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fullscoreshenanigans · 3 months ago

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For the demon God name... I call them Elari. (Yes I stared at that nonsense of a word until it looked like a name).

Elari definitely sounds more prestigious than Marumaru lol

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 1)

I've also seen the demon language compared to Enochian (mentioned in @puff-poff's analysis of the demon world's culture, which I highly recommend people checking out).

And Kei Toda speculates it's related to Hebrew in The Promised Neverland read with English and American Literature (2020) by Kei Toda (the second chapter that discusses religion can be found here, translated by @thathilomgirl and @0hana0fubuki0).

Introducing her first from the Trio was a really good choice in my opinion, because her cheerful, hopeful, happy and naive personality makes you believe that everything in all right with their lives.

Establishing her as the main character is also so important for solidifying the series as a feminist narrative.

Just like I did with Ray... I have something unique to add to each drawing of her. First let's talk about the Freckles! I'm a big fan of interesting character traits, such us freckles, moles, scars, tooth gaps, vitiligo or anything similar to that. In the manga colouring above if you look closely, Emma has faint scars on her knees and elbows. Since she most likely do what her heart says before thinking, I imagine that she didn't mind if she scrapped her knees or bruised her elbow, while playing with her friends and family. Physically active kids often fall while playing but, falling hard then getting up again all by yourself is a good way to symbolise their in journey.

Ooo that is such a cool detail! I'm sure the demons eating premium meat would groan at seeing their meal in any way devalued with imperfections, but kids are going to be kids, and this especially makes sense for Emma.

Emma simply had to get into the Leader's role after Norman's shipment. I'm sorry to say that but Ray was a bit useless. He was lost in his own pain and gave up all hope (I mean… valid, but still), so she had to plan everything. Norman's letter and the other kids (Gilda, Don, Thoma, Lanni, etc) helped a lot, but she was practically alone.

While she is seen as the central leader/figurehead of this portion of the escape plan, I don't know if I'd phrase it as Emma being alone with how central collectivist efforts and solidarity are in the work, especially in this portion of the story. It feels like it devalues just how integral the rest of the Grace Field kids are to the plan and plays into the front the kids were hoping Isabella would buy into so that she wouldn't investigate further and discover their actual plans (i.e., that it was just one member of the trio behind the plan, and by getting rid of them it would crumble).

(S1 Episode 11 | S1 Episode 12)

It also goes against Shirai disavowing the narrow, arbitrary metrics the farm system uses in the form of the daily tests to evaluate children as the be all, end all of their worth, with the destruction of Grace Field (and later on the farm system as a whole) acting as a symbolic rejection of that worldview, and against Emma's core values that drove her to stake everything on saving all of her family, not just the trio like Norman initially suggested as a matter of practicality.

My forever favourite moment (Idk why didn't I mention this in the Brainrots part 1) is Emma slapping some sense into Ray (pun intended😁). Like that setting and that scenery is my Roman Empire.

She smacked him hard enough all the remaining lighter fluid right out of his hair 🤣😭🤣😭

10/10 moment, peak comedy tbqh.

TPN Brainrots part 2:

Warning: just like the in the previous part... There will be Manga Spoilers.

Since I was unable to finish part 3 of my comic for Emma's birthday (due to being in a place where bringing a laptop was not advised) I will do my head canons and theories on her.

So today's post is about: Emma

Emma is a protagonist in the wrong genre. That was my first thought when I finished season 1 for the first time. Of course now I know how much more complicated her personality is. Introducing her first from the Trio was a really good choice in my opinion, because her cheerful, hopeful, happy and naive personality makes you believe that everything in all right with their lives. Her point of view up until Connie's death really shows how easy it is to believe in a comfortable lie. (not to forget that in canon they're 11-12)

Emma's appearance explained:

Just like I did with Ray... I have something unique to add to each drawing of her. First let's talk about the Freckles! I'm a big fan of interesting character traits, such us freckles, moles, scars, tooth gaps, vitiligo or anything similar to that. Also the red/orange hair🧡! My second favourite hair color in anime & character history (first is black🖤).

When colouring I like to use vivid colours for her clothes (mostly red or orange to bring out her hair). Maybe that's why, my favourite outfit is what she wore in the Goldy Pond Arc.

In the manga colouring above if you look closely, Emma has faint scars on her knees and elbows. Since she most likely do what her heart says before thinking, I imagine that she didn't mind if she scrapped her knees or bruised her elbow, while playing with her friends and family. Physically active kids often fall while playing but, falling hard then getting up again all by yourself is a good way to symbolise their in journey. (Old drawing of mine😅⬇️)

Leader of the Grace Field Group:

Emma simply had to get into the Leader's role after Norman's shipment. I'm sorry to say that but Ray was a bit useless. He was lost in his own pain and gave up all hope (I mean... valid, but still), so she had to plan everything. Norman's letter and the other kids (Gilda, Don, Thoma, Lanni, etc) helped a lot, but she was practically alone. She couldn't even grieve Norman properly. Don't forget that Emma is smart and an amazing actor. She fooled Isabella thinking she gave up too (not to mention that time she slowed her heartbeat so Mom doesn't know she was lying).

My forever favourite moment (Idk why didn't I mention this in the Brainrots part 1) is Emma slapping some sense into Ray (pun intended😁). Like that setting and that scenery is my Roman Empire. Her catching a burning match just in time, not caring about burning her hand, then convincing Ray to excape with her and the rest of the group (Okay actually... let's be honest... she basically had to drag him out of the House). The first glimpse of what Emma is capable on her own. Nerves of steel for cutting her ear off too (her first big sacrifice just to save the others).

After the Excape, she got a lot of help from Ray who also apologised for his behaviour. The two of them comforting each other after thinking Norman died is just such a heart warming scene. Meeting with Sonju and Mujika was a big turning point for Emma, because of three things;

1: Okay first she was scolded because of her recklessness as well as Ray for trying to play the hero, but that not strongly Mujika or demon related. The world opened up for the whole group. They learnt about the Promise and how the world was divided into two.

2: Emma learned and saw from first hand, that not all demon are evil. Mujika helped them despite their differences and the end of that week Emma thrusted her so much she even showed her the photographs of her family and told her about Norman too.

3: Receiving the neklace and the advice to search for the Seven Wall while they're on their journey.

Arriving to B06-32 and meeting Mister/Yuugo there was a new challenge. All the kids saw another 'Isabella' who tried to kill them. Emma, then Ray were the first ones who saw through his facade.

Goldy Pond Arc was Emma time to shine as a leader and as an individual too. Meeting Lucas and the Goldy Pond squad and immediately connecting to them shows how much she cares about others. Her bonding time with Lucas as they uncover the mysteries surrounding the identity of William Minerva.

Fun fact: In my fanfic I like to age up the Grace Field Trio roughly to Oliver's age, because I think this way their personalities are more dominant and clear.

Emma's relationship with adults:

I like to think that Emma never saw Isabella as a monster (not even after discovering the truth). And as truthful as it is. I think Isabella formed a deeper bond with Emma than with her own son. That's because from the Grace Field Trio, only Emma could have been saved by Mom. With the Mom/Sister Program, Emma would have been able to live on, but it's against her nature to harm anyone. Although I found it interesting that that was the original composition of the manga. Emma becoming a Mom and Gilda becoming a Sister (correct me if I know this wrong). Also this picture under... I found it on Pinterest and it's reflects back to my theory of what might happen to the boys.

Meeting Yuugo and Lucas were a complete different experience for the Grace Field kids. The Bunker Dads were the caring parents both group (Grace Field & Goldy Pond) needed and deserved. Not to mention how Emma reminds me both the young and hopeful Yuugo from the past and the clever and patient Lucas of the present. Spending almost two years on the B06-32 shelter while searching for the Seven Wall makes their last goodbye 1000% more heart breaking.

Back to Grace Field Arc is when Emma meets Isabella again. She gets closer slowly but she doesn't have an emotional barricade as high up as Ray or even Norman. Emma forgave her easier, but that doesn't mean she justified the things Mom did with her family. She simply realised that Isabella had no other choice if she wanted to stay alive.

Making the new Promise and the Human World:

First of all King of Paradise Arc? Realising that Norman is still alive?! Oh the the happy tears when I first read that🖤🤍🧡. (Although to tell the truth Ray slapping Norman as soon as he sees him was such a right choice in my opinion) Emma breaking down in tears and hugging Norman was such an emotional and wholesome scene. But the argument after... let's just say I don't like miscommunication and/or characters keeping important secrets to themselves. (*glances at the GF Trio* "All three of you is in trouble")

Ohh Seven Wall Arc my beloved 🧡🖤. I like every bit of this story but Seven Wall Arc holds a special space in my heart. That Arc still holds so much potential to play around. The demon God's power to manipulate time, space and play around with Emma's and Ray's memories was wild. For the demon God name... I call them Elari. (Yes I stared at that nonsense of a word until it looked like a name). It was such a nice touch that the demon God only wanted to talk to Emma, but I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for Ray, because I think he was worried as hell when he woke up alone without Emma on his side. (I also sometimes think about what kind of Reward he would have received if he stayed with Elari).

The Reward Emma got is... without a question... cruel, and I think it was not needed, but I also can't think about something else what she could have gave to Elari if not her memories.

She deserves happiness and I can't say how much I cried when the Ray and Norman + everyone else found her in the human world. In the end I'm happy that Emma and all of them got a relatively happy ending.

Head canon to Human World and Reward: Emma's necklace!! It holds her memories. They just somehow have to find a way to unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMMA!!!🧡🧡🧡.

Okay. That's it for Emma. If you have anything else to add, correct or you want to share your own theories just write it in the comments or reblogs. Next post will be the 3rd part of the comic. Then brainstorms on Norman will come.

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fucktheroyals · 4 years ago

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You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

#15x20 wank #spn finale wank #spn finale meta #15x20 meta #Andrew Dabb #spn #supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #deancas #misha collins #jensen ackles #long post #sorry im on mobile #this is the longest post i have ever writen

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paulnewmanlover · 4 years ago

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s1 wrapup post for posterity

there were a few absolutely fantastic arcs (baba yaga arc slapped especially) but damn if my favorite still isn't the eye of horus.... space arc was just SO good and was absolutely the moment the show really took off for me. good npcs, super high tension, the stakes felt real for the first time and there were a couple of moments that I just l o v e d

fav moments of s1:

- tj jumping into the ocean to find jakes hammer

- jakes speech to the defender about why he didn't want to choose a different god

- jake missing the grab to save reeves & subsequent scenes on the eye of horus

- tass screaming at the spider queen after ferguson's death (and jake holding him back from going after her) and then later executing her

- tass' death & subsequent scenes (including the boys telling rev about it because. oh my god tj really.)

- their final confrontation with baba yaga ft. tass & jake having a morality crisis while tj calmly hangs out on the ceiling

fav npcs:

- rev, beautiful little magic boy :) there's something both deeply touching and insanely hilarious about the GM literally putting himself into the game to help his friends, and honestly if I think about it too hard I will explode (also, despite the insistence from GM!rev that he won’t metagame, ole “boxcars” rev the npc ends up being pretty badass through pure luck anyways)

- strohm bc she went from potential major antagonist to frenemy that they can't really trust and she isnt really on their side but they kinda can't help but like her and kinda wind up trusting her a lot anyways

- jingles because. hello. if you dont like jingles I don't know what to tell you. you're wrong.

- eddy & jeff the maintenance workers who i absolutely believe are married

- anastasia bc strong lady hot make me brain googoo gaga

#cshow blogging #i see y'all posting about s2 and feel a chilling fear #onwards i plunge into the abyss

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fuckofffuckofffuckoffloveme · 4 years ago

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Runaway - Part Fifteen

~Masterlist~

Concept: Hazel Richards is a twenty-year-old woman living in London. When she meets a mysterious time-travelling alien known only as the Hunter, she’s thrust into a world of wonder she could only have imagined.

Warnings: swearing, follows S1 of Doctor Who.

Mike Denman stepped off the train at Cardiff Central railway station and headed to the Roald Dahl Plass. He smiled when he saw the TARDIS parked just in front of the huge water tower, walked up, and knocked on the door. It swung open to show a handsome man with dark hair and a confused expression. "Who the hell are you?"

"What do you mean, who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?" Mike demanded.

"Captain Jack Harkness." He flashed his signature brilliant smile. "Whatever you're selling, we're not buying."

Mike narrowed his eyes. "Get out of my way!" He pushed past Jack and into the TARDIS, making the man roll his eyes as he closed the door.

"Don't tell me. This must be the pikey you were telling me about."

The Hunter beamed down at them from a ladder, where she was fixing a light fitting on the wall. She was wearing a white t-shirt with blue skinny jeans, and ankle boots. "Here comes trouble! How're you doing, Spike?"

"It's Mike!"

Hazel rolled her eyes, sipping from a cup of hot chocolate. Judging both by this and her thick hoodie, she wasn't planning on running around much today. Maybe they'd be able to have a quiet day together for once? "Don't listen to her, she's winding you up."

"Damn right, I am," the Hunter muttered in the background, smirking.

"You look fantastic," Mike told Hazel, hugging her. Startled, she held her hot chocolate out of the way and hoped it wouldn't spill.

"Aw, sweet, look at these two," Jack sighed, leaning against the console next to the ladder. "How come I never get any of that?"

"Well, you'd have to buy me a drink first," the Hunter told him, winking.

He sighed despairingly. "You're such hard work."

"Yeah, but worth every bit of it," she smirked.

"Did you manage to find them?" Hazel asked eagerly.

"There you go," Mike smiled, handing over the fake IDs and passport. Little did he know, the IDs were in for a cathartic burning session later - it'd been Jack's idea.

Hazel grinned. "I can go anywhere now."

"I told you, you don't need a passport," the Hunter rolled her eyes, making her way down the ladder.

"It's all very well going to Platform One and Justicia and the Glass Pyramid of San Kaloon, but what if we end up in Brazil? I might need it," Hazel pointed out. "You see, I'm prepared for anything."

"Sounds like you're staying then," Mike noticed. Everybody looked at him, and he changed the subject. "So what're you doing in Cardiff? And who the hell's Jumping Jack Flash? I mean, I don't mind you hanging out with Soulless Samantha over there."

"Oi!" the Hunter exclaimed.

"Listen to yourself," Mike sneered. "But this guy, I don't know, he's kind of -"

"Handsome?" Jack suggested, grinning.

"More like cheesy," Mike corrected, clearly not impressed.

Jack looked to the Hunter. "Queenie, early twenty first century slang. Is cheesy good or bad?"

"It's bad," Mike deadpanned before she could get a word in.

"But bad means good, isn't that right?" Jack shrugged.

"Are you saying I'm not handsome?" the Hunter asked, nudging him.

"You're not handsome, you're beautiful," Jack told her, making her grin.

"We just stopped off," Hazel cut in, seeing Mike looking at them with disgust. "We need to refuel. The thing is, Cardiff's got this rift running through the middle of the city. It's invisible, but it's like an earthquake fault between different dimensions."

"The rift was healed back in 1869," the Hunter continued.

"Thanks to a girl named Gwyneth," Hazel added, "because these creatures called the Gelth, they were using the rift as a gateway, but she saved the world and closed it."

"But closing a rift always leaves a scar," Jack explained, "and that scar generates energy, harmless to the human race -"

The Hunter nodded. "But perfect for the TARDIS, so just park her here for a couple of days right on top of the scar, and -"

"Open up the engines, soak up the radiation," Jack continued.

"Like filling her up with petrol and off we go!" Hazel cheered.

"Into time!" Jack exclaimed.

"And space!" they all shouted together, high-fiving.

Mike just stared at them for a moment. "My God, have you seen yourselves? You all think you're so clever, don't you?"

"Yeah," Hazel nodded.

"Yep!" Jack agreed.

"It does seem to be the general consensus," the Hunter shrugged, leading them out onto Roald Dahl Plass and locking the door behind them. "Should take another twenty four hours, which means we've got time to kill."

"That old lady's staring," Mike noticed.

Jack smirked. "Probably wondering what four people could do inside a small wooden box."

Mike stared at him, looking horrified by the mere suggestion. "What are you captain of, the Innuendo Squad?"

"Well, actually -"

"Jack!" Hazel exclaimed, and they both burst out laughing, the Hunter watching fondly.

"Wait, the TARDIS, we can't just leave it," Mike protested as they started walking away. "Doesn't it get noticed?"

"Yeah, what's with the police box?" Jack asked. "Why does it look like that?"

"It's a cloaking device," Hazel told them.

"It's called a chameleon circuit," the Hunter explained. "The TARDIS is meant to disguise herself wherever she lands, like if this was Ancient Rome, she'd be a statue on a plinth or something. But I landed in the '60s, she disguised herself as a police box, and the circuit got stuck."

"So it copied a real thing?" Mike asked. "There actually was police boxes?"

"Yeah, on street corners," the Hunter nodded. "Phone for help before they had radios and mobiles. If they arrested someone, they could shove them inside till help came, like a little prison cell."

Jack shook his head slightly. That didn't sound too pleasant. "Why don't you just fix the circuit?"

She pouted. "I like it, don't you?"

"I love it," Hazel grinned.

"But that's what I meant," Mike said, pulling the conversation back to him. "There's no police boxes anymore, so doesn't it get noticed?"

