#god i spent way too long on this.... kms

[holdmytesseract]

Ohh well hello there bestie ✌️ My request for you is…

Will Ransome having to visit London and attend a party where he meets Reader and they share a dance (and maybe more 😏).

Hearts Aflame

Will Ransome x fem!Reader

Summary: Will gets invited to London for the engagment party of a very good friend. What happens when he meets you again after ten long years?

Warnings: thirst, suggestive smut, mentions of alcohol, age gap, fluff?

Word Count: 3,8k

a/n: It was so much fun to write for Will again. I hope you are going to like this, bestie! 🫡 Thanks for the request! 💖

Tags: @lady-rose-moon @muddyorbsblr @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @jennyggggrrr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @evelyn-kingsley @vanilla-daydreaming @loz-3 @fictive-sl0th @lovingchoices14 @lokidbadguy @icytrickster17 @lulubelle814 @mandywholock1980 @november-rayne @chantsdemarins @simping-for-marvel @lou12346789 @lokiforever @multifandom-worlds @hisredheadedgoddess28 @vbecker10 @jaidenhawke @km-ffluv @crimson25 @cakesandtom @buttercupcookies-blog @salvinaa @javagirl328 @dustychinchilla74 @frzntrx @coldnique

Masterlist °☆• Hiddles Masterlist

It was a rather cold autumn day in Aldwinter. Dark rain clouds hung all over the sky; ready to let the rain pour, causing Will Ransome - vicar of the cosy, little village to make bigger steps towards his home. He had taken the dog on a walk and was now fleeting from a threatening downpour, looming in the sky. The vicar's chocolate brown Cocker Spaniel had to run, in order to keep up with his master's big steps.

"Come on, Pup, come on. I don't want to get wet - and you neither. I know you."

But unfortunately, the weather didn't show mercy on them. It literally started to rain pitchforks, when the duo was only a few minutes away from their home. Hence, Will was already able to see it in distance. Nevertheless, it didn't help. Just like the running. When they reached the small house, dog and owner were soaked to the skin; clothes and fur literally dripping.

As fast as somehow possible, Will unlocked the door to let himself and Pup in. The moment the wooden door fell into its hinges, the vicar threw his coat on the coat hook to dry and immediately hurried to get a towel, before Pup could- Too late. Will was sprinting down the stairs; towel in hands as he witnessed how the dog shook off the water, causing the droplets to land everywhere. Will sighed in defeat, shook his head and made his way over towards the Cocker Spaniel. "You couldn't wait for another second, could you?" Pup just huffed and looked at him apologetically. "You are a bad boy sometimes, but I love you nonetheless, you fluffy little creature."

After rubbing the Cocker Spaniel's fur completely dry with the towel and also cleaning up the water on the floor, Will went upstairs to the bathroom, in order to get dry himself.

He unbuttoned his wet shirt first, then slid the suspenders off his shoulders, so that he could take off the usually puffy garment as well; leaving his torso bare. After getting rid of his brown trousers as well, he went to rub his long, blonde-brown curls dry, just like his whole body. Once that was done, he slipped in fresh clothes and decided to head back downstairs, where his faithful dog waited for him - with a piece of paper in his mouth?

Will frowned and squatted down; "What do you have here, buddy?" and took it from Pup's mouth. It was a letter - like the vicar recognised. A letter from someone he hadn't heard of in a long time... An old friend from London. Henry Carter. They used to be best friends; even went to school together. Will spent the most of his youth with him. But someday their ways parted, when Henry decided to become a lawyer and Will a man of God.

With a smile and full of anticipation, the vicar sat down on his little sofa and opened the letter.

Greetings, my old friend!

I sincerely hope that you do remember me. After all, it's been quite a few years since the last time we saw each other. Just know that I never forgot you - and with this letter, I would like to invite you to my engagement party. Yes, you read that right, my friend. I found a lovely, wonderful woman, who is very eager to meet you. So, if you have the time, my fiancee and I would be overjoyed to welcome you in London next Saturday.

I hope to see you soon,

Henry Carter

Will's smile widened, as he put the letter back inside the envelope. Oh he'd certainly go to London next weekend.

A week later, the vicar's feet touched, indeed, London ground again - since years. He didn't want to admit it, but it felt good to leave Aldwinter for a while. Even if it was just two days. It was a break he didn't know he needed.

At the train station, he was already awaited. By a man Will only knew too well - and a strange woman who stood beside him. The man smiled brightly as soon as he recognised the vicar and met him on the way.

"Will?" Henry asked; quite a bit surprised. Will smiled and started to nod as well. "Hello, old friend." A breathless laugh left the lawyer's lips, before he went to hug his school friend; clapping him on the shoulder. William returned the gesture, of course; was just as happy.

"You've changed, Will!" Henry stated, after paying his appearance a closer look. "I did?" "Yes! Look at you! You've grown! You were always tall, but never that... muscly... Even got a beard now! And your hair is way longer than in my memories." Will chuckled at his friend's assessments. "Well, I suppose I have... But you, my friend, you didn't change at all!" That caused the man to chuckle along Will, before they both went silent for a moment.

"It's so great to have you here and see you again. There've been times where I thought I'd probably never see you again, but here you are..." "That thought crossed my mind a few times, too, my friend. I wanted to write you a letter and somehow contact you, but I didn't know where you lived now. Still with your parents? Perhaps not even in London anymore... I didn't know."

Henry placed a hand on Will's shoulder. "You couldn't. I stayed at my parents for another year, but then... Then I met her." The lawyer turned and looked at the woman, who still stood a few meters away from the reunited friends; smiling softly. "Come on, I want you to meet Eva." The men smiled at each other, before they both made their way over to said woman.

"Eva, darling... Let me finally introduce you to Mr. William Ransome." Henry gestured at Will, "Will... This is my beautiful fiancee Eva." then at Eva. Will smiled and stretched out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Eva." She took his hand and allowed the vicar to bestow a decent kiss on the skin of her hand - a gentleman to the core. "The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Ransome." "Will... Please call me Will."

The remaining afternoon was spent with Henry and Eva showing Will around in their quite big house, letting the vicar unpack his things and teatime, of course. A lot of conversations were shared. When the wedding is, how the couple met and so on. For Will, it was about getting to know the woman his dear friend married - just like it was for Eva to get to know her future husband's friend.

In the evening, after dinner, Will and Henry decided to go to a local bar, in order to celebrate their reunion. Despite that, they still had quite some catching up to do.

Now they were seated in the bar; both with a glass of beer in hands. "So... Tell me, friend... How is Aldwinter?" Will smiled. "Well... It's a small, cosy village. The people are great. I love to live there and being a vicar. I came to think that this was what Aldwinter needed... A vicar. The people trust me and I appreciate that a lot." Henry nodded and smiled as well, "That's great to hear, honestly." before he took a sip of his beer.

"Do you have a own house or do you live in the church?" "It's 'just' a chapel and too small to live in. I have a own little house. You can come visit sometime. You and Eva of course, if you'd like to." "Sure, why not. We'd love to." Henry paused for a moment; let Will drink some of his beer as well, before he fired the next question at him.

"A little house... And you live there... alone?" Will noticed immediately what Henry was insisting. It wasn't quite subtle. The vicar looked down; fingers nervously tapped against the glass of beer. "Yes, I... I live there alone - with my little dog, Pup."

Opposite him, Henry raised an eyebrow - unbeknownst to Will. "No woman?" His friend shook his head. "N-No." The lawyer copied his gesture. "How is that possible, William? When I think back to our youth - our time in school, almost every lady had laid her eyes upon you. They would've all wanted you. You can't tell me that this has changed." He stated; drinking again.

Will shrugged his shoulders; gaze lifting again. "I really don't know, Henry, I... I just haven't found the right woman yet. But I trust in god to send her my way when the time comes." Henry reached over to clap his friend on the shoulder. "Well, I trust in that too, then. Just know that you are not getting younger. It's time for you settle down, you know..." "I do know, yes..."

Silence spread between the two man; both of them thinking about the exchanged words for a moment. A small laugh left Henry's lips then. "I can't quite believe I reached this milestone before you." Will couldn't help but to chuckle as well. "Me neither, honestly."

The two friends continued to talk about anything and everything, until one specific topic suddenly came up... You.

"Who else did you have invited for the celebration who I might know?" Will asked with a smile. "Other old school friends?" Henry shook his head. "No, I didn't. Apologies. My parents would've loved to come, but they said they're feeling too old for such a party. I accepted their wish to not attend." He paused; took a sip of his beer. "I think the only other person you know is my little sister, Y/N. Do you remember her?"

Will's eyes widened at the mention of your name. Of course, he remembered you! He had seen you often back when he was younger and hanging out with Henry. Will always thought of you as Henry's sweet, little sister - since you had been still a child. Well... A very young woman, to say it right. The vicar quickly calculated in his head. He was about twenty-two that time. Henry was just as old and you... You were fourteen, which means that you were now... twenty-four. A grown woman.

"Yes, yes, of course I remember her. She was still very young back then." Henry nodded with a chuckle. "She was, indeed... But not anymore. She has grown, my friend. She's not that sweet, innocent girl anymore... Y/N's a woman now. You're not going to believe your eyes when you see her again. I bet you won't even recognize her." Will smiled; drank the last sip of his beer. "That is most likely going to happen. After all, it's been ten years..."

Henry should be proven right...

A sigh left your lips, as you grabbed another glass of champagne, before you hid yourself in one of the corners; exchanging several more fake smiles on your way there.

You were bored. Utterly bored.

It wasn't like you didn't want to be here, at your big brother's engagement party, no, but the problem was that you knew everybody here and had talked at least twice to all the people. Too many familiar faces - and the most of them not your age.

You barely finished to think that thought, when your eyes suddenly spotted a strange man in the crowd. You narrowed your eyes; gaze sticking on him as he got greeted by your brother. He was tall. Way taller than Henry. His hair was long and curly; coloured in blonde-brown. His cheekbones were high and sharp - like you could tell. A soft scruff was covering his cheeks and chin, and you could swear that he had blue eyes. You bit your lip. That guy probably was the most handsome man you had ever seen.

Now you were intrigued. Henry owed you some explanations. From where did he know that tuxedo clad gentleman?

As if Henry heard your thoughts, you could see him making his way over to you - and he seemed to be very excited. You could tell.

"Y/N!" He called out your name in a cheery voice. "Y/N, you have to see someone!" Henry grabbed both your hands; smiling brightly. You lifted an eyebrow, "Is it your mysterious new friend you kept from me?" and nodded towards the man, who was currently talking to Eva.

Henry followed your gaze - and started to laugh. "He's not my mysterious new friend I kept from you. In fact, you know him. Very well might I add." You frowned; were quite a bit confused now. Sure, you thought he looked somehow familiar, but played it off as a coincidence. Now, after your brother's words, though... But from where could you know- "Do you remember my childhood friend Will? William Ransome? Well..."

Your eyes widened the moment those words left your brother's lips and for a short moment, you felt like fainting, as your heart rate sped up. "You are fooling me, brother! This is Will?!" Henry laughed once more; nodding. "I kid you not, sister." He turned around to Will, shouting: "Hey, Will! Would you come over, please?"

Will's head turned with a smile, and before he walked over to join you and your brother, he  politely ended the conversation he had with Eva.

