#god. GOD. fuck you I want to write this now.
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I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things arenât going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when itâs happy. Maybe Iâll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But Iâm thinking about the way Iâm thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.
In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasnât even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations Iâd had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didnât supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. Thatâs a real job you can do for almost five years. I didnât have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.
Those days werenât bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.
On 2016âs Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night beforeânot just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope Iâd had in human nature because now I didnât feel it anymore. Itâs almost silly when I think about itâso many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didnât think I was naive to thatâbut something clicked into place that morning.
It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, Iâd tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. Iâd written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: âGood is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.â
I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldnât be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didnât work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.
That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.
It doesnât feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if thatâs the grade it actually deserved. We hadnât been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Graceâs murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.
Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasnât interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.
I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trumpâs election in 2016 felt like that.
After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldnât kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, âwhat if I got into politics.â Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trumpâs inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.
Now itâs election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, thereâs Palestine. Meanwhile thereâs Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.
I donât think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in Novemberâ how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.
I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I donât know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naĂŻvetĂ© to the worldânot to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. Itâs not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynicâs pleasant surprise.
Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a personâs life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.
Iâm lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what Iâll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimistâs optimism: to a degree the election doesnât matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.
But please god please, why canât it be just a little easier to do it?
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the one
summary: y/n runs into the last person she ever expected to see in the last place she ever expected to see him, bringing old feelings & hurt to the surface. based on the prompt: childhood friends to lovers
warnings: light angst, made up town, CHEESY writing, smut thatâs more making love than fucking
wordcount: 4.7k
a/n: hi guys đ long time no see!!! GO EASY on me im rusty!!!
masterlist
The heavy wooden door creaked as it swung shut behind you, sealing out the bitter November wind with a low groan. Inside, the warm glow of amber lights bathed the room, casting long shadows over the oak bar and a few worn leather stools scattered around it. The air was thick with the scent of aged whiskey and a faint hint of wood smoke. A couple of locals sat quietly at a table near the back, their low voices blending with the soft hum of an old jukebox playing a slow, bluesy tune.
âThank God,â you muttered, the dayâs tension melting from your face as the warm air settled around you. You let your head roll back, savoring the first reprieve from the cold. The chill that had reddened your cheeks and numbed your fingers slowly eased, the warmth brushing over your skin.
Winter was settling into Windermere, and youâd never gotten used to it. Your parents found a strange charm in the grey skies and biting winds, bundling up and going about their routines. But for you, it felt suffocating. Each year, November swept in like an unwelcome guest, forcing the town to become even smaller, with people huddled indoors, glancing suspiciously at anyone passing by.
The town seemed cloaked in silence, broken only by the crackle of fires and the crunch of frozen leaves underfoot. It was a season that left no room for secrets, not when every movement was magnified in the stillness. With everyone tucked away, the chances of slipping by unnoticed were slim, forcing your teenage rebellion to thrive in only the rarest pockets of solitude, under the cover of long, dark nights.
âPlease, just something hot,â you said, voice weary as you rubbed your hands together, trying to coax warmth back into them.
The bartender eyed you for a moment, one eyebrow raised in amusement as he planted his hands on the bar.
âDidnât think Iâd be seeing you,â he mused, reaching down to grab another glass.
Your head snapped up so quickly that your neck clicked, and you rubbed the sore spot as a frown knit your brow. Youâd recognize that voice anywhere. He was older, scruffier, and somehow more devastatingly handsome than the last time youâd seen him. You blinked a few times, half-expecting him to be some kind of apparition conjured by the cold. But he was real. Your Harry was really standing in front of you, in the last place youâd ever thought youâd find him.
âI didnât- I tried to find you,â you stammered, your voice catching as your gaze drifted over him.
He was taller now, his once-wild curls a little more tamed. Those same green eyes that seemed to cut straight through into your soul. His sweater clung just enough to his arms to hint at the strength beneath, and tattoos traced up both arms in intricate, dark patterns, curling from his wrists to disappear under the fabric, each one telling a story of the years he'd spent without you.
The decade youâd missed was written across him in lines and ink, yet somehow, seeing him now made you feel like that eighteen-year-old again, waiting for her best friend to realize he loved her too.
âIf youâd looked hard enough, you would have,â Harry muttered, his eyes trailing over your face, taking in the flush of cold still lingering on your cheeks. Your lips pressed into a tight line as you dropped your gaze to the worn wood of the bar. You couldnât tell him that you hadnât found him because you hadnât wanted to.
He was a reminder of a version of yourself youâd left behind - a girl who thought she had to earn love instead of knowing she deserved it.
He stood there, still holding the empty glass, his gaze traveling over every inch of you he could see. His eyes lingered on your hands for a moment, his expression hardening before he turned away.
Even through his sweater, you could see his back muscles tense, a reminder of just how much had changed. The unmistakable clink of ice hitting glass sent an involuntary chill down your spine, though you blamed it on the cold draft from the door. But deep down, you knew it was Harryâs presence that stirred something old and haunting within you.
He turned back to you after a few minutes, setting a mug of hot cocoa down in front of you. His hand was steady, but there was an unmistakable tension in his shoulders as he slid the glass toward you.
"Exactly how we used to have it. On the house," he said, voice low, eyes flicking briefly to meet yours before returning to a spot just over your shoulder. You hesitated, your fingers wrapping around the glass, the warmth dancing across your skin.
âChrist. Thanks,â you murmured, taking a sip. The burn of whiskey flooded your throat, a welcome contrast to the chill that had settled deep in your bones.
He still didnât say anything, didnât ask what youâd been doing all these years. Didnât ask why youâd come back. There was a time when you were sure heâd have asked, a time when he would have read every expression, every flicker in your eyes as easily as a page in a book. But now, the silence stretched between you, thick and heavy, woven from years of things left unsaid.
"Heard you were getting married,â Harry said finally, his voice barely more than a whisper, as if he wasnât sure he wanted you to hear. The words were hesitant, almost vulnerable, but his eyes had a guarded edge, as if they were holding back an ocean of questions. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, almost as if to steady himself.
âNot anymore,â you told him with a soft shake of your head, your voice barely carrying over the soft hum of the jukebox. You couldnât help the way your eyes drifted over him, noting the subtle lines at the corners of his eyes, the quiet weight he seemed to carry now, like shadows that hadnât been there before. He was still Harry - but this version of him was one you didnât know. Or maybe it was you who didnât know herself anymore.
âSorry.â
âI didnât know you stayed here, Harry.â
It was true. You didnât know anything about him. Youâd never asked your parents, though they would definitely be privy to what was going on in his life. They knew that whatever had or hadnât happened between the two of you had contributed to the way you left, so they had made no attempt to keep you updated.
âI didnât. Came back for my grandmaâs funeral and the pub was about to be sold to a chain but no one could afford to take it on. So I did,â he shrugged, his eyes dropping to his feet as he spoke.
You sat back a little, memories of afternoons spent at this very pub flooding your mind. Trying to sneak notes out of the tip jar, Harry coercing his grandma to pass you both shots. âShe loved it here,â you whispered, a soft smile on your lips as you traced a finger along the bar. âI had no idea she passed Harry. Iâm so sorry.â
âForty years of her life behind this bar,â Harry nodded solemnly, his jaw tense. âI couldnât let it go.â
There was a glimmer of the Harry you knew when he said that. It was the part of him that first drew you in. He was cheeky, stubborn, but his loyalty to his family was unmatched. Beneath the external rebellion, he was sentimental and kind, the first to fiercely defend any of his loved ones, the last to leave one behind.
You had no idea how youâd ended up so disconnected from him. Youâd only spent five minutes in his presence, but it felt like the first five minutes youâd ever spent with him.
For a few moments, neither of you spoke. The silence was loaded, more meaningful than any small talk you could have tried to fill it with. It felt as though one wrong word would break whatever fragile truce had settled between you.
Finally, Harry sighed, leaning his forearms against the bar, hands fidgeting with a bottle cap, rolling it over and over between his fingers.
âYou left,â he said softly, as if the words themselves had been weighing him down. âAnd I waited, you know? For a while. I thought youâd come back. And then, when you didnâtâŠâ He trailed off, shaking his head.
There was a long pause, each word sinking heavily in the quiet room, reverberating through you. You felt a pang of guilt - maybe shame - at hearing his side of it laid bare, the rawness in his voice making it hard to breathe.
âI didnât know how to exist here,â you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. The words felt flimsy, inadequate, but they were all you had. âI needed to figure out how to do it on my own.â
âAnd did you?â he asked, something sharp and almost accusing in his tone.
You hesitated, because you werenât sure how to answer that. Had you? The years had passed, but you werenât sure youâd changed as much as you thought you would. Youâd found your independence, learned to stand on your own - but there was still a part of you that had never let him go, that had held onto the version of Harry youâd left behind.
âI donât know,â you said finally, the words tasting bitter. âI thought being back here would answer that for me.â
You turned away from him, your heart pounding as you glanced around the pub, taking it in. âItâs changed a lot in here,â you mumbled, never feeling less at home than you did in that moment.
âThe whole town has changed.â Harry shrugged, his jaw tense as his eyes followed yours.
The atmosphere had shifted when you turned back to face him, an unmistakable tension settling between you. Harryâs gaze was hard, guarded and defensive, like he was bracing himself against something.
âThatâs not a good reason to leave.â
âWhat?â
âThatâs not a good reason to leave,â he repeated, arms folding over his chest. âAre you staying?â
âFor now.â
âYou hurt a lot of people,â he continued, his tone harsh, bitterness dripping from each word.
âI spent my entire teenage years thinking about everyone else. Selfishness isnât a crime,â you shot back, pushing your empty mug towards him.
âItâs not. But that doesnât stop it hurting people.â
You narrowed your eyes, leaning your forearms against the bar. âPeople, or you?â
Harry looked past you at the last patrons filing out, circling around the bar to see them out and lock the door behind them. The silence was thick, stretching through the distance between you.
âPeople,â he answered finally, those green eyes not quite meeting yours. How had it gotten to a point where you openly lied to each other? A tiny part of you thought that if you ever crossed paths again, youâd fall into your old routine, Harry with the cheeky grin and bad ideas, you with the doe eyes and willingness to follow his every move.
âIâll get out of your hair,â you mumbled, pushing yourself off the stool.
âNo.â
âWhat?â
âNo.â Harry stalked back to the bar, a heavy hand slamming a bottle of whiskey down in front of you. âHave a drink with me, and tell me the truth. You owe me that much.â
You swallowed hard, your body tensing as he sat down next to you. âThe truth?â
âWhatever was so bad that you had to leave without even saying goodbye.â His eyes were dark as you looked up at him, his fingers drumming against the bar.
âItâs not even important anymore,â you sighed, feeling the lie settle heavy in your chest. You took a swig of the whiskey, shivering as the heat slipped down your throat, trying to steady yourself. But he was watching you too closely, reading you like an open book. Before you could react, he tugged the bottle from your hands, his chin dropping to his chest.
"Pull the other one," he said, voice low. "Whatever happened kept you away for a decade. Did someone hurt you?"
You almost laughed, bitter and tired. He was looking at you now, his gaze sharp and searching, like he was ready to drag the truth out of you no matter what it cost. But you were lost in your own head, your eyes tracing the tattoos winding down his forearms, lingering on the familiar lines and symbols. He was exactly the man you had always imagined heâd become - steady, solid, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. But you had never expected to see it like this, up close, with your own eyes.
You reached for the whiskey, snatching it back from him and knocking it back with a grimace. âIt was you, Harry.â The words slipped out before you could stop them, raw and unguarded. âFuck. I realized Iâd put my whole life on hold, waiting for you to notice me.â
He froze, his hand suspended in the air, and for a second, there was no sound but the creak of the barstool as he shifted, the slow tick of the clock on the wall. He scratched his head, his eyes falling shut as your words sank in. You could see him wrestling with it, with everything that had been left unsaid all these years.
âAnd running away was better than just telling me?â His voice was softer now, hurt creeping into the edges, and it made something twist painfully in your chest.
You shook your head, feeling a thousand things you could never say. âHow was I supposed to tell you? Hi, Harry, my good friend, I love you, and Iâm about to devote my life to you.â
âSomething like that,â he muttered, a faint, bitter smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He ran a hand through his hair, shoulders slumping as he finally met your eyes. The silence stretched again, thick with years of missed chances and the weight of what couldâve been.
You both sat there, lost in the quiet. It felt fragile, this moment, like the whole world could split open with one wrong word.
âIt wasnât just that,â you muttered, watching your feet swinging under the stool. âI couldnât exist here anymore. It gets to a point where itâs suffocating.â
âBut you really couldnât just tell me?â
You met his gaze, feeling the warmth rise to your cheeks, your face hot with the blush that spread across your skin. His dark eyes held you, unblinking, and the weight of everything unspoken made your heart pound. He leaned forward, the faintest crease appearing between his brows, as if he was bracing himself for something heâd waited too long to hear. You tried to look away, tried to hide the vulnerability in your expression, but his gaze was unrelenting, drawing the words out of you.
âI donât wanna talk about it anymore,â you said, voice tight with restraint. You tried to keep your tone casual, but you could feel the way it trembled, betraying you.
âWhy?â he asked, leaning closer, his face serious. His jaw clenched, a flicker of frustration in his eyes that he tried to temper. It was like he already knew what you were going to say, yet he needed to hear it from you, needed confirmation for the ache that had been buried under years of silence.
You took a shaky breath, steeling yourself. âItâs embarrassing, H.â Your eyes darted away, unable to face the intensity of his gaze. âI changed my whole life because of a crush. I moved somewhere where no one knew me because I was scared of everyone here knowing me too well. I got engaged to the first man I properly loved, and he still didnât match up to you.â
Harryâs face softened, but he looked pained, his lips parting as though to speak. The vulnerability in his expression was raw, his shoulders stiffened with all the things he had wanted to say, to ask. But when he reached for you, you placed a hand over his, silencing him for a little while longer.
âI thought about you every day for ten years,â you said, feeling the words tear from your throat, your eyes bright with unspilled tears. âAnd now weâre just sitting here like strangers. Do you get that?â
He let out a bitter laugh, a rough, quiet sound that cut through the stillness. He leaned forward, elbows braced against the bar as if he needed the support to hold himself together. âDo I get it?â he repeated, his voice low and raw, his brows drawn in with years of buried pain. âIâve lived the same ten years as you, except I didnât get the privilege of knowing where the fuck you went or why.â
He looked down at your hand over his, and his fingers slowly closed around yours, his grip warm and strong. He was still, tension held tight in the curve of his shoulders, in the soft way his thumb brushed against the back of your hand, as if afraid the moment might slip away. He shifted closer, the space between you shrinking, and his other hand rose slowly to your face, cupping your cheek, his thumb grazing your skin.
âWhat the hell are you doing?â you whispered, breath catching in your throat. You could feel your pulse quicken, every nerve alight with the nearness of him, with the intensity in his eyes, softening into something tender, something hesitant and aching.
âWhat I shouldâve done years ago,â he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
He leaned in, his eyes searching yours until the last second, like he was giving you a chance to pull away, to stop him. But you didnât. His lips met yours, hesitant and gentle, as though he were savoring every second, every taste. You could feel him melt into the kiss, his hand sliding to the back of your neck, pulling you closer. The moment you kissed him back, he exhaled against you, letting go of some tightly held breath, and the kiss deepened, grew more urgent. His hands moved down to your waist, strong and steady, pulling you closer against him. You could feel the heat between you, the years of longing pouring into this single kiss.
When he finally pulled away, his breaths came rough and shallow. Without a word, he tugged his sweater over his head, baring his skin, the tattoos winding over his chest and arms like stories youâd never gotten to read. Your fingers traced along them, the tip of your nail gliding over the ink, and you could feel his pulse quicken under your touch.
He smiled faintly, but his expression grew serious again as he leaned down, brushing his lips along the curve of your neck, his breath warm against your skin. His arms wrapped around you, his hands sliding down to your hips, lifting you up onto the bar with ease. You gasped softly, instinctively wrapping your legs around his waist as he tugged your skirt up, his gaze holding yours with an intensity that made your heart race.
In that moment, you were no longer strangers. His face softened, his eyes warm and almost reverent as he looked at you, a quiet promise in his touch that maybe, finally, there was nothing left between you but the truth.
Harryâs mouth found your inner thigh, his teeth clamping down on the sensitive skin. âThatâs for leaving me behind,â he murmured, his breath warm against the sting. He moved to the other one, his teeth nipping at you for a second time. âAnd thatâs for making me wait a fucking decade.â
Your breath comes out in shallow moans, your hands planted on his shoulders. That damn butterfly tattoo, the one heâd always told you he would get, almost taking flight as he pants against you, his eyes darkened with lust.
He leaned in closer to your core as you widened your legs, his nose nudging against the wet spot on your panties.
âTen fucking years,â he repeated, his voice husky. He looked up at you with a plea in his eyes, waiting for you to allow or deny his next move.
âPlease,â you whispered, your hips bucking against him as he reached out, pulling your panties aside with a quick hand.
Your gaze landed on the window, the dim lights practically inviting passers-by to peep inside and catch you in the act. But when Harryâs mouth found your slick, you couldnât bring yourself to care, for the first time in your life - whether you became the town gossip or not.
His movements were rough and unrelenting, his fingers spreading you open as his tongue flicked against your clit, appreciative murmurs vibrating against your skin.
As if he could read your mind, his thumb took over the pressure on your clit, rubbing circles against the nerves as you writhed. His tongue licked at your slick with an intensity youâd never know before, his free hand slipping under your jumper to grip at the curve of your waist. Tingles spread from his touch, the lust taking over your body as pressure built in your core.
Without warning, Harry pulled away, pulling your legs around his waist as he stood up. A needy whine fell from your lips as your high dissipated, the soft skin of his abs rubbing against your entrance.
âYou made me wait. You canât handle it now?â he murmured, his lips warm against your neck, the whiskey still hot on his breath.
He took the stairs two at a time, the ancient wood creaking under his feet. You looked around the apartment as Harry weaved through the dark, brushing against tables and knocking over a stray glass, too focused to care. The room smelled faintly of him - whiskey, smoke, and that earthy, familiar scent you couldnât place. It was messy, cluttered with books and clothes, but your heart warmed with an odd sense of belonging the moment you crossed the threshold. Your clothes came off at some point during the journey, a trail of knits and underwear reminiscent of Hansel and Gretelâs, but one that would only lead you to the person you were before you knew how it felt to be fucked by Harry Styles.
He stumbled slightly, caught himself, and half-laughed, his hands steady on you as he dropped you onto the bed. You landed with a gentle bounce, your heart racing, heat building in your chest. You needed to pinch yourself in case it was all a sick dream. All those days of stolen glances and lingering touches that meant nothing and everything, all those years wondering where he was and what lucky woman hadnât run away from him.
For all those years, youâd told yourself he was stuck in your head because of the what ifs. What if you stayed, what if youâd forged a life together, what if you hadnât acted on hormone-driven impulses.
Harry was intense, magnetic in a way that made it impossible to look away, but the idea of actually being with him had always felt like a distant dream. And yet, there he was, breathing ragged and close, his weight settling beside you, hands resting on either side of your head as he held you in place with a gaze that felt as if it could unravel you.
âYou really want this, donât you?â he asked, voice low and edged with that same maddening confidence that had drawn you to him in the first place. His tone was challenging, almost taunting, but there was something vulnerable lurking in his eyes.
You took a breath, feeling a knot in your chest loosen as you nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. âAlways have.â
His smirk softened for a moment, something unreadable flickering across his face, and you could sense the weight of all the things heâd never said hanging thick in the air. He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours, and this time, there was nothing held back - no restraint, no hesitation. Just an undeniable pull between you, finally given permission to break free.
âOne condition,â Harry rasped, leaning down to press kisses across your bare chest. âWhen you leave, you keep in contact this time.â
âI will, Harry. I swear. If I leave,â you grinned up at him, your nails scratching at the base of his head.
A low chuckle escaped his lips as he traced a path down to your collarbone, his breath warm against your skin. âIf?â he murmured, his voice thick with a mix of amusement and disbelief. He pulled back slightly, catching your gaze with a look that was both playful and deadly serious. âIâm not planning on giving you a reason to run.â
You felt the weight of his words, the lost time between you settling heavy in the air. He wasnât going to make it easy.
âI wonât this time, I promise,â you whispered, fingers tightening around his neck, pulling his lips to yours, praying your kiss would convey how deeply sure you were.
Harry looked at you for a long moment when he pulled away, studying your face as if trying to memorize every detail, as though he wasnât sure youâd really stay.
His eyes dropped to your tits as he reached down to stroke his cock, pulling his lower lip into his mouth as his thumb grazed over the wet slit.
You pawed at him impatiently, biting back the whimpers that threatened to spill out of you as he lined himself up at your entrance with one last look into your eyes.
You felt your life altering in front of you, your trajectory changing to what it couldâve been a decade before, fate pulling you and Harry back onto the same path, the one your shouldâve always been on.
But when he pushed himself into you, that familiar pressure tinged with pain, the feeling of being filled like his cock was the missing fucking piece - your mind was clear. You wrapped yourself around him, your body fighting to be as close to him as possible, your moans syncing to his thrusts.
âHarry,â you whimpered, mouth falling open as his free hand found your clit again, drawing your body back to how close it had been to climax.
âI know, baby girl. I know,â he rasped, his voice strained as he fucked into you, his thumb unrelenting as it worked at your bud, his strong body overpowering yours.
Your hips bucked into him, your legs starting to quiver around his waist as you writhed and jerked, your moans mixing with the deafening slaps of skin-on-skin contact.
âItâs mine, this is mine,â Harry growled, his possession tipping you over the edge. His. That was all youâd ever wanted to be.
Your orgasm came on strong, your body tingling and tensing from your head to your toes, your fingers clamping around his shoulders, your back arched into his chest.
Your walls were fluttering around him, your pussy desperate to milk him for all he had.
His thrusts grew sloppier, his control slipping as he stared down at you, committing the image of your high to memory, the first thing heâd want his mind to see when he woke, the last thing heâd see before sleeping. His hand slipped under you to the curve of your ass, angling your hips to allow him deeper, his cock hitting spaces you didnât even know you had.
âThis is just the warm up,â he grunted, pulling his cock from you at the last minute, his come spilling onto your chest, your lips curling into a smirk.
âI think thereâll be plenty more of that,â you whispered, pulling his lips back onto yours, barely unable to kiss him with the smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
mehhh i donât know about this one ⊠but ive been itching to post something đđŒđđŒđ„č
taglist: : @angeldavis777 @softestqueeen @jerseygirlinca @palmettogal508 @drewsephrry @austiebuttbutt @indigo24hughes @peterparkerbae @im-an-overthinker r @daphnesutton @loveableidioticweirdo @tenaciousperfectionunknown @swag13r @ashleighsss @tswiftsgf @chesthairrry @nikkisimps @hannah9921 @lilfreakjez @prettygurl-2009 @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @indierockgirrl @cicicavill7 @cohnfusedarling @ell0ra-br3kk3r @stylesfever @stylesbrock @harry-nialllover @triski73 @meetmeintheemeraldpool @harryshousewitnessprotection @danaehldy @fairytale07 @storyschanging @wannaliveinparadise @mrs-anna-styles211994 @mema10 @fangirl509east @devilsqueen722 @harrrrystylesslut
#harry styles fluff#harry styles x reader#harry edward styles#harry styles smut#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles angst#harry styles writing#harry styles au#harryslittlefreakk#harry styles masterlist
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(I just realized that this is how me and my bf flirted and then got together so Iâm adding on lmao)
Tim? Absolutely smitten. Doesnât realize it. This man has absolute game with the living and the dead, and has no idea what to do with it. He doesnât even know how to actually flirt. So when the day comes that he actually wants to?
He goes to the resident family expert.
Not Bruce, no, that man doesnât recognize flirting unless it punches him in the face. Literally. Not Dick, thatâs a little too grandiose for him. Not Damian, too young. Not the girls, even though they would be good, no, he goes to the expert.
Romcom aficionado Jason.
And Jason is equal parts delighted and fucking irritated. On the one hand, heâs the one Tim went to! Heâs the chosen one! Finally someone respects his abilities! On the other hand, TIM HADNT BEEN DOING THIS THE WHOLE DAMN TIME????
And after Tim realizes just how much heâs been flirting with Danny, he realizes if he wants to make it official (he does, god does this boy want to) he needs to be thought out. Not spur of the moment, no, Danny deserves better than that.
He goes all out, plans an entire day for them. No one in the house realizes heâs Phantom, yet, they just think Danny is a feral but affectionate gnc goth, so he plans around that. First, scary movies, then a graveyard, then Timâs apartment, where he plans to come clean about being Red Robin, and then back to the manor for their library that Danny will just love!
The rest of the family? Worried that the heartthrob is gaining the ability to flirt. And also wondering how Danny is going to fare in the spotlight.
Iâm too lazy to write the date now sadly, but suffice to say when Tim shows heâs Red Robin, Danny is like âThank the Ancients, I was wondering if I needed to stop being around him bc you and him and so cute! Oh, and Phantom? You donât need to worryâ and shows that heâs Phantom. Cue the Wayne Family Dramatics as everyone realizes this was GHOST courting, and Tim was SMITTEN FOR IT.
(Also gonna take this and plan a date now bc I had no idea how similar my bf was to Tim nor how similar I am to Danny lmao)
Ghost Beauty Standards
So what if ghosts have their own scale for beauty?
Waxy pale skin, half-lidded eyes, empty eyes, colorless lips, ashen complexion, and sunken cheeks.
These are considered the most attractive features of a ghost without the extra bells and whistles.
Tim did not know this when he sat at his desk after pulling a week straight of sleepless case-solving and his desk neighbor was staring at him.
Danny had never seen anyone more beautiful until he noticed Tim. He looked like he could drop dead at any moment. Did he even drink water? Eating?
Those beautiful glassy vacant eyes made Danny blush. He couldn't take his eyes off him.
When class ended Tim sat up Danny heard his back crack from his still position. Thoughts of rigor mortis filled his head and the sound of popping bones was almost a turn-on. Danny didn't even know what that said about him.
Danny had to consider what to do next to tame his feelings. He could stop his attraction by helping his classmate improve his health. Or he could satisfy his urges by courting him.
#dc x dp#wailing from the graveyard#dpxdc#dc x dp prompt#dp x dc prompt#danny fenton#danny phantom#batman#deadtired#dead tired#brain dead
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I'll Send an SOS to Your Heart
-------
"Ok, I'm imagining things."
Steve is laying on his bed watching his lights flicker.
He plugged in one of those space projectors that's supposed to make your ceiling look like the night sky.
It's not weird that they're flickering, the light was a dollar at Melvads he wasn't expecting it to work long.
The weird part is that the stars keep making a heart shape.
He sees the heart flash a couple of times before he flips over and hides deeper into his pillow.
"No." He groans. "No more upside down shit."
If some upside-down monster was flirting with him he quits.
All the lights in his room surge to maximum brightness.
"Fuck off."
The lights draw a middle finger.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" He jumps out of bed and points at the orbs.
It draws a winky face. (;P)
"Who are you?"
His blood runs cold. An upside down monster can't flirt with him. They don't know English. He has an idea but it can't be true.
They left him there. He's dead.
...isn't he?
'SOS' the lights read.
"Fuck." Tears spring to his eyes. "Eddie?"
'Hiya'
-----
He spends a while talking to Eddie.
It's tough.
It takes a while to write everything out and Steve is still trying not to hyperventilate or cry or pass out so it's taking a lot of energy to keep up the conversation.
'Sleep?'
"No."
'?'
"Nothing I'm just...not tired."
'Liar'
"WHAT! I'm not I just-"
'-_-'
"Fine."
':)'
"I'm scared."
'Me?'
"No, I'm scared this is a dream. That I fell asleep hours ago and I made you out of my guilty conscious. I just don't want to lose you...again."
'Back'
"Back?"
'Bring back'
"Bring...you back?"
'YES'
"You think we can bring you back?"
'Plan'
"Yes! I'll call everyone we can figure it out. Oh! We have El to help us this time! You're gonna love her Eds she's just like the kids you look out for and she's magic! I'll call them right-"
'NO'
"No?"
'tom- sleep now'
"I think this is a little more important than-"
'Sleep <3'
Steve looks over at the clock, 4 am.
Shit.
"Ok. I'm going to sleep. Will you...will you be here in the morning?"
'W STEVIE'
"Ok. Goodnight Eddie."
'GN <3'
----
The plan goes off without a hitch.
It takes them about two weeks to formulate and execute the plan.
Steve spends his days and nights talking to Eddie, keeping him updated. Keeping him in his life.
He speed runs a crisis or two when he realizes he wants to spend the remainder of his days speaking to Eddie.
He can't wait until he's here with him.
Alive.
-----
So it's more complicated than he thought.
Maybe there's a hoard or bats blocking them from Eddie.
Maybe Steve throws himself in front of the kids and fights off the creatures long enough for them to find Eddie and get him back home.
Maybe Steve bleeds a little too much and collapsed as soon as they reach the other side.
----
He wakes in the hospital to nine pairs of eyes staring at him.
They're all arguing with each other. Their voices low as if they're trying not to wake them.
He wants to talk he wants to reach out.
Eddie is standing by the door in a baseball cap and sunglasses as if he was trying to be inconspicuous.
As if Eddie could ever hide from Steve. Steve would find him anywhere he is.
God, he's here! He's in the room! All this time apart and he's so close!
"Mphahhpsh" he can't form words but it doesn't matter.
Everyone stops and Eddie's eyes meet his. His eyes look wet and he looks skinny and exhausted.
He's never looked more beautiful.
Eddie's eyes turn down into a determined glare. He pushes past everyone until he's inches away from Steve.
He takes a deep breath and then leans down and kisses him.
Flat on the mouth. In front of everyone.
The shocked noises are what pulls them apart.
"I'm so happy to see you, I really like you," Steve says.
"That's my line." Eddie smiles and kisses him again.
"Don't ever try to save me again I can't ever see you in a hospital again," Eddie presses their noses together.
"That's my line."
Eddie chuckles and pushes his nose into Steve's cheek. "Dork."
"Yes, yes, you're both terrible. Now what the fuck is happening."
They break apart to see the crews shocked faces. Mike's face is pale and Dustin is an interesting shade of red.
Robin is staring at him a little proud.
He sends a wink her way and pulls Eddie in closer.
They'll figure it all out later. They have time.
----
This started with once sentence in my brain and grew into three different plot points I put together in a rush. :P
Please comment I love to read em!
#steddie#strangerthings#eddie munson#steve harrington#ficlet#robin buckley#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#stranger things#upside down#steddie first kiss
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TRY AGAIN â JJH
PAIRING: jaehyun x female reader SUMMARY: if you could have it your way, you'd never have to see, hear, or even think about jeong jaehyun ever again. a fortuitous blind date, and that same dimpled smile after all those years, is somehow enough to make you reconsider. maybe he was always meant to be by your side. GENRE: exes to lovers! au, slight coworkers! au, romance, angst, slow burn, humour, some pining, a touch of smut WARNINGS: swearing, alcohol consumption, too many descriptions of coffee and wine, mentions of sex, general mature content and themes, reader is not good at talking about her feelings, joy x doyoung, i try to write about the complexity of relationships and personal growth (i fail miserably) WORD COUNT: 32.4k NOTE: oh. my god. it's finally here! there's certainly something different about writing for your ult. office scenes inspired by the internship i did at a big 4 firm that ended up rejecting everyone from my department (yes i'm still bitter). i actually wanted to get this out back in august to celebrate jolo but alas, Life. i guess this is a parting gift? (jaehyun i am nothing and nobody without you.) i poured a lot of heart into this fic and posting it feels like letting my child go out into the world alone... be safe my darling xx
You shouldâve brought an umbrella.Â
The early evening sky was darkening faster than usual, ominous grey clouds hovering between the skyscrapers like an unspoken but imminent threat. Though the ground was still dry, you had a feeling it wouldnât be for long. Your haste to leave your apartment this morning had robbed you of the good sense to check the weather forecast, mind too preoccupied with tonightâs agenda to spare a thought for the possible torrential downpour that summer seemed to be so fond of.Â
A glance down at your feet sent a twinge of annoyance through you. Of course you picked the black pumps to wear today. They were pretty, which was why you had slipped them on in the first place, wanting to make a good impression even if you told yourself you didnât really care that much, but they were also expensive, and you did not want to get them wet. You said a silent prayer. Hopefully the impending rain would be kind to the leather.
âYou better not be flaking,â Joy warned, voice crackling through your phone speaker. âI donât really care what he thinks of you for not showing up, but itâll reflect badly on me, and I canât have that.â
You suppressed a smile. Ever the drama queen.
âI am literally walking out of the station right now. The Italian place, right?â you asked, pausing for a moment at the top of the stairs to gather your surroundings. The restaurant she had picked out wasnât exactly an unknown location to you, but it had been a while since you last visited, and the buildings seemed to look back at you with a dazed unfamiliarity.
She gave an affirmative hum. âTwo streets down from the exit. The reservation is under my name, but I think he might be there already.â
âYippee. How exciting.â
There was a loud sigh from the other end of the line, and you could almost hear her rolling her eyes at you. âYou do know I set this up with your best interests at heart, right?â
âAre you sure itâs not because you were bored and needed to use some poor soul for your own entertainment?â
âHey, Iâm not the one who put three packets of salt in Jungwooâs coffee,â she fired back.Â
Okay, maybe that one was on you. But it had been pretty funny seeing him spit it out all over the office kitchen counter and then meticulously clean up the mess with paper towels, all the while eyeing everyone on your floor with suspicion.
âIâm just saying,â she continued, âgive him a chance. I think you guys could really like each other.â There was a pause. âPlus, heâs super fucking hot. Like if I wasnât happily taken I would be climbing him like a tree.â
âGross. Iâm filing a complaint with HR.â
âReporting me to my own department? Iâll make sure that file never even makes it through the portal,â she cackled at your empty threat, and you joined in with her. âSeriously though, just give him a chance. At least stay until the mains come out.â
âFine,â you acquiesced, though you made sure she heard the huff that accompanied it. âBut if he starts talking about cryptocurrency I am leaving.âÂ
Joy only laughed, assuring you he probably wouldnât, and bid you goodbye with a parting command for you to enjoy yourself.Â
On days like these, you couldnât decide whether you were grateful or unlucky to have been placed on a team with her for your first project at the company. Technically speaking, Joy was your senior by almost two years, but even at that first daily stand-up half a year ago, filled with nervous smiles and clumsy introductions, you had the feeling the two of you would gel. By the time that first project wrapped up, the two of you had long progressed past mere co-workers, having bonded over 8-hour days of Powerpoint formatting and your mutual dislike of olives. You had never been more thankful for someone so vivacious to show you the ropes, and help you settle into the new environment with such ease.
However, Joy was a meddler.
Her meddling was what had you currently navigating the crumbly asphalt in your nicest shoes to meet the apparent hunk she had set you up with. You didnât know much about the guy since she refused to give you his name, afraid youâd search him up on social media and then make up some excuse to back out once you had seen his face â like you had done with the previous two that sheâd picked out for you.
Apparently, this one was from the Digital department, and had been at the company for a little over a year. Those were two out of the three pieces of information that she had deigned to bestow upon you, the third being that he had dimples, which she thought youâd appreciate.
Oh, and now the fourth one being that he was âsuper fucking hotâ.
Who knew? Maybe you would enjoy yourself. Getting back into the dating scene was pretty low on your priorities, with your career and trying to stick to a consistent gym routine taking up the majority of your time, but you were never opposed to a bit of fun.Â
Maybe Mr Super-Fucking-Hot could be a bit of fun.Â
Just take it easy, you thought to yourself, spotting the glass windows of the restaurant as you rounded the corner. Il Giardino, read the sign that hung above the door. Cute.
Hastily, you shifted your bag and cardigan to the other arm and smoothed out the creases in your black trousers. You had tried for something a little dressy, but also office-appropriate since you were coming straight from work, and not like you had tried too hard and spent an unnecessary number of hours thinking about what to wear on this stupid blind date. Another quick glance at your reflection in the window, just to make sure there was no food or lipstick in your teeth, and you pushed past the door.
Soft jazz filtered through your ears as you stepped inside. The restaurant was nicely decorated, a few vintage Italian posters hanging on the exposed brick walls, and an overall rustic feel that paired well with the warm, earthy ambience. Judging by the patrons already seated, this place was a popular date night location, with all but one table occupied by couples sharing soft touches and flirty smiles over half-filled glasses of red wine.
Joy certainly knew how to pick a spot.
You gave the smiling hostess Joyâs name for the reservation, managing a weak smile of your own when she informed you that the other half of your party had already arrived, and followed her through the tables further into the restaurant. Outside, the first few raindrops had begun to splatter against the asphalt, slowly darkening the road with wet patches that were sure to grow into puddles. It seemed you had arrived just in time to escape the rain.
The hostess stopped at a more private table towards the back, and gestured towards the empty seat with that same welcoming smile. Mystery man, aka Mr Super-Fucking-Hot, was sat with his back to you, leafing through what you assumed to be the drinks menu. His silhouette from behind was alright-looking, you supposed, if you really had to put a label to it, but there was something vaguely familiar about the shape of his head. Perhaps you had crossed paths in the office lobby before?
