#going nuts with the 'big lines for close up people' shit

[retiredcultistredux]

FLUFF. Slow the FUCK down. You are injured still. You're missing a fucking arm now and you're still getting used to it. If you run in without support who knows what else you'll lose?!

Prince Fluff: "I told you, I don't care! Plus, if I really need her to, Zan can shock him or something! Not that I'm happy with her right now either, but still!"

His voice was still raised, causing it to echo and travel down the hall slightly. Not to mention Prince Fluff was running pretty fast. Which meant, eventually...

...He caught up with him.

[pedriache]

All in good time, — Franco Colapinto.

Summary: When a college student meets her polar opposite in Franco Colapinto, she instantly disliked him. But, Franco was enamored with her and he would get her to like him, all in good time.

Word count: 1.65k+

Disclaimer/s: this is a hockey!au

A/N: this is for @purinfelix and jet only! though i love each and every one of you who choses to read it.. this was. this was ass girl shit i’m sorry i didn’t know where i was going toward the end… i may do another hockey player!franco fic tho but its going to be far more centered around the actual hockey

Franco Colapinto was a force to be reckoned with. Somehow, you’d gotten tangled into his life. When your dorm was being renovated and you needed a place to stay, your roommate suggested her friend’s house—that friend being Franco. A notorious hockey player for the Golden Knights.

He was, in simple terms, agitating. Your two and a half weeks staying in his basement was something close to hell on earth. He held parties, big ones! Ones that interrupted your studying, which he’d half ass apologize for the next morning while nursing a raging hangover, right before asking you to make your signature hangover recipe while he showered.

That was your payment for staying there. You nursed his hangovers and helped him come up with various excuses as to why he was late to practice, even going as far as to go out of your way to tell his coach you’d gotten terribly sick and he had to bring you to the hospital.

Two pea’s in a lying pod. That’s what you were.

In the first week, he’d convinced you to go to the rink to help him practice. You—only ever using figure skates—had a difficult time keeping up with him. You nearly broke a tailbone trying to catch up with him.

Franco held a lopsided grin when he stopped, ice shavings flying as he turned to face you. Though, you saw the concern flash across his face as he skated back in your direction, leaning down to help you up.

“I need an ice pack—“ Your lips formed a thin line, “actually, I need wine and an excuse to get out of this hell.”

The curly haired man laughed, pulling your hand over his shoulder as his free arm looped around your waist. Holding you up, he assisted you back to the bench, setting you down carefully.

Once you shifted to get comfortable, wincing in pain, you untie the laces on your skates. “How do you do this for a living? I’m fucking miserable and we’ve done this once.”

Franco shrugs, leaning his head against the tempered glass that separated the rink from the benches. “Maybe I will just have to put you to work.” His lips threaten a smirk, “if it helps, I do prefer practicing with you than my teammates.”

That wasn’t even particularly a lie. He tried to find ways to get to know you, but you were a tough nut to crack. He tried so hard to find ways to get in your good graces, and forcing you to hang out with him was the only way he could get you to spend quality time with him.

His flirting was what annoyed you the most. You couldn’t stand it, only because it made a weird feeling erupt in your stomach. “First of all, don’t let them hear that. Second of all, I will never do this again. Ever.”

Franco was a convincer. He was good at getting people to do things, and you were unfortunately, not exempt from that. Even when you were back in your dorms, he’d convinced you to join him at the rinks.

You rarely ever practiced with him, simply opting to watch from the stands. You hated to admit it, but you’d grown to enjoy the time spent with him. When he took breaks, he’d explain the rules to you, different tactics they used, various things.

When you’d get so engrossed in conversation, he’d slip in a question about you, that you’d answer without thinking. He was good at getting to know people, but you were a difficult case. He’d found a way eventually, only getting you to talk about yourself when you were so distracted you couldn’t think long enough to stop it.

“Hockey pucks are actually frozen before games to make them move faster and glide smoothly on the ice, so they don’t bounce a lot.” Franco was rambling about different facts, waiting for the perfect opportunity to slip in a question he’d been waiting to ask for weeks.

“Seriously? So they don’t just stay rubbery and lukewarm?” The last part was only slightly sarcastic, but the fact had actually surprised you.

“So.. are you seeing anyone?”

“No.” You pause, wait—what? You don’t get an opportunity to ask any further questions because he was already onto the next fact. “Franco!” You snap, interjecting his next rant.

Francos eyebrows raise slightly, “yeah?”

You narrow your eyes, licking your lips. “You just asked if I was seeing someone. Then—you know what. That doesn’t matter, what does though, is that you just slipped in a question that was not like the others you’ve slipped in.” His face contorts and you laugh, “i’m going to law school, I notice tactics like that.”

The hockey players mouth quirks, he wasn’t even slightly ashamed. “Oh, I love how smart you are.” He hums, “I was just curious. If you were, thank the lord you aren’t, but, he wouldn’t like you hanging out with me.”

“Thank the lord? Seriously?” Your eyes roll dramatically. The wooden bench beneath you feels stiff and uncomfortable the more he watched you with his stupidly smug face.

Franco nods, “hey—“ He begins untying his laces, “you should come to my game tomorrow. You haven’t come in a while.”

The topic switch was noticeable, but you ignore it. “I have a lecture late tomorrow. I’ll probably be tired.” But when Franco’s face changes into that familiar doe-eyed expression, you cave. “Fine! I’ll come! Quit looking at me like that.”

“I’m not looking at you like anything.”

“Yes you are”

“No i’m not.”

“Are too!”

“Let me take you to dinner.”

“Are—what?” Your brain stops working, words failing your tongue. Excuse you? “Wait a fucking minute—“

Franco watches you carefully. “Is that a no?”

“No! I mean—“ You were still a stumbling mess. Your mouth opening and clamping shut. “It’s a-well, I mean, It’s a yes! Yes, I will! Jesus, Franco. You couldn’t have asked any smoother?”

He’s smiling, finding your stammering all too amusing… and adorable. It was very cute. “It felt fitting to me.” He shrugs casually, slipping off his skates. “After the game and a shower, the diner you like a few blocks from your dorm?”

That was most definitely something he learned during his not-so-secret questionnaires.

“That sounds perfect.” You huff, “now, can you bring me home? I think i’m developing hypothermia.”

After changing into his regular shoes, he stands, offering you his hand. You take it, though it was with an eye roll. Franco smirks at your reaction, not commenting on it as he helps you to your feet.

“Does your body not ache every time you finish?” You ask as the two of you exit the arena, making your way through the dark parking lot.

You regretted your choice of words the second they left your lips. “Don’t even—“

“I have incredible stamina, actually.” Franco cheeses, slinging his arm around you. You allow it, even leaning into his side.

“You are insufferable.” You scoff, but the twitch of your lips betrayed your feigned annoyance.

The laugh that emits from Francos mouth has a smile growing on your lips, it was a sound you’d grown to enjoy.

Franco opens the passenger door for you, which had you suppressing a smile. It was a gesture he made every trip to the arena, in fact—Franco was very much a gentleman, despite boy boyish he could be.

Only when he was the drivers seat with the engine going and heater ablaze, does Franco finally grow serious. “Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want to make you feel like you have to, I know you’re sort of a people pleaser.”

Okay, ouch?

Franco’s eyes widen, “I didn’t mean it like that!” He says quickly, stumbling for a way to fix what he said.

You’d never seen Franco have to search for words to say. He was always so smooth and, well, he was never one to falter.

“I know what you meant, and you’re right. But, when have I ever gone out of my way to people please you.” You reassure him, a gentle look on your face. “I want this.”

The rest was history. You want Franco had been going steady for months. Whenever you had enough time in your busy college schedule, you went to his games, you were his number one cheerleader and support system.

Hockey had easily become your favorite sport, you knew everything about it due to Franco’s inability to ever stop talking. Thats probably what made the two of you such a perfect pair. You were quiet, he wasn’t. He was your polar opposite, the yin to your yang. And thats what made it work.

When you didn’t want to talk, he wasn’t there to fill the silence. When he didn’t want to talk, you enjoyed each other’s silence.

You had never thought in a million years, the man who annoyed you oh so much, was the same man you would grow to love.

likes , comments , and reblog’s are all appreciated. lmk if you’d like to be tagged in future franco posts.

ᝰ.ᐟ tags @halfwayhearted @purinfelix @sakashq @hrts4havertz @spidybaby

[chrollogy]

SIGNED: LOVESICK FOOL #02

iwaizumi hajime x f!reader

next | masterlist

synopsis: The sudden popularity over your first confession gives you the confidence to share more about your feelings for a certain someone. Meanwhile, Iwaizumi seems to be in deep thought, especially after reading the second confession—thanks to Oikawa.

chapter content warning: college au, fluff, mutual pining, iwaizumi is more lovesick than he lets on, oikawa is a lil shit, iwa has dimples!, not beta read.

word count: 2k

notes: divider: cafekitsune. ch 3 may be a bit late since i’m still in the process of writing it :> but enjoy !!!

The confessions page never piqued Iwaizumi’s interest, not that it wasn’t interesting per se but he just didn’t have the time to read about other people’s lives unlike you, and Oikawa. Sure, he’d spare a minute or two whenever it’d appear on his timeline but he never sought them out.

If Iwaizumi were to think back on the last confession he had read, it’d be about a student TMI-ing, and confessing how they did the deed with a random stranger in a park near the campus. As expected, the post blew up, and was the talk of the campus for a few weeks straight due to its bizarreness.

Of course, just like every other student, you, and Oikawa gossiped about it during study sessions—safe to say it absolutely drove Iwaizumi nuts because of how much he’s heard that same story over, and over again.

Whenever he came across a confession on his timeline, he’d scroll right past it but oddly enough, the recent post Oikawa read aloud earlier might or might not have piqued his interest.

For starters, Iwaizumi knew he was in the same predicament as the anonymous sender. As he mentioned earlier, it was not easy to have feelings for your best friend, especially if one’s day to day life included said person. He could only act nonchalant for so long before he’d finally break—though, with the long period of time he’s harboured feelings for you, it might be sooner than expected.

Iwaizumi has always wondered how he’s even holding up in the first place every time he remembers how long he had kept his feelings for you. 

It’s just that every single time you’re around him, it does nothing but test his sanity. Everything about you was just so loveable that it wasn’t a surprise when Iwaizumi found himself loving you more than a friend—the lingering glances, his crimson-painted cheeks, the softness of his voice, the warmth of his palms, all those were reserved for you.

And Iwaizumi wished that at least somewhere down the line, you reciprocated his feelings too, even if his love for you outweighed your love for him. At least then, he would experience the feeling of your beating heart against his palms. Oh, Iwaizumi would do nothing but treat it with the utmost care, as though it was a fragile flower—not too much water to drown it but also not too little to starve it.

“Iwaizumi?”

Pulled out of his trance, Iwaizumi blinked up at you, confusion growing on his face with each passing second. Fuck, he was deep in thought, wasn’t he? One minute the two of you were exchanging a conversation, and the next his mind wandered over to uncharted waters—a place he’s been dying to dip a finger into for the longest time.

“Now, you’re the one who seems stressed. Still thinking about your big assignment?”

“Yeah.” He lied.

In all honesty, Iwaizumi wanted nothing but to wrap his arms around you—be as close to you as possible, as though any moment away from your warmth would instantly end him. But Iwaizumi’s arms remained by his side, fingers drumming on the wooden bench beneath, a way to distract the annoying itch of wanting to be near your skin.

The late afternoon breeze blew past, a gentle caress of cold wind against his crimson-painted cheeks, as if mother nature herself cupped his face, and reminded him that everything was going to be alright. The trees danced as the wind intertwined with its leaves, forming a melodic sound to calm the mind.

Both of you were currently passing time before retiring to your rooms, as usual, Iwaizumi had waited after your late afternoon lecture but this time, it felt different. You found him leaning on the side of a vending machine, phone in hand while the other shoved in his pocket, an indifferent expression was plastered on his face—it’s a sight you’ve seen a thousand times, a sight you’re more than familiar with but why did it make your heart flutter so much now

It didn’t help how the subtle smile Iwaizumi sent your way had your knees buckling, and fingers curling tighter around the strap of your bag.

“Can I—” Iwaizumi started.

You noticed the way his fingers drew random shapes on the fabric of his pants, a nervous habit he’s picked up, one that you’ve learned from observing him. Though, you remained silent despite the slight worry in your chest, urging him on to finish his sentence; somehow, what was to come next may or may not have had your heart pounding. The hint of softness in his voice was enough to send your heart into overdrive.

“Is it okay if I lean on you a bit?”

Oh.

Iwaizumi had shifted closer, you knew because you were shielded from the cool late afternoon breeze, instead, the warmth of his body greeted you like a calm embrace. From the corners of your eyes, Iwaizumi looked at you, his dark emerald gaze was intense enough to burn holes through the side of your face—a searing gaze you didn’t know how to return. Yet.

So, you simply nodded. A subtle dip of your chin, eyes fixated on the distant tree line of the park as though it piqued your interest, funny how it's dark green hues reminded you of his eyes.

That was all Iwaizumi needed before closing the distance between your bodies, and leaning his head on your shoulder. You sucked in a breath, closeness was never foreign in the friendship but the feeling of his body flush against your own was enough to torture your poor, poor heart.

Speaking of your heart, you at least hoped that Iwaizumi couldn’t hear it violently pounding against the walls of your chest—how it aggressively wanted to jump out of its confines, and onto his palm.

Unfortunately for you, Iwaizumi heard just fine—he swore your heart stuttered.

