#goffy ah

[echo-1905]

Those are probably the best niko,calamus and alula i have ever draw

(Also mae is there i finally bought her game)

[icantfindanothername]

How tf his family's or at least his dad's name was never brought up in the conference?

Either Reigen uses fake (punny) name, or he got disowned.

Bye.

[nekassvariigs]

I saw someone having a post mentioning if a character from one piece would be certain about age gaps so here i am in a silly goffy mood.

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Idea: Waking up/Walking around not realising youre wearing a shirt saying "Dilf patrol" and going out on the ship/certain places causing some interesting conversations.

Raighley, Shanks, Mihawk, Law, Kid, Doflamingo

Special addition: Bepo for cuteness

I know kid and law arent dilfs but theyre fun to write

Kid

Way too busy to notice it at first until someone points it out.

Hes flabbergasted.

"Into experianced men huh?" he comments brows furrowed in question.

It took you a while to register.

"I know i dont qualify as one but give me a few years."

You couldnt be more embarrassed, not to say anytime he asks you to stand on lookout he'll yell "DILF PARTROL" full blast embarrassing you each time.

If hes into you he'll paint over one of his shirts the words "certified dilf" while working on his gagets. If you catch him in the act give him a sly smirk and run for your goddamn life.

However if you both happen to wear it at the same time again its now your turn to shout over the entire ship "DILF SPOTTED" the moment you see him. You'll distract him so horredusly he wont be able to unhear it for the next week.

At some point you both take a picture, altough the main focus is you zooming in on his tits where the label he drew on was.

"Let me see the photo."

You show it to him proudly and prepare for self defense.

"You little shit." hed scoff ,however his ego was lifted that hed certified dilf material.

Doflamingo

This pink flamingo has been walking around you all morning trying to be subtle.

It was getting on your nerves.

"Can you ATLEAST pretend that your subtle, Youre like 10 meters tall dude you wear a PINK FEATHER COAT."

"So?" He picks his teeth with a toothpick.

"Why are you following me?"

"Your shirt."

"What about it?" you get more annoyed by the second.

"Not your dresscode madamoiselle?" you give him a fake smile with your eyes.

"Ha..Hahaha..HAHAHAHA, i must send this to the navy." He takes a photo.

"Fuck do you mean send it to the navy?!"

"Look, i can already hear "it's the dilf parol woman" with your face plastered all over it."

Oh he really was pushing it huh.

With a loud FWAP the shirt lands flat on his face right on the centered plastered with the writing.

"I think they'd like this one better."

You show him the picutre. There he is this wooden shelf for a man in his pink ridicilous coat with his face covered in a shirt thats says "Dilf patrol" boldly.

"My ass im gonna let you have your way with it."

Onsues a battle between two idiots.

Nearing your defeat you splur out "Y'know if you had a kid you'd qualify for it."

"Huh- Yeah right."

"Im dead serious."

"..."

"Time to take one for the team." He said confidently.

Raighley

Usually you stay over at Shakky's rip-off bar having known the owners well half owner Raighley. You never managed to catch his wife on time however, she was always out so one good day you treated yourself to a hands on barman experiance pouring yourself a drink, mind you its late so its okay.

Whilst mixing your drink you hear the front door open Raigley in sight he catches a seat.

"One whiskey on the rocks ma'am." he gets cozy until seeing you prepare your drink. You shake the mixture the tshirt you wore frurrowing all sorts of ways.

"?" He sees something written on it.. not fully tho, so he'll take a another peek in a bit.

Your drink made, you start his grabbing some ice and whiskey for the foxy man.

"Here ya go~" you happily chirped at him offering his drink.

It wasnt until you were mid drink he said "Say would i qualify as a dilf?"

ah the burning sensation of choking on alcohol.

"What?" you ask him barely able to breathe.

"You know, I mean not to shoot myself in the foot i do happen to look good for my age." he takes a swig of his drink calmly.

"F-First off, where is this coming from? Second off what!?" You stutter, Raighley barely dared being so cocky, and now all of a sudden this!? Did he hit his head?

He doubles the K.O pointing to your shirt at which you stare down, immidiatley embarrased for showing your interest in older men un such a dumb way.

Cheeks blazing you admit defeat, giving him a thumb up weakly.

"You're overqualifed.."

"That so?" He smirks hand on his beard in question.

Now confidently you humm altough your legs were giving out.

Who woulda thought you had one of the hottest man, not to mention the most humble one around teasing you like this when youre compleatley unprepared.

[continuation awaits (￣^￣)ゞ]

Law

Poor guy was hoping to eat his meal in peace when you come in theough blazing the words dilf patrol on your shirt.

He literrally chokes.

"You alright capitan?" you ask him.

He swallows dryly, "Yeah..." he stares at you, then at the writing, then at you,the writing and at you for the last time.

"Y/n-ya, You know our crew mostly has guys around the age of 20, right?"

"Riight.. , point being?" you curiously ask.

"Point is WHO ARE YOU PATROLING FOR?!" Not gonna lie he was determined to know.

"!!?" Shocks sets in as you realize what youre wearing.

"Haha oh this thing, well you know give it a few years everyone will be aprooved, even you Law." you chuckle lips pointing in a whistle like manner.

He mentally stopped until he lowered his cow-print hat lower over his face, continuing eating without furter comments.

Hoo... Oh my.

"C-Capitans blushing!" Bepo alerts everyone in the dining hall. Startling you and Law himself.

"Was not, shut up!"

"I'm sorry!" he bows apologizing.

"Well in anycase we have time dont we?" You chuckle pouring yourself some tea.

Few meters behind you you hear more bickering about "Dont joke about this!" et cetera.

Mihawk

The silent man was trying to enjoy a morning newspaper till perona started babling to him about you.

"Whats the issue?" the blandly replies.

"Have you seen what shes wearing its not cute at all!" she pouts pointing to you , a pastry in your mouth the shirt revealing the writing.

Lightning stuck in his head.

"We all have preferances.."

He didnt want to even think about it.

"Thats right, we all have preferances" you pouted back disagreeing with her.

"Of all things you choose old hot guys seriously!? Pick something cuter next time!"

Bwaaa~ You drop your pastry.

"Who says i like old hot guys?"

"Your shirt says.." He nonchalantly interrupted.

"Ah so it does, WHAT?!" You strech out your shirt noticing the writing 'Dilf patrol'

"As long as she can handle it, i see no issue." He adds in.

Your jaw dropping, how can he be so relaxed about this.

"Stop embarrasing her old man-"

The bell dings in everyones head striking a nerve.

Everyone locks eyes.

Silence follows.

It was the tensest breakfast youve ever had with the two of them.

After breakfast you chose to clean the dishes upon hearing a knock.

"Not my buisness, but good choise." And he leaves just like that.

No dishes were washed for the next 30 minutes out of sheer incapability to understand his approval.

Shanks

All bark all bite he doesnt hold back.

He digs the shirt, calls it trendy,odd but trendy, hes seen worse.

"Y/n, i qualify."

"For what?"

"You can count me as a dilf, no?"

Your brain shortcircuts.

"Well.." You eye him up and down making him wait impatiently.

"I mean sorta? Youre not really the hot DAD material are you? "

"I can be though." he shoots you a grin.

"Caaan you?" you hiss back at him.

"Wanna seee for yourselllf?"

[Continuation awaits (￣^￣)ゞ]

Bepo!

You had just woken up having no actual shirt to wear from your regulars you scramped one from the dryer. You didnt even bother to check which one it was you had agreed to train with bepo.

"Goodmornin'. " Hes as polite as ever.

"Mornin' bepo, lets start some warm ups?"

You both proceed to train along eachother however the longer it lasted the more people gathered around you two.

"Whats this about?" You question wiping the sweat off your forehead with your shirt.

"Mm Maybe because youre wearing that today?" ,his fluffy paw points to your shirt.

Every guy in a 10 meter radius was giving you thumbs up making you red as a raindeers nose.

"Y/n, whats a dilf anyways? Some new monester out there?" He innocently asks

"Haha y-no?, Do you wanna know?"

He nodds.

"Well its a preferance for older attractive looking men that have kids or had kids who grew up."

"So.. Do you like ..." he was deep in thought..

He didnt know what to ask.

"Ah mabye Vice capitan Ben?"

Pffttjfjfhdha

"Dont think hes got kids, but hes attractive so i approve." You wipe ur nose at the thought.

Next day Bepo shows around with a shirt labeled

"Shaved ice patrol."

What an innocent creature..

[kannem76]

GOFFY AH NEFFY AND QWARK

[defrosted69]

My MVP

Ahn Yujin fan fic

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"Number 6 aims it and….. MAKES IT!! The Flover Sharks College are now 15-0 for their start of the season!"

Cheers erupted through the roof as everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs. The school's gymnasium wasn't this full nor was it being broadcasted on national television. For years, your College team rarely gets televised on TV and if there is a way to get unto the cables of people, it's when your team is facing the popular and well known College University teams. But guess what? Ever since you came, things have changed for the better.

Who are you to bring in such crowd and media coverage? Oh your just one of the best young Point Guards as of right now in College. But this success comes from when you were highschool. Just like your story in College, you entered a very unknown High school where Basketball games weren't making any headlines. With your talent and skills, you easily blazed through the conference with ease earning every possible accolades from MVP, Scoring title, finals MVP, and assist title. Your constant skills brought the media all over your school.

With that kind of pressure, you would surely feel a little bit of fear and worry right?

Nope.

You couldn't careless of the people's expectation at all considering you were just focus on being better everyday on and off the court. To you, the media wasn't anything special as you consider it as a distraction in your goal.

"Ah yes hello Mike, right now I'm with today's best player Y/N Roh. Y/N you have been attracting attention since High school and now that your in College, does that somehow waver you?"

"Oh, umm thank you for that question Mr. Mike but honestly speaking, I'm not really focused on the media and stuff like that. I just go out there and do what I am asked from our coach and win. That's all what I think all the time."

"I see, well now, your team has made a historical accomplishment by being the first team to go 15-0 in a season. How does that feel knowing that you're the one leading this run?"

"Umm I'm not really the one leading anything. Basketball is a team sport and everyone in our locker room made this run possible."

"Well thank you for your time Y/N, good luck and nice win."

"Thank you Mr. Mike."

With that, you left the court and headed to the locker room. The locker room of the basketball team was usually dull and quiet but with you in, it has turned 180. Your teammates were all hyped up and excited to play college basketball once again. Your coach told everyone on the team that they should be humble and they should keep getting greedy. Of course this was your mindset from the beginning since regular games doesn't mean much to you.

After taking a shower and changing your clothes, you went out of the locker room and headed out of the building.

"Hey, it's our MVP."

You chuckled hearing that familiar voice as your eyes met with a beautiful pair of brown eyes as she smiled and waved at you.

"Did you wait long Wony?"

"Yup, me and Yujin we're waiting for you."

She smiled brightly as you tilted your head to the side and there you saw the geeky yet tall girl hiding beside Wonyoung. Yujin met with your eyes and she immediately blushed and covered her face with her clip board. Even though she was quite tall, she was very timid and a very shy person.

Wonyoung and Yujin were part of your highschool memories that carried on into College. When you first entered highschool, you weren't really much talkative as you prefer the silence and peace around you and this made everyone create a mysterious persona around you. But Wonyoung, being one of the most popular girl in the campus and also being known as an extrovert. Decided to be your friend. Of course you didn't mind it all since there could never be peace without chaos anyway. Wonyoung as that friend that always joke around and makes herself a fool sometimes and this is where Yujin comes into play. Opposite of Wonyoung's out going goffy personality is the timid and nerdy Yujin.

If Wonyoung prefers talking about Boxing, Yujin prefers to talk about Narnia books. They were literally the opposite of each other and yet somehow, they work well together. Meeting Yujin was quite a memory. You remembered when you first met her and she was shivering, literally. when Wonyoung brought you over to their table.

You know that you need to be very careful of your words consider Yujin's personality and that's what you did. You began to talk to her about the books she was reading, liking her simple hobbies such as star gazing, reading about planets, creating Lego pieces, and even discussing about myths such as the GOATman and skin walker. Slowly but surely, Yujin began to trust you and it was a wonderful feeling seeing Yujin warm up to you and show her true self.

There are time where Yujin would be bullied by other students but you weren't afraid to get dirty for Yujin. Both you and Wonyoung consider Yujin as a very fragile girl and seeing her cry would literally break both your hearts.

"Hey Yujin."

"Y/N.. Umm.. C-Congrats on winning today."

She showed you a small smile as you blushed a little and chuckled at her remark. Everything that Yujin does really make your flutter cause why you may ask? It's a simple equation really.

You like Yujin.

And no it didn't start recently, no. You actually began to like Yujin since the 2nd year of your highschool. It was when she finally began to trust you a lot and that's where your friendship with her began go build up. But you couldn't have the balls to confess to her. Why? Because you were afraid. You know that Yujin treasures the friendship you have with her considering she only has you and Wonyoung as friends. She was a loner without you two and it's just really like that.

