#goldenstar-girl

[fallenclan]

First

Prev

Next

[ails-of-ardor-au]

Hm thinking about Bluestar contrasted to Goldenstar. ESP if she’s still the formers apprentice. Like okay Blue is told that she is to abandon and cut away any ties she has so she can fulfill her fated purpose, losing a mother, sister, kits. She never stops to think maybe she could keep these things. She has to lose everything to be born anew. She doesn’t just let these tragedies happen, she brings them about.

Whereas Golden wanted connection, she had a family, kits, that she never would’ve wanted to lose. She would’ve changed anything to keep them. And yet fate took them. Her parents (whoever they were, personally a fan of Sunfall and Speckletail), her twin, her mate, her kits. She loses them all and it hurts. And yet she’s supposed to feel grateful for this grief that rips her apart. That she simply can’t shake off. She has to rise every day and act like she earned this by losing them all.

I can’t help but feeling like she would look at Fireheart with such envy that eats her apart. He got to have it all. He goes to bed to a warm nest with the cats he loves. He wasn’t leader sure but at this point, with this much pain it’s put her in to be able to be here, she wishes she could sleep in the place that smelled of family. But she’s all alone, in her den with no one to hold, only their ghosts to show up in her dreams and tell her this was her destiny.

I’m a bit crazy over them actually- cannot wait for the Goldenstar ref I will be hanging her up on my wall lol

Was Goldenflower Bluestar’s apprentice..? That’s a very interesting extra connection between them… I’ll keep that in mind, though I’m not cementing it into the lore for now.

Also ugh… UGH!! They’re both so tragic… Two women of such different circumstances who ultimately fall onto the exact same path.

This was great to read; I love this sort of casual analysis so so much…

[glittlerandchemicalx]

Simplesmente charmosa. Queria ser.

🤭🤭🤭

[carbonateddelusion]

all of my cats. are trans .

[destinygoldenstar]

GoldenStar Of The Sun And Moon

(GoldenStar = The one on the left Crescent Knight = The one on the right)

Since the beginning of humanity, there were powerful guardians, granted powers beyond human imagining to protect the galaxy. Most of these guardians are based around the constellations found. In the solar system’s case, this is the fourteen zodiacs. (Gemini is two, & Ophiuchus, the thirteenth zodiac. Others are self explanatory)

But in the Solar System, there’s two guardian kinds that are far more powerful and reign over the space.

The Sun and The Moon.

The Sun Guardian is the blaze of life itself. That’s power is known for purifying the nightmares of darkness and harnessing the raw power side of the two.

The Moon Guardian is the controllers and the watchers of life. They have a more protective role as knights in shining abilities.

(Basically:)

(Sun: Light Powers, Fire Powers, Healing Magic on Other Living Things, Can Purify Dark Magic, Higher Body Temperature, Higher Metabolism, Immunity To Ice, Is Heavily Powered By Emotion)

(Moon: Barrier Fighters, Weaponry, Water Bending Powers, Ice Bending Powers, Metal Bending Powers, Night Vision, Immunity To Suffocation/Drowning, Healing Magic (But only on self))

(Both: Strength, Speed, Agility, Lesser Gravity Restrictions, Healing Factor (Wolverine-like. Severed limbs just grow back near instantly. The only exception is getting their hearts ripped out, which will kill them) & Both Have A Power Form That They Need A Phrase To Get Into)

The powers are infused into the user’s DNA. They CAN’T be taken away. The only way the powers can be removed is if you die.

Both Guardians have their power source from their respective Solar System titles, and the biggest bulk of their power is with two stones sealing their largest abilities. The Solar Stone and the Lunar Stone.

It didn’t start out that way though. Before then, the powers were always passed down to generations. (It’s kinda like the Avatar) That is until five hundred years ago, when the Sun Guardian was a god-like woman named Soleil.

Soleil was an egotistical power hungry tyrant. To put it nicely.

Her mindset is “I’m the Sun Guardian. My power source created life. I should rule it. And I’m more powerful than anyone else.”

So she experimented with and abused her powers to take a throne and rule over the entire Solar System as a dictator. To the point where her claim of being the most powerful had more than enough proof to back it up.

She realized that the Sun Guardian’s powers indeed could protect life and be a beauty to it, but it could also bring forth great destruction and danger, striking fear among mortals for their very lives.

The Moon Guardian at the time, Chan, had to take out Soliel to save the Solar System from her reign. So she found a solution to seal the bulk of her powers in the Solar Stone, at the expense of the bulk of their own power with the Lunar Stone, and killing Soliel.

This ended the Sun Guardian cycle, as the powers were encased in a blood gem that used to be Soliel’s.

From generations onward, the Moon Guardian watched over the Solar System and took up the mantle. A permanent belief that Sun Guardians were dangerous and it was a blessing they went extinct.

With the Lunar Stone still kept, its power turned the Moon Guardian powers from one user into a society filled with people with the Moon Guardian’s powers. They formed a kingdom on the moon of Earth and generations onward, ruled over some island in the ocean on Earth.

So basically because of generational trauma, they became the same dictators that Soleil was. Just with less of the system in their rule.

This leads to the beginning of the story, with the current ruler of the Moon Empire, Empress Cynthia MidKnight.

She has five children, four boys and one girl, all who represent the phases of the moon. Dekkai, the Gibbous, Twins Kurai and Akarui, the First And Last Quarter, Maria, the New Moon, and Sliver, the Crescent. (More on the last one later) Their ages are oldest to youngest in that order, and they’re ALL Moon Guardians.

Cynthia, overly ambitious, wants to expand the Moon Empire on more of Planet Earth, believing the Solar Stone would help make that possible.

The plan was to be completely careful with the blood gem and use it to find the Solar Stone. Careful so the gem doesn’t get out of their hands, injects into someone’s body and turns them into a Sun Guardian.

Yeah guess what happens.

Sliver, by accident from trying to shoo away one of the kingdoms resident monsters, the Nightmares (The MOTWs, lifeless matter that feeds off of people’s nightmares and warps them into reality), LOSES THE BLOOD GEM, WHICH GOES TO EARTH.

And he has to go to one of the Moon Kingdom’s ruled over islands to find it. Astrokyo.

Astrokyo is an island that was founded by immigrants that got lost at sea. Asian immigrants, American immigrants, South American immigrants, and so on if a country has pacific beaches. It’s a small country, but still a country with thirteen states, the capital Celestial, and twelve other states named after the zodiacs. Their whole business revolves around astrology instead of wars and politics. As it is all ruled by the Moon Empire’s dictatorship in overworking people, and the island’s earth founder, the Carlin family. Basically, everyone there is raised to be a factory worker. Just choose what kind of factory you want to work at.

Basically, on a field trip to the Planetarium, a teenage girl gets with the blood gem and becomes the new Sun Guardian.

Sliver decides NOT to kill her, despite the order to, and he’s banished from the Moon Empire. Giving him a pretty easy excuse to switch sides. When the girl, under a failed heist, causes a Nightmare to comatose a ton of people under a curse, he decides to save her from the cops and become her vigilante partner. He’s pretty bad at his job as a Moon Guardian, but as the one born with the powers, he still knows more than her, and thus has to train her. And act like he knows what he’s doing even though he does NOT.

Both of them need to train her to understand her powers a lot better so they can find the Solar Stone. She needs to find it so she can lift the curse and save those comatosed people (one of them being her best friend). He needs to find it so he can be allowed back home.

They introduce themselves to each other as GoldenStar and Crescent Knight.

As Astrokyo’s new Vigilantes, the duo only has each other to conform to as they both protect the island from the Nightmares the Moon Empire are sending to capture GoldenStar.