Were you nervous? He wanted to be delusional, and think that he was the one making your heart race like this, even though he clearly saw the empty can of energy drink you threw in the bin earlier. Though, on the back of Iwaizumi’s mind, despite the low possibility of his reciprocated feelings, he was oddly confident that it’d never be zero. 

Maybe he was just purely delusional.

“Sorry for inconveniencing you like this, I’m just a bit stressed.” Another lie.

Oh, Iwaizumi wasn’t stressed at all. In fact, he was actually kicking the assignment’s ass that he’s almost a whole week early in submitting it before the scheduled deadline. If anything, it was all child’s play to him. The real reason he was doing this was to simply have you closer to him, nothing else.

He felt kind of bad for lying to you like this since it was a purely selfish reason but could you really blame his heart?

The two of you stayed in complete silence for a moment, basking in the afternoon glow of the sun. The park was now deserted, students, and other park goers opting to head home before the sun fully retired behind the horizon; it was peaceful, as though you, and Iwaizumi were in your own world—something you could both get used to.

Back in his dorm, Iwaizumi unceremoniously plopped onto his swivel chair, he hooked an arm over his eyes, recounting memories of earlier, he could still feel the warmth of your shoulder on his cheek, and the calming tune of your heartbeat.

“What’s got you all in a mess like that?” Oikawa spoke from his bed which caused Iwaizumi to jump from his friend’s sudden voice. “What the fuck, Oikawa?! Don’t do that.” The latter turned his chair to face the brunette, an all-too-familiar scowl written all over his handsome face. Oikawa could only shrug in response, amusement painted on his face at the state of his friend.

“You’re probably not gonna tell me about it so I’ll take it upon myself to talk about something else,”

Before Iwaizumi could even mentally pray that it’s not some stupid gossip, Oikawa was already sitting up on his bed, and clearing his throat to speak.

“Do you remember that confession I read out loud a few days ago? They posted another one, look.” The brunette hastily peeled himself from under the ivory covers, and within a second, he was in front of Iwaizumi, phone shoved abnormally close to the latter’s face, causing him to jerk back a bit.

Clearly, he had all the time in the world with how updated he was with this goddamn confessions page. Iwaizumi wasn’t going to lie, he remembered details about that particular confession from a few days ago far more than the contents of his lectures. Not on purpose, though, moreso out of his own will.

Every hallway he walked, every lecture room he entered, every café he studied at, and every bathroom he used, at least two students were talking about it. Iwaizumi couldn’t care to listen in on their conversations nor did he want to, it wasn’t like talking about it more would somewhat reveal the person behind these confessions.

Iwaizumi couldn’t even escape it even in his own room. Though, this was normal, as if the whole campus ran solely on juicy gossip.

Of course it was about that damn confessions page, Oikawa was practically it’s number one fan at this point, Iwaizumi bets the former probably has a ‘Top Fan’ badge with how much he interacts with each, and every confession they post. He wouldn’t be surprised if the brunette openly admitted to sending in submissions to the page.

He grabbed the phone off Oikawa’s hand, and read it. Iwaizumi figured entertaining his friend’s antics would be much better than resisting it since he could get extremely annoying at times—all the time, even.

‘Today, I asked him if he was stressed and he agreed without hesitation. It pains my heart to see him beneath grey clouds; I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him until all the stress drains from his body, until he’s smiling again and a subtle dimple forms on his cheeks, until he lets out a hearty, melodic laugh that I’ve grown to love but don’t be mistaken, I’ll love him whatever version of himself he presents. Wholeheartedly. Maybe—if only—he’ll let me be his safe space, not just a best friend but something more.’

Huh, how weird. Why did his heart flutter? This wasn’t even for him.

Iwaizumi’s eyes shifted back, and forth, back, and forth over each sentence until they reached the end. He did this for a total of four times, and each time—without fail—his mind wandered back to fifteen minutes ago where he was sitting on a wooden park bench with you, his head on your shoulder. It was like the confession described exactly what happened earlier.

He recounted your words, and how you were talking about how stressed he was. From this perspective, everything fit in perfectly like a puzzle piece but was Iwaizumi reaching too hard? Was his mind playing tricks on him just to convince himself that these two confessions came from you? As far as he knows, you’ve never even sent in a submission yourself but that didn’t mean you couldn’t.

Okay, maybe Iwaizumi was being delusional. All those years pining after you had finally gotten to his brain, and turned him into nothing but a yearning, pathetic man.

Though, the confession easily could have been from anyone. Not to mention how it's been such a tough semester so far, it made sense for the anonymous submitter to write about their best friend being stressed about something. Right? Right. Iwaizumi was getting way ahead of himself for assuming such things, he blamed it on his mind stubbornly shaping reality into things that benefited his situation.

He was looking too deeply into this.

See, this was the consequence of letting one Oikawa Tooru get inside one’s head, clearly, it’s the brunette’s fault for even showing something that didn’t concern Iwaizumi at all. And it could only get worse from here.

Oikawa impatiently pulled his phone away from Iwaizumi’s hold, reeling the latter back into reality. The brunette read the paragraph once more before letting out an amused hum, catching his friend’s attention.

He puckered his lips, brown eyes narrowed, and brows subtly knitted together as he stared at his phone. Oh. Iwaizumi didn’t like that expression at all, and he sure wasn’t going to like the words coming out of Oikawa’s mouth next. He knew that face all too well, it screamed nothing but mischief, and a thirst for chaos.

“Say, Iwa-chan, you have dimples when you smile just like the post mentioned. Haha—won’t it be interesting if these confessions were for you?”

What the fuck?

—

tags: @stunie @akumakitsune21 @boosyboo9206 @khfviq @avis-writeshq @elliesndg @1929sleepdeprived @wakashudou @lillycore @viscoolreal @lialia3945 @softpia @anqelkoz @tar0sw0rld @nwhaerin @kiyuwumi @seroh @eggyrocks @jellysupremacy @songofgratitude @gsyche @haikyuusunsalad @smellysluna @amoosarte (lmk if you wanna be tagged and don’t forget to turn your mentions on :3)

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© chrollogy 2024 | don't plagiarise, repost or steal my header.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

PLEASE POST THE IZZY PART FOR THE NO NUT NOVEMBER

A/n: Only one more of these to make B). This was going to be much shorter but it felt weird to make one really short when the other's are longer so I just kept going and I like this ending much more than the other one and I hope you agree, Izzy lovers are honestly the best kinds of people.

Warnings: smut, oral sex(f+m receiving), fingering(f receiving), degradation, drugs, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy :3

Intro

Izzy left the studio with not much care. So long as he wasn’t the first out no one would care, right? Besides, all he really wanted was to stir the pot as per usual, and he did it like a pro. That’s all there was to it. He went on with his business and didn’t think too much about it.

Or so he thought.

He wasn’t doing anything with anyone, staying home more often than not and if he wasn’t he was getting cracked out of his mind at parties where that’s all anyone was doing, no one was getting ready for some action.

His stash was running low so he invited some people over, hoping to fix off of them. When people started showing up and getting loaded he happened to notice someone he’d never seen before.

He asked around and someone eventually gave him something. A friend of a friend of a dealer. Izzy didn’t think too much of it, someone else just trying to get high like him, what’s there to it?

Only, he kept catching her watching him.

At some point he’d gone to the bathroom to snort something alone. He’d just started when you came in and closed the door behind you. He gave you a look. “Sorry, I’m not sharing.” He mumbled.

“I’m not into that stuff.” You responded as he snorted another line. He looked back up at you with a confused expression.

“Then why are you here?” You shrugged and looked up to the fluorescent lighting.

“I’m into other stuff.” Izzy nodded.

“Smack?” He asked, looking at your arm for any track marks. “Heroin?” You took a step closer to him. “Come on, give me a hint, at least.” He asked with a wonky smile. You chewed your cheek and dropped to your knees, looking up at him with innocent starry eyes.

When Izzy saw that he was reminded of the bet. Now, he wasn’t ready to say no to a face like that but he wasn’t ready to forfeit either. Tough decision.

“Sorry, I can’t, my friends and I have this bet-”

“What kind of bet?” You interrupted.

“To see who can last the whole month without, like, doing anything.” He chuckled to himself at how stupid it sounded in his mind.

“Would you be the first one out?” Izzy let out a heavy breath at that and shook his head. All he wanted was to stir the pot and not be the last one out, right now it was just him and Slash. Oh shit, he was in the finals! He hadn’t thought about it that way. “Then what’s the big deal?” Izzy sucked his bottom lip and stared down at you, trying to think through the haze in his mind.

You stayed on your knees, looking up at him and watching for a reaction as you lifted up his shirt. Just enough so you could see his happy trail and press your plush lips to his abdomen. That pretty much killed any thought Izzy had against this.

As you kissed him he undid his jeans and pulled them down along with his boxers, hitting you in the face with his dick. You happily took the tip into your mouth and started swirling your tongue around it while your hand came up to stroke him.

He was already leaning against the counter behind him for stability when you took more of him into your mouth, getting yourself used to him hitting the back of your throat before taking him all in your mouth, gagging slightly on his length.

Izzy’s head was thrown back  in pleasure as your head bobbed up and down on him. You started touching yourself through your clothes, getting off on Izzy’s pleasure. When you started moaning around his member he couldn’t help cum, the vibrations sent him over the edge. He grabbed you by the back of the head  and pulled you down on him as he shot his load down your throat, guttural groans slipping past his lips.

When he was done he let go of you and let you pull away to catch your breath. You wiped your mouth and chin of the drool that had slipped out the corners of your mouth.

Izzy tilted your head up with a finger under your chin. “Did you swallow it all?” He asked with a lazy grin. You smiled up at him and opened your mouth wide to show you had. “Good girl.”

Having lost the bet already there was no point in looking back now. He gestured for you to get up and you did, now standing in front of him. He brought his hand to your waist and guided you to the counter where he could bend you over, lifting your skirt over your ass to give him a perfect view of you.

You were wearing a thin pair of panties and fishnet stockings. Izzy admired you for a moment before gripping the fishnets and snapping the weak threads holding them together, making a bigger opening for him. He pinned your panties to the side and thrust into you, your cunt already soaked.

He waited a moment, taking in how hot you felt wrapped around him, the face he could see you making in the mirror. He started moving, watching your face for a reaction he liked and when he saw one he knew to keep hitting that spot.

Of course it had your mind running miles a minute. The way his tip kissed that perfect spot inside you that had you seeing stars over and over again. His hold on your hips was tight, sure to leave bruises for you to look back on with fond memories.

Your favourite were the soft grunts and groans you’d hear in your ear. Heavy breaths mixed with the occasional moan. He was watching you in the mirror but you were also watching him as his head rolled back, you’d catch glimpses of his eyes crossing before he shut them tight.

Izzy took a hand off your hip to turn your face towards him so he could kiss you. His tongue slipped past your lips with ease. Your moans fell onto his lips as you came hard around him, slick dripping down between your thighs. The way you clenched around him was the last straw for him and he came again inside of you, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you impossibly closer to him.

“Fuck.” Izzy breathed, kissing you one last time before pulling away and watching his cum ooze out of you. He dropped to his knees and started lapping at your folds.

“Fuck!” You squeaked and tried to push his head away but he didn’t budge. “Izzy! Izzy, s’too much.” You whined. He responded with a harsh slap on your ass, leaving a pink mark. He continued eating you out like his life depended on it, sucking every ounce of your dignity you had as you watched yourself in the mirror. Your face contorting in pleasure, your hips bucking back to meet his face.

He pushed a skilled finger into you, making you cum with only a few pumps as he hit that same special spot every time and sent you over the edge.

“You’re such a bitch, you know that?” He mumbled as he stood up again behind you, now holding you and resting his head on your shoulder. “Sneaking into my house, getting me into the bathroom, sucking me off when I told you I couldn’t...” He had this smirk as he spoke, it was tired but carried a very needed amount of teasing.

“You could’ve stopped me if you wanted to.” You replied in an equally tired manner, leaning back on him slightly.

“I didn’t want to.” He said firmly, giving your neck a soft kiss.

[kremlin]

"This event ends the moment you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker" -- Big Bill Hell

There was a time when you'd see little old ladies paying for the groceries with a hand-written personal check, holding up the line, causing an immediately-forgiven slight sense of annoyance with those behind her. Buddy. Those days are over. They've been over. What, did you think you were going to just pop a couple extra zeroes on the end of your paycheck there? Maybe scan your paycheck, open it in photoshop, make a template, print em out all nice? You think you're the first to think of that, dipshit?

It takes the law a long time to catch up with the state of the art. You're reading this on the internet, which means you never use checks. The law has caught up. Your ass will be going to prison immediately and you will see zero return.

You can't even kite checks anymore, and hell, nobody under 40 will even know what that means, due to the blazing fast, two day settlement on all ACH transactions. Let me paint you a picture.

You get paid on Friday, but it is Monday, and bills are due on Tuesday. And you're broke: $0 in the bank. Goose egg. Pop open your checkbook, go to a store, "buy" some things, write a check for the amount. The cashier takes it!

Now take those things you "bought", across town, to another store location, and return them for cold hard cash. Sweet. Bills paid. Friday rolls around, and you just make it to the bank to deposit your paycheck before it closes. After the weekend, the checks you wrote finally post, and they don't bounce! You've kited a check. You've surreptitiously taken a zero-interest loan. And we know your broke ass. The interest rate on that short-term payday loan should have been straight up usurious. We're talking 29%. That makes predatory fuckers like us horny for sex. We're so mad. Now you are going to Federal Prison. For a good minute. Fuckface.

