#god this post is so long and so badly written but like. i'm right

[arxxq]

• 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇, 𝐘𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐘 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐘...🌷•

୨⎯ "eyes don't lie, say you're mine?"⎯୧

My first Aventurine x reader post. (also my first hsr imagine post)

Mentions and implied afab/female reader so I apologize for that I will try to make it up by making a gender neutral imagine soon. stellaron hunter reader!! Pure sfw? Fluffy + angst? Mistakes will be corrected once I find the time and energy to reread it. English is not my first language so please keep in mind my usage of words is not advanced and my grammar will have mistakes as well as spelling so bare with me here. Quite long...?

"I hate you..."

Those were the words she always had said to a certain blonde headed IPC executive. She didn't know why she even crossed paths with him in the first place....but unfortunately it was all written in her script that Elio said so.

Like her coworker Sam, her script was also quite brief. Nothing but a few short sentences and it aggravated her so badly.

But lines in her script said she'll break rules one day for a certain man...she scoffed at that fact. "For a man? Really?" She didn't like the idea of so.

But now realising it...maybe that line in her script was for that certain IPC executive.

She hated it. No matter how much she said "I hate you" to him...she always finds herself meeting him all over again. Was she really head over heels for an IPC executive? It made her stomach sick.

"I know you say that all the time," she snapped out of her thoughts when the certain blonde laughed. God that laugh really knows how to make her stomach twirl. "Penny for your thoughts? Or in this case a chip..." Aventurine asks the woman in front while flipping a chip in the air.

"or we could continue gambling though I'd say I would win either way" he always did after all. His good luck is what makes it so unique. "It's fine.." she gave him a short response. "Now hey what's with the cold shoulder?" Aventurine is clearly confused.

The woman sighed looking at her chips. Her gaze then changed moving it to meet his. Now noticing it she saw the beauty in his multi-colored eyes...even if it has no light it still seemed to shine stars to her. She then let out a hitched breath and without thinking she muttered. "Your eyes are pretty..."

Now realising it she cursed in her head...

"I love him..."

"shit I fucking love him..."

"Your eyes are pretty.."

Aventurine's eyes widened in shock. Did he hear that right? The woman who constantly reminded him that he hated her was complimenting him?

"Are you alright you're acting weird," he laughs trying to change the mood but she looked so deep in thought.

He will be honest meeting her a year ago was probably one of the things he still remembers till now. He never expected to cross paths with her either.

"Well if it isn't miss stellaron hunter [name], I never expected to see you here~" the woman in front of him looked at him in utter disgust.

"An IPC executive? You must be under the ten stonehearts then?" Her words were harsh but nonetheless Aventurine was too distracted with the softness of her voice. To him her voice could calm the oceans. It was so soft yet her words were hurtful.

"Ouch [name] I'm hurt, my name is Aventurine of the Ten Stonehearts, senior manager of the strategic investment department in the IPC it's an honour to meet you ma'am,"

That was their first encounter but it seems like he remembers and can recall every single moment they've spent with each other.

Silence engulfed their surroundings, there was no one else there but the two of them. None of them dared to utter a single word. Aventurine gaze lingered on [name] and her words.

"your eyes are pretty..."

Indeed he's gotten compliments that his eyes are pretty, but to him her eyes were much more majestic than his. Sure it never compared to him but he would always get so lost staring at them. As for her beauty that's where he was at first so lost but no he has an answer.

To him she was but a piece of art that can't easily be won through a gamble or any sort of money. She was an artwork that was unfinished yet so astonishingly beautiful that he admired her forever if he wanted to and he would.

He wanted to love her, he did...but he couldn't. It had nothing to do with him being in the IPC but rather his fear of losing her. After all even with his good luck it seems like it has no affect on his loved ones as he lost them once and twice and thrice and he was not willing to lose another one.

It was a gamble indeed and for once he didn't want to take this one...but it was so tempting.

But he couldn't...after all he can't possibly try to love someone else without learning to love himself more.

It was devastating indeed.

"life sent me you, but I can't have you in order to not lose you so soon...."

[name] didn't know what to do...she could tell from afar that the said man never really loved himself...not finding any enjoyment in the things he's doing. He was afraid but he hid under a confident facade.

To her Aventurine was Fragile as a dandelion but yet he was as brave as a wildflower. To her he was just a beautiful boy with such a broken soul yet she loved him. In the start she was in denial but in her script she remembered a line that was long which never was usual...

"Your heart will fall for another, a confident soul yet so broken in denial you will be, you will soon learn to seek for his love. Your heart knows the way so run in that direction no matter the risk and the consequences that will come..."

She now knows what it meant. She loved him and she wished that she could possibly lend her eyes to him so he could see just how spectacular he was in the eyes of someone who was supposedly born with hatred and see the newfangled that dance within her vision when he sees him.

The girl smiled without knowing because in her head she realised that meeting him was destiny's will.

"what chance did I stand against kismet (fate)? Even if I did hate it I don't regret it now...at some point some rules in life really were meant to be broken..."

As for Aventurine the moment he saw her smile...even if it was so small to him it was like a gift from the gods and above. To him she looked like an ethereal yet ghostly angel with a divine smile on her archangel face.

She was like the moon or perhaps the sun? It didn't matter anyways as her beauty was intimidating yet that was the reason she admired her so much. Seeing her smile was the last straw to him. He knew that she lived her life hating on others due to the hate that was given to her...so he wanted to give her a different perspective hoping that it could make her learn that there are some things worth to love

In each of their minds they made a choice...

"maybe just this once..."

"I wouldn't mind gambling my life just so I can love her and this time I'll be sure I won't lose her...so she can learn that there are things in life worth loving..."

"Just this once..."

"I'll adjust the rules and listen to my heart just so I can love him hoping he'll know how amazing he really is..."

There were just two human beings...and sometimes it's never really wrong to listen to your heart and desires no? Because in this life we all live with desires...whether it can be fulfilled or not it was up to destiny to decide.

For these two...I guess you could say that even fate wanted them to love...after all they can't possibly go against that can they?

do not plagiarize my works to any other platform or so...

reblogs and likes are highly appreciated

(feel free to comment and criticise my work nicely so I can improve!!)

a/n: it's quite long since I written something, so it's quite rusty? But if you've read my works before is there any improvement? This is my first hsr creation and it is about aventurine. Ever since I played the quest I got so attached to his lore and he became my favourite. Hope you enjoyed this. I'm not really proud of this work and I'm not sure if it's ooc but if you manage to read it till the end thank you. Have a great day and I hope that to those pulling for Aventurine..you'll get him since he's out in a few hours.

I have 106 pulls saved up wish me luck !

And all the best from me.

Have a great day or night <3

[eldritch-nightmare]

❝ it's not much, but i got you this. ❞

notes: prompt credit. i've never actually fully written anything for cody now that i think about it... i hope i do him nicely!! since it took me literally forever to post this, the other two prompts won't be valentine's base, though i may still use the prompts i chose for them bc. i like them. anyways!! i'm actually actively job hunting right now, which is why i've been so busy lately and haven't had much time to write. but i'll try working on some stuff soon!! for now, i hope you all enjoy this incredibly, very messy and late valentine's day post. thanks for being patient with me guys, it means a lot <3

pairing: x virus x gn!reader

word count: 983.

warnings: established relationship, fluff, cody is awkward as fuck when it comes to romance he's just like me frfr, wrapping paper is his biggest enemy, very mild angst like... a pinch of salt type of angst, cody is a perfectionist but idk if i portrayed that well enough here.

Cody stared at the clumsily wrapped gift placed in front of him, his arms crossed and his brows furrowed as he glared at the gift as if it had scorned him in some way.

And to him, it basically has.

You see, the gift he's been trying to wrap neatly and nicely is something he got for you, his lovely significant other. This is the first Valentine's Day he's spending with you, and while it doesn't have to be perfect, he would at least like to wrap your gift in a way that isn't... ugly.

It's not even that big of a gift. It's just a little bracelet he made in his spare time, so why the hell is it so hard to wrap in the little box he got for it?

He could just ask someone to help him wrap the gift, but that feels... I mean... it feels like that would be cheating? Strangely enough? Like... he made this for you, so he should be the one to wrap it up as well, no matter how annoying and how difficult it was starting to become.

It feels like it'll mean more if he does this himself.

But he's been here for like almost two hours now trying to wrap the box, and it looks so messy and it's covered in tape and honestly, the wrapping paper's color looks uglier and uglier the longer he looks at it and it just doesn't seem good enough for you. It could be so much better.

You deserve so much better. And if he could kill the wrapping paper, he would, truthfully.

Cody silently glares for a moment longer before letting out a sigh in defeat, resting his forehead against the surface of the desk in his workshop and grumbling quietly to himself.

The wrapping paper wins this round, but he'll do better next time.

With a huff, he sits up straight, giving the poorly wrapped box one final glance before grabbing it and standing up. It was time to actually give you the gift. And hope that you don't dump him for his poor wrapping skills. Do people do that? He's not sure. He hopes not. He'd hate for you to dump him.

Oh god, what if you dump him?

"Cody?"

"Fucking hell-" Cody nearly loses grip on the box in his hand when your voice suddenly pops up behind him, startling him so badly that he jumped a bit. He looked strangely similar to a dog that got caught doing something it wasn't meant to be doing.

And judging from the way he had quickly hidden his hands behind his back, awkwardly looking off to the side to avoid eye contact with you, you can't help but wonder if he had maybe done something.

"How long have you been standing there?" He asks, and your brow quirks up slightly at how strangely nervous he sounded. His behavior sort of reminded you of the day he had asked you out.

"Long enough to be concerned about whether or not I need to hide wrapping paper from you in the future." You respond, smiling a bit to yourself when you see Cody relax a bit at the joke you cracked.

"Ha ha. Funny." He blandly responds, though you don't miss the way his lips twitch upwards slightly. You deem your joke a success, even if he behaved otherwise.

"So, you wanna tell me what it is you're hiding behind your back? Or is it another one of your... projects?" You ask, crossing your arms and patiently waiting for his response.

And that made him tense up again.

He doesn't know why he felt so nervous about giving you a gift, poorly wrapped or not. I mean, you're literally dating each other, so he shouldn't get nervous like this, right? But also like, you're the first person he's ever dated and he honestly didn't think it would last this long even if it has only been a few months since he asked you out but still! Still!

He shouldn't be this nervous, honestly.

"Okay, so, like," He cringes slightly at the way his voice cracks a bit as he speaks, "Uhm, you know how it's Valentine's Day, right? I, uh, maybe it's silly but..." He trails off, seemingly debating whether or not he should actually continue before he's suddenly holding out a box in front of you.

It wasn't actually that poorly wrapped. Truthfully, it's way better than anything you could ever do. The wrapping paper was even your favorite color.

