#gods i love banter

[theskeletoninthegarden]

I crave so much to write a fic featuring a perfectly normal person living in Dracula's castle during the slaughter of Wallachia, and I'm honestly unsure why.

[lonelyoleander]

fenris bullying merrill is so funny to me cuz bro THIS is who you're beefing with?????? GET REAL

[infinityoftwo]

Dragon Age Banter 3/???

Fenris & Merrill

[vaguely-concerned]

emotional security is stored in the undramatic calm utterly certain and unbearably soft way alistair says 'my love?' when you switch to him once he's reached 'love' status

[amazinglyegg]

Nora: You remember the Cabots and that affair with Emogene we helped out with?

Danse: Uhm, no. You took Nick and left me at home staring into the middle distance. After what we've been through you didn't have to sideline me like that.

Nora: Okay we are NOT going to dig into this ancient history right now, Danse.

Danse: Was it a social anxiety thing? Did... did I smell? I mean you only took one of us at a time.

Hancock: Some sad violin music coming from somewhere...

Nora: Can we not do this right now?

[stealingpotatoes]

Just want to let you know your AUs and art live rent free in my head.

Also, I know you have joked about Luke being afraid of merrin before, but do you think she encouraged it? I like the idea of her going around terrifying people and everyone thinks Cal doesn't know but he totally does. If they say anything he goes "haha yeah that's my wife ☺️ isn't she funny 😊😊?" And the person is like uhhhh no?

This is basically canon because of that scene in JS where she asks bode for his blood and Cal is in the bg going 😃

oh ABSOLUTELY, like luke realistically shouldn't be afraid (he's 1/4 force, he defeated the last sith, he grew up on tatooine) yet merrin has PERFECTED the art of messing w ppl via being a scary nightsister and she can and will use it on anyone (much to cal's great amusement loll he's ALWAYS down to play along w his wife's pranks)

[tswwwit]

i wonder what would happen if anyone called familiar! Bill, Billy? methinks anyone but maaybe Dipper loses their head or get split into a diy jigsaw puzzle

I think you're right that Dipper's the only one who could get away with it!

As for Bill's reaction to that - depends on context, really, but no matter what Dipper's going to find out that was a Big Deal.

[sophsun1]

Queer as Folk – 3.03: Doctors of Dickology

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 25)

“What…?” Was the first word out of Uzi's mouth after he had told her what he saw, she had been setting up a temporary workshop in what would eventually be Tera's own room. But since she was set up in the bedroom for now, it was free until she graduated from the recharge crib.

“I know h-how it sounds, but there's a weird creepy flesh moss in Doll's room!” He made a pulsing motion with one of his hands and the other was held close to his face.

Uzi blinked, setting down her toolbox on the desk as she seemed to process that information, her eyelights glancing to the side.

“Alright, let's go check it out.” She hummed, looking unphased. She cracked her artificial knuckles, the gaskets discharging pressure as she started to walk towards the door.

“W-wait what?, No! We should just leave it alone right!? I was just-” He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her back around to face him.

“N all the apartments have vent access, if there's something… solver-esque in the bunker, it can't be left to do… whatever it's doing.” She gently pushed him away, crossing her arms as she made her argument.

Right… he hadn't thought of that…

“Mmm… I don't want you going there. Every time something freaky happens someone always gets hurt…” He softened his tone, looking at the floor instead of her eyes for a moment.

“N…” She started, before closing the gap between them, literally interrupting his staring contest with the floor by grabbing his attention with her eyes. “Hey, look. I'm not fragile, you know that. Plus-” Her tail came to brush against his chin, bringing his head up to look at her more directly “I'm more like you now, remember?”

“I know. But why put ourselves in danger? We have Tera, she shouldn't be at risk of… losing one or both of us.” As her tail pulled away, so did she, and they both looked into the bedroom, where Tera was sleeping soundly.

“Tera's the reason we should be, the bunker needs to be safe for her, and I wouldn't rest right if I knew some tentacle could grab her from the vents while we're asleep or something.” She replied, still looking into the doorway, her hand gripped her arm, squeezing it as a way to comfort herself.

“I-I Yeah, yeah you're right. I still don't want you to go alone- maybe I could have Khan watch her while- uh.” She shook her head, and one of her hands swiftly took one of his, cutting him off by inducing a light blush.

“You stay here and be a good dad. I'll take V. She's probably itching to fight something.” Uzi replied with a smirk, breifly rubbing her thumb into the back of his hand before pulling away.