COST: $0.10 (With banks offering free checking accounts + Bic pen)

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor sleet, if you fuck with the mail, we'll rip your nuts off" -- Ronald Mail (Inventor of Mail)

Many people have this misnomer that the most powerful people in politics are democratically elected. The president, of the United States, of America, is a stupid cartoon hotdog. All of them, I don't care. Way less clout than you'd think. Brilliantly, it is the people that the hotdog president appoints who are actually doing anything significant. The director of the CIA. The fucking chairman of the Federal Reserve. Probably the, like, most senior, uh, general of the military, and shit too. I don't know, we don't "do" army here at Bloomberg. You probably don't even know their names! I don't! These are the ones you should be seeing in your sleep.

There's another position like that. Appointed directly by the hotdog. The Postmaster General. That's a real title. He's the CEO of the mail, and buddy, what he may lack in political power relative to the director of the CEO, he makes up in raw sexual energy. Total Tom Selleck energy. Like an airline pilot. We're talking Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I'm tentpoling in my black business slacks just writing this, and all my Bloomberg newsroom bros are peering over my shoulder and also tent-poling. We're not gay though, and especially me, I'm probably the least gay, but sometimes I just lay awake for hours at night what that mustache would feel like pressed against my lips, the unbelievable and utter, total sense of security I'd feel burying my head into his hard chest.

You get it. He's your dad. And if you fuck with the mail, you've fucked with the tools in your dad's garage. And dad's been drinking. You're in for it, bucko, you are in trouble. Do you think the United States Postal Service actually makes any money? Hell no. It costs like five bucks to mail a box basically anywhere I can think of and they give you the boxes for free. You can just walk in the post office and take them. I do that, and then just throw them away, I don't know why, some kind of compulsion. Being able to move shit around like this, quickly, cheaply -- Jesus H, I've got a huge amount of money in my bank account, probably tens of trillions of dollars (due to financial knowledge gained from reading Bloomberg articles) and I could probably mail every single person ever something and still come out in the black.

No way pal. They've thought of that already. The Postmaster General is going to know every time, and he's going to grab you by the shirt collar, wearing his cool as fuck hat, and you're going to get your pants pulled down, and your bare ass spanke...I need to go use the restroom real quick.

We rely on the mail system to get important shit done. It's not something to be taken lightly, and it isn't. Trust me. This is why, like almost every other person who receives mail in this year 2023, I just fucking put a wastebasket under my mail slot. I don't even shred that shit anymore. I just burn it. Takes less time.

COST: $0.63 (Postal stamp)

"Can call all you want, but there's no one home // And you're not gonna reach my telephone // Out in the club, and I'm sipping that bubb // And you're not gonna reach my telephone" -- Lady Gaga

I read something wild that the children of today do not know what a dial tone is, because of how fucked up and stupid they are. Isn't that super fucked up?

While it's not really our style, allow me to fill you in on some ancient, arcane knowledge about the telephone. You can turn it on, and then you can punch in numbers. Any numbers. Random ones, or maybe not random ones. If the ten numbers you punch in are the same as the numbers in someone else's telephone number, their phone will ring, and then you are talking to them. This is called "Phreaking".

Here's the kicker: You can tell that jackass anything you want. "Oh, Hi, Yes, I am Reginald Sumpter calling from Avalon Consulting LLC, we are just following up on the invoice we sent you. Please remit to ###### routing ###### account."

BOOM! Your name isn't Reginald whatever and that company doesn't exist, but you just received a deposit. It's fucking beautiful. What have you done wrong? It isn't your responsibility to handle who your business' clients/etc are, it's their's. If they want to just pay you money for no real reason, well, that's kind of on them, isn't it? I haven't stuck a pistol in your face and demanded everything in the register.

Well, it's too clever. It's too slick. This is the United States of America. It's one thing to commit a felony like armed robbery, it's another thing to piss off someone in charge of the accounting division who uses a special bathroom you need a key to get into.

You can do it on the computer too, I use a PC Computer at work and send email, so you can see how it'd work there. You can make a document that is indifferentiable from a real invoice and, straight up, 1/3 of the time they will pay that shit. Lmfao.

It's called wire fraud because, uhh, duhhhh, there's wires. What do you think that thing is strung between the telephone receiver and the dialer? And computers? Give me a break. There's so many wires with those.

COST: $0.25 (Coin for payphone)

"People calculate too much and think too little." -- Charlie Munger

It is insane how dumb the common man can be when it comes to our world of expertise. I hear this same sentiment, like, ALL THE TIME:

"Durr hurr I will buy an insurance policy for my car or house or whatever so that in case something happens to it I will get money". And then that same person proceeds to drive safely or not burn their house down. Dumbest crap imaginable.

Let me break it down for you. Insurance is a two player competitive game. There is a winner and there is a loser. Go take out an expensive insurance policy on your American sports car. Buy a neck brace, a football helmet, and pack that bitch with throw pillows. Then get in the left lane of a major highway at like noonish, let it rip and then SLAM on your brakes. Hit from behind! Your fault! Congratulations. You have won insurance. How this gets past people is beyond me.

You can only do this once or twice before the insurance companies catch on. Then they don't want to fuck with you. It is also..I don't know man...something feels off about taking a car or a house, which like, some guy had to build and just destroying it, but that is only a weird emotional thing, since you're making money, more than whatever the destroyed thing is worth, so in reality you've built that house plus some extra. You've contributed.

COST: $106.00 (Average monthly car insurance payment)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SUBSCRIBE TO MY WHATEVER FOR PART TWO, COMING SOON. i'll post it later today probably. whatever time frame will juice the numbers. have a sneaky peaky

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[princess-glassred]

Imagine an au where Ben and Richie find out that their whole lives is just a book/movie

Richie and Ben were just hanging out with the losers when one of them gets their words a little mixed up, nothing too serious or noticable, but the rest of the losers seem weirdly pissed for some reason. Then they hear a random voice from behind them yell "CUT!" and they turn around to see a one of the walls to Ben's bedroom is gone and in its place is just a a big studio lot with cameras and crew telling them to go take a break.

Ben and Richie are very confused by this, this has to be some kind of joke or prank, but the rest of the losers just ignore their confusion and dont even respond to being called their names. Some guy comes up to Richie calling him "Finn" and asking if he can get his lines right. Then he tells them prop department needs to see his glasses for a moment and of course Richie is very resistant to giving up his glasses because he needs them to see, but then when the guy actually manages to get them off Richie is shocked to find out he can see perfectly fine without them.

Ben and Richie quickly find out that theyre the only people who dont think this whole thing is normal, but that's hardly comforting cause everyone else thinks theyre nuts. Richie and Ben stumbled upon the sewer set and get their entire perception of reality fucked up. Richie stumbles upon georgie and excitedly tells Bill that he found georgie and he drags him over to him but Bill doesn't really have any reaction, he just looks at Richie like he's insane. Ben freaks out and says he's gonna call his mom but then Richie asks him if he can remember what his mom looks like. Ben actually can't and neither can Richie because their parents aren't in the fucking movie so they have no idea what they look like.

Richie gets whisked away to go film something called "Stranger things" with a bunch of people he doesn't even know. Ben looks under his shirt and finds he doesn't even have a wound from when Henry attacked him before, its just a bandage with nothing under it. When Pennywise and Henry walk by them at the same time Ben and Richie scramble to hold each other and scream for them to leave them alone, which... obviously doesn't go very well. Later on Richie watches Henry in a makeup chair get his mullet hair piece taken off and he loses his shit over that too. Then when Henry actually talks to him he freaks out even more because hes talking in an australian accent. "WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT" "Because... I'm australian???" "No you're not!" "... are you having a mental break down or something?".

This all comes to an end when Ben and Richie are told to get back in there and try the scene again. They both close their eyes and the director says action. Then when they open them everythings just back to normal, Ben's room is normal, the losers are acting like themselves again. Richie runs outside and asks Henry if hes australian and Henry says "who the fuck just walks up and starts a conversation like that?". It's like nothing even happened, and Ben and Richie have promised to pretend like it never did.

[glxwstxcc]

Holes headcanons :D

Stanley (caveman):

probably addicted to minecraft. (He forces hector to play it with him, but he doesn’t mind)

stanley is the type of guy to prance around and skip when he’s in a good mood 💀

Has anxiety and/or adhd

his love language is physical touch. (He hugs hector all the time 🥺)

he’s probably afraid to close his eyes in the shower. (It’s okay, bro, me too.)

he ate play dough as a kid.

painfully awkward in social situations. (Me too bro, me too)

since he’s kinda tall, he doesn’t know his own side sometimes and bumps into things often.

He’s such a baby when he’s sick. (His mom always takes care of him and she babies him as well, so she’s partially to blame.)

played violin in elementary school but switched to trumpet in middle school.

he loves to dress up for halloween and go trick or treating. He does not give a F*CK IF HES TOO OLD, HES GETTING THAT FREE CANDY.

his favorite color is probably blue. (Super basic, but it’s valid)

unashamed weezer fan.

probably watches adventure time or regular show or some show like that.

cat person.

he loves dinosaurs.

oh and he’s a smashing pumpkins fan.

his favorite subject is chemistry or science.

he probably tried to smoke a cigarette to be cool but he ended up almost dying.

Hector (zero):

bro is probably a Roblox kid.

his love language is quality time.

he gets a little uncomfortable when Stanley hugs him sometimes bc he’s not really used to that sort of affection, but he starts to like it more over time.

he loves watching SpongeBob SquarePants and he makes Stanley watch it with him.

probably and arctic monkeys fan.

Also a Radiohead fan.

fantasizes about beating the sh*t out of people. (DUDE DID YOU SEE WHEN THAT FIGHT ALMOST BROKE OUT AND HE IMMEDIATELY GRABBED A POOL BALL TO SMASH SOMEONES HEAD?.?????)

Gorrilaz fan.

he’s a big Garfield fan as well.

oh and hes also a red hot chili peppers fan.

dog person.

he probably plays guitar.

always wins at card games.

When he was a little kid he wanted to be a magician or a zookeeper when he grew up.

absolutely goated at laser tag.

Ricky (zigzag):

he’s just a silly little guy 🥺

Lowkey the mom friend.

nirvana listener.

I feel like he hates spinach idk why.

yapper.

he has a really stupid sense of humor. (Like if you said the word “ball” or “nut” he would crack tf up)

South Park watcher.

plays cod regularly.

closet Lana del rey fan.

bro can’t cook for shit.

he always bothers the rest of d-tent with his random thoughts in the middle of the night. (Zigzag: “if all my future children are in my balls rn, doesn’t that technically make me pregnant??” Squid: “I swear, if you don’t shut the f*CK UP RIGHT NO-“

raging feminist energy.

his favorite animal is a giraffe 😍

he always uses the shittiest pick up lines on girls he likes (they never work 😢)

Alan (squid):

TERRIBLE at bowling. (Like when he goes the throw the bowling ball he slips on the glossy floor and almost f*cking dies)

brushes his teeth way to hard.

he can’t handle caffeine 😔

He’s a HORRIBLE speller.

If anyone falls asleep around him, their face is 100% going to get vandalized. (Never pass out when there’s markers about, kids.)

Green Day fan.

watches regular show.

bro probably uses three in one shampoo, conditioner, and body wash 💀

he has a pet bunny that he loves and cherishes with all of his heart.

Theodore (armpit):

idk why but I feel like he loves kids and babies and he’s really good w them.

surprisingly great at public speaking.

he and x ray always do karaoke together.

system of a down fan.

when he was little he got hit by the school bus 😐 (he was okay tho).

he probably has a diary that he writes in with glittery gel pen. (he also begins each entry with “dear diary ✨🧚‍♀️🌸,”)

Rex (X-ray):

lowkey a theater kid.

proud solitaire player.

he still enjoys coloring and he is NOT ashamed 😡.

regularly plays fnaf.

queen fan????? 👀

he is ready for Christmas IMMEDIATELY after thanksgiving.

train enthusiast.

he has hello kitty and Sanrio merchandise but would never EVER admit it to anyone.

he owns all of the diary of a wimpy kid books.

Jose (magnet):

bro’s favorite subject is probably history 🤣🫵 (valid).

if one of the d-tent boys is in the phone with literally anyone he will moan as loud as he can.

strong believer in the five second rule.

rammstein fan.

sings HORRIBLY in the shower.

he likes to bully small children on roblox. (Valid)

When he was a little kid he walked through wet cement and his parents had to chisel the concrete off of his feet.

he also sleepwalks often.

Brian (twitch):

bro is such a little f*cking freak like dude wtf is wrong w you (and we love that for him.)

yeah that’s kinda all I have for this kid. He only had like a minute and a half of screen time so I didn’t have much to work with.

anyway yeah sorry they gradually got smaller and smaller but yeah wtv I hope you enjoyed :D

[huffle-dork]

Swap into the CrystalVerse Chapter 11: SepticHeroes

Co-written with @crystalninjaphoenix 

Read Swapboys | Read Septicheroes | AO3 Link

Prologue | Switch | Stitched | PNPT | Septicheroes Taglist: @brokentimewatch @di-diwata  

  Jackie and Bro had been flying for a while. Jackie would never admit it, but he was starting to get tired. He settles down on the edge of a shingled roof for a moment and sighs, looking at the ground below. This is an area lined with shops. Lots of foot traffic. "Jameson used to live here, yknow," he says, pointing at one of the shops. "It was a family business. I mean, no one's taken over the building, but... sucks that he can't run it for now."

Bro touches down next to him and he looks tired as well. He shakes out his head and refluffs his hair under his hat. "Oh really? Why can't he work there now?"

