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My Thoughts On Dark Age (SPOILERS)
My pre-ordered copy of Dark Age arrived in the mail on Friday afternoon, four days before the official release day. The only thing stopping me from reading it right then and there was the fact that I was about to leave for a four-hour shift bagging groceries. But as soon as I got home I got pumped up on sugar, took a shower, got in my pajamas, and sat down to read. One all-nighter, a two-hour power nap, another shift at work, and then finally a good night sleep later, I am empty inside from all the screaming and crying I did over the course of this monstrosity of a book.
Pierce Brown has done it. He actually did it. We were all expecting that the ending of Dark Age would put the heart-rending ending of Golden Son to shame. And not only did he manage to top that level of shock, betrayal, and beloved character death, he did it all before the book was even half-way over. Pierce said that Dark Age is the most complex, violent, and intimate book he’s ever written, and all I have to say to that is “understatement of the bloodydamn century.”
There are so many things to talk about but for the sake of avoiding spoilers for people who don’t have early pre-ordered copies, I’ll put my spoiler thoughts under the cut. The one non-spoiler thing I’ll say is this: After Iron Gold was only divided into three sections, Dark Age takes us back to the saga standard four.
Part I was pretty much one long battle, and I have to say that this is one of the most visceral, in the trenches action sequence in the entire saga to date. Part I was told exclusively from the POVs of Darrow and Lysander as they prepare for war. And the chaos and reality of war is a very big shock to Lysander’s system. For everyone hoping he’d his ass handed to him, it is immensely cathartic to have Lysander’s battle group get demolished by Darrow’s Howlers like they’re an afterthought. And to add insult to injury, Lysander ends up pinned under a discarded starShell while a second one lands with its burning thrusters right next to his face.
The battle aside, the tension between the Core and the Rim Golds when Lysander arrived was a delight. And the contrast between Atalantia and Ajax’s initial reactions to learning that Lysander is alive and how they behave later really adds both a lot of dimension to the politics of Gold as well as to Lysander’s own backstory, while at the same time fleshing out the new characters and really selling the history they have with Lysander.
The moment that impacted me the most was the realization that a prediction I’d made after the excerpt had come true. In the prologue, Darrow told his team that if they couldn’t rescue Orion their orders were to kill her instead to protect the Republic. In the chapter after that, he mentions that he suspected that Colloawy helped Orion cheat her psych evaluation. And while she and Darrow had similarly low opinions of the bureaucracy of the senate, Orion was noticeably more cynical. And when Darrow started preparing the Storm Gods (the weather machines used to terraform Mercury for those who are reading this not caring about spoilers) he asked Rhonna about his insurance policy.
So, even before Orion went beyond Darrow’s orders and took the Storm Gods to full strength, I knew that Darrow was going to have to order the death of someone close to him in order to protect others. It just never occurred to me that it would still be Orion. I really wish we had gotten to hear more about her backstory or get a mention of her love life in Iron Gold, because I remember Pierce saying somewhere that Orion would be married in the sequel trilogy. Her interactions with Darrow in the beginning of Dark Age were really sweet, but knowing in hindsight that her days were numbered, I wish we’d gotten more time with her in the past.
Mustang’s prologue is not only the second time since Red Rising that we’ve had an intro that immediately jumps back in time to show us how we got to that point, but it also is the first time where Pierce has written the prologue in such a way that it omits the details that the audience will be aware of when we get to this scene again. (And the two months detail is an intentional lie because adding up the time and Virginia’s comments puts this at just over a week past Darrow’s section of the prologue). The first time around, this scene looks like the middle of a catastrophe, that Darrow and his armies have been pinned down and Mustang is desperately sending whatever aid she can to help. But after reading through the heart pounding action of the Ash Rain in Part I, we realize that this speech is declaring victory.
Mustang’s POV is a godsend not only for how beautifully Pierce writes her, but also that we get to see how she interacts with all of the other characters when Darrow’s not there. She and Daxo are adorable in the way they joke and tease each other like siblings. (And I had to laugh at the running joke about the design his office being a metaphor for his virility) Her political maneuvering against Dancer were full of cathartic backhanded burns. Seeing her pull a Katniss to sway the Silver senators was glorious, and the way she knows Sevro’s in the room before he even announces his presence and immediately tells him to stop wanking in the shadows and come talk to her.
It was a delight to watch her be ten steps ahead of everyone else – how she allowed Victra and Sefi’s scheming to happen because their objectives were pieces of her own master plan to unite the Republic and get everyone back on track towards defeating Atalantia. Seeing her turn the tables and play mind games with the Duke of Hands was a sight to behold.
But one of my favorite parts of her early chapters was where Dancer finally took his head out of his ass, came down off his high horse, and stopped treating her and Darrow like shit. In the process, we learned a great deal about Dancer’s backstory and how he joined the Sons of Ares that just adds so many layers to his character.
I did think it was a bit tragic that we only learned that Dancer was Gay and Daxo was Bi right before they got killed off, but that doesn’t take away from the joy of knowing that two characters I’ve loved throughout the series are canonically queer. I’m glad that if Dancer had to die, he at got to redeem himself in the eyes of the fans before he bit the dust.
And to the aforementioned killing off, we get to Golden Son levels of shock, betrayal, and heartbreak less than halfway through the book. Mustang was always ten steps ahead of everyone else and just when it finally seemed like she would get everything she wanted, when she and Dancer and Sevro put their heads together and figured out that Senator Publius cu Caraval was the Syndicate’s spy, it all fell apart. Publis poisoned Dancer and pointed the already riled up Vox Populi mobs at Mustang accusing her of murdering the voice of the Vox, and the coup began. Daxo was killed when the Syndicate Queen showed up personally to lead the mob. And when we finally see her, she’s wearing fleshmasks and contacts to look like a Red, but Mustang immediately recognizes the face of the long-thought-dead Lilath au Faran.
But while Lilath may have been working with Atalantia, she isn’t the top of the Syndicate food chain. Mustang is smarter than just about every character in the Red Rising setting, but from what we’ve seen Atalantia isn’t that smart. There is only one person smart enough to so thoroughly derail Mustang’s plans. One person smart enough to know how she thinks and what she’s doing. And that is the only person in the setting who can rival her intelligence: her brother.
There were multiple moments in the first half of Dark Age that hit me in the stomach and left my reeling emotionally. But a ten-year-old clone of the Jackal walking into the Vox Populi’s show trial for Mustang alongside Lilath and the surviving Boneriders was the first moment in Dark Age that made me put the book down and start loudly screaming curses at the air.
Though his introduction was chilling, his scenes afterwards actually had me much more contemplative. When Mustang is forced to have dinner with the Boneriders, Adrius II starts making puzzles like Adrius I used to do with Mustang when they were kids, and he gives them to Lilath to solve. Lilath can’t solve them but of course Mustang can, and without Nero’s constant presence in their lives it actually felt like both Mustang and Adrius were having actual, genuine fun during this exchange.
And Mustang following this up by revealing that she still has all the old ones that original Adrius made as kids was both really sweet and also the first crack between the Jackal and his boneriders. Because Lilath and the Boneriders put the Jackal on such a pedestal that they only ever told Adrius II about the parts of his original self they admired and ignored little details they didn’t consider important, Adrius II is going through some Clone Angst. He feels secure in who he is, but he doesn’t know if he wants to be what the original Adrius was. And Mustang reveals that she kept all the puzzles demonstrated that Lilath and the Boneriders would never love any version of Adrius the way he wanted to be loved.
I trust that Pierce didn’t introduce Adrius II just for the sake of having The Jackal back. It would be too cliché, and extremely predictable to go that route. What would make a compelling story, and one that fits in with Pierce’s worldview and the themes of the Red Rising series, is if Adrius II spends the next book wrestling with whether he wants to follow in the footsteps of the original in a classic nature vs. nurture conflict would be so fascinating and I really can’t wait to see how that gets pulled off (it helps me cope with the fact that Brainwashed Evil Sevro is something that the Boneriders have threatened).
But I really love how Mustang could clearly see that potential in Adrius II, and the only reason she didn’t talk it out more and help him through that internal conflict is because it would take more time than she had, and she had bigger fish to fry. I really hope her means of escape didn’t sour Adrius II towards the path of redemption. And I really hope that Adrius doesn’t get the chance to follow through on his threat to wipe Sevro’s mind.  
As far as the other characters go, Ephriam had some of the best character development in the entirety of Dark Age. Watching him gradually become invested in the future of Sefi’s AllTribe was very beautiful and heartwarming. He’d spent all of the last decade stuck in the anger stage of grief over Trigg’s death but over the course of Dark Age and helping Sefi it really felt like he was starting to reach the acceptance stage and get closure. His interactions with Ozgard even felt a little shippy, even if I knew he wasn’t ready for another relationship. But watching Ephriam find a new purpose in life and a place in the post-Rising world was a sight to behold. And then the machination of Atlas au Raa had to bring it all crashing down.
The Ascomani King showing up and claiming to be Ragnar’s father was a cruel twist of Society planning – they know the Obsidians worship Ragnar, and they know that Sefi has the power to unite all the tribes. So, they let her create her AllTribe and then had her replaced as leader with their own puppet.
It was a cruel twist that out of all the POV characters, Ephriam would be the one to die. If he had gone with backup he would have been able to stop the coup, but I understand why he went alone. Going alone meant that he didn’t drag Volga into the mess he was trying to protect her from, and he didn’t want to force her into the role of Queen. It was really sweet when she called him her father, and I really like how she chose to go with the Obsidians at the end not out of duty, but to finish what her father helped start. I look forward to seeing how she deals with infiltrating the Obsidians and taking her rightful place on Aunt Sefi’s throne.
Okay, I pretty much think at this point it’s a given that by the time this series is over Lyria and her nephew and Volga will have been adopted into the August/Reaper-Telemanus-Barca clan. I mean, Volga is Ragnar’s daughter why wouldn’t they make her part of the family. But honestly, following Victra and Lyria and Volga as they fight to survive in the Martian wilderness with the Pandora destroyed and the Red Hand on their heels was one of my favorite parts of the book. Their bickering was funny, but things quickly took a turn for the heartwarming when Victra ended up going into labor and Lyria was the one who helped her through it.
The conversation between Victra and Lyria while Victra is giving birth about their different experiences and their different perspectives was one of the most emotional conversations in the book, and it really warmed my heart when a few chapters later Lyria referred to Victra and Volga as her friends.
