#goddamn put the anger you have about the appropriation aimed at the people who have a say in the matter- not those of us

[taviokapudding]

Happy Lunar New Year

I have 1 fucking wish for the year and that’s the Genshin community being nicer to content creators

Everyone who told me on tiktok in 2022, just before Scaramouche’s Irminsul archon quest, wHy WoUlD zHonGli bE wOrRieD aBouT NaHidA? ArE yOu sTuPid? when I pointed out how weird it was that he didn’t ever get involved on checking up on her despite mourning the loss of the original 7 and how important it was that he told us the traveler to pay attention to what’s happening in the world - be the one with the memory

I see you all accepting Zhongli a descender theory

You all owe me an apology; I indirectly figured it out before we got the lore about the descenders confirmed.

The absolute backlash I got after making those 2 videos prior to that plot reveal is why I stopped making Genshin inconsistency plot detail videos & why I haven’t made that Scaramouche character design video. If everyone chills out, maybe I’ll indirectly reveal the plot again beyond just writing things down on here and hoping everyone sees. {like btw I’m calling it now, Zhongli probably has a contract saying he can’t get involved in Irminsul bs because of his descender status- probably the same reason why he worked out a deal with La Signora. Imagine if the people of Liyue found out their archon was an outlander & not just an adeptus}

[dreadhaus-literature]

{A/N}

I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to aim for a 3rd OC to round out the challenge, tonight. I’m feeling a little dry on the creative front, and 2 out of 3 is respectable.

I’m also trying to teach myself I don’t have to be writing 100% of the time to be productive.

So while I decide whether or not to try and create a 3rd new OC, I figured I’d drink my coffee and come talk about some stuff.

It’s pretty common knowledge that I think a lot. I overthink, a lot. And as I’ve gotten more into fandoms again, I’m seeing the climate around things change from when I was writing for fandoms before. And this isn’t so much a rant about fandoms as it’s me...questioning my writing and if I’ll be okay, putting my stuff out there.

Y’see, we all know Tumblr’s a pretty toxic place, if you’re not in the “THIS IS OKAY TO LIKE” box, you’re gonna get death threats and shamed and...all that fun stuff. And I’ve always existed outside of that box. I like BDSM, necro, cannibalism, etc, and none of that is mainstream or “acceptable” to like. And as I’ve been paying attention and watching and just sort of...putting my ear to the wall (because I don’t participate in shit) it’s left me feeling like I shouldn’t create, because nothing I create is “okay” by the standards of people that are out there.

And it’s weird, because when I was younger I never used to give a shit. I’d write what I wanted and fuck anyone who didn’t like it. But it seems the scales have tipped so far the other way; where before people would just quietly peruse what they like and ignore what they didn’t, I feel like now they make lynch mobs and try to destroy you as a person because omg you like littlespace? How very dare.

It might have something to do with my emotional state, right now. I’m very...I don’t want to say fragile? Not because I have a problem with being fragile but more because I’m just tired, emotionally. I’ve hit this point where I’m just too tired for drama and bullshit because I’m just trying to make it to tomorrow. So the thought of creating something that I like, that I enjoy, and someone coming to scream “THIS IS WRONG AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD” at me just...does not interest me in the slightest.

Even just with creating characters, I was thinking of creating a new monster...because uhm, yaaas, but when I was doing research there’s all these folks barking and screeching about how you can’t create monsters using Native American lore because it’s wrong or how Jewish people own certain myths and you can’t use them and I just...I really didn’t want to get to a point where I’m saying people are too sensitive (because that’s the older people’s battle cry and I think sensitivity is important) but if I want to create a monster based off the wendigo...why can’t I just do that? Why is that so offensive and horrible to a group of people whom I don’t know and don’t know me? I’m not doing it to be shitty. Tbh it’s a form of respect because I think the lore is badass and I want some of that.

