#god is also played by jon hamm in this reality

[rhianwen24601]

I like to pretend that I don't care what happens with Season 3 of Good Omens, but it's obviously been on my mind, because my brain has been spitting out absurd scenarios.

In a recent silly half awake speculation, David Tennant and Michael Sheen both noped out of season 3, so Aziraphale was recast as Jon Hamm in a white wig, and Crowley was recast as Jon Hamm in a red wig.

*White haired and redheaded Jon Hamms frantically making out*

Regular Gabriel Jon Hamm: Hey, guys, hope I'm not interrupting anything...?

Ginger Hamm: Nope, nothing at all!

White Haired Hamm: I have no idea what you're talking about! I don't even know this man!

*Beelzebub, also played by Jon Hamm, hurries in*

Beelzehamm: The Megatron is coming, we have to go!

White Haired Hamm: Oh no! Not the Metronome!

Metsy (also played by Jon Hamm): Hahahahaha, it is I, the Megaman! I hate love and happiness and it is my life's mission to make everyone addicted to coffee!

Ginger Hamm: Quick, everyone! To the Bentley!

*the Bentley - also played by Jon Hamm - rolls up, and Jon Hamm, Jon Hamm, Jon Hamm, and Jon Hamm ride Jon Hamm off into the night*

[thefutureiswhat]

New Fargo Season 5 character portraits, via the FX website. Official character descriptions under the cut.

Dorothy "Dot" Lyon: Depending on who you ask, "Dot," portrayed by Juno Temple, is a wife and mother, a member of the PTA, a fighter, survivor or a tiger. She’s tenacious to almost a delusional fault, never giving up no matter how impossible the circumstances. Ultimately, she’s a mama bear with a lion’s heart.

Roy Tillman: “Roy Tillman,” portrayed by Jon Hamm, is one of those constitutional sheriffs, a rancher preacher, defender of the American gospel. A man who works from sunup to sundown shepherding God’s land. In Roy’s own reality, he is the law and therefore is above the law; he’s the judge, jury and too often the executioner.

Lorraine Lyon: “Lorraine Lyon,” portrayed by Jennifer Jason Leigh, is CEO of the largest Debt Collection Agency in the country, with two billion dollars in annual revenue. Lorraine is poised, regal and opinionated. She’s also a huge donor to any candidate or cause that she believes in, regardless of political affiliation (read: anyone that can be helpful to her in the future).

Wayne Lyon: “Wayne Lyon,” portrayed by David Rysdahl, has the forced cheer of a man whose mother raised him with a thick brew of disappointment and guilt. Now he owns a car dealership and three quarters of a fishing boat. A sweet guy who doesn’t match up to society’s (or his mother’s) definition of masculinity, his ideal evening is playing sock hockey at home with his daughter, Scotty.

Gator Tillman: “Gator Tillman,” portrayed by Joe Keery, is a handsome charmer, the way the snake in the garden was a charmer. He’s a sapling struggling to grow in the shadow of an oak, desperate to prove himself to his larger-than-life father in the absence of a mother’s love. With daddy issues up there with Oedipus Rex’s, Gator wants to be a winner but unfortunately doesn’t know what the word means.

Witt Farr: “North Dakota Deputy Witt Farr,” portrayed by Lamorne Morris, is the guy when you look up the word “reliable” in the dictionary, you see his picture. He splits the check down to the cent, not because he’s cheap but because he’s fair. He’s dogged, earnest and Minnesota Nice.

Indira Olmstead: “Minnesota Police Deputy Indira Olmstead,” portrayed by Richa Moorjani, is a practical woman – socks before shoes – and good at puzzles, which may have led to her career in law enforcement. She struggles to manage her finances while supporting her husband Lars and his delusional dream of winning the Masters Golf Tournament.

Ole Munch: Age unknown, birthplace unknown. On any given day, “Ole Munch,” portrayed by Sam Spruell, looks as though he could be 30-60. Some say he has always been here, blowing through the American landscape – the dark shadow waiting for us at the end of the hall. He’s carved from stone, relentless as the sea, the forces of physics don’t apply to him.

Danish Graves: “Danish Graves,” portrayed by Dave Foley, is Lorraine Lyon’s in-house counsel and primary advisor. A country club type, who has never been in a real fight, but sees himself as a winner, when clearly Lorraine is the heavyweight champion and he just holds her spit bucket.