But then the Red Hand just had to attack. If you are triggered or easily upset by scenes where harm is done to an infant, or where you see the aftermath of harm done to an infant, you are going to be upset for almost all of Lyria’s chapters for the remainder of Dark Age following the birth. The crimes of Harmony and her Red Hand goons are numerous. They have killed and mutilated countless Reds for the sole crime of being Gamma. But somehow it took the sight of the newborn Barca baby nailed to a tree for me to viscerally demand their demise. I was screaming and raw when I read that scene, desperately praying that it was a different baby and that little Ulysses was okay. But no. She may not have done the deed, but she condoned and encouraged that kind of thing by her men, and we can now add infanticide to the list of Harmony’s crimes.
Which is why I am so, so glad that not only did Lyria manage to single-handedly orchestrate the final destruction of the Red Hand, but that she and Victra were the ones who did Harmony in. Harmony being thrown into a nest of adult Pitvipers was one of the most cathartic moments in the series since the fight against Aja in Morning Star, and I could not be happier that she’s finally gone.
I haven’t really talked about Darrow and Lysander since the beginning because while their story is important to what’s happening overall everything is happening in such a condensed time frame, and with Darrow and Lsyander’s chapters being focused on Atalantia’s siege of Mercury, we only really drop in for the important parts:
It was frustrating to see Lysander’s commitment to the hierarchy hardened by his experiences on Mercury, and it was heartbreaking to see Lysander lead the charge that overwhelmed Darrow’s defenses and allowed Atalantia’s armies into the Free Legions’ last stronghold. Watching the lowColors of Mercury reject the Republic was devastating both to me and Darrow, and it was heartdreaking to watch what was left of the Republic forces slowly dwindling as Lysander’s offensive went on.
But it was all the more cathartic when Casssius showed up to evacuate the survivors before they could be completely wiped out. I knew that Cassius’ death was faked, but there are still a few questions about how he got away from the Rim. That being said, I’m thrilled that after a decade in exile, Cassius has officially joined the Republic to help his friends.
Dark Age is truly the darkest hour for our heroes in a way that tops even Golden Son. Mercury has been retaken by Atalantia. Earth has fallen to the Rim-Core alliance. Luna has gone the way of the Death Eater-run Ministry of Magic in Harrpy Potter – with the Jackal Clone and his Bone Riders pulling the strings of a Vox Populi puppet government. Only Mars remains free. Despite causing chaos on Venus off-page Apollonius has seemingly joined forces with Lysander against Darrow. Sefi is dead and her dream of a united Obsidian nation has been coopted by a Society puppet masquerading as her and Ragnar’s father. Sevro is still in the clutches of Adrius II, who has threatened to use the same technology that Octavia used to modify Lysander’s memories to completely erase Sevro’s mind.
I trust Pierce Brown to pull of a finale that resolves all of this and gives us a satisfying ending. There are still unknown variables that we can’t predict. We don’t see the Rim at all during the events of the novel and the negotiations between them and the Core happen off page. We only see Apollonius in two short scenes. And to top it off we know that Pierce Brown has a history of writing unreliable narrators who hide their plans from the audience. While we’ve seen it with Darrow and Mustang, he hasn’t done it with Lyria or Ephriam, and we haven’t seen any such deceptive narration from Lysander yet.
So, time will tell not only how Pierce resolves all of this. But in the meantime, #PrayForSevro. It’s going to be a long two years while we wait for the final book.
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ramajmedia · 5 years ago
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25 Best Movies on Netflix Right Now (September 2019) | ScreenRant
While Netflix remains far and away the most popular streaming subscription service out there, it's fair to say that their selection of movies isn't quite what it once was. Netflix is opting more and more to focus on their own original content, and while much of that content is good, it doesn't do much for those looking to take in a great movie that Netflix didn't produce.
Reduction in library size aside, Netflix still plays host to some truly great films, ranging all the way from relatively recent superhero adventures to bonafide Oscar-winning classic dramas. Here are the 25 best films on Netflix that you can watch right now.
NOTE: This list is updated regularly - to ensure availability of the movies listed. Also, the list isn't ranked from worst to best, so a lower number is not meant to denote higher quality. It's just a list of 25 great movies.
Last updated: September 5, 2019
Related: Netflix Stock Hits All-Time High, Now Worth $130 Billion
Before the list proper, there are some notes to be made. First, Netflix offers a different selection in every country it services, and this list focuses solely on films available to U.S. subscribers. That said, those outside the U.S. are encouraged to still check their country's line-up, as some of these picks may also be available to them. Secondly, these 25 films are available to stream as of this writing. If and when included titles are removed from Netflix, this list will be updated with new selections.
25 Monty Python and the Holy Grail
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A feature-film offshoot of the classic sketch comedy series Monty Python's Flying Circus, 1975's Monty Python and the Holy Grail is regularly cited as one of the funniest comedies of all time, and is also one of the most influential movies in history. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the film that launched a thousand memes, and anyone who watches it for the first time on Netflix is likely to come away in awe at how many common pop cultural references they now understand. For those who can't get enough, Monty Pyton's Flying Circus' full run is also available to stream.
24 Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
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One of the lesser-known movies on this list, 2010's Tucker & Dale vs. Evil only received a limited theatrical release, but that doesn't make it any less a great option for a night of Netflix viewing. Directed by Eli Craig, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil stars Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine as the titular duo, mild-mannered hillbillies living in West Virginia. Tucker and Dale are nice people, but resemble the type of backwoods villains seen in many a horror movie, and a series of comic misunderstandings lead a group of young friends to believe the two capable of murder. A lesson in not judging a book by its cover, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is a great blend of slasher and comedy.
23 Pulp Fiction
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Director Quentin Tarantino's resume boasts many terrific films, but 1994's Pulp Fiction is still arguably his signature work, decades after it took pop culture by storm. Boasting a star-studded cast of acting greats - John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Tim Roth, Ving Rhames, and more - Pulp Fiction is one of the slickest, coolest crime thrillers to emerge from the 1990s. Chances are most reading this have seen it, but those who haven't owe it to themselves to give it a watch on Netflix.
Related: All of Quentin Tarantino's Movies, Ranked
22 American Psycho
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While landing the role of Batman in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy may be what cemented Christian Bale as an A-list star, just a few years earlier, the actor drew raves for his portrayal of yuppie serial killer Patrick Bateman in director Mary Harron's American Psycho. An adaptation of Brett Easton Ellis' controversial 80s-set book, the recently added to Netflix film excises some of Ellis' more upsetting sequences, but still manages to craft one of the most fascinating horror films of its decade. For his part, Bale is a revelation, exuding both undeniable menace and his own odd charm.
21 Hellboy
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While it's sad that director Guillermo Del Toro and star Ron Perlman never got to finish their Hellboy trilogy, there's no reason not to go back and watch their original 2004 effort again on Netflix. Hellboy only did decently at the box office, but was critically acclaimed, and earned a big enough cult fanbase to receive 2008 sequel Hellboy II: The Golden Army. The Hellboy franchise will soon be rebooted with David Harbour in the lead role and Neil Marshall behind the camera, but to many, Perlman will be always be Big Red.
20 Moonlight
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Directed by Barry Jenkins, 2016's coming-of-age drama Moonlight will - for better or worse - probably always be known as the movie that won Best Picture only after the award had been mistakenly given to La La Land. That aside, Moonlight deserved the awards love, and is definitely in the top tier of Netflix's movie selection. The film follows three stages in the life of Chiron Harris (Alex Hibbert, Ashton Sanders, and Trevante Rhodes), a young black man trying to both make his way in the world and come to terms with his sexuality, despite dealing with homophobia and his drug-addicted mother. Mahershala Ali, Naomie Harris, Janelle Monae, and Andre Holland also star.
Related: Where Does Moonlight Rank Among Recent Best Picture Winners?
19 Groundhog Day
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Bill Murray is generally regarded as one of the most beloved actors of all time, and boasts a resume most performers would be jealous of. Truly one of his best turns came in 1993's Groundhog Day, playing acerbic weatherman Phil Connors. To call Phil a huge jerk would be putting it mildly, but fate has decided to make him relive the same titular day over and over again, until he learns to be a better man. A critical darling, the film was directed by Murray's old Ghostbusters pal Harold Ramis, and is a top-tier Netflix addition.
18 Platoon
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While director Oliver Stone is most closely associated nowadays with his penchant for conspiracy theories and being outspoken politically, that doesn't mean his films aren't still by and large brilliant, and worth checking out on Netflix. One of the best is 1986's Platoon, which is based on Stone's own experiences serving in the Vietnam War. The cast is loaded with talent, including Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger, Willem Dafoe, Keith David, Forest Whitaker, and even Johnny Depp in an early role. War truly is hell, and Platoon presents that reality more vividly than the vast majority of movies.
17 Taxi Driver
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Often cited as one of legendary director Martin Scorsese’s best films, 1976’s Taxi Driver also features one of the greatest performances to come out of the long acting career of Robert De Niro. Written by Paul Schrader, Taxi Driver stars De Niro as Travis Bickle, an already tightly wound Vietnam veteran who finds himself slowly becoming more and more disillusioned with society after witnessing the rampant crime and corruption in New York City. Bickle of course eventually snaps, going on one of cinema’s most infamous violent rampages. Any serious film fan needs to have seen this film, and Netflix is a great way to do it.
Related: Martin Scorsese's 10 Best Movies, According To Rotten Tomatoes
16 Raiders of the Lost Ark
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Directed by legendary hit-maker Steven Spielberg, 1981's Raiders of the Lost Ark introduced the world to one of the greatest action/adventure franchises in cinematic history, and also one of cinema's greatest heroes. Harrison Ford stars as Indiana Jones, a university professor professionally, but a crusading archaeologist and adventurer in his off time. In his film debut, Indy outruns giant boulders, punches out giant Nazis, and quests for the fabled biblical artifact known as the Ark of the Covenant. All three Indiana Jones sequels are also now on Netflix.
15 V for Vendetta
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Many pieces of dystopian fiction have taken a look at what the residents of a so-called democracy will tolerate in the name of security, and V for Vendetta treads that well-worn path to an extent. Based on a graphic novel written by  comics legend Alan Moore though, the Wachowskis' film manages to inject new life into the idea of a dystopian future. Set in an alternative UK ruled by a neo-fascist regime, V for Vendetta stars Hugo Weaving as the titular enigmatic revolutionary, and Natalie Portman as Evey, who (initially unwillingly) gets sucked into his crusade. This movie is more than worth streaming on Netflix, even if it isn't the 5th of November.
14 Black Panther
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After making a celebrated debut in Captain America: Civil War, T'Challa (Chadwick Boseman) got a movie to call his own with colossal 2018 hit Black Panther. To refer to director Ryan Coogler's new to Netflix film as a success would almost be a disservice to just how well it performed, hauling in over $1 billion at the box office, and earning critical raves (97% on RT). While T'Challa was snuffed out by Thanos' snap near the end of Avengers: Infinity War, it's obviously only a matter of time until the King of Wakanda returns.
