#going back to uni after lockdown

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

What if I were to dig up my suicidal John fic that I started like 2 years ago. What then. What if I were to mega project on him once again.

[anouchard]

hi! i think you're cool! i wanted to ask how you got into voice acting? it seems really interesting to me but i have no clue how to get into it.

Hi! Thank you! I try.

Basically:

• Went to drama school. Loved trying accents and reading passages aloud (always have).

• Went into lockdown.

• Friend from uni introduced me to Magnus (I'd also started Critical Role).

• Came out of lockdown. Did a couple of sessions of VA at drama school. Fell in love and decided I wanted to give VA work a go.

• Heard the name of my improv teacher in the credits for Magnus (hey, Ian). Messaged him saying "how?". He said "e-mail them". He backed me from day dot and gave so much good advice.

• E-mailed RQ. Graduated (summer 2021). Bought a Blue Yeti. Tested it using "test, test, test, one, two, three ...".

• Started applying for and getting unpaid VA gigs. Got my first paid one NYE 2021.

• Auditioned for jobs (got rejected for the most part, but got the odd job or two) for 1.5 years (was also doing TIE and film stuff, as well as working three day jobs and putting together a one-woman show).

• Auditioned for Gwen on a whim.

• Went on a weekend away. Considered letting acting take a back-seat as I wasn't getting anything.

• Three days later: was offered the role of Gwen.

It was a very specific and personal journey, which wouldn't have happened had people not backed me, had I not sent e-mails, and had I not terrified myself with how badly I wanted to do this.

My main advice overall, though? Just try it. Keep an eye on social media for casting calls, message people to be put on their casting databases, and get some material recorded. After that a lot of it's luck (wishing you plenty of the good variety!).

[emrikae]

aot cast modern au jobs in my head:

eren: cybersecurity specialist. i feel like erens one of those kids that suck in subjects like lang-lit or fucking geography but have an impressive talent in anything techi. i think growing up eren was a competitive gamer and i imagine him being pretty rich in the sense where doctor daddy grisha and also big bro zeke are always spoiling his brat ass with the latest technology. he gets so good, he initially goes into uni wanting to become a game designer but after a brief fallout with his dad when he dropped out and eventually had his allowance cut (a period where i think eren dips into underground hacking and also modelling?) he falls upon the sexy salary in cybersecurity (and saw how thrilling- and damn easy !for him! - the job is) he changed course. i think eren eventually builds his own successful company and becomes one of those rich folks who say that school aint shit.

mikasa: president of a major sports team. mikasa takes over pretty young (like early 30s) after old uncle kenny was involved in some ‘reiss scandal’. initially mikasa was labelled ‘princess’ (derogatory) by dumb angry hooligans who thought a woman would curse their current standing, jokes on them cus that same season the club broke their 20 year curse by reaching the championships. i also think old pictures of gothkasa gets leaked on the internet but it only brought her more praise. but i actually dont think mikasa stays in this job for very long, shes always wanted a quiet simple form of income anyway so when her baby brother comes of right age and maturity she passes the baton to him and lays back as just a shareholder before shes even 40. i also believe mikasa in another universe wouldve loved to be an archivist.

armin: celebrity marine biologist/activist that went viral online during lockdown. he gets his own fanbase and is termed ‘biologist bae’ cus of his cute looks. a tv producer who fell into his corner pretty much fell in love with him after seeing armin deliver a spiel about endangered dugongs. invites him to a bunch of talk shows and the viewership goes so high (a large portion of it being teenage fangirls who want to ‘save the ocean’ too!) he manages to score his own show where he eventually meets his future wife.

annie: senior tv writer who got with armin after working with him on his show. she usually works on sporty reality shows and competitions even though shes a big time introvert. known for her sharp dont fuck with me work ethic, annie gags at how easily she fell into ‘biologist baes’ charm, hates how shes just like the 14 year old fangirls who try to sneak into their shoots. but anyways, annies the ace at her job been going hard for about 15 years but ultimately decides to retire early after having her second child and really liking how ‘biologist bae’ was making enough dough for the whole family.

sasha: influencer cus shes so pretty and fun. was a design major so all her vids have a ‘aesthetic’. now she prettily promotes lifestyle hacks for all the girlies. she also has a set of vids called “what my chef husband cooked for me today” . i think also further on she ends up being one of those moms who shoots vlogs and reviews with their kids.

jean: jeans a classy guy with artistic talents so i imagine him being a successful automotive designer for a luxurious car company. a mommas boy, he used his first fat pay-check to buy his mom a sleek ride thats a little too fast for someone her age. dudes insta page is what you’d expect from a posh car enthusiast with flashy posts of either him, his car, his mom or all 3.

connie: real estate party man. he really climbed his way up and becomes a man of many stories, friends with everyone and plenty of connections. the old hustle got him familiar with the best locations in the city, and now with his excellent salesmanship dude manages to sell at least 3 huge properties a week. i also feel like connies one of those dudes to finally settle down in his 40s -50s (with someone half his age).

historia: i believe queenbee was made for wedding planning. she has her own company before her first job ever but damn is she good at it. being brought up filthy rich, historia is familiar with the highest quality of things, knows whats on the market that only the small percentage of rich people know and will get clients their dream wedding to a t. moreover, she also loves to play cupid (canon!) and is always up to planning her friends weddings (and baby showers, and birthdays parties, and…)

ymir: i imagine ymir being on the board of directors for a bunch of ngos. she had a tough upbringing, was probably moved around from one home to another and could see how hard life is for anyone working at minimum wage. she grew up to be a little spitfire in school, hadnt taken it seriously until she reached senior year and bonded with a school staff named Ms Ymir Fritz. With the wisdom and kindness she learnt from her old teacher, ymir wanted to pay it forward and decided to make a living helping those in need.

reiner: idk why, but i feel like reiners a softie at heart and i imagine him having a nice cozy candy shop. probably fighting old childhood demons and the parental neglect he faced, his cute little shop comes as part of his healing journey to compensate what he missed out on in his youth. its sweet (but a little heartbreaking) that reiners favourite part about his job is getting to witness and be a part of the joy that emerges between families when they enter his shop.

bertholdt: a nurse just cus i think bertholdt would know how to be gentle with the patients. hes got a soft way of speaking that makes vulnerable people feel safe and comfortable. hes also wildly knowledgeable in flexibility and keeping your muscles in good shape that he conducts morning stretches and sometimes yoga in one of their recreational halls.

[bimir]

it's not something strange or unique to say that after the last haikyuu movie, most of us got into it again, but at the same time, I know for sure that I'm not the only one who benefits the most from this re...union.

I went to see the haikyuu movie alone, and at first, it didn't hit me that much. maybe it was because I couldn't help but wonder how much I would have enjoyed it with my best friend, but we are grown-ups now and long distance.

after a couple of days, the internet was full of haikyuu content again, just like during lockdown, and because of that, I also got into it again and realized how much of a masterpiece it is.

haikyuu is well known, but in my opinion, it is underestimated and categorized by others as just a silly volleyball-sport anime. it saddens me so much that there are so many people who will never get to embrace this piece of art.

Furudate not only created a coming-of-age story, a story that inspired and still inspires generations to fight for their dreams, to engage in the complex mess of relationships, teamwork, and partnerships. haikyuu teaches you that if you really do have a dream, and if you are really ambitious, if you work hard for it, your time will come too. but it also teaches you that not choosing to be great is not a tragedy; your dreams of what a good life means can be different from the ideals of others: "life is unfair, but damn it, at the same time, it is really fair too."

so why did I go on writing about this? because I can't comprehend how haikyuu manages to be there for me at the best time—or the worst, better said—how it really took its "comfort anime" title seriously for me. I started haikyuu in my last year of high school: extremely stressed, depressed, and anxious, so scared of what the upcoming end would mean for me that I'd tricked myself into living by coming to the conclusion that I'd simply not make it to 18 if I didn't see a future for myself. it seemed only fair and the universe would do its thing, no? I know, kinda depressing and triggering, but it did help that miserable me then, it did help but not in the way I prayed it would. the universe didn't send me "death," it sent me life and hope through haikyuu. feeling so empty, so bland for such a long time, haikyuu managed to make me laugh and cry. it doesn't sound like much, but real ones know what I'm talking about. seeing their connection, their ambition, the troubles and feelings I was so desperate to put into words right in front of me saved me from my misery. I began to wish to live, to wish to be like them, to wish to fight, to wish to connect again with people.

now, after almost 4 years, I'm in my last year of uni. the main reason for my depression back then in high school was because I didn't know what to do with my life, what uni and career to choose. hell, I didn't know I would take this path until last autumn, but here I am, on my way to becoming a teacher. it's hard, really hard, but right now, after the new movie, I finally committed to start and finish the manga even though I knew bits and pieces of what happens. it was the best time to read it now. over these 3-4 years, I pondered why I couldn't start getting into the manga and see for myself what happens, but damn it was the best time to read it now. seeing them go all out on their path, learning that in order to succeed you need to fight and fight and fight, to push through, to overcome your limits, to push yourself, to not take it easy if you really want it, came at the best time as I got into a slump and a burnout from learning too much but also not learning enough. I've got to see all of the characters continuing to be pros while fighting for their way, but also choosing to let go of something they once loved in order to live a normal life.

haikyuu is like a reminder that there is more to life than just your high school/childhood years, that your path could take a 180-degree turn at any point, but at the same time, it makes you appreciate those times and not want to sweep your childlike wonder, your growth, and mistakes under a rug. Furudate was a genius for creating haikyuu, and I really hope and pray that haikyuu will continue to be there, to comfort and save future generations until the end of time.

