hooked his fingertips in the sides of his briefs pulling them down painfully slow, his cock springing up and laying flat up against his abs. A small moan escaped his own lips as he looked into your eyes full of lust, his eyes only focusing on the shape of your body, the scent of vanilla and mint radiating off of your skin. He grinds down on you till both your bodies, skin against skin, are both pressed up against each other. Your breasts pressed to his sweaty chest and his arms embracing you, holding you close to him as he positions himself right at your entrance. His hot breath hits your lips before pressing into you, a gasp coming from both you and him simultaneously. Your hands grip onto his back, fingernails digging into his skin as he slowly starts to move in and out of you slowly picking up the pace letting you adjust to his cock.

His lips immediately on yours, pants, moans, and grunts filling the room. As Tom picks up the pace thrusting faster into you, you scream his name over and over between wet sloppy kisses. One hand intertwining together with yours, an imprint being made into the mattress of both of your hands. You squeeze his hand so hard you thought you might break his hand by sheer force. His thrusts get sloppy the faster he goes sliding his cock so easily in and out of you, your walls pulsing around him as he let out a loud moan pressing you deep into the mattress his lips hiding in the crook of your neck as he tries to muffle his moans and groans, your name falling off his lips every few seconds. You turn your head slightly your lips brushing his broad shoulder as you manage to leave a few lazy kisses there.

"Princess I'm so close..." His breath running out as he pounds his cock into you so deep he was hitting just the right spot over and over again.

"M-Me too darling..." You manage to say before the both of you reach your climaxes at the same time.

His hips buck into you one final time as your back arches off the bed his free hand sliding down your side and gripping your thigh as the pace slows down and he stops moving to lean forward pressing your body against his. His embrace wrapping you up in his arms his head lying in the crook of your neck as he catches his breath and he delicately kisses the side of your face. You stare up at the ceiling, your legs clenching around him pulling him close despite his cock going completely soft after cumming inside you. Your fingers find their way to his curls, stroking them softly as he hums content with the feeling of how relaxing such an action was.

"You haven't lost your touch darling and that totally made up for the lost time. I'm sorry for getting angry over dumb things. I know golf is important to you and you have enough room for both me and it." You confess realizing maybe you overreacted before. You never liked ending things badly and leaving even the littlest of fights unresolved.

He slightly lifts his head and rolls off to your side but still stays just inches away from you. You take the opportunity to wrap your body up in the soft white sheets that you're pretty sure room service would have a hard time cleaning the stains out of. He turns onto his side facing you his head propped up in his hand as his hazy coffee brown eyes look into yours.

"Well, I'm glad I haven't lost it just yet. No princess, I'm the one who is sorry. Lately, I haven't been giving you the attention you need...both emotionally and physically too. I know I get wrapped up in the whole golf thing sometimes but you will always be more important than all that. Plus I can tell when your body needs and wants me, clearly, you were in dire need." He says a smile growing on his face and you cover your face a bit embarrassed to admit you were being needy and you clearly just wanted more attention from him.

You lean a bit closer to him placing a softer kiss on his lips short and sweet as you savored his lips moving against yours. Your hair a mess and you gracefully pull the hair tie from it, as it cascades down the sides of your face and covers your shoulders. You notice he is staring at your every move and it makes you smile at how he looks at you in admiration even though you're nothing special. Well after all you were able to steal the place of "Tom Holland's Girlfriend" so that was an accomplishment right? You reach to cup his cheek, your fingertips gliding across his sharp jawline.

"You know I still have the candles lit in the bath and I even put bubbles in it." You say giggling as his eyes seem to light up at the words, this man was so pleased with such simple things, a true child at heart sometimes.

"Really now? Then we shouldn't let it go to waste." His eyebrows rise as he rolls off the bed standing up and already walking towards the bathroom.

You admire his ass from behind because yes you were a woman who liked a man with ass and he sure as hell had a good one. You roll around in the sheets groaning not wanting to move and he looks back at you in confusion.

"You know you can't stay there forever." He says sighing his naked figure leaning against the door frame, he looked like a perfectly chiseled statue right out of Rome when he was completely butt naked.

"I'll only join you if you carry me there." You say laughing into the sheets your eyes peeking up from under them looking at him as another award-winning smile is on his lips again, a chuckle coming from him as he rushes over to you his fingers playfully scratching you all over trying to make you laugh and giggle more.

"Ah! Tom! Stop! Stop! You know I'm ticklish!" You say between breaths from laughing too hard as you're able to lift the sheets up enough to distract him pulling him down onto the bed once again your body tangling together with his, the sheet had flown in the air gracefully covering the both of you and you're both caught in a giant laughing fit full of smiles.

As your body is pressed together with his despite being under the sheets (literally) you look at his beautiful eyes once more, it felt like the moment had frozen in time as you both just smile at each other loving the little moments of playfulness.

"Your so beautiful Y/N. I'm the luckiest man to ever exist." He says his nose nuzzling against yours.

"Then I must be the luckiest woman to fall completely and utterly in love with you. every single day." You whisper into the close space between your faces. The feeling of repeating the "I love you's" and "You're so beautiful" were constant but never tiring or old.

As you both laid in bed together with your bodies sinking into the mattress together it was all picture-perfect as you both knew, despite the little fights and arguments Tom's love for you and your love for him would be forever and always.

READ PT. 2 of Famous Golfer AU

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augment-techs · 3 years ago

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sentence starters: Golem Girl (edition one)

And let me tell you, fucking is a lot louder than a whisper.

