#god i remember the crazy that happened after this scene aired

[lucyllawless]

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 403: (But Just That One Part, Because I'm Not Caught Up)

Previously on BnHA: Truly no idea, but it kind of looks like Katsuki is riding some sort of spaceship, and everyone has gotten really, really sparkly. I see you all have been busy these past 22 months. Great job, keep it up.

Today on BnHA: “So it’s come to my attention that a truly shocking number of you are only reading this manga for a single character.” – Horikoshi Kouhei, October 2023.

so. where to start, lol

I guess I should open with an apology, because I am about to make a fairly selfish decision! what I am about to do, is post a reaction to Bakugou’s Return To The Manga. however, because I’m not caught up, I’m going to be reading this one scene completely out of context without knowing anything about what is going on. which means that I’m going to be missing out on god knows how many nuances and details, which means this reaction post will be short on those things as well. so basically I’m prioritizing my own personal gratification as a fan here even though it is 100% going to affect the quality of my reaction blog, and for that I genuinely am sorry. eventually I will finish catching up, and when that happens I will post a proper reaction with all the trimmings. that’s just how it is for now though

anyway so with that said, basically what I’ve done now is I have gone to the scanlation website, and clicked on chapter 403, and then scrolled down through most of the chapter while sort of half-looking away from my screen with my eyes squinted so that everything is mostly blurry, until I finally reached the big double-page spread with you-know-who doing his thing. namely, standing around on this giant glowy cereal bowl from the future, which appears to be either hovering up in the air, or slowly crashing onto the ground

and this right here, is exactly what I was rambling on about a moment ago. you guys I really am sorry to be doing this, because even I can tell this should be solemn and sincere moment of awe and excitement and relief. but because I completely lack any context whatsoever for wtf is happening, most of the dramatic impact is lost on me, and to tell the truth right now this page is a hell of a lot funnier than it has any right to be

like, so Deku. this boy is crying all the tears. I recklessly scrolled back up one page to see why, and it appears the answer is Because All Might Is About To Fucking Die (which, !??!?), so that’s actually VERY fucked up, and I’m sure I will have PAGES AND PAGES OF WORDS to say about all of that once I finally catch up properly. that is very traumatic and emotional and I will probably cry a lot about it

BUT, that being said, I just need you guys to know that without that context, Deku standing here with his giant head all >:O in the foreground, while Kacchan appears out of nowhere glowing with the power of a thousand suns and standing on top of this giant floating Smash Bros level that Nezu maybe probably built with his nine million dollars, is one of the wildest fucking things I’ve seen in my life. I feel like an accidental time traveler. you know when a character has one of those crazy prophetic dreams showing them chaotic glimpses of the future, and they’re just standing there all “???” because they have absolutely no clue what the fuck is going on? that is what it’s like right now

heh but there he is

“did you miss me, Izuku. back by popular demand after being on IR for 14 goddamn months. rebuilt better and stronger than ever thanks to the heroic spaghetti man wrapped tightly around my heart keeping me alive. just BnHA things. just a flesh wound. by the way, it’s me, Kacchan, just in case you didn’t recognize me on account of my still being really far away and completely covered by smoke, and also you thinking I was dead. here let me give you a close up to make this easier”

“fuck yeah. it really is me, btw. just in case you still couldn’t tell on account of me also being like 100x prettier than you remembered. guess it’s just that blindingly handsome character development”

also, “the end of an era” um hello, yes, what?? just what exactly have I missed here with all this All Might stuff?? because apparently All Might just prior to this was in some sort of mortal danger, is what I’ve been hearing, because everyone keeps posting excitedly about Kacchan showing up in the nick of time to save him? which incidentally makes my heart so incredibly fucking warm omg. it’s what both of them need AND deserve

why is everything so goddamn sparkly right now. this is like a Sailor Moon battle over here

love that look of instant recognition and shock and overpowering relief in Deku’s eyes though. also has he really been fighting in this cracked out OFA-overflowing mode this entire time?? he looks just like he did on the cover of volume 37. I still haven’t seen his actual canon reaction to the “death”, and I haven’t been keeping tabs on his fight with AFO??/Tomura?? at all, but I’m glad it looks to have been as emotional as I could have hoped

aw fuck yeah

his precious card. I’m now almost as invested in the saga of the All Might card as I am in all the rest of this. it’s all beat to hell, but somehow still made it through in the end. just like him

oh. my. g

protect them.

protect them all.

so is the reason this fight is so sparkly just because of OFA symbolism, then?? or is there something else happening here?? goddammit, okay, I‘m gonna very carefully scroll back to the beginning of the chapter, because I’m 100% positive there is some sort of deeply meaningful symbolic thing going on here and I’ll be damned if I miss out on it, spoilers or no

-- oh my goD??!

1. BABY ALL MIGHT WHAAAAAAT

IS THAT HIS MOM???? OH MY GOD DID WE GET ALL MIGHT BACKSTORY. oh my god. oh god. no actually don’t tell me, ahhhh I cannot fucking wait to read this properly, holy shit

so did something wind up happening to Mighty Mom later on then?? feels like it must have, since he wound up getting so attached to Nana? man I don’t want to think about any of that stuff after seeing this panel though :( just, damn it, why is this man’s whole entire life so goddamn fucking tragic

“the one thing I’ve done most is looking back to the path I took” my god I cannot wait to read this. only two short pages and I’m already buried miles deep into my All Might feels. came here for the triumphant Kacchan return and now I’m sitting here tearing up about All Might, god damn you Horikoshi YOU’VE STILL GOT IT. and I am STILL A SUCKER FOR ALL OF IT

anyway, so now back we go to the last couple of pages with this additional context, aaaaand...

...and apparently I’m now full-on crying about All Might! (: well how about that. turns out when you read the manual and follow the instructions properly this series still works exactly as advertised. don’t mind me I’m just sitting here sobbing because everything is exactly what I wanted and I apparently don’t know how to deal with that!!

THEIR FEELINGS BECOME WHAT?!?!?!

EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED AND I’M GONNA BE A MESS ABOUT IT FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME BECAUSE LIFE IS GRAND!!

ARE ALL OF THESE WATERY SPARKLES LIKE. DEKU’S FUCKING TEARS LMAO OR WHAT. HOW IS KACCHAN IN THE SPLASH ZONE. HOW ARE HIS TEARS HOLDING UP THE SPACESHIP. I DON’T UNDERSTAND A GODDAMN THING BUT THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY A SHOUJOU MANGA, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

the urge to ruffle baby Deku and baby Kacchan’s hair is so goddamn powerful you don’t understand. this is PRIMAL. they are SO happy and SO good and perfect. I’m gonna fucking die

there’s not even any dialogue. what the fuck are they even gonna say. their expressions say it all and more. also they are being kind to me because they know I’m not caught up so they don’t want to spoil me any further, thank you my sons

lastly, I guess, because I don’t really have anything else to add now that my brain has fully turned to sappy mush: so uh. I truly have not the slightest clue how or why, but. does Kacchan have OFA though. and why is the answer, “yes he definitely does.” ???

like, I don’t understand it, but I confess that by now I have spoiled myself on the last few pages of chapter 362 for reasons (those reasons being “I finally gave in and looked at them on purpose, because I’d already seen most of them out of context here and there, and my willpower is only so strong”), and so I know that this boy was talking to vestige!Might, and as far as I’m aware that is 100% not possible unless he has some sort of connection to OFA in some way so yeah

and now here he on this last page being all Profoundly Connected with Deku while they gaze into each other’s eyes, and I can’t help but notice that said eyes are all explodey and they look a LOT like Deku’s actually. and on top of that we have all of this All Might symbolism that I’m still crying about, so like? ???

anyway so I’m not going crazy here right? like this is definitely a thing? for whatever reason?? unless you guys know something here that I don’t. in which case I actually am asking to be spoiled fully just this once, because at this point I just need to know one way or the other and I don’t care lol

anyway so that concludes my thoughts I guess! so now my absurdly ambitious goal is to speed read the manga this next week and hopefully at least catch up to Kacchan’s “death”, so that I can better understand what’s happening when I inevitably wind up spoiling myself for chapter 404 as well. the plan right now is to still type up my liveblog notes as I go, but to not worry about posting or editing anything in between chapters. so I’ll have a big backlog of chapter recaps which I’ll eventually get to uploading whenever I can, but in the meantime I can participate more in the fandom side of things. since I really want to share all of my endgame theories and so forth, but in order to do that I really need to find out just what the fuck is actually going on lol, so yeah

[lokigonnakmsforbucky]

Perfect (S.W.)

Sam Winchester x Plus sized F! Reader

Request: maybe some s1/2 sam? it’s the reader's first time, and sam js is really sweet to her, focusing on her pleasure, guiding her through everything, and noticing how she reacts to his touches and teasing her, just like body worship lol. nicknames, Sam being lowkey an oral god🤭 lol. maybe the reader is just a little bit shy because she is more chubby? idk if this makes sense but yeah!! I hope you can do this, have a lovely day <3 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Rating: Mature (minors DNI)

Warning: Some violence, p n v, unprotected (Wrap it before you tap it!), Sam Is an oral god 🤧, talk of insecurities, loss of virginity.

Gif, not mine*

A/N I am accepting requests and making a supernatural tag list!

The lock behind you clicking locked sounded like music to your ears. Working straight after class from 4-12 was exhausting, to say the least, at a bar nonetheless. Annoying college frat boys, creepy old men, prostitutes (get the bag sis), you get it though life is hard.

“Only two more months then Im out of here…” You whispered under your breath. You were right though, only two more months at Standford and you were off to do big things in the world.

The walk back to your small apartment outside of campus was cold and damp. You could feel how moist the air was and the cold breeze hit your face and your legs, yet you loved this weather. Not too hot nor too cold just a bit chilly. The trees around you had orange leaves and every house you pass had pumpkins outside carved with scary or funny faces. Halloween was just around the corner. You were ready for it.

For the first time in two years, you were ready for this Halloween. After everything that happened.

Jess.

You couldn’t believe what happened when you found out that Jessica, one of your closest friends from elementary school was killed in a freak fire accident and her boyfriend Sam found her.

You, Sam, and Jess were inseparable at Stanford. Even days before her death you guys were at a bar celebrating Halloween. Well, jess was. You and Sam were wearing the most boring casual clothes ever. You both didn’t like the attention.

The Party scene, the crazy frat boys, insane sorority girls. Wasn’t your thing. It wasn’t his. But it was all for Jess. Which made the arrangement work.

You lost contact with Sam shortly after Jess’s death. Which stung. Thinking he was one of your best friends and you lost your other to the crazy fire. Yet, life goes on.

The door to your apartment was dull, no sign on the door. No welcome mat. Nothing that indicated a human living there. Thats how you liked it.

You opened the door to find it pitch black in the room before you.

Thats odd. Did I turn the lights off? I swear I don't remember turning them off before I left.

Your mind was racing with questions, you reached towards the left, using the dim hallway lighting to shine just enough for you to see your light switch. You flick it and your apartment shines.

Your apartment was dull. School textbooks on the counter, your backpack on the chair. Your small tv looked dusty in the living room from the lack of use, and the sad couches that hardly were sat on.

You were never home hardly, from working shifts at the bar and school. The only downtime you had was in your bedroom in the comfort of your bed with the latest Stephen King book at your disposal.

You hang your jacket on the hanger and throw your keys on the counter. You sigh loudly, your body was ready for that date to the bed.

A bang in your room made you break your train of thought. You turn your head towards your room and grab a kitchen knife. Slowly making your way towards your room, your heartbeat was picking up slowly.

Your door was open like it was before, but you could feel that something was off. You flicked the light on and nothing was there. But, you discovered that your window was wide open and your books from your end table were on the floor.

You walk towards the window and slide it shut and look out. Nothing seemed to be different yet...something felt off.

You took another breath before you felt arms lock your upper half. You scream and thrash to no avail.

"Please don't be scared...I'm just very hungry. You will come back...don't worry." The voice belonged to a man, you know. You thrashed again and looked up to see yourself looking back. Your mirror showed the man behind you.

He was a kid...maybe only 19? Looked like a freshman in college in his Standford Sweatshirt. But, his teeth were sharp. You kicked the wall and to your surprise, you broke his hold on you as you both fell to the ground.

This was your chance.

You collected yourself quickly running through the door and into the living room grabbing the closest thing to you for cover. Which in this case was a light fixture.

The boy walked through the door, his breaths were heavy. "Look I didn't want to hurt you. "

"Well, I really wanna hurt you."

Sam? That voice couldn't have been him.

A bang of a shotgun went off from your right, you looked to your side to not only see Sam but another guy with him with the shotgun. The man beside Sam seemed to notice you staring at him. His green eyes piercing into yours.

“Get behind me!” He yelled.

You didn’t have to think twice, you ran behind him and Sam while they took care of the deranged man.

“Close your eyes y/n.” Sam finally spoke to you, a machete in his hand. The man beside him was above the man that was kneeling down in pain with a shotgun pointed at his head. You looked back up at Sam, and his face was still just as handsome as it always was.

“Please.”

You finally closed your eyes. Hearing Sam’s footsteps move in front of you. I could hear the deranged man grunting, “Damn you Winchesters. One of these days. We will Kill you.”

“Well, good thing today isn’t the day then.” You could hear Sam’s voice and then a grunt following with a thud.

“Y/n keep your eyes closed. I don’t want you seeing this.”

You kept your eyes closed, tempted to open them. Just to see Sam. He is finally back… after everything that happened. He’s back.

Maybe this is just a dream?

What felt like hours of your eyes being closed was mere minutes as you heard grunting and a door close soon after.