The Hunter smiled, standing in front of him with her hands on his shoulders. Despite being an inch or so shorter, she still intimidated him, and he didn't even know the whole of what she could do. "Spike, let me tell you something about the human race. You put a mysterious blue box slap bang in the middle of town, what do they do? Walk past it. Now, stop your nagging. Let's go and explore!" They set off walking again.

"What's the plan?" Hazel asked, looping her arms through both Jack's and the Hunter's.

The Time Lady shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Cardiff, early twenty first century, and the wind's coming from the east. Trust me. Safest place in the universe."

***

They ended up in a small restaurant on the jetty, where Jack was telling them stories from his previous adventures.

"I swear, six feet tall and with big tusks!" he was saying.

"You're lying through your teeth!" the Hunter accused, laughing.

"I'd have gone bonkers!" Hazel cried, holding onto the table to keep her from falling out of her seat with laughter. "That's the word - bonkers!"

"I mean, it turns out the white things are tusks and I mean tusks!" Jack enthused. "And it's woken, and it's not happy."

"How could you not know it was there?" the Hunter demanded, her eyes wide and filled with happy tears.

"And we're standing there, fifteen of us, naked -"

"Naked?!" Hazel echoed, crying with laughter.

"And I'm like, oh, no, no, it's got nothing to do with me," Jack continued. "And then it roars, and we are running, oh my God, we are running! And Brakovitch falls, so I turn to him and I say -"

"I knew we should've turned left!" Mike cried.

"That's my line!" Jack exclaimed as Hazel burst out laughing all over again.

"I don't believe you!" she sighed, wiping her cheeks. "I don't believe a word you say ever. That is so brilliant! Did you ever get your clothes back?" The Hunter borrowed a newspaper from the next table, her good mood swiftly dissipating.

"No, I just picked him up, went right for the ship, full throttle. Didn't stop until I hit the spacelanes. I was shaking. It was unbelievable. It freaked me out, and by the time I got fifteen light years away I realised I'm like this."

The Hunter sighed disappointedly. "And I was having such a nice day." She showed them the newspaper, the front page of which showed Margaret Blaine as the new Lord Mayor of Cardiff.

***

In the foyer of the City Hall, Jack began to outline what they already knew about Margaret. "According to intelligence, the target is the last surviving member of the Slitheen family, a criminal sect from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius, masquerading as a human being, zipped inside a skin suit." He nodded. "Okay, plan of attack, we assume a basic fifty seven fifty six strategy, covering all available exits on the ground floor. Queenie, you go face to face. That'll designate Exit One. I'll cover Exit Two. Jules, you're on Exit Three. Mike, you take Exit Four. Have you got that?"

The Hunter raised her eyebrows at him pointedly. "Excuse me. Who's in charge here?"

Jack bit his lip to hide a smile. "Sorry. Awaiting orders, your Majesty."

"Right, here's the plan." She paused, smirking. "Like he said. Nice plan. Anything else?"

"Present arms," Jack ordered. Each of them pulled out a mobile phone, except for the Hunter, who was fixing a Bluetooth unit to her ear.

"Ready," she nodded.

"Ready," Hazel stated.

"Ready," Mike agreed.

"Ready," Jack smiled. "Speed dial?"

"Yep," the Hunter grinned, sonicing the device.

"Ready," Hazel seconded.

"Check," Mike nodded.

Jack flashed a brilliant smile. "See you in hell."

***

The Hunter followed the signs through to the outer area of the Lord Mayor's office, where a young man was sitting at his desk just outside the door. "Hello," she smiled warmly. "I've come to see the Lord Mayor."

"Have you got an appointment?" the young man asked politely.

"No, just an old friend passing by. Bit of a surprise," she grinned. "Can't wait to see her face."

"Well, she's just having a cup of tea," he stated.

"Just go in there and tell her the Hunter would like to see her."

"The Hunter?" he echoed.

"Yeah, it's an inside joke," the Hunter lied. "Tell her exactly that. The Hunter."

"Hang on a tick," the man smiled, and went into the office. The Hunter waited patiently, smirking when she heard a teacup smash on the floor, then smiling politely when the man came back out, looking flustered. "The Lord Mayor says thank you for popping by. She'd love to have a chat, but, er, she's up to her eyes in paperwork. Perhaps if you could make an appointment for next week?"

The Hunter looked at him pityingly. "She's climbing out of the window, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is," he admitted, sighing in relief.

"Slitheen heading north," she reported, pushing past the man, through the office and out onto the balcony.

"On my way," Hazel replied.

"Over and out," Jack agreed.

"Oh my God!" Mike wailed.

"Leave the Lord Mayor alone!" the man cried, trying to pull the Hunter back from following Margaret as she climbed down a ladder on some scaffolding on the side of the building.

The Hunter rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on." She telekinetically threw the man back into the office, locking the balcony behind him. "It's like you're not even trying."

Margaret reached the bottom of the ladder and took off her brooch, starting to run. When she saw Hazel running towards her, she snarled, removing her right earring. Then Jack came running from the opposite direction.

"Margaret!" the Hunter taunted, seeing she was running in the only available direction - across the front of the building. She joined Jack and Hazel at the entrance to the alleyway at the front of the building, seeing Margaret running away from them.

"Who's on Exit Four?" Jack demanded.

"That was Mike!" Hazel supplied.

"Here I am," Mike announced, running out with one foot in a bucket.

"Oh, you pikey," the Hunter scoffed.

"Be fair, she's not exactly going to outrun us, is she?" Hazel pointed out, at which point Margaret vanished.

"She's got a teleport! That's cheating!" Jack complained. "Now we're never going to get her."

"Oh, Artie's very good at teleports," Hazel assured him.

The Hunter buzzed the sonic screwdriver in the direction of Margaret's disappearance, and she reappeared, running towards them. She frowned, turned around and vanished again, but the Hunter just brought her back. The next time she was brought back, she was standing right in front of them, and panting hard. "Do you know, I could actually do this all day," the Hunter remarked conversationally, looking down at Margaret with no pity.

"This is persecution," Margaret accused. "Why can't you leave me alone? What did I ever do to you?"

"You tried to kill me, my friend Hazel here, and destroy the entire planet," the Hunter pointed out bluntly.

Margaret blinked. "Apart from that."

***

"So, you're a Slitheen, you're on Earth, you're trapped," the Hunter mused, leading them into the presentation room of the City Hall, in which the centrepiece was a model of a nuclear power station. "Your family get killed, but you teleport out just in the nick of time. You have no means of escape. What do you do? You build a nuclear power station. But what for?"

"A philanthropic gesture," Margaret shrugged airily. "I've learnt the error of my ways."

The Hunter scoffed. "And it just so happens to be right on top of the rift."

"What rift would that be?" Margaret asked innocently.

"A rift in space and time," Jack answered. "If this power station went into meltdown, the entire planet would go -" He mimed an implosion with his hands, adding the appropriate sound effects.

"This station is designed to explode the minute it reaches capacity," the Hunter stated, looking at the model.

"Didn't anyone notice?" Hazel frowned. "Isn't there someone in London checking this sort of stuff?"

"We're in Cardiff," Margaret deadpanned. "London doesn't care. The South Wales coast could fall into the sea and they wouldn't notice." She made a face. "Oh, I sound like a Welshman. God help me, I've gone native."

"But why would she do that?" Mike asked. "A great big explosion, she'd only end up killing herself."

"She's got a name, you know," Margaret pointed out icily.

"She's not even a she, she's a thing," Mike countered.

"Oh, but she's clever," the Hunter smiled. With her metal hand, she yanked the middle section from the model and turned it over to reveal circuitry. "Fantastic."

"Is that a tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator?" Jack asked excitedly.

The Hunter grinned, handing it over. "Couldn't have put it better myself."

"Ooh, genius!" Jack exclaimed. "You didn't build this."

"I have my hobbies," Margaret shrugged. "A little tinkering."

"No, no, no, no," Jack shook his head. "I mean, you really didn't build this. Way beyond you."

"I bet she stole it," Mike accused.

"It fell into my hands," Margaret said defensively.

"Is it a weapon?" Hazel inquired.

"It's transport," Jack told her, grinning. "You see, if the reactor blows, the rift opens. Phenomenal cosmic disaster. But this thing shrouds you in a forcefield. You have this energy bubble, so you're safe." He put the extrapolator on the ground. "Then you feed it co-ordinates, stand on top, and ride the concussion all the way out of the solar system." He stood on top demonstratively.

"It's a surfboard," Mickey realised.

"A pan-dimensional surfboard, yeah," Jack nodded.

"And it would've worked," Margaret grumbled. "I'd have surfed away from this dead end dump and back to civilisation."

Hazel frowned. "Isn't there supposed to be something about meddling kids in there?"

"You'd blow up a whole planet just to get a lift?" Mike asked, wondering why the others weren't too shocked.

"Like stepping on an anthill," Margaret smirked.

"How'd you think of the name?" the Hunter asked. She was looking at one of the banners with an expression of concern.

"What, Blaidd Drwg?" Margaret shrugged. "It's Welsh."

The Hunter rolled her eyes. "I know, but how did you think of it?"

"I chose it at random, that's all. I don't know, it just sounded good. Does it matter?"

"Blaidd Drwg," the Hunter mused, frowning.

"What's it mean?" Hazel asked.

"Bad Wolf," the Time Lady replied.

Hazel flinched, and Jack put his arm around her shoulder's - much to Mike's annoyance. "But I've heard that before. Bad Wolf. I've heard that lots of times."

"Everywhere we go," the Hunter narrowed her eyes. "Two words following us. Bad Wolf."

"How can they be following us?" Hazel whispered.

The Hunter shared a look with Jack, both of them clocking how scared Hazel actually was. "Nah, just a coincidence. Like hearing a word on the radio then hearing it all day. Never mind. Things to do. Margaret, we're going to take you home."

Jack blinked. "Hold on, isn't that the easy option, like letting her go?"

"I don't believe it!" Hazel exclaimed. "We actually get to go to Raxa - wait a minute. Raxacor -"

"Raxacoricofallapatorius," the Hunter told her in amusement.

"Raxacorico -"

"- fallapatorius."

"Raxacoricofallapatorius." Hazel's eyes widened. "That's it! I did it!" She and the Hunter hugged in celebration.

"They have the death penalty," Margaret cut in, ruining the ambience. "The family Slitheen was tried in its absence many years ago, and found guilty with no chance of appeal. According to the statutes of government, the moment I return, I am to be executed. What do you make of that, Hunter? Take me home and you take me to my death."

The Hunter regarded her coldly with those steely blue eyes. "That sounds like a not me problem."

***

Night had fallen by the time they got Margaret to the TARDIS.

"This ship is impossible," she exclaimed as Hazel shut the door behind them. "It's superb. How do you get the outside around the inside?"

"Like I'd give you the secret," the Hunter scoffed.

"I almost feel better about being defeated," Margaret admitted. "I never stood a chance. This is the technology of the gods."

The Hunter smirked. "Well, now you mention it..." She turned her attention to the extrapolator. "Jack, how's it going?"

"This extrapolator's top of the range," he told her, glancing up at Margaret. "Where did you get it?"

"Oh, I don't know. Some airlock sale?"

"Must have been a great big heist," Jack translated. "It's stacked with power."

"But we can use it for fuel?" the Hunter asked.

"It's not compatible, but it should knock off about twelve hours," Jack nodded. "We'll be ready to go by morning."

She sighed, but nodded. "Then we're stuck here overnight."

"I'm in no hurry," Margaret piped up.

Hazel smirked, sitting cross-legged on the jump seat. "We've got a prisoner. The police box really is a police box."

"You're not just police, though," Margaret pointed out. "Since you're taking me to my death, that makes you my executioners. Each and every one of you."

"Well, you deserve it," Mike shrugged.

"You're very quick to say so," Margaret noticed. "You're very quick to soak your hands in my blood, which makes you better than me how, exactly? Long night ahead. Let's see who can look me in the eye."

Mickey looked away before she even met his eyes, and neither Hazel nor Jack held her gaze for more than a few seconds. When she looked to the Hunter, though, she gasped, seeing the woman casually making several paperweights float about her head with her metal arm.

"You're a -!"

"A what?" the Hunter asked, smirking. "A mutant Time Lord? Now, now, Maggie, don't be a bitch. You're hardly my first dead body. How's about you sit down and shut up?" Stunned, Margaret did so.

***

"It's freezing out here," Hazel complained as she joined Mike outside the TARDIS, keeping her hands cosy in her hoodie pocket.

"Better than in there," Mike huffed. "She does deserve it. She's a Slitheen. I don't care. It's just weird in that box."

"I didn't really need the passport," Hazel confessed. "Or the IDs."

Mike smiled. "I've been thinking, you know, we could go have a drink. Have a pizza or something. Just you and me."

"I guess," Hazel shrugged. He was still her friend, she just didn't want to deal with the awkward 'are you staying' crap.

"And I mean, if the TARDIS can't leave until morning, we could go to a hotel, spend the night." Hazel raised her eyebrows incredulously, and he backtracked. "I mean, if you want to. I've got some money."

"Mike, can I ask you a question?" Hazel bit her lip.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Are you seriously still labouring under the impression that I'm straight?" Mike blinked, and she laughed. "Oh, come on! How many times have I told you? It's been four years!"

"Oh, shut up!" he complained, not meeting her eyes. "Of course I knew. I just... You never know."

She narrowed her eyes. "What part of not attracted to men are you not getting?"

"Well, you know, I'm different," he shrugged. "I'm your mate."

"Yeah, and I'm gay," she stressed, raising her eyebrows.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. There's a couple bars around here. We should give them a go, you know, before we go for pizza." He saw her glance back at the TARDIS. "Do you have to go and tell her?"

She shook her head. "She knows."

***

Inside the TARDIS, the Hunter shook her head, watching them walk away on the monitor.

"What?" Jack asked, coming to see.

"He's trying so hard to get in there," she told him, snorting. "It's pitiful."

"Does he know she's gay?" Jack frowned.

"Oh, yeah," the Hunter nodded. "She says she's been telling him for four years."

"What a dick," Jack muttered.

"I gather it's not always like this, having to wait. I bet you're always the first to leave, Hunter. Never mind the consequences, off you go. You butchered my family and then ran for the stars, am I right? But not this time," Margaret smirked. "At last you have consequences. How does it feel?"

The Hunter scoffed. "I didn't butcher them."

"Don't answer back," Jack complained. "You know that's what she wants."

"Well, I didn't," she shrugged, before turning back to Margaret. "What about you? You had an emergency teleport. You didn't zap them to safety, did you?"

"It only carries one," Margaret explained. "I had to fly without co-ordinates. I ended up on a skip in the Isle of Dogs." Jack and the Hunter snorted. "It wasn't funny!"

"Sorry," the Hunter apologised, then snickered. "It is a bit funny."

Margaret rolled her eyes tiresomely. "Do I get a last request?"

"Depends what it is," the Hunter shrugged.

"I grew quite fond of my little human life," Margaret admitted. "All those rituals. The brushing of the teeth, and the complicated way they cook things. There's a little restaurant just round the Bay. It became quite a favourite of mine."

The Hunter frowned. "Is that was you want, a last meal?"

"Don't I have rights?" she pleaded.

Jack scoffed. "Oh, like she's not going to try to escape."

"Except I can never escape the Hunter, so where's the danger?" Margaret shot back, before looking to the Hunter. "I wonder if you could do it? To sit with a creature you're about to kill and take supper. How strong is your stomach?"

"Strong enough," the Hunter assured her.

"I wonder," Margaret mused. "I've seen you fight your enemies, now dine with them."

The Time Lady snorted. "You won't change my mind."

"Prove it," the Raxacoricofallapatorian snarled.

"There are people out there," the Hunter pointed out. And Hazel. "If you slip away just for one second, they'll be in danger."

"Except I've got these," Jack stated, holding up two bangles. "You both wear one. If she moves more than ten feet away, she gets zapped by ten thousand volts."

The Hunter eyed them. "Do I even want to know?"

"Not in the slightest," Jack promised, smirking.

She rolled her eyes, smiling, then turned to their captive. "Margaret, would you like to come out to dinner? My treat."

Margaret smirked. "Dinner in bondage. Works for me."

***

"Here we are, out on a date, and you haven't even asked my proper name," Margaret sighed as they settled in their chairs, the Hunter grabbing a menu.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not a date. What's your name?"

"Blon," Margaret replied. "I am Blon Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen. That's what it'll say on my death certificate."

The Hunter smiled politely. "Nice to meet you, Blon."

"I'm sure." Margaret pointed towards the window. "Look, that's where I was living as Margaret. nice little flat, over there, on the top. Next to the one with the light on." The Hunter turned to look, and Margaret emptied powder from her ring into her wine glass. "Two bedrooms, bayside view. I was rather content. Don't suppose I'll see it again."

The Hunter turned back around, eyed Margaret, then swapped the glasses. "Suppose not."

"Thank you."

"Pleasure."

"Tell me then, Hunter. What do you know of our species?" Margaret wondered.

"Only what I've seen," the Time Lady replied, looking at the menu.

"Did you know, for example, in extreme cases, when her life is in danger, a female Raxacoricofallapatorian can manufacture a poison dart within her own finger?" She shot the dart, and the Hunter crushed it between metal fingers without looking up.

"Yes, I did."

"Just checking." Margaret leaned forwards. "And one more thing. Between you and me." The Hunter leaned forwards too. "As a final resort, the excess poison can be exhaled through the lungs." Margaret made to exhale, but the Hunter spritzed a breath freshener in her mouth.

