#going to apologize at all he was doing what Owen does best and then theres just that one bit of him going ''kishisama?''

[aria0fgold]

There's this new trend happening in the former bird app where people show how long it'd take for a character to apologize by drawing the head and a line connecting to an apology at the end. And honestly, I'm not good at keeping up with trends but this one is fairly easy to do so!

Good timing too cuz I've been thinking bout the scenario of Alec and Ray arguing so I took this chance to do my own spin on the trend!

Also this is what Ray said for easy reading (and for better viewing cuz it's pretty hard to do bold and italic on a single word in ibis):

"Can't you be a little selfish for once?! Can't you at least just THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT CARES ABOUT YOU?! Think about your parents! Think about your siblings! THINK ABOUT ME! IT! HURTS! Every single time you go to who knows where, it hurts! My chest tightens so much and my mind is filled with so much worry at whatever the FUCK you're doing and I don't! I don't even know where you are, WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

And the thought of opening that damn door to someone telling me you're in critical condition or worst yet-- dead-- HURTS! SO MUCH!"

[geekkatsblog]

GREY'S ANATOMY 16X15 REVIEW

Wow, is the first thing that comes to mind with that episode, it's the first one I enjoyed so much in years. It wasn't like the old Grey's good, but I certainly enjoyed it. Now with that being said, onto the reviews.

The craziest ones first.

_________________________________________

Deluca

Oh boy, where do I start?........ Deluca ran out in a blizzard to have collect a liver WITHOUT GLOVES and ended up with frostbite. He is currently clearly having some mental issues and I hope that they're able to treat that soon before he's fired. Sure, he saved a kid's life and before that he saved Suzanne's life but what happens when his luck runs out? His hands are going to be out of commission for a while and I hope that he gets some help by then because something is definitely up with him and the way he's acting with the people around him is becoming harsh, which means the problem is getting worse.

_________________________________________

Meredith/Dr Haynes

Lumping them into one section seeing that were together for most of the night. Haynes is definitely enjoying having conversations with Meredith. In a way if they were to get together this would be the best way to do it. Too many relationships in Grey's start with sex first talk later and it worked for Meredith with Derek but it didn't for pretty much everyone else in the show, not everything is like the Mc Dreamy situation.

Must admit I enjoy the interactions but, I'm still not at shipper level yet. The bonding over their past spouses and raising kids ......☺☺☺. He had me going at first when he said Christina never mentioned Meredith, but turns out she just calls her the twisted sister, fair enough, I wouldn't be surprised if Christina had planned to set him up with Mer since the first time they spoke. On another note his passion for his patients is very admirable, hes not Alex Karev level yet. But I like him.

Meredith is trying with Deluca more than she did for Maggie when she was in her slump🤔🤨. She really has no plot right now, the show at this point might as well be called anatomy. She's trying to help Deluca, but only gets abuse in return, I really am praying that he is sick if not........😡🤬.

Then theres her and Haynes budding friendship. But that's pretty much all for Meredith.

_________________________________________

Jo and Alex

WTF, Alex better be dead or I'm going to be disappointed, he never even went to his mother's house and has been ghosting everyone......... excuse me what? I'm not seeing any proper valid excuse for the nonsense that is this plot. Why are they doing this? All of his progress is regressing. Next week is his final episode and it better have a valid explanation.

Jo is understandably a reck, I kind of enjoyed her sass though. I'm honestly confused. (Did he go after Izzie cause that would really be insane.) I understand they wanted to make it as painless as possible for Jo, but how is this better? She's heartbroken, they would have been better off if he'd died instead. I'm curious to know where the hell he is though.

But at least we got to see her have some support even if Link is a wreck as well.

_________________________________________

Teddy/Owen/Koracick

This story line definitely was the biggest WTF moment I was not expecting that from Teddy and more importantly the stupid Owen, Teddy, Koracick triangle starts again, but this time with a side of Amelia like OMG please stop🙄. Props to Teddy for being able to add up dates or having intuition or whatever her reason was for knowing. Although she could have discussed first instead of having pent up feelings that have now been released in the form of a huge mistake.

Poor Koracick at the end of the day Teddy and Owen will probably patch up the relationship and he'll be left once again heartbroken. I wish he had, had the strength to reject her. He's always the scape goat when her and Owen are having issues.

Owen, actually was being a good spouse and got cheated on but I guess Karma comes back around. He, just saved a baby and mom and asked Teddy If she wanted to ski for this episode. But I'm sure he's going to have a major storyline soon along with the others in this mess.

This love triangle just got even more complicated, especially if Amelia and Owen starts to catch feelings again.

_________________________________________

Richard

I'm actually perturbed by him tonight. Is he retiring? Better not be if he wants to stop preforming surgery, fair enough but he needs to be the intern director or something I can't have him leaving too after Karev, he can't give up too.

He found inspiration from a new intern. I thought she was going to be the new Dr Bailey for him. But nope she's not even a doctor. Her story was touching, but was she really going to cut into a patient with only barely having been in med school. How did she think that was going to work out? And poor Richard he was finally starting to get that teaching spark in his eyes again, only to find out she wasn't even a registered doctor. At the end he talked to her about never giving up, gives her his sethescop and says he no longer need it, like I said before they better not get rid of Richard as well, and where is Catherine? For someone who fought hard enough to buy a whole hospital for him to have to be around her, she sure is absent.

_________________________________________

Miranda Bailey

She spent the whole time helping Joey study for his GED and then took him on a tour of the hospital to see job options and it was just adorable, their banter is hilarious and is it me or is he going to be a surgeon. He was so interested in them saving the baby and the mom.