“B-but, Uzi.” Or she would have if N had let her, instead he gripped her hand tightly, making her turn back and look at him as he spoke.

“She won't hurt me, N.” She reassured him with a small smile and a confident smirk “She's no match for me if she tried.” (That probably wasn't true, she'd caught V off guard the first time, but N didn't need to know that)

“No just… be safe, please.” He pleaded, doing the same to her hand as she had done to him; rubbing soft circles into the back of her hand with his thumb.

It was still a little strange for the both of them, these small displays of affection that both seemed to come naturally and unaturally, it had them both blushing, butterflies shared between them even now.

“I-I will. And it's just sitting there right? How bad could it be?” She stammered out, ignoring her small fluster and oozing a sense of confidence.

“V!” Uzi pounded on the door right next to them as hard as she could, she didn't even know if V was home, but-

‘What?!” She screamed back as the door flung open, her claws on her hip.

“Wanna go murder a flesh tentacle with me?”

V’s eyelights went hollow for a moment before a wide grin bloomed on her face, showing off all her fangs, the “X” appeared on her visor, along with a slightly unhinged giggle.

“I'll take that as a yes, come on, it's in Doll's room.”

And so off they went, V looming beside her as they walked the halls to Doll's old room, unlike N, drones were still very much scared of V, they avoided her whenever they could, and if they couldn't, they were as nice as possible to avoid setting her off.

It felt nice to not be stared at for once, all the eyes immediately averted from both V and Uzi, almost as if V would lunge at them if they dared to make eye contact.

And it was clear V took minor joy out of spooking them, looking aloof until someone caught her attention and then flashing them her signature feral smile.

Uzi also found a little joy in watching the drones scamper off, terrified. They weren't in any real danger, V seemed to enjoy living in the bunker, and probably wouldn't risk it by killing someone for giggles.

“Cowards…” Uzi mumbled under her breath, which seemed to draw a genuine laugh from the disassembly drone beside her.

“Oh what? Like you're not scared of me too?” V replied, lacing her voice with some false (maybe?) sweetness that made her sound all the more condescending.

Uzi lifted an eyebrow and made eye contact with her, a small smug smile beginning to find its way to her face.

“No.” She said simply, continuing on her way even if V slowed down a moment, a snarl making it's way to her face.

“W-what? You should be! I still want to kill you, you know.” She growled out, pointing one of her bladed fingers at her, drawing it close to her visor, as they both walked a little faster.

“No you don't.” Uzi replied bluntly, the smirk getting wider as V seemed to get more agitated, one of her eyelights twitching.

“Yes I do!”

“No you don't. You know if you killed me N would literally never forgive you, and even though you'll say that wouldn't bother you. We both know that's a lie.” Uzi was walking backwards now, pointing at the irate disassembler, before her tone fell, breaking into a tease. “Plus, you're actually starting to like me~”

“I absolutely do not!” V lied terribly, a golden blush painting her visor as she yelled, her tail flicking behind her in irritation.

“Yeah ya do. It's written all over your face.” If Uzi could get any more smug she'd be a member of some corporate entity, she slowly turned back around, away from V, to let the girl stew in her feelings for a moment.

“I-I fuck you!” She bit, causing Uzi to snort.

“Hah!”

They reached Doll's front door, and Uzi was about to confidently stroll on in before V put a clawed hand in front of her.

“Let the warmachine go first idiot.” She said, pushing Uzi back with her clawed hand, man the pressure control it would take to not cut her…

“Awww you're so protective.” Uzi cooed, making V blush heavily (not that Uzi could see it.) And roll her eyes, grumbling.

“I will pour oil on your mattress…”

“That's such a waste.”

“Shut up!” V snapped.

V opened the door and flicked on the light without even checking if the door behind her had shut yet, her eyes roamed over the room before she picked up a cup of oil with limbs in it and swished it around.

“Gross.” Was the first word out of Uzi's mouth after she shut the door behind them, eying the chains hanging from the ceiling.

“What? Squeamish?” V mocked, yanking a limb out of one of the chains and using it to pick her teeth Ew.

“I don't throw up at your face do I?” Uzi replied back, smile etched on her face as V responded;

“Bitch!”

They both looked around the macabre display around them, Uzi locking her gaze to the burned out corpses still sitting at the kitchen table, she glanced at V, who seemed to be looking in the same direction, although with a different look than the first time they were here.

