#god. they are just so absurd. like jesus christ

[muirneach]

ohohooo my god. this is insane. absolute and total mess all around. the girls are fightinggggg

[roanniom]

i can’t stop thinking about virgin! eddie being so embarrassed about coming after like 3 seconds and he keeps apologizing and says he wants to make up for it😩😩

Okay for You

Virgin!Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+ ONLY, PIV / unprotected sex, uncertainty but it resolves

“Jesus fucking Christ, holy mother of fucking god,” he’s stuttering as you lower yourself down on him. His fingertips dig into the meat of your hips so hard you can most certainly count on bruises tomorrow. He’s a lot to take but it feels good as you sink down, giving him a wincing grin.

“Didn’t know the town satan worshiper was so religious,” you tease, lightly sliding the tip of your index finger up and down the naked expanse of his chest in the shape of a cross. “Do you wanna be absolved of sin or do you wanna cum?

“Fuck, you can’t just–,” Eddie bucks up into you harshly and you laugh. Your laugh gets brighter when you notice the furrow in his brow and the desperation in his eyes.

“Choose sin, Eddie. I know you wanna cum.”

“Quit talking about cumming, I’m gonna fucking bust,” he whines out. You roll your hips, once, twice.

“Cum on the dark side, Eddie. We’ve got pussy.”

You’re straight up giggling at your own absurdity and at how far gone he is in under a minutes. His eyes roll back in his head and his mouth drops open in a heady groan, hips stuttering upwards as he spills deep inside you. You ground your hands on his shoulders and bear down on him so that he feels fully encased and snug through his orgasm.

Eddie, it turns out, is fucking beautiful when he cums. Pink tinges the high points of his cheeks, getting darker around his ears and flushing crimson down his neck to his chest. His wet lips are open as he gasps down air, eyelids shut tight against the intensity of his release.

It takes him a minute, but the second he realizes what’s happened, his hands are off your thighs and covering his face in mortification.

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“That good, handsome?” you ask smugly, not quite noticing the tonal shift yet.

“No its…well yeah but I didn’t…that was too…fuck I’m so sorry.” When he finishes rambling he sits up and pulls his hands from his face, revealing an almost teary eyed expression. Your eyebrows shoot up in response.

“Hey, hey! What’s wrong?” you ask, suddenly a lot softer, your hand curling around his forearm to pull him so he stops biting at a nail.

“I just blew my load in 0.5 seconds like a fucking virgin.”

You stare at him for a second before breaking out into hysterical giggles. He looks affronted at first, but as you keep laugh the corner of his mouth quirks a little.

“What?”

“Eddie, you are a virgin,” you clarify, though you immediately amend it. “Were a virgin. I kinda expected it, to be honest.”

Eddie huffs a laugh but sits a bit straighter. He’s still inside you, growing soft, but you like the closeness so you don’t get up just get.

“What? You didn’t think I’d be a mind blowing lover?” he asks and your glad he’s back to making jokes. You shrug.

“You’ve got a big dick, so you’re not that far off to begin with. If we work on your stamina you could be blowing my back out in no time.”

You watch him short circuit as he stares at you and you definitely don’t miss the way his dick twitches inside of you.

“Yeah?” he asks. It’s hesitant. You lean forward and give him a kiss that answers all his questions - bruising and wet and probing and dirty - and his lips chase yours when you pull away.

“You’ll be Fabio in no time,” you promise with a cheeky smile.

“I wanna make you cum,” Eddie replies earnestly. His hands are back on your thighs, smoothing up and down. “I’m so fucking pissed I didn’t make you cum. ‘M sorry.”

“Eddie, don’t be sorry,” you reassure him. You go to kiss him again and he melts, mewling desperately and leaning into the affection. It turns you on so much that this scary, beautiful man is putty beneath you. So much so that you feel yourself growing needy and snake a hand down between you to start playing with your clit.

The friction causes you to squeeze around his rapidly re-hardening cock. He jolts at the feeling.

“What’re you…?” he breaks away to ask you, eyes trailing down to your ministrations. “Oh fuck are you…are you touching yourself?”

“Mhm. You’re making me feel good, Eds. I kinda have to,” you confirm with a chuckle. He watches you for a moment before he slides his hand down your abdomen tentatively.

“Can…can I do it?”

You’re panting a bit at this point. Worked up again from the lack of satisfaction the first time around.

“You wanna?” you ask, kind of hoping he’ll say no so you can get yourself off before he cums prematurely again. You can feel his hips beginning to cant lightly, teasing you with the pressure.

“Please,” he practically whispers and you can deny him so you pull you hand away. What you aren’t expecting is for him to grab it and wrap his lips around your wet fingers. Your eyes blow wide and your pussy clenches around his cock, making him groan around his mouthful.

“Eddie…” you say quietly. He blinks at you before pulling your fingers from his mouth with a pop and reaching down to press his own circles into your clit.

It’s juuuuust off. Another millimeter and you’ll feel great. You roll your hips to try and get him where you need him, but unfortunately the slide of his cock inside of you distracts him, making him freeze up and moan. So you take matters into your own hands, literally, grabbing his wrist and pulling at him so that he’s on the right spot.

“Yeah? Right there?”

He’s seeking genuine reassurance, but your brain hears the questions as dirty talk, making you roll your hips again.

“Fuck. Yeah. Yeah right there.”

You begin grinding on him in earnest while he continues to play with you. After a few moments you grab his free hand to bring it from your hip to grope your breast. His eyes practically bug out of his head.

“Oh wow,” Eddie says.

You want to laugh at how easy he is. But it’s starting to feel really good, and you’re so pent up at this point you decide just to chase it.

“Say something,” you breathe out. Eddie looks confused.

“Like…like what?”

“Just - fuck. I don’t know. Talk dirty.” You’re doing your best not to ride him fully, because you can see the way all of his muscles are starting to tense. You hope that by giving him a task it’ll distract him long enough so you can cum.

“Uh you’re…you’re just like…so fucking beautiful—,”

“Eds,” you let out a frustrated chuckle. “That’s not dirty talk—.”

“So f-fucking beautiful on my cock,” he continues as if you hadn’t interrupted him. “Want you to cum. You’re so wet, bet you need it so bad.”

Well shit.

Recently de-virgin-ed Eddie had found your weakness and it’s condescension. Your pussy squeezes him and you let out a moan that has him grinning through a hiss.

“You need it, huh? Just desperate to cum, huh baby?”

Baby is a new pet name and you love it. You nod and his finger picks up it’s pace on your clit, his other hand following your earlier lead by playing with and tugging at your nipples.

“Need it, Eds.”

“Oh I need it, too, baby. Shoulda happened the first time, but I need you to feel good now, ok?” There’s a sincerity behind the lightest layer of teasing. He can’t really tease fully. Not when he’s on the brink of cumming again as it is.

But the laser focused eye contact he’s locked you in is doing plenty for you.

“Ok.”

“Ok,” Eddie repeats in a hum. His free hand goes to the back of your neck and pulls you down to him so he can grace you with a wet, sucking kiss. He bites your plush lower lip and lets his free hand tighten in your hair.

“Oh god, Eddie,” you whimper against his lips.

“Fuuuuck, I’ve been waiting to hear you like this,” Eddie groans.

You’re basically just cock warming him at this point with a little humping mixed in. But you’re really impatient at this point, so the constant roll of your hips is taking you further than it usually would.

Eddie’s free hand slides from your hair down your back to grab a a handful of your ass. He guides your gyrating hips up and down your cock just that much more and now you’re panting.

“Eddie,” you whine. “I’m close.”

“Holy shit. Seriously?” Eddie asks, his eyebrows shooting up. Clearly shocked.

“Yeah, handsome. You’re fucking me so good.”

You both know it’s an exaggeration. But you’re impatient to cum at this point and eager to praise the beautiful man beneath you. He preens and licks his lips.

“Yeah? Gonna fuck you so good, baby. Wanna make you feel so good. Please, just let me baby. Wanna…oh fuck…please.” He’s rambling at this point and you know he’s close. You bring your hands to either side of his face, framing his jaw.

“Look at me, handsome,” you breathe. You’re so close at this point. His hazy eyes find yours.

“Baby…” he says, eyelids fluttering. He looks just so absolutely destroyed - that’s what ultimately gets you. That this man is losing his damn mind over you but holding out as long as he can so you feel pleasure.

That pleasure washes over you in that moment, along with a cry of Eddie’s name. You collapse over him and cling to him as your pussy spasms around his aching cock. It blows Eddie’s ever loving mind to feel your body reacting to him so strongly. His last bit of resolve snaps like a fucking twig and suddenly he’s clutching you to him and fucking up into you.

“Baby-oh fuck. Baby, yes. God.” He’s gasping and panting and then his hips are stuttering. He goes still, cumming inside you for the second time tonight.

You’re so full. Two loads of cum and his already oversized cock. But even better is how he holds you. Big arms surround you and keep you grounded against his body, even as twitching aftershocks rock him.

It’s a few moments before you’re properly able to do anything other than relish in the feeling of his overwhelming presence. It’s the persistent ache in your muscles that spurs you into action.

“Eddie…I’ve gotta move…”

“Oh fuck, sorry!” He’s quick to release you, letting you peel yourself from his sweaty skin and gingerly climb off of him. Before you can move any further he jumps up. “Wait let me just…”

He’s back in a moment with a wash cloth - warm, you notice in the back of your hazy mind. He lightly cleans you up, missing the heart eyes you direct his way from the sheer gentleness of his movements.

Eddie is so caring. So sweet and bumbling and eager and awkward and you can’t help but beam back at him when he sends a smile your way. He settles back on the bed with you hesitantly.

“Was that…was that okay for you?” he asks.

“I should be asking you that,” you counter, slapping at his arm. He’s having none of it, though, instead grabbing you and pulling you into his arms.

“Well I fucking came twice so I don’t think it’s really a question, baby.”

“Hmmm I like when you call me baby,” you coo. You’re a boneless mass of gooey feelings now, encased in Eddie’s arms. The skin around his eyes crinkles and his dimples deepen.

“Oh yeah? You like being my baby?” You don’t miss the way his flush gets deeper but you relish in the newfound confidence in his voice.

“I love being your baby, Eds.”

~*~

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Thank you for reading! Please reblog and comment to let me know what you think

[toxicanonymity]

Big Fat Tally

Joel Miller x Female Reader | 1.7k words WARNINGS: 18+ NSFW. Non-outbreak AU, established couple, fem/AFAB reader, dirty talk, pet names, praise, incidental solo play (m), foreplay - oral f receiving, fingering, dirty talk. Joel wears a hollow strap* for PIV: Sometimes this is called a cock enhancer or extender but we know he doesn't need it. on the inside it's like a fleshlight. Written for @dark-scape’s The Tally Chain Fic Event. Please consider donating to the National Network of Abortion Funds or other abortion resources. Also, consider writing a tally fic 💙

You called Joel on the way home from work. "I'm just dying to give you another tally," you purred. All afternoon, a montage of possibilities had played in your head -- sucking his cock, jacking him off, politely requesting an anal cream pie...

“Got a surprise for ya,” he told you. 

“Yeah?” you asked. 

“Yeah,” Joel said in a sweet voice, then shifted his tone. “A whole lotta cock. Gonna pack ya full of it” 

“Be ready when I get home,” you replied. 

You and Joel had stored something special in the toy chest, saving it for a rainy day. By this point, you might have forgotten about it, but Joel hadn't, and this was the perfect occasion. The hollow attachment was veiny, close to Joel’s skin tone, and nearly 10”. His own dick, already a more than respectable size, would slide right into it, then he’d fuck you with the massive horsecock. 

Armed with a big bottle of lube, the strap, and the attachment, he went to the restroom to put it on. This was top-of-the-line equipment. Not only would it provide enhanced girth for your pleasure, but it would pleasure Joel, too. The inside of it was state-of-the-art material with a patented new design. More realistic as the Fleshlight, it promised, or your money back. 

Joel dropped his pants and lubed up his hard cock. He stepped into the harness and loosely fastened it before lining the tip of his dick up with the hollow cock’s entrance. The hole was a slit. Joel held the hollow dildo in one hand and his cock, dripping lube, in the other. He rubbed his tip over the soft little slit, then pushed his tip inside. He sucked in air through his teeth as the cock slid on far faster than he intended. His cock throbbed as he bottomed out. 

