#going with dean was more painful than a memory where dean failed to save him and cas was reaching out to him desperately. and he couldn’t

[sunforgrace]

dean “reacts in new, interesting, fucked up ways to losing cas” winchester and they’re telling me that has nothing to do with nothing in the finale after cas literally confessed his romantic love the act of which was his moment of true happiness and subsequent sacrificial death. haha okay

[antigonewinchester]

13x15

It is weird, having seen so many takes on the later seasons, to watch this ep and see Dabb & Singer lay out their underlying themes and “thesis” of the show in a very obvious & explicit way. Obvs there’s the benefit of hindsight here, being able to put this ep in the context of Dabb/Singer’s ending, but you really can see a ton of the rest of the story here, up to the series finale.

SAM So, this is what we’ve come to? Thieves? DEAN Hey, you want the blood, right? Well… besides, the thing’s already stolen. SAM Really? That’s your rationale? DEAN Hey, I’m not perfect. And by the way, neither are you, okay? Oh, so, what? Now you’re above a little, uh, chicanery? Look, this isn’t a perfect world we’re trying to save, okay. And if I’m not perfect trying to save it, then so be it. Come on. You with me or not? … DEAN Yeah, well, the world’s a screwed place, padre. What are you gonna do about it? FATHER LUCCA Change it. DEAN Yeah, good luck with that. FATHER LUCCA It’s not about luck, son. It’s about effort. All the time, I hear people saying the world’s not perfect. And they’re right. It’s not. But do you use that as an excuse? Do you use it to excuse your own sins? Your failings and your laziness? Do you use it to give a bad man power, because the world’s not perfect? Or do you work? Do you try and improve things in whatever way you can? Guys, the world will never be perfect, but if good men do good things, it can be better. Every day can get better. [SAM smiles as he listens.]

In Dabb and Singer’s framing, Dean and Sam represent opposing ideas: Dean = the world’s screwed up and that won’t change, Sam = the world’s screwed up and it can get better. The show validates and believes Sam’s view, both in this ep (Sam convinces Dean to help Father Lucca and he ends up being a “most holy man,” meaning they can take his blood to use in their spell) and ultimately in the show as a whole (Jack becomes God and changes the world for the better: making it so Heaven is a place where everyone can be together instead of trapped in their memories, or that everyone gets what they “deserve” instead of being dragged around by Chuck). The whole, “bring characters back so they can redeem themselves” also fits into this schema, in terms of the ‘everyone can do better’ idea.

13x16

The show’s exaggeration of Dean’s characterization - funny horny hungry guy! - does better in cartoon form than live-action, at least.

13x17

DEAN Jinkies! [Sam looks disgusted at the Scooby Doo reference, but Dean raises his eyebrows, clearly pleased with himself.] SAM You’re going to stop saying that eventually, right? DEAN I don’t know. Probably not. Look, (he claps his hand in enthusiasm) Let’s go!

Why doesn’t Sam like Dean’s jokes more? Or why don’t the writers write Sam liking Dean’s jokes more, I suppose. I get Sam being annoyed by Dean’s post-it notes, but why not have him being amused by Dean’s Scooby Doo joke? It makes Sam feel like he has a stick up his ass in a way I don’t think is intended. Let the brothers goof with each other :(

ASMODEUS Do you? Because you say you have this code, this Men of Letters code, handed down for centuries. But wait. Wait a minute. You work for me. You act like you’re this cold-blooded killer. [Asmodeus crouches down in front of Ketch.] But you know what I see when I look in your eyes. Fear. And regret. And pain. I see your chewy middle, boy. You want redemption, but you ain’t never gonna get it. Your kind -- our kind -- we can’t be redeemed. All we can do is spread out pain around. So no, you don’t know who you are. But I do. Which is why no matter where you go, no matter what you do, you’re mine.

Thinking about how Dean & Ketch were foils in S12... this dialogue here is revealing, I think, for how the writers saw Dean in later seasons. From what I know, there’s a very “redemption = death” take in later seasons (w/ Gabriel in S13, and then Rowena & Ketch in S15, and what a coincidence, Dean dies too at the end of S15, too, doesn’t he) and there’s the set up for that here w/ Ketch. I’ve seen a lot of talk of the writers “hating” Dean, but I just don’t think the writers ‘hating’ Dean really gets at why they characterized him the way they did. It’s been frustrating to sort thru, because I do have issues w/ the characterization/framing for both Dean and Sam (since they’re so interconnected as characters) but I’ve also never seen an analysis of later seasons that seems to fully get at what’s going on w/ the characters, themes, etc. I guess. Hmm. It’s like fandom either totally denies what the text is saying -- Dean is OOC in later seasons, he’d never do that!! -- or they make it 100x worse -- Dean is a sadistic abusive person, he loves killing/revenge!! -- and neither of those are right to me.

Gabriel with his mouth sewn shut, I see that reference to Loki/Norse mythology. Creepy & effective.

13x18

The show “bringing back” characters as Apocalypse World characters is a pretty cheap trick, huh.

SAM Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it's safer inside. No more torture. No more pain. No more expectations. I've been there. You were nothing like your family. You sure as hell weren't like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I-I thought I got out. But then... then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you. [pleading] Gabriel, I need you. So, please, help us.

Mmh. Speaking of how later seasons characterizes Sam, well. Like earlier from S12, the way Sam is framed here makes sense when looked at from S8 onward, and not as much going earlier than that.

Also I am cackling at how the Sam - Gabriel dialogue mirrors the Dean - Cas crypt scene from 8x17. The talk about family, the “We need you. I need you.” Were the writers aware of the Sabriel shippers/how popular it was in fandom at a time?

[twofrontteethstillcrooked]

1 Oct. Suptober: Harvest

"Going to have a proper harvest for once," she said. The other witch laughed in agreement. "Think of the price we'll fetch for pure angel grace."

post-15x09 au snippetfic; deancas, samwena 

"Get the fuck away from him," Cas rasped, and it was the swear as much as the simple fact of Cas being alive that caused Dean to gasp and open his eyes.

He'd screwed them shut in anticipation of a killing blow that never landed. The witch had reeled around and away from Dean toward Cas, and the dagger in her hand glinted in the one of bar of light that was piercing through the boarded up basement window.

Dungeon window, more like. Cave window. The darkness made it difficult to determine where exactly Cas was in relation to Dean. A few feet away? Way on the other side of the room, maybe still half slumped against the spiderwebbed stone wall? Dean tried, and failed, to stand. Something was oozing into his right eye; his legs wobbled like the floor was made of bouncy house.

"Cas," he said once without the sound reaching his own ears. He fell backwards, wooden slats splintering on his weight.

In the dusty beam, the tip of Cas's angel blade blazed like a falling star that blinked out as the second witch holding it stalked into the dark again. 

Dean heard her guttered low cackle, as though she were a radio station the dial had finally properly tuned. His whole body went cold. 

"Going to have a proper harvest for once," she said. The other witch laughed in agreement. "Think of the price we'll fetch for pure angel grace."

"And feathers," the other crowed, before beginning a frantic chant in a language Dean did not recognize.

"Feathers, yessss." The witch's hiss poured like venom into Dean's veins. 

His eyes had adjusted only enough to see the angel blade raised high, and, somehow, the shadow of Cas's wings spread singed and mangled on the wall.

"Or perhaps both wings."

No, Dean thought. No, no, no, no. Please, no.

"We can hack them off at the--"

She'd stopped talking because her head was whizzing past Dean's own. He might have yelped in the effort to dodge it. Overhead fluorescent light banged into the room. Rowena stood in the door, arm raised like she was hoisting an invisible car over a fence; the witch who still had a head had crumpled to the ground. Sam stood over the beheaded body, breathing heavily and wild eyed as a banshee, small sword still aloft dripping red.

The witch on the floor squeaked once, like a mouse stepped on by a particularly pointed heel, and fell silent. 

From beneath her now unmoving form, what seemed like a mere pool of ink spread and spread until it almost touched Dean's boot.

He couldn't catch his breath. The room was quiet like a roar and he could not stand up. He thought to rub at the wetness in his eye and found the substance was sticky. Pressing harder made fire race into his eye socket and up his temple.

Sam was moving towards him, weapon thrown down with a clatter, but Cas arrived first, his face, wracked with fear and dappled with blood across his cheekbone, swimming into view as he knelt.

If his was the last face Dean was ever to see, Dean could take some comfort in it. He refused to close his eyes again.

"Hey, buddy," Dean said, smiling lopsided and rueful. 

Cas's hand fell to cup Dean's jaw like a blessing; it turned out Dean was lying down, though Dean had no memory of seeking earth. 

Cas's other thumb rubbed across Dean's forehead like he was tracing runes onto Dean's skin. Dean felt something crackle beneath his bones: for a split-second, his heart stopped, suspended in pain. The next second was like being punched out of a cannon -- he sat up and nearly knocked his newly healed skull directly into Cas's.

"Dean," Cas breathed in relief despite the pallor of his complexion and the way his hands shook as they pulled away from Dean. Then: "Thank you," he told Sam, who nodded and hauled him to his feet by the elbows before reaching to do the same for Dean.

Sam patted Dean on the shoulder. Rowena stepped around the puddle of witch and grinned her smug grin. 

Cas looked at Dean like he might vanish and Dean returned the stare until he had to look away or… Or. 

There was crimson on the sleeve of Cas's trench, in a crease.

Rowena and Sam collected the angel blade, the dagger, the gory sword. Dean collected himself. He followed Cas's heavier than usual trudge up the stairs and into the coming dusk. The ache of wanting to gather Cas into his arms followed him all the way back to the motel.

In the other room, Sam was talking to Jack on the phone while Rowena hooted. Well, that's what it sounded like she was doing anyway, and since there was a child in the mix, albeit a twenty-something toddler who was 90 miles away, hooting was by far the least concerning noise she could have been making.

Not that Dean in any way was going to ponder what other sounds she might choose to unleash in a room also containing his brother. He sat on the edge of the bed nearest the bathroom and stared at the three jack o'lantern sized pumpkins that he and Cas had bought at a roadside stand a few hours before the case went witch-shaped. He envisioned the pumpkins with toothy grins and chose not to think about anything else with such effort it was a miracle he wasn't carving the gourds psychically.

Cas came out of the bathroom sans trenchcoat -- which was to say, almost naked -- and with a clean face. He sat down beside Dean carefully. "How are you feeling?" He looked at Dean with soft eyes, like Dean was the only concern worth voicing.

After a moment, Cas sighed into the space Dean was supposed to have filled.

"I guess," Dean started. He gave his own sigh. "We've fixed a lot of things, recently, haven't we?"

Cas tipped his head, waiting for Dean to continue.

"Like. Chuck's out there. But. Jack has his soul. Rowena isn't dead. You don't have a deal with the freakin Empty dogging your heels bad as a pack of hellhounds." Dean curled his fingers like his hands were going to betray him somehow; his throat felt full of glass. "You gotta stop saving me, man."

Cas took a breath like Dean had struck him. A variety of memories of actually hitting Cas -- blood crisscrossing, bruises blooming -- flashed through Dean so quickly he almost retched. 

He was trying to keep his mouth closed and his treacherous stomach obedient when Cas said, "You cannot ask me not to help when I can still help."

"You're the one who said I wasn't listening about your powers--" He held up a hand against the protest he could see Cas about to make. "And you were right. I dunno what to do about it, but I know you havin' to heal my dumb ass nine times a week isn't makin' things better."

Dean could see Cas's eyes were wet.

The shards in Dean's throat made it hard to speak. "You're worth more to us, to me, than just what you can do as a powered-up angel." He nudged Cas's knee with his own. "You know that, right? Not that I'm not grateful as hell for you fixing me up tonight, 'cause I am. Grateful, I mean."

He looked at Cas, whose exhaustion seemed to be draped around him like a cloak. Dean was tired too, and not just from the major brain injury he'd sustained earlier. He’d wasted so much time not saying certain things, not letting certain things happen; he’d protected the wrong things, maybe, or maybe the right thing the wrong ways.

Maybe he could blame lingering effects, illusory or otherwise, on what he chose to do next. 

Cas, he prayed, you might have died tonight. We… I. I almost lost you again. 

A prayer continued, whispered: Please let me hold you.

Beside him, Cas startled, looked over at him. Searched Dean's eyes and shook his head just a little, as though he could not believe what he'd heard -- as though having hoped, but misheard, was too agonizing a possibility to endure.

"Please," Dean said, sliding an arm around Cas's back, sliding himself closer on the mattress until he'd vanished the space between them.

Cas turned into Dean's arms. "I almost lost you again tonight too." His voice brimmed with tears. He hooked his chin over Dean's shoulder and Dean soothed his hands over the blades of Cas's shoulders. He thought of the shadow of those majestic, tattered wings, and held on more tightly. 

He and Cas rested like that, trembling, for what seemed like an hour or more, neither of them willing to let go. When sitting upright became less comfortable, they reclined together on top of the polyester comforter patterned in pinecones. Cas tucked himself into the hollow of Dean's body, as though he had done it before somewhere other than in Dean's imagination. Dean pressed his face into Cas's soft hair and let his eyes burn as they would.

None of it solved anything; it was simply more right than anything Dean had felt in a very long time.

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

I would like to ask for an MC x vivienne taking care of a MC that almost died

Pairing with: can i ask, vivienne saying she loves her son? ❤️

Headcanons for Vivienne and MC’s child being born.

can i request a fic where it essentially documents the first few weeks of life for vivienne and mc’s baby

...

Warning: Mentions of blood.

...

To say the Poppy was excited was an understatement.

Vivienne liked to think that she was the child’s #1 fan but Jett and Remy seemed determined to one-up her in every possible way.

The nursery was utter chaos in the first few months only because the three of them were trying to decide what was best and utterly failing.

Eventually Vivienne won because of “parent privileges”, as Jett indignantly called it.

MC found their enthusiasm cute, but was glad the rest of the Poppy were ultimately respecting their “parent privileges”.

The closer the ninth month got, the more anxious the Poppy became.

The ninth month ended up not happening at all.

Just shy of 38 weeks pregnant, MC woke up one night to blood.

It hadn’t been much, at first. She had looked at it and felt stone-cold worry set in her stomach, unsure of what to do for a few seconds before rushing to wake up Vivienne.

The seductress’ initial response was instant panic. She made sure to keep composed on the outside, to help MC as they hurried to wake up Leon and go to the hospital as fast as they could, to murmur comforting words even as more blood came rushing out, painting MC’s legs like a whisper of death.

She needed to be MC’s rock. She needed to mask the panic that swirled in her chest like angry waves.

Leon drove like a madman, thankful for the late hour and the lack of cars.

MC’s expression was pure, pale horror. Her eyes kept darting around, tiny pinpricks the color of faded dreams, and Vivienne clutched her hand and hoped for the best even as her gaze got stuck in the pool of blood slowly gathering on the floor, even as MC’s face contorted in pain due to contractions.

“You’ll be okay,” she murmurs, calm, calm, even if her mind is screaming, please be okay, please, both of you, please, I don’t know what I would do if I lose you, please—

The doctors act as fast as they can. Vivienne crumbles when they take MC, incredibly unsettled now that she doesn’t know what’s happening. Leon calls Nikolai—predictably awake, but away in the Underbelly—to explain everything in detail.

It had been a close call, says the doctor, for the both of them. It had been a race to save the baby (the umbilical cord snug around his neck like a deadly snake) and then MC, from blood loss. It had been a placental abruption.

The recovery goes well. Vivienne thanks the doctors time and time again, legs shaky with relief and lingering fear.

The Poppy helps, immensely. Zoe is initially busy with erasing all traces, but she’s ultimately Vivienne’s rock through it all.

The baby remains in the hospital for a week, though MC is released earlier. Elizabeth makes it a point to curl at MC’s feet and remain nailed there like a wingless angel, fiercely protective.

Vivienne spends most of her time traveling between the hospital and home, checking in on both of them.

The baby is as frail as an autumn leaf, but still a precious sight. Vivienne gazes at him and finally understands what Dean must have felt, all those years ago, and vows right there and then to never be such an awful parent.

At home, Vivienne leans against MC—just slightly, a butterfly’s touch—and murmurs sweet things as she measures MC’s fever, a reaction from the blood transfusion, though thankfully nothing serious. Maybe it’s a lingering perception of hers, but MC looks paler, exhausted. She does everything she can to support her.

Zoe jokes that Vivienne is truly worried if she hasn’t cracked a horny joke all week. Vivienne glares at her the rest of the dinner, while MC cackles up, a loving softness in her eyes.

The most glorious day is when the baby finally gets to come home.

Everyone had obsessively revised the house more than once. There was not a sharp, pointy object in sight.

Vivienne holds the baby against her chest when he cries, supporting his head and gently shushing him, marveling over this tiny life, this beautiful being.

He looks at her like she’s a puzzle, frowning his pretty brown eyes and moving his clenched fists owlishly, and Vivienne looks at him like he’s the greatest treasure she would ever hold.

“Hey there, little guy,” she murmurs against the quiet of the night, smile wide and brilliant like a star. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re okay.”

She laughs at the way his eyes widen at her voice, at the way he goes quiet and still, as if stunned by the sound.

“I love you,” she says, “I love you.”

MC almost squeals at the sight. She could almost melt over how cute this is, but decides to bite her lip, not wanting to ruin the moment. She continues to gaze silently as Vivienne continues to lull him to sleep, and silently saves the memory in her mind where she’ll replay it time and time again.

[mittensmorgul]

Hello!

I‘m a new „fan“ who has watched Supernatural over the last few months and have since read through a lot of posts (which was delightful) and I have a question on your opinion on how „Carry On Wayward Son“ influenced 15.20.

After thinking way too much about the show including the finale, I listened to „Carry On Wayward Son“ again and had that thought that the finale felt like a music video for that song. (I mean, it obviously doesn’t feel that way but that was my thought at hearing the lyrics after having finished the show).