[notwiredforthisworld]

Somewhere in 2012, a friend introduced me to a boyband she liked. I had no idea who they were. I hadn’t even turned 10 then, and I didn’t have social media. She played me a few songs, and I remember not getting it at first, and telling her that I didn’t like it. I loved music, but I never really cared too much about getting to know artists, so her obsession didn’t really make sense to me. But for some reason, when I got home that day I searched ‘One Direction’ on youtube. I watched music videos, interviews, fan compilations. I fell down a rabbit hole of fanmade lyric videos until I knew every single word to every single song, in a language that wasn’t even mine. I still say that I learned more english from one direction interviews than I ever did in school. I’m not sure where or why the obsession started. Maybe I just wanted to fit in, to like the thing that all of my friends liked. But somewhere along the line, it became so much more than that. It was their music, playing on a loop in my headphones, that helped me drown out everything wrong around me. One Direction was the reason I fell in love with music, the reason I joined social media, the first fandom I was in. It was the reason there were even others, the reason I met so many people. My best friends.

When One Direction announced a show in my country, in 2014, my friend went to see it, even though it was halfway across the country. I was 12 at the time, and I begged my parents to go. They said no. Their excuse was that I was too young, and neither of them understood a teenage girl’s obsession with a boyband, and if I’m honest with myself, I can now understand they probably couldn’t afford it. So they said no. And they promised me that next time I could go. A year later, I was leaving a music class with that same friend when one direction posted a statement about Zayn leaving. I cried the whole way home. I think that was my first heartbreak. The year after, they split up, even if 13 year old me would yell at everyone who dared mention it that it was a break, not a break up. I changed schools that year. I lost touch with that friend. A lot of things changed, but my playlist didn’t. It never did. 15 year old me started high school in a new place, listening to that same band, with the same posters hanging on the back of my door, just as excited for solo releases as I had been for one direction.

In 2019, when Harry announced a show in my country, that friend was the first person I called. The show was postponed, due to covid, but I remember 17 year old held on to those things like her life depended on it. I think in a way, it did. During lockdown, I got closer to the fandom than I had been in years. I was straight out of high school, I was lonely, and lost, and 18 year old me found in old videos and online communities the same sense of belonging she had found at 10. In 2022, me and my friend saw Harry together. I think a part of my teenage self was healed that day. So the year after, when Louis announced a show in the same place, 20 year old me skipped a uni class to buy tickets. It was the first concert I went to alone, and I sat on the floor of an arena during my favorite song, crying in the arms of a girl I never saw again. I hope she’s okay. That’s still one of my favorite moments. In 2023, Niall announced a tour without a stop in my country. 21 year old me drained her savings to fly to Ireland and see him there. When my mom argued, I told her she didn’t get to complain, because she hadn’t let me go to a show when they were still together, and if there would never be a next time, I would have to see all of them. Whatever it took. Until there was a next time. As I write this, the fact that there will actually never be a next time is hitting me like a brick.

Out of all of them, I probably resonated with Liam’s music the least. Right now, it’s bittersweet to realize I fell out of it, because of that and because of everything that came out after. Right now, 10 year old me is grieving. But so is 12 year old me, waiting up for music video releases. So is 15 year old me, going to high school with four playing on her headphones. So is 18 year old me, watching x factor videos when she got sad during lockdown. So is 22 year old me, coming to terms with the fact that one of the people she looked up to the most is… maybe not that good of a person.

One Direction has been a part of my life for longer that they haven’t been. I don’t remember a single moment, a single age, a single milestone, that they weren’t a part of, in some way.

So right now, I’m thinking of Liam’s family, of his friends, of his child. And I’m thinking of the boys, now men, that changed my life so profoundly, without ever knowing who I was. And on another note, I’m also thinking of Maya, and the women who came forward, and who will definitely feel the weight of this, even if they shouldn’t, even if it’s not on them, because that’s the way the internet works. I know that, because one direction is why I joined it in the first place. And it changed my life. To a degree, it changed my entire view of the world.

It’s a conflicting feeling. Grief usually is. But this type of grief… there’s no guidebook. How do you grieve someone who was never actually in your life? How do you grieve a face on a screen? A voice on a track? And specially, how do you do so while knowing so many things that you just can’t accept? Can’t support? That go against everything that is your beliefs? It hurts. It hurts that he’ll never get the help he so clearly needed. It hurts that the people who have always brought me the most comfort got their hearts broken in a way that was so drastic, so painful, so definitive. It hurts that it’s so definitive. So final. I think that’s the worst part. The little tiny part of me that has spent the last almost 10 years trying to believe it wasn’t final… just got told that it is. And it hurts that it feels like it’s not acceptable to be hurting like this.

I used to think about growing old one day, being in my 50s or 60s and having to read news like this one. But we were supposed to be old. We were supposed to have time. I wasn’t supposed to be 22, grabbing my phone to a text from my friend asking if I’d heard. If I was okay. I’m not.

I can’t listen to One Direction right now. But I hope 10 year old me can still turn the volume up when her parents are fighting in the next room. I hope 13 year old me can scream the lyrics to midnight memories at her friends’ houses. I hope 16 year old me can curl up in bed listening to made in the am everytime she needs someone to be there for her, like she always did. I hope 18 year old me, starting college alone in the middle of the pandemic, can rewatch San Siro and quote every line and find comfort in the nostalgia. I hope 20 year old me is screaming along at all the solo concerts. You’ll never see the 5 of them. I’m sorry.

In the end, my heart is with everyone who personally knew and loved Liam. And then it’s with us. The ones who grew up with him. The ones who found a sense of belonging in playlists, and stan accounts, and fanfics, and concerts. Because we’ll never get a next time. The boys will never get a next time. And I’m not really sure how to handle that thought, because there was supposed to be time, for all of us.

We were supposed to have a next time. Liam deserved a next time.

There was a whole lot of history there, after all.

[onlyinmy-ass]

First time you took it in the ass?

So I've told you guys before that I have not yet had a real cock in my ass, only toys and dildos but I've never told you what finally made me take the leap

Obviously I'd been watching anal porn for months before, tbh even as a teenager it had always been a part of my usual watching (though I probably didn't understand how it worked because I was So Innocent and Naive) but I didn't try anal until I was at uni

And it wasn't actually porn that made me try, it was a TED talk 😂 I don't remember fully what it was about but it was something in the vein of "stress is ruining people's lives" and the woman's opening hook was "at least a third of you will go home tonight and stick a finger up your bum" because it was relaxing and felt great and everyone should take risks in life

So after watching her talk about stress relief and make jokes about anal.... I tried it

I used my tiny bullet vibe, which was my only toy at the time, and had a go and yeah

It wasn't anything wonderful or whatever but it broke that mental barrier and then a few years later (probably 2020, during lockdown) when I got a proper dildo I had another go and oooof it was so much better, so I got plugs and more toys and have never looked back

All because of a joke in TED talk on stress

[pensat-i-fet]

Attention seekers (Pedri x Reader)

**I got this request and my writer’s block suddenly disappeared. Funny that, right? 👀🤷 Anyways, the story is set in lockdown-ish times but that isn’t the plot but what kickstarts the plot. Hope you guys enjoy it!! ❤️❤️ **

Word count: 3115

Masterlist

Wattpad

“So it’s cancelled? Yeah, I get it. Hopefully, you won’t feel too bad. See you soon”.

You hung up the phone feeling so annoyed by the change of plans. After all the months of lockdown, it was possible to travel again and you had planned a trip with your uni friends. But now one of them tested positive and both she and all the others had to stay home. You didn’t see them since your exams were done, so you knew you were fine but…what were you going to do for your holidays now? Your family was going on a cruise with some friends of the family and you couldn’t think of a more boring plan.

“What’s wrong, princess? You look sad”, said your dad when he saw you sitting down, phone still in your hand.

“My holidays have been cancelled because all my friends have to quarantine. I guess I’ll stay here. There are worse places to be”.

“Come with us. There’s room for one more”.

“I don’t like cruises, dad. Besides, you’re travelling with people I don’t even know”.

“Nonsense”, he said, and you could tell he was not going to change his mind. “You know them. We used to be with them all the time”.

“Yes, when I was a baby. I don’t remember any of it”.

“Well, they are great so why don’t you come with us to Barcelona to see them and then if you don’t want to go on the cruise, you can come back here and be all alone. But give it a try”.

“Ok”, you said, rolling your eyes. It wasn't as if you had better plans.

                                       **

A lot of the stricter restrictions had been lifted, but you still needed to quarantine before travelling abroad. So the families’ plan was to stay at the house of one of the kids in Barcelona since that’s where the cruise will be leaving from. It was apparently big enough for all of you because he was a rich football player now. You couldn’t care less about those things.

“I can’t believe you don’t remember Pedri”, said your mum.

“I do”, laughed your sister.

“Well, you’re older…”.

“Yes, and I also remember because you two were so funny together. You were either throwing things at him or trying to kiss him”.

“Don’t say that in front of him”, you told her but her smirk told you she was going to tell him the moment she could bring it up.

“I’m sure you’ll get on well, honey. He’s a great kid and so is his brother”.

You nodded at your dad’s words, already bored of hearing so much about Perfect Pedri. It was going to be a long trip for sure.

When you got to his house you couldn’t lie and pretend you weren’t impressed. He really was doing well. And also, a big house meant it was easier to avoid people you didn’t want to see so it worked for you.

After all the greetings and all the “oh my God! I can’t believe how tall and pretty you are!” comments, you excused yourself to your room. People never realised how shy you actually were and being surrounded by strangers, even if they weren’t completely strangers, wasn’t so easy for you. Plus the heartbreak of missing out on your dream holidays with your friends was still too recent.

After a little nap, you decided to head to the kitchen to ask when dinner was going to be ready and if they needed any help. But the moment you left the room, you bumped into a body and your phone fell to the floor.

“Sorry”, said Pedri, reaching for your phone and taking a quick look at the screen before giving it back to you. “Carlos? Is that your boyfriend?”