Joel finished fastening the strap and admired himself in the mirror. The dong was massive, and it looked stiff and swollen like it might burst.  At first glance, the size looked a little absurd, but the longer Joel looked at the mirror, it looked like it could feasibly be a part of him.

He held it in his hand, marveling at how his hand struggled to wrap around it. He stood in different poses. He faced the mirror and held it at the base and lazily thrust forward a few times. God, it looked hot, and the interior material felt more like your smooth walls than anything he’d felt in a while. 

The idea of your pussy spread around this cock made him hard as a brick. It made him so hard that the phallus began to feel tight. It felt tight in the best way, god it felt good–not as good as the real you, but it almost felt like this thing as sucking him. It was so snug that he had to make sure it wasn’t stuck. With both hands firmly on the attachment, he pulled his hips back and “fffuuuuu,” it was sucking him back in. The sensation sent a jolt of pleasure to his taint. 

Hre paused to breathe then rocked his hips and felt it pull him in again.  “No? Need more?” Joel muttered under his breath and bottomed out again. He held the attachment firmly and withdrew twice as much shaft. He paused and watched his cock throb with the silicone slit stretched around it. Then he slid back in. “You’re a greedy little thing.” The walls of the attachment hugged his cock.  

Jesus Christ, he was gonna cum if he wasn’t careful. 

“Almost ready,” you called from the bedroom, making him jump. He hadn’t even realized you were home.

Joel emerged from the bathroom holding his “enhanced” cock in his hand as though it were his own, and you could only say, “Dear God.” You were in a nightgown with no panties. Joel’s steps toward the bed were slow and heavy. You scooted to the edge of the bed to stare that monster cock right in the face. 

“Can I taste it before you lube it?” you asked and he held it steady for you. 

You could barely stretch your lips around it. You gagged yourself then slid it out of your mouth, drool falling over your chin. You held your jaw and opened wide to try to get rid of the cramp. 

“Enough about  me,” Joel said. “How’s my sunshine?” He lifted your chin with two fingers, then kissed you, still holding his enormous appendage in his other hand. 

“Empty,” you whispered. “So very empty….” you eyed his equipment again. 

“Show me how empty,” Joel said. 

You turned around facing the bed and leaned over it doggy style. You lifted up your nightgown and Joel let out a low whistle when he saw how wet you were. 

“Easy, baby,” he chuckled. “Think I need to warm ya up a little.” 

“Well, get to it,” you teased him, crawling onto the bed and turning around. . 

He hovered over you, kissed you again, then pulled the straps of your nightgown down so he could make out with your tits. You moaned at his tongue swirling around your nipples. The silicone cock kept grazing you. It was bobbing heavily between you and made your body throb with anticipation. With Joel’s mouth still on your breast, he reached between your open legs and slid his fingers through your slick.

He pushed one, then two fingers into you, and you asked for a third. 

“Good girl,” he cooed as he fucked you with three fingers. His digits were coated in your slick. He removed his fingers and you protested “uh!” at the loss. Then he licked your fingers and moaned at the taste. 

“Wanna turn over?” he offered. 

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” you replied. 

With you face down on the bed, Joel adjusted your position for a better angle and kneed your legs open further. He ran his fingers and knuckles through your slick teasingly. He gathered slick with his thumb and began to work your clit. Then, after your first little whine, he spread your pussy wide and ate it from the back.

“MMmm,” he hummed into your cunt as he buried his mouth in your folds and made out with your weeping pussy. There was no better taste. Your hips lifted into his face, and he doubled down, absolutely feasting on your cunt until your thighs were trembling and your body took on the most beautiful shape. 

You had barely finished coming, when you breathed, “Fuck me.” 

Joel’s face was shiny and pink.  “Droolin’, ain’t she,” Joel murmured. “Can’t have enough’a this anyway,” he mumbled then pumped a puddle of lube into his palm and slathered the cock in it. 

“You ready for this monster?” Joel asked. 

“Mmm-hmm” you whined. 

He covered his fingers in lube and worked you open for him again until you were easily taking three of his fat fingers. Then he notched the tip at your wet little hole. “Oh, baby, you really think you can take this big cock?” 

“Mmm-hmm.” You tilted your hips. 

The cockhead prodded at your entrance and you reached back with both your hands to help spread your cunt around it. 

Joel groaned at the sight. “God damn, baby,” he pushed the tip halfway in, and you made yourself comfortable again, taking your hands away. 

Joel moved his hips in small pulses, teasing you with the tip until he pushed the tip inside, making you moan with the pressure. 

“Good girl,” he praised you. He pressed a little further. 

“It’s so—wide,” you marveled. 

“Too much?” 

“No,” you reassured him. 

“How ‘bout a little more?” 

You nodded. 

He withdrew all but the very tip of the cock and added more lube, then slid halfway in, pushing a low moan out of you. You grabbed a pillow to bite if you needed it, but the stretch was the best part. 

When Joel pulled back, your pussy was clinging to the dripping wet silicone, begging for it back, and Joel had half a mind to take a pic. 

“Babe, you look—So goddamn hot.” 

“Mmm,” you sighed. 

He pulled back a little then slid in all he could, gushing, “Gooood giiiirl,” as he gently met your cervix.  

“Ohhhh, fuck,” you panted. “I’m full. Fuck, I’m full.” 

Joel was breathing heavily. “You took that so good baby.”

He slid halfway out, then packed you full again, and began to fuck you at a slow rhythm. 

“Look at you takin’ this goddamn monster cock,” he marveled, and sped up just a little. 

“Oh, Joel,” you sighed, with the massive cock fucking you into the mattress. 

Joel was holding on for dear life. He wanted it to last, but it was too fucking hot, it felt too good. The soft inner chamber hugged Joel nice and tight, and your cunt made it squeeze him far tighter. The sight alone could’ve made him cum. 

“God damn,” he breathed, fully seated in your cunt. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, baby,” he warned you. 

“C’mon, babe,” you encouraged him. 

He held onto your hips and his eyes were glued to where your bodies were joined as he thrust a few more times, spreading your body apart, splitting you with this massive girth while you relished in the stretch. 

“Ohhh,” he began, then bottomed out and began to pulse. “Oh, god damn,” he breathed. “Damn I love you, baby.” His seed poured into the hollow cock, enrobing his dick in his own warm, sticky mess with each burst. 

As Joel began to pull out, you reached under the pillow and turned on a vibrating wand. 

Joel quietly chuckled, “attagirl,” and slid back in. 

You massaged yourself, feeling stuffed full like never before. 

“Ohhh, god,” Joel sighed when you convulsed around his cock. 

This thing he was wearing, God– it was a new sensation. And with the beat of your fluttering walls, and the vibration—It felt like even more cum was squeezed out of him with your orgasm.

When you were finished. Joel slowly withdrew from you. He sighed in admiration as your body drew itself back together, like nothing ever happened. 

You began to roll over and weakly said, "We've gotta mark the--"

“You just rest, baby, hold on." Joel went and got you a warm rag and helped clean you up, then put a glass of your favorite juice on the nightstand. The whole time, he was still wearing the attachment. 

Then he proudly walked over to the whiteboard and drew one big fat tally. 

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Thank you for reading!

Also, I truly appreciate your comments. I love knowing what you liked, and your feedback helps it feels more like a community than a stage 💙 ily all, please drink water and rest. 🫶

[steddiealltheway]

Steve can see it in Max. That same loneliness and ache that he finds in himself. For him, it’s result of his parents leaving with no intent to return to him unless absolutely necessary.

He knows he was an accident. Or rather a mistake as his father used to call him when he was particularly angry. But it made sense to him. Steve's the reason his father had to marry his mother. He left him "trapped." And maybe no one says it out loud, but he can tell his mother feels the same way too.

But they must keep up appearances, right?

Which is what Max has been trying to do since Billy died, El moved away, and it's been just her and her mom. But she's been going about it through a different route - pushing people away all while pretending things are fine. But Steve sees the way she picks up the broken pieces of her mom and tries to put them back together - Steve's had to do the same thing before.

So, he starts sticking around a little longer. Offering her more rides to the arcade and around town to pick up groceries when she needs to. Sometimes he'll tell her about a new recipe he's been trying for a casserole and pick up the ingredients, pretending like the milk and butter he bought will spoil by the time he drives home from her trailer.

Of course, they both know it's a lie, but Max humors him and plays along. She'll let him cook dinner while she picks up the bottles her mom left on the floor, dumps out the overflowing ashtray, and feeds the dog. Usually, Steve will ask her what she's learning in school and linger a little longer than usual in hopes that she'll say more than the usual, "I don't know. A bunch of boring stuff."

But lingering has gotten a lot of things out of Max such as her love for Kate Bush, a story about El and how much she misses her, and short quips about Lucas before she gets a sad smile on her face. Steve doesn't really know what to say most of the time, but he hopes that just being there will help.

Unfortunately, lingering and just being there has led him to his current predicament of none other than Eddie "The Freak" Munson sitting on the hood of his car glaring at him as he walks out of Max's place. Steve jumps a little, startled by the figure on his car and becoming more hostile as he sees the expression on his face. He shoves his hands in his pockets and slows his pace. "Is there a problem?"

Eddie snorts humorlessly. "Christ. You're really going to pretend like there's nothing wrong with what's happening?"

Steve's brows furrow, entirely missing whatever point he's trying to make.

Eddie stands up and stalks toward him. "I see you, you know. Always lurking around when her mom isn't home. Coming out of her trailer late at night."

Steve laughs, finally understanding the absurd conclusion he's come to. "Jesus, man. You're delusional."

Steve doesn't expect it, but Eddie sharply shoves his chest and grits, "I don't fucking lie to me, Harrington."

Steve holds his hands up. "I'm not," he firmly states. "Nothing like that is happening here. I'm glad you're looking out for her, but it isn't like that."

"Do you expect me to believe that? Maybe this is why you're always hanging around Henderson and the other kids."

Steve crosses his arms and his jaw tenses. "I'm not a fucking pervert or a pedophile if that's what you're trying to say. I'm just looking after them."

"Why?" Eddie asks, dramatically opening his arms, "Why would King Steve adopt a group of misfits to take under his wing? See, the math isn't adding up."

Usually, Steve would just brush it off and tell the person to fuck off and mind their own business. But his parents have just left town again without leaving a note and Max had snapped when Steve tried to help her clean the place because it looked worse than usual, and he was just generally feeling like shit and angry at his parents and Max's parents for not being there. So he broke, "Because I don't want Max to end up like me! I don't want any of those kids to grow up without a role model. And god forbid if any of those other kids' parents fuck up, and they’re left with only me. I need them to know that I'm there for them! Because sometimes it feels like whenever the world goes to shit, I'm the only one who is there, and I plan to stay there, okay?!"

He finishes his rant breathing a little heavier than usual and noticing that a few of the lights in the trailers have turned on around them. He looks around and awkwardly nods to the people glaring out their windows. God, he needs to get a grip.

When he turns back to Eddie, he notices the conflicted expression, jaw dropped, eyebrows knitted together, eyes searching him as if he's still wondering if he's lying.

A door creaks open behind them and Steve curses under his breath as he hears Max say, "Eddie, leave him alone. Do you really think I would hook up with my damn babysitter? Jeez."

"Language," Steve quietly lectures as the door swings shut. He runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath. It's been a long fucking day.

A hand lands on his arm and tugs him away from Max's trailer. Steve glances up at Eddie, leading him across the way. "Where are we going?"

"My place," Eddie says.

"Why?"

"So we can talk."

God, the last thing he wants to do is talk to Eddie of all people, the guy he's been actively avoiding since Dustin started worshipping the ground - or rather tables - he walks on. But he lets himself be pulled away in the trailer and practically deposited on the couch in the living room.

He glances up and comments, "That's a lot of mugs."

"My uncle's, but that's not what I wanted to... Christ," Eddie says, pacing in front of Steve and tugging his hair in front of his face. The anxious display makes Steve feel even more tired, but he lets him pace. God, what is he even doing here?

