#gold frams

[spencerscookies]

Powder Room Bathroom Jacksonville Inspiration for a country powder room remodel

[danny-lawrence]

Ideas for remodeling a country powder room

[mrkida-art]

What are your headcanons regarding dwarves and their attitude towards treasure and gold?

Hello Anon! I do in fact have a lot of thoughts about this subject. I always go by the legendarium as something that is fallible (since Tolkien’s work is written from the POV of unreliable narrators), especially when it comes to the secretive dwarves who do not share their culture and secrets openly. This leaves a lot of room to recontextualize or even straight up change things (hence the “not canon compliant” disclaimer on my blog lol) and this is one of those cases. 

Anyways, here are some of my headcanons about dwarves and their treasure.

Dwarves are stereotyped as being greedy by other races, this is rooted in many stories circulating about dwarves going to extreme lengths to protect their treasure. This is especially true about the Durin’s Folk dwarves, who are said to have killed men for simply laying claim to what these dwarves felt was rightfully theirs. One of the more well known examples being Fram, the Lord of the Éothéod, who claimed the hoard of the dragon Scatha after slaying it.  This hoard contained treasure which Durin’s Folk claimed as theirs. Fram refused to give it to them, and it is said by many that he was murdered by the dwarves of Durin’s Folk as retribution. Among the race of men  it’s said that this story illustrates the greediness of dwarves.  Fram is said to have had rightfully earned this treasure as it was he who killed this dragon, and the dwarves acted in dishonor and tried to steal it from him.  

Much of this story does ring true for the dwarves, but their attitudes towards treasure is misinterpreted by the outsiders who tell these tales. Dwarves see treasure in two ways, there is treasure meant for trade and monetary gain, which they will guard as anyone would with their money. And then there is the most important type of treasure, artifacts made by their ancestors and loved ones.  The value of their artifacts is not determined by what materials have been used, but rather by WHO made them and who used them, as well as their age. Some of the most ancient and precious artifacts are made of crude stone and wood, not gold and silver. Their artifacts represent their history, heritage, and the story and souls of their ancestors.   To specific families their most important treasures or heirlooms may also be trinkets or craft made by loved ones who have since passed, it can also be tools or weapons that these dwarves used while still alive.  Dwarves  believe that these artifacts  can be used to communicate with their dead, both their ancient ancestors and those who recently passed, which naturally means that their protected treasure is of massive cultural importance. It’s also said that artifacts falling into the wrong hands may disturb the peace of the dead, which may contribute to them becoming restless spirits which is something no dwarf wants for their loved ones. 

The reason as to why Durin’s Folk may very well have killed Fram for what he did is because they are particularly protective of their artifacts. The treasure he took originally belonged to them which then had been stolen  by the dragon Scatha. Many of these artifacts were in fact of cultural or sentimental importance, which means it was something they sought to get back. It’s also good to note that Fram didn’t just claim artifacts from any dwarf clan, these were dwarves who had been exiled from their lands in Khazad-dûm. Big part of their cultural heritage had been lost when it fell which meant that they were even more desperate to protect what little they had left.   And they do not look kindly upon outsiders that steal from them, especially their most treasured objects. 

TLDR: Dwarvish treasure is sometimes artifacts that are extremely important in dwarvish culture. And clans such as Durin’s Folk who have lost so much are desperate to protect the little they have left of their cultural heritage.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. I have more headcanons about this particular subject but that would be too long of a post haha. 

[camille-lachenille]

End of the Year Fic Rec

I was tagged by @echo-bleu and @dreamingthroughthenoise and it was very difficult to select only five fics for each category but here's my Must Read fanfics list, mostly Silmarillion but with a few LotR and one Hobbit. Also, I cheated at some point so you have one more fic rec as a treat

Recommend up to 5 series or multi-chapter fics from 2023 that everyone should read (multi-year WIPs count, if the last update was in 2023).

We will make this place our home by @leucisticpuffin

Summary: Elrond and Elros are sent to live with their distant cousins in a house that is crumbling slowly to pieces. They aren't especially happy about this. For Maedhros and Maglor, the twins are a rare chance to start living again.