You approached the table, trying to sneak a peek of him out of the corner of your eye, just to see if he lived up to Joyâs oh-so-generous description, without being so painfully obviousâ
And froze.
âIs everything alright?â the hostess asked, still beaming at you.Â
You barely heard her through the cotton wool that seemed to suddenly fill your ears, hands instantly clamming up as you took in the man in front of you. His warm eyes widened a fraction of a millimetre with recognition, quickly followed by something else you couldnât place.
This was not happening.
âIs everything okay?â the hostess tried again. The corners of her mouth were beginning to slip, and she cast you a mildly concerned glance.
How strange you must have looked, standing stock-still beside your reserved table like a statue. The only things that could dispel the notion you had suddenly turned into stone were the light flush to your cheeks, and the deafening pounding of your own heart that you were sure the whole restaurant could hear.
âEverythingâs fine, just give us a minute please,â Jaehyun finally said, flashing the hostess a kind smile. She took her cue to leave, but not without another curious look between the two of you, hurriedly brushing away the waiter who was approaching the table and preparing to rattle off the specials.Â
Hearing his voice seemed to break the spell that had rendered you so immobile. You straightened, shifting your bag higher up your shoulder, and turned to leave. Whatever this was, you were not entertaining it.
Chair legs screeched abruptly against the floor.Â
âWait,â he pleaded.Â
Your eyes landed on his hand latched around your wrist first, before they moved to his face again. Slowly, his fingers loosened, but he kept you in his hold.Â
âWill you sit, please?â he asked softly.Â
You looked at him. Really looked at him, taking in his full, straight brows, the slope of his nose, the pinkness of his lips. His cheeks had slimmed since you had last seen him, allowing the sharpness of his jaw to really come through. Breathtakingly handsome as he always had been. A little older, a little more masculine, and yet somehow still the same.
And maybe because you still saw him, the boy that you loved, the first and likely only boy you had ever truly loved, you did sit, sliding into your chair like it was made of ice.
âItâs been a while,â he began, lowering back into his seat. You gave no indication that you had heard him at all, eyes focused on the flickering tealight candle at the centre of the table. The wax was a pinkish red colour, and the light scent coming from it was sweet, with a touch of tartness. Pomegranate, maybe. At your silence, he cleared his throat and tried again. âHow have youââ
âDid you plan this?â
He pulled back a bit, as if in genuine shock. âNo, I swear, I had no idea it was you. Joy only told me it was someone from her department, and that you were pretty, and she thought youâd be my type.â A pause. âDid you?â
Your reply was icy. âWhy would I plan to see you?â
He looked away at that, sucking in a breath through his teeth. You were probably mistaken, but something akin to hurt flashed in those eyes as he gave a short nod at your words. Likely a trick of the light. It was a little too dim in here. What reason would he have to be hurt? Why would he be bleeding when you were the one with cuts all over your hands from picking up the glass shards of your own broken heart?
An uncomfortable beat passed. âWell, Iâd say it was nice to see you, but you know Iâm not good at lying,â you said. Shouldnât have sat down in the first place.
Grabbing your bag and cardigan, you made to stand up again, regretting your decision to come here, regretting giving in to Joy so easily, regretting leaving the house this morning without a stupid fucking umbrella. The drizzle outside had turned into a downpour in no time, and the street drains were definitely going to clog up tonight.Â
Seoul and its fucking summer monsoon season.
âCan we justâplease, can youâfuck. Can we have dinner and just talk? As friends?â His hand shot out across the table, as if itching to grab yours again, but thought better of it, letting his fingertips rest against the edges of the linen napkin you hadnât even bothered to unfold.Â
A refraction of light from his sleeve caught your eye. His cufflinks. He was wearing the cufflinks you had gotten him for your high school graduation all those years ago.Â
They had been expensive. Four months of pay from your part-time job at the ice-cream parlour was just enough for the pale pearls set in sterling silver. You supposed it would have been silly of him to throw them away when they were so valuable. It wasnât like you had thrown away the gold pendant he had given you either. That necklace hadnât hung around your neck for a long time, but it still sat somewhere in the depths of your jewellery box, underneath all the newer ones you had bought for yourself or received from friends over the years.
âFine,â you found yourself saying. âSure. As friends. Why not?âÂ
Sinking back into your seat, you reached for the wine menu immediately. Enduring the next hour in the company of your ex-boyfriend without a drink? Unbearable. As much as you liked to convince yourself you were over him, from your behaviour tonight it was clear you most certainly were not, and only alcohol could soothe that blow to your pride.
Your eyes flitted down the page of reds, then the whites, then the sparklings. Christ, the prices in this place were not pretty. Joy would have to be in a completely separate tax bracket from you if these were the kinds of establishments she frequented.Â
For a brief moment, you thought about ordering the most expensive bottle on the list â a Penfoldâs 2018 Shiraz â just to be spiteful, but decided against it. If you were really going to be sharing a meal âas friendsâ, he would not be footing the entire bill. You wouldnât let him.
The waiter, under the impression that things had somewhat cooled down, finally approached your table, albeit a bit cautiously. Hearing but not really listening, you let him sing praises about the wild mushroom ravioli, ordering it just to save yourself the effort of reading through the rest of the menu. When he reached the beverages portion of his spiel, you settled for a more reasonable bottle, a 2021 merlot.
It was only once he had left to put your orders in that you realised that you had not even checked if Jaehyun was driving tonight.
âIâll pay for the wine, if youâre not drinking,â you said, fiddling with your napkin. You could probably finish the whole bottle yourself anyway. Maybe that would make it easier to look him in the eye.
âYou really donât need to do that,â he replied, voice soft but firm. The weight of his eyes on you was almost a tangible thing. âIâll have a glass.â
Your waiter returned, making a show of uncorking the bottle before pouring it out into both your glasses. You couldnât down the first one fast enough, draining half the contents in one long mouthful like it was your first taste of water after finishing a marathon. Jaehyun was more deliberate with his glass, taking only a few small sips before he set it down on the table again. If he noticed the speed at which you emptied yours, which it was pretty hard not to with the way you were gulping the wine down, he said nothing.
God, this was fucking awkward.
âSo,â he began, trying to mask the crack of his voice with a cough, âwhat made you agree to this thing?â
You reached for the bottle. âFelt like I owed it to Joy,â you said, pouring yourself another glass. âI flaked out of the last two she organised.âÂ
Maybe you should have just gone on that first one with Taehyung, or Taehyun, or whatever his name was. Then you could have avoided this situation altogether.Â
âSo you do this kind of thing a lot, then?â came his careful question.
You were curt. âNo.âÂ
He blinked a few times, the movements slow with confusion at the abruptness of your answer. You knew you were being difficult. You wanted to be. Five years could heal most things, but unspoken words could linger like splinters under your fingernails, festering below the surface. Calluses had hardened over the splinters of your breakup, tough and protective, but now it was as if they were pushing through to the surface again, your fingers newly tender at the sight of him after all those years.Â
A small part of you wanted to give him a taste of your hurt, wanted him to feel the prick of tiny wood chips in the flesh behind his nail beds. The larger part, however, knew malice would do no good for you. You had survived the pain. There was no reason to survive poison as well.
âNo, I donât,â you tried again, a little softer, a little less jagged around the edges. âI think she just likes to set them up for fun. This is my first time on one of these blind uhâŠâ The word date sat heavy on the tip of your tongue but refused to budge. âOne of these things.â Maybe another mouthful of wine would wash it down.
âHer definition of fun can be rather interesting,â he said, politely filling the silence.
You hummed in agreement, raising the freshly filled wine glass to your mouth again as you scrambled around in your head for something, anything to say. It had been a while since you had last been out on the dating scene, and you were well aware of it, but good grief, it was like your conversational skills had evaporated into thin air.
âHow do you know Joy?â was what you decided on after a deliberately slow sip.
Thankfully, Jaehyun seemed to still know how to carry a conversation. âSheâs one of the HR reps for Digital, so weâve spoken a few times before. And her boyfriend is a friend from university.â He paused to take a sip of his wine. âHave you met him?â
You shook your head lightly. âNo, not yet. Hoping to, soon.âÂ
âYouâll like him. Doyoungâs a great guy. Patience of a saint.â
âHeâd have to be to keep up with her,â you said, hints of a chuckle sprinkled in your voice.Â
Something about the fact that he was already privy to more of Joyâs personal life than you were had a sliver of jealousy wriggling in your stomach. She was supposed to be your friend, and yet you knew very little about Doyoung besides his name, while your ex-boyfriend across from you had been buddy-buddy with him for probably years and years. Not that it was a competition to see who held more information about their coworker outside the office, but the feeling that you were somewhat losing didnât sit well.
âItâs actually my first time on a blind date as well,â he said, allowing himself a tentative smile. âYou know how convincing she can be. I mean, I donât think Iâd ever go on one if she hadnât roped me in. It feels a bit silly meeting up with a complete stranger, you know?â He turned his smile to you, still tentative but coloured with a tinge of hopefulness, like he wanted you to understand, like he knew you would.Â
How could you not? There had once been a time where you believed that you and Jaehyun had been two halves of the same soul, carved into existence from the same stone. There had once been a time where you knew him almost better than he knew himself.Â
A time rather distant from now.
You kept your answer non-committal. âSure,â you murmured, wishing his pretty face wouldnât fall so quickly at your nonchalance, wishing you hadnât caught the slightest droop to the curve of his mouth. Everything about him was still too familiar. âIâm just a bit surprised to hear that, I guess. You were so desperate to meet new people back then.â
Three seconds passed in silence.Â
His eyes dropped to his lap, as did yours to your own. This previously reasonable bottle of merlot was loosening your lips rather unreasonably.
âSorry, that wasââ Unnecessary? Mean?Â
True?Â
âI didnât mean to say that,â you finally managed, the words spilling out of your mouth in a tumbled rush.Â
Or maybe you had.Â
Jaehyun could only flash you a weak smile. âItâs fine,â he said, though you both knew it wasnât really.
Frigidity returned to the air between you, stopped just short of freezing over by the reappearance of your waiter, along with a plate of goatâs cheese arancini. Jaehyun politely gestured for you to eat first, watching as you speared the crusty surface with your fork and moved it over to your own plate. For a few seconds, the only noises that could be heard from the table were the clinks and clanks of stainless steel utensils against ceramic plates. The arancini could not have come at a better time, affording both of you the opportunity to hide behind the guise of eating, and put off the need to make strained conversation, even if the time it bought you was fleeting.
Meet new people. Those were the exact words he had said to you all those years ago. Han River on a Tuesday night, cherry blossom petals fluttering through the balmy April air, the iciness of winter finally melting away into a distant memory to reveal fresh green carpets and vivid blooms â few things could have been more romantic. Spring is the season of love, they said.Â
But for you, spring was the season of loss. It was the season when love ended, when love could be taken back and snatched away in the blink of an eye. On a Tuesday night in April, you learned that your love was not just not enough, but that it was a burden, an obstacle between Jaehyun and living his life to the fullest. That time spent with you was time squandered. That you were robbing him of the complete university experience, and to an extent, his youth.
Jaehyun had always been a wanter. He wanted boldly and he wanted freely, never dwelling too long on how his wanting could appear in the eyes of others, never shy about his desires. When he was ten years old, he wanted a dog, despite the reddening of his nose and the watering of his eyes whenever heâd get within armâs distance of the bichon frisĂ©. In tenth grade, he wanted you, with cans of peach soda and sweet little notes in your locker until you finally said yes to being his girlfriend after three days of public pursuit.Â
(You had arguably wanted him more, and for longer, though nobody had been none the wiser â you were rather good at hiding your feelings.)
Two months into your first year at university, his wants changed. He wanted more space and more freedom to meet new people. He wanted to be able to attend club social outings, and get to know his seniors, and play drinking games with his new roommates, instead of trekking to the other side of Seoul every week to see you, his girlfriend, who had now become his obligation.
It would have been a lie to say you hadnât noticed a shift in his behaviour in the months leading up to that fateful night. Smiles had become a little wearier. Texts had become sparser. You had chalked it up to the challenges of settling into the new routine and rigorous coursework, and the distance between your schools that occupied opposite sides of the city. Sure, the hour-long subway ride from his campus to yours wasnât the greatest asset to your relationship, but 18-year-old you had remained optimistic it would endure whatever curveballs your first year of university and the beginnings of real adulthood would throw at you.Â
You had survived the CSAT together and emerged in one piece. What else could be harder than that?
âYouâre right though,â he said quietly, eyes fixed on his own piece of fried goatâs cheese. âI guess I was.â
You let your fork drop with a soft clang. âLetâs not, uhâwe donât have to talk about that.â Pink petals were swimming at the edges of your vision.Â
Please, letâs not talk about that.
A flicker of something behind his eyes could almost convince you he wanted exactly the opposite of your unspoken plea. Maybe this was a conversation he didnât actually want to avoid the way you so desperately did.Â
And maybe he would have said something too, if not for the waiter who returned at that precise moment.Â
âThe mushroom ravioli,â the waiter announced, setting the plate down in front of you, âand the amatriciana spaghetti. Enjoy.âÂ
Four pieces of pasta covered in sage butter looked back up at you.Â
You made a mental note to never order ravioli at an Italian restaurant ever again.Â
The sound of scraping utensils returned to your table, lightly blanketing the stilted pause in conversation with idle noise. Without much enthusiasm, you sliced at one of the four pieces of your ravioli, throwing what you hoped were sneaky glances at the full plate of spaghetti sitting in an appetising red sauce laid out before your ex-boyfriend.Â
âDo you want to try mine?â
Sneakiness had never been your forte.
Your polite refusal came quickly, even if it was rather weak to your own ears, but Jaehyun was already twirling a portion out onto the share plate the waiter had kindly provided a few minutes earlier. He made sure to scoop some sauce and pancetta bits on top as well, before gently pushing the plate towards you.Â
âThanks,â you mumbled, though you made no move to dig in.
Everything wasnât supposed to feel this familiar. You werenât supposed to soften so easily at the sight of his dimpled smile. You werenât supposed to feel that strange tug in your chest at his thoughtfulness, at the way he could still pick up the slightest change in your expression. And maybe the bar was too low, and here you were fawning over nothing more than the bare minimum, because what guy would see his date enviously looking at his food instead of her own and blatantly ignore it?
But with Jaehyun, it was different. You knew it was. Within every action, there was familiarity and practice, there was thought and care, there were years of history that were unerasable, even with the passage of time. You werenât the same wide-eyed teenagers now as you had been then, and yet scenes from the rest of that excruciating first semester flickered in your mind.Â
A silent breakdown during a business administration lecture. Your roommateâs concerned expression when you decided to skip dinner again.
The tug in your chest was leading you back into dangerous territory.Â
For the third time tonight, you debated grabbing your things and walking straight out. You had only promised Joy that you would stay until the mains came out. If you were going to leave now, technically, you would still have fulfilled your end of the promise. Arguably, this wasnât the best time to make an exit â fifteen minutes earlier would have been much better so that the kitchen would have time to cancel your stupid ravioli before they started preparing it. Leaving now wouldnât be the most optimal, but it was still an option. A tad heavy on the dramatics, but you could live with that. Youâd just never be able to step foot in this establishment again.
A shame. The spaghetti looked good. Youâd have to search up if this place did delivery.
âYou can go if you really want to, I wonât hold it against you,â Jaehyun said quietly. His eyes were fixed on the fork he was twirling through his dish. You supposed you shouldâve been surprised at the way he could read your mind without even looking at you, but you couldnât find the energy in you to pretend.
âBut,â he continued at your silence, âif youâre willing to stay, Iâd really like it if we could just catch up?â At this, he finally met your eyes and offered a small smile. âIt has been a while, after all.â
Maybe it was the sincerity contained in those soft brown eyes. Maybe it was because you really did want to try the amatriciana spaghetti while it was hot and fresh off the stove. Whatever it was, you found yourself resolving to stay, despite all the reasons not to, despite the sound of them loud and clear in your head, ready at your disposal. Allowing yourself to indulge in nostalgia once in a while couldnât be that bad for you. Right?Â
So you stayed. And you ate (his spicy amatriciana scored a landslide victory over your mushroom ravioli). And you talked. As two friends would do, catching each other up on the things that had shaped your lives since you had gone on your separate ways.Â
Conversation was clunky at first, that was to be expected. Even the closest of friendships would encounter some choppy waters when reconnecting for the first time after five years. But conversation with Jaehyun gave way to smooth sailing much quicker than you would have expected. He still wore the face of the boy who would sneak an extra serving of fried sweet potato from the cafeteria because he knew you liked them, but he wasnât quite the same. Older, certainly. Maturity wasnât something that went hand-in-hand with age like you had thought when you were younger, but he was more mature too. Surer of himself, and his place in the world.
You heard of the summer he spent in the UK after graduation, visiting his uncle and their family, appreciating classical architecture and the leisure inherent to rolling green hills that he hadnât been able to find in the metropolis he had grown up in. (The food, however, was an entirely different story. He had never been so overjoyed to see a bowl of rice that wasnât covered in mushy peas or sitting in a puddle of questionable-looking curry.)
He learned of your semester exchange in Amsterdam, including the unfortunate incident involving you, a runaway bicycle, and the freezing water of the Dutch canals. Fortunately, a nasty cold and two weeks in bed over the Christmas break were the worst things that came of it. Those few months had been eye-opening, to say the least. Stepping outside of your own bubble had made you realise how much more there was to the world, and how little you knew of it.
Yes, Jaehyun had changed, but then again so had you. The realisation dawned halfway through dessert, slowly settling over you as you spooned at the tiramisu in the centre of the table. Perhaps it hadnât been fair to him that you had been harbouring this seed of antagonism towards him for all these years. He, so afflicted by youth, as you both had been back then, was only doing what he thought was right and necessary. Could you really fault him for that? You had seen enough of life now to know that sometimes, nobody was to blame.
There was a comfortable lull in the conversation before he spoke again. The sound of his voice drew you away from the window, where you could see that the rain had slowed from the earlier dramatic downpour to a lighter shower.Â
âI know I probably wasnât who you were expecting today,â he said, a little hesitant and gauging your expression.
âYou definitely were not.â You gave him an amused half-smile over the rim of your barely-filled glass, which he returned. The bottle of merlot sat tall and empty on the table.
âI just wanted to say,â he began, taking in a breath, âIâm glad it was you. It was really nice to see you again. And Iâm sorry if you were disappointed that it was me.âÂ
There was something sad in the curve of his mouth, you thought. It tempered the warmth in his eyes.
âIâm not disappointed,â you heard yourself say. âReally.â
It was the truth. You knew he could see it written across your face. Dishonesty and insincere flattery were not familiar weapons you wielded. He knew that. He knew you.
Jaehyun sat back, bringing his own glass to his lips and draining the lingering contents. Perhaps to hide the private smile that broke out across his handsome face, which you pretended not to see, turning your attention back to the raindrops pattering against the window.Â
The evening air was cool on your bare arms when you stepped out, taking shelter under the awning in front of the restaurant. You werenât the only one who had forgone a weather app consultation today. Jaehyun stood beside you, hands tucked neatly in the pockets of his slacks, a not unwelcome companion while you waited for your taxi to arrive. Heâd call one later, after he made sure you had gotten in the car and were on the way home.
âI guess Iâll see you around?â he asked, tone light.Â
You cast a sidelong glance at him. His profile was backlit by the warm light emanating from inside the restaurant, carving out the straight bridge of his nose, a soft shadow cupping the fullness of his bottom lip. Would there ever be a time the sight of him wouldnât take your breath away?
âMaybe,â you breathed. Letting him back into your life wasnât a decision you felt ready to make yet, and you had no intention of promising him anything you couldnât be sure youâd be able to deliver. Even if you would only be promising him friendship.
He didnât push it further and hummed in understanding. Then your taxi was pulling up in front of the restaurant, the splash from the tyres just missing the hem of your trousers, and you were bidding him goodbye, staring a second too long at the dimples that appeared, and trying not to step in a pothole puddle as you clambered rather ungracefully into the car.Â
But because realisation was never punctual, it was only when you arrived home, carefully kicking off the black pumps and patting them dry with a microfibre cloth, that you realised two things.Â
First, you had left your cardigan at the Italian restaurant.
And second, Jaehyun had footed the whole bill.
There was a reason the seventh floor was your favourite floor in the building.
It wasnât because of the little in-office cafe with the cute but ridiculously overpriced pastries that tasted even better than they looked, or the deceptively comfortable bean bag chairs by the far window that would always tempt you with a mid-afternoon nap every time you sank into one of them.
No. The seventh floor was your favourite because it had a Nespresso machine. Free use. Company-funded.
A seventh floor coffee was one of the only things that could get you to leave the comfort of your desk and willingly walk up two flights of stairs. (The elevators always took too long.) On Monday afternoons like these, after an entire morning swimming through attendance and sick leave reports from the last quarter, the promise of a smooth and velvety cappuccino felt like your only hope for humanity. Unfortunately for you, it seemed like everybody else had the same idea, if the line in front of the coffee machine was anything to judge by.Â
âYou should have told me!â
You gave Joy an incredulous look. âRight. Because I definitely knew exactly who he was.â
âWell, you could have worked it out. Youâre a smart girl.â
âYou said a total of three sentences about him.â
She paused, fixing you with a contemplative stare. Her eyebrows were doing that weird lifting thing when she was running something through her head. âFive sentences,â she finally managed, tapping around the rim of her empty mug.Â
Why she came up with you at all when she wasnât a coffee person, would probably take two sips of the espresso, and then complain it was too bitter, was beyond you. Sometimes you wondered if she was really that good at her job, or if her workload was just so non-existent that she could take five coffee breaks a day. It couldnât be the latter, because you had seen that her calendar was full for the entire morning.
âLetâs not spend the next fifteen minutes talking about last Friday,â you sighed, already pushing thoughts of dimpled smiles and warm eyes to the far corner of your mind. Hopefully not to be revisited for a while. âI want my head outrageously blank while I enjoy this cappuccino. Swear to god Junmyeon is trying to drown me with those leave reports.â
âYou know he only assigns them to you because youâve never told him you hate doing it.â
âHe assigns them to me because Iâm the only one available who can get it done properly. Youâre always blocked out, and Jungwoo has that weekly coaching session. Jisung tried to help me do it this morning, and he didnât even separate paid from unpaid leave. The numbers looked like we were bleeding PTO.â
She gave you a sly smile. âYou know you can block yourself out too,â she said off-handedly.Â
âYou can what?â
This was new information.
âYouâre telling me someone else could be sifting through that 70-page file if I just schedule in a random meeting with myself?â you asked again, to which she nodded.
âHas yet to fail me. But make sure you name it something that makes sense, and donât do it all the time, otherwise itâll look suspicious.â
Corporate bullshitting was a fine art, and you were beginning to realise you were still but a novice at it.Â
âAnd lay off the intern,â she added. âHeâs just a child.â âHeâs taller than Junmyeon.â
âA child in spirit, then. You know what I mean. He sort of reminds me of a cute little mouse,â she mused, trailing off. If her apartment complex didnât have a pet ban, you had a feeling she would be taking in every stray animal off the street.
However, she was right. Jisung had been a bigger help than you had expected of a second-year commerce student. Even if it was just skimming through a finished presentation pack to fix up any typos and align text boxes, you couldnât deny that having an extra pair of eyes and hands had made your life a little bit easier. Maybe you would even miss him once his summer placement came to an end and the semester rolled back around. As long as there werenât too many more incidents like the one from this morning.
Speaking of this morningâŠ
âHey, does that mean youâve been making yourself unavailable so you donât have to read theââ
âOh look! The lineâs getting shorter. You should move up before someone cuts in.â
You shuffled forward, but not without throwing her a displeased look along with a grumble or two. Next time the quarterly attendance analysis rolled around, you were definitely making use of the trick she had just told you about. A quick glance up ahead. There were now three people in front of you in the line, but only one green capsule left on the rack.Â
Please, caffeine gods be willing, let that last one be yours. Â
âI canât believe I told you that I thought your ex-boyfriend was super fucking hot. I feel so icky, like Iâve betrayed you somehow,â Joy said, making a face. The dimpled smile fought its way back into your consciousness, and you suppressed the twist in your stomach that seemed to accompany every recollection of it.Â
âItâs honestly fine. Thereâs no way you could have known.â You shrugged, partly to reassure her it wasnât a big deal, and partly to shake off that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach.
The better part of your weekend had been spent trying to make sense of the night, after battling a merlot-induced migraine for most of Saturday morning and early afternoon. Three glasses had been a necessity to get through dinner, but it was ultimately overkill. You were no longer the girl from two years ago who took advantage of her afternoon class the next day by destroying a few soju bottles with your roommates. On a weeknight, too.
Joy gave your arm a soft squeeze. âStill, Iâm sorry I put you through that. Hopefully it wasnât completely awful?â
Completely awful, it was not. Awful at some parts? Maybe.Â
Truthfully, you hadnât been prepared to see Jaehyun again. Not to say that you had never thought about it â you definitely had, running simulations through your head about how you would run into him on the street, ignore his greeting and walk past him like he didnât even exist. But those were the musings of a heart-broken teenager, turning to spite and cheap endeavours at revenge to cope with the loss of her first love. Last Friday did have spite rearing its ugly head, but that spite was short-lived, and only one aspect that made up the whirlwind of emotions that came with seeing him again after all those years.Â
âNo, it wasnât all bad,â you were about to say, when your eye was suddenly caught by a movement up ahead.Â
A slender, veiny hand reached out to grab the last green pod from the coffee rack. You watched as the thiefâs fingers closed around the capsule and slotted it into the machine. He pressed the lever down â because of course, it was a man. Not only was he on the better side of the gender wage gap, but he also had to be ahead of you in the caffeine race as well.
The sound of the capsule being punctured was the final blow.Â
âMy coffee,â you lamented under your breath.
âHave some patience,â Joy chided. âWeâre nearly there. Youâre like a zombie when you donât have your little cup of bean juice.â
You shook your head glumly. âThe last Peruvian. I waited for so long. It was supposed to be mine, and he took it.âÂ
âWho did?â
âThe guy at the front.âÂ
Your eyes were still glued on the hand as it wrapped around the mug filled with your favourite blend, completely unaware that it had just robbed you of the only small pocket of joy you had been looking forward to all afternoon. Peering around the two people still ahead, your gaze travelled up his exposed forearm and the sleeve of the white dress shirt cuffed there. If only you could catch a glimpse of the face that had stomped all over your hopes and dreamsâŠÂ
The lady in front of you shuffled closer to the coffee machine and finally cleared your line of sight. Coffee stealerâs ear came into view before his face did, and he wasâ
âJaehyun?â
His name fell out of Joyâs mouth before you could even get your own to start working again and beg her not to call out to him. For a moment you were afraid you had conjured him out of thin air from the uninvited thoughts of him circling the outskirts of your mind. At least now you knew he wasnât a hallucination.
Jaehyunâs eyebrows pinched in confusion first, then surprise, before finally smoothing over with recognition. He offered a small wave, eyes flitting from Joy over to you, and then he was walking over, and you were fighting for your life trying to mask the panic that was bubbling away inside your chest.
You shot Joy a frantic look. Why did you do that?
I donât know! Sorry, said her returning one. The corners of her mouth were turned down in an apologetic frown, but she quickly schooled it into a smile at Jaehyunâs approach.
âIâve never seen you on seven before,â Joy said, the spitting image of friendliness, nevermind that you were beside her and desperately looking for an exit out of the incoming conversation. âYouâre always holed up somewhere on ten.â
You supposed you should have known this would happen sooner or later. Six months without running into each other when you worked at the same company, in the same building, was the exception, not the rule. You were just grateful Joy didnât try to bring up her clever little dinner setup that had been plaguing you the entire weekend, or try and rope the two of you into awkward and unnecessary introductions.
âSomeone told me I should come down and try the Nespresso machine. Apparently itâs really good,â he said, gesturing at the mug you had been staring at for the past three minutes.
âIt is,â were the first two words you managed. Both pairs of eyes shifted towards you, waiting for the rest of your comment to come, but you could only disappoint, the syllables hanging thick and dumb in the air.Â
There appeared to be some sort of blockage in your mouth-to-brain pipeline.
Joy cleared her throat lightly, throwing you a sideways glance. âWhich one did you try? They all taste the same to me, but she only drinks the green ones,â she said, ignoring the panicked twitch of your mouth. She knew full well that he was the one youâd been staring daggers into ever since he grabbed that stupid capsule. Your stupid capsule.
Jaehyunâs eyes flicked between your face and the steaming drink in his hand a few times.
âDo you want mine? I think I might have taken the last green one.â He offered the mug to you. âI didnât really know what to press, so itâs just a cappuccino. Regular milk. I havenât had any yet.â
âItâs fine, you should have yours. Iâll get another one,â you politely declined. No matter how much you liked the Peruvian blend, it was not worth the charity from your ex-boyfriend. Even if it was the only thing that could get you through the rest of the afternoon. Even if he was holding the exact thing that you had been planning on getting.Â
Hopefully the kitchen staff would restock those capsules by tomorrow.
The look he gave you was not a convinced one, but he didnât push further. With your dismissal of his offer, the three of you lapsed into a sticky silence. Even Joy, who was so adept at making topics of conversation out of nothing, had little to add, passing up the challenge of pulling meaningful sentences out of your mouth. The stifling tension between you and Jaehyun must have been more powerful than you thought.Â
âShoot, I think Iâm getting a Teams call,â Joy suddenly said, making a show of pulling her phone out and tapping the screen.Â
Liar. She didnât even have the app notifications turned on.Â
âI should probably take this, but Iâll see the both of you later.â She flashed a contrite smile, and then she was off, almost speed-walking her way down the stairs you had come up together, all the while pressing her phone to her ear with a little too much urgency for a mid-afternoon cold call. By the look on Jaehyunâs face, he hadnât been all that impressed by her impromptu theatrics either.
âAre you still in the line?â
âSorry, yes,â you muttered at the woman behind you. Clearly, you were not the only one impatient for their caffeine fix.Â
Finally, you were at the counter. You stared blankly at the rack of capsules. The empty space where the green ones were usually stored was glaringly obvious, jumping out at you while you skimmed through the other blends for a passable alternative. After many more seconds than would have been necessary to pick one flavour out of the remaining three, your fingers closed around a gold one. It would have to do for today.Â
Jaehyun watched as you dropped the capsule into its slot and made your selections. Why he was still here with you was somewhat of a mystery. You wouldâve thought that Joyâs hasty exit would have prompted him to do the same, saving the both of you from having to make bumbling small talk about the weather, or the weekend, or whatever else that two people working at the same company, with no other relational history, could talk about to fill in the silence.
Maybe he wanted to talk about the dinner bill. The fact that he had settled it, without you even noticing, had been weighing on your mind. It was less of a money thing â though you were pretty sure the total hadnât been a modest number â than a pride thing. Being indebted to others always left a smear on your conscience.Â
Being indebted to your ex-boyfriend was like someone had shit all over it.
Whatever. If he didnât bring it up first, you would. This was the 21st century. You were both financially independent adults. Splitting the bill on a first date didnât have to be such a contentious thing.Â
Although technically, it was far from your first. And it wasnât a date either, because you had refused to label it as such in your head.
The last few drops of milk and espresso trickled into the mug, before the machine stopped whirring altogether. You knew he was still there. You could feel his presence behind you. He had probably been waiting for the noise to stop so that youâd be able to hear him speak. Taking your mug off the stand, you turned to face him.Â
âYour cardigan,â he said.
âHuh?â
Confusion splashed over you. You werenât even wearing one today.
âI have your cardigan,â he amended. âFrom Friday. You left it inside the restaurant. One of the waiters brought it out, but you had left already, so I took it with me.â He scratched the back of his neck. âI have it now, if you want it back.â
âYou do?âÂ
âI mean, itâs at my desk. I brought it in today,â he added quickly, seeing the way you were looking about his person like you were expecting it to materialise into his hands.
You blinked a few times, trying to clear the brain fog that had decided now was the perfect time to strike. âYes, Iâthank you, um, for that. I can take it off youâŠ?âÂ
Had you meant to have it sound so much like a question? It seemed like your capacity for human speech was always afflicted by some sort of malfunction in his presence.
âOkay, uh, do you want to come up to my desk? Iâve got it there.â
The elevator ride up to the tenth floor was a short one. You could have taken the stairs just to get the extra steps in, but with both of you holding uncovered drinks, three flights of stairs combined with your clumsy fingers were a slip hazard just waiting to happen. Still, despite the short journey, the seconds inside the elevator seemed to drag on for much longer.
Before you could lose your nerve, you opened your mouth to crack the silence.Â
âLet me pay you back for dinner.âÂ
Good. It sounded good. Firm, but not overbearing. Hell yeah, you were getting the hang of this conversation-with-your-ex-boyfriend thing.Â
Jaehyun seemed a bit taken aback by that, turning to you slightly with surprise woven into the crease of his brow. âYou really donât need to do that,â he said after a beat.
The elevator dinged, and he stepped out through the sliding doors before you could form a coherent response. It took a second for you to follow, the coffee inside your mug almost making a dangerous appearance all over the elevator floor as you caught up with his strides.Â
âThink of it as me taking care of a junior colleague. I am your senior, you know,â he said over his shoulder, a smile gracing his features at the latter part.
âOnly by half a year,â you grumbled. âThat doesnât even count.â The light shake of his broad shoulders let you know he had heard your gripes over his attempts at enforcing seniority. His accompanying laugh was a soft one. You barely caught it above the noise of the tenth floor office.
The mellowed cosiness of the fifth floor HR department was hard to be found here. You were used to some chatter, with the occasional high-pitched laugh from Joy punctuating the air. On days he was feeling particularly jovial, Junmyeon could be heard humming from whichever desk he had decided to park at for the day (such was the beauty of hot-desking and hotelling). The few occasions you shared a table with him had allowed you to recognise the melody of The Beatlesâ Strawberry Fields Forever â always the same song, and he hummed everything except for the words âstrawberry fieldsâ, which he insisted on singing, albeit softly.
Nothing about Digital was soft or cosy. Except maybe the sofa in one of the open creative spaces. The floor buzzed with activity, from the influx of incoming call ringtones to agenda-packed meetings in conference rooms. A group of people were clustered around a floor-to-ceiling whiteboard covered in diagrams that were undecipherable to you, engaged in animated conversation while pointing at various parts of the board. Some of them greeted Jaehyun as he walked past with you in tow.
âI had no idea Digital was this busy,â you mused out loud, following him as he weaved through the desks.
He chuckled lightly. âWe like to talk a lot. And some of us can get a bit loud,â he said. The joking undercurrent to his voice had you thinking that the second part was said with someone in mind. âBut itâs more hectic than usual. Weâve just won a really big bid and Johnnyâs excited about his first time leading one of the streams.â He paused to wave and give a thumbs-up at the man standing at the very front of the whiteboard group (you assumed this was Johnny), who returned the greetings with just as much enthusiasm.Â
Jaehyun had always been a people person. That was one thing that would likely never change.
The two of you arrived at his desk, a quieter one next to the windows offering an almost unobstructed view of the city. He dug around his workspace, pulling out a Jo Malone gift bag.Â
âIgnore the bag,â he said, catching your wary expression. âI didnât want to stuff it in my duffel with the rest of my gym stuff.âÂ
You took it from his outstretched hand, with a quick glance to check that it was in fact your cardigan. The ribbed black fabric sat inside, folded neatly over itself.Â
âIt got rained on quite a bit, so I washed it. I hope thatâs okay.â
âOf course, thatâs kind of you, Jaehyun. You didnât have to.â For a moment, you wondered if he still used the same pine-scented laundry detergent. The smell of it used to cling to his school uniform, a burst of freshness you always sought during the muggy summer days.
âThank you,â you said, giving him a grateful smile. âI thought I lost it for good.â In your mind, you had already made peace with the fact that you would probably see the thing ever again. Yet all weekend, it had been taking up space in Jaehyunâs hamper, uncertain as to when it would finally be able to reunite with your closet.
You gave him a careful look.Â
âDid you plan on seeing me today?â you asked.Â
âNo. Yes. I meanââ The tips of his ears took on the faintest hint of a pink flush. âI didnât know if I would run into you, so Iâm glad I did. But otherwise, I was just going to give it to Joy and get her to pass it along to you,â he trailed off, gaze shifting sideways to the cityscape posted on the other side of the glass windows.Â
Neither of you had bothered with exchanging contact details after dinner, an oversight that was more deliberate than not on your part. His re-entry into your life was something you hadnât felt quite ready for. And yetâ
âDo you want my number?â
Stupid mouth. The words were out before you even registered that you had spoken. You prayed he wouldnât pick up on the unintended suggestion of the question, though judging by the quick raise of his left eyebrow, you werenât the only one who realised the other possible interpretations of your words.Â
âI mean, just in case something like this happens again. So you can contact me directly,â you added quickly. Heat slowly crept its way up to your cheeks. You hoped he wouldnât notice.
âSure,â he said, lips curling into a smile. âIf thatâs okay with you.âÂ
Considering you were the one who had said it out loud in the first place, it would have been strange if you suddenly decided it was not okay with you.