"I'm sorry," Eddie blurts out. "I'm just..." he trails off and rushes over to grab a stool a few feet away before dragging it in front of the couch. He sits on it but his leg still holds that nervous energy as it rapidly bounces up and down. "I jumped to conclusions, and it was really shitty of me, man. I just... didn't believe what Henderson was saying about you and thought 'Oh, this makes way more sense than Steve Harrington being a good dude.' And I'm sorry to accuse you of that. And I... I didn't know about your... parents and stuff. Like I knew they were away a lot because of your parties but... I just never connected the dots. And I'm sorry. No one deserves that shit, man."

Steve doesn't know what to do this whole interaction, especially with it coming from Eddie Munson who he doesn't think he's ever talked to before this moment, but... he needs to hear it. God, he needs to hear it.

Of course, he can't let him know this, so he does what he's best at and brushes it off. "It's fine. You were just looking out for the kids. And really just ignore what I said back there, it isn't that big of a deal."

Eddie worries his bottom lip before he blurts out, "I know what it's like." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "I mean, I know what it's like to have... absent parents. But in my case, eventually, my uncle Wayne took me in, and I can only imagine if he didn't." He gives him a pointed look and lowers his voice, "Do you have someone like that?"

A big part of Steve wants to leave right now, and he knows there's nothing stopping him. But a bigger part of him needs to stay. Needs to talk about the emptiness in his house that he can never truly escape at the end of the day that he can’t talk to anyone about. Because he's not supposed to be weak. He's supposed to take care of the others. So he admits, "No, I don't have... anyone like that. Except Robin but..."

"That's different," Eddie finishes the thought for him.

Steve nods. He loves Robin, but he loves her as a platonic soulmate and not as a parent figure in his life. "You know, I once had this basketball coach in middle school - Mr. Weston. And I remember looking up to him so much. I wanted to be just like him, and I would go to his office during lunch and ask him for advice or talk about dumb shit that my father would never talk about. But he never shamed me for my questions. And sometimes he even packed an extra dessert for me." Steve smiles at the memories and runs a hand through his hair, remembering the day he got the news. "But one time, when I went to his office, he had this look on his face. And I just knew it was bad news. And really, it wasn't bad news to him because his wife was pregnant. But she wanted to move a few states away to raise the kid closer to her family. And it wasn't his fault, you know? It wasn't like he purposely chose to move away from me, but I felt like I was abandoned again."

Steve wipes a tear from his eye and puts his head in his hands. "God, I don't know why I'm even telling you this story. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Eddie says quickly. He pauses and shifts on the stool, his gaze being far away. "I remember him. He was one of the only gym teachers that defended me against all the shitty middle school bullies. He was a good person.”

Steve nods. God, he was a good person.

Eddie continues, “I'm sorry that he left. And I bet he still regrets leaving you behind."

Steve leans back against the couch and looks away, shaking his head. "I bet he forgot about me."

"You're kind of hard to forget."

Steve looks at Eddie and sees a slight blush on his cheeks as he shakes his head and waves his hands as if trying to make the comment go away. "What I mean is that there's no way he's forgotten about you. Someone who you used to have lunch with all the time to the point of giving you free food... Nah, man. He remembers you. I think you may have been as important to him as he was to you."

The thought breaks away at a wall Steve had built up long ago. "Thanks," he practically whispers.

Eddie just smiles at him, small dimples appearing on his cheeks.

"You didn't deserve it either, you know," Steve says. "The absent parent stuff. Even with Wayne, they should've been here too."

Eddie's smile falters a bit as he swallows and looks at the ground. "Thanks," he mumbles. He looks up at Steve and comments, "Getting sappy with Steve Harrington. Who knew."

"Yeah, getting sappy with Eddie Munson," Steve echoes back at him.

Eddie laughs, "I'm surprised you even know my name."

"You're kind of hard to forget," Steve says easily.

That same blush comes back to Eddie who shifts in his chair a bit as if he needs to process the information with his whole body.

They sit in the moment for a bit before Eddie gets a somewhat serious look on his face and offers, "You know, I'm definitely not a parent figure or anything, but I'm always here and around to talk about that whole thing if you need to."

Steve's heart beats a little faster at the sheer genuineness. "Same here," he can't help but offer in return. He glances down at his watch and sighs, "It's getting late, so I better..."

"Right," Eddie says, standing up and leading him to the door. "Do you need water for the road or anything?"

Steve smiles and pats him on the back without thinking too hard about it. "I'm good, man. But thank you. For everything really."

"Sorry for being an asshole," Eddie apologizes again.

"Usually that's my line," Steve accidentally voices before cringing a bit, wondering further why Eddie's been so kind to him.

But as he opens the door, Eddie comments, "I don't know. It seems like Dustin was right about the whole reformed jock thing. Maybe your crown really has fallen - which is a good thing by the way."

Steve slightly smiles at him before he turns to leave. But he can't help but say, "I wonder what the neighbors will think about me leaving your trailer so late."

Eddie groans then laughs. "Sorry to ruin your image."

"I wouldn't mind," Steve replies, honestly unsure what he means by that. "Goodnight, Eddie."

"Goodnight, Steve," Eddie says, that same blush on his cheeks, only this time Steve isn't sure if it's something he said or a result of the cold night air.

In bed that night, Steve feels a slight weight lifted from him and can't help but feel like he’s a little less alone.

[p0orbaby]

Make Yourself at Home

summary: all you want is a quiet night in with alessia, and tooney?

warnings: SMUT 18+, not explicit but smut adjacent, i digress, oral (alessia receiving)

a/n: our favourite grump really can’t catch a break

word count: 809

-

You’re a pretty impartial person.

You don’t really get excited about much. Ice cream flavors? Meh. Pets? Take ’em or leave ’em.

While everyone else is busy with their pre-game rituals and superstitions, and instagram and oat milk lattes, you just roll your eyes and get on with it.

But there’s one thing you’re absolutely crazy about. One thing that wipes the scowl off your face. One thing that you’ll happily clear your entire schedule for.

What is it, you ask? Football? Contractually, sure. But no. An intensive workshop on mastering the art of making artisanal cheese from scratch? You could be tempted. But still no. The chance to have your head between Alessia’s legs? Jackpot!

You’re a simple creature.

There’s just something about the way she reacts when you’re down there, the way she arches her back and moans your name like a prayer. Like you’re the only one who can unravel her, the only one who knows exactly how to make her fall apart.

It’s a real confidence booster, you know?

In those moments, you feel anything but impartial. You feel alive, electrified by the sheer intensity of the connection between you and your partner. It’s a feeling you chase, a feeling you crave with a hunger that borders on obsession.

So when you find yourselves settled on the sofa one evening, the warmth of Alessia’s thighs pressed against your cheeks, you can’t help but feel a sense of contentment wash over you. It’s a simple pleasure, but one that brings you more joy than any pre-game ritual ever could.

And as Alessia’s fingers thread through your hair, guiding you with a gentle urgency, you realise that maybe, just maybe, being practical isn’t so boring after all. Especially when it leads to-

“Oh my fucking god! My eyes!”

You freeze, the comfortable haze of contentment shattered by the sudden intrusion. You pull away from Alessia’s warmth, blinking rapidly as you try to make sense of the chaos unfolding before you.

Standing in the doorway, eyes wide with shock, is Ella. One hand clamped over her mouth in horror as she takes in the scene before her, while the other holds a Sainsbury’s Bag For Life brimming with, clothes?

Alessia looks equally startled, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of crimson as she scrambles to cover herself with a nearby throw pillow.

“Jesus Christ, Ella! Can’t you knock?” you snap, your irritation flaring up in full force. “Stop looking!”

Where the fuck is your t-shirt?

Ella stammers as she turns around, her face burning with embarrassment. “I-I did knock! And I rang Less’ phone but she didn’t answer. I thought something was wrong!”

“Something is wrong,” you mutter under your breath, shooting Alessia a pointed look.

Alessia bites her lip, clearly struggling to contain her laughter at the absurdity of the situation. “You know where the bathroom is, Ella”

You resist the urge to shout again, instead focusing on the task at hand. “Can you please just… I don’t know, leave? We were in the middle of something”

Ella nods frantically. “Right, of course. I’ll just… go. Are your towels still in the cupboard on the landing?”

What on earth is happening right now?

“Why does she have a key? When did I agree to this?” You seethe as you throw Alessia her stray clothes once Ella is finally out of sight.

“It’s for emergencies” she tells you calmly as she gets dressed.

You look around the room, arms out in confusion. “Where’s the emergency, huh?” you challenge, gesturing to the seemingly calm surroundings. “Am I completely missing something?”

“Faulty boiler” she states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I said she could come here to shower and wash her clothes. Water?”

She hands you a bottle out the fridge while you stand slack jawed and baffled.

You take the bottle mechanically, still trying to process the sudden awful turn of events. “Wait, hang on. The machine runs on two-hour cycles”

“I’m surprised you know that including I do all your washing for you”

You let out a frustrated sigh. “Are you hearing what I’m saying? Two. Hours. Two whole hours!”

She’s not silly, she knows what you mean. But if she’s disappointed, she doesn’t show it. Is this what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a conversation with you? Perhaps you’ve rubbed off on Alessia too much.

You go to protest, stomp your feet, shake some sense into her, until you hear a voice come from upstairs.

“Guys, I'm not sure whose toothbrush is the blue one, but it may or may not have found its way into the toilet” Ella shouts through the house, and you almost collapse to your knees in defeat.

“We’re changing the locks. Tomorrow,” you declare firmly to Alessia. “And you owe me a new toothbrush”

[halitis]

do i have anything anything against jason as a character? no. i actually like him quite a bit! i think hes really interesting!

BUT DO I THINK SOME JASON FANS ARE FUCKING DUMB AS FUCK?!?? YES BITCH WHAT THE FUCK?

im gonna go through all the shit wrong with this comment thread one by one because jesus fucking CHRIST!!!!

1. "that thing" first of all. What. she is literally just a evil-aligned poc woman. she has been raised in this environment and as a result of that this is really the only life available for her and thats the tragedy of her character!

2. "why did she get with roy" THEY ARE FUCKING SOULMATES. THEIR ENTIRE THING IS THE INHERENT LOVE THEY SHARE FOR EACH OTHER WHILE ALSO VALUING THEIR MORALS ABOVE EACH OTHER. IT IS THE COMPLEXITY OF RAISING A CHILD TOGETHER AND ALSO TRYING TO FIND MIDDLE GROUND. IT IS BEGGINT THE OTHER TO CHANGE AND KNOWING THEY WONT.

3. "MY BABY JASON" YOU CANNOT SAY THAT AFTER YOU JUST INSULTED JADE.... LITTERALLY CANNOT. the biggest fucking hypocrytical statement i have ever fucking heard!!! bro!!! jason is Nawt a good person! he just flat out isnt! he has done so much horrid shit, not just to his familt, but to roy's family too. like he is not ur sweet innocent traumatised boy, he is a fucked up grown ass man who was hurt and decided to take that pain out on others. he is no fucking different from jade except he thinks hes doing rhe right thing, at least jade knows she isnt

4. "lian baby mama is jason now" ive talked abt this before, but sexism in fandom spaces when it comes to mlm ships is so fucking common it is fucking absurd. why are women only used as babymakers for ur gay characters?? why can they not be complex characters while men can???? it is fucking absurd how common it is in dc fandom and i frankly dont know why im shocked by it! women are regressed to one of three roles: evil villain who abused male love interest, baby maker, BAMF with no complexity or character at all and it is honestly so fucking tiring and just, boring to read??? like how do you not just hate it??????

5. "unemployed" honestly. i have no words. all im saying is it is No Fucking Shock that the woc is being pushed into these awful stereotypes.

now we are up to the worst part. the final comment...

6. "how are you gonna sleep with my man" ROY LEFT JADE. NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. roy was on an undercover mission and fell in love with jade and got her pregnant! he left because he would not be able to arrest her!!! all she fucking knew was one of the first people she truly ever loved had fucking gotten her to trust him and then left her, she had to deal with that pregnancy BY HERSELF. SHE LITTERALLY SAYS SHE SPENT THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY WAITING FOR ROY TO COME BACK TO HER, AND SHE WASNT EVEN MAD SHE STILL LOVED HIM.... she didn't even realise his identity for years!

also why is it always the woman's fucking fault if she gets pregnant? it takes two to tango! roy is as equally responsible for that pregnancy as jade is!

