#godheim alkaid
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alkaid: of sincerity, soulmates, and selfless sacrifice

˗ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ Happy birthday, Alkaid! \(´▽`)/ ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-
In honour of this special day, I’ve prepared a present – a short meta post answering the question posed in the LBC discord server, “What made you fall for Alkaid?”
This screenshot pretty much sums it up (mild Godheim spoilers):

Alkaid loves deeply, and this manifests in his unwavering devotion and earnest sincerity. He is a steadfast protector who loves and feels and hurts with every fibre of his being, yet he conceals this intensity with a genial demeanour.
What are Alkaid’s core motivations and character traits? What lies beneath the facade of this heartrendingly complex character? For all that Alkaid is an enigma, he also inadvertently wears his heart on his sleeve, if you know where to look.
[ SPOILERS: broad references to Alkaid’s stories from Godheim, White Day, and Book of Tales. ]

Upon MC’s first encounter with Alkaid in the modern world, my first impression of him was a decently good one, but not particularly impressive or memorable. He’s the generic nice guy, the affable upperclassman who welcomes you to school and helps you settle in comfortably.
Later, we come to realise that this is exactly what he wants others to think. Alkaid intentionally projects the image of an unassuming gentleman, concealing his true emotions underneath an amiable disposition and a pleasant smile. Wearing this persona as his shield, he strives to be likeable, while also fading into the background, unobtrusive and unremarkable. The less attention drawn to himself, the better; there will be fewer chances to slip up, fewer risks of making a mistake. As long as he keeps up appearances, he can play the role of the perfect prince.
Alkaid does not do this to be deliberately duplicitous; in fact, it is much the contrary. His innate kindness and self-effacing consideration for others spur him to accommodate as much as he can, often to the point of self-sacrifice. He hides his true self, in order to please others. He relinquishes what he has, in order to give others what they want. Alkaid puts himself secondary to what others ask of him, not because he thinks of himself as worthless, but because he believes he is worth less.
In the Book of Tales event, Alkaid’s story draws from Oscar Wilde’s The Nightingale and the Rose. It is a tale of a nightingale who sacrifices her blood and her life, in order to create a red rose for the human she loves. In the same way, Alkaid readily pierces himself with thorns so that he can give MC the red rose she needs. Despite the excruciating pain, he does not flinch in the slightest, but he immediately reacts in a panic when MC is hurt by the thorny vines. Alkaid cares for others more than he does himself, yet he does not realise that by valuing himself less and taking all the hurt upon himself, he is inadvertently hurting those who care for him.

In Godheim, Alkaid’s love is also shown through selfless sacrifice. He willingly forsakes himself without a second thought, simply because he loves someone that deeply and thinks that little of himself in comparison. He would rather inflict wounds on himself than risk taking advantage of the person he loves, and he always strives to be kind no matter the cruelty dealt to him. His desire stems from love, and his power coalesces from his wish to protect those who matter to him.
In an effort to keep MC safe, Alkaid pushes himself to the brink, exhausting all his magic and life energy to the point that he nearly dies. One particular route branch has him shouldering the blame on MC's behalf, taking her punishment upon himself so that she doesn't have to. At the end of it all, he even writes a biography to honour Clarence's sacrifice, despite everything the Archmage has done to him. Alkaid is so empathetic that he can see past his sister's death and recognise that MC is an unwilling player in this whole situation, that she doesn't deserve anyone's ire.
Alkaid's heart runs so deep and so kind, yet he never recognises his own goodness, instead fearing the potential for evil within him. Throughout his Godheim route, he refrains from ending anyone's life, even that of his enemies, yet he is willing to commit evil with his own hands if it means he can protect his beloved MC. It is this irony, this multifacetedness to Alkaid that makes him such an intriguing character – even as it makes him fear himself for what he is capable of.