There was some fumbling with each otherâs phones, before you were typing your number to add into his contacts, and he was doing the same to yours. Would he realise yours was still the same string of digits as it had been five years ago?
âWell, Iâd better get going,â you said, handing back his phone. Now was as good a time to make an easy exit as any. You had planned on gossiping with Joy in the level seven kitchen for the rest of the hour, but back to your desk appeared to be the more likely destination this afternoon. 70-page files didnât read themselves. âThanks for the cardigan. Iâll see you later, then?â
Jaehyun looked like he had more to say, but you were already turning around, ready to leave the hubbub of the tenth floor. Ready to leave the presence of your ex-boyfriend-turned-friend? Acquaintance? You shook your head lightly. A drink was needed to unpack that box of worms.
A call of your name had you pausing mid-step.
âYour coffee,â Jaehyun said, tapping you on the shoulder to hand you your mug.Â
âThanks,â you mumbled, taking it from his grasp. You hadnât even bothered to take a sip of the non-Peruvian cappuccino, the surface still untouched. It was probably cold now. Maybe youâd pass it off to Jungwoo, this time sans the salt.
âYou know, if the dinner bill thing bothers you that much, you can just make it up to me later.â
You blinked at him a few times. âMake it up to you how?â
âAh, thatâs for me to decide,â he replied, a boyish glint to his smiling eyes. Both his dimples popped out, and you found yourself unable to choose which one to focus on.Â
Then he was moving, and you were left staring at the broad expanse of his back as he walked away. Head full of thoughts wondering what the hell kind of favour he would now hold over your head, you almost walked straight into Jungwoo as you came out of the elevator.
âHey, I got a Nespresso from seven. You want it?â you asked, offering him the coffee you stopped yourself from spilling all over him. He eyed the mug apprehensively.
âYou put salt in it again, didnât you?â
âNo? Where did you even get that from? Hang on, how do you know it was me?â
Jungwoo sucked in a breath through his teeth. âSo it was you! I knew it! You know, you really are a scary woman,â he grumbled. âWho ever would have thought an evil spirit lurked behind such a kind face?â
âSo thatâs a no to the coffee?â
âI donât trust you anymore, so no.â
âSuit yourself,â you shrugged, making your way back to your desk. The attendance reports stared back at you as you logged into the monitor, drawing a sigh out of you. You took a sip of the coffee.
And frowned.
You brought the mug to your mouth again. Like the first sip, the second was also lukewarm. But like the first sip, the second also tasted exactly the same as your usual Peruvian blend. Maybe there really was no difference between all the different coloured capsules, you thought, skimming through page 33 of the file.
That thing about realisation never being on time? Still true.
On the subway ride home, gripping the handle with all your might while sandwiched between two middle-aged men in stuffy suits, it dawned on you.
Jaehyun had given you his coffee instead.
âThanks everyone for dialling in today. Weâll chat soon.â
The screen reverted back to its default background as the call ended, and you let out a sound somewhere in between a groan and a whimper. Junmyeon did not look to be faring any better, head in his hands while his elbows rested on the meeting room table.
âCan somebody please tell Jackson and the rest of the Marketing heads that Summer Fridays doesnât mean they can just take Fridays completely off?â he groaned, the sounds escaping through the gaps in his fingers. âOur absenteeism looks like itâs at an all time high. Nayeon, youâre friendly with him, arenât you?â
The girl pressed at her temples. âI mean, we were in the same advertising and PR club back in university, if that counts for anything. But yeah, Iâll schedule some time with him and go over it.â
âGreat, thank you,â Junmyeon sighed, throwing his head back. âAlright, Iâll send around a debrief email later this afternoon. Thanks everyone for your time.â
You didnât have to be told twice. A second later and you were out of the eighth floor Marketing meeting room, already on your way to the Nespresso machine downstairs. Another coffee at 4pm was slightly pushing it, but you needed a pick-me-up urgently to wash away the gruelling two hours spent going through company policy with Marketing.
The buzz of your phone was a momentary distraction from your mission.Â
It was a message from Jaehyun. Something silly in response to a text you had sent earlier in the day.Â
jaehyun [04:07 pm]: in dire need of a fake mango right now jaehyun [04:07 pm]: mmm fake mango milkshake
The smile that crept up onto your face was almost like a reflex in the way it couldnât be helped.
Now that you were acquainted again, it was like you saw him everywhere. How you had managed to completely avoid each other for the last half a year or so was a fascinating mystery. Some mornings youâd run into him in the building lobby. Heâd hold the elevator doors open for you, and youâd exchange pleasantries on the ride up to the fifth floor, where youâd get off and bid him goodbye, or see you later. And see him later you did. Whether it was at the seventh floor coffee machine, or in line at the cafeteria on twelve, the sight of his face had become a nice interruption to the hours spent at a monitor, or in a call like the one you had just escaped.
He would come down to the fifth floor sometimes, stopping by Joyâs desk or yours to say hello and have a chat if you werenât busy. You found yourself wishing he would spend less time with Joy than he did with you â not because you wanted to see him more (because that was absolutely not the reason at all), but because he was steadily gaining a lead over you in the Joy friendship competition. The three of you had spent a few lunch breaks at the cafeteria together, granted that your schedules matched, with an odd appearance from Jungwoo every now and again.
You saw more of Johnny (loud) and Mark (louder), Jaehyunâs friends from Digital who youâd normally hear before youâd see them. Johnny was his âbeloved coffee mateâ (Jaehyunâs exact words) and possibly the only other person in the building who cared about the green Peruvian capsules as much as you did. Mark was⊠Mark, for lack of a better description. There was nobody the boy couldnât strike a conversation with. If he really needed to, you suspected he could probably get along with a wet paper towel.Â
You had been offered an invitation to join the three of them for one of their weekly lunches outside the company building. Johnny was more than happy to let you know he was somewhat of an expert at finding the hottest eats in the area, having put half his floor onto the cold noodle place he had sought out at the start of the month. And laugh as you had when he proudly told you about it, Johnnyâs influence was no joke. News of the restaurant had somehow trickled its way down to HR, with Junmyeon just the other day asking around the team if anyone had tried the place before.Â
Perhaps youâd join them next week. It was always nice to be ahead of the trend.Â
You arrived at the seventh floor kitchen and sighed. The rack was out of green capsules again. Although, maybe that was to be expected. It was nearing the end of the day, and the gold capsules were finished too. So much for a 4pm pick-me-up, you thought, though it might have been for the better â too much caffeine in one day always made you a bit antsy and had your resting heart rate up in the high 80s.Â
With empty hands and a pout on your lips, you made your way back to the fifth floor.Â
Joyâs eyes were glued to her screen when you walked past her. âJaehyun stopped by while you were in that Marketing call,â she said without looking at you, squinting at a spreadsheet.Â
âDid he?â you replied, trying your best at nonchalance despite the little flip of your stomach.Â
âAre you talking about her handsome friend from Digital?â Jungwoo peered around the table with a playful grin on his face.Â
You were back on good terms now, thanks to your promise to pay for his lunch from the cafeteria for a whole week to make up for the coffee incident. The look in his eyes right now had you thinking life was better that week where he had been afraid of you.
âYeah, thatâs the one,â Joy said distractedly in between clicks of her keyboard. âJisung, can you just double check these numbers for me? Iâm in the second tab of the Excel file.âÂ
The intern was quick to comply. You had a feeling she was his favourite senior.Â
âAnyways, I think he left you something.â
You made your way over to your desk, ignoring Jungwooâs oohs and ahs. Sure enough, there was something sitting next to your diary and the three empty glasses you hadnât had the chance to rinse out yet.
It was a coffee capsule. Specifically, it was a green coffee capsule.Â
There was a sticky note stuck to the back of it, which you turned around to read. His handwriting was still identical to that of the silly little notes he used to leave in the margins of your home economics workbook.Â
saved this last one from johnnyâs clutches. enjoy ^.^
Despite the jitters from the end-of-day caffeine fix, you smiled the whole way home.
âIâve found a way you can make it up to me.â
You pulled the phone away from your ear to check the screen. 9:34 am. The Saturday morning still had you in its clutches, and it took a few seconds to process the sounds you were hearing.Â
âWho is this?â you croaked, sleep lacing your voice.Â
âItâs Jaehyun.âÂ
You sat up a little straighter against the pillows. âJaehyun?â you echoed.Â
âYes, itâs me. Do you not check the caller ID before you answer?â
You grumbled something about it being too early on the weekend to have your head screwed on properly, to which he laughed, a vivid sound even through the phone.Â
âDo you have plans later today?â
You hesitated. Technically, no, unless a hot date with Netflix and whatever leftover snacks you could find in your pantry counted as plans. You were due for a grocery trip soon. The three eggs and single sprig of spring onion in your fridge would not last for long. Cooking had never been something you enjoyed, especially not after a full work day, and yet living alone required so much of it. You didnât want to make up a non-existent dinner reservation, partly because you knew heâd be able to tell the untruth just by listening to your voice, and partly because something unpleasant niggled at your insides at the thought of lying just to avoid him. Â
âWhy, whatâs up?â you asked instead.
âWell, you know that jazz festival?â You gave an affirmative hum. âI have tickets for today. Mark and I were supposed to go together, but he just called me saying he canât make it. Something about a leak in his apartment from all the rain. SoâŠâ
You stifled a yawn. âSo?â Your brain was still trying to catch up with the land of the awake and living.Â
âCome with me?â
The words took a while and a few blinks to register. When they did, your first instinct was to say no. Jaehyun was fine in small doses. A quick chat over coffee, sporadic texts throughout the day, conversation within the safety of a group setting â these were all fine. Manageable. Nice, even. But Jaehyun in the flesh, outside of the office, with nobody else around to buffer the strange sort of tension that seemed to always thrum between the two of you â that was an entirely different ball game altogether. Sometimes, a mere run-in was enough to have your heart going a little faster than usual, nerves lighting up at the unexpected sight of his face.Â
âI am not above begging. Please donât make me go to this thing by myself.â
And yet, there was a flicker of something pleasant and sweet, something akin to excitement that curbed the nervous flutter in your gut. You were fifteen again, waiting outside the movie theatre, a little too giddy at the thought of spending time with the boy whose sweet smile had become the cause of your stomach somersaults. And that was before you had even admitted to yourself that you liked him, as more than a friend.Â
âWhat time is it?â you found yourself asking.
So maybe you were seriously considering it. You had been meaning to put that new film camera to use. The thing had been collecting dust in one of your drawers ever since you bought it on a whim one night scrolling through Pinterest. Somehow, the rows of tables and monitors in the office didnât seem like the most interesting camera subjects compared to the scenes of concerts and beach bonfires that had driven your impulsive purchase.Â
âWell, the doors open at 11, but the first performer is at 12. And Lauvâs set isnât until later in the evening.â
âLauv is performing?â Your voice had gone up almost an octave, but you couldnât care enough to be embarrassed. This was a crucial piece of information. Now you had to be there.Â
He laughed. âSo is that a yes?â
âYes. Yes, itâs a yes.â The covers were flipped off your legs in an instant.
It wasnât that Jaehyun looked bad in slacks and a dress shirt. That was not the case at all. But you had grown used to them on him over the last few weeks, and the sight of his long legs in a pair of well-fitting trousers no longer caused a spike in your heart rate.Â
Jaehyun in casual clothes outside the office was uncharted territory.Â
The midday sun was strong outside the subway station. Clad in a black graphic tee over a pair of baggy green cargos, Jaehyun stood idly at the entrance, face hidden by the brown baseball cap on his head and eyes trained on his phone. How someone could look so gorgeous in something so ordinary was a secret only he knew the truth of. He caught sight of you from across the road, waiting for the pedestrian light, and raised his hand in a wave.Â
âItâs different seeing you out of your work clothes,â he said.Â
âDifferent good or different bad?â
A soft smile grazed his lips. âJust different. You look younger.â
âSo do you,â you replied.Â
You look like the boy I was in love with all those years ago.Â
âDid you taxi?â
âNo, I took the bus. Thereâs one that goes straight from my building. I didnât know you lived around here,â you mused to yourself.
âMy place is really close.â He pointed somewhere behind him. âFive minutes that way, tops. You should come over sometime.â
A slight pause. Jaehyunâs eyes flitted down to the pavement. You werenât sure if the heat in your cheeks was from the sun or something else entirely.Â
âAnyway,â he cleared his throat, âwe should probably go. It takes 40 minutes to get there, so if we leave now we should be able to catch the 1pm.â
The subway on the weekend was nowhere near as awful as it usually was during the weekday rush hours, but packed nonetheless. You definitely preferred being stuck in a carriage full of bright-eyed and chattering teenagers than the usual crowd of solemn-faced office workers. When a seat finally freed up, Jaehyun was quick to offer it to you, manoeuvring himself so that he could stand in front of you as you sat down. Toe to toe, the tips of his shoes grazed yours, and you were suddenly reminded of study periods at the library. The two of you could never agree on who first started the game of footsie under the desk.
âSee those girls over there?â you asked quietly, nodding towards a group of likely high schoolers down the other end of the carriage. Jaehyun turned his head to follow your gaze, catching sight of the girls who immediately erupted in whispers and giggles upon making eye contact with him. âTheyâve been staring at you for the last two stops.â
He was quick to turn back towards you, nose scrunching and slightly embarrassed. âKids these days are so weird,â he said with a soft groan. âWhy are they doing that?â
âYou know theyâre only staring because youâre handsome.âÂ
Despite the pinkness of his ears, he was smiling wide. âYou think Iâm handsome?â
You blinked up at him. âI didnât say that.â Did I? âI meant they probably think youâre handsome. Which is why theyâre staring. You know. Itâs nice to look at good-looking people.âÂ
The rushed explanations did nothing to shake the feeling that you had slipped-up somehow, and he had caught it. Jaehyunâs dimples only deepened at your backtracking.
âYou know what I mean,â you finally huffed, biting back a smile at the deep sound of his responding laugh. âWhatever. I think this is our stop.â
The festival couldnât have picked a better day to be held. The skies were clear and blue, and the air carried a light breeze that provided a welcome relief from the heavy stickiness of midsummer. It was a nice change from the sporadic rainstorms that had plagued the city over the last two weeks or so. Markâs leaking apartment was proof of the temperamental weather. If you had one bone to pick, the sun was a tad strong, but that was to be expected. You had come prepared, tugging the bucket hat down further to cover your face.Â
Alaina Castilloâs set was well underway by the time you and Jaehyun made your way into the venue grounds. A decent amount of people had already arrived, trickling in to fill up the gated area in front of the main stage. The two of you filed in with the rest, finding a place towards the back of the growing crowd where there was ample room to breathe without inhaling someone elseâs breath.Â
You had never been one for being stuck in a swarm of people. A harsh reminder of why that was the case appeared when, out of nowhere, a strangerâs elbow dug into your arm, knocking you sideways in their determined path towards the barricade.Â
The steadying hand around your shoulder was instantaneous.Â
âAre you okay?â Jaehyun asked, and you mumbled something affirmative in reply, trying not to dwell too much on the warmth of his skin on your bare arm. His eyes followed the stranger who was still pushing on through the crowd in front. âPeople really need to watch where theyâre going,â he muttered, brows drawn together in a frown.
The rest of the afternoon proceeded more smoothly. It was a little unsettling how normal and nice everything felt. Jaehyun kept close to you for the sets that followed, the distance between the two of you gradually shrinking as the crowd grew in size. The occasional brush of your forearms as you moved to the music was no longer something to jump at like you had the first time it had happened. You managed to snap a few pictures on your almost-new film camera, mostly of the artist performing, but there was one of you in there somewhere amidst the stage shots, taken by an insistent and smiley Jaehyun during one of the set breaks.Â
âSo this is why you wanted someone to come with you,â you said, sliding onto the bench and passing him one of the burgers from the food truck.
âItâs so much more efficient when you can line up for two things at once. If I was by myself, Iâd either wait for the beer and let my burger get soggy, or wait for the burger and let my beer get warm and flat. This way the food is fresh, and our drinks are ice cold out of the fridge.â
You cracked a smile. âAnd here I thought you called me because you enjoyed my company.â
âI do enjoy your company,â he said without missing a beat. âThe other stuff is just an added plus.â
You took a sip of the cold beer, hoping it would stave off the quick flush of your cheeks. Jaehyun said things so easily. Too easily. It was harder and harder to adhere to that invisible boundary you had been so adamant on protecting.Â
Why were you so reluctant to let him back in? Why all the walls? He made it too easy for thoughts like that to creep in and loiter in the back of your mind.Â
Evening had begun to settle, the brightness of the midday sky fading away to a twinkling twilight blue over your heads. The music was quieter at the picnic tables by the tents, where festival-goers sought respite from the main stage crowds with a cold beverage and something greasy. Between mouthfuls of an early makeshift dinner, you and Jaehyun sat in your own bubble, comfortably falling into conversation about the performances throughout the day, or whatever else happened to be on your minds. Â
âYour mouth opens so wide,â you said, watching as he all but inhaled half the burger in one go. His nose scrunched up as he tried to take the massive bite, and the sight of it was such a far cry from his usual cool guy image that you couldnât pass up the opportunity to snap a picture of it. The click of the shutter had him looking up at you mid-chew with a dismayed expression.
âThatâs not fair. You attacked when I wasnât ready!â
âIâd hardly call that an attack,â you said, not without a smile. âI was just getting a candid.â
He wiped his fingers on the napkin. âOkay, my turn then,â he said, gesturing for you to hand the camera over. You obliged, letting him point the lens at you and fiddle with the knobs along the top. His slender fingers navigated the controls with a practised ease.
âRelax,â he added softly, noticing your fidgeting. Twenty-something years, and you had made little progress in mastering the art of posing for photos. âPretend the cameraâs not here, and itâs just you and me.â
Right. Like that was supposed to make you loosen up.
âI actually used to be really into photography. Got pretty good at it too,â he said.
âReally? I donât remember that.â
âPicked it up in uni,â he explained. âHad all this free time on my hands and didnât know what to do with it. Besides drinking.â A pause. âHonestly, first year second semester was pretty rough after⊠you know.â
The last part caught you somewhat off-guard. After that fateful April night, you had always assumed Jaehyun was off living his best life, blowing through society events with the new friends he had made, maybe even letting a few of them warm his bed now that you werenât around. It wouldnât have been the biggest surprise. Even at nineteen, Jaehyunâs good looks were uncontested. His sweet and attentive personality was the cherry on top of an already delectable cake. Whatever he got up to when the sun set, you were none the wiser, having completely wiped his existence from your phone by the time your first semester exam period rolled around.Â
Though you didnât go as far as to block his number, he never reached out, and so Jeong Jaehyun became a relic of the past, embracing his newfound freedom now that he had shed himself of you, his unwanted baggage.
Or so you thought.
âBut yeah,â he continued, âI started getting into photography. Burnt a hole in my wallet trying out a bunch of different cameras,â he said with a chuckle. âI liked film the most though, I think. Itâs the only one I still use now.âÂ
âWhat do you like about it?â
He took a moment, pausing in thought. âThe colours, mostly. How itâs a bit muted, it has that vintage feeling.â You hummed in agreement. âSelfies on a film camera are fun as well.â
âYou must really like looking at yourself,â you teased, enjoying the sight of his ears flushing with colour from where they poked out above the camera.
âNot like that,â he said in reply to the raise of your eyebrows. âItâs more like⊠when you take a selfie on film, you canât see yourself, right? Whether the focus is focusing, or if the angle is right.
âOr if your whole face is actually in the shot, not just your right eye.â
âExactly. But then taking the picture anyway. Thatâs what I like.â He pulled away from the camera to flash you a small smile. âIsnât it funny, the way we try so hard to capture moments of time?â
Jaehyunâs attention returned to the viewfinder, leaving you to quietly dwell on his words. How else could one keep a piece of time stored away if not through photos? And yet, photography would never be able to capture the entirety of a moment the way a memory could. The sound of the bandâs bass guitar from the side stage in the adjacent garden. The smell of summer carried by the evening breeze as it ruffled through his hair.
The warm feeling in your chest as you sat across from him at this wooden picnic bench, surrounded by people, sharing wistful conversation and a basket of fries.Â
The feeling of coming home.
The shutter clicked.
âGot it. That last one is going to turn out so nice.â Jaehyun smiled triumphantly, cheeks dimpling. âIf you make this your profile picture you have to add the âphoto byâ. I need my credits.â
You blinked away the precarious thoughts. âAlright, mister photographer man, give it back now. Donât use up all my film before Lauv.â
He handed the camera back to you, looking very pleased with himself. The light from the nearby tents cast a dusky glow over his face. Jaehyun from Digital was sharp and polished. The Jaehyun before you now, with his hair dishevelled from taking off the cap earlier, was softer, more open, and more subtle in the way he had slipped under your defences and picked the locks chained around your heart.Â
The question now was whether youâd let him in further than you already had.
He tugged at his collar. âGod, itâs still muggy at night, isnât it?âÂ
âYou stay here, Iâll get us some more beers,â you said, already standing up.
If anything, you were grateful for the errand, a welcome distraction from the tumultuous battle between your heart and your head that always forged on at any thought of him. The line for the bar was no shorter than it had been half an hour ago, to nobodyâs surprise (this was a festival in Seoul, of course the queues would be severe) and it was a while before the two cold plastic cups were in your hands.Â
The short time away from him had given you the space to steer your mindset back onto the charted platonic course. A little voice in the back of your mind objected, and was making a damn convincing argument about why you should be more inclined to go beyond plain friendship with Jaehyun, but you chose to ignore it, suppressing the nagging with a deep breath and a smile that you hoped looked less conflicted than how you felt. Beers in hand, you carefully made your way back to the picnic table â only to be met with a rather interesting sight.
Jaehyun was still where you had left him, thankfully. But the two girls that now stood around him were a new addition.Â
âHey,â you greeted, tapping him on the shoulder to pass him one of the beers. The taller girl visibly deflated when he flashed you a grateful smile, taking the plastic cup from your hand. The shorter one, however, ran her eyes up and down your figure with an almost calculating gaze.
âIs this your friend?â the shorter one asked, question directed at Jaehyun.
âUh, yeah, umâhi,â you answered very eloquently, introducing yourself. You tossed a glance between Jaehyun and the two girls. âDo you umâare you guys friends?â
âWell, no, not really. Minjeong and Jimin just cameââ
âWe were actually going to ask if you guys wanted to join us up closer to the main stage?â the shorter one (Minjeong perhaps?) asked, flashing a sweet smile you suspected was more for Jaehyunâs benefit than yours. âWe have a blanket and a few chairs set up, so you can sit and watch the closing set. Itâs much more comfortable than standing inside the barricade.â
âJaehyun looked a little lonely by himself,â the taller one added.
Lonely because you left him for ten minutes to go get some cold drinks? These girls were unbelievable.
âWhat do you say? Want to join us?â
Maybe you shouldâve taken the group of highschoolers on the subway earlier more seriously as a forewarning. Not that you had any say in what Jaehyun could and could not do â he was his own person, and the closest thing you had to a claim on him had disintegrated years ago. If he wanted to go hang out with pretty strangers, he could go and do exactly that, and you didnât have to follow him either. The invitation had clearly been meant for him more than it had been for you.
So what if you had been looking forward to enjoying the last set together? You were a big girl. You could brave the main stage crowds by yourself if you had to.
Jaehyun glanced at you, searching your eyes while you tried your best to keep your face neutral and devoid of the uneasy thoughts bubbling away beneath your skin. He was his own person. He could make his own choices.Â
After a second or two, he seemed to find what he was looking for, and turned back to the two expectant girls with a polite smile. âWeâll take our chances with the pit,â he answered. âBut thank you for the offer. Thatâs kind of you guys.â
The two girls made their exit shortly afterwards, but not without a final look at him, and a decidedly less enthusiastic one at you. It was quiet for a few moments, the two of you sipping on your beers without a word, waiting for the other to speak.
âYou could have gone with them if you wanted to,â you finally mumbled, eyes fixed on the contents of your cup.
To your surprise, Jaehyun let out a soft chuckle. âI donât know if you noticed, but Iâm pretty sure Minjeong had an engagement ring on her finger.â
âOh, what?âÂ
You definitely had not noticed, too occupied by the saccharine looks she was throwing his way.
âYeah. It was a pretty big diamond too. I think she must have forgotten to take it off today.â
You turned to look at him then. Jaehyun already had his eyes on you, sporting a lazy grin. âCome on, you canât think Iâm the type to mess around with married women?â
âThatâs not what IâI didnât knowââ
âDonât worry,â he interjected. âYouâre still cute when youâre jealous.â
The quick heat rising to your face dispelled any of the remaining nonchalance in your expression. âI wasnâtâIâm not jealous,â you spluttered. âI was just worriedâI mean, not worried,â you paused, sighing. âI thought youâd leave me.â
His eyes sought out yours, keeping them captive once they grabbed a hold.Â
âI wouldnât leave you.â
The teasing brevity to his voice had disappeared. Somehow, you had the feeling he wasnât simply talking about the jazz festival. The sincerity in his gaze made it hard to look away, but you had to, in the name of self preservation. Too long staring into those brown eyes was an unnecessary test of the upper limits of your heart rate.Â
âMaybe she came with her husband. He could be up there on that picnic mat, waiting for her.â
He laughed, throwing his head back. âTrust me, if her husband was here, she would not have been looking at me like that.â
To their credit though, finding a spot to watch the main stage proved to be rather difficult now that everyone had arrived to catch the final act. For a moment you considered leaving the pit to take the two girls up on their offer. But with Jaehyun by your side, you were able to navigate the crowds with a bit more peace of mind, his presence a solid and comforting anchor within the sea of people. A few rogue pushes here and there had you stumbling â and perhaps the two beers on a rather empty stomach were coming on faster than you had expected â but he was there, steadying you with a gentle hand around your arm, or the light press of his firm chest against your back.
And maybe you leaned into him for longer than necessary to regain your balance, but was that really a crime? To enjoy the touch of a friend? Was it a crime for warmth to pool in the pit of your stomach at the sight of him swaying along to Lauvâs Enemies?
No, the little voice in your head denied forcefully. Jaehyun grooving to the music had always been one of your weaknesses.Â
As the closing chords of Paris in the Rain sounded out across the venue, you pulled out your film camera.
âWalking down an empty street.â
A gentle nudge of Jaehyunâs shoulder had him turning towards you, nose scrunched in a happy half-laugh from watching the performance. You moved to face the back of the crowd and raised the camera high, pointing it towards the two of you.Â
Was the stage in the shot? Was Lauv?Â
Were you?
âPuddles underneath our feet.â
Call it courage, or liquid courage, or just plain recklessness on your part. Rising up on your tiptoes, you pressed your cheek to his, and clicked the shutter button.Â
The final chord of the song struck, softly, like an afterthought, and the crowd burst into appreciative hoots and applause, marking the end of the performance.
You were beaming as you turned back towards him. âDo you think I got that one?â
Jaehyun simply stared at you, lips parted and turned up slightly at the corners. He looked more caught off-guard than he had when you had told him you thought all the Cigarettes After Sex songs sounded the same. You felt the glowing smile on your face slip, little by little, as you let his eyes roam your features, gaze indecipherable. They flitted to your lips, and for a second you were sure you stopped breathing.
Just do it! Just fucking do it! screamed that little voice in the back of your mind.
And perhaps you wouldâve done it too, whatever it was, if it werenât for the shove from behind that sent you almost face-planting into his chest.
âWhat the hell?â you yelped, whipping your head around.Â
What was with the people here today? You never thought jazz lovers could be so aggressive and insensitive to othersâ personal space. Trying to find the perpetrator was a futile task, since the crowd had started to disperse following the end of the performance, moving in all directions.
Jaehyun looked over you with concern, the earlier expression on his face now gone.Â
âCome on,â he finally said, fingers gently circling around your wrist. âLetâs get out of here before we get trampled by the crowd.â
Overhead, the blue-black sky that had been so cooperative for the whole day emitted a low rumble, as if to emphasise Jaehyunâs words. Sure enough, by the time the two of you arrived at the station, it had started to sprinkle. Perhaps the clouds had been holding back the rain until the very end of the festival. How considerate of them, you thought.
The ride back into the city felt shorter than the one to the venue, though it couldnât have been. Saturday nights were even busier than the weekday rush hour, with people young and old out and about, ready to tame the weekend with sheer determination and a bottle of soju in the stomach. This time, there were no free seats in your carriage, but you didnât mind. Standing with Jaehyun, your heads pressed together to go through the videos in his camera roll, made the time pass faster. There was something to his photos, you decided. Something in the angle, or the light, or the composition, that made them look nicer than the ones on your phone. Maybe you ought to take a photography course too.
The clouds may have been considerate enough for the festival to hold off dumping their contents during the day, but they certainly were not for the two of you tonight. Standing under cover at the subway station exit, you watched as the torrential deluge only seemed to worsen. Thunder cracked angrily through the air. It wasnât July without the threat of flash flooding.Â
âAny drivers around?â Jaehyun asked.
You gave a sad shake of your head. âNobodyâs picking up my request. Must be because of the rain,â you muttered. Overhead, the sky split open with a strike of lightning, startling you, and you jumped back a bit, further into the covered area of the exit.
âHow about the bus?â
âI think I just missed one,â you answered, checking the timetable on your phone. âIt says the next isnât for another twenty minutes. But with the rain, it might be delayed even longer.â
You flicked through the taxi app, then the bus timetable app, and then finally back to the weather app, which you always seemed to forget to check on days like this. Three consecutive 100% signs stared back at you, and you let out a sigh. The sky would not be clearing up anytime soon.
âMy apartment is only two streets down, if you want somewhere to wait out the rain,â he said.
You looked up at him. The smile on his face was guileless, but at the same time, there was something guarded about it, like he was expecting your rejection. Perhaps you had studied his face for too long, because then he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and averting his eyes to the ground.
âOr you donât have to, we could justââ
âOkay,â you said.
His head shot back up. âOkay?â
You shrugged, a smile finding its way to your lips. âIâd rather not be soaking wet on the bus.â
âOkay,â he repeated, corners of his mouth turning upwards to mirror yours. âTo my place, then.â
The usual five minute walk to Jaehyunâs apartment from the subway station turned into a two-and-a-half minute mad dash under the downpour. Despite your attempts at keeping to storefront shelters and ducking under the cover of big trees, the short trip had ended up with the both of you drenched to the bone, teeth chattering as you dripped rainwater all over his lobby.
You said a silent apology to the building cleaners.Â
It was a relief to be dry again. Jaehyunâs sweats swamped you, the French terry fabric pooling around your feet as you sat on the couch in his living room. The top was no better, reaching almost to your knees, with the sleeves completely covering your fingertips. His clothes werenât always this big on you. At least he still used the same pine-scented laundry detergent.Â
The sound of the running shower blended smoothly with the raindrops pelting violently against the balcony window. You wrung your hands, unsure of what to do while you waited for him to come out of the bathroom. It was easy to feel out of place in a home foreign to you. The sleek furniture and minimalist colour palette of the apartment looked nothing like Jaehyunâs childhood bedroom.Â
Maybe you shouldnât have agreed to come to his place. While you were pretty sure he hadnât invited you up with any ulterior motives in mind, there was still something ambiguous about being in your ex-boyfriendâs home and wearing his clothes. And only his clothes.Â
You would have liked to keep your undergarments on, but they had also been soaked through. Going bare in these too-big sweats had seemed the less questionable option, compared to sitting with a wet patch around your butt and crotch. Heat flooded your face as you thought about your underwear and bra hanging on the heated towel rack in the bathroom.Â
Whatever. It wasnât like they were things heâd never seen before. And as for his clothes, of course youâd wash them before giving them back to him.Â
It was then that you decided that you had enough of sitting around in a puddle of fabric and your own thoughts. Jaehyunâs living room wasnât all that big, even if it felt roomier than your own, with enough space to fit a decently-sized couch and small coffee table. The tv on the far wall sat atop a rather large entertainment unit that, upon further inspection, also housed a record player and an impressive collection of vinyls.Â
You padded over, eyes flicking through the various titles printed on the covers. One of them had been taken out from the shelf and sat splayed on top of the cabinet. Maybe he had meant to play it, or just forgotten to put it away. Slowly, you let a finger trace around the edge of the jacket and over the black lettering of the title. Youâd recognise that white album cover anywhere.
Only you knew how much effort it had taken to source the thing, scouring auction sites and dodgy online stores until you finally bit the bullet and ordered it from a reasonable-looking seller with a 4.7 star rating. But it had all been worth it. The unadulterated joy on Jaehyunâs face as he undid the wrapping paper to reveal Frank Oceanâs Blonde was not something you could easily forget. Later, you found out that it had probably been a bootleg, since the official Blonde vinyls were a limited release, but he had hardly batted an eye when you broke the news.
âStill my favourite birthday present that anyoneâs gotten me,â Jaehyun said.Â
Dressed in a plain white tee and a pair of grey sweatpants, he leant against the bathroom door, surveying you with an easy smile. You must not have heard the shower turn off, the noise drowned out by the storm raging outside. His hair, still damp from the shower, hung over his eyes, and you watched as he brushed it back with his right hand, arm flexing with the movement.
The sudden flare in your lower belly was something youâd rather not feel, alone in these four walls with him, with nobody else around to witness or put a stop to whatever might follow. Youâd like to think self control was something you had a firm grip on, but it seemed Jaehyun was made to put you to the test.
âActually think it might be my favourite present ever,â he added, pushing off the door frame. He reached you in a few strides, maintaining a polite distance between your bodies.
âI didnât even realise you still had this,â you murmured, letting him take the record from your hands. You tried not to flinch at the brush of his fingers against yours. âYou didnât even have one of these back then,â you said, lightly tapping the case of the record player.
âI changed my mind, actually. The turntable is my favourite present.â
An unfamiliar twinge of dread zipped through you. âWho gave it to you?âÂ
Could it be an ex-loverâs gift sitting on display in his living room? That did not sit nicely in your stomach.
âMyself.âÂ
He was holding back a laugh, eyes squeezed into crescent moons and too busy appreciating his own joke to catch the quick roll of your eyes. Instantly, your chest felt a little lighter, and the dread vanished as quickly as it had come on.
âHere, let me put it on,â he said, shuffling over towards you to lift up the case on the record player. With gentle fingers and a delicateness you didnât see often, he unsleeved the record and carefully placed it on the turntable. A few fiddles with the side knobs and a precise adjustment of the needle arm later, the opening bars of Frank Oceanâs Pink and White filled the air of his living room.
For a minute, there were no words exchanged, the two of you simply content to enjoy the music as it filtered through the speakers. There was a quiet smile on Jaehyunâs face. You wondered if he, like you, was thinking of the last time you had listened to this album together.
The image of the two of you, sprawled out on his bed, sharing a pair of wired earphones, was hard to shake. It had been early evening, or nearly twilight. Sometime before sunset. The reflection on the ceiling of his childhood bedroom had changed along with the sky, until the only light left in the room was the dim blue glow from the laptop on his desk. At his motherâs call for dinner, he had gently shaken you awake, fingers light on your shoulder and against your cheek.Â
Jaehyun was undoubtedly handsome in the light. But there was something about dusk and the softness of the shadows on his face that made him all the more compelling. You usually werenât one to initiate, so the kiss you pressed to his mouth in the barely-lit room had surprised you both.Â
Even now, the thought strangely sent a flood of heat to your cheeks.
âSorry, did you want something to eat? I havenât been a very good host.â
The grumble of your stomach answered before you could. You bit back an embarrassed smile, but Jaehyun was not so frugal with his amusement, letting out a short chuckle. Your feet followed him as he made his way to the kitchen. Perched on the marble countertop, you watched as he rummaged through the fridge.
âI have eggs, yesterdayâs leftovers, and a shit ton of beer cans,â he announced.Â
You exchanged a glance.
âLetâs do ramen, actually. That sounds better.â He bent down to dig through the pantry, pulling out two red packets, before moving back to the fridge and getting two eggs. âI can crack these in too, andâwhy are you looking at me like that?â
It was your turn to laugh, the wide grin on your face a contrast to the cautious smile on his.
âAre we having ramen?â
His brow creased a little. âI thought you liked ramen?â The innocent tilt of his head made him all the more endearing to look at.
âI do, but⊠did you really invite me back to your place⊠to have ramen?â
It took a few seconds for the ball to drop. You held back giggles as his ears flushed hotly, as they always seemed to do on the occasions you decided to indulge yourself and tease him.
âCome on, thatâs notâyouâre doing it on purpose,â he said, bottom lip jutting out with the suggestion of a pout. Despite his grumbles, the shape of his mouth slowly settled into a defeated smile at your visible glee of having flustered him.Â
Jaehyun, soft-spoken and easy-going, was not the type to be easily ruffled. You excelled and enjoyed the challenge of it more than most.
âNo,â he said once your laughter had somewhat subsided, voice low and velvety. âBut I wouldnât be opposed.â
And suddenly it wasnât so funny anymore.
The silence that followed was a loud one. It was hard to ignore the way your mouth dried up at his words. Something warm and tingly spread from your stomach all the way down to your toes as you stood there under his level gaze, eyes drawn to his like magnets. He had to know. The effect his words had on you were surely plastered all over your face, obvious in the tight grip of your fingers against the countertop and the shortening of your breaths.