7. "AND THEN LEAVE YOUR KID" OH MY GOD.... [EXPLODES YOU WITH MY MIND] JADE. CANNOT. LEAVE. THE LEAGUE. BUT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO RAISE A FUCKINF CHILD THERE BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT ITS LIKE!! SHES BEEN THAT KID!! jade knows fucking better then to delude herself into thinking she can raise lian safely while still stuck in her life, but lian is her number one priority always!! forever!! she pushes roy and lian away because she knows she is dangerous for them and because she thinks she doesnt deserve to have them and that love in her life!!!

8. "lian should be embarrassed to have her as her mum" i actually fucking wish nothing but hell upon you. have you not fucking read. just a single thing in ur life actually? just like actually can you read??? because i have met TODDLERS with better media literacy than you. LIAN HAS ISSUES WITH HER MOTHER. THIS WAS A BIG PART OF HER STINT AS SHOES. SHE IS DEALING WITH THE COMPLEXITIES OF LOVING HER MOTHER, THE WOMAN WHO LOVES HER AND CARES FOR HER, WHILE ALSO ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT SHE ISNT A GREAT MUM.

im sorry this is so messy and has so much shouting it actually has me fuming when people r so fucking stupid, idc if you dont like a character but dont just ignore all the bits of a characyer that make them redeemable or interesting to prop up ur male blorbos????

[freakenomenon]

okay hereeee are some ted opinions that i feel as though i should share before i explode with frustration.

teds paranoia is due to AM of course, yes. this is horribly tragic and what AM has done to the survivors is HORRIBLE. but.... it doesn't excuse the CLEAR misogynistic bias ( and possible racial bias STAY WITH ME HERE IM BLACK I AM THE MOST CERTIFIED TO TALK ABOUT THIS. ) ted displays towards ellen. when talking about the others he doesn't make derogatory statements towards their gender identities or their choices within their past lives. especially with benny being gay he only states that AM had sexually humiliated him because of it, which does not mean he agrees with it. but then when he shifts over to ellen it's so OBVIOUS how victim blamey and sexist his words are. implying that she enjoys servicing them and that AM had given her pleasure despite her clearly not wanting any of that. he doesnt only just GLOSS OVER the sexual humiliation of benny, he uses it against ELLEN. paranoia does not CAUSE bigotry to sprout, as someone with paranoia if anything it's more offensive to IMPLY that it would cause saying something that horrendous to a SEXUAL ASSAULT VICTIM. ( not only talking about the elevator here by the way, ellen being forced to service the others can genuinely be considered proximity assault and COERCION but whatever ) yes, i do feel bad for ted in the aspect that he is a torture victim and he's gone through so much and that he has genuinely been driven mad. but bigotry within madness cannot be justified in ANY right. it's also very insulting to his character to imply that his ONLY personality traits are being a douchebag. yes it's a big part of him because he is ,,, a douchebag. but to truly understand why you shouldn't like ted as a PERSON ( not as a character, he's very well written do whatever you want ) you have to peel away exactly at what makes his actions unjustifiable in the end.

moving on, his portrayal in the game is both interesting and completely absurd and horrendous. let me start this off by saying. Ted. Does NOT. love ellen. Ted is not ACTUALLY in love with this woman. He's just clinging to whatever he can for validation and he believes that he is ENTITLED to her validation because of his isolation and belief that the MEN hate him. not to mention his warped view on sex due to him being groomed may have led him to believe that sex = love. the short sporadic and awfully humiliating sparks of passion between ellen and ted during those intimate moments, especially for a grooming victim. may be incredibly confusing and conflicting. which of course is not at all teds fault, he's a victim. i don't blame him for that. teds character in the game in some aspects couldve been a beautifully done portrayal of how "love" and a want for it can bring out the worst in someone. that having trauma doesn't always make good functioning morally correct members of society. in other aspects. it's. bad. God fucking. JESUS it's bad i don't even want to talk about how horrendous he is written in the game christ on a celery stick. I can't even say this is because of my personal disliking of ted. all of the characters are so STRANGELY written in the game that is actually absurd in resemblance to their characters in the short story. but whatever.

rant over.

[avelera]

Thinking about blasphemy and Good Omens right now and I can't help but notice an interesting phenomenon around some discussions I've seen about the Second Coming and Jesus Christ being a character in S3.

Namely, I see much more underlying discomfort around the possibility of the show poking fun at the figure of Jesus Christ than I do with any other prediction discussion or discussion around religion in the show.

On the one hand, I completely understand how poking fun at the Antichrist dogma from Revelations doesn't feel particularly blasphemous, where poking fun at Jesus does. The Antichrist is a stock character of horror at this point. Many more disrespectful teams than Gaiman and Pratchett have played with that story. It's barely even considered poking fun at Christianity to have Adam, the son of Satan, be a good kid in Good Omens. But Jesus is a very important figure to Christians all over the world. There are devout Christians who truly love Jesus and no one wants to be a jerk by just outright disrespecting a figure that is dear to so many.

But on the other hand, expecting Good Omens to not make fun of Jesus is a bit absurd to me. Literally saying, "I don't think the satirical religion show is going to satirize religion because it might upset people." Gaiman hasn't shied away from messing with religion or religious bigots before. He gleefully shrugged off attacks over God being a woman, or Adam and Eve being portrayed by people of color.

The Book of Job is lampooned in Season 2. I know it doesn't feel like it to many people here, but the reinterpretation of the Book of Job in S2 definitely registers as blasphemy on some religious scales. It is satirizing a religious text after all.

Saying that angels and demons fall in love and worse, have that love be portrayed by actors of the same sex could be seen as blasphemy at the very least on the level of saying God is a woman. And by the way, it's not like these religious texts say "God is whatever you want the entity to be" or "God is a woman if that makes you happy". Hell no, the Bible is extremely damn clear on God being male. The official position of the Catholic Church is that God is male. Official Catholic dogma is incredibly anti-female in terms of inherent holiness, women cannot become priests, even nuns are dependent on a priest to deliver the Sacraments, it's a huge deal and they are not planning to change any time soon and it is totally unambiguous.

Making God explicitly female might not seem like a big deal since films like Dogma, another religious satire, did it in the 90s but to True Believes in the official doctrine, that is a form of blasphemy.

Good Omens is by definition a blasphemous work. How offensively blasphemous it is really depends on the devoutness of the viewer. And I find it interesting the extent to which there's something of a knee jerk, "Oh they won't do that!" in terms of further satirizing religion in the show about religious satire. As if Jesus hasn't been satirized in other mainstream movies before like the aforementioned Dogma or Life of Brian.

And here's the thing, my personal opinion is? Blasphemy is good! Blasphemy laws on the books mean it's ok to punish, hurt, or even kill a person for making fun of religion or just doing the religion wrong. Human progress has been frozen in place by blasphemy laws, sciences have progressed when blasphemy laws ease or often while deliberately concealing their efforts from authorities in places where blasphemy laws or laws that were otherwise based on the dominant religion exist.

If anything, I am actually a bit uncomfortable with the idea that Good Omens should hold back on lampooning a figure like Jesus Christ. If devout Christians will make laws that determine what other humans can do with their bodies based on their religion, then their religion should absolutely be open to outright mockery without punishment or ramification to anyone. Of course on an individual level I wouldn't wish to be offensive to someone sincerely religious but at the same time, I am also violently anti-censorship of any kind. And blasphemy and religious mockery are often right at the heart of censorship debates.

The world is a better place when we can openly mock religion.

I'm not going to caveat that as an opinion. Being able to openly and without fear discuss, criticize, and mock religion is an incredibly important part of any free society. The battles over this right have been vicious and bloody and are actively ongoing around the world. Just as an example, anti-blasphemy laws were on the books in Ireland until 2020, there was a huge campaign to have them removed because other countries were pointing to them as an example of why they should keep and exercise such laws.

My point is that I suppose this is something of hyperbole or alarmist or overly strident. I can understand people wanting to be decent about not openly mocking a figure of such importance to so many like Jesus. But quite honestly? I hope Good Omens does whatever it pleases with mocking Jesus. I hope they don't hold back. I hope people remember that being able to mock religion is really important, especially when representatives of that religion are actively trying to clamp down on the rights of others.

And honestly, if religious people are offended they should just not watch or they should develop a thicker skin if they expose themselves to such discourse. Religion and Christianity in particular is an active part of the public sphere. It is worthy of discussion. Public discourse often includes mockery, especially of the powerful and of powerful forces that steer the course of nations, like Christianity.

And I think it's important for Good Omens fans, who are a very progressive group, not to cherry pick and moralize over what satire or blasphemy is permitted. All satire should be permitted. All blasphemy should be permitted. The religious bigots don't care if you think God being a woman is ok but making fun of Jesus isn't. It's all the same, anything but glowing praise is criticism to some of these forces. Open discussion is far more important and yes, that includes mockery, and silly discussions in a silly show about an angel and a demon who avert the Apocalypse and fall in love.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Garden of Secrets - Extra Scene 3

Married.

He was married now.

Benedict hadn’t stopped pacing in the room ever since he and Charlie had got there in order to get away from the chaos of the hundreds of guests his family had apparently decided to invite to the wedding breakfast. Judging by the way his wife of two hours had walked away from him the moment they had reached the house-

His wife.

Jesus Christ.

He still couldn’t believe they were actually married. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on, and when he first saw her walk down the aisle, he was quite certain that this was a dream.

Now he understood how Paris felt in the presence of Helen.

Or how mere mortals felt in the presence of Venus, for that matter.

“She—she married me,” Benedict said and Charlotte absentmindedly turned a page in his sketch book, barely casting him a glance. If it were any other time, he would have asked her opinion on his latest sketches but now—

Now he couldn’t even bring himself to worry about whether his sketches looked good or not.

“I know Benny,” she said. “I was there, as the maid of honor.”

“I’m a married man now.”

“Yes you are.”

“To her.”

“Mm hm.”

Dear God, it felt as if the room was getting warmer by the second. His hand shot up to loosen his cravat a little and he took a deep breath.

“I don’t know the first thing about being a good husband, how did I—” he pointed at the door. “Goddamn Anthony was supposed to marry first, not me!”

Charlotte looked up from the sketchbook and thought for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders.

“He will when he falls in love,” she said, crossing her legs as she laid on her back, holding the sketchbook up so that she could see the pages while lying down on the sofa. “Why are you panicking?”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are—aw Benny! You sketched her!”

Benedict pressed his palms on his eyes, then dropped his hands.

“Charlie.”

“Yes?”

“What if I turn out to be a terrible husband?”

Charlotte lowered the sketchbook to shoot him a glance.

“I don’t really know much about terrible husbands,” she said. “I haven’t seen or heard about what they do.”

“And you will not,” Benedict said. “Your future husband has to talk to me after your father.”

Charlotte shrugged her shoulders again. “I’ll make sure to let him know,” she said airily and smiled when she turned the page. “Has she seen these?”

Benedict swallowed thickly and shook his head. “No.”

“You should show her!”

“…Yeah maybe later.”

“I think she’d like it,” Charlotte said. “I mean look at all this, it’s like—"

“Charlie,” Benedict cut her off. “I mean it. What if I’m a terrible husband and she hates me?”

Charlotte rolled her eyes and sat up in the sofa. “She could never hate you Benny, you two are in love!”

Benedict’s heart skipped a beat as guilt washed over him just like it did every time he had to lie to Charlotte. He knew he had to, Anthony had given him an earful when he had figured out he hadn’t told Charlotte the story about his sudden engagement but…

He couldn’t find it in him to break Charlotte’s heart with it.

“Yeah,” he managed to say. “We are but— what if she wasn’t?”

“What if she wasn’t in love with you?” Charlotte scoffed a laugh. “Well then she wouldn’t have married you, easy as that.”

Right.

It was supposed to be as easy as that for sure.

“I honestly don’t understand why you’re so stressed about this,” Charlotte said. “You love her, do you not?”

“Of course I love her,” he said, without even a second of hesitation and Charlotte motioned at him.

“There you go.”

Truth to be told, Benedict could hardly believe there was a time when he wasn’t in love with her, when he had no idea of her existence. It was as if his whole life before her was a waste; or merely the waiting process until meeting her.

