#god i never know what fandom tag to actually use 🙃

[jinmukangwrites]

weep little lion man (3/14)

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Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order/Survivor Rating: T Warnings: panic attacks, unreliable narrator, author refusing to back down from Cal's lightsaber definitely being orange. Ao3 Notes: somehow still going strong with every Thursday uploads????

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

---

Cal wakes to one of the worst headaches he's sure he's ever had.

Granted, he says that every time he gets even a minor headache.

But this one is different, it feels like he's trapped under the crushing weight of an ocean planet, desperately trying to swim up for air, but there's nothing. He doesn't even know if he's moving.

His temples are pounding, and his tongue feels thick in his mouth. He hasn't tried to move yet, but he can feel a pool of nausea in his stomach just waiting to pounce. The urge to just conk back out is strong, which is saying something as Cal isn't exactly known for wanting to sleep.

So he focuses on his breathing, not moving a muscle, not opening his eyes, ignoring every ache in his body until his stomach doesn't feel like it's going to turn inside out.

But that's the thing, the more he stays still, the more he's aware of those aches in his body. They start mild, something only a little more painful than what he's used to on a daily basis, but they're intensifying. Protesting. Begging him to stretch and shift so he's not so much on one hip and his arms are in front of him. He's been in one awkward position for a long time, it seems.

Alright, he thinks, hyping himself up, if I move slowly then maybe I won't throw up.

However, he finds his efforts quickly halted, nearly before he can even flex his shoulders.

His arms are locked behind him. His legs stuck together.

Unease immediately takes root, mixing horribly with the nausea and the headache like that horrendous cocktail he tried once on some Mid Rim planet that had the famous Tatooine blue-milk mixed in. Didn't sit well, if one wanted to know how to completely down Cal for three days and replace his lightsaber with a barf-bag: it's that.

He tugs on the restraints, and his stomach flips making him gag as something comes dangerously close to reaching his throat.

Or... he would gag if his jaw opened.

His eyes fly open and the situation becomes grimly clearer to him, memories flooding in. He's restrained. Good restraints, too. The kind of restraints that when he reaches out to the Force, he doesn't feel a single thing reach back. There's something locked over his nose and sealed around his jaw, keeping his mouth shut and muffling any sounds he can make with his nose. He's curled up into a cramp, dim space, unable to even try to wiggle into a more comfortable position as there's bags and tools shoved in with him. The only light-source comes from a small panel of white in the center of the ceiling, and when he listens, he can hear the humming of a familiar engine.

Bode.

Bode.

Red-hot anger floods his veins, but before he can even try to decide what to do with that anger, the ship rattles with unexpected turbulence, forcing Cal to shut his eyes and take deep breaths through his nose, fighting the terrifying urge to empty his stomach and have it have nowhere to go as his mouth is sealed shut.

He wants to kill Bode. Though he backs off from that thought when a softer, 17 year old version of himself thinks that that's a little extreme. He lessens the anger and the betrayal to something a bit more manageable, like thoughts of beating Bode into a bloody-pulp with his bare hands, and when his face is as bloody as Cal's knuckles he'd grab Bode by the color and scream at him until his vocal chords are shot to the point he'd be called "bacta-breath" for the next month.

The thoughts are comforting, but he has no idea what he's going to do once he sees Bode for real.

He's expertly restrained, horribly nauseous, definitely injured. He's not going anywhere until someone gets these restraints off him first, because it's already clear there's no way he'd be able to get free on his own.

There's nothing he can do but seethe.

Turbulence hits the jet again, bad turbulence, but thanks to Cal expecting it he manages his stomach a bit better. However, something new reaches his ears other than the engines and the rattle of metal around him.

The small squeak of a little girl.

"It's okay, baby girl," a familiar voice says softly, the metal walls muffling the baritone of the words. "Nothing your papa can't handle."

Bode.

Kata.

"I know... it's still scary. What if we get lost?"

"See this? It's a one-of-a-kind compass through here. As long as we have it, we'll never get lost."

"..."

"How about we sing that song your mother always liked," Bode suggests at her answering silence. "By the time we finish, we'll be at our new home."

They're a song's distance from... from Tanalor?

The realization sits heavy next to the pool of nausea. They must be in the abyss, navigating through an un-navigational space-terrain to somewhere no one else can reach.

Cal's on his own. No one will save him from this one.

"Will there be friends there?" Kata asks, ignoring Bode's suggestion.

"Maybe," Bode says, voice becoming a little tight. "That friend I told you about... he might come too. We're practically brothers. I think you'd like him a lot."

"Brothers... so, like an uncle?"

She sounds so hopeful.

It tears at Cal's heart.

Bode laughs, "yeah, baby. Like an uncle."

"I hope he comes, then."

"Me too."

Silence settles in the cockpit until there's another bout of turbulence. Only this time, Kata doesn't startle, she just begins to sing a song to herself, one that Bode quickly joins in on.

"Ghost star, wonder where you are~"

Cal sighs and attempts to wiggle into a more comfortable position as the two of them sing their song. He doesn't succeed, he has no movement and he honestly doubts that the way he's tied isn't going to let him be comfortable no matter what position he gets himself into.

So he closes his eyes and tries not to listen to a father sing with his daughter.

He hates this. He hates this.

The emotions swirl like a confusing whirlpool, and he thinks it's unfair for Cal to be stabbed in the back and then next thing he knows his captor is having a touching moment with his daughter. Cal knows this is not Kata's fault, he can't be angry with her and the things Bode's done in her name, but...

But Cal is angry. He's in pain. He's frightened and confused and... and he doesn't know what his friends are doing.

Bode threatened them before Cal lost consciousness. He threatened to turn them in to the Empire if Cal resisted, and Cal resisted.

What if Cere, Merrin, Greeze, Cordova, BD-1... what if they're all dead right now? Cal has no idea if Bode made good on the threat, after Cal got hit with the blaster's handle everything after was foggy and muffled beyond any comprehension. He thought he heard Bode talking to someone, but was it to Cal? To himself? To the Empire?

What would Cal do if Bode did tip the Empire on the Archive's location? Surely, Cal can't take a father from a child, not when he himself knows what it's like to lose the last bit of family and stability he had left when Order 66 was called. Sure, he found a new family, but that trauma, that loss, it follows Cal everywhere he goes.