Jaehyun leaned in a little closer and you felt the inhale stick in the back of your throat. Then he cracked a crooked smile, pretty teeth all on display.Â
âDonât dish it out if you canât take it.â
He moved away then, busying himself with pouring water into a pot and bringing it to a boil while you tried to blink yourself out of the daze. âRamen okay?â he asked over his shoulder.
You cleared your dry throat, somehow finding your voice again. âRamen is fine. Thank you,â you added after a beat. You took a deep breath, waiting for the rush of blood to drain from your face.Â
Something sour settled in your chest â something akin to disappointment, though surely it couldnât be. Disappointed that what? Jaehyun wasnât actually sexually attracted to you? When you were obviously still attracted to him, despite all your attempts at convincing yourself you werenât?
You scoffed to yourself. As if.
A quick shake of your head was almost enough to clear your mind, save for the remnants of that sour feeling that lingered. You asked if there was anything you could do to help, not wanting to simply sit around on your thumbs and wait to be fed. He had insisted you do exactly that, warning you there was only enough space in the kitchen for one, and assuring that there was nothing he needed from you besides patience and faith in his cooking.Â
Patience you could give him. Faith was a little harder to muster, given your memories of the kitchen disaster from when he had tried to make okonomiyaki.Â
The questionable, half-burnt half-uncooked taste was one thing. You finding random pieces of cabbage on the tiled floor for days afterwards was another thing entirely.
However, it seemed Jaehyun had improved from his old ways. The steaming pot he brought over to the coffee table not only smelled delicious, but looked the part too. You helped carry over the small bowls and chopsticks, along with two cans of beer, despite his requests for you to just sit and be ready to eat.
You took the first bite, blowing on the noodles to cool them down before slurping them into your mouth. All the while, he watched you, an expectant expression painting his face.Â
âWow. Youâve grown up, Jeong Jaehyun. Who wouldâve guessed youâd become such a whiz in the kitchen?âÂ
He smiled, a bashful one at your compliment. âBeing able to cook ramen is nothing impressive,â he said, digging in with his own chopsticks.
âThere was no way you could have made this for me when we were 17. Look at this egg!â The centre was perfectly soft, not too runny, but not rock hard either. Just the way you liked them.Â
You took another mouthful. âYouâre a changed man,â you said. âHonestly, your place is a lot cleaner than I expected it to be.â
âThatâs what living with four other guys will do to you. I had to learn how to clean out of pure survival,â he chuckled.Â
âWas it really that bad?â
He grimaced. âYou shouldâve seen my dorm room. Basically a biological hazard.â
âThey didnât let non-students into the building. Your building RA was crazy scary, remember?â Even now you could remember the perpetual scowl of the law major when Jaehyun brought you into the dorm lobby.
âIt was probably for the best. You wouldâve broken up with me on the spot the second you walked through the door.â
You shared a laugh. Strangely, jokes about your break-up were light-hearted in their landing, the words leaving much less of a prickly uncomfortableness than you had been expecting. Perhaps it was still an event of importance in your life, but that cloudy unpleasantness you had come to associate it with had dissipated. It was a turning point, certainly. But so was graduation, and moving out, and travelling overseas for the first time.Â
Your feelings about those things werenât all bad. As you shared the pot of ramen and sipped on your beers, you realised, neither were your feelings about Jaehyun.
âIâm telling you, I was drinking Taeyong under the table. And I do mean that literally. He was passed out and laid across the stools.â He grinned, proud at the memory of beating his senior even five years later. You couldnât help but grin too, amused by the sincerity of his expression and the way his shoulders set in accomplishment.
âOkay, okay. So now youâre a better drinker, youâve gotten good at cooking, and youâre cleaner too.â
âAnd funnier,â he added.
âThat one is still up for debate,â you joked, and his eyebrows furrowed together in mock offence. Digs at his sense of humour were not taken lightly.Â
âJust because you donât get my high quality gags,â he sighed, shaking his head. âYouâre missing out.â
You nodded, making a noise of agreement if only to appease him.Â
âWhat about me? How am I different?â you asked, voice curious.Â
Jaehyun didnât miss a beat. âHmm, I think you got older?â
âCome on, Iâm being serious!â
His laughter subdued then, surveying you thoughtfully. A quiet smile tugged at his lips when he spoke again.Â
âYouâre more outspoken than you used to be.â He paused, taking a sip from his can while trying to find the right words, all the while keeping his eyes on you. âYou prioritise yourself more. And youâre more sure of who you are. You shine brighter, I think.â
Strange, how a personâs gaze could strip you down and make you feel so naked. There was nothing but earnestness in his eyes, plain and absolute, and the intensity of it was almost too much for you to bear. After all your time apart, Jaehyun could still see you, and see through you.Â
I think you still know me inside out, and that scares me, you wanted to tell him.
Instead, you looked away first, tearing your eyes away from his with considerable effort. The pot of ramen on the coffee table, lukewarm now, was almost finished. The music had also stopped playing a while ago. Neither you or Jaehyun had bothered to get up and flip the vinyl to the other side, too busy eating. All that was left was the rain, and even that had faded to a soft pattering against the glass, following its own rhythm.Â
Hastily, you stuffed a piece of kimchi into your mouth, for lack of anything better to do. The crunch of it in your mouth was loud, and you fought back a cringe.
âDid your mother make this?â you asked, hoping your attempt at diverting the conversation wasnât so obvious.
If Jaehyun noticed, he didnât show it, only nodding in confirmation.Â
âShe dropped some off last month,â he replied. âRemember how you told me herâs was better than your own motherâs?â
You let out a scandalised gasp. âAs if I would ever say such a thing! Donât let my mother ever hear something so blasphemous about her favourite daughter.â
âYouâre her only daughter.â
âAnd you care too much about technicalities. Just because Iâm the only one doesnât mean I canât still be the favourite.â
The crisp crunch of another piece of kimchi punctuated the end of your sentence. There was certainly something different about Mama Jeongâs recipes. If there was one thing you missed besides Jaehyun himself, it would have been his motherâs cooking. The woman knew her way around a stovetop better than a Michelin chef, at least in your eyes.Â
You thought of her warm smile, and her even warmer embrace. Jaehyun had inherited many things from her, kindness being the greatest of them. Back then, she had been so sure of your future place in their family, welcoming you into her home as if you were her own daughter. You wondered where she stood on that now.
Still clinging onto that idea, perhaps, or were her sights now set on someone else?
âYouâve got somethingâŠâ Jaehyun murmured.
He reached across the table, over the pot and the small bowls, the movement quick and almost instinctive. Soft fingers found purchase on your left cheek. His thumb was gentle as it brushed away the stray chilli flake from the corner of your mouth.
Just the lightest touch against your bottom lip. And the warmth of his hand cradling your face.
Then he froze, as if to catch himself, but the damage was already done.
Jaehyun pulled his hand back with a start, an inscrutable expression across his face. He spilled a quick apology that you smiled away, putting on a composed front. At least, you assumed it was an apology. It was hard to hear anything above the buzzing chaos of your mind. The air filled with idle noise as the two of you shuffled in your seats.
âI should umâI should probably get going,â you mumbled, avoiding his eyes. The meal had long been finished. Your hands were already beginning to gather up the bowls and utensils into a stack for easy carrying.Â
Jaehyun hummed, something akin to resignation in the noise. âYeah, uh⊠I guess so.â
âLet me help you clean up first, and then Iâll be on my way.â
Despite his protests against you assisting with any kind of housework, there you were at the sink, helping him scrub everything nice and clean within the small space of his kitchen. Maybe he was right about there only being enough space for one person behind the counter. The aluminium beer cans went into their designated bins, and you made sure to wipe down the coffee table too.
This time, your half-damp, half-dried clothes found their way into a Byredo shopping bag â Jaehyun would rather die than not smell good â though your shoes still squelched rather uncomfortably when you slipped your bare feet in. By luck, you were able to book a taxi and could pass on the wet walk to the bus stop.
You thanked him again for bringing you along, noting that you probably got more out of the alleged âfavourâ than he did.Â
âTrust me, going with you made the whole thing so much better,â he said, both cheeks dimpling in your favourite smile of his. âAnd let me know if you need to get the film on your camera developed. I know a place.â
The ride home was flavoured by a sudden loneliness. Maybe it was the view of the city at night, or the absence of people out on the rainy streets, that had an empty feeling settle in your chest.Â
Perhaps you should have delayed leaving his apartment. Perhaps you shouldnât have left at all, and instead weathered the night away with Jaehyun on the couch, some slasher flick playing on the television while you shook under the blankets and tried not to scream at the jumpscares, like you used to. You never did understand why he liked horror films as much as he did.
Perhaps heâd slot his fingers between your own and give them a reassuring squeeze, and gaze at you with the kind of amused fondness he only ever reserved for you.
Heat flooded your face. As if you were entertaining the thought of spending the night at your ex-boyfriendâs place. And getting butterflies at the thought of holding hands?Â
How embarrassing.
One thing was for certain. The walls you had put up were cracking, and there seemed to be little hope of patching them up.
âWill you stop messing with that thing?â
Jungwoo clicked his tongue against his teeth, fingers still fiddling with the ribbon on the gift bag.Â
âItâs not straight,â he grumbled, pulling at the bow.
âYouâre so pedantic.â
âItâs called being detail-oriented,â he fired back, leaning against the backseat of the taxi with a sigh.
You raised an eyebrow. âYou say that like Iâm not.â
âWell,â he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. His mouth formed the shape of a smirk.Â
You flicked a glance towards the rearview mirror, checking to see if the driver was paying attention to the two of you in the back. After verifying he was not, you landed a few (softâŠish) punches on Jungwooâs upper arm, revelling in the shocked little noises he made, along with a few mumbles of âthat actually hurtsâ and âcrazy womanâ.Â
How nice it was to let your hands fly without the threat of some other fifth floor witness reporting you for physical harassment.Â
âIâm telling Joy the present is entirely from me,â you warned, turning around to face the front again.
âRight, except the card inside says my name too. So thatâs not going to work.â
You reached into the gift bag, pulling out said card before rolling down the window. âLet me just throw this out.â
It was Jungwooâs turn to deliver a light smack to your wrist. You dropped the envelope back in the bag, not without tossing an eye-roll his way. He knew just as well as you did that there was no real substance behind the threats â banter with Jungwoo was more for amusement than anything else. Deep down, you were quite fond of him, even if your actions tended to say otherwise, and youâd like to wager he quite enjoyed your company too.Â
You couldnât wait to get a few shots in him later tonight. Word had it he was a notorious lightweight.Â
âHopefully nobody vomits. Iâd hate to be cleaning that up in my own house.â He shuddered at the thought.Â
âOh, donât you worry about that,â you smiled sweetly, patting him on the shoulder. âYou just focus on sticking to your limit, okay? I heard what happened at last yearâs wrap up event.â
He bristled. âNothing happened! It honestly wasnât even that bad. Iâm getting unfairly slandered,â he sulked. âI think you should stop hanging out with Joy so much.â
âYeah, alright. Should we just skip her birthday party and turn the car around then?â
âShut up.â
The taxi pulled up in front of Joyâs apartment complex, a tall modern thing with much bigger windows than your own building. And so much more glass, too. After splitting the taxi fare with Jungwoo, the two of you stood at the entrance, waiting for the intercom to connect.Â
âAre you sure you pressed the right buttons?â Jungwoo asked, peering over your shoulder.
âYes, of course. Apartment 814.â
âMaybe you should let me try.â
You let out a sigh. âItâs three numbers, Jungwoo. How is it going to be any different if itâs you pressing them instead of me? Do you think the keypad is going to magicallyââ
âHello?âÂ
An unfamiliar male voice crackled through the intercom. âAre you here for Joy?âÂ
âYes,â you and Jungwoo answered in unison.Â
âGreat, Iâll come down to get you guys now. Will only be a minute!â and then the line disconnected.
You and Jungwoo exchanged a glance. âIs he going to let us in?â you asked.Â
âHe literally said heâd come down to get us,â he answered flatly. âDo you not listen?â
âIt was hard to hear him clearly with all the noise in the background,â you grumbled in defence. Hopefully Joyâs walls were thicker than your own, and her neighbours would not lodge a complaint halfway through the night.
The elevator doors slid open to reveal the face of the intercom answerer. It wasnât detective work to match up the real thing to the pictures Joy would sometimes show you, though he looked taller in real life than he did in the photos from their weekend Jeju trip.
âSorry about the wait, it was a bit hard to hear the doorbell,â he greeted, ushering you both inside with a warm smile. âIâm Doyoung, by the way.â
You and Jungwoo both introduced yourselves as you stepped into the elevator after him, to which he responded with a hum in recognition, and a knowing grin.
âAre you on door duty for the night?â Jungwoo asked.
Doyoung nodded, pressing on the button for the eighth floor. âIt appears I am. She has her hands full with guests to entertain, so,â he trailed off, eyes glazing over for a split second, âyouâll see what I mean when we get up there.â
You had never imagined that a 2-bedroom apartment could fit so many people. Granted, it was nothing compared to the kind of parties you frequented during your university days where cheap spirits and green soju bottles lined the counter, but it was quite a distant cry from the gathering you thought it would be. Judging by the look on Jungwooâs face, he had not been expecting this either.Â
There had to be at least forty people. It almost made you wonder why she didnât just book out a space instead of letting everyone invade her and her boyfriendâs shared home.
Doyoung made his exit rather quickly after letting you in, probably off to tend to one of his many other duties as unofficial host â poor guy was likely in for a very busy night â leaving you and Jungwoo to fend for yourselves in the entryway of the apartment. There was barely any room left in the tiled space for you to put your shoes.
How did Joy even know this many people? was the thought at the forefront of your mind as you helped Jungwoo stack his sneakers next to yours on a rack further down the hallway. Her present was left on a table near the entry piled with gift bags and wrapped boxes that you assumed was the designated drop-off area.Â
Speaking of the birthday girl, you spotted her mingling in the living room and pointed her out to Jungwoo, though it was no easy feat finding her. The number of people, coupled with the dim ambient lighting, made it a challenge to recognise familiar faces. Joy, champagne glass in hand, was swept away in conversation with one of the most beautiful women you had ever laid eyes on. The gorgeous lady held a matching champagne flute in one hand, while the other was wrapped around the arm ofâ
âJunmyeon? What the hell is he doing here with that beautiful woman?âÂ
Jungwoo took the words right out of your mouth, a somewhat displeased noise making its way past his lips. You couldnât help but echo the sentiment.
âCanât believe this turned into a work function the moment we stepped through the door,â you all but groaned. âAnd here I thought having you around was bad enough already.â
You expertly dodged the elbow he jabbed into your side.
Joy spotted the two of you then, lingering by the kitchen, and quickly excused herself from the conversation to rush over. The champagne wobbled precariously in her glass as she approached, engulfing the two of you in a sweet-smelling hug.
âMy little children! Iâm so glad you could make it!â she cried, resting her chin in the space between your shoulder and Jungwooâs. You exchanged a glance with the boy amidst the chorus of âhappy birthdayâs.Â
There was a 77% chance she was drunk already.
âHad a little too much fun tonight?â you asked, helping to prop her upright again.
Joy only beamed in response. âAll the more fun now that you two are here. My favourite fifth floor prisoners.â She gave your cheek a soft pinch.
âQuick question,â Jungwoo began, âwhy is our manager in your house?â
âWith his arm around a beautiful woman way out of his league?â you added, swatting her fingers away from your face.
âThatâs my sister Irene,â she said, like it was common knowledge.Â
You raised an eyebrow. âSince when did you have a sister?â
âOkay, well not my real sister,â she amended, hurriedly waving off your words. âShe was a senior in my department. I was really close with her back in university, so, basically my sister. I think we look pretty alike, honestly.â
âAnd her relation to Junmyeon isâŠ?â
Joy threw a conspiratorial glance around before leaning in, beckoning the two of you closer. This time, a few drops of the champagne did manage to escape via the side of her glass, narrowly missing Jungwooâs white socks.
âI set them up. On a date!â she whispered, eyes glinting with pride. Why she chose to whisper when it was already hard enough to hear her above the noise at her normal speaking level was beyond you.
You blinked at her a few times. âYou set up a goddess like that⊠with our manager?â
Joy waved another hand dismissively. âOh, please. Like Junmyeonâs not handsome too. You only think that because youâre too used to seeing him frown and squint at a monitor.âÂ
You cast a glance in his direction. Maybe she was right. Junmyeon did look somewhat more like a human without his glasses and the semi-permanent lines etched into his forehead. He even looked (dare you say it) quite nice. But maybe it was the poor lighting that made it seem that way.
âAnyways, itâs been about⊠two months now? I think they look pretty good together,â she mused, following your gaze.Â
Junmyeon must have said something funny â a rather loose use of the word by your standards â because Irene had her lovely face scrunched up in a laugh, the pitched sound of it ringing out clearly above the noise of the apartment. In her amusement, she even threw a hand out to slap him lightly on the arm, which he appeared very pleased by.
Sure, you laughed at his jokes too, but it was more out of corporate self-preservation than actual amusement.Â
âHe kind of has been in a better mood recently,â Jungwoo said thoughtfully.
Joy grabbed his hand with fervour. âYes, exactly! See? Thanks to my sacrifice, we can all enjoy a nicer, much more pleasant office environment.â
âIâd hardly call that a sacrifice,â you chuckled. âYou take too much pleasure in playing matchmaker.â Joyâs response was nothing more than a guilty smile, followed by her emptying the rest of the glass.
It was then that you heard it â the deep, reverberating laugh that always bordered a little bit on breathlessness. It was slightly unnerving how quickly you could pinpoint the sound of his voice without even seeing him, or knowing that he had entered the room.Â
You turned around first, eyes drawn to the entry hallway in search of the face to which the laugh belonged. Of course he was going to be here. You knew that. He had said as much two days ago, bidding you farewell across the cafeteria table with a promise to âsee you on the weekend at Joyâsâ.
Lunch with Jaehyun had recently become a rarer occurrence. From what he told you, and the bits of information you gleaned from Joy about Digital, Johnny had pulled Jaehyun onto his team to try and get a firmer grip on the reins not even two weeks ago. Already, the intensity of the new workload was obvious.
You certainly saw him less, much to your disappointment â you could admit that to yourself now.
Jaehyun emerged from the hallway then, midway through another laugh with an arm slung around Doyoungâs shoulders. Funny, how all the other faces were so murky and hard to identify under the dim lighting. And yet, the shape of his dimpled smile was unmistakable to you, as bright as the beacon of a lighthouse on the midnight sea.Â
Doyoung scanned the room, catching sight of Joy with you and Jungwoo. He gestured at his girlfriend, and Jaehyun obediently turned in your direction, likely wanting to give his greetings to the birthday girl.
Your eyes locked, and your heart gave a woeful little squeeze in your chest.
âIâm just going to do a quick check on the drink inventory,â Doyoung said as they approached, âIâll be right back. And please take care of my favourite guest.â With a final friendly pat on Jaehyunâs shoulder, he was off, ducking into the kitchen.Â
âHappy birthday!â Jaehyun beamed, arms circling around Joy in a hug which she enthusiastically returned. He grabbed Jungwooâs hand, pulling him in for one of those man greetings. (Since when were they close?) Their apparent friendship was an unexpected development.Â
And then it was your turn. You wondered if it was as easy for others to find solace in a mere gaze as you did with Jaehyun. His eyes did not stray far, wandering around your face, something tender and comforting in his appraisal of your features. A hand came up to brush against your lower back, a gentle and quiet greeting against the excitement of the previous two. His lips pulled into a soft smile as he called your name in greeting.Â
âYou two are ridiculous,â Joy scoffed.
You inhaled sharply. Was it really that easy to tell? The depth of your attachment?
âYou planned this, right? I mean seriously, matching outfits?â she asked, gesturing at you and Jaehyun.
You blinked a few times, looking down blankly at yourself. The dark wash denim and white silk that you had picked out yesterday looked back at you familiarly. Then you glanced at Jaehyun, taking in his white t-shirt, half tucked into a pair of jeans that were exactly the same wash as yours.Â
The coordination was completely unintentional â you had no idea what you were going to wear tonight the last time you had spoken to him â but the look on Joyâs face told you there was no use in trying to convince her of the truth.Â
(You wouldâve argued that the cowl neck of your white silk top elevated your outfit above Jaehyunâs plain white tee, but you digressed.)
âOkay. Iâm done with this,â Jungwoo said, throwing his hands up in defeat. âIâm going to do what single people do, and that is to get a goddamn drink.â
âMe too, another bubbly,â Joy chimed, grasping onto Jungwooâs arm as he turned to leave for the kitchen. âSee my success rate? Let me set you up with someone. My hairdresserâs daughter went to Korea University Business School and graduated not too long ago.âÂ
The rest of her appeal to play matchmaker for Jungwoo was swallowed up by the music and chatter of her guests. And then it was just you, and Jaehyun, and the thirty other people filling up the living room.Â
The two of you shared a glance before dissolving into a few light giggles.Â
âI do think I pull it off better,â you teased, giving Jaehyun another once-over. He was as handsome as always, the white cotton draped picturesquely across his lean frame while the dark jeans made his mile-long legs look even longer. He could wear a garbage bag and make it look couture.Â
âI wouldnât be so sure about that,â he said with a crooked smile.Â
He raised his arm to reveal the denim jacket draped across his arm that you hadnât noticed before, too busy making sad little googly eyes at him that you hoped other people couldnât see. The jacket was coloured in the same wash as his jeans, and your own.Â
You gave a scandalised gasp. âNo, a matching set? How am I supposed to beat that?â
âYou canât. You can only admit defeat to the double denim. I out-Justin-Timberlaked you.â
âJustin Timberlake is not a verb.â
He only grinned in response, teeth pearly and eyes sparkling as he took in the slight pout of your mouth.Â
âWhatever,â you conceded with a wave of your hand, though a smile crept its way onto your face. âYou win. Letâs get something to drink.â
Jungwoo and Joy were nowhere to be found when the two of you made your way to the kitchen. What you did find was an impressive selection of bottles atop the marble counter, a selection that easily outdid the ones from your university days in both quality and variety.Â
At least one thing was the same. Green soju bottles were always a dependable presence.Â
âShall we go for your favourite?â Jaehyun asked, holding up what looked to be a bottle of wine. You moved a little closer, peering at the label through his fingers.
âI do enjoy a good red,â you replied, accepting the glass he offered you with a quiet âthank youâ. You took a small sip â because tonight, you felt no need to gulp down alcohol like a camel to ease your nerves â before adding, âMerlot is far from my favourite though.â
âReally?â He raised an eyebrow. âI do seem to remember how you pretty much finished a whole bottle by yourself. At dinner, that time at the Italian place.â
You held back a wince at the recollection of that fated blind date. Of course heâd remember that. It would be hard to forget the way you all but sculled down three full glasses in the time it took him to finish one. A quick sideways glance revealed the slight upturn to the corners of his mouth, paired with a telling glint in his eyes. Jaehyun was teasing.
âIt was honestly quite impressive,â he said, lips curling into a full-blown smile now.
âThat was different,â you said. The next sip went down a little faster than you would have liked. âThat was out of necessity.âÂ
There was no way I couldâve made it through that night without alcohol in my system, you almost said, but caught yourself just in time.Â
A few seconds passed before either of you spoke again.
âWere you really upset to see me?â
Gone was the playful lilt to his voice. This question was asked softly, carefully, the sound of it so delicate you were afraid it would shatter in the air at your clumsy reply. Slowly, you turned to look at him, seeking the reassurance you were sure you could find in his eyes, but they had moved to the contents of his own glass. You followed their path, watching as he gave the liquid a few absent-minded swirls.
âMaybe. A little, I think,â you admitted. âI donât know. There was a lot going on in my head that day. When I realised it was you.â
A pair of giggling women â Joyâs guests who you didnât know â approached the counter, one of them tentatively reaching for something in front of you. Noticing her struggle, you shuffled slightly towards Jaehyun, trying to make some space around the counter. The one with her hand outstretched flashed you a grateful smile, which you politely returned, although with far less vigour.Â
Perhaps the bustling kitchen in the centre of all the foot traffic wasnât the best place for a conversation like this.
There was some fussing with the bottle cap, or whatever it was that they couldnât quite get to work, followed by a considerably clean pour for two people who were clearly not quite sober. Then they were gone, giggling the entire way out of the kitchen and freeing up the space around you.
If you wanted to, you could have stepped back and returned to your original spot before their arrival. Put some more distance between you and Jaehyun again. Not that you were seriously encroaching on his personal space, but it was enough for you to recognise the proximity.
Instead, you took the smallest of steps closer and placed a hand on his forearm. His eyes flitted down at the touch, taking in the way your fingers lay feather-light on his skin, just above the ridge of his wrist.Â
âIâm glad it was you,â you said. The words were true, but the honesty of them still tasted odd on your tongue, and you fought back a cringe. Jaehyun finally turned to meet your eyes, some semblance of hope, or maybe it was relief that coloured his expression. âAnd Iâm glad weâre here, now,â you added.
You hoped he knew you werenât talking about the far right corner of Joyâs kitchen.
Jaehyun smiled, and it was like the sun had finally risen up over the stark mountain peak, bathing everything in a warm, golden glow. It was the kind of warmth you didnât realise you craved until the full force of it spilled over you, washing away the blue and the cold.Â
âMe too,â he said softly.
Even if you hadnât fallen victim to Joyâs schemes, you would like to think the two of you would still end up here, only via longer and slightly different routes. Perhaps an unexpected run-in in the lobby on a Tuesday morning, or the eventual and excruciatingly awkward introduction through Joy. Whatever it may have been, youâd like to think you wouldâve found your way to each other again eventually.Â
Curiosity tickled your mind. âWhat about you?â
âHmm?â
He was still smiling, the lines by his nose just visible, and he had his eyes on you, though there was a faraway look about them. Something about his gaze reminded you of the way youâd regard a painting, framed and hung up on a wall in some art museum â carefully examining the details of the brushstrokes against the canvas, yet all the while trying to hold the whole piece in your mindâs eye, and let it touch the surface of that primal emotion somewhere inside of you. The depth of his gaze was enough to make you self-conscious, and you quickly averted your eyes, taking another sip from your glass. It was a good excuse to school your features before you spoke again.
âHow did you feel when you saw me? Were you upset?â
Jaehyun regarded his own glass wistfully. âNot exactly upset, no,â he began, though a movement in his peripheral had him trailing off.Â
Another of Joyâs guests had appeared, hovering beside the two of you with his eyes set on the bottle of whiskey directly in front of you. Politely, Jaehyun side-stepped away from the counter and wrapped a gentle hand around the bend of your elbow, guiding you out of the hectic buzz of the kitchen. It stayed there, warm and comforting, until you found your way back to the open space of the living room, and even then he was slow to let you go, fingertips lingering a just second too long before they retreated back to his side.Â
âI think I was surprised, more than anything,â he continued. âDidnât really know what to expect, not that I was expecting much. I never even thought Iâd get to see you again after university. Thought you were gone for good.â
He paused, one side of his mouth quirking up slightly. The movement was small, and you wondered if you were supposed to have caught it at all.
âYou stood there, with your bag in one hand and your cardigan in the other, looking like you were waiting for me to spontaneously combustââ
âOkay, Iâm sure it wasnât that bad.â
ââand all I could think about was how you were even prettier than I remembered. And back then I already thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.â
At that, you were quiet. Whatever silly rebuttal or attempt to defend yourself died quickly on your tongue as you let his confession settle beneath your skin, warming it from the inside out. Jaehyun was not even one bit fazed, looking like he had just said something trivial about the weather, or stated some objective fact like âgrass is greenâ. For him, honesty had never been the heavy, cumbersome challenge it was for you. Judging by the resigned smile on his face, he wasnât expecting some grand response from you either, which was all the better, because god, what were you supposed to say to something like that?
âOh, there you are,â came a voice from behind you, followed by a hand on your shoulder.Â
Joyâs timing was impeccable, as always.
âSorry, this one is coming with me,â she said to Jaehyun, looping her arm around yours with half-drunken determination. âUs fifth-floors have some business to settle. With darts.â
Your eyes followed the direction of her outstretched arm, where sure enough, there was a dartboard hanging on the wall by the balcony. Jungwoo was there, standing obediently with his hands crossed in front of his stomach as he politely nodded along to whatever Junmyeon was animatedly saying. The beer bottle Jungwoo cradled, now forgotten, seemed more like an accessory than an actual beverage. He caught your eye and sent you a frantic look.
You whipped your head back to Jaehyun. âPlease donât let her take me.âÂ
Surely, he could see the pleading, the desperation in your eyes.
Jaehyun, having witnessed the whole exchange between you and Jungwoo, only grinned. âIt does sound like some serious business,â he said, cheeks dimpling. Joy made a noise of agreement and gave your arm a little tug.
âYouâre more than welcome to come and spectate, Jaehyun,â she called out over her shoulder as she herded you towards her destination. His only response was a hearty laugh. You stared at him in despair as you were towed away by the birthday girl. Next time youâd invite his boss to the function.
The game of darts (or seven games, if you were being precise) was decidedly less awful than you had expected. Junmyeon had promised not to speak about work and by some miracle, actually stuck to his word. Maybe you even got to know the guy a little better, outside of his office habits like the specific order in which he drank his three teas everyday (yuja, then chamomile, and lastly peppermint). Like you, he was somewhat of a wine enthusiast, though his knowledge of French vineyards was far superior to yours.Â
By the third round, the game had clearly left your little work circle. Jaehyun joined in at one point, competitiveness getting the better of him. Doyoung tried his hand too, and he was honestly abysmal, but smiled the whole time and seemed to be enjoying himself, even if he had to pick the darts off the floor on every turn. Out of all the players over the course of the seven games, Junmyeonâs date Irene had been the most unexpected hidden card, scoring three bullseyes in a row.Â
Oh, to be a goddess and have perfect hand-eye coordination.Â
âYou feeling okay?â you asked a rather blank-looking Jungwoo. His eyes were beginning to droop, and so was the rest of his body, long limbs sprawled out against the leather. You could swear he only had his initial bottle of beer and the two celebratory soju shots Joy had forced him to take (from which you were not exempt either), and yet here he was, half-asleep on the couch.
âHmm,â was his eloquent reply.
The party was slowly drawing to a close, the living room much emptier now than it had been when you first walked in. Junmyeon and Irene had made their departure some twenty minutes ago, and there were only a handful of guests left, most of them getting ready to leave as well. Grown adults didnât gamble with their sleep schedules.Â
Doyoung emerged from the hallway, running a hand through the mess of hair on top of his head, already tousled from the fifty or so times he had repeated the action throughout the night.
âOkay, sheâs knocked out,â he sighed. On his face, you glimpsed the first sign of relief you had seen all night. âI donât think sheâs going to puke, but I left a bucket by the bed just in case.â
You flashed him a grateful smile. âThank you for tonight. I canât imagine it was easy having to wrangle all these people for so long.â
âOh, itâs no big deal. As long as Joyâs happy and had a good time.âÂ
Even though he was clearly exhausted, Doyoung smiled, and the fondness held within it felt like a private thing you shouldnât have witnessed. Your mind went, now as it always did, to a certain dimpled smile.
âIâd better get this one home,â you said instead, gesturing at Jungwoo slumped on the couch. You turned towards the boy, patting his shoulder gently. âCome on, time to go.â
âMmffh.âÂ
Another brilliant and enlightening response.
The owner of your favourite dimpled smile stepped out from the bathroom to the sight of you struggling to get Jungwoo upright enough to loop an arm around your shoulders. The half-asleep boy was lean, but definitely heavier than he looked, or perhaps the few glasses of wine over the course of the night had sapped some of the strength from your body. Jaehyun was at your side in an instant, shouldering most of Jungwooâs weight as the two of you dragged him to a standing position.
âIâll come with you,â he said, no room for discussion in his tone. You had no mind to protest anyway.Â
Doyoung was already busying himself with clearing plates and glasses from the living area when Jaehyun bid him farewell. The guy seemed to have formulated a detailed plan of attack to get his apartment back to the no-doubt spotless state it had been prior to tonight.
âI sorted out most of the empty bottles so you should be able to just throw them out in the morning,â Jaehyun said over his shoulder. He crouched on the ground, guiding Jungwooâs disobedient left foot into the correct shoe, carefully doing up the laces once both feet were inside their corresponding sneakers.Â
You tossed a glance back at Doyoung whizzing around the place like a Roomba, feeling a pang of guilt for not having done much to help him clean up. Even though you had been a much more gracious and tidy guest than other people in Joyâs company, you couldnât help but feel like there was more you couldâve done, apart from babysitting a very not-sober Jungwoo and making sure he didnât crack his head open on the corner of the coffee table.Â
âItâs fine,â Jaehyun said softly. You turned to look at him, half-surprised, and he only flashed you a small smile. âDoyoung likes to clean. I think he finds comfort in it.â
He was fluent as ever in your micro-expressions. Maybe one day youâd learn to stop being surprised by it.Â
The taxi back to Jungwooâs place was shorter than you had expected. His head lolled between your shoulder and Jaehyunâs in the backseat, before finally finding a home in Jaehyunâs lap. Even when you finally tucked the younger boy safely into his own bed â after going to great lengths to extract his building code which involved a series of profuse apologies to his neighbours who you had mistakenly rung in the middle of the night â there was an impressive imprint on his right cheek that exactly matched the side seam on Jaehyunâs jeans. You couldâve sworn there was a small, wet patch of drool left behind on the denim, and you were sure Jaehyun himself had noticed it too, but he gave no indication of complaint.
âAre you far from here?â Jaehyun asked once the elevator had brought the both of you back down to Jungwooâs lobby.
âIâm actually just a fifteen minute walk away,â you answered.
The invitation in your voice was silent, and you knew he wouldâve accompanied you home even if you lived on the other side of the city. Still, some achingly pleasant emotion settled over you when you heard his footsteps fall in with yours against the pavement. He took his place between you and the open street, shielding you from the bustle of late night delivery bikes and club bound taxis.
Though the days still resembled summer, nights were when the beginnings of autumn could reveal itself. The slight chill in the air was not unbearable, but still noticeable against your bare arms, and just enough for goosebumps to spring up on the skin there. Before you could even bring your hands up to wrap them around yourself, Jaehyun shrugged off his jacket and wordlessly draped it over your shoulders.Â
âThanks,â you mumbled, drawing the collar close around your neck. The stiff denim was a little rough, but warm from his body heat all the same, with faint traces of his woody scent lingering on the fabric.
Jaehyun thrust his hands in his pockets and grinned. âNow you out-Justin-Timberlake me.â
âStill not a real word.â
You supposed there was something about night-time that made it feel all the more forgiving to the emotional afflictions of the human condition. Perhaps it was only against the muted palette of the midnight blue sky and the dimly lit city streets that you felt brave enough to face the truth of your feelings, without agonising over the consequences of acknowledging them. Even so, you found yourself wishing the night would stretch on for just a little longer. Honesty always seemed to wear off faster than it came on.
âYouâve been crazy busy lately.â
Jaehyunâs responding laugh contained little amusement. âCrazy busy is one way to put it. I canât believe Johnny has had to deal with all of this the whole time. This client is so,â he paused, trying to find the right word, before finally settling on âdemanding.â The look in his eyes gave you the feeling there were many other more colourful adjectives he wanted to use instead.
The two of you passed the convenience store corner of your street. Your place was not too far up ahead, the glass building doors almost visible if you squinted. The night was coming to an end, and something cold and heavy settled in your chest to accompany the realisation.
âThey want us in New York working on the new client site as soon as possible, so weâve been running around trying to get visas and everything sorted,â he sighed.Â
Your footsteps faltered.Â
âYouâre going to New York?â you asked.Â
He nodded.Â
âWhen?â
âWithin the next week, if everything comes back approved.â
You hadnât even noticed that you had come to a standstill until Jaehyunâs footsteps also slowed to a stop. The both of you stood like that, under the dim glow from the streetlights, in the middle of the sidewalk.Â
âWeâll probably be there until the end of the year, at least until the design piece is done,â he said.Â
Did your face betray the sudden drop of your stomach? Did the sound of a fissure cracking through your chest escape through the slight parting of your lips?
It was silly, really. That one small piece of information could turn your entire world on its head. International travel on a project wasnât a rare occurrence. And you supposed you wouldâve found out sooner or later, even if he hadnât told you, because he had no obligation to update you about every development in his life, even if they involved crossing continents. Even if you wanted to know every little detail.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes moved from his shoes to your face. The shadows cast by the streetlights made it hard to decipher his expression, but you thought there was a pleading look to his handsome face. What he was pleading for, you werenât entirely sure.Â
You cleared your throat and finally found your voice again. âThatâs really exciting, Jaehyun,â you managed, trying to keep your tone light. âI hear New York is gorgeous this time of year.â
The smile you pasted on your face was a flimsy one, and you could feel your top lip begin to tremble when he didnât quite return it. Before it could turn into a grimace, you let the corners of your mouth fall. There had never been any use in putting on an act in front of him. Unsure what else to say without sounding insincere â though you were excited for him, truly, this little fit of sadness was a silly thing that would pass surely and quickly â you turned and resumed your steps towards your apartment.Â
Another few minutes and youâd be in the safety of your own home. Free to let your top lip tremble and quiver, and let the inexplicable lump in your throat force its way out, rather than try to swallow it down.