"That's better," she grinned, before going back to her menu. "Now then, what do you think? Mmm, steak looks nice. Steak and chips."

***

Hazel and Mike had been to a few of the bars and were now leaning against the railings on Mermaid Quay. "The Hunter took me to this planet a while back," Hazel was saying. "It was much colder than this. They called it Woman Wept. The planet was actually called Woman Wept, because if you looked at it, right, from above, there's like this huge continent, all curved round. It sort of looked like a woman, you know, lamenting. Oh my God, and we went to this beach, right. No people, no buildings, just this beach like a thousand miles across. And something had happened, something to do with the sun, I don't know, but the sea had just frozen. In a split second, in the middle of a storm, right, waves and foam, just frozen, all the way out to the horizon. Midnight, right, we walk underneath these waves a hundred feet tall, made of ice." She smiled at the memory.

"I'm going out with Trisha Delaney," Mike blurted.

"Right," Hazel said, blinking. "Okay. That's nice. Trisha from the shop?"

"Yeah, Rob Delaney's sister," Mike clarified.

"Well, she's nice," Hazel nodded. "I thought you said you'd never date her."

"She lost weight," he shrugged. "You've been away."

"Well, good for you. She's nice," Hazel smiled.

"So tell us a bit more about this planet, then," he requested.

She shook her head, blowing out a breath. "That was it, really." No way was she telling him the stuff the Hunter had confided in her that day.

***

"Public execution's a slow death," Margaret stated conversationally as their steaks arrived. "They prepare a thin acetic acid, lower me into the cauldron and boil me. The acidity is perfectly gauged to strip away the skin. Internal organs fall out into the liquid, and I become soup. And still alive, still screaming."

"I don't make the law," the Hunter shrugged, stabbing a chip with her fork.

"But you deliver it," Margaret pointed out. "Will you stay to watch?"

The Hunter sighed. "What else can I do?"

"The Slitheen family's huge. There's a lot more of us, all scattered off-world. Take me to them," Margaret pleaded. "Take me somewhere safe."

"Yeah, and you'll just start again," the Hunter deadpanned.

"I promise I won't," Margaret stated hopefully.

The Hunter shook her head, scoffing. "You've been in that skin suit too long. You've forgotten. There used to be a real Margaret Blaine. You killed her and stripped her and used the skin. You're pleading for mercy out of a dead woman's lips."

"Perhaps I have got used to it," Margaret sighed. "A human life, an ordinary life. That's all I'm asking. Give me a chance, Hunter. I can change."

"I don't believe you," the Hunter stated, cutting into her steak.

***

"So, what do you want to do now?" Mike asked.

Hazel shrugged. "Don't mind."

"We could ask about hotels," he suggested.

"I'm just as gay as I was an hour ago," she rolled her eyes. "'Sides, what would Trisha Delaney say?"

"Suppose," Mike sighed. "There's a bar down there with a Spanish name or something -"

"You're not dating Trisha Delaney!" Hazel interrupted.

"Oh, is that right?" Mike scowled. "What the hell do you know?"

"I saw her three days ago cradling her firstborn child!" Hazel shot back, remembering when she'd got takeaway for herself, the Hunter, and Jack. "So who the hell do you think you're kidding?"

"At least I know where she is!" Mike shouted.

Hazel scoffed, shaking her head. "There we are, then. It's got nothing to do with Trisha. This is about me again, isn't it -?"

"You left me!" Mike cut her off. "We were nice, we were happy. And then what? You run off with her and you make me feel like nothing, Hazel. I was nothing. I can't even go out with a stupid girl from a shop because you pick up the phone and I come running. I mean, is that what I am, Hazel, standby? Am I just supposed to sit here for the rest of my life, waiting for you? Because I will."

Hazel stepped back, her eyes wide. "I'm... sorry?"

***

"I promise you I've changed since we last met, Hunter," Margaret implored. "There was this girl, just today. A young thing, something of a danger. She was getting too close. I felt the bloodlust rising, just as the family taught me. I was going to kill her without a thought. And then I stopped. She's alive somewhere right now. She's walking around this city because I can change. I did change. I know I can't prove it -"

"I believe you," the Hunter cut her off.

"Then you know I'm capable of better."

She shook her head. "It doesn't mean anything."

"I spared her life!" Margaret protested.

"You let one of them go, but that's nothing new," the Hunter shrugged. "Every now and then, a little victim's spared because she smiled, because he's got freckles, because they begged. And that's how you live with yourself. That's how you slaughter millions. Because once in a while, on a whim, if the wind's in the right direction, you happen to be kind."

"Only a killer would know that," Margaret accused, making the Hunter roll her eyes. "Is that right? From what I've seen, your funny little happy go lucky life leaves devastation in its wake. Always moving on because you dare not look back. Playing with so many people's lives, you might as well be a god. And you're right, Hunter. You're absolutely right. Sometimes you let one go. Let me go," she pleaded.

***

"I'm not asking you to leave her, because I know that's not fair," Mike said. "But I just need something, yeah? Some sort of promise that when you do come back, you're coming back for me."

There was a deep rumble in the distance, and Hazel looked up, frowning. "Is that thunder?"

"Does it matter?" Mike huffed, exasperated.

"That's not thunder," Hazel realised, hearing it again.

***

"In the family Slitheen, we had no choice," Margaret explained. "I was made to carry out my first kill at thirteen. If I'd refused, my father would have fed me to the Venom Grubs. If I'm a killer, it's because I was born to kill. It's all I know." She huffed impatiently as the Hunter looked around, frowning.

"Can you hear that?"

"I'm begging for my life, you could at least pretend to listen," Margaret complained.

"No, listen, shush," the Hunter muttered, pointing to her empty wine glass, which was vibrating. Suddenly the windows shattered, and the customers started screaming.

***

People outside ran cover as windows and street lights exploded. Hazel made a decision, running towards Roald Dahl Plass.

"Oh go on then, run! It's her again, isn't it? It's the Hunter! It's always the Hunter! It's always going to be the Hunter! It's never me!" Mike shouted bitterly.

Hazel turned on him. "Yeah, because she and Jack, they're more my family than you ever were. You call me when you've decided you're going to accept us." Then she turned her back on him and ran for the TARDIS.

***

Margaret wheezed as they ran across Roald Dahl Plass, tugging on the Hunter's arm. "The handcuffs!"

She rolled her eyes and took them off, depositing them in her back pocket. "Don't think you're running away."

"Oh, I'm sticking with you," Margaret assured her. "Some date this turned out to be!"

The Hunter's eyes widened when she saw the blue energy streaming up from the TARDIS into the sky. "It's the rift. The rift's opening." She ran in, Margaret close on her heels. "What's happening?" she demanded, seeing things sparking and almost exploding on the console.

"She just went crazy!" Jack called from under the grating, poking his head up from where he was working.

"It's the rift," she told him, trying to stop the explosions from the console. "Time and space are ripping apart. The whole city's going to disappear!"

"It's the extrapolator!" Jack exclaimed, climbing up to her level. "I've disconnected it, but it's still feeding off the engine. It's using the TARDIS. I can't stop it!"

"Never mind Cardiff," the Hunter bit her lip, her eyes wide. "It's going to rip open the planet!"

"What is it?" Hazel questioned as she ran in. "What's happening?"

"Oh, just little me," Margaret smirked, ripping the arm of her suit so she could grab Hazel around the neck with one of her talons. "One wrong move and she snaps like a promise."

The Hunter scowled. "I might've known."

"I've had you bleating all night, poor baby, now shut it," Margaret snapped. "You, fly boy, put the extrapolator at my feet." She tightened her grip on Hazel's neck, making the girl gasp. The Hunter nodded, her eyes on Hazel, and Jack did as ordered. "Thank you. Just as I planned."

"I thought you needed to blow up the nuclear power station," Hazel croaked.

"Failing that, if I were to be arrested, then anyone capable of tracking me down would have considerable technology of their own. Therefore, they would be captivated by the extrapolator. Especially a magpie mind like yours, Hunter," Margaret smirked. "So, the extrapolator was programmed to go to plan B, to lock onto the nearest alien power source and open the rift. And what a power source it found. I'm back on schedule, thanks to you."

"The rift's going to convulse," Jack realised. "You'll destroy the whole planet."

"And you with it!" Margaret cackled, stepping onto the extrapolator. "While I ride this board over the crest of the inferno all the way to freedom. Stand back. Surf's up."

The TARDIS console cracked open, and a bright light hit Margaret and Hazel, making the girl screw her eyes tightly shut.

"Of course, opening the rift means you'll pull this ship apart," the Hunter pointed out, leaning against one of the coral structures.

"So sue me," Margaret snapped.

"She's not just any old power source. She's the TARDIS. My TARDIS. The best ship in the universe," the Hunter said proudly.

"It'll make wonderful scrap."

"What's that light?" Hazel asked, wincing.

"The heart of the TARDIS," the Hunter replied. "This ship's alive. You've opened her soul. And she really has got a soft spot for our Hazel."

"It's so bright," Margaret whispered.

"Look at it, Margaret," the Hunter encouraged.

"Beautiful..."

"Look inside, Blon Fel Fotch. Look at the light."

Margaret relaxed, allowing Hazel to get free, rushing to Jack's side. "Thank you," Margaret smiled, then disappeared into the light, her bodysuit crumpling atop the extrapolator.

The Hunter moved immediately. "Don't look. Stay there. Close your eyes!" She closed the console up. "Now, Jack, come on, shut it all down. Shut down! Haze, that panel over there, turn all the switches to the right." The turbulence and the sparks stopped as the TARDIS settled, and she sighed in relief. "Nicely done. Thanks."

"What happened to Margaret?" Hazel wondered.

"Must've got burnt up," Jack guessed. "Carried out her own death sentence."

"No, I don't think she's dead," the Hunter shook her head.

Hazel frowned, rubbing her neck and wincing. "Then where'd she go?"

"She looked into the heart of the TARDIS. Even I don't know how strong that is. And the ship's telepathic, like I told you, Haze." The Hunter glanced over at her, flashing a smile. "Gets inside your head. Translates alien languages. Maybe the raw energy can translate all sorts of thoughts." She knelt by the skin suit and pulled out a large egg with dreadlocks. "Here she is."

"She's an egg?" Hazel frowned.

"Regressed to her childhood," the Hunter nodded.

"She's an egg?" Jack echoed.

"She can start again," the Hunter pointed out. "Live her life from scratch. If we take her home, give her to a different family, tell them to bring her up properly, she might be all right!"

"Or she might be worse," Jack suggested.

"That's her choice, Mr Pessimism."

"She's an egg," Hazel repeated.

"She's an egg," the Hunter agreed, smiling.

"Oh my God, Mike!" Hazel realised, getting to her feet and sprinting out the door.

***

The Hunter and Jack shared a look when she returned not five minutes later, looking dejected. "We're all powered up," the Hunter told her, making her look up. "We can leave. Opening the rift filled us up with energy. We can go, if that's all right."

"Yeah, fine," she nodded.

"How's Mike?" the Hunter asked carefully.

"He's okay. He's gone," Hazel muttered.

"Do you want to go and find him?" the Hunter offered. "We'll wait."

Hazel took a deep breath, then smiled, shaking her head. "No need."

"Off we go, then. Always moving on."

"Next stop, Raxacoricofallapatorius," Jack smiled, then nudged Hazel. "Now you don't often get to say that."

"We'll just stop by and pop her in the hatchery," the Hunter said, setting about flying them there. "Margaret the Slitheen can live her life again. A second chance."

