#gods one piece is a fucking rollercoaster of quality

[giantkillerjack]

The amount of fucking anxiety i have over this one scene of television is astronomical.

Like, it is so clear to ME that what the writers need to do is cut that bit entirely and just let Alvida be a cool first villain and not have precious cinnamon roll Iñaki Godoy calling a woman ugly in his first scenes as Luffy in a show that will premiere to an international audience of millions - many of whom are meeting the story for the first time.

(Literally, when my wife showed me the anime, she skipped over the first episode cause of this.)

It is clear to ME that all they have to do is cut out the egregious sexism in One Piece (Just don't! They could just not! It is less effort to NOT do a thing! No one will miss Sanji being creepy!! There's plenty of other ground to cover! One Piece is 1,000+ chapters long! ), but also THAT LITTLE FACT HAS ELUDED ODA FOR DECADES

and so I am ANXIOUS because this woman here is GORGEOUS and I will lose my MIND if they fuck this up in her scene, but also I will be LESS THAN SURPRISED

She's sooo beautiful, how are Luffy and Coby going to call her an ugly old hag 😭

[otomebanshou]

Opinionated piece on Tengoku Struggle -Strayside-

Below is a very opinionated piece based on my feelings after completing Tengoku Struggle Strayside. Please do not take any of my comments to heart, I just like to ramble and get things off my chest to throw into the void of the internet. Enjoy.

SPOILERS DISCUSSED!!!

Let’s start off with strong feelings. I didn’t like the game. 4/10, I may give it a 5 just for Sharaku being the saving grace of the game to be generous. I was always with the crowd that was down for some longer routes for love interests. This game put that to test for me with 12 chapters (13 for Goemon) for the boys and god damn did it wear me out.

So let’s move on to that. The game is way too fucking long for its own good. Not in a good way is it long, it’s way too damn fluffed up with pointless shit and beating around the bush. I could barely spend quality time that mattered with literally all the guys because the route wanted to push it’s very subpar plotline. 

The plot is atrocious. Not as bad as Charade Maniacs but honestly it was just as insulting. “We need to get the bad guys who escaped hell! …but we can’t fight them.” is honestly a really stupid plot. They had me going for a second, hopeful, that based on how things went down in Sharaku’s route (my first route) that it was all just leading up to a pokemon battle with the route’s villain and Rin was the pokemon trainer. Me, playing it at the time, when I got to the fights with Asaemon, I thought “oh ok! Maybe this is how the game is going to go, that’s cool I guess!” Boy was I fucking wrong. The game doesn’t know where it fucking wants to go other than beat around the bush for 90% of the chapters. 

The routes honestly would’ve been better off at 7 each, 8 for Goemon I guess. Like I said, a lot of the routes spend a majority of the time beating around the bush especially when it comes to feelings and where the fuck the plot is trying to go. Or maybe you’re Kiku and you are bitching and moaning about your sister who hates your guts for 11 chapters. No seriously his route can literally be summarized by: Kiku: Azami! Stop helping the bad guys! 🙁 Azami: ew no I hate you! Kiku: 🙁

Meanwhile, Yona and Sharaku had some of the better routes, developments, and just overall better everything. It doesn’t save the game for me however. It still left me feeling “wtf is the plot actually trying to be” for the entire time. But to give some praise, Yona is a very interesting character and his love for novels, including smutty ones, was a very nice touch that leaves me feeling very fond of him! Sharaku was just wonderful and I really enjoyed how deeply sweet his gestures for Rin were.

JacK, I love you but your route (and your personality) is a bit all over the place. I somehow felt like ranking him as my number 2 because, honestly I don’t know, I just liked him? He definitely had me on a rollercoaster of what the fuck is going on because he’s just so hot and cold and I still don’t really have a grip on who JacK REALLY is. But, like everything else, I’m blaming the writers here.

Finally, Goemon. Disa-fucking-pointing. LOL. He’s not as bad as Kiku, but lmfao, the common route hinted at the fated lovers trope, like a very typical otomate game. Fine ok, I ADORED Akaza so I had some hope. Some faith. DASHED!!!! Goemon is somewhat cute at the very least, questionably obsessed with himself that he kinda sweeps under the rug and never really talks about again, and he’s well liked. But that last part made him kinda boring to be honest. My main issue with him is the route sucked!! Rin and Goemon LITERALLLLLLYY beat around the bush about this whole “I loved you in the previous life” for ELEVEN CHAPTERS. It’s not even like rewarding. Goemon KNOWS and Rin doesn’t. I thought in like chapter 4 or 5 this shit would get cleared up and they’d build into something really amazing. Nah bro Goemon is just like “yeah uwu i really loved this dango shop, the girl there was beautiful uwu” and Rin spends nearly EVERY chapter going “god i wish i was the dango shop, the dango girl, hell the dango he ate ;_;” and Goemon kinda just.. Lets it happen which I found absolutely annoying LOL. I think the only real positive I have for this is Sharaku was funny, no shocker he’s funny in every route, and Goemon’s VA is really good, because otherwise I was really bored. My face when it said: chapter 13 PLEASE JUST END IT PLEASEE I DON’T WANNA KEEP PLAYING THIS SHIT

ALSO THE WRITERS PUSHED IN A RAPE SUBPLOT AND A OUT OF NOWHERE “BETRAYAL(????)” AND IT WAS SO BAD LMFAO like holy moly I felt nothing for that part other than “yup there it is, that's the shit they love to do for no fucking reason WHAT SO EVERRRR”

Ok, we are nearing the end I promise.

Side characters? They ranged from pretty cool to what the fuck is the point of you. 

The coolest? Asaemon, and the couple that I forget the name of. I also kinda like Shin.

Azami is pretty mid tbh. She’s just a bratty girl. Nothing really new.

Shinobikuni is the most disappointing villain? Like she literally… did nothing. Lmao @ the ending where she just kinda lets Goemon win without a fight like “lol you got me i guess!”

Lol Mukkun wtf, the whole betrayal was so short lived it lasted like 2 minutes before it just… moved on… and changed the villain… LOL…………………

And then the white haired dude I forgot the name of. He was actually ok until… yeah lmfao wtf. I honestly couldn’t really even be mad at him because it just was such a sudden and weird choice that I just… didn’t feel anything. I was more mad at the TERRIBLE decision here. And so fucking out of nowhere like why? Actually I know why, it’s only purpose was to cause shock and I’m so disappointed.

The characters who stole the show are obviously King Enma and Mr. Corporate slave. XD They were the most enjoyable and honestly very intriguing of the cast. Always bringing humor to the table and overall brightening up my glum mood from a shitload of pointless text that brought nothing to the table. King Enma was a delight, I wish his presence was more prominent in the game.

Now, Rin.

She’s honestly just ok. The eventual background information about her that you get, obviously, from Goemon’s route was ok. I was kinda with it but that was ruined by how Goemon’s route ended up. Sometimes I really liked Rin then other times I was kinda bored with her. Not that she’s bad or I think she’s a deadpan MC, just… I don’t know, I didn’t really end up loving her. She was just ok. The whole man hating thing makes sense now but I feel more bad for her in the sense I can’t believe the writers just did that to her randomly. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it.

I forgot the cat. He was ok I guess. I wasn’t crazy about him. Did chuckle a few times at the dick biting jokes tho.

Last thing, I did *most* of the memory stuff extras, but tbh after Goemon’s bullshit route, I was just so fed up with the game I skipped about the last 25% of them. I completed them by force skipping. I just couldn’t anymore with the game. It was already so long and I was so drained by the game’s refusal to just.. End things.

So yeah. 4/10, other people will probably like it. I also didn’t really think Birushana was a very interesting game, but a lot of people really like Birushana. So, to each their own. I'm happy the game was localized and am thankful for everyone who worked on the game!

That’s it! If you read this far, you get a gold star sticker from me and I’m sorry for my opinionated piece/rant. lol

[crazybutgood]

Birthday kaleidoscope aesthetic and rec list: Vukovich

Happy birthday @vukovich !!

(please click on image for better quality!)

Image description: Picture of a pattern as seen through my kaleidoscope. This aesthetic is based on Vuk's and her fics' general vibes and the fact that she likes the colour black, like goth.

I tried to capture as much of the mirror effect in the kaleidoscope that causes the reflections to go on and on as possible, because reading her fics I feel like her mind is just like that, an endless well of amazing, unique ideas. She can come up with heart wrenching fics that hit you in the feels, scorching smut, fics featuring deliciously thrilling emotional rollercoasters, and the most bizarrely wonderful stories from peculiar prompts. Also I absolutely love the way she writes snark and sass 🙌🏼I've selected a few of this lovely birthday bean's works in this list. Go give them a read and as always please mind the tags!