Related: Black Panther’s Success ‘Emboldened’ Marvel To Pursue More Diverse Movies
13 Gremlins
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It really says something about the enduring popularity of director Joe Dante's 1984 hit Gremlins that there's seemingly always talk about a new addition to the franchise, despite no films being made since 1990's Gremlins 2: The New Batch. A seamless blend of comedy, horror, and Christmas, Gremlins introduced the world to the adorable Mogwai known as Gizmo, as well as the malevolent titular creatures that spawn when the rules of Mogwai care are violated. Produced by Steven Spielberg, Gremlins was also one of the films that pushed the limits of the PG rating, leading to the creation of PG-13. It may not be December, but Gremlins is a great year-round Netflix pick.
12 The Sixth Sense
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While director M. Night Shyamalan's career hasn't quite lived up to what most expected, his 1999 breakout hit (85% score on RT) The Sixth Sense made such a great first impression that he's arguably been riding its wave ever since. Bruce Willis stars as Dr. Malcolm Crowe, a psychiatrist trying to help troubled young boy Cole (Haley Joel Osment), who is burdened with the ability to see and interact with ghosts. For those wondering, no, the big twist won't be spoiled here, for the small subset of Netflix subscribers who aren't already aware of what it is.
11 Rain Man
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One of the many triumphs to come out of the 1980s from director Barry Levinson, Rain Man tells the unlikely story of slick, fast-talking hustler Charlie Babbitt (Tom Cruise, in one of the early roles that proved to audiences that he was capable of far more then headlining popcorn fare like Top Gun), who's shocked to find out his father’s sizable estate is being passed on almost entirely to autistic savant Raymond (Dustin Hoffman), an older brother he never knew he had. A critical darling, Rain Man picked up four Oscars, including Best Picture, and Best Actor for Hoffman. It's a great addition to the Netflix catalog.
Related: Tom Cruise's 10 Best Movies, According To Rotten Tomatoes
10 The Conjuring
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One of the creepiest films to grace Netflix, director James Wan's The Conjuring impressed both fans and critics, earning an 86% RT score and making a truckload of money. The Conjuring has since spawned its own cinematic universe of sequels and spinoffs, including about the possessed doll Annabelle. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga star as real life "demonologists" Ed and Lorraine Warren, while Lili Taylor and Ron Livingston play the heads of the family beset by demonic forces.
9 Avengers: Infinity War
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Arriving on Netflix just in time for Christmas 2018 is Marvel Studios' MCU blockbuster to end all MCU blockbusters, Avengers: Infinity War. Well, at least until the story continues in 2019's Avengers: Endgame. It's hard to imagine anyone reading this hasn't seen Joe and Anthony Russo's $2 billion-grossing, critically acclaimed hit, but that doesn't mean there''s no reason to stream it again. Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, Josh Brolin, Tom Holland, Scarlett Johansson, and more fill-out Marvel's most star-studded project to date.
8 Schindler's List
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An Oscar-darling - winning seven awards, including Best Picture and Best Director for Steven Spielberg - Schindler's List (97% on Rotten Tomatoes) is widely considered one of the greatest films of all time, and it's now on Netflix. However, it's also one of the hardest to watch, as the subject matter is just so incredibly sad. Liam Neeson stars as Oskar Schindler, a German businessman who effectively saved the lives of over a thousand Jews during the Holocaust by employing them in his factories. Ben Kingsley and Ralph Fiennes also star.
Related: Our 10 Favorite Modern Black and White Movies
7 All the President's Men
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Considering the modern day scandal surrounding the American presidency, there's never been a better time to revisit the 1976 classic All the President's Men on Netflix. Directed by Alan J. Pakula, All the President's Men shines a spotlight on the real story of reporting duo Bob Woodward (Robert Redford) and Carl Bernstein (Dustin Hoffman), whose work helped expose the truth behind the infamous Watergate scandal, and bring down president Richard Nixon. The film earned eight Oscar nominations, winning four.
6 Thor: Ragnarok
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One of the most recent entries into Marvel Studios' MCU canon, director Taika Waititi's Thor: Ragnarok represented a major shift in tone and style from the prior Thor films. Thankfully, this new, sillier version of Thor went over well with the masses, and is an excellent choice for Netflix streaming. Critics also loved it, with the sequel sporting a 92% score on RT. Ragnarok sees Chris Hemsworth's Asgardian hero set out to save his home from Hela (Cate Blanchett), aka the Goddess of Death. Assisting him in this quest are Loki (Tom Hiddleston), the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), and Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson).
5 Rocky
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While all the sequels don't necessarily live up to the greatness of the original, inspirational sports dramas don't really get more inspirational than 1976's Rocky, the movie that made star Sylvester Stallone an icon. Stallone also wrote the script, which concerns small-time boxer Rocky Balboa getting an unexpected shot at world heavyweight champion Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). Rocky would go on to win Best Picture at the Oscars, and give birth to a franchise that still continues via the Creed films. Rocky II through Rocky V are also available on Netflix.
Read More: All 8 Rocky & Creed Movies Ranked: From 1976 To 2018
4 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
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Since 2016, Peter Parker's live-action film incarnation has been swinging under the auspices of Marvel Studios' MCU franchise, but last year, Sony did something outside those bounds, creating an Oscar-winning animated masterpiece called Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Featuring the voice of Shameik Moore as Miles Morales, Into the Spider-Verse sees an experiment ordered by Kingpin go awry, and rip a hole in reality that allows Spider-people from various alternate universes to journey over to Miles' world. It's then up to the group of heroes to close the rift, and get everyone back to the dimension they belong in.
3 Jackie Brown
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The third feature film by director Quentin Tarantino, Jackie Brown is an adaptation of author Elmore Leonard's 1992 novel Rum Punch, and stars blaxploitation legend Pam Grier in the titular role of a stewardess who runs afoul of a crime lord. In many ways a tribute to Grier's classics like Foxy Brown, Jackie Brown's star-studded cast also includes Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton, and Robert De Niro. While not as highly regarded as predecessor Pulp Fiction, critics still loved Jackie Brown, and it’s a prime Netflix pick.
2 Scream
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After ruling the 1980s, the slasher subgenre of horror had fallen off big time by the mid-1990s. That was until director Wes Craven came along in 1996 to revitalize it, just as he had in 1984 with A Nightmare on Elm Street. In addition to being a brutal slasher flick, Scream is also one big love letter to horror fans, taking pleasure in both pointing out the cliches of the genre and still indulging in many of them. Scream is also a damn good murder mystery, keeping the viewer guessing as to the identity of the masked Ghostface killer. Those wanting to binge the franchise are out of luck though, as the only sequel Netflix offers is Scream 4.
1 Star Wars: The Last Jedi
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Easily one of - if not the - most controversial and divisive entries in the entire Star Wars canon among fans, director Rian Johnson's Star Wars: The Last Jedi was nevertheless a huge hit with critics, earning a stellar 91% score on RT. The sequel also earned huge bank at the box office, hauling in over $1.3 billion worldwide, and easily topping the list of the highest-grossing movies of 2017. Whatever one thinks of The Last Jedi, it's impossible to deny that the film is worth a Netflix watch at least once, in order to be part of the ongoing cultural conversation surrounding it.
More: The 25 Best Movies on Hulu Right Now
source https://screenrant.com/netflix-best-films/
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unwritrecipes · 6 years ago
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Secrets of the Southern Table's Savory Sweet Potato and Greens Gratin-Famous Fridays
It’s been one crazy week, hasn’t it?!! So many highs and lows! Can’t jump to the food without acknowledging yet another awful shooting…there are no words. My heart goes out to the victims and their families. When will it all stop?!!
No elegant segue here folks, but since I’m here to cook and talk, that’s what I’m gonna do. Today’s Famous Friday honoree, Virginia Willis, is no stranger to these pages. I’ve featured her terrific Coca-Cola Glazed Wings, this Sweet and Spicy Barbecue Sauce, One-Pan Chicken with Tomatoes and Red Wine Vinegar, Skillet Blackberry Cobbler and most recently this Autumn Pilaf. I can honestly say that I’ve never made anything from any of her cookbooks that hasn’t been downright delicious! And her latest, Secrets of the Southern Table is another winner! It’s a wonderful compilation of stories and time-honored Southern recipes, like this Savory Sweet Potato and Greens Gratin. If you’re looking for a new side to serve this Thanksgiving I guarantee that this gratin will be a huge hit!!
One thing Virginia tries to do (and succeeds) in this new cookbook, is to show how much southern cooking varies from region to region. Even if you know only the teensiest bit about southern cooking styles, you probably know that the cuisine of North Carolina is nothing like that of New Orleans. Think BBQ vs. Cajun—see what I mean? These regional differences make for an eclectic variety of recipes in the book, like Nashville Hot Grilled Chicken (made this and will share soon—we all loved it!), Brussels Sprouts and Benne Seed Coleslaw (doesn’t that sound good?) Apple Cheddar Pancakes, Asian Cajun BBQ Shrimp, Cathead Biscuits and so much more. If you’re looking to incorporate more classic, down-home and unpretentious Southern cooking into your repertoire, this book will be your new best friend.
So let’s get on to this gratin. Don’t you like the sound of that word, gratin? Conjures up all sorts of crunchy topped casserole deliciousness for me. Though a gratin is French in origin, this one has a decidedly southern twist, mostly due to the collard greens. Do you cook with collard greens a lot? I’m embarrassed to admit that I think this may be my very first time!! Yikes! But I know it won’t be my last! I love their slight bitterness and earthiness.
In contrast the sweet potatoes perfectly balance them out—even down to their color!
One thing that is different from other gratins I’ve made before, is that for this one, you make a sort of roux that you pour over the whole shebang before it bakes. You get creaminess that way without adding any sort of cream or milk and that keeps the dish lighter than usual, making it the perfect side for a big meal!
And topping it all, is an irresistible and simple mix of fresh breadcrumbs and parmesan that bakes up golden and crispy. Yum!
Best of all, is that you can definitely make this a day ahead and have it all ready to pop in the oven—or assign it to one of your guests to bring—even easier!!
So, pick up a copy of Secrets of the Southern Table for yourself or that favorite cook in your life (great holiday gift!) and have a yummy, happy and safe weekend. I’ll be back next week with more holiday fare as we get ever closer to the BIG DAY!!