You take the box from him, glancing down at it before looking back up at Cody. He simply motioned for you to open the box, so you peel the wrapping paper off and do just that, taking the lid off the box to see the handmade bracelet neatly placed inside.

"It's not much, but I got you this," He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, "I mean, if you don't like it, I can make you something else! I know it's not the best thing in the world, but-"

"I love you."

He falls silent at your words, his nervous rambling cut off as he stares at you. You look up from the bracelet to stare at him, and your expression was so serious and genuine that it almost felt as if the air had been forced out of his lungs.

"Cody, I love you." You repeat.

"Oh," He stutters a bit, "I love you too." His words are a bit quieter compared to yours. It felt awkward saying those words out loud knowing you could actually hear him.

But the smile that bloomed on your face made him forget about all of that, and you nod, satisfied with his response, "Good. Now, help me make you one so we can match."

And who is he to say no to you and matching bracelets?

[pluckyredhead]

We made it, you guys! I'm wrapping up my blitz through all the Fourth World canon. I've already covered the comics of the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, and the 00s, so now let's get into everything post-Flashpoint!

Wonder Woman (2011): I'll be honest: this series is Not Valid, and Orion only shows up as a supporting character for about a dozen issues, so I just skimmed his appearances rather than actually reading the whole volume. Anyway this version of Orion slaps Diana's ass and hits on her relentlessly and isn't even from Apokolips. Highfather is emotionally abusive. No one else from the Fourth World even shows up. Throw it all directly in the trash.

Infinity Man and the Forever People (2014): Genuinely who was asking for a New 52 book about the Forever People (the most optimistic of Kirby's creations) written by Dan DiDio (a man on the record as saying he wanted "to take the smile out of comics")? Shockingly, it's not as bad as I was bracing myself for. I mean, the lore changes are baffling (Darkseid and Highfather are brothers! the Infinity Man is Highfather's conscience and that's why New 52 Highfather's such a dick all the time! Big Bear is from Apokolips and has a secret, angrier face because he's like a bonus Orion now!). And the art rotates through four or five different artists and all of the issues not drawn by Tom Grummett are hideous. But mostly it's just very boring and pointless? Let's all ignore it forever.

Green Lantern/New Gods (2014): Hey, do you remember when Green Lantern was one of DC's most successful franchises and they were publishing five simultaneous GL-related ongoings and they oversaturated the market so badly they could barely keep one GL book going until recently? I'm not saying shit like this is what killed the goose that laid the golden egg, but...I'm not not saying that either. (No seriously, I am genuinely fascinated by whatever the fuck DC did to the Lanterns in the 2000s and 2010s as, like, a publishing cautionary tale, but that's a story for another post.)

This was a three-month crossover across all five GL books - Green Lantern (Hal's book), Green Lantern Corps (John's book), Green Lantern: New Guardians (Kyle's book), Red Lanterns (Guy's book), and Sinestro - plus a New Gods one shot and a GL annual. That's 17 issues that are meant to be read in order to follow the story, and then you can optionally also read the tie-in issues of Infinity Man and the Forever People, which makes a whopping total of 20 issues dedicated to this storyline.

So what was the plot of this grand saga? Uh...Highfather tries to steal all the rings of every Corps like he's the fucking Trix Rabbit or something. The end.

Yeah, it's a mystery what killed the GL publishing juggernaut. 🙄

(Side note: this crossover adds a brand new Original Character Do Not Steal who is from Apokolips and was raised by Highfather and has a Secret Rage Face. After Infinity Man and the Forever People also gave Big Bear a Secret Rage Face. STOP STEALING ORION'S SHIT. You don't need extra bonus Orions, Regular Orion is right there!)

Bug! The Adventures of Forager (2017): This is a very charming, very strange series that isn't in continuity (it was part of the Young Animal imprint) and doesn't really forward the plot of the New Gods in any way, but it's funny and enjoyable. Basically, Forager wakes up after his death in Cosmic Odyssey (29 years prior, for those keeping track) and goes on a time- and reality-hopping adventure in which he interacts with various characters Kirby wrote and drew for DC over the years (although oddly, very few New Gods). It's the sort of series that rewards the long-time comic book reader, but I still enjoyed it even though I was very aware I was missing references. I wouldn't recommend it if you're brand new to comics, though.

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps (2016): Orion's in a couple arcs of this run, and they're pretty fun. Orion's heart gets removed from his body and Kyle keeps him alive with a construct! Hal races Lightray! Orion helps the GLs fight a shit ton of Darkstars! There isn't much in the way of advancing New Gods Lore (TM) here, but this is a pretty good series in general. A fun time!

Mister Miracle (2017): Sigh.

You know, the frustrating thing about this series is that some aspects of it are really good. The art is superb. Some of the humor really lands. Funky Flashman as the Frees' nanny is an utter delight. (The bit where he retells the Galactus Trilogy as "Jake's story" is especially charming.) The subtler take on Granny and the way Scott is still wrestling with her abuse and his complicated feelings about her is heartbreaking. And the big twist, when Darkseid demands baby Jacob in exchange for peace, and Scott's agony over the decision, is utterly wrenching. It's such a good conflict to give Scott, to have him try to wrestle with the decision his own father made and what the right answer is. I even believe King read more than one issue of Mister Miracle (1971) to research this! I mean, he references the Lump. That's a pretty deep cut.

But it's all undercut by his decision to make Orion a villain. King's Orion isn't just brutal and wrongheaded, like some earlier writers have portrayed him - he's a vindictive sadist who craves power and enjoys humiliating someone who, in all previous canon, he eagerly embraced as a brother. He has elaborately cruel plans and enjoys making others know their place - Orion, who is historically as subtle and refined as a two-by-four to the head. He's out of character in basically every possible way.

But this isn't just me being like "How dare you get my blorbo wrong?!" (That's my reaction to King's depiction of Lightray as a simpering toady.) Making Orion a villain, as I have said many times at this point, betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of the Fourth World's central concept, which is, like...not a hard concept to grok. The point of the baby swap isn't to see whether nature or nurture is stronger. It's that both babies grow up to be heroes. It's that good is stronger than evil. And if Orion isn't a hero, the whole thing falls apart. Instead, we get a bleak and fundamentally unbalanced take on the Fourth World that begins with a suicide attempt and ends with Scott resigning himself to a life from which he desperately wants to escape. And again, again, King's pessimism is mistaken for depth because someone else drew it real good.

Anyway I hate this comic, the end.

Justice League Odyssey (2018): The New Gods didn't really have a home base post-Flashpoint, which is why I'm covering so many books that aren't really New Gods books (Wonder Woman, the various GL books), because my crops are dying and I'm desperate for Orion to show up on his little scooter. Anyway this is actually first and foremost a Jessica Cruz book, which isn't really a complaint because I love her. Basically, Cyborg, Starfire, and Azrael (who is pretty OOC and also why is he here??? he doesn't know these people and he can't breathe in space?????) decide to go on an Illegal Space Adventure and Jessica tries to stop them and they all get swept up into an incredibly convoluted plan by Darkseid to turn everyone but Jessica into a NEW New God and take over the universe? Or maybe destroy it? UNCLEAR. Also the last time they all saw Darkseid he was a baby but now he's not anymore. How? UNCLEAR.

Darkseid kills Jessica but it doesn't take because she's the GOAT, but now he's taken control of Vic, Kori, and JPV, so Jessica has to team up with Orion, Blackfire, and Dex-Starr the Red Lantern cat to defeat Darkseid and rescue the others. Overall this book is so unrelentingly high stakes and cosmic that I kind of tuned out. After a while I just hit "we have to save the universe!!!" fatigue. But a huge part of the second half of the series is just Jessica yelling at Orion until he grumpily does what she tells him, and I truly could have read 40 more issues of that. I hope when it was all over he went and pouted at Lightray about how the Green Lantern was SO MEAN to him (he deserved it).

Verdict: Don't bother to read for New Gods continuity, do read if you love Jessica Cruz.

Mister Miracle: The Source of Freedom (2021): This book reintroduces Shilo Norman to the post-Flashpoint universe as a celebrity superhero and escape artist who aggressively protects his secret identity, because his predecessor Thaddeus Brown, who is Black in this series (and presumably going forward), had a public identity and dealt with horrible racism from the public. But his mask is partially torn off when he's attacked by N'vir Free, the daughter of Scott and Barda Free - who Shilo has never heard of. While Shilo tries to figure out who the Frees are and why N'vir thinks he stole her father's legacy, he also discovers that Thaddeus was secretly his grandfather, and has to unpack all of his emotional hangups about his own identity and legacy.

This is a great book for the humans of Kirby's Mister Miracle and a terrible one for the New Gods. Scott and Barda are not only dead, but their memories have been erased from most people's minds. N'vir is an awful character with a stupid name, and also a fascist dictator, which is...a choice for Scott and Barda's kid. (I'm assuming all of this is either taking place in a different universe than the main DCU, or has been retconned away, because Barda is currently appearing in Birds of Prey and is perfectly fine. And perfectly perfect. Please read Birds of Prey.) Orion does show up for a bit and he's great here, but he doesn't remember Scott either, which hurt my heart.

But it's a great book for Shilo, who gets to be a complicated, endearing but flawed protagonist instead of a sidekick who tends to get forgotten for years at a time. I'm a bit torn on having him be related to Thaddeus, since I like the idea of Shilo becoming a hero on his own smarts and spunkiness rather than inheriting it, but it allows for some really beautiful themes about legacy and being proud of where you come from, so it suits the story really well. And Oberon is a delight the whole way through (as always). Overall a good book, but somewhat to the side of the overall New Gods saga.

THE END. We did it, you guys! Now DC please greenlight a new New Gods book, thank you.

(Actually it should be double length and reversible so when you hold it one way it's a New Gods book and when you flip it to the "back" cover it's a Mister Miracle book and the stories intertwine. Do you see the vision???)