It’s just that even while hearing it the previous times, I thought: ‚Hmm, peace is not really what they are striving for…‘ I mean, no one does not want peace but they have been spending the whole 15th season fighting for freedom, peace vs freedom was a Huge theme for season 4/5, in season 11, it’s reinforced again that eternal peace (or something like that) is not something that „we“ (especially Dean) want.

And then there’s the „surely Heaven waits for you“ thing. And also „but I flew too high“. That doesn’t apply to 15.20 but it still fits the vibe.

The thing that confused me the most, even right after the end, was how they did such an 180 degree to welcoming peace and heaven when these have been antagonists the whole time. And it just coincidentally features in the song. That was played twice in the episode. And inspires the name of the episode.

I just wondered how much the theme song influenced the writing decision unconsciously and I‘ve been searching and have found no posts regarding this, so I figured I‘d try to ask you if you have an opinion regarding this. :)

(I love that song by the way - I‘m not blaming it for that ending :))

Thanks for taking the time! (And for everything else on your blog - it’s amazing! The analyses etc.)

p.s. This is my first time doing anything active on tumblr, so I apologise if I got a policy wrong..

Hi there! I know it's been like a month since you sent this, and I'm sorry it took so long to answer (between gish and then catching back up on life post-gish), but I didn't want to half-ass a reply. You did fine with your question! And I only hope my delay in answering didn't give you the wrong impression. <3

The one thing I would add to your observations above that I think makes the finale fail on every level for me personally is the fact that in the end, what the characters were left with wasn't what they themselves would've defined as their ideal of peace OR freedom.

I will always go back and point to Dean's angry speech to Cas in 4.22 that pushed Cas into his first conscious and complete act of rebellion against the script:

CASTIEL: Try to understand -- this is long foretold. This is your...

DEAN: Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families -- that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?

CASTIEL: What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.

DEAN: You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it.

What did Dean get in the end? Stepford bitch in paradise.

He never got true freedom. Cas got the freedom to make his own choice and it got him eternal nothingness tinged with regret. Sam got a depressing half-life raising Replacement!Dean with a faceless woman and a bad wig.

After years of building up to each of them answering the question: "If you could truly choose your own LIFE, what would you do?" NONE of them got to really choose in the end. Death is the end of free will and freedom, even in the remodeled version of heaven where you can make new memories. You can't have both peace and freedom, there is always compromise. The show has been hammering that in since s1. Then all of that just... evaporates in the finale. It's like once the characters had true freedom and Chuck lost his power to meddle, we still had to watch Chuck's final entry into the story because he had no more power to "write their actual lives for them." It's easy for me to disregard the final episode based on that alone. We in our universe lost our window into their universe the moment Chuck was defeated, and everything that came after was Chuck's terrible writing and not what really happened.

At least... that's how I've internalized it so the final 45 minutes of the series or so wouldn't destroy my love for all the rest of it, and burn my understanding of these characters, their hopes and dreams and wants and happiness, entirely to the ground.

Chuck was never about freedom. He thought they should have peace when they were done, but his concept of what that would mean to these beings who actually DO have free will outside the confines of his story is just... so entirely off the mark as to be laughable to me.

[deans-haunted-baby]

Dadstiel Shoulder Touch Analysis

I want to take some time to discuss something about this incredible father/son dynamic that I don’t think gets enough recognition. And that is their connection. A connection layered in so many different attributes yet primarily based on physical touch. Apologies this is going to be long. Despite my saltiness towards Supernatural as I feel the show squandered them during its run, I really love the amount of attention to detail that was put into Castiel and Jack’s relationship. It kind of has a Terminator inspired vibe going on which I can’t deny enjoying. The bodyguard and the future savior of mankind. And this bond was in development all the way back in season 12; long before Jack was born. 

During 12x19 it’s through his mother Kelly, that the son of Lucifer forges an emotional attachment with the trench-coated angel whom he imprints on to be his surrogate dad. From the moment Castiel puts his hand on her belly, and feels Jack, they instantly fall in love with each other. At first touch. Trusting each other completely without the slightest bit of doubt as they sense the other’s good aura. It’s a devotion unlike anything Cas has ever experienced in his millions of years. Even more than what he’s felt for Sam and Dean. And it happens before he and Jack even get to see each other. Their bond becomes intensely essential that it boosts Castiel’s grace, allowing him to protect Kelly and her son from Dagon as well as cause a rip in time and space.

After Jack is born and in the care of the Winchesters, scared, lost and confused yet curious as an infant in an adolescent body; the child wanders aimlessly searching for Castiel. All he wants in that moment is to be with Castiel because that is who he recognizes as his father. Missing him and needing to feel that same warmth, protection and compassion he felt from inside his mother’s womb. However, following the tragic circumstances that led to the angel’s unexpected death at the hands of Jack’s biological dad in 12x23, these two are forcibly separated in the beginning of season 13. Until Jack instinctively resurrects Castiel out of the Empty through his own will and desire alone at the very end of 13x03. Proving that no matter how far away they are, the tether between them can’t be broken.

These two don’t even need an introduction from Sam and Dean when 13x06 finally reunites them for the first time. Jack immediately knows who Castiel is going off on his mother’s memories. And their reunion comes so naturally. There’s no awkwardness, no hesitation or apprehensiveness emanating from the angel’s presence. Jack just walks right up to Cas, puts his arms around him and tells him how much he missed him. Its as if they’d never been apart. And afterwards they spend nearly the entire episode practically inseparable. Getting to know each other as father and son. And that goes without saying, while Jack did bond with the Winchesters in person first, there is no comparison to the Nephilim boy’s emotional attachment towards the angel.

This special relationship is very significant to both of them. Around each other they’re at their most happiest. Castiel is constantly at Jack’s side; and ALMOST ALWAYS tenderly touching him, namely his shoulders or protectively holding him by the arm and the child wholly reciprocates this. In Castiel’s gentle physical touch Jack is given a sense of security, solace, reassurance and comfort. Same as he’d had as an unborn baby. Not only is this the angel’s way of demonstrating his affection, empathy and devotion towards his son but this is actually how he non-verbally tells Jack that he loves him. Its purely unconditional. And this gesture isn’t one-sided as I will acknowledge later. Jack desires Cas’s tangible nearness as much as his dad does which is why they’re so magnetically pulled together in all of their scenes on the show. 

Even when they’re at conflict with each other or arguing, Castiel never fails to let Jack know that he’s always safe and loved. That he isn’t afraid of him. His son could be in pain, angry, or vengeful in the moment and Castiel’s affection for that child will never waver. He’ll endlessly put his own life at risk in order to reach Jack; who is far more powerful than he is via his archangel half. Like the convivence store scene in 13x23 when Jack attacks a civilian believing he’d killed his friend and Cas does his best to subdue him. Whether Jack wants it or not at the time, he needs his dad’s emotional support; and the angel can’t stand the thought of his son harmed or hurting. He’s easily saddened whenever Jack refuses his touch as shown in 13x21 when he was very upset over Sam’s temporary death and rips away Cas’s hand as he’s trying to console him.

Supernatural really emphasizes the powerful connection Castiel and Jack share using physical communication in nearly every one of their episodes. Its these wonderful details they do onscreen that illustrates the depth of love these characters have for each other. Unfortunately though, they didn’t get to interact much during season 13. Yet the small portions in their four episodes together is exceptionally substantial. While we’re on the subject, the shoulder touches are definitely a Dadstiel thing. It’s their signature sign of affection and theirs’s only. Don’t believe me, let me give you an example of a specific scene in 14x19 between Jack and Sam; which takes place in the aftermath of Jack’s accidental killing of the Winchesters’ mother Mary.

Dean and Sam conspire to trick and lock away the soulless infant Nephilim in a mystical coffin as punishment with the intention of finding a solution that will end his life. Sam is the reluctant main player in this scheme of using his influence over the child in order to gain his trust and sway him into his fate. Just before Jack’s about to be led to the room and put into the box, scared and uncertain, Sam then puts his hand on his shoulder telling him they need to keep him safe while giving him an awkward grin. And look at Jack’s expression as this happens. It reads shattered. He immediately knows something’s wrong. Sam is touching him just like Castiel…except this is nothing like Castiel. His dad’s shoulder touches are always so tender and loving. 

Jack can literally feel Cas’s devotion for him in every tangibility. But here he doesn’t feel that from Sam at all. Its cold, fearful and empty just like he is on the inside. Rendering him even more nervous. Speaking of season 14 the father/son content we get between Castiel and Jack is even better that year as its all about their relationship growing and strengthening into something far deeper than it was in the previous seasons 12 and 13. It’s the year their bond is put through the ultimate test. Where Jack is made human after Lucifer steals his grace and Cas dominantly steps into his role as a father.  

Providing Jack with a certain guidance, boundaries, and stability in episodes 14x01, 14x02, 14x03, 14x09 and 14x10 unlike what he’d received from Sam and Dean. Castiel takes on all the difficult tasks of parenting ranging from scolding to teaching his son about death, responsibility, self-restraint, patience and the tribulations of growing up. He doesn’t raise his voice ever when he speaks to Jack. And is completely there 100% for his son from the beginning…and the end of his life. Although Castiel is an angel he is very much a pivotal link to Jack’s humanity and vice versa as well as a link to his celestial side. While he greatly admires and looks up to the Winchesters, its through Cas’s influence that the infant Nephilim aspires to be a good person. 

Jack never wants to become the monster his biological father was; desperate to break out of that mold once in for all. And he isn’t alone. Castiel is right there with Jack every step of the way. Ready to challenge and encourage his son whenever he does something decent or makes a mistake. He doesn’t hesitate to tell his son when he’s proud of him. And sometimes he’s there to coddle Jack during times of crisis as displayed in the 14x09 showdown with AU!Michael where the angel takes a second to heal Jack’s minor facial wounds. I just love that tiny focal point of Cas in the background, as the Winchesters are talking, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder before using his powers on him. As if to keep him calm; like a parent reassuring their nervous kid that it won’t hurt.

Throughout the first part of season 14 we’re blessed with so much affectionate Dadstiel moments like the after-the-battle angst talk in 14x01 where Castiel reminds a very frustrated Jack “you’ve got me” as he declares he has nothing. Or 14x08 after Jack’s death and they’re bittersweetly reunited in Heaven with Kelly; all smiles, touching shoulders and hugging each other as if they can’t bear to be separated. Followed with that heartfelt moment of Castiel tenderly touching his son’s cheeks, sadly looking at him with so much adoration, as he sends his soul back to his body. Then there was their unforgettable father/son pep talk in regards to the vulnerability of Jack’s soul; Castiel just gives his son’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he leaves the room. Again, this is how these two say “I love you”.

And I couldn’t very go in depth of this analysis without mentioning 14x20′s Jack death scene 2.0; Castiel helplessly touches his son, who’s screaming on the ground in agony, trying desperately to ease his suffering. Yah this was particularly very hard for me to watch witnessing Castiel going out of his mind, completely unable to save Jack from enduring such a painful end to his life. Once was already cruel enough on me. And of course 15x01 continued that vicious trend of Castiel harrowingly protecting his son’s corpse, carrying him over the shoulder in a fireman’s hold as he runs through the cemetery, then gently lays him down on the floor in a mausoleum. I get emotional watching Cas cradling Jack’s head as he positions him comfortably; letting his touch linger unable to let go. He doesn’t even care what happens to him in this moment as long as his son’s body is safe. Very strong symbolism of a parent who will never abandon their child long after they’re gone. 

On a side note I want to quickly call attention to how much I revere the Dadstiel healing parallels in 14x09 and 14x14 plus BONUS: Jack almost-killing Castiel in 15x13 so he can talk to Ruby in the Empty. These just add some nice little textures in their dynamic which compliments their ongoing tradition of showing devotion through physical communication. And both the healing scenes and the temporary death scene are composited very similarly. Focused on Castiel and Jack’s hands in the process of relieving the other’s pain/life. 

Touch is exhibited as being a very crucial element for both of these characters when it comes to their iron-clad relationship. That palpable part of Castiel and Jack’s connection keeps them closely-knit. Its their familial instinct and how they express their feelings for each other. If they aren’t kneading shoulders, the angel duo is often standing beside each other or firmly linked at the arms. And this usually happens during moments of extreme stress, joy, sorrow, pain or fear. Jack relies so much on Castiel’s parental presence. He respects his authority, disobeying only when his actions feel necessary, and will go to the angel whenever he wants to talk or vent. Jack is also comfortable with Castiel enough to confide his darkest secrets no matter how awful they are. That’s the foundation of the everlasting trust built between them. They’re just tethered to one another in such a way that nothing will divide them. 

I’ll begin with the hospital scene from 14x07 where Castiel is being the rock to his ailing son who can barely stand on his feet. There’s so much anxiety radiating off him in this moment as he struggles with watching Jack suffer; holding him so close. Staring at his face you can tell this horrible situation is ripping him apart. Actually, the entire episode is basically just Castiel silently enduring the pain of Jack dying.

The second set of screencaps underneath are of 14x10; Jack is agitated by AU!Michael’s antagonistic claims that his family’s love for him isn’t unconditional. Reading into one of his greatest fears. But then Castiel instantly calls out to his son, grabs the crook of his arm; gently reassuring him none of this is true. And Jack doesn’t resist this as he knows his dad is sincere. He never has to question Cas’s feelings towards him as his physical touch alone is self-explanatory. But when it comes to the Winchesters, that’s a whole other conversation.    

Next, we have one of my favorite emotionally-charged Dadstiel moments in 14x14; where in a fit of panic because the anti venom wasn’t working Jack, going against Castiel’s warnings not to risk burning off his soul, is compelled to use his powers to save his dad. And I love this because this time its Jack who’s the one initiating all the physical contact. Just as the recovered angel demands what he’s done, his son responds with a soft “you’re okay” and the “I love you dad” shoulder touch as well as firmly gripping his arm.  

Finally stepping away from season 14 I’m going to briefly go over the caps from season 15. Let’s begin with 15x11 the Dadstiel reunion scene at the church which is so beautifully poignant. Castiel is so overjoyed to see Jack alive that he takes a second to look over his equally stunned son, touching his shoulders before they embrace. This is by far one of Cas and Jack’s top father/son moments on the show and it’s done so effectively. If you want a more in-depth description for what I love about this scene, you can read my post about it here.

After that is the 15x13 Dadstiel moment where Castiel, suspicious of Jo’s story about the Occultum, had asked Jack to temporarily kill him in order to go see Ruby in the Empty. Two things I really like about this; 1. even though Jack still doesn’t have a soul, is very concerned about and protective over Castiel because of that deal. And 2. again Jack is initiating all the touching in this scene; look at the way he grasps his dad’s arm as he returns him to life. It’s almost as if he’s hoping the touch of his hand will not only speed up the process but also reach his dad so his essence isn’t lost forever.   

And then we have 15x17. We didn’t get much Dadstiel interaction in this episode but the amount of times Castiel protectively holds onto his agonized child, who’d been turned into a cosmic bomb about to go off any minute, having no regard for the danger he’s in is so visually gut-wrenching. There’s a specific moment in the scene where, as Sam and Dean are arguing, Castiel is sitting on the floor just clutching Jack tight. Trying to non-verbally soothe him.

And this is followed up in the first half of 15x18, aka THEIR VERY LAST EPISODE TOGETHER ever on Supernatural. Here is where everything about their connection comes full circle with Castiel refusing to abandon Jack no matter the situation. Demonstrating the extent of his devotion by willing to die for his child just as he’d sacrificed his happiness to save Jack from the Empty. Because that is his son and nothing not even death itself can ever destroy what they have. Much as the young Nephilim boy begs for his dad to stay away, yells that he doesn’t want to hurt him; Castiel kneeling to Jack’s eye-level doesn’t leave his side. Then when Jack disappears to the Empty and reappears back at the bunker reformed, Castiel’s hand remains firmly glued to his son’s shoulder. He doesn’t want Jack to feel afraid or traumatized any further.

This was such an intense part of the episode I mean just look at how stressed out these two were. The anguish in their expressions. Simply put, Cas and Jack cannot bare to live without the other. They’re each other’s home; two sides of the same soul. Castiel loves all of Jack; the good, the bad and the ugly. This is an EPIC father and son’s love that knows no bounds. So powerful and pure that it transcended the loss of Jack’s soul, Lucifer’s DNA, the Empty, Mary Winchester’s death and everything else in between. Oh, and guess what, their “I love you” Dadstiel shoulder touches aren’t limited to just their hands. Its in every single one of their hugs too.  

Notice how their chins or faces just comfortably rest on top of each other’s shoulders. And except for 14x20 their eyes are shut, as if to savor every single second of that closeness. Jack just buries himself against Castiel like he’s never felt safer with anyone else in the whole universe. And both of them hold each other; giving and receiving the other’s love with their whole self. Like I can’t even begin to describe how much Castiel and Jack’s softness towards each other just melts my heart. Their relationship, despite the horror tongue-in-cheek atmosphere of SPN, is surprisingly sweet, healthy and endearing. They are the epitome of true unconditional love and a great contrast to the Winchester brothers. In my humble opinion Castiel and Jack’s father/son dynamic is the best thing to happen to this show in a long while.

For the closing segment of this analysis I want to do something special before I discuss the paralleled-angst driven Dadstiel shoulder touches in 15x15 and 15x18. First off, I can’t shout enough praise from the rooftops about the insanely remarkable chemistry between Alexander Calvert and Misha Collins. Just brilliant casting. They embody these characters heart and soul and make this relationship feel so real, genuine and grounded. The fact that they look so similar in appearance really sells the idea that these two could actually be father and son. Forget the scripts, the quiet subtly these two bring to Castiel and Jack is the true magic of their relationship.

Let me start with the Dadstiel centric 15x15 aka THE BEST EPISODE of Supernatural season 15. This amazing masterpiece of art is everything I could’ve asked for and more; giving me so much precious father/son content that I will cherish forever. I really enjoyed seeing Castiel and Jack in those matching ties, bonding with each other over a case while they save the day. It’s a shame this show never let these two have more solo adventures together because they’re truly a joy to watch onscreen. Fingers crossed for that spinoff.