Jackie sighs. "It's... complicated. I mentioned I was looking for a villain earlier. One we don't know anything about? Basically, he made JJ do some fucked-up stuff. Now the police and the League are after him so he and Schneep are hiding out. Oh yeah, did I mention they're cousins? I don't know if relationships are consistent across universes, since our Chase doesn't have a brother. Anyway. They're cousins here but neither of them can run the family business due to being, you know, wanted."

Bro's eyes widen. He shakes his head, "Yeah no.... our Schneep and jj- they're close but... not cousins."

Then, he gets a righteous look of fury in his eyes as he looks out. "...I get that. Magnificent did the same for my brother. Made him do fucked up shit. and Even though he was really disguised when he worked for him... Alt is convinced he needs to hide back home. He's afraid of getting caught... Even though it wasn't his fault! Mag tricked him- manipulated him... controlled him!" He grips his hands into fists. "... i don't get why- villains can just do that to someone...!"

Jackie lets out a huff of laughter. "Yeah... good and bad are complicated, but I know that hurting--manipulating--innocent people is terrible." He pauses. "Maybe your brother and JJ could talk about that stuff together. Maybe we can suggest that when we find him.”

"Heh... maybe- dunno how open he'd be about it though... he's a tough nut to crack. Our Dr. J knows that." Bro laughs.

Jackie pauses, squinting down at the street below. "Oh would you look at that. If that's what I think it is, it's perfect timing." He points at the street, where there's a flicker of green pixels on the sidewalk.

Bro blinks and looks down towards the street with a raised eyebrow.

In a fizzle of green blue pixels, Alt skids out onto the road and then heaves a bit, bending over his knees. "Goddamnit- why is this city so big??" Then, there's a shadow over him as Bro whoops and then divebombs his brother in a huge hug. "Alt!!"

Alt yelps in surprise and then pushes off of Bro and glitches away. "Jesus Christ Chase!" He acts mad for a second then slowly laughs. "You know for a flying hero- you're pretty tough to find-"

Jackie laughs as he sees Bro divebomb his apparent brother, a few pedestrians scattering to give him room to maneuver. They all look unsure at first, until Jackie flies down and starts making casual small talk with the pair. At which point they relax and go about their business... or stay to watch.

"You're pretty tough to find, too. Alt, right?" Jackie holds out a hand. "I'm Windstorm. No real names with all these people around, but you met some friends of mine so you should know it anyway, hahah."

Both the boys look a bit startled at the fact they just said each other's names out loud and look around at the apparent crowd they attracted. Alt hides in his jacket for a second, covering up his face. Then, he blinks and drops it to study Windstorm. He narrows his eyes and tries to think of who this reminds him of, before his eyes widen. Then he laughs, "No fucking way-" And he takes Jackie's hand to shake it. "Well, Windstorm, nice to meet ya!"

"Yeah!! Isn't it cool!!" Bro grins, stimming a bit. "Dude!! Heroes are apparently everywhere here! There's even a league!"

"Yeah i heard-" Alt laughs with a shake of his head.

Now Bro notices Alt's hair color and mask and he gasps, "Alt!! Whats with the costume change- is that a hero outfit??"

Alt immediately blushes- "N-No! No- i uh.. I'm just trying to you know- blend in! The others mentioned it might be good to..." He looks away, embarrassed but trying not to show it.

Jackie glances back and forth between them. Then smiles at Alt. "Well I think you look super cool, dude!...That was unintentional, I promise." He giggles. "Seriously though, you'd look right at home in a comic book. Right, Bro?"

"Hell yeah dude! It's awesome! We can totally make a cool uniform for you back at home too! If that's what you want!" Bro is bouncing on his feet with excitement.

Alt still looks sheepish but he laughs quietly and looks back at them. "I'll... think about it." But then he sighs, "... we can't get too comfy though, Bro. We need to try to find Magnificent before he gets someone around here seriously hurt." Alt looks back at Jackie, "... the others mentioned someone called uhhh" He quickly finger spells out the name M-A-R-V-I-N. "and i.... i think that could be Mag's target if i had to guess... do you know where he might be?"

"Oh shit, right, you guys gotta get home." Jackie had been so caught up in knowing new supers that he forgot they had to go back to their home dimension. "Uh--hang on, let's get to somewhere less crowded." He glances around. Most of the onlookers have moved on by now, so he turns to the shop he pointed out to Chase earlier. The sign reads Jackson Legacy Crafts. "Come on, in here." He takes a key out of his pocket, mutters "I knew I had that in there" and unlocks the front door.

Bro and Alt share a look and then nod, following Jackie inside.

"Jackson crafts huh...? Guessing JJ owns this-" Alt muses as he looks around.

"Yeah, I was just telling your brother about this place. JJ doesn't run it right now, I don't know if he told you about the situation with... why he's staying somewhere else, but suffice to say he can't right now."

Alt nods, "Yeah- they mentioned a bit about it. About that villain that can use tech and stuff. that super sucks..."

The interior of the shop is basically empty, floor collecting dust. The back wall is the only thing that gives any indication that it was once used. Framed family photographs--and one poster of a super called Timekeeper--decorate the wall behind the counter.

"Okay," Jackie says. "I promised Chase--my Chase--that I'd call him once we found you, keep him updated. Actually, I'll FaceTime him so he can see you guys." Jackie takes his phone out of his pocket, still talking. "Anyways, nice to meet you, Alt! That glitching thing you do is really cool, I love how it looks."

Alt blinks and then looks bashful again at Jackie's compliments but he does grin slightly. "Oh! Thanks! And you're- god, I can't believe you're Jackie...! our Jackie can do cool stuff but i think he'd break every bone in his body trying to be a superhero." He laughs and Bro can't help but join in, nodding. "Yeah- we used to be mates in uni- but i re-met him trying to save his neck doing a dangerous parkour move."

Jackie laughs. "God, I can see myself doing that. I really can. The only reason I haven't broken my neck doing stupid stunts is because I can fly. Hell, sometimes I still get hurt." As he talks, he dials Chase's number. It rings for a while. Then it picks up, showing Chase's face. "Hey bro, did you find one of the other guys?"

"Yoooou bet!" Jackie turns the phone so all three of the guys are in shot. "Look at us all!"

Alt grins and then glitches a bit before waving. "Hi! I'm Alt!" Bro grins and wraps an arm around Alt and then gives him a noogie, even as Alt tries to glitch to get him off.

Chase laughs. "Hey, nice to meet you! My brother in another universe, apparently. Hey, since the other-me got to meet him, here's Frosty." Frosty shoves his head into frame. "And also since he keeps trying to get on my lap.”

Alt smiles, “Aw cute!” He’s a lot better around dogs now then he used to be.

“Anyway. What're you guys gonna do now? You have some villain to find, right?"

"Yeah." Jackie nods and looks back at the brothers. "You guys know more about him than me, what d'you think he'll do?"

Alt’s eyes darken and he nods. “Yeah… knowing Mag- he’s either gonna try to find a crazy big power source to drain… or he’s gonna go after this universe’s version of him… and try to kill him. Or drain him- or both.”

“Why he got such a grudge against himself is beyond me.” Bro mutters.

Alt shrugs, “self esteem issues I guess. But- that’s what he’s been aiming to do for the last couple of worlds.” He looks back at Jackie. “That’s why I think we should probably find Marvin… make sure he’s okay. I’m really hoping Mag has stayed knocked out for while but… I know we’re not usually that lucky.”

"Marvin?" Jackie blinks. "We know a Marvin. I--you guys probably know that by now, I don't remember if I told you but maybe JJ and Schneep did. I, uh... don't know where Marvin is, though. He's never told us where he lives. Or what he does, mostly. He has some trust issues, to be honest--"

Alt raises an eyebrow at this but then shrugs, “I guess I get that…”

“You were kinda like that when we first met-“ Bro quips.

“Only cuz I was being used and controlled by a cat bitch every other day.” Alt deadpans back. Bro shuts up.

"Hang on, bro, the messenger's going again," Chase interrupts. If the guys listen closely, they can hear the sound of pen against paper.

"Really? Okay, maybe JJ and Schneep figured something out, then." Jackie looks back at the others. "While that's going on. What do you mean by drain?"

Alt meets Jackie’s eyes and hums, “well- in our world. He’s a dark magician- and dark magic is serious shit. People who use it constantly are always looking for more power- and Mag can steal that power from other magicians or… what you guys call super humans. Or if he’s desperate- even take the life force of someone… taking out all their energy until they’re just a husk and converts that into magic power.” Alt shudders at this before continuing. “…I don’t know if he even can though here… life force maybe but… magic? I’m not sure… that exists here- from what I’m hearing.”

“That doesn’t mean he won’t try though,” Bro adds darkly.

Alt nods. “Yeah he’s ridiculously stubborn… and is convinced he needs to drain power from every world he can get his claws on. Mad quest for power and knowledge- you know- classic villain shit.”

Jackie is silent, pale beneath his mask. On the other end, Chase is also silent. "What the fuck..." Jackie whispers. "That's... that's different than an absorber or copycat... Those guys can't kill anyone. That's... that's fucked up."

"Supremely fucked up," Chase agrees. "Uh... to change the subject really quick. The message is done." He holds up a note in front the screen, then puts it down before anyone can read it. "Marvin's at the safehouse. He's freaking out because... well what do you know?" Chase laughs darkly. "Because he had some encounter with a weird absorber who kind of looked like him."

"Shit," Jackie curses. "Is... is he alright?"

"Message doesn't say. And we can't just ask them, you know that."

Alt and Bro don’t reply but their expressions reflect their grim acceptance. Alt’s eyes glow with anger as he hears the description. “Yeah… that’s probably him.”

"We should get to the safehouse fast, then," Jackie says.

"Yep. I'll hang up now so you can do that. Good luck guys." And with that, Chase is gone.

"Okay. You two. This is going to sound a bit weird," Jackie says. "How good are you guys with tunnels?"

Alt seems a bit nervous about the tunnels, “uhhh… depends on if it’s narrow or not. I don’t do good in… tight spaces.”

“I can handle a tunnel, I think.” Bro responds.

"I don't think it's too narrow?" Jackie says. "It's about the size of one of those underground maintenance tunnels. If that doesn't sound good, you can teleport to the safe house where Schneep and JJ are, you know where it is. Bro, I'll definitely be taking you to the tunnel entrance. It looks like a sewer entrance through a manhole, but it's not. It's also not suspicious to see heroes going underground, so don't worry about that. For all anyone knows, we're tracking down some arms dealers down there. We're going to take it to the safe house."

Alt frowns and then sighs, “it’ll be fine- I gotta save up my glitches anyways…”

Bro wraps an arm around Alt and grins, giving Jackie a thumbs up. “Alright! Let’s do this then~”

"Okay." Jackie nods. "Stay close to me. I'll show you where it is. It might be a bit of a walk, so be prepared for that." And with that, he leaves the shop.

Alt grumbles, “yayyy walking.” Bro nudges him with an eye roll before dragging him after Jackie.

-----------

It is not normal hospital policy to let someone go immediately after the SDER department treats them. But Magnificent has his ways. He walks out only about forty-five minutes after being admitted. The burn pain has not faded entirely but it has significantly lessened.

Magnificent had convinced the doctors that he was healed enough to leave so he staggers out of the hospital, thinking of all the ways he’s ready to tear that orange masked kitten apart. Wounding him that much, humiliating him! He was going to pay in the most painful way possible. Now… he just had to find him. …but how?

He's barely out of the hospital car park when something floats out of an alleyway toward him. It's... a flying robot, like the one back in the office building. But slightly different. This one is larger, about soccer-ball-sized, and completely black. The camera in the center fixes on Magnificent's face. A ring around it spins, revealing a set of speakers. "Where did you come from?" a computerized voice asks... a voice that almost sounds like a robotic version of Alt's voice, like someone used samples for the voiceback.

Magnificent jumps slightly and then he narrows his eyes at the robot. He opens up a hand just in case he needs to summon some magic as he eyes it down. “…I could ask you the same thing. What are you?”

"This is merely a device for communication," the voice says. "Called a Semi-Autonomous Machine. The fact that you haven't heard of it is suspicious. As is the fact that you appeared out of nowhere in the East SepTech location.”

Magnificent chuckles and eyes the machine. “Well- very clever. I guess machines here are far more advanced than I had anticipated.”

“Your face is not registered anywhere. Or, it is, but that cannot be you, because Spitfire Cat was there in person with you. My only conclusion is that you either come from somewhere very isolated, or you are not from this world at all."

“Spitfire cat huh… well at least I have some kind of identifier now.” Mag crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at the SAM. “So- your machines have caught me. But- you must have something else in mind for you to approach me outright. Who are you? And what do you want?”

"I prefer to remain anonymous," the voice says. "It has been my greatest strength so far. But if you must call me something, you may call me... Anti. I think that will suffice. As for what I want... I imagine you are planning to go after the man who burned you, are you not? I wish to lend my aid. It would be to my advantage if him--and others he associates with--were eliminated."

Magnificent’s eyes light up with mad glee. Ah… another Alt seeking his aid. How amusing… He smirks and shows off glowing eyes. “Is that so? Well then… I suppose we have a partnership then, Anti. Catch me up on what I need to know… and I can get rid of these pests for you.” Usually he’d ask for more in return- but the thought of revenge is too sweet to turn down. Besides… he’ll get his worth from this he’s sure.

The SAM's peripheral flicks like a tail. "There are four of them. Technically five, though the fifth is not a threat. You have already met Marvin Nedra, the Spitfire Cat, and his solid-heat energy that he forms into shapes and beams. The others are Chase Brody, who is but a normal human, Jackie Skye, who can fly and control air, Henrik von Schneeplestein, who can become invisible and intangible at will, and Jameson Jackson, who can produce strings to control other's bodies. Those last two are currently hiding somewhere I cannot find, some sort of safe house. Marvin is likely to head there as well after you absorbed his power. But if you wish, I can locate the other two easily. I've also armed this SAM with minor combat capabilities, if you require aid."