Why you should read it: This is a whimsical, heartwarming yet bittersweet at times story about finding one’s place in a new world and what makes a family, grappling with the ghosts of the past and the pain of being a child left behind. Also the most exquisitely written modern AU (the style is just chef's kiss!) I’ve read so far, 100% recommend it!

Maglor is an Eldritch Horror by @thescrapwitch

Summary: After thousands of years singing to the sea, Maglor has become something strange and terrifying. But he still loves his family, and his family still loves him.

Why you should read it: Sometimes, family is a Half-Elf, his wife, their children, a shy and whimsical bard and the Eldritch kidnap grandfather who haunts the house; or how to write slightly creepy fluff. This series is pure heartwarming material and giving Elrond the happiness he desserves.

The Day the Horse-Lord wed the Lady of the Seas by @colinnoahmayhare (rated M)

Summary: After the War of the Ring, Lothíriel, Princess of Dol Amroth, finds herself at the receiving end of the search for peace and prosperity by being used as a pawn in an alliance made between kings and princes. Married to the King of the Riddermark, Éomer, she has to navigate being a foreigner in a foreign country, being a Queen to a King, and to learn to live and love with a man she hardly knows.

Why you should read it: This story is an intricate, gut wrenching exploration of what happens in Rohan after the War of the Ring, featuring delightful worldbuilding, lots of politics, revenge and honour. Now with Familial TraumaTM and Couple AngstTM for extra flavour!

And the Stars Shine the Same by @runawaymun (rated M)

Summary: After the Éothéod revolt against the Wainriders, the northern tribes seek to form strong alliances with their neighbors. Lord Frumgar tasks his son Fram to lead the delegation to Imladris. With him, he brings gold, fine horses, and two young thralls chosen by his father to be given to Lord Elrond himself. Elrond is conflicted to say the least.

Why you should read it: Do you like pre-canon Third Age history? Do you like worldbuilding about a few names from the Appendixes of LotR? Do you like found family and Good Dad Elrond? Do you like complex characters learning how to live with their traumas? This story is for you! (Just mind the warnings in the tags)

The ghost you dress up as (knows how to haunt) by @deadqueernoldor (rated M)

Summary: Maedhros was not the first Finwëan to be captured and taken to Angband, nor did he remain there the longest. Ranyatinwë, twin of Caranthir, was the first.

Why you should read it: Tinwë is such a complex character, 50% spite and 50% trauma, and this whole story is so, so promising already! (Really, you should read all the Strength of our Bonds series for extra unhinged, spiteful and unrepentant kinslayer Tinwë. I support women’s rights but in Tinwë’s case I firmly support women’s wrongs). This is pure post-Angband angstfest and dysfunctional siblings caring for each other in their weird way. If angst can be a comfort story, I found it.

Recommend up to 5 single chapter fics/one-shots (long or short) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Life in Miniature by @thescrapwitch

Summary: Turgon uses his hobby of building cities to recreate Gondolin, this time on a much smaller scale.

Why you should read it: For re-embodied Finwëan rebuilding their relationships as they work together on a miniature city; a heartwarming and really nice metaphor.

Hearth Fire by @dreamingthroughthenoise

Summary: Findis and Feanor speak before the Flight of the Noldor and share in their grief the best they can.

Why you should read it: Because there are so few stories centered around Findis and her feelings about her family and this one is so interesting and well written. Also, Findis is my Blorbo and everyone should read about her until they're consumed by the Blorbo.

your veins are empty of dust by @echo-bleu

Summary: Anairë finds her late one day in her workshop, surrounded by slabs of stone larger than her. Nerdanel is hammering forcefully at one of them, the barest hints of an elven shape already taking form in the marble. Bitter, stinging tears run down her cheeks and into her collar, and her arms ache with exhaustion.

The body is only barely sketched, but the face is already chiselled, smooth curves and angular cheekbones.

Fëanáro emerges out of the marble, looking like he’s about to take life.

Why you should read it: For a heartbreaking dive into Nerdanel's grief, her friendship with Anairë and how Nerdanel's art becomes her way to cope with loneliness and grief.

see it fall, child of war by @swanmaids

Summary: Elwing's time runs out.