It reminds me how I saw a long thread (this was ages ago) about a little white girl who wanted to throw a geisha-inspired tea party and her mom did all this research and reached out to Japanese...people (I don’t recall what they did, officially) and she put on this real authentic party for her daughter and it was really respectful and there were all these people just up in arms about it, calling it appropriation and while I 10000% believe appropriation is a thing, not everything is appropriation. And if we start drawing those sorts of lines, we’re all gonna lose 97% of the shit we enjoy because it belongs to some other race or culture.

So I don’t know. Seeing all this discourse and angry shouting just adds to my “oh my god I’m old and tired” mood because I want to create all sorts of things but I’m terrified that I’m going to create something offensive without realizing it’s offensive???

The monster thing really fucking threw me.

And I know. Folks in the internet don’t own shit and I don’t owe anyone an explanation for the shit that I do. I know I’m coming from a place of respect and just trying to enjoy myself and I shouldn’t feel bad about that--I know all that. Part of my issue with seeing this sort of stuff is because I was raised to not believe my opinion or thoughts or feelings about something is worth a goddamn, which is why people say things and I nod and shut up. I’m still working on it.

Which brings me to something else that’s been tumbling around in my head--think I’m going to take a page out of Beesly’s book and try to be more assertive this year/for the rest of my life. It’s something that I’ve struggled with my whole life, for reasons that I assume are obvious, and I want to...get over that. I realize there’s lots of things I want to do and don’t because I’m too worried about what someone else may say or think or do about it and so I just...don’t. And I wind up regretting my silence or in-action and then I feel bad. And to be clear, I’m not even talking about shitty things. I mean I don’t do small things, like talk about my own likes or interests or even buying certain things because I don’t think I should, because someone else might side-eye or it might bother someone. I have always done this and I still do it and I swear to god even on my own fucking cellphone sometimes I won’t set certain characters as my wallpaper because I don’t feel like I have the right to do it.

I mean how fucking stupid is that.

But it’s a real issue and it keeps me from enjoying simple things that don’t bother anyone. And I realize I have a lot of anger and resentment built up that I need to start working on, and this type of behavior only adds to it. I feel like I have this gluttonous monster that follows me around, and has since I was a kid, and it’s just huge and gross (even for me, lol) and I keep feeding it so it sticks around. And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and the more I feed it the worse I feel because it’s constantly bothering me.

I just...I’m sure it sounds stupid but I really need my 30′s to be better than my 20′s and this new decade thing, like I either gotta pull the trigger on some change and making my life better...or really pull the trigger and be done with it. I’m stuck in places I don’t like being and I’m sick of coming back to these spaces and saying I’m stuck. How many years am I gonna do that?

Hopefully, no more years, lol.

I just have to teach myself worth, I guess. That’s the root issue of all the stuff I was just talking about. I don’t value myself enough to put my foot down about things or to just openly like something without worrying about what anyone else might think about it--and don’t get me wrong, I’ve always done my own thing and I didn’t care how off-brand it was. I like weird shit and always have; when I say openly liking something I mean not feeling like I don’t belong liking it. And the worth issue applies to my writing, too.

Because circling back to the whole, “you can’t like this because I think it’s wrong,” thing, I was reading a thread a couple days ago about how the main actor in that You show, he goes on Twitter and corrects women who like his character, and of course Tumblr is praising him and saying how you shouldn’t like his character and that behavior is toxic.

And yeah, in real life, it is. And you shouldn’t put up with anything you’re not comfortable with.

But I was reading this and thinking to myself...y’all really can’t separate fantasy from reality anymore. Y’all have just blurred that line to the point where people can’t even enjoy fake shit because you think that means they like it IRL. And it’s fucking nuts.

As someone who has existed in their own fantasy world for 30 years, I can safely say, there’s shit I enjoy in fantasy I wouldn’t IRL. I love super controlling behavior on paper but I wouldn’t be able to deal with it in a real relationship. That shit hits way too close to home--but I have control over it in my head, so it’s perfect. And that’s why fantasy is so important.

