The super longest post about Keeley and her relationships: featuring interesting parallels between Keeley and Jamie, how her and Jamie's perspectives on their relationship is an inverse mirror, why Roy Kent, and other ramblings.
Heavy on the Keeley.
(woohoo boy this is a super long one I am not kidding. this is so long i busted out the laptop so I could add a readmore for you fools. you’re welcome)
Starting with the depressing bottom:
Jamie having a bad sexual experience with an adult that he didn’t choose in a very male-specific situation.
Keeley choosing something sexual with a teacher in a very woman-specific situation and the adult teacher not only letting it happen but also making it worse.
So we have two people with… not great experiences in their history, and their experiences are layered like a burrito in how other people perceive them through the lens of their gender. And yet somehow our cute little muffins battled on, and by the time the show starts they are 1) together and 2) freaking adorable, but 3) have a tendency to put sex first in a relationship (more on that later).
It’s adorable, flirty, fun sex definitely, but it also collapses pretty quick when Keeley begins starts making a relationships with what are arguably two of the most important people in her life: Rebecca and Roy.
First - Rebecca.
One can extrapolate from the context given in the show that before Rebecca, the friends Keeley had were industry-related acquaintances and other famous people. Not serious, sensible people. No disrespect to Sally, but while Silly Rebecca is a delight I think what drew Keeley in her general awe of Rebecca was how inner strength and outer persona were so intertwined. She was a formidable, self-sufficient, boss-ass-bitch. While Keeley clearly possesses an enormous amount of inner strength, she (as the script says) is used to people judging her book by her cover.
It's as she gets to know Rebecca - who is kind and thoughtful and caring behind that initial cold exterior - it's Rebecca who asks Keeley the probing, important questions, like why she's settled for messing around with someone who on the surface makes for a very shallow relationship.
Keeley's answer? For shallow reasons. Jamie is young and fit and fun, and Keeley's been stuck in the cycle of finding young-fit-fun for so long that she's actually lost track of the fact that one of those is beginning to not apply to her. Her joke about being Leo DiCaprio isn't entirely a joke - in industries of fashion and fame, it's pretty common for people to stop emotionally maturing around the age that they get famous.
So Rebecca asks 'what about accountability?' and that's the true start of Keeley's journey, because until someone said it, she didn't know how to put to words what it was she needed. And what she needed was room to grow, room to have a stable, normal, and dare I say adult relationship.
Enter Roy Kent.
Their initial interactions are loaded with fun, flirty chemistry, but two instances in particular resonated with Keeley: the scene in the club and the scene where he told her he didn't appreciate being used as a pawn in her relationship at the auction. And while the club is pivotal for Roy as a leader, I think the moment that sunk Keeley was when, amidst all of the team drama going on, he took a second to just stop and... acknowledge her. He didn't come there for her, she wasn't in his direct focus, but she was there, and for someone who's probably used to feeling a bit like arm candy? It felt like respect. Score a point for Roy Kent.
The second scene is a case of Roy 'accidentally putting his best foot forward at the right time' because she's pissed at Jamie, arguing about accountability, and then there's Roy demanding the same accountability from her. He challenges Keeley and Keeley does not back down. She jumps head first into accountability and it fits like a glove.
And just like that, it's over between her and Jamie.
BUT. BUT. Keeley and Jamie have been broken up since episode 4 and we’re still getting new facets to their relationship!
One of those interesting facets that’s come to light is that Keeley has a habit of downplaying to other people that her and Jamie's relationship had any emotional components at all. Before and after they break up, she always refocuses any mention of Jamie in the conversation towards the sexual:
“Now I’m in my 30s and I’m still dating a 23 year old footballer.”
“[To Jamie] Babe, if [bankers] looked like that, then we wouldn’t be together.”
“I just wanna know if I can bang him.” “Well you’ll have to ask him, it’s his dick, isn’t it?”
“Five out of five: would break again.”
And like, she tells Roy that she hooked up with Jamie to get back at Roy because she was hurt that he left her on read after a really fucking good kiss, but then you look at her face in that scene and that's not entirely true is it Keeley?