He doesn't want to be the cause of an orphaned child, but he also doesn't know how he can live on being Cal if he loses his second family for good. It was hard enough when they went separate ways, the thought of losing them to death sickens him more than the nausea can.

Lost. Cal feels lost.

The pair in the cockpit continue their eerie, sad song, and soon enough Bode proves himself right as the final words are sung, Kata cuts off with a gasp.

"Welcome home, Kata," Bode says, sounding breathless.

There's a final spout of turbulence as the ship enters a planet's atmosphere, and Cal closes his eyes and does his best to prepare himself for whatever comes next.

-o-o-o-o-

"Papa, look at the colors!" Kata announces as the ship comes to a stop on solid land. The bounce the suspensions make sent another bout of sickness through Cal's whole being, but a skill he's told he shouldn't be proud of is that he can usually ignore most injuries or sickness until he can throw up at a more convenient time. He's pushed through a lightsaber-to-the-side to get himself and Cere out of Fortress Inquisitorius and escape Darth Vader; honestly holding down some measly stomach bile should be nothing.

He's still thankful that they've stopped moving, at least. He doesn't think Bode thought about nausea when he...

When...

Stars. Bode muzzled him. He doesn't know why that hasn't clicked until now. Bode, a man Cal has considered one of his closest friends, had not only stabbed him in the back, threatened his friends, and kidnapped him, he bound and muzzled him. A different kind of anger flares in him, a rare kind of anger that's felt for himself.

Up until now he's only been worried about his friends, what this meant for his family. He completely forgot that he's been degraded and violated at the hands of a man he used to trust with his life. It's laughably strange; being upset on his own behalf. Humiliated, embarrassed, deceived. Tricked. Used. He hasn't felt anywhere close to this way since... since the time he found out who the Second Sister was and how she related to Cere. And even then, that felt mild in comparison to what twists in his guts now. Cere lied but it wasn't out of malice. The lies Bode's told? They've hurt Cal in the end. Burned him worse than Dagon's lightsaber.

"Yeah, the colors sure are pretty," Bode says while the sound of the cockpit opening accompanies his words. "You see that temple over there? That's where we're staying from here on."

"It looks lonely," Kata says softly.

"Yeah, but it's safe."

Cal listens as Bode's boots scrape on loose pebbled dirt. He grunts then, as he must be helping Kata out of the jet.

There's the sound of footsteps over wild terrain before Kata suddenly protests. "What about my bag?"

"Papa will get it later," Bode says, the footsteps continuing further away. Cal's heart speeds up. They're... leaving Cal behind. Trapped in this kriffing compartment. Alone. For who knows how long. "Don't you want to explore a little first?"

"Okay..."

Their footsteps carry away, and Cal no longer can hear legible words being said.

He's never been claustrophobic. Most people know him as The Guy who's willing to squeeze himself into tight spaces without knowing what's on the other side. However, the walls seem to close in on him now. Everything hurts, one of Bode's bags presses painfully into the small of his back, and he desperately wants to stretch every muscle in his body, but there's nothing he can do.

He wants out. And the only person who can get him out just walked away for who knows how long.

He grunts, panting slightly as panic rakes its claws down his ribcage. He tries to shift, pushing through the pain in his injured knee to get his legs over and bent toward the compartment's door. The nausea from before seems barely noticeable as it's drowned out by the overwhelming need to get out.

He shimmies, wiggles, angrily does what he can with what miniscule movement he has to push bags out of the way so his back is now pressed against the far wall, neck bent awkwardly and his knees pressed to his chest.

He doesn't have much movement, but he does his best to kick at the door anyways. He realizes quickly that he has zero momentum, and he growls in frustration, attempting again. And again. And again until he ends up desperately just pushing against the door with his feet, spine digging into the far wall. He only stops pushing when his vision starts blacking out; there's pain in his ribs like a vibro-blade had been squeezed between each bone. He's not getting enough air. He's hyperventilating and either the compartment doesn't have enough air supply for a struggle while the jet is off, or the muzzle is suffocating him. It doesn't matter, either way it makes him panic harder.

He needs to get out. He needs to get out. He needs to get out-

But he can't breathe. The black spots in his vision aren't going away, just hanging out in his vision like a threat.

Focus. Focus, Cal. He can't have a panic attack right now, ignoring the fact that he probably already is in the middle of one. He painstakingly shifts his legs away from the door so he can better stretch out his chest, squeezing his eyes shut and fighting for the short pants to become longer and more controlled.

It takes entirely too long. Luckily, it seems Cal's breathing problem came from not enough air being let through the muzzle and nose, not from the air supply itself. That fact allows him to calm even more, swallowing thickly on silenced sobs and breathing in, out, in, out, in...

Footsteps.

Heavy-set, sure-footed.

Bode.

Cal desperately wipes the corners of his eyes on his shoulders, hoping it doesn't look like he's just come out of a full blown fit. Bode has to let him out now, right? He doesn't hear Kata's accompanied footsteps, and Bode's gait doesn't seem burdened like he's carrying her.

The desire to leave this kriffing box overwhelms the desire to kick Bode's ass into the nearest red giant.

He stays still, listening to Bode's approach, then fights a sigh of relief as he stops near where Cal's stored even though he knows that sigh would be muted. There's a moment of silence before a small knock sounds through the metal.

"I'm going to get you out now," Bode says, and Cal nearly goes boneless with relief, he almost forgets what he's angry at Bode for. "I'm sure you're angry, and uncomfortable," Bode continues, his voice carefully level, like he's putting effort into it, "-but I promise the moment you're out, I'm taking off that muzzle and we can talk. If all goes well, I'll take everything else off too. Just... don't fight me for a minute is all I'm askin'."

Cal doesn't give a rat's-ass about the muzzle and the restraints right now. He just wants out.

Bode sighs, and soon there's a hiss as the vacuum-seal releases. Daylight filters through the crack as it opens fully, revealing a familiar broad shouldered, muscular man with his lips pressed tight and his jaw clenched.

Cal freezes at the sight of him, and Bode does the same. They stare at each other for a moment, until Bode clears his throat. "Deal?" he asks.

And the anger floods back. A furious, burning part of himself wants to kick Bode in the face right now even if it meant staying in the compartment, but the other part of him remembers the promise of being let out and untied. If he can just... play along until Bode releases him, then he can give Bode a good heel-to-face.

He nods slowly, but tightens his eyes into a glare.

"Alright," Bode says, dropping his eyes from Cal's own, "just hold still. I won't touch you long."