The night people left me alone.

And silence makes three.

“If I looked like you, I’d kill myself!”

Resplendent in a concertmaster tuxedo complete with tails.

A bunch of wannabe Marx Brothers equipped with bongs and a comprehensive collection of porn.

Of course they knew. Quasi-twinship is a two-way street.

We’d just gotten their blessing--but as what? Lovers? Or cripple and caretaker?

Got it. The Universal equated to men at war and women in bed. The fragile human body pertained only to me.

Their ghost led me straight to a dupioni coat in brilliant manganese blue.

Anticipating no. Hearing yes.

Blood shot from my head to my groin like delirious crosstown traffic.

I acquired erotic strategy by the hour.

The magic trick of the penis alone--supernatural.

No matte. I’d learned that I loved, I mean loved, sex.

No one’s ego survives being seen in stirrups.

Male ugliness was not an obstacle; talking frogs and werewolf noblemen.

In fairy tales, the reverse never held true.

A cranky mystic who cultivated their own bamboo forest.

“But you’re the most interesting person here.”

Turned out that something was their white iron bed.

“I am made of thicker clay.”

The contest was won by youthful delusion, as it always is.

Our new home was a loft in the Flats, right above the dance club.

I responded by dying my hair in hot-pink stripes and by shopping at grungy thrift stores in Boystown.

This was not the man I knew.

Another park, another river, another attempt to figure us out.

The joke was that they weren’t leaving, I was. Seemed I was the gay one after all.

I had signed the lease long before I’d known we were to be a threesome.

I was a crow among flamingos.

My days were full of vertigo and fog.

My librarian, my architect, my surgeon general, my curator.

Sand and sea shone through their bodies.

Jackal-headed canopic urns guarded the hearts of the dead; winged lapis bulls thrust their beards atop the Assyrian gates.

I had pins in my hip, crutches under my arms, and wasn’t able to open my legs. A lot could be done nonetheless, and we did a thrilling amount of it.

His actions were reprehensible, and yet he saved me.

Grief, for one molten second, is lifted away and transmuted into hate.

We cover the mirrors, we tear our clothes.

People bring food. Soon food covers every flat surface.

The marriage rituals say that if you have sex, the room must only be lit with a candle hidden behind a screen.

“Think of the patterns they’d make in the floor.”

A sly and bewitching pixie who had once taken me downtown to Fountain Square and taught me how to scoop up pigeons in my bare hands and toss them at men in business suits.

I’d discovered that there were satisfyingly weird people at college.

People who played the ocarina at dawn; whose wardrobe consisted of tie-dyed dungarees, tie-dyed scarves, tie-dyed T-shirts, and tie-dyed socks (we avoided asking about underwear).

Pale and fair and shy, until they got wired on vending machine coffee.

In retrospect, they probably coveted both of us for our hair.

Headless, armless, heavily scarred men and women whose torsos were rent by gaping hollows.

At least I wasn’t making the creepiest work.

I was doodling lions in the margins of my history textbook when a grenade went off in my belly.

Sirens. Curious faces. A bitter wind sliding around the stretcher.

Universal law decrees that tumors and cysts are either golf balls or grapefruit.

I woke up with a wide flat smile of an incision just above my pubic bone, and the sensation that I’d been set on by sadistic plumbers.

Carrie Buck vs Bell, wherein the woman, her sister, and daughter, were sterilized after being labeled “feeble-minded”; the judge ruled against their lawsuit.

Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. pronounced the famous verdict: “Three generations of imbeciles is enough.”

The eugenics movement began in the USA and not in Germany.

When my friends and I had splashed and dunked each other wearing one-piece suits wearing fishies and whales.

What I saw was a man with a serious fetish.

I examined my ghostly portrait, flesh stripped away, inconsequential, revealing my glowing Scheherazade bones.

Two days after they left, I was on the table again.

I hadn’t realized that “traction” meant being trussed up like Wile E. Coyote after another self-induced misfortune.

My response was to develop a case of hospital delirium.

Who hid behind transparent curtains and gave birth to shards of glass.

My bowl was afloat with tiny, fragile spines.

My train back to Chicago was a nine-hour anxiety attack.

You’ve never been kissed until you’ve made out with a saxophone player.

“If it wasn’t for the fact you need me, I would kill myself.”

“It’s, well, it’s voluntary paralysis.”

I’ve imagined them as a chicken-boned ectomorph, as a deluded Colossus bestriding the halls of the hospital.

They were staring at me from the black balaclava of a serial killer.

Their elbows were a strange pewter blue; stranger still they could take a nickel or a dime and wrote words on their own arm; due to a condition called dermatographic urticaria.

Let’s not forget the tapeworm.

I wore its small cold weight as a comfort.

Sex scared me from my bones outward.

Both one year older than me, both willing to give me the shelter of their wings.

Hello, another Weirdo Island.

Who knew that sweaters were handed down for generations?

I should have been sent to a gynecologist; instead, my pediatrician sent me to a psychiatrist.

There’s not just love in this story, but luck.

Dark luck is not bad luck. Luck can be shrouded and half-shadowed, if its outcome takes years--even half a lifetime--to be revealed. If its origin is pain.

The house loved sunshine.

Their crutches splayed sideways like the legs of a day old fawn.

I shrugged and launched myself into anarchy.

But back into the fireplace.

It was good to know I had something to offer this friendship.

The entire school had a crush in their crush.

What a ludicrous victory.

