#going to online or in person stores and seeing stuff like a cloud dress but it's $65 is like.......... I could never. I could never fathom

[icewindandboringhorror]

Trying to find something to go with these tights? I don’t have a lot of bright clothes that match them, so went more in a mixing it with lighter colors sort of direction, maybe sort of sky themed (rainbow with the blue and white clouds)?

[sseditorialmagazine]

sseditorial magazine Retro News Lead 07 December 2021

Read the article now: Thrift Stores: Where Have they Gone?

Thrift stores – does this term ring a bell? I know it does for some of you because I, too, am a shopaholic! The pandemic has dampened our enthusiasm and reduced our constant shopping trips, but every cloud has a silver lining. Thrift stores have become quite the rage, especially after the onset of the covid.

Online shopping has been a modern trend for a long time. Still, in recent times, it’s not a surprise that thrift and consignment stores have bewitched the customer community more. Thrift stores were once the preference of customers as they promised security, accessibility and a safe, hygienic delivery. The real question is, do we thrift enough when viewing the industry in a new fashion age.

Thrift Stores & Their Historical Place

It is a constant game that we, the public, play when it comes to supporting our local businesses vs the large high street chain. As vital as it is to show support, we must be aware of both sides. Thrift stores are about rehousing an eclectic collection of clothes, accessories and footwear. For this reason, many of us who like fashion expression did very well at thrift stores.

There were unique pieces in a few sizes, which made finding them all the more exciting! Closets were full of clothes, making it difficult to determine what one’s personal sense of style was. Vintage pieces that have been discontinued were sold at a fraction of the cost, so thrift stores were the real bargain hunt.

When you have the time to search, you can find the most amazing stuff to go with your style. The range was from good quality to luxury, but only if you had the time to look. Thrift stores were huge during the early stages of over-consumption. Therefore, when trying to figure out your style, it is okay to leave thrift stores with duffel bags full of treasure!

That is how the it-girls of today curated their own personal style. They had to shop for different items and compare them to magazines. Different from today, in which how-to-style advice is readily available.

Along with being largely eco-friendly, some stores collaborated with charities and donated most of their earnings to these organisations or NGOs.

Selling In The Market

The gentrification of some products leads to unreasonable rises in overall costs and makes essential products expensive. That is contrary to the reason thrift stores were alive and well in their heyday. Some of us don’t have access to the Internet, and we use physical locations to expand our personal collections.

The pandemic has left a massive hole in the consumer industry as a whole, as many businesses couldn’t recover from months of not being able to sell. Globalisation and the world wide web have made it easier for thrift stores to close up shop and sell online.

Thrift stores tend to buy products in bulk to sell to consumers. The move to online distribution mainly affects low-income households relying on stores for basic needs. This perpetuates the cycle of many of us being unable to purchase good quality clothes, leaving us to over-consume.

There is no long-term guarantee of any second-hand products sold or a fair return policy in most stores, whether neckpieces, silver lockets, dresses or any piece of clothing.

Thrifting & The Pandemic

This has its own economic consequences and, in turn, affects the culture of fashion as a concept too. With this, the issue of supporting fast fashion is highlighted. In some sense, we have thrifted fashion away, but it solely depends on our awareness of the problems. The decision to make wise choices after learning about the global impact of thrift stores is up to us. 

As the world slowly digresses back to normal, thrift stores continue to capture the hearts of many. Shopping stores are becoming lively again, with many preferring the instant gratification of seeing and feeling the clothes. Can we maintain the fashion balance between second-hand and straight-from-the-showroom fashion?

Author: Yashika for sseditorial magazine.

[jihyuncompass]

A Birthday Visit

Well well well would you look at that. My very first Tears of Themis fic is for Marius’s birthday who could have guessed (anyone who knows me) Happy Birthday Marius, I can’t wait to see you again <3

For future reference, this fic was written for Marius’s 2021 birthday. As of yet Tears of Themis has not been released for the English audiences. I have played the beta but there is a chance Marius will be a little out of character as a result of the timing. 

Summary: You visit Marius’s work to celebrate his birthday with him, even if he’s a little busy 

Marius x MC

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: N/A

----------------------------------------

The PAX building was an intimidating one. That thought always came into your mind when you approached it. While the Law Firm was also one of the large skyscrapers that made up the Stellis skyline, the PAX building was taller, and quite the intimidating addition to said skyline. 

It wasn’t the first time you’d been here, far from it, but it was rare for you to go into PAX for a non professional reason, or without being explicitly invited by Marius. You looked up at the building, even without meaning to your eyes focused on the window you knew belonged to Marius’s office. There was a good chance he was in there right now. 

Adjusting your bag over your shoulder you walked through the doors and into the bustling first floor.  

You walked through the groups of professionally dressed employees standing to chat idly, or summarize the recent meetings they had. Or stop to enjoy their coffee for a little while before getting back to work. 

“Welcome to the PAX group.” One of the receptionists started as you walked to the desk. “How can I help you today?” You cleared your throat, speaking as eloquently as you can. 

“Hello, I’m here to see Mr. Von Hagen? I’m a friend.” You said to the receptionist. She raised an eyebrow and looked up at you. Scrutinizing your appearance.  

“I’m sorry, Mr. Von Hagen doesn’t see anyone without a meeting.” You pressed your lips together, 

“I can promise you he’s a good friend of mine, it’s his birthday and-” 

“I’m sorry I have no way to verify that you are who you say you are.” The receptionist said. You reviewed your options in your head, clearly she wasn't going to let you go up there on the promise of being a friend. 

After a moment of brainstorming an idea came to you, digging through your bag you showed the receptionist your work ID badge, listing you as a lawyer for the Themis Law Firm. 

“I’m also Mr. Von Hagen’s personal lawyer, he knows who I am.” The receptionist squinted at the ID, hesitant of it’s quality and authenticity. After typing at her computer briefly she sighed and relented. 

“Aright, I do see your name here. I’ll let you up there and I’ll give a call to Mr. Von Hagen’s assistant to let them know you’re here.” You thanked her and hurried to the elevator. The first challenge was dealt with, now it was just time to go through with the rest of the plan.  

You piled into the elevator with a group of suited men heading to what you assumed were their own desks and offices throughout the building, but you’d be one of the only people going as far up, to nearly the top floor where Marius’s office would be found. 

The elevator was nearly empty by the time you made it up, only a few people exiting with you. 

One of Marius’s assistants was waiting for you on the other side of the elevator. They greeted you as you approached them. 

“Good afternoon.” They said. “I’m afraid to say that Mr. Von Hagen has been stuck in meetings all day so I’m not sure if he’ll be able to see you.” 

You pressed your lips together, you should have asked him in advance, he was usually busier than he always let on. 

“Well I just have a couple things I want to show him, I’m happy to wait for when he has a spare moment.” The assistant seemed unsure but shrugged. 

“Very well, I’ll take you to his office, you can wait there. I’ll let him know that you’re there.” You followed the assistant down the long hallway to the office at the end, the largest by far, belonging to Marius. 

The assistant closed the door behind you, the office was neat and tidy as it always was. Although it was Marius’s office, you were always a little disappointed by just how little of Marius seemed to be in the office. The sleek professional furniture, the carefully organized files, cup full of standard ballpoint pens didn’t seem like Marius. The rebellious, creative and playful Marius you knew well and had grown to adore. 

Sitting on the couch in his office you decided to make use of your time by setting the present you’d gotten him out on the table, along with the small cake box. With your job and caseload you hadn’t had the time to make a particularly fancy or intricate cake. But something small the two of you could easily share.  

You hummed to yourself gently as you got everything set up. Your eyes focused on the work in front of you. So much so you didn’t even notice as the office doors opened while your back was turned. 

“So.” A voice said from behind you. The sudden noise startled you, making you jump. Quickly turning around you were face to face with Marius. Dressed with a full suit, although he had that playful gaze he kept around you. Seeing him, your shoulders relaxed, and a smile crossed your face. “I heard you wanted to see me.” 

“I hoped I could catch you for a minute for your birthday.” You explained to him. “I should have asked about your schedule, I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were so busy.” Marius shook his head. 

“Nah I’m glad you’re here. It’s a perfect surprise.” Marius looked past you and to the table behind you where everything was set up. His eyes lighting up with that almost childlike excitement he got. However that excitement was quickly clouded. 

You frowned. “You don’t have a lot of time huh?”

Marius hesitated to answer you. “I don’t have a lot of time, I have a meeting in a half hour.” 

As you looked from Marius to the table you straighten your back and beamed at him. “Well then let’s make this a fun half hour! Enjoy the time we have.” With this the playfulness returned. The Marius you loved to see. 

Sitting beside one another, you made quick work of slicing the cake into two even slices for the two of you. 

“I’m afraid it’s nothing fancy.” You said. “But I have no doubt it tastes good and that’s what matters, doesn't it?” 

“Did you make it?” Marius asked, a brow raised curiously. 

“I did, I’m not a baker though so be warned.” Marius picked up the fork, picking up the perfect bite of cake to get both the cake and the frosting on top. Watching him closely you made note of his reaction. “What do you think?”

Marius nodded. “It’s good, I think I would even say I’m impressed.” You relaxed against the couch. 

“I’m glad you like it.” You said. “I was worried it wasn’t going to be very good.” You took a bite to taste it yourself, the sweetness of the cake hitting your tongue immediately. You’d had better cakes, but still you couldn’t deny the little part of you that was proud of what you’d made. 

Not wanting to waste your time you quickly leaned forward to push some presents closer. This seemed to grab Marius’s attention away from the cake in his hand. He set it down to pick up one of the gifts, looking over the basic wrapping paper. 

“Go ahead.” You encouraged. “Open it up! Take a look.”  Marius stared with the smallest one, quickly tearing off the paper without much thought. He pulled out two tickets, reading the tiny text on them. “They’re for an upcoming art exhibition I read about online, I thought it’d be fun to go together. I don’t know nearly as much about art as you do but maybe you could teach me some stuff.” 

Marius smirked. “I guess I could spare some of my expansive art knowledge to impart some on you.” 

Holding back from rolling your eyes instead you gave him your best genuine smile. “I would love that. I’d love to learn from you.” Marius seemed pleased by this, as evidenced by the redness that quickly started growing on his face. Looking back at the gift he tried to get himself back under control. 

Similar to the first gift Marius tore the wrapping paper off the second one. This one, a hand held sketchbook, bound nicely with a leather cover, his initials MVH put onto the front. A small note you’d written scribbled onto the first page. 

“This is-”

“Well, you’re always working so hard here, or studying hard at university, and I know you would probably much prefer to be in your studio painting. So, that’s a little sketchbook, one you can carry anywhere.” Flipping through the pages, Marius’s expression turned soft, warm, happy, not holding that playful spark. “I know you probably could afford any notebook in the world, but this one is customized just for you, not another one of these exists just like it.” 

The softness in his face stayed even when he looked up at you, even when he looked down again. 

“Thank you, for this.” He held it carefully in his hands, as if he was afraid of damaging it too soon. Before he could even put pencil to paper for the first time. There were still a couple gifts left, but you let him linger on that one. Trying to memorize every single second in your mind. 

The rest of the gifts were more basic things, special sweets, some art supplies you’d seen when you passed by the art store on your way home. Despite how basic many of these smaller gifts were, he never seemed ungrateful, and equally happy to see each one. 

All the presents unwrapped, and cake nearly finished you both sat together happily. Looking at Marius with the initial excitement wearing off you started to see the exhaustion peeking through. The heaviness in his eyes, the way his shoulders were stiff yet slumped. He looked tired, worn out already. 

“Your assistant said you’ve been in meetings all day?” 

Marius rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, PAX has a big thing coming up. I’ve been in meetings since eight. This is the first break I’ve had all day.” As he spoke he loosened his tie, letting it release some of the tension in his shoulders and neck. 

“You look exhausted.” You said. He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Have you been resting?” 

Marius’s eyes opened again. “I was at my studio late last night. But I’m fine.” 

You looked more concerned, you doubted he was really resting enough. With everything he did, there was no possible way he was letting himself take breaks. Even on his birthday he seemed to be working full steam ahead. 

“Marius, why don’t you lay down for a bit? Let yourself rest?” Marius looked over at you, as if he was trying to think through it, crunching the numbers in his head. Gently touching his shoulder you turned him to face you, his eyes raised to look at your face. You loosened up his tie some more and unbuttoned the top button on his dress shirt to let him relax. 

 “Come on.” You said in a soft voice. “Rest for a little bit.” 

He considered this for a little while longer. Then let long a long sigh, he let himself lean forward enough to rest his forehead against your shoulder. Reaching up you rubbed his back, gently massaging to let him relax against you. 

“I can’t rest for long.” Marius muttered. “There’s that meeting-”

“Something is better than nothing.” You reminded him. “How about you lie down? You can rest with me until your meeting.” He was still for a little while longer, then lifted his head long enough to move. 

Marius’s head was laying in your lap. You gently played with his hair, running your fingers through the strands. Marius’s eyes slipped closed, his breaths long and even. 

“My meeting-” 

“I’ll get you up when it’s time. Rest right now.” You told him. He sighed and let himself fully rest. 

“Thank you.” He muttered. 

“Happy birthday Marius.” You whispered to him. Watching him rest, you couldn’t help but smile. This moment was going to be over sooner than later, soon he’d have to get up and get himself cleaned up, he’d go to that meeting, and then the next one and the next one until he could call it a day. He’ll probably go to his studio again, even if he’s exhausted. He’ll try and get some rest, but eventually he’ll get up and start it all again. 