“Let's just find this thing and get out of here.” V said quietly, and Uzi could only nod, N had said it was in the bedroom, so that where she headed off to, walking past each hanging corpse without looking at them, lest she see someone she recognized.

V was close behind her, close enough she could feel the heat of her core on her back, huh, she ran a little warmer then N, still not unpleasantly so, but it was noticeable.

The doorway to the bedroom was still lit, in his rush to leave it seemed N forgot to turn off the light, both drones peered in, starting on the floor.

There was nothing, only dusty carpet and a normal bedroom.

“Think he was so hot he was hallucinating?” V suggested, side eying Uzi as they both leaned up against the same doorway.

“Nah, he wasn't that warm when he left- oh shit.”

Uzi’s eyes trailed up, eyelights going hollow as they followed a long black tendril running up against the wall and onto the ceiling, splitting into multiple smaller veins as it criss crossed across the ceiling.

“Oh…”

“Yeah I'm using the flamethrower.” One of her arms became the tip of a flamethrower, that she immediately pointed into the room, ready to fire.

“You have a- wait V!” Uzi grabbed onto her arm and forcefully pointed it down, V looked over, like she was getting impatient already.

“N said there was something under the bed, we need to check if it's still there.”

“Or we could just burn the whole room.” She suggested again, waving around the tip of her flamethrower as if it was the obvious thing to do.

“V. We need to know, if it's spread this much in just a few hours, who knows if it's still just contained in this room.” Uzi explained, gesturing to the vent beside the door that was thankfully clear of any strange growths.

“Fine. You're checking though.”

“Duh.”

She crept into the room with her tail watching her back and her own claws poking out of her fingertips, they weren't like V's or N's, they were more like a cat's, curved and sharp, made out of the same material as the caps of her fingers, and could easily break if met with enough resistance.

They were still sharp enough to go through silicone and metal.

The veins pulsed and throbbed above her, and a noise that sounded suspiciously like a heatbeat could be heard faintly, she knelt down next to the bed.

Almost as soon as she was down on the floor, her hands met wet, sticky carpet, she lifted an eyebrow and raised her hand only for the carpet the stick to her, a thick, clear mucus separating from the carpet onto her hand.

“Eugh!” Escaped her as she shook it off her hand and it splattered back onto the carpet, joining the thin layer of it spread around the bed.

She ducked quickly, using her tail as a flashlight to peer underneath the bed.

She really, really wished she'd taken V's offer sooner.

Yes, there was something underneath the bed, and while it may have resembled moss at some point it could no longer be described as such. It was a mass of wriggling flesh, pulsing and beating arythmicly, as if it was irritated. Sharp points of malformed teeth jutted out randomly, Uzi gulped.

The mass gurgled, before it formed a full, unblinking, lidless human eye. Which stared at her.

“…V.”

“Yeah?”

“Charcoal it.”

“Sure- Uzi!”

Surprised at hearing her name come out of V's mouth, she sprung up, but the action was too late, a tendril had unlatched from the ceiling and had curled around her leg in a single swift motion, hoisting her up into the air by her ankle.

She yelped as she left the ground, tail coming to sink it's teeth into the black cord around her leg, her hands swiping uselessly at it, her claws not long enough to reach it's target, it also seemed immune to her venom, as it barely flinched at her tails bite.

Pain shot up her leg as the black veins began to spread across the metal rungs of her legs, it was searing, like a constant high voltage running through it, she screamed, watching as the metal began to warp and meld into the tentacle.

“V!”

V's sword came down a moment later, quickly severing the connection between her and the flesh-bed. But the veins kept spreading, down to her foot and up past her knee.

“Shit!” Uzi cursed, trying to throw off her boot and her leg warmer to assess the damage.

V quickly pointed her flamethrower at the bed and let loose, torrents of hot flame bursting out of the end of her arm and alighting it in cleaning flame, a horrid, choked scream erupted from underneath the bed as the cinders lapped up at the ancient furniture.

“F-fuck! V!” Uzi felt panic grip her core, the veins quickly climbing up her leg leaving searing pain in their wake, she felt tears prick at her eyelights as her entire body shook.

“This is gonna hurt!” V shouted, bringing up her sword above her head.

Her sword came down, severing limb from body like a hot knife, another shout of blinding pain left her mouth, but what followed was a breath of relief, the burning had stopped.

The socket was gushing oil, Uzi thought quickly and pointed V to the bathroom to grab a towel, internally, she tried to redirect all the oil to her still present limbs, and away from the hole. The fire raged on the other side of the room, Uzi crawled toward the doorway.

