#goddamn next week i'm gonna fucking die aren't i

[paradoxikalli]

That feeling when you find out about the RWBY Volume 9 premiere almost a week after it comes out

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

in other news we continue clowning for Astarion and letting him drink from us

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Right so I don't know what or who to believe anymore in this goddamn game

I say goddamn but I still love it don't get me wrong

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mum come pick me up i'm scared

now tell me why tf did i rush here with no spell slots left

yeah we're fucked, reload 💀

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i may be a monster

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I'm starting to get a headache but I wanna keep playing 🥴

Hyperfocus this, hyperfocus that, what about "I'm fully aware I should be doing something else or else I will suffer greatly but I can't stop and it's worth the pain" kinda focus

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*You notice the blood's source* *Astarion approves* okay thanks??? 😂

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"Can you imagine dressing entirely in red?" I'm not saving your ass when I create Ross for my next playthrough smh

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I felt really really really bad about this and thought I was making a big mistake (I probably was 💀) but seeing only 7 % of players unlocked this? Yeah that's cool. Or maybe not. Idk I feel bad 💀

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Trying to take down the bitch evil vampire again

Am I struggling? Mayhaps

We are Fucked™ lmao (that's a lmao of big pain not lmao of this is hilarious)

Alright let's try again

How do y'all not get attached and just play and stay cool because it's just a game. I'm 👌 this close to ugly rage crying lol stop being mean to my boy leave him alone stay away from him get a job

Not now duo dammit

...fuck

Yeah no I'm reloading and I'm just gonna fuck around the city a bit, I can't do this rn 💀

Okay so the strategy of 1) just go there 2) try not to die is not working too well in the big fights in act 3 for me 💀 oh well I'll try harder I guess

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they need a pair of glasses smh

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So I'm seriously considering throwing 2 weeks of gameplay in the trash just to get a better shot at a romance but…now I'm thinking about some tedious parts and ehhh 🫠

Is he worth it? He is worth it. Right?

Lmao I don't remember the last time a fictional character had a grasp on me like that. It's rather embarrassing really 💀 I'm too old to act like this aren't I 💀

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Actually considering how bad today has been, reloading that far will probably Fix Me™ so I'm doing that right after a little afterwork nap

And if it turns out to be pointless or a bad idea I can always just switch back to the furthest point in the storyline I got, I won't overwrite that save

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Sacrificing about 42 hours of gameplay 🫡 it's been an honor but I need the vampire's love more than oxygen. Reloading now 🫡

And I'm making sure to actually finish some quests I didn't the first time *cough* the shadow curse *cough*

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I put him in Karlach's clothes...for science

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HELP I'VE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR FIVE MINUTES NOW

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I need to pickpocket people more. In the game I mean. Every time I succeed, I get a good giggle out of it 🤭

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organ rearranger you say...can i...can i say something...

Okay we're all adults here right I can say it. Minors look away this isn't a safe space for you

Well let's just say I stole this for someone and he can rearrange my organs anytime okay byeeeeeeee

Well technically he stole it himself I just giggled with my finger ready on f8 in case things go badly 🤭

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Okay so I just found that one reason why some things weren't going well for me was simply because I don't long rest enough in the game 💀

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Me when I first started playing bg3: I hope there's a way to avoid a lot of combat, I hope I'll be able to just talk my way through Me now: woooo slaughter!! 😗

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Nooo I was like "wooo yeah cutscene finally!!! is it happening?? are we so back???? we're so back amirite" and it's this guy 😭😭 (with all due respect i was hoping for something else 💀)

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and it's only gonna get worse

let's goooooo

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Does this game hate me or what

It's so joever it's so joever I'm just not getting any cutscenes in the camp lmao

My negative rizz is so strong not even videogame characters want me

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You know what? I get her

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WAIT HOLD WE ARE SO BACK

I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS *incoherent screaming*

I truly am the embodiment of this meme

I'm not even trying to scream anymore my voice is dead

I can't believe this actually happened so now I'm pretty much spamming the kiss, ignoring everything else

"I play for the plot" she said 🤭

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my game crashed, good thing I save every five seconds otherwise I'd think about jumping off of very tall somethings

okay i actually lost like zero progress, jfc blessed day

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Zeph you're standing way too close lol

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"I'm gonna speedrun the parts I've been through about a week ago," she said, failing to realize she's not a good runner

There's no such thing as speedrunning this game lol. I just want to do everything always. Fight everything and open every crate and loot everyone 🤭

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back to act 3 we go now that i've righted my wrongs 😌😌

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wise words from daddy, wise words indeed

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buddy you have one job

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...okay?

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"watch out for anyone acting STRANGELY" said by the guy who tries to suck your blood on like the first night of camping together but ok love whatever you say 💀

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[kindlyre]

okay so like this is going to be EXTREMELY long but its not hostile at all (and i'm the guy who did those tags, that was my main blog and this is my dangan sideblog) im just saying Why i left those tags and What i think of v3

and im saying all this because i like v3, i really do! i just wish it was better!

im gonna touch on the localization stuff first: they changed some of kokichi's lines that sort of, removed his more "soft" moments (for lack of a better word) and gave him depth?

like, there was this one time in one of the trials where kaito calls him naive, and ouma just insults him back and laughs at him or whatever

but in the original, kaito called him iirc "pure?" and ouma says something along the lines of "no one's ever referred to me like that before..." with the implication being he's more stunned, possibly even touched, that someone referred to him with such an "innocent" term

but thats nothing compared to gonta. the localization and honestly the game itself did gonta so goddamn dirty. in the og, he doesnt have tarzan speak!! he spoke in the third person yeah, but so did a few other characters- it gives a sort of, childish connotation in japanese, but the tarzan speak thing in the eng localization completely undermines his character and makes him look way dumber than he actually is, making him seem like he has little to no agency in the story

did you know that gonta actually KNEW that ouma's plan was to get everyone to have a motive video viewing party? and that he was only mad at ouma for lying and saying that he liked bugs, and he was In On It wrt the motive video viewing party?

yeah you literally cant know this unless you go do gonta's free time event when they're in gonta's lab scheming together. why was this CRUCIAL bit of information for character motivations sequestered like this. why did they do that. why. there is so much goddamn discourse over wether or not ouma manipulated gonta and if this scene was like, a little easier to get to, i wouldnt have to get it beamed into my eyeballs so much that i put a fucking manifesto as my blog title and bio

it looks crazy but ive been driven crazy. ive been here since 2016, since before this blog existed. i predate v3. help me

anyway thats JUST the localization issues and that one scene being hard to access. but i'll get on with the rest of it

and i just want to say: in a vaccum, v3 is quite good! it's not a godawful game, the characters are entertaining, it definitely has a good skeleton

but like, to see exactly why i think this game is not up to par- play v3 and sdr2 in tandem. spend one night on v3, one night on sdr2, the next on v3, or switch every few hours, however it appeals to you. but play them side-by-side

You Will Notice. Some Things.