I loved them with all my heart. They were funny and sarcastic, a truth-teller and wizard at whipping up urgently needed comfort food.

And there was no one left to ask.

But with a thin veneer of whimsy pasted on top.

Operating rooms, bright and clean and full of things for cutting meat.

Flesh pink, skin pink, lip pink, palm pink, vagina pink, eyelid pink.

Curtains parted for the theater of blood.

…In a broken-glass, stop-motion bullet.

Their body was big and emphatically solid.

On our third night lust trumped fear.

In Jewish folklore, the Angel of Death is rather stupid.

Teratology, from the Greek teratos, or “monster,” is the medical term for the study of birth defects.

“From God’s perspective, all humans are disabled.” --Michael Chemers.

Golems are permitted to exist only if they conform to the wishes of their masters.

When a Golem determines its own purpose--let’s call it hubris--it is almost always destroyed.

#writing prompts #ASK ME SOMETHING #sentence starters #boom! power rangers #golem girl #riva lehrer

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anonymous0writer · 5 years ago

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Prince and Princess

Author: @anonymous0writer

Warnings: Smut. Swearing. Light alcohol use.

Requested: Yes!

“can i have an imagine with topper where you guys are going to midsummers with topper and you guys are basically the kook prince and princess and everyone's like all over you guys and then going back to toppers and doing the dirty and it's like really good too”

Summary: You and your boyfriend are called the prince and princess of the Kooks. What a fitting theme for Midsummers.

A/N: This is so cute. And I have a soft spot for Topper- I know. He needs a redemption arc in the next season or I’ll be sad. But this was fun! And I love the idea of a prince and princess Kook. :) I loved this request!

Also this is just a regular midsummers. Not based off the show. Sarah and Topper were never together. :)

(This is the first Topper gif I’ve laid eyes on, lol)

Prince and Princess of the Kooks. Prince and Princess of Figure Eight. The Kook Princess with her prince. The prince of the Kooks. The Kook royals.

The titles had always been linked to you and your boyfriend. You didn’t really mind it, because the words weren’t lies. You and Topper were famous among the Kooks. And you’d been together for a long time, and you were the among the three richest families in Figure Eight. Once apon a time, Sarah Cameron was dating your brother and they were the power couple, but Sarah had cheated like she always did and you brother had eyes for another.

So the title of Prince and Princess of Figure Eight was yours. And it was beyond fitting.

Y/N Y/L/N. The second child of four to the Y/L/N dynasty. The second richest family in Figure Eight. Close friends and business partners with the Camerons. Rich beyond measure. Famous name and company. Massive house with the biggest pool. The princess of the Kooks.

Topper Thornton. The heir to the Thornton legacy. The third richest family on the Figure Eight. Father was the best man at both of Ward Cameron’s weddings. Money practically bursting out of the bank account. A grand house with a private, sprawling gold course. Name known and feared around the island. The prince of the Kooks.

It was fitting for you two to date. And it was perfect for your families. Dating since the summer before freshman year at Kook Academy. They all prayed you’d marry and join to create a powerhouse of class and wealth. And it looked like you were headed down the perfect path.

And it was even more fitting for you two to show up to Midsummer's the way you did.

You were dressed in a satin, pale pink colored dress. Hair curled tightly and dressed in a half up, half down manner. Pearls adoring your ears and throat. Your nails a creamy color with a silver colored ring slipped carefully on your finger. Your makeup was light. Mascara and blush that heighten your beauty. You looked beautiful, with your tan, glowing skin from days in the French countryside. A princess indeed.

Topper was in his suit. A soft gray with a pink button up shirt. Matching you perfectly. Even the flower tucked in the pocket of his blazer was the same pale color as your dress. His skin was tan from days lounging around his pool and golfing. And his body was toned from working out throughout the summer. And his blue eyes seemed extra bright. A prince indeed.

You linked you arm with your boyfriend, sending a fleeting smile toward him. Before you exited the building the party was held at, Topper leaned forward and kissing your temple. His warm lips against your head eased your nerves. You were somewhat nervous. It was your first appearance after leaving for summer vacation in France with your family. You were worried everything changed in the span of the two months you were gone. You’d missed your boyfriend more than anything, and had feared he’d changed his mind about you two. But he’d eased your nerves and reminded you of his love.

“You look beautiful, baby.”

You smiled. “You look quiet good yourself,” You eyes roam over his figure appreciatively.

He grins back, but soon enough it was your cue to step through the massive french doors. You stepped out into the yard of the festivities of Midsummers. It was breathtaking. Fairy lights strung around the posts of the pergola. Soft clinks of champagne glasses and soft laughter filled the air. Fancy, expensive dresses shifting as the girls in them danced to the music floating around the area in a gentle haze. The night was warm, a cool breeze wrapping around you and embracing you. The sun was half setting, making the horizon explode in bright oranges and rich pinks and soft, bruise colored purples.

Topper’s grin widened as you joined the party. The part was a good way to come back to Outer Banks. You fell right back in with Sarah and your old friends. They filled you in on the happenings around the island as they pressed you with seemingly endless questions about France. As you talk, your hand is tight in Topper’s. His eyes are filled with love as he looks on at you, pulling you just a bit closer because he needs you closer.

And as the dancing picks up, your boyfriend extends as hand and asks to dance. His hands go to your waist and he pulls you closer. You rest your head on his chest, swaying to the music playing. His embrace is warm and you shiver as the night gets cooler. Your hands grasp Topper’s blazer as you snuggle into his warmth. You missed your boyfriend more than anything. You were tempted to beg your father to allow him to come, but you knew the answer wouldn’t be what you wanted. You’d gotten back to North Carolina a few days ago and were getting over the jet lag and unpacking for most of them. So tonight was one of first nights you and Topper had since you got back.