"Thanks Yujin. Btw, It's already late at night. How come you two are still out?"

Wonyoung glided herself clinging her arms around you as she immediately gave you her puppy eyes which most males and even females would melt. This of course have an effect on you as you could feel your own cheeks turning red as you looked away from her.

"We wanna see you dummy~"

She changed her voice to a more cuter tone and you could feel your heart racing to its core. The loud beatings it was making was surely felt Wonyoung as she leaned in her chest bumping into your arm. It's softness made you lose your senses as your thoughts was slowly burning down to its core. Images of inappropriate scenes flashed before your eyes and you hated it.

Well as much you hate it, Yujin does too.

She hates it when her best friend Wonyoung would clobber you like her own toy and cling to your arms. She hated that right now, she was making you flustered when in fact she should be the one making you flustered. Jealousy is the word that could describe her feelings right now but who is she to be jealous of Wonyoung. What she lacks is all on Wonyoung. It's like God created Wonyoung to be so perfect that sometimes, Yujin would think to herself that she is a nobody at all. She hates to admit it but sometimes, she's jealous of how perfect Wonyoung is in every category. And right now, Wonyoung was showing her how much her skill in making anyone flustered so easy.

And it's infront of the person she admires.

Yup, Ahn Yujin likes you. The moment you showed interest in her books, she immediately fell in love. Some would say it's not that real when you fall in love so easily but you managed to do that with her. Yujin was a big fan of Korean dramas and her favorite genre is Rom-com. She always admires and dream of Guys that can make her laugh and show interest to what she loves to do and you checked all that list. Time and time again, she keeps telling herself how much she needed to restrain herself from showing any signs that she liked you. It was difficult but she somehow did it.

But she was also scared.

This admiration was bigger than her love for BTS, or Izone or even Twice and even Fromis_9. This was bigger and more powerful than that. It was love. She loved you so deeply that she has done small things towards you.

One of them is giving you her notes in subjects back in highschool. She would get out of her comfort zone just to help you in your struggling subjects. She also stayed in the gym helping you count your shots made and missed.

But the most significant things she could have done was when she, one of the top students back in highschool, take a blame for you. This really shook the entire school system that they had to change the school rules. The student council even had to interrogate you but Yujin defend you with all her might. She didn't want you getting into trouble knowing you have a very special game to Attend. And that memory is still on your mind because you still owe Yujin that. If she didn't take the blame of something that you were accused off, your legacy could in basketball could have been buried in the mud.

Till this day, you were still thinking of ways on what or how you will repay Yujin for that action she did.

"Well, see you around Y/N. I-I'm going first Wony.."

"Ah,Good night-"

Yujin didn't let you finish your sentence as Yujin hurriedly climbed the stairs to their dorm room as Wonyoung could only laugh at her best friend's action.

"She's so easy to read."

"Do you really have to do that?"

"Oh come on now. Y/N, you know damn well that Yujin likes you and she likes you too. When is she gonna man up, or better yet, when will YOU man up? Huh??"

You could only take a deep breath and exhaled it as you placed a hand on you forehead. Wonyoung was a confusing and unpredictable friend. Her usual antics is not something you could track that easily. And right now, you weren't sure if she's spewing facts or if it was her usual bullshit. Either way, you shook your head and denied her.

"Wony, she doesn't like me like that-"

"Accusations! False, Accusations…"

Wonyoung pointed her finger at you and did a complete copy of the meme as you chuckled at her.

"Y/n, I'm telling you this in advance because I really, And I mean I REALLY like you to marry and give Yujin kids because right now. There are Guys planning to ask for Yujin at the incoming Ball. And one of those is someone famous like you, Park Daniel."

You really didn't know how to act towards that information. One part of you was glad that Yujin was being adored considering her timid personality and you were afraid that she wouldn't feel relevant to others. But the majority of your feeling is that, you simply didn't like it. You felt like none of them was capable enough to be worthy of her.

"It's your choice Y/n. I really wanna help you two out but if you won't admit it then I'll help Yujin look preety for whoever invites her at the ball."

Wonyoung walked away leaving you frozen at your spot and the words that Wonyoung said really drilled deep into your mind. Were you this much of a coward when it comes to confessing your feelings to someone? Somehow, taking a bunch of nobodies to the finals and winning a championship seems so easy compared to this task.

You sighed and glided your hand through your hair. The stars was very beautiful tonight and it reminded you how Yujin would act so excitingly whenever she connects a star constellation. Her cheerful face, her beautiful smile, her eyes that show the beauty of the galaxy, everything about her just looks so beautiful and this made you realize something.

You're so deeply in love with Yujin.

Heat began to make their way unto your cheeks as you suddenly was flustered walking home. People might look at you weirdly seeing you all red and smiling like an idiot. But your heart was at peace thinking about her.

The girl named Ahn Yujin.

You really did like her.

No

You loved her more than anything.

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"Say Wony…."

"Hmmh?"

Yujin and Wonyoung was now in their respective beds hoping that sleep would take them in but unfortunately for Yujin, she couldn't properly get her sleep just yet. Wonyoung on the other hand is watching her favorite Drama as she plans to skip her morning classes for tomorrow.

"I'm born to be single aren't I?"

Wonyoung had to blink her eyes a couple times to wake herself up. What her ears heard and how her brained processed it didn't made sense as she immediately sat up from her bed and looked at the girl over to her side. They both have their respective beds on each side of the wall making it easy for them to wake each other up. But Yujin suddenly felt embarrassed by her confession as she pulled her blanked up to cover her half of her face.

"Where is this coming from?"

Wonyoung asked as Yujin kept quiet for a few seconds. She wasn't really sure if it was just her exhaustion kicking to her or she's completely over at the idea that nobody will eger love her.

"I-I mean compared to you, I don't think nobody would love me like how everyone would.."

Her voice quiet down but Wonyoung's sharp ears caught it nonetheless. It was preety obvious that her best friend was once again hating herself and this was one of her habits she often encounters with her. It would only be natural considering that Wonyoung was the complete opposite of Yujin but being the best friend of hers, she knows when to help her and right now, she needed to remind Yujin that she's not who she's thinking about.

"Yujin, what did I tell you about my plan in life?"

"You mean your ultimate goal?"

"Yup. Say it to me again."

"Well. Ummmm.. Your goal is to die a virgin so that you won't be able to share any of your families business to anyone making it crumble and file for bankruptcy because, you, the 12th descendant of the Jang family, want to end the bloodline of your greedy family. "

Wonyoung smiled as she got of her bed and jumped next to Yujin's bed. The tall girl was startledat first but was able to compose herself again.

"You're right except for that Virgin part."

"O-Oh, so you're not a virgin?"

"….."

"Wony?"

"Can we not talk about this?"

"O-Oh, okay.."

Wonyoung took in a deep breath before cuddling with Yujin and smiling happily.

"Yujin, What your saying is a lie. You're loved by a lot of people. I'm already one of those people. Heck, those birds you feed at the park every Sunday morning actually loves you. Notice how they would wait for you every morning?"

"Y-Yeah but-"

"And there's Y/n too. He actually looks out for you a lot more than me and I honestly don't mind it all. Y/n cares a lot about you Yujin."

Just by the thought of you immediately made her heart race faster than normal. Wonyoung being close to her, was able to hear how Yujin's heart beat was calling out to you.

"N-No he's not. H-he's like that to everyone."

"Oh really? Then you wouldn't mind him seeing someone else then?"

It shouldn't have bother her a lot but it did. All that hiding of her so called feelings towards you finally reached it limits. She saw multiple scenarios on her mind seeing you smiling so happily with a girl which wasn't her. This torn her heart apart and it really got her feeling so sad. Tears began to form on her eyes and Wonyoung immediately stood up and hugged the girl tightly.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"I like him…"

Once again, Wonyoung blinked a couple of times before pulling herself away from the crying girl. She looked surprised which was all an act. Behind the facade she was doing, she wanted to scream so loud because her faith and hypothesis was finally answered. She just now needed it to hear it again.

"I'm sorry what did you say Yujin?"

"……I like him…"

Yujin's voice was now so quiet it was hard to hear what she was saying. But Wonyoung, she caught it. She can now finally die in peace knowing her best friend like the person she was shipping with to begin with. A big smile appeared on her face as Yujin widen her eyes. She was already familiar with Wonyoung and the smile that was plastered on her face indicates nothing postive to her.

"Y-Yah Wony don't tell him please!"

"I won't. I won't but, here's the thing. Do you plan to tell him? The ball is just days away and many possible things could happen there and the worst thing that could happen to you is, Y/n is with someone else than you."

Yujin's frown only got bigger as that was really the worst possible scene her eyes can land too. She was sure that no matter how many romance movies or series she would watch, it wouldn't do anything to mend her broken heart. But the question still remains.

Was she really gonna risk her friendship with someone special to her just for the sake of love?

"I-I don't know. I don't know Wony. Will he even accept me? I'm an introvert who loves building Lego and reads fantasy books. Heck I'm a nerd through my heart and he's…. He's the opposite of me.."

Wonyoung felt the sadness in her voice as Yujin once again cried softly. She really hated it when Wonyoung sees her best friend crying and it just triggers something inside her to go violent. There was that famous incident when she saw some bullies bullying Yujin in the hallway back at High school and Wonyoung didn't hesitate to throw hands. She legit broke someone's nose and even dislocated one of their arms with her trained martial arts.

"Should I break Y/n's finger? Naaah that's too much. I love him… AS A BROTHER, yall though you caught me slipping?"

Wonyoung chuckled but she began to formulate an idea and boy did a crazy idea popped into her head. She smiled brightly as she grabbed a hold of Yujin's shoulder.

"Want me to help?"

"H-How?"

She smirked and chuckled which only scared Yujin. It wasn't everyday when you see Wonyoung showing her Heel side.

"Oh no…"

"Well it's like this.."

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"It's weird for you to call me out Y/N, are you perhaps inviting me to the ball-"

"I like Yujin."

Well that was fast. Wonyoung blinked a couple of times before realizing what she heard. She had to rub her eyes for a bit and used her pointy finger to clean both her ears.

"I'm sorry what did you just say?"

Wonyoung asked again this time hoping to hear what she heard was correct. You could only look down embarrassed as your cheeks was turning redder by the second. Just saying that you like Yujin to someone close to her was embarrassing as it is. But one way or another, you have to get this out of your system and say it to someone. Of course, there's the risk of being exposed considering the person your telling this is her best friend after all.

"Wony, I'm sure you heard me loud and clear."

"No, Not at all. What I heard is that you like me"

You could only chuckle at her remark as you looked up to her and sighed.

"I said I like Yujin. Your best friend and..well my friend too."

"Ahhh, okay."

Wonyoung acted like she didn't care at all but deep inside, she was screaming and dancing celebrating this win. Her plan had just been executed and you weren't aware of her amazing plan that she has yet to play out for the two of you.

"Your not suprised by this?"

You asked. You were perplexed and perhaps the shock was enough to convince Wonyoung that it was an important matter. Or maybe Wonyoung already knew that you like Yujin but you were confident that you didn't show any signs that you like Yujin at all. Or perhaps Wonyoung was hiding that she felt sad seeing that she'll be the third wheel in the trio. That sudden though sadden you as you realized what you have done.

"I'm sorry Wony I shouldn't have-"

"Why are you apologizing? Did you do something wrong?"

"Well I though that you would feel… Left out?"

Wonyoung could only laugh out in amusement by your words. Perhaps Wonyoung can finally see why Yujin fell for you.

"Aish, you're too kind Y/n. Why would I be left out? Come ooon~ you know damn well I ain't marrying nobody so why would I be left out? Besides, I plan to adopt a lot of puppies and maybe even cats as my children."

You laughed at her but perhaps she was right. Wonyoung didn't need to be worried about being left out because she already planned to live alone. It's quite saddening to know but after what Wonyoung has gone through with her family business, being alone was the best option for her.

"But Y/n."

"Yeah?"

"Someone already asked Yujin at the ball"

The world suddenly stopped for you. Everything around you was put into a silence state as your brain process what it just heard. Your heart was already sending message through your brain that Yujin was going to the ball with someone else and not you. The feeling of missing the most important shot of the season was nothing compared to seeing Yujin in the arms of another man.

Of course this was bound to happen considering that Yujin was very beautiful girl inside and out. Only and Idiot can't see that but it was still painful because the person you like will be dancing to a guy which isn't you. Wonyoung noticed the shock and dissapointment on your face as she would be lying if she said she didn't feel sad for you. Her plan involved this and it was very essential considering this would only be amazing at the end.

"I-I see…"

"Say, do you want to help Yujin shop for whatever she need for the ball? I was suppose to help her but perhaps you needed this more than me."