Cal has to focus on his breathing again and force himself to not flinch as Bode reaches in, avoiding Cal's eyes, to get one arm under Cal's knees and the other under the small of his back. He keeps glaring at Bode; he can't speak but maybe this way he can get the message across that he's beyond pissed-off and he's not going to make this easy for Bode. They're not best friends. They're not brothers. Cal is Bode's captive, and Bode is Cal's betrayer. Nothing more. Bode's nothing to Cal.

Bode grunts as he lifts Cal up and out of the compartment. Cal desperately wants to keep his cold glare on Bode as he's lifted out, but the daylight assaults his irises, forcing them squeezing shut to avoid any new unwanted tears from forming.

Bode didn't lie when he said he wouldn't touch Cal for long. It takes just a few moments for Cal to be sat down on a boulder a small distance from the jet, back to the sunlight. Bode raises his hands as Cal catches his balance, groaning at the stiffness of his limbs. The downward motion reignites his need to throw up, but he breathes through it and slowly cracks his eyes open to resume his irritated glower. Bode kneels a small distance back, palms up but eyes looking at Cal's shoulders instead of his face. Cal can't help but drop his own eyes from Bode's face as well to look at his hips. Two lightsabers, three blasters. All on his body.

He glances up quickly so Bode doesn't notice his looking and waits for Bode to make the first move.

"Okay, scrapper," Bode says finally, "Here's how this goes. You can say anything you want to me, everything I'm sure is on your mind. Stars know you look ready to pounce me with every insult you can think of. It's ok, I deserve it, I won't hold it against you or punish you for it. However," his big brown eyes finally level back to Cal's, "leave Kata out of whatever you're thinking. She's innocent in this, she doesn't even know you're here. One wrong word toward my little girl, Kestis..."

The threat goes unsaid. Cal doesn't know if Bode would kill him for threatening Kata, but luckily he wasn't planning on threatening her anyways. In fact, he's almost insulted that Bode would think Cal would stoop that low.

He nods his head sharply. Bode sighs, his eyes turn Cal's face again. "Alright, give me a second."

His hands reach around Cal's face and Cal can feel every muscle tensing in his body as Bode's bare fingers brush the back of his head. It feels like poison, which is heartbreaking because Bode's touch used to be so welcomed.

There's a click, and Bode unpeels the muzzle from Cal's face. Cal leans his head back, gasping and working his stiff jaw open. He hasn't even noticed how tightly his teeth had been pressed together, the roots of his molars ache. Bode steps back and sets the muzzle on the ground while Cal gets used to having free-will over his own mouth again. It takes only a minute for Cal to get his first word out, however.

"Traitor," Cal hisses.

Bode gives a small subdued nod. "I deserve that."

And that sets Cal off. Cal snarls at him, throwing every insult he can think of into long strings of sentences, most of which including words like "sleazy" "liar" "worthless" "monster" and a few slangs he's picked up over the years, the worst originating from the scrappers on Bracca. Bode sits through it all, never meeting Cal's eyes, but wincing at a few particularly choiced words on how Cal feels right now.

"-never should have taken a chance on you-"

"-I wish it was you, not Bravo, Gabs, the Twins-"

"-should never have let you get this close-"

"-I trusted you-"

He keeps going until he stops for a gasping lung-full of air. Then, he just pants and glares.

Bode lets the words float between them for a moment, looking visibly chastised, but Cal has no idea if that's a lie too.

"Can I explain now?" Bode finally asks.

Cal seethes. "I don't give a kriff what your explanation is. But you're not the one tied up."

Bode winces again. "It's all for Kata," he says, and Cal can't fight an eye roll. Bode quickly continues. "Cal, I know I lied about a lot of things, but I won't anymore. You deserve to know the truth."

Bode eases into a story about a young Jedi who was trained and tasked for infiltration and espionage. He was on a mission when the Purge began, and stayed hidden to stay alive. He lived like that, for a long time, before meeting the most incredible woman alive. He married her, loved her, and had a child with her. And then, he got a message to not come home. The Inquisitorius came looking for him, and they killed his wife. He doesn't know how he slipped, how they found out, but it didn't matter. Kata was all he had left of her, and he needed to protect that. The two of them were on the run until Bode decided to contact an old handler. A commander at IBS now. Denvik promised to keep Bode's identity hidden and Kata safe as long as Bode kept useful. He sent Bode on a mission eventually to infiltrate Saw Gerrara's band of rebels, get close enough to known Jedi Cal Kestis, and use Cal to find out the whereabouts of Cere Junda.

That's all this was all about. At first.

But then he begins to tell about how Bode couldn't help but find kinship in Cal, and then everything with Tanalor and the Compass, he saw it as a way out of the Empire, a safe haven for Kata. He couldn't let it get to the Hidden Path, but he didn't know how to do that without betraying Cal in the process. Cal was obviously set in his ways and wouldn't back down from giving the Compass to the Hidden Path. He couldn't allow that. He doesn't expect Cal to understand, or forgive him...

...and that's what makes Cal all the angrier.

"If you told me before you shot me," Cal can only whisper, cuz if he doesn't he'd scream, "you wouldn't need my forgiveness."

Regret flickers through Bode's features, but he quickly masks it by looking at his boots.

"But Bode," Cal continues, he can't keep the fury out of his voice no matter how hard he tries, it shakes his tone, "the Hidden Path can make Tanalor a safe haven for everybody. Even you. And Kata."

"A safe haven doesn't train soldiers, Cal."

"Then we don't have to," Cal stresses. "We can take just the refugees. Start communities. Allow more children just like Kata to grow up unafraid of the Empire. That's what this is about. It doesn't-"

"Cal, do you think I'm the only spy capable of infiltrating a group of rebels?" Bode snaps. Cal freezes, eyebrows shooting up. "Say you do that, and it's good for a long time, but one day one of your refugees is going to be someone like me, and you won't notice until it's too late. The Empire will come, they're resourceful enough to find a way to make their own Compass, if that spy doesn't give it to them first. Could you live with that, Cal? Making a home for hundreds of people, lying to them that they're safe, only to watch as it's all ripped away and Tanalor is lost?"

"That's not fair, Bode."

"The Empire isn't fair!"

It's the first time Bode's raised his voice at Cal, and it feels like he's been shot all over again. It's like up until now, there's been a crack between them, but now it's torn itself into a gaping canyon. Cal can't reach Bode, not like this.