FOR ONE: the days in sdr2 are just... longer. there's more stuff in them, more story. there's a lot that's missing from v3 and as such it feels empty

no one mourns the dead. shuichi mourns kaede but that's it for the whole game, until chapter 6 where he says that it's been horrible watching his friends die every week

in sdr2, here's how it worked in a story structure sense: the investigation itself was for mourning the victim, the trial was the Fun Part where nobody is mourned, really, and the focus is on finding the blackened, and the post-trial epilogue and is when we mourned the blackened

in v3.... the victims..... aren't mourned.

at all.

the blackends are, at the end of the trials, but only at the end of the trials.

in sdr2, hiyoko makes a memorial for mahiru using her photos. soda and nakomaru tie komaeda up because he manipulated teruteru into killing. byakuya was like, the main character of chapter 1 and had a prominent role before he was killed, meaning we saw a lot of him and ergo got close to him and mourned him. hajime was disturbed seeing his body. fuyuhiko talks about peko and how much he misses her. hajime mourns, he talks about the dead....

all of that is missing in v3

they're dead, and then they're gone.

rantaro as the first dead was a character with a lot of potential (WE WILL GET TO RANTARO.) but he didn't really have a prominent role at all. he was just another face in the crowd, until he wasn't. the only reason you'd mourn his death is if he was your favorite- byakuya in sdr2 was not my favorite (fuyuhiko my beloved and komaeda my beloved) but i still felt something when he died simply because of how prominent he was!

kaede as the protagonist, yeah her death had weight

we didnt get to know ryoma at all, or kirumi. or tenko or angie. et cetera

SPEAKING OF THE CHARACTERS.

so, broadly, there are two categories a character can fall in: active and reactive characters

active characters act on their own, without outside stimuli. reactive characters will just do nothing but go about their daily lives until something spurs them into action

all of sdr2's characters are on some level active.

most of v3's characters are reactive. you do not want this in a mystery game.

in sdr2, everyone was talking about escaping, all the time. in v3 they all give up after the first chapter

in sdr2, everyone tried to stay united no matter what happened because they all understood that this was an extreme circumstance, and that the real enemy was monokuma. fucking- fuyuhiko committed a proxy murder, basically, and he was still welcome in the group! because they understood that he was under extreme emotion and that not only his talent played a part in his reaction, but they were all trapped and cornered and being psychologically tormented and that thats why he did what he did! like, there was tension at first.... and fuyuhiko attempted seppuku.... but he was accepted and at least hajime did try, even if hiyoko was still angry at him

in v3 monokuma just straight up joins in the fifth trial and the characters just Let Him? he's supposed to be their enemy!

in sdr2, every character had a purpose. some of those purposes were pretty weak, yeah, but they were like... there. teruteru as the Funny Pervert got old fast, and that's probably why he died really early on, and they did manage to give him like, actual pathos. akane as the Funny Comic Relief Food One got oldddd but she's kind of the weakest out of the characters that survive. soda also, but at least he did stuff like make the transmitter in chapter 3 or fix the elevator in chapter 4, so he wasn't just the Funny Simp One, he did stuff

like, let me ask this: from a story perspective, i.e. their impact on how the plot moved forward, disregarding trials because everyone speaks in those....

what did himiko do. or tenko. tenko straight up didnt do ANYTHING for the greater plot. what did kirumi do? or ryoma? did we really feel the betrayal of tsumugi being the mastermind? we didn't know her!! what did angie do outside of chapter 3, and even then, the student council thing is over before it starts (because v3 days have less ssssssssstuff in them) korekiyo is just There until he reveals that he's fucking his sister and then dies.

none of these motherfuckers are active characters. no one is trying to escape, everyone is playing along. shuichi isn't even very active and he's our PROTAGONIST! he just kind of.... takes it

and that wouldve been interesting, to see someone who just takes it up the ass slowly blossom into being more confident, not letting monokuma railroad him in trials PERCHANCE. and i know shuichi did do that, he got more confident, but he still doesn't even TRY to escape, he's never suspicious of the flashback lights, always assumes ouma's malice is the real thing and everything else is the lie (when really, it was the other way goddamn round)

and like. he's the ULTIMATE DETECTIVE! HE SHOULD BE DOING THIS SHIT!!

the only truly active characters, that actually act on their own and Do Stuff that impacts the plot outside of dying and killing someone...

are kokichi and rantaro.

and rantaro dies in chapter one.

this is, in clinical terms, not good.

chapters 4 and 5 are REALLY good, because ouma does shit and actually impacts the plot and it makes the other characters also be active for once

but the whole rest of the game is like, ouma is doing everything to try and figure everything out, and everyone else is just kind of going thru the motions and treating him with komaeda level ostricization when, at that point in the game, he'd done nothing to warrant it

and at the end of chapter 4, when gonta says that he doesn't want anyone to be mad at kokichi and wants everyone to get along, the whole cast writes him off as a naive idiot and completely disregards his final wishes, which makes sense narratively, but not even shuichi, the ultimate. detective. stops and thinks that maybe something is a bit wrong here

rantaro is just a whole ball of wasted potential sorry. he was the second most interesting character in the game, puzzling things out on his own and doing his best to survive. he was cool and mysterious and smart and he's the first to die and i dont CARE if monokuma ~lampshaded~ it later and was mad at tsumugi for killing him so early, it just means that they KNEW it was a shit idea and then did it anyway!

like. i really like rantaro's secrets being unveiled posthumously. but he shouldve at least died in chapter two, so we got some more time with him. or at least was extremely prominent in chapter one, like byakuya was. but neither happened and what we ended up with was the one active character trying to escape getting fucking shot putted before he has the chance to do literally anything

and maybe it wouldve worked if everyone wasnt so egregiously reactive? the trick with kaede was cool but the game was so focused on that that they forgot to mourn rantaro or like give the audience enough time with him to care when he died. and maybe the "died first, important later" thing COULD have worked if he wasnt one of two active characters!!!!

(most of them are active in chapter 5 ill give them that. but like.... just 5)

and after all this.... the ending. the idea of the ending is kind of good. but the same people that made the ending made the rest of the fucking game and that does not bode well

the ending is.... how do i put this..... imagine a 26 year old that still proudly identifies as an "antishipper." imagine the extremely myopic view this person would have on the relationship between fiction and reality

now imagine this person was in charge of writing a game.

that's what the ending is like.

in the game, the narrative is that "danganronpa" was a video game that got so popular that it turned into an irl reality show, which is the exact kind of myopic "WELL, YOU LIKE THE BAD THING IN FICTION, SO YOU'D CHEER FOR IT IRL, RIGHT? RIGHT??? ITS TOTALLY THE SAME THING!!!" view your bog standard antishipper would have. it's just not very good, imo

in sdr2, they pulled off the "its all fake~!" thing a LOT better, the two endings are strikingly similar and yeah just play them in tandem and you might see what im talking about, because i loved v3 (still do!) but when i played it and sdr2 in tandem i realized ah..... sdr2 is way better in quality....