[circuitparanoia]

akechi and manipulation

i'm very close to finishing p5r (my first time playing any persona game) but haven't actually finished it yet so take this post lightly and if i get anything wrong pls don't send me death threats

although i would definitely prefer if akechi were alive, i think death is a very satisfying conclusion to his main arc when 3rd semester is taken into account

from what i've concluded, akechi's main arc is about manipulation. not only the manipulation he faced from shido, but also the god of control and joker, as well as his own manipulation of various events and peoples. now, if we don't acknowledge 3rd semester, then yes i do believe his death was a badly written ending for him narrative wise.

but when joker, his rival, his friend, his foil, is given the chance to manipulate akechi's life, he doesn't. his wish is for akechi to be alive, yet he still respect's Akechi's Wish of gaining autonomy of his life, even if that means letting him go. loki evolves after joker makes this decision, which i think is supposed to show akechi's trust in him, as the first and last person who didn't manipulate his life, especially when it was handed to him on a silver platter

akechi chose the peace of death for himself when he could have very easily given into maruki's distorted reality, which is what solidifies my belief that manipulation is the main theme of akechi's character, in my opinion of course. him breaking free from someone else's manipulation, being able to decide for himself his life for the first and last right before his death is a very beautiful ending for him to me

and of course how could i not acknowledge the fact that he desires to play chess with joker after school. he just wants to be a regular teenager, hanging out with friends after school. but the only way he would be able to have that is if he let himself be a puppet once more, for maruki this time, to willingly let himself be manipulated when the golden opportunity to turn his life's purpose around is right in front of him

i have rambled for far too long i love akechi and his narrative and what he represents and i get so so sad when i think about the possibility of someone refusing to understand the nuances and complexities of him in favor of just blindly hating T_T i have more i brainrot about about akechi like his various masks, his bruised heart, his relation to joker and the PTs in general, but i'll save that thinking for when i actually finish playing the game LOL

[randomgooberness]

WHATS UP. SORRY THIS COMIC IS 15 IMAGES LONG LMAO I HAVEN'T USED THE NEW POST EDITOR YET SO THIS IS FORMATTED BADLY. Here's a scene from the hlvraifm au! It takes place not long after the scene where Mind was mean to Gordon about breaking his knee GFDHFDKSJ

THE BASIC CONTEXT HERE IS: Gordon shot at the skeleton that only He Can See, and Mind was already at his breaking point because his withdrawals were setting him off- so nausea with the sudden rage and screaming meant he got sick. He and Gordon have a talk! It doesn't go well(at first)!

If you want to see this conversation resolve itself, the rest is written by me and @shineyfish under the cut! Just read the warnings lol

WARNING: THE REST OF THIS SCENE CONTAINS SOMEONE TAKING DRUGS. IT IS CONTROLLED BUT STILL UNADVISED! It should be obvious but we do NOT condone it LMAO

"Just- just forget about it."

"No, I-! I-I want to know- I want to help-" Gordon said, scooting closer. "And- and you're sick, too- is that what you're mad at me for? That I- that I didn't notice? I-I don't know what even caused it you and I are the only ones who haven't drank the fucking...gross sewage water- but we can- man, I-I'm sure we can take another rest day if we need- or- or I could try to carry you? Dr. Coomer probably could, too-"

Mind was shaking, shuffling backward a little. His eyes were wide as he stared at Gordon, expression filled with fear.

"I'm, I'm good! Get the- back away, please. I need space."

If he wasn't paralyzed with fear he would run. He would run so far from this place, aliens be damned. He needed to get out of here alive. He needed to get out. 

When he said he wanted more answers about him, he didn't mean like this. This just gave him more questions, and made his teeth hurt. 

"I'm just in pain. A lot of fuckin' pain. I can keep going."

Gordon backed up, looking down guiltily. 

"Shit- sorry," he muttered. "...I... I-I dunno if you're...if you've got like, a fever- or how I'd check right now- but-" 

He paused and furrowed his brows. 

"...no...no your suit would treat you for that. Your suit would give you medicine if you got a virus or something- so you're..." 

He blinked, tilting his head the other way now, looking at Mind again. 

"...The fucks going on with you, man?"

Mind’s breath hitched. Shit.

"What are you, a fuckin' cop? Get off my ass about it, I don't need to tell you anything."

He wheezed again, raising his hand to his mouth. God, he felt horrible. Everything ached. He needed something. Pills, morphine, god he will take getting into a fight with someone just for the adrenaline at this point. 

"God I hate this."

Gordon stared at him, worry in his expression before his brows furrowed, and he huffed out his nose, pursing his lips. 

He looked away and opened his mouth to speak, failing a few times in a row, as if he were trying to say something more calm and nice, before looking right back at Mind, lips drawn back in a snarl. 

"You DO need to tell me!" He snapped. "So I can fucking HELP you! You just THREW UP and you expect me not to fucking do anything!?" 

He made an angry, and pained noise, turning his hands towards the ground so they could push him up onto his feet- which made him hiss in pain, but he stood, staring down at Mind with gritted teeth. 

"You're fucking hiding shit and it's setting us back! If you- if you can't trust me how the fuck am I supposed to trust you!?"

That made Mind shut the fuck up. Very suddenly he was Listening Intently, shoulders raised and curling in on himself.

He felt sick again. How his stupid body could even do that to him after already throwing up was a wonder and a curse.

His voice was very quiet when he answered.

"You wanna fuckin know so badly? Fine. I need Oxy, I haven't had pills in days and was banking on the stash I had here, but someone must have fuckin' snitched, cause I couldn't find shit in my locker. Everything hurts and aches, I feel sick and gross and I have had a killer fuckin headache since the stupid rescas even happened."

He growled at Gordon slightly, defensive.

"I wasn't gonna bring shit up because it doesn't matter. I've dealt with withdrawals before, I'm not useless. I know what I'm doing."

Gordon flinched, and blinked at him. 

"...Ohhh. Oh shit-" He said, looking to the ground. "...Ohhh fuck that's- not good! Okay- well, thanks for telling me-" He paused. "...Your suit has morphine, y'know."

Mind's expression withered.

"I am... I am very aware. I'm apparently not in enough pain for it to give me it."

God, he was not having a good time here.

"...Uh," Gordon played with his hands. "...I...look, I-I've never really- gotten the time to look at the blueprints for the HEV suit other than the uh. medical module- mostly so I could uh- know what the fuck it was doing- I...I can see if I can...trick yours into giving you a little? If it'll help?"

Mind yawned again, but his eyes went wide.

"I don't know if I fully trust you to do that."

He weighed his options though, and man he really needed something.

"... Sure."

"...Alright, cool, uh-" 

Gordon moved to scoot closer, before pausing. 

"...Do you still need space, or?"

Mind didn't answer, instead just moving closer to Gordon himself. Being in the same position was starting to kill his muscles.

Gordon sat there, still playing with his hands. 

"...Uh, y-you need to turn around."

He did so without complaint!... Towards Gordon. He was hissing practically the entire time about his joints.

Gordon let out a small, good-natured chuckle. 

"Thanks," he said, before tilting his head at the module. Four screws...

Ideally, he really, really would've liked a screwdriver right now. But he didn't have one. 

...He did have a combat knife he found off of a soldier, though-! 

Twirling it in his hand a few times, he looked at the screws, lined up the tip of it, and made a noise of triumph when it fit! He didn't fucking expect that! Oh my god- why did it-? Nevermind. Didn't matter, he got right to work unscrewing the cover.

"What is that noise for, what did you do-"

Mind was so incredibly uncomfortable with the position he was in. He did not like having potential enemies out of his line of sight, but he couldn't complain about shit or he wasn't getting that sweet sweet relief.

"Nothing- nothing I just- didn't expect the-" Oh, don't tell Mind you had a knife against his back. "Don't worry about it, we're making progress." 

He took off the cover, and if Mind could see him, his eyes would light up a little at the sight. He stuck his tongue out as he focused, trying to be quick for the guy but genuinely fascinated by the machinery. Black Mesa sucked, but the soldiering of the wires was amazing. 

After a few moments, he found a small screen, and an even smaller keypad- annoyingly small. He made a noise of frustration as he decided to use the tip of the knife instead of pressing them with his gloved, giant fingers. 

"Shit...The manual override is locked with a passcode," he muttered. "Uh...Hmm. Okay, gimme a sec, I'm going hackermode."

Mind snorted, trying to keep himself from shaking too much.

"What the fuck do you mean by that-"

"It means I'm trying to crack the damn passcode. Sorry, this might take a WHILE, it- wait what." 

He paused, before letting out a long, long sigh. 

"Was the passcode SERIOUSLY 1234?"

Mind Cackled.

"THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS THE PASSCODE. YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME."

He was in so much pain. And the number holding him back from pain relief was the easiest to guess thing in the world.

"That doesn't even surprise me! Knowing this place, it's probably the code to other things too."

"Let's- lets use that code for everything, now. Fuck it!" Gordon laughed, a grin on his face. 

There was a few rounds of beeping, before he let out a sigh. 

"...Okay, uh- th-the suit uh, has the automatic amount to um- it's automatically a decently high dosage for uh, your weight, I think? It should be the same amount I was given, but uh, I-I'm worried about...it messing with you too much. Are you sure you'll be alright? I can lower the dosage," 

The expression Mind made at the thought of lowering the dosage was something to behold. It took everything in him to be casual about this.

"I can handle it. I don't think this thing accounts for muscle and joint pain, and if it does the threshold is incredibly fuckin high."

"...Okay, man, but uh- let me know if you need me to- I-I dunno. Lemme know if we need to stop for the day cause you feel too fucked up, okay...?" He said. "...Are you ready?"

"Gordon. Please just give me it."

Mind sounded a little out of it.

Gordon stared at him for a moment. 

"...alright man." 

He pressed the confirm button, and watched Mind carefully, making sure he had no adverse reactions.

Mind let out a shaky breath, honest to god about to cry over this. Finally.

It took a minute for the morphine to kick in, but the second that he could feel it he visibly relaxed, pupils dilated. It wasn't as high as his normal dosage for shit like this, but it was close enough to get rid of the pain, and for that alone he was thankful. If he can get through a bit more of Black Mesa without feeling dizzy or sick, he'd be golden.

"Thank you."

Gordon felt himself swallow and looked at the ground. 

"...Right, yeah, of course-" He said. "...Sorry it took me so long to notice you were going through it, man." 

He started to put the cover back on, screwing everything back into place.

" 's fine, wasn't exactly jumping to tell you 'bout it."

Mind seemed... Chiller, honestly. A little disconcerting from his previous demeanor but that's drugs for you. 

He was tapping against the ground now, mostly just to do something with his hands.

"...I can get why. I-I'm a little worried, but I'm not going to judge you, or anything." 

He let out a sigh once the panel was back on, tight as he could get it, and he rubbed at his face. 

"...Are you still mad at me?"

Mind stretched a little, shoulders popping.

"Nnnope. It's just a clip anyway, we'll probably find like... A million more from the military around here."

"Wh- really?? Just like that??" Gordon blinked a few times, tilting his head. Mind turned to face him, a little confused.

"Yeah? Told you, man, 's just the clip I was pissed off about."

"...Okay, that's...alright." He let out a sigh, before struggling to get up again. He grimaced, still not liking walking on that knee. He took a moment to adjust, before stiffening, staring at something behind Mind, who looked over as well, seeing nothing.

After a few moments, Gordon shook his head and whispered something to himself, something about not questioning your own insanity. 

"Let's try to catch up!" He said, eyeing the pipes the others had walked on, and climbing on.

Mind stood up, shaking his hands out a bit as he did. 

He looked at the pipes with a grimace.

"Y' sure you can climb that with your fucked up leg? Don't think the HEV suit can protect you if you fall into the radiation pit."

“I’ll just take it slow,” Gordon huffed. ”Fuck it, right? We’re both drugged up enough, we can figure it out.”