But... does he want to reach Bode?

Cal swallows, fighting to keep his voice from matching in volume. "So what now, Bode? You know I don't agree."

Bode clenches his fists, but he doesn't look like he's about to attack Cal, he's just fighting just as hard to keep calm. "There's no way off this planet for you, Cal. I've already hidden the compass, and soon the jet will be hidden too. It's only you, me, and Kata. I don't expect you to agree, or forgive me, but if you want those restraints off, then you have no choice but to at least play along and accept it. Who knows, sometime in the future, one of us will change our minds."

He says it like he already knows it won't be him. Cal disagrees, but he doesn't say so. There's one more missing piece, one more source of anger he doesn't have an answer to. He swallows thickly.

"And what about Jedha?" Cal demands.

Now, Bode freezes, his eyes going wide. "What do you mean?" He asks, quickly collecting himself.

Cal immediately thinks something's horribly wrong. "You threatened them. You said if I didn't surrender, you'd tell the Empire about the Archive. I didn't surrender."

Bode pauses, then sighs. "Cal, I wasn't going to turn them in, I just said that hoping you'd believe me. After I took you down I... I couldn't do it. They're safe, the Empire doesn't know."

It doesn't sit right. Cal can't bring himself to fully believe it. "You shot at BD-1."

"My blaster wasn't set to kill," Bode says, "if I'd hit the droid, I would have taken him with us. He would have been fine."

Cal shakes his head. "I- I can't trust anything you say,"

"Why would I lie?" Bode asks with a forced smile, his voice becoming a touch desperate.

"To get me on your side."

"I already know you're not," Bode insists, "after getting the Compass, my mission didn't matter anymore. You think I'd stoop to helping the Empire a final time after I just got free? They're safe Cal, they don't know. But, if you make this difficult, that can change."

Cal tenses. His hands form into fists behind him. "Holding my family hostage is low, even for you."

"But it'll work, won't it?"

Cal doesn't back down. "And what if I did the same to you?"

Bode pauses, finally meeting Cal's eyes once again, but then he relaxes. "You wouldn't hurt Kata, I may be protective of her and have made a few threats, but we both know you'd never do that."

"Because I'm not a monster, Bode."

Bode laughs. "Cal, you've never officially completed your Padawan training, and yet, you've successfully taken on armies of stormtroopers, multiple Inquisitors, bounty hunters, Rayvis, High Republic renegade Jedi? Cal, you're a good man, but those are things only monsters can do." Cal startles at that, but he doesn't get to say anything in reaction before Bode continues on. "You're a survivor, Kestis, and survivors are monsters. The difference between the monsters who are good guys, and the ones who are bad, is that one targets the problem, and the other targets what the problem loves."

"Then that makes you the bad guy, Bode."

He shrugs. "I never said I wasn't. Look, scrapper, we can both argue about this until our heads turn blue and our hair gray, but I want to sleep and I'm sure you don't want to be in those," he nods at the restraints, "no more. Clearly, neither of us are willing to give ground right now, so let's just cool off, alright? Give us time to think and time to explore the area. We can always visit this again when we're in a better headspace."

Cal wants to argue that time won't fix this betrayal. Time won't put him in a quote unquote better headspace. He wants to go back to Koboh. He wants to hold BD-1, explore with Merrin, eat Greeze's food, learn from Cere. Being captive on a beautiful planet that the Empire doesn't know about doesn't change the fact that Cal isn't here willingly and he doesn't have a choice in whether he stays or goes.

Instead, he asks a final question. "You promise you didn't call in Jedha?"

Bode, this time, doesn't hesitate like the question's caught him off guard. "I promise, brother."

Cal still doesn't know if he trusts Bode, a broken and betrayed and hurt part of himself can't help but think it's a lie. But Cal doesn't know what to do if that's proven right. So he grabs onto those three words, lie or not, and wraps them in layers and layers of hope. The relief crashes into him, the anger for his situation and the fear for his family melts into a manageable faint lingering sense of betrayal.

He nearly goes limp in his bindings, feeling some sort of relaxed for the first time since waking up in that damn storage compartment. Now with the answer of his family's well-being being promised, every worry washes away to let the pain and nausea return.

His stomach churns. "I'm going to throw up."

Shock at the change in subject visibly shakes Bode, but he makes to rush forward, hands outstretched. Cal flinches away.

"Don't touch me."

He pants, fighting his rebellious stomach, until he feels better enough to look up and snap at Bode who looks painfully lost at the command to not get closer.

"Untie me."

Bode's shoulders sag. "Not yet, I can't."

"What?" Cal snaps. "You said-"

"I know, I will. I need to move the ship first while I know you can't try and follow. I won't be long."

"Bode, what if I'm attacked?!"

"There's no record of violent wildlife..." Bode looks Cal up and down, then sighs. "Fine, let's compromise. I'll take off the rope and put your hands in front of you."

"And give me my lightsaber," Cal says, hoping his voice sounds as firm as beskar.

To his shock, Bode nods. "That sounds reasonable. Can I touch you now?"

Cal hates how concerned he sounds, how sorrowful his face looks as he refuses completely untying Cal. He almost thinks Bode would back off if Cal says no, not yet. Cal finally looks away, no longer to look at him. "Make it quick."

Bode does, untying the rope that Cal hasn't noticed how tightly it dug into his arms and legs until pins and needles spread across his forearms, fingers, and calfs. Bode gives him a warning look as he unlocks one cuff on Cal's hands. As soon as it's off, Bode steps back and pulls his blaster, pointing it at Cal.

"In front, scrapper."

Cal glares at him, then painstakingly moves his arms to be in front of his stomach. His shoulders burn with the movement, he doesn't think he'd be able to fight back even if he tried. One cuff still remains on, cutting off his connection to the Force, and his arms feel like noodles. The last time he tried to fight Bode without a weapon is the whole reason he's in this mess. So he angrily complies, fitting his own wrist back into the other cuff, ignoring how badly he just wants to stretch.

Bode relaxes as Cal finishes doing as he's told. He goes to his hip and grabs Cal's lightsaber, but he doesn't hand it over just yet. "I won't be long. I'll come back before you know it."

Then, he turns, sets the lightsaber down a distance Cal would have to awkwardly hobble to with the shackles, then jumps in his ship like he's afraid the second Cal has his weapon in his hands he's going to attack Bode and take the jet himself.