Why you should read it: Because these may be the 740 most impactful words I've read about Elwing since I discovered the Silm fandom.

soldier keep on marching on (waiting on that morning sun) by songofswiftsunrise

Summary: Boromir lives. The world is the smallest bit brighter for it.

Why you should read it: Do I need a more convincing argument than what the summary says? Boromir lives and everyone is happier. I love a good fix-it and this one is very well written indeed.

Recommend up to 5 fics NOT from 2023 that everyone should read (oldies but goodies.)

The Carpenter’s Son by Zimra (rated M, warning for rape/non-con)

Summary: An untold story of conquered Dor-lómin, in which an Easterling carpenter has a child by his Hadorian slave.

Why you should read it: This story explores in a very interesting way a par of canon that is almost never mentionned (except in the Narn). The main character is attaching and I really cared for her and her son. The hindsights in the slavers' minds are chilling with their realism and this whole story is just so well written. Also, it ends on a note of hope.

And what I am needs no excuses by aurembiaux

Summary: Sam has always been in love with Frodo. It's only that it takes him forty years to realize that he is.

Why you should read it: Probably the most heartwarming and relatable self-discovery story I’ve ever read; set in England from the WWII to the 80’s, with all the social changes that happened in this time period. Featuring Supportive Dad (and Friend) Sam as the main character and a whole bunch of introspection. One of my all time comfort read!

Mark of a Warrior by starryeyedknight

Summary: After the funeral for Theoden, Merry wakes up to a problem experienced by many a young man after a night of heavy drinking. The ink on his arm doesn't appear to be washing off… 

Why you should read it: This one shot explores the relationships Merry formed with the RIders of Rohan, the grief he has in common with them and how he found his place amongst the riders, all of this with delightful humour and lightness despite the initial situation.

Dancing with my punchlines by LiveOakWithMoss (rated M)

Summary: In which the sons of Fëanor throw house parties, the beer is terrible, 20-something hipster elves act like their drama is as bad as it is in canon, and macking on cousins is fair game.

Why you should read it: If you like a good old modern AU with tons of drama of various sorts, amazing ace representation and general Finwëans shenanigans, this is the story for you.

Old Maggie Took by @deadqueernoldor

Summary: The headcanon about Maglor, second son of Fëanor, lives hidden in the Shire? Yes.

Why you should read it: My ultimate comfort read series; featuring mouth-watering descriptions of food, kidnadopted fam and Maglor being an overgrown hobbit and trolling everyone in ME and Valinor. This is fluffy, this is silly, this is prefect.

Recommend up to 5 of your own fics (completed or WIP) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Dreams of Doom (rated M, warning for Major Character Death)

Summary: “She runs in the dark, alone. Where her feet carry her, she knows not, and her heart is heavy with dread. Someone - something - is watching her.”

Niënor from the moment she arrives in Brethil to her death.

Why you should read it: Because this fic is my firsborn child and I am insanely proud of it, especially since I went so out of my comfort zone to write it. It features two of my obscure blorbos and I poured my soul into it.

Ice Age(s)

Summary: Ice skating through the ages, from Idril learning with her grandfather to Elrond perpetuating the familial tradition.

Why you should read it: This is a fluffy fic, mostly, and it's also a gift for the amazing @echo-bleu. I also wrote it in a sort of trance in the middle of the night, passed out the moment I posted it and had no memory whatsoever of what I had written upon waking up in the morning, yet I still love this fic dearly.

I never wanted to walk in your steps

Summary: Tilda was ten, the same age Sigrid was at her birth, and her world was collapsing more than when Smaug had destroyed Laketown.

Why you should read it: Because I privately call this fic Hobbit angstfest. I took a sad, doomed ship and asked myself "how can I make it sadder?"

ar ámen apsenë úcaremmar

Summary: Few know of Findis the Faithful, eldest daughter of Finwë, who never lost hope for her family.

Why you should read it: I took my obscure blorbo and set her in a medieval-ish AU. It's sad and a little hopeful too and there's a lot of Quenya interspaced through the story.

