#gojo is unhinged

[rahuratna]

Geriatric Kaisen (Part 1)

Megumi arrives back at Jujutsu Tech after a day out to find ... some alarming changes to its inhabitants.

CW: Foul language

Genre: Humour, crack, fluff, suspense.

(A quick scribble in between updates. Please don't hurt me for this, dear readers.)

It started with a strange shift on the breeze. Barely perceptible, to Megumi's reckoning, but the honing of his senses told him that something may not be right. That, and the soft growling that came from the shikigami flanking him, their hackles bristling in coordinated aggression.

Sticking out a warning hand, he advanced along the winding avenue that led to the main entrance of Jujutsu Tech, alert and watchful. This certainly hadn't been the first time an attack had been launched on the school. Even with all of its protective enchantments, Jujutsu Tech was a known stronghold for the sorcerers, and was therefore a prime target for their more powerful enemies.

The cans of soda he'd purchased from the convenience store clinked softly against each other in the shopping bag he held, the rustling of the limited edition crisps a distraction. He set the bag down and proceeded, footsteps light and body tense, fingertips twitching. Wincing slightly, he remembered what else the bag contained.

A cupcake.

Probably squashed beyond recognition now. The icing was pink and white, stodgy, wrapped tightly in plastic, handed over by the wrinkled hands of the old woman he had helped count change at the till. Even Megumi could admit that the elderly had a known weakness for him, a tendency to pat his spiky hair and murmur about what a 'good boy' he was. If only they knew the half of it.

The imposing sliding doors of the tech had now come into view. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Megumi considered for a moment before deciding that reconnaissance was priority. He brought his hands together in an imitation of his shikigami's great wings, taking a breath before opening his mouth to speak Nue's name into the soft breeze, when the sliding doors opened.

Immediately, the hounds at his side went alert, but Megumi frowned. They were not reacting in the way he'd expected. Noses raised to the air, they were sniffing cautiously, but without enmity. Eyes narrowing, Megumi took in the man standing in the doorway.

Was this someone he knew?

The figure was coming forward slowly now, the russet afternoon burnishing their flowing silver hair.

Silver?

Yes, that's what it seemed like.

The person was obviously older, maybe the same age as the woman he'd seen at the pay point earlier. In spite of this, they still moved with an ease that spoke of strength and grace, the surefootedness of someone who could hold their own, even at this age. There was not much else he could make out at this distance, save for the dark glasses and walking stick they were twirling effortlessly in their hand. 

He approached, pace matching the elderly man's. Stopping a few feet away, Megumi frowned as his shikigami began to whine and wag their tails slightly.

How was this possible? He didn't know this man. Unless this was ... some kind of trap, possibly? But how could they have fooled the uncanny senses of the dogs? Taking a bracing breath, Megumi decided that the best way to clear things up was adopting a direct approach.

"Excuse me, sir. Are you lost?"

The white-maned head turned slowly in his direction. The man's voice was firm and clear, with only the slightest tremor of age. 

"Me? Lost? Are you for real right now?"

Well now. There was definitely something familiar about that tone. And using language like that ...

Brows pinching together, Megumi kept his hands at the ready.

"What do you ... You realise that this is a school, right? Did you take a wrong turn and get lost somewhere? I can direct you, if you like."

To his consternation, the old man started laughing so hard that the walking stick shuddered perilously in his grasp.

"Wait, you don't recognize me like this?"

"Should I?"

"Megumi, it's me."

"What?"

"You're super special, strongest in the world, hottest in the universe, perfect skin, perfect hair sensei."

Megumi was silent for minute, taking some time to process what was being said to him. Something clicked sooner rather than later, because now his eyes were widening and he took a step back.

"Wait .... Gojo? Is that you?"

"Course it's me. God, you're so dumb for a smart kid - "

"But what happened to you? Are the others okay? What's going on here?"

"Relax. It's some kind of field technique. Not a domain. Covered the whole campus and made us like this, but didn't do much else. That's why I came out here. To maybe draw them out, see what they're after."