Topper pulled you closer and kisses your hair. “You okay, baby?” He breathed in your ear.

“Yes. I just missed you.” You replied and broke away to peer up at him. You smiled brightly and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

The music started to pick up, and before you knew it, you and your boyfriend were dancing around each other in the classic Midsummer’s dance. You giggled at his facial expressions as he struggled to remember some of the moves, but you were always there, helping him step in the right direction.

When the song ended, you two broke away to get some drinks. You were breathless from the dancing and stumbled after your boyfriend. He grabbed your elbow to steady you and laughed. Topper snagged two tall champagne glasses and handed you one. Technically you weren’t supposed to drink, because you were minors, but everyone in attendance drank at Midsummers. It was practically tradition.

You took a sip, trying not to get too drunk. But you weren’t even given the chance to take another sip because more people flocked you, asking you questions about France and gushing about how you and your tall boyfriend were perfect. You couldn’t even close your mouth for a second, questions overflowing. You caught Topper’s eye and he smirked, amused. But you loved how nice and lovely they were being. And how they pestered the boy beside you too.

“Alright,” Topper cleared his throat after a while. “I’m going to dance with my beautiful girl if you don’t mind.” He smiled at the Kooks surrounding you two. When his blue eyes landed on your they light up and he gripped your hand.

The boy pulled you away from your classmates and friends. However, he didn’t pull you to the dance floor like he said he would. Topper held your hand as he led you back inside the country club. You giggled as he entered a hallway and dragged you down another. He stopped, pulling you toward him in an empty hallway.

Here, the music was heavily muted and the sounds of the party were practicality non-existent. Topper pushed your against the wall, lips meeting yours in a long over due, passionate kiss. The kiss was sweet, but behind it was a breathless “I missed you”.

You kissed back, lips hot. Your fingers dug into his hair, quickly finding home. His hands on your waist and pulling you endlessly closer were familiar. As you kissed, making up for the ones you didn’t have this summer, you felt home. You felt perfectly happy and at ease. He gave you warmth and love. You finally felt home. You never felt this way. Not when you touched down on American soil. No even when you arrived in Outer Banks. No even when you entered your bedroom. Not in the arms of any other. Here, in Topper’s arms, you felt at home.

“Top,” You whispered, gasping for breath as you pulled away. You clung to his jacket, not wanting to let go. “Let’s go back to your place.”

He smirked at the intended actives you’d participate in back at his house. You weren’t driven by lust, or need. A tiny part of you, sure. But you wanted an intimate night with the boy who had your heart. He kissed your cheek after pecking your lips.

“Yeah, okay.” He breathed, breath hot on your neck. He intertwined your fingers and led you to his car.

---

Topper’s lips were hot and needy on yours as he pulled you in for a searing kiss. You’d made it up to his big bedroom, his lips on your skin the moment the door shut and locked.

Your fingers tangled in his hair as they always did. Your breathing became quickly labored as his mouth traveled from your lips to your jaw and down your neck. Need burst through you at every touch of his skin against yours. His fingers danced around your hips, thumbs brushing against the silky fabric of your dress. No doubt wanting the thing off. But tonight wasn’t a night for fast and furious sex. This was perfect, sweet sex. Long, passionate sex.

“Oh my,” You breathed as his lips found your sweets spot, sucking lightly.

Your hands dropped to cup his neck as you pulled away. “Top,”

His eyes flickered up to meet yours, mouth still hovering over your skin. Topper stood, hands cupping your face. He pressed a sweet kiss to your lips.

“Yes?”

“I love you.” You stated, looking him hard in the eyes. You meant it. You’d always mean it.

His lips curved into a big smile. “I love you, Y/N.”

You nodded, and looped your arms around his neck as Topper carried you to his bed, setting you down. He crawled over you, your dress spilling around you in a satin halo. His lips connected to your collar bone, taking their time with exploring the smooth plains of your skin.

You arch your back, aching for his touch. Topper’s fingers dance along the straps of your dress, sliding them down your shoulders. You squirm out of the dress, your hot skin exploding with goose bumps as the cool air wraps around you. But Topper’s body hovers over yours, a soft warmth radiating. Your lips find his again even as your fingers tug restlessly at the buttons of his shirt. You don’t bother with his blazer or getting it off. You just need to feel his skin against your finger tips. The buttons open to reveal part of his tanned chest.

“Topper,” You breath, meeting his lust blown eyes. He pulls away, lips leaving your skin as he peels off his shirt and blazer. You grip his shoulders as he grabs one thigh and pushes against you, lips hungrily meeting yours. Yours hand go for his pants, as his hands slid up your legs. Topper’s hands are warm and the edge of his fingertips run along the edge of your underwear. You squirm, need threatening to break your self control. You feel your panties go wet as you undo Topper’s belt. The boy finishes your job, yanking off his pants and throwing them on his floor.

His lips cascade onto your chest, dipping in between your breasts and onto the valley of your stomach. His kisses are hot and needy. Your hands tug at his hair, aching for more. Constantly more. You buck your lips slightly at his face as his lips trail along the hem of your underwear. Suddenly, the boy on top of you grabs your thighs and rests them on his shoulders. Topper’s head dips down to tease you, peppering kisses and marking your legs lightly. You can’t help the loud moan spilling from your throat.

