#god i’ll miss that little apartment even though it’s not mine

[do-not-interact-1]

at least i’m sad about something tangible now

[bwskj]

NSFW MDI | jjk x reader

- jjk characters reacting to u asking them on call for a moaning audio -

chars: gojo, nanami, megumi, sukuna, yuuji, inumaki

notes: (text) are you; bulleted + written

tags: honestly just a lot of nsfw stuff, pls x away if ur a minor or uncomfy

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gojo

— “baby what?”, he laughs amused, “did you just say you want me to send a moaning audio?”

— you can practically hear the smirk in his voice, “ah baby, well i could do that… just not for free. give me something to look at and i’ll make it, how about that?”

output: bro sends a hand held video of him jacking off while sitting on the living room couch. a part of his laptop sitting on the coffee table with your photo/video on it is shown in the upper half of the video, behind the main character that is his thick hard cock. satoru likes talking as if you’re there kneeling in front of him, pretending he’s got your face to tap his dick on before he fully wraps his hand around the girth and starts pumping. he often groans low with the occasional sharp inhales through gritted teeth. eventually, he gets to the point wherein he’s leaking so much pre-cum it’s enough to help him make big smooth strokes over his length. his camera angle ends up wonky sometimes because he’s too zoned in jerking off to you. “fuckkk baby, god you’re so—hot” and “shit… that’s mine, that fucking pussy belongs to me.” he sure loves his dirty talk, “bet you wanna ride this huh, baby? want your tight pussy walls sucking up my cock.” when he finally cums, you can tell he’s trying his best to not hold in his moans (cause ofc that’s what you’re looking for). his thighs tense, spreading apart as his cum shoots up high, loud groans with every shot that spatters all over his bare stomach. he aims the camera down at his messy torso, laying his dick on it as he swipes it across the mess around and on his happy trail. “you better lick this clean off, baby.”

nanami

—“excuse me? a what?” (you repeat yourself)

—hunched over his desk at work, he says, “honey i… don’t do that,” he sounds concerned that you would ask for such thing, “do you need it for… something?” you can imagine the stitch in his brow when he asks this.

— (you reply with a vague and teasing “maybe”) kento lightly huffs, seeming slightly bothered (?)“well, i’m busy right now… just… wait until i get home.”

output: no audio but what did you expect he was at work! not like he would do it though if he wasn’t. instead, on the way home, he’s got one thing on his mind. the thought keeps bubbling up in excitement, making him tap his foot in impatience as he rides the elevator up to your shared apartment. when you hear the jangle of his keys in the doorknob, you spring up from where you’ve been rotting. a smile immediately appears on your face when you see your boyfriend looking even more dashing with the appearance of a man who’s worked hard all day at work. “you’re home, i—“ you’re about to tell him you’ve missed him but he cuts you off when he closes the distance, leaning in and catching your lips with his. he drops his work bag on the floor as the big palm of his hand slides onto your back. he pulls you close, not giving you the chance to speak anymore as his deep hungry kiss keeps your mouth busy. you manage to make at least the sound of, “mphh.. Kento!” when his lips pull back a bit. you can tell he’s trying to hold himself back, his jaw and shoulders feeling rigid when your hands feel over them. “couldn’t wait to get home,” he mumbles when his mouth detaches for a second — basically, yea, he fucks you pretty much the whole night or until you can’t take any more. everything he does is meant to please you; he thrives on giving you, his pretty princess, what you want, feeling fulfilled when he knows he can keep you more than satisfied.

sukuna

— “the fuck? a moaning audio? why would i do that?

— he stretches his jaw, the eyes on his cheeks fluttering a little eye roll. he speaks into the mic at a low volume, “baby if you miss being dicked down just say so…”

— “uhuh yea, keep pretending you don’t want it til you’ve got this cock in your mouth, right? stay put. i’m coming over”

output: no moaning audio. he gets to your place in 10 minutes (how the fuck he got there that quick you’ll never know). when you greet him at the door, mouth ajar in surprise, you can’t stop yourself from cheekily saying, “well, isn’t somebody excited?”

“i wanna know what the bitch who’s asking for an audio sounds like when she gets what she actually wants,” he cockily spits out as he looms over you by the still open door frame.

your eyes widen at his response but you can only stutter before his hand is suddenly holding you by your throat. he welcomes himself in, shutting the door behind him while you almost stumble back into your hallway. your hands instinctively reach to grab at the back of his hand around your neck. not even a second later and his other hand grabs one of yours, tugging it and placing it over the tent in his pants. his fingers sandwiched around your neck begins to squeeze and you accidentally sound out a moan. you can feel his sharp nails pricking your nape. his hand holding yours guides you into palming him. a dark smirk is on his face. “i’m fucking hard. do something about it.”

long story short: he rails you (on your bed, in front of the mirror, doggy style or just backshots in general— he loves pinning your wrists behind you and watching your tits bounce everytime he pounds into you. when you’re on top, he doesn’t even give you the chance to ride him on your own). “how you liking this, huh? sweet little slut. you like this fat cock fucking your stomach? isn’t this better than some shit tease through the phone?”

megumi

— his cheeks warm when he hears the words through the phone, “what’s that?” He asks though he knows full well what you mean (i think megumi would be a secret tumblr user).

— you carefully explain it to him. there’s hesitation in his voice when he says, “oh, i see…”

— alarmed by the way his voice trailed off, you reassure him that he doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to.

— he replies with a slightly stammered okay and the call eventually awkwardly ends with exchanged ‘i love you’s and ‘talk to you later’s

— you feel slightly embarrassed for voicing your request but it’s not long before you forget about it. it was worth a shot.

— that night, while you’re snuggled up in your cozy blanket, you receive a single voice note from megumi with no message attached

— megumi blushes as he stares at the file he just sent, wondering if he did it okay. you don’t know that he jack offed and recorded not even five minutes after your call ended.

output: when you press play you’re immediately met with the semi-distant sounds of megumi’s shaky gasps and breathy low moans. it looks like he sent you a recording of the most interesting part of his session wherein wet stroking sounds are being picked up by his phone. there’s oftentimes soft whimpers that slip through, the noise of his bed covers shifting on his skin almost overpowering it when he gets more and more into fucking his hand (or whatever he’s slotting his dick through). you have to replay it a couple times to make sure you heard right—pride blooming within you when you’re certain he’s whimpering and mumbling out your name. his moans rise in pitch and grow more rugged the closer he gets to his climax. “a-ah… mm—hah.. gonna c-cum,” you can hear the strokes getting faster and the sheets being gripped tight. when he cums, he gets even louder, noisy staggering moans falling out his mouth. you just know his throbbing dick is thrusting up while chasing his high. when it dies down, you can hear soft panting and then the sound of his phone being picked up. there’s a silent pause before his voice comes through low and crisp, “i… hope you liked that.”

yuuji

— “a what audio??”, he laughs, “you’re kidding!” His laugh fades when he realises you aren’t.

— “wait seriously, you’re into that? like those audios on reddit or something?”

— (“… you know those?” you ask curiously.)

— yuuji gets flustered, he stutters, “i-i don’t—I accidentally came across them once. kinda freaked me out, ngl…”

— (“freaked you out?”)

— “yea, i dunno, never imagined guys to be doing that for a living. and i didn’t know there were girls who especially liked that.”

— (“really… well a lot of girls actually like that. but yea, i guess you wouldn’t really know, cuz you know,” you lightly tease.)

— yuuji rubs a hand over his blushing cheek, “you don’t have to keep reminding me that you’re my first…”

— (he always reacts like this and so you remind him again [you love reminding him], “sorry my yuuji, but you know, i love being your first, especially knowing that my competition is literally THE jennifer lawrence.”)

— you can hear the smile yuuji is trying to keep down, “and your 100x better than her,” (honestly, you just tease him to hear him say this again)

— (“so what about that audio?”)

— “hm?” yuuji didn’t even realize it until now that he’s got a hand over the boner jutting through his boxers

— you quickly reassure him that he can say no if he doesn’t want to. there’s a silence that hangs for a moment in the call, and when you’re about to say something again to dismiss the topic, he starts, “could you… maybe, talk me through it?”

output: you piece together that yuuji’s turned on. “are you… hard rn?” your voice comes gentle through the phone and yuuji grabs his dick stronger through the cloth, pushing his palm against it. he shudders, “m-maybe.” your voice sounds so good.

“are you…” you trail off, but yuuji knows what you mean. he quickly replies, “is this okay? you can tell me if it’s not, i-i’ll stop.” yuuji doesn’t want to stop but he’s stiffened his hand on his dick to try to stop himself from touching further without your consent.

there’s another short pause before you say, “mm, it’s okay, yuuji… you need help?”

“mhm,” he hums, instantly resuming his hand movement. there’s slight guilt when he clears his throat and says, “s-sorry our call kind of—went in another direction, it’s okay if you don’t want to. I can—“

your laugh cuts him off, “sweetie it’s okay. i’d like to help. we’ll hit two birds with one stone since i wanted an audio anyway.”

yuuji blushes even harder. “I… I’ll try to not… hold it in.”

you grin, biting at your lip as you lay in your bed with your phone planted on your ear. “Good… you’ll give me what i want hm?”

Yuuji’s breaths are beginning to tremble as he continues to rub himself to the sound of your voice. “y-yea, for you… i’ll do what you want.”

it gets more serious when yuuji finally takes his dick out his boxers and starts pumping it up and down; it’s almost fully hard. he loves it when you ask him what he’s doing, what he’s thinking about. his moans start off quiet but when you tell him you wanna hear him, his voice breaks and he lets a louder sound come out his throat. “can you imagine your hand as my hand, or my mouth?” you ask him. at this point your thighs are squeezed together and you can feel the wetness pool in your panties. this makes yuuji moan even louder.

after a couple minutes of this teasing dirty talk, yuuji can’t take it anymore and the needy words, “fuh… i… i want to see you. c-can i?” slip out of his mouth.

it turns into a video call after the both of you move to transfer to your laptops. you can see yuuji’s tip peeking from the bottom edge of the screen. his shirt is on and it’s lightly sticking to his skin, likely because he’s starting to sweat. when you turn on your camera, your pretty face comes into view and you’re in the usual clothes you wear at home: loose shirt, no bra, panties. you can instantly tell yuuji’s back to jerking himself, though you can’t see his whole hand or his face at all.

“let me see you, sweetie,” you say, hand digging between your sticking thighs and going over your clothed crotch.

his movement slows, “shit, you wanna see me?” he sounds embarrassed. you nod. yuuji is obviously reluctant, but he listens, repositioning his laptop further so it captures his face and dick in hand. you feel yourself throb at the sight.

it isn’t long before you’re touching your bare pussy in front of the camera, tits out on display. you’re lewd and so is yuuji, now more confidently moaning as he pleases himself to you. between your own sounds, you softly say, “gosh my pretty baby. you’re doing so well,” knowing how your boyfriend is secretly a sucker for praise. yuuji groans, body jerking as his face flushes even redder. “will you come for me?” you say. you’ve got him in the palm of your hand.

yuuji’s a moaning needy mess, the hand not on his dick pinning the hem of his shirt high up. “fuugh… y-yes… yes for you. I’ll come… i’m about to—about… agh—“

yuuji’s hand pumps the tip fast and he cums strongly, head bowing as his hips thrust up and he shoots white. “Ah~ oh~,” he’s shaky and noisy all the way through his high. when he finally lifts his head up to look at you, you’re sweetly smiling (you came watching him cum but he missed it ://). you stare at one another for a moment before the both of you let out (somewhat nervous) laughter.

yuuji pats sweat off his forehead with the back of his clean hand, careful not to have the other covered in his own cum go near his bed sheets. “gosh, you’re good. i’m so lucky to have you.”

you beam. “and i’m so lucky to have such a pretty, handsome boyfriend. you did great.”

he shyly looks away, biting on his lip to suppress a smile, “thank you.”

inumaki

— you text him asking for a moaning audio (unless u want inumaki to go tuna tuna at u on call lmao)

— “?”

— “how do i make that?”

— you send him a voice note explaining what kind of audio it is, making sure to tell him he doesnt have to do it if he doesnt want to

— “…”

— “okay…”

— “i totally thought you wanted to hear me in pain and i was… concerned.”

— (“??? baby pls no?!)

— “thank god”

— there’s a pause in the chat

— “i would send if i could.”

— (“wdym? if you don’t feel comfortable about it it’s okay maki”)

— “no… um”

—(“?”)

— “i don’t really get hard unless ur here.”

— (you stare at his message before sending an “oh !”)

— “yea… nothing else does it for me. sorry.”

— (you’re both blushing and stricken by his response. “no baby don’t be sorry TT you don’t need to do this. i can always hear you in person.”)

— “sure?”

— (“yes for sure TT”)

— “:p i’ll make those sounds for you next time if you really like them.”

output: next time you see each other, it starts off as usual. a casual date outside before going back to his place for nightly cuddles and eventually… that. it’s clear inumaki remembers you’re conversation without you having to bring it up. he’s nervous at first (he’s always been pretty quiet mostly because he’s mindful of using his voice), and you see it in his eyes. “just let it out okay? it’s just me here,” you whisper when you softly kiss under his neck, a little shy as well. soon, when you’re kissing, touching, and sucking him all over, his moans are tiny sharp inhales and whimpers rising up his throat; they come out somewhat muffled because of his closed mouth. since he can’t really risk saying anything, he’ll tell you that he feels good with a hand combing through your hair or a thumb caressing your skin. he’ll buck up into your throat when he cums, his mouth accidentally opening to sound out a breathier vocal moan. when you pull up, wiping your mouth after swallowing, he doesn’t hesitate to pull your face close, kissing you sweetly. you know it’s his way of saying ‘thank you. i love you.”

—— <3

a/n: wrote smth diff today (context: i usually write leon kennedy stuff) these are just my headcanons so i’d love to hear what u guys think! xoxo i had sm fun writing this hehe

also, can u guess who my fav char is? (it’s not the one with the longest part— mb that some are longer than others, idk how to stop smtms)

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Warning! This chapter focus on mental health struggles and body image issues (depression and ed) It’s a little dark so if that is at all potentially triggering to you please be advised and do not interact.

Chapter 20 - Miss Mama | ‘Ours’

“She’s okay? God, please tell me she’s okay.” Trent asked in a voice that was heart wrenching. Lauren felt her heart shatter listening to him sound so meek and broken.

“Erm… physically so so, emotionally, T, I’ll be honest it’s not good. I know she fucked up but this isn’t good for you two to be apart. I’m worried.” Lauren croaked out. “I’m here with her now but….” She tried to begin to provide some sort of update but Trent cut her off.

“I need her to be okay, Lauren. I can’t have her like this. I need her. She… She’s my whole world. I am nothing without her. I’m so worried. I was the one that caused all of this. I need her to be okay.” He started to cry. Lauren could hear the gasps for air and sniffles through the phone. “I.. God, I l..love her so much.” Trent began to stutter interspersed between his tears. Lauren hadn’t really ever heard him cry but she understood wholeheartedly how upset he must’ve felt because she was feeling pretty much the same way.

“I know…  I know you do, T. I think she needs to come home. She needs you. Seriously, I know you guys have a lot to unpack after what’s happened but being away from you, from Teddy… it’s killing her. She’s… she’s not well.” Lauren didn’t know how to describe or even articulate your current state. You were gaunt, your face didn’t have the glow it did when you were with him or your baby. Lauren had seen this version of you before though unfortunately. She hadn’t seen it in years but she’d never forget it. Since Trent entered your life there had been an incandescence about you. Sure, you had dips, everyone does but he was there now to hold you through it all. She recalled an ability you had that she hated to morph your body to completely display your emotional state. Your mental condition contorting into a physical one. “T…” Lauren whimpered, starting to cry. “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I know she’s told you. You’ve been so good for her, you’ve changed her whole outlook on life, you treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I’m just worried because this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this.” Lauren took a deep breath. 

“I am made for her. I know that. That is my purpose. I am supposed to take care of her and cherish her and I was mad, I was upset but I don’t want this. I never wanted to be the one to kick off something like this. God, I’m going fucking mad, here. Why did I let her leave like that ... .Wait, wait, hold on, do what, Laur?” Trent paused his momentary rant to get Lauren to clarify. 

“Winnie told me about the first time. I hadn’t met Y/N yet. She just was so sick. She wasn’t taking care of herself. I know you already know about these things, I don’t have to relay it all to you again. Honestly, I can barely talk about it. I don't want to have to do this anymore” Lauren’s body shuddered remembering other time’s that she’s been in this very situation. “I’ve watched her destroy herself. She lets herself wither away. I've seen it again and again and I thought we were done. I thought that you’d be the person that finally brought her some peace and seeing her like this again… it’s breaking me. When I came into the apartment… god” Lauren continued to cry, her heart hurting thinking about her best friend struggling to see what everyone around her saw. You were beautiful, inside and out and not in a cliche way, in a way that was indisputable and breathtakingly refreshing. Trent’s stomach dropped. He actually thought he might’ve blacked out while Lauren continued talking.  “She’s okay, she’s safe and asleep but she just really doesn’t want to lose you, she couldn’t handle it.” You didn’t always have the strength to push past the type of destruction you’d inflict on yourself over the years but there was something that Trent was able to do that gave you hope, gave you moments of truly feeling love and value. Lauren believed in you. You could be strong but losing Trent was not something she wanted you to have to ever endure. That was your person. The one that was created and cut, defined and detailed just for you.

“Get her back to me, Lauren. I need her. I am not losing her. You will not lose her. This is stopping now. Whatever you need, just get her back home to me. I’m going to take care of her, I promise.” Trent said sternly. This was over. Being apart was over. Honestly, Trent wanted to just fly to New York right now but he couldn’t because he had a match. He wanted to say fuck football. Trust, he never said that and meant it but he did right now. He knew you’d be mad if he did it and he knew it would cause a stir so he bestowed all his trust in Lauren to get you to him.

As you laid in your bed, Trent was unavoidable in your dreams. He was everywhere. You cried in your sleep. Missing him. You couldn’t get up when your eyes began to flutter open, god knows how much longer later. Enough for Lauren to have your next 24 hours already planned out for you at the least. Your body was paralyzed by the crushing weight feeling as if you ruined your impending marriage and family over a stupid night out you took too far. The tears kept falling. In retrospect, you’re not sure they had stopped for the past few days. You were amazed you had any left in your tear ducts. You thought about how beautiful Trent was and how, in a nearly impossible way, what you created together, Teddy, your baby, was even more beautiful. You could hear their laughs echoing in your head in the most cynical mockery of what you were missing. You missed them so much.

You were filled with a mix of fear, regret, anxiety, heartache, and anticipation when Lauren got you back to your house. You felt your body go cold as you approached your once incredibly warm front door. Lauren stayed outside calling Jude for her own moral support that she needed. You were in a haze but this was really difficult on her as well. You punched in the front door’s code and heard the lock turn and shift. You grabbed the handle and pushed. The smell of your house hit you like a freight train. You could’ve physically fallen over with the amount of memories that flooded your mind at the scent. You covered your face with your hands for a moment and took a deep breath trying to compose yourself. You dropped your bag and your Rimowa at the door just the way you hated Trent did.  The alarm beep rang through the house alerting that a door had opened. The sound was like catnip. You heard the pitter patter of bare feet running clumsily on the hardwood floors. Around the corner swung the most perfect little girl. Her hair laid flat pulled into a bun with a few ringlet curls escaping. She had a light pink shirt on dragging a bear on the ground behind her with one arm holding its paw in her hand. You started to cry immediately.

“Mama!” Teddy cried. Tears coursing down her cheeks. Her initial excitement of who was at the front door halted by the surprise of how much she missed you. This was so unfair to her. You sat on the floor and pulled her into your embrace engulfing her. You sobbing along with her.

“My baby. I missed you so much. I love you so much.  I’m so sorry mummy was away. I’m so sorry, baby.” You pressed your lips to her hair and shut your eyes tight. She didn't really understand why you'd been away but boy was she happy to see you. You never wanted to let go of this little girl. Teddy continued to weep but she slowed eventually. Your hold of her only seeming to get tighter though as she fell into shorter breaths and sounds of hiccups 

“Miss my mama.” She cooed talking into your shirt. You squeezed her that much tighter. Your hand running over her head before you loosened your hold to be able to look at her. You pressed her nose against hers. “Mama no sad.” She whimpered, being able to see how visibly upset you were. It hadn’t actually been more than 72 hours that all this unfolded but you felt like she managed to grow up somehow. She was so emotionally attuned and intelligent. She nuzzled her face into the nape of your neck comforted by your smell and you by hers. 

“Oh baby, I know, I know you missed mama. I missed you so much. I’m not sad, I’m just so happy to see my little Teddy bear, yeah? Were you good for daddy?” The question just fell out like a habit. You shut your eyes barely able to process saying his name to her. It was then you heard ‘daddy’s’ footsteps coming to stand close but what still felt far away watching you in the foyer. He could tell immediately you’d lost weight in the span of days. The curve of your shoulder looked different, your cheekbones just a little more defined. 

“Dada! Mama home!” Teddy pulled away from you and turned around to Trent to tell him the exciting news. He nodded with a smile at her, not looking at you. You weren’t sure if this would be all that exciting of news to him. Nevertheless, you got yourself up on shaky legs. He came over to you in what felt like slow motion. You told yourself you wouldn’t cry. He hated when you cried and you didn’t want to upset him more but you thought you might seeing his gorgeous face again. You had no idea where the two of you stood. He said he was done but you were back home by Lauren's guidance for the sake of your daughter.  She didn’t want to do any of the talking for Trent, she was simply acting as a delivery woman. Trent extended one arm out to you. His big hand grabbing the back of your neck harshly, almost aggressively pulling your sylphlike body into his strong one. He brought his other arm around you slipping low across the small of your back the way he usually did. It was a bone crushing embrace. You felt his chest tremble and then he sniffed in harshly as he began to cry. You made him cry. You shut your eyes, extending the persistence of the horrible feelings you’d had for days. 

“I love you.” You whispered, tucking your face against his neck. Your nose flattened against his soft skin. Teddy stood quietly holding onto your leg not ready to let go. Lauren snuck into the house quietly and grabbed her. “I’m sorry.” you whimpered barely audible. You took a deep breath reveling in the feeling of his warm hold, relief and fear concomitantly falling over you.

“Don’t fucking ever leave us again. Your home, your place in this world is right here in my arms with our little girl. We cannot survive without you here. Do you understand me?” Trent cooed with a stern but shaky voice keeping you tight to his chest. You nodded as your pervasive tears returned. More and more falling the longer he held you. “We love you. God, fuck… I am so in love with you Y/N. Please don’t ever leave me. No matter how much I push, no matter what’s happening, you cannot leave.” He pleaded begging you more than he was instructing you.  

“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want you to not want me anymore. I want to come home, T. You’re the love of my life. You’re the only way I’m able to breathe.” You placed your hand over your heaving chest because your heart began to hurt so badly. 

“You can’t go anywhere else. Not letting you.” He said with a desperate release of air. Your other hand’s nails dug into his cotton t-shirt covering his back. You let him cry, loosening your claw and rubbing circles with your hand on his lower back whilst the other moved off your chest to gently scratch his scalp until he was able to calm down.

“You never cry…” You made the observation giving him a sad smile in between gasping breaths. You wiped the tears under his eyes gently. Guilt and empathy running down your face. 

“You’re worth crying for, baby.” he cupped your cheek. The heartfelt way he said baby to you returning, stilling your racing mind. He looked into your eyes and you felt everything around you disappear. Every worry, every physical thing around you vanishing, only him left. He kissed you and it was like someone restarted your whole nervous system. The cogs in your brain began turning again, the blood in your body began to pump again, your heart began beating again, the color began to rush back into your cheeks. “You owe me a few days of kisses, yeah? Teddy too. She’s desperate, apparently I’m not the same as mama.” He cooed, pulling away momentarily letting you know the work that laid ahead of you before returning his lips to their rightful place on yours.

“Oh no…” you couldn’t help but giggle picturing the conversations they must’ve had. Your lips curling into a toothy smile inadvertently pulling them off his. Listening to the two of them together was precious, you could only imagine what they were saying when they were alone. It made your heart swell seeing those two identical faces together.  “What’d she say?” you asked curious to hear about the exchange. 

“Nah, she had me running, you know? I felt like she knew the game she was playing as well. Dada want this, dada up, dada quiet. Just command after command and then in swept the critiques.” You smiled seeing his eyes light up recalling their days and Teddy’s hold over him.

“No mama does!” She rattled off squirming away as he attempted to do her hair after he placed her on his lap in front of him in a mirror in her room.

“I know she’s the best at it but can you let daddy do it today?” He asked her politely. He pulled her curls back into the best bun he could manage. Brushing it slicked back. She furrowed her brow at the finished product. He looked at her trying to make out why she wasn’t happy. He thought he did a good job.

“Bow! Dada bow, please.” She looked at him back through the mirror like he was dumb pressing her palm onto his thigh. Obviously, he forgot a bow. How did he not know that? He placed it and sighed. He kissed her cheek and plopped her on her own two feet.

“Are we hungry this morning? I am. I’m thinking we have the toastie you like.” Trent cooed looking at her as they walked down the hall inspecting his handiwork on her hair trying to find a flaw that warranted her disgruntled response. Teddy replied with a simple ‘yuck’ keeping her gaze fixed ahead focused on her tiny steps. “What why? What do you want then?” He asked inquisitively with a bit of a smile. It was hard not to laugh at her developing personality. He held her hand but let her navigate the grand staircase in your house roughly by herself. 

“Mama.” She responded to him confidently and calmly knowing not what she wanted to eat but very certain she’d prefer you to be there to make it for her.

“Yeah, well same…” Trent exhaled, inspecting the empty refrigerator he knew you usually filled with all the things you knew he and Teddy liked. It was the little things you did that had disappeared in front of his eyes now missing them tremendously in a day's time.

“I mean… it wasn’t good, baby.” His smile faded as he recalled the last couple days that were filled with some cute moments but more so difficult ones.

“Baby?” You asked, interested if that’s where you stood now. Were you on good terms? One of the last times he said it it really stung.