To say that Megumi was horrified was an understatement.

"You came outside like this? Are you crazy? They'll - wait. Let's go back in, please. This place is exposed."

His eyes darted to the treeline, taking stock of their surroundings.

"Gojo, did you even stop to consider that this is exactly what they want? You, in a weakened state - "

"Weakened? Weakened?"

Gojo was laughing again, in that truly insufferable way he had, now with the added irritation of his hand slapping hard at his knee like a drunk salaryman egging on his co-workers at karaoke.

"Boy, if you think I'm weakened in any way, you've got another think coming."

Clicking his tongue in aggravation, Megumi grabbed elderly Gojo's arm and attempted to drag him back to the building. It was like dragging the heaviest sack of potatoes known to man. Gojo barely moved an inch.

"See? You still think I'm weak?"

"Did you turn off your infinity just to prove that to me?"

"Sure did. Now, let's see."

Gojo pulled off the dark glasses and suddenly Megumi was confronted with the irrefutable evidence that this was, indeed, his sensei. Those crystal hued eyes would have been exceptionally hard to replicate, by anyone's standards. Bordered by deeply etched crow's feet, stark in their brightness against the spotted skin and wispy hair, it was evident that they had lost none of their slightly unhinged daredevilry.

"I spy ... with my little ... damn, things are looking kinda hazy out here. Anyway, what's that? There, in the grass?"

Confused, Megumi glanced back the way he had come and spotted the shopping bag lying where he had left it.

"Oh. I went to the seven eleven for some stuff."

"Bring it over here."

"Are you serious right now? Can you please get inside?"

"I'll go inside if you get the bag," Gojo sang, voice quivering with cheerful infirmity.

"Oh, for the love of - Fine! Just ... just go to the door and wait there."

"Okay, sonny boy."

"Don't call me that!"

Stomping over to the shopping bag, Megumi snatched it up, pausing as the cold nose of his shikigami pressed comfortingly into his hand. The other hound had actually remained at Gojo's side, walking slowly beside the aged sorcerer as he made his way back to the sliding doors. Sighing, Megumi rubbed at the bridge of his nose before following.

"So, you said this field technique, whatever it is, made us like this? Are the others also affected?"

"Oh yeah. I had them all gather in the staff lounge. We've got our weapons and protections too, so don't look at me like that."

"So you don't think what you did was spectacularly stupid?"

"Not as stupid as you for not getting any sweets. Are these savoury snacks all you eat?"

"I eat them once a week! Unlike you."

"Wait, what's this?"

Gojo's questing fingers had encountered the soft give of the cupcake. He drew it out and gave a croaky chuckle.

"How kind! You did think of me!"

"I didn't. Someone gave that to me."

"It's pink! Does that mean it's strawberry?"

"It's just food colouring."

"But I wanted strawberry."

"Just eat the cupcake, please."

They had reached the staff lounge by now and Gojo raised his hand, a soft pulse echoing from his fingertips through the door. Probably a means to identify himself to whatever protective technique had been placed on the door. Entering, Megumi stopped dead in his tracks.

Now this was a sight.

Standing at the coffee machine, hands on hips, was a woman with narrowed, hawk-like amber eyes and bobbed salt and pepper hair, her frame and intimidating bearing very familiar in spite of the added height and wiry muscle she now possessed.

"What do you mean I shouldn't have another? Coffee is all I've got going for me, at this point."

"Kugisaki, just calm down. We don't know what kind of side effects this technique has. Your heart may not be able to handle that much caffeine!"

These words came from beneath the grizzled mustache of a man who could only be Yuuji. The phrase 'cool uncle' had never fitted anyone else so well. Even aged to somewhere in the region of his sixties, Yuuji was still hale and hearty, his much taller stature and rippling muscles making the uniform he wore look some kind of miniature cosplay. His pink hair was slightly faded, but tied back in a short ponytail that somehow suited him very well.

"Just step away from the coffee machine - "

"Like hell I will!"

"Oh my God. Maki-senpai, please talk some sense into her?"

"Don't called me senpai. That's weird right now."