“No. Give that back”.

“Sure. I was sent to tell you dinner will be ready soon”.

“Ok, thanks”.

You tried to move but he got in your way. What was his problem?

“I remember you”.

“I don’t remember you”, you said back, trying to walk again but he was still blocking the way.

“Our parents got the photo album out. You would like to see some of the photos. There are a lot of just you and me. It looked like we were good friends and seeing them made me remind you”.

“Great! I guess my sister already told you about me hitting and kissing you. Glad I wasn’t there to be embarrassed”.

“Kissing me?”

Crap.

“Let’s go eat”.

You managed to leave that uncomfortable conversation and made your way downstairs, trying to remember the way to the kitchen. The last thing you needed was to get lost.

“You were nicer in my memories”.

                                            **

Being stuck at home was a familiar feeling for everyone now but when it was someone else's house…

"We could go read in the garden", offered your sister.

"Sure, let me pick up my Kindle".

Everyone else was also in the garden, of course. You walked past Pedri and Fer and saw they were playing football.

"Doesn't he get bored of kicking a ball all the time?", you asked your sister but it was Pedri who answered.

"No, I don't. Do you want to play with us?"

You looked away, shaking your head and heading to the chairs where you could do some reading.

"It's like a reversal of what used to happen", said Fer, laughing at his brother's expression.

"What do you mean?"

"As kids. She was always following you around and trying to get your attention. Now it's you doing that".

"I'm not doing anything. Just trying to make her feel welcome".

"I saw your face when she got here yesterday. You didn't believe me when I told you how pretty she was…but now you do and want some of her attention".

"Whatever. Besides, she has a boyfriend".

"She does? Her parents said she didn't".

Pedri thought about the messages he saw on your phone when he picked it up. Whoever Carlos was, he was definitely flirting with you and you were flirting back. So boyfriend or not, you had your eyes on someone.

"I thought we were going to read".

"Huh?"

"You're glued to your phone. Who are you talking with?"

"No one", you said. Because you weren't, really. You were just checking if Carlos had answered any of your messages but he hadn't.

He had tested negative and you offered to go back to Castellón to be with him but ever since you said that…silence.

"Is it Carlos?"

"Just leave it! Stop getting in my business!"

You didn't want to raise your voice but your sister was always trying to get you to talk about everything. And you didn't like that. The more people tried to pry into your life, the less you wanted to share any details with anyone. Why couldn't they understand you would talk when you felt comfortable?

When you got to the kitchen, you bumped into Pedri again.

"Are you following me or something?"

"What? I was getting an ice cream from the kitchen. Do you want one? It's getting really hot".

You shook your head, walking into the kitchen when you noticed him grabbing your arm to stop you.

"You don't have to run away from me. I don't bite".

"I guess you are used to the fangirls following you everywhere but I'm not doing anything because of you. I just want to be alone".

Pedri was getting annoyed by the way you treated him.

"Have you seen my sister?"

"Yes, she went inside after letting me know again how much she dislikes me".

"Why would she dislike you?", asked your sister, surprised he was saying that.

"She barely looks at me when I speak to her, always being so…I don't know, arrogant and cold".

"Don't take it personally. She's really shy and struggles with new people".

Pedri nodded. He guessed that made sense.

"And…she wasn't supposed to be here. She was going on a trip with her friends but one is sick and the rest are quarantining. And the guy she likes is a dick".

That caught his attention. "Is he?"

"Yes. He's always leading her on and then stops talking to her for weeks. Until he's bored again and wants some attention. But if I try to tell her she gets mad at me. Like she's right now. And also, she had a bad experience with a football player".

"When? What happened?"

Your sister laughed again, remembering how mad you had been. "She's studying to be a journalist in Castellón and got to do an interview with a Villarreal player for an assignment. He was…well, asshole doesn't begin to cover how he was. So her opinion of you guys is a bit tainted".

Pedri nodded, noticing his ice cream was starting to melt and used that as an excuse to go back to the garden.

He didn't expect you to be so complex. Thinking you were just being bitchy to him for no reason was easier but now he was intrigued. And not just because you were pretty like his brother said.

                                          **

[You]: do you know if you're going back to Castellón or not yet?

You didn't expect an answer from Carlos, seeing the last 5 texts in the conversation all came from you and he had left you on read all 5 times.

[Carlos]: can you Facetime?

[You]: yes!!

You ran to the bathroom quickly to check how you looked before running back to the bed to answer his call.

"Hey! How are you?"

"Been busy. You?"

"Bored", you laughed. "Can you save me from going on this boring cruise, please?"

Carlos didn't have time to say more before you heard a knock on your door.

"What?"

"We are going shopping", said Pedri. "Do you need anything from the supermarket?"

"I don't know. I'm busy now …".

"We are leaving now. Don't complain later about us getting the wrong milk or whatever".

"Who's that?", asked Carlos.

"The guy who owns this house, he…", another knock. "Pedri! I'm on the phone. Leave me alone!"

"Pedri? Like the Barça player".

"Not like", you said, rolling your eyes. "The Barça player".

Carlos' face annoyed you. He was looking at the screen as if you were stupid.

"Sure. You know famous players and stay in their houses. Right".

You got up and walked to the door, opening it and finding Pedri there, waiting.

"Look", you said, pointing the camera at him.

"Who's that?", tried to ask Pedri before Carlos lost it.

"Oh my God! It's really you. I'm a big fan, man. Can you sign a shirt for me?"

He guessed that was Carlos and between what your sister told him and the way he heard him talk to you, he was already bored of seeing his stupid face.

"I don't have any shirts here. Sorry", he said, tone dry.

"I could send one. Or I can go visit you guys in Barcelona if you are friends".

Pedri's response was to move your phone away from his face and look at your surprised face.

"Do you want something or not? We can't be here all day waiting for you to be done talking to your boyfriend".

"He's not my boyfriend".

"Good. You deserve better", he said, loud enough for Carlos to hear.

When he left, you closed the door and went back to your bed.

"Well, he's a dick".

"I have to go, Carlos".

"Are you coming to Castellón then? I'm bored. No one is here".

Yes. You deserved better.

"No. I'll stay with my family".

You picked up your mask and ran downstairs, hoping they hadn't left yet.

"Can I go with you?", you asked Pedri and his mum, who were on their way out.

"If you want to go, I'll stay. I'm really tired", said his mum, leaving you two alone.

"Are you driving?"

He nodded and you followed him to his car.

"I'm sorry about Carlos. He's…well, he …".

"He's an asshole".

"Yeah", you said, looking away.

"I'm sure you can do better than someone like him".

"You're more optimistic than me, then", you said, laughing sadly.

"Why do you say that?"

"The last months have been tough".

"You could say", he said, making you laugh.

"I mean, apart from that. I'm shy and meeting new people drains my energy. So going to a new uni, and meeting new people, …it was hard enough before lockdowns and all that. And I guess I've been guilty of just settling for the first person who is nice to me a few times".

"It can happen to anyone".

You looked at him and saw no judgment in his face.

"How was it for you? Moving to Barcelona, I mean. Leaving your teammates to meet new ones. I guess it's a bit similar to changing schools".

"It was hard at the beginning. I can be shy too but it's better now. The squad is really nice. I got lucky".

"That's good to hear".

You kept driving to the supermarket in silence but thankfully it was a short drive.

"I have a list", said Pedri showing you his phone, "but get whatever you want".

It was your first time shopping there so you just followed him and kept putting things you liked in the trolley. Then you noticed him moving and hiding behind you.

"What? Did you see an ex or something?", you asked, trying not to laugh.

"Worse, a group of kids with Barça shirts. I don't mind them asking for photos but you are here too".

"I don't mind either…".

"They'll say I was with my girlfriend if they see us together".

"Oh…right. Keep hiding then".

You couldn't help but laugh seeing him scan the aisles before walking.

"Pe…", you started to say his name but were freaked out like him, so you grabbed his arm instead. "Sorry for being so rude to you. I…it's no excuse but I don't know how to interact with people sometimes and get all snappy".

"It's ok. Your sister told me".

She did?

"I'm sorry anyway".

You couldn't see his mouth because of the mask, but the way his eyes wrinkled told you he was smiling and that made you smile back.

Maybe the holidays weren't going to be that bad.

                                          **

The days after your trip to the supermarket were pretty uneventful. You still had to stay home and spent most of the time in the garden but the tension you felt staying at Pedri's surrounded by people you didn't know disappeared. Your parents were happy to see you were being more confident and just the normal you they knew and loved.

"Now that we have sunscreen there is no excuse. We're working on our tan, little sis".

Yeah, well…that was an excuse because you didn't want to wear a tiny bikini in front of everyone. The beach was one thing but the garden? It felt weird. But only to you because everyone else had been just wearing swimwear all day. Everyone but you.

"I don't know…".

"The green one", she said, ignoring you while she looked into your suitcase. "It looks so good on you".

Tired of the comments about how you were boiling under the clothes, you took the bikini from her hands and put it on.

You wrapped a towel around your body and followed your sister to the garden. Pedri and Fer were in the kitchen making some drinks for everyone. You put the towel on the grass while they were carrying the trays out and if it wasn't for Pedri's dad's good reflexes, the tray his youngest son was holding would have ended up on the floor.

"Careful!"

"Sorry", he said, looking away from where you stood, applying sun cream to your body.

Fer noticed the reason for the near accident and chuckled.

"Ask her if she needs help applying cream on her back".

"Shut up".

But no matter how much he pretended to not be affected by your presence, everyone noticed. And after many whispers that confused you, they managed to find a way to leave you two alone in the garden.

"And then there were two", you joked.

"Yeah", now it was his turn to act shy.

"Am I going to have to throw things at you like when I was a kid? To get your attention?"

"I'd prefer if you tried to kiss me again”, he muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. I'm just distracted, I guess".