“Yeah, my baby. Forever but we really need to talk.” He spoke to you softly before taking your hand and guiding you into the cinema. It made you nervous hearing the door shut behind you. The noise reminding you the room had sound proof walls. God, you hoped this wasn’t going to be another loud fight like the one that transpired in your kitchen where you’d need those walls.

“I know we’re talking and it’s serious but…” You took a deep breath and tried to fight back tears. You sat on opposite sides of the couch in the room awkwardly as if you had just met. You looked at him with a pout and puppy dog eyes.  “I’m scared and I really need you. Can you just hold me please?” You whimpered out, quite pathetic. 

“C’mere, pretty girl. This is where you’re supposed to be, yeah?” He smiled softly, loving hearing that you needed him, that he was a comfort to you. You relaxed in his arms, relieved that was the vibe and not you two raising your voices. You laid your head on his shoulder. Trent hugged you tightly and you couldn’t hold back the tears that began to run down your face. You bawled his shirt in your fists.

“T… Who was that in the photos?” You sheepishly asked, unable to keep it inside anymore. You wanted to get what felt like the hard bit out of the way. You were lying to yourself and using him as a scapegoat. This wasn’t the hard part by a long shot. No matter his answer, there was a massive elephant in the room and it was you but you couldn’t shake the photos online of him and that woman. The thought of someone else, another girl spending time alone with him. Her somehow becoming his best friend. Him choosing her over you. 

“Baby…” He drew out the pet name, saddened you’d seen the photos and imagined something completely incorrect. 

“If you did, I’d understand.” You cut him off before he even answered you, excusing an action he didn’t do. He dropped his head back against the couch frustrated this was still where you were at, that things didn’t magically change when you walked back into the house. You believed he could treat you like that and it would be an okay thing, something you might’ve deserved.

“Stop. I didn’t do anything. It was George’s cousin. Baby… we gotta work through this. You need to understand I’m committed to you. This is why I met with her. You need…” He trailed off feeling awkward and terrible for what he was about to say. “ You need help.” He muttered out. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all, T, the final, New York.  I never wanted to hurt you.” You apologized earnestly.

“You didn’t hurt me, I mean you did but I’m more concerned about you hurting yourself. I was scared. I know Lauren told Jude not to but baby, we’re all really worried. They both told me about what happened in the apartment in New York…” He sighed hating that you were even having to have this conversation. You exhaled his name, defeated feeling the same. “Nah, I don’t want a defense or excuse. I can’t lose you.” He tried to deter you from the innate need to defend yourself. 

“Before Wembley… I don’t know. I got too drunk and I was alone and I got sad. It was a one off.” You had no ground to stand on, any reasoning would’ve been illogical but you felt the words jumbled rolling off your tongue. 

“It’s not. When Lauren visited, you got so sad, baby. It’s just not, you’ve said it’s happened before. Your dad told me, Winnie’s told me, Lauren’s told me. It might not be happening in front of me but it’s happening. Baby, I get that it…” He tried to keep talking to you but you gave him a face you gave to a lot of people. A facade of interest. A mask being pulled in front of your face, the elastic band snapping behind your head securing it. “Don’t…” he reprimanded you knowing it all too well. “Fine, I can’t understand but I imagine it’s hard to talk about. I’m scared. I’ll be the one to say it, alright? I’m fucking scared, Y/N.” He sheepishly admitted to you. Feeling like he failed by doing so. “We need to go to a doctor. I don’t mean this derogatorily I just think someone could help. I'm out of my depth here. I don’t want anything to happen to you. To my Y/N. To my baby’s mum.” He defeatedly let out. You could feel his heart racing pressed against you. You had so much to say but nothing would come out. You cuddled into him, laying your head on his chest. “I love you so much.” He whispered, breathing you in. Transitioning from sheer desperation to admiration for your body in his hands right now. Jesus Christ, what had happened? In a weird way he began to wonder if he felt like he had used you. “Am I making things worse?” He questioned you terrified of your potentially heartbreaking answer. You shook your head ‘no.’ Why didn’t this stuff go on in front of him? The inability to keep up with a golden boy wasn’t the problem but it was hard to not feel downtrodden. Trent was empathetic, he could hear it in the way you cried in the kitchen before you left.

'You expect me to be this perfect version 24/7 but I’m not. I’m not!” You kept crying. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m trying but I can’t be like you, okay?” You whimpered, feeling defeated and broken.'

You didn’t really blame Trent for being good at well… life. Instead, you felt a crushing amount of guilt and shame for not simply being enough. The inability to measure up not to him but for him. You felt so tender in his arms like if he moved suddenly or too rough you’d break or bruise. He thought about the way he had sex with you, the way he uprooted you to England, the way he got you pregnant. He felt horrible that he inflicted so much on you physically. He just wanted to take care of you but alternatively, you’d never felt less used. The exact scenarios he was recalling flashed through your mind in the most blissfully painful way. You shut your eyes again. You wouldn’t change a thing, a lie, maybe a few things on your end but overall, no. His hands on you felt alleviating and comforting all the time. Even if he was fucking you roughly, even if you were jet lagged flying places to see him, even the grueling process of labor was fine all because he was there. 

“Thank you for caring.” You muttered out embarrassingly honestly, finally finding some words that you felt wholeheartedly would be good to start with. Trent’s heart, if it hadn’t already when he saw you come back into your house, it surely did just completely shatter. He kissed your hair and then over your ear before whispering to you. 

“I will always care about you. More than you could ever understand. I will do anything for you…” he paused and let out a breathy sigh. “Anything.” The warmth of his breath, the drag of his lips moving down your skin sent a shiver running up your spine. 

“T, we shouldn't, it's too soon.” You moaned feeling his lips cascade down the length of your jaw. The mood in the room shifting in slow motion. He didn’t mean to, it just was instinctual. His big hands moving the fabric of your top further and further up, finding more and more of your bare skin. You pushed yourself back into him, rolling your head to the side. Telling him one thing out loud and asking for something completely different silently. 

“It’s fine. We’re fine, baby. We’re gonna be fine.”  He rattled off, not able to think very clearly lost in a very thick haze feeling your body again.

“We can’t do this, T. I have more to say.” You whined, not meaning half the words you said. You definitely wanted to do this but you also did have more to say. He had no control at this point and you hated that it turned you on so much. His desire for you would always trump any sense of reasoning you had. You couldn’t stop him because the sensations running through you were invincible. The physical attraction and the sexual desire between you would always pull you back together. 

“No, no, this is going to be really good. I fucking need you. I missed you so much..” You turned towards him with a desperate look on your face. Your eyes filled with lust. Trent could get hard off the look on your face alone but feeling you again, touching you again was setting him off. He pulled you into a messy make out gripping your face before pushing you backwards onto more of the couch crawling over you. “We need this. You need this.” He whispered, breathing you in and moving his kisses to your neck. You kept him close to you pulling him to you by his face. His hands dropped to your waist. He was right, you needed this, you needed him. His soft warm hands pushed your shirt up to feel more of you. 

“I love you, baby.” You murmured your lips unable to not pull into a smile. He sighed into the crook of your neck hearing you say that. You brought your legs to wrap around him digging your heels into his back. You couldn’t think about anything else but him for the last few days and right now was no different. 

“I love you so much.” He cooed and his voice never sounded more caring and honest. He spoke into your warm skin, kissing them into the most sensitive part of your neck. The whole thing feels more intimate than ever. Love filling the room to the brim. He reached between you and looped the two layers of his boxer and trousers pulling both off. He revealed his tone v line and you let out an embarrassing moan, you taking your own clothes off swiftly. He pulled away from you and looked at your bare body. You felt so naked and vulnerable, he could sense your nerves. He tilted your face towards his holding your cheek. “What are you being shy about? It’s just me, yeah?” He waited for you. You nodded pulling him back into a kiss. You sighed in the kiss dragging your nails up his chest. He repositioned his body over yours and dragged the tip of his leaking cock through your folds. 

“T… please, I need you.” You whined. He smiled happy you were back to your normal comfortable self with him. He slowly eased into your dripping wet pussy. You moaned as Trent treaded carefully moving slowly inside. His face fell into your neck groaning at the feeling of you wrapping around him. He moved slowly but precisely. Your nails dug into his back as he kissed your skin. Each stroke loving and thoughtful. He picked up his pace though lost in the feeling. 

“You feel so good, baby.” He grunted pushing your thigh up further to your side, hitting deeper inside you. The grip of his fingers on you dug into your soft thigh. He found the spot inside you only knew, only for him, only for you, repeatedly 

“Baby, oh my god, T. I missed you. I’m so sorry. I love you.” You were unable to stop your babbles. Tears began to fill your waterline.

“Don’t be. I love you. You’re here with me. Be here with me. Fuck, you feel so good. Let me take care of you” He inhaled a sharp breath. His dimples s sank into cheeks as he gave a sincerely sad and sympathetic smile. “Tell me your mine, baby.” He murmured continuing to thrust into in a way that was so euphoric your tears began to fall. His voice was breathy against your ear feeling the same amount of emotion you were feeling. The weight of his body on top of yours feeling like nothing compared to the weight lifting off you two. Your orgasm approached faster and faster, minute after minute. He bit onto your earlobe and tugged, grabbing your attention. 

“I’m yours, Trent. I’m always gonna be yours.” You whimpered. His mahogany eyes poured back into yours. He felt his heart skip a beat when you pulled him back down into a kiss. He fucked you harder with a harsh grunt juxtaposed by the sweetest kiss to the bridge of your nose. Your hand dragged down from behind his neck down the protruding veins of his arms until you reached the rigid texture of the Patek Phillipe watch he had wrapped on his wrist. The knot in your stomach tightened. It only took a few more mind numbing thrusts before Trent’s head dropped into your neck. Your climax erupting inside of you, your vision going white. His cock throbbed inside of you, beginning to paint your walls. You moaned ‘I love yous’ simultaneously. You felt him pouring into you. Waves upon waves of pleasure coursing through both of you. You hid your face against him. He slowed and you felt your bottom lip quiver against his skin. An uncontrollable sob escaped you. Your emotions bubbled over once more. Trent pulled out as gently as he could. He rolled off of you but was swift pulling you back into him. You clung to him crying. 

“I’m right here.” He whispered, pulling you that much closer to him and yet it wasn’t close enough. You wanted to be completely surrounded by him. “Can you look at me, baby?”  He sounded so worried. You shook your head ‘no.’  “Y/N…” He grabbed your face gently and turned you towards him. “I need to know you’re okay.” He asked softly. More tears escaped.

“I’m okay… just love you so much, T.” You pouted up at him and you felt his tense hold relax. “I love you.” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek the way you always pretended to hate but secretly loved. You wiped his wet spit off of you and giggled. Trent felt relief wash over him when he heard his favorite sound in the world. 

“Oh wow… so mummy and daddy are… fine.” Lauren laughed carrying Teddy past the cinema minutes okay from upstairs into the kitchen. She was currently FaceTiming Jude biding her time while watching Teddy for you and Trent to ‘talk.’ “I think they’re fine. I mean they’re fucking so it’s either a really good thing or a really bad thing.” She laughed. Hoping for the first option. “Should we make you some lunchtime, hmm?” She cooed to the little girl in her arms while Teddy eagerly nodded trying to grab hold of her phone curious about Jude on the other end. 

“You’re good with kids, Laur.” Jude spoke through her phone with a cheeky smile seeing her so attentive and kind to Teddy. 

“I think I’m just good with Teddy. She's chill so it doesn’t really count. I know this is how it works but she’s the perfect blend of them. All the best things I like rolled into the cutest, squishiest, baby girl in the whole world!” Lauren sang in a soft voice, pinching at Teddy’s tummy. Her squeal shrieking through the phone, Jude blinking his eyes a few times, taken aback by her response to Lauren.

“All done mama!” Teddy yelled as you met them in the kitchen, flush. You pressed a kiss to Teddy's hair on your way to get the water you needed desperately before attending to her. She had finished eating the lunch Lauren kindly had made for her.  

“Good girl.” You cooed with a smile. Lauren sat with a smug look on her face as she waited for the inevitable late entrance of Trent, who, when he did stride in, looked absolutely fucking elated.

“Dada miss mama,” Teddy told you as she saw Trent enter. It was an over simplified way saying Trent had really missed you. He sadly and softly smiled at you hearing her. Your heart broke a little that she’d been able to piece it together, that she could sense Trent’s sad mood. 

“Mummy loves you so much.” He’d reassure her feeling completely unsure of what was going on in your relationship.The few nights you were away Trent would tuck Teddy in as she cried.  Teddy would fall asleep only comforted by Trent babbling on little stories and tidbits about you, how perfect you were, how much you likely missed her. They’d watch videos of you and he’d melt.  “Want to see something baby? Want to see the day I met mummy?” He laughed remembering a specific video he had on his phone, he wanted to watch. Teddy nodded tiredly, adjusting to the new routine activity. He was a little embarrassed he even had it but it made him remember a really good time despite things being so bad right now. You likely didn’t even know this video existed. He kept it in a locked folder on his phone primarily where all your nudes and let’s say spicer videos lived. He smiled seeing you like that. Vulnerable, needy for him and in love. You looked gorgeous. He dragged his thumb over the screen. He just wanted to feel your soft skin again as he carefully picked the video of you out of the roll making sure not to pick the wrong one before he showed Teddy. It was a video Marcel had sent around in a snapchat which seemed mundane at the time. He remembered Jude teasing him about it the following day as you laid on his chest, experiencing a new warm feeling of comfort. The video was strangely endearing, like you could see your connection in real time. Energy and force pushing you together. The earth letting out a sigh of relief finally getting two people that were meant to be connected.

“Mama pwety.” Teddy looked up at him cuddling a plush bear with big sleepy eyes as they looked at the thumbnail before he pressed play. He nodded at her.  “Yeah, you have the most beautiful mummy in the world.” He confirmed to your daughter with a sigh before he hit play. Hearing your coquettish laugh in the video cozying up to him in a club years ago just about sent him into cardiac arrest. It hurt. God, did it hurt. 

“Oh, I missed you both lots.” You cooed, kissing her. She smiled, little dimples indenting in her cheeks. A very visual confirmation she was Trent’s little girl. You’ve said it before but you were comedically jealous of the genetics Teddy was inheriting from him. 

“More plebs!” Teddy screamed, grabbing for you. “Mama, miss!” She giggled loving that you were back and really loving your kisses, kicking her feet in her chair. She greedily hummed. “Lub my mummy.” She squealed excitedly. You wanted to cry but you didn’t want to stop kissing her to so you held off. 

“Mummy gives the best kisses, huh?” Trent cooed, bending over in front of Teddy to plant a kiss on your cheek with a hum. 

“You’d know…” Lauren quipped cheekily eliciting a proud  augh from Trent and a raised eyebrow from you. 

When Teddy eventually got sleepy you brought her upstairs for sleep. You went to her nursery and you pouted seeing that Trent had nestled one of your softest jumpers in her crib, the smell of you still lingering. There was a little framed photo of your family moved from its original place propped closer for her to see. You started crying so hard you had to sit down. You couldn’t believe you put your child through this, you couldn’t believe you put Trent through this. Trent came upstairs and you met him in your bedroom after you had calmed yourself down on your own. He held you in bed in a close cuddle. 

“I can’t remember ever going to bed without saying goodnight before. I hated this so much, baby.” You whispered into the dark room as he caressed your warm skin under a tiny camisole you had on. 

“We’re never doing this again. I’m sorry I got so upset.” He cooed behind the shell of your ear pressing his lips against you. You both stayed awake in a warm cuddle. You didn’t know what time it was but it as the color of sky outside fell into that warm navy color, you’d guess around 4 am though. 

“Do you still want to marry me?” You asked after a few hours of not talking, just happy to be back in his arms and good graces. Neither of you wanted to fall asleep but not out of worry, but out of comfort. You didn’t want to lose the cognizance of his presence, what he felt like, what he smelt like. 

“Not a single second went by where I ever questioned that, okay?” He hummed. You smiled through a pout. You’d hope that was true. He meant it though. He didn’t waver in his commitment to you. He told Tyler he had no plans of leaving you. Through all of this it didn’t even pop in his head you would call off the marriage. Maybe he was angry and didn’t like how things currently were but not have you, not marry you? Never. You turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed you back and shut his eyes, getting tired, not being able to keep them open anymore. You let him rest but you stayed awake inspecting his features. You brought your hand up to his face and tracing his perfectly plump lips. You brushed your thumb over his high cheekbones. You started to fall asleep then dropping your face in his neck, tucked carefully under his chin, wrapping your arms around his waist, legs tangled together. You kissed his warm skin drowsily, letting him know how much you loved him even while he slept. He woke up first the next day. He did the same as you did last night inspecting your features. The morning sun seeped through your blinds. The golden light casting over you. You looked radiant and luminescent but your soul, your heart, he could feel it. It was more striking than your beauty. He kissed your forehead before pulling you that much tighter to him. 

Trent had his last game of the season. It was a little surreal mostly because you realized that when the next season began you would be married, the surname on the jersey you were in, would be your own. Lauren and Marcel accompanied you along with Teddy. You wished Marcel would shut up so you could live in your moment of bliss imagining being his brother’s wife and admire Trent in peace. The way sweat dripped over his adams apple, his jersey sticking a little to his abs, his cheekbones highlighted by the floodlights. He looked unreal. Lauren went inside and Marcel looked at you curiously. You could feel his eyes but you ignored him until he spoke.

“Going to tell me how things have been?” He looked at you completely ignoring the game now. You rolled your eyes but he was persistent. 

“Yeah, all fine” You said dismissively, keeping your eyes on Trent whilst tucking a loose curl behind Teddy’s ear. He rolled his eyes now at you.

“Y/N… you know you have to let us in, let him in, let me in. I don’t get why you didn't tell me to begin with?” He spoke, sounding heartfelt, keeping his gaze fixed on you. 

“When was I supposed...” You sighed stopping yourself from starting to defend yourself but you could see his brow raise in annoyance. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t want to scare anyone.” You exhaled feeling a lot of guilt wash over you. He was one of your best friends and you had been extremely selfish not considering how he must’ve felt and dense assuming he wouldn’t want to know.

“Well, you did a really bad job.” He laughed and it made you smile. You felt relieved he was at least being normal again with you.  

“Marce… “ You sheepishly got out. “I’m so sorry” you apologized earnestly, leaning your head on his shoulder. He rested his head on top of yours.

“We love you. Just want mummy healthy, right Ted?” He cooed picking up Teddy from you from under her arms. Her eyes lit up. 

‘Lub mama, Celly!” She giggled, reaching to hug him wrapping herself around his neck. You pulled her Liverpool jersey down for her covering her back. You smiling at her voice. She loved him so much. To be fair, Marcel just had good vibes and since having Teddy you felt like kids had a great gauge of people. There was something that was so endearing about her relationship with him. She trusted him and was comforted by him, it made you feel incredibly relaxed knowing she’d always have her uncles and your sister. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine.” Trent whispered, kissing your head. You held Teddy and smiled for the annual end of season family photo you so loved. Trent was staring at you though not the cameras. You had gone down onto the pitch for one final lap after the match. It was lovely as always. Sweet and a bit emotional. 

“Always yours.” You cooed, turning to kiss him. Teddy quick to want the same amount of attention you were giving each other. She pulled at your shirt with a cute grunt. “Yes, yes and you are ours, Teddy girl.” You kissed her with an eccentric ‘Mwah!’ her giggle following.

When you finally were driving home, you were tired, Teddy already fast asleep, and Trent absolutely exhausted. Needless to say it was a quiet ride. You looked at Trent as the colored lights lining the motorway leaked into the car. You smiled admiring his beauty. His focus on the road but yours on his jawline strikingly sharp. 

“What are you staring at me for?” He laughed, calling you out, flashing his eyes your way quickly. You giggled sliding your hand over onto his face brushing your thumb over his cheek.

“You’re so pretty. Do you know that?” You cooed admiring his annoying perfect skin, despite his annoyingly minimal effort.

“Yeah, obviously.” He replied with a straight face before he couldn’t hold in the cheeky childish smile he was trying to keep down. His perfect grin made your heart hurt. He was so pretty but you rolled your eyes at his pompousness. “Don’t pull a bird like you looking anything but leng.” He turned his adorable look to you.

“Yeah? How did you even manage to bag me?” You teased with a giggle. His smile staying put hearing the sound but he rolled his eyes at your joke. He tapped at his cheek with his free hand, keeping the other draped over the steering wheel. You raised your eyebrows at his gesture.

“Go on…” He instructed you. You laughed again and pressed a kiss where his fingers had been tapping. “Thank youuu.” He sang.

“Ridiculous.” You reached over again to him and squeezed his thigh. 

“Erm… Ow? I just played 97 minutes. Keep your hands to yourself.” He quipped. You squeezed his thigh again just because. You knew he liked the attention. He loves when you give it to him and he can just annoy you in return. 

“You love my hands on you. So full of it, you know.” You giggled with one more squeeze than attempted to remove your hand but he was quick to place his over top of it to keep it on him. 

“I do. I really love your hands on me.” He cooed in a voice that made you feel like you had a juvenile crush on him. You were flustered by the flirtatious comment. He could feel your arm tense a little so instead of keeping your hand on his thigh, he picked it up and brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“T… do you want to take me on a date this week?” You asked him bluntly, turning the direction of the conversation. You liked him flirting with you right now and you wanted more. You thought it’d be nice to have a night out just you two. Probably a good thing considering what had transpired.

“Yeah? Want me to?” He smiled big again squeezing your hand. You nodded in an adorably naive way.  “Yeah, beautiful, I’ll take you out.” He cooed turning towards you again. His mind beginning to comb through ideas of where he wanted to take you. You leaned over once more unprovoked to give him another kiss on the cheek before you tucked back in your seat shutting your eyes and resting your head onto the window. “Alright, sleepy girls, we’re home.” Trent’s voice waking you up from a daze you didn’t know you had fallen into. You turned to him with a tired pout as if to ask ‘can you please carry me inside?’ He laughed getting out of the car. He came around and opened your door but then he stepped away and opened the back seat. “I’m gonna carry our literal baby but if you want to wait I’ll come back and get you.” He mocked you. You obviously weren’t going to wait outside so you begrudgingly got out of the car yourself. Trent picked up Teddy gently making sure she didn’t wake. He held her tight to him. You shut the door of the car for him and followed them, proceeding to slip your arms around his waist and resting your forehead against his back. He shook his head as he got both his sleepy girls to bed. 

The next day you were getting ready to go to Dianne’s house up in your bedroom's wardrobe. You were doing your best to get back into your routine. Lauren was still there, leaving soon, but you had promised Dianne you’d go see her with Teddy. She heard rumblings about the situation, naturally. Trent had confided in her early on in your relationship when you first let it slip you had struggled with your health to him. He’d never really thought about something like that affecting someone he knew. He had girl friends and girlfriends but he never had a sister he had to share a bathroom with growing up. He didn’t know girls were skipping meals and doing diets or maybe the more extreme things you had been doing that you shared with him. She of course was empathetic to him and did her best to be a sounding board and not intrude but as a mum, as a person who knew you and loved you, she was concerned. So you promised you’d go. 

“Hey… have you seen my Van Clef?” you asked vaguely to Trent. “Like our one?” You clarified more as you were trying to put final touches on your outfit.  He puffed out some air realizing that he was going to have to confront his mistake head on. He hated himself. He had been trying to avoid it but of course you were looking for it, you wore it almost everyday.

“Baby…” he called you, watching nervously. You hummed acknowledging him as you dug through your wardrobe thinking maybe you had misplaced it. “It’s not here.” He told you sheepishly. You gave him a side eye confused but when he didn’t speak you turned your whole body to him. 

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.” At first, maybe you thought this was some sweet ploy of his. He came to you and slipped his hands around your waist. When he dropped his forehead against yours you felt the energy shift in the room. This wasn’t some goofy thing he was serious about something. 

“I had to bring it in to get repaired.” He got his words out so slow you clung to each one in anticipation. Your brow furrowed. He exhaled, dropping his shoulders. He wished he could lie but he knew it'd be wrong to. He was asking you to be honest with him; it would be incredibly hypocritical. “I found it when you were gone and I don’t know I just snapped and then it snapped.” He shut his eyes. You let out a measly ‘oh’ you felt the things he did when it happened. That necklace was your relationship and he had destroyed it. You were definitely in the wrong but it made you feel so sad you were actively trying not to cry or react. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened it just felt like such a punch in the gut finding it. I though that you didn’t want it or you left it, left me… it hurt. I’m sorry. Fuck.” He babbled incredibly quickly. You usually were fine with his accented words but your eyes narrowed trying to focus your spinning mind on what he was saying. His accent would come in thick sometimes and disappear other days. Relaxing with his friends at home, their words could feel like another language. Nervous doing press, he was more conscious of what he was saying, letting it slip away. 

“It’s fine… I guess.” You gave him a soft smile wishing you didn’t say the last bit. “I understand.” You kissed the tip of his nose and pulled yourself out of his hold. The room went ice cold. Trent’s mind was just filled with his inner voice screaming ‘fuck.’ It was hard not to notice the mood change after that. He hated it. “T, I didn’t leave it on purpose…” you told him right before you left, kissing his cheek, holding Teddy and heading to your car. You were so swift; he didn't even have the opportunity to respond.

“Laur... what am I meant to do here? Things aren’t just going to snap back.” Trent sighed, squinting, picking up his hand to shield his eyes to better make out Lauren’s face. They were sitting in your back garden as the English summer sun beat down on them. They stayed at home while you popped to Dianne’s. Despite your upset about your necklace it did make you happy that your best friend and your fiance “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like a kid. I feel like I’m making stupid mistakes.” Trent was thinking about breaking the necklace. You’d probably be just as upset if he had managed to break your engagement ring but in a way this had stung more. The necklace was a decision he made before, a decision he made off of instinct, under your nose, completely infatuated by you. It was such an indication of how he felt about you from the very beginning and it was gone. A part of you was happy you didn’t have any visual of it all.

“You’re not but I know the feeling. If you didn’t pick up I was going to call your mum the other day. I was in a moment of introspection on the flight over and I almost laughed. Your mum? Oh hiya erm… can you help… embarrassing.” Lauren rattled off what felt like a million different thoughts. She shook her head but noticed Trent faint smirk on his face not pulling into a full smile but drifting into a tight line. 

