#goldenorbrokenorlost

[star-anise]

Hi! I was wondering whether you might have pointers to resources for gifted+ADHD adults, if there are any decent ones out there that don't minimize the disabling nature of ADHD and just treat it like a magic creativity bonus. I hope this isn't presumptuous to ask, but I'm really struggling with stuff like being able to go to bed in time to get enough sleep at the same time as holding down a career that makes people go "ooooo you must be ~so smart" and am incredibly frustrated by the combination.

Giftedness is such a frustrating thing to talk about, because there are all these cultural narratives around ~bragging and ~egotism and shit and like… no. Giftedness isn’t important to me because I want to be TEH SMRTST, it’s important to me because I had no friends as a child. Realizing, “Hey, I have this neurodivergence that means that OF COURSE 99.9% of the kids I meet think I’m weird” meant I stopped thinking that I was just uniquely broken and unlovable.

It’s about being smart enough to name all the moons of Jupiter, but not realizing the other 7-year-olds don’t want to hear them. It’s about being literally mandated by all the adults in your life to do work that they know is too easy for you for a dozen years, and having your executive function atrophy, and then almost drowning when you’re thrown in the river of work hard enough for you in college.

Soooo yeah. I care about it a lot. (For people who aren’t familiar with my extensive back catalogue: I’ve written essays before on giftedness as neurodivergence and how most gifted children don’t grow up into eminent adults)

Anyway, the term for giftedness+disability (learning disability, autism spectrum, physical disability, mental illness) is “twice-exceptional” or “2e”.  Twee as fuck, but whatever, it’s googleable. I guess parents don’t want to be like my friend Feather and call it “comorbidity”. I also find ADDitude magazine to be a perpetually good resource.

Fortunately (unfortunately?) a huge number of resources for ADHD adults honestly are aimed at Gifted ADHD adults, just because most things written about psychology and self-help are inaccessible to people who aren’t cognitively strong. So if you like reading tons of psychological literature, ADDitude has a list of classics in the field.

[naamahdarling]

Doc Morgan is trans and has transitioned socially and medically.  His latest body had attributes that made it very appealing for work purposes, but he had to do some remodeling after he moved in.  He’s quite happy with it now.

Noah is genderfluid. Still in development so I’m not 100% sure whether he’s AFAB or AMAB.

Everyone else is pretty embarrassingly cis, actually. I should probably fix that.

You know, I hadn’t given much thought to this beyond “Doc Morgan definitely knits”..  But I think Danny should learn (probably crochet, though). He would only want to do very simple things, so it’d be good for his anxiety. And tabletop Kell probably picked it up from his mistress and now does it just to pass the time. He can’t sleep or cook constantly, and on a boat there’s not much to do if you aren’t crew.

To some extent, every OC will suffer from my own preferences for what I like to see people wear. 

You can see a shitton of Ariel’s underwear on this Pinterest board, which is the reason I have a Pinterest account, despite hating that hellsite. It was just the most expedient way to quickly compile a list of character references.  He’s fond of cute, colorful, and goofy for everyday wear, and loves jockstraps for sexytimes because let’s be real here, his ass is incredible. Anything he wears fits well, even the stuff that looks like it came out of the trash, so he always looks hot.

Danny likes low-slung briefs and hipster boxer briefs in fun, sexy fabrics for dancing.  He also likes a little bit of lace for sexy times.  Lacy undies under cutoffs.  Mmm.

Doc Morgan, honestly, I have no fucking idea. His relationship to sex/sexiness is so fucking weird.  He doesn’t understand cultural ideas about “sexy” and is liable to wildly misinterpret the point of any given sexy “look” which I think leads to a complete inability to straight-facedly present himself in a sexy way.  He just can’t conceptualize it.  I have a feeling it’s, like . . . if he’s going to wear something sexy, it’s going to be to intimidate, so . . . polyvinyl stockings and garter belt, thigh tattoos, combat boots, and BLOOD EVERYWHERE. “Is the point not to give you an idea of what it’d be like to ‘sex me up’? Doesn’t this give you a pretty good idea?  ...WHAT?”

Joey prefers cute bikini briefs for everyday wear.  Her taste in fun lingerie is very burlesque and camp.  She prefers pink and black.  She’s very fucking cute, so she can pull off anything.