When Jamie stops by her house, Keeley's face is NOT that of someone plotting anything. That is not the face of someone who's bummed their crush might not like them and is looking for a rebound (well it is at first a bit).
But Jamie comes over and she. is. CHARMED. He's here to thank her for being so excellent to him all the time, and taking him to plays, and putting work into him that he didn't appreciate before. He's not even here for a hookup - she offers him a drink and he's just like 'nah, thanks tho'. He's basically out the door before he realizes what she's implying.
And that's the thing - the second sex is off the table between them is when their relationship actually begins to shine. She’s constantly charmed by his total… Jamie-ness. Like saying ‘you’re welcome’ when she says he made it easy to break up. Like seeming ambivalent about the break up, but then cheering when Keeley is still willing to help with his beer ad campaign. Stripped of the sexual connotations of a relationship, his honest appreciation of her is endearing. But that's it. She's refocused on Roy, and she's not looking at Jamie anymore as an option. That book is closed.
Now. Jamie.
Poor fucking Jamie, who has a history of losing a good thing right when he was starting to understand that he had one to lose (see: getting transferred from Richmond, losing Keeley).
Where Keeley has spent most of their post-break up intellectualizing that her relationship with Jamie was mostly just a sexual fling, Jamie has spent more of their post-break up time realizing that not only was their relationship was more emotional than he thought, but that its the kind of connection he wants in the first place. It's clear from post break-up day one that he still wants Keeley around, even if it's not as a girlfriend. Where she's dismissing things between them as having been shallow, Jamie is sitting there going 'she took me to plays, she listens to me when I talk about what's bothering me, she gives me advice. She's kind. I could always turn to her when I needed help. I miss her.'
It's as if before, they both found comfort in focusing on the sexual aspects of their relationships, so neither of them really tried for anything more.
And then Keeley went off to have an emotional relationship with Roy, and Jamie had to come to terms that that’s….what that is. That’s what a real, emotional relationship looks like. And it turns out he wants that. He feels left behind. And yeah, he was jealous. Why wouldn't he be jealous? He's never had anything like that before, and now it looks like the person he used to be with actually wanted that the whole time and he was just too. Fucking late.
So he's just been a big old confused ball of feelings since they broke up. They broke up, and then they slept together. His hopes got up a bit, and then she's dating Roy Kent. At some point he deletes her number. Then he's confused and alone, and he tracks her down to a cafe in London and she gives him good advice about talking to Ted to get back onto the team. And then he's confused again, because what's the trick? He's alone and everyone at Richmond hates him. He goes to Keeley for advice, and this time she doesn't talk to him- she drops him on a therapist instead. Maybe it's not a trick then. Her and Roy actually seem fucking happy. What the fuck?
And I know it in my bones that the moment he decided to delete rest of the pictures? Had to land square between The Hug at Wembley and confessing to Roy that he told Keeley he loved her. Because at some point him and Roy Kent came to a tentative understanding, and Roy started treating him like a real human person, and then it wasn't just about being hung up on his Keeley. Because there was someone else involved, and that person could get hurt if Jamie didn't back all the way off. It occurred to him that there was something to destroy, and he didn't want to be that person. He had to stop lying to himself that things were ever gonna go back. He deleted the rest of the pictures and videos of her, and he just has to live with the fact that he likes her, yes. But he also likes Roy now too.
And THAT'S how you be accountable to the people around you. Not just by stepping up to do the right thing, but by stepping back and making sure you don't do the wrong thing.
Like deciding to follow Roy instead of Keeley when he finds out they've broken up.
Jamie knows he's charming, and he knows that Keeley finds him charming. But he also knows that Roy is hurting. How could he not be? Keeley just broke up with him. Except she didn't, he broke up with her. And yet Roy's still hurting.
And Jamie. Sweet fucking Muppet he is. Decides to do the right thing. He empathizes with Roy. Let's him lick his wounds. Takes him to see a fucking windmill. And he stays away from Keeley, who's already told him before that she has trouble turning him away. He doesn't even tempt that.