Hazel smiled sadly, gripping the railings as they set off. "That'd be nice."

~~~

If you enjoyed, please like and/or reblog and consider donating to my Kofi to help keep me afloat! Thanks for reading :)

#doctor who #doctor who fanfiction #captain jack harkness #tardis #series #oc insert #gxg #lgbt #slow burn #thedoctorcried

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patchwork-panda · 4 years ago

Text

If A Moment Is All We Are (42/?)

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24121633/chapters/73887387

S1, OP2

“I’m sorry, Kusunoki-kun...”

I shook my head.

“It’s okay, Kunikida-san,” I insisted, turning to the man next to me. “Really.”

I shot him a small, hesitant smile.

“You were uncomfortable and you wanted to leave. I understand.”

But Kunikida didn’t respond.

For a moment, he just kept staring out at the line of trees at the horizon, as if he could see something beyond those thick green groves that no one else could. But then, he turned to me and smiled, and his expression was so uncharacteristically weary that it actually hurt for me to look at him.

Kunikida-san...

I tightened my grip on the bench.

He was so quiet the entire way here. In fact, that apology was the first thing he said to me since we left the tackle shop behind and arrived at Negishi Forest Park.

Something must have happened at that tackle shop before I’d joined the Agency—something awful.

I bit my lip.

I don’t think I’d ever seen him like this before...

“Thank you, Kusunoki-kun,” Kunikida murmured, his beautiful gray-green eyes appearing to focus on me at last.

His expression softened a little as he looked at me, but not so much that I couldn’t see the shadows subtly lengthening under his eyes.

“You’re very kind.”

I wanted to shake my head again, to protest.

‘Kind?’

How was it kind of me to take him to a place that clearly held bad memories for him? A place I’d barely researched before dragging him all the way out to Negishi from the middle of Chinatown?

“I’m sorry... Rokuzou... Sasaki-san...”

I took in the fine lines around my mentor’s eyes—lines that I hadn’t noticed before in the harsh glare of the bright midday sun.

Who were the people whose names he had called? How were they connected to that refurbished tackle shop by the sea?

And why...?

I bit down harder on my lip.

Why did he sound like he was in so much pain when he whispered their names out loud?

I studied my companion, taking in his slightly hunched posture, his faraway gaze.

I should cheer him up. It was the least I could do after what I just put him through...

“H-hey, Kunikida-san?”

The blonde detective perked up a little at the sound of his own name.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and scooted closer.

“Have you... come to this park in the spring before?”

Kunikida looked me.

“No, I don’t think I have,” he said slowly. “Why do you ask?”

“Well...”

I gestured up, at the trees in the distance he’d just been staring at. As I’d looked at them earlier, I’d slowly recognized them as sakura trees and knew that in about a year’s time, their branches were sure to erupt in clouds of pale pink blossoms. It might be a little hard for Kunikida to picture it but I’d sketched enough of these in classes to know what I was talking about.

I looked back at my handsome mentor’s face and smiled.

“This just strikes me as a nice place to go flower-viewing in the spring,” I said, noting the way his sage-colored eyes seemed to brighten behind his thin, rectangular glasses.

I twiddled my fingers in my lap.

“I-if it’s something the rest of the Agency might be interested in,” I suggested, “I could organize a flower-viewing trip to the park next year in March?”

I paused.

“W-what do you think?”

“A company flower-viewing party next spring?” Kunikida mumbled, turning back to look at the scenery ahead.

A tiny smile slowly crept onto his face.

“That sounds nice,” he said, nodding a little as he continued to stare at the trees.

He glanced back at me and that tiny smile widened.

“But I thought we both agreed not to talk about work any more, in case Yosano-sensei somehow hears about it and decides to chop us both in half?”

I blanched.

“Shit, I forgot!”

But as I clapped my hands over my mouth and flushed in embarrassment, mortified that I’d caught myself swearing in front of my crush, Kunikida suddenly tipped his head back and started to laugh.

I stopped trying to cover my face and stared.

“K-Kunikida-san?!”

“Sorry,” Kunikida chuckled, “I was just teasing, Kusunoki-kun. I didn’t mean to laugh at you. It’s just—your face.”

He turned away and covered his mouth with his hand, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you make such a face before. It was just too funny, I couldn’t help myself.”

He let out one final chuckle and leaned back against the bench, crossing his legs in front of him and folding his hands in his lap.

“I’m sorry I was in such a strange mood earlier,” he said, running one hand through his hair as he looked out across the fields. “And I’m sure you have a lot of questions about what happened at the tackle shop and why I reacted the way I did but...”

His expression grew somber.

“I’m not quite ready to talk about these things with you. Not right now anyway. Maybe in the future, when you’ve gotten to know me and Dazai—”

I stiffened.

Dazai? What did he have to do with all this?

“—and the Agency a little better, we’ll be able to discuss it. But for now...”

He smiled softly.

“I want to say thank you,” he said, the look in his eyes radiating warmth and sincerity. “For cheering me up. I really needed that laugh...”

I felt my cheeks grow warm.

“No problem...”

Ah... he’s too brilliant...

I looked away, my cheeks glowing like the setting sun.

It’s hard to look directly at him when he’s smiling like this...!

But as my gaze finally settled on the neatly paved path in front of us, I caught sight of our shadows stretching across the road.

Our very long shadows stretching across the road...

I jerked up to look at the setting sun and gasped.

Oh, no...

I scrambled to my feet, startling Kunikida.

“Kusunoki?”

It was almost five. Almost the end of the official work day at the Agency and the end of my scheduled time together with Kunikida. I knew my mentor well enough to know that the moment the hour was up, he was going to get up from that bench, thank me politely for taking him out for the day and just leave. Probably for whatever location was next on his tightly packed agenda. President Fukuzawa might have ordered Kunikida to not do anything work-related during the day, but that didn’t mean he had to discontinue his evening routine, whatever that might be.

If I was going to confess, I was going to have to do it now, while the mood was still good!

I clenched my hands into fists.

“K-Kunikida-san...!”

Sweat was pouring down the back of my neck. I could feel the collar of my shirt sticking to my skin.

“I...”

Kunikida sat up a little as I struggled to speak.

“I...!”

“Yes...?” Kunikida asked patiently, his sage-green eyes locked on mine.

His lips parted and he spoke his next words in a low, husky whisper.

“What is it, Kusunoki-kun?”

Oh God...

I sagged a little on my feet under the man’s gentle gaze.

I can’t do this...

I slapped my hands over my burning face.

Not while he’s looking at me like that! It’s too much...!

“Are you... feeling alright?” Kunikida asked, his voice now tinged with concern. “Your face is really red.”

“Fine,” I mumbled, slouching forward. “I’m fine. I’m just... a little thirsty. That’s all…”

Spotting a set of vending machines just down the road, I turned towards Kunikida and gestured towards it rigidly.

“C-can I get you anything to drink, Kunikida-san?” I asked abruptly, as my companion blinked at me in surprise. “I’m sure you have a long journey back to your apartment complex later and uh, you know...”

I tried to smile but it felt strained.

“Good to stay hydrated, right?”

“Uh, sure...” Kunikida trailed off, looking at me oddly. “Then... green tea, please. If they have it.”

I nodded quickly.

“Be right back!”

And before he could say another word, I ran off.

Coward. Idiot. Moron.

I banged my head against the vending machine as I waited for the cans of tea to come out.

How could I have chickened out like that?!

How??

Over the past couple of months, I’d been chased down, shot at, blown up, dissected and strangled—not to mention slashed into ribbons by one of the most fearsome Ability Users in the entire country. How the hell had I faced down all of these threats and more, only to come out the other side unable to do something as simple as tell my crush that I liked him?!

I heard an echoing thud and opened my eyes to see that the canned drinks had tumbled into the receptacle by my feet.

I crouched down to pick them up and sighed.

I had to confess and I had to do it today! Who knew when I was going to get an opportunity like this again? Yosano, Kyouka and Atsushi (probably? I wasn’t exactly sure if the tiger boy actually knew what was going on) were all rooting for me. I’d even gone to the trouble of calling Dazai for help...!

I frowned.

Speaking of Dazai...

Why had Kunikida suddenly brought up his bandaged partner? And in the same breath as the fishing tackle store? Did that maniac know something that I didn’t?

Or worse...

I reached inside the receptacle for the first of the two cans.

“You already have everything you need...”

Had Dazai actually given me that hint so that he could sabotage my confession somehow? He was the type to play the long game, after all and I knew just how much he loved a good prank.

But then again...

I took the first can out and set it on the ground.

If that was the case...

Once again, I heard Dazai’s long, drawn-out sigh echoing in my ear.

“ You really want Kunikida-kun to like you, don’t you?” he asked quietly.

I took the second can out and studied its slightly dented surface.

Then why did he always sound so sad whenever he was talking to me about Kunikida-san?

I put my free hand over my face and closed my eyes.

Dazai Osamu...

What was he doing this for? Why was he helping me? Was it really all for the sake of some immeasurably cruel joke?

Or...

“ I know I’ve said and done a lot of things in the past,” Dazai said, his tone uncharacteristically serious. “But I need you to trust me on this one. I don’t lie during negotiations and since you’ve already held up your end of the bargain...”

He paused.

“ I’m all but obligated to help you. So, I’ll ask you again.”

I opened my eyes and stared at the slightly dented can on the ground.

“Kusunoki-kun...”

Was Dazai actually helping me because he genuinely cared about me?

“Do you trust me?”

“ I do,” I whispered aloud.

Rising onto my feet, I took out my cell phone and opened the photos back up.

“Kusunoki-kun... Sometimes things happen that you’re not ready for. Things like developing feelings for someone... But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to act on those feelings.”

I enlarged the first photo.

“Even if you’re not sure it’s right.”

It was possible that I’d gotten Dazai’s meaning all wrong.

I squinted at the pixels on the first image, examining the margins for any sign of bleeding ink from the previous page.

It was entirely possible that he hadn’t meant that I should be using Kunikida’s notebook to figure out how to make him happy...

I finished scrolling through the first image and went to the second one.

... But this was the only thing I had to go off of. And I wasn’t planning to call to ask about it again.

The second image yielded no results, so I went to the third.

I had to trust Dazai. I had to trust that the answers were somehow in my possession already and that it was because of my own blindness and stupidity that I’d missed them the first time.

I briefly lifted my eyes towards the treeline, where the bright orange ball of the sun was now grazing the tops of the deep green foliage.

And I had to trust that I would be able to find them in time in order to make this confession a successful one...

“...Kusunoki-kun?”

I jumped.

I was so focused on frantically searching through the photos for some kind of hint that I didn’t even hear Kunikida’s footsteps approaching from behind.

“ Kunikida- san! ”

I hid my cell phone behind my back and tried not to look suspicious.

“H-hey!” I quipped, all too aware of my twitchy smile and unnaturally stiff posture. “What’re you doing all the way over here?”

“Well,” Kunikida said, stopping just a little bit in front of me. “You were taking a while, so I thought I’d come over to see if everything was okay .”

He grew quiet.

His eyebrows knitted together, his lips turning downwards in a frown.

“ Is everything okay...? Kusunoki- kun? ”

Huh?

“Of course everything’s okay ,” I stammered, blindly trying to stuff my cell phone into my purse before realizing that it was actually hanging in front of me .

What’s with that reaction? Why is Kunikida looking at me like that?

“W-why wouldn’t it be?”

Kunikida’ s frown deepened .

“ Because this is the second time you’ve run off this afternoon,” he said, crossing his arms. “ With that look on your face .”

I stopped fumbling with my cell phone at once.

“ Eh?”

“First,” Kunikida explained, “there was the tea shop. You were looking pretty stressed out right before you ‘went to the bathroom,’ and when you left, you were gone for such a long time that I almost decided to ask the clerk to go and check in on you. But then, when you came back, you seemed to be doing so much better that I decided it was better for me not to ask.”

I felt my mouth drop open a little in surprise.

He... he noticed?

“ But then, you ran off again just now,” Kunikida said, gesturing to the vending machines behind me. “While you were clearly in the middle of trying to say something to me. It actually made me wonder if I’d done something wrong.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

“I thought maybe it was because of what happened at the tackle shop earlier. I started wondering if I should just pull myself together and tell you what happened. But then I realized…”

His gray-green eyes met mine.

“You’ve been stressed out all day, haven’t you?” Kunikida asked.

I was...

The cell phone I was holding behind my back slipped a little in my grasp.

I’d been trying to hide it from him all day, but he’d noticed anyway.

I couldn’t meet his gaze.

“Kusunoki- kun ...”

Kunikida sighed.

“I know that you were given the difficult task of helping me relax today,” he said, “but that shouldn’t come at the cost of your own peace of mind. You know ... ”

He took a step towards me.

“If there’s something bothering you—something besides just the schedule getting thrown off—you can talk to me about it. I’m your—”

He faltered for a moment, a streak of bright pink flooding across his face.

“I’m your mentor,” he said at last, his cheeks flushing redder. “And I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. Anything at all! No matter what it is. So, please...”

He studied my face.

“ L et me help you with it.”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

“ Kunikida- san ...”

No matter what it is...?

My cell phone slipped a little further in my hands.

Did he really mean that...?

“ I mean that, you know,” Kunikida said, as if reading my mind.

He took another step towards me.

“ But I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

What’s going on...

I parted my lips, the words beginning to form on the tip of my tongue.

Should I tell him?

I looked around the park, at the trees and fields of grass dyed in shades of orange and gold, as if set ablaze in the late-afternoon light. I glanced up at the road, where the last of a group of tourists was gradually making their way past the building in the distance, slowly exiting the grounds.

And finally...

I glanced back at the man in front of me, whose dirty-blonde bangs were blowing gently in the breeze, his thin ponytail flowing behind him like a ribbon made of silk. His gray-green eyes burned in the light of the setting sun.

I swallowed.

Was it really time?

“ Kunikida- san ...”

I took a tiny breath in and steeled myself.

“There... there actually was something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

Kunikida perked up.

“Oh?” he ask ed.

And before I could say another word, he slowly reached into his blazer—

“Alright. In that case...”

—and pulled out his notebook.

I froze.

“What did you want to tell me?” Kunikida asked, taking out his black-and-gold fountain pen and holding it at the ready.

But I could no longer speak . At the sight of that familiar olive-green notebook coming out of Kunikida’s blazer, I abruptly remembered exactly what I was hiding behind my back:

Photographs... of some of the most private pages in Kunikida’s notebook. The notebook he was holding in front of him right now.

My hands shook.

I couldn’t do this. I had no right.

Without thinking about what I was doing, I started backing away.

“ Kusunoki...?”

Lowering his notebook a little, Kunikida stared at me over the top of those lightly-bound pages.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t...” I whispered, my voice shaking as I spoke. “I can’t tell you...”

Kunikida’s eyes widened.

“What do you mean you can’t?” he asked, suddenly looking shocked.

But I shook my head and kept backing away.

I couldn’t confess to him. I wasn’t qualified to. I never was.

Kunikida’s ideal woman wouldn’t do something as underhanded as what I just did—what I’ve been doing this whole time.

I was never worthy of Kunikida to begin with.

“ I just can’t , okay?” I stammered, squeezing the cell phone behind my back so hard that my hands started to shake .

“ I’m so sorry, Kunikida- san . But I can’t tell you why I’ve been so stressed. Please don’t ask me any more about it.”

“ Why not?!” Kunikida asked.

He sounded genuinely alarmed now.

“Kusunoki—”

I felt my shoe bump into something metallic but I ignored it and kept backing away, my mind fully focused on pressing the right buttons on my phone so that I could delete the photos I had up on my screen.

But I couldn’t see what I was doing.

And I couldn’t see where I was going.

I heard a tiny metallic squeak as the heel of my left shoe pushed against something rounded and smooth. Without thinking, I put my weight down.

Kunikida’s eyes widened.

“ Watch out —!”

He reached out towards me but it was too late. I heard a weird crunching noise coming from beneath my shoe and before I knew what was happening, my leg suddenly shot out from under me.

My phone flew out of my hand.

“Ah—!”

Kunikida rushed towards me, his hand outstretched.

“ Kyou—!”

But I wasn’t looking at him. I was looking at my phone, watching helplessly as the thin, silvery device sailed through the air and away from me. I tried to reach for it but my arms were just too short...

I hit the ground without it.

“ Ow.. .”

Groaning, I sat up a little higher where I fell, wincing as I felt my backside bruising painfully underneath me. When I opened my eyes again, I saw that the bright green can of tea I’d forgotten to pick up earlier—the can I’d just stepped on, causing me to slip and fall—was rolling away from me like a wheel from a car wreck. And as it hit Kunikida’s shoe and came to an abrupt stop in front of him, I saw my cell phone lying face-up on the pavement between us.

Before I could get up and try to take it back, Kunikida stepped forward and scooped it up in his hand.

“ You dropped this ,” he said quietly.

He wasn’t smiling.

“Kunikida-san...”

I stumbled a little as I tried to get to my feet.

“ This isn’t what it looks like.” “Oh?”

Kunikida inclined his head towards the phone in his hand.

He flipped the phone around so that I could see the display. Even from where I was sitting, I could make out the neat penmanship and fine, dark strokes of Kunikida’s handwriting.

“It looks like you were hiding this from me. And that you went through my notebook, took a picture of a very private page and saved it to your phone. And I’m guessing...”

His jaw tightened.

“This isn’t the only one.”

From the way he said it, I got the feeling I didn’t need to answer.

Kunikida sighed.

He closed his notebook with a sharp snap but didn’t put it away. “Then, tell me. What does it look like? Because from here...”

“ Kusunoki... I’m not opposed to showing you things from my notebook if there’s something in it you’re interested in. Like I said, I’m your mentor and I completely understand if you want to see my schedules, plans or ideals, or even just see how I work. But this...!”

At once his expression grew pained.

“ This is what you were hiding from me?” Kunikida asked, his tone tinged with shock and disbelief. “ This is what you were running off to check all day? I don’t understand. Kusunoki...!! ”

He ran his hand through his hair, looking hurt and confused.

“Why were you so interested in these particular pages?”

“ Kunikida- san ...”

I bit my lip.

“You really don’t know...?”

Kunikida shook his head.

“There’s a reason I have the photos of those pages ,” I told him, gradually rising up before his eyes . “ A very good one...”

I slowly got to my feet.

“ Do you remember my very first day at work, Kunikida- san ? When you took me downstairs to get lunch together at the Uzumaki Cafe? You told me that everything there is to know about you —no ...”

I shook my head.

“That everything you consider important about yourself—is written in that little green book.”

I stood before him.

“I kept those photographs because I wanted to study them,” I said, my voice growing stronger as I spoke. “I wanted to know exactly what kind of woman was Kunikida-san’s type... because...”

I swallowed dryly.

“ I wanted to become that woman. What I’m trying to say is...”

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

“Kunikida- san ...”