But I digress, the car scene in question happens at the very end of the episode in which Jack reveals the alarming truth that he has to die in order to stop Chuck and Amara. And Castiel, visibly and outspokenly distraught by this news, has to be assuaged with that infamous shoulder touch by his son; who’s in just as much pain. This is without a doubt one of most emotional scenes between these two characters out of the last three seasons of the show and quite possibly one of Misha and Alex’s strongest acting moments after the Dadstiel church reunion in 15x11. They killed it with the feels here. I like the attention to detail, the shadows and the colors in the shot, the melancholic score as well as how it seamlessly switches from Jack’s perspective to Castiel’s. Seriously watching this scene always makes me cry its so devastating.

 Lastly, we have the Dadstiel car scene in 15x18; and Castiel and Jack’s LAST ONE-ON-ONE together. I’m kind of disappointed by this if I’m being honest. Its not that its bad its just not that definitively great for a final scene between these characters. Especially after four seasons of development. Where are the stakes? Why don’t Jack and Castiel seem as concerned about their situation? Cute as that smile was it doesn’t fit the tone. And where’s that punch in the gut knowing something is going to separate these two any second? It’s too light and doesn’t come off like a goodbye or a cathartic bookend which is what I wanted to take away from the episode considering its title “Despair”.

I mean if they were going to follow up on that heartbreaking car scene at the end of “Gimme Shelter”, the 15x18 scene wasn’t the way to do it. So, the weight of this final interaction feels almost non-existent. Maybe if it had taken place at night and the dialogue solely focused on them not the Winchesters it would’ve faired better. But since this isn’t a rant post I’ll cut to the chase by saying that the only saving grace this moment has happens in the last part. Jack’s in tears telling his dad how scared he is that he can’t use his powers to protect anyone. Coming off very childlike and vulnerable; needing that parental protection that Castiel was always known for. And sure enough, he gives Jack that final “I love you” shoulder touch which I swear had me choked a little. 

Rethinking about it now that the show is over actually makes their final moment together really sad as incomplete as it is. I not only look back on how much these characters were drastically underutilized but how much the Dadstiel storyline could’ve been executed better with all the development that it was given. Well there you have it my full Dadstiel shoulder-touch analysis. Hope you’ve enjoyed!

[massivelycreepypineapple]

We’re All We Got

Request: I would like a Dean x Reader where the reader is their little sister, and Dean has been with her since she was a little girl, and so he is always very protective, and one day she almost dies and he despairs a lot, but everything is fine.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader

A/N: Hope you enjoy this! :)

Word Count: 1820

❅ ❅ ❅

-flashback to 13yr old Dean-

“Shh, Y/N. It’s going to be ok. You’re fine, kiddo.” Dean whispered as he laid beside her on the motel bed, carding his fingers through her hair.

Y/N, was was running a high fever and it worried Dean and Sam to no end.

“De, my head hurts.” She whimpered, curling up into him.

“I know, kid. I’ll go to the store and get you some medicines ok?”

“No!” Cried Y/N clinging to him tighter. “Don’t go, please”

“Y/N we don’t have anything to make it better. I need to go get some stuff for you. Or it could get worse.” Said Dean trying to pry her hands off him, an action that immediately made her cry.

“D-don’t go!”

“No no please calm down! I’m right her ok? I’ll stay. I won’t go.” He soother her, panicking at her reaction. He had always had a special bond with the 7yr old, and he was extremely protective of her. Sam too, but Y/N was the youngest and was more prone to getting hurt than his brother.

Sam climbed in on the other side of the bed next to Y/N, “Y/N I’ll be right here with you. Dean won’t be long.” He tried convincing her.

“No! I only want De!”

“I’m right here, kid. Ain’t going anywhere.” Said Dean cuddling her more, making sure she was comfortable. He stayed with her till she feel asleep before he could go buy the stuff.

-Flashback end-

Dean was clutching onto Y/N’s hand in the hospital. She was severely hurt by a werewolf and had been quite close to death.

“I’m right here, kid.” He whispered to her unconscious form.

It pained him to see his baby sister like that. Especially when it was his fault. Y/N was no hunter. Her expertise lied in research. However, she did know how to fight almost as well as her brother but chose not to. This one particular hunt, he and Sam were outnumbered and needed an extra hand. So they had no choice but to take Y/N with them. Everything was going according to plan and the three of them fought like a well oiled machine. Unfortunately, right at the end when only one werewolf was remaining, the bastard got Y/N and hurt her badly before getting shot by Sam.

The car ride to the hospital was one of the worst moments of his life. He even made Sam drive them, opting to sit at the back making sure their little sister didn’t bleed to death. Once everything was taken care of, he had refused to leave her side and insisted on Sam getting the rest he needed.

And hour later Sam had arrived with two cups of coffee, startling Dean when he placed an hand on his shoulder.

“Dean, she’s alive. She’s going to wake up. The doctor said so himself.” Sam was very worried about both his siblings. One nearly died and the other is slowly running himself to an early grave.

“I’m fine, Sammy.” Dean mumbled.

“At least have some coffee.” Sam offered him the cup.

Dean took it absentmindedly and placed the thing on the table next to him, making Sam sigh. He barely noticed Sam take a seat beside him rubbing Y/N’s leg.

-flashback to 18 yr old Dean-

Y/N had been hanging out with a couple of her school friends when suddenly she barged into the motel room angry as hell and making a beeline to the bathroom. She slammed the door and locked it, startling her brothers. Dean shared a worried look with Sam and walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing is wrong! Go away!” She yelled, her voiced muffled by the door.

“I know something’s wrong, N/N! Don’t lie to me.”

“I said, GO. AWAY!”

“Did someone hurt you? You know I’ll beat the shit out of them!”

“Y/N, we just want to help.” Said Sam joining Dean.

“I just need 5 minutes ok?” Her voice broke at the end.

“You got 5 minutes, and then I’m coming in.” Said Dean, walking to the bed and sitting on the corner. He was still on alert, waiting for her to come out.

It had become little over 5 mins and just when Dean was about to pick the lock, the door opened a crack and Y/N’s tear stricken face came into view.

“De…” Her small voice came through.

“Y/N, what’s going on. Why are you crying?”

“I… I’m bleeding.” She whispered.

Both Dean and Sam were freaking out.

“What?!” They chorused.

“Y/N! Where? What was it? Why didn’t you say anything sooner?!” Dean was getting angry and trying to open the door more to get a look at her.

“Guys! Not like that! Nothing hurt me!” Her face was red with embarrassment.

They stopped for a second, “What do you mean, N/N?” Asked Sam.

That’s when it hit Dean. She got her first period. He looked at her with wide eyes.

“Oh…”

“Yeah.”

“What’s happening, guys?” A confused Sam asked.

“Sammy, just stay here ok? Keep an eye on her. Both of you just stay here. I’ll be back in 20mins.” With that he rushed out to get her what was needed.

An hour later Y/N was curled up on the bed under the blankets with embarrassment and a hot pack. While Dean was sitting beside her trying to tell her there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

“It’s a normal thing, N/N. It’s happens to every girl.”

“Not in public.” She mumbled.

“Not true, when I was your age, a classmate of mine started to.. you know.. in class. She was very embarrassed too and had her mom come get her. But eventually she forgot about it and so did everyone else.”

He was doing his best to assure her that she was fine, but what came out of her mouth next broke his heart.

“She had a mom to tell her about it. I don’t.”

“N/N…”

She was sniffling under the blankets, trying not to cry. He didn’t know what to say to comfort her.

“If mom were here, she’d be so proud of the way you’re handling it, kid. You’re a champ. I know I ain’t mom, but I’m here for you ok? I’ll always be here for you and Sammy.” He looked at Sam who was trying his best to help as much as he could.

“Thank you, De.” Y/N whispered. “You’re not mom, but you’re kinda cool.”

He ruffled her hair, making her laugh. “I’m more than cool, shortie!”

-flashback end-

Dean chuckled at that memory, kissing the back of her hand. He remembered how he had to explain to the shopkeeper what he was looking for. And he had to help Y/N figure out how to use it too because no one had taught her. They were both an embarrassed mess, but it all worked out in the end. It was hard for the three of them to not have any parental guidance. With a dead mother and an absent father, it fell on Dean’s shoulders to make sure Sam and Y/N were taken care of.

“I swear to god when you wake up I’m gonna kick you ass, kid.” He said softly. “You’re not making it easy on me. It’s my job to keep you safe and I failed. You’ve always been a trouble maker, you know? Sammy was easy compared to you and that’s saying a lot.” He chuckled.

“Hey! You’re one to talk.” Quipped Sam, smiling a little.

“Shush, Sam. It’s rude to interrupt.” He smirked at him. “Anyway, I’m just warning you. You enjoy the peace now. Caz when you open those eyes, I’m going to give you shit, Y/N.”

“Me too. Don’t think I’ll go easy on you, squirt.” Said Sam.

A few seconds later, Dean felt his hand get squeezed. A small groan came from Y/N.

“Y/N!” They called at the same time and sprung into action in a frenzy and called the nurse.

The doctor looked her up and gave her the clear to leave after 48 hours. He also gave them instructions on her diet and gave strict orders on bed rest until the wound healed a little more. When he left a silence set in the room until Y/N broke it.

“So you two think you could give me shit and get away with it?” She smirked tiredly at them.

“You don’t have a say in that, N/N. You nearly died! What were you thinking?!” Said Sam slightly angry.

“I’m sorry, Sammy. But I did what had to be done. It was unavoidable.” She smiled apologetically

“It was not unavoidable, Y/N! We could’ve handled it without you getting in its way!”

“Sam… it would’ve mauled you if I hadn’t. I couldn’t let my favourite Sasquatch get hurt now, can I?”

“Y/N I could’ve-“

“Sam, stop. I’m fine! I’m alive and kicking. So please let it go?” She gave him her puppy dog eyes which she learnt from him.

“Should not have taught you that.” He mumbled grumpily, making her giggle and wince.

Dean through it all was quiet. He was still trying to process everything.

“De…” Called Y/N.

He looked at her with tears in his eyes. He didn’t let them fall however.

“No. Don’t you dare say you’re fine caz you stopped breathing, Y/N!” He snapped at her.

She was taken aback.

“I never should’ve asked you to help us! This could’ve been avoided if I wasn’t such a dumbass.” He rubbed his face. “But at the same time, you saved Sammy. I can’t… I don’t know how to process this.”

“Dean. What was supposed to happen, happened. We’re Winchesters, we’re meant to get hurt, die and rise up again. It’s the way it has been.” Y/N said calmly.

“It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“No it doesn’t” She chuckled lightly. “But it does mean that you of all people need to take a break once in a while and let the young people do the protecting.”

Dean chuckled at that, “You calling me old, kid?”

“Damn right.” She smirked at him making Sam snort.

“She’s right, Dean. So go take a shower and eat something before your old man body kills you dead.” Sam grinned at him.

“You’re not so young yourself, Sammy” He gave him a bitch face.

“Still younger.” He grinned.

Dean rolled his eyes at Sam and looked at Y/N with a soft smile. He kissed her forehead and whispered, “Don’t run off. I’ll be back in no time.”

“I’ll try not to.” She smiled at him, squeezing his hand before he reluctantly left to fix himself.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278 @svmwinchesterr

[shy-violet-soul]

Stuff You Should Be Reading - June/July 2020

Here we go, folks! Early summer’s beautiful batch of great reading. Enjoy!

Supernatural

When the Lights Go Out by @jawritter: this AU featuring Mobster!Dean Winchester x reader is off to a great start! Reader is in dire financial straits, & signs up to be a Sugar Baby on a website with a “no sex” understanding. She has no idea who her customer truly is - one of the most notorious mobsters out there. Can’t wait to read more!

The Honorary Winchester by @fictionalabyss: this is a sequel to this writer’s phenomenal series “The Arrangement”. Elizabeth’s only goal is to be a Winchester - her family is delighted to make that happen. This story has all the fluffy goodness of TFW with a wee one, and all the shenanigans that ensue.

My precious friend @pinknerdpanda has churned out some pure artistry. Reunited is a tale about Sam Winchester after he’s lost Dean. But his journey leads him to find something else very precious - someone! Wonderful angsty goodness!

Pros and Cons by @kittenofdoomage. This writing goddess never fails to deliver. This steamy but fluffy tale features very short reader living life with very tall Sam. LOVED it!

Baby Spoon by @deanwanddamons: Dean Winchester & his other half expecting a baby. Need I say more to tempt you with all the sweet fluff?!

The Depth of Ebony by @katymacsupernatural: TFW has captured a hell hound - but not all is at it seems. Can they discover the truth behind this tortured creature? This series is phenomenal, and I can’t wait to read more!

Marvel

Psuedo Princess by @shreddedparchment King Steven of Broklin has taken a new bride, one willing to sacrifice and serve for the good of the kingdom. The road to true love is rocky for these two - can they overcome the obstacles? Beautiful story!

Smoke and Ink by my gorgeous friend @thesassywallflower. This slightly AU features ofc Anne being asked by old childhood friend, Thor, to help him save Loki. Old tender feelings compete with a painful past between the two - will fates align to bring them together? I am HERE for this series!

The Little Spy by @buckysknifecollection features post-Raft-rescue Steve Rogers and company on the hunt for sanctuary. His friends are astonished at the refuge waiting for them - more specifically, for him. Precious story that I’d love to see more of!

All My Friends are Heathens by @sebseyesandbuckysthighs: we have been blessed with a ton of great AUs lately, and this one is fantastic. Vampire!Bucky Barnes has taken refuge with his friend, Shapeshifter!Steve Rogers, amid his group of ragtag creature friends. When a member of their ‘family’ returns home, Bucky finds himself enchanted. The skill employed here to build to the climax is so, so good. You’ll love this!

Black and Blue by @the-mighty-jellybean: **Trigger Warnings** Read those before reading! This powerful AU gives us Doctor!Steve Rogers crossing paths with a domestic abuse victim that he can’t get off his mind. Great, great story.

Not Your Forever by @navybrat817: Steve Rogers left you behind, breaking your heart. When he returns, how will you respond? How will he when he sees how you moved on? I really super duper hope that the writer writes more of this!!!

Dance of Destiny by @after-avenging-hours: I looooove soul mate fics! This one is so beautifully creative! You can feel when your soul mate is dancing. So why hasn’t Reader ever felt hers?

@angrythingstarlight: I just discovered this writer, and her RPF Chris Evans fics are GOLD! As the auntie to 4 kiddos, this writer had me wheezing with her very true-to-form kid repartees with Chris. “Imma steal your doggy” (dying!). A few of these fics center around Reader out with her two nieces that are conspiring to get her on a date with Chris. Or, according to her nieces, ‘Captain America’ and ‘Dodger’s daddy’.

The Pack by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork is another great AU giving us shifter/wolf Steve Rogers. When a lost omega stumbles into his pack’s lives, Alpha Steve & his wolf find themselves falling for her tail over teakettle. Be sure to also read the drabbles that go along with the series!

Glimmer by @kentuckybarnes: Bucky Barnes and Reader awaken with no memory of how they got there, why they are there, or even who they are. This writer keeps the momentum going with plenty of quips amid the stress of their situation. Can’t wait to read more!

Cupcake Guy by @nacho-bucky: AU of soldier Bucky Barnes struggling to carve a post-war life for himself. Comforting memories prompt him to give baking a try, where he meets you. Will you help Bucky open his heart to hope for the future? Sugary sweet writing perfection!

Just us Two, also by @nacho-bucky: adorable fic that pits Sam Wilson against cute, quirky, stubborn, hangry you. LOVED!

Caught in the Fire by @dreamwritesimagines is another incredible AU where reader comes back into Mobster!Bucky’s life just when he needs her most. I’m behind on reading, but this writer never fails to impress.

@stargazingfangirl18 gives us a tenderly, beautifully written fic you can find HERE about a friend of the Avengers struggling with anxiety/panic attacks. Will she let her friends help her? ***Trigger Warnings*** discussion of anxiety, panic attacks.

The Weight by @sunriserose1023 Steve Rogers is hiding something. He has a good reason, but his struggle between duty and devotion may get him in trouble.

Solivagant by @captain-kelli: LOVED this story! Bucky Barnes is sent to what he thinks will be a frozen wasteland on a mission. Instead, he discovers more beauty than he can imagine.

Hello, Bird by @welldonebeca: there is not enough Clint Barton fics out there, and this two-part story is a great remedy for this. Sweet, fluffy fic featuring our favorite archer with his family.

Call of the Mountains by @floatingpetals: gorgeously creative AU! When reader is rescued from almost certain death, her saviour is so much more than meets the eye. What is the mysterious Bucky, Steve, and their little group hiding?

I Carry Your Heart With Me by @marvelcapsicle: another phenomenal soul mate fic FTW! In this one, soul mates can feel each other’s pain. But what happens when one of you can’t feel pain at all?

Finding Home by @promarvelfangirl: let me say now that I categorically do not like Hallmark movies. But this delightfully tender story leans into the trope so beautifully! Soldier!Steve Rogers receives a Christmas card while deployed overseas, and it becomes a lifeline for him. What happens when he meets the friendly, compassionate writer?

Sunset by @pinknerdpanda: sweetie, you did it again. Gorgeous, poetic writing about reader returned from the Snap to a world that left her behind. Beautiful!

Bring Him Light by @speechlessxx: AU giving us King Steven Rogers with a new bride. Scary stories are told about the cruel king. Can reader soften his heart? FYI - some chapters are tough reading due to themes. Well written story that I’m looking forward to future chapters!

The Taste of Blood by @the--sad--hatter: 3 words: I want more! This tantalizing AU will feature vampire!Bucky Barnes and reader. The first chapter gives us the reader who feels compelled to leave her life behind - again - as she flees an unknown-to-us danger.

[newobsessionweekly]

The pain she left behind

Title: The pain she left behind

Pairing: Dean x Female Reader, Sam x Platonic!Reader, Castiel x Platonic!Reader, Jack x Platonic!Reader

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: language, character death, grieveing, Dean crying, angst, death, a little bit of explicit content,  violence, fluff, spoilers s14

Prompt 1: Loving me is a death sentence.