Your heart threatened to burst inside of your chest, as you watched the tall man stepping closer - and when he spoke your name, everything froze in time around you. "Y/N..." His voice sounded exactly like you remembered it. Deep, yet smooth like velvet. Being the gentleman he was, the vicar stretched out his palm for you to take. Wordlessly, you complied; placed your hand in his and letting him brush a soft kiss on your knuckles. Your knees almost buckled.

"It's has been such a long time, I... I don't know what to say! It is a pleasure to see you again." Will's gaze met yours, causing you to get lost in his eyes; drowning helplessly in those oceanic blues. Up close, he was even more handsome. What an attractive man he had become... You definitely needed a moment to recover.

"I find myself being just as stunned, Will. It is great to see you as well. After all, it has been over ten years!"

Henry left you and Will alone to talk then; having other guests to tend to as well. And while you talked about how your life had been in all those past years, Will wasn't able to tear his gaze apart from you...

You've aged - but in the best way possible. Henry had been right. You weren't the young girl anymore he used to know. You had grown into the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Countless conversations and another glass of champagne later, Will had asked you to dance with him and how could you say no to that? How could you deny him this wish? You gladly accepted; feeling all the old feelings you had harboured for this man in your youth reappear. Everything you thought you had buried deep within you re-emerged; causing your heart to beat faster whenever he looked at you. It was like not even a day had passed since you last saw the vicar. Like the time had just stopped for the both of you. There was a tension between you and Will. A sizzle. A spark; ready to burst into flames at any moment. It was thrilling. Exciting. And yet also a bit intimidating.

It was already late at night, when you decided to bid your goodbye and leave. Will, being the gentleman he was, offered to accompany you home - something Henry was very grateful for. A young lady walking home alone in the dead of the night through the streets of London? Unacceptable.

In what Henry and probably also Will saw a kind favour, you saw a chance. Perhaps the only chance you'd get before life ripped Will out of your sight once more...

"There we are..." You announced; stopping in front of a tall, slightly decayed brick house. The dim street lamps didn't provide enough light to illuminate the whole street, but enough that you were able to make out the handsome features of the man standing in front of you in his black tuxedo.

"That is the house you are living in?" You nodded with a smile. "Yes, it is." Will shook his head, as a soft chuckle rumbled through his chest. "It's so much bigger than the little cottage I live in." You had to giggle as well. "Well... London isn't Aldwinter, Mr. Ransome - and besides, I don't live alone in here. There are several apartments." Will's cheeks reddened slightly. You could tell. "Right, of course. Apologies." You just smiled at him, before an unpleasant silence spread over the both of you. The tension was still there. Just like the spark; setting almost the night air aflame. You better make a move now or let him walk out of your life once more - perhaps for all times, a voice in your mind whispered; urging you on. Probably it was your heart speaking to you.

You took a step back and leaned against the wooden main door; crossing your arms behind your back.

Will noticed the shift in your demeanour immediately; gaze stuck on your face for a long moment, before he literally forced himself to look away.

"Y/N... Don't..." His words were nothing more than a whisper.

"Whatever do you mean?" You retorted; innocence swinging within your voice.

Will shook his head softly. "Don't look at me like that. Please, don't give me those eyes." You bit your lip; releasing a hand from behind your back to slowly place it on the vicar's chest. "Why?" You breathed; toying with the buttons of his pristine white shirt.

Will swallowed hard. "Be-Because it's wrong. We... We shouldn't do..." Before he could finish his sentence, you had pulled him towards you; his feet following your command. His words died in his throat, when he watched your soft, plump lips inching closer to his - until the contact was inevitable. Your warm lips caught his in a hesitant - almost shy kiss.

Unfortunately, it ended way too soon, as you pulled back after a mere few seconds; leaving him aching for more. Will didn't even notice how he was chasing after your lips in a desperate attempt to keep them locked to his. And nevertheless, his mind was still trying to talk sense into him. "... do this." He ended the sentence in which you had interrupted him oh so rudely.

You could hear how hard he swallowed. "We... We shouldn't, Y/N." Will reasoned; gently taking your hand in his bigger one. You watched his palm swallow yours whole, as he moved your hand away from his chest. The moment he dropped your hand caused a cold shiver to run down your spine; followed by an aching pain. You didn't want to loose his touch. Ever again.

You shook your head; hand hovering over his chest once more. "Why, William?" The vicar took a deep breath. "You... You are the little sister of my best friend and-" "And?" "And you are so much younger than I am. You're a precious flower; not meant for me. I... I don't want to ruin you."

"What if I want you to ruin me?"

Your feelings and desire for the older man opposite you spoke faster than your brain was able to react.

Will blinked; clearly couldn't believe your words. "W-What?"

"Will... You were the first boy I fell in love with; ten years back. At first I thought it was foolish and youthful behaviour of my body, but then... Then you'd come around to spend time with my brother and... And I knew it wasn't. I had fallen head over heels for the best friend of Henry. Of course, I was way too shy and young to tell you. It was my secret." Will's eyes had widened; oceanic blues looking at you. Stunned.

"When you left, I buried my feelings for you. I thought they would stay buried, but when I saw you again, today... You already ruined me for every other man to come, Will." Shock and disbelief was written all over the vicar's face. He hadn't expected this to happen. Not at all. He didn't know. How could he?

"I have always wanted you." Those words were again merely above a whisper, but they urged to his ears nevertheless. Again, you let your palm rest on his chest; feeling his heart beat rapidly against his chest. Will gasped at the combination of your words and touch. He still couldn't quite believe it - and the rational part of his brain still tried to appeal to his conscience.

"Y/N, it..." He started to shake his head once more. "It wouldn't have been right. You were not even fifteen! It would've been wrong! For us to love each other and for me to take such a young woman's innocence!" Will inhaled deeply; running a hand through his hair. "By god, I... I was twenty-two! Don't you see how wrong it was?! How wrong it still is?!"

You honestly didn't understand what his problem was. It may have been wrong ten years back, but now?

"That may be right, Will, but..." You let your hand linger on his left pec for a moment, before you let your palm travel lower. And lower. And lower. Will's oceanic blue eyes followed your every move; widening when your hand settled on the zipper of his black trousers. "... you can take it now. I'm not a young girl anymore. I am a grown woman. Please... Don't deny me."

Your words send a shiver down Will's spine. A warm - almost hot shiver. The ends of his nerves sizzled and he could clearly feel the arousal start to grow within the pit of his stomach. Especially when he looked at your lust blown eyes; sparkling underneath the dim light under the street lamp.

Then you undid the zipper - and he felt a throb; something undeniably twitching alive. How... How in the Lord's name was he supposed to resist this temptation?

The answer to this question was found quickly... "Please, Will... Please..." You almost whispered; eyes full of desire, love - and want.

He couldn't.

Shaking hands reached for hips; pulling you swiftly closer. You stumbled against his chest - and before you knew what was happening, you felt Will's lips upon yours. This kiss was anything but innocent. It was fierce, passionate, demanding.

Somehow, you managed to open the main door and together you stumbled inside the house; lips - and hearts intertwined.

The world around the vicar stopped to spin when you sank together in the deepest oceans of pleasure. All he could feel was you.

[barrenwomb]

Im going thru It (21 years old n in university n failing), anyway how are u marti?

who doesn't go thru it at 21, honestly. my 21 yo brother just texted me "i attended my first class in MONTHS and i don't want to kms today 👍" and i was like yaaaay because being is your early 20s is the same for everyone. i realized it not a long ago. you think you're struggling way worse than your peers and it's simply not true. ask a bunch of your classmates if they ever think of running into traffic and they'll all give u the same answer. it gets better. my brother watched me being at my LOWEST at his age so when i tell him it gets better he kinda believes me. thank god. university sucks. i wanted to study italian literature and philosophy, then i wanted to learn russian and mandarin, then i went to law school and dropped out after a semester, then i became a nurse. who cares. i wanted to kill myself while in nursing school, too. you think you're sooo grown but you're actually a kid. living with your parents sucks. you don't own them anything btw. ur 21, you should be at the club. it gets better. i'm doing great btw! spent my early 20s taking so many antipsychotics i lost count and now im unmedicated and thriving!!!!!!!! u think being a teenager sucks until u hit 21 and gain 27 different mental illnesses. then one day you wake up in your mid/late 20s and can't believe u used to feel batshit insane and hopeless 24/7 lol the cycle of life. kisses u on the forehead

[bebx]

hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY

but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.

i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol

AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.

god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end

hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!

it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.

and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.

[horrorsequel]

KYLE DO NOT READ THIS VENTURE BROS SPOILERS

Sorry saw image of Malcolm and blacked out cos like okay. He found out uh his dad was a robot and then fucking immediately watched that robot die. Huh whuh and never said shit abt it. I’m fucking fine and normal for sure I definitely am not going to be thinking abt this so much that I already started writing aNOTHER fic last week to deal with it. Cos I’m fine.

God I’m so fucking cringe ass …28 year old writing fanfic. About cartoons. Ugh kills dies maims

ANYWAY fucking uh okay. Dad was a robot dad was turned into a robot by the dad of the guy u spent ur entire career trying to thwart. All this shit started before u were even born. There was no choice for u. Ventures are your enemies ventures were ur dads enemies Jonas killed ur dad BOTH TIMES. and can u even feel anything about it except the same thing you always felt which is just wishing u had known him. But u never did. How much do u remember. Ur life with him was so short and he wasn’t a,ways around and u lost him in such a traumatic incident that also took ur mother and it’s like how much of ur life before that got blown out of ur brain by that. It would have been hard to remember anyway HOW MUCH DO U REMEMBER MALCOLM. what other relatives were there? Like after the summer of the monarchs. U got ur money but like what else did u get? Cos the house was fucked up lol how long was it abandoned. And like who took care of him. Staff? Did he have a little boy king lord of the manor thing going?

Idk I’m freaked and fricked we never hear Malcolm talk abt his mom and he says very little abt his dad and it’s all very sort of like… does he talk abt him like that cos he doesn’t like thinking abt him for the obvious reasons so it’s easier to put emotional distance there or does he talk abt him like that cos there really is emotional distance cos he doesn’t fucking remember the guy anyway so who cares

And then there’s uh. “Daddy?”

And that’s too much. I want to throw up. His dad… his daddy. He was so little. AUGH KMS why do I give a shit.

Idk I like the monarch a lot. I don’t wanna whump him or whatever I know it’s maybe a little annoying to think so hard abt the hidden inner thoughts and emotions of a silly little guy esp when his main thoughts and emotions are all defined by trying to fuck up the life of a bald idiot but yeah. Idk family stuff always fucks me up hence why I got into vbros in the first place.

[b4n3n4]

I've vented a bit on a public server, I shouldn't have done that, but ill vent here, this is not in any shape, or form praise to my awful ex crushes, I hope those 3 actually get tortured for Infinity in hell, especially you, you know who you are, and I know you still stalk this page.

Sometimes i miss when i was at my "lowest" objectively I guess, mentally I felt happier somehow, kind of go lucky feeling, if nothing matters nothing can hurt you, I've never talked about the boys I've liked before on this page, they were 3.