[ingravinoveritas]

Someone asked me today who I thought would win a wrestling match out of Michael Sheen, John Hamm and David Tennant. I said well I don't think it would be David but I would love to watch that match ;)

Ahaha. Oh, god, Anon, I am cackling at the thought. I can tell you right now with perfect certainty that this is exactly what David would look like if Michael or Jon were on top of him in a wrestling match:

“Oh dear, oh goodness me, look at that. I’m pinned. Completely helpless, like. I’m simply no match for you big, strong men. Michael, you’d better hold my arms down to make sure, though. M’feeling a bit peckish all of a sudden. Sausage, anyone?”

Of course, this also makes me think of that bit in Staged season one where David suggests playing Twister and Michael responds like this:

...Much to David’s confusion and disappointment, no doubt. Though this was the moment I also realized how much of Staged was scripted, because there is no reality in which Michael would turn down Twister with David. So his reaction to David wanting to wrestle? I can only imagine...

Also, if we’re going to go for another visual representation of David in a wrestling match, I can’t possibly forget the statue in Crowley’s flat in the first series of GO:

I mean...yeah. “Are you certain that they’re wrestling?” is the same reaction we’d all have to seeing David in a wrestling match with Michael and Jon (or just Michael), so...there you go.

Ahh, good times. This was a fun question to answer before I dash off to another work engagement this evening, so I’m glad you shared it, Anon. Thanks for writing in! x

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Tag

This is probably the only comedy based on a true story that I’ve seen in recent memory - maybe because real life just hasn’t been that funny lately. The premise is simple - a group of childhood friends (Jon Hamm, Ed Helms, Hannibal Buress, Jake Johnson) have been playing the same game of tag for 30 years. Once adulthood responsibilities forced them all to go their separate ways, they continued to play the game only throughout the month of May each year - and this year, they’ve all gotten together to go after their buddy, Jerry (Jeremy Renner) who has never, ever been tagged. It’s one of those too-wacky-to-be-anything-but-real-life stories and with a comedy ensemble like this, it should be a slam dunk. Is it worth tagging in for? Well...

Much like the real life it’s based on, the movie is a little uneven - sometimes for the good, sometimes not. As an action comedy, it’s definitely visually entertaining, but in its efforts to keep a youthful spirit alive, some jokes feel immature to the point of excess.

Some thoughts:

I had heard from a few sources that this was the funniest movie to be released so far in 2018, and I was definitely looking forward to it based on the trailers. Unfortunately, I fell victim to one of the classic blunders: expectations. Turns out, the comedy mostly comes from every single time Hannibal Buress opens his mouth. Other than that, mostly crickets.

When the boys get close enough to Jerry to attempt to tag him, the film uses a high-frame slowed-down effect in each of the action scenes (much like the action scenes in the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films) which also provides some interesting visuals and comedy, especially through the characters’ voice-over narration. These scenes are definitely the most interesting to watch.

I appreciate the world-building that the filmmakers put great thought into. Ed Helms’ childhood home has a rundown basement with a pool table and a shitty couch and a refrigerator from the 70s, and you can feel all the memories pooled down there. They have a local bar where they clearly used to be regulars, the Sandpiper, and it’s every nondescript hometown bar I’ve ever been in. Even more than the friendship between these guys, which does feel pretty sweet and genuine, the world AROUND them feels absolutely real and authentic, and the years of connection between these people becomes crystal clear.

Rashida Jones plays the thankless role of a girl whom both Jon Hamm and Jake Johnson have been in love with forever, and like, I’m not a shallow person, I’m really not. But who doesn’t pick Jon Hamm? Jake Johnson is literally so much of a stoner that he can’t tell reality from fiction, he smokes 20-year-old weed, and he has no job, no ambition, and no prospects. I get the fixer-upper thing, I do, but COME ON. All that........vs Jon Hamm.

Let’s talk about the lowest of the low points. The boys track down Jerry at his wedding (which they weren’t invited to because Jerry didn’t want to get tagged). Jerry’s pregnant fiancee is understandably distraught when the boys corner Jerry at his AA meeting (also the fact that Jerry is a recovering alcoholic and none of his friends knew never comes up again which, ok) on the morning of their wedding. She gets so worked up that Jerry can’t escape and get ready for the wedding that she starts to feel pelvic pain - it looks like she’s having a miscarriage. OH WAIT jk jk after like, a lot of talking about it, turns out she was faking it. No pregnancy, no miscarriage. I could understand if there was one somewhat tasteless joke about it, but it turns into a whole big thing. Like, an extended 10 minute long bit. It goes past tasteless into “ummm this is getting kind of fucked up” territory. It was one of those moments where I knew, I knew it in my bones, that joke would not have become what it did if there had been more women involved in the writing of the film.