Wonyoung's suggesting kinda made you look like a pathetic lovesick man clinging to a hopeless love, or maybe even a one sided love. It did hurt your pride but if you had a chance to at least see the beauty of Yujin for the ball, then you'll take it. Fuck it, this could be your only chance to say your feelings for her and have her with you but will you be able to say it?

"Yeah, sure why not."

"Okay great. I'll message you what time to pick her up at her dorm. With that being said, Bye bye~"

"Yah, At least treat me to something to eat. I'm hungry…"

You pouted your lips and rubbed your belly showing that you were hungry. Of course you weren't that hungry but perhaps you need more time to ask on how your gonna confess to Yujin with the help of Wonyoung. Wonyoung on the other hand rolled her eyes playfully as she walked away with you following from behind constantly teasing her.

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There you stood infront of a familiar dorm building. It was only exclusive to female students of the Flover University. You were waiting outside of the gate waiting for the girl that your heart beats for. Honestly speaking, you weren't really feeling good about this because it was basically for you to say goodbye or confess to Yujin. One mistake and everything that you both shared could be jeopardize and your relationship from close friends can be moved down to strangers. And that's something you don't want to happen.

Your senses was on edge. It was quite normal for you to feel a little worried and terrified of big moments when it comes to the court such as draining the game winning shot or doing crucial free throws. But this, this time, that worry and anxiety blew up through the roof. No moment in your basketball career could top up this moment you were going through. Every second passing by, your fingers were twitching from anxiety and you were not mentally prepared on what will happen today.

"S-Sorry I took a long time..I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

Your eyes were glued to the girl that was standing infront of you. You were damn sure that the sunlight radiates behind her and the birds sang her a very beautiful song. It felt like today, the world's Main character was Ahn Yujin and you were a bystander or an NPC. Her hair was tied up creating a small bun up her head. Her usually black metal coated glasses was replaced with beautiful brown hazel contacts that can mesmerize anyone in her sight. Her baggy and oversized Hoodie was replaced with a white knitted cardigan that is mixed with a beautiful white shirt and denim pants. Infront of you was the girl that rang multiple calls in your heart.

Yujin didn't know what to do next as her blush began to show on her cheeks. Wonyoung basically gave her a makeover and at first, she didn't wanna do it as she wasn't the biggest fan when it comes to makeup. But Wonyoung being the sly fox that she is managed to convince Yujin to give her an overhaul and a little bit of makeover just for her. The silence from you was making Yujin uncomfortable as she looked to the side embarrassed.

"Y-You look amazing Yujin."

Yujin was red as a tomato hearing those words out of your mouth as her heart was beating so fast. A small smile cracked upon her face as the two of you began to walk away. You were honestly nervous than the media interviewing you because beside you was the most beautiful girl your eyes landed into. You began to talk to her like the usual and the two of you immediately got lost on your own world. Even thought Yujin showed more of her beauty, she was still basically that girl that like Legos and fantasy books.

The mall was full packed considering today is the weekends. Wonyoung has given Yujin things that she needed for her Ball and it was only 3 things, a Make-up, A necklace and finally, a dress that she will use. Yujin was honestly confused why Yujin would ask her to buy new Makeup equipments when they have a cabinet fully stacked of makeup. But who is she to complain though, Wonyoung gave her one of her Credit card and she was allowed to buy anything as long as it is under those 3 things that was required to buy.

As Yujin was busy checking her list to buy, You on the other hand was getting annoyed how other guys were looking at Yujin. A sense of jealousy and anger was curling around your body but you kept your cool. In fact, you had no right to be jealous at all considering that Yujin was not your romantical partner so you kept it in for yourself.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Wh-What?"

Yujin hand was suddenly intertwined with yours as you walked ahead with Yujin following you from behind. Her heart was basically racing and her cheeks had immediately turned red. This was one of her imagination turned reality when her hand intertwined with yours. It felt so warm holding your arm as her eyes focused on her hand. While she was busy observing your hand, your cheeks was turning red and you were hiding that big smile appearing on your face.

You thought that you can hold it in with all that jealousy stuff but in the end, you didn't like it when Guys eyed her like a prey. Your instinct kicked in and you unconsciously grabbed her hand out of the heat of the moment and right now you weren't sure where to go next.

"What the fuck! Why did I do that! Now Yujin thinks I'm a weirdo! Fuck!!"

The silence between the two of you was loud as you were just aimlessly walking around the mall not knowing what to do next. Yujin abruptly stopped you walking any further when she tugged your clothes behind you. She was also feeling the heat on her cheeks as she avoid eye contact with you.

"T-This is one of t-the shop that we need to go to…"

Yujin stuttered her words but you heard her clear as day. You and Yujin went to the Make-up store and immediately, your nose scrunched up smelling the amount of perfume and powder all over the surrounding. Yujin couldn't help but chuckle softly seeing your disguted face. You looked back and hear her laughing really soften your heart. A small smile appeared on your face yet your brain was telling you that this could be the last time you'll ever see her laugh and smile around you.

"You still don't like perfumes?"

"It's not like I don't like em Yujin. It's just that, every perfume known to man is mixed in the air right now and it's just straight up making me dizzy."

"Oh no, that's not good. Do you wanna sit down for now?"

You could only stare at her lovingly. Hearing how she was so kind and considerate of you really made you happy and sad at the same time. Every moment you will spend today with her will be memorable so you should make the best out of it.

"No, I'm good. So what's the agenda here?"

"Ah, well Wony told me to buy makeup stuff…."

"Huh? I though you two are already have a lot of those."

"Yeah we do but somehow Wony wanted the newest product for me."

Of course the best was for Yujin because she was the best. It didn't take a genius to know that Wonyoung nothing but the best for her best friend who could possibly be entering a new stage in her life. You could only stay quiet and nod your head as you followed Yujin around looking for Make-up that she will use. Honestly speaking, your hands was still intertwined and both of you didn't want to let go, especially you.

"Hello Ma'am, Are you perhaps looking to buy some lipsticks? We have a great deals for couple right now and they are the hottest sale as of right now."

A sales lady said making Yujin widen her eyes as the familiar Color of red appear on hee face.

"Ah, N-No we're not a couple"

"Oh? I guess I must have interpret it wrong then."

As the sales lady and Yujin converse about the product she was aiming to buy, you slowly removed your hand into hers as her words came at you like a fast break and you fumbled the ball out of bounds. It was heartbreaking that Yujin said that you two were not in a relationship even though it was the truth. But that's how life works, sometimes you get what you want but majority of it, you'll be met with heartbreak.

You could only look down and sigh heavily as you had to composure yourself. There was no reason for you to look upset when the girl you like is having a fun time so far with you.

"At least, I'll see her happy. Just for today, with me.."

You thought yourself as you continued to hide your sadness under your mask. Yujin ended up buying a few makeup and left the store. You weren't holding her hand anymore as any misinterpretation could lead to more cracks on your heart and you didn't want to show your sadness to her.

The next destination was her dress for the ball. Honesty speaking, you were both excited and sadden at the same time. Excited cause you'll be seeing Yujin in a dress. It was dream come true for you as the shy and timid girl you know will be rocking the best dress the world has to offer.

It didn't take that long when the two of you arrived at the tailor shop that Wonyoung has recommended. Upon entering, your eyes had landed on multiple dres hanged on a wall. For sure Yujin will rock any dress but then, there it was. Your eyes froze seeing the perfect dress that will show her beauty to the world. It glittered as the light of the store shined on it.

"Yujin, maybe try that one?"

You didn't hesitate to point at the lavander dress that caught your eyes. Yujin's eyes widen seeing that her favorite color was imprinted to a dress that actually looked so beautiful. She didn't really know if it would blend well with her but you made sure that it was the perfect dress for Yujin.

"Yes, Hello, how can I help you?"

A sales lady approached you as you said

"Can my friend try that Lavander dress please?"

"Sure. Right this way Miss."

Yujin nodded her head as she followed the sales lady into the dressing room. You on the other hand sat down waiting patiently as you tried to calm your nerves down. A small smile appeared on your face imagining Yujin with that purple dress smiling happily towards you. But that small happiness popped as soon as it was getting into the best part. The reality of Yujin dancing with another man was inevitably and that really stings your heart.

You may have seen the dress but you're not the person she would be dancing with.

"Umm… H-How does it l-look?"

The curtains was moved to the side and you looked up to see an angel in a dress unworthy of you. The lavander silk dress just elevates the beauty of Yujin from the outside and the little pearls that is all over her torso was a cute touch. The patterns engrave on the silhouette of the dress left a snowy trail. You were frozen unto your own feet as your eyes didn't even blink admiring Yujin.

"Oh my, looks your boyfriend is at awe Miss."

The sales lady said as Yujin's heart began to race faster and her cheeks turning redder by the second.

"A-Ah he's no-"

"Yeah, yeah. Her boyfriend will surely be at awe seeing her dress."

Yujin immediately turned around to face you as she noticed the small frown forming on your face and your overall stance just didn't radiate much joy like she was used to.

"Oh, are you not her boyfriend sir?"

The sales lady asked. You wanted to laugh or even let out a chuckle but that would be rude considering you're not even close to that title with Yujin.

"Nope, I'm just merely her friend."

You smiled but Yujin knows you better. She knows it when your lying to yourself and coating yourself from the pain you were going through and right now, she can tell you were in deep pain but hide it off with a smile. That broke the heart of Yujin because hearing that you only see yourself as a friend towards her, it was painful. She loved you dearly yet you admitted that your nothing more but a friend towards her.

"Wony, Please…. I hope your plan works"

.

.

.

.

"I wonder if Yujin's enjoying the ball.."

You spoke to yourself as you laid on your bed watching the ceiling for the past 30 minutes. Your phone has been sitting idle on your side not receiving any call, messages nor notifications from anyone. Tonight's event was very memorable for everyone especially those people who is taking a huge step for their relationship with someone. Tonight was a make or break step for them which was gonna be memorable.

But for you?

You were laying in bed, watching the ceiling as every second pass by. What's the thrill of tonight when the person you like is going with someone else. Should you go there and let your heart break even more?

"Fuck this, I need a drink."

You stood up from your bed and walked the familiar steps in your place. Everywhere your eyes looked was a memory with Yujin and this only made it so crushing and heavy for your own heart. You wanted to forget about it or perhaps, just close those memories off with the help of liquor. That guy has never failed you when it comes to forgetting things and leaving you able to sleep peacefully. Standing infront of your refrigerator, you pulled the door and grabbed a can of beer and opened it. With one chug, the alcoholic beverage ran down your throat living a stinging sensation on it. Your head began to fill dizzy but immediately returned to normal as you took your feet to the living room.

You plopped down with your drink at hand. It felt so empty in your room. You were already aware that you were all alone in this room but the fact that you might be living all alone in the future scared you. A sour and painful chuckle came out of your mouth as you took a sip from your drink.

"I'll be so lonely because nobody I will meet will be Ahn Yujin…"

It was painful to think that right now, Yujin is smiling, laughing, and happily dancing at a guy that isn't you. Yujin would be the center of attention because she has always been beautiful and her attire tonight surely made that happen. A fiery feeling suddenly ignited inside you as you were familiar with this feeling.

"Why am I such a fucking coward? I can take the last shot yet I can't fucking confess to Yujin? I'm so pathetic!…"

This was gonna be a problem for you. You didn't want to sleep frustrated because the drink would not take effect. So what do you do calm down? You stand up and go outside of your small balcony letting the cold night breeze greet you.

"No matter how many drinks I'll chug down. I'll never forget Yujin…"

At this point, all the things that made you adore and love Yujin flashed before your very eyes. Her sweet smile, her beautiful laughter that always send butterflies to your stomach, her amazing vocals that she hides when in fact everyone should br aware of her singing voice, her soft hands. Tears began to form on your eyes and slowly, they became to heavy as you began to sob heavily.

"Yujin… I love you so much…"

You promised yourself that you would be letting her go tonight but your heart just couldn't let her go just like that. Even though you know that you have no absolute chance now, your heart still desires for her.

"Y/n?"

"Now I'm even going crazy. I can even hear her voice right now"

"Y/n…."

"Wait a minute.…"

You looked behind you and there she stood.

With the lavender dress that you helped her pick. She stood there looking beautiful as ever yet her eyes showed sadness and concern. You froze in place not wanting to move at all because your mind and heart was admiring her. The person Yujin was looking at was so broken that she felt her heart crack piece by piece. The man that she admired and always stood beside her always smiling and giving her postive energy was broken. She didn't want to see this at all. She clenched her fist and walked towards you not giving a damn about her dress. She engulfed you in a warm embrace that immediately soothes your broken heart.

Happiness,

confusion,

excited,

and scared.

Those four emotions bottled inside as you didn't really know what was going on but your body instinctively hugged her back. You held her close to your body and just like that, your sadness and worries was washed away in her embrace. Yujin could hear your heart calming down as she looked up towards you. Her soft pair of dark brown eyes locked with your own and there you saw your own reflection.