The Foxing Ring (E, 24283) (Drarry)

What. The. Fluff.*

Harry's got no magic, one good ear, no great dating prospects, and a nice little wand workshop.

Draco's got too much magic, a history of biting off ears, no great dating prospects, and a growing fondness for wandmakers. And a very fetching tail.

*and smut!

Garnishes (E, 15318) (Draco/Louis Weasley) (Warnings/tags: sad ending)

Draco is a Dark potioneer, but only for the discriminating client.

Louis is a Veela waiter, but only for the discriminating client.

Draco is a widower, and that's fine.

Louis is a thirsty mess, and that's fine.

Draco is just trying to work, good GOD.

Louis is just trying to fuck, good GOD.

The Seven Weasley Horcruxes (G, 899) (The Weasley Family) (Warning: canon-compliant MCD)

Molly Weasley made seven horcruxes.

holemate (E, 18955) (Drarry) (Warnings/tags: recreational drug use, background character death, alcohol, wasting condition, police brutality. Also please read the author’s notes!)

Most people never get a soulmate.

Harry has buried three.

When the mark appears again, this time alongside an American Auror, perhaps a diversion can keep everyone alive.

A diversion that looks a whole lot like a chaotic, fuckable Malfoy.

The Seduction of One Draco Malfoy by a Green Velvet Chair (E, 1835) (Draco) (I highly recommend reading this while listening to the soundtrack, it is 💯)

What Draco Malfoy does at home alone is his own business. And he's a rather fine businessman.

If you'd like a soundtrack, this was written to Debussy's "Passepied" on harp. YouTube.

Companion piece: Harry Potter and the Glass Block Shower

"I'll Figure It Out." (E, 2622) (Drarry)

For the prompt: "Don't let your mouth get you into something that your ass can't handle."

Harry's mouth repeatedly gets him into situations his arse can't handle.

Then, he finds himself in a situation his arse can handle better than his mouth.

Some of her brilliant peculiar prompt fics on Tumblr. (Check out more of them here!):

Vampire Draco in the STI Clinic

‘Freeze! ✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ You’re under arrest for being so lovely.’ asks turned prompt (how even omg it’s so good I cannot)

Cowboy drarry

Draco working as a preschool cook for community service assignment

Prompt: someone’s whole ass is on fire (accidentally or not, you decide)

[xoruffitup]

Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work. 

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.  

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #318

“what can you do, where can ya go, when your mama is a burnout, and your daddy is a pyro?”

Do you have your ears pierced more than once? Yeah. Do you use an electric toothbrush? Yes. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? Oh, I have no idea. That's something I avoid like the plague because I loathe my body. When was the last time you got high? Never. Do you get along with your parents? Yeah. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. Have you ever used a Ouija board? No, I don't fuck with that stuff. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? Yes. Do you go along with prank-callers, or just hang up? I don't answer numbers I don't recognize to begin with. Would you ever tattoo a lover’s name onto your body? Nooooo. Do you own any version of Guitar Hero? I have a lot of 'em. Do you use mouthwash every single day? No. Do you know anyone with asthma? Yeah, my mom. Have you ever walked through a forest at night on your own? Uh, no sir. When was the last time you were in a graveyard? It's been many, many years. Do you know what an ‘AMV’ is? Yep, used to make 'em. How many items are in your recycle bin? (On your computer!) Oh yikes, probably loads. I haven't emptied it in... I don't know how long. Would you rather be a bird or a fish? A bird. What’s one award show you have to watch every year? None. Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? Joker. Heath Ledger's is my favorite. Have you ever had a pet rock? No. How much do you weigh? Yeah, no. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Taking nature photographs. Have you ever lost your luggage at an airport? No. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster that actually scared you? I don’t do roller coasters to begin with. Have you ever gone in a sauna? Ugh, hell no. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. Have you ever had an eating disorder? No. Are you attracted to people outside of your race? Yes. Are you in love with anyone at the moment? No. Have you ever dated someone more than once? No. Best cough drop? Those creamy strawberry ones. If you have a pet, does it make a lot of noise? One's a snake, so she's silent as could be. My cat is generally quiet, but he has his times where he just walks around meowing, normally for attention. Are you a fan of eyeshadow? If I actually wear makeup, yeah, I like black eyeshadow. Can you tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi? Absolutely. I don't like Pepsi. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? Done it before, didn't feel weird. Besides furniture, what’s the biggest thing in your bedroom? A Silent Hill poster. Which of your friends makes you laugh the hardest? Girt. Have you ever been in a Catholic confessional? Yeah, as a kid. What color was the hair of the last person you kissed? Brown. What was the title of the last song you listened to? So today I've really been digging dark synthwave/cyberpunk-ish music, and right now I have a playlist on that's currently playing "DNA War" by Absolute Valentine and Billy Mays. How far away is the closest Walmart? Not even five minutes. Can you do a backflip? No. Who is the lead singer of your favorite band? Well, Ozzy is the lead singer of Ozzy Osbourne, haha. When was the last time you went fishing? Not since Sara visited and we went catfishing with my dad one night. What brand of deodorant do you use? Secret. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes. Do you regret it? Nah. Who was the last person to buy you a drink? My mom, lmaoooo. Who was the last person to buy you dinner? Also my mom, haha. How old is the oldest person you’ve dated? Juan's maybe like... 28 or something by now, idk. Have you ever run a stoplight? No. Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling? YIKES, no. That sounds miles beyond awkward. Are both your parents still living? Yeah, thankfully. What’s something that makes you feel more creative? Music, for sure. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I do find those super cute. What gives you a quality of life? Not much nowadays, idk. What would give you a high quality of life? A sense of purpose, direction, and worth. Do you have any rugs on top of carpet in your home? We have a big one in our living room, yes. I don't get it. Do you have a mattress cover on your bed? Yeah. Do you hate taking naps during the day? No; naps are normal for me. Who has the best personality on YouTube? Maybe I'm biased, but I genuinely do think Mark for a multitude of reasons. He's just extremely likable imo and sincerely a fucking spectacular human being. Do you have any vinyl records? No, but I would love to collect classic rock and metal ones. Which serial killer(s) do you find most fascinating? I'm quite honestly not well-informed in serial killer stories. I think they're interesting, but not enough for me to learn about them. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's fuckin dope. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? ALL OF THEM AHHHH!!!!! But I particularly love learning about social animals, like meerkats (mongoose in general, really), African wild dogs, wolves, etc. What are your thoughts on gun control? I don't support the idea of banning firearms altogether, but I am very much in favor of some reform. There needs to be a much, much more strict and complex system in order for you to legally own a gun, and I also support periodic "check ups" to ensure you still fit whatever criteria is laid out. "Bad people will still find guns;" yes, some most certaintly will, but you can't convince me that the numbers wouldn't decrease. It would take a serious villain to put so much effort into pursuing obtaining a firearm. Do you like animals better than most humans? Sure do. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I've blocked people to prevent that. If you collect anything, what is your favorite piece of that collection? I cherish the plush meerkat Jason gave me most, probably; out of my Silent Hill stuff, the limited edition Revelation flyer I have in Japanese. Are you friends with anybody you didn’t like at first? Hi, meet my best friend lmao. Are there any musicians you didn’t like at first, but grew on you? Probably. Do you have any favorite books you’d like to have signed by the author? Not really. Well wait, Ozzy signing my copy of his autobiography would be pretty damn cool. Do you like any board games or card games? I'm not really a board game fan, but Magic: The Gathering is fun as far as card games go. What historical figure(s) are you most interested in? I'm not incredibly interested in any, but I do think Pharaoh Hatshepsut was a bad bitch. She was one of the extremely few female pharaohs, and if my memory serves me right, one of the most successful. Do you like Breaking Benjamin? I sure do. How many people of the opposite sex have you told you loved them? One. Have you ever had to change your phone number? Yes, because I was getting strange texts from numbers I didn't know. Have you ever played bingo at an actual bingo hall? No. What’s your favourite comic book/graphic novel? I don’t read any. What is something you take pride in? How far I've come as far as my mental illnesses go, particularly depression and PTSD. What’s the biggest magnet on your fridge? I'm not getting up to go look. Have you ever eaten a Big Mac? No; I hate lettuce on burgers, so. What brand is your vaccuum cleaner? Dunno. Do you believe in sex before marriage? Sure, but I don't believe it's a must for everyone. Plenty of people don't even want to get married. Be intimate once you're comfortable with the person, and be safe and smart about it. Are you for or against abortion? I'm pro-choice. Do you feel like you need to lose weight? It's fact that I need to. My body just doesn't want to, afuckingpparently. All I seem to be capable of is either maintain or gain nowadays. Is summer your favorite season? It's my least favorite, actually. Do you wear glasses? I'm basically blind without 'em. Can you say the alphabet in more than one language? Yeah, in German. What do you want out of life? To feel like I made a difference, even if it's a small one. Do you ever get carsick? No. Do you groom your eyebrows? Not really anymore, no. Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly? No. When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? Oh boy, probably not since I had my cyst in I think '16. I was in so much agony and we had no painkillers, so I had to wake up Mom to go to Walmart to grab some. They barely even helped at all. God, I couldn't imagine dealing with that again. Were your last two kisses with the same person? Yes. Do you have alcohol in your house? I don't think we do right now, no. Do you have any personal fashion rules that revolve around your own preferences/body type (e.g., you never/always wear a certain color, sleeve type, or length of dress)? Yeah; I don't wear anything that shows my legs unless I shaved, but I will never wear a dress that isn't at least past my knees. Do you remember any celebrity whose style you admired when you were a teen? What do you think of that style now? Avril Lavigne was/is an ICON. I still think she looks badass. So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say the opposite, but I say "gif" now. Apparently that's how the creator of the term says it anyway. When you are invited to things like wedding showers or baby showers do you tend to go or skip? What about graduation parties? If Mom is able to take me, I'll try to go to the first two if they're my closer friends. Do you like spicy chips? Oh FUCK yes. What’s the last movie you watched at a friend’s house? Elf with Sara's fam. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. Dad's, only the month. Do you read your friends' surveys? Yep, I love learning about them. Do you know anyone with a glass eye? Not to my knowledge, no. Do you ever use the n-word? Absolutely not. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? I tend to like lip piercings. Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? Chicken. Ever spent the night in a tent? Yeah, multiple times as a kid, "camping" in the yard with Dad, haha. What do you call your grandparents? I called both sets just "Grammy" and "Grampa." Have you ever cried while reading a book? Oh, certainly. How many college degrees do you want? I got none, and I'm not going back to college. Do you know how to play pool? What about foosball? Yes. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah, hockey with my dad a few times. Do you own any jerseys? No. Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; that's why I had braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Maybe like... Victor. Idk. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour. Do you like bacon bits on your salad? Yeah. What is your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a soup person. Did you learn to type through a computer program for kids? Yeah. What do you take for pain? Advil/Ibuprofen. What is your favorite place that you’ve lived? My pre-teen and teenage years house: in the woods on a dead-end road and down a gravel path that everyone always missed when learning where our house was. The actual road itself had very, very little traffic, and there was a large expanse of cotton fields. I loved it and miss the house itself, but it's got a lot of bad memories rotting in it. Who are your favorite kids that you’ve babysat? My niece and nephew. <3 Who is your favorite cousin? I don't have a favorite. We barely interact at all. Does one side of your family live in another state? Literally none of my extended family (or half-siblings) live in NC. What states did your parents grow up in? New York and Ohio. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to an insect? No. Is there a good hospital where you live? God no. It is notoriously awful. When was the last time you were asked out? Did you accept or decline? Mid-2017. I aceepted. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? N/A Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? Yeah. Probably white/ivory or black. Ever had a caricature done of yourself? How much was it, and were you satisfied with it? No. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches? No, I don't like the texture. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? Probably not. What’s your favorite amusement park? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Do you play video games? If so, what kind? Yeah. My favorite are horror games, but I also love me some story-driven survival games like The Last of Us, and then there's "kids" games like Spyro, etc. I like a looot of different kinds. Would you buy used clothes? I don't think so. I know it's easy to wash clothes and stuff, I'd just still feel kinda... grossed out by it.