“Maybe we should’ve.” He reflected. Maybe Dianne would’ve been more of a help than him. “Like she’s fine most of the time right? I make her happy? I try so hard and yet some days I can feel it like nothing could ever change it all.” He spoke looking and sounded defeated. 

“It’s not you T… She loves you so much. You make her happy, she’ll be okay, but she is the only one that can change it. You’re there for her and that’s the most important. She needs you and Teddy.” Lauren kept her eyes locked on his, making sure he knew she was being serious. She meant what she was saying. He couldn’t fix things but he was essential. Trent responded only with a soft ‘yeah.’ He thought to himself though that what you really needed was for him to repair your necklace and your relationship.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 21 xx

[peachhcs]

because will surprised sam i think sam should tell will that her parents said she couldn’t go to Sweden but she actually is going with like ruts girlfriend and surprises him

a surprise in sweden

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

samy surprises will in sweden for the world juniors!

1.4k words

warnings: like the smallest tiniest illusion to sex, two kisses, mostly fluff though

this was so cutie to write. woo i'm posting again to make up for my lack of posts. i know kayleigh didn't actually go to world juniors, but let's pretend she did for this haha. pls keep requesting i enjoy writing these :)

au masterlist

“did you hear? did you hear?” will's excitement made samy smile from her end of the phone. the girl giggled while nodding her head even though her boyfriend couldn’t see. 

“i did hear. i’m so excited for you. sweden sounds awesome,” the u.s. team picks for world juniors came out only minutes ago and in two seconds, the blonde eagerly called his girlfriend to tell her the happy news. 

“god, i can’t believe i get to play for my country for what might be the last time. leno, perreault, fort, minnetian, and cut are all coming along to,” will was most definitely rambling, but samy didn’t care. she loved hearing him so excited about something to the point where he couldn’t stop talking about it. 

“you guys are gonna dominate. rut, sean, gav, and nazar got picked too. i'm excited for you guys to play on the same team together,” the brunette chuckled a little. It was almost ironic how her two worlds of hockey were colliding on the same team in a few weeks. 

“oh god, mcgroarty’s gonna pick me apart isn’t he?” will groaned, but samy giggled again.

“he won’t, trust me. i’ll make sure they lay off you and won’t ask embarrassing questions.” 

the umich guys knew all about will and were definitely eager to meet the guy that stole their little sister’s heart. they only had ethan and mark’s words to go off and you could guess the things they said only playfully poked fun at the blonde, so will was determined to prove himself so the other guys could properly get to know him. 

“i’m sorry i won’t be in the states for break. i know how excited we were to finally see each other for more than two days,” will changed the subject, his tone laced with a hint of disappointment. 

samy smiled, “it’s okay. this is a big deal for you and i’m so proud of you. i’ll just watch you from the comfort of my living room.” 

her words had a grin spreading across the boy’s lips along with a small chuckle. “you’re sure you can’t convince your parents to let you come with me?” it was worth a shot to ask even though will knew how much samy loved spending the holidays with her family. he didn’t even wanna ask if she could come along knowing how much the holidays meant to her. 

“i doubt it. i know they trust me, but an entire like three weeks in a different country with my boyfriend..i don’t know if they’d be so keen on that idea,” the girl laughed, a slight blush coating her cheeks. 

a similar pink color spread across will’s face as well, “okay, just thought i’d ask. i’ll miss you. i’ll send your gift in the mail so you’ll hopefully have it.” 

“i’ll see if i can get yours to boston before you leave. i’m still waiting on something in the mail.” 

“i hope you didn’t go overboard. we said not to,” will said despite the smile on his lips. 

“even if i did, it’s the first christmas that we’re together and not getting each other gag gifts,” samy stated. 

“when have i ever gotten you a gag gift? i think my gifts have been very thoughtful no matter what our relationship is,” the boy quickly defended himself. 

“well whatever. i think you’ll really like my gift,” samy chuckled. 

“i think you’ll like mine too,” will eyed the unwrapped gifts sitting on his desk and he couldn’t help but smile thinking about samy opening them in a few weeks. 

the two stayed on the phone for the rest of the night just mindlessly talking and getting to hear one another’s voices. there was one thing will didn’t know though and that was samy texting with kayleigh as they bought plane tickets for sweden—their trip already thoroughly planned out because the two predicted very early on that their boyfriends would make the US team, they just needed the confirmation before they bought their tickets. they couldn’t be more excited to fly out and surprise everyone with the hope that ryan and gabe knew how to keep their mouths shut. 

—

will sat in his hotel room making an attempt to get some of his school work done, but the tv playing as background noise was taking more of his attention than he thought it would. his eyes were glued to the show, computer open because if it was open, then at least it seemed like he was being productive. 

samy followed gabe and ryan to the 5th floor, unbeknownst to will. her and kayleigh landed about an hour ago and the girl was trying to shush the boys before the surprise was ruined. Her and ryan shoved themselves against the wall while gabe knocked on his friend’s room—their surprise plan setting into action. 

will lifted his head when he heard the knock. he walked towards the door, eyes still flicking back to the tv as he pulled the wooden frame open. “what?” the boy asked gabe on the other side. 

“can you come to my room real quick? I think i broke something,” the dark-haired boy muttered. 

will raised his eyebrow, “what do you mean you think you broke something?”

“like, i was trying to open up the cabinet under the tv and the handle like snapped off in my hand.” 

ryan and samy struggled keeping their laughter from slipping out as they stood a few feet away from will’s door. the blonde crinkled his nose, “dude, i’m not getting involved if you broke something. you’re gonna have to pay for that shit.” 

“can you just please come look? i don’t know if it’s actually broken,” gabe tried. 

“how do you not know if something is broken? it’s either broken or not broken,” will argued a bit, not knowing gabe was only trying to get him into the hallway where he’d see samy. 

“please just come look? for like two seconds.” 

a sigh escaped the blonde’s lips along with a shake of his head thinking how stupid his friend was. he shuffled into the hallway ready to head down to gabe’s room when samy suddenly popped out from behind ryan, “surprise!!” 

will jumped back, a small screech falling from his mouth. it took him all of ten seconds to take in his girlfriend standing two feet away from him, ryan with his camera out, and gabe snickering to himself to realize what was happening. when it did finally click samy was swept into the boy’s arms. 

“what are you doing here? i-i thought you weren’t coming?” will could hardly form any coherent thoughts. it felt like he was dreaming or something. 

“i was coming all along. i said i wasn’t because i wanted to surprise you,” samy explained, giggling into the blonde’s shoulder. 

“what about your parents? Your brothers..” 

“they were cool with it. kayleigh and i have been planning this for like weeks,” the brunette pulled back so she could properly see his face. she brushed his little curls away, a blush spreading across his cheeks at her gentleness. 

his eyes slid towards gabe and ryan who nodded. “we knew all along,” gabe snickered. 

"i’m surprised you two could keep a secret as big as this,” will teased them knowing how bad they both were at keeping things from other people. 

“oh shut up. we got your girl here so now you can stop moping around,” ryan rolled his eyes which earned the middle finger from will. 

another giggle escaped samy’s lips as she squeezed her boyfriend’s waist, putting his attention back on her. “It’s good to see you,” she hummed. 

“you too. I’m glad we get to spend a few weeks together,” not caring that ryan and gabe were still watching, the hockey player connected their lips into a sweet kiss. 

“yooo, save that for the room. Iim out of here. don’t be too loud,” gabe mumbled before retreating back into his own room. 

samy and will shared a laugh. ryan quickly escaped as well, promising he’d send the surprise video. that left the couple standing in the hallway together, loving smiles on each of their lips. 

“you’re sure you’re okay with not spending the holidays with your family?” will wondered because he didn’t want to be pulling her away. 

the girl cupped his face, “i’m sure. mom and dad were cool with it and my brothers are hardly home anymore anyways. plus, how could i miss something like this?” 

her words convinced the boy for now. he planted one last kiss on her lips before pulling her inside his hotel room—a very long night ahead of them.

[mynameismckenziemae]

A Little Bit Stronger

Part 3

(previous part here, next part here)

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw x OFC

Summary: You get settled at Bradley’s and open up to Reese a little more.

Warnings: Just like everything else I write/post: this story is for 18+ only. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. It will contain smut, adult themes, situations and language. Please also note this story may be triggering due to the topic of domestic abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) violence-feel free to message me with any questions before reading.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“That’s…not a bad idea,” Reese says when you and Bradley tell her and Jake the plan.

“Not at all,” Jake agrees, “gives you peace of mind until you can get in your apartment.”

You nod in agreement. While staying with Bradley made you a little nervous, it also put you a lot at ease.

“Do you think you’ll come today?” She asks, hopeful.

“I think so,” you answer, “let’s see how this looks when I get some makeup on it.”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“Well what do you think?” You ask as you meet Reese in the hallway, “Does it look okay?”

“Yes, it’s really not noticeable,” she replies honestly, even lowering her sunglasses to make sure before scanning the rest of you. “Damn girl, look at you.”

You flush at her praise yet eat it up all the same. Though you’ve remained active and kept up with pilates, you’ve gained a few pounds since you’re no longer kept under a strict diet. You like that the modest black one-piece under your white button-down and jean cut-offs feels a little less modest with your fuller hips, butt, and breasts.

Will Bradley will like it too?

“Thank you,” you murmur, “I think I’m all set.”

“Sounds like the guys are too,” she responds as she hears them come back in from a round of fetch with Hank.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

You follow Bradley to his house next to drop off your belongings before meeting Reese and Jake at the party.

“After you,” he pushes the door open, “sorry it’s a bit messy, I’ll clean up tomorrow.”

“Messy? What mess?” You laugh as you step inside, the smell of clean laundry with a hint of his woodsy cologne greeting you. There’s a pair of running shoes by the door, and a hoodie tossed over the back of the couch but otherwise tidy. It feels comfortable and homey with the simple but tasteful decor. “You have a beautiful home-Hank, no!”

Hank bounds past you both to make himself at home, claiming a spot on the couch.

“Get down,” you say sternly, fighting a smile at the puppy-dog eyes he’s giving you.

“It doesn’t bother me,” Bradley grins as he approaches Hank who rolls on his back for belly rubs, “a little dog hair never hurt anyone, right?”

He shows you the rest of the main floor before leading you upstairs.

A picture hanging on the wall that catches your eye. “Your parents?”

“Hmm?” He follows your line of sight, “Oh, yeah, that’s them. Goose and Carole.”

“Goose? Is that why your callsign’s Rooster?” You ask.

“Uh…yeah,” his hesitation giving away there’s more to it.

“You look like your dad,” you murmur, glancing at him before looking at the photo again, “but I can see your mom too.”

“Yeah,” he smiles, “God, I miss them. This was their house.”

“They’re gone?”

He nods.

“I’m sorry,” you reply, “I know how hard it is. Both of mine died too.”

“I’m sorry too,” he gives you a sad smile as he opens one of the doors, “here you are. Closet, bed, and the bathroom is through that door. It connects to the other room which is my office slash gym; I’ll sometimes shower in there after a workout but I’ll go downstairs if you’re home.”

Heat rises to your face as the image of his wet naked body crosses your mind.

Where the fuck did that come from?

He doesn’t seem to notice as he continues talking, “…there’s some weights, a treadmill, gym mats on the floor. Feel free to use whatever you want.”

“Thanks,” you will the redness in your face to go away, “and it’s your home, Bradley. Please don’t change your routine because I’m here.”

“I just want you to feel comfortable,” he replies, not looking at you while he picks invisible lint from the bed.

“I do,” you say honestly. He lifts his eyes to yours. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t feel safe.”

“Okay,” he clears his throat, “good. Are you ready to go?”

You take a deep breath. “I am.”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

The sunshine on your skin feels like heaven as you ride shotgun in Bradley’s vintage Bronco. You can’t help sneaking glances at the way his biceps flex in his cut-off tee when he grips the steering wheel. His thick thighs straining the fabric of his swim trunks catch your eye too.

You force yourself to stop looking and grin when you catch sight of Hank in the sideview mirror; ears flapping in the wind.

Bradley assured you he was welcome too.

A younger boy comes running around from the back of the house as you arrive.

“Little Kernsie! You grew again?!” Bradley asks, opening his arms.

“Roo!” He yells, grinning from ear to ear as he slams into him, squeezing him tightly. His eyes light up when he sees Hank. “You got a dog!?”

“I wish,” Bradley laughs as he opens the tailgate and helps Hank down, “he belongs to my friend here, Shae.”

“Hi,” you smile, “you must be Drew.”

He nods, his cheeks turning pink before he looks behind you. “Mom! Jake!”

“You guys left the same time we did. How did you get here after…,” Bradley trails off when he sees their flushed faces and Jake’s finger-mussed hair. “Gross.”

Jake smirks and Reese flips him off over Drew’s head as he hugs her.

“I see you’ve met my friend, Shae,” Reese smiles.

“And her dog,” he says, looking up at you, “What’s his name? Can I pet him?”

“Hank, and of course you can,” you reply.

His laughter fills the air from the kisses he receives.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Your heart begins to pound nervously as you follow them behind the house, but it’s all in vain; you’re greeted with open arms and kind smiles.

Introductions are made and you start to feel more at ease with the help of a few drinks and good company.

After lunch, you and Reese settle in the sand near the water.

“Can you get my back?” Jake asks Reese, holding the sunscreen.

“Sure,” she replies, “Drew, you’ll need some too.”

“But I put some on earlier,” he argues, sighing when Reese gives him a look, “fine.”

You shake your sunscreen before squeezing the bottle just as Bradley takes off his shirt to reveal more tan, sculpted muscles; you want nothing more than to follow the thin line of hair from his navel down with your tongue…

Nearly half the bottle of sunscreen is in your palm when you snap out of your daydream.

“Can you get mine too?” Bradley asks Reese, thankfully not noticing the excess in your hands after coating your legs.

“Yeah, let me get Drew first,” Reese replies, smacking Jake on the butt sharply when she’s done with his back and moving on to Drew.

“I can,” you blurt out but recover quickly, nodding to your coated hands, “if you want. I’ve got way too much here.”

“Sure,” he replies smoothly but a flush works its way up as he turns to sit in front of you.

He jolts when you touch him.

“Sorry,” you murmur, watching as goosebumps erupt.

“It’s okay,” he smiles, “just cold.”

Long-dormant arousal flickers to life between your thighs at the feel of all that muscle under the sun-warmed skin beneath your hands. So strong yet he’s been so gentle with you.

Wonder if he’s gentle in bed…

“Can Hank play too?” Drew’s question makes you jump.

“Sure, but he might take off with the ball if he gets it,” you reply.

“That’s okay, thanks,” he smiles. “Let’s go!” He says, taking off with Jake and Hank.

“All set,” you tell Bradley, wiping your hands on the towel before starting to unbutton your cover-up.

“Thanks,” he replies as he stands. He looks down at you and does a double-take at what you’re doing.

“C’mon Roo, we’re waiting!” Drew hollers.

“Right, yeah, thanks again,” he stammers before running over.

Reese bursts out laughing when he’s out of earshot.

“What?” You smile, her laughter contagious.

“I’ve known Roo a long time,” she answers, “he’s a ladies’ man; always so smooth and confident. I’ve never seen him like that…all awkward and lost for words.”

You wait for her to explain; not at all picking up what she’s putting down.

“He likes you,” she continues when she turns and sees your furrowed brow.

You feel like you’re in middle school again the way the butterflies take flight in your belly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you-“ she starts to backtrack at your silence.

“No,” you give her a small smile, “it’s okay, Reese. It feels…good, actually. Really good,” you sigh as you look at the waves crashing, “I’m not ready for a relationship, obviously, since I’m still technically married, but it’s nice to feel attractive and wanted again. To be more than just a body to impregnate.”

She doesn’t say anything, just puts her hand over yours.

“Chad decided we should start trying for a baby after my parents passed away. My mom had Alzheimer’s. While her death wasn’t unexpected, it was hard,” you say, voice growing thick, “but my dad dying 2 months later from takotsubo cardiomyopathy was devastating.”

“Broken heart syndrome,” Reese murmurs and you nod.

“My parents were crazy about each other,” you smile, “they had that kind of love everyone hopes for. My dad hadn’t been gone a week before Chad brought up getting pregnant. I told him I wasn’t ready and that was the first time he hit me.”

“Why on earth would he bring it up right after losing both your parents?”

“He was getting pressure from his dad,” you sigh. “Not long after, he made me stop working, he thought the stress from my job was keeping me from getting pregnant. I wasn’t getting pregnant because I never stopped my birth control; I hid it.”

“Good,” she says.

“Over the next 2 years, he isolated me from everything while he was out drinking, snorting lines, and sleeping with random women. Then would come home and sleep with me, half the time he was too high or drunk to get it up-but that was my fault too,” you snort mirthlessly.

“When he found the hidden birth control a few months ago he…” you close your eyes at the memory, the way he left you bleeding and broken on the floor, “it wasn’t good. That’s when I made the plan to leave.”

“I’m glad you did,” she murmurs.

“Me too,” you reply, “I just want him to leave me alone so I can start living again.”

“You deserve it,” she replies, “I am sorry though, I shouldn’t have said that about Bradley. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around him.”

“I don’t,” you shake your head. “Well not uncomfortable, but I do get a little nervous around him.”

Her eyes whip to yours. “What? Why?”

“He’s like ridiculously hot,” you laugh, “have you seen him?”

“He is,” she agrees. “He won’t pursue you though, not after everything you’ve been through.”

You nod, feeling the oddest mixture of relief and disappointment.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

The rest of the afternoon passes quickly. By the time the fireworks are wrapping up, your blinks are getting slower from a full day of sunshine and fresh air.

“Tired?” Bradley chuckles when he notices.

“A little,” you admit over the loud popping of the finale in the sky.

“I’m ready to go if you are,” he leans in so you can hear him. His warm breath sends a shiver up your spine.

“Sure,” you close your eyes, wishing you could lean into his warmth.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

A/N: Ughhhh I just want them to kissssssssssssss. I’m starting to hate the slow burn lol.

As always, any interaction is appreciated but I LOVE hearing what you think in the comments/reblogs! Seriously, feedback helps me more than anything.

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[witchwyfe]

never be mine - jhs

I pairing: college jake ‘hangman’ seresin x female reader

I précis: you and jake have a little argument

I content/warnings: college au, roommates to lovers (that haven’t gotten past the roommates stage yet), mentions of food, mentions of eating, language, arguing, crying, slight angst, fluff

I word count: 1,156

I a/n: the roommate predicament my beloved<3

It’s your second date with the same guy—or it was. You’d gone out for a casual dinner and then went to Natasha’s apartment where you ended up in tears. 

“What happened?” She demanded. “I’ll kick his ass, oh my god.”

“No, no!” You exclaim through your tears. “He’s fine. He’s fine.” You shake your head. “I don’t even know why I went out with him though. He’s nice but I think we’re better as friends.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

And even though she doesn’t show it, Natasha knows exactly what you’re going to say. She could be upset, as your best friend, that you never told her about your feelings for Jake, but she knows that its hard and that you’ve also been trying to lie to yourself about said feelings.

“Jake.” You whisper. “He’s not Jake.”

“Oh, honey.” She simpers, pulling you into her arms. “I know.”

“You know?” 

She nods, patting your back. “Just like I know that he feels the same way.”

You scoff, a thick watery sound. 

“I’m serious. It’s obvious.”

Hours later, you’re coming back to your apartment. You’d considered staying at Natasha’s but would rather go home to your own place. Jake’s sitting on the couch when you walk in, sporting a frown that you’re not used to seeing. 

“Where were you?” He asks, southern accent sneaking into his words a little more than usual. It seems to do that when there’s more emotion in his words, but you don’t even stop to think about that right now. 

You’re in a foul mood already, a combination of crying, and trying to find a reason to tell this other guy that you won’t be seeing him again. Jake’s irritated expression just adds to it already and you find yourself rolling your eyes.

“Don’t see why it’s any of your business.” You scoff, sliding your shoes off and leaving them in the foyer just to piss him off. You know you aren’t being fair, but neither is he. 

“I just think it’s considerate to let your roommate know when you’ll be back.” He laughs humorlessly. “Forgive me for caring about your safety.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you where I was. Didn’t know I had to, Dad.”

“Oh my god is it that hard to believe that someone cares about you?” He growls. “You don’t have to act like such a brat.”

“I’m not being a brat; you’re being a dick.” You spit. “I don’t have to tell you when I’ll be back. I don’t owe you anything.”

“I—,” He cuts himself off to sigh. “I know that.”  He adds in a much softer tone. “I just hadn’t seen you all day and I missed you.”

Your heartbeat picks up by a tenfold. “Well, you’re not my boyfriend Jake. Sometimes people don’t see each other all day, deal with it.”

“I know that. I just—” 

“And I don’t care if you missed me. That gives you no right to be rude to me.”

“I know! Jeez darlin’, I’m trying to apologize. His southern twang slips through a little more, once again. “I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, and it wasn’t fair of me. 

“You’re right it wasn’t fair.” You retort. “And don’t call me that.” You scoff, and with a sharp turn of your heel, you head for your bedroom, before he can see the fresh tears leaking down your face.

Jake watches you walk to your room, firmly shutting your door behind you. He sighs heavily, running a hand over his face. He feels like an asshole. He knows he has no right to question you about your whereabouts. Yes, the two of you consider each other a close friend, but you didn’t deserve his frustration. He hates to admit it to himself, but the thought of you on another date, especially one that evidently went so late, had him fuming, and an envy induced pit in his stomach. 

He hates seeing you upset, and you didn’t look happy when you walked in—before he spoke to you—so maybe your date didn’t go well. He selfishly hopes that it didn’t, but also the thought makes him sad for you. Roommates fight. Friends fight. Both of those are true, but that’s not what’s going on. Jake doesn’t give a shit how late you come back to the apartment. He does want you to be safe but the real thing that bothered him was that you were out on a date.

Both of you sleep terribly all night, but neither of you seeks out the other like you normally would. 

You have a minute. One beautiful, peaceful moment before everything from the night before comes crashing back into your memory. You dig the heels of your hands into your eyes and groan loudly. 

You blindly reach for your phone, bringing it to your face with a wince. It’s barely eight am and you hadn’t slept well—tossing and turning all night. 

A click of the power button on your phone tells you that you have two new messages—neither from Jake. 

One is from Natasha checking in, and the other from Brent, just affirming what you talked about last night—that you’re definitely better off as friends. 

You leave both not responded to for now and push yourself out of bed. A quiet travel into the kitchen informs you that your roommate is out, his keys missing from the hook by the door. 

You padder over to the coffee machine, and start brewing a pot, before pulling out a glass and a mug. Despite having forced him to try it with ice many, many times, Jake still prefers it hot and in a mug. 

You’re just swirling milk into his coffee when the front door swings open, Jake balancing a pink bakery box as well as his keys and phone.

“Hey.” You say quietly, busying yourself with pulling out a straw for your drink.

“Hi.”

After an awkward moment passes, you both speak at once.

“I don’t like when we fight.”

“I didn’t mean what I said.”

You smile despite yourself. “You go first.”

“I don’t like when we fight either.” He responds to your statement first, looking you in the eye. “And I know I was being unfair last night. I didn’t mean to upset you. I guess I’m just so used to us spending time together that it felt weird to not see you all day. I’m sorry for how I behaved.”

“Thank you.” You say genuinely. “I was overacting too. I was in a bad mood, and I should’ve just asked for space rather than getting short with you. Thank you for caring about me.”

“Of course.” He whispers.

“Are we okay now?” You wonder timidly. 

“Course we are darlin’.” He grins. “You want a donut?”

You nod. “Can I have a hug too.”

“Yeah, you can.”

© witchwyfe 2023. absolutely no reposting, translating, or modifying, even with credit.

[slafkovskys]

girl ik requests aren’t open but soft soft soft captain quinn is RUNNING my mind dk

“i want to talk to you about something,” is the first thing that he says when you walk through the door. he’s got the look on his face that he only wears when he’s nervous and his hands are shoved in his pockets. you don’t miss the bottle of wine on the counter or the smell of your favorite meal wafting through the air as you shakily hang your bag on its designated hook, “it’s important.”

“are you breaking up with me?” the words leave your lips so quickly that you can’t process them.

hell, you and quinn had barely settled into the quaint vancouver suburb and here he was about to call everything off just weeks after you got the keys to your house. not the apartment you had been visiting him at for short stretches over the last few years, no. something that was yours. something that you already had paint swatches for, ideas for, dreams for. boxes still lined rooms and you were just learning how to perfectly park your car in the garage beside his and-

“oh my god, no!” he moves quickly across the room, meeting you on the threshold of the door. “it’s good news! if you’re up for it at least…”

“quintin jerome if you don’t tell me what’s going on i think i might break up with you,” you glare and he sends a stupid little smile as he grabs a poorly wrapped present that you hadn’t even noticed off the counter. “what-”

“this will explain it.”

“you seriously get on my-” you tear through the paper like an excited kid, freezing when you see what lies beneath. now, you had a lot of quinn’s jerseys. a couple of michigan ones, a usa one, and obviously a vancouver one but none were like this. your finger traces the letter on the shoulder delicately as though it would disappear, “shut the fuck up.”

“it’s mine if i want it,” he rocks beside you slowly, taking in your reaction, your emotions. “they stitched this on today. i wanted to talk to you about it first-”

“i’ll call them myself and tell them yes,” you leap forward and throw your arms around his neck, “quinn, oh my god.”

“it’s a really good opportunity,” he breathes just before you press your lips to his, “a big honor.”

“you don’t have to pitch it to me or sell it, honey,” you shake your head, “this- i’m so fucking proud of you. you deserve this and more. gosh, i-”

your eyes drift over to the jersey before you take it out of the box and shove it in his arms, “put it on. i want to see what you look like with the c.”

“i got this one in your size babe. it won’t fit,” he chuckles as he holds it up to his body instead and you smooth your arms over the fabric, trying to take it all in, “wanted you to have the first print.”

“you smooth little-” you click your tongue before kissing him again, “quinn hughes, captain of the vancouver canucks.”