“Baby, please,” You whined, your core aching.

Topper dropped your legs lightly and crawled back up your body to kiss you. You hands were still nestled in his hair and you tugged lightly, soliciting a moan from your boyfriend. He rolled his hips against yours, needing the friction as much as you. He muttered a curse as your head tipped back and your dropped your hands to tug his boxers down. Soon enough they were off, and Topper was quick to rid you of your own underwear.

And he was teasing you, eyes roaming over your bare body. You cupped his cheeks and moaned his name. The moan made his eyes flicker. “Please?” You begged, the need almost too much.

With a simple thrust of his hips, Topper pushed into you, making you cry out loudly, hands grasping his hair. He leaned over you, face dropping into the curve of your shoulder. His soft grunting and occasional moans threw you faster towards your climax. Topper’s hips rolled expertly against yours, hitting deep places only he was able to touch. You cried his name every time he hit a certain spot. Your legs were shaking, and your hands dropped to grip the sheets, tangling them.

“Oh my- Fuck!” You screamed as your boyfriend hefted a leg higher, granting him more access.

“Come on baby,” Topper muttered in your ear, a moan following soon after. The bed was creaking, moving in time with Topper’s fast thrusts.

Topper was unforgiving, going harder and fucking you until you couldn’t form a thought. The moans he solicited were sure to send you to hell. You clenched harder around him, your stomach tightening into a coil.

“Top!” You moaned, back arching off the bed as he slammed into you. The coil was threatening to snap as Topper’s hips started to stuttered.

“God baby. You feel so good.” He praised, hitting your g-spot as you eyes fluttered closed and you reached up to run your hands through his hair.

And then you snap. You cum, body going lax and Topper releases too, shooting into you. His hips stop, trying to catch his breath while being seated in you. You hands relax, and you fall back against the bed, spent.

That was by far the best sex you’ve had with Topper. Or anyone for that matter. Your high was fading, but you could still feel it hover over you like a ghost. You closed your eyes, savoring the feeling. Your boyfriend lay down next to you, chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath.

You roll on your side, facing your boyfriend.

“Top,” You whisper, voice hoarse from screaming his name. The blue eyed boy smiles at you, pulling you closer to him. You nestle into his warmth, head resting on his chest. You listen on as his heart beat clams down, sure your own is beating just as fast.

Topper brushes your hair away from your sweaty skin and leans to press a kiss to your shoulder. “Baby, that was good.”

You curl closer to him. “That was the best sex I’ve had, Top.”

Topper’s arm wrap tighter around you, fingertips tracing random patterns into your skin. His breath fans against your ear, making you squirm away, giggling. He kisses your hair.

“You were really good, sweetheart.” He rests his chin on the top of your head. You close your eyes, exhausted. You stay quiet for a beat before your boyfriend speaks up. “I missed you a lot, baby girl.”

“I missed you more,” You mumble, falling quickly into the arms of sleep. You doze, barely able to hear your boyfriend as he kisses your hair again.

“I’m going to marry you, baby.”

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bluecrusadearcade · 4 years ago

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Harrison Osterfield is not your regular irregular

By Baker Street, Gentleman’s Journal quizzes the star of Netflix’s new drama on world records, Sherlock Holmes and his golf swing…

Draped in a silk shirt and paisley scarf, Harrison Osterfield is shivering his way across a brisk Regent’s Park. But he’s not complaining. Why would he? After all, the 24-year-old has dealt with worse. In his latest television series alone — Netflix’s The Irregulars — he’s tussled with demonic crows, paranormal serial killers and even the occult. So a little nip in the air? Nothing to worry about.

“I do have my eye on that jumper, though,” beams Osterfield from behind a bold pair of sunglasses. I don’t blame him. It’s a chunky-knit, funnel-neck number from Connolly, and the next piece of clothing lined up for this al fresco photoshoot. But, for now, the young actor must grit his chattering teeth — and continue striking willowy poses in that billowy shirt.

And those poses are turning heads. Dog-walkers, taxi drivers and tourists are all picking up on Osterfield’s energy; a coolly British blend of big grins and bouncy enthusiasm. He swings from a lamppost! He dances through daffodils! He feeds the pigeons! NW1 hasn’t seen this much action in months…

And we’ve come to Regent’s Park for obvious reasons; Baker Street snakes down from its south-west corner. And, on that famous thoroughfare, sits the fictional digs of Sherlock Holmes. But The Irregulars, a supernatural-tinged drama named for Holmes’ gang of trusty street informants, wasn’t shot in London. Rather, it was filmed on the authentically old streets of Sheffield and Liverpool — the same cobbles walked by the Peaky Blinder boys. So this, Osterfield grins, is a fun opportunity to see the real thing.

“All of the rest of the cast,” he admits, “are really big Sherlock fans. I’ve never really read any of the Sherlock books. I’ve seen maybe one Robert Downey Jr. film? So I was very new going into it.”

Today, then, will be a crash course. Because, after we get Osterfield out of the park (and into that jumper), we’re heading to the Holmes Hotel for a coffee and a catch-up. It’s a relatively new hotel just off Baker Street, decked out with knowing nods to the world’s greatest detective. There’s a bronze bulldog guarding the door, pipe-patterned wallpaper and signature cocktails at the sadly-closed bar (anyone for a ‘Case Closed’?).