"I think I get now why people get annoyed when I don't look at them while I speak. It's pretty unnerving when you do it".

He took a deep breath and turned to look at you.

"It's hard to look at you right now".

"Am I that ugly? Really?", you joked but he didn't laugh.

He shook his head and you noticed him looking at you. Really looking at you. His eyes going from your head to your toes and then back to your head again.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable when you notice you're almost making me drool".

"Am I?"

Now he nodded, looking at your face to try and see your reaction.

"I'm not uncomfortable. You can keep looking".

He nodded again. "You can look too".

That made you laugh. "I've been looking for a couple of days. Keep working on the gym. The results aren't half bad".

After your little confession, Pedri put a towel next to yours to lie down. And you both talked about the most random things. Just entertaining each other. His company felt nice. Way nicer than Carlos' ever felt and that only showed you how much you were wasting your time trying to impress him.

"Dinner is almost ready, kids", said your mum. "Why don't you get ready? We're watching a movie afterwards if you want to join us".

Pedri got up and offered you a hand to do the same, which you took. Wrapping your towel around your body again, you followed him inside the house.

It was back to walking in silence until you got to your room.

"See you in a bit", he said when you opened the door. But instead of getting inside and closing it, you grabbed his arm to pull him inside with you. "What …".

"I wanted your attention so I thought, should I throw something at him again? But then I realized it would be rude to do that in your own house and I'm rambling again because being shy sucks".

He was biting his lip, trying not to laugh.

"So anyways, I'll do this instead", you finished saying before kissing him.

"I don't think you have my full attention, sorry. Maybe try again?"

[merrrrrrrrry]

I've just been crying so much since yesterday so I decided to put this into words. I don't know if anyone ever even notices my blog. Uni happened and life has gotten very busy. When I first got onto tumblr, just before lockdown, it was because I was struggling a lot. I was going through something very tough at the time that I've not spoken about and I was depressed and this was the safe space I had away from real life.

When 1d was active I wasn't a big fan, I just listened to their music casually so I didn't know much about them. When I got hear, it was because I had found H's solo music and loved it and then gradually discovered louis' after that and eventually through my mutuals here I rediscovered one direction and all of these incredibly talented guys.

I'll be very honest, I have listened to Liam the least outside of 1d. Some of his songs are very pretty but most aren't to my taste. So what I knew about Liam and the image that was formed of him back when I was new here during lockdown was that he was the guy who did volunteer work and donations. all of his stuff for trussel, and food banks and charity concerts and nhs stuff. That's all I knew about him, he's the one of 1d who provides the most visibility to these causes. Of course I learned much more about him along the way.

But that was the very first thing. To hear that even hours before he passed away, he was on gofundme just makes the most sense because that is my enduring image of the man. I don't understand my own grief. I can't comprehend this tightening of my chest and my head hurts and I don't even know how writing any of this even helps. My partner was the one to tell me he passed away (yep i have a boyfriend now <3) and I immediately thought to myself, I should stay away from tumblr, it would devastate me and I have exams going on. But I couldnt stay away and coming on here and seeing all the stuff you guys have shared has helped a little with these confusing emotions. Thank you guys for inadvertently being a safe space again. I love you all.

and Liam, i love you, i didn't know just how much. I hope you are at so much peace now, I don't really believe in the afterlife but I know you would continue to be a comfort and a guardian angel in death as you were in life to so many. rest in peace and harmony kind soul

[the---hermit]

06|05|2023

5/50 days of productivity

Today was an emotional rollacoaster. I think I realized something about myself that I don't like. After things died out with my ex best friend (it's almost the anniversary of when the shitty situation that was dragged out for months started so I also have that in mind) I found myself with close to none social life. I am introverted I can deal with spending most of my time alone, but losing the one person who I relied on closer to me triggered a moltitude of thinga in me I am still working on. And today I realized that lately for me social situations have become a self imposed duty. I force myself to go to uni, when someone asks to hang out I feel obligated to go. I am not sure whether I am trying to fill a void, or more likely I have a very specific anxiety at the back of my mind reminding me that I am someone in my early twenties only on my id because my life doesn't really feel like it. I have always been very confident in my close friend circle and myself as an introvert, but now it's crumbling a bit. Ever since after covid and lockdown happened my social anxiety has sky rocketed and I am too self aware not to know that without the help of external forces it's almost impossible to me to create new connections. Moreover I am petrified at the idea of making the first move and opening up. In these months I have often said that I feel like I am in a cocoon, in a transitional phase of my lifr in which nothing feels defined or secure. I feel confused and indecisive, and now my emotions seem to be crumbling too. This is not the most positive journal entry to end the week on, but I needed to let out some things and to reflect. I should really get back into journaling daily but my energies are so limited lately that it almost feels impossible, aside from these daily posts.

Productivity:

finished reading the fourth article for my protohistory presentation

read the fifth article

wrote down base notes for all articles to stucture the presentation

started planning how this presentation will be

did a bit of planning for next week

practiced Irish on duolingo

posted my April wrap up

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

Gratitude:

a book order I had placed was delivered sooner

my mom randomly bought me a book at the thrift store

📖: Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

[alovesreading]

helloooooo! it’s been a while, and so much has happened irl so i figured i’d share a little life update for anyone who even wants a rant from me lolll

okay so a bit of a backstory for context: i moved to the states back in 2020, about a week before covid got serious and the whole world went into lockdown, and ever since then it’s just been so tough to exist.

being an immigrant is hard just by carrying the name of it, and then just having to deal with the incredible load of working through loads and loads of paperwork, gathering all sorts of documents, spending thousands and thousands of dollars, making sure to fill every blank line with the proper information as to not fuck up such a big process, it’s all just so damn much.

and then comes the wait. i have been waiting for four years for absolutely anything to come out of the process i started back in 2020, every month losing more and more hope. and then the government makes a mistake and you get denied, and then you have to spend another couple thousands to make sure THEY correct their mistake. and after that, guess what? more fucking waiting!

my mental health has been an issue for me since i was a child and it’s not a surprise that coming from a latino household and a third world country, i just had never gotten help because my struggles were waved off as me being spoiled or ungrateful, etc.

so it’s really no surprise that this whole immigration process has been chipping away at my mental health more and more with the pass of time. at first, it was easy to understand the delay since lockdown had pushed so many things back, but then it just got ridiculous. and then just adding coming to terms about my sexuality after years and years of forcing myself to turn a blind eye to it, and feeling lonely cos i had no friends and everyone i was used to seeing every day of my life was back in my home country. it’s been so much.

it’s not an exaggeration to say i have checked the status of my immigration process every day for the past 4 years, and even though there was never good news, i still checked - holding out hope on the daily that a miracle would happen and all those months i’d waited would finally end up in what i wanted, what i needed really.

cos for four years i haven’t been able to study, or work, or get a licence. i’ve had to stay home, trying to pick up hobbies to not drive myself mad while my whole family could go on with their lives, having to take on the responsibility of doing everything around the house cos everyone else would he out and it would just be lazy of me to not take the burden of it all whilst everyone else is studying or working.

so i have watched my life waste away in front of my eyes year after year, seeing my friends back home doing everything i couldn’t do, wishing i could travel places or even just visit my home country but not being able to leave the country at all, trying to find little things i could do to even get twenty dollars on my own so i didn’t have to ask my family for anything.

basically, for the past four years i’d had to watch my life from the sidelines, see everything from a third point perspective, feel as if i was being puppeteered by my awful luck.

september 2023 was the month when everything started crumbling down for my family, and as the eldest, it all fell onto me. having to parent my parents and try to solve all their problems shoved me further into a black hole and just, week after week, it would all get worse.

i remember at the end of november i said it just couldn’t get fucking worse - my dumbass jinxed it clearly cos suddenly the deal my dad had made back in my home country so that i could try to go to uni went through but my shit family back home took the money and so my dad came back empty handed, and my grandma was taken to the hospital only to come out of it in a casket four days before christmas.

i was so fucking angry at life. i’ve had suicidal thoughts since i was child too and well, they hit me quite hard back in december. i was angry at my dad for not fighting to take the money, for not realising he had given me a sliver of hope (move to another state which accepted undocumented immigrants in universities) and just didn’t fight enough for me to continue to hold onto it. i was angry at god for yet again taking another woman that raised me in the most cruel way and not even giving me a chance to fucking say goodbye (again).

and so when i went on holiday at the end of the year, my only goal was to distract myself even for a few days from that void in my chest and all the racing thoughts in my mind, and how much i struggled to simply exist.

it was a nice few days, i had fun with my family and i certainly did manage to distract myself. but then we came back home and i felt so claustrophobic again to be stuck in these same four walls and the cloud of grief over me that hadn’t seemed so heavy whilst i was away, coming down on me on a fucking downpour that made my chest ache.

i was debating going back to therapy but i couldn’t afford it so i turned the idea down as soon as it came to me.

and then suddenly, one afternoon after i had finally finished cooking for everyone and sat down to finally eat, i get a cryptic email from my lawyer telling me to give her a call.

i’m not even joking when i said i pushed my plate of food away and sighed heavily cos all i could think right then is of the worst outcome and i got nauseous thinking about how it would most certainly be that my residency had been denied again cos of uscis being entirely incompetent again.

well, when i called my lawyer and i heard the smile on her face through her voice as she greeted me, i pinched myself to make sure i wasn’t dreaming even before i heard her say, “congratulations, you got your work permit.”

i hadn’t realised the grief of my grandma’s death had been joined by the grief of my own life until i felt the relief flooding me at that very moment.

it’s honestly insane how one simple number or card can open so many doors for you. in a matter of a few weeks i had a valid ID, i went to college and enrolled in classes, got a licence, went looking for a car and actually getting one soon, and applied to a bunch of jobs (got just one interview but let’s manifest i get the job).