“has a nice ring to it, eh?”

[taylorswiftandx]

Taylor Swift and Opposites

Note: huge thank you to @meandmypagancrew for assembling all the lyrics for this post! At the same time, they also created an amazing, giant set of lyrics I'm tentatively calling TS and Juxtapositions, which is a looser interpretation of this "opposites" prompt, and which tumblr is currently not letting me actually post on the blog due to its length. Hopefully I can find a workaround soon.

'Taylor Swift'

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: I’m only up when you’re not down

'Fearless (Taylor's Version)'

Love Story: You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess

You Belong With Me: She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

You Belong With Me: I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re about to cry

Forever & Always: It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone

Forever & Always: So here’s to everything coming down to nothing

SuperStar: This is wrong but I can’t help but feel like there ain’t nothing more right, babe

You All Over Me: Held out, and held on God knows too long

That’s When: When it’s sunny or storming

That’s When: Laughing, when I’m crying

That’s When: It was sunny or storming

'Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)'

Mine: You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

Mine: I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter

Sparks Fly: It’s just wrong enough to make it feel right

Dear John: Or maybe it’s you and your sick need to give love then take it away

When Emma Falls In Love: She waits and takes her time ‘cause little Miss Sunshine always thinks it’s gonna rain

'Red (Taylor's Version)'

All Too Well: You taught me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me

22: It’s miserable and magical

I Almost Do: I hope you know that every time I don’t, I almost do

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: I say “I hate you,” we break up, you call me, “I love you.”

Begin Again: He didn’t like it when I wore high heels but I do

Begin Again: He always said he didn’t get this song but I do, I do

Begin Again: You don’t know how nice that is, but I do

Forever Winter: He spends most of his flights getting pulled down by gravity

Forever Winter: I’ll be summer sun for your forever, forever winter if you go

'1989 (Taylor’s Version)'

Blank Space: I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

Blank Space: You’re the King, baby, I’m your Queen

Blank Space: Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Out Of The Woods: The rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color

Out Of The Woods: We were built to fall apart then fall back together

I Wish You Would: We’re a crooked love in a straight line down

I Wish You Would: You gave me everything and nothing

Bad Blood: Did you have to ruin what was shiny? Now it’s all rusted

How You Get The Girl: And then you say, “I want you for worse or for better”

This Love: This love is good, this love is bad

This Love: This love is alive, back from the dead

Wonderland: Whispers turned to talking and talking turned to screams

“Slut!”: In a world of boys, he’s a gentleman

Say Don’t Go: Now your silence has me screaming, screaming

'reputation'

…Ready For It?: Some, some boys are trying too hard, he don’t try at all though

I Did Something Bad: They say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good?

I Did Something Bad: You gotta leave before you get left

Gorgeous: You make me so happy it turns back to sad

Getaway Car: The ties were black, the lies were white in shades of grey and candlelight

Dress: Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

Dress: Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

'Lover'

I Forgot That You Existed: It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference

Cruel Summer: Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

The Man: And it’s all good if you’re bad

The Archer: I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

The Archer: Easy they come, easy they go

The Archer: Who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?

You Need To Calm Down: Sunshine on the street at the parade, but you would rather be in the dark ages

Daylight: I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked

Daylight: I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate

'folklore'

the 1: Been saying “yes” instead of “no”

cardigan: A friend to all is a friend to none

cardigan: Chase two girls, lose the one

this is me trying: I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting

illicit affairs: It’s born from just one single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times

illicit affairs: They show their truth one single time but they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times

invisible string: Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

epiphany: Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out, out

epiphany: Someone’s daughter, someone’s mother

betty: I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you

betty: Those days turned into nights

peace: I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me

'evermore'

willow: The more that you say, the less I know

'tis the damn season: I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay

tolerate it: I notice everything you do or don’t do

tolerate it: I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it

tolerate it: Gain the weight of you then lose it

ivy: I’d live and die for moments that we stole

marjorie: What died didn’t stay dead, you’re alive, you’re alive in my head

marjorie: What died didn’t stay dead, you’re alive, so alive

closure: I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life, staying friends would iron it out so nice

right where you left me: Friends break up, friends get married

right where you left me: Strangers get born, strangers get buried

'Midnights'

Anti-Hero: Midnights become my afternoons

Midnight Rain: He was sunshine, I was midnight rain

Question…?: Good girl, sad boy

Vigilante Shit: I don’t dress for women, I don’t dress for men

Vigilante Shit: I don’t start shit but I can tell you how it ends

Vigilante Shit: She don’t start shit but she can tell you how it ends

Bejeweled: Don’t put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart

Labyrinth: Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out

Labyrinth: Break up, break free, break through, break down

‘The Tortured Poets Department’

But Daddy I Love Him: Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?: If you wanted me dead, you should’ve just said, nothing makes me feel more alive

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can): I can fix him, no really, I can, woah, maybe I can’t

loml: Still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried

loml: You low-down boy, you stand-up guy

loml: When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes, well, you took me to hell too

loml: What we thought was for all time was momentary

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

Clara Bow: It’s hell on earth to be heavenly

imgonnagetyouback: Told my friends I hate you, but I love you just the same

The Albatross: The devil that you know looks now more like an angel

The Prophecy: I guess a lesser woman would’ve lost hope, a greater woman wouldn’t beg

Cassandra: When it’s “burn the bitch,” they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out, it’s quiet

The Manuscript: Looking backwards might be the only way to move forward

Other Songs written by Taylor

Beautiful Ghosts: Born into nothing, at least you have something

Beautiful Ghosts: Born into nothing, with them I have something, something to cling to

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever: Give me something, oh, but you say nothing

I Heart ?: I’ll be fine if you just walk by but you had to talk about why you were wrong and I was right

I Heart ?: And now you ask about you and I, there’s no you and I

Only The Young: The game was rigged, the ref got tricked, the wrong ones think they’re right

Only The Young: They think that it’s over but it’s just begun

Renegade: There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway

You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can say goodbye and you can say hello

You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can laugh and cry

Official Alternate Releases

Vigilante Shit (Clean Version): I don’t start it but I can tell you how it ends

Vigilante Shit (Clean Version): She don’t start it but she can tell you how it ends

Cassandra (Clean Version): When its “burn the witch,” they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out it’s quiet

[k-marzolf]

Dandelion Fluff.

Warnings; established relationship, biblical and Greek references, fluff/angst, dark themes (kinda), alcohol consumption, kissing, codependency, fem!reader.

Tagging; @e-dubbc11 @firexfate @aoi-targaryen

514 words.

Sometimes his aching for you threatens to tear him apart at the seams.

“I love you like David loved Jonathan in the Bible.” You tell him, fingers twirling s flower in your hands as you both sit in the dewy grass.

“Yeah?” He asks, fingers content to sit on your thigh.

“As my own soul.” You say, putting the flower behind his ear, mouth brushing his hairline.

Billy hates how he feels his cheeks turn warm and pink, but he plays it off, by flipping you onto your back, and kissing you firmly on the mouth.

The flower falls from behind his ear, and drifts away in the wind.

Often, Billy feels like the flower, dandelion fluff in the wind when he is with you, light and carefree. He wants to climb into your heart and live there.

He loves you with a violence that startles him. There’s no one he wouldn’t kill for you. He’d take you out of the underworld like Orpheus attempted with Eurydice.

But he’d fight and claw his way out with you, and when you’d come out on the other side, he’d kiss you covered in the blood of his enemies.

His fingers knead your thighs in the bath, watching you drink from his glass of bourbon, and laughing when you make a face. “Want some wine, little bird?” He asks, before climbing out and fetching you some.

“Do you think we can be together in the next life?” You ask, sipping from the wine.

Billy’s eyes watch you, “I’ll fight through every enemy just to find you, to take you and make you mine, in every life.”

You smile sweetly, “I would for you, too. Mama would say we’re codependent.”

Billy huffs a laugh, “Who the hell cares? We’re happy aren’t we?”

You kiss his chin, “Very. I’d kill for you, though. Anyone who tried taking you from me.”

It’s the first time Billy sees a dark edge from you. And he likes it.

“I think you’re like Achilles. Strong. The greatest warrior.” You say over the phone one evening when he was overseas for Anvil.

Billy hums, “And who’s Frankie?”

“Patroclus.” You say, stretching your legs out, sipping your tea and watching something on television.

You can practically hear Billy smile over the phone. “You’re sweet, little bird.”

“I miss you,” you say. “Even your disgusting bourbon. It tastes like your kisses.”

The words are on the tip of his tongue. I love you.

You’ve fallen asleep on the recliner, a book held loosely in your hands.

A cigarette hangs out of Billy’s mouth as he takes your book, looking at it. The Bible, he realizes flipping through it seeing the verses you’d highlighted.

He has never believed, if God is real, he has forsaken him, Billy thinks.

He stumbles across a verse. “I loved you at your darkest,” with a note in the margins. “I love Billy like this.”

He sets the Bible down, covering you with a blanket, before sitting on the couch, smoking his cigarette quietly, exhaling.

He loves you at your darkest, too.

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Red Lips, Green Eyes, You're Mine

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

Description: You've been dating a Naval Aviator for a few months when a company shindig finally gives you the opportunity to show him off. It doesn't surprise you at all when a night out turns into a far steamier night in your sheets. What else is a girl to do with a bratty boyfriend?

Warnings: Slight BDSM elements, Dom/Sub agreement, Shibari, This is just PwP, Porn

Word Count: 4346

A/N: This is what happens when an author is on discord and thots are being had. I have no excuses. This is completely self indulgent.

AO3: Cross-posted Here!

My Masterlist

You’ve been dating a Navy man for a little over three months. He’s sweet, and you have a lot of fun with him. Jake is a blind date turned into a happy relationship, and you adore being with him. You talk about him so much that your co-workers constantly ask to meet him. But you’ve never had the chance to have him drop by and take you out for lunch or any of the other things you’ve seen your co-workers' significant others do. It’s not like you do anything interesting, after all. 

You work for a firm that acquires rare art pieces for your clients and often have to travel to their galleries worldwide, and Jake’s been very busy. Though you live in San Diego, your office is on the opposite end of the city from North Island Naval Base. He’s been exhausted as his official duties have him on base later and later into the day. You’d barely see him if you didn’t let yourself into his apartment off base and wait up for him. Those late nights curled up on his sofa are the most time you’ve spent with him in a long time. Early on in your relationship, too, you had to share him with the Navy and been apart for a month while he was on a ship in the middle of some classified ocean. 

You finally get your chance to show Jake off when your company hosts its annual charity gala. It’s the biggest fundraising event of the year, and you’re so excited to share a slice of your world with Jake. Jake’s excited, too, especially since the gala will happen when he’s finally gotten a couple of weeks of leave. It’s been nice having him in your apartment, especially when you wake up in the morning to him in your bed. He’s also sporting a beard right now, the sting of which you still feel on your thighs as you get ready for the gala. You’re standing in just your lingerie and heels as you pull your dress out of the garment bag when Jake wraps his arms around your bare waist.

“You sure you have to wear that, beautiful?” His hands trail down the front of your thighs before rising to cup your lace covered breasts.

“Yup. I have to go. I have clients from Singapore flying in, Jake! I can’t miss it!” His answering grumble makes you giggle, especially when he zips your dress up for you. When you turn around, you can’t hide how wide your own eyes get. Jake looks delectable in the black tuxedo. It accentuates the curve of his slim waist and the bulk of his muscles.

“God, baby doll.” His voice is hushed as you tie his bow tie for him. “You look so beautiful in your dress. It’ll look even better when it’s on the floor later.”

Your voice is a sensual purr as you peck his smiling mouth and murmur in his ear, “Mmmm. Jake, that tuxedo will look just as good joining it on the floor. But, you have to be good, baby. No hanky-panky on the dance floor or overly possessive touches or flagrant PDA. This is still a work event for me. And if you’re a good boy, I promise you’ll like your reward.”

“And if I’m bad?” You can’t blame your rebellious boy for going there.

“Then I’ll make sure it’s a punishment worth remembering. Alright?” His eyes have been tracking your cherry red lips as you speak, his green eyes widening as arousal makes his pupils dilate. 

“Yes, ma’am.” You kiss his jaw, careful to avoid lipstick prints on his skin, and collect your clutch. Jake follows along behind you, docile as a lamb, the allure of your reward and your punishment both equally tantalizing. He’s gotten control of himself by the time you get into the car the company has hired and is back to his charming self by the time you reach the venue in the middle of the Mojave Desert. As expected of your firm’s high profile clients, the venue is sparkling with wealth. All the women are dressed to the nines, dripping in diamonds.

It's a whirlwind of schmoozing. You've got your best client smile on as you and Jake work your way through your clients, chatting and laughing. Everyone you speak to is impressed by your Naval Aviator boyfriend, and Jake doesn't hide how proud he is of you, either. During dinner, his left hand is a steady presence on your upper thigh, caressing the bare skin just high enough to drive you wild. 

When the party moves to the auction hall, he stands close enough to you that the bulge in his pants brushes against your ass every time you move. Your gown may be voluminous, but you can still feel every inch of how much he wants you. You ignore Jake, hoping the embarrassing boner will fade soon. Unluckily for you, it does not.

It gets so bad that, after the auction, you drag Jake out onto the dance floor, using the scant inches between you both to growl, "I can't believe you're hard right now. I told you to be good, baby. This isn't good. Get yourself under control. Only good boys get rewarded."

After the song ends, you both clap for the orchestra before Jake excuses himself to the bathrooms to take care of his problem. It takes about fifteen minutes for him to come back to you. There are minute droplets of water on his temples, and his face is cool and damp when he presses a kiss on your cheek. You allow the gentle press of lips against your cheek, smiling as you continue your conversation while ignoring how he clasps your hand in his. He squeezes your fingers, a press you return because you know that your baby's already fearing his punishment. In truth, you're not mad, really, just irritated. It takes way too much mental energy to keep socializing with clients. Forget having to deal with a horny man while doing so. 

This isn’t even the first time you’ve had to take Jake firmly in hand. There’s a type when one thinks of a Naval Aviator: cocky, confident, arrogant, and in control. You’d found out early in your relationship that sometimes Jake liked to give up a bit of that control. So you’d done a ton of research into Dom/Sub dynamics, and the two of you were working on helping Jake relinquish control in a more formal context. Tonight, you can tell already by how bratty he’s being that he’d like nothing more than to be your baby.

Your suspicion is confirmed in the way he sticks close to you for the rest of the night with his big hand curled loosely in your own and how his smiles are a little more forced. Sadly for your aching baby boy, you can't pay him any attention until you're seated in the back of the car you'd hired for the evening. You give the chauffeur your address and press the button to pull up the divider. The first year you'd gone to the charity gala, you'd been completely blown away by the VIP treatment. But each year you've grown more and more comfortable. 

This year, with Jake on your arm, you feel positively wicked. So much so that you crack open the complimentary bottle of Moët and pour out a glass, just one. Your voice is a sensual purr as you sip from the glass before murmuring, "Baby, you had an incident during the auction, didn't you?"

You can see how Jake's eyes contract at your words, his pupils eclipsing the green in his eyes until only a sliver is left as he tracks your tongue as you lick a stray bubble from your lips.

"Tch. Baby boys respond when they're asked a question." You unravel the bowtie, before grabbing it and using the strip of fabric to guide Jake onto his knees on the carpeted floor in front of you. "You had an incident during the auction, didn't you?"

You can see Jake's Adam's apple rise with each swallow as you tug a bit more on the tie. 

"Y-yes, ma'am." His voice is strangled and hoarse already. You let the tie go, letting one manicured, red fingernail drag down his throat, tapping lightly on his Adam's Apple as you look appraisingly at him and sip on a bit more champagne. 

"And, what, Baby Boy, do you think I should pick as your punishment?" Jake's eyes are blown completely wide now, and you can see him start to drop already. It's a trick question and a game you've played before, so you're glad that he doesn't answer. "How about we try something, hmm? You're going to stay right there on your knees and eat me out. Your goal is to make me cum before we get home without cumming yourself. I don't cum, you get punished. You cum, you get punished. Are we clear, baby?"

“Yes, ma’am!” 

Jake's voice is strung out and there's already a faraway look in his eyes as you part the skirt of your gown and let your baby go to town between your legs. The first press of his mouth to your cunt is sloppy as he clumsily, eagerly, laps at you over the fabric of your lacy thong. He’s so ready to make you feel good that you have to pull the fabric away from your heat after a few minutes. Eventually, though, he gets into a filthy rhythm that has your toes nearly curling in your heels. It's obvious that Jake's feeling the heady rush of this encounter as much as you do, because you can see how his hips jerk against the leather seat as he brings you to the brink of your orgasm. Every once in a while he stops to see how you're doing and you have to fight everything to claw yourself back from the edge of your orgasm and look bored as you sip on the bubbly champagne.

As the drive back into San Diego winds down, Jake grows ever more desperate, crooking his fingers up into the spongy spot in you that makes you see stars and sucking on your clit until your juices drip down his chin. You give into your orgasm when the car carcareens over a particularly deep pothole, your thighs clenching tight around Jake's head as he continues to finger-fuck you through each pulsing wave of your orgasm. He finally pulls away and settles your skirts back down right as the car pulls up in front of your building. 

You have no illusions that the driver hasn't seen much worse, so you tip the man and walk into your building in the late night air with all the dignity you can muster. Jake's walking carefully behind you, draping his jacket over your shoulders as you walk into the elevator. This late, there isn't another person there so you feel no shame in trailing your fingers over the crotch of Jake's trousers. He's still hard, yes, but there is a tell-tale wet spot on his pants. Your baby came without your permission.

You sneak a look at his face and you can see shame in the blush rising up his cheeks. You pull your hand away from him as the elevator opens on your floor and stride out without a word. There's a creeping tension settling over the pair of you as you unlock the door and step in, Jake following silently behind you. He's well into a submissive mindset already, his broad shoulders rounded and his eyes still blown wide as he stands in the center of your living room and waits.

"Baby, c'mere. Can you get the zipper on my dress, please?" Jake's so far down he just nods, hot hands sliding the zipper down until your dress is pooled around your feet. Keeping your heels on, you step out of the puddled fabric and lay it in your bedroom. When you come back out, your Baby Boy is on his knees in front of your sofa.

You settle into the plush white leather, watching how Jake's eyes track your every move as you part your legs. Thanks to his ministrations, you know your thong is transparent with your release and his saliva. The heat rising to his cheeks has you dipping forward, kissing his lips, licking into his slack mouth until you can taste the whiskey he’s been sipping on all night and your release still mingling on his tongue. He's breathing heavily when you pull away. Your fingers are gentle as you pull open the fly of his trousers. His boxers are wet and sticky, cum staining the fabric as you free his still-hard length.

"Oh, baby." Your voice is disappointed as you pull your fingers away glancing at the sticky spend on your fingertips. “What do we have here? Did you not hear my two rules when we were in the car?” You wait, watching Jake’s expressions as he tries to figure out what to say.

“You told me that I couldn’t cum. And that if you don’t cum, I get punished. Additionally, if I cum, I get punished.” 

You quirk an eyebrow waiting to see whether your baby will actually finish by calling you ma’am as he’s agreed to when he’d dropped into his submissive mindset. When he doesn’t, you up the ante. It’s obvious your baby is feeling bratty and needy right now. You tap on his plush bottom lip, pressing the fingers you’d coated in his release into his mouth, letting him suckle on them for just a minute before pulling away. Your hands are gentle as you free him from his shirt. Jake’s chest is heaving as you do so, his hands trying to divest you of your lingerie with each button that slips free. You push them away each time until Jake’s in just his sticky damp boxers, the thin wet fabric rucked below his balls and his cock free to the cool air in your apartment. 

“Baby…” Your voice is all growling sensuality as you beckon your baby forward. He shuffles forward until he can place his chin in the palm of one of your hands. You card the other through the honeyed strands, relishing in the soft moans spilling from his lips as you scratch lightly at his scalp. “What’s going on, hmm? My good boy doesn’t cum so fast without permission. D’you need ma’am to take care of you tonight? I know it’s been a bit since you dropped fully.”

“Yes, ma’am. Please.” Jake’s voice is all Texan drawl tonight, and you love it. Jake’s usually a man of perfect pronunciation and elocution. His Texan heritage and upbringing only come through when he’s aroused or in his submissive mindset. Hearing his voice like this is your first indication that he welcomes what is coming to him with open arms. 

“Get undressed fully, baby, and lie on the bed. How do you feel about ropes tonight?” You catalog the bead of sweat dripping down his temple as he swallows, his eyes nearly black with arousal. At his eager nod, you kiss him, tugging him in until you’re so close that you can wrap your arms around him if you choose to do so. When you release him, his mouth is stained red from your lipstick. Seeing the gold of his skin marred by the crimson paint gives you a fantastic idea. 

Jake staggers his way into the bedroom, lying on the bed as you’d told him to. He’s not fully on his back yet, staying braced on his elbows as his eyes track you as you grab three things from your closet: soft burgundy colored nylon ropes, a tube of lipstick and  a cock ring. When you join Jake on the bed, you start his punishment with the cock ring. You dribble some lube down his length, slicking him up with the flat of your hand before working the ring down until it’s snug at the base. 

Jake’s already blushing, his skin warming at the onslaught of sensations as you proceed to work the rope into knots criss crossing over his golden skin. You keep the ropes snug, tight enough that Jake will feel the pressure over his skin, but not tight enough to hurt. His arms and legs are tied to the headboard. You take breaks frequently, peppering kisses across his lips, cheeks, chest and abs until he’s finally as pretty as a picture. The ropes frame his muscles and the dribble of precum collecting near his belly button from his erect cock shines pearlescent in the low light.

You can’t help you coo as the ropes press lightly against his length, providing just enough friction that his hips jerk upwards in the search of additional friction that never comes. This is when you uncap the tube of lipstick. Standing at the vanity, you purse your lips, gliding the crimson substance over your lips to perfection. You blot once, then reapply, blotting one final time before turning back to Jake. 

“Are you ready for me baby?” You straddle his waist, hovering over his aching cock before starting his punishment with one crimson print over his heart. Each kiss has Jake’s breath hitching. You dot his torso in crimson kisses, pausing only when the final print is barely visible. This time when you get up, Jake whimpers. You snap a few pictures on your phone before walking back to your vanity.

“Aww, baby.” Your voice is gentle, but with a mischievous tilt, as you reapply your lipstick. But before you blot and reapply, you hit the button on the remote you’d brought with you from the closet. In addition to the buzz of the cock ring as it begins to vibrate, you’re treated to Jake’s body bowing as he arches his back into a near perfect c-shape at the unexpected stimulation. He’s cumming before you can even get back onto the bed, so strung out that the orgasm steals the breath from his lungs. You turn the vibrations down, petting up and down his torso to soothe the tremors skating over his skin.

“Oh, you’re so pretty for me, my darling boy. Cumming like that, completely untouched. Did it feel good, baby?” Jake’s got a tear dripping down one cheek, and you can’t help kissing him for being so good for you. He’s never cum untouched before. You’ve never seen a more beautiful sight. You make out with your boyfriend for several long moments, feeling him relax into the bedsheets again. You check the ropes on his legs to make sure they aren’t chafing or dragging before loosening the bonds on his arms and settling yourself back into his lap. With his arms free, Jake sets his hands on your hips, gently trailing his thumbs under the thong you’re still wearing.

“Oh, you’re being so good for me, baby. D’you think you can give me two more orgasms, baby?” Your voice is gentle as you gaze down at Jake.

“Yes’m.” His voice is a slur as his eyes blearily follow your features.

“You can pick what we do next, lovely boy. D’you want to eat me out again while I randomize the tempo on the ring? Or do you want me to suck on that gorgeous thick cock while the ring does its thing?” Jake’s so deep into his submissive mindset that it takes him several minutes to string the words together to tell you what he wants. It doesn’t surprise you at all when Jake picks the second option. Blowjobs are his favorite thing when he’s not your subby baby so it makes perfect sense that he’ll want that comfort even now. You kiss him for telling you what he wants and pepper additional kisses over his hips and thighs, leaving red marks as you go, stopping after placing one kiss softly on the purpling mushroom head of his length.

The first light lick of your tongue over his length has Jake’s back arching again. You attack the hot flesh with gentle kitten licks, letting your saliva drip messily down his length until it’s collecting against the ring still securely clasped in place. It’s when you take his length into your mouth,sinking all the way down to the base that you flick the vibrations back on. He fights masterfully, trying not to buck up into your mouth, but that’s what you want. Your baby’s going to cum again, dry, and then you’re going to pull the ring off and ride him until he’s stuffing you full of his cum. 

To aid him, when you pull away, you tell him, “Fuck my face, darling boy. It’s alright. You’re not going to get punished for that. You’ve been so good for me. I want you to come. Come for me, baby.”

You relax your jaw, allowing the punishing pace Jake sets as he chases his orgasm with everything he has. It’s only a few thrusts before he comes again. You pepper kisses across the muscles of his tense thighs and flick the vibrations off. His moan is strangled when you unclasp the ring, setting it on a paper towel on the bathroom counter. You undo the knots tying him to the bed and kiss him until he’s a little closer to Jake than your baby boy. Arousal is still singing through your veins as you cradle him close to your skin, and Jake’s still hard when you feel his hand against your back. 

You grin when your bra falls away, and lose yourself looking into sage eyes glinting golden in the lamplight. Jake's mouth is soon on your breasts. The nipping, licks, and open-mouthed kisses have the fire burning under your skin banking even hotter. 

It feels like forever before Jake finally presses into you. His hard length sinks into you in a smooth glide, easily lubricated by how wet you are. You can't help how you arch your back towards him, gasping as his length brushes up against every tender sensitive spot in you that makes your toes curl. You're so close to orgasming already that at the first thrust, you're digging your heels into the dimples above his ass and chanting his name.

The bedroom dissolves into a cacophony of slapping skin and your moans as you buck your hips to meet Jake's for each thrust. You reach the precipice of your orgasm easily, but no matter what you do, you can't cum. Jake's thrusts make you light up, each sending more heat coiling in your gut, but the band just doesn't snap. You're far beyond dominating him now, babbling his name and begging him to make you cum. Finally, Jake presses the pad of his thumb firmly against your swollen clit and envelopes a nipple with his mouth. The combined steady pressure and stinging bite of his teeth sends you careening into the most potent orgasm you think you've ever had.