Quiet morning in Gondolin

Summary: Idril and Eärendil spend some time together before the city wakes up.

Why you should read it: I'll put the link to the beautiful art that inspired this ficlet and let it speak for me.

And I tag everyone I tagged in this post who hasn’t already done this fics rec tag

[etymology-of-the-emblem]

The Allusions to Wine in Lythos

I must preface that this post's main advertised material is not the result of my own research, instead based on a page on the Japanese website pegasusknight. As suggested there, it seems that the names attached to Lythos are meant to have a common naming scheme like the other kingdoms in Fire Emblem: Engage, with it taking names related to wines.

Vander is the steward to the Divine Dragon Alear. The name is a shortening of the Greek name Evander, carried by a figure in Roman myth. It is said that he founded the Roman city of Pallantium, which has been suggested to have become Palatine Hill.

In Japanese, Vander's name is ヴァンドレ (rōmaji: vandore), romanized as Vandre. It has been suggested that this is derived from Vin Doré, a wine that contains 24-karat gold dust.

Clanne is an apprentice to Vander and twin brother of Framme. The name seemingly is derived from the Irish word clann, where we get the word clan. The word was also historically used to refer to someone's followers, appropriate for Clanne and Framme's fervent attendance to Alear.

In Japanese, Clanne's name is クラン (rōmaji: kuran), romanized as Clan. It is possible that the name comes from the Japanese wine brand Arugano Clan (JP: アルガーノ・クラン; rōmaji: arugāno kuran).

Framme is an apprentice to Vander and twin sister of Clanne. Framme is a Norwegian and Swedish word that can mean "at the front of", possibly referring to her being one of Alear's first allies in the game. It could also take from the Irish frum fram, referring to a loud noise or uproar; this could be based on her overexcitement and her emphasized loud voice.

In Japanese, Framme's name is フラン (rōmaji: furan) romanized as Fram. She may get her name from Cabernet Franc (JP: カベルネ・フラン; rōmaji: kaberune furan), one of the most common black grapes used in wines.

Lumera is the Queen of Lythos and the Divine Dragon Monarch. Lumera is the Sicilian word for "light". In Japanese, Lumera's name is ルミエル (rōmaji: rumieru), romanized as Lumiere. Lumière is the French word for "light". Additionally, there are two notable wineries called Lumiere: one in California, one in Japan.

Alear is the Divine Dragon and child of Lumera. Alear is a Spanish word that can mean "to alloy, to mix and combine (typically to make less pure)" or "to ally". These could relate to the Engage mechanic, combining oneself with the Emblems. Alternatively, it could be based on Alear being a mix of Fell Dragon and Divine Dragon.

In Japanese, Alear is called リュール (rōmaji: ryūru), romanized as Lueur. Lueur is a French noun meaning "glimmer, glow". This maintains a light-based name scheme with Lumera, though it has a weaker quality, indicating them not being 100% Divine Dragon. The start of the name likely ties to the Japanese word for a dragon, 竜 (rōmaji: ryū). It has also been speculated that the name is derived from Bordeaux supérieur wines (JP: ボルドー・シューペリュール; rōmaji: borudō shūperyūru).

[atsvensson]

Exploderande personsökare tillverkade i Israel?

De exploderande personsökare som Israel har använt vid sin terrorattack i Libanon var av en modell, AR-924, som tagit fram av det taiwanesiska företaget Gold Apollo har inte tillverkats i Taiwan. Enligt företaget ska tillverkningen ha lagts ut på det ungerska företaget BAC Consulting KFT. Detta företag har dock ingen tillverkning utan är ett brevlådeföretag i en byggnad som kan ses som ett…

[rapid-prototyping-project]

HUD improvements

As my HUD is fairly empty, I've decided it should be the first thing to be redesigned. As TETRIS had a similar problem to me with its gameplay area and screen space, I'll be using them as inspiration

My first decision was to update the text. As I can't make fonts, I elected to use the same system as I did for health in Tempting Fate, using sprites. I recreated the code and began working on my sprites

Originally, they had little starts and moons. However, they just made it look infected so I cut them from the design. The gradient is to stay consistent with my game's palette.