I opened them and looked straight ahead into Kunikida Doppo’s beautiful sage-gray eyes.

“I’m in love with you.”

For a moment, there was only silence.

Then, his lips slowly parted. *** (stop playing music here)

“...what?”

“I’m in love with you,” I repeated, my face growing warm at last. “I’ve been in love with you... For a long time now... I...”

I clutched at my chest, twisting and wrinkling the fabric of my shirt.

“I was planning to tell you at the end of the day today, just...”

I bit my lip again.

“ Just not like this...”

I heard Kunikida breathe a sigh.

“Kusunoki...”

“ I’m sorry I kept those pictures of your notebook and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier!” I said in a rush. “It’s just... I didn’t know what else to do.”

I looked away .

“ Kunikida-san...” I mumbled, staring at my feet. “I’ve been in love with you ever since we finished our first case together. When you first saved me at that art gallery, I thought you were amazing. You were so strong and brave and selfless . But then, when I started working at the Agency and you became my mentor, I realized...”

I felt my face burn even hotter under Kunikida’s silent gaze.

“N ot only are you strong and brav e, you’re patient and kind as well. I don’t know how you were able to deal with someone as useless as me, especially considering how often I messed up but...! Then I realized!”

I looked back up at him.

“ Kunikida- san is kind because he cares ...”

I felt my voice breaking.

“And it’s because you care so much that you work so hard. You’re always working so hard, Kunikida-san! For the sake of those around you!”

At those words, Kunikida suddenly twitched.

“I think it’s incredible how you’re always looking to see the good in everyone. Even me... In fact, I think it’s one of the best things about you.”

For some reason, Kunikida was shaking his head, but I pressed on.

“ You’re always helping people, always looking to make this world a better place, one case at a time. And you have. You’ve saved so many people, Kunikida-san...! You’ve saved me—!”

BSD Music 1

“ YOU’RE WRONG!!” Kunikida burst out .

I stopped talking immediately.

“Kunikida- san ...?”

“I said...” Kunikida whispered, his voice cracking as he spoke. “I said you’re wrong. I’m nothing like the man you’ve just described. I’m not...”

He covered his face with one hand, his posture visibly crumpling. Alarmed, I ran to him but h is next words stopped me dead in my tracks .

“ I’m not that incredible at all.”

“ Yes, you are!” I exclaimed, confused and frightened. “Didn’t you hear anything I just said? I’ve wanted to tell you how I felt for such a long time, but I never worked up the nerve—”

“Kusunoki.”

Once again I was struck silent.

Something was wrong. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. I didn’t know what kind of reaction I was expecting after confessing and laying my heart out on the line but it wasn’t this—!

“ I haven’t saved as many people as you think I have ,” Kunikida said quietly, his hand still over his eyes.

“In fact, I’ve failed...”

He gripped his notebook in his hand with my cell phone, his knuckles going white against the stark black lettering. The kanji for “Ideal” shook in his grip.

“... more times than I can count. ”

“Kunikida-san...”

“ Kusunoki- kun .”

Kunikida dropped his hand away from his face.

“Please don’t talk about things you don’t understand. There are so many things that happened before you joined the Agency—”

Like the thing that happened at the tackle shop?

“Things that would make you shrink in horror— things that would make you hate me, if you knew...!”

“ I could never hate you !” I cried, clutching my chest. “ Never! Why don’t you t ell me what happened and then let me decide for myself?”

But Kunikida was shaking his head again.

“ I can’t do that,” he said. “ There’s just too much to say. Too much that I can’t properly explain.”

He lowered his gaze.

“My misdeeds are a weight I must carry on my own . It wouldn’t be right of me to burden you with them.”

“Even if I want to share the load?” I whispered aloud.

Kunikida’s eyes sharpened .

“ You’re a compassionate girl, Kusunoki- kun, ” he said, his eyes softening just a little. “And your kindness is just one of the many qualities that make you well-suited to being a member of the Armed Detective Agency . But you should never—never—offer to carry a load when you don’t understand just how heavy it is.”

He took my cell phone out and held it in front of him, gazing wretchedly at it.

“If you knew the truth about me... about the things I’ve done, the people I’ve hurt...”

He bit his lip and squeezed the cell phone in his hand, anguish written into every feature of his handsome face as he stared at it.

“ I wonder if you would still feel the way you do.”

“ Why...?”

At the sound of my voice, Kunikida looked back up.

“Why do you talk about yourself like this?” I asked, letting my hands drop away from my chest. “Why do you talk about yourself as if you’re a despicable person? I don’t understand...”

I took a step towards him.

“Kunikida-san... what could you have possibly done to make you see yourself in such a way?”

Don’t tell me...

I swallowed uneasily, thinking of his skill with a gun.

Don’t tell me he’s killed before...?

Unfortunately, my thoughts must have shown on my face, because Kunikida took one look at me and backed a step away.

“ Kunikida- san ... Please...”

I took another step forward for Kunikida’s one back.

“No matter what you’ve seen... No matter what you’ve done... I still think you’re a good person. I know you are.”

“You don’t know that, Kusunoki-kun.”

“ Yes, I do!” I cried. “ Because I’ve seen it! You hel ped me rescue Mei- chan and the other kidnapped women. You took me to see Katai- san and shielded me when the apartment nearby suddenly exploded onto the street. You dropped everything in the middle of the day to drive to an abandoned dormitory just for the sake of saving one man’s life!”

I balled my hands into fists.

“Can’t you see?”

Can’t you see yourself the way I see you?

Tears were openly flowing down my cheeks.

“ You were always there for me. You’ve been helping me this whole time. You’ve saved me... O ver and over and over again! Kunikida- san ...! ”

Unclenching my hands, I slowly lifted them up towards the man in front of me.

“ How could I not fall in love with you?”

Following my words, silence fell throughout the park once more.

Kunikida did not answer. He just watched as I stood there before him, my tears doing the rest of the talking for me. Only when I finally lifted my hands back up to my face, to wipe them away, did Kunikida speak at last.

“Is this how you really feel? Kusunoki-kun?”

I stopped wiping my tears just long enough to let out a tiny sniffle.

“Yes.”

I nodded a little.

“Yes, that’s how I really feel.”

Kunikida’s mouth flattened into a thin line. He grew quiet once more and I could tell by the look in his gray-green eyes that he was clearly thinking about something. Then, he sighed.

“I see.”

He stared at his notebook for a moment, then gazed back up at me.

“I’m sorry, Kusunoki-kun.”

Eh...?

“But if that’s how you really feel about me...”

His expression wavered, his eyes searching mine.

“Then I can’t accept your feelings.”

Insert song: Blind to You

What...?

“ Here.”

He tossed my cell phone back to me .

“ I’m not going to ask you how you got those photos. Nor will I ask how long you’ve had them either. But I will ask that you delete them.”

“ W-wait,” I stammered. “ Kunikida- san— ”

“ Those pictures,” Kunikida cut me off, “are from a notebook I haven’t used in a long time— a notebook that I keep in my locker at work because it is full and can no longer be used for combat or for other purposes .”

I stiffened.

“ What?”

“In other words,” Kunikida said, “I wrote that list a long time ago. Long before you came to the Agency.”

He paused to look down at his notebook once more.

“ A lot of things have happened since then,” h e continued. “ Enough to make me question both the list and my values. I’ve been told before that the list was...”

His expression became strained.

“‘Too much...’ to use Sasaki -san’s words exactly. And after she passed— ”

I twitched.

That name again...

“—I couldn’t bring myself to look at these pages the same way again.”

He studied me.

“ I don’t think any of our coworkers are aware of the things I’ve just told you,” he said quietly. “ So I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d gotten some of your ideas from them or if they actually corroborated them . But I am disappointed...”

He sighed.

“I wish you could’ve just talked to me about things and tried to get to know me normally instead of doing—”

He gestured in the air.

“ This . All this sneaking around behind my back... It’s not like you, Kusunoki- kun .”

I flinched. Being physically struck would have hurt less.

“I actually had fun today, you know,” Kunikida mumbled . “And I get the feeling that if you hadn’t been worrying over this list and trying to make everything as perfect as possible, then maybe...”

He ran his hand through his hair one more time, his gaze lingering on the dented can of tea that had rolled to a stop by his foot.

He sighed again.

“ I just have one final question for you.”

“ What is it?” I asked quietly, my phone feeling heavy in my hands.

“ Tell me,” Kunikida whispered, dropping his hand at last.

His expression was pained.

“When you were planning to tell me about the photos?”

When...?

“I...” I started.

When would have been the right time to tell him? I’d have to come clean after we got together. It wouldn’t sit right with me, otherwise.

But when?

After our first date? No. That was too soon. He’d be hurt and betrayed, just like he was today. Enough that he would end things right there. But what if I waited a few years, after we’d really gotten comfortable with each other?

I bit my lip.

No, wait... What if things went further than that? What if we got married? Would it be best to tell him before we were engaged or wait until after the ceremony? Would he leave me at the alter or forgive me eventually? But what if I waited too long or decided never to tell him?

How long was I willing to keep the secret?

I pictured transferring the photos from device to device. Keeping printouts in a shoebox in the closet while I fed our first child in the kitchen. Taking the secret with me to the grave as an old woman, lying on the truth hidden just underneath my mattress.

But then I realized...

A single, heavy tear rolled down my cheek.

I’d rather kill myself than choose a lifetime of hiding the truth from the man I loved.

I hung my head.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “But I would. I would have told you before things had gotten too far.”

Kunikida nodded.

“I think so, too,” he admitted, glancing down at the notebook in his hand.

He turned away from me and faced the path ahead, his gray-green eyes fixed upon the exit and his profile bathed in the dull orange glow of the setting sun.

“Thank you for telling me the truth, Kusunoki-kun,” he said.

He brought his hand up to his face to readjust his glasses.

“I appreciate that we were able to talk a little.”

His expression growing somber, he dropped his hand and shot a quiet look over his shoulder at me, not quite smiling but not quite frowning either.

“Let’s just keep what happened today between us,” he said softly, “due to the nature of our workplace relationship. I’m flattered and I appreciate your feelings for me, but...”

He looked away.

“I’m afraid I cannot return them.”

Stuffing one hand into his pocket, Kunikida turned away from the sunset and began walking away.

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow, Kusunoki-kun. Don’t stay out too late.”

No...

I stood frozen behind him, staring after his tall, broad-shouldered figure as he headed for the gates in the distance.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way...!

I clutched at the phone in my grip.

I had to do something. I had to find some way to make this right! I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just let Kunikida go like this—!

And as my gaze fell upon his bare hand slowly trailing after him as he moved, I thought of a solution.

A stupid, desperate solution.

My Ability.

I ran after him.

“Kunikida-san, wait..!!”

I reached out my hand.

I knew there was no taking back what had just happened, no fixing anything that had happened in the past... but what about the future?

I gritted my teeth as Kunikida’s hand swung backwards towards mine.

If I could just see what lay ahead, find a path forward, through this mess, then perhaps one day, I could still make Kunikida mine...?

My fingertips were just millimeters away from the man’s bare skin.

I’d used my Ability to change the future before. So, why not now? Why not make the change that I desperately needed the most? Why not change my future and his for the happy ending I craved more than anything else?

Almost there...

I braced myself for the pull.

Just a little further...!

But just as his hand was almost in my grasp, Kunikida abruptly turned around and spotted me.

“KUSUNOKI!!”

I stopped reaching for him at once.

“What are you doing?” Kunikida whispered, his gray eyes wide with shock.

He jerked his hand away from mine with a sharp snap.

“I already gave you my answer,” he said, tucking both his hands away.

I felt my heart sink.

He knew...

“This needs to stop.”

He knew what I was doing—what I was about to do...

I felt my knees start to wobble and shake.

“Go home, Kusunoki-kun,” Kunikida sighed, his expression every bit as weary as his voice. “You’ve done enough.”

He turned back towards the road.

“You’ve done more than enough.”

And as he picked up his feet and walked away one final time, I felt my legs crumple underneath me. My cell phone hit the pavement right next to my knees.

“Kunikida-san...”

My vision blurred and swam and I could only watch helplessly through a curtain of tears as the tall, blonde detective walked further and further away from me and disappeared down the road.

It’s over...

“What have I done...?” I whispered as the tears continued to leak out of the corners of my eyes.

I really never was worthy of Kunikida Doppo to begin with.

And before I could stop it, a sudden sob burst from my mouth; I covered my face with my hands and cried into my open palms, my cell phone lying forgotten at my side.

And I’d just proved it...

How could I have done this?

How could I have tried to use my Ability on the man I loved?!

I could hear the trees rustling in the wind, the air around me in the park growing colder as the sun disappeared over the horizon at last. But I didn’t move from my spot. I just kept sitting there on my legs, sobbing as the day turned into night. Hating myself and hating everything I’d done.

Was I really willing to override his wishes—what he explicitly told me—in order to gain his affections?!

I sniffled loudly as the wind began to pick up.

“ I’m the worst. The worst...! ”

***(Stop music here)

And as the chill of the night breeze slowly began to fade at last, I finally wiped at my eyes and took my hands away from my face. I stared at the cell phone on the ground, which had fallen face-up once again, the image clearly visible on the scuffed-up screen that of a page from Kunikida’s notebook.

The kanji displayed showed Trait Number Seventeen: “Honesty.”

I picked it up.

“Honesty, huh?” I mumbled to myself.

I clicked a few buttons and hit “delete.” But another image of the notebook popped up instead.

I sighed heavily.

If I really did love Kunikida, then I should do what he asked: delete all of the images associated with his notebook and go home.

I clicked a few more buttons.

When all of the images of Kunikida’s notebook had been deleted at last, I closed the app and went to the maps. But just as I was about to look up directions to my apartment from here, my phone suddenly buzzed to life with an incoming call.

I blinked at the screen.

“Yosano-sensei?”

Confused, I hit “accept.”

“H-hello?”

“Kyou-chan!”

Yosano’s voice was cheery; I could hear people moving about in the background behind her. Was she still at the Agency? A restaurant maybe?

“So...?” she drawled, a hint of a tease sneaking into her voice. “How did it go? Hope I’m not interrupting anything right now...”

“No.”

I let my gaze drop to the patch of dirt on the front of my skirt.

“You’re not.”

“Huh? Kyou-chan...?”

Yosano sounded confused.

“Why do you sound so glum?”

I heard her breath hitch over the phone.

“Wait, don’t tell me—”

“I messed up,” I mumbled, still staring at the patch of dirt.

There was a small rip hidden in this part of the fabric, but it didn’t really matter. Even if the skirt had been completely whole and clean, because of the memories, I still wouldn’t be able to wear it again after today.

“I did something that I shouldn’t have,” I told her, picking at the rip on my skirt.

The fabric began to wrinkle and fray.

“ Something terrible. And now...”

I sucked in a tiny, shaky breath, unwilling to let myself cry in front of another member of the Agency today .

“Now there’s no way he’ll return my feelings any more.”

“Oh, Kyou- chan... ” Yosano breathed .

I thought I heard the clinking of a mug against a table.

“ And here I thought this would work out perfectly,” she mumbled, her tone at once both pensive and disappointed.

“It was one of Dazai’s better ideas after all, and we all know just what happens whenever he’s the one making the plans…”

**https://youtu.be/_4nESyjxjIM?t=194

I stopped breathing.

“What...?”

“ Aha...” Yosano’s chuckle was weak. “You heard that, didn’t you?”

I had.

She sighed.

“ Okay, I’ll just come right out with it,” she said. “Last week, when President Fukuzawa called both me and Dazai into his office to talk, I had no idea what he wanted. We rarely work together and even when there is an assignment that specifically requires both me and him, it’s usually something involving the entire Agency. Which is why I only understood when the President brought up Kunikida...”

I brought the phone closer to my ear as she continued speaking.

“You see, it is true that Kunikida hasn’t taken a break in some time. Furthermore, his last several assignments have really taken it out of him. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

I nodded, feeling my pulse quickening as I listened to Yosano’s words.

“ So of course, we realized the man needed a break . The question was, how to enforce it .”

Above me, the street lamps began to flicker on, one by one, as the sun finally finished dipping below the horizon.

“That’s when Dazai suggested that you tag along with him.”

I felt my grip tightening around my phone.

“ Did he... say why?”

“No, but I don’t think he had to. I thought it was a great idea, myself, so as soon as the meeting ended, I went to find you.”

“I see...”

I trailed off, my gaze lingering on the path ahead as the park steadily grew darker around me. A cold wind began to blow through the trees.

“ Ah, Kyou- chan? ” Yosano inquired. “Where exactly are you right now? If you’re not feeling so well, I can come get you and we can maybe talk a little at my place—”

“No, that’s okay, Yosano- sensei ,” I told her.

I slowly got to my feet.

“I... actually have somewhere I need to go. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?”

“A-are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, turning towards the exit. “Don’t worry about me, sensei . I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, then.”

Yosano sounded doubtful.

“Good night, Kyou- chan .”

“Good night.”

I hung up the phone and stuffed it into my purse. Then, I walked down the path, exited the park and headed for the train station.

Dazai Osamu.

I stared at the tiny, glass name plate before me, the deep, black lettering still clearly visible beneath the reflected shine of the bright, full moon.

It had taken nearly two full hours for me to get here from the train station in Negishi—two hours in which I wandered through Yokohama in a fog, replaying my conversation with Yosano over and over again in my head...

It was Dazai who suggested I accompany Kunikida on his day off.

Dazai, who sent me those notebook pages back when he learned about my crush.

Dazai, who told me I already had everything I needed when I called him on the phone earlier today...

I kept staring at the name plate next to the door.

This was his fault.

I didn’t know how or why but it had to be.

How else could things have gone this badly, if not thanks to the hidden orchestrations of his half-bandaged hand?

A sudden burst of canned laughter came from a room several doors down and I winced. Even though I knew it was probably just the Tanizaki siblings watching a little early evening television, some small, irrational part of me still wondered if the laughter was directed at me.

I went back to staring at the door in front of me, the silence emanating from beyond that thin slab of wood washing over me like a thick, oppressive fog.

What was Dazai doing in there?

Reading comics? Playing video games?

I frowned.

No, it was far too quiet for him to be doing either of those things. Whenever he was goofing off at work, he’d almost always do it in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible—whatever was likely to gain him the most attention from whoever happened to be nearby. Of course, this usually ended in him getting yelled at or even body-slammed by Kunikida...

I felt my fingers tightening around my bag as I thought once more of the tall, blonde detective—the man who had just rejected me.

Clenching my jaw, I raised my fist to the door and knocked.

“Dazai-san?”

But no one answered.

I felt my eyebrows knitting together.

“Hey, Dazai-san?” I called a little louder, knocking more forcefully. “Are you in there?”