You're not sure how much later it is when you come back to yourself. Jake's moved you to a bare section of the mattress and you can see him stripping the sheets.

"Jakey?" Your voice is soft, and you can't help your smile when his head swivels in your direction almost immediately. "C'mere." You crook your fingers beckoning him close.

Once he's at arms reach you begin to examine him to see if he's had enough aftercare after dropping so thoroughly like he had earlier. His hands fly to your hips like they're magnetized as you settle into his lap. When you kiss him, his response is slow. So you just tug him into your arms until his face is buried against your breasts. That's where you stay for several moments until he begins kissing you again. Those fervent sloppy kisses are how you know your Jake's come back to you. So you step into the kitchen for a few moments and return with a bowl of cut fruit and a bottle of Gatorade. 

You feed Jake the fruit, seeing the color rise back into his cheeks and his awareness come back to the forefront of his mind more and more with each sip of electrolytes and each bite of fruit. You nuzzle at his temple, pressing a gentle kiss there and just hold him for several moments when you're done. It's after you've ushered him into the shower and you're cuddling that Jake finally talks to you again.

"God, that was…" Jake's voice is still a drawl as he traces abstract patterns across your skin. "God, that was something special, beautiful. I've never cum dry before. How'd you know that was what I needed?" 

You purse your lips, pretending to think a bit. "I guess it was when I realized that even though you were on vacation you weren't actually relaxing. That was when I knew. You're needier and brattier too."

"I never knew I was so easy to read." His voice is hoarse and quiet as he sets you down on a settee and goes back to changing the sheets. He glares playfully at you for getting up to help him.

You smile at him, "I wouldn't say you're easy to read, Jake. Definitely not to others. But you agreed to drop into an easier mindset for me. I know you, I think, better than most because you trust that part of yourself to me, and only me." 

Jake's resulting glance is so questioning that you smile. "And honestly, baby, I think you need to look at yourself in the mirror. Marked by my red lips, with your green eyes shining like that? I don't think there's any doubt that you're mine." You have the proof to show him, too. If you text him a picture every now and then to see his reaction, well, you're only human right? Haven't you heard the phrase, 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'? Your Cowboy is the best of the best after all.

Taglist:

@cassiemitchell ♕ @mayhemmanaged ♕ @dakotakazansky ♕ @desert-fern ♕ @cherrycola27 ♕ @thedroneranger ♕ @sarahsmi13s ♕ @lovinglyeternal ♕ @bradleybeachbabe ♕

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

[modern-day-bard]

Other Duties As Assigned: A Joel Miller AU Fanfiction

Content Warning: 18+ This story includes mature themes such as drinking, stalking, violence, and explicit smut. Minors, do not interact.

ao3 | wattpad

word count: 4.5k

Chapter 21: Protocol

Gwen

I’m late. For the first time in months, I’m sprinting my way over to the curb to hop into Rodney’s car. In hindsight, I hope that Ada didn’t see that from where I left her in the café.

“That seemed to go well.” Joel muses as he settles in the front seat.

“It did,” I can’t help but beam, “I negotiated and signed the contract in under two cups of tea. Record timing.”

“Congratulations,” Joel’s voice is low, and I know he’s hiding a smile.

It was the first good thing that had happened all week. The first thing that made me feel like I was doing something outside of Russell Corp. Something that was all mine. A contract with Brissel, all from attending that Halloween party. Well that, and thanks to Harper, whom I’m currently late to meet for drinks. At least now it will be celebratory.

The bar she texted me was in SoHo, and though I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, I was glad to have the excuse to leave both my apartment and my father’s several neighborhoods behind. For all I know, maybe the stalker has unlimited resources. But even if that’s the case, it can’t be easy to chase a car in New York all the way down to the lower edge of Manhattan.

Joel walks extra closely to me once we arrive, as the bar is flooded with people. Even from the corner of my eye, I can see how tightly his jaw is clenched. I feel a sudden wave of guilt, knowing how many people he’ll have to keep an eye out for. But as my favorite redhead comes into view, I try to push that from my mind.

Harper gives me a hug before revealing both Landon and Nyah behind her.

“Surprise! I obviously knew you’d get the contract, so I figure we might as well celebrate together.”

“You could not have known, Harper,” I roll my eyes affectionately.

“No, we knew.”

“Miss M.I.A.!” Landon kisses my cheek. “Where have you been?”

“We’ve barely heard from you since the Halloween party,” Nyah joins in, hugging me a bit tighter than normal.

“Just busy, like you guys. Nothing to write home about, though.” I feel the gravity of guilt again, lying to them. Landon squints at me a little, but they let it slide while we take a seat.

They all say hi to Joel, who takes a seat on one of the stools right behind me, his back turned to me so he could face the door. The place really is packed, but it feels intimate in this corner by the window, more like a pub, especially with our little table.

I change the subject quickly to their work lives, Elijah, Harper’s latest conquests, and any updates from Nyah’s touch-and-go love life. We are almost three drinks deep each when I slip up, complaining that my father will come home in a couple of days, so I’ll need to get a move on.

“What do you mean?” Harper asks.

“Hm?” I take another sip of my mule, hoping we can breeze over it.

“Has he been hounding you at work, or something?”

“No, I hardly ever see him. You know how it is.” Something about this group of people completely erases any of my talents of deception. They just stare back at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

“I’ve just been staying at my father’s place for the past week. I want to be out before he comes back,” I shrug.

“Why would you be staying there?” Nyah asks.

I look at all three of them individually, wracking my brain for a valid excuse. “My apartment is being fumigated. There’s a bunch of rats randomly and some crazy mold thing. They say it could take a few weeks.”

Joel clears his throat behind me.

“Maybe a few months for all I know.”

“Really? God, that’s awful,” Harper gasps.

“I’m sorry, Gwen. You’re always welcome to stay with me!” Nyah adds. I thought about it the days that followed the brick indecent. I even expressed to Joel that I would feel more comfortable. I could tell that he struggled to tell me that it was putting my friends in more danger, as whoever was following me most likely knew them, and where they lived. Statistically, it was unlikely a stalker would go near them if I wasn’t there. Nyah’s apartment sounds like a haven to me, but not enough to be selfish about it.

“Thanks, Nye,” I reach across and squeeze her hand, “But I come with some extra cargo now. And we’ve found a place for me to rent in the meantime.” I notice Joel twist his head toward me a bit at the comment, but at least this part wasn’t a lie. We did find a place, and we were able to rent it under a pseudonym. Plus, it was on the Upper East Side and had multiple units on the same floor available for both Joel, Carlos, and Jace. The latter of the two were setting up the security system today.

“Oh, well, that’s good at least. If you get sick of it, maybe you could join me in Paris.” Nyah wiggles her eyebrows.

“Paris? Since when?”

“Since Andre Bacri hired me as the exclusive photographer for his editorial shoot.”

“Nyah! That’s incredible! Why have we been celebrating me tonight?” I turn to the other two, “You both knew?”

“She couldn’t wait. Spilled the beans as soon as she walked in.” Landon smiles.

“Are you guys going?”

“Naturally, I have two events the week she’s going, so I’m out. Though I did consider quitting my family business so I could go, more than once.” Harper sighs. I shoot her an apologetic look before setting my sights on Landon.

“I’m still up in the air. I’m trying to coordinate with this new sculpturist of mine. If their exhibit dates don’t fall on the Paris dates, I’m all in.”

“I’m so proud of you, Nye. Seriously.” It would be a massive effort to stop smiling at this point.

“Thank you,” Her eyes shine, “But honestly, if I don’t go to the bathroom soon I’m going to regret it.” She hops up, and Harper follows suit.

“I’ll come with!”

They both scurry off through the crowd, and Landon drapes an arm on the back of their chair, narrowing their eyes at me.

“Yes?” I ask as sweetly as possible.

“Your apartment is being fumigated?”

“Correct.”

“So how long have you been staying at your dad’s?”

“About a week.”

“Right…right.” Landon twirls the spear of their martini around and around, toying with it. “Remember when my apartment was fumigated when we were in college? I sent you pictures of my makeshift room at my friend’s place?”

Fuck.

I had not remembered that. Not until now. I wonder if that’s why that excuse came to mind first…

“Oh god, yeah. That must have been so frustrating.”

“Yeah. It was a pretty grueling seventy-four hours.”

Oh, no.

“It was a smaller building, though.” I add, hoping for some reason that would justify a month of living at a new place.

“True. You’re right, I remember them saying sometimes it can take up to a week.”

There is some humor in their eyes, and I know Landon isn’t angry with me. But there is so much I can’t say. All I can picture is something bad happening to them because of me.

“You caught me, okay? It’s not being fumigated.” Joel coughs again behind me, clearly a nonverbal plea for me to shut up. Landon leans back in their chair with a smug smile.

“So what is it, then?”

I watch as their eyes grow progressively worried the longer I remain silent, and the guilt pulls me down further. I lower my voice, hoping I can convey everything I need to without actually answering them.

“I can’t say. And I really don’t want to worry anyone, especially Harper. Just…please trust me that I’m doing everything I can to stay safe.”

Landon goes pale. “Gwen…I’m sorry. I was sort of joking, I didn’t think it could be something like…” They tilt their head towards Joel.

“It’s okay. I was surprised, too. And I’m fine.”

“I want to offer my apartment, too, but I’m guessing it will have the same response as Nyah.”

I nod, giving them a sad smile.

“Okay…if it helps, you can still know that it’s there. At least, spiritually.” That does make me laugh a little. “Also, in that case you really should consider coming to Paris. I mean, if it’s safe. It might be good to get away.”

“I will definitely consider it,” I smile, and Landon places a sympathetic hand on my arm. “So who’s this new sculpturist of yours? Would I know any of their work?”

Landon laughs. “Would you know any sculpturist’s work?”

- - -

The second blessing of tonight is that it’s the last night before we have the all clear to move into the temporary apartment. The downside that comes with it is that it will be expected for Joel to sleep in a separate bedroom.

I hadn’t meant to keep asking him to stay. And I felt lucky, because I usually didn’t have to. He would ask, as if he could sense my unease. I feel guilty about that, too, as he did insist now on sleeping on the floor or in one of the wingback chairs. The only night he had slept in the bed with me was the first one here, and not that I’d say anything, but I miss it. I also won’t tell him that this is the longest any man has stayed in the room with me. Or that usually, I can barely sleep if someone else is in my bed. Yet that first night here, I only felt secure if he stayed. And every night since has been the best night sleep I’ve ever had in this house.

I try to watch him now as he gets ready for bed, and settles his back against one of the chairs, only half facing me. His poor back…it can’t be comfortable. I want to invite him over here again, or at least insist that I take the chair this time. But that would bring up some very unprofessional recent memories, and I don’t want to put him in that position again. Even as my guilt grows, admiring how broad his shoulders look in his white t-shirt. Even as I glance downwards, wondering how he’s slept in jeans for so many nights. If that meant that normally he would just be in his boxer shorts…

Deciding to look at the ceiling instead, I throw my head back so fast that I smack it against the headboard.

“Ow,” I moan quietly. Keeping my eyes upward, I hope Joel didn’t hear it.

“You alright?” He asks, a possible hint of humor in his tone.

“Fine. Totally fine.” I start to twiddle my thumbs over the top of the covers, and I’m glad he can’t see my face from where he’s sitting.

After a moment, Joel speaks again. “I don’t mean this to sound…condescending, but, you did a good job tonight. With Landon.”

And fuck if him saying good job in that low voice didn’t make my stomach muscles clench.

“It’s not condescending. Thank you. I wish I didn’t have to lie…I should have known Landon would see through it. Or any of them, for that matter.”

“You won’t have to lie forever. And you’re only doing it to protect them.”

Something about the softness of his voice makes me sit up again to watch his reaction as I ask tentatively, “Is that something you have to do a lot…in your profession?”

He considers it for a minute, running a hand through his hair. “I usually have to lie for clients, not to them. Simple things like giving someone the wrong location for a meeting, withholding exit strategies. Everything is on a need-to-know basis.”

Joel twists in his chair so he can make eye contact with me, and I must look worried because he adds, “I’ve never lied to you. I did withhold telling you about that second package, and I regret it.”

I nod, trying not to get too focused on his lips. “I believe you,” I whisper, surprised that I mean it. I have a feeling he would have lied to protect me. But now that I’ve told him I want to know whenever anything happens, I know he will tell me. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.

Joel’s eyes fall, and his mouth curves into a smirk. “If it helps…I’m actually a horrible liar.”

“What?” I let out a small giggle. “There’s no way. You’re so…stoic. It would be easy.”

“Stoic? I guess that’s a fair take. But yeah, I feel like you can always hear it in my voice. It’s easy if I’m talking to someone I don’t know, but if it’s anyone else, you can tell.”

“Huh,” I prop myself further up on my elbows. “I kinda want you to lie now so I can hear it.”

Joel huffs. “Okay, uh…I’m eight feet tall.”

“No, no it has to be something realistic. That sounds truthful because we both know that’s a lie. Tell me…” I flip my hair to the side, giving him a crazed smile. “Tell me I’m the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen.” I meant it as a joke, but Joel’s smile fades, taking in a sharp breath.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

I’ve stopped smiling now, too.

It didn’t sound like a lie. It sounded like a secret.

The gruff and husky timbre of his voice when he said it…It sounded like something that frustrated him. Something he’s thought about before, and never been able to say. The silence has spanned too long, so I cocked an eyebrow, attempting to tease him.

“You’re a better liar than you give yourself credit for.” Oh, no. Was it teasing, or flirting?

Joel doesn’t smile or laugh. The only acknowledgment that he heard me was that familiar creasing in between his eyebrows.

Again, that guilt grips me by the ankles, pulling me to sit up and regain my composure. My civility.

“Okay. Secret for a secret.” I clasp my hands together, thinking of what I could give him that wouldn’t further compromise this professional relationship.

“Secret for a secret?” He asks.

“Yeah. You told me one—how you’re a bad liar—so I’ll tell you one. A classic for sleepovers.”

Thankfully, this allows him to smirk again. “Alright.”

“Secretly…I’ve felt more calm here than I thought I would.” That doesn’t give away too much, right?

We stare at each other again before Joel’s smile turns teasing. “You? Calm? Is that even possible?”

I resist the urge to throw a pillow at him. “I said more calm than I thought, to be fair.”

Joel sighs, leaning back in his chair, “That’s hardly even a secret.”

It is if you knew the reason.

“What were you hoping to know?” I feel sleep tugging at me as I watch Joel caress the side of his jaw.

“Anything—nothing in particular.”

“Okay,” I yawn, “I was on the debate team in high school.”

Joel chuckles. “Also not exactly a secret.”

“Why? You looked that up too?”

“No. I just think you thrive going toe-to-toe,” I’m glad he can’t see my toes kicking under the covers as he says it. “But, I think you’d thrive more if you actually go to sleep.”

I’m about to protest, but my lip quivers trying to keep another yawn at bay. “Fine, maybe you’re right…just this once.”

“We can go over that in the morning,” I can hear the smile in his voice, and I get a small wave of panic, knowing that tomorrow, it will just be me, alone in an unfamiliar place.

- - -

I had only just stepped back into my office when the phone rang.

“Arthur! It’s been a minute. How’s it going?” He couldn’t attend last Wednesday's dinner, and since then, he’s been in China with my father.

“Guinevere. You sound chipper. I’m glad, because I have a favor to ask.”

“Figures.”

“You know the Maloy fundraiser tonight?”

“Sure do.” I clench my phone a little tighter, almost certain of what he’ll ask me. The Maloy’s were old friends of my parents, meaning they would send us a gift every Christmas in hopes that they could count on our annual donations the following year. I’m not entirely sure what the fundraiser is for, as I’ve been able to get out of the event since undergrad. And after recent events, I wouldn’t expect to be invited to many fundraisers…

“Well, our last meeting here has been pushed to tomorrow. We won’t make it back in time. I’m hoping you can represent the company.”

I roll my eyes to the ceiling. “I can do that. Send me the details.”

There's a short pause on the other end. “Really?”

“What did you think I was going to say?”

“Nothing. Sounds good, I’ll send you the invite.”

I had big plans tonight of going to the new apartment, checking all the cabinets for signs of hidden cameras, freaking out a little, and maybe watching a movie with a glass of wine. The fundraiser throws a major wrench in that plan. But if it keeps my paranoid thoughts at bay for a few more hours, I’ll take it.

I tell Joel and Rodney as soon as we’re back in the car, or rather, the new car, since Rodney changed it today while I was at work. Joel’s idea in an effort to confuse whoever was watching.

“I’ll probably need to get a dress…but I have to be there in two hours.”

“We’ve had most of your wardrobe delivered to the new place, if that helps.” Joel says.

“Okay, I can work with that. I wonder if Aria and Mateo could meet me…”

I can tell from the way Joel runs his hand down his thigh that he has something to tell me. “I’m sorry, Miss Russell, but we can’t have anyone coming to the new place. I’d be happy to escort you to them, if you wish.”

“No that’s…that makes sense. I’ll make it work.”

We take a roundabout way to the new place, adding on an extra thirty minutes, which Joel apologizes for twice.

The building is smaller than I anticipated, being that it’s only six floors instead of twelve. There’s four units on each floor, and somehow they managed to get us three on the top floor. Managed, meaning that they definitely agreed to pay a year’s worth of rent up front. Minimum.

When Joel opens the door for me, I’m relieved to see that it’s a studio. A relatively spacious studio, as there’s still space for a couch and a small dining table. You enter into the kitchen, and there are floor-to-ceiling windows next to the bed directly across from the front door.

“At least you can see everything in one spot,” I mumble.

“That was the idea.”

Joel shows me the basics. Light switches, the security system they installed and how to arm it, and the most time-sensitive information: where they put my clothes. I start sifting through the closet, looking for something appropriate.

“I’m sorry to drag you to another black tie event,” I pull out a tea-length maroon dress that will probably suffice.

“I’m sorry you have to go,” Joel smooths his hand across the top of the dining table. “I also wanted to let you know that I think it’s best that Jace and Carlos come with us. They can stay in the car, but having them there as a precaution could be beneficial.”

The thought of Joel having backup wasn’t something I was going to argue with. “That’s fine.”

“I’m going to get changed. The door will lock automatically, and I’m out the hall to the right, Jace and Carlos are to the left. You can text or call if you need anything in the meantime.”

I give him a smile and a nod on his way out. I know him leaving wouldn’t bother me too much right now. It’s later I’m worried about.

First, I need to get through this dinner. Only, when I got in the car and Rodney started driving, I realized I had no idea where we were going. I open up the text from Arthur again.

“Carnegie Hall?” I whisper.

“Yes, Miss Russell.” Rodney responds. “Did you need to make any other stops?”

“No, thanks. I’m just surprised.” I figured it was a dinner, but reading the message over again, it’s just a cocktail hour followed by a show. That offers me some relief. I won’t have to talk for too long at least.

My phone rings in my hand, and I feel uncomfortable answering it when I’m sandwiched between Carlos and Jace. That is, until I see who’s calling.

“What?” I snap.

“Well, hello to you, too.” Daniel’s crisp, irritating voice fills my ear.

“What do you want?”

“I heard you were coming to the Maloy event. I’m outside to pick you up.”

My shoulders stiffen. No one is supposed to know where I am, and I think it’s best if I don’t lie completely. This weasel will sniff it out. “Why would you do that?”

“You, Cyrus and I are representing Russell Corp tonight. Why not?”

“I’m already on the way there. Thanks, though.”

“How far? We could still carpool.”

“Don’t tell me you fired another driver. Take a cab if you need to, Daniel. I’ll see you there.” Unfortunately.

He hangs up with one last huff. Maybe that was his own bizarre way of trying to apologize for his behavior the other night.

There are a few photographers outside the event, and with a guest list like this, they’re looking for more popular fish to fry than me. I pose for a few polite frames before Joel leads me into the lobby. A lobby that had been transformed into two bars and several white cloth tables. Looking around the expansive room, I stop in my tracks, nostalgia softly washing through me.

“What is it?” Joel hovers his hand near my back, never truly touching. I have the desire to lean against him, to somehow share what I’m feeling through the contact.

“I forgot about the last time I was here. My mom brought me when I was little…At the time, I thought it was boring,” Joel smiles as I speak, “My favorite part was how high the ceilings were.”

“What did you two see?” His voice is so gentle, and curious. I suddenly wish we weren’t here for work, but just for pleasure.

“I can’t remember, actually. I know that there was a flautist and a big orchestra. And I remember I had these amazing sparkly shoes.” I laugh, feeling the same bout of excitement I had when my mom brought them home for me.

Joel looks down at me just as soft as his voice had been, and carefully, carefully, cups my lower back, caressing soft lines with his thumb. My face heats, and I want to lean my side into his.

“I’ve changed my mind,” He murmurs.

“About what?”

“My New York bucket list. I think I just checked one off.”

I survey the room again. “Carnegie Hall? It’s a good one.”

He shrugs, looking around with moderate interest. “Something like that.”

I scan his face again, but he shifts away from me, leaving me feeling much colder than I was when we entered. Only a moment later, I see why.

“Guinevere,” Cyrus comes up and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Glad you could make it last minute.”

“Me too. Should be a good show.” I still had no idea who we were seeing tonight.

“I hope the traffic wasn’t too bad.”

“Oh no, it was fine. It’s not that far from my place.” It wasn’t, from my typical apartment that is.

“Right. That’s true.” He takes a long sip of whatever dark liquor was in his glass. “Should we go say hi to the Maloys? Daniel should be here any minute.”

Great.

“Sounds good.”

The Maloys were happy to see us, even when Daniel showed up. We only had to exchange a few pleasantries, asking for updates on their grandchildren, their business practices. Much more painless than what I thought this night would become. Until the lights flicker, and everyone starts to shuffle inside. Daniel is close enough to raise my blood pressure, his hand often grazing my lower back.

“We should get a drink after the show,” He says as we’re escorted to our seats.

I hope my shock isn’t too evident on my face. “I don’t think I can. I have an early morning tomorrow.”

His eye roll doesn’t go unnoticed. “It won’t take that long. We can go somewhere close.”

Joel shifts slightly, having been behind me before, he now pokes his hand between Daniel and I, guiding my waist into our row. Daniel looks up at him, horrified.

“I believe you can sit behind us,” He hisses, “Being staff and all.”

“Protocol.” Is all Joel says.

Daniel must still be a little afraid of him from the other night, because he actually lets Joel in next so we’ll be seated with each other. When he’s busy getting settled, I mouth a silent thank you to Joel, who gives me a smile in return.

The show is incredible. The ensemble on stage is vast, and the performance is long enough that we get to hear solos from almost every section. Every time I glance over at Joel, his eyes seem to be looking at the ceiling, and my heart leaps. And then, in the final third act of the performance, when my eyes are shiny and my hands are tightly clasped together, he presses his knee against mine. And he doesn’t move it away.

Instinct takes over for a split second, as I move my hand, wanting to take his. At least I’m able to stop myself before that happens.

After the performance, I say goodbye to Cyrus and Daniel, who, looking at Joel, doesn’t mention drinks again. We’re able to get back in the car without speaking to anyone else, and I’m relieved to have an evening where nothing goes awry as I slide in next to Jace. Carlos is in the front seat next to Rodney, leaving Joel to sit next to me.

This time, I don’t want to go to the apartment as soon as possible. I don’t want to go back there and lay in a new bed, ruminating on the same old fears. I know, logically, that I’m safe there. But what if someone broke into Joel’s apartment first? What if he was alone, and asleep…completely defenseless?

As if Joel could hear my current spiral, he presses his knee against mine once again. And when I finally dare to look up at him, the city lights illuminating his face as we drive through the night, I’m amazed there was ever a time where I would do anything to make him leave.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

[maximura]

Ad Astra: The Theory Of Relativity | An Interstellar Ateez story Part I | Part II | Part III | Park IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII (Words 5000, Gen, Warnings: swearing) You can now also read it all on A03

The rocket thrusters continue to fire at 100% but they cannot maintain the shuttle’s momentum without the pilot taking control of the flight path. The shuttle’s wing panels shake and shimmer with instability, the craft veers dangerously off course, losing both fuel and momentum as it surges haphazardly towards the exosphere. 

The pilot loses control of the engines. 

The pilot loses control of the thrusters. 

The pilot loses control of the navigation. 

The shuttle breaks apart in the exosphere with no survivors on board. 

The screen goes black.

*

“This simulation is rigged!” San announces hotly as he climbs out of the flight simulator.

“No, it’s not.” Hongjoong replies through the intercom of the control room. “This is based on a real mission. It is achievable.”

“I’ve done it twice and it’s failed both times. Even Mingyu didn’t get past the exosphere and Taehyun crashed it four times! How do we even know it can be done?"

Seungcheol steeples his fingers in contemplation but there’s a sly mischievous grin on his face as he looks at Hongjoong and nods towards the simulator. 

“Go on. Show the children.” 

Hongjoong pushes the intercom button again.

“I know it can be done San because I did it. This was my mission. I wrote this simulation."

If earning Choi San’s awe and respect turns out to be a bad influence on the teenager, well that’s between them and God. 

****

Dear Mr Kim, 

I regret to inform you that there has been an incident regarding Flight Training Simulator A. As you know, an emergency meeting has been arranged tomorrow. You are expected to arrive at 9:00am KST sharp. I’m sure you are also aware, though I feel the need to remind you again, that the consequence of your non-compliance, like mine, always leads to martial law.

Regards, 

Dr Park Seonghwa

NASA Deputy head of Astrophysics, Robotic Engineering and Interstellar Biology, PhD

P.S I strongly advise that you dress appropriately and avoid any confrontation, for both our sakes. As I am writing to you in confidence, please delete this message after reading. 

****

“Yunho! Get up!” 

The lump on the bed doesn’t move.

At least not until Hongjoong nudges it with his foot. “I’m serious, get up! I need to talk to you.”

Groaning, Yunho rolls over, a little shocked to see his older brother fully dressed up in a shirt and tie this early on a Saturday morning.