In modern-day Alkaid, this contradiction is reflected in his self-perception. Borrowing the metaphor of the Rose Elf and the Gentleman Agent, Alkaid believes he cannot possibly be the former because he is nowhere near as honest or upright. Instead, he identifies with the latter, because he hides so much of himself in the shadows.
What Alkaid fails to realise, however, is that these characters are not one-dimensional tropes, and neither is he. The Gentleman Agent is shrouded in veils and deceit, but he is also a protector. The Rose Elf is fragile and delicate, but he is also so ardent in his love and commitment. Alkaid is all of these things, because they can coexist without being contradictory. I won’t go into detail about Awakening, since it’s still a relatively new release and the story is best experienced for yourself, but his route there also ties in with this theme.

Alkaid’s worst fears stem from the dual nature he perceives in himself, the capacity for evil that he believes lurks dormant in his heart. He views good and evil as a binary, believing that they exist as a dichotomy within him, and this is exemplified by the black and white imagery he's often depicted with. Referring to his negative emotions and thoughts as his “other side,” Alkaid separates his good, ideal self from the side he believes he must suppress.
Ironically, this demarcation between the parts of him that are acceptable and the parts that are not inevitably exacerbates Alkaid’s fears. The more people like his outward persona, the more he worries that they will scorn his true nature. He believes that other people like him for what he seems to be, but that they will not like him for who he actually is. He is deceitful, dangerous, disappointing, do they not see that? Do they not realise that the true him is not worthy of such praise or adoration?
The answer is no, because Alkaid is far harsher on himself than he deserves. He is human, and he is allowed to be multifaceted, to have different sides to him, to feel emotions that are positive and negative and the full gamut that runs in between. He is not a dichotomous binary, but a complex being that exists beyond good and evil.
This is where MC comes in. She sees Alkaid for who he is – all the sides he does not show others, and all the selves in disparate worlds across space and time. Beyond the idea of soulmates, her connection with him is that of 知己 (zhī jǐ) – to know someone as you know yourself – in how deeply and thoroughly she understands him. She perceives him, down to the depths of his soul, and she says: I love you, still. Not despite his flaws, or regardless of his shortcomings. Rather, it is an acceptance, encompassing every fibre of his being. I love you for everything you are.
There’s a line from Tian Guan Ci Fu (天官赐福; Heaven Official’s Blessings) that resonates with this idea: 对我来说,风光无限的是你,跌落尘埃的也是你。重点是'你',而不是'怎样'的你。”To me, the one basking in infinite glory is you, and the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is ‘you,’ not the state of you.” Alkaid strives to only show his best sides to others, but MC embraces all his worst sides just as readily. He is terrified that she will leave when she realises he’s not like the person she initially thought she loved, but she stays because she sees all of him and cherishes him through it all. She loves him, because he loves so deeply, and he deserves to be loved in return.
So, happy birthday, Alkaid – you are worthy of the love you receive.

#sol's meta analyses#lovebrush chronicles meta#lovebrush chronicles#for all time#lbc#lbc spoilers#alkaid mcgrath#lovebrush alkaid#godheim alkaid#eden alkaid#modern alkaid
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Desire.
Alkaid’s POV
GN reader
Warning: Spoilers for Alkaid’s Godheim route
———
I’ve been alone since I could remember. Separated by the ones I love.
I ran away.
I watched her disappear.
I felt my heart ache.
You talk to me like I’m a person.
I’m not a guard in your eyes.
I’m not a mage.
I am, myself.
When the Archmage and the emperor spoke of you, I never imagined you’d have this power they’d speak of.
I kept my distance from you as I knew what would happen.
Yet.
I kept getting drawn to you.
I knew what I desired for once. I felt selfish, but it’s what I desired.