Also there’s a super weird part where Ed Helms’ mom keeps hitting on Jake Johnson for no discernible reason.

But then there’s a shift at the end that’s really heartwarming and sweet and feels like the core of what this friendship has been about for 30 years. I’m still not sure if it redeems all the things that precede it though.

Jeremy Renner looks fantastic, and is flying through the air like a falcon who’s doing parkour. Thank god someone gave him a way to showcase his skill since Marvel’s been sleepin on him since 2011.

I wanted to love this, I did. But I probably could have watched The Avengers followed by a Hannibal Buress stand-up special and had roughly the same experience. This is a game I’d really rather not be a part of - so uh...you’re it.

[newagesispage]

                                                                    SEPTEMBER       2019  

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 July 2019 was the hottest month in human history.

*****

This Ordinary Life has sent the world their new EP, Sadderdays!! Give it a listen!

*****

Judd Apatow is putting out a book about Garry Shandling.

*****

Debbie Harry: Face it will be out on Oct. 1

*****

This year the Kennedy center will honor Big Bird, Linda Ronstadt, Earth, Wind and Fire, Michael Tilson Thomas, and Sally Field.

*****

Kentucky principal Phillip Wilson who banned books from his high school in 2009 for homosexual content has been arrested on possession and distribution of child porn.

*****

In Illinois, the capital bill is funded through a doubling of gas tax and an increase in license plate fees. The money is supposed to be for roads, public buildings and bridges. The state constitution tells us the state shall not pay for aid in any school, academy, seminary, college, university or other literary or scientific institution controlled by any church or sectarian denomination. Organizations that are now receiving some of the funding are, Catholic charities, The ARK of Sabina, Inner-city Muslim action network, Gifts from God ministry, Chicago center for Torah and Chesed, Hatzalah, Keshet, Jewish united fund, Lewis University, St. Ann Catholic school and Mt. Sinai hospital, among others.

*****

Gary Busey will appear in the off Broadway musical, Only Human where he will play God.

*****

Eastwood’s The Ballad of Richard Jewell is in production with Sam Rockwell, Olivia Wilde, Kathy Bates and Jon Hamm.

*****

For a look into Brian Jones death catch the doc ‘Who killed Christopher Robin?’

*****

Dale Jr. and family were in a plane crash but everybody seems to be ok.

*****

I hear that Porn hub is planting a tree for every 100 videos watched.

*****

Days alert: Rex is out. What about Chloe? Who will love her now? They still had the chemistry. Oh, never mind, Chloe is gone too!** Ted is out. Tripp is out. Jordan will be back briefly.** OMG How my heart fluttered when Tony and Anna saw each other again. Oh, the magic of a soap!! **At last Robin Strasser is on the way as Vivian. ** Greg Vaughan is dating Angie Harmon and they are a pretty adorable couple.**Why don’t they try to charge Kristen with Holly’s murder? She may want to tell them where they are then.  And I am so sick of Eric leaving sweet women to sniff after Nicole, enough. He used to be one of my favorite characters but it has gotten old. ** Please Please put Xander and Sarah together!!!!!

*****

Dolly Parton’s America: A podcast will begin this fall.

*****

The new owners of the LA sex club that was known as Snctm are taking apps and promising carnal bliss.

*****

Scary Clown told workers in a GM plant in Michigan not to sell their homes. He promised the plant would not shut down and guess what? Lie!** Trump owes El Paso 470 thousand for his MAGA rally. ** Perhaps we should all refer to him as he refers to himself, Ttump.** A Nazi rally in Germany handed out hats inspired by the Trump campaign that read: Make Germany Hate Again.** We have to hit him where it hurts..$.. This is all he understands.** The evangelicals finally got a little upset when Trump took the lords name in vain. ** Trump wanted to buy Greenland, they wouldn’t bite and he cancelled his trip to Denmark.** Now he is The King of Isreal? The chosen one? The second coming of God? ** Word is that half of Trumps twitter followers are fake. Also, the US Labor Dept. says America created 500,000 fewer jobs in 2018 and 2019 than previously reported. **Rural farmers are 50-50 on Trump like the rest of us. Why do we categorize people? Things like this show that our differences don’t usually have anything to do with our religion, the color of our skin,$, job or location. We are different at our cores in what we think and feel about others and the world around us.** Scary Clown has told some staff to get this wall started no matter the coast and to just, ”take the land” if necessary and he will pardon them later. He has taken FEMA money to get the ball rolling as a hurricane bears down on the U.S.

*****

Why do we vote in those that allow the drug, insurance and credit card, lender companies to make all the dough?? Let’s ALL enjoy America.