[citrus-moonlight]

I'm 👀 at your WIP list! Can you share more about Wrapped Up in Clover? I love the imagery of the title!

Ahh, hi thank you so much! I'm excited for this one since Alfred is a blorbo I haven't written much for yet and it's been floating around my mind for a long while (since before I even posted the first chapter of "Bringin' Home the Rain").

@eupheme also asked about this one, and I shared an outline of it here, but I wanted to share a little snippet as a bit of a tease, and to encourage myself a bit, since I've only written (or published) for Klaue so far!

WIP ask game

Your mouth finds his again, your kiss growing deeper more quickly now, and you can’t help the rock of your hips that begins to match the slide of your tongue against his. Still sitting back you resist the urge to slide those last few inches forward, to press against what you're growing ever more desperate to feel.

You want to keep kissing him, but eventually you have to pull back to catch a lungful of air.

“Are you alright?” He asks, his voice is low and growing breathless, though the slide of his hands beneath the hem of your shirt is firm and grounding. 

“Yes. God, yes.” You assure him, though you can feel that you're swiftly reaching the end of your tether. The heat of him against the insides of your thighs is intoxicating even through layers of fabric that separate you, the flex of his neck muscles beneath your fingers as he leans in to press another deceptively chaste kiss against your lips has you both floating and aching in his grip. 

“But…Alfred?” 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I think I’m getting to be done with taking it slow. I don’t mean- nothing has to happen tonight. I just...”

You're heart is pounding, it almost seems like he could see the flutter of your ribcage if he looked closely, but It's time to be forthright.

“I want you, Alfred.” You nearly moan, no longer able to hold back the desire in your voice as you finally say the words out loud. "Very, very badly.”

You keep your eyes on his, pleased when his darken at your admission. 

“And if this is as far as it goes for now, for as long as you want, I’m more than ok with that. But I have to tell you that I want you. Whenever you’ll have me.”

A weight seems to lift from your chest now that you said it, and you really are happy with whatever he wants, with whatever he'll give you, but right now something else is also growing very clear to you.

“But for tonight, if this is as far as it's going I’m going to need to stop, because I-”

“No.” 

Alfred's hands grip your hips tight, suddenly tugging you forward, and you gasp when your clothed core finally meets the achingly hard ridge of his cock.

His eyes are a glittering shade of blue you've never seen before, and it makes you shudder as much as the tease of his thick length that he rocks slowly up against you.

“Don’t stop.” 

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

God, I'm sorry for asking about snippets all the time, but they are so good that I can't get them out of my head at all 😅 Could you post a longer fragment, no matter from which chapter?

Lol thank you! Honestly the flashback scenes are way less precious to me since it’s just an expansion on what’s already happened (and I plan on just posting all of them on here at some point) so enjoy the longest flashback I’ve written (so far).

******************************************************************************

Spider’s throat was killing him. He’d spent the majority of the day screaming at Quaritch as he tried and failed to feed him. Thrashed against his restraints and snapped at the man’s hands when he’d attempted to clean smeared food from his face. The effort had exhausted him, his empty stomach growling painfully. But it was worth it to see the frustration in Quaritch’s eyes as he fought to keep the calm facade of a patient parent. After three failed attempts at trying to get Spider to eat, each lasting hours longer than the last, his father had finally given up, leaving Spider in peace.

He stared out his open window, the crisp night breeze caressing his face, the sounds of a forest teeming with life lulling him into a doze. Alone, he could pretend he was on a camping trip with the Sully’s, laying on a blanket between Kiri and Lo’ak, gazing up into an expanse of billions of bright stars. A rare smile graced his face of its own accord as he pictured it, so vividly he could almost hear his friends breathing beside him. “What’cha thinkin’ ‘bout tiger.” Though his voice sounded gentille and incredibly tired, Spider startled his limbs spasming against the restraints.

“Fuck! Can’t you make a noise or something!”

“Sorry kiddo,” Quaritch reached out a hand to cup Spider’s face. Spider tried to maul Quaritch’s hand like an angry guard dog. Quaritch sighed, “you looked so happy there for a second. Made me happy just seein’ y’a smile like that. I was just curious what was goin’ through your head.”

“None of your business! Why are you even here anyway? I thought we were done for the day? Did you sneak in just to stare at me like the fucking creep you are?”

Quaritch hung his tired head, shaking it no, “I have something I wanted to show y’a. I look at it when I’m havin’ a bad day and well…this was a bad day.”

“Wasn’t so great for me either,” Spider said, rattling his chains.

Quaritch ignored him, instead holding up a brown leather book for Spider to see, “This is our family photo album,” Spider’s eyes widened, some of his anger being replaced by the longing he buried deep inside, to see the faces of his biological family. Especially his mother. He instantly wanted to see every last page of the book. But it was in Quaritch’s hold. And he was powerless to look through it himself. “Here,” Quaritch opened it to its first page. Spider looked away. Despite how badly he wanted to see the pictures he would not accept this offering from his tormentor. “These are your grandparents,” Quaritch narrated, “Your mama only had this one picture of her parents. They died when she was young. She bounced around a lot after that.” Spider’s heart bled for his mama. He’d never know how similar their upbringings had been. She was probably watching over him completely devastated.

“These are my folks right here,” Quaritch said, leaning in to try and get Spider to look. “Yeah. My old man there was a mean son of bitch, that’s for sure.”

“Is that where you get it from,” Spider said venomously.

“I’d be a lot nicer if you behaved,” Quaritch shot back, his fatigue getting the better of him. Checking his anger he took a deep breath, moving on, “my mama right here, was the coldest woman you could imagine. I really don’t think she wanted a kid but it was expected of her back then. Drank most days. Yelled a lot. I joined the marines when I turned eighteen and never looked back. I only got these pictures because I was sent their stuff when they finally died. I wanted to throw it all out. But I was seein’ your mama at the time. She convinced me to hold on to at least some of the photos. To not “completely erase them. Even though they were terrible.” That’s what she said.” Out of the corner of his eye Spider could just see the fond little smile on Quaritch’s face as he talked about his late wife, his eyes far away.

Spider squeezed his eyes shut not wanting to see that much love on such a cruel person's face. He heard the rustling of a page being turned. Quaritch continued, a little huff of a chuckle escaping his lips as he took it it, “this was when mama and I started seein’ each other. We couldn’t say we were really datin’. I never took her out or bought her flowers or anything like that. But she’d hang out in my office and take pictures of the two of us when I wasn’t lookin’. I think she did that for blackmail honestly but they’re funny pictures now.” Spider wanted to look, he really did. But he couldn’t. It felt like he’d lose if he did.

“And this here is our wedding picture. The ceremony itself wasn’t much but god did your mama look beautiful…” He wanted to see it. “…This was when we were painting your room. Mama has paint all over her but she’s smilin’ like crazy…” It hurt how bad he wanted to look. “…And this is the day you were born. Happiest day of my life.”

Spider couldn’t stand it. “I don’t want to look at your stupid pictures!” He lied. “Just go away already!” A heavy silence fell between them. For a moment Quaritch just sat there. Spider continued to look away. He heard the soft thud of the book being placed on the bedside table. The creaking of the chair as his father stood from his seat. And then his hands were on him lifting him up into a seated position. Spider groaned, all too used to this now but still incredibly annoyed. “Get the fuck off me!” He screamed and thrashed against his captors' hold, knowing perfectly well by now that it was no use but unwilling to give up fighting. Quaritch sat behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around Spider to restrain him.

“Jesus Miles, calm your ass down already! You're tired. I’m tired. Can’t we just relax and enjoy some family time together.” Spider growled at him. To his surprise Quaritch growled back, holding him even tighter. Something about it made Spider feel small, his struggles momentarily ceasing. His father tucked him under his chin then reached for the photo album, picking up where he left off. “This is the day you were born…”

Spider looked away, closing his eyes tight. Quaritch sighed, bringing his legs up to use as a book stand. He then grabbed Spider by the chin forcing him to turn his head. “Miles…” he said in that now familiar parental tone, “….Open your eyes.”

“Or what? You gonna tape my eyelids open.”

Quaritch sighed, “son what’s the point of keeping up the fight like this? Can’t y’a just let yourself enjoy some time with your old man.”

“Can’t you just get the fuck off me and go away.”

“You know you could benefit from being held more,” Spider snarled, “keep provin’ my point son….”

“Uuuggghhh…what’ll it take to get you to go away!”

“Just look at a few god damn pictures would y’a.” It was Spider’s turn to sigh. It seemed Quaritch’s full proof way of getting Spider to do what he wanted was to dangle the promises of solitude over Spider’s head. And it worked every time. Reluctantly he opened his eyes. There were a few different photographs on the page. His mom holding her little bundle of joy for the first time, her face covered in sweat and looking so incredibly tired and yet her eyes were bright with joy, a large grin of absolute amazement on her lips. Then there was one of his father, his smile more subdued but still, you could see him falling in love with the newborn cradled in his arms. And then there was the picture of all three of them, his mama in bed holding him, his father leaning protective over them both.

Spider said nothing as he took it all in. His father tucked his hair behind his ears then hugged him closer. Spider didn’t make a move to fight him on it, or say a single unkind word, too transfixed by the images of the love he was born into. His father turned the page to dozens of pictures of Spider as a newborn, so small, red and wrinkly. The teens' noses crinkled in disgust, “I was an ugly baby.”

Quaritch shrugged, “everyone is. Babies don’t get cute until around six months. Here….” He flipped forward to show Spider himself at six months old. His father was right. With a little time to grow Spider or “baby Miles” had become an adorable infant, huge sunny smiles in every picture, big curious brown eyes, and the wispy beginnings of platinum blond curls. “….see. You were cute.”

Every picture felt like a punch to the gut but now that he had started he couldn’t stop staring. He just looked so happy. Happier than he could ever remember being, aside from his time with the Sully’s. His parents doted on him in almost every picture looking like they were holding the most precious thing in the world. He guessed to them they were.

After being still for so long his father saw his chance to kiss his son on the temple. Spider felt tears in his eyes but didn’t pull away, slumping further into his fathers hold.

[sinningtamer]

Not sure if you’ve answered this before but what are your favourite fics and ships?

Love all your art btw! <3 Thx for all the food!

i might've years ago, so let's go again! i'm gonna answer this question as only NSFW/kink related, otherwise the list would be way too long haha

alright let's start with the obvious: ParviII is and always will be my #1 one ship, even when I dip in and out of the fandom a lot (i feel the term OTP is super outdated these days? but if there was one ship i could use it with it's them...)

so obviously i'm gonna say Talking Body and Payment and Payback by @sparxwrites. because. you know. how can i not. oh yeah, Good Vibrations is also a classic. hiii sparx, i'm sorry for picking your older fics, i just have such a bias. they've written a ton of great stuff over the years though, so go give the account a peak! there's something for everyone, especially if you like darker stuff.