Broken

Yet

Was repaired

By

The

Girl

You

Loved

"What are you doing here Yujin?"

You managed to ask her despite your trembling voice. Yujin didn't let her eyes off you as she used her hand and wiped away the tears that was falling off your cheeks.

"I'm sorry Y/n. I thought Wonyoung's plan would work but in the end, I came running towards you."

You were visibly confused. There wasn't any indication that the two girls planned something in fact, what is even the plan to begin with.

"Yujin, what are you talking about?"

Yujin took in a deep breath because this was the moment. She has to say it now or else everything could be in vain after everything the duo has prepared for. But the pressure was on Yujin because she has to confess everything, and that means ger feelings as well.

"P-Please don't get mad at Wony but you see, Wony kinda planned out this whole I'm dancing with another man thing. And the ending was suppose to be me D-dancing with you at your apartment. but Wony saw not replying to her so she decided to check up on you and she immediately informed me about you drinking alone in the balcony. I-I immediately ran as fast as I can to see you… "

You lost trail because your brain could only process the words Dancing with you. You stared at her who looked embarrassed as a red tint appear on her cheeks.

"So wait, does this mean that everything that happened when we went to the mall is all Wonyoung's plan?"

"Y-Yeah… I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"So, Shall we dance?"

Yujin widen her eyes as you smiled at her. There was no hint of annoyance or anger on your face, just your usual smile that she has grown accustomed to.

"I think I have the perfect music for this night."

You pulled out your phone and played a song very familiar with Yujin as she couldn't help but chuckle.

"Seriously? That song?"

"Come on, you like this sing."

With a nod, you offered your hand towards her who happily accepted your hand. Your left hand pulled her back closer to her as the two of you began to step side to side dancing to the slow music that was playing. Both your eyes didn't leave each other as both of you smiled. This was the ending you were looking for and perhaps this really is the true ending. But what if it wasn't?

You have to stand firmly and say what your heart desire towards her. Ahn Yujin was the girl for you but were you the boy for her?

"Yujin.."

"Hmm?"

"Why… Why did you two did this?"

This was it. Yujin has to answer truthfully or else everything will crumble down even her friendship with you. She was nervous as sweats began to form behind her back. Her smile didn't dissappeared as she looked at you with an unfamiliar feeling. Your heart began to beat louder as Yujin stares at you.

"Y/n, through out our friendship, I'm forever grateful towards you for everything you did to me. The way you stood by my side whenever I feel down and sad. I'm thankful for that. Especially since you're……you're the only person that my heart desire"

Stunned.

You were stunned and speechless. Yujin's stare at you wasn't an unfamiliar feeling. It was what your heart desire to see everytime you think of her. The feeling of love.

She was in love with you.

"Y/n, I love you. You're the one I like-"

You had to stop her or else you wouldn't be able to control yourself anymore. Your lips connected with hers as Yujin widen her eyes. Her imagination every night of this scenario had become a reality that she wish not ending. The night was still young yet your love towards each other was burning with passion. Yujin placed her arm around your shoulder as she kissed you back. Her lips was in sync with yours and you had to pull away catching your breath.

You didn't want to die now do you?

"Yujin. All this time, all this years. My eyes were only fixed towards you and no one else. The moment I saw you smile happily, I fell in love instantly. And that small crush I had in Highschool only grew bigger when I spent a lot of time hanging out with you. "

"Y/n…"

"Yujin. No, Ahn Yujin."

"Yes?"

"I know I'm not the perfect man out there and there maybe a lot of skilled guys out there that are more suited to be with you. But I, will do everything I can to show you how much I love you so…"

You kneeled down with one leg as Yujin gasped covering her mouth. You smiled and grabbed the nearby flower in the small vase on the kitchen table and offered it to Yujin.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Ahn Yujin?"

Yujin couldn't hide her tears anymore as she began crying out of happiness. She removed her hand and was smiling while crying. Instead of accepting your flower, she gently tackled you for a hug as both of you came crashing down on the floor with her sobbing and clinging to you tightly.

"Yes! Yes! A thousand yes!!"

Yujin said as both of you eyed each other and laughed whole heartedly. This was the true ending in fact. Your heart was now at peace as the girl you loved and admire was at your arms clinging to you and even smiling. You would risk everything just to keep her smiling and happy and even though there would be challenges along the way, both of you trust each other to the point nothing will scare you of what's to come. Perhaps you didn't need to attend the ball to show your true feelings for the girl you loved.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"You did good wonyoung.. You did good."

Wonyoung smiled happily as she pulled away from your apartment room smiling happily as she heard everything.

"My mission here is done. Fufufu~"

With that, the tall girl left the scene with a happy and proud face plastered on her face.

[kon-igi]

NEOTENIE & UNCANNY VALLEY

Naturalmente l’anticipazione del mio post precedente (’ᴜɴ ɴᴜᴏᴠᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴀꜱꜱɪᴛᴀ ɴᴇʟʟᴀ ᴠᴀʟʟᴇ ᴍɪꜱᴛᴇʀɪᴏꜱᴀ’) era un puro e semplice clickbait alla X Files perché l’argomento non tratterà di tenie mutanti che liberate da un ghiacciaio millenario infestano i cervelli dei protagonisti trasformandoli in etc... ma di due concetti psicologico-etologico-antropologici per me molto affascinanti. E parecchio rivelatori di molte delle interazioni sociali quotidiane che diamo per scontate.

La NEOTENÍA (l’accento va sulla penultima sillaba) è una parola composta che deriva dal greco antico (νέος, nuovo + τείνω, estendere, allungare) e in ambito evoluzionistico si riferisce al permanere di tratti infantili fisici (ma anche comportamentali) nell’individuo adulto.

Come mi ripete sempre il mio amico @salfadog​  (e spero di ricordare bene sennò mi ciuccio 17 minuti di audio correttivo furioso) ‘L’INDIVIDUO SOPRA LA SPECIE, LA SPECIE SOPRA LA RAZZA’ o qualcosa del genere, a significare che non esiste un libretto delle istruzioni divino in cui è indicato con precisione lo schema fisico e psichico in cui un individuo (animale o uomo che sia) si evolverà ma morfogrammi ed etogrammi che DANNO UN INDIRIZZO GENERICO di forma fisica e comportamento psichico.

Ritornando alle neotenìe, quindi, possiamo dire che sono un adattamento vestigiale evolutivo del KINDCHENSCHEMA di konradlorenziana memoria, cioè un permanere di quei SEGNALI INFANTILI che permettono al nuovo nato e all’individuo govane di scatenare nell’adulto una RISPOSTA PROTETTIVA DI ACCUDIMENTO.

Testa grande e rotonda, occhi enormi, tratti morbidi, movimenti goffi sono tutti segnali infantili che attivano il cosiddetto AWWW, che non è un acronimo ma il verso che gli adulti fanno di fronte a un qualsiasi cucciolo... a meno che non siate dei narcisisti sociopatici oppure offesi perché non ho inserito un gattino.

(A tal proposito i giapponesi di questo fenomeno ne hanno fatto una subcultura - il KAWAII - anche se poi hanno rovinato tutto con il LOLICON)

Tenete duro ché adesso arrivo quasi al punto.

Nel titolo c’è anche il termine UNCANNY VALLEY che ho tradotto in modo volutamente scorretto ma che in italiano è reso con ZONA DELLA PERTURBANZA.

Un esempio che vale mille spiegazioni:

In un gran numero di esseri viventi complessi l’approccio tra due individui avviene tramite lo studio del volto dell’altro al fine di individuare segnali rivelatori delle intenzioni.

Senza che nemmeno ce ne rendiamo conto, in pochi secondi il nostro inconscio ha già deciso se una persona è pericolosa, divertente, fastidiosa, piacevole o desiderabile.  

‘A pelle mi sta antipatica’, ‘mi è subito piaciuto’, ‘non mi sento a mio agio�� etc

La foto dell’Uomo-Annuario sopra dà un senso istintivo di perturbanza perché non solo non ha nulla del Kindchenschema ma devia dai canoni della T e della doppia O.

La T è la lettera gigante ‘disegnata’ dalle sopracciglia e dal naso (’rompere la T’ in gergo militare è riferito al trucco mimetico facciale in diagonale che deve rendere irriconoscibile il volto umano) mentre la doppia O è ovviamente riferita agli occhi.

Sopracciglia quasi inesistenti, iridi nere come la pupilla, a cui si aggiungono una fronte alta e una bocca serrata... come dare torto a chi afferma che Zuckerberg sia un robot?

E infatti la Valle della Perturbanza si riferisce alla brusca caduta della curva di gradimento di un volto man mano che l’artificiosità dello stesso si avvicina a simulare troppo quello reale.

Ah, già... il punto...

Tutto quanto detto fin’ora non è una giustificazione della gamma dei nostri variegati comportamenti sociali (’è colpa del mio etogramma se mi fai schifo’) ma una buona spiegazione per cominciare a capire su quale base siano costruiti, si manifestino, quanto ci influenzino e come comprendere e incanalare queste influenze...

...considerando che esistono anche le NEOTENÍE PSICHICHE e che ogni giorno è molto facile avere a che fare con persone adultescenti che trovano molto funzionali comportamenti infantili manipolatori con richiesta più o meno implicita di accudimento della propria centralità.

E mi cadesse un occhio nello scarico del bidet se non state già facendo la lista.

[10-frogs-in-a-siut]

Kenma x male reader

You had bin a fan of the Nekoma volleyball team now and , you had been kinda stocking the team and you were tying your beast to hide from your schools team that you loved  Nekoma teams setter . you were going to Shiratorizawa and you had just bin starting on there volleyball team and getting used to thing . you manly stuck to your self but you got along for the most part with  Ushijima . The rest of the team we’re fine but you preferred to stay to the side lines . 

Unfortunately one afternoon you had ran into a Ushijima and tendou on your way to a nekoma game . “ Y/N” tendou yelled walking up to you and marking one of his wired faces as you continued to walk like you didn’t hear them trying to avoid making eye contact. that was Until tendou Lached on to you and Spun you aroun  by your shoulders “ HEY Y/N what’s up where are you going your gonna miss out on practice” he yelled as Ushijima nodded as you started to panic “ oh tendou Ushijima I umm I was umm I have a family matter yeah that believable” you said muttering under her breath . You then quickly ran off to catch the train to nekoma next game . Unfortunately for you this made the two extremely suspicious of your reason to leave as they watch you jog off in the Direction of the train station . 

You made it 20 minutes before the match started to see the cute Pudding Head setter stretch . You were leaning on the railing with your head phones in when you heard two very familiar voice you looked around and didn’t see anything at first and Assumed that it was just your imagination until you felt a hard slap on the back and looked up drone the teams practice to see a disappointed ushijima and a confuse tendou looking down at you . Your mind was racing with panic , without  you noticing they had followed you and were shock to were they found you  . “ umm I ah I can explain I . . I just ummm I’m I going to be kicked off the team for this” you stuttered out in panic .

They then nodded no “ what you do in your own time is up to your we’re just kinda confused why you didn’t tell us” . You blushed and looked away  poking your fingers together. “ I- i I like . .” You were near tears “ I really like the nekoma setters ok he’s cute ok” you said walking off taking a set behind were they were standing hiding your face eyes red an puffy. They looked down at you shocked at how sifted you seemed you normally were quiet and stern looking so for you to come off so small and frail was a shock to the boys , they looked at each and sat down on either side of you “ you know Y/n buddy we weren’t trying to make you feel uncomfortable” tendou said as he rubbed his neck .

You three after a wile you had comed down and you three had watched the team play they won and it was great.tendou , Ushijima and you were walking out off the . That’s when you three saw the team walking tords you and that when tendou got the grate idea to play match maker and shove you into the Pudding Head him self . “ I -I-I I’m sorry i didn’t mean to” you stuttered out as the boy fell to the floor with you . Tendou then ran off with Ushijima in hand and left you with the nekoma team “ no it’s fine” kenma said helping you up . You looked at the charm on his back “ hey you play video games to” you said awkwardly rubbing “ yeah I love video games ” the two of you had talked and bonded over video games .

“ kenma hurry up or we’re gonna leave you”  Kuroo yelled out from the doors kenma had looked at him and back at you “ here” he grabbed your hand and write down his number and a couple of his gamers tag . “ call me and maybe we can play some games together see you” kenma said running off to get on the bus , leaving you a blushing mess for tendou and  Ushijima to take home . As you walked off with a Goffy smile on your face “ remind me to thank you later Tendo” you said as you three walked .