so needless to say january has been insane for me. my life has been flipped over and i’m trying to figure everything out slowly.

i do have to say, in the midst of all those years of waiting, reading and writing have been the things to get me through and though i have been making up for the lack of writing lately with getting lost again on books. im really glad im finding myself back to writing. slowly, of course, cos i actually never considered myself that good and after this long without doing it i reckon i really need to make the effort to be decent again, im glad im back reading my silly little notes on my silly little (not little at all) docs and trying to get back into the groove of it all.

if you made it all the way here, i fucking love you and i’m sorry for such a long unnecessary rant and trauma dumping (?) but i figured this helps understand a bit more of me and since you lot have been part of such a sweet escape for me, i wanted to share a little of my life with you.

anyway, i’m honestly so glad to be back. i hope i can adjust and get everything sorted so so soon so i don’t have to go away as much as i have lately. and i also hope i can get back to writing, at least decently, so i can share all the silly stories that flood my brain and that i love sharing with you lot.

okay i’ll shut up now but i love yous and i’m sending you so many hugs and kisses your way xxxx

[bonesandthebees]

Hi bee! hope you're doing well <3

I was on a long plane trip yesterday and forgot to pack a book so i ended up rereading the stars and their children because i had it downloaded on my phone.

while i was rereading it, i felt so immersed and it was almost like i was transported back to an earlier time, to when i was first reading the fic and i would get so excited seeing a post on this blog about a new chapter coming soon. your character work and writing is just so amazing, and i'm glad i got a chance to experience that again. i think stars- its world, its characters, their dynamics- is forever going to be one of my favorite works of writing

anyways, there wasn't much of a point to the post, i just wanted to share that :) i haven't been in tune with the mcyt community for a while now but i still have really fond memories of how it got me through lockdown and how it was my first big connection with an online community, and your fics were a big part of that, so thank you!

i think i'm gonna go revisit and reread some of your other works as well now because like i said, i just really like your style of writing and how intricately you develop your characters <3 i am sure the fics will be awesome!

Have a nice day!! don't forget to put on sunscreen if you live somewhere sunny :)

aaaaa this means so much to hear! seriously it's so sweet that even after not being in the community anymore you still get so immersed in the story. I'm still so proud of what I was able to do with stars. for what it was, I did a really good job telling that story and I still don't know how I managed it while finishing my senior year of uni lol

I'm so happy that my fics made that kind of an impact on your memories in the community :) for as hectic as it was at some points, being part of the mcyt community at its heyday was truly special and I'm so glad I was able to experience that and give so many people good stories to look back on

hope you enjoy the rereads!! I've actually been rereading a lot of my own fics lately too and it's been very nice. especially when I haven't looked at the fic in ages and I've forgotten a lot of the details I threw in. it's almost like experiencing it as a reader instead of the author haha

hope you have a good day!! <3

[isakyakihasmyheart]

Mind Dump 5 years on...

This is the first time I've logged into this account since 2019(ish) so I'm pretty sure there's going to be no one left here but if you are, Hi! I'm just going to dump this post here because I am a tumblr girl at heart and laying my most deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet is all I've ever known...

After the recent news of the death of Liam Payne 2 days ago I've been thinking about this website non-stop. Like many people, this news hit me so unexpectedly emotionally. Grieving someone I never knew, but also grieving a time in my life I can never ever experience again.

My life has changed so much since I last logged into this account, and yet so little at the same time. I started this account in early 2017 after I got into SKAM back in 2016, abandoning a previous Dan and Phil centred account I had from 2014. I was still in school, the last season of SKAM lining up with my own life of leaving school and starting university. I remember thinking that was so cool, watching these characters I grew to adore also experiencing their last year alongside me. I started university in late 2018, studying to become a nurse but yet never got over SKAM. Instead, I became obsessed DRUCK and connected to Matteo in a way I haven't ever experienced with another fictional character since (the only close match being Connell from Normal People in that one uni scene iykyk). However, I ultimately ended up abandoning this account in 2019.

I don't actually know why I stopped coming on this website. Because since I was 14 this website was all I could ever think about. Me and best friend in 2014 were absolutely obsessed with tubmlr. We would literally spend hours on this website reblogging the most random things, and things that at that point in our lives meant so much to us. And with this recent news, I've felt this strong tsunami of nostalgia for that period of my life.

I was never a 1D blog, but I loved 1D. Not very openly as I had older sisters who made fun of me for it. I squashed any outwardly expression of my love for them to avoid this at all costs. A major cost being turning down to go and see them in concert in 2014/2015 when my friend (mentioned above) had an extra ticket. I think about that often and regret it every time. When covid came around and we were in lockdown I was in the mid/end of my 2nd year of uni, 20 years of age. I know a lot of people talk of how they regressed back to their younger passions, and so did I. I had the full 1D experience I never let myself have, not caring about others' opinions on it (mainly my older sister). I listened to their music nonstop every single day, watching so many edits and even reading fan fics. I truly felt like I was 14 again. But there was always that voice in the back of my head saying, "you're too late, it's not the same, you've missed out on it all." I yearned with everything in me to be that teenage girl again. It was during this period in 2020 that my family relationships also became very volatile and dysfunctional, meaning 1D became an even bigger safe space for me.

I've always been a nostalgic person in the worst way possible. I can't help but let the regrets of things I never did consume me. The thoughts of how different my life could be, how different I could be, it always plagues me. I know this sounds dramatic because I'm talking about a 2010s boyband, believe me I know it does.

But I was 14 when my life started to go to shit, when my mental health first started to decline and truthfully it has never recovered. Maybe because in the back of my mind, I always felt like that 14 year old girl, scared and alone and hurting so bad with no one to help her. And the unbelievable shocking news of Liam Payne dying, it's just transporting me back to that period of my life. Even more so as I lost my dad very unexpectedly and traumaticly in March this year.

I just feel so full of grief for so many things all at once, all separate yet all so intertwined. I would truly give anything and everything I have to just relive being that teenage girl, even the unspeakable bad parts. And it makes me so angry to know I can't. And of course, I can't, because that's not how time works! Yet it feels like I can't breathe when I come to that realisation. In all its dramatic flare, it genuinely feels like it's killing me that I can't ever experience that life again.

All in all, I'll never truly forget this website. Especially not this account, I loved this account! Maybe this is just the part of growing up I'm currently struggling with. I'm 24 now, which in itself is scary because no matter what I am and always will be that 14 year old girl.

Girlhood is forever and always xx

[bapouro]

If you have the time and if it’d be fun at all, can you talk about how going to school for art is/was? Like what was bad about it but what did it make you realize about why you create? What was originally incomprehensible that became digestible after being surrounded by it? I’m just curious because I really only got into art after college age.

Hi

ive finally handed in my final project ever last friday and after somewhat recovering i can now answer u. (ill put an aside here that before i started uni, i saw a lot of the online umming and awing about art school and it being a scam etc that made me nervous going into it. i dont really think it has been for me but keep in mind im doing this in the uk. i think if i was in the usa or somewhere where it was that expensive i think youd get just about as many benefits going to somewhere like a community college instead. its worth a bit of money but not a lot of money.)

i realised while turning over your questions in my head last week how much doing my degree (illustration undergrad) during covid lockdown, illustrated (haha) the point art school had for me. and the point being that after trying to stick it out for the first few terms during lockdown, i deferred, i didnt really see the point i had already spent my entire life making art in my bedroom online for free, without somebody telling me what to do. practically what that degree offered me was physical facilities and resources, but really what i wanted it for was that vague miasma of drive and something bigger than myself to physically 'prove' myself to. i was and still am very interested in that gap between the online environment i learnt art within that felt a world away from my 'real life', and coming to meet with that 'real life' was kind of my goal. i needed both to meet on a very basic level for my quality of life. and id say i succeeded. twice now somebody i was originally mutuals with online turned out to be in my class. i live with one of them now. and i feel some pride now looking back on how much i felt like i had to separate my 'school' art and my 'personal' art during secondary school and now theyre practically one and the same. in fact one piece of advice ive kept with me from the uni tutors here is they consistently wish the students wouldnt 'hold back' so much on the kind of work they make: one of my friends, the one i now live with, was doing a tasteful furry pinup statue for a project and one of the tutors essentially asked them why the statue was being so sexually subtle with it, for example.

so what was bad about it! man... thinking about it the same reason i gave for why i came back after lockdown could also point out how flippant the reasoning was. its still a lot of time and effort let alone money to be putting into something that you dont Need an institution for. and art and academia, as much as you might try, arent going to be as neatly married as maybe STEM and academia. not that there isnt a place for it. we need it in there. but basically your work still has to get 'graded' on things so they can prove themselves as an institution so they can still get money to run. i ''apreciated'' the deadline part, for what it was, because i was(/am) a serial put-er off-er and i knew i needed something big to try and train me out of it. but the actual mark scheme and trying to work off of it is never not going to be nebulous. what the hell does it mean to 'demonstrate my awareness of the changing landscape of contemporary illustration' graded between 0 - 100 via a 3d animation. ive done pretty well. sometimes id get top marks. a couple times i wouldnt even pass and id have to do it again. the only pattern i could really see between what got those marks for me and what didnt was effort? so take with that what you will.

yea that being said, what it helped me realise why i create... i am thankful my particular course at my particular uni is so into their experimentation / medium diversity. because it proved to me again that experimenting is something i love to do. i could keep doing it forever maybe. but that also made me realise after trying to do that project after project that its only one part of the enjoyment. i couldnt sink my teeth in as much as i wanted. part of why im glad to leave is im glad to try and focus on just a few things now. take a project at my pace... reeeally get way too into it. hopefully.

what was originally incomprehensible that became digestible after being surrounded by it? mm.. i think getting to see a lot of the behind the scenes and the people actually doing illustration as a job kind of softened my glare on some art styles / ways of working i dislike. not that i Like them now but that kind of flat illustrator thing.. for some people it really is more of a job than anything else. i think thats fine. theres all kinds of other art to enjoy outside of their 9-5. i just hope they like it too. but of course it does set a precedent for what clients expect/what you feel like you should be making..? oh also i did actually end up really enjoying the couple of art essays we needed to write. reading cultural/art/etc pdf essays was something i already liked to do like reading baudrillard and ellen dissanayake and things but it was great to actually get to apply it in writing. and i think it certainly became more digestible to realise that these kinds of writers and this kind of writing wasnt some hard to penerate academia i couldnt be a part of really but turned out to be writing about things that already applied to life, whether i went to uni or not. really the whole experience... for me i felt like it was just something i needed to do. if anything just to get away from my family and make my own life. im glad i did it. but really art is art no matter where you find it. uni gave me a push to go further, i could sit around and say i couldve done it without uni but i think we overestimate ourselves. i think i couldve but i bet it wouldve taken longer and i may have experimented less, challenged myself less. who knows. just dont ever let something like that put you off art, it will always find you again eventually. im glad you got into it too.