Secrets of the Southern Table’s Savory Sweet Potato and Greens Gratin-Famous Fridays
Makes 8-10 servings
Prep Time: 25 minutes; Bake Time: About 1 hour
Ingredients
3 tablespoons olive oil, divided, plus a bit more to grease the dish
One 16-ounce bag of chopped collard greens or 1 1/2 pound bunch, stems removed and leaves coarsely chopped
6 garlic cloves, minced
Kosher salt and black pepper for seasoning
2 tablespoons flour
1 1/2 cups low-sodium chicken stock
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
About 3 pounds sweet potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
3 tablespoons fresh breadcrumbs (you can use dried ones but it’s so much better with fresh—just whiz bread in a food processor until it turns into breadcrumbs)
2/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
The Recipe
Preheat oven to 400ºF. Pour a little olive oil into a large baking dish and smush it around.
Bring a large pot of salted water to boil. Add the collard greens and cook for 3-5 minutes, until brightly green. Drain in a colander, run with cold water and when cool enough to handle, squeeze out as much water as possible. Set aside.
Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the greens and cook for a minute or two. Then add the garlic and stir well and often for another minute or two—you don’t want the garlic to burn but you do want the greens to wilt a bit. Season with a pinch or two of salt and pepper and transfer to a bowl. Wipe out the pan.
Turn the heat to low and add the remaining 2 tablespoons oil. When oil is shimmering, add the flour and cook, stirring constantly, for about 1 minute, until the mixture is foaming. Using a whisk, add in the stock and stir constantly until mixture is thickened, 2-3 minutes. Add the thyme. Stir well and taste. Season with additional salt and pepper and remove from the heat.
Place half of the sweet potato slices in the prepared baking dish and sprinkle a little salt and pepper over them. Top with the greens and spread out evenly. Then top with the remaining potatoes. Pour the flour mixture over the top evenly to coat the pieces. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for about 45 minutes, until the potatoes are soft when pierced with a knife.
While the casserole is baking, combine the breadcrumbs and Parmesan in a small bowl and season with a pinch of salt and pepper. When potatoes are tender, turn the oven down to 375ºF and remove casserole from oven. Discard foil and sprinkle the breadcrumb mixture evenly across the top. Dot with the butter and return to the oven for another 15-20 minutes until the top is golden brown.
I’m sure you could make this the day before, bring it room temperature and then reheat before serving but you could also assemble it all a day ahead and cover it with foil before any of the baking and chill. Then bring it room temperature and proceed with the rest of the cooking process.
Enjoy!
Note: Recipe adapted from Secrets of the Southern Table by Virginia Willis. I cut the nutmeg and allspice and replaced the thyme leaves with dried thyme. Also left off the paprika from the topping.
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airoasis · 7 years ago
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Nolan on Bledsoe: 'Inspiration matters'
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Marner may move up if van Riemsdyk can’t play
Top 10: NHL bloopers
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Is it time to buy into the Golden Knights?
Ryan on latest broken finger: 'That's all it is, it's bad luck'
Button: Worst time to make a move is when team is struggling
Oiler, Leafs or Sabres – Which rebuild is leading the pack?
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Marner, Martin's joint Halloween costumes get kiboshed
Doan joins NHL's Hockey Ops department
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Senators send Brown back to OHL
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A Pittsburgh reminder: McDavid needs more help
McKenzie: I’m not writing off the Canadiens just yet
Pens D Schultz concussed vs. Oilers
Devils, Golden Knights off to strong starts
CFL
3 Downs: Which version of the Stamps will show up in the playoffs?
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Ruffles Crunch Time: Should Stamps be concerned?
Stamps stay at No. 1, Riders rising in CFL Power Rankings
Durant to make humble return with Alouettes
Lions 3-in-3: How important are final two games of season for Jennings?
Bombers can clinch home playoff game with win over Lions
Final regional CFL/NFL joint flag football event to go in Toronto
Big loss to Riders a wake-up call for Stamps
Banks excelling as receiver under head coach Jones
Carter named top performer on defence
Argos' Wilder staying humble through incredible stretch
Stampeders 3-in-3: Reason to be concerned about Mitchell, offence?
Riders' Carter expected to play both ways Friday against Als
Roughriders 3-in-3: Who should the Riders start against the Alouettes?
Alouettes' president says franchise not for sale
Riders sign LaBatte to four-year extension
Redblacks' Sinopoli out for season with shoulder injury
CFL Fantasy: Tiger-Cats' Banks is open
NFL
Newton exits news conference in frustration
Browns rookie Garrett in concussion protocol
Redskins seek to fix offensive woes
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Weatherspoon back for 3rd stint with Falcons
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Game of Throws: Wentz enters the MVP discussion
Raiders WR Cooper downplays big game
Contenders look to separate from pretenders in Week 8
The origins of Gurley's signature hurdle
NFL expects Kaepernick invite to next players' meeting
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Kuechly returns to practice, might play vs Bucs
Steelers' Bryant says he'll be benched against Lions
Report: Chargers send WR Inman to Bears
NFL Trade Deadline: Which players could be on the move
Discord in Giants organization over Eli
Prater signs 3-year extension with Lions
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Cardinals' Arians refutes retirement report
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Report: Ex-Hawk Smith to sign with Pelicans
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Stephen A. says Magic is a better PG than LeBron
Nolan on Bledsoe: 'Motivation matters'
Giannis joins MJ, Bo, Tyson as stars with freakish talent
Wolves rule Butler out for second straight game
Cavs' Wade sidelined with bruised knee
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Parker practicing with Spurs' G League team
LeBron plays point, scores 34 as Cavs beat Bulls
Report: Davis' knee has no structural damage
Griffin, Beverley power Clippers past Jazz
Struggles continue as Knicks crushed by Celtics
Gordon scores career-high 41 in Magic's win
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DeRozan (thigh) misses practice
Oladipo, Pacers scorch Timberwolves
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FOLLOW LIVE: Astros, Dodgers underway from Los Angeles
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Fresh faces Correa, Altuve, Bellinger in World Series
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Whitecaps headline TSN's MLS Playoffs knockout round coverage
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Inter tops Samp to go top
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Ronaldo wins 2017 FIFA best player award
Sarachan to coach US for exhibition at Portugal
Whitecaps confidence high despite disappointing end to regular season
TFC sets MLS points record with draw against Atlanta United
MLS All-Star Game headed to Atlanta in 2018
Whitecaps confidence high despite disappointing end to regular season
Timbers beat Whitecaps to take Western title
Dzemaili says Switzerland in tough against Northern Ireland
Everton fires manager Koeman
Managing director Schmadtke leaves Cologne
AC Milan's Bonucci issued 2-match ban
NCAA
AP Top 25: Notre Dame cracks top 10; Michigan drops out
College football provides a little clarity in Week 8
No. 2 Nittany Lions handle Michigan to stay perfect
No. 4 TCU coast to win as Kansas ties NCAA road loss mark
No. 1 Alabama routs struggling rival Tennessee
No. 8 Miami survives Syracuse test, beats Orange
No. 13 Notre Dame hammers No. 11 USC
NCAA: UNC 7, (14) Virginia Tech 59
NCAA: Indiana 9, (18) Michigan State 17
Mayfield, Anderson lead Sooners past K-State
No. 10 Oklahoma St. picks off Texas in OT to seal win
Pitino fired amid federal investigation
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TSN Original: “The Mind of GSP”– Trailer
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Torres, Waterson added to UFC 218 card
Aldo, Lamas rematch to co-main in Winnipeg
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White: 'We pulled most of this together in three days'
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Bisping lets loose on St-Pierre
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Del Potro beats Sousa in quest for third Basel title
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Federer beats Tiafoe in at hometown Basel event
Sock rallies to beat Pospisil at Swiss Indoors
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Shapovalov through to 2nd round of Swiss Indoors
Top-ranked Halep beats Garcia at WTA Finals
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Raonic's season over due to ongoing injuries
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Mladenovic, Vandeweghe lose Kremlin Cup openers
Canada's Marino to return to competition after five-year absence
Sharapova loses to Rybarikova at Kremlin Cup
Federer beats Nadal to win Shanghai Masters
Sharapova wins first title since doping ban
Nadal withdraws from Swiss Indoors next week
Serena plans to defend Australian title
Nadal reaches Shanghai quarters
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Fortunes can change quickly in the world of golf
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Typhoon, visa flap send Kuchar's schedule into rough
Pebble Beach to host first Women's US Open in 2023
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Tiger posts another video of him on the course
Garcia wins Andalucia Valderrama Masters
Langer eagles final hole to win in Richmond
Woods cleared to resume full golf activities
Bump & Run: Season 2 - Episode 23
Expectations rising for du Toit
PGA Tour event moving to Kentucky
Ko clinches 1st LPGA Tour victory on home soil
Perez wins CIMB Classic by four strokes
Park shares lead with Kim, Lee in Korea
Price, Montgomerie, Kelly share Tour Champions lead
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Hockey Canada
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Labonte sees great development in Canadian goalies
Canada's women's team falls to U.S. in pre-Olympic matchup
Bonhomme: Coyne, Decker and Knight overpower Team Canada
Davidson discusses challenges of assembling Olympic roster
66 players chosen to represent Canada at 2017 World Under-17 Hockey Challenge
Renney discusses Canada's Olympic expectations
Olympic gold medalist Watchorn announces retirement
IIHF release Olympic hockey schedule
Canadian women's forward Campbell retires from international play
Olympian Labonte retires from women's hockey
Hockey Canada contacts Doan and Iginla for Olympics
Regina hockey legend Tuer dies at 87
McBain leads Canada over Czechs to win Ivan Hlinka
Canada beats Sweden to advance to Ivan Hlinka final
Canada rolls over Finland at Ivan Hlinka
Russia edges Canada at Sochi Hockey Open
Canada falls to Russia to open Ivan Hlinka
Curling
WCT Recap: Edin defends at Champery, Roth surprises at Canad Inns
Big names highlight field at men's Road to the Roar Pre-Trials
Anybody's game at women's Road to the Roar in Summerside
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Canada takes silver at mixed curling worlds
Brier to be held in Brandon in 2019
WCT/CCT Recap: Gushue, Homan just keep on winning
Mourning the passing of Ray Turnbull
WCT/CCT Recap: World champions Gushue, Homan victorious
Canada to face Brazil for men's worlds curling berth
WCT Recap: Gunnlaugson, Tippin, Englot pick up wins
WCT Recap: Jacobs, Sinclair take home Shorty Jenkins
What you need to know for the women's curling season
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Curling worlds to stay in Canada until 2020
Gushue downs Walstad to claim Tour Challenge
WCT/CCT Recap: Tirinzoni defends Stu Sells title
Team Gushue captures Everest Curling Challenge
Curling Canada expands Olympic pre-trials field
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usnewsaggregator-blog · 7 years ago
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Sports calendar, Nov. 24-26
New Post has been published on http://usnewsaggregator.com/sports-calendar-nov-24-26/
Sports calendar, Nov. 24-26
http://www.sfgate.com/sports/article/Sports-calendar-Nov-24-26-12380280.php
Published 10:00 pm, Thursday, November 23, 2017
College basketball
Men
8a
Missouri vs. St. John’s ESPNews
9a
Villanova vs. Northern Iowa ESPN2
10:30a
Wooden Legacy semifinal:
St. Mary’s vs. Washington State ESPNews
11a
Tennessee vs. N.C. State ESPN2
Noon
Seattle at Washington P12Net
Noon
PK80 consolation: TBD vs. Portland State ESPNU
12:30p
PK80 semifinal: North Carolina vs. Arkansas ESPN
1:30p
Eastern Michigan at Indiana BigTen
2p
AdvoCare Invitational semifinal: Teams TBD ESPN2
2:30p
Las Vegas Invitational: Xavier vs. TBD Channel: 2 Channel: 40
2:30p
PK80 semifinal: Duke vs. TBD ESPN
4p
Wooden Legacy semifinal:
Teams TBD ESPN2
4p
New Mexico vs. TCU CBSSN
4p
Winthrop at Auburn SECNet
4:30p
NIT Season Tip-Off championship: Virginia vs. TBD ESPNU
5p
Eastern Washington at Utah P12Net
5p
Las Vegas Invitational third-place game: George Washington vs. TBD FS1
6p
PK80: Teams TBD ESPN2
6p
Pepperdine at Texas A&M SECNet
6p
UW-Milwaukee at Wisconsin BigTen
6:30p
St. Bonaventure vs. Maryland CBSSN
6:30p
PK80: Teams TBD ESPNU
6:45p
NIT Season Tip-Off third-place game: Vanderbilt vs. TBD ESPNews
8p
PK80: Teams TBD ESPN2
9p
PK80: Teams TBD ESPN
Women
Noon
Indiana vs. Alabama-Birmingham, at St. Mary’s
2p
UC Santa Barbara at St. Mary’s
2p
Manhattan at Cal
4p
Missouri vs. Coppin State, at Cal
College football
8:30a
Western Michigan at Toledo ESPNU
9a
Miami at Pittsburgh Channel: 7 Channel: 10 (680)
9a
Navy at Houston ESPN
9a
Northern Illinois at Central Michigan CBSSN
9a
Baylor at TCU FS1
11:30a
Missouri at Arkansas Channel: 5 Channel: 13 Channel: 46
12:30p
South Florida at Central Florida Channel: 7 Channel: 10
12:30p
New Mexico at San Diego State CBSSN
1p
Iowa at Nebraska FS1
5p
Texas Tech at Texas Channel: 2 Channel: 40
5p
Virginia Tech at Virginia ESPN
7:30p
Cal at UCLA FS1 (810)
Golf
5p
APGA: Australian Open GolfCh.