But, though there are only suggestions of Sherlock in the Holmes Hotel, Osterfield explains that they’re even subtler in the show. Because The Irregulars, in a nutshell (wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma), sidelines the sleuth, and shifts the focus onto Osterfield and his fellow gang members. The actor plays one of the show’s leads; frail runaway nobleman Prince Leopold. All sullen glances and broken bones, his story is the heart of this first season.

“And it’s been a long project in the making,” says Osterfield, noting that filming on The Irregulars began almost two years ago. “That’s quite daunting. When you’ve spent that much time on something and you’ve got no idea how it’s going to turn out?

“It means that, now, it’s crunch time,” he continues, face creasing with mock-worry, “and I have no idea how people are going to react. But I’m really proud of the work, and that’s what I’m taking away from it.”

The Irregulars may be Osterfield’s first lead role — but he’s been acting for years, popping up in several short films and the George Clooney-directed adaptation of Catch-22 before Netflix took notice. His first role came at 11-years-old, when he was cast as Tiny Tim in his school’s stage production of A Christmas Carol. “It’s funny, actually,” says Osterfield, “because it’s quite a similar physicality to my role in The Irregulars”.

“But that’s where it started,” he continues. “And the real reason I got into acting was because there was this girl in the drama class who I really liked. I thought, if I joined up and impressed her, I could take her out on a date. That didn’t happen. But, although she wasn’t interested at all — the acting seems to be going okay!”

It certainly does. But, like actors all over the world, it’s been a very slow year for Osterfield. He returned to set in September to finish filming the Netflix show — but the rest of his lockdown was eerily, cannily familiar to everyone else’s.

“I went back to my home in Kingston,” he nods, “where I was living with three of my best mates who are also actors. Quite a few of my friends are in theatre, and they had a really tough time of it — not knowing what was going to happen next. I was very lucky, knowing that I was going back to finish something”.

The actor says it was strange being locked-down with fellow performers. With sets closed around the country and curtains falling on theatres, it was one of the first times they had all been at home together. But, even with the additional pressure, he says there were no problems. And there never have been, according to Osterfield — as it’s rare that he and his friends ever compete for the same role.

“We’re all very different castings!” he laughs. “Which is good. It’s a mixed bag, really. But it’s very useful when you’ve got to self-tape an audition and there’s another actor literally upstairs. Also, we’ve all known each other for ten years, so we’ve grown up together and, luckily, know when not to push each other’s buttons.”

With no work, Osterfield spent most of his 2020 getting stuck into lockdown. And he shamelessly tried every self-isolated stereotype. He binge-watched every sports documentary from Drive to Survive to Last Chance U. He upped the frequency and intensity of his workouts. He even tried his hand at cooking. He tried everything.

“I did try everything!” the actor laughs, fizzing once more with that lamppost-swinging, daffodil-dancing energy. “Really! I think I went though every lockdown activity there is. I gave baking a go for two weeks — that didn’t work out. I made a banana bread and that was it. I’m not going to be delving into that any more…

“We were quite lucky, though,” he adds, “because we had an outdoor space. We built a homemade golf net in our garden, by putting up two wooden poles and hanging a blue screen we had left over from filming. That kept us entertained most days”.

But, despite the failed banana breads, closed-off golf courses and Irregulars anxiety, Osterfield says that the worst thing about lockdown was missing his family.

“Because we’re a very close family”, he explains. “Massively so. And, usually, we’d have family gatherings every other weekend – my whole family are in East Grinstead and closer to Brighton, so real countryside. I’m honestly just looking forward to the day, with summer on the horizon, that we can do some good barbecues outside.

“We even tried family Zoom quizzes over lockdown,” he adds, “and they all figured out that I’m not that clever. The rest of my family all seem really, really intelligent. I don’t know if they were just revising beforehand, but I was definitely last a couple of times…”

And Osterfield’s most inspiring family member — not to mention the most irregular — is his 89-year-old grandfather. Despite the young actor upping his own fitness levels during lockdown (“I started doing handstand push-ups. That’s my new skill!”) Osterfield’s grandfather put those athletic achievements to shame.

“He’s fitter than me!” laughs Osterfield. “He’s been kept at home for most of the time and, as a family, we’ve been quite worried about him. But I struggle to keep up with him. I’ll ring him up and ask how his day’s going and he’ll say ‘Oh, hi Harry. Can I call you back later on? I’m just doing some exercise’. So he’s doing better than okay!”

But the exercising, Osterfield says seriously, has been a real lifeline. It’s kept both him and his mind busy during lockdown — and has motivated the actor to pursue more physical, active roles in the future. If he can look back at a body of versatile work, measured out in marked body transformations, he says he’ll be happy.

“I’ve been doing a lot of bodyweight exercise over the last year,” he nods. “I thought it would be quite cool, while in lockdown, to break a world record for something — so I’ve been trying lots of fitness challenges. I’m very close to getting the most burpee chin-ups in under a minute. I’ve got to knuckle down on that.

“I also tried to eat an apple in under 38 seconds,” he laughs. “Which sounds like a long time, but it’s actually quite difficult. And, with apples, I eat everything. Even the middle bit. Even the stem. I just chuck it down. I’m a big fruit bat, so I eat everything apart from the seeds.”

There’s that bouncy energy again; that fun-but-utterly-sincere enthusiasm. It’s an odd thing for an actor, to be so happily unabashed by everything — but the 24-year-old is as animated when talking about his acting as he is about his apples. And that’s nice to see. He’s clearly relishing every opportunity to better himself, and just getting started with what promises to be a very exciting career. Harrison Osterfield, it seems, takes every bite of the apple — literally. Talk about irregular.