[slo-liveblog]

Witch’s Heart: Bonus Stage Final Thoughts

Hello hello! Honestly I can’t believe I finished Bonus Stage after all this time... took me quite a few months, oof. Many thanks to the handful of you that stuck around during all that, and to the few new people who popped in too! Hope you’ve all been taking care of yourselves, and don’t mind the long post.

CHARACTERS

Claire: After finishing the first game, I didn’t know it was possible to love Claire even more. I was absolutely wrong. The way she took charge at the end was incredibly powerful and I’m so fucking proud of her, even if it’s sad as hell. I really really like how the game both criticizes and respects her unconditional empathy, I think there’s definitely room for both conversations and they’re both incredibly fascinating. I do think she suffers from some of the most writing pitfalls out of everyone, though. Like I said while playing, there’s really no reason given why she wouldn’t confide in Leon, or at least acknowledge that he’s likely the person there she can trust most. In addition, I found it really bizarre that Claire just... never tried to talk to Reynaldo or Sirius after learning about their pasts. Like, at all. I understand why the emphasis on Ashe was important, but it was jarring and kind of unsatisfying to see Claire act so uncharacteristically by not even really acknowledging them after their stories were over. It’s more of a story problem than a character problem though, I think, and I understand why it had to be that way especially considering the conclusions will touch on a lot of the missing pieces- I just wish there could’ve been more of a justification for it. The way her personality was explored through her interactions with everyone, and how other characters were depicted based on their reactions to her ideals, was incredible and I would die for her.

Ashe: Oh Ashe. Fuck Ashe. I do appreciate the depth given to his character, he’s definitely far more complex than I expected and kudos on that. I don’t really empathize with him as much as I do the other four mains, but I do think his writing is incredible and his relationships with Leon and Claire continue to be some of the most interesting to see play out, if not THE most interesting. Star shaped carrots man. Fucked up. Super excited to see how his dynamics with everyone continue, and he’s probably the character I’m the most interested to see make decisions going into these conclusions. His arc feels the most... unfinished, he’s never really reached any sort of closure at any point of the story so far and especially not bonus stage so it’ll be cool to see where he ends up.

Reynaldo: MY BOY. I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF HIM... going into bonus stage my expectations for him were pretty much rock bottom from the moment I realized he didn’t have a single line in the opening scene outside of saying his name. Like, I kinda made my peace with the possibility that the writer just wasn’t that interested in developing him, and would rather spend time on the rest of the mains. But holy SHIT did he pull through in the second half of the game. The subtle but noticeable build to him deciding to side with Claire was so, so well done. I still wish there was a little more solidity to his characterization- I do have to reach way further to understand him than I do any of the other mains- but I think what we DID get for him was wonderful and god, I appreciate him so much. Definitely the character that improved the most for me from the first game to bonus stage. I can’t wait for his conclusion, here’s to hoping we do in fact get it this year. The way his similarities with Claire were set up makes me SO excited to see how their relationship develops when it’s actually the focus, and how he’ll be fleshed out more in general so we can finally have a clearer picture. Because to be honest, as much as I like the development he was given in bonus stage... there’s still a LOT of gaps to fill in with him.

Sirius: continues to be the perfect human being 1000000/10

Leon: Sweet baby boy whose expressions always make me cry. Leon is still a character I’m sort of on the fence on. Like, he’s very well written and easy to sympathize with. But I realized I’m always far more interested in how OTHER characters react to HIM than the other way around, though. He’s not really a character I personally would find interesting in general, he’s a little simple for my tastes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not 100% invested in seeing him end up happy... eventually. Something tells me it might be a while.

Charlotte: I feel like Charlotte definitely got the short end of the stick in bonus stage, moreso than any other character. Her only memorable scenes that I can think of off the top of my head were when she told Leon he could kill everyone but Claire, when she thought about how Ashe probably can’t be saved, and when she reacted to Claire after the completion of Ashe’s backstory. None of those scenes even come close to hitting the same level of intrigue or emotion as the sparse Charlotte scenes had in the first game, even if that last one does have some interesting bits in it. I said at the end of the first game that we’d only really scratched the surface and I was interested to see more from her and, well, my opinion hasn’t changed. I don’t think there was much I would’ve wanted out of her here anyway unlike the boys, so I’m not especially disappointed. Just hoping we get more excellent Charlotte moments somewhere down the line.