And as expected she has decided to adopt Joey however it happened like I didn't want it to..... really fast. So fast that she didn't even bother to inform her husband and I know Joey and Tuck were playing video games and getting along but does he understand that he's about to have a new brother?

I knew a Ben and Bailey fight was coming and I guess now it has (they've been too happy and no couple in Grey's stays happy for long. Luckily it seems like an easy fix.)

_________________________________________

Link

Link is ultimately depressed and it's sad because that means that he really did truly love Amelia,he should have taken some personal days as well because being depressed at work is never a good idea. I really hope that they aren't trying to set him up to be with Jo, I like their brother sister support system.

_________________________________________

Nico and Levi

Now I love my boy Levi, but sometimes I feel like being a surgeon is not for him. He fainted in the OR twice, cried when he had to give the patient bad news and then lost a patient, I hope he gets it together soon before he kills someone.

_________________________________________

Now as for his love life Idk what the hell happened. Nico took a 360 turn. Maybe he's bipolar as well, because I am lost. He's being such a douche, sure Levi's almost child like innocence and need to over share can be annoying at times but he deserves an explanation, he ditched his family for you because he pretended to be a fully open gay. The least he could do is give an explanation. Can't believe the way they're relationship is turning. I think this may be the beginning of the end for them. I hope not, they were good together.

_________________________________________

Jackson

Barely raised his head up from carrying on the work of Mark Sloan to fight with his new girlfriend Vic. Which I'm sure is not over they apologized but, that 2nd fight is coming soon.

_________________________________________

Maggie

No plot really besides being salty about no longer being chief, saving 2 lives, then confirming to Teddy that she's not crazy for thinking that Amelia's baby is Owen's and apparently giving her the courage she needed to cheat on Owen with Tom.

_________________________________________

Ending notes/ questions

• WHERE THE HELL IS ALEX?

• What's going to happen with the hot mess that is Teddy/Owen/Koracick/Amelia/Link.

• Is Deluca really mentally unstable and becoming like his dad? And is he going to be Ok?

• Is Richard retiring? (He better not be if his hand is shaking then fine stop surgery and teach instead, but you do not get to leave too Richard)

• Will Ben and Bailey come to agreement with adopting Joey? And will they agree to just him or adopt the others as well? (It seems strange that after the whole thing about having to keep them together they would just split them up and leave it like that.)

• What's going to happen with Meredith and her love triangle/not love triangle.

• Will they finally give Maggie's character something to do besides supporting people. She had like one or two 5 minute plot for like the past few seasons.

• What is wrong with Nico, he suddenly changed for the worst in 2.5 seconds and Idk where they're taking his character.

• Is Jo going to fall into the slump again like she did when she met her mother? I hope not. It's her time to shine now.

_________________________________________

Excited for next week's episode it's looking like Drama and emotions the whole episode. My favorite types.

[ifandomalot]

Fluff alphabet w/ Owen Grady

Attractive: (your most attractive feature to him and vise )

Owen's favorite part of you is your eyes. The both of you could be mid sentence, but not hearing a word. You have the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen in the world.

His chest. It's so broad and big, it's so fun to run your fingers down it, through the curly chest hairs.

Baby: (Does he want kids?)

He's a southern family man, he's always knew he wanted children ever since he was younger, but the moment just isnt right, especially with his job and the location.

But theres often nights, two of you spread across the bed and each other, talking about your future children, and baby names.

Cuddle: (How you cuddle)

Okay but owen is a cuddler, he likes being held, cuddling is a must at least once a day.

Cuddling is often owen laying down on the bed, your head against his chest, twirling the small curly hairs of his chest between fingers, listening to his heart thumping.

Dates: (Most dates are like..)

Most dates aren't anything special, due to the current living situation being the island left slim choices.

But somehow he would always find a way to make it special, it could be pizza, a movie or just a small walk for ice cream somehow it was turned into the most beautiful moments.

Everything: (You’re his everything)

Owen's soft finger dance across your cheeks, soaking in all the touch he could get. Eyes closed, small breaths falling from parted lips, he always loved how cute you look when you’re asleep. How pretty you looked when the sun would shine in between the curtains onto your face.

“You’re my everything.”

Feelings: (When he first realized he had feelings for you..)

It was pretty vanilla actually, you were an animal specialist at the park with an internship from school.

When another raptor was born you were sent to check if she was healthy, while pressing the stethoscope against her chest, a loud protective, "Who are you?"

You turned around nervous, not sure if you were in the right place, not wanting to mess up the one Job you were given, you looked at the brute man shyly. "I'm sorry am I not in the right place?"

All breath was knocked from Owen the moment you turned, greeted with a small shy smile, skimmed eyes. "I'm sorry sweetheart I didnt mean to scare ya."

Owen had what one would call love at first sight.

Gentle: (How gentle is he?)

Owen is a gentle as he can be. He's a working man, who honestly hasn't had the touch of a human in a while, sometimes hes a little rough which he'll apologize for over and over again.

For the most part he is very gentle never wanting to hurt you, only when you want of course tho.

Hand/Hold: (PDA)

If owen isnt holding your hand, or pressing his hand to the small of your back, it's not him.

Of course during working hours he'll keep it small, like a kiss goodbye or a kiss to the cheek.

At home he doesnt let you go, his hands and lips anywhere he can find.

Interest: (His interest in you..)

He always asks how your day went, what you did, or if he notices what is bothering you so much.

He always notices though, he will lay you down, fingers tangling your hair, "what happened today baby?"