Kell, man, nobody appreciates quality underthings more than he does. Mostly he prefers to look, but he loves soft and silky things against his skin.  Tabletop Kell is stuck in a pre-elastic world where underwear is pretty hopelessly frumpy, but real-world Kell would positively wallow in satin and silk.  I could see him wearing lacy things, too.  Given he’s literally the size of a fucking bear, this is actually really goddamn cute.  He tried on a corset once and it gave him SO MUCH respect for women.  There’s this stuff called butterknit. If you’ve ever felt it, it’s the softest goddamn thing. Silky, heavy, stretchy, lots of motion when it drapes. He would LOVE something like it.

Sebastian prefers unremarkable but classy boxer briefs. He has good legs, though, and before she died he let his mistress dress him up sometimes for a little fun.

Solomon: he just makes sure that anything he wears is cut flatteringly, and that alone means it’s going to be sexy as hell because he’s very pretty.  He tends to like nice jewel tones or black. Does not have the goofy/cute aesthetic thing going on that his brother does. Wears the occasional super-silky microfiber thing just for fun or lounging or for sexytimes.

Tank wears boxer briefs or no underwear at all.  Fan of going commando.

Thane doesn’t really “get” sexy underwear, since he doesn’t have much of a concept of himself as the kind of “sexy” that benefits from dressing up. He has graduated from black/gray/blue/red boxer briefs to more colors and styles, mostly thanks to his boyfriend buying him things and saying “wear this.”  He doesn’t have preferences except “cover everything, Mattie approves.”

[transmasculineselfielove]

goldenorbrokenorlost

replied to your post

“goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post “So I’m a fat trans guy....”

Uh. No, I was trying to share information--it's absolute bullshit, and it means I won't be getting surgery from their surgeons. What they need to be doing is get better at operating on fat bodies, not restrict who they'll actually work with because they're too afraid of bad publicity.

The only thing is that I've been told in consultation with a surgeon who is actually willing to work with very fat patients that there is a somewhat larger risk of dog-ears for larger people who are getting double-incision-type procedures--I believe him on this, but it's something to be aware of, not something to be used to blame anyone or their body.

Thank you for clarifying.  It’s way too easy for me to misread things.

Yes!  Doctors all around need to learn how to treat fat patients properly, rather than falling back on trying to force patients to lose weight.

I did get the dog-ears warning from my surgeon too.  And with my surgeon, he was just matter-of-fact about the possible risks, he didn’t try to tell me to lose weight.  And that’s fine.  I mean, he also told me that people are constantly refining procedures to reduce the chances of dog-ears for everybody, so he didn’t put a lot of emphasis on it.  And he assured me that it was something he could work on after the surgery if they developed.  

Maybe I’d add to my advice that if you have a choice of surgeons, look for the one whose confident enough in his ability that he’s willing to correct problems down the road.

[vulgarweed]

goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post “Like or reblog this post if you’re a Sherlock blog that:”

Talking about Johnlockary as a three-mast ship just makes me think that there really should be some pegging fic for them!

There is and it’s hot!  Got You Pegged by @missdaviswrites

[thegarbageship]

Special shoutout to @goldenorbrokenorlost, my meatspace friend who never gets tired of hearing about reylo.

source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantis#/media/File:Praying_Mantis_Sexual_Cannibalism_European-37.jpg

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your video “portaljumper339: kleurrijkste: just-call-me-vendetta: ...”

There's a song about that! "Dr. Bronner's makes your hoo-hoo tingle... ladies you know what I mean"

This cracked me up.  Glad to know I’m still about 12 at heart.

[star-anise]

goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post: lemonsharks replied to your video: ...

DISHWASHER. I got myself a countertop one off craigslist and it has been disproportionately amazing as far as making my kitchen actually stay cleanish.

I gave them printouts on the cost of a countertop dishwasher and flatly said, “Get this, or I can’t hold up my third of the dishes.”  So these days I generally only do one night a week of dishes instead of two, and I’ll go back to pulling my weight when the machine comes in.