I can say my first crush was probably who made me this way, he was cold with everyone, rude, misogynistic and violent, that was the first boy I've ever liked at 12, he was different, never met anyone like him before, other seemed like cowards, unable to be authentically themselves, he introduced me to gore when I was 12, way before I even knew porn was a thing, I started to cut myself around that age, he would always ask me to see, to touch the cuts, I felt like he understood me, what I wanted to say or do he said and did, when I didn't like someone I would keep it to myself, but he would be as ruthless as he wanted, pure neutrality, I fell in love quickly, would spend whole classes looking at him, how smart he was, how charismatic, well now I can see he was just a sociopath literally but at the time he was like God to me, ill never forget his smirks when I would show him my cuts or the big smile I gave him when he fell down while playing fight with a friend and made a huge scratch in his whole stomach, showing me it proudly.

i spent a year madly in love with him and lost about 14 kgs although I couldn't diet at home, I would just start to purge my food at home and fast during school, one day I discovered that although we never dated he was using me as rebound, and somehow the love broke off that day, I had nightmares with him for about 5 years after

2 years later i met my irl ex, quiet kid in class that one day said some stupid misogynistic joke and I laughed and we bonded, showed me theync, would say I was disgusting for not being as good as him in class, basically an incel when I met him but that was the part I liked, once he started to become softer with me I lost interest quickly but we stayed together as I was waiting for him to change to his before self, we broke up because he would go through my messages, make me give my phone every time we were together etc, I hate insecure men, we were together for 4 years and during all those years I would have nightmares with the first boy.

WORST ONE SO FAR, so, as im a fucking loser and don't have friends I was searching for servers on 4chan and found one lmao, owner dms me saying he wants to kill me and he's the only dude I replied to in months, lies to me, never shows his face, uses me for my body, blackmails me, etc, but somehow because I was lonely and thought I was gonna km I let that slide for a year, also I liked how fucked up he was, then he turns too nonchalant and soft for my liking, teenage girl kinda texts and I ask to break up, we fought ALOT before also, I seriously he khs because every day I find out more lies, like sending fake plushie pic (saying he got them for me) then finding those pics in a 2016 website, ALSO said he sent fake pics the first time but then that they were real the second time (gaslight and lies because they weren't) calling me insane and obsessive for not believing him, erm okay, hope you die

WELL long rant but yes during those 3 boys I relapsed, in self-harm and gore, and also lost weight with every one of them, my boyfriend who is the sweetest kindest soul on earth, and although I thought I would be interested in him at the beginning because of his scary appearance turns out I can love someone who treats me well, but sometimes I wish I was as strong as before, I feel like nowadays everything is too easy on me and I've become too soft, its been like 3 weeks without cutting and I miss it often, I miss feeling so grossed out by everyone I would hide myself in the bathroom watching gore, I miss not caring for tomorrow or what happens to me since I knew I was going to die soon, I miss it, why am I so soft nowadays, I'm supposed to feel happy I am "getting better" but feels like my destructive mindset before actually made me happier

[dalanmendonca]

Fresh off the plane — My Yelp review of the USA

 Spoiler alert — it’s a solid 3.8 

My context

In August 2021, I moved to the USA in an attempt to put paid to my long-distance relationship, which like many things that began in 2019 had gone on too long). Things worked out — a new job and 2 visa changes later — I was reunited with my lover and became an official resident of San Francisco.

Changing countries is a monumental shift in lifestyle. Some even proclaim that “Geography is destiny”. From small things like how much to smile in photos to serious things like access to healthcare, the cards in the deck are different everywhere.

In India, I’ve spent 30 years growing up in Mumbai (née Bombay) and working across Hyderabad and Bangalore. While in the US, I’ve lived for about a year exclusively in San Francisco. Most importantly, I’m also a tall, handsome, well-educated, near perfect man (or so sayeth me my mom and wife). So, my experiences might not resonate with everyone. I write this for the pedantic joy of chronicling my new life and contrasting it with the past. 

Now, on to the promised Yelp review.

The Good

Public services are amazing — I got my SSN (the de facto ID in the USA) and learners license in a breeze. Visiting the DMV was mildly chaotic but my work got done decently fast given the queue. No bribes or middlemen were needed. Relatedly, I was stunned when I saw the San Francisco Public Library — you can barely get access to such a well-resourced library even if you paid in India. 4.5/5

Systems — The idea of systems permeates life much more in the US. One example is traffic. We have traffic rules in India too, but nobody follows them. So, drivers and pedestrians (and cows and elephants) are in constant negotiation making things slower for everyone. In the US, because everyone obeys the traffic lights, cars can go faster and drivers don’t suffer random interruptions. Pedestrians can safely cross as long they do it at the correct time. There is order here, while India breathes chaos. This also means my commute is ~100% predictable in the USA whereas 5 kms can suddenly take 1.5 hours in India. People generally seem more law-abiding too. 5/5

Consumerism Olympic gold — If consumerism was a sport, USA would triumph harder than Michael Phelps. From Walmart to CostCo to BevMo, the USA is littered with stadium sized retail experiences and American consumers are blessed with choice. The depth and breadth of items available is staggering. The average Safeway here has more varieties of booze than most cities in India. From cheap Chinese stuff to boutique shit to luxury brands, it’s all here. You can try the same searches on Amazon.com and Amazon.in to experience the difference. 4/5

Weather, national parks and natural beauty — This was a real surprise to me. The USA has immense ecological diversity and does an amazing job in to protecting it through national parks. The national parks are well-maintained, have rangers patrolling for public safety, offer a good escape from urban life and a chance to see stunning natural beauty. I had my breadth taken away when saw a sky full of stars on a clear night in the Colorado sand-dunes. Almost started believing in God again. Coming from smoggy Bombay, I can literally see and smell the cleaner air here in California. 5/5

Insane economic prospects — Both the breadth & and depth of economic opportunities in the USA is staggering. Hollywood, Silicon Valley, Wall Street, and Area51 👽, they’re all here. For 99% of fields, India lacks depth. Even in my domain of software where India has made some head way, most Indian companies are operating at the application layer, while the deeper domains like operating systems, etc. don’t have as many players or people. 5/5

The Meh

Food — American food is … pizza, burgers and coke? American companies have been a wee bit too successful at exporting it, so there’s no novelty eating what I can eat in India too. Obviously, the depth and quality of said foods is much better here. I deeply appreciate my access to many choices and varieties of steak. I also appreciate the beef isn’t banned here (unlike my home state of Maharashtra). That said, American food doesn’t hold a candle to the depth and breadth of Indian food. If the “7 wonders of the world” was a list about food, all 7 would easily come from India. Indian food is one of the things I miss the most. A big chunk of Indian food culture revolves around much small shops and street food vendors. They are the lifeblood of urban India. Whether you want a filter coffee and dosa to start your day, or a cup of ginger tea for an afternoon slump, or a quick vada pav as you commute back home; the streets of India have your covered. I’ve hardly seen anything of that sort in the USA. 2/5

Car driven landscape — India’s biggest retail unit is the kirana — a neighbourhood shop that sells everyday goods. There are millions of them, they’re everywhere and within walking distance of most residences. Heck my last house had a full store inside our complex (quite common in India). I was shocked when I found out that many USA complexes have nothing of that sort. There is nothing at walking distance and you have to pull out your car and drive for buying that packet of milk you might’ve forgotten. Living in American urban landscape feels like watching humans scavenge in the remains of an ancient city where cars used to live. 1/5

Urban aesthetics — The whole country looks like a dilapidated grey coloured blob. The road infra is old. I feel as if there was a construction boom some decades ago which suddenly stopped, and everything was put in maintenance mode. I did praise Walmart and CostCo for choice, but visually they’re literal grey soulless boxes. Mumbai has the gaping contrast of high-rise residential building and the world’s most expensive residence towering over middle-class homes, shanties, and slums. San Francisco neither has the towers nor the slums, it does have a smattering of homeless people though. The building heights in San Francisco are so low, squinting a little I almost feel I am in 1822 instead of 2022. 2/5

Personal space — This is a mixed bag and cuts both ways. In the US, while people are very sociable and polite, they maintain their distance, keeping work & life separate. Conversations are often superficial. In India, it won’t take 5 mins for someone to ask if you’re single, how much you earn, and try to set you up with their cousin for marriage; and then 5 mins later do that with person next to you. I like the personal space in the US. However, one downside of that is making new social connections becomes harder. 3.5/5

The Bad

Ridiculous financially optimized healthcare system — India has the classic health care problems. Not enough doctors, shitty facilities, poor people who can’t afford treatments, etc. I belong to a fortunate class of urbanities in India that can access & afford private health care, facing much fewer of these issues. You can book appointments online or just walk-in to the nearest doctor. The USA healthcare process is convoluted to put mildly. No one asks what your problem is, they want to know what your insurance is first. I had a moderately painful toothache and after calling 10 doctors and failing (either no reply or rejected because of insurance issues), I finally got an appointment for a week later. Jeez. God forbid if I had a more serious issue. Procedures are wildly overpriced. I think I paid $100 for a dental X-ray which would’ve cost $2 in India (at most). I find it appalling and absurd that this is the status quo in the same country that excels in medical R&D. That said, the USA has amazing emergency services that are super-fast and effective. In India, you’re on your own. -1/5

Drugs — There are entire blocks of San Francisco full of spaced-out junkies, swimming in trash, with needles and shit around them. This was scary and surreal to me. I work on Market St, an arterial road in San Francisco which after 10 pm transforms into a literal Gotham city with drug dealers and junkies in hoodies and masks going about shady shit openly with nary a word from the cops. Eek! 💉/5

Guns — America’s reputation with guns is well known. In my first few months in the US, every time I heard a loud noise I was like “OMG! WE HAVE A SHOOTER SITUATION! UNDER THE TABLES EVERYONE”. Fortunately, it was everyday things like tyre bursts and never an actual shooter. The never-ending stories of Walmart shootings, school shootings, and muggings have a decreasing but ever-present place in my head. I now interpret it as India’s rape problem. It’s bad, it is far from what it should be, but the reality is a far cray from what the media portrays it to be. 🔫☠️/5

Wrapping up

My experiences aren’t too different from an Italian immigrant who sailed to New York, a hundred years before me. 

"I came to America because I heard the streets were paved with gold. When I got here, I found out three things: First, the streets weren't paved with gold; second, they weren't paved at all; and third, I was expected to pave them."

Or to quote a TikTok “Now that I’m really looking at em .. this bitch kinda ugly”

I would still consider it an upgrade for me. Overall, I would rate USA a strong 3.8. Stop taking it easy in fundamental areas like healthcare, and it’s an easy 4.

As Winston Churchill famously (didn’t) say “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing, after they have exhausted all the other possibilities.”. That moment might soon be here. I am an optimist and remain hopeful.

Bonus rant 

A learning for me has is the moving between these countries involves a lot of trade-offs, but those trade-offs have gotten narrower. India might’ve slam-dunked USA until the 1700s, and USA might’ve slam-dunked India until 1991. But things have changed, and the comparison can’t be so abstract and pointed anymore. People slap monikers like “developed” and “developing” on entire countries. The expression encodes a colonial view of the world — here stand we, the wise & “developed”, there stand they the P̶o̶o̶r̶,̶ ̶T̶h̶i̶r̶d̶-̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶, “developing” savages. 

Are western countries done? Nope! Progress is eternal. This vocabulary also ignores things taking a total back-slide. Should the once bustling but now abandoned city of Detroit still be called developed? As I mentioned above, many aspects are anything but developed. We need to cure ourselves of the mind virus of Anglocentrism.

Bonus pet peeves

USA needs jets, in the toilet [Graphic details about inferiority of toilet paper omitted but available upon request]

Tipping is bullshit. Raise the price and pay your staff.

Stop leaving my mail/deliveries on the porch or building entrance, give it to me in hand.