[henri9617]

"Eh, ah

Torno a rappare, come se avessi smesso

Torna complesso, ma torna perché senza te non è lo stesso

Per come è messo il panorama, trovarci un senso non mi ripaga

Ma non fa niente raga

Sogni si gonfiano come Big Babol se ci soffi dentro

Ma non soffi tanto

Quando ci credi però rischi che ci soffi troppo

Scoppiano e ci soffri intanto

Che cerchi invano di staccarli via dal labbro

Vedi, quando mi sveglio lei

Mi sta accanto a reggermi tutti gli scleri

E mi sussurra i numeri che ho fatto ieri

Gli amici veri sono pochi

Con quei pochi ci ho scazzato daily

Prometto un sorriso nei prossimi mesi

Altri li ho visti andare via, con certi bronci

Ma giuro che non ho capito ancora oggi

E sto pensando che a sbagliare siamo goffi

Che non chiediamo scusa, e che ci fingiamo morti"

[ge]

Do you know of anyone who would be willing to do a kinda goffy OC commission? I have an OC and a dumb anime screenshot I like for them to be drawn in. You don't have to answer this of course(: I just thought you'd be a good person to ask ❤

AH i dont know off the top of my head whos taking comms atm but if any of my artist oomfies r looking to pls reply or rb...! ^___^ <3

[thelittlehansy]

No one is what it seems....

In diplomatic visit in the southern isles after a crealy not wanted conversation...

Hans : i would love to help the poor but I just don’t know because I hesitated between saving dolphins from the pollution or polar bear from the global warming !

Anna : wooo « Force smile »

Anna : Hans

Anna : I...

Anna : impressed !!! « Force smile »

Hans : «  big goffy smile » thanks you Anna !!!!

Anna : « embarrass »

Hans : oh Anna...

Anna : ah ! I knew it you are pranking me « happy »

Hans : « confuse »

Hans : no....i was saying to look at the butterfly next to you !!!!

Anna : what ?

Hans : awwwwwww look it is so cuuute !!!

Anna : yeah !

Anna : A lot ! « Rolled her eyes »

Hans : « giggle» I m gonna built it a little house !!!

Anna: ...

[bing-fucker]

Goffy 1 (Logan and Remus being dared to have sex) maybe someone thinking would be a actusl challenge since remus is kinda gross and logan is all like "I don't feel anything"

Sure, kitten.

Warnings: Dares to have sex (could be counted as dubious consent), Embarrassment, Public Sex, Dirty Talk, Daddy Kink, Cum Facial, Voyeurism, Deceit, Remus

Truth or dare was always a strange game among the sides. And Logan wasn't often dragged into it, the other sides usually leaving him to his own devices. But, of course, Remus had insisted that Logan join in today.

"Virgil, truth or dare?" Patton asked, grinning at Virgil.

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss the cutest person in the circle!"

Virgil shrugged and kissed Patton's forehead. "All right. Logan, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Logan answered absently.

Virgil hummed for a second before grabbing Roman, Deceit, and Patton to help think of a dare. They discussed for a while, looking back at Logan and Remus occasionally.

Logan shrugged and went back to reading. Remus frowned and squinted at the others, wondering why he hadn't been included.

"Okay, we've decided," Virgil declared, turning around and looking at Logan. "Logan. I dare you to have sex with Remus."

Remus choked on air, looking at them all in shock. Logan quirked an eyebrow.

Dares like this weren't uncommon among the sides. They were usually given solely for shock value, and a way to get another play to lose the game. It was one of the rules- if you deny a dare, you lose.

But Logan isn't a loser, okay? He doesn't lose. Even if the others are all looking at him, waiting for him to object. And even if it is Remus. Who, admittedly, is someone who is quickly worming his way into Logan's affections, quite ignorant of whether Logan wants him to be there or not. But Remus is, well, gross. He'd probably be into some weird stuff that totally didn't make something stir in Logan's gut. But Logan isn't a quitter.

"Remus, are you adverse?" Logan asked, looking at Remus curiously.

"I- what?" Remus asked, confused. Everyone else seemed just as confused.

"I said, are you adverse to this?" Logan repeated patiently.

"Uhm. No. I'm not adverse." Logan nodded and pulled Remus into a deep kiss.

Remus squeaked in shock, but then eagerly kissed back. Logan winced slightly as Remus' teeth bit into his lip harshly, but eagerly returned it. Remus grinned and pulled Logan into his lap, groping him all over.

Logan pulled away for breath, licking blood and saliva off his lips. Remus whined softly as he pulled away, turning and pushing Logan to lay on the floor.

"I-is this really happening?" Virgil asked faintly, seemingly transfixed by Remus tearing Logan's clothes off and licking his chest wetly.

"I-I think it is," Patton responded, blushing and squirming slightly.

"We should look away, right?" Virgil asked.

"I don't think I can," Deceit replied, licking his lips and leaning closer.

"Yeah, I'm leaving. I don't need to be exposed to this," Roman said, quickly fleeing the room.

Remus grinned and sucked on one of Logan's nipples, grinning up at him. Logan whimpered softly.

"W-watch your teeth," he gasped, struggling with Remus' outfit. "This isn't fair, I'm completely naked, and you're still dressed like if Elphaba was a man."

Remus laughed and stood, quickly taking off his clothes and letting the others get a good look at a naked Logan.

"I didn't think he'd actually do it," Virgil muttered, embarrassed at how hard he was getting. "I mean. It's Remus. And I didn't really think Logan did this sort of thing..."

"Hush," Deceit hissed, leaning back to enjoy the show.

"Hands and knees," Remus purred, flipping Logan around easily. Logan blushed and followed the order, pressing his ass back.

Remus groaned and leaned forward, sloppily sticking his tongue into Logan's entrance and moaning. Logan whimpered softly, arms collapsing at the sudden pressure. He carefully pillowed his head and chest on the floor, hips in the air only because of Remus' harsh grip on them.

"Mmmm," Remus purred, pulling away lightly. "What a juicy butthole~"

"O-oh, hush," Logan panted, shivering as Remus licked up his butt crack. "Will you fuck me already?"

"Awww, does baby want it dry?" Remus teased. "Does baby want daddy's cock inside him that much?"

"Oh, shut up and fuck me," he groaned.

"Call me daddy and I will," Remus giggled, biting Logan's ass cheek and sucking on it harshly.

"O-oh, fuck, fine! Daddy, please, fuck me!" Logan begged, pressing his ass back against Remus.

"Oh, shit," Patton cried out softly, pants darkening as he came.

"How cute," Remus giggled, moving Logan around to face the others as he forced his cock into his hole. "Cute little Patton came just from some foreplay."

Logan gasped and moaned loudly, gripping the floor tightly. "F-fuck, Remus, give me some warning!"

"Sorry, baby," Remus groaned. "Daddy was just so desperate to feel your walls around him."

"Yeah, well, daddy can take a second to warn me," Logan huffed, biting his lip and motioning for Remus to move.

Remus grinned and started fucking Logan brutally. The others all whined softly as Logan drooled and moaned, mouth open as Remus' cock pressed in and out of him.

"Oh, fuck," Deceit purred, rubbing his cocks through his pants as he watched Remus' cock disappear into Logan.

"Oh, fuck," Logan mirrored, his walls tightening around Remus' cock.

Remus moaned softly. "Oh, yeah. Love how you feel, baby. Love how your walls feel, squeezing my cock so tightly. Like you want to trap me inside of you forever. Do you love daddy's fat cock that much?"

"Fuck, yes, daddy," Logan moaned, the title dripping from his lips like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh? You really do love daddy's cock that much? Want to live with daddy's cock inside of you, filling you up so perfectly?" Remus moaned as his thrusts became sloppier, his already rhythmless pattern falling apart as he drove his cock further into Logan.

Logan gasped and screamed as Remus nailed his prostate, arching his back. Remus grinned and pulled Logan up onto his knees, letting the others watch as Logan's cock spurted his cum, completely untouched but for a bit of foreplay.

"Ah~ I love you~" Logan screamed as he came, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder.

Virgil whimpered as he came, hiding his face in Patton's shoulder. Deceit groaned and pulled out his cocks, jerking them quickly. Logan watched his hand move, moaning weakly as Remus buried himself as deep into Logan as he could, filling him with his cum.

"Aw, do you want to cum on baby, De?" Remus asked, grinding into Logan's ass lightly. Deceit groaned and nodded faintly. "Is that okay, baby?" Remus moved Logan back to laying down so he could reach Deceit's cocks.

"Yes, daddy," Logan panted, moaning as Deceit came over his face, licking as much up as he could.

Deceit blushed and tucked himself back into his pants. Remus pulled out and fixed himself, helping Logan clean up. "You know, we will have to talk about you saying you love me at some point," he commented softly.

"I know," Logan panted, nuzzling him as he cleaned his face. "Later, though."

"Well," Roman huffed, looking at them all from the stairway. "I guess this means that our game is done?"

[medinainternational]

(Motif-Radio) Reggae Pon Top # 25 Show Tracklisting below:

SINGLES: DEAN FRASER & ERNIE RANGLIN- JOSHUA ZION HEAD DUBPLATE- JAH WATCHING OVER WE STICK FIGURE FEAT. COLLIE BUDDZ- SHOWDOWN TANYA STEPHENS- PON THE CORNER AL CAMPBELL- TURN TO JAH BUSHMAN- NONSENSE DEMARCO-ONE LIFE DUKE OF ROOTS FEAT. TARRUS RILEY- PRESSURE DROP AMBELIQUE- AINT NO LOVE IN KINGSTON CITY QUEEN OMEGA- FITTEST MARTIN MELODY- SO FLY MAJOR POPULAR- THIS PLACE DEBBIE DEFIRE- BLAZE DE FIRE

RIDDIMS: MEAN GIRL RIDDIM ASAP RIDDIM DISCERN RIDDIM CRUISE IN RIDDIM

DANCEHALL RIDDIM: ANTHONY RED ROSE AND SLY AND ROBBIE-SILENCE MAJOR MACKERAL FEAT BEENIE MAN- THE OTHER DAY MAJOR MACKERAL- MORE GAL AH ROAD INEZI- FINE WINE BURNA BOY- LAST LAST (WILLY CHIN REMIX) SHAKA- CHOICE CHRONIC LAW- ENERGY PATEXX- MECK A TOAST STYLISH- MAGNIFICENT QYOR FEAT. MACKEEHAN- YOU BELIEVE IN ME GOFFI NUFF- TWANGING ZONE MAJOR POPULAR- ALRIGHT NOW NAKEETA- MY LIFE KIDI FT. MAVADO- BLESSED DRE ISLAND- HIGH WITH YOU ONE RIDDIM

ROOTS REGGAE/ONE DROP: RAGING FYAH- RAGING FIRE DETERMINATION- SEE ME IN THE PARK ITALEE- BABYLON MONEY PRINCE ALLAH- TOO LONG SEVANA- LOWE MI ME ZION DREAD- RHYTHM OF THE SPIRITUAL WARRIOR ZION HEAD- SHOW LOVE ZION HEAD SHOW LOVE DUBPLATE LUCIANO- NO WAR CLUTCHEYE- JAH RULE BUNNY LYE LYE- ATTENTION KIMICO- PROFILE HARDIO- STEAMAZ DONOVAN KINGJAY- AMNESIA SANTANA- TELL ME

[jamespeppersalt]

Vaike/Cynthia PC Support

One of my friends said Cynthia would be “goofy” with Vaike as her dad

She was right but the support is not nearly as goffy as the original draft :^P

Feat. lots of heroing!

Vaike/Cynthia PC Support

C Support

 Villager: Thank the gods you two arrived just in time! Our village can never thank you enough.

 Cynthia: You don’t have to thank us, civilian!

 Vaike: My daughter’s right. It’s all in a day’s work!

 Cynthia: And if you’re ever in trouble again, don’t be afraid to call after us again!

 Villager: We’ll certainly keep that in mind.

 (Villager leaves)

 Cynthia: That was AMAZING, Papa!

 Vaike: Well, shoot, squirt! You think so?

 Cynthia: Yeah!! You’re, like, the coolest EVER!

 Cynthia: And our entrances were uber-awesome! I told you that chrysanthemums were totally your color!

 Vaike: We should do this again sometime, kiddo! Although I may need to work on my entrances...

 Vaike: But I can’t stay and chat; I’ve gotta skedaddle.

 Cynthia: Huh? Where?

 Vaike: Oh, you’ll see! It’s where I first took the steps to becoming the great Teach!

 Cynthia: Really?! I can’t wait to see it, then!

 Vaike: You will soon, trust me! See you in a bit, Cynthia!

   B Support

 Vaike: Alright, just a little detour before we leave Ylisstol.

 Vaike: Wonder how everyone’s been...

 Cynthia: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Where have you been?!

 Vaike: Cynthia? What are you doing here?!

 Cynthia: You weren’t in the barracks! I thought we were going to meet up to work on your heroic entrances!

 Vaike: Oh, geez. I forgot…

 Vaike: Uh, sorry, sweetheart, but I needed to come here before we left, or I wouldn’t have time.

 Cynthia: Huh? Where are we?

 Vaike: What? Don’t you know this place? This is the place I told you I was going after we saved that village!

 Vaike: This is my home!

 Cynthia: I-It is? It looks so…

 Cynthia: ...Different.