Joker: (Funny stuff)

Together you and Owen are the biggest jokers around, always making fun of each other, laughing and telling jokes.

The prank wars are crazy, you two go to far on everything, water pranks and etc, you drive each other crazy but love it.

Kisses: (How he often kisses you…)

Owen is always kissing you.

His kisses are usually small but passionate and long.

He also has the tiny ones, against your forehead and cheeks, the ones from pure love.

Little Things: (A small thing he loves about you..)

Whenever you're confused, your head tilts

Memory: (Favorite memory of you..)

In the beginning of the relationship, only about 2 weeks in, owen was having a rough day with the Raptors, left his phone at home and on top of that, also forgot he had a meeting that he missed earlier in the day.

When he got home the main light shining through the windows. He lived alone..

He opened the door cautiously just in case of a home invader, but only was greeted with you sitting on his sofa, petting his golden retriever.

"I'm sorry." You mumble, "you weren't answering me, I thought you got eaten by the raptors."

A smile fills his features, just seeing you made the day seem worth it, that might have been the moment he knew he was falling in love with you.

"I wish they did at this point sweetheart."

Nickel: (Spoiling you..)

Owen wishes he could spoil you more, but he works with what hes got.

Not so much in money, but in affection. For no reason at all he'd draw you a hot bath, with candles and rose petals. It always makes you smile.

Or cook you your favorite meal.

Sometimes even letting you pick what to watch before bed. (which was a big deal for him)

Orange: (Favorite color..)

The color of your eyes, it was like any other, and will forever now be the only color he wants to see.

Petnames: (what he calls you..)

Owen usually calls you sweetheart or baby, sometimes babe (usually when hes in a lil mood)

You call him honey, hun, babe. You two rarely use each other names, only when you're mad.

Questions: (What he usually asks you..)

“How was your day sweetheart?” He never fails to ask you everyday, the moment he sees you after school, it always makes you smile.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you are?" Believe it or not but he says this at least once a week, he just likes reminding you.

Remember: (What does he remember?)

Owen forgets everything, you always texting him to remind him of small things, like doctor appointments, to get something at the store and etc.

He does remember special dates such as your birthday or anniversaries, also he tries extra hard to remember you saying you like or want something. Always guesses your shoe size and gets it right.

Sad: (What he does when he’s sad)

When owen is sad, he tends to push you away. He doesn't mean to but hes not good with feelings.

After a while he realizes that you're only worried, and will wrap his arms around you in a must needed hug.

Talking: (His talking..)

Peter doesn’t stop talking, it's nonstop. It's cute watching him ramble about stuff but sometimes you just want to choke him out because of it.

It could be serious or silly, he just wont stop even if you countlessly told him to shut up.

Untruth: (Truthfulness..)

Owen will always tell you the truth.

Even if he knows you dont want to hear it. He believes in sharing everything, and being truthful, expecting the same from you.

Volume: (Does he talk about you?)

He talks about you a lot

ACTUALLY ALL THE TIME

The person will literally be in another conversation and he'll still talk.

He just loves you and wants everyone to know.

Why: (Why he loves you..?)

Hes never met someone so full of adventure, and daring. You're so sweet to everyone, kindness it your best quality.

You're everything he could've hoped for in a girlfriend/wife.

X- Vision: (Does he know you?)

A word doesn't even have to be said, he can just tell by your face if something is wrong.

He knows you so well, he usually guesses what it is too (usually work)

You: (what you are to him…)

His life definitely wouldn't be the same without you, definitely not boring, seeing he lives on an island of dinosaurs, but very different.

You're his bestfriend, always there to talk, when he's sad or just had a long day.

You're his sunshine on a bad day

One person he shares everything with.

Zebra: (pets)

Obviously he loves animals. He loves his Raptors and his golden retriever Lucy.

You love animals as well and always ask for another puppy.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 5, 2019 // return of josh

oooookay folks! that's a wrap! below are my comments about tonight's ep + additional expansions on previously stated opinions. i'm not combining s2 ep 1 with this bc s2 is dead to me! so is s3! i only did this to gather up all these loose thoughts i had when this show with its one lonely season became such a comfort to me that i developed a second consciousness about it. but with these posts i am done! the evil is defeated! i will carry on through the 3rd and hopefully final season of nancy drew with less emotion and better spirits. thank god.

-"talk to owen" nancy firstly thinks of talking to owen only to see what happens w the agleaca; saying goodbye comes as sorta an afterthought mirroring tiffany's possession of george. yet nancy was unable to say goodbe to owen just like w kate. knowing this reveal about kate, i wonder if this was foreshadowing that something big will be revealed about him later? unlikely but still

-nancy + the reality of broken things: 'totems' like broken sand glass sculpture (good place) to show you it's not a dream; "owen broke that" ghost trap to ground him to reality, like how she reached for her locket in the good place, lucy's charm, ace's bear ('totems' idea borrowed from inception)

-george has never been an affectionate person, even with other women- so why does pda with nick suddenly become so important?