Take cannibalism. Could someone cut off my arm and eat it IRL? I mean they could, but...don’t? I need it for things.

But they can in my head, and on paper, and I enjoy reading about it. Experiencing it that way, because it’s the only safe, sane way to experience it.

I fucking love unhinged, crazy characters who are obsessive and possessive to the point of murder and I can’t enjoy that shit IRL but I’m fucking fine to fantasize about it--but everyone is out there tooting their shame horn and I just...let people enjoy things? Like why the fuck are they so pressed.

It’s like sitting down to eat at your table, in your house, with your favorite meal all nicely prepared in front of you. But you happen to look up, and see that across the street, your neighbor is eating some shit you hate. Like you can’t stand what they’re eating. But they’re in their house, and you can’t smell it, and you don’t have to eat it...yet instead of eating your own goddamn meal, you get up from the table, march across the street, and bang on your neighbor’s door to yell at them about some shit you don’t like. How dare they eat something you don’t like?

That’s what it’s like, to me. The shit I like, that I’m into, doesn’t hurt any-fucking-body, because it’s fantasy. But people will scream at the top of their fucking lungs about how it’s gross and nasty and they don’t want to see it (even though they found it, somehow) and because they hate it I’m terrible for liking it. It just...ugh. It’s such an illogical argument.

I don’t like Katy Perry. I think she’s a garbage human being who got famous because she’s “pretty” and pretended to be bisexual for a while but y’know what? I don’t give a shit about her or anyone who likes her. I don’t care, and when I say I don’t care, I mean like it doesn’t affect or bother me that anyone else is into her. She can do her, and they can do them, and I’mma do me.

But it’s borderline impossible for people to stay in their goddamn lane and it’s nuts. Like as a gay woman who grew up watching adults argue about gay marriage I remember thinking, even as a gayby, why do so many straight folks care? Like why do they give a shit who someone else is marrying? But they did. They still do.

And that’s what it reminds me of. That us younger generations love to brag about how we’re more open and progressive than our parents and grandparents and yeah, we don’t lynch people of color or keep the LGBT community closeted but if you enjoy BDSM/littlespace or god forbid ship the wrong characters together you’re probably gonna get death threats and bullied off an internet platform.

So yeah. That’s just been rattling around in my head the past few days, as I’ve been workshopping OC’s and tossing around ideas of what to write about this year. My interests have and always will be counter-culture/alternative and I always anticipate there’s going to be someone who isn’t into what I do. That’s...kinda been my label? Like I’m not “one size fits all”, lol, but beyond all the discourse and stuff it leaves me wondering what sort of audience I’ll even have.

I don’t pretend to be the only one into these sorts of things, I know there’s other weirdos out there and stuff, they’re just sitting quietly amongst all the shouting and screaming, like I am. And I guess if that’s my audience, I’ll take it. I don’t have these big aspirations of necessarily being famous (being rich would be nice because...money worries, lol, I’m way over them) but I always liked Christine’s hustle. She writes (prolifically, good god) for her fans and that’s what she’s happy doing. Doesn’t matter that she isn’t a household name, she’s got devoted fans and that is the kind of fanbase I’d like as an author. I don’t need to be liked by everyone, I just want to write and if I happen to make someone happy, well, mission accomplished.

So in the meantime, just going to keep plugging away at myself, letting 2020 be the year of change and growth. So far it’s been...I mean I think it’s gone well. I’ve finished the first writing challenge I issued myself, so there’s that!

But alas, my coffee cup is empty and it’s time for a refill.

I’ll be back soon, likely to issue and then destroy the next challenge of 2020.

[hiruma-musouka]

in defense of the Senju

So normally I’m not an argumentative person. I dislike conflict and the internet is known for being irrational when you argue alternative viewpoints.