 Vaike: I’m surprised future me never took you here! C’mon, you’ve got to meet everyone!

 Woman: Ah, Vaike! If it isn’t the neighborhood hero. What brings you here?

 Vaike: Hey, Hilda! Just a routine visit before the Vaike has to march off.

 Woman: And who’s this then? One of your Shepherd pals?

 Vaike: This is my daughter! Say hi, Cynthia!

 Cynthia: ...Hi.

 Woman: Oh, she looks just like her mother! You’re a lucky fella.

 Woman: Well, any child of Vaike’s is family to us. You’re always welcome here, sweetie!

 Vaike: C’mon! I’ve got to introduce you to the rest of the family!

 Vaike: ...Hm? Why the long face, hon?

 Cynthia: E-Er, no reason!

 Vaike: Hm. Well, okay! But we gotta hurry.

 Vaike: Hey, there’s Cousin Lenny. Hey, Lenny! Teach’s back to see ya!!

 (Vaike leaves)

 Cynthia: This place… it’s just like he always said it was…

  A Support

 Girl: Oh, Cynthia, do it again!

 Cynthia: Alright!

 Cynthia: Look upon my might, ye wicked, and despair! HIYA!

 Man: Now isn’t that just nifty! You’re a hoot, Cynthia!

 Cynthia: I’d love to stay, but I’ve got to march out soon! A Shepherd’s work is never done!

 Vaike: Cynthia? What are you doing here?

 Cynthia: D-Dad! I didn’t know you were coming for a visit today.

 Vaike: I wasn’t going to originally, but I thought I’d find you here.

 Cynthia: What?! How’d you know I was here?

 Vaike: I figured you’d come; you’d been asking about this place for days after I first showed you around.

 Vaike: When I couldn’t find you or Belfire anywhere at camp for the fifth time, I put two and two together and figured you’d come here.

 Vaike: I know it’s nice to visit home every once in a while, but we have a duty, Cynthia! This is an unauthorized absence!

 Cynthia: I know! And I’m sorry! It’s just…

 Cynthia: In the future, a lot of Ylisstol was destroyed. Some places were left mostly intact, but others were… worse off.

 Cynthia: Places where there weren’t a lot of soldiers, full of poor, defenseless people that nobody higher up would miss…

 Vaike: ...Places like this. The slums.

 Cynthia: You never took me here because our enemies razed it. You never forgave yourself for not being able to save it.

 Cynthia: I wasn’t deserting, I swear! I didn’t know if or when it’d happen, so I wanted to be here whenever I could to check on it, just in case.

 Cynthia: But as I did my patrols, I got to know a lot of people here! They’re so friendly, but they’re also really sad.

 Cynthia: They don’t deserve to be destroyed or forgotten… or to be sad.

 Cynthia: So I’ve been helping out here or there, fixing stuff, strengthening defenses, doing perimeter checks on Belfire--

 Cynthia: Even just to doing a cool routine or flower fortunes to cheer people up!

 Cynthia: I know it’s been taking out of heroing it up with the Shepherds, but… I think it’s worth it.

 Vaike: Cynthia…

 Vaike: I think you’ve learned a lot, but you’ve forgotten one thing.

 Cynthia: Huh?! What’s that?

 Vaike: It’s just as important to be a hero OFF the battlefield as ON!

 Vaike: You’re doing a lot for the people here when not many people are. Even something as little as cheering up people who are sad…

 Vaike: If those people have next to nothing else, you can be just as much there hero to them as the guy whacking people with swords!

 Cynthia: You really think so?!

 Vaike: Of course! If I’d had someone like you here to help me out and cheer me up, it would’ve meant the world to me!

 Vaike: I’m proud of you, kid.

 Cynthia: R-Really?!

 Vaike: Of course! I just hope you’ll let your old man join you!

 Cynthia: Ah! Of course!

 Cynthia: I think there are some kids around here who wanted to learn how to do flower fortunes!

Cynthia: C’mon, Dad! There’s heroing to do!

[fiafico]

L’anello

"Un Anello per allagarli, un Anello per incantarli, un Anello per accecarli e nel fuoco gettarli" (Mi dispiace tanto ma non ho potuto trattenermi dal farlo)

La notte era calma e fredda, le strade erano buie ormai da molto tempo e il silenzio era calato sulla città come un sottile telo trasparente.

La Luna era appena visibile dall'interno della camera da letto e la sua debole luce lattea illuminava i capelli chiari di Caesar che dormiva profondamente accanto a lui, dandogli le spalle.

Joseph si girò, attento a non svegliare l'altro con i suoi goffi movimenti, e si alzò lentamente dal letto.

Sussultò quando i piedi nudi toccarono le assi fredde del pavimento e si affrettò a recuperare le pantofole scivolate inspiegabilmente sotto al comodino.

Caesar dietro di lui si mosse un pochino, ma non si svegliò.

Joseph espirò e uscì dalla stanza in punta di piedi, scendendo le scale ed entrando in cucina.

Si avvicinò alla credenza e prese quello che il suo ragazzo era assolutamente sicuro essere un barattolo pieno di burro d'arachidi e proprio per questo non lo sfiorava neanche.

Il suo orgoglio culinario non gli avrebbe mai permesso di mangiare una schifezza come quella.

Per Joseph, finché Caesar la pensava così andava bene, anche perché era solo grazie a quell'idea che il moro era riuscito a nascondere il suo regalo di San Valentino.

Aprì il barattolo, prese la scatolina blu dal suo interno e l'aprì per la centesima volta da quando l'aveva comprata tre giorni prima.

L'anello d'argento luccicante risplendeva nell'oscurità, evidenziando il contorno del piccolo smeraldo incastonato su di esso.

Joseph sorrise, ripensando al povero commesso della gioielleria che aveva fatto correre avanti e indietro per cercare un gioiello che rispecchiasse perfettamente tutto ciò che amava di Caesar.

Guardò l'orologio a muro e il suo sorriso crebbe quando vide che mancavano pochi minuti alla mezzanotte.

<Aah~> sospirò <finalmente dopo tre anni chiederò a Caesar di sposarmi!>

Ridacchiò felice e guardò l'anello con occhi pieni di tenero amore.

<Non vedo l'ora di vedere il mio bel Caesarino in abito da sp-SHIT! FU*K FU*K FU*K FU*K!!! TAVOLO INFAME, PROPRIO QUI DOVEVI STARE?! L'AVEVO DETTO A CAESAR DI NON COMPRARTI POR*O SCHIFO!!!>

Numerose imprecazioni seguirono la tragedia che è sbattere il mignolo del piede contro la gamba di un tavolo in metallo.

<...JoJo? Sei...stai bene?>

Joseph smise all'istante di saltellare, stringendosi il piede, completamente bloccato dalla voce proveniente dalla porta.

<JoJo?>

<Ah...C-Caesar! Sei...sveglio?>

Si udì un sospiro.

<No, sto dormendo. Certo che sono sveglio! Chiunque si sarebbe svegliato dopo averti sentito gridare in quel modo!>

<Ah...ecco...mi dispiace tanto! Puoi tornare a dormire adesso!>

Mentre parlava fece scattare la mano indietro, tastando il ripiano della cucina e appena sentì la forma della scatolina sotto le dita la afferrò, nascondendola nella tasca dei pantaloni del pigiama.

<Che stai facendo qui, al buio, nel cuore della notte?>

<Niente! Solo...ehm...>

Sentì un fruscio leggero davanti a lui, subito dopo un click e poi una luce abbagliante invase la stanza.

<Oow! Avvisa prima di tentare di accecarmi, per favore!> esclamò Joseph schermandosi gli occhi con le mani.

Caesar lo ignorò e avanzò verso di lui, fissando il barattolo dietro la sua schiena.

<Ti sei alzato senza svegliarmi come fai di solito solo per mangiare del...burro d'arachidi a mezzanotte passata?> sentenziò.

<Ehm...sì?>

Il biondo lo guardò alzando un sopracciglio e incrociando le braccia al petto.

<Hmm...farò finta di crederci visto che è tardi. Vedi di tornare a letto in fretta e non prendertela più col tavolo per la tua goffaggine!> disse dando un colpetto sulla superficie del mobile assassino.

Joseph era sicuro di non aver mai odiato un tavolo con tanta intensità prima di allora.

Quando sentì Caesar salire le scale, tirò fuori la scatolina dalla tasca e la rimise al suo posto con un sospiro di sollievo.

Scoccò un'ultima occhiata all'orologio che ormai segnava l'una meno venti e, sorridendo come un bambino reduce da una notte di Halloween fruttuosa, corse in camera da letto, saltando addosso al fidanzato e guadagnandosi un'affettuosa sgridata.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Joseph sentì il profumo di carne e verdure ancora prima di arrivare in cucina, dove Caesar stava sicuramente dando sfoggio delle sue affinate abilità culinarie.

Era tradizione, ormai, che il biondo cucinasse la sera di San Valentino (non che non preparasse anche il resto dei pasti, ma Joseph stava lentamente migliorando ai fornelli ed era finalmente in grado di prepararsi piatti semplici senza far scoppiare un incendio).

Un brivido percorse la schiena del moro al ricordo della loro cucina completamente carbonizzata e, soprattutto, delle notti passate a dormire sul balcone senza neanche un sacco a pelo o un cuscino.

Caesar sapeva essere davvero crudele quando voleva...

Stava giusto appendendo il giubbotto all'appendiabiti quando la testa del biondo fece capolino dalla cucina.

Appena quello lo vide fu pervaso dal sollievo.

Sorrise...per un brevissimo istante, poi sul suo volto nacque un cipiglio minaccioso.

<JoJo! Era ora! L'ultima volta che ho controllato la panetteria non era così lontana da giustificare un ritardo di QUATTRO ORE>

Le braccia incrociate al petto e le sopracciglia aggrottate potevano fare pensare fosse infastidito dal suo comportamento, ma Joseph sapeva che quando lo rimproverava senza guardarlo negli occhi significava che era solo preoccupato.

Avanzò sorridendo, posò una mano sulla testa dell'altro arruffandogli i capelli e si chinò quel poco che bastava per dargli un piccolo e morbido bacio sulla guancia.

<Aaww~ Il mio Caesarino era preoccupato per me~> canticchiò.

Il biondo reagì all'istante con una gomitata nelle costole che fece sibilare Joseph per il dolore.

Caesar distolse lo sguardo, consapevole del rossore sulle sue guance.

<No che non lo ero! Assolutamente! Grosso come sei nessuno avrebbe il coraggio di avvicinarsi a te, figuriamoci attaccarti! Ero solo...mi serviva il pane! È indispensabile per lo spezzati->

<Non serve>

<Uh?>

<Non serve che prepari niente. Perché il tuo fantastico fidanzato ha deciso che stasera andremo a mangiare fuori!>

<Eh? Cos->

<Non puoi rifiutarti, il ristorante è già prenotato, anzi, vai a cambiarti che sennò faremo tardi. Su su, mi piacerebbe vederti con la camicia azzurra a triangolini~>

<E-ehi...Jo-aspetta!>

Le proteste di Caesar furono inutili: infatti, in tempo tre secondi, fu gettato nella loro stanza e ricevette anche una porta sul naso nel tentativo di afferrare il braccio di Joseph.

Seguì uno splendido sproloquio di fantasiose bestemmie.

<Ow...JoJo, giuro che appena esco da qui ti strangolo con le mie mani!> tuonò minaccioso mentre si infilava controvoglia la camicia azzurra in questione, cercando di non macchiarla con il sangue fuoriuscito dal naso.

<Aaww~ Dai, non c'è bisogno di mascherare così i tuoi veri sentimenti, lo so che quando mi minacci di morte vuol dire che mi ami~~> rispose il moro dall'altra parte della porta.

<Hai voglia! Guarda, ti amo così tanto in questo momento che il mio naso perde sangue per l'emozione!>

<Hahaha, ma se è stata la por->

<Per il tuo bene farai meglio a non finire la frase, aprire all'istante la porta, dirmi cosa stai architettando e, soprattutto, se c'è il rischio che vada a fuoco qualcosa. Sai, chiedo solo perché ho trovato un angolino in giardino che potrebbe essere più comodo del balcone per le lunghe permanenze>

Il biondo poté quasi sentire l'altro piangere dopo quelle sue parole.

<Caesarino...sai essere così crudele quando ti impegni...>

Joseph aprì la porta e sorrise quando vide che nonostante tutto Caesar aveva messo la camicia che gli aveva regalato dopo sei mesi di fidanzamento.

Io biondo arrossì quando capì a cosa stava pensando quell'adorabile testa vuota del suo ragazzo.