For whatever reason, the number displayed was 1 higher than the value of lives left so I bodged it and had them direct to a number 1 lower. I didn't like this solution but it did work

My display for the text initially looked like this, with a gold border. However, it just didn't work with my game so I went for a luminescant blue

I still hate this. I tried reducing the number to a neon sign but it just doesn't work

So, if I can't make a good HUD, I won't. There won't be a HUD - at least in widget form. That's right, I'm making a 3D one. God help me.

For my first 3D HUD item, I'll need a life counter in the form of a bar. This will need to get the current life count, set the bar to a corresponding height and lerp to a smaller height when an event is called.

This code is a mess but it works as intended. i had a little issue about it lerping from 0, but that was because I hadn't set a default value for the max health. Now, I just need to reuse the code from Shipping Delay on the crane's rope to make it seem like one side of the cube is going down.

I tried doing it myself. It didn't work.

BUT THIS DID. I realised my rope in Shipping Delay used a different way of doing this, that I hadn't used a lerp node for moving the cube, and that it actually was moving, just not enough. Now it's done, I really like how it looks :D

alright it wasn't perfect. When the player's life count reaches 0, the bar bugs out - it goes back from 2 to 1, but without going up so both top and bottom move. Basically, it looks weird.

I have identified the problem. The life count REALLY doesn't want to go to 0. It will go 3-2, 2-1 and then 1-1. WHY? I DON'T KNOW. Correction: its perfectly happy goinng to 0. It just hates going down a third time.

Changing this check in my killbox DOES kind of fix it. The player does have 4 lives, and the last animation does play the previous one, but it's in the right place again. Huh

I FIXED IT KIND OF My solution is foul but it DOES work. I copied the code form the false tree into the true tree after the life check in my killbox and added an open level node. This solution is terrible, but you wouldn't know that by the gameplay.

look at that health bar go

I've added a small fram around the block to help get an idea of scale for how many lives are left

Sam gave me the idea to implement a colour system - I plan to do this by lerping between differend colour variables

'what did it cost you' 'everything' oh who am I kidding I love this. It's awful. It also works - it goes from blue to green, green to yellow, and a backup yellow to blue one in case I mess something up.

This, however, doesn't work. As I sit here typing this, I just realised why. These nodes happpen on update from the timeline, so I need to ensure they aren't happening every tick of the animation.

I showed my code to Jake. After about 10 minutes of suffering and trying to understand what I was doing and why, he showed that I could just use the above nodes instead. Then we spoke about Yugoslavia, but that's unrelated. At any rate, I now know a prettier way of writing that code

As for the little heart below the bar, I tried making it pulsate but this didn't work. I also swapped it out for an image of an actual human heart. Alas, i have reverted both as neither worked.

Adding this code to my heart sprite should have allowed it to shake, and switch the sprite to a more broken one, but for whatever reason it went too far left. I fixed this in the image below.

This was then duplicated for the other heart sprites.

[missmoonfrost]

Some hearts are treasures

that never can be done.

Their owners strew them generously

out in streams of sun.

Gratefully we take

the gift in cautious hand.

Hail and happy, blessed one,

who handles gold like sand!

Some hearts are fires

that burn deep below.

In coldest night thrown there

a reflection on the snow.

Enchanted thus, no one

in constant longing burns

as he that sees that shimmer one night

and forth to the fire yearns.

Translated into English by David McDuff above.

Original poem in Swedish by Karin Boye below.

Några hjärtan är skatter,

som aldrig kan ta slut.

Ägaren strör det givmilt

i solströmmar ut.

Tacksamma tar vi

gåvan i varsam hand.

Hell och säll, välsignad du,

som aktar guld som sand!

Några hjärtan är eldar,

som brinner djupt i lönn.

I kallaste natt där kastas

ett återsken på snön.

Så bergtagen ingen

i ständig längtan går

som den som har sett det skimret en natt

och fram till elden trår.