-lots of comments about ryan + women but what about carson/kate and karen? again with the hypocritical (interestingly, there is an aspect of violence to women connected with ryan (even though that violence is not his fault); but its not like kate or karen fared well either)

-ryan feels useless- relationships with women as stated by nancy- he seeks to redeem himself by showing up where nancy goes to prove he is good to have around/necessary/needed - but now that he is attempting to act as a parent he has to break through nancy's defenses all over again- firstly she didnt really consider him any kind of threat bc he comes off as incompetent- ie bad business deals- i think i mentioned last ep, their hauntings equalize them as they both attempt to gain peace by searching for answers but now ryan has changed the terms of engagement so he's back to square one, with carson. (which is how we find them s2 cowering in ryans car stalking nancy together)

-ryan's relationship to nancy exposes an interesting layer here. so far she doesnt know about nick/george but they still hold the cards (ie george gets one over on nick's ex/"the new girl") with the revelation of ryan being nancys father, nancy gains an interesting trump card in navigating the social fallout of being nick's ex. like george would take the new spot but then nancy comes out with george's ex in a much higher category. this plays out later on in the ep when george confronts ryan. george wants to talk about "them" but ryan shows up completely focused on nancy, thus illustrating the trump

-"i thought it was whitney with another insipid question" to me this sounds like whitney took bess's advice earlier about "asking aunt diana what she wants" (only to learn it actually annoyed the hell out of diana lmaoo)

-"then you need to fight for it" this hearkens nancy earlier by asking "arent you in by virtue of dna?" the test was positive; she is a marvin just like nancy is a hudson. thats not a fact that they can change. however, diana really acts like it can be changed- and in s2 we see it does change. its interesting for bess to be told to fight to be in a family she's already in and also foiled by nancy trying to fight her way out of her own family. would like to see bess stand up to diana and say something. i mean, she exists. as much as she may want to erase bess from the family, diana cannot erase her existence

-hannah's rolled up sleeves 💙

-"previous keepers records" -from s2- were those not her parents??

-mistaken murderers- everyone incorrectly assumes lucy was murdered just as they assume the agleaca killed owen

-even if owen weren't the price, how can they pay the toll without one of the people who called? i mean if it was anything other than owen and he still died they still wouldve been fucked

-"you don't need to check, i'm not even driving!" okay and giving up the goss. cassidy is me. lmfaoooo

-wonder if this locked marvin industries box will ever come back

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: george's confrontation with ryan comes waytoo late to do anything. i think i brought this up in an earlier post. its literally just her screaming at him now. like he is clocked out moved on. you know a good time for this scene? in the claw when he comes by to "check on her". hes vulnerable, fresh from rehab. and she has a chit over him for punching bookcases/the fuckin country club deal. therewould have been a perfect time to confront ryan on what happened- "what you did to me" okay sis. you admitted ep 1 you werent in hs anymore. youre of age now. admit you fucked up. take the L to force him to swallow the bigger L. and imagine how much more powerful the scene would have been- in george's domain, literally her own office, something ryan doesnt even have because HE DOESNT DO SHIT. ryan is SO EASY to trap but nobody notices. instead they have george try to get some kind of apology out of him when hes already done with that, and only for the sake of her establishing a new relaionship to boot. imagine how much more empowered she would feel if she just got that closure for herself- because she needed it, not so she could trot straight back to nick being all proud of calling a grown man to some random estate only to scream at him in a parking lot and have accomplished nothing. 🤦🏼‍♀️

-i get patrice thinking nancy is lucy but yeahhhhh this isnt how dementia works 😬

-i almost cant with nance and josh. how do you save your would-be murderer? (+ lucy's best friend and brother are in jail, her mom is lost to her mentally; all she has left is nancy and ryan)

-tbh i had no idea how to spell agleaca until bess said "theres no i in agleaca!" i thought it was igleaka like 😂

-damn how george just stares at nicks hand and then gets out herself is just so sad (like she immediately rectifies it but still...)

-"curiosity" part II; nancy who comes back to the sea after her mother died in it- agleaca drawn to lucy's trauma/to agleaca, lucy died fir "love"- would nancy be willing to risk the same? // this is also one of nancy's "mirroring mom" moments: winning sea queen, going to the velvet masque, getting caught by celia, having a "chat" with everett, and "falling" off the bluffs

-the collector ��👌🏻

-i wonder if there's any significance to the locations/means of their deaths; nancy's is pretty straight forward in terms of where and how, but why george and nick drowning, in the truck specifically? drowning in love? idk. ace's at the claw i get, but he gets himself caught? in what precisely? what does the fish hook mean? and bess's makes the least sense- burning alive? in the marvin estate? maybe the agleaca picked the most painful death for the marvin blood relation? idk. up for debate lmk ya thoughts

and lastly:

-i remember seeing this ending for the first time and i had just been traumatized by avengers endgame and since black widow is also a redhead seeing that shit at the bottom of the cliff it was like 😰😰😰 TOO SOON

-random thoughts-

these are just things i noticed, feel free to grapple with them or take note of them for extrapolation in s3 (lord knows i wont be) they probably belonged in recaps for previous eps but i either didnt find them in my notebook or couldnt fit them in

•nancy and truth/the perception of truth: using facts to suit theories instead of creating theories to suit facts- nancy often plays with the perception of truth and the details that fall between the steps; but she is also a victim to them by people who also know how to play the game (ie Carson) ex lying about the dress (tea cups and knives, trash got picked up, bail paid 1 hr ago) her inferences can be off from what others tell her ("people always lie") but she can also come to the wrong conclusions organically (carsons trial) more willing to believe the best in others/wanting them to be innocent (think nick ep 1) but later finding out the truths hurts more so she chooses to isolate herself and avoid involving others to be spared pain

•maybe i'm dumb, but who is "mr marvin" exactly? owen? the bald guy from the funeral? this comes from the guy who takes sailboats out like ep 4ish and says "ive worked for the marvins 20 years" she compliments the ship, he says "mr marvin and i just took her out this morning" so?? who is that? plus last ep just saying cassidy and isaac are her "late husbands children" dows thet mean sebastian? like did diana marry in? i feel like it would be odd for her to so embrace the "marvin way" if she wasnt a true born marvin