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an appreciation post for alkaid's earrings, in order from godheim -> eden -> spirit world -> modern -> misc
#lovebrush chronicles#alkaid mcgrath#his godheim ear cuffs are my FAAAAVVVV#i also love his reoccurring black stud earrings lmfao idk why but it Tickles Me#ALSO OFC THE BIRD EARRING FOR HIS FIRST BDAY#!!!!!!!!!!#cn spoilers#lbc spoilers#i think one of these is also a mist city alkaid (in the misc) but google translate could be steering me Wrong HAHA
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this tournament sucks Joke

#.posts ɞ#they haven't updated it yet but#all the alkaids won. except for lost bloodline bc if godheim clarence LOL
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i have been playing lovebrush chronicles these few weeks so i offer
an rkgk of Alkaid cause I've known him for a month now and I love him
#rkgk#alkaid#alkaid mcgrath#wip#sketch#artist on tumblr#lovebrush chronicles#luchen#for all time#really wip like#but i love him i had to quickly pull this out#i finished his godheim route today so I'll draw godheim alkaid this week#lbc alkaid
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HOW THE BOYS PLAY LUDO WITH EACH OTHER AND YOU
rules of the game: the goal is to have your four tokens inside the your columns. your opponents can impede your progress by stepping onto the same square as you and sending you back to the homebase ("blocking"). in some variations, two dices may be used, and rules can differ even between related families—for example, getting another turn after blocking a token or after getting your own to homebase. it can accomodate only four solo players.
— pairing: [mostly platonic] modern-day love interests & little painter/you
— word count: 977
— tags: none
— author's note: it brings me great joy that ludo is an actual activity in the itinerary. for me, ludo has always been what monopoly is to other people—breaker of bonds, with at least one person liable to flip over the board. i have no idea if someone else has done this before, but enjoy!
return to lbc masterlist | series: none



would not harm anyone unless backed into a corner; alkaid
Alkaid is perhaps the most civilized player at the table. Even as the rest of his companions holler for him to block someone's advance, he will always choose the less bloody option, unless it is the only move he can make or if someone's win [not you] is all but guaranteed and everyone else is indisposed of at the moment.
He will always apologize as he offers the loser their token back, and gracefully accepts his own losses with a smile. His preference for teaming up is with you, and his second most common team up is Clarence. He believes yellow is his lucky color, as he often ends up on the board before his peers—though he usually sabotages the wins that are handed to him on a platter.
Most often, he lets Clarence explain his options for a turn and decides his choice based on what is most beneficial for you. This often results in Lars having to physically restrain himself from bashing his head into the table, since Alkaid's playstyle is in direct opposition of his.



knows which tokens are on the chopping block, only makes use of that knowledge if it can earn him another roll; ayn
Ayn is a very competitive player. He has his next moves decided before the dice are handed over to him, and can quickly recalculate his next actions if the roll is suboptimal. Mercy is not a word present in his vocabulary—if he notices an opening, he will make use of it, especially if it's against you, often resulting in almost everyone banding against him. However, he's already against everyone, so it doesn't bother him.
He doesn't like teaming up with people, but he does demand a game of having you on his team on occasion for "fairness". He also often complains about how long you and Alkaid take in terms of deciding how to move due to his own speed—and he's absolutely a sore loser, particularly if first place went to Lars.
His preferred color is red, and he often has some of the best luck—and often the worst, as he remains the only person to successfully get three rolls of double sixes more than once, which constitutes the end of his turn without any movement on his part.



self-sufficient and absolutely ruthless, often goes easy on you; cael
Cael can be accurately described as a mix of Alkaid and Ayn. He enjoys blocking tokens whenever he can, but unlike Ayn, he enjoys taunting his opponents and he refuses to touch your team whenever possible. Often times, like Alkaid, he has to be consoled if he ends up going against you—though his intentions are decidedly less pure.
His preference is to be paired with you whenever possible, but he often ends up paired with Lars—which you find morbidly funny. Like Godheim, they often clash due to their opposing stances. If the token in their way belongs to you, Ayn often adds them to his hitlist because they take up quite a bit of time in bickering over their next move.
His preferred color is blue. He is usually never the first person to come onto the board, but he is also never the last part—which is a distinction that usually falls on you. However, he often has bouts of bad luck where he ends up with suboptimal rolls at the start and end of the game.



