#going through a bit of a rough patch recently re: ocd re: useless stupid thoughts but it’s on the way out 8) i'll be ok eventually

[leadendeath]

positive But hints of previous bad things that happened and bad things that i made NOT happen

not gonna go into detail too much but the 29th is when i:

escaped one of the most horrible, soul-crushingly bad situations ive ever been through

got approved for medication (i asked for this one in particular after doing tons of research because generally side effects are so often fuckin awful. it was instant approval, on the day when i contacted my doctor, things were that bad. usually it takes weeks to get an appointment and i never go docs when i really should for anything, but it was either get help or disappear if you know what i mean, that's how bad it was at the time. no i wasn't brutally honest like that in the conversation lol i don't suggest doing that. didn't cry on the phone win! i did the "smile so your 'phone voice' sounds better" thing though... which mustve sounded really mentally ill of me in retrospect oh my god... my doc happens to be on the same thing as me so that was lucky and she's nice to me anyway :)

found out i have ocd and started the process of getting better.

ive come a very long way and recovery isn’t linear. i truly know what that means now. but i am turning into who i want to be. and that’s something to commemorate.

it’s kinda awesome that this date coincides with me taking myself on vacation. funny how things play out innit