But as I looked to the window, I realized that the curtains were drawn and the lights were all off.

Maybe he wasn’t home right now...?

But no sooner had the thought crossed my mind than I heard something clattering around inside. Like the clunking of something heavy against a floor or table.

My mouth flattened into a line.

So he was home.

“I can hear you in there, you know,” I snapped, banging on the door. “Open the door, Dazai! I need to talk to—”

The door abruptly swung inwards.

“—you.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat.

“Ohh! Is that you, Kyou-chan?” a merry voice called from inside the darkened hallway.

A single, pale hand latched onto the metal door frame and slowly pulled its owner forward.

“What brings you to my humble abode in the middle of the night?”

“Dazai..!”

I brought my fingers to my lips, my eyes widening as I beheld the man now standing in the doorway.

“What...”

I took a step backwards, dropping my purse.

“What were you doing in there?” I whispered.

Dazai blinked at me, his normally sharp, inquisitive gaze looking oddly dulled and unfocused.

One side of his dark, tousled hair was sticking up the wrong way, like he’d been lying down moments before getting up and answering the door. His black vest was missing and his bolo tie was in complete disarray. Some of the bandages were coming loose from around his skinny neck and as I followed the swaths of tightly bound fabric down the front of his chest (just how far down did they go?), I saw that half the buttons of his thin, striped shirt were completely undone. And as I let my gaze travel further down his form, past his pale, wrinkled slacks, I spotted his tan trench coat, lying in a heap just beyond the open door.

That’s when I noticed the smell...

“Well...”

Dazai grinned and shifted a little so that he was leaning against the door frame. He crossed one bandaged arm over his chest and lifted the other into the air, a tiny porcelain sake cup held firmly in his left hand.

“What does it look like I was doing?” he asked, raising it to his lips.

“You were drinking...?” I stammered.

My eyes darted to the pitch-black rooms beyond his foyer.

“Alone? In the dark?”

“Bingo!” Dazai chirped, toasting me with the cup. “That’s correct! One point to you, Kyou-chan. But minus one point for answering in the form of a question.”

He drained the remaining liquid inside in one gulp.

“This isn’t a quiz show, you know.”

I had no words.

“So?” Dazai quipped, pausing to take a massive bottle of sake out from behind his front door and pouring himself another round. “Now that I’ve answered your question, it’s time for you to answer mine.”

He set the empty bottle down outside.

“What brings you here to my apartment in the middle of the night?” he asked, studying me over the rim of his tiny cup. “Are you here to join me in a celebratory drink? Or maybe...”

His grin widened into a lopsided smirk.

“You’ve changed your mind and you’re actually here to confess your feelings to me, instead?”

I froze.

“Just kidding,” Dazai chuckled, raising the cup to his lips once more. “If you were gonna do that, I might as well invite you in and ask you to commit double suicide with me—”

“You...”

Sensing my tone, Dazai paused mid-sip.

“Was that your game this whole time?” I whispered, my voice shaking.

I could feel my hands balling into fists as I spoke.

“Was that why you messed up my chances with Kunikida-san? Because you wanted that badly for me to join you in that double suicide?!”

Dazai frowned.

“Kyou-chan,” he said, lowering his cup slightly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you explain—”

“Oh, like you really don’t know?” I retorted, my eyes flashing. “Don’t give me that bullshit. You knew! You knew exactly what was going to happen when I finally confessed! That’s why you sent me those photographs of Kunikida-san’s notebook that day at the Agency. That’s why you insisted I go along with him on today’s assignment! That’s why—!”

My voice broke.

“That’s why you told me I ‘already had everything I needed!’ Because you knew! You knew everything that was going to happen from the very beginning and you—!”

Tears poured down my cheeks.

“You arranged for it—!”

I raised my open palm into the air and Dazai’s eyes grew wide.

“All because you wanted me to go along with your sick aspiration—!” I cried, bringing my hand back and preparing to swing.

How long had I dreamed about this moment?

How many times had I envisioned wiping that stupid smirk off of Dazai Osamu’s face? Cutting off those smart remarks, those aggravating taunts, all with one well-deserved slap across the cheek?

I must have pictured this moment at least half a dozen times while I was still sitting on the train, the dark, vengeful aura gathering around me like a miasma thick enough to ward off both children and adults alike.

But as I took a step forward, my open palm raised and held at the ready, I saw the look in his clear, brown eyes.

And as I watched, the tall, bandaged brunette tossed his empty sake cup backwards over his shoulder, tucked his hands into his pockets and waited.

Dazai...

I faltered.

He... he wasn’t going to dodge it?

My lower lip quivered.

Why not...?

Distantly, I thought back to the way Dazai had looked at me when he’d lied about Mrs. Yamazaki’s death. His eyes had been somber and dull with guilt back then, the bright amber tones of his warm brown eyes rapidly fading to dun as he looked at me and accepted my rage.

But tonight...

I felt my hand lowering by itself, all momentum lost.

Tonight, I was standing before a drunken man whose gaze betrayed no hint of fear or regret or shame.

No.

Tonight, I was looking at a Dazai Osamu who knew as well as I did that he had been wrongfully accused...

My hand fell limply at my side as I beheld his disheveled form, the bandages started to unravel from around his neck and left wrist.

...and yet he was willing to accept the punishment anyway.

“Dazai... san...”

I couldn’t do it.

I let out a dry sob.

I couldn’t hit a man who looked like he’d lost all will to live.

“DAZAI—!!”

Insert Song: "Saving Us"

And before I could think about what I was doing, I launched myself forward—

“Kyou—?!” Dazai squawked, his mouth falling open in shock. “Wait—!”

—and threw myself into his arms.

“Wait a minute—!!”

His words ended in a sharp gasp as I wrapped my arms around his neck, the forward momentum of my sudden rush knocking all the air out of his thin, wiry body. As we sailed through the open door of his darkened apartment and crashed onto the hardwood floor below, I thought I heard the sound of muffled cheering from the television down the hall.

“Dazai...!” I sobbed, thick, salty tears leaking out of my eyes and soaking into the thin, wrinkled fabric of his open dress shirt.

“Dazai...!!”

As I lay there on top of him, crying quietly into his warm, bandaged chest, I felt him slowly stir. It took me a moment to realize that the soft, sporadic tremors wracking his body was a wave of laughter.

I loosened my hold just enough to look at him.

“Dazai?”

“Ahh, how hard did I hit my head just now?” Dazai mused, gazing down at me with undisguised warmth. “Is this a dream? Or a hallucination?”

His eyes were a little unfocused.

“But what a wonderful hallucination this is!”

His cheeks grew flushed and his beautiful amber eyes seemed to glow even in the dim, yellow light of the lamps from the hall.

“My adorable little Kyou-chan... My sweet, Camellia blossom... All dressed up and coming over in the middle of the night—just to cling to me!”

His thin, bandaged arms slowly wrapped around my shoulders and waist.

“Lying on top of me, no less.”

He sighed and closed his eyes.

“If this is a dream, don’t wake me up...”

His arms tightened around me.

“Ah...”

He sighed again.

“Please, don’t wake me up...”

“Dazai...”

I sniffled a little and tightened my grip around his neck.

“He rejected me, Dazai... Kunikida-san, he—!”

A fresh wave of hot, bitter tears surged forth and I sucked in another small, shaky breath to try to calm myself.

“He told me that he couldn’t accept—that he couldn’t return my feelings for him! Why, Dazai, why?!” I whimpered, burying my face in his chest. “What did you do?!”

But even as I spoke the words, I knew that there was nothing I could accuse him of.

This wasn’t Dazai’s fault.

It never was.

It was mine.

I was the one who had overstepped my boundaries. I was the one who’d kept the photos and tried to use my Ability on the man I loved.

I was the one who was “No Longer Human.”

“Kyou-chan..."

I felt a hand, large, warm and comforting, descend on top of my head.

“I didn’t do anything, Kyou-chan,” Dazai murmured.

He began stroking my hair.

“It wouldn’t have been right. I may have dreamed of committing the perfect double suicide for years now, but I would never try to trick or force a woman into doing it with me. In fact...”

His hand traveled from my hair to my cheek.

“I think that would actually count as a murder-suicide. And I would certainly kill myself before I hurt you, Kyou-chan.”

Dazai smiled.

“You know that, right?”

“You—you’re drunk,” I hiccuped, smiling in spite of myself. “You’re crazy and you’re drunk.”

“And so I am, Kyou-chan,” Dazai breathed. “So I am. But, then again...”

He smirked.

“I’m not the one who came barging into a drunk man’s home in the middle of the night in order to commit assault.”

“It’s seven thirty,” I mumbled. “And this isn’t an assault.”

“You could make it one, if you really wanted,” Dazai teased, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Hard pass.”

“Aww...”

Dazai laughed and without meaning to, I started laughing too. But as I lay there in his arms, I suddenly thought of my other mentor, the man whose arms I’d wanted so badly to be in that I’d deliberately chosen to lie to him. The breath I was about to take abruptly changed into a dry sob.

“Oh, Kyou-chan.”

And as Dazai’s bandaged arms slowly tightened around me once more, I buried my face into his cotton shirt and broke down at last, the sound of my sobs echoing around us in the dark, narrow hallway of Dazai’s apartment.

“There, there,” Dazai murmured, soothingly rubbing my back. “I’m here. Let it all out. There’s a good girl.”

“I loved him, Dazai,” I hiccuped, choking on the salty taste of my own tears. “I really, really did.”

“I know. I know...”

And as I lay there in the hallway, crying into the bandaged brunette’s shoulder, breathing in the sharp, sweet, heady scent of convenience store sake, I felt Dazai shift ever so slightly underneath me.

“Looks like you finally fell into my arms,” he chuckled. “This isn’t exactly what I was hoping for but, hey...”

He sighed.

“I’ll take it.”

I looked up to see him staring up at the sky, his deep brown eyes reflecting the light of the full, shining moon as it shone down on us from the open door.

“Dazai?”

Dazai smiled.

“Stay as long as you like, Kyou-chan,” he whispered, bringing one hand to my face and wiping away my tears.

His expression softened.

“Even when you’re crying, you’re still oh-so-cute... my sweet Camellia blossom.”

I nodded and as I lay in Dazai’s arms, sniffling and trembling as waves of emotion over took me, I could feel him rubbing my back.

“I’ll be here...”

#dazai x oc #kunikida x oc #if a moment is all we are #fanfiction #bsd

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years ago

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mtmte liveblog issue 16

here we go, the crux of the pain...

ok I'm not prepared for this but I gotta rip the bandaid off, lets go

oh!!! magnus flashbacks!! I honestly thought these were shown later...this is such cool setup for the next arc tho I love it

and the tieback to the scavengers ark, showing fulcrum’s flashback but from magnus’s perspective, as the guy labelled with ‘ultra magnus’ blows him up...

and like, I love that those flashbacks are so vague, and you don't even really know why you're being shown them - I feel like when I first read this I assumed it was to show a bunch of times where magnus almost died but didn't even though he was expected to die - like here w/overlord - but we’ll soon find out that's not quite the case...

and I like the little details that don't add up, like the second flashback-magnus having his autobrand at an angle (which current-magnus would obviously hate), and the ‘witty banter’ remark about 3rd flashback-magnus, which could very well be genuine

oh god oh christ the shot of the lost light flying away from the wreckage of the pod and you can see rewinds broken camera just floating there...fuckgin kill me bro

tg wiping off mangus’s leg because ‘he hates dirt’ tailgate ;_; ily

drift just chillin with 0 legs left

augh poor tailgate, he’s uniquely unprepared for the horrors of battle after sitting out the whole war

oh god, chromedome is standing on the outside of the ship being sad, I already cant handle this

ohhhh god cd talking about him and rewind looking at the stars together ;_; excuse me while I cry my eyes out

chromedome, you have the worst goddamn coping mechanisms

never over rodimus’s office having flames around the door. my guy

magnus invented a font? that makes so much sense somehow

rodimus is worried about his dad :(

damnnnnn rung with that absolutely BRUTAL read on rodimus, oof. way to kick someone when they're down...ouch

but really, rodimus’s hero complex is so fascinating, especially bc he’s aware that he has it to some degree, and he’s not necessarily a bad person, so he tries somewhat to avoid playing into it, but that's a difficult thing to do...

brainstorm hugging his briefcase like that at the funeral...hhhh

swerve, the ‘case quest’ sounds like a spectacularly bad idea

god I'm so sad this whole issue but rodimus giving this big impassioned funeral speech that seems like its about rewind, only for it to REALLY be about some guy who turns into a tripod....really funny

godddd chromedome and brainstorm sitting together, and cd staring at his (remaining) hand....bro :(((

super interested in the fact that rodimus is religious, even though he’s not really overt about it, and it’s not touched on much in the story

rung staring intensely and accusingly at rodimus....jesus that's intimidating

chromedome is clearly uh. Not Coping well, which anyone could see after his “speech” about rewind

brainstorm giving cd that Look :( oh man oh god

GODDDDDDDD the reveal that chromedome has been through this THREE TIMES before, and every single time has chosen to forget, and the whole thing w/the innermost energon...im fucking devastated m8. god

hhhhh and brainstorm saying that he knows cd will go through with it, because they've had this same conversation multiple times before...fucking kill me

also brainstorm and cd’s friendship is so AUGHHHHH my heart man. earlier on they're friendly assholes to each other but now we get to see that they both have a lot of deep emotions

oh god and now the whole thing with drift. hhhhhh this issue HURTS man

thinkin abt how brainstorm, while talking to cd, said that he thinks that drift ‘has the urge to name names’ but really, drift threw himself on the sword and took ALL the blame, even though cd even said, a lot of it was on him for going into the cell without telling anyone...plus brainstorm (and as we later find out, rodimus) is involved as well....AUGH

and drift being cast out so harshly seems rough, even though we know what he (and the others) did was bad

also looks like magnus is reanimating himself over in the medbay...i love all the symbolism with magnus’s hand this issue

OH GOD OH NO I CANT HANDLE THIS. REWINDS GOODBYE MESSAGE IS SERIOUSLY THE BIGGEST TEARJERKER IN THE STORY

‘you and me apart strikes me as intensely wrong’ I'm literally weeping. hello. I cant fucking handle this

NOOOO GODDDD I seriously cant deal with rewinds message overlaid onto drift leaving the ship, and being attacked as he goes, and then ratchet helping him up with ‘you're a better person now - stubborn and frustrating but wonderful!’ over the panels AUGHHHH my heart cant handle any of this. my organs are shutting down as we speak

god I'm just ugly crying @ the end of the message.... ‘one more thing - one last thing - because I don't say it enough...I love you’ AUGHHHH

and its rewind himself who says the ‘I love you’ ;_; LOOK HOW HARD I CAN CRY!!!!!!!!!!!

and the panels of chromedome retracting his needles...he was ready to go through w/it just like brainstorm said but rewind was able to convince him otherwise from beyond the grave ;_; its about the LOVE man

like...rewind might not have known about cd’s past husbands and all the bad coping mechanism nonsense surrounding all that (or maybe he did? unclear) but either way, he knows chromedome so well by now, and knows that he’d be devastated by rewind dying, and so he leaves him this final message....additionally, I feel like rewind, being an archivist, would loathe the idea of being erased from the memory of the person who cares for him the most, and his goodbye message succeeded in preventing that

next, to give us a break from extreme emotional devastation brought about by gay robots, we check in with magnus, who has decided he’s had enough of all of this nonsense and has vacated the premise, somehow

aaaaand right back to being hit by a metaphorical emotional bat, because it looks like tailgate’s gonna die posthaste!

I really love how the character profile descriptions change periodically

SO...this issue...this ARC....GODDDD. I mean its clear from my liveblogs that this destroyed me emotionally, phew....

I will say, I think the writing here is so excellent - this little 3-issue ‘arc’ felt like it had been built up to perfectly from the very beginning, and it all came together in a well-paced and devastating conclusion here

I mean, this isn't the end of s1, we still have remain in light, but a lot of plot points wrapped up here. I don't know much about comics but I feel like they can get cancelled pretty fast, and idek how many issues mtmte was ‘guaranteed’ at this point, so I really commend jro & co for being able to construct such a fantastic story with a solid conclusion, while also setting up a bunch more plotlines for what would hopefully be future issues

I will say. I'm super glad rewind ends up coming back, and also that things get a lot gayer soon, bc this would have been devastating to read in a whole different way if it was just a bad ole str8forward bury your gays situation

but since it isn't, then I'm free to be extremely emotional about it, oof

I feel like I've articulate a lot of my thoughts already so ill end here and say: this slaps, cant wait to re-read more

#ive read this series thru twice but it still Gets Me man #lj rereads mtmte

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steve0discusses · 6 years ago

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Yugioh S3 Ep 19: Seto and Mokuba are Turned Into Inanimate Objects...Again

Last we left off on the world’s most awkward family reunion, Moki was being used to take advantage of Seto again, which happens at least 2 times a season.

What’s kind of wild about this, is that everyone jumps to the conclusion that Seto is absolutely going to murder his little brother. Seto. The guy who 2 seasons ago was willing to absolutely jump off a ledge for his little brother.

And then suddenly, Duke makes his feelings known about just life in general at this point.

Duke in the background just spiraling deeper and deeper into his IDGAF apathy. And to be honest, Duke might not be fully aware of who Mokuba even is. It’s not like they’ve ever had a conversation, other than maybe “ah, you work for Pegasus, he locked me in a tower for weeks and then killed me by turning me into a little paper card and then tried to seize control of my company. Nice. Nice that he isn’t in jail.”

In fact, since Duke does work with Pegasus who probably is still doing his best to compete with/work with the Kaiba business...Duke actually has a lot to gain, business wise, by killing Mokuba. Like, I’m pretty sure Duke isn’t a mole but he could be. He has...a lot of motive, actually.

If bro hadn’t straight up told me that Duke isn’t a mole like I suspected, than I’d still be waiting for that other shoe to drop. But it won’t. A shame.

Anyways this shows up:

All I’m saying is that a black hole is an astronomical region in space and a dark hole is very often a butthole, but youknow...maybe that’s just a very particular English language thing that no one will ever teach you from a textbook and it just didn’t quite get translated over correctly. But yeah, in my eye, Noah's just up there holding up a sphincter. It’s very fitting, he is an asshole. Congrats, Noah Kaiba, you’ve found your card.

Meanwhile, Yugi is doing his very best to try and backseat, even if Kaiba instinctively slaps it out of his hands at every opportunity.

So I figured that he’d mention that both of these boys carry these card lockets around their necks with a little picture of the other brother inside--a little thing they carry for no other reason than to remember eachother. Which makes sense, because Kaiba forgets things SO OFTEN. The necklace around their necks is almost like those bracelets you wear to let police and medics know if you’re prone to narcolepsy--it even has a nice picture inside to indicate “please return this boy to this pictured person in case you find him wandering about completely lost.”

I kinda figured that necklace would be used at some point but nah, we’re gonna talk about cards. Which is fine, because we get to see this good drawing Mokuba made once.

Which, PS, it was sort of hard to pick up on the first time Kaiba talked about this period of his life, but this time when he talked about this incident it like...left quite a bit highly implied there by what Seto meant when he said Mokuba “saved me.” It’s some pretty heavy stuff that kind of gets blown over by the massive magic dragon that shows up in the next scene and then just flies Mokuba, who is wearing very cute fuzzy socks, up into the sky and into the moon like ET.