The Nightmares (The MOTWs) are matter from the moon that go to earth to feed off of people’s nightmares and turn them into reality by morphing into it. If left not dealt with, these things will only grow and evolve into a more lethal threat and unleash curses that comatose humans for feeding. And without the Solar Stone, nothing can wake them up.

For years, the Moon Guardians have dealt with these by luring them into the ocean and away from the people. But they CAN’T destroy them entirely.

Only the Sun Guardian has the ability to completely destroy a Nightmare.

Oh, and one more thing… they have NO IDEA who each other are behind the mask.

So it’s a bit of a Miraculous setup. Both with that and with their relationship.

Basically:

As civilians, he has a crush on her, but he’s shy about it and she’s too focused on her own ambitions to notice.

As superheroes, she develops a crush on him, but he’s raised to be closed off from that sort of thing.

As civilians, she’s quick to stand up and speak her mind and is competent at what she does, while he’s a doormat when it comes to peers and family.

As superheroes, she’s a newbie with absolutely no idea what she’s doing and becomes a klutz, while he is the experienced knight willing to help.

And they don’t know who each other are behind the mask. GoldenStar refuses to reveal it because she’s wanted by the police, and like it or not he’s a Moon Guardian and therefore part of the people that want her dead. Crescent Knight refuses because revealing himself would be throwing away his chance at going home to his totally supportive and not at all abusive family.

Now about the two leads:

Akari Hoshina (Ah-car-ee Hoh-she-nah) AKA GoldenStar

Akari was NEVER meant to have superpowers of any kind. She was just a regular teenage girl in Astrokyo with her own goals for her life in mind.

Akari gets the short end of the stick when it comes to Astrokyo’s ruling methods. She lives with a single mother, Kumiko, who was only a teen abandoned when she had Akari, and they’re both on the poor side. They only live in a tiny townhouse in Harvestburg (The Virgo State), and her mom has to work two jobs and doesn’t have time for anything but harsh labor to keep them afloat with enough food and cash for bills.

Akari doesn’t favor any better than her mom, as she is, for lack of a better word, an outcast.

She only cares about a select few people in her life, her mother, who she loves very much, and her best friend Brittany Tai, a sheltered asthma kid whose been Akari’s friend since kindergarten.

Other than those two, no one likes Akari. Her teen peers all consider her an unpleasant annoying weirdo and only interact with her to make her snap for the laughs. This is especially the case for a cat caller, Gari Carlin, who is very popular. Akari isn’t fond of immature teen behavior, a hypocrite when she’s one herself, as she’s someone who prefers to get her own personal work done. But because if this not even the adults have high hopes for her future and discourage a lot of things that define Akari’s identity. Basically, intended well or ill, everyone’s taking shots.

But whenever Akari tries to stand up for herself on things that make her uncomfortable, people twist the logic into it being Akari as the bad guy and Akari as the bully character of the school.

The truth is that she doesn’t have ill intent. She’s just a teenager with heavy mood swings in a very uncomfortable educational and peer environment and no one even tries to help or understand her.

It’s because of this that Akari comes off as someone with a pretty big temper problem. She’s very quick to annoy and anger, and does not hold back at snapping and speaking her mind. When she thinks something is wrong, she will say it. She doesn’t care about consequences, at least at the start, because it’s mostly detention or a lecture or affecting only her. She’s someone who gets stressed so easily that you’d often find her outside, probably on a beach, throwing a tantrum as a way to calm herself down in a way where no one gets hurt.

But no one put in the effort to help with her issues, so Akari makes her own call to not get close with anyone besides her mom and her best friend. She doesn’t need anyone else. She has her people she cares about. That’s all she’s looking out for.

So Akari is a hot head and is selfish minded. But she’s not all bad. She is very protective of the people she let in and is willing to take hits for them. She stands up to whatever she thinks is wrong and impulsively helps others who need it. She’s not afraid to jump in and tell a rude person off. And while it’s hard to see in a high stress environment, she’s quite caring and kind when she’s allowed to be.

She has her own little quirks like playing with arm bands calming her down, pacing around everywhere, and being more creatively smart rather than booksmart. She’s only booksmart when it comes to astrology, the only school subject she puts any effort in. She’s also a creative, being a writer, a sketcher, and a music gal. It’ll be rare to see her without her headphones on.

Shes also, deep down, quite insecure. She considers herself a failure of a person all the time. She’s extremely hard on herself. She feels it when she screws up (in her mind). Shes scared she’s gonna hurt people.

Akari is done with her poor life and her mother having to do everything to provide for the two of them. She’s ready, at sixteen, to make a life for herself and take up a role as well to provide for them. She would work at the Planetarium, study astrology in college, and take up a side job of publishing her comics, a story of hers and Bri’s as ‘GoldenStar’. A super heroine who saves people in the name of starlight.

So she works for that and ditches everything else. So she has pretty awful grades. She is NOT dumb. She’s just choosing not to be by the book smart.

So that’s more or less what Akari’s life looked like before the incident. An oddball outcast who’d walk the streets listening to music and jamming out while everyone else was studying.

That is until a school field trip to the planetarium. Akari has plans to do a job interview there to pursue her passions. It would help her dreams, Bri’s dreams, and providing her mom with some peace. She wouldn’t be a burden to them anymore and she’d be working as well.

But she gets denied the job because she puts no effort in school and everyone views her as an annoying nasty teenager.

Plagued with insecurity that she’s a failure and s burden, Akari ditches the rest of the class to go outside and have a tantrum. Seems usual for her.

That is until a Nightmare finds her and tries to attack her. It chases her into a lab that’s hoarding the blood gem in a glass container.

Not thinking straight, Akari smashes the glass at the Nightmare out of self defense, releasing the blood gem and injecting it into her. Near instantly giving her the Sun Guardian’s powers and destroying the Nightmare.

And she is TERRIFIED at the transformation. She has no idea what this is or what happened. And her immediate instinct is to run away and try to snap herself out of her ‘dream’. It doesn’t work.

That’s when someone that goes by Crescent Knight finds her in her panicking state and is constantly asking questions. He gets the answers that she doesn’t want the power, which confuses him. And he makes the choice to not kill her, as she’s an innocent teenager who got caught in his mistake.

She runs away from him and manages to transform back, but finds that she still has those powers in her and is causing plenty of side effects to her body. Her hair is a more gold color, she’s a bit taller, she has actual meat and muscle on her bones, her body temperature is a lot hotter than average but without any sickly side effects, she’s hungrier than usual, and her body is sparking up actual flames whenever she’s overwhelmed. And the flames don’t hurt her.

Magic puberty sucks.

She tells Bri everything, and they run some tests on what her powers are, and conclude that she does indeed have superpowers. Bri’s first idea is to be a hero, and Akari’s first idea is “How do I get rid of them?”

This wasn’t her plan on what to do with her life. She doesn’t want it. She can’t even go home like this cause she could burn the house down. (She has very little control of her abilities, she just got them)

So ignoring her friends pleads, Akari plans to use her transformation to go on a heist for answers on how to remove her powers. Which she is doing illegally.

It goes horribly. Everyone deems her a criminal and monster, and another Nightmare gets loose but she does nothing and chooses her own selfish want at the moment.

The Nightmare ends up comatosing a ton on people. Including Bri, who tried to stop Akari.

It’s upon that realization that she screwed over her own friend with her selfishness that when the cops show up to arrest her, she accepts the arrest.

But she doesn’t go to jail because Crescent Knight shows up to offer her another choice: Go with him, become a vigilante with him, and find the Solar Stone to cure everyone (and Bri) as a redemption.

She takes it.

After they destroy the Nightmare, both of them are deemed menaces to Astrokyo. And until she gets a decent control at her powers, she can’t go home. Crescent Knight is the only person she has that’s willing to help her. And to honor the book she and her friend made, she calls herself GoldenStar.