Mag can’t help but look impressed. “Your knowledge of your enemies is impressive, Anti. And very straight to the point.” He grins. “Send me to one of them and I can track down the other annoyances- I assure you. I’m sure my own are probably teaming up as we speak…”

A moment passes in silence. "Okay. I believe we should take out the weakest link. Chase is at the apartment building 88 Parker Street, in flat number 1010. If he is in danger, the others will come running. It kills time. The building is in that direction." The SAM's peripheral points down the street.

Magnificent chuckles darkly. “I like the way you think. Consider it done.” He sends a little cheeky salute at the SAM’s camera then starts to teleport down the path they indicated.

The SAM dips, like it's nodding its head. Anti says nothing as Mag disappears. The SAM merely rises into the sky and moves in that same direction.

-----------

There is a trapdoor in the hallway of the safe house. A knocking noise comes from it, and Schneep hurries over, opening it up. "I was wondering when you would get here," he says.

Jackie floats out of the trapdoor. There's a ladder, but he decides not to use it. "Sorry it took a while," he says. "But hey! We found these guys."

Bro follows Jackie’s lead and also floats out. Alt glitches up and then shakes himself out, grumbling. Bro laughs and then waves, “Hi guys! I’m Chase! Or Bro Fantastic~! Whichever you wanna use!” He beams.

Schneep jumps a little when Bro flies out, then laughs. “I see, I see. The resemblance is truly uncanny. Ah, Bro would probably be less confusing for me.”

Bro laughs and nods, "Fair enough!"

Alt half heartedly waves at Schneep. “Hey again-“

Schneep nods at Alt. “Good to see you again. I’m glad you found your brother.”

“Marvin is here, right?” Jackie says. “We need to ask him about the guy he ran into.”

“Yes, he and Jameson are in the living room.”

The group moves down the hall to the room in question. JJ is sitting on the sofa with a man in a white, orange, and red costume. He quickly puts his cat-shaped mask on when he sees Bro and Alt, but for a split second before, they saw his face, and it was familiar. “Whaaat the fuuuck…” He whispers upon seeing them.

Alt and Bro blink at the cat masked man and then Bro can't help but laugh, "Yeah that's a fair reaction!" He smiles, "Hi Marvin! I'm Bro Fantastic!"

"..m'Alt-" Alt mumbles then steps up, "Chase told us your message- can you tell us more about who attacked you?"

“Uhhhh… right.” Marvin is still clearly a bit weirded out by this, but he moves on. “Alright. I was in the East SepTech building—”

“Wait, what?” Jackie interrupts. “Why?”

“Becaaaause that McLoughlin guy is sketchy and you know it.”

“He is not. He’s just a bit weird.”

Alt and Bro exchange looks- wasn't McLoughlin Mag's former last name?

“I really don’t want to get into this with you right now,” Marvin says, looking like he very much wanted to get into it, “so I’ll just move on. Anyway. While I was looking around for… something, this guy appeared who… looked like me? If my face was all scarred up. He grabbed my wrist and… and I felt really terrible. Like my life was being sucked out of me. So I got out of there. I think I hit him with one of these on the way out, though.” He holds up his hand, and a small red ball of light appears, giving off a significant amount of heat. “A-anyway, he can teleport so I thought he’d follow me but I guess I hit him really good.”

Alt's expression darkens, "Yup... definitely Mag-" Then his eyes widen as he sees Marvin's power. "Oh woah-"

Bro laughs, delighted. "Oh! Sick power! I hope you made that motherfucker feel it~!"

Marvin gives a small little smile. “He really didn’t seem happy with what happened, I’ll tell you that much.” He curls his hand into a fist and the ball disappears. “JJ’s been filling me in on this whole multiverse thing. So that guy actually was me from another world, then?”

Alt slightly chuckles before nodding. "uh... yeah. His name is Magnificent. Formerly Marvin McLoughlin. Though- say that around him and he'll kill you. He's... bad news. And... if he knows you're this world's him... he's gonna try to go after you again... and probably do much worse than he already has."

“Not… happy to hear he’ll be back for me. Felt like shit after he did whatever… absorbing that was. But I’d be glad to give him a piece of my fucking mind.” Marvin replies.

"Yeah... he drains powers- or life forces if he's desperate... it's not fun... sorry he put you through that," Alt mutters.

“If we all look for him, we could overpower him, probably,” Jackie says. “Just through numbers alone.”

JJ frowns. You want me to help?

Jackie pauses. “Only if you want to, of course,” he says in a quieter voice.

“Bro, Alt, what are Magnificent’s powers?” Schneep asks. “We must be prepared if we are to help you confront him. Which, if he is looking for Marvin, we will eventually.”

Bro makes a thinking face, "uhhh what does Alt call it- freaking mind control bullshit-"

"Mental magic..." Alt sighs, "He can overpower the mind... hypnotism used to batter defenses- he can control you- turn you into puppets. Or.. if he has enough time... even turn you into a pet." He shudders, and in the dim light, the others can see Alt's eyes are almost reflective, like a cat's. "He can also summon other magic... fire usually- sometimes electricity. But, he'll aim to take someone down in his power first. Oh and- you saw, he can teleport, too."

JJ flinches when Alt mentions puppets, but he says nothing. And before either of the brothers can bring it up, Marvin says, “How many fucking powers did he absorb?”

“Marvin, no, he is not an absorber,” Schneep says. “Those are just his powers.”

Marvin blinks. “I’m sorry? What the fuck?”

“They are from different universes, the rules must be different there, I already had the breakdown you are going to have,” Schneep says tiredly. “Do not get me started on Alt’s technopathy and teleportation and fucking… spell circles.” He points at Bro. “I do not know what your powers are but I will bet they are just as confusing.”

Bro looks at Alt who just shrugs in response. “It might be a magic thing- magicians are close to being Jack-of-all-trades- some are expected to be even if they’re not made for it. Some specialize but… the circle likes a wide variety of powers under their belt.”

Bro thinks, “uhhh I think- I can kinda control the energy in my body- and I got an abundance of it! If I wanna run fast, I push it in my legs. If I wanna punch hard- I put into my fists! Flying… is kinda just something I’ve been able to do right away- but maybe it has something to do with that. Oh! And I can kinda use electricity and do like a cool electric bullet thing- but I hear it hurts like a bitch so I try not to use it too much.”

“Well in that case I guess the suggestion I was about to make about using Windstorm’s neutrinalin probably wouldn’t work,” Marvin says.

“I don’t want to use that anymore anyway,” Jackie says.

Alt hums, thinking. “…we’re still trying to figure out what we can use to stop him… usually- the rules of magic would stop him but he’s cheated the system. All I know is- Bro’s his biggest threat but we aren’t sure exactly why.”

“It’s cuz I’m a hero, duh! That’s just a law of the universe!” Bro laughs. Then the hero blinks, “What’s Neutrinalin?”

"Oh, it's a chemical that will muffle supers' powers when it's injected or consumed," Jackie says, sounding like he's quoting a textbook. "The League controls the making and distributing of it. I, uh... don't use it anymore because..." He glances at JJ and Schneep. "Well, uh... I didn't realize there could be... side effects. A-and even though the side effects don't appear for a while I... still don't... like to use it... after seeing them." He clears his throat. "Anyway, your powers are really cool, Bro. Sounds handy."

"I don't like this Magnificent's lack of weaknesses," Marvin mutters. "I mean... I probably could still blast his head off but--I mean, that's a last resort sort of thing."

Alt shudders, holding his arm. "I mean... that might could work but... he's also as hard to kill as a cockroach. and yeah- I dunno what will happen... if we did that." He looks anxious thinking about it.

"Also I don't kill, " Bro says with finality. "It's wrong. Magnificent has done awful things but... killing isn't the answer. Even if we don't have a name to his weakness.. it's something I can do- or Alt. Ive seen him able to neutralize Mag... he just doesn't get his powers as well yet."

"Not to mention we do not know what will happen to Bro and Alt's universe if all three of them do not return," Schneep says. "It may cause problems."

🎶 Dadada da dadada da dadada daa daa 🎶 Jackie jumps, surprised, then slowly settles back down to the ground and takes out his phone. "Uh... sorry..."

"You brought a phone here?!" Marvin gapes at him. "Did you not listen to Kanchana's safe house rules at all?!"

"Hey, there was no time to drop it off, I was concerned about you, dickwad!"

"Well thank you, prick."

Don't worry, they're not actually that mad, JJ says to Bro and Alt.

Bro smirks a bit, "Yeah no i get it- me and Alt bicker like that all the time."

Alt looks at Jackie, "...who'd be calling you here...?" for some reason, dread is starting to bloom in his gut. He has a bad feeling....

"It's Chase," Jackie says. "Which is weird, because he knows he shouldn't call me at the safe house." He pauses, also feeling that same bad feeling Alt has.

"Well... maybe it's an emergency." He picks up the call.

[theuniverseawakens347]

Lee, mother “dearest”

I know you’re wondering a lot…

Like how I know the day you “met” Tristan when inspecting Howard’s truck for “purchase” ( which you sold to Tristan January 2024 and told Howard to tell me it was your friend…Jim who bought it )…you texted him that day ( before meeting) telling him to “pretend” to date me until September to “get my hopes up for our future” …

Then started paying him September to finalize us “separating” ..then paid him AGAIN Valentine’s Day to delete his instagram to look like he “got back with Daisy/ done with me for GOOD …and paid him to “live” with her 🤣 BITCH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHO DAISY IS TO OUR FAMILY LINE. A DEATH PET. TO THE WALLACE BARTON FAMILY.

…also you paid for his trip to Turkey knowing he wanted his hair procedure as a means of…bribery to “get what you want..in the long run”

( which is us to not get married ) …

Me knowing these VERY specific details KNOWING I haven’t physically talked to Tristan makes you question ALL this being in fact VERY MUCH SO REAL.

…my granny had a similar conversation with you for my 15th birthday confirming some family truths, and you thought she was absolutely bat shit crazy, which you told Howard,

Then AGAIN when I was 15 before my 16th birthday and granny, Dee, Jose, Alexis and Brandi came over for dinner..when Lexi, Brandi and I left the house to get something from the car, you AGAIN, were told some MORE truths about the wallace name which again..you thought my grandma and WHOLE family was a nut job, and you talked with Howard that night how to prove me crazy in the future …KNOWING granny was speaking truth because Ben from Equinox had already approached you in your “ secret society” telling you EXACTLY who I am.

And again you’re going to wonder after reading THIS how I know that, since you as well paid off Ben to 1. Get me hired at equinox downtown and 2. Paid him off August 17th 2021- my time at clarity to not tell me my own life truth/ purpose and AGAIN paid him off this year to not talk to me AT ALL since our last training session early October 2023 ( ironically when you left for your BIG trip) - NOW

And during that trip you paid Michael and Andre to stash paraphernalia all throughout my room to make me look like a VERY BIG ADDICT ( BITCH I DONT SMOKE BONGS 🖕🏽…if you gon lie, AT LEAST MAKE IT CUTE BITCH! ADONDI 👽🛸)

YOU’ve also been paying Howard off since you were married to conceal certain things, like knowing WHO I WAS WHEN I CAME TO YOUR HOUSE, PAYING OFF NIKKI AND ASKARI TO “SELL” ME TO YOU OFF A FUCKING BRIBE OF GETTING THEN THEIR CURRENT HOUSE IN SHERMAN OAKS..IRONICALLY DOWN THE STREET FROM PAUL MITCHELL SHERMAN OAKS …

WHERE WE “TRICKED” YOU INTO TURNING ME BACK OVER TO RIGHTFUL FAMILY. WHERE I FUCKING BELONG - BLOODLINE.

And now after reading this..you’re going to play the guessing game with yourself.. who are YOUR missing pieces…who amongst “YOUR SIDE” IS MY BLOOD LINE FAMILY WANTING ME BACK …

And again..no ONE CAN TALK TO ME FACE TO FACE BECAUSE YOU PAID THEM ALL OFF AND HAVE THEM ON RECORD..

SO HOW THE FUCK DOES CASHAY KNOW THESE VERY SPECIFIC DETAILS…

Well just recently , yesterday 4/3/24 I HAVE YOU ADMITTING in front of two people that you in fact DONT believe I am crazy and making up things about who I am/ the universe…

But you “cleverly” OMIT the truth of your end … like bribing Preston to move me to San Francisco ( knowing i wanted to move there since Aja and I went to pride when I was 17) ..your best acting job yet “pretending” like you TRULY hated Preston and paying Howard to “back you up” on that..you even admitted in from of Michell cauley ON RECORD that you and Preston have friends in common… you tried to say you didn’t want me to go in front of Howard to cover your ass but behind closed doors you’re pushing me to go…the EXACT DAY YOU BRIBED PRESTON WAS WHEN YPU READ MY FUCKING COMPUTER ..WHICH WAS RIGHT AFTER THE THERAPY SESSION WOTH MICHELL WHERE YOU TOLD ME YOU KNEW ABOUT HIS “secret love child” and my emotions around it…AGIN INVADING MY PRIVACY AND READING MY PERSONAL JOURNALS …LIKE YOU DID AGIN THIS PAST TRIP TO THE PSYCH WARD WHEN YOU “MOVED” things to my “Storage” unit.

“HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW THIS” is what you were thinking during yesterdays sit down with Vivvica and Howard…

BITCH I TOLD YOU I AM TELEPATHIC.