It felt absurd, really. All this time he had read about love, tried to paint it, tried to understand it while she was right there, hidden away from his gaze until just a couple of months ago.

And he still couldn’t tell whether she loved him, or whether she would love him. It was nearly torment as she told him it would be, yet he still couldn’t help but hope...

That she would love him.

He was no fool, he could see that the desire was there. Even before their kiss in the garden or their first dance; it had been there for a while. That fire he was feeling whenever he so much as looked at her or inhaled her scent or touched her hand, even in those stolen moments where her glare turned into a tentative softness—

But that wasn’t love.

And today something had changed.

At the chapel and even on the way back home, he could see that she was trembling and it had taken his all willpower not to hold her. She had more or less thrown herself out of the carriage as soon as it had stopped, and the message was clear as day. Benedict had a feeling that pushing her to talk would backfire terribly no matter how much he wanted otherwise, and he knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t going to tell him anything until she wanted to do so.

He had hoped she would at least start trusting him a little after saying their vows but so far, this whole day had proved him otherwise.

He ran his hand through his hair and let out a breath.

“Has she told you anything?” Benedict asked and Charlotte looked up from the sketches.

“Hm?”

“Has she told you anything today? Before the wedding or after?”

“Well I’ve barely had the chance to talk to her after the wedding because you dragged me here,” she reminded him. “And before…I don’t know, she was just nervous. Who wouldn’t be?”

“Right,” he said as he started pacing again. “I feel like I should’ve read books or something.”

“On what?”

“How to be a good husband, I’m sure some idiot somewhere wrote a manual about it.”

“I don’t think you need a manual.”

“It certainly feels like I need a manual,” Benedict said as he brushed a hand over his face. “Half of the time I can’t even tell what she’s thinking, and now we’re married and some day I will say the wrong thing or do something wrong on accident and will lose her forever—”

“Benny,” Charlotte cut him off. “Stop. Just answer me one thing.”

“What?”

“You’re in love with her, yes?”

“She’s the love of my life.”

“And you’d do anything for her?”

“Anything. I would die for her.”

Charlotte repressed a smile and tilted her head.

“And you want to make her happy?”

“There’s nothing I want more in life,” Benedict said and shook his head. “Everything else but her comes second.”

Charlotte thought for a moment and shrugged her shoulders.

“Sounds like something a good husband would say or think,” she stated. “I think you’ll do just fine, and you know how I’m always right about everything.”

Benedict felt a small smile pull at his lips. “Thanks Charlie.”

“Anytime,” she said with a grin and turned her head when someone knocked on the door.

“Ben?” Colin’s voice carried into the room before the door opened. “Lottie, hello. Ben you’re needed, come with me.”

Benedict heaved a sigh. “I greeted almost everyone downstairs—”

“It’s not the guests.”

Benedict pulled his brows together. “What? Who then?”

Colin cleared his throat and pointed back with his thumb. “Your wife just passed out.”

Benedict’s heart dropped, his breath getting caught in his throat and he stared at Colin for a moment before rushing past him out of the room with Charlotte following him suit.

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 16

Howdy folks,

I went into a state of psychosis this week and read a truly absurd amount of fics... again. I don't even know where I'm finding the time, truly, but here we are. I didn't spend as much time keeping up with the WIPs I'm reading, so honestly that's probably it. Also I had a lil monsterfucking moment one day this week. I'll highlight those green so if you want to avoid reading the summaries/thots on those they're easy to spot.

You can find my Spreadsheet here and all my previous recs here! Do feel free to tag me in your works and I will happily give them a look and most likely you'll see them here the next week!

Recs below the behind the scenes Joel!

SNAFU - a Frankie series by @theywhowriteandknowthings

The Triple Frontier boys as Shifters!!! This honestly makes so much sense? Like they work SO well with this dynamic. I adore Pope and Reader's bond like right out of the gate. What I really, really fucking loved though was Reader and Frankie, of course. I love how they characterized him and I really love the way that Frankie and reader bonded over time. Frankie being grumpy is so fun lol. A lot of the little details in this fic are what really make it good, ya know? The pack dynamics, the bonding moments, the badass reader, reader's uhhh issue (spoiler, I think, so I'll be quiet here) but yeah. Just. Wonderful. Can't wait for more.

only daddy that'll walk the line - a Joel one shot by @millerscoffee

So this request was sent to two different blogs and I read them both and loved them both. I read this one first. I really fucking loved Reader's dynamic with Joel in this. Joel is such a dick lmao. I thought the situation with reader's dad was done well and I also loved the hinting at Joel's trauma. And of course... the smut. God that was hot. Joel is so fucking dominant. The spitting? please. and Reader keeping up the brat thing just really fucking makes it. She needed Daddy Joel to make her behave lmao. SO GOOD

Little Bee - a Joel one shot by @atticrissfinch

And this is the other version of this request that I read. I related to the specifc brand of Daddy Issues in this one lmao. Dad who doesn't want you so you look for a protective older man (why am I like this). I loved the way reader antagonized Joel in this. The denture comment is hilarious. The bee motif is fuckin great, also. I like that Joel kind of initiates things in the mess hall. The smut is so god damn hot man. Like jesus fucking christ. And then the post nut clarity really made me giggle. "should not have done that" PLS

Closer - a Joel series by @beardedjoel

Hot neighbor!joel!! This is a smut marathon style fic with a good bit of feelings. The smut is sooooo good!! I really liked her friend Sofia too. I'm about halfway through this and I can't wait to see how reader and joel's relationship develops!

Rises the Moon - a Joel one shot by @psychedelic-ink

(monsterfucking, but you're the monster! also monster is being used very loosely here) mermaid reader x lighthouse operator joel!!! I really enjoyed this. The mermaid reader was super interesting. I wanted to know more about her background, honestly. And the way poor lonely Joel so desperately wanted to care for her UGH. It was seriously lovely. I also really liked how reader didn't commit to like... giving up being a mermaid for him (even just once a month), and he didn't ask her to. The ending is really lovely. (And the smut is hot idc if I couldn't quite imagine how it worked, it was perfect).

Playing with fire - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Super hot smutty lil dad's best friend one shot. I love when Joel gets all pissy. Makes me want to tease him even more lmao

Cupid's Chokehold - a Din one shot by @deathwife

I haven't read a body swap fic before and I must say the dynamic with it being Din, so reader can't see his face even though it's her face, and also the smut was just like... really good. I was fascinated the whole time + the smut was hot as hell. It's really fun to read it from the perspective of the dick owner lmao. I really adored their relationship and just overall thought this was lovely. Reader calls Din "Djarin" so if you're like me and marrying Din would give you an awful name (Din Gin....), you're not alone. <3

I think i know - a Joel one shot by @pascalisbaby

OMG Reader's sister is so mean in this she fucking deserves Joel cheating on her. Yes this is Sister's Husband!Joel. And yes it's really fucking hot. Reader is a menace to fucking society in this prancing around half naked and seducing a married man and I support every second of it. I know what Joel said at the end but I think he'll be back for more....

close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise - a Joel/Tommy series by @ozarkthedog

Raider (?) Tommy and Joel are so fucking hot. Read the warnings on this one kids, it's gonna be a rough one. Nothing happens in this part though, really. Basically you're stranded on the road (post outbreak / pre tess) and Joel and Tommy roll up in their truck and take you to their cabin.

a day in the filth - a Joel one shot by @toxicanonymity

This is pure filth, as the title implies. It would seem you're Joel's little sex toy, essentially. Brat tamer!Daddy!Joel. There's a lot going on here and it is all unreasonably hot.

Bodily Exchange - a Pero Tovar one shot by @absurdthirst

I finally caved a read a mafia fic and somehow it wasn't Joel. I really loved how much of a fucking dick Tovar was and how bratty reader was. The end was so much sweeter than expected, which was a nice surprise. Such a filthy fic with a sweet happy ending!

New York or Nowhere - a Joel series by @beskarandblasters

BODEGA JOEL!!! I love when you're trying to help your friend come up with a fic based on a very specific request and somehow you come up with a completely different fic altogether. New York transplant Joel owns Beldro's Deli. You think he's really hot but your friends think he's a creep. I personally think if he's a little bit of a creep that just makes it better, but then again I'm a little insane <3

Shiver and Shake - a Joel one shot by @multiversed-daydreamer

I have ADHD and literally do the thing where I have thought spirals during sex. I loved this take on that experience and mean ol dom Joel being there to bring your focus back where it belongs (on him). Super fucking hot ugh. And it was their first TLOU fic and I thought the QZ Joel characterization was spot on <3

Roads - a Joel series by @milla-frenchy

Baby's first fic!! So you grew up with Tommy, best friends and all that. You get to know Joel as an adult and there's a spark right away. The first installment here takes place 3 years before present day, after Joel breaks your heart and you literally move to get away from him. The promise of so much angst has me salivating almost as much as the really hot smut.

Promise - an Ezra one shot by @criticallyacclaimedstranger

MONSTERFUCKING! I had a little binge this week.. you'll see. Anyway Ezra is a literal actual dragon in this with a big ol dragon dick and everything. This fic includes so many wild ass kinks I simply do not (or did not know I?) have. And yet I still loved it. Thought it was super fucking hot. I really liked the imagery of the castle and the bedroom. Also the end was kind of sweet?

Common Courtesies - a Din one shot by @juletheghoul

More monsterfucking -- demon!din! I fucking love Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen in general. Mr. Darcy is one of the literary loves of my life. This little Pride and Prejudice-esque Demon!Din fic hit every mark. I loved it so much. Din is so charming and mysterious and sexy ugh. I would marry him in a heartbeat.

Solum - a Dave York one shot by @ezrasbirdie

You guessed it! Monsterfucking. Demon!Dave York!!! I really enjoyed the blending of the movie plot with the demon arc! It was so well done!! Dave was super sexy in this ugh. I too feel a strange pull toward extremely dangerous men covered in blood. Reader gets me. I am her. She is me. Demon!Dave can take me as his little human sex toy any day, idc. I also kind of loved that he was so sweet on Carol in this? Like usually in Dave fics he kinda hates her or cheats on her or she's his ex, but in this one the whole catalyst was keeping her and his girls safe. Very sweet.

Sell My Soul For You - a Marcus P one shot by @absurdthirst

--monsterfucking-- Marcus is so sweet. So sweet that Reader is getting a little aggravated he can't be a less sweet in bed. (Girl have you tried like... talking to him about it?) Anyway, sweet, impulsive, reckless Marcus finds out you feel this way via buttdial and does he like... work on it with you and slowly learn to be better? No. He goes out and sells his soul to a demon to be a better Dom. Idiot. He's cute tho, so I'll let it slide. The smut is super fucking unreasonably hot, of course.

Bad Moon Rising - a Jack series by @wardenparker

--werewolf!Jack-- This fic is actually so fucking sweet!! So part one, Reader doesn't know Jack is a werewolf and he just kinda shows up on her ranch and they hit it off immediately. There's lots of lovely animal references and stuff and it's all really hot. I love the plot too!! this is not just werewolf porn! Shit is incredible! I love the characterization. But anyway if you're not into monsterfucking just read part one. Part two tho... oh boy. Full on werewolf sex. And reader has a kink for it! She's just like me fr.

Kudzu - an Ezra one shot by @beskarberry

--weird alien hybrid ezra-- I have lots of emotions about this fic. First of all, read the warnings. They're extensive and they're there for good reason. I love a good horror fic, which is kind of what this felt like? Like the weird tension and unknowing and the freaky way Ez is talking and that arm. I was thoroughly freaked out (and I love that!!). There were so many clever and interesting things going on in this fic AHHHH, Oh and the ending is just like super sweet and wonderful and so good? The end balances out the kind of horrific nature of the rest of the fic. Also if any of that sounds insulting I really don't mean it that way, I promise. I went in to it expecting to be freaked out and it delivered so well.

Yes Father - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your boring catholic husband doesn't fuck you right and you really want to leave him, so Father Joel helps you satisfy your needs so you don't destroy your marriage and go to hell. I love blasphemy. It's hot idc. I think my favorite thing about it is Father Joel randomly admonishing you for foul language and taking the lord's name in vain while he's literally got some part of his body buried in yours. I giggled. I really adore this. It was super fun and super hot.