“You can open your eyes now.”

You slowly opened your eyes, your eyes stung from the bright lights, your vision blurry. You reached your hand up and rubbed your eye one by one. The room was still lit with your lamps on the sides of the couch, but you could see the traces of dark red blood on the floor. You could see they were smeared like they were trying to clean it.

“You…. Killed that boy?” You looked up at Sam, the person you hung out with the most, missed the most after everything that has happened.

“He.. wasn’t a human. He was a vampire and he was gonna turn you Y/n.” Sam’s voice was so quiet, like he was afraid you would be scared of him. But, you knew Sam. He would never lie about this.

“This can’t be real…” You looked around and walked towards the couch. Sam following behind. Sitting beside you.

“It is…everything in the supernatural is. My family has hunted them for years…after my mother died from the yellowed eyed demon. Like Jess.” Sam’s voice cracked of mentioning Jess. You slide you hand in his and squeezed.

“A demon killed her?” You didn’t want to believe it, but it explains how weird her death was.

Sam took a breathe and looked at you, “Yes. He did. But, we are going to kill him. The guy that was with me, thats Dean. My brother. He basically raised me while dad hunted to avenge my mother. Now… it’s just me and him.”

Sam never talked about his family much, but he always mentioned his brother a few times. Which explains the facial similarities of the green eyed hunter.

I took a breathe and let his hand go and rubbed my arm,“Why was the Vampire coming for me?”

Sam sighed, “Me and Dean found leads from recent vampire attacks a few towns over. Has to be a nearby the university. Says why a lot of students went missing too.” You grabbed my phone to see it was now 1:45 am, how has it been almost two hours sense this all happened? “The boy that attacked you, went missing a few weeks back. He was sent to take you.”

“To be a vampire?” Your voice cracked a little in fear. Sam nodded, “I wouldn’t have let that happen. You deserve a good life.”

You finally did what you wanted to do for so long, you wrapped your arms around Sam and gave him a hug.

“Sam Winchester you deserve a good life too. Don’t sell yourself short. Thank you for saving my life.”

Sam hugged you back tight, like you were going to disappear any moment.

“Your not safe here Y/n. I got a motel room downtown. Pack clothes and bring a book. I need to know you will be safe.”

————————————————————————

2 weeks later

The last few weeks have been eventful to say the least… Sam came back, you met his Metallica loving brother, they rid of the vampire nest and overall you finally felt at ease after the two years of not knowing what happened to Jess.

Sam and Dean stayed near Stanford to keep an eye on you and make sure all is well. Coming down any other day and eating at the diner or having a drink at the bar, (which meant free drinks while your manager wasn’t working since you were the bartender), and having a new friend and your best friend back. All was well.

Yet, you could feel some tension between you and Sam. You’ve always had a small crush on him, who hasn’t though? His thick hair, his height, his hazel eyes, plus his personality? People would be crazy to not have a tiny crush on him.

But, with this small crush you could feel the guilt in the back of your mind. This man was one of your best friend’s boyfriend.

What would Jess think if she was alive?

“Y/n!” Sam’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You looked up at him, your popcorn still in your lap as you we’re watching Scream on the Tv with Sam.

You came back home a few days ago and Sam wanted to spend a night over, since tomorrow he and Dean will be heading to South Dakota to see a friend of the family’s.

“Yeah?”

“You okay? You’ve been quiet for 30 minutes and you usually never shut up about Billy and Stu.”

“I’m just thinking…”

Sam paused the movie and turned towards me. “Spill it.”

You sighed and laugh a little. “Sam, it’s nothing.”

Sam took the popcorn out of my hands and scooted closed towards me, “Must be something if you are quiet for a long period of time.”

You took a breathe, Sam wasn’t gonna give up until you told him what was on your mind, “I’m just thinking about my future. I guess.” You laughed nervously.

“Your future? What about it?”

“Just thinking about everything, what I’m gonna be doing, Where I will be, If I would marry. Stuff like that.” Sam looked at you seriously after you mentioning marriage.

“Y/n, if someone wouldn’t marry you. I would be very surprised. Who wouldn’t? Your funny, down to earth, strong and plus your personality is amazing.”

You laughed, “Yeah. No. I’m not the looks of someone to be married.”

Moments passed, The silence thickened. You could hear your own breathing and Sam set down the popcorn on the table and took the blanket off of me and him. “Get up and come with me.”

“What?”

Sam grabbed my hands and pulled me up towards him. “Come with me. I have to show you something.” As he said that he took your right hand in his and walked towards your room and opened the door.

Your room looked the same as it always did. Bed maid, your window closed, your books on the table.

Sam took you in front of the mirror, him standing behind you.

“What do you see?”

You look at him through the mirror and give him an odd look.

“What?”

Sam took a breath, “In the mirror, what do you see?”

“I see me…. We done?”

“No. You see yourself, what do you see about you? What do you like or dislike?”

You rolled your eyes, “What’s your point, Sam?”

"I want you to see the beautiful woman, I see."

Beautiful? He was talking about me? Your mind was spiraling in thoughts. Years of self-doubt, men leaving you since you didn't fit into their "desires". Just to have Sam, your best friend and crush call you beautiful looking at you with no makeup, shorts that showed your curve, thick thighs touching each other, and a tank top that didn't hide your bloated stomach.

Beautiful.

"I want you to see how perfect you are to me. Your personality, your smile, how you change the room. " Sam chuckles, "Even your weird obsession with old 90 movies." Sam's hands gently roam down your body to be around your waist.

Beautiful. Perfect.

Not in a million years those two words would fall out of anyone's mouth. Not Sam's at least, You never would have thought that he would talk about you like that.

“Everything of yours is perfect. Your curves, your hips, your smile. " As he said that his hands were all over your body...touching every inch gently. You look at Sam through the mirror, "Sam..." Seeing his hands on your body felt fantastic and right.

"I know the past two years have been hard, I wish I was here for you. Things happened...but I am here now." Sam said his hand was now on my cheek caressing softly. "Let me have this chance."

You took a deep breath, this felt like a dream. Sam Winchester really said that and meant that.

You look up at Sam and nod your head. Instantly his lips met yours.

The kiss was full of passion yet gentle. Like You were a fragile art piece in a museum. His hand was on your waist and he pulled you in closer as he finished the kiss.

"Is this okay?" His hand had my shirt. You nodded your head and he took your shirt off revealing your black bra.

You covered your stomach as Sam looked at you, he wrapped his hands on your arms and moved them away, "I told you that you are beautiful, don't hide yourself from me.

Sam pinned your arms to your side and from your lips down to your stomach near the top of your pants. He kissed every scar, and stretch mark as he went. Whispering all sorts of sweet nothings, while he kissed you.

Sam looked up at you and smiled, "Take your pants off and lay on the bed baby girl."

You took a deep breath and turned from Sam, slipping your pants off and laying down on the bed. Sam was now shirtless and working on his pants.

Once he was left in his boxers he walked towards you and climbed on top of you, his face above yours. He gave you a small kiss on the forehead, the tip of the nose, and finally your lips.

It felt euphoric, the amount of times you never thought this would happen or even think you would be alone for all your life was out of the equation. You were happy.

With his small kisses, Sam cupped your breasts in his hands and softly squeezed them. Making you moan out softly. He lifted you up and unclipped your bra. You slipped out of your bra and allowed him to throw it on the floor. He kissed you once more before fondling your breasts and using his mouth on your nipple, swirling his tongue around your sensitive bud.

You softly moan and hold his head. Yanking his hair softly, Sam releases your nipple and looks up at you, "Better be careful Y/n. I want to take my time, but I will take you right now if you want."

Sam kissed your breasts and went down to your clothed pussy. Kissing the top of your underwear. His dirty talk made you feel excited for what's to come. Your underwear was soaked and Sam knew it, he rubbed your clothed pussy up and down making you moan out loud.

This was really happening. You were going to lose your virginity to Sam.

"Sam... I've never done this before." You admitted to him. He looked up at you and kissed your lips softly, "If you wanna stop we-" Before he could finish his sentence you cut him off with another kiss.

"I want you Sam."

You kissed Sam once more, deepening this kiss. His hands go back to your underwear and easily slide them off.

He breaks the kiss and goes down to my pussy, looking up at you before licking up and sucking on my clit. You moan out loud feeling the sensation of his tongue, Sam licked up and down and sucked on your clit before using a finger and thrusting in your pussy.

His one finger felt amazing inside, yet it stretched you out. If you couldn't take a finger. When he finally goes inside it may not fit. But, no matter the pleasure right now was overwhelming. You didn't want it to stop.

Sam does stop abusing your clit, rubbing your pussy, and adding another finger. You close your eyes and arch your back up, moaning out.

He was paying attention to everything that made you feel nothing but pleasure. He used his two fingers in a scissoring motion and that plus his mouth on you took you over the edge.

Your eyes feel blurry and your breaths are heavy, you could feel Sam's eyes on you. He leans up and kisses you. "Feel good baby girl?"

You smile and nod, "Yes."

You never noticed that Sam slipped his boxers off, his length hitting your thigh. You look down and take a breath.

It's a lot bigger than I thought...I don't think it would fit.

Your mind was spiraling and you could feel your nerves go through the roof.

"Don't overthink, keep your eyes on me. It will be uncomfortable but I am right here." Sam noticed you were in your head. His hands were rubbing your legs comfortably to make you relax. He kissed you gently and pulled you close to him as he rubbed his cock near your entrance.

Sam pulled away looking at you in your eyes, "You ready?"

A moment passed and you finally nodded your head. You wanted it You leaned up and kissed Sam once more. The head of his cock rubbing against your cunt.

During the kiss Sam thrusted in, You gasped in the kiss and he stopped moving while you looked like you were in discomfort.

When your face relaxed he thrusted again slowly until you told him to go faster.

The pleasure felt amazing, nothing felt better than being with Sam. You didn't want anyone else but him, the feel of his kisses, his touch. Was the most amazing thing you have ever felt.

The feeling of his cock filling you up to the brim felt amazing, how you stretched around to fit him and only him.

Sam was grunting as he thrusted, he started to moan softly kissing you while he thrusted into you. He gripped the sheets beside you as you gripped his shoulders filling him into you.

Sam pulled out and came on your stomach, "Sorry.." He chuckled and grabbed his shirt and cleaned you up, You smiled and looked down at him cleaning you up.

The one thing you knew for sure was that not only Sam was your first love, but no matter what he would always be your last.

[manzaza]

perirep with airpods promoting mY WHOLE REVIEW OF THE NEW WISH SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE OHHHHH MY GOD IT GOES SO SO SO HARD (under cut feel free to listen here (also on apple music + yt do in fact give it a listen please yay) !!)

theme song (all the singing songs)

— although i can never truly let go of the og the new theme song will always be a bop

— so upbeat, so happy !!!

new yorkity york

— hazel’s va is such an amazing singer PLEASE if there’s a season 2 give them a musical episode there are not enough musicl numbers

party possum’s friendship song

— better than the chuck e cheese one i heard in the theater earlier lollllllll

— the live band version ate i liked the difference

— unhinged version was so fun the nickelodeon drummer ate up

lovely love song

— still haven’t watched this episode (i was shopping when it aired oops)

— hazel was so silly idk what happens i just remember cupid being there (idk if he was in this at the end that might’ve been hazel’s dad)

i love fries

— HAZEL’S VA SLAYING AGAIN !!!!!

— banger song so real live laugh love fries

— cosmo + wanda contributed yay let them sing

time loops

— addiction,,,,, brainrot even,,,,,,,,,

— cosmo and wanda singing yayyy !!!

— the actual little yay at the end was so silly got a good chuckle

proud of my son — dubstep remix

— this was actually the funniest thing to watch i had this episode pulled up in a panera’s and i was just staring at it like “bro just took over the world for THIS”

— dev is ten so it does make sense

— almost

a new wish (yay background music !!)

— i love all the jazz in the ost just soooo so good

— reminds me of a sam and max kinda intro

— listening to this + the rest just makes me want a video game for ANW so so bad it would genuinely be so much fun to play (will genuinely plot out a tumblr post for this idea)

fly hazel

— banger warmup vibes in the intro

— love how some of the insteuments give like a fly-feeling gimmick (cause she’s a fly)

— little intro chord at the very end eats up

teacher’s pal

— might be one of my fav tracks

— nickeloxeon pianist and saxophonist are eating uppp

— 1:15 was so good

— nickelodeon symphony when

fearless

— somewhat out of place but still fits in with the show vibes

— very lurking

— fnaf 3 am jumpscare (idk i see more poppy playtime in this despite never watching or knowing anything about poppy playtime

— very cheerful kinda scary at the end (yay jasmine!!!)

wellingston hotel

— i rlly like hotel music play this at a marriott hotel NOW

— still haven’t seen this episode (i’m dying to watch it i need to see winn’s introoooo)

— sudden rich person music change

— love you nickelodeon saxophonist !!!!

dev dimmadome

— classic dev intro

— 0:54 is so cruel just label this project h whyyyyyyyy

— just sheer pain in the middle but then they remebered at the end “oh yeah he’s ten”

— it gets so intense at 1:30 broooooo

fairy heist

— i love spy music

— little dev-ness in the middle with the certain gimmick in his track (i might be crazy for this one but idk the “waeahwow” reminded me of something from his track + i think this was in the breaking into school scene idk)

prime meridian love

— literal anime ost

— eats with the dramatic intro

— it faintly reminds me of an ok ko track but just slightly at the beginning of some of the melodies idk might be crazy for this one too

peri and irep

— no way.

— actually no way.