10p
PGA Europe: Hong Kong Open GolfCh.
Horse racing
12:45p
Golden Gate Fields
NBA
5p
Charlotte at Cleveland NBATV
7:30p
Chicago at Warriors NBCSBA (95.7)
NHL
10a
Pittsburgh at Boston Channel: 11 Channel: 3 Channel: 8
2p
Tampa Bay at Washington NHLNet
3p
Sharks at Vegas NBCSCA (98.5)
Soccer
Noon
EPL: Leicester City at
West Ham United NBCSN
2p
NCAA women’s tournament:
Penn State at Stanford P12Net
Tennis
5a
Davis Cup final: Belgium at France TennisCh.
College basketball
Men
4p
Emerald Coast Classic championship: Teams TBD CBSSN
5p
Boston College at Providence FS1
Women
Noon
Cal Classic consolation game:
Teams TBD, at Cal
Noon
UC Santa Barbara vs. Alabama-Birmingham, at St. Mary’s
2p
Cal Classic championship game: Teams TBD, at Cal
2p
Indiana at St. Mary’s
College football
9a
Ohio State at Michigan Channel: 2 Channel: 40 (680)
9a
Georgia at Georgia Tech Channel: 7 Channel: 10
9a
Florida State at Florida ESPN
9a
Indiana at Purdue ESPN2
9a
East Carolina at Memphis ESPNU
9a
Connecticut at Cincinnati ESPNews
9a
Kansas at Oklahoma State FS1
9a
Tulane at SMU CBSSN
9a
Louisville at Kentucky SECNet
9:20a
Boston College at Syracuse Channel: 20
12:30p
Alabama at Auburn Channel: 5 Channel: 13 Channel: 46
12:30p
Wisconsin at Minnesota Channel: 7 Channel: 10
12:30p
Iowa State at Kansas State ESPN2
12:30p
Penn State at Maryland BigTen
12:30p
Boise State at Fresno State CBSSN
12:45p
West Virginia at Oklahoma ESPN
1p
Michigan State at Rutgers Channel: 2 Channel: 40
1p
Northwestern at Illinois FS1
1p
Temple at Tulsa ESPNews
1p
Vanderbilt at Tennessee SECNet
1:30p
Arizona at Arizona State P12Net
2p
Wyoming at San Jose State (1590)
2p
Grambling State vs. Southern NBCSN
4p
Oregon State at Oregon ESPN2
4:30p
Clemson at South Carolina ESPN
4:30p
Texas-San Antonio at Louisiana Tech ESPNU
4:30p
Texas A&M at LSU SECNet
5p
Notre Dame at Stanford Channel: 7 Channel: 10 (1050)
5p
Washington at Washington State Channel: 2 Channel: 40
6p
BYU at Hawaii CBSSN
7p
Colorado at Utah FS1
7:30p
Utah State at Air Force ESPN2
Figure skating
1p
Skate America Channel: 11 Channel: 3 Channel: 8
6p
Skate America NBCSN
Golf
5p
APGA: Australian Open GolfCh.
10p
PGA Europe: Hong Kong Open GolfCh.
Horse racing
12:45p
Golden Gate Fields
Motor sports
5a
F1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix qualifying NBCSN
NBA
5p
New York at Houston NBATV
5:30p
New Orleans at Warriors NBCSBA (95.7)
NHL
4p
Washington at Toronto NHLNet
7p
Winnipeg at Sharks NBCSCA (98.5)
Soccer
6:30a
Bundesliga: Schalke at Dortmund FS1
7a
EPL: Brighton at Manchester United NBCSN
7a
EPL: West Bromwich at Tottenham CNBC
9:30a
EPL: Chelsea at Liverpool Channel: 11 Channel: 3 Channel: 8
Tennis
5a
Davis Cup final: Belgium at France TennisCh.
Volleyball
7p
Women: Stanford at Cal P12BA
College basketball
9a
Orlando tournament third-place game: Teams TBD ESPNU
10a
PK80: third-place game: Teams TBD ESPN or ESPN2
10a
PK80 fifth-place game: Teams TBD ESPN or ESPN2
11:15a
Orlando tournament fifth-place game: Teams TBD ESPNU
12:15p
PK80 third-place game: Teams TBD ESPN or ESPN2
12:15p
PK80 fifth-place game: Teams TBD ESPN or ESPN2
1p
Air Force at Colorado P12Net
1p
UC Riverside at Michigan FS1
2p
Wooden Legacy third-place game: Teams TBD ESPNU
2p
Temple at La Salle NBCSN
3p
UC Irvine at UCLA P12Net
3p
Illinois-Chicago at Kentucky SECNet
4p
PK80 seventh-place game: Teams TBD ESPNU
5p
UC Davis at Washington P12Net
5:30p
PK80 championship: Teams TBD ESPN
6:30p
AdvoCare Invitational championship: Teams TBD ESPN2
6:30p
PK80 seventh-place game: Teams TBD ESPNU
7p
Texas A&M at USC P12Net
7:30p
PK80 championship: Teams TBD ESPN
9p
Wooden Legacy championship: Teams TBD ESPN2
Figure skating
1p
Skate America Channel: 11 Channel: 3 Channel: 8
Football
10a
NFL: Buffalo at Kansas City Channel: 5 Channel: 13 Channel: 46
10a
NFL: Chicago at Philadelphia (1050)
1p
NFL: Seattle at 49ers Channel: 2 Channel: 40 (680,107.7)
1:25p
NFL: Denver at Raiders Channel: 5 Channel: 13 Channel: 46 (95.7,98.5,102.9)
3p
CFL: Grey Cup championship: Calgary vs. Toronto ESPN2
5:30p
NFL: Green Bay at Pittsburgh Channel: 11 Channel: 3 Channel: 8 (1050)
Horse racing
12:45p
Golden Gate Fields
Motor sports
4:30a
F1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix NBCSN
NHL
2p
Edmonton at Boston NHLNet
Skiing
10a
World Cup: women’s slalom Channel: 11 Channel: 3 Channel: 8
Soccer
6a
EPL: Arsenal at Burnley CNBC
6:30a
Bundesliga: Hoffenheim at Hamburg FS1
8a
EPL: Manchester City at Huddersfield NBCSN Channel: 48
9a
Bundesliga: Berlin at Köln FS1
5p
NCAA men’s tournament:
Coastal Carolina at Stanford
Tennis
4:30a
Davis Cup final: Belgium at France TennisCh.
4p
WTA: Hawaii Open final:
Players TBD TennisCh.
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theblacktivity-blog · 8 years ago
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Trap Music: Made In America.