Prompt 2: We found each other. That’s all that matters.

A/N: This is my enterance for SPN Bi-Weekly Writing Challenge. I don’t usually write and all that, but I wanted to try something new and I don’t know... I tried my best, I hope you enjoyed it!

Tag: @supernatural-jackles

Something Dean has told himself and everyone around when they asked, is that he doesn’t need that in his life. He doesn’t need love, he doesn’t need to find a girl; he tried that before and it didn’t work out. But what he needs is to have his mind clear, focused on cleaning America from monsters, he needs to keep his family safe. But he failed, he met you and all his life was turned upside down. And sometimes he regrets the day they met you, because now, you are just too hard to forget.

Laying on the kitchen floor, heavily breathing from the enormous weight that’s pressing on his chest, Dean’s playing with a bottle of beer, switching it annoyingly from one hand to another over and over again, just as you’re switching in his head, from one memory to one another. He locked himself in his room for the past 3 days, binge watching some random horror movies wanting to wash away the need to cry, to scream, and beg God to bring you back to him, but it was pointless, he still cried himself to sleep. So he decided it’s time for something stronger; he needs to be back in tracks as soon as possible and be ready to fight the monster that took you away, there’s no time to grieve.

“Dean!” Sam yelled his name again while descending the stairs to the kitchen, abruptly snapping him from his memories of you.

He refuses to answer, he refuses to talk to anyone and Sam understands it, because he feels the empty space you left in their lives too, but he’s maybe more afraid than Dean to show it. Sam wants to be strong for his brother, he wants to be there for him, especially these days. Only the third time after hearing his name, Dean bothered to look up at his younger brother and allow him to see all the broken pieces of his heart spread all over the place.    

“Sammy, I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Dean’s voice is rough and shaky, tears threatening to burst in any moment and Dean’s aware that he’s going to lose it soon, but still hoping that Sam will not be around.    

“Dean, you have to – “

“I don’t have to do anything today.” He raised his index finger and stopped Sam, then he pointed to the fridge: “Now pass me another beer and leave.”

Sam did so and Dean thanked him with just a movement of his head, before turning his attention to the abandoned metallic box full of memories from his lap. A bunch of photos with Sammy, some with his mom and dad, few with his friends that soon became family, and even fewer with you. Dean doesn’t like photos that much, he’s not that kind of guy who’d let himself be photographed everywhere and every time, but now he wishes he was that kind and wishes he’d have done a lot more photos beside you. There are only six instant photos of you, with a red ribbon wrapped around them; six, one for every anniversary and one from the first proper Christmas the Winchesters ever had.

He’d have wanted to be that stupid kind of men and take photos of you everywhere: in your favourite pyjamas, curled up in a chair from the library with a leg under you, so deeply focused in research, trying so hard to fit in with his life; standing in front of a pan in the mornings when Sam would be out of town, only in your beautiful underwear, moving your hips while making breakfast for him; curled up in a soft, warm blanket on a chair, sound asleep far too many hours before Sam and Dean would come home after so many weeks of being away.

“Dean!”  

“Dean!”

You jumped from one of the chairs on the war room at the sound of the bunker’s door loudly opening. You almost caught roots on that place waiting for Dean and Sam to show up. You woke up alone this morning, no sight of any of the brothers or your angelic friend so you waited and waited before panic started to grow inside of you. You prayed to Cas and asked him if something happened, you started to pace around the war room when no answer was coming and then you sat on that chair and wondered what the hell happened with everyone. Bad scenarios running through that beautiful mind of yours and you were preparing for the worst.

But you were never prepared for what entered that door; Sam, Dean and Cas were fighting over heels to carry a giant fir tree, you could bet it is even taller than Sam. Your jaw dropped at the sight of Dean, all covered in snow and sweat beads painting his forehead, trying his best not to drop the lower part of the tree.

“What happened? Are you ok? How hard did Sam hit you in the head?” You tried to hide the fact that you were scared as hell with a sarcastic tone, and thankfully Dean bite it, but Cas not so much, because he was throwing you Cas-type of awkward glances.

Dean always rejected the idea of having a proper and normal holiday celebration so as you skipped Halloween, again, you pleaded and pleaded, every night and every day to celebrate at least Christmas, your favourite holiday. But a week or two ago, you gave up when you saw you were getting not even a negative response to your question.

Library was transformed and instead of two big and cold tables with some uncomfortable chairs around, there was a long table decorated with two beautiful candlesticks and little angels and snowflakes. The dish was prepared by Dean with a little help from you, and all around the bunker were hanged beautiful lights, some Santa figurines and angels. Christmas tree was decorated by you and Dean who got involved in this holiday celebration thing more than you even expected.

Sitting around the Christmas tree, after everybody praised the food, you were smiling proudly to have these special people around you. Jody, Donna, Claire, Alex, Patience and Kaia are your second family, and every time Sam and Dean would leave for a serious case, they’d prefer you to stay with the girls. Not because they don’t trust you, just because they’d be more peacefully than knowing you home alone so many days in the bunker. You and Alex became very good friends especially because none of you is hunting. Your boyfriend wants to keep you out of this life as much as possible and is trying to make everything as normal as he can.

Dean ripped you from your thoughts when he wrapped his hand around your waist and rest his chin on your shoulder. You smiled at him excitedly and then exchanged presents with the girls. Then you gave Jack his present, a blue sweater to match yours, and he sadly looked at you. You panicked a little when you saw his face and your body strained, catching Dean’s attention.

“Why are you sad? You don’t like it?” you asked Jack.

“No,no! I love it!” he immediately said, stopping you from making films inside your head. “But I didn’t know we were buying each other gifts. I thought only Dean was supposed to buy you a present, because he’s your boyfriend.”

“Oh, so Dean bought me a present, huh?” you turned to look at your boyfriend and showed him your most beautiful and mischievous smile. “Sam, you really should tell me with what you hit him in the head because it may use me too in the future.”

Everyone laughed at your joke and Dean could swear he had never seen you so happy in his life. He knows Christmas is your favourite holiday and he and Sam were always preoccupied with hunting and saving the world to even think about these holidays, but you understood and never complained. You anyway got to celebrate it at Jody’s place, so you never said anything to Dean, mostly because it was pointless; you loved Dean so much and you accepted him as he is, you accepted his life and embraced it, though he kept you at a secure distance from his life, especially to protect you, and offered you a life as normal as possible, but it was impossible after a certain point ...

Sam watched Dean from distance as he flipped through the Polaroids, with tears cascading on his cheeks, knotting under his chin and loud sobs shaking his body in pain. It breaks Sam’s heart, but he needs it, he needs to cry, to express his feelings, to get it over his chest, even for a moment.

Jack accompanied Sam and Cas and watched over Dean, but they stopped themselves to intervene when a bottle of beer loudly crashed on the floor and wetted everything around. All three of them startled when the sound reached their ears, but they stood still.

It was odd for Dean to break like that in a place where anyone could enter any moment, but nothing was normal anymore, it wasn’t normal for him to lose like that the love of his life, so he allowed himself to do all sorts of strange things in order to calm down even for a second.

“Deano!” you giggled happily in his ear as your body embraced him from behind, your naked body combined with his, just as clothless as yours. It is barely eight and he would probably curse for the rest of the morning if your plan on waking him up will work. It is your fifth anniversary and after long and deep talks with Sam, you decided it’s time to do a little more today.

After you prepared your special breakfast while Sam was leaning on the kitchen counter giving you small advices here and there, he decided to leave you two alone, teasing you, saying you can be as noisy as you please.  

You leaned over him and pressed your lips on his back, chaotically tracing kissed all over his shoulders and going up to his neck and cheeks and then right back from the beginning. Leaving wet spots all over his body, Dean rolled on his back, making you to fall on top of him, your breasts pressing firmly on his chest.

“Well, that is a very interesting way to wake me up, sweetheart.” Dean yawned and looked at you first only with his right eye, then with his left one, finding it very hard to keep them both open.  

You are a simple couple, but more like an old married couple who just puzzle up one another like you’ve known each other for your whole lives. Dean and you as well are not the kind to celebrate and do big stuff about it, just cooking together a breakfast, finally making time for you in such a long time and mostly spending the day together, talking and fixing the problems that you encountered on the way. You are just communicating, that’s your celebration. And this is all you need. But this morning, Dean felt it’s going be a little different. He can smell the breakfast already cooked and he frowned at the smell of fresh, hot coffee.

He kissed you with love, cupping your cheek and rubbing his finger over it, as he always does when he wants to melt your heart, because he knows your weaknesses so well. You cuddle in a little more before you decided to get out of bed and eat your breakfast, stalling a bit to telling one more time – or ten more times – how much you love each other.

“I wanted to spoil you today.” You told him as you put your underwear on and wrapped the red satin robe, the one Dean loves, around your body.

“You know what –“ Dean begins, chewing loudly his bacon. “I’ve been thinking –“ he stops again, sipping his coffee, giving you appreciative sounds as in he’s enjoying very much the coffee you made.

“Oh, no! Always ends bad when you’re thinking.” You teased him and laughed so hard when he gives you the Winchester bitch face. “Ok, we are serious this morning. I’m listening.”

“I was thinking... maybe we should get married.” He says.

Your heart stops at the sound of his words and you almost choke with coffee, slightly coughing to get lost the lump that formed in your throat. You dreamed of marrying Dean from the first moments when you met him. He’s exactly what you’re looking for in a man, he is smart, funny and you can feel his love for you, though he doesn’t show it that much. You love him terribly much and never crossed your mind that this day would come, despite the fact you wanted it so bad. You understand that his life is dangerous, complicated and he doesn’t have time for this kind of things in the first place. You never thought about changing a thing about him or his life and never said anything, because nothing bothered you in the first place. Dean loves you, Dean treats you so right and protects you that you never needed anything and accepted him with his good and a little less good things without questioning, because it is a part of loving.

You adore him with every inch of your being, and the fact that he thought about marring you shocked you, that for the first time, you couldn’t get the words find your mouth. He looked at you, still chewing his food, but he had more of a worried look.

“Ar-are you sure?” you asked and he grabbed your hand over the table and caressed your soft skin.

“Yes, I am a hundred percent sure.” He frowned a little before he continued: “You?”

“Yes!” you immediately responded, leaving no place for any other thoughts. “Yes, I want to marry you, Dean Winchester.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” He chuckled and pressed his lips over yours, and then over your forehead. “I discussed with my mom about it, when she was around... She gave me her ring.”

He excitedly bit his bottom lip and then he told you to wait for him, just rising his index finger and then hurried over your bedroom. You smiled like a fool and your stomach flipped almost painfully just at the thought that he discussed this with his mother, especially knowing how important his mother was.  

He came back too soon and ripped out of your thoughts and he shyly asked for your hand. Dean placed the ring on your ring finger and you kissed him so many times, as he dragged you on his lap.

You planned your wedding to be something simple, just a dinner with some friends at the bunker, but soon enough, it turned out to be a dinner with all of your friends at the bunker. You are wearing a simple white casual dress and Dean is wearing his FBI costume, nothing fancy, because fancy was never the Winchester style.

“I am not good at words, especially not at speeches.” He paused a little and everyone laughed. “But I need to say that I love you to death, Y/n Winchester! And I am so grateful that we found each other, that’s all that matters. “

“I love you to death, Dean Winchester!”

And you indeed loved him to death.

In Dean’s head was repeating over and over again the way your body collapsed into the ground, as the last tears fell onto your cheeks when your eyes shut closed. Dean could imagine only a quarter of the pain you left the world with, but he never understood your enormous love for him, not even in your last moments when you looked at him and told him how much you love him.

As Chuck paced the grass and waited, you stand still as you had the gun He gave to you pointed at Jack. The nephilim is dangerous, he is a monster and must be stopped.

“Y/n!” Sam and Dean shouted as they came running towards you. “Y/n, no!”

“I understand...” Jack said, looking up to you from where he stayed on his knees, Sam and Dean calling your name in the background. “I know what I’ve done.”

“No, no, no, no! Y/n!” your husband came running to you, but he stopped as he heared your voice:

“Stay back, Dean!” you said, looking at Jack.

“And you were right, all along. I am a monster.” Jack said.

“Do something!” Dean told Chuck, but he frowned when He shushed him. “Are you enjoying this?”

You took the safety off as you overheard their conversation and looked at Jack one more time; he was standing in his knees in front of you, with his hands folded on his lap, looking innocently at you. He is just a kid, he’s no monster. You frowned; all of this is just Chuck’s plan. You put the safety back on and lowered the gun, throwing it away on the grass.  

“No,no! Pick it up!” Chuck said and approached the two of you and Jack looked at him with a frowning painted on his face. “Pick it up! This isn’t how the story is suppose to end!”

“The story?” Castiel asked.

“Look at the Gathering Storm, the gun... this is epic!”

“Wait what are you saying?” Dean asked Chuck, moving his sight from you to Him.

“He’s saying that he’s been playing us...” Sam responded and Chuck sighs “...this whole time.”

“Come on – “ Chuck started but he’s been interrupted by Sam:

“Our entire lives... mom, dad, everything. This is all you, because... you wrote it all, right? Because... because, what? Because we’re your favourite show? Because we’re part of your story?”

“Y/n, no offense, but your brother-in-law is stupid and crazy. This kid is still dangerous. So pick up the gun.” You looked at the gun but didn’t make any move. “Pick is up. Pull the trigger. And I’ll bring her back. I’ll bring Mary back.”

Everyone’s faces fell contemplatively, and you really thought about it as a possibility. Jack moved his looking to you and tried to understand what were you thinking.

“No!” Dean responded immediately.

“I’m not talking to you, Dean. I know how much you want this for Dean, because you love him so much and you want him to be happy and all crap. So pull the trigger and I’ll bring her back.”

“No.” You said and Chuck frowned.

“My mom was my hero, and I miss her, and I will miss her every second of my life, but she would not want this, she would not want this for Y/n. She wouldn’t want for her to have her hands stained with innocent blood and live with the thought of killing someone innocent, someone she loves so much, for the rest of her life. And it’s not like you even really care, ‘cause Sam’s right. The Apocalypse, Lucifer and Michael, you knew everything that was going on. So why the games, Chuck? Huh? Why don’t you just snap your fingers and end it?”

”Look...” Chuck started, but he was again stopped by Sam.

“And every other bad thing we’ve been killing, or dying over...” he scoffed. “Where were you? Just sitting back and watching us suffer? So we can do this over and over and over again? Fighting, losing people we love? When does it end? Tell me!”

“Y/n, don’t do this – “ Chuck said, but no one let Him finish one sentence.

“No, we’re done talking. ’Cause this... this isn’t just a story... it’s our lives! Leave my wife alone. So God or no God, go to hell!” Dean said, both of the Winchesters having their serious faces put on, while chuck smiled mischievously in the corner of the lips.

“Have it your way!” He said, then snapping his fingers.

Everybody watched as your body collapsed lifelessly into the ground, and Dean shouted your name, but the pain was too deafening. Everyone was shocked, and Sam reacted as adrenaline was pumping in his body. He picked up the gun and drunken in pain, he shot Chuck in order to kill, for you, for his best friend. Unfortunately, he shot God in shoulder, and Sam as well felt a killing pain in his shoulder.

Dean cried his pain out of his body, his soul and he tried to cry you out of his mind too, but it was too hard. He tried to erase that hurtful memory of you, but it just wouldn’t get off, it would play over and over again, just to kill him slowly and slowly every second. He broke down one more time, loudly sobbing and frantically shaking his body.

Sam ran towards him and crashed beside him, Sam as well having tears staining his cheeks at the sight of his big brother broken like this. There were too many bottles of beer drunk and Dean was not feeling alright at all. Sam’s arms moved around Dean’s body and embraced him, trying not to let him broke into pieces.  

“It’s alright, Dean! I’m here. I’m here, Dean!” Sam shushed him and tried to keep him from shaking.

“Everyone around me is getting hurt and they are dying, Sammy. Loving me is a death sentence, Sammy.”

“Dean... listen to me!” Sam cupped his cheeks and moved his head from his shoulder so that he can look into Dean’s eyes. “Dean, look at me. I love you and I’m not going anywhere, alright? Y/n loves you from a better place, alright? I bet you’re gonna get into the same heaven someday, alright?” Dean slowly nodded his head and looked at Sam between the eyelashes, finally he stopped crying. “Let’s go get your strength back and we’re going to kill that son of a bitch, alright?” Dean nodded again and let Sam put him to bed, hoping maybe it will hurt less tomorrow.

[crash-cinematic-universe]

troy barnes and his forgotten love confession

pairing: troy barnes/abed nadir 

summary: troy and abed wake up in the library surrounded by their disoriented classmates with their memories wiped. unfortunately for troy, one look in his friend’s eyes caused the entire forgotten ordeal to play out inside his head-- including the love confession that ended with a scream of agony.

warnings: uh language? insecurities maybe? zzzzombies? 

notes: trobed time babeyyyyyyyy B-) also this is sort of a trail run for me writing for trobed?  just trying it out with a short 1.3k word fic. lmk how you like it bc i am operating off of feedback. idk i love these two theyre wonderful and i would die for them i think. SPOILERS FOR COMMUNITY S2 EP6 “EPIDEMIOLOGY” 

taglist: @simonsbluee

______

            The first thing Troy noticed was the pounding headache. The lights were all too bright and everyone was too loud and he felt like he’d gotten hit by a car. It was almost as if he was hungover, but one glance at his surroundings disproved his theory. The library was filled with groggy students and staff, the hallways jammed by sluggish athletes and a passed out Leonard. Troy didn’t really care about them, though, all he really cared about was the fact that Abed was lying on the floor beside him in a torn up Predator costume. 

            It was Halloween. The dean had thrown a party-- why couldn’t he remember it? It was all a fuzzy cloud of nothingness; for Troy, that’s almost normal, but something about this felt… different. Almost as if the gaping hole in his brain was made by something other than Troy. For a moment, the memories teetered on the edge of his conscious stream of thoughts, but they were quickly dissolved by Abed’s groan of discomfort. 