— ship interacts once and they get their own song.

— the twist at the beginning of the track was so hype like the beat is just constantly at odds during this song (and because i’m just like that i have the track times put down too when they swap)

— to not make this any longer the noticeable parts after their intros are like 0:50–1:02 is peri-sounding and then 1:03–1:18 is irep-sounding and from then on their themes are always at a clash with more differences spotted at the end

— will say i love irep’s part at 0:32 and 1:03 that’s so funnnn ahh

— the little villainous laugh at like 1:50 was silly

— the little theme at 3:00 ahhh !!!!!

— might be another fav……. yeah def another fav my airbuds says so

viozalea

— feels so medieval at first and i love it

— quick just like viozalea’s appearance (rip)

rattlleconda

— fire western theme

— still in character with the show the beat was firee

— the soft violin gahhh sheer joy

— intense pressure put on at the end ate

love and games

— rock paper scissors core

— me when rock paper scissors

— wait i actually never watched the valentines episode

— uhhhhhhh second half might be rock paper scissors

— BANGS

— love u Nickelodeon drummer

battle of wands (FINALE)

— shut up this is too glorious of a melody

— ok intense

— oh might’ve just hit one million wishes idk how this song is following the episode

— the chaos in the rhythm eats

— littlt theme at 2:30 aghhhh won

— peri lying dead right after again idk how the episode paces through songs i can spot little scenes here and there

— banged

— little clock beat ahh the happiness

— can’t even tell what happened but good finale

OVERALL i really enjoyed the soundtrack i love how it tries and takes you through the course of the episode and it’s so so fun!! almost feels like video game music sometimes which is so so good for them like YES drop a new wish video game it would be so good !!!!

[pics-and-fanfics]

Alr time for me to relay the weird ass dream I woke up from today. Sorry for how long this is, but I’m trying to share every detail with yall.

My mom got a weird invite to a thing where she’d learn how to fix what was wrong with her car. There was no letter, just a ticket that would allow her to enter the place.

She dragged me with her, obviously.

So we get there, and figure out how to get to the 3 below ground levels (idk how I knew there were below ground levels)

We get to the below ground levels, and get caught after a few minutes, and return above ground, which had somehow morphed into a huge shopping center.

Some of my friends were there too, for some reason.

So we start shopping (???) and eventually catch wind of a rumor of every villain in Gotham (how’d we get teleported to Gotham, along with the store and everyone inside?) working together. (I realized it sounded a lot like “Shutterbug” by @goldkirk and knew we needed to get out.)

I beg my mom to let us leave, I want to go home, I don’t feel good. I used about every excuse in the book.

Well, everyone starts screaming out of nowhere a bit later, and slightly colored gas starts filling the air. Everyone is stampeding, trying to get to the above ground levels and leave. Oh yeah, we’d gone back downstairs, which were also turned into a huge supermarket for some reason.

Then Batman and Superman appear, and they start fighting like crazy, and Superman is slowly getting weaker from whatever was in the gas.

Me and my mom try to work towards the center of the store, where the escalators to escape were. People are still screaming, hallucinating whatever their worst fear is. Mine doesn’t manifest for some reason, but I was glad for it, being able to just ignore the feeling of being scared.

We have to fight our way through big groups of people, and for some reason I know how to do flips and complicated gymnastics moves out of the blue to try to get away faster. (Was I Robin?)

Me and my mom get to the escalators, thank god the power stayed on, and see the only one that wasn’t working had nobody on it. So me and my mom go up the empty escalator, and people start slowly following us, and the escalator starts moving.

I’m falling as I try to move up the escalator to get on solid ground faster, eventually giving up and just waiting until the escalator ends. We run to the elevator that was right there, right on the wall a few dozen yards in front of us.

People are already here, so we run to the one we took to get to the below ground levels originally, and open the elevator with the ticket my mom got.

Everything turns even more chaotic as people start getting eaten by those things that are people who made sound in “The Silence” on Netflix.

I scream, I’ll die. I did both.

The dream changes to this dude trying to explain why chickens were descended from leprechauns based on their tail and wing feathers.

A chicken off to the side clucks, and the dude turns away from his camera, and I (somewhere above the scene bc I’m dead) watch as the chicken does the famous velociraptor scratch thing with its foot before the chicken bites his ankle.

The lady who owns the farm runs out into the road, following the dude who’d stumbled into the road after being bit.

They go back and forth, the lady trying to warn the dude, and him being confused (wtf happened to all his memories?).

The dude gets hit by a car.

I, still dead, remember that I have a model of his death.

I wake up.

[roseshower]

Figured I’d Share my Fanfic?

Okay so, I like sharing stuff because I never shut up. I don’t know if anyone still actively reads Castlevania Alucard/Reader ficlets, but I made one a couple of months ago that’s ongoing at 5 chapters. To the voices in my head and my zero followers... feel free to read this little summary:

"The sleeping soldier will be met by a hunter, a scholar, and a guardian." After your teacher's untimely death at the hands of the church, you seek refuge underneath the city of Gresit to escape Dracula's Unholy Hordes of the Night. In doing so, you guard the tomb of the man Lisa had entrusted you to care for; the man you love, Adrian Tepes. Or, you happen to be the Guardian in the story you never asked to be in. - [Dhampir!Reader].

Basically the whole concept is a rewrite of the Prophecy based on the Series rather than the games (though rest assured there will be mentions of it because I like researching like a crazy person) that revolves around including one more active player in saving the world: you! Reader! Wazzah! And Guess what! You’re a dhampir! Crazy! Anyway...

If you want the link it’s here. (If the Link doesn’t work, the title is Querencia and I go by RoseShower on Ao3.)

And if you want a better synopsis, I’ll just throw in a scene here just in case y’all fw it.

He perks slightly. "...A fan," He mumbles. His eyebrows raise in surprise.

"Yes," You feel your cheeks get hot. "You know. Someone that admires. Um... that's why, I guess. Because your jokes were very funny. I liked the one about the vampire poet."

It takes him a second to remember. "The 'He went from bat to verse?' one?" The small curl of his lips jests with a fond air, and you breathe at ease that the subject drifted to lighter waters.

You grin. "That's the one."

He shakes his head. "That one was terrible."

You snort. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for puns."

The two of you go silent and stare.

Then, "...Not even a chuckle?" Your body unwinds, at ease and anticipatory of his reaction. The static air settles further, and you're content that nonetheless of your tentative history with one another, the two of you can banter like this. Like old friends would. Like... Like talking to Lisa again. But the silliness between him and Lisa is distinct, too. While the woes remain for his mother's cessation in a world that never deserved her, your soul constricts less because this is her son, not Lisa. This is Lisa's gift to the world. Your earnest centers palliate into tenderness when he angles his head away to stare at the water. He really is so much like his mother.

"Absolutely not," Adrian retorts, but the smile on his face is bigger. "That was dreadful."

Something compassionate shines on his face and you mimic the reflection you're blessed to see. "Don't tell me you're going batty on me now," You feign rolling your eyes.

"Oh god. You're still talking."

"Oh, bite me, y—Alucard." You catch yourself in time.

He seems to not have noticed. "That one was wholly unwarranted."

"Did you like it?" You blink innocently.

"...Still no. But I commend the effort," He huffs.

Your hands lower and form a bowl shape. "Fang you very much," You say gleefully and bring more water to your lips to drink.

He starts leaving as soon as you finish your last helping of water. "I'm leaving," He abruptly says, and you choke, splattering everywhere.

"Huh?" You cough and shake your hands to rid yourself of the residual droplets. "Why? Wait—"

He playfully clicks his tongue. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to your horrible jokes."

"I'm hilarious," You retort hoarsely, rising. You dismiss the confirmation that Adrian has not dimmed just yet. You banish the yearning in your chest that epitomizes a haunting intensity, restlessly dissolving the melancholic aberration you labeled onto your secret love earlier. Perhaps, you think stupidly, perhaps he's not gone just yet. If he can joke with you, if he can try... then Adrian can still be happy.

Adrian groans. "No, not at all."

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS-SEASON 3, EPISODE 1: LAZY HAZY CRAZY DAYS (PART 2)

Anyone seen Jess lately? Eh, we already know what (who) he's been into this summer. But yeah that was definitely Jess. Winter, spring, summer, fall. even with a broken foot, Taylor Doose does not cease, yield, desist, nor take a break from his quest to line his pockets with the money of the citizens of Stars Hollow, under the guise of some sort of charity event. Fun! Let me guess, the Bridge again?

Sounds like a good excuse for Jess Mariano to wear short sleeves and engage in some tonsil hockey underneath a tree.

Mmm, Window Doritos. Luke and Lorelai still haven't made up. She's been avoiding him and the diner the entire freaking summer? There's no way. Without Luke providing her daily supply of supermarket Folger's, she would wither away and die.

Scenes that take place outside of The Hollow are usually the most fun but I predict this is going to be lame. They got some early 2000's politicans to make cameos in this one, people I'm sure the 16 year olds watching this show when it aired (or ever) cared about.

Who's this putz? *squints at nametag* Nice to meet you...James. He looks like a nice normal generically handsome dude, maybe for once Rory could stand to go on a date with a handsome dullard who won't kick up any leaves, kinda like that time Richard and Emily tried to hook Lorelai up with this guy's father.

Paris Geller for President, Rory Gilmore as her first lady.

You don't have a prayer with either of them Jamesy. Ohhhhh. James is JAMIE. Of course. I remember this generically cute, mass-manufactured piece of untoasted WonderBread now. The one who...takes Paris' virginity. Welp I guess I have to take back the whole "You don't have a prayer" thing then.

Paris agrees to dinner plans with UTWB (Untoasted White Bread), not realizing she agreed to a date, and Rory has to tell her what happened, and when Rory is more knowledgable about dating and relationships than you are, you know you have work to do. So what we have here is a fine blend: one part Paris being unable to relate to people, one part confusion about her sexuality, a subject that this show will refuse to ever touch on, and one part realizing she agreed to a date with a boy who is a bottle of human Nyquil, throw this all in a blender and you've got a recipe for a Paris Geller nuclear anxiety attack.

Kirk our neurodivergent king.

You do not, don't lie to him like that. Lorelai did invent a vanishing cream though. She slathers it on every time she leaves work in the middle of the day. Lorelai: Don't cows eat hay? Kirk: Yes, but "Grass There" is a bad name. LOL, that got a good laugh out of me. We love you Kirk. Keep being you. Lorelai and Emily have a pointless debate on the phone about what date Rory was supposed to be arriving home, Lorelai says she's coming home on Saturday whereas Emily insists she was misled to believe she would be home in time for FND tomorrow. Jesus Christ, Emily. Can't you let that poor girl decompress and have some time to herself after being away from home all summer? Can you let her skip one FND? Rotten. Emily wants to know where Crusty is and Lorelai says Satan is "Away on business". "Away on Business"=In the firey shrieking depths of hell (Boston?) Emily wants her beloved Crusty to join FND tomorrow. I swear to god if I have to fast forward past yet another Crusty FND I'm gonna scream.

No no no no. NO. Where is Alex? Bring me Alex! #SaltyIsAnAlexStan #PossiblyTheOnlyAlexStan

JarPad has a real talent for making every thing Dean says sound so ominous and serial-killer like. Rory: That gives me three hours to look presentable. Should I go blond?

He should want her to go blond because it'll be easier to conceal her identity when he kidnaps her and takes her on the run. Not only does Emily want to wrench Rory off her flight in mid air to force her into FND but she's agreed to meet Dean immediately after his plane touches down only 3 hours after her own?! Not only that, it's September 3rd, which means a new school year is starting next week, she's trying to talk Paris down from a nuclear anxiety attack and get her ready for her first date, I'd say that I don't know how Rory is acting so calm under all this pressure but we know she's bottling it up inside like a powder keg ready to explode and it's just a matter of time. Is this his home or a hotel room? It looks like a serial kiler's motel room on the side of abandoned highway. That chair is made of human skin. That's totally a serial killer's old tv, one where he holes up watching America's Most Wanted and grainy news reports about his own escape from justice. "My plane is arrving at 6" he says, unaware that the police tapped his phone lines. That shirt looks like something he took off of one of his victim's or bought from a dying K-Mart in some small town, where there's a cashier named Phyllis who's been working there for 30 years, he paid cash, tried to avoid looking directly into the store's security cameras, Phyllis just smacks her gum as she rings up his serial killer polo shirt, gallon of bleach, tarps and rubber gloves. To be fair, Jess threatens to murder Dean and dump his body in a ditch not long after he's already murdered Shane and fed her to the swans in this season. All the more reason Dean and Jess should call a truce, realize they have more in common than they think, and leave Rory alone.

Whew. There's so much to unpack in just these two sentences. Just like all the dead bodies Dean Forester has to unpack from his trunk.

That's what his victims say before he leads them to their demise. Rory has to hang up on Dean Wayne Gacy because Paris is melting down as her date with Nyquil approaches. Dean has to hang up because the SWAT team is about to bust down his door.

Rory's reaction to Dean saying "I Love You". She doesn't say it back. Stay tuned for part 3.