Why don’t houses have lights?! Why do I have to buy them separately?

Why do people have to earn leave? In India, you’re just granted leaves

Why are salary payments fortnightly? Make rent fortnightly too then?!

What’s with the feed the family and then some portion sizes?

[les-maisons-toutes-pareilles]

04/12/2022 - it's been a while

Last entry was 30th of November. No really consistency. I bring it up again, I guess it must bother me, or maybe just the fact that I wanted to write everyday and in the end didn't? Then again considering myself it's more or less an impossible task for me, I'm doing better than I did before. Though I shouldn't abandon, I'm doing good with this diary.

So what happened ? On Friday I had a long day after a short night and then I went out to run with my mum for an charity event. I have not run in a loong time, only bicycle and just to go and get from my school and some errands. I did pretty good though, 8,5 km. I was so exhausted though. Then I spent the whole of Saturday studying and writing down my notes and then again on Sunday with a little more lax and also I slept in late. I have quite a few exams this week, idk how I feel about them. Tomorrow is...well I could say in the hands of god but i don't believe in it.

Things is I spend so much time studying that I have little time to do much else. I have not really been able to continue the comics I was reading, or start the book I've had for months now, or even catch a little bit of an episode from a show. I mainly just listen to music because I can do that and keep working on school stuff. It feels a little alienating, though I know I have to because it's school, I still try to find some time to do things.

The cat I was hoping to meet got adopted which yay for her ! It's a good thing I made clear in my mind that as long as I don't have a real liking for any of them on the picture then I wouldn't mind who gets adopted before I get to meet them. What counts is how they'll react to me when I meet them and the ones that are there then. Of course I'm a little sad because she was gorgeous and I would have loved to have her home, I daydreamed a little but I'm allowed to be sad, as long as I don't drown in it. Saying that I'm sad already does a lot.

And finally, I had a little...weak moment ? I was thinking about my ex friends and how long we've been apart. Thing is I've not talked to one of them for a month and the other the last message I sent (not one they answered) was about 2.5 weeks ago. I don't think it's a good idea to talk again right now, or at least not for December (too much happening with the exams, the new job, the holidays etc), but I was thinking maybe January ? It'll be about 2 months after I last really talked to anyone of them. I know people are not forgotten that easily (well...talking for myself really haha) but you can move on pretty quickly if you have 0 interaction with them, and I have no interaction with them. So I've been thinking and a few thoughts got out :

They might have moved on, the 3 of them. We are barely acquaintances at this point I guess, and I wouldn't blame them (as I said, 0 interaction). So is it a good idea to contact them again ? As much as I had fun times with them I have a hard time believing we were actually friends ? Not in a bad way, but in a I-never-felt-like-their-friend way. It's a weird situation where I have strong memories of feelings I'd associate with good friends but at the same time they feel like sort of strangers to me. So it would be like building it all up again but from the ground, with better foundations.

Do I really want to be their friends ? I am mostly motivated by memories and sparce moments, but do I want to be their friends ? I know I interacted with them a lot because they were friends with my one friend there (the same way you interact with the friends of your friend at a stranger's party). Thing is I try to be a generous and kind person as much as I can. I try to treat everyone well so I don't have that many bad interactions but then everyone I talk to is pretty much nice so...where does the line about being friend is ? I have trouble with that one. There are people at school I'm on good terms with, I even work with them etc but I wouldn't call them for anything too personal, or to talk about the randoms of my life. If this is what I go with then I guess we only really talked in the genral group. From what I understand they all had private conversations between them, I didn't, not really. So was it friendship then ? Or was I just being socially correct and nice? And then, do I want to be friends with them ? Before I try anything or ask them, I should have some sort of understanding on that matter myself.

And there's always the problem of that person. I don't know how to deal with that still. Do I want them as my friend or is it some weird attachment or memories of good feelings I'm trying to get back like a junkie ?

I'm weirdly concerned with doing the right and good thing, I don't know if all of this is really healthy but no one reads this and it does take a little off my back to write these interrogations I have.

Listening to : Second star to the right by Jon Sarta

[ask-shou-blog1]

ritsu in a rabbit dress???? god i wish

[botwstoriesandsuch]

OK SHUT UP SHUSH SHUT THE FUCK UP IT’S 1AM BUT SHUSH LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN!

I AM GIVING YOU THE TOOLS TO FIND THE EXACT DISTANCE OF ANYTHING ANYWHERE IN HYRULE, CUSTOM MAKE YOUR FIC JOURNEYS TO THE METER, FIND THE AREA OF ANY TOWN OR LANDMARK, OR JUST FIND OUT HOW BIG (or small) HYRULE KINDGOM TRULY IS ONCE AND FOR ALL SO GO AHEAD AND SAVE THIS POST TO YOUR DRAFTS CAUSE YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE IT FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

 Ok so this all starts with THIS

FEAST YOUR EYES LADIES, LADS, AND GENTLEFOLK ON THE ONLY PIECE OF INFORMATION IN ALL OF HYRULE CONCERNING DISTANCE AND TIME. 

[Image ID: A screenshot from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, depicting a picture of Ash Swamp hanging in Impa’s house. The dialogue box from Impa reads, “Does it look familiar? From this village, you should be able to get there in a half day’s time.” End ID]

Impa states that it would take you half a day, about 12 hours, to travel from Kakariko Village to the depicted 13th memory, which is at Ash Swamp by Fort Hateno. 

Now here is where I took this information. I took it to

objmap.zeldamods.org

A fantastic online Botw map resource with tons of features like finding specific objects, and highlighting areas, and placing pins, and the basics of showing the locations of everything like shrines and korok seeds and all that. 

BUT the thing that we care about today is this ability, here:

DRAW!

With those widgets on the right, I can specifically mark lines and shapes and the website will give me the distance of it in meters!

“But Kip, if the map already gives you the distance of anything you want then isn’t this entire post pointless?” Ashshshshshhshh no, shut the fuck up, shush shut, no, stop, silence, I am high on caffeine and I haven’t slept for two days. No. 

As great as the map is, the exact ratio isn’t the best. Like, it tells me that the length of Hyrule is only 10km, or 6.2 miles. 

I wager that realistically, Hyrule would be a bit bigger than that. And THAT, is where I come in. Or, more specifically, Impa.

Impa states that it takes 12 hours to travel from Kakariko to Fort Hateno. (I am saying Fort Hateno and not Ash Swamp because I am going of the nearest prominent landmark location near the 13th memory, and I highly doubt that Impa knew the exactly square foot patch of dirt that Link needed to stand on to activate his memory)

According to Google, it takes around 10 to 12 minutes to walk a kilometer. (I am assuming Impa was referring to walking and not riding, because I feel like she would have said, “You should be able to get there in half a day’s ride” or something of the sort. So, walking it is)

So: 

12 hours divided by 12 minutes 

(Which is 720 minutes / 12 minutes)

gives us

60

The distance between Fort Hateno and Kakariko village is 60 kilometers.

Badabing badaboom, great job! We did it. BUT NOW this is where our handy dandy online object map comes in.

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Breath of the Wild map showing the area of Kakariko Village and the plains in front of Fort Hateno. A blue line highlghts the path from the village to a marker on Fort Hateno. The line reads “1.89km.” End ID]

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Breath of the Wild map showing the area of Kakariko Village and the plains in front of Fort Hateno. The blue line from the previous image is still there, however, there is now a more prominent yellow line. The yellow line runs from Kakariko village, but ends at a marker point at the location of the 13th memory at Ash Swamp. The yellow line reads “1.55km.” End ID]

So while this map doesn’t give me distances that are exactly to my liking, it DOES give me a measuring means that will stay consistent. SO! As you can see, the map says Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 1.89km. (And just to be safe, I also did the distance exactly to the point of the 13th memory as shown in Impa’s picture, which came out to 1.55km. But! It’s doesn’t matter anyhow, because) We’re going to round this to 2km for the sake of my sanity because surprise surprise! I actually suck at, and hate, math. 

So the map says Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 2 kilometers, but we know that in real life, the distance is actually 60 kilometers. So, if you want to use this object map effectively, you have to make a means of converting the “false” measurements, (which I will be refering to as “zelda” (kilo)meters, or zm/zkm) from the actual ones. 

So THIS is what I fucking did oh my god help me it took me way too long even though it was really simple in hindsight I was just stupid and spent two hours trying to get the ratio equations right when really all I had to do was divide, it was a whole thing, anyhow, read away. 

[Image ID: A screenshot of MATH oh my god it’s fucking math...BUT it’s kinda color coded so that’s nice. The top left of the page depicts text. In red text reads “zkm (Zelda km) = per the measurement on the objmap.zeldamods.org” and below that, in black text, reads, “Kakariko to Fort Hateno = 1.89 zkm ~ 2zkm,” which is underlines in yellow. Another line of black text reads, “Impa says it takes half a day’s time to travel from Kakariko to the 13th memory location AKA 12 hours.” Another line of black text reads, “It takes about 10-12min to walk a kilometer,” which is underlines in green.

Handwritten in blue ink is the equation, 

“12 hours = 720 min

720/12 = 60″ 

The 12 is highlighted in green, and the 60 is underlined. In green text, below it, reads, “It takes 12 hours to walk 60 kilometers.” In black text under this, it reads “So Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 60 kilometers.” Another line of black text under this reads, “So based on that, we can find the actual values of a zkm (Zelda kilometer).” 

Handwritten in yellow ink is the equation,

“2zkm = 60km

1km = 30km” [typo, I meant 1zkm = 30km]

The 60km is in blue, and the equation 1zkm = 30km is circled. 

To the right of everything, in bigger, yellow text, reads “So: 1zkm = 30km 1zm = 30 meters

The map of Hyrule measures roughly 10zkm (length) by 8zkm (height) [typo, I meant width] giving it an area of 80 square zkm.

Therefore, the “true” size of Hyrule Kingdom os 2400 square kilometers.” End ID]

SO ARMED WITH THIS NEW KNOWLEDGE, you can now use this map to measure whatever you want, and by converting 1zm to 30 meters, you can get accurate result as to what that distance is. 

Chart the roads, measure the rivers, the map even gives area tools for polygons, squares, and circles! This entire post was born out of a desire to see how long the characters in my fic should rest for when travel between different stables. 

Now before anyone asks, yes! 2400 square kilometers is fairly small. That’s around 930 square miles. I believe even Wales is more than three times bigger than that. BUT! Considering Hyrule is a medieval kingdom that’s actually pretty sizable considering the average size of a Kingdom was 100 to 900 square kilometers. 

And juuuust to double check, I ran the size though a Medievil Demographics generator, and 2400 (under the conditions of Fertile Land with 64% of the land being arable since I figured roughly 46% for lakes, the ocean, plus unusable land was more than enough to cover the Hebra, Death Mountain, and the Gerudo Desert. Which honestly is even MORE generous considering there are races that occupy these areas, but I digress) This still gives Hyrule Kingdom a good population of 108,000 people! Before the Calamity when all of its villages were up and occupied, of course. So the area is definitely more than enough, and can still give Link a more realistic amount of time to travel between areas (when you add eating and rest of course. Don’t make my guy walk for 10 hours straight from the Great Plateau to Hebra D: plz)

TL;DR: Hyrule is 2400 square kilometers; use the map, plus the conversion 1 zelda meter to 30 meters to measure anything you want; I am tired

Quick Edit: Please note that this conversion is for the purposes of people out there who need more realistic means of measuring distances for larger scale travel and such, like for writing fic journeys, or dnd campaigns. This conversion isn’t the best for smaller scale measure like buildings and such (EX: I’ve checked with buildings in Castle Town and the Coliseum, and they come out much too big, just a symptom of game design ratios not being perfect since it’s hard to balance consistent measurements and the immersion and plan a creator has for their game world!) So if you are measuring those smaller entities using the linked map, just stick with the given zelda meters! (EX: The Coliseum radius in zelda meters matches up nicely with the real world Roman Colosseum, beating it out by a few dozen meters!)