It only took a few steps for you to realise that Jaehyun had not followed. You looked over your shoulder to find him standing there by the streetlight, eyes fixed on the ground again.Â
âI donât want to go,â he said, toeing at a crack in the concrete. âIf I didnât have to, I wouldnât. I donât want to leaveâŠâ
You.
He may not have said that last word, but you heard it all the same. Your chest squeezed with emotion you couldnât quite place.
âBut you have to,â you said softly. A gentle breeze blew through the early autumn air and you briefly wondered if your words had been carried adrift.
He looked up at you then, eyes burning into yours with unspoken sentiments. A thousand words were conveyed with that one look, those few seconds in which you understood everything he wanted to say, and nothing he wanted to say, because he hadnât said much at all. Just like how he could read your emotions with a simple glance at your face, you saw his reluctance. You saw the irresolution in his resolve, and how it wavered as he turned over in his mind the things he wanted to say to you, and how much of his heart he was willing to risk.Â
âBut I have to,â he agreed.Â
Jaehyun still knew you inside out, yes, but you knew him too.
Your feet dragged over the last few hundred metres to your apartment complex, until you finally reached the door and there was nothing left you could do to delay the inevitable.
âHere,â you said, handing his jacket back to him. âThank you for walking me home.â
He took it from your outstretched hand, fingers just brushing your knuckles. âOf course.â
And maybe Jaehyun was just as unwilling to let you go. His feet stayed firmly planted on the concrete pavement in front of your building, even though you were pretty sure no harm would befall you across the five steps into the lobby. The two of you stood there for a while, neither quite knowing what to say, or how to ward off the odd melancholy you knew he felt too.
There were so few guarantees of forever in life. You knew that. And even if you had never really gotten him back in the first place, you couldnât shake the feeling that you were losing him again. Except this time, he wouldnât just be a 67-minute subway ride away. This time, heâd be a 14-hour flight away, on the other side of not the city but the world, with 7,000 miles and the entire Pacific Ocean separating you.Â
And yes, heâd come back eventually, but who could promise that the feelings between the two of you now would be the same upon his return? You knew that you were in no position to demand he refrain from exploring other romantic pursuits, to deter him from making new connections in the diverse metropolis that was New York City, and all the excitement and energy that came with it.Â
You had unknowingly gotten in the way of that once.
âWell, Iâd better get inside,â you said quietly, gesturing at the building behind you. Jaehyun only nodded.
This was it. All things must come to an end, you thought as you walked up to the lobby door. Even if they never really started. Perhaps you and your hesitance to let him in had played the biggest part of all, and whatever it was between you and Jaehyun wouldnât be ending before it began if you had only been more forgiving at the start. Less pointy and disagreeable. Perhaps then you would be parting now on more certain terms, and youâd carry some peace of mind knowing heâd be coming back to you, instead of the crushing weight of disappointment currently lodged underneath your sternum.
And yet, what difference did it make? Youâd be losing him anyway, no matter what you did. In two weeksâ time, heâd be sitting in a conference room on a different continent, regardless of whether you said nothing or cussed him out to his face right now.
Your hand froze on the steel handle for only a second before you turned around to face him again. Three determined strides was all it took to close the distance between you.Â
âWhat is it?â he asked.
There had been few occasions where you had seen Jaehyun drunk, or at least not sober, in the years you had known him. Your split early on in university had not afforded you many chances to witness his supposedly high tolerance in action at weekend benders. Nothing more than a few underage sips snuck from his dadâs glass at the dinner table. You took a second now to look at him, really look at him, taking in all the details of the face you knew almost as well as your own.Â
Pink. Everything about him was so pink, from the slight tinge around the whites of his eyes, to the lingering flush in the apples of his cheeks.
To the pretty colour of his soft, full lips.Â
They parted with confusion when you approached. Carefully, you reached out a hand and placed it against his cheek, feeling the way he leaned into your touch almost immediately. His eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments before they were searching your face again, almost fervently.Â
âI justâŠâ you whispered, trying to commit this picture of him to memory.Â
What difference did it make?
It was hard to tell who moved first. Youâd like to believe it didnât matter.
The rhythm of your lips against his was unfamiliar at first, clumsy from years of disuse. Through slow and careful movements, you reacquainted yourself with the shape of Jaehyunâs mouth, the pillowy swell of his bottom lip as it gently slid in between your own. It fit there perfectly, like it always did. His hands came up to graze the curve of your waist, resting lightly on your skin as if he was afraid youâd crumble like sand in his grasp.Â
You tilted your head, parting your mouth ever so slightly to let the tip of your tongue brush against the underside of his top lip. The kiss changed immediately. You felt his surprise in the small puff of air that escaped through his nose and landed softly against your cheek. His fingers gripped at you with a newfound strength, pulling you flush against him. Even through the fabric of your shirts, the outline of his toned chest was unmistakable. Your hands found their home in the softness of hair at the nape of his neck, revelling in the throaty sound that left him as you ran your hands through it.Â
How had you denied yourself of this for so long?
Jaehyun must have pulled away first, because suddenly you could breathe again, shaky gasps coming in and out through your mouth. He fared no better, pressing his forehead gently against yours while he tried to catch his breath.
You couldnât think. You felt electrified, as if every nerve ending in your body was simultaneously firing, as if your blood was laced with dynamite. Hell, you had half a mind to invite him up to your room and finish off what you had so brazenly started.
âItâs late,â he finally managed, voice rough. âYou should head in.â His hands, however, stayed firmly in place around your waist. You watched as his Adamâs apple bobbed up and down with each swallow.
Right. Perhaps it was best to let the night end here, before you could do anything else that you might regret.Â
âYeah, I should probably,â you murmured, catching the way his eyes followed each movement of your mouth as you spoke. The sound of your voice seemed to break the daze he was in, and you felt his grip on you loosen, slowly and reluctantly. The arms you had looped around his neck made their way back to your sides. You were released from his warmth far too quickly.
Impulsive decisions (like inviting your ex-boyfriend to spend the night in your one-bedroom apartment with nowhere to sleep except in your bed) seldom ended well. You shouldâve known better than to make those rookie mistakes.
You had barely turned around to walk up to your building doors when Jaehyun wrapped a warm hand around your wrist and pulled you back into him. He pressed his lips to yours, swallowing the small noise of surprise that left your mouth. This time, his kiss was softer, surer, and in it you tasted the sweetness of unspoken promises he was determined to keep.Â
âIâll see you when I get back,â he said, dark eyes fixed on you with conviction. Your lip colour had smudged by the side of his mouth, leaving behind a faint pink stain that only added to the pretty hue of his now kiss-swollen lips.Â
He was still the most gorgeous person you had ever seen.Â
âSee you when youâre back, then,â you echoed.Â
Some odd emotion, neither happy nor sad, settled in your chest as you pushed open the door to the emptiness of your home. You had rushed to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jaehyun before he left, only to find he had gone already, and the sidewalk outside your building was as vacant as to be expected for this hour of the night.
No matter. Youâd wait for him to come back.Â
âOne more prosecco before he disappears to the bathroom for the rest of the night.â
You cast a glance at the catering table and clicked your tongue against your teeth.
âHalf a prosecco,â you concluded, taking a sip from your own glass.Â
Joy raised a shapely eyebrow at you. âYou know it doesnât hit until at least twenty minutes after he gets the munchies.â
âTrue, but he specifically told me he skipped lunch today so it would hit earlier, and heâd have the energy to mingle.â
âWell,â she shrugged, âI guess thatâd do it.â
The two of you turned your gazes back to the catering table, where Jungwoo was doing some serious damage to the salmon ceviche tostadas. The glass in his hand was empty, and you watched as he asked for a refill from one of the waitstaff.
âSomeone should really stop him,â Joy sighed. âBefore we get a repeat of last year.â
âSomeone should,â you agreed.
Neither of you made a move.
As far as year-end wrap-up events went, this one wasnât too bad, even if it was your first at the company. This year, HR had managed to book one of the smaller function rooms at an upscale hotel, with an open bar and hors dâoeuvres menu to match. It was a nice chance to celebrate the yearâs achievements, and get to know the other people in the department a little better. Already a year in this place, and youâd be lying if you said you knew the name of every person on your floor.
September to November had flown by in a blur. Recruitment for the companyâs graduate program next year had been an intensive few months of screening, interviewing, reviewing, and then interviewing again. As hectic as it had been, the fruits of your teamâs efforts had been warmly recognised with smiles and praises from the senior managers and higher-ups youâd had the chance to speak with tonight.Â
Traditionally, each department hosted their own event, though from what you gathered, HR and Marketing were the only ones that put in any real effort. While HR liked to keep things classy, Marketing liked to go all out.
âDo you think itâs true that Marketing rented out a yacht this year?â you asked. Surely their budget wasnât that excessive.
Joy made a face. âGod, I hope not. Itâs the middle of December. Iâd be surprised if the Han River wasnât all frozen over.â
Winter had come early this year, sinking its cold fingers into November and staking its claim. Yet, there had been no snow, even though it was only a few days out from the holidays. Though it was nice that your clothes stayed relatively dry all day from the lack of precipitation, you couldnât help but miss the sight of the city covered in a blanket of white softness.Â
âThere he goes,â Joy said, nudging your arm. You turned to see Jungwoo excuse himself from the conversation, setting down a barely-touched glass on the tablecloth. He made a beeline for the menâs restrooms, or as close to a beeline as he could manage in his current state, face flushed and a little queasy.
It was a good thing the companyâs holiday closure started tomorrow.
âOkay, you win. Want to come and get a refill with me?â she asked. âWe can say hi to a few of the directors over there.â
The thought of having to network with more seniors, when you had already spent the last hour and a half donning bright smiles and laughing politely at their lacklustre jokes, was not a pleasant one. You knew it would be a good thing for you to go and introduce yourself, but your battery for social interaction had long since been depleted. Perhaps you shouldâve taken a page out of Jungwooâs book.
Still, you flashed Joy a grateful smile. âYou go ahead. I might grab some air, actually.â
âOkay,â she replied, eyes warm with understanding. âBut make sure you put your coat on. Itïżœïżœs freezing out there.â
She was right, of course. The toasty interior of the function room was a completely different world from the frigid gust of wind that greeted you as soon as you pulled the sliding door open. An upscale hotel needed to have a matching upscale view of the city. You leaned against the balcony railing, blocking out the icy sting of the metal against your hands, and took in the sight of the not-quite-frozen Han River below, and the sparkling Seoul Tower further away on the skyline.
Youâd only be out here for a little bit, you told yourself. Just a few minutes, and then youâd head home.
Truthfully, you could have left half an hour ago when your reserves for socialising had just run out, and be within the warm and familiar confines of your own bed right now, doom-scrolling to your heartâs content. But these days, the solitude of your apartment that you had once found comforting had evolved into a loneliness that youâd rather avoid.Â
The empty echoes of your own footsteps across the tiled floors didnât bounce against the walls like deep laughter did.
Absent-mindedly, you thumbed at the pendant sitting at the hollow of your throat. You had turned your jewellery box inside out, almost fully convinced that you had lost the thing entirely until you finally spotted the milky pearl set in white gold, underneath all the other chains. It was gorgeous when you had first opened the velvet box all those years ago, and it still was now, even if you hadnât seen it for quite some time. Jaehyun always had an eye for beautiful things.
You werenât the only one who endured a few packed and chaotic months. Johnnyâs team had flown out of the country the Wednesday after Joyâs birthday and had been sequestered in New York ever since. Between your swamped schedules and the 14 hour time difference, conversations with Jaehyun were intermittent at best, and sparse and uncoordinated at worst. Sometimes heâd message with silly little things, like the time he sent you a picture of a doll sitting in the window of an antique shop.
this reminded me of you, the accompanying text had said.
He was due back soon, and there was still much left to be said, but above all, you only hoped that he was well, and that the New York winter was much more forgiving than it was here at home.
The cloudy wisps of air formed by your breath floated upwards before they dissipated into the night sky. No wonder the balcony was empty â who would want to be out here when there were mozzarella stuffed mushrooms and central heating on the other side of the glass?
You heard the doors slide open behind you as someone else equally as crazy decided to step out into the cold. Just as well. It was time for you to head back anyways. You turned to make your way inside, only to freeze in your tracks.
âThey told me Iâd find you out here. You really know how to pick a spot, huh?â
A soft gasp left your mouth.
âJaehyun?â
He gave you a smile, your favourite smile, where his dimples were only just visible, and there was the hint of a pout to the shape of his lips. He was here, and he was in front of you, looking at you like you were the most wonderful thing in the world that he would ever have the good fortune of knowing. Your chest swelled almost painfully at the sight of him.
âWhen did you get back? How did you even get in here?â
âWe landed in Incheon earlier this afternoon. I had to pay the door guy outside a hundred bucks for him to let me in.â
Your eyes widened. âHe canât make you do that!â
âJust kidding,â Jaehyun chuckled. âI only had to show him my company ID.â
He walked over to where you stood by the railing and rested his arms against the metal. His profile was sharp against the darkness of the night sky, and you took a moment to study the details while he took in the view.Â
âAre you tired?â you asked. âIt canât be easy adjusting to the time difference.â
âA little,â he admitted. The bags under his eyes were dark and purple now that you could see his face up close. He must have been exhausted. Nobody ever slept well on long haul flights. âYou should see Johnny though. He would have come tonight, but jet lag is seriously kicking his ass.â
You shared a laugh, traces of your breaths mingling in the air. Beside him, you settled back into your original spot, mirroring the way he leaned against the metal railing. Jaehyun was close, but not too close, your elbows only a few centimetres apart. A mellow silence settled over the balcony as you gazed out at the river, watching the never-ending stream of cars as they circled the waterfront.Â
With even this, you were content. His mere presence next to you was a remedy in itself, regardless of the words shared or touches exchanged. You felt more at home in this moment now than you had in over 3 months.
âIâve missed you,â he said, still gazing out into the distance. The gravity in his voice hinted at circumstances beyond the recent season he had spent on the other side of the world. And yet, he had said it so simply, as if the words were an immovable truth that would withstand the corrosion of time.
âIâve missed you too,â you replied.
Maybe it was just that simple, because it was the truth. The nights weathered away in your own apartment were only lonely because there had been an absence of him, an absence that was known to you, even if you had not felt it for many years.
He turned to you, taking in a shaky breath. âI should never have let you go.â
âOh, Jaehyunââ
âI was young, and foolish, and I thought I knew what I wanted. And I had you, but I thought I wanted more, because I wanted everything. I wanted the whole damn world.â
Something sharp pricked behind your eyes as you listened to the honesty pouring out of him.
âAnd then I lost you, and it wasâgod, it was⊠like someone had sucked all the colour out of my life. And I had no one to blame, because I was the one who did that to myself. To us.â
It was so hard to not notice the pain etched into his beautiful features. The tight set of his jaw. The redness that rimmed his eyes. Your fingers ached to reach over and smooth out the crease between his brows.
âThere were so many things I could have done to make things right between us again. Even if you wouldnât have me back. But my pride, and my ego⊠I did nothingââ
âYou canât pin it all on yourself, Jaehyun,â you said, shaking your head. âI had no idea what I wanted. And even when I did, I never actedâI never stood up for myself. I couldâve fought for us, but I didnât. I just accepted everything. Hell, I never even told you how I felt.â
You flashed him a watery smile. âWe needed the time away from each other, donât you think?âÂ
There was a moment where the two of you simply stared at each other. A hurricane of repressed emotions swirled in your chest, finally breaking the surface five years on. Jaehyun must have felt the same, reliving all those memories now. You could see it on his face.
Youth was so beautiful, and precious â even the heartbreak, and all the other foolish things that came along with it.Â
âI let you go once, and maybe that was meant to happen.â He took a step closer. âBut weâre not dumb teenagers anymore. Iâm not⊠I wonât make the same mistake twice.â
His eyes locked on yours as he gazed at you with reverence. âDonât you still feel the same? Even after all these years?â
I do, you wanted to say.Â
You would have too, if it werenât for the small speck of white that landed in Jaehyunâs dark hair. It was visible for only a few seconds before melting away. You looked up and sure enough, the night sky was dotted with white.
âFirst snow,â you breathed, watching as the snowflakes fell from the sky. âDo you know what that means?â
Jaehyun gave you a small shake of his head. Of course. He never believed in superstitions.
You reached for his hand, feeling his fingers respond to yours immediately. He was so warm, and his touch breathed life back into your frozen body.
âIf you see the first snow with someone you love, it means that your love will be true and long-lasting.â
A few seconds passed as he took in your words, trying to make sense of them.
âYou⊠love me?â
âI do,â you admitted. A teardrop finally spilled out from your waterline, leaving behind a wet track on your cheek that stung in the cold. âEven when I thought I hated you, deep down, I think I still loved you.â
One of his hands came up to wipe away the trail of moisture from the escaped tear. The action sent a shiver through your entire body.
âI never stopped loving you,â he confessed softly, stroking your cheek. You felt it then, that deep, aching feeling that had threaded itself into the very marrow of your bones.Â
Longing. You longed for his presence, his smile, his touch. You longed to hold his heart in your hands again, and give him yours in exchange. You had missed him more than you could bear, and here he was, telling you his heart was where it had always been, sitting in the centre of your palm.Â
Perfect moments didnât exist, but damn did this one come close.
âCome here,â Jaehyun whispered, pulling you into him.Â
His mouth was just as sweet as you remembered. His lips were a little rougher, slightly chapped from the cold. His kiss was slow and patient, taking his time to explore the shape of your mouth and mould to it again. You felt his smile, the slight tension in his bottom lip giving him away, and you couldnât help but reciprocate, a quiet giggle bubbling in your chest before escaping through your lips.Â
âI really fucking missed you,â you mumbled against his mouth, another giggle accompanying the words. âYou kissed me and then you were on a plane to the other side of the world.âÂ
âI told you Iâd see you when I was back, didnât I?â he reminded, giving your waist a small squeeze. âAnd for the record, you kissed me. Not that it matters.â
You swatted a hand against his chest. âI see you still care too much about technicalities.â
Jaehyun only laughed, that deep and familiar sound you had craved to hear for the last 3 months. He pulled your hands into his warm ones, and pressed his lips to your knuckles.Â
âYour hands are cold,â he murmured, wrapping his fingers around yours.Â
âWell, I was about to head back inside when you found me. Itâs nice and toasty in there.â
âDo you want to go in now?â
You looped your arms around his neck and buried your head into the crook of it. âLetâs just stay out here for a little bit longer,â you said, words muffled by the fabric of his coat. âYou always run hot in the colder months anyways. Enough to keep me warm.â
He hummed in agreement, holding you flush against him as the snow fell around you. In his arms, you were the most at ease you had been in years, and the thought was almost enough to bring a fresh new wave of moisture to your eyes.Â
âWhat is thatâsomethingâs digging in,â he suddenly said, pulling away from you. His eyes landed on the pendant that had slipped out from underneath the lapels of your coat. Wordlessly, he reached for it, running his thumb across the pale pearl that hung from your neck.Â
âYou kept this?âÂ
âOf course,â you answered. âYou kept yours.â
He smiled, a big one, dimples marking his cheeks. âOf course,â he repeated.Â
âWeâre lucky, arenât we? To have found each other again after all this time?â
Jaehyunâs reply took the form of another sweet and unhurried kiss. It warmed you from the inside out, all the way down to the tips of your toes.
âSo weâre really doing this, right?â he asked. âWeâre giving us a second chance?â
You raised an eyebrow. âAre you telling me you said all that earlier just for shits and giggles?â
âOf course not,â he chuckled, squeezing your sides again. âI just wanted to make sure. I think I might lose faith in the world if you tell me you donât want to be with me.â
âYou have nothing to worry about,â you reassured. The snow was sticking to his hair, and you took a second to run your hands through it, brushing off the half-melted pieces. His eyes fondly followed your every movement.
âGood, because I plan on keeping you for a long time.â
You returned inside shortly after. The snow had picked up and it was clear that you couldnât stay out for much longer (unless you wanted hypothermia, which neither of you did). The function hall was much emptier now than it had been when you stepped out, and of the remaining faces, none of them were familiar.Â
A quick glance at your phone showed a few unread messages from Joy.Â
joy [08:32 pm]: hey, had to leave, doyoungâs still working tomorrow so itâs an early night for me joy [08:33 pm]: hope you and jaehyun work things out joy [08:33 pm]: iâm rooting for you guys!!
joy [08:37 pm]: also can you see if jungwoo is okay joy [08:38 pm]: i donât think heâs come out yet
âCan I ask a favour, just before we go?â
Jaehyun smiled back at you sweetly, devotion written in his eyes. âAnything.â
âPop into the menâs room and check if Jungwooâs still alive?â
Life was a funny thing.Â
âThere are so few things in life that are guaranteed. Death, for one, and taxes, for another. Sorry if that was a bit dark and killed the mood. You can laugh, by the way. But I think everyone here would agree, neither of those two are all that conducive to happiness.â
Roundabout.Â
âSo when the girl youâve been chasing, for what feels like an eternity, finally gives you a second chance, you absolutely cannot take it for granted. You grab onto that chance with both hands, and even your teeth if you have to. Itâs no guarantee for happiness, but itâs your best bet.â
Unpredictable.Â
âIâm not a God-fearing man, but Iâm a God-believing man. I thank God everyday for bringing such a magnificent woman into my life.â
He raised his glass.Â
âJoy, you make me the happiest person in the world, and I canât wait to be married to you.â
The crowd broke into warm applause as Doyoung finished off his impromptu speech by planting a kiss on his bride-to-be.
âHeâs so good at talking,â you mused, wrapping your arm around Jaehyunâs. âIf thatâs his toast for this, I wonder what his vows will be like.â
A year ago, you would never have believed that youâd be attending your co-workerâs engagement party, much less with your ex-boyfriend who you hadnât seen in 5 years. Spring had well and truly arrived, and with it came promises of love and new beginnings. The last rays of the April afternoon sunlight filtered through the windows of the riverside art centre. The venue was gorgeous, floating on the edge of the river with unobstructed views of the skyline and where it met the water â as always, Joy knew how to pick a spot.
âI didnât know she rejected him before they got together. He must have really liked her.â
Jaehyun gave you a crooked smile. âFour years of university, and he never gave up. Even when she started dating that blockhead from liberal arts.â
âI bet he wouldâve felt like the luckiest guy in the world when she finally said yes to a date,â you said, watching as the happy couple shared a moment, giggling about something nobody else was privy to. Jaehyun followed your gaze and made a small noise of agreement.
âNot as lucky as I am to have found you again.â
He ran his thumb across your knuckles. You couldâve sworn there was stardust sprinkled into those pretty brown eyes of his.
Life was a funny thing, for sure. It had a funny way of bringing back things you once thought you had lost forever. You knew now that you had to seize them before they passed by. Who knew if theyâd ever turn up again?
âOkay, thatâs enough.â
Jungwoo set his glass down on the table with a loud thunk, lightly startling you.
âIâm right here. You guys know that, right? I am right in front of you.â
A sheepish smile was thrown his way. âSorry.â You patted his hand once, softly. âYour time will come, Iâm sure of it,â you reassured. âHow did the date with the KU Business girl go?â
âI flaked,â Jungwoo said simply.
âNo! Why?â
He sighed. âBlind dates are really not my thing. Itâs too awkward. And it feels so superficial. Like, what if you have nothing in common, or thereâs no physical attraction, orââÂ
Jungwoo paused, cutting himself off. âActually, Iâm not talking about this with you people. Iâm going to get another drink.â With that, he turned and headed straight for the cocktail bar. You and Jaehyun gazed at him from behind as he walked off.
âIâm gonna be babysitting him again tonight, arenât I?â Jaehyun asked, the question directed at nobody in particular.
âPeople are going to start wondering if youâre dating me or him.â
His mouth curled into a smirk. âShould I give them a reminder?â
âMy boss is standing right over there, so no.â
Junmyeon and Irene were still going steady, to your surprise. Youâd probably be seeing more and more of him, since Joy and the rest of the Parks genuinely treated Irene like one of their own. The thought wasnât exactly a pleasant one, but not awful either. Maybe you were warming up to him.
âAlso, you should probably be careful about who you call blockhead,â you said to Jaehyun, holding back a smile.
He fixed you with a suspicious stare. âAnd whatâs that supposed to mean?â
âYou know,â you trailed off, gesturing vaguely at his head. The smile broke through, your cheeks lifting as you tried to keep the laughter from coming out. He, on the other hand, was thoroughly unimpressed.
âYou should really watch your mouth,â he said lowly, though he was smiling. There was a look in his eyes that sent a jolt straight to the pit of your stomach.
âOr what?â
His hands were all over you before you even made it through the door.
âMy beautiful, gorgeous, sexy girlfriend,â he mumbled, peppering your neck with kisses between each adjective. The keypad finally beeped and you pushed down on the handle, letting the door swing open as you pulled him in by the collar.
âStop talking and just kiss me,â you sighed, dragging his face back up to yours. He was all too eager to comply, mouth slotting over yours with practised ease. His tongue brushed along yours in the way he knew you liked, pulling your bottom lip into his mouth with just the right amount of pressure. Fire licked at your insides as he drew a light moan from you.
Four months in, the second time around, and everything with Jaehyun was still electrifying. Â
Your hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, finally succeeding with undoing the top one after a few tries. Hands came up around the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto his kitchen countertop. The marble was cool to the touch, and you felt it through the silk of your dress, a soft gasp of surprise flying from your mouth into his awaiting one.
âBeen wanting to do this all day, ever since you put this thing on,â Jaehyun rasped. The heat of his body radiated into you from where he stood between your parted legs. He was so warm up against you, and he smelled so good, you were positively light-headed with desire.
His mouth ghosted over the shell of your ear, sending a shiver through you. âYou look so fucking good,â he said, teeth gently grazing the skin of your neck. âMy pretty girl.â The quick press of his hips into yours pulled another moan out of you, and you braced a hand against the marble countertop.
Your fingers knocked against the edge of something sharp and sent it tumbling to the floor, where it landed with a heavier thud than you were expecting.
âWhat was that?â you forced out in between gasps. Jaehyunâs teeth nipped at your collarbone, showing no signs of letting up. âWait, Jae, something fell on the floor.â
You had smashed a mug in your apartment in the midst of it once. Better safe than sorry.
Reluctantly, Jaehyun detached himself from you and bent down to retrieve the fallen item. He was breathing hard as he picked up a thick, padded envelope, and flipped it over to read the details.
âPhotos,â he finally managed, tossing the package back onto the counter. âWe can look at them later.â
His mouth was on you again, working at the spot between your neck and shoulder that always had your knees weak and toes curling.Â
âWait,â you giggled, âmy film photos? I want to see.â He had sent the camera off almost two weeks ago, and you had been (im)patiently waiting for the developed pictures to be sent back.Â
Jaehyun looked up at you with hooded eyes. âReally? You want to look at them now?â
You nodded.Â
A beat passed before his face broke into a lazy smile.Â
âOkay,â he chuckled softly, reaching for the envelope again.Â
There was a good stack in there. The ones on top were more recent, with a few shots from his birthday that had recently passed. You had taken him ice skating at the outdoor rink atop Namsan Mountain. The twinkling lights that hung from the trees surrounding the rink were still beautiful, even through photos. Jaehyun was good at so many things that it was unfair â how could he be so talented and have a face like that? â but on that day, you discovered that ice skating was not one of his strengths, and the bruises on his tailbone could attest to that.Â
âThe colouring on these is really nice,â you murmured, flicking through the photos.
He hummed. âThey are. This place doesnât over-saturate the images, which is why I like them.â
A few more pictures from Christmas, where the two of you had set up a pillow fort â it had always been a childhood dream of yours â and stayed in watching movies for three whole days because it was too cold to do anything that required leaving the house. Funnily enough though, you had spent New Yearâs Eve out in the cold with a few thousand others, waiting for the annual fireworks. There were a few shots of those as well.Â
You neared the bottom of the stack, recognising the blur of colours that formed the crowd of the jazz festival from last year.
âAll of these are out of focus,â you complained, a pout adorning your lips. The shots of the stage, of the artists, even the one of Jaehyun and the cute face he made trying to fit the burger in his mouth. Only the two pictures of you were crisply defined, because he had taken them.Â
You flipped to the last photo. It was the one you took at the end of the show, during the closing bars of Lauvâs set. Miraculously, this one was in focus. You could see the press of your cheek against Jaehyunâs, and the slight surprise in his eyes as you had clicked the shutter. Lauv was nowhere to be seen, but maybe a clear shot of him as well would have been asking for too much.Â
âCan I say something cheesy?â Jaehyun asked softly.Â
âYouâll say it anyway.â
âI really wanted to kiss you. On this day.â
Strange, that it was these words which brought heat to your cheeks. Surely there were other things that would be more appropriate to blush about, instead of a months-late admission that was degrees more innocent than your current situation, where Jaehyunâs shirt was half undone, and the fabric of your dress was bunched up around your hips.Â
âI wanted to kiss you right there, in the crowd. And then I wanted to kiss you again, here, when you made that stupid ramen joke. And when you had that chilli flake stuck on the corner of your mouth.â
You set the last photo down on the counter and turned back to Jaehyun, who was still standing between your knees.Â
âAnd how about now?â you asked, the corners of your mouth lifting in a teasing smile.Â
He cradled your chin, tilting your face towards his, and let the pad of his thumb brush over the swell of your bottom lip.Â
âI think you already know the answer to that.â
The crescent moon was high and luminescent in the sky when you caught your breath again, the last few waves of euphoria ebbing away through your body. Jaehyun always indulged you.
Maybe a little too much.Â
You turned to him, nestling your face into the crook of his neck and breathing in the scent of soap and his skin. A finger lazily traced over the ridges of his stomach.Â
âThat tickles,â he mumbled into your hair. It mustâve still been damp from the shower, but he didnât seem to mind. Fatigue was already tugging away at him.Â
âDo you want me to stop?â you asked softly, looking up at him.Â
He shook his head, just slightly. âI like knowing youâre there.â
You resumed your movements, but it was only a few seconds before Jaehyun was shifting, soft laughs filling the intimate space of his bedroom. Â
âThat really does tickle,â he said, smile threaded into his voice. One of his hands reached for yours, pulling it up to rest against his chest. The gentle press of his lips on your forehead was a delicate thing.Â
You fell asleep like that, feeling the steady beat of his heart, quiet and sure beneath your fingertips. It was warm in his hold, and safe. There was no other home you needed to know.
#jaehyun#nct jaehyun#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun angst#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun smut#jaehyun fic#nct 127#nct 127 x reader#jeong jaehyun#nct jaehyun x reader#nct x reader#nct 127 fanfic#kaleidohscopic works
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another long reblog cuz im crazy abt this story
omg, i LOVED this chap? and i loved all their dynamics?? the chapter was so intriguing. it's so good?? plot is plotting. mia you're so fucking talented to pull this off. my god, i love your writing so much. it's the perfect blend of angst, humor and fluff (and ofc smut). and the fact that you're writing this out of your comfort zone?? respect. srsly tho, i loved this chap!! im so ready for the next chapters hehe.
and ofc, fave parts below!!
it was privacy that was the real myth.Â
asdghjkl, well being in a camp with 13 men is .... interesting
when Soonyoung and Seungkwan sat right next to you, loudly comparing their dick sizes.
and not the underwear boxing lmaoo. guys...*sigh*
1.Hell no you didn't want him or anyone in this camp to realise just how (as Jihoon called it) thirsty you were.
"thirsty you were" đđđ
You couldn't just walk up to such a man and tell him, âhey, you're hella hot and I'm hella attracted to you, I wish you would ravage me.â????Â
honestly, i would. (only for cheol tho đ)
you liked to take Natalie on a walk to visit the man she had a big fat crush on.Â
AHHHHHHH, JUN LMAO. AND NATALIE ?!?! i miss natalie
Soonyoung wasâŠâŠ.. A teenager stuck in a manâs body.
more true words have never been spoken
he was handsome, goofy, really good with his hands, really really good with his brain but the same didnât extend to his mouth.Â
"the same didn't extend to his mouth" im hollering
For now, you were to focus on building your core strength and basic self defense, in case the camp is ever attackedâŠ. Yes, cause that is less scary, way to make one feel better.Â
minghao needs social skills training cuz wtf man?
Hansol was well aware of your presence and chose to actively avoid you every time - if you remembered right, there were even instances when he had practically run away from you.
this is sofucking funny, lmao. they have never been in the vicinity of a woman
And consequently, you too naturally babied him and Chan too enjoyed it - the two of you were perfectly content with your dynamic.Â
i would do it too, for lee chan.
Maybe if it was someone else you'd be offended but seeing his childlike face and full cheeks, you were only mildly amused.Â
LMFAO i love how we're dragging soonyoung any chance given.
âI'm more of the âdon't join the crowd, let it follow youâ kinds.â
i see, where you're going with this miss yn
âOkay Mr. Seung-I-am-the-son-of-Hera-and-marriage-is-the-way-of-life-Kwanâ Soonyoung rolled his eyes. âNot every traditional relationship is healthy, and not everything unconventional is toxic.â
"marriage is the way of life kwan"đđ but soonyoung spitting facts here.
âYes, except yours is both unconventional and toxic.â Seungkwan scoffed
lmaoo
Mingyu patted his shoulder, shooting you a wink. âY/n has other plans with me today anyways.âÂ
another fool with no communication skills. im calling my mom if someone says this to me
Looking up, you saw Jihoon staring at you with a small smirk, his expression all knowing.
lmao, i love smug and teasing jihoon
And you wanted to do Cheol.Â
so do all of us.
watching the shirtless man, doing sit ups in the middle of the living room
in the living room? he's just asking to be fucked atp
And there was you who was always desperately wishing for the smallest interaction with him.. What an idiot.Â
... tch, hits home. and choi seungcheol, wth.
You tried not to hyperfixate on the inappropriate labeling of Horang in the off chance that an annoyed Soonyoung threw you back out.
she's way too patient. im just gonna hit his head at this point. poor "horang," being misperceived all the time. #justicefor"horang"
âand you could moan my name, say how good I'm making you feel.âÂ
this guy, *sigh*
âFuck yes Soonyoung, that feels so good-â âYeah, yeah I rememberâŠ..Oh no that was justâŠ. our cow?âŠ..Yes Daisy, she's just having a rough nightâŠ..â
LMAO, my stomach hurts
âLet me clarify. Yes I have used a dildo before-â âOh god.â â- Although my girlfriend isnât the biggest fan of it-â âThis wasnât my question.â â-I do occasionally enjoy it myself.â âI donât think I should be a part of this conversation.â âBut this dildo in particular, has never been used by either of us before.â âThat!â You pointed out. âThatâs all I needed to know.âÂ
im so done with these idiots lmaooo. (and im genuinely intrigued)
âI havenât even gotten to the story behind this.â He giggled. âThis is my fatherâs.â âAaaand Iâm done here.âÂ
đđđ back to zero communication skills lmao
âThis isnât an ordinary dildo Y/n, no. This baby can take on the shape, size, dimensions and every single tiny detailâ He gave a dramatic pause. âOf the person you are imagining while going at it.â
i need the amazon link (asking for a friend ofc)
Lord was Choi Seungcheol thick.
asdfghjkl ????
âNo, no I donât but why do I make you nervous?â Seungcheol smiled softly. âDo you really not know?â You suppressed the grin forming on your own face. Fucking finally. âNo.â You shook your head feigning innocence. âTell me.â âCan I show you?âÂ
AHHHHHHHHHHH, OMG. IT'S HAPPENING, FIN-
âY/n Iâm sorry, I forgot that itâs late and we have training at 4 tomorrow.â He muttered, drawing his hands away. âYou should sleep. I canât excuse your lateness everyday.âÂ
nevermind.
Camp Seventeen: Chapter 1
Pairing - Afab!reader x ot13 (Reader x Seungcheol, Reader x Soonyoung for this Ch)
Word count - 13K
Genre - Greek Demigod AU! Weâve got crack, smut (tags for the chapter are under the cut), fluff , angst, hurt, comfort, all of it in this series, buckle up!
Chapter summary - It's been a week since you stepped foot in Camp Seventeen - as you navigated the days trying to wrap your head around the 13 boys, one's touch and another's voice start to become a bit too bothersome....
A/n - And the series has finally kickstarted! Please read the prologue before this! Big thanks to @okiedokrie and @c-oupsie for helping beta read this, y'all are the sweetest <3
I do have a taglist so comment/DM/send an ask to be added! And if you enjoyed reading, please don't forget to leave feedback in the comments or tags - we've got lots of chapters to go and hearing thoughts really helps <3
Smut warnings - mutual masturbation, fingering, use of a very questionable dildo, is this considered cheating? Idk it's all blur here, jerking off, cum feeding, cum eating and I hope that's all?