[mr-jaybird]

action scene writing tips

a couple days ago, i mentioned that i love writing action scenes and was happy to give advice on them. @charlezarrd asked me to write some up, and tragically i have been busy writing code and not fanfic. but here they are, just a little late!

this got long, so tips below the cut:

action scenes are all about tempo. when i'm writing an action scene, i am generally trying to write something that will make my readers feel like they're on a breakneck race to find out what happens next. real life dangerous situations (and i've been in more than i'd like) tend to feel very fast, like your perceptions can't even keep up with everything happening around you. it's that feeling i try to replicate when writing

to achieve that, it's okay to bend grammatical rules. i will deliberately write run on sentences, with clauses that would normally be a sentence on its own separated by a comma, in order to induce a feeling of rushing from one thing to the next with no time to separate your thoughts/feelings/experiences

for example, from my work:

She’s not going to make it, she’s not going to make it, she pushes and pushes and refuses to let herself open her mouth and speed up the drowning by trying to gasp in air that isn’t there.

each of those clauses could be its own sentence, but they're all running into each other instead!

the em dash is also your friend—using one like so can enable you to jump from one action-packed thought to the next, creating a sense of urgency

another example:

Aloy breaches the surface, drawing in air, but after a few huge gasps she looks down and sees Talanah below her, perhaps ten feet away, motionless and sinking—there is no hesitation.

it creates an abrupt, decisive feeling in your work!

if your scene goes long enough, it can be important to put pauses in that rapid tempo in to create breathing room. a good use of that can be taking a paragraph to show your character thinking through their tactics or strategy, which can show they are approaching the situation intelligently rather than reactively (if that's what you're trying to convey)

if you DO want the character to come across as reactive, you can take a pause instead with them taking a hit and needing a moment to catch their breath and get up from it, talking about the sensations it induces and/or the decision to keep going

for physical fights specifically, i tend to visualize it in my mind as comic book panels

for example:

He’s so much faster than Lis would have thought given his size, and even as she tries to dodge out of his way, he’s grabbed her and tossed her back against the wall. Lis hits with her shoulder, hard, and stumbles, slightly dazed. He’s already brought a fist to her stomach though, and Lis doubles over, winded, gasping for breath. The man strikes her back, hard, and she crashes to the floor.

each sentence there was a "panel" to me, and i needed to briefly describe each to have the fight work as a sequence. visualizing them that way helps me keep the fight sequence moving fluidly and logically

in general with fight scenes, it's important to keep track of which limbs are currently where and make sure each action flows naturally into the next—in complete honestly, i find it mechanically very similar to writing sex scenes in that respect

it's also important to remember that action scenes are often just as much mental as physical. pay attention to your character's reactions and emotions and highlight them occasionally as you go, so that you don't lose the emotional heart of your story in an action scene that's not actually saying anything about the character

above all else, have fun with it! think of crazy scenarios and go wild. don't get intimidated out of writing something you don't know--god knows i have never fought a giant robot t-rex

that's what i've got for now, hope it helps!

[r1999-transcript]

A Nightmare At Green Lake 04 - Cheap Syrup

Blonney: “AHHHHH!!!”

Anne: What was that?! Did someone scream?! My God, Jason, we have to check it out! I know they like to fool around, but we are here now …

Anne lowers her voice and looks into the depths of the shadow. She remembers the terrible story about the woods.

Jason: Michael, stay here and take a rest. Shh, don’t make any noise.

Michael: Uggh … uggh, alright. They will all be fine hah?

Jason: Hope so.

…

Anne: Blonney! Blonney! Stop playing hude and seek! This is not funny!

Jason: Wait, look over there.

A waist-height bush shakes suspiciously. It’s lush enough for an adult to hide behind.

Anne: Blonney? No, Freddie? Are you there? Not funny at all! Not cool! You two always like to spook people like this. I will not believe …

Butcher: Huh … hah …!

Jason: Anne, stay back!

Anne: Aaaaah!

The sharp blade cuts through the bushes, and their noses instantly catch the grassy smell. They stumble backward and fall to the ground.

Jason: What the hell was that! Fuck! Those stories are all true, all true! How’s that possible? It is not in compliance with the law of nature!

The smell of blood hits them. Anne looks up and sees her friends, who are lying behind the bushes and looking lifeless.

Anne: Oh, no! No no no! This is not happening! Oh, Lord!

Jason: No more crying Anne! Stand up, run! I will look out for you, run!

Anne: They … both of them are dead! My God! Jason … the blood is all over the place.

Jason helps his trembling friend get back on her feet. His legs are shaking as well, but they have to keep on running, as they dare not look back.

Jason: Don’t think too much. Don’t look back. Run, speed up!

Anne: Jason, head down!

Jason: Uggh…

Butcher: Hah…

Anne: No! Don’t … Heavens! Jason!

The blood of her dear friend fiercely spews out of his body like a can of shaken soda was finally opened. The body without a head falls backwards. The air is fishy. Anne keeps retreating, one step after another.

…

Giant Critter: *roar*

Horropedia: Damn it! It’s catching up!

Sonetto: It’s moving too fast. I’ve never seen a critter this big! Not only the size, its strength and speed are also much enhanced from what we learned in the arcane creatures class! It took Ms. Tooth Fairy’s velvet pocket. We have to bring it down before it’s too late!

Vertin: Horropedia, do you have some cobweb bullets to trap it?

Horropedia: Only one left. Are you sure we have to fight it in the woods? We don’t have an edge. The campsite was completely destroyed within 15 seconds. I don’t suggest that we kill ourselves in this way.

Vertin: According to the map, there is the other campsite built in a wider region. We can fight it there! Turn left here, keep going for a hundred meters, and then cross the bush!

Giant Critter: Hiss!

Horropedia: Wow!

Vertin: Shoot that bullet! It’s going to get you!

Horropedia: What a pity! I was thinking of catching something else!

Giant Critter: *roar*

Sonetto: Excellent! It’s trapped!

Vertin: The bush is right over there. Follow me. Let’s speed up!

…

Michael: Coo, uggh … Hah …

Michael suffered an agonising death. He lied between bushes, moaning in pain as he lost more and more blood.

Anne: No, no, no …

As for Anne, she is like a tape player which only plays repeated screams. She monotonously repeats her denial of the situation, and circles the camp rounds after rounds. But the butcher’s blade always lands on the ground one inch behind her heel, not even touching one bit of her body.

Butcher: Heh…

Anne: Don’t, don’t get closer! No, don’t! Wait, you people are …

The figure jumping out of the bushes is coming straight at her. Anne closes her eyes in desperation.

Sonetto: Aaaahhh! My apologies, I didn’t mean to intrude … My God! What, what has happened here?!

Before coming out to the other side of the bush, none of them has ever expected such a horrific scene.

Horropedia: A crazy murderer? Student campers? Oh, this is much more interesting than I expected.

Vertin: Protect the victims. Get ready to fight!

Anne: Who are you?! And the bushes? Why did you come out of the bushes?

Sonetto: Worry not, Miss. Please get behind. You’re safe with us.

Anne: No no, that’s my friend! And they aren’t …

Sonetto: I understand. They deserve a decent funeral, after I take care of this demoniac creature.

Sonetto grasps her wand, keeping her friend behind.

Sonetto: May the peace be with us.

Tooth Fairy: Sonetto, calm down.

Michael: No! Don’t bury me … I don’t … wanna die …

…

Sonetto: What …

Michael: Hmm … *puff* hah! Ahem ahem … this taste of cherry syrup is killing me!

Sonetto: You … You’re still alive?

Michael: Ah? Of course, what kind of question is that!

Sonetto: But you were vomiting blood, and that gentleman over there doesn’t even have a head attached to his body.

Tooth Fairy: That’s a prop. It looks like a real one, nicely done. You add bloody-taste substitute into the cherry syrup which makes it smell like the real blood. Be prudent about the dosage because it’s slightly addictive … *smells* You’ve used too much.

Sonetto: What on earth is happening?

Tooth Fairy: This is a … theatre. Or, it is a filming site. These young people are busy with their business, while we just interrupted them.

Anne: I’m Anne. Are you two the actors Jennifer recruited?

Tooth Fairy: I’m afraid I don’t know this Jennifer you are referring to.

Anne: Ah. My bad. She sometimes goes by the name Blonney. It was just me who always call her Jennifer.

Blonney: Fuck it! Damn it! You idiots! Get your ass up. There’s no way we can use this take!

The “bodies” covered in blood get back on their feet one after another. A girl with blonde hair and blood stains on her face rushes angrily over.

Anne: Here she comes! Sorry, excuse me.

She quickly wags her hands horizontally in front of her chest, turning around and trotting towards her friend like a fluttering little bird.

Blonney: You! Who are you?

Vertin: Vertin.

Blonney: No, no! That’s not what I’m asking!

Horropedia: Ha? Are you asking me? I am Horropedia.

Horropedia’s eyes light up, looking at each one of the people standing before him.

Horropedia: And you are … the big one, the athlete; the smaller one, the fool; and the slim one, the scholar. The only girl who’s standing here. It seems like the first girl who lay down, I’m talking about you, a … ahem, alright, a blondie.

Blonney: What the hell? What is in your shrinked brain?! I’m asking who the hell you are, why you are here, and what do you break into my film site for?!

Vertin: Film?

Anne: Yes, we were in the middle of shooting a movie, a horror movie. Jennifer is our dire … director? And playwright … is that the word?

Horropedia: Horror movie? Here?

He blinks. His face is suddenly lit by an unusual glow.

Horropedia: Where is your gear? What’s the story?

Blonney: What’s your business here?

Horropedia: What? Or, aren’t you confident enough?

Blonney: The gear is right here! And the script too! Take a good look at it, smartass!

Horropedia: … Recorder CCD-TR57? The latest version, a pretty one. It costs quite a lot and has many features. Optic camouflaged outer shell, long stand-by time for operating independently, and hand gesture triggered flashlights and lighting adjustments … Wow! It’s the first time to see a real one other than those advertisements printed on magazines. Wjat a coincidence. How do you use the flash?

Blonney: Hey! Wait! Take your hands off me!

She was not quick enough to avoid Horropedia, who pinches the edge of her sleeve and drags her arms moving up and down.

Horropedia: With a snap? A wave? Or adjusting your glasses? Or an applause?

Blonney: Let go of me!

Horropedia: Ahahahaha, it’s the applause! Now it’s easier!

Blonney: Unbelievable! What the hell do you think you are doing?! Piss off!

Giant Critter: *roar*

Horropedia: … 5’31”, the sticky bullet should have been four times more powerful than this, but still within my estimation. Hey! Blondie, clap your hands!

Blonney: God! Damn it! For freak’s sake! Look what you brought here!

The blonde girl shakily claps her hands.

Giant Critter: Hiss …!

The autofocus Recorder ascends, generating a strong light as Blonney claps her hands. The gigantic critter roars in pain, aimlessly waving its claws in the air with tremendous force. The Recorder is hit, and exploded into pieces.

Blonney: My camera!

Vertin: Good. Now it’s time!

[princessfbi]

63. Moment that makes you go i n s a n e?

54. Favorite Buckley siblings moment?

39. Your favorite headcannon?

1. What made you start the show?

63. Moment that makes you go i n s a n e?

Oh my GOOOOODDDDD! Probably the entirety of Buck Begins but especially the Chimney and Buck scene in the locker room. Also the whole lightning strike arc. ALSO ALSO when Hen wipes away the blood from Buck's face and Eddie's like cry of pain when he was being crushed. I remember I was practically vibrating for a whole week after he got shot too.

54. Favorite Buckley siblings moment?

My. GOD!!!! You picked the hardest fucking questions.

I mean just the fact that Maddie gave up something so that Buck didn't have to lose something to find himself makes me going fucking bananas. Maddie hovering after Buck getting struck by the lightning strike. The fact that Maddie told Buck she was leaving when she went to get help for her PPD. Her coming to talk to him about therapy. When Buck and her crash into each other after Doug?

NO NO NO! I think it's gotta be when he comes home from the hospital after the lightning strike and she kisses his fucking birthmark?!?!?! I MEAN COME ON! I THINK THAT'S MY ANSWER FOR ABOVE TOO!

39. Your favorite headcannon?

Ohhhhh I have so many! I like Buck is always cold and I like that Eddie gets clingy in his sleep (GIVE ME SNUGGLE MONSTER EDDIE DIAZ). Also I love Buck loving when people play with his hair.

1. What made you start the show?

So, I actually saw the promos and I watched way more procedurals back then so it was a pretty easy sell. I was a little hesitant about RM but I watched when it aired and fell in love. Then life got crazy and I was in a lot of toxic work soul sucking situations so it just sort of became the show I watched regularly. But then COVID happened and I realized I had missed an episode and decided to do a rewatch! The rest is history!

Send Me WeeWoo Asks Please!

[f-ferrari-forever]

Your titles are making me laugh. 🤣 Dare I request "Cat Max thing" and "shit series 5"? 🤭

Dare I say I don’t fully remember? Okay, kidding, mostly.

Cat Max thing is a very short beginning to *that* crazy idea we discussed with Aya for the Christmas fic, aka Max can shapeshift into a big cat and Charles cuddles him. Was the polar bear meant to be Carlos? 100% true to this day.

When Charles wakes up, something soft and warm is nuzzling his face.

His bleary eyes can just make out a fluffy, yellow fabric pressing up against his skin. It even makes a faint, buzzing sound, almost like a static lullaby. Charles sighs, content, giving in to that soothing touch. Compared to the dry patches painfully tightening on the left side of his face, his right cheek feels like baby skin; it's possibly the most comfortable pillow he's ever slept on.

Perhaps Andrea slipped it in his suitcase, and Charles, jetlagged and sleepy, tossed it on the bed along with his fuzzy socks. He cuddles up to it, sliding his fingers through the unbelievable fine threads. It feels almost—furry?

Confused, Charles delivers a few hesitant pats.

The pillow hisses back.

Charles leaps to his feet, fumbling for the light switch as images of polar bears and severed limbs flood through his mind. In his haste, he forgets about the stupid wooden headboard and bangs his head so hard he sees stars.