From there the two stick together and try to train GoldenStar to understand her powers, and take care of whatever Nightmares come in the country. Which they soon realize the Moon Empire is sending them to capture GoldenStar.

GoldenStar is completely inexperienced with this new role. There’s no ‘instantly good’ BS. She’s a total klutz at her powers, doesn’t understand them, and has to work for the experience and competence. REALLY work.

But she keeps pushing to work for it and become the ideal make believe book GoldenStar to not only save those people, but redeem herself and make Bri proud.

Make believe GoldenStar is who you think she is. Perfect, good at everything right away, complete and utter wish fulfillment.

Real GoldenStar is NONE of those things.

(BTW, those arm bands are not part of her transformation or her powers. They’re add ons she makes a bit later to control her fire so she’s not bursting in flames in public all the time. It’s helped so she can actually use her light and fire powers in a controlled hand blast)

Oh, and she develops a crush on her new vigilante partner. The ONE person that doesn’t outcast her, is patient with her, and is emotionally supportive. She loves him as a person, both platonic and romantic, and sees him as this all competent and brave knight.

As angry as she can get, she knows he’s a safe person. And lashing anger out on him is like kicking a puppy. Just the thought feels wrong.

Yuki Haruhiko (You-key Ha-roo-he-koh) AKA Sliver MidKnight AKA Crescent Knight

Sliver is the youngest of the Moon Empire royalty lineup. He represents the Crescent phase of the moon.

And by ‘child of Empress Cynthia’ I don’t mean biologically. The Moon Empire citizens were born on Earth as humans and then extracted to the moon and given their powers in name of the queen. This is especially true for orphans. Yuki Haruhiko is no different.

While Yuki is his birth name and real name, the Moon Empire calls him Sliver.

As in, a SLIVER of worth. Cause he is a worthless failure.

The Moon Empire runs with an iron fist. Everyone’s a factory worker with no room for outside creative traits. Your worth is based completely off of your book knowledge, and your abilities as a Moon Guardian. They’re raised only to be the best of the best. They’re also raised to be emotionally resilient and not fall victim to petty things like connection.

It’s because of this that Yuki is at the bottom class in terms of worth. His job on the Moon Empire is to dispose of stray Nightmares on the moon and other litter.

Yep. He’s a garbage boy.

He does know how to fight as a knight, like the others. After all, he was injected with Moon Guardian powers as a baby, so he had his entire life to train. But he’s considered one of the worst at it.

In actuality, he’s okay at it and can handle himself. But by Empress Cynthia’s impossible prodigy standards, he’s behind and a failure.

By the royal family, he’s known as the worthless clumsy idiot who always screws up.

The only one who doesn’t think that and is kind to him, is his only sister, Maria. But even then that kindness is pretty surface level because of how they’re raised.

His older brothers, all three of them, love to bully him and/or ignore whatever he has to say. And his ‘mother’ is a demanding strict uncaring figurehead who is impossible to impress.

These moon people also on occasion to to Earth in disguises to watch over the people so they don’t step out of line. They’re often in their human forms here so people have a sense of insecurity if someone from the Moon Empire is watching them or not.

Yuki is one of these people and thus has a life and identity in Astrokyo. As an orphan teenager who is considered a complete doormat.

He’s a shy nerd boy who looks to have no value physically. He’s one of the most booksmart people in school, and people take advantage of that. Especially Gari Carlin. His ‘friend’ who actually just uses him as a lackey and for homework. But Yuki doesn’t ever stand up for himself, as he has no confidence to do that.

In this civilian identity, he’s wildly incompetent at a lot of the things he does if it’s not studying. As he’s someone who very often runs late to school, gets used as a punching bag half the time, and due to his Moon Guardian status, can’t be fully honest with his upbringing.

He’s someone who thinks very little of himself as a result. That everyone is right and he’s just destined to be a failure.

But getting to know him, he’s actually very level headed and kind. He’s sweet and understanding, and wants to be supportive towards others as much as he can.

There’s also the matter of a certain girl in his class, Akari Hoshina. She’s an outcast, no one likes her, and Gari loves to cat call her. But Yuki actually has a genuine crush on her.

He sees her is a feisty headstrong girl who isn’t afraid to be who she is, has no worry about it, and he finds her passionate creative self to be intriguing and admirable instead of something to look down upon. She also impulsively helps him out from time to time, even if she doesn’t attempt a friendship with him.

But he doesn’t like to be very open about his crush because “Ew, that one?! You can do so much better!” And he’d get bullied harder.

And all of this gets a lot worse when Cynthia makes the choice to use the Blood Gem to find the Solar Stone, which she hands to Dekkai. All Sliver’s job was is to get a pod set up for Earth.

But a loose Nightmare he didn’t have time to clean up messed with the pod, and the Blood Gem gets loose on Astrokyo. Sliver goes after it to try and find it.

Unfortunately, he’s too late, as it injects into someone (Akari) and turns them into the Sun Guardian. (He didn’t see who it injected into)

His next order is to kill the girl.

But… he can’t do it. Not after realizing this user isn’t a danger, and is just a scared teen girl.

So he spares her and tries to plead his case to Cynthia on a different plan. To use the girl to find the Solar Stone.

It goes as well as you think it would, as he’s banished and left for dead by a Nightmare in Astrokyo. And even when he survived, he’s homeless.

This punishment gives him the easiest excuse in the world to switch sides.

He finds GoldenStar and offers her a way out of prison by becoming vigilante partners. GoldenStar accepts the role, and he’s left to be her trainer.

He has absolutely no idea what he’s getting into. To him, this is just a victim of his mistake and an impulsive anxious girl who needs serious help. But he chooses to help her anyway because he has nowhere else to go, and he’s that kind.

Despite being raised to believe Sun Guardians are dangerous, he’s able to look past that and realize GoldenStar is someone who wants to be a good person.

And for the first time ever, he’s seen by somebody as a very competent warrior. But that’s totally fake, he’s not good at anything, right? So long as he keeps that ‘act’ up, she has some hope.

Unfortunately this also causes a rift with him and his family, who have no problem sending out Nightmares after them to get GoldenStar. Except for Maria who doesn’t want to hurt Crescent Knight specifically.

These two only have each other and are trying to craft their lives despite so much telling them to be something specific. Life is a lot more than surface level and both have to learn that. Until then, they’re both the unlikely superheroes of Astrokyo fending off Nightmares.

(If you want some origin context, GoldenStar was a character I made in middle school as a fan of the magical girl genre. Originally, there was no Crescent Knight, and it was an all girl team with GoldenStar as the sole main character. This is crazy to think about considering how important Yuki ends up being.)

(Her character went through MULTIPLE rewrites over the years. As I got better at writing. The part of her character now, where she had a book version of GoldenStar that was perfect and ideal? Yeah that was inspired by my first drafts of her character. She was a girl over obsessed with stars, Soleil was a good figure who inspired her, and got her powers through a necklace instead of gruesome DNA. Obviously this was before I myself hit puberty. She was a Mary Sue basically. And I realized it SUCKED.)

(So the character went through a LOT of rewrites as I got older and became more based off of my own experiences as a teenager, and maybe my young adult struggles?? Idk. It’s very brutally honest because I was a pretty annoying person as a teenager and everyone hated me for it. Rightfully.)

(So because writing a perfect character was boring and uninspired. Hollywood proved that many times when it comes to women. I instead chose to write this character with just enough flaws that it’s noticeable for any viewer. And then have the story and MOTW format be about lessons of growing up and struggles with hard work and living life to the fullest, that she feels very HUMAN.)