But I’m irritated. I’m not a fan of woobies. I’m not a fan of abuse being created for drama (especially at the expense of characterization). And I’m not a fan of the trend that when two people come into conflict there is one person who is “right” and the other is often made worse to justify why people should view the “right person” as perfectly in the right, did nothing wrong, and there is no defense for the “wrong person”.

So after these three posts (A, B, C), let’s talk about the Senju family.

Let’s start with the idea that Senju Butsuma abused his family. Specifically let’s reexamine the idea there is any abuse at all. Butsuma appears in one chapter of the manga (622) at the funeral of his youngest son who has been slain by the enemy. Because - and this is important - you need to remember CONTEXT.

Naruto is not a manga about modern day morals.

Naruto is not a manga about civilians.

Naruto is a manga about a warrior society where child soldiers are the norm. It is based off of and implied to adhere to a lot of older norms. It is a violent society where children are expected to grow up to become killers and that is a point of HONOR and PRIDE and TRADITION. Children are learning their heritage by becoming shinobi. It’s not safe, but it’s not the same view of child soldiers as first world countries have in modern day.

This is not our society. You can not treat it like our morals otherwise every protagonist in the entire series should rightfully be in prison. Do you know the kind of kill streak the sannin should have? Do you know how many people Kakashi would have killed as an active assassin? The protagonists are killers and murderers and some of them torturers. If you accept them as good people, then you have to keep that in mind when you view other actions in this world.

That being said, let’s return to Butsuma.

Now I’m aware that we’re supposed to side with Hashirama over Butsuma at the villain scene because - and remember this too - Hashirama is the hero and he is telling the story of this flashback. Hashirama is the “good guy”. We are supposed to support him.

Hashirama does not like his father.

Does this automatically make Butsuma a terrible man? No. You can dislike someone else for completely valid reasons without that person being either an abuser or a villain.

Hashirama does not like his father and Hashirama shows it. “You know what happens when you mouth off to father...” Hashirama apparently frequently mouths off to his father, and this makes complete sense because Hashirama has this very obvious thing where he is convinced he is right, he does not back down his ideals, and he does what he wants. He is also pretty talented at knowing how to get reactions judging from his prodding at Madara as kids. He’s far too charismatic and persuasive not to be a talented at manipulation when he wants it.

So take that all together and it means that Hashirama intentionally says something he knows will be interpreted as disrespectful to his father at his youngest brother’s funeral. The dirt wasn’t even filled in over the coffin yet and Hashirama starts up what sounds like a sore argument going back years. He only says one line before Butsuma hits him, but if you know exactly where to aim then you only need one line in the worst family arguments.

And this is another thing people need to keep in mind when it comes to Hashirama and Butsuma’s reaction: Hashirama’s viewpoints are EXTREMELY RADICAL. Hashirama’s ideals, his mouthing off, it’s all him saying things that are completely radical, that are society changing viewpoints. I know that we are supposed to see him as obviously in the right because of our own morals, but we are not a warrior society at war. He’s not radical because he talks about peace or children not dying. He’s radical because he’s basing these things off of unification.

Nobody in the shinobi world had ever done things as Hashirama was suggestion. These are radical viewpoints. These are potentially semi-treasonous viewpoints too because they are proposing things like siding with enemies and other actions that might be the end of the Senju clan if they go poorly. Hashirama does, in fact, commit an action that the Senju clan would interpret as treasonous by meeting consorting with an enemy, and he has no regrets. In fact, he tries to persuade said enemy to his own views right in front of his father, his brother, and the enemy side.

This is the kind of son that Butsuma is accustomed to dealing with. One that from all appearances also blames Butsuma in part for actions which are necessary in their lifestyle and during a war.

So now that you have this framework, let’s look again at the only time we see Butsuma and put this all into context.

Hashirama is digging up a radical viewpoint, arguing openly, and DISRESPECTING HIS BROTHER’S FUNERAL. Hashirama intentionally started a scene at his brother’s funeral.

Do you expect Butsuma NOT to be pissed?!