[f0xd13-blog]

THIS SCREENSHOTTS ARE GOLD. They never learn... you are just digging urself up coz everybody knows bout kesha's rape and sony's tactics to frams MJ as a pedo... btw rocky also owns sony now... everything is starting to make senss now right?

[impossiblewitchpersona-blog]

Mediaeval History in a Parallel Universe

Little is known about the early life of Prince Nookie, son of King Baldie, of whom even less is known. It is believed that the chroniclers of the day found him too boring to be of interest, as the following reference in the ‘Byg Booke of Borynge Basterds’ by Dweorbert (d. 1323) shows:

“None to write aboute King Baldye the Borynge, butan to seye thatte the gestes aette his feasts slepte whan thaette hys majeste tolde hem hys funny tales and so he ate alone. Nor was he ne good on hors in werre. He alwey fell off.”

This might explain why Prince Nookie, who became king in 1326, embarked on several projects that he hoped would leave indelible marks on the history of these isles.

King Nookie earned the epithet ‘Numbskull’ after the failure of one of his many schemes to improve the kingdom’s economy, i.e. by monopolizing the wealth of his domain. In June 1327, he called the Meeting of the Learned and decreed that the finest intellects of the realm must find ways of extracting gold from vegetables. His audience found it hard to keep a straight face. Ruddybert the Clever, who was present at the meeting, wrote:

“Generaciouns to come may wel think thaette the learned of oure day weron stupide, but know this: we neron stupide. Even the asses and the scheep knowe that none coude golde fram carrotte and coles (cabbages) obteyne.”

The Meeting of the Learned, however, concluded with a pledge that the first gold from “carrotte and coles” would be presented to the king within 30 days. Ruddybert the Clever later approached King Nookie and tactfully informed him that the task that he had set was scientifically impossible. Half-an-hour later, Ruddybert’s head was on a spike outside the king’s palace.

The 30-day deadline passed and no gold was forthcoming. Nookie ordered the slaughter of the finest intellects of the kingdom.

In 1329, Nookie felt that his kingdom was threatened by the emerging power of the Moorish empire to the south. He raised an army of 30,000 and marched on Cordoba. The Emir of Cordoba granted King Nookie an audience, during which coffee was served. Nookie, a mead drinker, demanded that he be served his favourite beverage. The emir apologized for not having mead on the grounds that his religion forbade alcohol. Nookie flew into a rage and drew his sword. He swore he would conquer Spain single-handed if he had to. The emir hastened to tell his guest that Spain had been conquered by the Moors in 711 AD. On hearing this, Nookie said: “Oh, shytte! We had better go back home then.” On the homeward journey, he died of a mysterious disease, probably contracted from one of the camp followers. His physician reported a few days before the king’s death that Nookie’s urine was blue.

After Nookie I’s funeral in 1330, his daughter Numbbum became the kingdom’s first queen regnant. She inherited her father’s epithet, ‘Numbskull’, not only because of the alliteration and assonance, but also because she was plain stupid.

Soon after she acceded to her regal duties, one of her ministers submitted a complaint against a Jew who had allegedly looked at him “in a funny way”. At that time, the Jewish community co-existed peacefully with the natives in the market towns and in the capital. They had caused no one any trouble. Nor had they demanded preferential treatment under the law. Consequently, Queen Numbbum expelled the Jews, who fled to France and Scandinavia. The Queen was hailed throughout the land as a courageous person who had rid the kingdom of the “Hebrew presence”.

Her decree would have gone down in history as a success in the cause for racial purity, but a few months later, Queen Numbbum had unwittingly put her and her subjects in an awkward position. Rumour had it that in the south the Moors were amassing troops along the Pyrenees. The queen felt that she must act. She raised an army of 30,000 and, with the consent of the French King Baudouin the Sot, marched on the border with Spain. Nothing happened. The rumours, rumour had it, were false. However, Numbbum was told that her soldiers had not been paid for three months. She wrote to the capital asking for funds, but her chancellor of the exchequer replied that no money was to be had. Since the expulsion of the Jews, no money lenders were available.