...speaking of accounts with a lot of content who lurk around here, shoutout to @pawpunkao3. lmpᴇarI is one of my favorite ships, and they're still such a rarepair somehow?? anyways I think about Between Bedrock and a Hard Place at least once a week tbh. A New Religion That'll Bring You To Your Knees is fantastic, and i have a soft spot for I Spy (even tho i didn't watch too much empires). again, another author with a whole arsenal under their belt, so don't just take my word for it and check the rest of his fics!

back to lmpᴇarI being a rarepair... @thatstoomuchsoup has Chicken Soup for the Soulbounds (okay it's more pearI-centric but they're both there) and is another blog that specializes in some of my kinks and these fandoms. same with @anon-teddy's content, gotta give a shoutout to full. this is also making me realize i haven't sought out enough poly S0up Group or GᴇmpuIse/PᴇarIgem fics...maybe i'll get back to you on that...

there's a bunch of good explicit trᴇᴇbark fics, but i said i was gonna keep this list concise, so the only one i'll specifically point to is how to deal with your supernatural lust for blood (and other things) in a completely normal and god-honoring fashion. for...reasons. also because it's good!

edit: oh my GOD i realized two seconds after posting this i completely forget to mention @also-an-art. go read (this is) hungry work and honey don't feed it right fucking now. i've read both of these in full (pun intended) multiple times they're that amazing. it's rare that the plot is just as good as the horniness, when i tell you i lost my mind at some of the development in these. also hot and dirty (like the la air) is a guilty pleasure. AND it introduced me to a song that ended up being #20 on my spotify wrapped LOL (RPF warning on that one! trust me tho)

let's get to my other bias, shall we? RᴛSpiff and RᴛS00t don't....have any explicit fics. nor does poly lᴀds. CMRᴛ does, though! I'm kinda picky about how people characterize them, but play it cool and Every Stumble and Each Misfire are lovely (note that the second one is also blatant RPF! don't say i didn't warn you o7)

speaking of lᴀds, if you follow me on main, you know i got into Bᴀnᴀna Bᴜs Sqᴜᴀd just last year (I'M SORRY, OKAY, DON'T @ ME-) you'd think getting into an old fandom late would mean a ton of great smut fics, right? to be honest, i haven't found many that i care for, but maybe i'm just picky... however, i remember your lips, they're the ones i miss, and smoke in your lungs, your lips on mine are SO GODDAMN GOOD i'm not even mad it's only those two i like because i could reread them 20 times. god. such fun characterization. shame the author orphaned them because i badly wanna read more of their stuff.

this is the part where you go, spirit, do you read anything besides (mᴄ)yt fandoms??? and i go, not really.............well, sort of. i like 0verwatch! and M0icy!! Reciprocity is a delightful PWP long fic. i'm also not really an omegaverse guy, but Water Me has such a good take on it i fell in looove.

okay, i'm gonna cut myself off here, enough though i could probably name dozens of more fics if i sat and thought about it. if anyone i tagged wants to be untagged, feel free to reply here or shoot me an ask/dm!!

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

I Won't Say (I'm in Love)

Written By: Alan Menken & David Zippel

Artist: Susan Egan with Roz Ryan, Cheryl Freeman, Lillias White, Vanéese Y. Thomas & LaChanze for Hercules

Released: 1997

From the 1997 Disney movie Hercules, “I Won’t Say (I’m In Love)” is the movie’s featured love ballad. After a romantic date with Hercules, Meg expresses her conflicting emotions through song (with some back up from the Muses). Hurt before and technically working for Herc’s arch nemesis, this song demonstrates Meg’s reluctance to get into another relationship that (in her mind) can only end badly.

[MEG] If there's a prize for rotten judgment I guess I've already won that No man is worth the aggravation That's ancient history, been there, done that [MUSES, MEG] Who d'you think you're kiddin'? He's the earth and heaven to you Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through you (Oh no) Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel and who you're thinkin' of [MEG] Oh No chance, no way I won't say it, no, no [MUSES] You swoon, you sigh Why deny it? Uh-oh [MEG] It's too cliché I won't say I'm in love [MUSES] Shoo-do, shoo-do, ooh [MEG, with MUSES] I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming, "Get a grip, girl" "Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart out" Oh [MUSES, MEG] You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feeling Baby, we're not buying Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling (Oh no) Face it like a grown-up When ya gonna own up That you got, got, got it bad? [MEG] Whoa No chance, no way I won't say it, no, no [MUSES] Give up, give in Check the grin, you're in love [MEG] This scene won't play I won't say I'm in love [MUSES] You're doin' flips Read our lips, you're in love [MEG, MUSES] You're way off base (Shoo-do, shoo-do) I won't say it (She won't say it, no) Get off my case (Sha-da, sha-da) I won't say it [MUSES] Girl, don't be proud It's okay, you're in love [MEG] Oh At least, out loud I won't say I'm in love [MUSES] Shoo-do, shoo-do, shoo-do, shoo-do Sha-la-la-la-la-la, ah

God Only Knows

Written By: Brian Wilson & Tony Asher

Artist: The Beach Boys

Released: 1966

“God Only Knows” is a song by American rock band The Beach Boys. It is the eighth track on the group’s 11th studio album, Pet Sounds, and one of their most widely recognized songs. “God Only Knows” was composed and produced by Brian Wilson. Tony Asher helped Brian with the lyrics. Carl Wilson sang lead, and Bruce Johnston sang harmony vocals with Brian in the outro. The song broke new ground in many ways. It was one of the first commercial songs to use the word ‘God’ in its title. As producer, Brian Wilson used many unorthodox instruments, including the harpsichord and French horns that are heard in the song’s famous introduction. Although The Beatles engaged in a friendly rivalry with the Beach Boys based on mutual respect, Paul McCartney called this song the best song ever written.

[Verse 1: Carl Wilson] I may not always love you But long as there are stars above you You never need to doubt it I'll make you so sure about it [Refrain: Carl Wilson] God only knows what I'd be without you [Verse 2: Carl Wilson] If you should ever leave me Well, life would still go on, believe me The world could show nothing to me So what good would living do me? [Refrain: Carl Wilson] God only knows what I'd be without you [Interlude: Carl Wilson, Brian Wilson, and Bruce Johnston] Ooh, ooh Do, do, do, do, do, do, do Bow, buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow (Do, do, do, do) Buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow (Do, do, do, do, do, do) Buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow (Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do) [Refrain: Carl Wilson] God only knows what I'd be without you [Verse 3: Carl Wilson] If you should ever leave me Well, life would still go on, believe me The world could show nothing to me So what good would living do me? [Chorus: Carl Wilson] God only knows what I'd be without you [Outro: Carl Wilson with Brian Wilson and Bruce Johnston] God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be) God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows) God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be) God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows) God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be) God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows) God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be) God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows) God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be) God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows)

[danketsuround]

sunday six!

typical monday six for me cause i forgot yesterday was sunday lol i was tagged by @four-white-trees and @overdevelopedglasses woo! thank you! i will tag everyone else i usually tag @c-cw-f-saeko @fire-tempers-steel @futilecombat @passthroughtime (think that's everyone? lmk if u want to be tagged/untagged) (share if you want don't if you don't as usual HI)

sharing something different cause i wasn't feeling well this weekend and i have this written already. little extra thing from two birds that expands on the letters kuwana and reiko wrote to each other. kind of long but i don't like it enough to post so just take the whole thing gosh!

To Kusumoto-san,

How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written yet. I just figured out how this works in the midst of moving around. Ehime is a nice place. Far, temperate. The people in Masaki are a little too friendly. Not sure I could say the same about Matsuyama, though, I guess that's the city to a stranger. It seems silly to say, but I hope you're making some friends, if you can.

When we first drove in, a seagull shat on my car. Right on the windshield! I almost killed us both. I know you just jumped at the thought, but we're really okay. Mitsuru made fun at me for getting so startled. He's a good kid. He's a lot like you and nothing like me. Thank God. Despite our differences I think we're getting along.

We came to Matsuyama for a bit. We wanted to pop in and see you but they told us it doesn't work that way. That day it really hit that you were in prison, and not just away on a terrible vacation. I guess I'll never get over missing you. It really upset Mitsuru, so I took him to do tourist stuff instead. It was nice because a lot of people visit those areas, so the wheelchair wasn't really a problem like it is on these gravely rural roads. We met the mascot, Mikyan, and took a picture with him. I'm sure it fell out when you tore open this envelope. Did you know Ehime is famous for its mandarins? They really won't let you forget it! The photo was just going to be of Mitsuru, but this lady behind me said she could take a photo of the both of us, and I got too shy to say no. I'd never do that! Maybe I'm a changed man after all. Anyways, you have the both of us now—though it wasn't like you didn't before.

Mitsuru gave me a haircut. I look ridiculous. You can see it in the photo, right? I would have done a better job blindfolded, but he seemed proud of it, so I kept it. His hair looks pretty choppy now, but not out of revenge. I just suck at cutting hair. Did I tell you that he's trying to get his high school diploma? What a dedicated young man you've raised. I technically still have my teaching license, so I've been helping. Feels good. It's weird. Whenever I help him, I remember why I became a teacher in the first place. Ironic, isn't it? I want to tell you everything but I'll save it for the next time we see you. I'm sorry for cutting it so short, but I have a favor to ask you.

The nurses in Ijincho explained a bunch of stuff to me about Mitsuru's condition and printed it out. It's expectedly massive. Sorry to be a pain, but would you mind taking a look at it and tell me what to do? Advice? I can't make sense of it all. Or maybe I refuse to believe it. Is he really hurt so badly? What does he think of all this? I wonder about it. I wonder about it a lot. He seems fine, but then I look at all his X-rays and blood tests and I don't know what to think. How do I get him too eat? To grab things? To smile? I'm taking it one step at a time, but these technical terms are a big hurdle. You can read it, right? You've always been so much smarter than me. I'm sorry again. I'm lost. Thank you. I'm running out of room. They've got a limit on paper for prison letters. Seems strict.

Mitsuru wanted to say:

M iSsyou Mo M

- Mi Tsu ru

He's got a damn strong grip on his pencil. You'd be proud.

Until then,

Yu

Kitakata,

It's good to finally hear from you. I'm doing as well as I can. You seem to be the same. I checked a map of Masaki to try and place you two. It seems like a nice town. Are you getting used to the short buildings and the little beach?

I've been friendly with some of the other inmates, and the seagulls here do the same, but I've been safer than you.

I got your picture. How cute. Your haircut isn't so bad, he did a good job.

I looked at the documents. I know what you mean. I expect you already know to use the feeding tube and how to bathe him. It's not surprising he did not respond well to the catheter. I wouldn't either.