Somewhere in America particularly down in the south where the relatively new metallic skyline cities are situated among rural landscapes more representative of the Dixie past, you hear it. In the shadows of old Jim Crow and the haunting echoes of freedom hymns, “Bloody Sunday” chaos, Chattahoochee river ghost whistles, and the collective sound of thousands of marching feet, there have been stories brewing. They explode into spinning tunes like the combustible elements of fire and petrol, a combination most comparative to the south’s inner city blues, where the poverty is further exacerbated by the structural residue of the past and its very evident present. If northern poverty and “ghetto” life is most represented by the overcrowded high rise project tenements, then from Virginia (mid-Atlantic), Tennessee, to the Carolinas, to the streets and backways of Georgia and Florida, to Alabama, Missouri, down to the Mississippi delta this same struggle is embodied in the dilapidated shacks of houses and public housing low rises that line blocks and side streets in poor Black communities. The same can be said about life down in Louisiana’s bayous and the dry heat of Texas where places such as lower 9th Ward, 7th Ward, 8th Ward, 3rd Ward, Calliope and Magnolia have become household names, small contained worlds known for their infamy. In Texas and particularly in Houston, areas such as Cloverdale, Sunnyside, 3rd Ward, and 5th Ward hold that distinction. It is the state of Georgia however, and the black metropolis of Atlanta particularly, that in the mind of many outsiders embodies the collective southern idiosyncrasies in much the way that foreigners view places like New York, Chicago, or Los Angeles as snapshots of America. One such characteristic can be heard thundering through such aforementioned neighborhood archetypes. It’s a raging noise, an ominous symphony of cinematic strings layered underneath grimy, rhythmic snares and a pounding bass often heard for blocks from out of houses and the pulsating trunks of whips of all type, including the classic cars known in southern hoods as the “trap car”. Woven within the instrumental tempest are lyric patterns that have over time become known and mimicked by everyone, but are best known and felt by the souls on these harsh streets. Young Black men and women with distant looks move about the blocks, corners, and porches speaking (some through golden grilles) an ingenious form of homemade patois that could best be described as a hard-lined defiance of what the so-called white world considers “respectable” language. Others can sometimes be seen fixing a sharp gaze from wherever their post on passersby. And if one is not intimately familiar with the isolation of the hood that sometimes breeds curiosity at anything or anyone unfamiliar, suspicious, or new, then one could mistake these stares for “aggression”. These Black men and women who have been effectively cycled into structural poverty by the forces of old and new Jim Crow and forced to survive in the underground economy are in a sense, trapped. Thus, the name for the projects as well as the distressed and condemned properties in and around poor, mostly Black neighborhoods is, the trap. It’s aptly named, a place marked by something of an organized dysfunction in which many African Americans find themselves in such a whirlwind of structural inequality, crime, and poverty that for many, they are faced with adult choices sometimes before they reach puberty. These are decisions that often come down to the difference between a full and empty stomach, a warm bed and a piece of a roof or eviction, but in many cases, it is the difference between having and not having. The only recourse that appears to be left in such a bleak environment are the confines of the drug game where one is dealt an institutionally crafted deck of cards between eventual death, prison, or addiction. Traps are at once black market versions of Wall Street with its own set of financial and moral principles, grounded in an ethos that is both organically street and, if one is honest, fundamentally American. If America has been described by most (typically white) people as a place where one must “pull themselves up by the bootstraps” then not only does trap culture and the people of it embody this, they excel past this expectation by creating boots that were not given to them, good, bad, right, or wrong. In the trap, they have another saying for this red blooded American philosophy “hold your own nuts”.  To be sure this is not at all a promotion of drug culture (I’m sure someone will attempt to make that a “counter-argument”) just a valid point because these are the same people and neighborhoods that are demonized in so-called “mainstream American culture”. If one is lucky enough, and by “lucky” I mean blessed by nothing other than the grace of the Almighty and manages to somehow escape the mortuary, an 8 by 8, or the catacombs of the living that are the trap houses or ‘bandos’ (abandoned houses) then for many, the next logical step is to breathe life into your survival story, this is the genesis from which trap music is born.
The term “trap” has its roots in deep in the pines of Georgia where groups such as Outkast, Goodie Mob, and Organized Noise utilized their twangy colloquial gymnastics to pull listeners into a southern world that up until that point had been ignored by the larger hip hop world. This was the mid 90’s and rap music while seen as a young force in popular culture at the time, was still in its growth mode. Furthermore, at this moment the hip hop world was divided along the lines of two coast; east and west. The east was the birthplace of the art form originating in the Bronx in the late 70’s, but during this time New York hip hop found itself in a state of flux with the rising dominance of west coast hip hop. That is, until a larger than life Brooklyn bred MC by the name of The Notorious B.I.G. hit the scene assumed the mantle of the east’s savior. Aforementioned was the west coast which had come to prominence in the late 80’s on the wings of the all-star Compton group known as N.W.A. With tracks that were at once gangster and politically conscious impressing upon the public mind life in the gang war and corrupt cop infested city of Compton, they were the founders of so-called “gangster rap”. But with internal differences in the group that eventually lead to it dissolving and the double blow of founder Eazy-E’s death resulting from complications with AIDS, that movement that N.W.A would have to continue, but elsewise. Simultaneously coming to acclaim around this time was the label known as Death Row, of which former N.W.A. producer and co-founder Dr. Dre would join at the behest of infamous founder Suge Knight. The label would essentially run the 90’s west coast hip hop scene and eventually all of hip hop when they went on to sign superstar rapper Tupac Shakur during his bid in prison. With both Tupac and Biggie at the height of their careers carrying the torch for the east and west respectively, hip hop appeared to be in relatively good hands. But a split between the former friends that occurred before Tupac’s prison bid (for trumped up charges of sodomy and sexual abuse) involving a shooting in which Tupac was shot 5 times essentially brought about a cloud of negativity. Tupac had rumored the shooting to be a setup on the part of Biggie, Bad Boy, and Junior M.A.F.I.A affiliates (a rumor for which he had no proof) and Biggie outraged by the rumor that he would turn on a former friend, always maintained his innocence of such charges. But as is common in the world of entourages, and media, the strain would be exacerbated by outside forces leading to a violent atmosphere that eventually culminated in both the deaths of Tupac in 1996 and The Notorious B.I.G. in 1998. With two of hip hop’s brightest stars gone within only 6 months of each other, the rap world was not only in a state of fear but one of disarray. Who would carry the mantle for each coast now? Was the so-called “east coast vs west coast” war worth it? Was it even created by the now deceased musical giants who were now mere memories of what was and what could’ve been? Needless to say, these questions and many more swirled in the minds of fans and MC’s alike and hip hop entered an era of reflection. The beat didn’t stop, but it did slow down, and it did so just enough for an unforeseen region to come up in the game…the south.
Southern hip hop can trace its root back to the 1980’s when a certain Houston, Texas trio you might have heard of known as The Geto Boys hit the scene with their break out underground album “Grip It! On That Other Level” in 1989. In 1990 the group would go on to be produced by Def Jam co-founder Rick Rubin for two more albums 1990’s eponymous “The Geto Boys” and 1991’s “We Can’t Be Stopped”. This would be the rap world’s earliest known successful foray into the land and experiences of their “country” cousins. At a time in hip hop where the south was overshadowed by both of its more famed coasts and most associated with Black music’s blues and jazz driven past such classics while met with acclaim didn’t at that time move the needle on a national level the way it would in subsequent decades. In a sense, southern rappers found themselves victims of a benign musical neglect that was at once the result of geographic placement that paled in comparison to places like New York and Los Angeles. Not to mention there was a view of southern rappers held by some which in many ways was indicative of a larger cultural schism that has always existed between the urban and the rural in this country. Southern MC’s and southern music was thought by many east coast hip hop fans and MC’s to be a “slow” and a “less sophisticated” form of hip hop. Some on the west had similar thoughts, though to a lesser degree because much of the west coast sound in ‘g-funk’ derived from samples of southern based funk, and blues records (hell, so did much of hip hop’s over all sound catalogue!). Nevertheless, the south trudged on and on the heels of the success of The Geto Boys, another Houston duo in the persons of Bun-B and the late Pimp-C formed UGK or Underground Kingz an apt name not only attributable to the duo’s regional success, but a telling view of how many MC’s in the south garnered fame despite not having access to the major labels of the east and west coast.  For many southern MC’s the claim to fame was a gritty hustler’s mentality that lead one from homemade studios, to pressing up CD’s and selling them out of the trunks of cars, to building direct relationships with famed local and regional club owners and radio DJ’s. It was an ingenious device that not only cultivated music business savvy that would yield future dividends, but was based on a genuine feeling amongst southern music figure’s outside of MC’s that the south needed to stick together if it was to succeed. Among the many hallowed grounds of the southern rapper’s sojourn to stardom was the strip club culture. Today, Atlanta is known as hip hop’s strip club capital, the scene of many a money shower and underground artist breakout. But originally Miami held that distinction if for no other reason but the “Miami Bass” sound and the fathers of that sound, the 69 Boyz led by the one and only Uncle Luke aka Luther Campbell. The hard driving fast paced bass heavy sonic modes over top of which could be heard the raunchiest lyrics then known to mankind drew such shock and awe, everyone from politicians to the FBI stepped in. The 69 Boyz represented not only Miami’s night and club life but they ushered in an idiom of southern hip hop that later generations of MC’s would easily be able to trace back to them, that of party culture woven into street culture. By the 1990’s ATL had become the dominant force in southern rap on the heels of the major label and Grammy winning success of Outkast. Everything that Outkast touched or was associated with was also considered golden. So, collaborations with groups such as Organized Noise, Goodie Mob, and the extended Dungeon Family brought those groups and the artist that made them up to mainstream prominence. It was from the point of departure that the A wouldn’t let up. But meanwhile in “the dirty”, the game was taking on another phase, the rise of independent homegrown labels. In cities like New Orleans and Memphis the rise of labels born out of the street hustling grit and determination of their founders began to take shape in a way that would change hip hop forever. The first major independent southern hip hop label to come to prominence was No Limit Records. Fueled by the former hustler and record store owner Percy Miller aka Master P, the New Orleans based label epitomized what would formulate the basis for the subgenre of southern hip hop that would come to known as “trap” rap. With production from heavyweights such as KLC and Beats By The Pound, Master P, & his lengthy roster of artist wove tales of a dark sort that exposed the consequences of poverty in the south in grim detail. His debut album, “Ice Cream Man” was and ode to the life of drug dealing with all its ups, downs, and penalties. Gang banging as a means of filling the vacuous space left by missing family ties, taped off murder’s scenes, and the schism between right and wrong that haunts the souls of those in “the life”, were just some of