#Harrison osterfield #the gentlemans journal #the irregulars #interview

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onlygreens12 · 8 months ago

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Unique Golf Gifts: Stand Out with These Creative Ideas

Golf enthusiasts are a special breed. They live and breathe the game, celebrating every birdie and lamenting every bogey. When it comes to gifting, finding something that truly resonates with their passion can be a challenge. While a new driver or a set of high-end golf balls is always appreciated, why not take a step beyond the conventional and surprise them with something unique? Here are some distinctive Unique golf gifts ideas that are sure to delight any golfer.

Personalized Golf Accessories

One of the most thoughtful ways to show you care is by giving personalized golf accessories. Imagine a custom-engraved golf ball marker featuring their initials or a special message. For a more practical touch, consider personalized golf tees or a monogrammed golf towel. These items add a personal touch to their game and make for memorable keepsakes.

Golf-Themed Art and Decor

For the golfer who loves to decorate their space, golf-themed art and decor can be a great choice. From vintage golf posters and prints depicting famous courses to custom-made golf sculptures, these pieces can add a touch of their favorite sport to their home or office. Wall art featuring iconic golf courses or famous players can be a constant source of inspiration and pride.

Innovative Golf Gadgets

Golf gadgets are continually evolving, and there are plenty of innovative options to choose from. A high-tech rangefinder can provide accurate distance measurements, while a golf swing analyzer can help improve their game by offering detailed feedback on their swing mechanics. These gadgets not only enhance their play but also make the game more enjoyable.

Golf Course Experience Packages

If you want to give a gift that creates lasting memories, consider a golf course experience package. Many courses offer gift certificates or packages that include a round of golf, a meal, and perhaps even a golf lesson. For a truly unique touch, look for packages that include access to exclusive or renowned courses that they might not have the opportunity to play otherwise.

Customized Golf Bags

A custom golf bag is both practical and stylish. Many companies offer the option to personalize golf bags with colors, designs, and even logos or names. This makes it easy for the recipient to stand out on the course and have a bag that reflects their personal style and preferences. It’s a practical gift that combines functionality with a personal touch.

Golf-Themed Books and Journals

For golfers who love to read, consider gifting books that delve into the history, techniques, or anecdotes of the game. There are also beautifully designed golf journals where they can record their game statistics, thoughts, and goals. These items not only provide enjoyment but also serve as valuable resources for improving their skills.

Golf Training Aids

Training aids can help golfers fine-tune their skills and improve their performance. Look for products like putting mats that simulate real greens, alignment sticks to perfect their swing, or weighted training clubs to build strength. These tools offer practical benefits and show that you’re invested in helping them reach their golfing goals.

Golf Apparel with a Twist

Golf apparel doesn’t have to be ordinary. Consider items like custom-designed golf socks, quirky golf hats, or high-performance shirts with unique patterns or colors. These pieces can add a touch of fun and individuality to their golfing wardrobe while ensuring they stay comfortable on the course.

Eco-Friendly Golf Gifts

For the environmentally conscious Golf Gifts, eco-friendly gifts can be a great choice. Look for biodegradable golf tees, reusable water bottles, or golf towels made from recycled materials. These gifts show consideration for their values while still being practical and stylish.

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tacobell-cheesecake · 4 years ago

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CATBOY! MOZART AU

CATBOY MOZART

GENDER NEUTRAL READER INSERT

_____________________________________________________________

Author's Note: A few months ago I made a joke about a Catboy Mozart AU and decided since it's April First, why not write it. Image cred: google image of mozart and pics art stickers (made with picsart) i did not proof read this at all :) _____________________________________________________________

Y/N didn't mean to fall into that hole on their dad's golf course. They were just trying to drink their lemonade and scroll through wattpad when they fell. How were they supposed to know it was a time machine!??!!

They fell into a beautiful room, with a magnificent piano.

"Wow" Y/N said

"NYAAAAAAAA" a man with cat ears and a tail yelled

"WHAT THE FUCKKKK" Y/N screamed

"WHat are you doing in my music room?" the man asked

"I'm so-I'm-I'm so sorry...I-" Y/N tried to speak but the cat-eared man was actually quite gorgeous

"Get out of my room! I'm writing a song called "Molto Allegro"!"

Suddenly, Y/N realized: this was the world famous musician Mozart

"You're...Mozart?????"

"Who else would I be bitch?"

"Wow language...You're famous wow..."

"So you've heard of me"

Y/N tossed their Y/H/C hair to the side, fixing their emo side part, smudging their dark eyeliner more, and checking their ripped black skinny jeans they got at hot topic, mcr shirt (also from hot topic), and black converses they wrote on with sharpie making sure they looked true emo enough. Its not everyday you get to meet MOZART.

"Of course I've heard of you, who hasn't?"

"Oh so you're a fan" he said with a wink

"no, you're not Corpse Husband or Gerard way. BTW stream DAYWALKER with Machine Gun Kelly."

"You should be my fan...please please be my waifu :) I'll fetch you some cat ears and we can drink warm milk"

"but but I have a job. sadly I live in capitalism so i need to get back home so I can pay my rent"

"Then why did you come here?" Mozart said, licking his paws hands like a cat

"I'll tell you why" it was the voice of Y/N's father, the one who owned a golf course. Y/N and their father did not get along too well. He was rich and didn;t understand "emo" or true music. He loved capitalism and wasn't a vegan. ew gross.