Firstly, Mitsuru has anterograde amnesia. That means he has a very difficult time forming short term memory, even if his long term memory is intact. Remember when you told me he didn't know your name, even though you told him earlier? That's why. I'm not sure why he doesn't remember your face from before. I suppose that's a fortunate mystery. You may have noticed the nurses doing this, but if you tell him the same things over and over again, he'll have an easier time forming new memories. He knows what to call you now because you said it so many times. I'm sure he knows I'm in prison because the nurses told him many times, too. That's what I get.

I'm sure you're well aware of his mental health. He seems to go up and down a lot, I bet. Like his body, his brain is suck at seventeen. Doesn't he seem so... frozen in time to you? He's like an old doll, destined to be a kid forever. I'd be jealous if that was the end of it. The nurses observed that he sometimes behaves like a much younger child. Have you seen him suck his thumb? Does he tug at you when he wants your attention? Hug you at night? It's an acute stress response. He's defending his body from his mind—that's what that means.

Lastly, his food. It's not very difficult to do. Steam it for thirty minutes. If you lose track of time and think you've cooked it for too long, add another ten minutes. I did that when he was little. He hated vegetables until they weren't shaped much like vegetables anymore. He'd swallow his food whole to hurry up and play outside again, so boil it thoroughly. It should be the consistency of chewed gum or silt. Try it yourself, add salt if you hate it. He doesn't like broccoli. No broccoli. Like everything else, he's still relearning how to chew. Don't push him. He’s sensitive. You know that already, just like you know how to do all this other stuff. You have good intuition, and great memory, and it helps that Mitsuru seems to love you. Even still, don't push him. No broccoli. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't expect me to say anything else, I'll see you soon.

Kusumoto Reiko

[optiwashere]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @amorficzna last week to share whatever I'm working on. I'll tag... @siyurikspakvariisis and @grousebrood if y'all have anything you're willing to share! Anyone that sees this and feels like doing it can consider themselves tagged by me.

I don't have a WIP I can share prose-wise, so instead here's a wall of Asheera character notes! My love and light, my weirdo who likes objectively bad poetry.

This is basically written to be notes for me, so it's like a behind the scenes more than anything. Also, the second chunk of this relates to a post I made last week, so CW: Character death.

Asheera's age as of BG3: 32 (33? She was 35 in old notes last I checked, but that was 14th century DR and for a 3.5e game so her age is kinda up in the air at this point)

Height: 6'7" (~201cm)

Weight: around 260lbs. (~118kg)

Eye color: Brown (described as ruddy brown, like darker red clay)

Hair color: Black with faint blue streaks (not dyed, a fun lil extra happenstance from her Gondian transition)

Dialogue snippets from Asheera when talking to others about Shadowheart:

To Zevlor. "Do you remember what it was like to take your oath? How you felt suddenly right, and whole, and everything made sense? Don't get all puppy eyes at me about it, but yeah... it's like that with her." (author's note: from Zevlor's perspective, Asheera is explaining a relationship in a way that finally makes sense to him. She should be speaking slowly, as if to savor the words.)

To Aylin. "Oh, she's stolen her fair share of things, perhaps killed a person or two in the name of her former Dark Lady, but aren't we all monsters in our own way? A little redemption never hurt." (author's note: Asheera is an Oath of Redemption paladin in canon but in-game I couldn't pick it; she is explaining to Aylin how their relationship ever started. Asheera is trying to joke, badly, and it doesn't really work on Aylin. Probably followed by Aylin trying to rationalize all her evil deeds as necessary to find Selûne.)

To Isobel. "Is she devout? Eh, that's a question for her. I know she keeps little trinkets of the Moonmaiden around. I've made some for her, too. But if you're expecting her to join you in prayer or something, I'd temper that." (author's note: Isobel is excited to hear about Shadowheart's Selûnite worship. She is decidedly less excited after this conversation. Asheera finds this hilarious, and Isobel probably chides her for it.)

To Rolan. "No, listen. She didn't steal your books. Why would she want them? It's all magic gobbledygook anyways, what use would she have for them?" [back and forth] "And? I love her, but I wouldn't just lie to your face about her. I've an oath to uphold." (author's note: someone stole books from Sorcerous Sundries, and Rolan is somehow convinced it was Shadowheart. He trusts Asheera, but still thinks she's lying.)

To Gale. "I can't believe you haven't had Shadowheart over for dinner yet, especially since I was already coming." [Gale explains he has, but Tara was unhappy afterwards and it's been a whole thing.] "Oh? Didn't Tara like her? And why didn't she tell me she was here?" [Gale, after rambling for a long while on the meal he cooked for them all, explains that Shadowheart called Tara a cat. Not once, but twice. The second was accidental.] "Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, no. That makes sense. Gods, I can't wait to ask her about tressyms when I get home." (author's note: Asheera should be just about bouncing on her seat with this information. Razzing a supposed once-master Sharran spy for social faux pas is way too much fun.)

To Astarion. "I wish she'd join us for these chats. I know she misses you terribly, even if she won't admit it." [Astarion makes a snide remark about how he doesn't miss Shadowheart.] "Whatever you say, but I'll remember that next time you ask how she's doing." (author's note: apparently Astarion and Asheera hang out often? Again, Asheera is an Oath of Redemption paladin, so redeeming a vampire spawn is like crack for her.)

To Karlach, should they ever meet again. "OK, OK. You're crushing me." [Karlach finally lets go of Asheera after a bone-breaking hug.] "She's coming, the whole ritual exhausted her and she needed a rest while you two came back." [Karlach razzes Asheera hardcore about her "tiring out" Shadowheart.] "I did learn that magic circles require all sorts of interesting components..." (author's note: this would be whatever the fuck would lead to Karlach and Wyll being pulled back from the Hells to have a normal, happy existence on the Material Plane.)

To Wyll, same as Karlach. "I wouldn't worry about Shadowheart." [Wyll says something to the tune of stinking like the Hells because of all the time he's spent fighting alongside Karlach.] "Seriously, I don't think Selûne is going to demand she pester you about it. She's not Isobel Thorm. Let's go celebrate, you've nothing to fret over! Seriously." (author's note: essentially, Wyll is even more worried about losing himself similarly to how he talks about not feeling like he can be the heroic figure he wants to be as in-game. If it's from his POV, he doesn't believe Asheera. He goes with her to celebrate with Karlach and Shadowheart, but he should be distant and withdrawn.)

To Lae'zel, same as the last two. N/A (author's note: they wouldn't talk about Shadowheart. Asheera & Lae'zel are on respectful terms, not friendly ones. Pretty much they'd only talk about how beating Vlaakith's ass is going. Fuck the Lich-Queen.)

Age of death: 94; extended lifespan due to the way Gond "rebuilt" her for her divine transition/gender affirmation. (I headcanon Shadowheart as early fifties, so she would be early 110s when this happens)

Dialogue snippets from Shadowheart after Asheera passes. A lot of this is melodramatic because I love melodrama:

“I lived fifty years without her before, I can manage it again.” (author’s note: she is lying poorly to whoever she’s speaking to with this line. Anyone remotely insightful should see this.)

“Sixty good years. Sixty-one and eleven months we had, when some have a fraction of that or never find it whatsoever. If ever there was a woman that could make those years feel effortless, it was her. But now it’s only the road and the care of strangers and their pets and livestock for me. It’s a quiet life, and I like it.” (author’s note: Shadowheart seems to lose herself, fall into herself when she’s talking about how long they were together. Logical brain trying to hide her broken heart. Whoever is hearing this should realize that Shadowheart has those years practically memorized. Memories are so important to someone who didn't use to have them before. When she speaks about her current life, she does seem content if cold. It’s different, and she is alone, but she’s happy with doing good, simple work. Pressing the matter of loneliness will just make her annoyed/angry/generally upset.)

“It was the thirteenth day of Eleint, 1554 by... by Dale Reckoning when she left me. No, that’s wrong. She didn’t leave me. That was the day she was taken from me. I couldn’t move her until the nineteenth, and I slept almost not at all. She’s buried near the sea, by where we lived together. I thought she'd want to be by her parents, but no. She wanted what she wanted, and I couldn't deny her anything. Ever. I visit whenever I pass by. I'm due for a visit with her youngest brother.” (author’s note: Shadowheart is clearly broken by this, but she must soldier on regardless. Wistful. Listener/reader gets the sense that Shadowheart always "just so happens to" pass by. Whoever is hearing this dialogue cannot comfort her at all about this, and trying to do so will make her very angry. She's been through this for decades by this point, she can't go through it again.)

If I were to tag this like a fic, it would have the "Angst with Happy Ending" tag. Interpret that however you wish until I make a fic about this.

[bleachbleachbleach]

9/24/2023

WOW HAHA the last two weeks have involved many things, some of which were really upsetting!! And irrespective of those, I am so tired! So very tired! And I wanted so very badly to give myself writing time this weekend; that desire is what kept me pushing through and working and working, but seeing as it is 10pm on Sunday and I remain extremely behind on work, I was unable to make this happen. But due to losing the will to live and procrastinating, I did organize the tea cabinet, the pantry, and the car emergency kit, and went to Costco, so not a total loss. And I did catch up on many Tumblr posts I wanted to write tags for, which was very nice. And just now, I wrote down some shower thoughts for the fic that would follow the WIP I'm writing now!

There isn't really an "intentional" sequel, in the sense that I've planned for there to be a written-out fic after my current WIP and have committed to writing it. It's mostly "scene bleed stuff I know exists in the universe of this fic but is not actually IN this fic." The notes I wrote tonight ended up getting a bit more specific, though. They also feel incredibly campy, so we'll see if that ever ends up being exciting to me, but I WILL say that Rukia's storyline in the would-be sequel would make Kira's having a chapter in my current WIP make a lot more sense. How Rukia's and Kira's storylines would connect practically in addition to thematically, god only knows. XP It's also very unclear to me who the primary characters would be in such a fic. There's a version of this post-WIP that is narrated solely by Hinamori and Matsumoto, though if Rukia has one of the main storylines that's not going to make any sense unless they all suddenly become much better friends. Which (and not I'm just free associating right here as I type this post) could be kind of fun, if the three of them were narrators. I don't know if I'd want it to be a straightforward adventure plot like this one is, or something weirder, though.

Before I decided I wanted to write a reasonably straightforward adventure story, there was a version of my current WIP where instead of 8 characters telling sequential parts of a long story, 8 characters told the entirety of the story eight times over--except it was never actually the same story because their experiences/foci were so different. I don't think that specific conceit would make sense for a Matsumoto Hinamori Rukia story, but feel like I could get behind some kind of other weird thing for them.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER

THAT IS SO FAR INTO THE HYPOTHETICAL FUTURE

IT LITERALLY DOESN'T MATTER

FIRST THINGS FIRST

I'm going to try again this week. Work on Renji chapter. Wednesday night, maybe? Friday night, maybe? Sunday, I hope!!