Cal watches the jet fly away with clenched fists until it goes out of sight. He doesn't bother remembering what direction it went off to, not when he's sure Bode will probably loop around and find some hidden spot no one can find without asking him. He slowly gets to his feet, finally letting himself verbalize his discomfort in a low groan.

The lightsaber sits a taunting distance away, and not for the first time since waking up Cal curses Bode. There's no give in the shackles, his heels are practically touching. That's not even considering the smarting wound in his knee.

Slowly, he shimmies to his lightsaber, grunting every time he pulls his knee a bit too hastily, fighting the urge to hurl. This is cruel, he seethes, an insult to injury.

When he finally reaches his lightsaber, he carefully lowers himself to the ground, stretching his legs out in front of him and holding his weapon in his hands, inspecting it for tampering. He knows every single speck of metal, every detail, every scratch on this thing, and luckily nothing seems out of place. Experimentally, he ignites a single orange blade, staring at its light for a few moments, letting the low hum comfort him before he carefully lowers it towards the shackles.

The lightsaber rests on the metal, and he quickly removes it before the metal would heat up and burn him. Damn. The Empire has gotten concerningly good with lightsaber resistant equipment. If the metal isn't straight up immune, then it's designed with a high melting point where the wielder probably shouldn't bother anyways, especially if that metal is connected to them.

He has no doubts that the cuffs promise the same effect, so he sighs and turns off the blade and latches it to his hip.

He stares around him for a little while, finally managing to study his surroundings without having to worry about making sure Bode knows he's all levels of pissed with him.

Tanalor is beautiful.

Pastel and bright in all the right ways. The flora seems to sparkle with what Cal could almost swear was simple and pure magic, but realistically it's probably pollen or bugs. Pools of deep, bright reef blue settle all around him, contrasting with the white terrain in a mesmerizing way. Jagged mountains stretch in the distance and smaller boulders decorate the landscape nearby with grand cliffs to compliment the highs with breathtaking lows.

It's beautiful in person. He wishes he set first foot here on his own terms.

He allows himself to finally relax, listening to the wind and a nearby waterfall, stretching what muscle groups he can while still lacking full range of motion. He checks his pockets too, seeing what Bode has taken and what he's left on him. His blaster is gone, a given, but so is his locator. His grapple is still on him, as well as a few ration bars and a flask of water. Other trinkets he's collected sit neatly where he's left them; it seems Bode was only concerned about disarming and making sure they couldn't be tracked.

The only people who would think to track him through that would be the crew of the Mantis, which means Bode had to be telling the truth if he was so worried about them tracking him.

He sits there for a decent stretch of time longer, to the point boredom settles in. He misses BD-1 already, it's strange not having his companion to talk to. Cal's a talker, he always had been, the headphones he had on Bracca were actually a gift because Tabbers got annoyed with him talking to himself all the time and thought some distracting music would fix that. He smiles fondly at that. He hopes Tabbers is alright, along with the rest of the guild workers. Cal has no idea what the Empire did to the scrappers after he escaped. Did they punish the guild for housing a terrorist? He hopes they got left alone. The guild itself was hell, but he misses the people.

He pauses. Odd. He's never felt homesick for Bracca before.

Footsteps. Cal sighs, awkwardly rising to his feet a second time and leaning on his good leg. Bode enters through the trees carrying multiple bags, though Cal has no doubt Bode probably even circled around on his walk back to give no hints on the location of his fighter jet. Not that it matters, Cal's sure the Compass is hidden far in some opposite direction.

Bode sets down the bags, giving a small smile but still refusing to meet Cal's eyes. "Let's get you out of those," he says. Cal stands rigid and allows it, the intoxicating concept of moving his limbs separate from each other far overpowers the desire to be stubborn.

Bode thankfully gives space the second both restraints are off, though Cal doesn't miss him stuffing them into one of his duffles as he stretches his shoulders and legs. Bode picks up a second duffle and tosses it at Cal's feet. Cal pauses, admittedly staring down at the duffle like it personally insulted him.

"You look like sewage, scrapper," Bode says, and Cal bites back the and whose fault is that retort. "Stopped at a moon on the way here and grabbed you some changes of clothes. I guessed your sizes, so I hope they fit. There's also some bacta and clean bandages in there, you can reapply it to your knee and chest."

Cal stares at him for a moment before sighing and bending down to inspect the duffle. He remembers this one, it was stuffed under his hip.

Inside is true to Bode's word, changes of clothes and various hygiene supplies. He closes the bag and bites off a grunt as he lifts it to his shoulder. However, before he walks off towards a private place to change, he glances back at Bode, biting his lip before speaking.

"I don't think it will ever be normal with us again, Bode," he says softly, the anger pulsing into sorrow and grief.

Bode gives a sad smile. "I don't expect it to be. I just need you to keep Kata out of it."

Cal turns, he doesn't trust the moisture in his eyes to not fall.

Play along. Find the Compass. Get the Jet. Get out of here and get the others.

He can play Bode's game until then. He just has to be patient so he can leave Tanalor and get back to doing what he's meant to be doing. Stopping the Empire.

"Patience, Cal," He mutters softly to himself. "You'll get through this."

[thedarkestgreys]

tagged by both @stannisfactions and @theangrypomeranian 🖤🖤 thank you friends!

How many works do you have on AO3?

67 but something new is popping up for halloween

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

so it says 976,114 but 266,429 of those words are from @baratheonbrotherspresent group written co-op fics

3. What fandoms do you write for?

primarily Fexi/Euphoria right now. but i've also written fics for ASOIAF/GoT, Eternals, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, and Teen Wolf over the last near decade.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

your violent overnight rush (fexi) stages (jonsa) and i'll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) (drukkari) slow hands (drukkari) and then a fic that i currently have hidden 😅

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

always! even if it's a quick TYSM FOR READING. i always appreciate when readers take the time to leave a comment, and i want to show my love back.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't think i've written anything with an angsty ending tbh. yes, lots of angst in various fics, but i'm a happy ending girlie through and through.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

as stated above, im a happy ending girlie. but maybe my heart's gone double time if i had to choose.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i haven't in a long time, but in the past yeah. like drove me away from a ship and shut down my interest in writing for like a solid year. it wasn't even about the writing, it was about the plot (a Sweet Home Alabama AU) and the comments were unnecessary (go read the wiki on the movie yall its not hard) and it just sucked lol. that was a hot minute ago though. we're good now.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

hahahaha do i write smut???? i have an internal checklist of all the smutty things i haven't written yet that i want to give a go, so you could say that. (note: daddy kink is off the list and never to be seen from me again)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i do not! but i like to write a lot of AU's of different media.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

as far as i know of, no i haven't.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had some offers in the past to have things translated back in the GoT days but i never gave the okay on it simply because it was a fic i never completed (ya girl used to get in over her head)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

technically the BBP fics are cowritten but we all did our own chapters following a basic outline of plot/storylines and worked around what other authors were posting. it was chaos and hilarious and the most fun i've ever had