I let Cashay communicate her hurt to you, the part of me that wanted you as a mother,

AND I LET ADONDI MENTALLY FUCK YOU ON THIS BLOG LIKE YOU’VE DONE TO ME ALL MY LIFE LIVING WITH YOU.

And most recently after sessions with Amy Perry, I have you questioning, if YEA IN FACT YOU ARE DORRIS JEAN BENNETT AND HOW THE HELL THAT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK …well

Let ME CASHAY tell you this,

If you have an open and honest sit down with me AND TRISTAN, ADMITTING TO YOUR PART ( THINGS I ALREADY KNOW BC I CAN AND DO READ YOUR MIND AS WELL AS HAVE ALL THE RECEIPTS I NEED TO BACK ME UP IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES )

I AS ADONDI, will “Gift” you…( as you like to call it for your FAT tax write offs ) THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW LIFE ACTUALLY WORKS ..how you are IN FACT DORIS HER SELF.

..I CAN hear you discussing with Howard RIGJT FUCKING NOW, “ how do [we] get out of this”

THIS IS THE ONLY FUCKING WAY OUT,

And if you continue to play me, YOU DROP THE BALL AND YOU’ll BE GOING DOWN LIKE DIDDY #JAIL.

From Doctors, therapist, teachers, family members , friends ..I HAVE ALL THEIR RECEIPTS.

I STRONGLY suggest your next move be talking with Cashay - ADONI / TRISTAN / FLORENCE

[criticalbennifer]

LA VIDA LOPEZ

Jennifer Lopez Gives the Lowdown on Marriage, Movies, and Ben’s Big Night Out

On the eve of her wedding, Jennifer Lopez speaks out about her past few tumultuous months–from the recent tabloid furor and the Gigli debacle to romantic infidelity, the beauty business, and, of course, Ben.

By: Aaron Gell

Oct. 1, 2003

Jennifer Lopez would rather not talk about the worldwide code-red state of emergency that is her personal life – the pending nuptials, the estranged former manager, the possibly misbehaving fiancé, et cetera.

Who can blame her?

“It’s our life, its not a television show,” the actress, singer and powerhouse multihyphenate says plaintively, sitting sideways on a creamy leather sofa in a set trailer in Winnipeg, Canada, where she’s filming the romantic comedy Shall We Dance? Her nut-brown skin is flawless as usual, her hair is pulled back, and she’s wearing a pair of grey sweatpants from her clothing line, JLo by Jennifer Lopez, and a white Cosabella T-shit – all to casually devastating effect. (Her engagement ring is, for the moment, stowed in a nearby safe while she works.) “Believe me, I’d like nothing better than to sit here and shoot the s— with you,” she adds, protectively hugging a throw pillow between her knees like a plush teddy bear, “but I also want to live a happy life.”

So, no. As to the particulars of the gown or the ceremony or the centerpieces, she ain’t saying. For that matter, she’s not about to admit whether she and Ben are having a spat, either.

Lopez, who turned 33 in July, ascribes this reticence to the breathless tabloid free-for­-all – complete with expert body-language analysis, handy relationship flowcharts and extreme telephoto close-ups of the most famous ring since Frodo’ s – that surrounds the couple’s every move and had, in the weeks preceding our interview, gone thermonuclear. “Literally, there’s someone shooting into my house with cameras,” she says. “I go out, and I’m going to be followed by six cars. All day long. You say to yourself, ‘It will pass. This is not who I really am. ‘But you’ re a person, and it hurts.”

Doing the occasional interview is fine, she says, part of the job. “But if you’re in the paper every damn day, people are like, ‘Who cares?’ And then nobody goes to see your movie!” She’s referring, of course, to the ill-fated Gigli, in which she and Affleck costarred. “It’s like, ‘Why should we? We see her every day,’ and then you’re like, ‘Wait a minute! That’s the only reason I’m doing this!’ “

“So we made a decision,” she continues, shaking her tight ponytail resolutely. “I’m just not going to talk about any personal stuff.”

That’s the plan, anyway. But there’s a problem. Well, two. The first is that Lopez’s personal life has always been so thoroughly intertwined with her work that it would take a team of arthroscopic surgeons to separate the strands.

Take for example, her new fragrance, Still Jennifer Lopez, the forthcoming launch of which is the sole reason her solidly built but affable bodyguard, B.O.B., has allowed a reporter to cross the carpeted threshold of her trailer in the first place. Not only does the perfume share its name with a love song from Lopez’s latest album, This Is Me…Then, but it recalls the chorus of the record’s hit single “Jenny From the Block”: “Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got/I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block” In addition to which, the scent’s advertising tag line, “In the eye of the storm, I am still Jennifer Lopez,” is an explicit reference to her rather remarkable poise amid the flurry of activity that – now more than ever – surrounds her. And the bottle’s elaborate packaging, featuring a removable faux-diamond ring perched on its neck, immediately brings to mind the $6.1 million pink bauble, custom-designed by Harry Winston, she received upon her engagement to Affleck. While insisting that the bottle design is not a reference to her own betrothal-“Why didn’t we make it pink, then?” she asks – Lopez concedes that the similarities are striking. “It did kind of occur to us later on,” she says with a laugh.

Such interconnectedness is the essence of Lopezland, a supremely polished multi­media hall of mirrors in which every facet seems to reflect in every other, endlessly amplifying the star’s own light. To wit, her four multiplatinum albums are largely auto­biographical, brimming with direct references to her romances with Sean “P. Diddy” Combs (who also produced her debut, On the 6), Cris Judd (who danced in and choreographed her TV concert special, “Let’s Get Loud”) and Affleck (who appears in the video for ”Jenny From the Block” and is the subject of “Dear Ben”). Meanwhile, such films as Selena, The Wedding Planner and Maid in Manhattan have-perhaps unintentionally bathed Lopez’s own oft-repeated biographical story in their fairy-tale Hollywood glow.

The second problem with the newly reticent, self-protective Lopez is that, frankly, it’s not her. She is, by nature, a defiantly unguarded person. As anyone who witnessed the sartorial game of chicken she played with that rainforest-green Versace dress at the 2000 Grammys already knows, circumspection is not really Lopez’s thing. “I push myself to the limits,” she says. “I take risks. I keep myself on edge. That’s just the animal in me.”

So, sashaying right up to the edge of her own vow of silence, Lopez eschews any direct wedding talk – refusing to confirm reports that September 14 is the big day – but seems happy enough to chat about the “major transition” about to take place for her. “I’m really excited about making more time for my personal life, and making decisions that aren’t all about me,” she says. “Just having another person; a family to consider; I am so looking forward to that in my life. I have been for a long time.”

From which one might well surmise that her relationship with Affleck is …fine? “Yes!” she affirms with a warm smile. “This relationship is the best thing in my life.”

The question has taken on some urgency of late, after The National Enquirer revealed that Affleck, who spent the summer filming a movie in Vancouver, had visited a strip club on the very night that the actor and his betrothed were seen gushing about their domestic bliss in a very special “Dateline NBC.” To be sure, ogling go-go dancers is something of a prewedding tradition. But it was the other details reported by the paper – that Ben had cheated on Jen with one (or was it three?) of the strippers, and that said dalliance might have been captured on video – that soon had People and US Weekly musing, in lemon yellow 80-point cover type, IS THE WEDDING STILL ON? and WILL J.LO FORGIVE HIM?

“For me, it wasn’t an issue,” Lopez says impassively of Affleck’s night on the town. “We talk every day. I know what he does, he knows what I do. We don’t have those kind of secrets. What they put in the paper is not what happened, so it doesn’t matter. But watching that get so blown out of proportion, I was like, Wow, so this is where we’re at: You can’t walk into a place and hang out with a couple of friends without it turning into a national scandal. It was ridiculous.”

Lopez adds that she never had the slightest doubt that the reports’ more salacious details were “straight falsehoods, straight lies,” as she puts it. “Because I knew he had gone! And I knew [the story was coming out] beforehand. He’s like, ‘Hey, the Enquirer is doing a story, and I called my lawyer today,’ and I was thinking, Oh, God. I knew it was going to be a big deal in the press, but I didn’t know it was going to be like that, the cover of eight magazines at once. It’s like, This can’t be that interesting. But I guess it was. We sat there and read the articles together and said, ‘This is just insane.’ It sounds ridiculous, if you read it. It sounds so stupid! It’s like, If you’re single and 21, you wouldn’t do things like that. It’s just crazy!”

Male infidelity has been something of a leitmotif in Lopez’s work-beginning with one of her first acting roles, on “Second Chances,” a short-lived TV drama in which she played a bride with cold feet. “I do,” she declares at the altar, waiting just a beat before adding, “have reservations.” As gasps erupt from the pews, she berates the groom: ”You slept with a stripper last night!” Likewise, her characters in both The Wedding Planner and Enough deal with cheating lovers, and any number of her songs explore the subject, most prominently her very first single, “If You Had My Love,” with the fierce declaration, “First of all, I won’t have you cheating on me.”

Despite which, Lopez scoffs at the notion that men are somehow evolutionarily wired for infidelity. “They can be faithful,” she says. “They just have to want to. I don’t think it’s natural for anyone, honestly. But it’s considered more acceptable for men to cheat. It’s like men go, ‘Oh, I can’t be with just one woman…,’ But hey, it’s hard for women too, you know? Hel-lo! It’s hard for us too! Which is why I think we give our men such a hard time. It’s like, Hey, if I can [be faithful], you can do it too. Trust me.”

That said, Lopez, who became engaged to Affleck before her divorce from Judd was final, does not consider fidelity to be the only key to a good relationship. “I think you have to be honest, more than anything,” she says. “Communication, fidelity… it’s all very important, but it depends on what kind of relationship you’re in.” Indeed, Lopez has admitted she suspected P. Diddy of cheating on her when they were together, and that she put up with it. “For a little while, yes, but not in the end,” she points out now, narrowing her eyes.

Which is not to say that there aren’t some fundamental differences between the sexes. “It’s the difference between ‘me’ and ‘we,'” she explains. “Men operate from their own universe, and women are focused on family, keeping it together. Because we’re caretakers by nature – we give birth, we have to take care of that baby – and men don’t have that experience. They have to bring home the bacon, that kind of stuff. Those are different sensibilities.”

In the “Dateline NBC” interview, Lopez set eyeballs a-rolling when she declared adoringly that “Ben wears the pants” in the relationship, but in light of the extraordinary power she exercises over her business affairs, Lopez makes no apologies for seek­ing a more traditional female role at home. “It’s about being able to feel safe somewhere,” she explains. “That doesn’t mean I’m not a strong, independent woman. But I think when you’ re in a relationship, you have to submit to a certain extent.”

That attitude is a far cry from that of Ricki, the lesbian organized-crime enforcer she played in Gigli, who jousts relentlessly about the relative merits of men and women with another hired gun, played by Affleck – before, inevitably, falling into bed with him. Given the vehement hostility the film aroused, it might not be out of line to attribute some of the response to the sexual insecurity of male movie critics (still the overwhelming majority) unnerved by the sight of a beautiful woman, in the midst of a rather suggestive yoga routine, comparing their anatomy to a “sea slug.”

Indeed, one of the few critics who dared to say anything nice about Gigli was a woman, Variety‘s Amy Dawes, who says her write-up prompted readers to flood her inbox with hate mail and her boss, Peter Bart, to relieve her of her reviewing duties. “I felt like the Dixie Chicks!” Dawes says. “It’s not like the war in Iraq, it’s a movie – but there was the same intolerance of a differing opinion.”

Lopez suspects that the media obsession with her love life had a lot to do with the film’s poor reception, something she’d feared for months. “I kept warning my mom,” she recalls. “I said, ‘Mom, we’re gonna get killed.”‘

Asked how she thought such immortal lines as “It’s turkey time-gobble, gobble” and “My penis sneezes” would go over with audiences, she laughs. “It’s genius! Look, I thought it was risky, but I also felt it was juicy,” she says. “It was tough stuff to work with.” As for playing a lesbian (albeit a wobbly one), Lopez didn’t hesitate. “It didn’t define who she was,” she explains, “so it didn’t bother me. To be honest, if I actually had to do a love scene with a woman I maybe would have thought twice about it, because I’ve never done anything like that, in real life or on film. That would have been a thing like, Am I going to be able to let go that much? But it wasn’t in the script.”

As for the final product, Lopez thinks it still hasn’t gotten a fair shake. “People are saying there was no chemistry,” she says incredulously. “That’s insane! There’s crazy chemistry! Look, I’m tougher on myself than any critic can ever be. The movie had places where it didn’t work, and that’s fine. Review that. But don’t just be an ass to be an ass, you know?

“I really think it will have a resurgence on cable!” she adds. “Now people may look at me and say, ‘She’s totally off her f—ing rocker,’ but hey, that’s my theory.”

There’s little chance the film will do lasting harm to her career, but Lopez has often admitted feeling that her Bentley convertible could suddenly turn back into a pumpkin. “This business breeds that type of sensibility,” she says. “There’s always somebody there to take your place –they tell you that the first time you walk into an audition. You’re only as good as your last this or that, and you have to have something in the can.” She does: Along with Shall We Dance?, which costars Richard Gere, Lopez will appear in Jersey Girl, again with Affleck, and in the forthcom­ing Lasse Halstrom drama, An Unfinished Life, opposite Robert Redford.