But right now he’s with you and resting. Enjoying the short break he could afford. Maybe not the best birthday one could have, but one that was more than happy. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #479

“war sends our sons to slaughter  /  another failed attack; there is no turning back”

Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes, a video game when I was little. I was so mad, lol. Do you vent a lot on social media? No. I don't want people to get annoyed with me. What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I haven't been responsible for any bills yet. What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? I can't/don't do either really, but if I could, I'd probably donate to uhhhh... suicide prevention organizations. As for volunteering, definitely something with animals. Have you ever dated someone who wasn’t at all your usual type? No. What is something you have no patience for? Waiting at the doctor's office. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes. What’s that you’re listening to? I'm watching Gab play The Evil Within 2. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We're a couple. What is your biggest accomplishment in life? Still being alive. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Political stuff. Economics. Have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? I had an Algebra tutor the last time I was in college, and I had to strangle an anxiety attack down because I wasn't understanding the material AT ALL and felt so dumb and annoying. I never did it again. What was the last thing you said out loud (singing doesn’t count)? "It's really embarrassing," to Mom. It really is fucking humiliating that my ankles are swollen from walking/standing more and pushing my desk chair back against the resistance of the carpet. That's pathetic. I'm trying to focus on the fact it's good my body is even reacting to moving more, though. Is everything you have on actually yours? Yep. Do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? I don't drive, but if I did, that would NOT be my method of de-stressing. What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Writing an RP post. What’s your favorite department in Wal-Mart? Uh, I guess where you can go see the plants and flowers. Do you find kite flying boring? I LOVED it as a kid. I'd still probably find it kinda fun. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yes, but it's not a massive interest. I've heard the humidity can kill a bitch, and I am NOT into that. Have you ever run a cash register? Yes. I sucked. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Have you ever done the Bratz challenge on YouTube? No, but I saw James Charles do it and it was v unnerving, holy shit. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Carve. What was your worst experience in high school? My depression as a whole. How much did your senior prom dress cost you? I don't remember. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Three, if you include my current one. Which part of your body is the most muscular? Uh, nothing? What is the first site you check when you get online, generally? KM. Are you good at creative writing assignments? That's my forte. In elementary school, I actually won a I think county-wide creative writing short story assignment. Not to brag, but I've always been very proud of that, ha ha. Or would you rather just do an informative essay? That's easy for me too, but I prefer writing creatively. Are you more attracted to the badasses, or the goody-goody types? Definitely the goody-goodies. The "bad guys" have never appealed to me romantically. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did if I really wanted to ask something or was confident in an answer. What is something BIG you want to do with your life? Make a difference, somehow. What do you think of people who own wild animals? Do NOT just casually take in animals from the wild. That's selfish and just generally disgusting. If you're going to keep an animal generally described as wild and undomesticated, you'd better have a license and deserve that license. Know what you're doing and be certain that keeping the animal in captivity is in the animal's best interest for its unique case. Are you good at explaining things, in general? NOOOOOOOOO, I suck at that. Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? Not our mall, no. Its stores suck/are extremely limited, and SO much crime has happened there. Do you like window shopping? Why or why not? YESSSSSSS, mostly on Morph Market, a mostly reptile selling hub online. You can browse TONS of breeders and literally thousands of reptiles, especially ball pythons. They even have a tarantula section I like to look at sometimes. If you lost your job/home/etc., who would likely help you? If I'm losing my home, I'm assuming my mom is gone, so my dad. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? We were a couple and I felt like I was supposed to. At that time I didn't see him romantically, but I desperately wanted to. Funny how we're back together and I've no reservations against kissing him now. Feelings change, for sure. Plans for tonight? Girt and I will probably play some WoW Classic together. We've started playing that together, and it's lots of fun with him. :') Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Actually, no. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know Girt does. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? My mom. Who last made you smile? Girt, 'cuz he's a sweetheart. Where is your mother? She's in bed in her room. She feels like shit. Like, you would think she WASN'T vaccinated, though her long-time doctor has said she'd probably be dead without it while having Covid. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Think about your biggest mistake, would you go back and change it? I absolutely would. Are you dating the person you last kissed? Yeup. What is the most immature item you own and actually use? Um. Idk. Do you always take a shower after you have sex? I... didn't know people did this? Like I know women are advised to pee after sex, but full-on showering? No. Do you like chocolate popsicles? Oh hell yeah. Are your parents proud of you? They claim to be. I don't see how. Are you interested in the ocean? Yeah; it's inarguably so fascinating. Hot dogs or hamburgers? I prefer burgers. Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? No. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. Do you have any dietary restrictions? No. Have you ever turned down a job offer? No. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A dog named Cali that was a boxer mix. Do you ever pray, even if you don't believe in God? What exactly is the point if you don't believe in God...? Anyway, I don't. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever gotten stuck in quicksand before? No. What's the shortest or longest length you've ever had your hair grow? To around the small of my back. The last nest you saw - was it a bird nest or a hornet's nest? I think a bird's? Do you enjoy Jeff Dunham? I don't know if I'd like him as a person, but I do think he's a funny comedian. Who is your favorite character from Frozen? I was never into the movies. I do think Elsa is kinda cool (no pun intended, lol), though. I like that she has her flaws. Did you finish high school? If not, do you plan on doing so? I did. Have you been in a simulator that mimicked a submarine or rollercoaster? A rollercoaster, yes. How often do you go out to eat instead of cooking for yourself? Mom and I try to avoid fast food for our health. We do a pretty good job at it, but sometimes for convenience's sake, we do eat it. What is the largest family of siblings that you know of? This is probably gonna come across as very judgmental, but... it really bothers me. I don't know how many kids she has now, but one of the dance moms from the studio has SO many children; I've completely lost count. Now if you want that many kids and can provide for them, that's cool. But that's not the case. She uses the "if God wants me to have a baby, then it will happen" mentality, and I'm just like... um, no hunny. Poor choices are leading to kids you're not adequately providing for. She uses no methods of protection and literally has twins whose room is a fucking closet. Ugh it just really bothers me. What foreign languages were offered to you at school? A whole lot. Only Spanish and I believe French were offered as in-school courses, but there were lots of online classes. If you were required to take a course right now, what would you choose? Photography. Team Biden or Team Trump? Over my dead body would I have voted for Trump. My vote went with Biden. What is an animal native to your country that may not exist in others? Bison are factually exclusive to North America. Note that bison and buffalo are different. What are some of your favorite autumn activities? Taking pictures of fall scenery. <3 What are some of your favorite winter activities? Going out in the snow. :') Especially with a camera. Do you eat a shit-ton the week before your period? uuugggghhHHHHHH yes Wendy's, McDonalds, or Burger King? Wendy's. What's the weirdest question you've ever asked Alexa? I've never asked Alexa anything. Do you prefer your apple cider to be warm or cold? I've actually never had it. Do you prefer your coffee hot or iced? Y'all know the story of me and coffee. Can you sing the alphabet backwards? I can't. Have you ever sent flowers or chocolates to yourself before? Ha ha, no. Is there any meat that you won't eat? Yeah, fish and ANYTHING that comes from a wild animal. Does your cat use anything other than it's scratching post as a scratcher? When we got him a scratcher WITH CATNIP, the lil butthead ignored it. -_- He scratches the carpet instead. Did you go through a vampire craze before? Are you still going through it? Nah. Have you ever forged your parents' signature on a poor test paper, etc? No. Has a bird ever pooped on you before? Omg, no. I'd die. Have you ever been sprayed by a skunk before? No. Are black jellybeans delicious or disgusting? I HATE them. Have you ever rolled down a grassy hill before? I have! I miss that.

[ravenwolfie97]

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“I Figured Something Out” Sept 24, 2020 Speaks

- Says he likes to make videos pointing out his flaws because when he realizes he was doing something wrong, he likes to point it out and move on. You shouldn’t bottle things up. - Says when he started making these video he was angry and over time he winded down. - Begs his follower to look into the Regina / Adam thing. Says Regina pretended to be a transgender person named Adam. He says he was told this by a friend of someone he loves, by someone he loves, by a Hansen insider, and two other people who looked into it. They fabricated a person and a story. He says it’s gross. He says he doesn’t know exactly what was said because he doesn’t watch those videos. - Says he recently watched a beautiful, capable, smart women talk about cancel culture and drama. She’s a republican who doesn’t believe in the far right or left. Says most people go with the flow, but she’s an individual. He says he didn’t care there were things she said that he disagreed with because of the way she spoke. He says when he talks to people online, he has to remember you’re not that different. We all have feelings and people are less reasonable in your opinion if you don’t approach them reasonably. He says he is too harsh and mean in his videos, unlike the women. He understands you’re not supposed to sugarcoat the truth, but other people have feelings. - (People are after him because he hurt their feelings.) - Brings up Regina again. He says he doesn’t know what their problem is because he never talked to them. Says there’s sincere mental illness sprinkled around the internet and it’s proven if you put Regina and Adam side by side. He says he hasn’t watch the videos side by side, but he’s seen photos. He says he doesn’t know how this got past the filters and how people can be so negligent to the truth. He says that’s what happens when you let anyone on a show. People come on to troll or to project their issues. - He says people who watched him may have felt talked down to. He says he spoke like that because he felt like his audience turned on him before he had a chance to explain why it was all ridiculous. He felt it was unintelligent for people to assume it was the truth, but he was in a situation where he was threatened with divorce if he talked. He was stuck between being the bigger person and staying silent while he was building up frustration seeing what people were saying about him. - Says if the Regina and Adam thing is true, it’s the funniest disaster that ever occurred on social media. People were saying there’s all these victims and one of them turns out to be someone dressing up as a new person. It’s bad enough people can fake texts, but when you fake a whole person that’s another level of crazy. He says he almost feels blessed to be subjected to that level of comedy. He says it’s clinically insane for someone to do that with a straight face. He says he never even heard of Adam. - When his marriage was on the rocks because of cuddlegate, he told Billie he wanted to be alone. Billie tried to work it out with him. Says that’s evil step-mom, homewrecker stuff. [I’m pretty sure he’s talking about when he made the fake divorce video and she contacted him.] Says he had the opportunity to run away and abandon his family. He chose to stay because he doesn’t want to be that dad that choses his lustful side over his heart. He broke down crying at one point because he almost let down his family and he almost lost them. He didn’t talk to Billie for a few months after cuddlegate until Kai was like “uwu”. He says he told Kai it was a bad idea and it ended horribly. Says he’s done better than his dad and numerous other dads. - Says he doesn’t speak to people in his life as respectfully as he should. - Anyone in his shoes would be just as bitter and angry as he was. Some people wouldn’t even be alive. He lashed out because he didn’t get a fair chance. People won’t do a charity stream with him. - Once he told his full side in videos, people didn’t want to interview him anymore because he didn’t seem crazy anymore. - Says he was part of the mob against Chris Brown. He said he’s had people scream in his face and he didn’t do anything illegal to them. He called the cops on them. - (Patreon ban, he didn’t dox on purpose) - He says he wants to get rid of boob squeeze because it’s cringey to him. [thank god!]

“My Social Life- Before And After COVID” Sept 25, 2020, Speaks

- (Chris Hansen covid cure) - Says before COVID he stopped going out in public because people were taking picture of his children and posting them to the internet. An employee at Lowes and at Dairy Queen took photos of his children. He’s protective of them. A man [Hansen] showed up to his house when his kids were home. - He was thankful when COVID hit because people would stay away from him. He’s happy he has to wear a mask. He was wearing a different disguise in public before the masks. - (Kai threatened divorce if he spoke) - Says people’s emotions and mental illness cloud their memories. He conquered that when he was 17. A girl dumped him and he told her she was a monster. This was before people would seek clout so it was just between them. He says he supports her breaking up with him because they weren’t meant to be. - Seeing how crazy Seattle and society has gotten, he doesn’t want to be apart of it.  - He was socially lynched without going to court. (Mike went to court) - COVID gave him on excuse to avoid everyone and family members. He says COVID is horrible and people have died, but for him it came at an interesting time. He compares it to when a kid bullied him really hard in elementary school and died in a sledding accident. Says some dude or chick in a truck hit the kid. He says another time a guy was bullying him hard and that guy died in a motorcycle accident. He gave his helmet to his girlfriend. He died a hero. He gave up his life for someone. He was handsome and had his life ahead of him. - Says according to his mother, his father got a women killed by not giving her a helmet. He kept it for himself. His father also allegedly slept with his cousin. His dad tried to sue him and failed. Three of his family member accused his father of being a predator. - A reporter interviewed his father and his father acted like a hero.  - His mom is the one who left his dad. He says she didn’t have to fight for custody so there’s no motivation for her to lie. - (beat up his dad story) - Criminal experts will agree with him to follow the money in cases because money is the root of all evil. Like a news station that will make more money by making a monster instead of telling a true story. It is not profitable to tell both sides. - People like black and white stores, not stories where both people make mistakes. - He love isolation. He was covered in his father’s blood when he went to juvie. His white shirt was brown with dry blood. He was happy to be there because he was away from people and life was simpler. Everybody in there was flawed, which is better than being with his hypocrite god-loving father. Typical Seventh Day Adventist garbage. Greg says he was one as well. When he was 13 he prayed and told god he wanted nothing to do with him. Many amazing things happened to him after that. - Says you have a lot of drifters who came and destroyed someone consistent in you life, then they left. He was that consistent person. He was making hundreds of videos and entertaining thousands of people per video. Now he’s down to 900 to 3,000 views per video. They came, they destroyed, they left. They destroyed someone you connected with, had a real bond with. A lot of you cheered them on as they did this and then they left. Now you’re left with the same person, but he’s more broken. He believed in good people before, but now that he was dragged down into dirt, he has dirt in his eyes. He can’t see the sun or trees. He can just see dark and sadness. He still feels your spit on his face from when you millions of people beat him senseless socially. - He says he saw a legitimate news source says there was an FBI investigation about him. Says the FBI never contacted him. - Leafy recently suggested he should become an actor. He compares it to Kevin Spacey. Says it would be sad to lose a netflix show or a movie deal because of people saying things about you. He says imagine people who were going to be on that show with you stop talking to you because they don’t want to be dragged down with you. He’s glad he wasn’t that big when he fell because it would have hurt more. Now he gets to be a no one who knows who he really is when most people live in an alternate reality. - When he lost BillyTheFridge as a friend, he didn’t lose anything because Billy was a fake friend. Billy wanted to be a white knight. Joe and Anastasia were great friends and wanted to still talk to him. Billy later on realized James wasn’t as evil as he thought and invited him to lunch with them. Says he (James) backed out and decided to stop talking to all of them. He says it’s sad he lost Joe and Anastasia as friends, but he didn’t want to drag them into the drama and make their lives more miserable. Having friends was a burden and he didn’t want them to hurt. - (Regina / Adam) Dobs is barking. - He feels like this whole thing is a grand opportunity to look at things the way they are. He doesn’t trust anyone anymore and he doesn’t believe in friendships anymore. - He swears on his life he’s more honest than Sarah, Billie, and Shiloh.

[onceuponaloonatic]

Minayeon taking Sana baby shopping and letting her buy anything she wants.

Nayeon sighed as she looked at their now empty guest room. They had picked their biggest spare room for the babies nursery, and hired someone to clear all the furniture out. Sana had been staying in the room across the hall so far, and when she thought Mina and Nayeon weren’t looking she would sneak glances of the room's progress. The only progress so far was the painted walls. They were painted a beautiful combination of white and pink, yellow stars being painted on the ceiling with glow in the dark paint. But other than that the room sat empty.

Nayeon had spent a lot of time online looking at baby clothes. She had been doing that since before they even met Sana. She had wanted a baby for a long time, and now she was getting four. She smiled a bit at the thought of the babies. But she never bought anything, and now she still hadn’t bought anything. She wanted to go shopping with someone. With Mina. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it she wanted Sana to come too. She could see how Sana was trying so hard to avoid getting attached to the babies, and how hard it was for her.

Nayeon had actually wanted to let their surrogate know the baby if they wanted. It was Mina who was so against it. Nayeon understood Mina was just worried that their surrogate would take the baby away or the baby wouldn’t accept one of them as their mother. She understood that, so she agreed to it. Of course Sana knew once the babies were born she was gone, and that they weren’t really hers in anything but genetics. And Nayeon and Mina knew Sana knew that. It didn’t make it any easier though. Nayeon entered the room and sat in the middle of the floor, laying on her back and looking at the ceiling.