Also if you are a true believer in the interpretation of Impa’s dialogue as “half the amount of daylight hours,” see the reblogs!

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

Don't want to jump the gun here but I just finished looking at the synopsis for 6x11 and I see that the writers of this god damn show are continuing with the separation of Lena from the rest of the super friends.

Like why? Why are we circling back to that? They've done so much of that in previous seasons and people hated it. They spent so much time in 6A trying to affirm to Lena (and by extension the audience) that she is part of the team, she belongs with them and she has a family now. Only to now ship her off across the pond for at least 3 episodes (could be longer).

Don't get me wrong, I think this is great for Lena. She's had this identity struggle all her life and it'll be nice for her to get to know a side of herself that has nothing to do with the Luthors and their toxicity. I'm all for that. My issue is, why does it need to span over so many episodes and why is it that only one of those episodes is going to give us the content?

Seems like this show can't focus on multiple characters at once to give a nuanced story (probably asking for too much from a CW show). Separating Lena from the super friends just doesn't feel right anymore given everything that's happened and the timing couldn't be shittier if you tried. I feel like the only thing that can save this is if we get scenes of Lena staying in touch with the team. And it doesn't have to be just Kara or even Kara. Communication with Brainy and especially Nia, could go a long way to reiterate to Lena and the audience that she has a family now and somewhere to belong to once she's done. But I doubt we'll get that and that is what will tick me off (I'll gladly eat my shorts if I'm wrong tho)

To make matters even worse, time is so fickle on this show (we still don't definitely know how long Kara was in the PZ) but if we are to treat each episode as a week, that means Lena will be gone for nearly a month?!?! Wtf...

And I'm supposed to believe that Kara isn't going to be affected by that long ass absence after that hug and that 'i'm only here because you're on the team' statement and the fact that after talking to Lena on the phone she tells Alex she doesn't wanna be alone anymore??? Like is it really that hard to make it make sense?

Ngl though, I'm glad Irish Lena is canon now because KM is really starting to give up on that American accent (and I love her for it lol).

[azure-bliss]

shinran oneshot

Fandom: DC

Pairing: Shinran

Excerpt: 

“Shinichi,” she whispered, warm blue orbs losing focus as she looked at him, though her smile remained. She rose her hand to caress his cheek (she’s so, so cold). “You found us.”

Her chapped lips met his, and then, “Arigato.”

A/N: I swear that this was supposed to be fluffy but brain said nope, angst-infused it is. Also, I’m no expert in medicine nor the Japanese police system, even criminology for that matter. Spare me. Enjoy!

Day 9

“I should write a book.”

Shinichi’s first instinct was to snort, as he was reminded of Kogoro-ojisan’s—who he should really be calling otousan nowadays—intention of becoming a mystery novelist, much like his actual father. Kudo Yusaku had made millions writing his thrillers, and today, years after the older Kudo patriarch decided to publish his final novel, he was still adding money to the Kudo fortune.

Perhaps his mother playing the titular character in one of Night Baron’s spinoff adaptations, Lady Baron, played a huge factor too. His parents were weird that way, almost like a tag-team, because the moment Kudo Yusaku announced his writing retirement, Kudo Yukiko came out of hers.

It was as if they thought that the world could not handle more than three (he was pretty sure his popularity was on par with his parents, despite his lack of big screen appearances) famous Kudos at a time.

“Finally jumping on the full Kudo experience?” he teased, adjusting himself on the hospital bed where his wife sat, left arm wrapped around her whole frame, right palm covering hers.

Eyes focused on the little bundle in her arms, she hummed before answering, “A best-seller for sure.”

As if on cue, their newborn squirmed before revealing twin orbs that matched his mother’s, unfocused eyes looking up to the woman who went through hell and back prior to his birth.

“Anata,” she called, her tired voice laced with a hint of excitement. “He’s beautiful.”

 Day 1

He stood in an abandoned room of an equally abandoned motel located just 50 km on the outskirts of Tokyo, the very location that had him and nearly the whole Tokyo Metropolitan Police Taskforce wrecking their brains and exhausting their resources to find. The identified suspect was one Seisaku Miyazaki, a serial rapist and killer with a tendency for flairs. The 27 crime scenes he left always had distinct blood splatter to them, resulting from either gunshot wounds straight to the temple, or intraoral ones.

Shinichi had never seen a crime scene so gruesome in his life.

As soon as Shinichi stepped into the room, the first thing he should have registered was the blood-spattered left wall and Seisaku’s limp and lifeless body on a chair in the same left corner, his riffle trapped in between his legs.

Instead, Shinichi’s frantic eyes zeroed on the figure on the bed in the middle of the room, merely 10 feet away from Seisaku’s body. The woman had her back against the headboard with an ungodly amount of blood running down her bottom half, arms cocooning a small bundle wrapped with a violet-colored cardigan—the same one she was last saw wearing before her disappearance.

She had her eyes on her baby, as if the newborn was the only person who mattered, seemingly unbothered by the chaos unfolding before her. It took the lead detective a full five seconds to notice that the newborn—oh God, their newborn—was not crying.

He was beside her in her flash, holding her tighter than he should. His wife was again, unbothered, but he noticed that she closed their baby more to her semi-naked chest. The cuts and bruises on her face and torso did not go unnoticed by him. All of Seisaku’s victims had the same markings, but unlike those women who bled from their heads, she was bleeding from bottom down.

Kudo Shinichi screamed for the medic.

It was only then did he hear a soft cry, and he released a breath he did not know he was holding.

“Anata,” she called, finally removing her gaze from their son to look at him “He’s beautiful.”

Her face was pale and hollow, but there was no mistaking the warmth in her eyes and the gentleness of her smile.

His heart both bloomed and broke for her.

“Ran,” he choked out the name he’d been desperately calling for the past few hours. “You’re going to be okay.”

When the medic team finally appeared, his wife first handed the closest medic the baby, “Take care of him, onegai,” she requested, sounding too much like a plea. “He’s a good boy.”

Releasing her son’s warmth, the brunette fell back onto her husband, who caught her naked shoulders, throwing her full weight onto his.

“Shinichi,” she whispered, warm blue orbs losing focus as she looked at him, though her smile remained. She rose her hand to caress his cheek (she’s so, so cold). “You found us.”

Her chapped lips meet his, and then, “Arigato.”

With a sigh of relief, she shut her eyes, and rolled limp further into her husband’s embrace.

Shinichi’s world stood still, the only things registering in his mind were his wife’s cold body, and their newborn’s loud cries in the distant.

 Day 8

She was in pure fight mode, forcing her body to function and conscious to stay awake. Once she knew that her child was safe, all the injuries and agony finally caught up to her, and she welcomed the numbing darkness.

The last thing Ran remembered was Shinichi’s rapid heartbeat drumming her ears.

The new mother woke up a week later, on an unfamiliar bed, to the familiar but tormented eyes of her husband.

“Baby,” she mustered breathily, and her husband’s eyes all but softened.

She knew that they were safe.

   Day 10

It was another two whole days before she was deemed fit enough to hold her newborn.

“Anata,” she beams, “He’s beautiful.”

“He is,” the Heisei-Reiwa Holmes agreed. “The brat gave the doctors and nurses a fright with his fever, would not stop crying too.”

If his wife was worried, she did not show it. “Is that true?” she cooed, “But you’re okay now, aren’t you sweetheart? Your Papa found us after all.”

Day 0

Kudo Ran did not fit Seisaku Miyazaki’s victim profiles by the slightest. The females he preyed on were usually late teens to early twenties, lived alone, physically petite, and had questionable practices in their private lives.

Or, in the words of Seisaku himself, whores.

Catching the serial killer had been the detective’s top priority, with the death count at 27 and the most recent killings at the heart of Tokyo, it was one of the most challenging cases for him to date.

With half of the murders in Tokyo and the other half in Osaka, it was a no brainer for both Detective of the East and West to join hands, special taskforces from Tokyo and Osaka rallying under their (unofficial) command. The investigation had been ongoing for more than four months before special unit finally made a definite progress, being able to identify a potential victim, shadowing her day and night, coming in to save her just in time from being abducted, and arresting Seisaku’s paid minion.

Genzo Okubo was no Seisaku, the two detectives figured. The latter was confident, methodical, a true psychopathic mastermind, yet the man they caught fumbled with his words, sweated profusely, and most importantly, had little loyalty as he quickly confessed to everything.

The unit rejoiced, but Shinichi and Heiji knew that it was too simple, as if Seisaku wanted Gento to be caught.

By the time they were finished with the guy, it was already 2 a.m.

The lack of miscalls from him wife caught him off guard.

He tried not to panic, reasoning to himself that Ran was probably at her parents’, fell asleep, and his in-laws forgot to inform him. After all, it would not be the first time this had happened. If anything, the Mouris had not stopped fussing over their daughter, and with this case constantly on his mind, Shinichi had not really been the doting husband and father-to-be that he ought to be. Their six-year-old twins were away with his parents somewhere in New York, the elder Kudo couple wanting to give the once-again new parents space to get ready for the youngest Kudo’s arrival.

Halfway through dialing Eri’s number (because his mother-in-law was a light sleeper), Heiji burst into the break room with a suspicious package in his hands.

“Kudo,” the dark-skinned detective panted, as if he just ran up flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, “that bastard’s got Nee-chan.”

Inside the package were two things: a picture of a very pregnant Kudo Ran, blindfolded and gagged, and a lone platinum wedding band.

  Day 10

“He panicked.”

“Hmm?”

“Seisaku-san, he panicked.” His wife stated, the name of her kidnapper rolling of her tongue like she was mentioning a student of hers. “I started having contractions, started bleeding too. He mumbled something about ‘not following his plan’.”

Shinichi rose his brows, puzzled by Ran’s statement, but he let her continue.

“I think,” she paused, readjusting her hold on their son when they boy started to writhe, “that he was halfway out when Seisaku-san decided to shoot himself.”

Her voice was cool, too indifferent, and deep down, Shinichi knew that his wife may be scarred for life.

“Three sounds,” she gulped then snickered. “Me screaming during the final push, the baby’s cries, and the riffle going off.”

Shinichi held her tighter.

“His blood was everywhere, Shinichi. On the walls, the carpet, the bed, my face,” There are now cracks in her voice, the memories flooding her overwhelmed mind as she remembers it all again, “On our baby boy.”

“Ran…” He trailed off, not knowing what to say. His wife and son were alive, but the trauma she went through was something he wished on no one, not even Seisaku himself.

“I didn’t want him to get cold, so I wrapped him with my cardigan. Not the most hygienic, I know, but I didn’t exactly have many choices,” a chuckle. “He locked the door, so I couldn’t escape, and I couldn’t exactly kick the door open, my energy was spent on giving birth. So, I started breastfeeding the baby, burping him…making sure he was alive long enough for you to find us.”

Something in him shattered even more.