âFucking hell.âÂ
You mumbled, waking up the same way you had been for the last one week - startled and nearly jumping off your bed.Â
While most people began their days to the ringing of alarm clocks (or roosters if they preferred the countryside), you regularly woke up to the sound of Seungcheolâs eagle screeching in your ear.Â
Turning your head, you glanced at Zephyr perched on the window before it gave you a short nod of acknowledgement and flew off into the darkness. Yes darkness, because unlike most people, your day also began at 4 fucking am in the morning.Â
Groaning and stretching, you sat up, holding back the large yawn that was threatening to pull you back to sleep. If Zephyr was here to wake you up, that meant you were late yet again and you hated that - you had done too many walks of shame to the training field and were in no mood to be conspicuously stared at by 13 boys as you stumbled over, carrying all your gear.Â
Knowing you didnât have enough time to drop by the washroom, you popped a mint and sprayed some deodorant before quickly grabbing your things and running out into the darkness.Â
The sun was just starting to peek from between the mountains as the House Of Zeus became smaller and smaller behind you. Although you had a long list of concerns living with Seungcheol, an unbeatable advantage was how close his residence was to the training grounds. Still, you could somehow never manage to be punctual. By the time you reached, you were 15 minutes late and Seokmin had already begun the morning drills.Â
âTwo laps around the field newbie.â He muttered as you walked past him, habituated to receiving the same punishment everyday.Â
While you begrudgingly jogged around the perimeter of the grounds, your mind wandered to everything and nothing that happened over the past few days.Â
Life at camp so far had beenâŠ. strange.Â
You would be lying if you said you were already accustomed to life here. You most certainly were not. And forget a week, not even a year could prepare you for what living in the wild was like.Â
To begin with, there was no electricity here. Thatâs right, no lights, no air conditioning, no Internet, nothing.Â
Memberâs began their days at sunrise and ended it as sunset - after all nothing much could be done in the dim illuminance of the fire torches scattered all around the base. So of course for you, who functioned best from 1 to 3am, this archaic way of life was highly inconvenient.Â
The only place that had even a trace of something technologically advanced was the Great Hall - some of the more brainy boys had managed to set up a small circuit for kitchen appliances, laundry machines, a small charging station and that was about it. Rumor was that Wonwoo's residence had its own circuit too, but no one could really confirm that intel - it was as though none of them had ever ventured into the House of Hades.Â
And as though the lack of scientific inventions was not enough, showersâŠ..were communal. Apparently it made more sense that water lines were directed to one common bath house rather than to each individual house. For them it was definitely more convenient to have the baths, jacuzzi and sauna all in one place, but for you that meant waiting everyday after training for the whole lot of them to be done washing up before you could do the same, with some privacy.Â
Oh and speaking of privacy, in the last week you spent here, you had come to realize that in this all-boys-greek-mythology world, it was privacy that was the real myth. Obviously after years of living together the boys were close but sometimes, they were perhaps a tad bit too close - like the time you had walked in on Mingyu and Seokmin boxing in just their underwear or when Soonyoung and Seungkwan sat right next to you, loudly comparing their dick sizes. You usually drew the line at phallic discussions.
The one place on camp that perhaps gave you some alone time and space away from the mess that the boys were, was the library. Considering you had shifted the last year of your University to an online study, you had a shit ton of assignments to complete and that was the only place you were able to get anything done at all. It was like the boys didnât even know the study building existed - no one cared enough to go there so yeah, maybe occasionally, you also allowed yourself to let down your hair, sing in your horribly off pitch voice and dance to beats from your walkman. Outside those four walls it was impossible for you to feel even a little peace and quiet.Â
Surprisingly, not even the temple, which one would think would be a place of sanctity, was spared from the deviant actions of the boys. The altar was less a place of worship and more a place for bargains and exchange deals - it was the only way to connect to the gods, aka, the parents in Olympus.Â
You had come to learn that just like the human world, not all God parents loved their kids the same - some members were regularly showered with gifts and goods, others would not receive so much as a response. You found yourself falling in the second half. Your father never cared for you in the human world and apparently, neither did your mother.Â
Brushing off the thoughts of the woman you had thought was dead for the last 25 years, you wrapped up your punishment and joined the boys for morning exercises, ready to start yet another tiring day.Â
âAll done!âÂ
Joshua gave you a sweet smile as he stepped out of the bath house, rubbing the towel into his wet hair. Thanking him softly, you walked into the showers, stripped out of your clothes and turned on the hot water. The mud that Minghao had you rolling in today as part of combat training washed off as the heat worked to soothe your aching muscles. Lathering shampoo onto your scalp, you finally felt yourself relaxing, letting your favorite citrus smell take over your senses. Outside the bath house, you could hear Seungcheol raising his voice, instructing all the members to head for breakfast, loud footsteps following his words.Â
Choi SeungcheolâŠ.. Living with him so far had been frustrating.Â
When you first stepped into his residence, you told him that youâve always lived alone so it might take you a while to adjust to living with someone and Seungcheol seemed to inwardly decide that giving you space was his life's purpose. After that, whenever you appeared before him, he politely greeted you and walked away. Whenever you stood as much as two feet near him he took a step back, like he didn't want to intrude on your personal space. Whenever you sat in his vicinity, he excused himself stating he'll give you some âme-timeâ.Â
You wish he knew how much you were in fact craving for the exact opposite - You wanted Choi Seungcheol. God you so badly wanted him.Â
It wasn't like you could just make a move on him becauseÂ
1.Hell no you didn't want him or anyone in this camp to realise just how (as Jihoon called it) thirsty you were andÂ
2. Seungcheol wasnât just anybody, he was the leader. Members bowed to him when he walked by, even the companions, specially Patricia who listened to no one, obeyed him - anything and everything on this camp premises held him at the highest regard. You couldn't just walk up to such a man and tell him, âhey, you're hella hot and I'm hella attracted to you, I wish you would ravage me.â????Â
All you could hope was that Seungcheol somehow approached you on his own but that seemed questionable given the clear line he had drawn between the two of you.Â
The one person you wished would actually draw a line was the first one to always cross it - Yoon Jeonghan. You knew he and Seungcheol were the same age and that they were close but you didn't understand just how close they had to be for Athena's son to barge into the leaders residence whenever he wanted? Even at times you were changing your clothes or lying casually on the bed in your night dresses that barely covered anything.Â
The most infuriating part was Jeonghan did not ever apologize - he'd just laugh and walk away and you wanted to do nothing more than throw a shoe at him. For some reason he enjoyed getting on your nerves, he enjoyed making you angry and it wasnât just you - in the last one week, it was evident that Jeonghan was a pain in everyone's ass but somehow they all adored him? You didn't get why they all seemed to love a man who always liked to pull their leg, never leaving any chance to fool them with his wit - you assumed they just preferred to be on his good side so all his harmless fun remained harmless.Â
Even Joshua, who was one of the sweetest people you knew, seemed to have a soft spot for Jeonghan.Â
When you asked him why he said before Jeonghan joined camp, Seungcheol was very uptight and ran the camp like a military barrack - it was the formerâs pranks and carefree attitude that allowed members to be at ease. Though he was talking about Jeonghan, you knew what Joshuaâs words truly reflected were his own good nature. He just seemed like the kind of guy who could do no wrong - like a pure, sweet soul. The days after you first arrived at camp it was Joshua who showed you around, guided you with everything and tried to make you feel at home. No one else really tried to get to know you as a person - they were all more interested about how and why you landed in their camp.Â
It also helped that Joshua was extremely pleasant on the eyes - at times when you didnât want to feel overburdened by thoughts, you loved to sit next to him and watch him work on his little craft for the day or write that new novel of his. Yes he was good looking and yes when he smiled, you felt dazzled, but it was his sweet disposition that made you choose his company over the other members.
On the days he would go off to the city for some work, the next best place you found yourself was on Junâs farm. Not that he was particularly nice to you or anything, Jun wasâŠ. quiet. He seemed to always do his thing, not bothering anyone, only speaking when required. When the evenings rolled around, you liked to take Natalie on a walk to visit the man she had a big fat crush on. Honestly though, who wouldnât have a crush on someone like Jun - though he was the one working in the fields, it was you who was sweating, just watching him.Â
Although you did want to talk to him, try to get to know him a little bit, you chose not to - as someone who enjoyed the peace and quiet, you decided to let at least some member offer you that because guys like Soonyoung sure as hell could not.Â
Soonyoung wasâŠâŠ.. A teenager stuck in a manâs body. Oh yeah he was hot as hell - just the nice build with muscles popping in all the right places. He knew how to dress better than most people on camp too - if you had seen him somewhere else, you would have thought he was one of those cool kids you always saw on campus.Â
But that image of him was destroyed the moment he sat on a Leopard and insisted it was a tiger. Over the last week, that was the predominant discussion between the two of you. That and his incessant flirting. Or rather, attempt to flirt. All he came across was cheesy, kinda humorous and loud. Extremely loud.Â
Wonwoo on the other hand was as silent as the night.Â
Most of the time you didnât even know if and when he was around, it was like he was non-existent. The members too didnât seem to bother much with what he did - you noticed he didnât wash up with the others, often hitting the showers after you were done. He never came for any meals on time, he always stayed back, even after all the members dispersed for the day - he just seemed to function however he liked and no one questioned him. He never questioned you either - Not once did Wonwoo ever attempt to make conversation with you or even meet your eye. It was like he couldnât care less and that wasn't very pleasant for you.Â
Someone who seemed to care a lot though, was Jihoon. Oh Jihoo was quiet too, but somehow he had his eyes on everything. Everything you did, everything you saw, even everything you felt seemed to find its way into Jihoonâs radar - he just knew. It terrified you that he was able to see right through you but the good thing about Jihoon was that he generally kept his mouth shut and wasnât too keen on discussing his observations. Regardless, his presence made you feel extremely conscious and a part of you often tried to not be alone with him, lest he could read your mind or something.Â
As the last of the soap rinsed off you, you turned off the water and grabbed your towel, patting yourself down. Your body was sore and aching all over - Minghao said that was because you were not used to such combat routines and in a few months time you would get used to it but you werenât really sure if you had it in you to tolerate all this for that long.Â
You also still had no idea what exactly these skills were needed for but from the conversations you overheard, it sounded like some sort of competition? That was both unlikely and terrifying cause who really competed with swords and spears anymore but if it was true, then what the actual hell??? Minghao said he didnât want to scare you with the details just yet and would explain everything when the time came. For now, you were to focus on building your core strength and basic self defense, in case the camp is ever attackedâŠ. Yes, cause that is less scary, way to make one feel better.Â
But that was the thing about Minghao - he did not have the habit of sugar coating things. He was honest with his feedback no matter how rude it sounded and though sometimes it did make you feel like shit, he also made sure to push you to do better. You knew if there was anyone you could approach for a real, unbiased opinion, it was him.Â
The same could not be said for Mingyu though - everything that came out of his mouth was saccharine sweet to the point it actually annoyed you. There was no doubt he was a nice guy - he was handsome, goofy, really good with his hands, really really good with his brain but the same didnât extend to his mouth. His style of getting your attention was to ceaselessly seek validation and unfortunately for him, you werenât really someone who was great with words of affirmation. When he was not trying so hard to please though, Mingyu was truly the biggest sweetheart with the fattest, most caring heart you had ever come across - the kind one wanted to wrap in bubble wrap and tuck away safely.Â
Seokmin too fell in the same category - the type who was so precious, it was hard to believe people like him even existed. The only reason you were able to survive these few weeks of training despite coming late was because Seokmin had your back every time Seungcheol wasnât watching - allowing you to take breathers, overlooking the fact that you were doing less sets than you were supposed to, things of that sort. He was always sweet and calm, giving you soft smiles and sweet eye crinkles.Â
With his members though, Seokmin was a whole different person - he was unnaturally loud, extremely energetic and all over the place. The problem was, you didnât know which of the two was the real him. You werenât really sure why but something told you Seokmin wasnât the man he seemed like and a strange curiosity coursed through you every time you interacted with him.Â
Seungkwan on the other hand was the exact opposite, he was exactly what he seemed like - always annoyed, unabashedly honest and unnecessarily snarky. In a way, you understood him - Seungkwan had the habit of taking on many things at once and keeping him unbelievably busy. In university, you too were like this - you took extra modules, signed up for multiple clubs, worked an internship alongside a couple of part time jobs and more. You liked to be occupied, to not allow yourself the room to think about what your life could have been otherwise. Maybe thatâs why you saw yourself in Mr. Busy Boo - always roaming around with that bluetooth in his ear, attending some meeting or the other, frequently heading to the city to get work done - ârestâ was just not a word in his dictionary.
But even amidst all this business and even though his automated response was to snap back at people, he still managed to bond really well with the members despite having joined the camp only a few months before you had. It was like they all needed him to be their constant reality check.Â
The one who you thought required his presence more than anyone was Hansol. A man like him whose entire personality was avoidant needed someone like Seungkwan who would drag him into everything forcibly. Hansol wasnât like Wonwoo, who was unbothered, couldnât care less and pretended like you didnât exist. Hansol was well aware of your presence and chose to actively avoid you every time - if you remembered right, there were even instances when he had practically run away from you. Something was just weird about that guy.Â
Perhaps the most normal of them all was Chan - actually he was just as loud and consistently blabbering much like some of the others but something about him made you feel very fond of him. Sure he was the same age as you but he felt like a child, always babied by his members, always grinning like a cheshire cat. And consequently, you too naturally babied him and Chan too enjoyed it - the two of you were perfectly content with your dynamic.Â
If only you got that same feeling with everyone elseâŠâŠ
As you grabbed your things and stepped out of the bath house fully dressed, Wonwoo was standing outside with a towel slung on his shoulder, scrolling through his phone. Without so much as looking at you, he walked past you, into the shower room, loudly shutting the door behind him.Â
âCan you ever be on time?â Jeonghan sighed, handing you a plate of pancakes as you looked around realizing everyone was nearly done with breakfast. âItâs not my job to wait your table every morning.âÂ
âUntil you lot arrange for me to have my own shower,â You grabbed an apple, taking a bite into it as you sat at the extra long dining table. âIâm afraid this is exactly how late I will be everyday.âÂ
âYou know what they say sweetie,â Soonyoung whisked the apple from your hand, taking a bite of his own. âIf you canât beat the crowd, join the crowd.â
You looked at him exasperatedly, knowing that he was just talking out of his ass. Maybe if it was someone else you'd be offended but seeing his childlike face and full cheeks, you were only mildly amused.Â
âI'm more of the âdon't join the crowd, let it follow youâ kinds.â
âOh I'd follow you anywhere Y/n.â He sighed dreamily as you laughed, taking a bite out of your pancakes that were still too hot.Â
âHow about you start following your own girlfriend instead Kwon?â Minghao walked around the kitchen island shooting Soonyoung an unimpressed look. âRumour is that she was seen outside the Dreamboys Disco and we all know exactly what one goes there for.â
âShe's not my girlfriend anymore.â Soonyoung muttered. âWe broke up.â
âWeren't you just planning an anniversary trip two days ago?â Seokmin looked at him quizzically.Â
âYeah then we argued over a location and she said it was better we broke up for a while.âÂ
âThis is what, your third breakup this month?â
âFifth.â He whispered sadly in a way that made you want to pat his back. âSixth actually, if you count the one that lasted for 3 hours.âÂ
âI'll never understand these on again off again kind of relationships.â Seungkwan clicked his tongue, hurriedly grabbing a banana, balancing all the files in his hand. âThe only thing it screams to me is disrespect.âÂ
âOkay Mr. Seung-I-am-the-son-of-Hera-and-marriage-is-the-way-of-life-Kwanâ Soonyoung rolled his eyes. âNot every traditional relationship is healthy, and not everything unconventional is toxic.â
âYes, except yours is both unconventional and toxic.â Seungkwan scoffed, raising his hand before Soonyoung retaliated. âI canât care enough right now, tiger boy, Iâm already late. We can reschedule your relationship counseling session sometime later.âÂ
âHow about never?â Soonyoung grumbled as Seungkwan rushed off, attending a call on his bluetooth. âWhoâs idea was it for him to join the camp again?âÂ
âMine.â Seungcheol slid onto the seat across you, raising an eyebrow. âIs there a problem?âÂ
âNope.â Soonyoung shook his head fast. âAbsolutely not.â
Smirking just a little, Seungcheol turned to you, sliding a couple pieces of chicken breast off his plate onto yours. âYou need to eat more Y/n, that little wonât last you through the day.âÂ
âSame goes for you..â Jeonghan mumbled, placing a bottle of protein shake near Seungcheol who gave him a grateful smile. From the corner of your eye, you saw Jun increase the portion of chicken to buy on the huge shopping list scribbled on the white board.
If there was anything you absolutely loved about this camp, it was the brotherhood. No matter what each member was like individually, as a team, they loved and cared about each other immensely. You werenât really sure if and when they could extend the same for you but having lived alone nearly all your life, a part of you craved to be one of them, to be cared for like that.Â
âI wonât be able to make it for the meeting tonight.â Wonwoo, as usual, strolled in much later than you and no one, as usual, had any complaints with that. In fact rather uncharacteristically nicely, Jeonghan handed him breakfast, shooting him a worried look.
âWhy, whatâs wrong?âÂ
âI need to drop by the headquarters today.â He sighed, sitting a couple of seats away from you. âThereâs an important official coming and apparently my presence is needed.âÂ
âWill you be back by nightfall?â Seungcheol asked, looking concerned. You knew why he was worried - if Wonwoo wasnât there on camp grounds at night that meant all the members had to take their places on the perimeter to guard overnight. Sleep was not an option that night.Â
âYeah,â Wonwoo replied, not looking up. âI will just have to miss out on the meeting for the lawsuit.âÂ
Right that meeting. The one you, Jeonghan and Wonwoo, had been trying to have for days now to sort out the biggest mess of your life.Â
âShouldnât be a problem, Nonu.â Mingyu patted his shoulder, shooting you a wink. âY/n has other plans with me today anyways.âÂ
You frowned confused as Mingyu clarified. âYou were going to finalise your house plan so I could start construction, remember?âÂ
Oh yeah, you had that too.Â
âAwesome, then I can go to the city today.â Jeonghan clapped cheerily, taking his apron off.Â
âYou donât work today thoughâŠ..â Jun muttered, looking at the shortage in the lunch boxes he had packed.Â
âDonât worry about food, I got some friends to meet over lunch.â The older man shot him a two-fingered salute before jogging out of the dining hall, earning Seungcheolâs tired sigh.Â
âI can never keep up with him-âÂ
âCab leaves in five!â Chan shouted, poking his head through the window.Â
The members around immediately stuffed the last of their breakfast, grabbing their things hurriedly, rushing out to get the front seat in Chanâs car. Afterall, the ones behind had to squeeze to fit themselves in and the one hour bumpy ride to the city was not fun. From their collective groans though you could tell Jeonghan had called shotgun - the asshole was lucky as usual.Â
Seungcheol downed the last of his breakfast with a fond laugh before turning to you.Â
âHave a nice day Y/n, Iâll see you later.âÂ
You tried not to smile back at him too widely as your eyes followed him leaving the premises. When you turned back to your meal, you could feel a set of eyes keenly looking at you. Looking up, you saw Jihoon staring at you with a small smirk, his expression all knowing. Gulping, you excused yourself from there.Â
You stared at the blueprint before you, humming skeptically.Â
âAre you still not happy with the design?â Mingyu sighed, crossing his arms.Â
âI donât know.â You drawled. âSomething about it feelsâŠ.off.âÂ
âSomething about your own design that you made for your own house feels off?âÂ
âGyu.â Joshua chastised, standing up from the couch and walking over to you. âArtists second guess their work all the time, have some patience.âÂ
âI am patient.â The bigger man pointed. âBut sheâs unbelievably indecisive.âÂ
âI know, Iâm sorry.â You looked up at Mingyu guiltily. âItâs just, Iâm wondering if having a bathroom in my residence is a good idea or if I should just have another small one built by the bath house? I mean think about it - my residence is so far from the training grounds and the dining hall, if I had to walk all this distance everyday, Iâm only going to be more late-âÂ
âI get it.â Mingyu patted your back. âI get your concerns but the sooner we finalize this, the sooner I can get to building it and the sooner you can get out of Seungcheolâs house and into your own space.âÂ
Ahhh.Â
Right.Â
A part of you was thankful that Jihoon wasnât a part of this discussion otherwise he wouldâve seen right through your subtle attempts to delay this process. You didnât want to be an inconvenience on purpose butâŠ.. You were just a girl and you wanted to get to know Cheol a little better. It didnât help that he was barely ever at home, leaving at the crack of dawn for training and only returning very late at night, after he finished attending night school doing that stupid astronomy degree of his. The only time you ever got with him was on Sunday because members did not train on Sundays - everyone was free to do whatever they wanted. And you wanted to do Cheol.Â
So far you only had the chance to spend one weekend alone with him and maybe just maybe if you pushed your house construction a little youâd have the chance for another weekend or two. Then perhaps, youâd be able to take this unresolved, unnecessary tension with him somewhere.Â
âHow about you take a few days and work on your plan again Y/n?â Joshua rolled up the large paper carefully, handing it to you. âWhenever youâre ready let me and Mingyu know - weâll try and figure out the materials, budget, feasibility and all that.âÂ
âItâs times like this I miss Jeonghanâs brain.â Mingyu clicked his tongue, disappointed. âWhere did he say he was off to again?âÂ
âWhen does he ever tell us?â Joshua mumbled. âHe should be back by nightfall though. Jun said he needed help with the fertilizer composition and Han told him he would help.âÂ
âWow, heâs capable of being useful.â You rolled your eyes, stashing the blueprint into your bag. Mingyu and Joshua laughed, amused.
âJeonghan is always useful..âÂ
âWe still havenât managed to figure out a thing about my lawsuit and my hearing is in a few weeks-âÂ
âHan and Wonwoo will sort it out Y/n, donât worry.â Joshua rubbed your arm comfortingly. âTheyâre the best one can ask for.âÂ
âYeah except I canât seem to ask Jeonghan for anything cause heâs a little bitch or ask Wonwoo anything because for that he would need to realise that I exist and I donât think he does.âÂ
âWonwoo hyung isâŠ.â Mingyu trailed off. âHeâs a little hard to understand. Just give him some time. Once you figure him out, youâll know why heâs like this.â
Exasperated, you shook your head and walked away. Time was the one thing you never seemed to have.Â
Like always, as the sun began setting you glanced out of the window of the library catching sight of the varied hues in the sky. On the camp ground you could see Mingyu riding his big mechanical bull, lighting up the fire torches around for the night. Pulling out the lighter from your bag, you stared at the candles stacked in the middle of the table.Â
Sighing you cast the lighter aside and snapped your fingers, watching the flames come to life in your hand, dancing across your palm. Stretching your fingers, and moving your hand around, you watched the orange yellow light just glide across your skin like it was a pretty accessory and not literal fire that should have obliterated your hand by now.Â
Fire never did burn you - how could it when a mere thought could make it come alive in your hands. You first discovered this when you were 16 and accidentally dunking your hand in a pot full of boiling water did not leave so much as a scar. Even though you were unscathed you roamed around for a few days with a fully bandaged hand - the world would have thought you were some sort of freak otherwise. Over the years you tried to play with fire in many ways, just to test your limits, just to see how far you could go and each time, much to your own dismay, the limit didnât exist. Each time proved just how much you didnât fit in the world, just how much you deserved to be alone because you really were a freak.Â
But that was until a few weeks ago.Â
Until you discovered it wasnât the inability to burn that was the true madness - it was your ability to create fire itself.Â
From there things spiraled. You learnt you werenât the anomaly but a part of a rather large group of such circus acts - a world completely hidden from your own. In a cascade of events you were thrown into camp seventeen out of no will of your own and now, this was your life, this was your world.Â
Holding your flaming hand over your redrawn sketches you glanced at them. Thanks to the two boys yet again canceling the meeting with you, you found yourself working in the library earlier than usual, exhausted by the time the sun set. As you debated between working a little more or heading back, the door opening with a slow creak made the decision for you - if it was windy outside, it was most likely going to rain and you didnât want to stay long enough to get drenched. Quickly dousing the flame and blowing out the candles, you grabbed all your things and saw your way out.Â
In the darkness, the camp was quiet as usual. You figured most of the members mustâve retired to their residences for the night and when you reached the House of Zeus, surprisingly, so had Seungcheol.Â
âY-youâre home.â You stuttered, watching the shirtless man, doing sit ups in the middle of the living room in the dim golden light of the paraffin lamps.Â
Evidently Seungcheol hadnât expected your presence so soon either because at the sound of your voice, he got up with a jerk, pulling a muscle in his abdomen.Â
âCheol oh my god-âÂ
âYouâre early.â He got up wincing, holding the side of his trunk. âIâm sorry I should have been doing this in my room-âÂ
âI mean, the whole house is yours-âÂ
âThereâs a heavy rain forecast today, not really much astronomy I can do-âÂ
âYeah I came back because of the rain too-âÂ
âYeah me tooâŠ.â Seungcheol trailed off realising how silly he sounded.Â
Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he attempted to put it on, groaning miserably at the pain shooting up his abdomen. Watching him struggle, you quickly dropped your things and tried to reach for him to help out, but just as your finger barely grazed over his skin, he stumbled back like he was electrocuted, pushing your hand away.Â
âDonât touch me.âÂ
âCheolâŠ. â You frowned, confused. âI was just trying to help-âÂ
 âSeungcheol.â He corrected. âAnd I donât need your help Y/n. Please justâŠ. stay away from me.âÂ
You blinked at a complete loss of words at his unwarranted behaviour. Unsure about how you felt, you grabbed your bag from the floor, turned on your heel and walked out silently, the same way you came in.Â
As usual, bad luck had followed you on your way out.Â
Not only was your life miserable, the weather too decided to be a pain in your ass and it started drizzling the moment you stepped out of Seungcheolâs house.Â
Even though the water was cold and you were shivering, you took off in the rain. You needed to get as far away from here as you could.Â
You were such a fool. You should have known that Seungcheol wasnât being nice or giving you your space, on the contrary he was keeping his distance, putting you at an armïżœïżœïżœs length. It was evident today - not only was he uninterested, but somehow it seemed like your very presence was disturbing him in some way.Â
And there was you who was always desperately wishing for the smallest interaction with him.. What an idiot.Â
Hugging yourself, you walked further down the cobbled path. Tomorrow you were going to finalise your house plan with Mingyu and get out of Cheolâs house as soon as possible. But as much as you wanted to avoid him and pull yourself away, a part of you was still aching at the loss of something that you believed had a lot of potential. Why did it have to be him of all people? Why couldnât it have been someone like Mingyu - he was hot as hell and unlike his leader, he actively showed interest in you all the time.Â
As you raised your head, Mingyuâs house loomed before you and your feet, as if they had a brain of their own, took you towards his mini mansion of a residence. That was until you saw Jihoon stepping out of the same place and instinctively took a swift u-turn.Â
The last person who could see you right now was Jihoon - that man would read you like an open book and know exactly how fucking embarrased you were. Hoping to god he didnât spot you, you quickly ran, entering the nearest gate for temporary refuge, till you got out of his sight.Â
But in hindsight, perhaps falling in Jihoonâs line of vision was better than the situation you had landed yourself inâŠ.. You werenât really sure whoâs house you had trespassed until the low growling expressed just how much his companion disliked it.Â
Horang.Â
Realising you had quite literally thrown yourself into the den of a wild cat, you froze, praying that it didnât notice you and you could slip out as easily as you slipped in. But before you could do anything, a hand grabbed you quickly, leading you into the neighbouring cottage, shutting the door behind you.Â
âAre you insane?â Soonyoung looked at you confused, shaking the water off his hair. âWhy would you enter Horangâs enclosure unless you wanted to be ripped apart.âÂ
âI didnât knowâŠ.â You rubbed your arms, generating heat. âI was justâŠ.trying to escape the rain.âÂ
âYou should have knocked on my door then..â He muttered, disappearing for a split second, returning with a towel in his hand. âHorang isnât used to you yet so please donât venture near my tiger in my absence - he only listens to me.âÂ
You tried not to hyperfixate on the inappropriate labeling of Horang in the off chance that an annoyed Soonyoung threw you back out. Instead, you accepted his towel, patting yourself dry, still shivering a little. With his hands on your shoulder, Soonyoung led you to the fireplace, guiding you to sit on the couch across. As you did, you glanced around his residence.
This was the first time you were in Soonyoungâs place and in all honesty, it looked much like that designated room in college dorms where all the parties happened - he had party lights everywhere, streamers hanging from the ceiling and techno music softly playing over the speakers.Â
When you turned back to him, Soonyoung held out a christmas mug, with a grin. âMulled wine.â
âI canât.â You shook your head although in the headspace you were in, you could really use some alcohol. âI wonât be able to wake up on time tomorrow.âÂ
âItâs not like youâll be on time even if you were sober.â He chuckled, immediately regretting his words as you narrowed your eyes at him. âYouâre in the House of Dionysus. This is literally the only hot drink I have to offer.âÂ
Sighing you took it from him, desperate to have something warm coursing through your body after all that coldness you experienced earlier.Â
âSo, why are you out and about in the rain?â Soonyoung sank into the couch beside you, sipping a drink of his own.Â
âIâŠ.just needed to be away from that house for a while.â You mumbled, taking a sip.Â
âWhy? Has Seungcheol gotten overbearing already?âÂ
âItâs not himâŠ.âÂ
âItâs always him.â Soonyoung sighed. âBut itâs not his fault. He just has a lot of pressure on him to be perfect as a leader, you know? That sort of thing gets to you.âÂ
âI know. Itâs justâŠ.. â You sighed, not knowing how to explain things to him. âForget it, I donât want to talk about it.âÂ
âNo, tell me.â He whined making you turn to him, finally noticing he was fully dressed from head to toe like he was about to march right into a party.Â
âAre you going somewhere?âÂ
âWork?â Soonyoung stated like it was obvious. âDonât tell me you forgot what I do.âÂ
You looked at him sheepishly. âIâve been here for just a week Kwon and thereâs thirteen of you so Iâm sorry if itâs taking me some time.âÂ
âForgiven.â He nodded amused. âI own the Midnight club in the city centre.âÂ
âRight, that big Demigod rave place.âÂ
âNo, the Midnight club is for humans. Thereâs another club hidden behind it, After Hours - Thatâs for Demigods exclusively.âÂ
You let out an oh of realization as Soonyoung continued.Â
âBusiness usually runs fine on its own but I try to drop by from time to time to just remind everyone who the boss is.âÂ
âI heard thereâs a life size portrait of you behind the DJ booth to do the same.âÂ
âObituaries are portraits too.â He rolled his eyes. âI need to let them know I am alive, kicking and always in charge.âÂ
You shook your head laughing. âWell then arenât you getting late? You should probably leave by now-âÂ
âI donât think Iâm going.â He mumbled, downing his drink in one shot, red slowly creeping on his face. âNot in the mood.âÂ
Glancing at him silently, you just blinked at him. You knew guys like Soonyoung could not keep a thing in them - he would share whatever was bothering him without you even asking in three, two, on-
âThe intel is that my ex is going to be there tonight.âÂ
âAhh.â You crossed your feet on his couch, settling in. âAnd you donât want to see her?âÂ
âI donât want to see her with other men.â He gripped his mug tight. âWith the news out that sheâs single, guys will be falling all over her and I know sheâs going to play along just to make me jealous.âÂ
âWell two can play that game right? You can do the same?âÂ
âWhat makes you think there are girls fawning all over me?âÂ
âDo you just want to hear me say youâre hot and that you could pull if you wanted to?â You cocked your head at him. âCause I can. I have a little wine in me so I can use it as an excuse.âÂ
Soonyoung laughed, throwing his head back. âNo I know Iâm hot, but do you know who she is?âÂ
You shook your head, drinking up more.Â
âAphroditeâs daughter, the femme fatales of the demigod world - boys want her and girls donât want to mess with her. No one is going to so much as look at her ex, forget trying to hit on me.âÂ
âHuh.â You pondered, the cogwheels in your brain turning. âWell technically, no one in the human world knows her so Iâm sure one of them will-âÂ
âThereâs no point of that. She knows I wonât go for a human.âÂ
âWhy is that?âÂ
Soonyoung stared back at you a little hard before a small smirk formed on his face. âY/n, are you a virgin?âÂ
You blinked, breaking out into a laugh. âI sure am drunk cause I seem to have missed why this intrusive question is relevant now?âÂ
Taking your empty mug from you, Soonyoung filled it up again from the pot. âWhat I mean is, demigods donât sleep with humans sweetie.âÂ
âWhy not?âÂ
âBecause weâre half gods, do you think humans can really satisfy us?â Soonyoung raised his eyebrows. âMortals canât keep up with our sex drive.âÂ
As you looked confused, the smirk returned back to Soonyoungâ face. âWhich is why I asked. If you havenât realised that a mortal man canât pleasure you, then either youâve never had sexâŠâŠ. or youâve never had an orgasm.âÂ
âI donât have to answer that.âÂ
âCome on, humor me.âÂ
âMaybe Iâm starting to get why your girlfriend dumped your annoying ass.âÂ
Soonyoung pouted, feigning hurt as you rolled your eyes.Â
âSo now if you want to get her back, you wonât be hit on by another demigod and you canât be hit on by a human which means your only chance of making her jealous is withâŠâŠâ You looked at him intently. âKwon Soonyoung, why are your eyes glimmering with mischief?âÂ
âYou.â He took the cup from your hands and set it on the table, much to your dismay. âYouâre the only one who she doesnât know about and the only one who doesnât know herâŠ..âÂ
âSo?âÂ
âOh youâd be the perfect bait.â Soonyoung clapped his hands. âOne look at you next to me and sheâs going to be quaking in her boots.âÂ
âIf you think Iâm about to stroll into a nightclub and pretend to hit on you to make your ex girlfriend jealous youâre sorely mistaken.âÂ
âWhy?â He whined. âWhy canât you do me a small favour. I saved you from Horong-âÂ
âNumber one. If you didnât pull me into your house, I would have ran out of the gate and been safe anyways-âÂ
âSure.âÂ
âNumber two, I donât know what the hell is in this wine. Normally it takes a whole bottle to knock me down but two glasses in and Iâm already buzzed-âÂ
âItâs a special blend.âÂ
âAnd number three, unfortunately for you, women are really observative creatures. One look at me next to you and sheâs going to know thereâs absolutely nothing going on between us.âÂ
Soonyoung opened and closed his mouth like he was thinking about what to say. âIt wonât work out Kwon.âÂ
âThis always happens.â He sighed. âShe breaks it off with me for any small thing, goes on to have her fun, pushes me till I have to beg for her forgiveness and then she accepts it whenever she feels like. Everything is always whenever she feels like it. We havenât even had sex in like two years-âÂ
âOkay.â You cut him off before he went into details you didnât need to know. âIf youâre so aware of what sheâs doing, why do you always give in to her? Do you really like her or⊠is she just a habit?âÂ
âI donât know.â Soonyoung stared at the floor, lost in thought. âI just know that weâve been together since we were 18. And I canât throw that away.âÂ
âI never knew you were such a romantic Kwon.âÂ
He laughed, sinking further into the couch.Â
âYou really want her back huh?âÂ
âI do.âÂ
âAnd this time do you want her to make the effort?âÂ
âA man can hope.âÂ
âWell then.â You turned to him. âPoint number three was relevant only if she saw meâŠdo you have your phone?âÂ
Soonyoung nodded, patting his many pockets and finally finding it, holding it out.Â
âYou're going to call and tell her you're hitting on me?â
âNoâŠ. If you give her a missed call will she call back?â
âNot immediately.â He sighed. âShe'll take her time to pretend like she didn't see and then get back to me-âÂ
âDo it.â He continued to look at you confused. âCall her and cut the call.âÂ
He followed through but the frown didn't leave him the whole time. âY/n what exactly are you doing?âÂ
âThis may be a bit diabolical but it should do the trick.â You took a deep breath glancing at Soonyoung. âWhen she calls you back, she's going to hear us having sex.â
âW-what?âÂ
âBefore you get any ideas, I'm not going to have sex with you Soonyoung, we're just going to make her think that we are.â
âHow exactly will we do that?â
âWe'll fake it.â You shrugged. âMake a couple of wet skin smacking sounds-âÂ
âand you could moan my name, say how good I'm making you feel.âÂ
âDidnât you get onboard this real fast.â You narrowed your eyes at him. âI'm going to make it really clear once again that this is for her not-âÂ
Ring!Â
At the sound of the ringtone both of you glanced at his phone and in a split second, Soonyoung picked up the call, holding it against his ear. Thankful that you got the opportunity to execute your idea so soon and determined to put up the show you promised, you immediately got to it, clearing your throat.
âFuck yes Soonyoung, that feels so good-âÂ
With widened eyes and a swift movement, Soonyoung shut your mouth with his hand, shaking his head.Â
âYeah, yeah I rememberâŠ..Oh no that was justâŠ. our cow?âŠ..Yes Daisy, she's just having a rough nightâŠ.. Anyways thanks for the reminder Hyungwon.â
You stared at him mortified, all the wine threatening to exit your system.Â
âYeah sure, see you tomorrow bro.â
Soonyoung brought down both the phone and his hand at the same time.Â
âOh god Iâm so sorry, I thought it was-âÂ
âThatâs your idea of having sex??â He looked at you shocked. âThank god it wasnât Mina because there was no way in hell she would have believed that?âÂ
âHey, I had no preparation time, you try faking it off the bat.â You mumbled. âBesides, it wasnât so bad.âÂ
âWasnât so bad?â Soonyoung looked scandalised. âDo you even know what you sounded like? Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels good-âÂ
You leaned back inching away from him.Â
âWhat theâŠ..what was that?âÂ
âThat's what you said.âÂ
âI know butâ You frowned unsure if you heard right or if you were starting to get too drunk. âYou sounded exactly like me. Like your voice, itâŠ.it was mine.âÂ
âOh.â Soonyoung scratched the back of his head. âYeah well um being the son of the God of Theater comes with its own skill set. Imitation helps confuse opponents during war - it has actually saved us in quests many times.â
âYou can imitate anyone?â
Soonyoung nodded.