            “Troy,” He whined. “Are we hungover or were we drugged by Russian spies?” Abed’s hand brushed Troy’s as he struggled to sit up beside his friend. “Or maybe the dean’s Halloween party descended into chaos to the point where the government had to get involved…” Abed trails off. Troy was too disoriented to focus on anything other than the wisp of a recollection that swirled in his hippocampus. He felt sick, but Abed made it a little better.

            “Abed,” Troy asks. His voice is unsure and the sentence is punctuated with a fitting voice crack. “Do you--”

            “Remember anything from the past 12 hours? No. I’m assuming you don’t either, which leads me to believe that no one here does. Usually, I’d be more than happy to launch ourselves into an investigation, but to be honest, I feel like shit,” Troy can only smile at Abed’s ability to read him like a book. It’s almost as if they shared brain cells-- Abed was, in every sense of the phrase, Troy’s soulmate. Something in Troy’s brain stirred the moment the word ‘soulmate’ crossed his mind. Something was lurking beneath the fog in his head, he just needed to draw it out. 

            “We should save the adventuring for tomorrow,” Troy agrees after a long pause. “God, my head hurts,”

            “When we get home we can watch a movie and lay down for a bit, that might make you feel better,” Abed assures before rising to his feet. He looked down at Troy expectantly, but Troy was frozen in place. Something about hearing Abed call his tiny dorm their home struck Troy differently than usual-- he held onto the phrase before looking back up at the man above him. Anxiously, Troy took Abed’s hand and rose to his feet. It was apparent that Abed mistook Troy’s silence for something negative.

            “We don’t have to watch a movie-- if you wanted to you could just go home. Or we could make a blanket fort and sleep in there,” 

            “I don’t care what we do, as long as we’re together,” Troy grins. “And, uh, away from the dean. He looks oddly… manic.” They both glance over at their dean and erupt into giggles at the sight of his askew wig and ruffled skirt. Dean Pelton’s costume was great, sure, but in that moment he looked less like Lady Gaga and more like a barbie doll that got caught in a garbage disposal. 

            Troy and Abed walked hand-in-hand to Abed’s dorm room, small groups of confused students hidden in the corners as they walked. The feeling of Troy’s fingers intertwined with those of his best friend was both familiar and foreign-- they held hands all the time, but this time felt different. It felt less like a simple sign of affection and more like a statement; with every brush of Abed’s fingers on Troy’s knuckles, something between them changed. 

            “I was thinking something mellow,” Abed cuts through the silence. “I don’t know why, but I don’t think I can handle anything too intense,” Troy nods, a movie suggestion falling silent on his lips as his eyes meet Abed’s for the first time that night. One glance in the spiraling brown irises his friend dawns opened the floodgates of Troy’s mind. It was everything, all at once-- an overwhelming whirlwind of emotion and struggle and pain and confusion. There were zombies and a hot doctor and chaos and the U.S Military, but Troy didn’t care about any of that. No, his main focus was the echoing goodbye in his brain.

            He and Abed were cornered. Troy could escape, but it soon became apparent that he would have to leave Abed or succumb to the zombie virus that overtook their community college. And so, Troy said the one phrase he held back every single time he saw Abed-- he spilled his guts before his best friend was torn apart. 

            “I love you,”

            “I know,”

            Troy’s eyes filled with tears; the mixture of the overwhelming rush of the past 12 hours and the emotions that rocked him to his core making his tears inevitable. It’s not uncommon for Troy to start crying, but Abed could tell that this time, something was different.

            However, Abed had never been good with handling emotional situations. He did his best, hastily tugging Troy into his dorm room. He sat him down on the sofa, grabbing the first blanket he saw and wrapping it snugly around Troy’s shoulders. Abed darted around the room, frantically searching for something to comfort Troy; it wasn’t until Troy grabbed Abed’s forearm that he paused.

            “Abed?”

            “Yeah?”

            “I--” Troy stopped. He didn’t know what to do. He was anxious and tired and all he wanted to do was fall asleep in the middle of a stupid horror movie next to his best friend, but he couldn’t do that because his hellbrain was screaming at him. He loved Abed, sure, but did Abed love him? An offhand Star Wars reference doesn’t count as an ‘I love you’, although when it came to Abed, you could never be sure. Troy thought back to the night he dislocated his shoulders. He thought about how he acted under stress, how he ruined his chances at a football scholarship; he ruined his life and made the best decision he ever had in the same move. He couldn’t take the risk again-- he couldn’t risk losing his closest friend over something so trivial. He took a deep breath.

            “I-- uh-- I really appreciate everything you’ve done. For me.” A second passes and Abed doesn’t react.

            “Oh. It’s okay, you’re my friend. I’ll always take care of you,” Abed’s voice was calculated and robotic, but his words held depth that only Troy could truly understand. Abed smiled before opening the cabinet beneath his TV, revealing a plethora of movies ranging from rom-coms to thrasher to historical fiction.

            “I went through the movie selection we have-- our mellow options include Coraline and--” 

            “There is no way that Coraline is mellow, that shit is horrifying!” Troy chuckled, wiping away the few remaining tears on his face. The mood was lightening and the natural rhythm the two shared was once again buzzing through the air. 

            One day, Troy will tell Abed how he feels. He did it once, he could probably do it again. Or maybe he can’t. Maybe he’ll be a coward forever. Maybe he’ll die alone in a ditch with a stray cat named Doug-- hell, even Doug will leave him--

            “Troy?” The swaddled man was snapped out of his thoughts. Troy tried his hardest to hide his anxiety, but it was apparent that he was failing.

            “Yeah?” Abed paused. He looked down at his palms before intertwining his fingers in his lap. There were three movies laid out on the coffee table, but Abed didn’t acknowledge them. Troy was afraid, but he wasn’t sure why. It was the odd seriousness that muted the buzz from before. Abed knew-- he had to. That’s the only reason why his mood would shift so drastically. He knew that Troy loved him, he remembered the disastrous party and the zombies and he knew. Finally, after three solid minutes of Troy’s silent panic, Abed spoke.

            “I love you.”

[scarlettwitcher]

The Funny Thing About Life

Summary: Dean struggles with the aftermath of a difficult event in his life involving reader. (It’s super vague I know, but if I literally explain anything, it’s all spoilers. I swear it’s good)

Characters: Dean, Reader, Sam, Cas, OC!Leu, mentions of Ellen and Jo

Word Count: 5,300

Warnings: Angst up the wazoo, mild description of wounds, also some of the warnings are spoilers so I’m putting them in the tags lol

Author’s Note: Here’s this fic that I wrote a few weeks ago. I haven’t had a chance to post it till now. I was inspired after watching a youtuber play a game based on this concept. If anyone’s curious about the theme I was going for, let me know. I’m very glad to explain. I hope you guys like it, I haven’t written Dean in years lol. I apologize in advance if it’s bad, I’m not good at angst.

Death was inevitable. Dean knew that, Sam knew that, even Cas knew that but given the type of life they lived, they didn’t know when it was going to be permanent or if it was just a never ending cycle of lost heartbeats and gasps for air. Sometimes death was permanent and there was nothing they could do about it, watching countless friends and family pass away right under their noses. Sam and Dean somehow always found a way to cheat death though. Come back and walk the earth as if they hadn’t just been lifeless moments ago. Deal after deal after deal trying to protect each other from what was the inevitable end for the brothers. It wasn’t until you had just danced your way into their lives that they started to value life for what it was without trying to die. You traveled with the brothers for years, keeping them company in the back of the impala, cracking horrible joke after joke, offering your candy to a grumpy dean, or just sleeping the previous hunt away. To the outside world, it probably would’ve been weird just how comfortable the three of you became in a short amount of time but you just understood each other. The brothers had already lived a long and hard life before you came into the picture. They took their necessary precautions when it came to you but in a few short months, you had become one of their own. 

Living a life with the Winchesters was tough and sometimes downright impossible but you proved loyal to them every moment you could, sticking by through their hardest moments. Dean became attached not only to your beautiful face and appealing form but to your kind soul, your caring nature, your inability to give up. If he was to be completely honest, he fell in love with you the moment he first met you but he’d never admit it. He’ll never admit how much your smile can brighten his days instantly, how your laugh is his favorite song over Zeppelin and Jovi, how every moment with you is his favorite. He always had it bad for you since the moment you joined his misshapen crew. Dean could never understand how lucky he got that you even glanced in his direction, let alone fall in love with him too. He was terrified at first. He knew he had destructive habits, moments of lost clarity where he wasn’t himself truly. Having traveled with Dean for years before finding the bunker, you understood this, understood him. You were patient, loving, and Dean would never say it, but in a way you were his salvation. You showed him how to love himself first and how to better improve for himself and not only did he grow and achieve that, he learned how to truly love you. 

“Dean. Dean? Hey!” Dean snapped out of his thoughts of you to look up at Sam as he waved his hands in front of Dean trying to get his attention. Dean looked at Sam emotionless as Sam sighed, flipping his computer around to show Dean some camera footage. “There was a sighting of a man and a woman in New Mexico and caught police attention. Here they are passing through a gas station.” Dean clenched his jaw as he watched the tape play, the man they had been tracking for weeks walking across the aisle, motioning towards the girl to grab food for herself. The girl looked timid, almost broken as she grabbed a few bags of snacks, and water. Even though the tape was grainy and just a bit laggy, he could see the shake in her hands, the tremble in her body, the way her eyes looked everywhere in desperation almost as if she was waiting for someone to save her. The girl looked up at the camera, her eyes wide and teary, one eye clearly bruised up, cheek swollen, lips parted from what only looked like constant abuse. Dean felt the anger boiling inside of him as he pushed the laptop back at Sam, a bit more forcefully than he meant. Sam only let out a quiet click of his tongue as he took his laptop back, scrolling through a few more camera feeds. 

“When?” 

“Two weeks ago.” Dean grabbed the whiskey bottle as he filled his cup back up, throwing the glass back, the amber liquid burning his throat. Dean let out a quiet hiss before moving to refill his glass once more.

“Dean, how much have you drank?”

“Does it matter?”

“You know she wouldn-”

“Dammit Sammy, she’s not here is she?! She’s not here to tell me I shouldn’t.” Dean growled out loudly as he stood, chest puffed out as his breathing became more ragged and hard with every breath he took. Sam said nothing as he stared his brother down, trying to get his thoughts together. Dean was tense and if Sam pushed him, he’d probably break and take it out on him and that last thing they needed was to waste time they could be using to find you. 

“We’ll get her back, Dean. I know it’s only a matter of time but she’ll be home soon.” Dean only shook his head as he grabbed the whiskey bottle, leaving his cup on the table as he made his way towards his room which really was his and yours. Dean walked in, looking around, almost as if he was searching for you from instinct, searching for any movement, smell, any indication that you were in the room, hiding from him like you always did. He clenched his jaw, knowing you weren’t there and he felt the tension building in his bones again at the reality of the situation as he took a large sip from the bottle, trying to drown everything with the golden liquid. He wanted to drown his memories of you, thoughts of you, the smell of you, and forget. Forget you’re gone, out of his reach, forget that he didn’t protect you like he promised and had failed you. 

A month had passed since you disappeared. Dean couldn’t find you and after a week of no contact, he grew increasingly worried. It wasn’t like you to leave without a notice, without a call, or a note, or even a text. Saying that Dean was losing his mind was the understatement of the year. No one had heard from you and not even Cas could tune into your location. Dean denied it. He denied any idea that you had abandoned him, that you were fed up with your life with the Winchesters. He denied the thought that you didn’t love him anymore. Sam reassured him constantly that there was no way you had left him, that you were just as love sick as Dean. 

Another week passed and nothing. That was until Sam found something, or in this case, he was sent something. A video. Dean threw up after the first few minutes of watching the video and he couldn’t stomach watching the rest, leaving Sam to have to watch it, searching for any clues that could aid the brothers. The video was of you, bound and bloody, screaming into a mouth gag as the hooded man carved into your skin, making you sing songs that Dean would gladly never, ever listen to again. You looked like you had gone through hell and back. The man laughed in the video as he finally showed his face. “Hello Deaaanie! You’re probably wondering who I am. You can call me Leu.” The man chuckled as he moved closer to your exhausted form, wincing  as he grabbed your chin hard, making you face the camera. “Say hello to your dear husband sweetie.” 

Your tired eyes fluttered for a few seconds before focusing on the camera. Your lips parted slightly as you took a deep breath. Your throat was sore, like you had swallowed knives from all the screaming. “Dean, baby, don’t.” That’s all that you managed to say before the man slapped you hard, knowing the few specs of oxygen out of your lungs, leaving you almost breathless as you tried to breathe. 

“Well that was lame, I was expecting something more heartfelt. Oh well. Come and find me Dean.” The video went dark after that, Dean’s solemn and terrified face staring back at him. He grimaced and looked away, feeling the shame building inside of him more and more as the seconds passed by. He should’ve protected you better, should’ve been a better partner to you. Your blunt statement started ringing in his ears as he remembered what you said. Don’t. He knew exactly what you were talking about but he couldn’t bring himself to listen to you. How could you tell him not to when he had to and would. Sam had begun to do everything he could, tracing the video, searching for the mystery man in all of the databases, and unfortunately, re-watching the video for anything he missed, anything that could tip him off about your location. 

Dean laid on his bed as he stared at the bottle of whiskey, his anger boiling inside of him, his inability of being able to find you, adding gasoline to the fire burning inside of him. Sam had found a lead though and it seemed promising. He was about to take another sip but the loud call of his name had him running down the bunker, towards the main room where Sam was typing away furiously into his computer. “Dean, look at this.” Sam was about to show him another video feed before the video was interrupted, the skype window filling the whole screen, someone trying to call them. The name showed ‘Unknown Caller’. Sam sighed as he pointed towards the screen. “This is the third time this person calls.”

Dean grunted and clicked on the answer button ready to tell whoever was on the other end to go screw themselves but before the video loaded, there was a soft moan from a woman, one in pain, one Dean recognized all too well. The video loaded in and Dean was face to face with your broken body and the so-called Leu beside you. He had a large grin as he moved closer to the camera. “Finally! I really thought you were ignoring me for a second. Wouldn’t want to make our dear Y/n worry.”

“Son of a bitch! I’ll kill you!” Dean roared out, almost tempted to punch the computer screen but Sam was very ready to contain his brother.

“Now now Deano, don’t be so rude. We have a guest.” Leu walked closer to you, poking you with the knife in his hand. You stirred slowly, groaning as he touched another wound on your skin. You looked thinner, you clearly lost a lot of weight and that really worried Dean. “Don’t you dare touch her.”

“A little late for that remark. I really think I’ve created a masterpiece. So many different hues of blue and purple but my favorite is red.” Leu began to drag his hand across your arm, pulling grunts of pain from you before chuckling quietly as he walked back towards the camera. 

“What do you want?” Sam chimed up when he realized all of Dean’s focus was on you, watching as you struggled to breathe and move. Your bones ached with every movement and there was a point where you just stopped moving, the uncomfortable position better than the burning of your skin. 

“I want you to suffer.” Leu smiled wide as he turned and motioned to you. “It’s pretty easy really. The cycle of life, if you’d like to give it an official name. ”

‘You will pay for this. You will suffer as much as she has and worse.”

Leu let out a full belly laugh as he looked at the camera, wiping away fake tears. “Oh wow I’m definitely trembling in fear.” Both the brothers stared at Leu. If looks could kill, Leu would’ve been assassinated gruesomely. “ You can’t hurt me but I can hurt you. Enjoy this moment because after this, you will never see her again.” Just before the camera cut out, Leu blinked his eyes portraying the black eyes that constantly mocked the brother their whole lives. Demon. 

Dean felt his jaw clench and as he opened his mouth to speak, say anything, the call ended. The screen was blank and that was the last time he ever saw you just as Leu promised and that drove Dean just a bit closer to insanity. Dean didn’t waste a single second before moving back to his room and hastily packing his bag, shaving any clothes he could get his hands on in it. He grabbed his weapons and anything else he needed before moving back towards the main room where a confused Sam sat, typing away at his computer. He looked up as Dean dropped his bag on the floor, moving towards the bookshelf looking for something he also needed. 

“Dean, don’t.” 

“You can’t stop me Sammy.”

“She wouldn’t want this, you know that.”

“I’m leaving.” Finding what he needed, Dean grabbed his duffle bag from the floor before he hastily made his way to the garage. Sam knew better than to try to even reason with Dean. When it came to you, he would move heaven and hell a million times over to get to you. As Dean entered the garage, he threw his bag in the back of the impala, before slipping into the driver’s side, speeding out of the Bunker, a man on a mission. He knew the way to the crossroads like the back of his hand. He had done this countless times, he knew the drills. Crowley was no longer an option and he had to resort to old ways. Pulling up to the location, he moved on autopilot. He opened the trunk and pulled out a tin can, already prepared. Dean double checked it before making his way towards the middle. He set the trap in place before he dug the hole, burying the box.

“You know, we had a bet going to see how long I’d take for you to appear here.” Dean turned to face the Demon. Dean’s expression never faltered, if anything it became more menacing. The demon smirked as it watched Dean, walking around in the circle as she sighed, clearly already bored.

“Then you know why I’m here.”

“Yes… I do.” The demon moved closer to Dean, almost taunting him as her eyes flashed black. She chuckled quietly before clicking her tongue. “Unfortunately for you Winchester, I can’t make the deal.”

“Then get me someone who can.”

“That’s the thing pretty boy, we can’t.” Dean felt his lip curl in anger as he tried to stay composed but it was getting harder with every second that passed that he wasn’t getting what he needed. 

“I don’t want time, trade me for her.”

“I’m sorry Dean but no can do.” The demon was clearly amused and not an ounce of sympathy was in her actions. Dean licked his lips as he nodded his understanding. He rubbed his chin with his thumb before quickly turning and stabbing the demon straight in the gut. The demon flashed as it died on Dean’s blade but Dean showed no emotion. It didn’t matter how long it took, he would find someone who could give exactly what he wanted and what he wanted was you, safe at home. 