often takes the time to help other players [mostly you and Alkaid], just happy to hang out with friends; clarence
Clarence is an absolute sweetheart and actually a decent player. He could absolutely take the troublesome trio [Ayn, Cael, Lars] on, and does so whenever you and Alkaid hang back. But he often encourages you and Alkaid to block his tokens and often hands out the best moves without requiring anything in return—and Lars often teases him for it.
He's most often left with the color green, as all the other choices are always taken. Often, he pairs up with you or Alkaid, which Ayn encourages as it greatly speeds up the game. Among the group, he also has the distinction of being the only one who gets sad if he doesn't end up in a team, so Lars will sometimes give up his favorite spot to hang out with him.
The first time everyone played together, there were a few minor arguments about the ruleset since everyone grew up playing it differently. As he was the one who led them all to create a rulebook that still gets periodically updated, he's often the referee during any minor disputes—often caused by Ayn or Cael, who are quick to roll their dice on their turn, even if someone else has just barely finished their move. He values Lars' counsel during these moments.



self-sufficient, but enjoys pointing out the many ways in which someone can block a token; lars
Lars is chaos incarnate. If the table is yelling and screaming, he's having the time of his life. He's aware of the tokens on the board at all times and often uses that information to inform others of an optimal move—which often puts him on Ayn's hitlist since he ends up ruining Ayn's plans. Like Ayn, he always has his next moves prepared ahead of time and he often bargains when he is either asked to show mercy or offers it himself [usually to you, but sometimes, he takes pity on Alkaid and Clarence too].
He has the most variable luck among everyone. Sometimes, his run will be smooth sailing, and other times, he will have to carefully claw his way to victory with ones and twos. Despite that, he's often competing with Ayn and Cael for first, while everyone else prepares themselves for a poor showing. Very often, he's the one to suggest continuing the game until everyone has their own placements as he just enjoys the chaos.
His preferred color is also blue, hence why he often ends up paired with Cael. He rarely pairs up with you, mostly because he's the only person on the table capable of inciting a true competitive response from you—as opposed to a desire to merely keep up, like with Ayn or Cael.
#headcanons by aya#lovebrush chronicles#for all time#alkaid mcgrath#lovebrush alkaid#ayn alwyn#lovebrush ayn#cael anselm#lovebrush cael#clarence clayden#lovebrush clarence#lars rorschach#lovebrush lars#lovebrush chronicles headcanons#rambles from here on -> i vaguely remember getting ludo on my itinerary and little painter mentioning that lars is competitive#but i feel like he just has that chaotic vibe y'know?#also i feel like i accidentally mimicked godheim's dynamics beyond just lars and cael and idk why it cracks me up#i am curious to see what the other responses are though because lars is the only LI who has said anything on ludo#though i've only gotten this twice but it's def my favorite activity LOL
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I PRESENT EVERYONE MY MASTERPIECE, CROSS UNIVERSE SHIPS.
#ok listen this might be insane#but also just IMAGINE the possibilities#lovebrush chronicles#alkaid mcgrath#clarence clayden#azuarts~#LIKE IMAGINE EDEN ALKAID AND IDK GODHEIM AYN???#eden lars and awakening ayn could go hard#someone listentomepleaSE
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Why are you always have an alternate side in every world *sobs*




Now I'm worried about the Modern!Alkaid gah does he have an alternative dark side to him unknown to us???
#but damn not that I'm complaining though-#you want to be seen as a perfect gentleman by mc while being shady behind the scenes#this is just like your Eden variant#and a bit of your Godheim one-#-since he was willing to go against the world for mc#lovebrush chronicles#lovebrush chronicles alkaid#alkaid mcgrath
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Going through Eden Alkaid's route is just a compilation of me crying and obsessively repeating "my sweet angel what in the fuckeree tickeree did they do to you ???"