Tobirama stepping in between Butsuma and Hashirama IS NOT a sign of frequent beatings.  It’s not a sign that Butsuma abuses anyone. It’s DEFINITELY not a sign that Tobirama has some sort of complex about protecting his brothers at the cost of himself and hiding bruises from abuse. This is Tobirama stepping in between his big brother who can’t keep his goddamn mouth shut and stop disrespecting their father at KAWARAMA’S FUNERAL.

This is Tobirama stepping into the middle of a family argument so that they’ll stop causing a scene in public and disrespecting the dead.

Personally I imagine that Itama was very uncomfortable at this time and that Tobirama was probably quietly pissed because Hashirama couldn’t wait one hour so that Kawarama could be properly buried before starting up his ongoing fight with their father?

How many of you have been stuck in the middle of family disputes? Families can have fights without being abusive.

And for those of you who want to say that anyone hitting a child is abusive, I will say that I don’t agree with Butsuma’s actions, but this is a society where Hashirama is likely recognized as the status of a pseudo adult with adult responsibilities and that violence is their livelihood. Ninja beat the hell out of each other in sparring for fun, I’ll remind you. Their idea of appropriate levels of violence are not going to be the same as ours.

Butsuma is disciplining his son. Specifically he is disciplining Hashirama. I would have you kindly notice that the moment that Tobirama steps in between them - after Hashirama has CONTINUED to mouth off AT THE FUNERAL - Butsuma stops immediately. He had no intention of hitting Tobirama. He had no cause to hit Tobirama. Tobirama is not the son that is intentionally mocking everything about their lifestyle and their clan and disrespecting Butsuma’s recently dead son.

Because please remember, when Butsuma reacts here, he reacts as a father who’s lost his youngest child. The boys didn’t just lose a brother. Butsuma lost a son. And he likely loved his kids because he didn’t mention Hashirama’s potential treason to the rest of the clan even if he probably should have. Anyone else hiding that sort of information about another clan member would have been in for a world of trouble.

Heightened emotions aren’t great for discipline, but Butsuma doesn’t go over the edge either. One hit, he yells at Hashirama for disrespecting Kawarama, he starts walking away, Hashirama starts mouthing off again, Butsuma tries to stay calm, disrespect continues, and then he goes back to further discipline Hashirama in anger.

Now speaking of OUR idea of appropriate discipline and how it shouldn’t have included hitting anyone... well. Do I need to remind the internet that there are still arguments over that today? Do you spank your kid or not? Is it appropriate to use a belt? For the love of fudge brownies, physical punishment is absolutely legal in large sections of modern society so long as the force involved is “reasonable”. How many of us got our butts smacked if we continued to disobey in extreme ways?

It is taking things out of context, ignoring the underpinnings of what’s going on, and doing a disservice to all the characters involved to get caught up in making someone a righteous hero or a victim that we can cuddle and be sad over or in making a parent abusive simply because he and his eldest son continually butt heads and we, as a reader, potentially don’t agree with his parenting from a modern viewpoint.

And lastly, please don’t turn Tobirama into a woobie who needs to be saved! This is one of the most badass and overpowered characters in the series with a ruthless mindset and a strong will and a least some grasp of politics. Hashirama is disrespecting their father, the head of their clan, in the middle of their brother’s funeral, about political matters and ideology, and he’s doing so within potential earshot of the rest of their kin who can see that the clan head’s first son and presumed heir has no respect, is dangerously radical, and apparently doesn’t even care to be quiet in respect for their dead. Hashirama might be too caught up in his own grief and anger and opinions on what should never have happened and what should be done to think about these things and the scene he was causing (if he would have cared anyway), but Tobirama seems to suppress grief as he copes - he probably noticed it just fine.

Butsuma can be more than a negative force. Hashirama can be more than the obviously correct idealist. And Tobirama is an awesome character who doesn’t need to take abuse or be a poor baby to be loved by the fandom.

So please consider these things and thank you for reading this.