#god i know lone star love a good music moment during big episodes and i know we're potentially getting one tonight

[lonestardust]

[ifeveristoday]

I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

[mundanedevil]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

[dirtbagturner]

Hello, everyone!! My name is Susie (she/her pronouns), I’m 21 in the EST timezone, and I’ll be playing the colossal pain-in-the-ass that is Jesse, aka, the dirtbag! His info is below. Hit me up for plotting -- I can’t wait to get started!

Trigger Warning: alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, suicide mention

BASIC INFO:

Full Name: Richard Jesse Turner, Jr.

Nickname(s): Jesse (everyone), Jess (everyone, but mostly good friends), JJ (mom)

Family: Richard Turner, Sr. (father), Rosemary Turner (mother), Wendy Turner (sister, age 20), Natalie Turner (sister, age 15)

Age: 23

Birthday: April 11, 1996

Zodiac: Aries

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Personality Type: ENFP

Sexual Orientation: ????

Gender: Male

TV TROPES

The Alcoholic

Attention Whore

Black Sheep

Brilliant, but Lazy

Broken Ace

The Charmer

Desperately Searching for a Purpose in Life

Do Not Call Me Paul

Former Child Star

The Hedonist

Hot-Blooded

Idle Rich

In Touch With his Feminine Side

Jerk With a Heart of Gold

Lonely Rich Kid

Love Hungry

Manchild

Momma’s Boy

Mood Swinger

Motor Mouth

Really Gets Around

Stepford Snarker

BIOGRAPHY:

Richard Jesse Turner, Jr. was born in Los Angeles to one of the wealthiest women in the world. Rosemary Turner was the wife of a powerful producer, and a well-known socialite.

The early years of his life are a mostly-pleasant haze. He began going by “Jesse” almost immediately, and his childhood was spent travelling with his mother from city to city, enjoying the finest hotels and luxuries.

His parents fought whenever they were together, and Jesse often wondered why they were married. Jesse had a lot more in common with Rosemary, and usually argued with Richard.

He never attended a normal school, being homeschooled and taught by various tutors his parents hired.

Always close to his mother, Jesse knew from an early age that she craved the spotlight, beyond what being a producer’s wife gave her.

With her magnetic personality and love of attention, it only seemed natural that Rosemary -- and her family -- would be the focus of television’s favorite new reality show, Rolling With Rosie. The show began airing when Jesse was 13 years old, and was an instant hit.

While Rosemary was the show’s star and main focus, the entire family were important “characters” on it, and Jesse quickly became a fan-favorite. His outgoing and lively personality was a big draw. Jesse’s personality on the show was a classic “golden boy” -- sweet, funny, and charming. All of which Jesse could certainly be, but off-camera, things were more complicated.

Jesse had a terrible temper, and a knack for causing trouble from his earliest childhood. His mother indulged him, while his father was more likely to lay down the law.

Growing up on TV in a dysfunctional family, with mental problems of his own, was not easy. Jesse always had erratic moods, but it got worse as he got older. He would have periods of extreme glee followed by periods of extreme melancholy, often for no apparent reason. He had very few real friends, and was unhealthily attached to the ones he had, desperate not to lose their attention. Jesse was often consumed by a voice inside telling him he was worthless, and he grew to believe it.

Unsurprisingly, he turned to substance abuse to cope with everything. His poison of choice is any sort of alcohol and whatever pills he can get from the medicine cabinet, but he’s also been known to use cocaine and Oxy.

The drugs helped calm the waters sometimes, but when things got bad, they got really bad. The first suicide attempt happened when he was eighteen. After an extremely intense manic episode, a three-day period during which Jesse didn’t sleep and basically lived on booze and coke, Jesse hit a low unlike anything he’d experienced before. Unable to bring himself to get out of bed, eat, or talk to anyone, Jesse became convinced he would never be happy again, and slit his wrists. Fortunately, his father found him, and he was brought to the hospital in time to revive him.