He gets a strangely worried "Meow?" in response.

shit series 5 is actually a very funny story. Back when I first joined the fandom, I wrote a 4-part 4433 series in which they try to get over their problems through bds*, and they fail spectecularly at it (there’s actually zero fun times in it, it’s just angst). Anyway, this was back in the days when my view was really biased. Max is actually more or less based on Kaz Brekker (wtf, 2021 Pi?). Hence, shit series.

So, shit series 5 was born after Aya read the original 4. Spoiler alert: lestappen is endgame even in my 4433 series. It’s meant to explore the relationship between Max and Charles, and how different it is from Lewis and Max, while 4433 become really good friends. Didn’t get that far in this one either, but here’s a snippet:

Taking Jimmy and Sassy for a walk, is frankly speaking, a biohazard in the making. A biohazard for Max’s sanity, that is.

Jimmy tugs on the leash whenever they pass another animal, eager to befriend just about anything that moves and blinks his way. Sassy, his vicious protector, growls and bites at anyone that dares to come within half a meter of her brother. Max wants to claw his eyes out.

He lacks Charles's patience and has no desire to develop it. Holding Jimmy in an honest to God baby-carrier draped over his chest so the cat can’t escape is no way in hell an option. Max may love the kitties to pieces, but he has his limits.

So when Jimmy acquires a new friend, in the shape of an adorable little bulldog, Max wants to scream. Thankfully, Sassy takes care of it instead. What she doesn’t do, however, is chase Jimmy around the park until she is out of breath. That, regrettably, is reserved for Max.

He reaches Jimmy just as the bulldog starts licking his head, clearly smitten by his new feline friend. The Jimmy effect, Charles would joke. Sassy arches her back as soon as her little eyes rest on the scene ahead, her leash still securely clutched in Max's fingers. He pants out a “No,” but it’s more of a wheeze. Sassy hisses back.

“Your cats are crazy, man,” the dog’s owner informs him, as if it’s supposed to be news to Max. He chuckles, and it turns into full-blown laughter when he meets the man’s eyes.

Of fucking course this would happen to me.

Warm brown, filled with the shock of recognition, flanked by finely groomed brows stares back at him. There are blonde highlights now streaking through Lewis’s braids, his outfit a little plainer than Max is used to, but still exuding that carefree, put together air.

Max knows Lewis is anything but carefree.

[lastofthe20thcenturygirls]

heyaaa! hope you are having a wonderful day, if it's comfortable with you can I ask for some k drama recs I really liked coffee prince and reply 1988 but can't find something similar

hiii, so i haven't seen reply 1988 but i really loved reply 1997 which was first in the reply series followed by reply 1994 (haven't seen this either so idk if it's good or bad)

here's some classics that really got me addicted to kdramas back when i started watching

full house: my first kdrama. very silly but cute af. back when romcoms didn't used to have serial killers in them the ost my beloved

my name is kim sam-soon/ my lovely sam soon: fake dating/ bickering. and the background was a restaurant i think. i had so much fun binging it. sam-soon really was the best.

boys over flowers: a classic adapted from a classic shoujo manga where you'll find every crazy thing that can only happen in a drama. it's absurd at times very many times but it's addictive af. also great soundtrack

playful kiss: i became a jung so-min stan after this. tho i like the taiwanese version best now it was fun binging it when i didn't know of the tw version.

personal taste: lee min ho pretended to be gay because he wanted to get inside a house for architectural reasons. i did like it. maybe check it out because the pain gong yoo felt, son ye-jin also goes through something similar although it was different.

my girlfriend is a gumiho: fantasy romance about a 900yo nine tailed fox and a wannabe action star. it was fun and cute and i cried at times too. shin min-a is the most beautiful human to walk this earth. great songs esp lee sun-hee's fox rain (acoustic)

sungkyunkwan scandal*: female lead pretends to be a boy because she wanted to study in a university when women weren't allowed to study. university ofc full of boys

rooftop prince*: time slip romance. was extremely popular

my love from another star: a top star gets accused of murdering her rival. lives across from a professor who's a 400yo alien who ends up becoming her manager. first romance drama i remember watching where there was a serial killer. both the second leads were annoying af

some other faves of mine that aren't as old

i can hear your voice: lee jong-suk can read minds if he looks into your eyes. public attorneys and prosecutors and a killer. loved it

pinocchio: news channels and reporters and fake news. one of my favourite kdramas ever. there's very few that keep you hooked from the beginning till the end. not one bad episode. i made so many people get into this one and everybody loved it too. great ost. you won't see vlc media player the same after this. made by the same people who made ichyv so you might enjoy it more because of some references but it's alright otherwise too.

healer: do you believe in the poooower of ever lasting loooooove.... another one in my forever faves that i got other people into. the chemistry of jcw and pmy was through the roof. people died because of them. some of the best kissing scenes ever too. no love triangle. reporters and tabloids and a messenger and world's greatest ahjumma. first couple of episodes weren't that good but i promise it gets so much better after my beloved Park Bong-soo shows up. usually i am not for english songs in kdramas but eternal love by MLTR has a special place in my heart.

fated to love you: jang hyuk and jang na-ra are just too good together. i watched because of ailee's goodbye my love and then regretted not starting it when it was airing. all of the soundtrack is great. lee gun's laugh >>>

her private life: since you loved coffee prince i am sure you liked kim jae-wook and this was his first kdrama lead role after everyone waiting for god knows how many years. couldn't watch it when it was airing because i was in my kdrama slump but when i got out i regretted not watching then. pmy and kjw together are just soooooo

one more happy ending: i just love jang na-ra. romcom with good songs about 4 women trying to find love again. jung kyung-ho and jang na-ra need to work together again idec about the genre.

come back ahjussi: two dead guys come back to life hotter. one in a man's body and other in a woman's. had fun watching it. ratings were low because one of the most overrated kdrama was airing at the same timeslot.

jealousy incarnate/ don't dare to dream: weather girl finds out the anchor she'd have a crush on forever had breast cancer. it's a romcom. had a love triangle and gave people major second-lead syndrome not me tho. back when gong hyo-jin used to be the romcom queen. great soundtrack

extra-ordinary you: and it was extraordinary. fantasy romance about an extra who is just trying to keep herself alive. eun dan-o was the life of the drama. high school romance. green flaggest male lead (i don't usually say that for anyone but he sure was). good songs and very rare for me to say that for a soundtrack of a drama only as recent as 2019.

crazy love: kjw is just too good in romcoms. this drama was crazy as the name suggests and hella fun. lee sin-a you'll always be famous.

lovely runner: ended just this tuesday and idk if you watched it but definitely worth watching. up there with pinocchio being good from the beginning till the end and no bad episode im sight. great songs great cast great characters. first loves time slips rain sunshine k-pop idols it had everything. ten years from now it'll surely be in the classics list

*haven't watched so i can't if they're good or bad but used to be very popular and were always in kdrama rec lists back then.

[dankusner]

So You Think You’ve Been Gaslit

When Leah started dating her first serious boyfriend, as a nineteen-year-old sophomore at Ohio State, she had very little sense that sex was supposed to feel good.

(Leah is not her real name.)

In the small town in central Ohio where she grew up, sex ed was basically like the version she remembered from the movie “Mean Girls”: “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die.”

With her college boyfriend, the sex was rough from the beginning.

There was lots of choking and hitting; he would toss her around the bed “like a rag doll,” she told me, and then assure her, “This is how everyone has sex.”

Because Leah had absorbed an understanding of sex in which the woman was supposed to be largely passive, she told herself that her role was to be “strong enough” to endure everything that felt painful and scary.

When she was with other people, she found herself explaining away bruises and other marks on her body as the results of accidents.

Once, she said to her boyfriend, “I guess you like it rough,” and he said, “No, all women like it like this.”

And she thought, “O.K., then I guess I don’t know shit about myself.”

Her boyfriend was popular on campus.

“If you brought up his name,” she told me, “people would say, ‘Oh, my God, I love that guy.’ ”

This unanimous social endorsement made it harder for her to doubt anything he said.

But, in private, she saw glimpses of a darker side—stray comments barbed with cruelty, a certain cunning.

He never drank, and, though in public he cited vague life-style reasons, in private he told her that he loved being fully in control around other people as they unravelled, grew messy, came undone.

Girls, especially.

Sometimes, when they were having sex, Leah would get a strong gut feeling that what was happening wasn’t right.

In these moments, she would feel overwhelmed by a self-protective impulse that drove her out of bed, naked and crying, to shut herself in the bathroom.

What she remembers most clearly is not the fleeing, however, but the return: walking back to bed, still naked, and embarrassed about having “made a scene.”

When she got back, her boyfriend would tell her, “You have to get it together. Maybe you should see someone.”

A few months after they broke up—not because of the sex but for “stupid normal relationship reasons”—Leah found herself chatting with a girl who was sitting next to her in a science lecture.

It emerged that this girl had gone to the same high school as her ex, and when Leah asked if she knew him the girl looked horrified.

“That guy’s a psycho,” she said.

Leah had never heard anyone speak about him like this.

The girl said that, in high school, he’d had a reputation for sexual assault.

Some of what she described sounded eerily familiar.

“The idea that he would want to have power over a girl while she was asleep was as easy for me to believe as the idea that he needed air to breathe,” she said.

“It reminded me of every sexual experience I had with him, where he had all of the power and I was only a vessel to accept it.”

Leah went back to her dorm room and lay in bed for almost two days straight.

She kept revisiting memories from the relationship, understanding them in a new way.

Evidently, what she’d understood as “normal” sex had been something more aggressive.

And her ex’s attempts to convince her otherwise—implying that she was crazy for having any problem with it—were a kind of controlling behavior so fundamental that she did not have a name for it.

Now, six years later, as a social worker at a university, she calls it “gaslighting.”

These days, it seems as if everyone’s talking about gaslighting.

In 2022, it was Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year, on the basis of a seventeen-hundred-and-forty-per-cent increase in searches for the term.

In the past decade, the word and the concept have come to saturate the public sphere.

In the run-up to the 2016 election, Teen Vogue ran a viral op-ed with the title “Donald Trump Is Gaslighting America.”

Its author, Lauren Duca, wrote, “He lied to us over and over again, then took all accusations of his falsehoods and spun them into evidence of bias.”

In 2020, the album “Gaslighter,” by the Chicks (formerly known as the Dixie Chicks), débuted at No. 1 on the Billboard country chart, offering an indignant anthem on behalf of the gaslit: “Gaslighter, denier . . . you know exactly what you did on my boat.”

(What happened on the boat is revealed a few songs later:

“And you can tell the girl who left her tights on my boat / That she can have you now.”)

The TV series “Gaslit” (2022) follows a socialite, played by Julia Roberts, who becomes a whistle-blower in the Watergate scandal, having previously been manipulated into thinking she had seen no wrongdoing.

The Harvard Business Review has been publishing a steady stream of articles with titles like “What Should I Do if My Boss Is Gaslighting Me?”

The popularity of the term testifies to a widespread hunger to name a certain kind of harm.

But what are the implications of diagnosing it everywhere?

When I put out a call on X (formerly known as Twitter) for experiences of gaslighting, I immediately received a flood of responses, Leah’s among them.

The stories offered proof of the term’s broad resonance, but they also suggested the ways in which it has effectively become an umbrella that shelters a wide variety of experiences under the same name.

Webster’s dictionary defines the term as “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”

Leah’s own experience of gaslighting offers a quintessential example—coercive, long-term, and carried out by an intimate partner—but as a clinician she has witnessed the rise of the phrase with both relief and skepticism.

Her current job gives her the chance to offer college students the language and the knowledge that she didn’t have at their age.

“I love consent education,” she told me. “I wish someone had told me it was O.K. to say no.”

But she also sees the word “gaslighting” as being used so broadly that it has begun to lose its meaning.

“It’s not just disagreement,” she said. It’s something much more invasive: the gaslighter “scoops out what you know to be true and replaces it with something else.”

The term “gaslighting” comes from the title of George Cukor’s film “Gaslight,” from 1944, a noirish drama that tracks the psychological trickery of a man, Gregory, who spends every night searching for a set of lost jewels in the attic of a town house he shares with his wife, Paula, played by Ingrid Bergman.

(The jewels are her inheritance, and we come to understand that he has married her in order to steal them.)

Based on Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play of the same name, the film is set in London in the eighteen-eighties, which gives rise to its crucial dramatic trick: during his nighttime rummaging, Gregory turns on the gas lamps in the attic, causing all the other lamps in the house to flicker.

But, when Paula wonders why they are flickering, he convinces her that she must have imagined it.

Filmed in black-and-white, with interior shots full of shadows and exterior shots full of swirling London fog, the film offers a clever inversion of the primal trope of light as a symbol of knowledge.

Here, light becomes an agent of confusion and deception, an emblem of Gregory’s manipulation.

Gregory gradually makes Paula doubt herself in every way imaginable.

He convinces her that she has stolen his watch and hidden one of their paintings, and that she is too fragile and unwell to appear in public.

When Paula reads a novel by the fire, she can’t even focus on the words; all she can hear is Gregory’s voice inside her head.

The house in which she is now confined becomes a physical manifestation of the claustrophobia of gaslighting and the ways in which it can feel like being trapped inside another person’s narrative—dimly aware of a world outside but lacking any idea of how to reach it.

The first recorded use of “gaslight” as a verb is from 1961, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, and its first mention in clinical literature came in the British medical journal The Lancet, in a 1969 article titled “The Gas-Light Phenomenon.”

Written by two British doctors, the article summarizes the plot of the original play and then examines three real-life cases in which something similar occurred.