[amberjazmyn]

happy birthday dad!

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - happy birthday dad!

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - dad x jared, an emotional reunion between father and daughter, happy tears

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - jared padalecki's eldest daughter, pressley padalecki had been away at university in australia for the last three years and only now, three years later, was able to come home due to covid restrictions. and it was also her dad's birthday so, there was no way she'd miss out on surprising her old man for his 40th birthday. 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - the one-shot will be written in lowercase and flashbacks, if any, will be written in italics. 

masterlist

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𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐫  | 19th july 2022 | brisbane, queensland 

pressley padalecki was tearful, in an emotion she wasn't sure was joy, relief or sadness. joy, because she was finally able to get on that goddamn three-hour delayed delta flight back home to her home state of austin, texas specifically, from brisbane, queensland australia after four whole years, two of them being stuck there due to coronavirus (in 2020 and 2021). relief, because she was able to spend her father's birthday with him at home during a brief break from filming for his cw show walker and sadness because she felt awful that she had become so close to her roommates back at the university of queensland that she felt sick to her stomach that she was one of the very few international university students who were able to travel back home after the whole coronavirus, lockdown situation that the world had been circumnavigating the last couple of years after they had all graduated. however, the moment she finally sat down, alongside her best friend, alania, a fellow international student of the university of queensland in their first-class seats as pressley wore her old oversized supernatural cast hoodie that was for sure first given to her when she was just a wee toddler paired with white flared jeans and fluffy slides. she sighed in relief, with a smidge of joy and a smidge of sadness as she rested her head against the side of the first class cabin she and alania purchased as both girls listened intently to the aeroplanes safety instructions even though they knew nothing bad was actually going to happen. 

after all the safety instructions and usual announcements had been made, both girls settled back down in their seats, pressley reached for her wired earphones even though it wasn't totally illegal for her to use her airpods, and plugged them into her iphone and immediately went into her spotify premium.  pressing shuffle on her playlist, carry on wayward son by kansas and then drowning by her uncle jensen's band radio company and other songs that reminded pressley of her family back home in texas played in her earphones. whilst those songs would always make her cry (and absolutely, positively did on this flight) it also made her smile and be extremely grateful that the flight, although it was delayed by three hours and was an entire twenty-four-hour flight, they were finally on the plane and on their way home on american soil in texas. the overly exhausted texan girl seemed to fall asleep within minutes and it seemed to stay that way for the entire flight. even her fellow uni best friend, alania callahan, didn't want to disturb her twenty-year-old best friend as it seemed obvious from the tear stains on the padalecki girl's face, the slightly distressed wrinkles and scrunched-up nose that she shared with her dad that it revealed to the flight attendants as well as alania that this sleep was extremely needed. especially because she'd be surprising not just her dad for his birthday but also everyone else so, no one disturbed her until alania had to when the plane landed back home in austin, texas. 

pressley was in the deepest sleep, her earphones blasting jason manns, jensen ackles, rob benedict's version of the band's hit song wagon wheel when she felt herself being shaken awake. the girl jolted awake but softly fluttered her eyes open to see the prettiest female eyes, they were the blue eyes of her bestie, alania. rushing to take out her earphones, alania gestured for the girl to breathe and go slow as pressley listened and she took her time before alania spoke up. with the slightly exhausted smile from the blonde, alania took that cue to speak up so, she did. 

"hey little miss sleepy, sorry to wake you up honey but the flight attendants were wanting me to let you know that we've finally arrived back home in austin..." alania smiled at her bestie as that seemed to make pressley teary-eyed and on the verge of tears 

alania wasn't bothered by her bestie's emotional reaction since, it was quite normal for pressley to cry. and, it was also clear to alania that pressley had been waiting for the moment of hearing that she was finally home after being away from it for what had felt like an eternity, just like alania. 

alania let her best friend compose herself before pressley spoke up, "...we're home, alania?" pressley whimpered out as alania sweetly smiled 

"yeah, we're home press. we touched down around ten/fifteen minutes ago, we are currently the last ones from first class to deboard but the flight attendants are still waiting to deboard business and economy classes. so, the flight attendants said to me before waking you up that they aren't really in a rush to get us off but...wait, you never told me whos picking you up..." alania was knee deep in repeating what she was told to pressley when she remembered that she was never told who was picking pressley up as pressley smiled and giggled slightly through her tears

"...oh, yeah, sorry, i...um, i'm surprising my family, but my dad especially for his birthday. it's his 40th birthday today and walker is on a small break from filming before returning back for their newest season..." pressley giggled, smiling as she just imagined the reactions of her dad jared and her brothers and sister, tom, shep and odette along with the reactions from the rest of her walker family, colby, violet, keegan, kale, odette, jeff as well as her mom's reaction as well

seeing pressley's smile at what alania knew was her best friend's imaginings of how the padalecki girl's family would react to the surprise made alania smile even more. she had been friends with pressley and her family since they were basically in diapers after their parents met at an event for pressley's grandfather, gerald padalecki, who was the tax accountant at the same workplace as her grandfathe's at the time and since then, the padalecki's and callahan's had been the best of friends, that friendship continuing on in their children. 

"...so, if you're surprising the whole family, who's picking you up then?" alania giggled as the two girls grabbed their carry-on luggage and awkwardly shimmied out of the plane so they could then leave and truly be back on solid ground, not a plane's ground after what felt like a whole year of being in one 

"no one, alania, did you forget that we drove here and left my car in the parking garage the whole four years..." pressley trailed off as alania suddenly face palmed, remembering all of a sudden as the two girls giggled - glad that they had faith in the undercover parking at austin airport 

"...how did i forget that? we came together cause i stayed at your house overnight--i'm a fucking idiot!" alania chuckled as pressley shook her head and giggled at her childhood best friend

"come on alania! let's go home, it's time for us to surprise our families!" pressley smiled, holding her hand out for her best friend to grab which she did as the fellow blonde girl nodded her head with a smile and took her best friends hand with hers 

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 | 19th july 2022 | dublin, ireland

pressley had just helped alania surprise her family and, it was the sweetest moment ever, especially when alania's parents gina and alexander basically pulled her into joining the family group hug and it only made her even more excited to surprise her own family, her dad most especially. with gina and alexander callahan's help and the help of alania, it was pressley's time to surprise her own family. and the first person to be surprised was genevieve, pressley's mum. 

so, after a couple of moments of gina, alania's mum, convincing genevieve to come outside to the front of the house on her own, gen made her way outside. and the look on both gen and pressley's faces when they saw each other was the sweetest in the world. 

alania filmed as pressley waited in anxious wait for her mum to come outside to the front of the house after gina sent what could be perceived as a suspicious text. pressley had just turned around to smile at alania and her phone when she heard her mum's voice...

"...pressley? what...what are you doing home?" genevieve's voice was shaky and tearful as pressley turned around and only just opened her arms for a hug when gen rushed over to pull her eldest daughter in for a hug 

"surprise mom!" pressley whispered as she started to giggle as she felt herself breathing properly again as she smiled into her mum's shoulder 

genevieve held her heart tightly as she moved out of the hug, one of her hands still holding pressley's, "you didn't tell us you'd be home for your dad's birthday!" she whispered, having an inkling as to that being the entire reason why pressley was surprising her whole family rather than just jared 

"because i wanted to surprise all of you, not just dad. he isn't that subtle when asking for birthday wishes mom," pressley giggles as does genevieve, alania, alexander and gina who are all filming from different angles because, you know, angles

"of course he isn't, he's never been subtle. oh, i'm so glad you're home, press! it's been way too long!" genevieve whispered, hugging her eldest child again 

"it really has! i'm just glad that alania and i had the opportunity to come home because so many other international, especially american, students at the uni are still stuck back in brisbane!" pressley explained as genevieve looked shocked as alania nodded her head in agreement, the girl stopped filming a moments earlier 

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a few minutes went by when, with the help of genevieve, alania, gina and alexander, pressley surprised her brothers, tom and shep at their soccer game that weirdly enough, their dad, who was sport crazy, wasn't attending because he was celebrating his birthday with his walker and supernatural family.

thankfully, the soccer coaches for tom and shep, another set of good friends of the padaecki family, recognised the surprise and that pressley had returned home and gave subtle head nods, letting the older sister know that she could surprise tom and shep. however, it seemed as if tom, the older of the two brothers, had noticed pressley just a minute or two quicker. 

"...pressley!" tom squeaked out, jumping from the wired fence he was sitting atop and rushing over to the other side of the soccer pitch to his older sister who stood smiling 

her speed picked up as she noticed the look on her brother's face, he was seconds from crying and as though his feet couldn't run fast enough to reach her so, she started to run towards him as well. finally, after what felt like the brother and sister had been running forever, they finally reached each other and tom and pressley padalecki collided with each other. 

jumping into his sister's arms, even though he was coming up to the age of being a teenager, at ten, he didn't care as it had been at least four or so years since he had last seen her that wasn't over the phone on facetime. 