i like the ambiguous ending in v3, it ties to the "truth and lies" thing nicely, but its like.... again, the same people that wrote that wrote the rest of the game

and there are some hints that it's televised in some way (the characters refer to the blood as "red," monokuma refers to it as "pink," i.e. the pink blood is a tv censor and the characters are seeing the true red) but not really anything else

and it feels less like a "keeping things ambiguous" thing and more like a "they forgot to put details in their game" thing

which i wouldnt think if it were not for the fact that sdr2 is extremely detailed (they remember mealtimes and remember to write in hajime's narration that everyone is eating, which pays off WELL in chapter 4 with the funhouse) and v3 forgot that their characters have to do stuff

also the Things in the v3 chapters just dont have as much weight to them like in sdr2? everyone was talking abt twilight syndrome murder case, the despair disease split everyone up (and soda got to use his talent by making that transmitter) (THATS ANOTHER THING no one in v3 uses their talents for the most part or acknowledges others' talents), the funhouse was a multi-day ordeal, and everyone was involved in chapter 5's Stopping The Rival and the leadup to the now-standard Chapter Five Extremely Cruel And Unusual Rival Death

the magic show in v3's second chapter was kind of being prepped in the background and shuichi had nothing to do with it, and its only purpose was a distraction. the motive videos were kind of there and only useful for the insect meet and greet and then the trial itself. the student council in chapter 3 wasn't around for long and didn't do anything, we only spent a day in chapter 4's virtural world as opposed to the three in sdr2, chapter 5 was good tho chapter 5 can stay. kaito being missing and shuichi being despondent over the secret of the outside world was good and had weight bc we spent a good chunk of chapter 4 hanging out w kaito and seeing him be cute and stuff. we were invested and now he's gone!

and also smaller details like blackends in sdr2 being suspicious before/during the trials, there were actual clues that something was wrong (teruteru lying about the meat skewers, peko being wet, mikan being hot when laying on hajime (i.e. feverish,) we SAW gundham in the room with the alarm clock; there were enough clues to put it together before it was revealed in the trial

i love v3 and i'm so upset about it because i love v3 and i love danganronpa- i sunk a lot of time into this game and the ending seemed spiteful that i even like the game. it was seemingly a critique on fan culture but written by someone with the most condescending, myopic lens on what fan culture actually is

v3's commentary on fan culture was written by the same person who wrote hifumi yamada as the ultimate fanfic writer and it shows

anyway u h . i am very sorry for leaving a fucking THESIS on your innocent question about my tags. but that's why i think that

I have come to realize that, to me, one of the worst crimes a piece of fiction can commit is being mean-spirited. Just about anything else can be good in certain circumstances. But a mean-spirited work diminishes anyone who encounters it.

[flamingbluepanda]

1 and 74

1. Juvie (AU) / 74. Mutual Pining / slow burn

Ohhhhhhhhh boy

~

There's a sort of... Peace to it, really. To realizing you have a massive fucking crush on your stupid cellie/red headed annoyance/ possible best friend who you only say is possibly your best friend because you've never had a best friend and aren't exactly sure what the hell it's supposed to feel like when you do.

Ian Gallagher is too good for this place, you'd known that since day one. He was in on "accomplice to grand theft auto", after taking the fall for his older brother, who was "way too smart for this fucked up place" according to Ian.

He told you that day one, like this is fucking summer camp and you were playing the get to know you game. You knew immediately that this kid was going to get himself shived, and you'd mentally said good fucking riddance.

Seriously, he's a terrible cellie, and anyone else would've just done the damn shiving already. He talks too much and he worries about shit like cleaning the cell and washing behind his ears, he reads all the goddamn time, and you had the unfortunate honor of falling in love with him, so you couldn't even hate him for being such a smart ass.

Ian wormed his way under your skin like the red death from that stupidly funny movie they put on the other night, and you'd protected him for the last two months.

Now he was leaving, and you'd never see him again anyway.

Which is how you ended up fucking here.

Before you went to juvie (not this time, the first time, for possession with intent to sell), your dad had practically ordered you not to get stabbed. Milkovich men die in shootouts, bar fights, or prison he'd said. Only pussies get stabbed in juvie.

Well, pussies and gay kids so deep in the closet that when they see the shiv coming for their stupid stupid stupid piece of shit crush, they jump in front of the fucking shiv.

You're released back to your cell with five stitches in your side and a new found level of respect thrown your way. No one even looks you in the eye as you trudge your way back between two guards.

Ian is gone already, released while you were in the infirmary. You didn't even get to say goodbye.

Figuring you've had a bad enough day, you grab your pillow and sleep on his bunk that night.

~~

They don't give you a new cellie for the next week, and no one talks to you the entre time. Even the gang of assholes you were maybe sorta friends with don't look at you anymore.

What the fuck ever. You rehab your side, take your painkillers and antibiotics, read a book Ian left in the cell. You're good. You're good.

After a week, the cell opens.

Ian is walked in, a mostly healed bruise on his cheek, and you feel a stab of anger.

"the fuck are you doing here!?" You demand, "you got out! You're so fucking desperate to get stabbed that you got yourself thrown back in here!?"

Ian looks at you funny. "I never left."

And- fucking what?

"the fuck you mean you never left?"

"I was in solitary," Ian shrugged, like it was nothing, like being in solitary confinement wasn't a step below fucking torture, especially for an extrovert like Ian.

"for fucking what!?"

"beat up the guy who stabbed you?" Ian cocked his head to the side. "did you not know that?"

"No, Ian, I did not fucking know that!" You shout. "You were like three hours from release, why the fuck would you do that!?"

"He stabbed you," Ian says, like this logic makes perfect sense.

"the fuck do you care for," you hiss, "I don't know what kind of fucked up guilt complex you have, but-"

"no guilt," Ian says easily. "I just didn't like that he stabbed you. Don't like anyone who hurts you, really."

And... Well...

You've felt him staring at your scars. Saw the way he went tense and quiet when you told him they were from your dad.

"Gallagher," you start, exhasperated, and then, "Ian-"

"I'm not gonna apologize for it," Ian shrugged. "So. Sorry."

"your a fucking idiot," you say, unable to stop the elation flooding your chest. "A fucking moron, come here."

He smiles like he's been waiting for you to ask.

There's a whole lot of peace that comes from kissing your future husband, even if you have a lot of steps to work through before you get there, even if your too afraid to think of him like that now.

"my release day and yours should be pretty close," he tells you after fucking you within an inch of your life that night, "I already called Fiona and told her about how shitty your dad is. You can come stay with us if you contribute to the house."

"Fucking moron," you mumble, all tender and sappy, with a smile on your face and love in your heart.

Maybe your too good for this place too.

[y0itsbri]

gallavich week 2021 - day 7 - meet ugly

thank you to @ianandmickeygallavich for the inspo // @gallavichthings

Prompt: Ian and Mickey are neighbors in an apartment complex. They haven’t ever interacted, but one day they get stuck the elevator. One of them doesn’t like confined spaces but doesn’t share this so the other one assumes he is freaking out for no reason.

Words: 3.5k

--

"I'm going out tonight, dickbreath!" Mandy announced, popping her head out of the bathroom. She was wearing a short sequined dress, fitted tightly to her body and only halfway zipped up so it slipped part way down her shoulders.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't!" Mickey called from his recliner in the living room with an Old Style in hand. Work has been absolutely kicking his ass this week and he wanted nothing more than a chill night in.

"Oh, c'mon, now that's no fun. You don't do anything," she accused.