Demon kill after demon kill, Dean was relentless. Weeks and weeks of capturing and torturing any demon he could get his hands on. Then, they stopped appearing completely. The demons stopped appearing and Dean was losing his mind. He never had felt so out of loss of control as he did in that moment. He was sitting in his motel, staring at a photo he had of you and him. You were sitting at the bar table with Dean at your left side and Sam on your other. You all had chosen to stop at Ellen's for the night. Sam had gotten up to go to the restroom and left you and Dean at the bar. Dean thought it would be smart to say something funny and you were laughing hard as Dean watched you with a huge smile himself. Jo was working the bar and thought it was a cute sight and snapped a quick photo with her phone. Looking at the photo now, Dean realized this was when he really started falling in love with you. It was super obvious in the way he was smiling in the photo, watching you as you laughed your worries away. Dean ran his fingers across the creases the photo had from the wear and tear of being in his wallet. That moment felt like it was a lifetime ago when it really only was a few years old. 

Dean took a deep breath as he gingerly put the photo back into his wallet before tossing it on his bed. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey he had bought earlier, popping the lid, and taking a big swig of it. The amber liquid burned his throat but he didn't care. He welcomed the pain. He welcomed any distraction from his reality. Dean was no stranger to depression and feelings of inadequacy but this was a whole new level of low. Everything he promised he would and wouldn't do, he had done and that wasn't his biggest failure. His biggest failure was keeping you to himself when he knew you were worth more than someone like him and here you were, paying the consequences for his inability to admit that to himself. Dean felt the anger slowly dissipating, being replaced with the sorrow your absence created. He never wanted to know what life was like without you and now he did. He hated it. 

Dean never stopped looking for you. The days passed and he kept looking, pouring himself into his work, but each day, it was harder and harder for him. He'd drink his pain away, resort to the devil's liquid to get through his days. He became an empty shell of himself. Sam stopped calling after a few months of Dean ignoring his calls. Dean knew his brother deserved better too. It wasn't just losing you that affected him, it was losing his best friend, his hunting partner, his wife. Till death do you part. The few days he was conscious, those words rang through his head. Were you even alive? Had you escaped and just not come back? Was your body at the bottom of a lake? In a ditch? He didn't know and that's what sent him down his dark path. 

After a year passed, his depression got worse but he knew he had to return home. He wasn't Dean anymore and he didn't think he would be again. He felt numb at best. Walking back into the bunker by himself, was a new slap to his face. This was it. He had to accept that you were gone and you weren't coming back. Sam heard the door and made his way to the stairs, staring at what was left of Dean. Dean was thinner, he had new scars, he looked like he hadn't slept in months, and his eyes were just different. "Hey Sammy."

Dean would like to say it happened quick, that he was okay within a year, but that would be a lie. It took him years before he could even say your name again. Sam had finished making dinner and they sat in the library in comfortable silence as they ate before Dean pulled out his wallet, pulling out the photo of the two of you, dropping it between the two on the table. Sam looked at the photo with furrowed brows before looking up at Dean silently asking about it. Dean cleared his throat as he tried to organize his thoughts but in reality, he didn't want to. He was tired. He just wanted to talk. 

"Remember when we stopped at Ellen's? Y/n was just whining and whining about how much she missed her and Jo? She drove us crazy that whole drive?" Dean chuckled quietly as Sam nodded. 

"She said she wouldn't be your friend anymore if we didn't stop there."

"I couldn't believe she had even said that. Thought I was having a nightmare." 

"I mean, we both know she was just fibbing. Had she pushed just a bit more, you would've caved anyways."

"Yeah, she did have me wrapped around her finger, didn't she?"

Sam scoffed and smiled as he stared at the photo. "Since the first day we met her." Sam felt his smile falter a bit as he nodded towards the photo, his eyes flicking up to watch Dean, being careful with how he approached his next question. "Do you miss her?"

Dean felt his eyes water. He wasn't one to cry but when it came to you, the tears always flowed freely. "Always. Every day. I don't think I ever stop missing her."

"You haven't said her name since the day you came back."

"I know. I think I'm ready."

"To talk about her?"

"To let her go." Sam didn't need to ask what Dean meant. He knew exactly what it meant. Sam nodded his understanding before motioning for Dean to finish eating. 

By the end of the day, both boys had organized everything they needed, standing in front of the Hunter's funeral they had created. They didn't have a body to burn but had replaced it with all of your favorite things, everything that made you you. There was a plate with your favorite food, your favorite shirt, and little things you loved to collect. Dean stared at it all. This was it. Sam waited for Dean to ask him to stop. When the minutes passed and he said nothing, he threw the lighter onto the wood, watching as it all engulfed in flames. Dean accepted your death and hoped that you were in heaven, enjoying yourself. You deserved it. 

"Dean?"

"Yeah Sammy?"

"Wake up." Dean furrowed his brows as he looked over at Sam. 

"What?"

"Dean, wake up!" 

Dean jolted awake, pulling the gun out from under his pillow, aiming it at Sam's head as Sam jumped back with his hands in the air. "Woah woah!"

Dean groaned out as he put the gun down, sighing as he rubbed at his eyes. "What's going on Sam?"

Sam sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, hating what he had to do. "Dean, come on. It's today." Dean felt the blood run cold inside of him as he looked up at Sam, feeling the anger raise in his blood. 

"Is Y/n ready?" Sam swallowed thickly before nodding his head. He felt his throat closing up before clearing it. 

"Yeah." Sam didn't want to talk more as he made his way out of Dean's room. Dean let his head fall back into his pillow as he stared at the ceiling. What a fucking nightmare he just had. He looked over at the picture frame he had on the small bedside table. He picked it up and stared at the photo before taking a deep breath. 

"When I come back, I'll tell you all about the nightmare I had. You won't believe it. It felt so real." Dean kissed the frame softly before putting it back on the table. He got up and made his way to the closet, pulling out his fed suit. He remembered clearly that you had asked him to wear his best suit, he had to dress up fancy. You wouldn't accept anything less. He chuckled as he could hear your words echoing in his head. "You better look good Winchester or else you'll feel my wrath. I won't even make you pie for a whole month." 

This feeling in Dean's chest was heavy, it felt like he had swallowed bricks and they were sitting in his lungs, ready to suffocate him. He grabbed a red tie you had bought him just for this. You had to match, you told him when you gave it to him. He stood in front of the mirror, going through the motions he knew all too well. Once he was done, he walked over to his dresser, slipping on his wedding band, smiling at the relief the known weight brought to him. Once he was ready he made his way outside where Sam, Cas, and you were waiting for him. He felt the breath in his lungs be knocked out of him as his eyes fell on you. You were wearing a beautiful red dress, your favorite dress. Your hair was curled and you weren't wearing any makeup, your natural beauty shining through. Dean swallowed thickly as he kept his eyes on you, committing the memory to sight. 

Sam nodded his head to Dean before looking over at you, feeling the swell of emotions bursting in his chest. The weight of the lighter heavy in his palm. He took a deep breath and threw it, watching as you burst into flames from the moment it made contact with your skin. The three boys stood watch as you slowly burned away, moving on to heaven where you wouldn't suffer anymore. "Goodbye baby." Dean murmured as he watched the flames slowly die out. The sky trembled and within minutes, the rain poured onto the men but they didn't care. 

"I'm sorry Dean."

"It's not your fault Cas."

"I should've done better.” 

"It's what she wanted Cas." Cas took a deep breath before turning back to the burned embers of where you used to be, of what's left of you. 

"She deserved better than this."

"That's the funny thing about life isn't it?"

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

"What's your name Sweetheart?"

You chuckled as you pulled your knife out of the monster you had just killed. "Wouldn't you like to know sweet cheeks?" Dean chuckled as he licked his lips. Sam joined the both of you as you all made sure there were no more threats. "But if you really long for this information, I'll indulge you. It's Y/n."

.               .               .               .               .               .               . 

"Dean?"

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"This isn't a one time thing right?" Dean frowned as he looked down at you as you laid on his bare chest. The fact that you even had to ask him hurt his heart. He knew in that moment he wanted nothing more than for you to wake up everyday in his arms. 

"Of course not. It never was." Dean kissed your head gently and you hummed your appreciation, slowly succumbing to sleep in his hold. 

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

"Dean we need to talk."

"You can't break up with me. We're already married." You let out a choked laugh as you tried to think of the best way to tell him. 

"I need you to be serious with me for a second." Dean felt cold. Whenever you said something like this to him, it was never good news. He didn't say anything and you took a deep breath, unknowingly speaking what would be your demise. "The doctor called me today."

"And?"

"I tested positive."

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

"So when do you start losing your hair?" You chuckled quietly as Cas grabbed your hair, looking at it like it would attack him. 

"When I start treatment. Doc said it would be aggressive." Dean sighed as he held your hand and you looked at him with a soft smile. 

"There's still time." 

"No Dean besides, I'm okay with it. I'm not scared to die." 

"But I'm scared to lose you."

"I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere." As much as Dean would've loved to push you, he knew he needed to support any decision you made. He owed you that much as much as he hated it. 

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

"We should name it."

"Name what?"

"My sickness duh." Dean looked at you like you grew a second head and you laughed. "Don't look at me like that?"

"Why do you want to name it?" Sam was also looking at you the way Dean was and you rolled your eyes, poking at your food with your fork. As the time passed, it was getting harder and harder for you to eat but Dean pushed you, trying to get you to eat anything. 

"To make it normal. For me." 

Dean took a deep breath as he watched you poke your food before licking his lips. "Alright, I'll bite. What do you want to name it?"

"Well I don't want to name it something outrageous. I was thinking about Leu. "

"Leu?"

"Short for Leukemia. I thought it was clever."

Dean smiled slightly as he nodded. "Very clever."

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

"Dean?"

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"Promise me that if you see a girl in a bar and she's hot you'll go for it."

"Now's not the time for jokes." You coughed quietly as you tried your best to scowl at him. 

"I'm not joking. I'm serious. I want you to have a life after me, after all of this." 

"There's nothing after you."

"Don't be such a romantic and promise me you'll live your life when I'm gone."

Dean sighed and remembered his promise to support what you wanted. "I'll try."

"Good. You need some friends." Dean laughed as he moved to get comfortable. Sitting next to the bed where you lay, surrounded by tubes and wires wasn't the best place for comfort but he didn't care. Before he could respond, your nurse came in to check on you for the night. 

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

The day you passed away, Dean was in shock, numb to the world. He never thought it would happen. A whirlwind of doctors running into the room, pushing him out so they could try to revive you, except they couldn't. You signed a DNR. Dean was left with himself, having to watch as you took your last breath. The loud dinging of your heart monitor making him feel like he'd lost his hearing, forever cursed to hear that sound. He didn't sleep that night. He couldn't. Returning to an empty bed, a bed you belonged in, was the icing on top of the shit cake he was handed. He broke a lot of furniture that night. 

.               .               .               .               .               .               .

"Yeah, I guess it is." Dean felt his lungs cut off his air as flashes of memories of you played throughout his head. Sam patted Dean on his shoulder, relaying his silent support. Dean nodded towards him in thanks. The sound of Sam's boots crunching in the dirt sounded behind Dean as Cas moved to stand next to Dean. 

"Did you dress her?"

"Sam couldn't and asked me to. She picked a nice wig. It’s really close to her natural hair."

"Thanks Cas, really."

Cas stayed quiet as he looked at the burnt spot on the floor. He didn't want to leave his friend alone, not during his weakest moments. He knew Sam left because he didn't want to cry with Dean around, it wasn't about him, it was about Dean. Cas smiled slightly as he thought of you. "You can go inside Cas."

Cas nodded as he pat Dean in the back. "I'll be inside."

Dean stared at the floor, the rain completely drenching him. His hair was matted to his head and a slight breeze made his teeth chatter but he couldn't move. He had to stay around just a bit more. His eyes were glued to the ash on the floor. He took a deep breath as his fingers fumbled with his wedding band, trying to figure out what to say. “I know I said I’d tell you about my nightmare later but I think now is a good time. You’ll probably laugh but it started with me and Sammy..”

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[gii-heylittleangel]

The Final Act | happiness & resurrection & fix-it fic & happy ending | 1.5k

Read it on AO3 or keep reading here.

*

“He’s restless, isn’t he?” Jack stares at the Empty, looks at its real form, and feels the anger inside it; the hatred and the rage and the tiredness. “He won’t let you sleep.”

The Empty doesn’t answer but Jack doesn’t need it to; he knows exactly what it is thinking: take him away; make him sleep; let me sleep. And Jack wants to; he wants to take Castiel away, bring him back to Earth where he belongs. And, while he could just take Castiel away without the Empty’s consent, that’s not who Jack wants to be because he doesn’t to want end up like Chuck, meddling and poking into people’s lives just because he has the power to do it. He has no right in doing those things.

Still, it’s not just because of his powers that Jack wants to do it. He wants to because he’s still Jack; because he still remembers the safe feeling he had whenever he was around Castiel; he still knows the certainty he had on Castiel, how he would do everything he could to protect Jack. The love he has for Castiel is still there and Jack can’t imagine allowing Castiel to stay in this place; in this cold, dark place, a place that makes Castiel relieve all the things he regrets over and over again—and he knows there are hundreds of other angels going through the same and that saving Castiel makes him look selfish, but he can’t care about it at the moment.

And Jack wants to protect Castel from that; he wants to save him just as Castiel saved him so many times. He also can’t help but think about Dean and Sam and how they’re suffering with Castiel’s absence, how the pain and the grief are still in them, as relieved as they are for the world being safe. Jack wants to protect them as much as he can.

So that’s why Jack walks forward, stepping closer to the Empty and staring straight at it. “I can take him from here, bring him back to Earth. You’ll get your sleep back and I’ll make sure you won’t be bothered if I can help it. But you have to give me permission and accept the fact that Castiel won’t be coming back here. Not again, not ever.”

The Empty doesn’t seem keen on accepting the terms, the reluctance and the stubbornness in letting Castiel go after so much work to bring him close, to trap him in an endless sleep, to make him suffer. But both Jack and the entity know Castiel isn’t someone you contain; God himself tried and failed to do it.

Seconds stretch into minutes that seem to stretch into hours as the Empty stares right into Jack, trying to decipher his intentions and to analyze how true Jack is being with his promise. But Jack’s got nothing to hide; it can look as much as it wants, search for any inconsistency in Jack’s promise for as long as it wants because it won’t find anything. If there is something Jack has learned is to always be true, even when it hurts, because it won’t hurt as much as it will when the truth finally knocks on the door—and it always does. Jack has learnt that lesson in the hardest way.

Finally, the Empty quietly agrees, waving its hand to make Castiel appear between the two of them, still asleep. There’s no peace in Castiel though; his muscles tense up and his restlessness comes in waves at Jack, showing some of the memories he’s relieving. The thing that truly gets Jack’s attention is the feeling of regret Castiel has about his own feelings, caused by not being true to himself and to others, especially Dean. And Jack wants to make it right, wants to give the two a chance at being as happy as they deserve to be.

So he looks at Empty, nodding at it softly. “Thank you. I will let you return to your sleep now.”

Its form slowly melts onto the floor, turning solid until it disappears completely, an outer-worldly quietness finally settling over the Empty. Jack kneels by Castiel’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder to slowly pull him out of his slumber. Castiel awakes with a gasp, his eyes fluttering open, pupils blown wide and filled with fear. Jack waits for Castiel to calm down, letting him look around as he realizes he’s alive and awake, but still in the Empty.

When he seems adjusted to being awake once again, he turns to Jack, his face illuminating, a hand reaching towards him before brusquely pulling it back. “Are you a dream?”

Jack smiles softly, reaching out his own hand and waiting for Castiel to touch it, to see it’s real. “I am not a dream, Cas. It really is me.”

Castiel gapes, staring at Jack in amazement, pushing himself to his knees so he can put his arms around Jack, pulling him tight onto his chest. “But, if you’re here, it means you’re— Are you dead, Jack?”

“No, and neither are you.” Jack gently pulls away, standing up and extending a hand towards Castiel. “I”m taking you back to Earth, Cas. If you want to.”

The surprise on Castiel’s face is so powerful Jack almost chuckles. He tugs Castiel’s hand to pull him up and to shake him out of his stupor. “B-but Jack, how? What happened?”

“I think that’s an answer best left for Dean and Sam. I imagine you will want to see them?” Castiel smiles, pulling Jack in for another hug and Jack lets himself sink onto the hug for just a few seconds; he has missed Castiel so much for so little time, he now just wants to stay with him, even knowing he shouldn’t.

Castiel pulls away, placing his hands on Jack’s cheeks and staring intently at him. “You’ve grown. You’ve gained Chuck’s powers, haven’t you?” Jack nods softly, lips dry as he fears Castiel’s reactions, but he only smiles, sliding his hands to Jack’s shoulders and squeezing them affectionately. “I’m proud of you. I’m certain you’ll be a much better God than Chuck could have ever been.”

Jacks smiles, his cheeks tinting pink with the compliment. “Thank you, Cas. Are you ready to go back to Earth and stay there this time?” 

Castiel chuckles, nodding. “More than ready.”

“But there’s something I should tell you before.” Castiel turns to him, his smile slowly fading, replaced by fear. “If I take you back, you’ll become human once more. No turning into one or another anymore.”

Castiel nods, his shoulders relaxing down his back, relief softening his features. “It’ll be a nice change to finally be just one of them. Being human is… an extraordinary experience. I’ll be happy as one.”

“And you won’t ever need to come back here.”

“Yes, that’s also a plus side.” 

They smile at each other, and Jack can see how lighter Castiel seems, how he seems so adjusted to the idea of being one hundred percent human again; and Jack can’t blame him. As long as Castiel is happy with his choices, Jack is also happy.

He places a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and, together, they plunge into darkness as Jack guides them to Lebanon, right outside the bunker. The front door is closed as usual, but there are cars parked close by and the sounds of what seems like a celebration coming from the inside, cheering and laughter and clapping. Castiel turns to face him, his expression anxious, seeming in doubt between knocking on the door or staying with Jack.