•ik college becomes a more s2 topic but none of the crew have ever been to college 🤔

•nick + the relationships with people whose reputations are tarnished: tiffany with investigating the hudsons/marvins, josh with murder/attempted murder, kate and 'stealing'/lying about nancy (esp compared to her almost preternatural kindness i mentioned before), george and her mom/family's reputations --> this kind of segues into nick + the concept of believing people you love could be capable of horrific things- accidental or on purpose (see- having to tell his family what happened)

•at the beginning, nancy kind of seems to be the "i'm sorry you're upset" kind of apologist and knows it. she also doesnt usually apologize earnestly bc shes never really sorry (she always has to get what she needs first ie coins mess) and she doesnt want to lie; to me it seems she doesnt like to bother with other people bc they require certain cues/niceties that are often lies- they ask "how are you" without meaning it, they dont really want an honest response except "fine", they dont like it when you call them out on fakeness, etc/ they require apologies for their bruised feelings even if youre right (and nancy can be pretty rude/nasty if provoked- a harshness unsoftened by sympathy)

•cont'd from the good place ep- since kate apparently means nothing to nancy anymore according to last ep ("stop calling her my mother") is her policy of "always seek the truth" now null and void? this mantra is now tainted bc the person who gave it to her broke it so much. can nancy disengage w it now? does she fall from grace to be complicit in "mysteries" of her own like everyone else? does she lose some of her "god-like" holier than thou act bc she is now literally born and raised in the "darkness" of sins/ugly truths like everyone else's? (ie truth is ugly but not to nancy, until now)

•did lucy disappear because her "murder" was finally solved? or simply because her trauma was addressed- she never meant to tell anyone about her suicide plans, the twisted trauma of which was too great to contain/unable to move on due to "sin" - or unable to move on because secret of nancy's parentage still remained? "lucy never wanted me to figure out how she died" she only wanted nancy to figure out her parentage without solving the mystery, yet did lucy see/witness nancy's revelation at the claw, or with carson, or even ryan? waiting for karen/josh to know? or just vanished?

•concept of imperfect mom figures- lucy, kate, celia, victoria, even karen- who all struggle with failings

•since karen dispelled one of lucy's attempts at nancy's haunting at the garden party, is that proof she isn't haunting karen?

•the crew + needing adult help: george's possession and victoria, club busted and owen, car accident and mcginnis, thom and cipher, larkspur lane and sal, bones and john, agleaca and hannah

•everett is always sitting- at his home office, at dinner, at yacht club (wonder if that was his actor + had to do with his recasting?)

-dad talk-

•both her dads think negatively on her "girl detective" thing but ryan sees use in it as a means to get answers, carson would never 'use' her in that way

•nancy + carson : suffering

"what about what i wanted?" + carson being imprisoned for weeks but she immediately rejects him (the DAY he gets his freedom no less) with no regard to his suffering (caused by herdiary!!) in regards to her own from this new knowledge (she does suffer a lot- "almost dying is my new normal" but still)/ the "thankless job" of parenting

•nancy + adults - connected to cop thing a few posts earlier : nancy is v precocious and smart for her age- she is "old enough" but also has trouble with the "adults" in her life- fathers, moms, karen, and cops letting her down but depends heavily on "adults" she cantrust- hannah gruen, john sander, lisbeth- highlighting her youth and occasional naiveté; nancy is unafraid to hold adults accountable for their actions (ie karen) but also loses them as allies along the way. both hannah and john are very nonthreatening and also experts in their fields, while her fathers and karen are revealed to be "just another brick in the wall" average, capable of mistakes, and not the people she expects them to be, while characters like john and hannah can only benefit nancy because either they do not mean as much to her or have no reason/nothing to gain by lying; they are purposefully shown to be small, demure, gentle, and nonthreatening as foils/opposed to karen, ryan, and josh whom she previously trusted; carson (+kate) is nonviolent as well but has the biggest betrayal which is perceived as an act of violence to her very personhood/shattering who she thought she was so she cannot be that anymore (admits truths to john "everytime i dig i hurt everyone" and hannah-agleaca) : unclear if redemption is possible for anyone :

•nancy bonds with carson over loss and then ryan over haunting. but actually, nancy rejects carson over loss bc she wanted to say goodbye and wasnt allowed to- so carson was with kate but nancy was not. nancy and ryan are more equals about haunting bc they both start around the same time and conclude together as well [nancy and ryan bond over thinking their parents conspired to kill lucy- think sitting on the floor at velvet masque] nancy is appreciated by ryan for her ability to get answers- he has no qualms about going through her/outside of police bc he wants results/instant gratification and thinks nancy is more so the expert in her field/respects her even through her age- once again acknowledging she is braver than he is (think lucy + claw parking lot) and her portent in the car freaks him out bc shes usually always in control, esp with him

•bc nancy was told "you can't be afraid of the truth" until she was / ironic bc shes braver than him except when the truth is they are related then she's scared to tell him while he actually starts to take some initiative