Pillow Talk - a Joel one shot by @theboredinsomniac

Joel is soooo the jealous type. This fic is basically y'all having an adult conversation about him being an insecure jealous little bitch and it's got the most adorable ending.

Born to Run - a Marcus Pike series by @whataperfectwasteoftime

Penny's Marcus is just perfect. Every damn time. Unless I'm mistaken, this was her first Marcus fic? I was in the mood for a sweet multichapter thing with some hot smut and I was sooooo not disappointed by this. I'm on chapter 8 now, so about halfway through. Marcus is so sweet and precious and still impulsive as ever, but unlike Theresa, reader is right there with him. I really adore that this fic takes place in KY (and it really captures the vibe of Kentucky too) since I'm from there! I very much do not relate to the fact that reader is a marathon runner, but that's okay. I think it's really cool and I love the way they meet and that Marcus isn't fully a white knight? She can take care of herself. Super fucking cute fic ugh. Oh yeah and the smut is to die for jesus christ Marcus is hot.

----------------------

Happy Reading!

[spirkkock]

Y’all I was drunkenly hooking up with a stranger a couple weeks ago and he was like “lol what do you like to watch” and my autistic ass thought he was just asking a genuine question…. Trying to learn a little about me… and I said “oh my fucking god have you seen The Terror it’s so good”

And he, I kid you not, put that shit on the TV while I was trying to get him out of his clothes. I was too out of it to recognize the absurdity of it at the time but Jesus Christ, two autistic nerds trying to get laid results in fucking nasty while watching the most morose show one could think of.

[moesartblog]

Couple of arcane thoughts/critiques so I can move on from it and go back to doing my promare stuff

- they really screwed the pooch just letting the class issues just sorta fall to the wayside to do some sort of “there’s a bigger enemy so we gotta work together:)”

- it’s actually absurd that Jayce and viktor didn’t kiss lol idc

- caitvi was another thing that just kinda got fucked. I would have rather they went the direction of either: vi is basically fully on board with enforcer activities now, even if she doesn’t want to wear the suit, and her and cait are essentially antagonists toward the people of Zaun(including the complexities of their characters still, but they remain pretty clear antagonists), OR vi has a realization about cait, and gets back some of her revolutionary spirit (that she kinda just lost??) and just fully breaks up with her. The decision to have both cait and vi commit chemical warfare on the undercity under the guise of cleaning up the streets and then both getting a cuddly ending is very off putting. Not to say they didn’t go through shit later, but to end off their stories like that was not good, to me. (Idc about prospective future stories with them, I’m critiquing what we have now as a series end). There could be a direction where cait and vi both abandon piltover to fight for zaun but that’d take some serious work.

- vi is not butch simply by the fact that was was a cop, and then decided to continue dating a cop. I’m not gonna argue about this lol

- I do not begrudge anyone at all for getting a bad taste in their mouth about caitvi. That’s an oppressed person being paired up with their oppressor, and then becoming an oppressor themselves.

- I want to see viktor and Mel bonding over puzzle solving

- it didn’t escape my notice that many of the oppressed main characters in the show were white, and many of the higher class, or colonialist types were people of color, and there’s something especially egregious about making two dark skin black women the main beneficiaries of violent control over lower class people. Mel did end up going against her mother but is it not implied she’s taking up her mother’s mantle? And like we all know a system this corrupt cannot be changed from the inside. I really don’t have faith that the writers are going to dissect that aspect of the best they could do for the piltover/zaun conflict was “we defeated a common enemy and now you guys have 1(ONE) seat on the council. :))”

- god damn the fucking back and forth I’ve seen between people being homophobic against jayvik to like defend Mel’s honor(??) and the jayvik people who are being horribly anti-black about Mel’s character. The fucking anti-black racism from caitvi fans when people call out its toxic nature. Jesus Christ.

- I feel like what happened after Jayce and viktor went into the stone was they went SOMEWHERE else idk where, but also the “souls” or whatever of the people viktor turned also went there as well(at least that’s how I interpreted all those yellow silhouettes circling them. I also want to believe Sky ended up wherever they are now to so we can unfuck the fridging of a black woman for white guy pain lol. I wanna see viktor Jayce and sky rediscovering their love of discovery and inventing. Wherever they are they can try to develop a new sort of commune.

- in this other place, I’d rather see viktor have at least some of his structural disabilities come back into play. This new place they’re in they could develop into a more accessible way of living. It could also be that, as an example, salo is there and can no longer walk again, they all just have to learn to work with it. This isn’t super ironed out in my head.

- sevika should have ended up a revolutionary leader of zaun idc she shouldn’t be forced to sit on a council full of people who hate everyone where she’s from

- one of the creators trying to frame the division of zaun and piltover as two essentially equal opponents fighting each other I think really highlights the issues with the fundamental centrism of the series. And before I hear ppl being like “you expected the billion dollar game studio known for being terrible to be doing a revolutionary story line?” , I say even if you don’t expect a show to be doing more revolutionary political storytelling, it’s still important to point out these issues anyway.

- people who say “this can’t be copaganda they show the enforcers being shit so much!” Are just really trying not to understand how copaganda can operate. All it takes is “but don’t worry there are good ones too!” (Caitlyn??) To be copaganda. Copaganda isn’t just “we portray all the cops as good all the time” it’s “we still have faith in the institution of policing, even if some of them are bad meanies >:( “

- I don’t for one second buy that separate universe where piltover and zaun are now at peace with each other and the implication being that that lack of hextech is the cause. That is a reflection of a reality that simply does not operate the way actually oppressive structures operate. The elite will do what they will to maintain their hold on their power, whatever means they can. I’ve seen a lot of theories about like what other changes there might have been but it really all seems to boil down to “oh in this universe, no hextech, and the two sides talked it out :) “ like I was half expecting it do do a turn part way through and reveal that actually no there’s still major structural issues in the undercity, it’s just that this part (with ekko jinx vander etc) got a piece of the pie which I think would have been more interesting, and would have implied that yeah actually the issue is still the oppressive class structure, not a few random individuals actions. I liked the episode still but I wish they did something more interesting with it than just “this is the GOOD universe”. I think it would have also given ekko a better reason to return ultimately to his universe, or at least given the decision more weight but that’s just a personal opinion.

- I wanted to see Sevikas grief over isha even if it wasn’t super obvious

- when Mel walked out of that black rose building into that sunny field, I wanted so bad to see a spin off of her just adventuring around the world

- this has less to do with arcane and more with media in general but I’m TIRED of stories of scientists who end up corrupted by the work they do. Like every fucking time. I think it’s trying to parallel figures like Oppenheimer but like it’s always presented as an individual failing rather than a systemic issue with things like that, yet again. I mean like Jurassic park, the scientists hold some culpability but it was Hammonds weird rich person hubris that ultimately allowed it to unfold the way it did. That happens a lot irl too. There are scientists who can be responsible for heinous things, but we seem to conveniently forget who was funding these things to begin with.

[jade-kyo]

Season 17 post restoration thoughts

Casually skipping 16 and going straight to 17 because lord knows I can’t afford to lose anymore braincells. I genuinely enjoy this season so I’m looking forward to the rewatch!

Ngl jumping straight from 15 to 17 really highlights how absurd this is like bro why is there gods and shit omg 😂

The fates are racist- that explains a lot

Donut my sweet baby boy

You know as much as I hate time travel stories this works way better for a “lets reference and call back to as many previous arcs and seasons as possible” nostalgia trip than Restoration did

Okay while I personally prefer the take that Donut is fully aware of all the innuendos he makes and is doing it to be a little shit I do think it being unintentional is really funny considering the ace Donut thing

“You have me all wrong” “I doubt it.” Donut the master at not getting gaslit

Donut knows Wash’s name is David- meaning Wash must have told all the reds and blues his real name

JESUS CHRIST DONT KILL JUNIOR

Felix is afraid of knives

Man I love it when Dr. Grey sounds like herself

We love insurance fraud

DONUT WASH TEAM UP MY BELOVED

Wash just silently shooting Donut again has me wheezing holy shit

The Wash and Carolina conflict is so freaking good man I love them

Man this season is just genuinely entertaining to watch despite everything- the way I wish we could’ve gotten this character writing with a better story

Oh what’s that a way to reference back to all the freelancers that includes Wyoming and the triplets. The concepts are wild again.

Also it’s just genuinely hilarious

WASH SCREAMING INSIDE HIS HELMET

DELTA OMG I FORGOT HE WAS IN THIS SEASON

I need to find the ost for when Wash and Carolina reunite and she’s saying how she trusts him and doesn’t know why bro this music is so pretty

Seriously I’m enjoying this as a nostalgia trip so much more than restoration

Oh I can feel my inner 15 year old desperately trying to take control of my body and send me down the carwash pipeline again holy shit- platonic or romantic. They’re good either way 🙂

OH GOD THE CABOOSE FEELS AGAIN THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

Kai I love you with all my heart and soul but you do not disrespect Junior like that

STOP BEING MEAN TO DONUT HE IS DOING HIS BEST

Yes Caboose IS a genius and also my son

Kai messing with Tucker is glorious holy shit is that bit funny I love them

“Time is made of circles” what a nice, funny and succinct callback. Look at those concepts being wild.

Not Tucker dropping the “your mom” bit on Doc AGSKHAKS

HELL YEAH DONUT YOU FUCKING TELL THEM THATS MY BABY BOI!!!

PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wash might be a competitor with Church for number one Donut Stan

Or simulation headcanon: Church is projecting his liking of Donut onto Wash

Okay but Donut should be in the caves not under the pelican FR PEOPLE STOP FORGETTING ABOUT THE CAVES!!!

Laughs in Spanish

I love competent Caboose and Donut

“My testicles send their regards” has no right being as badass as it is

Love a good Tucker moment- sure wish it wasn’t just redoing his character development that never should’ve been undone to begin with

OKAY BUT TUCKER AND DONUT MOMENT THO???? So good- can’t believe Donut is the “angsty bitch”

WASH AND CAROLINA AKDHAKBSKSHSKDHK

Love them talking about the AI like they’re Carolina’s siblings

Holy shit the voice acting between these two is so good

“If he’s single there’s no hope for any of us” sargington nation rise

Sarcastic Donut my beloved

I said this last time but seeing Church impaled by a golf club, even if it is actually Genkins, is entirely unnecessary bro I don’t wanna see that

THE LABYRINTH!!!

GOD CAROLINA VS CAROLINA AGAJSHKAH FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

Sarges vision is further proof that the correct ending for him is retirement

OKAY I STILL HATE THE LOPEZ VISION LISTEN I GET HE COMES BACK BUT ITS JUST IN POOR TASTE

“Don’t say toodles” LOVE sassy Donut so much

DOC BADASS MOMENT LETS GO

GRIF SIBLINGS MY BELOVED

Grif enlisted reveal you will always be famous to me

I never actually thought about it too deeply before but now that I am holy shit do I love that detail it’s so good and actually reminds me of my own brother who enlisted for similar reasons and regrets it now- seriously Grif enlisting is so realistic, a lot of kids sadly think the military is the only thing that can give them structure and purpose. It’s a great addition to the anti military themes of RvB

And yet- despite all these good red team moments- THEY FUCKING TURNED SIMMONS INTO A PENIS JOKE???? AND A BAD ONE AT THAT?????? COME ON S17 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS THATS SOME S16 NONSENSE

TUCKER CANONICALLY HAS PANIC ATTACKS- the fact they kept his visions so vague is truly a CRIME

“Still got my penis” “what-“ GOD DAMN IT THAT ONE WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY COME ON I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A POINT EARLIER

AND WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO CABOOSE- honestly I know they probably didn’t have this arc planned back then but they should’ve used the labyrinth for Caboose to find closure in Church’s death rather than the Time Machine nonsense in s15. I feel like that would’ve been infinitely more interesting.

Carolina vs Carolina MY BELOVED HOLY SHIT I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

OH FUCK THE FREELANCER TRAINING ROOM IM AKDHKAHSKSH THIS SHIT IS SO GOOD

GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET WE LOVE THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

Caboose gets it!!

GOD THE SLOW PIANO COVER OF BLOOD GULCH BLUES I CANT

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Man what nice fairly satisfying conclusions to everyone’s arc- don’t we love wild concepts.