“Here.” V returned, with more than one towel underneath her arm, before grabbing the worker drone and immediately shutting the bedroom door behind them, the heat from the blaze still able to be felt behind the door.

“I- I got it.” Uzi took a towel and began to turn it into a rag, but she was still trembling, and she couldn't get a good grip on it, it fell out of her hands more than once.

“Sh-shit.” She cursed again, going to try to pick it up once more before V did instead, taking a step forward.

“I got it. your system is in shock.” She said, voice several times more gentle than Uzi had ever heard it. Was that pity? Oh screw that, she was fine.

“No- I” Her system lurched as another wave of dull pain washed over her, almost sending her further onto the floor.

“I got it.” V said again, switching the sword put for a normal hand.

Uzi winced as V pushed her up against the probably only clean wall in Doll's room, although her hand was gentle, she ripped up the towel in her clawed hand, before shoving each large peice into the socket.

She grunted, each shove producing a feedback loop of pain in her systems, she bit her lip, an uncomfortable whine escaped her lips as a million warnings began to pop onto her screen, low oil, hull breach, overheating.

“Breathe, you're holding your breath.” She said simply, and Uzi did what she was told with a shudder, each breath coming out labored and ragged.

V was being uncharacteristically gentle focused on the task at hand, her brow furrowed as she took quick glances at Uzi's visor to make sure she didn't go offline.

Even once she was done though, she went a step farther, trying to clean to oil off her chassis where she could, Uzi felt a shiver roll up her spine, but said nothing.

“That should stop the bleeding, how are your oil levels?” She asked, touching the binding to make sure it wouldn't come loose. Making Uzi wince once more.

“Low- but not decreasing.” Uzi replied, slowly recovering from the shock of having her limb chopped off.

“Good.”

V made eye contact with her purple eyelights, glanced down at the socket now full of oil stained towels and sighed.

“Sorry, about uh… your leg.” She looked away and up, possibly looking for another snack, or more tentacles. (Or just because she didn't want to look her in eye)

“You probably saved my life no-no worries.” Uzi reassured, looking down at her missing limb. Holy crap, that was insane.

“I probably should have just let you burn it.” She grinned dumbly, and V looked back at her and rolled her eyes.

“Duh.”

Uzi chuckled, but it was interrupted by a violent cough, she clinked her head against the wall with a groan.

“N is going to freak.” She mumbled, she could see his face now, he wouldn't ever let her leave the house without him after this…

“Probably yeah. He's gonna chew my ass out for letting you get hurt.” V laughed lightly, although it sounded pained.

“Nah, I won't let him.” Uzi replied, taking the moment to observe more of how V was feeling.

Her eyelights were still hollow, and she was glancing around the room as if one of the many corpses in the room could come to life, her tail was arched around to Uzi's side protectively, probably something V didn't know she was doing or she'd be ripping it away.

Uzi smirked, low oil or not, she just couldn't help it. V was horribly fun to antagonise.

“Told ya you liked me~” She teased, but it had no bite at all behind it, V groaned, but met her eyes with a solid blush gracing her face, she ripped her tail away.

“Shut up loser.”

Next ->

[andro-dino]

root rpg,,,,, save me root rpg

SIKE this is more alabaster husband posting because I love them and cant stop thinking about them <3

peggy's beef with celgene makes me giggle. man is SO incredibly stressed and tired and peggy just fuels the fire by getting on his ass about it it's very silly

these guys are 50/almost 50 (in my head at least) can u believe that

a funny thought i had that i wanted to draw but decided would be too much work and i couldn't do how i wanted to (spoilers for root rpg ep 3)

Since celgene's office is also his bedroom I think the idea of like, ep 3 after everything is said and done and cel brings everyone up to his office, Sonny is in bed still but woke up after cel got up and so when he comes back to the room, Son's just like "What was all the commotion about Cel-" and he's just met with the sight of celgene leading the vagabonds in, a very beat up Mr. Y and Phil, and the dead body of Mr. Smiles being dragged into the room while Dolly lays out a tarp and Cel and Sonny just kinda look at each other very silently for a hot minute before they're like

"I don't even- go back to bed doll"

"Yeah im goin back to bed"

[losersimonriley]

At the tail end of a long, grueling mission that had them run around half of Eastern Europe, Laswell had given Ghost and Soap three days of leave before they'd be flying back home. She'd even booked them a hotel in a tiny spa town for two nights. Yet even though they arrived early in the day, Soap was still exhausted enough from the mission to just let Ghost handle the check in.