What frightens Jesse most is the fact that there is no real reason he can find that he tried to kill himself. To his knowledge, nothing triggered the mania, or the depression that came after. Objectively, everything was fine. But in that moment, he was truly convinced death was the only option.

By the time the show got cancelled when Jesse was twenty-one, he was a full-blown alcoholic. Everyone in the family and on the crew knew, but it was carefully hidden from the public.

Two days after filming ended, Rosemary and Richard sat their children down for a family dinner -- something that rarely occurred off-camera. Rosemary very calmly explained to her children that she and Richard had been living separate lives offscreen for a very long time now, and now that the show was ending, they intended to continue doing so. They would continue to live together and stay married for appearance's sake, but in three years, they would legally divorce.

Soon after this, Wendy moved out.

It was at that point that Jesse realized: their family had only stayed together long enough to finish up the show. Without the show, there was no family.

Jesse decided he could live with that. However, that raised the question -- without the show, who was he? He realized he had no idea. He’d been living a double life, being a good boy onscreen and an absolute nightmare offscreen, that he wasn’t sure what to do next.

After the show ended, he decided to take a “gap year,” and spent that year travelling all over the place, just like he and his mom used to. His father was very much against the whole idea, knowing by now that “Jess + unlimited money + zero supervision = disaster,” but his mother was all for it, saying he should have some fun. So Jesse took his money, and boarded a plane for Rome, which was the first stop on the Jesse Turner World Tour.

It was during the Tour that he met Adam. If he’s being entirely honest, there is no one he thinks about more. While staying in Berlin, Jesse met Adam, an American student studying abroad, and the two hit it off immediately. Bonding the only way Jesse knew how -- drinking and partying -- they formed a deep friendship almost instantly. Adam was smart, and funny, and Jesse could listen to him talk about art and music all day. Jesse didn’t understand why he felt so close to Adam so quickly, or why he wanted him to stay at his side and never leave.

One night, about three weeks after they first met, they went to get a drink, and Jesse asked Adam why he never mentioned a girlfriend or anything. Adam laughed and replied, “Because I’m gay, dude.” And something clicked in Jesse’s mind. Despite previously considering himself to be entirely straight, he found himself kissing his friend in the darkened club, pulling him in and holding him tight. Adam insisted he was simply drunk and would regret it in the morning, but Jesse said he wouldn’t -- and he was right. Unsure of what he was doing but not really caring, Jesse asked Adam to be with him, and Adam accepted.

What was supposed to be two months in Berlin turned to eight, and Jesse doesn’t regret a minute of it. However, it wasn’t always easy. Jesse’s partying didn’t stop, and his drug and alcohol consumption was growing steadily worse. Adam worried about him. Finally, a night on the town ended with Jesse in the emergency room with alcohol poisoning. Adam, who had been up all night scared out of his mind, gave him an ultimatum: cut back on his drinking and drug use, or they were done. Jesse promised to clean up his act. But old addictions die hard, and less than a month later, Adam came to Jesse’s apartment to find him flying high on cocaine. When he sobered up, he realized he’d screwed up, big time -- but it was too late. Adam ended things and cut off all contact.

From there, Jesse couldn’t stay in one place for long. He bounced all around the world -- Tokyo, San Antonio Amsterdam, Prague, Paris, San Rio, Las Vegas, Saint-Tropez -- for a couple months, drowning his grief in wine. Until finally, he couldn’t ignore it anymore. In the middle of a particularly bad depressive episode, hating himself for driving Adam away from him, Jesse made his second suicide attempt, overdosing on pills in a hotel room in Cancun. A maid found him, and he woke up three days later in a hospital room, his parents asleep in the chairs by his bedside.

He mumbled out apologies for scaring them, and avoided any questions about why he did this. He denied he was trying to kill himself, but they weren’t fooled, and deep down, he knows that.