"That's not true!" Mickey grumbled, remote in hand and flicking past some news channels onto some good shit -- finally. Rerun of Jurassic Park.

"What're your plans for the evening then, hot shot?" Mandy teased as she applied yet another layer of mascara on her already blackened eyelashes, "Dinosaur movies all night?"

"Might go to the corner store for some smokes."

"Please get something to eat while you're at it. We have like nothing in here." She waltzed to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door and grimaced. He could admit that a grocery run was, in fact, long overdue.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Serious, Mick." Mandy gave him the look. The Look being the same Look that his mother used to give him when he was being a little shit.

Fine. "Got it. I'll eat something." She smiled at that.

"Thank youuu," Mandy dragged the word out as she leaned over to kiss his forehead.

"Gross."

"Ditto. Zip me up?"

--

Mandy had headed out awhile ago -- long enough ago that Mickey was now halfway through his second 'dinosaur movie.' He should really visit his dinosaur guy again soon, he's probably got some cool new shit. Mickey sighed and got up, idling over to the kitchen.

He downed a full glass of water and opened the fridge. Yeah, unless he wanted to eat a pickle with ketchup and beer, he needed to go out. He debated ordering in, but he needed to go to the corner store anyways. Two birds one stone kind of situation.

Mickey threw on his favorite pair of sweatpants and his Davie Bowie tee shirt with the sleeves cut off. It was a good shirt. Mickey thought Bowie was hot -- fuckin' alien-looking, but hot, nonetheless.

Mickey shoved his wallet and phone in his pockets and locked up his apartment. Maybe Ernie would have the good roast beef sandwiches today.

His thoughts about dinner plans subsided as he noticed the guy waiting for the elevator.

Mickey had seen the ginger around. He was hard to miss -- fuckin' tall, always going out for runs early in the morning in short shorts and coming back all sweaty, always had a million fucking people coming and going from his apartment. They lived on opposite ends of the hall, but Mickey had never actually spoken to him before.

Mandy had given her brother lots of shit for acting so goddamn unapproachable and that's why he has no friends. Mickey didn't want to be friends with everyone, but he wouldn't mind spending some time with the hot red-head down the hall... eventually.

But he was waiting for the elevator with him right now. He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact in fear that it would lead to small talk which would then lead Mickey to inevitably embarrass himself. He couldn't blow his shot. Mandy did the small talk, not him. He took out his phone and scrolled through Instagram even though none of the photos were loading.

He hardly looked up when the elevator arrived and he stepped into it, leaving plenty of space between the two of them. Maybe it was an unreasonable amount of space, but it still wasn't enough for Mickey. He could still smell the guy's cologne. And it was infuriatingly attractive.

"Ground floor?" The man's voice practically sent heat down Mickey's spine. This was going to be a long ride.

"Uh, yeah." Nice, Mick. Not embarrassing at all.

"Great." It hung in the air, a tinge of awkwardness to it.

Out of the corner of his eye Mickey could see the the man leaning against the elevator wall, crossing his ankles as he not-so-subtly stared Mickey's direction.

Mickey was running out of things to check on the his phone and he was about to give in and finally make eye contact when he felt a shift. Then an ungodly clanging of metal. And a stop.

Fuck.

He glanced up at the dial. Sure enough they were stopped between floors, and not at all near the ground.

"The fuck?"

"What?" The red-head locked confused eyes with Mickey's.

"We're stopped. Why the fuck are we stopped?"

"Hm," The guy poked around at the open doors button and nothing happened. "I don't know."

All hopes of positive small talk was out the window as Mickey went into full panic mode. He did not like small, confined spaces -- which happened to be exactly what his current predicament entailed.

"You open the doors!" Mickey practically shrieked.

"Why me!?" The attractive guy spit back.

"You work out and shit -- do I look like I could pry those fuckers apart?"

"Well..." The red-head took a moment to size up Mickey's smaller form. "Yes, you do actually- but these doors are heavy as fuck. We don't have like super strength."

"Fuck you."

"Uh, fuck me!?"

"Yeah, fuck you. Not even tryin' and now we're both going to fuckin' die in here. Any last words, Red?"

He rolled his eyes. "We're not going to die. Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"

"Don't you think you're being a little too calm considering we're stuck?"

"Oh. You're freaking out."

"No shit I'm freaking out, Sherlock." Mickey ran his hands down his face. This was not fucking happening to him right now.

"Hey, take deep breaths."

"Can't. Gonna die." Mickey gasped.

"Well, if you can't breathe, you're definitely going to pass out."

Mickey shot him panicked eyes.

"Hey, hey it's okay. Just look at me."

Mickey could do that.

"Copy me. In-" He inhaled, chest expanding.

"Out-" Mickey felt his breath on his face. In any circumstance, a stranger breathing on him would warrant a punch in the gut, but now it was more grounding than anything else. They repeated that motion a few times.

"Good. See, you can breath."

"What are you? A fuckin' doctor?" Mickey huffed a laugh in disbelief.

"Been to enough," he chuckled.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. But, uh- look, see, I'll hit the emergency button and someone will come get us soon. It'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive. Got stuck in one of these with my sister when I was little, kinda scary at first but we were out in practically no time. She sang to me to pass the time, but I take it you don't want me to sing to you?"

That earned a full-bellied laugh from Mickey, "Not yet."

The man grinned goofily like a golden retriever.

They were silent for a moment.

"So, uh, what's your name?" The red-head asked, gazing curiously at Mickey.

Mickey just stared back at him.

"Your name?" He repeated gently.

"Mickey."

"Mickey," He said it so soft like a prayer. "I like it. I'm Ian."

He had no idea what he expected, but it wasn't Ian. Ian was fitting, though. Ian was good.

--

Ian had hit the emergency button a few times for good measure while Mickey had tried to call Mandy to no success. They settled onto the floor, leaning against opposite walls, feet nearly colliding in the center. Neither made a move to completely avoid that.

After Mickey had calmed down a bit, they fell into bouts of comfortable conversation and comfortable silence.

"I thought you just hated me." Ian mumbled after a bit.

"What I hate is being trapped here." Mickey stared at the walls threatening to enclose around them. He closed his eyes so he didn't start to panic again.

"Even before this."

"Oh?" That was news to Mickey. That was never his intent.

"Yeah, I always see you around, but you never seem to see me." Ian looked to the ground when he said it.

"I've seen ya plenty. You're the dork with the short ass shorts."

Ian smirked, "I guess I am."

"Hard to miss, man."

"You too. I've wanted to say hi for like months, but you always looked like you were ready to snap me in half or something. I kinda like my limbs in tact."

Mickey swiped his thumb against his nose and sniffed, embarrassed, "Sister says I scare everyone away. Used to be a good thing."

"Sister... wait, wait, wait, hold up. You're Mandy's brother, aren't you?"

"You know Mandy? Oh god, you're not banging her, are you?" That would throw a wrench in his plans.

"Oh god, no!" Ian threw his hands up in a mock surrender like that was the most repulsive thing he's ever heard.

"Something wrong with my sister?" Mickey grew defensive. She may be a lot to handle at times, but she was still his sister.

"No, no, she's great! 'm just not into... well, uh- I'm- let's just say that if you had a brother, maybe I'd be banging him." He grimaced.