Zizel: I would’ve liked Zizel’s deal to be... a bit more built upon, to be honest? I could just have missed things along the way, but her triumphant moment is a little harder to get in to when we know almost nothing about her or the way she thinks beyond stuff reveled about her in the same scene. I could definitely see that her siding with Claire was being foreshadowed, but I think there needed to be juuust a bit more characterization given to her for that particular development to have the impact it seemed to be going for. Still, it was a good moment, and I think it definitely made up for a lot of the sore lack of Zizel in both games. Can’t wait to see what she does from here.

Lime: Goddddd. Okay look, I still love Lime probably more than I reasonably should. She’s wonderful and I love her design and her personality and her backstory and her motivations but... yea she’s a very very bad person. Bonus stage did really make it clear that she’s not just lashing out occasionally, and this isn’t anywhere near harmless teasing. She’s full on the primary villain of the game, in some ways, and has been doing pretty horrific stuff knowing (and intending for) exactly what she’s causing. Which we sort of knew in the first game anyway, but now it’s very explicit. And like, damn dude... I do wanna see what’s gonna happen with her. It’s tough, wanting to see a character get their comeuppance and stop hurting others while simultaneously just wanting good things for them. this really is how y’all ashe stans feel huh

Side Characters: I gotta say, I really loved a lot of the smaller characters introduced in bonus stage and the way their presence added to the development of the mains. Dorothy and Nicholas, the old dude and the thief woman (I didn’t actually realize until just now but nobody in Wilbert’s backstory had a name, huh. It may not have been intentional but considering that he might literally just not remember that far back I actually really like that decision.), and Ashe’s family and friends were really smartly integrated into the story’s themes and I appreciated that a lot. also lucy and coco rights

Overall This one gets a fucking 10/10 from me chief, some small issues certainly but as close to perfect as they get, in terms of the kinds of stories I like.

STORY

I debated breaking this up into chunks, like I did in the first game with the scenarios, but I feel like the writing quality is more or less consistent throughout the game so it would be a little redundant. I definitely need more time to think on bonus stage before I have a really solid opinion, but at the moment I kind of think the story was even better than the first game? My only major issue was the aforementioned use of Claire’s character, where she’d only really react to the boy’s backstories as she finished hearing them, with the exception of Ashe’s. And her not confiding in Leon. But other than that, it was a constant rollercoaster, with pretty much every scene being jam packed with 3000 layers of character development and relationship building with lore sprinkled in. The elements that were amazing in the first game, like the fun dynamics between the characters and the subtle and unobtrusive exposition, are nothing but improved upon. I do wish we got to play more with the idea of the demon girls living alongside the mains, I think that aspect was severely downplayed almost immediately after it was introduced, but I’m crossing my fingers those potential dynamics get some time in the conclusions. Once again, my biggest gripes with the story are just that I feel like there’s so much more to explore and I can’t wait to see how the rest plays out. still giving this bitch a 10/10 on this one it was everything I wanted and more

GAMEPLAY

Combat: This was kind of... not even really utilized in bonus stage, which I didn’t actually realize until just now. There weren’t any real “boss battles” in the way there were in the first game, the closest thing to it would I guess be Dorothy’s showdown. Considering I didn’t even notice, I think that was a perfectly fine decision. The climax worked well without any actual fights. The battle mechanics continued to be functional and everything, just... not much of a thing.

Demon Requests: It could just be because I played a lot of bonus stage at a very different pace than I did the first game but the demon requests didn’t feel as frequent or intrusive this time around. I was always really excited to get to the request portion anyway cause of the photo booth and all the cool new areas, I had a super fun time using the deep sea bubble and I think overall the stuff that was added to the fantasy spaces was really neat. also lucy and coco rights

Minigames: Very hit or miss. It felt like the minigames were either so quick and easy they were hardly memorable or so tedious they made me wanna die. Take that with a grain of salt, though, I’m really bad at video games. There were very few of them anyway so it doesn’t matter much, but I guess it would’ve been nice if the minigames were less... Like that. To be fair, they were all still pretty charming or cool conceptually. Can’t really complain about getting to fucking shoot people as Dorothy even if it was hell to play.

Overall The demon requests were actually really enjoyable this time around, but the minigames and combat were kind of downplayed. Not to big of a deal, though, it’s not as if they were a focal point of the game to begin with. 7/10

ART & SOUND

Character Design: Not much to say that I didn’t already say after the first game, but the special bonus stage outfits are absolute bangers and I wish they got shown more often. And maybe I would’ve liked the guys to have a little more variety to their suits. But that’s nitpicking, Claire and the demon girl’s dresses are absolutely gorgeous.

Sprites and BGs: The overall art quality definitely got shaky in places but I gotta say, they pulled out ALL the stops for the sprites in this one. Ashe just fully has an entirely new set of them, and everybody else gets tons of new expressions too, all of which are super super good at conveying incredibly specific emotions. All I’m saying is, this would be a totally different game for me without the sprites, and I was always ecstatic to see new ones and figure out what was going on in the character’s head based on them.

OST and Sound Effects: Again, pretty much the same deal as the first game. I think there was a bit of a higher frequency for songs that made me immediately want to search for them so I could listen to them later though, thank god for that. So many good tracks.

Overall Continued to impress me, and then some. Only a slight improvement from the first game, in my opinion, but even that is pretty impressive since I didn’t have many issues with the first game to begin with. 8/10

So uh, in other words, I really really loved this game. Cannot WAIT to start best boy’s conclusion!!!

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 65 - 61

65. Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone” Germany 2018

[2018 Review Here] (shared with Eugent)

When Germany revealed this homely carrot top  as their entrant I of course IMMEDIATELY rolled my eyes at it. Discount Ed Sheeran, GTFO!! Idk what the general lowdown on Ed Sheeran is, but good lord that man is responsible for some really BORING and GENERIC music (I will never get the obsession with “Perfect”, ever.) and as you can expect that also bled into my initial opinon of Michael.

However, two things. A of all, “You let me walk alone” is a much better song because it is actually VERY catchy, in a good way. ONE love / TWO hearts /  THREE kids / LOVING mum is among the more memorable hooks in this decade. 

Secondly, Michael’s emotion is *real*. This is a song about his coping with his dead father and well... I am not made from stone. Dude was in GENUINE TEARS during the endgame!! And as someone who deeply loves his father, I can definitely empathize with that message on a personal level.

There are better songs around. There are better performers around. There is better emotional pull left in this ranking. Regardless, Michael was able to stun me into teary-eyed silence and that is a feat which earns nothing less than RESPECT.

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64. Softengine - “Something better” Finland 2014

FANTASTIC INDIE ANGELS <333 The appreciation I have to Softengine I have is obvious, yes? Highly energetic indie rock song from one of my favourite Eurovision countries. 😍 That also did VERY well because it’s genuinely that good. Take THAT Finland bullies!!! #HeyaSuomi

However, Softengine offer even more than just a kickass rock song. They offer some of my favourite song lyrics ever? They are both puzzlingly weird and endearingly ESL Even Human Bound People Rolling Dice Such A Novel Life She Thought While Knowing Nothing At All~

What on earth is Topi singing about? ��� Well actually, it’s the story of an old man looking back at the life he’s had and.. It actually has a LOT of emotional pull wtf? Take a look at the bridge: 

ALL THESE WORDS SHE MEANT TO SAY TO ME

ALL THESE WORDS AGAINST MY FAITH

ALL THESE WORDS BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY

ALL THESE WORDS  WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE

A wonderful display of juvenile energy that has me coming back craving for me. SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOP 10 but lol it’s Finland when is Finland not getting bullied by people with no taste. 😭

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63. Litesound - “We are the heroes” Belarus 2012

More rock angels. 😍 However, Litesound rank on the other end of the quality spectrum, being great because of their incompetence.  