the themes that were encapsulated in between dark, hard charging, bass heavy beats. With the release of the movie “I’m Bout It” (which is one of the first southern hip hop cult gangster films) these ills as wells and more (such as police corruption) were brought to life in the on the screen, and with this south and its underbelly had officially arrived on hip hop’s radar. Yet and still other independent labels arose. Still in New Orleans, crosstown rival label Cash Money Records burst on the scene to national acclaim in the late 90’s and early 2000’s after having been a regional powerhouse since 1989. Founded by Ronald “Slim” Williams and Brian “Baby aka Birdman” Williams, the label came to success with artist such as Juvenile, B.G, Turk, and of course Lil’Wayne. On the success of Juvenile’s platinum selling album “400 Degreez” the label spun similar tales of life as “soldiers” on the south’s mean streets. The label also put out collaborative projects with all artist at the helm with the rapping quartet “The Hot Boys” and Cash Money producer and DJ Mannie Fresh and Baby formed the “Big Tymers”. Cash Money was responsible for more than invoking the gritty tales of the New Orleans streets however, they were the southern brand responsible for the single most used phrase in the hip hop lexicon at that time, “bling bling”. This was a term born from The Hot Boys 1999 hit single of the same name and was not only slang for diamonds, but a lifestyle born out of the spoils of surviving (if one did) the wars of the streets. “Flossing” was the hood’s version of the American dream, a mountain top experience of sorts that was the earthly equivalent to heaven achieved not thanks to America…but despite it. Meanwhile in Memphis, Tennessee, southern hip hop took on a somewhat darker tone as the independent label Hypnotize Minds founded by DJ Paul, Juciy J, and their group “Three Six Mafia”, brought a “horror” style of rap to the fore of the south’s signature sound. Dark, grimy beats and even darker lyrics painted a picture of an almost Dante-esque landscape: one of poverty, violence, and inner torture. Even more, with its vast array of artist many of whom were women, the label was one of the first to showcase non-token female southern rappers which gave voice to the female MC’s and their stories. Critics (and I was among them at the time) continued to rave that this form of hip hop was nothing more than debauchery, a perverse form of the art that was seeking to capitalize on the southern wave and the voids that the rap world was still reeling from. However, in retrospect one can easily draw a line from the lyrical atmosphere of N.W.A (which was also considered perverse at a point) and the lyrics of southern dope boy and gangster rappers. The world may not have liked the twang with which the MC’s flowed dark melodies into the ether, but we were nonetheless exposed to the common result’s born when structural mayhem breeds the desperate need for survival. In the earlier half of the new millennium as if Atlanta wasn’t already a force of “Dirty South” hip hop, a slew of game changing artist graced the scene, ensuring that southern rap would not be reminisced as a fad. Artist and groups as diverse as T.I., Young Jeezy, and Gucci Mane would storm both the mixtape circuit and mainstream delivering stirring tales broadcasted live from the streets of Atlanta. But it would be rapper T.I. who would bring the term “trap music” to the world lexicon in the form of his sophomore album “Trap Muzik”. It would be from this point of departure that subsequent rappers, trappers (hustlers or drug dealers) and trappers turned rappers would bleed the pain of years of struggle into melodic street college for your temple. More than just the braggadocio and so-called “simple” lyricism the it was often wrongly deconstructed into, clear rhymes over beats that were more soundtrack than car music gave (and still gives) the listener the feeling of being in there. Whether in the steaming kitchen of a trap house where the bleak atmosphere steals one’s innocence and forces him or her into an adulthood with a predictable end, at the funeral or trail of a fallen comrade, or between the diamond districts and strip clubs celebrating victory (however brief) you were forced to concede that the trap is laid everywhere. In the decade, plus since trap music has hit the scene many of the aforementioned artist have gone on to become household names with holdings in other businesses outside of hip hop, making Forbes list and of course tearing up charts. What began as hip hop’s version of “the other white meat” has now become the sound associated with today’s “mainstream” hip hop in general. This is just as much due to the producers who laid the ground work for the genre as much as the MC’s. Lex Luger (considered by many to be the father of the sound), DJ Toomp, Fatboi, Shawty Red, Drumma Boy, and Zaytoven just to name a few. Not only this, but the lyricism, depth, and complexity of many the south’s best had long been overlooked due the colloquial nature of their wordplay, but one would be hard pressed for instance, to name many albums that could hold a flame to classic’s such as “Trap Muzik” or “TM: 103”. Some would counter however that for every great trap rapper, group, or album, that there is some garbage the thwarts the whole movement. I would say that is the critics version of cutting of your nose despite your face. The very same thing could be said for any genre of music from any coast at any period (remember MC Hammer?). The game is now elevated, southern hip hop and trap music not only brought us into a world ignored, it opened the doors proving that artist from anywhere could succeed with a real story, right hustle, and a knocking production team. It is also a thumbing of the nose at so-called mainstream America’s version of the “American Dream”. However articulated or not, it isn’t lost upon those in the lifestyle and in the music that the system as it is in this country toward Blacks, has its origin’s out of southern pines and red clay roads, upon which many of their ancestors stood on auction blocks. Some would say that trap rap itself doesn’t do the continuing struggle any justice with its promotion of a dangerous life, and certainly there are many things left to be desired in the art-form. But at its most basic level trap rapper are the ones who made it out of the traps laid and who have forged a new life in an America whose sole desire was to destroy them. It was best summed up by Kanye West: “We wasn’t supposed to make it past 25/Jokes on you we still alive/throw yo hands up in the sky and say/we don’t care what people say!”.
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junker-town · 8 years ago
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NCAA bracket predictions 2017: Picking winners with mascots
What would happen if instead of basketball teams the 68 teams in the 2017 NCAA Tournament fielded a team of their mascots for a 40-minute hoops battle? Let’s find out.
The 2017 NCAA men’s Division I basketball tournament begins Tuesday with the play-in games, followed by the field of 64 tipping off Thursday. March Madness is college basketball at its best.
But what if it were not?
What if instead of finely tuned student-athletes the 68 colleges invited to the Big Dance fielded teams of whatever it is these teams call themselves. What if instead of Harry Giles, Grayson Allen and Jayson Tatum, Duke had a team of actual Blue Devils? Would those Blue Devils beat Troy University’s team of Trojans? I am skeptical!
What follows is a highly unscientific breakdown of which university would win a tournament in which a team of its mascots compete in basketball. The ground rules:
We’re not specifically using the costumed mascots as the official representation for the teams — come on, those are college kids in giant sweltering suits — but instead a generic representation based on the team name. Instead of running five cartoonish jayhawks with human legs and arms out there, Kansas will instead field a squad of actual jayhawks. (Needless to say, animal-based teams aren’t going to fare particularly well here.)
For confusing team monikers, however, we will look to the mascot for guidance.
We will also not outright disqualify teams for carrying unallowed weapons or wearing unsanctioned body armor. They just can’t use those as intended without being called for fouls. I mean, obviously.
Let’s go.
Photo by Lance King/Getty Images
FIRST FOUR
North Carolina Central EAGLES vs. UC Davis AGGIES
“Aggie” is a generic mascot for agriculture-based land grant schools like UC Davis. So we turn to Davis’ actual mascot for a guidance. He is Gunrock, a horse. I am not convinced either a team of eagles or a team of horses would score in a basketball game, but I’m willing to give the nod to the team that can conceivably hoist a ball above the hoop and drop it in.
WINNER: N.C. Central Eagles
Mount Saint Mary’s MOUNTAINEERS vs. New Orleans PRIVATEERS
Ooh, this is a good match-up. Mountaineers are gritty and strong, and would dominate in endurance sports. Privateers engage in actual warfare. Basketball is in no way war, thankfully.
WINNER: Mount Saint Mary’s Mountaineers
Kansas State WILDCATS vs. Wake Forest DEMON DEACONS
I’m not sure Satanic priests are the best basketball players available, but wildcats don’t have thumbs or the ability to understand the rules of the game.
WINNER: Wake Forest Demon Deacons
Providence FRIARS vs. USC TROJANS
Friars don’t even have the benefit of fealty to Beelzebub. Bad draw here as they face legendary warriors in lieu of animals.
WINNER: USC Trojans
Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images
FIRST ROUND
Kansas JAYHAWKS vs. N.C. Central EAGLES
I just learned today that the jayhawk isn’t even a real bird. Go N.C. Central.
WINNER: N.C. Central Eagles
Miami HURRICANES vs. Michigan State SPARTANS
Well, this is going to get messy. Let’s institute a special rule: the baskets are impervious to high wind and there is a force field around the court so we don’t have foreign objects (other than the ball and, uh, Spartans) flying around. The hurricanes are as likely to sink an errant basket for MSU as they are to sink one of their own. They are not sentient!
WINNER: Michigan State Spartans
Iowa State CYCLONES vs. Nevada WOLFPACK
Same weather-related rules apply for this stirring battle. This is a disaster of a match-up. Iowa State blows it with an errant basket in quadruple overtime.
WINNER: Nevada Wolfpack
Purdue BOILERMAKERS vs. Vermont CATAMOUNTS
I don’t imagine the people who make boilers are particularly adept at playing basketball, but at least they are not cats.
WINNER: Purdue Boilermakers
Creighton BLUEJAYS vs. Rhode Island RAMS
Are bluejays clever? They are small, but they can get a ball in the air if they are clever. Let’s hope they are clever.
WINNER: Creighton Bluejays
Oregon DUCKS vs. Iona GAELS
I don’t believe ducks to be clever. Ireland is not known for producing excellent basketballers, but as Gaels are Gaellic-speaking people, they are indeed people, so they move on.
WINNER: Iona Gaels
Michigan WOLVERINES vs. Oklahoma State COWBOYS
In a fight to the death, this might be interesting. But in a game of basketball, there is no contest.
WINNER: Oklahoma State Cowboys
Louisville CARDINALS vs. Jacksonville State GAMECOCKS
Gamecocks are fighting roosters. As interesting as that may be, cardinals can, uh, fly.
WINNER: Louisville Cardinals
Gonzaga BULLDOGS vs. South Dakota State JACKRABBITS
This is untenable.
WINNER: South Dakota State Jackrabbits
Northwestern WILDCATS vs. Vanderbilt COMMODORES
Another loss for wildcats. When will colleges get the picture? WILDCATS ARE BAD AT SPORTS.
WINNER: Vanderbilt Commodores
Notre Dame FIGHTING IRISH vs. Princeton TIGERS
Ireland is coming up huge in the tournament this year.
WINNER: Notre Dame Fighting Irish
West Virginia MOUNTAINEERS vs. Bucknell BISON
Mountaineers will get buckets and then treat themselves to some bison jerky.
WINNER: West Virginia Mountaineers
Maryland TERRAPINS vs. Xavier MUSKETEERS
There may be no animal in the tournament less equipped to play basketball than the turtles.
WINNER: Xavier Musketeers
Florida State SEMINOLES vs. Florida Gulf Coast EAGLES
No one wants to meet the Seminoles in this tournament.
WINNER: Florida State Seminoles
Saint Mary’s GAELS vs. VCU RAMS
The rise of the Irish!
WINNER: Saint Mary’s Gaels
Arizona WILDCATS vs. North Dakota FIGHTING HAWKS
Not just any hawks, mind you.
WINNER: North Dakota Fighting Hawks
Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images
North Carolina TAR HEELS vs. Texas Southern TIGERS
A “Tar Heel” is actually just a person from North Carolina. UNC’s teams could be 12 Michael Jordans, or one Michael Jordan, six Andy Griffiths, a couple of John Coltranes, a Thelonious Monk, a James Polk and a Catfish Hunter (coached by Roy Williams). I’m taking the Heels very far in this bracket.
WINNER: North Carolina Tar Heels
Arkansas RAZORBACKS vs. Seton Hall PIRATES
A razorback will have burrowed beneath midcourt by halftime.
WINNER: Seton Hall Pirates
Minnesota GOPHERS vs. Middle Tennessee BLUE RAIDERS
Hope none of those azure pirates sprain an ankle on a gopher hole. (Why is Middle Tennessee State the Blue Raiders when their actual mascot is a winged unicorns? My daughters would definitely pay any cost to become Middle Tennessee Winged Unicorns.)