Watching Ian stumble over his words after being so confident about everything else was a bit amusing.

"Oh -- cool." Mickey wasn't used to such obvious disclosures about sexuality with strangers.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Mickey avoided all eye contact.

"So?"

Ian paused until Mickey was able to look at him again.

"So, what?"

"Do you have any brothers?" A playful flicker in Ian's eyes made it obvious that he was just being a little shit now.

"You're an idiot."

"Maybe so, but that doesn't answer my question still."

"Yeah, I have brothers, but they'd uh- let's just say definitely not be into that."

"And you're... not not into that?"

Mickey rolled his eyes. His lack of denial was basically a confession and they both knew it.

Ian smirked and knocked the toes of their shoes together.

--

Help announced itself to be coming soon over the tiny intercom embedded in the elevator. Sometime shortly after that, Ian had made his way over to the wall next to Mickey's, rather than across.

"Where were you going tonight?" Ian asked, turning to fully face Mickey.

"Nowhere." Nowhere interesting at least.

"Really? So you just take an elevator down to nowhere?"

"Alright, smart ass, I needed to get dinner. Gonna be a late dinner now that's for sure, fuckin' starving."

"Shit."

"What about you? Got a hot date or something?" Mickey eyed him up and down. Ian's outfit wasn't fancy by any means, but he still looked damn good in it.

"Oh, I wish," he winked, "Just going on a walk to clear my head. But this is working just as well."

"Good for you, man. My head is fuller than ever."

"What're you thinking about?" Ian's heavy breath practically bounced off his face. His gaze flickered to Ian's pouting lips. This was ridiculous.

Kissing you. Kissing you. Kissing you. "Nothing."

"Riiiight." Ian's eyes mimicked the same trail that Mickey's had just followed.

"Yup."

Ian scooted closer to Mickey and he swore his heart was beating so loud that even Ian could hear it. If he could, he made no indication. Instead, he eyed Mickey's hand resting on the floor. Gently, careful not to spook him, he caressed Mickey's fingers, nearing his tattooed knuckles.

Mickey fought the urge to yank his hand away. No one ever touched him so delicately, so sweetly. He figured that Ian would have guessed that, seeing his crude tattoos, but he wasn't acting like this was strange. So Mickey let him.

"Fuckin' hate them." Mickey murmured, watching Ian's fingertips tracing over the back of his hand.

Ian frowned.

"The tattoos."

"They're you. I'm sure they have a story."

"Wish I could forget it."

"If it makes you feel any better, I have a pair of tits on my shoulder."

"Ex-fucking-cuse me?!" Mickey pictured literal tits growing out of the man's back.

"Here, look," Ian turned, pulling his shirt up, revealing an insanely toned and insanely freckled back. Surely he was not about to be flashed in an elevator. But sure enough, tattooed on his shoulder was a pair of double-D's.

"Shit! Dude, what the fuck is up with that?" Mickey laughed.

Yeah, this made him feel better. At least he didn't have fucking titties tattooed on his knuckles, though he was sure someone in his family must have something like that. They're fucking idiots like that. Like Ian, apparently. But Ian was good.

"It was supposed to be my mom." Ian winced, pulling his shirt back down to cover it again.

"Mom must've been a banger." Mickey joked, still hardly containing his laughter.

"Ugh," Ian groaned dramatically. "Never gonna live that one down."

He threw his hands back on the ground, near Mickey's but not touching this time.

Experimentally and slowly, so slowly, Mickey hooked his fingers with Ian's and rubbed his thumb against Ian's hand. It was calloused, but so soft. It was a movement so gentle he hardly recognized himself, completely contradictory to the message literally written across his hands.

He was practically holding hands with a man in an elevator. Oh, if dear dad could see him now.

Moving out of his hell house with Mandy had been a good step, but it had taken Mickey years to unlearn his self-hate, allow himself to be. He still wasn't perfect, and he still felt years behind. But with Ian, it felt normal. It felt right and warm.

Right then, he felt the elevator shift again. He tightened his grip on Ian's hand. Ian returned the hold. If he was going to die, at least he wasn't going to die alone.

Mickey realized that they weren't falling down, but rather moving upwards.

They released their hands and leapt up to their feet as the door dinged open, revealing a small staff of maintenance personnel, not looking at all concerned that two men had just been trapped inside for an unspecified amount of time.

"Fuckin' finally!" Mickey ran out. He resisted the urge to drop to the floor and kiss the ground. He was dramatic, but he wasn't that dramatic.

Ian thanked the maintenance people then hurried along beside Mickey. They weren't on their floor, but they sure as hell weren't about to take the elevator again after all that.

"Hey, Mickey, wanna come back to my place? I think I still have some leftover lasagna if you're still hungry."

Mickey checked the time. Yeah, Ernie's place was definitely closed by now. Plus he really did just want to go back to Ian's. He glanced up to see Ian in almost full puppy-dog eyes. The dork was needlessly persuasive, he'd give him that.

"Yeah, sure. I could eat." He grinned like an idiot.

Ian nodded his head towards the stairwell, holding the door open for Mickey, who obediently followed up the steps.

--

Ian's apartment wasn't too different than Mickey and Mandy's, mirrored and maybe smaller, but it looked oddly inviting and definitely way more lived in -- almost too much décor and family photos hung up around the space.

"Uh, make yourself comfortable," Ian called as he rummaged through the cabinets, grabbing a couple plates to reheat some food for Mickey and himself.

Mickey was no stranger to feigning confidence in unfamiliar locations, but this felt different, more genuine. He actually respected Ian, the man having been kind and patient with him in a less than ideal situation.

He sat himself on the barstool at Ian's countertop and watched him. The gorgeous man who he had been eyeing in secret for months, who had helped him through a small panic attack, who had held his hand and traced his tattoos like they were art. Like Mickey was art.

"So, Bowie, huh?" Ian leaned against the counter, waiting out the timer on the microwave.

"What?"

"Your shirt," he pointed, and Mickey looked down.

"Oh, yeah. He's cool as fuck. Dope music."

"Got great hair, too."

"You would think so."

"Self-love, baby."

"Good for you." But there was no edge in his voice.

Ian smiled. The microwave beeped and they settled in, eating together with nothing but the awkward clanging of silverware and chewing. Mickey was too fucking starving and too fucking tired to care about formalities to give a shit at this point.

"Bet you didn't think you'd spend your night eating lasagna with a David Bowie look-alike, huh?" Ian teased over a mouthful of pasta.

"You wish, man."

"Hey, it's at least a little true."

"Yeah, you're both fuckin' aliens."

"Maybe so, but at least we're hot."

They both smiled around their forks, glancing over at each other a little too frequently with nothing but fondness.

--

Ian collected their plates when they were done, taking them over to the sink to wash them later. Mickey got up and followed him into the center of the kitchen, still sipping on his beer before setting it on the counter to his right.

In a move that shocked Ian, and even himself, Mickey moved into Ian's space and pressed his chest against Ian's back. He wrapped his arms around Ian's waist, feeling up the plains and softness of his stomach, feeling his breath hitch and his heart beat faster. Mickey's warm breath bounced off of Ian's neck and back onto his own face.