Two of the cases feature devious wives, flipping the gender dynamic usually assumed today; in one, a woman tried to convince her husband that he was insane, so that he would be committed to a mental hospital and she could divorce him without penalty.

The article is ultimately less concerned with gaslighting itself than with safeguards around admitting patients to mental hospitals.

The actual psychology of gaslighting emerged as an object of study a decade later.

The authors of a 1981 article in The Psychoanalytic Quarterly interpreted it as a version of a phenomenon known as “projective identification,” in which a person projects onto someone else some part of himself that he finds intolerable.

Gaslighting involves a “special kind of ‘transfer,’ ” they write, in which the victimizer, “disavowing his or her own mental disturbance, tries to make the victim feel he or she is going crazy, and the victim more or less complies.”

On its way from niche clinical concept to ubiquitous cultural diagnosis, gaslighting has, of course, passed through the realm of pop psychology.

In the 2007 book “The Gaslight Effect,” the psychotherapist Robin Stern mines the metaphor to the fullest, advising her readers to “Turn Up Your Gaslight Radar,” “Develop Your Own ‘Gaslight Barometer,’ ” and “Gasproof Your Life.”

Stern anchors the phenomenon in a relationship pattern that she noticed during her twenty years of therapeutic work: “Confident, high-achieving women were being caught in demoralizing, destructive, and bewildering relationships” that in each case caused the woman “to question her own sense of reality.”

Stern offers a series of taxonomies for the stages (Disbelief, Defense, Depression) and the perpetrators (Glamour Gaslighters, Good-Guy Gaslighters, and Intimidators).

She understands gaslighting as a dynamic that “plays on our worst fears, our most anxious thoughts, our deepest wishes to be understood, appreciated, and loved.”

In the past decade, philosophy has turned its gaze to the phenomenon, too.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/phpe.12046

In 2014, Kate Abramson, a philosophy professor at the University of Indiana, published an essay called “Turning Up the Lights on Gaslighting,” which she has now expanded into a rigorous and passionately argued book-length study, “On Gaslighting.”

Early in the book, she describes giving talks and having conversations about gaslighting in the decade since publishing her original article: “I still remember the sense of revelation I had when first introduced to the notion of gaslighting. I’ve now seen that look of stunned discovery on a great many faces.”

The core of Abramson’s argument is that gaslighting is an act of grievous moral wrongdoing which inflicts “a kind of existential silencing.”

“Agreement isn’t the endpoint of successful gaslighting,” she writes.

“Gaslighters aim to fundamentally undermine their targets as deliberators and moral agents.”

Abramson catalogues the ways in which gaslighters leverage their authority, cultivating isolation in the victim and leaning on social tropes (for example, the “hysterical woman”) to achieve their aims.

Outlining the various forms of suffering that gaslighting causes, Abramson stresses the tautological bind in which it places the victim—“charging someone not simply with being wrong or mistaken, but being in no condition to judge whether she is wrong or mistaken.”

Gaslighting essentially turns its targets against themselves, she writes, by harnessing “the very same capacities through which we create lives that have meaning to us as individuals,” such as the capacities to love, to trust, to empathize with others, and to recognize the fallibility of our perceptions and beliefs.

This last point has always struck me as one of gaslighting’s keenest betrayals: it takes what is essentially an ethically productive form of humility, the awareness that one might be wrong, and turns it into a liability.

Any argument in which two people remember the same thing in different ways can feel like a terrible game of chicken:

the “winner” of the argument is the one less willing to doubt their own memories—arguably the more flawed moral position—whereas the one who swerves first looks weaker but is often driven by a more conscientious commitment to self-doubt.

Being a philosopher, Abramson spends a good deal of time defining the phenomenon by specifying what it isn’t.

Gaslighting is not the same as brainwashing, for example, because it involves not simply convincing someone of something that isn’t true but, rather, convincing that person to distrust their own capacity to distinguish truth from falsehood.

It is also not the same as guilt-tripping, because someone can be aware of being guilt-tripped while still effectively being guilt-tripped.

At the same time—and although Abramson recognizes that “concept creep” threatens to dilute the meaning and the utility of the term—her own examples of gaslighting sometimes grow uncomfortably expansive.

(And her decision to use male pronouns for gaslighters and female pronouns for the gaslit also reinforces a reductive notion of its gender patterns.)

Both the book and her original essay open with a list of more than a dozen “things gaslighters say,” ranging from “Don’t be so sensitive” to “If you’re going to be like this, I can’t talk to you” to “I’m worried; I think you’re not well.”

It’s hard to imagine a person who hasn’t heard at least one of these.

The quotations function as a kind of net, drawing readers into the force field of the book’s argument with an implicit suggestion:

Perhaps this has happened to you.

Growing up in Bangladesh as the daughter of two literature professors, a woman I’ll call Adaya often had difficulty understanding what other people were saying.

She felt stupid because it seemed so much harder for her to comprehend things others understood easily, but over time she began to suspect that her hearing was physically impaired.

Her parents told her that she was just seeking attention, and when they finally took her to the family doctor he confirmed that her hearing was fine.

She was just exaggerating, he said, as teen-age girls are prone to do.

Adaya believed what her parents had said, though she kept encountering situations where she couldn’t hear things.

It wasn’t until her mid-thirties, in 2011, that she finally went to see another specialist.

This was in Iowa, where she’d moved for a graduate program in writing after her first marriage, in Bangladesh, fell apart.

The clinician told her that her middle-ear bone was calcifying; it was a congenital problem that had almost certainly affected her hearing for at least twenty-five years.

Waiting for a bus home from the hospital—in the middle of winter, with a foot of snow all around her—Adaya called her mother to tell her.

She responded without apology (“You’re old enough to take care of yourself, so take care of yourself”), and let another six years pass before casually disclosing that the family doctor had found something wrong with Adaya’s hearing, all those years before.

When Adaya asked why they had kept this from her, her mother replied, “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to be weak about it.”

Of all the people who approached me on X with testimonies of gaslighting, I found Adaya and her story particularly compelling because her diagnosis eventually offered her a kind of irrefutable confirmation—something the gaslit crave, but often never receive—that allowed her to confront the dynamic directly.

For Adaya, the damage of her parents’ deception went beyond the hardships of her medical condition.

“It made me feel that what I was experiencing in my body was not real,” she told me. “All my life I was told I was lying and exaggerating. . . . In those years when my sense of self was being formed, I was being given a deficient version of myself.”

It was part of a broader pattern.

From an early age, Adaya told me, she felt that she didn’t fit in with her family without quite knowing why.

Eventually, she realized that this sense of falling short had arisen from things her mother said.

She thought of herself as ugly because her mother said so, disparaging her dark skin; when she got a skin infection, she was made to believe it was because she didn’t keep herself clean enough.

“If your mother cannot see the grace and beauty in you, who can?” Adaya said.

That sense of shame and worthlessness propelled her toward an abusive marriage

(“The first boy who told me I was worth loving, I moved toward him”) and kept her in it for years.

The idea of gaslighting first began to resonate with Adaya when she finally went to therapy, in her forties.

She had gone in order to understand the dynamics of her failed marriage, but came to see that the problems went deeper.

As she wrote in one of her first messages to me, she found it easier to talk about surviving domestic violence than about the emotional violence she experienced in her childhood.

The things her mother had said about her “dislodged and disoriented and to some extent destroyed my sense of self.”

Adaya has come to divide her life into three parts:

her youth, when she believed in the version of herself shaped by her mother’s narrative;

the period of adulthood when the hearing diagnosis caused her to wrestle with that narrative;

and the current era, in which she has a stronger self-conception and is in a stable romantic relationship.

She was able to arrive at this point in part because her therapist helped her identify her relationship with her parents as one of gaslighting.

Looking back on herself when she was young, she says, “I almost feel like it’s a different person—like she is my child, and I want to take care of her.”

The psychoanalyst and historian Ben Kafka, who is working on a book about how other people drive us crazy, told me that he thinks our most familiar tropes about gaslighting are slightly misleading.

He believes that, although romantic relationships dominate our cultural narratives of gaslighting, the parent-child dynamic is a far more useful frame.

When I visited Kafka in the cozy Greenwich Village office where he sees his patients, he pointed out that, for one thing, the power imbalance between parents and their children is intrinsically conducive to this form of manipulation.

Indeed, it often happens unwittingly: if a child receives her version of reality from her parents, then she may feel that she has to consent to it as a way to insure that she continues to be loved and cared for.

(And what other sense of reality do we have at first, besides what our parents tell us to be true?)

Additionally, gaslighting later in life almost always involves some degree of infantilization and regression, insofar as it creates an enforced dependence.

Lastly, and crucially, Kafka’s orientation toward parent-child bonds stems from an essentially Freudian belief that the dynamics at play in our adult relationships can usually be traced back to those we grew familiar with in childhood.

There are many memoirs that recount experiences one might call gaslighting—indeed, the very act of writing personal narrative often involves an attempt to “reclaim” a story that’s already been told another way—but few trace the lasting residue of parental gaslighting as deftly as Lily Dunn’s “Sins of My Father.”

When Dunn was six, her father left the family to join a cult who called themselves the sannyasins and preached a doctrine of radical emotional autonomy.

At thirteen, Dunn went to spend the summer at her father’s villa, in Tuscany, where he lived with a much younger wife (they’d got together when he was thirty-seven and she was eighteen) and a rotating crew of fellow cult members.

In the entrancing but unsettling paradise of the villa—with its marble floors and grand staircases, shoddy electricity, and plentiful vats of wine—one of her father’s middle-aged friends began trying to seduce her.

After kissing her in the kitchen, his skin leathery and his breath stale from cigarette smoke, he whispered, “I want to have sex with you,” and invited her back to his camper van to listen to his poems.

When Dunn told her father how anxious these sexual advances made her, he replied that she shouldn’t be worried.

“You could learn something,” he told her. “He’s a good man. He’ll be gentle.”

(He changed his mind once he learned that his friend had gonorrhea.)

For Dunn, her father’s failure to affirm her sense of being preyed upon was far more damaging than the other man’s predation.

Years later, whenever she asked her father to acknowledge that his behaviors had affected her, he would gaslight her even more.

Echoing the teachings of his sannyasin guru, he acted as if it were inappropriate for her to blame him for any emotional damage:

“‘You can choose how you feel,’ he said, again and again. ‘It has nothing to do with me.’ ”

For years after that incident, Dunn told me, “I could never trust that what I was feeling was quite right,” because she’d been consistently told by her father that she felt too much, and that she needed to deal with these feelings on her own rather than foisting them onto others.

At fifteen, she began her first serious romantic relationship, with a much older man (he was thirty-two), and found it almost impossible to trust her suspicions about him.

Looking back, it’s clear to her that he was living with his female partner, but he said that the woman was just a roommate, and Dunn didn’t have the confidence to disbelieve him.

Instead, she told me, she got lost in obsessive thought patterns, trying to figure out whether this man was lying or if she was being paranoid; she couldn’t concentrate properly because she was so consumed by this circular thinking.

“I thought I had to work it out myself,” she said. Looking back, she sees herself frantically trying to play two roles at once: she was the anxious child, who knew something was wrong but couldn’t figure out what, and the adult who was attempting—but not yet able—to take care of things, to make them right.

Sitting in Kafka’s office thinking of Dunn and Adaya, I found myself swelling with indignation on behalf of these gaslit children, taught to feel responsible for the pain their parents had caused them.

But beneath that indignation lurked something else—a nagging anxiety coaxed into sharper visibility by the therapeutic aura of Kafka’s sleek analytic couch.

I eventually told him that, as I worked on this piece, I had started to wonder about the ways I might be unintentionally gaslighting my daughter—telling her that she is “just fine” when she clearly isn’t, or giving her a hard time for making us late for school by demanding to wear a different pair of tights, when it is clearly my own fault for not starting our morning routine ten minutes earlier.

In these interactions, I can see the distinct mechanisms of gaslighting at work, albeit in a much milder form: taking a difficult feeling—my latent sense of culpability whenever she is unhappy, or my guilt for running behind schedule—and placing it onto her.

Part of me hoped that Kafka would disagree with me, but instead he started nodding vehemently.

“Yes!” he said. “Within a two-block range of any elementary school, just before the bell rings, you can find countless parents gaslighting their children, off-loading their anxiety.”

We both laughed.

In the moment, this jolt of recognition seemed incidental, a brief diversion into daily life as we crawled through the darker trenches of human manipulation.

But, after I’d left Kafka’s office, it started to feel like a crucial acknowledgment: that gaslighting is neither as exotic nor as categorically distinct as we’d like to believe.

Gila Ashtor, a psychoanalyst and a professor at Columbia University, told me she often sees patients experience a profound sense of relief when it occurs to them that they may have been gaslit.

As she put it, “It’s like light at the end of the tunnel.”

But Ashtor worries that such relief may be deceptive, in that it risks effacing the particular (often unconscious) reasons they may have been drawn to the dynamic.

Ashtor defines gaslighting as “the voluntary relinquishing of one’s narrative to another person,” and the word “voluntary” is crucial—that’s what makes it a dynamic rather than just a unilateral act of violence.

For Ashtor, it’s not a question of blaming the victim but of examining their susceptibility: what makes someone ready to accept another person’s narrative of their own experience?

What might they have been seeking?

In addition to working as a psychoanalyst, Ashtor has studied and taught in Columbia’s M.F.A. program in creative nonfiction (where I also teach), and she thinks a lot about the connections between gaslighting and personal narrative.

I asked her how patients tend to narrate their gaslighting experiences: how often they come to her with the idea already in their minds, and how often she is the one to bring it up.