“Why are you up already? What are you wearing?” He croaks, throat rusty from sleep. “Is that dad’s tie?”

Hongjoong is reading a letter with a deep frown on his face. “I’ve been called into NASA’s head office for an urgent meeting, they’re flipping out about something. I need you to start that job on Mr Lee’s tractor engine by yourself today. You know how, we did the same thing a few weeks ago. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“What? By myself?” Yunho repeats in disbelief. "Are you sure?"

Hongjoong doesn’t look up from his letter. “Yes I'm sure. I’ve already called Mr Lee. He’s fine with it as long as I come take a look this afternoon to double check. You’ll be fine, you’ve done it plenty of times already.”

Yunho sits up in bed now. “I’ve only done it five times Hongjoong and you were there for all of them.” 

“I barely had to correct you on anything last time. You don't really need me anymore. You're ready.”

Yunho just gapes at him, mouth opening and closing without any words coming out. 

Hongjoong finally folds the offending document he’s reading into his bag and looks at his brother. 

They’ve been so tired and caught up in their own separate problems that they’ve missed how worn out the other has been. The NASA job eats up most of Hongjoong’s time and if there’s anything left over, it’s spent trying to keep up with all the farming jobs that continue to come in.

Hongjoong makes it a rule that no matter where their day takes them, they come home to eat dinner together. Yunho appreciates how hard his older brother is trying to hold everything together but can’t ignore the way that grip is slipping. One day there won't be a grip at all. One day Yunho will need to take matters into his own hands. He knows it's coming, he just doesn't know when.

“Listen, if you can’t do it, I’ll call Mr Lee and reschedule it.” Hongjoong sighs, running a hand through his hair. “He’ll understand."

“No, I can do it!” Yunho interjects loudly, wincing at how harsh his voice suddenly got. “It’s just….I haven’t done a whole job without you before.”

Hongjoong comes over to squeeze his brother's shoulder firmly, the movement is reassuring and grounding for the both of them. “The tractor is older than you. It’s basic as they come. Mr Lee isn’t in a rush so you’ll be fine. Wooyoung is on for tool-duty. You got this.”

“Well, um okay. If you think so.”

“Yes, I do.” Hongjoong nods. “Now get up. It’s 8am. I’ll drop you guys off with the tools on the way.”

“Can I have five more minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Nope. Get your ass up now.”

*****

It's with a sense of deja vu that Hongjoong meets Seungcheol in the dim corridor of NASA’s headquarters. The older man painting a well-practiced picture of apathy: his white shirt sleeves are already rolled up to the elbows, dark blue tie slackened despite the early hour and those broad shoulders devoid of any tension at all as they lean against the wall.

He wears a deeply unimpressed expression on his face which only brightens up when he sees Hongjoong approaching. 

“Morning!”

“Morning?” Hongjoong replies slowly, confused by the jovial tone of his friend at a time like this. “Did you get the same memos as me? NASA sounds pissed.”

“Every government agency sounds pissed.” Seungcheol points out. “Same shit, different day.”

“Why don’t you have PTSD from this?” Hongjoong asks. “Last time we were both summoned to a meeting together, we both lost our jobs.”

Seungcheol laughs brightly. “Well, kiddo, the thing is: we’re all they’ve got. They know it. I know it. You know it. So this is probably just a little formality to let them air their grievances so it looks like we got disciplined. Just nod and smile and we’ll be outta here in 40 minutes max.”

Hongjoong opens his mouth to protest but Seungcheol is already holding up a finger. “Do. Not. Engage. You hear me? Your mouth and attitude always gets us in trouble.”

“Me?! But I don’t even know what-”

Seungcheol quirks a strong, and vaguely threatening, eyebrow. 

“Okay okay.” Hongjoong sighs, holding his hands up in surrender. “No engaging, I got it.”

“Good. Just smile and nod. It’ll be fine!” Seungcheol chirps cheerfully again. “Whatever this bullshit is, let’s just get it over with. The fucking audacity to call me in on my day off and not even tell me the emergency. I swear these clowns just want to push my buttons.”

Hongjoong looks over, confused again. Maybe Seungcheol didn’t get the same memo from Dr. Park. Maybe he just didn’t bother to read the details. Or maybe he didn’t want to know, though the latter scenarios seem highly unlikely. Which leaves… 

“We’re all here on our day off Commander Choi. Perhaps the clowns are just ready for the circus to roll into town.”

Doctor Park Seonghwa. 

He had walked up to them so quietly that Hongjoong barely even heard it. They nod a polite greeting to one another but nothing more is said.

It's been awhile since they saw each other; a few weeks feeling like years, both men now in possession of longer hair, shorter tempers and heavier responsibilities. Not even the dim lighting of NASA’s corridor could hide their dark circles and tired lines; familiar telltale signs of one’s complete inability to find any work-life balance. 

They share a brief look of what might be understanding or maybe commiseration, on Hongjoong’s part anyway, before Yeosang directs them into the boardroom with a professionally neutral expression on his face. 

And then it begins. 

Yeosang clears his throat before briefing the room on the latest developments: 

“Last night, Friday 22nd, at approximately 7pm, our security personnel received an alert from the Western training facility. Upon further investigation, a Level 1 trainee was discovered in Flight Training Simulator A. He was promptly escorted off the premises and will be questioned in due course. This meeting’s purpose is to address the unfortunate news that there has been a malfunction with Simulator A that has rendered it inoperable for the foreseeable future. We have our technicians assessing it as we speak.”

What the hell.

Hongjoong notices that Professsor Park is not present around the table but the same familiar suits and faces from his previous interrogation are. This is not going to end well. Not when he was the last person to run a simulation on that very machine. 

“Commander Choi, as lead instructor, what is your knowledge regarding the malfunction of Flight Training Simulator A?”

For all his intensity and prickly demeanour, Seungcheol remains oddly civil. “The simulator was functioning normally during the last training session. I have no knowledge of any malfunctions. NASA doesn’t pay me enough to babysit the children after hours.”

The suits are unamused but accept his answer and move on.

“Mr Kim, what is your knowledge regarding the malfunction of Flight Training Simulator A?”

“Training finished at the scheduled 5pm. The simulator was working normally when we left. I….was at a birthday party for my brother after that. I don’t have any knowledge of the malfunction either.”

There’s a murmur from the Head Suits but they also move on, turning to the left to address someone else. 

“Doctor Park, as a Deputy Head, what is your knowledge regarding the malfunction of Flight Training Simulator A?”

Hongjoong looks across the tablet in surprise.

The young Doctor is trying keeping his face neutral but Hongjoong can see his jaw muscles tensing, no doubt a movement to contain the simmering frustration underneath.

“As I have already informed you all in writing, I do not have further knowledge of the malfunction.”

The Blue Suit leans forward, in both a leering and aggressive way that makes Hongjoong’s hands twitch. “Yes, of course we have read your email but what I am asking you now Doctor Park, is why your security ID tag was used to access the training facility after hours?”

Quiet gasps of shock ripples through the room and Hongjoong looks at the Doctor in earnest now, searching that stern and cold face for any signs of….anything. 

But there’s barely anything else to find. 

“I believe I also explained that in my email.” Doctor Park replies evenly, before dropping his security tag onto the wooden table with a loud clack that echoes uncomfortably in the cavernous room. “There is only one copy of my security ID tag and it is sitting here on this table right now. If there is another one out there, then that is a security issue, because I can assure you that I have not-“

“Could it be that you allowed the trainee to borrow it?” The Blue Suit interrupts. “He would have access to it, would he not? Perhaps when you were not looking?”

“No. I did not do that.” Doctor Park furrows his eyebrows in frustration. It’s a small movement but it’s there. The cracks are beginning to show and it makes Hongjoong suddenly nervous to see the other man be anything but a cold stone wall.

“He knows not to do that.”

He? 

Who?

Oh no.

Hongjoong is still processing the information but Seungcheol is leaning back in his chair chuckling quietly to himself, as if he’s figured it all out and all that’s missing is a bowl of popcorn to enjoy the show. 

“But he did do it.” The Blue Suit pushes on. “We have security footage that Choi San used your ID tag to gain access to the training facility, then proceeded to spend the next three hours frying the electrics of our Flight Simulator. What do you think we should do about that?”

Doctor Park’s hands form two fists on the table for a few seconds before relaxing again. “He is to face the consequences the Board sees fit but I ask you to consider his age and abilities-“

“You cannot be impartial.” The Blue Suit scowls, shaking his head in disappointment. “The board members have been considering removing you from the Lazarus mission. Favouritism has no place at NASA.”

At this, there is audible shock in the room. Even Seungcheol sits up. 

“What the hell?!” It slips from Hongjoong’s mouth before his filter could even catch it. “This is ridiculous. It’s mostly his mission!”

Seungcheol groans beside him and kicks at his ankle in warning. “Don’t…”

But it’s too late, all the attention swings from Doctor Park to rest heavily on Hongjoong’s face. Suddenly his dad’s tie feels like it’s choking him.

Flashbacks flood his mind now; from being escorted off his half broken ship, to the humiliating hearing, to the disappointment on his parent's faces, to Seungcheol’s angry tirade in the aftermath and finally, to them both being fired permanently from any NASA or military employment. 

Yeosang clears his throat, perhaps sensing the precarious mood in the room, and speaks before the Suits get the chance. 

“Mr Kim, if you do not have any further relevant information to contribute to this matter, I would suggest letting the Board continue.”

It’s a warning and a small mercy. Seungcheol has to kick Hongjoong’s ankle twice to get the message across. 

“Yes. I apologise.” Hongjoong forces himself to say. “I don’t have any more….relevant information.” 

The Suits turn back to Doctor Park, whose elegant edges were beginning to fray. 

“Doctor Park, the Board has always appreciated you and your father’s generosity in assisting Trainee Choi San into the program. We regret Professor Park cannot join us today but we cannot be seen showing leniency and favouritism in the face of such egregious irresponsibility. The Board moves to relieve you of your role in the flight training portion of the Lazarus Mission. You will only have security clearance for your robotics and biological pursuits. Trainee Choi will be demoted from Level 1 to Level 2 as a consequence. You understand this has to be done. We take no joy in it.”

Doctor Park’s jaw tenses again and Hongjoong can feel the intensity rolling off the other man in deafening waves. 

“I ask you to please reconsider. I will pay for the repairs, I can assure you Trainee Choi only had good intentions-“

The Blue Suit laughs. “His good intentions broke a $10 Million dollar NASA grade machine.”

The Doctor slumps at that. Finally defeated.

“The Board’s decision is final. If there are any objections from any other members, let them voice it now.”

Hongjoong’s fingers dig into the arm rests but before he can even move forward in his seat to protest again, Seungcheol’s hand shoots out to yank him back. “No.”

When Hongjoong looks across the table to lock eyes with Doctor Park, he’s met with a small dejected shake of the head.

Remnants of last night's email echoes in his head;

P.S I strongly advise that you dress appropriately and avoid any confrontation, for both our sakes.

It's only then that the fight leaves Hongjoong. 

“That concludes the first portion of today’s meeting.” Yeosang’s neutral voice fills the room again. “We move to the second portion, regarding the unsatisfactory behaviour and progress of our trainees. The Board expresses concerns regarding the training methods used by Commander Choi and Mr Kim, from whom we request an explanation.”

It takes a few seconds for Seungcheol to move forward in his seat, like he had all the time in the world. His tie remains askew and he runs a hand through his long dark hair before speaking. The movement irks several Board Members and Hongjoong marvels at Seungcheol’s exceptional talent for pissing off government heads. 

“We’ve inherited a misfit group of mediocre pilot trainees. It takes time breaking bad habits, we’re doing it as fast as we can. Bad habits are worse than no habits.”

“What is your solution for this mediocre performance?”

“Solution?” Seungcheol snorts a laugh that sounds both resigned and annoyed. “You want us to upskill a bunch of kids in 12 months, at something that takes at least 4 years, in a job that less than 1% of the population can perform, with 90% less resources. The solution is to keep going.”

“Keep going?” The Blue Suit deadpans condescendingly. “That’s the solution? Could you be more specific? Might I remind you of the amount of goodwill and money we have—“

Seungcheol breathes in and out so heavily and so slowly that the entire room can see it, hear it and feel it. Like a Dragon taking pause before it makes a kill. Even Yeosang shifts uncomfortably in his chair. 

“No. You may not.” The commander says coldly. “No amount of money can fix them. If you want specifics: these kids aren’t good enough. The only solution for better results is better training and better pilots. We’re working like hell on the former but we’re in short supply of the latter.”

Hongjoong braces himself as Seungcheol continues. 

“Do not speak to me about goodwill. Your goodwill means nothing. These kids know they may be giving up their lives for future missions and they’re still stubborn enough to keep going. That’s the only goodwill I care about.”

There is a beat of silence but miraculously, Blue Suit only frowns as he continues. “How do you propose to increase their experience now that one of the simulators is out of action? Are you prepared to increase your work hours? Are either of you? We need pilots ready as soon as possible.”

“Well, you already have a fully trained pilot don’t you?" Seungcheol says, his eyes full of apology as they land on Hongjoong. "He’s a bit rusty, sure, but it would take me less time getting him mission-ready than it would running that pilot daycare.”

Seungcheol pauses, and there’s another rare gentle look in his eyes as he regards Hongjoong again, “The pilot daycare is years away from being mission ready so if you people want a competent pilot in space in the next 6 months, get the CyberSynk program back online. CAASI was made for this wasn’t he?”

This question is directed at Doctor Park, whose shock is clearly visible. “Yes but he hasn't done a flight with another human since the program shut down."

"But he can do it can't he? Isn't this what you built him for?"

"....Yes."

The Suits voice their objections but Seungcheol pushes on.

“How soon can you get him and LEO flight ready?”

Doctor Park is taken aback by the question again but after a moment's pause, his reply comes out steady, “A month at most, to recalibrate the data and sequences.”

“See? There you go. I solved this ridiculous maths problem for you all.” Seungcheol leans back in his chair with a smug grin before pointing to both Hongjoong and Doctor Park. “I need that lunatic because he’s our best pilot and I need the good doctor over there for his robots. So if you really want to get this circus on the road, you’re going to need to immediately re-instate both of them as active mission personnel.”

The room breaks out into instant loud protest again but Hongjoong can’t hear them above the chaos in his head. How well does Seungcheol know CAASI? Who was LEO? The CyberSynk Program was shut down by NASA years ago because they couldn't be convinced that man and robot could co-pilot a space shuttle together into deep space. They had deemed the standard built-in auto-pilot AI option was already adequate. If CyberSynk has been shut down for all these years, why was CAASI built for it?

Hongjoong can’t think straight. There’s a loud ringing in his ears that keeps him frozen in his chair but when he finally lifts his head up to look across the table, all he sees is Doctor Park’s wide eyes locking into his. 

There’s Shock. Concern. But underneath it all, determination. 

****

Hongjoong sits on a metal bench, hidden away from the main building, just breathing and staring at the expanse of dirt and dust in front of him. It was quiet, calm, not altogether unpleasant but this dusty-nothingness wasn’t really a way to live either. His brothers deserve better. 

There’s a rustle to his left that pulls him back to the present and when he looks up, he’s surprised it’s neither of the people he expected; not a smugly victorious Seungcheol or a stressed-out Doctor Park but a lanky teenager in a shirt and tie who had the audacity to look sheepish.

“Hi.” San says quietly. 

“Hey.” Hongjoong replies back, attempting a smile but knowing it comes across as a grimace, judging by the way San just stays awkwardly rooted in his spot. 

“Sorry….about your meeting. You probably had better things to do today.”

Hongjoong chuckles. “That’s what you’re sorry about? You’re not sorry about breaking a 10 million dollar NASA machine?”

San pokes at the gravel with the toe of his shoe and shrugs. “It was an old machine on it’s last legs anyway. It was going to die soon, especially with all the training we’ve been doing on it lately. That thing is older than me. Seonghwa took me to see it when I first came to NASA.”

Hongjoong recalls San’s story; of him being orphaned as a child, brought to NASA, taken in by a generous family...

Oh.

It suddenly explains so much.

“So, er, you and Doctor Park….” Hongjoong starts carefully, unsure how to really continue but really wanting to ask. San must have understood the silence because he takes a step closer, this time with a fond smile. 

“Professor Park adopted me in when I was little. Seonghwa has always been a brother to me.” The young pilot says. “NASA didn’t really like it, something about how unfair it was and they how thought I cheated my way in. Maybe I’m just good!”

Hongjoong laughs out loud at the arrogance of teenage hood. He’s heard this before because he probably said the exact same thing to Seungcheol once upon a time and earned a good cuff behind the ears. The laughter startles a smile out of San, whose shoulders relax a little. 

“Sit down.” Hongjoong says, patting the empty spot on the bench. “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

Hongjoong fixes San with a withering look. “Steal your supposed brother’s security ID to break into a NASA facility and destroy one of their training simulators.”

There’s a smile that threatens to creep onto San’s face and if Hongjoong was a better role model he’d have felt the need to scold the teenager for it. 

He doesn't.

“I just swapped it for mine when he wasn’t looking.” San replies nonchalantly, like it was something so simple a mere child could do it and in fact, did. “He’s been so focused on the mission's projects, I figured he wasn’t going to notice for awhile-”

“Wait a second,” Hongjoong interrupts. “When was he not looking? He’s always looking. He looks at everything!”

San rolls his eyes. “It’s called being obsessed and hyper fixated actually. He gets into these zones and forgets everything else. You could set yourself on fire in front of him and he might not even notice.”

Hongjoong frowns at the thought of the other man burning himself out for this mission, only to front a meeting for something he didn’t even do. And yet, as he looks at the culprit beside him, he can’t really summon up anger or blame either. Not when he did the exact same thing himself a few years ago with far more expensive consequences.

“Why did you do it San?”

The young trainee shrugs. 

“San…”

There’s silence for a minute. It’s not as uncomfortable as Hongjoong was expecting. San plays with his restless hands before finally speaking again. 

“You said it could be done. I wanted to try and do it like you showed us but it never worked. I kept getting it wrong, over and over again.” 

“You’re a level 1 trainee. You’re not supposed to be getting every simulation right. That’s not the point of the training. That’s what the exams are for.”

“Well, I almost had it before the stupid thing started smoking and dying on me.” 

Against his better judgment, Hongjoong laughs. San, sensing he wasn’t going to get scolded again, chuckles along cautiously.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” Hongjoong replies.

“Did they fire you again?”

Hongjoong shakes his head, unsure what to really say. "No, not quite."

"Oh good." San breathes out a sigh of relief. "So I didn't get you or Commander Choi in trouble? Will you still teach us?"

"We'll be fine but you got demoted San. I'm not sure who will be teaching your level now."

"I know." San mumbles miserably. "But if you had free time..."

"If I had free time and it was legally approved, then sure."

"But even if it wasn't technically legally approved-"

"You really are trying to get me fired again aren't you?"

***

It’s Doctor Park who finds them in the end.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” San replies at the same time Hongjoong nods, each unsure who the question was meant for. 

“Looks like there will be a lot of new changes soon.” Doctor Park says as he sits down on the bench. “For all of us.”

“I know.” San mumbles. “It’s so stupid I have to train with the level 2 kids. They’re so slow. I deserve to be with the level 1’s!”

“You are still a kid and you’re lucky they didn’t kick you off the program altogether.”

“I’m their best pilot!” San exclaims, looking at the only older brother he’s ever known. “Seonghwa, I was just trying to be better, I swear. That’s what they said they wanted! It’s so stupid I have to be held back for doing exactly what they wanted."

He has a point, Hongjoong thinks.

“That’s not the point.” Doctor Park says as he lets out a quiet weary sigh. It comes out so soft that Hongjoong has a hard time believing this is the same man who interrogated him a few months ago and won.

“Is….the Professor angry with me?” San asks tentatively.

“Angry?” Doctor Park smirks as he looks over. “He laughed for multiple minutes when I told him what you did. I guess breaking rules is in this family’s DNA.”

“But I’m adopted.” San points out. 

“Then it’s all my fault you’re a lunatic. You were raised by wolves and I’m the wolf mother.” 

The image of Doctor Park playing mother wolf to a wild teenage San flashes through Hongjoong’s mind and he can't to stop the bubble of laughter from escaping. They both look across at him in question and only slight judgement. 

“Um, I think we’re all to blame for this lunatic, Doctor Park. He’s been raised by a whole pack of wolves.” Hongjoong says with a chuckle. “I’m not exactly the best role model NASA has available.”

“Oh I am very aware of that.”

"No, he’s awesome Seonghwa!" San surges forward to object. "He taught me how to-“

“Anyway,” Hongjoong interrupts hastily, kicking at the teenager's foot to stop the incriminating rambling, even if he was warmed by San’s defence of him. If Doctor Park noticed, he doesn’t say anything and Hongjoong takes the opportunity to change the subject. 

“How is the professor? He didn’t come to the meeting.”

“My father was not feeling well this morning. He’s been updated on the outcomes.”

It’s an answer that is deliberately brief but firm enough not to invite any more questions. It does nothing to reassure him but Hongjoong doesn’t miss the microsecond of sadness that flashes across Doctor Park’s face, it doesn’t linger, few emotions do, and before anything more can be said, the impassive neutral mask is back on. 

“Please let him know I hope he recovers soon.” Hongjoong says.

“I will.” 

“Do you need-“

“We’re fine.”

“Okay.” Hongjoong nods, not pushing the matter. 

The air between them grows awkward, San must sense it because he’s looking between the two adults on either side of him, his prodigious mind no doubt whirring furiously as it tries to figure out the cause.

Not wanting to make it more awkward, Hongjoong stands up abruptly, nearly bumping into Doctor Park, who also stands up abruptly, both clearly having the same idea of ending this conversation but simply walking away. 

“I better get going.”

“So should we. Come on San, time to go home.”

San’s confusion clears enough for a mischievous expression to form on his face. “Can I drive?”

Both adults turn to him in unison. “NO.”

“I know how!” San cries.

Doctor Park rolls his eyes and nudges his adopted brother towards the car park. “Still no.”

“What am I going to do all day?" The teenager whines. "I don’t want to read and study anymore Seonghwa! It's so boring.”

And it’s then that the circus in Hongjoong’s brain spits out a thought he may live to regret. 

“Hey, if you want him to let off some steam, he’s welcome to join me on the farm with my brothers. We’ll be fixing some tractors today and could always use a hand. It might keep him out of trouble for awhile. Give you some peace and quiet?”

Doctor Park stops dead in his tracks, eyes uncertain but thoughtful as he considers the offer, no doubt overthinking about the 14 million possible ways it could all go wrong. Especially when San has just freshly broken a 10 million dollar government machine. 

The young criminal in question perks up like a puppy being offered a walk. 

“Wait, I can drive tractors! I know how. Seonghwa can I go?” 

“You don’t even officially have your driver’s licence yet.” Doctor Park points out. 

“Oh come on, it’s a tractor! You can't even speed in it.”

Hongjoong chooses his next words carefully, not wanting to overstep his boundaries or undermine the doctor’s parenting but if anyone knows a how to depressurise a hyperactive teenage genius, it's him.

“I have about 4 hectares of land out there, plenty of space, even if they crash. The tractors are really old and slow. My brother’s know how to handle themselves around them safely. I’ll be there to watch the whole time. I won’t let him get hurt.”

Doctor Park is silent as he looks from one pilot to the other. It's a piercing and uncomfortable gaze, heavy with both exasperation and adoration as it lands on San.

“Alright fine but I don't trust either of you with machinery right now. I will be coming along to supervise."

[foreverisntenough]

- YOU’RE MINE -

Summary: While you daydreamed about his face an ocean apart, he had no idea what yours was about to do to him. With a twist of fate and the heat of summer, a new relationship would completely ransack his heart - Everyday heavy with the thought of one another, neither of you were going to let the unexpected love of your life go. You were going to be his, you were his, and you were going to stay his.

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestive, smut love bombing, little sad, and kind of angst- not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: I hope you like it! There will definitely be more parts (don’t know how many just yet though.)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

Chapter 10 - ‘You’re Mine’

You sat on your apartment floor in a pile of your clothes. What the hell do you bring to visit a boy… in another country… for an unspecified amount of time. Lingerie was the first thing in your suitcase but like… what else?

Trent had been kind enough to organize everything for you so you really only had to lock up your apartment, he had gotten everything sorted down to a car picking you up and bringing you to the airport. You had an inkling it was more likely Tyler orchestrating the logistics but Trent was the one relaying the information to you. No matter, it was incredibly thoughtful.

He had booked you a hotel suite down near the Liverpool waterfront because you had mentioned that you had liked staying near there before during previous visits to the city. It was unsaid but assumed you’d more than likely be in Trent’s bed anyways but you didn’t want to pressure him or bother him after a match day and he hadn’t wanted you to presume this was a trip solely to get his dick wet. It also occurred to both of you that Trent lived with his family. It was comforting to him, something he loved, something you actually found endearing, and as much as you got along with his brothers, throwing you into the family home seemed like a big ask.

There were a lot of uncertainties about the trip… the most glaringly obvious, the length. You and Trent both just wanted to be back together so you hadn’t really set a return date. You were off and on your way to England tomorrow. You couldn’t exactly uproot your life for a man you hadn’t known for that long, let alone explain to your family that you suddenly had struck up a whirlwind romance with the Trent Alexander-Arnold but your return to New York was still TBD.

To be honest, your dad might be thrilled at the idea of the potential access to Anfield and return to his home country but you were a daddy’s girl so moving countries might throw him for a loop. Your mom, well.. she’d miss you but you having a boyfriend, no matter the location, would just make her life complete. That was another thing… you were so excited to visit ‘your Trent’ but he wasn’t your boyfriend really so what was this to him? You had told most people who needed to know your whereabouts that you were going to England to visit a friend, you’d be going to Liverpool for a game which you had done before… purposely avoiding the details though that seeing a player was the sole reason you were being flown out. You wanted to keep it hush until it was official with him or god forbid… if it were to all fizzle out. Your head was spinning when your best friend FaceTimed you breaking the trepidation.

“Are you even going to pack clothes?” She joked before even saying hello to you.