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

to write for? i'd have to say it's fexi, they unlocked a new level in my brain as an author. shout out to my favorite non-canon little crackship that could podrya though - i'll love you forever. to read? this is like asking someone to pick their favorite child. i've read so many incredible fics across a ton of different fandoms. but god i guess the ones i still seek out frequently is dasey and dramione. wouldn't say i have a favorite though?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i really want to finish but the wolves came and went and i think i'm sitting on at least two chapters completed for it right now lol someday i'll sit down and finish writing the whole thing and get it posted.

16. What are your writing strengths?

plotting. world building. exposition. keeping characters in character. i've been told i'm good at writing big emotions too?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i've improved greatly but i still struggle with dialogue. 🙃

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

okay so. when i was writing slow hands as i got further into the story i really started describing the actual sign language being used by makkari and druig. hours of watching asl videos to pick out different words or phrases to translate. it was fun and it was hard work and i ended up with a whole new appreciation for asl. but it also felt important to really dig into describing the asl and i'm glad i did it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? ... and i'm still bitter about the cancelled reboot.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

taking yvor out of the equation: my fexi warm bodies zombie au sharing different heartbeats mostly i go back and read it and go "wait i wrote this?" because i don't do zombies at all lol. i'm just very proud of it.

tagging: @sarahcakes613 @muserepeats @calculated2stagger @iwantthemtostay and @idontneedtobeforgiven

[celestialseawitch-ff]

Author question tag game thing

Thanks for the tag, @ctrsara!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 29

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 609,262

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write for mainly Harry Potter and Marvel. I have written for other fandoms in the past and I like to play with crossovers, but not really any of them have been posted. I'm branching out into DC though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Finding Home 27 965 words and counting

The Marked One 69 232 words and counting

Harry Potter and the Addams Family 4062 words

I Always Miss You 2827 words

All I Wanted 9719 words

(I'm genuinely so surprised by the last three. Like what?)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to respond to every comment I got. But not anymore. It's just too difficult. It's like texting, which is hard enough for me to have the mental bandwidth to do. I will often respond to a comment that's longer and very engaging or if someone is genuinely confused and asking a question. But I do read every comment I get.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhm... I've been told all my fics are angsty 🙃 But I personally think the saddest ending would be either The Great Escape or Season's Greetings (Hi, I'm Your Son). Both had a sort of bitter-sweet ending where you're so sad for the character(s) but also hopeful that things will be okay. Or I guess maybe Versions of the Truth is a good contender too.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Yikes... uhm, what is happiness?? Maybe The Life Giver or Yule Spirit??

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes. Of course. Mostly on As It Should Be. She gets slut shamed a lot because she had more than one boyfriend and she slept with them. It's a constant annoyance for me. I've wanted to take the whole story down multiple times because people will get so intense about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

For sure. It started pretty tame but we've definitely moved into explicit territory. I only really write smut for Harry Potter though. A lot of my stories for other fandoms are family-centric and don't really have romance in them.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

God, I love a crossover. The only one posted is a one-shot, Harry Potter and the Addams Family that I did on a joking whim. But I have so many others in the works. I have two "Harry Potter is Tony Stark's son" stories. A "Harry ends up in Gotham" story. I think my favourite right now is "Peter Parker is Lois Lane's nephew" story. I really want to finish that one and post it. But my craziest crossover I think would be by Peter Parker crossover with the tv show Chuck. Peter Parker is the intersect. It's fantastic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Harry Potter and the Addams Family was translated to Русский

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I don't think I'd want to tbh

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Harry and Hermione, for sure. It always comes back to them for me.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhm, I have a million WIPs so I'm just going to stick with the ones I have posted. I'm not sure if I'll ever finish Prophecy Child. I'd like to, but I have no idea what I'm going to do. I had a plan and then changed direction so many times and now I'm just dead in the water with it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think it's my characterization, but I get most complimented for my worldbuilding, so probably that. I think I just highly value characterisation, especially for fanfic. It's extremely important imo

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Politics. Meaning, I sometimes choose plotlines that I don't actually want to write. I hate writing politics. I think a big weakness for me is also just follow through. I have a hard problem finishing fics. I post even less now because I don't want to keep posting things that I'll never finish.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I hate this. I'm sorry, but I really do. I don't know Russian or Spanish. When I'm reading a work, am I supposed to google translate as I go?? Sometimes the translation is at the bottom of the chapter so I'm supposed to scroll up and down? I'm sorry, but no. I hate it. When I'm writing, if the pov I'm writing in knows that language, I will write the words in English in italics and simply say after, "they said in French" or whatever. If the pov I'm writing doesn't speak that language and doesn't know what is being said, then neither does the reader. This is such a pet peeve of mine.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who! It's under a different name, but I'm pretty sure the stories I wrote there and for a DW/Supernatural crossover are still popular on FFN.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Without a doubt, Stealing Magic. I am still blown away by my own writing in that fic. The worldbuilding, the characters, the PLOT. I worked on that story for literally like three years. I love it so much. It's my baby and I'm so damn proud of it.

I tag @sygoflyy @mysterycyclone @seek--rest @nauticalparamour

[itsamepatches]

1 2 19 and 21 for thr writers asks!

What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

--- Arial or Liberation Serrif. For the latter, it's the default in LibreOffice Writer, and I like the font, so I use it. Just as long as the font doesn't have certain letters not looking too similar to other letters or isn't too spaced in, I'll like it. :B

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

--- Uh...I guess I could. I used to write my original stories on paper. A) No, I'm a human / B) Pencil because if I make an error I'll hate myself if I can't erase it

19.  Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

--- From what I can remember, I'm sure I started writing at 11 years old because I remember reading these silly old Sailor Moon/DBZ fics and thinking how neat they were, so around 13, I started writing full-blown fics (even though they were god awful) and publishing them on fanfiction.net. For any "bumps" I've had would have to be my inability to ever be satisfied with any of my writings again ever since some lovely ol' chap who never touched grass (or probably never wrote a thing in their life) featured one of my fics (my longest one, reaching at over 55k words) which I was actually proud of at the time, and felt the need to stick it in the fandom tag. Guess what happened to that fic of mine? Orphaned on AO3! 🙃 I honestly don't know where I'm going with my writing, nowadays, especially with my originals.