For Keeley and Roy, I think it's fair to say they were each other's first real, serious relationship. And they grew and learned together as a couple. But without Roy, Keeley has new eyes for what she wants, and she can't help but notice now that some of what she wants? That's in Jamie now.
She doesn't go there either. She maintains her distance. Why wouldn't she? She's never the one that goes to Jamie.
Now. The rebound.
Keeley did the bravest thing a person can do after a break up. She took a new road. She met someone she had a good feeling with. They hit it off.
Jack. Jack who is fun and fit and makes her laugh. Someone who's a bit cheeky, sometimes a little inappropriate, assertive about what they want, and fucking hot in a suit jacket without an undershirt. Intense eyes.
Checkmarks all across. Exactly Keeley's type. But it wasn't quite working.
Keeley was going through the all the motions of an emotional connection in the hopes that it would bloom. But she's playing the game one handed. She's still got her heart in her hand over Roy, and then there's Jack and she wants it to work with Jack, she does, because on paper Jack is great! Sure Jack doesn't challenge her the way Roy did, never frustrates her like Jamie did, never seems to need anything at all from Keeley really. But Jack is full of big romantic gestures that make Keeley feel adored! With Jack she can just have fun and relax! Jack's a great rebound.
But Jack doesn't make her feel like she's been struck by lightning, does she? Maybe she could have, one day. And Keeley is willing to try - that's all you can do after a break up, is try. But she's trying to make it work with someone who is very much the Type of Person she used to like and there's something missing.
And then there's these little moments. Where the differences creep in and in until things split apart.
Jack takes Keeley out to fancy restaurants. On their first date, Roy took her home to cook for her.
Jack's 'that was so fucking hot' moment was telling the office that her and Keeley were dating when Keeley said she was feeling unsure. Roy's 'that was so fucking hot' moment was listening to Keeley when she said she needed space and going to read his book on the couch.
Jack says about the video leak 'I will take care of this' and Keeley believe her. Then she gave Keeley a press statement and an disbelieving 'how would i get it down? it's the internet'. The lawyers helped, but Keeley would have to do all the work.
On their first date, Roy threatened a paparazzi and stole their sim card.
(He also held her hand. It’s such a simple, almost childish gesture but he really did love holding her hand all the time.)
Jack prioritized social appearances over her relationship with Keeley. Roy once gave Keeley a video of him crying at a press conference just so she could have a wank.
Roy fucked up when he asked who the video was for. But you can not say that if it were him in Jack's position, that he would not have gone through ridiculous extremes to have made Keeley feel better. Whatever she fucking wanted. He'd probably release a video of himself masturbating if it he thought it'd take the pressure off of her. When that man is committed, there is no half measure.
But he doesn't have the right to that anymore, does he? And it's his doing. And all he can do - the most he can do without crossing any boundary - is '''''casually''''' run into Keeley in the parking lot and try to offer a quick word. He's dying inside that he can't do more.
And he fucks it up so bad. Ironically, his fucking up this time is what allows Jamie to put his best foot forward.
Keeley Jones. Hurting. Single again. Bitter. Let's be real - fucking traumatized. Because that shit hurts, and it's happened before when she was younger, and it's happening again. She was shaking when she first saw the leak. Couldn't even finish the video. And she's right on the money when she says she feels like she's fifteen again - because she's reliving the same damn bullshit and she's still having to argue for her own autonomy.
And who shows up at her doorstep (shaded in soft colors to match Keeley's earlier outfit, her whole aesthetic)? Jamie Tartt, the one the video was actually for. The one who is fucking kicking himself because he knows he got rid of those - even though they were special to him. He got rid of them because it was the right thing to do, and he came here to apologize because it's the right thing to do.
Jamie Tartt isn't entirely new to her - he's still painfully Jamie. He kinda drifts off on a tangent about himself for a bit. He's still so easy to read. Him showing up for her is new; but his sweetness is not. And he doesn't say the right things always. But he is there for her, and he fucking cares that she's hurting. And if part of that was on him, then he's here to claim that part and apologize. Because it's not her fault.