Ran averted her eyes away from their son to look at her husband, their faces only a few centimeters apart.  There were no tears in their eyes, the pain and regret that remained in their hearts too crushing to be expressed by mere crying. “I’m safe, our boy is safe, because you found us. None of this is your fault, so please, Anata,” she kisses him before continuing, “don’t blame yourself.”

Shinichi could not imagine what life would be without her. She was his wife, partner, lover, best friend, soulmate, the mother of his children, his world, his everything.

“Okay,” he promised simply, capturing her lips for a second time before kissing her forehead. “I love you.”

He felt her smiling into his neck, and at that moment, nothing was wrong; they were whole.

They stayed like that for a few more moments, savoring the peaceful yet short time they had with their baby boy before one of the nurses took him away for the night.

    Day 11

 “Your book,” Shinichi remembered far into the night. “What are you going to write about?”

A mischievous look twinkled in Ran’s eyes, and the man knows that his wife will heal just fine. “Kidnapped 101.”

- end

A/N: Nope, not their firstborn. And I also imagine that Ran has had her fair share of getting kidnapped so might as well write a book on it lmao. 

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

[hes-writer]

Exclusive Content

this is a master list of all one shots, blurbs, series parts, and unfinished content that i have posted on patreon (so far)! click the title to read the sneak peek (if i’ve posted one)

———

*+VALENTINE’S DAY

the one where harry has an eventful day

“Shit! Are you crazy?” Y/N gasped in surprise when the passengers seat was occupied, the door opening and slamming shut all while the car moved at a speed of 15 km/h —cursing her forgetfulness for not clicking the locks shut.

“Keep driving!” The passenger shouted, looking back through the windshield.

* ACHY BACK

the one where y/n’s back hurts and harry draws a bath

“Took too long,” Y/N mumbled as they met in the middle, knuckling tiredly at her eyes. A pout sat on her face as Harry stopped himself from ducking his head and catching her plush lips with his, craving the sweet taste of her and her strawberry lip balm. Her arms wrapped around his snatched waist, halting his breath at the tightness of her embrace and settling for a kiss on her forehead, the scent of her shampoo wafting in his nostrils, knowing that she had taken a shower hours prior. Her back had been aching since then, the pain barely bearable for her stature, causing a crease in between his brows.

+ A LETTER TO THE MAN I’VE LOVED

the one where harry receives a letter from y/n

Is it really worth it to look back in retrospect about ‘what had been’ when she can think about ‘what could have been’ if both of them realized their faults? Granted, he was more resilient in that sense than her, but he was no better at the time. She made mistakes and it had haunted her to this day, practically killing her with each moment she spent without him by her side.

+ UNWAVERING (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

the one where harry cheats (another version of ‘a cheat’)

"I-I'm in a bit of a rush, baby.” He took a step back, increasing the distance between them. "I have a meeting today. Lots of work to be done," Harry responded his tone suggesting that he didn’t want to talk anymore. Y/N nodded to please him.

"Right. Maybe we can go out tonight to grab some dinner," She suggested, a hopeful glint in her eyes and he almost felt guilty for putting her at the back burner of his mind.  

"I really have to go, baby," Peeking his head around her frame, he spotted the untouched toast and apple juice resting on where he should be. "I'm sorry."

+ ALL I ASK

the one where feelings aren’t mutual and hearts are broken

“I don’t want to be scared of what will happen tomorrow or if all we have is right now because we’ll have nothing left but I am,” A sob ripped through his throat, emotions were heightened tenfold because she was so close yet so far and they were still Harry and Y/N but at the same time they weren't. They’ve changed over the span of one night. “All we have is tonight,”

* LITTLE PRINCE

the one where harry and y/n are 7-year olds

Harry gasped in horror, crouching to his knees and getting his knee dirty beside the girl.

"Y/N? Y/N! Are you okay? I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen. I swear I wasn't mad at you, I was just jok- Why are you smiling?" Harry yelped, panic evident in his shrill voice. His hands wandered towards her face, tilting it left to right, up and down, searching for any visible and invisible injuries besides the bump on her forehead.

RENEGADE

the one where y/n teaches harry the ‘renegade’ dance

“What are y’doing?” Harry asked, his eyes wide as his large palms ruffled the fluffy towel on his damp curls. The steam from the bathroom escaped to your bedroom where you were panting with effort, your chest heaving so hard that the peaks of your breasts rose with each breath. 

“Uh, what are you doing?” You retorted slowly, hiding your hands behind your back were your fingers gripped your phone. Your thumb dug hard on the volume bottom, frantically trying to decrease the music from the phone speaker. 

DROP THE TOWEL (m)

the one where harry does the ‘drop the towel’ challenge

“Hey, babe,” He greeted, walking closer to you in a towel that made him feel liberated. You hummed in a silent greeting, giving him a smile before doing a double-take at his appearance. He dropped the towel on the floor, his length hanging proudly between his legs. 

You gasped at the sight, the knife clanging on the marble counter, “Ooh, hi there,”

He smirked cockily, watching your eyes observe his body, tongue subconsciously peeking out between your lips until you snapped your head to the window, “Oh my god! There are people out there, Harry,” You wailed in alarm, bending over to hand him his towel.

DREAM WITH ME (exclusive content as of right now) - this fic will be posted on Tumblr when I return from my hiatus

the one where y/n has trouble falling asleep

Harry’s admiration gets interrupted when a sudden jolt took over Y/N’s body. He dropped his mouth open a little in shock, rubbing her back soothingly when she whimpered quietly, “Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe with me,” She must have had experienced one of those moments when she was falling until her vision drooped to a shaded black. 

DIGRESS (1) PROGRESS (2) REGRESS (3) 

the one where love fails

What happens when love fades away? How do you cope with the feelings disappearing slowly like a blot of dark blue paint diluting with every stroke of a ruffled paintbrush? Y/N wondered if there was a chance to fixing what has been lost--what has disappeared as the canvas soaked through in a permeated osmosis. Coating the brush of blue with white paint took several layers to completely cover the mistakes. There had to be an effort in wanting to make the faults and errors completely opaque from the eye; the bleary, watery irises soaked with tears, dampening her lashes in a thick haze as she cried.

ROUTINE (1) (the first part will be posted on Tumblr when I return from my hiatus. following parts will be patron-exclusive content)

the one where harry is a camboy

In a blink of an eye, Harry’s toned body was showcased on the screen, allowing him to view what his viewers had the pleasure of seeing. The ‘LIVE’ sign blinked repeatedly.

“Hello,” Harry drawled out purposefully using a deeper tone to set the mood. “How are you today?” His fingers stayed hung over the armchair, griping it slightly when comments started rolling in.

NOTES ON CAMP (1) (2) (3) (exclusive content as of right now) - this fic will be posted on Tumblr when I return from my hiatus

Y/N plastered a smile on her face as she shook Belle’s hand. “Sorry but I need to steal Harry away,” Belle tugged on his tattooed arm, fingers clasping around his wrists as he started walking along with her. “See you, Y/N!” Harry greeted, turning around with his arm draped over Belle’s shoulder.

“See you,” She whispered under her breath, looking at his retreating figure towards the cafeteria. Y/N couldn’t help the disappointment she felt, her shoulders slouching at the realization that it was too good to be true. Of course, he had a girlfriend.  A gentleman with chiselled features and a caring personality complimenting her? No way. Still, she wasn’t too sad about it. It wasn’t like they’ve known each other for long. Plus, they were co-workers! It would feel wrong to start a relationship anyway.

STRESSED OUT

the one where y/n is stressed and harry wants her to take a break

“What d’ya mean I don’t get it?” He closed the paperback, making sure to clip in his bookmark to save his spot.

A pregnant pause slithered the room. Her fingers typing against the keys of her laptop ceased as she shot him a glare, “You’re not studying, are you? All you do is write songs, fiddle with a few instruments and sing it in front of people who adore you,”

Harry physically pulled his chest back. He felt like he had been shot. He knew she didn’t mean it though, but it still hurt to hear, “O-oh. I didn't know y-you felt that way,”

She continued, “You don’t know what it’s like having to spend hours researching so you don’t get anything wrong. Sleepless nights to perfect one paragraph that my professor nitpicks to the bone,” Y/N penned a few words on her notebook, not noticing the pout plastered on Harry’s face.

DESSERT

the one where harry wants something else

She pulled away, shaking her head adamantly, “No way! I spent all day cooking and you’re not gonna skip it just to eat my pussy,”

He the corners of his eyes squinted in offence at her description, “Your pussy’s top tier, baby.” Harry ‘tsked’ his tongue, “If yeh didn’t know that already, then I’m doing a horrid job,”

PET NAME

the one bff!harry just wants y/n to call him by his pet name

“Am I, Harry? Seems like you’re putting me at the back burner nowadays,”

He was speechless; had he? Harry didn’t mean to make her feel this way but he wasn’t aware that he was actively blowing her off for Ruby. And why won’t she call him ‘honey’? That was his nickname, wasn’t it? H stood for Harry but it was also the pet name Y/N had given him.

His voice emulated a soft, syrupy tone that lingered in the air whenever he spoke. He was the colour honey itself--golden and yellow like the colour of the sun. Harry was bright in its sense of intelligence and the way he illuminated the whichever room he entered. His kindness catered to everyone’s needs and left pieces of his heart wherever he went.

Harry was honey.

ROOMMATES SERIES (3) (4) (5) (6)

the one where harry and y/n are roommates

updates every 2 weeks!

will not be posted on Tumblr until the series is finished

Y/N gasped at Harry’s proximity, lids snapping open with her hand reaching over to pat along until she found her phone which was blaring with an alarm that she had set. Harry gulped, eyes wide as his mind ran through what the hell just happened.

“What are you doing here? Get out!” She yelled, tugging the sheets higher on her body. 

“I-I was just waking you up so you can make us dinner,” Harry stuttered out, his excuse sounding lame but he patted himself on the shoulder for making it up on the spot. Well, that was his intention in the first place until he got distracted.

FRIENDS DON’T MINI-SERIES (1) (2) (3)

“Is this okay?” Her doe irises searched his. Harry raised his head lazily to make eye contact, nodding his head with a bit lip. Y/N clenched her inner thighs together at his already blissed-out state, his pupils slowly becoming larger with arousal. “Friends don’t touch each other this way,” She purposefully drew out her statement, giving Harry an out of the situation if he needed to.

“More than okay,”

FIC EXTRAS #1 - TEASE

the one before ‘under the table’

“Fuckin’ dirty,” He spat, the pads of his thumb tracing circles on her hipbones, not feeling a trace of clothing resting on her hips. “Wearin’ a short dress with no panties,”

Y/N hummed, arms slanting behind her to support her upper body so that she could spread her legs further, making room for Harry’s hand. “Didn’t feel like it,”

“Y’just waiting for me to find out, hmm? You knew I couldn’t resist myself when you look so goddamn pretty,”

UNFINISHED DRABBLE #1

the one with fratboy!harry

“Y’alright?” Harry’s husky breath barely made its way to her ears, only then did Y/N feel the hand palming her lower back, another one gripped around her shoulders. Her front flushed against his own, feeling his hard chest on her heaving ones. She peeked one eye open, looking around at her angled stance, then to Harry who wore a concerned look scanning her face. Y/N nodded in response, blinking rapidly, her nipples hardening at a sudden cold breeze beneath the thin fabric of her dress, surely poking him through his shirt. She blushed at the thought and his brief glance over her where they touched, his eyes dilating the tiniest amount.