Ashtor said that, if she introduces the term, she tries to use it as a placeholder, a first step in figuring out what was at play in a relationship.

When patients introduce it—and sometimes she can sense a patient wanting her to use it first—she may be skeptical, not because they are wrong but because they usually haven’t fully reckoned with their own role in the dynamic yet.

It’s as if they are trying to close something by invoking the word—to mark it as settled, figured out—whereas she wants to open it up.

Ashtor says it frequently becomes clear that patients are very attached to the term “gaslighting,” and fear something will be taken away from them if she disputes it.

The question of what would be taken away is an illuminating one, and it raises an even trickier question: what did the dynamic give them in the first place?

The issue of susceptibility gets thorny quickly; it can appear to veer dangerously close to victim-blaming.

Ashtor doesn’t believe in the old psychoanalytic idea that everything that happens to us is somehow desired, but she does think that it’s worthwhile to investigate why people find themselves in certain toxic dynamics.

Without discounting the genuine suffering involved, she finds it useful to ask what her patients were seeking.

Ashtor wondered aloud to me whether there could be something “good” about gaslighting, and why it feels so transgressive even to suggest that this might be the case.

“There’s a real appeal in adopting someone else’s view of the world and escaping our own,” she told me. “There are very few acceptable outlets in our lives for this hunger for difference.”

Ashtor thinks that therapeutic examination of a gaslighting dynamic can bring you closer to understanding something crucial about yourself: a complicated relationship to motherhood, say, or the effects of certain imbalances or conflicts in your parents’ marriage.

The work is to “understand what’s getting enacted and why.”

One doesn’t necessarily emerge from this type of examination with a self that is entirely “cured” or integrated, but it can, as she says, allow one to “live in closer proximity to the questions and struggles that animate the self.”

In working with patients to better understand their experiences of being gaslit, Ashtor is hoping to give them a different way to engage with the impulses that led them there.

Although most accounts of gaslighting focus on interpersonal dynamics, Pragya Agarwal, a behavioral scientist and a writer based between Ireland and the U.K., believes that it’s more useful to consider the phenomenon from a sociological perspective.

“People who have less power because of their status in society, whether it be gender, race, class, and so on, are more susceptible to being gaslighted,” she told me. “Their inferior status is used as leverage to invalidate their experiences and testimonies.”

She spoke of instances in medicine in which genuinely ill patients are repeatedly told that their symptoms are psychosomatic.

Endometriosis, for example, is an underdiagnosed condition, she said, because women’s pain is often discounted.

Similarly, in the workplace, minorities who report microaggressions may be told that they are being “too sensitive” or that the offending colleague “didn’t mean it like that.”

In this view of gaslighting, it becomes harder to see the utility of susceptibility as a framing concept.

When I asked Agarwal about what role the gaslit party might play in the dynamic, she replied, “I don’t believe that it is the responsibility of the oppressed to create conditions where they wouldn’t be oppressed.”

What does the gaslighter want?

In the 1944 film, the gaslighter’s motivation (to steal Paula’s jewels) is so cartoonishly superficial that it seems like a stand-in for something larger—a metaphor for the desire to undermine a woman’s self-confidence, perhaps, in order to keep her dependent.

In real life, casting the gaslighter as a two-dimensional villain seems insufficient, another way of avoiding a reckoning with complicity and desire.

The question of the gaslighter’s motivation often becomes a chicken-or-egg dilemma: whether their impulse to destabilize another person’s sense of reality stems primarily from wanting to harm that person or from wanting to corroborate their own truth.

Think of the college boyfriend who convinces his girlfriend that all sex involves violence—is his fundamental investment in controlling her or in somehow justifying his own desires?

Abramson writes that both goals can be at play simultaneously, such that a gaslighter may be “trying to radically undermine his target” and also, “in a perfectly ordinary way, trying to tell himself a story about why there’s nothing that happened with which he needs to deal.”

(Indeed, as she points out, gaslighters “are often not consciously trying to drive their targets crazy,” so they may not always be self-aware enough to distinguish between these reasons.)

If the need to affirm one’s own version of reality is pretty much universal, it makes sense that a desire to attack someone else’s competing version is universal, too.

Yet, in the popular discourse, it can seem as if everyone has been gaslit but no one will admit to doing the gaslighting.

Kristin Dombek, in her 2014 book, “The Selfishness of Others: An Essay on the Fear of Narcissism,” discusses how narcissism, once solely a clinical diagnosis, became an all-purpose buzzword.

In her view, we hurl the accusation of pathological selfishness at others as a way of making sense of the feeling of being ignored or slighted.

Gaslighting is not a clinical diagnosis, but, as with narcissism, less precise applications of the term can be a way to take an inevitable source of pain—the fact of disagreement, or the fact that we are not the center of other people’s lives—and turn it into an act of wrongdoing.

This is not to say that narcissism or gaslighting don’t exist, but that, in seeing them everywhere, we risk not just diluting the concepts but also attributing natural human friction to the malevolence of others.

Although “gaslighting” is a term that many members of Gen Z have grown up with, one teen-ager I know expresses its perils in this vein succinctly: “Every time someone gets criticized or called out, they just say, ‘Oh, you’re gaslighting me,’ and it makes the other person the bad guy.”

It doesn’t help that the accusation is essentially unanswerable: “No, I’m not” is exactly what a gaslighter would say.

Even a third party who disputes someone’s account of being gaslit is threatening to inflict the same harm as the gaslighter.

No wonder the issue of proof is crucial in many accounts of gaslighting: the tights on the boat, the charts that show decades of hearing loss, the other women who were assaulted.

These are empirical life preservers that pull us out of the epistemic whirlpool.

In proving that our past perceptions were correct after all, they also seem to guarantee that we are correct now in our feeling of having been hurt.

Such certainty is possible only in retrospect, however. Inside the experience of gaslighting, Abramson writes, “the gaslit find themselves tossed between trust and distrust, unstably occupying a world between the two.”

Which is to say, the more adamant you are that you’re being gaslit, the more probable it is that you’re not.

On Reddit, a man laments, “My last GF loved to tell me I was ‘gaslighting’ her every time I simply had a different opinion than hers. Infuriating.”

Has he been gaslit into thinking he’s a gaslighter?

Part of the tremendously broad traction of the concept, I suspect, has to do with the fact that gaslighting is adjacent to so many common relationship dynamics: not only disagreeing on a shared version of reality but feeling that you are in a contest over which version prevails.

It would be nearly impossible to find someone who hasn’t experienced the pain and frustration—utterly ordinary, but often unbearable—that comes when your own sense of reality diverges from someone else’s.

Because this gap can feel so maddening and wounding, it can be a relief to attribute it to villainy.

At the climax of Cukor’s film, Paula confronts her husband with the truth of his manipulations.

(He has been tied to a chair by a helpful detective. She is brandishing a knife.)

He doubles down on his old tricks, trying to convince her that she has misinterpreted the evidence and should cut him free.

But Paula turns his own game against him: “Are you suggesting that this is a knife I hold in my hand? Have you gone mad, my husband?”

In a further twist, she inhabits the role of madwoman as a repurposed costume:How can a madwoman help her husband to escape? . . . If I were not mad, I could have helped you. . . . But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I’m mad, I’m rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!

On its surface, this final scene offers us a clear, happy ending.

The gaslit party triumphs and objective truth prevails.

But deeper down it gestures toward a more complex vision of gaslighting: as a reciprocal exchange in which both parties take turns as gaslit and gaslighter.

This is a version of gaslighting that psychoanalysis is more congenial to.

In the Psychoanalytic Quarterly article from 1981, the authors describe a “gaslighting partnership” whose participants may “oscillate” between roles: “Not infrequently, each of the participants is convinced that he or she is the victim.”

In this sense, gaslighting is both more and less common than we think.

Extreme cases undoubtedly occur, and deserve recognition as such, but to understand the phenomenon exclusively in light of these dire examples allows us to avoid the more uncomfortable notion that something similar takes place in many intimate relationships.

One doesn’t have to dilute the definition of gaslighting to recognize that it happens on many scales, from extremely toxic to undeniably commonplace.

Ben Kafka told me that he thinks one of the key insights of psychoanalysis is that people respond to anxiety by dividing the world into good and bad, a tendency known as “splitting.”

It strikes me that some version of this splitting is at play not only in gaslighting itself—taking an undesirable “bad” emotion or quality and projecting it onto someone else, so that the self can remain “good”—but also in the widespread invocation of the term, the impulse to split the world into innocent and culpable parties.

If the capacity to gaslight is more widely distributed than its most extreme iterations would lead us to believe, perhaps we’ve all done more of it than we care to admit.

Each of us has been the one making our way back into bed, vulnerable and naked, and each of us has been the one saying,

Come back into this bed I made for you.

X

[feuqueerfire]

My Personal Weatherman Live Blogging

Haven't watched a new jBL in soo long, I'm excited, especially because this had dubcon, undefined, weird dynamics with BDSM undertones? overtones? not sure but I've heard something to that degree and have seen a couple gifs: The bound hands one is the most prominent and I've seen it a few times but I decided to actually consider watching this after seeing this gifset about "you life is all mine" like oh you guys are kinda fucked

Ep 1 (Mar 20)

Okay, the weatherman (Segasaki Mizuki) so far seems callous and strict? harsh? but I listened to some podcasts discussing the show when I thought I wasn't gonna watch it and remember somebody saying he thought they were in a consensual relationship with this dynamic, so that's fun ig

oh they had sex lol

oh it's a flashback I was like that's sudden

"From now on, we'll do it on sunny days. Be prepared." That's crazy but I think I remember something about them only having sex on sunny or rainy days

ohh is he pent up/frustrated that it's been raining and they haven't been having sex lol

Weatherman guy seriously finds manga artist cute probably because he orders him to give him soy sauce during dinner but literally smiled last time and also this time while watching him hah

manga guy being pliant while he's manhandled ah

bruh "open your mouth" immediately made me think he was gonna spit in his mouth but I don't think they're gonna do that in a live action lol

"After all, we're not even lovers" would you both agree with that assessment? lol

"I'm already bound to him as a slave. It's only natural that I obey his voice" wow this guy is crazy, I get Mizuki's desire to dom him lol

Girl you're 3 years into this situation?

Are you excited about not having to have sex in a while?

His name is Yoh. He seems to both want and not want sex, or maybe he just doesn't want to want it. He obviously has a thing for Mizuki despite saying he doesn't. Seems to be in denial though lol

Ep 2 (Mar 20)

Oof, immediately watching next ep, I guess

All the cooking + now feeding Mizuki, ah

I understood that the little tissue doll is to make rain stop based on the ep 1 on-air comments but if I hadn't known, I'd be so confused why he throws it away angrily lol

rolled my eyes at the cleavage comment

Mizuki talking about holding back and going for a kiss...

oh dang, Yoh actually fighting back. is he brave bc he's drunk?

ohhh lol Yoh's missing his pants and the tissues are strewn about because he was jerking off

oh my god, this is crazy actually I love it like so much happening: Yok talking about making money and leaving this place + saying Mizuki doesn't like him and when Mizuki is like wtf?? Yoh tells him to go have sex with the other weather forecaster because Mizuki's never smiled at him like that like ohhh he's so jealous

Ah, so he sleeps with Yoh the day before a sunny day because then the bedsheets will dry

but also funny af to do that instead of just buying more sheets tf

Ah, Mizuki leaving him high and dry

Is this now a game of wills? Whether Yoh will admit to not hating Mizuki? anyway, this show is so fun, why did I not add it to my watchlist until last month when the gifsets got to me smh

I hope I end up liking it until the end

Ep 3 (Mar 21)

omg so she knows that Yoh lives w a guy (bf lol) and tat he likes/hates Mizuki weatherman but not that they are the same person

Ep 4 (Mar 21)

omg Mizuki so controlling it’d piss me off in another show and yet…

not them both being jealous of the girl

Ep 5 (Mar 21)

not a job crisis D:

truly a crazy ass show, the water passing kiss scene was from here?

taking his clothes off for him to bath is so

lol Mizuki becoming the startled one when Yoh takes initiative

i get Yoh feeling like Mizuki doesn’t care and looks down on him because how can he be so nonchalant about his art and job

not the tracking, be so fr

I watched eps 3-5 in bed at like 7:30-9AM, so that's why I wrote so little lol

Ep 6 (Mar 21)

Yoh being a bullied loner who has to run errands and Mizuki going to help him is sooo Utsukushii Kare. It might be a common trope idk but that instance is all I think of

her husband is so fun lol but I'm nervous that Mizuki is gonna see them T.T

no fr it's so fun that her and her husband (idk either of their names rip. her name is maybe Kasami?) are so casual like she expressed her attraction for Mezuki and he was playing around suggestively with Yoh without the other being jealous/overbearing about it. Mezuki and Yoh could never lmao

what is this misunderstanding pls Is Mezuki asking about what's so great about Kasami's husband bc he thinks that's the editor that Yoh mentioned + they were flirting while Yoh thinks Mezuki's asking about the manga character he saw (that Mezuki doesn't know is based on him?)

not Mizuki's eye twitching as he remembers Yoh with the husband bc of his coworker's glasses lmfao

Ep 7 (Mar 21)

Both Yoh and Mizuki getting hung up on the other smiling at other people in ways they don't smile at them

ohh Yoh taking care of a sick Mizuki in the college days

omg Yoh first time cooking for Mizuki was to take care of him when he was sick? No wonder Mizuki fell in love with Yoh over shitty curry + insisting that only he himself gets to eat it so that Yoh doesn't know that it tastes bad loll

the food as love language goes crazy here fr

"Draw me more. The parts deep inside of me that even I don't know of, I don't mind it if you're the one exposing them."

omg the tying hands

The fact that Mizuki apparently tied Yoh's hands to make sure he doesn't go out is so aklsdjflkadfjs this line of "I'll hide you away in our house/bedroom" hits fr in like a 4k explicit smut fic but usually not in an actual romance show however this specific series toes the line well enough that I'm having a blast lmfaoo

Ep 8 (Mar 22)

Last episode hmm will they be able to actually wrap things up?

how am i even suppoaed to feel cuz i just feel insane

girl clear up the manga and the husband misunderstandings Right Now y'all have barely any time left lmfao

did Yoh just not understand that Mizuki was using the manga's lines as a love confession?