Again, with the words you don't know you need to hear until you hear them.
This from the guy who used to have near-topless photos of her (although only her, eleven pictures all of her) all over his locker. But those are the photos that she chose to do, and she is proud of them, and they always matched sexually, didn't they?
And now they're talking again, for the first time in a while. And it's because of a sex video that she sent him. Yet somehow, for the first time in their relationship, there's....no sex. None. Not even a vibe of it. For once, they're on the same page, seeing each other clearly, and sex is off the table.
It's nice. It's a good look on them. It's downright loving.
Keeley Jones had a no good, terrible bad couple of days, but Jamie Tartt made it a little better.
Let them be close. Let them care for each other, however that looks for him. If it grows, so be it. They've all grown this season - Roy, Keeley, and Jamie. All it takes to fail is for all parties to stop trying, and there's no one here who isn't trying.
Also another bit that I couldn't quite flesh out the way I wanted to:
Jack cancelled a family meetup because of Keeley's scandal. Roy wouldn't cancel on his niece even if it meant missing Sexy Christmas. Something about the commitment of it all. Something.
65 notes
·
View notes
No Wonder
by Joanna Newsom
Take it with me, love,
to a place it can be, love.
Little bird, little stone, shine,
in light of the undone,
dig with your hands, dear
gather our friends, dear
and I will cover with dust, dear
Silence and trust, dear.
Stay through the winter,
wait for the splinter,
and the green in the springtime,
Queen-and-her-King-time.
Sweetness all summer and fall
hit like a drummer
and split in the autumn
pit with no bottom.
And after the fall, out in the country
in the long drought with ya, honey.
And I call, daughter and son,
ours to adore, whatever may come.
After our chores end, and our money
and our scores are settled and done,
darling, I will stay till the last,
plates are all filled, treats are all passed.
Ain’t it a thrill, ain’t it a gas
Foot* at the hill, and don’t it go fast?
At the foot of the hill, we empty our glasses.
And I’ll follow you over,
will you follow me under?
Crawl through the shadows,
call out the wonder.
Oh, how I love you,
time will tell –
I’ll never tire of you,
I’m just tired of myself, dear.
And as our days, waft in a realm
our path is away, soft as a dream.
We laugh and we race
soft and ennui
capture a stray pod on the breeze
hammer a stake, mark in our seed
manage to rake, water, and weed.
Hundred to one, our garden will grow.
But wonder or none, I wanna be known,
wanna be sung, wanna be shown,
want for no one but you and your warm opening arms.
Watching the rolling storm clouds sail by
our window, dock in the valley;
paled*, pocked, and dimpled
crocodile belly.
We wait all night and count the thunder,
there is no lightning.
It is no wonder.
But just before dawn, water comes streaming
in the dark, every bead
burns like a star, blinking to sleep,
burns like a spark, burrowing deep,
under the lawn, quiet and green
rain has begun, honey, come see
under the sun, rising like steam.
Wonder or none, I wanna be seen,
wanna be–eventually, eventually.
Grow through the winter, and summer,
surely and slowly.
Little star shine of wonder
at home with you only.
60 notes
·
View notes
HOW did you make your Baldr cosplay. You've inspired me to wanna try and make one too, got any tips on doing it?