•nancy picked "the wrong person" to help her through her grief in her dad's eyes like her mom's best friend was somehow a better choice? carson truly "parents" nancy even during grief and haunting (which she rejects) whereas nancy and ryan are really equals in all their situations which is actually better for her and easier for her to maintain- nancy's expectations are low so anything that ryan gives is a bonus. nancy's expectations of carson were shattered by his lies so now she has nothing to connect with him about- they could barely even connect when sharing the same grief- carson actually very hypocritical hence nancy's upset at karen revelation yet carson doesn't agree bc hes the "adult" and shes the "child" not realizing she hadnt been one for a long time (hidden staircase perhaps?) whereas ryan better treats her with lack of controlling parental nature bc he is impressed with her competence before he receives that knowledge; "lucy was smarter than me too" acknowledging her intellect negates his ability to "parent" ie control her to leave him solely with caring about her wellbeing in her situations + aftermath - i honestly dont think carson would ever admit that shes smarter than him* bc he thinks shes not "all grown up" yet ("youve kept me on the bench for years"); ryan is more willing to meet her where she's at which is so important for all her good relationships - ace, owen, etc

*carson asks for nancy to figure out "who to trust" in ep 12, finally admitting that she is useful/ie acknowledging that her skills/abilities do help, are necessary, and can in fact save lives --> this is then s2 follow up by working for him (but it takes him that long)

•ryan/nancy/carson venn diagram - using sex to escape trauma

•if not carson vs ryan then what about celia and everett vs patrice (and josh)? at this point in the narrative, do you think ryan's parents would take his side should the knowledge become public (without their involvement), or deny nancy?

•"we were a family" + the disruption of family dinner- kate was really the one holding that family together and her death makes it unsustainable

okay!! that's all folks! i have exhausted my plethora of nancy drew thoughts + knowledge. you will never have to hear from me again!! TYSSM 😘

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 12 - “MADISON IS THE CANCER THAT NEEDS TO BE CUT OUT” - Ian

I had a 3 hour long call with Corey to debrief me on all the alliances he has been apart of getting made, the "Mighty Kids" meal or whatever they are calling themselves and the "Gayish" alliance, Corey, Madison, Kait, Thomas and Devon then Trace, Matt Corey and Madison respectively.  I love the information share. Corey is really buying what Madison is selling and that is quite obvious to me, that's a battle for another day, the first battle is getting Matt out to open the game up.  Corey told me that Madison really want's Timmy out next round but we discussed that it would not be ideal given the circumstances of numbers/alliances and our true game desires.  We need people that will vote against Matt, Again thank you Matt for working with me even though you're not for saying Corey is a threat. Check your game buddy.  The current plan is to take out Trace next round, bleed Matt, then take out Matt the next round. Ideally we make both these moves happen without burning any of our advantages but if we have to we will.  Trace burned me for Matt, he has to go. 

---

What I need to do is get all the "untouchables" working together, Maynor, Timmy, Cullan, and Chips. The people that aren't in those alliances that Corey told me about. The problem is how to go about it organically without blow back on Corey for me knowing that this group of people are who others have written off as a boot list.

Stephen going was sad but he was totally rude to Chips. Like idk. But it looks like im good standing right now. Theres an alliance with me Kait Matt Timmy and Owen. Which is great and Ian wants to work with me as well. Corey wants to watch each others backs. I feel like i can make it far just need to be really smart. Timmy and I working together is so great since our other 2 games we killed each other. This challenge is going alright. Its not that bad. Ive beat level one.

MADISON IS THE CANCER THAT NEEDS TO BE CUT OUT, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS TRIBE GOES THROUGH HER. EVERYONE BOUGHT WHAT SHE WAS SELLING. I'm about to fully embrace that every vote Madison gets this season is going to be mine, the Topaz idol is switched back to be wanting to be used on her instead of Matt

Cullan killed that flash game. Props to him. I on the other had sucked but i finished one though. This tribal has been very quiet. Owen mentioned that the names were Thomas and Chips. Like Thomas likes me so i know it sucks but i would rather have Chips go. Gunna play it by ear tho.

My name is being thrown out because I have been inactive. Well sorry for having a job, going to school, and having a social life, I wish I could be just like them looollll

Supposedly the alliance of 6 is doing Trace, them plus me is 7 and it's a done deal. I'm a bit nervous long term about doing this move because it's really counting on Corey to pull through with the Bull and the Lion long term and will be on board to eat the Mighty Kids meal fuck all alliance after we get Matt out. Seriously if we can pull off the two player swing of voting off Trace and Matt, the people I've coined as the untouchables/undesirables could nab some power in the game. Again that heavily requires Corey to be ready to fly by the seat of his chair and eat the six. If he's not, then I'm sure Devon will be itching to do a move by then. Devon, my KS guy, don't fail me when I'll need you the most.

I have a lot of feelings and it's been a while since I confessed I feel. So Stephen voted Thomas because I told him to so I feel happy about that because he wanted to vote Owen or Matt and I said he wouldn't be able to get motion with those so do Thomas. Moving into today's vote. I wish Cullan didn't win immunity because I would love to vote him out...we don't click so he can go. I had heard Chips and Thomas which works for me bc I'm not working with them but now apparently Trace is throwing out Owen's name and I'm like wtf because I asked Trace what he has heard and he made no mention of this so I guess we're not close like I thought we were. Either way I'm sticking with my alliance on this one because they are the people I truly trust so let's make some waves.

It looks like the move now is to do Trace. Timmy and I are conflicted because we really like Trace but he could be a liability for us because he throws a name for some people and a different name to others. And people in our I miss Borders booksellers want to do Trace right now. Hopefully it works out for Timmy and I. 

