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goldenize · 3 years ago

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Oh my GOD

I made SUCH AN ASS of myself. (≧﹏ ≦)

So lowkey I have THE WORST FUCKING SOCIAL ANXIETY and I MADE AN ASS OF MYSELF at Annie yesterday but he’s just such a goddamn sweetheart ALSO with ALL THE SOCIAL ANXIETY. /_ \

Oh my god, it wasn’t even his fault either like... okay if there is one hill I’ll die on, it’s for literally every hotel, motel, hostel, EVERYTHING to not call a full bed a double. ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

They are LITERALLY THE SAME THING and telling this poor boy who has never booked accommodations IN HIS LIFE that all they have is “a single double” is what bad fanfic tropes are MADE OF (ノへ￣、)

(I don’t mean it that trope is perfect awkward comedy)

It was sleeting and so yeah, okay, I’m gonna cave, I’m getting actual sneakers and socks, I should probz put my gym membership to use, for the free showers if anything. （；´д｀)

But oh my god, I need to remember that me and Annie really still don’t know each other that well, I got way overconfident that we’ve got each other kinda figured out, but it’s not really on such a level where like...

Okay so I guess I got annoyed on his behalf and he’s been really awkward about getting hugged and shit and I’m just a very physically affectionate guy and I know that and I’m touch starved as hell, so I kinda hang onto him a lot and I been trying to stop and so I thought he was upset we had to share a bed because of that but he wasn’t and I was getting kind of upset for him because I didn’t want him to feel stupid about an easy mistake but I was getting ahead of myself and he thought I was mad at him ANYWAY and so he just kinda grabbed all his stuff and I thought he dipped and okay yeah, that scared the crap out of me, but he doesn’t know I have these weird hang ups about that kinda thing, so I went looking for him and this place has some alcove with phone booths and Annie’s sitting on a bench in there. (˘･_･˘)

Okay so like, I got upset and cranky cause it was still cold and okay YEAH I need pants, I can’t always depend on following warm weather and I don’t have a vehicle to retreat to anymore and I shouldn’t decide it’d be fine for almost the year it’d take to get my license and buy a car, so I’m gonna suck it up and get some pants but I mean THAT’S NOT THE POINT （＞人＜；）

I was looking for the hoodie and it wasn’t in my bag and like... Annie took it and he was REALLY upset because he made it sound like he was taking it back and just he spent the last 5 months insisting it’s mine now and he said he wasn’t mad at me just REALLY confused at me and why I was acting the way I was (HE EVEN SAID A SWEAR) and I’m saying it’s because we’re sharing a bed and I know he doesn’t like being touched and he says that I’m stupid and he’s just not used to being touched so like. (ノへ￣、)

I forget that I had the feeling he was touch starved but he just never really acts on it on his own, so I started thinking he was just being polite and awkward and I was getting into my own head again thinking maybe he was just not fighting me on anything or because he feels like he owes me and oh my god, thinking about it now the entire reason I was cool with keeping him was because I thought he wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to do even with that potential “imbalance” between us and I started talking myself into forgetting that. Uuuugh oh my god. (*/n＼*)

He said he likes listening to me talk tho and tbh that’s p nice to hear. (*゜ー゜*)

but dear sweet jesus, having friends is hard enough already but like, this kind of constant interacting is just really confusing sometimes when something’s unaligned but I guess 5 straight months of alignment starting as total strangers is actually a pretty good sign for us? (。_。)

I’m just, I dunno, I’m so fucking embarrassed about this and I made a huge ass of myself and sometimes I forget I have a problem with just having to see a person over and over constantly and I guess I mean. (((φ(◎ロ◎;)φ))) Annie kinda made me forget I have that problem? It’s been like “See? You have gotten better with people! You’re doing it!!!” and maybe that’s just part of growing up, you learn shit and you fuck up and it doesn’t matter so much as when it’s around the people you want in your life forever but it’s still terrifying and you don’t get the kind of practice you need beyond the surface. Maybe I got a little too far ahead of myself deciding to take care of a stray WHOLE ASS HUMAN BEING but he was miserable alone and I guess I was getting selfish because here in front of me is another Hue???? And he looks like he’s around my age!?!?!??!?!?? Yeah no fucking way I was gonna “hi-bye” that. (ò_óˇ)

But I guess Annie still gave me back the hoodie, he still came back to the room, he still got in bed with me and we went to sleep and spent 8 hours unconscious next to each other and still woke up, still got some food, still packed up everything, and we’re just like we always are. (。・ω・。) Also we’ve established if there’s ever only one bed, it’s the most practical goddamn choice to make, especially when it turns out to be more cost efficient. Glad he’s gotten p conscious of that too, I’m getting super spoiled with that actually. I don’t have to keep a look out for everything anymore. ≡[。。]≡

Also I guess he thinks I’m doing so much and he’s not doing anything in return but he’s made living this way so much better. I already liked it, but having him has taken a lot of pressure off while I’m still figuring it out. He’s a lot smarter than he gives himself credit for and he really does take care of me sometimes. I mean, he’s seriously undervaluing how nice it is to be able to sleep on the bus without worrying about anything. Just being next to me means he can shake me awake if something’s looking even the slightest bit shady. Maybe it’s just because he’s still learning a lot that he severely undersells how much he knows and I dunno, I don’t know how to just tell him that without it feeling all weird and forced. (≧﹏ ≦)

Or maybe I’m overthinking that??? ╮(╯-╰)╭ I guess best I can do that though is just the hugging and support and that great step we took last month when he learned how to take a damn compliment is making it easier. (❁´◡`❁)

#goldenize #goldenwhys #goldensighs #goldenguys #goldenwhines #annie #the lifestyle

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