(She SUCKS with her powers at first. She desperately needs help. It’s a brutal working process to get good at being a superhero. But Crescent Knight is there to help her every step of the way. She never becomes her perfect book self insert, but she works towards being someone who can do the job. As someone who wants to protect these people and be a hero and be content with the life she’s been given. Even if it’s not the one she wants. Magic puberty sucks. Her actions have consequences. She has issues she needs to work on. She works towards being a good version of herself.)

(And Crescent Knight came along later as a figure who helped her out. And later I decided to just make them friends to lovers. Trust me, around early stages he had a lot less to do.)

(I grew up with a lot of magical girl stories. And was obsessed with them and inspired by them. I would make several magical girl designs and concepts of my own. Even after years later where it’s kinda died, again most of that has to do with how Hollywood is treated female characters, I wanted to make my own magical girl story that was pretty nostalgic to the 1990s/2000s tropes of the genre. It’s not designed to be a perfect story, just one that revives a strong connection to my own preteen and teen years, and a coming age story that has a lot of inspiration of my own time as a teen.)

[clangenrising]

Month 17 - Greenleaf

Floating on adrenaline, Fogpaw trailed home after Floodstrike and Sparrowsway after a rousing bout of battle practice. She and Slatepaw had been thrilled at the opportunity to train with them, although Fogpaw wasn’t sure that they were excited for the same reason. Slatepaw had been acting strangely the whole time - staring distractedly, blushing and stuttering. Even now, she was sighing in a way that was distracting Fogpaw from the pleasant high she was trying to ride. 

“Thanks again for taking us out,” Slatepaw purred, hitching her step to catch up to the warriors. “I feel like I learn so much when we practice together.” 

Fogpaw, unsure why Slatepaw was acting that way, tried to keep up with the conversation regardless. “Yeah, you’re a really good teacher, Floodstrike!” Slatepaw glanced sideways at her with what seemed like a pout, if Fogpaw was reading it right, for what reason she had no idea.

“Hey, it was no problem,” Floodstrike said, grabbing her attention by flicking his tail at her nose. “You guys are really good students.”

“I bet you’ll have your warrior names in no time,” Sparrowsway added and Slatepaw grinned widely.

“You really think so?” 

He winced a bit and amended, “Well, I mean, you’ll have to wait until you’re twelve moons old, but I’m sure the time will fly.”  

“Oh, right,” Slatepaw blushed and looked at her paws. 

Fogpaw bumped shoulders with her and said, “I’m sure we’ll get them early. We just gotta do something big and brave!” 

“Yeah, good luck with that,” laughed Floodstrike. “I tried for moons to get mine and I still had to wait.” 

“And yet,” Sparrowsway said, trying to sound optimistic, “it still feels like no time has passed since we were apprenticed. You’ll blink and it’ll be your naming ceremony, just watch.” 

“I hope so,” Slatepaw sighed in that strange way again. Fogpaw shot her a weirded out glance but she was too busy looking at Sparrowsway to notice. She frowned. It was weird not to know what Slatepaw was thinking. 

They returned to camp as the morning was starting to fade into day. Songdust was sharing tongues with Russetfrond on top of the warriors’ den as Lakekit wrestled with Bluekit and Yellowkit in the grass nearby. Fogpaw noticed Goldenstar sitting with Scorchplume in the entrance to her den, talking softly. 

As they approached, Floodstrike called out, “Hey there, Kiddo! How’re ya doin?” 

Lakekit looked up and said, “Flood-Bud! I’m- ACK!” In her distraction, the kittens pounced, driving their needle teeth into her ear and leg respectively. She toppled underneath them and they laughed uproariously. Fogpaw smiled and watched as Floodstrike hurried over to rescue Lakekit from the vicious anklebiters. Sparrowsway gave them a nod goodbye and headed off to where Barleybee was picking through the fresh-kill pile but Fogpaw barely noticed, too busy chuckling at the way that Lakekit mimicked the defensive stance Floodstrike was demonstrating. 

Then Slatepaw sighed again, pulling her out of it. 

“Isn’t he so dreamy?” she said, staring after Sparrowsway. Fogpaw raised a brow and followed her gaze. 

“Dreamy?” she asked, not understanding what under the stars her sister meant. 

“Yeah,” Slatepaw grinned, leaning against her. “Like a cat from a story.” 

“He looks like a normal cat to me,” Fogpaw said, very confused. 

“I think I’m in love,” Slatepaw sighed again for emphasis. Fogpaw wrinkled her nose at that. 

“What, with him?” she asked. 

“Yes, with him,” huffed Slatepaw, puffing up as she turned to scowl at Fogpaw. “Don’t act like it’s ridiculous.” 

“I didn’t say that,” Fogpaw frowned. “I just don’t get it. He’s just… a guy.” 

“Well, maybe he’s just not your type,” preened Slatepaw. “You like Floodstrike a lot, don’t you think he’s dreamy?” 

“Ew, what?” Fogpaw was sure her face was comical in its disgust. “No way!” 

“Okay then, what about Barleybee? Or even Fishtrick or Boldmoth?” tried Slatepaw. “Maybe you just like girls.” 

“You’re crazy,” Fogpaw shook her head. “These are all just cats, none of them are dreamy. What are you even talking about?” 

“You’re the one who’s crazy,” Slatepaw pouted. Fogpaw managed to realize that she had been really hurt. “It’s like you don’t even have eyes.” 

“Whatever,” Fogpaw shook her whole body to get rid of the feeling of isolation that was settling into her fur. “Have fun with your dumb dreams or whatever.” She stomped off, guilt writhing in her belly from the expression she knew Slatepaw was shooting after her. She quickly realized that she didn’t know where she was going and decided to pivot towards where Scorchplume was talking with Goldenstar. 

She couldn’t stop thinking about Slatepaw though. Did her sister really believe that crowfood? Was this like with the effigy where she was the only one who didn’t understand? She felt sick to her stomach at the thought. She hoped Scorchplume would be able to make it all make sense. She always knew what the truth was and how to explain it. 

“-working with him,” Goldenstar was saying in a hushed tone. “He seems like he’s really trying, even if it’s hard for him. I think we shouldn’t take that for granted. Besides, Jagg is a quick study and she’s even been coming up with ideas for other ways he can help us.” 

“He’s not to be trusted,” Scorchplume hissed quietly. “I know him better than most and he’s a coward when it comes down to it. When you need him most, he’ll buckle.” Fogpaw slowed her steps to eavesdrop a bit before she made her presence known. 

“I know he’s hurt you in the past,” said Goldenstar gently, “but I think we should judge him based on what he’s doing now just as much, if not more than what he’s done.”

“Do what you want,” Scorchplume said in the tone of voice that meant she was angry but pretending not to be, “but mark my words: Ghost will betray your trust.” With that, Scorchplume got up and started heading off. 

“Scorch-” Goldenstar said, her voice catching in her throat with frustration. 

Fogpaw hesitated for a moment, then bounded quickly after her mentor. “Were you talking about my dad just now?”

Scorchplume bristled and pursed her lips as she turned to face Fogpaw. “That was a private conversation,” she said instead of answering. 

“Then you should have had it in private,” Fogpaw rolled her eyes. “Were you talking about my dad?” 

Scorch sighed in defeat. “I guess you’ve got me there.” She paused for a moment, still padding off towards the open fields. “Yes, we were.” 

“What did you mean when you said you knew him better than most?” Fogpaw pressed, keeping pace. 

Scorch huffed. “I need to stop teaching you to be so curious.” 

“Scorchplume, please,” she pleaded. 

“Fine,” said Scorchplume, tail twitching. “I used to be very close with your father. He wanted to be my mate for a while.” 

“Wait, really?” asked Fogpaw. “Did you want to be his mate too?” She couldn’t picture them together at all. She had trouble picturing things in general, but that was specifically hard to imagine. 