Everything went well last round, 12-1-1 which was almost expected EXCEPT I got a vote!!! Honestly I’m not completely convinced it was Trace.... idk. It seems bold of him to do. I figure either he did it in case Stephen had an idol, OR someone else did it to pin on trace or something. Either way I don’t care, I really turned that vote into a good thing because it gave me an excuse to talk to others about targeting trace hehe :) bye bye! No more hot guys on my island! Ew that was gross of me this Island is actually kait’s hehe. Ummm I rlly love her so much we bitched about everyone last night. It’s hard that her and I have all these allies that in the long run will go after each other but for now we are making t work. Hopefully trace goes tonight and then next round I’ll rllt have to deal with corey targeting matt. Speaking of, I do really love corey and I came into this with every intention of working with him as my number one, but it’s hard when he made other allies oremerge . He’s protecting Cullan and Ian? Neither of which I need in this game. And Kait just has been honest with me about stuff I feel Idk. I feel like her and I are more on the save wavelength than corey and I . But as long as I can keep them both here the better. I did tell Kait some stuff corey said not to tell her lmao including Cullan being after her.... oop idk. As wary as I am about my connection with matt, I did tell him about the idol and I did trust him with this trace vote. I think it’s going well with him but I rlly don’t want to go to the end with him and Kait kinda does eeeej. Madison I love but she tried to get Timmy out this round hehe rightfully so. Timmy has been SO GOOD TO ME!!!! I love him. And of course Maynor is still a bae too omg. I’m liking the people in this game more and more and I know it’ll get stressful but for now things might be looking up. It really looks like I’m getting exactly what is best for me two rounds in a row.... Can’t wait for something to go wrong!!!

This vote is the most nerve racking one yet. I essentially have to give up on my toeing the line and finally choose a side, and naturally I am choosing to side with my Survivor Wife Kait whomst I love. I like Trace a lot and the Queer Eye alliance with him Corey and Madison is cute, but like it’s time to frickin play and get rid of the threats in this game instead of letting life pass my by. That being said it’s quite insane that I must keep saving Thomas’s inactive ass! Kait is really adamant on keeping him but it’s frustrating sticking your neck out for someone who won’t so much as have a conversation to save themselves. I’m hoping to move forward with the Trio of Kait and Owen and myself, who currently have three advantages which is making me cackle! Let’s hope this vote rocks the boat in my favor or else I can see myself getting absolutely shafted once everyone compares notes and realizes I’m playing both sides.

Hi yes I choose violence. Sorry Trace. You have to go in order for me to get Matt out. I feel bad bc I genuinely did want to go far with him but it seems his alliances turned sour for my game! It should be 9-4 tonight, if everything goes to plan. Catch you on the flip side!

Today has been a pretty straight forward day. Now that I don’t have immunity I am a little nervous about the vote, but I am confident in the relationships that I have developed. I have been pushing Thomas since the beginning of the day. I think chips trusts me, and I don’t want to send him home quite yet. Everyone seems to be on the same page, so it looks like my work paid off. Let’s fucking move on tho and have another challenge I can actually win!

So this is pivotal for me. I really want Thomas out of this game. I don’t teust him and I do not feel like the game can progress worhba u comfort with him in it. Converse to that though my alliance would like to vote trace. However I have been informed that trace has made an alliance group with Matt Madison and Corey. Which obviously am not a fan of. So tonight is a tough choice. 

Assuming I do not get voted out tonight I will formally sit down and write what is going on in the game. I just have been busy this weekend so I apologize. The game picked up and stuff just as my school year was ending. As of this moment what I know is that the vote is between me and Thomas with the players leaning to Thomas. I was told Thomas was the dummy vote by Kait and Matt who want to work with me and not make an "easy" vote this round just because and want to vote Trace. I'm for it even though I've only gotten positive vibes from Trace simply because it would appear to make my time in the game longer. If I'm the possible vote this round via debate that means I AM the vote next time. Well I guess we will see.

okay so allegedly trace is leaving tonight, a move i'm quite happy with. trace mentioned owen's name last round and we all think that he's the one that threw the vote on owen last tribal. oh! and he mentioned tommy's name too so i have to protect my fellow scorpio fam. i got mad at corey today bc of all this shit that he's telling owen like cullan wanting me out but him talking him out of it apparently, and not telling me. it's just all this shit that;s building this massive amount of distrust for him. but for tonight we just have to bank on him i guess. i don't like it, but i'm not certain where to start with taking down his empire. our group with maynor, matt, and timmy is a good place to start. i'm beginning to think that's the truest shit i've got going for me. i don't know of anyone timmy is super close to other than like us, so i'm thinking we're his closest, or at least that's what he told me. IDK. i'm trying to think straight with tribal coming up but im just so damn nervous. i'm worried that someone told cullan who told trace, or someone told trace straight up and they've been plotting to get me or owen. i'd HOPE with how woven into people we are that we'd find out about it, but that's just a hope. manifesting that we will be okay and that cullan will leave next!

Ep 12 BYE BYE GEMINI! jk I feel kinda bad, and I honestly really wanted Timmy gone, but it is what it is. Another vote that’s not me is a win at this point. 