Like, I can't decide if that ending is enough... like okay hmm... like yeah do they understand each other fr? More than ep 1 I guess but not... enough? idk

also I really wanted Mizuki to realize that the glasses guy is Mansa's husband

Overall:

The concept is so delicious wtf and the execution is mostly good but I wish it was more fleshed out (never really saw a proper resolution to Yoh being mad that Mizuki doesn't take his manga job seriously and idk if they actually fully worked out their problems in the last ep lol). It was a very fun and exciting watch.

Rating: 6/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I've watched in 2024: 6.5 -> 6]

[braceletofteeth]

Oh yeah I binged it in a couple days, it was a blast!

I absolutely loved officer Oh. Since he was a secondary character I was scared sth would happen to him if he got too involved :( also the drug lady. Not a good person but I loved her vibes and how she and her partner were the only antagonists that actually seemed to care abt each other (the other ones threw their allies under the bus at every opportunity)

Speaking of antagonists, I knew that guy was bad news the moment he said "you have beautiful eyes". Didnt predict the twist with his identity or anything and I even tried to rationalize that maybe it's common to compliment ppl to break the ice, make them comfortable for the session? Still when the reveal happened I was all "i knew you cant be trusted!!!" at him

I was surprised at how much I cared about the story and plot and characters other than the main 2, even though I basically started watching because I came from Strangers from Hell and saw the same actor + homoeroticism and was like fuck yeah sign me up

Glad you liked it so much!! ❤ I believe Bad And Crazy has a good comedy-drama balance, so it's light enough to watch in one go, but also meaningful enough to not be forgotten immediately after, if that makes sense.

About Officer Oh: you are not alone! I remember the fandom being particularly protective over him back when the show was airing. He was declared the cinnamon roll in no time. My favorite scenes with him were the ones with Inseon, the little girl from the first case 🥺 They were adorable.

Boss Yong and Andrei were like real family. They were fiercely loyal to each other, hence why Yong would willingly give up her freedom to avenge his death, despite, theoretically, having the option to flee instead. That's not the kind of emotionally driven decision we'd expect from her at first, frightening and sharp-witted mafia boss that she was, but Andrei was that important to her. They found their way into that lifestyle together, and he was probably the only one she had left, not to mention the only one she could trust and lean on. Their connection is not something that can be replaced easily, so I understand why she would go to such extremes after he was gone.

Oh, God, what was the name of that guy again... Ah. Yes. Yunho. It took me a moment, but I don't think I can ever forget it (I've cursed his name way too many times for that lol). Honestly, the first time I watched that scene, his "you have beautiful eyes" made me feel so uncomfortable and unsafe?? I wanted nothing more than to take Sooyeol and run. But I also remember coming here after the episode ended, to see what everyone else thought of him, and getting taken aback when the general reaction was "Does anyone get a little bit of a gay vibe???", in constrast to all my instincts blasting red signs that said Creep alert! Creep alert!

Trying to solve the mystery and identify Yunho along with the characters was a lot of fun (even when it was confusing, stressful, and we were all going mad in front of our little murder boards), and I had pretty much the same reaction as you did with the reveal XD Gotta trust your instincts!!

I got into the Lee Dongwook fandom through Strangers From Hell, and since then I've watched all kinds of things he starred at; some good, others not so much. BAC was full of surprises, and I have many good memories related to the time I was watching it, so I'd definitely put it up there as one of my favorites. Sometimes I really miss the gang 😔 (so much that, at some point since I started answering your ask, I also started my 2nd rewatch, so thank you for pulling me back in 😅)

Hope to see you next time Dongwook gets a role in a drama with homoerotic tones, anon! o/ Or because of any other stuff you'd like to talk about :)

Bye~💛

[thereal-true-ogilvie]

THE EMOTION REBLOG.

in order, every time he shows strong emotion in an allistic human way

[Color coded by emotion. Evil/angry is red. Surprised/Shocked is orange. Happy/friendly is yellow. Concerned/Distressed is green. Hurt/Sad is blue. Anything said through laughter is purple. Other/I don't know is pink]

ACT 1

Why are you yelling at me?

[His evil laugh after jumping down the elevator]

Can’t FUCKING believe it. Don’t FUCKING talk to me.

TOMMY! :D TOMMY!

WAIT... I told you not to touch anything!...Hey!

What did you do?

Niice.

Let me out of this BOX.

Don’t shoot me! Why are you shooting at me? I should’ve never let you in here.

Watch out! [note: this actually wasn't audible, but was heard in the behind the scenes. He says this before shooting a pigeon that's behind Gordon.]

ACT 2

Did you just hit me?

Oh no… Who did this :(

what the fuck did you do to my friend- of Josh?

Oh my god, look behind you!

He pushed down and it went up! This guy’s clearly nuts, let me-

I’m okay! 

Oh oh! Ah! Ah!

Yo! Put me on the Wikipedia Logo!

Yeah well that was close I kinda wanted that ok! [spoken very fast and emphatically]

ACT 3

We’re going home!

Mleh meh, meh meh meh meh! Mleh meh meh! WEH WAH!

All those articles are online for free!!! [this is said emphatically but i don't know what emotion it's conveying]

He’s sleeping! [incredibly childishly. could be joking, but i'm not sure]

Do you like HD DVD, idiot? Or do- do you like Blu-ray, friend?

OH! Oh my god this is a big- this is a big fight! I’ve been waiting for this moment!

Do your job right and he’s gonna be dead soon!

Oh, they separated his arm! What the hell? What are they gonna do with that?

Drink up, BUDDY.

Hey where’d your- Why are we here? What happened to your arm? Whats goi- what’s wrong, man?

ACT 4

Yeah, you fucked up! Yo he fucked up, you- he lost his arm like an idiot!

Yo, you knocked it over!

Oh, so he finally said it! You weren’t supposed to be there!

Mleh meh meh meh! Yooo brazzers!!! Nice!

Yo, take me with you, bro!

Call of duty air strike! Who got a kill streak? Ahaha!

[GTA Cheat codes get destroyed] No!

Follow me! Follow me, little child, follow me.

Ooh, likin the view from back here ;) [flirting]

Leave me alone! Just get out of my room!

What were they THINKING?

It means I hate you!!!!

There’s a pungent smell right beside me, I dunno. Road trip! Road triip!

Brooo you got praaanked! Ohhhhh ohhhhhh!!!

Gordon Feetman! [teasing]

No YOU shut up.

Welcome!!!!

This guy’s crazy! You’re crazy, buddy!

Oh, who did that? Someone daied. What haaappened… what haaapened?

No, we’re going further into Hell! [Distressed and sad]

No I- I refuse to talk to you. You’re not my friend anymore!

And we’re back! [loud. idk what emotion]

Add me!

Yo, what the fuck, I just wanna play games with people, man.

Time to sleep! Oh yeah! Bed is over here- back here!

INTO XEN

[ok i give up. i guess i was wrong. he shows a lot of emotion in Xen, mostly either hurt or angry/evil. still gonna finish the list tho]

I’ve been telling you to go back, I don’t know, man, you’re not listening to me, it kinda hurts.

Man, we used to be great friends…

Hug?

Yo what- why would you say that, that’s so mean…

Yo, friend! Welcome!

That’s a LIE! You won’t make it!

I’m gonna fucking kill you!!

BOSS FIGHT

I feel a good, but you make me ANGRY

I was gonna be NICE to you, remember that?

Heavenly Sword is NOT a rip off of God of War.

SONY CEO JACK TRETTON SURVIVED a nuclear BOMB!... but I saved the WORLD

You forced me to be BAD so I gonna be BAD…

friend.

WELCOME!

Feel my passport!

One by one!

Stop shooting at me, I have to shoot back, I don’t wanna do that…

I’m gonna GETCHA >:3 [sounds more teasing than evil but yknow]

Broooo… :(

Hey! Get out of here!

I can’t wait for you guys to see hell!

Aaaah! Aaauugh! Who’s shooting me?

What a LOSER. You guys CAN’T HURT ME!

Bad little boy!

Yo, you wanna DIE? HAHA!

Don’t go in there, please, no! I don’t like that room…

Yo, fuck off, bro!

This isn’t fair! This isn’t fair! No-uh! No-uh! [whining]

NOOOOOO!!!!!

PRE-CAST COMMENTARY SCENES

You’re using my mirror!

Ah the- the reflection of perfection!

Did you flush? Why not?? What’s wrong with you!?

Look at the mess you’ve made!

Why is there a baseball? What’s wrong with you!

You’re gonna stay in there! Hold on!

Aw fuck!

Oh, little butterfinger boy!

I win!!!

-END-

yooooo check this shit out i was RIGHT ANYWAYS even tho i gave up!

[emotion rb has 670 words 3,358 characters]

[og post has 819 words 4,538 characters]

once i finish it ill post my full color-coded document with everything he says

Hello everyone welcome BACK to: I talk about Benrey for a minute here!

Today we will talk about everyone's favorite: Mischaracterization in Fanfiction!

[I want to preface this with a very important note. Anything I bring up here is NOT something I'm complaining about. I LOVE mischaracterizing my little guy sometimes, especially by making him more like me, heart emoji. I just also know what's wrong so I mischaracterize him in a better and more accurate way /ref]

Now, the most common little thing is him showing basically any emotion in a human/allistic way. Laughter is pretty much the only exception, followed only by whining. He would NOT apologize and he would NOT break down sobbing. In fact I don't believe he has tear ducts he forgor to make them.

[as user needsmoreexplosions has said in the replies, this is hyperbolic! he does show plenty of emotions, just more muted than you'd expect. The first act has more bursts of emotion than the later acts as well. They brought up the "dont FUCKING talk to me" and I mentioned him yelling to Tommy happily. However, there's still not MANY examples. I'm going to rb this with every example of strong emotion he conveys and itll probably be shorter than this post. again. i love people making him emotional anyways, even if its not quite in character]

If he were to learn that Regular People Can't Respawn, he wouldn't go crying and apologizing to Gordon. He would go "oops." He would complain that no one told him. He would make fun of Gordon for not being able to respawn.

See:

"Benrey's not on this team anymore, apparently."

"Yo what- why would you say that, that's so mean."

[Whining, not crying. Always]

SPEAKING OF WHICH. The arm thing. A LOT of people tend to go with "he was trying to get the trackers out/hev suit off," when Dr. Coomer literally says, "I think they're just spiteful." He was getting back at Gordon for all the times he like. Shot him or somethin idk. People are right that he didn't expect the soldiers to cut off his arm, but he also DID expect them (and hype them up) to kill him. Not so he'd respawn without the hev suit or with his passport, just because "hey everyone else has died. And you are so mean to me. Your turn."

He doesn't act like a cat or crave attention, I'm so sorry fic writers [again, it's so fun and I love it tho, so keep doing it please] In fact, he loves to fuck off and leave the team, he does not need their attention. And, when given attention, he tends to just be mildly confused or antagonistic.

And he's not obsessed with the passports, guys! Let me get my fuckin 26-page document up rq... He says Passport/ID 26 times in Act 1 [yo what the fuck what a cool coincidence..... That's actually fucking awesome], then literally once in Act 2 and it wasn't even directed at Gordon. He doesn't say it at all in Act 3, though he does say One (1) time how much he loves his. He says it 6 times in Act 4, ALL of which are during his Boss Fight.

People make him a gamer. Yes, he is 100% but they make him the wrong KIND of gamer. He's not a Minecraft Animal Crossing Mario Kart gamer, he talks about Heavenly Sword, God of War, Halo, MAG, Grand Theft Auto and TF2. 2 First Person Shooters, 3 very violent action/adventure games, and TF2.

[actually, speaking of this image, did anyone else catch Gordon referencing the stairs bit but with ropes? Gordon has canonically read Homestuck]

The only TV he references is All Dogs Go To Heaven 2 and Fighting Redemption which are WILDLY different. And also whatever Ms. Pebbles is.

Not necessarily a common mischaracterization, but an important tidbit is that Benrey tends to be pacifistic towards Xen creatures, and not towards scientists and later security guards. Lots of people headcanon Experimentation which, while there's not really any evidence for that, there's also no evidence against it and it's a good headcanon that I like a lot.

He likes taking pictures. (shakes fic writers) give him a photo album!!!! SCANS OF GORDON'S FEET WOULD NOT BE IN THE ALBUM HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE THOSE. IT WAS NOT A FOOTSCANNER HD HE LIED.

The things he does know vs doesn't know are. Difficult. He isn't clueless about "human Things" he understands that shaking = nervous and balled fists = angry. He doesn't know what pigeons are but he does know mayonnaise and Big Mac with Freesh Fries.

The final important bit of info. Canon is kinda... flimsy? Canonically, according to Gir, Bubby is a straight guy who FUCKS. Canonically, according to Holly, Bubby is agender and married to Dr. Coomer.

So like. Go fucking crazy! Go stupid! A a a a a!

Just be aware when you're wrong LOL