UNFINISHED DRABBLE #2

the one where harry’s a cheating asshole

Harry wormed his way through his delectable voice and his ever-present words that somehow scorched your shield to the ground. Again. He promised never to do it again and your love-sick heart trusted him. Again. 

But your trust wasn’t something that was particularly valuable to him. To Harry, it would always be there, lingering like the stars in the night sky; always present, always gleaming. Harry was very sorry for what he was doing to you. It was ironic, really; he hoped and prayed every day that you wouldn’t find out but his carelessness left everything out in the open.  

TEXT MESSAGES #1

the one where y/n has silly thoughts

TEXT MESSAGES #2

the one where harry and y/n share the same class 

[metaldragoon]

2020 wasn’t that bad of a year for me.  I had to make a couple sacrifices; no basketball and no swimming, but otherwise my life was pretty un-disturbed.  I wasn’t able to visit my family but I don’t even have a good relationship with them so “missing holidays” with them also meant “not having extreme anxiety about not being a disappointment.”  I like going out to eat at restaurants and obviously couldn’t do that either, but it also meant “you have a lot of money saved up now.”  So I don’t even consider either of those negatives.  Swimming is a bummer though, I had a bit of an ambition to start triathlon training and I really suck at swimming.  My goal was 750m in 10 minutes, but it was a struggle to even swim 750m a day and it’d take me about 20 minutes.  I think I was down to like 17 or 18 minutes when the pool closed down but I still had a long, long way to go.  My best friend is a lifeguard and he said 10 minutes isn’t that hard, and while he’s obviously a little detached from what a normal swimming time is for an untrained swimmer, I was mind-blown by him doing 50m in 25 seconds with literally never trying to time himself once in his life.  750m 10 minutes is also the minimum requirement to be a lifeguard where he works he said, so that’s why I made it my goal.  But that will take a little while longer before I can ever get back in to it.  Transitioning to the subject of basketball, I used to play quite a lot in my youth and as a 6′5″ guy with some good athleticism you know I don’t need any sort of skill to still be good.  But having the knees of an 80 year old make it an issue with basketball being like the most loading-all-your-weight-directly-in-to-your-knees sport in the world.  I believe it was around 2014 when I stopped playing in leagues and this year I was planning on reuniting with my old high school friends to enter some tournaments this year and terrorize northern BC and AB.  I’m not as explosive any more so I was hoping to hit the gym and work on my outside shot ‘cause I at least know I will always be a good defender with my size and intelligence, and I went to one single pick up game this year, the same night Rudy Gobert tested positive for COVID.  It went okay, I had 0 stamina and even trying to rebound a basketball felt awkward much less lining up a jump shot, and then the guys I met up with were like “okay that’s the last game of the year” and I haven’t been able to ball since.   But there was a decent amount of positives.  I rolled through year 3 of my marriage and I think it’s going pretty swimmingly.  No children yet though I’d still like some, but every year I kind of keep thinking “wow I’m so much more knowledgeable and in a more stable position in my life, thank god I didn’t introduce a child in to my previous environment.”  Not that I’m a toxic shithead where no child can thrive, but I just think the more I wait the more super-father I can become.  It’s always been like a life ambition to be a parent for me, like it felt important that my life is incomplete if I’m not able to do this and a lot of that also meant procreating and y’know, my child being a tall white quarter scottish/norweigan infant, but I’ve definitely been coming around to adoption and now don’t really care about having a child who has the same genetic information as me.  I guess that’s all I have to say for now, wife and I are still discussing it and I’m sure it’ll be a few years, but, just a change of perspective I’ve had. I hopped back on to my Tetris grind recently as I’ve had four weeks off of holidays all packed in to the end of the year, I think it’ll be a trend that continues, but I don’t know for sure or anything.  I made sort of a break through in controls that helped optimize my play a lot, and just last week I was able to get PBs in APM and 20/40/1000 line sprints from about a year and a half ago, so I’ve already adjusted to the changes that took me a while to get used to.  My 20 and 40 line times are 30.626 and 60.708 seconds which is a little frustrating how close I am to clearing those rounded number milestones, but that’s a goal for 2021 I suppose.  I could probably break them right now but just haven’t gotten lucky.  I question if my fingers can really get any faster though, I think hand speed is a hard thing to develop as an old man, but world record is almost 4x faster so at the same time it’s a little foolish of me to think I’m near any sort of physical limit. My other last tangible success is running.  I haven’t run since mid November because of winter in Edmonton ain’t worth it to me, I literally took all my holidays in winter simply for the sake of not having to drive to work as often.  But yeah, I was definitely in the best running shape of my life.  I’d been tracking my PRs all year, I’ll just quickly list them 100m: 13.8 200m: 33.3 400m: 1:08 800m - 2:48 1000m - 3:31 1 mile - 6:19 2 mile - 13:23 5K - 21:12 10K - 43:36 15K - 1:13:58 10 mile - 1:19:29 20K - 1:38:54 Half Marathon - 1:44:04 A lot of these I didn’t particularly work on setting, they just happened to get recorded by my watch while I was running longer distances.  I’m not a sprinter at all as my times clearly indicate, I think anything under 1KM times are all pretty accomplishable by anyone who wants to work on them.  I used to be run low 12 for 100m but I think I’m too old for that these days, the 200m was literally the first time I ever ran it, I just was never interested back when I was in track as a kid, 400m is kind of disappointing too because I was running 1:21 when I was 10 years old and I’ve only managed to shave 13 seconds off.  800 was just on the way to some other run so I don’t even really count it as a time, I think I could have definitely been 2:35 if I tried.  3:31 for the 1KM I did once to try and pace my friend for 3:45 and then I sprinted the last 200m so I coulda been quicker there, 1 mile I never attempted to run but I really wanted to get sub 6 minutes, I think I could but I’m not sure why I never attempted to run one.  2 mile is something I actually did run a lot, my neighbourhood is 2.5 KM, 3.2 KM is 2 miles, so I would quite often run it in the morning.  My ultimate goal for a pace is 4:12/KM so once I hit that with my 2 mile run (4:10/KM pace) I didn’t push it further.  5KM and 10KM were both done on track where I actually spent the few surrounding days prepping for my run and are the two I’m proudest of, particularly the 10 KM, and the longer distances were all just set while I was trying to run a half marathon.  My goal is an hour and a half for the half marathon, so while 14 minutes doesn’t seem extremely far it still is quite tough for me, I need to shave 45 seconds every KM 21 times in a row.  I signed up for my first half marathon since 2014 for September 2021.  My official PB is only 1:51 so I’m already better than I ever was, but I hope to train all year to shave off that last 14 minutes.  My tangible improvement on a weekly basis with running was pretty comforting for my mental health.  29 has always been the age of physical peak for men, everything beyond is a decline until the end, but I never really felt plateaued throughout this year.  I ran over 1200 KM last year, the last half of the year I was going for 50KM a week which I’m hoping to keep up again this year while also pushing even further as long as my body can hold up.  I still get a lot of stingy injuries that cause me to miss a couple days here or there, but for the most part it went pretty well.   Uh, I don’t even know what the point of writing all this was I guess.  Just wanted to share that I continued to progress in life, which I guess is the only purpose I have in life, continue to better my life, and I can definitely say I’m better now than I was a year ago, and looking forward to continue an upward trajectory for 2021.  Happy New Years.

[piduai]

eva stans waited so looong for this movie and the makers were like :) so :) was:) it:) worth:) it:)

bruuuuh i knew it’s gonna be bad and my expectations of how bad it would be were 100% met! i watched it yesterday but already forgot everything about it which doesn’t say much because i mentally checked out of the plot on minute 7. i really don’t know what to say about it except that it was bad lol pretty much everyone except ikari fucking GENDO was disrespected nedjfnredj gendo was actually given much more depth than necessary, they spent like 10 whole minutes on exposition of his unhealthy obsession with his dead wife and how she retconned his life-long sociopathic misanthropy AND then they gave him the imagery of committing double suicide with her I Can Not Cope. 

first off it was WAY too long, i feel even for people whose attention span isn’t shit 3 entire hours of this garbage is a bit too much. they made misato a deadbeat mom who turned out to have been already bred when k*ji died and her kid is 14 but she’s never met him because she’d be ‘an unworthy mother’ but then she went on a suicide mission being like ‘this is the only thing mom can do for you </3′. the absolute DISRESPECT asuka got served totally went over my expectations tho, like it actually felt hostile - she’s introduced naked, then EVERY single time she appears she’s different degrees of undressed, we get a full-screen shot of her underage-looking pussy a few times, and then she gets violently murdered on screen (again) while screeching. eva writers be like if i don’t violently kill this annoying slut on screen at least once i’m gonna kms instead. and like she’s supposed to be 38 mentally alright? but she acts like an unstable mentally challenged teenager the whole time lmfao and then she confesses her teenager love to shinji <3 i was never fond of rei but even poor rei’s treatment was pitiable, she was essentially a born sexy yesterday (no shots of her pussy tho rip rei truthers) and then she just fucking dies by means of her head becoming juice. even SHINJI is weird af, he’s catatonic and unresponsive the first half and then he’s like i’m ok actually i chose to grow up in the span of 3 minutes. good for him i guess.

my fav part was how they gave all fujos the L by making kaworu symbolize gendo’s repressed ‘love’ for shinji so essentially kaworu has been the manifestation of gendo’s parental attachment to shinji the whole time hrjtgnfdjkn and then in the end! after all the impacts and all shinji snatches the power of god from his dad and wishes for a reality where there’s no evas and the movie ends in a retconned alternative universe where Peace Governs and in this universe kaworu is fucking rei and shinji is fucking the pink megane girl whatever was her name who honestly was the one character who for some reason got the best treatment in this movie. no sign of asuka in the epilogue, not even a fleeting one!!!!!!! great movie great movie thanks for the brain damage <3

no let me reiterate actually my fav part was a different one. first half of the movie they get into this random ass village where kansai-ben and freckles girl from the original are married and have a fucking baby right? anyway shinji is catatonic the whole time because he can’t get over kaworu’s death, his trauma gets triggered a couple of times he keeps seeing his head explode and all, anyway he’s DEEPLY traumatized obviously but then after a while he starts getting better and becoming functional again and then after he’s finally gotten out of his shell rei just fucking dies in front of his eyes by means of her head exploding. nobody else in the theater was laughing so i had to bite into my palm because it was absolutely hysterical.

[ahoncc]

10 + 1 Grand Fondo Bike Rides in Seven Months

Hello people, my name is James. I am neither a pro cyclist nor a barista, so don’t take my opinions on either subject too seriously. I just love brewing/drinking coffee and riding my bike; I think the two are a match made in heaven. Not surprisingly, a lot of people think so too. 

To start things off, allow me to chronologically share 100-km bike routes I’ve taken within the past seven months of cycling. 

1. Lower Antipolo, Caloocan, North Caloocan. 101 km. 

This was my first metric century ride, a month into cycling. I had planned a coffee delivery route and a schedule and was fully expecting to make it to each stop in good time. On paper, it didn’t seem that hard. How naïve I was. What the map doesn’t tell you is how horrible the roads are, how hot the weather is, or how crowded with trucks some streets are. Add to that the fact that Komoot is not a good on-the-fly navigation tool, and I was on the fast lane to disaster. Getting lost in a totally janky area on the bumpiest roads was not fun at all.