âAny sound they make?â
He nodded again as you let out a low whistle.Â
âWell that's brilliant, then you don't even need me. You can make your girlfriend jealous by simply impersonating me.âÂ
âThe keyword is imitate. I can only repeat sounds I hear, I can't just make them up.â He shifted in his seat. âSo if I should impersonate you, I need to hear what you actually sound like during sex.âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âDon't push your luck Kwon.â
âI'm kidding.â He laughed leaning back into the couch, his eyes fluttering shut. âBut you really have to work on the faking.âÂ
âYeah I've been told.â You muttered as Soonyoung sat up again.
âAha, so you have never had an orgasm!âÂ
âBecause of a man, no I've not.â You confessed. âBut bold of you to assume that I'm not perfectly capable of my own.â
Soonyoung looked confused.Â
âEver heard of masturbation, genius?âÂ
Soonyoung's mouth formed an O of realisation. âWell I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years so I've never had to take care of myself.â
âDon't rub it on my face Kwon.â You scoffed but regretted immediately knowing some dirty joke was going to come out of the man. So shutting his mouth with your hand, you held a finger to your lips. âNot a word. You're going to shut up till your girlfriend calls back.â
âThat could be a very very long time.â He mumbled against your hand making you press it harder against his mouth with a shush.Â
5 minutes later you were on your fourth mug of wine and Mina still hadn't called.Â
10 minutes later, you were nearly falling asleep and Soonyoung was already snoring away beside you.Â
15 minutes later the sound of the rain began to get softer outside.Â
And 20 minutes later was when you finally lost your patience, shaking Soonyoung awake.Â
âItâs getting late, I should goâŠ.âÂ
Soonyoung looked up at you sleepily as you got off the couch, standing up.Â
âYou should.âŠ.. Iâm sorry, I shouldn't have roped you into thisâ He glanced at the blank screen on his phone. âClearly Mina is either too busy having fun on her own or she doesnât care.âÂ
You smiled at him sadly, as he pulled his feet up, snuggling into the couch.Â
âI'm so sorry.â You whispered. âGoodnight Kwon.âÂ
âGoodnight sweetie.â
Setting the mug down, you grabbed your bag and opened his front door, relieved that the rain seemed to have stopped. But something was also stopping you from stepping out.Â
Giving it a thought and sighing, you turned around, looking at the half asleep man again.Â
âYou said you could imitate me right?âÂ
Soonyoung's eyes slowly fluttered open. Â
âSo if you listen to how I actually sound, if and when she calls back, you can execute the plan on your own right?â
Soonyoung looked at you in a mix of confusion, drunkenness and sleepiness.
âAre you saying thatâŠâ
âNo, I'm not going to sleep with you Kwon Soonyoung.â
âBut you're horrible at faking.âÂ
âYet again I'm going to remind you about masturbation.âÂ
You sighed, looking at his eternally lost expression. Grabbing his hand, you pulled him off the couch, leading him to his room.Â
Soonyoung's room was just how you expected it to be - a mess. There were things scattered everywhere, all kinds of band posters up on the wall, snack wrappers all over the floor.Â
He quickly kicked the trash under his bed and looked at you pleadingly. âYou cannot tell Mingyu how messy my room is. And you most definitely cannot tell Seungcheol I'm snacking - he does not understand post break up slump.â
You gritted your teeth annoyed to be reminded of him again. Of course he didn't understand anything remotely related to feelings.
âDon't worry, no one's gonna know anything because you too are going to keep your mouth shut about whatever happens tonight.âÂ
âI still don't know what's happening tonight.â He mumbled as you walked around his room, glancing at everything.Â
âI'm going to get myself off and you're going to listen and take notes.â Soonyoung's eyes finally widened in realisation.âDo you have a towel?âÂ
He nodded, quickly going through the stack of clothes piled on the chair across his bed and pulled out a long white one. Taking it from him you laid it down on his bed, the two of you staring at it mindlessly.Â
âCould you also close the curtains?â You fidgeted with your fingers, putting your bag down at the foot of his bed as Soonyoung nodded. âAlso dim the lights please.â
Following through your requests he tried not to look at you as you stripped out of your jacket and threw it on the bed. But when you unclasped your bra and pulled it out from under your shirt, Soonyoung was quite literally gawking.Â
âIâm hot.â You mumbled as he walked back, standing much closer to you than he was before.Â
âYeah you areâŠ. I mean,â He cleared his throat when you raised an eyebrow at him. âYeah it's a little hot in here.âÂ
Both of you tried to ignore the sound of cold raining softly falling against the window.Â
âOn second thoughts,â You took a step back. âI donât know if I can do this.âÂ
âW-why not?âÂ
âIf you havenât noticed I am buzzed as hell and Iâm not sure I can doâŠ. a great job on myself right now.âÂ
Lips slowly curling into a smile, Soonyoung cocked his head. âI can help.âÂ
âYes and I can finally use all that combat training and kick your ass. Soonyoung I am not sleeping with-âÂ
âWhat? No, no I meanâŠ.. just wait here.âÂ
Your eyes followed him as he jogged out of his room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You must be crazy to suggest this. Sure there was alcohol in your system and sure you were trying to get your mind off Seungcheol, avoiding going back to his house but thisâŠ..
âHere you go.âÂ
Soonyoung strolled back in with what you could only describe as a wooden looking, very phallic instrument.Â
âThatâsâŠâÂ
He nodded. âA dildo.âÂ
âI have so many questions.âÂ
âLet me clarify. Yes I have used a dildo before-âÂ
âOh god.âÂ
â- Although my girlfriend isnât the biggest fan of it-âÂ
âThis wasnât my question.âÂ
â-I do occasionally enjoy it myself.âÂ
âI donât think I should be a part of this conversation.âÂ
âBut this dildo in particular, has never been used by either of us before.âÂ
âThat!â You pointed out. âThatâs all I needed to know.âÂ
Soonyoung held it out to you, looking at you expectantly. You gulped.Â
âYou know, I donât think I can do this. Iâm actually more of a vibrator girl myself.âÂ
âNow whoâs indulging in the TMI?âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âMy point is, I donât need this, I can just do it myself-âÂ
âI havenât even gotten to the story behind this.â He giggled. âThis is my fatherâs.âÂ
âAaaand Iâm done here.âÂ
âNo what I mean is-â He shuffled closer to you like he was revealing a big secret. âMy father may be the god of wine and ecstasy and madness and theatre and so many things but he is alsoâŠ. the creator of the dildo.â You stared at him vacantly. What?? âI donât think you wanna know the story behind it, itâs disturbing as fuck-âÂ
âMore disturbing than everything so far?âÂ
â-but basically, a few years back, my father was temporarily exiled from Olympus and while he was in the human world, he had, what he calls, a magnificent business ideaâŠ.sex toys. Dildoâs in particular. Thatâs when he made this.â He held it up and you wished he did it a little less proudly. âThis isnât an ordinary dildo Y/n, no. This baby can take on the shape, size, dimensions and every single tiny detailâ He gave a dramatic pause. âOf the person you are imagining while going at it.â
âW-what?â You blinked at him stumped. âYou mean to say itâŠ. morphs into a replica of someoneâs actual dick?âÂ
Soonyoung nodded fast. âThis piece is a prototype that Dionysus made but when he brought the idea to Zeus it was shut down immediately because Gods arenât supposed to interfere with human business and all that hoo ha, so he left it with me before he returned home.â With a small smile dancing on his lips, he held it out to you. âSo if you want, it's all yours.âÂ
You stared at it.Â
A magic dildo that could take the shape of any dick you wanted?Â
You would have to be insane to say no to that.Â
Pretending to hesitate just so you didnât come across completely deranged, you slowly took the toy off Soonyoungâs hand, feeling the weight of it in your own. As you tried to picture how exactly this night might go, Soonyoung took a few steps back, grabbed a fistful of the material behind his neck and pulled his shirt over his head.Â
âWhat?â He smirked as your eyes ran down his chiseled body, mouth moving but no words leaving it. âDidnât you say it was hot?âÂ
As Soonyoung moved all the clothes stacked on the chair to the floor and sat down, you watched as the minor oversights in your plan came into play. If he had to take notes, Â then Kwon Soonyoung was going to watch you.Â
Tongue in the cheek, you glanced around the room, thanking all the gods in Olympus when you spotted a lacy blindfold hanging on the headboard. Without questioning its existence in his room, you quickly grabbed it and threw it at him.
âThe deal was for audio Kwon, no visuals.âÂ
In complete contrast to his hot as fuck appearance he pouted like a child as you shook your head and looked at the blindfold pointedly. Sighing, he reached for it and put it over his eyes, tying it behind his hand. Not trusting him entirely, you walked up to him, slotting yourself between his legs and pulled the knot. Soonyoungâs hands gripped your thighs in both surprise and pain.Â
âSorry.â He mumbled, fingers softly grazing your legs as he pulled his hands away. âI promise, I canât see a thing.âÂ
You nodded, then realised he said he couldnât see and cleared your throat. âYeah, okay.âÂ
âOkay.â He breathed, leaning back, waiting expectantly.Â
Taking a few seconds, you let out a deep determined breath, preparing yourself for what was coming. As you unbuttoned your jeans, shimmying both your shorts and underwear down your legs, your eyes finally took a good look at the man of the hour, Kwon Soonyoung. Yeah he was one of the members who often trained shirtless which meant you had seen this display many times before but this was perhaps the first time you were actually paying attention to it. Before this, you hadnât quite realised just how beautifully tanned and toned he was or how much that undercut suited him or how hot he looked biting his lower lip.Â
Kicking your garments away, you pried your eyes, reminding yourself that this man was taken. Or at least would be taken again pretty soon. You shouldnât do this. You shouldnât be looking at him, you shouldnât be thinking about him and he sure as fuck cannot be the inspiration for your new magic sex toy.Â
That unfortunately meant that there was only one other person in your mind who could be the muse - Choi Seungcheol. Despite his dismissal earlier and despite being someone who held herself as a very high level of self respect, it was evident that your body shamelessly still craved him - he was the only one running in your mind. Trying to block him out, you arranged the pillows on Soonyoungâs bed against the headboard, adjusted the towel and slowly climbed on. In all the time that you took leaning against it, spreading your legs and settling in, Soonyoung remained incredibly quiet. Patient.Â
Although he couldnât see you, watching him felt weird, given the man and the dick on your mind were not him. Sighing, you glanced at the object you were gripping - it had already taken shape of what you desired and the sight of it made you gulp.Â
Lord was Choi Seungcheol thick.
Given his beefy exterior and broad build you had always assumed he was packed between his legs but this was nowhere near what you were imagining, not even close. Earlier, you were worried how you would get yourself off when you werenât even wet enough but now you were practically dripping with the thought of that inside you. Still, you didnât think it could fit, not without any prep.Â
Slipping two fingers in your mouth you wet them messily before guiding them to your folds, smearing the spit with your very evident arousal. When you let out a soft sigh, Soonyoung shifted in his seat like he was alert and when your fingers teased your hole, slowly slipping in, an unintentional moan left you too, making him practically grip the armrests of his couch tight.Â
âI'm going to need more than that Y/n.â He whispered. âWhat are you doing right now?âÂ
âIâm prepping myself, itâsâŠâ You gulped. âItâs too big.âÂ
âDo you need lube?â He frowned. âAlthough I donât know where it isâŠ.or if I even have any-âÂ
âThatâs okay.â You shook your head. âI think Iâm wet enough. Almost.âÂ
âDo you need any help?âÂ
You glanced at his tense body. âHow can you help?âÂ
âAre you the kind that listens to instructions?â
âOccasionally.âÂ
âThen push your fingers further.â He exhaled. âCurl them up.âÂ
Although that was what was on your mind anyways, you obeyed. As your fingers brushed that spot, a soft fuck escaped your lips.Â
âFeel good?âÂ
âYeah.â You nodded. âYeah thatâs good.â
âThen move.â He cocked his head. âSlowly at first, then pick up speed.âÂ
Even before he finished his sentence you had followed through, fingers pumping faster, head falling back as the grip around the dildo in your hand tightened.Â
âAdd another finger.âÂ
âThis feels good enough.âÂ
âThis will feel better.â He urged. âStretch yourself a little and add another finger.âÂ
Scissoring yourself open, you held back the moan that was threatening to tumble out, terrified Soonyoung would hear you. Belatedly you realised - Soonyoung was supposed to hear you.Â
âFuck that does feel better.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âAre you ready for more?âÂ
â.......I think so.âÂ
âThen wet the dildo.â He shifted. âPut it in your mouth.âÂ
Hesitating just a bit you brought it up to your eye level, still taken aback by its sheer girth. In the dim light of the lamp on the nightstand you can see a stark vein running along his length, the sight of it nearly making your mouth water. Oh you wanted him to fill your mouth, you wanted him to fill you just about anywhere so bad but it was clear from earlier that Seungcheol didnât want the same. So you were just going to take this chance and fuck him out of your brain. After tonight you were not going to think of Choi Seungcheol anymore.Â
Determined, you wrapped your mouth around the tip, humming against the weight on your tongue before pulling it out with a wet pop. As Soonyoungâs breath hitched, you sunk your mouth down on it again, taking it further in, not far enough to let it hit the back of your throat, but enough to just slightly choke around it, drool running down the corner of your mouth.Â
âY/n,â Soonyoungâs voice sounded almost choked too. âPleaseâŠ.âÂ
Youâve never had a man beg for you like this before and it wasnât enough to touch him but to touch yourself? Something in you swelled in pride, but something was also terrified about what things would be like once this was over - could you and Soonyoung really be the same again? And if things were going to change, how would they be?Â
âSweetie, you have to do somethingâŠ.âÂ
Knowing you needed something in you more than he did, you drove the thoughts away before aligning the tip at your dripping hole and slowly pushing Seungcheolâs girth in.Â
âHoly shit..â You sighed as you thrusted his length further, the stretch serving a sting that slowly ebbed from pain to pleasure.Â
âIs it all the way in?â Soonyoung groaned as you shook your head gulping.
âItâs notâŠâ You panted, glancing down to see barely any length disappearing in you yet you were so full. âI canât.â
âYou can.â He licked his drying lips. âYou can Y/n, come on - fuck yourself like you want to be fucked.âÂ
Yes you knew Soonyoung had a horrible habit of pointless flirting but you did not think his mouth was capable of spewing such filth too.Â
âTell me how you like it.âÂ
âDeep.â You whimpered, answering him as you shoved it in more, feeling it hit all the right places. âI like it deep.âÂ
âAnd fast?âÂ
âAnd fast.âÂ
âThen move.âÂ
And you did, pulling it out, pistoning it into you, sharp intakes of breath and curse words leaving you as you did. You felt your eyes roll back, threatening to shut but when they landed on Soonyoung they widened - he had slid down his chair, manspread now a lot wider and stark against his pants was the imprint of his uncomfortably trapped boner.
âSoonyoungâŠ.â You accidentally moaned, simply trying to get his attention. âAre you⊠hard?âÂ
âUnbearably.â He confessed immediately. âIâm s-sorry, itâs been a while-âÂ
âDo you want to touch yourself?â
You donât know why exactly you asked him that but you wanted him to feel good too. Just as good as faux Seungcheol was making you feel.Â
âI think I can cum without that.â He half laughed, half groaned. âBut god yes I want to.â
âDo it.â You directed him, halting your own movements, watching him. âTouch yourself.âÂ
Without wasting a second, Soonyoung instantly unbuttoned his pants and stuck his hand down, wrapping it around his erection. As he shifted uncomfortably, you could tell he wouldâve felt a lot better if he could completely free himself.
âCareful. Otherwise Iâll see youâŠI mean itâŠâÂ
âDo you mind?â He raised his eyebrows at you. âWould it bother you if IâŠ.âÂ
If you were being honest, since the moment you laid eyes on the outline of his dick you were curiousâŠ
âNo.â You shook your head. âI donât.âÂ
âThen I donât give a flying fuck.âÂ
He raised his hips a little, just enough to pull down his pants as his erection sprung free, resting against his abs, pink and flushed.Â
Oh he was long.Â
Seungcheol might be thick but Soonyoung was long, like he could reach places no one else could. As he spat in his hand and smeared the pre cum along his length pumping it in his fist, you gulped, forgetting that you too were in the middle of doing the same thing, just staring.Â
âY/n,â He moaned your name, throwing his head back, setting off a strange fire in your groin. âMatch my pace.âÂ
You nodded, thankful to not have to put your own brain to this which was threatening to shut off any moment now. Watching him half lidded, you let him set the pace for your movements, matching him almost perfectly.Â
âFuck this feels so good.â Soonyoung whimpered.Â
âIt does.â You agreed, with struggling breaths. âSoonyoung pleaseâŠ. Faster.âÂ
âFaster?â He smirked, but listened. âYou really are one of us huh.âÂ
âI need more.â You whined, feeling yourself at an edge you were just not able to cross. âSoonyoungâŠ.âÂ
âI wish I could help, baby.â He sighed, âI really do wishâŠâÂ
âWhat would you have done?âÂ
âIâd have my mouth everywhereâŠmarked your neckâŠ. marked those pretty breastsâŠ.fuck Y/n, youâd have to beg me to stop.âÂ
âDonât.â You moaned, pushing your shirt up with your free hand, grabbing a tit, squeezing it painfully hard. âTell me moreâŠâÂ
âIâd hold the toy for you, watch you fuck yourself on itâŠ.â He stroked himself faster, almost erratically. âMaybe give it to you from the back so I can see how your ass-âÂ
Groaning annoyed at the sound of music coming loudly from his pocket, your movements faltered, eyes widening. It was different from the ringtone earlier which probably meant-
âIs that Mina?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âP-pick it up Soonyoung.âÂ
âIgnore it.âÂ
âSoon-âÂ
âIgnore it.â He emphasized. âGo on Y/n, I donât know how long the effects of that toy are going to last.âÂ
And thatâs what made you stop wondering why Soonyoung wouldnât pick up the call when this was in fact the most ideal situation the two of you were meant to be caught in. You didnât want to lose what you were pumping inside you, you didnât want to lose the feeling of Seungcheol stretching you out. As you resumed the pace, Soonyoungâs voice left him like a croak.Â
âDo you like the thought of this? Someone listening to you get off?âÂ
You didnât want to answer that. Wasnât the kind of things you liked evident by the fact that you were fucking yourself to one man while watching and listening to another?Â
âBecause I love that youâre watching.â He whispered. âItâs driving me insane.âÂ
âI wanna see you cum.â You pulled the toy out of you, tossing it onto the towel before your fingers found your clit rubbing circles hard.
âFuck I'm close.â He pumped himself faster, losing rhythm, broken moans and whimpers leaving him. âSo close.â
Words left your mouth too as incoherent babbles as you felt your back arch and insides tighten pleasurably. Eyes crossing and shut tight, you finally came, chest heaving, trying to catch a breath. As you slowly came around and ran your fingers down your folds realising just how much you came, Soonyoung continued to push himself over the edge, like he just needed a little more nudge to finally find his release. Gulping you swung your legs off the bed and silently walked up to him, standing between his manspread, leaning till your lips were right by his ear.Â
âCum for me Soonyoung.âÂ
Almost immediately, with a guttural moan, his head fell back, baring his neck as spurts of cum shot onto his hand and torso, painting them white. Once the sheer amount left him he finally slumped back into his chair, breathing again, like he had been holding it in for too long. The sight of his cum all over his abs against the sheen of sweat on it made you clench unwillingly and you ran two fingers over it, collecting it. You knew his lips parted to catch his breath but you took the chance to slip your digits into his mouth, letting him taste himself. Surprised but not unpleasantly, Soonyoung ran his tongue along them, licking it clean, pulling away with a pop.
âYou taste as good as you sound.âÂ
It's only then that you realise your own arousal was coating your fingers too.Â
Scoffing awkwardly, you shuffled back, picking up your shorts and panties from the floor, putting them on slowly. Â
âI'm not dressed yet!â You shrieked, futilely trying to cover yourself as Soonyoung attempted to remove his blindfold. Holding his hand up, he allowed you to get dressed in the silence that followed. Silence that was too much to bear, silence that if he hadnât broken, you would have.Â
âI wasn't sure if I heard right but I thoughtâŠâ He let out a deep breath as he tucked his flaccid self back in his pants. âI thought you took someone's name as you came.âÂ
You froze.Â
You hadn't realised but now that you thought about itâŠ. maybe, just maybe, you had taken Seungcheolâs name as your orgasm hit you. Yes you were incredibly turned on by Soonyoung and the sight of him and the sounds that left him but there was only one thing running at the back of your mind - cheol, cheol, cheol.Â
âI'm not sure what you heard.â You brushed away his concerns, trying to sound casual. âI don't even know what I was saying, I was in some other zone entirely.âÂ
Soonyoung hummed in response and didn't push you for any further details. Grateful, you wiped your hands on the towel laid out before grabbing it, the bedsheet as well as the dildo and stuffed them all in your bag, throwing it over your shoulder - this was your mess to deal with.
âYou done?âÂ
âYeah justâŠ.put fresh sheets please.âÂ
âOh don't worry about all that.â He got up, attempting to take his blindfold yet again. âI got it. If you want you could-âÂ
âGoodbye Soonyoung.â You stepped back, knowing he was offering for you to stay the night. Instead you headed for the door, hoping to leave before your eyes met his again. âI hope I was of help.âÂ
And as you left, you heard him sigh, revealing something he probably didn't mean for you to hear.Â
âI don't think so Y/n.â
â
When you left Soonyoungâs house the rain had stopped but as you stood in the dining hall before the laundry machines the storm had returned yet again, much heavier this time. You glanced outside the windows at the obscurity sighing. It was like things just hated being in your favour.Â
When the ding of the washer went off, you shifted the sheets into the dryer and decided to leave it there for the night considering you couldn't carry them back in the rain - youâd deal with them in the morning anyways, you werenât ready to see Soonyoung just yet.
When you grabbed your bag from the floor, the weight had not reduced much - the dildo was still in it except it was back in its original popsicle-like shape, any trace of its resemblance to Seungcheol lost. You'd simply washed it and put it back in the bag, unsure what else to do with it. A part of you was annoyed that it had taken after Seungcheol of all people but the other was terrified that if you were to ever use it again, it would probably still model after him yet again.Â
Disappointed with yourself you took a deep breath and shook your head. No. No more Choi Seungcheol. This ends here.Â
Glancing at the machines one last time, you held onto your bag and ran out into the rain, hoping that Seungcheol had retired to his room by the time you reached. Instead, just as you approached the House of Zeus, you heard his voice.Â
âY/n!âÂ
He was drenched from head to toe, his blonde hair sticking to his face much like his shirt plastered against his pecs, like he had been soaked in the rain for hours. Letting out a struggled breath, you walked straight into his house, ignoring him. Seungcheol jogged over as fast as he could, putting himself in between you and the doors.Â
âY/n please listen to me-âÂ
âI donât want to.â You attempted to go around him, only to be blocked by him again.Â
âI just want to explain what happened earlier-âÂ
âI donât care enough for an explanation.â
âI do!âÂ
You rolled your eyes as you pushed him away, a lot less gently than you intended to and Seungcheol immediately caught your hand, pulling you towards him.
âSeungcheol-âÂ
âYouâŠ. you can touch me.â He looked at his fingers wrapped around your wrist in awe, then at your palm flat against his chest.
âDidnât you say you didnât want me to-âÂ
âYou shouldnât be able to.â He muttered like he was amazed, unable to tear his eyes away. âHow can youâŠ.âÂ
âSeungcheol, you're not making any sense.âÂ
He let out a deep breath. âDo you remember when you first came to camp we told you that every demigod has a certain set of offensive and defensive powers depending on their parentage?âÂ
You nodded, frowning.
âAs the son of Zeus, my defensive power isâŠ.an electric field.â Oh. âAt times like war, or in adrenaline driven situations, I become highly charged, rendering anyone who so much as comes two feet near me electrocuted. It's supposed to be a way to weaken enemies.â He sighed, âThatâs why I was afraid of you touching me. I didnât want you to get hurt.âÂ
âButâŠ..Seungcheol Iâm not an enemy and this isnât a war-âÂ
âI get nervous around you.â He avoided your eye. âI donât know, I justâŠ.. I can feel my skin prickling around you butâŠâŠâ He glanced at where your hands met his again. âYou donât feel anything?âÂ
âNo, no I donât but why do I make you nervous?âÂ
Seungcheol smiled softly. âDo you really not know?âÂ
You suppressed the grin forming on your own face. Fucking finally.Â
âNo.â You shook your head feigning innocence. âTell me.âÂ
âCan I show you?âÂ
Maybe you nodded a bit too eagerly, because Seungcheol chuckled, pushing himself up against the door, pulling you along with him. As your body pressed against his, his hands found your waist, gaze darkening. He leaned in, lips hovering over yours, whispering your name softly, like he loved the sound of it. As your breaths mingled, lightning went off behind you, the silver light illuminating his gorgeous face and all its sharp angles. Just as you moved closer, eyes fluttering shut, Seungcheol cleared his throat.Â
âY/n Iâm sorry, I forgot that itâs late and we have training at 4 tomorrow.â He muttered, drawing his hands away. âYou should sleep. I canât excuse your lateness everyday.âÂ
And yet again Choi Seungcheol left you completely baffled as he opened the door behind him and walked in, away from you.Â
Next Chapter
a/n - please send me your thoughts - this kind of writing is waaaay out of my comfort zone, I need to know I'm not completely messing shit up and if I missed you in the taglist, please lmk!
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good girl â§
eddie munson x fem!reader.
warnings: smut. MDNI!! 18+!! swearing; slight degradation if you squint. pure filth.
summary: eddie munson loves eating pussy, better yet he loves fucking you after heâs already made you crumble.
a/n: i want to write more to distract myself but im too lazy to grab my computer so this is written on my phone. like and reblog if you enjoy. eddie is hot đ©· also im changing the intro to my stories bc i feel like some of it was unnecessary lol ^~^
-ââââââââââââââââ-
âgod youâre so fucking pathetic.â eddie grabbed your throat, looking directly into your eyes. âyou must want my cock so bad, hmm?â he used his finger to feel your clothed pussy. âsoaking wet and iâve barely even touched you.â you groan, the anticipation creeping up. âplease ed,â you whimper softly, rutting your hips forward. âi need you so bad.â he tsks, standing straight. he locks his eyes with yours, slowly undoing his belt. his cock was hard, desperate for your touch, but he wanted to make you beg for him.
âwhy should i fuck you?â he questions, his pants are down now, his hard length protruding through his underwear. you frown, realizing what he was leading up too. âeddie please.â he shakes his head, âcmon baby, tell me.â you close your eyes, taking a shaky breath. âi need you to touch me.â he leans forward, ânot good enough.â he stands up again, furthering the distance. âplease all night youâve been teasing me. i just want you to fuck me.â he sighs contentedly, placing a kiss on your lips. your hunger kicked into overdrive and you immediately kiss him back, your tongue fighting with his. you wrap your arms around his neck, holding tightly onto him. he pulls away and you immediately frown. âlet me help you with these.â he leans down, removing the lacey material, exposing your pussy.
âpromise im all yours?â you enthusiastically shake your head, âim all yours edâs i promise.â he reaches his two fingers towards your mouth. âopen.â you happily oblige, âwider.â he sets his fingers into your mouth, allowing your tongue to wet them. âsuch a good girl.â he leans on the bed with you now.
you were in a quite vulnerable position, legs wide. eddie licked his lips, his eyes mentally taking note of your exposed body. he places his wet fingers inside of you, slowly stretching you out. âi gotta get you nice and ready for my cock; yeah?â you couldnât manage to utter a single word, so you just watch him in awe. he reaches forward, now using his tongue to lap against your clit. you throw your head back; a small moan escaping you. this made his heart speed up, he continued at a quick place, licking your pussy and thrusting his fingers into you. your hands grab his hair, keeping his face close to your cunt. âso good edâs, feels so good.â he continues; seeing you crumble beneath him gave him an ego boost, and you were very aware. but eddie munson was really good at eating pussy, and with all the attention he focused on your clit, he was soon making you approach your first orgasm.
his free hand grabs your thigh tightly, his fingers leaving red marks into your fleshy skin. âdonât stop, please,â you hook your legs around him, forcing him close to your pussy. âiâm gonna cum.â he helps you through your high, your legs shaky slightly. âyou taste so good sweetheart.â you shake your head, now embarrassed. âdonât be embarrassed baby, that was really sexy.â you decide to make the next move, eager to feel him inside you.
you sit up; reaching for his underwear. you pull it down to reveal his cock. itâs hard, throbbing; and thereâs a decent amount of precum leaking from his red tip. you reach out, stroking him. he groans under your touch. âgonna fuck you so good.â you lay back on the bed, opening your legs for eddie. âthen fuck me.â he smirks at your comment, but decides youâve earned it. he pumps his cock a few times before lining it up at your entrance. âi need you eddie.â he kisses your neck, biting your skin. he slowly inserts himself, ensuring he wasnât hurting you too bad. he slowly pushes in and out, he always waited for your approval. he wanted to make sure you were having a good experience too.
you let out a small whine, his cock was deep inside of you, that mixed with his hands gripping your hips, was sending you into blissful peace. âgod your pussy is perfect.â he hides his face into the crevice of your neck. he reached a hand down, playing with your bundle of nerves. âlove when you take my cock.â heâs going menacingly slow now, irritation taking over. âeddie faster.â he chuckles, âno please?â he lifted an eyebrow at you, removing his hand from your clit. âeddie. please, please fuck me.â he nods, his hands gripping your hips. he slams his cock further into you, a relentless fast pace following your demands.
you stare directly at eddie, watching his face contort into pleasure, his mouth open slightly, his curls falling in front of his eyes. you reach forward to move his hair to the side, immediately latching your lips onto his.
he swiftly pulls out, âget on your hands and knees for me?â you smile, âanything.â you switch into the different position, your ass arched perfectly in front of him. he lines himself up with you again; eager to continue fucking you. âfuck youâre gonna be the death of me.â he slaps your ass, squeezing it. âcould fuck you like this everyday.â he pushes you down, now face to face with the mattress. he was incredibly turned on, the only thing on his mind was filling you with his cum. âeddie fuck youâre cock is so big.â his dick continued to hit that spot inside of you, his hands grabbing everything they could; your hips, thighs, ass, he couldnât get enough of you. you reach down to circle your clit, small moan falls from your lips. âweâre alone baby.â you look back at him, âi know.â he smirks, âit doesnât sound like you know. let me hear your moans.â he continues to drill into you, you stop muffling your moans and started to let go. letting the pleasure engulf you, âi know i make you feel good. no one else can fuck you like this, can they?â he questions, you shake your head, âno edâs only you-.â you arch your back again; the angle allowing eddie to burry himself further into you. âfuck you make me feel so good eds.â
âwant you to cum for me.â your eyes are shut now; the pleasure filling your stomach with butterflies, âbe a good girl, cum around my cock.â his words only get you there faster. âgonna cum, please let me cum.â your hand dropped and he quickly used his fingers to replace the friction you had previously lost. âthatâs it.â your body shakes as your orgasm washes over you. âgonna cum inside your pussy.â you moan at his words, and how eagerly he was using your sloppy hole. âsuch a slut. you want me to fill you with my cum? yeah?â you nod, worn out. âyes please.â he needs more, âbeg for it.â you tighten around him, âgive me your cum eds, i want you to cum.â you continue to babble, âfill me up please.â he moans, his cock twitching. âawh fuck yes.â his pace slows down as his high approached, his seed leaking out of you. âgod that was perfect.â your eyes are sleepy; âeddie youâre really good at sex.â he laughs, âbaby, when youâre pussy feels that perfect iâm obligated to work harder.â you bite your clip at his confession, âi gotta work to be able to keep your pussy, right?â you grin, âyeah, youâre right.â he smiles brightly, âletâs get you cleaned up.â
he leads you to the bathroom. while you use the toilet he wets a washcloth with warm water. he gently cleans you up. he places a kiss on your forehead, then one on your lips. he grabs you a new pair of underwear. he helps you slide them on. âyouâre all iâll ever need baby.â his words comfort you, and you follow him back to his bed. âi only want you.â he kisses youâre forehead again, âget some rest baby, i know your sleepy.â you look up at him, âvery sleepy. goodnight eds.â you cuddle into him, you breathing slow. âi love you.â you softly mutter. he rubs your back, âi love you.â
#eddie munson story#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie x smut#eddie x reader smut#eddie munson x you smut#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson#stranger things smut#stranger things fanfic#eddie munson x female reader#eddie x y/n#eddie x you
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Deflower
Summary: You and Sam had been dating for a while now. Growing up a hunter did not leave you any time for intimate experience, at least not until now.
Warnings: softdom!Sam, sub!fem reader, virgin! reader, fingering, pet names (sweetheart, baby), unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), use of baby girl (my guilty pleasure..)
A/N: I was so excited to write this fic... As a proud virgin I love this prompt đâđ»
Once you, Sam, and Dean finished a hunting trip, normally you'd immediately start searching for another supernatural creature to kill, but after today, you three decided to take a couple days off. Dean went off with a blonde girl, only God knows what they're doing. Sam decided to get another motel room, just for the two of you.
Sam had lead you to the new room, grabbing your bags and placing them down by the bed. He takes off your jacket, gently sliding it off your shoulders. Once the jacket falls to the ground, he leans in for a kiss, softly placing his lips against yours. He grabs your arm, leading you to the queen size bed. You both sit down, lips still locked on each other.
"I'm ready" you moan, he backs away, "are you sure?" Sam asks, all you do is nod. He brings his lips back to yours, the kiss more passionate than it was. He starts to unbutton your blouse, he slides the thin fabric down your arms, finally taking it fully off. He dips his head down to your neck, pecking the soft skin that lies there.
You begin to get antsy, you two have never gone further than a quick fingerfuck, your body excited for the next step. "Be patient, baby." He chuckles in your ear, you whine in response, "aw, I know, I know." He smiles into your neck.
Once you two were fully undressed, he laid you down on the bed, admiring your beautiful body. You begin to get shy, covering up your boobs, he climbs over you, removing your arms from your chest, kissing your hand. He really is the sweetest man alive.
"Tell me if you want to stop." He says, pecking you on the lips, you return the kiss. He gently spreads your legs open, he lowers his head in between your legs, giving your inner parts of your thighs a kiss on each side. "So beautiful" he mutters to himself, he looks up at you for confirmation, you nod your head yes.
He slowly licks a stripe from your entrance to your clit, he suckles on the swollen nub once he reaches it. Your hands quickly find his hair, tugging on his brown locks. He lifts his head up, "feel good?" He looks up with a big smile, all you do is moan and whine, signaling him to continue his actions, thankfully he does.
His lips find your clit once again, licking and slurping at your heat. As he sucks on your nub, his long fingers find your entrance, he slowly pushes them in, and they immediately find your g-spot, your mouth falls open, overwhelmed by the pleasure your experiencing. He curls his fingers upward, hitting your upper wall.
He knows your body well, despite not ever actually fucking you, he knows when your about to cum, he knows by the way your pussy clenches down on his fingers as he pushes them in and out, and he knows by the way your clit throbs when he's rubbing it in between his fingers.
He backs away, removing his mouths and fingers from your soaked core. You groan at the loss of contact, Sam raises his hand to move the hair that was sticking to your forehead. "Are you ready?" He asks, looking into your shimmering eyes, filled with tears from the desperation, you nod "please."
He grabs ahold of his dick, hard and throbbing, he rubs his tip over your puffy clit a couple of times before pressing his cock near your entrance. "Relax, sweetheart." He says before slowly entering you. Your face contorts in pain, unused to the feeling. He groans as his cock goes deeper into your warm pussy.
He places his hand on the headboard for stability, "you okay?" He says, moaning at the same time, you let out a little uh-huh as you close your eyes, pressing your lips together, "it's gonna feel better baby, I promise. Just give it some time." Sam replies, kissing your neck as he bottoms out.
You moan loudly, his cock hitting your cervix. You wrap your hands around his neck, trying to find some comfort for this pain and pleasure you were feeling. "You can move." You say quietly, he doesn't even say anything, to excited to finally make love to the love of his life you think.
You're still trying to get used to the new feeling. Everytime he hits your g-spot it's like a million fireworks go off in your body. But soon enough you're begging for him to move faster and harder, chasing that sweet release.
His hips rutting against your thighs, skin slapping every second, I'm sure the neighbors will be very pleased with you two. Sam grits his teeth as he feels your hole clench around him, "let go, baby." He says, like a switch in your brain was flipped, you spasm around his dick.
A silent moan slips from your lips, your legs shaking. "Atta girl" Sam says in reply to your orgasm, chasing his own as he speeds up his pace. A couple thrusts later, he shoots his cum into you, thrusting a little more after. "Fuck.." he breathes out.