Nodding to the door, Jack says, “Go on. They’ll be ecstatic in seeing you.”

Castiel smiles sadly. “You’re not coming, are you?” Jack only shakes his head, knowing he doesn’t need to put it into words for Castiel; they both understand it well enough.

Once Castiel has knocked on the door, Jack places his hand back on his shoulder, letting just a flick of power flow through his fingers and onto Castiel. Instantly, he can see Castiel’s wings slowly finish to disintegrate, Castiel’s grace changing until it resembles a human soul. Castiel turns to him, amazement written on his face, a big smile pulling his lips up. He doesn’t say anything but Jack doesn’t need any words, just as Castiel didn’t need any from him. Jack just wants him to be happy and he knows that being human and being with his family once again is what will make Castiel happy.

Jack smiles at Castiel, his form starting to shimmer and disappear. “Enjoy, Castiel. Be happy.”

He stays long enough to see Dean open the door to the bunker, his eyes widening when he sees Castiel, not wasting a second before pulling Castiel into his arms in a crushing bear hug. Jack leaves them like that, clinging to each other as if their lives depend on it, which Jack can’t say for sure it doesn’t. The happiness he sees on their faces is enough to assure Jack that he has done the right thing and that’s enough for him.

The world is at peace and safe, Team Free Will is back together and ready to go back to their own lives, and the people are free to do as they will. There is nothing more Jack can want now; there is nothing more he needs to do but live.

                                                       THE END

[spacewalkerprincess]

How supernatural should have ended: Destiel addition

Dean walked over to Sam, dodging people as they walked by so he wouldn’t drop the variety of pies he bought. He plopped down next to his brother and smiled to himself as he took the first bite of a cherry pie. As he swallowed, he felt a set of eyes staring at him. He looked over to see Sam, annoyed as always.

“What?” Dean asked, his mouth full of cherries. “Oh… did you want some?”

He clumsily held out the box of pies towards Sam so that he could take his pick. A devilish grin flashed over Sam’s face as he got an idea. Before Dean could process what was happening, a cream pie was splattered over his face. He heard Sam snickering to himself as he wiped the pie from his cheek and stuck his finger in his mouth. For a moment, he was mad at Sam for wasting a piece of pie, but it tasted too good to stay mad, even if it was slathered across his face. He shook his head like Miracle did when his fur got wet, splattering the loose cream onto Sam’s face. Sam groaned, but as he looked over at Dean, who still had cream all over his face, he couldn’t help but laugh. Not long after, Dean joined in until the both of them were hunched over in a fit of laughter.  

It was Dean who went silent first. A pained expression flashed across his face as his jaw tightened. Sam looked over to his older brother in confusion.

“What is it?” he questioned.

Dean breathed in a shaky breath. “The last time…” he began, but paused to hold in tears, not wanting to show Sam how badly he was breaking inside. “The last time we laughed like that… Cas and Jack were still here.”

A sad smile spread across Sam’s lips and he nodded as if agreeing with his brother. Dean hadn’t said it in words, but Sam knew what he meant. “I miss them too.”

“Do you know what Cas’ last words were, Sam?” asked Dean, his voice cracking. His eyes began to water at the memory of Castiel’s death. Sam shook his head, waiting for Dean to continue. “Goodbye, Dean,” he recites.

The meaning was lost on Sam, he didn’t know how much those words meant or the feelings that were behind them, but he continues to listen.

“I didn’t stop him. He sacrificed himself for me again and I didn’t stop him,” Dean added more to himself than to Sam. Tears were starting to brim in his eyes.

Sam placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder to comfort him. He knew how hard Cas’ death was for himself and he couldn’t imagine how Dean was feeling. “You said you didn’t know what he was doing until it was too late. It’s not your fault, Dea—”

“—I should’ve known,” he adds, cutting Sam off, his voice and his eyes filled with desperation. “I was so stupid. I didn’t know. I should’ve known.”

“Known what?!” Sam blurted out. He was getting worried. It was a rarity seeing Dean in this state.

“I should’ve known that Cas loved me!” Dean yelled back before he could filter himself. He took deep breaths in and out, trying to calm himself down. When he looked up, Sam was staring at him in disbelief. It wasn’t until now that Dean realized why he was so upset; a realization he couldn’t yet accept.

“He was in love with me, Sam, and I didn’t say it back,” Dean said. “I didn’t say it back.”

It was in that moment, as a tear fell down Dean’s cheek, that Sam realized what was going on: it wasn’t just Castiel who had unresolved feelings. His heart ached for his friend, wishing he was here with them. His heart ached for Cas, who died without knowing if Dean loved him back. His heart ached for Dean, who never would get to say those words to him.

Lost in his thoughts, Sam hadn’t noticed Dean get up from the bench. Dean staggered towards the trees, his thoughts spiraling as he pushed through the branches to an opening in the woods. He felt like he might faint, unsure of what to do with all of the feeling happening within him. He steadied himself against a tree, the bark rough against his jacket, and looked up to the sky which was shadowed by tree branches.

“Cas…” he breathed out. “I know you can’t hear prayers where you are, but I’m gonna pretend like you can cause I might go crazy if I don’t.”

He chuckled softly to himself, fondly thinking of all of the things he’d want to say to Cas if he could actually hear him or better yet, if he was there with him. Oh how he wished Cas was there with him.

“I know that I couldn’t have stopped you from sacrificing yourself even if I wanted to, but I have some things I wish I could have said to you before… well, you know,” he spoke. He laughed in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay but failed miserably as his breath caught in his throat.

The words he wanted to say felt heavy on his tongue. His feelings had been pushed down for so long that he didn’t know how to say them out loud— it felt foreign to him. He looked up at the sky again, even though he knew Cas wasn’t there—It was enough for him to pretend like Castiel was listening.

           “All of these years, I thought that you were another person that I couldn’t have. When we met, you didn’t even believe in humanity. I always knew that there was good in you, but I didn’t know that you’d end up being my best friend… my family. I didn’t know that you’d not only end up being good but being the best person that I know…” Dean smiled to himself before he continued. “The first time you told Sam and I that you loved us, I didn’t think it was in that way. The human way. I didn’t think that angels could even love in that way, but you proved me wrong. Damn did you prove me wrong…”

“I know you can’t hear me, but I thought I’d tell you…”  He smiled softly to himself as he breathed out the words, “I love you—”

A tear fell down his cheek as the wind around him picked up, swaying tree branches back and forth.

Suddenly the woods were still, the wind ceasing. It was completely silent.

Whoosh.

Dean whipped his head towards the sound, quickly wiping the tears from his cheeks. As he turned, he noticed a flash of beige. It wasn’t until he had fully turned to face the sound that he realized that the beige color he had seen was coming from a familiar trench coat.

“C-Cas?" Dean stuttered out, his mouth agape. He looked around in shock, unsure if he could trust that this was actually him.

“Is it really you?” Castiel stepped forward, causing Dean to lean back in caution. “How are you here?”

Castiel eyes softened as he looked over at Dean. “Jack owed me a favor.”

“Cas, I—”

“You don’t have to say it, I heard your prayer,” he whispered, a small grin forming on his lips as he thought of the first time that he had said those words. They had been here before, but this time, their love shown above the surface instead of hiding in their hearts.

Only Cas could have known about this memory Dean realized and in a split second, his walls came crashing down. He took a stride forward, wrapping Castiel in his arms. Castiel smiled against Dean’s shoulder and held Dean as close as he could.

They held each other for what felt like an eternity before pulling away. It took a second for Dean to register everything that had just occurred and when it finally did, his cheeks flushed bright red.

“So…you heard all of that?” Dean asked sheepishly. When Castiel nodded, Dean coughed uncomfortably and puffed up his chest, trying to rescue what was left of his tough image, but when Castiel chuckled, his walls came tumbling down once again. He couldn’t pretend with him.

Dean looked over at the man he loved, his heart swelling with relief that he was back. “Thank you for saving me.”

Castiel met his eyes and took his large hand in his. “You’re worth saving… You always have been,” he uttered, truly believing his words.

And for the first time in his life, Dean believed it, too.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

“Since I had to bury him …” Dean alone.

Dean alone had to be the one to bury Cas in the Malak box. You would think—like the last time Cas went insane, that Dean and Sam would be working together to wrangle him in; but that doesn’t seem to be the case in the future that Chuck is showing us. In fact, the entire time Dean is speaking—there is a divide, an obvious separation between what is Sam’s and what is Dean’s. Sam’s intentions versus Dean’s. Sam’s motivations versus Dean’s … and Sam’s heartbreak versus Dean’s. And Sam’s heartbreak has left him chasing a certain death, whereas Dean’s has left him hopeless. It has left him defeated, and it has left him alone. Alone to be the reasonable brother, and he’s emphasizing that with comparisons.

Where Sam is fighting because he lost Eileen—Dean isn’t fighting with him in order to make him see that these battles won’t bring her back. Just like they won’t bring Cas back.If they could, then all the fighting that he did for Castiel would have been worth it. All the hurt, all the spells and trials and prayers and wishes would have saved Dean’s best friend, his reason for going on, his profound bond. Dean would have fought to the ends of the earth; but at some point, he knew—he had to accept that this was it.

And I feel that Castiel had to have accepted it too.He had to be the one to show Dean. He had to be the one to tell Dean to stop.

As an angel, the mark would have affected him differently. He has no soul to twist, so the only thing it could affect is his heart; but—just like when Dean was being overtaken by the mark, the memories, the shadows of his past, what he used to feel and care for were all still there in the back of Cas’s mind, just tapping on his walls, reminding him that whatever this is—isn’t him, just as Dean was probably reminding him with every breath he breathed.

“Cas—this isn’t you! You wouldn’t do this! You need to fight it! Please! Please fight it, Cas!”

And he would be screaming the words so loud and so often, that eventually, one of those walls in Cas’s mind—one of those thick, black walls that the mark had scaffolded inside him, up from his grace, around his heart, all the way along his spine to block out the light in his eyes … one of those walls would crack, just a little, just enough, the slightest shift for Dean’s words to get through. And in that brief, fleeting moment of murky clarity, Castiel—angel of the Lord and best friend of man—one man, would reach out to Dean and convince him that this is as far as they could go.

“Dean—I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I have failed you again.”

And with tears in his eyes—brought about by the pure relief of hearing his friend’s voice again, Dean would shake his head as he pulled Cas close. “No, Cas. You were saving us. You saved all of us, just like you always do. You saved me, just like you always do.”

The angel would close his eyes as he embraced his charge one last time, but he would not say aloud that it was their last, because that would be his biggest failure of all. “Dean, you know what has to be done” he said with tears in his own eyes now, because Dean Winchester could always bring them out of him. He could always bring Castiel’s heart to the surface.

“No, Cas. We’ll find a way—we always find a way” but for the first time in his entire life, Dean didn’t actually believe those words.

“Dean … please. I can’t hold the mark back much longer” and as he finally pulled away, feeling that curse yanking on his consciousness like hook and rod, Castiel pleads with the man one last time, looking him the eyes—one last time. Seeing the moment, and hating the moment that Dean realizes this truly is their one last time.

The Malek box was dragged to the garage and loaded into Castiel’s truck; and the entire drive to the coast was silent. No music. No jokes to make light of what this was. No talk of Sam, and how they left him back at the bunker because Dean couldn’t—he just couldn’t take the way his brother was looking at him. How Sam would look at Cas—look down at the cuffs they had put Cas in. Look at the warding they had scrawled across the angel’s trench coat … the angel’s idea, and a good one, but the graffiti was like a thousand stains on a pure white sheet. It was dirty and wrong, and that read loud and clear in Sam’s eyes, and Dean couldn’t take it. “Goodbye, Cas” his little brother said, just before awkwardly hugging the angel, still obviously cautious since the last time they stood so close. That encounter left Sam with a broken nose and three cracked ribs; and it left Dean with PTSD, because only moments later, as his brother laid unconscious on the floor, the darkened angel turned to him and began cutting himself. Dean had to watch in horror as Castiel sliced up and down his own body with his blade—screaming and laughing maniacally, knowing that his own pain would hurt Dean more than anything.

Dean shook his head and focused on the long stretch of highway that would take them to the ocean, not wanting to think about that horrible memory or his brother’s face before they left with the Malek box in tow. He didn’t want to think about any of it, because the hurt would swallow him whole the moment he let his guard down.

“It’s beautiful’ Castiel whispered, standing at the edge of the cliff, watching the moon shine on the open water, blue and bright, just like how his grace used to shine in his eyes.

Dean would remember that moon until his very last breath.

“I don’t want to do this, Cas.” The words came out crooked, lopsided with tears and pain, and the last bit of hope that the angel would turn around and tell him the mark was gone and everything was going to be okay again.

“You have to” was all his friend said—his back still to him, still focusing on the crashing ocean a thousand feet below.

The box was hauled to the edge. An ugly mass on the perfect landscape. A cancer, seeming to grow before Dean’s eyes, threatening to swallow everything in sight … and the only thing the man could see right now was Cas. Cas and the moonlight, and halo it seemed to make above his head.

The angel was the one who opened the box. Dean couldn’t bring himself to do it.

The angel opened it and then stepped inside. He crouched down and then sat, instantly wheezing as the mark fought against his efforts. “Dean! You need to close it now! You need to lock me in!”

The tears began to stream down his face as Dean forced himself to step closer.

“Dean! Now!” Cas screamed, thrashing himself against the metal inside. The mark on his arm burned red-hot, so bright that Dean could see it glowing through the angel’s marked up sleeve. “Dean!”

The man’s knees gave out as he stumbled forward, grabbing the lid to the box and bringing down, until it was just a third of the way from being closed. His tears fell onto Castiel’s shirt, and the angel’s own tears slid down the sides of his face as he looked up into Dean’s eyes for the very last time.

“You … you were the best part of my life” Cas choked, against the lump in his throat and against the mark.

Dean gasped on his sobs, unable to muscle out any response—hand trembling as it continued to hold up the lid of the box.

“Dean, thank you. Thank you for giving me my freedom.”

Dean broke, throwing the lid back as he threw himself forward, embracing his friend, his angel, once more—once more than the angel ever thought he’d get, so Castiel leaned into him, burying his face in Dean’s neck, fighting back the darkness in his mind with every last bit of free will he had.

“I love you, Casitel.”

The words echoed in the box, barely audible through Dean’s sobs, but Castiel heard them—and Castiel felt them, and with a gentle pull from the man’s arms, Castiel pressed his forehead against Dean’s, and he said them back.

For a moment, they stayed that way—and for that moment, there was peace. Peace in the world, peace in Cas’s mind, peace in their hearts. For that moment, all their moments came together; but that moment was stolen in the place of another. That moment was overtaken by the mark, just as it overtook all things.

“Dean!” Castiel threw his head back, his skull cracking against the metal floor, so hard that is made the side of the box shiver against Dean’s chest. “Shut it now!”

“No!” Dean pleaded, but he knew it was no use.

The angel’s eyes flooded black, and a wicked grin slipped across his face. “Aw, what’s the matter, Dean? Didn’t get your goodbye kiss?”

Dean stumbled backwards, watching as the angel he once knew, his best friend and his whole heart, disappeared once and for all.

“Let me out and I’ll give you all the kisses you want.”

The shell of the angel began to rise, but Dean rose faster and brought down the lid on his head.

“No! No! You son of a bitch! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you like I did your mother! You’ll be dust when I’m done with you!”

The voice—that once so familiar, so welcomed voice, shrieked and screamed from inside the box, and Dean curled to the ground, holding himself against the night and crying into the dirt. “I’m so sorry” he wept. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you!”

He repeated those words like a mantra, even as he used the last of his strength to push the box to the edge of the cliff. His words hung in the air beneath Cas’s screams as Dean pushed the box over and into the ocean. The moon watched as Dean looked down at the waves, his own tears mixing with them as his words fell too, fell into the chaos with Dean’s heart.

Dean considered throwing himself in as well. If not for Sam, he would have.

Dean alone, stood on the edge of the world and gave up hope.

Dean alone, gave up his everything.

Dean alone.

Dean was alone.

[lunaslashsea]

Crossover Fanfic Recs

The Addams Family/Harry Potter

'Family Values' by Ishtar Petunia Dursley discovers that taking care of two small boys is too much for her, so she passes the guardianship of Harry Potter over to a distant relative — Morticia Addams. With Harry growing up in a very different type of Family, Dumbledore desperately tries to get him back. But the Harry Potter who finally arrives at Hogwarts, along with his "cousins" Pugsley and Wednesday, will be nothing like what Dumbledore expects.

The Addams Family/Rise of the Guardians

'Nightmares for Christmas' by Neyiea Not all children are happy that their nightmares have disappeared, and as such North finds himself receiving a very unexpected letter several days before Christmas.

Big Hero 6/The Martian

'Big Hero Martian' by althor42 There would have been no rescue for Mark, if NASA had not noticed he was still alive. Unless of course, a certain Big Hero noticed instead.

Big Hero 6/Marvel

'Magnets for Trouble' by PitViperOfDoom Months after Callaghan's downfall, Hiro receives a surprise in the mail: a special invitation to this year's Stark Expo. With Fred for company, he leaves the protection of the city temporarily in the hands of the rest of the team and flies across the country to meet the man with twice the brains and bank account of Alistair Krei and several times the infamy.

But of course, it can't be that simple, can it? Really, after how his last expo went, he should have seen this coming.

Bleach/Free! Iwatobi Swim Club

'Teamwork for Hire' by junko After the defeat of Aizen, Ichigo has lost his superpowers but not his skills so he's been hiring himself out to any sports team looking for a strong player. When Nagisa Hazuki approaches Ichigo to join the Iwatobi High School Swimming Club, something piques Ichigo's interest…

Bleach/Harry Potter

'Crazy=Genius' series by blackkat Minerva McGonagall isn't about to let Harry go back to the Dursleys after his first year. She finds an alternative, and along the way, Bazzard Black finds that he might have more family left than he'd ever thought.