"what are you doing home?" he sniffled with a small giggle as pressley smiled, pulling away and giving her brother a sweet kiss on the head 

"me and alania got lucky as two of very few international students who were able to come home and also, i couldn't resist surprising dad for his birthday, of course!" pressley giggled at the end, making tom giggle too, even with the tears dripping down his cheeks 

"do you need to go back to graduate?" tom then questioned as the laughter from the soccer team started occurring out of the blue - shep had finally realised where his older brother was and that his older sister was home

and, that was when another screech of pressley's name was heard, "pressley!" her heart almost exploded at how her younger brothers always got so excited and emotional when she came home as she turned around, waiting for her brother to run over to her 

similar to tom, shep started getting teary eyed as he ran because he felt like he couldn't run quick enough so, like she did with tom, pressley started to run over to shep.  thankfully though, pressley and shep didn't stray too far from tom who seemed like he was still in shock from this whole reunion thing. after shep and pressley hugged, they immediately pulled tom in as they had a group hug. 

"what are you doing here? i thought you couldn't get home because of covid?" shep chuckled, wiping off a tear from his cheek as pressley smiled, shaking her head 

"no, i was lucky, as was alania--" 

"--alania's home as well?!" shep squealed in even more excitement as pressley and tom giggled, pressley nodding her head 

"yes, she is! she's actually filming this whole thing!" pressley giggled as alania rushed over from a little bush that she had been filming behind, the brothers smiling as they rushed to give the girl a hug 

after the twins reunited with alania, they then chatted with their older sister a little bit more, wondering if odette, their younger sister and their dad knew only to find out pressley was surprising the whole family. 

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now that mom, tom and shep were surprised, the only two people that needed to be surprised were little sister odette and their dad jared. however, usually, dad would be the person to pick odette up after dancing, however, genevieve managed to convince her husband that she was going to pick up odette when really, it was actually going to be pressley and alania that were going to be picking odette up. thankfully, the dance studio that five-year-old gia danced at was the very same one that pressley and alania danced at so, they would be allowed to pick up odette instead of jared or genevieve since the two girls were very well known at the dance studio. 

and once again, alania was filming as the girls walked into the dance studio to pick up odette, who was around three when pressley first left for uni and was now five years old, nearly six. you would think that a young girl of odette's age, who hadn't seen their older sister since they were three, wouldn't remember them but, that couldn't be said for little odette padalecki...

...pressley had barely walked in when little odette screamed at the top of her lungs and ran over to her older sister. 

"pressley!!!" odette screamed, not even wanting to say goodbye to her dance teacher who smiled as they saw the reason why odette was screaming after they had registered the name that the girl had screamed out 

kneeling down to the ground with her arms wide open, pressley waited for her little sister to jump into her arms so she could pick her up and twirl her around, "odette!!!" pressley cheered, matching her sister's enthusiasm and excitement as she hugged odette as tightly as possible 

then, what odette said next made everyone coo in adorableness, "i missed you, pressley!" odette couldn't have been happier at the end of her dancing lesson, not so upset that it wasn't her daddy picking her up since she would see him later since she could tell that pressley wouldn't just surprise one person in the family 

"i missed you too, odette! you've gotten so big! when i last saw you, you were like, three! now you're five years old! in fact, you're nearly six!" pressley giggled as odette nodded her head in excitement, happy as ever that pressley remembered that she was no longer a little girl anymore but a big girl 

"i know! i'm glad you're home though, because it's daddy's birthday today! he's been wanting you to come home for agesss!" odette drawn out at the end as that got everyone giggling, including alania, who odette noticed shortly after 

"alania!" odette rushed over to the other brunette girl and gave her a hug 

and then, it was time for the all-important surprise. the main surprise, her dad jared! 

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it had been quickly decided that geneveive would tell the wives and husband of the other cast members from walker and supernatural, including misha, jeff pierre, violet brinson, danneel and jensen ackles, keegan allen, odette anable, molly hagan, kale culley, ashley reyes, alexander calvert, mitch pileggi and a few others. just so they knew that pressley was home surprising jared and that they could tell their kids as well. and this was so the last surprise was jared and then pressley's uncles and aunties. 

and, it worked out because they decided to go out to dinner for jared's birthday and immediately, genevieve wanted to take some group shots, some family shots and then during the shots of jared with his supernatural and walker castmates, pressley quickly slid in standing behind her dad with her arms around him. and this was the funniest thing because, jared just smiled, not hesitating to rest his hands over the top of the hands that were his daughter's, not that he knew that. which made genevieve giggle but managed to keep it quiet enough that jared didn't question it and the photos continued. that was until gen showed jared and the two tv show casts the photos. it didn't take the others long to realise that pressley had joined them for the photo and was the person with their arms around jared but kept quiet so their best friend could get surprised without it being ruined. 

and it wasn't because moments later, jared looked at the photo again. his eyes wide and then turned around to see his eldest daughter, pressley standing right behind him, with her best friend alania behind her filming the reunion. 

"pressley?! what on earth are you doing here?!" nicky's voice shook as he staggered up out of his seat at the restaurant and pulled his eldest in for a hug as pressley giggled 

"you aren't as subtle with your birthday wishes, like always!" pressley simply said as she hugged her dad as tightly as she could, feeling like she could finally breathe properly now that she was finally reunited with her whole family again 

pressley made everyone laugh with her comment as jared couldn't help but laugh at it either as he nodded his head in agreement, "i'm never subtle, pressley!" he mumbled as it was obvious to pressley that her dad could breathe properly again now that his family was back together again 

after one more tight squeeze, pressley then moved to her supernatural and walker families to give them hugs since it was clear they were also surprised, even though they noticed her in the background first. 

after jared had composed himself from the shock that was the surprise of his eldest daughter coming home after four years away in australia, he felt like he was ready to have an actual conversation with his daughter again. 

hugging her again, jared spoke up, "did you just get home today?" jared chuckled, wiping away a tear as pressley giggled 

"yeah, me and alania landed today, we were just two of very few that were allowed to leave, we'll still have to go back at some point for our graduation but, hopefully by then it'll be less restricted," pressley explained as jared nodded his head in understanding as he smiled at alania who he then stood up to give a hug to as she still filmed 

alania smiled, "hey jared, happy birthday!" jared gave her a kiss on the head which made alania blush slightly 

"hey alania, welcome back darlin' and thank you, it is a happy birthday," jared chuckled as alania smiled back with a head nod, understanding that it was easily his best birthday with all of his children home with him 

after a few more photos that had been taken outside of the father and daughter and everyone else, their group had finally picked out what they wanted to eat and ordered it. 

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after the fantastic birthday dinner and even more fantastic birthday cake for jared, videos and photos from the birthday was posted everywhere. including posts from her parents and uncles but, she still hadn't posted any but, because they had just come back home, pressley finally posted for her dad's birthday. just so those who didn't know the girl had come home (not that anyone did), wouldn't freak out thinking the girl had forgotten to post or acknowledge her father's 40th birthday.

liked by jaredpadalecki, genpadalecki, jensenackles, keeoone, alaniacallahan and 777k others

pressleypadalecki happy 40 daddy, you still look absolutely fire even though you're no longer in your twenties 🤍

view all 66k comments

jaredpadalecki you are never gonna let me live this down are you? 

jaredpadalecki seriously though pressley, thank you so much, this was the best birthday i could have ever dreamt of having 🤍

pressleypadalecki jaredpadalecki it was my pleasure dad, i'm glad i could give you your birthday wish 🤍

genpadaleckithe look on your father's face when he realised it was you in the photo, and not just some random person with their arms around him is always going to be priceless

pressleypadalecki genpadalecki i know! that was my fear as well that he'd turn around to tell me to get the heck off him but, he didn't! 

jensenackles i have to say pressley, how on earth are you going to top this birthday present? in all seriousness though, jared's reaction was priceless! 

pressleypadalecki jensenackles honestly uncle jensen, i have got no clue whatsoever so, i think i may need some help for the first time in forever! and, i know, i can't stop watching the video! 

keeoone i've never seen your dad so shocked before! you are for sure the queen of surprising people for their birthdays, lemme tell you that, pressley! 

pressleypadalecki keeoone thanks uncle keegs, i honestly haven't either! and thank you, thank you, however, i think i may start asking for help after this year! 

alaniacallahan lol, "you still look fire even though you're no longer in your twenties", what a slow burn that is for your old man, press! 

pressleypadalecki alaniacallahan hahaha, you know i had to do it, alania! 

misha jared's reaction was the best i had ever seen in ages! 

pressleypadalecki misha it really was! he was not expecting it at all! 

danneelackles512 your old man's reaction to you being home was the sweetest in the world! 

pressleypadalecki danneelackles512 i know, it was so adorable! 

violetbrinson what the fuck are you going to do for your dad's 41st next year?! there is no way you could top this! 

pressleypadalecki violetbrinson i have got no idea! and i agree, i don't know if i am able to top this! 

realashleyreyes the fbi couldn't have planned this any better and neither could the texas rangers!

pressleypadalecki realashleyreyes i agree aunty ash! 

padaleckifanalecki omg i'm gonna cry! i was so worried you had forgotten about your dad's birthday, press! you were just on your way to surprise him, i'm gonna cry! 

pressleypadalecki padaleckifanalecki don't cry, you'll make me cry! and don't worry, i'd never forget my dad's birthday because i was just on my way to surprise him! 

just as pressley thought she had the most perfect day surprising her dad and family for her dad's birthday, she never imagined she'd be talked about in an ew article about how she surprised her dad. but, she did and it happened and it was posted and she was obsessed over it for the next couple of days.

ew!