*****

A newly invented bag can be dissolved in water after use.

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Pardon Blagoevich?? What??

*****

The Black Jewel Coal Co. has filed for bankruptcy. The miner’s last paychecks bounced. Nobody will answer their questions about their 4o1k’s. Since they are not technically laid off yet, they can’t receive unemployment. The company got 5 mil in emergency funds from the bank and they owe 976 thousand in fines.

*****

Kelly Craft, a major Trump donor is the new UN ambassador.**US ambassador to Russia, Jon Huntsman is out.

*****

I have to say, I don’t get why people aren’t more excited about the democratic candidates. There are a few that could go away but there are some really fabulous ideas there. I hope they put their egos aside when the last is standing. The lot of them would compose a great cabinet. And how do you not get excited about the future of our country?? How can you be so inside your own head that you put our own day to day ahead of your country? We all have to pay our bills, work, care for others and enjoy our passions from time to time but this is crunch time people!!! Pay attention!!** Beto’s REAL reaction to the El Paso shootings did more for him than all his relaunches. He was himself and not what he thought he should be. Trump and Biden were giving sympathy to the wrong cities for goodness sake!  Trump couldn’t even show any true feelings as he gave the thumbs up beside an orphan and tweeted about how lousy Shep Smith as he flew to the next photo op of victims.** It’s hard to look away from the freak show.** The next Dem debate is Sept.12.

*****

With no notice, immigrants who are here for life saving treatments have been given 33 days to clear out of the country.** Scary Clown is fighting with Comey again. What an unhappy schmuck this President is.

*****

It seems to me that if 2 people had run for student council president and the winner cheated and abused his office, they would make him step down. Would they have another vote or let the opponent step in?? The President of the US post is a bit more important than student council President. ** Now Trump is thinking that nuking hurricanes might be a good idea.

*****

If elected, Bernie says he will tell us what is known about aliens from outer space.** Hickenlooper is out.** Seth Moulton is out.**Jay Inslee is out (oooh, that one hurts). I love ya Jay!! He is now running for reelection as Governor.** Gillibrand is out** Former Illinois congressman Joe Walsh and former Massachusetts  Governor Bill Weld are in for the Republican side.

*****

Some studies show that over 50% of inmates have dyslexia.

*****

Jim Gaffigan made some jokes about craft beers including how labels might have say a penguin wrestling a cactus. Well, a small brewery in NY has made it happen with their blend called Penguin and Cactus

*****

6000 people of Oklahoma are dead from opiods and Johnson and Johnson have been ordered to pay $572 mil per the court verdict.

*****

The International wildlife regulator has banned the capture and export of baby African elephants.

*****

Leslie Jones is out at SNL.

*****

“Under the Trump administration, the pledge ”the right to bear arms,”  has morphed into “Don’t just stand there, shoot somebody.” – Carl Reiner

*****

In the event I am killed, organize, mobilize and get the peace plan passed and put my body on the NRA’s doorstep in Fairfax, Va. – David Hogg

*****

The trailer for this Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix, Marc Maron and Robert DeNiro looks fucking amazing!! Hurry up Oct.4!!

*****

The NRA has 5 million members but one still has to wonder why the rights of gun owners supersede the rights of everybody else. Why don’t we hear more about their money scandals? Just when you hear that Trump is asking his people behind the scenes if the NRA still has power, he and LaPierre talk and the Pres backs off his tough gun talk. We know who is Wayne’s bitch. ** A group of surgeons have been showing X-Rays of what a gun can do as they protest gun violence.** The world now has bulletproof backpacks.**New schools are being designed to cut down the number of victims of a shooter. Hallways are curved and classrooms can lock.

*****

The Firearm dealer license certification act in Illinois requires those who hold a Federal firearm license to also obtain a state certificate of license and comply with state regulations. All dealers will be required to have security alarms where guns are stored in case of intrusion. Dealers will also have to keep electronic records of their inventory. Gun dealers and the Illinois state rifle association are challenging, of course before this all takes effect in 2020.

*****

“We don’t have an actual Presidency right now. We have a reality show whose ratings have begun to slide and whose fading star sees cancellation on the way.” – Eugene Robinson.

*****

The Bruce Lee philosophy , Be Water, is being used by the Hong Kong protesters. Be Strong like ice. Be fluid like water. Gather like Dew. Scatter like mist.