#for all time#lovebrush chronicles#alkaid mcgrath#eden alkaid#otome#game#godheim alkaid save me#alkaid#eden#this stupid game has my soul in a death grip
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HE JUST WANTED TO LIVE MAN
#👓#i wish i had fic ideas w godheim clarence bc he makes me soooooo ill#also got profoundly reminded of how at the beginning of his route#i was doubting him when he said the desire behind his magic was the desire to live#maybe partly bc he described it as 'self-preservation' which sounds uh#what's the word#rude???#not as poetic???#like look at the noventrate#you got asmoran who got the desire of lust and amelia who got the desire of gluttony#and those two are kinda like 'grand' poetic ideas#(partly bc they're part of the seven deadly sins)#and then you got alkaid who's desire is to protect the ones he loves#so 'self-preservation' doesn't sound as grand or poetic#BUT THEN YOU GO THRU HIS PAST#AND SEE HOW IMPORTANT THAT DESIRE TO LIVE WAS TO HIM#THE DESIRE TO LIVE AS A HUMAN BEING MAN......#AND ULTIMATELY TIL THE END HE'S 'ALIVE' BUT IS HE REALLY#HE HAD TO ABSORB THE BUTTERFLY TO BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL MAGE IN GODHEIM#AND BECOME IMMORTAL#AND THEN HE BECAME THE BUTTERFLY TO SAVE GODHEIM AND LOCK HIMSELF AWAY IN THE SPATIO TEMPORAL GAP#i can't stop thinking about him as you can see#bro made me realize actually the desire to live as a human is beautiful and poetic#and in a world like godheim where death is constant it is grand in a way for a mage to desire living as a human#when their final fate is to become a monster
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Ayn: What...
Lars: You can have the kingdom, I'm taking my daughter with me away from here..
Ayn: *Stares with wide eyes surprised*
Lars: I haven't been the best emperor but I've become the best dad....as far as being the best can come..
Lars: I'd rather not Sasha be dragged into everything
Ayn: She can be crowned princess.
Lars: Hm?
Ayn: Diana..asked me to watch over her baby alongside Alkaid...
Ayn: .....I'm doing my best to fulfill that promise and Sasha doesn't have much power in her hands..
Ayn: Make her the Crowned Princess...
Lars: *Stares then looks away* No, my idea still stands, when she's old enough, I'm taking her and leaving..
Ayn: You can't-
Lars: I can and I will...too many people are after my baby now..you know this
Ayn: *Glances down*
Lars: You're not arguing anymore so you know I'm right.....then this discussion is settled, I'm taking her with me when she's twelve
Ayn: What if she can prove she can survive, will you replace me with her like I suggested..
Lars: Only then....yes..
Ayn: *Turns and walks away* Fine then..
~~~~
Sasha(5): *Beams* Ayn!
Ayn: *Picks her up* Sasha...you need to start working hard alright..
Alkaid: Huh?
Ayn: I need you to replace me as the Crowned Heir....this is the final thing I can do for your mother to protect you and give you more power..
Alkaid: *Stares in shock* Huh..
Ayn: So study hard, learn swordsmanship, and grow up strong...
Sasha: *Looks down confused but nods* Okay...
Ayn: *Sets her down* Good....what have you made this time
Ayn: *Crouches down beside Sasha, watching her draw* A bunny...
Sasha: *Nods, beaming*
Alkaid: *Stares at Ayn stunned, wondering what was going through his head*
@queen-of-twisted
#emperor lars of godheim#godheim lars#godheim lars rorschach#lars rorschach#alkaid mcgrath#lovebrush alkaid#lbc alkaid#lovebrush chronicles alkaid#lbc oc#lbc ayn#lbc#lovebrush chronicles#lovebrush lars#lovebrush ayn
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whispers into ur ear,, the moon will sing by the crane wives w alkaid,,,
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fellow artem girlie who likes alkaid checking in. i know i'm predictable but watching a man get hit with a lust spell or whatever that was and then having him cut himself to snap out of it instead of having cheap fanservice was lifechanging ok
OKAY ACTUALLY. SO TRUE ANON. YOU'RE LITERALLY SO RIGHT.