He pulls out, laying beside you. He puts his arm under your head, and you nuzzle into his chest, your leg over his body. "Thank you." You squeak, he chuckles "for what?" "For being the best boyfriend in the world." You say giggling.
"Lets get you cleaned up, baby girl."
#fics#smut#sam winchester#sam winchester smut#supernatural#fanfiction#sam winchester imagine#sam winchester x reader#virgin!reader
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Go Ahead & Cry (Iâd Wipe Away All Your Tears)
incl.: nanami, choso, toji, gojo, geto, sukuna
summary: for a group of men who kill for a living, theyâre awfully sweet⊠most of the time.
a/n: ngl iâm writing this bc iâm finally processing the US election results & i just⊠canât deal. my heart goes out to all of you. pls take care of yourselves & enjoy the drabbles đ«¶
Nanami
Nanami would be the first to notice something is off.
Whether youâre both at home and youâre just a bit too quiet, or he hasnât heard from you by his lunch break while at work, something is distinctly off.
He wouldnât be the nosy type, or the type to press. Heâd bring home a sweet treat and a sentimental good (a potted flower, a stuffed animal, something that reminded him of you) without a word.
He wouldnât pity you; far from it. And heâd never want to make you feel like that. So heâd leave the gifts on the coffee table and greet you with a kiss to the forehead, like always.
Heâd sit in silence with you as if nothing was awryâ allow you to feel your emotions. Heâd put on a movie you like, something mindless and upbeat, without asking. Drag you to his chest and hold you there, keeping you warm and grounded in his touch.
If the waterworks start up, heâd rub your back with a large hand and press kisses to the part of your hair.
âThatâs it. Get it out. I know.â
Choso
Choso is either too emotionally in-tune or completely clueless until the tears start.
But when he knows youâre upset, he feels it too.
He gets it wrong a lot of the time, at the beginningâ tries to pry the cause out of you so he can minimize it. In his defence, he does it with good intentions; tries to help you see that the perceived threat is small in the greater scheme of things, that everything will work out.
But when the tears start welling, he knows heâs fucked up.
And god, is he so sweet trying to fix things.
âSo sorryââ
Heâd kiss the salty tears off your cheeks without hesitation.
âHow do I make it stop?â
His bleeding heart is his biggest weakness and his greatest strength.
You wouldnât have to lift a finger for the rest of the day, as he tries to make things up to you. Cooking (though he burns the bottom of the pan), cleaning (though he spills the food and has to clean again), and cuddles would be the itinerary.
Though he loves to be little spoon, heâd let you rest in his arms as long as you need it. And once you find a spot in his arms, he wouldnât dare move.
Toji
Toji is not great with words. Or gifts. Or quality time, really.
Despite his best intentions, he always manages to fuck it up somehow. Usually by minimizing your feelings with a âwhat now?â or a ââs not a big deal.â or a ânothinâ to cry over.â
Itâs not his fault you cry over the little things & that you look so cute doing it. Those fat tears and reddened cheeks scratch the sadistic part of his brain so good.
That being said, heâs learned what you like over the years. Even stopped scoffing when he senses youâre feeling down.
No, heâs developed a plan.
At the first signs of distress (heâs gotten really good at recognizing these), heâs got you in his arms. If heâs at work, you better bet heâs speeding things up and hauling his ass back.
He wrestles you into his big clothes; donât even think about fighting him on this. He wants you comfy and cozy. Heâd be setting you up on the couch, dragging the comforter down from the bedroom to wrap you up. Heâd sit there with you for hours, massaging your feet or calves and ordering food in. Your favourite fast foodâ and a whole lotta ice cream.
Donât take advantage of his kindness though; heâs still Toji. Any snide comments, and heâd be quick to snap back.
âShut up nâ let me take care of ya.â
Gojo
Gojoâs a little⊠misguided when cheering people up most of the time. That is, unless you find his goofy antics comforting.
Heâs known for draping himself over shoulders obnoxiously, pinching and pulling cheeks, and light jabs that crack (only) him up.
When that doesnât work, itâs a quick fixâ thanks to the seemingly unending pit of his black card.
Gojo Satoru, at his core, is a gift giver.
Nothing pleases him more than sharing things with you that he thinks will bring you joyâ whether thatâs an expensive physical present or a luxurious vacation abroad.
Heâs wrapped around your little fingers and a sniffle would have him buckling at the knees and fumbling for his wallet.
While this might look like a cop outâ a way to get out of emotional intelligence dutyâ itâs just one part of his approach. The man is actually quite sensitive and understanding once you dig beneath the layers of persona. And he can be surprisingly matureâ though heâd never want to show that side to most of the world.
Heâd always listen to your yapping, validating your feelingsâ heâd take your side always. And he is a pro at shit-talking. At the end of it, you always come out feeling a little bit better. A little bit stronger.
You are the strongest together, after all.
Geto
Suguru is a problem-solver.
Heâd sit and motion for you to lay your head on his thighs. Long elegant fingers would make gentle work of your roots and scalp, and the tension would be melting away. When youâre relaxed enough to breathe, heâd want to hear all the venting.
âNow do you want solutions or just my ear?â
Heâs your rock; always puts things into perspective if you ask. Heâs always got adviceâ though sometimes clouded by bias. Still, itâs nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone who actually listens.
Understands.
The flipside, however, is the darkness you find in him. He understands what to do because heâs hurt too. You can see it in the way he carries himself, in the bags under his eyes and the shake of his hands on the bad days.
But you care for him like he cares for youâ braid his hair back, let him talk it out, gift whatever advice you can muster.
And as soon as youâre both feeling better, youâd be getting crĂȘpes with the girls.
Sukuna
The King of Curses does not understand human sadness.
Perhaps he had empathy for it, centuries ago, before he became the Two-faced Spectre.
But now, seeing you upset, all he can think of is how pathetic tears look in reddened eyes.
Heâd wipe them away with a big thumb, clicking his tongue.
âUnsightly, pathetic little thing.â
Yet, the way he speaks down to you holds a softness. A protective nature he rarely gives voice to.
Heâd treat you like a porcelain doll; a prized possession. No measure was inconvenient when it came to appeasing youâ though heâd be quick to reprimand entitlement. And vehemently deny any sort of feeling towards you.
When the tears come, heâd be signalling for Uraume to draw a bath and cook your favourite. Youâd find your room tidied, trinkets left on the foot of your bed as if dragged in by a wild animalâ an ornate dagger, gold jewellery, incense.
He wasnât one to demonstrate affectionâ but heâd keep you close on the tough days. Whether it be making a seat for you on one of his hulking thighs or allowing you to sleep in his quarters, heâd allow you to do as you please.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk headcanons#jjk sukuna#sukuna ryomen#choso kamo#jjk choso#jjk geto#suguru geto#geto suguru#jjk gojo#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#fushiguro toji#jjk toji#toji fushiguro#jjk nanami#nanami kento#kento nanami#ryomen sukuna#kamo choso#nanami x reader#choso x reader#toji x reader#gojo x reader#geto x reader#sukuna x reader
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A Surprisingly Fortuitous Bus Ride - Quinn Hughes x ofc
Title: A Surprisingly Fortuitous Bus RideÂ
Author: Tory / @tkwritesÂ
Relationship: Quinn Hughes x Sarah Roberts
Summary: Due to circumstances outside of his control, Quinn finds himself late to a FaceTime date with Sarah. When she starts some fun by herself, Quinn canât help but join in, even if he canât see her.Â
Warnings: Smut (18+ only!) - masturbation, vibrator use, phone sex (sort of), long distance relationships, a bit voyeuristic?Â
Word Count: 973
Comments: In an effort to provide my fellow Americans some distraction on this very stressful election day, I present to you Quinn getting Sarah off with the vibrator she gifted him for his birthday - with a twist.
The idea of this came into my mind, and I just had to write it down. It also happened to be the piece that was closest to being finished.Â
I hope you enjoy! If you did, please let me know by commenting, reblogging, or sending in an ask. Your encouragement and comments truly inspire me to keep writing.Â
Also, let me know if youâd like to see a part two!
Anonymous asked: Can we expect to see Quinn putting that new vibrator to use with Sarah in the near future? đ
Anonymous asked: Any change we could also get a little something of Quinn and Sarah for the election stress đÂ
A Surprisingly Fortuitous Bus RideÂ
AÂ Quinn & Sarah Snapshot
Even though they were coming off a matinee win over the Penguins, this wasnât the way Quinn would have chosen to end his day.Â
Their plane broke down in Pittsburgh, so what should have been a two hour flight turned into a three and a half hour bus ride. He knew things had to be done, and they had to get to Ohio to get in some solid sleep before the game tomorrow, but bus travel was his least favorite. It was crammed and smelly, and the bus rocked in a disconcerting way the plane never did.Â
He couldnât fall asleep and on top of everything else, now he was late for a FaceTime date with Sarah.Â
Sheâd messaged they day before, wondering if he had a room to himself in Columbus.Â
When he confirmed that he was indeed roommateless the next evening, she responded, Oh, thank God. Iâm so horny, Iâm going insane.Â
Canât you get yourself off?Â
Yeah, but itâs better when I can hear you.Â
That message had made him blush, but also filled his chest with so much pride, he felt like he could have single handedly taken down Crosby.Â
And now, he was stuck on this fucking bus. It definitely wasnât the way he wanted to spend his evening. Especially not when Sarah was relying on him.Â
Trying to distract himself with the book he was reading, he almost didnât look at his phone when it buzzed in his pocket.Â
Eventually, his curiosity got the best of him, and he pulled it out, wondering if heâd find another message like the ones from yesterday. Instead, the notification read: Lush: engaged
This bus ride was about to get a lot more interesting.Â
Anytime this notification came through, Quinn always felt a heady rush of euphoria. Sometimes, he didnât even join in on the fun. Just knowing Sarah was pleasuring herself never failed to make his mouth water and his pants a little tighter.Â
Sheâd confessed a while ago that the toy sheâd given him for his birthday was her favorite, even if she was controlling it herself.Â
The first few times theyâd used it, he watched her get herself off with it before taking over so he could learn her limits.Â
Now, he opened the app and watched the slider for the internal motor tick up. The external motor stayed low and steady. He hardly ever saw it move. Occasionally, she turned it off altogether.
Watching the levels increase and decrease a few times, he knew she was working herself up â easing in, so the intensity the toy could bring on didnât become too much. Â
He never thought he could get so breathlessly turned on from watching a slider move on his phone. After a few more minutes, he couldnât stand it anymore. His fingers were itching to take control.Â
Finally giving himself permission, he switched the vibration pattern of the internal motor from the steady buzz to the thump-thump-thump. He liked to watch her fall apart around this particular pattern as it often caused her to breathe, moan, and clench down in rhythm. Watching her body sync up with it never failed to make him breathless.Â
Quinn Hughes! Her text popped up at the top of his screen. What the fuck! You canât even see me.Â
In response, he turned the vibration up a tick. In case she decided to call, he put his AirPods in, though he hoped she wouldnât. He was sure heâd start moaning if he had to listen to her orgasm, knowing he was controlling the pace. He was practically panting just imagining it. Â
I know what you look like, he shot back. Iâm getting through this damned bus ride imagining how you sound.Â
The fact that Quinn was still making her feel this way when they werenât even on the phone â that he was just watching the levels on his screen, relying on his memories to guide him â was incredibly hot. The fact that he knew her well enough to get her off without any visual or verbal cues made her feel cared for and loved on top of outrageously turned on.Â
It wasnât as fun when he couldnât hear or see her, but he still knew what she liked. After a few more minutes, he changed the pattern again to one that slid from low to high and back again.Â
Although she was alone in the house, Sarah still cried out, clutching at the sheets as pleasure rocked through her.Â
He let that one tease her for a while before switching back to the thumping and turning it up two ticks.Â
Before her first high had a chance to edge off, he switched the vibration pattern back to the thump-thump-thump he liked so much, and it sent her careening into another orgasm.Â
She wished he could hear her. âFuck! Fuck, fuck! Quinn!âÂ
The vibration stayed true and strong as the pleasure eased off. Before he could switch it again and send her into another overstimulating orgasm, she groped for her phone and turned the toy low enough that she could pull it out. Slick with lube and her release, it jumped out of her hand as it buzzed back to life. She had to wrestle it still until she could turn it off.Â
While she liked the orgasms as much as the next girl, she knew it would be even better when he was listening or watching, and if they kept going now, she wouldnât have the energy to play once he was on his own.Â
She hadnât expected Quinn to join in at all. He was on the bus, for godâs sake. She just needed something to tide her over until that evening.
She sent Quinn a melted emoji along with the message, You better be getting there soon so you can finish what you just started.Â
A smile beamed over his face.Â
Just an hour longer.Â
Want more Quinn & Sarah? Check out the Snapshots MasterlistÂ
To read all my fics, check out the Fanfiction Masterlist
#quinn & sarah snapshots#tkanswers đź#quinn hughes#qh43#quinn hughes fanfiction#quinn hughes smut#quinn hughes blurb#quinn hughes one shot#quinn hughes fic#quinn smut#quinn hughes au#quinn hughes x oc#quinn hughes x ofc#quinn hughes imagine#nhl fanfiction#nhl smut#hockey fanfiction#hockey romance#hockey smut
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If I had a nickel for every time I posted an incorrect quotes dump, I'd have a lot of nickles!
BigB:Â What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Mumbo:Â BigB, stop trying to get drugs. BigB:Â Don't suppress my interests.
Lizzie:Â Oh, my God. Do you know what this is? Jimmy:Â Itâs a book. Thereâs a lot of those in here, this is a library.
Tango:Â Donât stay up all night, Ren. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.
Scar:Â Guys, thereâs a monster under my bed and itâs really ugly. Gem, on the bottom bunk:Â Honestly, fuck you.
Etho:Â Gem has no idea Iâm high. Gem:Â Youâre high? Etho:Â Oh, Iâm sorry. Etho, leaning over to Grian:Â Gem has no idea Iâm high.
Martyn:Â Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Scar:Â Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Cleo:Â It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"
Scar:Â What did you guys get in your yearbook? Grian:Â 'Prettiest Smile' Joel:Â 'Nicest Personality' Ren:Â 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Cleo:Â 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
Impulse:Â I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.
Pearl:Â So Iâm the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger? Tango:Â Do I get to pick the finger?
Jimmy, talking to Impulse: Well Impulse, whenever Iâm about to do something, I think âwould Gem do that?â and if they would, I do not do that thing. Impulse: ⊠Gem, from the distance: Theyâre not wrong though!
Pearl:Â If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
BigB: Tango, what if there are monsters? Tango: Donât worry, weâre top of the food chain. Much later⊠BigB, lying awake at night: I am the monster.
Pearl: If we donât get out of this alive⊠If weâre both about to dieâŠÂ I love you, Gem! *Neither of them die* Gem: ⊠Pearl: ⊠Gem: So do you wanna talk about somethi- Pearl: No thank you.
Bdubs:Â Aww, what's your dog's name? Tango:Â Spartacus. Bdubs, yelling to Martyn:Â TRY SPARTACUS! Martyn, on the computer:Â DIDN'T WORK! Tango: Bdubs:Â What's your favorite number?
Scott:Â Donât say a word. Impulse:Â Fergalicious. Scott:Â Impulse, I said no words. Impulse:Â Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, weâre playing Scrabble, itâs not a word, now suddenly it is a word because itâs convenient for you.
Skizz, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen:Â I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.
Cleo:Â Who wants to make fifty bucks? Tango:Â How? Cleo:Â I need someone to take the fall. Tango:Â What did you do? Cleo:Â I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Etho, from the other room:Â Oh my god. Cleo:Â ... Etho:Â OH MY GOD! Tango:Â Make it a hundred. Cleo:Â Deal.
Mumbo:Â So jellyshish- Grian, laughing:Â JELLYSHISH!? Mumbo:Â You know what I meant!
Cleo:Â We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest* Skizz:Â We have heart? Cleo:Â Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.
Etho:Â Do you even have a plan? Tango:Â This is the plan! I break you out, chaos, destruction, something something something, we win! Etho:Â Oh, of course, the old âsomething something something we winâ. Thatâs a terrible plan!
Pearl:Â Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Grian:Â Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Pearl:Â Okay yeah thanks Grian, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?
Scar:Â And Iâd love to be sorry for that, but we all know Iâve done much, much worse.
#grian#gtws#bdouble0#ethoslab#inthelittlewood#smajor1995#jimmy solidarity#smallishbeans#ldshadowlady#impulsesv#skizzleman#renthedog#bigbstatz#mumbo jumbo#tangotek#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#zombiecleo#trafficblr#incorrect quotes#enjoyđđđ
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I just saw your idea about Quackity sucking at torture and I am SO intrigued đ Please do tell
(Also I absolutely love love love your writing <3)
Hiii, thank you for asking :)
And I'm happy to hear that you enjoy my writing <3
It's been a while since I came up with that idea and I can't seem to find my notes on it (I found like 15 other half forgotten AUs instead oops) but I'm pretty sure it came from some discussion with Flora.
The basic idea is that everything happens just as it does in canon and Quackity goes to torture Dream. This is where things get sketchy because as I said, this is a 100 % crack idea so ... what if Quackity just somehow managed to fuck up every single torture attempt?
I really wish I could find my notes on this because I know I had some specific ideas written down but let's go with what I remember. During the first visit I think he might've just underestimated Dream who in spite of being in the prison for a while now was still able to dodge Quackity and maybe even disarm him or something just it ends up with Sam having to interfere.
But it's okay! Quackity's got it! It was just a ... a minor inconvenience, nothing more. But ... things are just not working out during his second visit either, nor during the third one or the fourth one.
Dream is totally not giving fuck about what Quackity wants and for the sake of crack Quackity just miserably fails in all his attempts to torture Dream in the most ridiculous ways possible.
Like, he will get his axe stuck in the obsidian and can't pull it out, he drops a harming potion and hits himself instead of Dream, he sets himself on fire on accident (that lava wall had no business being over there!), he fails to realize that Dream is actually good in strategic games and his plan to hurt Dream for losing a game fails when the game drags on for way too long (bonus points if he loses somehow). Just some very weird (and hopefully somewhat funny) stuff happens.
Some time he doesn't even get to try his hand at torture because he gets carried away with wedding preparation and all (just imagine him forcing Dream help with choosing the decorations or something lol)
After his fight with Karl Dream is forced to be the therapist (he has no escape while Quackity cries about the state of his relationship), least to say Dream is very confused why Quackity thought he is the right person to ask about the relationship problems (srsly Q have you seen the state of his relationships???)
At this point Dream himself might try to give him tips, look he is not a fan of getting tortured but this is just sad, okay?
Perhaps he will manage to actually hurt Dream at some point but by then I think he would be too used to failing that it actually freaks him out more than it freaks out Dream himself. Least to say the rest of the "session" was spend fretting over Dream because god man you're bleeding! Dream is just there like ... isn't this what you wanted? And well yeah but also no! (Q has some very mixed feelings)
Overall though I think Q would maim himself in that cell more than he ever did to Dream. On accident of course. I never figured out the logistics of this one but it'd be hella funny if Q somehow managed to idk cut of his own finger or something of the sort which would just end up with him freaking out and Dream having to try to calm him down while also calling for Sam to bring a healing potion
I know that it's supper cannon inaccurate but it's really just a crack idea without any real plot behind it đ
#thanks for asking I love talking about my silly ideas :)#please ignore the grammar errors my autocorrect loves to screw me over đ€Šââïž#c!dream#c!quackity#c!dream and c!quackity#dsmp#dreblr#dream smp#dsmp au#can i tell you a story?
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Solavellan ending and why I hate it
Major Veilguard endgame spoilers under the cut.
I beat the game two days ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that ending. I'm not going to get into the rest of the game's flaws. They've been covered at length. But all of those issues aside, the one perfect, untouchable thing I thought I had left as the game drew to a close was the Solavellan ending. After all, Trick wrote the original Solavellan romance and the incredible continuation of it in Trespasser. As lead writer, they were directly responsible for making it happen. I thought we had this in the bag.
So on one hand, my favorite Dragon Age romance finally reunited and disintegrated off into the sunset.
On the other hand, he did not choose her.
This is what ruined it for me. I know a lot of people have issues with her sacrificing her life to join him in the Fade, but that was really a secondary issue for me.
What was the point of their entire relationship if, in the end, when it REALLY counted, he was never going to choose Lavellan over tearing down the Veil? Why did it take Mythal, who he actually killed in the last game in order to take her power, to convince him? Where's the romance in that?
This literally just turned into the story of Lavellan and the elven god who did not love her enough.
Okay, yes, the gamified reason it takes Mythal to convince him is because Lavellan was tacked onto an existing avenue of dealing with Solas rather than being given her own separate option, right? At the end of the game you have the choice to either fight him, trick him, or (if the Mythal-related criteria is met) invoke the essence of Mythal contained in the statue. No Bring Out The Big Guns, Lavellan option.
In my opinion, she should have been the fourth option, only available to players that have an Inquisitor that romanced Solas and encouraged Lavellan to reunite with him mid-game. It would have required about as much effort to do this as it did to have him turn her down once again (which, I maintain defeats the entire purpose of the story being told here). That would have been the absolute easiest fix to this fucking mess.
I understand why Lavellan wasn't counted among his regrets and therefore wasn't in the Lighthouse murals (because he doesn't actually regret falling in love with her) and I acknowledge that getting real closure from Mythal is important to Solas's story, and that it did have its place in that ending scene. Whether she was a lover or a mother to him isn't really the issue here -- it's the fact that she holds sway over him where Lavellan apparently does not. Despite the fact that, again, he killed Mythal in the previous game, despite the fact that he couldn't bring himself to kill the Inquisitor for the anchor, despite the fact that Lavellan was the one single thing in the world that made him really want to walk away from his plans.
(Why wasn't the "I release you from my service" a conversation had between him and Flemythal back in Inquisition? And why is that essence of Flemythal (who now exists in Morrigan) suddenly so chill and pro-Veil? Do we not remember the reckoning that will shake the very heavens? The She was betrayed as I was betrayed, as the world was betrayed? I will see her avenged? No payoff? None? There's so much wrong and bad writing to unpack there, but this is still a Solavellan post.)
Back to him wanting to turn away from his grand plan. The fundamental difference between Mythal and Lavellan, in my opinion, is the way each of them saw him. Mythal asked him to change for her, to leave the Fade, to commit atrocities with her out of love and service. Lavellan only ever loved him as a man, never once asking him to change for her, never asking him to be anything other than himself. In the time they were together, he was able to be the person he wanted to be. It took a very specific set of circumstances and a very specific person that had to fall into place for that romance to happen, which is arguably what made her so special, and what made their time together even more so. It followed, especially with what we know now, that he would want to drop his grand plan to be with her.
In comes Veilguard, which introduced a parallel between Solas/Mythal and Solavellan. In the second memory, we discover that Mythal never once chose Solas over her duty to elvhenan (even when he begged her to lay it down and run away with him) and dragged him along with her to commit unspeakable atrocities (in her words, she broke him). Solas (at that point in the game, when we were witnessing the memories) had yet to choose Lavellan over his crusade, but quite literally loved her too much to bring her along with him. He would not let her do that to herself, he would not do to her what Mythal did to him.
Here's where I feel like I'm losing my mind, because I thought the point of that mural was to foreshadow him eventually choosing Lavellan, as he is very much not Mythal, and is very much looking for a reason to lay it down, to be proven wrong. I also thought the blurb in the Inquisitor character creation menu (who did you romance) was foreshadowing it, as well as the mid-game choice Rook can make to encourage her to reunite with him and change his heart.
So why didn't it happen? I can only assume because they didn't actually want to have any of our choices carry over, let alone the Solavellan option (which they should have realized from the start was a bad call and also fucking impossible to manage given that the game is a direct sequel to Inquisition). The fact that Lavellan is tacked onto an already existing scene rather than being given her own is evidence of this. However, even if she had to be tacked onto the Mythal scene and not given her own, a simple reordering of the events would have fixed the fucking ending. So it could have gone two (very easily manageable and not too much extra) ways:
Remove the part where he turns her down. Remove the entire thing. Morrimythal could have flown up to him before the Inquisitor even arrived on scene, we could have had our statue moment, and just when he thinks he's going to be all alone behind the Veil, Lavellan shows up, they reunite, and she goes with him. (Easiest way for Bioware to fix it imo)
Lav acts as the ace up our sleeve, a fourth option (and a second option to make him lay it down) instead of using the statue to redeem him. Mythal releases him from her service AFTER he chooses Lavellan, thereby releasing him from his guilt over her. I prefer this one. It should have been this. They could have walked away, they could have tied themselves to the Veil, either way works.
Now, I am among those that think the Veil should have come down, which would have rendered this entire thing moot, had it happened. But since Bioware is dead-set on maintaining the status quo in Thedas, it should have been this instead.
In writing this I wonder if I've been completely delusional over their relationship, but going by the reactions to this ending, it seems that what we got was not at all expected.
#veilguard spoilers#solavellan#solas#inquisitor lavellan#lavellan#dav spoilers#datv spoilers#bioware critical#dragon age#dragon age critical
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WHAT DO U THINK ABT ECLIPSE BEING A SOFTIE TO JAKE AND ANDREW IN THE NEW EAPS EP??
IâM SCREAMING AND CRYING.
I JUST WATCHED IT / AM LITERALLY WATCHING AS I TYPE THIS. || ALL LOVE / NO HATE
I ALWAYS KNEW ECLIPSE WOULD BE A GOOD DAD. I ALWAYS FUCKING KNEW. MY OWN WRITING AND AUâS FORETOLD THIS. ECLIPSE IS SO FUCKING SWEET OH MY GOD.
IâVE COME TO A REALIZATION. ECLIPSE IS GOING THROUGH A METAPHORICAL SERIES OF TRIALS THAT IMPROVES HIMSELF AND THE LIVES OF OTHERS. AND ALL OF THEM DIRECTLY REFLECT HIMSELF AND HIS TRAUMA.
Level One Exposure Therapy.
He had to get Sun and Moon to stop fighting each other so theyâd learn to share the body without having to split or suppress. It was successful, now they can switch in and out at will and are willingly giving each other their turns. Theyâre even learning more about themselves such as âhibernationâ, or more accurately, dormancy.
Sun and Moon was the whole reason any Eclipseâs existed. Their willingness to work with each other and themselves dictate what will happen when an Eclipse is created. Because of the natural hatred and fear between the two, a negative Eclipse is always created. But, it seems, we are creating a Ruin. A Ruin would be FAR, FAR GREATER than an Eclipse. Itâd be likeâŠgaining a younger brother. Metaphorically.
Level Two Exposure Therapy
Andrew, the dead ghost child. The haunting one, to be specific. Heâs like a little miniature version of Eclipse, being a little selfish prick that demands things while making fun of Eclipse as he does. Creating a body for him will allow him to finally interact with others, to gain real relationships and learn to live as the undead,
Level Three Exposure Therapy
Facing the two Andrewâs is like facing his literal inner child, if he had one. In realityâs case, itâd be called V0/V1 Eclipse. The Andrew stuck with Jake is just suffering as he once did and is developing that same anger and hate that Eclipse once had, and is trying to stop it before Jake becomes a monster as he would in the other universes.
On top of that, Jake didnât deserve to die. Eclipse understood that far more than he realizes. Now, heâs trying to break the laws of life and death to give Jake AND ANDREW another chance to be happy.
He knows itâs possible to give them both a moderate and healthy control, because he did this once beforeâ with Sun and Moon.
ALSO THE CONVERSATIONS GOING ON BETWEEN ECLIPSE AND MONTY?! CAN WE DISCUSS THIS?!
âThe Eclipse I knew never wouldâve stepped in, if anything, he probably wouldâve probably egged me on to smack his head off. So whatâs happening with you, then? Making you change and all thisâŠwell, malarky?â
âI justâŠdidnât want you to hurt âem.â
âThatâs it?â
âI could ask you the same thing, Gator. With you and EarthâŠâ
(1.) MONTY TAKING NOTICE OF ECLIPSEâS CHANGE, THEN MENTIONING IT BACK TO HIM AS THEY COMPARE EACH OTHER AND THEIR ISSUES.
(2.) MONTY ASKING WHATâS GOING ON, AND FOR /ONCE/, ECLIPSE /EXPLAINS/ WHATS GOING ON AND /DOESNâT GET SHIT ON/,HE /DOESNâT/ GET YELLED AT, AND HE /DOESNâT/ GET INTERRUPTED?! AND THEN MONTY /BUILDS/ ON HIS ANSWER TO SHOW THAT HE LISTENED?!?!?! One of the biggest issues with Eclipseâs interactions is that everytime someone asks âwhy are you doing thisâ or âwhat is actually wrong with you, explain itâ, Eclipse TRIES to, and then they SHUT HIM DOWN, PUT WORDS IN HIS MOUTH, AND THEN CALL HIM USELESS AND GIVES HIM ANOTHER REASON TO INVEST IN CEMENT BOOTS AT THE LOCAL LAKE. LIKE WHAAAT!!!!!
(3.) ECLIPSE SHOWING EMPATHY, COMPASSION, AND WORRY FOR STITCHWRAITH. TRAITS WE HAVE /NEVER/ SEEN BEFORE IN THIS MAN!
(4.) MONTY KNOWS ECLIPSE IS HIDING MORE. /I/ KNOW HEâS HIDING MORE. HEâS IN FUCKING DENIAL!!!! IâM IN FUCKING DENIAL!! ECLIPSE AND ME HAVE NEVER STOPPED SHARING BRAINCELLS FOR 2 SECONDS OVER THE COURSE OF 2 YEARS OH MY GOD.
(5.) ECLIPSE,POKING AT THEIR RELATIONSHIP. MENTIONING EARTH. OH MY LORD-ECLIPSE. HOLY BALLS. I love it when Eclipse just MENTIONS Earth and my 32 braincells goes wild in the stadiums watching through my eyes that are watching the screen.
I can unpack SO MANY THINGS FROM JUST ONE QUOTE ITS DRIVING ME INSANE!
No, because when I heard this, I sat up. I fixed my posture. I looked ahead. I was at attention. I was READY. I GAINED CONSCIOUSNESS DUDE.
#sun and moon show#fnaf security breach#tsams#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#five nights at freddy's security breach#eclipse tsams#the security breach show#tsams eclipse#tsams confession#tsams rant#tsams ramble#tsams dissection#teaps#teaps rant#teaps ramble#teaps eclipse#eclipse teaps#monty tsams#tsams monty#the eclipse and puppet show#rant#ramble#dissecting lore
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Hey so uh y'all know this is straight up radfem rhetoric that will do fuck all to actually combat the rise of fascism in this country while putting young people further at risk of being indoctrinated into conservatisim, right? Like this is 100% the basis of political lesbianism and is a direct pipeline to becoming a fucking TERF which is a direct pipeline to holding hands with Nazis, we should NOT be supporting or promoting the idea that the only way for women to be safe is to completely isolate themselves from men, especially in the coming years where unity with our allies, a group which includes men, will be the key to survival for so many people. The state of the world right now is based in part on the rampant spread of individualism and exclusion and distrust, why the hell would perpetuating that help??
Also this alienates women who cannot or will not abandon their connections to men(wanting to marry and love and have sex and children with men is morally neutral) and strips us of our ability to find allyship with marginalized men who are on our side and also will face extreme violence under this new administration. This will cut us off from black men and disabled men and intersex men and queer men and will absolutely be used as justification to completely fucking abandon trans men, who have already been completely abandoned by current mainstream feminism to the point that I cannot go five seconds without someone saying reproductive rights are an issue that only affects women when that is in NO way the case. Basically no one has been including trans mascs/men, nonbinary people, and intersex people in the abortion and birth control discussion this election cycle despite those groups needing just as much help and support on this front and that is a PROBLEM. Like trans men and intersex people who can get pregnant are going to be at a hellish level of risk going forward, infinitely more so than the average cishet perisex woman. We cannot abandon them further.
Plus for some of us marriage will potentially keep us safer or help us escape this country should we need to, I'm disabled and can't work I cannot just move to another country, but if I get married and my fiancé goes first and finds a job that can support us both that will help me. And like you can also get married to a man and still refuse to have kids in protest? Most of the people in our generation aren't having kids anyway? And tbh those of us who want to are not bad people nor should we have to put our entire lives on hold for god knows how long to stick it to the men. We live in hell right now, why the fuck should we be asking people to completely abandon things that could make them happy in a weird form of protest that won't work and is a gateway to being a raging Nazi transphobe??
And on top of all of that this also lets the hundreds of thousands of women who voted for Trump on purpose because they too have bought in to his rhetoric off the hook, which again, is where radical feminism leads because it is fundamentally based on the idea that men are always dangerous and harmful no matter what but women are always innocent brainwashed victims who can do no harm. And writing off men as a lost cause who are evil by nature and thus cannot be saved is also not only radical feminist bullshit, it's legit just conservative "boys will be boys" bullshit with a progressive hat. I am not giving shitty men a free pass to suck forever by pretending they are incapable of change, they can, should, and MUST be held to a higher standard. That is what I mean when I say radical feminisim is a conservative ideology, it doesn't believe a better world is possible because it assumes men will always be evil and should be avoided at all costs which upholds the status quo, it does nothing to actually challenge it.
(And hell, if all that wasn't enough, this is also flawed because the kinds of women who are left leaning enough to consider doing something like this likely already only associate with progressive men, so who are we even punishing here? No woman riding the tradwife MAGA waterslide is going to do this, so the only men who get punished are the good ones who are on our side, which helps who, exactly?? Like christ y'all this falls the fuck apart so fast the second you actually think about it.)
There are men who will be my allies in the coming years and women who will be my enemy. Women are just as capable of being bigoted fascist pieces of shit as men are, this election proved that. We waited for women to save us and most of them fucking didn't. How the hell am I supposed to believe women are inherently safer or better while looking at the breakdown of what demographics voted for Trump. Some of the most vile, traumatizing misogyny and biphobia I have faced in my life was at the hands of other women and some of the most outspoken feminists who work tirelessly to tear apart the patriarchy I know are men. My fiancé, a cis man, legit checked MY toxic masculinity yesterday, I recently came out as butch and have been trying to live up to that by staying as strong as possible right now, and HE had to tell me to knock it off and let myself cry. Gender and sex are not indicators of morality and acting like they are is pure, unadulterated radical feminist bullshit.
We can and should absolutely talk about the rise of alt-right beliefs amongst men in this country, especially young men, but we cannot ignore that young women are buying into that shit too and a lot of it is COMING FROM RADICAL FEMINISTS, I cannot fucking stress enough radical feminism is a direct pipeline to becoming a conservative, the TERF to tadwife waterslide is real and likely WHY so many young women are voting conservatively. The more we concede to this rancid bullshit the more women wander directly into the alt-right's open arms.
The problem isn't men, it's systemic misogyny perpetuated by both men AND women, and also fascism. Don't lose sight of the true enemy.
#current events#us politics#politics#us election#radical feminisim#long post#negative#cw nazi mention
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konig's weakness is you
Intro: konig was a busy man, rarely letting himself rest. years of his high energy lifestyle took a role on him and when he met you? oh you were that perfect trigger, allowing him to relax for the first time in years. he just clicked with you, his missing puzzle piece.
chpt. 1: konig wakes up from another night of perfect sleep, ever since he started dating you he somehow got the best sleep every night. this morning he felt especially energetic and felt the need to thank you in the only way he knew how. stuffing you full of his fat cock. he leans over your sleeping form and wakes you up with kisses, grinding his hardness all over your hips. as soon as you were conscious enough to understand what he was doing he slams into your soaking cunt.
"Meine Liebe~" he hisses, letting out a low hum as he sinks in further. he pauses, feeling your cunt milk him, hearing your sweet sounds, he loved it, he loved you. "tell me how you want it meine Blume" he says, even though he already knew. as soon as you managed to whimper out a barely coherent answer he was ramming into like a jackhammer. he pulls out almost all the way before slamming in again, the sweet and sweaty sound of his balls slapping against your ass as he fucks you wildly fills the cozy room. the metal bed frame creaks loudly with every thrust, he takes note of this and mentally plans to buy a stronger wooden frame for the bed. all he wants is for you to always enjoy his love, and creating a more silent environment would be perfect for that. you could barely hear the soft music coming from the radio hung up on the wall over the loud plapping of konig rutting himself into you and the creaking of the old metal bed frame.
as konig gets closer to his orgasm he lifts his right leg, enabling himself to slip deeper into your sopping cunt. "ja.... ja..... take my cock meine Schwanzschlampe" he moans, causing you to laugh, that was a new word from him. you'd have to look it up later after he was done breeding you like a god damned animal. his hips stutter as he starts to cum, he pauses as he cums hard inside of you. you respond with a harsh orgasm of your own, squirting on him as he finishes his orgasm. the fluid soaking his now sensitive cock makes him whimper. it was always amusing to see your massive boyfriend whimper like a virgin every time he got sensitive.... konig pulls out and lays next to you, cuddling you as he grows soft......
maybe next time you will start the love making?
ââthank you for reading all the way to the end! this is my first fanfiction so if you'd like to see more of this please leave a comment, I definitely would love some recommendations or tips on how to make my writing more captivating! thank you lovely people for readingââ
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