*****

As the crackdown on immigrants continues, word is that Trump still employs many undocumented workers. And why aren’t the employers arrested?** The administration wants to make it easy  for the wealthy and educated immigrants to come to this country. Again, only the rich have rights.** Trump has moved $150 mil from FEMA to the immigration courts as hurricane Dorian heads this way. ** He is telling his staff to just “take the land” and build the wall, disregard environmental rules and he will pardon them. A joke?? I wouldn’t be so sure.**

*****

Jews against Ice really let ‘em have it. They shut down Amazon as they marched against the internment of immigrants. The rally cry: We will not stay silent while tech companies profit off of cruelty.

*****

Jeff Epstein is dead and the conspiracy theories have begun. Many are glad that Epstein is dead and some wish he had lived to pay for his crimes. Would he have turned on his high end friends?  David Koch is also dead.** Word is that in 2008 Epstein bought female undies from the jail shop.

*****

A recent survey shows that 45% of people wear underwear for 2 days, 13% for a week. Tell me this can’t be true.

*****

Chris Christie and Anthony Scaramuchi are always everywhere and now Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars?? OMG.. Can we stop seeing these people?** Sarah Huckabee Sanders is joining Fox news.

*****

White Supremacy is officially the majority of domestic terrorism in the U.S. Now, let me see, who seems to want to be their leader?** Advertisers pulled out of Tucker Carlson’s show after he called white supremacy ,’not a thing.’

*****

Truckers have been really hurt by the tax cuts. Longer hours and less money have come since they can’t deduct expenses the way they used to. Regulations have been relaxed that limits hours on the road.

*****

The Department of labor is proposing a rule that would allow government contractors to fire workers who are unmarried and pregnant or LGBTQ.

*****

David Gilmour sold his guitars for 20 thou and used the money to fight climate change.

*****

Michael Cohen claims that Jerry Falwell Jr., his wife and a pool boy they met at a hotel became fast friends. Eventually Cohen had to intervene because of some lurid photos. He claims that the Falwell’s are quite kinky. The couple gave the pool boy over a mil to buy a resort that has become trendy with the LGBTQ community.  Apparently nobody else knows what is on those photos that Cohen brokered a deal for.

*****

Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a story won the Freedom of Speech award at the Traverse city film fest. She announced the release of the film by giving a heads up to hashtag emmyless Donald.

*****

California is trying to make those that run for President show us their tax returns. Illinois rejected that idea.

*****

Blaze it forward

*****

U.S. Fencer, Rick Imboden took a knee during the national anthem after taking gold at the Pan Am games.

*****

Stumptown looks like a good show but boy what a terrible name.

*****

Check out the new book, Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow.

*****

Ron Burgundy has been making the rounds.

*****

Yada Yada Yada politics has made its way into our thoughts with Marianne Williamson warning us of business as usual.

*****

Geena Davis is getting the humanitarian Oscar.

*****

In a joke that Seth Meyers told he said, ”Cleveland Browns win Super Bowl!”  So it may never happen but it was nice to hear.

*****

Chairman of the parent company of Equinox and Soul Cycle and owner of the Dolphins, Stephen Ross, caused a stir when he held a fundraiser for Trump.

*****

Liam and Miley broke up.

*****

Someone started a little joke about renaming the street in front of Trump tower. But people have started to take it seriously and NY is considering the name President Barack Obama Avenue.

*****

The administration is rolling back regs on the endangered species act. It has been a great success but Trump and the lobbyists think it just stands in the way of their profits.

*****

28% of delivery drivers have eaten some of your food.

*****

The Rolling Stones are trying to push a green agenda on the latest tour. At some venues fans can purchase a tones cup for $3, use it all night and then take it home or turn it in for your $3 back.** In 1964 the first Stones album came out and the Mariner 4 fly by satellite had its first look at Mars. In November last year the Insight lander thrusters disturbed a rock on Mars which has been dubbed Rolling Stones rock.

*****

Studies show that the most dangerous years of our lives are the year we are born and the year we retire. Depression spikes 40% after retirement. In Okinawa, Japan they don’t even have a word for retire. On the whole they eat a lot of fresh seafood and eat smaller portions. They seem to live the longest, healthiest lives.

*****

The green shirt guy was a thing for a few minutes.

*****

Wal Mart is really cracking down on security, one store at a time. Some people are asking the store to stop selling guns and donating to NRA backed lawmakers.

*****

The Black lady sketch show is Robin Thede’s new thing which is good but her last show was good too.

 R.I.P. Saoirse Kennedy Hill, Hal Prince, the El Paso and Dayton and Odessa/Midland shooting victims, D.A. Pennebaker, Toni Morrison, Jimmy Aldaoud, Valerie Harper and Peter Fonda.