<Bene!> esclamò poi il moro <Al ristorante!>

Afferrò la mano dell'altro, prese al volo sciarpa e cappotto e si chiuse la porta alle spalle, tirandosi dietro un italiano confuso e accigliato.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Ci sono quei momenti nella vita dove la disperazione è tale da farti pensare al peggio (come per esempio farti credere che l'anello con cui hai intenzione di chiedere all'amore della tua vita di sposarti stia per cadere in un lavandino) e poi, quando per una qualche fortuita coincidenza la disgrazia non accade, tutto ciò che rimane è un immenso e piacevole senso di sollievo.

Ecco cosa provava Joseph guardando il piccolo cerchietto d'argento in bilico tra l'interno smaltato e il tubo di scarico del lavabo nel bagno del ristorante dov'era arrivato appena venti minuti prima con Caesar.

<Ok, ok> disse fissando il gioiello mentre goccioline di sudore freddo gli bagnavano le tempie.

<Sono pronto! Sono nato pronto! Sono capace di non...ugh...combinare pasticci...sì...>

In realtà non ci credeva neanche lui.

In fondo, non era stato lui stesso a mettersi in quella complicata situazione?

<Aaarg! WHY AM I STUPID?! Ma dico io, quale persona normale tira fuori un anello di quel valore quando si lava le mani dopo aver usato il bagno?! IO! E perché io? PERCHÉ QUANDO DIO DISTRIBUIVA IL BUONSENSO IO ERO A COMBATTERE DEI AZTECHI IN GONNELLA!>

Si agitò per un po', andando avanti e indietro nel piccolo bagno.

Poi si fermò, fece un profondo respiro, si sporse sul lavabo e allungò esitante la mano.

Lo toccò...

...

...e ovviamente lo fece cadere.

<OH NOOOO! L-l'anello! Aiuto!>

Si gettò in avanti, ma era troppo tardi: il piccolo e prezioso gioiello si scontrò, tintinnando, contro il fondo della parte curva del tubo che si ripiegava al di sotto del lavabo.

Purtroppo o per fortuna la reazione fu immediata: si abbassò, cinse il condotto di metallo con le mani e, in un colpo solo, lo sradicò dalla parete.

L'anello volò all'indietro e Joseph non poté gioirne perché si ritrovò a fissare ciò che stringeva tra le mani: ovvero la prova di un atto vandalico immotivato contro il bagno di uno dei ristoranti migliori di Venezia.

Guardò il tubo per un po', incerto se inveire in inglese o bestemmiare in italiano.

Alla fine si alzò, si pulì lentamente il vestito dalla polvere, rimise il gioiello nella scatolina, riposizionò il tubo al suo posto, abbandonandolo in uno stato di estrema precarietà, e, con passo sicuro, uscì dal bagno diretto verso la grande sala sul retro.

Quando si sedette al tavolo, il suo risotto ai funghi era praticamente ghiaccio nel piatto, mentre il secondo di Caesar era già lì: fegato di vitello tagliato in listarelle con cipolle bianche, rigorosamente di Chioggia, non tritate, ma tagliate a metà e affettate sottilmente.

Il biondo alzò gli occhi su di lui e aggrottò le sopracciglia sembrando infastidito.

<Finalmente, sei in bagno da più di dieci minuti! Stavo cominciando a pensare che fossi annegato nel gabinetto o qualcosa del genere>

<Ehi!> si lamentò Joseph sedendosi <Neanche io riuscirei a fare una cosa simile!>

<Mmh, tu dici? Francamente, io non ne sarei così sicuro> rispose e si portò alle labbra un altro boccone di carne.

<Noto sempre una certa sfiducia nei miei confronti, eh? Non credi che possa essere serio anch'io ogni tanto?>

<Oh no, ti prego. Se lo fossi la mia vita diventerebbe terribilmente noiosa>

Il cuore di Joseph accelerò improvvisamente e un piacevole calore gli riempì il petto.

Rise di cuore, sorridendo felice.

<Bene, allora scommettiamo!> esclamò abbandonando definitivamente la forchetta nel piatto praticamente intonso.

Caesar alzò lo sguardo incuriosito.

<Una scommessa?>

<Esattamente! Scommetto che riuscirò a riunire tutte le possibilità che ho di sorprenderti in un'unica volta!>

L'italiano sembrava alquanto perplesso.

Anche il fegato di vitello finì per passare in secondo piano.

<Cioè, tu ti staresti giocando le sorprese di tutta una vita...adesso?>

Il moro annuì deciso.

Caesar ridacchiò sembrando scettico e allungò la mano per stringere quella del fidanzato.

Nei suoi occhi brillava quella vivida ed eccitante curiosità che solo il suo JoJo riusciva a trasmettergli.

<Va bene> disse con un ghigno <Ci sto>

<Nice, nice, very nice Caesarino~> esultò l'altro.

Fece per dare un bacio sulla guancia al biondo, ma fu fermato da una mano che gli venne posata sulla bocca.

<Ma...> iniziò quello <...devi farlo qui, adesso. Devi soprendermi ora e in questo ristorante, a questo tavolo. In palio ci sono tre decisioni che possiamo prendere noi per l'altro e che non possiamo contestare o cambiare in un secondo momento>

Un'idea balenò nella mente opportunista di Joseph che, di fatto, accettò subito.

<Affare fatto! Mi piaci quando sei così proprositivo, Caesarino~>

<Invece che chiamarmi con nomignoli stupidi, vedi di sbrigarti e fare la tua mossa> biascicò quello imbarazzato, tonando a masticare un pezzo di carne fredda.

Joseph emise un verso di approvazione.

Si sporse di lato, fece un cenno con la mano e subito si materializzò accanto a loro un gruppo di uomini attempati, armati di flauti e violini.

Caesar sussultò, guardandoli sbigottito mentre intonavano le prime note della sua composizione preferita di Giuseppe Verdi.

<Cos-...da dove vengono questi tizi?>

<Caesar Antonio Zeppeli>

Joseph pronunciò il suo nome con una serietà tale da far cadere la forchetta dalla mano del biondo che si limitò a guardare l'altro in silenzio.

<Come dire...non sono bravo con i discorsi importanti, ma cercherò di impegnarmi per te. Quando ti ho incontrato quattro anni fa a Roma non avrei mai pensato che avresti potuto piacermi, soprattutto così, in modo...romantico, ecco. In realtà non ti sopportavo proprio, ho pensato fossi un playboy snob e altezzoso e, insomma, ormai stiamo insieme da un po' e non metterei mai in dubbio il tuo amore per me, ma dannazione! Avresti potuto dirmi prima che che non ti interessavano solo le donne! Mi sarei risparmiato di indebitarmi con Lisa Lisa per saperlo! Quella strega mi ha fatto fare il lacchè gratis per un mese... Comunque ora sto divagando, non è questo il punto. Quello che volevo dire è che...sinceramente all'inizio non ci speravo, credevo di non essere abbastanza per te...e invece eccoti qui, ad ascoltare la mia lunghissima e terribile proposta di matrimonio. Allora, che ne dici, Caesarino? Ti va di passare il resto della tua vita col qui presente Joseph Joestar che molto probabilmente ti causerà un guaio dopo un altro, potendoti risarcire solo con coccole e un amore incondizionato?>

Aprì la scatolina contenente il gioiello con un sorriso enorme sul volto.

Davanti a lui, Caesar era rosso in viso, profondamente sorpreso e in evidente difficoltà nel formulare una frase sensata.

Uno degli anziani violinisti tossicchiò un pochino e si sporse verso Caesar, sussurrandogli discretamente nell'orecchio.

<Ragazzo, non me ne intendo di queste cose perché non mi sono mai sposato, ma credo proprio che questo sia il momento in cui dovresti dire di sì>

Il biondo lo guardò al culmine dell'imbarazzo.

Poi si girò verso Joseph che lo stava fissando con uno sguardo a metà tra il preoccupato e lo speranzoso.

Sospirò debolmente e si coprì il viso rosso con le mani.

<C-certo che sì...stupido...che ti avrei tenuto a fare con me per tre anni per poi rifiutarti adesso?> borbottò in preda all'imbarazzo.

Joseph scattò, al settimo cielo.

Balzò in piedi e la sedia si rovesciò con un tonfo.

<CAESAR MI HA DETTO DI SIIIIÌ!!!>

In quel momento, proprio in quel momento, successe la tragedia.

Allargò d'improvviso le braccia, tenendo ancora tra le dita la scatolina aperta.

L'anello disegnò una perfetta parabola, schizzando via dal suo contenitore e atterrando proprio sulla rètina di un cameriere che stava esibendosi in una performance di grande maestria con una pietanza flambè.

Seguì un urlo di dolore, un suono sorpreso, un grido e poi il caos.

La padella portata da quel pover'uomo gli cadde dalle mani, mandando a fuoco la tovaglia, che diede fuoco alla giacca piena di fronzoli di un uomo, il quale scattò subito di lato, incendiando la tenda della finestra.

In pochi istanti, dunque, scoppiò un incendio.

Tutti inziarono a correre verso l'ingresso del ristorante gridando e tossendo.

Il personale si agitava nel panico più totale, una donna era svenuta per lo spavento e il marito, in evidente iperventilazione, la sosteneva minacciando di fare causa a tutti e tutto, il povero cameriere era ancora a terra tastandosi l'occhio e pregando di non averlo perso.

Insomma, peggio di così non sarebbe di certo potuta andare.

Ah no, c'era ancora quel piccolo dettaglio trascurabile del fiume d'acqua proveniente dal bagno, dove il tubo di metallo sdradicato da Joseph era schizzato via al primo lavaggio di mani, colpendo il povero disgraziato in questione proprio in quel punto innominabile poco sotto il pube.

Caesar si guardò intorno allibito.

Aveva davvero appena acconsentito a sposare un uomo che nel giro di pochi secondi aveva distrutto un ristorante?

Il sistema antincendio si attivò e quando cominciò a piovere al coperto, Joseph afferrò la mano del biondo, recuperò l'anello da terra e, senza guardarsi dietro, iniziò a correre come un fulmine verso la porta.

<Scappiamo, Caesar!>

<JoJo! Ma che hai combinato lì dentro?!?!>

Joseph rise.

<Non ne ho idea!>

Continuarono a correre anche una volta fuori, con i vestiti che grondavano acqua.

Raggiunsero una piazza, grande e illuminata da bei lampioni con ghirigori floreali.

Il moro prese delicatamente la mano dell'altro e infilò l'anello all'anulare, sorridendo come un bambino.

Caesar sospirò, sorrise e, sporgendosi in avanti, gli cinse il viso con le mani, baciandolo dolcemente.

<Hai vinto la scommessa, idiota> sussurrò ridacchiando.

<Mh mh, non avevo dubbi in merito>

Sorrise e cinse le spalle del biondo con un braccio, poi poggiò la tempia contro la sua.

<Preparati per indossare un abito da sposa tra tre mesi e, mi raccomando, voglio i fiocchetti>

Caesar si girò, ma ogni protesta gli morì in gola davanti al sorriso gentile del suo futuro marito.

Sospirò e tornò a guardare il cielo stellato oltre i bassi condomini.

<Come vuoi, JoJo>

[valoisfulcanelli]

OOH!!! I would LOVE to see something of your characters when they were young

Here you go, nonny: an AU story of Gunther and Valois meeting as teens at school. Thank you so much for the prompt! :)

The Form of Stories

The noise of the corridor outside abated with the closing of the door behind him, and Gunther leaned against the wood, closing his eyes with a sigh of relief. Thank god for the library: the one peaceful sanctuary he had in this hateful school. Here silence reigned amid the smell of oft-thumbed pages and warmed paint from the ageing radiators that heated the room on winter days like today.

It had been a day of one too many here comes Gothy-Goth taunts. Or--given the vernacular of the kids around here--here comes Goffy-Goff. He hated that fucking nickname. So what if he always wore black? He LIKED it. And so what if he didn't join in with all the inane stupidity of his classmates? He HATED it.

He pushed himself away from the door with another sigh. At least now--right after lunch--it would be quiet in here. He always bunked off Physics lessons, and the teacher had pretty much accepted it by now. He guessed Mr Pruett would prefer to let him fail Physics than have to look at the sullen boy sulking at the back of the class for two hours every Tuesday and Thursday after lunch. That was enough to give anyone dyspepsia.

Yeah, so what if he called it that instead of 'indigestion'? He read the Classics because they were pretty cool. In fact, he was planning on whiling away the next two hours comfortably ensconced in his favourite chair, walled-in and sheltered by bookshelves, with the Patrick O’Brian book he'd started reading on Tuesday's skiving session.

He rounded the corner and stopped.

"Oh."

Shit. Someone was in his chair, staring up at him with the same rabbit-in-headlights look that he probably had on his own face. A boy with bright red hair that looked kinda neat and skin that was so pale Gunther was a bit jealous of it.

"Hello," the boy said, and at that word Gunther realised who he was: That Foreign Kid, sometimes known (behind his back, of course) as Froggy, presumably because he was French.

Gunther ducked his head. He ought to say something back, but there was his damned shyness again. Instead, he just offered a faint nod of recognition.