“No,” Scorch said in her teaching voice, “but I let him think I did.” 

“Why would you do that?” Fogpaw frowned. 

“Because he had something I wanted,” purred Scorchplume. “He could give me safety and power so I gave him what he wanted, which was thinking that I liked him back.” 

“Right,” Fogpaw hummed, sorting the thought into everything she knew about power and manipulation. “Why was that what he wanted though?” Slatepaw’s sighing was worming its way back to the front of her mind. 

“Because he’s a tom,” scoffed Scorchplume with a dismissive swish of her tail. Fogpaw’s face scrunched in confusion. When Scorchplume glanced back and spotted the expression, she sighed tiredly and said, “he wanted to have sex with me and to feel like he was desirable.” 

“And only toms want that?” Fogpaw frowned. 

“No,” Scorch sighed again. “Lots of she-cats want those things too. Toms just tend to fixate on them.” 

“Why?” 

“Because…” Scorchplume faltered, stopping as the crested the first hill outside of camp. She looked up at the sky as if she were searching for words. “Because they’re inclined to want those things. It’s just the way they’re built.” 

Fogpaw’s ears drooped at that but she nodded. “Okay.” After a moment, she added, “But so… You didn’t want to be his mate but you were anyway?” 

Scorchplume swallowed thickly. “No. I let him court me but it never went further than that.” 

“But so you let him court you even though you didn’t like him?” This was all so confusing. 

“Yes. Because doing so kept me safe.” Scorchplume’s voice was tense for some reason that was also confusing to Fogpaw. 

“That doesn’t seem…” Fogpaw searched for a word and only came away with, “healthy.” 

Scorch huffed a bitter laugh. “What was I supposed to do, not be safe?” 

“Well, couldn’t you have just asked him to keep you safe?” Fogpaw said. “Or found something else he wanted?” 

“No,” Scorch said firmly. “He wouldn’t have been persuaded by anything else I was able to give him.” 

“But that’s…” Fogpaw’s stomach was squirming uncomfortably. “Pantherhaze told us that when it comes to that kind of thing, wanting it is the most important part. If you didn’t like it you shouldn’t have pretended you did, you should have told him no.” 

Scorch looked at her and she couldn’t help but feel like Scorch was mad and she didn’t know why. Her mentor’s gaze was cold and distant, like the closeness between them had been withdrawn. She didn’t know what she had done to ruin it and it was terrifying. 

“And you should,” Scorchplume said, her voice strained. “Not everything I do is perfect.” There was bite on the end of the sentence that made Fogpaw’s ears wilt. 

“What did I do?” she asked. “Why are you mad at me?” 

Scorchplume closed her eyes and let out a slow breath through her nose. “I’m not mad at you, Fogpaw.” That only made her more frustrated. Why couldn’t she get it right?! 

Scorch continued, “I’m… The way things should be isn’t always the way they are. I’m glad you have the safety to speak your mind but I haven’t always had that. Speechcraft isn’t just something I enjoy learning, it was something I picked up because if I didn’t I would die. It was the same with Ghost. If I wanted to live I had to let him court me.” 

“Why though?” Fogpaw asked, ears pressed against her head. “Why wouldn’t he have helped you if you’d asked?” 

“Because,” Scorch said. “Because the world isn’t fair. Because he wanted something I had. Because he’s a selfish coward.” Her tail bristled as she spoke. The words sounded like she wanted to sink her teeth into them as they left her mouth. Fogpaw pursed her lips together. 

“I hate that,” she said. “I hate that he hurt you.” 

Scorchplume swallowed. There was silence. 

Fogpaw was starting to fume. How dare he hurt so many people who mattered to her? Tears starting to form in her eyes, she stepped forward and pressed her face into Scorchplume’s fur. The older cat stood still for a beat before carefully wrapping her tail over Fogpaw’s back. Fogpaw leaned into her and sniffled, claws kneading the earth. 

“I wish I could fix it,” she said into Scorch’s fur. “I’m not strong enough to fix it.” 

“No one is,” Scorchplume said hoarsely. “Everyone is hurting all the time and no one can fix it.” Fogpaw didn’t believe that - couldn’t believe that. She shook her head. 

“It’s alright,” Scorchplume soothed. “Don’t cry over me. I’m alright. You know I’m alright.” 

“Mhm,” said Fogpaw but she wasn’t sure that was true. After a few more long moments of taking solace in the darkness of her mentor’s fur, she sniffed loudly and pulled back to look up at Scorchplume’s face. Her mentor looked down at her with a smile that felt wrong, like her muscles hadn’t got the message that she was sad. 

Fogpaw cleared her throat and said, “I want to meet him.” 

“Oh, Fogpaw,” Scorchplume frowned, looking more like herself, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Why not?” Fogpaw furrowed her brow.

“Because,” said Scorchplume, “you can’t trust him.”

“Okay, so I won’t,” said Fogpaw. “I want to meet him though. I want to tell him how I feel.” 

“What will that accomplish?” Scorchplume asked, twitching her tail. “What will you gain?” 

“I’ll feel better,” Fogpaw said. “And maybe once he hears it, he’ll understand he has to change.” 

Scorchplume scoffed. “That’s not possible, dear. Cats like him don’t change.” 

“Nuh-uh,” Fogpaw shook her head. “My mama said that talking things through is the best way to change a situation. Maybe you’ve just never tried talking to cats like him.” 

“I haven’t had the luxury,” Scorchplume said sharply. 

“But I do,” said Fogpaw, standing her ground. “Maybe you can’t do it but I can. I want to do it.” 

Scorchplume took a deep breath, studying her, and eventually sighed, “Alright, fine. But I’ll be there with you.” 

“Alright,” Fogpaw nodded. “I’m okay with that.” Scorchplume sighed again. 

They went hunting after that, a lazy trip that didn’t bring back much prey, but Fogpaw was happy they did. By the time they got back to camp, Scorchplume didn’t seem so grumpy and that made her feel a lot better. She thought over the things she wanted to say to Ghost as she groomed herself and headed to bed, rehearsing different approaches and wondering how he would react to them. Her anger didn’t go away but it settled, at least for the moment, content to lie in waiting. 

She sat with it until she fell asleep, brought solace by its company.

[your-pal-nebula]

You can call me Nebula, Abel, Silver, Cori, Adaluza, Royal Dandy, Chazz, Razzle Dazzle, Glen, Velvette, Jax, Hexadecimal, or any nickname that is a spin-off of those (Nebby, Nebs, Luza, Vel, Dan, RD, Hex, ect)

Transmasc + agender + boygirl + pangenderspace

Pansexual + aroaceflux + fagdyke

He/It/Xe/She + any space themed neoprounouns

My main fandoms are WordGirl, Wings of Fire, Reboot, Hazbin Hotel, and Stardew Valley

I'm an alterhuman. Kinlist below. There's a lot. I'm simultaneously therian, fictionkin, otherlink, songkin, objectkin, and otherhearted. I'm autistic and believe this to be the source of my alterhumanity.

I'm the host quoigenic plural system. I have two brainmade alters, and everyone else is a fictive/introject, all of which are from WordGirl. Brief introductions for all of us below. If a post isn't signed, assume it was made by me. Collectively, we use vae/vear pronouns (no they/them).