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

--- Boy, it's tempting, but since I can't draw, all I've got is writing under my sleeve ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ As much as I would love to trade out writing in order to have better skills elsewhere, I still have the urge to write...well, whatever, and I feel like I'd shrivel up if I don't write something, so I won't stop - I guess?

[humanuser0613]

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT:

A history lesson

🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑

What was toxic about that initial post anon?

Jungkook solos tagged the military to stop jikook from enlisting together...but steps had already been taken so that they were enlisting together and taekookers...well they don't even like JK's friends let alone jm.

No one is denying that toxic jikook and jinkook and vmin or even namkook shippers (or any other duo) exist. But comparing numbers, comparing harm done...there's just no one on the level of what taekookers and solo JK stans have done publicly.

I just don't understand the point of calling out a post pointing that out. Jikookers never attacked ARMY deaf community for posting the truth about hand gestures and actual sign language. Nor attacked the models Tae was hanging out with at PFW. Or attacked a member's gf the way basically ALL OF ARMY did to jennie (and yeah, no denial was all the confirmation we needed that they were "something" and wanted privacy, but noooooo toxic Tae solos, taekookers, +ARMY all had to keep posting those leaked pics of them and calling Tae's legs ugly because they couldn't handle that he was holding hands with a BP member 🙃).

Ya know what's normal?

Gossip.

Gossip magazines, shows, podcasts, etc.....literal sections of legitimate newspapers have been in existence for hundreds of years.

Ancient Egyptian and Greeks had fucking stone tablets explaining which spells worked the best for which gods and had many stories where they discussed which gods were sleeping with which gods AND mortals!

Yeah, some people don't care about personal lives. But you also have some people that don't care about politics and are single issue voters and that affects all their lives and the lives of other people. Guess what, we all have different interests. 🤷‍♀️ It's kinda what makes humans great (and terrible). It's also something that makes our fandom stronger because we have people with so many different careers and interests that explain different things they understand that others of us don't.

Shippers have had a place in history too.

Trekkies, Twilight, X-Files, multiple television shows, celebrity couples and 🫨*gasp* EVEN PEOPLE WE KNOW!

This is, quite frankly, a normal human experience. In the jikook community I often see other accounts telling people to step back and breathe because we *don't* know for certain, no matter how much we *know* what we see. Also we tell people to look after their mental health.

For me: 🤧

I was a baby ARMY just watching run! BTS and *boom* wtf did I see jikook doing? I saw Jimin doing the look down/look up flirty look (in that songpyeon episode) that body language experts saw Angelina Jolie do to Brad Pitt during a press junket that gave them the ‼️‼️‼️ that they were together. I'd passively thought Hermione and Harry were a good match before that point, but I'd never tried to set up my friends (my circle of friends is too small and too tight). I'm still here for the music, personalities and their great bonds with each other OT7 before I'm here for a potential (likely) jikook romance.

The other aspect of shipping that should be considered isn't just the parasocial aspect, but as a healthy and safe outlet for people to engage with their sexuality or romantic urges. Really being completely dismissive of shipping isn't going to create the safe spaces that people in this world need.

Mostly jikookers simply want people to recognize that jikook are friends at this point. They love each other as much as they love the other members. The way they support each other and understand each other is truly precious to see in this world. We see so much hate directed towards their bond and truly being on twitter showed me how the wider fandom just ignores moments between jikook that if it were between any different two members would be hyped and given thousands of likes. Namkookers don't have the same stigma attached to their bond. Taejin don't have the fandom looking away from them even with Tae's arm in Jin's ball sack.

The only moment that sent the wider fandom into a tailspin over jikook was the hickey moment. Mass trending hickey and "kiss mark" in Korean only to have both men posting pics up on social media and driving us further crazy! But you had JK solos trending the military tag when jikook were enlisting together. Taekookers trended bangmin twice globally. They also managed to get fans to trend "freejungkook" globally. Multiple times. Why? Because Jimin got too close to him and suddenly the whole fandom was up in arms about privacy concerning what two members do ON CAMERA.

So don't talk to us about toxicity when all we want is for the harassment of these two members to stop. We want the wider fandom to stop ignoring their bond and acknowledge that they are, in fact, friends. We want help shutting down the toxicity so that new ARMY aren't tricked into trending these harassing hashtags globally anymore!

Are we asking for too much?

https://www.tumblr.com/juliapark13/738698380775178240/i-love-how-2-groups-of-people-are-pretending

Y'all be like kids istg hjshsjsj💀

Taejoon decided to go together real afffff

Not a tkkr here. Remember that not all ppl who come here as a matter of eye opening to you, is a tkkr. There're many people who aren't shippers. Nor "supporters" bc there's literally nothing to support here. As of now,there's no official couple of bts. Many people don't support headcanons and assumptions. Bc simply it's none of our business and it's really uncertain thing to dedicate time for, wich also, not everyone has this much time for.

May you stay delulu if this keeps you sleep at night. The fact none of armys know anything personal about the members and each of armys look at things in a certain way and see anything as something "eyebrow rising" or a "sign" or whatever while it simply be to fuel shipping propaganda (especially when ml ships are pretty popular In korea and internationally even) and also something not as deep or "romantic" in their life as YOU make it so.

I hate seeing you guys being as toxic as tkks but you're always somehow covered with the fact that you're not actually a tkkr. Since toxicity is only directed to tkks, but this is not actually true. Toxicity exists in jkks and jnkks too. As far as I saw.

I'm actually one of your followers, and many other jkk blogs. That's why I'm writing you here this to express the way I'm sick of y'all. Y'all are grown up right?

Taejoon decided to enlist as companions to be together for whole 18 months too? 😮 I had to miss it anon, my apologies 🤧

…

Sometimes I wonder if you’re this stupid for real, or you just can’t find anything to say anymore, so at the end it only makes you toxic and look like you aren’t grown up.

They don’t have to be official couple for me to believe they are, because it can’t be more obvious they are. They were showing it without actually saying it for years.