“Will it be easier when you guys are here?” Nayeon asked no one.

“Nayeon unnie?” Nayeon sat up when she saw Mina standing in the doorway.

“Hey babe, come lay on the floor with me.” Nayeon pat the spot next to her. Mina shut the door behind her as she went into the room.

“So five more months?” Mina asked as the two stared at the ceiling together.

“Five more months…” Nayeon sighed, wrapping her arm around Mina’s waist. “Five more months and we’ll be moms.”

“To not just one baby too.” Mina giggled.

“Yup. And we will have four baby girls to chase boys away from too.” Nayeon giggled.

“Do you think we can do it?” Mina stopped laughing and her expression ebcame serious.

“Do what?”

“Have four babies at once?” Mina asked.

“Honestly, I don’t know, but I think we’ll be able to. So long as we love them, which we already do.” Nayeon leaned down and gave Mina a short kiss.

“I love you.” Mina whispered.

“I love you too.” Nayeon grinned at Mina. “Hey do you want to go baby shopping?”

“Huh?”

“Well we need to do it soon or the babies will be here and this room will still be empty. The doctor said she will probably give birth well before her due date because there are multiple.” Nayeon asked.

“That’s a good point. Yeah let’s go.”

“Wait I think we should bring Sana.” Nayeon stopped Mina. “I mean she’s not doing anything today and she could use something to do. And well, she may think of things we don’t.”

“I think that a great idea baby.”

XX

Sana was a bit apprehensive about going baby shopping with them, but she agreed to go anyway. Mina drove them in her Lamborghini, and Sana had never even seen a car that nice up close before. Sana had expected to go to a normal mall, but she kicked herself when they got there. Of course Mina and Nayeon would take her to the fancy part of town, the two leading her to the really fancy baby store Sana had seen once in a magazine about parenting Nayeon had left in the living room.

“Should we start with furniture?” Nayeon asked as they left the car.

“That sounds good.” Mina nodded. “I already order strollers.”

“You found one for four babies?” Nayeon tangled her hand with Mina’s.

“No, I just got two double ones. One for you to push and one for me to push.” Mina laughed. “They don’t make them for quadruplets.”

“Well I mean they aren’t all that common.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. She noticed Sana was being really quiet, entertaining herself with her phone. When they entered the store she decided to talk to Sana about her silence. “What’s wrong? Is it your hormone?”

“No… I’m just a bit confused why you brought me here.” Sana answered. “I mean shopping for baby stuff is such a personal part of the experience of having a baby, and I’m not actually going to be there when you use any of this stuff.”

“Well, I trust your taste.” Nayeon nodded. “With four of them there’s more than enough to get, so we could use the hands.”

“Oh… Thanks.” Sana smiled a bit. “So is it okay if I pick stuff out?”

“More than okay. We’ll tell you if we like it or not.” Mina eyed Sana. “So should we go?” Sana and Nayeon nodded and they went further into the store. Sana still seemed a bit hesitant about picking out what she liked, but once they got to the accessories she seemed a bit different. She excitedly picks out a couple stuffed animals, she picked out one for each.

“It’ll be the one thing I give them.” Sana explained as she put them in the cart. “You don’t have to say they are from me though.” She had picked out an otter, a lion, a dog, and a dinosaur. Mina and Nayeon knew they were going to give them to their daughters when they were born.

When they get to the clothing section Sana gets even more excited. She picks out lots of dresses and pink, white, and yellow clothing for the babies. Mina and Nayeon both were just happy to see Sana so excited, they didn’t even notice if they liked what she picked. But there was also a cloud that loomed over the entire trip.

They knew this wasn’t going to last.

[appletreeisland]

Life Reset Plan

Okay, things are shit now. But they don’t want to stay like that. You know how to make it better, you just got to do it. So, as always, let’s write it down and get to it, yeah?

Step 1: Life Cleanse

Start by cleaning your room. Open all the windows. Light a candle, start an oil diffuser, just make the air breathable. Strip your bed and wash everything. Sheets, blankets, pillowcases, everything. Throw them all into the wash. Maybe use some extra soap. Some essential oils. Whatever makes you feel good. Then take everything you own and put it on your bare bed. Alright, now you got until the washer and dryer are done to go through all your shit and decide if it stays or goes. (For me, that’s about 1 hour and 15 minutes) Don’t spend to much time on things, you don’t got a lot of time to spare. Most things should be decided instantly. Pick it up. Do you want it? Not an immediate yes. Get rid of it. Donate it. Sell it. Trash it. Just get it out of your life somehow. Now that you know what you want to keep, give them a home. Put them away in a place that makes you feel good and where it could stay forever. Good. Now brush off or vacuum your bed and make the bed. Tuck in your sheets. Fold your throw blankets. Make it look comfy like those beds of Instagram girls and people who have their lives together. Wipe down any and all surfaces. Desktops, windowsill, bedside tables. Make them fresh and clean. Sweep and mop or vacuum your floor. Make it a space that you feel good walking around barefoot on.

Move onto the rest of your space. Repeat everything here in each area of your pace. Bathroom? Throw the towels in the wash, put everything on the floor or counter, go throw it all, clean your surfaces, put everything away, sweep and mop. Kitchen? Empty cabinets and fridge, get rid of old/outdated foods, things you’re not actually ever going to use, consolidate herbs and spices (looking at you, four things of cinnamon), wipe out the inside of cabinets and fridge, put everything away, wipe down counters and stovetop, sweep, mop. Etc, etc.

Lastly, cleanse your technology. No, don’t just wipe down screens. Delete everything that doesn't make you happy. Apps, files, photos, songs, accounts, contacts, etc. Be aggressive with this too. Anything that doesn’t immediately make you feel good, get rid of it. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, that waste your time, that doesn’t inspire you and bring you joy. Yeah, that paper you wrote in school and got an A, delete it. Unless you feel like you’ll use it for another class or research your doing. This is nuanced advice. Adapt it to your current situation. If anything, put it in the cloud. 

Step 2: Personal Cleanse

We’re going to start physical and work our way inwards.

Take your old clothes off. Take a shower or a bath. A good long one. Spend at least twice as long as you normally do (unless you normally take hour-long showers, you know, be reasonable), wash your hair, condition it, wash your body, use a sugar scrub, wash your face, exfoliate, hell even brush your teeth. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel clean and rejuvenated. Don’t do something just because I said to or someone else said to. Do it because you feel good doing it. Don’t shave if it’s not your thing. Don’t put a face mask on if it’s not your thing. Again, nuance. Dry yourself off, put lotion on, put on your favorite outfit, do your hair, do your makeup, make yourself feel good by looking good. But looking good in a way that makes you feel good. Don’t like makeup, don’t wear it. Your favorite outfit could be sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Could be a suit and tie. A dress, a romper, whatever. Even a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Now, find a way to simplify this routine. Make it a daily thing. Shower every day if it makes you feel good. Use a sugar scrub three times a week if you want. Make a personal hygiene routine that makes you feel your best. You can use mine as an example but definitely take everything you want and nothing you don’t.

Okay, now look inward a bit. At your habits. Do you like them? Do they make you feel good? Do they depress you? Make you feel like a failure? Try to think about everything you tend to do, no matter how small. Write them down if you need to. Make a list and go through each one by one with an overly critical eye. Really consider the place of that habit in your life. Take the ones you want to quit doing and make a plan to quit them. (Maybe read ahead a bit in case they are similar to the ones I’m changing in my own life so you don’t spend all this time on it just for me to go over it again more in-depth) Now, think about the habits you want to have. Do you want to be a runner? Do you want to wake up at 6am every day? Read before bed? Draw daily? Write them all down. Then think about why you want to do them. Because they make you happy? Because someone else does them? Because you were told they were good for you? Again, be overly critical. Only accept the ones that are purely for yourself. Don’t wake up at 5am because someone once told you that that’s how you have a productive day. Do it because you love the quiet stillness of waking up before others. Or because you need that time to do other things that purely make you happy.

Lastly, look at your emotional health. How have you been feeling recently? Good? Bad? Depressed? Really ask yourself some personal questions and be honest with yourself. Again write it down. In whatever way is best for you. Maybe that’s a brain dump or a Level 10 Life approach. Whatever works for you. Now, think about why you’ve been feeling that way. Is it other people in your life? Could you remove them from your life or sit down and discuss with them how they have been impacting your life or find ways to healthily deal with them? Look at all your relationships. You never know where draining and/or toxic people may be when you don’t look at them critically. Is it your habits? Well, we’re already working on that so good job! Is it where you live or work? What can you do about those? Move furniture around? Buy new art? Move? Change jobs? Ask for a promotion? Find out what you need and go get it. Ask for help, build a support network, find the people who truly care and want to help you and utilize them. You’re not a burden or bothering them. fAnd if you are either understand that they may also be going through some tough shit and need to take care of themselves first and that’s okay or maybe they weren’t as good of a relationship as you thought. 

Step 3: Social Cleanse

I know we just talked about this, but I want to go into it a bit more.

Look at all your relationships, Family, friends, love interests, coworkers, etc. How do you feel about these relationships? Can you discard them if necessary? Or reinvent them? Analyze all of them and make a conscious decision to keep them in your life.

Want more relationships? Find out how you personally make new ones. Do you go out places and strike up a conversation? Go to a cafe or store and find someone to talk to. Even a brief compliment or something you notice. See where it goes. If it doesn’t have the effect you wanted, try again. Not everyone is going to be your friend and that’s okay. We’re here for true friends, not superficial ones. Do you meet someone online? Download some apps. Be active on forums. Talk to people. State your intentions upfront if it may otherwise be ambiguous. Or do you prefer meeting people through others? Talk to your friends. Ask them about friends they have told you about. See if you all could do something together. Express interest in the people in their life and they’ll maybe introduce you to them. But they definitely won’t if they don’t know you’re interested.

How about yourself? Do you like yourself? How you treat yourself and others? Are there mannerisms you don’t like that you have? That you wish you did have? List them out. Really think about how you react to certain stimuli. If someone compliments you, how do you handle it? If they demean you, how do you respond? You don’t need to go through every little reaction right now, but stay mindful of them. If you notice that there’s something you don’t like, make a mental note of it and come back to it later. Why did you not like it? And, again, make sure you don’t make decisions based on others. Really think about it and decide if you want to make a change truly for yourself or for someone else.

Step 4: Building Your Life

So you got all your stuff figured out. A super clean space. A group of good friends. An understanding of your own feeling towards different aspects of your life. Now that you know these things, change the things you don’t like. 

Start with routines. Make them as strict or leisurely as you want. Set a time to wake up, a time to go to sleep. Figure out what you need to do every morning to have a good day, every night to have a good sleep and/or morning. You can look at mine for some ideas. Are there other things you want to do every day? Maybe you want to talk a walk during your lunch break or pick up your space every evening after dinner. Decide on things that you want to do every day and make them a routine. Put them in your schedule. Commit to them. Do them every day. Make weekly routines too. Every Thursday you do laundry. Every Wednesday you go grocery shopping. Every Monday you plan your week. Make as many or as few routines as you need to be happy with your life. Eventually, they will just be another part of your life and you won’t need to think about them anymore.

Then, focus on your habits. You’ve decided which ones you want to get rid of and which ones you want to start. Make plans for each and every one of them. Make a plan to quit smoking or spending less time on social media. Maybe that’s setting a limit. And that limit can be just as many/much as you’ve been doing. But now you’re limited to that. Then reduce it by a small bit. Instead of three cigarettes a day, limit yourself to 2. Instead of 2 hours on social media, spend 1.5 hours. Continue reducing the limit little by little until you’re at a point you are happy with and isn’t interfering with other things you want in life. Want to start a habit? Do the inverse. Start small and work up to your goal. Want to wake up earlier? Wake up five minutes earlier? Or even just work on getting out of bed right as your alarm goes off and then work on getting up earlier. 

Step 5: Living Your Life

It’s a process. Creating yourself is a process. You’re not going to have it all figured out in an afternoon. A lot of this is things that will slowly develop over time. You can do your initial overhaul but always come back to things. Review how you’re feeling and how things are going and make more changes as you need to.

So go out, live your life, continue to grow and work towards being the person you feel most happy as, and never let anything stop you. 

[ticktickblog]

Minimalism: How I Finally Found the True Beauty of Living with Less

A couple of months ago, I saw a TV series called Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, where a Japanese lady Konmari visited families to help them tidy their homes. The tiding process normally starts from clothes, books to sentimental items. A rule she’s given is only keeping what’s necessary and discarding those that don’t spark joy anymore. The basic concept embedded in the Konmari method is actually similar to minimalism.

Minimalism is about living with less. This not only means getting rid of extra material possessions, like what they did in that TV series, but also includes reducing mental burdens, and decluttering other aspects of life, e.g. digital life. It’s a less-is-more mindset that gets you to reflect on the current state of your life and identify what is truly valuable. With a minimalist lifestyle, people can sort their life well to enjoy more peace and freedom.

Getting rid of excessive material possessions

Among all aspects of minimal living, what we could easily start with is probably the personal belongings. I know this may still sound like a big project, but here’s what I did:

Observing

The first thing I did was to examine how much stuff I actually own, and I started with clothing. I pulled over all my clothes from several wardrobes and piled them together, which was really appalling, especially seeing hills and hills of clothes and some were years ago but still with the label on. I came to realize that I was kinda a semi shopaholic that I never thought I was.

Decluttering

Then it comes to the decluttering. I had to decide what to keep and what to toss. Considering some clothes are still quite new, I spare another choice for donation. It was quite a struggle to decide which item should go, but I asked myself two main questions:

Functionality: is it still functional/wearable?

Sentimental value: is it something meaningful/makes me happy?

It became easier with these two standards. For example,

Pieces bought out of pure impulse: donate.

Sweater my grandma knitted for me: stay.

T-shirts with holes: go.

Same type of dress: keep the best, ditch the rest.

Trousers I haven’t worn for the last year: go/donate.

Tip: One thing I learned from Konmari was the thank-you ritual. Thank the item for its sweet company before letting it go. This can help reduce your inner guilt when throwing things away.

Organizing

What was also suggested by Marie Kondo was organizing stuff by category instead of by location.This simply means storing the same type of items together, rather than letting them scatter in multiple places. For example, all towels go to one box, and all T-shirts should be collected in the same drawer, sorted by colors if you’d like. This helps when I need to quickly search for something, and also gives me a clear idea of the number of same items I own, which then can prevent me from buying more than I actually need.

Maintaining

To maintain the cleared-out momentum, regularly check if anything becomes excessive or nonfunctional. Also, always ask yourself the hard question — Do I really need it?/Do I already have it? — before you fall prey to consumerism that encourages you to buy excessively. Some minimalists stick strictly to the “one-in-one-out” principle, which means when they add something new, another stuff they already had should go. I haven’t tried this, it might be effective, but also be careful that it can lead to a simple replacement too.