Sure maybe it’s not anything super poetic or perfect like 13 but at least it makes sense

Hell I’ve even warmed up to Donut leaving! Bro deserves some him time and it’s not like he said it was permanent or anything… doesn’t that just really hit you in the wild concept 🙂

You know what- this season is genuinely such a delight at times. Im thinking about adding it to my regular rewatch list along with 1-13 as just like a little bonus I can have at the end cause it’s just such fun. Glorified fanfiction! We love to see it- maybe Restoration sucking was a blessing in disguise cause it really gave me a new appreciation for 15 and 17 (but 17 especially). I probably won’t rewatch 15 as much cause being honest I don’t really enjoy it in its entirety as much as 17 but it’s got good moments I love.

Now- I know the logical thing for me to do is go back and watch 16 and then Restoration but here’s the thing… I don’t want to.

I genuinely do not enjoy those seasons. I don’t want to put myself through something that’s just gonna make me angry and bitter just for the sake of giving commentary on them- not right now anyway. Maybe one day I’ll feel like being a bit salty and do it but that’s just really not how I want to spend my time with my favorite show. I’ve already rewatched any clips from restoration that I cared to rewatch and I don’t think any of my feelings on it are gonna change. And I’ve seen 16 enough times to know my feelings won’t change.

Now what I am considering doing is rewatching 1-13 for the 20th time (<- accurate number, I’ve kept count over the years) and continuing to do these thought posts cause they’re good fun to do! So who knows whenever the time comes you’ll probably have to deal with more of my insane ramblings 😂

[arcsin27]

Reviewing all the stories in junji ito maniac because I can, fuck you :)

The strange hikizuri siblings - uhh okay. Not scary nothing even happened. Okay a guy was a jealous simp, little kids are just like that, some guy threw up bread dough ig, then a ghost stared at everyone for a while and dipped the end

The story of the mysterious tunnel - Jesus Christ that was pretty spooky what the hell. Lost my marbles when he assumed the drop was water, and the kid in the ceiling fucked me up with her voice (dub) and screams

Ice cream bus - im never eating ice cream again. Jokingly compared the driver to William afton fnaf in the beginning but he was somehow worse. The dad pushing the kid away jumpscared me, then horrified me, and I needed a break from the show

Hanging balloon - so absurd it was kinda funny. The nonlinear storytelling added a bit if spook as I slowly realized who was at the window but idk the concept was just funny to me. Also I was so happy someone finally showed up to a horror plot strapped until I saw the result. Sorry random Chad with a crossbow, wish you coulda helped…

Four x four walls - thought something horrific would happen outside and he wouldn’t hear it but it didn’t, thought soichi was famous for being scary but he wasnt, I think this was like a comic relief in episode form. No spook, kinda funny

The sandman’s lair - *laughs nervously* what the fuck. No clue what happened, why would you tape yourselves like that, let me see his dream form damnit, the nature of humanity is we reinvent homestuck etc

Intruder - these kids are based tbh. Balls of steel, don’t blame the redhead, just move on with their lives

Long hair in the attic - also based, i had wondered where her head had gone but i shoulda known by the title, that grinding sound pissed me off tho

Mold - thank. God. It was in black and white. I choose to believe its dust. Also idc about culture or taboo if your floor is coated in inches of ropes and pools of mold just wear your damn shoes. Jesus Christ

Library vision - this one felt like it was calling out all of my anxieties about losing the things and memories precious to me. Also 10/10 Sean chiplock that final recital of hell of thorns was incredible and spooky. Also what the fuck was the ending

Tomb town - im never driving again. Also just call the cops surely you get a reduced sentence for actually reporting the crime. Other than that not scary lol

Layers of terror - im never picking my skin again. god ALMIGHTY why did i bear witness to this. Fuck that mom bro she sucks. I was thinking about how the proportions of human anatomy change as you age and how a toddler with such short limbs and a thick torso could fit inside an adult but uh… then they answered my question. And then it got worse. Funnily enough the 2yo looked like a monster id design

The thing that drifted ashore - was this supposed to be scary…? Oh boy they turned into fish people and promptly fucked off good for them ig

Tomie • photo - wow what bitches lmfao. Idk why she has a face growing out of her scalp hut I didn’t need to see the removal process. Or how botched the removal process was. Based that the photographer just fuckin moved on. “Damnit the blood ruined my pictures :/“ incredible.

Unendurable labyrinth - probably woulda been scarier if they were lost for longer but to me it looked like they took five steps, found the brother, seven steps, “aaaah we’re lost,” two steps, “theyre looking at me!” then suddenly the mummies have eyes, fade to black. Cool

The bully - I was sooo ready for retribution, then I got reconciliation and got even happier, then it turned into child abuse and I wanted to kill a bitch

Alley - pfft idk if its based that she killed those kids or not but it was extra based that they got revenge on her lmao shoulda brought a ladder bro

Headless statue - Jesus fuck that’s gross. Stop it. Also smash the statues again it worked brilliantly earlier. Or maybe jump out a window idk

Whispering woman - mega based. The nervous girl gains support and confidence, the attendant is freed from her abusive friend, the abusive friend gets violently killed, its just wins all around

Soichi’s beloved pet - once again a comic relief episode but tbh it was pretty funny, soichi was a lot less hateable this time too!

[slapjacq]

Thoughts as I listen to s1 ep6-while you were hypersleeping 2:

Ep 6:

MF WHAT-

HOW WAIT WHAT WHATS GOING ON-

KAREN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

KAREN? WIAR WHAG-

WHAG THIS FUCKING EARLY

WARREN WAIT DUDE WTF ARE YOU IN FOR

Someone needs to punch someone else this instant and, specifically, I think Warren should be able to sock this Clive dude in the face

HOLY SHIT HE DID

SO MANY QUESTIONS JESUS

HES FOING BACK TO SLEEP WHAT-

While you were hyper sleeping (whole mini series):

GORDON I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

he’s me fr

oh Warren this poor fucker bro is not having a good time

Clive is such an asshole and I can’t help but love his antics

Also the Shining references both thematically and just from the dialogue is top tier shit to me

S2 ep1:

44 FUCKING YEARS

AND THEY WERE LESBIANS

WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY BOY GORDON I JUST GOT ATTACHED WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS-

I feel like I’m spiraling through space and time good fucking lord

ep 2:

Oh okay wait I think I’m getting it now

Oh Christ the dead frozen body??? Always when I’m eating never when I’m chilling

Oh god oh what the fuck are those sounds

I have zero trust in ms ma’am Bryony and she should be allowed to do everything I may not trust her but I trust the shit she does. She’s batshit, she’s insane, but by god would I follow her to the ends of the earth.

oh wait wow no she’s crazy crazy slay

Also poor Gordon just keeps going through it

And shoutout my pet hamster Warren this mf is just dying and then dying all over again isn’t he

Ep3:

Warren isn’t girlbossing his way through, he’s just fucking dissociated. Lemme tell you I cannot blame the man.

OH AND HES GONE MF LMAO

HES LOVES SNOW

MAZDA BONGO FRIENDEE LETS GO BOYS IT WAS AUBREY THE WHOLE TIME

Shoutout absurdism ig

“I think I scared the shit out of him” what is with insane women scaring the shit out of pathetic archivists in podcasts

Also the fact that all of the ladies in this show are absolutely insane is just so dear to me. And not just like feral insane, but like victor Frankenstein insane anyways shoutout Mary Shelley. Forces of nature to be dealt with but just the forces of nature are making these ladies need shoulder rubs from their girlfriends or hands on therapy (aka threatening some loser with a saw)

Ep 4:

Warren you nutjob bless you and your crazy ass

The fact that Gordon is somehow the more sane one out of two is so funny and an insane leap from what the dynamic was between these two a season ago.

YES GET THAT MF A TORTOISE

Aubrey is so fucking right though, like trauma jokes aside how truly well adjusted could one be after the mind fuck that is hyper sleep plus the absolute insanity of dreamlike memories just peppered in between it all.

Like I distinctly remember having a really long dream where I woke up like 16 different times. And everytime for some variation of time something happened between each time I woke up and like that fucked me up for a good week. That being said I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE what it must be like to have that happen to you in real life. That just sounds like such a fucking trip Jesus

CHANNEL MF 6

While you were sleeping 2:

My head is gonna explode from the exposition so far. Plus my ✨gummy✨ just started working.

Honestly from what I’ve heard from other people, those within STEM jobs are pretty incestuous with their work. Most specialty jobs are. There’s always gonna be recycling, mainly because theres never enough funding to make the world go round so I mean yeah

Bryony is THAT BITCH though

She knows it too. Good for her.

Yeah I think that’s enough for tonight.

[its-all-or-nothing94]

Racing Hearts - Part 5 // Charles Leclerc x Reader

Summary: The relationship between you and Charles is getting more serious, but you still have some doubts. Especially with a new encounter with his ex, but then you get help from an unexpected side.

Masterlist Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Warnings: Nakedness, Fluff

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

A/N: So here we go... I'm so excited for MONZA! Forza tifosi!

Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional, and any character portrayals are just how I wrote them - hence fictional! I don't know them, except my OCs.

Tagging: @liebgotts-lovergirl, @softly-writes, @bellewintersroe, @faithm120601, @needtokeepfeelingsincheck, @bbygrllllllll

The next day, after Charles had left for some meetings in the paddock, you headed to Sofia's home. You were both still buzzing from your movie night and made plans to meet up later in the day. As you entered Sofia's apartment, you heard some commotion and laughter coming from the kitchen.

"Sof, are you here... OH MY GOD!" you exclaimed, turning around quickly and covering your eyes.

You had walked in on a surprising scene – Carlos Sainz and Sofia, completely naked, entangled with each other on the floor.

"What... What the hell are you doing?" you asked, trying to keep a straight face but couldn't help chuckling a little.

Sofia laughed mischievously. "What does it look like?"

"I know what it looks like, but... what?" you inquired, still trying to avert your gaze, but then realizing they were both still on the floor in their birthday suits. "Could you please just... cover yourselves?"

"Y/N?" Sofia asked.

"What?"

"The blankets?" Sofia pointed to the blankets on the nearby couch. You quickly pulled down two blankets and tossed them to Sofia and Carlos. You heard them rustling to cover themselves.

"Okay, you can look now," Sofia announced.

You sighed, turned around, and peeked at the almost-covered duo. Then you started laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

"Wow... I... Okay, you know what, never mind. You two are old enough," you said, trying to suppress your giggles, and walked past them toward your room. Before entering, you turned around to Carlos again, his face now as red as a tomato.

"Oh, and Carlos, shouldn't you be somewhere?" you quipped.

The Spaniard looked at his watch, realizing he was late. "Oh, fuck!" He rushed into Sofia's room, leaving you two alone.

Sofia looked at you with an amused raised eyebrow. "Oh, and so it goes," she said with a playful grin.

You shook your head but couldn't stop grinning at your best friend. Carlos hurried back into the living room, now fully dressed.

"I'm so sorry, Hermosa, but I need to go," he said, his words rushed as he took Sofia's hands in his. "He pasado una noche preciosa, hermosa. Espero verte más tarde." (*T: I had a wonderful night, darling. Hope to see you later.) He gave her a quick kiss and then left the apartment in a hurry.

Sofia turned around to you, her cheeks flushed, and simply stated, "OMG," before shaking her hands and jumping around the living room. You chuckled at your best friend's reaction.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N. I... It was... Carlos is..." Sofia struggled to find the right words to describe the whirlwind of emotions she was feeling.

"Okay, why don't you take a shower and get dressed, and then you can tell me everything, okay?" you suggested with a smile, trying to give her friend some time to compose herself. "Charles is expecting us at 1 pm at the paddock."

Sofia nodded enthusiastically and rushed into her room, still buzzing with excitement from her unexpected morning encounter. As you watched your friend bounce around, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the joy Sofia brought into your life. Your day was off to an amusing start.

As Sofia emerged from her room, freshly showered and dressed, she found you flipping through the contents of your suitcase to choose an outfit for the day.

"OMG, Y/N. I just need to tell you this. Carlos and I got so drunk yesterday, and then... well, you saw. That was actually the 5th time... Jeez, that man has his game on," Sofia said with a mixture of excitement, realization, and nervousness.

You grinned, looking over at your friend. "I'm glad you had a good time. It sounds like you two hit it off pretty well."