I really don’t care if people think they’re only friends unless they don’t downplay everything they do. And you know why they do it?

When we say everyone sees what we see, but it makes them uncomfortable because they are either homophobic or y/ns or ship them with someone else, it’s not a joke. They feel jikook is too real, so they have to downplay their bond every single time.

For example everyone saw the „bite mark” was a hickey and everyone knows what it means. They were shocked and they could never accept it. If they truly believed Jungkook and Jimin are only friends, they wouldn’t have such a huge problem specifically with them.

They don’t even want them to be friends, that’s why they were furious when they found out Jungkook and Jimin are going to enlist together as companions.

Lastly, the only BTS ship pretty popular in Korea is jikook, because koreans aren’t blind and they know their culture.

Happy unfollowing me 👋🏽

[prettyboyrose1974]

Fanfic questions: 3, 4, 5, 11, 13, 20, 23, 27, 30, 41, 42 and 51? (if you still wanna answer those) 😀

Oh yes I was gonna do this in the morning but seeing as my blood sugar is giving me issues 🙃 and I already wrote them down I figured why not do it now

3: What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in? The marvel fandom hands down no matter what those people are the kindest fuckers

4: Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? Nope I’ve ever learned that I should never be ashamed of anything I used to like now if this was “do you regret your past actions while in certain fandoms” then that would be a yes without a doubt

5: Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for? It would be easier to say the ships lol but My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, The Academy is..., Cobra Starship, Panic! At The Disco, Motley Crue, Oasis, and Guns n’ Roses. Now a few of those stories I’ve taken down either for the poor quality or with the oasis ones ahem some people know about those 🙂

11: Who is your current OTP? I’m pretty sure everyone including Donald Trump knows at this point but it’s izzal or as I call it normally just Izzy/Axl

13: Any NOTPs? Everyone knows or I’d like to think everyone does I despise fucking peterick but I do without going through the tag and yelling at people because ya know I’m not a fucking weirdo but besides that there’s slaxl despite one of my fave gnr oneshots being a slaxl fic lol and I’m pretty sure that’s it

20: Any ships you surprised yourself by liking? Not at the time but looking bad it’s like why the actual living fuck did I ship nikki and tommy

23: Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of and explain why? My current izzal fic I really like since it’s my first proper story I just don’t know when imma finish it, then there’s my Ryden fic that fucking blew up and I just love how I wrote it, and finally the hair band orgy it’s fucking god awful but it brought me friends which I felt like I hadn’t had in awhile

27: What do you hate more; coming up with titles or summaries? Fucking summaries man look at all my fics most of them just say “literally the title” where as the titles are either song lyrics or literally just what happens in the fic

30: What inspires you to write? I’ve talked about this before but literally every fic I’ve written has come to me in dreams I have a note on my phone filled with my dreams I’ve had about Izzy and Axl that I’m using to write but also songs do a great part in helping me

41: List and link five fics you’re currently reading. Only currently reading throam so I’ll link my five favorite fics as I seem it’d be a better idea

Let’s Break The Walls by imyourrocketqueen on rockfic I read it almost once a month and it’s just amazing and extremely well written and I recommend it to everyone into izzal

In Case The Scene Gets Nasty by Word-Plays on livejournal it’s a Ryden fic so anyone who isn’t currently emo or a past emo skip this one I guess even though I still recommend it because even if you don’t know what Ryden is it is just so fucking good I read it every now and then and it still holds up it’s just great in general

It’s Warmer In The Basement by gabilliam on livejournal again it’s a Gabilliam fic so avoid if you’re not emo or a past emo this one is not for the faint of heart it’s a wartime fic and it involves rape but TRUST ME ITS GOOD AND I LOVE IT

Dear Izzy by Slaxl19 on rockfic and okay fuck off to this story I read it once in like early August and it fucked me up for a long time like two months long time but that’s because of how well it’s written and that combined with my fragile mind it was bad but if you’re not a fucked up person like me then read it it’s fucking amazing

The Heart Rate Of A Mouse by Anna Green and you fuckers knew I had to add it and the only reason it fell on five is due to the way I saved the fics but holy shit read this I don’t give a fuck which fandom you’re in or if you’re in at all READ THIS it deserves to be published Anna green is a Fucking sweetheart who spent ages writing it and it’s in my opinion the greatest work of fanfiction ever

42: List and link five fanfiction writers who you think are amazing. I don’t know many of their tumblrs but I know a few so here we go with the link again lol

Obviously the love of my life @arnold-layne duh

Anna Green the queen of fanfiction whose tumblr I cant find so she maybe deleted it so you can find her on Twitter at pineconepickers and on livejournal as beggernotes or as artic_grey

@pleasedontmakemechoose has some cool stuff on rockfic and archive of our own but she doesn’t use tumblr anymore so she’s on Instagram as lulu_crow so there’s that make sure if you go to her Instagram to tell her that Kamryn sent ya lol

Starpupil on rockfic is an author that I get super excited about when she posts because she writes some of the most amazing gnr fics ever

And unfortunately I’ve ran out people to name because I rarely read fics on here and most people on rockfic don’t link any of their other accounts so you know what can a girl do

AND FINALLY

51: Rant or Gush about something in the world of fanfiction. Imma do both because fuck y’all

So ranting right a lot of people ship the dumbest ships and it’s clear they only “ship” because they like the idea of two dudes fucking so fuck those people then there’s the folk who only read smut and no I’m not talking about you Isabella but yeah that irrates me a bit then there’s ship bashing like who the hell has time to run a ship hate blog like bro you do realize you’re obsessed with talking about something you claim to hate that’s a little fucking weird just saying OH the fucking writers who hate criticism and either blocked “Hate” comments or just turned off commenting all together also a lot of wattpad authors bother me despite the fact I know they’re young and not that experienced because I was that person at one point but my god those eleven year olds really do think they’re hot shit don’t they

NOW TIME FOR GUSHING okay so the fact I can go to reading a fic about how Axl is downright terrified to fuck slash because his cock is just that huge to reading something that has me crying every few minutes is just amazing to me and I love that then there’s the fact some fics have literally changed some of my views on the world like after reading throam I was a whole new bitch then there’s the fact that fanficition normally pushes me to like the band or whatever more and that after awhile I’m able to ditch the fics and just have the overwhelming love for that band is just really nice to have that sorta support (this definitely didn’t happen with Pink Floyd I tried to read one once and nearly puked)