"Y/N I'm leaving you here I think this is best, meet your new friend Mozart"

And just like that they lived happily ever after RAWR XD

_____________________________

taglist: @skytlake (you're welcome)

#this is so funny to me #mozart #emo #april fools #this is inspired by old wattpad fanfics im crying its so stupid

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cksmart-world · 4 years ago

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The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

May 18, 2021

GOP BATTLE CRY: “GET RID OF YOUR DIAPER”

Who could guess the new battle cry of the Trump wing of the GOP would be, “Get rid of your diaper.” Although it's a great T-shirt slogan, it's somewhat limited because it's hard to sing, although Majorie Taylor Greene did give it a good try. The failure could have something to do with the acoustics as she bellowed through the office door mail slot of Bronx Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez. Here at Smart Bomb, the staff has been unable to discern the origin of the catchy phrase. It may have been the product of focus groups in Taylor's backwoods Georgia district, although our analysts think it might be too sophisticated for her constituents, who are more likely to come up with something like, “Get rid of your taco you stupid spic.” Perhaps Taylor Greene paid an expensive K Street PR firm to come up the colorful maxim. The Trumper firebrand had a few other gems up her sleeve: she called AOC a “chicken,” which impressed some of her Republican colleagues for its finesse. But all that was just a warmup for the heavy artillery when she called AOC a "radical socialist," adding: "You don't care about the American people." But the former Bronx bartender seemed unrattled when she retorted, “I used to throw people like her out of the bar all the time.”

WINGMAN READY TO SING, MAN

Ever wonder what someone means when they say, “He's my wingman.” It used to mean a pilot whose plane is positioned behind and outside the leading aircraft in a formation. Then hockey players appropriated it for forwards, who generally do most of the scoring. But now wingman can mean almost anything. For Trumpist Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz it means something like “fixer” or maybe “pimp,” but boy did his wingman score. Of course, those are just allegations that came out when the feds investigated Gaetz' wingman, Joel Greenberg, who faces a 33 count indictment and will probably need a wingman, himself, when he ends up in the Big House alongside guys who have pretty good slap-shots. If Gaetz' wingman sings, the Congressman could face charges of sex trafficking of a minor and others. There have been more famous wingmen, of course, like Sundance was to Butch, like Spiro Agnew was to Richard Nixon, like Pence was to Trump, like Tonto was to the Lone Ranger, like Dale Evans was to Roy Rogers and like Mike Lee is to Ted Cruz (Laurel and Hardy of the Senate). But not even Agnew and Nixon were charged with sex trafficking. Let's not forget, Gaetz is innocent until proven guilty. And anyway, the girl said she was 18.

STEWART AND CURTIS: OFF WITH HER HEAD

Time to roll out the old guillotine. See, when you have a revolution everyone has go along and if they don't you have to cut their heads off. In the case of Wyoming's Congresswoman Liz Cheney, some say she's getting it in the neck for telling the truth about The Big Lie and that the January 6 insurrection was no picnic. But here in Utah, our Rep. John Curtis can explain the whole thing away: “Well, I think the thing that's been frustrating to me is missing the narrative that she was not removed because of her stance on President Trump, nor because of her statements,” Curtis said. “It's that she is not leading this party in a way that will help us,” undermine democracy or prove the Earth is flat. We also have Rep. Chris Stewart to help us understand what Curtis said: “This was not a vote to condemn Rep. Cheney for her previous vote of conscience (to impeach Trump); this was a vote to unify the Republican Party” so we don't have that bitch going on and on about The Big Lie. We can't keep talking about how the election was stolen and how January 6 was just a big party incited by Donald Trump. That would just continue to make us look like assholes who chose Trump over Truth. Oh, and by the way, don't put away the guillotine: Mitt Romney, you're next.

Post script — Well that about does it for another crazy week here on As The World Turns, aka Smart Bomb. Some of us worry too much and some don't worry enough. If you're in the second group we can help: Consider this — our birth rate is declining and has reached 1.7 children per couple. Pencil this out and you will find that is 0.3 of a person short of replacing the current population. What's wrong with that, you might say, the swimming pools and golf courses are too crowded and, almost as bad, people are starving in Bangladesh. Why can't we just go back to a less crowded world where you could get up Little Cottonwood Canyon? Well because, stupid, capitalism demands growth. There must be an expansion of goods and services — and people to purchase them. And it can't work in reverse. So for us in the U.S, the short term solution is that we need immigrants. What do you think all those Turkish guys are doing in Germany — other than the blonde women, of course. That's right, Germans stopped reproducing (too much beer?). Smart Bomb analysts have considered the data and made a prediction: Ten years from now Trumpers will be inviting immigrants from everywhere and anywhere. And when you ask, they'll say, What's a Trump?

Well Wilson, here it is May, the most beautiful month of the year and everything is coming up roses. So how about you and the guys play a little cheery something for Matt Gaetz and his sidekick Joel Greenberg:

If I had a boat I'd go out on the ocean And if I had a pony I'd ride him on my boat And we could all together Go out on the ocean Me upon my pony on my boat If I were Roy Rogers I'd sure enough be single I couldn't bring myself to marrying old Dale It'd just be me and trigger We'd go riding through them movies Then we'd buy a boat and on the sea we'd sail The mystery masked man was smart He got himself a Tonto 'Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free But Tonto he was smarter And one day said kemo sabe Kiss my ass I bought a boat I'm going out to sea...

(If I Had A Boat — Lyle Lovett)

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