Cleaning up digital clutters

Compared with visible substances in real life, what burdens us in the digital world is perhaps much harder to be noticed. A quick self-check can be: unlocking your phone and counting how many installed apps there are, or go to the photo album, and see the number of photos stored in it. In my case: 187 apps and 19220 photos. Amazing.

I decided to start the purge from those little cute apps. First I created different folders to sort them out by category. Interestingly, I realized I’ve downloaded 14 apps of a single type — photography and editing. Never knew I had a true passion for that. To downsize it, something particularly useful was: keeping the multi-functional apps because these are the ones I use most, just like TickTick, an all-in-one productivity app. Then the others are just a waste of storage. Also, let go of those barely used, for me the recipe apps, because I seldom cook, and also the recruitment apps, which were only used when I needed to look for a job. When finishing the decluttering process, the size of apps on my phone was shrunk largely to nearly ⅓ of the past.

The same process then went with my photo album, which was downsized to about 6k from 20k, after all the meaningless screenshots and repetitive selfies were deleted, and all trip photos were moved into cloud drive. This could further extend to messages or emails, if those are the severely-hit areas in your case. God bless.

I literally felt my phone was thinner after the whole process. Try it.

Reducing the amount of information I’m exposed to every day was what I did next. I’ve tried more radical way like cutting my phone completely out of daily life for 3 days in a row. It felt terrible honestly, and I used it for more hours as a payback once I got it back. A common misconception there of minimalism might be the elimination, but I think the difference is minimalism is not telling you to avoid something forever, it’s always about striking a balance between your desires and capacity.

Therefore, I’m enjoying my digital life, but I’m also trying to weighing it against my capacity of information that I can take in. Articles with exaggerated titles but cheesy contents needed to go first; numbers of newsletters subscribed should be restricted; time spent on TV series was limited; scrolling on social media posts was also reduced; notifications from apps were minimized… so on an so forth.

Reducing mental burdens

Lastly I’d like to talk a little about the effects of minimalism on mental world.

Also take myself as an example, I used to be addicted to expanding my social network, because I’ve long been educated: one more friend, one more road. Therefore, I took very good care of my social media accounts like they were just many MEs living on the internet. However, the larger my network size is, the more exhausted I feel. The more I care about how many likes I get for a new insta post, the more anxious I get.

Then I just realized putting so much effort into building social personas and expanding so-called friendships did nothing good, but added on my mental burdens. Why not spending more time for myself, and people I really love and care about? Understanding the truth of quality over quantity, I decided to:

Unfollow people I met on a party but never talked in life since then.

Delete those using me as a “problem-solving machine” but nothing else.

Delete those who barely contacted me unless they became sales.

Let go of those in close relationships but ghosted for whatever reasons.

Share what I’d really like to share instead of what my online friends like.

After doing that, I felt so much more relieved than before, because I finally understood that my time and energy is the very limited resources I have in life and thus not everyone around me is worth it. I truly get the meaning of living with less: spending less time on the unnecessary and what consumes you endlessly, but more on what you really need and what brings you joy.

Talking all above, you might feel inspired and would also like to try the minimalist lifestyle. But before you go, I’d like to kindly remind you of three gimmicks of minimalism I’ve spotted:

It’s not a disposal competition. Focusing only on the number of stuff you’ve tossed or people moved from your contact is not what really matters. And there isn’t a rule saying the less, the better.

It’s not a promotion of expensive brands with minimal designs. Some products brand themselves with minimalism, making it a new aesthetics standard with normally a not-so-affordable price. How ironic.

Make conscious decisions when ditching something, or else you may find yourself end up in a replacement cycle that causes extra expenditure.

In a nutshell, minimalism is a way of life and a way of thinking. It encourages us to focus more on what’s truly important in life and avoid other distractions; it becomes an antidote that saves us from drowning in numerous goods and boomed information; it helps reduce mental loads and spare some room for inner happiness.

So thank minimalism, go and enjoy life!

[angeltriestoblog]

I figured out what I want to do with my life! And made a vision board!

It came to me in a flash, really. One minute, I was watching a handpainted narration of the life and death of one of the greatest painters of all time, and next thing you know, I've abandoned it completely and started furiously typing away at my laptop about what I envisioned myself to be in five years' time. And I know I've had my fair share of false alarms in life: I thought I had what it takes to be a lawyer after seeing Legally Blonde for the first time while on my way to a school field trip, and seriously considered pursuing a career as a fashion blogger or MTV VJ because I was kind of fed up with school.

But this one just makes sense. Advising and assisting clients in producing content, collaterals, and campaigns according to their business objectives and based on collected data! It marries my love for writing, my knack for snooping around (the academic term is research!), and the specialty in technology and management my university ensures I'll have at the end of my four-year degree. i have yet to see how it’ll allow me to give back to society since that’s also a factor I want to consider in looking for a dream job but I’ll make it work. I found it hard to sleep that night, thanks to this nerdy, giddy kind of adrenaline rush I had. I broke down this big idea into smaller and smaller action steps until all I had left was a refined list of ideas and intentions, and a splitting headache.

I needed to make sure I was constantly reminded of their existence so all my choices and decisions would serve as a step closer to reaching all of them. So I caved in to the wishes of the "law of attraction" side of the Internet, and created my very own vision board! Simply put, this act of visualization is a powerful technique that can be used to manifest desires and reach goals. Our subconscious minds mainly recognize symbols and images: by merely looking at our vision boards everyday, subliminal messages are being sent to our brains, which will encourage them to work tirelessly to achieve the statements we are feeding to them. I can't find any explanation for this that's less abstract but since many people seem to swear on it and I have a lot of free time and printer ink, I figured why not, right?

It was convenient that I had this small corkboard from Daiso already stuck to one corner of my bedroom wall with several layers of double-sided tape. It used to be a year-long calendar of birthdays but I realized that I've never referred to it and often have to rely on either Facebook reminders or stock knowledge--there is no in between. All I had to do was to look at my list of goals, and compile photos that correspond to each of them, cut them up and arrange them in an aesthetically pleasing manner. You'll see below that I lacked the stereotypical luxury car and beachfront mansion with a walk-in closet and that's because I decided to focus on my goals for the next five years so it looks even a little bit more achievable.  

Here's the finished product, along with explanations for each picture, to make this how-to more personal and to also hold myself accountable.

 Make my girl Jenna Rink and everybody at Poise proud by writing for a magazine | I had listed a specific one at the time, and if you follow me on Twitter and Instagram, you already know what it is and how this endeavor turned out - but on this blog, I'll shroud it in a little cloud of mystery for now and talk about it more in a future post. I'm very happy producing content for this space of mine and have no intention of stopping any time soon. But at the same time I know that I'd be missing out if I didn't take the chance to be part of a community that leads me to like-minded individuals, allows me to grow even more in my craft, and "gives creators a space to speak their minds and push the limits of their artistry, without imposing any restrictions or expectations", as I stated in my application form.

 Be active in three organizations next school year | (I had to blur one of them out because I'm not a member yet and I don't want to jinx it.) I know it's bold of me to assume that we'll be returning to school any time soon, but if we are ever lucky enough, I want to outdo myself when it comes to the orgs I'm a part of. I have been a good follower throughout my first two years of college but now I believe it's my time to try my hand at leading a group of people and being more involved in the conceptualization and execution of projects.

 Go on a trip to Europe | Not even just a specific group of countries anymore (I used to be a France, Italy, Spain supremacist)--I mean the entire continent! (But then again, with its rich history and culture, picturesque tourist spots, diverse cuisines... even the sheer adrenaline rush that comes with being in a land completely different from the one you come from, how could anyone not want to go?

 and 12. Get the job of my dreams | I actually nicked these photos from the website of a cooperative I want to work for once I graduate from college. I know that I can't plan out the rest of my career trajectory as early as now: things are bound to change at some point, but I hope that I stay in a field that combines creativity and business strategy to craft campaigns, create meaningful content, and market solutions to brands.

 Expand my network | I acknowledge how knowing people who know people who know people can open windows of opportunities that I wouldn't have been able to have anywhere else. But I also look forward to building genuine connections with people from all sorts of industries. Talking to the same circle of friends can sometimes feel like you're trapped in an echo chamber: there is certainly much to learn from others' viewpoints.

 Volunteer to teach kids | I don't think the written word could have changed my life as much as it did, had it not been for the presence of English teachers who believed in the power of the language to shape the minds of the youth. I guess this is just me trying to give back and help the next generation express their ideas and bring them to life by channeling my inner John Keating.

 Maintain a clean workspace that is conducive to productivity | Especially during these days, I spend a solid 18 out of 24 hours sat at my desk, trying my best to make magic happen. It's very important that I keep it a constant and active source of inspiration, free from any distractions, and at the right level of comfort. Although it's not as minimalist as I hoped it would be and my table is about an inch too high for my liking, I'm still pretty satisfied!

 Document memories consistently, be it through a physical or online journal | Speaking of clearing out my room, I recently found around 20 notebooks I had filled up over the years. Though maintaining them must have been such a hassle especially as I got older and reading through them was a distraction from completing the task at hand, I am thankful I painstakingly chronicled everything going on in my life and kept them in good condition. Seeing the goals I had set for myself all those years ago and how I achieved most of them without making a conscious effort has inspired me to do my older self a favor by putting in the work now so she can reap the rewards. (While I'm on this note, can anyone recommend a good app for journaling? I keep all my current entries in my Mac's Notes app because even though I am more of an analog person, I seemed to have lost the patience and persistence required to keep a physical journal. But at the same time, I'm scared of my laptop suddenly cr*shing and wiping out everything I had stored)

 Stay focused on my work always | I didn't know how to show this without having to spell it out in words so I Photoshopped my face onto the head of a woman working in a cafe because those who study in coffee shops along Katip always look like they're getting stuff done.

 Keep learning about the world even when I'm outside of the classroom | And this is not limited to frequenting the nearby museum, although that does sound like a great idea right now. This could also mean attending seminars, workshops, and talks, buying books and binge-watching documentaries or YouTube videos about a topic that I find interesting, engaging in discourse with someone (plus points if they have a different viewpoint!)

 Write my own book | Before I even found out that humans were destined to pick a career and work until they died, I already knew that I wanted to spend my days as a writer. Specifically, I wanted to see my name on the cover of a book: By Angel Martinez. (Please refer to the 4:32 of this video and look at how far this dream actually goes back.) But once I realized that I wanted to enter the world of business, I thought I would have to give this up altogether. Thankfully, I now know that one's ability to get published is not reliant on their career--I mean, even beauty gurus get book deals these days. I'm not really sure what it's going to be about but I'd honestly be down for anything: even if it's just a compilation of my best entries on this blog.

13. Go all out when I take myself on self-care dates | I'm talking about picnics at the beach, with a basket full of fruits, a posh looking hat, and a good piece of classic literature! Or fancy dinners for one complete with as many glasses of red wine as I can down! People watching at Downtown Disneyland like my paternal grandmother in hand, with a plastic bag of souvenirs on one hand and a cream cheese pretzel on the other! (The possibilities are endless and I'm already mapping most of them out.)

14. Be financially stable enough to re-enact that one scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian Ward struts down the streets of Beverly Hills in a chic white dress and black hat, an endless number of shopping bags in tow | The part where I humiliate a sales lady who snubbed me the day before because she didn't think I could afford what she was selling by saying, "You work on commission, right? That's right. Big mistake, big, huge." is entirely optional.

I also included some two inspirational sayings that were originally laptop wallpapers from The Everygirl. I feel like they perfectly sum up the attitude I want to have as I forge my own path and accomplish everything I have set out for myself. If I was somehow able to convince you that this activity serves as the perfect springboard for all your dreams and aspirations, here are a couple of tips that could hopefully help you make yours!

Be ready for some intense introspection | Though it may look like a simple arts and crafts activity at the surface, making an effective vision board simply cannot be achieved if you're not willing to do some much needed reflection and watch it balloon into a full-on existential crisis. Identify which areas of your life are most important to you and how you would like to see them evolve over a period of time.

Specificity is key | The trick is to make your goals as concrete as possible, then translate them into visual elements. I know some people who wanted to get into particular universities, who have Photoshopped their names onto acceptance letters and pinned those to their corkboards. As stupid as that may sound in retrospect, I reckon it's an elaborate way of claiming something that's right within your reach.

Design it any way you want | Don't feel pressured to make it look like it's worthy to be on someone else's Pinterest because that's exactly how you lose sight of why you're doing it in the first place. The only person your final output has to resonate with is you.

Don't get discouraged | Although a vision board can attract positive energy and manifest your intentions to the universe, one thing it isn't capable of doing is granting your wishes in an instant. Don't be upset if what you have cut out and stuck on has yet to happen: I truly believe in the saying that the more you look for something, the more it seems to avoid you. Instead, continue to work hard and focus on the progress that you have already made.

Have you made a vision board of your own already? How has it turned out, and how many of the things you had put up have come true? I know you may be a complete stranger from the other side of the world but I'd be happy to hear from you anyway! Wishing you love and light always, especially during trying times such as this. Wash your hands, pray for our frontliners, and check your privilege!

[retrauxpunk]

Rain, I ask you: ALL the quarantine asks!

Animated character that was your gay awakening? not really an ‘awakening’ so much as a ‘hint’, but Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender ... yep

Grilled cheese or PB&J? GRILLED CHEESE

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? I don’t really experience this mood, but my go-to watch is the vlogbrothers YouTube channel

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? if it’s a low-key/work outing, lager or cider (esp the ones with non-apple fruits too); if it’s getting more serious (lol) or with closer friends or a more celebratory mood: vodka with sparkling apple juice

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? these Doc Martens that are white with red hearts got ’em with my first ever full time design job paycheck. i did not take care of them well so they’re super scuffed/beat-up and very much not Perfectly White ... but they’re still comfy as heck, i still love the design, and they’ve lasted 3 years so far, let’s see how much longer we can make it ... also i think they’re a limited edition so i likely won’t get my hands on any replacements...

Top three cuisines? my cheap-ass answer would be, like: East Asian, South-East Asian, Western European ... but my non-shit answer is... Japanese, Chinese, Italian (ftr i’m not a seafood fan ... i just love the ramen and non-seafood stuff that japan makes hehe)

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? i have no clue

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? cold-calling strangers to ask them to do market research phone surveys (y)

Look up. What’s directly across from you? the kitchen

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a messenger bag that i got signed by Jeph Jacques of the Questionable Content webcomic that i once adored ... and I think my boyfriend has gifted me a signed Matthew Reilly hardcover.

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? curled up indoors wearing something cosy, reading and eating something delicious. playing animal crossing lol. aaaaand listening to music, a good podcast, watching stand-up comedy, drawing, getting intoxicated...