[hikennosabo]

trimax vol 8 random thoughts

i feel like i'm still emotionally caught up in volume 7 lmao... but we march on! mercifully i have less to say about this one than the previous volume, but this still turned out pretty long lol. maybe i should split my posts up more...

chapter 1:

the cross in the foreground of the title page... lmao. subtle storytelling techniques.

we know legato's skill is controlling someone else's body, we've seen him do it before. however. i've been rewatching bits of stampede here and there, in which his power is more like... idk, general application telekinesis? for example, he uses his power to affect the engine on the sandsteamer. it's not that important i suppose but it's a change i'm wondering about.

this has me wondering. what's the relationship like between humans and plants on earth? it's been brought up a few times that humans stripped the earth of its resources. so is it just as exploitative? ...does knives plan on "saving" the plants on earth, too...?

meanwhile, wolfwood... wait a sec, is this...? --IT IS!!!

THE RETURN OF WOLFWOOD'S STUBBLE!!! THANK GOD!!!

...ahem. i mean, the poor man looks exhausted and miserable. but fr i missed his stubble so much, i was sad when he showed up clean shaven way back in trimax vol 1 lol.

...aaaand then the stubble is absent again. glad to have that one panel though.

okay, wolfwood intermission over, back to the conversation between vash and knives. everyone's already said so much about it already, and i've already gone over some parts of it, so i don't think i'm really adding anything here... but i want to talk about some aspects of it that didn't really fit into my other post.

i touched on this in my volume 7 post. vash wants to wait, knives doesn't. and this is interesting to me, because... knives isn't actually wrong here? we saw the Last Run along with knives, we've seen how badly plants are treated. vash answering "that's the way it is" seems, i don't know... passive? like, knives's actions aren't GOOD, but i think his sense of urgency is a little warranted compared to vash just wanting to... wait it out?

and as we know, the reason why humans were trying to emigrate to a new planet in the first place was BECAUSE their resources on earth had run dry. so knives isn't really wrong about that either.

also, the page has already been posted a million times, so i won't repost it again, and also i've already said this, but vash getting so emotional at the mention of tesla that he breaks out of legato's control is crazy. he already fought against legato's control to crawl his way to knives and it wasn't even the full extent of his will.

also "don't you turn away from me, knives!" ...i'm repeating myself atp but god. he just sees right through him, doesn't he.

his ass is not listening at all. knives, honey, he's saying YOU need to look inward!!! vash can see right through you and he's telling you that you failed at truly facing your pain!!! BUT YOUR ASS IS NOT LISTENING!!

chapter 2:

and we're here with livio and wolfwood... livio's mouth doesn't really open when he talks so i can't tell when he's the one talking lol. he... didn't really say much in stampede.

livio is huge, what the hell! why'd they twinkify him so much in stampede!

i must say, so far i haven't met a trigun character that i didn't like. (aside from like, random unimportant one-off villains that i don't care about.) but i like everyone who's been important/recurring. even characters like legato and knives, with all they've done wrong, all of their genuinely heinous actions, i still love them. i get emotional about them and think they're well-written and interesting to think about. that being said... chapel is kinda pissing me off lmao.

^ men will literally do... whatever this is instead of going to therapy.

(also this page is giving sephiroth vibes lol... this isn't the first and won't be the last time i will make this comparison. he IS a very sephiroth-like character.)

the chaos and destruction?! THIS IS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST HELP, ALL THIS AND A SEVEN MONTH TIMESKIP??

OH, WHAT A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES!! i didn't realize how much i missed them until they showed up... :') and yay, luida's here too!

chapter 3:

oh, even brad is back!! :) (i recently rewatched the episode of 98 where he DIES... crossing my fingers he makes it to the end of the manga lol)

meryl... ough :( i wish we could've seen her grapple with and work through all the trauma, talk with milly about it, etc... on top of having to face the sudden apocalypse... gal's been through so much. and she hasn't been able to talk with vash about what happened, the last time they saw each other was... well, it was a rough parting, to say the least. we didn't see her journey but we see her here, on the other side. more tired than before but still moving forward, able to talk honestly about the trauma she faced, and doing what she can to help people. she is so... cool.

also knives keeps making people just Vanish Outright like what is he doing exactly? eating them?? (<- this is a joke but actually.)

the plant memory... knives was brought to his knees by it. and his expression... ough

KNIVES BREAKDOWN.... 2!!!!!!

two breakdowns in two volumes... uaaagh, the effect of his face splitting apart is so GOOD. although i can't tell if the plants are deliberately showing him this, or if it's more of a side effect from absorbing so many...

and yeah, thinking about ordinary people, of course they wouldn't be the ones abusing plants. they don't have the power or authority to do so, especially not at a large scale. but knives doesn't see that - or hasn't seen it until now, rather - and thinks all humans are the same. so the real solution is to dismantle the structures that allow for plant abuse.

ELENDIRA MY BELOVED!! SHE'S SO COOL <333

also i LOVE the image of ww and legato that we end the chapter on. ww gets so many cool compositions, man.

chapter 4:

OUAGH, I LOVE WOLFWOOD. legato i love you baby but you deserved to get shot. also vash using his angel arm to escape...!! i mean, it's not like he has any other weapons he CAN use, but it's still... new to see him willingly using it like this.

I LOVE THE COMPOSITION HERE!!! IT'S SO GOOD!!! the "amen" shaped like a cross? INSANE... and livio's face being in shadow so we only see the skull mask... this panel is SO good

i don't have that much to say about the fight... it's painful to watch. i already know ww and livio's history from stampede, and i don't know how much more of it we're going to get here in the manga, but juxtaposing scenes of young livio against his current self is... all we really need to know. and i love wolfwood's prayer so much, it's just... so sincere and desperate.

i'm absolutely flabbergasted by the level of vashwood. everything about this is so fucking romantic, holy shit.

like. just the act of shielding ww is romantic in and of itself, but. also the fact that he answered ww's prayer. and that vash has been so afraid of his own power, which he's now using to protect... ugh. and their brief banter on the page directly after this is so good.

AND THIS IS JUST. SO GOOD. vash doesn't care about his own life, but HE CARES ABOUT WOLFWOOD!! SO MUCH!! oooggghh THE VASHWOOD OF IT ALL!!!

and then he uses his angel arm again, and it's the fanciest it's ever been... powered up with love... he has full control over it now.

but also, i already talked about this line in my other post, but knives begging vash not to go and saying "we only have each other"...i only talked about knives's feelings in that post - it's true for him. he only has vash. but vash has other people who he loves and who love him. and that love is why vash is doing what he's doing right now. maybe it's what knives was reacting to, when he touched vash with his feather... he realized he couldn't make vash stay. and that's why the end of the chapter says "it's over." just put me in the microwave already. ugh. i should've put this in my other post but i'm having Revelations in real time as i write lmao.

chapter 5:

oh hey! this is the first appearance of the little glass vial (a little glass vial? A LITTLE GLASS VIAL!!) that tristamp ww was constantly drinking from! aka the biggest death flag known to man. i was wondering when we'd see them.

also, ww is finally being honest and telling vash about himself...! :') it's all stuff i already knew from watching stampede, but still... it's rough. and the way stamp adapted it made it even more horrific and grotesque. ww looks, idk, around 14 or so? he was robbed of some pretty important years... i think his mind has more or less caught up to his body by now, but even if he wasn't a victim of experimentation, his childhood would've been cut short either way. it was already cut short the moment he was given a gun...

JUST HOW MANY WW DEATH FAKEOUTS ARE THERE GONNA BE. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH THEM. two within a few pages of each other... is anyone keeping a tally?

VASH BLANKIE MODE!!! he even has slippies on... :') he's cozy

also wolfwood burrito :')

AND OH, MARLON'S BACK TOO!! i didn't expect to see him again, i'm just as happy as vash that he's here, lol. so many old characters coming back! and oh, meryl... :') they haven't seen each other since that day, and maybe vash thought she never wanted to see him again... this small gesture of hers was a massive relief to him. no words needed.

chapter 6:

okay since this is a spinoff/bonus chapter how are we counting the numeration. is this chapter 51. the trigun wiki says it's 50.5 but i know the wiki sucks ass so... (not like it matters...)

simple yet effective way of telling us roughly when this takes place - this was before he met vash. i love how this is where he got his "priest" schtick from, just... rolling with maylene's assumption and then carrying on with it lol.

this just hurts, especially coming right after ww's flashback. his life was put on rails the moment EoM took him.

ALSO BABY WW SOOOOOOOO CUTE

MY SON

ehhh... i don't really have that much to say about this chapter that hasn't been said already... it's an interesting look at ww pre-vash. and the villain is annoying lol

there's a lot that can be said of this chapter and ww's views on freedom, and i think other people have already done that better than me. but this panel sums up his priorities very concisely. no regard for his own wishes, doing as he's told, going "quietly" along... it's better inside the cage.

ummmm. i'm not ready for volume 9.

[whatisurspaghettipolicy]

Okay here we go, sublimating all sideblogs into One Blog to Rule Them All.

Hi there. This is an intro post.

I live in London and I am an adult who is very tired and has a borderline criminal relationship with potatoes. I speak English and Korean. I speak Welsh too, but very badly. I like podcasts, TTRPGs, 8hr video essays on video game lore/the Byzantine empire, and mythology/early literature. I am very scared of mushrooms.

I like to write. I post the fanfiction that I write over here.

You can ask me anything here.

Here are some things I have written that you might like:

Baldur's Gate 3

Something in the Static - E

The lanceboard of the gods is set; the pieces laid out. The world will be toppled; the cult of the Absolute will win.

Or it would win, if a discarded piece had not been returned to the board...

Years after fleeing demons in the underdark, a very dead paladin has woken up with a tadpole in her eye, a gaggle of party members who don't realise they shouldn't listen to her yet, and several unanswered questions in her head.

And Shadowheart wonders why nobody else seems to realise that their new leader can't go five minutes without lying.

[Tav/Shadowheart]

Themes: humour, queer found family, what is morality?, can evil gay nepobabies be redeemed?, recovery from abusive power dynamics, religion as a tool of violence

Playlist: lots of Hozier

Standout comment:

I don't know if this makes sense, but this chapter has the inherent eroticism of Orpheus looking back.

The Locked Tomb

Lord Send Me a Mechanic If I'm Not Beyond Repair - T

The last gasps of a dying people who do not know they are dying.

(In the last days before the end, as you scroll through your phone and never realise it is ending.)

Themes: humour, existential dread, i had to take a screenshot of the daily mail for this pls be nice, gay little streamers

Standout comment:

This was terrifying, thanks

The Owl House

Cardinal Song - The Owl House - G

As the dust settles, Hunter finds himself struggling at the reveal of Luz's new palisman.

But someone else knows what he's going through.

Themes: grief, my lil experimental phase

Standout comment:

First of all, how dare you?