“Rude…. I am, but honestly haven’t got a clue what yet… I want to look good but not try too hard. I wanna be hot for him but I’ll also be with his family so the lines are a little blurry.” You began to rant, panicking. You initially had asked Trent what to pack but his response was zero help.

“You look amazing in anything… but I also want you in nothing.. so” he joked, providing no assistance during a recent phone call.

Despite everything being done for you, the trip was still a little overwhelming. The plan was to fly into Manchester, Trent insisting that Tyler pick you up because he wasn’t able to get you himself because his match was that day. Tyler would drive you to your hotel, check you in, let you settle in and then he and Marcel would grab you a bit later on to head to the stadium for the game so you could see Trent. After that…not a clue what was in store but you could only imagine it would involve little to no clothing… heavily depending on if you were able to manage to stay awake after the long day.

It all sounded so seamless but after a 7 hour flight, the idea of going to a packed season opener at Anfield and attempting to look presentable after not seeing your man for over a month was stressing you out. Trent didn’t really think that this was, rather the reunion would be exciting, fun, and romantic.

“Okay, okay… I’m thinking you have to go with basics right? Like heels, boots, a sneaker, jeans, white tee, and then obviously have to bring all the gifts and shit he’s sent you..” your best friend was trying to be practical and she was right. Just simple, like your first date, hot but comfortable.

“Yeah, okay, smart. Weather is kind of weird there… like if I need a jacket… I need to think a little more. Maybe I’ll shop when I’m there when he’s busy like at training…”

“You shop? Let him shop! He’s clearly not opposed to buying you things! Also… you’re going to the north of England not a deserted island. I hope you shop when you’re there.”

“I’m not letting him do that… he’s gotta chill with the..” you stopped your own sentence “oh my god! There’s a Selfridges in Manchester… wow I totally forgot. Ugh I can’t wait for that.” You were drooling at the idea of bringing those yellow shopping bags home, forgetting the current task at hand.

“Wow, yeah… I miss that place.” Your friend also getting lost for a second.

“Fuck! Focus Y/N.” You said aloud to yourself. “I need to pack now. I’m hanging up. You’re not as helpful as I needed you to be!” You poked fun sarcastically at your friend who had actually been helpful.

“Love you! Let me know when you you take off, land, fuck him, you know the important things” she cooed cheekily.

You managed to finish packing. An incredibly heavy full suitcase that barely zipped closed and a burgundy Goyard Saint Louis tote bag stuffed full of flight essentials; passport, charger, headphones, just the usual.

You hadn’t realized until you were in line for security rereading your ticket but you were pleased when you realized you were in first class and you had access to a lounge. You texted Trent an update as if he hadn’t planned your entire itinerary for the next 24 hours.

“Text me before you take off, baby 😘” he responded.

“I will 😘 going to see you so sooon… absolutely insane”

“Getting impatient” he texted, always managing to make you smile, make you feel wanted. So you boarded the plane, tucked into your seat with a smile and a warm feeling in your chest. You picked a movie, popped in your headphones and prayed for a safe flight and the ability to get some rest during it.

While you were in transit, Trent was busy with pre-match preparations and also ultimately getting ready for your arrival. He was so excited he couldn’t sit still, pacing around his house. He hadn’t really shut up about you over the past few weeks, more often than not talking to his mum, knowing she could keep a secret. He didn’t want to over share with his friends, teammates and brothers because he was well aware how whipped he was for you and they would no doubt give him shit. That said, he didn’t exactly hide his obsession all that well.

“I’m sorry I can’t make it to the match tonight, sweetheart” Dianne sincerely apologized to Trent standing in the kitchen that morning. She had a prior commitment she couldn’t get out of unfortunately. It didn’t really bother Trent, she had seen more minutes of him on the pitch than anyone but it also meant that it would postponing your meeting.

“Mum, really it’s fine… besides I’m getting a little nervous about who's all in the box tonight.” He said anxiously.

“You shouldn’t be nervous… you invited her and she wanted to come.” Dianne knew he was referring to you being in the box.

“I know I never say this….” Trent sighed leaning his forehead against the refrigerator door. “What if I play bad and she gets like the ick.”

“The ick?” Dianne perplexed by the term.

“Yeah, like the ick…” Trent poorly and inadvertently didn’t explain so Dianne moved on.

“Trenty, it’s just another normal night.” She tried to reassure him like he was still her little boy.

“She is flying to another country… for me.” Trent said initially with some fear but his own words actually had instilled some confidence in him. You were flying to see him. You didn’t have to do this, you wanted to.

Trent had to leave to meet with the team, start the whole process of match day so he gathered all his things, said goodbye to his mum, and made his way to the driveway. He stopped in his tracks half way to his car trying to remember if he had made his bed, hoping that tonight he could convince you to come sleep with him instead of your hotel. The thought of you back in his arms had him eager for the final whistle before kick off even happened.

You woke up with about a half an hour left in your flight. By the time you gathered yourself you had landed in Manchester. You were going to text Trent but you didn’t want to bother him as it was getting closer to game time so you opted to text Tyler letting him know you had arrived. Customs wasn’t too long but you needed a few extra minutes in the bathroom to reapply some tinted moisturizer, fix your hair, spray some perfume, it was fine for now but you couldn’t wait to shower at the hotel.

“In arrival pickup, I'm refusing to hold a sign like Trent wanted so just look for my car…black Mercedes.” Tyler texted. It made you laugh, he clearly was just being a nice brother doing Trent a favor. He downplayed his car exponentially, it was a massive Mercedes G-Wagon, not exactly subtle, it was matte black with completely tinted windows. You easily spotted it and rolled your suitcase down the pavement. Tyler got out of the car, calling your name lowly. You greeted him warmly with a sweet ‘hi’ and a big hug.

“You okay? Flight was fine?” He questioned genuinely, taking your suitcase and putting it in the boot of his car.

“Yeah, yeah all good. Airports are just so stressful so thank you for handling everything. Obviously wasn’t T.” You teased and Tyler shrugged knowing that was incredibly accurate.

You opened the car door to find a little box wrapped neatly with a bow on the front seat. You picked it up to try to hand it to Tyler like it was his.

“Obviously, it’s for you. He wasn’t going to let you arrive without getting you something… be real for a minute.”

You giggled knowing it was true. Gifts were one of Trent’s love languages for sure. You shuffled around in the seat a little awkwardly at first fumbling with the box before putting it in your bag.

“Everything good?” Tyler asked, noticing as he started to pull out of the lane.

“Sorry, just haven’t driven over here in a minute, was confused for a second.” You giggled more readjusting to the roads.

“I don’t have anything comforting to say, just the way it is, the way it should be.” He teased you.

“Sure.. whatever you say.” You poked back rolling your eyes. Being American made for easy jokes.

“I told him I got you, he won’t be on his phone today really so if you don’t hear from Trent before don’t take it personally.” Tyler spoke unprompted.

“Oh… yeah? Thanks. I didn’t want to bother him. Don’t really know anything about match day protocol I guess…. I usually am a few pints in by this point.” He laughed at your honesty.

“We'll get you a drink eventually. But after… usually best bet is to let him come to us depending on the result. I know he’s embarrassingly excited to see you though so I’ll get you to him.” He said openly not taking his eyes off the road.

You arrived at the hotel and Tyler offered to help you check in but you assured him you could manage, he already had done a lot and had to come back for you in a little so you felt a little guilty taking up more of his time. He left once you gestured to him through the window you had successfully got your room key.

You got to your room and immediately collapsed on the bed not long before springing back up and practically ripping off your clothes thinking about getting airplane germs on the fresh bed. You swiftly made it to the shower immediately.

You wrapped yourself in a fluffy towel sat on the edge of the bed, trying to remember what you had planned to wear to the match tonight. You looked at your open suitcase, beauty products now covering the counter tops, the sweatshirt you wore on the plane spilling out of your Goyard when you spotted the little box Trent had left for you peaking out.

“Oh shit” you exclaimed out loud in the empty room recalling you hadn’t opened it yet. You pulled at the ribbon, unraveling the knot opening the lid to reveal a small velvet jewelry box. You popped it open to see a gold band, it was a classic ring but it had a raised block font with the letters ‘TAA’ pressed onto it. You liked how personal it was, you liked that he wanted you to wear his initials. There was a little card with his scribbled handwriting, nothing too grandiose, just simple.

‘Your TAA xx’

You slid the ring on and you felt like your heart could burst. Getting a ring from Trent caused your mind to fantasize at what other sort of ring he could eventually buy you. Calling himself yours made you smile uncontrollably too. You threw on a tank top and shorts to lay in bed for a moment telling people back home you arrived safely in England when your screen flashed with an incoming FaceTime.

“Guess where I ammmmm” you answered while sitting up a little in the bed. Your arm wrapped tightly around your chest in excitement seeing the gorgeous boys face grace the screen. Overjoyed considering Tyler’s warning you may not hear from him.

“Baby, I cannot believe you are so close right now.” Trent said beaming.

“Weird right?!” You giggled.

“You promise you’re actually coming tonight, you and Ty aren’t just messing with me?” He sounded more serious than he needed to be. You flipped your camera to face away from you showing him your dainty hand now fitted with the ring with his initials, the Liverpool waterfront visible from the window behind your fingers. Confirmation you were definitely here before turning the camera back to you.

“Promise, pretty boy!” You cooed “Cannot wait to see you tonight.”

“You cannot wait to kiss me.” He corrected you, his eyes dropping a little lower to your chest now.

“Mmm” You hummed to get his attention knowing that your tits were on display. “Don’t you have to focus, dial in?”

“I’m focused… trust me.” Trent said lustfully before snapping out of his gaze.

“I do actually have to run but just needed to make sure you got here safely.” He rambled.

“All safe” you smiled.

“If there’s a lot of stoppage time tonight, I’m going to be pissed. Need to see my baby.” He groaned

“See you tonighttt, my T” you practically sang your smile getting bigger at the thought before hanging up. You pulled yourself out of bed knowing that Tyler and Marcel would be coming to pick you up sooner than later and you had to get ready.

You went for light makeup, your hair in a middle part and down, natural. You slipped on some promiscuous lingerie inspecting how you looked in the mirror. Once you confirmed this looked like the right set for your first night back together you put on Trent’s jersey. The warm feeling returned in your chest. You were a fan before you’d ever met him but knowing this was his, from him, it just felt different and you couldn’t suppress the butterflies filling your stomach. You pulled it tucking it up into the band of your bra, a hack you did to crop the shirt showcasing your stomach.

You chose a pair of fitted leather pants, you knew your ass looked good in them. After a long internal debate you landed on a Barbour jacket, it seemed the most weather appropriate. Frankly, your shoe choice was impractical, committing your look so you went with a pair of tan suede pointed toed heeled boots. And of course, it would only be right to bring the Chanel bag Trent had got for you. You weren’t monogamous to silver or gold so you wore both metals dripping in a ton of jewelry. Grabbing your phone from the charger you double checked you had everything and stood in the mirror analyzing every aspect of your outfit but was interrupted by the unknown UK number calling your phone. You usually wouldn’t but you answered assuming, not surprised to hear a familiar scouse accent giving you shit for running behind.

“I’m sorry!! I’m coming right now” you sincerely apologized to Marcel on the other end of the phone rushing. You walked through the lobby adjusting your outfit when the lady who checked you in earlier friendly questioned you.

“Headed out to the game tonight hun?” She asked spotting you adjust the team jersey.

“Yep!” You said sweetly with a smile but trying to hurry along as to not hold up the boys any longer.

“They are a handsome lot, maybe you’ll find yourself a player to bring back.” She said quite cheekily but it was meant with good lighthearted intentions.

“Maybe…” you said smugly, slyly, little did she know your reality.

You jumped into the familiar big Mercedes back seat you were in mere hours ago.

“You’re aware it’s a footie match?” Marcel made fun of your over the top outfit. It really wasn’t, frankly, they just were in far more casual clothes.

“Yes, I do and your opinion is not important to me. I like my outfit. Thank you very much!” You quipped teasing back.

You were thankful you’d been to Anfield before because it was actually quite overwhelming arriving. You had entered in sectioned off areas but even so the two brothers weren’t exactly walking around going unnoticed at the stadium. You could feel people staring. It was loud, bustling, and being thrust into the close circle of families and friends of players had you feeling out of place. You had made your way into a box nestled high in the stadium. It actually vibrated from the fan curated atmosphere. Opposite of you, the boys were so relaxed, they looked to be completely at home, before offering you a pint as promised. Haphazardly they showed you around the suite, the seats, where things were gradually. The noise outside only grew when the team made their way onto the pitch to warm up.

Even though he was younger than you Marcel felt like he needed to keep an eye on you. He could sense your nerves so he put his hand on your shoulder gently and guided you out of the box into the open air seats overlooking the field.

“He’s number 66.” He said facetiously pointing obviously down at Trent. Your heart nearly stopped seeing him. He was actually focused on football now opposed to your tits on FaceTime earlier, striking the ball with ease, laughing a little.

He looked so beautiful. Under the floodlights, his skin was just glowing. He had aura… god, he just radiated a coolness. He was so subtly confident, so sexy. Your finger stroked over the raised letters of your new ring settling your rapid breath. You couldn’t peel your eyes away, it had been so long since you’ve seen him in the flesh and there he was but he was still so so far away.

In a moment, the crazed environment completely faded away when Trent lifted his head, inspecting the stands, combing through faces in the box till he landed on yours. That smile. Oh my god, that smile on his face had you completely falling apart inside. He sent a quick wink your way, still attempting to keep his concentration on the game. Although small, his acknowledgement calmed you feeling more comfortable, finally taking off your jacket, admittedly slightly shyly considering you were sitting with boys who shared the last name on your back.

“Uhhohh we got a fan” Tyler jeered.

“Ugh T, you’re so sexy. Please let me be a WAG” Marcel moaned in a terrible, but equally funny, American accent impersonating you.

“I hate you both” you said with no real conviction, your eyes refusing to break from watching Trent stretch, it was hot.. you couldn’t deny it.

You had relaxed, meeting a few people, drinking and laughing with his brothers, you were having fun. The starting eleven took their positions before kick off. Trent had made his way to the back right of the pitch that was closer to where you all were sat. There was a pause, a hum of anticipation for the match to begin but in the lull Trent turned to look for you once more. He found you much faster this time, pressing his hand to his lips, blowing you a kiss pointing up to you directly. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face if you tried. It was bold, it was public, it was just for you. You were lost in the moment, looking longingly into the big brown eyes that felt miles away. You pushed your lips, pressing a kiss into the crisp air towards him. He smiled before putting his head back down to regain focus.

His brothers looked completely shocked at the interaction. Marcel’s hand gripped Tyler’s leg. They knew you two were into each other, it seemed to be serious, but never… never had they seen Trent break professionalism and do something so affectionate, not only in public, but on a massive stage. This game was at a fully packed stadium, broadcasted, spectated internationally and he without a single second of doubt was blowing a kiss to you.

The ref blew the whistle signaling the start of the match but also the start of something much more.

•

Thank you for continuing reading! DW smut will return! Let me know what you think!!!!!

Next part - Chapter 11

[gerrystamour]

on and on (nothing left here anymore) [oc fic]

Teen★OMC Ship★792 words★Complete

This is literally some of the saddest shit I've ever written honestly, and it's without any real context. It's also, in my honest opinion, some of my best writing?

This is about OC's in a mafia!AU me and my scromies have gotten brainrotted on.

Sam: mine

Dom: @patchworkgargoyle

Anyway, this is a letter written by Sam that's in "response" to a letter he received from his dead lover, Dom. You can read the letter from Dom here, written by the lovely Sav.

CW: Major character death (the major character is one of the OC's and he's dead dead, like he's not coming back), suicide ideation, grief.

Anyway, uhm, here it is?

Hey Sweetheart, 

This is literally so fucking stupid, it's not like you’ll even read this, and I know your dramatic ass is both laughing at me in the afterlife and pissed I didn't let you have the last word. Isn't that just us, though?

I reread all of our letters over the years you were away and I know your first letter back to me was probably one of your petty, shitty little Fuck You’s because I stopped sending my letters. I say sending because I didn’t stop writing them. Jesus, Sweetheart, I was so fucking in love with you, even back then. I was fucking insane about you and I knew it the fucking moment you got out of my truck at the airport.

Do you know how close I was to chasing you down and telling you? Right then and there? Jesus fucking Christ, you probably would’ve stabbed me and I would’ve deserved it for dumping all that at your feet right before you had to leave for however long your old man told you to. So, I didn’t. 

But I watched you walk into that airport, and I waited to see if you would turn around, even once, just to look at me one more time. I told myself that if you looked back at me, then maybe you were in love with me, too, and I would fucking disregard your stupid, bitchy “don’t call, don’t text, don’t visit” garbage. But you didn’t. 

You just disappeared into the airport and I had to continue on with my life as if I didn’t just fucking let one of the brightest parts walk out of it.

God, Dom, in your stupid beautiful shitty letter you said you wouldn’t change this, and that’s real big of you I guess. I’m a selfish man, though, and if I could, I would fucking rewrite it all so we weren’t doing this. You in a fucking crematorium and me more than half a bottle of whiskey into a letter to my dead fucking soulmate a dead man. We’d have a goddamn happy ending that neither of us probably deserve because I don’t want to do this without you.

And ultimately, I would rewrite all of this so that I actually told you how you made me feel. I would rewrite things so I chased after you at the airport and told you I love you, even if you would’ve stabbed me for it. I would rewrite all of this so I told you I love you all those fucking months ago when we laughed together on the sidewalk outside your apartment and then you kissed me and dragged me back inside. Yeah, I remember that, too. It was an amazing night.

I don’t know how to end this, because if I do it’s over. I’ll finally have the last word and I don’t want it. I want you to fucking be here to scoff at me, to critique my writing, to call it cliche and boring and boorish and shit. I want this to be something I’m going to put in the mail for you to open it and read it and get your fucking smell all over it because you’re fucking alive. I have your fucking cologne but it smells all wrong because it’s missing YOU, and it makes me want to die every time I open that stupid bottle. But I do it anyway because it’s the closest I’ll ever get to kissing you again.

I need to finish this, so I’ll just bite the fucking bullet and do it. I can’t write this forever because we’re having your stupid interment in a couple days before Vinny, Kez, and the baby go away. It’s a small thing, don’t worry, just a handful of us. The big one that’ll piss you off is going to happen after we deal with the shitstain that got you.

I love you, Dom, and I hate myself everyday for not telling you. It is one of my biggest fucking regrets in my life. Every single day I spent kissing you and not telling you what it meant to me will fucking haunt me forever. What could we have been if I wasn’t a fucking coward? Would the ring you gave me mean what I wish it did? And I am a coward, more than you were, okay? I knew I was in love with you for eleven fucking years and I didn’t say shit about it.

Anway, save me a spot in whatever toasty spot of Hell you’ve probably taken over. I’ll see you when I get there, Sweetheart. Forgive me for hoping it’s sooner rather than later. I told you I’m a selfish man.

Your darling,

Sam

[ READ DOM'S LETTER HERE ]

[cass-ettetape]

here’s a memoir i wrote for english. i’ve got mixed feelings about it. i’m proud of some parts, not of others. my teacher loved it though, which is funny.

a friend of mine texted me, saying he seemed a little sad during their class period, a few minutes later, i got a notification that it was graded :,).

tw: sa, abusive parenting(?), neglect, just troubled childhood stuff. i’m not sure how these work, just be careful, i suppose.

Again and Again [i hate this title lmao]

Babysitting has found its way in my after school routine quite comfortably. It’s rare that I ever need to miss school or rush home, and even rarer that it lasts more than a few hours. It’s relaxing, hardly an inconvenience.

I have two brothers, one eleven, one three. Saying I babysit the older one would almost be a lie, most times he locks himself in his room, playing video games and practically ignoring my existence, I can’t blame him, though.

The three year old, Ezra, might be the cutest kid I’ve laid my eyes on. He runs around with legos haphazardly put together in one hand, silently flying them through the air. I watch as he darts around counters, slides behind the couch, and crawls under tables, all entirely in his own world. Once he’s tired himself out, I serve him dinner. I suspect he’d eat anything, maybe I should test that. After dinner is over it’s all play once again. Eventually it comes time to lay him down for bed, and he often fights me on that fact, as if it was an insult to tell him the day is over.

The other night though, he didn’t fight me. I opened my arms and he walked right over to me. I wrapped my arms around him, and I’m almost sure I’ve never moved slower in my life. He buried his face in my shoulder, and for a second– just a second, I am almost certain I was ten years old again.

In the years of fourth and fifth grade my father was nowhere to be found. I have no way of knowing if he was stopped in his attempts to reach out, or if he simply never bothered, regardless, I found myself fatherless, and more importantly, solely and entirely reliant on my mother. I can’t count the amount of apartments we jumped between at this time. They were filled with bugs and no matter how much I tried I could never quite get them clean. The bugs mark one of the few memories I can recall the details of with any certainty.

My mother had come home from a late shift, as was routine at this time. I was at home, watching my little brother with my mother’s boyfriend nowhere to be found. As she walked in I remember smiling, sitting up from my makeshift cot on the floor and asking how work was.

“Awful,” she simply replied, setting a pizza box on the kitchen table. Papa Johns. That was the only pizza we ever got, as it was free.

I walked over and sat down, stomach rumbling. When she pulled out her chair to sit next to me she gasped. I looked down and I saw a cockroach, I looked back up to my mother, trying to gauge her reaction.

By this time, I was only learning to be aware of my mother’s reactions, and I tried my best to act accordingly, and I wasn’t always right. Every action of mine was a reaction to her. When she cried, I would hold her, wiping her tears, whispering, “It’s okay mom, it’s okay.” When she started to scream, I would clean, hoping it would distract her from finding whatever mistake she decided to scrutinize me for next. When she started to stomp around the house I’d hide my laptop, knowing she’d find a reason to take it away, just because someone cut her off on her way home or because she lost her favorite shirt.

I jumped back from the table, putting my arm in front of her, a protective gesture. I told her I’d get it as she started screaming. Versions of “Oh my God!” and “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” are all I really remember. I just looked at her, stammering and stuttering, “Mom, mom, it’s okay, I’ll get it.”

But she couldn’t hear me. Not over herself– not over her screaming. Screaming about how we were dirty and lazy, ungrateful and unreliable, how we were bad. I don’t remember much of the rest of that night.

My mother is not someone I think of with any fondness or warmth, pity is the most positive emotion I am able to let myself feel towards her.

Since my mother was the sole breadwinner (honestly with how much she made it was more akin to crumbs, but I digress, I shouldn’t be too mean after all.), I spent a lot of time with her boyfriend at the time: Ivan– or Van, as he liked to call himself. He thought of himself as some kind of rock star, some unappreciated genius, or undiscovered talent.

He wrote awful music and could barely play guitar… or bass… or drums. He couldn’t sing either, and his lyrics read to me as nothing more than Tumblr poems. I must admit though, I was a preteen, one without a reliable or present father of my own, one who craved validation from the men around me. I needed my teachers to see me as a favorite. I needed every boy to like me. I needed Ivan to be proud of me.

I begged my mother for a guitar for my birthday, and I got it. I spent every night sitting on my bed, guitar in hand, strumming until my fingers bled and my arm got sore. I formed calluses on my fingers and my posture got fucked and it was… still not enough. I wrote, and admittedly often plagarized, song lyrics to show him. I would get my praise for a day or two, but it was never enough. I needed more, I needed constant validation.

Ivan would often spend his time out of the house, coming home with a six pack and laying on the couch. He couldn’t afford these habits, there was one insance of him asking me to count his change from the center console of the car to buy beer, and of course I did. I did anything he asked, yet it was never enough. He saw himself as enlightened, as if he knew better than people; he thought of us as sheep, and he wanted to be a shepherd. I thought he was right. With how scared I was of my mother and her mood swings, I always looked to him. I spent my time sucking up so that maybe, just maybe, I’d have someone in my corner.

We spent a lot of time together; tormenting my brother, talking about life, discussing “philosophy” but the tone-deaf kind that is popular with angsty high schoolers, writing music, watching television, you name it. This relationship wasn’t appropriate, that much is clear to me now, but then, I had no idea. No safe adult shows you Rick and Morty or Bojack Horseman, no safe adult makes you drink or smoke a cigarette, no safe adult puts your phone in his pants and tells you to, “Come and get it”.

One instance I remember in particular happened on a school night. I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom, and on my way there I spotted Ivan, stumbling out of his room. He looked at me and asked, “Do you want me to carry you?”

It was an innocent question, an innocent gesture, a form of affection I so desprately needed in my life at that time, so I nodded. He bent down and told me to wrap my arms around his neck, and I did so. He picked me up, pulling my legs to wrap around him. I could feel his fingertips graze my skin, his hands wrapping around my legs in a way that let him touch the skin of my inner thigh. I rested my chin on his shoulder, my arms wrapped around him tight as he pressed me against the wall of our hallway. I felt trapped in a way I never had before, I had never been this close to another human being. I felt every inch of my body pressed against him or the wall, then I didn’t, then I did. He pressed himself against me and pulled back in a rhythm I didn’t quite understand, but that had set alarm bells off in my head. Despite my lack of knowledge in… anything even vaguely sexual, there was something about this that felt wrong. It made my stomach churn and my chest tighten, and in a panic– I let go. I fell to the floor, and he showed no resistance or attempt to catch me. When I hit the ground it was cold, and I could feel my heart beating as if it was in my ears. I looked up at him and all I could see was disgust, complete and utter distain, as if I had done something unthinkable, unforgivable.

That’s what it was like when my mother wasn’t home, and when she finally arrived after these long work days, it was never quiet. The sound of screaming, of breaking things, of crying, it was constant. After these fights he’d often leave, but he’d never stay gone. Usually he would wait until the next day to come back, but not always. Their fighting always made me anxious, it made me shake, violently, almost uncontrolably. I would spend these nights with my mother, laying in bed with her, my head on the opposite end as hers. I often fell asleep after her, the need to keep her safe much stronger than the fatigue I felt.

One night, after Ivan had been kicked out “for the last time” I was woken up to the sound of shaking, then the sliding glass door opening, it was always easy to jangle open. I shot up from the bed, my heart already racing, as if I anticipated this somehow. I approached the door, and there he was, standing right outside, waiting at the mesh, metal door.