Even so, it’s hardly surprising that Lopez is feeling especially vulnerable these days. In addition to the tabloid rumors and the Gigli mess, she’s in the middle of an acri­monious split from her longtime manager, Benny Medina, whom she says called recently to check in on her. “He said, ‘I just want you to know I’m always your friend and I’m always here for you,'” she says, growing a bit misty. “With all the craziness going on, that really meant some­thing to me. Benny was one of my best friends. Right now the wounds are still fresh-for both of us. It’s a transition period for me and for him to move on to a different section of our lives without the comfort of each other. Business is not easy, but I think it was really important for my own growth to kind of let go of the crutch.”

As it happens, Medina isn’t the only casualty of recent personnel changes in Lopez’s camp. She replaced her publicity firm, Rogers & Cowan, with Dan Klores Communications, a firm known for its crisis-management savvy. And on the agency front, she has raised eyebrows in Hollywood by bouncing from ICM to Endeavor to CM and back to Endeavor in less than a year. “It’s not as complicated as people make it out to be,” she says. “I’ve been doing a little juggling. You have to put the right people in place for your team to feel good. After getting out of that comfort zone I was in for a long time, I have to be a little bit more hands-on about decisions. To be honest, I feel a little orphaned right now, but I think that’s part of growing. The people I’m working with now are really smart and good at what they do.” Even so, when asked if she’s got the mix right, she admits, “It’s too early to tell.”

Despite all the turmoil, Lopez remains a world-class superstar at the top of her game. The well-received This Is Me… Then, has spawned two Top 10 singles. Her first fragrance, Glow by J.Lo, launched last September, is a run­away success. According to Catherine Walsh, vice president of the cosmetics company Lancaster, which markets Glow, the scent is ranked No.1 globally in terms of units sold ”You don’t come across a Jennifer Lopez every day,” Walsh says. Expectations are therefore quite high for Still, which includes notes of sake, Earl Grey tea, honeysuckle and sandalwood. And the fragrances are just the beginning of an ambitious House of J.Lo beauty line, including cosmetics, skin care and hair products. (Not bad for a woman whose fragrance career started at a nondescript shack in a Bronx parking lot – “Like one of those places you see that says FLATS FIXED,” Lopez recalls-where she peddled bootleg versions of Poison and other blockbuster scents of the day.) This fall the company is introducing something called the Glow Kit, a promotional sampler based on the makeup Lopez sports in the scent’s marketing materials. “The idea is to say, ‘You can capture this look,'” Walsh explains. “It’s a way to test the waters.”

Meanwhile, after a shaky start, Lopez’s Sweetface Fashion Co. is beginning to find some traction. The company’s president and CEO, Denise Seegal, describes the line as “sexy, clean, fun, girly clothing,” adding that the recently launched accessories line is doing well and that handbags, intimate apparel, footwear and outer­wear are also on the drawing board for 2004. ”Jennifer has been so successful in the past two years, and that has added a positive halo to the total branding,” Seegal notes. “But the product itself, in order to have longevity, has to be the best. Whatever happens regarding a film or a CD, the brand has to stand on its own.”

Lopez agrees. “When you put the name J.Lo on a piece of clothing,” she says, “you have a lot of stuff that comes along with that. That wasn’t my choice. I fight it to this day. Because ultimately, it’s not about my name, it’s about the product.”

Indeed, from her point of view, the whole J.Lo thing has gotten way out of hand. “I was never like, ‘Call me J.Lo!”‘ Lopez insists. “I named the album J.Lo, but now I think I was crazy. When something sticks like that, you really just don’t quite understand it, and you want your name back. You’re like, ‘Please, call me Jennifer. I was fine with that for 20, 30 years.…’ ”

Besides, ”Jennifer” carries none of the baggage associated with “J.Lo,” which brings to mind the whole music-diva persona that has bedeviled Lopez for years. It’s a reputation her friends and colleagues say is unwarranted. “Sure, she likes her diamonds, and there’s that bling-bling side to her,” says Elaine Goldsmith-Thomas, who before becoming a partner at Revolution Films was Lopez’s agent at ICM. “But there’s also a side of her that’s very simple and caring and vulnerable.”

“I like dressing up and being glamorous,” Lopez says. “But for somebody like me, who really didn’t have that much, to have things is fun. It’s just really base and simple! I like looking nice. But I think people want to judge a book by its cover, and they just go, ‘Ugh, what a diva. Just look at her!'”

Notes Goldsmith-Thomas: “If being a diva is getting up at five in the morning, going to a movie set, leaving to go work on an album, then going home and doing the whole thing again, then fine. But I’ve never seen anybody work as hard as her. She worked for every opportunity she’s ever had. She wasn’t given anything.”

As a result, Lopez has an unshakable confidence in her own point of view. Goldsmith-Thomas was herself fired by Lopez after one too many disagreements (among other things, she argued strenuously against The Dress). But the two maintained a tight bond; Goldsmith-Thomas, who produced Maid in Manhattan, brought the film to her former client and still gets together with Lopez for the occasional TV night, including a recent “Mary Tyler Moore” marathon. “Jennifer will listen to other opinions,” she says, “but if you try to tell her the rules, she goes the opposite direction.”

As Lopez says matter-of-factly, “I always try to explain to everyone I’m in business with, the usual rules don’t apply to me. I’m just in a different thing, and I have to go with my gut on every specific little issue. I just make my own rules.” For the most part, the approach has worked marvelously. On the refrigerator in her trailer, Lopez has taped up a collection of supportive clippings sent by relatives over the past few difficult months. One, a newspaper horoscope for her sign, Leo, sums things up fairly well: “Your life is about to change for the better,” it reads. “You are now on the throne and will be able to rule all that you survey. Your patience has been tested, but it will be worth it in matters of love and career

[letterstochiangmai]

what I tell myself.

call it a lie to myself, a perspective, a view, an opinion, a truth, a story, a musing, an anecdote. 

a year ago something deep and dormant laying in yourself was reignited, and like a volcano that had been lying quiet for awhile - unaware of its own ability to cover itself in hot burning lava, hurting itself, the land around it and the people that had been thriving off its minerals and all the good that it had given - erupted into the darkness of addiction and depression. 

I ask myself multiple times what I had done or contributed to this darkness, selfishly, ask why I seem to always be in the centre of someone close to me suffering from these perils that knock them down, that knock me down and at the same time I am the one trying to throw that rope down to save them, pull them back up, struggling, the rope is tied around my waist, was it always tied to me and had I been careless, ignorant enough to let it go? 

I remember always telling you that we will go through hardship. I expect it, we will go through a period of time where you / me will feel like we’ve fallen out of love, that life will get difficult (as life does) and that in general - no matter who you’re with, there is no perfect relationship and life will hit you in the fucking nuts. but the difference in it all and what will pull us through is that we make sure that try - that we aim to get through this together and that see that the love for each other is enough.

I wonder if you stopped seeing me as part of your journey as your mind started to break down upon itself so badly that you associated me with all things bad that was happening to you. that you felt that rightly so, I should be the one saving you even if I was unaware and ignorant to the darkness but I wasn't. I was pushing you away, or leaving you, without a clue in the world and somehow your mind made up that I wasn't the one who could save you. 

I wish you had told me. I wish you had faith in me that I would've been the one here right now with you, by your side at eery minute, holding your hand, wiping your sweat, giving you the kisses and the hugs that you need. 

instead in your mind your association to me has been tainted, tainted now by bad memories and the belief that I am no longer the one who could save you. that you’ve chosen a blank slate who comes with no knowledge of your history, no big opinions of anything as she knows not the 5 years of the shit we’ve gone through, and give you all the natural musings and whisperings that you desire to hear. 

you chose instead something easier, and not something better. I wonder if again, when something else breaks in the relationship further down the line, you’ll leave, again, for something newer, easier, whatever is best to give you comfort for yourself in that time. 

unable to seek comfort in yourself, but at the same time unable to turn to those who still love you, who support you, to work through things, get better. 

we were so unlucky that our relationship coincided with the worst time of your life, and me, inextricably intertwined with this demon, Ive become the demon, the enemy, the cause, the trigger, never allowed a chance again to show the healing, love and support that I've always had, if you had given me a chance, if only I knew. 

[wellnesscard]

okayyyy heres my rant about a lil bit of chicken fried a cold beer on a friday a pair of jeans that fits just right and the radio on

gooddddd. i lowkey/highkey hate my jobeven tho there isnt much "real" to hate on as compared to several other places ive quit. its just not my favorite. its mind numbingly boring and repetitive and still half the other managers loose their shit about doing the expected days work. i say other managers bc i am a manager which i didnt realize was the position at all until a couple months in, and if i decided to not do the training id get my pay cut from $14 to like $12. and that fuckings irks me bc had i known i was going to be responsible for ppl and things i wouldve asked for more koney when they hired me but that ship has sailed and i fuckt it up bc i thought i was going to be a line cook. and ig they need managers soooo bad they literally just paid for my serv safe n all that jazz. and i swear half the ppl that work there are fucking retarded like the last manager in training failed serv safe three or more times.. then when i passed everones like congratulations that test is really hard u did it! im like i have to get the fuck out of here Fast ohmygod. and i work with devon and its mostly fine but also drives me nuts occasionally. like were so together he just forgets stuff like telling me im manager in training or training me on any management shit at all before im supposed to start running shifts solo. im just frustrated by a lot and i want to quit but i know i probably shouldn't because its so fucking easy and i can get away with virtual murder there . its also a tiny cage of a kitchen, constantly overstaffed, and feel a bit trappt by a) devon going out n getting this job for me when we moved bc he already worked there n is buddies with the GM, and b) the GM being such a sad ass self-conscious redhead who has also just handed me a ton of free goodies. tbh they do quarterly raises and maybe if i negotiate to 15.50 ill be more okay with it all. that is/has been another struggle is making my own relationships w these people bc devon knew them all first and is a bit more boisterous than me and im trying to push past some of these codependent habits ive ended up with (started crying at this bit so u know were getting close to the truth) which is so fucking Hard when you work at his job working the same shifts or when were not i.e. today and i start crying waking up bc i have to go in alone and be manager which i never fully got trained for and be 1-on-1 with his sister who also works there and who i love but also can be very intense and volatile esp lately bc she started dating this girl whom is ..... kinda a dick ngl so thats obvy stressful. anyways yes avoiding codependency is Hard when thats the morning n he says anything i can do for u? and i half joking say work my shift? n then he does -_- and i feel like i should've just been a big girl. like if i worked a job different than my husband he wouldnt be able to cover my shift, its just the unique workings of This Fucking Place. which im fine with. i think. the walk there is amazing, even if i perpetually smell like fryer oil. fr watch me get mauled by a boar or bear omw home next week cos i smell like a snack walking home thru the woods. whatever at the same time its easy as pie and if i work it right i never have to buy groceries.

[the-unending-journey]

So I meant to add my own answer onto this yesterday (and reply to people) but then a severe headache + exhaustion happened. ANYWAY (going under a readmore because there's gonna be a lot)

Kiyo never really got to know her birth father, since he ended up getting killed trying to defend their hometown from the Garlean forces invading it. And then she ended up losing her birth mother to them later down the line when Kiyo was still pretty young.

She's mostly gotten to know her actual parents through her older brother, Ryunosuke, because he didn't want her growing up not knowing what amazing people they were. While their mother, Nobuko, was a bit of a troubled woman due to her past in Hingashi, she was still a gentle soul with strong convictions that made sure to instill the same into her children. It was also because of her that Kiyo gained a love for the healing arts

Kousuke, their father, was a big-hearted Doman country boy that actually came from a long line of samurai. While serving under some snooty lord for the rest of his life wasn't really for him, he did pledge to be a guardian of sorts to the little hometown he ended up settling down in (along with a small handful of others). He was never one to back down from a fight and would always protect those that couldn't protect themselves... which unfortunately is what cost him his life. Even still, he was the reason Ryu wanted to fall into his footsteps and learn the ways of the samurai and protect people

I still haven't fleshed out Lucinne's husband yet (other than being a simple tradesman and possibly even a bard), but as for Lucinne herself? She's kinda considered one of the other black sheeps of House Haillenarte, mostly because she just doesn't quite fit the whole image of being a stuckup noble like a good chunk of other Ishgardians. Mama Lucinne absolutely takes no shit from anyone, especially uppity whippersnappers thinking they can bully others just because they think they're important. And while she disagrees with a LOT of Ishgardian beliefs and culture, she does still have her pride as a knight and has no qualms about teaching others on what REAL knighthood is. She also has a big heart that's filled to the brim with love for people, especially her odd little family and friends

Kiyo has two older siblings (used to be three but... shit happens), though Ryu is the only one that's actually blood related to her. I don't want to go into a lot of detail since this is getting wordy as is, but he's extremely protective and dedicated to the very few people he holds dear. This is mostly his family and the love of his life, as he struggles with making actual friends due to his standoffish nature. Even still, if you manage to break through his walls, you'll have a loyal friend for eternity that WILL break someone's nose for you

Evianne was actually the first child Lucinne adopted before finding my lizard siblings. She's actually one of my girlfriend's OC's, so I can't really say much on her, other than she was one of the many orphans living in the Brume. If it hadn't been for Lucinne finding her, she would have died from sickness. Both her and Kiyo are selectively mute from their personal traumas, and is one of the reasons the two bonded quickly and are very close to each other. They have their own personal little sign language to speak to each other, which drives their brother nuts sometimes

Kiyo absolutely does her best to keep in touch with her mom and her siblings, especially when the WoL shenanigans start happening (hell Ryu has even joined her on some occasions to help with Scion business)

All in all, family is just as important to Kiyo as her friends are and she wouldn't change hers for the world

Still trying to crawl my way back into XIV so here's a simple WoL/OC question - their families! What are they like? Do they have any siblings? Are their parents still around? Are they still in touch? Just anything really

I'll add onto this with Kiyo's when I'm not trapped at work

[binart]

BINA WHAT??? YOU HAVE OCS?????? TELL ME MORE I LOVE OC CONTENT (Klance will forever feed me BUT-) THEY LOOK SO CUTE WHO. ARE. THEY.