PRESSLEY PADALECKI, DAUGHTER OF SUPERNATURAL AND WALKER ACTOR JARED PADALECKI HAS COME HOME FROM UNIVERSITY IN QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA AFTER FOUR YEARS TO SURPRISE HER DAD FOR HIS 40th BIRTHDAY AT BIRTHDAY DINNER

SAMANTHA HIGHFIELD | EDITOR JULY 19, 2022 

pressley padalecki, the eldest daughter of supernatural and walker actor jared padalecki and wife geneveive padalecki, gave her father the biggest surprise and ultimately, the best birthday present ever for his 40th birthday. she surprised him during a birthday dinner for his birthday as the walker cast has a small break in the middle of their newest season. 

the twenty-year-old is a university student studying for a bachelor's degree in film and television all the way in brisbane, queensland, australia where she had been the last four years, two of them due to the coronavirus pandemic. it was mentioned in a video taken by pressley's family friend, alania callahan, who is a fellow film and television university student with pressley, that the two girls were two of very few given permission to fly home by the university of queensland for her dad's birthday which is what inspired her to surprise her father for this 40th birthday. 

pressley padalecki and her childhood best friend, alania callahan in brisbane, australia | pic: instagram/pressleypadalecki 

in pressley's instagram post for her dad's 40th birthday, she posts three photos. one of her with her father at a restaurant, a photo of her all dressed up for the dinner and then another photo of her at the airport, taken by alania callahan, who is a very well known friend to the entire padalecki family, not just pressley. and this is due to the relationship alania's parents has with pressley's grandfather, gerald padalecki, former tax accountant. 

her caption reads: "happy 40 daddy, you still look absolutely fire even though you're no longer in your twenties 🤍" which is a very simple caption for the padalecki girl as she is usually the one to write paragraphs for occasions like her family members' birthdays and days like mothers and fathers day. however, the eldest padalecki daughter didn't forget the little slow burn that she always gives her dad for every birthday post. this year mentioning that he is no longer in his twenties but still looks absolutely fire. but, it seems as though she wanted to keep it short, sweet and simple since she did surprise him at dinner in front of so many people after it was shown she had surprised the rest of her family. 

pressley violet padalecki is the eldest daughter of jared and genevieve padalecki, born in 2003. however, jared and genevieve didn't meet until season four of supernatural and pressley was actually the daughter of padalecki's former partner before he met genevieve. genevieve then shortly after adopted pressley just as the two married in 2010. pressley is the older sister to jared and genevieve's three other children, thomas colton, austin sheppard "shep" and odette elliot. at the beginning of little pressley's life, there were tons of rumours about how people had no idea that jared already had a child before meeting his now-wife. however, thankfully those rumours never lasted long to cause too much harm to the family. causing only a mild controversy, everyone cheered in the excitement that jared was already a father. then, when pressley was first introduced, everyone rejoiced that little pressley violet was healthy and then in 2010, pressley's parents got married in sun valley, idaho when she was only a few months old. 

pressley padalecki | pic: instagram/pressleypadalecki 

it had been four years since jared, genevieve, tom, shep and odette had seen their daughter and older sister and since the rest of the supernatural and walker family had seen their niece and cousin. as previously mentioned, pressley had been in queensland, australia studying at their university for a degree in film and television because she had always loved acting and performing. the university of queensland is also where her childhood best friend alania callahan studied with her. 

alania, who gave me permission to talk with her, said that she's been friends with pressley and the entire padalecki family ever since she could remember. because one day, during an event that gerald padalecki was hosting, both alania and pressley's parents were attending the event and met, hitting it off straight away with each other. so, since that day the padalecki's and callahan's met, the friendship continued and then moved on to their children, which is how pressley and alania's friendship became so strong. alania was also not one to hide or shy away from her love for her best friend's dad and his tv shows, supernatural and walker when i questioned her on their friendship and the families relationship. she explained that being friends with jared and genevieve padalecki feels like she has an extra set of parents, especially considering that jared and genevieve are the godparents of alania and alania's parents, gina and alexander callahan are the godparents of pressley, it only makes sense for alania to mention that to us in our conversation with her. 

in the comments of pressley's post for her dad's birthday, alania said quote, "lol, "you still look fire even though you're no longer in your twenties", what a slow burn that is for your old man, press!" which clearly indicates the love that alania not only has for her best friend pressley but also for her best friends dad jared. and pressley responded back saying quote, "hahaha, you know i had to do it, alania!" which clearly states that it's now become a tradition for pressley to roast her dad at least once during her birthday posts for her dad. which is the way that pressley shows love to her dad that's just special to the father and daughter. 

talking further with alania, she talked about her first memory with pressley padalecki at a supernatural convention back in 2012, in toronto, canada, saying quote: "i remember the first ever time i was present at a supernatural convention, it was back in 2012 in toronto, canda. it was near the end of the convention so some tears had been shed but a lot of laughs had occured and were being continued. the fan for the final question had been called up and suddenly, i just remembered bawling my eyes out. the fan had asked a question about asking for help but not knowing how and i just remember being so young [...] we, pressley and i, were seven and i remember just crying because someone who was so much older than me didn't know how to ask for help when i asked my own parents for help every single day...i then turned to my right and noticed that pressley was getting teary-eyed because she saw the way her dad reacted and of course, because her dad is jared padalecki and he's known to be an emotional person, pressley is also got that personality trait..."

continuing with a giggle, thinking she sounds insane which, i immediately tell her she doesn't, "...she's also crying and she just hugs me as we watch her dad and jensen just help this clearly nervous and troubled fan. telling them that they just did the very first thing but also the hardest thing. and that was acknowledging that they wanted help but didn't know how to ask for it. they then continued this answer for a little while longer and we were just sitting in our seats completely exhausted by the end of it because of how much little seven-year-old us had been crying. because whilst we were young we still had some understanding to why we were crying. i could tell how much this question had meant to both jared and pressley."

pressley padalecki and alania callahan in brisbane, australia | pic: instagram/pressleypadalecki 

alania then talked to me more about her friendship with pressley and the padalecki's which, if you guys are lucky, will be released publically soon. also mentioning that she is excited to go back to brisbane, queensland with pressley so they can graduate together and then come back home to focus on some musical auditions. she also mentioned however that she's glad to be coming back home with her best friend and glad to be spending time with her best friend's family after being away for so long due to the coronavirus pandemic. in which kept them from coming home a year earlier like supposed to, having to rely on facetime and phone calls to keep in touch. 

welcome home pressley and alania, congratulations on finishing your bachelor's degrees and we cannot wait to see you guys performing on stage very soon! 

and, of course, we cannot forget, the happiest 40th birthday to jared padalecki, we hope you had the best birthday ever and hope you enjoy the rest of the newest season of walker. 

for those wanting to catch-up on walker, check out the cw app or stan for this new upcoming season and the other seasons.  

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rewriting this was so much fun even though i know i could have done it better lol! i'm just glad to have written another thing after what feels like forever since the last one-shot. 

ok ily bye xx

wc; 5870

[bullshit-in-disguised]

Yeager program idea but at the same time a neat headcanon.

Okay so in TLK and in general we learn that earth is Unicron and the humans descended or at least came from Uni in some capacity right?

Y’all can add some sweet angst there if you want~

Wouldn’t be sad if the fact that Optimus is in love with a human that is a creation of unicron. I have a feeling that Opt would have shame and shock to discover that humanity are descendants of unicron just like how Cybertronians descended from Primus. It makes so much sense after everything that went down during his time on earth.

Ok so what does have to do with his relationship with Cade?

Well one he’s the holder of the talisman and is seen as a fellow equal to the Knights of Iacon. Two he has proved himself to be extremely loyal to his family and comrades. Bastard in some capacity that humanity has the ability to grow and change to be better and the choices that are needed to make. Honestly Cade is not perfect but that what he is a human. But still is descendant of the monstrous devour.

Optimus struggles to cope with his growling love and affection towards Cade. And learning that humanity came from unicorn straight up hit him in the face. It’s hard, extremely to confess a such love to a wonderful man that deserves so much more if his life’s circumstances had lead him up to where he is at.

Filled with shame, guilt, fear and regret for all of his actions. The moment he finds peace if always back fires him at the end. Megatron, Sentinel, Lockdown, Quintessa and the human governments. He’s tired of the betrayals, he’s done with every single bullshit that he goes through.

But despite all of this Optimus will still protect Cade and his family no matter what the cost. Even if it means going toe to toe against Unicron, quintessa or hell even Primus. Even if it means to keep his lover and family.

Because there’s no way in hell he’s going to lose anyone again.

Not on his fucking watch.

[confused-bat]

I thought I would say this here cause it’s one hell of a story to tell for me.

Back in 2019 I planned and had fully booked a 2 week trip to Italy for me, my dad and brother. It was set for late March and early April of 2020 and it would mean flying down to Naples to go to Pompeii and then driving down the cost to Sicily to see Mt.Etna and stay before flying back. Everything was planned and ready to go.

The day of the flight to Italy was the 23rd of March. The same day the first uk national lockdown was announced.

Everything I had planned was lost and worst of all not everything gave us the money back, including the flights and some hotels. I was completely crushed and gave up on the idea of ever seeing Vesuvius before I turned 18 and planned to see it with my own eyes.

The thing with me is I have been obsessed with volcanoes and Pompeii and Vesuvius since I first learned about it when I was little. I know everything about it and now, picking my A-Levels and looking into uni degrees i’m planning on studying earth sciences to go into volcanology.

About an hour ago dad told me had booked flights back to Naples for later March, early April. Only for 10 days but I would finally see it. After 4 years and thinking I wouldn’t see it.

I am going to see Vesuvius and go stand at Pompeii.

Now I just hope it doesn’t have a major eruption or another plague happens (touch wood)