Something was off, though, when Ghost returned to him. He could tell by the square set of his shoulders and the slight frown on his brows. Even without his usual balaclava, his hood and face mask hid most of Ghost's expressions from inexperienced viewers.

"Good news: Laswell's paying for two dinners each at the in house restaurant. It's supposedly very good," Ghost reported.

"And the bad news?"

Ghost subtly shifted his weight. "Only had rooms with double beds left."

"You mind sharing?" Soap raised his eyebrows.

"Nah. Thought you might."

"Nah. Let's get up to our room then. I'm right knackered from the trip."

Ghost rolled his eyes at the phrasing, but didn't comment on it. When Soap punched his shoulder to signal go time, he obediently followed to the elevator.

As forewarned, the room only had one bed. But at least it was the softest, most cloud like bed Soap'd ever had the pleasure of sitting on. He wanted to immediately lie down and never get up. First things first, though.

"Mind if I take the first shower?"

Ghost shrugged. "Feel free. Thought I'd have a look around town. Find the spa. Try the public fountains. Look at the local attractions. Tourist shite."

"Have fun. I'll cover home base while you're out on recon, then."

Ghost huffed out a small laugh as he turned to leave the room.

Soap hopped into the shower for a quick wash, dried himself off with extremely fluffy towels and then got himself comfortable in the bed. He'd planned on a quick nap, but when he woke up again, it was because someone had chucked a paper bag at his head. It smelled deliciously like baked goods.

"Got you lunch, Sleeping Beauty."

"I'd be so mad at you for waking me like that," Soap said as he sat up and bit into the bun that'd smacked him in the ear. "If this weren't so good."

"Up for an afternoon trying all the healing springs? The park is twenty minutes from here and has at least ten different fountains with different properties. Maybe one can cure stupid."

"Maybe one can cure being a dick."

"You'll never know."

They spent the afternoon together trying the water from every single fountain in the park. It had clearly been built sometime in the nineteenth century, Soap pointed out, citing the architecture and decorations. The water was various kinds of salty. More than half the fountains were claimed to have uranium in the water, a fact that led both Ghost and Soap to come up with more and more outrageous movie mutations caused by too much of the spa water. Dinner at the hotel's restaurant was fantastic. The chef didn't skimp on the fat, nor on the herbs and spices.

Soap had almost forgotten about the bed in their room by the time they got ready for bed. "I can still sleep on the floor, LT."

"Why?"

"Dunno." Soap shrugged. "Thought it might be weird to you."

"'s not." Ghost took off his boots, stripped down to his undershirt and briefs before he slipped under the covers. "Fuck. 's like a cloud in here."

Quickly, before either of them could change their mine, Soap undressed and got into bed as well. His hammering heart forced him to keep a fair distance between himself and Ghost.

"Figured you'd be a cuddler," Ghost mused.

"That an offer?"

"Mh." Under the covers, Ghost reached out to pull Soap closer to him. "Don't mind if it's you."

Soap swallowed. He let himself be pulled against Ghost, head resting on a broad chest, hand over a heart that was beating it's staccato rhythm in tandem with Soap's own.

"G'night, Simon," Soap whispered, not trusting his mouth to say more.

"Night, Johnny."

When he woke up the next morning with his Johnny sprawled out on top of him, with his breath hot against his bare neck, Ghost was immensely glad he'd convinced the hotel clerk to give them a room with a double bed. Even if it was just for one more night, he'd treasure this closeness for the rest of his life.

This felt like getting tucked into a comfy warm hotel bed of my very own <3 I hope everyone else enjoys this cloud bed as much as I do god BLESS

[plugnuts]

What I love about Pokéspe is that the mcs give nicknames to their Pokémon- like that's not something we see a lot in main Pokémon. It just means a lot to me as someone who always nicknames their Pokémon in the games.

[infinityoftwo]

Dragon Age Banter 2/???

Solas & Dorian

[goldenivy0]

"I forgot something", he reminded her.

"At two in the morning?"

He offered her a crooked smile. "I can't sleep without my favorite dagger."

"A comfort to every growing child."

Azriel's lips twitched.

[writeouswriter]

Reading a fic that's so well written I wish I could close my eyes and just let the descriptions and atmosphere wash over me, but the dilemma with closing my eyes is, well, I then would not be able to continue reading this fic, now would I.

[landfilloftrash]

So I recently read ‘The Law’.