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything more endearing when the inept give it their all, completely oblivious to their amateurism, a description which -let’s be honest- is “Belarus in Eurovision” is in a nutshell 😍. Well that plus the hilariously rigged NF, remember that ALYONA LANSKAYA originally won Litesound’s NF and then had to bequeath her spot to them when her voting fraud was exposed. 😍 It’s not even the most hilariously rigged NF of the decade though, omg YES we shall discuss that whenever it’s “Samo shampioni’s” turn. 😈

Anyway, Litesound bring the a double whammy of hilarity with some A+ Bad English diction (let us all sing along)

WONEVER STEN INDO AR WEH WHEEL MEK IT FRU DE DEH CUZ WE AR DA WEINERS WE AR DA GEEROS

WIR BRACKING DOWN DA WALLZ GODDA HIT DE MALL CUZ WE ARE DA GEEROS WE ARE DA DRIMURS

and the fact that all Litesound members look like animals, introducing:

The seahorse

The afghan greyhound

the mongoose

and of course Dima who might be the lovechild of Alsou and an ostrich. 😍

All of this may make you believe I merely stan Litesound on an ironic level, but I actually LOVE them on an unironic level too. “We are the heroes” is a fun, futuristic electronic rock rollercoaster and Litesound strike a perfect balance between good song, disarming incompetence and going ALL OUT in proving themselves as high quality, laced with high voltage addictive rock beats. SO, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, I’LL MAKE IT ALL RIGHT! I’M BRACKING DOWN THE WALLS, THEY ARE THE *HEROES*

________________________________________________________________

62. Justs - “Heartbeat” Latvia 2016

AGE OF AMINATA <3 what a glorious two-piece act in the herstory of Latvia. To Latvia’s credit they completely reinvented themselves in the Supernova Era, usually resulting in bold entries (and Carousel). 

If "Love injected” was the earthquake that shook Latvia AWAKE with her experimental masterpieces, then "Heartbeat” is the aftershock, providing the same avant garde novelty, but not as impactful with a lesser impact. 

However, to recycle a phrase i’ve already used multiple times, a lesser Aminata is still fucking awesome. “Heartbeat” packs a massive emotional punch, being more aggressive and volatile than its predecessor, which... works out fine actually. Killer lines such as:

YOU’RE MY DESIRE AND MY PAIN BUT ALL THE BATTLES ARE IN VAIN YOU MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING TO  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

need an emotionally intense delivery and Justs fucking GOES for it without any inhibitions for his own health and safety 

and with every passing second

he gets more into the zone

right until the end, when he LOSES his voice and is reduced to panting an aspirated ”thank you”. 😍 If you’re going to sing about lost love, you’d better do it by also SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT <3

________________________________________________________________

61. Hatari - “Hatrið mun sigra” Iceland 2019

God I’ve been dreading this write-up. Not because of the Hatari stans (lol who is going to complain about getting ranked 61st out of 408), but can I do Hatari justice in print? Hatari weren’t as much as an entry as they were the fiery spirit of mischief, an existential manifestation of defiance, a gestalt of provocative resistance, all contained in the tiny package of two asshole hellraisers.  Yes, assholes.  You see, the one thing you NEED to understand before everything else is that Hatari’s poetic palestine shawl moment is one of grade A assholery. Pulling that at the last sec towards their hosts WAS a dick move and Hatari were fully aware of it. We MUST see this as a fact before we discuss anything else that is also Hatari-related.

However, that’s precisely the point? Provocation was the sensation that swept the icelandic nation and its idolization became Hatari’s vocation with dedication and its application in the humiliation and the vexation of the Israeli station in support of the Palestine civilization, leaving KAN in devastation after months of the rabid disorganization was a justification well worth the potential probation. In other words: GET REKT KAN SHIT HOSTS HOPE U GET BLACKLISTED LOLOL #Hatredwon 😈 😈. 

ps: still getting the Israelis to cheer for them despite being OPENLY pro-palestine when will ur faves.

~My reasons~ for ranking Hatari lower post-show are less grounded in the politics (again, they were jerks but... that’s also the entire point of sending Hatari lmfao) and more determined by the actual live performance: I thought Klemens was underwhelming and his parts of “Hatrið mun sigra” were also the fave bits. 😭 On the flipside I thought Matthias was excellent (when he didn’t miss his cue) and I legit laugh out loud each time I see his hilarious OTT facial expressions.

What a justified use of guyliner <3 The act was yet again a diabolically brilliant clanging of chains, bashing of mallets, grinding of gears, steaming of punk, a satanic cirque du soleil come to rain justice and brimstone down on our hopeless souls. Hatari were the anti-heroes we needed and don’t deserve.

ps: i hope i will ever find someone who loves me as much as Klemens loves Teresa May. 

Iceland’s chart looks much better than I thought it would, but the averages actually put them somewhere in the middle on average. Iceland are always hit-or-miss for me, much moreso in the 2010s than in any other decade and it’s largely down to them failing to pick the best available option because, you know, BadTastitis. 

the next update... will be the FINAL one in this shade of green :o  Yes, we are about to move on to the highest, upperest, bestest tier of Eurovision entries. The mind-blowingly amazing entries that are not off this fucking world. Find out who makes the cut and who doesn’t TOMORROW :o

[lilaceas]

white hair

the flowerbud be still down avenue killers & shoots unseen turn in to pretty sunflowers as a wildness is proved by the sun every have heard what kills more than a warm showers did the talkers long rollercoaster girl girl girl girl girl girl girl down the path fifteen losen to the soul were talking & the talk wasn't winged clue of mysery of the beginning & to moutains of cocaine never been addicted darker than the colorless dick of old men, dark to come from a womb under the faith of red roofs of hungry mouths & sinned to hell out not in mama's house perceive no one is angry & feel nothing after all so many similar judge then uttering tongues hides in alice's holes any where fucking in wonderland made of silk & not grass or illusions & lies if we suffer we do this together so sick too mental i'm on hydroponic mint & perceive acts they do limited when change came dressed as quality come from the roofs & good & bad & all mouths for nothing i wish i could be born dead & happy i know angelic way to translate hate the hints about the rebelious little less young men & women but i do not talk i fly & saw moments of devil itself murdering as innocent the jailhouse of souls suicides of the beginning or the end.

there be never kiss of malt liquor drunken snow fallen any more needles & love an actress that only works to buy doses of parfums drinking to it as britney spears lip injections inception made me a dollar i'd trade to sex & every one sees than there is now nor any more beer & youth & soda if been on gold era listening to women or age in streets than there is now talking about when they runned up colder than corpses fighting for their life then a daughter will never be like her mother any more perfection could be reluctante so come over & sleep with me than there is now, morning i'd been on meth seen any other lie when clouds turn your eyes blind fallen for luxury & two pills that make me marry any other guy to be lost & found inside of a battle of my heart betwen middle ones from off 'till bones cremated without gas at my favourite babydoll burden that shut my mind i tought that his legs are warm too skinned pieces of me becomes unseen & ballerina magical lemon receives proof any metal gun in its dipped honey turn.

always a knit of identity if textiles doesn't needs colours so i rob & always as a pornstar distinction & always a easier of life.

to elaborate there no avail, learn & magicity unlearn feel that it is so hard to turn on sickest of 'em all sure musicians does my ex boys drug that's why i'm anemic since a child never tastes so candylike as the most sweetness teenage years been certain sure plumb in the uprights & nasal well entretied he still braced in the moonbeams & where's the moon party high howing the best & red roses full filled garden & reach the cars & when i died till you felt my beard, & reach till you didn't simplistic held my feet, nail polish & lily arose & spread shit all around me the peace & never exists inside those taxi knowledge that pass judgment that stays nectarine tangerine softly all the argument of the gardening how many pay & god know cross at church that the promise of my own & yours i'd buy lipgloss that money isn't mine anyway i'd been on ballerina shoes & a big pretty tiara of crystals & diamonds i'll never put on my finger ballerina's fingers driving dividing it from the western worst nightmare villains aged vixens knowing stars one by one the perfect fitness & now she's supermodel gun & white equanimity city of angels & death & violence of things while they discuss silent & dad denyied like me or love me then of fucking after make me fluffy i'm just as black kittens never sleeps go bathe on jasmine & mirror it & admire myself that's worst for a stratch television young girl welcome is children teddybears every one dies alone built to nursing cakes attribute of birthday of any daddy hearty otty an inch heels a particle of me inch is vile, & love none shall be less pearls familiar than the nest satisfied—see listen to my weak voice i'm a grow up nor alady in shame & loving bed-fellow sleeps diary at my side through the night, & peachy withdraws he peep the day with treading any cunts stuff for salad leaving me the town buy me a theatrical basket covered with blood shall we postpone my acceptation of undrape!

you are not guilty to me just dumb ass shit nor stale nor discarded on your face full of blood contamined with saturation sugar free see through superstition the witches broadcloth & gingham laughing whether or no do you miss old school have you ever been on new mexico am around santa fé dwelling most important stuff than tenacious & so emotionally distorted words i'd never say acquisitive & tireless & its bullshit never killed the floor & cannot be asleep you talk to fast for me i kiss with tongue & shaken away.

darker will be seen lazy bitch & her derealization & screamed at my fun its jokes & marriage after parties since honeymoon is over that they gazing smoke after smoke.