alkaid respects women so much that he literally powered thru some like. insanely powerful Horny Spell Sex Pollen and like you said?? STABBED himself to snap out of it??? AWOOOOGA literally infinitely more sexy than fanservice could ever be and i mean this HAHA
#lovebrush chronicles#alkaid mcgrath#something something the virgin atmospherics ssr vs the chad alkaid godheim route#i can make this comparison because theyre both Base Game too#asks#anon#i recently did a reread of shit for the new main story drop so im likeehehe
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I finally finished Alkaid's story!
I noticed he had two epilogues??? Why??? What happens in the other one?
Spoilers under the cut!




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hello if anyone plays lovebrush chronicles, pls talk to me abt it bc ive been rlly obsessed with it lately :')
#( spam )#i finish alkaids route in less than 24 hrs PLS#I LOVEEEE CLARENCE BTW#not in the godheim stories but ik theres more to it :/ i wanna play his route so bad ughhhh#i want his waiting cat ssr too T________T
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[modern] cael | should've said it to my face
After reading Cael's response to your comment, you eventually give into your impulsive thoughts and call him. It turns out to be a misunderstanding
2k, takes place during qixi event [minor spoilers for the card], misunderstandings + fluff, reader is mc, series: none


DINNER TIME SEES YOU SCROLLING aimlessly through Lofter, in search of something to do.
You're sprawled across the couch on your back, knees bent, with a plate—stacked with airfryer dino nuggets and french fries—balanced precariously in front of you. The hand not occupied with your phone holds onto a half-empty soda can. When you remember to eat, you stick it in the gap between you and the sofa's backrest and pray it doesn't spill over again.
In the background, a movie you'd seen multiple trailers for in your spare time runs on the TV. For the first thirty minutes, it was rather entertaining, actually—for reasons beyond the absolutely stellar writing. It was, and is, filled with so many cliches, all dragged out and played entirely straight, that it makes you wonder if the writers had a checklist.
Then, your editor texted you around the time the couple had their first date and—well.
Though it turned out that the phone call she was asking for had nothing to do anything that would make a perpetually tardy artist quiver in fear, Beanie can attest to what a disaster the fifteen minutes before said phone call were.
Your shirt is still sticky from the spilt soda, and worse, the water you splashed on the stain has left you soaked. And on top of that, your shirt wasn't the only victim in this mess. Now, some of your nuggets carry with them a hint of sweetness—one that can't be attributed to the ketchup.
They're still good, you think stubbornly, glaring at someone imaginary sitting opposite to you.
You pull your legs closer, clearly disgruntled, and sit up straight. The artifacts of your makeshift party for one change positions with you, making you look less like a slob after work hours—even if that is what you were going for.
Because that someone imaginary looks suspiciously like Cael, with that close-mouthed smile that reeks of barely-disguised amusment. A menace with good publicity, though you'd take this Cael over the "old" one any day.
After all, this one is yours—to have, and to hold, for as long as you live.
You think of the characters in your latest manga, and of those last few pages; of the red dress the painter had picked out, and of where the spirit's—and yours—thoughts had gone. The ones you'd added as a bonus after dicussing a much happier ending with Cael. Frankly, it's the most self-indulgent thing you'd written since In Passing, except this time, you didn't bother holding back on your fantasies.
"Wait," you mutter, squinting down at an artwork from one of your mutuals on your phone. The poor dinosaur that gets offered up to your hungry belly this time is thankfully not one of the soggy ones. "Has he seen it yet?"
The answer to your question, once you regretfully pull your gaze away from the beautiful man you drew, and pull up your latest post on Lofter is yes.
hubby: This drawing is great.