Ian sighed and placed his hands over Mickey's again. He leaned his head back onto Mickey's shoulder for a moment before wiggling free from Mickey's grip enough to turn around and face him, carding one of his hands through Mickey's dark hair.

"Mickey." He said it so soft. With so much admiration. Mickey couldn't take it anymore. He leaned up and pulled Ian's head down so they were the same height.

"Fuck, c'mere," he murmured, lips practically touching Ian's with the words.

Ian pressed their lips together. For all his gentle touches throughout the night, his kiss was anything but. Like he needed him to breathe.

Ian pushed him backwards towards the living room, stumbling over each others' feet in the process. Mickey greedily pulled down on Ian's neck, desperate not to let him go. Ian smiled into it and dropped backwards onto the couch cushions, pulling Mickey on top of him, making out like dumb teenagers.

--

Eventually, they settled and Mickey rested his head on Ian's chest while Ian rubbed his back and head comfortingly. Truthfully, he was beginning to panic a bit. He hadn't liked anyone in awhile, and Ian was very hard to not like.

"Are you good?"

Fuckin' mind reader.

"I don't know." Smooth, Mick.

"You don't know what?" Ian probed gently.

Mickey sighed, "How to do this," he answered honestly. There was no point in lying to Ian.

Ian kissed Mickey's forehead, "We can do this any way you want, alright? No rush, no pressure."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely," Ian scratched Mickey's head for a moment, "I've been waiting for you for awhile, Mick, I'll wait for however long you want."

Mickey leaned into his touch and then kissed his shoulder, "I want you, this."

"Me too." They smiled into each other. Safe together.

--

Neither made a move to push things further for the night. Ian had flicked on the tv to the same channel Mickey had on earlier, the Jurassic Park marathon still playing. After whatever movie was on now, Mickey decided he should head home. He was utterly exhausted after the day, and as much as he liked Ian, he didn't want to pass out in the guy's apartment -- though he was sure Ian wouldn't mind at this point, kind bastard.

After Ian had pulled Mickey into one last embrace, Mickey wretched open Ian's door, only to come face to face with his sister, makeup smudged and heels in hand after her night out.

She gasped way louder than fucking necessary, "You slut!"

"Shut the fuck up," he grumbled pushing past her to head back to his own apartment.

"See ya later, Mick!" Ian called down the hall. Mickey didn't respond, but Ian took no offense. To be fair, he had just been caught red-handed by his very dramatic bitch of a sister.

Mandy grinned and looked between Mickey's retreating form and Ian's blushing face. "Oh my god, Ian! I knew it!"

"Hi, Mands." He ducked his head, scratching the back of his neck.

She gave a cheeky, knowing wave goodbye and took off barefoot after Mickey, "You fucker! I want all the details!"

"You ain't gettin' 'em, bitch!" He stormed inside, but left the door open for her behind him.

Mandy threw her shoes on the floor and met up with him in the kitchen, punching his arm lazily so he spilled his newly-opened beer down his hand. "The fuck?!"

"I'm so proud of you!" She made grabby hands at Mickey in attempts to smush his cheeks, but he weaseled out of there quick enough to avoid her gross hands. She may be fuckin' drunk, but she was still quick.

"Yeah, will well ya stop screaming it from the rooftops. Ian's gonna think I'm a fuckin' loser."

"Awww," She chased after him as he headed down the hall, "You are a loser, but that's besides the point! I've been waiting for this for weeks!"

"Night!" Mickey shut his bedroom door in Mandy's face. She'd get over it in a minute. Hell she was probably well on her way to passing out already. Maybe she'd get some details out of him tomorrow.

But tonight -- he reveled in the fact that he spent the night making out with his very kind, very dorky, very hot red-headed neighbor.

--

And when Mandy eventually moved out from their apartment and in with her girlfriend, Mickey had absolutely no problem finding a new red-headed roommate.

[thefoolrat]

Sickening - A Story Made Out of Spite To Get A Cursed Fanfic Out Of A Friend

Here I am, on Tumblr, writing to the internet about a love story between the Reader, Medicine, and Covid. I will not regret this in any way, shape, or form, and this will be worth all the time in the world to write.

Click the read more for a fuck ton of words on being sick, being threatened, terrible descriptions, a lot of bullshittery and whatever else I write there because I've only gotten the beginnings of the work done and god knows I'm not stopping until I'm done.

Sickening - A Three Way Relationship Between You, A Virus, and Medicine

So... Yeah.

That actually happened. You are in a relationship

With a virus, more specifically Covid, and Medicine.

How did this happen? Well, its complicated.

You woke up one morning sick. Your throat sore and festering with mucus that came from god knows where. Course, like any normal person, you thought "Oh this is fine, I'll drink some hot water and take a cough drop to get rid of it."

But that's not where it had to end, did it?

Turns out, you needed more than just one cough drop.

You needed five. Five whole cough drops, down your throat, throughout the day.

And the next day you just horrible.

Coughing, sneezing, you're pretty sure the cereal doesn't even taste like cardboard anymore, let alone anything. And cough drops aren't gonna do shit.

So, what's the next normal, average person move to do? Go to the goddamn doctor. It took a bit because of the whole "Covid's killing us all" thing but you got a doctor's appointment.

You sit down on the parchment-covered bed and listen to the awkward crinkling sounds it makes in the quietness of the doctor's office as you watch the nurse walk around you and do a few of the regular test and questions to gather information.

When the nurse takes her leave, you wondered what sort of thing they would tell you. Should you be taking Ibuprofen or Montrin? Does the doctor want you to be drinking solely orange juice for a week? Maybe they're gonna end up admitting you to a hospital.

What if you had Covid?

Well, you'll have to find out tomorrow because all they did was a Covid test.

That felt like a very pointless doctor's appointment.

NOT, cause apparently the next day as you scroll through your phone eating your flavorless cereal, you have Covid. What the fuck.

The fuck's gonna happen now? Right, go get medicine, stay home, and not die.

You'll be fine.

Everything will be fine.

Just

Just fine.

Just okie dokie.

Dokie okie dokie dokie.

---------------------------------The Past---------------------------------

Everything was not fine.

Everything is NOT fine.

Not fine at all.

You went to the store two months ago. You bought your medicine two months ago. You've been taking your medicine two months ago. Covid has been surprisingly okay to have.

Annoyance? Sure, but nothing severe. Its a good thing all your friends are in your computer and would probably never plan to see you or your little disaster-filled home cause GOD there's more disasters already here and probably going to happen within five minutes.

Why? Because there's two fucking idiots in your house,

THREATENING EACHOTHER

One of them has one of your shitty kitchen knives you haven't bothered sharpening for the past year and the other a small fork from a half-cooked bowl of instant ramen. Both are also hot, but you can think about their appearance later because GODDAMNIT THERE'S TWO MEN IN YOUR HOUSE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY.

"You. You insolent, worthless pile of festering germs! What the fuck are you still doing here!? Don't you have better things to do? Places to be? Places other than here!? This knife here, this knife is going to go straight into this pea-brain sized brain of yours if you stay here for a moment longer."