Undeterred, the Queen and her champion rode to Cordoba and requested an audience with the emir. She asked if she could contact the local Jewry to raise some cash. When the emir inquired about the purpose of the funds, the queen’s champion flew into a rage, drew his sword and swore that he would conquer Spain single-handedly if he had to. The emir calmly reminded his guests that after the invasion in 711 AD, the Moors had conquered most of the country. On hearing this, the champion is reported to have said: “Oh, shyte! We’d better go home, then!”

In May 1332, Queen Numbbum issues a decree allowing the Jews to return to the kingdom, not because the community of the Hebrew persuasion were particularly popular, but because the kingdom was on the brink of bankruptcy. Meanwhile, the nobility led a life of idleness and self-indulgence. No one complained, since the archbishops had instructed the clergy at parish level that taxation was part of God’s plan. No one dared challenge the holy texts that were quoted in order to support this thesis. Consequently, the peasantry bore their burdens well until they heard the sermons of one of the monks of the order of St Severin the Subversive.

Seven uneventful years later, Queen Numbbum died and Steven the Saddo succeeded her. Steven was known for his lack of social skills. Every time his mother introduced him to a prospective wife, Steven would make no attempt to engage her in intelligent conversation. The court chronicler of the day offers the following insight:

“In the second year of the reign of our gracious Queen Numbbum, the daughter of the French king was brought to court. The Queen forbade her son from thrusting himself upon the poor wee creature. The Queen told her son to take Genevieve out for a nice meal at a Far Eastern eating place – the one next to the strippe clubbe that opened last month. Steven did as he was told, but on the return to the palace, he tried to ravish her in the middle of the street.”

Nothing could cure Steven of his priapic lust.

In the spring of 1340, news of a military build-up in France reached the king. Steven decreed that the Jews could return to the kingdom provided that they paid an annual tax of 500 groats, abstain from fish, go shopping only on Wednesdays and wear only the colour green. An advisor reminded the king that Queen Numbbum had allowed the Jews to return a few years before. The advisor’s head ended up on a spike on the palace gate.

Steven raised an army of 30,000 and marched to Cordoba. He intended to ask for an alliance against France, not because he was afraid of the French, but because he did not like them or their recipes for horse burgers. Besides, the king of France was still rather angry over Steven’s treatment of his daughter. However, the emir of Cordoba hesitated and later declared that he would not enter an alliance against France.

Steven turned purple with rage. Brandishing his sword, he swore he would conquer Spain single-handedly if he had to. The emir told him to “piss off”.

“In that case,” Steven replied, “I’d better go back home, then.”

Crestfallen, Steven sank into a depression on the way home. One night he drank himself silly and was crushed by a bullock cart.

Meanwhile, back in the kingdom, the monks of St Severin the Subversive had gathered a huge following among the peasants. On learning of Steven’s death in Spain, the monks seized the opportunity to install Prince Drainwater, the issue of one of the many illicit relationships of King Steven, as monarch. As a teenager, Drainwater had renounced all pleasures of the flesh and vowed to transform the kingdom into a theocracy. He drew up a kind of constitution which stipulated compulsory church attendance five days a week and a ban on alcohol. If Drainwater had been made king, he would have expelled the Jews, rendering the kingdom a pauper state. However, Herbert the Hopeless, the rightful heir to the throne, with the assistance of the Duke of Mean and his army of assassins, killed the monks of St Severin the Subversive, torched their monasteries and confiscated their wealth, which eased some of the pressure on the Jews.

King Herbert preferred fishing to statesmanship, but the kingdom was in crisis when the king and his court had over-fished every lake and river in the realm, leaving nothing for the peasants. Revolt was in the air. The Duke of Mean saw his chance to declare Herbert incompetent to rule and seize the throne.

While Herbert was sitting by a pond catching tadpoles, he was approached by his daughter Gertrude the Gormless, who suggested they ask the Emir of Cordoba for help to save their dynasty. Herbert prepared a jar of water with three of “the finest tadpoles in the land” as a gift for the emir and sent Hilda to Spain.