Megumi's gaze moved reluctantly over to the woman in question. Seated cross legged on the floor, sharpening one of her weapons with the manner of one who did such things to calm down, Maki was definitely the epitome of aged warrior. Her green hair was now shot with grey, cropped short, jacket and shirt pulled open, her exceptionally powerful shoulders and arms exposed in the vest she wore underneath.

Megumi was secretly relieved that some of them were still clearly in great fighting shape, because he had no idea who had created the aging technique or why.

"Wait."

Gojo leaned forward on his walking stick, scanning the room with a squint.

"Where did Nanami and Ijichi go?"

Maki shrugged.

"Went to gather some supplies. Nanami said something about food and Ijichi went with him. We've been holed up in here all morning, so this lot is getting cranky."

Yuuji huffed, and the petulant expression looked exceptionally incongruous on his rugged, bearded face.

"I'm not the one who's cranky. Look at Kugisaki over here."

"I need to feel calm!"

"And you think five cups of coffee are gonna help you? Be for real!"

"Coffee calms me!"

"You're weird as hell, then!"

It was at this moment that Yuuji and Nobara spied Megumi who let out a silent, internal scream when they both swiveled to face him, eyes narrowing accusingly.

"Fushiguro?"

"What the fuck?"

"Wait, why didn't the technique affect you?"

"I was out all morning, running errands. I just got back from the convenience store."

Nobara threw her hands up.

"How is this fair? The guy who acts like an old man twenty-four seven is fine, but we're the ones with janky knees and back pain that never goes away."

Megumi frowned.

"I do not act like an old man."

At that moment, the protective technique across the door, probably effected by Ijichi, resonated once more and the two men who shuffled in made Megumi stare even longer.

Nanami's hair was now pure white, but his posture was still dignified and straight, the natural lines that defined his clear cut features more pronounced than ever. His imposing figure was a little spare, the distinctive suit now hanging slightly about the chest and shoulders. Age had only added to his dignity.

Ijichi was fiddling with his glasses, liver-spotted fingers pushing them further up his nose as he squinted through them at Megumi. The assistant manager was already shedding hair at an alarming rate, a distinct bald patch appearing at the top of his head, shoulders sunk in a permanent hunch, fingers bent arthritically.

"Who - ohhh, Fushiguro. Nice to see that the curse didn't get you."

Gojo growled and spun on his heel.

"Where did you two idiots go? I told you to stay put."

Nanami raised a thin, pale eyebrow.

"We went to get food. We needed it."

"You could have sent Yuuji or Nobara - "

"And you could have waited in here instead of going out to antagonize whoever did this. Looks like your ego got worse with age."

"And that stick up your ass got worse with age too."

Nanami scoffed and removed his signature shades. The eyes behind them were as sharp and calculating as always, in spite of the lines that graced their corners.

"On the contrary. Being in this state has opened my eyes to many things."

Yuuji glanced over curiously, his mouth already stuffed with the onigiri Ijichi had placed on the table.

"Whaddaya mean, Nanamin?"

"Meaning that the frailty of the human condition has impressed itself upon me."

He was met with a blank stare from the pink-bearded man, but Ijichi piped up from behind him.

"Oh, I get you, Nanami. I understand."

Nobara folded her arms.

"Well, let's hear it then."

"If this is what it feels like being old ... then why waste the time we have left worrying about pointless things?"

Yuuji waved his hands in concern.

"Whoa, whoa, stop right there. This is a cursed technique, meaning it can be reversed, right? Right?"

Gojo was examining his fingernails.

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Are you being serious right now? I can't be an old man! I'm not ready."

Gojo nodded in commiseration.

"Oh, I know, I know. I wasn't ready to lose my youthful hot body either."

"That's not - "

Ijichi interrupted with a quavery shout that shocked them all into silence.

"Fuck paperwork!"

Megumi stared.

"Err ... what?"

"Fuck it. Fuck all of it. And fuck you too, Gojo!"

"Eh?"