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? occasionally the standard smoked salmon and cream cheese, but i slightly prefer the meat to be, like, prosciutto

Brunch or midnight snacks? ehh fuck it, both???? both!!

Favorite mug you own easter limited edition waitrose mug, squat and round and yellow, painted/shaped like a very round chick. a Borb,,,,

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? i actually thought about this and, uh, peppermint mocha. not for everyone, slightly weird, never fitting in with the regulars/being a default, but???? obviously awesome?? also: about 65% on the mainstream/hipster scale

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) The Wombats is the artist. lyrics are either “Let's dance to Joy Division / and celebrate the irony / Everything is going wrong, / but we're so happy” from Let’s Dance to Joy Division or “the edge of nowhere’s such a beautiful place” from Emoticons

Fruity or herbal teas? herbal but i agree with @queenofslime, black tea is the best

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? ...do i experience embarrassment about what i like to watch on TV? i don’t know if i do, because i watch relatively few shows ... and have relatively little shame? maybe???

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? ftr i wasn’t bitter about this before reading, i had no preconceived biases against, and i was pretty open to liking it -- The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

Do you match your socks? if they’re of a really nice design then yes always, if they’re of a more standard/generic design then ... not necessarily

Have you ever been horseback riding? yes a few times ... on the last time which was like five years ago ... the lady said i was a natural and asked if i’d ridden much before, which was. flattering. and yes this is a Brag.

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) didn’t have much of a hardcore phase but i was pretty much always into fantasy ... oh wait yeah i did! i had a spy phase :)

Have you ever been to jail? to closed-down ones, yep

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? pretty great idea unequivocably, right?

Puzzles? i tend to enjoy riddles/lateral thinking puzzles, i am impartial about jigsaw puzzles. i enjoy escape rooms.

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? apple ... but elderflower if i’m feeling reckless (y)

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? young adult ... or stationery

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? Russian language :( it’s going не так хорошо

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? not sure if i have a go-to artist so much as go-to playlists i’ve made but some good ones are The Wombats and Bastille 

Where could someone find you in a museum? mammals/birds in natural history

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? i swear i was talking about this recently but i clean the fuck forgot what it was ... oh yeah, i have this short-sleeved black minidress festooned with silver buckles/buttons and also featuring decorative suspenders ... which, yes, does make me look like a sexy military officer,,, anyway it’s pretty badass and somehow it hasn’t occurred to me till now that i can just wear that every day now if i want? ftw i do get the chance to wear it, it’s just a little bit Extra so i get self-conscious. i’ve worn it a few times though. including to work. because fuck it, right? i didn’t become a graphic designer to be shy about sometimes looking like a prototypical emo/scene kid-turned-adult??? (ftr i was never an actual emo/scene kid. i lacked the requisite guts, commitment of feeling, and permissive parents.)

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? sunset-coloured clouds :)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? how about a shapeshifting feathered dragon that could range from, like, two thirds of a foot long (20cm) to sit on your shoulder, to ... the size of a massive draft horse? (but longer and thinner)

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? photos, though if i didn’t live with a partner, it might be art

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i’ve already got a meme tattooed on my body ... a private meme i have with my boyfriend, one on each leg (left: outer side, just above knee; right: outside, a few inches above the ankle)

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with ?????? is this a sidekick to a known superhero, or a superhero to act as your sidekick? also i don’t know? who are the standard heroes? i’m not up to date on this.

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? rivers or oceans

Favorite mid-2000s song i can’t decide a favourite, it’s too stressful, but one that i like is Rob Thomas’s Little Wonders

How do you dress when you’re home alone? either a t-shirt and PJ pants, or a dress (usually short-sleeved/sleeveless minidress)

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? on either side of the couch haha

Knives or swords? BOTH but ok swords.

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving hmmmmm like all of Linkin Park’s first three albums with some exceptions? hahahah

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie i don’t think i.....know any????

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? explanation, though on instagram quite often the photo and caption are unrelated

Name a classic Vine there’s only one thing worse than a rapist...

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? dumplings! as in the gyoza type.

How do you top your ice cream? that ‘magic’ chocolate sauce that hardens into chocolate. that stuff. i watched those ads all childhood long but my parents were immigrants and therefore very thrifty so we NEVER bought it iirc and then in my adulthood i got it a bunch of times. but now i live in the uk and can’t find it. and forgot it existed. and have never seen it anywhere.

Do you like Jello? the kind that’s served on a plate as a dessert? meh. the kind that are found in asian grocery stores as individual fruit-flavoured serves in little plastic cups? YES 

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? future stock prices? LOL ... or i’m gonna go with @queenofslime‘s answer again -- how others see me. it’s a great answer.

How are you at climbing trees? not............ good. i mean, i like climbing, but i have absolutely terrible upper body strength. i did bouldering for a couple months but only stuck to the first like... three out of nine difficulty levels.

[vaguelygeiszlerian]

1 to 50

ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

[queenofslime]

I would also like to ask you all the quarantine asks! :D

Why, thank you! <3

Animated character that was your gay awakening? If I’m gonna be honest it’s the girl from the 19th amendment song in School House Rock (Sufferin’ for Suffrage). Also Kim Possible.

Grilled cheese or PB&J? Grilled Cheese!!!

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? TV show: Cheers. Youtube: Bon Appetit

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? I don’t really drink all that much.

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? Floral Doc Martens I’ve had since I was 15

Top three cuisines? Chinese, Mexican, Indian

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? Hi!

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? I work for a gay rights lawyer right now

Look up. What’s directly across from you? Toaster oven

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? I had John DiMaggio, voice of Dr Drakken, sign my Kim Possible CD

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? Drinking tea and watching movies

What do you get on your bagels? I’m a monster sometimes I just eat untoasted bagels with nothing on them

What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? I have no idea at the moment. Probably new clothes so I can commit to a color scheme and an Aesthetic

Brunch or midnight snacks? Midnight snack. Or “dark lunch”, as I call it

Favorite mug you own Little mug from Daiso with a cat playing piano. On one side it says “This beautiful music is being played by the cat” and on the other side it says “Can you play the piano just the way I did it?”

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? I need a uquiz to tell me based on which Mary Oliver poem makes me want to plant myself in a garden

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) First thing that came to mind: “I thought I was so smart/but I don’t know my heart” I don’t know my heart from pride and prejudice the musical

Fruity or herbal teas? Herbal but I prefer black tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? Sex and the City is nice for when i don’t want to have to think about anything but i want to see pretty outfits and low-stakes problems, you know?

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? Catcher in the Rye, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Do you match your socks? If I can

Have you ever been horseback riding? Once or twice

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) I went through a like 5-year long Ancient Egypt phase. But I also read Dragonology and D’Aulaires Book of Greek Myths cover to cover multiple times

Have you ever been to jail? No i’m sheltered

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? Is there discourse about this?

Puzzles? I’m pathetic with puzzles. I get frustrated with that kind of stuff so fast. I always lose escape rooms and I don’t even try to solve the murder when i’m watching a mystery show.

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? Apple

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? Poetry

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? I bought a pattern and fabric to sew some pajamas but I’ve been putting off starting it

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? If I’m REALLY upbeat I’ll listen to my Broadway playlist, “Vigorous Jazz Hands”

Where could someone find you in a museum? In the gift shop buying postcards to put on my wall

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? I have this absolutely killer brown leather jacket with big-ass shoulders that makes me look like a lesbian park ranger but it’s almost never cold enough where I live to wear it

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? Stars :)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? A fox maybe!

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? Art

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? “Bottom Text” on my butt

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with Layla from Sky High

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? Ocean

Favorite mid-2000s song What to Do by OK Go (2002)

How do you dress when you’re home alone? Sweatpants and a tshirt. Or sometimes just a bralette and basketball shorts.

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? Right side of the couch. if my mom is sitting there then the armchair next to the sofa.

Knives or swords? Swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving Orville Peck’s debut album Pony

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie Twitches!

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? Usually an explanation kinda person, unless i’m posting on my spam Instagram in which case the photo and the caption usually have nothing to do with each other

Name a classic Vine I’m in me mum’s car...broom broom

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? Bagel bites or bean burritos

How do you top your ice cream? MnMs and whipped cream

Do you like Jello? I could take it or leave it i guess

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? Let’s get philosophical: the way other people see me (ooooooo)

How are you at climbing trees? I used to be pretty good at it as a kid but I haven’t tried in earnest in years. Hm I need to go try once it stops raining around here

[eldritchsurveys]

692.

How many songs are on your Ipod/mp3 player? >> I don’t use those. There are about 1400 songs in my Spotify Liked Songs.

Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you'd get? >> Yeah, mostly just silly shit.

When was the last time you went grocery shopping? >> We went to World Market on Wednesday. That place is a trap.

When you turn on the TV, what's the first channel you flip to? >> When I turn on the TV, it’s either to use one of the apps (Hulu, Netflix, YouTube) or a game console.

Have you ever confronted someone about using too much chat-speak? >> Why would I do that?

Have you ever revealed someone's secret, after promising not to tell? >> No.

What is one emotion that you experience regularly? >> Sadness of some type or another.

Do you ever feel insecure about your appearance? >> Of course.

Describe the last major change you made concerning your hairstyle? >> I don’t make major changes concerning my hair. It’s been this same way for years now.

Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? >> I don’t know.

How did you decide upon your favorite colors? >> I didn’t, really. I just... noticed I loved gold and was like oh that’s cool then.

Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? >> Yeah, I’m not at all likely to approach anyone wearing a shirt with neo-Nazi sentiments, a shorn head, and shoes with coloured laces.

Name one embarrassing activity that you take part in? >> ---

For you, what determines a true friend? >> I... I don’t know. I have attachment issues and CPTSD, I have no business trying to have friends.

Ever been told that you can't understand Love due to your age? >> Yeah. They were probably right when it came to me, though, because I still don’t fully understand love sometimes.

What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? >> Red. (I forget the actual names of the flavours, lol.)

Do you prefer schedules and plans, or spontaneity? >> I prefer a flexible schedule.

How do you let someone know that you like him/her? >> ---

Do you think that you act like yourself while online? >> Who else would I act like?

Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? >> Not to my recollection.

Who is the fakest person in your life right now? >> ---

If you could repeat yesterday, what would you do differently? >> I don’t want to repeat yesterday, I felt like crap yesterday.

Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds? >> I don’t recall ever doing that, but maybe.

When was the last time that you felt disappointment? >> Probably earlier this week.

When was the last time someone let you know you are loved? >> I mean, I don’t know. Like, I assume most of the stuff Sparrow does has some measure of that in it? I guess? That’s how it works, right? Don’t ask me for sure, because remember, my ability to feel loved (by anyone aside from Inworlders) is broken.

When someone's constantly negative, how do you deal with it? >> I don’t deal with it. I mean, like... people are allowed to express themselves however they like. If it bothers me, I just... leave? Disengage? It’s really not all that difficult. It sure makes more sense than trying to berate them into behaving in a way that’s acceptable to me. People are people, not my puppets.

Does Christmas make you feel like a kid again? >> No. I mean, I didn’t celebrate Christmas as a child, so that’s not the emotional connection I have...

Would you rather buy presents for others, or receive them? >> Both is good.

What is your favorite winter-time activity? >> Sitting inside in a pile of blankets and plushies.

Do you have any artistic talent? >> I don’t think so.

How did you meet your current best friend? >> ---

Would you ever shoplift from a store if you knew you wouldn't be caught? >> I’ve shoplifted from stores many times without being caught. It’s not something I’m inclined to do nowadays, and that’s only because 1) the stakes are higher now and 2) I can usually pay for (or wait until I can pay for) what I want, for once.

When one of your pets dies, how do you react? >> I’ve never had a pet that, like, I... was emotionally attached to. So I don’t know how I would react in a circumstance like this, because I don’t even know what it’s like to be emotionally attached to a pet. *sigh* My answers to this survey really haven’t cast me in an attractive light, I know. I swear my existence is actually worth something.

When you go to the movies, where in the theater do you sit? >> Close to the back row if not in the back row, in the middle.

When was the last time you lost your appetite? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever neglected to take care of yourself? >> Oh, of course.

The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? >> I drafted a Sam/Heartman story that I will probably never finish now because ouch.

Have you ever wanted something that someone else has? >> Of course.

Do "lovey-dovey" couples get on your nerves? >> No.

What are your opinions on teen relationships? >> I have no opinions on teen relationships.

Have you recently made a bad decision? >> Probably.

After a fight, who apologizes first - you, or the other person? >> Pffff.

What is one thing about yourself that you cannot stand? >> *makes a grand flourish at half of my answers*

How do you feel upon receiving a thoughtful gift? >> Happy?

When you daydream, where does your mind go? >> ---

When you're feeling creative, what do you do? >> Well, writing is my first choice. Sometimes I’ll try drawing, although that rarely turns out well.

Is there something you are ashamed to do in front of others? >> Yeah, there are a lot of things I don’t like doing in front of other people. Like existing in general.

What was the last thing someone did to make you feel uncomfortable? >> I don’t remember. It probably had something to do with physical contact.

When it comes to personal questions, how open are you? >> It depends on who’s asking and what kind of mood I’m in.

How do you like to pass the time? >> In a variety of ways, this being one of them.

Do you mind being in your house alone overnight? >> Not at all.

Are there any dreams you remember from childhood? >> I vaguely remember this one weird dream where I was in this place called Starvation Country. I don’t remember why it was called that or what happened there, but it must have been unsettling. I also remember having dreams about being pregnant, which probably contributed to my extreme aversion to the concept.

What is the last joke you heard? >> I don’t remember.

Have you ever wanted to just disappear completely? >> Of course.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you were gone? >> Certainly.

What worries you most about death? >> The terrible inexorable knowledge of it happening. The terror and helplessness. The pain, certainly.

When you finish a good book, how do you feel? >> I mean, it depends on what kind of book it was. Some books are very emotionally heavy, others are just good in the sense that they had a lot of interesting information in them, others are fun/funny and lighten the spirit.

If you could spend a day with any celebrity, who would it be? >> ---

What would you want to do, and where would you want to go? >> I don’t know enough about any celebrity to know that I would definitely want to spend time with them.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #252

my personal laptop has to be fixed, so therefore i don’t have games to play, so expect plenty of these to pass the time lmao.

Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you’d get? No, not that I remember. Have you ever confronted someone about using too much chat-speak? ??? No??? Have you ever revealed someone’s secret, after promising not to tell? No. Secrets are one thing I'm very serious about respecting. What is one emotion that you experience regularly? STRESS, MOTHERFUCKER. Describe the last major change you made concerning your hairstyle? Lopped it all off, lmao. It's been like, two years now though. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? It feels like my friend Alex. She's kinda just... left me hanging for months. I think she's active online, but not with me, despite reaching out. She's also deleted her b.net account or just removed me from her friends list, idk. Absolutely nothing seems like it would've prompted that, though. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? I was going to say no, but the last person's answer inspired mine to yes; like, I'm not going to go talk to people with some crazy or offensive shit on their shirts, nor am I going to just go walk up to someone covered in blood. Name one embarrassing activity that you take part in? I don't know. Like I say enough I'm VERY self-conscious of revealing I RP, but only because I'm sensitive to how the person will respond. I'm in no way like, ashamed I do it. I'm just terrified of judgment over something "unusual." Ever been told that you can’t understand love due to your age? Not that I remember. I only claimed to "get it" (to my recollection) at a point in mine and Jason's relationship, and I very legitimately would've guffawed at and honestly nearly slapped you if you claimed I "didn't understand" love. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? THE PINK ONES. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I act more like myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? No. Who is the fakest person in your life right now? I don't keep those people in my life. Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds? As a kiddo. When someone’s constantly negative, how do you deal with it? It depends on the person, but ALMOST in all cases, I really really try to support the person as best I can. It may start to bring me a bit down, but I feel I'm just like... hardwired to help those I love. I think it's what my relationship with Jason did, as he left because he couldn't handle my depression anymore, and with how that absolutely and utterly annihilated me, I don't want anyone else to feel that pain. Now, for people I don't have much of a bond with, it's easier for me to say "I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now," but even then, I prefer to help. Does Christmas make you feel like a kid again? No. I'm really most excited for aunt reasons, lol. Do you have any artistic talent? Some. Would you ever shoplift from a store if you knew you wouldn’t be caught? Absolutely not. When one of your pets dies, how do you react? Usually cry. I've only ever not done so if I hadn't at all formed a bond with the animal. When you go to the movies, where in the theater do you sit? Close to the front, in the middle. When was the last time you lost your appetite? I don’t know. Have you ever neglected to take care of yourself? Er. Quite badly during '16, in the depth of my depression. I'll just say my teeth are kinda yellow because of it. I want to whiten my teeth at some point if I can afford that kind of luxury. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? In RP, the most recent section being written now is my main protagonists receiving a visit from their allies before getting their asses torn up the next day lmao. After a fight, who apologizes first - you, or the other person? Usually me, but it does depend. If I genuinely feel I didn't do jackshit wrong, no, I'm not apologizing. When you’re feeling creative, what do you do? Write. Do you mind being in your house alone overnight? Not really by now. Done so a number of times. Are there any dreams you remember from childhood? Nightmares, yes, and one very realistic dream. What worries you most about death? Not knowing what happens afterwards. Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970s or earlier? I love The Munsters, I Love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies, and The Addams Family. I'm sure there's more, considering I liked to watch stuff with my mom as a kid. Who’s your celebrity crush(es)? HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Ever been to a rave? No. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? I don't really do that. Like I'll vent about people occasionally, but "talk shit" seems like the wrong word. I don't like gossiping. Are you a jealous person? Envious, rather, sometimes. I get VERY envious when it comes to photography, but otherwise, I don't feel it much. Who do you text the most out of your friends? Sara is like the only friend I text, lol. What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public?
 Honestly, call an authority. I don't fuck with that. I'm not watching it happen. How often do you play video games? What are some of your favourites?
 I played World of Warcraft daily until my laptop took a shit. Need to get that fixed. Now I play actual video games very rarely... but mostly just because you can only replay the same ole game so many times before you've had enough of it for like a year. There are a great number of new games I want to play, though. I want a PS4 soooo badly. What are a few things that get on your nerves when it comes to Facebook (or your social networking site of choice)?
 More than anything, posting something that's crying for attention only for the person to be like "ugh I don't wanna talk about it." Then don't fucking post it. What are three things you’ve started to like lately? I feel like I haven't found new interests in a long time... Wait! I do feel The Handmaid's Tale and the Wings of Fire book Sara lent me have revived my love of reading! :') I want to go to the book store when I can and get both the new sequel to THT and the next WoF book. What was the last reason for having butterflies in your stomach?
 *shrug* Do you need a lot of space in relationships, or are you happy to spend a lot of time with your SO?
 I need SOME alone time, but for the most part I love being together. Once we're really close, anyway. What was the last thing you cooked from scratch? Scrambled eggs. Have you ever won anything from those games in arcades?
 Yeah. Funny story, there was this one time my sister won a stuffed duck from a claw machine, and it was the one I wanted after trying many times, and I cried so hard that one of the employees literally got one out for me lmfao. I probably still have it in the attic. When was the last time you went out to a fair?
 Not since right before the breakup. How far is the nearest zoo or wildlife park from your house? Do you go often?
 Like, two hours. We almost never go because of the distance. Are either one of your parents retired? If not, what do they do for a living?
 No. My dad's been a mailman all my life, and Mom is currently on disability because she has cancer and obviously can't work because of chemotherapy and all that. She was a pharmacy tech, though. If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be?
 Can all this weight like vanish please. Have you ever gone out with someone you didn’t like?
 ????? Why would I do that???? Well, I didn't yet like-like Tyler because we hadn't been reunited as friends long enough; dating was kinda like... a dumb way to re-get to know each other? Thank fuck that was only two weeks. Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I'm single. Would you ever work at a fast food restaurant?
 No. History shows I can't work with people. Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off?
 AHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! If you’ve seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie?
 I never watched them. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck on a frozen pole?
 No. Are you a cat or a dog person?
 Cat. Does the movie Titanic make you cry?
 Ha ha, yes. I watched it on movie day while at the psych hospital and all of us were lil bitches almost sobbing, lol. Because it's a long movie, it went past our allotted time, but the nurses decided to let us finish it because we were so into it. I do have some good memories from those times... Do you think that fat people should wear skinny jeans? I think people can wear whatever the fuck they want without fear of judgment. Do you prefer game systems like Xbox, or older ones like Super Nintendo? The former. Do you enjoy indie music? Yep! What is the most strange piercing you’ve ever seen? Those ones people were getting on their fingers instead of rings... just huh. What do you do when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store? Look around, I guess. Think. What is your favourite beach to go to? I haven't been to enough to know. Have you ever been to a country club? No. Have you ever seen an animal die in real life? Too many times. Animals have been euthanized in my arms, and a kitten slowly died in my hands once. One of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced. Teddy accidentally punctured its lungs or broke ribs, I think, or something like that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to bring it back to its siblings because it wandered off, but he held it too tightly. I was home alone, too. It was fucking awful. Do you live on a Rd, St, Blvd, Ln, Way, or Ave? Road. Do you have naked pictures of someone saved on your phone? No. Would you ever go see an opera? Bitch I played Parasite Eve, I don't trust that shit. But seriously, no, not my scene. Do you own anything John Deere? No. Do you have a push mower or a mower that you ride on? Neither. A friend mows for us; he has the latter. What is the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic for? No clue. I think during a trip to New York. Would you consider joining the air force, army, etc? No. Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Dylan. I thought he was super cute and cool. What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? I dunno. Who did you idolize growing up? Steve Irwin. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? No. Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? Best: English. Worst: math. Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. Writing poetry. Drawing. Do you like to get your nails done? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT. Do you like to wear dresses? Hell no with my current body. Do you like any ‘manly’ activities like hunting, fishing, or camping? I find fishing to be fun and relaxing, but because of morals, I can't stomach doing it anymore. What was the name of your first boyfriend? First with the title, Aaron. First *real* boyfriend, Jason. Your first kiss? Jason. Are you still with either of those people from the last 2 questions? No. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? Ha ha no. I think. What is your longest relationship to date? Three years, 7-8 months. I don't remember if the breakup was in August or September. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was kinda like... mutual-ish, but moreso her. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Do you cry during romantic movies? Sometimes. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Have you ever been used? I don't think so romantically, but in other ways, I know I have been. Have you ever felt violated? Yes. Do you like when a guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? Not everyone likes guys, so what an assumption. But anyway, only if we're very serious and have heavy trust in one another. Do you ever leave the house without makeup? Pretty much always. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Been a few years. What kind of gift can win you over? BITCH buy me something Mark-related and you earn like 20 points. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? Depends on who you are. In almost any case, no. They're awkward. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. Do you sleep naked? No. Is smoking a turn-off? Yes. Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else’s house? When I was at Sara's a year or so back. What is one food you always crave? Ice cream. Are you an exercise freak? Hunny- What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Snakes don't scare me, so spooders. Do you expect to be married in the next two years? No. Would you ever get implants? Nah. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s sibling? No. Are you more of a 'girly girl’ or a 'tomboy’? A tomboy. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. Are you addicted to texting? No.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 51 - Full. With the nursery scene, it would have ended up being waaaaay too long, but now you know what's coming