A simple compliment, yet your spirits soar to never-before-seen heights. With your free hand, you cup your cheek; your pinkie finger can only partially hide the curved end of your lips. Then, like a thick veil, your hair falls over half of your face, prompting a small laugh from you.
As you tuck your hair behind your ear, you can't help but think it adds to the scene. The lovesick smile. His comment. The affection swelling in your fluttering heart.
You imagine the soft smile on his face when he saw your post and wonder why he isn't here to tuck your hair back for you.
Truth is, you'd never learned how to stop missing Cael, even after he'd returned to being a permanent fixture in your life. The only time you don't miss him is when he's in front of you—when you can wrap your arms around him, in a carefully struck balance of spoiled and loving, and hear his exasperated chuckle as he pulls you in closer.
Maybe that is why the words you write in response lack any double meanings.
you: @hubby But I feel that the person in the drawing is better than the drawing itself.
Tracing the silhouette of his hair, you think this is the Cael that comes closest to showcasing his ethereal beauty. All that practice through drawing the Silver Knight has left you as the most qualified person to make that judgement. It is with this thought in mind, and a puffed chest, that you wait for his response.
And Cael could be busy, for all you know. It could take a while for him to respond, for all you know.
Still, if you play your cards right, when you tell him how long you waited, he'll pat your head. And on your forehead, the heat from his loving kiss will linger for long after he pulls away.
You grin at the thought and scroll down.
hubby: Me too.
At first, you can only blink.
Me too, you repeat dumbly, tilting your head to the side. You must look like quite the catch, with three nuggets and countless fries stuffed into you face. ME TOO?
The vision of his faint smirk transforms your previously lovesick demeanor in an instant. Swallowing your food down, you glare at the snarky comment, thumbs hovering over the digital keyboard without a reply in mind.
It would've been better if he'd said it to your face. You could tackle him—maybe kiss the smirk off his face. Countless letters are typed out and erased within seconds of each other, simply because you can't settle on anything to say. The scowl on your face deepens as you swipe out of the app.
And you're not sure what happens after that, but when you come to, you find yourself staring at half of an objectively terrible selfie you'd taken with Cael—
And Ringing... written underneath.
When he picks up, the first thing Cael says is your name.
"What a coincidence." Your boyfriend chuckles softly. "I was thinking I wanted to hear your voice."
You fear the psychological damage is irreversible. Why did you call him again?
Oh, rig—wait a minute.
"Did you miss me?" you ask, not so much curious as you are delighted. "Wait."
Never let it be said that you don't have your priorities straight. You're sure anyone in your position would do the same thing. So, with a giggle—both at your snarky comment and at the prospect of being missed by Cael—you pull your phone away from your ear and make your earlier wish of seeing his face come true.
"Let me—" You adjust your bangs, knowing well the futility of doing so. "—Let me turn my camera on."
When you finally catch sight of his beautiful face, as the camera turns on, Cael is smiling gently.
Upon catching a glimpse of your current, haphazard appearance—the pile of hair tied up in some kind of half-bun, half-ponytail, the ratty old t-shirt that's simply too comfortable to part with, and, you realize embarassedly, the ketchup stains and nugget crumbs plastered all over your mouth—he shakes his head. Out of habit, his free hand hovers in the air for a moment before he puts it down. Even before he shoots you a helpless look, you can tell he's wishing for the same thing.
"You should—" Gesturing at his own mouth, free of crumbs, he tries to help you out. "Mhm, you got most of them."
For a party of one, you didn't find napkins to be a necessity—so, instead, you have to make do with your oily hands. It's hardly the most elegant side you've shown him, but you also know he's seen worse. And if he can still watch you fondly, frankly, you don't think you have a need to be concerned.
With a grimace, you brush the fallen crumbs off of your lap and onto the couch. You're going to have to vacuum it, unless you want it to be teeming with ants. The thought makes you shudder.
Cael's lovely voice cuts through the horrific visions of an ant takeover and replaces them with much more pleasant imagery. "What are you thinking about?"