"See how I'm losing my hair? This is your doing! You're the one who stresses me out every day! But no more! I don't have to take this shit. Look at the state of my knees! I don't care anymore. Nobody's going to boss me around!"

Gojo pointed a slightly unsteady finger at the manager.

"Oh, excuse me for being the strongest sorcerer who keeps evil at bay and saves your butt on the regular."

"Well, you didn't save us from this, did you? You're a sad old grandpa, just like me! See how the worm turns?"

"Why, you little shit stirrer, I'll - "

"Enough."

Megumi breathed a sigh of relief as Nanami once again proved himself to be the only sane adult in the room, even under these circumstances. 

"Gojo, please. This event has obviously shaken Ijichi. You should be more understanding. Here, you need food too. Take these onigiri. They have red bean filling."

Mumbling slightly, Gojo set aside the cupcake he held, taking the parcel and beginning to undo the paper wrapping. He picked out one of the onigiri and froze, his head slowly lifting to stare at Nanami. Megumi frowned and looked over his shoulder.

The onigiri Gojo held was shaped, very recognizably, as a penis.

Nanami stared back at the white haired sorcerer impassively, prompting Gojo to speak.

"Nanami. What the heck is this?"

"An onigiri."

"I can see that, you old fart! I mean, why is it shaped like this?"

"Oh, that? It's so that you can ... how do I put this? Eat a dick."

The rest of the room's occupants looked on in no small surprise as Ijichi snorted, covering his mouth, shoulders heaving. Nanami's mouth twitched, before a deep, hearty chuckle emerged from his chest. Before long, the two elderly men had doubled over, Gojo's angry expression apparently too much for them to handle.

"I ... haven't laughed like this since ..."

"Oh, oh, please. My bladder ... isn't what it used to be."

This set them off on a fresh round of laughter, which struck Gojo out of his stupor. He rapped the table sharply with his walking stick.

"Oi! Are you two assholes forgetting who's keeping everyone safe right now?"

"With what? The power of your Infinite Diaper?"

Megumi got between Gojo and the others before the purple glow he'd seen forming around the old sorcerer's hand could take out half the room.

"Let's just ... calm down. We need to find a way out of this technique. Any ideas?"

Nobara was looking at him in a way he didn't like at all. She came forward, a small, dangerous smile playing around her lips.

"And who made you boss, baby boy? I'm your elder now, and you do what I say."

It was Megumi's turn to lose his temper.

"Like hell I will!"

"Oh, I'm going to enjoy this. Now tell us your idea while you give me a back rub."

Maki grunted from her place on the floor.

"And when you're done with her, come crack my neck for me. Feels kinda stiff."

Gojo immediately forgot his feud with the two cackling sorcerers opposite him.

"Hey, Megumiiiii, I'm your sensei. You gotta listen to me first. Be a good boy and break this cupcake up for me. Then take out all the choc chips. I wanna eat them separately, cos they'll get stuck in my gums."

Feeling his blood pressure suddenly skyrocket, Megumi swore violently in his head at the crackpot curse user who had thought this would be a good use of their time and useless technique. If any of these old coots died, it would probably be by his own two hands.

[backstepping]

gege gave him those eyes and those lashes and then went: why are people obsessed with him????

[planetsandmagic]

Red

[suguru-getos]

The first time Satoru sees you naked he has the same expression as a 4yo going to an amusement park. Mouth agape and watering, jaw slacked almost unhinged as he blushes. You were feeling a bit insecure given his-- well, past. He’s definitely fucked models and almost everyone he wanted. A reaction like that definitely threw you off- for good. ;)

“Fuck- I’ll kill anyone who has seen you like this. Ex boyfriend names right now Princess.” He gets unhinged with his compliments too.  You found that out soon enough.

“Shut up, you’re so dramatic” You scoff, rolling your eyes and trying to pretend your flustered cheeks are his delusion. “I’m serious. Gonna keep you to myself. Not let anyone see you-” Satoru realizes he’s almost getting too carried away. "Sorry- you know you’re dating a possessive motherfu-”

“Yes, I do.”