Eren's had spent a week in hospital, his omega then returning fully over the next two weeks. It was a roller coaster for both of them. Eren still struggling to control emotions. Some days and nights were better than others. Some days Eren couldn't even get out bed, thanks to being exhausted by his nightmares or the inability to get comfortable. Then some days, he couldn't get out of bed without being reduced into a panicking mess over the smallest of things. Like Levi closing a drawer too hard... he'd taken his bad shift out on the cutlery drawer, causing Eren to bolted into the bathroom. He'd stayed there for the better part of three hours before calming down enough to come back out. Then there were the sudden bouts of anger that seemed to well up from nothing at all... He'd bought eggs without thinking about it, eggs still seemingly taboo in the apartment. Eren had lost hit shit over it, throwing each and every single one of the dozen at him with angry screams. If it'd been anyone other than Eren, he would have been pissed. Handling the situation like a mature adult, he'd laughed. He couldn't help it. Eren had run out of curses after the forth egg, just defaulting to calling him a "constipated arsehole", before getting flustered at himself over it all. It'd been adorable. His boyfriend might be ridiculously tall, but he was, as Hanji would describe, an "anger muffin". Impossible to actually be mad at due to the fact he was completely adorable. At 22 weeks, his boyfriend was a force to be reckoned with. His affectionate side had come back, Levi enjoying every second of it. Eren would have dinner or breakfast ready, and a bath waiting for him. His omega seemed to be prefer baths to showers, and didn't want to bathe alone. It only dissolved into sex half the time... He couldn't keep his hands off his mates stomach, pathetically in love with the swell and the future it meant. He was acting completely foolish, almost unlike himself. His protective instincts were only growing stronger, each time he left work, he forced Eren to lock the door properly behind him. It was the only way he could make through his shifts. That and when Eren was awake, they'd message back and forth all day. His omega choosing to throw himself into working through the books Levi had ordered for him. His drive to learn so great, that Levi had been thinking about asking Eren if he'd like to enrol in some online classes, or at least find a way for his boyfriend to get his high school equivalency. With how determined Eren was, he was sure he could manage it, especially with only 18 weeks being left until the due date of their pup. It all seemed like it was approaching too fast. Like if he blinked, he'd miss it, and he didn't want to miss a single thing in both Eren's and their child's life. With things finally looking better, Levi was finally able to bring the nursery issue up with Eren. His boyfriend had plenty of ideas, which surprised him. He'd thought Eren spent his time alone at home napping, cleaning or working on his studies. He hadn't even considered the fact that Eren might sneak into the spare room to take measurements, and compile a basic list of what he wanted via screen shots. All of it was perfect... Almost too perfect... yet quite unlike him, he didn't find himself dwelling on all the "what ifs" of the situation. Labour was dangerous. It'd never been a safer time to be having children, yet 830 women died a day due to pregnancy and complications. Males at an even higher risk as their bodies didn't stretch the way a female did. He knew if the fluid situation didn't happen to level out, that Eren would most likely require a c-section, and he knew Eren would automatically blame himself for it all. Finally getting two days off in a row, Levi had hit cloud nine. He'd spent the morning having lazy sex and snuggles with Eren. Their bed a complete mess by the time the two of the had crawled out of it. This had been followed by a quick hard fuck with Eren bent over the bathroom counter. Then had come showering with, and carefully cleaning out his blissed out omega. Eren coming with a whimper as he did. He'd wanted nothing more than to curl up with Eren on the sofa, and binge on a bunch of bad movies, but they were going shopping for nursery and baby things. His "suppressed" alpha constantly reminding him of the fact, as it wanted to show how good it was at providing for their child. There was also the fact that Eren wanted his hair cut, after trying to cut it himself in the bathroom, and the fact that nearly nothing of the omega's fitted over his swollen stomach anymore. Personally, Levi didn't give two shits if Eren wanted to walk around shirt free, or just in his bra. His lover's body was beautiful, and his developing breasts were perfect for holding onto when he mounted him from behind. He was lucky Eren felt the same way. He'd succeeded in making Eren come in his pants, by toying with his nipples while making out on the sofa. Eren's white dress was the only thing that properly covered his bump. Coupled with a pair of yoga pants and one of Levi's hoodies, his omega really didn't want to wear shoes. There was no way he was letting his boyfriend walk around bared foot getting all sorts of nasty germs all over them. His firm attitude led to Eren crying, but allowing Levi to put shoes on him... while leaving Levi feeling like a bit of an arse. Eren had enough problems as it was. His depression wasn't something magically cured by the return of his omega, it'd just helped to take the edge off. They still had plenty to talk about. For instance, the fact Eren thought himself a murderer, but that was barely remembered once they'd started being physical again. Heading to the closest shopping centre, Eren clung to him adorably... even if it was from anxiety. With his heartburn making breakfast nearly impossible, Levi was determined to do as much as he could for Eren. He'd gotten him to drink some milk, so his stomach wasn't completely empty. Not that it counted as breakfast in his eyes. He'd just have to trust that Eren would let him know when he was hungry. Walking into the department store, Levi snagged a trolley "Now. Anything you like, anything at all, you can get" "Mmm... I know. I, uh... talked to Marco and Hanji a little" "You've been talking to Marco?" "I thought I told you that Hanji brought him to see me. He apologised for being a bad friend... he came and saw me again, without Hanji and we talked a little... it's not like how it used to be, but he's... yeah. It's better" Levi wasn't sure if he liked Eren hanging around Marco again. Not when Jean was such a fucking arsehole. Jean getting into Eren's head, would be... no. Marco had to prove himself to Eren first, then maybe he would be allowed to visit... sans Jean. He might just tear that fucker's throat out if he had the chance "Ok. As long as you're ok with it, then I'll... be ok with it" "Don't worry. I'm not rushing to have them over. Don't give me that look. Your expression said it all" "I might just kill Jean if I see him" Eren swayed, before shaking his head. Fuck. He should have picked his words better. Taking a deep breath, Eren brought himself back under control "You can't do that. Marco's pregnant again" "Again? Haven't they heard of condoms?" "He smelt like it" "How old's Mina now?" "Uh... I think she was born in... November? No. We went on holiday in November. I can't remember, but like 10ish months? It's halfway through September... She looks so much like Marco" "Lucky girl. I wouldn't curse my worst enemy with Jean's looks" Eren giggled "That's harsh. I want our pup to look like you" "I know... but I've seen your baby photos, and I've seen you grow. I would be the luckiest alpha in the world if our pup looked like you" Eren blushed "Aren't you already the luckiest alpha in the world? My throbbing arse says you are" Eren's comment went straight to his dick. It was hard to believe he could still get hard enough how many times he and Eren had indulged in each other's bodies. Clearing his throat, his voice was slightly husky as he replied "Listen here, brat. If you keep that up, the nursery is never going to be done" 22 weeks may be too soon to start preparing the nursery, but it had now been months since he'd suggested it. He wanted to give Eren the chance to change his mind if he wanted, and wanted to give them enough time that they wouldn't be rushing to put everything together. What he'd read online said it was common for omega's to even nest in there when close to their due date. This was their first child. He didn't want to fuck up. That's why he'd chosen to go shopping before cleaning out the room. They could spent today and tomorrow making sure every purchase was just right "I'm just saying..." "And I'm just saying that I love you" "You love me enough to ruin my arse?" "And your breasts, and your mouth..." Eren playfully punched him on the shoulder "It's not my fault everything you do feels... good" "I know this pregnancy hasn't been easy, but... you've really opened up over being intimate" "I still can't... on my own. But with you, I want it. Only with you" "Does it bother you when I touch myself?" Eren's blush deepened "It... it's hot" He hadn't been aiming for a reply, but Eren's mumble was cute "I'm just teasing you" "You're an arsehole, old man" "Yeah. Anyway, baby shopping?" "Shopping for our pup. Not quite baby shopping. I think one is going to be hard enough" "Alright, brat. Point taken" "Good. If you behave, I might be persuaded to give you a treat" "I don't know if I can behave" "Then no treat for you. Come on, I want to get all the soft stuff first. I want to make sure it's all washed and sorted" Eren bopped him on the nose with the tip of his pointer finger. His warm scent rolling over Levi like the fresh rains of a storm, barely a note of anxiety to it. He was so fucking proud of him, even if he was a little shit. Walking a few steps ahead, Eren didn't realise Levi was still rooted to the spot, momentarily stripped of basic functions as rush of love filled his gut with warmth. Why the fuck hadn't he just proposed? Eren knew exactly what he wanted, that was one of the joys of actually going shopping with him. Though pregnant, he wanted to just get in, get everything they'd settled on, and get out... Then they hit the baby clothes. Getting Eren more maternity clothes had been easy. Soft and comfortable yoga pants and stretch belted jeans, couples with a few long sleeved shirts and bras that converted to nursing bras. Baby clothes sent his omega into while different kind of panic. Eren had picked up a soft fleece onesie and broken down. He wasn't crying, but his scent was definitely troubled and everything he picked up, he placed back "Eren, what's wrong?" Placing his hand on his stomach, Eren turned to him. His bright eyes filled with pain "Do you think I deserve to keep this baby?" "What do you mean?" "I... I don't know if I deserve this baby anymore... Levi... what do I do?" "You tell me what's going on, and we figure this out together" "I... my dad... he did something... It was horrible, Levi" Reaching out, Levi took Eren by the arm, gently pulling him close "You're not your father" "He... he took babies from omegas. How many omega's lost their pups because of him... 10 years... hundreds of omegas, Levi. And then he just dies. He dies. He... How do I live with that?" Hushing Eren softly, Levi nuzzled his neck "You live by loving our pup with everything you have" "Why? Why should I get to keep my pup, when they didn't?" "Because you weren't the one to take their pups away. That sin. That sin is a stain on your father, not you" "The sins of the father are inherited by the son" "That's a load of shit. I don't even know my fucking father and I, sure as hell, am not going to start cleaning up his shit. You're not him" "But Levi..." "No. This pup. This pup is ours. You're allowed to want this and to be happy. What he's done, it's not ok. And I will tell you as many times as you need, you will be an amazing mother. You're allowed to be happy and to love this pup" "I feel so guilty. Looking at all this. It's like... they never got to do this with their babies" "That's because the world is shit. They treat omega's like shit and walk all over them to make themselves feel better. It's not fair. To them or to you. I love you, and when you're ready to tell me more, I will listen" Grisha could go choke on a bag of dicks... or maybe a sack of balls, seeing he obviously didn't have a set. What kind of fucked up shit had the man done? And why the fuck... No. he just had no words for him "I don't want to remember, but how do I forget?" "I don't know. I love you, ok?" "I love you too, Levi. I... think maybe we... I don't know..." "We can go home, if you want? Or we can get a few more things. Or we can get the furniture? Whatever you want to do" "Can we do furniture? This is just..." "You don't have to explain. I understand" "I really... I don't even know what I'm saying now" "You're saying how much you love me, and how we're going to order way too much food when we get home. You're going to take a bath, and..." "How do you do that?" "Do what?" "Love me, so easily. No matter what I say" "It's your arse. I... love your arse. I was born gay, just to be with your arse. I'm not giving that arse up to anyone" Eren sighed at him, nuzzling and kissing his hair as Eren's hand found his "Why am I bonded to you?" "Because you love me" "Oh... I forgot about that" "Shitty brat. Eren, thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me" "It seems like I'm pretty much stuck with you, not matter what I do" "You're only just working that out?" "I didn't go to school, remember?" "As long as it's not my fault that it's taken this long to realise that" "No... No. You... You're my strength, Lee. Coming home to you, that's the only thing that kept me going. I love you" "I love you, and I think this is getting too mushy for a shopping trip" "You're probably right. I never really realised how small baby clothes actually are" "It'd be a bit weird if you just gave birth to a full grown adult" "Don't go giving him ideas... I'm already scared about the labour" "You'll be fine. I'll be with you" "Yeah... as long as he doesn't get ideas about coming too soon" "Don't go jinxing it" "I'm not. You're the one giving him ideas" "I can't help it. I never thought I'd be a father. I never even thought I'd find a mate, or have a family. This is all your fault" "My fault? I'm pretty sure you said you were born gay to be with my arse" "It doesn't sound romantic when you say it" "It's not romantic at all. At least, not to anyone butt me" "Did you just...?" "Maybe. What are you going to do about it?" "Just you wait until we get home. I'll be happy to show you just how much I love that arse of yours" "Fuck. I'm slick as it is..." "All the more reason we should grab what we planned and get home. You've turned me into a horny old man, who can barely keep it in my pants" Eren paused as he moved to step towards the shopping trolley "Do you... do you really find me that attractive? I... kind of just... feel fat" "I found you beautiful before you even fell pregnant, and I can honestly say I find you just as beautiful now" "Even though I look like this?" "There is nothing wrong with the way you look. And if anyone dares say otherwise, I will bash the ever living shit out of them" "Really?" "I promise" "Then I suppose we should get you home" * Their playful banter had helped distract Eren from his guilt. His omega had perked up when they'd moved towards furniture, only to deflate again until Levi started teasing him again. He'd never thought Eren would be subjected to the harsh reality of those who used and abused omegas. Not after Zeke's death. Knowing the cause of Eren's depression made things much more understandable, while the strength of Eren's trust in him was a little terrifying. With his omega rejecting the pup, and his guilt over carrying, the fact Eren hadn't done something extreme like aborting it, only served to weigh heavily on his mind. Eren kept going through the pregnancy because he knew how much he wanted it. That was all Levi could put it down to. His omega who'd so desperately wanted this child, hadn't thought to get rid of it, because he didn't want to hurt him. Sure, now that his omega had evened out, his moods had improved, but it must have been fucking hard for Eren to keep that inside. He'd probably only confided in Krista... They were lucky to have found such an understanding therapist, and one that Eren could vent to. Returning home from shopping, they headed up to the apartment. The larger items of furniture were being delivered the following day, while the car seat and the majority of the bedding was still in the car. Eren having slowly run out of steam and needing a nap. Lunch leaving his lover seemingly more exhausted than before they'd started eating. Letting Eren in first, his omega made to the sofa before sinking down onto it, automatically going to curl up on it, only to stop before his shoes touched the cushions. Waving his arm at him, Eren groaned "I'm coming" "My feet are too far away. This wouldn't have happened if you'd let me get away with no shoes" "No. You'd be taking a shower if you weren't wearing shoes" "So mean. I don't think you understand fat and swollen feet at all" "Your feet aren't fat" "They feel fat. I feel fat" Draping his waving arm over his face, Eren sighed dramatically "I'm beached" "Hi, beached..." He didn't even get to finish his sentence before Eren was throwing a cushion at him "Please, Levi. Just... help" Closing the apartment door, Levi decided everything down in the car could wait. Placing the bags of Eren's clothes down by the sofa, he squatted down to free his omega of his shoes. Eren moaning the moment his feet were both free "Thank you... I have no idea how full term people walk around or wear high heels" "I honestly don't either. Do you want to nap here? Or in bed?" "Bed. I want cuddles" "Cuddles or sex?" "Cuddles during sex?" Laughing to himself, Levi moved to lift Eren from the sofa "Cuddles during sex?" "I don't know. Why am I so sleepy?" "Because you had a big day" "I don't feel like I did" "You did, and you did good. You told me when you reached your limit" "I feel like my limit isn't good enough" "Eren, trust me. You did good" "I trust you, but I'm still gonna disagree" "I bet if you told Krista, she'd agree" "We are literally about to fuck or snuggle. I don't wanna think about anyone else" Sitting Eren down, Levi helped him out his jacket and dress, then bra. Eren flopped back as if in defeat, lifting his arse to be free from his yoga pants "Eren, how would you feel about topping?" "Topping what? Like ice cream topping?" "Me" "Levi. My brain is like... already shut off... I'm sorry. I can't think" Stripping Eren down, Levi was far less careful when it came to his own clothes. Slick had soaked his boyfriend pad and underwear, leaving them almost sodden. Something that should have revolted, and once would have. Now it just had him itching to mount his mate. Propping himself up, Eren smiled at him "You're so fucking sexy" "Says the guy oozing slick" "Mmm, but that's your fault. And I notice you left my bra on. Do you love my breasts that much?" "You have no idea what I want to do to them" "Oh, is that right? Maybe you show me" "I thought you were sleepy" "There's no way I can sleep after looking at your dick" How could Eren possibly be so shy about masturbating, then sprout something like that? "Is that so?" "It'd just be cruel to make you sleep like that" Pushing himself up to sitting, Eren pulled him closer. His dick brushing over his omega's breasts "Fuck, brat..." "You could take the bra off?" "Mmm. I could, but then what would I do with your breasts?" "I don't know... but I think I want to" "I have an idea, but I want you to know I'll stop if you don't like it, or it feels uncomfortable" "I want to try more with you..." "Eren. I need to hear you say it" It was probably pathetic, but every time they tried something knew, or if Eren didn't initiate it, he still wanted to hear that it was really ok. Eren hadn't had a full blown panic attack from sex since falling pregnant, but he had had a few moments when Levi had needed to step back and let his omega calm back down, even if Eren hadn't noticed them "Levi, if it's too uncomfortable, it'll tell you" "Thank you" Freed from his bra, Levi now had a firm hold of Eren's breasts, pushing them together as he massaged them firmly. Moaning, Eren's legs were spread wide as Levi slowly rocked up against his boyfriend. His erection was trapped between the soft warm flesh of Eren's developing chest, with each trust making Eren mew. He hadn't been sure Eren would into this, but the constant stimulation seemed to be driving him wild, as Levi's desire to cum across Eren's face and chest grew. He'd never thought he'd into titty fucking his boyfriend, but it was fucking hot, especially when Eren slid one hand down to start jerking himself off. Building up a constant rhythm, he felt the tell tale feeling, knowing he was going to come all too soon "Eren, can I come?" "My mouth... I want to taste you" "Are you sure?" "Please alpha... let me taste you" Keeping his hand on Eren's right breast, he used his left to guide himself into Eren's eager mouth. His omega immediately hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head. Shit. Eren's technique had him weak the knees "Eren..." Nodding around his erection, Eren's eyes met his. That was it. He was gone. His orgasm hitting hard enough for left knee to give out. Awkwardly half kneeling on the bed, he pulled out Eren's mouth as his mate started to choke, coming down Eren's lips and chest, as his lover's come hit his leg. Panting, Levi's head dropped forward, still coming as he tried to catch his breath. No one but Eren had ever made him come this fucking hard, it was seriously verging on ridiculous and felt like what he imagined a volcano erupting would feel like. For some reason that escaped him, it seemed like he came more now that Eren was pregnant. Almost like he was trying to get him pregnant all over again. Milking the last few drops free, he dropped down onto the bed, next to Eren who looked just as fucked as he was. Looking to his mate, Eren caught his eye before starting to laugh "What?" "That felt... kind of amazing" "You're laughing because it felt good?" "And because you have to help me clean up. I think I'm just going to fall asleep like this" "Give me a minute. I popped half a knot" Rubbing his dick, Eren rolled towards him "I'm so not up for kissing it better" "Says the guy covered in my come, and groping me" "Mmm. I just want to touch you. I want to remember every inch of you" "Oh?" "Mhmm. Especially these 9 inches" Leaning in, Eren's lips still held traces of the cinnamon and sugar from the donut he instead on having for lunch. The slow kiss slowly grew more hungry, Eren moaning into his mouth as he release his hold to climb into Levi's lap. Not wanting to break the kiss, Levi pushed himself up, Eren's stomach big enough to make things uncomfortable for him if he hadn't. Breaking the kiss, Eren whined as Levi started to stiffen beneath him. Rolling his hips, Eren started to ride him slowly, one hand on his stomach to keep his balance. With slick pooling in his lap, Levi let out a growl, his dick demanding to be inside their mate instead of just fucking him between his cheeks. Taking hold of Eren's arse, he lifted him enough to line up, the omega so wet and aroused that he could slowly sink into his heat without causing too much pain. It had probably helped that Eren was also still loose from that morning. Topping from the bottom, he held Eren's hips down as he thrust up, placing Eren's pleasure and comfort above his own. With each thrust, more come would dribble from the omega. Having just come, Levi took his time in reducing Eren into a fevered mess. Loving the way he moaned and mewed so sweetly just for him. As Eren's breathing grew more ragged, he started to clench and ripple, his orgasm close, but knowing another orgasm would leave him boneless, Levi lifted Eren, keeping just the tip buried inside as he flipped them over. Spreading his knees wide, his pace grew hard, the sound of squelching slick and wet skin against wet skin as he rode Eren through his orgasm and into his own, coming with a deep and almost primal snarl. Beneath him, Eren's eyelashes fluttered, Levi's heart stopping for a moment. Worried he'd hurt his mate he reached to cup Eren's cheek, before rubbing a soft circle with the pad of his thumb "Eren? Hey. Eren, can you hear me?" His mate didn't smell pained, nor did he feel pain from their bond. From what he could tell, Eren had passed out as soon as he'd come. He'd expected bonelessness, not outright passing out, though Eren had been exhausted. Climbing onto the bed was awkward, the position he ended up in wasn't exactly the best for collapsing into after sex, but he'd rather not cause any unnecessary discomfort for Eren. Resting his cheek against Eren's swell, he peppered kissed to Eren's stretch mark spotted skin. He knew Eren applied vitamin E cream to each stripe almost religiously, but he loved the marks. He didn't care if Eren's stomach never returned to being perfectly smooth. Pregnancy was changing Eren's body in so may ways, and other than his rank farts, Levi had no problems with it all. When Levi's knot finally deflated, he pulled from Eren. Given the fact his boyfriend had started to snore, he was pretty sure he hadn't hurt him. Retrieving a warm towel from the bathroom, Titan had appeared in his absence. Sitting on Eren's pillow, he scowled at Levi as he started to clean Eren down, as if blaming him for the current lack of cuddles. Making sure his boyfriend was as come free as he could be, Levi them grabbed a fresh pad and pair of underwear for Eren, getting him redressed and settled on his side of their bed. He'd completely forgotten the sheets were still a mess from that morning, so he'd settled Eren on the top sheet as it'd come through relatively clean, then grabbed a few of Eren's other blankets out the wardrobe to cover him with. Chucking Eren's clothes in the wash, he forced himself to shower. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with Eren, but his mind niggled at him, reminding him of the shopping waiting in the car. Eren was soundly asleep, and sorely needed it, giving him plenty of time to head down and retrieve everything. * Eren was in a forgiving mood. Actually, he was in the best mood he'd been in since bonding with Levi. Confessing his and his father's sin to his alpha may not have been planned, but it felt like the crushing tightness in his chest had eased. Levi had said it was ok to love his pup and to be happy. That what his father did wasn't his fault. It was completely different hearing it out loud, and from the alpha he loved so deeply. He could have told himself the exact same thing until he was blue in the face and he never would have believed it for himself. Having fallen asleep during sex, he'd woken to Levi cuddles. His alpha reading while playing absentmindedly with his hair. Eren couldn't help the rush of affection he felt every single time he looked to his mate. When he'd realised Levi wasn't going to propose any time soon, saying he was crushed was the understatement of the century, but gradually he settled back down, realising that perhaps Levi was planning something special and needed time to do so. He'd vowed to himself not to say anything, not after subjecting Levi to some of the foulest moods he'd ever experienced. Like seriously, who the fuck just throws a dozen eggs at their partner. It wasn't Levi's fault he didn't remember. His alpha worked his fucking arse so that they could live such a comfortable life. His own inheritance had been delayed due to the ongoing investigation into his father by Floch. Though he may have neglected to mention to Levi that man had called to tell him that. Levi would worry himself sick over it all. His alpha used to claim he was terrible at words, but every single word that came from Levi's lips was with love. Even when he'd had a horrible day at work, and was all broody and scowly, if he accident snapped he'd apologise right away. With the help of Levi, he'd showered and dressed, before his lover settled him down on the sofa in the living room. Levi so insistent on helping, he'd had to shoo him out so he could go to the toilet. Pregnant people peed a lot... like.... a lot. Equal parts impressed and annoyed, he eyed the organised mess spilling of their living area. While he'd been sleeping, Levi had moved all the new things for the pup to his room, and dragged everything out the spare room alone. With the smell of vinegar in the air, he could tell his alpha would have scrubbed the spare room from top to bottom already. Levi had once explained that vinegar kills mould, while bleach only serves to bleach it. Maybe it was the expectant mum in him, but the idea of the nursery stinking of bleach made his stomach roll. He wanted to be able to work in there, without worrying about the smell sending him scrambling for the toilet. Passing him his phone, Levi ruffed his hair on his way pass to the kitchen. Opening his Facebook up, he found himself doing something he never thought he would. First unblocking Armin, then adding him and the woman called Mikasa on his friends list. His father had told him how close they'd been, and with Levi's words of how he wasn't his father's sin or whatever it was, echoing in his mind. He sent them both friend requests, before placing his phone down and snatching up the TV remote. He'd expected to maybe feel some slight nerves, but he was just too happy to. When Levi joined him on the sofa, Eren sank into his warmth. He might be a horny shit, but cuddles felt even better. His alpha scent of warm free tea with the lingering touches of his body was had his omega internally purring. Starting to nibble at the sandwich Levi had made, his stomach rolled before rumbling "I'm not surprised you're staving" "I honestly feel like I haven't eaten in years" "That's because yesterday all you had was a glass of milk and lunch" "Yesterday?" "It's about 2 am. You slept for a solid 12 hours" "I don't feel like I have. Why didn't you wake me?" "Because making a baby takes a lot of energy. You needed the rest, especially when you didn't seem to have any nightmares" "I can't remember dreaming... I can't believe I fell asleep during sex" "You managed to scare the fuck out of me. I had a feeling you'd be tired, not that you'd pass out and start snoring" Eren's face dusted red with embarrassment, whining as it did. Levi was supposed to be nice to him! "Don't worry. I'm not mad" "I am. I didn't get my after sex cuddles" "No, but you're having cuddles now. You're not too sore, are you?" "No... my hips are, and my back, and feet, and my shoulders, and I feel bloated... I think I just want cuddles instead of sex" "I was thinking we could sort the boxes?" The things Levi decided to keep were going to be stored at Hanji's house, seeing she owned her own home, and had the space in her garage for them. Erwin had offered to help, but Levi had shot him down "Mmm. Ok. Let me sit up, and where's Titan?" "He was in your room. He wasn't happy I stripped our bed down" "Titan!" "You're supposed to be eating" "I'm still eating. I'm just worried about my fur baby" There was the soft but solid thud of Titan's paws as he came running, leaping up to settle on the sofa, then immediately trying to get to Eren's sandwich "You should have left him sleeping" "But then I couldn't have shared with him" "You're not sharing with him" Titan meowed at him, one large paw coming up to hover just short of Eren's plate. His big eyes stared up at him, silently begging "Leeevi. How am I supposed to say no now?" "I'll give him a tin of cat food. Just finish your sandwich" Titan was a cat who's love was easy to buy. The moment Levi cracked the top of the tin of cat food, the tom was racing off to the kitchen. Finishing his sandwich, Eren placed the plate down with a pout. He wanted Titan cuddles, and Levi cuddles. Now his boyfriend was hefting a box up onto the coffee table and Titan was too busy eating "I think this box is mostly clothes" He knew he said he'd be there for Levi as he did this, but now he was getting nervous. He was terrible at comforting Levi and making him feel better. He never knew if he was saying the right things or making it all a hundred times worse. Tipping the box onto its side, Levi joined him back on the sofa. Pulling off the tap over the top as it did and sending a whole bunch of things cascading onto the floor "Yeah... clothes..." All of Isabel and Farlan's clothes seemed to have been second hand. Isabel had tried to patch them the best she could. Digging to the bottom, Levi wrinkled his nose in clear disgust "There's nothing worth saving in here" "Are you sure?" "Don't get too close, the bottom layers are mouldy" "Can't you just wash them?" "Mould stains. Even if I did, it wouldn't be worth it. I should have gone through these sooner" His boyfriend sounded bitter, Eren whining softly as he placed his hand on his arm "I'm sorry" "No. No, it's my fault. I don't even know how the mould got in. Something must have been wet. It's my fault" "It's not your fault..." Levi huffed, brushing him off as he rose and moved the box next to the door. The next four boxes were mostly clothes, but they were used to wrap more interesting things. Small photo frames, tea cups, plates, glass figures and chipped Christmas ornaments were carefully unwrapped. Eren couldn't help himself as he collected each photo frame carefully. Levi sighing heavily as he leaned over to explain where they were in each of them. Seeing Isabel's bright smile and Farlan's faked scowl, his heart ached. Levi looked so young and happy with them. Like... genuinely happy. The smile on his lips completely unguarded, not a single wrinkle of grey hair to be seen... He knew his boyfriend was drop dead sexy, but fuck... He fell in love with him all over again, and desperately wished there'd been a way to meet Levi back then. The frames were carefully put aside. The mould had gotten in between the photo and glass in some of them, but apparently there was a way to get them restored. Levi wanted to bin the ornaments and figured, but Eren wasn't having it. Carefully saving them for storage at Hanji's, and the three badly hand painted baubles with Levi's, Isabel's and Farlan's name on them. They were definitely going on the tree this year. It The way Levi joked about how much Isabel loved the "shitty things" was all he needed to know. Levi wasn't quite ready to get rid of them, even if he said so. It didn't matter to him if once they were in storage never they saw them again, as long as they were safe for a day when Levi might want to. The box that really broke Levi was Isabel's books. Like everything else, it may have been second hand, but her books. They were something special. Crammed full of notes and slips of paper, the woman's passion clear. Levi's scent turned troubled, emotional pain infecting him through their bond "Levi" The book in Levi's hands started to shake due to his alpha starting to tremble "I bought her this book. Actually, I stole it for her. She'd worked so hard to save for it, but Farlan needed a fucking doctor and medication... Before you give me that look, we were back in high school. This was her first new book on birds. She'd stared at it for hours... and it wasn't like I didn't have the money. You do what you need to, you know. But they took one look at me and refused to serve me. I had the fucking money in my hand, but... they weren't having it. With Farlan being sick, it was the last straw. I waited until the clerk was busy, then I bolted. It was fucking worth it though. She was so happy. She read it over and over... Even at college, with all the new big and better books she could use, she still carried this one. Farlan would joke she loved her book more than him" Levi let out a shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair "Fuck. Sorry. I need a drink" "I'll get you one..." They still had a couple of boxes left to go through... but with how distressed Levi seemed to be, he wanted to do everything he could to calm his alpha and be there for him "No. It's ok. You stay here" Patting him on the knee, Levi took the book with him. The alpha first disappearing into their bedroom, then to the kitchen. Sitting back on the sofa, Levi had apparently drained his drink in the kitchen. His alpha looking at the neat pile of books with pained eyes. Climbing into Levi's lap, he wrapped his arms around his alpha. Nuzzling into his hair, in the hope of providing comfort "Eren... just... not now" Pushing him off, Eren was confused. He was only trying to make Levi feel better. He wasn't kissing him, or trying anything sexual. He simply wanted to comfort Levi. His omega was just as confused. Their mate was sad. He didn't like his mate being sad "I just wanted to hug you" "I think I want to finish this alone. Why don't you go to bed?" He wasn't tired... and he thought Levi wanted to do this together? Besides, barely talked about Farlan... he wanted to hear more about him "I don't mind..." "Sorry, Eren. I want to do this alone" "I..." "Go to bed..." He was trying to tell Levi he loved him, and if he changed his mind to just let him know... and now he being sent to bed like a kid. He knew it wasn't easy for Levi to talk to about Isabel and Farlan, but he'd opened up to him about his father... and about Zeke, and his mum. So why didn't Levi want to tell him anything? Didn't his alpha trust him? Eren didn't sleep well that night. He'd returned to their room, only to find he needed to pee. He didn't want to upset Levi by walking around the apartment, so tried to sleep it off. It didn't work. Creeping from their bedroom to the bathroom, he was just as "ninja" as he crept back. The bottle of scotch had made it from the kitchen to the coffee table, while Levi was patting Titan. The cat purring with his usual rumble. So Levi didn't mind Titan making a fuss over him... as long as it wasn't his pregnant mate. Feeling pathetically jealous of Titan, Eren returned to their bed. Levi hadn't even remade it... getting fresh sheets would mean leaving the room again, and he didn't want to do that. All he could do was grab one of his blankets from Levi's wardrobe and make sure he was completely covered by it. The cold plastic of the mattress protector sticking uncomfortable to his skin when he slipped his hand under his pillowcase free pillow.. which was covered with a gross feeling fabric protector. He was cold and uncomfortable, the pup spinning flips from the feel of it. Closing his eyes, it was hard not to feel like he didn't even belong in their apartment. Still just as cold as when he'd gone to bed, Eren crept out when things went silent. He'd managed to doze off at some point, waking up, Levi had been swearing. He'd been tempted to go help him, but several loud thuds followed, then some of the more colourful language he'd ever heard. Scared by his mate, he'd sunk from their bed to the floor, curling up in the corner of the room as he'd tried to hide under his blanket. Emerging to find the living room cleaned, Levi was passed out on the sofa with Titan on his chest. The bottle of scotch was empty, the lone item left out from the night before. Even the boxes to go down to the dumpsters were gone. Hurt over the fact Levi hadn't even bothered coming to bed, he'd been tempted to leave him sleeping without blanket. The apartment was fucking freezing, his toes growing numb... Fuck. He couldn't just leave Levi like this. Retrieving the blanket he'd used, he draped it over Levi and Titan, Titan giving him a glare, but not bothering to move. If Levi could go ahead and do things for the nursery without him, that must mean it's ok for him to do the same? After all, the nursery was the whole reason Levi was home. It sure as hell wasn't to spend time with him... No. No. He wasn't going to do this. Levi hadn't really done anything wrong. He'd just needed space to process everything. It wasn't like his alpha didn't give him all the space he needed... and then some... Dragging all the shopping from his room and into the nursery, that was the end of his will power. He didn't want to do any of this alone. He couldn't do anything anyway, they didn't have the furniture yet. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to go back to Levi's room and sleeping alone held no appeal... Things without Levi were boring... Wandering back to Levi, Titan had abandoned him. Levi had turned to his side, his leg hanging off the side of the sofa in a way that looked highly uncomfortable. His stomach might be slightly bigger than the photos on google, but he was sure he could lift Levi. He didn't want to leave him on the sofa. Dragging the coffee table back enough to make space, Levi was too out of it to know. His alpha even stank of scotch... lifting Levi, his alpha groaned at him "Let me sleep" "Shut up, or I'll drop you" Scowling up at him, he'd woken Levi... but he'd come too far to back out. He'd managed to even get him completely off the sofa... Fuck... Levi better appreciate this "Just put me down" "Not an option right now. You're going to bed you drunk" "Eren..." "Shut up. I'm mad at you. You didn't even make the bed. Do you know fucking cold it is?" "You're freezing" "And you're doing that things where you're talking and I don't want you to" Levi let a giggle. An actual fucking giggle. He wished he'd recorded, because there was no way anyone ever believe he had. Dumping him down on his bed, his boyfriend flipped him off before crawling under the covers and patting the space beside him "Get down here brat..." Climbing under the covers, Levi rolled and clung to him. Pulling him flush and nuzzling into his nape "Mmm. 'm sorry. I'm a jerk" "You are. You left me freezing" "Fuck..." Placing his cold hand on Eren's stomach, Eren gasped as he tried to escape, Levi's hold making it impossible "You arsehole" "Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone, again" The playfullyness of Levi's drunken state was gone, his alpha sounding so fucking lonely that Eren forgot he'd been trying to escape "I'm not leaving you" "Don't want to lose you, brat..." "You won't. I love you" Levi huffed, Eren copping a blast of scotch breath. He'd thought his alpha was going to say something else... only, Levi started to purr instead. Eren had no idea that alpha's could even purr. Fuck. He needed his phone. Not only a giggle but a purr... he needed Levi to get drunk more often.