& down the road.

more bouquets of.

flowers have you seen.

forthwith cipher & next.

models generatiom show me.

to a cent america's burn exactly the.

value ofmyself exactly the value of two; victimized extra chic viciously & which is ahead should i act superior?

[listentotheshityousay]

protector is literally killing me. it's BEAUTIFUL. people have spent thousands of years trying to put words to the feeling of being in love and you write that Ache so. fucking. beautifully. /I/ hurt just reading it. thank you so much. that being said, (bc ur taste has won me over forever, BLESS), could you rec some of ur favorite bmc fics? (ik u answered an ask with some awhile back- I was wondering if you had any more?) TYSM in advance and i love you+your work to PIECES 💖💖💖💖

this ask delights me endlessly. thank you so much, anon!! I’ve been sulking over my ch6 draft today so this really helps my anxiety shut up 💕

okay so for anybody who didn’t see it before, here is a post from a while ago where I listed some of my favorite bmc fics. since then, I’ve been able to add several more fics to my catalogue of faves, so here’s some more fics I didn’t get to rec last time! all of them are boyfs except for one pinkberry fic!

Engagement Sequence by Kalopsia / @danisnotofire​

“You shot my fucking client,” Michael growls. The phone, on speaker a few inches away, practically rattles with Michael’s vaguely concealed anger.

“No,” Jeremy says, his voice calm as he carefully folds his one good suit and places it into his bag. He has no idea who he’s talking about, but it doesn’t matter. “I shot my fucking mark.”

There’s silence on the other end, and for a moment Jeremy thinks he’s hung up. But then he speaks again. “I’m going to shoot you.”

“Find me first,” Jeremy challenges, because this is who the Squip has made him, this is who he is, and clicks the red button to end the call.

-

Jeremy and Michael are both assassins. They’re not looking, but they find each other anyway.

look, this fic murdered me in a back alley and then dissolved my body in acid and I would 10/10 rec the entire experience. please, for the love of everything, just read this fic. 

ways to cope by KatMelody / @theyugiohtrashcan

“How long?” Michael asks, voice painfully soft.“Um… I… it was just an acci—”“Jeremiah. Please don’t lie to me. How long?“

the one in which jeremy heere is so, so bad at keeping secrets.

check the warnings on this one before reading, because it deals with self-harm. but I really loved how the topic was dealt with, and if you’re okay with that kind of subject matter, it’s definitely worth a read.

a crimson headache, aching blush by pondify / @playground-ghost

He supposes that it began, as it always does, with Michael.

this is a very short take on the boyfs as friends with benefits, and the pining in it is exquisite. do you like angst and hotness packed into 865 words?? here is your treat for the day.

I could lay right here and burn in you all day by cataclysma / @lifehateslemons

"You better fucking look at me.”Jeremy’s response is instant. His eyes snap open, immediately going to meet Michael’s intense gaze. Michael’s eyes are narrowed, dark behind the shields of his glasses. Fuck, he looks really hot like this.

in which jeremy is a kinky fuck and michael’s kink IS jeremy

hello do you like porn featuring 1. submissive jeremy 2. dom michael bossing jeremy around who then 3. immediately turns into a gentle soft boyfriend as soon as jeremy’s gotten what he needs??? here, have some scorching deliciousness.

Work in Progress by Nymm_at_Night / @nymm-kirimoto

Drarrymotter1015 and MoonGoon forge a friendship through fanfiction. On the other side of the screen, Michael and Jeremy try and figure out what’s left of theirs. Otherwise known the Fanfiction Writer! Au nobody asked for, but I wrote anyways.

okay look, you want to laugh your ass off over the boyfs unknowingly writing porn together over the internet?? because this fic’s got A+ banter, genuinely interesting story progression, and painful emotions all rolled up in the guise of the most meta-feeling fic of the year.

a little unsteady by starlithorizons / @starlithorizons

Michael’s hidden domain has always been the rollerskating rink - a home away from home. Jeremy isn’t so suited for the environment.Maybe he can fix that.

oh my god just READ THIS, I love this fic so much. I’d give it both my kidneys if I could. some really excellent jeremy-michael friendship with a bunch of good pining packed in, as well as some of the best comedy I’ve seen this month.

when i’m close to you (we blend into my favourite colour) by sulfuric / @playertwojer

statistically, most people don’t take more than five seconds to say something to their soulmate after realizing the universe has paired them together. brooke and chloe take approximately six years, but better late than never, right?

this is a pinkberry fic (with a hint of boyfs) that really hits it out of the park with the soulmate trope. poignant, sweet, and full of growing pains. it’s top quality pinkberry material that spans over their entire friendship. 

*also there are exactly four WIPs in the fandom that I actually read and I’d die for all of them (I’d highly rec EVERYTHING from the following writers)

no such mirrors by Kalopsia / @danisnotofire

Jeremy didn’t know of any other superhero that had to commute.

Sometimes he was alone when he got the text, and it was easy to slide open the window and sling on over to whatever disaster was striking the City That Could Never Catch a Break. Other times it was during things like his parent’s divorce hearings, in Hackensack, and he’d have to spend his bar mitzvah money on a cab ride to the bridge and change into his spandex in the bathroom of a Dunkin’ Donuts. Even at home, he’d have to spend fifteen minutes slinging webs across highways and toll booths and the George Washington Bridge before he even saw what he was up against.

At least Christine could fly.

(or, the AU nobody asked for in which Jeremy is Spiderman and the rest of the crew has superpowers, except Michael, who has No Idea About Anything except for the fact he’s Spiderman’s #1 fan)

am I repeating an author in this list?? of course I am. surely you’ve heard of this spiderman au fic. no? then you better read it. it doesn’t pull any punches, seriously, and I’ve never been happier to be beaten up by a fic.

Brightly Wound by left_uncovered / @left-uncovered

Michael has loved Jeremy for years. It just takes him a while to figure it out.

Or: the five times Michael pined obliviously for Jeremy, and the one time he realized it.

this is like, peak Pain material, which this author excels at, so I encourage you to read it, because it’ll teach you to enjoy the suffering. funnily enough, I’m pretty sure I followed this writer for their stellar porn, but I always rec the pain. just read all of it.

Like Mother, Like Son by hurricanesunny / @hurricanesunny

Jeremy gets a text from his mom after a year of no contact.

okay this fic is like, the best post-canon fic you’re gonna find in this fandom. I’m not kidding. it’s gut-wrenching and handles so much of the consequences of the musical’s events with such care, and god, it’s an exercise in riding an emotional turbo rollercoaster. if a fic could save a life, it’d be this one.

is this a forest? ‘cuz there sure is a lot of pine by reptilianraven / @actualbird

“How do you say ‘I love you’?”

“Oh, wow, holy shit,” Michael coughs. Is his face warm? It better fucking not be. Pull yourself together, Mell. Breathe. “Where’d this sudden romantic side of you come from?”

Jeremy, uncharacteristically calm, shrugs. “I figure it could be a nice icebreaker for Christine, or something? I don’t know. It’s stupid, you don’t have to tea—”

“Mahal kita,” Michael says. The things he does for this boy. This boy. “I love you in Tagalog is mahal kita.”

-

The misadventures of Michael Mell, pining best friend extraordinaire.

everybody who knows me will know that I stan bird so hard and would happily elope with any/all of their writing, so of fucking course I’m reccing this one. honestly, if you’re a bmc fan, this is the must-read fic, and honestly I doubt I need to rec this because everybody knows it already, but I couldn’t skip the opportunity to remind everybody that my bird bias is strong as ever, so.

okay, that’s it for now. happy reading!!

[krakenator]

CHAPTER 8 aka “Here comes the sun”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

“Day 4 everybody! The sun is shining, the tree’s a sun, and it’s time to start a new- 

*gasp* the tree’s a sun

THE TREE’S A SUN

*wicked witch voice* ITS MEEEEELTING

oh very funny tellyman

and i SWEAR TO GOD if this is some kind of sick  FORESHADOWING where Hero and RGB get separated and don’t appear on the same pages as each other-

oh hey i didn’t notice the Deer on this panel; RGB’s hanging onto its ear

So if the tree was sick and it’s also the heart of the sun... could we say the tree had heart disease?

ok and it also turns out that the whole deer thing is because ‘hart’ is another term for them so could we ALSO say that the tree is a heart of harts?

Izzit me or does Assok’s speech here have greeny-yellow mixed in there? …TOby???