[hinamie]

happy s2 day it's go(jo) time :>

[yutamayo]

you can't tell me he wasn't thinking maybe if I remind Geto's body of what I look like on my knees he'll come back

[fujimiiiya]

There's no way Gege made Yuji with such a cute face and voluptuous sexxy body, then give him a beautiful, angel-like soul, good at cooking, then surround them with unhinged men who easily got weird attachment to him...not to mean something

On top of that, he seems to be good at house chores too as seen how since a little kid, he could whip up his own milk tea, shovel snow outside, etc. He must've helped Grampa around the house a lot since kid. Then he also took care of sickly Grampa...so good at taking care of others.

What more can you want from a wife, really...

[envy-of-the-apple]

idk how to explain it buuut these two gojo fics rn satisfy such a hyperspecific trope for me and i NEED more fics with these kinda vibes *bats eyelashes and twirls hair*:

Pleaser by tacitoru

Saltburn by CreaseEvans

[kenm4vhs]

my favorite type of gojo

[pussysidon]

I love Nanami because he's definitely familiar with Japanese social customs (i.e respecting your superiors and what not) and he just chooses not to

[ih8simps]

Slightly unhinged/ yandere Gojo (x reader)

“Nanami”

“No”

“Na-Na-Mi” you cooed.

“Again, no” he sighed exasperatedly.

It had been exactly 20 minutes since you began following the sorcerer from Jujutsu tech and you were already giving the senior teacher a head ache.

“Oh come on. What would be so bad about having lunch with me?” You contorted your face into the visage of a pout. Since childhood, this had been the face that broke Nanami’s resolve every time. His eyes danced across your face for a moment, and it almost seemed like he was going to crack.

“No”

“But-“

“Just listen. I can’t. I don’t want to have to argue with him again. He’s just as annoying as you are”

Your face fell. He was always the wedge between you and anything you wanted.

“He doesn’t have a say in who I get to hang out with. Nanami you used to be my-“ the onset of your tantrum was stopped by a warm hand engulfing your arm. His grip on you was sudden yet firm.

“Who doesn’t have a say?” His voice was smooth like velvet and the soft hum of his voice sent a chill down your spine.

“And Nanami was what to you, again?” The grip on your arm tightened with every syllable that fell from his lips. You couldn’t form a tangible thought in his presence. His sudden intrusion left you feeling suddenly very unsafe. When did he get here? How did you not sense his presence?

The intel you received a few days ago said that Satoru Gojo would be far from jujutsu tech. He was supposed to be so far away that he shouldn’t even be able to sense you. How was he here? Did he ever really leave? Why did the informant lie?

Hearing Nanami’s deep sigh pulled you from your thoughts.

“I’m leaving. See you around, (y/n)”. The moment he turned on his heel to leave, your heart began to sputter. Panic began to rise in your bosom. You couldn’t be left alone with Gojo, not even in public.

“Na-nanami. Wait. Please”. The slight pitch to your voice must have coaxed him. He let out another exasperated sigh. It seemed that he was thinking deeply about something. He slowly turned back around to see you pulled closely to Gojo.

“You know. It would be nice to have a meal with you both.” he made sure to loudly enunciate the last word. Both.

If anyone knew of the possessive and obsessive nature of Gojo, it was Nanami. Since childhood he had noticed the way Satoru interacted with you. His gaze was always fixed on you a little too long and his hand always found some way to keep a hold onto you. It was no secret that Gojo had been unparalleled in his all consuming obsession with you.

Nanami was there the day young Satoru Gojo proclaimed to all of the students, although there were so few, that anyone who was dumb enough to get too close to you would have to get through him first. That day was the last real day of your individual freedom.

As the strongest son born into the family, it was clear that Satoru was going to be the next head of his clan. He never truly flaunted his status or threw around his influence. The day he proclaimed you as his, he was simply voicing what he considered to be obvious.

It didn’t seem that his message had the impact he intended because 2 weeks after his announcement, he saw you gallivanting around Tokyo with a new beau. Satoru didn’t even register what the boy looked like before he ripped you away from him. He said nothing as he dragged you away from him. The iron grip he had on your arm felt like he was truly trying to crush you.