Heir to the Jedi - T

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

As a dark empire's shadow stretches over the galaxy, Luz Noceda, a Force-sensitive mechanic is picked up by Jedi-in-hiding Eda Clawthorne. Knowing that rebuilding the Jedi order may save the universe, Luz finds herself on a collision path with the emperor and his dark forces. She can save the rebellion and save the dream...if she can find them.

[lumity]

Themes: the star wars eu is good actually, i would write a very expensive star wars trilogy, can evil gay nepobabies be redeemed?, grief, what is morality?, queer found family, PTSD

Playlist: lots of female vocalists

Standout comment:

Oh no. The urge to make this fic my whole personality rises

Heart Streamer - G

When the Gravesfield Rainbow Society starts a fundraising drive, Luz agrees to run a 24hr stream of obscure '90s GameBoy Game Azura Staff of Light Quest: Radiant Monsters. The twist? The AI will be controlled by another player and she's got just the right person in mind: mysterious Azura streamer WitchChick128.

When the chips are down, will Luz's free-thinking ways help set another person free? Will the Gravesfield Rainbow Society make enough money to host at least one panel on LGBTQ rights this year? And just what other fundraising shenanigans will Gravesfield be subject to?

[lumity]

Themes: humour, queer found family, gay little streamers

Standout comment:

Poggers AU!

Golden - T

When self-assured teen Luz Noceda finds herself in the Boiling Isles, she knows she's got a lot to contend with. Luckily, she's got friends to light the way!

Even if one of those friends is the ward of the Emperor himself.

[lumity]

Themes: queer found family, can evil gay nepobabies be redeemed?, religion as a tool of violence, grief, PTSD

Standout comment:

I had to walk to the opposite end of my house so I didn't try to strangle Odalia through my phone, holy shit.

Make My Home Inside Your Heart - G

It's been ten years since Luz came through the portal. Now she and Amity are expecting their first child. And Odalia wants to throw a little baby shower.

What could go wrong?

[lumity]

Themes: queer found family, anxieties, one day i will be a better parent than my mom, PTSD

Standout comment:

I needed something soft and by gods I found it

Dimension 20: Fantasy High

Gilear, Inc - G

Gilear attempts to set up his own side hustle. The Bad Kids help.

Themes: one big bad kids family

Standout comment:

perfect blend of heartwarming characters and ridiculous goofs

Captain America

Class Pass - G

Sam buys Steve a class pass. Steve tries out some martial arts he didn't have in the 1940s.

Themes: steve rogers as a vessel through which i could channel my hyperfocus on mma

I Could Do This All Day - M

Bucky takes care of pre-serum Steve after an attempt at sex doesn't work out so well.

[stucky]

Themes: im very bad at writing gay man sex but by god i will for stucky

Life is Strange

Welcome Home - Life is Strange - E

"Okay Max, the next entry in her journal started. So you want to fuck your best friend." | Post bae over bay ending, Max finds herself in need of Chloe.

[pricefield]

Themes: voyeurism, comfort

Borderlands

Sleep - G

After being freed by Lilith, Athena can't (or won't) sleep. Janey has the answer.

[jathena]

Themes: comfort, PTSD

ok i love u bye

[salsedine]

Per l'ask game propongo Solas e Anders di Dragon Age

Ps ho schiacciato sul blog sbagliato e ho mandato un ask per sbaglio all'op voglio morire

Hello e grazie mille per l'ask! Credo che l'op non se la prenderà, ci sono ask decisamente peggiori in questi lidi 🙈 E se può consolare, una volta Tumblr ha glitchato di brutto inviando un mio messaggio critico verso uno show molto popolare ad un blog iper fan del suddetto show. Capisco l'ansia!

Daje now we'll switch to badly written English.

Solas: I wish I could say something, but I still haven't played DAI 🙈 (and i don't even know if I'll be able to without melting my laptop). However, from posts and fanarts I deduced that he is some kind of old god/trickster archetype/the dreadwolf thingy that wants to destroy the world. Interesting!

And a fun fact. For... quite some time I used to think that Solavellan was the name of an actual character. In my defence, it sounds legit for a fantasy setting.

Now, let's move on to the character that will make people stop talking to me lol. Under the read more because I'm on mobile and have no idea how long this is going to be.

* First impression: hello fun guy that hates the chantry and is obsessed with cats, I like your earring! Oh you refused to speak and ran away multiple times so... they left you a year in solitary confinement?? Oh and then your ex/first love is illegally magically lobotomized as a threat against you? WTF WTF WTF.

* Impression now: I pretty much like all the characters, but he really grew on me. I find him very interesting and compelling, BUT I also want to hit him with a brick for every bitchy/condescending/hypocrite comment towards Fenris or Merrill. I also suspect that with him the writers tried to portray mental illness or something similar? I think I read something somewhere.

* Unpopular opinionS: ehhh, here we go. It's called "the last straw" and not "I'm going to commit a political assassination at the first inconvenience" for a reason. I agree that it could have been handled differently (with more time- this game definitely deserved more development time), but it wasn't on a whim, nor I see it as some grand machination that he planned for years. It's a very desperate act that was preceded by years of activism and trying to find a compromise. A compromise that it is impossible to reach, imho, because compromises in order to work need good faith and/or some kind of leverage. Mages have no leverage and Meredith (and Elthina too) have no good faith. Meredith explicitly wanted an excuse to kill them all, and the right of annulment has been sent for... how can you compromise with someone that considers your existence a mistake to correct? I can see that it's a political situation that would have required more nuance than what the game had time to provide - but overall I think it's pretty clear why he did it.

* Favourite moment: The "hello Varric, take my mother's embroidered pillow, just in case something happens ahah I'm so subtle" scene is quite sweet (despite everything that follows), and while I affectionately mock it for being very loud, the First Big Kiss in the sewers is a classic. And any mention to cats is very much appreciated, obviously.

* Idea for a story: the 3 years gap between the acts are full of possibilities, and I love missing-moments stories. Also! If the "something here is a metaphor for mental illness" idea is true I'd definitely love to read some in-depth exploration of it.

* Favourite head canon: considering what I saw from the official writers about him after the events of DA2, I'd just say "the opposite of that".

* Favourite relationship: platonic, I'd say Varric ("let's brainstorm how to kill my brother :D! Also I'm paying criminals to stay away from your underground free clinic, bye"). Romantic, definitely Hawke. But with a disclaimer: I've tried the romance path thingy with a male rogue/archer Hawke (after much consideration, I was really curious about Fenris and Isabela too, but the "ten years, a hundred years-" quote got me) but I still haven't finished it. So yeah, I'm aware I'm missing pieces here -and this is why I looked for all the spoilers. "And I love you so much I'm going to let you kill me" indeed, mrs Welch singing during the end credits, indeed.

Thanks again for asking! 💃✨

[edit] finished the game - he is now in the top 10 of my favourite characters, huge fan of the romance with Hawke (friendship route and 'let's run away' ending).

[thedawningofthehour]

Hi, for someone who its just a beginner in writing fanfic do mind to share your process?

Oh god, I feel really bad when people ask me for advice because half the time shit just pops into my brain I had no input in really cultivating it. So when people ask me how I write dialogue-like, man, I don't know. There's a guy talking and I'm just taking down whatever they say.

Honestly, my biggest piece of advice is just to write a lot, and write whatever. Do you have a cool idea for a oneshot and you're not sure if you can pull it off? Write it anyway. You're thinking of a random scene in the middle of what should be a longer story? Cool. Write that. You think this idea is cringy and you would never want anyone else to see it? Write it and let it sit in your Google Docs. Write stuff and never publish it. Write stuff and drop it when it's no longer fun.

Seriously, I have so many Google Docs that are never seeing the light of day. Stuff that I never bothered to finish. Stuff that wouldn't make sense to anyone outside my brain. Weird horny stuff. Hundreds of hours I spent writing this shit. That wasn't wasted time because-well, for one, I had fun writing it, but I was learning what I liked, what sounded good. And don't worry about never having anything to show for it because you will in the process go "oh man, this shit slaps" with something. I've mentioned before that doth wasn't going to be publish originally. Literally every fanfic I have on AO3 started off as "I'm bored, let's get that idea that I've been thinking about while trying to sleep out of my head." Unlike all the other blurbs I've written, I wanted to return to them, hone them into something better, keep writing more. You can't force passion. It just kind of happens, and sometimes it won't happen. That's okay.

Another thing is: write badly. Seriously, your first draft is just a draft. Unless you're a professional author and it's the night before it goes to print, you can always change it. If you're sitting there thinking 'this is gonna sound so bad'? Write it anyway. Chances are it's not actually that bad. Even if it's not great, you have something to edit-you'll never have anything to make better if you never write it in the first place. And if you do come back to it the next day and realize that it's irredeemably awful-you can just delete it. Rewrite it later if you think of something better. But do not just sit around waiting to spontaneously think of the perfect execution for every scene, because it will never happen and then you'll be left with a blank document.

Oh, something I see a lot of younger, newbie fanfic writers do? Writing and posting the same day. I mean, I do it too sometimes, but generally you don't want to do that, even if you're not in the habit of going through multiple drafts. Your brain does get tired. At the very least do the final read-through on a different day. One of my teachers in high school said it was best to let a piece of writing sit for two days without even looking at it before doing the final proofread, because that's how long it takes for your brain to 'forget' what you wrote. You want to read what's actually on the screen, not what you remember writing. He was right. This is good advice for papers too, for all of you still in school.

Also, if you're planning to write fanfic in English then mad fucking props to you, I have a hard enough time speaking it half the time and it's the only language I speak and I have a fucking degree in it.

Writing is a hard thing to give advice for because everyone, and I mean everyone goes about it differently and wildly different stuff works for them. Some writers can only write first thing in the morning-I'm better at night. Some writers need to have a habit of writing X amount every day, no excuses. I can go between writing nothing and writing 4k words the next day-and those 4k dump days are typically where I do my best work. Nothing fits everyone. It's really a process of fucking around and finding out what fits you best.

Oh, and if you're struggling with anxiety or imposter syndrome? If you're too nervous to start the process, or too nervous to post? One thing that helps me is asking myself, what's the worst possible thing that could happen? Are planes going to fall out of the sky? Are you gonna die? Almost certainly not. What is likely to happen? I go through this pretty much every time I post a chapter. I think, "oh man, they've liked everything so far but this is the chapter where they Find Out and make fun of me." (find out what? I don't fucking know. anxiety isn't logical) I just think about all the other chapters I posted that I thought weren't up to snuff, where I thought people would judge me for it-no, they all liked them anyway. In some cases people even said that it was their new favorite chapter. So seriously, just push yourself over that hurdle. You will be glad you did. The most likely outcome is that some people will enjoy it, and the absolutely worst thing that could happen is that someone is mean to you. And honestly, that says more about them than you.