For the Emir of Cordoba, this visit was the last straw. The court chronicler, Alonso de Maravedi wrote:

“When his Majesty spied Gertrude the Gormless with the tadpoles, he asked what was wrong with her native land. He shouted that he was fed up with their ridiculous petitions and told Gertrude to bog off. Gertrude became mighty angry and drew the sword of one of her retinue. She swore on the lives of the tadpoles that she would conquer Spain… She never finished her speech because of the Emir’s palace guard had run her through.”

The Emir and his army rushed to kingdom and installed the Duke of Mean as ruler, and threatened anyone who dared approach him for favours and with stupid requests that he would crown Hilda’s son, Andrew the Anorak.

An anonymous observer at the time wrote:

“On hearing these words, men of high and low birth trembled withal, saying with one voice: Not those silly sods again, we beseech thee, O munificent Emir.”           

[monsterfucker-showdown]

Captain Amelia from Treasure Planet! And Does Trance Gemini fram Andromeda count? She's an avatar of a star and I love her, she has a prehensile tail in her purple form but I think the gold form looks more alien

Thank you for your submission!

Sorry Trance seems too human

[regalshowerscreen]

Are you looking for frameless shower screens Gold Coast ? For those living on the Gold Coast, frameless shower screens have become increasingly popular due to their modern aesthetic and easier maintenance. Frameless shower screens provide a minimalistic look, as well as a feeling of spaciousness in the bathroom. Regal Shower Screens offer an extensive range of frameless shower screens and have the expertise and experience needed to ensure that they are installed correctly.

[ao3feed-tolkien]

And the Stars Shine the Same by runawaymun [PODFIC]

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/T7wGXYz

by The Commonplace Book (runforthestairs)

An audiobook / podfic of runawaymun's absolutely stunning dad!Elrond fic And the The Stars Shine the Same.

Original Summary by runawaymun: After the Éothéod revolt against the Wainriders, the northern tribes seek to form strong alliances with their neighbors. Lord Frumgar tasks his son Fram to lead the delegation to Imladris. With him, he brings gold, fine horses, and two young thralls chosen by his father to be given to Lord Elrond himself. Elrond is conflicted to say the least.

Regardless, an alliance must be struck. Prince Fram brings news of darkness spreading across Rhovanion which is already leaking up into Greenwood. Elrond fears it will soon reach Imladris. Once more, Elves and Men must put aside their differences and unite...or fall.

AU. No graphic depictions. Mature themes.

Words: 16, Chapters: 1/27, Language: English

Fandoms: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien, TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen

Characters: Elrond Peredhel, Lindir (Tolkien), Celebrían (Tolkien), Elladan (Tolkien), Elrohir (Tolkien), Frumgar Third Lord of the Éothéod, Fram (Tolkien), Fram Fourth Lord of the Éothéod, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Glorfindel (Tolkien), Arwen Undómiel, Erestor (Tolkien), Thranduil (Tolkien), Galadriel | Artanis, Maglor | Makalaurë

Relationships: Celebrían/Elrond Peredhel, Elladan & Elrohir & Elrond Peredhel, Elrond Peredhel & Glorfindel, Elrond Peredhel & Original Female Character(s), Elrond Peredhel & Original Male Character(s), Elrond Peredhel & Thranduil, Elrond Peredhel & Maglor | Makalaurë, mentioned Elrond Peredhel & Maedhros | Maitimo

Additional Tags: Early Third Age Middle Earth, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Protective Elrond, Action/Adventure, Platonic Slow Burn, Slavery, Canon-Typical Violence, Podfic, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/T7wGXYz

[cawamedia]

Therése Neaimé release av ”Fools Gold"

Therése Neaimé release av ”Fools Gold”

Den etablerade svenska artisten Therése Neaimé bryter gränserna mellan genrer, och hennes senaste studioarbete, “Fools Gold” är inget undantag och släpps fredagen den 2 december som musikvideo på Youtube. “Fools Gold” lyfter fram Therése Neaimés vackra röst, liksom hennes förmåga att ständigt införliva nya idéer och utveckla sitt sound. Samtidigt bjuder låten in till något fängslande och…

[cynical-cemeteries]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRAM!!!

[monsieur-j]

Moschino S/S 2020 Bags