The guy that said this had a messy pile of long hair on their head the same color as those meds you've been taking that tasted really bad. Like, you're 90% sure that they don't taste test them and think it'll be fine. The man was also wearing a buttoned up white shirt and some wrinkled white panks and white socks with a single red line at the top. He also seemed to be wearing some sort of cap-like hat that's, of course, white with some sort of masking-tape looking thing on it that seems to have wording. Course, you can't read it because you can't see it from here.

The guy was up against your kitchen counter, pointing the knife at the other random guy in your house. Its safe to say that he probably doesn't know that knife isn't going to run through the other guy's skull. At least, not well.

The guy being threatened with a knife looked at the knife and back at the guy with the knife with a gremlin look in his eyes.

"Ooohohohoho, feisty aren't we? Well, jokes on you, I'm not leaving! Stickin' around here is actually more fun! Staying inside, looking at the internet... Isn't it just great? Why do you hate me so much anyways? Its not like anyone's gonna die cause of me, you're just being overdramatic! I bet you aren't even gonna stab me!"

The man with short messy orange and yellow spaghetti hairs said that, jabbing at the long haired white clothed guy with the fork he had probably stolen from your silverware drawer. This fool was acting like this was all for fun and not serious like the other dude didn't just threaten him with his life. The guy being threatened with a knife was also wearing a giant yellow sweater with white t-shirt under it to prevent seeing his chest and orange shorts that exposed his thin, skinny chicken legs to the world. The weird spaghetti man also had two weird fuzzy looking antennas sticking out like he was some sort of alien from another planet. You're hoping that's not the case and that its just some weird hat he's wearing like the other guy.

Meanwhile, cap man is drawing back his knife, about to stab alien boy with it. So, of course, you had to step in! You're not having dead bodies on the floor, you hear? No corpses, no blood, nothing! Being sick is already a pain and you don't need that sort of stress of having a body in your house today.

After a slight bit of hesitation, you bolted towards the two and dramatically shoved them away from each other as though this were one of those cartoons you watched as a kid.

"Alright! That's enough out of both of you!"

You say, looking at both of them in a disapproving manner, which shocks both of them because one they just realized they've been caught, two you're brave, and three they probably hadn't thought of what to do with you.

"What are you doing in my house? What are you doing in my house? Why are you two fighting in my house and how'd you get in in the first place!?"

Looking between the two of the idiots, they stood there in quiet shock for a few seconds before cap man carefully placed the knife onto the counter and alien guy slowly went back to their bowl of cold instant ramen.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you man. I live here with you." he said in a calm but slightly panicky tone.

"No you don't, you broke in. While I was brought in. There's a difference." The cap guy replied, pointing an accusatory finger at the alien man. "Now get out."

"Bapbapbapbapbaaaah nope. They did the touchy-touchy and I hippity-hoppity on. That means I live with them now and you can't do-" You cut him off before the two devolve into an argument that doesn't make a lick of sense because you've never seen these two in your entire life.

"You two aren't making sense! Stop arguing for five minutes and just give me a straight answer, right here, right now!"

The two of them looked at each other, back at you, and then at each other before the spaghetti man pointed his fork at the cap guy, suggesting he tells the god-forsaken story of how they broke into your house to eat your ramen and argue with each other.

After a moment of awkward silence, he looks at you and sighs, shaking his head as he puts a hand to his forehead.

"Would it be absurd to say I was your medicine?"

"...What."

"Your medicine, the one you took to deal with him."

"...What."

"He is Covid, I am your Medicine, and we're now here as people."

"I...I'm sorry, but what the fuck, you actually think I'd believe this?"

You say in absolute disbelief because of course you would be in disbelief how the fuck does this sort of thing happen? That doesn't even make sense! You can't just turn inanimate objects into people, only the internet does that not real life! These guys are nut-cases, or at least "Medicine" is.

"Covid" over in his seat was eating his ramen, looking up at you with the look of someone who has no idea what he's meant to do, before slurping up the last of his ramen and saying:

"That's all true, also don't forget to message Cakes on there. They just pinged you."

"Oookay and how do you know that, smartie pants?" You put your hand on your hips, glaring at "Covid."

"Stole your phone, your password was really easy to memorize."

He said nonchalantly, pulling out what was indeed your phone on the Discord app. Quickly going over, you snatched your phone back and turned it off. You look back at him in anger.

"So, you've rummaged through my stuff, ate my food, and now are trying to say you live here because you're my medicine and my virus infection!? What next?! The skies' gonna fall? Mr. Beast is gonna knock on my door? The world's in deep peril cause of some sort of evil spirit? You two are insane!" You throw your hands up, looking at the two in a mix of confusion and anger.

"Well, I can tell you you're missing your medicine. You can search me, search him, search this entire house and the world even, and you'll never find that bottle, because its me."

He threw his hands up in defeat, looking tiredly at you as though you were being a fool of a person, which you kinda were because if we're being honest, you should've called the police by now.

But fine, let's just entertain the idea that he's actually your Covid medicine and that Covid is now some guy eating partially cooked ramen and has antennas.

You look at the man with one last look of annoyance before heading over to your medicine cabinet, which you realize is...

Broken.

The cabinet would usually be hanging just like all your other cupboards and you'd open the doors to look through your meds, however instead you are greeted with a mess of bottles of over the counter meds and bandaids strewn across the floor and the counter, with the bottom of the cabinet broken into large wooden splintery things with the meds. You probably should've noticed this first, but of course you didn't.

You look back at "Covid" and "Medicine" and then at the mess.

"...I couldn't fit in there."

"Medicine" said sheepishly, looking away in embarrassment as "Covid" stared at the mess, giggling to himself like the stupid ramen gremlin he was.

Looking back over at the broken cabinets and messy medicines, you find that you indeed are missing a bottle. The very same bottle with masking tape that said "COVID" on it so that you knew that was your bottle for getting rid of Covid.

Quickly, you went over to the trash can to make sure those idiots weren't just messing with you and hid it somewhere, but sure enough, nothing.

You checked the cupboards, nothing. The sink? Nothing. You look at the two and they rummage through their pockets, "Covid" pulling out nothing but a bag of chips and opening them.

You sighed, you admit defeat, you admit you now live in a world where your medicine and sickness can come to live and just live in your home. This is your life now, your reality.

You now have to live with Covid and Meds.

On the bright side, you're all better now!

------------------------------Still The Past------------------------------

Its been a few months since these two have started living in your house, and its been... Fine.

The two have made a sort of "truce" so now they won't kill each other. But they still argue with one another for one reason or another.

Meds is more calmer and cares an awful lot about keeping you from not getting injured. He's very helpful despite being too ignorant to work a damn thing in the house, but he is learning. Meds became a book nerd too, having been reading all your books. After Covid showed him how to get onto your computer, he's even taken a liking to reading e-books and fanfiction.

Covid though? A fucking gremlin. He has stolen your phone numerous times, eaten your snacks numerous times, and has downloaded so many viruses on your computer you don't even want to keep count. Just like Meds, he knows practically nothing about how to work a stove or what not. Unlike Meds however, he knows mostly what you've shown him, and you've shown him a lot even before he became a real boy. Covid even got himself a Discord account and manages to terrorize you on there even when you're not home.

Its horrible. Its atrocious. Its like trying to take care of children.