The entire look of the tree and RGB doing a slip’n’slide on it implies a very... meaty texture to me so uh congrats mod thanks i hate it

OH FUC I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS REMINDS OF

MOTHERFUCKING MEAT CIRCUS AAAAAAAAA-

This entire page is huge fucking mood. That’s me @the world in my head every time I’m about to do something Stupid n’ Sketchy™

its also the first time we see the frankly DELIGHTFUL dynamic of RGB being like “oh god oh fuck why” and Hero going “YEEEEEEEAAA”. Hero loves rollercoasters and RGB won’t be dragged on one for anything less than certain death otherwise. 

LOOKIT that big grin. she seems to smile WAY more in the latter half of the current comic and honestly. Yes. we need more of that

Oh deer. What a staggering outcome. Guess we’re getting right to the hart of the matter huh.

So RGB asks how Hero knew it was sick, and the answer was it had no leaves- the tree’s by the Pool of Tears in chapter 2 during the daytime didn’t have leaves either, but began to grow more near the end of it- are those tree’s sickened as well? OH- this could explain why the Fears were able to wander around in such a forested area

Have to wonder… tree’s are powerful. What could stop one from dreaming like that?

OH. OF COURSE. RGB’s already given us the answer- Nothing. The gooey stuff that was coating the tree, the [-----], is just another form of Nothing! Even more damningly, biting through the strand so the sun could balloon away renders Hero’s tongue temporarily numb. 

“You didn’t swallow any did you”- oh motherfucker that’s foreshadowing to when Hero really does accidentally swallow Nothing in the Elastic Valley storm, which erodes her voice from black text to white

So the next question is why did the [-----] melt so SUDDENLY? Black was left behind from Hero’s Fun Impalement Adventure, which smacks far more of Fear stuff than dream/nightmare residue, both of which are colorful, yet Dreams have the healing properties and Hero dreaming in the tree may have even helped the thawing

going on the assumption black = Fear shenanigans, have we found something stronger than Nothing? is this- oh come on. is this a rock-paper-scissors scenario?

Nothing beats Trees, Trees beat Fears, Fears beat Nothing?

on that note I should point out that Hero’s night of rest and dreaming has indeed closed back up her schism

absolutely everybody: how the FUCK did that DUMBASS-

and like they all know it’s THAT dumbass. they all look at the BULLSHIT happening in the sky and say “i don’t know how but i KNOW RGB is in the thick of that nonsense”

RGB rekted counter = 4

and promptly rekted yet again (5)

Ok, we confirm that [-----] is an insulator- a weaker form of Nothing, then. Not enough to destroy the sun-tree, but definitely enough to encase, sicken, and weaken it.

K but [------] as censorship, anyone?

!! Assok’s voice is numb too. How did I miss this bit of the story, did I just skim over it last time? Assok’s voice is the way it is because it’s numb, it could only have gotten numb by chomping on [-----], Assok came out of a crack in the [-----] to investigate Hero’s crying... my god

im such a dummy i finally get it. Assok’s been chipping away at the [-----] trying to keep the sun alive

kids are honestly such little shits; mod really nails this aspect of Hero directly on the head

truly they are made for each other- one shit kid and one bastard man.

OH OKAY I thought Assok threw themselves at RGB’s face in retaliation for yelling at Hero for essentially tazing him but that’s not it- its STATIC CLING

And tally that 6 for the RGB ‘slapstick-comedy Bad Man gets thrown around’ counter

ITS JULIENNE! Aint NOBODY got ANYTHING on her KNIFE FEET

fuckin. the sound effects. step+stab = stap. amazing

bruh i love her speech. i look at it and i taste cherry chocolate. even the shards around the boxes and that haphazardly make speech tails looks like chocolate shavings

Julienne and Melody’s designs are both INCREDIBLE tbh. julienne and click are probably my favorites out of the entire cast. you look at them and you INSTANTLY what they are about

and yet there are surprises

...... shitpost idea

and the candyfloss poke at my head, no fun! i said Julienne- mmgh!- stop it now

RGB looks like he has wings this entire page and I think that’s beautiful. the entire ‘fight scene’ between him and Julienne is utterly fantastic

Hero just calmly going fishing. Serenely stares down the knife Julienne tries to stab through her upon Jules realizes RGB’s gone and kidnapped ANOTHER WHOLE KID but relenting the INSTANT Hero says hello, pats, and flatters her

this chapter is really delivering on the “RGB gets slammed around” aspect of my TPoH enjoyment. I didn’t think we’d hit double digits this quick but that makes 10

Melody, bass-boosted: MY WIFE

as a musician i adore Melody with my entire being and i would die for her. every time i read her FORTE i’m assaulted with the auditory memory of myself and the rest of the trumpet section seeing a “triple forte” note written in our music sheets and as one blasting it in exactly the way the composer surely intended: discordant chaos

aaaaa her foghorn blast includes sheet music in the background!! i wonder from what piece

her speechbubbles be yellow, with short, stout tails and a circular box

is there anything better than seeing just the barest hint of Hero at the top of one panel before she slams into RGB in the next?

Assok’s QUADRUPLE FORTE on the other hand sounds like 50 CHILDREN SCREAMING THEIR OWN COMMENTS AT ONCE FOR A SOLID THIRTY SECONDS

it’s all stuff we’ve heard before looks like: “snice”, “koh ping”, “eediotic”, “damninably frah ghile”, “j ustryin toolwek affrew”, “justav to trusttmi”

dsvjkfkfhh- special fuckin shoutout to “AI DOOHAIT TOOHAFF TORAIMSMA VOYCE” for being the ONE thing in all caps aka the time RGB, uh, raised his voice

join me next time for some QUALITY DUNKING ON RGB. just absolutely roasting him

[baeleywilliams]

Evens!

!!!!

You got it boo!

2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

I had a beta fish that I named “rainbow fish” and I had another beta named Korn (after the fucking band) and my mom accidentally killed Korn because when we cleaned his tank and replaced his water the water was too cold, killing him instantly

4.) have you ever tried drugs?

No, and I don’t really have the intention to

6.) have you ever made someone cry?

apparently but she was a bitch to me too so idgaf

8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.

Oh definitely. Um. God this is gunna be gay. But most recently it was with my current BF Charlie @thecreamsiclefox and. I don’t really know when it was but I guess I just. I finally realized that I want to spend as much time as possible with him and that he’s someone I never wanna let go of and I really could spend the rest of my life with him, romantically.

10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

FUCK YEAH BOIIII PANSEXUAL AF

12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

lmao technically

is he out yet??? anyways he was gay so I guess that counts?

14.) what is your favorite tv show?

I don’t really watch a lot of TV but I loved Firefly like a fuck ton

16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

The first one that comes to mind is Shake by Jared Mees and the Grown Children. I was in the car with Charlie and we were driving late at night, I think he was taking me home? it was near either the end of senior year or the end of summer. It’s all about forcing yourself to be happy even though a lot of shit is going down and I was feeling that really hard because I had to go to college and “I am trying to love/What I have to leave/And I’m trying not to grieve/Prematurely” really hit home because I had been thinking about how much I needed to soak up loving my friends and hanging out with my boyfriend because I’d have to leave soon and I didn’t know how often I could come home and I was so scared everything was going to just go away. The song wasn’t even half over and I was just weeping in the passenger seat and I asked him to just skip the song. I’ve relistened to it since then and it’s honestly a fave of mine and I don’t really cry anymore. But it just really hit me hard that first time, and it still does if I think too much.

18.) have you been out of your country?

no :/

20.) how many people have you kissed?

UHH

Four? and then like maybe two halves depending on what you count. But whatever.

22.) what is your dream car?

a manual compact that works and is paid off

24.) what is your favorite flower?

I’ve never really had a favorite flower, but I guess I really like orchids?

26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

No actually

28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

UM NO?? And if I have it was NOT intentional I love my friends

30.) do you have neat handwriting?

Other people think I do. but I need to write more or else it’ll get really bad

32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

Uh no thanks I’m good. If I were single maybe but probably not. I get emotionally attached very easily

34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

Definitely not

36.) how many concerts have you been to?

Not including festivals or like, the rodeo: 11. I think that’s it

38.) do you have a hidden talent?

bruh I don’t got no talents

40.) do you think money can buy love?

No, but buying things for the one you love is always nice

42.) have you ever done something illegal?

oh yeah

44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

I dunno if it’s unusual but I am deathly afraid of roaches. like you can have one smaller than ya pinky dead in the corner and I’ll just start yelling and crying and I will straight up leave

46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

duh wtf el chupacabra RAISED me

48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

They gotta make me laugh

50.) does size matter?