WINNER: Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders
Butler BULLDOGS vs. Winthrop EAGLES
Dogs are adorable yet horrible at basketball (golden retrievers excluded).
WINNER: Winthrop Eagles
Cincinnati BEARCATS vs. Wake Forest DEMON DEACONS
The Satanic priests cannot be stopped (so long as they face shockingly inappropriate foes).
WINNER: Wake Forest Demon Deacons
UCLA BRUINS vs. Kent State GOLDEN FLASHES
What the heck is a Golden Flash supposed to be? According to lore (also known as the internet), it was originally lightning, then a golden retriever (!) and now eagles. I would be more dismayed if the above-linked article didn’t report that to unveil the eagle mascot, the school created a giant fake egg out of which the mascot was birthed. Incredible! However, bruins are usually capable basketball animals. They can stand upright and adult brown bears are up to five feet tall. If Isaiah Thomas can do it, why can’t a real bruin?
WINNER: UCLA Bruins
Dayton FLYERS vs. Wichita State SHOCKERS
A classic battle: dudes who cull wheat against dudes in planes.
WINNER: Dayton Flyers
Kentucky WILDCATS vs. Northern Kentucky NORSE
We have found a universe in which Northern Kentucky can destroy Kentucky in basketball. Leif Erikson was a baller.
WINNER: Northern Kentucky Norse
Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images
Villanova WILDCATS vs. Mount Saint Mary’s MOUNTAINEERS
A team with a ubiquitous animal team name will never go back-to-back in my tournament.
WINNER: Mount Saint Mary’s Mountaineers
Wisconsin BADGERS vs. Virginia Tech HOKIES
A “hokie” is a loyal VT fan. Uhh ... are VT students good at basketball? Are VT players loyal VT fans? We’ll allow it!
WINNER: Virginia Tech Hokies
Virginia CAVALIERS vs. UNC Wilmington SEAHAWKS
We won’t even cheat and let UVA use LeBron and Kyrie.
WINNER: Virginia Cavaliers
Florida GATORS vs. East Tennessee State BUCCANEERS
What’s it with college mascots and Irish people, clergymen and seafaring folk of ill repute?
WINNER: East Tennessee State Buccaneers
SMU MUSTANGS vs. USC TROJANS
Always with the horses, Men of Troy.
WINNER: USC Trojans
Baylor BEARS vs. New Mexico State AGGIES
This edition of the Aggies is represented by a gun-twirling, chaps-wearing fella named Pistol Pete. That seems appropriate based on the Southwest’s rangeland history, though you’d love to get a pepper plant or something in there.
WINNER: New Mexico State Aggies
South Carolina GAMECOCKS vs. Marquette GOLDEN EAGLES
We have as many teams of Gamecocks in this tournament as we do Bulldogs. What is happening with our sport?
WINNER: Marquette Golden Eagles
Duke BLUE DEVILS vs. Troy TROJANS
The Troy University Trojans? Seriously? Trojans probably beat Blue Devils on the court — the Trojans were amazing, I’ve seen that show on The History Channel, okay? — but veto. I veto the Troy Trojans. VETO.
WINNER: Duke Blue Devils
Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images
SECOND ROUND
N.C. Central EAGLES vs. Michigan State SPARTANS
Easy victory for the men of Sparta. Let’s cull all the birds in this round, okay?
WINNER: Michigan State Spartans
Nevada WOLFPACK vs. Purdue BOILERMAKERS
People who build boilers advance to the Sweet Sixteen! A real Cinderella story!
WINNER: Purdue Boilermakers
Creighton BLUEJAYS vs. Iona GAELS
How many teams representing noted basketball power Ireland will we get into the Sweet 16? Here’s one.
WINNER: Iona Gaels
Oklahoma State COWBOYS vs. Louisville CARDINALS
Fun fact: New Mexico State has to pay Oklahoma State to license the likeness of their Aggie mascot Pistol Pete.
WINNER: Oklahoma State Cowboys
South Dakota State JACKRABBITS vs. Vanderbilt COMMODORES
No team mascot (outside of the Troy Trojans) has ever been more appropriate than the Vanderbilt Commodores. The word “commodore” might actually mean “of Vanderbilt.” I think that’s right.
WINNER: Vanderbilt Commodores
Notre Dame FIGHTING IRISH vs. West Virginia MOUNTAINEERS
This is a good one. Again, mountaineers are rugged and have excellent endurance. Fighting Irish ... uh, they fight? There’s no fighting in basketball.
WINNER: West Virginia MOUNTAINEERS
Xavier MUSKETEERS vs. Florida State SEMINOLES
Guns won’t save you in this shooting contest. (Also, muskets were terrible firearms.)
WINNER: Florida State Seminoles
St. Mary’s GAELS vs. North Dakota FIGHTING HAWKS
I’d give it to the Fighting Hawks if the l and the e in “Gaels” were switched.
WINNER: St. Mary’s Gaels
North Carolina TAR HEELS vs. Seton Hall PIRATES
You could have three Jack Sparrows, eight Blackbeards and a Roberto Clemente and you’re not beating one Michael Jordan and 11 Clay Aikens.
WINNER: North Carolina Tar Heels
Middle Tennessee BLUE RAIDERS vs. Winthrop EAGLES
End the animalocracy!
WINNER: Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders
Wake Forest DEMON DEACONS vs. UCLA BRUINS
Bears are animals’ best shot at making the Final Four, but those clergyman are absolutely possessed on the court.
WINNER: Wake Forest Demon Deacons
Dayton FLYERS vs. Northern Kentucky NORSE
Lauri Markannen is from Finland, and Finland is a Nordic country. Pilots are cool and all, but Lauri Markannen is divine.
WINNER: Northern Kentucky NORSE
Mount Saint Mary’s MOUNTAINEERS vs. Virginia Tech HOKIES
Since we’re allowing the actual Virginia Tech basketball team to be considered Hokies, there’s no way to avoid giving them the nod here.
WINNER: Virginia Tech Hokies
Virginia CAVALIERS vs. East Tennessee State BUCCANEERS
A “cavalier” sounds cool and has a dope associated adjective, so I always assumed cavaliers were dangerous rogues. They are apparently simply bros who followed Charles I? Let’s go with the pirates.
WINNER: East Tennessee State Buccaneers
USC TROJANS vs. New Mexico State AGGIES
Westerns may glorify the life of cowboys, but most of them weren’t in the middle of shoot-outs and getting in bar brawls. They were rounding up livestock. The Trojans, meanwhile, were some of the greatest warriors in history. (Wait ... the Trojans were real, right?)
WINNER: USC Trojans
Marquette GOLDEN EAGLES vs. Duke BLUE DEVILS
While I now regret failing to set up a Trojans vs. Trojans battle in the Sweet 16 — who looks more athletic, USC’s Tommy Trojan or Troy University’s T-Roy? wait ... T-Roy? — at least we have finally rid our bracket of animals!
WINNER: Duke Blue Devils
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
ROUND OF 16
Michigan State SPARTANS vs. Purdue BOILERMAKERS
The Cinderella run for manufacturers of large industrial hot-water heaters is over.
WINNER: Michigan State Spartans
Iona GAELS vs. Oklahoma State COWBOYS
Down goes another set of Irish folk. What next, the Boston Celtics? (It’s pronounced with a hard C. The Boston Kelt-ics.)
WINNER: Oklahoma State Cowboys
Vanderbilt COMMODORES vs. West Virginia MOUNTAINEERS
High-ranking naval officers are likely in good shape, as are mountaineers. But the former also likely skew older, and Vince Carter aside, this is a young person’s sport.
WINNER: West Virginia Mountaineers
Florida State SEMINOLES vs. St. Mary’s GAELS
The luck has officially run out for the Irish.
WINNER: Florida State Seminoles
North Carolina TAR HEELS vs. Middle Tennessee BLUE RAIDERS
The Avett Brothers, 9th Wonder, Ben Folds, Tori Amos, George Clinton, J. Cole and five Michael Jordans? Sorry, sad pirates.
WINNER: North Carolina Tar Heels
Wake Forest DEMON DEACONS vs. Northern Kentucky NORSE
On the one hand, there are relatively prominent basketball players from the Nordic countries. On the other hand, top hats seem like unwieldy basketball gear.
WINNER: Northern Kentucky Norse
Virginia Tech HOKIES vs. East Tennessee State BUCCANEERS
Don’t let the inexplicable presence of pirates in Johnson City, Tenn., distract you from the fact that via loophole we have AN ACTUAL NCAA TOURNAMENT TEAM IN THIS FANTASY BRACKET.
WINNER: Virginia Tech HOKIES
USC TROJANS vs. Duke BLUE DEVILS
Yes, the real (?) Trojans were defeated by a wooden horse (need verification). But the Blue Devils have their own Achilles heel to trip them up: the singular karmic debt that exists due to Grayson Allen, the bluest devil of them all.
WINNER: USC Trojans
ROUND OF 8
Michigan State SPARTANS vs. Oklahoma State COWBOYS
You did The 300 Workout in 2007, right? It was wild.
WINNER: Michigan State Spartans
West Virginia MOUNTAINEERS vs. Florida State SEMINOLES
Tough loss for our shockingly resilient hobbyists. The dance is over. Go climb a rock.
WINNER: Florida State Seminoles
North Carolina TAR HEELS vs. Northern Kentucky NORSE
Lauri Markannen, Hanno Mottola, Petteri Koponen, Jonas Jerebko, Torgeir Byrn, Seymour Levov, Bjork and some dudes from the Minnetonka Y vs. Michael Jordan and 11 Kent Bazemores.
WINNER: North Carolina Tar Heels
Virginia Tech HOKIES vs. USC TROJANS
I repeat: the Virginia Tech team is legally allowed to be the actual Virginia Tech team.
WINNER: Virginia Tech Hokies
Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images
FINAL FOUR
Michigan State SPARTANS vs. Florida State SEMINOLES
I’m telling you, I saw this on the History Channel. It might have been about who would win pinochle, not basketball, or maybe it was bridge. I don’t know.
WINNER: Florida State Seminoles
North Carolina TAR HEELS vs. Virginia Tech HOKIES
Michael Jordan and 11 fellow North Carolinians of his choosing against the Virginia Tech men’s basketball team. You think UNC has finally been beat ... until you remember Steph Curry is also technically a Tar Heel.
WINNER: North Carolina Tar Heels
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Florida State SEMINOLES vs. North Carolina TAR HEELS
I’d like to point out that it should be the Florida State Seminole, if the university indeed intends to retain as its mascot a tribe of Native Americans almost entirely banished from its homeland in the state where the university sits. Alas, Sean May, Dale Earnhardt, Julianne Moore, Zach Galifiniakis, Michael Jeffrey Jordan, and seven David Gergens just can’t be beat. Salute.
CHAMPION: NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS
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