-----

Alterhuman Kinlist:

Theriotypes: Eldritch Dragon, SilkWing, Wolf, Snow Leopard, Peacock, Frog, HiveWing

Kintypes: Nephilim, Buglike Alien, Cyborg, Piglin, Necrozma

Fictotypes: Silver Boxleitner (WordGirl OC), Cori Worst, (WG OC), Adaluza (Hazbin Hotel OC), Velvette (Hazbin Hotel), Royal Dandy (WordGirl), Glen Furlblam (WordGirl), Jax (TADC), Hexadecimal (Reboot)

Linktypes: NightWing (Wings of Fire), Living Doll, Shark, Razzle Dazzle (WordGirl OC), Chazz (WordGirl)

Songkins: Every song by Creature Feature

Hearttypes: Axolotls, dolphins, machines/tech in general

-----

System Members:

Necro/Salem: Brainmade, they/it/he/zhe/corpse, vampirekin, ageless, genderless, intersex, androsexual

Knife/Marisol: Brainmade, gore/fog/shx/shadow, crowhearted, darkness conceptkin, demonkin/analog horrorkin, orchidaroace lesbian, intrusive thoughts holder

Silver Boxleitner: She/Her, mouse copinglink

Cori Worst: She/Her, fox therian

Sketch: She/Her, originally my sister's OC

Tobey Mccallister: He/Him

Victoria Best: She/Her

Dr. Twobrains: He/Him

Invisi-Bill: He/It/Wolf, sparkledog, golden retriever, coyote and wolf therian, protecter, self identified guard dog

Beatrice/Lady Redundant Woman: She/Tech/Machine/Cyber

Ms. Question: She/Her

Big Left Hand Guy: He/Him/Any (yes, neoprounouns included)

-----

Fandom OCs:

WordGirl: Silver Boxleitner, Cori Worst, Marleen Everwood, Alynxai, Malakai Jackson, Comet Skyrunner, Apples and Oranges, Cat and Dog, Bella Bloodsucker, Razzle Dazzle

Hazbin Hotel: Adaluza, Plushie Guts, Midnight, Violet Vicicous

Wings of Fire: (A lot but mostly) Goldenstar, Bloodseeker, Widow, Borealis, Dreamflower

-----

DNI:

Prosh1ppers, p0rn blogs, pro/neu/comp contact harmful paraphiles, anti-therian, anti-neoprounouns, radfems/TERFs, radqueers, pro cringe culture, transandrophobia deniers, people who believe in the validity of thought crimes, anti endos/sysmeds (endo neutrals are okay!), queer exclusionists

Please do not involve us in syscourse, queer discourse, or really any sort of discourse against our will. Discoursers are welcome to interact and follow, but please do not involve us in it unless we deliberately join in.

-----

You see the gun I have in my profile? That's for Justice Cheese shippers.

-----

My mutuals, who I love and hold very close:

@holdthefuckupwhat @toonycatuwu @emberthearsonist @pennyroks77 @rootbeertime @evaiskindaweird @dreadthedecay @snickerzanddoodlez @thatgayoctopus @jamiesolas @autistic-fuckwad @the-girl-from-dres @inkangeliguess @victoriabestdefender @ratlordsarah @persistinghorrors @therianslaypotato @corvidthedragon @shepherdingthepie @v0id-clawz @nabbit-unmasked @moonlightravensblog @gabriella-sec @elzore-da-great

-----

[notwarriorswiki]

Highlights from reviewing this old art book…

How did Hollyleaf have a kit with Fallen Leaves, that guy was dead 💀 He had three dead siblings - Tumblekit, Timekit, and Aurorakit. Oh yeah his name was Leafclaw because… of course he had to be named Leaf.

Why I chose boring Stonestar over Monarchpaw looking back I don’t understand. I made a Crookedstar clone who is infinitely worse.

Snowbush and Lilyheart are together, so I guess I just didn’t think about cousins back then either. He’s called Snowflight and he’s shy at first but becomes super jaded and mean when Lilypaw leaves to become a kittypet.

Oh yeah Sorreltail didn’t die in the Great Battle??? Somehow? She got shot with a GUN????? And it traumatized Lilypaw so much that she dipped out.

Seedflare continues to be the name I use for dead Seedpaw.

Smokey and Floss kits being major characters who to this day I still remember fondly. Three girls and one of them is like the murderous villain and… reincarnation of Tigerstar? Like she doesn’t look like him at all, she’s a white cat with blue eyes - but she apparently was “born when Tigerstar died” like at the same time so she’s like… cursed to be evil???

Kinkfur’s kits? Sparrowpelt, Mistcloud, and Dewkit? Yeah those ones - major characters as well? Sparrow becomes Sparrowstar, Mistshadow is a medicine cat (which inspired the choice in my 10% left AU).

Dovewing has her kits Stonekit and Monarchkit in ThunderClan where everyone thinks they’re Bumblestripe’s, including him, but they’re actually Tigerheart’s and it’s like woah woah :0 big reveal. I don’t even ship TigerDove any more

I was so heteronormative oops

Bramblestar and Squirrelflight have kits but they’re not Alderheart and Sparkpelt… because they didn’t exist in canon yet so uh. They had Hollowkit, Bloodkit, and Acornkit. Hollowpaw died, but there’s Bloodclaw and Acornleaf. Acornleaf became a perma queen.

Thornclaw and Hazeltail kits?!?! Oh no, it’s early 2000s fandom showing itself. Ugh this is where Stonestar’s love interest is who is killed off for man trauma. Rip Skywillow. They also had her brothers Shadesky and Badgertooth. Badgertooth was jealous Shadesky had friends I guess and was an evil little shit. Incel vibes.

Foxleap and Rosepetal kits - Blazestripe, Smokestep, Saplingpool, and later Ashfire and Fuzzystripe. Uhhh Blazestripe died protecting elder Ivypool (yeah it went that far…), Smokestep was blinded in one eye and was a Brightheart apprentice (because at least I did that thank god)

Evil male RiverClan medicine cat who is in love with main villain.

Indigopelt… uhhh some random WindClan cat I have no clue where she came from.

Firestar lineage kit named Firestorm who is influenced by bad guys and has a relationship with a RiverClan cat who she kills when he rejects her and their kits…

Firestorm having a brother named Opalfang (do they know what Opals are???) who is the Jayfeather med cat apprentice and falls in love with a WindClan warrior for double issues. Uhhh he gave his one kit to Firestorm to raise alongside her own because his mate died giving birth because of course.

SnowLily kit from twoleg place named Golden who joins ThunderClan and takes over after Stonestar dies. I still remember liking her a ton genuinely.

The evil cat and her evil medicine cat mate had kits and one of them is like a ball of sunshine despite being raised to kill I guess so he joins ShadowClan. Oh another one of the kits got with Goldenstar somehow?

Oh god the Lionblaze and Cinderheart kits. Oakshade and Blizzardwind, then later Cardinalfeather and…. Rainbowsplash. I hate it here.

Oh Cardinalfeather left to join WindClan and be with his grandpa Crowfeather for some reason.

Toadstep and Blossomfall kits. Hornetsting, Cottoncloud, Fawnpelt, and Turtleshell. Turtleshell ended up being evil because she was jealous of Fawnpelt because she got with Oakshade. Ugh.

Twins named Burningpaw and Drowningsong. Burningpaw died.