aaaaaa I feel so honored I inspired you!!!! ;0; my disclaimer is that I am the farthest thing from a professional lol, but I will show you how I did it! My cosplay philosophy is that I am lazy and want to spend as little money as possible ⭐ I always use clothes I already own, the base outfit I already owned I only needed to get the belts, hoodie and wig
This is long I'm so sorry I just went thru the whole process :')
Here is every part of the finished cosplay:
Boots
Black jeans
Pants chain (mine is just an old one from hot topic)
Blue belts x2 (got these on Amazon, $10 USD each)
Black shirt + vest (or you can do one black button down, in canon Baldr looks like he's wearing a black vest over a white shirt but I felt like my vest was too low it would've looked weird)
Black fingerless gloves
Hoodie (Amazon, $18 USD) + tassel (Joann's Fabrics $10 USD)
Mark of mastery by MadeByFjori on Etsy ($6 USD) I bought it unpainted to save money and just got some metallic gold paint :) its really good quality and shipped fast! I had taped a safety pin on the back of it to attach it to the hoodie (I had tried super gluing it but it mf broke off!!! Tape it is,)
Wig (mine is the Skyelar classic in silver from Arda Wigs!) If you have no experience styling wigs that's fine since Baldr's hair is so choppy that if you fuck it up it works LOL I always style my wigs while wearing them thats just me, I brushed the hair in front of my face and cut the bangs around the bottom of my eyes and went from there. I also cut part of the sides framing my face
If you have dark hair like me I recommend a skin colored wig cap!!! Dark hair spilling out from a white wig will look weird, they sell them kn the Arda Wigs site
Optional: Starlight keyblade from Spirit Halloween ($40 USD) it's solid plastic, lightweight and looks amazing! The only bad thing I've found is the keychain just. Is not durable. Last year it broke off at a convention and I lost it 😔
Optional: face mask by KumalatteCreations on Etsy ($16 USD) I wear it with all my KH cosplays lol I have 2 masks for cosplay from them, really great quality, fit and has a place to insert a filter. I have the OSFA teen/women size because my face is tiny :')
Okay but let's talk real shit: the Hoodie. It's a plain white sweatshirt from Amazon, size up to get that oversized look Baldr has. Also disclaimer: do NOT get a thick hoodie I tried my best to get a light weight one and oh my god. For something that is essentially Just Sleeves I was SWEATING TO DEATH okay anyway materials:
Hoodie base
Gold fabric (I bought 1 yard and had more than enough)
Black buttons x2
Black ribbon
Tassel
Fabric scissors, fabric glue, needle/thread, safety pins
Black and orange markers
If you get a hoodie like mine where the hood strings have metal around the edges, use white paint or white out (I did not have time to buy white paint,) to paint over the metal so its not distracting
Now the How To:
Pull out your hood strings if applicable, paint any metal like I mentioned above
Use fabric glue to add black ribbon around the sleeves, do this in sections not all at once, do the ends of the ribbon around the back of your armpit to hide the ends. On my hoodie there was a hem on the sleeves that I followed so it was easy to make it even on both sides
Crop sweatshirt in half and cut down the middle front but DO NOT go all the way to the top where the hood is, stop about 2 inches away from it otherwise you will be me having to sew that shit back together
Measure where you want the front to fold open, you will probably have to cut more off of the sweatshirt bc if its too big you will be pinning that shit onto the top of your shoulders, basically shorter in the front and longer in the back (I know mine is so messy I didn't measure I just guessed I know wtf @ me-)
Flip hoodie inside-out and add gold fabric to the inside of the hoodie, leave about half an inch room around the edge for hemming, yes the entire inside too, I found that when I moved around I could see the back of the inside and it looks weird when the gold fabric suddenly stops
If you have a sewing machine or want to do this by hand then fold over the edges and hem it on top of the gold (not me tho I was con crunching and glued that shit all the way around,) it cleans up the edges and adds the white border to the part you will pin open
What I WANTED to do was to sew the buttons onto the hoodie and add button holes on what would get pinned but I did not have the time so I sewed the buttons directly onto the front pieces so when I fold it open I used 2 safety pins on each side to hold it up
For the tassel: I colored it with a peachy/light orange sharpie and a black one. I measured how long I wanted it to be and cut the other end off and used fabric glue on the end to stop fraying. I wrap it around the buttons and do a simple loop knot to keep it in place
if you end up doing what I did irt the tassel, don't go in with a regular orange marker bc it came out so dark on the fabric its made of like I just happened to have this peach/skin tone sharpie that came out the right shade on the gold fabric
Finally, pin the mark of mastery in place!
Now you are Baldr :)
34 notes
·
View notes