I was dying, but I kept at it. I was a noob who refused to admit defeat. After getting out of the sticks known as North Caloocan, I hit the mythical wall and bonked. As I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, it rained. Thankfully I was close to a Jollibee so I refueled and let the rain pass. Later that day, I did laps close to home just to complete 100 km since I was just a couple of km short.

4/10. It was totally my fault for being unprepared, but this ride sucked. I’d give it a 3/10 but there’s a bonus point since it was my first long ride.

2. Tagaytay via Daang Hari and Paliparan. 140 km. 

Tagaytay seems to be a test of courage or rite of passage that every budding cyclist has to undertake. And it is quite an undertaking. However which way you slice the cake, you’ll have to climb. If gradients aren’t your thing, you’d quickly question why you’re doing this in the first place. 

Like every long ride (I know this now), it requires adequate preparation, i.e. time, weather conditions, road and traffic conditions, hydration and snacks, and physical fitness. I was more prepared than I was the first century ride, but we started late and therefore finished late. 

I had good company during this ride and being with them made the exhaustion bearable. It was hot on the way up and the traffic was dreadful on the way back, but we survived thanks to Pocari Sweat and Choco Mucho. 

7/10. This was a good “beta test” for me. Could’ve easily been an 8/10 but the Mang Inasal at the roundabout ran out of inasal. I got the last piece, but Jilson and Dan had to settle for something else. 

3. Pililia Windmills via Binangonan. 114 km.

This was my first time riding with a large group. There were seven of us. As this was in the same week as my ride to Tagaytay, I came into this fairly confident and with high morale (aside from the fact that I was the seventh wheel). It slowly got lower as mishap after mishap occurred; a flat tire, a broken chain, another flat tire... 

On this ride, I learned that it’s essential to have an idea of each person’s capabilities so you can set the right pace and adjust where and when necessary. We all had different types of bikes, different fitness levels, and different experiences biking on the road. It couldn’t be helped that some were dropped and others had to wait. In this regard, it was a tough and long day and toward the end of it, I was itching to be home.

6/10. At the time, climbing Pililia felt like treading through mud, but making it to the top was very rewarding. Good food and good conversation made up for aching legs.

4. San Jose Del Monte (Fake Eiffel Tower) via McArthur Highway. 111 km.

This started out as an easy ride on flats. We were all prepared and even the traffic and heat didn’t hamper our confidence. Once we were out of the highway and passing through barangays, the views became nicer. There was less pollution too. We saw the fake Eiffel Tower and met a couple of lolos who were still going strong. It was a good day that was only made better by a tasty, cheap, meal. 

By this time, my fitness level and technique were steadily improving, and I was starting to enjoy climbing more. The way back was hilly, but it was no trouble for me. The cause of stress was, as usual, the traffic on the way back. If you can help it, don’t ever pass through Caloocan! It’s the worst. Commonwealth is also a horrible place to ride a bike.

7/10. Good times with good friends! The stop-and-go, clip-and-unclip traffic was a bummer. AG cramped up, but proud of him for powering through it and clocking in his first 100-km ride.

5. Tagaytay via Nuvali and Cardiac Hill. 136 km.

Second time riding to Tagaytay. This time, we rode out early. Iver and I met up in Makati and rode straight to Nuvali where we were to meet the rest of the guys. All was going well and we were maintaining a steady pace, till we made a mistake and met an accident. 

Instead of making a right to Greenfield, we went straight to CALAX. We were none the wiser, so it felt strange when workers started screaming at us. While Iver was looking at them, one of the security personnel near the toll gate stepped in front of me. I had to stop and since Iver was still looking at the guys yelling at us, his front wheel hit my rear and he went over the bars. When I felt the impact, I looked back and I kid you not, I saw him go over in slow motion! He landed on his shoulder and he burst an eyebrow; thank God for helmets! 

As he sat with his blood dripping on the pavement, I was torn between taking a photo and making sure he was okay. I went with the latter, but later on, he told me that I should’ve snapped the photo.  What a guy! 

Cardiac Hill was a bit of a challenge. In fact, it was the hardest part of the way to Leslie’s. I stopped at the base of the hill for a moment just to steel myself and went up the hill without stopping. Slowly, but surely. 

8/10. As usual, the traffic was the worst. Sorelle was in so much pain that going all the way back to Manila on two wheels was out of the question. It was getting late too, so we decided to stop in Bacoor and take a Transportify back to manila. The first and only time (so far) I did the forbidden technique, but it was the smart thing to do.

6. Pisong Kape via Sumulong and Teresa. 103 km.

One of those rides where we didn’t have a fixed destination. We just wanted to go up Antipolo and down Teresa and back, and maybe climb to the windmills if we felt like it. 

A fairly easy ride up Sumulong Highway and a fun time descending to Teresa. It wasn’t all good vibes though, since one of the guys punctured a tire on a descent, which we think caused his crash. He was okay, but his brand new cycling jersey wasn’t.

We made it all the way to Tanay and had breakfast silog there, and decided to head to Pisong Kape at the base of Pililia. When it showed signs of rain, we decided to turn back. More mishaps. Someone got a flat, and another one dropped a chain and had FD issues on the way to the climb to Antipolo from Teresa. We got split up at some point too.

5/10. This is what’s referred to as a bad juju ride. Hot, traffic, and a ton of things we’d rather not experience on the road. I stopped and waited for a good half hour at Decathlon Masinag, but left and rushed home since I needed to poop, lol.

7. Nuvali via a straight and narrow road through barangays and National Highway. 102 km.

It was the day before heading to Baguio for the holidays and I made brunch plans in Alabang with Elle. I was really excited to bike to her but more so to see her. If I left the house late, it would be hot and traffic would be terrible, so I decided to leave at dawn and make a long ride out of it and go all the way to Nuvali. 

I didn’t want to take the service road like last time, so I followed the map through I don’t even know what road this is. All I know is that it was straight and narrow and clogged with tricycles. It spanned several barangays in Pasig, Taguig, Pateros, Sucat, Alabang, etc., and eventually led me to the National Highway. 

It was all flat and this was my first ride on carbon wheels. I was riding solo, so I could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. I made it to Nuvali in 2:20. After resting for half an hour, I took the same route to Alabang and was there in 1:30. On the way back, I took the service road.

ELLEven/10. The route sucked both ways but it was a good day with Elle. What else can I say?

8. Macabebe Beach via Obando. 175 km.

The flattest route I’ve taken, both literally and figuratively. Levi and I rode out from the Mandaluyong circle at 3:30 AM and cut through Manila to get to Monumento. From there, we opted to avoid McArthur Highway and instead took the more scenic, Obando way. I say scenic, but in reality, all we saw was black. We only stopped to buy pandesal and to navigate. As the sun rose, we found ourselves getting closer to the longest 24 km of my life. 

It was a hard left turn from the highway about a km from the arc of Pampanga. The streets were narrow, and we passed through about four barangays. There were a lot of cars on the road, which was quite irritating because we had to stop when they did. The straights never seemed to end; in fact, I went “Look Ma, no hands!” for about what seemed like a couple of km. As we neared the beach though, we were rewarded by breathtaking views on both sides. The beach itself was mediocre and we stayed only for half an hour to eat our pandesal.

The way back was more difficult. You guessed it, it was due to the heat and the traffic and the horrendous roads in Bulakan. We stopped for coffee and to shield ourselves from the burning sun a few times, but overall we kept a steady, okay let’s be honest, frantic pace. We got to Makati a little over 1:00 PM. Levi and I made it in less than 10 hours. With stops. I was spent.

9/10. This was quite an experience. I always wanted to try a purely flat ride, so I did. It was boring. I’m not saying it was easy -- far from it. Being on flats takes a certain type of mindset and discipline, not to mention you have to be strong. The effort it takes to get from point A to B in a specific time is the same back and forth. Unlike climbing, there’s no descending that comes after. You can’t freewheel down the mountain and recover. I learned a lot on this ride, one of the things being that I like gradients more than watts. 

9. Tagaytay via RevPal, Sungay, and Sampaloc. 110 km. 

Tagaytay take three, route three. This time, we drove to Alabang and started there. What we should have done is start in Nuvali. But Luz insisted on starting in Alabang. This was not a good idea, lol. I want to preface this with the statement that as it was, the planned route was a killer. It didn’t help that I had little sleep and had a hard workout the day before. Another bad idea.

Let me give you a TL;DR: We climbed up RevPal from Nuvali, went down to Taal via Sungay, and climbed back up to Tagaytay proper via Sampaloc. From there, we went back down to Nuvali via Cardiac Hill. 

Easy on paper, not so much in action. RevPal is steep, but not impossibly difficult. Part of the difficulty is avoiding all the other cyclists occupying the road, weaving their way up (known as nag tatahi) while staying out of the way of cars. At some point, my right knee started acting up, adding to the difficulty level of the ascent. 

What was unexpected though was how scary the descent on Sungay was. I won’t get into detail, but suffice it to say that we should have taken it as a sign when we saw that other riders were dismounting so they could walk down... That said, what an adrenaline rush!

The climb up Sampaloc was tough with an aching knee (which by the way has no ACL), but thankfully there were a lot of trees and cover. Not my best performance, but I still made it up without stopping. The descent from Tagaytay proper was meh. From Nuvali, we rode with our friends who had the brilliant idea to park there. I slept on the way home. 

9/10. I officially dubbed our group Mountain Goats after this ride. We have a lot of rides that are less than 100 km, but we often reach over 1000 meters of elevation gain. On this outing, we hit 1,640. I wonder how I’ll fair if I do this again in good condition.

10. Sierra Madre Loop via Teresa. 118 km. 

I think this is the most fun Grand Fondo I’ve done. It’s the highest I’ve climbed in the fastest time. 1740 m in 5:43:28. Arguably the most fun I’ve had on a bike. The climbs could kill you if you don’t pace yourself, but the descents were so rewarding. 

The only sucky part about this ride was motorcyclists who go up on their underbone bikes and bank the corners like they own the place. They don’t signal when they turn. They take sudden U-turns. They overtake you, swerve, and suddenly stop in front of you. They are a danger to themselves and others. In fact, Levi mentioned that when she was there, a guy on a Mio overshot a corner and he and his bike went under the guard rail onto the cliff. Thank God he was alive.

10/10. The chicsilog was made even more delicious by the view from the top of the mountain. 

10 + 1. Laguna Loop. 192 km.

Laguna Loop is fun they said. You should try it, they said.

Well, I did. And I hated it. THEY LIED. This is by far the worst Fondo I’ve done. It was fun climbing Antipolo via Cabrera Road. It was fun going down Teresa. It was fun going up Pililia (which was so much easier than the first time). It was fun going down Mabitac. And that’s where the fun ended.

From that point, it was flat. It was hot. It was traffic. And the drivers were so bad. By bad, I mean jempoy bad. By jempoy bad, I mean trying to ride you off the road and driving at your side with their window down to argue with you. It was not fun. Have I said that it wasn’t fun?

2/10. Not gonna lie, I don’t even consider this ride as a Grand Fondo (which is why it’s a +1 and not a solid 11); the only part of the ride that counts is the first part with the ascents and descents. The rest was just really getting it over with. One point for that first part and another for the good company. WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.

Okay, that’s it. It’s quite a long post but it should be okay since it’s the first one? I hope you enjoyed my unedited reviews of my 100-km rides. Again I’m not a pro so don’t take these scores seriously. Ride the routes yourself if you can and let me know what you think!