"Ants," you say, without skipping a beat, then laugh. "Well, that and I have a bone to pick with you."
He blinks, looking as though he's desperately trying to surpass a laugh. "Alright. What is it?"
Upon studying his expression, you find that it's rather reminiscent of the one that'd pushed you over the edge. This time—perhaps because of the way the amusement glittering in his violet eyes makes them pop—you smile softly. Laying back down on the sofa, with your head comfortably resting against the armrest, you grin and start describing your dilemma.
"The truth is, I was fishing for another compliment," you tell him, as if offering him a carefully-guarded confession.
Your voice is suitably dramatic, with a sliver of faux mournfulness coming through. Unfortunately, you're not particularly good at faking tears—so it is all you have in your arsenal.
Cael looks down at you from the phone's screen, clearly exasperated. You bring your arms down to a more comfortable position and adjust some of your bangs. With the plate of nuggets still on your lap, you can't bend your knees as you'd like. As a compromise, you cross your legs over one another.
Finally, he breaks the silence.
"I'll make up for it, but—" Your boyfriend hesitates. "Nevermind."
Even though the hamsters in your brain have started sounding the alarms, even though you're certain he's messing with you, you still fall for it—hook, line, and sinker. It leaves you incapable of saying anything beyond but.
With an elegance you might've admired at any other time, he ignores your minor break in coherency. But the smile on his face is, for all intents and purposes, a grin, genuine but unfortunately tinged with amusement, and you can't find it in yourself to be too upset. You still remember his lighthouse comment.
You wonder if he'd notice if you took a screenshot. He did say he didn't like to use his deduction abilities on you.
Humming a song you'd texted him without explanation, he begins to ask, "How would you like me to make up for—"
"But."
"I was talking about the girl in the painting," he relents finally, softly smiling at you. You like to think your glare broke him down.
But the person in the drawing...
True, you'd never specified who you were talking about. Neither had he. It really is true what they say about assumptions, you think, aware that you can't quite think of an accusation that won't backfire on you.
So, like a gaping fish—maybe one swimming in warmer weather, if your warm cheeks are any indication—you gawk at him.
"Is that surprising?" he asks.
Deliberately, you turn your head away. To make yourself feel like a productive person, you pretend you're searching for your beloved cat, who must've slinked away at some point. Then again, you're pretty sure bribery goes a long way with Beanie—and no one's better at it than Cael.
Maybe Beanie would side against you instead.
"Maybe I haven't said it enough. That you're the most beautiful person I know."
As your mind slowly registers the words, you blink. Clearly, Cael hasn't spent enough time staring at a mirror. If he'd said woman, you might've debated for a bit before folding. You might've even seized the opportunity he's presented you with immediately.
Instead, you squint at him.
Surely, he hasn't forgotten how the students of St. Shelter Academia hold his beauty in high esteem. Or the many, perhaps unnecessary, compliments to his beauty in In Passing, even after you'd returned to Godheim. Sure, he might not have registered your unsubtle crush on him back then, but surely, now—
Surely.
Maybe I'm the one who hasn't said it enough.
"That's right." You nod your head solemnly—as if you're unbothered by the thoughts running through your head—and hold up your pinky finger with a smug grin. "You should say it more. Pinky swear."
Despite the distance, he still holds up his pinky finger for you.

#fics by aya#lovebrush chronicles#lovebrush chronicles x reader#for all time#for all time x reader#cael anselm#cael anselm x reader#lbc cael#lbc cael x reader#lovebrush cael#lovebrush cael x reader#rambles from here on ->#listen i am weak to cael spoiling mc okay#i think about that one date line everyday like sir whose fault do you think that is#but other than that first cael fic WOOO#i have more. looks at wip list. but might go back to alkaid or finally start lars#because at this point ive abandoned him for cael wayyy too much#in my defense i like idiots i think they're hot when they're delusional#i promise you nothing will ever measure up to godheim cael unless he cries. then it's different
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