Nowadays they do this by hanging off of Helicopters, but flying on dangerous things to escape their horrible childhood has been their Fantasy for a very long time. These kids and their obsession with heights and dangerous ledges.

And apparently it was this moment in his youth that Seto decided he wanted to be “worthy enough to hold a Blue Eyes.” And like...I remember S1 Seto. That was the worthy Seto?

I guess “worthy enough” doesn’t really imply any sort of moral code, just if you have enough money and can like play cards pretty OK.

Anyways, it was a lot of new stuff applied to this card that I just only recently accepted as a GF and so it was like “All right show, I see what you’re doing, I guess we’re going to walk slowly out of the paper romance realm and into...some sort of card-honor brother realm.”

So, using the Blue Eyes, Kaiba destroys a bunch of Gradius ships, which Noah was like “These Gradius ships represent our Father’s company!” in case you’re a child and didn’t see the symbolism. And, along the way, he destroys what he thinks is Noah’s Game Master card but like...it’s this show, so apparently inside the Boat was another dude and the game is going to keep on going, fml.

Ah buckle up this...this is going to be a long one. This is going to be a lot more cards, huh?

Anyway, when I saw this card that is clearly based on a couple of Gods I was like “so um...isn’t that a...God card?” so I looked it up, also because it was BS and I was frustrated that it was even here after the boat thing ended, and this card is a...get this...a Fairy card.

Cuz it has wings? Like a Seraphim? Everything about this looks like a conglomeration of different Gods but--I guess since God Cards can only have the 4 God Cards, this is a...Fairy card. Interesting. That is a huge ass Fairy. Yugioh biology really eludes me.

Anyway, First thing Noah does as a fairy is destroy his younger brother who is also older than him, don’tthinkaboutit. He’s again sporting the poorly photoshopped glowing romper that the dub gave us in order to spare us.

Hey!

Question!

So when Noah’s wearing the game Master outfit, he’s ass naked underneath--but the Big 5 weren’t? Like wouldn’t the Big 5 have had the same issue of Noah here where they have no body, so whatever they’re wearing is just whatever they’re in?

Meaning that when they were all shoved in Tristan’s body wouldn’t they have just been 5 naked fat old guys hanging out like a European sauna?

Or is this just Noah’s preference? To be ass naked when no one’s looking? Because he’s been here all alone for 6 years, so why the hell not? Like, no one cares. No one’s looking. You can’t get splinters or whatever. Just let it all hang loose, man, it’s not even a real body.

Like, if you look closely, Noah only has ... one outfit he’s had here for 6 years. I’ve noticed this maybe more than most because...it’s not a great outfit. He had that same suit and shorts combo right after he woke up and got out of his jammies from the accident all those years ago. He also wore a space suit once, but that was a Birthday present from Dad and I haven't seen the suit since.

Did Noah recognize that People Are Coming and was like “oh dammit, dammit, I have to cover the goods” and just throw on literally the only thing in his closet? The office shorts combo from 6 years ago? Is that why? Is that the big secret of the baby boy suit shorts? That he, in reality, never really wears them?

Questions about nudity aside, out of freakin no where Noah just turns the Kaibas into this:

Noah spent like 20 episodes saying no one is ever allowed to cheat and then just flippin does this and is like “What? It’s almost legal enough.”

I mean, it’s not like there’s any official rules for Duel Monsters anyway but apparently you can just turn each other into statuary and it’s like...fine. That’s fine.

Also, fun fact, about Yugioh statues, they come with eyeliner built in.

So much dedication to the guyliner in this show, mad respect.

And yes, I have sort of thought that Moki’s been sporting a teeny tiny Adam Lambert line this whole time. Like most our cast, honestly. But not Joey. I feel like Joey would never have the patience to learn how to waterline.

I mean the Kaiba’s are essentially brain dead, yes? Their brain functions have been removed and uploaded to the cloud to never be downloaded back into their vegetable bodies? That counts enough for me.

Seto Kaiba just 2 corpses away from 169ing the Hell out of that death scene. A shame.

Bro was like “well at least this crying statue stuff is more like something that normally happens in a kid’s show.” and I was like “THIS? So this ever happened in Pokemon?” and bro was like “It did actually, Ash Ketchum was turned into stone and then cried as a rock statue, and then Pikachu hugged him to make him all better” And as you may be aware my bro is full of spicy headcanons so I’m not sure if that’s actually true but it was like

“Bro, was Ash Ketchum ever turned to stone because his abusive Father’s secret son, who has been turned into an evil computer, wants to kill his brother and then take over his body to run the Patriots from Metal Gear? That happened on Pokemon?” And Bro admitted “Ok, maybe not so much.”

Anyway, Pharaoh awakens to put a stop to this nonsense by bringing up the long list of things that Noah did just now that is absolutely cheating.

Anyway, this is Noah now.

He’s just this...huge 100 story tall person with very bored judgy eyes just floating in the sky with vaguely religious iconography going on and bunch of wings like that one character design that we all have in our portfolio. Yeah, you know the one. It’s this guy. We’ve all drawn this guy. Anyway, it’s going to be very hard to take him seriously when this guy has Noah’s voice.

Again, he is not, he is ass naked in there, though the dub did try and cover it up.

Anyway, next episode we get to basically start this entire duel over.

That’s nice. That’s nice of them to do to me. At least these kids finally got a chance to do some duel prep for the actual tourney they’re supposed to be doing later this season. Yeah. Remember that apocalypse? That’s still going on somehow. Maybe by the time they’ll get to it, most of the competitors will be dead?

Here’s a link to read the recaps in order from S1 Ep1

#yugioh #yu gi oh #episode recap #photo recap #S3 Ep19 #tw suicide #seto kaiba #noah kaiba #yugi muto #joey wheeler #duke devlin #Noah is now a giant 6 winged angel #The Kaibas are rock statues #unfortunately this time they are in a much harder to transport state #you can't put a statue into your pants pocket so rip

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tonyajace-182 · 5 years ago

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WHERE IS MY SEASON FOUR!? [Contains Spoilers]

Overall Conclusion:

I don’t feel satisfied, like at all.

So much happened and I loved every single bit of it, but it felt too much like a build-up. It actually felt a lot like a season 1 than it did a season 3 (if that makes sense).

I don’t care about Nancy and Jonathan. Their story line bored me from S1. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy they lived and have such a strong relationship between them; but their story line is of no interest for me. They are definite side characters to me that would rank like in the way way lows on my ‘characters of importance list’.

I’m actually really really proud of Karen Wheeler. She said no to temptation and that is admirable. I feel like I owe her an apology because I literally expected the absolute worst of her. As in, I was mentally and inwardly hating on her before I even watched ep1. I feel bad, especially after she had the heart to heart with Nancy.

SO…..

Sorry Mrs Wheeler.

Unexpectedly…. I think I might have a new ship or bromance. Murray and Alexei were just so cute to me. The child like marvel Alexei had was endearing, plus Murray’s attentive enlightening was cool to see. They may have been minor but when they got screen time they really brought the sweet fluff vibes.

I noticed that everyone was split into small groups (probably because they are too big to properly develop altogether as one big group). What stood out to me a lot was the dynamic’s always tended to take on a rather family vibe. Two characters would play the parents roles and the others would act the role of children. For example, Jopper were the parents, Alexei and Murray the children. Steve and Robin were the parents, Erica and Dustin the children etc. Between that, they would also switch it up with a bit of Teenage dramatude (Drama plus attitude). Jopper bickering and Murray calling them out. Jancy having real adult talk about life. Steve and Robin talking about that hard knock life. The teens being actual teens.

Real talk though, I’m proud of the kids.

I felt Lucas had a lot more to offer this season. Although, at times he really did seem a bit clueless, I don’t know. He definitely came off as a bit of a dick sometimes (both him and Mike) towards Will. Glad he chilled out later, said his apologies and stuff. I love the Mileven scenes, but Lucas and Max deserve a tonne of credit for this season.

But Max deserved the most.

I loved Max the second she was introduced, I thought she was awesome. This season I seriously name her the ultimate Wifey/best friend a guy and girl could have. She sticks to her guns, you know. Dating a boy doesn’t change her. She knows who she is and what she wants and fights to get it. She was a GREAT influence and pal to Eleven, exactly what El needed, in my opinion. My heart broke for her when she faced Billy. For whatever reason, I got the impression that she and Billy had bonded or something since Season 2. Either way, it hurt to see Sadie/Max slapped out of the way like that. Then when she cries over Billy- It broke me.

I’m glad Will kind of got a break this season. A little disappointed he didn’t really get to do much, other than be an informant. I spent a lot of the time expecting him to reveal he was actually still infected by the Mind flayer the whole time. Also, no one is going to convince me that Will is not gay or bi. The way he stares after Mike and El every time they run off together says so much. I just- after everything he’s been through, both physical and emotional intimacy is something I think he’d crave a lot of. It’s the gender I think he wouldn’t care about. Regardless, Will needs love and gods someone better give him some next season. Also, did no one else keep thinking he was like Spiderman with his mind flaying senses?

Mike was the real Nerd or Geek boy representative this season. I enjoyed seeing how gangling and similar to S1 he was. It was nice not seeing emo Mike. However, the constant doubt and questioning slowly became a bit much. Frankly, I was relieved when he and Max had that argument. I don’t like Mike when he’s in doubt or unsure on stuff. He was okay, but not really an interest for me this season. As I said, I thought he and Lucas were assholes for their treatment of Will. The car ride he has with Hopper will forever be my favorite scene of Mike’s this season.

I really felt for El this season. She’s been put through so much and-…… It’s still too raw and fresh. I can’t talk about it without getting upset. But to summarize: I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER!!

Dustin. Any chance I get to hear Gaten sing is a blessing to my ears and food for my soul. I love his voice and he is so talented. He’s been my fave since the first episode okay. When no one believed him about Suzie, honest to god I wished I could be there to tell him I believed him or some shit. Beyond that, I laughed when he basically said he won’t tell the others about the Russian message because they didn’t believe him about Suzie. That was so petty but I loved it. The bonding between him and Erica was also great. Regardless… out of all the kids Dustin made me the most proud and is still my favorite.

I live for Erica’s sass, but at some points she did test me a bit.

Or maybe I just wanted her to ease up on the feisty attitude towards my baby Dustin.

Steve and Robin had me fucking scared! When they got captured I was shitting my pants imagining all the worst ways they were going to get tortured. I knew since the promo pics that I would love Robin- because I loved the expression on Maya’s face that promised so much attitude and sarcasm. She wasn’t too much of a nag, and while I had mentally labelled her a lesbian queen in my head. When she confesses to Steve I lost my shit. I fucking lost my shit and had to take a break and everything. Then Steve was perfect with his response. I don’t care Steve Harrington will be revealed as BISEXUAL before this fucking show is over!! He just has to!! He is both a MOM and a DAD!! Let’s just say I need more Steve and Robin scenes in the future. Jancy can get like cut or less scenes ok! I need Steve and Robin!!

Joyce….. I can’t talk about her without-….. I just can’t.

Hopper…. Fuck…… I can’t.

Billy.

Fuck.

Overall.

Stranger things season 3 was so good but just not enough. It was too short- too brief and left me with so much to process!!

SO FUCKING GIVE ME SEASON FOUR YOU SON OF A BITCHES!!!!!!!!

Oh.

And P.S: FUCK YOU RUSSIAN WANNABE ARNOLD!! IT’S ALL YOU’RE FUCKING FAULT!! I’M GLAD YOU GOT SPUN AND WHIPPED!!! REST IN HELL YOU FUCKING SHIT!!

#stranger things #stranger things season 3 #stranger things season 3 spoilers

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twdeadfanfic · 6 years ago

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Life at the end of the world Pt.16

Summary: Your life as a zombie apocalypse survivor. It starts with the Reader settling into the camp at the quarry, before s1 and then follows the show events and storyline, more or less, but with the Reader in it.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Slow burn, violence, language.

Author’s note: I’ve been itching to write a fic like this for a long while and I write it for fun, I don’t claim to be a writer so if you find you dislike this fic, please be kind and just stop reading. English’s not my first language so maybe there’re some mistakes, I apologize in advance. For the same reason, I can’t write character’s accents and things like that. At any rate, I hope you enjoy it. There’d be several parts to this.

Not long after your talk with Maggie, you witnessed what you could only call Rick losing his shit, even worse than when he had disappeared into the lower levels of the prison right after Lori’s death. He had gone to announce Tyreese and his group that they had to leave, deaf to yours and Hershel’s words and to Glenn telling him you needed help against Woodbury.

As if that hadn’t been enough, Rick had soon started acting weird and yelling around, ignoring Hershel and screaming to Tyreese and the others to go and leave him and what not, although the more he screamed the more it looked like he was yelling to someone who wasn’t there. He scared the shit out of all of you, including the startled newcomers.

Unsurprisingly, Tyreese and his group flew out at Rick’s crazy outburst, running out and away from the prison so quickly you didn’t have any time to say goodbye or lend them any supplies. You could only hope they would be okay out there.

You couldn’t sleep that night, too shaken at the events of the day, your mind lost in thought. You wondered if Tyreese and Sasha were alright out there in the night. The horrifying things Maggie had told you about Woodbury and the Governor made you shiver half in fear half in rage, anxious at the thought of maybe having to face him soon. And overall, Daryl. Well, Daryl’s absence.

You couldn’t believe he was really gone. Hadn’t he given a thought about you and Carol and everyone else in his family? Not at how you may need him to survive but at how much you cared for him, how much you were going to miss him. Wouldn’t he miss you at all? You had been so sure he cared for you too, for all of you.

But now Daryl had left as if you weren’t important and it hurt, it hurt as much as the realization that you weren’t going to see him again. It felt surreal. You felt like you had been with him, with all your group, since forever, it seemed more real than your life before the end of the world.

You got up and walked out of your cell and into Carol’s next to yours, crawling inside her bed. She woke up when she felt you and let you cuddle up to her, wrapping her arms around you and shushing you quietly as you sobbed your heart out into her shoulder, eventually drifting off in her embrace, exhausted.

You woke up when you felt Carol getting out of the bed.

“Hey, sweetheart.” She gave you a sad smile when she saw you starting to sit up on the bed. “Why you don’t try and sleep a bit longer?”

“Don’t think I can...” You rasped, rubbing your eyes. They felt puffy and hurt and you didn’t want to know how bad you looked.

“Okay.” Carol leaned over to kiss your forehead. “I’ll make some breakfast.”

“I miss him too.” You heard her say right before leaving the cell.

After a quiet breakfast, the group tense and anxious, with Rick still wandering around as if he had lost it and the threat of the Governor hanging over you, Glenn started to make plans. Your thoughts drifted from time to time to Daryl, wondering what he might be doing, wondering if he were thinking about the group he just left, if he had even cared about your at all...You dig your nails in your palm hard. Your family needed you, you needed to concentrate.

Soon, though, it turned more and more into Glenn and Hershel going back and forth about what to do with Woodbury, attack, wait, leave...You wanted to hurt the Governor for what he had done for your family, but it seemed he was dangerous so going against him might be a suicide...the only thing you were sure about was that you couldn’t leave the prison, especially not now with baby Judith. It was the safest place your group had had since the farm.

Glenn was growing more and more frustrated with everyone and with the plans or lack of it, and suddenly he was storming off to check the other side of the prison and the walkers that had probably walked in the same way Tyreese’d group had done it.

“Glenn, wait, I’ll help you.” You caught up to him when he was putting on the riot gear, ready to throw himself at the walkers.

“No, I can do it alone.” He said, totally ignoring you as he began walking away.

“But it can be dangerous.” You insisted.

“I said no, Y/N!” Glenn lashed out and you raised your hands in surrender.

“Alright, alright.” You sighed and walked away, catching sight of Rick outside the prison fences as he walked around like he were searching for something, seeming out of himself.

It seemed like half your family were going bonkers. Great.

No matter what, it was better to be ready in case the Governor attacked, so Carol, Axel and you began taking pallets and stacking them on the fences of the platform so you could duck and hide in case of an attack.

From the platform, you saw a bloodied up Glenn taking a car and storming off god knew where, while Rick was still wandering in an out of the forest. You let out a sigh. Things weren’t looking good at this moment. You wanted to put those two idiots in a line and slap them until they went back to their old selves, you needed them. And there was also certain idiot you needed but who had decided to leave you for another bigger idiot...and no, ending that train of thoughts, you couldn’t afford to think about him now.

You were carrying some more pallets but stopped before stepping through the door that led to the platform when you heard Carol laughing at something Axel was saying. Since having the revelation that Carol was, in fact, not a lesbian, Axel seemed relentlessly interested in her. At first, it had annoyed you but as you saw Carol smile at him you wondered if she was interested in him too. You didn’t think so, but who knew. At the very least, she seemed to enjoy his attention, and you couldn’t deny Axel was a fun guy if only a bit weird. You didn’t want to ruin their fun with the cloud of sadness and bad mood that seemed to follow you, so you quietly slipped away.

You found Beth in the kitchen, holding baby Judith while making a bottle for her.

“You need help?” You offered, eager to think on something that wasn’t Daryl or the dangers ahead.

“No, we are fine, we were about to see aunt Maggie.” Beth turned around to give you a smile. “See if we can cheer her up.”

“I hope you manage...” You said quietly, looking down.

“The least we can do is try.” Beth’s smiled faltered for a second but then it was back on her face, and you had to admire her stubborn positivity. “Why don’t you tidy up this meanwhile?” She asked tentatively, as if she felt you needed to busy yourself.

“Sure thing.”

You didn’t know how long you spent meticulously scrubbing cutlery clean but it was longer than you usually would, washing everything more than it was needed, focusing on the task way more than it required, trying to have your mind busy and away from unwanted thoughts

Before you knew it, Beth was there again.

“Oh, you left everything so clean now I feel bad about dirtying it again by cooking.” She pouted.

“No, it’s fine.” You shrugged. You could wash it again later...it wasn’t the most helpful thing but it was better than worry about your future or moping around. “Where’s Judith?”

“I left her with Maggie...I think she’s a bit better.” Beth smiled softly.

“That’s nice...”

You left Beth there and headed towards Maggie’s cell. You saw her from the door, feeding Judith her bottle, eyes wet but a smile on her face and your own smiled tugged at the corners of your mouth.