'Lost Boys' by glacis After the Triwizard fiasco, Harry leaves Britain behind for a new life. Uryuu befriends Ichigo at a much younger age. Sirius escapes. Points converge and lost boys find a family. Isshin fails. So does Ryuuken. Kisuke finds a friend. Ukitake covers and cleans up. Fate changes.

'There May Be Some Collateral Damage' by metisket Ichigo's been ordered to go undercover at a magic school to bodyguard a kid named Harry Potter, and this would be fine, except that he's about as good at bodyguarding as he is at magic. And he considers it a good day, magic‐wise, if he hasn't set anything on fire.

Bleach/Hunger Games

'Storm the World with Reckless Abandon' by SSAerial So due to one of Urahara's failed experiments that Ichigo unluckily got a full blast of (because life hates him and trouble is attracted to him like a clingy fangirl he could do without), Ichigo ends up in a dystopian universe where people take perverse pleasure in watching kids fight to the death. Which just, no. So Panem now has to deal with a pissed of Ichigo who's determined to stop the Hunger Games and pummel Snow to the ground. And Panem doesn't have a snowball chance in hell in stopping him.

Bleach/Lord of the Rings

'Behold the Flowing Years' by Straight‐Outta‐Hobbiton Ichigo escapes his dimension to start anew, away from the memories of death and friendships past that he can't seem to put to rest. Rohan is a beautiful country, and Théoden is a good king, but evil only grows stronger within the borders of Mordor, and Ichigo finds himself once more forced to protect those whom he has grown to love.

Bleach/Marvel

'Foreign Recruit' by SSAerial Ichigo doesn't know where to start. He has no friends, no family, no personal attachments to the world he got dumped into. The Soul King never specified what he was supposed to do in a world where technology is ahead of its time and aliens and secret governments exist. As for the people he has to deal with… Well, it isn't like he hasn't dealt with colorful personalities before.

Bleach/Naruto

'All My Ghosts are at Rest' series by Zakad An older Ichigo and Uryu leave Soul Society and all its problems behind to search for the near-mythical homeland of a particular Shiba ancestor. They find the Elemental Countries and one little boy who is desperate need of a family.

'Bite' by blackkat Orochimaru and his sons crash‐land in Karakura. Soul Society is most definitely not prepared for what's coming.

'A New Home' by Rain1701 In an effort to save her life and freedom, Hitsugaya Toshiro winds up landing head‐first in the Naruto universe two months before the start of canon. Not much stays the same after that.

'Soul of Fire' by Zeionia aka Disturbed After being betrayed by Soul Society, Ichigo and his sisters leave Karakura behind to find shelter with the remains of their grandfather's clan in the Land of Fire. Instead of the peaceful life they were hoping for, they reach Konoha just as a new danger appears to threaten the Uzumaki. Heart‐broken and tired of fighting, will Ichigo be able to protect his sisters and his new home?

Bleach/Stargate

'Stardust' by Vathara What if some Alterans found another way to survive the Wraith? Five thousand years before the Stargate opens, contact with creatures of energy changes the way of life for an Alteran colony…

Card Captor Sakura/Harry Potter

'Cardcaptor Harry' by LunaStorm In which both Albus Dumbledore and Clow Reed would have done well to remember that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in any philosophy… or predicted by the most imprecise branch of magic…

Doctor Who/Marvel

'Alien Taskforce' by TheSovereigntyofReality Just because S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers didn't listen to Tony after the Battle of New York, it doesn't mean no one did.

Downton Abbey/Marvel

'Tony Stark Meets an Extremely Unimpressed Time Traveler, or, Thomas Barrow Makes a Surprisingly Good 21st Century Butler' by Alex51324 In which Tony Stark ditches a boring party, makes an addition to the household staff, throws a much better party, and tries not to sexually harass his new butler.

Or, In which Thomas Barrow has a little trouble getting home from the pub, is generally unimpressed with many aspects of the 21st century, never thought of himself as a conservative dresser before, and may or may not be falling in lust with his new employer.

Gilmore Girls/Stargate

'Physics of the Spin' by Mhalachai Rory Gilmore always thought she was Christopher Hayden's daughter, but things are a little more complicated than that…

Good Omens/Supernatural

'Misfire' by VivatRex Crowley finds himself in another universe; Aziraphale goes to fetch him. In the meantime, Team Free Will has to figure out what to do with the 6,000 year old demon that won't stay in a devil's trap and keeps rooting through Dean's vinyl collection. Shenanigans ensue.

Gundam Wing/Naruto

'Worlds Apart' by Mieren Something went horribly wrong and Duo and Naruto are in the wrong worlds. Ninja vs technology. How could this possibly go wrong?

Harry Potter/Marvel

'Behind the Shield' by GeeEs It was a good thing the new scientist, Dr. Harry Evans, was working out so well. Because nothing else was going Fury's way. And that was before Loki made off with the Tesseract and some of his people. Maybe AU to Mortem Cantor by Kyandua.

'How Harry Failed to Conquer New York' by Impossible_Insanity

'I See The Moon' by hctiB‐notsoB While on the run, Bruce meets a young man who speaks to the moon. He's probably not quite the sanest friend Bruce could have made, but, well… beggars can't be choosers.

'Mischief's Heir' series by mad_fairy Mostly Harry Potter with the addition of Loki in the first parts

'Mortem Cantor' by Kyandua After losing everything he holds dear, Harry Potter is thrust into a new world; one with Superheroes and evil Villains that make Voldemort look like a kitten. Struggling to survive in this new world - and, meanwhile, gaining the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D. - he attempts to live a NORMAL life. But, he is Harry Potter after all... what could possibly go wrong?

'On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads' by Enigmaris Harry finds out that his dad is alive, has been the whole time. Instead of being overjoyed, Harry's disgusted. His dad left earth and abandoned his friends. Every painful thing he's ever gone through can be traced back to one man. Now Harry's got super strength he can't control and an almost unnecessary amount of magical power. His dad might be living it up with the Avengers now but not for long. With the help of his friends, Harry comes up with a plan for revenge. Get ready Avengers, Harry's out to punch a god.

'Safeguard' by esama The Chitauri invasion launches a whole new age – for everyone.

Inuyasha/Yu Yu Hakusho

'Devoted' by Ookami‐chan Loving someone means seeing to it that they receive nothing but the very best of care. In all things.

'Healing Soul' by Trelweny Rosephoenixwolf Canon, IY slightly alternate ending, BG blend but more manga than anime; YYH boys' last year of school but otherwise through series, anime only.

'By Any Other Name' by Deviant Nature Kagome's return after an unexplained, prolonged absence leaves her family with questions she refuses to answer except to assure that it's over. While she attempts to readapt to the present, Kurama is feeling the pressures of human society's expectations. But the solutions to his troubles aren't as straight‐forward as he had hoped. Note: Unrated version is on MediaMiner.net as 'Par Tout Autre Nom'

Harry Potter/Ranma 1/2

'Harry Hibiki and the Philosopher's Stone' by USA_Tiger On the night Voldemort attacks the Potter's home, a completely different person finds Harry before Sirius Black or Hagrid. Harry is found and adopted by Nerima's very own eternal lost boy Ryoga Hibiki! Soon Harry will be joining his classmates at Hogwarts but how will Hogwarts handle this kind of Harry? And how does it affect the prophecy, what is the 'power he knows not?

Harry Potter/Sherlock

'The Avalon Seven' by sifshadowheart Major Non‐Canon A/U, Harry is treated for abuse and massive injuries by John Watson as a John Doe. To help solve the mystery of the battered boy John calls in his partner Sherlock — whose father has much more information about his patient than John ever thought possible. Turning to an old acquaintance, Siger Holmes contacts the Lord of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Wallace…Harry's rightful guardian.

First several chapters will be covering Pre‐Hogwarts years, story starts with Harry at age four so it'll be a while before any sort of slash or real conflict happens. Very political fic with lots of twists and turns. Because the plot‐bunnies won't leave me alone!

'Magnificent' by esama The birth of the Ministry of Magic and his relationship with the British Government.

'Whispers in Corners' by esama Everything started with a stumble — his new life in a new world as well as his surprisingly successful career as a medium.

Harry Potter/Sherlock/Star Trek

'Harder Choices' by sifshadowheart Post‐Avalon Seven A/U…a.k.a. This is what happens when plot‐bunnies start mating and multiplying.

Hadrian saves Earth…at a cost

Hetalia/Naruto

'An Englishman in Konoha' by pupeez4eva Itachi Uchiha is a strange child, who regularly converses with things no one else can see, drinks far too much tea, and has a strong and unyielding obsession with being the best big brother ever (or, in a world where England is reborn into the Naruto universe, Itachi ends up a little…different).

The Hobbit/Sherlock

'All Things Old and New' by teacup_of_doom All around the world, people are remembering past lives. Bilbo Baggins discovers that Tookish streaks can span lifetimes — and can have unintended, hilarious, consequences.

Katekyou Hitman Reborn!/Naruto

'Force of Nature' by Ramabear (RyMagnatar) He had died— honorably, he'd like to think, despite living as a villain and an assassin for over half a century— and that, as far as Xanxus had ever figured, would be the end of that. No heaven. No hell. Just life when you were breathing and nothingness when you stopped.

Except that it didn't, quite, turn out that way. Except he came back as the son of the kindest, sometimes saddest father in the world. In both worlds. A father that he knew, without a doubt, to be his flesh and blood. All at once, Xanxus had everything he'd wanted as a child. A home. A family. Stability. And he was going to fight like hell and beat down anyone who tried to take it from him, no matter what his age.

(In which Sakumo raises a son who speaks multiple languages from birth, all of them gibberish to the poor single father jounin, spits vulgarity with the same ease as he does his praise and burns with an unshakable determination to build himself a family that will not fall, no matter who or what is thrown against it.)

'Uchiha Kyōya' by Tsume_Yuki In a world where Fugaku has three sons, he wishes he'd stopped at the one. There's nothing wrong with the youngest, it's just…

The middle child.

Marvel/Sherlock

'In Which Neither Coulson nor Sherlock are Dead' by TheDullYellowEye … and John sort of joins the Avengers. While Coulson's recovering from being stabbed in the chest by a magical spear, Fury is rapidly running out of Agents willing to play babysitter for the newly founded Avengers. So he calls in Captain John Watson, late of the British Royal Army, and blogger and best friend to the infamously antisocial presumably deceased Sherlock Holmes.

Naruto/One Piece

'Lost Uzumaki' by Silver Dragonfly (lillikira) Shanks was used to strange meetings on the various islands of the Grand Line. However, this one was unusual even for the Grand Line. A Lost Uzumaki is found and Naruto has no plans of not becoming part of his family. (A Series of Snapshots about the finding of lost family.)

Naruto/Pern

'One World's Tragedy is Another World's ...Gain?' by Foodmoon Pern goes to hell in a handbasket. Ir'ca tries to rescue the future of dragonkind by being a thief and somehow ends up in the Land of Fire. It's probably a good thing Kakashi handed over the Hat a while back...

Naruto/Sherlock

'Deduction in Shadows' by GremlinSR Shikaku just wanted to finish his paperwork before lunch so he could squeeze in an afternoon nap. His plans are derailed by a six year old orphan when she sneaks into his office with proof that somebody has been kidnapping the children of Konoha and covering it up.

He never does end up getting that nap.

Or: A Holmes is reborn into the ninja village Konoha. Chaos ensues

Rise of the Guardians/Marvel

'Constellations of Old' by kuroi_atropos When the Man in the Moon recognizes Thor as a representative of Asgard, he decides to send the Guardians of Childhood to ask for help vanquishing the last of shadows, as well as a few other things he could use some help with.

'Winter Gods' by avearia The Guardians discover that, outside of Earth, many races actually worship Jack as a God. Meanwhile, the Avengers deal with the implications that come with an almighty spirit, otherworldly religions, and the revelation that Santa is real.

[deepdisireslonging]

Just Save One

A nightmare wakes up the Reader. Dean helps them talk through what’s on their mind. 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (no gender specified)

Warnings/Promises: nightmare, morning fluff, characters actually talking about things!, tw depression-like vibes, more fluff, food mention

Word Count: 930

Note: While I frequently do and don’t recommend writing while sleep deprived, sometimes that’s the best way to kick the junk out of your head. The only thing that belongs in your mind is you. Not the worries, not the fear. You. Your light, your hope, your plans for the future, no matter how short or long term they may be. Had to get this out. My world is about to change and I’m a little stressed. Hopefully this might help you too. Enjoy.

With that, you walked into the rain and never looked back. 

That was the last time anyone saw you.

***

At least, anyone from your family. 

Dean tightened his arm around your waist as you startled awake. “ ‘S okay,’ he mumbled. “Safe. Home. Bunker.”

While your heart raced in your chest, you worked on slowing your breathing. It didn’t matter how long you hunted with the Winchesters, or how many horrors you saw. The first monster you met was the most memorable. Life changing. Funny thing about memories. They forget the things you want and need to remember, and remember the things you’d rather forget. 

Comfort eased back into your spine as Dean rubbed his thumb up and down on your stomach. “Sleep?”

“Probably not.”

He rolled on his back, cracking one eye to look at the clock on his nightstand. “Is there ever going to be a morning where you don’t wake up ten minutes before Sam busts in here with a case?”

A smile cracked across your face. “Would you rather he burst in here while you’re still asleep?” You turned to face him. “Didn’t you fall off the bed the last time he did that?” You bit your lip to keep from grinning at his glare. The turmoil still twisting in your stomach made you gasp. You leaned into Dean’s hand as he smoothed it across your cheek. 

“Which one?”

“The first one. It’s always the first one.” Biting your lip again, you curled deeper into his chest. Sleep deprived and feeling your pain, his chest didn’t inflate as much as it usually did. But the slow rise and fall of it, combined with the tiny puffs of Dean’s breath against your hair, slowly pushed the nightmare out of your mind. 

“You know you did everything you could.” His eyes were bright. Awake and clear when you looked at him. “None of it is your fault.”

“I know. It’s just- it’s- Do you ever lose that sense that this is all worth it? The loss, the sacrifice. I feel like every case we take, every monster we take out, it’s just me trying to make up for the times when I failed. Which has been plenty.”

Silence stretched between you. 

Dean exhaled deeply. “Yes.”

You dipped your head, hopping to hide the icy tear under your eyelid. He slid in close enough to almost touch your noses together. 

“Yeah, I lose hope every once in a while. But that’s why we gotta keep going. This life… we didn’t choose it. And it’s hard. Sometimes it feels like there are more losses than wins. But then… we save someone. They get to live their life. Maybe a little bit wiser of what’s out there in the dark, but life goes on. And each life we save is more than one. Because then they save people. Maybe not from monsters, but from whatever else Chuck throws at them. Bad days and nine to five jobs, and flat tires. We keep alive people who can smile and make each other laugh, and keep a spare in their trunk.” He took your hand, giving it a squeeze. 

Your throat hurt. “What if that’s- if that’s not enough? What if I don’t feel enough?” Part of you was scared that you’d break Dean’s fingers, squeezing back so hard. But he never made a peep of pain. 

“You know that’s okay, right?” Nosing you to look at him, he added, “it’s okay to be scared. I’m telling you: you are enough. It’s been a tough several months. But we’re gonna make it. I promise.”

He rested his forehead on yours, letting you cry in soft gasps and hiccups. His strong grip and even breathing eventually brought you back down from the terrified high you’d woken up with. When you’d recovered, he kissed the tip of your nose. Then he glanced at the door with a glare. 

“Sam should have interrupted our moment by now.”

Like magic, a slip of paper slid under the door. 

Chuckling, Dean wiped a stray from your tear and retrieved it. “Sick. Find your own case,” he read. He slipped back under the covers with you. “I dunno. I feel like I need a few days to recharge. Unless you want to find a case.” His green eyes glowed with whatever energy you needed. “Wouldn’t take much.”

Silently you shook your head. 

He nodded. “Probably right. Hey, how about this: save Sam. He’ll drink himself into a spinach smoothie coma if we leave.”

That made you giggle. “Sounds good. Someone’s gotta keep him stocked on organic fruits. Can’t have him contaminating the farmer’s market.”

Dean scrunched up his nose. “Fine. You’re on fruit duty. I’ll do laundry… and keep us stocked with bacon.”

“Hmm, bacon and laundry.” You kissed him deeply. “You are a catch.”

He kissed back. Then murmured against your lips, “think Sam will heal faster if we have wild, loud sex?”

You slapped his shoulder and laughed. “Get dressed, laundry boy. We’ve got a sick patient to save.”

***

[[We’ve all got a little “want to save the world” in us. If you can save just one person in your lifetime, it’s okay if the one person is you. Take care of yourselves. If Supernatural has taught us anything, it’s that the Apocalypse doesn’t last forever. No matter how many of them hit. Find a small moment to thrive in the chaos. Start a new Pinterest board. Dethrone the government. Read that book that’s been sitting on your shelf for an eternity. Do whatever will save you. 

We can do this.]]

***

Masterlist 

Forever Tags: @blondekel77​ @brianaraydean​ @chwehansol98​ @fireflyfunhousetrash​ @laochbaineann​ @ramblingsofabourbondrinker​ @savmontreal​ @shieldgirl18 @tinyelfperson​ @writtingrose​ @xladyxfatex​ @gold--gucciempress​  

Supernatural Tags: @emoryhemsworth​ @quixoticcat​ @smandrews3​ @supernatural-jackles​ @tamtamlov​ @vvinch3st3r​

Dean Winchester Tags: @19mmallory​ @akshi8278​ @ashmonet​ @bits-n-bowz​ @bringmesomepie56​ @castielsbecky​ @cookie-dough-lova​ @dancingalone21​ @gabbyrogers094​ @idontknow-canyou​ @its--killing--me @juanitadiann​ @kaemarie23​ @kittenofdoomage​ @lauriz67​ @millie67​ @mrspeacem1nusone​ @mylostsoul28​ @peaceloveandplumbots​ @releitable​ @sassy-losechester​ @sissysalvatore​ @theriumking​ @uzum4k1-uch1h4​ @vutdidyousay​ @windeango67​