[skeletalsepulchre]

@yugiohz

so i started this when i was in like, 10th grade right so if i ever were to seriously pick it back up id have to overhaul most of it because it was story wise just like a beat for beat retelling although i had to cut down the cast size by a lot since at the time the adult:student ratio was insane and then there was other shit like what had been revealed at the time etc etc anyways. most of this is in sketchbooks so bear with me for poor image quality.

here are some digital bits and bobs from my senior year flash drive: goldenstar(nana) and lionpaw(all might), hawkwing (ignore that i wrote hawktalon on there) (hawks), swiftrunner/swiftpaw (iida), and skyfeather/skypaw (uraraka). those two were me wanting to practice with more "realistic" vs more simple designs. anyway

i have a full allegiances list but i wont share that bc its five pages long. the clans were MightClan (led by Lionstar/All Might), WillClan (led by Redstar/Vlad King), HeartClan (led by Wolfstar/Best Jeanist) and IronClan (led by Darkstar/All for One). I like remade the lore system entirely to explain the names but dw abt all that. i started writing a fic thats out there somewhere

anyways. this consumed my soul forrrrr the better part of 2? 3 years? so incoming for images i guess. i went and hunted down my sketchbooks to get some quality pics and theres more than i even remember. some from earlier this year even. some of the characters ive drawn also arent in it necessarily just bc i like doing cat designs of characters. also the cat dabis look so jank because trying to figure him out was hell. it still is. one day, one day maybe ill do it

the very oldest piece of art if i recall correctly is what birthed the concept and its this picture of izuku (bravepaw) and all might (lionstar)

also it turns out i have more than tumblr will allow so eek picking and choosing um

some bravepaws over the years! The third one is the most recent, but the last one I still really like a lot, especially with having Softshadow (Inko) Lionstar and Cleartongue (Tsukauchi)

and then of course, how could we forget Bakugo, who I find surprisingly easy to draw as a cat. moreso than as a person for sure. and from there we have the most recent thing; a doodled out little conflict between him, shinsou, and monoma, who are both ex-kittypets. Monoma goes back and forth on how much trouble he gives me, for sure.

some assorted monomas, although far from all of them. the first one is the oldest, but I like it so much I try to get the same vibe...

and then we have some of the rest of the peanut gallery: Ravenpaw (Tokoyami) and dark shadow, Skypaw (Uraraka), Softshadow (Inko), Rockpaw (Kirishima), Roundmask (Fatgum), Thornpaw (Ibara) and Shimmerpaw (Hagakure) (the two below them arent bnha related), Maplepaw (Kendou), Redstar (Vlad King), some of the ladies : Nightpelt (midnight), Rabbithop (Mirko), Blossomnose (Makoto tsukauchi), Snowdapple (Fuyumi), some doodles from my hs math notes ft Shadowstep (Aizawa) and some more maplepaw, rockpaw, thistlepaw, bravepaw, redstar/weaselpaw/violetpaw (Shinsou), and Lionstar (All Might) x Cleartongue (Det. Tsukauchi)

From there, we have some Todoroki Family stuff; Flamestripe (Endeavor), Frostfall (Rei), Spottedblizzard (Natsuo), Snowdapple (Fuyumi), and Maggotflesh (Dabi) (Formerly Brightpaw). also some oc's that were meant to be the grandparents? Idk. Second page is Frostfall after retiring early to the elder's den and being cared for by Silverflower (Recovery Girl) and Streamrunner (Gran Torino)

And now, Villains! First thing is a small scene practice with the Shie Hassaikai and Eri. Bottom row is League (And some others). Toga's I still love. Shigaraki had a form of noncontagious mange, hence his hairlessness. Kurogiri.... His initial art was bad he looks way better in some of the pages up higher. Again, Dabi was a nightmare for me.

Shigaraki's name was Icepaw; he's still an apprentice despite being way too old, since AFO is his mentor and holding back on making him a full grown warrior. Toga's warrior name would be Fuzzclaw.

Instead of Nomu, their gimmick was that Darkstar knew how to talk to dogs.

And for fun, Ojiro and Shoji, who didn't actually feature in the story but I liked to draw:

maybe ill let people request characters to draw as cats again, i always have fun designing them

every time i start verging on a psychiatric breakdown i start getting the urge to draw bnha cats again. anyway does anyone want to hear about my old bnha warriors au. ihave pitchrs

[welove-imyoona]

📷 Weibo: Sy__Jessica 📷

‘’Sentiram minha falta? 😚‘‘

[finnssketchbook]

Following the official #inktober prompt for day 8 - Star. I would have liked to work on it some more instead of having it so plain and straightforward, but I am pleased with it in the end. #art #artistoninstagram #inktober2018 #inktober2018day8 #inktober2018star #inktober2018day8star #star #girl #longhair #blackhair #whitestar #goldenstar #goldhalo #whitedress #blueeyes #bluepencil #inkdrawing #inkbrush #ink #kuretakebimoji #kuretakegold #pigmasensei #fabercastell #ig_bucharest #ig_europe #ig_drawing #ig_romania #ig_illustration #ig_inktober #ig_ink https://www.instagram.com/p/Bos_a3elI-w/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hrkeq1y64yx6

[fallenclan]

What dead/missing characters you miss the most?

while I'm tempted to go for the easy answers of a character like Crowflame, Goldenstar, etc, I feel like, although i do miss them, their stories were long and had a somewhat satisfying conclusion, so I think my answer is actually going to be Mistyfish.

WEIRD CHOICE I KNOW. but i really really loved her, and never got to do anything with her story :( she's my sweet tragic girl

[otitasone]

JESSICA | INSTAGRAM

[glittlerandchemicalx]

[snsdconfessions]

I just wish that the entire SONE fandom would be ONE - united and strong. I want us all to support SNSD not just as a group, but as individuals as well. No matter who your bias is, hating on any of the members because they're better/worse is not gonna help anyone.

[destinygoldenstar]

TEN. THOUSAND. VIEWS.

On TDDRI. Ten thousand. And Chapter 5 isn’t even out yet.

Guys… I…

I’m speechless. Idk what to say.

Something I wrote is now in the realm of being popular?!

I…

I can’t even type. Wow. You guys have butchered my ability to write and now I am unable to continue TDDRI.

(That was a joke)

This is a HUGE New Years Present for me.

I’ve been writing since I was six. My work was shit. As you’d imagine for a six year old.

But I loved doing it so I kept doing it. It was where my child imagination lied. I wrote a ton of knock offs. I would have journals and write fictional characters instead of diaries of myself. I would draw characters of a narrative.

Now I study creative writing. For a hobby. I was an A+ student in my class. I had a book released when I was 11. I was a runner up in a city contest and was interviewed by the mayor of where I lived. At 13. I’m writing whenever I have free time. I’m writing analytics on social media. I didn’t even have an account in high school. I’m giving writing advice to people on the internet. Writing is basically my life at this point.

So you’d think that I would be someone well known for writing, right?

No.

There’s a lot that don’t know or care that I exist.

Because, I have a fear of what people think of me.

I’m constantly worrying that I say the slightest things wrong, and then I become a cancelled figure. Loathed for a mistake. For the rest of my life. Where everyone constantly harasses you that you’re some evil person and the world is better without you.

Because of that I’ve been incredibly phobic with showing people my writing. I would write, but I would never show it to anyone unless I was forced to. Even after getting praised like the examples I gave of ‘achievements’. I felt like shit for even getting them in the first place. Like deep down, I was some hack who didn’t deserve it.

And it goes FAR beyond a basic phobia.

I do feel comfortable to at least share it now. Cause I would never three years ago. Believe me, don’t, it’s fine by me. You don’t have to believe anyone online.

I was in the fifth grade. I was freshly moved out of my state that I grew up in before that, the world I loved to live in so much. Gone. And I was forced and expected by my peers to accept the changes and ‘get used to it’. So I lied. When I didn’t lie, people got upset. They would try to hide how I felt.

I didn’t learn I had Asperger’s syndrome until I was 13, so this was before that. But my parents knew. Didn’t tell me till I was a teen. I was definitely ‘the weird kid’ for it. They played rough and ran with soccer balls. I played in the fields running around imaging I was a bunny. Kids my age told me to stop it.

Sure, I was at least known, as that same year I was elected out of the entire school to be the soloist of the end of the year concert. But everyone told me I didnt deserve it. Shy, timid, anxious me who jumped at anything.

I only ever became confident whenever I was in my little writing corner. Which, at first, was just another ‘weird’ thing.