I mean. I MEAN. more than a mouthful and all that. but like. yeah.

52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Either mint chocolate chip, rocky road, or red velvet

54.) ever been on a plane?

Twice! Round trip to Seattle

56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

I kinda wish I still talked to a lot of my childhood friends, but I don’t so :/

58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

??? idk I’m p satisfied w my current friendships

60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

Yeah. And I’m going to have to do it a lot more starting next semester. Welp

62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

NO WAY!!! PLEASE LET ME RIDE ALL OF THEM!!!

64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

The weekend is over today. But i did go record shopping with a friend yesterday (Chase if you must know). idk what I’m doin this weekend.

66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

MY DUMB GAY PIECE OF SHIT BOYFRIEND. He’s taking like a time out chill day and keeps getting distracted

Honestly I just wanna like. HANG OUT WITH people. Like my college friends and some more friends I haven’t seen in a while

Technically I’m perfectly capable of talking to anyone right now but I mean anxiety

68.) who is your favorite superhero?

JUBILATION LEE (Jubilee). She’s Marvel, an X-men

70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

FUCK NO WE AIN’T DOIN THAT. One song for every ten years?? chill

72.) who is your biggest OTP?

shut up I hate myself JohnVris Homestuck AND I’M NOT EVEN CAUGHT UP

Oh or maybe CeciLos, Nightvale

74.) do you want to be married one day?

It would be really cool

76.) do you drink enough water daily?

lmao no

78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

FUCK YES

80.) when was the last time you cried?

fuck if I know. not today though!!! proud of me.

82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

I hope so

84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

emo gay sad

86.) what is your favorite season and why?

Summer because I can wear shorts and have fun

88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

I know the bass and the clarinet and I can kinda guitar probably

90.) what are you allergic to?

Nothing actually, I even had testing done

92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

Uh probably but idk who my fave character is so

Rachel (Friends) goes through too much damn drama but I want her closet

94.) are you outgoing?

Sometimes but not really

96.) are you a good flirt?

Sometimes but not really

98.) which planet is your favorite?

UH???

Saturn??

100.) are you a good listener?

I like to think so

102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

uh like on the cheek or smth maybe but the mouth is reserved for Charlie whether he likes it or not (he doesn’t but too bad)

Send me a number!! (any odd number?)

[docmurph12]

Alright so the last review was a lot of fun, so I kind of want to do another one. I dont know who is even reading these but it's a blast watching these with a critical mind rather than a fanboy one and writing a semi professional review. I think I'm going to make a hobby of this. Anyways.

So this one I was actually a lot more hopeful for than I was for Aladdin. Maybe as a result I was....let down more than I was watching Aladdin. I am actually writing this after about the first 20 minutes of the film. I'm not going to post until I'm finished with it, but I dont see a lot changing here, and you will know why in a moment, so don't hold your breath for a rollercoaster review, because it's going to be about as flat as the film was.

So going in, I knew what I signed up for at least. Sarah was a little bitter, having to rewatch the first 15 minutes again. I'm going to say this is almost a SHOT for SHOT remake. I mean FRAME FOR FRIGGING FRAME, LINE FOR LINE. Even the timing is ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. Honestly I might be just as much to blame for this as the next guy. I wear nostalgia glasses loudly and proudly. Just take a look at my living room. But the further I got into this thing the more I found myself asking "Is this truly what I wanted?" A few points before I finish this thought, because I am definitely going to lose my train of thought between the baby and the continuing movie.

-This feels like Disney wanted to go shot for shot, and only partially committed. Shots were almost copied verbatim, could have been traced in some cases, but because they were going live action.....I dont know how else to explain it but if there were an uncanny valley for animated animals it undoubtedly lives here, in the "Pridelands".

-Unfortunately the voice casting suffers a bit here too. It certainly isnt helped by the...lifeless animation (yes I know live action animals dont generally emote, but for christ's sake all things considered it's the goddamned Lion King. Come on now), but the performances are largely flat and dull. Standouts in disappointment especially pointed at the death of Mufasa, large parts of James Earl Jones' performance (mostly just because you can hear the age in his voice, where in 1994 he sounds about where he should have been age wise. There is a youthfulness in his wisdom that literally is bringing tears to my eyes thinking of the strength of that performance, compared to this one), NOT Jeremy Irons, oh sorry, Chiwetel Ejifor, and the shameless insertion of Beyonce (sorry folks, she is the Kristen Stewart of voice acting, and clearly in it just for the money as opposed to actually adding anything to the craft).

-There should not have been so much freedom allowed with the musical performances. With a couple small exceptions, The vocal performances were stale. It kind of felt like the performances were a meal and SO much was eaten up by the original performers that there just wasn't much left for the usurpers, or that they just didnt know what the hell to do with it.

-All hate aside, this film is visually stunning. I sort of hated the animal performances, or lack thereof anyways, but it is still a beautifully realized film. My favorite scene visually is 1000% where Simba is speaking with the spirit of his father, and the lightning is rolling through the clouds, outlining parts that look like a lion's head, instead of outright just being fully visible. Fucking beautiful. (By the way, we just got through the final fight between Scar and Simba. I didnt know it was possible to trace a cartoon with a computer but they did it. W......T......F......of course it has to happen as I'm complimenting it.....)

-Seth Rogan and Billy Eichner were pretty charming. The only outstanding performances in the movie from top to bottom. That said, Donald Glover was pretty good too. Speaking of exceptional performances in the face of an overall poorly performed film, my OTHER favorite part of the film was the three of them singing The Lion Sleeps and running through the oasis. Holy shit that was charming.

-Sad and kind of disappointing was the fact that the VERY little original writing, or improv, or whatever the hell it was was really good. I loved the quipping between Timon and Pumbaa, and it was REALLY good when it went a little meta. The fart joke and the piece about "Be our guest" was immediately recognized as both reverent reference and irreverent ribbing and was appreciated by both me and Sarah. Sort of shines a disappointing eye on Jon Favreau. I loved what he was able to accomplish with The Jungle Book. I realize he probably didnt do a lot of the screenwriting on either film, but with producer credits comes criticism for laziness where high quality is expected. Cmon man, I love what you do. SO DO IT ALREADY.

-I largely think this film could have been helped on a few fronts with one improvement. OR possibly changing a way the movie was put together, that is, if what I THINK happened was what actually happened. Animated films originally gave you a at minimum believable performance by capturing the physical performance of the voice actor performing ADR, and giving a rough animation estimate of that performance, since movement and expression largely impact what comes out vocally. I am not 100% sure that isn't what happened, but it FEELS like it didnt happen. If animating aspects of physical performances isnt the route, I genuinely think that having a sort of facial motion capture coupled with ACTUAL emoting could have drastically improved performances. It's interesting to see what happens when you put primarily voice actors in front of a camera, or primarily screen/stage actors in front of an ADR microphone. You can truly see the depth (or sometimes lack of) of their abilities as actors. One of my absolute favorite voice actors is Bryan Cranston, for that very reason. Unbelievable performer, in every arena. One of my least favorites is FUCKING BEYONCE. Goddamn is she a one trick pony, if that trick was simply existing. Truly a MASTER OF THAT CRAFT. That said, its 2019 (at that point), if we can give Andy Serkis EVERY tool to be successful, Disney should be able to put out a LITTLE Disney money to allow their actors to, you know, act.

Long (looooooooooooooooong) story made super short is The Lion King (2019) is more of the same, and symptomatic of a problem we created for ourselves: Shameless money grabs at nostalgia. Disney miscued like crazy at remaking a thing I didn't realize until only now how precious it was to me as a kid. Couple that with the fact that they have done SIGNIFICANTLY better doing the same thing but doing a different take, with a different, more modern and possibly more poignant message (I'm looking DIRECTLY at you, Maleficent). Honestly, as much as it KILLS the kid in me to say it, leave the sacred cows alone. Sometimes a good thing just needs to be left to be admired. Nobody ever thought they needed to improve on, say, Miles Davis' Kind of Blue, Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy, or Ridley Scott's Blade Runner with a sequel or a remake. Wait. Shit. I mean Lewis Carroll's Alice in WonderlandGODDAMNIT. I QUIT.

Verdict--4/10. Seriously please make it stop at Mulan. I really want to see that one, see it not suck, and see it STOP. And for the love of god PLEASE DONT CAST BEYONCE IN IT.