“Seems like all of you are better than me at this.” You said as you walked in and sat down next to her.

“It’s not rocket science.” Maggie chuckled. “Beth told me what to do, though, how to hold her and feed her properly...no idea where she learned.”

“I’m afraid to even hold her...I feel like I’m going to drop her or hurt her or something.” You took the empty bottle that Maggie passed you and let it on the chair next to the door.

“Come on Y/N, it’s a baby, not a crystal jar.” Maggie teased you, and you were glad she seemed to be feeling a bit better. “Reach out your arms.”

You did as she instructed you, and she carefully placed Judith on the crook of your arms.

“There you go...”

You were so nervous and unsure you barely dared to breathe, but Judith didn’t fell off your arms, didn’t seem hurt. Neither did she start crying his lungs out as if she hated to be with you, as you had been afraid she might do. You smiled down to her as she gurgled and reached out a tiny hand towards you.

“You don’t hate me then...” You said quietly to her. “I’m sorry it took me so long to say hi...”

You remembered how Daryl had held her that same day she was so tragically born, how he had fed her and rocked her as if he had been doing it since forever, smiling down at her and making her stop crying.

You felt dangerously close to tears and you bit your lip, trying to regain your composure.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Maggie asked you softly and you felt horrible, it was you who was supposed to comfort her. “You can talk to me.”

“Yeah, yeah, just...”

Before you could finish your sentence you heard gunfire coming from outside and you jumped to your feet, startling Judith who started crying.

“The Governor!” Maggie’s eyes were wide with fear, mirroring your own.

You both rushed outside, running into Beth who had a wild, scared look on her eyes.

“What’s going on?” She asked as you quickly passed baby Judith to her.

“Stay here!” Maggie yelled at her taking a couple of shotguns and passing one to you.

“But...”

“Beth, hide, take care of the baby.” You instructed and you rushed to the platform, dropping to the ground behind a pallet to hide from a new wave of bullets.

You looked around when the bullets stopped and saw Carol hiding behind the dead body of Axel.

“Carol!” You screamed, horrified, before more bullets forced you to hide again.

When you were able to take another peak, relief washed over you as you saw Carol was still alive and hiding, Maggie running towards her and passing her a shotgun before they both managed to hid, Carl close to them. Straining your eyes you could saw Michonne hiding behind a car but you couldn’t catch sight of Hershel or Rick, and you could just hope they were okay.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to calm down and jump into action mood. Still hid behind a pallet, you positioned your shotgun so you could shoot. It wasn’t easy, everything was a mess of bullets and dust and you could hear your heart beating fast, almost making your head spin. And you had never shot at an alive person before...

Focus. Focus.

The main threat seemed to come from one of the watchtowers, but the angle wasn’t right for you, so you left it to Maggie and Carol, hoping they’d manage to stop the shooter. You aimed at what you assumed was the Governor and his men, on a car in front of the prison fence’s door, but they were too far for you to make it. You saw a man walking towards Michonne’s hiding point, shooting. You aimed at him and shot but didn’t make it, your bullet hitting the ground next to him.

Damn it.

The man looked up to the platform, spotting you, but he didn’t have time to aim before you shot again. You didn’t miss this time and he dropped to the ground.

The shots from the watchtower stopped, someone having managed to kill the shooter, but that wasn’t enough to stop the attack. You needed to leave the platform and go to the ground if you wanted to help, the position of the platform preventing you from landing more shots, but before you could move the gunfire stopped.

You didn’t have time to wonder what was going on before a van drove towards the fences, crashing against the gates and opening them, stopping in the middle of the yard, a man in riot gear jumping from it. You watched in horrified surprise how he opened the doors of the van, walkers and more walkers walking off it and into your yar.

Thinking quick, you shot to the man’s leg which wasn’t protected by the gear. He dropped to the ground and a few walkers threw themselves to him, trying to chew through his protective year without much success, but keeping him down. Even if only for a moment, it’d prevent the walkers from scattering through the yard as they were entertained with the man.

The driver was inside the van still and you aimed your rifle but he quickly drove away at full speed before any of you could shot him, abandoning his partner, who was now screaming as the walkers finally began to tear off his gear.

The sound of the shots drew more walkers and you watched horrified how Hershel tried to drag himself away from them outside the fences.

“Help him!” You screamed, not knowing to whom, trying to aim but he was too far for you.

Michonne were already running to him, twirling around and cutting walkers down with her katana like a dancing samurai, and no matter the situation you were in, you couldn’t help but stare at her in admired amazement.

You let out a sigh of relief when Glenn’s car appeared, rushing towards Hershel, running over walkers on his way, and he and Michonne helped Hershel into the car. They drove back into the fences, closing the door behind them so the walkers couldn’t get in, and they began to help the others to clear the walkers of the patio. You helped too, shooting at all the walkers you could.

Your relief was short lived and you watched helplessly how Rick tried to run away from the walkers, seeming to be out of ammo, until he was backed against the fences, jaws snapping at him. You took aim but he was too far. You were still looking through the sight glass of your rifle when you saw one of the walkers fall, an arrow embedded onto his head. And then...

Daryl.

His name left your lips as a whisper when you saw him there, shooting another arrow and taking off another walker that was snapping at Rick. You had been so sure you were never going to see him again, but he was there...

And so was Merle, throwing himself at the remaining walkers that circled Rick and stabbing them wildly with a weird looking knife. You shot at the walkers on their way as they made it back into the fence and then you ran back into the building as fast as you could to meet the others.

Before you could make it outside, Carol and Maggie walked through the door and you threw yourself into their arms.

“Are you okay, are you alright?” You asked again and again, checking if they were hurt no matter they were reassuring you they were fine.

Beth ran towards them too and you let go of Maggie so she could hug her, but you kept holding onto Carol, shaking. Now that the danger seemed to have passed and the adrenaline was leaving your body, your knees felt dangerously weak and you felt like you might just fall, but Carol and you kept a hold of each other.

Then there came Glenn and Michonne, helping Hershel limp inside. Behind them was Rick, arm around Carl’s shoulders, and right behind him Merle and Daryl. The archer looked at you, blue eyes fixing on Carol and you both as you held each other, but then he looked away quickly, making no move towards you.

You didn’t know what to say, what to do, how you were feeling. You couldn’t deny you were elated to see him, relieved he was back, and you wanted to hold him tight until he’d wriggle out of your hug like an offended cat. But you were also hurt, upset with him for leaving. And he wasn’t even looking at you. You forced yourself to not look at him either. There was much to do after the Governor’s attack and you couldn’t let your feelings distracting you from it.

Soon everybody was discussing what you all should do about the Governor, and also about Merle, Glenn being particularly vocal about the last, and the older Dixon’s insights on the matter weren’t much in his favor.

Rick had locked him outside the cellblock in a corridor, but that wouldn’t silence Merle and no matter you were angry at Daryl, your heart went to him as you watched him pace around anxiously, trying to silence his brother to stop him from making things worse, but also trying to speak on his benefit. Asshole didn’t deserve it, as far as you were concerned.

“Would you please shut the hell up?” You hissed at Merle, moving close to the gate he was lying against. “Your brother is here trying to back you up and save your ass and you are making it impossible. They’re going to kick you out and he’s going to be forced to follow you again, cos you are a damn prick.” There was so much poison in your voice, no matter if it was just a barely audible murmur, that it almost surprised yourself.

It seemed you weren’t the only one tired of everyone’s bullshit and you gaped in surprise when the usually calm Hershel lashed out at Rick, calling him on his behavior as he made to wander off again. You almost clapped. You felt for Rick, of course you did, but Hershel was right. The group needed old Rick, needed every single one of you if you wanted to survive the Governor.

While everyone kept talking and discussing things, your thoughts wandered to the men you had killed today. You had left one of them to be horribly eaten by walkers as bait...you’d never thought you’d do something like that, but there you were. You’d do it again in order to protect your family without a second thought. This world ended up changing you, someone had said, you didn’t remember who, and by now you knew well how true it was.

---

You were pacing up and down the corridor outside your cells anxiously, unsure of what to do. Daryl had retreated into a cell not long ago, after yet another fight with Glenn about Merle.

You wanted to see him, you hadn’t had the chance either the courage to speak with him yet, but you weren’t sure how you were going to react. You were still a mess of feelings. You didn’t want to walk in and start yelling at him for leaving or worse, start crying, but neither wanted to act like nothing had happened, like you weren’t hurt.

The wish to see him was too big, though, so when you saw Carol walking out of Daryl’s room you headed towards it only to stop midway, suddenly nervous. What if he didn’t want to see you? What if he really didn’t care? You couldn’t bear it...

“Come on, go and say hi,” Carol told you when she reached you, an amused smiled on her face as she saw you go back and forth. “Don’t be hard on him, though.”

You shrugged, letting out a noncommittal hum, but took a deep breath and walked to the cell.

You walked through the door but stood there silent, unsure of what to say. Daryl was sitting down on the bed, absentmindedly fidgeting with one of his arrows. He looked up at you when he sensed you but quickly dropped his gaze again. You were about to leave, afraid he was purposely ignoring you, but unable to force yourself to say anything, when he scooted closer to the headboard, sitting down against the wall as if making room for you to sit on the bed too. When you didn’t move, he looked at you again, his blue eyes uncertain.

You bit your lip, fighting your nerves telling you to run away, and sat down on the bed. He was still fidgeting, spinning the arrow and you stayed silent.

“You’re mad,” Daryl muttered without looking at you.

“I...I’m upset... You left us...” There was no point lying, you wanted him to know how you were feeling, even if you were afraid of how he might react. “You just left.”

“I didn’t just leave...I found my brother again...” He said defensively, although you thought he sounded guilty too. “I had to be with him Y/N, he’s my brother, he’s family.”

“I thought we were family too.” You couldn’t help the hurt that tainted your words. “I thought you cared about us.”

“You are family, why you say that...” Daryl sounded upset although his eyes were regretful, but you just couldn’t stop being hurt.

“You didn’t stop to think how we might feel, knowing you abandoned us for Merle...and after what he did...” You insisted, unable to stop your words now that you were letting yourself talk. “Didn’t you care about not seeing us again? You wouldn’t have missed us?” Because heaven knew you had missed him as if someone had crushed your heart.

“I did.” He said, so quietly you almost didn’t hear him. “So I’m here now...”

“I’m glad you are here, I am, for real. I was afraid I wasn’t going to see you ever again, I thought...I...” You bit your lip to stop you from saying anything else, afraid of what may slip off your lips. “But I’m hurt...You left us like we were nothing...”

“It wasn’t like that.” He snapped, frowning at you, letting go of the arrow, upset blue eyes finally fixing on you. “Merle’s my brother, if it were your brother who you had found, wouldn’t have you go with him? Cos I’m damn sure you would.”

“Maybe, but not without telling you first and I don’t think I could have left you like that anyway...you are my family now. I care for you...for all of you.” You added, flustered. “And my brother is not a prick.”

“What you know...you haven’t seen him in what, eight years? You don’t know him, he may very well be an asshole.” Daryl pointed out. You knew he didn’t really mean anything by it, that he was just upset with the whole situation, but it rubbed you the wrong way.

“Yeah, yeah you are right.” You got up from the bed and paced around the small room furiously, doing your best not to cry. “I don’t know a single thing about my own damn brother, maybe I wouldn’t even recognize his face anymore. He might be as big of an asshole as his father, for all I know, yeah. You are damn right.”

“’m sorry...I didn’t mean to say it like that.” He sounded genuine and you knew he was “Was just trying to explain to you...” He trailed off, shrugging awkwardly as if he didn’t know what to say and you forced yourself to stop pacing.

You sat down on the bed again, leaning against the wall and tilting your head back, closing your eyes for a second.

“I’m sorry too, you know how I feel about it...” You tailed off but you knew Daryl would understand. He knew how you felt about your brother, knew it was a sensitive matter for you. He was the only one in your group you talked to about it. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“It’s you who’s mad.” He was fidgeting again.

“I can’t really be, though...I’m too happy you are back.” You admitted. It was worth just for seeing the cute small smile he gave you.

You reached out your hand, tentatively, and he took it, lacing his fingers with yours, and you couldn’t help the way your heart started beating faster.

“I’m happy I’m back too,” Daryl said quietly and you could swear you saw him blush.

“You were really that upset cos I left?” Daryl asked after a moment, his voice a rasped murmur.

His face was down, as if trying to hide. You tried not to read much into his question, though. You knew he was actually quite an insecure person, so the question didn’t surprise you as much as it could.

“Of course I was, idiot.” You squeezed his hand. “You are my family, I care for you, Daryl. Thinking I wouldn’t see you again...it’s something I never want to feel again.” It was your turn to blush now.

He smiled but quickly hid his face again.

“I didn’t want to leave,” Daryl said after a moment of silence. “But I couldn’t just leave Merle either...but after we left I was all time thinking ways of dragging him here, I wanted to come back.” He let go of your hand to start fidgeting with the arrow again. “But I knew the others wouldn’t want him to stay...but that we are here maybe they’ll accept him...”

That wasn’t going to be easy, but you didn’t want to say it in case it made you argue again, not now that he was opening up to you, so you just nodded silently. The knowledge he hadn’t wanted to leave, that he really cared for all you and had wanted to come back had made you feel better instantly, as if a weight that had been pulling you down had been suddenly lifted from you.

“I’ll make it up to all of you.” Daryl kept going when you didn’t say anything. “For leaving and for what Merle did and all.”

“You don’t need to make up anything, is not your responsibility what Merle does or doesn’t.” You frowned, hating to see Daryl being dragged down by Merle’s actions, always having to clean after him.

“It kind of is...” Daryl murmured, his fingers nervously spinning the arrow.

“No, it’s not. You gotta keep an eye on him now that you brought him here, that’s true, keep him from making trouble.” It wasn’t going to be easy and you knew it, especially not now that Rick had unlocked Merle so he could help around, everyone doing their best to keep out of his way. “But what he did with the Governor has nothing to do with you.”

“How are Maggie and Glenn doing?” He asked, looking at you with worried eyes.

“Not that good...” You replied honestly. “Glenn’s just...he’s so angry all the time I’m scared he’s going to do something reckless...”

“And Maggie...your brother did not only terrorize her and torture Glenn, but he also let the Governor humiliate her, grope her...” You were so angry at it you wanted to go and punch Merle in the face until your hand bled, but Daryl’s feelings for him stopped you from doing anything like that. And that was nothing compared with what you wanted to do to the Governor.

Daryl flinched at your words and your heart went to him, but he needed to know the truth.

“We’ll make it up to them.” He said quietly, grasping the arrow so tight his hand was shaking.

“It’s not you who has to do it.” You nudged him gently with your knee, hating to see him blaming himself again and again over Merle’s actions.

“Then I’ll make Merle make it up to them.” Daryl shrugged.

“Tell me if you need help punching him or something.” You chimed in and he snorted but gave you a smile that sent butterflies to your stomach.

“Ey, did you ran into a small group when you were out there?” You asked suddenly, Tyreese and his group springing to your mind.

Daryl frowned as if confused by your question. “Found a family trapped on a bridge, the geeks were about to eat them, baby and all.”

“No!” You gasped horrified and you were even surer you couldn’t leave the safety of the prison’s fences, no with baby Judith, no matter how big of a threat the Governor was.

“I helped them kill the walkers, they managed to leave the bridge, Y/N,” Daryl reassured you. “Merle was an ass to them though...”

“Go figure...” You rolled your eyes. “That family was lucky you were close.” As lucky as your family was to have him back. You smiled proudly at Daryl but he just shrugged.

“Why you asked anyway?”

“Carl found a small group on the other side of the prison, brought them here to save them from the walkers.” You explained. “They were nice people, Daryl, they weren’t a threat, but Rick kicked them out.”

“That’s cos Rick worries about us, he can’t just let everyone in, they could have been dangerous...” Daryl replied, but he sounded unsure.

“I know he wants to protect us, but it wasn’t like that...he...he lost it, Daryl.” You shook your head. “He began yelling at them to leave, then he was screaming to the air, to someone we couldn’t see, he scared the shit out of us. And before you arrived he was just wandering outside the prison alone like he were searching for something...It was almost like he had gone insane...”

“He’s still recovering from Lori...” The arched said quietly. “He’ll be alright soon.”

“I hope so...” You weren’t just complaining, you were truly worried about Rick. His behavior was endangering the group and you were low key angry at him still, but you cared for him nevertheless and it pained you to see him like that. “Between that and Glenn seeming to lose it too, I couldn’t be happier you are here.”

Before Daryl could say anything, Maggie and Carl’s voices made you jump to your feet.

“Andrea, it’s Andrea! He’s outside the fences, walkers are gonna get her!”

Daryl and you rushed to join the others, stopping just to grab you a shotgun and him his crossbow, and then he was running outside with his brother and Rick while you headed to the platform.

“What the shit...” You murmured as you watched Rick throw Andrea to her knees and search her. Sure, she had been with the Governor, but he was still Andrea, your lost companion! You refused to believe he was here with the Governor or that she meant to attack you.

Rick and Daryl didn’t seem to share your thoughts though, and they dragged her inside roughly. You reached the hall in time to see Andrea and Carol hugging, and she hugged you next before pulling apart and realizing how many of you were missing...T-Dog, Lori, Shane...

Everyone was tense, eyeing Andrea with suspicion as she tried to explain herself and you hated it but couldn’t do anything about it except hope you all could reach an understatement. You perched yourself on top of the table, next to Daryl, watching anxiously as the group argued with Andrea.

“I think we should try and make an agreement with the Governor like Andrea says...” You murmured to Daryl after Rick stormed off and Andrea walked outside with Michonne. It was the only way you could see of not having to leave the prison without risking to be attacked. You weren’t that sure you could protect yourselves if Woodbury decided to attack you with all they had.

“That Governor wants no agreement.” Daryl shook his head. “He wants to kill us. And I want to kill him too.”

“Yeah, well, then maybe we’ll all end up dead.” You said gloomily before walking away.

Well...this chapter was long!

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