😳😳😳

.....YOU WOULD KNOW MORE OF MY BOY.......?? TRULY????

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH HAPPY DAYS YES!!!!!!!! I TOO SUBSIST ALMOST ENTIRELY OFF OF KLANCE, BUT OCs HAVE PROVEN TO BE QUITE A DELIGHT ALSO!!

FOR REFERENCE, HERE IS THE PATHETIC LITTLE MAN IN QUESTION:

wait i have too much to say, i have to put this under a readmore

OK!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! i love him so much and i don't have many opportunities to talk about him, SO YOUR ASK IS APPRECIATED!!!

his name is E'li Leam (pronounced EE-lie Leem) and he's a Miqo'te from that MMO i really like FFXIV 🤩

Miqo'te are basically cat people (WHICH I MEAN. I GUESS I'M A FURRY NOW?? OK), and he's what's called a Seeker, AKA SUN CAT!! There's moon cat people too but don't worry about it.

Seekers have names that start with their tribe letter (26 in total, each one representing one letter of the alphabet), so for example Raha of the G tribe would be called G'raha. Only close friends and family can drop the tribe letter and call them their given name! Male seekers will also have either Tia or Nuhn after their names, with most being Tias! This is because Nuhns fuck like crazy and are the only ones who are allowed to LMFAO

LISTEN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

anyway E'li is your typical 32 year old shonen protagonist who woke up ~7 years ago with Retrograde Amnesia and was found in a giant forest by its resident magic rats

THESE FUCKIN THINGS. they're called moogles. if you've ever played a final fantasy game, you know these guys. ANYWAY they saw this random grown ass man with a GIANT SCABBED OVER HEAD WOUND who wouldn't respond to anything they said and were like "hey let's take care of him kupo, lol"

AND FOR MONTHS THEY LOOKED AFTER HIM. ate together. snoozed in cuddle puddles together. got fucked up on Kupo Nuts together. it was wild. they found him with a big ol explorer's backpack, and alongside a White Mage Soul Crytal (RARE AND PRICELESS ARTIFACT ALLOWING ITS OWNER TO ADEPTLY WIELD CURATIVE MAGICKS!!), they found a shitty harp inside with A NAME CARVED ON THE SIDE.........

THE NAME...?!? "Eli". there was a notch in the wood that MIGHT have been an apostrophe?? they're moogles though they don't really give a shit. SO THEY JUST START CALLING HIM E'LI.

Pronounced EE-Lie.

The correct pronunciation of E'li by Seeker standards is EH-Lie.

This incorrect pronunciation of his own name would routinely cause him significant embarrassment down the line.

anyway. They're fond of their weird little man, but after a few months the moogles are like, "hey if he's really good at healing magicks and we can't teach him how to read or write, maybe let's give him to the people in the Quarrymill. They'll take care of him." and so they deposited their Weird Son into the care of the people of the Quarrymill, who essentially hired him on as the resident healer in exchange for food/shelter/education because HOLY SHIT,

THIS GUY CAN HEAL!!!

you wander near him with an injury? BOOM he's there and suddenly ALL THAT AILS YE BE NO MORE!!

whatever life he lead prior to his severe head injury clearly included healing people. he also took to reading and writing extremely quickly, so it was assumed he was some kind of scholar?? Though he wasn't particularly fond of speaking, and learned Eorzean Sign Language because VOCALIZATIONS WERE WEIRD AND BAD.

so this guy spends like half a year there. DEVOURING BOOKS. Learning of the World At Large. Starts longing to see the rest of it.. the Quarrymill residents are hesitant to let their Weird Little Man go, but accept it & tell him he must call himself E'li Tia to all who ask.

(In his mind Tia and Nuhn both sound incredibly stupid, so he decides his surname will be Leam A.K.A LEAF ---> BUT ONE LETTER CHANGED. ((he was looking at a tree when he decided this, and it would ALSO cause him no end of embarrassment down the line)))

SUDDENLY, GOD (A SENTIENT CRYSTAL IN THE CENTER OF THE PLANET) REACHES OUT TO HIM AND IS LIKE HI. LISTEN GO OUT THERE AND SAVE THE WORLD.

E'li is like o..k... and starts his journey to become an Adventurer.....

and then gets to a place called Limsa Lominsa which SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, THEN IMMEDIATELY GOES BACK TO THE GIANT FOREST PLACE AND DOESN'T LEAVE.

GOD CRYSTAL actually told a DIFFERENT set of people to go save the world like FIVE YEARS AGO, and a bunch of stuff happened but TLDR; GOD CRYSTAL'S GROUP OF CHOSEN HEROS WHO ONCE TRIED TO SAVE THE REALM BUT WERE SPIRITED AWAY...!!!

find the strange little healing cat man one day during their adventures. their leader, Meteor (!!!!!! YES MR MAIN CHARACTER GUY HIMSELF), looks at him and this is how their meeting went:

and SO BEGAN THE JOURNEY OF THESE FIVE WARRIORS OF LIGHT, WHO WOULD GO ON TO SAVE THE REALM FROM MANY DIRE THREATS...

THEN METEOR DIES, E'LI THREATENS TO KILL THE OTHERS ON SIGHT FOR LETTING THEIR LEADER DIE, BANISHES THEM FROM THE SCIONS OF THE SEVENTH DAWN (a group of characters who like.. do good stuff For The Realm and all that), AND PROCEEDS TO SPEEDRUN PTSD AS THE NOW SOLE WARRIOR OF LIGHT

buncha stuff happens... E'li goes to War, does PTSD: The Again, GETS ISEKAI'D and does Saving the World: 2 but THIS time his best friend he made just before the God Crystal Group disbanded shows up and is like "I'M GOING TO DIE FOR YOU!" and he's like "???? I'M LITERALLY INSANE CAN YOU PLEASE NOT MAKE IT WORSE"

buncha OTHER stuff happens...

and currently him and his Best Friend (he didn't actually die) are now life partners who just want to go on adventures and take naps together.

BY THE WAY, HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA IN THE CONVENTIONAL SENSE. GOD CRYSTAL ACTUALLY JUST YOINKED A 1500 YEAR OLD SOUL FROM THE AETHERIAL SEA (THE AFTERLIFE BUT IT'S REAL, AND IS INSIDE THE PLANET), MADE A COPY OF METEOR'S BODY, MADE IT A CAT MAN, SHOVED THE SOUL IN IT, THEN SHUNTED IT BACK UNTO THE MORTAL COIL TO GO FIGHT FOR HER. HE LANDED HEAD FIRST ONTO A FUCKIN ROCK AND SHE WAS LIKE "OOF, MY B. ANYWAY I'LL BE IN TOUCH"

when he realizes this, E'li decides he is not fond of god crystal.

AND SO THAT IS THE GIST OF MY LITTLE BLORBO. my pathetic little man. my sweet cheese, my rotten soldier etc etc. HE'S KIND OF A FREAK and i absolutely adore him.

i will continue to chronicle all the little problems i give him, desperate for anyone who will look my way and be like "oh yeah, pretty cool"........... and i thank you for reading LMFAO

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Heyooo, I love reading your stuff, it really lights up my mood, whenever you post! I would like to know some hcs for how the boys would flirt with their crush or how they would try to make moves on them. Thought that would be interesting <3

awh! Thank you so much! I'm really glad my writing has a positive effect on your mood. Hope you're doing well, babes! <3

Leo

so Leo is a little old fashioned

also piss scared of making a fool of himself

so he waits, tests the waters

....unless he's had a few but that's a story for a different time

He'll say a lot of things like "atta' girl/ atta' boy" to see how you react

see if you like his encouragement

he makes it so known that he's there for you

"I'm always here to listen if you need it, y/n" or "come on, lets talk about this in private"

likes to get you alone so his brothers don't see him acting different around you

because they would rip the shit outta him if they knew he had a crush

tries to get a feel for what you like

a hand on the knee here, a long hug there, a few lingering looks

he eventually comes to find that- none of this fucking works

he has to turtle up and actually ask you

but he does it in his own very Leo way

he's giving you a pep talk

hyping you up for the day because you slept on the couch the night before

"Rise and shine, and lets go get 'em!" that kind of energy

but then his gaze softens on you, and he goes all quiet

so you ask what's wrong

and he has to come out with it

Raph

ohhh no, not the shy little teddy bear who doesn't know how to express feelings

this one's a tough nut to crack

because he knows he has a good body, he'll show that off in front of you

walking around shirtless all the time

or just in a towel after he's showered

he starts wearing cologne for you!

one he got off line that's supposed to have pheromones or some shit in it that people get off to

asking for your help to spot him in the gym

the others see right through that because you're a tiny human compared to him, how the fuck could you help with the weight he's lifting?

sitting next to you all the time, physically shoving Mikey out the way to get that spot next to you

the ol' yawning to put his arm around you trick

walking you home

he just wants your time and to know that you want to be around him

but he's self conscious

he thinks there's no way you could ever have feelings for him because he's a mutant turtle and you're human

it goes on like this for months

he's so hot and then cold

gives you all of his time or won't come out of his room if you're there

eventually you just sit on his lap and give him a big kiss on the cheek and he gets it

Mikey

oh you don't have to wonder if he likes you or not

this man could not make it more clear

the nicknames!!

sugar, baby, babycakes, angel, doll, "light of my life and loins" at one point

that was a weird day tho

he's always so close to you

he doesn't really know what personal space is

picking you up when he hugs you and spinning you around

pulling you down on the sofa next to him

hands on your waist and hips and shoulders and everywhere that isn't inappropriate tbh

offering you his stuff all the time

"come on, y/n, orange is your colour! Wear my t-shirt to bed"

any chance he gets he leans in for a kiss

he's not very subtle

but you always think he's joking because "that's just Mikey"

it's not until he's having a bad day and asks you to come over that you get it

it's not just him being a flirt, he actually wants you

you're who he wants to see when everyone else is mad/annoyed/frustrated/aggravated at him

you're his "comfort blanket" as he put it

Donnie

oh sweet angel boy

does not know how to win you over

love is probably the only science he's clueless in

but he observes you

sees when you're running out of your fave shampoo or lotion and picks some up for you

tells you he'll repair that hole in your jumper that you haven't bothered to fix yet

see's when you're running low on a drink and hands you another one

he just wants to be there for you

show you he's reliable

stable

good for you

he's so shy tho

there isn't much talking going on between the two of you

he'll stutter and blush and chirp and then cover his mouth with embarrassment

but the others see right through this, they know how he feels about you

so they gang up on him

physically carry him to you and plonk him down in front of you

"Donnie has something to say"

he freezes

eventually the words come out

in a very confusing and convoluted way

but he gets the job done

[docholligay]

On your post about Jewlet being so wanted I've been curious- does it bother you at all when Jet calls your baby hers? I don't know I think it might bother me? If I had tried that hard and that long? I know you two are close it just I don't know. I think I'd be jealous? Or possessive? You don't seem to be, and I admire that.

Well, a couple things:

If it bothered me, it wouldn't be happening. That sounds arrogant and all, but I am very very good at drawing lines in the sand and setting up boundaries. If it hurt me, I would tell her to stop, and if she wouldn't, well, we have reached an impasse, and it may be that we have to renegotiate the terms of our relationship. I have many negative qualities and in some ways I am very annoying to have as a friend, but one of the GOOD things about having me as a friend is I'm very direct and honest! You don't often have to guess! If I say something doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me. If I say I don't care I don't care. I am not passive-aggressive, and I am not sulky. So, Jetty doesn't have to worry if it's bothering me, because she knows very well I would say if it did.

I don't need to be the only one in Jewlet's life. I don't want to be the only one in Jewlet's life. I want her to have a wide and expansive group of people she feels happy and comfortable and loved and like she is with family with. I want her to be able to rely on a lot of people. What if something happens to me? I want Jewlet to be able to get up and dust herself off without too much trouble. I want her to be other people's baby as well. She looks just fucking like me it's not like I need to worry about that ahaha. I can't on one hand extol the virtues of community and then be like, "oh but I get to be most special"

I'm gay! Wait for it, I'm getting there. When I got pregnant, it was with the idea that someone Jewlet would never be genetically related to would be her mother, also. It's not a big jump for me to imagine a large web of people who are very much her family, and who very much have a claim to her, I think, that are not me, and not related to her. The idea that family is unbound from blood is not a problem for me, and in fact I think I'm actually fairly on the extreme end of "fuck blood". If I hold that, I have to live it.

I am not a very insecure person about my tight connections. I can be insecure about other things--I am human--but my daughter and I have a pretty good, I think, relationship, all things considered. We have dance parties together because I'm the hyperactive member of the family and I can get in her little hamster tubes when no one else can and I take her to Albertson's and, you know, we have our special things. Sometimes I make her nuts, and sometimes she makes me nuts, but mostly we have a good time together.

Being my daughter's mother is not all I have going on. This is actually the reason I work! We could probably net have more money as a family if I quit work totally. But I would be sad. I think me having something that defines me as a person, that gives me purpose and identity, outside of my child, is very very healthy for me. That's why I work and teach shit and all of that. It makes me matter as Doc, not just as Jewlet's Papa.

Anyway! This is why, no, it doesn't bug me, doesn't make me jealous, at best I tease her about it, "Oh sure! She's YOUR BABY until she has a poopy diaper" or something, the same way she teases me. My family is my family, and though I DO occasionally want to pop every single one of them in the mouth, they are Jewlet's family, too.