[becomingstrong1289]

4/22/17

This week with Josh has been so frustrating. I have been mad this whole week. i actually considered keeping the kids this weekend instead of them being with him. this is the first time i have done this. after meeting his gf and not getting an apology. Monday i asked him for an apology and he looked at me and asked for what. So I had a conversation with a float nurse who is my situation 20 years from now. Her ex husband was abusive in a different way. They had 3 kids together. Her youngest would cry when going to her ex like Owen does when i leave him. She knows how heart breaking that feeling is. Her other kids adored her ex. They were never able to coparent. At events they would leave her and go sit with him because they didn’t see him. But even when they lived with him they still sat with him. I read on my coparenting facebook group that a woman was hurt because her kids were not allowed to make contact with her in public because the father would punish her kids. Alysca does it to Vanessa too. Shes so conditioned she wont even say hi when her mom isnt around. So i know that is a real situation that could happen. So Stacy, the float nurse, stayed hurt for a very long time in many situations because her and him could not get along and the kids were forced to pick sides. Now two of her kids are living with the father and since they moved they have been brainwashed into not talking to their mom. She aches for them. We are pretty much strangers and everytime she walks into our office she tells us about her kids. I can see Natalie doing that to me. Shes a lot like me and i eventually walked out on my mother to live with my dad. My mom was a shitty mother and physically and emotionally abusive. i yell at the kids but i dont beat them or call them names. i try my best but im the discipliner and josh is the weekend dad. Stacy talks about overcompensating with her youngest because she doesnt want to lose her. I do that with the kids. i go out of my way sometimes to make them happy. My biggest issue and regret is being on my phone when theyre around. its just my way of unwinding from my day and staying calm. im so tired when i get home from work and then there are 500 more things to do. i think if me and shawn get together and i have a little extra help my relationship with them will be better. right now there is only one of me and two of them and they are in such different stages of life. its hard to accommodate both of them. my other issue is my high cleaning standards. i need to relax and put it off til the weekend. shortcuts are okay sometimes. but it makes me feel like a failure. So anyway, after that conversation i really started thinking about withholding the kids for the weekend. i really didn’t see it fixing anything. it would just be rocking the boat. So i decided to talk to him first. i brought owen to the park and he called me. So i told him i was thinking about keeping the kids for the weekend and asked him why he thinks i would have to do that. i realized during this conversation that i have to talk to him like i would have to natalie. That they have the same social knowledge. He first said it was about the paystubs. It took him 11 days to send his paystubs to the lawyer and that was only after i asked for it. i told him that that was a frustration but not the reason. Then i asked again. He finally admitted that it was prolly cuz of courtney. And then i brought up how he wouldnt apologize to me on monday. he told me that he was just thinking about dropping the kids off and not about what happened. I told him that it hurt me so much on saturday that i could barely get out of bed. that i was suppose to do something very important that day but i couldnt do it cuz i was so hurt and depressed. i told him i cant be a good parent and hurt all the time. he admitted that he SHOULD HAVE apologized. they he almost said that he apolo....then he changed what he was saying. it is so hard for him to be remorseful. he just couldn’t say the words. finally, after me nagging at him about not being able to say it, he said he sincerely apologizes to me. i bet his mouth was bleeding after that. then i changed the subject a little. i asked him why he would let me go after his gf like that. he wouldnt really answer. he basically said that he was holding owen and didn’t want things to escalate by asking me to stop or leave. the truth is that i was holding owen the whole time. and he never defending her, me or the kids, only himself. he threw her to the wolves like he did to me with alysca. i told him that once i was courtney and i know what its like to have someone you feel should protect you and doesn’t. i told him that he doesn’t know how to love people and he should think about why that was his reaction because that is really important. This whole week ive been sending him quote and descriptions of sociopaths. He fits him to a tee. I dont know if he thinks so or not. theres really no cure for it. he thinks hes better than other people, he doesnt think he needs to apologize for hurting others, he doesn’t know how to love people. so in the end i asked josh if he wanted our relationship with our kids damaged because we couldnt get along. he said no. i told him i want to try coparenting again but i need a break. i said maybe around owens bday ill start talking to him again but until then its just the kids and the divorce that will be talked about. and even that will be minimal. so i fucked up and forgot owens medicine at drop off. it just didn’t cross my mind. so tonight im going out of my way to go skating with me dad. i think ill just drop off the meds with his grandma. i dont want to see the house or let the kids see me and hear owen cry cuz im leaving. it will break my heart. i dont want to see her car there. i dont want any part of it. 

Something very cool is happening to me. i started seeing Luann again for weight management. i have been basically plateaued at 220 since july 2016. i started creeping up again during the holidays and got back down and then i started creeping again so i made the decision to start weight management again. this is the only way i have ever been able to lose weight. as of yesterday i was down to 217.8. i finally got over the first hump. my next will be 210. that is where diane told me she weighed in at. if i can get under that ill be skinnier than her. 200 will be a huge one. i havent been under 200 since my jr year of hightschool. it would be amazing to be close to that when i go on vacaion. my ultimate goal is 180. when i was eating my normal amount of food i was always afraid of not getting enough nutrients if i ate smaller portions. today i kinda realized that i only eat a certain amount of food per day, say 1500 calories. Those 1500 calories better be very nutritious.  this week i ate basically a dairy product and fruit for dinner, a meat and veggie wrap or salad and meat and veggies for dinner. i did eat one sweet potato once this week. i found some bread that is 35 calories per slice and had a couple pb and js. its not perfect but its working. my snaking was out of control before i started the meds. i would just eat constantly. i was like a smoker with unsalted nuts and prunes. i listen to my dad and his diet stuff but i have to remember that he isnt to his goal weight. he still eats fast food and goes crazy on cheat days. i dont need cheat days. i like my cooking and i love veggies. why would i pick pizza when i can eat a steak and asperagus and mushrooms instead. tonight im going skating. idk if hes gonna wanna go out or not but im gonna try to get a salad or something similar to that. i can alway bring it home and eat it tomorrow or for lunch. no biggy. i feel like shit when i stuff my face. its painful. im waiting for shawn to notice im losing weight. that is going to be really cool when he says something about it.