Hell, my blog username, ‘GoldenStar’ is literally the name of my self insert character. Fun fact.

But I had a friend group.

And that friend group was the main culprit of bullying.

It was two girls. One of them was really sarcastic and hard to read, and a compulsive liar. The other was the one who invited me to be a friend, and a focus on this story.

She took advantage of me since the beginning. Both of them did cause they both stole my stuff and passed it off as ‘friend lending a friend’. She saw a naive innocent overly sweet and kind girl who would freak out and believe and scream at anything.

Because I am exactly that. I am EXACTLY that.

Constantly lied to me to see my overly dramatic reactions and laugh at them. Guilt tripped me whenever I hanged out with anyone else. Stole from me. Whenever I achieved something, she would say “Don’t worry. I know you don’t deserve it. Your secret is safe with me.”

It was mental abuse. And considering how horribly wrong bullies are portrayed in guidance class videos (and Dhar Mann), I never picked up on it until three years later. I never had a clue that this friend was actually a bully. Because she didn’t show any of the signs of a fictional one. The kind that manipulated you into thinking they were on your side.

And then the THING happened.

The reason why I cut off my writing from the world for so long.

There was a writing project. We all had to write a fictional book.

This was my time to shine and I went full force l on this project. In my element. In the moment every single step of the way.

The other kids wrote a Minecraft story. I wrote a solely original fantasy about fairies and colonialism that dealt with equality issues through magic.

I distinctly remember being the last one to present to the class. I put up this dramatic narration while doing it. Be being wholeheartedly confident for the first time in front of my classmates. And everyone seemed to love it to pieces.

It was so loved that my teacher elected me as a representative in the school to have the story presented in a citywide fair.

Next to no one got something like that from what I heard.

I was even elected ‘best writer’ at the end of the year. When we were giving out rewards on who was the most of what.

It would’ve been great. I had never been that popular before. I was getting rewarded for something I loved and was proud of. My parents thought I was going to become successful with my writing.

And then my ‘friend’ had something to say about it.

Recess. Right after I got the reward news.

What did she do? Did she say what she always said? “I know you don’t deserve it” Some quiet gaslight like that?

No.

She strangled me.

Grabbed me by the neck and shoved me into a tree, screaming in my face “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HACK?!?” “YOU DONT DESERVE THIS AT ALL!!” “EVERYONES A MORON FOR NOT SEEING THROUGH YOUR EVIL TRICKS! I DO THOUGH!!” “YOURE A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR WRITING THAT!” “YOU WILL BE HATED BY EVERYONE IF YOU KEEP WRITING SO STOP WRITING!!”

Having it hard to breathe was one thing. My mental state was the real thing that got strangled out. So yeah, I got beaten up.

NOBODY did anything about it btw. They all ignored us. No one said anything to the teachers. They did nothing. She completely got away with it.

She drilled it into my head, by force, that I was a hack of a writer who would never have an original idea in her life, and everyone would despise me if I became a writer.

I believed it.

I still don’t know why I put up with her after that. I didn’t catch on till three years later that she was the one in the wrong. Gosh I’m stupid.

I shut down after that. I stopped showing anyone my writing. I avoided writing in public at all costs. I tried avoiding showing anyone my writing ever again. Even if it meant I got a failing grade. I would fail writing classes on purpose just to avoid the humiliation she lied about.

As for the reward? I don’t have the medal anymore. Or the book. That’s why it’s not published in stores from my knowledge. I threw both of them away after the ceremony. Ashamed. Disgusted by myself.

Not kidding, I spent that whole Christmas Break rewriting the entire story from shame alone.

My parents were so confused because I never told them what happened. I mean, I could’ve been successful at something I was proud of, go on to bigger things and achievements. But instead I threw it all away.

And my classmates too turned on me when I decided not to write anymore. Bully target.

From then on I stayed with the ‘friend’. I stayed her right hand. I would constantly tell everyone,

“I can’t write” “I can’t write”

Over and over again.

I still wrote. But it was a secret.

It got to the point where I just decided ‘I’d rather embrace the anxious shy weird girl than be confident’, and just embraced the full stereotype. Someone who would react to anything and scream at anything. Then when I got sick of that around my adolescence I decided I couldn’t cry anymore, those screams were anxiety AND anger towards anyone who pushed my buttons. I was the bully target till Covid. And few helped me because they all hated me. I was a very hot tempered hypocritical person who never shut up or stopped and only could when attacked by panic. On the last day before quarantine, everyone was joking about Covid and saying it was the best thing to ever happen, even the teacher, and I got mad, and everyone else kicked me out of class early. “Good riddance. No one will miss you.”

I was the nasty person. I was someone who couldn’t be sympathized. I was the bully. Not her.

And no one there does. Because I ended up moving again and never seeing them again.

As for what happened to that ‘friend’? It was kind of a distance thing that broke us apart rather than me ever standing up for myself in any way. So technically, she won.

From what I heard now she’s hooked on drugs. And my only reaction when I heard it was ‘Sad. Not my problem though.’

I don’t know if that’s heartless to not bring myself to care or not.

I can’t tell you if any of this classifies as PTSD or just classic trauma. Im not a therapist.

Then in my sophomore year of high school, I accidentally got one of my books leaked to my English teacher. Technology.

It was a book I wrote during quarantine, where I could just be myself and no one to harass me. (It’s also rewritten on Ao3 on my account if you’re curious)

I was ready to apologize for the error, but instead my teacher said that she loved it. And she questioned why I never mentioned I was ‘quite the talented writer’. We had a meeting and I told her the truth and why I kept it a secret. I even went on and on about how I believed I was a hack. Then she opened my eyes that I was not the one in the wrong in that situation. That I was not a hack and there was definition proof that I wasn’t. So I got booked to creative writing class when I went back to school, which I hesitantly accepted.

A few years later I would start my social media presence to try and get my writing off the ground. As I was trying hard to overcome my trauma and get my confidence back.

It didn’t work out. Cause no one reads original stuff anymore. And no one knew me. So yeah, I got nothing. So I tried joining fandoms instead, of shows I watched during quarantine, one of them being Total Drama. I tried making essays about my thoughts on stuff and slowly I got around to a hundred followers. Over that at the time of this post.

Then I got the crazy idea to try fanfiction for the first time. (Yes. Straight up. I never wrote fanfiction before that.) So I took a popular fanfic premise from the Total Drama community and decided ‘I’m going to try that. No one will read it though, so it’s fine if it’s bad.’

And well, look at where the fic is now. I was wrong. SO WRONG.

This is my most popular work ever. It’s very rare that I see any fanfic get over ten thousand views, let alone before it’s finished. Not only that, but I see many people online sharing their thoughts on the story and saying ‘this is no contest the best version of this fanfic premise and people need to see it’ ‘please see this it’s so good’ ‘when is it going to get updated’?!

And just… I NEVER imagined. I never imagined anyone would even CARE. Let alone to THIS height. I just… I can’t…

My parents still think I threw my writing passions away. They don’t support it anymore unless it’s a ‘positive happy go lucky story’. “You can’t be a writer. You can’t make a career out of fine arts. Or theater arts. Be a scientist. Be a meteorologist. Write facts for news.”

I can’t express enough how much this milestone truly means to me. Like, I actually did it. I can write something and have it get peoples attention, and people CARE. They actually CARE. And I’m so sorry I can’t live up to your standards and finish it faster and you have to wait another year for it to be completed-

I’m not editing this. I’m just rambling with text. It’s what I do. Those who follow me know this is who I am.

So just…

This has been a huge year for me. I graduated this year. I got a job. I’m working now. And I got this as icing on the cake for this year.

Seriously. Thank you for 10,000 views on Total Drama Danganronpa Island