[naamahdarling]

goldenorbrokenorlost

 Anyone have any good (preferably readable online)...

not online, but book recs: Bessel van der Kolk’s _The Body Keeps the Score_ and Judith Hermann’s _Trauma and Recovery_. Both highly recommended.

Thank you.

[transmasculineselfielove]

goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post “So I'm a fat trans guy. Before I had top surgery, one of my doctors...”

I suspect that, at least in some systems, it is normal to be told you need to lose weight in order to get top surgery. In one of the networks in my area, they told me that they want patients to be under a BMI of 30 but that some surgeons will "make an exception" for 30-35. Reading between the lines, I suspect that some of their surgeons are no longer taking fat patients after one of the patients posted his (appalling) results online.

Let’s be clear, we are still talking about fatphobia here.  

It is absolutely bullshit that surgeons ask people to lose weight for top surgery.  To reiterate what I have said, and will keep saying: when you lose weight, you will gain it back plus extra within five years.  And that weight gain will affect your surgery results.

The best way to ensure you remain happy with your top surgery is to make sure your weight is stable before surgery.  HOWEVER: if there are situations in your life making you gain weight, then it may not be possible to wait until it levels off.  The only person who really knows the best time for you to get this surgery is the person whose getting it.

And here’s where the fatphobia really shows through.  There is a chance of bad results for any person who gets top surgery, and there are examples of bad results for people of every body type and size.  Skinny guys can have bad results.  Muscular guys can have bad results.  “Average” guys can have bad results.  And you bet your ass those results get posted, because when people have a bad experience with surgery, they talk about it.

Being fat does not mean you are more likely to have bad results.  And if surgeons really are denying medical care to fat patients because one time a fat patient complained about bad results, then that surgeon is fatphobic. 

And, now, I might be misreading this.  But it sounds like you are saying that this hypothetical fat patient had “appalling” results because they were fat.  That is fucking bullshit.  Fat trans men get top surgery all the fucking time, and we are happy with the results all the fucking time.

Correct me if I read your comment wrong, because if not, you’re fatphobic ass is getting blocked.

[vulgarweed]

goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post “I’m Telling Mistress,” Part 2”

...also, there is apparently a Halloween theme that sends little white ghosts floating upward when you click "Like." Seems appropriate here, really.

OMG LOL. Is there a way to make that permanent, I wonder? (Not that I really wish permanent cumsprites on myself or anyone I like.)

[acanofpeaches]

@goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post:@malapertqueen​ malapertqueen replied to your post…

PLEASE write that paper/book. It is so fucked up and normalizes abuse. Both of my advisers were abusive (the second one had the textbook cycle of mounting tension, blow up at someone, and then it’s more relaxed and a better time to ask for feedback/favors). And even people who give a shit usually can’t stop them, though they sometimes can give students an out.

YEP that’s exactly it.  It is a form of abuse, and I have to say that my experience is that same way too — never knowing which mood she’ll be in, will she publicly humiliate me in front of my peers? or be "kind" and do her actual fucking job? so you’re always afraid of what will happen.  When you think you can trust them — which, you feel like you have to, they’re your guide for your degree, your lifeline to everything — they make it so you’re hurt again.  And you’re right too about the people who to try to help. They try, but they can’t do much.  Then if you stay in the same program you have to deal with seeing your old advisor there, and it’s awkward, and they know what you did.  And then if your area of study isn’t large and you plan to stay in the same location, you will be in the same circles as them.  It never ends.  

[lifeislikeabadrpg]

goldenorbrokenorlost replied to your post “ballerina-duck replied to your post:ballerina-duck replied to your...”

And I would say you have a human need to socialize. The fact that it's hard to do in a way that fulfills you and your friends doesn't mean you don't need it.

Thank you.

[naamahdarling]

goldenorbrokenorlost answered your question:Spider mating basically amounts to fisting. Why...

Because you are a creative gem of a human being. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

"A creative gem" I chant to myself as I stuff limb after arachnoid limb into some poor bastard's asshole.

[vulgarweed]

I also remember your Entslash from back in the day! Was excellent then, and still is.

Thank you so much. While I am always trying to branch out as a writer, Tolkien fandom is deeply rooted, and I will never leave. My bark is worse than my bite. When I’m away for too long, I start to pine.