“Open it,” he commanded. It was cold and angry, the smell of desperation almost at pungent as the smell of alcohol.

I stood there, scared out of my mind. You think we go into fight or flight, but that’s an incomplete set of options, it’s really: fight, flight, or freeze. And as I stood there, frozen, I watched him get more angry, “Open the fucking door.”

I looked to my mother, who was awake by this point, but she didn’t respond, she didn’t even look at me. I looked back toward Ivan, and he stared back at me with an expression I can’t quite identify, even to this day. His fist collided with the door, tearing the mesh away from the metal frame. I watched as he reached through the door, unlocking it. As he stepped inside I felt this sense of dread filling my chest. He grabbed my shoulders and asked, “Why didn’t you open it?”

I stepped back, almost falling due to how violently my legs shook. I wasn’t sure what to say. How does “Oh, I didn’t open the door because you’re a violent psychopath and you actually make me live in a constant state of paranoia!” sound? Not great, right? So I stayed silent. I looked at my mother and she asked me the same thing, I can’t say I understood why.

The rest of that night was just bits and pieces, as were most nights back then. I begged my mother to just agree and leave, to let him sleep here and we can go somewhere else, I didn’t care. I kept a bag packed for occassions such as these, it sat under my bed, behind the door, hidden and safe. Unfortunately, Ivan made sure leaving wasn’t an option. He took my mother’s glasses and bent them, destroying the frame and popping a lense out with how tight he squeezed. My mother cried, as she often did, in between sobs she pleaded with him. Pleaded with him not to do this to her, that these are her last pair, that he broke three already, but I don’t remember seeing him even react.

I took my mother to my room, shutting the door to atleast gain the illusion of safety. I put some more things in the bag and rubbed her back, trying to reason with her, “Mom, please, we should go. We need to leave, we can come back tomorrow. I have my school clothes, or I can skip if you want.”

But she shook her head, stating that we can’t drive without her glasses. Ivan came in not long after, trying to pick a fight. My mother sat on my bed, Ivan lingered in the doorway, and I stood in front of him. As always, my mother threw insults back, escalating the situation. Looking back now, some of them are funny, “small dick” and “bucket pail vagina” are truly juvenile insults. Ivan tried to kick her, but in his drunk state, he reacted slow, and had little coordination. I stepped in front of my mother, taking the kick instead. I didn’t flinch, but it made my whole leg ache. He apologized, sputtering “sorry” and “baby” and variations of “please forgive me”. I soothed him, like an overgrown child, “Ivan, please, just go lay down, okay? I’ll forgive you, just let me sleep. I have school, remember? I need to sleep,” my voice broke, after all no child can keep up a tough exterior for that long. He nodded, continuing his string of sorries as I shut the door. I didn’t sleep much that night.

Over and over this cycle continued, each instance the same as the last. Sometimes he would do something new, like break our car keys, or my phone, or throw things, but the end was always the same. He would come back… until he didn’t. One day, it was truly the last time. I can’t say I’m not still awaiting the day he comes back.

[faegoddessog]

 Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch. 38/41

Chapter 38: Letters from the Ice

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, talk about masturbation, separation angst,

Series Masterlist 

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only,  here there be lemons.

Authors Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes  involved here. 

Chapter 38: Letters from the Ice

8.25.2020

Hey babe! 

So, yay email! Hopefully this will work for us. :) But the internet is SO SLOW. Even with barely anyone here it took 10 min for my email to load. I am told by the winterers that trying to upload a video is all but impossible. But a picture *can* go through. Thank the local deity that we don’t have to super old school it and use carrier penguins! Yay! Well we finally made it to McMurdo. I can’t believe it’s been a whole month since I’ve seen you, well except for the phone calls in Christchurch. It feels like the band aid is really ripped off now. I’m just trying to breathe through it. I hope you are staying busy or at least distracted. I am excited to finally be here after 5 days of delayed flights as is the rest of my group. We’ve taken to calling ourselves a flock. I have no idea why. So I’ve got a room all to myself right now, but we’ll see how many people show up for the mainbody season in October, I may or may not have a roommate. So, there I was trying to get settled and I opened my big suitcase and found the books and the dark chocolate and the candles and the little bottle of essential oil blend. Fuck it smells like you. It made me cry and smile at the same time. Thank you baby. This is a classic pic me in front of the station sign. It looks darker than it was, but we only had 4 hours of sunlight and there was a storm coming. Wow, I thought I'd been through blizzards at home. This was nothing compared to what they got here! I’d send you a photo. But it’s literally just white.

I do have a confession to make. You remember that freakin’ hot phone sex we had during my quarantine? Yeah… um.. I recorded the audio, yup, every time. I’m gonna listen to your amazing voice telling me to touch myself. I think I’ll lube up my butt plug you gave me and push it into my ass imagining it’s you. Fuck I miss you. I miss your body next to mine at night and your cock in me in the morning. I love you Aus, I miss you. All the kisses for you. ~Your Kitten

8/26/20

Kitten!!!  I’m so stoked that we still get to keep in touch. Even if only over email. That pic of you in front of the sign feels surreal. I can't even tell it's you with all the layers! The landscape looks so desolate. I’m so glad you found my gifts, that’s just stuff I don’t like to live without, kinda like you. I’m not liking living without you. Although I’m STILL finding post-it notes. You little fiend, putting them in all my clothes. Makes me smile and cry too. I did get some exciting news though. Baz, as you know, has been checking up on me since you left. I really love him, he is such a marvelous soul. Anyway he told me yesterday that we will start rehearsals next week and filming is slated to start up again in mid to late September. Thank God, I gotta have something to focus on other than this empty apartment. I’m just waiting for the rest of the crew to get back in country, then I’ll be too busy to think. Also, I’m gonna talk to your Uncle Roy this week and make sure I can still stay here. Baz says the studio will give me a stipend for the apartment and I’ll just pass that along to him. That reminds me, Kate said she had not seen anything related to us from Marissa’s channel and that she would be willing to have a meeting with her, but she won’t make any guarantees. I have a confession too, I went and developed those couple rolls of film we'd taken. It was so fucking sad that you weren’t there to play with while I waited for them to dry. Anyway, You know how I wasn’t sleeping in our bedroom yet? Well, I put the photos I took of you up all over our bedroom and it finally let me sleep in there alone, although I might’ve cried myself to sleep just a little. When I woke up hard I had those gorgeous pictures of you in that black dress to jerk off to. Fuck you are hot and fuck I miss you so much. Oh my god, just reading that you are fucking your ass with my butt plug has me hard, you are such a naughty Kitten. I might have to keep track of how naughty you are and punish you accordingly when I see you next. I wish you were here to suck this hard cock right now. I think when I finish I’ll stroke myself while looking at those closeups of you and imagine your luscious lips wrapped around me. I’d send you a pic of it, but I’m terrified it could get out somehow. I love you more, I miss you terribly, only 187 more days to go.. Roughly. ~Your Aus

9.20.20

Hello my love,  So how’s things? Are you ready? I’m so excited for you to start filming again. You got this babe! I believe in you! (forehead kisses) There were satellite issues again when I tried to call you last night. I’m so sad we keep getting hosed on our phone calls. Soon you’ll be too busy to take a call from me! We are pretty solidly in the groove of our workday, that’s 6 days a week. I’m on the day shift right now and it’s been a bunch of maintenance checks and rebuilds on buildings and answering calls for service. There is a big build that got delayed due to covid, but we will be starting on that pretty soon. The food is surprisingly good. The galley really loves their themes. Taco Tuesday, Asian Nights, Sunday Brunch. The pizza is pretty good too! It’s not a woodfired oven made by the hands of angels good, but when you want pizza, it’ll do. Made a good group of friends, though we are all weird misfits here it seems. Do you remember when people had to talk to each other instead of stare at their phones? It’s like that here, since there isn’t wifi, not that it would work right. It’s amazing how old school it feels, it’s kind of wonderful. Probably sounds like torture to you my shy, introverted darling.

Most of the people here are guys. It’s like 70/30. I’m the only woman in my department, not like that’s new to me. The first day I showed up for work the foreman asked if I was in the wrong place. They tried to give me shit at first until I out-hammered them all in a nailing race. Just a dumb little competition thing. But it stopped them from fucking with me. Yeah, I know my stuff assholes! Lol! Now we are all good. Except for Joe, I do not like Joe. He just rubs me wrong and won’t let the girl thing go. We may have to have a little come-to-Jesus meeting during which I emasculate him with the claw on my purple hammer! The other women I’ve met have also been surprised by the overall disappointing behavior from some of these guys. There is a saying on the ice- “Antarctica: Full of badass women and mediocre men.” This is true. Not all the guys are that way though, some of them are nice and those are the ones that get laid. Yeah, there are a lot of hookups happening and there are free condoms, like, everywhere. No one here is as interesting or as sexy as my man though. Plus, you spoiled me with not having to use condoms. I miss your skin on mine, I miss your lips on mine, I miss your cock in my mouth. Since I don’t have a roommate yet, I think I’ll light your candle, put on the sexy music playlist we used to fuck to and add some of that EO to my wrists. I’m going to suck on my dildo. I’ll start slow just licking the tip, I’ll imagine your hand in my hair and your sky blue eyes watching every flick of my tongue. I’ll make sure my lips are good and wet before I slide it down my throat. And I’ll be fucking myself with my vibrator, the one that's curved. The only thoughts I'll have in my mind are ‘it’s your cock in my mouth, it’s your hand on my pussy, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you’. I’m gonna cum so hard, moaning around your imagined cock in my mouth, I may have to do it twice. God I miss you. Tell me more about how you jerk off to pictures of me, that is so damn hot. I’m just imagining you stroking yourself, playing with the tip a little. Damn. ~Your Slutty Kitty

 9/22/20

My bad, bad Kitty, I do not know how you do it, but are you aware of how fucking sexy you are? Even just via email you get me so riled up. How do you take the mere 26 letters of the alphabet and make them into these sexy fucking pictures in my head?! I miss my cock in your mouth too, I miss you laying out on the bed with your legs wide and my head buried between them. I don’t have anything to lick and pretend is your pussy, but I promise I will make up for it when I see you next. Oh lord I gotta go take care of this massively hard co

9/22/20

Hey love,  Sorry, I hit send without meaning to! You got me so hot I wasn’t thinking clearly. It didn’t take me long baby, I used that coconut oil from just before you left. The scent totally put me right back there with you on your knees devouring my cock. That reminds me, I need to get that dress dry-cleaned… It’s stopped smelling like you now so… I suppose it’s time. I’m ready- ish, the last 6 months made me feel like all the Elvis sunk into my bones. I’ve been working like a fiend with Baz and Polly and Irene and Erik. They have all commented on how it’s different now, more natural. My day is so full of Elvis again it’s hard to think about anything else. I’m so nervous all over again. I’m waking up at 3 again. I miss you. Not just for the sex baby, but you. You make me better. Please keep trying to call, my PA on set will have my phone when I don’t. I put one of your pics up in my trailer, btw, one of the clothed ones. I kiss my fingers and touch it every time I leave and say hello to it when I come in. People that see me do it still don't know who you are, (Baz and Tom are good secret keepers). That last article with the pics of you and I at the airport really threw them all off. I think Kate told me that the paps were searching the passenger lists for all outgoing planes to Europe that day to see if they could figure out who you were. It's fun to keep them guessing. I totally get the hooking up, happens on set too. People are people. I’m not worried about you Kitten. How’s your demon though… she doin’ ok? Getting out of hand at all… pun intended! Ok, early call in the morning. I love you so much. 160 days +/- ~ton Roi

10.11.20

My darling man,  FUCK I am still riding the high from talking to you last week! I can’t believe I caught you in your trailer too! I’m sorry I couldn’t play sexy games back with you because the phone was too public on my end. I loved you telling me how you were stroking yourself though and how you came on your stomach. I went right back to my room, to rub one out. Damn. Luckily my new roommate was at work. She asked me when she moved in why I had a pic of you and me on the wall by my desk. I told her I was in love with you. It was so funny, she sat down on the couch and started talking about you like we were in middle school. ‘ He’s so dreamy and I hear he broke up with his girlfriend and is dating a French woman!’ “was that the only time you met him?” Oh my god, it was all I could do to not laugh in her face. I’m sorry baby, I had to tell her. I hope you aren’t mad! I still don’t think she believes me, even after I showed her pictures of us (appropriately clothed of course). I appreciate you asking after that sexy bitch in my head. She is doing fine, staying on her lead. None of these people would satisfy her anyway. She’s too far gone for you. :) My daily horniness level has chilled out since I’ve not been getting fucked by you on the regular, though there are times! Oh and fun news! I’m going to be setting up a few field camps in a couple weeks, so I won’t be in touch much after halloween -ish. But I WILL be out on the literal ice. Think warm thoughts for me! At least I will get away from Joe! He is still a dick.

~your naughty Kitten (for different reasons)

10/12/20

Kitten,  Of course I’m not mad! Once you are back I want the whole world to know that you are mine and I am yours. Also, Kate set up a meeting with your cousin Marissa. I talked to her and got her info when I talked to Uncle Roy. (He still refuses to let me pay him.) Kate was impressed by her and is planning on offering her a paid internship. Love you baby, go conquer that ice! ~Aus

(Please read the following letter with a deep southern accent of yore) Twenty fifth day of October in the year of our Lord two thousand twenty My darling Austin, I pray that this electronic mail finds you healthy and hale. I have been feeling dashed about by the trials and travails of my good work here on the deep continent. We no longer are a sleepy little hamlet of a mere 200 people. Oh no! A veritable influx of learned people hath arrived, swelling our little cold town to over 800! The light has arisen indeed as we currently receive a joyful 15 hours of sunlight each blessed day. My dear roommate Tabitha seems to have accepted the love that exists between us, my dear Austin, since she overheard our delightful conversation on the telephone a scant few days ago. Indeed it seems she has spread our information to the other members of the kitchen staff as one of the good ladies asked me about it the other day as I procured my nourishment. The person in question didn’t know you, but was happy to know I was dating someone, since apparently the rumor had been circulating that I was a person uninterested, sexually that is. The very idea! My darling Austin, I shall be leaving in two days time for my quest on the ice. It will be my pleasure to erect structures providing temporary shelter from which the good men and women of science may illicit new and exciting information about this oft times perplexing world that humanity calls home. And before you query, yes, I must confess my dear Mr. Butler, I have been imbibing in the devil's drink and yes my loins still burn for you. Pray for me, dear man, that I may endure such hardships that may come and be delivered forthwith into your awaiting arms. With all my love and tenderness. Miss Kitten P.S. Sorry about drunk-as-fuck girl up there, she is just being silly. Can’t wait to fuck your brains out again! Love you -She Demon

10/26/20

Kitten,  You are so weird. I fucking love it and you. I’m so glad you are mine. Filming is so far so good. I barely have time to think, which is perfect. Also, I was eating a mango in the kitchen last night. You know how you cut the side off and score it then turn it inside out? Well, I decided just to eat it off the rind like that, instead of cut the chunks out. And all of a sudden it was like eating your dripping pussy. I am slightly ashamed to say that I dropped my pants right there and jerked off with the coconut oil. The juice was dripping down my chin and chest and onto my cock. Oh, My. God. It was the best one yet. I’ll have to do it for you (to you?) when you get back. Needless to say, a whole new world has opened up to me. I WILL be buying more mangoes. I may not be able to see one without getting aroused from here on out. I think I’ll go have the other half now…

Good luck doing bang! bang! construction things on the ice! Stay safe and warm. I’ll talk to you when you get back. Forever yours- Austin

10.27.20

Aus-  Oh, Mangoes… Damn. Now I fucking want mangoes. Freshies are like currency down here, I haven’t seen a mango though. Just so you know, that last letter was a bet between me and Tabs. We did karaoke that night and I got a little sloshed and started talking in accents. She didn’t think I would do it. Lol! I tried calling you a few min ago, but no answer. I’m leaving in an hour. I’ll email and try to call when I’m back! Oh and come to find out that Joe thought he was flirting with me the whole time, he likes me. Was about to pull my pigtails, I suspect. Boys are so weird. I confronted him and he confessed he was crushing on me pretty hard. I told him about you ( not by name) and that I wasn’t available (plus I would fucking break him). He seems to have backed off and will hopefully treat me like a person. So yay! Growth! Love you tons, Tally ho! Kitten

10/28/20

Darling,  It breaks my heart that I missed hearing your voice. I really needed it too. We filmed some gut wrenching stuff this week and I just needed you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Austin 124 +/-

 11.22.20

Sweet, sweet man, I love you too! I’m sorry you had a tough week and I wasn’t there for you. I promise after this, I will never be more than a text away from you again. I hope it’s gotten better! I’m going to try calling tonight when I get off work. Thank god I’m back though! We had a crazy, crazy time. We got caught in a freak storm at Amundsen-Scott. We were supposed to be there for like a day to get supplies and such. We ended up there for 5 days! But after that things cleared up, it was amazing. We set up 5 different camps. Everything from simple temporary polar escapes on wooden platforms to actual shelters that will have to stand up for the rest of the season if not longer. One was at a penguin rookery! They were adorable and came right up to us! Miss you love, hopefully we will talk soon! ~Kitten

11/23/20

Babe,  Those pictures with you and the penguins are unreal! I can't believe they just walked up to you. It blows my mind that anything can live down there. How are things with Joe? Did he actually change his behavior? I would say ‘do you need me to come down there?’ but I know you got this, my amazing, strong sexy beast of a woman. I hope I can pick up when you call next. Missing hearing your voice broke my heart. ~Aus 98+/- (Why is this taking so damn long! You should be in my arms.)

 12.14.20

Dear darling Austin, Thank god we got to talk last week, I was really worried about you. Digging into the pain about your mom… I just wish I was there to hold you tight, like she would’ve been. I know I didn’t know her, but from everything you’ve said, I know I would have adored her. (hugs, hugs and more hugs) I got your package yesterday! I opened it without thinking, thank god all the things in it were wrapped! Except for the mangoes… fuck baby. They are perfectly ripe right now, if a little frozen. I’m gonna go eat some mango pussy. Would you like that? watching me eat pussy….

Did you get my package yet? It might be a bit silly. But you can open it when you get it. :) We have been digging into this new building since I got back. The guys worked on all the steel pieces and I’m lead on the framing team. It’s definitely different from what I’ve been used to doing. But I’m finding that all my skills are actually helpful because I know the pieces that come next, so I don’t let the crew fuck things up for the electricians and plumbers and drywallers that will be coming behind us in the future. I miss you baby, I know we keep saying that to each other, so much that it’s like saying something over and over again and the shape of it feels odd in your mouth all of a sudden. But even though I have made great friends here and am in a routine that pulls me from day to day, it would be perfect if you were here with me. With you on my arm, no one would try to pull my pigtails! Love you with all my heart ~Kitten

12/25/20

Baby Doll,  Merry Christmas!! Babe, I did get your package, and I didn’t open in until this morning. Why would you say it’s silly? It’s amazing. You painted this? I am going to take it in and have it framed so I can hang it up. Wow. If you ever wanted to stop doing construction, you could be a professional artist. Tom and Rita have invited a bunch of us up to their place for dinner. I’m about to go get ready but just wanted to tell you that yes, I get it. Saying it gets old, but it doesn't mean we don’t feel it still. Yeah, mom would’ve adored you right back. I fucking miss you. I fucking love you. And holy fuck yes on watching you eat pussy, mango or otherwise.

66 days +/- (can we make time move faster?) ~Your own personal elf- Austin

12.25.20

Dear Austin,  Merry Christmas!! I loved your gifts, they are perfect for here! Lip balm and sunscreen and the warmest, silliest socks. That mini humidifier is sitting on my bedside table as we speak! The running gloves for under my big ones are going to be a game changer! Now I can do fiddly bits without my fingers getting cold! Although it’s a ridiculously balmy 25 degrees Celsius out there right now. I don’t even bring my red parka out right now! Today I joined the Antarctic Polar bear club. Yup I plunged into barely above freezing water in my underwear, no not the unicorn ones, I actually had some polar bear ones I brought just for this! I was nothing if not on theme! It was fucking cold. And exhilarating! But I’m not sure I want to do it again. Luckily we went right into the sauna to warm up! Love you ever so much, give Tom and Rita my love! ~Your Xmas Kitten

1/1/21

My sweet Kitten, Thank you for the phone call, oh my god I needed it. I’m feeling so worn out, even though we kinda had this week off and I’ve been just sleeping as much as I can and going to the beach with other cast members, it’s just not the same without my best girl next to me. (that’s you, btw) I wish I had you with me last night to kiss. I did end up kissing Olivia, but it was just a new years eve peck thing, plus it’s not like we’ve not kissed on set. Is that weird for you? I’ve never asked you about it. Love you so much, it hurts. I def need a kiss on my heart. 59 days +/- ~Yours, Austin

1.3.21

Austin, When I see you, you are gonna get all the kisses on every part of you. Real talk babe: where I’d like to be there to remind you what my kisses are like and reap the benefits if you get turned on, kissing on set doesn't bug me, that’s just part of acting. Didn’t Elvis kiss like all the girls in the audience? Super-spreader much? Ha! TBH, I pecked a few people too when we counted down to midnight. How do you feel about that? Wow, that looks super passive aggressive. I’m def not meaning it that way. Just wondering cuz we’ve never talked about it and I don’t think our games with Loki or ‘the guy from Brisbane’ count as talking about it! Now actually making out with someone like not for work (that’s a crazy sentence right there!)… that we’d def have to talk about. I mean… mostly because I would want to be a part of something hot like that. FOMO!!! On a different note, I sang in Icestock last night. It’s the annual McMurdo music festival. There were comedians and skits and mini plays and bands and a chili cook off! I sang a bunch of stuff with some guys, we had to rehearse on our off time but it was super fun! I had my buddy video it. I’m gonna put it on a USB stick and send it to you, just for fun! There is some other stuff on there too, just for you, including my polar plunge! God we needed a party too. The grind was getting to us all. Yeah we have 24 hours of daylight, but I never knew I’d miss the stars so much! We are about to head into Vessel Season, that means extra people in town, mostly Kiwi and US military, to help unload the massive supply ships. From what I understand we will be pulled to help. I love you baby, soon hunny, soon I miss YOUR kisses ~Kitten

 1/8/21

My darling love, Happy Elvis’ birthday! He would've been 86. We had a huge birthday cake on set today. I don’t really care about pecks like that, plus you are too French for me to get up in arms about that. I do feel the same way you do about making out. If you are gonna make out with someone, I want to be there too. If it’s a girl, I def want to be there. That would be hot. We filmed a kissing scene today between young Elvis and younger Priscilla. It really made me miss you so much. I definitely channeled our first kiss into the work. Remember, on the couch? This might be weird to say, but no one kisses me like you do. Love and miss you, 52 days +/- ~Aus

1/25/21

Kitten,  Honey, I have a confession. We were rehearsing one of the big shows where Elvis goes into the audience and kisses all the girls. I had to talk my own demon out of taking home an extra and fucking her silly. She looked just enough like you and she was staring at me all dreamy eyed when I was on stage. Then I had to kiss all these women in the audience and I was all worked up. I’m sorry babe, know that I didn’t do anything or even talk to her. But we talked about being honest with one another and I feel better with you knowing. No I’m not asking if I can do anything with her, it was just like a perfect storm to turn me on. Honestly I’ve been too exhausted and terrified to really feel horny lately, so it kinda took me by surprise. I’m so sorry if this makes you mad. Know I love you and I’m not gonna do anything to screw up what we have. ~Austin 35 days +/- (I can wait, I swear)

1.26.21

Babe,  Love you, not mad. Will respond more when I have time! ~Your best girl

1.31.21

Ok my love,  First of all, I’m sorry this took so long to reply to. It’s been so busy here I’ve not had time. Secondly, I’m not mad. You are human, despite your intrusive thoughts to the contrary. Being attracted to people is just a part of being human. It actually feels really good that you were comfy enough to tell me how you are feeling. Thank you for trusting me. I have this ideal thought in my head that I’d want to be cool with a sorta semi-permeable relationship. Like yeah, making out with a women with you would be hot… fuck I think making out with a man with you would blow my fucking mind. (would you be down for that? Kissing a guy?) But I know I’m not cool with either of us just fucking others at will, at least not when we are this far away. How could you reclaim me, or I you, when these miles exist between us? Share someone with you? Sure, but we need to actually sit down and talk about it face to face. When I'm back and we’ve talked and you and I have had our fill of one another, if that girl is game and we get along… I’m down to try it out, baby. If you are even interested in that. There are a few cute Airmen here, but my demon seems to be slumbering. Remember, the less I get the less I want it. It could also be the fucking 10-12 hour days we’ve been putting in! Which is VERY different from fucking 10-12 hours a day.  Remember our first 72 hours? Damn that was amazing. I love you baby, now and forever, Your lover- Kitten

2/4/21

Amazing woman of my dreams,  How are you so fucking cool, do you know how hard I had to work to get my other gf’s to be cool about kissing on set, let alone talk about sharing a person. This whole thing makes me love you even more. How do I feel about kissing a guy? I think it depends on the guy. But it doesn’t squick me out or anything. Honestly right now, if it meant getting to hold you in my arms, I’d do it and more in a heartbeat. And for the record, I don’t think I could ever ‘get my fill’ of you babe. I love you so much, 25 days +/- (is that fucking real, only 25 days???) Devoted to you- Austin

2.25.21

Babe,  Oh my god! I am so done helping unload and reload ships! Give me my fucking hammer and let me pound something! So I have some shitty news. Y’know how, on the phone we were talking about my departure date being end of February and being back with you by March 1st. Well, I got my departure date, it’s not until March 10th, and I can’t move it up. They even offered me a bonus to stay overwinter, but I declined. As cool as it’s been I need to get off the ice and into your arms. So I won't be back on the Gold Coast until March 12th at the earliest. I don’t know if I have to quarantine. I have to arrange for my stuff to be shipped to Greece in that time as well. You say you have to leave for London mid March. I’m freaking out that I might miss you. I’m gonna try to call tomorrow so we can talk about it. Fuck this sucks, Love you so much ~Kitten