Oh god, the kid was closing the book he'd been reading and getting to his feet! For a panicked moment, Gunther considered which was the lesser of two evils: the noisy corridor and the incessant teasing, or having to talk to a complete stranger.

"I think," the other boy said carefully, as if he were trying to iron out the heaviness of his accent, "that I... sit..? No... I sat in your chair. I will move for you?" He pointed to the chair beside Gunther's favourite one.

Gunther bit his lower lip, then nodded again, one arm unconsciously crossing his body so he could clasp his elbow as the boy moved to the other chair. But he didn't sit down.

"My name is Valois," the boy said, with a faint and hopeful smile.

Oh well shit. There was no answering that with just a nod. That would be rude.

"Gunther," Gunther mumbled, barely able to look up.

"Gunther?" Valois echoed. "You are from Old Country?"

Gunther nodded again. Then, because Valois was persistent as hell, he felt he ought to elaborate a bit, because he wasn't from the Old Country, but: "My parents were. I was born here."

"Ah. I see." Valois smiled again, but it was still hesitant. "I am French. A... Froggy, I think I am called?"

"No!" Gunther blurted, raising his head. "You're not that. Don't listen to them when they call you that! It's not nice. I'd never call you that."

The hesitant smile suddenly blossomed into a broad and genuine one, and Gunther was stunned at just how beautiful Valois was at that moment. It made him feel all kinds of awkward and embarrassed at his own outburst.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Non," Valois said, reverting briefly to his own tongue. "Ne t'excuse pas. I mean, do not apologise. You were so... hm... different then. J'ai vu la passion. Feu dans tes yeux!"

Gunther blinked. Passion? What? Fiery eyes? HIM?!

Valois giggled, and it was the funniest sound: soft and kinda sweet, and it pulled Gunther in. His lips twitched, but he forced them straight again, opening his mouth to say something... and finding that all his words had clearly decided to have an afternoon nap.

Valois stepped forward and held out the book he'd been reading. It was Thackeray's Vanity Fair. "I try to read the English, to improve my..." He waved a hand, clearly lost for the word he wanted.

"Vocabulary?" Gunther offered.

"Yes!" Valois's eyes lit up, and once again Gunther found himself entranced. Valois tried out the word a couple of times, getting his tongue around it: "Vo-cab-i-- No. Vo-cab-u-lary. That is a good word. I want to improve my vocabulary."

"Vanity Fair is kinda ambitious for that," Gunther said, finally cracking something approaching a smile himself. "A lot of the words used in the book aren't in common parlance anymore."

"But there!" Valois chuckled again. "You use a word from Old French, which is my language. I want to learn all the words--the old ones, too-- in your language. I find it--" He patted the book, as if it inspired him. "--charming."

And with that beautiful smile again, Gunther realised that he found Valois... charming, too.

"Will you sit with me?" Valois was asking. "I think we both like to read. The library is a kind place to me. To you, also?"

Gunther nodded. "It's my escape, alongside all the books in it."

Valois gestured to the chair he had vacated. "If history were taught in the form of stories," he said, "it would never be forgotten."

Gunther stared at him as he sat down. Where the hell had that erudite bit of English come from?

Valois grinned. "Rudyard Kipling," was all he said, as he sat down in the other chair and opened his book again.

[ilquadernodelgiallo]

E risentì viva come allora quella vergogna che aveva provato per suo padre, al vedere i ragazzi che gli saltavano intorno e gli buttavano addosso i petali di rosa calpestati dalla processione, chiamandolo: "Scarassa". Quella vergogna l'aveva accompagnato per tutta la vita, l'aveva riempito di paura a ogni sguardo, a ogni riso. Ed era tutto colpa di suo padre; cosa aveva ereditato da suo padre più che miseria, stupidità, goffaggine della persona allampanata? Egli odiava suo padre, ora lo  comprendeva, per quella vergogna fattagli provare da ragazzo, per tutta la vergogna, la miseria della sua vita. E gli venne paura in quel momento che i suoi figli si sarebbero vergognati di lui come lui del padre, che un giorno l'avrebbero guardato con l'odio che era in quel momento nei suoi occhi. [Di padre in figlio] ________________ Nostro padre si muove dappertutto con quella sua festosità senza cerimonie, di non voler che gli cambino il piatto alla pietanza, e quando gira a caccia tutti lo invitano, e alla sera vengono da lui a dirimere le liti. Noi no, noi figli. Mio fratello forse ancora, per quella sua aria di complicità taciturna, può accattivarsi qualche confidenza ruvida; ma io so quant'è difficile parlarsi tra esseri umani e a ogni momento sento le distanze tra le classi e le civiltà aprirsi sotto di me come voragini. [...] - ah, ecco qui il nostro pastorello, - disse. - Hai fatto buon viaggio? - Il ragazzo non s'alzò e non rispose, alzò lo sguardo su mia madre, uno sguardo pieno di diffidenza e d'incomprensione. Io stavo dalla sua con tutta l'anima: disapprovavo quel tono di superiorità affettuosa di mia madre, quel "tu" padronale che gli dava; avesse parlato in dialetto come nostro padre, ancora! ma parlava italiano, un italiano freddo come un muro di marmo di fronte al povero pastore. [...] Pure io scoprivo che alle radici di quella pudica confidenza umana di mio fratello Marco, c'era il bisogno di riscuotere il consenso del prossimo di nostro padre insieme alla superiorità aristocratica di nostra madre. E pensavo che alleandosi con lui il pastore non sarebbe restato meno solo. [Pranzo con un pastore] _________________ Pure voi vorrete sapere se io non senta mai questa solitudine pesarmi, se io una sera, uno di quei tramonti lunghi, uno di quei primi tramonti lunghi di primavera non sia sceso, senz'un'idea precisa, verso le case del genere umano. Ci scesi, era un tramonto tiepido, verso quei loro muri che cintano gli orti, scavalcati dalle cime dei nespoli, ci scesi, e quel ridere di donne che sentii, quel chiamare un bambino lontano, ecco che io sono tornato, è stata l'ultima volta, quassù solo. Questo: a me come a voi prende ogni tanto paura di sbagliarmi. E allora, come voi, continuo. [La casa degli alveari] _________________ Ma ora i due fratelli avevano una cosa in comune, qualcosa era cambiato in loro, l'interesse a quella vita che facevano, la posta in gioco, non più qualcosa fuori di loro, ma nel fondo di loro, nel sangue. La lotta, l'odio per i fascisti non erano più come prima, per il maggiore una cosa imparata sui libri, ritrovata come per caso nella vita, per il minore una bravata, un girare per le mulattiere carico di bombe a spaventare le ragazze, erano ormai la stessa cosa del sangue, una cosa profonda in loro come il senso della madre, una cosa decisa una volta per tutte, che li avrebbe accompagnati per la vita. [...] Essi avrebbero portato da allora in poi quell'offesa nel fondo più bambino dell'anima, vendicandosi, continuando a vendicarsi anche quando madre e padre sarebbero tornati, offesi alle radici della vita, per tutta la vita.  [La stessa cosa del sangue] _________________ S'infiltrava in lui con la stanchezza dei nervi un gusto di lasciarsi andare alla deriva, verso la rovina o verso una sempre sperata miracolosa salvezza, una voglia di estati trascorse steso sull'arena a fior d'acqua, voglia lasciata in lui dalle sue troppe estati d'acqua e arena che l'avevano portato fin là, pigro e sprovveduto, a quella sua prima estate utile, che ora finiva. Ma il tempo erano una ragnatela di nervi tesi, un puzzle che si può comporre in mille figure, tutte senza senso. [...] E i due compagni compresero che qualunque fosse il loro destino da allora in poi, di sangue, d'urli, di sfinimento, pure avrebbero sentito il gusto sanguigno dell'essere vivi e del dividere il dolore come il pane, Un ruvido sapore di vita li avrebbe accompagnati da allora in poi, nei cunicoli urlanti di Marassi, nei baraccamenti desolati del Nord, fino al ritorno. [Attesa della morte in un albergo] _________________ Alt, si ritornava da capo: il male dei simboli, la via della pazzia. [...] Al piano di sopra stava la compagnia dei rastrellamenti, ovvero l'incoscienza. [...] Da ogni loro parola, da ogni loro gesto spirava l'incoscienza, un'incoscienza voluta, mantenuta a forza, costretta a regola di vita, per non pensare a quello che facevano. [...] La caserma lo incatenava nella geometria dei corridoi, delle scale, delle terrazze; anch'egli tra poco avrebbe pensato che finché il governo paga è meglio esser dalla parte del governo ed evitare fastidi alla famiglia, che nella "repubblica" si sta meglio che nel "regio" perché non c'è bisogno di star sull'attenti davanti agli ufficiali, si mangia a mensa e si possono vendere le coperte da casermaggio senza pagare l'addebito; anch'egli tra poco avrebbe riso alle battute oscene del tenente cogli occhiali, quando canzonava il mulattiere dalla faccia gialla. I partigiani svaporavano nella sua memoria come un mito, un ricordo di antiche età dell'uomo; titani generatori di nuove leggi, distanti da lui quanto la sera dalle caserme apparivano lontane le montagne, di là dai vetri rotti delle grandi finestre. Il muro che separava la caserma dalla campagna degradante a terrazze era il confine, di due categorie dell'anima. La palizzata che il colonnello faceva alzare per prevenire gli assalti dei ribelli era un muro di ferro che si alzava nella sua coscienza. [Angoscia in caserma] ________________ Non c'era nulla che li facesse sentire in stato d'accusa quanto il fatto d'essere nudi. [...] La vita, pensò il nudo, era un inferno, con rari richiami d'antichi perduti paradisi. [Uno dei tre è ancora vivo] ________________ Da tempo il giudice Onofrio Clerici s'era accorto che la gente lo odiava e rumoreggiava nell'aula alla sentenza, e le vedove nelle testimonianze gridavano più contro a lui che alla gabbia; ma lui era sicuro del fatto suo, e anche lui odiava loro, questa gentetta logora, non buona a rispondere a tono nelle testimonianze, non buona a sedere rispettosa del pubblico, questa gentetta sempre carica di figli e debiti e d'idee storte: gli italiani. Da tempo il giudice Onofrio Clerici aveva capito chi sono gli italiani: donne sempre incinte con in braccio bambini con le croste, giovinotti dalle guance bluastre che se non c'è la guerra con buoni solo a fare i disoccupati e a vendere tabacco alle stazioni; vecchi con l'asma e l'ernia e mani tanto piene di calli da non saper reggere la penna per firmare il verbale: una razza di maicontenti, piagnucoloni e attaccabrighe, che a non tenerli a freno vorrebbero tutto per sé e s'installerebbero dappertutto trascinando i loro marmocchi crostosi e le loro ernie, e calpestando gusci di caldarroste sui pavimenti. [...] Poi la corte entrò per il processo. I processi che il giudice Onofrio Clerici presiedeva in quei tempi non erano i soliti processi contro quei quattro morti di fame che facevano i furti con scasso. Erano processi contro gente che aveva fatto arrestare e fucilare gli italiani nei tempi di una guerra che c'era stata, e il giudice Onofrio Clerici a sentire raccontare i loro casi c'era convinto che eran gente rispettabile, gente che seguiva le proprie idee, gente che ve ne sarebbe voluta ancora, per tenere a bada questi goffi italiani, sempre smunti e logori, sempre con la fame nelle ossa e nuovi piagnistei da tirar fuori. Ma il giudice Onofrio Clerici aveva in mano le leggi, le leggi fatte sempre da loro, da loro uomini con le gole di rana, anche quando sembravano fatte per conto di quei poveri diavoli italiani; sapeva che le leggi si possono rivoltare come si vogliono e far dire bianco al nero e nero al bianco. Così assolveva tutti e la folla dopo i processi restava nella piazza a scalmanarsi fino a tardi e donne in lutto piangevano con alte grida i loro uomini impiccati. [...] - Allora lui s'avvicinò ai nostri morti, - disse un vecchio testimone, barbuto e curvo, - io lo vidi: e si fermò davanti a loro; e proprio così fece ai nostri morti come io ho schifo di fare a lui: sputò. Il giudice Onofrio Clerici vedeva quei morti italiani già gialli, ombelichi lividi scoperti, sottane rialzate su gambe ossute, e sentiva la saliva salire pure alle sue labbra. Guardò le labbra dell'imputato, sporgenti e pallide: lo spuntare d'una perla di saliva sarebbe stato bellissimo in mezzo a quelle labbra, quasi se ne sentiva un segreto bisogno. Ecco, al ricordo, l'imputato schiudeva le labbra, ecco sopra i denti incisivi grossi e quadri una leggerissima schiuma, appariva; oh come il giudice Onofrio Clerici comprendeva lo schifo dell'imputato, quello schifo che l'aveva portato a sputare addosso ai morti. [Impiccagione di un giudice]

Italo Calvino, Ultimo viene il corvo