Some part of you believed that was the day Satoru truly had lost his mind when it came to you. A week after that you realized that your family had been acting strange. Your father had more meetings than ever before and your mother seemed to be lost in deep thought at all hours of the day. The unspoken issue in your home came to a fever pitch when your parents finally broke the news. The Gojo clan had requested something from your family that only they could supply.

“Satoru wants you” your mother whispered, tightly grasping your hand. “H-he has threatened taking rash action if we decline” she continued, not even allowing you a moment to question her words.

“I’ve been meeting with the clan every day and it seems that he wants nothing else. There is no way to keep you from doing this, (y/n)” your father’s voice came out low and shaky. You realized you’d never seen him look so defeated. “I offered them many things, but they cannot decline a request from the next head of the family. He’s offered not only to take care of you, but the rest of our family as well. The only thing he wants in return is you. He’s quite adamant” he mumbled shaking his head in what looked like disbelief.

Time seemed to freeze as you took in his words. You’d been practically sold off to Satoru. You knew he had a powerful position, but you didn’t know he could just get his way like this. Every part of your body shivered in anger and disgust. He was like a plague or a natural disaster. He swept through a place and destroyed everything in its path.

Life was never the same after that. All of your things were moved to the Gojo compound and you began your life as Satoru’s ‘special guest’.

11 years later and you were still under his constant watch. There were days and moments when you felt like you were truly alone but those moments were short lived. The longest you had gone without being under those all seeing eyes was three months. Those were three of the most comfortable months of your life, but today because you were summoned by the higher ups, that comfort was surely over.

“(Y/n) can’t go to any meals with you today actually” if you didn’t know him, you’d think his tone was calm but that was quite the contrary. Satoru was seething. You’d been missing from his sight for three full months. He’d want everything from you now, including an explanation.

You carefully turned your gaze to his. “But Gojo I-“

A look of pure rage swept past his opalescent eyes and you knew instantly that you’d made a mistake. You were never supposed to call him that. It took him years to break you out of that habit and in only three months you were back to square one.

“We’ll have to take a rain check” he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, “we have things to discuss”.

[ddarker-dreams]

thinking about gojo turning his infinity off in the yan AU of golden girl, placing gg MC's hand over his heart, and telling her that if she 'wants to get rid of him so bad,' now's her chance ......................................

[backstepping]

same smug brat energy

[demonslayerunhinged]

I think one of the reasons a lot of people feel so strongly about the SaneGiyuu ship is because we feel like it is one of those ships that would be canon if homosexuality in Japan was culturally accepted. Like the Geto and Gojo ship.

If one of them was a girl, they would already be an established couple. I mean people can ship whoever they want but let's be fucking for real right now, the straight ships don't get a quarter of the amount of push back and negative comments that the queer ones do.

It really speaks to the amount of misogyny and homophobia that's rampant in the anime community.

People love to give excuses like:

They're not canon.

Demon slayer is a shonen anime and doesn't have romance.

It seems forced.

Ships are unnecessary, frivolous, stupid.

I don't like it. (Can you tell that these are from Reddit? I made a whole list.)

To these people I say:

Who are you to tell others what they should and shouldn't like?

Who are you to tell us how we should and shouldn't interprete the characters that we love, identify with and are connected to?

Why do you feel the need to control people's behavior to fit your own narrow, close minded and boring point of view?

It's incredibly stupid and invalidates the experiences and connections that us queer fans have with these characters.

Gotogue poured so much thought and love into the creation of her characters and to just limit them to superficial aspects is doing the characters, the story and her a great disservice. Demon slayer is a love story and a celebration of love.

Plus shipping is fun. Let people enjoy things!

[merculuros]

i headcanon that satoru is into men who can actually kill him

[epickiya722]

How different the imagine spots Nanami and Mei Mei have about Gojo is too funny because while both are thinking about how crazy strong and unhinged Gojo can be, these are the images.