When his mother left to find something to eat, Jesse and his father had a very serious discussion. Well, actually, his father talked, and he just had to sit there and listen. The gist of it was, Jesse had scared his mother half to death, almost gotten himself killed, and broken God-knows-how many laws in the time he was away. The Jesse Turner World Tour was coming to an end, whether he liked it or not. He was going to enroll in a local university that was close to home, visit his family every week, and submit to surprise drug tests -- if not, he would be cut off financially.

Knowing he didn’t actually get a vote, Jesse agreed.

NOW

Jesse came to Welgate against his will, and is still in the lower-level courses despite being twenty-three. He’s been at the school for one semester, and is majoring in music composition.

He still has all the money he could ever want, and uses it liberally.

He goes to his family’s home every Tuesday for dinner, and deems it ironic that the only “family togetherness” that ever occurs is because of him being a fuckup.

His first order of business was securing a source of clean urine for the surprise drug tests, and so far, it’s working.

Away from home, Jesse is still getting wasted nearly every night, and is at every party on campus. He’s also become known for the many lovers he invites into his dorm.

Jesse assumed his attraction to Adam was a one-off thing, a fluke. However, now that he’s at Welgate, he’s caught himself staring appreciatively at girls and boys alike, and not caring in the least about what gender his companion is when he gets drunk and lonely. Jesse is curious, confused, and willing to try nearly anything once.

He’s surprised by how much he actually likes some of his classes, and his songwriting skills are improving. He’s lowkey wanting to start a band, if only because of how annoying and douchey it’d be.

Jesse has zero intentions of ever getting a real job, content to ride his family’s coattails.

Currently, his mother is trying to build up her brand again, this time as a solo act. Jesse supports her, but is relieved to no longer be part of the package. He was tired of playing good boy for the cameras, and is delighted that he doesn’t have to pretend anymore. Now, he can be exactly what he is: a trainwreck.

Mostly, he sees his time at Welgate as an opportunity to have as much irresponsible fun as possible without his father constantly getting on his case. Surviving to graduation is really not a priority.

MISC.

Jesse HATES being called “Richard.” Even his parents never do it unless he’s in trouble. (His mother once tried to float “RJ” as a potential nickname, but he put a swift end to that nonsense.)

To hear Jesse tell it, his mother is wonderful and his father is basically Satan. While Rosemary does love him, and he and Richard do have a frosty relationship, the truth is a LOT more complicated than that. Rosemary is flighty, self-centered, and has no idea how to deal with Jesse’s obvious issues, so she just ignores them. Richard, to his credit, is trying to keep Jesse alive and out of jail -- much of his constant criticism comes from a place of caring.

Jesse loves his sisters, but is easily irritated by them. Nonetheless, he’s glad the show went off the air before Natalie got too old, since he’s pretty sure growing up on TV wrecked him.

Jesse absolutely has bipolar disorder, as does his mother. However, neither of them have been diagnosed.

He has two social media presences -- one he runs solely to maintain his family’s “brand,” mainly to help his mom out, and one that’s actually him. All his real accounts are listed under fake names with no profile pictures, and are strictly for his closest friends.

He has twelve tattoos and piercings in both ears. He also has several scars, including the slashes on his wrist. He normally keeps those hidden with long sleeves or a watch or bracelet.

Even as a kid, Jesse had pretty flamboyant tastes in clothing -- he likes bright patterns and colors, and often has some jewelry. If he didn’t think he’d get beaten up, he wouldn’t be opposed to trying makeup.

Jesse craves love and sex in equal measure, but is convinced he’ll never be able to find someone who will give him both.

He’s been writing music since he was a teenager. A lot of it is pretty bad, but some of it is good -- and he’s a good singer and a decent guitarist.

He has an unfortunate habit of seeking out those that will hurt him, and often ends up in toxic, unhealthy relationships of all kinds.

Playlist here.

Pinterest here.