Sofia blushed a little, a playful smile dancing on her lips. "It was amazing, Y/N. I mean, I didn't expect it at all, but the chemistry was undeniable. And the sex, I mean... Wow!"

"I'm happy for you, Sof," you said sincerely but still amused. "You deserve to have some fun and enjoy yourself."

Sofia sat down on the edge of the bed. "So, what about you and Charles? How was last night?" she asked, eagerly wanting to hear every detail.

You blushed slightly, recalling the beautiful night you spent with Charles. "It was wonderful, Sofia. We had a movie night, cuddled on the couch, and then... well, things got a bit... heated?" you said, and Sofia lifted an eyebrow. "But I stopped it because, you know, I'm not like that," you said, looking at your best friend with a smirk.

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean?" Sofia asked playfully, knowing what you tried to say.

You shook your head and chuckled. "You know what I mean, Sof."

Sofia rolled her eyes and nodded. "Suuure. But Y/N, you guys are so good together. I can see how much he cares about you. Don't let your past experiences hold you back," she encouraged.

"I know, I know. It's just... his career and the public attention, it's a lot to handle," you replied, your brows furrowing with worry. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I mean, I really, really like him!"

Sofia put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "Look, I get that it's overwhelming, but you can't let fear stop you from being happy. Take it one step at a time. Talk to Charles about your concerns and see how he feels. You won't know unless you try."

You nodded, appreciating Sofia's supportive words. "You're right, as always. I just need to open up to him and see where it leads."

"Exactly! And remember, I'm here for you every step of the way," Sofia said with a warm smile.

You hugged her friend. "Thank you, Sofia. I don't know what I'd do without you."

The two of you finished getting ready, discussing race strategy, and joking around, just like they always did.

As you headed to the paddock to join Charles and the rest of the team, you felt a sense of excitement and comfort, knowing that you had your best friend by your side and that you could face whatever the future held, with Charles or not.

You spotted Charles immediately as you walked over to the Ferrari motorhome. He saw you as well and greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.

"You made it", he said and you smiled.

"Of course."

"Where's Sofia?", he asked, and you looked over your shoulder. Sofia was just there a second ago.

"Uh, she was just here..."

Charles smiled warmly at you. "How was your morning?"

You chuckled as you thought about it. "Oh, it was quite eventful", you grinned, and Charles looked at her, amused.

Just as he wanted to ask what it was about, a blonde woman in a Ferrari outfit came running up to you. "Charles! Riunione d'emergenza. Fred vuole vedervi subito", she said in Italian.

You didn't understand it, but you knew that it was important. Charles looked briefly at you and then at the woman.

"Arrivo subito. Gianna, puoi farmi un favore?", he asked and the woman nodded. "This is Y/N. Y/N, this is Gianna, my assistant. Gianna, could you show Y/N up to the lounge and explain everything?"

Gianna nodded again. "Sure," she answered with a thick Italian accent.

You looked at Charles, confused. You were supposed to spend some time together.

Charles looked at you apologetic. "I'm so sorry, they have an emergency meeting I need to attend. I will see you later, okay?" He pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and then left in the direction of the offices. You looked after him, nodding.

Gianna led you into the motorhome and then upstairs into a lounge. There were already a lot of people talking. You cursed and were asking yourself where Sofia is.

"Okay, this is the Ferrari lounge for family and friends. Charles has some meetings now, but he will be back soon", Gianna said, and you looked at her again before you nodded.

You stood alone on the balcony, gazing down at the bustling paddock and the picturesque views of Monaco. You hung your black blazer over the railing and took a deep breath. However, your solitude was quickly interrupted by a familiar and unwelcome voice behind you, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

"Would you look at that? Charles brought his new pet," Isabella's sharp voice remarked, and you turned around to face her, trying your best to keep her composure.

Isabella glanced you up and down with a condescending sneer. "And look at you... You do know that this is Monaco and not some stray auction, right?" Isabella pointed at your simple blue baggy jeans, with the white crop top and the white high Converse your were wearing.

You took a deep breath, not wanting to stoop to Isabella's level. However, before you could respond, another voice interjected, coming to your defense.

"That's enough, Isabella."

Both you and Isabella turned around, and there stood a blonde-haired woman with a sense of authority that reminded you of your own mother. The woman had friendly eyes that you recognized from somewhere.

Isabella glared at the woman before tossing her hair over her shoulder and strutting away. "Whatever."

You watched Isabella leave and then turned your attention back to the blonde woman. "Thank you," you  said with genuine gratitude and a warm smile.

The woman smiled back, extending her hand to you. "Nothing to thank for, chérie. You must be Y/N. I'm Pascale Leclerc, Charles's mother."

Your heart skipped a beat as you shook Pascale's hand. This was Charles's mother – a significant figure in his life. "Uh, yes, that's me," you replied nervously.

"Charles told me a lot about you, Y/N. You've made quite the impression on my son," Pascale said, looking you over with a keen eye.

Feeling slightly self-conscious under Pascale's gaze, you knew that mothers would always be protective of their sons, especially when they were famous and wealthy. The concern of a potential gold digger was not unwarranted.

"I really care about Charles, Mrs. Leclerc," you said sincerely, wanting to reassure her that your feelings for Charles were genuine.

Pascale smiled warmly, seeming to appreciate your sincerity. "I can see that, chérie. I just want to make sure my son is happy and cared for. His career brings enough challenges, and I worry about the added pressure it might put on a relationship."

"I understand, and I assure you that my feelings for Charles are real," you replied earnestly. "I don't want anything from him other than to be there for him and support him in whatever way I can."

"I believe you, Y/N," Pascale said, her smile softening. "Charles is a wonderful young man, and I can see how much he cares about you too. Just take good care of each other, okay?"

You nodded, feeling relieved and grateful for Pascale's understanding. "I will, Mrs. Leclerc. I promise."

"I trust you, chérie," Pascale said warmly, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

"I can see you two have met", another voice popped up behind them, and walking through the crowd is Lorenzo. He smiled at his mother and gave her a kiss on each cheek before he repeated it with you. "Did you already scare the hell out of her, Maman?" Lorenzo chuckled.

Pascale looked at you and then back at her oldest son. "I don't think this one is scared easily if she is willing to take on the wrath of one Isabella Rossi. I'm impressed", Pascale said, and you chuckled.

Lorenzo put a proud arm around your shoulder. "It really is impressive, right, Maman? Every other girl would run for the hills. But I guess my brother enchanted her too much."

You laughed at Lorenzo's teasing of Charles and put a strand of your hair behind your ear. You talked to Pascale and Lorenzo for a while when suddenly an arm wrapped around your waist.

"I can see you met my Mom." It was Charles who crept up to you. He whispered in your ear and then put a quick kiss on your cheek before greeting his mother.

You smiled sheepishly at Charles. "I did. She saved me from you-know-who." You winked at Charles, and he knew exactly who you were talking about.

"I should've known that she would be here. I'm sorry", Charles apologized, but you just put a hand on his arm.

"No need to apologize. I need to learn to live with her."

You smiled and Charles was happy that you didn't take it to heart. Then he looked around. "Where is Sofia?" you averted your gaze quickly, and Charles knew that something was up immediately. "Y/N?"

Now you looked back at him. "Well..." you said innocently. "I guess she might be with Carlos..."

"With Carlos? Why would she be with... oh..." Charles raised an eyebrow, connecting the dots. "Oh, I see. Well, I hope they're having a good time," he said with a smirk, trying not to show any hint of concern.

You chuckled softly, knowing that Charles was probably feeling a mix of amusement and protective brotherly instincts. "They seemed to hit it off pretty well," you replied, nudging him playfully.

Lorenzo joined in on the teasing. "Looks like love is in the air, eh, little brother?" he said, giving Charles a friendly pat on the back.

You chuckled. "I'm not so sure about that, Lorenzo. I know Sofia, and it could be just a little fling as easily."

Charles rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile at the playful banter. "All right, enough about Sofia and Carlos," he said, taking your hand in his. "I wanted to show you the garage and my car before FP1."

He dragged you along, and you turned around to wave at his brother and mother. "Goodbye, Mrs. Leclerc. It was really nice to meet you."

Pascale waved at you, too, and Charles and you disappeared downstairs. He led you through the paddock and then into the pitlane, where all the garages were. When they arrived at the Ferrari garage, you already saw Carlos' and Charles' garages.

People were busy working all around, updating the car and making some more adjustments, as Charles led you through the people and into a small room.

"This is my locker room in the garage. It's for preparing for the race in the last minutes and doing some last-minute workout, etc."

Just at that moment, it knocked, and a man in his thirties with black hair and dark eyes entered. "Ah, Charles. Eccoti qui! Ti stavo cercando. Oh, chi è?", the man said in Italian, and you looked at Charles.

"Andrea, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Andrea, my athletic trainer, and a good friend. He has been with me for a long time."

Andrea smiled and extended his hand for you to shake, which you did. "Nice to meet you, Y/N. Is this your first time at a Formula 1 race?"

You nodded. "Yes, it is. And it's really... overwhelming."

"I can imagine that", Andrea chuckled and turned to Charles again. "Listen, I want you to be changed and ready for the workout in 10 minutes. Gianna can take her upstairs so she can watch. FP1 starts in 45 minutes." Then he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Charles nodded and looked at you. "I hope that's okay for you?"

"Sure..." you replied and looked around. You were alone in Charles's small locker room, so you looked at him mischievously. Then you took a step closer to him, and he looked down at you with a grin on his face since he realized what you were up to.

He put his hand on your cheek and then pressed his lips lightly to yours, giving you a short but passionate kiss.

"I am so fucking happy that you are here", he whispers to your lips, and a wide smile grew on your lips before you kissed him again.

The moment between Charles and you was interrupted by Andrea clearing his throat, and you both pulled away, chuckling softly.

"Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds," Andrea said with a playful grin, "but we've got a schedule to keep."

You blushed slightly, feeling a mixture of excitement and shyness at the affectionate display in front of Charles's trainer. "Of course, I don't want to keep you from your preparations," you said with a small smile.

Charles squeezed your hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's all part of the experience," he replied, gazing fondly at you.

As you followed Gianna to the observation area, you felt a surge of emotions. Watching Charles and the team in action was awe-inspiring, and you couldn't help but feel proud and grateful to be a part of this unique world.

From the observation area, you watched Charles effortlessly navigate the track during FP1, pushing his car to its limits. The precision, speed, and skill displayed by the drivers were incredible. As the session came to an end, you noticed Charles exchanging nods and gestures with his teammates, communicating silently about the car's performance.

After FP1, you joined Charles and Andrea in the garage. They were busy discussing the car's setup and performance, and Charles looked focused and determined.

"You did great out there," you said, smiling warmly at him.

Charles grinned back at her. "Thanks, Y/N. It's always a thrill being on the track," he replied, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

A New Mystery Woman on the F1 Grid? Charles Leclerc's Intriguing Companion Sparks Curiosity

Monaco – The Formula 1 paddock is abuzz with speculation as Charles Leclerc, the talented Ferrari driver, was seen in the company of a mysterious beauty during the Monaco Grand Prix festivities. Leclerc, known for his skill on the track and his enigmatic persona off it, was spotted sharing intimate moments with the unidentified woman, igniting a wave of curiosity among fans and media alike.

The duo's first public appearance together took place on Leclerc's luxurious yacht, where they were photographed sharing a passionate kiss. The sighting sparked a flurry of rumors, leaving many to wonder about the identity of the captivating newcomer in the F1 scene.

Adding fuel to the intrigue, the mystery woman was once again seen by Leclerc's side in the bustling paddock of the Monaco GP. While Leclerc appeared unfazed by the attention, the enigmatic beauty was photographed attempting to shield her face from the prying lenses of eager photographers.

Her discreet demeanor and attempts to avoid the spotlight have only heightened curiosity surrounding her identity. Fans and media outlets are left speculating about her background, interests, and connection to the talented Monegasque driver.

As the Monaco Grand Prix unfolds on the iconic street circuit, all eyes are on Leclerc's on-track performance, as well as the unfolding narrative of this newfound companionship. Will the identity of this captivating mystery woman be unveiled, or will she continue to remain shrouded in secrecy, leaving fans to piece together the puzzle of her connection to Charles Leclerc?