And yet you strangely love these two idiots despite it all.

But you can't just confess your love to them, let alone both of them! Its just weird and strange! People don't just ask their objects-turned-human roommates "Hey, wanna date?" because that's a strange thing to do and say!

Then again you are in a strange situation but that's not the point

Whole point is, what are you gonna do with all this love stored in your small feeble body?!

Nothing, cause you're going to the store.

With these idiots.

Which was a mistake.

Covid said they weren't gonna spread anything, so you suppose that's a plus. But that's about the only plus you got.

Covid had dragged you and Meds over to the kids' section with surprising force despite his scrawny body, now derailing your grocery shopping.

"Hey waitwaitwaitwaitwait, Look at this. Look at it. Looklooklooklook." Covid pointed at a kids' pottery set that was up on a high shelf out of reach.

"We can't get that, its too high and expensive." Meds replied, looking at the price tag of the product in question.

"We came here for just food anyways, so why are we even here in the first place?" He questioned. Of course, Covid was going to answer in the gremlin-like way possible.

By climbing the shelf to get the pottery set.

"Cause the toys are cool and neat and I think you guys should lighten up a bit and also catch this please!" Covid said, getting up to where the pottery set was and pulling it off the shelf towards the ground.

Before it hits the ground however, you manage to catch it. Meds having flinched and been absolutely stunned by Covid's preformance, because who the fuck climbs shelves in public?

Covid hopped down from his ledge, stealing the box back from you to put it in the cart.

"We aren't gonna buy the pottery set" You say, taking the pottery set out of the cart

"But it'll be funnnn" Covid said, looking at you with a childish grin

"Its not even in our budget, we can't." You try to reason with Covid but to no avail.

"Pleaaaase?" He pleaded

"You buy it."

"But I don't have money! I just became human like... Yesterday!" He says in an overexaggerated tone

"Then we aren't getting it." You put the item back on the shelf in a much more lower, grabbable spot.

"Nononono that's going in the cart" Covid said, going over to the box before being stopped by Medicine

"Nope, that's staying on the shelf and we're going to the produce section." Meds began to drag Covid away kicking and screaming.

You should've just made them stay home.

However, perhaps Covid's little stunt did get you somewhere, as you began to follow Medicine and Covid to the produce section with the cart, you noticed a shelf was selling movies.

This was what sparked the perfect idea to how you're going to confess your undying love and affection for the two.

A movie night.

------------------------------Almost There------------------------------

Its been a month since that trip to the store with them and you have no brought them to a store ever since.

It was a disaster.

Good news: You have plans today!

Today is the day you're going to be getting these two to sit together and not argue and you're all going to watch movies together and then you finally confess your love and aaaaaaaa god its gonna be so good today.

So much is going to happen tonight its gonna be great.

Question is: What's gonna happen with the confession?

You're still sort of iffy on that part, but you know what? Worse thing that happens is that you'll lose the two stupidest idiots you've ever met in your life and you'll cry in your bed for a week.

Best thing that happens? You get in a relationship~

So... Lets see what happens.

Operation: Netflix and Chill is a go

Meds was sitting on the living room couch, having taken your phone from Covid to read a story about how a girl's everyday appliance got turned into a hot anime guy and she's now dating it.

Covid was just across from him, staring up at the ceiling and seemingly deep in thought about something, taking up the entire couch and resting his skinny ass legs on Meds' legs.

This was perfect. Time to strike up a conversation.

"Hey guys," You say, resting your arms against the head of the couch as all eyes turn to you. Your heart pounds as though you've severely fucked up, but you continue anyways. "I was wondering... Would you two be up for a movie night? Together? In my room? You know, to hang out and talk and be friends and all that?" It sounded almost panicked, but nonetheless fine. They aren't gonna notice. Why would they notice? They're idiots its fine its fine its fine its

"Yeah sure, I wouldn't mind."

"Yep! Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah movie night movie night lets go, right now. Right now this instant yesyesyesyesyes."

Omg its a resounding yes. You've succeded. This was step one. Now, for step two, which was to get in and watch a goddamn good movie.

Step two was harder than you thought. The three of you are split between watching a funny comedy show or horror movie and this was a hard choice...

Not because getting scared is absolutely fucking hilarious. You three are the comedy show.

Meds? Terrified. Covid? Also horrified.

You? In fear that you won't be able to sleep tonight.

Meds was vibrating in the corner from how afraid he was, what the characters would do next, the monster, if there's a jumpscare, the music, everything. The screaming is horrific to him. You swear during one of the jumpscares he tried to grab at Covid for comfort, but you're not quite sure.

Covid on the other hand watches with little to no tension at any part but as soon as someone starts screaming he tenses. Jumpscares? The worse for them, you swear him screaming and jumping is more worse than anything the movie could pull. Maybe the visuals but that's for another day of pondering.

In the end, it was a terrible idea to watch a horror movie. You all regretted it and it was a unanimous yes to watch the comedy show afterwards, even if it wasn't funny. It was just cheap therapy at this point, plus gave good time to talk.

Which finally, you can move onto step three: Confess your feelings.

This was gonna be a horrible idea, but you're too far into it to stop so let's just roll with it.

In the middle of the conversation you three had, you finally brought it up.

"Hey, so uh... I've had something I've been meaning to confess with you two." You say nervously

"Oh yeah! Uh... Me too, actually, us two, uh uhm uh uhuhuhhhhhhh yeah." Covid replied, looking at you with a nervousness in his eyes. Meds looked at the two of you from his corner of the room as well.

"Oh! Well then uh... Who... Who goes first?"

"You! You brought it up first so you should go, we can tell you after!"

"Oh! Uh... Sure then! Yeah, okay. Yeah yeahyeahyeah." You stutter and mummble a bit as you fiddled with your thumbs. Now was going to be the time you confessed. Confess your undying affection to two guys who were your virus and your medicine and live with their horrible fashion sense for life. And you're absolutely not ready for what comes next.

"I... I'm in love with you. Both of you." You say, finally letting it spill out your mouth.

The room is in silence for a few moments. Did you say something wrong? Had you done something wrong? Were you taking this too far?

But then he responds

"We'redating" Covid blurts out in a quick word.

"The two of us have been dating for a while and we didn't tell you because we sorta forgot and you seemed busy and so we didn't tell you and now you love us and I love you and oh fuck oh god god wait wait no this is not wait wait" Covid said, speedrunning both his confession and panic in rapid succession

But of course, Medicine came in as the solution to everything.

"Wait a moment. You love us. We're dating. We love you. Why don't we just form a poly?" He suggested in an all-too calm manner. "You always see these stories where the protagonist has to choose between two love interests, but why choose when you can have both?" He leaned on Covid and held his hand out for you to take.

"Ye...Yeah, yeah! Poly relationships! That's a great idea lets do it!" Covid agreed, holding out his other hand for you to also take, but instead of a "you must choose one" scenerio

You can choose booth.

You cried, gently taking both of their hands and getting pulled into a hug, Covid sandwiched between you and Medicine in a pile of love and affection.

So...

That's how you've ended up in a poly relationship with a virus and medicine.

And you've had it that way for a while.

And its great.

The End